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int64 0
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4,800 | 4,801 | I played a blank CD full blast on repeat all night last night. The mime next door went nuts! | [ 1.86919067e-02 -5.66698648e-02 8.43617395e-02 -3.78184356e-02
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4,801 | 4,802 | I love you my friends and that's not just the beer talking. It's from the bottom of my bottle of wine too. | [-4.75744158e-02 9.05195698e-02 3.40321623e-02 -4.45477851e-02
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4,802 | 4,803 | Teach us About Absolute Zero! 0K! | [ 7.40970485e-03 7.66039416e-02 -1.04195155e-01 7.67505765e-02
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4,803 | 4,804 | Q: What country is ill? A: Germany. | [ 8.15671980e-02 6.48466498e-02 -1.53043220e-04 1.86811853e-02
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4,804 | 4,805 | When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on. | [-5.69782369e-02 -3.85974459e-02 4.79791015e-02 -2.53913589e-02
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4,805 | 4,806 | Teacher: "Who built the first American car?" Student: "Me Pilgrims." Teacher: "The Pilgrims?" Student: "Yeah they made the Mayflower Compact." | [-3.38498061e-03 8.32553282e-02 3.33120301e-02 2.75422744e-02
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4,806 | 4,807 | Sorry about the concussion Steve but it wouldn't be called a "trust fall" if it worked every time. | [-6.36134744e-02 2.09435131e-02 2.78619397e-02 7.84843694e-03
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4,807 | 4,808 | My friend is so stupid she thought Alabama is a city. Don't worry, I informed her Alabama is the president. | [ 6.42660335e-02 1.73413195e-02 7.33733177e-02 2.77431253e-02
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4,808 | 4,809 | I try to be a good sport, but sometimes I'm badminton. | [ 1.70640331e-02 2.93020485e-03 7.76251853e-02 -5.47291264e-02
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4,809 | 4,810 | When is it ok to snipe police officers? As Dallast resort. | [ 4.27075140e-02 -7.69102655e-04 -3.90677787e-02 -5.10692783e-03
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4,810 | 4,811 | I hate it when winter comes. It makes my wenis so dry. | [ 5.00340061e-03 8.57968703e-02 1.17016137e-01 4.56302352e-02
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4,811 | 4,812 | Q: What happens when two snails fight? A: They slug it out. | [ 4.13294099e-02 1.51561439e-01 5.29270954e-02 4.90611196e-02
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4,812 | 4,813 | Whats the difference between Gabrielle Giffords and her husband....... Her husband flies in a bullet whereas bullets fly in to her.... too soon? | [ 1.88860167e-02 -5.14054745e-02 -2.86480766e-02 8.87501463e-02
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4,813 | 4,814 | A clown and a child walk into the dark woods.... The child looks up at the clown and says "I'm scared." The clown replies "You're tellin' me kid, I have to walk back alone." | [-2.15892792e-02 -1.71749536e-02 -2.44598892e-02 1.08458273e-01
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4,814 | 4,815 | What is a ghost's favorite street? A boooooooolevard. | [ 3.87113616e-02 5.20441495e-03 -2.24871840e-02 2.10169591e-02
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4,815 | 4,816 | What could you create with Starbucks caramel mocha chip frappuccino? The Audi logo and The Olympics logo. | [-6.45578504e-02 5.35997748e-02 4.47361395e-02 1.67496353e-02
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4,816 | 4,817 | *Skrillex' mother puts her ear to his bedroom door* *She hears constant bass drops* *Dad walks up* "Sounds like he's Wubbing one out.." | [ 7.05158059e-03 -2.74694487e-02 5.09622209e-02 -1.46701476e-02
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4,817 | 4,818 | Hey Bradley Cooper's eyes: the most beautiful sky imaginable called - it wants it's color back | [ 1.07567804e-03 4.05559726e-02 3.98786627e-02 6.41053915e-02
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4,818 | 4,819 | Big shoutout to the lazy, seven year old idiot who named Red Delicious apples. | [-1.51978852e-02 1.85628384e-02 -3.42596583e-02 4.93159741e-02
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4,819 | 4,820 | Yo mama is so fat that we were unable to put her under for the surgery. I'm sorry, there's nothing we could do. | [-8.20132438e-03 -1.48997083e-02 1.27980867e-02 7.16789588e-02
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4,820 | 4,821 | My cats are named Ra and Isis. In ancient Egypt, they would have been gods. | [ 1.12001121e-03 7.08632991e-02 -5.06741880e-03 3.59718166e-02
