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I've had this phone number for 3 years. Since then, I receive many texts from the guy asking for verification codes and security codes sent to my number. The verification codes have started to seem scammy, including Google verification codes from non-Google numbers. And he asks me to send the code so he can verify his identity.
For years, I've been okay with it because I figure it can't hurt to help this guy out. But now, after years, I'm fed up and I'm starting to think my own identity is in danger from this guy still using my cell phone number.
After the most recent suspicious interaction I've had (the various Google verification codes) I decided to just block him. I feel bad, AITA? Should I unblock him and continue to help him unlock his accounts? ###### | NTA. I know 0 about whether or not your identity is actually at risk, but this situation is super sketchy. Clearly, he has a new phone. He can use that number. You've had the patience of saint for even putting up with it this long. ###### |
A friend was just complaining that he got an Amber Alert close to 3 in the morning. I just casually showed him that you could switch it off. He thanked me, and I guess he showed it to a bunch of people.
Eventually that spread until my girlfriend found out that I switched off my Amber Alerts and confronted me about it. She said that I didn’t care about little kids being stolen, and that the reason why Amber Alerts work is because the entire community gets them. “It’s the price we pay to live on a society”. Yeah, no, I pay my taxes. My reasoning was that it’s my phone, and I get to modify it however I want. This has caused a big rift in our relationship.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA. I just wish I could shut off that frickin' "Presidential Alert". ###### |
An old friend I knew from AA 15 years ago reached out for money saying she and her husband were broke due to covid and she had already exhausted family and friends. I said I would paypal her 100 bucks. No problem.
When she got the money she then texted, thanks and by the way she was still “ bouncing” (a term meaning unable to stay clean/sober and her drugs of choice is opiates).
So of course I started texting her asking if she was ok and if she was using. I said don’t worry about the money, I just want to make sure you are ok!!!
No response.. i tried again later that night and twice the next day. No response.
I reached out to a mutual acquaintance who informed me she “got me” and was using and had almost died from an overdose last year.
I texted her one more time and said I was sending the police to do a wellness check if she didn’t respond. I was freaking out she was going to OD on money I gave her. No response.
I called the non emergency number for local police in her town and told them I was concerned about her. They asked why and I said she may have relapsed. I didn’t say on what.
So they went to her house and she was fine and then my phone blew up with indignation and threats and profanity. Blocked.
So.. AITA?? ###### | NTA. I have had to call the police for 2 wellness checks in the past. Its not easy. I hope your friend can learn to forgive you and understand that you did it for them. ###### |
This is pretty fucking embarrassing but my girlfriend is insisting I write on here to get judgement so here we go.
I’ve got a bit of a dodgy belly pretty much always. I’m not sure why, doctor has never really paid attention to it when I bring it up other than changing my diet (which I’ve done a million times but doesn’t help) and basically every morning and evening like clockwork I need to go and use the shitter. It’s painful, embarrassing, and idk why it happens to me but there we go.
My girlfriend of 4 years knows this and she often laughs at me because I disappear for long bouts of time. It isn’t fun, my stomach fucking cramps and hurts and I ain’t going for the fun of it.
Anyway yesterday evening my girlfriend decided to set herself up a nice bath including candles, wine, etc. I told her I might need the bathroom but she said I should be fine since I hadn’t eaten all day.
Well after around 10 mins as she’s running her bath, all of a sudden the urge comes and I’ve learned not to fucking question the urge because otherwise it’s bad news for me and my underpants. I ran past her to go to the loo shouting sorry I need to go, and it was all I could do to slam the door shut let alone anything else.
She’s absolutely furious with me and thinks that I’m the arsehole because I didn’t take time to cover her wine or anything, I’m bloody pissed off with her because it’s not like I can help it and she’s making me feel stupid for not ‘holding on’ like I should have in her opinion. ###### | NTA. I have friends with IBS and when they need to go they need to GO. Yeah, it would have been nice to have gotten her wine out of there first, but it is what it is. She knows your situation and is being unreasonable. ###### |
Okay, so a bit of a backstory here: I’m a teenager, so naturally i still live with my mom (my parents are divorced). I tend to have problems sleeping that result in me staying up until like three am. This doesn’t affect my energy throughout the day or anything, it’s just what I need to do to actually be able to sleep. Sleeping medication doesn’t work for me. So I’m always awake whenever the following occurs.
My mom doesn’t usually have trouble sleeping, but she does sometimes. And when she does, she thinks that the best thing for her to do is to crawl into my bed and try to snuggle with me. This makes me wildly uncomfortable because I dislike being touched like that unless I’m the one initiating. It’s also very uncomfortable for me physically because she tends to have warm skin and I absolutely hate heat when I sleep. I sleep without covers and with the fan on as high as I can set it. It’s also just really weird to me. I’m sixteen, and I feel as if she isn’t respecting my personal space and boundaries. I’ve brought the fact that I dislike this up to her and she still continues to do this. I have no idea why.
Today, I was up late, as I typically am, and she came in to try to get in my bed. I literally scooted as far away from her as I possibly could and kept shaking her off and asking her stuff like “why are you in my bed” and whatnot. She eventually left after a few minutes ( she usually stays for longer ). I know for a fact that in the morning, she’s going to make a comment about how it was rude of me to not let her cuddle with me in bed. But it genuinely makes me so uncomfortable and I hate it, and I’ve brought this up with her.
AITA for not letting her stay in my bed? ###### | NTA. I have children your age, and I would never crawl into bed with them. Your mom has a problem with boundaries. If it's a continuing problem and she won't listen to you, perhaps discuss with your other parent or an aunt/uncle? Best wishes. ###### |
So Let me start off by saying that I am in the 8th grade and my sister is in the 11th
Since online class has started I have been struggling with the work load, combined with other tutoring lessons I usually have to work into the weekend which does not please my parents at all, which I understand because then I can’t do other stuff like hiking or doing walks with them.
It was all fine until they sat me down one afternoon to tell me that I was not meeting my expectations that they have set for me and that I should be working harder like my sister. Who has her work done in the first 3 days of getting the assignment. They carried on repeating themselves about how I should be more like my sister and all that.
This occurred about 1 month ago and since then they have been constantly telling me to work harder like my sister. Until I finally just snapped yesterday, I started to break down with tears forming in my eyes and I started saying
“ Stop fucking comparing me to my sister, please!”.
I know I probably went overboard for that but it was all the emotion that I had built up over this time and I know I probably am the ass hole , but I just want more opinions on this.
Currently I have still not had another long interaction since yesterday but I hope we can settle since soon.
Also sorry I know formatting is bad, sorry for that I’m on phone. Also I know it’s not as good as the others on here but I just needed to talk,
Thank you for reading. ###### | NTA. I have been compared to my siblings during a long time (they are both very hard workers) and it feels terrible. Your sister probably love online classes and you’re struggling a little and that’s fine. Your parents should understand that instead of constantly comparing they should help you with your work (help you planning, answer some questions you have, help you if you have pc problems,...) ###### |
One of my high school best friend is getting married and it’s a big deal for her we’ve talked about this as long as I can remember. I’m really happy for her but I am a full time college student and I work on top of volunteer work for my major. I would really like to help but if I’m being realistic it’s an extra thing I can’t really deal with at the moment. She is very upset with me and doesn’t understand why I don’t have time to help. Yesterday she texted me that if I can’t start helping more she no longer wants me to be one of her bridesmaids. I told her I completely understand and to be honest I was upset but I can’t promise her time I don’t really have at the moment. Me saying I understand if she doesn’t want me to be a bridesmaid anymore apparently upset her more and my friends are now all upset with me and want me to basically beg her to be a bridesmaid. I would like to be apart of her wedding but I don’t want to beg her for it and promise to help her when I honestly don’t have the time so AITA? ###### | NTA. I have been a bridesmaid over 20 times (big, big, big extended family and lots of friends) and I’ve seen this exact scene play out 25% of the time. Sometimes, women who have been planning their weddings for a long time forget that it is not the focus of other people’s lives as well. You cannot commit the time or money she wants out of you for this, so you were honest and accepted her decision. Asking you to beg for it is just some drama bs, don’t do it. She’ll be fine again a couple weeks after her wedding, or she’ll lose her entire mind and you’ll never have to speak to her again, but neither of those outcomes are under your control. ###### |
Will provide more context if needed, it's a lot to fit in to 3000 characters. Using my throwaway since this is quite personal.
My mother died around 2.5 years ago. I now live with my father, and two of my three brothers. My youngest brother is very high functioning autistic (Please excuse my language here, I know the term high functioning isn't the best but I'm not sure what the appropriate term is, please feel free to correct me and I'll change it in an edit). He's 13 now, very keep-to-himself, just likes to play on the computer, go to the shops, and go for walks. He does have some behavioural issues, such as having huge meltdowns whilst watching TV because he doesn't like what happens on it. None of us are very close with my dad since he was the breadwinner, and he wasn't a huge part of our lives until our mum passed. Obviously now we see him all the time.
After my mum passed, my dad told me that in the will, I will get my youngest brother's share of the inheritance and be financially responsible for him. In my understanding, this means he goes into my care. I was never asked if I was okay with this, I was just told about it. I believe this was decided because since he was born I was actively helping out, and I started babysitting semi-regularly when I was about 10. Whenever my mum would worry herself about who would look after him in the future, I'd chip in with "It's okay, I'll do it!", because 10 year old's don't really think about consequences. I continued saying I'd take him on until I was around 16 because secondary school brought on some strong depressive episodes and I genuinely didn't think I'd be around past age 18, so again, a non-adult not thinking about the consequences.
Me and my brothers discuss it regularly because we know even if we all pool money together, we can't afford a care home, but I don't know what options we have really. I guess I just want to know, AITA for not wanting to become a carer? ###### | NTA. I have a similar situation with a severly mentally and physically handicapped sister. Tell your dad that you don't want to be a carer. You don't have to do this, but my siblings and I agreed to give up our inheritance so that it could go into a trust to take care of our handicapped sister. You do not have to be a carer for your brother. But tell your dad so that he can prepare ###### |
My boyfriend is allergic to shellfish. His throat closes up within an few hours if we don’t get to the emergency room on time. He doesn’t need an epipen but he does need to get to the emergency room to take a methyl prednisone pill. I am aware of these allergies and always do my best to accommodate them. I would never want him to be hurt. However, we disagree on the severity of his allergy. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. I have seen him have allergy attacks, but they’ve never been immediate and always took 8-2 hours before bothering him. Recently my boyfriend has had allergy attacks due to him and other people being negligent (never me!), this has caused my boyfriend to be extremely anxious about his allergy. When we first started dating we would go our for Chinese food all the time (my favorite food, yes this is the most important problem we’re having right now). He would tell people he had an allergy and has NEVER had an allergic reaction from these outings. Due to recent events, he doesn’t want to go anymore, which is understandable. However, now he won’t let ME eat it either! Just to be clear, I don’t eat shellfish or anything fried when I order, I always say I have an allergy as well so it’ll be safe, AND I brush my teeth, rinse my mouth, wash my face and wash my hands, sometimes I’ll even change my shirt if I’m worried. Again, he has never had an allergic reaction because of me. I am very careful. Every time I order I also make sure he is in the mood for something I don’t want so he doesn’t feel left out. AITA for wanting to eat Chinese food? ###### | NTA. I have a gluten allergy (and some other foods) which sucks but I would never ever tell my SO they can’t have that stuff!
(They take precautions for me.) ###### |
My friend (M 20) frequently complains about his lack of men to date. He isn't unattractive but he is no male model. He however has very narrow tastes when it comes to men. He wants a tall, ripped male model who isn't feminine in any way. Which I've always found pretty shallow.
Yesterday, while he was complaining about how he must be so ugly because none of these 10 /10 men would date him and that he will never find a decent guy to date, i told him that he needed to have more realistic expectations. Most people aren't perfect models and the epitome of masculinity so he needs to be open to dating less attractive people and not be so shallow because he is also not a 10/10
He accused me of attacking his self-esteem and not being a good friend for telling him he's unattractive and ridiculing him for having standards. I feel justified in what i said because i he needs a wakeup call but maybe i shouldn't have told him he's not that attractive (he has had issues with self-esteem in the past so i feel guilty for bringing up his looks) ###### | NTA. I have a friend who’s also extraordinarily like your friend, and it’s to the point where it’s obnoxious. Even if they DID meet a person who lived up to their physical standards, it’s unlikely that person will also meet their other standards too. Personally, I would much rather a partner who I can chat with and has similar likes as me, over them being my 10/10. ###### |
Hey There.
My parents are divorced and my bio-dad died soon after. It all happend when I was around 3 so i never knew him. My mom remarried a year after their divorce so I grew up with him as my father. My bio-father was an onlychild from my grandparents with who I had no coontact with due to my mother not wanting me to do so. They passed away two months ago an I was the only person in their will. They left me their estate (the house they lived in and some multi storage houses in a city nearby) and quiete a large sum of money as well as a letter in which they wrte that they were sorry for not being part of my life but they accepted my mothers wish. That was news to me my mom told me that they didnt want contact with me beacause they had prblems with her and abandoned me beacause of that. I am legally an adult at 19 and still live at home with my parents and my little sister. She is really spoiled and always gets what she wants because she is the family baby. When i told my parents aboout my inheritance and what all i have got and that i am planning to put 50000 in a saving account for my sister they got mad at me for not splitting it evenly. I was shocked and they tld me that i was an selfish and spoiled brat for not sharing. Honestly i dont mind sharing but now I thing I wont. As i told my parents that they threw me out like litually forced me to left the house i grew up in and threw all my stuff out the window. I was shocked. I picked up my clothes put them in my car and drove too my grandparents house where I an sitting now in shock and writing this post hoping someone can give me advise on this situation because i dont know what to do.
Sorry for spelling and grammar english isnt my first language. Thanks for your time. ###### | NTA. I have a feeling your mom is lying about why you didn’t have contact with them. Just because you have money doesn’t mean other people have a right to it. $50k is a ton of money and they should be grateful for that. You might just want to wait until she’s an adult, so there is no chance of your mom spending the money. Also, if this aren’t her grandparents in any way, why should she be entitled to benefit off of it? ###### |
Earlier today, me and my mom had an argument about me not liking dogs, I told her my reasons but as it seemed, she refused to accept it. I went back to my room and thought that it is all over. Few hours later, she called me to help her with the laundry, I wasn't thinking much about it and went to help her, however, she started telling me that persons who don't like dogs are in fact horrible people and have problems with their inner selves, I asked why she thinks so and she just said ,,I have 45 years of an experience and that's more than you have" and now, she don't want to talk to me until I change my view on dogs..
Am I the asshole?
(Sorry for my English, not a native English speaker) ###### | NTA. I have 46 years of life experience so I know better than your mom: your mom is wrong - you are completely normal. I don’t like dogs either; they are one of the most annoying pets. So don’t worry about what your mom said, she clearly has problems with her inner self and is projecting onto you. ###### |
Hello fellow assholes, first off thank you for giving my some perspective on my previous post about me and my wife. It helped us start a conversation and reach a better position in our marriage.
My wives cousin let’s call her Sara wants to move in with us because she recently had her second baby and wants more room to raise her family. Both me and my wife were the first people to marry outside our races and we came from very different backgrounds. My wife is huge on family and I’m not so much.
My wives family has lived with us before her aunt lived with us lived with us for two years when she fell on hard times till she got a good job and moved out. Her other cousin lived with us for a year after getting out of prison until he also got a job and moved out, I was fine with all of this.
