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1,400 | 1,401 | A man got arrested for assaulting someone with a defibrillator. The victim said that he was gonna press charges. | [-1.11939013e-01 6.57922402e-02 1.90157036e-03 6.74642622e-02
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1,401 | 1,402 | How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles | [ 8.66440940e-04 -2.97906268e-02 2.21354421e-02 2.01610122e-02
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1,402 | 1,403 | Me: Take this My Uber passenger: *holds gun in blood soaked car* WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me "Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon" | [ 8.03794898e-03 1.10227741e-01 -5.70683461e-03 -3.08248289e-02
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1,403 | 1,404 | Tater Tots is a much better name than the original Crispy Potato Embryos. | [-3.73920612e-02 -8.88269320e-02 -4.81412001e-02 -3.21996994e-02
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1,404 | 1,405 | I can't believe that those two are still together after all that shit... | [-3.24995257e-02 -6.31653965e-02 1.52810374e-02 -5.53962179e-02
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1,405 | 1,406 | Have you ever smelled moth balls? Yes? How'd you get their little legs apart? (Courtesy of my dad. Who laughed about this for 30 minutes.) | [ 1.72432791e-02 6.39082789e-02 3.53383436e-03 8.36277101e-03
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1,406 | 1,407 | I have a joke about couches But it's sofa-cking terrible. You don't want to hear it. | [ 7.70983249e-02 -1.04530573e-01 -1.67107815e-03 4.71363105e-02
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1,407 | 1,408 | What's the deal with Drake, first he was an actor now a rapper? Must have been all degrassi was smoking. I'll let myself out. | [ 6.62305951e-02 -4.84370217e-02 6.54939115e-02 -7.81741645e-03
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1,408 | 1,409 | After 10 missed calls in a row, I'm tempted to answer the phone just so I can find out who wants to be murdered. | [-7.17315227e-02 1.63632836e-02 6.71575731e-03 -3.57344896e-02
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1,409 | 1,410 | My friend peed on the floor so he can come into my room. I looked over at him and told him "You're in" | [ 7.45158717e-02 3.82714607e-02 -1.36476997e-02 -3.48951994e-06
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1,410 | 1,411 | Why couldn't the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter? Because it was too Win+D | [-2.58105109e-03 1.87901959e-01 4.45505418e-02 8.18553288e-03
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1,411 | 1,412 | Say what you want about pedophiles At least they go the speed limit in school zones.. | [ 5.61250700e-03 4.61831167e-02 1.92536991e-02 -6.00020029e-02
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1,412 | 1,413 | Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died | [-6.36139233e-03 2.67888010e-02 -4.17895131e-02 -4.08213884e-02
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1,413 | 1,414 | I get my hair cut twice a week. Mostly because I love capes. | [-2.90211421e-02 1.08180456e-02 7.09019527e-02 6.49160445e-02
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1,414 | 1,415 | Why did the milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder | [ 5.11454372e-03 -8.26994255e-02 8.36540759e-03 3.02698389e-02
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1,415 | 1,416 | "And now it's time for Guess How Many Belly Rubs I Want! Remember, contestants, guess wrong and you get the claws!" - Cat game shows | [ 6.29864912e-03 -1.01138223e-02 3.65754850e-02 -3.94289754e-03
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1,416 | 1,417 | When accused by a woman a man's first instinct is to deny. We're not lying, we're just buying time to remember what you're talking about... | [-3.12377997e-02 1.88740306e-02 3.74969002e-03 6.79225922e-02
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1,417 | 1,418 | POLICE: Sir, do you know how fast you were going? ME: Jealous much? | [ 4.01002355e-02 8.20333213e-02 -3.88110173e-04 1.48325656e-02
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1,418 | 1,419 | I'm not saying your mom is fat but she'd be worth a lot more in the UK | [ 1.20292388e-01 -5.22548631e-02 3.50603438e-03 2.29750704e-02
