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6,500 | 6,501 | Googles "what happens if you accidentally eat raw cookie dough" [5 minutes later] "twice" | [-7.41020292e-02 -4.00686860e-02 4.42820415e-02 5.43954000e-02
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6,501 | 6,502 | What do you call Christopher Walken when he is sitting? Christopher Sitten | [-2.12317016e-02 -5.10835694e-03 -3.16238105e-02 -3.70010990e-03
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6,502 | 6,503 | What is a prostitutes favorite food? Anything but blue waffles. | [-5.29445894e-02 -5.96296857e-04 2.60054762e-03 2.10427493e-02
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6,503 | 6,504 | The best thing about the Earth is if you poke holes in it oil and gas come out. | [ 1.59532763e-02 5.50269932e-02 1.44247830e-01 4.52211825e-03
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6,504 | 6,505 | Girl hey what's up? Boy if i tell you, will you sit on it? Sex is like a misdmeanor, the kore i miss it, the meaner i get. | [-5.41786738e-02 -7.10830372e-03 4.78676744e-02 -1.25187309e-03
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6,505 | 6,506 | What is a water bottle's favorite game to play? Follow the litre. | [-4.01833989e-02 5.21691181e-02 -2.71448269e-02 -5.14200144e-02
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6,506 | 6,507 | How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher? When the old one expects you to "do your share" | [-4.46864292e-02 -5.67329563e-02 9.18568373e-02 5.28643001e-03
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6,507 | 6,508 | Two nuns are riding their bikes somewhere... One of the nuns says "I've never come this way before!" Other nun says "Must be the cobblestones." | [-1.50531922e-02 -1.21079665e-02 -3.36275995e-02 5.62123470e-02
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6,508 | 6,509 | How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Dont be silly, feminists cant change anything. | [ 7.53531978e-02 -5.88066950e-02 -3.75287421e-02 7.07337484e-02
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6,509 | 6,510 | Why do Arabs wear thawbs? Goats can hear a zipper from a mile away. | [ 2.39038263e-02 6.76918328e-02 4.04072478e-02 7.23330118e-03
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6,510 | 6,511 | I had a reaction to some nuts the other day.. "These are a bit hairy." | [-1.96779203e-02 5.92381731e-02 9.35288668e-02 9.21920016e-02
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6,511 | 6,512 | Dear toilet paper makers, We've all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the middle softer. Sincerely, Our asses. | [-6.82783453e-03 -1.61344148e-02 1.01424037e-02 -1.60902943e-02
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6,512 | 6,513 | How to mess with people To REALLY mess with people, try drinking Gatorade from a Windex bottle. | [ 1.81926303e-02 5.52674085e-02 7.03667030e-02 2.79455725e-02
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6,513 | 6,514 | Why are chickens racist? They are all in the Coop Clucks Clan | [ 3.94681133e-02 -2.80969776e-02 -4.74657267e-02 -2.38982141e-02
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6,514 | 6,515 | Girls wait for the perfect guy: Disney's fault. Guys wait for the perfect girl: Playboy's fault. | [ 1.38909854e-02 -3.88565660e-02 7.49858692e-02 3.75567712e-02
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6,515 | 6,516 | How did the captain of the u-boat announce to his crew that there were no more passports to go around? This sub has officially run out of IDs. | [-5.35784848e-02 9.49072167e-02 -3.46378013e-02 -1.40069034e-02
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6,516 | 6,517 | Oscar Pistorius has the worst alibi ever. Who the hell would break into your house to rob your bathroom? | [-3.57880350e-03 1.45044643e-02 -6.47667125e-02 -4.34636176e-02
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6,517 | 6,518 | BREAKING: Pot calls kettle "black". "Racial tension at boiling point" says mayor of kitchen cupboard | [ 1.40071148e-02 4.40781796e-03 -4.86689880e-02 4.35363576e-02
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6,518 | 6,519 | Michael J. Fox is extremely formal... ...he even shakes hands with his wife. | [-1.43087946e-03 -1.75240990e-02 4.81361151e-02 2.52218209e-02
