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So about a month ago my sister told us she’s infertile. It’s a shame and I feel bad for her but life goes on. I’m the of my generation to have kids in my family, so my parents have been badgering me to send them pictures and videos because they can’t visit.
Yesterday my husband was asleep on the sofa with my son in his arms and the cat sleeping next to him and I thought it was really cute so I took a picture and sent it to the family group chat(my parents, grandma, two brothers and sister). My mom sent a bunch of hearts and my brothers sent one word answers like “cute” and “nice”. My sister didn’t respond and I honestly wasn’t even thinking about her being infertile when I sent it, I mean it’s been a month.
My sister then left a voicemail that was a long rant saying how it was insensitive and rude and I should have thought about what I was sending.
I don’t think I did anything wrong, it’s been a month and the world doesn’t revolve around her, I’m not going to be thinking about her problems all the time. She must see babies all the time on social media.
AItA? ###### | NTA. It's sad that she can't have biological children but she does have a young child she is biologically related to and it's her nephew, your son. Does she want you to suddenly pretend your family doesn't exist because of her news, or would she rather that she was excluded from future family chats because she no longer wishes to acknowledge the existence of her nephew? ###### |
Got some degree of background, I (30F) was pregnant and miscarried. I now have to have the left over tissue removed from my body. I was only 9 weeks at the time, but I’m obviously hormonal and I’m sad.
My husband (31M) was never excited about the pregnancy. To be honest, it was unexpected. We have no other children and weren’t planning on it any time soon.
I scheduled the appointment and asked if he was available during that time. He confirmed he was, but as the conversation continued he kept bringing up how he was trying to make plans with a friend who’s in from out of town for that evening. I told him I didn’t want to do that.
He still wants to go hang out with his friend. Am I just hormonal? Or is it reasonable to expect him to be a source of emotional support after that? He just saw this friend two weeks ago. ###### | NTA. It's reasonable to expect him to be a source of emotional support after that. Whether he was excited about the pregnancy or not is actually beside the point - he's supposed to be there to support the woman he loves while she goes through something difficult.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hang in there. ###### |
Ordered a custom product, told them what I wanted down to the design and colors and paid a design fee. It was a custom gift for my wife and another one for my daughter. A month after it came, they listed the product I had them make for my daughter as a buying option for everyone visiting their site using a photo of my daughters gift as the image on the page. I said something and they refunded my design fee for that product. When they listed the first they decided they would no longer charge the design fee on thing that they would relist or people would pay extra to keep it off their for sale page. Two days after that I check their site and they listed the item I had made for my wife for Mother’s Day. For her it was a personal item and now it’s for sale, no mention of a refund. Feel like i need to take their 5 Star perfect reviews down a notch with a review telling everyone to never have them make something personal. ###### | NTA. It's quite dishonest for a company that claims to let customers personalize products, to use those personalizations to make new products, especially without giving you credit. Maybe they have fine print somewhere that says they reserve the right to do that, but it doesn't make what they are doing any less deceptive.
The gifts you had designed for your daughter and mom are no longer personal, unique. Kind of reminds me of people who steal someone else's tattoo design. ###### |
I (f17) live with my mom and my step dad. my step dad and I have never gotten along, and it's progressively gotten worse as I've gotten older.
he frequently insists that my anxiety and depression issues are fake and I'm doing it because I'm desperate for attention. he says extremely mean things to me, like calling me a charity case, a dick sucking whore, and worse.
as much as I hate him, my mom keeps him around for financial "support"(he blows all his money on stupid things)
my mom says I have no room to complain because he offered to buy me my horse. Although that was a kind gesture, around November he completely cut me off because he says I don't do enough. I am now over 1k in debt with horse bills(board only, my horse has proper vet care).
I recently got a job so I can cut myself off financially from them, and he has tried to manipulate me into quitting. saying things like "your mom needs you to stay here", lying about losing my cats, and telling me I'd be r*ped at work.
today was the straw that broke the camel's back. my mom is very aware of what he puts me through, and she got her government check today. she went out and bought him a new phone "because she wanted to do something nice for him". I explained to her how upset I was because he's done nothing but abuse me.
I think at this point, if she's still with him when I move out. I'd highly consider cutting ties with her.
AITA for feeling like this and thinking about ending the relationship we have? ###### | NTA. It's probably the best thing you can do if she's enabling his emotional and verbal abuse of you. He's trying to get you into the same victim role he has your mom in.
Stay safe! ###### |
So a throwaway account and bit of backstory here, bare with me...
I do almost all the cooking in the house, no problems at all as I enjoy doing it. Every weekend we align what time we're eating etc, additionally I give them notice just before, I (usually) set the table and more often than not I'll be sitting at the table waiting for my wife and kids to come while the food gets cold.
Sometimes they really are just coming from a bath or something, but other times its simply a case of they will start doing something else in the last minute (e.g. jump in the pool just before, start a game etc - this time it was unpacking the dishwasher while dinners on the table) - the usual response is "it'll only take a minute"
Well yesterday evening everyone turned up late again, I don't say anything - my son barely touches his dinner then asks my wife if he can have corn chips instead. She goes to get him a bowl of chips (again I don't say anything but am noticeably annoyed) She asks whats wrong, and I say it's very similar to turning up late to dinner, it shows a lack of respect (towards me) for taking the time to prepare a meal than not eating &/or letting it go cold. My daughter was only eating the roast chicken (nothing else) and my wife says that's just as unhealthy - where I return to say that's rubbish.
She then says "of course you're always right, your opinions always correct etc etc" where I then turn and say this isn't fair in front of the kids, I angrily get up - leave the table & meal half eaten and haven't spoken to her since.
I already know this is being picky, but it bothers me as it feels like a lack of respect - Even if it's not that important, I feel if she knows it bothers me then after so much time she would just prioritize it as its important to me.
So I suppose that's it - AITA? ###### | NTA. It's pretty disrespectful to ignore the effort you've made. Sitting down for dinner should be part of a routine with kids, and parents should reflect that.
Also giving a kid a pack of chips cause they don't want dinner? Not healthy or helpful. ###### |
Over the coming few weeks I've (25f) been tasks with a painting project in the house. That's fine however I have pretty bad ADHD, and not getting side tracked is really hard. On top of that I have sound sensitivity and a macaw who will screech randomly. I find that I can allow myself to stay focused and in the zone if I start quietly listening to podcasts or music with my headphones. That way it drowns out unpredictable noises but it's not so loud that I can't tell if someone is trying to talk to me.
You could say i should just put one headphone in but that splits my focus in too many directions. it also doesn't help drown out the screeching of our macaw.
Mom on the other hand likes to talk. Usually it's about a recipe she wants to make or something she found on facebook. it's rare for it to be about me or the project at hand.
I let her know that I have my headphones in and that I likely won't hear her fully but that doesn't stop her from speaking up randomly. She doesn't try to get my attention first by saying my name, so by the time I put my brush and paint down, and take out my headphones, I miss most of what she's saying and have to ask her to repeat it.
This gets her really annoyed and she tells me to take out my headphones, and to not wear them because she wants to be able to talk to me without worrying if she'll be fully heard.
AITA? ###### | NTA. It's perfectly reasonable to wear headphones when doing something mundane like chores. Your mom is being rather obtuse since she knows you have ADHD, so any reasonable method to cope with it shouldn't be a problem. Just say to her, "Mom, we can either talk, or I can get my chores done. Pick one." ###### |
We are both in our early 20s, together for 2 years and live together
His work schedule is a standard mon-Thursday 8-5. We usually go to bed at very reasonable hours and get good amounts of sleep.
He used to smoke weed in high school/college but stopped when he got a job that required drug testing. He recently got a new job that doesn’t test so he started smoking again.
I have nothing against smoking, but I do have an issue with how it’s changed our lives with each other. He will smoke as soon as he comes home from work, he’ll play some video games, we’ll eat dinner and then he falls asleep. For the past few weeks he’s been falling asleep between 7pm and 9:30pm. The other day he fell asleep right after dinner at 6:30.
The problem is, between dinner and bedtime was our time to hang out with each other. We would watch a movie or hang out or do naughty things. We haven’t done any of that lately because he’s sleeping so early.
The next morning he will wake up groggy and drowsy because he’s sleeping so much. I’ve tried talking to him about it and he says that it’s not because of the weed and if he is sleeping early it’s because he needs it. I told him it’s not normal for him to get 12 hours of sleep and then be tired again at 7pm. Also this didn’t start until he started smoking again.
Now he thinks I’m mad about the weed and I’m sincerely not I just hate the fact that we don’t get any time together anymore and I’m getting very frustrated. AITA for being mad about this? ###### | NTA. It's perfectly reasonable that you want your significant other to spend some time with you, and this is preventing that. Maybe there's another underlying reason for his exhaustion, but to me it seems like this isn't a regular relationship - just cohabitation.
I feel like the real issue here is communication and you fix that, you can solve the other problem ###### |
We are all teens if that changes anything. A few times a week me (male), one other guy, and 3 girls go jogging together. We are all neighbors. Me and the guy don't wear shirts and the girls don't either they just wear their bras.
My girlfriend was reluctant to join but she decided to come once. Afterwards she told me she didn't want me jogging shirtless with other shirtless girls. She said it makes her feel bad because the girls are attractive, have bigger boobs, are wearing short shorts, are showing cleavage, and they might like seeing me shirtless. I reassured her I only want her but she insisted I stop. I refused.
She says she won't break up with me over it but that I'm being an ass by continuing. ###### | NTA. It's perfectly fine to go jogging like that with your friends. Wear what you're comfortable with. Your girlfriend's jealousy shoudn't affect the way that *you* dress. ###### |
Long story short, my boyfriend spends a moderate sized chunk of money on things like patreon and onlyfans so I got annoyed and told him something along the lines of "Why do you spend all this money on random women when I'm right here and we could use this money to go somewhere together", it also makes me feel bad when I see him replying to these models tweets about how hot they are and how he'd love to fuck them, even though we follow each other
Anyway, my comment annoyed him and he snapped at me and said "why the fuck does it matter how much i spend".
Am I being unreasonable with this? I feel ignored because I am here to do all that stuff with if he wants.. ###### | NTA. It's one thing to watch porn. It's another to tell specific people you want to fuck them. ###### |
My parents passed on in the 1990s when I (16M) and my sister (18F) were teenagers. They died when a trucker ran a light and into their stationary car. My sister insisted on splitting the family inheritance as she wanted to elope with her musician bf to NYC and I was forced to move out from our family home, which was sold. Fortunately, we lived in a pretty nice area and along with some insurance payouts we inherited about $800,000 each after taxes/fees.
In the early 2000s, my grandparents passed on and we inherited about $150,000 each.
I lived for 2 years with my grandparents before moving out for college. My money was mostly put into an index fund for me and I went on to finish high school and a STEM degree in college. I graduated, found an honest job, and live a simple single life in the same small city where I was born. A couple of years back, I finally bought a 3-bedroom suburban house while still working as a manager at a local company.
My sister didn't bother to attend college and proceeded to blow her entire inheritance in less than two decades. During that period, she also had two children, worked only occasionally, her bf vanished when the money was gone, and she was arrested for selling drugs repeatedly.
Over the years, I have bailed her out of jail, lent her $$,$$$, and sent presents to her kids who are now almost 20. Neither of her kids are attending college and they are all working in odd jobs. I estimate that I have lent her almost $100,000 to tide over 'hard times' over the years. Money which she has no hope of paying back. While my grandparents were still alive, they also sent her money repeatedly for "their great-grandkids".
Recently, my sister asked if I could pay for movers to move them in with me for "awhile", as she cannot afford to pay rent in NYC any longer, and since I have "two empty bedrooms anyway". She also asked if I could help sponsor her kid's college tuition as they really need it.
AITA for refusing her request? ###### | NTA. It's not your job to finance her poor choices. She's right about one thing--those are **your** two empty bedrooms and you'd like them to stay that way.
Do not invite the drama in because it will *never* move out. ###### |
To paint the picture it's a first generation ipad, which basically has no support for any of their apps anymore including YouTube and most of the app-store apps. The main thing that they can be used for is internet surfing but even then they don't have much proccessing power to load modern websites which take so much power.
I made a reference to this in the description saying that people think they are bricks in 2020 but ive been using it for Spotify which is pre-downloaded. It's not like I'm selling a broken iPad. It can be used as a music hub or even something for a computer enthusiast to jailbreak or whatever they want.
The seller is requesting a return of the item based upon the fact that she can't run YouTube on safari and so they have decided it's broken.
I have tried to explain that if they had done the slightest bit of research on google then they'd have found that they should be buying atleast the second generation iPad which still supports YouTube. I've also offered to send her links to the huge amount of videos on YouTube which go over what they can still be used for and what they can't be used for.
If the response is NTA Ill continue to stand my ground, but I'm being the asshole then I'll issue the refund. I need all of your opinions please ###### | NTA. It's not your fault the buyer doesn't understand what she purchased. She should have done her research or asked questions before purchasing it.
Stand your ground. ###### |
my mom dropped her phone in the toilet at WORK the other day. she put her phone in rice for 40ish hours, and today, she USED THAT RICE TO MAKE LUNCH.
i told her there's no way im eating that, because her phone was in it. even if it hadnt dropped in a toilet, its DISGUSTING. she said its okay, since she disinfected her phone after it fell in the toilet and she washed the rice before making it.
i still absolutely refuse to eat it, she said that im being nitpicky and that its not a big deal. AITA??? ###### | NTA. It's not the worst but it is gross and it is weird to expect you to eat it. If she is fine with her phone germs she should eat it, not put it on you. Just make a sandwich and let her enjoy. ###### |
My brother can't drive because he gets seizures. I drive him wherever he goes. He wants me to drive him to a protest nearby, but it got really out of hand last night with people being maced and dragged out of their cars and being beaten by cops. He wants to take video as legal evidence in case protestors get arrested, so he'll bring a 360° camera.
I told him that I wouldn't be driving him because it's unsafe, and he got irritated and said he'd rather I drive him than him getting into an Uber with a stranger. I told him that it's my car and I don't have to do what he says, and he told me that if I'm preventing him from doing the right thing then I'm complicit in white supremacy. AITA? He doesn't have any friends he can bum rides off of. ###### | NTA. It's not safe for healthy people, much less so for one prone to seizures. Side note: him saying not driving him means you're complicit in white supremacy is totally not okay and you should address that with him. ###### |
Hi, so today, I(16M) and my family was talking about something that can't be mentioned in this subreddit. I said that I wanted to say what I thought about that subject, and my sister started giggling about how I was going to say something stupid probably taken from a youtube video. My dad laughed with her and insinuated that I was going to say something dumb, and my mom said how she was going to see if I was her son, insinuating that she is smart. I really got offended since my whole family was saying that I was dumb, and I really don't think so. I have really bad grades since I started studying in Switzerland (in German), and that's my 4th language, so I get 3 and 4 out of 6 regularly. After that, I took my dishes, cleaned them and came to my room (I had already finished my dinner). Everyone says that I should come back and that was being rude. I am now in my room and I wonder, AITA here? P.S.: sorry for grammar errors, I'm not a native speaker.
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Edit: 30 min later, my mom knocked and apologised, my sister was embarrassed and my dad didnt say anything. Thank you all for the advice! ###### | NTA. It's not rude to remove yourself from a hostile situation. Just because they were having fun, doesn't change that it was hostile to you. They're the rude one's, for ganging up on you, and putting you down. Since when is that what a "family" is supposed to do? ###### |
Obligatory mobile apology for formatting and spelling
This year my grandmother (mother’s father, not that that matters) is turning 80. For her 80th my mother and I are making her a quilt. The plan is to have all of the family members sign a block of the quilt and then for us to stitch over it.
