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int64 0
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6,300 | 6,301 | Here it is, folks: "Do imaginary octopi have ... (wait for it) (wait for it) PRETENDACLES?" | [-9.59828049e-02 7.17094019e-02 1.86619675e-03 1.49981631e-02
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6,301 | 6,302 | If your gift says "from Mom and Dad" you just know Dad has absolutely no idea what's inside it. | [-5.86964749e-03 6.08038977e-02 -4.03396748e-02 -1.94693804e-02
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6,302 | 6,303 | What type of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers | [-1.00611985e-01 5.35847880e-02 -4.87314202e-02 1.84016004e-02
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6,303 | 6,304 | My wife doesn't believe that auto correct changed "Yes dear" to "Hell no I'm not picking your mother up from the airport at 1am." | [ 1.97665230e-03 3.29947211e-02 1.01809651e-01 5.62396049e-02
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6,304 | 6,305 | To the guy who named cotton candy: Yes! It looks just like it sounds. To the guy who named Milk Duds: What the hell is wrong with you? | [-8.95810574e-02 -5.99209592e-02 1.00952191e-02 -2.51756571e-02
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6,305 | 6,306 | A bar walks upto a bar... Hows that even possible | [-4.98977164e-03 -3.23874466e-02 1.93105619e-02 2.21366249e-02
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6,306 | 6,307 | He whispered in my ear that he liked being called daddy. I whispered back that I liked being called a cab. | [-4.76499498e-02 -3.77477892e-02 -1.72249712e-02 7.02095181e-02
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6,307 | 6,308 | If you're nervous about speaking in public just imagine everyone holding a meatball sub. Even if you're not nervous picture it. It's amazing | [ 5.40826432e-02 -2.27555297e-02 2.78104153e-02 -3.45994644e-02
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6,308 | 6,309 | "It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside" ME: Oh thank god "It's who you are on the inside" ME: Dang | [-3.73377688e-02 8.71395469e-02 7.13343397e-02 2.50804499e-02
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6,309 | 6,310 | Fat people just want to get into your pantries. | [ 5.89488707e-02 1.04655828e-02 5.50278835e-02 4.81111705e-02
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6,310 | 6,311 | I was in a good mood when suddenly twitter went down & I ran over a blind man, tasered a baby, killed a puppy & set myself on fire. | [ 1.00578479e-02 3.80044319e-02 -1.44063281e-02 6.00686930e-02
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6,311 | 6,312 | How do you say goodbye to a thousand Japanese people? A big wave | [ 1.55744758e-02 7.89482892e-02 4.14265580e-02 1.59041137e-02
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6,312 | 6,313 | we call em houseplants like thats where they belong but its just where we put em thats like if u threw me in the sewer & called me sewer boy | [ 2.96885911e-02 -6.29289225e-02 -2.14381624e-04 -3.17803696e-02
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6,313 | 6,314 | A lot of people say I'm condescending... (That means I talk down to people) | [ 5.01974188e-02 -1.06498497e-02 7.50577673e-02 2.22494714e-02
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6,314 | 6,315 | My sons kidnappers: if u ever want to see your son alive, press 1. Para Espanol marque dos Me: ugh i just want to speak to a real person | [-5.13722971e-02 8.93642474e-03 -4.43191379e-02 -4.21375185e-02
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6,315 | 6,316 | Learning about frequency is so boring ... It literally Hertz. | [ 6.16734438e-02 -3.31319720e-02 -5.97593561e-02 2.63490397e-02
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6,316 | 6,317 | 4-year-old: Is there candy in that drawer? Me: No. 4: Can I check? Me: Do you have a warrant? | [ 5.53266564e-03 3.33225019e-02 5.61706349e-02 -7.15730572e-03
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6,317 | 6,318 | How did I sleep in college? I slept like a baby... I woke up every two hours to vomit, shit myself and cry myself back to sleep. | [ 4.51883040e-02 7.25960266e-03 1.31903600e-03 6.59221634e-02
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6,318 | 6,319 | What does a bug say when it accidentally breaks its exoskeleton? You gotta be chitin me! | [-6.47514835e-02 -3.08139101e-02 5.71268052e-02 4.08497863e-02