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1,419 | 1,420 | one time I stuck my hand in a jar of jelly beans and when I took it out all the black one stole my rings and watch | [-5.66280819e-02 6.05509020e-02 -5.36010833e-03 2.89100632e-02
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1,420 | 1,421 | Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic? He wanders through life wondering if there is a dog | [ 1.38633870e-04 -8.80559608e-02 5.06567992e-02 7.63083026e-02
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1,421 | 1,422 | What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A virgin | [ 1.91629287e-02 7.99112208e-03 -7.09996745e-02 -1.99964959e-02
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1,422 | 1,423 | When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive. | [-2.33182888e-02 3.49982530e-02 -7.00618625e-02 -2.51859482e-02
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1,423 | 1,424 | This generation sucks but does it swallow | [-2.87739607e-03 1.78879369e-02 3.69145349e-02 -4.24847379e-02
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1,424 | 1,425 | What type of train gets fat? A chew chew train... | [-2.91626770e-02 -4.10642140e-02 2.09676120e-02 1.39270604e-01
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1,427 | 1,428 | To spice things up in the bedroom, I have my wife dress up as a pizza boy. Then, I have her put the pizza on the counter and then leave. | [-5.84043749e-02 4.24528420e-02 3.73736184e-05 5.05553298e-02
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1,428 | 1,429 | I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion. | [ 3.60936821e-02 4.13811505e-02 4.73305024e-02 5.98779805e-02
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1,429 | 1,430 | Did you hear about the guy that shits out jars? He's a real glasshole, that guy | [ 2.92947628e-02 2.27458403e-02 -6.90729357e-03 -3.17213871e-02
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1,430 | 1,431 | What's the difference between a piano, a tuna fish, and a pot of glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna. ... What about the pot of glue? I knew you'd get stuck. | [-4.99813147e-02 -5.53419627e-02 4.63354178e-02 -4.54828478e-02
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1,431 | 1,432 | What is Red and Smells like Blue Paint? Red Paint | [-1.70513056e-02 1.08071025e-02 -8.12141038e-03 -1.24936951e-02
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1,432 | 1,433 | Wanna hear a Joke about a Jump rope? Nah, let's just skip it. | [-5.27820364e-02 3.70810926e-03 1.19726760e-02 4.01912890e-02
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1,433 | 1,434 | Your selfie would be way better if you weren't in it. | [ 4.28759381e-02 3.10677066e-02 5.76480404e-02 -2.10909937e-02
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1,434 | 1,435 | My wife once told me that she ingested fecal matter while in the womb I like to give her crap about it. | [ 2.19697971e-02 -1.12823574e-02 -3.14220078e-02 1.23399682e-01
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1,435 | 1,436 | Why did the junkie walk into the pet store? To buy some quack croakaine! | [-2.87315212e-02 7.61606991e-02 3.53166498e-02 1.88804455e-02
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1,436 | 1,437 | I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch. | [ 4.61352952e-02 3.37762758e-02 -4.87826252e-03 8.39979574e-02
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1,437 | 1,438 | TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead | [ 2.22288184e-02 -3.27412272e-05 -1.84190907e-02 5.43114692e-02
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1,438 | 1,439 | If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she's practising for her next selfie | [ 1.66457165e-02 -5.84082603e-02 4.87929918e-02 1.22074233e-02
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1,439 | 1,440 | *Passing the same coworker in the hallway more than once: Don't look at me, I already said "Hi" to you. | [ 2.58672144e-03 6.12668768e-02 5.03267646e-02 -3.59392934e-03
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1,440 | 1,441 | I met this amazing girl while speed dating. We stayed up all night and day just talking and giggling and I guess speed will do that to you. | [-2.54908088e-03 -4.28319983e-02 5.89304902e-02 1.35239549e-02
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1,441 | 1,442 | What blood type does a man with bad spelling have? Typo | [ 9.27506760e-03 1.97988432e-02 -8.66242591e-03 2.98835672e-02
