ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
6,501	Googles "what happens if you accidentally eat raw cookie dough" [5 minutes later] "twice"
6,502	What do you call Christopher Walken when he is sitting? Christopher Sitten
6,503	What is a prostitutes favorite food? Anything but blue waffles.
6,504	The best thing about the Earth is if you poke holes in it oil and gas come out.
6,505	Girl hey what's up? Boy if i tell you, will you sit on it? Sex is like a misdmeanor, the kore i miss it, the meaner i get.
6,506	What is a water bottle's favorite game to play? Follow the litre.
6,507	How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher? When the old one expects you to "do your share"
6,508	Two nuns are riding their bikes somewhere... One of the nuns says "I've never come this way before!" Other nun says "Must be the cobblestones."
6,509	How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Dont be silly, feminists cant change anything.
6,510	Why do Arabs wear thawbs? Goats can hear a zipper from a mile away.
6,511	I had a reaction to some nuts the other day.. "These are a bit hairy."
6,512	Dear toilet paper makers, We've all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the middle softer. Sincerely, Our asses.
6,513	How to mess with people To REALLY mess with people, try drinking Gatorade from a Windex bottle.
6,514	Why are chickens racist? They are all in the Coop Clucks Clan
6,515	Girls wait for the perfect guy: Disney's fault. Guys wait for the perfect girl: Playboy's fault.
6,516	How did the captain of the u-boat announce to his crew that there were no more passports to go around? This sub has officially run out of IDs.
6,517	Oscar Pistorius has the worst alibi ever. Who the hell would break into your house to rob your bathroom?
6,518	BREAKING: Pot calls kettle "black". "Racial tension at boiling point" says mayor of kitchen cupboard
6,519	Michael J. Fox is extremely formal... ...he even shakes hands with his wife.
6,520	What did the Dog say to the Chipmunk? Woof.
6,521	"I like my women how I like my sunglasses... Sitting on my face..."
6,522	Whats faster then a Aboriginal with a TV? His son with the xbox.
6,523	A college grad offers her boss sex for a raise j/k she doesn't have a job.
6,524	This afternoon, I was attacked by a group of gay men. I didn't know how to escape. I had to beat them off left and right
6,525	Why isn't there golf in the Paralympics? Because it would be really awkward asking what their handicap was.
6,526	Whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon
6,527	How do you know when there is a bassist at your door? He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
6,528	What fruit did Hillary grind up in her juicer? 13 blackberries and 5 apples
6,529	I told my Mexican student to turn in his essay He said "I ain't no snitch!".
6,530	Where do dogs shop for groceries? Wagmans.
6,531	How does Hitler tie his shoes? In little Nazis.
6,532	On your way to hell, there will be a 6-year-old pushing a shopping cart one foot behind you.
6,533	It's fun being a philosophy major I get to reflect on why I can't pay for food
6,534	What did the animal control officer ask the Hawaiian dancer? Hula the dogs out?
6,535	I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years party... When you hear an arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in.
6,536	A slightly drunk woman is watching tv... She yells, "Don't go there! Don't go up the stairs! Don't go into the church you dumb bitch!" Her husband asks, "What are you watching?" "Our wedding video."
6,537	If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
6,538	Knock Knock Who's there ? Chopin ! Chopin who ? Chopin the supermarket !
6,539	I <3 W... Valentine's day TXT message you send twins if you are unsure which one you are sending the message.
6,540	BISON DAD: good bye, son. BISON SON: thank you, dad.
6,541	Pretty sure that Twitter is not one of the seven habits of highly effective people.
6,542	50 SHADES OF CHARLES HUNNAM Its been reported that actor Charles Hunnam has dropped out of the movie,"50 Shades of Grey" because of cold feet. You can't blame him, cold feet can lead to shrinkage
6,543	What do you call a Russian, homophobic, golfer? Vladimir Putting
6,544	Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!
6,545	kid theres no such thing as bad publicity. like you would think if a big article came out saying you suck shit it would be bad, but its good
6,546	Gene Therapy The act of watching Gene Wilder films to cope with the loss of Gene Wilder. This is the place for wordplay, right?
6,547	Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you.
6,548	A magic tractor was driving down a country road... When suddenly it turned into a field!
6,549	Why is Klezmer music so addictive? Once you Hava Nagila, you'll want another!
6,550	Pretty sure Zinedine Zidane never forgave his parents for all the waiting he had to do for his attendance call in school.
