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6,700 | 6,701 | My life flashed before my eyes... ...Turns out I'm epileptic and died from the seizure. | [-2.52190176e-02 -1.50760943e-02 7.02577084e-02 7.06715435e-02
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6,701 | 6,702 | News: Don't panic about Ebola, but please watch this nonstop coverage about how it could spread everywhere and kill you. Don't panic though. | [ 7.92088509e-02 -2.86891032e-02 5.07753119e-02 -3.58015485e-03
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6,702 | 6,703 | People only want to do drugs named after women: Mary Jane, Molly, Lucy (in the Sky with Diamonds). No one wants to snort some Craig. | [-5.33472933e-02 -8.47508535e-02 -2.87930649e-02 9.77209676e-03
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6,703 | 6,704 | Shout out to slugs for doing everything a snail does without a helmet | [ 4.88016829e-02 1.36883318e-01 8.08555260e-02 -2.85914410e-02
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6,704 | 6,705 | Getting a girlfriend is a lot like getting a car The more money you have, the more options you have. | [-2.67279856e-02 -3.21566202e-02 5.77023588e-02 -1.04293972e-02
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6,705 | 6,706 | Why can a T-Rex not touch his toes? Because he's extinct | [-1.61295980e-02 1.84641276e-02 6.70560449e-02 9.31244809e-03
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6,706 | 6,707 | I think I'm going to give away my old Dyson vacuum cleaner. It's just collecting dust. | [-5.68138734e-02 3.22247185e-02 1.13543190e-01 -3.64516303e-02
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6,709 | 6,710 | A woman is like a parachute can refuse at any time, that's why you need to have a spare one. | [-1.87828783e-02 1.05247844e-03 1.09761767e-02 4.79153953e-02
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6,710 | 6,711 | What is a cannibal's favorite fruit? Granny Smith | [-3.16162445e-02 5.69557585e-02 -1.76663753e-02 -9.74835828e-03
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6,711 | 6,712 | What happens to a laffy taffy joke in the rain? It makes me laugh a little bit, in the rain. | [-3.60739157e-02 -1.18327932e-02 7.68339261e-02 3.13331075e-02
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6,712 | 6,713 | My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I'm off to find a bar with a mirror. | [ 1.74835827e-02 -4.81093861e-02 3.07507645e-02 7.09795905e-03
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6,713 | 6,714 | What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you drink through that?" | [-4.90713082e-02 1.39457345e-01 3.33593972e-02 1.04407735e-01
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6,714 | 6,715 | I'll admit that my jokes are cheesy, but even then the ones I find hilarious my friends don't find funny at all They must be laughtose intolerant | [ 1.96907651e-02 -5.62123992e-02 -8.45130533e-03 3.74886952e-02
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6,715 | 6,716 | Yo mama so fat, when she went to Hogwarts for the first time, the sorting hat said "Awwwwww hell 'naw!!" | [ 1.42190373e-03 3.93756367e-02 1.23454398e-02 8.15959349e-02
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6,716 | 6,717 | What is the worst animal std? Gatoraids | [-6.58269553e-03 3.44942883e-02 -5.45850862e-03 5.30350395e-02
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6,717 | 6,718 | Watching X-Men. Hard to believe that all this stuff actually happened. | [-4.71421480e-02 -4.65917401e-02 4.39736471e-02 -1.81854777e-02
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6,718 | 6,719 | Subreddit for cleanjokes? Anyone know of one? TIA | [-1.45494357e-01 -8.08914825e-02 6.57550022e-02 -1.57111082e-02
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6,719 | 6,720 | What do you call a farmer in the army? E.I. G.I Joe. | [-5.68607450e-02 3.08407936e-02 -5.54334931e-02 1.91499647e-02
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6,720 | 6,721 | Am I the first with a Roof joke? Hope so. What is the source of Roof's racism? When he was young, his friends teased him by calling him Rufus. | [-2.79986276e-03 7.85113871e-02 -1.55066308e-02 5.58802150e-02
