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1,100 | 1,101 | I blame 2 of my 3 DUIs on Jesus because I specifically told him to take the wheel | [-1.50221661e-02 6.05470762e-02 -1.03024188e-02 -3.23963054e-02
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1,101 | 1,102 | How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents. | [-3.47965322e-02 1.30799070e-01 3.94976251e-02 -2.54373979e-02
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1,102 | 1,103 | I'm pretty sick right now. You could say I'm feeling like Charles Lindbergh... Because I got the flu | [ 1.32799493e-02 -2.51469035e-02 1.32313138e-02 4.79712859e-02
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1,103 | 1,104 | What did one sick casket say to the other sick casket? Is that you, coffin? | [-7.69296708e-03 7.71885961e-02 -2.19095815e-02 -1.54399239e-02
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1,104 | 1,105 | I think it's been enough time to warrant a Star Wars spoiler... Yoda is dead | [-5.10023385e-02 -4.87717949e-02 2.28682049e-02 -8.30049887e-02
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1,105 | 1,106 | In hell, the thermostat is guarded by a bunch of dads. | [-2.78753811e-03 8.89806971e-02 -9.47190896e-02 3.14475708e-02
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1,106 | 1,107 | What's the Difference between like, love and showing off?? Spit, Swallow and Gargle | [-3.07900738e-02 -6.56400621e-02 4.45579886e-02 -2.12093419e-03
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1,107 | 1,108 | Obama says he supports gay marriage because his views have "evolved." Republicans unsure which half of the sentence to get more angry about. | [ 2.91969441e-02 1.42180780e-03 -5.40052354e-03 1.22833960e-02
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1,108 | 1,109 | Why don't black people listen to country music? Every time the hear the word hoedown they think their sister's been shot. | [ 1.34111539e-01 -1.05139855e-02 -5.81789240e-02 -6.81636762e-03
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1,109 | 1,110 | How many Freuds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb and another to hold the penis. ... ... ... Er... I mean... The ladder. | [ 2.23978888e-02 -9.76942945e-03 1.09444838e-02 5.06226942e-02
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1,110 | 1,111 | have to stop saying "how am i going to kill my way out of this one" everytime there is trouble going on, or at least not out loud | [ 7.03503564e-02 -2.52623949e-02 7.71023706e-02 -1.79970190e-02
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1,111 | 1,112 | What did the sign convention management do to the woman who kept pulling down their long signs? Banner. | [ 3.80279310e-02 9.58723575e-02 5.44077531e-02 4.53826897e-02
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1,112 | 1,113 | What's the definition of a redneck virgin? A 7 year-old girl who can run faster than her brothers. | [ 3.59076224e-02 -4.12633829e-03 -9.11445618e-02 8.36428776e-02
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1,113 | 1,114 | What did Mr. Freeze do with his wife on their first date? Netflix and chill. | [-6.42688051e-02 -6.95914477e-02 -2.39185733e-03 8.45064670e-02
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1,114 | 1,115 | do all girls make poopy? if they do, why do men get hard for them? | [ 4.40206118e-02 -9.94736403e-02 5.38332798e-02 6.95405826e-02
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1,115 | 1,116 | What do you call a black man who flies a plane? [2 part] A pilot, you racist. What do you call a Japanese man who flies a plane? A pirate. | [-1.92780104e-02 6.58865124e-02 -6.06527999e-02 4.14681844e-02
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1,116 | 1,117 | Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home I guess he's homeless. | [-7.33348820e-03 -1.89872682e-02 7.65802562e-02 4.10546288e-02
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1,117 | 1,118 | A spider the size of a golf ball is in my kitchen so I guess this is my last tweet. | [ 7.14916885e-02 5.60741918e-03 9.07089747e-03 4.14732732e-02
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1,120 | 1,121 | I loaned my cell phone to Bill Cosby Now I can't get it to wake up. | [-5.76770026e-03 6.16171435e-02 8.25162679e-02 -4.84253205e-02