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1,442 | 1,443 | How do you know if an Italian person is mute? When you see he has no hands. | [ 1.02622667e-02 -4.06468771e-02 8.04699212e-03 -4.11787555e-02
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1,443 | 1,444 | Congratulations, "journalists" who tell celebrity gossip for a living. I didn't know you could get a degree in teenage girl. | [ 1.04165561e-02 2.42593847e-02 2.08490379e-02 4.38172929e-02
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1,444 | 1,445 | What did the cholo say when two houses fell on top of him? Get off me homes! | [ 2.04473119e-02 3.18770818e-02 6.52268082e-02 5.64404018e-02
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1,445 | 1,446 | This hasn't helped my bull get any sleep at all. In fact, the closer I get to him with the bulldozer, the more agitated he gets. | [ 7.95885473e-02 1.09586380e-02 4.75558192e-02 1.33328021e-01
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1,446 | 1,447 | For those who don't speak Spanish: "Cinco de Mayo" means "hold the mayo." | [ 1.56159690e-02 1.94149110e-02 5.36843017e-02 -1.65334120e-02
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1,447 | 1,448 | What's the difference between broccoli and a booger ? little kids won't eat broccoli . | [ 3.73202153e-02 -5.73336184e-02 -7.40854219e-02 6.95026666e-02
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1,448 | 1,449 | if ignorance is bliss then racists must feel like they're always on heroin. | [ 5.28618246e-02 5.51448725e-02 -1.68944970e-02 1.17669895e-01
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1,449 | 1,450 | Why do black people have white palms? Everyone has a little good in them. | [ 5.67604303e-02 4.77242470e-02 -3.14814642e-05 1.04352608e-01
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1,450 | 1,451 | Sex is like a gas station..!! Sometime you get full service... Sometimes you gotta ask for service and sometimes you have to be happy with self service.! | [-3.68967243e-02 -2.41360702e-02 2.59911288e-02 3.25080790e-02
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1,451 | 1,452 | *pulls back your shower curtain* What did you mean by "creepy" | [ 2.79370751e-02 5.18344995e-03 1.03885017e-01 5.75393885e-02
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1,452 | 1,453 | Did you hear about the new emo website? Check it out it's www.emo.com/wrists | [-7.74043798e-02 -6.02325648e-02 6.12545609e-02 3.82319093e-02
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1,453 | 1,454 | why do scuba divers go in the water backwards? because if they go forward they would fall inside the boat. | [-1.01609891e-02 4.69701225e-03 -7.05247512e-03 1.36712790e-02
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1,454 | 1,455 | How do you make a horomone? You don't pay her. (My mom is sick. Hilarious. But sick. ) | [-5.71306981e-02 9.25057232e-02 7.27664214e-03 -3.46818119e-02
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1,455 | 1,456 | Today i made a mistake while sewing. Oops, wrong thread. | [-4.89984490e-02 3.43059562e-02 3.22769880e-02 1.79900471e-02
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1,456 | 1,457 | What did the yogi say after riding his pet llama to the ashram? Llamaste. | [-6.20037178e-03 1.23670787e-01 9.69668012e-03 -9.91923735e-03
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1,457 | 1,458 | What's the best part about a redneck family fight? The makeup sex | [-8.51822421e-02 6.13178872e-02 -1.46366945e-02 6.54167160e-02
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1,458 | 1,459 | What does FIAT stand for? Fix It Again Tony | [-4.67165820e-02 4.51589860e-02 2.40302179e-02 3.64624113e-02
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1,459 | 1,460 | Girl are you a ringtone? Because you're really annoying and just get louder when I ignore you. | [-6.45724917e-03 -4.06227633e-02 7.75583312e-02 -5.67909665e-02
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1,460 | 1,461 | So I called my friend turkey and I said to him "Turkey, la gente esta muy loca. What the cluck?" | [ 1.96004380e-02 4.35405858e-02 8.63737240e-03 4.06813249e-03
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1,461 | 1,462 | I went to Oklahoma recently ,It was pretty ok | [ 9.69455838e-02 -1.68081932e-02 7.94725046e-02 6.52427077e-02
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1,462 | 1,463 | If you need your iPhone repaired in Jerusalem, you obviously go to the Genius Bar. There, they don't serve alcohol..., ....but there's plenty of Apple Jews. | [ 5.24605662e-02 5.80562428e-02 1.22652613e-01 -6.15136884e-02
