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So I have a large collection of books that I often reread. I love them all very much. My favourite series is noughts and crosses books. My parents often make me lend books to people I barely know and sometimes the people take ages to return it and if they do, its often a bit damaged. The other day my parents asked me to lend the noughts and crosses to someone (we’ll call this someone J). J is quite nice but she has a brother who likes to play football with almost any object in their house, and I was not going to let him do that to my book. I said No. My parents totally blew up at me. They said I was selfish. I told them I wasn’t going to lend my favourite book series to someone else because I love them and I don’t trust other people with them. My parents are now angry at me and I’m angry at them, but I’m starting to think that maybe I was being a bit selfish. So AITA? ######
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NTA. If your parents want to lend books to random people all willy nilly then they need to acquire their own copies of said books to lend out. You're under no obligation to share your possessions with persons you hardly know, especially knowing those things are likely to come back damaged. ######
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I'm (21M) quarantining with my university flatmates. 3 girls (all 20F) and 2 other guys (20M, 21M).
One of the guys, we'll call Sam (21M) looks like the typical "neckbeard". He's largely overweight, wears anime T-Shirts, unkempt facial hair and has spots
However, he only *looks* like the stereotype. He's not creepy or holier than thou. I've spent time with him and been to many parties with him, he just suffers from sometimes severe social anxiety and low self esteem.
Well, he went back home for something and I was in the kitchen with the rest of the flatmates.
One of the girls, we'll call Amy, immediately began roasting Sam by saying "I'm so glad that ugly neckbeard is gone" and how she doesn't have to look at him anymore.
Honestly, I immediately felt disgusted. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from or how they look like. I was once treated like that and it isn't nice.
I immediately snapped at Amy and said "You're bullying him, and that's not cool". She looked at me shocked I confronted her and things went quiet.
Later my other male flatmate Henry said i was an asshole for interrupting Amy and that she was "only joking around and having fun". I told him tht he's complicit and should be ashamed. But I do wonder whether I was an AH for embarrassing her. AITA? ######
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NTA. If your idea of "fun" is putting down other people behind their backs, there is a 10/10 chance that you suck ass. You did the right thing my dude. ######
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My stepdaughter (24) is moving in with her Bf this weekend and when she asked for help moving, I said nothing about it being my birthday because let’s be real- there’s a pandemic and I’m not going to go out and party or anything. But we would have to get up super early and drive three hours to help her move and then three hours back. Her BF and his father live in that town and are going to help. My husband is going to help, which I have no problem with. Her bio mom isn’t going, so I feel less pressure.
However, my husband keeps asking me to go when I really don’t want to have to wake up early, drive three hours, move stuff in the heat, and then drive home another three hours. On my birthday. I just want to sleep in and relax. I have not asked for anything for my birthday, it’s 41 so no big deal. My birthday last year was a complete sh!tshow and I actually had to remind my husband that he had a gift for me AFTER the date had passed.
Am I the asshole for just wanting to sleep in and not have to spend six hours in the car AND moving her? I get that my husband wants to spend time with me on my birthday but I’d rather stay home and be lazy. I feel like the asshole.
Also just extra info: I’ve gone above and beyond for the step kids over the years and have great relationships with them. But I feel under appreciated at times which makes me feel less pressure to go help her move again. ######
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NTA. If your husband keeps pressuring you for it, gently remind him that you’d much rather have some time for yourself on your birthday rather than move stuff. But the way he keeps pressuring makes me wonder if he has something planned? ######
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Ok...so, my girl and I are sitting on the couch watching some TV. She's on her phone wearing yoga pants and a Tshirt, basically laying on her stomach with her ass right next to me and her legs across my lap. I'm playing my Switch chilling.
Then suddenly she lets rip a massive ass clapping fart, and it smells fucking rotten. I naturally react without even thinking and say, "Goddamn!" and put my hand to my face and get up to go smoke a cigarette. Now, it wasn't my intention to hurt her feelings, but she clearly felt self-conscience and said her feelings were hurt. I apologized, but she says I should have just ignored it. Now, we have been together for a while, and yes we fart in front of each other and even laugh about it. But she basically farted right into my face full force and I just reacted. She thinks I'm a complete asshole, I apologized but said you know maybe don't shoot a fart right into my fucking mouth next time.
I got nothing against farts, but goddamn I did my best not to be a complete dick about it, and going out for a smoke seemed the best choice at the moment to let the air clear.
AITA? ######
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NTA. If your girlfriend is self-conscious about how you react to her farting in your face, then maybe she shouldn't fart in your face. Totally gross. ######
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I'll start by explaining the situation, my mother is a health nut who also happens to have celiac disease. I don't have celiac disease and don't currently follow the diet. My mother insists on me following it even though gluten free food is more expensive and tastes bland in comparison. Her reasoning is that apparently gluten gives people diabetes, which I know is complete BS. I'll also note that I'm not making her spend extra money on non gluten free food, as my father doesn't have celiac disease either. It doesn't affect her at all for me not to follow the gluten free diet. I'm pretty certain I'm in the right here, but would like another perspective. ######
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NTA. If your dad can safely prepare non-gf foods without it affecting your mom, and you don’t have a gluten intolerance, there’s no reason for you to eat gluten-free. ######
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My boyfriend and I, both 24, have been together ten years now. He’s my best friend and I love him. Since the beginning of our relationship I’ve explicitly said I do not want kids, and he’s always gone along with it. I practically brought up my siblings due to my mum being a drug addict, and don’t want kids myself.
A few nights ago we were at his parents house, his dad said something like “when you two have kids...” and I looked at him expecting him to say something but he didn’t. I brought it up when we got home and he asked if I’d be ready to start trying. I was quite simply baffled as this is a conversation we’ve had many times before. Like many times. He said that he assumed I’d just change my mind and that he really wants kids. I refused and said if he wants kids he can get them elsewhere.
We’ve been arguing about it constantly, and his parents have managed to worm their way into it and saying I’m an awful person for leading my boyfriend to believe we’d have children, when I’ve been doing the opposite our entire relationship. I love kids, and if I happened to fall pregnant I would love the baby with everything in me, but I’ve told him from the beginning that planning a baby isn’t something I want. My parents even seem to be on his side. AITA? ######
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NTA. If you’ve been explicitly clear this whole time, then he’s been lying to you when he’s gone along with it. I’d bet that he’s also told his parents a different story, given their reaction. He’s been telling himself that when you say “never,” you mean “not right now.” ######
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My roommate (22F) and I (20M) have been roommates for about six months. One of the things that was agreed upon when I moved in with her was that I don’t want anyone else, including her, in my room. I grew up in a household where my privacy wasn’t respected, and I would routinely get home to my parents tearing through my room without me in there and without my permission. It still gives me anxiety.
My roommate is usually good about honoring my request. However, lately she’s been making a fuss about the request. My roommate’s parents were super good about honoring her privacy, and she’s super open about her space. Lately, she’s been making small comments like, “why do you care who’s in your room if you have nothing to hide?” and “well what if I need something from your room?” And when she does this, I always tell her that it’s not about having anything to hide, it’s that it gives me a lot of anxiety, but she doesn’t seem to get it.
A couple days ago, I got home from work to find my roommate in my room. When I confronted her about it, she said she was quickly dropping my laundry onto my bed. I told her that she should have just left it on the couch until I got home, and that she didn’t need to go into my room. I usually do the laundry, but because my roommate got laid off from her job and I didn’t, she started doing it, so after confronting her I brushed off the incident as a one time thing.
Yesterday though I found her in my room again, this time because she needed to borrow my charger. I told her again that I didn’t want her in my room. I was trying to keep calm but I’ll admit I was very agitated. She said I was overreacting and that it wasn’t a big deal and I should just suck it up. And today she was giving me the silent treatment, so I’m genuinely wondering if I overreacted. ######
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NTA. If you’ve actually caught her twice she’s probably been in more times than that unfortunately. Living with roommates, your bedroom is your only truly private space.
I agree with other posters about installing a real lock either through a locksmith or buying the external hardware for a padlock and doing it yourself. She will probably take this as extreme or you hiding something, but you’ve already explained your preference on this and didn’t owe her that to begin with ######
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I can’t exactly remember how it got to this but my mom and I were talking about the house were living in and she said “And then when you move out I can come live with you” and I said “Oh I don’t really want you to live with me” and she got mad and was like “Do you not care about me and want to take care of me?” And like yeah I do care about her I just don’t want to have her live with me when I have my own house. It’s MY own house. She was talking about how she can’t do her job forever. She’s a 51 year old fitness trainer. Her knees are fucked up and she’s not gonna be able to do it for long and she knows that. She said “I’m not gonna get a new job once I can’t do this one. Are you not gonna take care of me?” I see it as her fault for choosing that as her only job or whatever. Anyways yeah that’s all I gotta say ######
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NTA. If you’re close to moving out, there’s a reason she didn’t bring this up until now. She knew she would have been shut down and that she’d have to figure out other arrangements. If you’re younger, she’s unfairly trying to pressure you into a commitment you’re not remotely prepared for. Either way, she’s banking on your familial guilt to bankroll her retirement. I feel for her, but she should have been planning for this long ago.
I know this varies in different cultures, but that’s my take based on what’s here. ######
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He was in a zoom meeting and wanted his wine refilled. I was busy doing things on my computer as well, so he just snapped his fingers at me as if I was a waitress and pointed at his wine glass. Like I get he couldn't talk in his meeting but he couldn't have just muted his mic for a second to ask me to get some more wine for him? I'm not an animal. He doesn't understand why I'm upset about this. ######
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NTA. If you’re able to DRINK on a call, it can’t be too important that you can’t take the few seconds to mute it. ######
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(I'm not a story teller like some here, so sorry if this is disorganized or boring.)
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Hello Reddit. Tomorrow is my (f/28) birthday. I wasn't planning on doing anything this year because it's my first sober birthday (I quit drinking 9 months ago) and I try to avoid parties since everyone usually drinks at them.
Last week I was asked by friend A (f/31) if I'd like to go for a small dinner and I said yes. A asked where I wanted to go and I suggested somewhere that serves hot pot. I have never tried it and figured my birthday dinner would be a good time.
A came back to me the next day and said we can't do hot pot because friend B (f/30) doesn't like Korean food.
"Uhmm, okay how about sushi?"
Well you guessed it, now friend C (f/34) doesn't like sushi.
This has evolved in to me trying to find a place everyone will enjoy and wanting to cancel the whole thing because all it has done is stressed me out and made me feel bad for not knowing who doesn't like what. I told A this, and she said it would be an asshole move because everyone is getting together for me.
Today B pushed for us to go to a pub, and everyone immediately was in agreeance.
I snapped a bit. I told the group that I refuse to let my birthday be an excuse for them to get drunk at a bar. If this dinner really was *for me* they'd have been fine with my original suggestion and if they can't support my sobriety then they aren't friends at all.
I am currently getting text messages saying I flew off the handle, that I need to grow up and not be such an asshole when they were just trying to do a nice thing for me. C even said that they shouldn't be punished because I can't handle my liquor.
So yeah, dinner is cancelled and so are those friendships. Now that I've cooled down a bit though, I am wondering if I was being an asshole...
​
Edit: Post has been live less than 10 minutes and you guys have already shown me I made the right call. Thank you so much. ######
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NTA. If you're within a year of sobriety and your friends are aware of that, they're not friends if they want you to go to a pub for your birthday. Your sobriety is way more important than their preferences in food. And regardless of the sobriety, your birthday is about you. You get to decide where and when you want to celebrate and if your choice is to not celebrate, that's the right choice.
To give you an example of how good friends react to something like this: it's my birthday next weekend and I asked my roommates if they would come to my mom's house with me. All I had to offer was home cooked food and animals to pet. They immediately agreed because it's what will make my birthday special. ######
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This happened today at 7am, i got woken up by a huge scandal going on in the aparment above mine so i went to check it out.
The tenants are two tourist girls that rented the apartment from airbnb and a strong weed smell is coming out from their door. My other neighbors are there knocking on their door and shouting but these girls don't speak any spanish so i'm chosen to speak with them.
I told them in english to cut it out as the smell is very strong and affecting other tenants in the floor. no answer, just giggling. However, i chose not to tell them that the neighbors have called the cops on them, which might have prompted them to get sober asap.
Cops show up an hour later and start talking with the neighbors and the landlord (he doesn't live here but came called by the other tenants), weed smell at this point is still at 50% strength. They tell the landlord to open the door and get these two girls arrested.
This is where i start to feel bad since they seem very young (21-23 at most) and they have no idea of how messed up a police station in south america is, even in the women's holding cell. I know they won't get a phone call either so they could be stuck there for a week until their embassy even learns of their arrest. ######
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NTA. If you're stupid enough to smoke where it's illegal you get what you get. If they hadn't been hotboxing the entire bloody building nobody would have cared. ######
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Hey folks, so I'm at a fork in the road here and have to make a decision. \[Re-phrasing some things so this post doesn't get removed again\]
My brother is in his mid-30s and recently applied to become a police officer. I'm not going to say where since this would be a dead give-away of who I am. When he first told my family and I that he was applying to become a police officer, we were skeptical, but I didn't think anything of it, assuming he'd never make it past the initial testing phase. He has extreme anger issues (he has been in court a few times but my father has paid lawyers to get these incidences expunged from his record), he still lives with my mom, and has addiction issues. His current job has nothing to do with law enforcement either. To my utter shock, he's somehow made it to the final phase before he's admitted to the academy, which is background checks/character references. I have no idea why he put me down as someone to provide him a character reference since we've never had a good relationship. But I recently received an email from the police department asking me to fill out a character reference for him.
I absolutely do not feel comfortable with the idea of him being in a position of power within the community for obvious reasons. That being said, I am the godparent to his only child (who I love and adore) and my brother's current job is not exactly a career that will give his child a great life. I fully support my brother's ambition to have a better career, I'm just not sure if he's the best fit for law enforcement.
WIBTA if I was truthful on the reference form and potentially ruin my relationship with both him and subsequently my godchild? Should I just not fill out the form at all and hope for the best? Or should I withhold certain details for the sake of their future? ######
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NTA. If you're concerned for the safety of others, you should always tell the truth. If they choose not to hire him based on your reference, they probably won't tell him that was why. You WBTA if you gave him a false good character reference, in this case. ######
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Ordered a custom product, told them what I wanted down to the design and colors and paid a design fee. It was a custom gift for my wife and another one for my daughter. A month after it came, they listed the product I had them make for my daughter as a buying option for everyone visiting their site using a photo of my daughters gift as the image on the page. I said something and they refunded my design fee for that product. When they listed the first they decided they would no longer charge the design fee on thing that they would relist or people would pay extra to keep it off their for sale page. Two days after that I check their site and they listed the item I had made for my wife for Mother’s Day. For her it was a personal item and now it’s for sale, no mention of a refund. Feel like i need to take their 5 Star perfect reviews down a notch with a review telling everyone to never have them make something personal. ######
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NTA. If you were expecting this to be custom, it should be custom and only yours ######
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Hey guys! This is my first time posting on AITA so please bear with me....