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1,121 | 1,122 | What does a pirate call his idiot son? A retarrrrrd | [-7.24617317e-02 1.05552495e-01 -7.38018826e-02 -4.19576578e-02
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1,122 | 1,123 | i'm a homewrecker in the sense that i got sick out both ends in the attic and it soaked through the ceiling in 3 different rooms | [ 8.88612494e-02 6.86773732e-02 9.34628323e-02 3.00715622e-02
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1,123 | 1,124 | I just met someone who was a steam-roller operator. He was such a flatterer. | [-6.81574196e-02 1.08080590e-02 1.24381576e-02 5.53422123e-02
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1,124 | 1,125 | gave my wife a pedicure just so I could write in my diary "I nailed her...10 TIMES IN A ROW". Ha ha, jokes on you, Masculinity. | [-3.86546515e-02 7.07544088e-02 4.07594331e-02 -7.62088224e-03
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1,125 | 1,126 | As a kid I was forced to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog | [ 2.82343328e-02 7.22475648e-02 7.00032786e-02 1.07511207e-01
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1,126 | 1,127 | *experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner* | [ 1.48756290e-02 1.31690595e-02 6.05356246e-02 -2.22384417e-03
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1,127 | 1,128 | I wonder if Asian people put smileys like this ) | [-5.01253493e-02 2.36477088e-02 2.98671871e-02 5.30733801e-02
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1,129 | 1,130 | My laptop is so dumb. Every time it says "Your password is incorrect", I type in: "incorrect" and the silly thing still tells me the same thing. | [-3.24275494e-02 -4.38529812e-02 -1.63445529e-02 -6.46833796e-03
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1,130 | 1,131 | You smell like trash..... Can I take you out? | [-3.04722972e-03 5.54034933e-02 5.31319864e-02 3.59660573e-02
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1,131 | 1,132 | Was gonna go to the gym but then I checked Twitter. In 2009 | [-1.68227237e-02 -6.50401562e-02 3.51122278e-03 5.20563833e-02
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1,132 | 1,133 | What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist? Pronounce this word: unionized | [-3.58254127e-02 -7.20488131e-02 -2.19187862e-03 2.14741435e-02
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1,133 | 1,134 | Why couldn't the chameleon change colors? He had a reptile dysfunction. | [ 6.90025627e-04 9.83552635e-02 5.83033524e-02 5.38468473e-02
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1,134 | 1,135 | If women can do anything that men can do, then why haven't they ever suppressed an entire gender before? Its a joke lady's. | [ 1.90454014e-02 -1.01619284e-04 1.26806386e-02 5.94127253e-02
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1,135 | 1,136 | Just realized I follow Barack Obama and he follows me back. Excuse me while I send the leader of the free world a DM about Harry Potter. | [ 1.28178177e-02 -3.56229916e-02 7.79409856e-02 -1.50159849e-02
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1,136 | 1,137 | I saw my first porn yesterday I was so young back then.... | [ 6.52588904e-02 -5.63412905e-02 3.93045060e-02 1.50998449e-02
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1,137 | 1,138 | Never buying anything home-made on eBay again... I bought an 'Irony Detector' off of eBay, but it was broken. It detected everything *but* irony... | [ 7.25814747e-03 -5.23370169e-02 4.49292958e-02 -4.28965837e-02
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1,138 | 1,139 | What's the difference between Indiana and Reddit? In Reddit, you get served no matter who you are. | [ 2.50499658e-02 -3.21251675e-02 -9.40919109e-03 -1.31709948e-02
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1,139 | 1,140 | Person one: Do you know that joke about the no and the me neither? Person 2: No? Person 1: Me Neither. Person 1: You didnt get it? Person 2: No Person 1: Me neither | [-3.27391103e-02 2.45677643e-02 -4.58761230e-02 9.95616522e-03
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1,141 | 1,142 | How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?? A Brazilian | [ 5.55692501e-02 7.66376685e-03 -7.97750130e-02 2.64153499e-02
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1,142 | 1,143 | Leia: This is romantic Han: I know Chewie: Rwwar Leia: Does he have to be here? Han: It's a life debt. You're basically marrying us both | [-1.14820711e-02 1.09708998e-02 6.72664791e-02 2.58548055e-02
