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5,700 | 5,701 | Welcome, take off your pants ...and jacket. | [-4.11146954e-02 1.08854271e-01 6.41532168e-02 -1.55532267e-03
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5,701 | 5,702 | Whats so great about twenty-five year olds? There's 20 of them! (I can't believe this isn't a repost.) | [-4.67013894e-03 3.11684441e-02 5.69777153e-02 4.31792252e-03
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5,702 | 5,703 | Joe Jackson is the first father in history to successfully beat the black out of his son. http://i.imgur.com/AbZiowN.jpg | [-6.45996481e-02 8.02537128e-02 -8.76011848e-02 8.18972960e-02
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5,703 | 5,704 | I just read an article about a man swept out to sea during a baptism. I guess that's God's Way of saying "Nope". | [ 1.16151005e-01 1.08491451e-01 4.24448727e-03 1.39085557e-02
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5,704 | 5,705 | What do you call a black man flying an airplane? a pilot | [ 2.55744793e-02 4.29876372e-02 -1.34438917e-01 8.73962492e-02
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5,707 | 5,708 | Marathon Just won my first marathon. I am experiencing the thrill of victory and the agony of de feet. | [-3.46982405e-02 3.03712040e-02 9.37214121e-02 5.41897677e-03
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5,708 | 5,709 | Only assholes name drop. Bruce Springsteen told me that. | [-2.78824028e-02 -1.76854748e-02 2.19703261e-02 8.00713822e-02
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5,709 | 5,710 | I didn't sleep very good last night... So I put some Monster Energy drink in my coffee this morning. I got halfway to work before before I realised I forgot my car. | [-1.18770273e-02 7.89739490e-02 4.04386632e-02 1.45316973e-01
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5,710 | 5,711 | What's wrong with the phrase "War on Drugs"? Wars end. | [ 2.81341225e-02 3.90025266e-02 2.80456804e-03 -5.20511121e-02
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5,711 | 5,712 | Have you guys heard about the new internet milk? It's for cereal. | [-8.29062685e-02 -9.65138450e-02 5.06024063e-02 1.02672009e-02
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5,712 | 5,713 | Can you tell me what you call a person from Corsica? Course a can. | [-6.35510683e-02 -3.60317295e-03 -9.51724425e-02 -3.69604379e-02
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5,713 | 5,714 | Did you hear about the kleptomaniac who went to the theater the other day? He stole the show! | [-4.17562947e-02 -7.23527977e-03 3.94032896e-02 -4.61416170e-02
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5,714 | 5,715 | It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime. | [-4.21482697e-02 3.50091606e-02 -1.19967414e-02 4.94543761e-02
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5,715 | 5,716 | What are your best corny jokes? I want them all! "What's brown and sticky?" "A stick." | [-6.01407960e-02 -1.12060651e-01 9.75354668e-03 -4.00103675e-03
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5,717 | 5,718 | What is Putin's favorite Justin Timberlake song? Cremia River | [-2.72103008e-02 -2.20245142e-02 5.76815568e-02 -4.69362997e-02
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5,718 | 5,719 | I spend a lot of money at Sephora for someone who's got access to filters | [-1.87066421e-02 -3.67504284e-02 5.59545979e-02 6.09754177e-04
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5,719 | 5,720 | Did you hear about the man who had his right side cut off He's dead. Died from blood loss. Poor guy. On the bright side, his family got what's left of him. | [-3.11954692e-02 3.85392644e-02 6.25320571e-03 4.00069505e-02
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5,720 | 5,721 | If a dog sniffs your ass, you're probably a bitch. | [ 6.07711729e-03 -7.36862719e-02 8.52776989e-02 6.53554648e-02
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5,721 | 5,722 | My dad likes to come to my office & tell the receptionist he's my parole officer in case you were wondering how I turned out like this. | [ 2.70967614e-02 4.28715870e-02 1.33864386e-02 -1.71374809e-02