For our purposes family is defined as her siblings (full and half), her descendants (all living generations) and all of her descendants spouses.
We are choosing not to do significant others that are not already “common law married” (ie been together for 10+) years because it’s a lot of work to make a quilt and it would be awkward to have a name that is no longer part of the fam on there.
We sent a single square to my brother (22) to sign and he called and was pissed that we didn’t send one for his gf (23). They’re both fresh out of college (graduated this semester) and have been dating for 2 years. We told him we don’t want her name on their because she isn’t part of the family by the definitions we set for the purpose. He told us he’s not going to sign his then.
While it might be worth noting, grandma does not like the gf because she is overly dependent on my brother, it is not the deciding factor. We have family on the quilt that she also does not like but is either her descendant or a spouse of her descendant. The gf is simply not included due to the relative brevity of the relationship.
AITA for not wanting her name to be on the quilt I’m making? ###### | NTA. It's not like you only selected his girlfriend to be excluded. You all made a blanket rule (hehe) that she just so happens to fall under. ###### |
Okay so long story short, I'm basically flat chested A cup. My boyfriend and I argue alot, and one of the things he constantly points out it that I don't wear a bra.
They're uncomfortable for me because they're always too big, they look and feel stupid on me and I just hate them. He commented in an argument that I wore one when we first dated. (I wore a pushup to look good in the dresses I had)
...Which I stopped wearing after he saw me naked. By then theres no point. He'd seen what I really look like.
I lack alot of confidence when it comes to my body, and every time I want to go out he demands I wear a bra, nothing low-cut, nothing tight. He makes comments about not wanting people to stare at my nipples.
I wear baggy clothing around him all the time, and he still complains.
Reddit, am I the asshole for not wearing a bra? ###### | NTA. It's not his body. ###### |
Hi, this is my first time ever posting on Reddit, so please excuse any mistakes I make.
I (17F) keep getting into little arguements during summer with my mom (57F) over not wanting to shave my legs. Having hair on my legs doesn't really bother me, to me it's just... there. I also get occasional acne or mosquito bites on my legs, so it tends to hide them.
My mom is completely different on this, with her reasons for wanting me to shave being a) "it looks bad" b) "people will make fun of you" and c) "it makes me look like a bad parent".
A is pretty subjective, I don't really care how others think I look and just do whatever I want appearance wise (within reason). B is something I don't mind, cause people are gonna pick on you for some little reason, no matter what.
C makes me feel upset cause I don't get how me not shaving my legs = her being a bad mom. She says it'll make people think that she doesn't look after my appearance or something, but it still doesn't make much sense.
My mom has little to no body hair cause of having radiation treatment for cancer a little after I was born, so she doesn't have to deal with it. I think it's very strange of her to bother me over my hair though.
Final thing I have to add to this; after she brings up shaving, she'll start calling me names like "Hairy Mary" and ask if I've shaved every time I shower. I think it's childish of her to resort to calling me names to bully me into shaving.
Sorry for this disjointed post, I'm not very good with putting things into words. AITA? ###### | NTA. It's not her body, she needs to shut the fuck up. ###### |
DH (M42) and I (F41) have been married almost 18 years. We have our issues, but one there's one that keeps coming up that I really frustrated with. DH is upset that I'm not expanding our family's social horizons by making friends for us to do things with. DH is an extrovert who wants to be around people all the time. I'm deeply introverted and I just don't have that need. It's not that I don't value relationships, I just don't need much. I have said that it doesn't make sense to put the burden of making friends for the family on the introvert when the extrovert is more suited for the task. He says it's a wife's job. That feels sexist to me. WIBTAH if I pointed that out to him? ###### | NTA. It's not anyone's "job," what the hell? If he wants friends he can make some himself like an adult, but after that response I can understand why that might be difficult for him. ###### |
My mom and I (18F) have always had an extremely close relationship. Basically I have always talked to her about everything and she is someone I look to for guidance. I started dating this guy (18M) at the beginning of college. My mom, being pretty religious, has always made it clear she wants me to wait until marriage to have sex. I agree with her on most things, but not this. I think it is my decision when I want to have sex and with whom.
Anyway, I started taking birth control about a month ago because I planned on having sex with my boyfriend. But we got sent home from college so it never happened. But I’m still taking the birth control because we probably still will.
Anyway, my mom saw my birth control and asked me if I’m having sex. I said no. She then accused me of lying for days. Eventually, we talked and she finally believed me when I told her I’m not yet but am planning to.
Then she said that she would like to know when we do decide to so we can talk before hand, I know it’s just going to be her last attempt at trying to discourage me. I told her it’s my decision and she doesn’t need to know when and now she’s mad. AITA? Since it’s wouldn’t be any trouble for me to just tell her, but I don’t think it’s her business. ###### | NTA. It's none of her business. ###### |
I'm not a native english speaker and my parents are immigrants. They don't speak the language fluently so whenever I'm talking to them on the phone I have to speak our native language. This however upsets some people, who for some reason feel uncomfortable about this.
In particular one of my ex-roommates told me that she was irritated by me speaking another language in our house and that it felt like I was shittalking her (which I have never done...I'm not the gossip-y type and I have more important things to talk to with my parents on the phone than my roommate).
I tried avoiding this by going outside whenever I wanted to talk to my parents, but even then sometimes I couldn't go outside (it was raining or similar circumsances) and people outsidereacted even worse to me talking in another language on the phone (one guy insulted me and spit on the floor after hearing me talk on the phone).
What am I supposed to do? I just see it as a private conversation with my parents...they're both nice people, just a bit old. ###### | NTA. It's none of her business what you're talking about (whatever language) and how fucking self-centred do you have to be to worry that people are talking about you all the time? ###### |
I am a woman who changes her hair a lot, over the last two years I've had a short pixie cut, grown out to a more shaggy pixie cut. I've dyed it all sorts of colors.
A few weeks ago, I was in desperate need of a haircut, I was on the edge of mullet-y. I had one booked then all the hairdressers closed up shop, I'm sure you can guess why.
I tried to trim the back of my own hair with scissors and it was a mess. So I decided screw it, I'll buzz am undercut. I let my roommate try with his clippers, and honestly it looked terrible. He did an ok job but it just didn't work with my face shape, all that hair on top and none below gave me a mushroom-head.
So I told him, fuck it, buzz the whole thing. And I loved how it looked.
I also bleached my short hair and dyed it pastel pink because I wanted to still look girly in some way.
I love it so much.
But my boyfriend really didn't like it, he said he likes the feel of hair and thinks it will feel like "touching a man"
And my parents lost it at me, they're afraid I'll never get another job, that I look like a lesbian, etc...
I told them that I am happy with my job and not looking for another, and anyway I work in tech which is not really known for traditional formal dress.
My parents were still pissed though.
A couple of my friends also think it was dumb of me and expect I'll regret it in a few days.
AITA for buzzing my hair unexpectedly? ###### | NTA. It's just hair. It grows back.
Also, *you look like a lesbian*? Wtf is that about? Assholes. ###### |
I own and run a webshop selling a food product. I started it in 2017. I also work a full-time job to sustain it - only this year do I stand to make an actual profit. I say that just so you know I'm not some greedy business owner who is rolling in dough.
I have a generous refund policy for people who aren't satisfied, even if sometimes people abuse it. Yesterday a lady contacted me saying that she received and was charged for $22 worth of merchandise and that we must have stolen her info to purchase the product with her card, sending it to her.
I looked at the details through our credit card processor. The order was placed using the same email address that the lady used to write from. FYI, for security reasons, the full credit card details aren't available to us - just the last 4.
The credit card processor captures the IP address for fraud analysis, and the IP address used to place the order was near the lady. The lady received an order confirmation plus 3 separate tracking updates, all to the same email she was contacting me from. The product was delivered about 10 days prior to her email claiming fraud.
It's very apparent that either 1) She is scamming and ordered it herself, or 2) someone in her household ordered it - someone with whom she is so close that she shares credit card and email info. Certainly I didn't steal her info, and it would be absurd if a stranger did that, as the product was sent to the lady using her own email. It's also possible that she has memory issues and has simply forgotten.
I relayed the above info and asked her to please check with household members. I told her that if she confirms, I can send her a return label, whereas usually I would just refund without a hassle. I usually am quick to refund, but this just seems so flagrant.
AITA for not just refunding her on the spot, and for suggesting that it's highly unlikely anyone but her (or someone in her household) deliberately purchased this? ###### | NTA. It's hard to take a firm stance these days with people finger happy at a keyboard. You made the right choice. ###### |
I attend a university where community building & bonding is extremely important. Everyone is family in a sense and we just love to have fun and help each other out. We have a ton of orgs on campus, and each org has a GroupMe account, so does most classes as students use them to share answers, asks questions and just talk. These GroupMe’s are also used to wish each other good luck, happy holidays and to campaign for on campus elections. For example, when I pledged my sorority I had several people in my GM chats congratulate me even though we’re not necessarily friends. It’s also not normal for people to wish each other a happy holiday. (Happy founders day, happy thanksgiving, happy St. Patty’s day and so forth)
Well, this past Easter we had an issue where a Muslim student was really upset that people in her GroupMe chats had been wishing each other a happy Easter. She said it was extremely disrespectful to her and her religion and that she would leave each and every chat she was in because of it. Then she went on Instagram to further say that anyone who wished a happy Easter in a chat that she was in was disrespectful and should’ve known better. I was confused because while I am Christian I come from a dominantly Islamic family and I had never heard from any of them even the elders that something like this was an issue. She claims that she doesn’t go in her chat wishing a happy Ramadan or other Muslim holidays so we shouldn’t be wishing each other a happy Easter as it was a slap in the face for her. I really just don’t see it that way though. I know that no one would blink an eye if she was to say happy Ramadan or some other Muslim holiday. I wasn’t upset, just more annoyed with the social media and GroupMe tirade she went on.
AITA for not seeing an issue with wishing people a happy Easter on GroupMe? ###### | NTA. It's hard to believe that people like this actually exist.
>She claims that she doesn’t go in her chat wishing a happy Ramadan or other Muslim holidays
Does she not understand that she's free to do so? ###### |
So, I'm in high school and a few of my friends are Non-binary or trans and I try to be supportive, I have a good relationship with my parents and so I tell them a lot about my friends including referring to my friend (Let's call him Fred) who asked me to use they/them pronouns by those pronouns, it confused my parents so I asked Fred if there was anything else they'd prefer to be called instead of they/them and he blew up at me saying I outed them to my parents when my parents don't even know and that I was being disrespectful, I've never had any friends like Fred before the last year and it was never explained to me how to refer to them in front of my parents. A while back Fred sent me a post with no context saying that I was a horrible person and Fred says I'm horrible when he changes his name and pronouns and I don't use them because he didn't tell me that was what changed and I feel underappreciated. I want to continue to be friends with Fred, not only because I love hanging out with that friend group but also because I enjoy hanging out with Fred, so many of my other friends are telling me that Fred is toxic and I don't know what to do. Am I the asshole here? ###### | NTA. It's good you referred to Fred by the chosen pronouns. It's good you refer to Fred by those pronouns when talking with others.
It's important, obviously, not to out Fred to anyone. **However**, crucially, it's Fred's responsibility, not yours, to make the situation clear as to who knows about their gender, and who is not to know. If they give you a blanket statement on which pronoun applies to them, I think you're right to use that in all contexts if given no instructions otherwise.
Obviously it sucks if that's led to them being outed. But that's a case of them accidentally outing themselves, not you outing them, and that's their own mistake. ###### |
Throwaway.
I'm getting married early next year. I've already chosen my bridesmaids who I love immensely and all of them excitedly agreed. A couple days ago, I called one of my bridesmaids to chat about the planning and I told her I'd chosen a color for the dress. She asked about the shoes and I said I didn't care if they wore heels or flats, I just preferred that they were beige to look uniform in the pictures. She was instantly upset. At first I thought she just didn't like that idea but she followed it up with the statement that "black people don't wear beige." I was instantly confused. I've never heard that before.
I asked why not and what was wrong with beige and she responded "well obviously that's not 'skin tone' for ME." I tried explaining that I wasn't trying to match skin tone, I really just thought it looked nice with the dress. None of us (in the bridal party) have the same skin tone so I didn't even consider it "matching" anyone. When I explained that, she remained unconvinced. She also knows the other members so I pointed out that it wasn't their skin tones either but she insisted I didn't understand and was singling her out. We haven't spoken since.
So WITA (Was I The Asshole) for suggesting beige shoes for my bridesmaids. If I am out of touch, I apologize. I wasn't intending to offend. Because my bridesmaids have different skin tones, body types, heights and hair colors/textures, I am trying to find a balance between being flexible enough that they feel comfortable and having them look like they are all part of the bridal party by looking somewhat uniform. I actually wasn't married to beige and honestly don't really care if they wear different color shoes, but now I'm just confused and I want to know if I messed up. Either way, I'm going to reach out to talk to her about it and (regardless of my ruling) apologize - at least for making her feel singled out. ###### | NTA. It's beige shoes. You want them to have beige shoes. It's not like you told her "skin colour shoes... You know a nice caucasian taupe". It's just beige shoes.
Talk to her more. ###### |
So my sister and her BF recently bought vapes. She bought hers for her own money and I don't care that she's vaping. What I care about, though, is that she vapes in our room (we share a room). So we've gotten in an argument about her vaping here. I really hate the fake fruit smell and it's giving me a headache. AITA? ###### | NTA. It's a shared space and you should feel comfortable in it. She's TA. Those headaches can turn into serious migraines if you have a chemical scent sensitivity and you should probably keep an eye on it, they aren't fun ###### |
I'll keep this short and use fake names. Also I'm not a native English speaker, so I apologize in advance for any mistake.
Lily Jones (F27) is my best friend since pre-school. I've known her family since I was 5 years old. Her mom Linda (F51), her dad Joe (F53) and her two younger siblings. As far as I knew her parents were happily married and Lily adores both of them. Joe is a professor in a university.
A couple of days ago, a co-worker (F32) put a picture of her and her parents in her whatsapp status with a short message about being her parents wedding anniversary. I was surprise to see that was Joe, aka Lily's dad but the wife in the picture was not Linda. I thought this may be a mistake, or just someone who looked an awful lot like him. So I message my co-worker and asked something like "Your dad looks familiar, by any chance is he professor Joe Jones that works in x university, I think I attended one of his conferences" and she confirmed it.
As far as I know (and I've known her since I was 5) Lily doesn't know she has any older sister or that her dad has any other family. And as far as I know her parents are married, so I'm really confused right now.
I screenshot the conversation with my co-worker and her whatsapp status but I've been on the fence about sending this to Lily. Would I be the asshole if I send her this? ###### | NTA. It's a confusing situation, but your friend should know what's going on and deserves the truth. They would probably be more mad if you kept it from them, I know I would be ###### |
We've been dating for about 18 months now and living together for just over 8. Her apartments closer to both of our works. Her sister (S) moved in 2 months ago as she's pregnant, her husbands in the army and the rest of the families in a different state.
My GFs a nurse and has been working some pretty long hours, to take the load of my GF I've been pretty much doing all the cooking, washing and cleaning.
I have a lot of work to do so I'm just pretty much keeping to myself and not really trying to inconvenience anyone. I eat around after every 3 hours so whenever I eat I also make a little something for her as well.
So the problem is that whenever GF gets off from work she always ends up having to giver her sister a massage which I suspect is because she's pregnant but I don't know. GF and I got into a sort of whisper argument where she called me an AH as I should help S out when she's in pain.
