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5,100 | 5,101 | When I got depressed, I joined the Army. I didn't have any experience or motivation, I just wanted a soldier to cry on. | [-1.93158928e-02 2.39253286e-02 3.01766787e-02 5.23377694e-02
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5,101 | 5,102 | What music is good to listen to while having a snack? 8 a bit music. | [-1.56796109e-02 -5.54992668e-02 6.13269582e-02 6.93415944e-03
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5,102 | 5,103 | Most Offensive Jokes You've Ever Heard Dark/black humor, abortion jokes, dead baby jokes, show me your worst reddit. I'll start. What's better than winning gold in the Paralympics? - Walking | [ 4.42018732e-03 -2.34764256e-02 -2.89724525e-02 5.03354631e-02
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5,103 | 5,104 | Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a sinking boat. Who survives? America | [ 3.38476263e-02 -2.72181947e-02 1.11435652e-02 -1.67573504e-02
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5,104 | 5,105 | What do you call a gay dinosaur? A mega-sore-ass. | [-4.51663621e-02 4.41675968e-02 -7.41414027e-03 4.78023142e-02
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5,105 | 5,106 | Why did the fly eat all of the butter? He wanted to become a butterfly! | [ 4.21316810e-02 4.99364138e-02 7.14946014e-04 5.93178384e-02
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5,106 | 5,107 | Bethesda Softworks announce that Fallout 4 will be postponed until April 2016 Don't worry you are on the jokes section | [ 4.56115901e-02 -5.59156835e-02 5.97629026e-02 2.26331353e-02
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5,107 | 5,108 | Heard this gem in the video game L.A. Noire. Three blondes walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have saw it. | [-3.96900326e-02 -9.51596126e-02 -4.08474468e-02 3.32583450e-02
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5,108 | 5,109 | What's the most trifling thing about divorce when you have kids? Child custardy | [-9.16740373e-02 2.13608723e-02 -1.83931354e-03 2.87791770e-02
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5,109 | 5,110 | What's the hardest part of milking a mouse ? Getting it to fit over a bucket ! | [-5.64697990e-03 -3.60793322e-02 7.99987540e-02 -2.93319784e-02
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5,110 | 5,111 | lol these ppl "don't see race" right up until you start making beloved fictional characters black, then they're 18th century anthropologists | [ 1.82470847e-02 4.86919563e-03 -1.22042270e-02 3.74269038e-02
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5,111 | 5,112 | I hate niggers | [-3.30352783e-02 6.94236010e-02 1.95950903e-02 2.11731698e-02
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5,112 | 5,113 | Schrodinger's Cat is depressed Cat: No one came to my birthday party/funeral | [ 1.15564920e-01 5.48230112e-02 1.44617297e-02 3.73317786e-02
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5,113 | 5,114 | Wife: Maybe its time for "the talk" Me: Ok. Son, cops can't bust you for the drugs you've done, just the drugs you have. Her: Not that talk! | [-5.63818887e-02 7.81000927e-02 2.93046813e-02 -3.05319987e-02
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5,114 | 5,115 | How do you call a prison inmate? With a cell phone. | [-4.25722674e-02 4.71325852e-02 -7.62490183e-02 -2.61057504e-02
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5,115 | 5,116 | I can't stop drinking about you. | [-1.86408758e-02 3.85998860e-02 6.76860064e-02 -6.52228072e-02
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5,116 | 5,117 | *Throws up some gang signs* *stabs self in eye with salad fork* Hubs: Next time you do the Macarena, put your fork down. | [ 5.69190457e-02 -5.67431822e-02 3.78653109e-02 -4.64196913e-02
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5,117 | 5,118 | Did you hear the joke about the bees? Its a bit long to tell you now but I asure you it was very honey! | [ 1.01071848e-02 1.04098888e-02 7.90455267e-02 2.97116395e-02
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5,118 | 5,119 | What do you call an alligator in a vest? Investigator! | [-8.49525556e-02 8.83093029e-02 -6.42441735e-02 6.73575774e-02
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5,120 | 5,121 | What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 15 years | [-3.92595790e-02 -2.40030866e-02 4.12668400e-02 3.22038233e-02
