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4,900 | 4,901 | What do you do when you want to hold a bunny? You grabbit. | [ 8.61769319e-02 5.62470220e-03 1.62110534e-02 7.09533645e-03
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4,901 | 4,902 | Where is the most extravagant brothel in Switzerland, with the most expensive hookers? The FIFA headquarters. | [ 6.05589226e-02 4.88933846e-02 -1.16527371e-01 4.57005687e-02
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4,902 | 4,903 | Walking down the street today someone handed me a free air guitar... No strings attached... | [-1.27851749e-02 9.73567367e-02 4.96758372e-02 1.82700101e-02
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4,903 | 4,904 | Uncle Bill always gave 100% Son: How did he die Dad? Dad: He donated blood. | [-5.74380085e-02 9.39760804e-02 -4.49468009e-02 -3.95290814e-02
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4,904 | 4,905 | What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven | [ 2.47954726e-02 7.45212287e-02 -5.92749529e-02 4.97035757e-02
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4,905 | 4,906 | Why are Jews so bad at maths? Cause they can never find the final solution | [ 4.33609970e-02 9.24168751e-02 2.15242095e-02 2.96590198e-03
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4,906 | 4,907 | It must be tough to live in Europe. There's neither land nor way.. | [ 1.05961077e-01 -4.82399715e-03 -2.72713210e-02 -4.82438877e-02
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4,907 | 4,908 | Have you heard of the grammar nazi? He is really anti-semantic... | [ 6.74669743e-02 -1.09151481e-02 6.31855894e-03 -9.17270873e-03
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4,908 | 4,909 | What would call a person who isn't worthy of being looked at? Unseaworthy | [ 3.45873646e-02 -2.43400829e-03 -1.01626746e-01 2.69438792e-02
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4,909 | 4,910 | Where do nazis go on vacation? The holocoast. | [ 8.47828090e-02 7.82061890e-02 -5.50055318e-02 4.28815484e-02
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4,910 | 4,911 | Funny Book Title Thread! I'll start: "How To Get The Most Out Of Your Bank Heists" by Fillmore Sacks | [-2.85093170e-02 8.94774590e-03 -9.92357209e-02 4.11941018e-03
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4,911 | 4,912 | Why did the irishman wear two condoms? to be sure, to be sure. | [-5.21767251e-02 8.38008225e-02 -3.73489186e-02 -6.10447582e-03
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4,912 | 4,913 | Marvel is making a "Winter Soldier" standalone film and I get to play his roly poly sidekick. They call me...the "Summer Sausage" | [-5.51552027e-02 -3.56707238e-02 -1.63732059e-02 3.09982412e-02
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4,913 | 4,914 | What is Kanye West's favorite breakfast food? Omelette you finish. | [ 3.91701460e-02 4.36335802e-02 5.59865907e-02 -3.64378304e-03
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4,914 | 4,915 | There's 4 and a half inches of light snow outside ...or as most the men on Tinder would have me believe, 8 inches and really thick. | [ 7.75297731e-03 1.04522193e-02 1.01403989e-01 2.11826526e-02
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4,915 | 4,916 | Current beard: Outdoor woodsman Current body: Indoor couchman | [ 4.24769148e-02 6.79378361e-02 6.27833158e-02 1.36608584e-02
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4,916 | 4,917 | "The holocaust didn't happen, Buzz Aldrin did 9/11 & I wear my mom's panties." - guy who doesn't know how to play 2 Truths & a Lie | [-1.82047521e-03 3.24804671e-02 3.87310162e-02 3.15046236e-02
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4,917 | 4,918 | A photon checks into a hotel... A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. "No thanks, I'm traveling light." | [ 3.03852055e-02 2.70762835e-02 -2.06392035e-02 1.07931092e-01
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4,918 | 4,919 | How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? DO IT YOURSELF YOU FILTHY MAN! | [ 5.92417680e-02 -3.89158837e-02 -4.43359241e-02 4.56283204e-02
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4,919 | 4,920 | Never go shopping on an empty stomach, I just went to Macy's before dinner and ate 7 turtle necks | [ 5.21668866e-02 4.58742380e-02 5.91469638e-04 6.75301179e-02
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4,920 | 4,921 | What Pixar movie will Rick Astley never let you borrow? He's never gonna give you Up! Credit to my friend who doesn't even Reddit. | [-1.40068054e-01 -9.76109225e-03 -3.27102803e-02 -5.72689204e-03
