ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
7,301	I need to get something off my chest... It's called breast cancer. I'm so sorry.
7,302	Brain: He mentioned marriage again. You know what to do. sets phone on fire
7,303	What do wizards call unmagical African Americans? Niggles
7,304	A man was walking on a nude beach... A man with a foot long dick was walking on a nude beach when he was arrested by the police. The charge? Weapons of Lass Destruction
7,305	What do you call someone who supports Hillary? Paid off.
7,306	Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can't remember the lyrics.
7,307	How do you know when your BBQ is ready in Canada in April? The snow on top of it has melted.
7,308	Sex through the ages: Age 20-30: Tri-weekly Age 30-40: Try weekly Age 40-50: Try weakly
7,309	So it's my birthday and my parent sang me happy birthday. Mom: "Happy birthday to you!" Dad: "Happy birthday to you!" Mom: "Happy birthday to you!" Dad: "You were born because your mom sniffed glue."
7,310	I named my penis Truth... Because bitches can't handle it!
7,311	Why are redneck murders hard to solve? No dental records and the DNA is all the same.
7,312	Why did the T-Rex get hammered at noon? Because he's a Wino-saur!
7,313	Did you hear about the Power Plant that was bad for the environment all year? He got coal for Christmas.
7,314	Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo? A cub reporter.
7,315	"I love you unconditionally." -God Terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
7,316	Only my husband would walk up to my gynecologist in Costco, point at me, give him the two thumbs up while grinning and say, 'Nice one, huh?'
7,317	It's a sad moment when you realize the trash goes out more often than you do.
7,318	I was touched by Jesus once Worst field trip to a Mexican prison ever
7,319	What's better: A Parachute Jump or a BJ of a 90 year old? doesn't matter... must not look down..
7,320	There was a pregnant woman.... She was in labor and the doctor said: 'It's labor day!'
7,321	I just got fired for looking up clown videos on my lunch break. My boss didn't buy that "Lisa Ann gets creampied" is a clown video
7,322	A prostate exam... Is worrying when the doctor shouts "look no hands!"
7,323	I think my girlfriend would be a great presidential candidate, Because she's so awesome at bringing up shit from the past.
7,324	two fish in a tank. one says to the other... how do you drive this thing?
7,325	No one realizes when someone says, "The last thing I wanna do is hurt you," that basically implies: there is a list, hurting you is on it.
7,326	How did the bird get his bluetooth to work? He had to parrot.
7,327	I have no beef with vegetarians.
7,328	"Why is there a jar of pickles in the bathroom?" "I like pickles." "Do you eat them when you're on the toilet?" "Ewww! EAT them?! Gross!"
7,329	What do a call a fish with no eyes A blind fish
7,330	Why are fruit rapists seldom found alone? They come in pears
7,331	What do you call the child of two parents with downs syndrome? A hand-me-down.
7,332	me at fast food counter "hey mister, did this meat bark or meow?" "It asked stupid questions."
7,333	Two atoms walked out of a bar. One turned to the other one and said, "we've got to go back in there, I left an electron" The other one asked, "Are you sure?" He replied, "Yes, I'm positive"
7,334	People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
7,335	Me: I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Him: Ma'am, for the last time, we don't have a limit on how much liquor you can buy.
7,336	your call is important to us. like, super important. we all bought new outfits for this call. dave is wearing a wig
7,337	A black guy walks into a police station in Florida and he never comes out.
7,338	I like my women like I like my coffee.... Ground up and in the freezer.
7,339	What do you call a panda who's legs don't work? Pandapalegic
7,340	How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None!
7,341	Cats are just fuzzy houseplants that hate you.
7,342	If you slap a christian girl on the ass... Would she turn the other cheek?
7,343	You scream, we all scream, I apologize for entering the womens bathroom.
7,344	What did Bruce Lee say about NASA'S discovery WA-TAH!
7,345	What kind of bee can't be understood ? A mumble bee !
7,346	Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
7,347	What did the Maple syrup farmer say when he saw a good looking maple tree? "I'd tap that."
7,348	I asked two Uber drivers to pick each other up and am watching them chase each other in circles around my block until they run out of gas.
7,349	There's a reason why "sober" and "so bored" sound almost exactly the same.
7,350	Mission Impossible? He's done four of them now. Let's call it "Mission Pretty Hard but Ultimately Doable"
7,351	Memories. That's how I want to be remembered.
7,352	you hear about the indian chief that drank a case of tea he died in his tee pee