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5,121 | 5,122 | Did you hear how the crazy camping show was last weekend? It was in tents. | [ 2.07743999e-02 5.37883602e-02 1.56487040e-02 4.48419154e-02
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5,122 | 5,123 | What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside. | [ 7.32200667e-02 2.18100734e-02 1.13057615e-02 1.37206251e-02
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5,123 | 5,124 | What's a pedophile's favorite type of shoe? White vans. | [-2.05336660e-02 3.30595933e-02 7.94917066e-03 -2.30668038e-02
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5,124 | 5,125 | What's shorter than Mt. Everest? Mt. Everer | [-2.04857457e-02 9.75622460e-02 1.12327822e-02 3.59643921e-02
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5,125 | 5,126 | How do you know you're in a modern art museum? If you need to ask if the bench is an art piece. | [ 2.41166875e-02 7.65901878e-02 3.51128518e-04 -6.32063486e-03
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5,126 | 5,127 | I added Paul Walker on xbox the other day... Too bad he spends all his time on the dashboard. *Courtesy of my cousin* | [-3.92514542e-02 -3.70935700e-03 -9.18705985e-02 -1.10157959e-01
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5,127 | 5,128 | @BurgerKing I love the way all employees working the drive thru speak English as a 14th language. I just got a frog and an avocado. | [-7.09577987e-04 -5.75270504e-03 9.25221965e-02 -8.60544667e-02
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5,128 | 5,129 | American girls A kid asked his Dad if he could have $10 for a guinea pig. His Dad says, "All I have is $5, why don't you find yourself a nice American girl." | [ 1.93562750e-02 -9.99295991e-03 -9.46627930e-03 5.03846668e-02
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5,129 | 5,130 | Did you know Paul walker was on the radio when he died? He was also on the dashboard, the windscreen and the steering wheel. | [-1.78449191e-02 8.78051668e-02 -4.54435609e-02 1.33786369e-02
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5,130 | 5,131 | I recently had to stop making clothes for nuns... It was habit-forming. | [-2.47098971e-02 5.90435462e-04 2.82676099e-03 9.72433984e-02
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5,131 | 5,132 | Got all the way to the car and realized I left my keys back at the office The two things I hate most in life: 1. ISIS and 2. Accidental exercise | [ 2.70654317e-02 1.11184455e-01 9.04906839e-02 -1.24310963e-02
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5,132 | 5,133 | What did the fat guy give to the fat girl? Just the tip... | [-4.09598649e-02 1.21999726e-01 1.60781969e-03 6.91415593e-02
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5,133 | 5,134 | The most romantic restaurant in the world is not as dimly lit as the operating room on a TV medical drama. | [ 7.77450949e-02 -8.22230615e-03 2.79878564e-02 2.76641231e-02
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5,134 | 5,135 | At least I have all day sober to Sunday up..... | [-3.78449680e-03 -1.61465015e-02 7.08004907e-02 -1.09145669e-02
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5,135 | 5,136 | My parents once sent me abroad for the summer I didn't learn a thing from her. | [ 3.19078863e-02 2.06705686e-02 6.93891123e-02 5.54392077e-02
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5,136 | 5,137 | Weed strin humor At the dispensary there is a strain called Aldous Huxley. If you smoke it with your wife she becomes sterile. #LegalWeedJokes | [ 7.77885364e-03 -3.06330435e-02 -3.22085395e-02 -4.28695232e-03
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5,137 | 5,138 | What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you can't pee soup. | [-3.85663919e-02 -5.35345934e-02 1.62848588e-02 -3.20888460e-02
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5,138 | 5,139 | 40% of Americans over 60 believe... ... that they were at Woodstock. | [ 1.11711077e-01 6.56054355e-03 1.73156615e-02 -9.45744338e-04
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5,139 | 5,140 | Just watched a pirated movie On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14 | [-9.43086147e-02 1.50170480e-03 -3.38689201e-02 -6.70652390e-02
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5,140 | 5,141 | How do you stop a woman giving you a blow job? Marry her. | [-3.20147425e-02 3.45219485e-02 1.61111709e-02 -8.56262669e-02