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4,821 | 4,822 | I love jewish comedians they never ham it up. | [ 4.54600938e-02 2.27774922e-02 -6.10193647e-02 -3.87511626e-02
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4,822 | 4,823 | What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? One stops sucking when you slap it and the other is a blonde. | [ 1.03062335e-02 -5.99642135e-02 5.50518632e-02 -1.72859970e-02
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4,823 | 4,824 | The ocean isn't shark-infested. It's the ocean. That's where sharks live. We aren't supposed to be there. Humans infest the ocean. | [-2.51708813e-02 -1.20812738e-02 6.41437173e-02 2.58096680e-02
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4,824 | 4,825 | What's the first sign of AIDS? A pounding sensation in the ass. | [-4.76529412e-02 -1.03333676e-02 -1.58818420e-02 8.11604857e-02
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4,825 | 4,826 | When you're accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don't reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago. | [-7.6584451e-02 8.8906810e-02 3.4985833e-02 -1.3756353e-02
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4,826 | 4,827 | My feet were killing me yesterday. I bought some in-soles thinking they'd probably do nothing to help. Today I stand corrected. | [-1.05994903e-01 -1.81377474e-02 9.32266861e-02 2.24053226e-02
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4,827 | 4,828 | My girlfriend and I were talking about pets, she said she'd like to get a manatee. I just laughed and said, "Two sugars, please." | [-4.09350451e-03 -3.83249372e-02 6.21799380e-02 4.39827926e-02
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4,828 | 4,829 | im smart. if asian equals pi then four times four is sixteen told you i was smart... | [ 4.67101894e-02 7.44636506e-02 2.24588644e-02 8.98041576e-03
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4,829 | 4,830 | What did the druggie do when he got acid? Took some tums | [ 4.24741805e-02 2.76511740e-02 -6.73561245e-02 3.34508605e-02
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4,830 | 4,831 | TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway. Whoops, wrong sub. | [-2.92335115e-02 -1.14650577e-01 7.36447349e-02 1.72232836e-02
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4,831 | 4,832 | is thinking that with their track record, buying condoms at a BP station is just taking too big a risk! | [-5.24153747e-02 4.24759611e-02 -1.74574219e-02 -1.47716887e-02
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4,832 | 4,833 | [blind date] "I'm like, really good at *looks on hand* making the sex" -did you just read that off your hand? "Hey! You're not blind!" | [-4.40152176e-02 -1.19227050e-02 5.59302494e-02 1.15629219e-01
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4,833 | 4,834 | The old farmer hates when the horses neigh at night. The weird noises give him night-mares | [ 2.21538804e-02 7.11831897e-02 7.68782571e-02 3.20845880e-02
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4,834 | 4,835 | If you can't buy a person, you can always sell him. | [-6.44901767e-02 6.47084564e-02 -3.58391814e-02 -9.71850753e-02
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4,835 | 4,836 | What do bulls do math with? A cow-culator! (Cue groans) | [ 1.29003283e-02 -2.61829477e-02 1.75626017e-02 2.61760913e-02
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4,836 | 4,837 | #1: My personality is 30% the last movie I watched. | [ 2.80492026e-02 -4.12885509e-02 2.29554046e-02 1.21946121e-02
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4,837 | 4,838 | What's the difference between a women's track team and a tribe of smart pygmies? The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. | [-1.81788448e-02 -4.16351184e-02 9.82716307e-03 3.49895395e-02
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4,838 | 4,839 | How to get mustard out of your white shirt.. 1) go to a store 2) buy a new shirt | [-2.31241789e-02 6.15859888e-02 5.88794574e-02 2.39739828e-02
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4,839 | 4,840 | Why, yes, that is a banana in my pocket! *removes banana* How did you know? *begins to peel & eat banana* I'm still glad to see you though. | [-3.60734947e-02 6.19318858e-02 4.39274125e-02 5.91579787e-02
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4,840 | 4,841 | I named my iPod "The Titanic" Oh look! It's syncing now. | [-5.56003116e-02 -7.94267282e-02 4.81581129e-02 -1.89956801e-03
