ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
7,101	As soon as I walk in, I can feel every woman at the gym dressing me with their eyes.
7,102	"We're going to need a bigger pocket." - iPhone 6 Plus
7,103	How Can You Tell It's Fall In Florida? When the color of the license plates start to change.
7,104	There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Disco Barbie ...dressed in chiffon; inclbiudes disco ball
7,105	I have a new word for vibrator ... selfie stick
7,106	Sometimes I leave a trail of pizza crumbs around the house so I can find my way back to the TV
7,107	Did you hear about the lawyer selling moonshine from a van outside the courthouse? He was disbarred.
7,108	If only there were mosquito nets in Africa... We could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
7,109	This is Bill Bill has a wife Bill isn't scared of his wife & says what he wants when he.. This is Bill's wife Bill is no longer available
7,110	Knock Knock Who's there ! Costa ! Costa who ? Costa lot !
7,111	Technically... It's only illegal when you get arrested.
7,112	Genders are like the twin towers There used to be two of them and now it's a really touchy subject
7,113	What does Egyptian airport security have in common with Los Angeles airport security? Both have LAX security.
7,114	[nsfw] This is the worst joke I have heard.... What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby? You don't cum on an apple before you eat it...
7,115	What is the quickest way to get Trump out of The White House?? Put Monica Lewinsky in there. She's not the hero we deserve, but she'd be da real MVP we need right now.
7,116	Knock Knock! Who's there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? DWAYNE DA BAFFTUB!! I'M DWOWNIN'!!
7,117	Shutdown Apocalypse Update: GPS is down. Using a refrigerator magnet as a compass. I think it's just pointing to another refrigerator.
7,118	Why do we call it politics? Because poly means many and ticks mean blood-sucking parasites.
7,119	You haven't truly won an argument until the other person says "whatever" !
7,120	I got a shopping cart today with 4 working wheels, it was full of lingerie models and self confidence and I was dreaming
7,121	Stephen Hawking believes he's solved a huge mystery about black holes ...and he'll keep believing as long as we all play along, ok? He's adorable.
7,122	Seems like ladies hate being asked how their Thanksgiving was, no matter how playfully I pat their stomachs.
7,123	Just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"
7,124	[during sex] HER: this isn't working out ME: putting sock puppet away was it something he said?
7,125	Want to know how to make your PC faster? Paint it black.
7,126	What do bees chew? Bumble gum.
7,127	I go in hard, I come in soft, you blow me. What am I? Gum.
7,128	Doctor: That deafness cure help your brother? Archie: Sure did! He hadn't heard a sound in years and the very day after he took that medicine he heard from America!
7,129	So a man is alone in a forest And if his wife isn't around to hear him. Is he still wrong?
7,130	I've been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don't know how to tell her I forgot her name.
7,131	What do you call a guy who hangs out with a bunch of musicians? A drummer.
7,132	He was next in line at Starbucks. Then she cut in front of him. Liam Neeson in TAKEN 3: SKINNY VANILLA MAYHEM.
7,133	Bet you can't guess my favorite hue Hue Jackman
7,134	I hate gingerbread. If I owned a bakery, I wouldn't tolerate gingerbread. I'd be like, "Get outta here, you redhead. Your money isn't good here."
7,135	What do Indian Flowers grow? Patels.
7,136	Reddit is going orange From what I hear it's a new black.
7,137	Q: What did the writing utensil take for his high sugar level? A: Pencil-in.
7,138	What's the difference between a white Jew and a black Jew? The black Jew has to sit in the back of the gas chamber.
7,139	My wife just cleaned out her purse. So, she'll be having a garage sale later this week.
7,140	I just found the worst page in the entire dictionary... What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous ...
7,141	why did Hitler kill himself because he saw his gas bill
7,142	I tried to offer my school administrator a bribe But he was too principled
7,143	Knock Knock Who's there? Doris. Doris who? Doris locked, that's why I'm knocking!
7,144	What do you call a woman who's not wearing underwear? A barracuchi.
7,145	Every function without you will always be void of love.
7,146	Running out of space for your porn collection? Just download midget porn, it's half the size
7,147	Tombstone: Here lies Houdini 2nd Tombstone: Now I'm over here
7,148	whats the difference between Michael Phelps and adolf hitler Michael Phelps can finish a race
7,149	Told my grandma that some chimps and monkeys are learning to hunt with Spears. She responded with "what? Are they gonna join isis too?"
