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1,300 | 1,301 | Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses the finest ingredients, *asshole*. | [ 4.81809564e-02 -8.64926055e-02 7.45093375e-02 2.05131453e-02
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1,301 | 1,302 | HOT SINGLES NEAR YOU BURNING SINGLES NEAR YOU 1ST DEGREE BURNED SINGLES NEAR YOU DEAD SINGLES NEAR YOU WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP | [ 5.64258397e-02 -6.88014459e-03 2.37731542e-02 7.59906322e-02
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1,302 | 1,303 | Waiter is there soup on the menu ? No madam I wiped it off ! | [-6.56425357e-02 2.81245261e-02 7.05520213e-02 2.24715378e-02
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1,303 | 1,304 | Please don't put a coin on my mouth when I die; I plan to wander the shores of the River Styx for 100 years & finally get that bikini body. | [-8.77112336e-03 9.22826231e-02 1.21570909e-02 -3.28880064e-02
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1,304 | 1,305 | You know you're too drunk to drive when... The tree you swerved for is actually the air-freshener. | [ 6.82408065e-02 2.17092782e-02 5.74395135e-02 1.27446994e-01
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1,305 | 1,306 | Why are the labia on Japanese women oriented sideways instead of vertically? Goes better with their eyes. | [ 2.52179317e-02 1.94310024e-02 4.70792502e-02 -2.53540301e-03
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1,306 | 1,307 | When your 3yo spits a chewed up wad of cheese into your hand and you're like "where did you find this, I didn't give you any cheese today?" | [-2.44079474e-02 -5.35500571e-02 1.06510594e-02 3.81008647e-02
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1,307 | 1,308 | I See your 7 year old jokes and I raise my own, What do you get when you cross the ocean with a Train Station? A Whale Way | [-4.57780734e-02 2.55480167e-02 6.30233288e-02 9.84469131e-02
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1,308 | 1,309 | Why was the band late to their gig? Because the drummer locked himself in the car with the keys. | [-1.28706498e-03 5.20770289e-02 4.39424627e-02 -2.49459706e-02
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1,309 | 1,310 | After a dream I had last night, credits rolled. I had no idea so many people worked on those things. | [-3.97618413e-02 1.13657070e-02 4.74287234e-02 -1.45923197e-02
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1,310 | 1,311 | Cop: "Can you describe the person who robbed you?" Me: "He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee" | [-2.34903730e-02 1.75723299e-01 -2.10719500e-02 4.92851175e-02
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1,311 | 1,312 | A guy walked up to my bar. He said, "Can I have a stiff drink?" "Of course," I replied, cracking some Viagra pills into his whiskey. | [-6.67077154e-02 -2.07836889e-02 -3.43689211e-02 9.98232067e-02
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1,312 | 1,313 | The new fun way to tell if a celebrity is crazy is by how many times they delete and reactivate their Twitter account. | [ 1.86960679e-02 -1.12739265e-01 -1.13480045e-02 -1.26653323e-02
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1,313 | 1,314 | remember: knives and alcohol don't mix. knives are solid they don't mix with anything. why where you trying to drink a knife anyways idiot | [ 5.06813377e-02 -1.09242782e-01 -1.75804757e-02 4.78422903e-02
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1,314 | 1,315 | Tourist in America I was going to take my wife to visit all the sites where they protested the police shooting of innocent black men. But i've only got 6 months...plus community service. | [ 8.01068246e-02 -4.41676117e-02 8.45922157e-03 1.05551574e-02
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1,315 | 1,316 | Why do felines always win board games? Because they are cheetahs. | [ 8.24775398e-02 4.08074865e-03 1.35766659e-02 -2.29440350e-02
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1,316 | 1,317 | Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN? A: Because she didn't know which one came first! | [-5.53379282e-02 -2.82760896e-02 6.00445345e-02 1.32554141e-03
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1,317 | 1,318 | What did the sardine call the submarine ? A can of people ! | [-7.93997347e-02 6.62550330e-02 -4.02341895e-02 3.85536738e-02