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1,143 | 1,144 | What`s the difference between chinese people and racism? Racism has many faces | [-3.30371633e-02 6.66074082e-02 -9.92524065e-03 4.05608341e-02
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1,144 | 1,145 | How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds it up and the world revolves around him. | [ 8.87235925e-02 2.56301742e-02 4.30684872e-02 -2.53783874e-02
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1,145 | 1,146 | What do you call a baby seal between two slices of bread? A clubbed sandwich | [-4.08530384e-02 -8.99948832e-03 -7.38579109e-02 -2.70845788e-03
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1,146 | 1,147 | I was dating an analog synthesizer But I had to break it off. She was just continuously variable. | [-2.04789583e-02 -3.47730331e-02 3.96980345e-02 3.37951072e-02
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1,147 | 1,148 | What Cell Phone Company does Usain Bolt use? Sprint | [-9.94419158e-02 1.30819296e-02 -1.44233210e-02 -2.06123274e-02
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1,148 | 1,149 | In god we trust Everyone else must pay cash | [-3.38101648e-02 -2.34870575e-02 -3.05629335e-02 -2.45746076e-02
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1,149 | 1,150 | Mick Jagger: Hey Keith, come hold my new baby. Keith holding baby, whispers to it: I'm going to out live you too. | [-7.94462189e-02 7.04184966e-03 2.80936416e-02 3.13578658e-02
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1,150 | 1,151 | My Wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall... I said maybe.......... | [-6.06559962e-03 -9.63056274e-03 6.61553964e-02 -4.88687046e-02
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1,151 | 1,152 | A little boy walked into a police station "I lost my daddy" says the boy. "We'll look for him son, don't worry: what's he like?" asked the officer. "Liquor and women." | [-6.54019713e-02 7.18801096e-02 -5.79023808e-02 4.17381935e-02
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1,152 | 1,153 | Find someone who can make you happy, like a doctor or pharmacist....basically anyone who has access to mood-enhancing drugs. | [ 1.49793439e-02 -1.18389656e-03 1.28512140e-02 5.86641952e-02
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1,153 | 1,154 | Did you hear about the scarecrow who won a Nobel Prize? He's out standing in his field. | [ 6.08736239e-02 6.64494187e-02 -2.95041187e-04 3.35578844e-02
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1,154 | 1,155 | What kind of computer can sing? A Dell. | [ 1.13052614e-02 -4.04849164e-02 -2.61671878e-02 -2.80103609e-02
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1,155 | 1,156 | There are two hats on a hanger... The broken one says to the other: "You go on a head..." | [-8.84838589e-03 6.98064119e-02 4.35397364e-02 2.80656423e-02
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1,156 | 1,157 | What's the key to long lasting Relationships? Not breaking up | [-5.81010841e-02 2.40502022e-02 4.33146656e-02 1.23072667e-02
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1,157 | 1,158 | Why did the vulture get kicked off the flight? He brought the wrong carrion. | [ 8.70353356e-02 6.79972768e-02 1.53393112e-02 5.48322834e-02
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1,158 | 1,159 | What did the girl say when the Statue of Liberty sneezed? God bless America. | [ 4.06844914e-02 9.64643881e-02 8.18716437e-02 2.07518842e-02
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1,159 | 1,160 | What does a man often wake with, but can never go to sleep with? An alarm, you pervert! | [ 1.97311155e-02 1.68162677e-02 -2.57070791e-02 9.14564133e-02
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1,160 | 1,161 | My clients have a 86% survival rate, which makes me an above-average babysitter. | [ 2.14372687e-02 -3.33414902e-03 -4.08977531e-02 1.32540530e-02
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1,161 | 1,162 | What do you call an alligator detective wearing a waistcoat? An investigator. | [-1.02426857e-01 7.21736103e-02 -6.07773624e-02 3.95981260e-02
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1,162 | 1,163 | I come from a family of failed magicians I have 2 half sisters | [ 2.51030037e-03 -1.48904957e-02 -3.01394258e-02 -5.39278127e-02