7,353	What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a bad joke?
7,354	You hate me? Well okay, grab a chair and wait for me to care.
7,355	My therapist advised me to feed and water my kids and cook my plants 3 meals a day. And something about listening.
7,356	What's the difference between Santa Claus & Michael Jackson? one comes when children dream & the other dreams of children coming*.
7,357	Why was the banker bored? Because he lost interest in everything.
7,358	Where do you take a sick wasp? To waspital.
7,359	The Koala should be classified as a bear It has all the Koalafications
7,360	I'd say giving birth to a dead baby is better than having a miscarriage At least your baby's still born?
7,361	Is this where you put your jokes? According to my ex wife my career and penis should be here
7,362	I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years.
7,363	Where does a dog go when he loses his tail? A retail store.
7,364	I can't figure out if I'm drinking Malibu rum or licking sun tan lotion off skin.
7,365	"Donatello choose ur weapon" "I'll take a stick" "Really not a sword? Nunchu.." "A STICK" "Ha I guess u wanna wear purple too?" "..." "Ugh"
7,366	What do you call a terrorist from Paris? A Paririst
7,367	How many gay men does it take to change a lightbulb? "Ummm ... forget about the changing the lightbulb, honey, maybe let's start with changing those curtains"
7,368	People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it
7,369	Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting? Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine.
7,370	Whats pink and smells awful? Your mums cunt lol
7,371	My doctor gave me a prescription for anti-depression meds but my Bartender is having a hard time reading his writing...
7,372	[sees crush] Oh you're going to the mall? Wow weird me too. I totally need a new tries to think of something at the mall escalator
7,373	What do you call a pig... ...with an unusually high IQ? Einswine
7,374	Liam Gallagher was never good in science. When asked to name 3 chemical elements, he said "Gold and silver and sunshine."
7,375	I should rename myself Summer. All girls want is Summer to come.
7,376	The Wizard of Oz, synopsis. Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.
7,377	When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
7,378	Why do clowns hate assassins? Because they go for the juggler.
7,379	Here's another great Ellen Pao Joke [deleted]
7,380	"War Horse" and "The Help" are the SAME movie! I watched them on my laptop and they BOTH have a 90 minute scene where I just check Facebook.
7,381	How do the Chinese select their baby names? They chuck a tin can down the stairs Ping Wong ching Pang
7,382	ME: I hate him with 1/16th of the fibers of my being GUY: Not every fiber? ME: I hate alot of people. I'm not wasting all my fibers on 1 guy
7,383	I've become quite independent since my wife left... I just put my second load of washing through the microwave.
7,384	puts sunglasses on a watermelon punches watermelon "WHERE ARE ALL THE DRUGS!" slams hands down "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DID THEM ALL?!"
7,385	I was going to tell you a joke about a cow. But its udderly ridiculous
7,386	Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
7,387	Wanna hear a joke? Lifetime movies.
7,388	Paid $50 for a device that has a motion detector that emits a sound to scare off neighbor's cat....she's out there rubbing up against it now
7,389	Height of .... Height of Stupidity - Looking through the keyhole of a glass door.. Height of embarrassment - when you find other person looking through the other side of the same keyhole..
7,390	I got banned from the hardware store Every time I walk in, all the stud finders start beeping.
7,391	Pretty Punny! What did the cat stripper say when she found out she was being replaced by a younger pussy?????? You've gotta be Kitten me!
7,392	Whenever someone says, "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes.
7,393	I just said "bye - bye" when I ended a phone call, and now I'm debating on if I should have my milk & cookies before or after recess.
7,394	Short seal joke A baby seal walks into a club
7,395	The first time God made the universe, he skipped leg day. All men were weeping creatures, who ended in bloody torsos and begged for death.
7,396	I hate Housework!!! You do the dishes!! You do the Laundry!! ...and then 6 months later you have to do it all over again!
7,397	My mom drove her car into a tree. She sure found out how a Mercedes bends.
7,398	What did the old Frankish barbarians say to the Roman invasion? [](/dumbfabric)"You don't have the Gaul to do it!"
7,399	Why did the raging alcoholic throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila
7,400	judge bangs gavel on desk judge cooks gavel breakfast in the morning judge tell gavel he loves her judge marries gavel

