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5,200 | 5,201 | Wanted: Personal psychic for wealthy client. Salary: $10,000 per week plus bonuses. Free accommodation. 10 weeks paid leave per year. Company car. Generous pension scheme. You know where to apply. | [ 8.13469850e-03 -1.00446781e-02 -1.64733920e-02 2.48003472e-02
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5,201 | 5,202 | My wife is upset we can't afford a vacation this year because I kept paying the kids to behave while I was driving | [ 2.20162775e-02 6.78492244e-03 7.70946741e-02 6.63017258e-02
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5,202 | 5,203 | Happy Hints To brighten your day, instead of going to the gym, go to Walmart You will feel a lot better about yourself | [-5.14650978e-02 -2.73156222e-02 1.24937803e-01 6.02335967e-02
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5,203 | 5,204 | I really hate when people get brie confused with similar cheeses. I camembert it. | [-3.13290246e-02 -9.64832976e-02 2.46443530e-03 -4.02540639e-02
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5,204 | 5,205 | What do you call a pile of blessed black waist sashes? A Benedictine Cumberbatch. | [-5.53253442e-02 4.35089469e-02 -9.12077352e-02 4.99630757e-02
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5,205 | 5,206 | there once was a wonderful poet who knew that one day he woud blow it cuz his poems woud rhyme most of the time but occasionaly they didnt | [ 5.36711402e-02 -5.43148220e-02 2.68651880e-02 6.95813121e-03
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5,206 | 5,207 | Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river? Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see! | [ 7.16876239e-02 4.60900366e-02 5.86654246e-02 5.72299697e-02
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5,207 | 5,208 | Not paying more than $2,000 a kilo. And can we stop communicating through Twitter? I feel like these DM's are going to go public someday. | [ 6.33455813e-02 -6.99925274e-02 6.35263622e-02 1.18223270e-02
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5,208 | 5,209 | The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world. | [ 2.42216396e-03 -1.46685252e-02 2.13321652e-02 9.51066706e-03
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5,209 | 5,210 | Oh you're in the shower? Here's the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode | [-3.42866145e-02 -5.70758134e-02 1.14081703e-01 -1.17934104e-02
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5,210 | 5,211 | Have you ever worked on a farm.. Because you sure know how to raise my cock! | [-3.53277177e-02 -1.06660463e-02 1.34980334e-02 6.41020574e-03
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5,211 | 5,212 | Looking for Sympathy? You'll find it between Shit and Syphilis in the dictionary. | [ 2.71448065e-02 -6.34625554e-02 3.04138375e-04 2.24453118e-02
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5,212 | 5,213 | Yo momma so fat She got an event horizon. | [ 6.54797535e-03 -4.99699898e-02 1.39568222e-03 6.80362433e-02
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5,213 | 5,214 | Why do people take acid at raves? Because there's so much base. | [ 3.60399596e-02 -4.27969359e-02 -8.56726430e-03 6.67677820e-02
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5,214 | 5,215 | French toast I saw on the menu at a small restaurant 10% more French in your toast and I asked the waitress what that meant and she said. "We swear at it" | [-1.54155204e-02 6.50386279e-03 2.46531479e-02 -9.61733889e-03
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5,215 | 5,216 | What did Tom Riddle's calculator tell Harry Potter? 8008132 | [-7.16955513e-02 7.69727230e-02 -3.58769000e-02 -2.79596671e-02
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5,216 | 5,217 | How did Jared lose 30 pounds? He dumped his girlfriend. | [ 3.18444520e-02 -8.49307887e-03 3.90417315e-02 8.44029933e-02
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5,217 | 5,218 | I hate it when people go round quoting the bible. I haven't even read it yet, but somehow folks think it's cool to give key plot points away | [-5.48428185e-02 5.50977252e-02 1.96437314e-02 -1.09407231e-02
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5,218 | 5,219 | What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNG!!!! | [ 3.34444754e-02 -7.93529209e-03 -5.91993378e-03 5.48794633e-03
