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1,600 | 1,601 | I always study the vagina before sex Because I like to know what I'm getting myself into | [ 6.08019121e-02 4.68403939e-03 -1.51217252e-03 5.49413487e-02
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1,601 | 1,602 | What's the difference between the ISIS headquarters and a kindergarten? I don't know, I just fly the drone. | [ 4.20968644e-02 3.20465006e-02 -1.48667851e-02 -2.28739604e-02
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1,602 | 1,603 | Airline passenger fell asleep on my shoulder. It was already awkward so I just went ahead & braided her hair. | [ 1.40126059e-02 6.02571592e-02 3.23263146e-02 4.53639776e-02
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1,603 | 1,604 | Adrian Veidt's wife walks into his bedroom and finds him with another woman. As she approaches him with angry tears, he says "I did it 35 minutes ago." | [-3.04492898e-02 3.24376374e-02 -2.68877260e-02 -2.74640881e-03
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1,604 | 1,605 | A: You look nice today, is that a new shirt and haircut? B: I masturbated yesterday, So I had to clean up afterwards. And one thing lead to another. Hair trimming included. | [-1.22219501e-02 8.09460580e-02 1.43405437e-01 6.14763796e-03
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1,605 | 1,606 | 4-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom and they never stopped asking questions. 4: Why? | [ 8.45282450e-02 4.77429815e-02 4.98784296e-02 7.39140809e-02
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1,606 | 1,607 | What do you call a queue of boxers? A punchline. | [ 4.91383066e-03 1.92203522e-02 -9.86692607e-02 5.98907396e-02
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1,607 | 1,608 | I'll complain about the government invading my privacy after I tell you where I am on Facebook and posting what I'm eating on Instagram. | [-3.92729118e-02 -5.21222502e-03 1.26205133e-02 1.21406410e-02
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1,608 | 1,609 | [A pair of crocs sitting on a riverbank] Why do you think people hate us so much? "Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks." | [-3.02047376e-02 8.52022097e-02 3.38755101e-02 -8.31681490e-03
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1,609 | 1,610 | I once tried to write a book about my thoughts But there's only so much you can put in a suicide note. | [ 7.91015383e-03 1.38903549e-02 -2.85988748e-02 -2.63835303e-02
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1,610 | 1,611 | I'm 36 but have the body an 18-year-old The police are pretty upset about it. | [ 9.05061290e-02 1.00735620e-01 -2.22057644e-02 -1.54427476e-02
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1,611 | 1,612 | What beer does Sean Connery drink? Grols | [-7.97504038e-02 -2.41183378e-02 -4.39070091e-02 -9.20271501e-03
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1,612 | 1,613 | If Tom Brady joined Nickelback... They'd become 30 cents. | [-4.24044579e-02 -4.19971198e-02 -5.59269823e-02 -1.08755730e-01
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1,613 | 1,614 | A Stormtrooper went golfing today He's still on the first hole. | [ 8.02827924e-02 2.73297690e-02 1.63677498e-03 1.13223389e-01
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1,614 | 1,615 | I could be subtweeting my cat for all you know. Calm down. | [ 1.30682707e-01 -4.91512083e-02 3.64547744e-02 1.92482900e-02
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1,615 | 1,616 | Today my boss will learn that I am nowhere near mature enough to be left alone with a label maker. | [ 2.09245421e-02 2.94565633e-02 -4.79750596e-02 5.35766184e-02
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1,616 | 1,617 | What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment. | [-1.35517623e-02 -5.70834875e-02 -6.89872727e-02 3.72565500e-02
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1,617 | 1,618 | What game do old black people play? Blingo! | [ 2.04384024e-03 4.28374447e-02 -7.96458125e-02 2.09259372e-02
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1,618 | 1,619 | A boycott is just a smaller version of a manbed. | [ 1.38920248e-01 4.99069616e-02 4.68702838e-02 -1.75373498e-02
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1,619 | 1,620 | Making the arrangements for my wife's funeral is tough She keeps asking what I'm doing | [ 5.13380244e-02 1.67104229e-02 3.97788063e-02 -2.60356255e-02
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1,620 | 1,621 | I was on a date. "How many ladies have you slept with?" she said. I said, "Do you want me to round it to the nearest 10?" She raised her eyebrows and said, "OK..." I said, "Zero." | [-2.45019887e-02 6.05224557e-02 5.21706510e-03 6.49150610e-02
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1,621 | 1,622 | I think God created marriage so death wouldn't come as such a disappointment. | [-4.46181521e-02 3.47117335e-02 -4.07760637e-03 4.02454026e-02
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1,622 | 1,623 | Can I tell you a joke? Your bum broke! hahaha! We loved this lame-ass joke as kids | [-5.11321947e-02 1.99116264e-02 5.22455014e-02 5.35544567e-02
