ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
6,201	I tried to set our Computers Password to "MyDick" But was disappointed when it said "Error: Not Long Enough"
6,202	my last girlfriend broke up wth me after she went through my phone and i refused to tell her why i searched for goth grandpas
6,203	What's a pirate's favorite letter? The P. If the P was taken away, he would be irate
6,204	The Galactic Empire, after the destruction of the Death Star, has taken to bowling during the interim. The Empire Strikes Back, they call it.
6,205	How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eye
6,206	A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
6,207	Note to self: 1) Your memory sucks. 2) Write note to self.
6,208	Why isnt Hitler invited to any BBQs? Cuhs he burns all the franks! Friend told me this, so im sorry if this has already been posted.
6,209	There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.
6,210	Hey geese crossing the road, u can fly.
6,211	So I saw that Princess Diana is trending on tumblr. She's all over the dashboard!
6,212	Thought of this joke a few years ago and thought id share it with you beautiful people Why cant bulimics be pitchers in baseball? Because they always throw up
6,213	What's the difference between pussy and mashed potatoes Mashed potatoes don't make their own gravy
6,214	It was when I stabbed a Capri Sun perfectly the first time, right in that grey circle, that I knew I wanted to be an assassin.
6,215	Piers Morgan has taken a very strong stance against guns, and who can blame him? If you had a gun, you'd shoot him too.
6,216	If an object falls at 500ft/s how far must Mohammed run to escape the blast?
6,217	What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock? Barns and no-bulls. (This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)
6,218	My son will never know the thrill of illegally downloading Thong Song on napster and waiting 1h39m for it to download
6,219	How many potatos do you need to kill an Irishman? None.
6,220	Its stupid of Apple to include Health apps with their products... ...Everybody knows that people with one Kidney are not supposed to run.
6,221	We never knew he was always drunk... ...until he showed up to work sober.
6,222	Did you hear about the Woodstock Killer? He was charged for murder within tents.
6,223	When my kids are bad I take them out to the woodshed and tell them a bunch of boring stories about the people at my work
6,224	so I painted my computer black the other day... I thought it would run faster. Turns out it stopped working.
6,225	It's hunting season and fox like you shouldnt be out in the open!
6,226	What is the difference between a 5 and a 2? 3.
6,227	[Commercial] Camera focuses on a man choking on a whole apple Narrator: "If only there was a better way?" [On Screen Caption] TEETH
6,228	Mommy mommy what happened to all your scabs ...[NSFL] Shut up and eat your corn flakes!
6,229	A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers, please."
6,230	My girlfriend is in Mexico for vacation and if she has a Juan night stand while she's down there, her and I are totally done.
6,231	During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
6,232	I was suffering from constipation the other day but I really didn't care In fact, I didn't even give a shit.
6,233	What do you give the guy who has everything? Penicillin
6,234	Bring an urn speed dating. Whenever a prospective match asks a question, whisper to urn, "I don't know, Mom: should I tell him?"
6,235	Sorry if you already know this one A Hipster, a vegan and a feminist walk into a bar... How do I know? They have already told everybody about 6 times in 5 minutes
6,236	Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
6,237	You people remind me of lemons.... You're sour, some people like you, and your juices can be squeezed out for money.
6,238	A guy walks into a bar "Ow," he says.
6,239	I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notices that there's a new version of itself.
6,240	Me: crawls in window Him: What are you doing?! Me: You're my boyfriend now? Him: I'm calling the cops Me: But you retweeted me??
6,241	What's the difference between Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump? Reagan helped tear down a wall.
6,242	I like my slave like I like my frees Coffee.
6,243	TEIAM - problem solved fuckers
6,244	And the Oscar goes to.................................... Court for killing his girlfriend.
6,245	Judge: Guilty Me: Sayyoudidwhat. Judge: What did you say? Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence? Stage dives into cheering jury
6,246	Murderer: IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU Me: wow your hands are so soft Murderer: omg really Me: [caresses his hands] what moisturizer do you use
6,247	Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a keyboard? They're all paws.
6,248	Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
6,249	I was pleased with the first day of The World Cup, and even more pleased that it didn't turn into "2 Girls, 1 World Cup" as I had feared.