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5,219 | 5,220 | Where do you see yourself in five years? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision. | [ 2.15383768e-02 -2.58495733e-02 1.13886781e-01 -1.80888432e-03
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5,220 | 5,221 | Q: What do clouds wear under their clothes? A: Thunderware. | [-4.35355753e-02 8.01777169e-02 1.01043515e-01 8.68328214e-02
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5,221 | 5,222 | What's the best way to grease a Ferrari? Run over an Italian. | [-4.92956229e-02 2.28759311e-02 -7.59364385e-03 7.80033320e-02
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5,222 | 5,223 | Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. I came to work naked. I want to be a porn star. Now I'm just unemployed. | [-3.71083356e-02 3.69898155e-02 2.94881258e-02 2.12977119e-02
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5,223 | 5,224 | A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, my farts sound like a motorbike" Doctor says "you have an abscess" Man says "how do you know?" Doctor says "because abscess makes the fart go Honda" | [ 5.25014894e-03 1.66785326e-02 -2.09509619e-02 7.45121986e-02
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5,224 | 5,225 | If Bill O'Reilly and Barbara Walters got married what would they name the baby? Baba O'Reilly | [-7.91137666e-02 -2.18623355e-02 -9.37636495e-02 1.26560867e-01
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5,225 | 5,226 | The band's name is 1023 MB. They haven't had any gigs yet. | [ 2.52917558e-02 -1.54929925e-02 -2.41034757e-02 -3.53810750e-02
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5,226 | 5,227 | I raise the bar when it comes to lowering standards. | [ 5.62634738e-03 2.63913125e-02 3.86730358e-02 -5.95732220e-03
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5,227 | 5,228 | What's the difference between a Mexican and a book? The book has papers | [-5.16107269e-02 7.59723783e-02 -5.57108112e-02 7.62670860e-02
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5,229 | 5,230 | What do you call a fruit that is a vegetable? A crippled homo. | [-4.88563254e-03 3.12435403e-02 -7.20506981e-02 9.30629224e-02
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5,230 | 5,231 | A man goes to the doctor... After looking at the man for 2 minutes the doctor says: "Mr. Willow, you need to stop masturbating!" "Why, doctor?" "Because I can't exmine you otherwise!" | [-1.35889305e-02 1.58875668e-03 2.57312749e-02 3.08353417e-02
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5,231 | 5,232 | Can I get pregnant from looking at a man in another car, at a red light but then quickly looking away when he looks over? | [ 4.89379186e-03 -6.32029325e-02 -5.84210493e-02 7.32670799e-02
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5,232 | 5,233 | A bunch of Jewish folks walk into a bar... Mitzva and celebrate Oscar's thirteenth bithday. | [-1.40252057e-03 9.28502381e-02 -7.84416720e-02 -6.74889609e-02
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5,233 | 5,234 | Study: 'Masturbation helps cure the common cold' Hope so, I've got no tissues left. | [-8.97397287e-03 2.17807088e-02 8.13392475e-02 1.08726345e-01
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5,234 | 5,235 | A priest, a rabbi, and a scientist walk into a bar... and have a wonderful conversation about politics. | [-1.67543963e-02 -1.19415512e-02 -7.00782016e-02 1.34973656e-02
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5,235 | 5,236 | It's awful that those other chipmunks force Alvin to wear an A on his sweater just because he's an adulterer. | [-4.04723100e-02 1.00975208e-01 -1.58830713e-02 2.56000347e-02
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5,236 | 5,237 | Hoe do you call a dog that likes to be on the internet. A Labragoogle. | [-2.56553981e-02 -1.06691020e-02 5.96706048e-02 -7.12079788e-03
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5,237 | 5,238 | Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dining room, patio... | [-9.93357692e-03 -2.29510944e-02 9.76250619e-02 7.23210443e-03
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5,238 | 5,239 | *a spider slowly rolls past my house on a tiny skateboard* "kids, go to the bomb shelter. it seems my past has finally caught up with me" | [-2.92647984e-02 -2.69888677e-02 4.50382158e-02 2.10142191e-02