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5,141 | 5,142 | Why do we hate making up gay jokes? Because it's always a pain in the ass | [ 1.28994649e-03 -3.30645815e-02 -1.52015425e-02 7.39233568e-02
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5,142 | 5,143 | Why are Americans so bad at League of Legends? because they can't protect their towers | [ 4.93183024e-02 6.98466003e-02 8.27187207e-03 -2.93753762e-02
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5,143 | 5,144 | I love milk... It's got lots of cowcium. | [ 5.92877576e-03 -7.70282224e-02 5.68223670e-02 2.48978790e-02
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5,144 | 5,145 | What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car? In a police car, the pricks are on the inside. | [ 3.37316580e-02 1.73846185e-02 -3.47930416e-02 -2.73376098e-03
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5,145 | 5,146 | I just used Oxi Clean for the first time, and it's amazing. I'm starting to think Michael Jackson put it in his bath water. | [-6.89964667e-02 -4.87231417e-03 7.67450184e-02 -1.00294081e-02
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5,146 | 5,147 | Why do mice have a hole in their bottoms? Because otherwise they would be unable to track movement and move the cursor in the computer screen. | [-3.40553485e-02 -4.29276712e-02 5.27825505e-02 -5.22578843e-02
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5,147 | 5,148 | I always get told off when introducing my wife... Apparently, the label 'ex-girlfriend' is highly inappropriate. | [-2.54024789e-02 -7.31806234e-02 3.92246097e-02 3.99378054e-02
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5,148 | 5,149 | Some of you are like family to me. I don't want you calling me either. | [-7.33862966e-02 3.03632449e-02 6.41343324e-03 -2.61654407e-02
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5,149 | 5,150 | Been married six months and I can't even remember the last time I felt lucky on Google. | [-5.01771793e-02 -6.25821501e-02 8.80171433e-02 3.76047492e-02
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5,150 | 5,151 | Hi, I'm black and I can't stand the stereotype that we are all criminals. -Sent from your iPhone | [ 4.01740987e-03 7.17640817e-02 -1.50561994e-02 4.14167182e-04
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5,151 | 5,152 | A vampire stopped coming to my nightly poker games. All I said was that he made too many mistakes... | [ 8.69400892e-03 1.06231429e-01 2.16759630e-02 3.49711180e-02
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5,152 | 5,153 | History has forgotten the name of the man that invented the "Lazy Susan", but it conveniently still remembers the name of his ex-wife. | [-3.95551920e-02 3.07570118e-02 3.04976827e-03 7.40956590e-02
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5,153 | 5,154 | Wanna hear a joke? Serving sizes | [-1.39229391e-02 5.55425733e-02 2.55023241e-02 8.27517137e-02
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5,154 | 5,155 | How long are you supposed to wait to return a boy's call? This IRS guy sounded pretty into me | [-9.91572142e-02 5.72016761e-02 -2.42833607e-02 -3.60588804e-02
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5,155 | 5,156 | What do vegan zombies eat? ~Graaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnsssssss | [-5.04271798e-02 4.31430936e-02 -4.41167131e-02 1.75841805e-02
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5,156 | 5,157 | This third bottle of wine has turned everything into a microphone. | [ 7.68107595e-03 -2.29260419e-02 -8.09788853e-02 -4.82193716e-02
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5,157 | 5,158 | I've just noticed my wife is wearing her sexy underwear. This can only mean one thing She's behind with the washing. | [ 2.07825452e-02 2.84142629e-03 1.49101606e-02 -1.87870897e-02
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5,158 | 5,159 | my wife wouldn't let me wear my pajama jeans to her awards luncheon thing because you can "see my balls through them" smh | [-4.37985696e-02 9.14221704e-02 6.62476569e-02 -8.96600820e-03
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5,159 | 5,160 | Gas goes in the butt and out the mouth - Cigarettes | [ 2.30210684e-02 4.57075946e-02 -2.15170532e-02 5.53026870e-02
