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5,600 | 5,601 | What is the difference between Donald Trump's hair and a Headcrab? Nothing. | [ 3.75443585e-02 5.30955680e-02 2.76253466e-02 -6.01660013e-02
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5,601 | 5,602 | When you're alone in your room, start doing karate so ghosts know what's up. | [ 4.30735163e-02 -1.01012150e-02 1.93521322e-03 4.04324532e-02
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5,602 | 5,603 | U once broke ur toe? I once broke my foot. U had a baby? I had 2 babies. U have a bad back? I have a bad front. I can do this all day, btw. | [-5.76915443e-02 -5.85556328e-02 2.64549181e-02 5.21147847e-02
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5,603 | 5,604 | i know i'm getting old because i'm grumpy, i sleep early, and the devil appears with an empty hourglass whenever i shut my medicine cabinet | [ 4.11158651e-02 2.21780948e-02 3.33569460e-02 3.13075595e-02
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5,604 | 5,605 | What do you say if your mom sees you having sex? You say: Look mom, no hands! | [-2.62553506e-02 4.16297726e-02 -2.92446744e-02 2.14909874e-02
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5,605 | 5,606 | What do you do if attacked by a clan of clowns? Go for the juggler | [-2.25743186e-03 7.56631419e-02 -3.87143344e-02 -4.77237739e-02
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5,606 | 5,607 | I was gonna tell you guys a gay joke... ...butt fuck it | [ 1.58178415e-02 -2.57557612e-02 -1.75618753e-03 5.43056568e-03
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5,607 | 5,608 | Why can't Iron Man stay in a steady relationship? He has rust issues. | [ 5.43976482e-03 -1.33946938e-02 1.16160661e-02 1.24245338e-01
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5,608 | 5,609 | What do you have left after you burn a French alphabet? H Edit: I don't like explaining jokes but since the first guy didn't get I might as well: When pronounced in a French accent it sounds like ash. | [-1.11895083e-02 1.67937595e-02 5.43639585e-02 -1.28601380e-02
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5,609 | 5,610 | Her: What veggies are the kids having with dinner? Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes... | [-4.84372824e-02 3.03079635e-02 2.62224544e-02 5.11131659e-02
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5,610 | 5,611 | How many American cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb? Two. One to arrest the room for being black, and the other to arrest the bulb for being broke. | [ 2.40105707e-02 -6.31181896e-03 4.62528691e-02 2.82233171e-02
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5,611 | 5,612 | Totally Original Roses are Red Violets are Blue Some Poems Rhyme This one doesn't | [-4.81528305e-02 -9.71439555e-02 9.88630727e-02 -2.95077376e-02
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5,612 | 5,613 | A Nerd joke.. A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light." | [-3.63640115e-02 -3.58565897e-02 1.97646562e-02 1.05977178e-01
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5,613 | 5,614 | sapnu puaS Read it upside down | [ 3.73393088e-03 2.04002056e-02 -8.19602534e-02 1.33684725e-02
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5,614 | 5,615 | In a perfect world a "Party Pooper" would be someone who could shoot confetti out of their butt. | [-1.92344505e-02 -9.61454492e-03 1.49187054e-02 -1.49145443e-03
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5,615 | 5,616 | Knock, Knock... Who's there? Peas. Peas who? *Peas pass the butter* | [ 1.31028080e-02 -4.53637866e-03 4.11135070e-02 -3.80426645e-02
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5,616 | 5,617 | There was an old lady at a ATM today, she asked me if I could help check her balance. So I pushed her over. | [-6.77720411e-03 5.19927889e-02 -3.11053861e-02 4.00352925e-02
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5,617 | 5,618 | What kind of juice does hitler drink? Concentrated juice. | [ 2.50479318e-02 7.88019598e-03 -5.63707426e-02 4.43747975e-02
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5,618 | 5,619 | Never feel worthless! Your organs are worth thousands. | [ 3.64716686e-02 4.93098013e-02 -2.62927040e-02 2.59273797e-02
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5,619 | 5,620 | Please Choose a Sears Portrait Background: 1. Autumn Leaves 2. Toenail Fungal Infection 3. Country Cabin 4. Alarmed Possum | [-5.05625829e-03 2.95627434e-02 1.29950757e-03 -2.25013830e-02