Her reasons for:
* AH move not helping a pregnant women when she's in pain
* GF is stressed & tired with having to work long hours and would rather spend what little time she has relaxing
* I give GF massages when she's sore so whats the difference
* And I give good massages (mom was a masseuse)
My reason:
* Its a bit weird giving someone you're not close to a massage
We kind of agreed to continue the conversation in the morning when she wakes for her shift, bit I need to know whether I'm in the wrong or not so that's why I'm here. ###### | NTA. It'd be inappropriate. She might as well ask literally anyone else. ###### |
About six months ago I installed security cameras on my property. One indoors to monitor the baby's room and three outdoors: one facing the porch, one my backyard, and one my rear door. I have a hot tub by the rear door.
Having cameras facing front door or porch is pretty typical, right? People use Ring doorbells or what-have-you and don't think anything of it. Because I thought this was fairly standard for 2020, I didn't tell my friends. Whenever I entertained guests, it was always indoors where the only camera is somewhere a guest would never go. Something I should mention is I *never* let guests use my hot tub.
Back in February I had to leave town for a few days and asked a friend to visit and let my dog out and feed her a few times a time. My friend lives only a block away and I compensated her for her time. Unbeknownst to me until two weeks ago, apparently she used my hot tub. Not just her, but two friends of hers did as well. And, they decided to hot tub without clothing.
If it's not obvious, I don't check my cameras often unless there's a reason to. Neighbour told me the day prior that he saw someone get dropped off at my house while I went to do groceries, go into the backyard and then leave. So I wanted to see what they did.
So I have footage of a friend with two other women changing in front of my hot tub, hot tubbing for an hour or so, then leaving. I told my friend that I wish she had asked permission before using my hot tub and told her what I saw and she freaked out calling me a pervert. She says it's my responsibility to tell people I have cameras around my property, even if their usage is benign.
She wants to file charges against me for voyeurism. Sure, I watched the clip but only to see the extent of it and I deleted it after I was done with it. I counter that her friends were trespassing and I didn't permit use of my hot tub to begin with.
Am I the asshole in this situation? ###### | NTA. It wouldn't have been a problem if she hadn't gone behind your back in the first place. It's a little weird to use your friend's hot tub without permission, naked. Not to mention inviting friends. She put herself in that situation. ###### |
I (20F) live with my parents and older brother. I’ll be honest - I do not like him. We do not get along. He’s annoying and intruding and loud and I could go on. I try to just ignore him.
For April fools day yesterday, as a “joke,” he decided to hide the pain medication I take to deal with my periods. I have horrible periods, especially the first couple days (which yesterday was) and the pain can be debilitating and make me cry if I don’t have the pain meds to help (even then, I still have pain, I’m just able to function).
I basically couldn’t find them all day yesterday then this morning he gave them to me and said “April Fools!!” His prank was hiding this on me since I “relied on them so heavily and need to see I don’t need pain meds to get through the day.” He said that’s what I get for keeping the meds in the kitchen (which I do because they need to be taken with food and/or water)
I was fucking pissed. He saw me crying and wincing in pain and hid them from me? I told him to fuck off and that this would be the last conversation we’d have for a while. I’m ignoring him but he keeps texting me like “come on really?” And giving ME dirty looks in the hallway like I’m the one who did something wrong.
My parents are staying out of it as we’re both adults. They say f how I want to deal with is by ignoring him then it is what it is.
AITA? I don’t think this was a joke. I think this is over the line. ###### | NTA. It wasn’t a joke, and it was over the line. Your parents suck for acting like what he did was fine and needed to be worked out between you. He wants to act like a child, he should be treated like one. I loathe people like him who think he has the answer to everything and feels that he has the right to take action against someone’s will. I wouldn’t talk to him either, possibly ever again personally. If he offered a genuine and heartfelt apology I might consider it.
I suggest finding someplace, preferably locked, that you can hide your medication since your AH brother wants to play thief and doctor. ###### |
My ex and I broke up a month ago and we met up to exchange each other’s belongings. I was with her for three years.
One of my things I had left at her’s accidentally was my necklace that belonged to my grandfather, valued around $600. I asked her several times to remember to bring it and she said she would.
We meet up and she completely forgets the necklace and even tells me she lost it. This is heart breaking because it has a lot of sentimental value and I haven’t lost any of her belongings. I beg for her to check her place again but she insists she lost it, it is gone.
I asked her to front me $300 if she lost my necklace to help pay for a new one. I’m not expecting the full cost of the necklace. She says absolutely not, and that it’s tough luck she lost it. She said this makes me seem like a gold digger asking her for the cash. She comes from an extremely wealthy family ($300 is nothing) and I come from a lower middle class household.
AITA for asking her to front the money for a sentimental item of mine SHE lost? ###### | NTA. it wasn't just a necklace, it belonged to someone who meant a lot to you and asking for half the price to replace it is still a nice offer. ###### |
My cousin had to make a delivery for work—8-10 hour drive or something like that. I told him he could crash at my place on his way back as it was about 4 hours closer than his house. When he got there, I told him to help himself to anything in the kitchen. He slept on the couch(I have a spare bed but that’s where he prefers I guess) and when I woke up the next morning for work he was surrounded by some trash and a few dirty dishes.
I get home from work and there’s even more trash and dirty dishes surrounding him. I go to the kitchen and it’s been pretty much raided. All of my breakfast bowls(I had ) were gone, half the box of hot pockets was empty, both big bags of chips were eaten, 2 litre coke had barely any left, all of my oatmeal pies were gone(I only had 1), my box of protein waffles were gone, he even ate like 3 of my GF’s veggie burgers.
He was only here 1 night and 1 day! He arrived Thursday at around 10pm and left Friday at 5pm. Why did he need to eat that much??
When I called him out he just said “dude what, you said I could eat anything” I said “yeah anything—not everything! I’m trying to limit my grocery store trips now I’ll have to go again this week. Come on dude, what the hell” he offered to give me money but I declined it.
Later his mom called my mom and said when he got to her house he was acting weird when she was asking about me. So my mom called me to ask for the details. I guess I pissed him off but was I really wrong here? ###### | NTA. It wasn't cool for him to take everything. He should have respected your hospitality amd bought his own food if he was really that hungry. ###### |
I imagine this is going to be a bit of an ESH, but here's the context:
I have a nonbinary coworker, I'll call Ash, who unfortunately had their deadname printed on our weekly schedule for the first few weeks of their employment. They made it very clear to everyone they don't like to be referred to by it, and go by they/them pronouns. I myself am trans (though not entirely out at work), so I'm pretty sensitive to people using the wrong name/pronouns for someone.
Another coworker (Jessica) thought it was a great joke to annoy Ash by referring to them as their deadname and the wrong pronouns. Ash, as well as some others, had asked her to stop multiple times, she didn't. I got fed up, and started referring to Jessica as he/him and by the wrong name. She was visibly annoyed whenever I did it, but nothing ever came of it and she has since been fired for unrelated reasons.
Thining back on it, I do feel kinda shitty about it as one of my positions is that a person doesn't need to *earn* the right to be referred to by the correct name/pronoun, and I feel like I compromised my ethics on this. ###### | NTA. It was very insensitive of Jessica to do that. And it wasn't that cruel on your part to give her a taste of her own. I feel like it was more of a lesson to show her what it really feels like to be treated that way. A lesson she really needed to learn. I wouldn't let it bother you. I'm sure Ash appreciated someone sticking up for them. ###### |
AITA for reporting my car stolen. A lot of things happened so I'm going to try to summarize. Long story short my brother in law has been in and out of jail most of his life. He has had his driver's license suspended due to multiple running from the law and driving under the influence. He seemed to be wanting to turn a new leaf in his life and has had "bad luck ". I was willing to loan him my car with rules. They are as followed. He was not to drive his girlfriend was to drive him everywhere. They where to help keep up the car. And finally they where to not to smoke in it. They also lived with us for about a year. During this year neither one of them held a job for more than a couple of months. Would isolate themselves until they wanted to "borrow" money. Also the car would reek of cigarettes and the seats be so nasty you couldn't tell what color they were. It all came to a head when they went MIA in my car for two months. I asked them for my car and It was a lame excuse as why they couldn't have it back I also received in this time tickets from another state over. I told them to have my car back a week ago or I was going to report it. Still nothing. The police called today and my car was on the other side of the state ( three and a half hours away.) Am I the asshole for calling the law and reporting my car stolen. ###### | NTA. It was stolen. Do not let these people back in your home. ###### |
For some background: I get free lunch at school and because of the situation i got sent a card in my name to purchase food. My sister is 21 and works.
Today i got a card in my name (addressed specifically to me not to my parents/ guardian). My mom was talking to my grandma and brought it up and told me to bring it. I got the card and my mom says “im gonna give it to her sister”. I didn’t say anything and waited until she was done.
I asked her why she was going to give it to my sister and she said so my sister can eat. I told her that because it was my card she wasn’t giving it to anyone. She proceeded to call me egotistical and take the card from me.
So AITA for not wanting my card given to my sister? ###### | NTA. It was sent to you for your use alone. OP, do you have enough to eat without this card? ###### |
For some background: I get free lunch at school and because of the situation i got sent a card in my name to purchase food. My sister is 21 and works.
Today i got a card in my name (addressed specifically to me not to my parents/ guardian). My mom was talking to my grandma and brought it up and told me to bring it. I got the card and my mom says “im gonna give it to her sister”. I didn’t say anything and waited until she was done.
I asked her why she was going to give it to my sister and she said so my sister can eat. I told her that because it was my card she wasn’t giving it to anyone. She proceeded to call me egotistical and take the card from me.
So AITA for not wanting my card given to my sister? ###### | Nta. It was sent to you because you qualify for it. Your mom is committing fraud if she gives it to your sister ###### |
so this story opened about 6 or 7 months ago, I was on vacation with my GF and we stayed at a hotel.
one morning when I woke up I went to the self-serve buffet to take my breakfast, when I was making my coffee my Gf came and asked me if I can make her one as well, I said sure thing, I decided to to do a fancy kind of coffee (coffee with flower drawn with cream and a little coffee powder on the cup wall), when I finished it, I gave it to my GF and made my regular coffee, at that moment I noticed a woman standing behind me (it took me a little bit time to make the coffee) so I said sorry for blocking your way, and stepped aside, the women saw me making the coffee ask me to make her one, I did exactly what she asked me for (can you make me one cup of coffee please), when I handed it to her she looked at me with that look like are you serious look and then she said you just made a fancy coffee for that woman why didn't you make one for me, I told her that the women was my GF and wanted to do something special for her and that you asked me to make you one cup of coffee so I did, she then told me to make her a fancy cup of coffee, at that moment I told her to have a nice day and went to sit with my GF who was waiting for me.
the question is was I the asshole for not making a fancy coffee for her ###### | NTA. It was an unreasonable request. You already obliged her coffee and you are not a barista, no reason why she cannot make her coffee the way she wanted it to be done. ###### |
Long story short, my mother spent money she didn't have, couldn't pay rent and is now living with me and my wife. She wanted to pay me rent while she lives with us, but I said she didn't have to so she could pay her debt and get a place of her own sooner. So she said she would be cleaning the house to compensate, I said she didn't need to as I've been doing it for years just fine. She insisted, I gave up trying to argue.
One of the reasons I didn't want her to clean the house is because she is too perfectionist when it comes to that, everything has to be shining. Me and my wife don't mind a little mess every once in a while. Another thing I hated while growing up living with my mother is that she has a habit of changing the furniture out of places, but that wasn't much more than a mild inconvenience then; but now it's just being an asshole, since my wife is blind.
Even thought I expected it to be clear, I explicitly told my mother that she wasn't supposed to change anything out of place since my wife was used to things being where they were and that's how she navigated around the house.
It started with the trash can in the kitchen, then the sofa, then the fridge and finally yesterday she cause my wife to trip and bruise her knee by moving the dinner table a few inches.
I told my mother that I finally had enough and if she couldn't keep up with the rules at my house she would have to go. I talked to my wife later and she says I went too far and would be an asshole if I kicked out my mother. Wife says she doesn't mind it as it was just a bruise. I think it was just a bruise now, next time could be a broken arm. ###### | Nta. It was a very simple very important request. Her behavior put your wife in danger. This time it's a bruised knee next time she could hit her head on the coffee table. What if she had hot coffee in her hands. It's unacceptable and your wife has every right to be safe in her own home. ###### |
My father has recently gotten in touch with his sisters after some long family conflict that they finally resolved. I (16f) got bad vibes from my aunt (Linda) as soon as I met her. She seemed to overstep her boundaries- immediately she asked me what I wanted to be when I got older, I told her a dermatologist and she said “you don’t seem the type to be cut out for that, are you sure?”
The next time I saw her, I made brownies for a party and she then told me they could “use a little less time in the oven.” She then had a conversation with me and asked about my school life. I told her I had a 4.0 GPA, was 22 in my class out of 650, and that I was doing pretty well in AP classes. She went, “well, my daughter (Sarah we will call her) wasn’t very smart, but she is an entrepreneur now so it’s obvious her work is still very important and you don’t have to be school smart. It’s not that big of a deal.” I felt this invalidated my hard work. She told me that I couldn’t have a political option because I was 16 after she asked if I supported Trump and I said no.
All this would seem to make me be NTA, until this. My dad was on Zoom with Linda with me in the room, and Linda was talking about Sarah’s entrepreneurship. I had went on Sarah’s Facebook, where she had been consistently posting photos of her at her McDonald’s job, clearly not an entrepreneur. She was like “OP, I hope you’ll be as successful was Linda some day.” I said “I’m sorry, Linda, but please F off. Your daughter is not an entrepreneur, she works at McDonald’s.”
My mother thought the interaction was quite funny, but my dad is pissed and refuses to talk to me ###### | NTA. it was a little harsh but you called her on lying and that’s okay. your aunt doesn’t get to constantly compare you to her daughter and act like her daughters better. most of all she can’t tell you her daughters better because of a lie ###### |
I’ve been applying to jobs for a bit now. Recently, I had a Zoom interview for a position in my town. The listing said nothing about commuting or going to another office.
During the interview, the interviewer said “So I know the ad said the job was in x town, but it’s really in y town. Would that be a problem?” That town is an hour and a half away from me one way. I would not have applied for the position and have my location range on the job site set for a certain way. I said “Well, yes. I assumed it was for your x office since you put that town on your ad.” They said “Yes but we wanted more applicants. I personally travel between all of our offices often.”
Good for him, but a 3 hour daily commute would not work for me. I told him I could work for x office if there was a position available. Interview ended not long after.
I went to the online job board I applied on and reported the job for being misleading. It was removed the next day. My husband says I overreacted by having it removed. I think it’s unprofessional to do that. Was I an asshole? ###### | NTA. It was 100% misleading, and intentionally so at that. I wouldn't be surprised if multiple interviewees reported it. I know I would (and in my dream world, would end the interview with "You've wasted my time, I will be reporting your posting for false information, goodbye.") In this job market if they can't get applicants with accurate information, they need to step up their recruiting, not trick already stressed unemployed people.
Best of luck on your job search, I'm off to get back to mine. ###### |
I’m at a loss here, and wondering if I’m being gaslit or if I’m a total asshole.
My sister is 16 and I’m 19. When my sister was 7 she begged for a dog, and my parents got her one. When he was no longer little and cute, she wanted nothing to do with him.
I’m not even a dog person, but I stepped up to care for him. He became my best friend. I went through serious bouts of depression and he was there for me. Long story short, I took care of him entirely by myself, my sister was only there for the occasional play time and belly rub.
