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5,400 | 5,401 | Did you hear about the starving horse? He was so hungry, he ate himself | [ 1.48059763e-02 6.17657490e-02 5.81480190e-03 9.87976566e-02
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5,401 | 5,402 | If you're having a weird pain today remember, tons of people die from that stuff all the time. | [ 2.42536236e-02 -3.35067250e-02 7.37502947e-02 1.04394399e-01
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5,402 | 5,403 | What do you call a cow that just gave birth? Decaffeinated | [-5.52986190e-02 -2.46810745e-02 -2.91528758e-02 5.72469011e-02
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5,403 | 5,404 | If there's two things I hate, it's racist people and niggers. | [-3.12664844e-02 1.47521812e-02 1.40476227e-02 2.47411598e-02
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5,404 | 5,405 | just ordered so much food the delivery guy gave me four sets of utensils but it's okay I still love myself | [ 2.82980464e-02 2.65969336e-03 6.73912615e-02 2.08333842e-02
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5,405 | 5,406 | Why did the narcissist with multiple personalities and a propensity for domestic violence only have one black eye? Because she didn't need to re-beat himself. | [ 3.47416699e-02 -2.52652951e-02 4.13331995e-03 1.10817321e-01
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5,406 | 5,407 | What is the Italian postal motto? We know where **you** live, your family too! | [-1.14502013e-02 8.70523676e-02 3.59688257e-03 2.92432364e-02
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5,407 | 5,408 | A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately she's had a lot of problems with squatters. | [ 1.84615366e-02 2.20528953e-02 1.13660827e-01 -1.20570986e-02
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5,408 | 5,409 | What's a Ninja Turtle's favorite equation? A radical equation. | [-9.12703499e-02 8.19256455e-02 -3.74502242e-02 1.22314289e-01
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5,409 | 5,410 | What do you do if an Elephant breaks his big toe? Call a big toe truck. | [-2.46408358e-02 4.64310944e-02 7.76207149e-02 3.37994844e-03
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5,410 | 5,411 | Yo mama is so ugly that she gave Freddy Krueger nightmares. | [-1.25209019e-02 -2.71427119e-03 -1.83922276e-02 9.15933549e-02
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5,411 | 5,412 | Did yo hear about the Hillary special at KFC? Two fat thighs and a left wing for $2.99 | [ 4.99266051e-02 -2.89226305e-02 3.42825986e-02 7.97911882e-02
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5,412 | 5,413 | Shout out to Mother Earth! She's 4.6 billion years old and still getting hotter. | [ 4.63319682e-02 5.02978743e-04 5.22717237e-02 5.68487905e-02
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5,413 | 5,414 | Why couldn't the taxidermist finish anything he started? Because he kept getting side tracked by pet projects | [ 3.34239006e-02 2.49842834e-02 3.60490419e-02 1.65004469e-02
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5,414 | 5,415 | How do ants hide from aardvarks? They disguise themselves as uncles! | [-6.25891611e-02 9.08204988e-02 -3.53421755e-02 1.41753182e-02
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5,415 | 5,416 | I thought for my whole life that air was free... ...then I bought a bag of chips. | [-2.67474148e-02 2.35498790e-02 1.55868847e-02 8.37737769e-02
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5,416 | 5,417 | Tried to inhale a pot seed to see if I could grow a pot plant in my lungs. Swallowed it instead and got a pot belly. | [ 5.03773578e-02 9.06636044e-02 1.27785290e-02 2.30064671e-02
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5,417 | 5,418 | An ostrich commits grand heresy against the empire. He is promptly ostrichized. No? ok. | [ 1.15411140e-01 7.23558143e-02 1.21834725e-02 4.11799327e-02
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5,418 | 5,419 | What did the god of lightning say after working out for the first time? I'm Thor | [-5.89196151e-03 8.01591128e-02 1.19486731e-02 7.68395066e-02
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5,419 | 5,420 | What does a pig put on his cut? Oinkment | [ 4.78157289e-02 5.75972609e-02 6.96382858e-03 1.14408117e-02