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6,721 | 6,722 | What adjective do you use to describe a bad pun? Pungent | [ 7.37362579e-02 1.27828587e-02 3.72158848e-02 2.41042860e-02
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6,722 | 6,723 | Life as a penis must be hard. | [-3.84090282e-02 -2.63881832e-02 2.42361128e-02 2.23209672e-02
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6,723 | 6,724 | Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch ? He was the skipper ! | [-2.05542985e-02 1.63524017e-01 -3.58121432e-02 -1.84956845e-03
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6,724 | 6,725 | There is a time and a place for accosting people with baguettes (2 p.m., Whole Foods). | [-6.82785409e-03 1.42489113e-02 1.68542862e-02 2.68307724e-03
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6,725 | 6,726 | Trump is such a good businessman that he literally wrote the book on business! Everyone should read it! Its too bad that it only goes up to chapter 11 though... | [-1.16550611e-04 -8.56120605e-03 2.91568115e-02 -1.11290649e-01
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6,726 | 6,727 | How can you tell that your waitress is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil. | [-3.77258174e-02 -2.95351557e-02 5.66809811e-02 1.59179990e-03
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6,727 | 6,728 | Son of a Beach So I like digging. I am going to go the beach and become a professional digger. Professional digger. | [-5.11420891e-02 -1.54875135e-02 5.04218452e-02 3.15365456e-02
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6,728 | 6,729 | What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut. | [-3.29650678e-02 5.75566813e-02 -2.58722864e-02 9.04311761e-02
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6,729 | 6,730 | How do you spell hypocrisy? R-E-L-I-G-I-O-N | [ 6.68542683e-02 5.49741909e-02 -1.44458652e-01 1.41242426e-02
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6,730 | 6,731 | Whats the difference between Trump and Hitler? About 70 years | [ 2.13381220e-02 6.18349463e-02 -5.69511205e-02 4.20284569e-02
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6,731 | 6,732 | Whoa, calm down, person actually swimming in the swimming pool. | [ 5.58199286e-02 -2.94286609e-02 2.62181330e-02 -2.07169130e-02
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6,732 | 6,733 | What makes Kirby a great all-around fighter? He's all round. | [ 2.09795814e-02 7.79844634e-03 -6.73610792e-02 -7.17166113e-03
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6,733 | 6,734 | Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends...? Because he's married. ;_; (I'll see myself out). | [ 6.10841326e-02 -5.79482019e-02 8.21313635e-02 -3.23290937e-02
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6,734 | 6,735 | I had a very confusing time when I tried to buy a Wii in France. | [ 3.37425284e-02 -7.44456649e-02 4.20664549e-02 -1.13515943e-01
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6,735 | 6,736 | Oscar Pistorius... wanted a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it. | [-2.94834487e-02 1.80900190e-02 -3.70478779e-02 -3.07057686e-02
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6,736 | 6,737 | On the set of a movie... "Alright folks that's a wrap" "Actually sir it's a panini" "Ugh..Take five" But there weren't enough paninis for everyone to take 5 | [-7.44319633e-02 9.89330281e-03 2.92230267e-02 -3.83023992e-02
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6,737 | 6,738 | Did you hear about the man who bought a bucket load of Tipp-ex last week? Big mistake. | [-6.98713288e-02 3.04907728e-02 1.12818614e-01 -2.80498751e-02
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6,738 | 6,739 | Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl | [-2.98647154e-02 -2.71475920e-03 1.07218333e-01 -5.13612665e-02
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6,739 | 6,740 | What did Tony the Tiger say to the kids playing baseball? "Theeeeeeeeey Never expect the Spanish Inquisition!" | [ 1.36995502e-03 1.40763432e-01 -1.99660584e-02 6.36406466e-02
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6,740 | 6,741 | "No no no!" said the enraged businessman to the persistent salesman. "I cannot see you today!" "That's fine" said the salesman "I'm selling spectacles." | [-5.75776547e-02 7.54685402e-02 -2.14080196e-02 -5.79030924e-02