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1,623 | 1,624 | I painted my PC black hoping it would run faster but now it doesn't work at all. | [ 3.65559980e-02 -2.58600642e-03 -1.64282210e-02 -7.76348589e-03
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1,624 | 1,625 | Whats the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick down your throat. | [-4.22000624e-02 -1.49826296e-02 -2.35831514e-02 -5.61867096e-02
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1,625 | 1,626 | My friend didn't understand my poorly timed holocaust joke. So he asks me, "What's a holocaust?" And I reply "Oh, about eleven million" | [ 5.42070791e-02 8.83050561e-02 -1.50116282e-02 7.53818229e-02
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1,626 | 1,627 | .5% of life is spent with accidental throat bubble Kermit voice. | [-3.65313105e-02 -2.18833555e-02 3.64342928e-02 -1.38053368e-03
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1,627 | 1,628 | So all about these girls killing folks because of slenderman..... I guess you could say, they were a victim of anorexic culture | [ 4.99508269e-02 7.31016919e-02 5.41659854e-02 5.22637628e-02
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1,628 | 1,629 | Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he had a hole in one. | [ 1.52178528e-02 8.81181434e-02 -5.39026596e-03 7.66288564e-02
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1,629 | 1,630 | Whenever I have a bad day,,, I just remind myself that there are people out there who have their ex's name tattooed on their body | [-4.33163531e-02 3.24470550e-02 1.09111615e-01 2.67005004e-02
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1,630 | 1,631 | All things in moderation. Unless no one's looking. | [ 1.28222490e-02 4.25631739e-02 5.87027008e-03 2.68050842e-02
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1,631 | 1,632 | I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there's that.... | [-4.36382890e-02 -4.94336113e-02 4.69127074e-02 2.14692056e-02
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1,632 | 1,633 | How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't, they just shoot the room for being black. I guess you could say that was dark humor? ;) | [ 5.84531240e-02 1.48596205e-02 -4.31411061e-03 6.06366172e-02
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1,633 | 1,634 | I'm in the middle of hanging myself. The suspense is killing me. | [ 2.87755355e-02 -1.45568978e-02 1.17181567e-02 7.76996464e-03
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1,634 | 1,635 | a dude sitting next to me in the ER asked how to spell ankle & then correctly identified Rush Hour by a scene without jchan or chris tucker | [-5.37884124e-02 1.67867914e-02 -5.35610653e-02 -9.75483656e-03
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1,635 | 1,636 | What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? [NSFW] You don't pay $200 to have a garbanzo on your face | [-2.35967506e-02 1.33298980e-02 -1.51927685e-02 6.37729745e-03
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1,636 | 1,637 | Did you hear about the production delays at that company that makes scales using lengthy pipes? They had really long weights. | [-5.20911142e-02 1.14307050e-02 2.28666682e-02 4.85556535e-02
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1,637 | 1,638 | Are you Finished? [X-post from Funny] Its a joke/comic thing. This is it--> http://imgur.com/GskWG | [-4.14884798e-02 4.01443169e-02 -3.77394864e-03 -1.40732164e-02
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1,638 | 1,639 | Me: *Buys nutribullet* will this baby take down a vegan? Cashier: No, it's not an actual bu... Me: *loads nutrigun* Cashier: What the heck? | [-1.18309893e-02 3.41154374e-02 1.77326798e-02 3.62542123e-02
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1,639 | 1,640 | You hear the joke about the frenzied mob? It's a riot. | [-6.47313101e-03 -3.32893841e-02 -3.38874683e-02 1.25846649e-02
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1,641 | 1,642 | What's brown and sticky? Anal. | [ 1.60004683e-02 -2.51798071e-02 -3.57181653e-02 6.73588291e-02
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1,642 | 1,643 | Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years. | [ 2.97453888e-02 -2.31696735e-03 6.19762111e-03 5.66908643e-02
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1,643 | 1,644 | My favorite book to read on the toilet is "The Shining." It scares the shit outta me. | [-6.21654838e-03 -5.19138984e-02 3.65858488e-02 6.30071610e-02
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1,644 | 1,645 | A friend of ours is practicing baking apple pies. She brings them over to our house and later asks us how we liked it. I tell her "You need more practice." | [ 1.08475201e-01 4.16003466e-02 9.34322327e-02 -2.03091875e-02
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1,645 | 1,646 | Another "Priceless" joke. Vodka 19.99. Motel room 64.99. Condoms 9.99. Finding out she swallows and likes it in the ass? Priceless! Fuck Mastercard, it pays to Discover | [-6.34423420e-02 4.07331623e-02 -1.53525677e-02 7.37809241e-02