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5,420 | 5,421 | I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter. | [ 4.99449335e-02 2.25938944e-04 7.13246539e-02 5.50603680e-03
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5,421 | 5,422 | They say men are 3 times as likely to be struck by lightning than women Because lighting is 1/3 as likely to strike in the kitchen | [ 6.04357012e-02 -4.93687801e-02 2.51061469e-02 1.09171160e-01
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5,422 | 5,423 | I'm hung like a baby boy. About 20 inches long, 14 inches around, weighs about 9 pounds. | [ 5.04400507e-02 2.65723504e-02 5.17413905e-03 5.75728714e-02
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5,423 | 5,424 | [first day as a masseuse] Me: [closing book] "...& they all lived happily ever after" Customer: "That's not what I meant by 'happy ending'" | [-9.01771151e-03 7.29469955e-02 6.07523769e-02 8.56951103e-02
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5,424 | 5,425 | My kids are really competing for least favorite today. | [-1.81567054e-02 6.74398914e-02 5.78145906e-02 -4.04900685e-02
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5,425 | 5,426 | I saw that you "liked" my status. You want me, don't you? | [-4.84776236e-02 8.73093214e-03 3.98660898e-02 -6.26743305e-03
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5,426 | 5,427 | How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it. | [-5.70793562e-02 7.48328418e-02 -6.40933635e-03 -2.01777648e-02
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5,427 | 5,428 | Why do people say "Be there or be square"? Because if you're not there, then you're not around. | [ 1.32247806e-01 -4.42552492e-02 6.57715742e-03 6.49003088e-02
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5,428 | 5,429 | The George Dubya Bush Presidential Library burned down... All three books were destroyed. Two of em hadn't even been coloured in yet. | [ 2.71095205e-02 5.05858511e-02 5.14777675e-02 1.38161937e-02
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5,429 | 5,430 | Rhinos are really just old, fat unicorns. Don't argue. U know i'm right. | [ 7.32596815e-02 3.21650319e-02 5.08905686e-02 9.38574970e-02
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5,430 | 5,431 | I have 2 donuts: a secular one and a religious one. The secular one is solid. The religious one is holey. | [ 2.36299392e-02 4.60904352e-02 3.73047255e-02 3.08011081e-02
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5,431 | 5,432 | I'm just a girl sitting here wondering which outfit I own goes best with bad decisions... | [-3.71358655e-02 3.52815054e-02 4.43911962e-02 1.99015662e-02
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5,432 | 5,433 | Please help, my email isn't twerking.. I think there is something cyrusly wrong. | [ 2.51587499e-02 -1.05402693e-01 6.09363876e-02 -5.26417159e-02
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5,433 | 5,434 | What does a racist baker exclaim? white flour! | [-2.30066814e-02 1.02973789e-01 -5.12377769e-02 5.70908003e-02
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5,434 | 5,435 | Why did the blind lady fall into the well? Because she couldn't see that well. | [-8.38462450e-03 3.12434100e-02 6.85881451e-02 1.27091467e-01
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5,435 | 5,436 | I didn't post that copyright notice thing on my Facebook and I've already seen SIX of MY photos of me with my casseroles in BMW commercials | [-4.90251407e-02 4.15612422e-02 -4.92973253e-02 -1.95857774e-05
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5,436 | 5,437 | How many feminists does it take to change a light-bulb? THAT'S NOT FUNNY! | [ 7.92312920e-02 -5.15141226e-02 -4.83448207e-02 6.19275905e-02
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5,437 | 5,438 | If we're strictly talking body count, then I'm a morning person. | [ 5.08566871e-02 6.40898421e-02 6.15225770e-02 9.12335664e-02
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5,438 | 5,439 | What is a time travelling vacuum cleaner called? Dr Whoover | [-6.76706135e-02 3.72057706e-02 3.15349586e-02 1.96927767e-02
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5,439 | 5,440 | Relax,,, We're all crazy.. It's not a competition. | [ 9.04160887e-02 -3.33710536e-02 -3.83898197e-03 -9.26430672e-02