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6,319 | 6,320 | Whenever I conduct a job interview I ask the applicant to name their favorite Muppet, and no matter the answer I scowl and shake my head. | [-6.27266541e-02 2.67671980e-02 4.57579568e-02 -1.47635126e-02
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6,320 | 6,321 | Cowboy:" Give me three packs of condoms, please." Cashier:" Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?" Cowboy: "Nah...She's purty good lookin'...." | [-1.45864770e-01 1.92015786e-02 -3.41865271e-02 1.83331873e-02
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6,321 | 6,322 | We're gathered here today to mourn the loss of Derek. His last words were "Watch me try and keep my eyes open while sneezing!" | [ 6.06413893e-02 -4.75233681e-02 1.04330026e-01 -3.77395600e-02
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6,322 | 6,323 | Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty. | [-3.95212099e-02 2.47420054e-02 1.69365853e-02 1.21213891e-01
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6,323 | 6,324 | My dad is my inspiration ...cause you never know when it's gonna hit you EDIT: missed a word | [ 3.96554470e-02 -4.75334264e-02 -1.00005716e-02 2.33935914e-03
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6,324 | 6,325 | What's big, grey and makes you jump? The elephant of surprise. :) | [ 7.09901331e-03 6.80938363e-02 1.20867364e-01 3.91503163e-02
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6,325 | 6,326 | My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food. | [ 3.78390960e-02 -1.15579292e-02 1.34829273e-02 2.68142261e-02
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6,326 | 6,327 | ME: Lord, what have I done to deserve this GOD: *unfurls a scroll that keeps going for miles* Well | [ 4.39234823e-03 8.20851251e-02 1.46011561e-02 -3.38966958e-02
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6,327 | 6,328 | I was watching some porn with a plot the other day It was pretty Fucking stupid | [ 2.18627546e-02 -3.99724059e-02 1.17044523e-02 -2.80773211e-02
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6,328 | 6,329 | Many women say a guy who makes them laugh is all they want. They fail to mention all the things it takes to put them in the mood to laugh. | [ 1.35415094e-02 -6.00552782e-02 1.12617193e-02 3.17398608e-02
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6,329 | 6,330 | I used to be a narcissist But now look at me | [ 2.41193809e-02 8.76921054e-04 -8.48321419e-04 9.30191875e-02
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6,330 | 6,331 | You know what Popeye and Napoleon have in common? They both come on those little jugs of Olive Oil. | [-9.91672873e-02 -1.33346878e-02 -9.19445511e-03 1.28321359e-02
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6,331 | 6,332 | I asked my wife for sex recently... She said, "No, it's a super moon, not a blue one". | [-1.21844551e-02 2.09548455e-02 8.64160135e-02 7.10058585e-02
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6,332 | 6,333 | TIL A new study shows that women drivers often turn into good drivers So if you're a good driver, look out for women drivers. | [ 8.89645815e-02 -8.86337087e-02 4.90316823e-02 9.98471305e-02
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6,333 | 6,334 | He died doing what he loved, checking his mentions while driving. | [ 1.16220728e-01 -1.70393605e-02 1.76350977e-02 -9.19668563e-03
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6,334 | 6,335 | Mothers are always one question from ruining your day. | [ 5.35287522e-02 8.87408778e-02 7.03978315e-02 5.86387329e-02
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6,335 | 6,336 | What do you call a kid with no legs, no arms and an eyepatch? Names. | [-2.82695275e-02 3.11567243e-02 -6.33184761e-02 9.57339909e-03
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6,336 | 6,337 | Always carry $100,000 cash on you at all times in case you ever feel like getting a sandwich from an airport. | [ 2.32890304e-02 7.70588070e-02 1.69789232e-02 -3.00574172e-02
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6,337 | 6,338 | How can working with cow hide act in your favor on a first date? As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck. | [-5.90018593e-02 -5.18534258e-02 7.20067471e-02 3.61662880e-02
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6,338 | 6,339 | Traffic cop: Just blow into this for me sir. Man in car: But that's a balloon. Traffic cop: if you just cooperate sir, it'll soon be a dog. | [-5.86029962e-02 3.60293090e-02 1.89718232e-02 3.22623029e-02