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4,841 | 4,842 | Anyone else want to join my all Mexican tribute band? We are called Juan Direction. | [-3.89826037e-02 -5.51137067e-02 5.25047304e-03 -6.90304954e-03
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4,842 | 4,843 | What do you call a bear without teeth? You call that fellah a gummy bear. | [-5.98196872e-02 2.52201222e-02 6.18048385e-03 6.19484670e-02
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4,843 | 4,844 | my agent sent me a list of my followers & circled all crude avatars in red ink. if i dont block these people it WILL cost me the Arby's deal | [-9.93588790e-02 -2.31025275e-03 -3.58473137e-02 -5.72200911e-03
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4,844 | 4,845 | The boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.... He serves up a great burger and fries. | [-5.44857234e-02 1.39594764e-01 3.17961089e-02 -5.56189455e-02
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4,845 | 4,846 | What's the difference between an art student and a philosophy student? A philosophy student asks you *why* you want fries with that | [ 1.94575656e-02 5.55435605e-02 -5.09755276e-02 -6.58692792e-02
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4,846 | 4,847 | just got my nipples pierced! and they gave me a discount because I have so many! | [-3.63387614e-02 1.00579010e-02 5.62193468e-02 -2.52990890e-02
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4,847 | 4,848 | Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who's sick of her bullshit. | [-8.43939721e-04 -8.99120346e-02 -7.77780265e-03 4.05625403e-02
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4,848 | 4,849 | I poured my root beer into a square cup Now I've just got beer. | [ 7.18553588e-02 -1.01074418e-02 -1.95664018e-02 6.17531873e-02
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4,849 | 4,850 | If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors... Then I feel really bad for the boys of the "Dickinson" family tree. | [-5.77526800e-02 4.41582594e-03 3.16788480e-02 -4.95718680e-02
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4,850 | 4,851 | So...Donald Trump was on The View today. I kept rewinding it and watching it trying to spot Elizabeth Hasselbeck's boner. | [-2.23385519e-03 -6.00254349e-03 6.70653731e-02 -5.02078123e-02
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4,851 | 4,852 | In honour of Agatha Christie, turn off all the lights and kill one of your work colleagues. | [-2.08651740e-02 7.43338615e-02 2.36060973e-02 1.95785966e-02
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4,852 | 4,853 | I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things. | [ 1.03834115e-01 8.68838727e-02 7.40144625e-02 2.01792782e-03
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4,853 | 4,854 | Did you hear about that new lesbian reversal medicine? It's called Trycoxagin. | [-1.40485978e-02 -6.47706836e-02 -4.70003672e-02 4.45835106e-02
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4,854 | 4,855 | Sneak into the employee bathroom at Target and make some violent alien noises, maybe leave a jellyfish in the toilet | [ 3.33539210e-02 4.24818546e-02 5.85647672e-02 -2.58195829e-02
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4,855 | 4,856 | Knock knock? Who's there? Come in. Come in who? Me. | [-1.55805703e-02 5.38798496e-02 8.44768994e-03 -4.82711568e-03
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4,856 | 4,857 | Her: What do you do? Me: I drill for oil. G: That sounds interesting. M: No, it's really... H: Don't do it, I'll leave M:...just boring | [-1.61010418e-02 2.65353061e-02 9.90469679e-02 5.57060465e-02
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4,857 | 4,858 | How did Watson and crick blow their chance with a hot girl? They said, "baby you'd look good if you got a pair of skinny genes" | [-8.09132084e-02 -4.33182903e-02 2.82337014e-02 8.39476138e-02
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4,858 | 4,859 | What do you get from a cow on the North Pole? Cold cream! | [-5.15106171e-02 -9.10415035e-03 4.67798114e-02 6.78117350e-02
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4,859 | 4,860 | What is similar between the life of an Ethiopian kid and the hype of Call Of Duty: Infinite Warfare? They're practically non existent. | [-9.10166651e-02 3.95327620e-02 -4.83626015e-02 -2.67629810e-02
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4,860 | 4,861 | Why is 6 afraid of 7? 'Cause 7 was a Registered Sex Offender. | [ 3.30355018e-02 -1.66204069e-02 1.65819936e-02 7.79854879e-02