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5,620 | 5,621 | The photo technician got caught masterbating to people's photos They charged him with "indecent exposure" | [-4.92359512e-02 9.01893973e-02 2.37104185e-02 2.61493996e-02
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5,621 | 5,622 | There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Grunge Barbie ...with flannel shirt and a goatee | [ 3.84405516e-02 -4.32049111e-02 2.40747239e-02 -2.11184323e-02
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5,622 | 5,623 | Luigi: You got your own land, world & galaxy. Can I have Mario Mansion? Mario: ok fine [under breath] gonna put a bunch of ghosts in it tho | [ 3.60862836e-02 2.29139198e-02 3.14387195e-02 -3.77370864e-02
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5,623 | 5,624 | I was going down on my grandmother the other day... When I tasted horse semen, and I thought "huh, that must be how she died." | [-1.34174908e-02 -1.72999054e-02 6.08300231e-02 4.11359295e-02
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5,624 | 5,625 | All i'm saying is, before Back to the Future 3, he was fine. | [ 6.89260587e-02 -1.10544097e-02 -2.74641234e-02 -2.18067262e-02
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5,625 | 5,626 | a horse walks into a bar A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face"? The horse says, "I have cancer". | [-4.42702696e-02 1.64291188e-02 1.81324258e-02 4.06194590e-02
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5,626 | 5,627 | A man goes to a $3 hooker He contracted crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $3, a lobster?" | [-3.99556942e-02 5.54248020e-02 -4.04783487e-02 1.64096467e-02
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5,627 | 5,628 | What's worse than a lobster on your piano? Crabs on your organ! | [ 2.29959805e-02 2.13452019e-02 2.84412336e-02 -3.83886062e-02
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5,628 | 5,629 | chocolate just tastes better when you pretend a fat German kid drowned in it | [ 3.97949293e-02 -3.49854305e-03 8.44014585e-02 9.66179445e-02
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5,629 | 5,630 | no matter what the government says no one can stop you from eating the bugs you find in your garden | [ 3.03925704e-02 6.89214393e-02 2.05766428e-02 -4.10539620e-02
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5,630 | 5,631 | What's worse than a lobster on your piano? Crabs on your organ. | [ 3.49630788e-02 2.03833804e-02 3.63214500e-02 -3.85906659e-02
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5,632 | 5,633 | Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later. | [-6.46131812e-03 5.31600006e-02 -2.02790964e-02 -2.01532561e-02
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5,633 | 5,634 | Yeah, I knew Shakespeare in college. Typical neck bard. | [ 5.27856760e-02 3.67582217e-03 1.19567551e-02 -3.69297341e-02
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5,634 | 5,635 | I don't always date people with... I don't always date people with chromosomes... But when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. | [-1.42825823e-02 1.78113766e-02 5.45973592e-02 -1.58944372e-02
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5,635 | 5,636 | I told a friend of mine that me and other friends were talking about him behind his back. He told me, "You disgust me." And I said, "Yes. Yes we did." | [ 2.86944099e-02 8.91045481e-02 1.61949568e-03 2.34135296e-02
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5,636 | 5,637 | What does a tight-rope walker eat for breakfast? A Balanced Diet! | [-7.41311684e-02 8.55729207e-02 7.78331188e-03 7.84510523e-02
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5,637 | 5,638 | What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person. | [ 2.07381267e-02 6.77796453e-02 -9.33022350e-02 6.66405726e-03
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5,638 | 5,639 | Me trying to impress a girl Girl: I'm Into horror movies Me: My dad's a serial killer | [ 1.05058420e-02 -2.78479848e-02 -1.41186244e-03 4.01059585e-03
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5,639 | 5,640 | No matter if you are American or European 9/11 is a sad date | [ 5.75088114e-02 3.78605984e-02 7.28305355e-02 1.97816268e-02
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5,640 | 5,641 | I went for my prostate examination this morning.After inserting a finger into my arse and having a good feel around, the doctor looked at me and said, "that should be my finger, not yours" | [-2.42335461e-02 3.57463323e-02 -2.06779484e-02 -7.03500211e-03