I am not ok with Sara moving in with us, Sara is a single mother of two kids who lives completely off government assistance, government housing, utilities, food stamps you name it. Tax dollars provide her entire life. She has been doing this for 7 years, has no job and does not intend to get one. I fully believe she just wants to live with us to have a bigger and better house and lifestyle. If she moves in she will never move out. She lives in low income New Jersey housing we live in a 6 bedroom in Minnesota.
She says he have the room and it’s our duty to help out family, I told her I’m not willing to help a grown woman who doesn’t want to help herself. So am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. I hate to say it but if entitled family in-law are a common issue for you, you might want to downsize. ###### |
I had recently had a huge falling out with my family. Long story short, my siblings and parents wanted me to leave all my money to my nieces and nephews, I told them where they could go and threatened to stop paying for my parents' assisted living if they kept this nonsense up. I think the possibility of loosing their cushy lifestyle spooked my parents, because suddenly their tune had changed from "You're so selfish" to "aww! we didn't mean it. Lets talk". So, after they kept pestering me have a word with them in person, I invited them over.
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Now my parents know damn well that chocolate is bad for dogs, but my mom has tried to give them some on many occasions. When I tell her off she always comes back with "but maybe they like it" and "I was just being nice". This time when they came over, I left them in the living room and went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. While I was there, one of my dogs came over to greet them. I could see them from the kitchen. My mom petted him for a while, then reached into her purse and pulled out a bar of chocolate. She broke off a piece and was about to give it to him when I stormed over and knocked it out of her hands.
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My parents looked shocked. I was enraged. Even after being told repeatedly that chocolate is bad for dogs, they just didn't get it. When I asked my mom what the hell she was doing, my dad actually started yelling at me and told me I was being rude. I told them either they were complete morons or they were intentionally trying to hurt my dog. I told them I was sick of their BS and that they were on very thin ice with me. When they tried to argue back, I grabbed my dad by the arm and walked him out the door. My mom followed, crying.
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My sister has sent me a text, berating me and calling me cruel for trying to protect my dog.
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I think my reaction was appropriate. But I'd like to know what you think. AITA? ###### | NTA. I hate to say it but I think you mom might have been giving the chocolate on purpose. Don't ever let them near the dogs again. They're horrible people it seems. ###### |
In have this new coworker, 22F. She has been here less than a year and comes with a limited amount of experience. Nonetheless she is a very Type-A coworker and has identified herself a future manager. As such she is very directive in talking and often points at people when addressing them, snaps her fingers when requesting information or asking/telling someone to do a job. We all take turns in the position of “workload supervisor” and she is a little overbearing when it’s her turn.
A while ago I told her immediately after a finger snapping incident (she was requesting information and was snapping to get my attention and was quite persistent) that she needs to stop. She sort of agreed but really just defended her actions as she said she just wants to make sure things are done right. I told her no, never again, it’s disrespectful. I have since told her on 2 more separate occasions to stop. She persists.
AITA for wanting to make her stop snapping? (Hey, flipnsip. *snap* I need this done. *snap* *snap* Now. ** )
For the record, manager is aware of her type-a leanings and just believes that is how she is. Most coworkers hope she grows up and stops. They find her irritating and immature but hope she is either going to improve or go on maternity leave. At no point is her work anything other than average no matter her own perceived level of importance. I honestly try to avoid her but cannot stand the *snapping*. Not at me or any other coworker. ###### | NTA. I hate that crap, you're not a dog, you're a human being. If she has such an issue where she feels constantly compelled to do it, tell her to put her hands in her pockets or something. Ik it's usually not an intentional kinda thing so just be nice about it ###### |
So I met with a friend this past weekend to chat. We're both 21M white guys and go to the same college, but live about 45 minutes away. We decide to meet halfway at this one cafe.
Anyways, we're chatting about various life topics and the discussion of haircuts come up. He says that not being able to get a haircut is good because he can "blend in" with everyone having bad haircuts (or something along those lines.) Now I've gone to places such as Great Clips my whole life, and started going to a local black barbershop about 3 years ago. The difference was night and day in terms of both the experience and quality of haircut.
So I said to him, "You should try going to a black barbershop. They always get you right" and told him about how good my hair always is, and how the barbers make you feel at home. He responded with a simple "yeah I understand." And we changed the conversation and everything was good I thought.
Today I texted him and asked if he wanted to meet again and he texted back saying he'd be happy to but added "don't bring up weird topics again" I asked him what he meant and he brought up what I told him and said I was borderline racist?? I don't understand what exactly I did wrong in this situation and confused on how it could be racist.
AITA? ###### | NTA. I go to an African-American owned hair salon with African-American barbers and hairstylists and with majority African-American customers. I am not black. I go there because I feel the owner is the absolute best hairstylist in my entire city. I send people of all races to her salon. I always have great haircuts and a great time there.
There is nothing racist about supporting any locally owned small business. ###### |
A few days ago I (20m) was out at the supermarket getting a few things when a girl came up to me and asked for my number saying I look "cute". Problem is I'm gay as you can probably guess from my name. Me never experience this before tried to be as polite as possible and told her "thank you I'm flattered but I'm gay, sorry about that". I thought all would be good after that but she got upset and started ranting about how all the guys are turning gay and proceeded to call me a f_g and tr_nny for some reason (I'm not trans at all so that was confusing. I having the true blue potty mouth I have called her a c_nt and told her good luck finding a guy who wants to put up with c_nt like you. When i got home I told my sister what happened and she called me TA saying that I have no right to call a woman a c_nt and that I should consider myself lucky she would even ask me for my number. So I'm here getting the opinion of the people, AITA? ###### | NTA. I get that word is a lot more offensive in the US than it is here, and you shouldn't engage with people who have a poor IQ for a glass of water, but i mean, if the shoe fits. ###### |
Ok.
So I drive trucks for a living and I'm not home all the time to fix things when they break down or mess up.
We have a dwindling rat problem that's slowly being taken care of by the exterminator that I pay to come to my house once a month.
So the rats that are remaining in the house decided to crawl up into the backside of my washer and chew holes into the drain hose of the washer letting water either leak out or shoot out depending on if the washer is running or not.
My wife called to tell me that the rats have chewed a hole in the drain line and that it needed to be fixed. I told her that I would be home in a few days and that's when I'd be able to fix it. The part including shipping is roughly $30. The washer itself is only 3 years old. Still works great.
She calls me back a few hours later and tells me that she spent over a $1000 for a new washer and gets mad at me for getting pissed that she would waste over 30x the amount it would take to fix the old one, proceeds to yell at me and call me a asshole for getting pissed while she's stating that she needs to be able to do laundry for the next few days until I get home.
Edit: Wife and kids at home with no washer for 2 days. ###### | NTA. I get not wanting to go without a washer for days, but why didn't she just *call a repairman?!* ###### |
So my (22F) parents (50+) were in the backyard doing some gardening and planting flowers today and left the garage door open. They have a few extra of certain supplies and made a care package for one of my friends who is struggling and left it on the front porch.
They have security cameras and were surprised when the supplies went missing before my friend had a chance to pick it up. I ended up getting a call (as I do not currently live with them but will be back there in a month) that someone came by, went into their garage for a while, then came out went to the front door, tried the door handle, and then took the package and walked away. Eventually the guy came back went into our garage again for a really long time, and then left again.
I am worried that they may be planning to break into the house or have stolen something and want to post a PSA on Facebook to look out for this sketchy kid (he seems about 17-19). When I told my parents this my mom said no because they don’t want to ruin his life, but I am worried why he would spend so much time in my parents house.
WIBTA if I went against my mother’s wishes and posted the information anyways? ###### | NTA. I genuinely hate when people let bad people get away with things because "it will ruin their life." Who cares? They have no remorse or care for other people, so why should they be protected? They already stole from you once and will almost definitely do it again. ###### |
As if I wasn’t already the black sheep of the family!
I don’t know the deal with my parents generation and their proclivity to lying about our family tree, but I was raised being lied to until my real genetic father was dead, so I never got to meet him. Instead I was lead to believe that my sisters dad was also mine. The truth came out as it often does, and a lot of things finally made sense.
Fast forward 20 years until I’m 32 years old, and just before my sisters dad dies, he revealed to me that my cousins (35F) real dad was his best friend in high school, and her real mom was his other sister. The younger sister gave the older one her baby and they let her believe that her aunt was her mom and vise-versa.
Now, he of all people had a solid understanding that I would relate deeply, and he had to know I wouldn’t keep the secret. However I also know he felt bad, because a couple days later, he asked me not to tell.
I told him I wouldn’t take any action until he was gone, but that I would not keep their secret from my cousin.
So, after he passed, I told his sisters that they could come clean, or I would tell my cousin the truth. (reminder that I have no real blood relation to these “aunts”, but they maintained each other’s lies throughout mine and my “cousins” childhood.)
They were argumentative, so I told my cousin.
Of course now my “aunts” hate me. However, my cousin got to meet her real father, and a half brother as a result.
Somebody I respect recently scolded me and said I was in the wrong, because it’s “none of my business” but I’m having a hard time seeing it that way.
AITA, and if so, why? ###### | NTA. I find lying to children about their biological parents to be one of the most disrespectful and horrible things an adult guardian/parent can do. Children deserve to know this information when they are old enough to process. Adults keeping this from children for their own selfish reasons is wrong. If I was your cousin I would be thankful that at least one person in my family respected me enough to not lie to me. ###### |
My (16F) sister (18F) and I have never gotten along. We have very different personalities and always argue. Today we were visiting someone else’s house and got into an argument there. I can’t even remember what started it. She said something and I got mad at her. We were yelling at each other and getting pretty intense, and then she said something that stopped the argument. It was basically “Go ahead and kill yourself, see if I care! I wish you’d just shoot yourself and get out of my freaking LIFE!” Afterwards, she looked horrified and tried to apologise but I ran up to my room.
This really upset me because our dad shot himself when we were little. He’s part of the reason for all our arguing. She feels really bad about what she said and has constantly tried to apologise to me, but I refused to listen. She’s said bad stuff to me before, but this is worse because of our dad. I don’t know if I’m in the wrong. AITA? ###### | NTA. I feel like in the heat of arguments we say things we don't really mean especially with our siblings. It's almost inevitable. I've had this same exact experience happen with my sister and me as well at another person's house. Yes, in front of our parents. Its embarrassing looking back on it, but it's important as long as you two make up then things will be okay again. ###### |
Long story short: My former roommate and I had a lot of issues. We're friends, but by the end of living together, I almost couldn't stand her. She expected me to be her mom - I bought all the groceries, cleaned, etc. She only paid 1/3 of the rent, and she has the maturity of a teenager.
Living with her was detrimental to my mental/emotional health, my relationship, and my finances. She moved back in with her parents when the lease was up. I remained at the same apartment.
She's been begging me for the last few weeks to let her move back in because her situation at home isn't great. I've said no.
Today, I found out that she's living in her car, and I feel like an AH but I also don't want her to move back in. ###### | NTA. I feel for her and her situation. But you have to put yourself and your health first. ###### |
My (22 F) family is very religious, I am not but I respect it . I am the only child that still lives at home. We are not a close family but we do have weekly dinner’s where my other two siblings come to (25 M) (30F). My mother (65 F) uses this weekly dinner to insult me during her “prayers” before dinner. Think “Dear God please help us for SOME members of our family are cold and heartless” and “Dear God please help SOME of us for being evil”. I usually interject and say that a prayer is not the time to insult me. Then she says that’s what prayers are for and it’s rude to interrupt a prayer. AITA? ###### | NTA. I dont think theres anything wrong with defending yourself. Also to me that's not praying, its using religion as an excuse to be nasty. ###### |
He threw a fit after me and my mom were cleaning my sisters room, and I accidentally dropped a glass. He then unloaded the dishwasher, re-arranged the kitchwn dish layout, and moved my moms cups to a place where she can barely reach them. I sent him that, and he responds "They where there for half the time we lived here" I go "Well it hurts her back to get them, and she shouldnt have to climb to get them. I get payed to do the dishes, she does them 2/7 days a week, and he does them once a month, if that, and me and mom do 97% of cooking. ###### | NTA. i dont give a fuck who pays for the house, whoever cooks and cleans the kitchen most of the time, the kitchen belongs to them.
Also, u getting payed to do the dishes? ###### |
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year and half now. Bloodwork came back all great, sperm analysis came back great. There are a few more diagnostic tests I can have done, but COVID has thrown a wrench in those plans as of late.
My mother in law is a newly graduated sonographer, but DOES NOT work in an OB/GYN setting. She does diagnostic work for veins, the heart, kidneys (I'm probably describing her job poorly) - but she does not work with the uterus, fertility, at all, whatsoever, period.
She is understandably impatient because she wants me to "get pregnant already" (all 3 of her children were not planned) and every time she sees me, she has a new BS diagnosis for me that she likely read online. So she is CONVINCED that my uterus is fucked up and backwards, upside down, etc. you name it - and won't stop asking me to scan my uterus and what not. But ... I really don't feel comfortable having my anatomy looked at - MUCH LESS DIAGNOSED from someone who is not a doctor and does not specialize in this field.
I know she means well, but I really wish she'd stop acting like I'm broken. ###### | NTA. I don’t use strong language very often here, but tell her to fuck off. Your uterus is your business, not hers. ###### |
Hi all,
I’ve worked as a swim teacher for 6 years, and due to this, have seen all sorts of disabilities/mental illnesses in my students. I’m not a mental health professional, but I have had training in recognizing certain crises and how to teach kids with autism/ADHD/etc.
I have a class at the busiest time of day, when it is extremely loud and crazy. It’s hard for even a neurotypical kid to focus. Additionally, this class is at max capacity, which is hard for me to manage and give attention to every student.
One of the children in this class, “J”, is 8 years old. There’s nothing on his file about any sort of mental problem. If the disability is serious enough, the parents are strongly encouraged/required to have their kids in private classes so that they get the attention they need.
J is almost completely nonverbal, and cannot focus. He is also in a level that is way too high; he can barely float on his own, and the other kids can swim by themselves in this level. He has sensory problems, as he often covers his ears and freaks out when it gets noisy. He shouts at the other kids for getting too close to him, and generally I feel he hasn’t learned anything.
I decided to talk to his mom about this. I told her that I thought he should move to a different time, and consider getting a private class. She defensively asked why. I said J had trouble focusing and he needed extra attention. Growing more angry, the mom asked why I thought that. I said he seems to have some extra mental and sensory needs that weren’t met in this class.
She immediately flips, yelling that I had no right to tell her what her child needed, and that he was completely ‘normal’. She was irate and told me that I wasn’t a doctor or professional so I should keep my opinions to myself.
I got in trouble with the higher ups as she complained, but I just wanted to know if I was in the wrong here. ###### | NTA. I don’t think “mental issues” is the right way to say it, but it sounds like that’s not how you worded it to his mom. Seems like you’re looking out for his best interest. It’s your job to keep the kids safe and teach them, and you can’t teach everyone if you need to spend the entire class with him. It’s not fair to him OR the other kids. Mom is in denial and needs a serious wake up call. If she doesn’t seek help for his sensory needs now, how TF does anyone expect him to grow up into a functioning adult? ###### |
So I’m 6 months pregnant and I was talking to my friend who has two kids on the phone today. She asked how I was doing and I mentioned that my feet were really hurting today, and she said I should get my husband to rub them.
I told her that he doesn’t like giving foot rubs, and I usually use a baseball and roll my foot on it. She said something along the lines of “so what if he doesn’t like foot rubs, you’re pregnant, he should be giving them”. I said again he doesn’t like doing it and gets annoyed when I ask too often. He gives them once in a while.