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5,160 | 5,161 | If you know someone who has too many kids, buy them a game of Jenga So they'll learn to pull out | [-3.84285264e-02 9.75246448e-03 1.33119235e-02 -7.13441521e-02
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5,161 | 5,162 | Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania? Dracula's dentist. | [-1.29591161e-02 6.46000206e-02 -7.75927231e-02 6.62637278e-02
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5,162 | 5,163 | I dated a guy who always kneeled and prayed before sex. I still don't know if he was scared of what I'd do or thankful. Either way, amen. | [ 4.45456505e-02 6.50662184e-02 -4.38553430e-02 -1.33203734e-02
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5,163 | 5,164 | If a bunch of nuns wanted to help small business, they could create their own small business writing business plans... And call it 'Nun of Your Business' | [ 8.28645099e-03 2.31573475e-03 -6.04349151e-02 2.25790367e-02
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5,164 | 5,165 | [Dirty] Why do men like golf so much? It makes it possible for them to go from hole to hole with an iron in their hands. | [ 6.89995736e-02 7.46955257e-03 6.55429214e-02 1.14845417e-01
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5,165 | 5,166 | I've no idea why I'm a virgin. But I'm guessing it's because my Siamese twin is really ugly. | [ 1.99584849e-02 -3.38832028e-02 9.97455791e-02 5.51675819e-02
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5,166 | 5,167 | Yo mama's so mean... She's got no standard deviation! | [ 7.78293908e-02 -2.13068863e-03 2.38569435e-02 2.90365666e-02
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5,167 | 5,168 | What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire? A hemogoblin. I came up with this during lecture after a dyslexic moment, thought someone may like it. | [-7.80806914e-02 6.69318065e-02 -2.39947438e-03 9.22170207e-02
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5,168 | 5,169 | [zoo] "This is the bear kids" Wow I want his arms "What? You cant ha.." *kid shows tour guide 2nd amendment* "Bring him the arms smh" | [-4.04201681e-03 1.15987934e-01 6.70343637e-02 -2.60620611e-03
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5,169 | 5,170 | "What do we want?!" "TIME TRAVEL!" "When do we want it?!" "IRRELEVANT!" | [-5.05290292e-02 5.99560961e-02 4.49885754e-03 1.11452593e-02
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5,170 | 5,171 | What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A BABOOM! | [-1.49861490e-02 -3.58267874e-02 -4.06361483e-02 -3.67103182e-02
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5,171 | 5,172 | Maybe, just once, someone will call me ma'am without adding, "You're making a scene" | [-1.09335117e-01 -9.97628048e-02 7.13646337e-02 3.28091830e-02
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5,172 | 5,173 | [first date] Me: You into role playing? Her: Kinky, what do you have in mind? Me: You fake a heart attack and we get our meal for free. | [-2.85400711e-02 4.35085874e-03 8.18504617e-02 2.02352628e-02
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5,173 | 5,174 | Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? He doesn't want anyone to know he's fucking a chicken. | [ 5.18583022e-02 6.95052519e-02 2.63642352e-02 2.88875420e-02
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5,174 | 5,175 | Me *about to get hit by a bus* OH SHIT I'M NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER | [ 4.39337306e-02 -5.81168123e-02 7.13049471e-02 -1.93652231e-02
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5,175 | 5,176 | Hey in my nursing class we just learned how to bathe people can I practice on you? | [ 2.46861530e-03 -2.75945868e-02 8.10474455e-02 -8.15452170e-03
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5,176 | 5,177 | [Corny] Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack | [-2.66781785e-02 1.85377188e-02 9.24730897e-02 1.17318425e-02
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5,177 | 5,178 | Don't fall in love. You will get feelings and die. | [-2.94617936e-02 -6.17990308e-02 7.97682405e-02 -1.93551350e-02
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5,178 | 5,179 | In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth. | [-4.78772782e-02 5.67503646e-02 5.79274036e-02 3.49703543e-02
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5,179 | 5,180 | Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched. | [ 6.29196614e-02 -1.99508108e-02 -4.76290006e-03 8.86180550e-02