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1,163 | 1,164 | They say a woman's work is never done that's probably why they get paid less | [-6.48522656e-03 4.34463806e-02 4.06109281e-02 5.59971854e-02
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1,164 | 1,165 | What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend? Rip in peace | [ 2.73387749e-02 1.34511620e-01 7.00931391e-03 -4.71904278e-02
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1,165 | 1,166 | "Here's your cup of Joe" - Joe at the sperm bank | [-5.93550988e-02 7.64356479e-02 -5.58292978e-02 3.93441692e-03
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1,166 | 1,167 | Listen, if you are going to someone's house for Thanksgiving, compliment their baseboards. That is what they are spending today cleaning. | [ 3.97269949e-02 8.33253842e-03 1.35492608e-01 -9.34889987e-02
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1,167 | 1,168 | I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He's in a better place now." | [ 6.54634759e-02 -7.53539577e-02 -3.45712267e-02 1.86837767e-03
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1,168 | 1,169 | What do you call a nomadic caveman? A meanderthal. | [ 4.42680204e-03 7.32479021e-02 -3.91715728e-02 -7.15127622e-04
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1,169 | 1,170 | "I had the worst Cruise ever." - Katie Holmes | [-1.01221623e-02 6.43709898e-02 8.43597203e-02 7.17616230e-02
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1,170 | 1,171 | Why do I tell jokes in elevators? Because they're funny on many levels. | [-2.87987734e-03 -9.74016413e-02 5.36760092e-02 1.31931268e-02
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1,171 | 1,172 | Argument with a woman is like reading the Software License Agreement... . . . . . At the end, you ignore everything and click 'I agree'. | [-1.78798512e-02 3.10372259e-03 -2.04531457e-02 -9.74174310e-03
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1,172 | 1,173 | I want to study... the area below your curves... It is integral. | [ 8.05494487e-02 5.27080754e-03 -6.69611096e-02 3.07764150e-02
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1,173 | 1,174 | Two ducks are arguing in a bar about quantum physics... One turns to the other and says, 'Quark Quark' The other says, I'll have a Harvey Schrodinger, thanks'. | [-5.76475449e-02 -5.34933582e-02 -5.32197766e-02 7.43922889e-02
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1,174 | 1,175 | Even reddit goes down more often... than my girlfriend. | [ 1.14281988e-02 -8.05307850e-02 6.97589964e-02 -3.31479241e-03
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1,175 | 1,176 | What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick up your ass. | [-5.65086789e-02 -1.11880414e-02 -1.45623954e-02 -4.69183177e-02
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1,176 | 1,177 | My main job as a husband is to taste things that my wife thinks taste like they've gone bad and tell her if they taste bad. | [-8.43308307e-03 -5.32806590e-02 7.58283138e-02 2.20650937e-02
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1,177 | 1,178 | Two polar bears were sitting in a bathtub The first one says "Give me the soap". The second one says "no soap. radio". | [-3.74483727e-02 2.12481860e-02 2.34219693e-02 3.16128843e-02
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1,178 | 1,179 | How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, no light bulb dare go out in the presence of Chuck Norris. | [ 3.15435305e-02 2.38646455e-02 -6.75989464e-02 7.95514956e-02
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1,179 | 1,180 | My wife caught me masturbating to one of those magic eye pictures. I told her it's not what it looks like | [ 1.36016347e-02 -5.33235930e-02 1.17907412e-02 5.95429353e-03
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1,180 | 1,181 | Fifty Shades of Grey instills that if a dude is sexy and rich you should allow him contractual ownership of your body because helicopters. | [ 1.78016368e-02 7.69270137e-02 1.40898107e-02 -8.24052561e-03
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1,181 | 1,182 | Hi, my name's Ray. I'll be drawing your blood today as soon as I finish this Capri Sun. *misses hole 4 times then punches straw through bag* | [ 4.59831357e-02 3.97103168e-02 1.45978108e-02 4.74770889e-02
