ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
7,201	A Priest and a Rabbi were walking down the street. They spied a young boy playing up the street. The Priest said to the Rabbi, "let's go up and fuck that boy". The Rabbi said "out of how much".
7,202	So an Irish man walks out of a bar...
7,203	Anybody wanna play Pearl Harbour? I lay down and you blow me to heavens!
7,204	I like to bring bags of winter clothes into strip clubs and tell them to cover up. Then yell how they're embarrassing the family.
7,205	Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
7,206	April is alcohol awareness month.....I think we're all aware. Cheers!
7,207	What do Russians and gays have in common? They both like bears.
7,208	I hate it when I go to bed and forget to turn off my swag.
7,209	A man came to my door earlier and asked for a small donation towards the town's new swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water
7,210	My friend can talk about auto-erotic asphyxiation til he's blue in the face.
7,211	When I hear someone complain that their towns are boring with nothing to do, all I hear is a boring person who doesn't know how to have fun.
7,212	What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An in"vest"igator :D
7,213	I've adjusted my insults to be more pc Instead of calling people gay, I call them straight.
7,214	What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need 1 nail to hang the picture
7,215	I was doing the dishes and i realized.. If we could cover our Military vehicles in dried egg yolk we would be unstoppable.
7,216	Black people love boom boxes .. I hate to generalize, but it's their stereotype ;-)
7,217	I'm going to hire a Priest, a Doctor and a Rabbi to walk into a bar together just to see WTF happens. Backup Plan: I'll also bring a horse.
7,218	Why is it called PMS'ing? Mad cow disease was already taken.
7,219	What do jehovah's witnesses believe in? That I will open the door
7,220	Two Jihadis Walked In to a bar They didn't blow it up.
7,221	"I wasn't that drunk..." "Dude, you threw an Iphone in your blender and screamed 'I WANT APPLE JUICE!' "
7,222	When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you, wraps a towel around itself and screams oh wait that's my neighbor haha Hi Pam!
7,223	I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
7,224	What has a 10 foot neck four legs and loves money. A Jewraffe
7,225	Everybody keeps downvoting my racist jokes It's like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptops or something.
7,226	Why are there so many doctors in India? Because about 20 million people are Sikh.
7,227	What do you call a German with a cold?
7,228	Just to clarify: If original content is about Carlos Mencia, is it a repost?
7,229	ding This is your captain speaking. We... Is this what my voice sounds like? Nobody told me! Haha, wow, weird. We're out of fuel.
7,230	I recently turned 18 and got an eye test Kind of bummed I didn't get adult super vision
7,231	Kid says "mommy how come I'm black and your white? Mom says "listen the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark"
7,232	I get suicidal when I play guitar So I don't fret about it Sorry [8]
7,233	I can't wait until humans move to a new planet and someone says, 'Remember having 24-hour days?' and some jerk responds, 'First world problems.' -Geoffrey Asmus
7,234	What do you call a medical student that graduated at the bottom of his class with a 2.0 GPA? A doctor
7,235	Why doesn't democracy work in china? Because no one wants to hold an erection.
7,236	What's the difference between sex and conversation? You don't know? Well let's go have a discussion...
7,237	Why are vegans so salty? To hide the fact that their food has no flavor.
7,238	Where assholes go to die The cheap toilet paper section.
7,239	Why isn't Half-Life 3 coming out? Because 2 Half-Lives = 1 whole life.
7,240	Why did the knight stop fighting after all his limbs had been chopped of? He'd been unarmed and defeated
7,241	Pillow fights didn't last as long in the Stone Age.
7,242	What do you call a dog that does magic? A labracadabrador
7,243	Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup? Because one more would have been too farty.
7,244	new book out: "How I Fell Off a Cliff" by Eileen Dover
7,245	Racist comments... Just like grandma used to make
7,246	I've lost all ability to feel... I'm numb.... I'm starting to slip away... I look forward to the empty, meaningless void Now pull the damn tooth, Doctor
7,247	Do scooby got a booty? Scooby doo.
7,248	Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? So he could get a long little doggy!
7,249	Why are muslim people so kind-hearted? Because they don't live long, especially when they're a bomb
7,250	The past, the present, and the future... The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar together. It was tense.