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6,741 | 6,742 | I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a crying baby. Apparently that's not allowed if it's yours. | [ 5.25928214e-02 -8.91583506e-03 7.05770124e-03 3.87782641e-02
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6,742 | 6,743 | How to comfort a Grammar Nazi "They're Their There" | [ 8.28159675e-02 4.02525701e-02 1.71170309e-02 -1.13461781e-02
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6,743 | 6,744 | The best thing about sex with your sister... ...is that if she gets pregnant, you can just blame your dad. | [ 2.69020833e-02 4.33495082e-02 -1.06588461e-01 -2.22904254e-02
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6,744 | 6,745 | Static cling is just physics showing us how much it loves us. | [-1.25869792e-02 -3.75705361e-02 5.24566695e-02 1.14189172e-02
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6,747 | 6,748 | I finally figured out the problem with our firewall last night. It was a real breakthrough! //Actually used that this morning. Manager did not notice, I did not explain. | [ 4.61086407e-02 -1.75226498e-02 4.96543050e-02 5.13652246e-03
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6,748 | 6,749 | Did you know Helen Keller had a swing-set in her back yard? ...neither did she | [ 5.61243016e-03 -4.00230614e-03 1.57262869e-02 1.55615091e-01
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6,749 | 6,750 | Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move. | [ 6.05148030e-04 -1.13507956e-02 -2.84585804e-02 8.93032402e-02
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6,750 | 6,751 | What did the baby corn say to the Mom corn ? Where is Popcorn ? | [-3.47022824e-02 -5.95738529e-04 -3.32194418e-02 4.38794456e-02
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6,751 | 6,752 | Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one... ...he's never gonna give you *Up.* | [-1.29242763e-01 -4.26721387e-02 -2.86289561e-03 -4.60427776e-02
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6,752 | 6,753 | I burned a kid in a wheelchair today. Hot wheels. | [-3.25115165e-03 6.96771964e-02 2.12155730e-02 7.35369921e-02
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6,753 | 6,754 | I saw 300 lbs crammed into a pair of small yoga pants so now I understand how the Tardis on Dr. Who is real. | [-4.60049622e-02 5.00371940e-02 -6.54246509e-02 5.77953830e-02
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6,754 | 6,755 | Thank you student loans for getting me through college I don't think I can ever repay you. | [-4.72858138e-02 5.58280721e-02 7.37531260e-02 -4.55233268e-02
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6,755 | 6,756 | Q: What's brown and in a baby's diaper? A: Michael Jackson's hand !! | [-2.76356880e-02 3.96853536e-02 -1.48996422e-02 9.50498283e-02
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6,756 | 6,757 | I'm recovering from necrophilia and beastiality... I would tell you about it, but I'd be beating off a dead horse. | [-6.71547726e-02 -6.77078068e-02 5.85552044e-02 1.02259956e-01
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6,757 | 6,758 | I ejaculated six feet earlier. Strange, usually I ejaculate semen. | [ 4.09830213e-02 -3.11075207e-02 6.21169508e-02 1.42370183e-02
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6,758 | 6,759 | I bet a lot of people have tried that "See you next year!" joke at the end of December but got proven wrong by dying in a DUI. | [-3.31880823e-02 -3.15766074e-02 6.96660876e-02 -5.92477014e-03
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6,759 | 6,760 | Why is DJ Khaled's favorite number 11? Cuz it has another 1 | [-4.82507236e-02 1.61324125e-02 1.64348911e-02 -1.14715174e-01
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6,760 | 6,761 | How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them | [ 1.28320560e-01 9.21986066e-03 -3.74143757e-02 -4.22141217e-02
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6,761 | 6,762 | I've just found my iPhone autocorrects "cunt" to "Cynthia." Which means somewhere in Steve Jobs' past is a woman with one HELL of a story. | [-4.33772355e-02 -1.37416855e-03 -1.84476860e-02 2.90276599e-03