She said to play up how much it hurt, whine all the time about how much my feet hurt, maybe cry when he says no, and she said that’s what she did when her husband didn’t want to give foot rubs. I thought it was sort of manipulative to do that and I said that it’s kind of unhealthy to be doing that kind of thing, either he’s going to do it or not but you shouldn’t be faking pain to have him do it.
She then got mad and said it’s not unhealthy, she was just doing a little harmless acting, and not to judge her relationship when I’m the one complaining about my feet(which she asked how I was doing in the first place).
I told her I didn’t really feel like talking anymore, and she then said I’m not the judge jury and executioner on what a healthy relationship(I don’t know that the phrase really works here but that’s what she said)is and to stop being so self righteous.
I’m wondering if I just should have let it go from the beginning, because she’s not usually so... combative so I think I must have crossed a line. AITA? ###### | NTA. I don’t necessarily disagree it would be nice for your husband to get over himself a bit more (or for you to ask, idk if he actually says no). You are pregnant, after all, and I’m sure you don’t like all the struggles that come with it any more than he would like giving you a few more foot rubs and stuff.
You should be in this together, and the bulk of it falls on you already, so it sounds unfair and not like the healthiest relationship if you feel like you should take on all of it so he’s not bothered. Then idk if he really just has a thing against foot rubs and he’s caring and generous in every other way, but just pointing that out.
What your friend does is definitely manipulative and immature, anyway. Messed up, childish, and totally something that you had every right to call her out on. ###### |
Posting this for my sister! We’ll call her Maggie.
31 years ago Maggie and her twin brother were born to our mom, and her birth father, (John) walked out on them and our mom. Our mom didn’t seek child support or custody, as John left the state and dropped all contact. He was an addict and had no interest in being a father.
A few years later, our mom met my dad and they got married, had me, and my dad helped raise Maggie and our brother.
Again, my mom never received any child support from John.
A few years ago Maggie found John on Facebook and saw she had other siblings from him so she added them and John on Facebook to try and get to know them. She’s not close with John, but she’s spoke with him off and on to wish him happy birthdays and holidays etc.
Because of what’s going on in the world, everyone here got a stimulus check. Today, John messaged Maggie and said “tell your mom your welcome” and when Maggie pressed him, he said “she got 850 from my stimulus check. When you were little she wouldn’t let me see you so I wouldn’t give her money.”
Let me stress, our mom didn’t get any extra money. So whatever money he’s talking about, we didn’t get anyway.
Maggie was shocked and said “I should thank you for not supporting us?” And he blamed our mother for that.
Maggie said “sorry but I don’t agree. No matter the circumstance a parent should support his children. Mom never bad mouthed you and I understand you had a hard life with addiction and jail. But don’t expect gratitude for the government taking money from you because you didn’t do the right thing 30 years ago.”
It’s been a couple of hours but my sister is now worried she was an asshole to say that to him.
So, Reddit, is my sister TA for saying this to her birth father? ###### | NTA. I don’t know where the $850 he thinks he deserved went, but without formal custody and child support order in place, nothing went to your mom. ###### |
My wife (33f) and I (43m) have three kids from 3 to 10. She is a stay-at-home mom because I make enough money to support the whole family, she prefers not to work, and she wouldn't make enough to cover daycare for the preschoolers if she worked.
Anyway, even before my job went to work-from-home, she put minimal effort into taking care of the house, and more often than not, we would eat out because she didn't want to cook, and I'd often get home too late to cook myself. Most days I'd come home to the house an utter wreck, with clothes, toys, food, and trash from one end of the house to the other (she usually fed the kids on the sofa while she played on her computer). I'd clean the house as best I could with the limited time I had, only to find the house trashed the next day I got home from work.
Now that I'm working from home, I'm doing practically everything. Preparing every meal, changing the 3yo, teaching 10yo, cleaning house, doing virtual Taekwondo with the kids, baths, bedtime, on top of working 40 hours a week. Many days she won't even get out of bed, just getting her laptop from her nightstand and playing her online game (often expecting me to bring her meals in bed). If she does leave the bed, it's to go sit at the desk and play. She literally plays her game from when she wakes up until she goes to sleep.
I'm overwhelmed, overworked, and tired. There's no physical disability keeping her from taking care of thing, although she does have a learning disability and Asperger's.
I'm at the point of shutting off and/or severely limiting her Internet access during the daytime to get her off the computer, pay more attention to us, and do things around the house. But, she's a grown woman, so part of me feels that putting child safety restrictions on her computer would be infantilizing and demeaning.
So, WIBTA for shutting down my wife's ability to play her online game to get her to help me take care of the house and kids? ###### | NTA. I don’t know that this is the best way to deal with your problem, but clearly you have to do something because you basically have four kids now and no partner. It is possible that she’s just being lazy, but it sounds like there’s something very wrong here. She needs to speak with her doctor if she’s not getting out of bed. Did she used to be more active? ###### |
I am 16 and I am FTM trans, my parents know about this but deny it. Say they need more proof before they accept it.
One of the things I have never done is shave my legs. Although my mom always calls me a slob, disgusting and every name under the book. Last night she called me the most disgusting human being for no shaving my legs and I snapped at her, telling he I will never ever shave my legs and she'd have to tie me down to a chair and do it herself if it ever happened. This made her in turn call me a selfish brat who doesn't care about anyone but *her*self, and I would never get anywhere in the real world with how I act. ###### | NTA. I don’t care what gender you are - your body, your body hair, your business, period. ###### |
My friend has had a crush on me for years now and knows that I do not reciprocate the feelings and nothing will ever happen between us.
I generally feel uneasy and uncomfortable with people saving my pictures on their phone as I find it really creepy.
A few months ago I found out he did that and even put my picture as his phone wallpaper and even whatsapp wallpaper. We got into a huge fight and he agreed to delete them off his phone and change the wallpaper. Now I found out he has my picture as a “home” wallpaper not the lock screen one. When I got mad about it he got defensive and said its just the lock screen so no one will see it. I know this seems really silly and stupid but from my pov we agreed on this topic awhile ago and its such a boundary issue.
Am i overreacting? Aita? ###### | NTA. I don't want anyone to have my face as their phone background honestly. totally weird for him to do that. it seems like this dudes got some serious feelings for you and maybe reconsider the friendship if he seems this hung up on it ###### |
Sorry for formatting, also English is not my first language.
Throwaway cause she knows my username. I know the title sounds bad.
I (f, 20) have had a boyfriend since 2018, pretty damn healthy relationship. I'm also bisexual with a preference for men.
Basically a few days ago a gay girl (f, 19) told me she liked me. She knows that I'm bi. Our conversation went something like this
Gay girl (gg): Listen here, (my name), I have a crush on you.
Me: Okay? But you know that I have a boyfriend.
GG: That's all you're going to say?
Me: Yeah? What am I supposed to say?
GG: Don't you like me back?
Me: No. You know I'm okay with my relationship.
GG: But you said you're bi! ((((here she started getting mad))))
Me: I am bi but my relationship is healthy and I don't have any feelings towards you
GG: ((((started yelling things I didn't understand and that I'm homophobic))))
Of course after that I hung up without saying bye. Yesterday her friends started messaging me that I'm an asshole for not giving her a chance. I don't want to give her a chance cause I'm happy and I tried explaining that but they still insist that I'm an asshole. After her friends started messaging me I called her and told her to tell them to stop that because thats fucking harassment. She said they were not going to stop so I told her that I don't even like her as a person right now.
so reddit
AITA for not liking a gay girl? ###### | NTA. I don't understand why people are calling you an asshole for not cheating on your boyfriend. It seems like they might be playing on the AWFUL stereotype that everyone who identifies as bi is a cheater. Also nobody should shame you for not being attracted to someone. ###### |
My mother has this habit of asking me questions with no context behind them and then getting mad at me when I give her what she deems as the wrong answer. For example, she asked me this morning if I wanted to come to the grocery store with her, to which I said no. She then got annoyed because she didn’t want to go alone and wanted help with the shopping - something she never mentioned in her question.
I decided to confront her about it because I normally don’t and this happens way too often, and I said that she shouldn’t have given me a choice, and when I said no, it was unfair of her to get mad. She should have said something like “would you come to the store with me because I’d like help with the groceries?” I told her this and she just shut me down again saying that she can never get anything right and that she can never win.
Am I the asshole for thinking she’s being stupid and am I the asshole for finally calling her out? ###### | NTA. I don't think she's being stupid, though. I think she wants to be a victim and play martyr. ###### |
I recently made an online clothing purchase, which I was really excited about. I expressed my excitement to my boyfriend while the package was in transit. Once it arrived, I put on one of the shirts and sent a picture to my boyfriend. He responded “wtf is that?” With laughing emojis and when I said “wow” back, he responded with “you can’t be serious right?”
I expressed to him that I was upset about what he said. I suggested to him that instead of making rude comments he should just say I look nice (even if he doesn’t think so). He seemed baffled at this request and asked if I wanted him to “just be a fake person”.
He tried to clarify that he didn’t mean I looked ugly, only that he didn’t picture me to wear something like that. He said I was overreacting and that I “love to make arguments out of nothing”.
So, AITA for being upset over something so small? ###### | NTA. I don't necessarily think that the solution here is for him to say you look nice, but he certainly shouldn't have made fun of you and belittled you like that. Him saying you make arguments out of nothing is a deflection because he doesn't want to admit he was being insensitive.
Of course, I suppose it depends on what the shirt was... if it was actually a Barney costume or some sort of thing that looks like it could be intentionally absurd, that would change my answer. ###### |
We just moved in to our neighborhood and our neighbors across from us have young child (around 4 years old). Every morning before the dad goes off to work he honks and horn and the little kid yells “BYE”. This happens anywhere from 7:45-8:30 every morning before work. This wakes myself and my fiancée up every single morning as our bedroom window faces their house that’s only 200 ft away from our ears. We roll our eyes and groan and then fall back asleep.
My fiancée and I had a discussion about this and while we think it’s adorable in theory it’s still super annoying. AITA if I politely confronted them or left them an anonymous letter?
TLDR; neighbors honk horn early in the morning to say bye to their kid, AITA for being annoyed? ###### | NTA. I don't know that your neighbors are intentionally being A's either, it seems like they're trying to be cute and might just be unaware of the volume. But because I personally don't think you should be proactively making any outside noise at all prior to like 9 AM, I've opted to go with NTA. Someone in my old neighborhood tried to fire up a weed-wacker at 7 AM one day, and I'm not going to say I screamed out the window for them to stfu, but I'm not going to say I *didn't* either.....
If you give them a heads up politely and tactfully (moreso than what I did) you would not be an A and you're not the A for being annoyed by it. If they opt to continue doing it though for their kid's sake, you might just want to invest in ear plugs rather than die on this hill. Good luck! ###### |
Hello,
I am female and 18 years old. Currently I am working part time as a waitress while attending High School. My sister (20) has depression, epilepsy and a trauma which is causion something called dissociation. Because of this she can't go to College or work anymore. She is living with her boyfriend.
My mother and my father (they aren't together) are giving her money monthly.
My mom always tells me to give my sister money because she can't work and has no income.
Maybe I am just the A but I don't want to give her money. I am not one if her parents and not resposible for her. I work for my own money to afford my clothes, sometimes food, going out with friends and stuff I'd like to buy.
My mom is often mad because of this. Her reason is: "You are working and you have money. She can't work so help her."
My dad doesn't know about this.
AITA? ###### | NTA. I don't imagine you have much spare income as a part time waitress. Your sister has two parents and lives with her boyfriend. It's not reasonable to expect you to give her money. ###### |
Throwaway as I feel this is so ridiculous and don't want it on my main account.
I recently ordered some new clothes and one of them is a top with a love heart on it. The love heart is coloured in 7 different colours making a rainbow look. I got it because it looked bright and cheerful.
Today I came downstairs wearing it and my husband asked why I'm wearing a rainbow top when I'm not gay. I told him you don't have to be gay to like rainbows but he got annoyed and said he wasn't going out with me in public wearing it as people would think I'm a lesbian. I told him if people think that then I have no problems with it and that I was wearing it whether he liked it or not. In the end he refused to come out shopping with me and has been acting like a toddler who's taken a tantrum since I got home.
He made similar comments when I got a pixie cut 3 years ago which I absolutely loved but I've grown it back since as he said he wasn't attracted to me with it. Apart from that he never makes homophobic comments and seems to have no problems with gay people. ###### | NTA. I don't even have words for what a ridiculous child your husband is acting like. Throwing a fit over a rainbow t shirt is both controlling and homophobic. He does indeed have a problem with gay people if the thought of anyone mistaking you for one throws him into a tizzy. ###### |
Over the last couple weeks, I’ve seen chalk drawings pop up on the sidewalks. Nothing wrong with that and some of the “art” is encouraging like little “obstical courses”.
However. This afternoon I came outside to see someone drew a huge cross in chalk on my driveway along with #HeIsRisen and Happy Easter. I took out my hose and washed the away the chalk drawing and then took my dog for a walk.
When I came back, as I was walking up my driveway, one of my neighbours came out and said “excuse me, is there a reason you ruined my daughters drawing?” I clarified wether or not she was talking about the chalk drawing on my driveway and she said yes and that she daughter spent almost an hour on the drawing and was just trying to spread positivity and celebrate Jesus.
I said that I was sorry that I upset her daughter but that it was my driveway and I didn’t agree to have someone draw on it especially when it was a religious holiday I Don’t celebrate (I’m Jewish but don’t consider myself religious).
She then went off an started calling me things like “anti religious, a miserable asshole and a horrible person.” I tried to tell her to calm down and stop verbally assaulting me. She then told me that I will regret washing away her daughters picture, flipped me off and walked away.”
was I the asshole here for washing away the chalk?
Edit: just found out she has two daughters 13-15 so neither of them are “little” girls. ###### | NTA. I don't care if it was a treasure map to a pot of gold, respect the property lines. ###### |
I'm (28,m) gay, and my friend, Sara (23,f) is a good friend of mine. She's pretty and quite popular etc etc and it got to a point where she had to file restraining order for TWO stalkers. I've known her for a while now and she's a good friend in general. One day she asked me about my type of man I'm attracted to. I told her that I'm attracted to people who's shorter than me, confident and funny. She said "oh! Just like me but with penis." we laughed it off for a while, but for couple of weeks, she keeps repeating that my type is basically her but as a man, and I'd totally date her if she's a man, which got me uncomfortable. I see her as my sister.
And during a dinner (this was months ago) with my other friends, we talked about our dating life and she told my friends that " OP won't be so lonely if she's a guy because I'm his type". I texted her when we got back home and told her that all of these "you're my type" thingy kinda makes me uncomfortable. She was confused and asked why, and insisted that it's true, she has all of the trait that I would get attracted to if she's a man.
I told her even if it's true its weird for you to repeat it. She said that its weird for me to get weirded out by this and asked me to stop assuming things and just see it as a joke. She later got pissy because "she can't even joke around anymore" and ended the chat.
We never speak about it again.
I talked about this with my siblings if I did something wrong and I missed it. Sister #1 told me that I'm overreacting and it left a bad taste in Sara's mouth while sister #2 agreed with me that she would feel uncomfortable too and there's a possibility Sara liked me. Sister #1 told me that I should probably apologize and just get over it if I value the friendship while sister #2 said that I did nothing wrong at all.
AITA? ###### | NTA. I do think your sisters are missing the point. They seem focused on whether you SHOULD have felt uncomfortable....when what matters is that you did, and Sara didn't respect that feeling. All she needed to say was "Oh sorry, just meant it as a joke, I'll stop".