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5,440 | 5,441 | You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. | [-6.98500173e-03 -1.27038332e-02 -2.41423734e-02 7.09476247e-02
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5,441 | 5,442 | Parenting 101 1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don't admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening. | [ 3.21907550e-02 4.39740419e-02 2.33492795e-02 5.07977419e-02
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5,442 | 5,443 | What does a Mexican duck say? Guac Guac | [-4.93596643e-02 1.84464094e-03 -5.26640043e-02 2.48959679e-02
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5,443 | 5,444 | I only have a beard so I can scratch it while I judge. | [ 3.88582125e-02 5.52295819e-02 1.14156306e-02 -4.28441688e-02
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5,444 | 5,445 | Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad to be alive? I just did and I won't be allowed on this airline again | [ 6.74765930e-02 5.55200689e-02 1.25612067e-02 -2.99531058e-03
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5,445 | 5,446 | I have a friend named "Chris Hoffman" I asked him to name his son Jack. | [-9.74878371e-02 1.45965731e-02 -3.98323350e-02 -5.09796739e-02
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5,446 | 5,447 | I miss my dog so much since he died, I just paid a homeless guy to come over and take a shit on my kitchen floor and then eat it. | [ 3.30591612e-02 2.37747058e-02 8.57832432e-02 5.80451004e-02
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5,447 | 5,448 | What does a sheep, a drum, and a snake all say when falling off of a cliff? Baa-Dum-Sss | [-8.85944348e-03 1.65212359e-02 2.57036602e-03 4.91987094e-02
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5,448 | 5,449 | Reddit will end with not a bang, but a Pao. | [-6.41526952e-02 -4.64513078e-02 7.94788916e-03 2.35665543e-03
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5,449 | 5,450 | So Nicolas Cage and John Travolta walk into a bar and the bartender says "hey, why the wrong face?" | [-6.59467429e-02 -6.73773990e-04 7.34953955e-03 5.35793379e-02
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5,450 | 5,451 | How do telegraph operators apologize? Remorse code | [-2.20421944e-02 5.35708554e-02 9.64497775e-02 5.01852296e-02
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5,451 | 5,452 | The teacher asked Jimmy "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'" | [-8.76483768e-02 4.10493687e-02 1.87235996e-02 2.15971004e-02
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5,452 | 5,453 | What You're Saying with Your Drink Choice Lol | [ 8.17148089e-02 -5.26097082e-02 -9.20539629e-03 2.83122472e-02
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5,453 | 5,454 | At the risk of offending my fans, I finally bought an air conditioner | [-6.26572128e-03 1.92062594e-02 3.01918723e-02 4.65476178e-02
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5,454 | 5,455 | The best pickup line I have a weapon in my pants. It's so strong it could destroy Uranus. | [-9.75329280e-02 4.60009463e-02 5.58959432e-02 1.08260696e-03
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5,455 | 5,456 | Ebola has been in the US for 1 day and people are already wearing masks. AIDS has been here for 55 years and fools still don't use a condom | [ 2.60874070e-02 4.83196080e-02 6.04841448e-02 -1.78923048e-02
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5,456 | 5,457 | You're spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked? No they've always been blue! | [ 1.12095643e-02 -5.18716872e-02 6.94557130e-02 -9.63190687e-04
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5,457 | 5,458 | There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a trinary joke. | [ 2.42810175e-02 -8.19369629e-02 -2.77172122e-02 -2.72568949e-02
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5,458 | 5,459 | How do animals cross the ocean? On a Gir-raft. | [-2.94805467e-02 -7.82927405e-03 -1.50164384e-02 1.93708371e-02
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5,459 | 5,460 | I had a really good joke... but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime | [-8.80318582e-02 5.45065068e-02 5.49912415e-02 2.24108249e-02
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5,460 | 5,461 | The amount of time you spend cleaning your house before a friend comes over is inversely proportional to the quality of that friendship. | [ 1.29945735e-02 1.30647449e-02 1.47386968e-01 -8.10337905e-03