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1,318 | 1,319 | We could hit every terrorist on the Most Wanted List tomorrow, if we turned it over to Google's ad department. | [-6.01645149e-02 -2.02954318e-02 7.89349526e-03 -2.43698806e-02
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1,319 | 1,320 | A Jewish girl.. ..asks her father, "Dad? Can I have 50 dollars?" he says, "40 dollars? What do you need 30 dollars for?" | [ 1.78435221e-02 1.39416888e-01 -3.22449021e-02 7.32322643e-03
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1,320 | 1,321 | Why does 71 like 68? Because 68 69 70. | [ 3.29836309e-02 4.80184108e-02 1.07055092e-02 7.67514780e-02
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1,321 | 1,322 | It must be Monday somewhere. | [-1.80756152e-02 -1.97158474e-03 1.31803118e-02 -1.49694681e-02
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1,322 | 1,323 | Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm. | [ 7.47120157e-02 3.93598638e-02 4.19262704e-03 3.94958518e-02
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1,323 | 1,324 | We're all born with scars. from the moment we open our eyes and look at the world we are wounded, we all share that same mark... Bellybuttons. | [ 1.61792487e-02 -3.60443257e-03 1.58139523e-02 1.01185553e-01
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1,324 | 1,325 | How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb... It's quite an obscure number you probably would not have heard of it. | [ 6.48939013e-02 -2.39229877e-03 3.94202350e-03 2.69362442e-02
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1,325 | 1,326 | The world is becoming too politically correct You can't even say black paint anymore, instead you have to say "Lamar can you please paint the fence". | [ 2.58436855e-02 3.91097069e-02 -3.94631587e-02 -3.09050344e-02
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1,326 | 1,327 | *pulls out earbud* What? "We need to talk." *pulls out earbud* "You've been spending too much time at Chernobyl." *pulls out earbud* No way | [ 3.51928584e-02 7.53262341e-02 6.04117215e-02 2.14314908e-02
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1,327 | 1,328 | Barbie comes with GI Joe She only fakes it with Ken. Saw plenty of pregnant Barbie jokes in this sub-reddit, but not this one. | [-5.91130555e-02 -4.32939827e-02 -2.46068072e-02 6.55155443e-03
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1,328 | 1,329 | The economy is doing really bad... Its so bad that when Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they have to share a room. | [ 9.41519737e-02 -8.36180747e-02 3.90833579e-02 6.27009124e-02
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1,329 | 1,330 | What's the smartest animal on the farm? The farmer (this killed my 12yo brothers) | [ 1.55721465e-02 8.48123729e-02 -2.64663268e-02 4.92417812e-03
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1,330 | 1,331 | Why don't north Koreans listen to funk? Cos they've got no Seoul! Thank you very much. | [ 3.80871184e-02 -3.85022117e-03 3.02726235e-02 -6.36001900e-02
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1,331 | 1,332 | *LIGHTHOUSE* BATMAN - You call? L/HOUSE KEEPER - Shit, not again man. I am so sorry. BATMAN - Dead seagull on the light? LK -*Nods* | [ 2.96349917e-03 2.43272837e-02 3.05998120e-02 2.92538945e-02
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1,332 | 1,333 | I don't care if you don't like space puns. I like space puns. Comet me bro. | [ 4.24067080e-02 -8.76792073e-02 7.24102482e-02 -3.05278623e-03
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1,333 | 1,334 | What did one deer say to the other after leaving the bar? I can't believe you just blew 50 bucks in there | [-6.06199764e-02 9.18807834e-02 2.72539537e-02 2.67948136e-02
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1,336 | 1,337 | How do mathematicians count x-men? Permutations. | [ 6.54094443e-02 -2.30600126e-02 4.16518608e-03 -3.70488800e-02
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1,337 | 1,338 | My necrophiliac girlfriend told me I was dead to her. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. | [-5.13784625e-02 1.26483450e-02 4.66449797e-04 6.28533363e-02
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1,338 | 1,339 | How many egoists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They simply hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them. | [ 5.63231371e-02 1.59173692e-03 2.04973351e-02 4.12950255e-02
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1,339 | 1,340 | I'm Winston Wolf, I fix problems. So I hear you're having a bad hair day. | [-5.56738116e-02 2.13964935e-02 1.17489561e-01 5.68423346e-02