7,301

I need to get something off my chest... It's called breast cancer. I'm so sorry.

7,302

Brain: He mentioned marriage again. You know what to do. *sets phone on fire*

7,303

What do wizards call unmagical African Americans? Niggles

7,304

A man was walking on a nude beach... A man with a foot long dick was walking on a nude beach when he was arrested by the police. The charge? Weapons of Lass Destruction

7,305

What do you call someone who supports Hillary? Paid off.

7,306

Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can't remember the lyrics.

7,307

How do you know when your BBQ is ready in Canada in April? The snow on top of it has melted.

7,308

Sex through the ages: Age 20-30: Tri-weekly Age 30-40: Try weekly Age 40-50: Try weakly

7,309

So it's my birthday and my parent sang me happy birthday. Mom: "Happy birthday to you!" Dad: "Happy birthday to you!" Mom: "Happy birthday to you!" Dad: "You were born because your mom sniffed glue."

7,310

I named my penis Truth... Because bitches can't handle it!

7,311

Why are redneck murders hard to solve? No dental records and the DNA is all the same.

7,312

Why did the T-Rex get hammered at noon? Because he's a Wino-saur!

7,313

Did you hear about the Power Plant that was bad for the environment all year? He got coal for Christmas.

7,314

Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo? A cub reporter.

7,315

"I love you unconditionally*." -God *Terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.

7,316

Only my husband would walk up to my gynecologist in Costco, point at me, give him the two thumbs up while grinning and say, 'Nice one, huh?'

7,317

It's a sad moment when you realize the trash goes out more often than you do.

7,318

I was touched by Jesus once Worst field trip to a Mexican prison ever

7,319

What's better: A Parachute Jump or a BJ of a 90 year old? doesn't matter... must not look down..

7,320

There was a pregnant woman.... She was in labor and the doctor said: 'It's labor day!'

7,321

I just got fired for looking up clown videos on my lunch break. My boss didn't buy that "Lisa Ann gets creampied" is a clown video

7,322

A prostate exam... Is worrying when the doctor shouts "look no hands!"

7,323

I think my girlfriend would be a great presidential candidate, Because she's so awesome at bringing up shit from the past.

7,324

two fish in a tank. one says to the other... **how do you drive this thing?**

7,325

No one realizes when someone says, "The last thing I wanna do is hurt you," that basically implies: there is a list, hurting you is on it.

7,326

How did the bird get his bluetooth to work? He had to parrot.

7,327

I have no beef with vegetarians.

7,328

"Why is there a jar of pickles in the bathroom?" "I like pickles." "Do you eat them when you're on the toilet?" "Ewww! EAT them?! Gross!"

7,329

What do a call a fish with no eyes A blind fish

7,330

Why are fruit rapists seldom found alone? They come in pears

7,331

What do you call the child of two parents with downs syndrome? A hand-me-down.

7,332

*me at fast food counter* "hey mister, did this meat bark or meow?" "It asked stupid questions."

7,333

Two atoms walked out of a bar. One turned to the other one and said, "we've got to go back in there, I left an electron" The other one asked, "Are you sure?" He replied, "Yes, I'm positive"

7,334

People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.

7,335

Me: I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Him: Ma'am, for the last time, we don't have a limit on how much liquor you can buy.

7,336

your call is important to us. like, super important. we all bought new outfits for this call. dave is wearing a wig

7,337

A black guy walks into a police station in Florida and he never comes out.

7,338

I like my women like I like my coffee.... Ground up and in the freezer.

7,339

What do you call a panda who's legs don't work? Pandapalegic

7,340

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None!

7,341

Cats are just fuzzy houseplants that hate you.

7,342

If you slap a christian girl on the ass... Would she turn the other cheek?

7,343

You scream, we all scream, I apologize for entering the womens bathroom.

7,344

What did Bruce Lee say about NASA'S discovery WA-TAH!

7,345

What kind of bee can't be understood ? A mumble bee !

7,346

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

7,347

What did the Maple syrup farmer say when he saw a good looking maple tree? "I'd tap that."

7,348

I asked two Uber drivers to pick each other up and am watching them chase each other in circles around my block until they run out of gas.

7,349

There's a reason why "sober" and "so bored" sound almost exactly the same.

7,350

Mission Impossible? He's done four of them now. Let's call it "Mission Pretty Hard but Ultimately Doable"

7,351

Memories. That's how I want to be remembered.