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4,861 | 4,862 | If body builders religiously try to gain weight.. Does that mean they go to the gym for mass? | [ 8.14419519e-03 4.53388952e-02 -1.28413243e-02 8.29135329e-02
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4,862 | 4,863 | What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef. | [-2.71568801e-02 -3.18863951e-02 -4.08611782e-02 3.26328613e-02
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4,863 | 4,864 | The EU referendum I liken the EU referendum to being in a pitch black room with two men in a mandatory rape scenario with both of them telling you theirs is the smallest. | [ 5.90911359e-02 1.01692006e-01 -2.55867504e-02 1.29878381e-02
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4,864 | 4,865 | I'm black, and I really hate it when my white friend doesn't answer my calls. I guess some old habits never die... White man always leavin' me hanging | [-5.55368722e-04 8.61005262e-02 2.85175033e-02 3.63741405e-02
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4,865 | 4,866 | Charlie Sheen Says He Has HIV... Finally a positive in his life. | [-1.05648279e-01 4.62750308e-02 1.77853387e-02 1.25094252e-02
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4,866 | 4,867 | What's the difference between a refugee and E.T? E.T learned English and wanted to go home. | [ 2.17047166e-02 4.65455242e-02 5.39927967e-02 -1.86787248e-02
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4,867 | 4,868 | What did the Cannibal do after he dumped his Girlfriend? Wipe his ass. | [-2.73247603e-02 4.50114645e-02 2.58499850e-02 3.08796559e-02
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4,868 | 4,869 | I've created a new type of bubble but I don't know how to describe it. It's indescribubble. | [-9.92131978e-03 -5.19936271e-02 -7.77874514e-02 1.93355302e-03
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4,869 | 4,870 | I'm always good at figuring out who dies first in a movie but sometimes directors fuck with me by casting too many black people... | [ 2.68931445e-02 -7.12803528e-02 -3.86330523e-02 2.89693382e-02
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4,870 | 4,871 | Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. "A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago" | [-3.88229601e-02 4.47044261e-02 1.70928072e-02 6.36528619e-03
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4,871 | 4,872 | "Any two-watt bulbs?" "For what?" "That'll do. I'll take two." "Two what?" "I thought you didn't have any." "Any what?" "Yes, please." | [ 9.87099297e-03 8.09846967e-02 1.77478846e-02 3.38573009e-02
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4,872 | 4,873 | Do you have hair around your nipples? Is it particularly in the hair-eola? ... I came up with this the other night while half asleep. Be gentle. | [ 1.83703937e-02 -6.57748654e-02 -1.90642476e-02 -2.00359933e-02
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4,873 | 4,874 | HORROR STORY- U are the only one alive in a post apocalyptic world. U tweet and it gets retweeted! | [ 1.87684614e-02 3.43600549e-02 4.41932410e-04 7.59561062e-02
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4,874 | 4,875 | Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails it'd be very difficult to aim. | [ 8.40311050e-02 1.52730858e-02 1.01055846e-01 4.91505489e-02
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4,875 | 4,876 | Boy, I hate small talk. *coworkers all grimace* He's right behind me isn't he? *Small talk starts cracking his knuckles* | [ 6.15472049e-02 8.08861852e-02 6.59943372e-02 -4.13987972e-02
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4,876 | 4,877 | A midwife delivered a baby and asked the mother " wow your baby has such lovely hair, does he get it from his dad?" The new mother replied " I don't know, he wore a hat" | [-1.88591406e-02 6.26491755e-02 1.16738332e-02 2.80091781e-02
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4,877 | 4,878 | What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck. | [-5.94496839e-02 5.63492775e-02 5.88495610e-03 -2.05098391e-02
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4,878 | 4,879 | Calling your girlfriend Dumbledore.. ..cause she's the real head master | [-2.05340106e-02 -8.95382389e-02 8.63148347e-02 -3.04259714e-02
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4,879 | 4,880 | It was so hot today I saw a robin picking earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs. | [-1.86482947e-02 2.14726175e-03 1.06362194e-01 7.20343143e-02
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4,880 | 4,881 | what's harder than closing your blinds? My dick as I watch you through them | [ 2.88969763e-02 -6.27757013e-02 7.84993637e-03 4.47204933e-02