6,551	We should really use the blackjack scale to rate women. For example: "Every girl here is ugly" "Well, what about her? " "Eh, she's like a 15 or 16. Not sure if I'd hit it"
6,552	Did you guys hear about the C++ developer that wanted to become a famous actor? He kept getting type cast.
6,553	I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.
6,554	Two antennas met on a roof... they fell in love, and decided to get married. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was excellent.
6,555	I once knew a girl who confused a tube of KY jelly... for a tube of super glue. I asked her how it happened... her lips were sealed.
6,556	You know why you shouldn't eat spaghetti late at night? Because it'll keep you up Pasta you bedtime.
6,557	:* `twinkle twinkle little star...point me to the nearest bar `*:. HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!
6,558	Confucius say its good to meet girl in the park ...But its better to park meat in the girl.
6,559	A guy I know calls women's periods "shark week." I asked him why, and he told me "Beware of blood in the water. The fearsome beast will bite your head clean off, unprovoked, when you least expect it."
6,560	The guy who proofread Hitler's speeches was a Grammar Nazi.
6,561	[God creating the frog] "How about a really stupid-looking kangaroo fish?"
6,562	What happened to Mr. Chin after all 10 of his children disappeared? He developed a ten Chin deficit disorder.
6,563	What do you call a group of pigs? A precinct.
6,564	The first couple months of the year go by quickly. February just Marches on.
6,565	Being a dog with no legs - it's no walk in the park
6,566	I try to accomplish epic missions before the microwave hits zero.
6,567	what do you call a racist Mexican a member of the que que que
6,568	Yo momma Is so ugly, she has masturbate with a bag over her head.
6,569	Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw it in and one to complain that it's electrified.
6,570	So, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton have split up! It's a bit of a Nightmare before Christmas.
6,571	What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking. J.k, rolling.
6,572	Avenge me! But only through passive aggressively commenting loudly around my murderer how great it would be to still have me alive.
6,573	I wonder if Einstein thought of his theory of general relativity... in New York's Time Squared...
6,574	This day in history. 1961. In Spain the fascist government of Generalissimo Francisco Franco declared equal rights for women and men. None.
6,575	My girlfriend hate when i call her fat And now she want us to break up so i said : What about the baby.
6,576	To all sluts !! Please regulate your whoremones !!
6,577	Relationship Status: we made our marriage counselor cry.
6,578	(Serious) What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died? slowing down his car. ... ... shoutout to r/conspiracy for this one.
6,579	Your "poetic" tweets would be so much better if Adele hadn't thought of them first
6,580	My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox.
6,581	Next time someone says "Thanks!" reply: "You're welx!". It's a cool new abbreviation I made up you can use. Make sure to attribute it to me.
6,582	In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you.
6,583	DJ: "MARRIED PEOPLE IN THE CLUB TONIGHT MAKE SOME NOOOIISE!" Groans Sobs sighs a solitary gunshot
6,584	What do you call a hooker that was shot by a sniper? 360 hoscope
6,585	Joke Did you hear about the man who stoke a bed
6,586	I wonder what my dog named me.
6,587	I once had a small part in a porn movie. It was cold that day.
6,588	ok i'll bite.. what is Britain
6,589	If someone knocks on your door, knock back from the other side. That someone will go away. It works. Trust me, I just tried it this morning.
6,590	Why do they ask you if you would like paper or plastic at the grocery store? Because baggers can't be choosers,
6,591	How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool
6,592	I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.
6,593	I was trying to make a joke about leprechauns... ...but I came up short.
6,594	I wonder if racist families have that one liberal uncle who gets drunk at Thanksgiving and goes on about how Obama is DEFINITELY American.
6,595	I was trying to convince my friend to go fishing the other day. It took a while to convince her, but then she finally agreed and had fun fishing. She eventually fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
6,596	I just want a woman who has a great sense of humor about being a supermodel.
6,597	Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian? A socialist who wants to be king!
6,598	What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass. (Haven't seen this on here, hope its not a repost.)
6,599	[True Love's gf on 7th day of Christmas, forcing smile] awww Swans! how sweet! thx hon, these 7 birds will go nicely with the other 16 birds
6,600	Did u hear about the prostitute with no legs? She's selling it for half off.

