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6,400 | 6,401 | what currency does the sun use? starbucks | [ 3.93388048e-02 6.99025691e-02 -3.93215604e-02 8.09928700e-02
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6,401 | 6,402 | "I take pride in my job. I transport the worlds most precious cargo" -oh, u drive a school bus? "LMAO Hell no! I'm a drug smuggler u nerd" | [-2.43702121e-02 7.36726150e-02 1.22778667e-02 -1.13186566e-02
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6,402 | 6,403 | Why do cemeteries have fences? People are just dying to get in. | [ 1.33864164e-01 5.37082329e-02 3.36291380e-02 3.37832198e-02
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6,403 | 6,404 | Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you're just like... nah | [-3.97376623e-03 -2.12497097e-02 6.99602216e-02 4.37645130e-02
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6,404 | 6,405 | Q: Do you know about the book about copyright infringement? A: It had legal binding. | [-9.53116491e-02 8.23235363e-02 -2.43936330e-02 -1.38122691e-02
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6,405 | 6,406 | The quickest way to a woman's heart is with a scalpel, a bonesaw, a chest spreader, & ten cc's of nothing to lose. | [-7.25658005e-03 2.05119438e-02 2.80694459e-02 3.30498666e-02
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6,406 | 6,407 | I like my women like I like my wine. Twelve years old and locked in a cellar. | [-1.23747233e-02 2.21161973e-02 -1.08549213e-02 2.43027397e-02
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6,407 | 6,408 | How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad! | [ 1.38907637e-02 1.13368817e-01 3.21257766e-03 2.22624056e-02
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6,408 | 6,409 | Dust bunnies are great pets because they thrive on neglect. | [ 1.05103731e-01 1.42215146e-02 1.35595009e-01 3.70344147e-02
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6,409 | 6,410 | What type of wife always knows where her husband is? A widow | [ 6.90683126e-02 -1.30195655e-02 1.55848684e-02 7.03287050e-02
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6,410 | 6,411 | What's the difference between Santa and a jew? Santa goes down the chimney, the Jews go up. | [ 4.68675084e-02 1.60076439e-01 -4.65142354e-02 2.87877489e-02
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6,411 | 6,412 | "Its not you. Its me." ~ twins going through a photo album | [-4.08195518e-02 8.33199322e-02 6.23275489e-02 2.96547245e-02
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6,412 | 6,413 | Everybody wants to be wanted, except maybe fugitives. | [-3.19172367e-02 -6.20209649e-02 4.14390117e-02 2.01834482e-04
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6,413 | 6,414 | "How long have you been chopping wood for?" "I'm not sure, I'll check the logs" | [ 7.92421959e-03 5.57469241e-02 1.08464062e-01 3.01621370e-02
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6,414 | 6,415 | imagine getting a bj and the person's hair gets stuck in your chain wallet | [-6.14818856e-02 4.41608652e-02 2.45188475e-02 -3.27210268e-03
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6,415 | 6,416 | So there were a lot of celebrities at the DNC including Alicia Keys and Katy Perry. Hillary was excited because they are on her iPod. Bill was excited because they were on his to-do list. | [ 3.44241038e-02 -5.78376949e-02 4.59833108e-02 5.64204575e-03
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6,416 | 6,417 | How did the Linux admin commit assault? He sudo bashed someone. | [ 2.28293780e-02 6.13019578e-02 -5.72108813e-02 -8.53126403e-03
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6,417 | 6,418 | Q: Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns? A: To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight. | [ 4.12112996e-02 -1.88900549e-02 -1.40901115e-02 1.85278468e-02
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6,418 | 6,419 | What do you call a friendly Mancunian midwife? Ultra sound | [ 1.90233160e-02 -7.67359883e-02 -7.28868991e-02 2.38984600e-02
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6,419 | 6,420 | There are 10 kinds of people in the world... Those who know binary and those who don't. | [ 7.00803399e-02 -3.17956172e-02 -1.78249907e-02 -9.50071204e-04
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6,420 | 6,421 | The doctor asked if I was sexual active. I shook my head and said "Not in front of the wife". | [ 5.09842187e-02 6.59480467e-02 -1.11005865e-02 7.08426759e-02