First a bit of context... I was planning on getting married this October but have no idea if that is still going to happen due to the lockdown that's going on
So I (29yo F) was on the phone to my mother this morning discussing plans for a "Virtual Birthday party" for me for next week (basically a group video chat with family) and we got on talking about how because of the quarantine that all my families birthdays have been pretty much cancelled this year.
I really wanted to do something special as it's my 30th but will happily settle with just a call, I suggested that we could set up like a Family birthday party after quarantine to celebrate everyone's birthdays. My mum then responds with "well we will see if we can, maybe we can do a joint birthday call next week as your SILs birthday is 2 days after yours and you were planning to get married this year so we can all just celebrate them at the reception" I was deeply hurt and angry by this as
1. my birthday has always been over shadowed as my SIL is a few days after mine and therefore I've had to have joint parties/gatherings for years, I dont usually mind but this is a big birthday and all my 'big' birthdays have eaither been ruined or shared, and
2. that my wedding day is supposed to be about my hubby and me! I told my mum that in no way, shape or form will I be sharing my wedding reception with birthday celebrations for everyone else, it's my big day, and one that I've been waiting on for years, I wont be upstaged on my wedding day"
She got kind of huffy and said well it's not often all the family is together and that we will "just see what happens" now I love my mother and my SIL dearly but this has really struck a nerve.... but still I cant help wondering AITA? ######
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NTA. If you wedding will be on a Saturday, your mother can plan something for the Sunday. Or the weekend before. Or the weekend after. Out of curiosity, what's HER wedding story? Would she have allowed her day to get upstaged by everyone else? ######
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I was unloading my groceries and found a devotional booklet and a note from my instacart person encouraging me to find Jesus in these dark times.
My order was otherwise just fine, and I won’t change my tip, but I don’t I don’t know how assholish I would be leaving a low star review for the literature. I don’t want to fuck with anyone’s income, and I’m sure this person thinks they’re being kind, but I find the proselytizing unprofessional and exceedingly unwanted.
So, WIBTA giving low star review with a complaint about the religious literature? ######
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NTA. If you wanted that sort of crap you’d have asked for it or sought it out. ######
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Our whole relationship is great except for our bedroom situation. We haven’t been intimate in several months and I don’t really show off my body to him anymore.
All of my pajama clothes were in the wash and they weren’t fully dry and I had literally nothing else to wear other than stuff that’s not comfortable to sleep in. I also don’t want to sleep in thick pajama pants because it’s 95 degrees outside.
I figured screw it why not sleep naked just for tonight. I got into bed and he got all weird. Asking me why I wasn’t wearing clothes, which I explained why and he said surely I could find something to wear. I said yes I have other clothes but I don’t feel comfortable sleeping in those clothes. I told him I didn’t see the big deal and it was just for a night, we used to sleep naked all the time.
He got really bugged and said it was weird and it made him uncomfortable. I got up and went to sleep on the couch. AITA? ######
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NTA. If you used to do it, it shouldn’t be an issue. However, I wonder about the lack of bedroom stuff and his reaction... ######
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My family is beyond angry with me for this purchase and I want to know if I am wrong for it. If I am wrong, I will return it. I (26F) still live at home with my parents and younger sister (23F). My parents are currently not working but still being paid by their jobs and my sister is a student. Our finances have stayed fairly the same through this situation. I am still working my fast food job and have been saving for this big purchase. Yesterday I was able to order a Louis Vuitton Neverfull bag ($1,580 retail) for $1,100 preloved. I have been saving for this for a long time and it is my dream purse. I don’t own any other designer items. I told my family so they could share in my excitement but everyone was beyond angry at me. My parents yelled at me for not contributing enough to the house and throwing money away on fashion items. However, I pay them rent and pay the house’s cable. They have never asked for more and it has always been clear that my leftover money after covering those expenses if for me. My sister is calling me a show off and making fun of how I will come off when wearing it. I don’t want to come off like a snob and am now reconsidering it after these comments. If I return it, I don’t know what I will put the money towards because my parents haven’t exactly asked for anything. So do you think I should return it? ######
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NTA. If you specifically worked and saved up to purchase this purse, there is no reason to feel guilty. You worked hard for it. You're allowed to enjoy luxury items. It was your money not theirs, they don't get a say in your finances since you're already pulling your weight. Keep the bag and enjoy it. ######
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I [30F] was at a bar with friends back when that was still a thing and was approached by a past hookup who was clearly still interested. I told him that I wasn’t and he left us alone after that, but one of my friends (childhood friend of BF) was super offended that I hadn’t disclosed that I’d had a boyfriend when I turned him down.
In my mind, turning a guy down by saying you have a bf is weaker than saying that you have no interest, period. Some guys don’t really care if you already have a bf, and from what I knew I’m pretty sure past hookup was in that category. She seemed to think not bringing it up was disrespectful because it gives appearance that I might be willing to cheat if it’s with the right person. I kind of get the perspective, but it feels like she’s looking for a way to twist my words and somehow make this unwanted situation my fault.
I gave my BF a heads up and he didn’t really care, but some of our friends were acting weird about it. AITA? ######
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NTA. If you say you have a boyfriend, they'll keep pushing. I think many of us women have experienced it. Turning them down outright let's them know they have no chance. ######
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AITA for removing the tip until my things are delivered and then tipping the deliverer?
So, I need a lot of things delivered to me as I can't go out due to chemo and the fact that I'm currently immunocompromised has me needing a lot of things that I pay to have delivered. What I do to get my things delivered faster is add a large tip ($50.00+, I can afford it) and then it's snatched up and I get my things quicker.
Once I have the person who will deliver my things, I change the tip to $0.00, and wait until they arrive and tip them the same amount in cash. The delivery services I use take between 5 and 15% of the tip and I'm not tipping the company, I'm tipping the person who's taken time out of their day to bring me things. I've never stiffed someone, I just prefer to know that the full amount I want to tip them ends up in their pocket and I don't trust the government. I did waitressing and I never got the full tip and I know people are hurting.
I mentioned it to a friend and she got angry and said that I was scamming the company and misleading my delivery people but the way I see it is that the company charges me extra for my groceries and takes a delivery fee from me, then they want to charge the deliverer. I know for a fact from all of my delivery people that they're not charged if they don't get a tip so why should I pay the company an additional amount?
Obviously I'll change if the company policy charges but until then, they're not taking any more from me and paying their drivers scraps. I also believe that cash is better so that's what I do.
AITA for removing the tip until my things are delivered and then tipping the deliverer? ######
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NTA. If you promise a $50 tip through the app and deliver a $50 cash tip then the driver is getting even more than they were promised. And these apps generally treat their drivers pretty terribly so to hell with giving them any more money than you have to. ######
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Edit: by toilet I mean toilet bowl rim mainly
My(23) boyfriend (30) of 5 months is pretty great and has visited my apartment pretty frequently as of late. He generally picks up after himself ok enough, there is one hug pet peeve that he is aggrrivating. When he uses my toilet ,he regularly leaves pee under the lid on the rim that builds up and causes a smell. It took me a while to realize this is what was happening as he was using my guest bathroom that I'm never in.
He feels that since he's the guest, and he has a medical condition that effects his aim, it's not his responsibility to keep my bathroom clean.
As a girl, I rarely dirty this part of the toilet and it feels gross to have to wipe down the stains so often. I've noticed this with my brother(12) and a male friend that has visited, so idk if it's just a guy thing but I find it pretty gross and disturbing.
How much do you ask frequent guests to clean after themselves? Am I overreacting or is he just being a dick? ######
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NTA. If you period dripped on the seat at his house he’d expect you to clean it up. It’s not your fault, and a medical condition, but I bet 1000% he’d want you to clean it up. ######
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Some background: I come from India but Im attending a college in the UK after accepting a scholarship.
So this started 7 months ago, so I told my family that I after I finish college I'm going to stay in the UK, I half heartedly thought they were going to be supportive but knowing my culture I knew that they were most likely going to be absolutely pissed and I was right, they were pissed as hell. Apparently I needed to marry our rich neighbor's son who was extremely average looking and also extremely traditional and they had already arranged marriage and I was extremely shocked, they expected me to still be immersed and obedient to our culture when im attending college in a different country for 4 YEARS, I told them that our culture was pure bullshit and I'm not going to go back to india.
A month later I get a call, the call was from our neighbor, they told me that my actions are sinful and an insult to god, and even worse the son joined and called me a whore, I told them that I will never accept the arranged marriage and to fuck off, after that I cut all contact will all my friends and family in india.
So Reddit AITA? ######
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NTA. If you need advice if things seem they might escalate or if you have any concerns, please call Karma Nirvana. They are a UK charity for exactly this sort of thing. ######
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I have a dog, she's 6. And very healthy. Potty trained. So she never makes any messes. Unless I'm gone for long hours which is understandable. When you gotta go, you gotta go. I clean it up. No big deal.
I walk her 3 times a day. Morning. Afternoon. Evening. So she can use the bathroom and get a lil bit of exercise.
There's a girl who runs her own dog-sitting business. I asked her to watch my dog for a 2 days while I went out of town.
I gave her paper with instructions. Its something a 10 year old could do. It said "Walk her 3 times a day, mornings, afternoons and evenings." I also left 4 small bags of her doggy food. 2 for one day, and 2 for the next day, (breakfast and dinner). Only 2 of thoe bags were used....
Fast forward to when I get back home. I come home to the scent of urine and feces. Everywhere. There's shit in the kitchen. There's shit in the bathroom. Shit in my bedroom. There's shit in the shit. And paw prints of urine everywhere. You get the picture. Its clear and obvious that she did not walk my dog at all. Not even once.
I was mad about the urine and feces everywhere. But im even more mad at the fact that she neglected my dog. She called me to ask when she can pick up her money. I told her I'm not paying her at all for the shitty "job" she's done. Her excuse? "I was busy with homework". I hung up the phone.
I rated her website a one-star and a negative review. She tried calling me again. My friend is saying I'm being harsh, and I should at least give her some money. For what? She did nothing. How hard is it to feed and walk a dog? How lazy do you have to be?
I dont think im being harsh. I'm being fair. She didn't do the job she was *HIRED* to do.
If im TA, tell me so I can make it right.
TL;DR: Dog sitter didn't walk my dog. Urine and feces everywhere, didn't feed her well either. ######
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NTA. If you hired a plumber to fix your toilet and instead they clogged it and flooded your bathroom, would you pay them for that?
She didn't even feed your dog. She doesn't deserve to stay in business with that sort of work ethic, particularly since she's working with animals. ######
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My dad wanted to take us all out for something, he said it was a surprise. For the past week I've had covid symptoms and I came down with a 100° fever yesterday. I told my dad that I wasn't feeling up to leaving the house and he kept trying to make me leave along with my siblings. I snapped and screamed at him and this prompted him to cancel the outing. My siblings won't talk to me and they keep saying pretty rude things now. Did I go too far? ######
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NTA. If you have COVID symptoms you absolutely should not be leaving the house, and neither should they, since they are in such close contact with you. ######
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When my roommate and I first moved in together we went and I adopted two cats. I paid for adoption fees then and still pay vet bills now.
The two cats are siblings and are now a bonded pair since it’s been a nearly a year or so now. She plans on moving out once our lease is up and going to college in another city. Having two cats and two people in the house was always perfect. And each of us bonded with one of the cats.
These cats love each other, I don’t know if that means anything to anyone but they do everything together. They cuddle, groom each other, play all day - they’ve been that way with one another since they were kittens.
My roommate is moving back home with her mom before she moves to college. She told me her plans to take the cat with her back home (where they have huge dogs and a mother that hates cats) and to school. While I understand why she wants to take the cat, I simply cannot and will not separate the two. Especially when I know she cannot provide the money for vet bills.
Once she told me of her plans I gave it a little time to breathe before I mentioned responsibly and respectfully that I’m not all keen for the idea. I mentioned her getting another cat to raise and love on her own but WIBTA for not letting her take the cat she bonded with? I don’t know I just wanna put the two cats connection with each other before their connection with us. ######
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NtA. If you have been financially responsible for them the whole time, they're your cats.
If they are as obviously bonded as you say, then shes TA for wanting to break them apart. ######
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I am a 16 year old male. I live with my joint family which consists of my mom (40) and dad (41) grandfather (68) grandmother (68) great grandmother (91) and also my great grand father who passed away last year at the age of 96.
We live in a very small house with respect to the number of my family members.
Hence, I dont have my own room in my own house.
My grandfather has a liver disease since a year and a half after a bypass surgery. My grandmother had a knee surgery recently and also has another one this year. My great grandmother does not have any diseases but is quite old. My mother has to take care of them and so she does not work. My father owns a business that is not doing that well currently thanks to covid-19. I was studying for an extremely important exam this year which I had to ace to get into a good college. And because of that exam I could not even go anywhere for some fun because I had to STUDY. For reference the last movie I went to see with my friends was about 3 years ago.
When the day of my final exam came, our nation went into quarantine and my 2.5 month holidays went down the drain. I now am looking after my grandparents and helping my mother in housework alongside studying for my 1st college year. Everyday I have to sit infront of my grandfather for hours just to be there if he needs anything. I havent met my friends since months and my privacy is literally 0.
I am completely fed up of everyone in my house. They feel that it is my obligation that I should look after my family. I literally have to sleep in my grand parents' room beacuse there is no room for me. I have 0hours to myself alone and the only time I get to think about myself is in the bathroom.
STILL MY FAMILY THINKS THAT I AM LIVING A LUXORIOUS LIFE AND THAT I AM UNGRATEFUL AND I AM LAZY AND UNHELPFUL BRAT.
AITA? ######
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NTA. If you have any money saved up, or any friends that'd take you in, move out ASAP. Because your grandparents aren't getting any younger and will only need more help as time progresses. ######
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So a coworker of mine and I happen to share a lot of the same friends. Today we were talking about some of our friends, and she starts describing this one friend she has. He sounds familiar so I say that he sounds familiar, I have a similar friend and start describing him thinking it might be the same person. I said he was smart, really funny, black, tall, and sporty. She then looks at me funny and said that she didn't know I was racist. I was really confused I said what? She said that since I said my friend is black that makes me racist. I was so confused and flabbergasted so I just went to do other things. I've been thinking and do I just not know what racism is? Is saying someone is black racist? I am still confused ######
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NTA. If you guys are trying to figure out if you're talking about the same person, then it makes sense to include major physical descriptors like race. That doesn't make you racist.
