ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
6,001	What Does A Chinese Man Need When Taking his Dog Out? Oven mitts.
6,002	holy crap a guy actually gave me his number and i didn't know what to do so i panicked and sent him a picture of a dead bird?
6,003	They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she's escaped from the funny farm?
6,004	why do they always say "fight fire with fire" in the movies and stuff? basic pokemon training renders that pretty ineffective
6,005	I went to the Zoo the other day, but all it had was one dog. It was a shitzu.
6,006	Isn't everyone gettin over racist jokes? Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal
6,007	Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.
6,008	I was playing the Witcher 3 and I realized It should be called the Bitcher, cause I slay more pussy than monsters. ( )
6,009	Art Teacher: your drawings are due tomorrow me: [hours later] maybe add in some grapes police sketch artist: ..a bowl of fruit attacked you?
6,010	(Waiter) "What can I get you sir?" (Gastronomist) "Something with a simpler plot."
6,011	A heads up to girls on Facebook .. if your status says "single" and your profile picture is you with your cat - Well then no fucking shit
6,012	Why is Hillary Clinton just like a man? Because she won't pull out until she's done.
6,013	Someone came to my door today asking for donations to the local swimming pool So I gave them a glass of water
6,014	According to movie trailers, 98% of white kids are possessed by the devil.
6,015	A racist, a womanizer, and a rapist walked into a bar... ...the bartender says "how may I help you, Mr. President?"
6,016	A hearse passed me on the highway going over 100 mph... Some body was in a rush.
6,017	One great thing about a cartoon avi is that I could be anything. I could be a 90-yo man. I could be a baby. HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M NOT A BABY!
6,018	That awkward moment when ur mom doesn't know the words to a song so she screams "HAIL SATAN" & explodes
6,019	Why can't they teach drivers ed on the same day as sex ed in Egypt? Wears out the camel.
6,020	How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? THE LIGHTBULB IS FINE. THERE IS NO PROBLEM WITH IT. I MADE LIGHTBULBS WITH GOOD MANAGEMENT. LET'S MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.
6,021	Why did the console peasant cross the road ? To render buildings on the other side
6,022	What is Tom Hanks' wireless password? 1forrest1
6,023	What do you call a lizard with sex problems? Ereptile Dysfunction
6,024	Me: "There are so many exotic sounding flavours these days. I just can't resist-" Doctor: "YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING SHAMPOO!"
6,025	Tip of the day: When there's a will...find a way to be in it!
6,026	What did the lightbulb say to its mother? I wuv you watts and watts.
6,027	This girl I like said she didn't like bondage..... ....Me either, but you're the one who said No.
6,028	You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck.
6,029	Why is F-time so much fun? Because F-time is Part-E time.
6,030	Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight? BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE
6,031	Honked & did thumbs-up to teen goth girl on the street I thought looked super cool & she rolled her eyes & I was like YES EXACTLY KEEP AT IT
6,032	If this post on WebMD is correct, I died like ten years ago.
6,033	A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn't need any assistance. The tailor says... ... "Fine. Suit yourself."
6,034	A kid came to my door earlier dressed like a mime, so I pretended to put candy in his basket.
6,035	My goal for 2017.... ....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013
6,036	[warning racist] wanna hear a dark joke? africas population
6,037	Cause the players gonna play play play The haters gonna hate hate hate Baby Im just gonna bottle it all up & develop severe trust issues
6,038	Who serves all you can eat rabbit stew? Warren Buffet!
6,039	I love this joke today Knock, knock. "Who's there?" 9/11 "9/11 who?" You said you would never forget! Sorry if this has been posted recently.. Could be too soon?
6,040	My door to door VHS sales are taking a nose dive because of the economy.
6,041	Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger But she did move to California in 1849...
6,042	I tried to go into a restaurant playing Pokemon go. I couldn't get in though. The servers were too busy.
6,043	Husband: Have you lost weight? Me: About 10 lbs H: Who you trying to look good for? *wink M: You don't know him. He's on Twitter...
6,044	Two fish swim into a wall One looks at the other and says "Dam!" #oldbutgold
6,045	What did the dyslexic bank robber say when he robbed the bank? "Air in the hands motherstickers! This is a fuck up!"