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1,646 | 1,647 | I know a hooker downtown that charges by the inch. I can't afford her, but you probably could. *(one-liner from the old guy that delivers stock to my work.)* | [-8.20725504e-03 4.51798514e-02 -3.70061919e-02 4.18816172e-02
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1,647 | 1,648 | How does Peter Pan fly? If someone hit you in the Peter with a Pan, you'd fly too. | [ 6.24399371e-02 8.70780367e-03 1.90662686e-02 3.63269895e-02
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1,648 | 1,649 | What's the difference between David Blaine and the NRA? The former has a cunning array of stunts | [-7.30767697e-02 5.89268282e-02 -1.25355035e-01 -4.32342291e-02
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1,649 | 1,650 | People say there is power in numbers. Say that to 6 million jews. -Jimmy carr | [ 6.66613132e-02 5.75871505e-02 -6.86379671e-02 5.78543171e-02
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1,650 | 1,651 | Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball. | [ 9.32653248e-02 7.35641718e-02 4.72098812e-02 5.09063303e-02
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1,651 | 1,652 | Heroin really messed up my household... All the spoons are missing. | [-7.88532104e-03 -4.36050631e-02 3.68254222e-02 1.94831996e-03
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1,652 | 1,653 | What sits in the middle of the world wide web ? A very very big spider ! | [ 1.53560676e-02 -3.02695315e-02 -1.31608769e-02 -1.02437269e-02
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1,653 | 1,654 | What's long and hard on a black guy? The first grade | [-6.31037587e-03 6.15846589e-02 -2.58262251e-02 6.10056594e-02
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1,654 | 1,655 | Who plays center forward for the vampire football team? The ghoulscorer. | [-7.40270391e-02 -1.66462306e-02 -1.14221834e-01 -4.64896820e-02
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1,655 | 1,656 | Why were the sneakers so sad? Because they had ten issues. | [-2.55527385e-02 5.66071719e-02 3.47465053e-02 -2.68467050e-03
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1,656 | 1,657 | My nutritionist said that instead of eating three big cheeseburgers I should have multiple, smaller cheeseburgers throughout the day | [ 3.70682664e-02 1.29126702e-02 1.57713760e-02 5.16193509e-02
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1,657 | 1,658 | My 4yr old daughter just charged me $47 for a fake cake she cooked in her pretend oven. I laughed. ... She stared at me until I paid her. | [ 2.14651171e-02 1.18020646e-01 -1.32938521e-03 3.14725153e-02
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1,660 | 1,661 | 'No you can't have cake! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Here, eat this fried flour with butter and maple syrup.' -Moms | [-2.58471202e-02 3.15766037e-02 -5.46292355e-03 5.15957884e-02
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1,661 | 1,662 | The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. | [-5.36049716e-02 6.83864877e-02 -1.74601655e-02 1.19375847e-02
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1,662 | 1,663 | I think the problem is that I'm 20% stud and 80% muffin. | [ 6.53858706e-02 -8.07389244e-02 6.17620237e-02 -1.33636990e-03
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1,663 | 1,664 | They said "orange is the new black"... ...but I didn't realise they meant Trump would replace Obama. | [-6.44575479e-03 2.10247971e-02 4.51973304e-02 6.39591888e-02
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1,664 | 1,665 | I have but one question Why did curiousity kill the cat? | [ 6.50319308e-02 3.37975509e-02 2.33392082e-02 6.51174337e-02
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1,665 | 1,666 | Please make sure "to" put your air quotes around the right words | [-6.61191866e-02 -7.72421360e-02 1.63334596e-03 7.25979060e-02
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1,666 | 1,667 | 40% of North American teens can't even find ISIS on a map. Talk about ignorant | [ 2.13158131e-01 5.45976348e-02 3.84804718e-02 -4.85567190e-02
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1,667 | 1,668 | Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school. | [-4.08838131e-02 1.65767353e-02 1.47523899e-02 6.62039220e-02
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1,668 | 1,669 | A vegan, feminist, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I know because they told everyone in twenty minutes. | [ 1.94288101e-02 -2.77181733e-02 -1.04430169e-02 5.50705902e-02
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1,669 | 1,670 | Patron: This bread is stale. Waiter: It wasn't last week. | [-9.12254304e-03 4.70454432e-02 3.38805653e-02 -2.12575402e-02
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1,670 | 1,671 | I once met a girl with twelve boobs. Sounds fake, dozen tit? | [ 1.05156694e-02 -2.99647059e-02 -1.60808787e-02 -1.37092229e-02
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1,671 | 1,672 | My new year's resolution is to stop procrastinating. . . I'm gonna start tomorrow | [-4.04754505e-02 -9.67198052e-03 5.43571115e-02 2.07300819e-02
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1,672 | 1,673 | I bought some vinyl cleaner, just for the record. | [-4.64903526e-02 6.72357231e-02 1.05796978e-01 -7.61913136e-02