It's not like you said he was smart and funny for being a black person (at least I hope that's not what you said). That would be racist. Perhaps there's a chance that's what your coworker thought you were getting at. ######
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Hi- I have a sister who is a few years older than me, and has wanted kids since she was a kid. She wants a small litter of them and is a primary school teacher, and I think one day she will make a great mum.
I, on the other hand, do not like kids. Full stop. I never want to be pregnant, I don't find baby videos cute, and if I were to ever have kids I'd hope to foster and look after older kids to help give them a loving supportive home. I was always told when I was younger that when my aunt fell pregnant I'd love my baby cousin, and even though I 1000% love her so much, I never found her to be cute as a kid and it took until she was about 8 for me to feel like I could try to connect to her. Basically- kids and i don't super mix, regardless of relation.
This is connected to a wee while ago when I was talking to my sister and she was talking about wanting kids and I said to her that I was not going to babysit her kids at least until they were potty-trained.
I said this as a flippant comment, whilst my sister reacted like I'd told her I was going to sacrifice her future babies to satan when they were born.
AITA for not wanting to deal with up to four tiny screaming drooling sticky kids, even though they're going to be related? ######
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NTA. If you don’t want to babysit, then don’t babysit. ######
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Looking for some other opinions to help with my perspective.
My wife saw an area rug she liked on Craigslist. It was described as in good condition and was close to where we lived. The seller was asking $40 and my wife called and asked to come see it. The seller was about 10 minutes away, and my wife arranged a time to go meet.
Her story upon returning with the rug was that she arrived at the destination to find the rug on the porch and the seller not home. When she unrolled the rug to look at it, she decided it was in poor condition and not worth the seller’s asking price. To be fair, she is a career interior designer and well capable of making this determination. However, she decided to leave $5 and take the rug to use for a different purpose than initially intended.
After she explained this to me, I insisted she return the rug or get agreement from the seller that she could have it for her $5 offer. I explained that taking something that was not hers for a not agreed on price was theft and, regardless of how inconvenienced she felt, it did not give her the right to unilaterally decide on all the terms of the sale without the sellers consent. Her claim is that the seller was inconsiderate for not being there at the agreed time and making false claims about the condition of the rug gave her the right to take it for whatever price she felt acceptable.
She wound up returning the rug but treating me horridly for more than a week for ”not backing her” in this situation. I will add that she did all of this in front of our teenaged daughters and I felt strongly it set a very poor example. Am I the asshole? ######
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NTA. If you don’t like the the price or the condition, don’t buy. You don’t get to unilaterally decide on a new price without the seller’s consent. It was a dick move for the seller to not be there at the agreed on time, but it doesn’t justify theft.
Did your wife bother to call the seller when she got there? ######
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So a few days ago, one of my friends (who lives less than a half a mile away from me) sent me a picture of the sky because it was super dark. And here is the ensuring conversation verbatim:
Friend: it's going to storm really bad
Me: I don't think it'll be that bad but I'm still excited
F: dude go fuck yourself
M: ???
F: it's rude to be excited for storms because they give other people really bad anxiety and panic attacks (goes on to divert conversation to book they're reading)
And I'm confused because they know I absolutely love storms and find solace in them. Even when there are tornadoes sirens going off, I enjoy them. I am aware that my friend doesn't enjoy storms but should that really stop me from even talking about my love for them? ######
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NTA. If you could't be excited about anything that gives other people anxiety you couldn't be excited about ANYTHING. ######
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My wife wants us to compete in a weight loss competition, so it can make it easier for her.
The thing is, I can’t healthily lose any weight. I’m just 5 pounds from being underweight. I still do work out to become more fit, but I don’t lose weight.
My wife is slightly overweight. She wants to come down to a healthier level, which I wholeheartedly support. But, I can’t bring myself to compete in something that I can’t possibly win at. My wife thinks that this is unfair, and that is competing will make it easier for her.
So, AITA? ######
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NTA. If you are already so close to being underweight, there is no reason at all for you to try and compete. Perhaps come up with a fun alternative to help her with her weight loss, like instead of a competition, you can both workout together three times a week or cook healthy dinners together. It sounds like she might just need some oxternal motivation to help her reach her goal. ######
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Me [18M] and my girlfriend [18F] have been dating for 2 and a half years. We trust and love each other a ton. I have nude photos of her on my phone. My twin sister [18F] a few days ago snooped through my phone and found the pictures. I'm angry at her for invading me and my girlfriend's privacy, and feel guilty for not better protecting my phone and thus exposing my girlfriend. I have since put a passlock on my phone as well as the folder with her naked pictures.
My sister says she snooped cause she was bored, wanted to see my pictures, and accidentally stumbled upon the nudes. I suspect she may have looked for my gf's nudes on purpose but either way its fucked up. As far as I know, she didn't see my nudes (hopefully yikes). My sister is gay and has a girlfriend [17F] of almost a year. I'll call my sister "M". Since then M has been making a lot of comments on the pictures and my girlfriend to me. This really upsets me and I think its super disrespectful. Things she has said include:
" Damn she's hot, a solid 9"
"Her boobs are almost as nice as mine"
"If I was single, I could get with her"
"She has a nice pussy"
"You don't deserve that body"
I keep telling her to shut the fuck and stop disrespecting my girlfriend but she wouldn't stop. So I told her if she keeps making these comments I'd tell her girlfriend what she's doing but she didn't believe me and didn't stop. So I texted her girlfriend a screenshot of some of the creepy stuff M has texted me about my girlfriend and told her what M was doing.
M is now furious at me because her gf got super mad at her. She says I might have cost her, her relationship.
I didn't and don't want to tell my parents as I didn't want to out my sister as gay to them, and they would flip out if they knew I was exchanging nudes
Did I overreact or go overkill involving her girlfriend? ######
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NTA. If want to know I'd my gf/bf was speaking like that about others ######
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I was dating my wife for 8 years before I proposed. We lived together for most of that time and it just didn't feel like it would make any difference. Finally I proposed and just a month after the proposal we found out that she was pregnant. With that discovery we decided to postpone plans to get married until after he was born and everything was settled in a bit.
Fast forward to our wedding with our baby. While we had him by our side for the majority of it, every now and then a family member would volunteer to watch him for a short bit. Queue my wife's mother saying that she wanted to watch him for a little while.
Now I can tell many stories about why the MIL is not a responsible adult, but I'll keep it simple for the sake of this post. I thought it'd be fine since there were people everywhere and in my head "I had to start trusting her at some point". I was wrong and I'm happy that it stayed as tame as it did.
My son was teething and gave her a small bite on the MILs arm. I didn't see it but apparently she put him into the wet grass and just walked away saying "shit, he's lucky I didn't throw him". She left him there with no one close by watching him. My mother saw this from a distance and scooped him up. She told me about it later.
So... I didn't much trust this person beforehand but the event solidified my stance. It's been four years now. I never talked to the MIL about what happened. I just told the wife that the MIL will never watch him or even be left alone in the same room as him. She wasn't happy about it but didn't argue against it either. When the MIL has offered to watch him I dance around the issue and I think that she has gotten wise to the fact that even though I'm friendly to her, I wouldn't trust her to make a sandwich for my son let alone watch him.
All of this has soured relations a bit but frankly, that hasn't changed anything for me. So... AITA for never letting the MIL watch her grandson? ######
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NTA. If things happened as you've said your MiL cannot be left in charge of a child. They are unpredictable and can throw tantrums or be upset. Is her reaction to a tantrum in a mall going to be to just walk away again?
Your wife is on your side, if only just. On some level she must know about her mother's questionable behaviour or she may be in the fog. Might be worthwhile checking out r/justnomil. ######
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My fiancé and I were supposed to get married at the end of this month, obviously it’s been moved. We’re now planning on the beginning of January of 2021.
I’m Asian-American, half Chinese half Japanese, but no one in my family has lived in Asia since my maternal grandmother. And she’s the only one. Everyone else directly related to me was born in America and lives here. I don’t follow any Chinese or Japanese customs, I don’t speak the language, I’m completely American. If I was white you wouldn’t be able to tell I had Asian roots. But I’m not white obviously.
My fiancé’s parents have always been a little racist. They’ve made off hand remarks here and there that were a bit suspect, but I tried not to over think them and ignored it. But a few days ago my fiancé was video chatting with them and I sat down with him to say hi. His mom then says “you’re lucky you didn’t catch it from her”. My fiancé mad a bit of a half assed effort to explain that’s not how it works, but he got talked over and then he gave up.
Afterwards I told him he had to confront his parents about it and at least make them stop saying that kind of thing in front of me. They can think whatever the hell they want, but to my face they should at least be trying to be respectful.
He claimed he already tried and nothing came of it, etc etc, but I don’t think he’s ever truly confronted them, just told them how they were wrong. I told him that unless he confronts them they can’t come to the wedding.
He got mad and said that I’m going overboard and it’s unfair to try and pressure him to choose like that. I’m not making him choose, I just want him to talk some sense into him.
AITA? ######
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NTA. If they're like this now, can you imagine what they'd be like around your future mixed children?? If he cannot stand up for you and have the courage to tell them that they better knock it off or it's no contact, then I don't know, but that would be a deal-breaker for me. (experience with my white father and Asian mother and dad's racist parents - he cut off from his family and stayed by my mother's side) ######
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I logged my mom's Netflix account on my dad's house (they're divorced) so that me and my brother could watch a movie.
Today I went to the living room and my dad's friends were watching Netflix in my mom's profile and didn't stop even after a told them that.
I called my mom and told her what was going on and she told me we should change the password and since she doesn't know how to do it, I did it.
Obviously after that the series my dad's friends were watching stopped working and asked for the new password, they started asking me what was going on and I pertended I didn't know.
They called my dad and he told me to call my mom (I didn't because I had just talked to her).
Now they are all bummed out about it and I feel kinda bad AITA? ######
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NTA. If they're divorced, your dad should get his own account. ######
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Hey guys! I F(21) have a very strained relationship with my father. Last year I walked in on him having an affair in our home. Prior to that he had been unfaithful to my mom on some other occasions (3 times total). After the incident during my freshman year of high school I made it clear to him if he did it again, he’d be dead to me. He did it again, and I made the decision to cut him out of my life. My mom had different plans though, she let him move back in after barely a month and started to bug me to talk to my dad again. This included inviting him on vacations, over for holidays, when I came back from university. In summary I stopped coming back home altogether. However because of covid I had to move back home, because the dorms shut down. My dad’s living at home too, and I’ve been struggling with it. My mom thinks because she forgave him, and the infidelity was in their relationship, I should move on. So she asks me to do things involving my dad, like text him, or call him, or help her buy him things, but I refuse because I am still uncomfortable with the situation. She tells me I’m using my discomfort as an excuse to be lazy, and that I’m ungrateful. Her forcing our relationship put a huge strain on her and my relationship and I’m having a lot of trouble staying home. I even got a full time job, just so I have an excuse to be out of the house for 40-50 hours a week. Am I being the asshole for not forgiving my dad about the affair, even though my mom did? ######
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NTA. If they wanted to keep it between them and their marriage they shouldn’t have involved you at all. But since you witnessed the affair, and since you are their child, it now becomes your business. You’re allowed to have an opinion on it. ######
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So I live in a small rented apartment with two other women. We don't hang out much and more live together for convenience. Recently I've started noticing that my milk is running out faster than I've been drinking it. I'm vegan so I drink dairy free oat milk. I'm pretty confident that I know who it is but every time I confront her she denies it. My friend suggested that I fill the carton with normal milk as she is lactose intolerant. I think it's a good idea but I don't want to go to far. So WIBTA? ######
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NTA. If they say they’re not drinking your milk they should have nothing to worry about right? ######
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So as a kid I (22f) was “the black sheep” aka I was the emo that everyone in the family made an effort to avoid and that carried on into my adult life (to a lesser extent) but I still wasn’t invited to things like weddings and family gatherings (I was however invited to go out clubbing).
Two years ago I’d invited all my immediate family, my parents siblings and their kids and my grandparents over for Christmas dinner or after drinks if they had other plans for dinner, everyone agreed that they would come over and would let me know when they’re on their way, cut to 9pm and I hadn’t heard from anyone but my younger cousin who sent me screenshots of everyone in a whatsapp group agreeing that there was no way they were coming over to my “dungeon” to sit and listen to “w*ist sl*shing” music” while eating “lettuce” (we’re a vegan household) so I thought ok cool you’ve all made your choices, I don’t NEED any of you and I won’t be missed so that’s the end of that.
Cut to last summer when I married my husband (27) I didn’t bother inviting any family but my cousin (and my dads sister as she’s always been the mother figure in my life) as we’d always been chill but I told her I understood if she didn’t want to come as I didn’t want to cause tension between her and the goblins so she FaceTimed me for the ceremony.
Now three weeks ago my family found out I had gotten married, I guess they went to the group chat and realised none of them had been invited so my uncle messaged me “so after everything we’ve done for you you couldn’t even let us know you were getting married” and then carried on calling me a selfish bitch and such, not inviting them was the right choice so I know I’m not the arsehole there but my cousin seems to think I’m the arsehole due to my reply of “stay mad hoes, I wanted the happiest day of my life to be filled with love, love NONE OF YOU have ever shown me. Don’t contact me again” as she believes him messaging me was an attempt to “reconnect” AITA? ######
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NTA. If they carry on send them the screen shot you were sent and ask them why would they be invited to a dungeon wedding full of scary music and lettus as they clearly hate that. 2 faced people are the worst. ######
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I’m sure I’d be TA here but I wanted to double check because I’m an idiot.
I gave my girlfriends nephew $800 for his class trip. The trip cost around $2400USD & I felt generous after hearing his parents were struggling to meet the monthly payments. I gave it to him in private and really adore this kid.
Now, his class trip has been cancelled. His mother and father now have possession of the money and intend on using for their own purposes.
The money was a gift to him, not their family.
WIBTA if I asked for the money back? If not, I’m lost as to how to bring it up without coming across as a douchebag BIL.
