ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
6,601	Yeah, hi, I'd like 500 pizzas over the course of the next 10 years delivered to wherever I am in the world, thanks.
6,602	My thoughts are as pure as snow... after the trucks have driven hard and plowed through it.
6,603	I wonder if Satan ever gets tired of getting Xmas letters from dyslexic kids.
6,604	What the sound of a rainbow laughing? Hue hue hue hue
6,605	I auditioned for a role in Star Wars: The Force Awakens Unfortunately, I was a white male.
6,606	Mom, am I ugly? "Of course not, honey. You have everything a man wants, a deep voice, broad shoulders, facial hair..."
6,607	What was Sisyphus's favourite type of music? Rock 'n' Roll
6,608	Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn walk into the UN.. Then proceed to lecture them on bullying.
6,609	How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you next Friday.
6,610	Why did the tofu cross the road? To prove it wasn't chicken. >:\|
6,611	[at a spelling bee] Judge: Your word is SPELL. Witch: mumbles something under her breath Judge: Ribbit
6,612	My dentist told me I grind at night I was unaware he even saw me at the club
6,613	Jokes about abusive parents... ...just hit too close to home.
6,614	Can't be an atheist after getting in a subway car with no a/c because u now know hell is real
6,615	A wife gets naked... ...and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my sexy body?' Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'
6,616	Why did the chicken of the sea cross the road? Because a tuna can!
6,617	You should never bully fat people.... They have enough on their plates
6,618	Q: Why are all blacks fast? A: The slow ones are in jail.
6,619	Every religion has violent people... ... The Christians have The Westboro Baptist Church, the Muslims have the jihadists, and the Jews have the IRS
6,620	POLLY GETS A CRACKER WHEN HE STOPS REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON, and not a moment before. Stupid bird.
6,621	I fired a man named Diarrhea today... His shit wasn't together
6,622	What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-oh acid
6,623	Knock Knock Who's there ! Courtney Pine ! Courtney Pine who ? Courtney Pine tables I need a new one !
6,624	Opinions are like assholes... Everyone has one, but they all stink.
6,625	The jokes on you Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
6,626	Whosoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble... You have my Word.
6,627	My dad keeps throwing erasers at me... My dad keeps throwing erasers at me and I finally snapped, "Why dad!" he replied "the first rubber I used didn't get rid of my mistake, maybe this one will"
6,628	I was going to have an edging tournament with some friends... ...but nobody came.
6,629	What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck and.... ....I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore.
6,630	GOD: Go forth, my tiny friends! ANTS: Hooray! ANGEL: Ok next creation ... The anteater. ANTS: The what now?
6,631	I'm not positive, but I think when you say you're "over" something, YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.
6,632	How do you stop rape? NSFW Consent.
6,633	What kind of dog doesn't do well in hot weather? A faint Bernard!
6,634	Remember that time when we got trapped on a ski-lift for 4 days, then the acid wore off and we were just sitting on my grandmas porch-swing.
6,635	What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick down your throat.
6,636	muttered from inside a bear "Go hiking," they said.
6,637	That's pretty cool that Mary Shelley wrote Heidi Montag's biography before she was even born. #Frankenstien
6,638	Love is blind, only marriage opens your eyes.
6,639	What exactly is the difference between a New York City Park bathroom and a Law & Order crime scene?
6,640	My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week... It ended when I told her "We've been getting along really well lately".
6,641	I keep forgetting my passwords so I changed them all to one that's super easy for me to remember: InsufficientFundsContactYourBank00.00
6,642	AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A WINDOWS 7 PARTY 'CAUSE A WINDOWS 7 PARTY DON'T STFILE \$win_nt$.~bt\NTKRNLMP.EXE cannot be open error 7
6,643	What do you call a blind german guy? A not see.
6,644	How did Jesus get so ripped? 39 lashes.
6,645	An Asian girl walks up to me in a bar. She says *"Sex sex sex, free sex tonight!"* Apparently she was giving me her number.
6,646	What was Bob Marley's favourite font? Sans Sheriff!
6,647	Winrar is not free
6,648	What does a man say after sex? Nothing, he's happy and content with life.
6,649	Are you from Mississippi? Cause you're the only miss I ssippi. (I have no clue)