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1,340 | 1,341 | What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? [NSFW] I wouldn't pay five hundred dollars to have a lentil on my face. | [ 5.08548366e-03 -1.07180700e-02 -1.54710282e-03 -8.22515134e-03
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1,341 | 1,342 | Monday Morning......Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off the floor is another story. | [ 2.09004730e-02 3.13543677e-02 3.45465541e-02 8.41968507e-02
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1,342 | 1,343 | What the hell is Minecraft? Hitler's lesser known, second, book about his love of knitting. | [-3.38664427e-02 5.74921556e-02 -1.83688737e-02 2.50815470e-02
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1,343 | 1,344 | Why don't women need a watch? There's a clock on the stove. | [-2.56246589e-02 -1.33803347e-03 -1.39762713e-02 8.94575417e-02
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1,344 | 1,345 | My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she's a bitch | [ 1.25232399e-01 3.21342312e-02 2.87455097e-02 -8.01790692e-03
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1,345 | 1,346 | I like my women like I like my microwaves... Cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and willing and able to kill any baby I put inside them. | [-4.63401377e-02 -3.99557641e-03 2.40505543e-02 8.04525465e-02
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1,346 | 1,347 | What did Kurt Kobain have such a terrible time in 7th grade? He was having a mid-life crisis. | [ 5.05316406e-02 6.81433082e-02 5.54560758e-02 2.77332515e-02
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1,347 | 1,348 | 8: Daddy can we go to a haunted house tonight? Me: You spent the night at Grandmas last week. 8: What? Me: Nothing. 8: I'm telling mom. | [ 3.97753939e-02 7.23152980e-02 4.06456068e-02 3.99786867e-02
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1,348 | 1,349 | What do you call a dog that is a magician? A Labara Cadabarador | [-3.28934230e-02 2.45683044e-02 -3.58103253e-02 -9.53854900e-03
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1,349 | 1,350 | What do you get when you mix triangles with Tumblr? Trigger-Nometry | [-3.25976051e-02 -4.72777374e-02 -2.86881048e-02 -2.08969321e-02
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1,350 | 1,351 | What has two eyes but can't see, two wings but can't fly, and two legs but can't walk? A dead bird. | [ 4.93126474e-02 -3.44654806e-02 -8.37751552e-02 2.71571539e-02
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1,351 | 1,352 | What did one snowman say to the other snowman? I smell carrots too. | [-9.43778232e-02 2.17574257e-02 -3.54527053e-03 4.99441996e-02
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1,352 | 1,353 | Oh, you want me to watch everything you have in less than the one-month free trial period? Challenge accepted, Netflix. | [ 1.17239803e-02 -9.63611379e-02 3.23362090e-03 -4.02734540e-02
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1,353 | 1,354 | I think my professor might not know my name. He keeps on correcting it with the word "Late" on all my papers. | [-4.66325395e-02 6.62287548e-02 2.87363473e-02 9.57900379e-03
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1,354 | 1,355 | Cutest thing I saw today was the dad angrily slamming the sliding door of his minivan but it slowed down by itself and latched silently | [ 4.35535051e-02 7.19356313e-02 2.56469417e-02 2.17554290e-02
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1,355 | 1,356 | I don't have a gf, but I do know a woman who in the car often asks where this is going so I show her the GPS & she gets mad for some reason. | [ 3.35583277e-02 -6.41253889e-02 5.96940406e-02 -6.74478859e-02
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1,358 | 1,359 | *Sneaks into men's toilets* I HEAR THERE'S CAKE IN HERE | [ 3.61490585e-02 -2.69917604e-02 1.02387890e-02 6.01327373e-03
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1,359 | 1,360 | A teacher walks into a bar Guy: can I buy you a drink? Teacher: I don't know, CAN you? | [-4.32029068e-02 8.18362385e-02 -1.90464053e-02 3.65125351e-02
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1,360 | 1,361 | When a cop pulls you over for a DUI at 2am on Friday night & tells you to walk the line-it's never good to start singing Johnny Cash songs. | [-8.19218978e-02 -8.16318486e-03 1.82257909e-02 -4.43501584e-03