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6,519 | 6,520 | What did the Dog say to the Chipmunk? Woof. | [-6.91978335e-02 9.26531926e-02 -4.38348856e-03 6.39543459e-02
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6,520 | 6,521 | "I like my women how I like my sunglasses... Sitting on my face..." | [-9.26391408e-02 7.33677344e-03 4.64899205e-02 3.10258847e-02
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6,521 | 6,522 | Whats faster then a Aboriginal with a TV? His son with the xbox. | [ 9.91385132e-02 -4.94569307e-03 -7.11672977e-02 -8.38098899e-02
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6,522 | 6,523 | A college grad offers her boss sex for a raise j/k she doesn't have a job. | [-7.05682263e-02 3.56000178e-02 3.70183103e-02 1.64612439e-02
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6,523 | 6,524 | This afternoon, I was attacked by a group of gay men. I didn't know how to escape. I had to beat them off left and right | [ 8.18955377e-02 6.42820522e-02 1.68401841e-02 8.31231251e-02
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6,524 | 6,525 | Why isn't there golf in the Paralympics? Because it would be really awkward asking what their handicap was. | [ 1.39012009e-01 6.86422512e-02 -2.89194193e-02 2.58729476e-02
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6,526 | 6,527 | How do you know when there is a bassist at your door? He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in. | [ 5.55846840e-02 -2.04721633e-02 -1.38657177e-02 -6.94008768e-02
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6,527 | 6,528 | What fruit did Hillary grind up in her juicer? 13 blackberries and 5 apples | [-4.95557599e-02 -3.04874163e-02 -1.61981340e-02 2.91798785e-02
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6,528 | 6,529 | I told my Mexican student to turn in his essay He said "I ain't no snitch!". | [-1.03516772e-03 9.57093462e-02 -4.99697812e-02 -1.27446679e-02
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6,531 | 6,532 | On your way to hell, there will be a 6-year-old pushing a shopping cart one foot behind you. | [ 3.30557525e-02 3.68054137e-02 -5.97608015e-02 1.21400999e-02
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6,532 | 6,533 | It's fun being a philosophy major I get to reflect on why I can't pay for food | [ 4.13313098e-02 -9.96404607e-03 8.77911784e-03 2.86830962e-02
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6,533 | 6,534 | What did the animal control officer ask the Hawaiian dancer? Hula the dogs out? | [-1.39970630e-02 6.17621206e-02 1.44582139e-02 1.24964833e-01
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6,534 | 6,535 | I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years party... When you hear an arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in. | [ 6.69741556e-02 7.11887032e-02 1.63019449e-03 -3.35403308e-02
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6,535 | 6,536 | A slightly drunk woman is watching tv... She yells, "Don't go there! Don't go up the stairs! Don't go into the church you dumb bitch!" Her husband asks, "What are you watching?" "Our wedding video." | [-2.69667469e-02 -5.55564649e-02 2.52287909e-02 1.47520145e-02
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6,536 | 6,537 | If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024.... | [-7.37401992e-02 7.36901164e-02 3.03733107e-02 -1.71867963e-02
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6,537 | 6,538 | Knock Knock Who's there ? Chopin ! Chopin who ? Chopin the supermarket ! | [-4.54674363e-02 6.26695752e-02 1.36967842e-02 1.74578596e-02
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6,538 | 6,539 | I <3 W... Valentine's day TXT message you send twins if you are unsure which one you are sending the message. | [-5.60564697e-02 -2.95849126e-02 8.93604383e-02 1.91157535e-02
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6,539 | 6,540 | BISON DAD: good bye, son. BISON SON: thank you, dad. | [-2.44399700e-02 1.99750904e-02 2.13030856e-02 -4.55459999e-03
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6,540 | 6,541 | Pretty sure that Twitter is not one of the seven habits of highly effective people. | [ 4.17035632e-02 -6.76636994e-02 2.44314894e-02 1.70741230e-02