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6,762 | 6,763 | Which came first the chicken or the egg? The chicken of course, an egg cannot cum! Made this up in my sleep sorry if offends any egg lovers.. | [-5.63846827e-02 -1.26876365e-02 2.07540002e-02 2.49861442e-02
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6,763 | 6,764 | A large hole appeared outside the local police station. They're looking into it. | [ 1.37300296e-02 1.24913827e-01 -2.26998609e-02 3.73103656e-02
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6,764 | 6,765 | If your date asks what you do for a living, just say "You let me worry about that." | [ 7.20225871e-02 5.22063561e-02 4.57979180e-02 5.89807220e-02
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6,765 | 6,766 | My friend asked me today what the name of the show is where they go fishing and catch all the crabs..I said "Jersey Shore"...Was I wrong? | [ 4.59464677e-02 4.05587777e-02 -2.61118123e-03 -5.16758189e-02
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6,766 | 6,767 | *drives Toyota Corolla into Mordor* "See, nobody suspected a thing" | [ 2.68887375e-02 8.08463693e-02 7.66285434e-02 -3.01114134e-02
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6,767 | 6,768 | What is 20 inches long and makes women scream at night? A stillborn | [ 3.64294015e-02 1.15684411e-02 8.32238467e-04 1.15024075e-01
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6,768 | 6,769 | When I met my wife I knew she was a keeper She was wearing massive gloves. | [ 1.06409201e-02 1.02812991e-01 1.46975452e-02 6.16386607e-02
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6,769 | 6,770 | Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last guy who had a dream got shot | [ 1.17431350e-01 6.54767305e-02 -1.57786310e-02 1.17820136e-01
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6,770 | 6,771 | Alright, so, two Jews walk into a shower I bet you can finish this one | [ 2.60242466e-02 5.00550717e-02 2.88726818e-02 8.34995974e-03
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6,771 | 6,772 | Kevin Bacon likes to play Six Degrees of Everybody Else. | [ 4.02113944e-02 -6.79200739e-02 -9.80333891e-03 -6.77683055e-02
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6,772 | 6,773 | GREETINGS MORTAL, YOU MAY ASK ME ONE QUE- "what's the deal with airline food?" GODDAMNIT JERRY HOW DO YOU KEEP FINDING THIS CRYSTAL | [ 3.98182198e-02 3.66705470e-02 2.94302069e-02 5.49898595e-02
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6,773 | 6,774 | this month's full moon is in virgo. you know what that means: you shouldn't be friends with me because i will tell you shit like this | [ 7.99255352e-03 8.15534778e-03 1.00653015e-01 4.14728979e-03
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6,774 | 6,775 | How are eating a girl out and working for the CIA similar? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit. (Thanks to u/Gary_III for pointing out the mistake last time | [-4.21076156e-02 -9.53806862e-02 2.85434090e-02 2.44152546e-02
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6,775 | 6,776 | You know you're old when you watch a horror movie where annoying, partying college kids get murdered and you identify with the killer. | [-4.00606170e-02 1.09425010e-02 -7.75329545e-02 2.16397662e-02
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6,776 | 6,777 | So I got kicked out of the library the other day... For moving all the women's rights books to the fiction section. | [ 2.52914503e-02 -4.10763957e-02 1.58035457e-02 7.29190186e-02
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6,777 | 6,778 | Every night someone breaks into my house & dresses me for the next day. I guess I'd be more upset if it wasn't saving me time in the morning | [ 1.38990476e-03 6.74184635e-02 6.83595762e-02 5.85187450e-02
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6,778 | 6,779 | Interviewer: Your resume only has "Mad" under "Skills" Me: Yeah boyee Interviewer: *tears up* You're just what we need. Welcome to Subway. | [-1.28207922e-01 -4.49458770e-02 1.01896904e-01 5.54458313e-02
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6,779 | 6,780 | New E Sport So there is a doctor in NYC that came down with ebola...he went bowling the night before admittance, created new sport...eboling | [ 3.63394432e-02 4.72137742e-02 3.98755856e-02 -4.26333509e-02