When he got sick a few months ago, and I learned that he would have to be put down, I saved money to get some cremation jewelry made. I got a necklace and an anklet.
I am having extremely difficult time dealing with his passing, I’m still raw about it.
My sister, who never cared about him, is walking around moping, and crying and being attention seeking. She’s posting all about it on social media, and everyone is falling over themselves to comfort her. She is demanding some of the cremation jewelry. I feel like she just wants to show it off online.
I have told her no, and she went to our parents. They are saying that I have to give her the jewelry. They gave me a long speech guilting me about it. They said that he was technically her dog, she has a right to the jewelry and to remember him. I’m being called selfish for not giving her one of the pieces.
My family and I have been fighting about this. My parents point out my sisters crying, and “depressed behavior” to try to guilt me into giving her either the necklace or the anklet. I want both of them. I paid for them. I see my sister being sad and I can’t tell if I’m being gaslit or if I’m denying her closure by not giving her the jewelry. AITA here? ###### | NTA. It was *technically* her dog, but it’s also *technically* your jewelry as you are the one who paid for it.
If you think they would get to a point of kicking you out(and by no means anything less) demand 4x what you paid.
Not only that but why didn’t she just get jewelry made herself. Not to sound crass but there are a lot of ashes. ###### |
My brother asked for divorce Then proceeded a 4 month campaign to gaslight her about why. My SIL was blindsided. My SIL is not English fluent and has no real friends or family here and hadn’t worked. Over the four months after he demanded divorce he sweet talked her into meeting his lawyer in the hopes to have her sign papers with out offering fair terms for separation or representation. She was going to do it. My brother cheated on my SIL and only admitted to the affair after lying to everyone and learning that my SIL has proof. Then COVID shut down now she’s ‘trapped’ here. I chose to help her cause no one else in my family would. My other siblings agree he did some thing wrong but they are on his side. They are all narcissistic in their own way and my older sibling is actually going through the same situation with her SO but in reverse. (ie they are the cheater) my brother spent his life telling us he’d never be like our dad, cheating lying, and victimizing women over money. That used to be the biggest insult you could call him. Now when my SIL points that out he laughs in her face. Now my selfish siblings have sided with him andI think it will break our family entirely.
I never felt My siblings ever treated me with respect or regard. They are all childless and do better than me financially, abandoned me to take care of my aging parents alone, and only call to hear about how ‘shitty’ my life is cause (I’m not rich and raising kids is hard sometimes) or unload their emotional baggage when they feel bad. When the line got drawn in the sand I chose to help. I resolved that I’ll have to be ok with putting this final nail in the coffin of our relationship. But I chose to help the vulnerable over family. When it’s all done and she moves out of my house and flies home. I will have an empty bedroom and my children will have no aunts and uncles. AITA ###### | NTA. It sucks that your relatives are like this. But remember, relatives doesn’t automatically equal family and it seems like you are a good person doing the right thing. Your SIL is very lucky to have family like you. ###### |
I’m a 26F, and I’ve recently joined reddit to help me gain insight on some of my current life problems. I will try and keep this short.
I befriended a 32M at work, and we were friends for 3 years. I was transparent with my current boyfriend about our friendship. We never hung out outside of work, but we did play some video games together occasionally.
I sat next to 32M for a long time at our office job, and we became friends due to mere exposure. Everything was fine until the following events happened:
1. Started telling me I was thick, cute, and bad.
2. Started staying late to chat me up, and wouldn’t leave until I did, often following me out to my car.
3. Openly admitted he had an erection one day, making me physically sick.
4. Started talking bad about my relationship
5. Confronted me with his feelings, to which I replied “This makes me very uncomfortable!” After i said that, the next day he put his hand in my face and clenched his fist until it shook....yeah.
I stood up, went to HR and filed a report. They informed me that they wanted to fire him anyways, as he was performing terribly at work,had bad hygiene and insubordination on a regular basis.
I felt relief from hearing that. I didn’t hate him or wish him ill, I just wanted to be safe at work.
The next few weeks they took no action except to disclose my report to him. They started communicating to me through a lawyer. He started behaving erratically and pacing behind my chair constantly.
I told my job I needed to leave, took a weekend to think, and resigned through email.
I felt extreme anxiety and uncomfortability in that environment. But, AITA for leaving without a two week notice? ###### | NTA. It sounds to me as though someone higher up ordered HR to change tack and protect your coworker over you. Disclosing your complaint to your coworker was self evidently going to make for a very uncomfortable working environment, especially given the fact that he had already shown a willingness to behave in an unprofessional way. ###### |
I(25f) got married this past fall. One of the guests was a friend I was close to in high school but we aren’t as close now. She is really good friends with one of my bridesmaids and we still hung out occasionally. She also invited me to her wedding a couple years before. So I invited her to mine.
This friend has a photography/wedding planning business but it hasn’t really taken off yet. During my wedding I saw she had her camera but I didn’t pay too much attention to what she was doing. She didn’t get in the way of the photographer so it wasn’t as issue.
A couple days after the wedding my husband and I were tagged in photos. She had posted pictures from the wedding with her watermark on them. One of the pictures was a candid shot of the flower girl. One of the groomsmen (father of flower girl) wrote a comment saying that she did well with his daughter and the friend wrote back that she wasn’t the photographer of the wedding and just a friend. He called my husband and asked if we could talk to her about taking down the picture of his daughter since she wasn’t the photographer and never asked permission to take his daughter’s picture let alone post it to promote her business.
I ended up PMing her and asked if she could take down all the pictures. I told her it was a nice gesture taking pictures but she didn’t ask and I didn’t feel right she was using them to promote her business. I also told her I didn’t feel comfortable she posted a picture of a minor without permission. To be honest I wasn’t a fan of the pictures and they were heavily edited but I didn’t tell her that. She did not take it well. She got very angry and called me an ungrateful friend. She did take the pictures down and then blocked me. We haven’t spoken since.
This happened a few months ago but friends still talk about it. Some friends are on my side and some think I was too harsh and say a good friend would let her keep them.
So I was curious, AITA? ###### | NTA. It sounds to me as if she used your wedding as a way to build her portfolio, clearly without your knowledge or permission. She overstepped boundaries then got her feelings hurt when you didn’t appreciate her photography you never asked for. She needs to learn that feelings must be left at the door in business matters. ###### |
A bit of a background: we've been together for 9 years, living together for 8 years and were engaged after 7.
My SIL got engaged in October, after being in a relationship for 1 year. They are getting married this autumn. We were invited.
The problem is, when we were going to move together, she said she doesn't support our decision, and my man should "keep looking" (for another girl). I was sitting right beside them but didn't say a word, I didn't want to cause any more problems.
When we got engaged, she messaged my SO through Facebook, and said she will never be happy for us, and that he should have asked HIS parent's permission to marry me first. It was very hurtful, but I still did not say a word, I always tried to be kind to her.
We haven't met her boyfriend/fiancé until a few weeks ago she finally introduced him over Skype. My husband was a bit hurt that she never bothered to introduce them before,only months before the wedding. Anyway, after the Skype conversation, she sent another weird message to my hubb, saying that I should apologize for disagreeing with them on certain matters. My husband asked why is it only me who needs to apologise for something he agreed with and wholeheartedly supported too. My SIL said she doesn't consider me a separate person, she wouldn't address ME only the man I belong to.
I was pretty hurt after reading that (husband showed me the whole conversation), and I told him that maybe I don't want to go to his sister's wedding. She said one too many derogatory stuff to me, and I just can't continue to pretend I'm all okay with it.
He said he doesn't want to go either because he's mad at her.
However, I know he's close to his family, and I'm afraid he would regret not going to his sister's wedding. I know I should suck it up and go and take my man with me, but I feel too fed up. He's definitely NOT going without me (so he said).
So WIBTA if I didn't go to the wedding and made my husband to miss out on it too? ###### | NTA. It sounds like your SIL would be oh so happy if you didn’t go, if only so she can play the victim. She’s been rude to you for years, so I don’t know why she’d even expect you to go. ###### |
So, quick bit of context, I've been babysitting my little brother for years (I have severe anxiety and used it as an excuse to avoid social situations), so my mom could go to work. But as I got older I learned to better deal with my anxiety but found myself not having much of a social life as I'm still expected to babysit (for free) most days (he's turning into a spoiled little brat as well which is difficult to deal with sometimes). Whenever I mention going out with my friends (before lockdown started) I'd get his with the same response "you need to make sure it's my day off or you're not going" or "you can go but you need to home that night."
Recently I got into college which starts in a couple of months and I've been trying to get a job so I can work on moving out and buy the supplies I need for college but my mom keeps talking about how she'll have to quit her job if I stop babysitting and keeps bringing up my anxiety, telling me "if it's as bad as you're claiming it is then you wouldn't be able to work with people. You aren't exactly a people person." It's making me feel like crap but I need a job to support myself and get myself through college. My brother is a little terror and I'm losing sleep because of the stress he causes when I have to look after him. WIBTA if I tell my mum to find a different babysitter so I can focus on my future and my mental health? ###### | NTA. It sounds like your mom is actively trying to sabotage you so she gets free childcare for...ever?
If you need someone to tell you what your mom *should* have told you: you can do this. You can get a job, and you can save for the supplies you need. You've done a stellar job of learning to manage your anxiety, and I'm really impressed that you have the confidence to aim for college. I know you'll make friends, develop new skills and build an amazing future for yourself. It will be the making of you. ###### |
This wasn't really an issue until lockdown, when friends/flatmates' bfs moved in with us and we went from 3 people (out most of the time) to 6 people (in all of the time) with only 1 bathroom.
I like long showers. Most days I'm in the bathroom for 20-25 minutes (from entering to exiting). Once a week I wash my hair, exfoliate, and shave, meaning I can be in the bathroom for up to 40 minutes. Because of this I avoid peak times (mornings and when everyone's getting ready for bed) and check if anyone needs in the bathroom before i go, either in person or a message on the group chat.
The problem is my flatmates bf has very short showers so thinks im extremely excessive. A few times now he has been out walking/running/cycling and is desperate for the toilet when he gets back. His gf has had to knock on the door and ask me to hurry up because he needs the toilet. I do then get out asap and shout that it's now free.
However they (flatmate and her bf) think I am being an AH for maintaining my "excessive showers" when there are now so many of us sharing. I really enjoy my long showers and have already stopped showering before bed to try and ease congestion. I don't think it's that unreasonable in my own flat but feel kind of bad if it's causing major problem, so AITA? ###### | NTA. It sounds like your flatmate’s bf should use the toilet/shower wherever he pays the rent. ###### |
I \[30M\] live with two roommates - Kate \[32\] and Sean \[27\].
Sean is a genuinely sweet guy, but, uh, kind of lacking on the common sense department, to put it gently. The joke goes that he's secretly 5 years old \[we say that to his face, and he agrees with that statement\]. Until last July, he was juggling Acting school, waiting tables for money and then also got caught in some really obvious pyramid scheme.
How obvious? He has the diagram of the "company's model" hanging over his desk, and it's pyramid-shaped. The poor guy pays 100$ every month for "membership" in his "business", gets nothing in return and is still sticking with it. When he ran out of money, he got his parents to pay it for him. He also stopped going to auditions about a month after graduation, to focus on his "business". Both Kate and I tried to warn him gently multiple times, but Sean kept insisting we were "wrong about it" and "don't know anything". I've never seen him getting so defensive and angry about anything else. We eventually left it alone, though we kept rolling eyes about it whenever he was making "business calls", complained about not having money, etc.
Yesterday, when I got back from work, Sean was on the couch, doing a "business call" \[AKA trying to recruit people to his MLM\]. Afterward, he came to my room to chat, and started complaining about a seemingly "Why do random people keep adding me to random shady groups?". Without thinking, I replied "Maybe they're trying to recruit you to their own pyramid schemes".
Sean got furious, and started ranting about how he's "disappointed" with me not "fact-checking" \[I am familiar with that specific MLM...\], and for not "supporting him", and how he "expected better" of me and Kate. Afterwards he walked out of the apartment, in what I'm pretty sure was an attempt to actively avoid me.
I can't help but to feel terrible about that incidence, but also kind of irritated and annoyed. AITA? ###### | NTA. It sounds like you're trying to protect him from getting further taken advantage of, but this is apparently not a truth he is interested in hearing. Poor guy. ###### |
My ex wife and I have a thirteen year old son. He’s deathly afraid of thunderstorms and has been since he was little. The other night, when he was over at my house, a huge storm rolled in. He wound up sleeping with me that night because it was the only way he’d calm down.
When he went to his mother’s house a few days later, I got a call from her. She asked me how he did with the storm, then got onto me for sleeping with him. She told me that it’s okay to tuck him in whenever there’s a storm, but sleeping with him will make him soft.
I tried to tell her that it was the only way he would calm down, but she wouldn’t listen. She literally wouldn’t let me talk, she just kept shushing me. After a few minutes of this, I blew up. I cussed her out for about 5 minutes, I finished the call, saying that I can comfort him however he wants.
I’ve never done that to her before and I feel extremely bad. I was just mad that she went out of her way to tell me what to do at my house. ###### | NTA. It sounds like she's raising him with a lot of toxic ideas about masculinity. You should seriously discuss with your son about what sorts of things your ex thinks "men are" or "men should do" or "men should be." Alternate boys as needed. ###### |
I really like to crochet and knit, and it's best to have specific yarn scissors. Mine are really good and I love them, it's so satisfying to snip the yarn. Because they are made specifically for yarn, if you use them on other materials, like paper, cardboard, etc, it will damage and blunt them.
Me and my two brothers (who actively ensure they know nothing of fibercrafts) were sat watching a film together. I like to crochet while watching TV as it keeps my hands occupied, while my brother prefers to fiddle with whatever's around. My bag crochet equipment was on the sofa next to us, and he took my scissors out to fiddle with. I told him not to because they are very sharp and he could hurt someone or damage them. He gave them back and I put them in the bag.
Later on, I needed the loo so left the room. When I came back, he had taken the scissors out of the bag, and was cutting up a piece of cardboard (a tetley's tea box, if anyone's interested). I was really annoyed and told him to stop and give me my scissors. Even after me explaining that yarn scissors are not for cardboard or paper, he is adamant that he didn't do anything wrong. I think he's in the wrong because they're my scissors, I specifically asked him not to use them, the cardboard did not need cutting up, and him doing so damaged my property! Both my brothers think I'm overreacting and that he didn't do anything wrong. He is now winding me up by saying that he will use my scissors to cut some cardboard again. I just want him to apologise and not do it again! ###### | NTA. It sounds like he’s intentionally antagonizing you to get your attention. The fact that he waited for you to leave before going in to your bag suggests he knows that he’s doing something wrong. ###### |
Basically, I accidentally knocked my friend’s appliance off the kitchen counter, shattering it. I told him I would order a new one, no problem. But now he’s saying he’d rather have the cash. Only problem is he’s insisting on $40 more than the price I’d pay on amazon for the exact same make and model. WIBTA if I said it’s either I order it or I give the amazon price in cash, not anything more? ###### | NTA. it sounds like he's trying to guilt you into giving him more money than it was worth. ###### |
I was on an online meeting when he came back from grocery shopping. Came into the bedroom to give me a kiss. I move because it was not professional. He got mad and slammed the door. Coffee break I come out and we get into a fight where he basically tells me that it's useless what I do for a living. I get mad and go back to work. Bf comes on again to apologize WHILE I am trying to listen to a progress report that is essential to what I need to do. I mute the call and tell him to gtfo. He is all pouty. After work I come out and am already livid at that point. Bf wants to start the fight all over again and I tell him that I need time to cool down if we want to have a discussion and not a fight. He tells me we should settle things then and there. I say not of you don't want me to get nasty. I leave to our roommates room who is currently back home. I haven't spoken to him since yesterday at 10 pm. He called me an asshole this morning for giving him a childish silent treatment.