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6,541 | 6,542 | 50 SHADES OF CHARLES HUNNAM Its been reported that actor Charles Hunnam has dropped out of the movie,"50 Shades of Grey" because of cold feet. You can't blame him, cold feet can lead to shrinkage | [-3.40498611e-02 1.96038251e-04 3.65540572e-02 6.05426319e-02
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6,542 | 6,543 | What do you call a Russian, homophobic, golfer? Vladimir Putting | [ 7.79276043e-02 7.94905890e-03 -7.37120882e-02 5.89475073e-02
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6,543 | 6,544 | Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere! | [ 1.28992170e-01 -1.74040776e-02 7.23019317e-02 -2.78584845e-02
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6,544 | 6,545 | kid theres no such thing as bad publicity. like you would think if a big article came out saying you suck shit it would be bad, but its good | [-8.24879762e-03 4.99639288e-02 3.46508622e-02 1.80910155e-02
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6,545 | 6,546 | Gene Therapy The act of watching Gene Wilder films to cope with the loss of Gene Wilder. This is the place for wordplay, right? | [-4.00261395e-02 -6.95428327e-02 4.44845669e-03 2.22487524e-02
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6,546 | 6,547 | Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you. | [-7.91659579e-03 2.97288746e-02 4.89435019e-03 -1.61443111e-02
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6,547 | 6,548 | A magic tractor was driving down a country road... When suddenly it turned into a field! | [-8.52912385e-03 5.88608123e-02 -1.73912086e-02 2.26217955e-02
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6,548 | 6,549 | Why is Klezmer music so addictive? Once you Hava Nagila, you'll want another! | [-1.21804075e-02 -5.61985709e-02 1.02385450e-02 -2.71721352e-02
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6,549 | 6,550 | Pretty sure Zinedine Zidane never forgave his parents for all the waiting he had to do for his attendance call in school. | [-2.85240449e-02 1.46840572e-01 -4.30801995e-02 -2.16915049e-02
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6,550 | 6,551 | We should really use the blackjack scale to rate women. For example: "Every girl here is ugly" "Well, what about her? " "Eh, she's like a 15 or 16. Not sure if I'd hit it" | [-1.34279323e-03 4.04926762e-03 -1.94066502e-02 9.36265662e-02
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6,551 | 6,552 | Did you guys hear about the C++ developer that wanted to become a famous actor? He kept getting type cast. | [-5.06582670e-02 -6.32466702e-03 1.11250337e-02 -3.53699066e-02
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6,552 | 6,553 | I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive. | [ 3.06997020e-02 1.25483824e-02 6.68925121e-02 -7.47985207e-03
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6,553 | 6,554 | Two antennas met on a roof... they fell in love, and decided to get married. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was excellent. | [-4.84567061e-02 8.87081772e-02 2.99409926e-02 6.02278449e-02
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6,554 | 6,555 | I once knew a girl who confused a tube of KY jelly... for a tube of super glue. I asked her how it happened... her lips were sealed. | [-9.80761945e-02 -4.08249311e-02 6.39522523e-02 6.15848182e-03
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6,555 | 6,556 | You know why you shouldn't eat spaghetti late at night? Because it'll keep you up Pasta you bedtime. | [-5.02495505e-02 2.34263372e-02 -2.42989161e-03 6.71513826e-02
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6,556 | 6,557 | :* `*twinkle twinkle little star...point me to the nearest bar * `*:. HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!! | [-1.47699043e-02 4.40428220e-02 6.89834282e-02 -4.81027700e-02
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6,557 | 6,558 | Confucius say its good to meet girl in the park ...But its better to park meat in the girl. | [ 2.09605042e-02 3.65417749e-02 8.11440796e-02 2.02712491e-02
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6,558 | 6,559 | A guy I know calls women's periods "shark week." I asked him why, and he told me "Beware of blood in the water. The fearsome beast will bite your head clean off, unprovoked, when you least expect it." | [-8.63030702e-02 3.06312721e-02 -7.10637250e-05 1.11758612e-01