6,501

Googles "what happens if you accidentally eat raw cookie dough" [5 minutes later] "twice"

6,502

What do you call Christopher Walken when he is sitting? Christopher Sitten

6,503

What is a prostitutes favorite food? Anything but blue waffles.

6,504

The best thing about the Earth is if you poke holes in it oil and gas come out.

6,505

Girl hey what's up? Boy if i tell you, will you sit on it? Sex is like a misdmeanor, the kore i miss it, the meaner i get.

6,506

What is a water bottle's favorite game to play? Follow the litre.

6,507

How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher? When the old one expects you to "do your share"

6,508

Two nuns are riding their bikes somewhere... One of the nuns says "I've never come this way before!" Other nun says "Must be the cobblestones."

6,509

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Dont be silly, feminists cant change anything.

6,510

Why do Arabs wear thawbs? Goats can hear a zipper from a mile away.

6,511

I had a reaction to some nuts the other day.. "These are a bit hairy."

6,512

Dear toilet paper makers, We've all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the middle softer. Sincerely, Our asses.

6,513

How to mess with people To REALLY mess with people, try drinking Gatorade from a Windex bottle.

6,514

Why are chickens racist? They are all in the Coop Clucks Clan

6,515

Girls wait for the perfect guy: Disney's fault. Guys wait for the perfect girl: Playboy's fault.

6,516

How did the captain of the u-boat announce to his crew that there were no more passports to go around? This sub has officially run out of IDs.

6,517

Oscar Pistorius has the worst alibi ever. Who the hell would break into your house to rob your bathroom?

6,518

BREAKING: Pot calls kettle "black". "Racial tension at boiling point" says mayor of kitchen cupboard

6,519

Michael J. Fox is extremely formal... ...he even shakes hands with his wife.

6,520

What did the Dog say to the Chipmunk? Woof.

6,521

"I like my women how I like my sunglasses... Sitting on my face..."

6,522

Whats faster then a Aboriginal with a TV? His son with the xbox.

6,523

A college grad offers her boss sex for a raise j/k she doesn't have a job.

6,524

This afternoon, I was attacked by a group of gay men. I didn't know how to escape. I had to beat them off left and right

6,525

Why isn't there golf in the Paralympics? Because it would be really awkward asking what their handicap was.

6,526

Whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon

6,527

How do you know when there is a bassist at your door? He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

6,528

What fruit did Hillary grind up in her juicer? 13 blackberries and 5 apples

6,529

I told my Mexican student to turn in his essay He said "I ain't no snitch!".

6,530

Where do dogs shop for groceries? Wagmans.

6,531

How does Hitler tie his shoes? In little Nazis.

6,532

On your way to hell, there will be a 6-year-old pushing a shopping cart one foot behind you.

6,533

It's fun being a philosophy major I get to reflect on why I can't pay for food

6,534

What did the animal control officer ask the Hawaiian dancer? Hula the dogs out?

6,535

I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years party... When you hear an arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in.

6,536

A slightly drunk woman is watching tv... She yells, "Don't go there! Don't go up the stairs! Don't go into the church you dumb bitch!" Her husband asks, "What are you watching?" "Our wedding video."

6,537

If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....

6,538

Knock Knock Who's there ? Chopin ! Chopin who ? Chopin the supermarket !

6,539

I <3 W... Valentine's day TXT message you send twins if you are unsure which one you are sending the message.

6,540

BISON DAD: good bye, son. BISON SON: thank you, dad.

6,541

Pretty sure that Twitter is not one of the seven habits of highly effective people.

6,542

50 SHADES OF CHARLES HUNNAM Its been reported that actor Charles Hunnam has dropped out of the movie,"50 Shades of Grey" because of cold feet. You can't blame him, cold feet can lead to shrinkage

6,543

What do you call a Russian, homophobic, golfer? Vladimir Putting

6,544

Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!

6,545

kid theres no such thing as bad publicity. like you would think if a big article came out saying you suck shit it would be bad, but its good

6,546

Gene Therapy The act of watching Gene Wilder films to cope with the loss of Gene Wilder. This is the place for wordplay, right?

6,547

Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you.

6,548

A magic tractor was driving down a country road... When suddenly it turned into a field!

6,549

Why is Klezmer music so addictive? Once you Hava Nagila, you'll want another!

