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5,800 | 5,801 | It's 2011 and we're not driving dragons? The future sickens me. | [-8.02745111e-03 -4.24530730e-03 8.32288116e-02 -1.26580959e-02
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5,801 | 5,802 | [2 Years into Cosmetology School] Me:[applying perfect contours] When are we gonna start learning about space? | [ 6.56696633e-02 -4.85569797e-02 4.70848717e-02 -2.20396966e-02
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5,802 | 5,803 | The Golden Globes is how everyone else on twitter gets revenge on sports fans. | [-1.98449604e-02 -2.31269393e-02 5.55674843e-02 -6.55453699e-03
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5,803 | 5,804 | me: remember how i was talking about getting a xylophone [doctor holds up my x-ray] where the hell are your ribs? me: im trying to tell you | [ 1.07535034e-01 5.08104637e-02 1.53460784e-03 -2.57278401e-02
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5,804 | 5,805 | My friend told me that each person creates 10 tons of CO2 a year, and said I should be taking steps to bring that number down so I shot a guy. | [-1.44516453e-02 6.25563860e-02 -4.11216877e-02 1.00232577e-02
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5,805 | 5,806 | What's the difference between little girls and wine? Wine gets better as it gets older | [ 4.91088964e-02 -3.49871553e-02 -4.12015393e-02 5.77694215e-02
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5,806 | 5,807 | Anyone remember the joke about the dwarf? Can't think right now, should be easy to remember, it was only a short one. | [-3.63633111e-02 8.85065421e-02 1.40050286e-02 6.53694421e-02
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5,807 | 5,808 | What does a mathematician get from a day at the beach? Tan lines. | [ 6.55572105e-04 8.55577290e-02 6.00221828e-02 6.22992553e-02
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5,808 | 5,809 | I overheard my daughter asking the little boy next door, "Are you the opposite sex, or am I." | [ 3.50489579e-02 8.43488872e-02 -7.23725092e-03 6.40122145e-02
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5,809 | 5,810 | What do you call a group of obese gender reassigned persons? Trans fats. | [-1.46991620e-02 -6.15587516e-04 -4.45972607e-02 1.09431282e-01
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5,810 | 5,811 | Why don't the french like kiwifruit? Because of the green piece inside. | [ 3.81131172e-02 4.84043583e-02 4.30239029e-02 2.80851079e-03
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5,811 | 5,812 | Did you know that the idea of recycling actually came about from a group of pirates? They came up with the idea of the four R's. | [-6.10296465e-02 3.37287299e-02 -5.25093600e-02 -2.56965254e-02
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5,812 | 5,813 | "i'll be back" --arnold schwarzenegger getting into a 2-man horse costume | [-7.68248886e-02 3.83087508e-02 1.46187171e-02 9.86039056e-04
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5,813 | 5,814 | Show me a man who calls himself a vegan and I'll show you a man who's trying to sleep with a vegan. | [-4.40576598e-02 9.45291854e-03 7.34472694e-03 1.03599820e-02
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5,814 | 5,815 | Dear movies, We'll never be upset to the point of throwing expensive jewelry at the bottom of the ocean. Never. Sincerely, Women | [ 2.68193483e-02 6.38416409e-02 1.34629859e-02 1.64340232e-02
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5,815 | 5,816 | Why do female skydivers wear tampons? So they don't whistle on the way down. | [ 5.41408285e-02 -6.13217801e-02 1.13673275e-02 1.51770692e-02
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5,816 | 5,817 | I now feel I've watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I'll be able to successfully make it in prison. | [-3.83979492e-02 -8.31379145e-02 -3.34675908e-02 -4.47738916e-02
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5,817 | 5,818 | Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12... ....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu | [-5.38216494e-02 8.71518180e-02 -3.96191590e-02 -7.03071756e-03
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5,818 | 5,819 | What do you call a black widow trapped in a bowl of noodles? Natasha Ramenoff | [-4.07809727e-02 -5.76244704e-02 -3.26718651e-02 7.45082647e-02
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5,819 | 5,820 | What's Harry Potter's favorite way to go down a hill? Walking...JK, Rolling! | [-3.56760509e-02 4.22734432e-02 3.06683569e-03 3.61719429e-02
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5,820 | 5,821 | What has 3 thumbs and was born near a nuclear power plant? This guy | [-5.17771300e-03 3.71864885e-02 -4.98985983e-02 7.58874118e-02
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5,821 | 5,822 | LMAOSHMSFOAIDMT = Laughing my ass off so hard my sombrero fell off and I dropped my taco. | [ 8.15018043e-02 4.55502374e-03 4.07705642e-03 3.17880102e-02