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5,239 | 5,240 | Why can't a T-Rex clap it's hands? Because it's dead | [ 1.03678480e-02 -1.97768100e-02 5.22764586e-02 -4.54991236e-02
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5,240 | 5,241 | Have you got a copy of "Living with a small penis ?" Librarian "I don't think its in yet" "Yep thats the one" I replied | [-3.53932828e-02 1.60009526e-02 4.40553948e-02 3.66791636e-02
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5,241 | 5,242 | Had a job interview yesterday and was asked how much I was worth so I got up to leave. They ask me if there is a problem? Yes there is, I can't afford to live off that. | [ 1.49896462e-02 1.23867996e-01 -2.22808439e-02 7.19308555e-02
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5,242 | 5,243 | What do you call a dinosaur from the Middle East? An Iran-asaurus! | [-6.89153969e-02 8.89946818e-02 -1.15233092e-02 6.06435491e-03
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5,243 | 5,244 | What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon, and Michael Jackson rapes kids and gets away with it. | [-4.41929363e-02 6.93111420e-02 -1.98849253e-02 7.85879344e-02
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5,244 | 5,245 | How do skeletons reproduce? They don't. | [-8.92938823e-02 1.02786468e-02 -1.34962630e-02 -1.25273960e-02
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5,245 | 5,246 | How does any girl have less than 90 thousand Instagram followers? | [ 1.11324126e-02 -7.55834728e-02 3.73733528e-02 1.29582370e-02
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5,246 | 5,247 | Why did Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand? So she could moan with the other. | [-5.11160195e-02 -5.54619953e-02 4.96047512e-02 1.24707453e-01
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5,247 | 5,248 | It's pretty impressive that Beethoven could play the piano considering he was a St. Bernard. | [ 4.31893058e-02 4.54143323e-02 -1.94534808e-02 1.90821011e-02
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5,248 | 5,249 | I feel really bad about being at this girl's house last night. I came in seconds. Besides that, what kind of shitty name is that for a cat? | [ 3.75955775e-02 -4.10584100e-02 3.80514450e-02 2.23280620e-02
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5,249 | 5,250 | In America, you're the bomb is a complement. In Iraq, you're the bomb is the argument. | [ 9.67664197e-02 -4.54354985e-03 2.28865314e-02 -1.92402769e-02
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5,250 | 5,251 | What's the difference between real life Friends and the cast of the show Friends? The ability to binge watch Friends with your friends. | [-7.21461326e-02 -4.79787402e-02 9.02673564e-05 -2.25723460e-02
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5,251 | 5,252 | 1) Bake cake. 2) Don't cut it into pieces. 3) Eat the whole thing. 4) Claim I ate "only one piece of cake." | [-1.43894292e-02 1.43779561e-01 7.64644295e-02 3.16795078e-03
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5,252 | 5,253 | Why couldn't Bach pay for his dinner? Because he was Baroque. | [ 5.89294881e-02 1.80098638e-02 4.55271900e-02 2.92634033e-02
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5,253 | 5,254 | How do Mexicans greet Dr. Seuss? Jesus! | [ 2.67886389e-02 8.52995738e-02 5.35149835e-02 2.62547862e-02
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5,254 | 5,255 | Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because a semi truck hit her. | [-4.09093052e-02 1.14663187e-02 9.24480930e-02 9.26295966e-02
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5,255 | 5,256 | Q: What's the good part about having alzheimer's? You can hide your own easter eggs. | [-5.96178230e-03 8.35922211e-02 4.35320400e-02 5.34619167e-02
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5,256 | 5,257 | You're not fat. You're just... easier to see! | [ 4.07359041e-02 -4.63712960e-02 1.85067449e-02 1.14009209e-01
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5,257 | 5,258 | What do you call a sleeping prisoner? Under a-rest. | [-1.43042458e-02 6.40111268e-02 -8.22843686e-02 6.87554181e-02