Edit: it appears the money may be allocated towards a family vacation. Not sure how that changes people’s opinions. ######
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NTA. If they aren’t classy and decent enough to give it back or ask what you would like done with the money now that the trip has been canceled, you are well within your right to ask for it back. ######
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I have 6 sisters and they always want to group text. 3 are nurses and we have a niece who is a EMT so they are constantly texting about medical stuff. They share pictures that are gruesome. When they aren't doing that it's gossip about their high school classmates. My sisters graduated when I was in elementary school. I do not know their classmates. I have been asking since 2014 to please keep me out of unimportant group messages. At first it was because my phone bill was increasing because they wouldn't stop, so I had to get unlimited data and text. Then I asked because the medical stuff was just gross to me. They laughed and said no and too bad. Finally one day after over 100 random texts I sent a message telling them to get me out of it because I don't care about useless drama and medical stuff, I said if it's important please tell me otherwise idc. Well last week my nephew had brain surgery and my sister didn't tell me because I don't want group texts. I told them that anything involving my nieces and nephews are important but I guess if I don't want an endless stream of group texts I don't deserve to be told about things at all. ######
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NTA. If they are sharing gruesome pics from work without written patient consent, it’s also illegal. ######
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I’m in charge of a team of people (industrial designers, if it matters) whose jobs involve daily meetings with others in the company to collaborate on projects and usually two or three clients to touch base on progress.
I jumped onto a client discussion recently to check in on a large project, and to my surprise found the person responsible for the call in a tank top in their living room. We usually do business in a pretty formal setting, when we typically come to work the most casual we get are jeans button downs/polos/sweaters, though a lot of times we need to go full jacket and tie/blouse and blazer.
So I sent an email out basically saying “Reminder as we all adjust to this new meeting format, use a plain background free from clutter and wear what you normally would for the same meeting in person.”
I immediately got angry emails that I’m not being compassionate enough and it shouldn’t matter because the clients/other employees know we’re at home and that further I can’t control what they do at home.
If I worked at any other job I’d think “Huh, I guess I was out of line to request this.” But I work with some people who are prone to being a little over sensitive, maybe because they’re mostly new to the working world.
Am I the asshole for asking them to dress up for virtual meetings? ######
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NTA. If they are meeting among themselves I believe it would be okay for them to be a little lax in dress, but when meeting clients they should be dressed as they normally would be in person. It does not matter that the client knows they are working from home. It shows the client that they only dress the part for work and not because they respect the client. In other words, you usually have a dress code as a way to portray professionalism. It also shows the client you take them(and yourself) seriously. If your team members are in tank tops during client meetings it shows the client that they are not invested in the relationship the company has with the client. It’s about professionalism and respect.
Tl;dr. Should be professional and respectful in client meetings and maintain dress code. Meetings among team members could probably be a bit lax. ######
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Divorce is weird. One part of our settlement was subscription services such as Amazon Prime, Netflix, etc.
I had to legally maintain them for 6 months. I don’t know if I was being taken advantage of, but it’s far too late now. Yesterday, when the 6 months were up, I cancelled every single subscription service I had and got new ones with a new credit card.
My ex was furious. Apparently, a couple of her orders got “cancelled” because the account got deleted. I mean, it’s my account, she could only use it for 6 months, and she did. She’s also complaining that she can’t afford Netflix now, with just her unemployment check. Yeah, because Netflix is a necessity.
A couple of our mutual friends are calling me an asshole because “she’s struggling”. Yeah, I honestly don’t care. She’s not my SO, nor is she my friend. She had a net negative impact on my life.
So, AITA? ######
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NTA. If these services were that important to her, she had six months to save up the money to purchase them for herself. You did nothing wrong. ######
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My (34F) boyfriend (35M) and I have been having a really rocky time in the relationship. I planned a nice treat for a picnic date that involved champagne and a spread of really nice food— as in, I spent an ungodly amount on cheese and charcuterie for us to enjoy.
He said that he would probably give some of it to his friends after because there was a lot there and I agreed so it wouldn’t go to waste.
However, he cut it up and planned on having it with his friends before we had the date. I said it was a mean thing to do and he said I was overreacting.
I usually pay for our groceries and this week, he contributed so he could get beers for his friends. He asked if I would respond the same way about the beer if he didn’t give money and I said, “fucking duh,” because I’m not here to pay for his friends.
I wouldn’t be as upset if he shared it after we had our time, but it feels like a dick move. AITA for getting mad or am I just being too sensitive? ######
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NTA. If there's food left over after the date then sharing it with his friends is NBD, but to do it beforehand seems inconsiderate to say the least. It sounds like he's telling you what his priorities are. ######
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I was scrolling through the hub, when I saw this video that caught my attention. When I clicked on the video and saw the face, I was surprised. This person looked exactly like my friend from university. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions because it would be mad weird if I came up to her and said I saw her in this video and it wasn’t her. So, I wanted to make sure. I looked at photos of my friend and it was a legit match, there is no way that it is not her. Same everything. Key features that my friend has, that the girl in the video has. As she is my friend, I know she would never post something like this on the internet. Plus, from prior conversations, I know she is not dating the dude that was in the video. I looked at the profile that posted it and it looks like the guy is posting all his escapades for the world to see. Knowing her background and career goals, if this video were to spread, it could cause some serious problems for her in the future. I would feel gutted knowing that I could at least said something. I rather be safe than sorry. I talked to my cousin that doesn’t know her and asked for some advice because I want to have a sit down conversation with her. My cousin said I would be an Asshole because I’m putting myself into business that isn’t mine. My cousin says I should just leave it alone. I can agree that it comes off as weird. However, with all the stories I hear with people having “revenge videos” leaked of them, I don’t feel comfortable sitting by knowing this could happen to my friend. What should I do? Am I the Asshole? Thank you for the advice.
TLDR: Found a video of my friend “doing the do” on the internet. Cousin says I’m an Asshole if I let her know. I just want to make sure my friend is protected. ######
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NTA. If there was a video of me out there, I would want to know. Make it clear that you are not judging, it is completely her business and you're not telling anyone about it. You are only bringing it up because you don't think she is aware of the video, and if the roles were reversed you would want someone to tell you. There is really no way around the conversation being extremely awkward, but she does deserve to know ######
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My cat eats meals and only gets a certain amount of food a day. He acts like he’s starving all the time. I even brought him to the vet and the vet said he was the perfect weight and he wasn’t sick, he just likes to eat. And if he ate more he would be fat.
My family thinks that the cat is not getting enough to eat. They try to sneak him food behind my back. I tell him he’s getting plenty to eat but they say it’s cruel to leave a cat feeling this hungry, he’s begging food off people and looking for food all the time. They think he should be eating more, at least another can of food at lunchtime, and again I’m being cruel to him and not giving him what his body needs.
AITA? ######
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NTA. If the vet says he’s healthy keep doing what you’re doing.
There are cats that you can leave food out for and they will eat only when hungry... and then you have chonko cats who feel the need to eat everything in front of them.
Your cat meows and cries because he KNOWS someone will feed him. They’re reinforcing that behavior. When he gets whiny try distracting with playtime or toys or catnip or pets rather than food. ######
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This argument happened over FaceTime but it was pretty big and my dad is furious at me and has been sending angry text messages so I’m taking it here.
I (32M) was FaceTiming my dad (57M) and his girlfriend (27F) on Tuesday when they surprised me that my dad had proposed. I don’t like my dads girlfriend and to be honest I think she’s only with him because he’s fairly well off. My dad cheated on my mum with the girlfriend and I’ve heard she was pretty ruthless in going after my dad and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I held my tongue and congratulated them and that was that.
Later that day I was skimming Facebook and his girlfriend has written this long Facebook post saying how excited she was to be getting married and that after 10 years together, she didn’t think he’d ever propose, how it had been a difficult start and lots of people didn’t accept their relationship (no shit, he was married) but she hopes everyone can be happy and accept they’re in love.
This pissed me off. She didn’t accept my parents were in love when she pursued my dad did she? So I commented saying maybe she would’ve been engaged before now if she had started dating a single man instead of running after married men.
My dad FaceTimed me this morning and BLEW UP saying he’d noticed his girlfriend upset and she’d eventually said something. Apparently she deleted the status but lots of people saw it. My dad is furious at me and says I need to apologise. I probably didn’t help by asking if she would apologise to me for ruining my family and destroying my mother.
My dad is now saying unless the next thing he hears from me is an apology, he doesn’t want to hear from me. I mentioned this to my girlfriend (32F) and she’s very diplomatic and doesn’t say anyone is an asshole so I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong and should just apologise.
AITA? ######
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NTA. If the girlfriend can shamelessly publicly post like that after all they’ve done, then she deserves the post to be exposed like that. People who can cheat that badly don’t deserve the benefit of doubt.
10 years?? Doesn’t that mean that she was 17 and your dad was 47??? ######
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i like to play guitar a lot. lately, ive been playing it more than usual because ive had time off. im not sure why, but my girlfriend isnt the biggest fan of me playing. maybe she just things im bad at it lol but usually when im playing, she’s upstairs anyway. i know its not because she wants me to spend time with her instead because every time i try to spend time with her shes on her phone. anyway, today i came home from publix and as soon as i came in, i saw she had thrown it down the stairs. there were no major damages (two of the strings popped, and the body has a hole in the bottom) and i know its just a stupid instrument but i feel like she shouldnt be throwing my stuff around so i told her to go home and i havent been talking to her. ######
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NTA. If someone you're in a relationship has no problem treating your possessions like trash, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.
Also, if she never wants to spend time with you anyway and would rather just use her phone, why are you two even dating? ######
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I got a Johnny Walker black label I usually share with people that don't like whiskey or wanna mix it with coke.
I currently live overseas so I only have a couple of bottles of a bourbon I particularly like. It's very expensive where I live and I don't know when I'll be able to go back to the States to get more.
WIBTA if I tell my friend she can't have my bourbon if she mixes it? ######
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NTA. If someone told me this is super expensive liquor and I don’t share, I’d shrug and say ok. Ok well I would maybe ask if I could try the tinsiest sip to say I’ve tried it, but I wouldn’t be pissed if that was a no. Alcohol is expensive!! Though if you offer and she says “yeah with coke” and then you say “oh you can’t have it then” that comes off pretentious and a bit rude. Ask how they take their whiskey first before deciding which to offer. ######
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My daughter (preteen age) loves this TV show (I’m going to be vague for anonymity) and I applied on a whim. We got invited on the show and did some fun competitions for an episode. We didn’t win but my daughter still talks about it all the time.
My daughters father is not very involved. He shows up with ridiculous presents every once in a while but we don’t hear from him unless I encourage my daughter to call him. If it weren’t for his child support check showing up once a month, I wouldn’t know if he was dead or alive. He and I don’t talk.
I didn’t tell him about the show. The way I see it is that I have full legal and physical custody of my daughter and I don’t need his permission for anything. However, he found out about the show from his father (my daughter told him) and called me yelling at me for taking her on the show and not asking for his consent. He accused me of exploiting her for fame and misusing his child support. I ended up hanging up on him because he wouldn’t stop yelling. Am I the asshole for taking her on the show without telling or asking him? ######
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NTA. If someone isn't involved with the kid, they aren't involved in decisions regarding the kid. It sounds like your daughter enjoyed it and she is happy about the experience. That's the only person's opinion who should matter in this case. ######
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Sorry this is long ... Anyway, I was once happily married with a newborn baby.
My sister on the other hand is a heroin addict and found herself evicted from her house and child services found her children malnourished and emaciated after having missed 92 days of school so they were taken from her.
So I took her into my home.
Once there, I had a long heart to heart with her and I told her I was going to pay for her to go to rehab. I took out a hefty personal loan to fund this, which I am still paying off.
After her stint in rehab she had to be signed into the care of somebody who was responsible for keeping her clean, once again I was all too happy to do it. The day she came home with me, she prostituted herself to my husband for drug money and overdosed that day.
My marriage effectively ended and she ended up dating him for several months!
7 years have passed now and I have heard from my family that she has now turned her life around and is a strong member of her local church and has even been baptized. They have been hounding me and hounding me that I should reach out to her and try to mend our relationship.
Im just not buying it. I feel like this is all just an angle she's playing and she hasn't changed at all, but now it's like I'm the asshole for not reaching out to the woman who destroyed my life because "she's changed" ######
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NTA. If she’s so “changed” she should be reaching out to you begging for forgiveness! ######
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During high school, I (F) was experimenting with my style and found that I was more comfortable in men's clothing. I started wearing suites a lot and love colorful ties and bow ties. My Mum is super conservative and obsessed with gender roles and went a while where she couldn't look at me without crying. When I decided to shave my head she wouldn't even look at me.
Eventually I started seeing her again but she is always twitchy and nervous, solely due to the fact that I was wearing men's clothing. She refused to even talk to me until I took my tie off, which is really upsetting to me, and I was tired of bending to her whims, so I told her that I would not take my tie off unless she took her bracelet off, which she was visibly hurt by. She said that I was being unreasonable and silly, and that she just needed time, yet she has had over two years by now. She still won't even call me by the correct name.
I feel guilty whenever I kind of prod her into accepting me, because she seems so fundamentally hurt by who I am. AITA for not wearing women's clothing around her and making her take off something if she wants me to take my tie off? ######
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NTA. If she's hurt by who you are, she's the problem. You shouldn't have to comprimise. You're not prodding her into accepting you, she's trying to change you. ######
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I have a friend who i found out some time ago to be an anti-vaxxer and unvaccinated, believing that vaccination causes autism and that they dont want "chemicals" in her future kids. Ive tried over multiple occasions to tell them that these beliefs are not true when the subject is brought up by them, but they never listen or believe what i say.
​
Some of the things about this that annoyed me at the beginning was her refusal to get shots for her overseas travels and she gets sick at the drop of a hat. Whenever i see her she always says shes just coming off a cold or flu, which annoys me because she doesnt stop to consider myself catching a cold from her or anyone else when were out. She is constantly sick in some way or form.
​
But some of the more recent concerns i have had was her declaration that she wanted kids in the future (she is still single and young) and for them to be un-vaccinated for the above reasons.
They also started to expand their side job and she is within contact newborns and young kids, which made me uncomfortable due to these kids being at risk to catching her colds let alone anything else she could contract on her travels at some point.
​
WIBTA if i told her that she shouldnt have or work with kids if shes an antivaxxer/not vaccinated? ######
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NTA. If she works in the facility near babies and kids I think you should report to her place of work that she admired to not have been vaccinated. If her place of work even cares about this. Bc here not being vaccinated can lead to those kids and babies losing their lives... it her choice of not vaccinated. If you want you can show her those facebook groups of people who regret never vaccinating their kids and themselves after loosing their own kids due to the other kid carrying a preventable diseases that they passed along to their baby siblings or parents doing that to their babies/kids. I didn’t stay in that page long it’s just heartbreaking. ######
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So, my Ex has been kind of rude and inconsiderate to me even before we broke up. She decided to cheat on me while i was mourning the loss of my Dad and during the week of my birthday (sucks ass) her "birthday present" to me was telling me in detail about her fucking 3 guys that week. I know it sounds crazy and like it belongs in thathappened, but bear with me.