AITA? ###### | NTA. It sounds like he has poor boundaries and low self control. ###### |
AITA for telling my sister her bf sucks
So my sister (20) and I(24) are roommates and she started dating her bf (24) about a year ago. Sister and I have always been close and when she got a boyfriend I was excited to get to know him, but every time we met he was standoffish and would just go to my sisters room. I brushed it off as social awkwardness and didn’t press it. So in a year we’ve had a handful of conversations (again he doesn’t seem to want to get to know me and I didn’t mind). Recently I went on a 2 hour trip with sister, her bf and her bf’s friends. On the trip him and his friends started to saying extremely racist and homophobic things, which really upset me. After this continued on for a while I finally asked them to stop, which turned into a tangent on how I can’t handle the facts. My sister seemed equally irratated but it seemed she let it go by the next day, I however was still horrified. Anyways two days later we meet again I try being cordial and he just insults me, and my sister did not stand up to him so I told him he was being rude and he should leave. He leaves and my sister turns on me for being a “bitch” and being sensitive. I said he has a place why don’t you hang out there, because I don’t feel comfortable with him being around the way he’s been acting (not to mention he constantly has a g*n on him in our house). Next day he’s back and refuses to acknowledge me and I here them complaining about me in her room which obviously hurts my feelings. So after he leaves I confront her about him being so racist and homophobic and rude and making me all around uncomfortable and she turns it into a screaming match, essentially saying what do I want her to do. Anyways I feel like I should’ve just kept my mouth shut regarding the situation as it seems to have made things worse and I don’t want to fight with my sister but i don’t want to see her end up with someone who is obviously a bad dude. ###### | NTA. It seems your sister is being a bit naive, if he's like this toward you, and her reaction tells me perhaps he could be manipulative or even emotionally abusive towards your sister behind closed doors. I would have reacted the same toward them being racist and homophobic, sounds like he was showing his ass in front of his friends, and it deserved to be confronted and shut down. ###### |
Husband *has* to make a comment about anything I watch. Sitcom on? "Ew, I hate her hair." Historical video, "what are you watching?" Only for him to leave or interrupt within five seconds of me beginning to explain it. Watching a dog training video? "That's not how you train the dogs." He made fun of Frozen 2 relentlessly while our kids were watching. Thankfully the oldest has learned to tune him out, so nobody but me minded.
We have half a dozen screens in the home, so if he doesn't want to watch what's on my TV (I almost exclusively watch in our upstairs living room and we have two TVs downstairs and he has his own man cave with a gigantic computer monitor) he has the option to leave. I'm so sick of his pessimism at anything I'm watching that I'll pause my show or put on some comedy that you don't need dozens of episodes to understand what the heck is going on.
So, once again, AITA here? He makes it seem like I am vastly overreacting and that I should take his comments in stride. ###### | NTA. It seems you're husband is just being obnoxious and rude and tries to make it seem like you're overreacting. ###### |
So my wife and I married in 2007. We had our first child in 2010 and our second child in 2013. Fast forward 5 years in July 2018 and we begun separation proceedings.
I left the house in Feb 2019 and we'd been working with couple therapists and then
a mediator for an amicable separation. We signed off on a separation agreement in December 2019.
Tonight, we had agreed that my daughter would spend the next 3 days with me and
my son would stay with her. I had given him a dumbphone with some credit in case he needed to contact me. He texts me begging me to pick him up.
So I ring my wife twice and text her wondering what the story is, no answer, so I drive over to
collect my son. At this stage, not wanting to drive off with him without her knowledge, and also to make sure she's OK, I ring the police. They show up, somehow speak to her. They ascertain she was too drunk and they say my son will stay me until tomorrow. I ask them if I did the right thing, they reply "Yes 100%".
They're going to open a case and refer her to a Child Protection Agency.
Just as I drove off, she storms out of the house and gives the finger, swears at me and banged on the car as I drove off. The kids are in shock and don't want to stay with her again.
I don't want to destroy her life. I want things to work but I've had enough. AITA for calling the police on her? ###### | NTA. It seems like your kids dont feel safe staying with her, and i think that tells all. It's not like she got mad at your son so he asked you to pick him up. He asked cause he didnt feel safe with her. Police intervention is probably a good thing if you're children are uncomfortable staying with her, and since the police told you it was the right move I assume theres a valid case against her having custody ###### |
I am an atheist and my last roommate was a devout muslim. She used to be very regular with her prayers and practices and was a pleasant person to be around overall. I never interfered with her religious beliefs, and in fact, used to co-operate with her to assist her with it, eg I took down the poster of an actor near my table, since she said she couldn’t have that in the direction and same room she prayed, fasting along with her (i just did it for health reasons/fun), going with her to festival celebration events etc.
Things were fine for a while, but few months she started to berate my lifestyle as an atheist and started saying how much more meaningful life as a religious person is. May be she misunderstood my involvement with her to my interest in her religion, but she seemed to always bring the conversation to why being religious, and particularly muslim is the right way of life. Eg, getting upset if I drink, or commenting on how my dress one time was too short, or how ‘good and virtuous women’ should be covered up, or how I’m stupid to be an atheist. I guess she said all of that frankly when we were better friends. She made me grudgingly watch the movie ‘the message’ and I sat through it, and tried to ‘preach’ how good it was. Basically this preaching became a regular thing, even though I never has asked for it.
So one time when I got fed up of the religion talks, I told her off saying “ I don’t care about your religion and what it stands for, I chose to be an atheist and I don’t want you to tell how good your religion is because frankly I think all religions are baseless and so is yours. So please back off”. She seems to think my anger was misplaced and comments on her religion was uncalled for.
Since then she moved out after a few cold days, and has been telling people that I’m islamophobic. AITA? ###### | NTA. It seems like you said it as nicely as you could and even took an interest in her religion/were respectful of it until she started pushing it on you. ###### |
My eldest son and his wife got married a few years ago. Initially, they moved out of state after their wedding for my son’s work. Then things went downhill. My DIL got pregnant and quit her job to be a SAHM. Shortly after the baby was born, however, my son lost his job as well. Their savings drained quickly and it was too expensive to live in their state. My wife and I said they could live with us while they got back on their feet, on the condition that both got jobs. This was 2 years ago and they’ve lived with us ever since. Both work and while they don’t pay rent, they cover all their own expenses, along with the baby’s.
Recently, however, they told us that they were planning on having a second child. My wife and I said if they wanted a second child, they had to move out. We love our grandchild but we don’t want another baby in the house. And to me, if they can afford another child, they can afford to move out. They said we can’t tell them whether or not they can have another baby. I said if they’re living in our house, I absolutely can.
My wife and I still have two other kids living at home. My other son is a single parent as well and has a child (4) who lives here full time. He has no plans of having more kids and is close to moving out (would’ve sooner but with the shutdowns it messes up his search). We can’t have another kid around here.
Are we being assholes here? ###### | NTA. It seems like they might be counting on you for free childcare in addition to free rent--that's too much to ask. And honestly, 2nd baby or not, 2 years is more than enough time to get back on their feet and get their own place. ###### |
Yesterday my(16) dad(42) asked me if I wanted to go out onto the lake with him on the boat. I said no thank you, and he got upset. At this point it's understandable.
I don't like the water, and I don't care for boating. It's not my kinda thing. But he's been giving me a bit of silent treatment and isn't really saying anything to me. He seems to want space or something of the sort, so I haven't said much either.
Just a few minutes ago, my sister told me she wanted to hang out with me, -she's with my dad-. So I say sure and head out there. It's all chill and we start watching TV. My dad asks me about taking care of the animals, and that's when it goes downhill. He asked me if I knew he was upset with me, and I said yes. He then asked why I thought that. I assumed it was because of the refusal to go out on the boat with him.
He said it was never about the boat, it was about spending time with him. Then, he said that it sucks that he has to make his kids spend time with him, and said that he does what I want, even if he doesn't like it, and that he does everything for me. I can't remember any scenarios like that, I don't do much besides stay at home. It made me feel shitty and I don't know how to really feel.
He continued then asked me, "How do we fix this?" I told him we could find something to do. He then said, "What if I don't want to hang out with you?" I said that it was fine, and that I can't force him to. He asked if I could accept that, I said, "I guess."
He then stepped outside for some air, more upset, and I have no idea what just happened, nor what to do. So I just went to my room.
I love hanging out with him, but the boat isn't fun and I'm not ready for the water. I feel like I should go, but I feel like we could do other stuff instead. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. It seems like he's feeling left out or unloved. I would let him cool down for a few days then offer to hang out with him. Maybe suggest a hike or something like that where you can still be outside, but it's not on the water. A lot of the time dads feel like their kids aren't there for them, but in reality dads are so busy that they don't have any spare time to put towards their kids. Definitely offer to hang out with him. It might help your relationship ###### |
I own and run a webshop selling a food product. I started it in 2017. I also work a full-time job to sustain it - only this year do I stand to make an actual profit. I say that just so you know I'm not some greedy business owner who is rolling in dough.
I have a generous refund policy for people who aren't satisfied, even if sometimes people abuse it. Yesterday a lady contacted me saying that she received and was charged for $22 worth of merchandise and that we must have stolen her info to purchase the product with her card, sending it to her.
I looked at the details through our credit card processor. The order was placed using the same email address that the lady used to write from. FYI, for security reasons, the full credit card details aren't available to us - just the last 4.
The credit card processor captures the IP address for fraud analysis, and the IP address used to place the order was near the lady. The lady received an order confirmation plus 3 separate tracking updates, all to the same email she was contacting me from. The product was delivered about 10 days prior to her email claiming fraud.
It's very apparent that either 1) She is scamming and ordered it herself, or 2) someone in her household ordered it - someone with whom she is so close that she shares credit card and email info. Certainly I didn't steal her info, and it would be absurd if a stranger did that, as the product was sent to the lady using her own email. It's also possible that she has memory issues and has simply forgotten.
I relayed the above info and asked her to please check with household members. I told her that if she confirms, I can send her a return label, whereas usually I would just refund without a hassle. I usually am quick to refund, but this just seems so flagrant.
AITA for not just refunding her on the spot, and for suggesting that it's highly unlikely anyone but her (or someone in her household) deliberately purchased this? ###### | NTA. It seems fishy to me that she contacted you like hey I need a refund this is fraud. The one time I got my card info stolen, I obviously needed a new card number and I wasn't going to wait for a refund to process before getting my new card. So I had to hop through all these hoops with my bank to get my refund.
Your return policy is clear but she also didn't approach you going hey I ordered a wrong thing. Can I get a return label and refund.
She came to you claiming fraud. ###### |
The title may sound bad, but please hear me out.
I recently started living with my fiancé, and he has an 12-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. From what Iʼve seen, she has a very loving and close bond with her mom. Theyʼre always texting, calling each other, always smiling and hugging, etc. and I donʼt think itʼs my place to intervene in that. Itʼs pretty clear to me that she already has a good maternal figure in her life and she never expressed wanting another. To put it in simpler terms, I donʼt want her to think that Iʼm trying to replace her mom and I donʼt want to replace her mom either (since she doesnʼt need or want that).
Of course, I care about her and love her, but Iʼm sure her mom loves her 100 times as much. As weʼre all going to be living together now, weʼre getting to know each other better, and she asked me if she was supposed to think of me as a mom. I told her that even though I do care about her, she already has a much more special bond with her mom, that I wonʼt be able to replicate that, and that she probably wonʼt love me as much as her no matter how close we get (I wasnʼt as blunt / descriptive as this). So, I ended it with saying that she should think of me as more of a really involved aunt than a mom.
She told me that she was completely fine with that, and didnʼt really seem to care. My fiancé overheard this, and later confronted me saying that I was being a jerk by saying all of those things, and that I “basically said I did not want to be involved in her life” (even though thatʼs not what I meant, itʼs more about *her* feelings about me coming into her life rather than *my* feelings about coming into hers). AITA? ###### | NTA. It makes sense and it should be fine if she is fine with it. There would probably be a lot of mothers that wouldn't like it if the stepmom tried to replace them. ###### |
I’m Indian, Gujarati to be precise. Like all Indians my regional food is a point of pride for me and although I’m 2nd gen American I still love my homelands foods.
My wife is American and our kids our obviously half white half Indian. I’ve never taken an active interest in cooking Asian foods before but all of a sudden I have time on my hands and I miss my parents so decided to reconnect with the culture and start to cook for myself.
Anyhow I always clean up etc and use the regular old dishes and pots and pans, but my wife absolutely hates the smell of Indian food and says that not only does it stink but that my food is staining the dishes because I use a lot of turmeric / haldi.
She says that our kids find that food too spicy (7 and 8) and that it’s upsetting their stomachs if I give them that food. I have heard 0 complaints from the kids although they do find it a bit spicy but as a kid I ate it and it’s fine, they eat their food with a glass of milk and lots of roti and it turns out ok.
Anyway she has asked me to stop cooking and says it’s not fair considering the dishes are stained and that she thinks it’s gross. I said no problem we can just buy new dishes. She said well it stinks. I said it doesn’t smell any more than other food AND we have the range hood that sucks up a lot of smells etc.
She also says she has to scrub at the dishes to get the stains out - I personally don’t see any yellow stains otherwise I would do it but she apparently does.
Anyway I told her it’s important to me and my culture, and I want the kids to experience it too. she rolled her eyes at me and said it’s just a phase and I need to be mindful cuz we are all at home together. She is usually incredibly respectful of our cultural / ethnic differences so idk if I’m being the asshole here or not. ###### | NTA. it kinda sounds like she's just making a new thing to to contradict each solution or positive thing you say about it? plus saying "it's a phase" to want to share your culture with your own kids is super messed up ###### |
This wasn't really an issue until lockdown, when friends/flatmates' bfs moved in with us and we went from 3 people (out most of the time) to 6 people (in all of the time) with only 1 bathroom.
I like long showers. Most days I'm in the bathroom for 20-25 minutes (from entering to exiting). Once a week I wash my hair, exfoliate, and shave, meaning I can be in the bathroom for up to 40 minutes. Because of this I avoid peak times (mornings and when everyone's getting ready for bed) and check if anyone needs in the bathroom before i go, either in person or a message on the group chat.
The problem is my flatmates bf has very short showers so thinks im extremely excessive. A few times now he has been out walking/running/cycling and is desperate for the toilet when he gets back. His gf has had to knock on the door and ask me to hurry up because he needs the toilet. I do then get out asap and shout that it's now free.
However they (flatmate and her bf) think I am being an AH for maintaining my "excessive showers" when there are now so many of us sharing. I really enjoy my long showers and have already stopped showering before bed to try and ease congestion. I don't think it's that unreasonable in my own flat but feel kind of bad if it's causing major problem, so AITA? ###### | NTA. It isn’t his home - it’s yours. You are being considerate and 25 minutes in off-peak times doesn’t sound very excessive to me at all. ###### |
So I’m ¼ Japanese and ¾ British/French/German. My husband is Scottish/British. We’re expecting our first daughter together early fall and recently got into an impasse about names.
I wanted my daughter’s middle name to be my Japanese grandmother’s name - Miyoko. Not only did I think the name was beautiful and flowed really nicely with the first name we have chosen for her, I wanted to honour my grandmother, who I had a very close relationship but sadly passed away three years ago. She was the one who taught me a bit of Japanese and how to cook her family recipes, I’m very proud of this part of my heritage and intend to pass this along to my daughter.
