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6,900 | 6,901 | Hello. I am Public Restroom. Would you like some toilet paper that melts in the palm of your hand? Here, have some empty soap, my child. | [-1.14835158e-01 2.60970667e-02 6.40918836e-02 -2.08941381e-02
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6,901 | 6,902 | "Papa who was Hamlet?" "You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was." | [-3.12652141e-02 1.31308764e-01 -8.45813099e-03 -7.58287683e-02
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6,902 | 6,903 | If a groom is a person that takes care of a horse, why don't they call the bride a jockey? | [-3.67446914e-02 4.91749346e-02 7.61721358e-02 5.36949607e-03
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6,903 | 6,904 | Slow down in those corduroy pants. You'll ignite a bush fire. | [ 1.83926579e-02 -6.03512265e-02 3.41938958e-02 1.21055162e-02
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6,904 | 6,905 | How many skateboarders does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but it will take him 50 tries to do it. | [ 7.55534619e-02 1.00126928e-02 -7.86134880e-03 -1.96095742e-02
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6,905 | 6,906 | What do you call a bunch of people buying non-brand name ice skates? Cheapskates getting cheap skates | [-5.03751896e-02 -1.62546914e-02 -3.09868529e-02 3.40447612e-02
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6,906 | 6,907 | The unused coloring book. Why can't the little girl color the elephant in her coloring book? Her arms are amputated. | [ 2.43198145e-02 6.97636455e-02 1.10999480e-01 6.12883307e-02
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6,907 | 6,908 | A far right party wins an election in Germany with 60% of the vote. I did nazi that coming | [ 8.94633383e-02 1.11239711e-02 -4.69551496e-02 2.84774490e-02
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6,908 | 6,909 | Jesus spoke to me yesterday... But I don't like talking to my roofers, so I had his brother Juan tell him not to do that in the future. | [-3.40616852e-02 1.94199368e-01 1.23423412e-02 -3.70979793e-02
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6,911 | 6,912 | what does a Nazi turkey say? "Goebbles Goesbbles" | [ 6.40779063e-02 7.45552555e-02 -6.04157783e-02 4.44561802e-02
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6,912 | 6,913 | If a picture frame doesn't have the word "memories" written on it in giant cursive letters, how do I know what I'm looking at?! | [ 5.89034483e-02 -2.86275651e-02 -7.63658136e-02 -1.19615067e-02
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6,913 | 6,914 | "Yous shall not pass!" (Gandalfini) | [-4.41221669e-02 4.95158434e-02 -3.10905091e-02 -5.92770847e-03
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6,914 | 6,915 | What is Michal Jackson A Chocolate Cracker (if they exist) | [-1.76066980e-01 -8.57236385e-02 4.21239510e-02 8.68815333e-02
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6,915 | 6,916 | You might be a redneck if someone shouts hoedown and your girlfriend hits the floor. | [ 7.47245923e-03 1.22721726e-02 -2.29707193e-02 4.95090149e-02
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6,916 | 6,917 | Which baseball team is currently the favourite with hamburger fans? The Cincinnati Reds -because they're the Big Bread Machine! | [ 3.51606458e-02 7.79947033e-03 -5.61187826e-02 -2.40037572e-02
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6,917 | 6,918 | What is the deadliest volcano? Mount Kill-a-man-jaro | [ 3.03415842e-02 6.74313679e-02 -1.56349652e-02 -7.23601319e-03
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6,918 | 6,919 | I don't understand Fox and Friends. No one on the show is named Fox. Are they friends with a TV channel? | [ 2.45935190e-02 -4.35047448e-02 -2.13728826e-02 3.57712097e-02
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6,919 | 6,920 | A man calls in to work sick on a Friday His boss asks him, "Why what's wrong with you?" He replies, "its my eyes boss... I just can't see my ass coming in to work today." | [-5.01321023e-03 3.93684022e-03 -1.62675988e-03 1.75355058e-02
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6,920 | 6,921 | Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00? Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. **EDITED** to make joke more apparent | [-1.33075397e-02 5.72538190e-02 1.01012420e-02 4.15133834e-02