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5,722 | 5,723 | You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar. Also a rotting corpse will work. Or poop. Lots of ways to attract flies. | [ 2.82993680e-03 1.00523196e-02 2.99102981e-02 -1.46151995e-02
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5,723 | 5,724 | Each of my 4 children has made me a better parent. So I figure I only need 34 more kids to be a pretty decent guy. | [ 7.15630725e-02 -7.78407827e-02 -5.22084627e-03 -1.32703111e-02
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5,724 | 5,725 | If an elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party and a donkey is the symbol of the Democratic Party what is a pig the symbol of? Any party where there's lots of food. | [ 3.38930078e-02 -7.08623743e-03 1.82879064e-02 1.36173414e-02
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5,725 | 5,726 | 100m Dash A girl says to her friend "The last time I had sex was like the 100 meter dash" Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?" "No, with 8 black men and a gun." | [-3.43823358e-02 1.43236667e-01 6.35510730e-03 4.21350636e-02
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5,726 | 5,727 | Check up time. I've just been for my 6 month check up and everything seem to be going well until he slipped his finger in to check my prostate. I will not be using that dental practise again. | [ 4.70012315e-02 -3.29564959e-02 -1.72951762e-02 -1.06344314e-03
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5,727 | 5,728 | What does an Asian with the biggest erection get when he walks into a wall? A broken nose. | [ 4.20119353e-02 8.15989673e-02 2.67617423e-02 7.26310238e-02
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5,728 | 5,729 | My girlfriend called me a pedophile yesterday... ...so I said, "That's a big word for a seven-year-old" | [ 1.34752290e-02 4.16860618e-02 2.90023908e-02 2.58731507e-02
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5,730 | 5,731 | Have you heard about the new Corduroy pillow cases? They have made all the headlines. | [-4.80305143e-02 -5.80632081e-03 4.16283756e-02 -1.45191448e-02
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5,731 | 5,732 | For the last time, I don't have any secret prison camps. Anyone who doesn't believe me will be sent to a secret prison camp. | [-2.39565335e-02 -1.97939146e-02 -3.63188423e-02 3.39275226e-02
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5,732 | 5,733 | You know its my phone if it looks like someone fingerpainted the touch screen in donut glaze. | [-9.61900502e-02 6.91650733e-02 1.22713201e-01 -6.64161593e-02
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5,733 | 5,734 | How can Rihanna tell when Chris Brown's cheating on her? The brand of makeup on his knuckle isn't hers. | [ 1.74807906e-02 -5.57734668e-02 2.19705701e-02 -2.07971912e-02
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5,734 | 5,735 | What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor? The foundation's been laid. | [ 4.70637120e-02 -4.21230644e-02 -1.23850238e-02 1.08760417e-01
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5,735 | 5,736 | What were the political views of the librarian? She wanted open borders. | [ 3.28087471e-02 -7.38242222e-03 -4.51205708e-02 3.63425799e-02
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5,736 | 5,737 | An artist found a way to draw a two-sided figure, but the International Geometry Summit immediately began to furiously contest the new shape... I say, let bi-gons be bi-gons | [ 1.08875586e-02 6.32324219e-02 1.34594748e-02 -2.40322053e-02
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5,737 | 5,738 | I just failed my butcher's exam. Mis-steaks were made. | [-8.64743069e-03 2.43903277e-03 7.78381620e-03 6.29317239e-02
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5,738 | 5,739 | Why was Edward stuck at the Russian airport? Because he was Snowden. | [ 7.29012862e-03 1.90995540e-02 3.59873520e-03 4.72735278e-02
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5,739 | 5,740 | How do you bury a Jew? Dig a really deep hole and throw a penny in it. | [ 5.82244582e-02 1.56300783e-01 2.21737195e-02 2.28515198e-03
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5,740 | 5,741 | All men approve of premarital sex...until they have a daughter. | [ 2.49191877e-02 3.84900230e-03 1.03178890e-02 5.69216199e-02