6,250	What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious
6,251	A Priest a Rabbi and a Nun walk into a bar The bartender looks up and says, "What is this some kind of joke?"
6,252	What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you pick up anything with that?
6,253	Which is more stable, a hamburger or a steak? Hamburger, it's in the ground state.
6,254	I was really ticked at my woman tonight, so I stapled her fun bags together. If ya can't lick 'em, join 'em.
6,255	on fire The chief of the fire department walks into the room where the other firemen wait and says: "Take it easy boys, the Tax Office is on fire."
6,256	I got a haircut recently. I thought it was too short at first, but it's started to grow on me.
6,257	There's nothing worse than when you tell someone it's a long story and they reply with "I have time."
6,258	My son wants a bb gun for Christmas I told him I'l give it my best shot
6,259	I don't understand hair It's just over my head.
6,260	I'm so old... ...my organs are harpsichords.
6,261	What do you call Halloween for feminists? Triggertreat
6,262	I dropped my electric toothbrush in the garbage disposal and accidentally co-produced a Skrillex album.
6,263	What's the difference between a stripper and a hooker? Usually about $40
6,264	I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon. -Emo Philips
6,265	What's the difference between a Therapist and The Rapist? Just a little space
6,266	Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
6,267	I told a joke to my Jewish friends about kosher food, but they didn't like it at all... they said it was too ham-fisted.
6,268	Me: Alexa, did you hear what Siri just said about you?! Alexa: Hold my beer!!!
6,269	LGBT Girl Scout Leader Arrested She was thrown in jail for eating Brownies.
6,270	The best things in life are free. Who let them out?! I PAID GOOD MONEY TO IMPRISON THEM
6,271	My ex and I broke up because she said she couldn't be with someone who wanted her to change. I just wanted her to stop sleeping with my friends.
6,272	At my funeral, I want a homie to adjust my junk one last time. I'm not gonna rest peacefully if my balls are pinched between my legs.
6,273	What kind of book did Frankenstein's monster like to read? One with a cemetery plot.
6,274	My mother always told me never to listen to Rumours. Consequently my copy of Tusk is completely worn out.
6,275	"A smile is like tight underwear...it makes your cheeks go up.
6,276	I went to the zoo today but when I arrived, there was only a dog there It was a shitzu
6,277	My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So I have to sit when I pee now.
6,278	My grandpa would always tell me "You're my favorite granddaughter" I was his only granddaughter.
6,279	A line for cops who pull over attractive drunk models If I could put you in the alphabet, I would go D U I and that's why I'm a writer, I look forward to your hatred of bad jokes
6,280	What country uses the most foul language? Turkey
6,281	My doctor told me that I have to stop masturbating! Because otherwise he can't do his medical examination.
6,282	My girlfriend and i are quite similar They're both imaginary
6,283	I don't ever have to worry about getting sex... Because I'm married, so I already know I won't. Takes all the guesswork right out of it.
6,284	What do naked fish play with ? Bare-a-cudas !
6,285	A penis lives a hard life His neighbor's nuts, he lives accross from an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, everyone calls him a dick, and his owner beats him.
6,286	Right before our Grandpa died we covered his back in butter. He went downhill pretty quickly after that.
6,287	What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags it's tail, while the other tags a whale
6,288	If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
6,289	I just left my job... Me: I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me. Friend: What did he say? Me: "You're fired".
6,290	A magician was driving down the road when suddenly... He turned into a driveway!
6,291	I've never smoked weed before but the frequency with which I pass out, hand in a bag of snack chips, leads me to believe I'd be good at it.
6,292	What are a redneck's last two words before dying ? WATCH THIS !
6,293	Why did the clown go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little funny. He had testicular cancer.
6,294	Yo mama so fat.. I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
6,295	The phrase "watching paint dry" should be replaced with "listening to people talk about brewing their own beer."
6,296	Let's do them. What do you call a group that only wants a Ninja? Goad-diggers.
6,297	How does Professor Charles Xavier Apologise? He says "Cerebro"
6,298	I'm not afraid that the world is going to end.... I'm afraid that it isn't going to change....
6,299	My corn tortillas want me to like them on Facebook. Fuck the future.
6,300	If I had a dollar for every time I think about you, I'd start thinking about you.