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6,921 | 6,922 | So doctor how much time do I have left? 10... 10 what? 9, 8.... | [ 1.90340243e-02 2.30402723e-02 4.23212945e-02 -1.40248565e-02
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6,922 | 6,923 | How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food? By giving her a Brazilian wax first! | [-1.15955630e-02 1.27076274e-02 3.16526853e-02 -1.37449000e-02
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6,923 | 6,924 | Someone once told me "If you love something, set it free". I told them not to mind about those noises coming from the basement. | [ 7.46149058e-03 5.73252216e-02 8.12992156e-02 9.03581642e-03
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6,924 | 6,925 | What do Michael Jackson and Jimmy Savile have in common? they touched some many lives | [-5.53594567e-02 -1.16657270e-02 -8.79581645e-02 6.23792037e-02
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6,925 | 6,926 | What's the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton's emails? The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer. | [-3.09327673e-02 1.23930424e-02 9.55590904e-02 4.49755527e-02
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6,926 | 6,927 | My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday. How is she now ? She's fine. But the dog died. | [ 4.27687392e-02 5.66286966e-04 4.50306498e-02 1.06633946e-01
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6,927 | 6,928 | What do you call a prositute on her period? Unemployed. | [-5.53683192e-02 3.24239279e-03 -5.87854348e-02 3.32646482e-02
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6,928 | 6,929 | Dad cooks deer for dinner and doesn't tell the kids what it is... He gives them a hint "It's what your mom calls me" The kids respond "It's a fucking dick, don't eat it" | [-5.24939261e-02 3.81323062e-02 -1.45286713e-02 4.07337509e-02
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6,931 | 6,932 | Jobs that do not exist anymore Steve | [-5.91484308e-02 -5.08673582e-03 5.36468951e-03 2.40149051e-02
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6,932 | 6,933 | How is being a Jew like eating a burrito? It's really not a problem until they give you gas. | [ 7.49613717e-02 5.33332750e-02 -2.46596858e-02 1.07307963e-01
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6,933 | 6,934 | Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids... ... ...Eat them! | [-3.44856158e-02 4.05730214e-03 4.50631119e-02 5.62970862e-02
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6,934 | 6,935 | What's the difference between an oyster with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea? Well, one you shuck between the fits and the other... | [ 2.35670507e-02 7.06372457e-03 2.28133071e-02 -2.43244544e-02
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6,935 | 6,936 | What do you call someone who is known for being heartless and cold to others? Dead | [ 1.34630641e-02 4.26287390e-02 -7.85797909e-02 9.10809189e-02
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6,936 | 6,937 | "I can't wait until this one orange erases years of poor eating choices." -me, dieting | [-6.65348321e-02 4.09888774e-02 7.12222904e-02 1.18484631e-01
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6,937 | 6,938 | How much is Donald Trump's life insurance? Just one pence. | [ 4.35915142e-02 5.87344058e-02 3.96125205e-02 4.60611749e-03
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6,938 | 6,939 | 90% of my friends have hemorrhoids. The other 10% are perfect ass holes. | [ 6.46955296e-02 -3.11827585e-02 3.20173576e-02 5.44010587e-02
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6,939 | 6,940 | I added Michael J Fox as a friend on Instagram... He likes every single one of my photos. | [-5.77608347e-02 -5.00360467e-02 2.71403845e-02 3.64795723e-03
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6,940 | 6,941 | What did the Computer Engineer say? What did the computer Engineer say when he saw his favorite drink? ICT | [-7.98468068e-02 1.21185079e-01 6.40470982e-02 -2.17350200e-02
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6,941 | 6,942 | It's a shame that nobody is stepping up to defend the clown community Not even the mimes are talking | [ 5.08749485e-03 -1.83218643e-02 4.79362123e-02 -8.69815871e-02