So onto the story: Last week I looked at my bank account and noticed that a charge had been made for close to $40 of wendys on Postmates. The only person that could have done it was this Ex. I called them up to ask, what the hey man, they said, "oh yeah that was me lol" and trash talked me to her friends that were with her while I was on the phone. I just wanted the $40 back, wasn't rude just wanted a refund. I tried to get in contact with her on multiple platforms, where she read the messages and ignored them. I ended up calling my bank to report it as fraud and gave them my ex's info.
I low-key feel like the asshole as she may lose her job over this. She works at a bank. My S/O has told me that, she's a grown woman and knows better than to use other people's info, ESPECIALLY if they work at a bank.
AITA?
TL,DR: my ex used my credit cart to buy $40 dollars worth of food, refused to pay me back. I reported her for fraud and not feel like TA cuz she may lose her job. ######
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NTA. If she works at a bank she definitely knows better. ######
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I live with three roommates, were supposed to split bills four ways. Not my ideal living situation but I was unexpectedly moving after a breakup.
One of my roommates, Lucy, has not paid her share of the electric bill in months, she says she just hasn't gotten around to setting up the service (venmo) we all use to pay our shares to me, so I can pay the bill.
Every time I ask for money, she has an excuse. She can't set up venmo, since her phone is dying. She doesn't have cash on her. She can't write me a check because she doesn't have a checkbook. She says she has the money and will get around to sending it.
Last week, I was going to the grocery store and doing some other errands and I asked if anyone wanted a lift for errands. Two of my roommates, Lucy and Anne, said yes.
On the errand run, I had an idea. I know which bank Lucy uses, I saw she had her bank card on her at the store. And wed be coming up by one of their branches. I pulled into the ATM drive through lane and said "Lucy, while we're here, could you get us the $330 you owe for utilities?"
She was like "did you come here just for this?" And I said yeah, I need the money for utilities this month and the last few months.
She got mad at me for tricking her, and I said I wasn't planning it or anything, I was just driving by the bank and remembered she needed to go to the bank to get me utilities money.
The cars behind us started honking and getting impatient and Anne was saying to just withdraw the money so we could go. Because it seemed like OP wasn't going till she did.
Lucy did, and we went home. But later, she got really mad at me and Anne, saying the way we'd pushed her for money at the atm was practically like a robbery.
I feel like it wasn't, like there were no threats or anything.
AITA for tricking my roommate to going to the ATM to get utilitiy money she owed us? ######
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NTA. If she was sincere about paying her share she'd have been thankful for that reminder. The fact that she got pissed off meant that she never intended to pay her share. Ain't nobody got time for leeches.
Edit: Thanks for the award! ######
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For context, this is on discord. I’m 18 and my little sister is 12. I recently came upon a server that she’s in, and found out that she had been telling people she was 17. That really didn’t sit right with me, especially considering she was talking to a boy who was 18. They keep flirting and it’s making me worry about her safety, putting herself out there like that when she’s so young. I’ve been thinking about messaging the staff of the server quietly and also telling the boy, but I don’t want to make it a public matter. The reason I’m making this post is that I’m worried that I’ll damage her friendships with people and/or my own relationship with her. I don’t know if this is the right course of action. WIBTA? ######
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NTA. If she was just claiming to be 13 to get round discord's age limit I'd tell you to leave it but claiming to be 17 and flirting with an adult is too dangerous for her to be allowed to continue. Both for her and for the guy. ######
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So a few months ago my Gf had to get a skin lesion cut out. Just removing an infection about the size of a dime then stitching it back up. She asked me about a week before if I would go with her. I told her I don’t think so because I had just started my last semester of college and had class at the time. She said okay, but a few days later made me feel bad for not volunteering to go with her, so I made arrangements to skip class.
Till this day she still shames me for being selfish saying that the fact that I initially didn’t want to skip class is a reflection of my bad character.
AITA ?? ######
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NTA. If she wants you to come to her doctor's appointments (or anything else) then she needs to schedule it for a time that works for both of you.
It's a huge display of immaturity for her to still try to hold this against you. Next time she brings it up you should ask her why this is her go to incident.
Talk it out with her. Maybe she was really scared and didn't have the words to tell you how important it was for you to be there. Maybe she just thinks that you are wrong. Maybe she thinks you aren't supportive of her. But you would be better off if you found out her reasoning and asked her to discuss what she's trying to accomplish by bringing that back up again and again. She probably feels like it's an unresolved or ongoing issue in your relationship.
But if it bothers you then you need to either find a way to resolve this or back out of the relationship. Because what she is doing is not right. And if you guys can't resolve this now then it's going to continue to be a problem later. ######
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My husband and I adopted our oldest son in 2016, and biologically he is my husband's nephew (his mom is my husband's sister). Anyway, she had been making poor life choices for quite some time, but it ultimately came to a head in 2014, when her drug usage caused her to lose all of her kids. She went to prison for a while, and when she got out and reached out to us, we asked our son if he wanted to talk to her (he's gonna be 18 at the end of this year, he was definitely old enough to understand and make the choice.) He said yes, and they had phone and letter contact until about a year ago, when we finally let them meet in person (supervised). She was staying clean and generally doing good for herself for a while, to the point where my son was actually kinda proud of her. Then she got with a guy that is just terrible, and entered a downward spiral from there.
She stopped trying to get ahold of my son frequently, if at all. He never talked to me about how it made him feel, and I never pushed it as he doesn't react positively to that sort of thing. Then Mother's Day rolled around. I hadn't expected him to say anything to me, seeing as how I'm not his bio mom and he knows it. He went out of his way to find me before I left for work (he was staying at his girlfriend's house the night before), told me happy mothers day and gave me a huge hug.
I thought it was awesome. I had a great day and after I got home from work I had a text from his bio mom. "Happy mothers day tell [name] that I love him have him call me sometime"
She nows how to get ahold of him. She just chose not to contact him directly, and when I asked him if he told her happy mother's day, he just said "no".
My husband is a little mad that I didnt prod him to tell her, and my parents told me "well thats still his mom", but I dont see the need to make him solely responsible for maintaining a relationship he doesnt want in the first place.
AITA? ######
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NTA. If she wants to have a relationship with her bio son, then she needs to put in the work. And if he wants nothing to do with her? Then that's his business. ######
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My daughter is 16 and recently has watched several documentaries, read a few books, medical journals and has come to the conclusion that she wants to become a vegetarian. My husband and I support this, however the rest of us are not vegetarians. We don’t make carnivorous meals every night, but I would say at least 5 out of 7 days a week. I always have what would be a vegetarian side dish, but I am also not a short order cook. I said she can come grocery shopping with me, I’ll buy the food, cook books, etc, and on nights we’re eating meat, she can cook her own food.
This upset my daughter. She says her siblings don’t have to cook their own dinner, why should she? I said because they’re eating what I’m making in the first place. She said that this was “favoritism” but agreed. My husband thinks I should cook for her, but he doesn’t cook the meals in this house, I do.
Am I being unfair here? ######
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NTA. If she wants to eat a different diet from the rest of the family, then she needs to make her own meals. I went through the same thing as a teenager, and it was no big deal. It actually helped foster a love for cooking and got me ready for the big wide world. ######
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(On mobile, sorry for any formatting issues. Also I talk about going out, but this was pre-covid. She just brought it up to me recently, and I wanted some other opinions.)
I (25f) love my sister (35) a lot, but sometimes when we go out she likes to tell people we're sisters and have them guess how old we are. At first this didn't bother me, but she does it any time we go out and people want to talk to us.
I'm not afraid of aging or getting wrinkles. She's always been very self conscious about her looks and is afraid of looking "old." She has had botox/fillers (not sure the difference?) to hide some of her wrinkles. She also layers on the makeup and has had her brows microbladed. I wear makeup also, but I don't go to a lot of effort to hide blemishes/under eye circles. I just like having fun eyeshadow and lipstick on.
Since getting her fillers, people will guess that we're closer in age. The last time this happened, someone thought she was younger than me. She immediately began to tease me about looking older. I wasn't wearing any makeup and hadn't made much of an effort to look cute because I'd had a busy day and was tired. I kind of lost my temper and told the guy her actual age and that she got Botox to hide her forehead wrinkles.
We argued about it. She said I was jealous and childish. I said she was self obsessed and that I didn't appreciate this age game she likes to play with people. She told me if I put more effort into my looks, I wouldn't have to worry about it. I stopped wanting to hang out with her after that, and then with covid, I haven't had to worry about it.
Recently she brought this up in conversation and asked if I was still mad about it. I said no, and asked if she was since she brought it up. She said yes, and that I owed her an apology. I don't think I do.
TL;DR: AITA for telling a stranger that my sister who is older than me only looks young because she's had botox after she made fun of my appearance? ######
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NTA. If she wants to constantly play that weird age game then she had it coming. Especially when she basically shamed you afterwards too. Seems like she got real full of herself after that surgery ######
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I recently finished my internship and I offered them to hire me. I enjoyed my time there and hoped I could earn some extra money over the holiday season. My boss and colleagues liked to keep me but the management insisted that they would not hire anybody.
Fast forward to this weekend. I get a message from my boss that he needed my help for 4 days( Tuesday to Friday) and that I could have somebody to help me. Details would be discussed on Monday.
Job would be simple and anybody could do it from home.
That weekend, we were sitting with our group of friends and this comes up. A friend(girl) says that she has plenty of time and can help me out. I write it down.
The next day I tell my own girlfriend that I may have some work. It would depend on what is discussed on Monday. She is kinda excited to work with me. However she also said that she has a barber appointment(1+ hour gone) on Tuesday and work on Friday.
Monday comes up and my boss tells me he needs two people for 4 days. I accepted this and asked the friend that could help for. 4days.
I called my girlfriend with the bad news and now she is sad, disappointed and angry at me.
Am I the asshole for making this choice? ######
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NTA. If she wanted work, she could have easily rescheduled appointments. Medical appointments, I could empathize as there is often a long wait for those. But hair appointments? Nope. ######
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My wife has wanted a vegetable garden in our backyard. Now that it's starting to warm up I thought I would try to tackle something this weekend. I did some research online, looked up some designs, and tried to show my wife to get her input. She would only give me short answers and told me just to make something nice and show her when I had a plan. I mapped out our backyard and did some measurements, started planting some flags so she had a frame of reference, and called her out to the backyard to talk to her. The entire time I was trying to show her the design and get her opinions she was either on her phone, playing with our dog, playing with our kids, or just being randomly inattentive ("oh I like the flowers the neighbors planted"). I got fed up and asked her if she wanted a garden or not. She said yes, what I have is fine (she didnt look) and went inside. This morning I went to the store and bought about $200 in tools and supplies (not even building materials to start yet) and when I get home she asks me why I spent so much. I told her I needed the stuff we had and asked her how much she thought we would spend. She told me no more than $500 and I told her that's extremely unrealistic (it's a 15x15 foot garden with fencing surrounding it, gravel paths, and above ground planter boxes). I told her we could have figured this out before I spent $200 if she hadn't blown me off. She told me she didn't and I told her I'm just going to cancel the project and not do it. Am I an asshole here? ######
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NTA. If she wanted a garden badly enough she should have done it herself, and if she expected you to do it then she should have had a very clear conversation with you beforehand on her expectations for said garden. You were just trying to be helpful and give her what she wanted and she was ignoring you. ######
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I just turned 23 last week. My friend said that she would treat me to a meal, so we met up in a mall during the weekends. For context, we make around the same money. She is a rather conservative with money while I am all for spending as long as it's worth.
Originally I wanted to eat Korean BBQ buffet, but my friend said that it was expensive and not worth the price(About $35 per person), so we went to another restaurant of her choice.
Besides the main dish($17), I ordered another soup($6) and strawberry milkshake($6). My friend, after seeing my order, asked me to cancel it off because they are side dishes and desserts not worth the money. She also suggested that I should order chicken salad($12) like her too, as they are healthy and lesser expensive.
It was then that I felt that she is just killing the mood, it isn't even that expensive. I offered to pay for us instead. She started to argue that it was supposed to be her treat but I shut it down and confirmed my order, then tapped into the payment mode scanned my card before she could react, paying for both of us. I told her that it's alright, she could order more, I'll pay and we'd both enjoy our meals together. She did not order anything else.
After the meal she complained that now she had to buy me something for my birthday because I did not let her pay for the meal. I shrugged it off and changed the topic. I sure do hope she doesn't mention it again, but my mother after hearing what I did told me that what I did was really rude and I should apologise to her. Maybe I will, this isn't worth fighting over, but AITA? ######
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NTA. If she only wanted to spend $12 on you for your birthday, that is her business, but she should have either (a) bought you a gift that was $12 (sounds like she couldn't be bothered), (b) taken you somewhere that would never come to more than $12, rather than somewhere you had to order the cheapest thing and no drinks/sides, or (c) at least made it clear that she could only afford to buy your main course/contribute $12 to your meal, without policing what else you were allowed to get. ######
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Obligatory apologies for being a mobile user and the rest of the blah blah blah.
My wife is pregnant with our first child, and I’m very happy. The other day, we’re having a conversation about the family around us and making plans, it was nice. Then it was mentioned about my father, who would obviously be ‘Grandad’ to the bump, and his wife.
A little background; my fathers wife and I do not get along, she’s a bully, and petty, and used to make me miserable to live at home, so much so that I joined the army the day after my birthday as a young teen to get away.
Now, because of this, I said that I didn’t want my children to call her ‘Nan’ but refer to her as her first name, as I do.
My wife says that I shouldn’t be this way, and that I’m an asshole for not wanting to allow our bump to feel like they have a full, supportive family network around them. She also expressed the concern that other kids may poke fun at bump when bump mentions visiting ‘Grandad and Firstname’ rather than ‘Grandad and Nan’
But for me, I feel that a title of privilege like that should be earned, and that she hasn’t show that she should be granted that title.
Am I an asshole? ######
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NTA. If she never liked you and didn’t treat you like a mother, you don’t owe her access to your child and for her to be a nan. My grandpa remarried after my grandma died and she was [first name], not nan. Not out of malicious intent but we didn’t have that kind of relationship. My peers never had trouble understanding that my grandpa’s second wife wasn’t my grandma. ######
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Okay, so I’m writing this on behalf of myself and my housemates (7 of us total). Recently, it was one of my housemate’s birthday and invited a handful of people over including this girl. He let her sleepover at our house along with some others because they were all drunk and would’ve had to drive home.
