ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
6,901	Hello. I am Public Restroom. Would you like some toilet paper that melts in the palm of your hand? Here, have some empty soap, my child.
6,902	"Papa who was Hamlet?" "You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was."
6,903	If a groom is a person that takes care of a horse, why don't they call the bride a jockey?
6,904	Slow down in those corduroy pants. You'll ignite a bush fire.
6,905	How many skateboarders does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but it will take him 50 tries to do it.
6,906	What do you call a bunch of people buying non-brand name ice skates? Cheapskates getting cheap skates
6,907	The unused coloring book. Why can't the little girl color the elephant in her coloring book? Her arms are amputated.
6,908	A far right party wins an election in Germany with 60% of the vote. I did nazi that coming
6,909	Jesus spoke to me yesterday... But I don't like talking to my roofers, so I had his brother Juan tell him not to do that in the future.
6,910	What was Hitler's least favourite month? Jew-ne
6,911	Did you hear about the 6 guys and the woman that went fishing? The guys didn't catch anything, but the woman came home with a red snapper.
6,912	what does a Nazi turkey say? "Goebbles Goesbbles"
6,913	If a picture frame doesn't have the word "memories" written on it in giant cursive letters, how do I know what I'm looking at?!
6,914	"Yous shall not pass!" (Gandalfini)
6,915	What is Michal Jackson A Chocolate Cracker (if they exist)
6,916	You might be a redneck if someone shouts hoedown and your girlfriend hits the floor.
6,917	Which baseball team is currently the favourite with hamburger fans? The Cincinnati Reds -because they're the Big Bread Machine!
6,918	What is the deadliest volcano? Mount Kill-a-man-jaro
6,919	I don't understand Fox and Friends. No one on the show is named Fox. Are they friends with a TV channel?
6,920	A man calls in to work sick on a Friday His boss asks him, "Why what's wrong with you?" He replies, "its my eyes boss... I just can't see my ass coming in to work today."
6,921	Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00? Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. EDITED to make joke more apparent
6,922	So doctor how much time do I have left? 10... 10 what? 9, 8....
6,923	How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food? By giving her a Brazilian wax first!
6,924	Someone once told me "If you love something, set it free". I told them not to mind about those noises coming from the basement.
6,925	What do Michael Jackson and Jimmy Savile have in common? they touched some many lives
6,926	What's the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton's emails? The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer.
6,927	My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday. How is she now ? She's fine. But the dog died.
6,928	What do you call a prositute on her period? Unemployed.
6,929	Dad cooks deer for dinner and doesn't tell the kids what it is... He gives them a hint "It's what your mom calls me" The kids respond "It's a fucking dick, don't eat it"
6,930	How does NASA organize their missions. They Planet.
6,931	Why couldn't the motorcycle stand on it's own? because it was too tired.
6,932	Jobs that do not exist anymore Steve
6,933	How is being a Jew like eating a burrito? It's really not a problem until they give you gas.
6,934	Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids... ... ...Eat them!
6,935	What's the difference between an oyster with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea? Well, one you shuck between the fits and the other...
6,936	What do you call someone who is known for being heartless and cold to others? Dead
6,937	"I can't wait until this one orange erases years of poor eating choices." -me, dieting
6,938	How much is Donald Trump's life insurance? Just one pence.
6,939	90% of my friends have hemorrhoids. The other 10% are perfect ass holes.
6,940	I added Michael J Fox as a friend on Instagram... He likes every single one of my photos.
6,941	What did the Computer Engineer say? What did the computer Engineer say when he saw his favorite drink? ICT
6,942	It's a shame that nobody is stepping up to defend the clown community Not even the mimes are talking
6,943	What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Peewee Herman have in common? They were both caught with hands in their drawers.
6,944	What time do dentists fly airplanes? Tooth Hurty (2:30)
6,945	Attractive women post selfies and refer to themselves as ugly. As a group, if we begin agreeing with them we could stop that shit quick.
6,946	Why is it so hard to order pizza from me? I'll update with the hilarious punchline later...
6,947	My boyfriend doesn't believe in labels, which is probably why he drank all that bleach
6,948	I swear if I see one more tweet about 11/11/11 being once in A life time I will snap. Every date is once in a life time! That how time works
6,949	Drinking ink won't kill you, you'll just dye a little inside.