7,352

you hear about the indian chief that drank a case of tea he died in his tee pee

7,353

What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a bad joke?

7,354

You hate me? Well okay, grab a chair and wait for me to care.

7,355

My therapist advised me to feed and water my kids and cook my plants 3 meals a day. And something about listening.

7,356

What's the difference between Santa Claus & Michael Jackson? one comes when children dream & the other dreams of children coming*.

7,357

Why was the banker bored? Because he lost interest in everything.

7,358

Where do you take a sick wasp? To waspital.

7,359

The Koala should be classified as a bear It has all the Koalafications

7,360

I'd say giving birth to a dead baby is better than having a miscarriage At least your baby's still born?

7,361

Is this where you put your jokes? According to my ex wife my career and penis should be here

7,362

I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years.

7,363

Where does a dog go when he loses his tail? A retail store.

7,364

I can't figure out if I'm drinking Malibu rum or licking sun tan lotion off skin.

7,365

"Donatello choose ur weapon" "I'll take a stick" "Really not a sword? Nunchu.." "A STICK" "Ha I guess u wanna wear purple too?" "..." "Ugh"

7,366

What do you call a terrorist from Paris? A Paririst

7,367

How many gay men does it take to change a lightbulb? "Ummm ... forget about the changing the lightbulb, honey, maybe let's start with changing those curtains"

7,368

People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it

7,369

Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting? Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine.

7,370

Whats pink and smells awful? Your mums cunt lol

7,371

My doctor gave me a prescription for anti-depression meds but my Bartender is having a hard time reading his writing...

7,372

[sees crush] Oh you're going to the mall? Wow weird me too. I totally need a new *tries to think of something at the mall* escalator

7,373

What do you call a pig... ...with an unusually high IQ? Einswine

7,374

Liam Gallagher was never good in science. When asked to name 3 chemical elements, he said "Gold and silver and sunshine."

7,375

I should rename myself Summer. All girls want is Summer to come.

7,376

The Wizard of Oz, synopsis. Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.

7,377

When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.

7,378

Why do clowns hate assassins? Because they go for the juggler.

7,379

Here's another great Ellen Pao Joke [deleted]

7,380

"War Horse" and "The Help" are the SAME movie! I watched them on my laptop and they BOTH have a 90 minute scene where I just check Facebook.

7,381

How do the Chinese select their baby names? They chuck a tin can down the stairs Ping Wong ching Pang

7,382

ME: I hate him with 1/16th of the fibers of my being GUY: Not every fiber? ME: I hate alot of people. I'm not wasting all my fibers on 1 guy

7,383

I've become quite independent since my wife left... I just put my second load of washing through the microwave.

7,384

*puts sunglasses on a watermelon* *punches watermelon* "WHERE ARE ALL THE DRUGS!" *slams hands down* "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DID THEM ALL?!"

7,385

I was going to tell you a joke about a cow. But its udderly ridiculous

7,386

Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!

7,387

Wanna hear a joke? Lifetime movies.

7,388

Paid $50 for a device that has a motion detector that emits a sound to scare off neighbor's cat....she's out there rubbing up against it now

7,389

Height of .... Height of Stupidity - Looking through the keyhole of a glass door.. Height of embarrassment - when you find other person looking through the other side of the same keyhole..

7,390

I got banned from the hardware store Every time I walk in, all the stud finders start beeping.

7,391

Pretty Punny! What did the cat stripper say when she found out she was being replaced by a younger pussy?????? You've gotta be Kitten me!

7,392

Whenever someone says, "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes.

7,393

I just said "bye - bye" when I ended a phone call, and now I'm debating on if I should have my milk & cookies before or after recess.

7,394

Short seal joke A baby seal walks into a club

7,395

The first time God made the universe, he skipped leg day. All men were weeping creatures, who ended in bloody torsos and begged for death.

7,396

I hate Housework!!! You do the dishes!! You do the Laundry!! ...and then 6 months later you have to do it all over again!

7,397

My mom drove her car into a tree. She sure found out how a Mercedes bends.

7,398

What did the old Frankish barbarians say to the Roman invasion? [](/dumbfabric)"You don't have the *Gaul* to do it!"

7,399

Why did the raging alcoholic throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila

7,400

*judge bangs gavel on desk* *judge cooks gavel breakfast in the morning* *judge tell gavel he loves her* *judge marries gavel*