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6,942 | 6,943 | What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Peewee Herman have in common? They were both caught with hands in their drawers. | [-8.86703730e-02 1.23995496e-02 -2.16127206e-02 -1.58927161e-02
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6,943 | 6,944 | What time do dentists fly airplanes? Tooth Hurty (2:30) | [ 5.15444800e-02 -2.07648017e-02 -5.12007438e-03 1.42633971e-02
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6,944 | 6,945 | Attractive women post selfies and refer to themselves as ugly. As a group, if we begin agreeing with them we could stop that shit quick. | [ 2.18308240e-04 1.69949178e-02 7.90902078e-02 1.04844138e-01
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6,945 | 6,946 | Why is it so hard to order pizza from me? I'll update with the hilarious punchline later... | [-6.18959069e-02 1.00870077e-02 7.04539716e-02 7.66567364e-02
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6,946 | 6,947 | My boyfriend doesn't believe in labels, which is probably why he drank all that bleach | [ 5.79899475e-02 2.50939094e-03 -4.82806414e-02 -8.87869298e-03
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6,947 | 6,948 | I swear if I see one more tweet about 11/11/11 being once in A life time I will snap. Every date is once in a life time! That how time works | [-7.97187164e-02 -3.03357597e-02 8.79068226e-02 -3.23856920e-02
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6,948 | 6,949 | Drinking ink won't kill you, you'll just dye a little inside. | [ 3.88632081e-02 -8.41700099e-03 1.60051212e-02 -2.95175286e-03
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6,949 | 6,950 | Sporty I bought my wife fumarate. Now during sex moans as Sharapova. | [-4.91587957e-03 5.82924187e-02 7.79383536e-03 -3.25763202e-03
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6,950 | 6,951 | How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None. First they beat the room for being black, then they arrest the light bulb for being broke. | [ 3.97814512e-02 2.00290270e-02 2.23156065e-02 4.10906114e-02
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6,951 | 6,952 | I am Looking a Bank I am Looking for a Bank which can perform Two things for me. Give me a Loan, and then Leave me Alone.... | [ 5.98686673e-02 -3.65464017e-02 -4.10198756e-02 4.74808216e-02
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6,952 | 6,953 | Came up with this joke this morning in the shower. I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons. | [-2.18950808e-02 4.87688370e-02 -1.09164119e-02 3.12580317e-02
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6,953 | 6,954 | I'm Indian but not "able to read sanskrit" Indian so slow down there Raj, aside from the heart eye emojis I have no idea wtf your DM means. | [ 3.35227810e-02 -8.29859301e-02 -7.48198340e-03 -2.35815623e-05
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6,954 | 6,955 | What do they pass around after dinner at Buckingham Palace? Under Eights. | [ 9.13676396e-02 4.71364073e-02 8.46501440e-03 5.04510589e-02
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6,955 | 6,956 | So if multiple cactus is cacti... NSFW Would a cat (animal) be cat-i? | [ 9.28881243e-02 9.39160306e-03 -3.29517499e-02 4.08075862e-02
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6,956 | 6,957 | Boy: Calls 911 Boy: calls 911 Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning. | [-7.71011859e-02 7.64625669e-02 3.07636242e-02 2.57628039e-02
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6,957 | 6,958 | I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes. I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis. . . . . I'll see myself out. | [-3.16111259e-02 -2.84048766e-02 1.68184675e-02 -3.34106460e-02
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6,958 | 6,959 | Fox has cancelled American Idol. From Now on, if I want to listen to bad music, I'll have to listen to Pitbull just like everyone else. | [ 6.80826902e-02 -1.29493773e-01 1.99292190e-02 1.41120644e-03
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6,959 | 6,960 | CW: My wedding is going to be expensive! Me: Wait till you see what the divorce is going to cost you! | [-3.29841450e-02 3.84146310e-02 4.84174415e-02 3.97722647e-02
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6,960 | 6,961 | Machine uprising? Ha! What can they do? Toaster gonna burn my bagel? Vending machine gonna steal my money? Like they do now... Holy shit. | [-2.45805383e-02 1.58131365e-02 3.75057906e-02 -4.30863425e-02
