ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
6,801	Why do hippies like corduroy? Because the material is so groovy.
6,802	I asked a pregnant woman if she would have sex with me. She said "no, I don't do threesomes".
6,803	What do you call an Asian prize fighter who's dad has a serious case of diarrhea? A slap happy jappy with a crap happy pappy
6,804	People who like shitty lite pop-rock are lucky. They get to hear their favorite music in department stores and at the dentist.
6,805	What's the difference between Whose Line is it Anway and /r/jokes? On Whose Line is it Anyway, everything is made up.
6,806	Robocop smashes tail light Uh oh, that's a citation He drops a bag of weed Damn that's 20 years Robohippie starts to sweat
6,807	Give a man a fish & he'll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That's weird" Teach a man to fish & he'll be all "Again with the fish?"
6,808	50 shades of grey After reading 50 Shades of Grey my wife asked me to tie her tightly to the bed. "Now what?" I asked. "Hurt me!" "Ok. You have saggy tits"
6,809	Vacationing in Switzerland "So did you enjoy the beautiful scenery?" "I couldn't really see much because of the mountains."
6,810	Light is useful It helps us 'c' things.
6,811	Watched Avatar again and long story short, can you untie my ponytail from this horse?
6,812	Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
6,813	What do you call a native american cook a sioux chef
6,814	I like my coffee like I like my women! I'm sure whatever you've got is fine. I'm pretty happy with anything.
6,815	What do Indian flowers grow? Patels (this may or may not have been inspired by a dumb facebook post I saw)
6,816	Two guys walked into a bar.. You would think one of them would of ducked!
6,817	An old man was having a check up.... The doctor asked how hid erections were doing. "They come and go."
6,818	No matter what people think of you, walk around with your head held high. Multiple chins are not cute.
6,819	CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice
6,820	Why does Elton John play the piano? Because he sucks on an organ.
6,821	Just reported a car as being stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the rear window are white.
6,822	Shout out to the sense of wonder in the eyes of children. Also to pistachios. I'll eat a shit ton of pistachios. Mmmm pistachios.
6,823	My parents kidnapped me. I was then born.
6,824	I asked my 3yo daughter if I should get a minivan... She said, no, you should get a Daisy van.
6,825	A recent study showed that 93% of the people in Detroit have had shower sex The other 7% have not been to jail.
6,826	If you pitch a non-superhero, non-remake, non-sequel film in Hollywood they send your family to a work camp.
6,827	Him: I think you're my soul mate. Me: I'm so SO sorry for you.
6,828	I'll apologize for burning your house down if you apologize for telling me I "overreact."
6,829	Why are blacks excited for 2016? Because it is the year of the monkey.
6,830	[finally rich enough to go to a tailor] "How can I help you sir?" One clothes please!
6,831	The local high school volley ball team was having a game against the police force. It was time for the police to protect and serve.
6,832	Jokes about fat people aren't funny. They just don't work out.
6,833	Johnny Depp is to Tim Burton what Tyler Perry is to Tyler Perry.
6,834	Q: How did a blind woman pierce her ear? A: Answering the stapler.
6,835	A shower so cold, you call it by your exes name
6,836	You know what really grinds my gears? Not pushing my clutch pedal down far enough
6,837	Hey, did you hear about the Mexican-Indian twins that just moved in next door? They're identical too! Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
6,838	What did the Frenchman say when he saw a dirty toilet? Eau de Toilette! (eww, the toilet)
6,839	Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
6,840	When my wife told me to stop imitating flamingos, I had to put my foot down
6,841	My Muslim girlfriend wants to blow me Should I be excited or call the cops?
6,842	What do you get if you play a C&W song backwards? Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back.
6,843	Why did the girl reject iron oxide? Because it was FeO
6,844	Alcohol is photoshop for real life.
6,845	Why did my ex gf Fav my tweet where I announced that I got laid off. Why did you do that sharon
6,846	I'm turning to Reddit to help crowdsource an OC joke about defective condoms but it's all been a bust. You pricks keep poking holes in it.
6,847	How do you solve world hunger and poverty simultaneously? By feeding the poor to the hungry.
6,848	why did princess Diana cross the road? she wasnt wearing her seatbelt....
6,849	Dark comedy is... Like water.......not everyone gets it.
6,850	Never threaten anyone. It spoils the surprise.
6,851	Girlfriend: Ok you hang up :-) Boyfriend: No You hang up first :-) Girlfriend: no you first Boyfriend: No you first NSA: both of you hang up