7,251	I'm sitting in a booster seat in the back of a minivan because I want to teach my kids right and my 8yo called shotgun fair & square.
7,252	I bought my wife some gloves and a sex toy for her birthday if she doesn't like the gloves she can go f*ck herself
7,253	(to kid at lemonade stand) i ain't buying shit until i find you on yelp
7,254	What's black brown and white black brown and white brown and white etc.? A Gorilla riding down a snowbank!
7,255	How do you throw a party in space? You planet
7,256	Do you know a favourite expression used by the Gorillas? Apesy daisy!
7,257	Q: Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes? A: She couldn't find the recipe.
7,258	Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a potato.
7,259	I was talking to my ex and she got the wrong end of the stick. The end that had been sharpened to a fine point.
7,260	That moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, hit a lamp and kill a cat.
7,261	So i was talking to my friend who's a dyslexic philosopher And he says to me "You know what, recently i've been wondering if there really is a dog"
7,262	I entered a joke contest and to increase my chances of winning I submit 10 jokes.... Unfortunately I didn't win, no pun in ten did...
7,263	"Great speech! Have you thought about giving it from behind a wooden box for some reason?" - podium salesman
7,264	Anal with my girlfriend made my whole day But it made her whole week.
7,265	BREAKING: Israel Planning Surgery to Have its Dick Removed From GOP candidates Mouths
7,266	"Hold the door!!!" "What door?"
7,267	It's pretty amazing that I'm able to balance my two kids, my career as a doctor, and my pathological lying!!
7,268	Reddit is a really blue community... ...because everyone is really sad about all the "reddit is green" reposts.
7,269	Saw this in a Textbook today What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them
7,270	Set of jumper cables walks into a bar... The bartender looks them up and down really slow and says, OK, I'll serve you, but don't be starting anything.
7,271	What do you call it... when an old man cums all over you? Viagra Falls My wife just made up this joke and wondered if she actually made it up or if she is just not remembering where she heard it.
7,272	Autocorrect has been around for centuries, I got mine when I married my wife.
7,273	How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool? Say, " Everyone out of the pool please."
7,274	If I knew you in high school and your Facebook profile picture is a baby I'll assume you're Benjamin Button and unfriend you.
7,275	You remember those yardsticks? They don't make them any longer.
7,276	I decided to sell my Hoover... Well, it was just collecting dust.
7,277	What do u call a gay dinosaur? A mega-sore-ass
7,278	Why is suicide illegal? Because no one wants to clean up your mess.
7,279	Is the bakery hiring? Cause I think I'll knead a little bit of dough to get by.
7,280	Still suddenly panicking that you haven't done your homework on Sunday evenings, despite being in your thirties
7,281	Why Did Donald Trump Get Fired When He Was a Carpenter? He wouldn't take down any walls.
7,282	Fuck. We're gonna be known as the generation that loved autocorrect fails
7,283	Word. ~ Microsoft.
7,284	My dyslexic friend sobbed uncontrollably as he confessed that he kept spelling his own name backwards I really do feel for Bob.
7,285	(Very) dirty joke time: How does a mother in West Virginia know when her daughter is on her period? Her son's dick tastes like blood.
7,286	I blame our unhappy marriage on my wife mostly because of her poor choice in men.
7,287	What do you call a lazy fan of the old Price is Right? a Barker Lounger !
7,288	Kim Kardashian just had a miscarriage... Her next show is going to be called 'Mopping Up After A Kardashian'
7,289	What do Australians use for sun burns? Aloe, mate. I'm sorry
7,290	What did the elephant say to the man? How do you breathe through something so small?
7,291	When should I borrow the Fatboy Slim joke from the library? Right about now, funk soul brother. Check it out now, funk soul brother.
7,292	A walk of shame is always sad. Don't make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
7,293	I wonder if in 100 years, ghosts of today will spell out "swag" or "bae" on the Ouija boards
7,294	The Native Americans used to trust the white man, now they have their reservations.
7,295	No thanks, babies. If I'm going to let something inside of my body that's going to destroy my figure, it'll be cheese, bread and booze.
7,296	What do lesbians in Alaska sing? What would you do ew ew in a Klondike bar.
7,297	I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them.
7,298	Me: There is a small tree on fire. 911: Could you describe it? Me:Picture shrubbery...now picture it engulfed in flames.
7,299	Johnson, Clinton, and Trump are lost at sea. Who wins the election? America.
7,300	How come Django's wife never hears Django coming? The D is silent.