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1,463 | 1,464 | What's the difference between my ex girlfriend and ebola? At least Ebola will finish me off | [ 1.21676167e-02 -4.34703194e-02 6.32503629e-02 -6.74064532e-02
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1,464 | 1,465 | Just found out I'm willing to drive 40mph over the speed limit to prevent a PT Cruiser from passing me. | [ 2.68785711e-02 2.30307411e-02 2.63745263e-02 2.25281138e-02
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1,465 | 1,466 | Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich | [ 3.42796408e-02 -4.20900397e-02 9.95344482e-03 -9.18258354e-03
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1,466 | 1,467 | "HULK WANT LOAN." Bank: "We can't loan to people like you." "GREEN SKIN PEOPLE??" Bank: "No, people who owe 2.6M in property damage." | [-1.54494205e-02 5.69023043e-02 -1.11044012e-03 2.47675925e-02
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1,467 | 1,468 | You know the world is corrupted.... When people buy the 2015 Macbook. | [-1.98817160e-02 5.91311045e-02 1.26468197e-01 -4.73705120e-02
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1,468 | 1,469 | Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure. | [ 4.87610791e-03 -3.47817317e-02 -5.16380416e-03 7.56707462e-03
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1,469 | 1,470 | What kind of dogs will patrol the Trump wall? Border Collies! I just came up with this after not sleeping for 30+ hours. Sorry for the cheesy goodness. | [ 5.26723526e-02 6.08526217e-03 5.50194010e-02 4.87058349e-02
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1,470 | 1,471 | The scariest room in a haunted house would be filled with people you haven't seen since high school asking what you've been up to these days | [ 2.84858570e-02 3.74683999e-02 2.45885458e-02 5.19859530e-02
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1,471 | 1,472 | Horses are very contrarian... No matter what you ask them, all they say is "neigh." | [ 3.61945219e-02 2.36938000e-02 7.87146017e-02 1.82692260e-02
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1,472 | 1,473 | I just bough t a new pair of sunglasses... So anytime I make a bad pun, I'm gonna put them on and *puts on sunglasses* Look cool. | [-4.96816523e-02 -5.04927337e-02 6.55236840e-02 -2.63270121e-02
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1,473 | 1,474 | Children with gay fathers as parents, I seriously sympathize you all It's not easy growing up with twice the dad jokes. | [ 1.57129113e-02 -6.37432933e-02 -1.33604668e-02 3.61259356e-02
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1,474 | 1,475 | It was fortunate that Hillary had a moderator Lester temper get out of hand. | [-3.25846523e-02 5.53552620e-02 2.62298770e-02 8.92939791e-02
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1,475 | 1,476 | Why do Native Americans wear jock straps? TOTEM POLE | [ 2.91650705e-02 9.17417035e-02 8.81893560e-03 3.33550610e-02
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1,476 | 1,477 | wish I never spent that $20 my grandma gave me when I was 12, I could really use it right now | [-2.60993782e-02 1.52822644e-01 1.59950107e-02 2.00568829e-02
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1,477 | 1,478 | What did the Ice Cream say to the Birthday Girl? Go 'head girl, it's sherbert day | [-1.31923566e-02 3.87894586e-02 1.54287908e-02 2.92263869e-02
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1,478 | 1,479 | What's Hitlers favorite Pokemon? NEIN-Tails. | [-6.75773025e-02 6.27527535e-02 -2.93176807e-02 1.01368129e-02
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1,479 | 1,480 | Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I live across the street from a KFC. | [ 3.89565490e-02 -1.97516531e-02 2.52094734e-02 5.81646264e-02
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1,480 | 1,481 | Dear clear high heels, Thank you for helping me figure out who's a stripper and who's not. | [-3.70274633e-02 -2.88287587e-02 3.40372361e-02 -3.37362178e-02
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1,481 | 1,482 | Make it a Great Friday by not getting nailed to a cross. | [ 1.49900478e-03 1.14628009e-01 4.74129468e-02 -5.73323481e-02