7,150	If the Pottery Barn didn't want me to bring my goat in the store, they shouldn't have called it a barn.
7,151	I once new a guy that worked at a tool and die company... ...He was hit with a tool, and died
7,152	What Does a Duck Smoke? ( _)>- Quack (_)
7,153	What did the three holes in the ground say? Well, well, well My grandpa's favorite joke. Took me five years to get it.
7,154	What's the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman can dodge a bullet.
7,155	What do you call it when fish stop having babies? Minnow-pause
7,156	What did the blonde say when she looked down at her bowl of Cheerios? Look, donut seeds!
7,157	Computer: Login failed. Did you forget your password? Me: oh shi-- [Cut to my password waiting alone on the side of a soccer field]
7,158	Yesterday, my Muslim friend ask me if I want to breakfast together It was stupid to wait at his door on 9am.
7,159	Monica Lewinsky turns 39!! They grow up so fast...seems like yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees puting everything in her mouth!!!
7,160	Damn, girl! Are you Iocane Powder? Because I've spent the last few years of my life building up an immunity to Iocane Powder. So, yeah...
7,161	What's the difference between an all girls soccer team and a tribe of pygmies? One is a bunch of cunning runts.
7,162	I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
7,163	Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don't understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
7,164	Mummy! Mummy! Have you seen my Cabbage Patch Doll? Be quiet and finish your coleslaw!
7,165	What do you call a hatred for large plants? Bigotree
7,166	MY NECK, MY BACK, A STRANGER TOOK MY CAT
7,167	What do you call a cancerous growth on a clown? A humor.
7,168	My dad I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
7,169	What do you call a Mexican in quick sand? Quatro Sinko
7,170	Where do you party on a ship? Where the funnel be!
7,171	My wife's a biology teacher... This morning she asked how I wanted my eggs. I told her, "Ovariesy."
7,172	I feel like aging is a lot easier for unattractive people.
7,173	How would it be living in an only men city? I think it would be tight at first, but then it would loosen up after a while.
7,174	We have to break up. What? Why? It's not Staryu... it's Starmie.
7,175	Why is the United States always in political disarray? It's a nation without a litre.
7,176	How do you tell if your gas station attendant is a former porn star? Right before he finishes pumping your gas he takes it out and sprays it all over your car
7,177	What do a coffee pot, Irene, and the reigning Stanley Cup champions have in common? They're a-Brew'in!
7,178	"I just called to say I love you." -Stevie Wonder not understanding how prank calls work
7,179	My math teacher called me average How mean.
7,180	What do you call phrases that Jews often say? Judaisms.
7,181	Joined Match.com... And all I got was a lit cigarette
7,182	What game do 18 dogs like to play during the summer? Woofleball
7,183	The difference between a rock band and a jazz group The rock band will play 3 chords in front of 1000 people. The jazz group will play 1000 chords in front of 3 people.
7,184	It's like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"
7,185	Heard the one about the wealthy lesbian prostitute? She makes money hand over fist
7,186	I was going to tell a gay joke. Butt fuck it!
7,187	Imagine a world without war where we remember scientists and artists.
7,188	How to legalize animal poaching ? Drop a kid in their zoo enclosure.
7,189	Brazil is getting slaughtered I can't take it an Neymar
7,190	Why was the math book sad? It had a lot of problems
7,191	Setp 1: Learn Spelling
7,192	Two lawyers are sitting in a bar... ... When a hot blonde walks in. The one lawyer says, "Man, wouldn't you like to screw that?" and the other lawyer replies, "Outta what?"
7,193	What do you call a guy with no legs at your front door? Matt
7,194	Sometimes you have to choose between what is hard and what is easy Luckily for you I'm both right now
7,195	How does ISIL prefer their eggs? Sunni side up at first. But they always end up scrambled.
7,196	Whenever I see a middle-aged guy trying desperately to hang onto his youth, I always think "I should move this mirror".
7,197	I told my chef wife that if she were to leave me... please leave me one of your incredible cupcakes. She replied..."I won't dessert you."
7,198	You know you're in your 30's and single when you automatically look for wedding rings even while watching porn.
7,199	The other day I got pulled over, and when the cop walked up I pulled out my 9mm Once he stopped laughing he wrote me up for indecent exposure
7,200	What do you calll a woman that people sit on ? Cher !