In the morning, everyone leaves except the one girl. She continues to stay in our house all day- while she knows none of us except the former birthday boy who was passed out all the next day. She wakes up and starts drinking one of my housemates bottles of whiskey without permission and then goes to the grocery store. She buys a handful of random shit like a carton of eggs, cream cheese, coffee creamer, a wrap, a container of sauce. Note that she asked us if we wanted anything before leaving.
She wanders around the house all day and leaves and comes back again and ifs visibly fucked up. She even said to me that she’s been “going all day.” Then finally she gets the hint that it’s weird she’s there bc we don’t know her. She leaves and then has to come back for her phone– again bc she was drunk all day.
We don’t hear from
her until a few days later, she tells the birthday boy that she wants us to venmo her for that shit back. Like dude– we don’t know you, you were fucked up at our house, and left shit. We ate most the groceries so what should be done?
Am i the asshole for not eating the shit / then not venmoing her? ######
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NTA. If she left the stuff in your fridge and she’s some rando girl it’s definitely not your problem. Super weird that she was their all day and drinking and I’m assuming driving?? ######
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My grandmother is a very stubborn person.She never thinks she is wrong and get emotional when I call her out on her behavior.
She loves cooking,its tasty food but there is only so much I can eat, I get full very quickly compared to others in my family. She frequently makes different types of food for us to eat and I politely refuse because I can't eat anymore, but she doesn't take no for an answer and keep telling me to eat it. She wont stop telling me to eat the food. I got mad at yelled at her I told her I am the one who decide what I want to eat and she can't force it down my throat. This made her sad and complained to my mom about my attitude.
I think I am in the wrong but her stubbornness is driving me crazy
AITA? ######
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NTA. If she is trying to force you to eat, when you say no, she is a major ah.
Put her in time out since she wants to be so toxic. Grandma's don't get special treatment. If anything they should listen to you more than your parents, not less. ######
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I (26M) had been dating my girlfriend (23F) for a few months now. We were at her house trying to tidy the attic and then we found some pictures of her as a teenager with some friends. I asked her how popular she was at school. I was quite popular, had a lot of friends, and was just wondering.
What she said turned my mind around. She said she used to have some sort of "mini gang" of friends who were always criticising and insulting this other group of girls. I asked why. She said one of the girls in the other group lost a parent to cancer and had since been upset, not talkative, and randomly crying. She said the girl was a crybaby in a 15 year old's body and should just "get over it". The other girls apparently always were comforting the upset girl. She called them the four teen mums due to their hugs and support.
I was upset about this. I've lost two grandparents to various cancers, and I was very upset when it happened and I understood what it was like to be the girl who was upset. I also didn't think my girlfriend had any remorse or regret for what she had done judging by how she spoke of the girl and her friends. We finished tidying the attic and then I went home later that day.
I had since been only responding to some of her messages, and our country has went in lockdown. When she asked about my constant inactivity, I told her the truth. She was angry and yelled at me on the phone that her past shouldn't matter to me and that the girl shouldn't be important. As someone who has lost loved ones to cancer, I disagree. She has since been cold with me, I have tried talking to her several times and calling her but she just ignores me. AITA? ######
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NTA. If she got to 23 and doesn't understand that her bullying was wrong, she might still be a bully. Red flag. ######
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I (22F) went to visit a friend who needed some help from Thursday morning to Sunday evening. I asked my mom to look after my cat (visit in the evening, feed/give water/scoop litter) while I was gone. I always look after her dog when she's on vacation, so it was fine.
When I came back I found out she had reorganized my kitchen, including the insides of the cabinets. She threw out my 'normal' brush I use to scrub dishes (the one next to the dish soap, on the counter) and dug out my other brush (all the way in the back of the cabinet with cleaning supplies) and had used that to wash her coffee cup thursday to sunday. Apperently she thought it was a back up brush?
Problem is I use that brush for deep cleaning the litter box once a week. She was disgusted (understandably so) when I told her, and wanted me to apologize for not warning her about the brush.
I didn't apologise, she had no reason to go though my cabinets and reorganize my kitchen, she doesn't live here. There was no way she could have used the wrong brush if she didn't insist on snooping.
That was Sunday, we haven't talked very much since then. AITA for not apologising/not telling her? ######
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NTA. If she didn’t decide to rearrange your cupboards then surely she wouldn’t have found the brush? I also don’t understand the logic behind her choosing to use that brush... surely it looked used, as you’ve used it to clean the litter box. So why did a different (clearly used) brush seem better than the one already in the sink? ######
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I (48M) recently won the lottery. Before you congratulate me too much, it was a local state lottery and certainly not a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot. However it is enough to help me buy a moderately priced house and my take care of my debts with enough left over to have an investment account. I don't plan on quitting my job or anything drastic.
My Ex-GF (45F) broke up with me 6 weeks ago. We have been separated since February because of the lock-down. She is in a state with extreme lock-down orders so it is impossible for me to go back. About 6 weeks ago she called me and said it's over, she can't live like this etc. I didn't disagree, and we have been civil since.
Through a mutual friend she found out about my win, and when we talked she called me to discuss what 'we' were going to do with this money. I explained to her I won after we had broken up, and she is mad at me. She also called me stupid for buying lottery tickets int he first place.
Our mutual friend thinks I am the AH, but my family thinks I am in the right. AITA? ######
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NTA. If she didn't give money for the ticket, there is no obligation for anything. That's just pests coming out of the woodwork. ######
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My roommate regularly borrows my car and leaves my car keys in her purse. I had an errand to run and my keys were not on the hook in the kitchen they belong on. I went to look in her purse figuring my keys were in there (they were) and she got mad I looked in her purse. I told her if she didn't want me looking in her purse don't leave my car keys in there and if that was too hard she couldn't borrow my car anymore. So AITA? ######
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NTA. If she can’t be decent enough to return your keys to you or the hook after you’re decent enough to let her borrow your car, you have every right to go looking for your keys when you need them. ######
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Hi- I have a sister who is a few years older than me, and has wanted kids since she was a kid. She wants a small litter of them and is a primary school teacher, and I think one day she will make a great mum.
I, on the other hand, do not like kids. Full stop. I never want to be pregnant, I don't find baby videos cute, and if I were to ever have kids I'd hope to foster and look after older kids to help give them a loving supportive home. I was always told when I was younger that when my aunt fell pregnant I'd love my baby cousin, and even though I 1000% love her so much, I never found her to be cute as a kid and it took until she was about 8 for me to feel like I could try to connect to her. Basically- kids and i don't super mix, regardless of relation.
This is connected to a wee while ago when I was talking to my sister and she was talking about wanting kids and I said to her that I was not going to babysit her kids at least until they were potty-trained.
I said this as a flippant comment, whilst my sister reacted like I'd told her I was going to sacrifice her future babies to satan when they were born.
AITA for not wanting to deal with up to four tiny screaming drooling sticky kids, even though they're going to be related? ######
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NTA. If she can talk about her potential future children, you can talk about your potential future nieces and nephews. ######
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I grew up with "Uncle" and "Aunt" siblings. My brother Rob is 42, my sister Patricia is 39. I am \[Winona\] 20F.
My brother has a 19-year-old daughter \[Gina\] whom I call my sister. We are close. We currently live together and attend the same Uni. We go on a lot of trips together and talk on the phone for hours. She's seriously my best friend.
I have a niece \[Lilly\] and a nephew \[Parker\] who are 8 and 10.
Patricia doesn't take the time to call or get to know me. When we are in the same location, she is really dismissive of my interests. She commonly tells me that I sound like a child when I talk *or* that I need to grow up because it was much harder for her when she was a kid.
We all went on a cruise together two years back. I was 19, Gina was 18, and we spent the whole time doing whatever we wanted and staying up until 3 am. Which was super fun!
At the end of the trip, Gina and I posted all the pictures we took. Most of them were with our parents or people we met on the ship, or just stupid faces together. We also had a lot of landscapes and day trips we did.
I took zero pictures of Patricia and her family. They acted like we weren't there most of the time unless she wanted us to babysit her kids \[which we said no to\].
She got upset when she figured out that we had taken pictures of everyone else and not her family or her kids. She is not big on doing photography herself and claimed \[since we went on some daytrips together\] that I would include her kids. I told her that I didn't feel like she viewed me as a sister so why would I want her in my family pictures.
She cried. ######
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NTA. If pictures were that important to her, she should have brought a camera. And it seemed that she only asks about you if she needs something. ######
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I’m (26F) and almost 7 months pregnant (2 days away), I thankfully still have my job. Sadly my fiancé (32M) was laid off, due to his job not being essential.
I have even taken extra days to be able to support us and still have money when baby comes. Today is day 19 of me working without a day off (my boss always checks in with me to make sure I’m okay and still healthy to work, they are the best).
Fiancé hasn’t been able to get a temporary job, therefore I believe at the very least his job, for the time being, is to keep our place in order and clean. He says it’s both our job. If we weren’t in our current situation he would definitely be right, but I’m not only working all week (and seeing how the “stay at home” order keeps getting extended I might not have a “break” until baby comes)but I’m also almost in my third trimester of pregnancy.
I’ve pretty much have gone through every possible pregnancy symptom, and there is not one day of complete peace, once one symptom finally goes away another pops up to replace it. I believe he is being selfish, that he truly doesn’t understand what I’m going through.
Why is so difficult to keep our place clean, even when it comes to cooking, I HAVE to help him. I get off work and I still can’t relax. Meanwhile when I’m at work I’m sure he is online playing video games with his friends. It’s so infuriating.
It’s come to me constantly snapping at him because he is in his care free world. According to him I’m an asshole, just because I’m working everyday and pregnant doesn’t mean I can’t help him clean. ######
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NTA. If one person works, the other should keep the house running. ######
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I honestly don't know if I did the right thing. I live by myself, and my little sister was over for the weekend, and this has been eating at me, so I need judgment.
My sister (12) was ranting about how she feels her parents (she's my stepsister) always favor our little sibling, and she had _quite_ the list of examples.
Personally, the way her parents, my parent and step parent, made it clear how I was the least favorite child has damaged me quite badly, as in, I needed therapy and all the shit. I wanted to be there for my little sister, so I told her that, while it broke my heart that I cannot fix it for her and she is stuck in the same situation I was stuck in, I know how she feels, and that I felt the exact same way when I was younger, and that I am also seeing that her little sibling is being favored over her, so she is not just imagining things. I told her that I am always there for her, she can call me whenever she needs to vent, and if she really can't take it anymore, she can always schedule to come over to my place to spend a bit of time away from her parents to just let it all out.
I am now wondering if I shouldn't have just tried to affirm her of the fact that her parents love her a lot. As in, I _tried_ talking to them when I was going through it, but they are seriously not aware of the fact that they are treating different children differently, no matter how many examples you have. I mean, I _am_ convinced that they love her, but I just think that they don't realize that they are doing this to their daughter.
I am kinda scared that by telling her that they put me through the same thing, I may have planted a seed that might drive a wedge between them, while it might have been better for her and her parents to just try to smooth it over. So, AITA? ######
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NTA. If nothing else she left the conversation knowing she has an older sibling who loves her and will support her ######
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I've always hated my name because it's really uncommon and my teachers and even some of my friends pronounce it incorrectly (even after several corrections). I eventually got sick of it and researched legal name changes and the procedures and decided to save up for a name change after asking my mum and dad (to which they answered yes).
Last week I told my parents that I'd saved up $300 from chores and my birthday money. I told them that it's more than enough for the name change with post, handling etc. and they told me how proud they were about me being able to handle money like that.
Beginning of this week, I gathered up almost all the ID that I needed and put it in a folder. I couldn't find the envelope with my money so I started asking my parents and they told me they hadn't seen it. I looked all around the house and couldn't find the money. The entire time, my parents just sat there watching me and didn't help look for it when I asked. In the end I just gave up and thought it would turn up some time or another.
This morning my parents took me aside and told me that they needed to tell me something. They said that we'd be going to a ski resort in a few week's time, and that they'd used my money to pay for some of it because "we all need to do our bit because we're a bit tight on money right now". I was furious. I started shouting at them for taking my savings without telling me and using it for something that we didn't even need. They argued that I'm an ungrateful bitch for wanting to change my name that they'd chosen for their little girl and that I'd grown up with it and never complained until now. I left the room and took a walk, during which my parents proceeded to text all our relatives and friends about the incident.
I came back to find my phone blowing up with 200+ messages from my aunts and uncles telling me I should apologise for being so petty and thankless. I have no idea what to do and I haven't talked to my parents since then. So reddit, AITA? ######
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NTA. If money is so tight they have to steal from their kid they should NOT be going to a fucking ski resort. People like this make me sick.
r/narcissisticparents ######
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To preface this, I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a couple months and she has a variety of mental health issues, including severe social anxiety. One thing she has started doing is making this extremely loud high pitched scream whenever she feels emotion, like when she’s very happy, shocked, and as a greeting. It wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t so loud, it stresses me out and hurts my ears whenever she makes the sound, which is dozens of times a day. I ask her every time to stop or at try to be quieter, but she said it’s just instinctual now to do it and can’t/won’t stop and I can tell she doesn’t like it when I tell her to quit. ######
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NTA. If its litterally hurting your ears than she should try to quieter ######
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Recurring situation: live-in BF says he’s going to run to the convenience store that’s about a 2-minute drive from the apartment. Usually asks if I want something to drink, etc.
About half the time he comes right back. The other half, he comes back 30-45 minutes later, sometimes longer. Usually, it’s because he’s buying weed. Sometimes, it’s because he smokes with an acquaintance.
When he returns during these longer trips, I usually make a comment about him taking a while to go so close to home. He usually gets annoyed, then tells me where he’s been.
I’ve told him many times that I don’t care that he’s gone/doing what he needs to do, but I think it’s dishonest to tell me he’s going around the corner and then be gone for up to an hour. He says that it’s controlling that I want to know where he is/ what he’s doing all the time. He also says that he doesn’t tell me when he’s going to his dealer BC he doesn’t want me to be upset with him. The only thing I’ve ever said to him is “But I thought you just bought some yesterday?” Apparently he thinks this comment is unnecessary.
FWIW, he really is buying weed. AITA for thinking this behavior is tantamount to lying/dishonesty—even if it’s over something small? ######
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NTA. If it’s not necessary that you each know where the other is, then I suggest you get up and leave without telling him where you’re going at all and see how he responds when you return a few hours later. ######
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I (33f) am very big on jewelry. I have made myself quite a large collection over the years. I have 4 siblings, 2 sisters 2 brothers. I've recently decided to sell a few pieces that I found myself wearing less and less. They're still beautiful and in perfect condition. From the pieces that I chose to sell I gave a few to my sisters.
Only one of my brothers are married. I guess my SIL found out that I was giving jewelry to my sisters and asked my brother why I didn't give her one. I've never gotten along with my SIL. She knows why, but suddenly seems to forget that when I have a necklace she likes.