6,046	Preventing childhood obesity... It's as easy as taking candy from a baby.
6,047	bangs gavel wife: who???
6,048	What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? Stuck
6,049	New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.
6,050	What do you call the Japanese demon of spices? The Pepper Oni.
6,051	I would post a Casey Anthony joke... But my mom would kill me.
6,052	What's the difference between Australia and Yogurt? Culture
6,053	I think some drugs should be legalized... but cocaine is where I draw the line.
6,054	Why was the horse farmer arrested? He was raising a colt.
6,055	What's pink and wrinked and hangs out my Y-fronts? My mum.
6,056	What's gray squeaky and hangs around in caves ? Stalagmice !
6,057	Everyone's gynecologist uses the term battle damage,' right?
6,058	A terrorist posts on reddit. His post blows up. He meets 72 virgins. His day could not be better.
6,059	NSFW) Name your James Bond Porno...Go! From Russia With Glove:No Glove = No Love
6,060	Mexican and Black Jokes are ALL the same... Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
6,061	Have you heard about the masochist who likes taking a cold shower every morning? So he has a hot one instead.
6,062	Have you seen 'Wears My Penis? Ooops, typo. Have you seen where my pen is?
6,063	How does one turn a fox into a pig?.. ...Marry her.
6,064	Dad I spotted a Dalmatian! No need to it already has its own spots!
6,065	wakes up at the crack of Dawn instantly regrets drunk dialing Dawn last night
6,066	Knock Knock Who's there ! Brother ! Brother who ? Brother-ation I've forgotten your name !
6,067	Your chances in Vegas are better than you think. 1 out of 5 times you'll get an std.
6,068	Why was the shower crying It was being used.
6,069	[Captain America, minutes after the love of his life's funeral] Damn her niece is hot
6,070	What do you get if you mix a rhetorical question and a joke?
6,071	Have you heard the Eric Garner joke? It's so funny I can't breathe Edit: Woah gold, thank you kind stranger :D
6,072	The animals that like to be pet are the ones that feel the best to touch how dope is that
6,073	Two fish are in a tank... The first fish says to the second fish, "How do we drive this thing?"
6,074	why do JEWS have big noses ? air is free
6,075	If you're unsure if you're pregnant or not that's called a maby
6,076	[prison riot] standing over my origami ducks "GO AROUND! GO AROUND!"
6,077	What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah!
6,078	curious new Snapchat filter shows exact date and time of your death but refuses to be sent. then you notice: the time says five minutes ago.
6,079	Tight pants are like a cheap hotel... No ball room
6,080	How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving
6,081	I got a job at the circus circumcising baby elephants. It pays peanuts, but the tips are huge.
6,082	There are 11 types of people in this world.. a) those that understand Roman numerals. b) those that don't understand Roman numerals.
6,083	A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm Nice pig says the bartender. It's a duck she says. I was talking to the duck says the bartender.
6,084	An apple a day... Keeps the non-binary away
6,085	KIM KARDASHIAN: Elane you GOTA see the BABY ELANE: I follow you on instagram. Im gona see it
6,086	What's the best thing about turning 65? No more calls from insurance salesmen.
6,087	I like mixing laxatives and nitrous oxide on a regular basis, but it's OK... ...I only do it for shits and giggles.
6,088	How many Dragon Ball characters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just 1, but It'll take 7 episodes for him to do it.
6,089	"Babe, is it in?" "Yea." "Does it hurt?" "Uh huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
6,090	Seriously considering telling the CDC I have Ebola, so they'll clean my house.
6,091	Why'd you order the Fish n' Chips? For the Halibut.
6,092	Friend: "Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?" Me: "Sure" walks up to girl whispers "magnanimous"
6,093	What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys? Coach. What do you call one white guy surrounded by 100 black guys? Warden.
6,094	What do you get when you cross Christmas and a Duck? A Christmas-Quacker!
6,095	Someone just caught me picking my nose at a stop light. Had to just cut my losses and run the red light.
6,096	What do you call a bird with big boobs? A para-teet.
6,097	The most romantic movie of all time is definitely Pixar's UP. That old man really loved his house.
6,098	Being rich is like being pregnant Everyone is happy for you, but no one asks how many times you were screwed to get there.
6,099	The hardest part of being a congressman must be pretending to actually like the people where you're from.
6,100	Why did the blonde have a sore belly-button? Because she had a blond boyfriend.