6,852	What bus crossed the Atlantic Ocean? Columbus
6,853	How to get laid: Step 1: Be an egg Step 2: That's literally it
6,854	What U.S. State has the smallest sodas? Minisoda
6,855	Why did Jon Snow become a spokesman for Rolex? For the time piece.
6,856	What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A virgin.
6,857	I have a great ebola joke! You probably won't get it
6,858	Just heard local reports of a stalker, which is funny because I watch everyone through their windows and none of them look suspicious
6,859	Guy at the Apple store suggested I turn off my phone once a week, so I slapped his face and ran out of the store crying.
6,860	Two pharaohs farted at the same time. They had a toot in common.
6,861	A lion wouldn't cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood
6,862	What's blue and sits on the toilet? A policeman doing his duty!
6,863	There was a new machine at the gym today. I had to stop using it after an hour as i felt sick, but it was worth it got through 4 kit kats 2 cherry cokes and 2 packets of crisps.
6,864	It's 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again.
6,865	Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? Because it's pecker is on its head.
6,866	Oh good, I've made this mistake before so I know what to expect.
6,867	They say choose a major you love and you'll never work a day in your life... because that field probably isn't hiring.
6,868	I imagine one day my dearest friends will say at my funeral, "Wow. What an idiot. Who chokes to death on orange sherbet?"
6,869	Men. Can't live with 'em...can't finish this joke unless I wanna be single the rest of my life.
6,870	A guy walks into a bar and asks "Do you serve lawyers?" The bartender responds "Yes, of course!" The man then says "Well then. I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator."
6,871	Why are bananas so popular? Because they have appeal
6,872	What is the suicide emergency hotline number in Brazil? 127 Edit: [for clarification](http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/matches/round=255955/match=300186474/)
6,873	describes my ideal woman to police sketch artist "And I need you guys to find her by 9 tonight cuz this buffet coupon is about to expire."
6,874	What's in a white mans pants and more than 4 inches long? Nothing
6,875	Gf:Do u love me? Me:Yes. Gf:Why do u love me? Me:You're the best. Gf:I'm the best at what? Me:Asking questions. Gf: Like what? Me:...
6,876	If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
6,877	Fun prank: 1: steal your married friends phone 2: change your name to "Brandi from the club" 3: call them repeatedly and hang up at 3AM
6,878	"Can I get a do-over?" - Me, playing golf, tennis (or pretty much any sport), taking a test, having sex, making a speech, living my life....
6,879	I was glad to see the back of my ex-girlfriend! She always insisted on having sex doggy-style....
6,880	I just saw a group of pandas pooping on the ground together What an embarrassment
6,881	Why does a white guy go to a brothel? For pleasure. Why does a black guy go to a brothel? He's looking for his mother.
6,882	Did you hear about the mutant that had a sex change? She's an Ex-Man
6,883	If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?
6,884	What's a pirate's favorite workout program? Pirates (pronounced like pilates)
6,885	My friend told me his favourite word was 'many' It doesnt mean much to me...
6,886	How is God just like every other man? If you're not on your knees, he's not interested.
6,887	Yo moma is so... good looking, what happened you? edit: premature ejokulation
6,888	The entire city of Detroit burned down last night. Estimated damage is $6.
6,889	My friend has a compulsion to eat everything in sight, and as a result, he's put on a lot of weight... You might say he suffers from OBCD.
6,890	I tried to start a band called "999 megs"! Never did get a gig :(
6,891	I told my dog to bark. He said, "howwwl loud."
6,892	Do you know what makes pink lemonade pink? Strawberries.
6,893	Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water? She was taking god's name in vein.
6,894	Why aren't there any knock knock jokes about America? Because Freedom Rings.
6,895	What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick
6,896	Did you hear about the Indian who drank 4 gallons of tea? They found him dead the next day in his tea pee.
6,897	Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
6,898	My Grandma's church was odd in that they worshipped paintings. Very weird. Every week they would stand up and sing "How Great Thou Art"
6,899	When people write, "your dumb," maybe it's not a typo--they just mean stupidity belongs to you. "Here's your dumb now leave."
6,900	Today I asked the Director of Admissions at my University what the best thing about her job was... And she said, "Well, I gotta admit..."

