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5,000 | 5,001 | When I get naked in the bathroom.. The shower usually gets turned on. | [-5.06510399e-03 -5.24569973e-02 3.83754261e-02 4.11922447e-02
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5,001 | 5,002 | [moving her panties to the side] HEY MAA, I'M MAKING ROOM FOR MY LEGOS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER. | [-6.62558293e-03 5.76672740e-02 3.65114100e-02 -2.60150041e-02
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5,002 | 5,003 | Shoutout to Batman for being a true American and proving the only superpower you need is money. | [-3.90577167e-02 2.67606042e-03 -6.53515756e-02 4.59144637e-03
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5,003 | 5,004 | What do Ebola patients eat? Abola chicken noodle soup! | [-1.42394705e-02 -1.53566990e-03 2.74604391e-02 7.58125540e-03
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5,004 | 5,005 | Bad grammar is my biggest pet peeve Their is nothing else than pisses me off more then seeing people use it. | [ 6.51487783e-02 -2.48218048e-02 5.48912808e-02 -2.78589483e-02
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5,005 | 5,006 | What is the name of the Asian pointing out everyones mistakes? Xu wong | [ 1.69349350e-02 4.34444435e-02 -2.58887559e-03 4.73333001e-02
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5,006 | 5,007 | What does "IDK" mean? I keep asking people, but they don't know either. | [-6.54373989e-02 1.03038207e-01 -5.90796843e-02 1.98064577e-02
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5,007 | 5,008 | What do my wife and my math teacher have in common? They both love to create problems that I am apparently supposed to solve. | [-2.50802431e-02 2.90909614e-02 -1.08938781e-03 -1.06185051e-02
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5,008 | 5,009 | I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. Benefits were good, but the parking was terrible. | [-1.42850624e-02 8.08940306e-02 4.27182913e-02 -2.58871424e-03
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5,009 | 5,010 | I have recently learned that it is considered poor form to sit on Santa's lap and ask to be made a widow for Christmas... The more you know. | [ 5.65507412e-02 8.22110027e-02 -1.75367445e-02 2.97317170e-02
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5,010 | 5,011 | Two wind turbines are having a paddle 1: What's your thoughts on renewable energy? 2: I'm a big fan. | [-6.08936772e-02 4.21909355e-02 2.82150917e-02 8.15174822e-03
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5,011 | 5,012 | My hamster died... He fell asleep at the wheel. | [ 8.17008987e-02 1.22624107e-01 5.29210083e-02 3.23634222e-02
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5,012 | 5,013 | I'll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working... | [-9.76888835e-02 -2.25464888e-02 -1.48940543e-02 1.45505427e-03
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5,013 | 5,014 | In my interview for the binman job, I asked if you needed any special training... The interviewer said "nah you just sort of pick it up as you go along". | [ 4.78032604e-02 7.33593851e-02 -1.48169324e-03 3.31971757e-02
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5,014 | 5,015 | I went door-to-door today telling my neighbors I'm a registered sex offender so they'll keep their damn kids out of my yard. | [-9.62665305e-03 3.66602503e-02 1.72835868e-03 5.49045019e-02
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5,015 | 5,016 | I worked at a Chili's when I was in college, which is so embarrassing. I usually just tell people I was a stripper. | [-1.01729771e-02 1.71934807e-04 3.16048414e-02 5.21151386e-02
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5,016 | 5,017 | How can you tell if a Redditor is an extrovert? During any conversation he's looking at YOUR shoes. | [ 1.75677668e-02 -1.22499317e-01 8.87407921e-03 -2.15364085e-03
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5,017 | 5,018 | Strip search? Fine but I'm going to need some music. | [-3.78959216e-02 -4.65613194e-02 1.88370813e-02 -2.46395636e-02
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5,018 | 5,019 | What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine? The pricks are on the outside of a porcupine. | [ 6.32563829e-02 -3.45716700e-02 3.40623502e-03 8.06819089e-03
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5,019 | 5,020 | I bought a gun from Chekhov... I figure I'll have to use it at some point. | [-5.42508885e-02 6.57657236e-02 -3.61537002e-02 -3.12434696e-02