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5,822 | 5,823 | Has anyone seen my sex doll? Of course I checked the tree house. Oh wait, it's here on the front lawn, still in your wedding dress LOL | [ 7.86831528e-02 7.37008220e-03 7.13977143e-02 -2.43997225e-03
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5,823 | 5,824 | Exec 1: So, you wait in long lines. No shade. Crying kids. Drinks cost $7.00. Exec 2: Nice. What do we call it? E1: Lol, "amusement park." | [-1.62616614e-02 -1.12149343e-02 4.48612459e-02 3.77038568e-02
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5,824 | 5,825 | In a furious argument, the wife tells her husband... - I should have married the devil instead of you! - Well, that's impossible. Marriage between cousins is forbidden! | [-7.48005807e-02 5.14733568e-02 -9.43263397e-02 6.55612955e-03
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5,825 | 5,826 | Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide... | [ 1.65276565e-02 -5.05336281e-03 3.69937941e-02 2.18123570e-02
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5,826 | 5,827 | Jokes about unemployed people aren't funny they just don't work. | [-4.50613014e-02 -8.90776441e-02 3.58452350e-02 8.99775103e-02
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5,827 | 5,828 | How do generals show their gratitude to their troops? They give tanks. | [-9.10717398e-02 8.77916813e-02 3.52558568e-02 -6.21175095e-02
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5,828 | 5,829 | "If you don't let the Jews go, I will find you. I will kill you." Liam Neeson returns in... TAKEN 3: SCHINDLER'S PISSED (Summer 2015) | [-4.34563793e-02 2.61625927e-02 -4.43854071e-02 -8.84779077e-03
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5,829 | 5,830 | When people say "I'm not getting any younger!" I wonder what other basic life concepts they just learned. | [ 2.95106955e-02 1.78018436e-02 -2.39997115e-02 8.32340792e-02
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5,830 | 5,831 | What's your favorite medical joke? I've memorized a lot of jokes from a previous "doctor joke" thread, and need some fresh material! | [-5.97567931e-02 1.26008922e-02 9.91305616e-03 3.15959714e-02
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5,831 | 5,832 | Does the employee manual say I CAN'T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you. | [ 3.94743085e-02 3.88407819e-02 -1.02635123e-01 4.80986834e-02
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5,832 | 5,833 | Anybody ever get paid to smuggle drugs in their butt? ... Cause it sounds like a dope ass job. | [-6.91777542e-02 2.05771625e-02 2.29564831e-02 -6.14883527e-02
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5,833 | 5,834 | Figured out how to make my dick 1mm Fold it in half | [-2.16904357e-02 5.05969189e-02 -7.31736014e-04 4.92576091e-03
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5,834 | 5,835 | How do you tell the difference between an East Indian Chef and a porn star? Ask them to pronounce the word cumin. | [-3.18869948e-03 -4.31464836e-02 -1.26399274e-03 1.44533964e-03
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5,835 | 5,836 | Why would Donald Trump want to lose the election? Winning means he'd need to live in a smaller house in a black neighborhood | [ 1.21062502e-01 6.36687204e-02 7.23789334e-02 2.14041825e-02
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5,836 | 5,837 | What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear? One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear. | [ 5.11833392e-02 -8.87696072e-03 6.45771902e-03 7.22448975e-02
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5,837 | 5,838 | My doctor told me if I was 5" taller I'd be at the ideal weight, so I'm going to try and give that a shot. | [ 1.39006823e-02 1.88171584e-02 7.97399506e-02 4.96390760e-02
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3.04647107e-02 -1.40435351e-02 -3.12453154e-02 1.65907681e-04] |
5,838 | 5,839 | So I bought a nihilistic pencil It's pointless. | [-2.10671350e-02 8.35903268e-03 -1.39442692e-02 -2.68162577e-03
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5,839 | 5,840 | Why do humans mainly use the decimal number system? It's just what we tend to do | [-8.73711053e-03 1.52877588e-02 -1.70928873e-02 -7.08916783e-02
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5,844 | 5,845 | Why are teenage girls so odd? Because they can't even. | [ 4.26350869e-02 -2.41092294e-02 5.34120947e-02 -9.13690869e-03
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5,845 | 5,846 | the average Russian day When you ask a Russian how his day is going. "It is an average day today: not as good as yesterday, but better than tomorrow." | [-9.76333208e-03 5.16587459e-02 3.80488150e-02 8.31483975e-02
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5,846 | 5,847 | I wish I had the confidence in humanity that Guinness had when they bought a 9,000 year lease. | [ 2.51430776e-02 1.19137935e-01 3.36406529e-02 1.21383881e-02
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5,847 | 5,848 | How do you stop a baby from crawling in a circle? Nail it's other hand to the floor. | [-3.94547656e-02 4.81828041e-02 -4.51307446e-02 1.04479268e-02