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5,741 | 5,742 | I feel sorry for my testicles. They can't even hang out without being judged. | [ 9.23111439e-02 5.57801165e-02 -3.83282863e-02 -9.46651399e-03
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5,742 | 5,743 | What's Bill Clinton's favorite Pink Floyd jam? Have a Cigar | [ 1.63886771e-02 1.28106624e-02 -1.24155078e-02 -4.24245838e-03
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5,743 | 5,744 | A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo. | [-1.38156128e-03 9.16571990e-02 4.60230745e-02 6.10350110e-02
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5,744 | 5,745 | If I died & went straight to hell it would probably take me 2 or 3 weeks before I realized I wasn't at work anymore. | [-5.35787549e-03 1.26206400e-02 -3.90280969e-02 1.73952878e-02
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5,745 | 5,746 | What do you get when you cross pickle & deer? Dildo. | [-6.74534515e-02 6.94316812e-03 7.88825005e-02 4.75714393e-02
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5,746 | 5,747 | Two guys walk down the street And one falls through the window | [ 5.56506142e-02 -1.99258551e-02 6.13458380e-02 3.61326002e-02
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5,747 | 5,748 | What do you call a closet full of lesbians? A liquor cabinet. | [ 7.63959512e-02 -5.46490662e-02 -1.13679446e-01 4.80504408e-02
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5,748 | 5,749 | Women know that men are like linoleum . . . If they lay 'em right the first time, they can walk on them for years. | [ 5.50832637e-02 -7.14556053e-02 1.37992995e-02 1.18419245e-01
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5,749 | 5,750 | "Don't dip your pen in company ink." - HR training seminar explaining why I shouldn't sleep with the receptionist...I think. | [-3.79373617e-02 5.32133989e-02 3.67564894e-03 5.07590063e-02
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5,750 | 5,751 | Shoutout to rattlesnakes and condoms... Because I don't fuck with either of them. | [-4.44008000e-02 2.88591441e-02 -6.35444128e-04 -9.26625449e-04
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5,751 | 5,752 | hey girl, are you my mom? cuz i'd like to kill your husband and fuck you | [ 1.49152167e-02 3.37905549e-02 3.60829793e-02 4.69012968e-02
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5,752 | 5,753 | If Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg adopted a child... they could call it Slush Puppy :) | [-9.80106890e-02 -3.74610499e-02 1.93520579e-02 8.71788040e-02
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5,753 | 5,754 | I've been working on my favorite puns... I took ten of the best puns I knew and entered them into a local radio contest, hoping that one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. | [ 2.10611373e-02 -2.30936687e-02 1.10096354e-02 -2.93311942e-02
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5,754 | 5,755 | Why was the cat so small ? Because it only ate condensed milk ! | [ 7.03823715e-02 6.67731091e-02 1.59416087e-02 1.31543323e-01
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5,755 | 5,756 | How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? It's not enough to change the bulb; we have to change the *system*. | [ 6.23678826e-02 -2.23693233e-02 -5.05915619e-02 2.61148326e-02
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5,756 | 5,757 | When I was your age, I was outside all day until dark 15: The batteries on cell phones must have been a lot better back then Me: ......... | [ 3.74633484e-02 8.34093168e-02 1.12313844e-01 3.00936326e-02
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5,757 | 5,758 | A homophobe goes to the doctor to see if he has cancer... He says, "Give it to me straight, Doc." | [ 2.02753469e-02 9.15967822e-02 -2.15057191e-02 5.90372682e-02
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5,760 | 5,761 | If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub, i'm just wondering if you're going to eat all those nachos? | [ 5.80556579e-02 -5.30296974e-02 2.56434660e-02 1.67120770e-02
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5,761 | 5,762 | Why didn't Lebron go to college? he didn't want to show up for the finals | [ 7.65152425e-02 5.92477992e-02 7.75029883e-02 -2.50709280e-02