7,101

As soon as I walk in, I can feel every woman at the gym dressing me with their eyes.

7,102

"We're going to need a bigger pocket." - iPhone 6 Plus

7,103

How Can You Tell It's Fall In Florida? When the color of the license plates start to change.

7,104

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Disco Barbie ...dressed in chiffon; inclbiudes disco ball

7,105

I have a new word for vibrator ... selfie stick

7,106

Sometimes I leave a trail of pizza crumbs around the house so I can find my way back to the TV

7,107

Did you hear about the lawyer selling moonshine from a van outside the courthouse? He was disbarred.

7,108

If only there were mosquito nets in Africa... We could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.

7,109

This is Bill Bill has a wife Bill isn't scared of his wife & says what he wants when he.. This is Bill's wife Bill is no longer available

7,110

Knock Knock Who's there ! Costa ! Costa who ? Costa lot !

7,111

Technically... It's only illegal when you get arrested.

7,112

Genders are like the twin towers There used to be two of them and now it's a really touchy subject

7,113

What does Egyptian airport security have in common with Los Angeles airport security? Both have LAX security.

7,114

[nsfw] This is the worst joke I have heard.... What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby? You don't cum on an apple before you eat it...

7,115

What is the quickest way to get Trump out of The White House?? Put Monica Lewinsky in there. She's not the hero we deserve, but she'd be da real MVP we need right now.

7,116

Knock Knock! *Who's there?* Dwayne. *Dwayne who?* DWAYNE DA BAFFTUB!! I'M DWOWNIN'!!

7,117

Shutdown Apocalypse Update: GPS is down. Using a refrigerator magnet as a compass. I think it's just pointing to another refrigerator.

7,118

Why do we call it politics? Because poly means many and ticks mean blood-sucking parasites.

7,119

You haven't truly won an argument until the other person says "whatever" !

7,120

I got a shopping cart today with 4 working wheels, it was full of lingerie models and self confidence and I was dreaming

7,121

Stephen Hawking believes he's solved a huge mystery about black holes ...and he'll keep believing as long as we all play along, ok? He's adorable.

7,122

Seems like ladies hate being asked how their Thanksgiving was, no matter how playfully I pat their stomachs.

7,123

Just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"

7,124

[during sex] HER: this isn't working out ME: *putting sock puppet away* was it something he said?

7,125

Want to know how to make your PC faster? Paint it black.

7,126

What do bees chew? Bumble gum.

7,127

I go in hard, I come in soft, you blow me. What am I? Gum.

7,128

Doctor: That deafness cure help your brother? Archie: Sure did! He hadn't heard a sound in years and the very day after he took that medicine he heard from America!

7,129

So a man is alone in a forest And if his wife isn't around to hear him. Is he still wrong?

7,130

I've been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don't know how to tell her I forgot her name.

7,131

What do you call a guy who hangs out with a bunch of musicians? A drummer.

7,132

He was next in line at Starbucks. Then she cut in front of him. Liam Neeson in TAKEN 3: SKINNY VANILLA MAYHEM.

7,133

Bet you can't guess my favorite hue Hue Jackman

7,134

I hate gingerbread. If I owned a bakery, I wouldn't tolerate gingerbread. I'd be like, "Get outta here, you redhead. Your money isn't good here."

7,135

What do Indian Flowers grow? Patels.

7,136

Reddit is going orange From what I hear it's a new black.

7,137

Q: What did the writing utensil take for his high sugar level? A: Pencil-in.

7,138

What's the difference between a white Jew and a black Jew? The black Jew has to sit in the back of the gas chamber.

7,139

My wife just cleaned out her purse. So, she'll be having a garage sale later this week.

7,140

I just found the worst page in the entire dictionary... What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous ...

7,141

why did Hitler kill himself because he saw his gas bill

7,142

I tried to offer my school administrator a bribe But he was too principled

7,143

Knock Knock Who's there? Doris. Doris who? Doris locked, that's why I'm knocking!

7,144

What do you call a woman who's not wearing underwear? A barracuchi.

7,145

Every function without you will always be void of love.

7,146

Running out of space for your porn collection? Just download midget porn, it's half the size

7,147

Tombstone: Here lies Houdini 2nd Tombstone: Now I'm over here

7,148

whats the difference between Michael Phelps and adolf hitler Michael Phelps can finish a race

7,149

Told my grandma that some chimps and monkeys are learning to hunt with Spears. She responded with "what? Are they gonna join isis too?"