6,650	A redhead tells her blonde stepsister... ..."I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
6,651	What do you call a fat female assassin? A killer whale.
6,652	Damn boy, are you fresh ground pepper? Coz you're kinda boring and you've been on top of everything.
6,653	I have a weird quirk when watching Star Wars I wait for when someone is going to yell, "R2!" and yell out "Am not!"
6,654	What's a redneck's favorite type of bread? Inbred
6,655	Our 2-year-old is entertaining everyone at the restaurant by screeching like a seagull every fifteen seconds.
6,656	Stevie Wonder got a cheesegrater for Christmas. He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.
6,657	Paddy wanted to buy a Labrador.. Mick said "Fuck that, have you seen how many of their owners go blind!"
6,658	My girlfriend told me that she had slept with 144 people before me. Now that's just gross.
6,659	Jesus said that he'd get rid of evil people, whereas Norse gods said they'd get rid of frost giants. nnI don't see many frost giants around.
6,660	If Natalie Portman dated Jacques Cousteau they would win celebrity couple nicknaming forever with "Portmanteau."
6,661	When the doctor prescribed the millennium a medical dog he was surprised the patient asked "how do i smoke it"
6,662	Charlie Sheen walks into a bar... And orders a drink or two. Or three. Or four. And then gets into a barfight.
6,663	I know it's not safe but our taxi driver keeps falling asleep at every light and it's getting hilarious
6,664	What did the physicists say when he accidentally broke his resistor? my ghosh
6,665	Thank you for calling. To speak with a human being, please hang up and travel back to the early 1990's.
6,666	How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's already screwed in! heh. chirp chirp
6,667	Where do guys who buy hookers, mountain lions, and cantelopes go for the summer? John Cougar Meloncamp An old joke I haven't heard in ages.
6,668	The fun thing about wigs is when someone complements you on your hair, you can rip it off and say, "Here. Take it. No, I insist."
6,669	how to get a fat chick in bed... It's a piece of cake!
6,670	I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
6,671	How do we create jobs? I thought he was already dead
6,672	Relationship are like algebra... Do you ever look at your X and wonder Y?
6,673	What happens when you get more than you payed for with a Mexican Gigolo? The second coming of Jesus.
6,674	What did the bra say to the toupee? You go on ahead, I'll hold these two up.
6,675	Fun way to prank Jesus is to invite him snorkeling haha he'd be stuck on top walking on the water while ur underneath having all the fun
6,676	What do you call a hypnotist that works with wealthy children during the summer? an heir conditioner.
6,677	Things that are better left unsaid 1. 2. 3.
6,678	My wife is so married that she even stopped blowing out the candles on her birthday cake cause she doesn't want me gettin' any ideas.
6,679	What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage? Garbage gets thrown out.
6,680	Did you hear about the abstinent lenses? They never came in contact.
6,681	What's the difference between a boy scout and a jew? The boy scout comes home from camp.
6,682	The fact that we're not calling stepdads "faux pas," seems like a missed opportunity.
6,683	Pick the odd one out... Pick the odd one out: eggs, meat, wife, blowjob. You can beat your eggs, you can beat your meat, you can beat your wife, but you can't beat a blow job
6,684	"You're what you eat" So when will your mum become me?
6,685	Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie? It's a perfect 5/7.
6,686	When I die I want my tombstone to read, "Did stuff".
6,687	Sorry we don't serve time travelers here Two time travelers walk into a bar
6,688	Never trust an atom They make up everything
6,689	What did the woman do that found gold in her vagina? She mined her own business.
6,690	Three men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks. Three ducks walk into a bar. The fourth one humans.
6,691	Just buckled a bottle of Tito's Vodka into the backseat of my car, so I obviously know what it's like to be a mom.
6,692	What has four wheels and flies A Garbage truck
6,693	It's not that Jake couldn't juggle It's that he didn't have the balls to do it
6,694	Little Shop of Horrors should have taken place in Russia. Because in Soviet Russia plant eats you!
6,695	Like most movies. I show big things in my trailer.
6,696	A man walks into a library and says "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology."
6,697	Yoda: Why, afraid of seven, five is? Because six seven eight.
6,698	CNN admits to dating Fox News.
6,699	Where did the King keep his armies? In his sleevies.
6,700	What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.