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5,762 | 5,763 | Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'! | [-1.61220562e-02 3.82057987e-02 -2.79296301e-02 -6.33554719e-03
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5,763 | 5,764 | Why was Jeffrey Dahmer so healthy? Because he ate five fruits a day! | [ 3.05548683e-03 2.62440275e-02 1.78721535e-03 5.96696176e-02
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5,764 | 5,765 | Apple Computer is taking steps to protect user privacy. Their new policy is iWon't tell...iPromise | [-2.91864164e-02 4.13747281e-02 1.22134231e-01 -8.49540755e-02
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5,765 | 5,766 | [First day of dropping kids off at school] *Hugs and crying* [2nd day] "Get out!" | [-4.41398174e-02 1.28604293e-01 1.20180272e-01 5.97893670e-02
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5,766 | 5,767 | Hoot: How the hell can ya be so stupid? Jessie: Well it ain't somethin' yew can pick up overnight. | [-4.81219776e-02 1.46452244e-02 5.15450388e-02 -1.25181368e-02
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5,767 | 5,768 | What did the first ape that could walk say to all the other apes? I'm walkin' here! | [-1.05577759e-01 -1.64748076e-02 4.79825921e-02 9.04574618e-02
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5,768 | 5,769 | My buddy plays golf like a man masturbating in a cold shower No matter how he strokes it's just not going to happen | [ 7.11016282e-02 1.83762028e-03 6.24555238e-02 5.04562519e-02
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5,769 | 5,770 | Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank.... I have no words right now to describe how angry I am. | [ 6.03112243e-02 -6.37256205e-02 -1.24885440e-02 1.28147220e-02
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5,770 | 5,771 | What did the husband tell his wife to do after he slapped her? The same thing he told her the first time! | [-3.19038592e-02 6.09815605e-02 2.60586161e-02 1.20623015e-01
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5,771 | 5,772 | Why did Germany run out of gas? Because they gave it to the Jews I'll be in Argentina for awhile. | [ 4.68498841e-02 1.08943462e-01 1.34101966e-02 4.13695946e-02
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5,772 | 5,773 | A man goes on reddit to read some jokes Only to find out that the same jokes keep appearing on every page! | [-4.65243272e-02 -9.09749120e-02 -1.50723616e-02 4.90267463e-02
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5,773 | 5,774 | Here's a joke for ya. A dyslexic man walks in to a bra. | [ 2.83191130e-02 -5.68636917e-02 1.41594335e-02 5.86868748e-02
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5,774 | 5,775 | My boyfriend said we could only get one cat. So I'm only getting one cat. One pregnant cat. | [ 5.65987565e-02 8.12059548e-03 -6.83979923e-03 3.37224677e-02
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5,775 | 5,776 | When the atm charges you 3.50 to take out your own money but tells you to cover your pin so you don't get robbed | [ 3.16000059e-02 4.49364334e-02 -3.23277749e-02 7.30623631e-03
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5,776 | 5,777 | Will Will Smith Smith? Yes... Will Smith will smith | [-1.64393466e-02 5.55541553e-02 -2.87936274e-02 -4.22148444e-02
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5,777 | 5,778 | What did the Indian man name his sandwich shop? New Delhi :D | [-6.59004450e-02 5.23437485e-02 -3.70350853e-02 -2.98690386e-02
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5,778 | 5,779 | It turns out if you cry at the DMV they'll let you take a second photo | [-2.68469714e-02 1.15389936e-03 9.47641656e-02 2.06719730e-02
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5,779 | 5,780 | Typos... that's just how I role. | [ 5.04268035e-02 -1.71978679e-02 7.78894722e-02 3.41269225e-02
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5,780 | 5,781 | Two people who really hate each other can suddenly really like each other if they can find someone else they can both really hate together. | [-7.95351937e-02 -7.21249208e-02 4.62992070e-03 2.90133283e-02
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5,781 | 5,782 | Why was Stalin literally worse than Hitler? Because Hitler at least wrote his own books | [-1.14078590e-04 2.41453983e-02 -5.76186553e-02 6.35270923e-02