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5,461 | 5,462 | How did the butcher introduce his wife? Meet Patty! | [-4.73303758e-02 -7.54376268e-03 -1.49185555e-02 4.80968133e-02
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5,462 | 5,463 | So I got a piece of ass this morning... my finger slipped through the paper. | [-8.35251883e-02 4.67911176e-02 4.77038976e-03 8.44663009e-02
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5,463 | 5,464 | How does a train eat? They Chew-Chew. | [ 2.35601654e-03 -1.11358250e-02 4.29734662e-02 1.30319551e-01
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5,464 | 5,465 | Why is the robot good at one night stands? Because he nuts and bolts. | [ 1.46859912e-02 2.96484400e-02 4.31311354e-02 4.21890989e-03
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5,465 | 5,466 | New phone My sister got an Iphone 5c. I asked if I could C it she said "No" so I said SIRI ously | [-8.19606483e-02 -3.78291048e-02 3.41666229e-02 -6.75803944e-02
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5,466 | 5,467 | Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out?...He was already taking out a tooth | [-8.01567174e-03 8.08420107e-02 1.64805613e-02 3.15067396e-02
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5,467 | 5,468 | It seems highly unlikely that the Romans would have built a new cross for every execution, which means... Jesus was a repost. | [-8.81990567e-02 5.24236895e-02 -1.69706680e-02 -4.85648811e-02
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5,468 | 5,469 | *tries to mount a horse* Horse: "I have a boyfriend." | [-4.52609956e-02 7.73171782e-02 1.03161201e-01 1.42243514e-02
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5,469 | 5,470 | You hear about the newswoman with one boob? She kept abreast of the current issues. (go easy...just made this up) | [ 7.02770874e-02 -3.55484970e-02 9.19327699e-03 1.14090540e-01
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5,470 | 5,471 | Why has there never been a military dictatorship in America? Because they don't have an American embassy over there. | [ 1.57706868e-02 -6.61101416e-02 -2.95902155e-02 -3.53905037e-02
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5,471 | 5,472 | Who isn't white or black but shows you no color? A Rod | [ 7.59831071e-03 3.94726135e-02 -3.19034196e-02 2.67090891e-02
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5,472 | 5,473 | Yo momma so old.... She has a separate entrance for black men. | [ 1.01165744e-02 -5.50024658e-02 -6.71861172e-02 5.46019413e-02
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5,473 | 5,474 | God all I want is a chance to prove that winning the lottery won't change me. | [-3.74942124e-02 4.67831045e-02 2.80788522e-02 -6.40414879e-02
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5,474 | 5,475 | What's the best drink for a dog? An old faschund. | [-9.58150905e-03 -3.19986790e-02 2.73312517e-02 7.12623671e-02
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5,475 | 5,476 | Just ate two bacon cheeseburgers, so if anyone wants to come rob me, I won't be getting up. | [ 9.17660631e-03 -3.10534537e-02 -6.22297404e-03 6.18280750e-03
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5,476 | 5,477 | How many cats does it take to make a fur coat? None! Cats can't sew! | [ 7.88979754e-02 7.89289642e-03 3.40053476e-02 4.25138362e-02
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5,477 | 5,478 | A man walks into a library to check out a book for men with small penises. The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet." "Yeah that's the one" | [-3.57329510e-02 -4.33772244e-03 -2.19867490e-02 3.90448011e-02
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5,478 | 5,479 | "Does this leaf make me look fat?" - Eve. | [-1.34224081e-02 1.31421089e-01 9.07175988e-03 1.09218195e-01
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5,479 | 5,480 | What does my ex and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts. | [-2.27597412e-02 -7.89120942e-02 2.72709299e-02 -1.02982093e-02
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5,480 | 5,481 | President Lincoln "I'm going to miss you, President Lincoln," said John Wilkes Booth. Booth lied. He didn't. | [-5.16797453e-02 4.44742851e-02 -1.94458291e-02 4.70552035e-02