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6,421 | 6,422 | When 2 Chainz doesn't want to be recognized he just takes off one chain. | [-1.93807518e-03 2.44539101e-02 -2.05175932e-02 2.35555181e-03
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6,422 | 6,423 | [soup kitchen] *homeless man is handed a plate* What the hell is this? -Turkey bacon. *throws tray against wall* I'm hungry! Not desperate! | [ 4.63727629e-03 9.18819904e-02 9.96415783e-03 4.65080589e-02
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6,423 | 6,424 | Comcast opens an airline. The airplane only goes full speed to certain, partner airports and if the airplane flies further than expected, you're charged per mile. | [ 1.41958445e-01 -8.23598132e-02 1.49058942e-02 -5.32900682e-03
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6,424 | 6,425 | It's Friday! I'm as happy as a newborn in a topless bar! | [-1.60234999e-02 4.61364724e-02 -3.22804949e-03 -1.81046631e-02
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6,425 | 6,426 | [showing my 4yo a Slinky] me: look, it's walking down the stairs kid: what else can it do me: literally nothing | [-1.14538567e-02 3.89175266e-02 8.73699710e-02 3.10607161e-02
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6,426 | 6,427 | My girl has been eating a lot of Mexican fast food and gaining tons of weight lately, but I'll never stop loving her She's my Taco Belle | [ 7.52273155e-03 -2.07961313e-02 8.21134672e-02 9.02694687e-02
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6,427 | 6,428 | Music star Kenny Rogers announced his retirement yesterday. In other news, Kenny Rogers is still alive, apparently. | [ 2.65712626e-02 -5.61257731e-03 -6.39348337e-03 7.28517026e-03
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6,428 | 6,429 | A Meteorologist's best subject is small talk. They only talk about the weather. | [ 4.43399101e-02 2.72389762e-02 1.24265783e-01 9.28514227e-02
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6,429 | 6,430 | I never wanna "touch base" with anyone, I type it in emails to sound business-y. | [-9.44258180e-03 -9.38100591e-02 8.34179968e-02 -3.22600603e-02
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6,430 | 6,431 | What did the coach say to his star player after he pissed his pants? Hey man urine | [-8.11114833e-02 8.10700655e-02 1.06115937e-02 2.84704991e-04
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6,431 | 6,432 | What did Princess Fiona call her husband when she found him in the middle of a gay orgy? Bishrekual | [ 6.98530441e-03 -8.89358390e-03 8.75881873e-03 1.13791898e-01
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6,432 | 6,433 | If I call you cupcake it's because I'm probably going to put my vanilla frosting on your forehead | [-7.01693594e-02 -5.13447486e-02 9.46198553e-02 3.37147824e-02
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6,433 | 6,434 | Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool ? Because they couldn't hold their trunks up ! | [ 6.49497425e-03 1.39188439e-01 8.24206471e-02 7.73466751e-02
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6,434 | 6,435 | Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week | [ 4.05971929e-02 3.13389599e-02 8.67285505e-02 -6.03519566e-02
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6,438 | 6,439 | Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar. It was tense. | [-1.54325841e-02 3.35656591e-02 6.86487975e-03 -2.75361445e-03
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6,439 | 6,440 | They're having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I'm dreading it. | [-1.50488522e-02 4.79590334e-02 9.79778022e-02 2.72437558e-02
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6,440 | 6,441 | "Nice legs" *Swipes right* "Nice legs" *Swipes right* "Nice legs" *Swipes right* "Nice legs" *Swipes right* - Spider tinder | [-4.35104482e-02 -4.06194031e-02 3.88011038e-02 -2.09627254e-03
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6,441 | 6,442 | I learned that Honey Bees in the United States developed a form of electronics - they're called U.S. Bees. | [-1.02090808e-02 -3.29949744e-02 2.76888236e-02 2.63765529e-02
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6,442 | 6,443 | A fat woman just served me at McDonalds... ... and said "Sorry about the wait". I replied and said "Don't worry, you'll lose it eventually". | [-1.19845895e-02 2.68023517e-02 4.89749797e-02 1.02620199e-01