6,950	Sporty I bought my wife fumarate. Now during sex moans as Sharapova.
6,951	How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None. First they beat the room for being black, then they arrest the light bulb for being broke.
6,952	I am Looking a Bank I am Looking for a Bank which can perform Two things for me. Give me a Loan, and then Leave me Alone....
6,953	Came up with this joke this morning in the shower. I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons.
6,954	I'm Indian but not "able to read sanskrit" Indian so slow down there Raj, aside from the heart eye emojis I have no idea wtf your DM means.
6,955	What do they pass around after dinner at Buckingham Palace? Under Eights.
6,956	So if multiple cactus is cacti... NSFW Would a cat (animal) be cat-i?
6,957	Boy: Calls 911 Boy: calls 911 Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.
6,958	I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes. I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis. . . . . I'll see myself out.
6,959	Fox has cancelled American Idol. From Now on, if I want to listen to bad music, I'll have to listen to Pitbull just like everyone else.
6,960	CW: My wedding is going to be expensive! Me: Wait till you see what the divorce is going to cost you!
6,961	Machine uprising? Ha! What can they do? Toaster gonna burn my bagel? Vending machine gonna steal my money? Like they do now... Holy shit.
6,962	What do you call a typo on a tombstone A grave mistake.
6,963	You know, I just love whiteboards... They're remarkable.
6,964	I try not to tweet about things I'm doing incase it gets taken out of context, but this cock is delicious!
6,965	What has bottom on the top? Legs.
6,966	[to hot girl at bus stop as bus approaches] "I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to."
6,967	"Oh, you decided to close your bedroom door with me on the outside? Allow me to sing you the song of my people." -my cat
6,968	How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Nail a piece of toast to the ceiling.
6,969	Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would've.
6,970	Hi college freshmen! I hope when you selected bedding for your dorm room you asked yourself, "Can I see myself throwing up on this pattern?"
6,971	I have submitted 10 jokes now trying to reach the front page... no pun in ten did.
6,972	Why did the hipster burn his tounge on his coffee? Cus he drank it before it was cool...
6,973	IT Jokes Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking bitches!
6,974	What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in the fog?... At least when your eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!
6,975	How do rabbits fly? In hareplanes.
6,976	I used to think "I hope I don't do anything stupid." Now it's more like "I hope whatever stupid shit I do at least fits in a tweet."
6,977	Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ? About an hour and a half after I arrived at school
6,978	I tried to upload the Brazil vs Germany game to pornhub... But they removed it for rape
6,979	knock knock Go away I'm not home "I can hear you" I can hear you too..go away "I brought food" What kind of food
6,980	Why couldn't the fortune teller fit into her shirt? Because she's a medium
6,981	What does the shy little pebble wish for? To be a little Bolder.
6,982	Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads? She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs.
6,983	Is your name Summer? Coz you're HOT!
6,984	Some bloke on FB called me a clown. Now I've got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that's what clowns do.
6,985	Today is Stevie Nicks' birthday. She is 67 years old. I wonder what that is in goat years?
6,986	A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that's not a sacrifice I'm willing to make for love.
6,987	What does a baby have in common with a old car? They're fun to take apart, but they're a real bitch to put back together.
6,988	I went camping recently. It was intense.
6,989	What do you call a hippopotamus in an I.C.U.? Hippo-critical.
6,990	I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly "you are NOT the father"
6,991	Q: What is the first thing that President Clinton says after waking up? A: "Good morning Bill."
6,992	Lebron James quits basketball to become an actor And he's taking his talents to Hollywood
6,993	I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car.
6,994	I never bought candy bars from those kids on my doorstep so I guess they're all in gangs now.
6,995	PATIENT: I bet medical school was pretty tough DR DOG: yeah I remember one time I did my assignment 4 times bc I ate the first 3 copies lol
6,996	I don't like thinking about gravity. It brings me down.
6,997	Babies are just people that haven't hurt your feelings yet.
6,998	Everyone worries about Pao. They should be worried about... Darude Sandstorm
6,999	How many white teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb ...none they would rather sit in the dark (im white teenage and mean no harm in this joke)
7,000	My tampon just leaked during my bath and now it looks like I made a tub full of passion fruit tea.