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6,339 | 6,340 | "I need to find somewhere to park," I told my wife. "What about over there?" she said. "I can't," I replied, "It says between 1 and 9 only." "Well, why is that stopping you?" "I'm 23." | [ 4.49774638e-02 6.95018005e-03 1.06768027e-01 1.31459348e-02
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6,340 | 6,341 | All my party planning skills revolve around exit strategies. | [ 6.94942027e-02 1.69592910e-02 6.86889291e-02 -2.55658571e-03
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6,341 | 6,342 | Christmas is my favorite four months of the year. | [ 4.80081737e-02 5.63083030e-02 -3.16278543e-03 -7.38577452e-03
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6,342 | 6,343 | What happened to the road? Depressions. | [ 3.16339433e-02 1.73419118e-02 7.52387196e-02 1.48511723e-01
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6,343 | 6,344 | Fe Fi Fo Fum Rhyme scheme tweets are kinda dumb | [ 2.06371620e-02 -1.11124963e-01 3.70107740e-02 -1.54693741e-02
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6,344 | 6,345 | I have awful jet lag The WiFi on this airliner is just terrible | [ 3.28903683e-02 -2.88881082e-02 -4.11558198e-03 8.16025659e-02
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6,345 | 6,346 | I have been single so long, I can finish my own sentences. | [ 4.36110655e-03 -3.69102322e-02 1.29980147e-01 7.37710446e-02
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6,346 | 6,347 | Pancake in Spanish is panqueque, which translates back into English as *does raise the roof motion* bread whaaaat whaaaat | [ 2.03182101e-02 -1.11648785e-02 3.67307588e-02 -2.37681326e-02
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6,347 | 6,348 | Homeless people wouldn't be half as poor if they didn't waste all of their money on sharpies and cardboard. | [ 3.59056480e-02 2.36806124e-02 6.93283677e-02 4.48069051e-02
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6,348 | 6,349 | What was the first 3D printer? Your butthole! *** This joke is awesome because it was created by a third grader where I teach. | [-1.16792984e-01 9.47716064e-04 -5.96031621e-02 1.74622051e-02
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6,349 | 6,350 | Her: I love that thing you do to make me moan. Me: *makes another plate of nachos* | [-6.04391694e-02 2.69641969e-02 7.97433779e-02 -1.95055101e-02
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6,350 | 6,351 | If you just got invited to do something on New Year's Eve, it means someone else cancelled. | [-6.98776264e-03 -3.54231037e-02 1.09148085e-01 4.74355510e-03
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6,351 | 6,352 | What did Melania Trump say after being stopped by an officer? License and registration, please. | [-9.61677870e-05 4.43262272e-02 6.79743737e-02 1.30992662e-02
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6,352 | 6,353 | I like my lovers like I like my golf score Hand drawn, messy, and totally unconvincing. | [-4.55916440e-03 9.47395712e-03 2.65577771e-02 4.11959589e-02
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6,353 | 6,354 | Are you afraid of quantum mechanics ? Dont worry, it's gonna be Feynman. | [-1.03343904e-01 -7.86555782e-02 2.61164294e-03 3.57348919e-02
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6,354 | 6,355 | *on my deathbed* *groggy, dazed, & delirious* Me: I wonder if my TC ever really loved me? Wife: Honey, what's a TC? Me: *pulls plug* | [-7.28676319e-02 5.00533357e-03 9.22104865e-02 4.42859530e-02
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6,355 | 6,356 | Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair. | [ 4.72325608e-02 -5.70887029e-02 -1.81507855e-03 1.13186203e-01
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6,356 | 6,357 | Vader: I AM your father. Luke: Why are you telling me this now? Vader: Luke: Vader: I need a kidney. | [-2.92314179e-02 -2.21133716e-02 6.66837245e-02 -5.11863381e-02
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6,357 | 6,358 | My mother always told me if you have nothing nice to say join 4chan | [ 3.81456353e-02 -4.82157357e-02 3.02513093e-02 -1.68522429e-02
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6,358 | 6,359 | Hate it when people ask me what I will be doing five years from now Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision | [-1.05237933e-02 1.16343303e-02 1.02322675e-01 -3.23992968e-02
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6,359 | 6,360 | What is a trailer park's favorite game? Twister | [-1.06311314e-01 -4.60215621e-02 1.78141948e-02 -5.34863658e-02