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1,182 | 1,183 | Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment? A: She can't say "No". | [ 1.77061670e-02 -5.31730428e-02 8.10016170e-02 6.00331575e-02
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1,183 | 1,184 | A Roman guy walks into a bar... He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please!" | [-6.85979128e-02 -4.69587231e-03 5.72944898e-03 -5.63684944e-03
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1,184 | 1,185 | TIL the musical group Ace of Base was killed in a horrific traffic accident after they missed their exit on the highway and crashed... Police later said, "they didn't see the sign..." | [ 1.12412591e-02 -1.44647490e-02 -2.50997487e-02 2.15941551e-03
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1,185 | 1,186 | damn girl, you got a butt that WON'T QUIT *butt pulls out a knife* wait, no- *butt stabs me* no, stop- *butt doesn't stop* ...et tu, bootay | [-2.15352401e-02 -5.67645282e-02 4.02632132e-02 -5.25359400e-02
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1,186 | 1,187 | The thing about boats... If we don't bow, everyone gets stern. | [ 5.54455109e-02 -5.67656616e-03 1.97874196e-02 2.02078260e-02
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1,187 | 1,188 | Urban Outfitters: the most expensive way to look poor. | [-6.67878659e-03 8.81966129e-02 8.40400457e-02 6.85670003e-02
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1,188 | 1,189 | Miss Universe pageant will be awesome when the sluts from other planets finally decide to show up. | [ 1.94667075e-02 -1.09065874e-02 6.22092858e-02 -1.55093214e-02
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1,189 | 1,190 | Bet I could breathe more air than you, bro | [-4.23086099e-02 -2.21201386e-02 1.36222430e-02 5.07485345e-02
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1,190 | 1,191 | My uncle performed circumcisions... He kept all the foreskin and had a tailor make it into a wallet. Rub it for 5 minutes and you get a briefcase. | [-2.92410087e-02 1.49183229e-01 -1.93674173e-02 1.17485307e-03
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1,191 | 1,192 | I do not need to have a threesome... ... if I want to disappoint two people at once, I go to dinner with my parents. | [ 1.21653639e-02 -4.76080291e-02 -6.20979182e-02 -2.57049631e-02
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1,192 | 1,193 | Now that the Olympics are over, Michael Phelps can finally be released back to his natural habitat; the couch with a bong. | [ 8.58652405e-03 1.14063501e-01 1.30998105e-01 -2.01980099e-02
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1,193 | 1,194 | Did you hear that the North American Man/Boy Love Association go a new tech support guy? He's an e-NAMBLA. | [-9.18821022e-02 -3.05397678e-02 5.18434010e-02 -5.67771755e-02
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1,194 | 1,195 | What did the cold pipe say to the to hot pipe? Nothing,pipes can't talk. Thank you | [-2.36730482e-02 1.78210400e-02 -3.04089841e-02 4.81976569e-02
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1,195 | 1,196 | New TomTom voice over I got a new TomTom and changed his voice to Chewbacca. Left is BRRRRRRRRRRR and right is BRRRRRRRRRRR And when I'm at my distination : i still dont know | [-9.83554404e-03 -5.74765168e-02 3.34343985e-02 -9.16012302e-02
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1,196 | 1,197 | My friend showed me a black computer he wanted to buy... I said "Dont you mean an African American computer?" and he replied "Stop being so PC" | [-2.26944525e-04 1.42277136e-01 -7.49428803e-03 -1.48002766e-02
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1,197 | 1,198 | I like my women like I like my M.C. Escher paintings Impossibly proportioned | [ 4.54405881e-02 4.26863600e-03 4.96656410e-02 -1.31573314e-02
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1,198 | 1,199 | Whats the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? On the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside. | [ 6.27390072e-02 2.31847484e-02 2.78661726e-03 1.86472367e-02
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1,199 | 1,200 | My friend got drunk and thinks he had sex with a prostitute... At first he wasn't sure, but then he was *positive*. | [-3.60320471e-02 8.74251425e-02 -9.45543125e-02 1.38205281e-02
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