At least it sounds like she has stopped. ###### |
I just wanna say that I have nothing against this guy and I want to help him where I can. But as of lately, what I thought was a one off thing has turned into probably around 2 or 3 times a week now. This guy who happens to be disabled (visually impaired I believe) comes by my workshop and asks to use the toilet.
We only have one toilet available so it’s just common courtesy to keep it clean and hygienic.
He does his business and I go in about 30 mins later and find the toilet is an absolute mess. Shit all on the bowl and just stinks. He leaves as quick as he came in and I’m stuck with his artwork.
A few days later same thing, asks to use the toilet and because of his disability I allow him. Came back a bit later and it’s the same deal. Piss and shit everywhere.
Today he comes in again I allow it again. I assume he went for number 2 again because he was in there for a while. Bit cleaner this time but fkn stunk out the joint.
Now i personally wouldn’t go into some randoms shop/house and nuke their toilet. And I’m kinda at the stage of saying no to him now because I don’t know him (and it’s gross cleaning up after him). But I don’t want to be a dick and say no and he ends up soiling himself.
WIBTA if I stop the disabled guy from destroying my work toilet multiple time’s a week? Or is there a better alternative to this?
Edit: sorry I should’ve mentioned he is a random off the street. I see him walk around locally so I know of him, but don’t know him personally.
Also we only have 2 toilets, 1 male 1 female ###### | NTA. I deal with a very similar situation where I work. A disabled girl regularly comes into our store to hang out/occasionally buy something. She's nice enough and isn't really disruptive so we don't mind when she comes in.
However when she uses our bathroom it ends up exactly the way you describe. So now we're at the point where whenever she comes in, someone immediately runs and puts an "out of order" sign up on the door with a cone in front of it so she doesn't try to go in.
It's worked well and we haven't had an incident with her for a long time. Maybe something like that would work for you if possible? ###### |
Basically, on Sunday my dad celebrated his birthday with some friends at dinner, and my mum was there as well. She English and we live overseas, where I was raised and my dad was born. Let's say the country is Spain and the language is Spanish. We only ever speak English at home and she's only ever spoken English at work. She sort of speaks Spanish but not very well, and she's got dyslexia which make language acquisition difficult for her. Everyone at the table spoke fluent English anyway, so it shouldn't have been an issue.
At some point late in the evening, my mum was chatting to my dad's friend, and out of nowhere said friend says 'If I were you I'd be ashamed and embarrassed of myself for not speaking Spanish'. My mum was visibly uncomfortable but didn't say anything. The friend went on to begin saying something about how many years my mum has lived in Spain, but I got annoyed and interrupted her. I told her that my mother had nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed of, that she's hard working and has been busy supporting her family and raising me, so she really hasn't had time do something which she already finds very difficult (my mum is not secretive about her dyslexia at all, so I knew this was something which I would not be crossing any boundaries by saying).
I feel like I sort of killed the vibe. My mum was visibly relieved (and I know confrontation makes her nervous, so I really did feel the need to step in and ensure she wasn't in an uncomfortable position). My dad's friend apologised and everything, but I just have thing nagging feeling, like I did something I wasn't meant to. I didn't call my dad's friend any names of raise my voice; my tone was quite pointed, of course, but hardly unkind - probably more assertive than anything else.
This has been bugging me, so I really do want to know what you all think. Guys/gals/pals - am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. I could go into why but seems pretty clear cut. ###### |
My hubs (50M) and I (42F) purchased our first home a few months ago. I do the grocery shopping, cooking, dishes, mopping, sweeping, and bathroom counters. He does the vacuuming (when he remembers), the showers (maybe every 4 weeks), and the toilets (every week). I frequently have to remind him to get his chores done and there are small projects around the house that still aren't done.
We got a battery powered lawnmower which I have never used. A few weeks ago, I asked him to teach me how to start the lawnmower in case I need to know how it use it to cut grass. This last Monday, I had the Memorial Day holiday off and we lounged about and had a great day. I work full time from home and am taking an intense master's degree program and loved having a day away from work and my textbooks.
About 6pm, he says he's going outside to do some work. I brew myself a pot of tea, grab my Kindle, and snuggle in with my dog on the sofa to read. Ten minutes into this, he come into the room and says "Hey, I'm going to cut grass, come out." I replied "I'm good. I'll come out next time." He says, "Just come out." I said back "I'm settled in and comfy, I'll go out next time."
He says fine and then leaves the room. He turns around, storms in the room, and says "Get the fuck up and stop being lazy and childish!" We had an argument that no one talks to me like that. And that he's been lazy and childish as well and that I don't talk to him in that way. Things were settled and life moved on. However, in the last 4 days, Hubs has done SO much around the house. Chores, small projects, things that have been waiting for him to do since we moved in. I know this is out of guilt because he called me lazy and I called him on it.
Should I let this go? WIBTA to bring it up? I am still hurt that he lashed out at me and called me lazy when I do most of the chores and have to remind him constantly to do his. ###### | NTA. I can’t believe he had the audacity to say that to you considering how hard you work. He probably is feeling guilty, and rightfully so! I think if you approach it calmly, it’s probably good to talk with him to figure out where that outburst came from. ###### |
For the past few years, I have been against having kids. I hate the thought of getting pregnant and it absolutely terrifies me. My parents have always hated me for that, but I can't really do anything about it.
My sister, on the other hand, is desperate to get married and desperate to have children. She has a few chronic illnesses though. Now that she has a boyfriend she's been getting ready to have kids. Researching the best part of our city to have kids, looking at preschools, etc.
Due to her chronic illness, she spoke to a doctor that told her that childbirth is possible for her, but the best route is adoption or surrogacy.
When she expressed to me that she expected me to be her surrogate, I told her that I didn't want to be her surrogate. I'm a healthy person, but pregnancy comes with too many health risks that I don't want to deal with our face, and I don't think I could handle the pain of labor and childbirth.
She insists that as her sister, I should be willing to step up.
Now I feel kind of guilty about the whole thing. She upset with me now. I want her to be happy but I don't think I could be a surrogate.
So, WIBTA? ###### | NTA. I can't imagine my reaction if someone told me they 'expected' me to be their surrogate. WTF.
Also just FYI--people who haven't given birth aren't usually allowed to be surrogates. ###### |
I feel rather childish about feeling so jealous of my sisters birthday and know that as an 18 year old I should have more control over my emotions. Yet I have this petty feeling that celebrating her birthday is unfair since we never celebrated mine. I turned 18 this year and instead of doing anything with my family my dad went to Mexico, my sister locked herself in her room, and I sat alone at home and ate cake in the dark. I was expecting to just celebrate it when my family got back but whenever I’d bring it up my dad would alway ask to do it later and remind me I got a big gift card for Christmas so he’s not going to get me anything (I have an early January birthday). The gift thing wasn’t a problem since I didn’t actually ask for anything but when he finally agreed to celebrate my birthday he was intoxicated my sister left as soon as she got food to eat in her room and I ate in my room since his intoxication was super triggering. I feel like I lost my last chance to celebrate since I’ll be in college next year and am still really upset about the whole thing. I’ve brought it up with my dad a couple times but he didn’t seem to get it and now I’m worried that I’m gonna be an asshole when the inevitable feelings of jealousy and sadness come up tomorrow during my sisters birthday. Would it be unreasonable to leave the room if I’m starting to feel the negative emotions or should I grin and bear it? I made her a cake and now kinda just wanna not be a part of the celebration. I feel like either way I’ll mess things up and idk what’s the least dickish way to go about this.
TLDR: am I the asshole for not wanting to celebrate my sisters birthday after not having mine celebrated?
(Sorry if the spelling of grammar sucks I’m super dyslexic) ###### | NTA. I can't believe you even made cake for your sister. She doesn't deserve it. ###### |
My boyfriend and I have had arguments about how much time I spend on my phone instead of paying attention to him or the thing we’re doing together. I get that. I’ve worked on it. Today, my boyfriend sat me down and said that I’m spending too much time talking on the phone with my mom and sister about stuff that doesn’t matter when we’re walking tv or doing things together.
My family is notorious for their long-winded conversations, but I try to keep conversations down to about 15-30 mins. I get how that can be annoying but I live with him! We aren’t working right now and are glued at the hip from the moment we wake up. All we do is hang out!! Surely I couldn’t be in the wrong for spending 2% of my day talking to my FAMILY!!!
So tell me, am I the asshole for giving my family a little attention when we’re hanging out? ###### | NTA. I came from a family similar to this and it is seriously the best way to bond. I felt like true, while it could be annoying that you spent a ton of your time looking at the phone while spending the time with him, but in this situation, you were talking to your family.
Even when you're talking nonsense to each other I felt like your boyfriend should have been more understanding. Serious boundary talk should actually happen between the both of you as if it were me; I'd be furious at him for saying such nonsense. ###### |
So, recently I learned just how homophobic my brother is. It turns out he repeats that “gays go to hell and are bad” to his CHILDREN. I am a pan/bi guy, and this shocked me seeing how he was only a little on the “gays are bad” side until now. I have reinforced it in my niece and nephew that what he is saying is not true nor is it good. His blatant homophobia has caused my niece, a usually sweet girl, to call people gay or lesbian as an insult. I, again, have tried to reinforce it to her and telling her that calling someone gay or lesbian as an insult is not very good. All of this has caused me to hate my step-brother and his wife due to this. AITA? ###### | NTA. I am surprised you have not cut contact for this. ###### |
For background we have been together for 4 years. Largely very good except for this one issue.
This has been an issue for literally a year. My boyfriends breath sucks.
I first brought it up lightly this time last year. He said he would brush better. Nothing. Two months later I bring it up and asks if he brushes his tongue. He said he would start. No progress. Three months later I said its really starting to turn me off and it was fine for a few days then came back. This went on until now.
Last week I brought it up and he said that there was nothing he could do because he brushes twice a day and maybe its all in my head because no one else tells him? (Wtf) But all his friends live out of town so he only games with them online, and he's not that close with his coworkers so obviously they wouldn't say anything.
It's really affecting our relationship because we sleep in the same bed and he falls asleep first and breathes all over me at night. How can someone sleep with all that all over them? So I sleep in another room and he gets a bit upset in the morning.
I feel like he doesn't respect how much this is affecting me. I don't want to wince literally every time I see him. Why doesn't he care?
I am going to get him to go to the doctor to check for tonsil stones or SOMETHING. WIBTA if I told him I was going to do this? I'm about to break up a fantastic relationship over this issue, it's been so long. ###### | NTA. I am surprised that for his own life and interactions he doesn't want to improve this, but what really sent me over is the fact that he ignores your concerns about it and then gets mad when you sleep elsewhere. If he doesn't want to take care of it, fine, but he can't expect you to bathe in it. ###### |
TLDR: Just had a miscarriage. Partner left me the morning after to go mushroom picking. Said it was my fault that I hadn’t asked him to stay. Now, he wants to go with me for the follow-up clinical visit. AITA for not wanting him to be involved in the follow-up visits.
I just had a miscarriage.
Thankfully I am medically fine based on my clinical visits. I have one follow-up visit to ensure that there are no complications. My partner was there during the 1st visit that’s when I found out that it was a miscarriage. There were associated pains physically on the day it happened and I honestly thought it was just post-workout pain because I have been playing badminton the day before. All in all it was a shocking and tiring day physically and mentally and I was glad he was there all throughout.
What I couldn’t wrap my head around was that the very next morning he told me that he wants to go mushroom picking with people from his work because he said “ it could be fun”. He left me, to go do that and when I told him I would have appreciated if he was there because he was texting me while he was out. He told me, I should have asked for it. Followed by a text, “Btw, I would like to hangout with you tonight though”.
It was just illuminating moment for me how his actions made me realize that I couldn’t be with someone who would go mushroom picking the morning after I had a miscarriage. I left his place. He called me 3 times and texted me that he wants to be there during the last follow up visit “because it would mean a lot to him”. But I don’t want him involved anymore.
AITA for not wanting to involve him for the visit (and possible in my life) because it was overwhelming with the miscarriage and I don’t want to deal with the fact that he choose me over mushrooms and that he implied that it was my fault because I didn’t ask for him to stay.
(If what he wants is peace of mind that the miscarriage has no complications, he could go ask the mushrooms.) ###### | NTA. I am so sorry for your loss.
My husband (then boyfriend) was an over the road truck driver when I had our first (of three) miscarriages. He was in Tennessee when I called him to tell him I was losing our baby and he literally called his work and got himself loads to reroute himself home to MN to be with me. He pushed his clock to the limit every single day to be there for me. He apologized for not being home sooner the minute he got through the door. THAT is how a partner behaves.
Throw out the whole man and find someone worth the emotional investment and worth having a child with. He is not a loving partner at all and you deserve so much better. ###### |
My aunt posted a fake news about Queen Elizabeth II giving praise about President Duterte on facebook. With fake news being prevalent on facebook, I called her out that it is fake news and haha-ed on the post because it is really funny. She then commented that it is because I have differing opinions about the president, that I am embarrasing her, and not respecting her political beliefs. I told her am respecting her political beliefs, I was just concern because it is fake news. She attacked me with a comment “Can you prove it? Did you talk to the queen herself? Are you even close with her?”. I just explained that fake news is prevalent especially nowadays there are alot of edited quotes with photos of celebrities, politicians, dead or alive, and even fictional characters from TV shows. She keeps on saying that I had embarrased her.
My cousin messaged me that I say sorry to my aunt. He also told me how sensitive our aunt was especially with these matters. I complied for the sake of familial ties and to keep peace in the family. I said sorry that if I had offended her and told her that be vigilant about fake news especially she is a local councilor in our community. She then blocked and unfriended me on facebook.
Am I the asshole for calling her out? I did not mean to embarrass or hurt her. I was just concern because that gullibility in fake news could be used against her especially the politics here in the Philippines is filthy, from National down to local community level. She is my fave aunt and she is the only aunt I have. I don’t want to have a fight just because of politics. ###### | NTA. I always add a link to a fact checking website when I comment. Fake News is a plague on society. ###### |
Myself (F, 25) and my husband (M, 29) have been discussing having children and I’ve recently gone off of birth control to start trying. I had a very traumatic childhood and do not want that for my children. I was raised mostly by my grandparents. My grandfather has since died but my grandmother is still alive. I reconnected with my mother over the last 10 years and we have a pretty good relationship at this time. My mother is currently living with my grandmother.
My whole side of the family is very religious. Jehovah’s witnesses. They have decided to shun me ever since I left their religion. My brother left before me and they shun him as well. My mother seems to think once we do have a child things will be different and they will want my child in their lives, especially my grandmother. I told her that I have no intention of letting my child have a relationship with any of the family members who are shunning me. She seemed surprised and I think it upset her that I said that.
I don’t want to teach my children that what my family is doing is okay. I don’t want to expose them to that religion and have them force fed information. I know if they have a relationship with my grandmother she will not respect any boundaries I put in place in regards to religion. I don’t know if my viewpoint is healthy or if I would be harming my children by not allowing them to have a relationship with my side of the family (other than my mother and brother). So WIBTA if I keep my future children away from their maternal side of the family because of how they treat me? ###### | NTA. I also escaped an oppressive religion. What you're establishing are healthy boundaries, which makes you the total opposite of an asshole. ###### |
My 3 year old daughter loves to spend time at my mom's house but my mom has never been the "good" parent, she has always tried hard to be the fun one no matter what. Over the last year or so she ha taught my daughter my daughter many bad habits that have been hard to break. Some notable ones are, she taught her to fight by putting up fists and asking her if she wants to fight. My daughter now will come up to you and say let's fight then punch you in the jaw. She has taught her pee outside because she's little enough to not make it a problem. But now to the point, the last straw. This morning I dropped her off there to play while mom and I worked. When I got there she instantly tried teaching her that "someone stop her she's dancing like a stripper" song. I sternly told her not to teach her that and left it at that. An hour later I got a Snapchat from her of my daughter singing it. I told her again it doesn't matter if you say she can only sing it there. She will sing it in public and I don't want that. I got no response. After work my wife calls me and tells me my mom called her and asked our daughter to sing her the song. Further proving she made her memorize this. Then my mom called my wife a bitch for telling her not to fucking teach her this stuff.