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6,360 | 6,361 | I've heard that 1 in 3 people have a pedophile as a neighbour. But that can't be right because my neighbours are sexy 5 and 7 year olds. | [ 6.64786696e-02 -1.28412694e-02 -2.20327391e-04 -5.58489515e-03
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6,361 | 6,362 | "Dance like the photo's not being tagged, Love like you've never been unfriended, Status Update like nobody's following." | [-6.65247515e-02 6.63961610e-03 3.74336983e-03 8.35296419e-03
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6,362 | 6,363 | Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair! | [ 3.69789377e-02 -5.79724833e-02 -3.42775835e-03 1.12060629e-01
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6,363 | 6,364 | Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory? She was fed up with the hole business. | [ 2.88493335e-02 6.66720495e-02 6.31875247e-02 3.32358703e-02
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6,364 | 6,365 | Me: *describing criminal* Well he was kind of *muffled laughter* "sketchy". Police Sketch Artist: *sighs heavily* Get out. | [ 4.12040949e-02 6.72711730e-02 -1.82569176e-02 -3.17065865e-02
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6,365 | 6,366 | So a proctologist is examining a patient. He pulls an anal thermometer out of his coat to make some notes. Looks at it and says "Damnit some asshole has my pen!" | [-1.99069045e-02 1.96458939e-02 -8.54466781e-02 2.92904004e-02
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6,366 | 6,367 | To Do List While in Jail 1. Ask someone for an Eskimo kiss and when they shake their head no say,"Hey why'd you start without me?" 2. 3. | [-6.71960786e-02 4.58397977e-02 9.68352333e-03 -3.67823690e-02
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6,367 | 6,368 | A squirrel and an elephant are in the bathroom. The elephant in the tub says to the squirrel, we have no soap. The squirrel says... "OH YEAH? NO SOAP RADIO!" | [-4.05169018e-02 4.61285263e-02 3.17570604e-02 1.88497156e-02
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6,368 | 6,369 | What do the Post Office and a shoe store have in common? Thousands of brown loafers | [-1.54280635e-02 1.66098382e-02 -1.45990327e-02 1.34954639e-02
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6,369 | 6,370 | Why do physicists love going to church It's the center of mass | [ 4.52865958e-02 -7.18019146e-05 3.76989581e-02 8.36441517e-02
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6,370 | 6,371 | Apparently people keep mistaking me for their Mirrors because they keep saying I'm ugly or fat | [ 8.00651219e-03 -2.10553575e-02 1.08858220e-01 1.05942570e-01
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6,371 | 6,372 | How do Mr. and Mrs. Weasley have sex? gingerly. | [-4.62181382e-02 9.95174609e-03 -3.46650034e-02 7.99159929e-02
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6,372 | 6,373 | [on the phone] wife: My mom tripped over the dog me: Is she ok? wife: Yeah me: Can I talk to her? wife: Sure *calls for the dog* | [-6.56076074e-02 7.06528053e-02 7.56763741e-02 6.05994202e-02
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6,373 | 6,374 | Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life...... unless it gets in his way. | [-3.77509296e-02 1.49959764e-02 -9.26450491e-02 3.05655766e-02
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6,374 | 6,375 | What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in. | [-2.53256261e-02 1.70211270e-02 6.56873733e-02 -6.57187169e-03
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6,375 | 6,376 | What do you call an ant who can't play the piano ? Discordant ! | [ 4.81377952e-02 -3.94227020e-02 -2.23186929e-02 -2.93396059e-02
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6,376 | 6,377 | What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look at me I'm changing. | [-2.34409072e-03 1.00326821e-01 2.49502826e-02 5.69807291e-02
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6,377 | 6,378 | I started microfinancing my money to get better savings. It just made a lot of cents to me. | [ 4.28353846e-02 -1.91251077e-02 8.83614528e-04 9.18377424e-04
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6,378 | 6,379 | *wakes up early* *goes for morning jog* *calls wife to pick him up because he's made a terrible mistake* | [ 2.97091994e-02 1.21180154e-01 8.82918984e-02 5.69565706e-02
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6,379 | 6,380 | Me: I'd kill for a body like that Them: well by monitoring your calorie intake and daily exercise you c- Me: yeah I'd rather kill | [-3.91960843e-03 7.76337087e-02 -1.01188142e-02 5.22964075e-02