However, my husband is saying that naming our daughter, who will very likely not look Japanese is culture appropriation. (I disagree with culture appropriation because our daughter will be part Japanese, even though it’s only ⅛ - maybe I’m wrong so please correct me if I am!) Also, he said it would be cruel to give her such a foreign sounding name when she clearly won’t look the part and perhaps other kids might make fun of her for that.
Now, the last thing I want is to give my daughter a name where she would have a hard time with. But at the same time, I genuinely don’t feel like it’s a problem, considering how I think it’s a beautiful name with a significant meaning. It shows off part of her heritage and honours her great grandmother. Also, it’s going to be her middle name so it’s not like that’s what she’ll be referred to on a daily basis. Am I in the wrong here? ###### | NTA. It isn’t cultural appropriation because your daughter will be, in part, Japanese. Also, it’s a middle name. Kids aren’t going to know her middle name, let alone give her shit for it. If your husband just doesn’t like it, he should say that. ###### |
My sister, (27) thinks that i (31M) can’t own a cat because I’m a man, but it goes far beyond that. Whenever she came over she would always throw stuff at my cat or would lock it in a closet, making me search for her for hours and leaving me to put her up for a hotel. She always tells me that the next time she sees my cat she’s going to take her and give her away because it’s “gay” to have cats? We’re having a family reunion at my house the day quarantine is over to celebrate my parent’s retirement and while making preparations, I told my sister that I refuse to let my sister stay at my house. Well she apparently already booked arrangeable plane tickets and worked it out with work but I told her that she should cancel because my cat is apart of my family and if she wants to get rid of it then she can’t participate in the family reunion. My sisters pretty pissed, AITA? ###### | NTA. It is your responsibility as a cat owner to *not* let people like this around your cat. ###### |
Just some background, I belong to a low-income family so it took me a lot of hard work to earn a laptop. It’s the only thing that I use for school as all my notes are in there. Especially now that we have a crisis, it’s gonna be hard to buy a new one if I ever break or lose my laptop.
Recently, my sister accidentally broke her chromebook that she’s been using for school. We have no way to have it fixed because of the situation. She’s been known to accidentally break things (her charger, bike, etc) because of her carelessness. The only other device that she has is her iPad but she complains that it’s too small to do her homework. So, my dad asked if my sis could borrow my laptop. I said no because i’m scared she might break it, but my dad got mad because he couldn’t afford to buy her a new chromebook yet. So AITA? ###### | NTA. It is your property that you worked for, so you have the right to say no. She has a history of breaking things so you are justified in being worried that she might break you laptop, in which case you would both be screwed. She is the one who broke her chromebook, so why should you suffer for it? Let her live with the consequences of her own actions. If he can't afford to buy her a new chromebook then he definitely can't afford to buy you anew laptop if she breaks it. ###### |
Throwaway and on mobile
So my dad recently passed away from cancer and in his will, he clearly stated that I am to inherit everything, and my 3 younger siblings get nothing, the reasoning behind my father's decision is because my siblings had cut contact from him when he divorced my mum, (it was a mutual divorce but my mum had manipulated them into thinking he had an affair) and only talked to him when they needed money, despite that he always sent texts trying to check in their lives but they wouldn’t respond.
My father had left a letter explaining that he was hurt and disappointed that they had left him and why they wouldn’t be receiving anything, his last wish to me was to ensure that I never gave a dime to my siblings. So I don’t know if I should carry out with my father’s wish.
I believe that the fair route would be to donate it all to charity but my siblings are calling me the asshole because I’m not giving the money to them.
Edit: Thank you guys for your opinions. Means a lot. ###### | NTA. It is your father's wish to give the money to you, so know that he trusts you with it. Your siblings are just trying to guilt you for the money. If they care enough about your father, they would've at least responded to the messages. They only care about his money. ###### |
My(25) boyfriend(23) was still an art student when we got together, so he used to have me be his model to practice drawing, sometimes nudes even. I am quite okay with it as long as he doesn't show them around to other people and he respected that.
For my birthday he used one of his old sketches of me, one with me completely bare, and recreated them as a full coloured digital painting and gave it to me. He did a wonderful job, it was so much better in comparison to his previous sketch and he added more details to it and even added flowers and some light orbs(sorry, not sure how to describe)to make it better.
We have come to a disagreement however when he wanted to put that painting in his portfolio.
I told him that I am not comfortable to have a painting of me completely bare to be out there in public. His painting is so life like that I am sure people who know me can tell by its face that it is me. Furthermore, it a birthday gift for me and it feels bad to have it up in for public view
My boyfriend said that the painting is one of his best, his masterpiece even. It would be a shame if he cannot use it for advertising, especially since he wanted others to have him do commissions. also said that while it is a painting of me, it is not really me, it is a painting, an artwork of his.
While we argued my boyfriend came to say that people wouldn't recognize it as me since I don't have the same body I had before(I gained weight recently). This set me off and I threw him out of the room. I am writing this while he is outside apologising. ###### | NTA. It is your choice how your body is used, and this is an image of your body - so your choice.
His reference to your weight gain is out of line and incredibly rude and manipulative.
He can update any other image, specifically one where you are clothed, and create a masterpiece from that for his portfolio ###### |
On Thanksgiving of 2018 my sister (34) and mother (58) mentioned to me (f21) “You know you’re going to have to take care of your nephew when we’re gone?” My nephew (15) has severe non verbal autism, mixed with some other disabilities I was never given the exact details on, and he will never be able to live on his own. As I’ve thought about it more as time passed, I realized that I really don’t want that responsibility put on me and my fiancé (f23) when we are older. We both suffer from some mental illnesses, and we both ultimately decided we wanted to be child free the rest of our lives. I know taking care of my nephew will compromise that since he will essentially just be a big kid.
I also do not feel comfortable being around my nephew because of an incident that happened back when I was in high school babysitting him alone. He tried to force me into bed with him. Luckily I was taller and older than him and I could scold him and tell him no, but the incident made me uncomfortable being around him alone. My mom pushed it off as him being hormonal and not knowing better because of his disabilities, but that didn’t make me feel any better. Now he is 6” compared to my height of 5’4” and is much stronger.
The problem is that whenever I’ve mentioned not wanting to take care him to my mom, (I have not mentioned it to my sister since then. Our relationship is strained and we don’t talk much outside of family gatherings.) she brushes it off by saying “You don’t have to worry about that yet.” And then changes the subject.
I do still care about my nephew but taking care of him would be too much for me and my fiancé who would be more so forced into it than me. I know it sounds selfish, but I don’t want to be responsible for him when I’m older but I feel like because I seem much more put together than the other candidates it’s being forced upon me.
So, WIBTA? ###### | NTA. It is up to your sister to make arrangements for the care of her son. She can't just assume that you would take care of him. ###### |
So I am an ex Muslim but My family, my mom, dad and sisters are Muslim and still follow Islam quite devoutly. When I was younger, my parents used to abuse me quite badly whenever I would complain about Ramadan and fasting and also for other reasons like if I neglected prayers or made mistakes during my Quran studies. When I was 16, I left the religion as I was appalled by many of the things in the religion as well as all the unnecessary restrictions and things you are forbidden to do.
As I grew older I also got into weightlifting and I developed a bit of temper and my parents stopped abusing me as much as they did because I started standing up for myself
This is the first Ramadan where I am not fasting and my parents are giving me the silent treatment, they’re obviously livid but they’re not saying anything. My sisters are saying that even though I don’t believe in the religion I should still fast and be respectful. But I want to stick to my guns and not fast as a way of but I have given some zakat (charity) though.
AITA? ###### | NTA. It is ridiculous to expect you to adhere to a religion you don't believe in.
They are probably just salty that you can eat but they can't. ###### |
So my parents have been having issues for as long as I can remember, but the last few months it has gotten worse. Today my parents called me (F21) and my little brother downstairs to announce they're getting a divorce. My dad was adamant in saying "this is your mom's doing, I don't want this, all the hurt is on her", without ever reflecting on his own wrongdoings in this relationship.
I fully understand that he is hurt in this situation and that he doesn't want to hear from his own daughter that she agrees to a divorce- Basically agreeing to breaking up the family. I tried to explain that I rather see them happy separately and that a house filled with arguments and emotional manipulation isn't a good place for me and my little brother.
He interrupted me saying that he called me down to have his "semi-adult" daughter try to mend their relationship and support them in fixing their marriage- like a mediator. He stood up, pointed his finger in my face, and said: "I'm disappointed, disappointed, disappointed. Here you are siding with your mom to wreck this family.".
I know it wasn't the answer he wanted to hear, but how can he expect me to lie and side with him when I don't agree at all? I have tried in the past to help my parents out- my mom had compromised tremendously and my dad simply can't see what is so frustrating to my mom (the fact that he just can't see his inability to put himself into someone else's shoes and understanding people can have a different opinion without it making him the bad guy).
So, I suppose what I am wondering is: am I the asshole for having said what I said in a very polite way? I've been crying my eyes out for over an hour now. Just hearing my dad say I'm a disappointment so unapologetically really fucking hurts. ###### | NTA. It is never appropriate, no matter the age, to put children in the middle of a divorce. I do divorce work and it makes me want to pull my hair out when people do this. It is unfair and borderline cruel to the children and absolutley nothing good can come out of it, but a lot of damage can result. ###### |
Alright, here's the situation:
I am doing shit on my laptop, it needs updates and all that, since I just recently bought it and freshly installed Windows. I set the language on English despite German being my mother tongue.
So my sister comes by and she sees my new laptop. She wanted to see it so I gave it to her. Then she asks why I changed the language on English. I tell her that it's because it's easier to follow good tutorials written in English, and that I find it annoying to translate English to German to search for it.
She then went on to question why I had difficulty translating and I say sometimes translating isn't as easy as she thinks. I then went on with pretty shit examples, which she translated.
So I tried to justify me choosing English for some time, which only semi worked.
After that, she said I could always search those things in English even on a german machine, which she proved. She then said that I was probably only doing it to show off, which was when I got really angry.
I told her that it's because I like it on English and I questioned her why she had to be such a prick about it. I told her that I found the way she talked to me very condescending and mean. She then told me that I should calm down and that I should understand her position. She said that she knew my reasons were wrong and that she knew she was right. I should have said earlier that it's because of preference.
In her view I was kinda angry from the beginning, that's what she told me, and that I was getting unreasonably worked up.
I know this is pretty trivial and shit, and we're both over it as it happenwd some time ago. But sometimes I can't help but think who was the asshole.
So I wanted to ask AITA for being annoyed and angry at her after this, or is it her. ###### | NTA. It is literally none of her business what language your laptop is set on, and she's completely ridiculous for even bringing up the matter. And she's got a hell of a nerve telling you to "calm down" when she'd been attacking you over nothing.
Next time, skip the justifications and just tell her it's your laptop and you'll use it any way you like. ###### |
My GF of 5 years whom i love recently became hardcore vegan. We live at my ranch out in the country on a few acres of land. I own a flock of about 15 hens and a rooster as well. I'm not a farmer or anything but these guys are my pets. I am to emotionally attached to my hens to eat them but have no problem with eating other meat.
My girlfriend wants to get rid of them cause they give her PTSD and reminds her of how terrible chickens are treated elsehwere. She also gets made at me for eating their eggs without their consent. I agreed to get rid of them because I am a pushover but then changed my mind. she said I was a liar and a backstabber and we are having a serious problem with this.
AITA? ###### | NTA. It is kind of weird to put chickens in a place where they might be mistreated then keep them there and treat them well. She has some backwards thinking and I would dump her and keep the chickens. ###### |
I'm 21f and I been with my boyfriend since freshman year of high school. I love my boyfriend and I do see having children and a house. I don't like the idea of marriage. I told my boyfriend this many times. Two weeks ago he proposed in our apartment. I said no and we fought and I went in the guest room. We haven't spoken in two weeks.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. It is better to not get married if you don't want to. But don't understand your concept of having kids, house and a life partner but not marriage. Can you explain? ###### |
My mom was raised in Kashmir. Muslims took over the territory, burned down her house, killed her dad, and they fled to India in the middle of the night. My entire family hateeees Muslims because of this.
So they’re super islamophobic. But also my mom was once robbed by a black person, so she also uses that to say she hates black people.
She says it’s normal. She went through a trauma, and now because of past events she knows to avoid these groups of people.
Well, my friend was attacked by a Poodle. She know says she hates poodles, wants nothing to do with the breed, and now avoids them when she’s out about about.
My mom was like, “Eh, that’s unfair. Any dog can bite. Why hold a grudge against poodles, in general? Just hate the poodle that did the attacking.”
And I was like, “You’re joking, right? That’s so hypocritical. You talk about how you don’t like certain groups of people all the time. It’s the same logic. Why hold a grudge against a whole group of people? Just hate that person.”
She was like, “It’s not the same at all. Poodles aren’t any more likely to attack you than say a Golden Retriever. It’s about the individual.”
I was like, “???? Uh, same for black people. Muslim people. It’s about the individual.”
She was like, “How are you comparing races of people to dog breeds? Not the same. Shut up, you sound dumb.”
But it’s the same logic, right? Literally the same. You’re saying group X is bad, and I hate all of them because of a past experience.
So, who is right here? Is it hypocritical? Obviously my mom is an asshole for being racist, but I’m talking specifically in this argument, is she wrong?
On a side note, there are some dogs that are more dog-aggressive etc because they have been bred to be like that. But we aren’t talking about those breeds. A poodle isn’t anymore likely to attack someone than, like, a Lab or whatever. ###### | Nta. It is absolutely about the individual not the culture or race or breed. Its like saying I ate pancakes once and got an upset stomach but every other time I was fine but now I don't eat pancakes. Correlation does not equal causation ###### |
My husband (36) and I have two kids, my husband also has autism and so does my son (17) both relatively mild cases. My daughter and I do not share this mental disability with them.
Now I’m a nurse which means due to COVID I’ve had to be at my workplace, my husband however could work at home. My children being school aged were also obviously home. I noticed that after the first few weeks my daughter started receiving a lot more money from my husband, I noticed my son also giving money , and when restrictions were eased car rides in addition seemed available to my youngest.
I called In sick so I’m off two weeks, and I’ve noticed that when my daughter asks for things from my son or husband she’ll try to either hug them or raise her voice.
These are both sensory overloads for them and they’ll agree to anything to make it stop and avoid a meltdown, before they hate loud noises and uninitiated physical contact.
I know this because I admittedly have done this myself ONCE before when my husband didn’t want to go to the doctor So wrapped my arms around him for like half a minute while I asked him to get in the car and let me take him to the doctor he agreed after he started to freak out.
So I confronted my daughter about this and she said she didn’t know what I was talking about, I asked her to explain to me how it’s okay for her to try to overwhelm like that and she started to get angry so she went to her room, I then went to my husband and say we should punish her after I explained the situation, he got mad and said there’s no way he’s being taken advantage of by a 14 yr old, I asked him if he was under duress when she asked for something from him and he refused to answer and went to our room and locked the door.
AITA for trying to punish my daughter for taking advantage of my husband and son ? ###### | NTA. It is a good idea to teach your daughter at her age that manipulation is abusive. ###### |
My 14 year old niece loves to sing. She isn’t going to be the next America idol or anything, but she isn’t under the illusion that she is, she just has a lot of fun performing for the family and making videos on YouTube.
I’ve always encouraged her, (by watching and commenting on the videos, asking her to sing for us when I’m over, etc.) because it was a chance for her to be create and outgoing and have fun.