6,801

Why do hippies like corduroy? Because the material is so groovy.

6,802

I asked a pregnant woman if she would have sex with me. She said "no, I don't do threesomes".

6,803

What do you call an Asian prize fighter who's dad has a serious case of diarrhea? A slap happy jappy with a crap happy pappy

6,804

People who like shitty lite pop-rock are lucky. They get to hear their favorite music in department stores and at the dentist.

6,805

What's the difference between Whose Line is it Anway and /r/jokes? On Whose Line is it Anyway, *everything* is made up.

6,806

*Robocop smashes tail light* Uh oh, that's a citation *He drops a bag of weed* Damn that's 20 years *Robohippie starts to sweat*

6,807

Give a man a fish & he'll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That's weird" Teach a man to fish & he'll be all "Again with the fish?"

6,808

50 shades of grey After reading 50 Shades of Grey my wife asked me to tie her tightly to the bed. "Now what?" I asked. "Hurt me!" "Ok. You have saggy tits"

6,809

Vacationing in Switzerland "So did you enjoy the beautiful scenery?" "I couldn't really see much because of the mountains."

6,810

Light is useful It helps us 'c' things.

6,811

Watched Avatar again and long story short, can you untie my ponytail from this horse?

6,812

Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.

6,813

What do you call a native american cook a sioux chef

6,814

I like my coffee like I like my women! I'm sure whatever you've got is fine. I'm pretty happy with anything.

6,815

What do Indian flowers grow? Patels (this may or may not have been inspired by a dumb facebook post I saw)

6,816

Two guys walked into a bar.. You would think one of them would of ducked!

6,817

An old man was having a check up.... The doctor asked how hid erections were doing. "They come and go."

6,818

No matter what people think of you, walk around with your head held high. Multiple chins are not cute.

6,819

CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice

6,820

Why does Elton John play the piano? Because he sucks on an organ.

6,821

Just reported a car as being stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the rear window are white.

6,822

Shout out to the sense of wonder in the eyes of children. Also to pistachios. I'll eat a shit ton of pistachios. Mmmm pistachios.

6,823

My parents kidnapped me. I was then born.

6,824

I asked my 3yo daughter if I should get a minivan... She said, no, you should get a Daisy van.

6,825

A recent study showed that 93% of the people in Detroit have had shower sex The other 7% have not been to jail.

6,826

If you pitch a non-superhero, non-remake, non-sequel film in Hollywood they send your family to a work camp.

6,827

Him: I think you're my soul mate. Me: I'm so SO sorry for you.

6,828

I'll apologize for burning your house down if you apologize for telling me I "overreact."

6,829

Why are blacks excited for 2016? Because it is the year of the monkey.

6,830

[finally rich enough to go to a tailor] "How can I help you sir?" One clothes please!

6,831

The local high school volley ball team was having a game against the police force. It was time for the police to protect and serve.

6,832

Jokes about fat people aren't funny. They just don't work out.

6,833

Johnny Depp is to Tim Burton what Tyler Perry is to Tyler Perry.

6,834

Q: How did a blind woman pierce her ear? A: Answering the stapler.

6,835

A shower so cold, you call it by your exes name

6,836

You know what really grinds my gears? Not pushing my clutch pedal down far enough

6,837

Hey, did you hear about the Mexican-Indian twins that just moved in next door? They're identical too! Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.

6,838

What did the Frenchman say when he saw a dirty toilet? Eau de Toilette! (eww, the toilet)

6,839

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

6,840

When my wife told me to stop imitating flamingos, I had to put my foot down

6,841

My Muslim girlfriend wants to blow me Should I be excited or call the cops?

6,842

What do you get if you play a C&W song backwards? Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back.

6,843

Why did the girl reject iron oxide? Because it was FeO

6,844

Alcohol is photoshop for real life.

6,845

Why did my ex gf Fav my tweet where I announced that I got laid off. Why did you do that sharon

6,846

I'm turning to Reddit to help crowdsource an OC joke about defective condoms but it's all been a bust. You pricks keep poking holes in it.

6,847

How do you solve world hunger and poverty simultaneously? By feeding the poor to the hungry.

6,848

why did princess Diana cross the road? she wasnt wearing her seatbelt....

6,849

Dark comedy is... Like water.......not everyone gets it.

6,850

Never threaten anyone. It spoils the surprise.