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4,921 | 4,922 | Am I financially wealthy? No. But am I rich when it comes to relationships, happiness, and experiences? Still no. | [ 5.58757074e-02 3.73855904e-02 -1.47112170e-02 9.16060805e-02
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4,922 | 4,923 | Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.. Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex right there and then. God, I love my new Taser... | [ 3.80199635e-03 -2.85668112e-03 1.09357931e-01 4.86379117e-02
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4,923 | 4,924 | My friends bakery had burned down yesterday Now his business is toast. | [ 6.84454441e-02 5.09930775e-02 4.40892763e-02 -3.37250941e-02
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4,924 | 4,925 | I let a blind man borrow some money the other day He said he'll pay me back the next time he saw me | [-6.35438412e-02 5.43614067e-02 2.44422089e-02 5.65821379e-02
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4,925 | 4,926 | Ugh. "What's wrong honey?" My bad knee is acting up again. *knee robs a gas station* | [-3.67564447e-02 3.33338752e-02 1.11331362e-02 2.02324223e-02
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4,926 | 4,927 | How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. ............. JK rolling! | [-5.22250496e-02 7.11321533e-02 1.34766679e-02 4.44550738e-02
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4,927 | 4,928 | Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh. - *My little brother told me this one; hit me with a little bit of nostalgia.* | [ 1.18044820e-02 8.76645967e-02 1.22107500e-02 -1.30376266e-02
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4,928 | 4,929 | You know it's a crazy party when the toilets smell less of puke than the dancefloor. | [ 9.32780728e-02 -4.64523509e-02 2.97200978e-02 -9.21299215e-03
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4,929 | 4,930 | Why do elephants have four feet? Because six inches would look silly. | [ 2.90437471e-02 7.93459713e-02 6.37295991e-02 2.36910721e-03
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4,930 | 4,931 | What's the difference between dark matter and Black Lives Matter? Dark matter has the capacity to leave an impact on a system | [ 1.93111692e-02 1.08882030e-02 -9.61532444e-02 7.31126368e-02
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4,931 | 4,932 | Kid Rock must be an Adult Rock by now. | [-5.70896361e-03 3.35660838e-02 7.27128386e-02 1.21644167e-02
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4,932 | 4,933 | How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? The bitch can suck my dick in the dark for all I care.... | [ 5.63997328e-02 -6.45288974e-02 -4.70755510e-02 6.73314780e-02
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4,933 | 4,934 | Hardcore I've just changed my first nappy. My wife doesn't like me wearing them but since I bought Call of Duty it means I get more game time. | [-3.43266055e-02 -1.37576247e-02 -3.72388400e-03 -5.99736581e-03
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4,934 | 4,935 | I like my slaves how I like my coffee Free | [-8.76600146e-02 3.93468514e-02 4.33965884e-02 4.03766558e-02
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4,935 | 4,936 | I broke my arm in a couple places; know what the doctor said? "Stay out of those places!" | [ 4.54035513e-02 5.41082136e-02 8.97876099e-02 5.51503263e-02
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4,936 | 4,937 | Lit a few candles after my power went out last night. My cat has been scared shitless ever since. Ever since I put the pussy on the chain wax | [ 7.39774555e-02 3.64212357e-02 9.90805328e-02 9.47621241e-02
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4,937 | 4,938 | CAT: mew ME: indeed, u are correct kitty CAT: mew ME: well said, kitty, well said FRIEND I FORGOT WAS THERE: are u ok...? Emotionally? | [ 8.60491693e-02 5.64124472e-02 5.84865808e-02 1.31649196e-01
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4,938 | 4,939 | Why did the chicken cross the road? **To kill its self** This is no joke **#CHICKENLIVESMATTER** | [ 1.14001276e-03 -1.50788547e-02 1.08966623e-02 1.02158068e-02
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4,939 | 4,940 | What kind of modeling clay does a dog use? Fi-Do! | [-3.95238437e-02 -4.81637307e-02 1.24280594e-01 -2.07638877e-05
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4,940 | 4,941 | You can lead a human to knowledge.... but you can't make them think. | [ 7.04350173e-02 2.00991407e-02 -5.09325303e-02 -4.29567462e-03