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6,559 | 6,560 | The guy who proofread Hitler's speeches was a Grammar Nazi. | [ 1.91816464e-02 -5.52062178e-03 -4.11606394e-03 4.37927097e-02
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6,560 | 6,561 | [God creating the frog] "How about a really stupid-looking kangaroo fish?" | [-6.68864651e-03 1.03666849e-01 1.93889346e-02 5.84404729e-03
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6,561 | 6,562 | What happened to Mr. Chin after all 10 of his children disappeared? He developed a ten Chin deficit disorder. | [-1.03622777e-02 9.98940598e-03 5.00308387e-02 8.43331367e-02
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6,562 | 6,563 | What do you call a group of pigs? A precinct. | [ 6.55872151e-02 -4.52354774e-02 -2.05705576e-02 1.93360895e-02
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6,563 | 6,564 | The first couple months of the year go by quickly. February just Marches on. | [ 4.31000739e-02 -2.35417448e-02 8.50321203e-02 4.17660698e-02
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6,564 | 6,565 | Being a dog with no legs - it's no walk in the park | [ 4.78880182e-02 9.14990995e-03 5.73158823e-02 6.47930950e-02
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6,567 | 6,568 | Yo momma Is so ugly, she has masturbate with a bag over her head. | [ 1.91761572e-02 -3.35635059e-02 -1.41774788e-02 1.02594465e-01
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6,568 | 6,569 | Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw it in and one to complain that it's electrified. | [ 7.48835802e-02 3.03581241e-03 2.89226579e-03 6.64729904e-03
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6,569 | 6,570 | So, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton have split up! It's a bit of a Nightmare before Christmas. | [-5.99374324e-02 -7.06153512e-02 3.99891399e-02 -2.45289896e-02
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6,570 | 6,571 | What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking. J.k, rolling. | [-4.12304960e-02 4.82315421e-02 2.65114941e-03 3.14543284e-02
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6,571 | 6,572 | Avenge me! But only through passive aggressively commenting loudly around my murderer how great it would be to still have me alive. | [-4.11548093e-02 2.87448112e-02 1.97901463e-04 9.60162899e-04
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6,572 | 6,573 | I wonder if Einstein thought of his theory of general relativity... in New York's Time Squared... | [ 4.10092063e-02 -3.19864117e-02 2.82979719e-02 5.86558133e-02
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6,573 | 6,574 | This day in history. 1961. In Spain the fascist government of Generalissimo Francisco Franco declared equal rights for women and men. None. | [-2.70761959e-02 7.87406862e-02 -4.14039306e-02 7.93026462e-02
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6,574 | 6,575 | My girlfriend hate when i call her fat And now she want us to break up so i said : What about the baby. | [-4.93847467e-02 2.83545144e-02 -6.70456327e-03 9.26505849e-02
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6,575 | 6,576 | To all sluts !! Please regulate your whoremones !! | [-1.54479593e-02 3.29549536e-02 -3.34336306e-03 -4.65123169e-02
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6,576 | 6,577 | Relationship Status: we made our marriage counselor cry. | [-6.64562359e-02 3.55430543e-02 4.71791439e-02 7.18729049e-02
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6,577 | 6,578 | (Serious) What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died? slowing down his car. ... ... shoutout to r/conspiracy for this one. | [-4.33002226e-02 -3.60879377e-02 4.94906716e-02 -1.88130215e-02
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6,578 | 6,579 | Your "poetic" tweets would be so much better if Adele hadn't thought of them first | [ 7.82829598e-02 -5.75495996e-02 1.16194598e-01 -4.86019664e-02
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6,579 | 6,580 | My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox. | [ 5.69288135e-02 1.14103638e-01 1.03877559e-02 4.13358249e-02
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6,580 | 6,581 | Next time someone says "Thanks!" reply: "You're welx!". It's a cool new abbreviation I made up you can use. Make sure to attribute it to me. | [-1.01517104e-01 1.71994492e-02 3.45347188e-02 1.24707967e-02