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4,881 | 4,882 | was that your rat running around here? - it is not a rat, it is a dwarf doxie - my cat ate it, meaning that's rat | [ 5.98247647e-02 2.09191851e-02 4.06516604e-02 7.49374414e-03
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4,882 | 4,883 | How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin | [ 2.39085965e-02 9.50781405e-02 -1.19036980e-01 3.66297811e-02
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4,883 | 4,884 | What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he's not going to come anyway. (might of already been posted) | [ 1.31276678e-02 4.37196158e-03 -1.89914014e-02 5.08767292e-02
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4,884 | 4,885 | Pretty offensive joke: Why does all Turkish men have a mustache? because they wanna look like their mother. | [ 5.18529741e-05 7.04438090e-02 -1.07997544e-02 4.14959267e-02
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4,885 | 4,886 | I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words... "Were you fired?" | [-5.09134829e-02 7.33545795e-02 4.91771065e-02 4.05699946e-02
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4,886 | 4,887 | What Did the Sadist Do to the Masochist? Nothing. | [ 1.29360287e-03 1.34512052e-01 -1.94907896e-02 7.79875442e-02
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4,887 | 4,888 | Weighed myself. Did elliptical for 30 minutes. Weighed myself. Half a pound heavier. Never exercising again. | [ 4.44215052e-02 -4.38129390e-03 5.13696624e-03 7.03144446e-02
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4,888 | 4,889 | when interviewing a person for a dog walking position, you must make absolutely certain that given the chance, the applicant won't eat a dog | [-1.54635943e-02 2.01064982e-02 8.27863216e-02 5.36001883e-02
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4,889 | 4,890 | dwights farm as suffered a massive blight, almost bankrupt he was signed for a massive record deal on the condition he give up farming turns out all he had to do was drop those sick beets | [-1.37424115e-02 5.31679913e-02 5.51405437e-02 -7.06193596e-02
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4,890 | 4,891 | Did you know that the Shitzu and Bulldog breeds can never crossbreed ever? Just kidding, that's bullshit. | [-3.96616496e-02 -3.93484011e-02 -1.81550402e-02 4.65493463e-02
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4,891 | 4,892 | Not all Girl Scouts are nice. Some silent fart while you're filling out the paperwork for Thin Mints and they don't even say they're sorry. | [ 2.67597213e-02 2.08910014e-02 7.49429762e-02 4.89909016e-02
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4,892 | 4,893 | Why did the North Korean defect to South Korea? He did some seoul searching. | [-1.32719325e-02 1.07224673e-01 8.67291540e-02 1.06901750e-02
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4,893 | 4,894 | Pro tip: Instead of having kids, just adopt a couple raccoons. They'll trash your house too, but at least they can feed themselves. | [-4.77974787e-02 1.00255823e-02 -1.06423320e-02 8.60693604e-02
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4,894 | 4,895 | I entered an astronomy competition the other day... ...I didn't come first but I did get a constellation prize | [ 9.51785315e-03 4.99770604e-03 3.83959152e-02 5.34758754e-02
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4,895 | 4,896 | *thumb wrapped in giant bandage* CW: Oh my God, what happened? Me: Never challenge a hitchhiker to a thumb war. | [-4.34121750e-02 7.97715038e-02 4.91374396e-02 -2.92561017e-02
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4,896 | 4,897 | My Christmas tree isn't the only thing that's getting lit this time of year | [ 7.07320645e-02 3.05883642e-02 1.09683037e-01 2.99798287e-02
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4,897 | 4,898 | What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet. | [ 5.37480973e-02 -3.34537104e-02 2.38829199e-02 8.62125866e-03
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4,898 | 4,899 | Why was 6 afraid of 7 Because 7 was a registered 6 offender | [ 3.57858837e-02 -5.87404007e-03 4.57003620e-03 4.66200896e-02
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4,899 | 4,900 | 9/11 Jokes aren't funny. The other 2 however, are hilarious! | [-2.51658373e-02 -9.55970883e-02 3.65660042e-02 3.08353081e-02
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7.05897361e-02 4.63721715e-02 1.71306673e-02 -2.32058875e-02] |
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