Her calling my wife a bitch was the last straw. I went to her house and told her exactly what I thought. I told her our daughter is not going there any more until she thinks about what she is teaching her. As I was leaving my mom told me if she sees my wife in public she's gonna beat her ass.
At that point I flipped. I screamed at her to act her age and stop being a shitty person.
Now I can't sleep thinking maybe I should have defended my mom even a little. AITA?
Also sorry for the long post. ###### | NTA. I absolutely cannot believe the amount of posts where grown adults are expressly told not to do something and they do it anyway. You did nothing wrong by defending your wife when your mother physically threatened her! She brought this upon herself, OP. You’re trying to raise your daughter the way you see fit, and it sounds like you’re doing a great job. ###### |
Throwaway since this is stupid petty.
My roommate and I are both vegetarians. She regularly shames people for what they eat, including meat and any carbs. I have bad anxiety/depression which often leads to no appetite (she knows this) and regularly all I can eat is cereal or pasta, which she always comments on so she’s been getting on my nerves a lot. I also don’t like her because I always catch her in dumb lies so I guess you can say we have a lot of beef. ...
Yesterday she had a stressful day due to an online exam so she went out and got a chicken sandwich from a popular fast food place. She sent me a picture from her car with the caption “cheat day” showing the half eaten sandwich. Sometimes I have cheat days myself so I don’t judge her for that at all.
Yesterday we were on a zoom call with some mutual friends and vegetarianism came up. My roommate kept joking around calling everyone murderers like she often does. One person said he’d thought about going veg but didn’t know if they could give up meat. My roommate assured him that it had been hard at first but if you stuck for it as long as she did you stopped craving it altogether.
I pointed out that she’d sent me a picture of a half eaten chicken sandwich the day before. No one really judged her or said anything but the guy she’d been talking to about it laughed and the conversation moved on shortly.
My roommate is mad because she says I really embarrassed her. I told her she needed to stop judging people for what they eat and asked why she felt the need to lie. She said her diet is not anyone else’s business but I think she made it their business by lying openly. She isn’t talking to me now.
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TLDR: I called out my veg roommate for lying about eating meat after she regularly shames other people for their dietary choices ###### | NTA. Hypocrite much? She shouldn't have cheat days if she wants to call everyone a murderer. ###### |
I (17m) have lived with my grandmother (81), grandfather (80), mother (56), and sister (15) for all of my life. For years my grandmother has always had an uncontrollable sweet tooth. She vomited uncontrollably after eating a half pound of white chocolate. She ate an entire pack of double stuffed oreos 2 weeks ago. And today she ate an entire apple pie when I begged her not to do so. I was livid. Out of anger I hid the second pie. AITA Reddit? ###### | NTA. However, if this uncontrollable hunger is a new thing she might need to see a doctor. As someone previously stated on this thread it could be she has nutrition deficiencies.
It could also be, hypothyroidism or a similar hormonal condition. Lastly it could be a mental health disorder. ###### |
My uncle is a doctor, and makes good money. My Dad told him I needed money for school and asked for 1,000 bucks. He even had me thank him for the money and told everyone how my uncle helped him pay for school.
Turns out it was all a sham, my Dad used that money for drugs. My Mom showed me solid evidence of that, and I am horrified. I knew my Dad was an addict, but it didn’t occur to me that he was ripping off my uncle.
So WIBTA if I told my uncle what happened? Knowing him he probably wouldn’t sweat the 1,000, but I feel really guilty holding onto the knowledge. It might stir up shit between my uncle and my Dad, but I think he deserves to know. ###### | NTA. However, I would recommend that in addition to telling your uncle about the fact that your dad lied, you also reach out to him to ask him for help. This obviously isn’t just about the $1000. Perhaps your uncle is in a better position to intervene and work to get your dad in a better place and deal with his addiction. It’s also important that you are able to stay safe. I wouldn’t want your dad to take this negatively and take it out on you for “humiliating” him. So you should talk to your uncle, but do it holistically and let him know that you also don’t want to get in trouble/make things worse. ###### |
I am a student and filed taxes for the first time this year. I pay all of my schooling (housing, tuition, and fees) myself with help from fed funding because my mom does not help me at all. I pay for all of my food, car expenses (gas, oil changes, registration), wifi, personal hygiene products, medications, health and dental insurance, etc. The only thing that my mom pays for me is my car insurance. Compared to all of my friends, I take on much more financial responsibility. According to the IRS, if your parent does not pay for more than half of your support for the year then they cannot file you as a dependent. My mom continuously starts arguments claiming that “I caused her to owe money to the government instead of getting money from the government,” because I claimed myself as an independent. Reddit, am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. However, if you can start paying for you car insurance. ###### |
This is very awkward and I’m not sure who to ask so I decided to post on here.
My boyfriend proposed last year around Christmas, and of course I immediately said yes and together we have been very excitedly planning our wedding. We were due for September this year but have obviously put everything on halt.
One of my friends, Abigail, is a singer. She has a very gospel-ly kinda voice but as awful as it sounds all I think when she sings is ‘this is warbly’ and I have to fight to keep a straight face. She’s not awful, but it’s really not my cup of tea.
Obviously I would never say that to her but I do encourage her passion because one day she wants to turn her hobby into a career. I always respond in the group chat with constructive feedback when she sends us voice clips asking for it and if it’s very bad I’ll just stay quiet and not say anything at all.
Now recently in January a little known music producer (I think) retweeted a video of her singing and she has taken this as her sign that she is about to break it big.
She asked why I hadn’t asked her to sing in our wedding, and I answered honestly that I want her there in a friend capacity, not there to work. She then said she insisted on ‘gifting’ us the song to our first dance.
I really, *really* don’t want her to do this so I told her I would need to square it with my fiancé as we are making all decisions together. Thankfully he was on board with me and I texted her ASAP to say that fiancé wasn’t keen on the idea because he *really* wants x band to play instead.
She became upset in our chat group and quite a few of my friends are texting me telling me I should give her the platform and that I’m being a bad friend and an asshole, and that I’m being selfish. ###### | NTA. How selfish of her to insist on such a thing. It’s not as much of a gift as a way to showcase herself in front of all *your* friends and family on what’s supposed to be one of the most special days of *your* life. It’s your wedding, it’s your choice on what goes down. Even if it’s a gift, it’s not a gift you want presented at your wedding and she should outright be respectful of that request. Very much NTA ###### |
Hello!
As many probably already know, there is a strike planned tomorrow in the US for Amazon, Target, and Walmart workers, amongst a few others I'm sure I'm forgetting.
Well this past month I've been volunteering about once a week to shop for and deliver groceries to families in need, all families with children who are not in school right now and are struggling to eat. The local organization that does it takes donations and only shops at Walmart.
The group message I'm a part of sent out a message tonight asking who could volunteer to shop and deliver tomorrow. I felt very conflicted about this, and pointed out that there is a workers strike tomorrow, asking if we could possibly use a different grocery store for tomorrow only. I was met with a little defensiveness about how Walmart had done so much for our community etc. I said that that was understandable, however workers need rights and hazard pay during the pandemic as much as families need groceries.
I went on to say I would be ok with volunteering my time to deliver groceries to the families tomorrow but I just wasn't comfortable stepping foot inside a Walmart during a strike. I feel like I may have upset a few people and they likely view me as overdramatic and/or having messed up priorities. Am I the asshole here? ###### | NTA. How much has walmart done for the community members working for them? Kinda sounds like the group you volunteer is putting blinders on. There wouldn’t be anything wrong with shopping at a store for a single day while workers fight to get a living wage. I’d be willing to bet some of those families you deliver to have members that work at those companies that have protests ###### |
Extended family is split on this. We’re the only family members with a pool (medium sized in ground). It was very hot in our region last week, and one of my cousins called to ask if she and her kids could come to swim. I said I was really sorry, but because my elderly mother-in-law lives with us, and my husband is at high risk for getting seriously sick (post kidney transplant), we had to limit our exposure, and no one outside of the household was going to be able to use the pool. Well, I got a couple of messages from family, like, “Are you serious? You’re not going to let a couple of little kids swim?” So, AITA? ###### | NTA. How is this something your family can be angry about? You have every reason to keep people as far away from your home as possible right now. ###### |
So I was in a chat group with a bunch of my high school friends and some other people. We were just talking about old times and things like that.
One of them brought up how his sister who is going to the same school as us probably won’t get to have a real graduation this year.
I said that sucked.
This one girl Talia spoke up and said
“Yeah, that does suck Matt. I can’t imagine what that feels like 😒.”
So people in the chat ask what she means. Talia starts telling them how on the last week of school she found out she had a fee to pay or she couldn’t walk for graduation. She was going to pay it, but lost the money before she could take it to the office.
Talia said how she found me still at school and asked if she could borrow $60 so she could pay the fee before the deadline and I told her no and then left.
To be honest I hardly remember this interaction. But I can imagine I said no because $60 would have been quite a lot of money to me back then. While Talia was part of the same circle of friends as me she and I weren’t actually friends, so there wasn’t any guarantee I’d get the money back.
Talia then said that in the end she didn’t get to walk for graduation with the rest of us because I wouldn’t lend her $60.
One of the other girls in the group said “wtf dude? You really couldn’t have just lent her 60 bucks?” The group chat got quiet for awhile until a friend of mine brings up something totally different and people go on talking about that.
A different friend texted me later and told me not to worry about it though. ###### | NTA. How is it she lost the money and it’s *your* fault? Does not compute.
Home girl was holding on to her grudge for 3 years to have her moment. 🤨 ###### |
So this happened a while back but a conversation with a teacher made me overthink it.
I coached gymnastics. My last name is my fathers, and I'm not in contact with him due to mental abuse. I don't like my last name. So let's same my name was Lexy Smith. I introduced myself to the kids as mrs. Lexy.
I did this in all my classes, also those where I was an assistant. One day after assisting a preteam class (ages 5 to 8), the main teacher and I were cleaning up and she told me she would prefer if I would go by mrs. Smith because the kids were now calling her by her first name too. I refused since hearing my last name reminds me of the past and while I'm coaching I want to have fun. I get these kids are little, but surely they can call us by the names we prefer? She said she was older so I should just do what she says.
This was just before summer break and this specific class didn't fit in my new school schedule but in my other classes I kept up mrs. Lexy and nobody ever had a problem with it again.
But AITA for using my first name when kids adress me? ###### | NTA. How do the kids know you're last name isn't Lexy?
Or how do the kids know the other teachers first name?
If teachers want to keep a professional environment (clearly like the other teacher does) surely they shouldn't tell the kids their first name to begin with? ###### |
I have a pretty old but reliable Lenovo laptop that is worth 300$,maybe less.(I got the laptop as a birthday gift from a family friend)
My father decided to build a new computer for the family to use,which he spent 1250$ on,a computer that is used 99% by my brother,because he plays Fortnite and Roblox and he doesnt want to play those games on his phone.
Today,my mother had some work to do on the PC and my brother was angry that he couldn't stream idk what game.(that he also had on his phone ).
He of course started whining and mom told me to get off my laptop to let him do what he wanted to.
I of course refused. He smashed my laptop's screen to its keyboard multiple times. My mother also did that when I was playing and she almost broke my fingers since they got cought betwwen the screen and the keyboard.
She called me an ungrateful brat and took away my laptop.
So,Reddit,am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. How could anyone blame you for not wanting your computer damaged or disrespected? Stand your ground, OP. ###### |
My fiancé proposed to me with an heirloom engagement ring that belonged to his great grandmother and has been passed down from generation to generation. It’s art deco style with a large, multiple carat diamond in the center and many smaller ones surrounding it and in the band. I love the ring’s history and the things it symbolizes, but I personally find it gaudy and impractical to wear because of its size.
I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of wearing something so expensive and important every day, aside from the fact that I don’t really like how it looks. But at the same time I felt like it’s kind of wrong not to wear an engagement ring when I’m engaged, like how it feels kind of wrong when a married guy doesn’t wear his wedding ring on a regular basis. So I asked my fiancé if he could get me another ring, a simpler one. I told him that he doesn’t need to follow the three months salary ‘rule’ or anything like that. All I would like is a ring with a small solitaire stone that I can wear everyday as a symbol of our engagement.
My fiancé seemed disappointed at my request and said that I should try to wear the ring for a few weeks first because it might grow on me. When I told him that I’m worried about the risk that I would lose it someway, he said that if I take care of it, I won’t lose it. I don’t agree with the things he said and I think it’s not fair that I’m expected to just endure my discomfort about my own engagement ring for the sake of pleasing people who are not the ones who have to wear the ring. At this point I kind of just want to buy myself an ‘everyday’ ring that I can wear as a symbol of my engagement.
AITA? ###### | NTA. How are they going to respond if you did lose the ring? How would the family respond? This just seems like avoiding the shit sandwich before it's even served up. ###### |
My 35F wife 37F has a cavity she’s needed fixed since January, but didn’t want to do it as she is afraid of dentists. Me too, so I totally get it. Since then, though, it’s gotten a lot worse.
Now she won’t go because she’s afraid of the coronavirus. Normally I would shrug off not wanting to go right now as overkill but if that’s what she wants, that’s fine. Crowns are expensive but that’s her choice and I’d rather pay for the crown than make her unhappy.
The problem is, it’s gotten so bad that I can’t sleep next to her. Riding in the car is difficult. Our daughter noticed too. When I bring up the fact that her breath is bad, she gets enraged. I’ve brought it up twice in the last two months, but now I don’t want to anymore. She just starts insulting me and making me feel like an asshole for saying anything.
Three times I’ve asked “can you please make a dentist appointment?” In exactly those words, and each time she becomes furious. I’ve been to the dentist myself. Waiting another 8 or 9 months for her to go though is going to be very hard on me.
Also I’m sure at some point this will effect her job. Nobody wants to work around someone whose breath smells like rotting teeth.
I sympathize with her not wanting to go to the dentist, but but I don’t feel like she needs to me mean to me about it. AITA for asking my wife to fix her tooth and her very bad breath? ###### | NTA. How about you go along with your wife to the dentist as moral support? And in the time maybe invest in a good mouth wash. ###### |
My brother in law (wife’s sister’s husband)is a rehabilitated meth abuser. It seems like my sister in law will be moving back in with him and my MIL would like us to start planning the upcoming post-pandemic holidays.
I’m considering putting down a firm, “Absolutely not.” My daughter is 1 and I just don’t trust him.
He was caught with meth in his golf bag a year ago and begrudgingly went to rehab. He has been clean for about six months. Before this he was just a general jerk. He was exhausting to be around. He would make a scene about anything to get attention. IE: How his drink was prepared, how much crab was in his crab cake, etc. His racism became such a norm that I felt myself becoming desensitized. IE: “I’ve never met a met a Maria who wasn’t a maid”. His range of obnoxious and immature behavior had a wide scope and could go on for paragraphs.
We never bonded before drugs came into the picture. He would take cheap shots and come up with odd blatant lies when my wife and I would make any effort to bond with him over the last 12 years. For example, I told him about some things from infantry training and he interrupted me to go on about a time he went skiing from a helicopter. That story he interrupted me to tell had never happened. He has this odd habit of being shitty and/or lying in public but then apologizing/confessing in private when he gets you alone.