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6,380 | 6,381 | What does a lesbian couple do for fun while they're having their periods? Fingerpaint! | [-4.98460121e-02 -6.15210570e-02 7.09477579e-03 3.93146445e-04
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6,381 | 6,382 | I accepted the Microsoft terms and conditions without reading them, and apparently I'm now responsible for hemming all of Bill Gates' pants. | [-2.70632673e-02 3.82124335e-02 5.43811545e-02 7.45957810e-03
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6,382 | 6,383 | Why couldn't the stoner simplify his binomials in front of the class? Because a watched pothead never FOILS. | [ 6.70510978e-02 8.33240375e-02 1.70789603e-02 -1.65179074e-02
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6,383 | 6,384 | Watching my son's soccer game in the cold and rain cuz I'm a good Mom. From my heated car cuz I'm not a total idiot. | [ 6.55183475e-03 1.10002151e-02 2.92314142e-02 2.04743855e-02
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6,384 | 6,385 | Hey bro do you remember your first blowjob? How did it taste? | [-7.09366053e-02 1.55511051e-02 7.13404967e-03 1.45005705e-02
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6,385 | 6,386 | What does a rock put on when it stinks? Geodorant. | [-4.55381675e-03 4.63849977e-02 1.38566673e-01 4.66461219e-02
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6,386 | 6,387 | What runs, but never sprints? Inherited obesity | [-1.06274392e-02 3.37767266e-02 -5.99855706e-02 8.38783905e-02
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6,387 | 6,388 | Did you hear about the old Italian chef? He pasta way | [-5.98791316e-02 1.57021394e-04 -5.29170260e-02 8.54984596e-02
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6,388 | 6,389 | I can't wait to see the phrase "He was the longest living member of the Baha Men" in an obituary | [ 1.16389338e-02 3.23297493e-02 -3.30818780e-02 7.54869878e-02
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6,389 | 6,390 | What did the french chef give his wife on Valentine's day? A hug and a little quiche. | [-8.56737867e-02 8.06060582e-02 6.64929003e-02 3.55770364e-02
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6,390 | 6,391 | Me: Excuse me, where's the rowing boat equipment? Employee: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. Me: ... Employee: ... Me: Or you'll what? | [-1.22354645e-03 1.24443747e-01 3.62193473e-02 -1.44256521e-02
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6,391 | 6,392 | I lost my virginity to a retarded girl I wanted my first night to be special. | [-1.08115003e-03 5.01434132e-02 4.50077392e-02 6.73934594e-02
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6,392 | 6,393 | My penis is 4 inches... ...but I find most girls don't like it that wide. | [ 1.57174870e-01 1.66321527e-02 5.83719797e-02 -1.17473621e-02
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6,393 | 6,394 | [job interview] "So we'll call you & let you know. Do you have any questions?" Yes, can you text me instead to let me know? | [-8.66938159e-02 9.91831198e-02 2.05380544e-02 4.55432013e-02
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6,394 | 6,395 | If you ever see on a road where a section of the dotted line is missing - There is no law there. | [ 4.24453960e-04 2.50844378e-02 -2.61741830e-03 1.08830091e-02
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6,395 | 6,396 | I witnessed a murder today... Though it may have just been a flock of jackdaws, I'm not a biologist. | [ 2.73481812e-02 -1.04481559e-02 -3.28711909e-03 -2.93751433e-02
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6,396 | 6,397 | I just totally misunderstood the meaning of 'Strip Mall' and could one of you guys send bail money? | [ 3.34440619e-02 3.88257578e-02 -4.13020290e-02 -2.31884606e-02
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6,397 | 6,398 | Why can't americans play LoL? They can't guard their towers. | [ 4.21138555e-02 -6.13317220e-03 2.70052496e-02 -6.30399808e-02
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6,398 | 6,399 | Travel Agent: Hello sir! Interested in a vacation? Me: *puts cat on the phone* [20 mins later] Travel Agent: I've got you booked for Maui | [ 2.56883707e-02 3.09629459e-02 4.60541099e-02 4.87706251e-02
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6,399 | 6,400 | Isn't it so awkward when you misplace a Rolex? It's like, do I want to tell people that there's a free Rolex on the loose? Relatable, right? | [ 7.11910427e-03 -2.24892497e-02 1.25681952e-01 1.07966522e-02
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