ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
7,001	What does your mom and a rain forest have in common? If you look deep enough in the bush, you might find a cockatoo.
7,002	Why did the feminist cross the road? To suck my cock!
7,003	Cocaine I tried and failed to use cocaine. It kept falling off the mirror in the bathroom.
7,004	A book fell on my head the other day, I only have my shelf to blame
7,005	Did you hear about that free-range astrophysicist buffalo? His name was Neil. Neil da Grass-fed Bison.
7,006	What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff.
7,007	Knock Knock Who's there ! Aldo ! Aldo who ? Aldo anywhere with you !
7,008	Yo momma's so fat... She got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book.
7,009	What do Nazi Germany and vaginas have in common? Their tendency to subjugate poles.
7,010	There is a fine line between "important to me" and "dead to me." Don't walk it.
7,011	How can you call someone and sound fabulous? Use a homophone.
7,012	I have a confession to make. I've been having sex with my staff. What's worse is I'm self employed!!!! Badaboom!
7,013	Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.
7,014	Don't be afraid to be open-minded. Your brain isn't going to fall out.
7,015	I wish I could erase my memory of certain movies so I could watch them again for the first time.
7,016	Approach a woman in a bar and whisper "Hey, wanna get out of here?" If she says yes, you can sit where she was.
7,017	How many communists died during ww2? not enough
7,018	What did the bee say to his wife? No on knows. It's a Mister Bee.
7,019	If a duck and a elephant were to vote They'd vote for donald trunk
7,020	What did the spice merchant say when someone knocked on his door? Cumin!
7,021	Bigfoot walks into a bar.. The bartender is no longer able to discern reality and spends the rest of his life in a mental institution.
7,022	What do black people and Apple Inc. have in common? They have no jobs
7,023	How can you tell an old person from a young person? An old person can sing and brush their teeth at the same time.
7,024	How does a neckbeard make a scotch egg? He has to Breddit
7,025	Where do most black people work? In jail
7,026	What do you call? What do you call a donkey with three legs?? A wonkey!!
7,027	Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg out, Put -spider hokey pokey
7,028	For sale: Standards. Mint condition. Barely used.
7,029	Had a very hot curry last night and now my asshole is on fire ... I'm suffering from deja vindaloo.
7,030	One man's girlfriend is another man's Twitter password.
7,031	Girl, do you have a defibrillator? Cause my heart stops everytime I see you
7,032	Fact: 9/10 people enjoy date rape
7,033	Your mom's got eight vaginas and a Ph.D. We call her Dr. Octopus.
7,034	What do you call a hirsute ceramicist? Hairy Potter
7,035	Son: Dad can sand melt? Me putting down my glass: Don't be ridiculous of course it can't
7,036	What do you call a redhead with a yeast infection? Gingerbread
7,037	What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
7,038	To understand the difference between Italians and Canadians all you need to know is two things. Italian sausage and Canadian bacon...
7,039	Cakeday special - what did the Chinese gangster do? Made him an offer he couldn't understand
7,040	I hope Jessica Biel names her first child Batmo.
7,041	What's the difference between parsley.... and pussy? Nobody eats parsley anymore.
7,042	How do you plug a plow into a car stereo? Through the ox input.
7,043	Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
7,044	What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist? A stroke of genius.
7,045	Two things I will never understand the appeal of: 1) Open relationships 2) Hairless cats
7,046	A local census says that on average, 1 in every 4 guys is gay I hope it's Dave- i think he's kinda cute
7,047	Every time I see the headline 'tragedy on film set' I think oh god m knight shymalan is making another goddamn movie
7,048	Last night I wrote myself a letter. But I forgot to sign it and now I don't know who it's from.
7,049	My doctor gave me six months to live. I told him I couldn't pay my bill. He gave me another six months.
7,050	A cubical is a great place to reflect on all the bad decisions you've made in your life
7,051	I asked my yoga teacher what my purpose in life is she said " To inspire and then expire"
7,052	What do you call a cross between a donkey and an onion? A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye