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5,641 | 5,642 | Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: *panics* do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain | [-4.07428145e-02 2.23043710e-02 4.38855216e-02 4.43464182e-02
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5,642 | 5,643 | My doctor just told me I'm suffering from paranoia. Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what he was thinking. | [ 7.88620785e-02 -3.01155802e-02 -6.92971749e-03 3.74991223e-02
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5,643 | 5,644 | Making Asian food is easy... It's a WOK in the park | [ 2.41527730e-03 1.10492878e-01 4.52509299e-02 5.78409843e-02
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5,644 | 5,645 | Wearing 'EarPods' is my favorite way of making the rest of the world believe my verbal outbursts are part of a heated phone conversation. | [-1.32902348e-02 3.39163244e-02 1.16516896e-01 -1.99102163e-02
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5,645 | 5,646 | Boss confused me with another employee and fired me. Then called two days later to fire me for not showing up for 2 days. #HowIGotFired | [-5.76590048e-03 4.71526720e-02 3.85984890e-02 4.82497104e-02
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5,646 | 5,647 | If short people smoke weed... If short people smoke weed, do they get high or medium. | [ 1.13149539e-01 3.50235328e-02 -1.44143486e-02 1.27856284e-02
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5,647 | 5,648 | Her: Do you kik? Me: Like rocks? Her: ....... | [-3.79228890e-02 5.19894920e-02 1.01135679e-01 2.78695859e-03
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5,648 | 5,649 | Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe? More doors. | [-8.94995034e-03 4.12270240e-02 3.14017162e-02 4.82761301e-02
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5,649 | 5,650 | A dog owner tells his dog.. Owner: "Who's a good boy?" Doggo: "Did you just assume my gender?!" | [-5.61281666e-02 4.35240008e-02 3.82991508e-02 6.58770651e-02
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5,650 | 5,651 | What do you call a skank playing "H.O.R.S.E?" She missed two shots, so she's a ho. I'll leave now. | [ 3.90505493e-02 1.53946818e-03 4.76519624e-03 -1.50504615e-02
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5,651 | 5,652 | I doubt Vodka is the answer, but it's worth a shot | [-8.78879130e-02 -1.22925406e-02 -6.81054071e-02 4.47212532e-02
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5,652 | 5,653 | They demolished my local Domino's Pizza shop... yesterday, and then all the other shops on the street fell down. | [ 1.28421737e-02 8.00522417e-02 9.22968909e-02 3.05820331e-02
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5,653 | 5,654 | Every time I cook risotto I feel like Gordon Ramsey is going to walk in and scream at me. | [-1.50551484e-03 -2.10529380e-02 3.44846137e-02 2.33838428e-02
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5,655 | 5,656 | What do you call a Chameleon that cant change colors? A reptile dysfunction... | [-1.78890713e-02 3.72846872e-02 1.01717850e-02 5.50533272e-02
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5,656 | 5,657 | I think it's about time Taylor Swift wrote a song and called it "Maybe I am The Problem". | [-2.26283912e-02 -4.84544300e-02 2.15441342e-02 6.46247268e-02
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5,657 | 5,658 | me as a realtor: This house does include a crawl space. It's probably full of bones already, but you can always add more bones yourself. | [-3.12949158e-02 -4.59222570e-02 5.59771806e-02 2.37227790e-02
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5,658 | 5,659 | Chemistry, ok. But soulmates? You'd think if our spirits were perfectly matched, they'd be comfortable at the same thermostat setting. | [ 4.62650554e-04 5.74475713e-02 -2.98586395e-02 6.93943501e-02
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5,659 | 5,660 | My friend is always looking for trouble... Which is good because he's a cop. | [ 9.58702434e-03 1.87469572e-02 -2.70605553e-02 6.86524948e-03
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5,660 | 5,661 | Pokemon GO is trying to fix its servers... It's not very effective. | [-2.73335632e-02 -1.20266443e-02 8.09729248e-02 -6.55053183e-02
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5,661 | 5,662 | Where did the general put his armies? In his sleevies. | [-1.25374841e-02 5.00716679e-02 -1.07717859e-02 3.86335095e-03
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5,662 | 5,663 | Why can't you tell Walter White a knock knock joke? Because he is the one who knocks. | [ 1.46933189e-02 2.74828561e-02 3.81714702e-02 6.64256439e-02