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1,482 | 1,483 | netflix First comes netflix then comes chill next comes babby because mommy forgot the pill | [-5.48966080e-02 -1.29957557e-01 -7.10064247e-02 4.28097770e-02
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1,483 | 1,484 | What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist. | [-5.52820489e-02 -1.99209177e-03 1.04494423e-01 -4.21218621e-03
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1,484 | 1,485 | My niece was fired from the chicken farm today She was caught poaching eggs | [ 1.73403067e-03 4.90553491e-02 -1.33189429e-02 -3.28990705e-02
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1,485 | 1,486 | How do like really laid-back types answer the phone? Mellow. | [-3.06819659e-02 -1.01022441e-02 1.23626575e-01 4.43720892e-02
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1,486 | 1,487 | I was going to grease my mechanic's hand with a $20 bill for the phenomenal job he did but ... he already overcharged me by $200. | [-1.01913854e-01 8.29980895e-02 5.88639788e-02 3.57452370e-02
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1,487 | 1,488 | Wanna meet Santa's little helper? | [-1.78963989e-02 5.33814691e-02 6.15143403e-03 1.91300418e-02
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1,488 | 1,489 | Did you know you are supposed to pull anal beads out slowly? I didn't... I started the wife up like a f*cking chainsaw. | [ 3.38543952e-02 -3.57265212e-02 2.59902105e-02 8.45485777e-02
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1,489 | 1,490 | [time traveler returns home to 1881] guys i forgot to grab the cure for malaria but here's some...DORITOS LOCOS TACOS [loud cheering] | [-4.74044830e-02 5.42473868e-02 5.83181046e-02 -3.58818695e-02
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1,490 | 1,491 | What do a horny ornithologist and a Na'vi buff have in common? They both get turned on by blue tits. | [-1.01114139e-02 -1.40605699e-02 1.94328204e-02 -3.92835075e-03
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1,491 | 1,492 | What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic! | [ 1.10084035e-01 3.85731831e-02 -7.04188421e-02 7.25447237e-02
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1,492 | 1,493 | A UDP packet walks into a I would tell you another UDP joke but you might not get it. | [-5.55372387e-02 -1.72712300e-02 3.54834273e-02 -1.03213927e-02
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1,493 | 1,494 | I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer. | [-3.26228887e-02 3.47761028e-02 4.67257760e-02 4.75215651e-02
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1,494 | 1,495 | [NSFW] Why did the priest cum on the little boy's face twice? Because Jesus said to turn the other cheek | [-4.06062454e-02 1.08987749e-01 1.08531155e-02 -1.19766407e-02
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1,495 | 1,496 | What's the difference? What's the difference between a midget acrobatic team and a girls track team? The midgets are a bunch of cunning runts. | [-2.84740534e-02 -3.83415259e-02 -7.16108782e-03 1.30350888e-02
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1,496 | 1,497 | "I just love a girl in uniform" Appropriate on the battlefield, but not at your local schoolyard. | [-8.80384538e-03 1.03149772e-01 6.86174631e-02 -7.08739236e-02
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1,497 | 1,498 | Why can't gay people drive while they're aroused? Because they can't think straight. | [ 1.09821036e-01 -6.85997009e-02 1.04578799e-02 4.25325781e-02
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1,498 | 1,499 | What do you call an orc's wolf with particularly short legs? A Worgi | [-2.75799949e-02 9.01255459e-02 1.74098462e-02 6.34874851e-02
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1,499 | 1,500 | If you see a glass as half empty, pour it into a smaller glass. | [ 1.11969374e-01 3.77569273e-02 2.52759941e-02 2.63866857e-02
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1.57864857e-02 1.76772736e-02 -4.32276502e-02 -1.93895809e-02
8.77682958e-03 -3.86950746e-02 1.06136620e-01 1.64095126e-02
5.79860769e-02 2.26295963e-02 -1.02089763e-01 -3.59088108e-02
7.65328929e-02 -2.98433099e-03 2.42223199e-02 2.65352055e-02
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3.77989858e-02 3.75627279e-02 -3.13714496e-03 -7.54865184e-02
2.68580653e-02 3.79300639e-02 -1.10221922e-01 3.96246426e-02
2.98405346e-02 1.47386938e-01 3.40051483e-03 -1.21183721e-02] |
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