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5,180 | 5,181 | How to even in three and half easy steps. I literally can't even. | [ 1.46286068e-02 -6.13128347e-03 2.21517067e-02 4.61852923e-02
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5,181 | 5,182 | What's the worst part about /r/meirl moderators? [Deleted] | [-1.00572892e-01 1.68025028e-02 3.44595723e-02 -4.40769233e-02
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5,182 | 5,183 | Doctor Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains Well pull yourself together then | [-2.58673336e-02 1.80440373e-03 3.30272056e-02 -2.71818042e-03
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5,183 | 5,184 | "You have to be pretty bad at math to use a calculator to check 3rd grade homework." -My smartass kid to me just now. | [-5.51230609e-02 2.63660010e-02 7.04185048e-04 -1.86199695e-02
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5,184 | 5,185 | Knock Knock Who's there ! Agnes ! Agnes who ? Agnes & Topeka & the Santa Fe ! | [ 2.75410283e-02 7.59501830e-02 -8.33057910e-02 2.03724783e-02
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5,185 | 5,186 | What does it mean to be an Agnostic with insomnia and dyslexia? You stay up all night wondering if there is a dog. | [ 3.65047306e-02 -9.79310647e-02 2.94144377e-02 9.64634418e-02
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5,186 | 5,187 | No matter where you live, there's always 1 light switch that doesn't do anything. | [ 9.75154936e-02 -7.33315349e-02 4.15824838e-02 6.06577843e-02
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5,187 | 5,188 | If an interviewer asks you: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" say "I don't know, did you see me pull up in a DaLorean?" | [-5.74235506e-02 6.65880963e-02 6.99487850e-02 3.80345322e-02
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5,188 | 5,189 | Hear about psych on netflix? Thats messed up | [-2.85150260e-02 -9.61921588e-02 -5.98398037e-02 1.58296172e-02
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5,189 | 5,190 | What's miley cyrus's favourite color? twerkquoise | [ 2.25874744e-02 -1.12469709e-02 6.32425845e-02 -5.33125103e-02
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5,190 | 5,191 | I'm gonna try and shoot the whole school Said the yearbook photographer | [-3.92413549e-02 1.24593392e-01 8.08687955e-02 -8.46329797e-03
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5,191 | 5,192 | Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over ? Me: You wanted to watch me lick my ice cream cone ? Cop: Just go please | [-3.19526456e-02 1.58651359e-02 2.34149098e-02 4.48665209e-02
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5,192 | 5,193 | You prefer white wine over red? For god's sake, try and see the world with some claret-y | [ 3.64128686e-02 -2.60716137e-02 -2.58982717e-03 2.41387207e-02
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5,193 | 5,194 | "I'd like a nice stiff entendre please." - Want me to make it a double? "I'll just take it as it comes." | [-5.61773591e-02 2.59120241e-02 7.07977042e-02 1.84814129e-02
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5,194 | 5,195 | I recently became friends with someone from Central Europe We met at a Chess tournament and I've never once beaten him in a game. He's my Czech mate | [ 4.67210226e-02 8.60790908e-02 -4.10923846e-02 -7.10191354e-02
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5,195 | 5,196 | I was arrested for having sex with a 15 year old girl... I dunno, I thought she was older than that. I guess that makes two reasons why I'm a bad father. | [ 1.30780716e-03 4.40927595e-02 6.66779326e-03 1.06455591e-04
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5,196 | 5,197 | who needs people when you got pizza | [-8.73644948e-02 5.81745803e-02 1.08722178e-02 -4.55438113e-03
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5,197 | 5,198 | "I'm not a fan." -air conditioner | [-1.02622425e-02 3.44682448e-02 5.90582713e-02 7.71372467e-02
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5,199 | 5,200 | I bet the guy who invented falling asleep was totally like "Oh no! I died! Hey, wait a minute..." | [-4.85006198e-02 1.21888146e-02 1.76812634e-02 5.29277958e-02
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3.14735882e-02 3.56558785e-02 1.37092378e-02 -2.33084317e-02] |
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