6,851

Girlfriend: Ok you hang up :-) Boyfriend: No You hang up first :-) Girlfriend: no you first Boyfriend: No you first NSA: both of you hang up

6,852

What bus crossed the Atlantic Ocean? Columbus

6,853

How to get laid: Step 1: Be an egg Step 2: That's literally it

6,854

What U.S. State has the smallest sodas? Minisoda

6,855

Why did Jon Snow become a spokesman for Rolex? For the time piece.

6,856

What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A virgin.

6,857

I have a great ebola joke! You probably won't get it

6,858

Just heard local reports of a stalker, which is funny because I watch everyone through their windows and none of them look suspicious

6,859

Guy at the Apple store suggested I turn off my phone once a week, so I slapped his face and ran out of the store crying.

6,860

Two pharaohs farted at the same time. They had a toot in common.

6,861

A lion wouldn't cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood

6,862

What's blue and sits on the toilet? A policeman doing his duty!

6,863

There was a new machine at the gym today. I had to stop using it after an hour as i felt sick, but it was worth it got through 4 kit kats 2 cherry cokes and 2 packets of crisps.

6,864

It's 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again.

6,865

Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? Because it's pecker is on its head.

6,866

Oh good, I've made this mistake before so I know what to expect.

6,867

They say choose a major you love and you'll never work a day in your life... because that field probably isn't hiring.

6,868

I imagine one day my dearest friends will say at my funeral, "Wow. What an idiot. Who chokes to death on orange sherbet?"

6,869

Men. Can't live with 'em...can't finish this joke unless I wanna be single the rest of my life.

6,870

A guy walks into a bar and asks "Do you serve lawyers?" The bartender responds "Yes, of course!" The man then says "Well then. I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator."

6,871

Why are bananas so popular? Because they have appeal

6,872

What is the suicide emergency hotline number in Brazil? 127 Edit: [for clarification](http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/matches/round=255955/match=300186474/)

6,873

*describes my ideal woman to police sketch artist* "And I need you guys to find her by 9 tonight cuz this buffet coupon is about to expire."

6,874

What's in a white mans pants and more than 4 inches long? Nothing

6,875

Gf:Do u love me? Me:Yes. Gf:Why do u love me? Me:You're the best. Gf:I'm the best at what? Me:Asking questions. Gf: Like what? Me:...

6,876

If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.

6,877

Fun prank: 1: steal your married friends phone 2: change your name to "Brandi from the club" 3: call them repeatedly and hang up at 3AM

6,878

"Can I get a do-over?" - Me, playing golf, tennis (or pretty much any sport), taking a test, having sex, making a speech, living my life....

6,879

I was glad to see the back of my ex-girlfriend! She always insisted on having sex doggy-style....

6,880

I just saw a group of pandas pooping on the ground together What an embarrassment

6,881

Why does a white guy go to a brothel? For pleasure. Why does a black guy go to a brothel? He's looking for his mother.

6,882

Did you hear about the mutant that had a sex change? She's an Ex-Man

6,883

If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?

6,884

What's a pirate's favorite workout program? Pirates (pronounced like pilates)

6,885

My friend told me his favourite word was 'many' It doesnt mean much to me...

6,886

How is God just like every other man? If you're not on your knees, he's not interested.

6,887

Yo moma is so... good looking, what happened you? edit: premature ejokulation

6,888

The entire city of Detroit burned down last night. Estimated damage is $6.

6,889

My friend has a compulsion to eat everything in sight, and as a result, he's put on a lot of weight... You might say he suffers from OBCD.

6,890

I tried to start a band called "999 megs"! Never did get a gig :(

6,891

I told my dog to bark. He said, "howwwl loud."

6,892

Do you know what makes pink lemonade pink? Strawberries.

6,893

Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water? She was taking god's name in vein.

6,894

Why aren't there any knock knock jokes about America? Because Freedom Rings.

6,895

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

6,896

Did you hear about the Indian who drank 4 gallons of tea? They found him dead the next day in his tea pee.

6,897

Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.

6,898

My Grandma's church was odd in that they worshipped paintings. Very weird. Every week they would stand up and sing "How Great Thou Art"

6,899

When people write, "your dumb," maybe it's not a typo--they just mean stupidity belongs to you. "Here's your dumb now leave."

6,900

Today I asked the Director of Admissions at my University what the best thing about her job was... And she said, "Well, I gotta admit..."