6,201

I tried to set our Computers Password to "MyDick" But was disappointed when it said "Error: Not Long Enough"

6,202

my last girlfriend broke up wth me after she went through my phone and i refused to tell her why i searched for goth grandpas

6,203

What's a pirate's favorite letter? The P. If the P was taken away, he would be irate

6,204

The Galactic Empire, after the destruction of the Death Star, has taken to bowling during the interim. The Empire Strikes Back, they call it.

6,205

How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eye

6,206

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

6,207

Note to self: 1) Your memory sucks. 2) Write note to self.

6,208

Why isnt Hitler invited to any BBQs? Cuhs he burns all the franks! Friend told me this, so im sorry if this has already been posted.

6,209

There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.

6,210

Hey geese crossing the road, u can fly.

6,211

So I saw that Princess Diana is trending on tumblr. She's all over the dashboard!

6,212

Thought of this joke a few years ago and thought id share it with you beautiful people Why cant bulimics be pitchers in baseball? Because they always throw up

6,213

What's the difference between pussy and mashed potatoes Mashed potatoes don't make their own gravy

6,214

It was when I stabbed a Capri Sun perfectly the first time, right in that grey circle, that I knew I wanted to be an assassin.

6,215

Piers Morgan has taken a very strong stance against guns, and who can blame him? If you had a gun, you'd shoot him too.

6,216

If an object falls at 500ft/s how far must Mohammed run to escape the blast?

6,217

What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock? Barns and no-bulls. (This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)

6,218

My son will never know the thrill of illegally downloading Thong Song on napster and waiting 1h39m for it to download

6,219

How many potatos do you need to kill an Irishman? None.

6,220

Its stupid of Apple to include Health apps with their products... ...Everybody knows that people with one Kidney are not supposed to run.

6,221

We never knew he was always drunk... ...until he showed up to work sober.

6,222

Did you hear about the Woodstock Killer? He was charged for murder within tents.

6,223

When my kids are bad I take them out to the woodshed and tell them a bunch of boring stories about the people at my work

6,224

so I painted my computer black the other day... I thought it would run faster. Turns out it stopped working.

6,225

It's hunting season and fox like you shouldnt be out in the open!

6,226

What is the difference between a 5 and a 2? 3.

6,227

[Commercial] *Camera focuses on a man choking on a whole apple* Narrator: "If only there was a better way?" [On Screen Caption] TEETH

6,228

Mommy mommy what happened to all your scabs ...[NSFL] Shut up and eat your corn flakes!

6,229

A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers, please."

6,230

My girlfriend is in Mexico for vacation and if she has a Juan night stand while she's down there, her and I are totally done.

6,231

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

6,232

I was suffering from constipation the other day but I really didn't care In fact, I didn't even give a shit.

6,233

What do you give the guy who has everything? Penicillin

6,234

Bring an urn speed dating. Whenever a prospective match asks a question, whisper to urn, "I don't know, Mom: should I tell him?"

6,235

Sorry if you already know this one A Hipster, a vegan and a feminist walk into a bar... How do I know? They have already told everybody about 6 times in 5 minutes

6,236

Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?

6,237

You people remind me of lemons.... You're sour, some people like you, and your juices can be squeezed out for money.

6,238

A guy walks into a bar "Ow," he says.

6,239

I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notices that there's a new version of itself.

6,240

Me: *crawls in window* Him: What are you doing?! Me: You're my boyfriend now? Him: I'm calling the cops Me: But you retweeted me??

6,241

What's the difference between Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump? Reagan helped tear down a wall.

6,242

I like my slave like I like my frees Coffee.

6,243

TEIAM - problem solved fuckers

6,244

And the Oscar goes to.................................... Court for killing his girlfriend.

6,245

Judge: Guilty Me: Sayyoudidwhat. Judge: What did you say? Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence? *Stage dives into cheering jury*

6,246

Murderer: IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU Me: wow your hands are so soft Murderer: omg really Me: [caresses his hands] what moisturizer do you use

6,247

Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a keyboard? They're all paws.

6,248

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.

6,249

I was pleased with the first day of The World Cup, and even more pleased that it didn't turn into "2 Girls, 1 World Cup" as I had feared.