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5,258 | 5,259 | I sexually identify as Counter Strike... *And I'm globally offended* | [ 2.40503643e-02 4.10257354e-02 -2.84999534e-02 -1.64988395e-02
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5,259 | 5,260 | How do you see if the Ken doll is ticklish? Give him test tickles. | [ 1.88035220e-02 -1.18045229e-02 7.78514072e-02 -1.76728163e-02
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5,260 | 5,261 | What did the Texas sheriff say about the black guy who was shot 15 times? "Worse case of suicide I ever saw." | [-2.57581379e-02 8.58473852e-02 -3.36983651e-02 4.60334830e-02
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5,261 | 5,262 | My friend really changed when she became a vegetarian, it's like I've never seen herbivore! | [ 2.06269138e-02 -2.69681439e-02 8.91841203e-03 6.50006682e-02
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5,262 | 5,263 | "Usain Bolt, Trump regrets/ Gawker downed by Hogan's sex/ Manafort, Putin's pet/ Lochte lies then hops on jet/ We didn't start the fire..." | [-3.15266997e-02 5.61011583e-02 -9.94538539e-04 7.64558539e-02
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5,263 | 5,264 | I like my women like I like my beer Stout and bitter | [-4.09710333e-02 -5.29820696e-02 1.83111075e-02 4.08156067e-02
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5,264 | 5,265 | Yeah, I'm basically a Pokemaster. *waves vaguely at shelves of confused squirrels in partially sealed Tupperware containers* | [-1.22878021e-02 1.84755342e-03 6.90420419e-02 9.32105910e-03
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5,265 | 5,266 | What's the number one comeback on r/Jokes? Riposte. | [-8.63443986e-02 -3.33077312e-02 -1.55817950e-02 2.53934618e-02
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5,266 | 5,267 | One way to handle social anxiety is to pretend you are a ghost & people are staring at you because they have a gift they never asked for | [ 1.79898720e-02 4.32538316e-02 3.23482230e-02 5.37708625e-02
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5,269 | 5,270 | Wanna hear a racist joke ? Donald Trump | [-3.82339023e-02 6.42968938e-02 -1.70673653e-02 3.71094532e-02
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5,270 | 5,271 | Where do pedophiles get the wedding rings? They go to Jared. | [ 4.57991399e-02 4.21035253e-02 -2.47368845e-03 -4.54457402e-02
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5,271 | 5,272 | My wife turns over and accidentally kicks me in the nuts. I gasp. She gasps. Then she raises her arms and yells, "I WIN! I WIN!" | [-2.19887458e-02 2.24011056e-02 3.72650810e-02 2.94576008e-02
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5,272 | 5,273 | I visited a real graveyard this Halloween I logged back into Google Plus. | [ 4.20146622e-03 -2.84302998e-02 -1.21402862e-02 -6.29756004e-02
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5,273 | 5,274 | I sexually identify as a pansexual And I have a fetish for cast-iron | [ 6.02072803e-03 3.92829347e-03 2.25962568e-02 5.14119640e-02
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5,274 | 5,275 | What do you call the underground slave trade? The black market. | [-5.14515638e-02 -2.30061915e-02 -1.05954185e-01 4.62078936e-02
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5,275 | 5,276 | I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. | [ 5.13494536e-02 -2.45204102e-02 1.87849044e-03 3.92151549e-02
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5,276 | 5,277 | "Why are you wearing?" - existentialist reporter on the red carpet | [-6.53431341e-02 7.48043209e-02 -1.78547427e-02 6.34690002e-02
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5,277 | 5,278 | What do you call a hacker who stays home when it snows outside? Edward Snowed-in! | [-7.49278069e-02 2.29519419e-02 9.94167640e-04 4.53879079e-03
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5,278 | 5,279 | Gawker must have been playing The Oregon Trail 'cause they just died of dissin' Terry. | [-6.61695972e-02 2.14950386e-02 3.44142988e-02 -4.71883826e-03
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5,279 | 5,280 | A married couple walks into a bar. | [-4.93823402e-02 -4.07533236e-02 -2.14636512e-02 4.20014895e-02
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5,280 | 5,281 | *Goes into debt Debt: Wrong hole. | [ 4.01766934e-02 -3.16162826e-03 -1.30456118e-02 4.63389568e-02