6,550

Pretty sure Zinedine Zidane never forgave his parents for all the waiting he had to do for his attendance call in school.

6,551

We should really use the blackjack scale to rate women. For example: "Every girl here is ugly" "Well, what about her? " "Eh, she's like a 15 or 16. Not sure if I'd hit it"

6,552

Did you guys hear about the C++ developer that wanted to become a famous actor? He kept getting type cast.

6,553

I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.

6,554

Two antennas met on a roof... they fell in love, and decided to get married. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was excellent.

6,555

I once knew a girl who confused a tube of KY jelly... for a tube of super glue. I asked her how it happened... her lips were sealed.

6,556

You know why you shouldn't eat spaghetti late at night? Because it'll keep you up Pasta you bedtime.

6,557

:* `*twinkle twinkle little star...point me to the nearest bar * `*:. HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!

6,558

Confucius say its good to meet girl in the park ...But its better to park meat in the girl.

6,559

A guy I know calls women's periods "shark week." I asked him why, and he told me "Beware of blood in the water. The fearsome beast will bite your head clean off, unprovoked, when you least expect it."

6,560

The guy who proofread Hitler's speeches was a Grammar Nazi.

6,561

[God creating the frog] "How about a really stupid-looking kangaroo fish?"

6,562

What happened to Mr. Chin after all 10 of his children disappeared? He developed a ten Chin deficit disorder.

6,563

What do you call a group of pigs? A precinct.

6,564

The first couple months of the year go by quickly. February just Marches on.

6,565

Being a dog with no legs - it's no walk in the park

6,566

I try to accomplish epic missions before the microwave hits zero.

6,567

what do you call a racist Mexican a member of the que que que

6,568

Yo momma Is so ugly, she has masturbate with a bag over her head.

6,569

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw it in and one to complain that it's electrified.

6,570

So, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton have split up! It's a bit of a Nightmare before Christmas.

6,571

What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking. J.k, rolling.

6,572

Avenge me! But only through passive aggressively commenting loudly around my murderer how great it would be to still have me alive.

6,573

I wonder if Einstein thought of his theory of general relativity... in New York's Time Squared...

6,574

This day in history. 1961. In Spain the fascist government of Generalissimo Francisco Franco declared equal rights for women and men. None.

6,575

My girlfriend hate when i call her fat And now she want us to break up so i said : What about the baby.

6,576

To all sluts !! Please regulate your whoremones !!

6,577

Relationship Status: we made our marriage counselor cry.

6,578

(Serious) What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died? slowing down his car. ... ... shoutout to r/conspiracy for this one.

6,579

Your "poetic" tweets would be so much better if Adele hadn't thought of them first

6,580

My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox.

6,581

Next time someone says "Thanks!" reply: "You're welx!". It's a cool new abbreviation I made up you can use. Make sure to attribute it to me.

6,582

In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you.

6,583

DJ: "MARRIED PEOPLE IN THE CLUB TONIGHT MAKE SOME NOOOIISE!" *Groans* *Sobs* *sighs* *a solitary gunshot*

6,584

What do you call a hooker that was shot by a sniper? 360 hoscope

6,585

Joke Did you hear about the man who stoke a bed

6,586

I wonder what my dog named me.

6,587

I once had a small part in a porn movie. It was cold that day.

6,588

ok i'll bite.. what is Britain

6,589

If someone knocks on your door, knock back from the other side. That someone will go away. It works. Trust me, I just tried it this morning.

6,590

Why do they ask you if you would like paper or plastic at the grocery store? Because baggers can't be choosers,

6,591

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool

6,592

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.

6,593

I was trying to make a joke about leprechauns... ...but I came up short.

6,594

I wonder if racist families have that one liberal uncle who gets drunk at Thanksgiving and goes on about how Obama is DEFINITELY American.

6,595

I was trying to convince my friend to go fishing the other day. It took a while to convince her, but then she finally agreed and had fun fishing. She eventually fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

6,596

I just want a woman who has a great sense of humor about being a supermodel.

6,597

Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian? A socialist who wants to be king!

6,598

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass. (Haven't seen this on here, hope its not a repost.)

6,599

[True Love's gf on 7th day of Christmas, forcing smile] awww Swans! how sweet! thx hon, these 7 birds will go nicely with the other 16 birds

6,600

Did u hear about the prostitute with no legs? She's selling it for half off.