6,901

Hello. I am Public Restroom. Would you like some toilet paper that melts in the palm of your hand? Here, have some empty soap, my child.

6,902

"Papa who was Hamlet?" "You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was."

6,903

If a groom is a person that takes care of a horse, why don't they call the bride a jockey?

6,904

Slow down in those corduroy pants. You'll ignite a bush fire.

6,905

How many skateboarders does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but it will take him 50 tries to do it.

6,906

What do you call a bunch of people buying non-brand name ice skates? Cheapskates getting cheap skates

6,907

The unused coloring book. Why can't the little girl color the elephant in her coloring book? Her arms are amputated.

6,908

A far right party wins an election in Germany with 60% of the vote. I did nazi that coming

6,909

Jesus spoke to me yesterday... But I don't like talking to my roofers, so I had his brother Juan tell him not to do that in the future.

6,910

What was Hitler's least favourite month? Jew-ne

6,911

Did you hear about the 6 guys and the woman that went fishing? The guys didn't catch anything, but the woman came home with a red snapper.

6,912

what does a Nazi turkey say? "Goebbles Goesbbles"

6,913

If a picture frame doesn't have the word "memories" written on it in giant cursive letters, how do I know what I'm looking at?!

6,914

"Yous shall not pass!" (Gandalfini)

6,915

What is Michal Jackson A Chocolate Cracker (if they exist)

6,916

You might be a redneck if someone shouts hoedown and your girlfriend hits the floor.

6,917

Which baseball team is currently the favourite with hamburger fans? The Cincinnati Reds -because they're the Big Bread Machine!

6,918

What is the deadliest volcano? Mount Kill-a-man-jaro

6,919

I don't understand Fox and Friends. No one on the show is named Fox. Are they friends with a TV channel?

6,920

A man calls in to work sick on a Friday His boss asks him, "Why what's wrong with you?" He replies, "its my eyes boss... I just can't see my ass coming in to work today."

6,921

Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00? Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. **EDITED** to make joke more apparent

6,922

So doctor how much time do I have left? 10... 10 what? 9, 8....

6,923

How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food? By giving her a Brazilian wax first!

6,924

Someone once told me "If you love something, set it free". I told them not to mind about those noises coming from the basement.

6,925

What do Michael Jackson and Jimmy Savile have in common? they touched some many lives

6,926

What's the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton's emails? The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer.

6,927

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday. How is she now ? She's fine. But the dog died.

6,928

What do you call a prositute on her period? Unemployed.

6,929

Dad cooks deer for dinner and doesn't tell the kids what it is... He gives them a hint "It's what your mom calls me" The kids respond "It's a fucking dick, don't eat it"

6,930

How does NASA organize their missions. They Planet.

6,931

Why couldn't the motorcycle stand on it's own? because it was too tired.

6,932

Jobs that do not exist anymore Steve

6,933

How is being a Jew like eating a burrito? It's really not a problem until they give you gas.

6,934

Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids... ... ...Eat them!

6,935

What's the difference between an oyster with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea? Well, one you shuck between the fits and the other...

6,936

What do you call someone who is known for being heartless and cold to others? Dead

6,937

"I can't wait until this one orange erases years of poor eating choices." -me, dieting

6,938

How much is Donald Trump's life insurance? Just one pence.

6,939

90% of my friends have hemorrhoids. The other 10% are perfect ass holes.

6,940

I added Michael J Fox as a friend on Instagram... He likes every single one of my photos.

6,941

What did the Computer Engineer say? What did the computer Engineer say when he saw his favorite drink? ICT

6,942

It's a shame that nobody is stepping up to defend the clown community Not even the mimes are talking

6,943

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Peewee Herman have in common? They were both caught with hands in their drawers.

6,944

What time do dentists fly airplanes? Tooth Hurty (2:30)

6,945

Attractive women post selfies and refer to themselves as ugly. As a group, if we begin agreeing with them we could stop that shit quick.

6,946

Why is it so hard to order pizza from me? I'll update with the hilarious punchline later...

6,947

My boyfriend doesn't believe in labels, which is probably why he drank all that bleach

6,948

I swear if I see one more tweet about 11/11/11 being once in A life time I will snap. Every date is once in a life time! That how time works

6,949

Drinking ink won't kill you, you'll just dye a little inside.