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5,782 | 5,783 | Listen up: I wear the pants in this family. They're a lovely taffeta with a subtle flare to draw attention to my lace-up sandals. | [-4.41615768e-02 -1.16932916e-03 1.69202536e-02 -9.93889850e-03
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5,783 | 5,784 | I wonder who Rose is going to kill in Titanic II. | [-4.40259576e-02 -4.25403267e-02 3.46639901e-02 5.47914989e-02
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5,784 | 5,785 | What's the most popular pub in the Middle East? The Allahu ak-Bar | [ 1.04663879e-01 1.18544232e-02 -2.59829108e-02 -1.65374018e-02
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5,785 | 5,786 | My girlfriend told me that it was either her or my Meatloaf discography. I told her I would do anything for love, but I can't do that. | [-5.51566221e-02 -2.73841042e-02 5.47832213e-02 1.56671535e-02
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5,786 | 5,787 | What do you call tea made by a stoned marsupial? High koala tea | [-5.74967377e-02 1.83936320e-02 -6.18325360e-02 1.24847526e-02
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5,787 | 5,788 | What do Caitlyn Jenner and WWII have in common? The Battle of the Bulge. | [-4.51362282e-02 4.48333146e-03 -2.48747878e-02 4.17782404e-02
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5,788 | 5,789 | What do pigs do on nice afternoons? They go on pignics. | [ 6.54410049e-02 4.96606976e-02 8.60019922e-02 7.72450641e-02
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5,789 | 5,790 | Why does Vincent van Gogh always look forward to thenew year? Because everyone wishes him a new ear. | [ 4.95977663e-02 2.82574203e-02 8.18324462e-02 -2.53230184e-02
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5,790 | 5,791 | I'll put a comma, after a comma, even if it doesn't need a comma, to completely, drive you, insane. | [ 9.57007483e-02 4.19650674e-02 1.75294708e-02 -6.24937005e-02
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5,791 | 5,792 | Q: Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking? A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home? | [ 1.11332238e-01 6.42027259e-02 1.71764009e-02 9.05326474e-03
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5,792 | 5,793 | I read in the local paper someone was going around pickpocketing midgets. I never thought someone could stoop so low. | [ 4.26559360e-04 7.06338733e-02 -4.02696384e-03 3.33356373e-02
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5,793 | 5,794 | For computer geeks. Less isn't more, less is more. | [ 6.71986565e-02 4.65371236e-02 1.86634529e-02 -6.66141808e-02
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5,794 | 5,795 | The angry moment when you plug your charger into your phone but you realize hours later your charger wasn't plugged in. | [-5.38126938e-02 9.76185203e-02 1.59743484e-02 1.04914449e-01
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5,795 | 5,796 | What do you call a rich South American? A Brazilianaire! | [ 4.49190065e-02 -5.31567261e-02 -1.10621259e-01 3.16030495e-02
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5,796 | 5,797 | If I had to choose one word that encapsulates me, I'd say skin. | [ 2.62664147e-02 6.63539581e-03 2.45403387e-02 7.50245452e-02
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5,797 | 5,798 | What do you say to a pregnant woman who wants to force her child to become a Rabbi? When is the baby Jew? | [ 1.47902779e-03 1.01556920e-01 -1.03238776e-01 3.89043316e-02
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5,798 | 5,799 | I'm 72 minutes in trying to reverse whatever my 3 y/o nephew did in one second to the TV remote. | [ 5.94163388e-02 -4.12864436e-04 3.83991227e-02 -5.17956689e-02
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5,799 | 5,800 | I called my Colectomy surgeon's office... To check on my appointment. A man with a Russian accent answered the phone saying, "Thank you for colon." | [ 6.39842963e-03 2.53639314e-02 7.93946162e-03 3.12004760e-02
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3.29515934e-02 1.01832198e-02 -9.16922539e-02 -5.35066798e-02] |
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