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4,941 | 4,942 | Pretty unfair that sharks get a whole week and vampires only get a weekend. | [-1.91059019e-02 1.21924235e-02 5.79130910e-02 4.94943112e-02
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4,942 | 4,943 | To help me get to sleep I'm counting miners. | [ 2.36804616e-02 1.91752857e-03 -1.29065579e-02 9.89665091e-02
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4,943 | 4,944 | How does a physicist milk a cow? First, he assumes the cow is a sphere. | [-6.94586942e-03 -6.79510683e-02 9.83883534e-03 6.70687556e-02
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4,944 | 4,945 | I need to know how to swim in pussy... ...cause im drowning in it | [ 4.10419144e-02 -5.87544963e-02 1.86509620e-02 5.24671376e-03
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4,945 | 4,946 | I've had enough of this shit. I thought to myself as i sat on the toilet for 3 hours. | [ 5.54598719e-02 -3.80658209e-02 3.49850208e-02 -7.66549166e-03
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4,946 | 4,947 | Did you see the story about the missing dolphin? I'd tell you more about it but there's really no porpoise... | [ 3.24590728e-02 8.68970063e-03 4.58177961e-02 4.24969643e-02
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4,947 | 4,948 | I try to fill the void in my life with food... But it always goes to shit. | [ 2.08512954e-02 -5.80571555e-02 5.84670082e-02 6.29499853e-02
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4,948 | 4,949 | The reason you can't go back after going black is because none of them have a car to take you back or a job to buy gas. | [ 2.82018967e-02 -6.74146460e-03 6.85762754e-03 8.51263627e-02
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4,949 | 4,950 | [CIA] -We need you to kill the leader of Russia. "I'll be Putin a bullet in his head. Carl Marx my words!" -Alright! Who invited PunMan?! | [-1.76927429e-02 3.11494041e-02 -6.89284429e-02 1.05997557e-02
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4,950 | 4,951 | I'd probably be, like, 5% cooler if I wasn't terrified of being on a moving skateboard. | [ 7.70362541e-02 -1.01413801e-01 3.08841560e-03 7.69784302e-02
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4,951 | 4,952 | I'm so hungry I could eat this piece of paper. *adds salt to resume* | [-1.34584874e-01 4.24561836e-02 5.92123531e-02 3.32353301e-02
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4,952 | 4,953 | s/o to the fact that ketchup is a smoothie b/c tomatoes are fruits lol DIDNT SEE THAT ONE COMING DID U FRIES OMNOMNOM | [-4.63320948e-02 -2.73554605e-02 1.33029502e-02 -9.45535209e-03
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4,953 | 4,954 | What did the pirate tell his littler sister when she asked if she could hold his parrot? ISIS | [ 4.09370735e-02 1.66566923e-01 -3.02144550e-02 -1.98211204e-02
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4,954 | 4,955 | Relationships are easy as pie! *burns pie* | [-2.85327667e-03 3.98265123e-02 3.81674804e-02 3.54069248e-02
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4,955 | 4,956 | Circumcisions are painful. When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year | [ 1.23166312e-02 3.96242812e-02 4.31278870e-02 8.84147733e-02
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4,956 | 4,957 | The wife & I fought last night. Saying things that can't be taken back. Like perishable goods. Baby food. DVDs with broken seals. Underwear. | [-6.46335781e-02 1.02731243e-01 5.68493381e-02 7.15732053e-02
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4,957 | 4,958 | Bad Joke You: Can you believe they're still together after all that crap Friend: Who? You: My butt cheeks! | [-8.36467221e-02 -6.71959221e-02 4.03945968e-02 -8.35600588e-03
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4,958 | 4,959 | I've just received my 14th Christmas card from the Alzheimer's Society. | [-5.62314354e-02 9.49460715e-02 7.59096304e-03 -9.73789953e-03
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4,959 | 4,960 | Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station on the other side! *bum bum chi* | [ 1.69834625e-02 1.32038862e-01 4.95950878e-02 5.02780303e-02
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4,960 | 4,961 | I walked a girl down into the dark woods. She said it's very scary. I said how do you think i feel i have to walk back alone.. | [ 4.39134203e-02 -5.51185086e-02 4.99367341e-02 1.34795800e-01