6,001

What Does A Chinese Man Need When Taking his Dog Out? Oven mitts.

6,002

holy crap a guy actually gave me his number and i didn't know what to do so i panicked and sent him a picture of a dead bird?

6,003

They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she's escaped from the funny farm?

6,004

why do they always say "fight fire with fire" in the movies and stuff? basic pokemon training renders that pretty ineffective

6,005

I went to the Zoo the other day, but all it had was one dog. It was a shitzu.

6,006

Isn't everyone gettin over racist jokes? Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal

6,007

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.

6,008

I was playing the Witcher 3 and I realized It should be called the Bitcher, cause I slay more pussy than monsters. ( )

6,009

Art Teacher: your drawings are due tomorrow me: [hours later] maybe add in some grapes police sketch artist: ..a bowl of fruit attacked you?

6,010

(Waiter) "What can I get you sir?" (Gastronomist) "Something with a simpler plot."

6,011

A heads up to girls on Facebook .. if your status says "single" and your profile picture is you with your cat - Well then no fucking shit

6,012

Why is Hillary Clinton just like a man? Because she won't pull out until she's done.

6,013

Someone came to my door today asking for donations to the local swimming pool So I gave them a glass of water

6,014

According to movie trailers, 98% of white kids are possessed by the devil.

6,015

A racist, a womanizer, and a rapist walked into a bar... ...the bartender says "how may I help you, Mr. President?"

6,016

A hearse passed me on the highway going over 100 mph... Some body was in a rush.

6,017

One great thing about a cartoon avi is that I could be anything. I could be a 90-yo man. I could be a baby. HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M NOT A BABY!

6,018

That awkward moment when ur mom doesn't know the words to a song so she screams "HAIL SATAN" & explodes

6,019

Why can't they teach drivers ed on the same day as sex ed in Egypt? Wears out the camel.

6,020

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? THE LIGHTBULB IS FINE. THERE IS NO PROBLEM WITH IT. I MADE LIGHTBULBS WITH GOOD MANAGEMENT. LET'S MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.

6,021

Why did the console peasant cross the road ? To render buildings on the other side

6,022

What is Tom Hanks' wireless password? 1forrest1

6,023

What do you call a lizard with sex problems? Ereptile Dysfunction

6,024

Me: "There are so many exotic sounding flavours these days. I just can't resist-" Doctor: "YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING SHAMPOO!"

6,025

Tip of the day: When there's a will...find a way to be in it!

6,026

What did the lightbulb say to its mother? I wuv you watts and watts.

6,027

This girl I like said she didn't like bondage..... ....Me either, but you're the one who said No.

6,028

You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck.

6,029

Why is F-time so much fun? Because F-time is Part-E time.

6,030

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight? BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

6,031

Honked & did thumbs-up to teen goth girl on the street I thought looked super cool & she rolled her eyes & I was like YES EXACTLY KEEP AT IT

6,032

If this post on WebMD is correct, I died like ten years ago.

6,033

A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn't need any assistance. The tailor says... ... "Fine. Suit yourself."

6,034

A kid came to my door earlier dressed like a mime, so I pretended to put candy in his basket.

6,035

My goal for 2017.... ....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013

6,036

[warning racist] wanna hear a dark joke? africas population

6,037

Cause the players gonna play play play The haters gonna hate hate hate Baby Im just gonna bottle it all up & develop severe trust issues

6,038

Who serves all you can eat rabbit stew? Warren Buffet!

6,039

I love this joke today Knock, knock. "Who's there?" 9/11 "9/11 who?" You said you would never forget! Sorry if this has been posted recently.. Could be too soon?

6,040

My door to door VHS sales are taking a nose dive because of the economy.

6,041

Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger But she did move to California in 1849...

6,042

I tried to go into a restaurant playing Pokemon go. I couldn't get in though. The servers were too busy.

6,043

Husband: Have you lost weight? Me: About 10 lbs H: Who you trying to look good for? *wink M: You don't know him. He's on Twitter...

6,044

Two fish swim into a wall One looks at the other and says *"Dam!"* #oldbutgold

6,045

What did the dyslexic bank robber say when he robbed the bank? "Air in the hands motherstickers! This is a fuck up!"

6,046

Preventing childhood obesity... It's as easy as taking candy from a baby.

6,047

*bangs gavel* wife: who???

6,048

What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? Stuck

6,049

New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.