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6,961 | 6,962 | What do you call a typo on a tombstone A grave mistake. | [-5.61066605e-02 1.12121820e-01 -2.07115300e-02 -2.50821188e-02
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6,962 | 6,963 | You know, I just love whiteboards... They're remarkable. | [ 4.61084470e-02 -7.11383447e-02 -2.14847010e-02 -6.75812960e-02
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6,963 | 6,964 | I try not to tweet about things I'm doing incase it gets taken out of context, but this cock is delicious! | [-4.69034864e-03 -8.92341323e-03 -2.05400884e-02 -2.30749268e-02
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6,964 | 6,965 | What has bottom on the top? Legs. | [-3.14070284e-02 3.49499397e-02 9.08844173e-03 -2.13358253e-02
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6,965 | 6,966 | [to hot girl at bus stop as bus approaches] "I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to." | [-5.60633326e-03 5.92171215e-02 3.70753482e-02 4.95821349e-02
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6,966 | 6,967 | "Oh, you decided to close your bedroom door with me on the outside? Allow me to sing you the song of my people." -my cat | [ 4.24305312e-02 4.83885817e-02 3.49210426e-02 3.20801139e-02
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6,967 | 6,968 | How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Nail a piece of toast to the ceiling. | [ 2.68170927e-02 5.05944453e-02 -2.79523693e-02 1.81238111e-02
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6,968 | 6,969 | Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would've. | [-4.05698968e-03 8.48107040e-02 3.67003642e-02 8.18677247e-02
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6,969 | 6,970 | Hi college freshmen! I hope when you selected bedding for your dorm room you asked yourself, "Can I see myself throwing up on this pattern?" | [ 4.82027493e-02 -1.14835296e-02 7.34830350e-02 -2.78778449e-02
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6,970 | 6,971 | I have submitted 10 jokes now trying to reach the front page... no pun in ten did. | [-1.20309908e-02 -6.60682842e-02 -4.29605087e-03 -3.75006013e-02
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6,971 | 6,972 | Why did the hipster burn his tounge on his coffee? Cus he drank it before it was cool... | [ 3.65452431e-02 4.80275080e-02 1.59583818e-02 5.62524237e-02
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6,972 | 6,973 | IT Jokes Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking bitches! | [-7.02388734e-02 -3.22314329e-03 -1.78152211e-02 4.09017727e-02
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6,973 | 6,974 | What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in the fog?... At least when your eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you! | [ 8.15553665e-02 -8.23677853e-02 4.74123396e-02 4.91143465e-02
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6,974 | 6,975 | How do rabbits fly? In hareplanes. | [ 1.30884781e-01 -9.19503439e-03 1.07793761e-02 9.87234712e-02
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6,975 | 6,976 | I used to think "I hope I don't do anything stupid." Now it's more like "I hope whatever stupid shit I do at least fits in a tweet." | [-5.40201105e-02 -4.10984084e-02 6.22578710e-02 -4.28375155e-02
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6,976 | 6,977 | Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ? About an hour and a half after I arrived at school | [ 2.79692467e-03 6.47619441e-02 3.32041900e-03 2.65711211e-02
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6,977 | 6,978 | I tried to upload the Brazil vs Germany game to pornhub... But they removed it for rape | [-4.99860337e-03 4.32274938e-02 -8.06825683e-02 -8.62895176e-02
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6,978 | 6,979 | *knock knock* Go away I'm not home "I can hear you" I can hear you too..go away "I brought food" What kind of food | [ 3.57395317e-03 6.30763546e-02 6.04853816e-02 4.35655490e-02
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6,979 | 6,980 | Why couldn't the fortune teller fit into her shirt? Because she's a medium | [ 5.17780110e-02 5.95067777e-02 1.05502009e-02 5.94997033e-02