I tell my brother I don't want to give her anything. She isn't my sister, and I haven't given my other brother anything also. Brother gets mad that I'm singling out SIL and making her feel left out.
He's still nagging me. I still have the necklace SIL wants, but every phone call I get from my brother makes me want to give it to her less. ######
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NTA. If it's you openly don't get along with her then she shouldn't be expecting a gift from you. ######
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I live with a sibling, we have been roommates for a while. Their luggage broke down years ago, not long before I bought a set for myself for a little over a $110. Since then every time they go out of town they insist on using mine. I personally don't use them often whereas they go out of town a several times a year.
I don't like lending out my luggage in general because I know luggage breaks down the more the suitcases are used. Plus whatever unexpected things may happen beyond the person's control. The set itself was cheap altogether, which makes makes me think they aren't the best of quality in the first place and therefore aren't expected to last long.
I bought the set so that I'd always have them incase I needed them, which sometimes is unexpected. The fact that another person is putting all the miles on something I bought and could wear or break down before I even get my money's worth out of them doesn't sit well with me.
As for the sibling, we share a lot of mutual stuff as "house stuff" but luggage has never been one of them.
AITA for putting my foot down and telling them they can't use luggage on this trip and to get their own. ######
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NTA. If it were only on occasion (once or twice a year) that would be one thing (but its 4 or 5 times a year its reasonable to suggest they get their own luggage. Or perhaps they can buy the set off of you? ######
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Okay, first a little background ... I (21F) live with my boyfriend (25M) in a one bedroom apartment. We technically have a room that could be a second bedroom, but it's very small and currently being used as an office space. We both attend university in DC (undergrad and law school respectively) and have continued to live together while attending classes remotely.
My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend (23F) also happens to be attending school in DC, but because she was living in on-campus accomodations, she was forced to return home to. She and my boyfriend are still friends, and she's evidently told him how difficult she's found attending classes online with her family's shaky internet and the time difference. She's planning on driving back to DC in the next week to collect her belongings (which is understandably a really long drive). He told me that he was planning on inviting her to stay with us through the summer term. I pretty much told him I wasn't cool with that, and he got mad, telling me I was selfish. So ..... AITA?
EDIT: We split both rent and utilities 50/50! ######
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NTA. If it was me in this situation, I wouldn't allow any exes, his or mine, to live with us. If he insisted, he'd end up with two ex-girlfriends. ######
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I am trying to save a good emergency fund so I can move out of my parent’s house. My brother is 8 years old than me and more established in his career and everything—he wants to buy a house to live in with his fiancée. He knows I have an emergency fund saved (our family is pretty open about money + finances) and he came to me and he asked for $5,000 so he could have enough to make the down payment. I said it was an emergency fund and I didn’t want to delay moving out because it took a while to save up that money. He said it’s not a big deal and he can pay it back in two months. I said no again and he went and told our parents, and they said that I’m living in their house so I should pay my brother the $5,000 as rent to them back-dated. I said that we’d never talked about rent and this was being sprung on me and I don’t understand, if they want me to move out, why they want me to give up my emergency fund. I said that if he can’t afford the down payment then how is he going to pay for the house and they all groaned and rolled their eyes, my dad said “what have you been reading, money self help books?” And pointed out family helps each other. I would be happy to help if I thought I could give it up without missing it but I think I would, if he took the $5,000 I wouldn’t be able to afford to even pay my deductible for health insurance if I got hurt and my parents definitely aren’t paying for that. So AITA ######
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NTA. If it only takes him 2 months to make that much, then he can wait 2 months to buy a house ######
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Hello! Longtime listener, first time caller.
I (29m) work a property management job that I hate. I have to evict people and we’re in the midst of a pandemic. It’s really soul destroying.
I got a message from an old friend that offered me a job once he purchased a new business to oversee two similar stores and run them how I see fit. This would still be considered a small business and, as previously referenced, we are in the middle of hard times. I wanted to make sure that I had some concrete evidence that this was a secure move before I brought it to my fiancé’s (29f) attention, so I asked do profit and loss reports to ascertain if this was a good idea.
Turns out the second store net $100k last year in a pretty small town and their sales etc. are doing well this year, in spite of the chaos. At this point I felt comfortable enough to at least put it on my fiancé’s radar. My best friend, my fiancé and I went to a nice dinner last night and I brought it up. She was PISSED. She said that if something like that happened to her, she’d have “called me same day on her lunch break, this just makes her feel like I keep stuff from her” and all this stuff.
We have a pretty rigid schedule with our budget as we are trying to buy our first home by the end of next year. This job change would further advance those goals, but knowing how she is about details and thorough questions, I elected to wait until I had enough info to give her and she was not pleased.
AITA? ######
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NTA. If it hadn't worked out, both of you would be devastated. Instead, you took the logical move to see whether it might be a good idea. As far as I see, you haven't made the decision to change the job without her. If you had it would be reasonable that she could be angry since you have both planned goals and changes in job affect that. ######
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This is more of an “Are *We* The Assholes”, because I’m speaking for everyone participating minus the friend in question.
We’re currently in the early stages of planning our trip to Japan for next year (fingers crossed things are safe enough by then). This will be our second group trip to Japan, the first one being last year (which the friend in question chose not to come on, and even openly doubted that we’d be capable of successfully organizing it).
Anyway, now that the planning stage is upon us again, he’s decided that he wants to come this time, and took the liberty of inviting his girlfriend along without consulting any of us first.
This left pretty much all of us with a sour taste; not because we don’t like his girlfriend’s company, but because, like the last trip obviously was, this trip was also conceptualized as a guys trip. So today I volunteered to be the one to speak up about it to him, and he’s not taking it so smoothly.
I tried not to be blatantly confrontational; I said that although this was meant to be a guys trip, we still don’t want to tell anyone they can’t come. So we want to try and find a middle ground, and we think that there should be another Airbnb separate from the guys Airbnb so that everyone’s comfortable. And that we can still plan our outings together etc.
He doesn’t seem to understand that what he wants to do conflicts with our collective intention of having a guys trip, and has objected to all our reasoning. I feel like we’re not in the wrong at the end of the day, but I’m trying to keep an open mind to different perspectives in case there’s somehow something that I’m missing here. Thanks for your time ######
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NTA. If I was the only woman going on a vacation I would for sure feel more comfortable renting a place with my significant other for just ourselves. ######
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Okay so I realize this sounds like the plot to a porno with a mom walking in on her son but I couldn't think of a better way to write this. Basically I went upstairs to my son's room to ask what he felt for supper, I knocked on the door a few times and called his name but got no answer. I assumed he was asleep so I opened the door to walk him up and there he was with his pants down and noise cancelling headphones on. He yelled at me and told me that I should have known not to come into his room but personally I feel I did everything I could, I knocked several times, called his name and only opened the door when he wouldn't answer me. Should I have just left the door called and waited for him to eventually come out? ######
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NTA. If I was a parent and got no answer from my kid after knocking a few times, I would absolutely enter the room. You might fear the worst. Or maybe I'm just neurotic.
Either way, he'll get over it. He'll laugh about it with his mates in a couple of years. ######
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Before I start, I'm F18 and all the people in the story are around my age. Also, english is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes.
So, not while ago, this guy (M20 I think??) followed me on IG, and we had some mutual followers so I decided to follow him back. Soon after that I got a message from him saying he wants to hook up and a photo (dickpic). I immediately blocked him, of course. But because it wasn't the first message like that I've received, and I'm seriously annoyed with how some guys think they can do whatever they want without consequences, I decided to try something dfferent. With a little research, I found his mom on FB, and decided to message her. I apologized for messaging her out of the blue, and aksed (just to make sure I got the right person) if he was her son, with a picture of him. When she answers, I plan on telling her about the dickpic. She still didn't see the message though, so I guess she won't see it at all (probably because we aren't friends on FB and she doesn't know about the Message request thingy). But that's not the point now. Some of our mutual friends are calling me an asshole because I did that, telling me I overreacted, that I embarrassed him and that it was not such a big deal.
Right now I'm not sure if I did a right thing.
So, AITA? ######
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NTA. If his mother would be ashamed of his actions that speaks to his assholeness, not yours. ######
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Throwaway and fake names
A couple of my friends hung out recently (where we live in a place with less than a hundred cases and masks are still required)
One of my friends, Dylan came with his new girlfriend Ann, who happens to be black, to introduce us to her which we were all fine with and knew beforehand.
I’m more of an introverted person and Ann is the opposite. When met for lunch, she was loud and boisterous. She spoke over people, yelled at the staff, *reached over to my plate*,and at one point she even tried to dance on the table.
I found it all very inappropriate and didn’t talk much for the rest of our lunch. Dylan kept on excusing her behavior throughout and my other friends didn’t seem to mind.
When Dylan asked us what I thought about her I told the truth half jokingly and said she was a bit noisy and rude and I personally wouldn’t want to hang out with her. I did clarify that she might be a nice girl but our personalities would clash.
Dylan got really upset with this, and accused me of being racist and calling his girlfriend ghetto. A couple of my friends supported this, and I tried to explain that I didn’t like her because of her personality not her race but they seem to believe that the two are somehow intertwined. He’s acting like I dislike her BECAUSE she’s black and like I can’t dislike a black person because I’m white.
I was going to let it slide and apologize until Dylan said something along the lines of, “she can’t help it, that’s how they are” which I thought was racist to stereotype and told him so.
I left soon after and I’ve been getting nonstop calls from my friend group, telling me that I’m the scum of the earth and I should apologize with one of them even going on twitter to post about exposing the racists in your friend group.
I believe I did not do anything racist but I need an outside perspective. AITA? ######
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NTA. If his girlfriend were white but with the same personality, you would react the same. Also, I agree with you on Dylan being racist in stereotyping black women. ######
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Am I about to rant over a muffin? Yes! I live in a pretty big household. I have 6 other siblings. So when my sisters made muffins last night, I’d already eaten so I decided I wanted one for the morning. But I knew my siblings would’ve eaten them all by the time I woke up and didn’t feel like risking it. So I hid one with my brothers baby food. Sure enough waking up this morning I was correct, the muffins were all gone but the one I hid was still there. I ate it, and that was that. Like an hour later my step dad came in and asked “do you know who hid a muffin?” And I said it was me, I didn’t see it as that big of a deal. Well, he pulls up a video on his phone of him LICKING THE FUCKING MUFFIN and putting it back, I was disgusted. I then heard him and my mom talking about how that’s what I get for hiding food, which is actually very hypocritical because they have entire cabinet of their own hidden food that we aren’t allowed to touch. It’s not like I took someone’s muffin by hiding it, all my siblings were able to have 2, I just wanted one. Now I’m pissed at my step dad and he doesn’t understand why.
TDLR; I hid a muffin, my stepdad licked it and put it back, and showed me a video of him licking it after I ate it. Now I’m pissed
Side note: I realize the post is stupid, I know it’s stupid situation. But personally, I don’t enjoy eating food that has been touched, licked, or spit on by others. So why not rant about it 😂 ######
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NTA. If he's punishing kids for "hiding food" sounds like he needs to do a better job providing enough for everyone. ######
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I (26f) and my fiancé (27m) moved out of my father's house. Now to get context.
My father was not really a father to me growing up. He would mentally abuse me and sometimes verbally. We even got into fist fights.
My fiancé moved and my father tried playing "I'm a good guy". A week later, when the lockdown starte, he started showing his true colours. When my fiancé nor my dad could work, I begged for food parcels and so did my fiancé. My father refused to beg.
Then my fiancé found another job and began our search for a different place to stay. In the meantime, my father was also getting money in from asking friends and family but that money never went into the house. No food bought etc. My fiancé spent most of his money making sure we atleast have enough to eat till the next food parcel. My father was enjoying his chips and sweets.
We found a place and moved out immediately. I had also went and changed the address for the food parcels. My stepmom asked me if the food parcel is going to go to them and I said that dad needs to apply for the food parcel. They aren't happy with it.
AITA for changing the address to the food parcels? ######
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NTA. If he's not ready to do anything to get food, why should you be responsible for it. Especially if he's such a dick towards you (and has been for a long time). ######
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Well... My ex and I divorced and I moved away with my two oldest kids and our youngest. We split up because he is a workaholic and doesn’t want to engage in any kind of family activity.
I had a cat when we met and he lied about being allergic, so I had to give up the cat when we moved in together.
Now that we moved away, I got a kitten and we all love it so much, but, my ex refuses to visit his daughter here bc of the cat. He refuses to take any allergy meds, just because?? We can come visit him, but he only has time late in the evening once in a while because of his work. Before we got the cat, he came once a month aprox.
AITA for getting the cat? Just be honest. I knew he was allergic, but I thought he would be open to take allergy meds. Now he wants me to get rid of the cat or he won’t see his daugther anymore. ######
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NTA. If he's crappy enough of a dad to refuse to visit your daughter (or even just pick her up from the house) because you have a cat, then she's probably better off without him. He no longer lives with you and doesn't get a say in what pets you have. Enjoy your sweet little kitten. ######
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My (31m) oldest brother (49m) is installing a deck on our parents house. It's obvious even to a kindergartner that the posts are crooked. And the entire deck is crooked. Almost a entire foot.
I told both of our parents about it. Showed them. Neither will say anything to him.
I didnt help yesterday because i was busy and i helped all last weekend while he watched us unload all the lumber. He disagreed with me when i wanted to lay the lumber on a flat surface so it won't bow because it was 15 feet further to carry it. Even though he wasnt carrying it AT all.
After he left I went out to see everything and noticed the center poles are WAY crooked. I measured and found they are 10 INCHES difference between the front and the back. Now when you look at even the basic framing you can tell it is crooked.
I waited for him to show up today and casually brought it up. He says it doesnt matter. I showed him the joist that is only 3" on the beam that he put in (it's hanging over the other beam 16 1/4")and he lost his shit. Telling me it was my fault because i didnt help yesterday. When i checked to see what was going on around noon there were 5 people standing around.
He yelled at me after i told him to lower his voice over 4 times. Telling to just go away. So i did. Fuck it. He called me a "hot shot" because i was measuring things.