Lately her parents have been hounding me to stop encouraging her. They say it’s not a good use of her time if she isn’t going to take it seriously and since she doesn’t have the capacity to become any kind of great performer, that she should really be focusing her time on other things.
That’s their prerogative at home how they want to do it, but I didn’t feel right suddenly stopping asking her to sing for us or stopping interacting with her videos.
Her parents are now royally pissed at me and my brother says I’m an asshole for ignoring such specific instructions. Am I the asshole? Or do I just have a difference of opinion? ###### | NTA. It is *so* common nowadays that if a hobby can't be commercialized then there's no use pursuing it. That is TOTAL BS. Ask her to sing!! Interact with her videos!! She doesn't have to pursue it seriously for it to be fun and engaging, and neither does she have to be the next Taylor Swift. It's perfectly fine to be rather mediocre and still have fun doing the thing. ###### |
Before covid, still a problem.
My daughter (15F) barely misses school, she always goes. She's barely sick, she's very healthy, and she has excellent grades so I'm very lenient and free on whatever she does, and me and her go to the movies a lot when the report cards come out as celebration.
Anyway my husband works and he comes home at night sometines, sometimes early.
When I woke up my daughter that day , she said that she had this big headache and couldn't go. She's never made an excuse like that, and sometimes she has a runny nose or a small headache she still goes so I assumed this was bigger and let her stay home.
We had fun that day, watched movies etc.and after 3 hours she become better. My husband came early and freaked out and asked me why she was here that early, and said that just because she had a headache doesn't mean she can miss out on education and that she probably exaggerated the headache yada, yada.
Then he said that she doesn't get a free pass and we got into a small fight which was later resolved.
Aita? ###### | NTA. It doesn’t really matter if she was physically unwell or if there was an emotional reason behind her wanting to stay home. This was out of character, unusual and won’t affect her education - everyone needs a mental health day every so often.
If you had ignored her then it might have meant that she wouldn’t come to you in the future when she was struggling so you built some trust with her. ###### |
A few months ago I found a pair of Birkenstock’s at a thrift store. The exact style and size I wanted, perfect condition, for $17. I couldn’t believe it! I have been searching for some for years. I lent them to my sister so she could wear them to the beach yesterday. She comes in the house barefoot and I don’t think much of it, they’re probably in her car or bag. I ask her later that night for them as I was heading out and she realizes she forgot them at the beach. She said they started to hurt her feet so she opted to go barefoot and must have left them on accident. She goes back to check but they were no where to be found. I’m upset, of course, but she didn’t mean it on purpose. They’re shoes and can be replaced. These shoes are $100 new. I told her she could give me money, or she could buy a new pair herself. She said it wasn’t fair that I only paid $17 and she’d have to pay so much more. The ones she lost were real leather, and I wanted her to buy the vegan leather as a replacement, as I don’t buy new leather. This is already saving her 30 to 40 bucks. I told her I’d be fine with a second hand pair in good condition, and told her of a few websites were she could find some. Even those were around $50-60 dollars and she didn’t want to pay it. I loved those sandals and barely even got a chance to wear them because it was still cold when I found them. AITA for making her pay for new sandals? ###### | NTA. It doesn’t matter what you paid for them, she lost them and she needs to replace them whether she find some used ones in good condition or new. If you lost something of hers that she got on sale would she not expect you to replace it as well even if it was at full price? ###### |
My first wife had a group of best friends she was super close to. They were like sisters. One, we’ll call Faith, is the godmother to our oldest child. Sadly my first wife died due to complications with childbirth with our second child. The group of friends, Faith included, were there for me. This was 5 years ago.
3 years later, I met my current wife and we married this year. Through a lot of conversations, we finally decided it was time to answer my kids’ questions about how their mom died. In the past, I told them that she got sick and passed away, which is technically true. But I never went into details. They’re 5 & 7. I didn’t want my son blaming my daughter, I didn’t want my daughter to have any guilt. So, I finally decided to get them a therapist to talk about it. But with the pandemic, we have to wait a month.
The issue came up when Faith. She watches my kids. I told her our plan. She told me I should tell them, not a therapist. I said I’d rather have a professional’s help. Faith was really against it but I didn’t think much of it...until I came home from work and found out that she had told my kids. A child friendly version (“mommy got sick when having *daughter*”) but a version nonetheless. I was pissed.
I’ve banned her from the house and seeing the kids, while trying to help my kids emotionally process this. My wife is looking at nannies. The rest of the friend group says I overreacted, that Faith was just trying to help. I say it wasn’t her place. I told them if they keep it up, I’ll cut them all off. I’m so furious. My wife has told me that I’m starting to go too far.
Am I being an ass? ###### | NTA. It doesn’t matter if she thought what she was doing was right, she severely overstepped after you specifically told her how you wanted to handle it. She should never have been the one to tell them and it was a complete breech of trust. ###### |
So I'm going to be moving out of my toxic family's home later in may to a different city. My parents obviously responded poorly to my decision because they're both control freaks, and having me leave would mean they would no longer have any control over me. I made it clear that once I move I'm blocking them and cutting them off permanently.
Now today my mom decided that shes going to come to the city with me for two weeks when I move so she can "help" me.
I'm 18 and this woman still follows me to doctors appointments, the store, the gym, etc even though I ask her not to, and claims it's for "emotional suport" and shes "helping" me, even though she just creepily watches me for the most part. At doctors/dentists appointments she will talk over me, not letting me tell the doctor anything, and give all the wrong information. So I know that her "helping" is just a way of getting control over me under the guise of generosity.
Today I snapped and told her that I don't need her help, that I never asked for it, and her coming to the new place with me is just going to complicate things.
She responded by saying that I'm rude, a disrespectful and ungrateful child, saying that I never appreciate all the things that she does for me, and that she will never help me again.
AITA for not wanting her help?
Edit: You guys are right. There's a part of me that thinks that she genuinely wants to help but just doesn't know how, but reading over this thread made me realize that's not true. ###### | NTA. It doesn't sound like it was offered out of kindness and two weeks is entirely too long. She needs to let you grow up. ###### |
I've already posted here before but I'm going to post again because I had something else happen to me recently.
Background: I have a slight lisp that's easy to hear whenever I speak. Friends have pointed it out and joked about it but they know when to stop since I'm insecure about it. Often times, they'll repeat how I pronounced a certain phrase and say how it's unique and what not and that they enjoy picking out stuff I've said differently than them. I don't mind it.
Though, recently I was at a family member's house and they know how I can easily get upset whenever my lisp is pointed out. As I was talking to them, pronouncing words as best as I can, they kept on saying completely different words as if to point out that they couldn't understand me. I kept trying to say the same word over and over again (even though I knew I was saying it correctly) and yet, they still acted like I wasn't pronouncing it right.
Fed up, I had went back to room and heard them call after me, saying it was a joke.
To cut it short, the next morning they tried explaining to be that it wasn't nothing to get upset about and that they weren't doing anything wrong towards me. They explained that they were only joking and that I needed to suck it up and get a sense of humor. However, I tried to explain to them that it was something I was sensitive about and could only deal with so much before I become humiliated by my voice and that it was one of the things I had a problem with the most.
Am I the asshole for getting pissed off at a joke? Should I get a better sense of humor? They told me that I needed to act more mature about it and get over how I sounded but everytime I try, something like this happens and I don't have the confidence to do better. ###### | Nta. It doesn't matter if someone meant something as a joke, if you hurt someone's feelings you apologize and do the do it again. ###### |
I (late 30s M) was visiting an old friend from High School and his wife. I should mention that at the time I had just finished a doctorate in Math -- this is relevant to the story. There were a number of people hanging out. Most of them I knew but my friend's wife's friend Janice ( late 40's F) and her daughter Ellie (maybe 19 F) who i didn't know , were also there. My friend's wife introduced us: "Throwaway, this is my friend Janice and her daughter Ellie. Janice and Ellie this is our friend Throwaway. Throwaway just became a Doctor." Ellie ( the daughter) said "Are you single? I think that I would make an excellent trophy wife." I gave a big dramatic sigh and said "Sadly I'm not the kind of Doctor that gets to marry pretty young things. I'm the kind that teaches calculus to nerds. " Everyone laughed, we chatted a bit and I wandered off to play pool with the guys.
Now the mom and my friends wife seemed fine with what I said but i got a bunch of flak later from a couple of people (who were not even part of the original conversation) who said that it was "gross" that i was " flirting with someone half my age." I thought that this was a ridiculous way to characterize the whole interaction. So AITA? ###### | NTA. It actually seems like you jokingly shut down her flirty advances and moved on. You hardly preyed on her. ###### |
On Thanksgiving of 2018 my sister (34) and mother (58) mentioned to me (f21) “You know you’re going to have to take care of your nephew when we’re gone?” My nephew (15) has severe non verbal autism, mixed with some other disabilities I was never given the exact details on, and he will never be able to live on his own. As I’ve thought about it more as time passed, I realized that I really don’t want that responsibility put on me and my fiancé (f23) when we are older. We both suffer from some mental illnesses, and we both ultimately decided we wanted to be child free the rest of our lives. I know taking care of my nephew will compromise that since he will essentially just be a big kid.
I also do not feel comfortable being around my nephew because of an incident that happened back when I was in high school babysitting him alone. He tried to force me into bed with him. Luckily I was taller and older than him and I could scold him and tell him no, but the incident made me uncomfortable being around him alone. My mom pushed it off as him being hormonal and not knowing better because of his disabilities, but that didn’t make me feel any better. Now he is 6” compared to my height of 5’4” and is much stronger.
The problem is that whenever I’ve mentioned not wanting to take care him to my mom, (I have not mentioned it to my sister since then. Our relationship is strained and we don’t talk much outside of family gatherings.) she brushes it off by saying “You don’t have to worry about that yet.” And then changes the subject.
I do still care about my nephew but taking care of him would be too much for me and my fiancé who would be more so forced into it than me. I know it sounds selfish, but I don’t want to be responsible for him when I’m older but I feel like because I seem much more put together than the other candidates it’s being forced upon me.
So, WIBTA? ###### | NTA. It absolutely isn’t your responsibility to take care of your nephew at any point in his or your life. There are group home situations for this exact reason. Sounds like your sister needs to start looking into alternate housing for your nephew just in case. ###### |
Still using this account to ask advice I don't want my primary account to see.
I have a cousin who is a very 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' and 'gumption' kind of guy (despite the fact his parents are well off and he currently works at my uncle's company).
Well my cousin was ranting and raving on facebook about all the people filing for unemployment right now and how they're all just 'welfare queens' trying to game the system. Well I know he received a stimulus check and immediately spent it on a 4X4 because he posted pictures after he did it.
So I responded to his Facebook post by asking when he would be returning his government hand out as he obviously didn't need it. Well my Aunt didn't like that so I was immediately called and told to remove my comment and when I told her no she yelled at me.
Idk times are weird and I'm growing to give less of a flying F**k what do you think AITA? Did I go too far in calling out my cousin? ###### | NTA. Is your cousin an actual child?
I’d probably wage war on their facebooks now, but you know...stuff that can be explained away and will only drive *them* insane HA. ###### |
Some backstory:
So last November I (18F) moved in with my now ex-boyfriend (22M) to an apartment with 2 other people. These two people are married and we were friends with before moving in together. The husband (20M), we'll call him John, is in the military and his wife (20F), we'll call her Abby, worked part time at some store.
Recently John came back from a deployment and immediately upon him getting home she got pregnant. Now since she's been pregnant the chores that need to be done around the house haven't been getting down (dishes, trash, etc.). Now we don't take turns doing these chores but previously we had a talk and its a general rule that you wash your own dishes and if you see the trash needs to be taken out just take it out. But about a week and a half go John and Abby decided to cook and left their dishes in the sink, which is no biggy, but by the 3rd day they were in the sink I confronted John while he was sitting in the kitchen and asked if he was going to clean up the dishes.
He responded with "well Abby and I have both cleaned up the kitchen by ourselves why don't you."
I said "well they're not my dishes, why doesn't Abby just wash them"
He drops in the excuse that she's pregnant and doesn't want her doing a whole lot (which I understand) so I just left it alone. And my ex ended washing the dishes later that day because they had piled up and it was getting annoying.
Now this isn't the only situation that this has been an issue. But I told my ex that I'll be moving out because I don't feel respected and he says I'm in the wrong. ###### | NTA. Is John one of those guys who says "We're pregnant"? Because he needs to realise that's not a get-out-of-chores-free card for both of them, or even for one of them.
If his wife did have to have rest on medical grounds, he should be picking up the slack, not the rest of you. ###### |
So yesterday my gf and i went to the beach with her friend.
My gf is southern european (italian) and her friend is Northern European(Danish),when we arrived at the beach her friend offered her sunscreen ,my gf refused her offer and she said”i am italian i can handle the sun”,my gf has VERY pale skin that burns easily under the sun yet she tried to impress everyone by being “a badass who’s immune to sunburn” and of course she burned.
When i saw how red her face was i started laughing hysterically and i said “Being southern European doesnt make you immune to sunburn,play stupid games win stupid prizes”
Now some of our friends say that i am a huge asshole for laughing at her,i disagree.
She is super mad and she won’t talk to me ,so reddit AITA? ###### | NTA. Is it the nicest thing to laugh? No. Is it entirely her own fault it happened even when offered sunscreen? Yes. Am I also laughing? Absolutely.
I’m half black and even I still wear sunscreen *every day*. (Or at least every day I’m outside for more than ten minutes.) ###### |
My sister and I share a bathroom. The bathroom has two towel hangers.
Recently my sisters towel hanger broke off and now it needs to be completely replaced. She absolutely refuses to go and buy a replacement and install it.
Instead she has just been using my towel hanger. She will slide mine over so hers can fit too. Which I find gross. It’s been annoying the fuck out of me. So each time she does it I take her towel and put it in her laundry basket.
Now she has started to do the same thing with my towel even though it’s my towel hanger.
Im tired of going into the bathroom only to find my towel in the laundry basket all gross and damp, so today I went and just removed my whole towel rack and hid it. I got some hooks for the back of my bedroom door to use instead.
She got pissed off and came barging into my room to ask why happened to it.
I just said it was gone.
She asked what I meant and what happened to it.
I said I would put it back when she fixed her.
She said I was being childish and if I just shared mine it wouldn’t even be an issue. ###### | NTA. Is it petty? Yes. It's it a good idea in this situation? Also yes. ###### |
I'm furloughed today and my mom is visiting, so I kept our 11 month old home from daycare. My husband is unemployed, but studying for a test. He said not to expect help with the kid since he is studying. I said ok and was watching the baby while waiting for his grandmother to come over. My mom asked me to look at some old videos of me, so I had them playing. The kid was being loud. Suddenly, my husband comes out of the office and asks "how would you feel if the daycare workers watched videos while they're supposed to be caring for our son?"
I got angry and defensive. I told him if he was removing himself from watching the kid, he can't complain how I'm doing it. Plus, it's insulting to suggest I'm not caring for my son "good enough". Kids make noise and I'm not going to punish him for being a kid. I also pointed out it's insulting to daycare workers to suggest anyone can do their job.