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5,663 | 5,664 | Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps? All his comebacks take three days.. | [ 4.56012934e-02 1.85475294e-02 1.69436038e-02 -3.13123055e-02
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5,664 | 5,665 | A blind man walks into a bar, and a chair, a table, and a human. | [-6.54897280e-03 -5.87763004e-02 -4.80910093e-02 2.10359804e-02
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5,665 | 5,666 | A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who crunch their disposable water bottles as they drink. | [-6.81659505e-02 -1.98261514e-02 2.11391132e-02 -1.58039369e-02
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5,666 | 5,667 | Whats the difference between Usain bolt and Hitler? Usain bolt can finish a race. Edit: Grammar | [ 4.80304658e-03 5.20325787e-02 -8.67170542e-02 3.70705836e-02
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5,667 | 5,668 | *Closes refrigerator door and hears contents inside fall* Well... sounds like a problem for the next person. | [ 2.96604075e-03 2.78163031e-02 1.97912082e-02 2.42368951e-02
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5,668 | 5,669 | Did you hear about the broken watch from the 1800's? It was a timeless classic. | [-9.44307446e-02 7.11100642e-03 4.08199802e-02 -4.49907826e-03
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5,669 | 5,670 | On his first day, my gay friend lost his job at the sperm bank. He was caught drinking on the job. | [-2.13342216e-02 1.19240597e-01 -1.33021697e-02 1.09073427e-02
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5,670 | 5,671 | You say "tomato," I say "tomato," and there, we've written our own wedding vows | [-6.46923482e-02 9.00682621e-03 4.67623435e-02 -1.18344314e-02
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5,671 | 5,672 | There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator Only a fraction of people will get this. | [ 3.21859457e-02 1.06312009e-02 -1.53888036e-02 4.93190624e-02
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5,672 | 5,673 | Big bad wolf says to LittleRedRidingHood: Ho-ho-ho - I'm going to eat you all up! LittleRedRidingHood says: "Eat, eat, eat. Doesn't anyone wanna fuck anymore?" | [ 5.98879941e-02 7.00296536e-02 3.87340076e-02 8.67712945e-02
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5,673 | 5,674 | ducks love bread but aparently bread is bad for ducks, so dont feed ducks bread, but love ducks even more bc theyre self-destructive like us | [ 6.37428537e-02 1.93751119e-02 -7.85170775e-03 -2.40389520e-04
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5,674 | 5,675 | BAlls and Pen*s are best friends Balls to penis: why the fcuk you leave me when u see a hole or 2 mountains? Penis: coz thats the only time i really need you | [ 1.44119505e-02 8.19574762e-03 9.78481025e-02 6.15516417e-02
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5,675 | 5,676 | I started observing extremists Wanted to find out what made them tick... tock... boom | [ 6.38493896e-02 -4.22188006e-02 -9.36751440e-02 1.11969553e-01
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5,676 | 5,677 | Q: What's big, red, and eats rocks? A: A big red rock eater. | [ 2.81677563e-02 3.35820876e-02 2.36030705e-02 9.55369174e-02
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5,677 | 5,678 | How is a Bill Cosby better than Ronda Rousey? He's never met a woman he hasn't knocked out. | [ 1.05499752e-01 1.91366684e-03 -7.49762803e-02 -7.83194602e-03
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5,678 | 5,679 | "No. No birthdays, Christmas or modern medicine.. But you sure do make great friends going door-to-door" *Door slams - Jehova's Witnesses | [-3.18785757e-02 1.90581307e-01 2.34726463e-02 1.09263137e-02
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5,679 | 5,680 | I don't mean to be a party pooper but... where's your bathroom? | [ 6.47462085e-02 2.32022046e-03 3.99384722e-02 -1.58377104e-02
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5,680 | 5,681 | I used to feel tired and sluggish. nothing could get me out of the house. then i tried MethTM and boy did i burn my house down | [ 5.31192049e-02 2.32182923e-04 7.93967117e-03 1.06713407e-01
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5,681 | 5,682 | [Different version] How to be insulting Never mind, you wouldn't get it | [-1.17058419e-02 6.55761063e-02 7.46846423e-02 -4.04111668e-02
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5,682 | 5,683 | - Are you sure? -defenet... difini... difine... YES IM SURE! | [-6.33381009e-02 1.04576172e-02 6.49504364e-02 -1.40473936e-02