In short, I didn’t want this immature jerk around my daughter before I found out he was a drug abuser. Now I’m drawing a strict rule but it will have an adverse effect on my In laws who understandably want the entire family together.
AITA and being too harsh or do I have a leg to stand on? I would also appreciate hearing from rehabilitated people who were on the receiving end of being cut out by family members. ###### | NTA. Hopefully your holiday plans are at your parents house this year and not your in-laws. I’d recommend seeing them a few times outside of the holidays to get an idea where he’s at as a person now and if you’re still seeing the flags, just save yourself the headache. I do recommend not disclosing why you’re choosing not going this year because honestly that drama ain’t worth it. Keep your cards close to your chest. ###### |
When I was 21, I was with a computer technician (23), he fixed people’s laptops for a big chain tech store. We had ongoing issues with the kind of things he thought were appropriate, that made me uncomfortable- ie. going through WOMENS photos and files looking for dirty pics.
One day 2 teenage girls entered the store with a macbook for repair.
The sisters were 15 and 17 years old.
Apparently, the 17 year old was hot. So my ex and an employee in his 40’s, used the girls laptop repair information to find her social media profiles and then sent the link around to employees who weren’t working that day, and friends who didn’t work there.
My sister was the one who contacted the store, as she was older than me (27) and was disgusted and angry at the predatory behaviour going on in store. He got sacked and told everyone I got him fired cos I was a psycho.. I lost a lot of friends. ###### | NTA. Honestly, I would block him from absolutely every part of my life if I were you. It is predatory behavior, invasion of privacy, and absolutely violating these women by going through personal items without consent. He needs more than just getting sacked. And you deserve better. ###### |
My Chihuahua had 7 puppies recently. They are adorable and when they are old enough I will be finding them homes. My mom really wants one shes even offered to pay. But I do not want my mom having one of my puppies.
My mom is a hoarder, we cant visit her house because of all the clothes piled to the ceiling in every room multiple piles. Shes also an animal hoarder. A few years ago she got in legal trouble for having 56 dogs in city limits. Legally shes not allowed to have animals after that but she currently has 10 dogs, 2 cats and 2 fish.
I fear for the puppy if i allow her to take one. It will not get care amd will probably have to fight for food. My mom keeps guilt tripping me saying Im a horrible person, I would rather see the puppies go to abusive homes then hers. She's even offered $80 for just one. But I don't want her having one because my fear is it will be abused at her house. I will make sure all puppies find a loving home before giving them up.
So reddit Am I the Asshole for trying to protect my puppies from her? ###### | NTA. Honestly I’d report her for the animals she currently illegally has as well but that’s just me. I definitely would not give her a puppy. If you want to avoid arguments just say you’re selling for more than $80 and you don’t think she can afford the actual price. Or maybe say all puppies are accounted for and have good homes already?
I have a chi/jack Russell mix and a lot of people in my family have chis and they’re a very needy breed from what I’ve seen. I can’t imagine a chi doing well in what is basically a large a pack of dogs fighting for food and not getting enough attention. ###### |
In my group of friends there's one guy who is your stereotypical nice guy, even comes with his own fedora. He's asked at every girl in our group then goes with "it's just a friend date" when they inevitably said no. I mostly ignore it all, but he ended up asking my GF out, when she said no he said he just wanted to hang out as friend and when she invited me he suddenly wasn't interested.
We've all been hanging out in a video chat lately and his cringeniess is becoming more and more apparent. I try to ignore it all but it just makes things awkward for everyone as he competes far too much with other guys when they're just talking to the girls. At one point we were all drinking and playing a game and my GF was being terrible at it so I was poking fun at her and ribbing her. He chimes in with "I think you should apologise to her, that was uncalled for" so she said "Dude, I don't need you to whiteknight me" which made him go quiet and then leave the chat.
He's been hitting on one new girl and it's made her uncomfortable, or so says my GF, and he's just not getting the message. We were all drinking tonight and he was jsut being super awkward so I just blurted out "She's not gonna fuck you bro, move on". he got quiet, left and then left all the chats.
Some people are saying I should apologise and that I was bullying him. ###### | NTA. Honestly I wish more guys would call their less savvy brethren out like that. ###### |
I moved into an apartment on the ground floor of a house which is split up into three apartments. The house next door is owned by a couple with several kids.
The woman who lives there has a temper... A few times, when I've been hanging out with friends in the back yard, she's yelled at us over stuff. Playing music with cusses where her kids can hear, being too "slutty" with each other, which was awkward... Etc.
As far as I can tell she never does this in front of her husband or kids. Her husband isn't home often, it seems.
Then, a while later, I was out getting my mail when four people walked by, the neighbor lady, her husband, and two older people who I think were either her parents or her husband's parents.
The husband asked me if I knew there was water leaking from the hose in the front yard of my house. He seemed friendly and like he was trying to be helpful.
I said I hadn't known, maybe the maintenance guy left it on.
But then I got a really weird feeling about how the woman that has said so much nasty stuff was standing with her family acting really chill in front of them.
I said "Hey, excuse me, aren't you the lady who's called my friends and I sluts, (homophobic slur), and (c-words) ? I was hoping to talk to you at a calmer moment.
She said no right away.
I then, knowing full well that she was that lady, said "Oh sorry, perhaps I'm confused. There's a lady who lives in that house, mid 40s, heavyset with chin length brown hair, smokes out back every night, who's said all those things and more, and I really don't appreciate it. Do you have a sister? A roommate?"
She cut me off and said maybe it's better I leave, and so I did. I heard fighting from that house that night and I think it was because of what I said, her husband and the older couple seemed shocked by some of it.
AITA for calling my neighbor out on front of her family? ###### | NTA. Honestly I think it's good that you put her in her place. If she wasn't being respectful or receptive, then that's on her. Doing it in front of her family is probably the only way she would've listened ###### |
Recently my great-grandma(98f) who we will refer to as Oma moved in with myself (34f) and my SO(37m). We are child-free so it made the most sense for Oma to live with us instead of anyone else in my family as I work from home and can take care of her. For the most part, Oma's mental facilities are intact however on her bad days she speaks entirely in German. To keep her from panicking and feeling comfortable I will carry on conversations with her in German.
To me, it's not a big deal if it keeps her calm and happy, I also don't feel it's harmful in any way. But my SO thinks it is rude that I carry on conversations with her in German as opposed to insisting on English. His main gripe is he can't understand what we are saying so therefore it is rude and I am excluding him from the conversation. I would be inclined to agree if she wasn't 98 almost 99 years old. And besides, we aren't even talking about him, which I've told him on occasion translating for him.
I understand that he feels excluded to an extent but at her age with her memory slipping and her having some confusion I feel he should be more accommodating. I've even pointed out if he takes the time to listen that English and German share similar roots that he will get the gist of the conversation. He, however, doesn't want to and insists that we should only speak English around him.
It came to a head last night she came into the kitchen asking a question in German, and he started yelling "English, speak English I know you speak it perfectly fine." I told him he was being an AH and to leave her alone. He hasn't spoken to me all morning so I'm starting to wonder if I was being the AH here for taking my Oma's "side" and conversing in German with her? ###### | NTA. Holy shit. She is 98 and has memory issues. He is 1000% the asshole. If he is insisting on English when she is having an episode and doesn’t remember English well, then he is intentionally excluding her from conversation whereas she has no control over it ###### |
I'm furloughed today and my mom is visiting, so I kept our 11 month old home from daycare. My husband is unemployed, but studying for a test. He said not to expect help with the kid since he is studying. I said ok and was watching the baby while waiting for his grandmother to come over. My mom asked me to look at some old videos of me, so I had them playing. The kid was being loud. Suddenly, my husband comes out of the office and asks "how would you feel if the daycare workers watched videos while they're supposed to be caring for our son?"
I got angry and defensive. I told him if he was removing himself from watching the kid, he can't complain how I'm doing it. Plus, it's insulting to suggest I'm not caring for my son "good enough". Kids make noise and I'm not going to punish him for being a kid. I also pointed out it's insulting to daycare workers to suggest anyone can do their job.
So am I being a bad mother and getting mad at him for pointing it out or are his expectations out of line? ###### | NTA. Holy shit I'd be pissed too. Is that out of character for him? ###### |
A long story pretty short, my dad gave my mother a necklace with a pink diamond in it when they got married, which he got from a housewife he worked as a butler for years before that. She gave the necklace to me when I got married but the clasp was broken so I couldn't wear it.
I was planning to give it to my daughter but after having four boys my husband and I have let that go and I thought it would be nice to give it to my niece for her next birthday. I asked her to make sure she even wanted it since she's not much of a jewelry person but she was surprisingly excited for it and we sent it in to get fixed.
There was an unnecessary fight between my niece and my sister about her current boyfriend which resulted in her cutting my sister off. Since I was behind my sister (but definitely not involved) I was also unfortunately cut off and somehow got most of the name calling.
Now I'd completely forgotten about the necklace until this morning when the jeweler called and said my niece was there to collect the necklace and wanted to make sure it was okay. I thought about it and decided to rather hold off giving it to her since she cut us off and I'd never actually worn it before. I told him I didn't send her and that I'll collect it tomorrow. Am I an asshole for doing this? ###### | Nta. Hold on to it. You might have granddaughters ###### |
My GF (30f) and I (29m) have been together for 8 years. She recently made some new friends online. She is now asking if one of her new friends (18m) can move in with us.
For a little background, without going too deep, my girlfriend is on disability and cant really leave our home on her own. I, by and large, am the breadwinner of the household. However, we consider both incomes shared money. I make a decent living, but not great and money still gets tight.
We currently live in a one bedroom apartment and would need to move to a two bedroom in the same building to accommodate her friend. Her friend lives with his parents in another state and is the subject of abuse.
She says she knows this friend really well, albeit through online and phone interactions, but I don’t at all.
AMITA, that after considering the whole situation I still can’t get get behind him coming to stay with us?
Edit: To clarify a few things that have been mentioned, she met the guy via online games. The abuse is physical and verbal, she has heard it over the phone. According to the friend it is pretty extreme abuse, full punches etc... ###### | NTA. Hol up. Internet stranger man wants to move in with you and your girlfriend who might not be able to get away from him if she needed to? There are lots of ways to help people that don’t include letting them live with you. ###### |
Okay so a bit of background. Im 19F and my mom is 45. She has 3 children including myself who all have some sort of disability or mental illness. Me and my sister have severe anxiety and depression and my other sister has severe ADHD and type 1 diabetes. My mom nearly died bringing my baby sister into the world as well as my other sister. My mom and dad's marriage is extremely toxic and they really need a divorce and have needed one since I was old enough to realize what was going on. My dad has always had sexist notions to the NEED for a son. We don't matter because we don't have a penis which has made us resent him among other shitty things he has done.
On to the story that brought all this shit up. I was in my parent's bathroom cause the one used by us "Kids" was just moped. I heard a rustling under the sink and thought "Oh god please do not be rats" and went to check. I was met with a face full of pregnancy tests. My sisters and I have expressed to our parents on multiple occasions that they SHOULD NOT have another baby. Its dangerous to my mom, shes lost babies in the past, and we all have some form of issue either from a genetic cause or from my asshole father. I do not want my mother to die nor do I want another kid going through the same damn shit we go through every day. They can't even give enough attention to the kids they have now much less another baby. I feel so betrayed because we told them over and over that this wasn't a good idea as well as their own damn doctor said it was dangerous. But by the evidence mom is still trying to get pregnant. I feel like I am never enough for them. That my sisters are never enough. It feels so awful then paired with her risks and their toxic relationship, Im so lost and hurt and scared. I haven't told my mom what I found or what I think but I did talk to a few friends discreetly and they say Im being selfish. AITA? ###### | NTA. History of significant hereditary illnesses, toxic family atmosphere, the current global health and environmental situation and her age (after 40 chances of congenital defects and complications rise significantly) are the perfect storm of why NOT to have children. She sounds selfish and not very responsible or smart. Unfortunately besides talking to her there’s not much you can do to stop her. Your friends are wrong to say you are selfish, it’s your mom who’s being selfish attempting to bring a new life into a screwed up world and home life. I’m sorry this is so hard on you. If you’re in school there should be counselors provided by the school, and most will teleconference. See if you can talk to one to help you manage your feelings around this. ###### |
I am a full time security guard and a full time college student. I work for a private company, that has a strict no trespassing rule. We have a basketball court on the property and during rounds tonight I found two men (Caucasian males earlier 40’s) and two young boys (maybe around 10yrs old) playing basketball. I told them it was private property and asked them to leave(I’m in the security vehicle at this point). One man seems bummed but is like ok. Then this other man starts screaming at me (5ft female) saying he was a long time resident of the town. I said be that as it may this is private property and you need to leave. Still screaming he says your not gonna let me and my kids play basketball? I said no there’s a strict no trespassing rule. The guy aggressively walks towards my security vehicle and screams “you must really like your job huh”. I laughed and told him “it pays my bills”. He got angrier, and I told him if he didn’t leave now I was going to call the local police dept and have him trespassed. He screams “I heard you the first time you fucking loser”. I followed them off the property to make sure they had left.
Some side information, the strict trespassing rule is because if someone that is not an employee is injured there is concern they could sue the company. If something like that we’re to happen and it was discovered I knew people were there that did not belong there, I would be fired.
So AITA? ###### | NTA. His utter lack of respect for and understanding of the concept that things can belong to people other than him has nothing to do with you.
Great example he set for his kids too ###### |
I've always used birth control as a form of menstruation regulation. Without the pill I can be randomly heavy and have terrible cramps and back pain etc.
Well my husband wants kids (I'd be fine either way) and so I've gone off the pill.
Recently I had an unexpectedly heavy flow overnight and woke up to a mess on the sheets. I was in pain and feeling horrible in general so it took me about an hour to have the energy to get up and do the laundry. My husband called me disgusting for waiting an hour (he was not in bed, just saw the sheets on the floor). I'm extremely insulted and frankly it's at his request I've gone off the pill.
He's refusing to apologize and saying I'm just angry because I'm on my period, which just makes me more angry.
AITA? ###### | NTA. His response to you feeling sick and having a horrible period is to call you disgusting for not hopping up and cleaning right away? Does he have the slightest clue what happens after you have a baby? Because that whole thing is a literal shitshow.
Girl, go back on the pill. This man is not ready for the messy side of life. ###### |
My nephew is staying with me for the summer. My brother is a single parent and I have the summer off work so to help my nephew is staying with me just for the convince and so the 13 year old isn't alone all summer.
My nephew has his own cell phone and I thought the Dad still had it locked at night. So my surprise I caught my nephew on his phone at 1 a.m. Told him smarten up and go to bed. Texted his dad just to figure out what is going on. His dad told me to take the phone away and look threw it. I am not a parent so I was a bit uncomfortable.
Well I found out my nephew was on discord talking to significantly older people. There were several inappropriate interactions. The person he kept messaging tried to voice chat 5 times the frist night I had the phone.
Now my nephew is now pissed cause he banned from discord and his phone. Saying I had no right to go threw it.