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6,581 | 6,582 | In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you. | [-1.16285896e-02 3.61149721e-02 -6.13677390e-02 5.12034222e-02
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6,582 | 6,583 | DJ: "MARRIED PEOPLE IN THE CLUB TONIGHT MAKE SOME NOOOIISE!" *Groans* *Sobs* *sighs* *a solitary gunshot* | [-4.17104736e-02 1.83281377e-02 1.42572057e-02 -1.17863743e-02
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6,583 | 6,584 | What do you call a hooker that was shot by a sniper? 360 hoscope | [-6.13111779e-02 5.53664193e-02 -1.68293953e-01 -1.67332124e-04
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6,584 | 6,585 | Joke Did you hear about the man who stoke a bed | [-1.18234754e-02 -6.29300019e-03 -3.13557051e-02 5.39855286e-02
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6,585 | 6,586 | I wonder what my dog named me. | [-7.01242611e-02 1.20629221e-02 5.68406619e-02 8.00510645e-02
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6,586 | 6,587 | I once had a small part in a porn movie. It was cold that day. | [ 5.19386213e-03 1.42860422e-02 7.41053969e-02 1.13797329e-01
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6,587 | 6,588 | ok i'll bite.. what is Britain | [ 5.38572855e-02 -5.47438636e-02 1.31288907e-02 -3.57707515e-02
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6,588 | 6,589 | If someone knocks on your door, knock back from the other side. That someone will go away. It works. Trust me, I just tried it this morning. | [-4.14335029e-03 6.22557960e-02 6.02886407e-03 1.99456159e-02
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6,589 | 6,590 | Why do they ask you if you would like paper or plastic at the grocery store? Because baggers can't be choosers, | [-8.71324390e-02 5.08248173e-02 7.12774098e-02 7.12761208e-02
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6,590 | 6,591 | How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool | [ 5.21764383e-02 4.66061793e-02 6.96080551e-03 5.46630733e-02
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6,591 | 6,592 | I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone. | [ 2.90707182e-02 7.77203217e-02 5.32868393e-02 3.75072733e-02
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6,592 | 6,593 | I was trying to make a joke about leprechauns... ...but I came up short. | [ 3.34381685e-02 3.17219384e-02 3.84681150e-02 1.12983799e-02
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6,593 | 6,594 | I wonder if racist families have that one liberal uncle who gets drunk at Thanksgiving and goes on about how Obama is DEFINITELY American. | [ 2.60126460e-02 -3.52531634e-02 -6.38497099e-02 -2.26697791e-02
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6,594 | 6,595 | I was trying to convince my friend to go fishing the other day. It took a while to convince her, but then she finally agreed and had fun fishing. She eventually fell for it hook, line, and sinker. | [-6.68398142e-02 7.67705217e-02 4.02554795e-02 2.47373502e-03
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6,595 | 6,596 | I just want a woman who has a great sense of humor about being a supermodel. | [-1.12296380e-02 -1.72846809e-01 4.84662093e-02 4.14241031e-02
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6,596 | 6,597 | Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian? A socialist who wants to be king! | [-2.57495847e-02 2.68245973e-02 -3.82716395e-02 -1.98061392e-02
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6,597 | 6,598 | What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass. (Haven't seen this on here, hope its not a repost.) | [-8.42687637e-02 3.82491983e-02 1.11008566e-02 3.48577611e-02
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6,598 | 6,599 | [True Love's gf on 7th day of Christmas, forcing smile] awww Swans! how sweet! thx hon, these 7 birds will go nicely with the other 16 birds | [-4.53476161e-02 -4.77680452e-02 9.93859693e-02 -3.32184434e-02
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6,599 | 6,600 | Did u hear about the prostitute with no legs? She's selling it for half off. | [-6.36267513e-02 5.10058179e-02 -2.62123495e-02 -1.24137262e-02
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