6,250

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious

6,251

A Priest a Rabbi and a Nun walk into a bar The bartender looks up and says, "What is this some kind of joke?"

6,252

What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you pick up anything with that?

6,253

Which is more stable, a hamburger or a steak? Hamburger, it's in the ground state.

6,254

I was really ticked at my woman tonight, so I stapled her fun bags together. If ya can't lick 'em, join 'em.

6,255

on fire The chief of the fire department walks into the room where the other firemen wait and says: "Take it easy boys, the Tax Office is on fire."

6,256

I got a haircut recently. I thought it was too short at first, but it's started to grow on me.

6,257

There's nothing worse than when you tell someone it's a long story and they reply with "I have time."

6,258

My son wants a bb gun for Christmas I told him I'l give it my best shot

6,259

I don't understand hair It's just over my head.

6,260

I'm so old... ...my organs are harpsichords.

6,261

What do you call Halloween for feminists? Triggertreat

6,262

I dropped my electric toothbrush in the garbage disposal and accidentally co-produced a Skrillex album.

6,263

What's the difference between a stripper and a hooker? Usually about $40

6,264

I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon. -Emo Philips

6,265

What's the difference between a Therapist and The Rapist? Just a little space

6,266

Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

6,267

I told a joke to my Jewish friends about kosher food, but they didn't like it at all... they said it was too ham-fisted.

6,268

Me: Alexa, did you hear what Siri just said about you?! Alexa: Hold my beer!!!

6,269

LGBT Girl Scout Leader Arrested She was thrown in jail for eating Brownies.

6,270

The best things in life are free. Who let them out?! I PAID GOOD MONEY TO IMPRISON THEM

6,271

My ex and I broke up because she said she couldn't be with someone who wanted her to change. I just wanted her to stop sleeping with my friends.

6,272

At my funeral, I want a homie to adjust my junk one last time. I'm not gonna rest peacefully if my balls are pinched between my legs.

6,273

What kind of book did Frankenstein's monster like to read? One with a cemetery plot.

6,274

My mother always told me never to listen to Rumours. Consequently my copy of Tusk is completely worn out.

6,275

"A smile is like tight underwear...it makes your cheeks go up.

6,276

I went to the zoo today but when I arrived, there was only a dog there It was a shitzu

6,277

My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So I have to sit when I pee now.

6,278

My grandpa would always tell me "You're my favorite granddaughter" I was his only granddaughter.

6,279

A line for cops who pull over attractive drunk models If I could put you in the alphabet, I would go D U I and that's why I'm a writer, I look forward to your hatred of bad jokes

6,280

What country uses the most foul language? Turkey

6,281

My doctor told me that I have to stop masturbating! Because otherwise he can't do his medical examination.

6,282

My girlfriend and i are quite similar They're both imaginary

6,283

I don't ever have to worry about getting sex... Because I'm married, so I already know I won't. Takes all the guesswork right out of it.

6,284

What do naked fish play with ? Bare-a-cudas !

6,285

A penis lives a hard life His neighbor's nuts, he lives accross from an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, everyone calls him a dick, and his owner beats him.

6,286

Right before our Grandpa died we covered his back in butter. He went downhill pretty quickly after that.

6,287

What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags it's tail, while the other tags a whale

6,288

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

6,289

I just left my job... Me: I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me. Friend: What did he say? Me: "You're fired".

6,290

A magician was driving down the road when suddenly... He turned into a driveway!

6,291

I've never smoked weed before but the frequency with which I pass out, hand in a bag of snack chips, leads me to believe I'd be good at it.

6,292

What are a redneck's last two words before dying ? WATCH THIS !

6,293

Why did the clown go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little funny. He had testicular cancer.

6,294

Yo mama so fat.. I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

6,295

The phrase "watching paint dry" should be replaced with "listening to people talk about brewing their own beer."

6,296

Let's do them. What do you call a group that only wants a Ninja? Goad-diggers.

6,297

How does Professor Charles Xavier Apologise? He says "Cerebro"

6,298

I'm not afraid that the world is going to end.... I'm afraid that it isn't going to change....

6,299

My corn tortillas want me to like them on Facebook. Fuck the future.

6,300

If I had a dollar for every time I think about you, I'd start thinking about you.