6,950

Sporty I bought my wife fumarate. Now during sex moans as Sharapova.

6,951

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None. First they beat the room for being black, then they arrest the light bulb for being broke.

6,952

I am Looking a Bank I am Looking for a Bank which can perform Two things for me. Give me a Loan, and then Leave me Alone....

6,953

Came up with this joke this morning in the shower. I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons.

6,954

I'm Indian but not "able to read sanskrit" Indian so slow down there Raj, aside from the heart eye emojis I have no idea wtf your DM means.

6,955

What do they pass around after dinner at Buckingham Palace? Under Eights.

6,956

So if multiple cactus is cacti... NSFW Would a cat (animal) be cat-i?

6,957

Boy: Calls 911 Boy: calls 911 Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

6,958

I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes. I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis. . . . . I'll see myself out.

6,959

Fox has cancelled American Idol. From Now on, if I want to listen to bad music, I'll have to listen to Pitbull just like everyone else.

6,960

CW: My wedding is going to be expensive! Me: Wait till you see what the divorce is going to cost you!

6,961

Machine uprising? Ha! What can they do? Toaster gonna burn my bagel? Vending machine gonna steal my money? Like they do now... Holy shit.

6,962

What do you call a typo on a tombstone A grave mistake.

6,963

You know, I just love whiteboards... They're remarkable.

6,964

I try not to tweet about things I'm doing incase it gets taken out of context, but this cock is delicious!

6,965

What has bottom on the top? Legs.

6,966

[to hot girl at bus stop as bus approaches] "I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to."

6,967

"Oh, you decided to close your bedroom door with me on the outside? Allow me to sing you the song of my people." -my cat

6,968

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Nail a piece of toast to the ceiling.

6,969

Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would've.

6,970

Hi college freshmen! I hope when you selected bedding for your dorm room you asked yourself, "Can I see myself throwing up on this pattern?"

6,971

I have submitted 10 jokes now trying to reach the front page... no pun in ten did.

6,972

Why did the hipster burn his tounge on his coffee? Cus he drank it before it was cool...

6,973

IT Jokes Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking bitches!

6,974

What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in the fog?... At least when your eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!

6,975

How do rabbits fly? In hareplanes.

6,976

I used to think "I hope I don't do anything stupid." Now it's more like "I hope whatever stupid shit I do at least fits in a tweet."

6,977

Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ? About an hour and a half after I arrived at school

6,978

I tried to upload the Brazil vs Germany game to pornhub... But they removed it for rape

6,979

*knock knock* Go away I'm not home "I can hear you" I can hear you too..go away "I brought food" What kind of food

6,980

Why couldn't the fortune teller fit into her shirt? Because she's a medium

6,981

What does the shy little pebble wish for? To be a little Bolder.

6,982

Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads? She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs.

6,983

Is your name Summer? Coz you're HOT!

6,984

Some bloke on FB called me a clown. Now I've got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that's what clowns do.

6,985

Today is Stevie Nicks' birthday. She is 67 years old. I wonder what that is in goat years?

6,986

A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that's not a sacrifice I'm willing to make for love.

6,987

What does a baby have in common with a old car? They're fun to take apart, but they're a real bitch to put back together.

6,988

I went camping recently. It was intense.

6,989

What do you call a hippopotamus in an I.C.U.? Hippo-critical.

6,990

I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly "you are NOT the father"

6,991

Q: What is the first thing that President Clinton says after waking up? A: "Good morning Bill."

6,992

Lebron James quits basketball to become an actor And he's taking his talents to Hollywood

6,993

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car.

6,994

I never bought candy bars from those kids on my doorstep so I guess they're all in gangs now.

6,995

PATIENT: I bet medical school was pretty tough DR DOG: yeah I remember one time I did my assignment 4 times bc I ate the first 3 copies lol

6,996

I don't like thinking about gravity. It brings me down.

6,997

Babies are just people that haven't hurt your feelings yet.

6,998

Everyone worries about Pao. They should be worried about... Darude Sandstorm

6,999

How many white teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb ...none they would rather sit in the dark (im white teenage and mean no harm in this joke)

7,000

My tampon just leaked during my bath and now it looks like I made a tub full of passion fruit tea.