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5,020 | 5,021 | If you plant a block of ramen noodles in the ground and water it with cold ones every day, it will grow into a college kid. It's science. | [-5.11294268e-02 -4.48147207e-02 3.18964869e-02 3.21271047e-02
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5,021 | 5,022 | Police officer asks driver if he recognizes himself. Police officer asks man if he recognizes himself. Then the driver pulls out mirror and says ''yes it is me'' | [-2.21616980e-02 6.42929822e-02 1.77884903e-02 1.87417213e-02
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5,022 | 5,023 | I once shot an unarmed man Well I was the one to shoot of both his arms but still... | [ 3.82889919e-02 1.05287068e-01 1.20429974e-02 2.53139734e-02
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5,023 | 5,024 | What does a baby diaper and Obama have in common? There both full of shit. | [ 6.27195509e-03 2.03099567e-02 -2.32153218e-02 8.76169279e-03
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5,024 | 5,025 | Why do we PARK on a DRIVEway, but my mom's boyfriend Craig won't let me call him Dad when we hug? | [ 5.47124110e-02 6.26942609e-03 4.82353196e-02 -2.54903659e-02
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5,025 | 5,026 | Oriental Rugs and Tubs... could be a furniture store or a dyslexic whorehouse. | [ 3.14717963e-02 1.32031459e-02 4.61358614e-02 3.60764489e-02
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5,026 | 5,027 | What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use some lube | [ 3.61552611e-02 -4.32247929e-02 3.29148136e-02 -5.21496264e-03
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5,027 | 5,028 | So I just listened to Kanye's album... Dafuq? | [ 6.55429438e-02 -1.06725477e-01 3.41223180e-02 3.15920217e-04
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5,028 | 5,029 | A young Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow $50... His father replies: "40 dollars!, what could you possibly need to borrow 30 dollars for?!?" | [-1.90717615e-02 1.45719916e-01 -1.69521831e-02 -1.63888223e-02
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5,029 | 5,030 | Im going to nickname my penis 'The Truth'... ...Because you want the truth, but you can't handle the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts. | [-3.36887464e-02 2.67267767e-02 3.37900408e-02 7.05436841e-02
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5,030 | 5,031 | but what does Jesus do when he wants to swim | [ 2.02287715e-02 1.03517830e-01 3.49128358e-02 -1.32651925e-02
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5,031 | 5,032 | Rick Astley: Do you have any Pixar movies I can borrow? Me: You can have Cars, Toy Story & Ratatouille, but I'm never gonna give you UP. | [-1.13342032e-01 -5.39552309e-02 1.96217243e-02 -3.66339199e-02
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5,032 | 5,033 | You can extend the olive branch.. but you can't beat them over the head with it | [ 8.82059336e-02 8.42965171e-02 6.96796970e-03 -4.15965766e-02
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5,033 | 5,034 | Love will tear us apart. Also, bears, wolves and some other woodland creatures. | [-1.96963586e-02 3.93219888e-02 1.60822555e-01 6.72885403e-02
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5,034 | 5,035 | Why does Mexico rarely wins medals at the olympic games? All the ones who can run/swim/jump already made it to America. | [ 4.97911572e-02 7.32555315e-02 5.62001802e-02 1.51583916e-02
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5,035 | 5,036 | What happens when you step on an oily asian? Better not say. I feel like I'm already treading on a slippery slope. | [-6.38078526e-02 1.17524248e-02 8.27043802e-02 8.47726539e-02
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5,036 | 5,037 | sometime soon theyll all be screaming my name.. at the jamba juice because my order is ready and i am checking my phone | [-2.14649029e-02 -8.90385807e-02 5.32619953e-02 -3.52711277e-03
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5,037 | 5,038 | How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents... | [-3.24853770e-02 1.36135608e-01 4.08383310e-02 -2.55998801e-02
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5,040 | 5,041 | Fidel Castro's last words Fidel Castro's final words were: "revive me I have the ray gun" | [ 5.28112333e-03 6.83327392e-02 -2.87231226e-02 2.66429260e-02