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6,780 | 6,781 | Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves! | [-5.40969558e-02 -1.91823300e-03 8.36702436e-02 -7.70155893e-05
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6,781 | 6,782 | Pick a number, now add 7, divide by 4, write it down. Now get an apple, name it, show it a picture of your cat. Now go to bed,you're drunk. | [ 6.61538988e-02 9.50688776e-03 1.12319523e-02 3.70160937e-02
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6,782 | 6,783 | Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. (my wife tells this joke to everyone and no one but me has ever laughed) | [ 3.03853694e-02 6.60003424e-02 -4.50689252e-03 7.30031580e-02
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6,783 | 6,784 | Whats the best part of living in Switzerland? Im not too sure either but the flags a big plus. | [ 5.85060753e-02 9.74672660e-02 2.53056660e-02 1.46448947e-02
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6,784 | 6,785 | My mom asked me if I would still date a girl who had cancer and lost her hair from chemo. i told her, "Of course, that just means she has better head!" | [ 3.03343381e-03 7.05596954e-02 5.01404367e-02 -8.61954293e-04
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6,785 | 6,786 | Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser? He got the sack.. | [ 1.23869432e-02 1.33598492e-01 6.44535664e-03 7.72022903e-02
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6,786 | 6,787 | Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook. | [ 2.27499604e-02 -5.71844168e-02 -9.84867755e-03 -1.02490008e-01
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6,787 | 6,788 | How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just Juan | [ 5.08095063e-02 6.68224245e-02 -2.67442428e-02 6.31974265e-02
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6,788 | 6,789 | I entered the word bit*h into my GPS and guess what, I'm in your driveway!! | [ 5.05158268e-02 -8.62447123e-05 1.99879929e-02 -1.66064985e-02
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6,789 | 6,790 | I'm gonna buy some cheese and put it behind glass with a sign that reads "In queso emergency, break glass" | [ 4.91995178e-03 -1.16337333e-02 3.51738296e-02 -1.27390807e-03
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6,790 | 6,791 | A collection of OC jokes! | [-1.31644711e-01 -3.89262736e-02 -1.70289502e-02 6.43900037e-02
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6,791 | 6,792 | Here lies IcarusIsNotLonely, upon his gravestone lie his last words: "Oh fuck, a car!" | [ 2.70349579e-03 1.05468109e-01 -5.78363333e-03 -3.01854815e-02
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6,792 | 6,793 | If I'm facing away from you during sex, assume I'm quietly enjoying a snack. | [-4.10423428e-02 -2.58561075e-02 4.57623266e-02 9.50457081e-02
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6,793 | 6,794 | Where do fat people live? Obe-city | [ 1.19564079e-01 2.62772478e-02 -2.45997892e-03 1.09158412e-01
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6,794 | 6,795 | What's a pirates favorite letter? You think it's the "R" but it's really the "C". Happy talk like a pirate day! | [-7.90685266e-02 3.11947428e-02 -7.80372834e-03 -1.61991585e-02
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6,795 | 6,796 | How do you turn soup into gold? You add 24 carats! | [-4.80169542e-02 1.28573859e-02 -2.20947862e-02 9.82036367e-02
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6,796 | 6,797 | FUN FACT: Teens in the late 1800s sent/received an average of 75 telegrams a day. | [ 2.06595212e-02 6.52906820e-02 3.25600728e-02 2.72221155e-02
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6,797 | 6,798 | *sees person I know in a crowd* *waves enthusiastically* * realizes I don't know person* * changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump* | [ 1.22487806e-02 -9.19938274e-03 2.02143807e-02 4.84144024e-04
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6,799 | 6,800 | Getting a prostate exam doesn't make you gay... Unless you spend all day studying for it. | [ 6.86951503e-02 -2.93326937e-03 -1.95808932e-02 -2.13567429e-04
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1.05425172e-01 -1.43349087e-02 -3.14494297e-02 -3.55886854e-02] |
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