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5,481 | 5,482 | Saudi TV Mistake Saudi Arabia TV reported the Brussels attack 15 minutes earlier than it actually happened. Saudi TV sincerely apologizes for this innocent mistake. | [ 6.16687350e-02 8.67661461e-02 4.50454615e-02 5.27061000e-02
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5,482 | 5,483 | Me: C'mon, baby. Send me a pic. Her: I dunno. Me: Baby, please. I need it. Her: Fine. *Opens pic of pug dressed like a duck* Me: Sweeeeeet | [-3.04955319e-02 8.71135946e-03 8.79038032e-03 3.99639979e-02
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5,483 | 5,484 | What's grey and comes in quarts? Elephants | [-1.10583380e-02 8.11314881e-02 7.97263160e-02 6.95519596e-02
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5,484 | 5,485 | if formula for area of a circle is true, whats the shape of pi. square | [ 5.49129434e-02 2.66044345e-02 -3.97824012e-02 7.08216950e-02
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5,485 | 5,486 | Seven days without Mexican food.... Makes Juan weak. | [-1.91060938e-02 1.02586687e-01 3.39966565e-02 1.43216699e-01
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5,486 | 5,487 | I heard some new music today and I can't be sure if I liked it or not. It was called Schrodinger Scat. | [-2.33313590e-02 -3.31859253e-02 -4.14833501e-02 -3.44360843e-02
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5,487 | 5,488 | Why do they call it PMS? Because mad cow disease was already taken. | [-5.43145686e-02 -4.54583094e-02 4.13083881e-02 1.33693427e-01
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5,488 | 5,489 | What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can always unscrew a light bulb. | [-3.17179710e-02 -3.97575684e-02 -2.26111617e-02 6.60870895e-02
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5,489 | 5,490 | The awesome moment when you're telling a lie and your best friend notices and joins you | [-8.06575119e-02 5.39852791e-02 7.05446079e-02 6.11818954e-03
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5,490 | 5,491 | This fly I just killed in my apartment is more talented than every celebrity that tweets on this fucking site. | [ 7.43229538e-02 -4.34099063e-02 5.07682525e-02 -5.91519251e-02
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5,491 | 5,492 | Goldman Sachs is trimming bonuses. Conan O'Brien's payout is only $32 million. Anyone know where we can text-message our donations? | [ 2.94229644e-03 1.53882720e-03 1.13610616e-02 9.55402385e-03
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5,492 | 5,493 | Q: What do you call a bunch of dead black people in a barn? A: Out dated farming equipment. | [-1.16589423e-02 6.86567724e-02 -4.77079861e-02 2.08570007e-02
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5,493 | 5,494 | What do you call a midget psychic on the run? A small medium at large. | [ 1.52933067e-02 4.77104746e-02 -2.44874158e-03 3.92708555e-02
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5,494 | 5,495 | My next door neighbour just confronted me about her clothes going missing from the washing line .. I nearly shit her pants | [-1.27019584e-02 7.74967968e-02 5.59322499e-02 2.67320639e-03
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5,495 | 5,496 | Whats black and thin and all over my private parts? Dead African Children | [-5.73441125e-02 4.72939275e-02 -3.82387936e-02 1.19114116e-01
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5,496 | 5,497 | How did Jesus feel when they crucified him? He was cross. | [ 8.19738396e-03 8.06833953e-02 -3.70295234e-02 -2.92292167e-03
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5,497 | 5,498 | So I'm banging this guy from behind... ... and he turns around to kiss me, and I say "Whoa, buddy. I'm not gay!" | [ 7.59940371e-02 6.94911461e-03 -4.18944061e-02 -4.03157994e-02
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5,498 | 5,499 | Six U.S congress men die and go to heaven. | [ 4.22134772e-02 -3.15550677e-02 -5.44947386e-02 1.29041821e-02
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5,499 | 5,500 | "I may be fat, but you're ugly I can lose weight!" | [-7.80295432e-02 6.47686645e-02 3.76175195e-02 1.69258535e-01
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1.25418231e-01 5.36025129e-03 4.70315665e-02 -4.44605723e-02] |
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