So am I being a bad mother and getting mad at him for pointing it out or are his expectations out of line? ###### | NTA. Is he suggesting that you interact with the child his every waking moment? Because that's how you get kids who can't play alone or play imaginatively or experience boredom. ###### |
Hey guys! I F(21) have a very strained relationship with my father. Last year I walked in on him having an affair in our home. Prior to that he had been unfaithful to my mom on some other occasions (3 times total). After the incident during my freshman year of high school I made it clear to him if he did it again, he’d be dead to me. He did it again, and I made the decision to cut him out of my life. My mom had different plans though, she let him move back in after barely a month and started to bug me to talk to my dad again. This included inviting him on vacations, over for holidays, when I came back from university. In summary I stopped coming back home altogether. However because of covid I had to move back home, because the dorms shut down. My dad’s living at home too, and I’ve been struggling with it. My mom thinks because she forgave him, and the infidelity was in their relationship, I should move on. So she asks me to do things involving my dad, like text him, or call him, or help her buy him things, but I refuse because I am still uncomfortable with the situation. She tells me I’m using my discomfort as an excuse to be lazy, and that I’m ungrateful. Her forcing our relationship put a huge strain on her and my relationship and I’m having a lot of trouble staying home. I even got a full time job, just so I have an excuse to be out of the house for 40-50 hours a week. Am I being the asshole for not forgiving my dad about the affair, even though my mom did? ###### | NTA. Infidelity hurts the whole family and it sounds like your mother is unsure of how to cope. He broke his promise and you held yours. ###### |
Pretty simple story.
I recently bought condoms with my face. Not exactly bought, but a friend gave me a gift card to this website. I just went to a website, submitted a photo, and voila. In 3 months I got a package of around 1000 condoms.
I didn’t know what to do with that many condoms. So, I just gave a lot of them to my friends. It doesn’t show my face in the package, so it’ll be a pleasant surprise.
When I told my fiancée about it, she got really mad. She said that it’s akin to cheating. We did talk over it, and we both apologized.
I just want to know, if I was truly in the wrong.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA. In what way would that be considered cheating? ###### |
My bf and I have been together for about 6 years and we've had issues with his mom and stepdad( his stepdad hasn't done anything particularly harsh he's just there ). I for the first 4 years assumed she hated me. I would be invited to things only to be never picked up by my bf or his mom would do weird stuff like try to set him up with her friend's kids. Bf always told me she didn't hate me and that I was just exaggerating. I had even tried to ask her about her behavior toward the beginning of the relationship and she told me she'd get my bf to break up with me ( we were still in high school at the time).
Eventually it came out that no she didn't hate me but she thought I was an entitled bitch because I was at family events when I wasn't wanted. It came out that my bf never really asked if I was welcome and just would say he was going to bring me. She assumed that I was controlling him and that was her reasoning to act the way she did. Since then I have made myself scarce and don't show up to her events but I show up to his dad and stepmom's gatherings instead. When bf came clean to his parents I told him to ask his mom or stepdad to contact me if they would like me there. This is the general conflict my bf and I have had for the past year and some change. bf has not told them what I asked.
bf told me that I should trust in him telling me when I'm invited and he's been telling his parents that an accident I was in was the reason why I wasn't coming over. it is partially true. His brother spilled the beans that I've been visiting his dad and stepmom and his mom has been upset over this. I told bf that I want it to be clear that i'm wanted or not. He says that it would ruin his reputation with his family and he doesn't want that.
AITA for asking him to ask his parents to message me themselves when they want me around? ###### | NTA. In the past your boyfriend was inconsiderate both to you and to his family, and instead of coming clean he is letting you take the heat to "protect his reputation" with his family, whatever that means. What about his reputation with you? I can't fault you for wanting clarity from his mom lest you get wrongly flamed again. ###### |
Hi all!
My wife and me just found out we are going to have a baby, we have tried several times.
The thing is, my wife is a weed addict, she smokes 7 days a week the whole day and I told her that if she smoked weed while pregnant I would leave the house.
This was because last pregnancy I found she smoked weed several times through the pregnancy.
I'm surprised she's so addicted to it that the next days she smoked weed, this has been 4 days after I told her that I would leave if she smoked.
I demanded her to give me her weed or i'll leave, which she did, the problem is next day she asked me for it, but I dumped it all on the trash, so she got mad and stopped talking to me, and she actually went to buy more to her dealer.
She returned and smoked weed in the house 2 times that day, not giving a fuck about me and my child.
What should I do? I have tried to talk to her several times, telling her that I would not leave because she is obviously addicted and she needs help, and that she could talk to me anytime she had the urge to smoke or we could find professional help, but she got sad and mad and started crying and changing topics and leave, she's blaming this on me, when I'm just telling her that it was her choice to keep smoking weed or to care for our baby.
Nonetheless even if im being calm and trying to help her IM FUCKING MAD inside because thats my fucking son inside there and I DO want to leave her sometimes because this weed issue has been going through all our marriage, I was fine when she smoked 1 day or two, but the whole week at all times? Im fucking sick of it, but i love her and when she's not all smoked up I like to hang out with her.
AITA for leaving my house? and leaving her? obviously i would take care financially and lovingly of my son when she delivers. I just don't want to be married someone that prefers drugs than her son wellness and his husband ###### | NTA. In terms of what you should do, I mean, my first piece of advice is to stop getting her pregnant. Second bit of advice would be to document her caution-to-the-wind, I-don’t-give-a-fuck-about-my-child attitude and prepare for life as a single father. She clearly is in no place to be responsible for a baby if she can’t do something as simple as quit smoking weed. ###### |
My ex is a B-list reality TV personality. Obviously there is no respectable middle-aged woman who does reality TV. But I cut her slack because it's all fake and she is playing a character that people believe is real. I never had an issue but over the last few years, she's been more outrageous. Showing more skin, more drama, fake fights, etc. That's what she has to do to stay relevant.
Our sons are 9 and 12 and are becoming more aware and ashamed of her even though it's a "character." She was offered a lot of money to do a show about her and her personal life. This includes having our kids on camera. It would be all fake with scripts and prompting.
My kids have mixed feelings between faking scenes but being paid. I asked my ex what scenes they thought about doing and it was stupid shit like my youngest fake falling off his bike and she rushes over to comfort him to my 12yo checking out his "babysitter" who is actually an actress.
I told her I was comfortable with that and I would not sign a release to let them appear on the shoe. That means she doesn't get a show. That means no seven figure payday. She is livid at me and has very crying all day. ###### | NTA. In my personal opinion children shouldn't be on reality TV. There are a lot of stories of child stars gone bad. Not to mention your kids dont seem interested besides getting paid. She needs to respect your decision as the other parent and find another gig. ###### |
I admit, there's not much drama surrounding this, but I could use a judgement regardless. Throw away for privacy reasons.
Husband and I just happily found out we're pregnant, very much a wanted child but the timing could definitely be better given the current world crises. Anyways, everyone around us is overjoyed, this is the first and only grandchild on my side of the family. Spouse long thought he was unable to have kids and had given up hope. Yay.
Moving on. The response to this kid has been fucking overwhelming. Oh. My. God. People are coming out of the woodwork to congratulate us, offer advice, opinions, life hacks, used clothing and baby items.
I love that this kid is so loved, it's amazing to be so supported but she's not even here yet and I'm so overwhelmed by how much the pregnancy/ childbirth/ kid having process is consuming my day to day life.
I just dont want to talk about it any more. I dont want to talk about my nipples. I dont want to talk about names. Or strechmarks or fucking clothes and diapers. So anytime someone brings it up, I just shrug it off or troll them with nonsense answers. Like telling them we're gonna name her Chalupa Batman, or Xena or some shit like that. Get her a baby hyena and raise them together.
People are starting to notice, and I'm getting remarks. People, namely the women in my familial circle, are having hurt feelings, telling me I'm sucking the fun out of this for them. That I need to take it seriously, stop being so rude, people are just trying to help, that I'm a Debbie Downer, ect. Mom gave me a lecture about how when you're pregnant, it's not about you anymore. That it takes a village to raise a child and that im ruining this for everyone else involved and acting like a moody teenager.
Truth is, I would kill to talk about anything else right now. The mating habits of San Salvadorian Marching Ants. Anything but this pregnancy. I don't want to be defined by it
So, judgement time, am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. Imagine being so selfish that you complain about the fun being sucked out of *someone else's* pregnancy! Humanity achieves new heights everyday! ###### |
This happened a few months ago but I recently told this story to my roommate who thinks I overreacted.
I'd ordered food from an app and the driver called me to ask for my address. I had him on call for a bit because he seemed kinda clueless and it took him a while to find my building, but the conversation never went anywhere personal. I just gave him directions ,thanked him for the food and hung up. Didnt even get the guys name or anything.
Few hours later I opened my whatsapp and saw that an unknown number had sent me a ton of voice messages. I listened to them and recognised the guys voice. Tbh, there was nothing objectively weird in it, he just talked about how nice of a person I seemed and how he'd like to keep in touch and it wasnt a big deal if I wasnt into it but it still creeped me out. I'm a female living with a female roommate and this guy knowing my address made me pretty uncomfortable. I reported him to the app and they said they would deal with it so I blocked him and let it go. A couple of weeks later the same guy messaged me from another number and I blocked his ass like lightning but I was pretty stressed at that time so I didn't really focus on doing anything about it.
My roommate and I were chatting yesterday and I brought the story up, thinking I was in the right for dealing with him, but she thinks that it was an AH move. In my country ( and I guess in most countries) this guy was probably a min wage worker and he'd mentioned in one of the voice messages that he had kids so me reporting him could have caused him problems. According to her, he wasnt pushy and just sounded lonely and naive so I should have just blocked him and let it be. We also live in a gated building and the guy just dropped off the food with security and never saw my face so I shouldn't have 'panicked'.
I think I was justified in being concerned for my safety, but I feel bad for getting someone into so much trouble if it was innocent. AITA? ###### | NTA. im incredibly pro-worker, but messaging someone you delivered to is so incredibly inappropriate and unprofessional. if he didnt want to get fired, it wouldve been the easiest thing in the world for him to *not* message you and just go about his day ###### |
Recently I have been playing a well known mobile game that, among many other things, allows you to befriend other characters in the game and even marry one of them. This game is played entirely offline - i.e. these are not other people or players that you interact with, just non-playable characters within the game.
Well, when I mentioned this to my spouse, they were quite upset about it - think yelling at me, threatening to take my phone away from me if I continue to play it, telling me that I "should have known" that this would upset them (I did not know this, I swear!), etc. No matter how I tried to explain that it's just a game, it's a non-playable character (not another online player), etc., they were quite adamant - I am not to be playing this game anymore.
The thing is... this game is quite relaxing, as it allows a lot of freedom in what you can do - farming, exploring forests, caves, deserts, and other environments, fishing, etc. With everything that's going on in the world right now, it's nice to have a quiet little game that I can spend a little while playing on my own sometimes. And I should add that it's not like I'm ignoring my spouse to play this game (we spend lots of time together), or playing it to excess (I play it exclusively during downtime like when I'm putting the kids to bed, waiting in a long line, or finishing my coffee when I'm the first one up in the morning).
So I'm still playing the game during those times, but just not telling them about it. AITA? ###### | NTA. If your spouse isn't ok with you "marrying" an NPC, they are very insecure and unstable. Start saving money for therapy OP. ###### |
I know the title sounds bad but please hear me out.
I (55m)have two kids, Ana (30f) and Alex (27m). Their mom isn't in the pictue. I have a relatively high earning job so I was able to save up for both of them to go to college which amounted to about $100k each kid.
The thing is, Ana got a full scholarship for college where both her tuition fees and living expenses were paid for but I had to pay for my son's education and living expenses with the money I saved up.
Both my children knew I had $100k for their college education but since my daughter got a full ride, I told her I'd hold on to it until she either wants to use it for her wedding or a downpayment for a house.
So last week Ana asked for the money to buy a house and I gladly gave it to her but a few days later I got an angry call from Alex accusing me of favoritism and how I'm being unfair. I explained to him that I just gave her the college fund I was saving up for her, which was the same amount as what I've given him for college. He still thinks I should've split the money evenly so it would be more fair. I have no idea how he knew about it but I think my wife (their stepmom) told him.
Ana has since told me that her brother has been calling her every now and then demanding for his half of the money. So both my kids are fighting now.
My wife told me that I'm being a bit unfair and that the money is tearing the family apart. I told her that it was always Ana's money and I already gave Alex his share to pay for his college expenses.
Both kids are college educated with good jobs so it's not like Alex desperately needs the money.
So reddit... AITA? I think that splitting the money would've been very unfair to Ana, who worked hard to get her scholarship but what do you guys think?
Edit: I spent a bit over $100k on Alex's education cause not only did I pay for his tuition fees but I also paid for his rent, bills, food, and everything in between. ###### | NTA. If your son graduated with no debt, and you paid for all living expenses, then he got his $100K.
Perhaps add it up, and show him what he got.
You basically just delayed payment of your daughters college fund, and payed out in a lump sum, since she got full ride. ###### |
So my area reopened beaches and I have been going everyday for the last two weeks to go surfing.
Before anyone goes on about me not social distancing know that the beach I am going to is not at all crowded and I can stay a good 50-60ft away from other people.
Apparently it’s bothering my sister though as she is unable to go to the beach at all and she used to love going to the beach.
My sister got into a car accident last year and mostly uses a wheelchair to get around. She can walk a few yards on even surfaces, but that’s it.
My mom says I shouldn’t go so much because it’s upsetting my sister to see me coming home from the beach each day, but if I don’t I’m basically stuck in this tiny, hot ass apartment all day (no air conditioning) and Its sounds bad, but I don’t feel like her mistakes should mean I have to suffer. ###### | NTA. If your sister had been blinded, would you have been asked to not look at things?
I'm sure it's tough, but she can't expect others to just not do thing they enjoy. ###### |
I was babysitting my 7yo nephew and he wanted to paint. His parents bought him an easel and paint. All I was ever told was the painting had to be outside. We went outside and his easel and supplies were on the hardscape and not the grass, I figured that's where he painted.
Of course he got some paint on the hardscape, but I assumed it could rinsed off. I was wrong. My sister had a fit and asked me why I let him paint on the hardscape. I told her the easel was on the hardscape and assumed that's where my nephew does his art. She said it was always on the grass and maybe their gardener moved it to cut their grass.
She ended up paying someone $70 to clean of the paint and then handed me the bill to pay. I told her that she had a nerve especially when I was sitting him for free. ###### | NTA. If your sister bought your nephew paints that don’t easily clean. That’s her problem, not yours. ###### |
There's really not a whole lot of back story here. She's 39 weeks pregnant and keeps begging me to have sex because she thinks it'll help her go into labor. I've been denying her advances for the last month or so because I just don't have a drive to do anything. It's been hard on me because I feel like I’m upsetting her and I also don't quite understand why my drive left. I don't want her to feel like she's ugly or fat, but I don't feel like I should force myself to do something like that.
​
Anyway she's really upset with me because I told her today I can't handle her constantly asking me to do it or making jokes about how I won't. It's torture to me to constantly be reminded about this internal conflict I've been having regarding the subject. I know it's my fault that I didn't tell her sooner but this sort of reaction is exactly what I was afraid of. On the outside when she makes jokes or requests she sees me respond with a complementary laugh/smile or a polite no.
​
She's upset with me for what seems like her assumption that I'm saying she's ugly/fat now even though I told her specifically that's not true nor is it why. I know from a "should you ever have sex if you don't want to" standpoint the answer is that I'm in the right. But am I an asshole for not wanting to have sex with her right now? Should I have just kept it to myself and not told her to stop? ###### | NTA. If your sex drive dropped out of nowhere, you need to see your doctor. If you guys were regularly having sex up until a month ago and suddenly the drive is gone, that could be indicative of a serious problem. Tell your wife that despite finding her incredibly attractive, you are not interested in having sex. Her feelings will be hurt. But you have every right to say no. But definitely get yourself checked out. ###### |
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