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5,041 | 5,042 | Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway. | [ 3.42379473e-02 1.18811047e-02 -4.87696789e-02 -2.93296725e-02
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5,042 | 5,043 | What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it | [-2.27623768e-02 -2.89778337e-02 -6.28087521e-02 2.74753086e-02
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5,043 | 5,044 | GOD: I call this Tupperware SATAN: remember when I let u crash at my place and u said u owed me one G: yes S: make the lid a little smaller | [-4.23945822e-02 1.00410320e-01 -1.36496723e-02 2.30700318e-02
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5,044 | 5,045 | I assume the Burning Bush was the Bible's first recorded STD. | [-1.29521294e-02 3.45349833e-02 2.13225279e-02 3.05896308e-02
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5,045 | 5,046 | So you got mustard on your jeans. Shut up about it. We live on a wet marble that flies circles around a giant burning star. Fuck your jeans. | [ 1.54142482e-02 3.48948948e-02 8.25204551e-02 4.18665744e-02
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5,046 | 5,047 | My girlfriend said to me that she wanted me to tease her, so I said, "All right, fatty." | [-1.83572341e-02 1.49625149e-02 8.21190700e-03 8.44034776e-02
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5,047 | 5,048 | Did you hear about the Lord Of The Rings and Taxi Driver fanatic who had a bit of a stutter? He said to his friend, "Jay, R, R you Tolkein to me?" | [-1.97244808e-02 1.52675463e-02 3.72399157e-03 -5.82442991e-03
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5,048 | 5,049 | Be Alert The world needs more lerts. | [ 1.48450471e-02 4.79808599e-02 4.89626639e-02 -5.26346415e-02
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5,049 | 5,050 | Divorce.... Is the fucking you get for the fucking you got! | [-4.60380055e-02 4.15238813e-02 5.80998510e-02 4.07749005e-02
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5,050 | 5,051 | Small penises are like iPhones with cracked screens... They serve their purpose but nobody really wants one. | [ 2.49609854e-02 5.86364791e-02 1.00431062e-01 -1.98942572e-02
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5,051 | 5,052 | A construction worker asked me to make a joke about the contents of his toolbox. Unfortunately, I don't have any drill bits. | [ 3.30084981e-03 4.96953316e-02 -8.13439023e-03 5.99269159e-02
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5,052 | 5,053 | Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson? Because he'd already done the sharps and flats. | [ 3.30816135e-02 1.37431547e-01 -2.75425240e-02 -4.22126316e-02
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5,053 | 5,054 | I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years. I don't have 2020 vision, guys. | [ 1.95607822e-02 1.89114306e-02 1.08436577e-01 -1.65002439e-02
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5,054 | 5,055 | What time does Sean Connery get to the US Open? Ten-ish | [-9.69395880e-03 -4.47714888e-02 1.43488878e-02 -3.93059812e-02
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5,055 | 5,056 | 6 things should be common in a Girl and Tea. Should be hot. should be strong. should be sweet. adequate milk. should be ready in 5 minutes. And lastly, won't let you sleep whole night :) | [-6.88547492e-02 -1.30774826e-01 5.85912615e-02 1.62534323e-02
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5,057 | 5,058 | 10 Money Saving Tips (Joke) http://travelmediacafe.com/2014/11/18/10-money-saving-tips/ | [-1.49040008e-02 1.27291409e-02 1.99410450e-02 6.11087978e-02
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5,058 | 5,059 | LPT: Always make sure to post to the correct subreddit. It is an embarrassing mistake and most people will think you're an idiot. | [-6.74124435e-02 -1.06239626e-02 6.25906885e-03 -5.85977547e-03
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5,059 | 5,060 | Why did Adele cross the road? Because she wanted to say: > Hello from the other side... | [ 3.71915251e-02 3.10563855e-02 7.49941692e-02 6.23184964e-02
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5,060 | 5,061 | Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter. | [-9.31738764e-02 -9.24216304e-03 -6.44687042e-02 2.35119648e-02
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5,061 | 5,062 | When my girlfriend and I decided to make it official, I told her: I have to tell you, before we met, I was... well...promiscuous. Oh cool she exclaimed. I love Greek mythology. | [-1.52943535e-02 7.11408556e-02 5.26910722e-02 7.38003571e-03