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5,848 | 5,849 | Daughter announced there will be rain for Thanksgiving. We usually have turkey but with her cooking skills rain will taste better. | [ 4.96735945e-02 -7.54145086e-02 9.57969725e-02 1.15060220e-02
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5,849 | 5,850 | Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue you've broken!! Sardar: Thank God! I thought it was a new one! | [-3.46308798e-02 1.34295017e-01 3.16856578e-02 -1.93162430e-02
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5,850 | 5,851 | Ever wonder why tiny little paper cuts hurt so bad? Cause you're a pussy | [ 9.96106770e-03 -3.36305499e-02 8.83601606e-02 1.09788261e-01
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5,851 | 5,852 | "Why does that guy always get all the women?" "I don't know...he isn't very handsome or rich" "And he's a terrible conversationalist - all he does is sit there licking his eyebrows" | [ 4.15539294e-02 -3.42637300e-02 1.65757332e-02 5.49574904e-02
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5,852 | 5,853 | My cat jumped off me unexpectedly, so I get it, Europe. I get it. | [ 1.29704997e-01 5.72991781e-02 6.06018119e-02 2.08102651e-02
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5,853 | 5,854 | What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer? They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows. | [ 6.67537004e-03 2.91865002e-02 -2.60208156e-02 8.27483237e-02
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5,855 | 5,856 | Helen Keller walks into a bar... ... then a chair and then a table. | [-2.39536781e-02 -3.80945317e-02 -1.13287549e-02 1.33143872e-01
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5,860 | 5,861 | I had a converstation with my employer, who recently purchased a new car, today. I said, "nice car!", he replied, "I'm sure you said that yesterday...". | [-4.04838063e-02 1.11253157e-01 5.91131225e-02 -3.67342355e-03
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5,861 | 5,862 | What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? Shoot him again. | [ 3.44793200e-02 4.98097017e-03 4.92484914e-03 2.77984962e-02
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5,862 | 5,863 | I have an old resolution 640x480 | [ 3.72524858e-02 2.37185112e-03 5.40603139e-03 -4.80996631e-02
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5,863 | 5,864 | Wanna hear a joke about sodium? Na | [-1.09386712e-01 -3.37166153e-02 4.74547371e-02 3.87440957e-02
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5,864 | 5,865 | Heard of the man who banged an ATM? He came into a lot of money | [ 9.89914872e-03 6.75321892e-02 -6.01506494e-02 1.30538130e-02
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5,865 | 5,866 | Starbucks and Hooters should merge. Can you imagine ordering a Double D Latte? Everything you need in a cup or two. | [-1.81105211e-02 -7.65445903e-02 -6.38577482e-03 -1.51620451e-02
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5,866 | 5,867 | Alcohol is like liquid Photoshop for real life. | [-1.85520109e-02 -3.36602610e-03 2.23060939e-02 4.36309762e-02
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5,867 | 5,868 | I rode a taxi It was fake | [-3.51593643e-02 5.63593209e-02 1.05126593e-02 1.97891500e-02
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5,868 | 5,869 | I'm more likely to wear a donut on my wrist than any fitness tracker. | [-4.20271084e-02 3.40231471e-02 1.33360518e-04 2.88705882e-02
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5,869 | 5,870 | "Daddy, are vampires real?" "No, sweetie. Go back to bed." *waits until daughter is asleep* *grabs red Sharpie* *draws 2 dots on her neck* | [-3.91865708e-02 -3.27198133e-02 1.09607074e-02 6.22166805e-02
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5,870 | 5,871 | Like a flat tire.......how I'm rolling this morning. | [-1.70182325e-02 1.79655496e-02 -3.80651951e-02 9.37379226e-02
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5,871 | 5,872 | I never date girls from china... That's a big red flag. | [ 8.84083062e-02 3.94713730e-02 4.99840379e-02 3.03080305e-02
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5,872 | 5,873 | When I see 18 wheelers carrying something covered with a tarp, I just assume that it's an injured Transformer. | [-7.26705492e-02 1.45789966e-01 6.33244067e-02 1.59507189e-02
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5,873 | 5,874 | Everytime I pull a prank on Niagara She falls for it | [-5.13259023e-02 4.12050122e-03 1.18798807e-01 1.19193178e-02
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5,874 | 5,875 | What do kazoos and my father have in common? They were both around for a short time in the '90s only to be unheard of from then on. | [-4.47342880e-02 -6.49087410e-03 -1.22600067e-02 -1.13096787e-02
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5,875 | 5,876 | I ordered a chicken and egg from Amazon. I'll let you know. | [-1.49848368e-02 -9.61337984e-03 3.77200171e-02 6.32715002e-02