7,053	What do you call a person who makes surrealist sandwiches? Salvador Deli.
7,054	I can tell a train has been through here recently... You know how I can tell? Cause there is its tracks.
7,055	Why shouldn't white people swim? Crackers get soggy when wet.
7,056	What do terrorists eat when its sunny? Choc-ISIS
7,057	I like my coffee like I like my women. Strong and Bitter
7,058	What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex Honey I'm home
7,059	Guys who say they like girls who don't wear makeup really mean they like girls that look really hot without the help of makeup.
7,060	How do you know you are at a picnic with gay men? All the hot dogs taste like shit
7,061	Next time, instead of complaining about how bad you have it, think about other people, and how to make things bad for them.
7,062	Horse trots up and says to mirror: "why the long face?" Mirror says "It's okay, I'm just a bit reflective today." I'll be here all week folks.
7,063	"You have 15 seconds to convince me of why I should call you back. Good luck." - my voicemail message
7,064	TIFU by making my husband the wrong sandwich Oops, wrong sub!
7,065	It's the eye of the tiger. It's the spleen of a sheep.
7,066	What's the difference between peanut butter and jam You can't peanut butter your dick up someone's ass
7,067	What is 6.9? A really good time ruined by a period.
7,068	How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. But I don't know how they got in there.
7,069	Why does a dog? Why does a dog lick its butt? To get the taste of dog food out of its mouth.
7,070	Why are libraries so strict? Because they have to go by the book.
7,071	Went to Bingo yesterday, Got two fat ladies... Worst 3some ever.
7,072	Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it's Wednesday.
7,073	I wonder if clouds look down on us and say shit like "That one's shaped like an idiot."
7,074	Can't decide if I should start this laundry or fake my own death.
7,075	What did the Reddit admins do for Christmas? [removed]
7,076	What idiot called them atheists instead of non-parishables?
7,077	All Condoms have serial numbers on them- They do? I've never seen one- Yeah, C'mon, you know..Big numbers...at the...Oh... I guess you've never had to roll one back that far....
7,078	If 4 people have sex is called a four-some 3 people have sex is a three-some and 2 people have sex is a two-some Now you know why they call me handsome
7,079	Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field
7,080	How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
7,081	reverse racism the biggest joke of all
7,082	A man would never say... STOP SUCKING MY DICK OR I'LL CALL THE POLICE!
7,083	Did you hear Ben and Jerry's are naming a flavor in honor of Jerry Sandusky? They are calling it Raspberry Turnover
7,084	Professor: What is an independent variable? Student: A variable who don't need no man
7,085	I went to specsavers the other day.. ...guess who I bumped into? Everyone!
7,086	Why did Bill Cosby go to Japan with a bag of roofies? He had Jello fever!
7,087	What did the Buffalo say to his son that was leaving for College? Bison
7,088	me: "4,000 for a beehive?" salesman: "sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each" me: [checking my wallet] "give me 3 bees"
7,089	Fun Fact: If you lie down in an aisle at Walmart for a couple hours, they will tag you and put you in a clearance bin.
7,090	How do you play Iraqi bingo? F18...B52...F18
7,091	What's the difference?? What's the difference between Cinderella and Princess Diana? At midnight Cinderella's car didn't turn into a wall.
7,092	Save the date! Someone is trying to ruin it by having a wedding.
7,093	Forget waterboarding... I'm ready to tell this damn popcorn kernel stuck in my tooth everything it wants to know.
7,094	good news and bad news. bad news is the dog pissed on the bed "we don't have a dog" smiles getting ready to deliver the good news
7,095	I can't believe how much I cried after that recent episode of the Game of Thrones! "There will be no walk of atonement." Sigh.
7,096	Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your genes!
7,097	I like my weekdays like Marx likes his societies. Classless.
7,098	Q: What do you call that great feeling of satisfaction you get when you finish your homework? A: The aftermath.
7,099	What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant praying mantis.
7,100	What's it called when the queen farts? Helium Neon Argon Krypton Xenon Radon