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5,062 | 5,063 | What do Germans look at on the internet? Danke memes | [-1.19438674e-02 4.38803807e-02 5.51329106e-02 -1.51830623e-02
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5,063 | 5,064 | Late night phone convo BF: Ok you hang up GF: No, you hang up BF: No, you first GF: Nooo, you first NSA: Shut the fuck up and hang up already! | [-3.03721298e-02 -2.14427467e-02 1.81974582e-02 -2.15549543e-02
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5,064 | 5,065 | All I want for Christmas is a stormtrooper who doesn't miss the target every time he shoots. | [ 4.14101873e-03 3.01705357e-02 -1.06505945e-03 -1.13786189e-02
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5,065 | 5,066 | It's called Facebook not Boobbook. So next time try to get your face in the picture too? K thanks. | [-2.42839623e-02 5.03534870e-03 -4.77338433e-02 4.41985428e-02
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5,066 | 5,067 | What do you call a black astronaut? Invisible | [-6.07146919e-02 5.43590710e-02 -9.17428955e-02 1.30969837e-01
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5,067 | 5,068 | Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party? Because they were 50% off! | [-5.99575927e-03 6.06407039e-02 4.59329709e-02 4.09803167e-02
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5,068 | 5,069 | So Abraham Lincoln walks into a bar... ...and says, "I'll have a shot." Did I just make up a new lame joke, or has this been done before? I think I need to sleep. | [-3.02576311e-02 -1.18822632e-02 1.25469295e-02 4.91774492e-02
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5,069 | 5,070 | What did one lawyer say to the other? "we are both lawyers." | [-9.50654969e-02 1.25063360e-01 -5.00755794e-02 7.81224342e-03
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5,070 | 5,071 | Abortions are so fun... ...they really bring out the kid in you | [-5.17416280e-04 6.33057877e-02 -5.71482703e-02 1.91245358e-02
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5,071 | 5,072 | Why should Trump be careful of deporting Mexicans? It could go south so fast. | [ 5.32948561e-02 6.76560448e-03 3.28122973e-02 -2.87107676e-02
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5,072 | 5,073 | Why did the Seahawks win the 2015 NFC Championship game against the Packers? Because even Aaron Rodgers is a 12! | [-1.34399701e-02 1.27231643e-01 -2.41195108e-03 -5.11053316e-02
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5,073 | 5,074 | Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: You're an artificial limb salesman? Me: I prefer international arms dealer'. | [-2.43278202e-02 2.42276043e-02 3.86740863e-02 -3.17393728e-02
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5,074 | 5,075 | I gave a blind man 10$ He told me he'll pay me back the next time he sees me. | [-8.22391436e-02 6.41626492e-02 1.75848417e-02 2.71416605e-02
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5,075 | 5,076 | Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He's the Easter Bungee! | [ 4.93026860e-02 4.74921055e-02 4.40043472e-02 3.91843617e-02
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5,076 | 5,077 | What's in common between Batman and a black guy? They can't go into a store without Robin | [ 1.96414255e-03 2.17649583e-02 -1.16090171e-01 5.30927666e-02
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5,077 | 5,078 | Best Joke Ever... This US presidential election. Yup, I went there... | [-1.97819117e-02 -1.81810372e-02 5.04967831e-02 4.34438102e-02
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5,078 | 5,079 | Knock, knock. Who's there? Alan Rickman and David Bowie. Alan Rickman and David Bowie who? Alan Rickman and David Bowie have both died recently. | [ 9.55406856e-03 4.37457934e-02 1.08787734e-02 -6.92819953e-02
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5,079 | 5,080 | What kind of government does Disney World have? A plutocracy | [ 7.95118809e-02 -1.71903390e-02 6.05694130e-02 -1.41210081e-02
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5,080 | 5,081 | It is WAY TOO EARLY for Christmas music. -people in the year 75 BC | [ 2.37891302e-02 6.98400065e-02 -1.75111555e-03 -3.82250510e-02
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5,081 | 5,082 | Today a woman came into my doctor's office with a sexually transmitted mental illness. She was fucking crazy. | [-4.46116971e-03 6.91683367e-02 -2.07401030e-02 2.95523205e-04