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6,443 | 6,444 | two apples enter a bar... ...then I got sued by Apple | [-4.40304633e-03 6.57535270e-02 1.60868019e-02 -3.09759825e-02
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6,444 | 6,445 | The lady at the massage parlor asked if I wanted a happy ending, I said yes and then she proceeded to tell me the plot of Homeward Bound. | [-1.10356156e-02 5.44390865e-02 2.17714738e-02 5.41173890e-02
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6,445 | 6,446 | You teabag But Chuck Norris potato sacks | [-5.60552888e-02 -2.44531576e-02 -1.08519018e-01 2.16632374e-02
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6,446 | 6,447 | What do you call a Dr. that shares your medical history with everyone? a HIPAAcrite | [-4.92041633e-02 9.24922526e-02 -4.68474627e-02 -3.36342975e-02
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6,447 | 6,448 | The problem with feminists... The problem with feminists is that they don't stop talking and I just want to fuck them. | [ 2.37390585e-02 -8.62252191e-02 -3.80319618e-02 4.93403263e-02
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6,448 | 6,449 | The shortest distance between two points is always closed due to some bullshit construction that should've been finished a year ago. | [ 1.90971699e-03 1.49464794e-02 2.23248973e-02 -2.05636844e-02
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6,449 | 6,450 | Police headquarters was broken into last night. All the toilets were stolen. Investigators have nothing to go on. | [ 1.67963728e-02 3.44646759e-02 4.15059552e-02 -3.56681235e-02
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6,450 | 6,451 | Me: What's the point if it's not a little violent, dirty? I wanna feel alive. The blood makes me feel ALIVE. Dentist: Please just floss more | [-3.90859544e-02 -2.94030719e-02 -4.57614195e-03 2.74282624e-03
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6,451 | 6,452 | I drop it like it's an expensive electronic device I've recently purchased. | [-5.01044318e-02 2.30793096e-02 5.78157082e-02 -6.37486205e-03
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6,452 | 6,453 | How do you assemble a computer? Bit by bit. | [ 4.15214822e-02 7.57424384e-02 -5.12477569e-02 -3.38283144e-02
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6,453 | 6,454 | Fish Cakes A guy walks into a bar with a Salmon under his arm and says, "Do you sell fish cakes here?" Bartender: No we don't. Guy: That's a shame... it's his birthday. | [-3.47513065e-04 1.13765985e-01 2.34016199e-02 -3.96591350e-02
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6,454 | 6,455 | Lawyers really aren't so bad, it's just ninety-nine percent of lawyers that make the rest look bad. | [ 2.46177223e-02 7.39886612e-02 1.49367214e-03 -4.67857495e-02
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6,455 | 6,456 | Man comes to psychologist's office He kicks the door open, enters, leans above the desk, and staring psychologist in the eyes says: "Now, tell me, bald ugly little man, why I don't have any friends?" | [-2.65056249e-02 8.89685005e-02 -2.25954819e-02 9.88936350e-02
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6,456 | 6,457 | My friend started jogging so he'd live longer. He got hit by a bus and died the next day. | [ 5.69302179e-02 7.22438917e-02 3.49577293e-02 5.92892207e-02
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6,457 | 6,458 | One of my oldest friends is my receding hairline... We go way back. | [-4.53958288e-02 -8.55984911e-02 9.62135941e-02 2.09351555e-02
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6,458 | 6,459 | Who is the richest person in the Bible? The Pharao's daughter. She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet. | [-2.54770555e-02 8.03268552e-02 5.56347426e-03 6.23653196e-02
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6,459 | 6,460 | Jogging, but with a car. | [ 7.07960352e-02 6.46868795e-02 6.11372478e-03 8.70078579e-02
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6,460 | 6,461 | Always helpful... Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot. | [-2.57258788e-02 5.23435250e-02 1.25499107e-02 -1.51084957e-03
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6,461 | 6,462 | Asians be like... ay bb u wan sum duck? | [-4.59219562e-03 -5.52730542e-03 -3.00955698e-02 4.18921188e-02