7,001

What does your mom and a rain forest have in common? If you look deep enough in the bush, you might find a cockatoo.

7,002

Why did the feminist cross the road? To suck my cock!

7,003

Cocaine I tried and failed to use cocaine. It kept falling off the mirror in the bathroom.

7,004

A book fell on my head the other day, I only have my shelf to blame

7,005

Did you hear about that free-range astrophysicist buffalo? His name was Neil. Neil da Grass-fed Bison.

7,006

What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff.

7,007

Knock Knock Who's there ! Aldo ! Aldo who ? Aldo anywhere with you !

7,008

Yo momma's so fat... She got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book.

7,009

What do Nazi Germany and vaginas have in common? Their tendency to subjugate poles.

7,010

There is a fine line between "important to me" and "dead to me." Don't walk it.

7,011

How can you call someone and sound fabulous? Use a homophone.

7,012

I have a confession to make. I've been having sex with my staff. What's worse is I'm self employed!!!! Badaboom!

7,013

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.

7,014

Don't be afraid to be open-minded. Your brain isn't going to fall out.

7,015

I wish I could erase my memory of certain movies so I could watch them again for the first time.

7,016

Approach a woman in a bar and whisper "Hey, wanna get out of here?" If she says yes, you can sit where she was.

7,017

How many communists died during ww2? not enough

7,018

What did the bee say to his wife? No on knows. It's a Mister Bee.

7,019

If a duck and a elephant were to vote They'd vote for donald trunk

7,020

What did the spice merchant say when someone knocked on his door? Cumin!

7,021

Bigfoot walks into a bar.. The bartender is no longer able to discern reality and spends the rest of his life in a mental institution.

7,022

What do black people and Apple Inc. have in common? They have no jobs

7,023

How can you tell an old person from a young person? An old person can sing and brush their teeth at the same time.

7,024

How does a neckbeard make a scotch egg? He has to Breddit

7,025

Where do most black people work? In jail

7,026

What do you call? What do you call a donkey with three legs?? A wonkey!!

7,027

Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg out, Put -spider hokey pokey

7,028

For sale: Standards. Mint condition. Barely used.

7,029

Had a very hot curry last night and now my asshole is on fire ... I'm suffering from deja vindaloo.

7,030

One man's girlfriend is another man's Twitter password.

7,031

Girl, do you have a defibrillator? Cause my heart stops everytime I see you

7,032

Fact: 9/10 people enjoy date rape

7,033

Your mom's got eight vaginas and a Ph.D. We call her Dr. Octopus.

7,034

What do you call a hirsute ceramicist? Hairy Potter

7,035

Son: Dad can sand melt? Me putting down my glass: Don't be ridiculous of course it can't

7,036

What do you call a redhead with a yeast infection? Gingerbread

7,037

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!

7,038

To understand the difference between Italians and Canadians all you need to know is two things. Italian sausage and Canadian bacon...

7,039

Cakeday special - what did the Chinese gangster do? Made him an offer he couldn't understand

7,040

I hope Jessica Biel names her first child Batmo.

7,041

What's the difference between parsley.... and pussy? Nobody eats parsley anymore.

7,042

How do you plug a plow into a car stereo? Through the ox input.

7,043

Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.

7,044

What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist? A stroke of genius.

7,045

Two things I will never understand the appeal of: 1) Open relationships 2) Hairless cats

7,046

A local census says that on average, 1 in every 4 guys is gay I hope it's Dave- i think he's kinda cute

7,047

Every time I see the headline 'tragedy on film set' I think oh god m knight shymalan is making another goddamn movie

7,048

Last night I wrote myself a letter. But I forgot to sign it and now I don't know who it's from.

7,049

My doctor gave me six months to live. I told him I couldn't pay my bill. He gave me another six months.

7,050

A cubical is a great place to reflect on all the bad decisions you've made in your life

7,051

I asked my yoga teacher what my purpose in life is she said " To inspire and then expire"

7,052

What do you call a cross between a donkey and an onion? A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye

7,053

What do you call a person who makes surrealist sandwiches? Salvador Deli.