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5,683 | 5,684 | [Interview] "Tell me your weaknesses" Me: Well, I.. *wife busts in* He's a mouth breather, leaves the toilet seat up, forgets to take out th | [-2.69837566e-02 1.17059961e-01 2.05075778e-02 4.31736149e-02
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5,684 | 5,685 | What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? I take my shoes off to jump on a trampoline. | [ 7.67656462e-03 -8.77817944e-02 -4.92283888e-02 4.88218553e-02
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5,685 | 5,686 | What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween? Happy halloweenie | [-6.28422722e-02 1.00461125e-01 -5.55731058e-02 7.17411116e-02
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5,686 | 5,687 | A man is in a car wreck and is rushed to the ER. When he wakes up he tells the doctor: "I can't feel my legs!!!" The doctor replies: "I know, I cut your arms off." | [-5.85126244e-02 4.06292230e-02 -4.98086819e-03 2.21723635e-02
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5,687 | 5,688 | If you walk up to me with a plate of food and say "Matt?" My name will always be Matt. | [-7.44453818e-02 -1.50840376e-02 5.01367599e-02 -6.58318773e-02
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5,688 | 5,689 | Didn't u hate it when as a kid u got the "mystery flavor" lollipop & the mystery ended up being that your parents got divorced (Or lemon)? | [-6.08397722e-02 3.65551072e-03 9.69697461e-02 1.47877680e-02
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5,689 | 5,690 | Irony is lost on kleptomaniacs because they take everything literally. | [ 6.91941194e-03 -2.74887420e-02 4.53048348e-02 -2.22013555e-02
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5,690 | 5,691 | Someone once told me that nothing rhymes with orange ... I said, "no it doesn't...." | [ 6.89395741e-02 -4.81004007e-02 -1.10856285e-02 3.96580920e-02
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5,691 | 5,692 | I hadn't seen it in a while, but at a concert last night I saw someone using a disposable camera... It gave me a flashback | [-7.06279948e-02 5.77056147e-02 1.26912631e-02 -9.80020966e-03
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5,692 | 5,693 | How come Greek salad doesn't have any lettuce? Austerity. | [ 3.67458202e-02 -5.35295121e-02 4.68872022e-03 -7.09307054e-03
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5,693 | 5,694 | Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza. | [-1.47572458e-02 -6.60945708e-03 2.58114617e-02 5.65415174e-02
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5,694 | 5,695 | There's a new terrorist group targeting gorillas It's called Boko Harambe | [-7.97026306e-02 -5.15822992e-02 -1.79505311e-02 5.72539829e-02
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5,695 | 5,696 | Justin Bieber was "Baptized" last night.... Or as the church likes to call it... "A failed attempt to drown Bieber" | [ 8.39698017e-02 6.70188516e-02 1.35053188e-01 -3.28087881e-02
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5,696 | 5,697 | Thinking of getting another bed just for all my laundry | [-1.91451125e-02 -1.48769468e-02 2.36423332e-02 1.33826146e-02
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5,697 | 5,698 | I wear glasses during math, Because it improves division. | [ 6.48705382e-03 -4.01412416e-03 -1.49043994e-02 -4.20551002e-02
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5,698 | 5,699 | I saw a train today... It seemed really angry. | [ 9.87403840e-03 -6.07837597e-03 2.61314772e-02 1.25671253e-01
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5,699 | 5,700 | Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile | [ 2.19196398e-02 2.32592430e-02 3.04315910e-02 1.21147976e-04
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1.30090043e-02 3.47636566e-02 -5.77028394e-02 1.74650699e-02
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3.93029973e-02 1.00031003e-01 4.65463102e-02 -1.14405593e-02
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1.03439381e-02 1.26961274e-02 -7.18382075e-02 1.10122658e-01
7.20233703e-03 1.57931782e-02 5.87688871e-02 5.80226891e-02
4.35835756e-02 -1.18725849e-02 9.26872417e-02 1.11322977e-01
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-9.08629782e-03 1.27549644e-03 7.60508627e-02 1.39496435e-04
2.44482253e-02 9.71063599e-02 1.53782785e-05 -2.33261604e-02
2.78578959e-02 4.82823998e-02 -7.87964314e-02 1.25627629e-02] |
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