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6,980 | 6,981 | What does the shy little pebble wish for? To be a little Bolder. | [ 2.66505331e-02 4.77204099e-02 1.08443663e-01 2.41073370e-02
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6,981 | 6,982 | Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads? She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs. | [ 5.04636504e-02 1.97608825e-02 -4.82919393e-03 -8.91132373e-03
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6,982 | 6,983 | Is your name Summer? Coz you're HOT! | [-5.52331954e-02 -4.29861583e-02 3.36160772e-02 9.05062780e-02
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6,983 | 6,984 | Some bloke on FB called me a clown. Now I've got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that's what clowns do. | [-6.04322040e-03 3.19812335e-02 -2.69755851e-02 -3.12754023e-03
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6,984 | 6,985 | Today is Stevie Nicks' birthday. She is 67 years old. I wonder what that is in goat years? | [ 6.88692555e-02 5.28883934e-02 -3.72432964e-03 -2.11259909e-02
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6,985 | 6,986 | A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that's not a sacrifice I'm willing to make for love. | [ 1.54924942e-02 7.23293871e-02 1.52457207e-02 5.50055951e-02
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6,986 | 6,987 | What does a baby have in common with a old car? They're fun to take apart, but they're a real bitch to put back together. | [-5.22471368e-02 -1.06300013e-02 -7.45172100e-03 8.48723277e-02
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6,987 | 6,988 | I went camping recently. It was intense. | [ 5.41972145e-02 2.99266186e-02 1.54880118e-02 1.03083685e-01
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6,988 | 6,989 | What do you call a hippopotamus in an I.C.U.? Hippo-critical. | [-3.50686871e-02 7.73082674e-02 -3.29409353e-02 -8.34718160e-03
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6,989 | 6,990 | I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly "you are NOT the father" | [ 4.67217080e-02 7.78462877e-03 -1.35351848e-02 4.10632156e-02
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6,990 | 6,991 | Q: What is the first thing that President Clinton says after waking up? A: "Good morning Bill." | [-2.90810224e-03 9.31650773e-02 3.77847888e-02 7.54863918e-02
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6,991 | 6,992 | Lebron James quits basketball to become an actor And he's taking his talents to Hollywood | [ 6.44158348e-02 -1.00361900e-02 7.21797794e-02 -5.17784692e-02
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6,992 | 6,993 | I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car. | [ 6.37660772e-02 2.12213583e-03 -3.60774323e-02 6.22079184e-04
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6,993 | 6,994 | I never bought candy bars from those kids on my doorstep so I guess they're all in gangs now. | [-7.10842712e-03 2.15570163e-03 8.37444980e-03 -1.88587382e-02
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6,994 | 6,995 | PATIENT: I bet medical school was pretty tough DR DOG: yeah I remember one time I did my assignment 4 times bc I ate the first 3 copies lol | [-4.35739905e-02 2.62823328e-02 7.67299756e-02 1.07586933e-02
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6,995 | 6,996 | I don't like thinking about gravity. It brings me down. | [ 4.39439900e-02 -4.03243154e-02 4.37295698e-02 2.23347358e-02
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6,996 | 6,997 | Babies are just people that haven't hurt your feelings yet. | [ 2.91427057e-02 -8.53294972e-03 1.30466335e-02 8.97106528e-02
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6,997 | 6,998 | Everyone worries about Pao. They should be worried about... Darude Sandstorm | [ 4.98737954e-03 1.81136448e-02 5.96330725e-02 -6.79588020e-02
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6,998 | 6,999 | How many white teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb ...none they would rather sit in the dark (im white teenage and mean no harm in this joke) | [ 5.22572137e-02 8.91869590e-02 1.70549229e-02 6.96338266e-02
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6,999 | 7,000 | My tampon just leaked during my bath and now it looks like I made a tub full of passion fruit tea. | [-5.99369071e-02 -8.09660554e-02 9.76992399e-02 3.67251481e-03
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