6,050

What do you call the Japanese demon of spices? The Pepper Oni.

6,051

I would post a Casey Anthony joke... But my mom would kill me.

6,052

What's the difference between Australia and Yogurt? Culture

6,053

I think some drugs should be legalized... but cocaine is where I draw the line.

6,054

Why was the horse farmer arrested? He was raising a colt.

6,055

What's pink and wrinked and hangs out my Y-fronts? My mum.

6,056

What's gray squeaky and hangs around in caves ? Stalagmice !

6,057

Everyone's gynecologist uses the term battle damage,' right?

6,058

A terrorist posts on reddit. His post blows up. He meets 72 virgins. His day could not be better.

6,059

NSFW) Name your James Bond Porno...Go! From Russia With Glove:No Glove = No Love

6,060

Mexican and Black Jokes are ALL the same... Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

6,061

Have you heard about the masochist who likes taking a cold shower every morning? So he has a hot one instead.

6,062

Have you seen 'Wears My Penis? Ooops, typo. Have you seen where my pen is?

6,063

How does one turn a fox into a pig?.. ...Marry her.

6,064

Dad I spotted a Dalmatian! No need to it already has its own spots!

6,065

*wakes up at the crack of Dawn* *instantly regrets drunk dialing Dawn last night*

6,066

Knock Knock Who's there ! Brother ! Brother who ? Brother-ation I've forgotten your name !

6,067

Your chances in Vegas are better than you think. 1 out of 5 times you'll get an std.

6,068

Why was the shower crying It was being used.

6,069

[Captain America, minutes after the love of his life's funeral] Damn her niece is hot

6,070

What do you get if you mix a rhetorical question and a joke?

6,071

Have you heard the Eric Garner joke? It's so funny I can't breathe Edit: Woah gold, thank you kind stranger :D

6,072

The animals that like to be pet are the ones that feel the best to touch how dope is that

6,073

Two fish are in a tank... The first fish says to the second fish, "How do we drive this thing?"

6,074

why do JEWS have big noses ? air is free

6,075

If you're unsure if you're pregnant or not that's called a maby

6,076

[prison riot] *standing over my origami ducks* "GO AROUND! GO AROUND!"

6,077

What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah!

6,078

curious new Snapchat filter shows exact date and time of your death but refuses to be sent. then you notice: the time says five minutes ago.

6,079

Tight pants are like a cheap hotel... No ball room

6,080

How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving

6,081

I got a job at the circus circumcising baby elephants. It pays peanuts, but the tips are huge.

6,082

There are 11 types of people in this world.. a) those that understand Roman numerals. b) those that don't understand Roman numerals.

6,083

A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm Nice pig says the bartender. It's a duck she says. I was talking to the duck says the bartender.

6,084

An apple a day... Keeps the non-binary away

6,085

KIM KARDASHIAN: Elane you GOTA see the BABY ELANE: I follow you on instagram. Im gona see it

6,086

What's the best thing about turning 65? No more calls from insurance salesmen.

6,087

I like mixing laxatives and nitrous oxide on a regular basis, but it's OK... ...I only do it for shits and giggles.

6,088

How many Dragon Ball characters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just 1, but It'll take 7 episodes for him to do it.

6,089

"Babe, is it in?" *"Yea."* **"Does it hurt?"** *"Uh huh."* **"Let me put it in slowly."** *"It still hurts."* **"Okay, let's try another shoe size."**

6,090

Seriously considering telling the CDC I have Ebola, so they'll clean my house.

6,091

Why'd you order the Fish n' Chips? For the Halibut.

6,092

Friend: "Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?" Me: "Sure" *walks up to girl* *whispers* "magnanimous"

6,093

What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys? Coach. What do you call one white guy surrounded by 100 black guys? Warden.

6,094

What do you get when you cross Christmas and a Duck? A Christmas-Quacker!

6,095

Someone just caught me picking my nose at a stop light. Had to just cut my losses and run the red light.

6,096

What do you call a bird with big boobs? A para-teet.

6,097

The most romantic movie of all time is definitely Pixar's UP. That old man really loved his house.

6,098

Being rich is like being pregnant Everyone is happy for you, but no one asks how many times you were screwed to get there.

6,099

The hardest part of being a congressman must be pretending to actually like the people where you're from.

6,100

Why did the blonde have a sore belly-button? Because she had a blond boyfriend.