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1,361 | 1,362 | A Latino shot an unarmed black man today, and everyone is in an uproar Especially the police, saying "They took our jobs!" | [-5.72526222e-03 7.25052133e-02 -6.70437217e-02 3.28873433e-02
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1,362 | 1,363 | [interview] Your resume says you have a "take no prisoners attitude". You know you are applying to be a corrections officer, right? | [-3.08279600e-02 3.81582626e-03 -4.08247225e-02 9.40347183e-03
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1,363 | 1,364 | What do you call a handful of gravel A palm-o-granite! | [ 7.22879369e-04 9.92751122e-03 3.68269868e-02 1.13252178e-02
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1,364 | 1,365 | Spider: Why don't you like us? Most us are harmless and we kill all the bugs in your house? We just want to help Humans: EW EW EW EW OMG | [-2.16675992e-03 -3.11810151e-02 2.95108780e-02 3.56019586e-02
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1,365 | 1,366 | A barbed-wire tattoo on my arm keeps my arm horses from running away | [-4.44170497e-02 9.70643535e-02 7.12991133e-02 3.07913292e-02
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1,366 | 1,367 | Let's make fake tan orange people an official race so we can discriminate against them properly. | [-1.95057951e-02 1.09336659e-01 6.37700502e-03 1.80240255e-02
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1,367 | 1,368 | Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge. | [ 2.24156845e-02 1.04954047e-03 -9.63884126e-03 -1.15075409e-02
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1,368 | 1,369 | Why was the cat afraid of the tree? Because of the tree bark. | [ 6.57866672e-02 9.65084136e-02 6.49482161e-02 1.35402977e-01
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1,369 | 1,370 | Have you seen www.quasimodo.com? I'm not sure but certainly rings a bell. | [-7.76711926e-02 -1.10313073e-01 1.44785577e-02 -5.90084167e-03
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1,370 | 1,371 | If I win this lottery I'd give half to charity She treated me well at the strip club | [-2.73007154e-02 5.79012446e-02 2.45532636e-02 -6.53946698e-02
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1,371 | 1,372 | I invented a SJW alarm clock. It not only tells you the time, it reminds you what year it is, too. | [-3.83218341e-02 7.88461119e-02 1.26110269e-02 -8.54544248e-03
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1,372 | 1,373 | A Zach Galifinakis-style "impression" joke. The character I'm working on is: MOMENTARILY CONFUSED BATMAN <husky voice>: Alfred... <regular voice>: Ahem... I mean hey Alfred | [-7.43077695e-02 3.29983607e-02 -1.15683419e-03 -1.00140907e-02
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1,373 | 1,374 | What's the difference between acetone and Hitler? One is used to remove the polish, and the other is used to remove the Polish. | [-1.00756533e-01 6.36090413e-02 -5.45353889e-02 1.39730349e-02
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1,374 | 1,375 | If two pharaohs farted at the same time They would have a toot in common | [-1.10491561e-02 3.25926244e-02 1.21165020e-02 1.57205500e-02
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1,375 | 1,376 | How did the sad clown smile and laugh again? They told him his wife died recently. | [-2.04248051e-03 2.00945828e-02 9.38044209e-03 3.78527977e-02
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1,376 | 1,377 | Two cookies were walking across the road... ... one gets hit by a car, the other one says "ah crumbs..." | [-3.36659886e-02 -1.81640182e-02 -3.86343710e-03 4.03656401e-02
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1,377 | 1,378 | What's the definition of a will? Come on guys it's a dead giveaway | [-1.01582080e-01 1.36293257e-02 -4.83729169e-02 -2.28355750e-02
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1,378 | 1,379 | What is the dumbest animal? An ignoraMOOSE | [ 2.19937544e-02 2.59205204e-04 -6.50691846e-03 8.89056101e-02
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1,379 | 1,380 | A woman in her seventies overhearing that I was a tattoo artist asked if I wanted to see her "rat" tattoo. I said sure. She revealed a bare hip and said "Oh, I guess my pussy must have ate it" | [-1.19684474e-03 5.66930808e-02 2.07337122e-02 6.12734780e-02