AITA for going threw his phone and enacting the ban. ###### | NTA. His dad gave you permission and you’re the guardian this summer. You do what you think is right, you’re doing a good job so far. ###### |
Hey guys! I F(21) have a very strained relationship with my father. Last year I walked in on him having an affair in our home. Prior to that he had been unfaithful to my mom on some other occasions (3 times total). After the incident during my freshman year of high school I made it clear to him if he did it again, he’d be dead to me. He did it again, and I made the decision to cut him out of my life. My mom had different plans though, she let him move back in after barely a month and started to bug me to talk to my dad again. This included inviting him on vacations, over for holidays, when I came back from university. In summary I stopped coming back home altogether. However because of covid I had to move back home, because the dorms shut down. My dad’s living at home too, and I’ve been struggling with it. My mom thinks because she forgave him, and the infidelity was in their relationship, I should move on. So she asks me to do things involving my dad, like text him, or call him, or help her buy him things, but I refuse because I am still uncomfortable with the situation. She tells me I’m using my discomfort as an excuse to be lazy, and that I’m ungrateful. Her forcing our relationship put a huge strain on her and my relationship and I’m having a lot of trouble staying home. I even got a full time job, just so I have an excuse to be out of the house for 40-50 hours a week. Am I being the asshole for not forgiving my dad about the affair, even though my mom did? ###### | NTA. His cheating affected more than just your mother and you have your right to your feelings. I’m sorry that you are in this situation ###### |
My husband recently lost his job, I’ve picked up more hours and am exhausted.
I’m meant to work from 6;30am - 4;40pm, I get up at 5;10am and the hour I’m back home depends on how long it took me to travel that day and how far away from home I am, for the past week I’ve been home at a reasonable time.
When I get home I cook dinner, do the washing up, wash and iron clothes, put the clothes away and after all that all I want to do is sleep.
I’ve asked my husband time after time to put the children’s toys away, not let them take certain toys outside, not letting them bring all their blankets downstairs.
I once asked him to clean the house and I came home to find all the dirt he swept up in the corner of the room.
So I think what I ask of him is pretty easy? I came home and slipped on a toy car, one of the electric ones that I told him should stay in their room since it scares the kitten.
As an apology he cooked dinner and he’s pretty great at that but my back is messed up, my husband tends to kick in his sleep too.
I told him to sleep on the sofa or sleep on the floor, I don’t really care.
Now he’s moody and thinks I’m the AH because he got busy and I should be more understanding, especially since
I was home early (one of our clients cancelled) our children are 3 and 4 so I get he’s busy especially since our eldest has behavioural problems but It’s one simple thing surely?
AITA? ###### | NTA. Him kicking in his sleep will mess up your back even more, you need to rest x ###### |
To preface this I 100% recognize how blessed I am to have the opportunities that my parents provide me and am in no way diminishing what they have given me so let’s please avoid the privelege comments and such
My parents typically take us on a big vacation(big as in long and far away, about 2-3 weeks and across the ocean) this upcoming year-summer of 2021- i am graduating from high school so my parents told me I could “plan” the trip in the sense that I can pick the destinations and activities that we do. My sister graduated from grade 8 this year and got a gift or two from my parents (gifts far above what grade eight graduation gifts would typically be imo) My sister and I typically have very different ideas of what a fun vacation is; she’s more of a relax on the beach at a resort type and I prefer outdoor adventure in a more temperate environment with activités like hiking. When my parents and I were talking about destinations for the trip my sister came in and started complaining about the destinations and asked why I could pick where we were going. Once my mom explained it to her she complained about how she just graduated from grade eight and didn’t get to do anything like that. The complaining frustrated me in part because it’s just annoying and also because she got a great gift for graduating grade eight (something in my country every kid does since it is literally impossible to fail) so I told her that graduating from grade eight means a lot less and is less important then graduating high school. I regret saying it and am not sure if it was too harsh but my parents Definetely think so and are telling me I have to apologize, which I plan on doing. AITA ###### | NTA. High school graduation is so much more important. It signals you moving on to the next chapter in your life. 8th grade graduation is literally very little change in her life. Wow she will go to a different school with more people now. Big deal. You are moving away (possibly) to college, this is a huge step in your life. I wouldn’t apologize. Your sister really needs to grow up. ###### |
I'm 21 F and have been friends with a guy 19 M for a few months. We've been talking for a while and I've opened up to him about a lot of things. We've talked about dating too. He'd never had a gf and he talked about how he struggles with it and I talk about how I struggle with finding someone decent (I had a bf when I was 15 who was emotionally abusive).
So I've been trying to make friends online as well but there are a lot of guys who will send creepy messages even if I've never talked to them or only specified that I'm looking for platonic relationship. I sometimes laugh it off but people can be cruel online.
I sent some of the screenshots to two of my friends (him included) and he says
"most guys just want you for sex, don't they?'
I tell him it's what a lot of women online experience and he says "no it's just you"
I asked him what he meant (as I've never had sex and he knows that) but he had a very condescending sort of attitude towards me. So I told him that.
I've sort of let it go as he never admits when he's wrong but it's getting to me. Would I be an asshole if I ask him to apologise for it? ###### | NTA. Hes a victim blaming g, misogynistic creep. If that's how he feels you may want to avoid being friends with him. ###### |
So we had a cat appear around our house eating the food we put out for the jack rabbits and magpies. I noticed her and put a little extra out and over the course of four or five days, I realized that she was eating all the food as fast as possible. After a week, she let me get near and feed her all she could eat which was a truly shocking amount of food. I suspected she was young and pregnant. Got her into the house that night. Took photos and posted Found Cat ads.
Took her to the Vet next morning to check for a microchip. Cat has no ID, and no one has reported a lost cat matching her description. Vet checked her over and cat was very young, pregnant and starving. The outcome for her the kittens was grim. The Vet didn't expect her to survive the birthing process, and kittens had been starved since she became pregnant, if they survived labour they would most likely starve because the cat was too thin to produce milk.
I was offered a variety of solutions to deal with the cat including trying to find an open shelter to take her; abandoning her; hope her owners appear before labour; et cetra. I chose the final option, claim her as mine and have the termination spay done. The Sassy Princess was last spotted doing the algebraic calculation of how to spread out her tiny body to take over the largest amount of space on a queen size bed possible.
I have had several friends outraged that I took a potential owner's right to choose whether their cat has the right to have kittens away. Someone else accused me of not caring about the kittens and not wanting them and being a kitten killer. I have argued that if the owners did show up, I would return the cat if the paid the hefty vet bill. As for being a kitten killer - yep I chose one life over that of her babies because it was the life I knew I could possibly save. AITA ###### | Nta. Here's a dirty little secret animal shelters that have spay neuter release programs do this all the time. The last thing an area that has strays is more kittens being born. Also if the mother is that malnourished the kittens could have an array of genetic abnormalities that would be very expensive to house and treat. Also if a shelter had this cat come in, there is a stray hold time that varies from place to place but usually in a week or less. After that amount of time the animal is considered their animal and they would do the exact same thing that you did. ###### |
To preface this I'm 23 (m) and she's 20 (f), I quit smoking cigarettes for her when we started dating 2 years ago. That was a deal breaker for her and I respected that and chose her over my vice. Fast forward 2 years and now she's coming into her own and finding herself and wants to "go wild instead of being responsible" (her words). She started vaping with nicotine and sneaking alcohol into her parents house and wants to experience all types of drugs and not have restraints or feel obligated to not do stuff because of someone, which is likely me and her parents. We live in Tennessee which has harsh drug laws and I'm staunchly against drug use, which I've made clear.
I told her that her starting vaping upset me because of the stink she made about me smoking and telling me to quit, which I did. I told her about my experiences being addicted to nicotine and how I don't want to see her go through that. She says by all means start smoking again because it wouldn't be fair. However I think she helped me by taking that stand and it really pains me to see her start an addiction (which she admits shes addicted) especially to something that is supposed to help smokers quit. She said sorry, but blew me off. I didn't tell her to quit I just told her how I felt. I've also told her that doing drugs is a deal breaker for me to which she didn't really respond. I've just pretty much told her to do what she wants at this point and whatever happens, happens. I don't want to be the controlling guy or tell her what to do. But deep down I want her to choose me. Am I the asshole in this situation. ###### | NTA. Her vaping after you quit smoking after she asked you to is hypocritical and seems like a red flag. ###### |
When I moved in 2011, I changed my phone number. I never got a call from anyone asking for someone else, until about 2016. Every so often, I would get a call for this chick. If it was just a scammer, I wouldn't have worried about it, but I started getting calls about her doctors appointments, like OBGYN. I always said I don't know her, but it was still annoying. The problem was that I didn't know who this chick is. The first name is common, but the last name isn't. I couldn't even look her up on any social media because I didn't know how to spell it.
Anyway, I went to Petsmart today. They asked me for my phone number for the rewards. Then the screen popped up on the pin pad, and the cashier asked if that's correct. Note: I always a Petsmart rewards thing forever, and when they changed the program few years ago, I gave them my info again. So they should have MY name and email, right? But nope, it's that chick. She changed the info to hers. I didn't get her email, but I figured out how to spell her last name.
I looked her up on social media and found her. Some people said it might not be a good idea to reach out. Would I be an asshole to tell her to stop using my phone number for everything, especially for medical purposes? ###### | NTA. Her number might be 1234 and yours is 1243? Give her a chance to prove she not an ah. ###### |
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about two years. As a fat kid in high school, I really wanted to change how I felt about myself, and I transformed myself during my stay in college, to the extent that I was fairly ripped all the time and had abs.
This was when I met my girlfriend. She has never been to the gym in her life and hates excising. I have never forced her to do anything, or even hinted at her to change herself. She has gained 20 pounds since we were together, and I genuinely think her body is perfect all the time.
I worked 20 hour shifts in the hospital for a couple of months, and had to live there for 2 weeks. Obviously, with the gyms closed and me feeling too exhausted, I put on a few pounds and lost my abs. I was completely fine with this. But the moment I got the chance to spend a few days home after being quarantined at the hospital, my girlfriend's first reaction was disappointment for not being ripped. I was honestly tired and just went to sleep, but she kept pinching my 'fat' areas like my love handles and asked me when I would get rid of them.
At this point, I honestly just wanted a few days off and was very annoyed at her persistence. She got angry at me and told me that sex was off the table until I had abs again, and I lost control of myself at this point.
Basically told her how she knew absolutely nothing about exercising and was being a tyrannical asshole, how she should just start exercising if she thinks it's that easy, how her body doesn't require any hours at the gym to maintain while I just want to enjoy some good food after my shitty experience at the hospital cafeteria. I asked her to do a single push up in front of me, and she failed, so I told her how big of an idiot she was being for expecting me to be in the mindset of exercising all the time.
EDIT: Just want to give the full context, so I have let my ugly side out too, thanks for any judgement ###### | NTA. Her loves sounds super conditional to me. "I'll only sleep with you if you look a certain way" is basically what she said. You said she's put on weight but you think she's still perfect and I personally would want a partner that feels the same way about me.
You shouldn't feel bad about snapping at her and I'm sorry she body shamed you and used sex as a weapon against you. That's abuse my dude, I would seriously consider reconsidering your relationship and what you want. Hope things calm down for you soon. ###### |
My 5 year old had been going to my mother in laws house pretty regularly for overnights, 2 or 3 times a month, per her request. In all my years of parenting, I have made it loudly, unmistakably clear that I do not use physical discipline on my children, and she is not to either. Ok, she doesnt agree but will respect it.
Fast forward to about 8 months ago (this is my MIL story and my daughter essentially concurred), my then 4 year old was in the bath and my MIL was helping her, and my child got shampoo in her eyes and started to cry and panic, so she splashed water on my daughters face to "help" and she lost it. She screamed and wailed because she couldnt see and had water up her nose now, and my MIL couldnt figure out the issue and there was another sleeping baby in the house, so she smacked my childs bare wet ass to "calm her down and stop the noise" (huh?) Instead of grabbing her a towel to dry off her face or offering comfort.
My daughter still doesnt understand why it happened and brings it up occasionally. Its created a huge rift in the family dynamic and relationship, but my MIL still doesnt feel like she did anything wrong. I'm very bitter about it still and have been a little controlling over visits since then.
So reddit, am I the overreacting asshole? ###### | NTA. Her logic is weird?! ###### |
So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now and we’ve been having sex for a few months. Most subjects we agree on pretty much completely and if not it’s not a big deal, everyone’s different. One of the topics that have come up is abortion and she says she is pro choice which I am too. My lizard brain didn’t think this through and assumed if we had a slip up we would go that route because that’s how it was in my past relationships.
Today on a car ride she mentioned she’s pro choice but personally wouldn’t be able to have an abortion which is fine, that’s her choice. I told her that it’s my fault that I didn’t bring up the subject and that it was wrong of me to assume, but right now I’m in college and still have 3 more years left. I think I might want kids someday but I couldn’t have them now. I told her I don’t feel comfortable having sex anymore for awhile at least because I don’t want an accident to happen even though we are generally pretty safe.
Because if something did happen right now I’m not sure if I could stick around. And wouldn’t want to put anyone, especially her in that situation.
Right now she’s upset that I’ve had sex with her before but won’t right now and saying that I’m being unreasonable.
AITA for not wanting to have sex? ###### | NTA. Her interest in an abortion was different than what you thought, meaning she would keep it. Sex is consensual, and if one party wants to abstain because the other does not want to get an abortion, they are not an asshole. If she gets mad at you for not having sex with her, tell her that what she said just made you uncomfortable with being in a sexual relationship with her and that you choose to abstain as of now. ###### |
**Not recent but we are still arguing over this**
My sister was adopted when she was 9, I was 17 at the time so we aren't exactly besties which makes this more tense.
She's always struggled to move on with life, she's had countless therapists and has only just started to move on with her life.
When my sister was 19 she started to drink, since I wasn't living locally I only knew she had a problem about 4 years into it.
She's (28F) since cleared up her act, her partner even proposed and they're talking about having children when she's sober for long enough (she's been sober for 10months now and she wants to wait till she's been sober for 2-3 years)
8months ago we were having dinner with my parents and I got myself and my husband a drink.
The entire family went silent, like I'd done something profoundly evil.
And when my sister left my mother pulled me aside to tell me how wrong it was to drink in front of my sister who's struggling and my sisters partner hasn't had a nice word to say to me since (we avoid each other)
Well, we were on skype with the family recently and I mentioned the biggest struggle was how every food I used to enjoy makes me nauseous now.
My sisters partner said "oh, I'll make sure to eat that around you then like you did with *sisters name*" in a snarky tone, my sister butted in to say he was joking.
I exited the chat and told my sister I expected an apology from him.
She replied "*where's my apology when you saw me struggling and continued to drink?*"
I don't think I did **anything** wrong! They frequently go out to meals and she wouldve seen someone drinking then, I can't shield her from every little thing.
AITA? I'll apologise if I am. ###### | NTA. Her fiancé is though. ###### |
My roommate approached me today and said that her friend (who i've never met or heard of) had to move out of the dorms in a week and since he lived in Germany he could not go home for the summer.
Essentially she had told him he could stay at our apartment (2 bed 1 bath) for a month and was wondering if it was okay with me. I told her it made me uncomfortable to live and share a bathroom with a stranger and that I wasn't okay with him living at our apartment.
I feel bad since he does not have any other options and my roommate was trying to sort something out for him but I have social anxiety and would not be able to easily do daily necessities with him there and it would be a violation of our lease agreement. She is moving out in June while I'm renewing the lease so I am at risk if we get caught and she doesn't know about my social anxiety.
Am I the asshole for not letting him stay? ###### | NTA. Her fault for telling someone they could stay over while not consulting you about it. Tell her to tell German guy that it's not gonna happen ###### |
First off I'll explain our family. When I met my husband he had a 3 year old daughter from a previous relationship. Her name is Alexandra. I married Alex's dad when she was five. So technically I'm her step mom. Alex's mom is also remarried. She calls both me and her bio mom "mom" and both my husband and her step dad "dad". All four of us think of her as a daughter and she lives with her mom and stepdad 50% of the time and me and my husband the other 50% of the time. Basically she has two sets of parents. Sorry if i worded it confusing.