So be honest please. AITA? ######
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NTA. If he were hanging a picture crooked? Fine, doesn't hurt anyone. But when you're literally building something on to the house? Yeah, that should probably be done the right way. ######
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I (18) still live with my parents at home due to studying. I work away for a week every other week. As soon as I leave for work my brother (24M) decides to come in my room and set up camp with his playstation, TV, chair, ETC. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t mind but I’ve recently finished decorating, spending £1000+ so it looked nice. He treats the place with no respect and doesn’t ask me to even go in there. Last week I came home from work and he had his TV set up on my glass desk, as well as his playstation. I’m not even sure if the glass can withstand the weight, I’ve told him this but he still persists. He leaves his cups and plates with food and drink to go mouldy and leaves stains all over my desk and floor , also my clean clothes were thrown on the floor. It’s not a nice thing to expect to come home to a clean room the way I left it and find it trashed with him not even caring. I’ve lost count how many times this has happened and he still doesn’t listen so I’ve decided to put a lock on my door so I can be sure to come home to my room the way I left it. My friends agree with me but my parents think I’m an AH for doing this as they believe I should just leave him be and that I’m over reacting. AITA? ######
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NTA. If he wants to use your room he has to treat it with respect.
INFO: why does he feel the need to use your room? ######
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This happened last year, before this craziness, but my ex is still angry about it.
My son is in high school. His school has a heavily discounted drivers ed program that they run twice a year, once in the fall and once in the spring. My son's father and I agreed that he would take that program because it was designed around school hours and much less expensive. My son qualified to take the program in the spring, and could get his license at the beginning of June. If he didn't take it in the spring, he couldn't get his license until January.
My son lives with me most of the time and goes to his dad's every other weekend. While he was at his dad's, he was picking on his half sister and his dad decided to punish him by telling him he couldn't take drivers ed until the fall. He did not consult me on this.
I was very upset when he told me this and asked him to change the punishment. He refused because he felt he would undermine his own authority. I pointed out that this punishment made my life harder, because that was 6 more months that I would have to drive him to school, extracurriculars, friends' houses etc. He still refused to change the punishment, so I told him that I was going to pay for drivers ed on my own. I was very frustrated that he wouldn't work with me, especially because I have made sure that my punishments in the past haven't affected his relationships with his father. For example, I don't take away his cell phone because he texts with his dad during the week.
When my son came back to my house, I told him that he could still take driver's ed but he would still not be able to have friends over for a week as his new punishment. He has since been in contact with his father much less and his father blames me for undermining him and letting him take drivers ed anyway. Am I the asshole for undermining my ex? ######
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NTA. If he wants to punish your kid in a way that impacts you, he needs to consult you first. Hell, this would punish you more than your kid! ######
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My husband has been temporarily laid off. Previously he worked full time (overtime, long hours) and I was a stay at home mom by day / worked part time at a restaurant in the evening / finishing my master’s degree at night (my mom often babysat the kids because my husband wouldn’t be home in time). Now my job has closed and my school (one class and a lab) has switched to online. My school is Mon and Wed nights from 5 to 8, it’s an online meeting in which I have to participate and interact.
Since all this, husband and I have split parenting duties pretty decently - I do more but he’s doing better than I expected (this has been a long ongoing fight with us where I feel he doesn’t pull his weight / gets way more free time than me). We take turns waking up with the kids and we each put one kid to bed at night. Last week I was off from school. However yesterday my husband had to feed and put both the kids to bed while I did my class. Tonight I ask him “were you planning on me putting both kids to bed?” And he says yes. I go on to explain I don’t think it’s fair, I’m not relaxing, I’m doing schoolwork and that shouldn’t mean I have to do everything the next night while he gets to sit and play video games all evening and night. He gets visibly angry and tells me *one* class isn’t work and he doesn’t agree so to stop talking but he’ll do it. AITA for not letting him get a “night off”? Because I get 0 of those. ######
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NTA. If he wants a night off then you guys can schedule it so that way another night you get a night off. And school is 100% work and not relaxing time! ######
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Brother and Sister in law are between buying and selling houses. It appears as though the dates of closings aren’t lining up and they are short what they need for the deposit on new place. Brother has asked if I can give them a short term loan of approx 30k for their down payment which they will payback as soon as the other houses closes as they are under contract on both properties.
I said yes, but to have his lawyer draw up a contract stating the terms of the loan. Which are none just that I am loaning X amount of dollars to be repaid by X date.
My brother got all outraged saying “I can’t believe you would ask that, I’m your brother. I didn’t want to borrow money from you because I knew you were going to do this.” Hung up and now is pissed off at me.
Am I the asshole? ######
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NTA. If he intends to pay it back by x date then why would he mind if it was in writing? ######
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We have been together for nearly four years. I'm very adamantly childfree, which he knew prior to us dating, and BC doesn't seem to like me, as I've gotten pregnant on it twice already. I'm not in the US and the only doctor I found who will tie my tubes, being that I'm 23 and don't have any children, wants 17,500 of my local currency, which I can in no way afford. However, men can easily get free vasectomies here.
I've asked him (30m) to get a vasectomy since after my last abortion. He always says no, that I can get surgery on myself if I want, and if I ask why he just laughs and says "my body my choice, you can't force me". I've tried explaining that I would never force him to do anything, but that it would be a quick, nearly painless procedure he could get for free, whereas I'd have to pay a lot of cash we don't have and be laid on my ass for a week, and the most I've gotten is that he will "think about it" because he doesn't want anyone touching him "down there".
I'm currently not on BC because it didn't even work and did make me snappy and gain weight, so we haven't done much lately in the bedroom department. He also doesn't like wearing condoms, he will put one on only if one is on hand but won't get up to get one, and no matter how often I explain, he thinks pulling out is sufficient protection. I feel like an AH for continuing to bring it up, but it would really help my peace of mind so much and I can't help feeling that his refusal means he doesn't care about me as much as he says he does. I mean I'd gladly get a tubal if either of us had the means to pay for it, even if it meant I couldn't get up for a week...But he's also right, it is his body and I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do.
So, AITA? ######
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NTA. If he doesn’t want a surgical procedure done, that’s his choice. If you don’t want to get on BC, that’s your choice. If both of you are on the same page about not wanting kids then you need to find a compromise. Him not wanting to use condoms just because he doesn’t like them when every other method seems to not work, is selfish.
Edit to clarify: He’s the AH for not compromising with atleast a condom, but he is not one for not wanting a vasectomy. ######
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I’m on mobile so sorry
A little background is that and my twin sister(19) currently live in an apartment together and we are half Russian and our mom insisted we learn the language. We are fluent but our little brother(16) isn’t. Our apartment is kind of a Russian zone since we just tend to be more comfortable speaking it with each other.
My parents house partially lit on fire about a week ago and they wanted our brother to stay with us for a bit and we agreed. Tonight while making dinner me and Milan were speaking in Russian and going over the ingredients or asking questions about what to do to each other. Out of nowhere our brother started yelling at how we never included him in anything and rubbed it in his face that we spoke Russian and how we never speak English unless we are talking with him.
I responded by telling him that he chose to quit learning and can ask our mother to teach him again at any point but chose not to. My brother called me an asshole and drove to our aunts house we’re are parents are staying and our dad texted us telling us we shouldn’t be dicks about it and to stop being petty and apologise but personally I feel like what I said was true and okay? So AITA for speaking Russian in front of my brother? ######
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NTA. If he doesn't want to learn Russian, then he doesn't have to but he is in your apartment, you can speak whatever language you want when you are talking to each other ######
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I’ve been dating a guy for about 9 months. I told him today that I purchased (I was about to, it was on back order) a non permanent dance pole or a “stripper pole” to put in my bedroom for fun. It’s elegant, sexy, it’s good exercise and it’s fun. I thought not only would be fun for me as I like dancing, just as a hobby, but also for him because it’s intimate and sexy and he’s told me before he’d like to see me dance for him.
He told me he doesn’t believe that’s why I bought it, that I’m doing it for other men, that he feels like I’m just doing it for attention, that “only certain kinds of women would buy a pole to have in their home” and that he sees me differently now. I feel horrible, I feel stupid. I’ve never done anything to make him feel like I’m seeing other people, that I’d be unfaithful. I just wanted to have fun and be sexy for him, but now I feel like a slut and I’ve ruined everything.
Did I do something wrong? ######
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NTA. If he doesn't trust you now, he never will and you'll be miserable. Get away from him. ######
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Edit: by toilet I mean toilet bowl rim mainly
My(23) boyfriend (30) of 5 months is pretty great and has visited my apartment pretty frequently as of late. He generally picks up after himself ok enough, there is one hug pet peeve that he is aggrrivating. When he uses my toilet ,he regularly leaves pee under the lid on the rim that builds up and causes a smell. It took me a while to realize this is what was happening as he was using my guest bathroom that I'm never in.
He feels that since he's the guest, and he has a medical condition that effects his aim, it's not his responsibility to keep my bathroom clean.
As a girl, I rarely dirty this part of the toilet and it feels gross to have to wipe down the stains so often. I've noticed this with my brother(12) and a male friend that has visited, so idk if it's just a guy thing but I find it pretty gross and disturbing.
How much do you ask frequent guests to clean after themselves? Am I overreacting or is he just being a dick? ######
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NTA. If he can’t stand and aim then sit the fuck down ######
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My brother has been dating "Jenny" since they were 16. They're now 19. They both go to community college part-time. Her dad is a rich doctor and our parents work at a factory. Everyone is cool with each other. My brother was joking that he and Jenny have started having 100% unprotected sex. No condom, no pill. I told him he was a dumbass if he gets her pregnant and he said that's what "we are trying to do, actually." I asked him what he was talking about and he said they want to have a baby and not wait until they're old like her and our parents (they were in their 30's). They know people like our and her parents will not be happy but will support them with a baby. He said "when" it happens they're going to pretend it wasn't planned.
I believe they're trying to have a baby because their lives are so good and a baby will solidify it. I am not saying I agree, but that is their logic and young love is powerful.
I want to tell my parents, especially our dad. What can they do? I don't know, but something is better than nothing. There are no teen parents in our families. ######
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NTA. If both of them are dependent on their parents for food and shelter, then their parents have a right to know about this, as the decision to have a child affects them too.
(Original): Need more info.
First, what's their living situation? Living with parents, separate but on their own, together, what?
Second, how are they doing financially? You said they go to community college "part time", so I assume that means they both have jobs - what sort?
The only reasons I can fathom for you "telling" on them being OK would be if they live with and/or are financially dependent on one (or both) families. If that isn't the case, it's no business of yours whether they want to start a family or not. It might be ill-advised, but it's still their decision. ######
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Today during a Zoom meeting, my colleagues and I were discussing the Pandemic and the topic of Self-Check Outs at Grocery Stores was discussed. I then recalled an incident I had a couple of months ago right before Christmas. Although they were laughing at my story, some of them were saying I was an asshole and disrespecting essential workers. A colleague’s exact words: “Girl, Why you being a bitch?”
I was throwing a party at my home and needed more decorations and etc. So I had a late night visit to the nearby 24/7 Walmart. I went a little crazy and bought literally a cart full of useless crap. As I was waiting in line it became apparent that it was going to take a while as the couple in front of me were using WIC checks and the Cashier was giving attitude and denying what items they could use it for. I was okay with waiting, so I didn’t care. The 2nd cashier closed her register and loudly announced she was going on break. Before long another worker approached me, and this was basically the conversion.
Worker: Please come this way, our self-check out stations are open.
(I hate Self-Check Out and have always refuse to do them)
Me: I’m good. I’ll wait for the cashier. Thanks though.
Worker: But we’re open over here. You can check out yourself.
Me: I don’t mind waiting.
Cashier: (Yelling over the couple) You don’t have to wait. You can check yourself out over there.
Me: I don’t mind waiting. I have a lot of stuff. I rather empty my cart on the belt.
Cashier: Sir, Please move your cart to the self-check out.
(At this point I’m annoyed. The worker was now physical gesturing for me to move and the cashier was no longer checking out the couple.)
Me: I’m sorry. Do I work here? Are you guys offering me a job? (While tipping head to the side)
Basically, security was called and a manger got involved which caused a large line to form and people behind me complaining very loudly.
So Was I? ######
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NTA. If both a cashier and self checkout are options at the store, and you want cashier service, it’s your choice. Some self service setups are just terrible.
I’m usually polite, but If they badgered me like that, I’d also have a sarcastic retort. ######
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My brother and I are extremely close, he got engaged a few months back and we are all happy for him and his fiance. I am also close with his fiance, she is a sweet girl but suffers from chronic migraines at least 4 times a month (these are so bad that she literally just sleeps all day when these hit) and is very depressed.
A couple days back she learned I was hiring and reached out to me to ask if I would consider hiring her as I own a small business. I told her I would think about it but ultimately decided no as her chronic migraines would mean she would not be able to come into work at least 4 times a month meaning I would have to re-distribute her responsibilities to my other employees which is not fair to them.
I told her I would not be hiring her, and she asked me why so I was honest with her and told her that I would not be able to accommodate her for the days she is off as my current employees only get 1 sick day per month. This caused her to throw a fit and explain that her disability is none of my business and that it would not be fair to discriminate against her because of this, she also told my brother this and things have been pretty tense between us although I expect this to blow over.
Am I the asshole for not agreeing to hire her? Laws in my country are very strict to the point where if I hire her I would not be able to let her go because of her disability unless I pay her out. I would essentially be stuck with a part time employee earning full time salary which I can not afford nor do I think is fair to me or my employees. Am I wrong?
EDIT; I feel I should include that I am not just assuming that she will not be showing up to work for at least 4 days. She used to work at a different place that ended up bankrupting because of COVID-19 and throughout her career there she would never go in to work when she had her chronic migraine episodes (because she physically/mentally couldn't). ######
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NTA. If asked again, I would say something along the lines of it would be a conflict of interest for you to hire her because of your personal relationship.
I see another comment that you are paying for SIL's medication for migraines. Is it this same SIL? ######
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I (late 30s M) was visiting an old friend from High School and his wife. I should mention that at the time I had just finished a doctorate in Math -- this is relevant to the story. There were a number of people hanging out. Most of them I knew but my friend's wife's friend Janice ( late 40's F) and her daughter Ellie (maybe 19 F) who i didn't know , were also there. My friend's wife introduced us: "Throwaway, this is my friend Janice and her daughter Ellie. Janice and Ellie this is our friend Throwaway. Throwaway just became a Doctor." Ellie ( the daughter) said "Are you single? I think that I would make an excellent trophy wife." I gave a big dramatic sigh and said "Sadly I'm not the kind of Doctor that gets to marry pretty young things. I'm the kind that teaches calculus to nerds. " Everyone laughed, we chatted a bit and I wandered off to play pool with the guys.
Now the mom and my friends wife seemed fine with what I said but i got a bunch of flak later from a couple of people (who were not even part of the original conversation) who said that it was "gross" that i was " flirting with someone half my age." I thought that this was a ridiculous way to characterize the whole interaction. So AITA? ######
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NTA. If anything the kid was being gross. You got out of the situation without humiliating her. ######
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