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6,462 | 6,463 | What did the racist chess player say? All Rook same! | [ 9.34362505e-03 1.01616755e-01 -1.32146865e-01 -6.25245348e-02
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6,463 | 6,464 | [At a bar] Guy: Did it hurt? Me: What? G: When you fell walking in. I saw you fall on your face. Everyone saw. | [ 1.77541636e-02 6.86060190e-02 6.57810867e-02 7.06358850e-02
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6,464 | 6,465 | You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching. | [-2.42827442e-02 -7.07342252e-02 6.35416359e-02 5.08629754e-02
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6,465 | 6,466 | Eating cheese right off the block then realizing you've eaten too much so you eat a bunch of chips makes it like nachos, right? Hey, fellas | [-1.43503994e-02 -4.44271751e-02 3.70113272e-03 6.64857924e-02
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6,466 | 6,467 | Girls use lotion for hands Boys use lotion for skin. | [ 1.00710187e-02 3.81630659e-02 7.71072656e-02 2.30104383e-03
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6,467 | 6,468 | It's taken me ages... ...but I've finally finished reading Stephen Hawking's book. It's about time. | [ 5.68649173e-03 -3.30311693e-02 3.64322737e-02 7.02808946e-02
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6,468 | 6,469 | Why do Asians prefer Sony? Because it's a stereo type | [ 3.78328636e-02 2.45248768e-02 1.59053784e-03 -6.77009076e-02
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6,469 | 6,470 | How do you make a tissue dance ? Put a little boogie in it ! | [-2.12491546e-02 -5.77976033e-02 2.91688479e-02 -6.88855574e-02
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6,470 | 6,471 | A fart is just a turd honking for the right of way. Yep | [ 9.23090950e-02 -1.39668249e-02 3.73451486e-02 4.20535505e-02
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6,471 | 6,472 | Snowman in the summer What do you call a snowman in the summer? "A puddle" | [-6.24899231e-02 4.76845130e-02 3.30826864e-02 4.43431772e-02
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6,472 | 6,473 | A man and a woman walk into an elevator The man asks the woman, can I smell your feet? The woman looks at him with disgust and says no. The man says, it must be your vagina then. | [-5.48561923e-02 -4.20990167e-03 3.39153111e-02 2.17798240e-02
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6,473 | 6,474 | Why did the man get sent to jail? Black male | [-5.66622727e-02 1.08108938e-01 -8.33993927e-02 1.00514673e-01
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6,474 | 6,475 | Want to know why fish tanks are stupid They don't even have a military. | [-1.02316877e-02 2.57849935e-02 1.80378295e-02 -3.85775268e-02
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6,475 | 6,476 | If you're American when you enter the bathroom, and American when you exit the bathroom, what are you while you're IN the bathroom? European. | [ 9.18493867e-02 1.12417713e-02 -2.01430880e-02 -1.06704878e-02
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6,476 | 6,477 | Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money! | [-5.86084798e-02 1.61989674e-01 3.34122777e-02 -3.14291343e-02
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6,477 | 6,478 | I kinda want Hillary to win the US election Just for the sheer irony of her sitting at the desk Monica was under. | [ 5.18728495e-02 -3.15006673e-02 8.17586184e-02 -4.02726978e-02
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6,478 | 6,479 | What do you call a mexican who lost his car. Carlos | [-3.33226398e-02 1.22140445e-01 -2.20509730e-02 5.03936633e-02
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6,479 | 6,480 | How does a Muslim close a door? Islams it! | [ 8.68439376e-02 1.27663538e-01 -3.65992263e-02 5.28824702e-02
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6,480 | 6,481 | shoot for the moon, even if u miss u'll forever be the one peopel point at and whispre "thats the idiot who shot literal bulets at the moon" | [ 3.78863066e-02 5.84384333e-03 3.41228656e-02 -2.34666876e-02
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6,481 | 6,482 | Never end a tweet with a question mark. People will talk to you. | [-7.13142985e-03 3.29880416e-02 5.44371605e-02 5.52642532e-03
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6,482 | 6,483 | I just assume everyone on my Christmas list has been naughty. Makes things simpler. | [-8.66989698e-03 1.79359540e-02 1.85619444e-02 6.16926933e-03