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1,673 | 1,674 | The initials of the Sri Lankan players read like DOS commands. MKDIR, CHKDSK. | [-3.49583849e-02 6.97579458e-02 -1.17914960e-01 -7.28397965e-02
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1,674 | 1,675 | For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books | [ 2.54511554e-02 -2.55472376e-03 3.79849109e-03 6.92674667e-02
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1,675 | 1,676 | TIL it costs more money to make a penny than how much it's worth That makes very little cents | [ 2.05847062e-02 -8.37138481e-03 -8.02391325e-04 -2.71911118e-02
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1,676 | 1,677 | I like my women like I like my programming languages. Visual and basic | [-1.37730744e-02 -4.63246889e-02 5.88110313e-02 2.44462527e-02
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1,677 | 1,678 | My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom. This morning we synthesised a new protein chain. | [-4.38367110e-03 -7.48528987e-02 4.89668772e-02 3.84858400e-02
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1,679 | 1,680 | Why does the corn get mad at the farmer? Because he is always pulling on his ears. | [ 3.52008305e-02 -3.15998658e-03 4.67341300e-03 -3.55236279e-03
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1,680 | 1,681 | What's a toads favourite sweet ? Lollihops ! | [-2.92828493e-02 -6.44894987e-02 3.38366255e-02 -1.44162150e-02
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1,681 | 1,682 | Confucius say . . . . Man who wrong on elevator, wrong on many levels. | [-1.78500954e-02 1.41012026e-02 2.95462105e-02 2.90124735e-04
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1,682 | 1,683 | How do you make rape funny? You force it | [ 5.99552039e-03 9.54591390e-03 -1.92866512e-02 5.79096600e-02
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1,683 | 1,684 | My wife was raped by a mime He preformed unspeakable acts on her | [-2.63965447e-02 -1.22500062e-02 5.95527217e-02 4.28455807e-02
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1,684 | 1,685 | What will the "Red Hot Chili Peppers" become when they die? Ghost Peppers. | [-6.03893474e-02 -7.72018731e-02 -4.14477549e-02 3.21519896e-02
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1,685 | 1,686 | Dr: it looks like you've contracted sumatta Me: what is that? Dr: what is what? Me: sumatta Dr [grits teeth]: say it together | [-5.25834039e-02 6.08901307e-02 2.01420952e-02 3.97161320e-02
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1,686 | 1,687 | It was my son's birthday, so I took 4 of his mates for a burger and then bowling. They had a great time, he would have loved it | [ 1.19309286e-02 1.44387498e-01 3.76006775e-03 -3.79320942e-02
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1,687 | 1,688 | I used to have a phone with a really good user interface... ...but someone swiped it. | [-1.27137080e-01 -1.21913515e-02 1.24459721e-01 -6.32167310e-02
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1,688 | 1,689 | How do you drown a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole. | [ 2.66580172e-02 6.36654720e-02 7.48344287e-02 3.45686525e-02
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1,689 | 1,690 | Saw a girl with 12 nipples today. Sounds crazy, dozen tit? | [ 2.46274788e-02 -5.02428040e-02 -2.41687838e-02 -3.03869750e-02
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1,690 | 1,691 | People that say "God never gives you more than you can handle" never met my ex-girlfriend. | [-1.85728744e-02 -8.63588788e-03 6.51978850e-02 6.21479228e-02
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1,691 | 1,692 | You know how when you're in high school and you get "senioritis" and your brain shuts down? When does it come back on? | [ 5.22170253e-02 -4.76458073e-02 -7.65810022e-03 1.12781078e-02
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1,692 | 1,693 | I told a joke about noble gasses the other day. There was no reaction. | [-3.38518806e-02 -3.77574284e-03 -1.40765086e-02 1.02875493e-01
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1,694 | 1,695 | Boy: Our Principal So Stupid Girl:Don't You Know Who i am? Boy: No Girl: I'm The Principal's Daughet. Boy: Do You Know Who i am? Boy: Good (Walks Away) | [-4.55406196e-02 6.19822778e-02 5.53615205e-02 -1.24274325e-02
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1,695 | 1,696 | He used to be Hand Solo Then he gave Leia the D. | [-5.42699527e-05 -2.36162543e-02 -1.01136649e-03 -1.59420706e-02
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1,696 | 1,697 | During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds. | [-7.90347382e-02 9.39632356e-02 -9.60058495e-02 5.48650995e-02
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1,697 | 1,698 | I'm not on the Atkins Diet. I'm on the Rowan Atkinson Diet... It's all BEANS!! | [-1.40645942e-02 -5.76328747e-02 -2.50270572e-02 9.08435583e-02
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3.62793691e-02 -4.73389588e-02 9.35771987e-02 -9.07419771e-02
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7.63952136e-02 8.32476839e-03 -1.54534113e-02 -2.43016891e-02] |
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