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5,876 | 5,877 | I'd tell you the joke about the pirate But I don't think its arrrrrrpropriate. | [-1.85666904e-02 -1.75986439e-02 -5.86760230e-02 3.10598984e-02
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5,877 | 5,878 | What's a russian's favorite golf club? A putin wedge. | [ 2.52635069e-02 -1.36257997e-02 -6.09861612e-02 7.17611983e-02
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5,878 | 5,879 | My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft... I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there. | [ 2.12625787e-03 4.14267890e-02 2.75058895e-02 -1.31959934e-02
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5,879 | 5,880 | Rudolph is the only reindeer who doesn't have a stripper name. | [ 8.51839036e-03 4.95963357e-02 -4.87644002e-02 4.64731865e-02
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5,880 | 5,881 | I've been out of work for so long that I've almost forgotten how to hate people. | [-5.73662668e-02 5.07918112e-02 1.04588971e-01 6.37006238e-02
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5,881 | 5,882 | Have you been to /r/brucejennerspenis? I heard it was removed. | [-1.18963709e-02 2.18854044e-02 -4.38037328e-02 6.48701116e-02
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5,882 | 5,883 | HR: Know why we called you down? Me: Hmm...a raise? HR: You know we monitor internet usage right? Me: I'd like to report a hacking! | [-4.35613990e-02 4.81333025e-02 -4.17516045e-02 2.80882493e-02
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5,883 | 5,884 | Why don't Jews eat pussy? It's too close to the gas chamber | [ 1.35402933e-01 3.74131016e-02 -7.07009882e-02 3.16855833e-02
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5,884 | 5,885 | A young boy died after having sex with his teacher... His friends high fived him to death. Zak galifinakorishdjignko | [-5.68119995e-02 1.18498407e-01 -9.23725441e-02 -5.91020193e-03
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5,885 | 5,886 | I thought time away from my phone would be good, but then I thought of a tweet & had to write it on a Post-it note like some fucking savage. | [-9.89065617e-02 2.62483452e-02 3.28166820e-02 -9.10732336e-03
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5,886 | 5,887 | What's black and doesn't work? A broken TV.............. racist. | [-5.37595339e-02 3.62762087e-03 -1.28828622e-02 7.88376108e-03
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5,887 | 5,888 | What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards? In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond. Later on, a club and a spade. | [-1.07325139e-02 3.07406504e-02 -1.37916002e-02 2.26098262e-02
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5,888 | 5,889 | What's the cheapest form of birth control? Casey Anthony | [-6.55597299e-02 7.19913542e-02 -1.48683218e-02 5.17845675e-02
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5,890 | 5,891 | Did you hear about that guy who got the entire left side of his body cut off? Yeah but he is all right now | [ 1.80469304e-02 2.98128929e-02 5.35382442e-02 3.54234427e-02
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5,891 | 5,892 | DON'T TOUCH ME! AND YOU'RE BREATHING WRONG! STOP IT! -wives, on their period Or if they're hungry. Or if you are actually breathing wrong. | [-5.02420450e-03 -6.77978247e-03 2.80897133e-02 3.28054391e-02
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5,892 | 5,893 | Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake | [-3.44641544e-02 -1.27905477e-02 6.64411560e-02 -2.84207938e-03
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5,893 | 5,894 | Camping as a couple is stressful... ...it's two in tents. | [ 7.09699094e-02 5.06976843e-02 -3.36966701e-02 9.31026340e-02
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5,894 | 5,895 | How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU WOULDN'T KNOW!!! YOU WEREN'T THERE! | [ 4.66664769e-02 5.91668077e-02 -1.86095852e-02 1.86071973e-02
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5,895 | 5,896 | It's all fun and games until HR sends an email with "Your Twitter Account" in the subject line. | [-4.70027998e-02 2.37055179e-02 1.37764094e-02 1.11230370e-02
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5,896 | 5,897 | my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera | [-2.86730658e-02 3.88454553e-03 6.77001253e-02 4.60313587e-03
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5,897 | 5,898 | I love how girls say that they like a guy with a sense of humour and yet you'll never find a poster of Mr Bean on their wall. | [-4.49122861e-02 -4.06994149e-02 1.11177089e-02 2.60011908e-02
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5,898 | 5,899 | Does anyone have the address for starving kids in Africa? Our daughter doesn't want her waffle fries. | [-2.78780572e-02 3.09811328e-02 1.41108863e-03 4.47554849e-02
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5,899 | 5,900 | Bakers trade bread recipes... on a knead-to-know basis. | [-2.79096775e-02 2.36546099e-02 4.56773769e-03 1.70348212e-02
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