7,201

A Priest and a Rabbi were walking down the street. They spied a young boy playing up the street. The Priest said to the Rabbi, "let's go up and fuck that boy". The Rabbi said "out of how much".

7,202

So an Irish man walks out of a bar...

7,203

Anybody wanna play Pearl Harbour? I lay down and you blow me to heavens!

7,204

I like to bring bags of winter clothes into strip clubs and tell them to cover up. Then yell how they're embarrassing the family.

7,205

Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.

7,206

April is alcohol awareness month.....I think we're all aware. Cheers!

7,207

What do Russians and gays have in common? They both like bears.

7,208

I hate it when I go to bed and forget to turn off my swag.

7,209

A man came to my door earlier and asked for a small donation towards the town's new swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water

7,210

My friend can talk about auto-erotic asphyxiation til he's blue in the face.

7,211

When I hear someone complain that their towns are boring with nothing to do, all I hear is a boring person who doesn't know how to have fun.

7,212

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An in"vest"igator :D

7,213

I've adjusted my insults to be more pc Instead of calling people gay, I call them straight.

7,214

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need 1 nail to hang the picture

7,215

I was doing the dishes and i realized.. If we could cover our Military vehicles in dried egg yolk we would be unstoppable.

7,216

Black people love boom boxes .. I hate to generalize, but it's their stereotype ;-)

7,217

I'm going to hire a Priest, a Doctor and a Rabbi to walk into a bar together just to see WTF happens. Backup Plan: I'll also bring a horse.

7,218

Why is it called PMS'ing? Mad cow disease was already taken.

7,219

What do jehovah's witnesses believe in? That I will open the door

7,220

Two Jihadis Walked In to a bar They didn't blow it up.

7,221

"I wasn't that drunk..." "Dude, you threw an Iphone in your blender and screamed 'I WANT APPLE JUICE!' "

7,222

When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you, wraps a towel around itself and screams oh wait that's my neighbor haha Hi Pam!

7,223

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

7,224

What has a 10 foot neck four legs and loves money. A Jewraffe

7,225

Everybody keeps downvoting my racist jokes It's like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptops or something.

7,226

Why are there so many doctors in India? Because about 20 million people are Sikh.

7,227

What do you call a German with a cold?

7,228

Just to clarify: If original content is about Carlos Mencia, is it a repost?

7,229

*ding* This is your captain speaking. We... Is this what my voice sounds like? Nobody told me! Haha, wow, weird. We're out of fuel.

7,230

I recently turned 18 and got an eye test Kind of bummed I didn't get adult super vision

7,231

Kid says "mommy how come I'm black and your white? Mom says "listen the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark"

7,232

I get suicidal when I play guitar So I don't fret about it Sorry [8]

7,233

I can't wait until humans move to a new planet and someone says, 'Remember having 24-hour days?' and some jerk responds, 'First world problems.' -Geoffrey Asmus

7,234

What do you call a medical student that graduated at the bottom of his class with a 2.0 GPA? A doctor

7,235

Why doesn't democracy work in china? Because no one wants to hold an erection.

7,236

What's the difference between sex and conversation? You don't know? Well let's go have a discussion...

7,237

Why are vegans so salty? To hide the fact that their food has no flavor.

7,238

Where assholes go to die The cheap toilet paper section.

7,239

Why isn't Half-Life 3 coming out? Because 2 Half-Lives = 1 whole life.

7,240

Why did the knight stop fighting after all his limbs had been chopped of? He'd been unarmed and defeated

7,241

Pillow fights didn't last as long in the Stone Age.

7,242

What do you call a dog that does magic? A labracadabrador

7,243

Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup? Because one more would have been too farty.

7,244

new book out: "How I Fell Off a Cliff" by Eileen Dover

7,245

Racist comments... Just like grandma used to make

7,246

I've lost all ability to feel... I'm numb.... I'm starting to slip away... I look forward to the empty, meaningless void Now pull the damn tooth, Doctor

7,247

Do scooby got a booty? Scooby doo.

7,248

Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? So he could get a long little doggy!

7,249

Why are muslim people so kind-hearted? Because they don't live long, especially when they're a bomb

7,250

The past, the present, and the future... The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar together. It was tense.

7,251

I'm sitting in a booster seat in the back of a minivan because I want to teach my kids right and my 8yo called shotgun fair & square.

