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6,101 | What is the difference between Coors beer and a ... clitoris? A clitoris only tastes like piss for a second. |
6,102 | No Olympian will ever be better at medaling than the gang on Scooby Doo. |
6,103 | Q: What's a little quicker than a shark? A: The Little Mermaid on her period. |
6,104 | Breaking News: Video has been arrested today & charged with the 1st degree murder of Radio Star. |
6,105 | I don't watch soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would take my friends to the bar. |
6,106 | Her: Are you even capable of love? Me: I'm pretty sure I love pancakes. |
6,107 | What is created when you rub two oranges together? Pulp Friction |
6,108 | "will you be paying with cash or credit?" "Cash" *start playing "ring of fire" on my kazoo *gets tackled by security* |
6,109 | Spell "attic" without laughing out loud |
6,110 | I too was once a male trapped in a female body... But then my mother gave birth. |
6,111 | Any fountain can be a Fountain of Youth if filled with champagne and you've had 5 glasses. |
6,112 | Why did man invent curling? To convince women sweeping was a sport. |
6,113 | What's the difference between black people and cancer? Cancer got Jobs. |
6,114 | How do you seduce a fat woman? PIece of cake. |
6,115 | What is the similarity between a projector and an ugly prostitute? Both work better with the lights off. |
6,116 | Why do lesbians shop at Dunham's? Because they don't like Dick's. |
6,117 | Play on Words I really want to come up with a play on words but I don't know how it will do in front of an audience. |
6,118 | What do you call it when someone resuscitates a person who chokes on alcohol? La chaim-lich maneuver. |
6,119 | As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people... But I guess I'll take a shot at it. |
6,120 | I bet Ryan Gosling doesn't even blow his candles out. He probably just winks at them and they faint. |
6,121 | *checking out of Hotel California* You can check-out any time you like "Okay yes, now" But you can never leave! "Ugh where's your manager" |
6,122 | What did Mozart say to the police clerk? "I'll be Bach" hahaha. What do you mean they're different people |
6,123 | Black humour is like children with cancer.. ..it never gets old |
6,124 | Good Girls & Bad Girls! Difference Between Good Girls And Bad Girls Good Girls Open Few Buttons In Hot Atmosphere, But Bad Girls Open All Buttons To Make The Atmosphere Hot! |
6,125 | What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot. |
6,126 | My friend said I didn't understand irony... Which is ironic because we were standing in a bus stop at the time. |
6,127 | What is long and hard that women don't have compulsorily? The military service. |
6,128 | What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll up. |
6,129 | Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon? I hear the food is good but there's no atmosphere. |
6,130 | "Game of Thrones" author George R. R. Martin joined Twitter this week. He already has 80,000 followers and that's just the cast of "Game of Thrones." |
6,131 | Why is the leaning tower of Pisa in Italy? It's Italicized |
6,132 | So ... Helium walks into a bar Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says: "We don't serve noble gasses here." Helium doesn't react. |
6,133 | My new girlfriend really takes my breath away.... She's inflatable. |
6,134 | *Mary Poppins voice* Ok, children! Time to go! [15 min later] *Batman voice* I said let's go. |
6,135 | Why did the owl owl ? Because the woodpecker would peck 'er ! |
6,136 | Comedy legend Joan Rivers passed away. Hundreds of plastic surgeons mourn the loss of their jobs. |
6,137 | How to Skrillex sign his Valentine's Day cards? I wub wub wub you.... |
6,138 | did you fall from heaven because your face is all screwed up |
6,139 | I bought my friend an elephant for their room. They said thank you. I said don't mention it. |
6,140 | My new years resolution is the same as last year. 1920x1080 |
6,141 | So which Gate works at the army? Col.Gate I'll leave now. |
6,142 | Congratulations are in order. I just got the stitches in the roof of my mouth removed from that bowl of Cap'n Crunch I had when I was 13. |
6,143 | Remember, Christmas isn't about how big your tree is, or what's under it. It's about who's around it. |
6,144 | How do you catch a bear? 1. Dig a big hole 2. Fill the hole with ash 3. Place peas all around the hole 4. Finally, when the bear stops to take a pea you kick it in the ash-hole |
6,145 | What's enormous, gray, and unimportant? Irrelephant. |
6,146 | If I'm in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet |
6,147 | What kind of bees make milk? Boo-bees |
6,148 | I saw Lenin pick his nose the other day... Communists have no class... |
6,149 | I got invited to a block party recently. I show up, blocks EVERYWHERE. |
6,150 | I lost fifty pounds in two weeks by lying! |
6,151 | What do you call an Asian with a big... NSFW Butt hole? Gay ping! |
6,152 | A Texas sheriff found a black man who was shot 12 times. He said it was the worst case of suicide he'd ever seen. |