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4,961 | 4,962 | A gorilla was shot I was playing pokemon go and the next thing i knew , a gorilla was dragging me around wtf mom | [-5.57642467e-02 2.65404154e-02 4.23109196e-02 6.64210171e-02
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4,962 | 4,963 | [first date] ME: one of my biggest pet peeves is people who think the world revolves around them MY DATE, WHO IS THE SUN: i see | [ 3.16731408e-02 2.64873803e-02 1.03957064e-01 4.46462221e-02
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4,963 | 4,964 | Lady:(standing in the middle of a busy street) Officer can you tell me how to get to the Hospital? Officer: Just stand where you are!!! | [ 1.3872673e-02 2.7306063e-02 3.3607785e-02 3.4464445e-02
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4,964 | 4,965 | One day ISIS is going to screw up and accidentally hit 'add your location' to a tweet. | [ 1.02222502e-01 1.01506123e-02 5.30604497e-02 -5.48060890e-03
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4,965 | 4,966 | Did you hear 50 Cent was selling concert tickets for just $0.45 cents?! It was featuring nickleback... | [ 2.64512748e-02 2.99671330e-02 2.30827257e-02 -1.92483105e-02
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4,966 | 4,967 | I just met a girl with 12 nipples... Sounds pretty freaky, *dozen tit.* | [ 2.17426028e-02 -5.96479401e-02 2.04723678e-03 -3.19402069e-02
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4,967 | 4,968 | Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the shit out of each other for a $10 crockpot. | [ 7.71126971e-02 8.56570080e-02 5.05021363e-02 -4.24357643e-03
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4,968 | 4,969 | So many people on Facebook "Like" everything but grammar. | [-6.02878304e-03 -1.44105451e-02 2.67050136e-02 1.07946703e-02
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4,969 | 4,970 | If We Elect Donald Trump President. | [-5.01982495e-02 2.52669840e-03 8.34601074e-02 -5.19217774e-02
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4,970 | 4,971 | What's everyone doing for Seis de Mayo? | [-2.14713020e-03 5.63963056e-02 1.14696614e-01 -5.34321815e-02
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4,971 | 4,972 | To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run | [-5.60209677e-02 1.53089359e-01 5.21148380e-04 7.18256459e-02
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4,972 | 4,973 | How I feel when watching youtube... I dont mind the buffer ... I dont mind the adds... But when the ads buffer... I suffer | [-1.11615483e-03 -1.09857328e-01 -4.48083365e-03 -4.54151258e-02
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4,973 | 4,974 | Anyone know how long we are supposed to "Shake It Off"? Taylor never specified and frankly I'm exhausted! | [ 3.44557017e-02 -4.30248380e-02 7.90561959e-02 1.57753471e-02
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4,974 | 4,975 | How come I need a complex, indecipherable password to get on Twitter but only a 4-digit number to remove all my money from an ATM? | [-2.27370486e-03 -5.61422715e-03 -3.20199393e-02 -8.67253542e-02
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4,975 | 4,976 | Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed razor blade? She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift. | [-1.83655582e-02 4.88379858e-02 -9.05683904e-04 3.59584801e-02
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4,976 | 4,977 | I want my tombstone to read "Free WiFi" so people would visit more often | [-1.35774482e-02 -2.53046080e-02 2.09074002e-02 -4.82647456e-02
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4,977 | 4,978 | "Describe yourself in 4 words." Bad at counting. | [ 8.55833590e-02 6.06056936e-02 1.35070458e-02 4.46437746e-02
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4,978 | 4,979 | What does Mexican binary code consist of? Zeros and Juans. | [-2.92961877e-02 9.31639299e-02 -1.06716014e-01 1.43969208e-02
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4,979 | 4,980 | I broke up with my penis, so I wrote a song... Called "So Long". | [-2.53152312e-03 -4.65560425e-03 8.11387971e-02 4.48608771e-02
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4,980 | 4,981 | Women who say, "Awwww..." after everything they hear are quite possibly the most annoying assholes on the planet. | [ 4.65405062e-02 -1.24758910e-02 9.08290967e-03 3.84410247e-02
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4,981 | 4,982 | I once lived opposite a slaughterhouse. The view from my bedroom was offal. | [ 7.12883696e-02 3.22485641e-02 1.71648450e-02 6.13665283e-02