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1,380 | 1,381 | Don't let them fool you. Squirrels are just rats dressed in Armani. | [ 1.06802415e-02 5.56253865e-02 4.85929213e-02 4.66302931e-02
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1,381 | 1,382 | I'm in a band called Missing Cat. You've probably seen our posters. | [ 1.19395936e-02 -6.35483041e-02 6.23046653e-03 4.31208760e-02
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1,382 | 1,383 | That one. "that one." says a booy. "what do you mean?" says another boy. "oh, i was just answering your question." "what question?" "i already told you." | [-3.55225541e-02 1.44749200e-02 2.65427548e-02 1.67504186e-03
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1,383 | 1,384 | Are they "haters" or just "people who noticed that you're a dick"? Check again. | [-7.44047435e-03 -3.33959758e-02 1.84876472e-02 3.85013446e-02
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1,384 | 1,385 | What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes? A banana split! | [-2.93473676e-02 -3.81712168e-02 4.84267585e-02 1.66235045e-02
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1,385 | 1,386 | Need jokes with the same punchline as this. Help! What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick. | [ 9.17714927e-03 -2.53016595e-02 -6.40641851e-03 1.76536869e-02
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1,386 | 1,387 | A grasshopper sits at the bar... ...and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?" | [-1.11045539e-01 1.11204963e-02 -9.89703462e-03 -2.67835762e-02
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1,387 | 1,388 | Found out the difference between onions and men. I don't cry when I'm chopping up men. | [-2.97365598e-02 -2.93784291e-02 9.83097870e-03 4.20325659e-02
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1,388 | 1,389 | You wanna hear a dirty joke A horse fell in the mud. And then some crazy lesbian who hates horses put on a strap on and fucked it till it died. | [-4.45271544e-02 -2.69724168e-02 7.25871548e-02 5.54371923e-02
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1,389 | 1,390 | Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery | [-6.27263100e-04 6.03566580e-02 -8.34135059e-03 3.09041478e-02
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1,390 | 1,391 | People tell me that I'm condescending That means I talk down to people | [ 5.32876104e-02 -2.26035938e-02 7.28263557e-02 1.78625546e-02
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1,391 | 1,392 | I went to a fancy dress party as a calendar A guy came up to me and said "Your days are numbered" | [-5.46754971e-02 7.18725100e-02 5.24717569e-02 7.16250911e-02
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1,392 | 1,393 | The Unabomber What do the Unabomber and a girl from Alabama have in common? They were both fingered by their brother. | [-6.27559125e-02 -4.02403027e-02 -8.32169950e-02 6.61464557e-02
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1,393 | 1,394 | Why did the emo kid leave the bar? It was happy hour. | [ 1.63510591e-02 9.87561718e-02 1.94537863e-02 1.67331174e-02
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1,394 | 1,395 | Customer care: Your call is important to us, please hold on. Customer: *completes graduation* *gets a job* *gets married* *gets old* *dies* | [-8.25917870e-02 3.92675102e-02 4.02417891e-02 -4.72141244e-02
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1,395 | 1,396 | "i want to love you, but i have crust issues." -pizza on a date i dont know i hate myself | [-8.94672945e-02 1.28507435e-01 1.38263881e-01 3.72001901e-02
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1,396 | 1,397 | I took my family out to an authentic Vietnamese place. My wife and I had pho. The kids sewed Nikes for 14 hours and were beaten. Great pho. | [-6.27911016e-02 8.12418908e-02 4.67180200e-02 2.70773750e-02
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1,397 | 1,398 | We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots! | [-7.52230957e-02 -6.26038015e-02 2.03031069e-03 1.16123790e-02
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1,398 | 1,399 | Hide a Body? What's the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google. | [-2.77801547e-02 1.10262126e-01 1.74079891e-02 4.63404171e-02
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1,399 | 1,400 | Just found all my fan letters to Wolverine my wife "promised" she mailed stuffed behind the couch. I'm livid. | [-4.04046811e-02 -1.10457584e-01 1.12836502e-01 -6.34754775e-04
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