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5,281 | 5,282 | You're the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work. | [-4.23758198e-03 7.81365205e-03 5.99967167e-02 2.88093686e-02
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5,282 | 5,283 | What did the Physics professor say to the fat kid in school? "You've got a lot of potential!" | [-5.51166981e-02 4.98179309e-02 1.38813201e-02 1.05929561e-01
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5,283 | 5,284 | Every year there is a race from one side of Sweden to the other... They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line. | [-1.18206041e-02 3.75135131e-02 -1.23159941e-02 6.85643032e-03
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5,284 | 5,285 | I bought my epileptic boyfriend a strobe light for his birthday. He's gonna have a fit when he sees it. | [ 3.91501449e-02 2.97392085e-02 1.56965796e-02 1.39750782e-02
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5,285 | 5,286 | Pretty sure the "FINISH HIM" guy from Mortal Kombat is giving relationship advice to every girl I date. | [ 1.48274628e-02 -3.70926820e-02 4.32794429e-02 -2.10721064e-02
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5,286 | 5,287 | What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me. | [-8.94549489e-02 1.13987535e-01 3.30409557e-02 -2.83979774e-02
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5,287 | 5,288 | Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons. | [ 3.14427167e-02 6.90832734e-02 4.30493429e-02 1.87436529e-02
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5,288 | 5,289 | I hate when I'm singing along to the Beastie Boys and they mess up the lyrics. | [-5.50232865e-02 -1.41521357e-02 2.86958907e-02 -6.39834478e-02
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5,289 | 5,290 | How do you know when you're eating rabbit stew? When it has hares in it. | [ 1.04515113e-01 -1.37567595e-02 -1.42747853e-02 9.69449356e-02
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5,290 | 5,291 | Chicken Joke Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to your house. Knock knock -Who's there? The chicken. | [-1.99075714e-02 -1.42273968e-02 3.05490158e-02 4.24722284e-02
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5,291 | 5,292 | You know what's great about being single ? Fucking everything | [-3.89429480e-02 3.62658389e-02 9.09589604e-02 5.65266870e-02
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5,292 | 5,293 | I always heard it was OK to date a nun... as long as you don't get into the habit. | [ 2.95581277e-02 -4.98706065e-02 -2.35851072e-02 3.62158343e-02
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5,293 | 5,294 | If I had a time machine, I'd go back & mess with myself. I'd delete and retweet frog my tweets monkey with random words giraffe inserted. | [-9.04901773e-02 -1.99746955e-02 3.56412008e-02 1.33969337e-02
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5,294 | 5,295 | On April Fools Day a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack. | [-1.19815856e-01 5.98332798e-03 4.59664017e-02 -2.39468506e-03
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5,295 | 5,296 | Why does it take so long for a pro-lifer to screw in a lightbulb? They love to watch mistakes being made. | [ 2.40266602e-02 4.97833230e-02 2.14270186e-02 6.00752160e-02
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5,296 | 5,297 | My roommate just told me he tried to walk to Russia from Alaska. He pulled up short because he couldn't get his Bering Strait. | [ 6.01049513e-02 5.22930063e-02 3.04297917e-02 8.14169794e-02
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5,297 | 5,298 | I think the government caused all the snow in the South Cause I'm Snowden | [-7.52161145e-02 7.60921417e-03 1.08952768e-01 1.78865977e-02
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5,298 | 5,299 | Why do Jews get circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not at least 10% off. | [ 7.32841492e-02 7.57647827e-02 1.58026926e-02 7.07909092e-02
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5,299 | 5,300 | Do the right thing. Not right away, but like after you get called out. | [-2.98173837e-02 3.55948806e-02 -5.69448546e-02 -2.15350259e-02
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