6,601

Yeah, hi, I'd like 500 pizzas over the course of the next 10 years delivered to wherever I am in the world, thanks.

6,602

My thoughts are as pure as snow... after the trucks have driven hard and plowed through it.

6,603

I wonder if Satan ever gets tired of getting Xmas letters from dyslexic kids.

6,604

What the sound of a rainbow laughing? Hue hue hue hue

6,605

I auditioned for a role in Star Wars: The Force Awakens Unfortunately, I was a white male.

6,606

Mom, am I ugly? "Of course not, honey. You have everything a man wants, a deep voice, broad shoulders, facial hair..."

6,607

What was Sisyphus's favourite type of music? Rock 'n' Roll

6,608

Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn walk into the UN.. Then proceed to lecture them on bullying.

6,609

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you next Friday.

6,610

Why did the tofu cross the road? To prove it wasn't chicken. >:|

6,611

[at a spelling bee] Judge: Your word is SPELL. Witch: *mumbles something under her breath* Judge: Ribbit

6,612

My dentist told me I grind at night I was unaware he even saw me at the club

6,613

Jokes about abusive parents... ...just hit too close to home.

6,614

Can't be an atheist after getting in a subway car with no a/c because u now know hell is real

6,615

A wife gets naked... ...and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my sexy body?' Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'

6,616

Why did the chicken of the sea cross the road? Because a tuna can!

6,617

You should never bully fat people.... They have enough on their plates

6,618

Q: Why are all blacks fast? A: The slow ones are in jail.

6,619

Every religion has violent people... ... The Christians have The Westboro Baptist Church, the Muslims have the jihadists, and the Jews have the IRS

6,620

POLLY GETS A CRACKER WHEN HE STOPS REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON, and not a moment before. Stupid bird.

6,621

I fired a man named Diarrhea today... His shit wasn't together

6,622

What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-oh acid

6,623

Knock Knock Who's there ! Courtney Pine ! Courtney Pine who ? Courtney Pine tables I need a new one !

6,624

Opinions are like assholes... Everyone has one, but they all stink.

6,625

The jokes on you Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."

6,626

Whosoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble... You have my Word.

6,627

My dad keeps throwing erasers at me... My dad keeps throwing erasers at me and I finally snapped, "Why dad!" he replied "the first rubber I used didn't get rid of my mistake, maybe this one will"

6,628

I was going to have an edging tournament with some friends... ...but nobody came.

6,629

What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck and.... ....I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore.

6,630

GOD: Go forth, my tiny friends! ANTS: Hooray! ANGEL: Ok next creation ... The anteater. ANTS: The what now?

6,631

I'm not positive, but I think when you say you're "over" something, YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

6,632

How do you stop rape? **NSFW** Consent.

6,633

What kind of dog doesn't do well in hot weather? A faint Bernard!

6,634

Remember that time when we got trapped on a ski-lift for 4 days, then the acid wore off and we were just sitting on my grandmas porch-swing.

6,635

What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick down your throat.

6,636

*muttered from inside a bear* "Go hiking," they said.

6,637

That's pretty cool that Mary Shelley wrote Heidi Montag's biography before she was even born. #Frankenstien

6,638

Love is blind, only marriage opens your eyes.

6,639

What exactly is the difference between a New York City Park bathroom and a Law & Order crime scene?

6,640

My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week... It ended when I told her "We've been getting along really well lately".

6,641

I keep forgetting my passwords so I changed them all to one that's super easy for me to remember: InsufficientFundsContactYourBank00.00

6,642

AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A WINDOWS 7 PARTY 'CAUSE A WINDOWS 7 PARTY DON'T STFILE \$win_nt$.~bt\NTKRNLMP.EXE cannot be open error 7

6,643

What do you call a blind german guy? A not see.

6,644

How did Jesus get so ripped? 39 lashes.

6,645

An Asian girl walks up to me in a bar. She says ***"Sex sex sex, free sex tonight!"*** Apparently she was giving me her number.

6,646

What was Bob Marley's favourite font? Sans Sheriff!

6,647

Winrar is not free

6,648

What does a man say after sex? Nothing, he's happy and content with life.

6,649

Are you from Mississippi? Cause you're the only miss I ssippi. (I have no clue)

6,650

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister... ..."I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

6,651

What do you call a fat female assassin? A killer whale.