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6,483 | 6,484 | Who's the biggest slut ever? Mrs. Pacman--for 25 cents that bitch swallowed balls till she died. | [ 6.53184205e-02 2.25456432e-02 -7.62788206e-03 -1.05237728e-02
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6,484 | 6,485 | I've got a new aardvark. Would you like to play with him? I don't really know. I've heard it growling it doesn't sound very friendly. Does it bite? That's what I want to find out. | [-9.73174628e-03 -4.05328944e-02 -1.23354455e-03 1.61974281e-02
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6,485 | 6,486 | why do they throw shit at a pakistani wedding? keeps the flies away from the bride | [ 4.93260883e-02 1.29791379e-01 6.14435188e-02 5.63323833e-02
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6,487 | 6,488 | If history has taught me anything, it's that the person with the loudest, wettest cough will always sit down beside me in a waiting room. | [ 1.95435304e-02 4.00105817e-03 -6.42743753e-03 6.50968216e-03
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6,488 | 6,489 | They call me Metal Gear Because my snake is solid | [-7.33863562e-02 5.29581606e-02 4.68609072e-02 7.42932558e-02
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6,489 | 6,490 | In an attempt to build some exercise into my daily routine, I've put the biscuits on a higher shelf. Boy, I'm gonna be sore tomorrow. | [-3.73307653e-02 -1.33809848e-02 -6.75376356e-02 2.13024095e-02
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6,490 | 6,491 | What do you call 4 condoms? For me, a year's supply. | [-5.68521209e-02 1.62989497e-02 5.06312726e-03 -2.21043192e-02
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6,491 | 6,492 | Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall and sued the construction company for using poor material for building the wall | [ 1.35540334e-03 1.15214340e-01 6.77294433e-02 -1.47784809e-02
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6,492 | 6,493 | People who tie their sweaters around their necks look like they were giving somebody a piggyback ride before the person got Raptured. | [-2.91494541e-02 9.20580104e-02 1.30165368e-02 5.16266972e-02
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6,493 | 6,494 | My sister bet me 200 dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti... You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta! | [-9.85601991e-02 1.04731128e-01 -3.21040489e-02 5.10442182e-02
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6,494 | 6,495 | What happened to the tasty noun? Verbatim. | [ 6.45174980e-02 -4.55151610e-02 2.46248376e-02 1.19073994e-01
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6,495 | 6,496 | Ok gas pump, enough! Credit or debit? Zip code? Reward Card? Car Wash? Receipt? What octane? It takes less buttons to launch a nuke! | [-6.90983534e-02 4.64202538e-02 -1.49239944e-02 -5.70461713e-03
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6,496 | 6,497 | My 4-year-old is playing doctor with her baby dolls. She walked by a minute ago holding just a leg. Surgery didn't go well. | [ 5.09877913e-02 2.46812738e-02 6.26008213e-02 -5.65565238e-03
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6,497 | 6,498 | Aragorn: If I can protect you, I will. You have my sword Legolas: And you have my bow Gimli: and my axe Steve: and my 439 Twitter followers | [-8.63802955e-02 7.03223124e-02 -1.79194715e-02 1.39964605e-03
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6,498 | 6,499 | [Last supper] Jesus: Same time next week guys? *they all nod* Judas: I'll book a table for 12 Jesus: you mean 13 Judas: yeah..13, I meant 13 | [-7.95523915e-03 9.94375348e-02 -7.48412497e-03 -1.16091527e-01
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6,499 | 6,500 | Who is fastest girl in the world? Answer: Airtel 4G girl. | [ 1.40970629e-02 2.29963101e-02 3.59151103e-02 2.02315841e-02
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5.50956205e-02 8.66377668e-04 -2.77992375e-02 2.83253733e-02
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6.50884956e-02 -3.69704627e-02 -5.57288416e-02 2.45001595e-02
1.02587424e-01 -2.75516137e-02 1.84407886e-02 1.03101470e-02
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9.40696150e-03 -6.91153258e-02 -1.09267728e-02 -1.40019832e-02] |
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