6,153 | I try to live each day like it's my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life? |
6,154 | What's the difference between a snitch whose been caught and a free-spirited orphan with an Oedipus complex? One's a dead-ass motherfucker. The other's a dead mother ass-fucker. |
6,155 | BEST vine with nigga - chocolate milk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JZfR4PwIbs |
6,156 | Why didn't 2x befriend x^2 ? He had trouble integrating |
6,157 | I, for one... is a roman numeral. |
6,158 | I'm taking up cross-stitch so I can make handmade gifts for all the girls in my life Cause bitches get stitches. (though I won't have as many once this stupid joke gets out.) |
6,159 | The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother. |
6,160 | [raises hand during kickboxing lesson] when do we get to kick boxes? [instructor] that's not what we- [me] I just hate boxes so damn much |
6,161 | Two aerials (antennas) meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant. |
6,162 | No point I'll go straight to the point, this all sentence is pointless |
6,163 | Where do stoners keep their money? In a joint account |
6,164 | Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive. |
6,165 | I'v been catfishing my best friend Dave for the last 3 weeks. He's gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I'm showing these emails to his wife. |
6,166 | If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? |
6,167 | Emails So I had to stop redirecting my emails to the girls in my class. They said I was being too forward. |
6,168 | Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed. |
6,169 | Going to a baby shower and I'm real nervous, do they just kind of pour down on you? If you catch one do you have to keep it? |
6,170 | One problem I had with Catholicism as a child was... all the sexy priests. |
6,171 | Out of all my body parts, my eyes are in the best shape... I roll them at least 489 times a day. |
6,172 | People ask if I saw any 'Red Flags'... Well, I was an anarcho-capitalist and she was a Hoxhaist... |
6,173 | My girlfriend says I can't visualise things I can't imagine why. |
6,174 | What's the best remedy for a sex starved drug addict? A jack and coke. |
6,175 | Neighbor asked me over for coffee and said 'make yourself comfortable', so I did, I went home. |
6,176 | I know I've had enough to drink when I suddenly know everyone's middle name and it's "Motherfucking." |
6,177 | My work ethic could best be described as "procrastinate as much as possible then frantically scream OH FUCK right before the deadline." |
6,178 | Why are frogs happy? Because they eat what bugs them.. Source: 3rd grader told me this joke.. |
6,179 | "It's beautiful today. Let's work outside." *5 mins later* "This was a terrible idea." *more bees disrupt the open heart surgery* |
6,180 | Where does Justin Timberlake go swimming when he's in the Ukraine? The Crimea River |
6,181 | You know why /r/jokes doesn't allow pictures? thatsthejoke.jpg |
6,182 | I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right... |
6,183 | When the devil buys your soul he makes you sign a contract because even though he is pure evil he has an unshakable respect for tort law. |
6,184 | What did Sean Connery do when he saw a guy drowning? he started undressing and yelled 'I will shave you' |
6,185 | Cars Why do lazy people only drive automatics? Because they're shiftless. |
6,186 | I keep getting told I'm a terrible mailman.. Oops I've posted this in the wrong place |
6,187 | My kids are asking to be fed and cared for and stuff. This parenting thing is bullshit. |
6,188 | Teacher Johnny: Use the word HARASSMENT in a Sentence... Johnny: I was in Love with a girl and.. Her-ass-meant a lot to me |
6,189 | Obesity it's a disease People in America say obesity is a disease. The only thing diseases and obese people have in common is they are both really easy to catch. |
6,190 | I shaved my legs and now my socks keep falling down. Life is hard. |
6,191 | If I've learned one thing from twitter, it's how to get a ton of work done in an hour after wasting 80% of my day tweeting. |
6,192 | Why is Christopher Walken so tired? Because at night, he's always sleepwalken |
6,193 | Programmers tend to byte their food |
6,194 | Yo mama so fat when she went to Walmart, she tripped on Walgreens, and landed right on target |
6,195 | When the cashier asks, "Paper or plastic", I say, "Plastic", then use the bag to suffocate a bird in the parking lot while staring him down. |
6,196 | *speaks at high school graduation* Your 12 year free trial has expired. To continue your education please submit your credit card info. |
6,197 | So far my toddler's most impressive defense mechanism is pooping his pants every time anyone rings our doorbell. |
6,198 | Told my mom I hit 1200 Twitter followers. She pointed out how my brother owns a house and I'm wanted by several collection agencies. Oh ma! |
6,199 | Never underestimate the power of a woman's INTUITION. Some women can recognize game before you even play it. |
6,200 | There are two types of friends: Those that keep your car clean And Julian FUCKING JULIAN |
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