6,652

Damn boy, are you fresh ground pepper? Coz you're kinda boring and you've been on top of everything.

6,653

I have a weird quirk when watching Star Wars I wait for when someone is going to yell, "R2!" and yell out "Am not!"

6,654

What's a redneck's favorite type of bread? Inbred

6,655

Our 2-year-old is entertaining everyone at the restaurant by screeching like a seagull every fifteen seconds.

6,656

Stevie Wonder got a cheesegrater for Christmas. He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.

6,657

Paddy wanted to buy a Labrador.. Mick said "Fuck that, have you seen how many of their owners go blind!"

6,658

My girlfriend told me that she had slept with 144 people before me. Now that's just gross.

6,659

Jesus said that he'd get rid of evil people, whereas Norse gods said they'd get rid of frost giants. nnI don't see many frost giants around.

6,660

If Natalie Portman dated Jacques Cousteau they would win celebrity couple nicknaming forever with "Portmanteau."

6,661

When the doctor prescribed the millennium a medical dog he was surprised the patient asked "how do i smoke it"

6,662

Charlie Sheen walks into a bar... And orders a drink or two. Or three. Or four. And then gets into a barfight.

6,663

I know it's not safe but our taxi driver keeps falling asleep at every light and it's getting hilarious

6,664

What did the physicists say when he accidentally broke his resistor? my ghosh

6,665

Thank you for calling. To speak with a human being, please hang up and travel back to the early 1990's.

6,666

How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's already screwed in! heh. *chirp* *chirp*

6,667

Where do guys who buy hookers, mountain lions, and cantelopes go for the summer? John Cougar Meloncamp An old joke I haven't heard in ages.

6,668

The fun thing about wigs is when someone complements you on your hair, you can rip it off and say, "Here. Take it. No, I insist."

6,669

how to get a fat chick in bed... It's a piece of cake!

6,670

I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.

6,671

How do we create jobs? I thought he was already dead

6,672

Relationship are like algebra... Do you ever look at your X and wonder Y?

6,673

What happens when you get more than you payed for with a Mexican Gigolo? The second coming of Jesus.

6,674

What did the bra say to the toupee? You go on ahead, I'll hold these two up.

6,675

Fun way to prank Jesus is to invite him snorkeling haha he'd be stuck on top walking on the water while ur underneath having all the fun

6,676

What do you call a hypnotist that works with wealthy children during the summer? an heir conditioner.

6,677

Things that are better left unsaid 1. 2. 3.

6,678

My wife is so married that she even stopped blowing out the candles on her birthday cake cause she doesn't want me gettin' any ideas.

6,679

What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage? Garbage gets thrown out.

6,680

Did you hear about the abstinent lenses? They never came in contact.

6,681

What's the difference between a boy scout and a jew? The boy scout comes home from camp.

6,682

The fact that we're not calling stepdads "faux pas," seems like a missed opportunity.

6,683

Pick the odd one out... Pick the odd one out: eggs, meat, wife, blowjob. You can beat your eggs, you can beat your meat, you can beat your wife, but you can't beat a blow job

6,684

"You're what you eat" So when will your mum become me?

6,685

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie? It's a perfect 5/7.

6,686

When I die I want my tombstone to read, "Did stuff".

6,687

Sorry we don't serve time travelers here Two time travelers walk into a bar

6,688

Never trust an atom They make up everything

6,689

What did the woman do that found gold in her vagina? She mined her own business.

6,690

Three men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks. Three ducks walk into a bar. The fourth one humans.

6,691

Just buckled a bottle of Tito's Vodka into the backseat of my car, so I obviously know what it's like to be a mom.

6,692

What has four wheels and flies A Garbage truck

6,693

It's not that Jake couldn't juggle It's that he didn't have the balls to do it

6,694

Little Shop of Horrors should have taken place in Russia. Because in Soviet Russia plant eats you!

6,695

Like most movies. I show big things in my trailer.

6,696

A man walks into a library and says "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology."

6,697

Yoda: Why, afraid of seven, five is? Because six seven eight.

6,698

CNN admits to dating Fox News.

6,699

Where did the King keep his armies? In his sleevies.

6,700

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.