7,054

I can tell a train has been through here recently... You know how I can tell? Cause there is its tracks.

7,055

Why shouldn't white people swim? Crackers get soggy when wet.

7,056

What do terrorists eat when its sunny? Choc-ISIS

7,057

I like my coffee like I like my women. Strong and Bitter

7,058

What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex Honey I'm home

7,059

Guys who say they like girls who don't wear makeup really mean they like girls that look really hot without the help of makeup.

7,060

How do you know you are at a picnic with gay men? All the hot dogs taste like shit

7,061

Next time, instead of complaining about how bad you have it, think about other people, and how to make things bad for them.

7,062

Horse trots up and says to mirror: "why the long face?" Mirror says "It's okay, I'm just a bit reflective today." I'll be here all week folks.

7,063

"You have 15 seconds to convince me of why I should call you back. Good luck." - my voicemail message

7,064

TIFU by making my husband the wrong sandwich Oops, wrong sub!

7,065

It's the eye of the tiger. It's the spleen of a sheep.

7,066

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam You can't peanut butter your dick up someone's ass

7,067

What is 6.9? A really good time ruined by a period.

7,068

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. But I don't know how they got in there.

7,069

Why does a dog? Why does a dog lick its butt? To get the taste of dog food out of its mouth.

7,070

Why are libraries so strict? Because they have to go by the book.

7,071

Went to Bingo yesterday, Got two fat ladies... Worst 3some ever.

7,072

Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it's Wednesday.

7,073

I wonder if clouds look down on us and say shit like "That one's shaped like an idiot."

7,074

Can't decide if I should start this laundry or fake my own death.

7,075

What did the Reddit admins do for Christmas? [removed]

7,076

What idiot called them atheists instead of non-parishables?

7,077

All Condoms have serial numbers on them- They do? I've never seen one- Yeah, C'mon, you know..Big numbers...at the...Oh... I guess you've never had to roll one back that far....

7,078

If 4 people have sex is called a four-some 3 people have sex is a three-some and 2 people have sex is a two-some Now you know why they call me handsome

7,079

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field

7,080

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

7,081

reverse racism the biggest joke of all

7,082

A man would never say... STOP SUCKING MY DICK OR I'LL CALL THE POLICE!

7,083

Did you hear Ben and Jerry's are naming a flavor in honor of Jerry Sandusky? They are calling it Raspberry Turnover

7,084

Professor: What is an independent variable? Student: A variable who don't need no man

7,085

I went to specsavers the other day.. ...guess who I bumped into? Everyone!

7,086

Why did Bill Cosby go to Japan with a bag of roofies? He had Jello fever!

7,087

What did the Buffalo say to his son that was leaving for College? Bison

7,088

me: "4,000 for a beehive?" salesman: "sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each" me: [checking my wallet] "give me 3 bees"

7,089

Fun Fact: If you lie down in an aisle at Walmart for a couple hours, they will tag you and put you in a clearance bin.

7,090

How do you play Iraqi bingo? F18...B52...F18

7,091

What's the difference?? What's the difference between Cinderella and Princess Diana? At midnight Cinderella's car didn't turn into a wall.

7,092

Save the date! Someone is trying to ruin it by having a wedding.

7,093

Forget waterboarding... I'm ready to tell this damn popcorn kernel stuck in my tooth everything it wants to know.

7,094

good news and bad news. bad news is the dog pissed on the bed "we don't have a dog" *smiles getting ready to deliver the good news*

7,095

I can't believe how much I cried after that recent episode of the Game of Thrones! "*There will be no walk of atonement."* Sigh.

7,096

Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your genes!

7,097

I like my weekdays like Marx likes his societies. Classless.

7,098

Q: What do you call that great feeling of satisfaction you get when you finish your homework? A: The aftermath.

7,099

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant praying mantis.

7,100

What's it called when the queen farts? Helium Neon Argon Krypton Xenon Radon