I don't really have any problems with Alex's mom even though she is a bit on the conservative side. Meaning she thinks tampons take your virginity. She has told Alex that she doesn't want her using them. The problem is that Alex is 14 now and wants to by on the swim team when the schools reopen. Me and my husband also have a pool in the backyard and swim a lot in the summers. She says that she doesn't like being the only one who can't swim when she's on her period.
One day Alex was staying at our house and she told me how worried she was about having to deal with her period when she starts the swim team. She also disclosed to me that it's not fair that all of her other friends get to use tampons.
Later that night I bought her a box. I told her that they would stay at our house in the bathroom and she could use them whenever she needs them for swimming. And said that her mom didn't have to know. I feel back and have never gone behind her bio mom's back like that before. However, I grew up with a conservative mom like that. I understand that it can lead to things that cause embarrassment (for instance swimming in a pad). I didn't want Alex to have to go through something like that like I did.
I feel like I did right by my daughter but still feel a bit of guilt. Aita? ###### | NTA. Her bio moms outdated views about virginity are affecting her negatively and they don’t even make any sense. You did what objectively was best for her and should feel bad about it. However you should get your husband on the same page so if bio mom does find out you weren’t making a unilateral decision. ###### |
AITA For Yelling at a Trans Coworker?
I (22F) have been working at a clinic with Samantha (25F) for the past few months. Recently, Samantha came out to me as a Trans woman (male to female for anyone unaware), and has been super close to me ever since. I don’t have any problems being friends with her, and can understand some of her struggles, but her being Trans isn’t what bothers me. What bothers me is that, ever since she came out to me, she’s gotten very touchy.
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome as a child. Because of that, I have an aversion to touch. Unless I trust and know you, I don’t want your physical affection. To me, being touched by people is the equivalent to having bugs crawl up your arms. Sometimes, it makes me want to vomit. **I. Don’t. Like. Being. Touched.**
That being said, what Samantha does isn’t exactly bad. She’ll play with my hair, rest her head on top of mine, and just touches me around the head/face area. I guess these are normal behaviors between girls, but it still makes me uncomfortable. I’ve told her several times to stop and that I don’t like it. She just keeps touching me.
Today, she was playing with my ponytail without my permission (again), and I initially told her to stop, to which she replied jokingly, “What are you going to do about it?” I got so mad, I ended up shouting, “Stop touching me, or I’m going to have a fucking panic attack!” She looked really hurt and dejected after I yelled at her, and just left without saying anything.
I know the only reason she feels so comfortable with me is because she knows I’m also LGBT, the only other coworker that is, on top of being the only other female that works there, and that may make her feel safe or give her a sense of belonging. Or maybe other girls were fine with this in the past or it seems like normal social behavior. I don’t know. I just hate being touched.
TL:dr: I snapped at a Trans Coworker for touching my hair, and her feelings got hurt. AITA? ###### | NTA. Her being trans doesn’t mean she can touch your hair. You told her you don’t like being touched and she disregarded your warning. ###### |
My sister just had a baby and he’s a couple months old, kinda in that ugly chicken phase. She has been trying for a baby for over 10 years and I’m super proud of her because I know she was hurting with infertility etc.
She co-owns a successful business w/ my parents and it’s her job to post pictures on their website of the products.
For the sake of argument, let’s say they handmake leather goods like wallets and purses. Nothing to do with kids. She will post photos of my nephew either on the goods partially obscuring the items or with items on top of him. She jumped straight back into work and uses my nephew as props.
Business has taken a noticeable dive and people keep emailing the store to ask if they can get clearer pictures etc.
Recently someone left a bad review AFTER purchasing items saying ‘I came here to buy x, not look at someone’s baby’. My sister took it the wrong way and actually blacklisted the customer and also sent a strongly worded email to them saying they’re a family business and how dare they critizise her and no one knows what she’s been through.
My parents actually had to reach out to that customer and offered to fully refund them. I gently said to my sister (I was in the room when my parents were refunding over $200 worth of leather goods) that maybe she should keep work and family separate.
She started screaming at my that I’m a stupid kid and. I don’t know what I’m talking about (I’m 17, shes 30+, i was a total surprise baby...) and that I’m evil and dumb etc. My parents asked me to apologize to her which I don’t think I should do. ###### | NTA. Her actions are costing the business money. Also, not everyone likes babies. So if your business is handmade leather goods and the baby is sitting on new products with a diaper on, or drooling all over the merch, it doesn't look very good. It looks very unprofessional.
Maybe let her manage a social media page where the baby poses with bags or whatever with the family and other customers, but actual product shots and communication should remain formal and without baby. That's just weird. ###### |
Last year, my husband and I adopted a baby boy. We have an open adoption agreement with his biological mother, meaning we send pictures and see her once a year. There will be more contact as well as he grows up, as well.
When we met her, we knew she had an Instagram and YouTube page, where she talked about her journey. We found her through an agency, but she was up front about this. At the time, she didn’t have much of a following. In the past year, she has gained a bigger one. Not huge to the point where she’s well known, but she has 4,000 followers on Instagram and is growing.
My husband and I are pretty private people and keep our social medias locked down. We decided that since she was growing so big, we were no longer comfortable with her posting pictures of our son on social media. We sent her this request and told her that while we would still keep sending pictures, seeing her, etc , we just didn’t want him on social media. She said that was her way of sharing pictures of him with distant family and I offered her alternatives, such as her emailing them the photos. All were meant with “sure, sure, sure”.
Then today, Mother’s Day, she made a post of different types of moms and including pictures of her with him, both from his birth and then from our visit a few months ago. I texted her and said if she kept this up, I would limit pictures. She got upset and deleted the post, editing it to a post of her holding him, but his face wasn’t shown which I was fine with. But she told me that I was wrong to tell her how to “run her account”.
Am I being difficult here? ###### | NTA. He’s your child, not hers. She gave him up. You’re already being gracious to her by having an open adoption with your son.
I’m also adopted, and I’d be weirded out if my birth mother did this to me since I consider my adopted parents my real parents. You’re completely in your right to make that request. ###### |
Context: my ex and I have a 20 month old daughter. Ex and I live together even though we aren't any longer romantically involved and overall have a good relationship.
Long story short: our daughter is a 20 months old and with special medical needs and have never left my side once since she was born. I've literally never been apart from her for more than 2 hours, say if her dad was taking her for a walk.
Daughter is not yet in nursery because of her medical condition meaning I care for her all day long and work part time at night. Dad has left me with her for a total of 7 months in total split over several weeks at a time, sometimes he had to go for work and sometimes because he wanted to fly home to visit family. For 20 months I've not met with a friend or family member or gone to the hairdresser without my now toddler by my side. Due to our smallish apartment, I also sleep in her room. I don't remember the last time I was on my own.
I'm going nuts, I'm exhausted, I'm getting more and more depressed by the day and I need a break. Just two nights in a hotel in the city somewhere. Doing nothing.
Money is not an issue but my ex insists that I'm being selfish and shouldn't want to go or want to be away from my daughter. He's said that instead he'll take her for a few hours doing the weekend but in honesty, I just need away from them both for a day or two. AITA? ###### | NTA. He’s TA for acting like a brat about taking care of his own kid for more than a couple hours. ###### |
My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) bought an ounce of weed together and split the cost in half and then divided it in two. We don’t live together so I figured when he’d come to mine, we’d smoke my half and when I’d go to his, we’d smoke his half. So basically, he smoked all of his and I’ve been giving him some of mine or bringing mine over to his place. This is where I get mad...
We work together and we headed straight to work from his place so I had my bag full of the things I brought to his place the night before in the break room. At the end of the night, he drove me home and we said goodnight to each other. I figured he’d ask me for some weed, but he didn’t which I thought was strange.
I get inside, go to get my weed so I can pack my bong after a double shift of work. I get to the bag and see that my pax and most of the weed I had is gone. I was really bothered by this because he went through my purse behind my back, didn’t even mention it to me. I called him and asked if he went through my purse and he just starts saying my name over and over again in a monotone and tired voice talking to me like he did nothing wrong and that I’m freaking out for no reason. I told him that I don’t care about the weed I care that he was being sneaky. He started saying that he didn’t think it was a big deal and he just wanted a relaxing night to himself. I admit I was getting angry and I said I just don’t know why you have to be sneaky about it. He said he’d talk to me tomorrow after I calmed down a little and hung up when I was about to defend my position.
This isn’t a unique situation where my boyfriend has got into things that I have not given him permission to go into.
So, AITA? Sometimes after we have a disagreement, he has a way of convincing me that what I’m feeling isn’t correct and I may be a little off emotionally. ###### | NTA. He’s straight up gaslighting you by telling you you’re overreacting to something that you are 100% allowed to be upset about. You can’t go through someone else’s private belongings, and the fact that he’s trying to convince you he did nothing wrong makes it even worse. ###### |
Yesterday my bf and I were talking and I finally got the courage to ask why he gets angry at me every few days and days he will never talk to me again. I asked about a specific situation like why he was angry. And he answered 2-3 times that we hadn’t been together that long then but to me that’s not a reason to get irrationally angry at someone you care about. After I asked again specifically what was it I did that made him angry in that situation he exploded and flew into a rage. He said I will ask him every day (it wAs my first time ever bringing it up) and said I’m sadistic. I began feeling guilty like maybe he was justifiable angry bc I didn’t understand his explaining how the fact we hadn’t been together long related to how he got angry. And maybe it was reasonable he got mad he had to repeat himself 2-3 times.
Overall I felt such anger and I’d never been so scared of him before even though I am scared of him in general. I do wonder if it’s all my fault. He gets angry at me about everything but said he was willing to forgive his ex for cheating yet he gets mad at me for disagreeing on small things, looking upset, thinking badly of him (he assumed it when I’m not). I wonder why he treats me so differently and blame myself.
I feel I’m going insane. Was I wrong for not understanding him after he explained a few times? ###### | NTA. He’s gaslighting you. You should never, ever feel frightened of a partner in a relationship. Everything he’s doing are massive red flags. ###### |
I have recently banned my son from having his male friends over, and he is pretty upset with his mom and I. Probably sounds like a dick parent move but hear me out on why I did it.
I have a 14 year old daughter, and it’s been a hassle chasing the boys away. She’s a very beautiful girl (all thanks to her mom) and has been attracting a lot of attention from perverted men, our sons friends being some of them.
It is disgusting to see how they act around her and treat her. Yesterday was the last straw though. She was sitting on the couch and his friend came downstairs and sat by her because he thought she was the only one awake and started asking her if she was “really only 14”. He asked several times and kept telling her she “didn’t look 14” before I walked out of the kitchen and said “yes, she is 14. now leave her be”. I called Brennan (my son) down and told him he needed to have his friend leave.
When he left my wife and I discussed it and decided it’s best if he doesn’t bring his friends over anymore because this happens all the time. His friends endlessly flirt with her and refuse to leave her alone. We had to get a lock on her door that couldn’t be tampered with from the outside because we were worried about what might happen.
He says it’s unfair, that it’s not his fault and we’re being harsh. Claims that he’s 18 and can do what he wants and is going to “move out” because he’s “tired of this shit”. Is it unfair? AITA? ###### | NTA. He’s free to move out and have as many friends over as he’d like. At very least, your sons friends are extremely disrespectful and have no sense of boundaries. My older brother would have torn his friends to pieces if they were pulling this crap to me (Same age difference as your son and daughter). It was an unwritten rule to look out for your buddies little sisters. Trying to flirt with a friends little sister was never ok. ESPECIALLY if they are 14 and you’re 18. Your sons friends don’t respect her, your son, or you and your wife/home. ###### |
Brother and Sister in law are between buying and selling houses. It appears as though the dates of closings aren’t lining up and they are short what they need for the deposit on new place. Brother has asked if I can give them a short term loan of approx 30k for their down payment which they will payback as soon as the other houses closes as they are under contract on both properties.
I said yes, but to have his lawyer draw up a contract stating the terms of the loan. Which are none just that I am loaning X amount of dollars to be repaid by X date.
My brother got all outraged saying “I can’t believe you would ask that, I’m your brother. I didn’t want to borrow money from you because I knew you were going to do this.” Hung up and now is pissed off at me.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. He’s acting like he wasn’t planning to pay it back. 30k is an awful lot to flake on returning ###### |
So as this isn’t a relationships subreddit I’ll keep this part brief, I’m specifically asking whether I’m the asshole for ‘blackmailing’ (her words) or ‘giving an ultimatum’ (my words) to my friend.
She lost her job and made an onlyfans. Her fiancé doesn’t know. She knows he would consider that cheating and her fiancé is a very close friend of mine and I know it would destroy him.
My friend has not been discreet about this and is telling all of our friends for the clout because she’s got a lot of ‘yaaassss girl you get that coin’ sort of messages to the few people she opened up to and now word has spread and *guys we mutually know including her fiancé* are aware and paying for her content.
I told her she needs to tell him or I will. She considers this blackmail. I’m trying to protect my friend who I know is a very good person and who would be devastated.
My own best friend has told me to stay out of all of this and to mind my business. My best friend doesn’t know these people at all so she is not invested emotionally. I am autistic and think it’s very clear I need to tell my friends fiancé but she is saying that if my friend lost her job she needs to do what she needs to do to survive. ###### | NTA. He's your friend too. Also blackmail would be if you threatened that he would find out unless she gave you something you wanted. That is not what happening. You are telling her you will not conceal her infidelity (given that she knows thats how her fiance would view it) and giving her the opportunity to be the one to own up to it. ###### |
So this guy has been my friend for a few months now. Maybe 5 or 6. Went to a few parties at his place, talked a bunch when quarantine was starting, that kind of thing. Once, when i was pretty drunk at one of his parties (a get-together of 4 pretty close friends), i spilled that id slept with a friend in our closer friend circle. Literally the next day i find out he's been telling everyone about it.
Fast forward a few months to late quarantine and he starts criticising little things i do. Like just reacting to his texts on Messenger when I don't have anything to say, and straight up calls me "very dishonest" for telling a teacher online I couldn't hear them well.
A couple days ago I'm out with friends and i find out he's been spilling that conversation too, and now some friends of mine from totally separate groups know about it.
So I decide to cut ties with this guy, and he just won't let up. Saying he still wants to talk to me and that he never had any bad intentions and that he doesn't understand why I won't try to work on this relationship and talk things out rather than cutting ties straight up.
So, after all of this, i need a sanity check. Am I the asshole here? ###### | NTA. He's proven he can't be trusted. If he keeps pestering you, leave him on read or block him. Retaliation will only get him what he wants - a conversation. ###### |
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months, recently I’ve noticed we’ve drifted a bit. It’s like I’m always having to start the conversations every time.
For the past 3-4 weeks I have been refusing to do sexual stuff. I’m only 16, I’m not as interested in it as much as he is. And I’ve told him that I don’t want to and I’m not confident. He said he respects my wishes, and I was really happy about that.
He came over yesterday and was of course expecting to get some action when I told him the night before that those things weren’t on my agenda. He didn’t talk to me much when he realized I was serious. I joked with him that if he came over the next day I’d do something for him, he’s currently over right now and is mad at me. He’s hiding in my closet and my damn house.
I told him that he should stop expecting stuff like that. He responded that he’s mad that I lied to him, cause of the joke. I said he’s being petty and asked him to come out. He refused multiple times.
AITA for lying?
EDIT- I apologized about lying before I posted this. He said he wouldn’t accept my apology. Forgot to mention oops ###### | NTA. He's pressuring you. Both before and after your "promise". You shouldn't joke about that, but it doesn't make you an asshole. ###### |
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