7,150

If the Pottery Barn didn't want me to bring my goat in the store, they shouldn't have called it a barn.

7,151

I once new a guy that worked at a tool and die company... ...He was hit with a tool, and died

7,152

What Does a Duck Smoke? ( _)>- **Quack** (_)

7,153

What did the three holes in the ground say? Well, well, well My grandpa's favorite joke. Took me five years to get it.

7,154

What's the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman can dodge a bullet.

7,155

What do you call it when fish stop having babies? Minnow-pause

7,156

What did the blonde say when she looked down at her bowl of Cheerios? Look, donut seeds!

7,157

Computer: Login failed. Did you forget your password? Me: oh shi-- [Cut to my password waiting alone on the side of a soccer field]

7,158

Yesterday, my Muslim friend ask me if I want to breakfast together It was stupid to wait at his door on 9am.

7,159

Monica Lewinsky turns 39!! They grow up so fast...seems like yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees puting everything in her mouth!!!

7,160

Damn, girl! Are you Iocane Powder? Because I've spent the last few years of my life building up an immunity to Iocane Powder. So, yeah...

7,161

What's the difference between an all girls soccer team and a tribe of pygmies? One is a bunch of cunning runts.

7,162

I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.

7,163

Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don't understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.

7,164

Mummy! Mummy! Have you seen my Cabbage Patch Doll? Be quiet and finish your coleslaw!

7,165

What do you call a hatred for large plants? Bigotree

7,166

MY NECK, MY BACK, A STRANGER TOOK MY CAT

7,167

What do you call a cancerous growth on a clown? A *humor*.

7,168

My dad I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

7,169

What do you call a Mexican in quick sand? Quatro Sinko

7,170

Where do you party on a ship? Where the funnel be!

7,171

My wife's a biology teacher... This morning she asked how I wanted my eggs. I told her, "Ovariesy."

7,172

I feel like aging is a lot easier for unattractive people.

7,173

How would it be living in an only men city? I think it would be tight at first, but then it would loosen up after a while.

7,174

We have to break up. What? Why? It's not Staryu... it's Starmie.

7,175

Why is the United States always in political disarray? It's a nation without a litre.

7,176

How do you tell if your gas station attendant is a former porn star? Right before he finishes pumping your gas he takes it out and sprays it all over your car

7,177

What do a coffee pot, Irene, and the reigning Stanley Cup champions have in common? They're a-Brew'in!

7,178

"I just called to say I love you." -Stevie Wonder not understanding how prank calls work

7,179

My math teacher called me average How mean.

7,180

What do you call phrases that Jews often say? Judaisms.

7,181

Joined Match.com... And all I got was a lit cigarette

7,182

What game do 18 dogs like to play during the summer? Woofleball

7,183

The difference between a rock band and a jazz group The rock band will play 3 chords in front of 1000 people. The jazz group will play 1000 chords in front of 3 people.

7,184

It's like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"

7,185

Heard the one about the wealthy lesbian prostitute? She makes money hand over fist

7,186

I was going to tell a gay joke. Butt fuck it!

7,187

Imagine a world without war where we remember scientists and artists.

7,188

How to legalize animal poaching ? Drop a kid in their zoo enclosure.

7,189

Brazil is getting slaughtered I can't take it an Neymar

7,190

Why was the math book sad? It had a lot of problems

7,191

Setp 1: Learn Spelling

7,192

Two lawyers are sitting in a bar... ... When a hot blonde walks in. The one lawyer says, "Man, wouldn't you like to screw that?" and the other lawyer replies, "Outta what?"

7,193

What do you call a guy with no legs at your front door? Matt

7,194

Sometimes you have to choose between what is hard and what is easy Luckily for you I'm both right now

7,195

How does ISIL prefer their eggs? Sunni side up at first. But they always end up scrambled.

7,196

Whenever I see a middle-aged guy trying desperately to hang onto his youth, I always think "I should move this mirror".

7,197

I told my chef wife that if she were to leave me... please leave me one of your incredible cupcakes. She replied..."I won't dessert you."

7,198

You know you're in your 30's and single when you automatically look for wedding rings even while watching porn.

7,199

The other day I got pulled over, and when the cop walked up I pulled out my 9mm Once he stopped laughing he wrote me up for indecent exposure

7,200

What do you calll a woman that people sit on ? Cher !