7,252

I bought my wife some gloves and a sex toy for her birthday if she doesn't like the gloves she can go f*ck herself

7,253

(to kid at lemonade stand) i ain't buying shit until i find you on yelp

7,254

What's black brown and white black brown and white brown and white etc.? A Gorilla riding down a snowbank!

7,255

How do you throw a party in space? You planet

7,256

Do you know a favourite expression used by the Gorillas? Apesy daisy!

7,257

Q: Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes? A: She couldn't find the recipe.

7,258

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a potato.

7,259

I was talking to my ex and she got the wrong end of the stick. The end that had been sharpened to a fine point.

7,260

That moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, hit a lamp and kill a cat.

7,261

So i was talking to my friend who's a dyslexic philosopher And he says to me "You know what, recently i've been wondering if there really is a dog"

7,262

I entered a joke contest and to increase my chances of winning I submit 10 jokes.... Unfortunately I didn't win, no pun in ten did...

7,263

"Great speech! Have you thought about giving it from behind a wooden box for some reason?" - podium salesman

7,264

Anal with my girlfriend made my whole day But it made her whole week.

7,265

BREAKING: Israel Planning Surgery to Have its Dick Removed From GOP candidates Mouths

7,266

"Hold the door!!!" "What door?"

7,267

It's pretty amazing that I'm able to balance my two kids, my career as a doctor, and my pathological lying!!

7,268

Reddit is a really blue community... ...because everyone is really sad about all the "reddit is green" reposts.

7,269

Saw this in a Textbook today What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them

7,270

Set of jumper cables walks into a bar... The bartender looks them up and down really slow and says, OK, I'll serve you, but don't be starting anything.

7,271

What do you call it... when an old man cums all over you? Viagra Falls My wife just made up this joke and wondered if she actually made it up or if she is just not remembering where she heard it.

7,272

Autocorrect has been around for centuries, I got mine when I married my wife.

7,273

How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool? Say, " Everyone out of the pool please."

7,274

If I knew you in high school and your Facebook profile picture is a baby I'll assume you're Benjamin Button and unfriend you.

7,275

You remember those yardsticks? They don't make them any longer.

7,276

I decided to sell my Hoover... Well, it was just collecting dust.

7,277

What do u call a gay dinosaur? A mega-sore-ass

7,278

Why is suicide illegal? Because no one wants to clean up your mess.

7,279

Is the bakery hiring? Cause I think I'll knead a little bit of dough to get by.

7,280

Still suddenly panicking that you haven't done your homework on Sunday evenings, despite being in your thirties

7,281

Why Did Donald Trump Get Fired When He Was a Carpenter? He wouldn't take down any walls.

7,282

Fuck. We're gonna be known as the generation that loved autocorrect fails

7,283

Word. ~ Microsoft.

7,284

My dyslexic friend sobbed uncontrollably as he confessed that he kept spelling his own name backwards I really do feel for Bob.

7,285

(Very) dirty joke time: How does a mother in West Virginia know when her daughter is on her period? Her son's dick tastes like blood.

7,286

I blame our unhappy marriage on my wife mostly because of her poor choice in men.

7,287

What do you call a lazy fan of the old Price is Right? a Barker Lounger !

7,288

Kim Kardashian just had a miscarriage... Her next show is going to be called 'Mopping Up After A Kardashian'

7,289

What do Australians use for sun burns? Aloe, mate. I'm sorry

7,290

What did the elephant say to the man? How do you breathe through something so small?

7,291

When should I borrow the Fatboy Slim joke from the library? Right about now, funk soul brother. Check it out now, funk soul brother.

7,292

A walk of shame is always sad. Don't make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.

7,293

I wonder if in 100 years, ghosts of today will spell out "swag" or "bae" on the Ouija boards

7,294

The Native Americans used to trust the white man, now they have their reservations.

7,295

No thanks, babies. If I'm going to let something inside of my body that's going to destroy my figure, it'll be cheese, bread and booze.

7,296

What do lesbians in Alaska sing? What would you do ew ew in a Klondike bar.

7,297

I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them.

7,298

Me: There is a small tree on fire. 911: Could you describe it? Me:Picture shrubbery...now picture it engulfed in flames.

7,299

Johnson, Clinton, and Trump are lost at sea. Who wins the election? America.

7,300

How come Django's wife never hears Django coming? The D is silent.