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4,982 | 4,983 | Why were the yearbook students expelled? They shot the whole school. | [-1.52048736e-03 1.23062305e-01 3.77642028e-02 3.54084708e-02
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4,983 | 4,984 | Women are like sand. The deeper you go, the wetter they get. | [ 2.46862732e-02 -5.93710840e-02 1.10977069e-01 4.09265272e-02
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4,984 | 4,985 | God hates fags He prefers a nice, fat, dank blunt. | [ 2.97704767e-02 3.49847716e-04 6.08435124e-02 4.95493673e-02
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4,985 | 4,986 | Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling? They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth. | [ 4.64253500e-02 7.35336766e-02 2.97132861e-02 -1.99372843e-02
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4,986 | 4,987 | Why are you being weird about how we made eye contact and both smiled and then I took the form of an actual bat and chased you for 11 miles | [ 1.09401217e-03 5.10462038e-02 3.77083570e-02 3.86427902e-02
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4,987 | 4,988 | Nascar Rain I think if NASCAR would quit being sponsored by the movie Noah we wouldn't have so much rain on race day :) | [-6.64940327e-02 3.54358703e-02 1.11184165e-01 1.97548121e-02
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4,988 | 4,989 | How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife? | [-2.39336994e-02 6.91336812e-03 1.00175980e-02 2.05138493e-02
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4,989 | 4,990 | "Choas Theory"-themed restaurant: Eating Disorder | [ 6.25425428e-02 -4.15001512e-02 4.27221581e-02 9.05862004e-02
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4,990 | 4,991 | replace the chair in the Oval Office w/slightly bigger chair every day for next 4 yrs til trump looks tiny + his feet don't touch the ground | [ 6.78413659e-02 6.21367544e-02 1.14545949e-01 -2.04880573e-02
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4,991 | 4,992 | My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that. | [ 1.17823100e-02 9.73393992e-02 1.75002124e-02 -1.43903513e-02
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4,992 | 4,993 | What did the ruler gain a reputation for while campaigning? Straight talk. | [-4.53630909e-02 2.08988246e-02 -4.56621964e-03 -2.36668848e-02
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4,993 | 4,994 | I become instantly beautiful when I put on my sunglasses. -Every girl, ever. | [-2.71874871e-02 -1.76295824e-02 7.69966245e-02 5.42045273e-02
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4,994 | 4,995 | Why are people leaving the Ukraine? I don't know but they sure are Russian. | [ 6.02734499e-02 -2.98563112e-02 5.64366393e-02 4.41536047e-02
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4,995 | 4,996 | What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved? Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple.... | [-3.78148854e-02 5.63022159e-02 5.10262623e-02 2.07840595e-02
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4,996 | 4,997 | What did the Dalai Lama say to the guy in the kebab shop? "Make me one with everything." | [-7.15926364e-02 1.23593248e-01 3.61922905e-02 2.56536286e-02
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4,997 | 4,998 | Sucks that these Crest strips only come in white | [ 2.82127094e-02 7.61984102e-03 1.16010197e-03 -6.04604557e-03
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4,998 | 4,999 | I don't like Jewish jokes. Anne Frankly I won't stand them. | [ 3.34832035e-02 3.63697447e-02 2.06303643e-03 -9.88770698e-05
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4,999 | 5,000 | I like my cigarettes like my Instagram. \#nofilter Edit: learned formatting | [-4.87566590e-02 8.51143077e-02 3.46734598e-02 4.14219685e-03
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2.20201607e-03 4.68102805e-02 4.78606150e-02 4.03290652e-02
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8.07585716e-02 1.35640144e-01 5.10847494e-02 -1.50185486e-03
4.27478598e-03 1.57169309e-02 -1.15963772e-01 -1.76924635e-02
1.50655238e-02 -4.82118577e-02 -6.93163350e-02 -8.75081643e-02
6.66894438e-03 -4.79530543e-03 -1.88654326e-02 -1.06920712e-02
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7.09893256e-02 1.62148159e-02 4.08932306e-02 -6.69988096e-02
2.43901950e-03 6.88618720e-02 7.39443749e-02 3.51284556e-02
1.75456300e-01 -1.03088515e-02 2.39367085e-03 5.95741812e-03] |
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