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5,082 | 5,083 | How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish person? None. | [ 1.03658259e-01 2.37812921e-02 -1.11760855e-01 -3.91534306e-02
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5,083 | 5,084 | Why does the food take so long at an Internet cafe? Because the servers cannot be found | [ 2.23618541e-02 -3.04684229e-02 5.79474233e-02 1.42853353e-02
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5,084 | 5,085 | What us the difference between white, brown and black people? The time God took to cook us | [ 6.16348609e-02 9.08589810e-02 -3.91401350e-02 7.38910511e-02
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5,085 | 5,086 | My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I didn't love her back. It's nice when problems resolve themselves like that.;-) | [-1.20578911e-02 -6.92885509e-03 1.28649861e-01 5.02169132e-03
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5,086 | 5,087 | Found my son and his GF naked in his room, Sex-ED is so advanced. Now, they also give homework! | [-6.75218627e-02 8.30276683e-02 -1.48433689e-02 -2.14938056e-02
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5,087 | 5,088 | His son asked him what gay meant. Son: Dad, what does gay mean? Dad: Happy son. It means happy. Son: Then are YOU gay DAD? Dad: No son...... i have a wife... | [ 4.26744185e-02 9.23486501e-02 -6.30079657e-02 9.82575212e-03
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5,088 | 5,089 | *rings bell* "Can I help you?" Yes I'd like a dragon on my back an- *starts pooping on a crucifix* WTF? *checks sign on door* "Taboo Artist" | [-3.39588039e-02 3.50357108e-02 1.42139588e-02 2.94163674e-02
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5,089 | 5,090 | I play with my hair a lot because I don't have testicles. | [ 7.62011707e-02 -1.32288467e-02 2.37315465e-02 -5.50260283e-02
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5,090 | 5,091 | Why is it a bad idea to give Elsa a balloon? Because she'll "Let it go! Let it go!" This joke was made up by my 5 year old nephew. | [-2.10301392e-03 8.17864314e-02 2.12166514e-02 9.02724117e-02
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5,091 | 5,092 | How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool? "Please get out of the swimming pool." | [ 2.17714738e-02 1.00220427e-01 5.04632220e-02 -1.56672131e-02
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5,092 | 5,093 | Me: This infomercial is so stupid. *10 mins later* Me: So all I have to pay on the 2nd one is the shipping and handling? | [-3.93433459e-02 -7.04898238e-02 7.76361153e-02 2.29723621e-02
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5,093 | 5,094 | Guess what came in the mail today I did, I ran out of tissue. | [ 7.29453895e-05 5.81590794e-02 1.13577373e-01 4.62043062e-02
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5,094 | 5,095 | In this economy I sometimes have to make tough choices. Like between eating or buy that cover for my iPad. | [-2.37794742e-02 3.24860029e-02 5.35008162e-02 6.02143444e-02
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5,095 | 5,096 | The Detroit Lions have been given guns to subvert increasing violence in the area... ...local zookeepers fear the worst. | [ 3.96608599e-02 6.08734265e-02 5.21304365e-03 4.57727239e-02
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5,096 | 5,097 | What do you call a cellphone company that uses nuclear power? Cher-Mobile | [-6.42601624e-02 5.43356538e-02 -7.21200777e-04 3.37826908e-02
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5,097 | 5,098 | I just vacuumed my dog to cut down on indoor shedding, if you're looking for a life coach or whatever. | [-2.85928976e-02 2.09343378e-02 1.32302955e-01 5.83936907e-02
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5,098 | 5,099 | I'm sorry I committed a home invasion but somebody had to do something about those carpets. | [ 1.05757050e-01 6.25774637e-02 1.05475977e-01 -1.54807596e-02
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5,099 | 5,100 | How many male chauvinist does it take to change a lightbulb? None, the wife can cook fine in the dark | [ 5.21846563e-02 -7.12165236e-03 -2.42556464e-02 7.59832039e-02
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5.13392128e-02 -3.08645368e-02 -1.77229047e-02 -1.44845834e-02] |
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