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6,101
What is the difference between Coors beer and a ... clitoris? A clitoris only tastes like piss for a second.
6,102
No Olympian will ever be better at medaling than the gang on Scooby Doo.
6,103
Q: What's a little quicker than a shark? A: The Little Mermaid on her period.
6,104
Breaking News: Video has been arrested today & charged with the 1st degree murder of Radio Star.
6,105
I don't watch soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would take my friends to the bar.
6,106
Her: Are you even capable of love? Me: I'm pretty sure I love pancakes.
6,107
What is created when you rub two oranges together? Pulp Friction
6,108
"will you be paying with cash or credit?" "Cash" *start playing "ring of fire" on my kazoo *gets tackled by security*
6,109
Spell "attic" without laughing out loud
6,110
I too was once a male trapped in a female body... But then my mother gave birth.
6,111
Any fountain can be a Fountain of Youth if filled with champagne and you've had 5 glasses.
6,112
Why did man invent curling? To convince women sweeping was a sport.
6,113
What's the difference between black people and cancer? Cancer got Jobs.
6,114
How do you seduce a fat woman? PIece of cake.
6,115
What is the similarity between a projector and an ugly prostitute? Both work better with the lights off.
6,116
Why do lesbians shop at Dunham's? Because they don't like Dick's.
6,117
Play on Words I really want to come up with a play on words but I don't know how it will do in front of an audience.
6,118
What do you call it when someone resuscitates a person who chokes on alcohol? La chaim-lich maneuver.
6,119
As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people... But I guess I'll take a shot at it.
6,120
I bet Ryan Gosling doesn't even blow his candles out. He probably just winks at them and they faint.
6,121
*checking out of Hotel California* You can check-out any time you like "Okay yes, now" But you can never leave! "Ugh where's your manager"
6,122
What did Mozart say to the police clerk? "I'll be Bach" hahaha. What do you mean they're different people
6,123
Black humour is like children with cancer.. ..it never gets old
6,124
Good Girls & Bad Girls! Difference Between Good Girls And Bad Girls Good Girls Open Few Buttons In Hot Atmosphere, But Bad Girls Open All Buttons To Make The Atmosphere Hot!
6,125
What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot.
6,126
My friend said I didn't understand irony... Which is ironic because we were standing in a bus stop at the time.
6,127
What is long and hard that women don't have compulsorily? The military service.
6,128
What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll up.
6,129
Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon? I hear the food is good but there's no atmosphere.
6,130
"Game of Thrones" author George R. R. Martin joined Twitter this week. He already has 80,000 followers and that's just the cast of "Game of Thrones."
6,131
Why is the leaning tower of Pisa in Italy? It's Italicized
6,132
So ... Helium walks into a bar Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says: "We don't serve noble gasses here." Helium doesn't react.
6,133
My new girlfriend really takes my breath away.... She's inflatable.
6,134
*Mary Poppins voice* Ok, children! Time to go! [15 min later] *Batman voice* I said let's go.
6,135
Why did the owl owl ? Because the woodpecker would peck 'er !
6,136
Comedy legend Joan Rivers passed away. Hundreds of plastic surgeons mourn the loss of their jobs.
6,137
How to Skrillex sign his Valentine's Day cards? I wub wub wub you....
6,138
did you fall from heaven because your face is all screwed up
6,139
I bought my friend an elephant for their room. They said thank you. I said don't mention it.
6,140
My new years resolution is the same as last year. 1920x1080
6,141
So which Gate works at the army? Col.Gate I'll leave now.
6,142
Congratulations are in order. I just got the stitches in the roof of my mouth removed from that bowl of Cap'n Crunch I had when I was 13.
6,143
Remember, Christmas isn't about how big your tree is, or what's under it. It's about who's around it.
6,144
How do you catch a bear? 1. Dig a big hole 2. Fill the hole with ash 3. Place peas all around the hole 4. Finally, when the bear stops to take a pea you kick it in the ash-hole
6,145
What's enormous, gray, and unimportant? Irrelephant.
6,146
If I'm in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
6,147
What kind of bees make milk? Boo-bees
6,148
I saw Lenin pick his nose the other day... Communists have no class...
6,149
I got invited to a block party recently. I show up, blocks EVERYWHERE.
6,150
I lost fifty pounds in two weeks by lying!
6,151
What do you call an Asian with a big... NSFW Butt hole? Gay ping!
6,152
A Texas sheriff found a black man who was shot 12 times. He said it was the worst case of suicide he'd ever seen.
6,153
I try to live each day like it's my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
6,154
What's the difference between a snitch whose been caught and a free-spirited orphan with an Oedipus complex? One's a dead-ass motherfucker. The other's a dead mother ass-fucker.
6,155
BEST vine with nigga - chocolate milk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JZfR4PwIbs
6,156
Why didn't 2x befriend x^2 ? He had trouble integrating
6,157
I, for one... is a roman numeral.
6,158
I'm taking up cross-stitch so I can make handmade gifts for all the girls in my life Cause bitches get stitches. (though I won't have as many once this stupid joke gets out.)
6,159
The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother.
6,160
[raises hand during kickboxing lesson] when do we get to kick boxes? [instructor] that's not what we- [me] I just hate boxes so damn much
6,161
Two aerials (antennas) meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
6,162
No point I'll go straight to the point, this all sentence is pointless
6,163
Where do stoners keep their money? In a joint account
6,164
Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.
6,165
I'v been catfishing my best friend Dave for the last 3 weeks. He's gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I'm showing these emails to his wife.
6,166
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
6,167
Emails So I had to stop redirecting my emails to the girls in my class. They said I was being too forward.
6,168
Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
6,169
Going to a baby shower and I'm real nervous, do they just kind of pour down on you? If you catch one do you have to keep it?
6,170
One problem I had with Catholicism as a child was... all the sexy priests.
6,171
Out of all my body parts, my eyes are in the best shape... I roll them at least 489 times a day.
6,172
People ask if I saw any 'Red Flags'... Well, I was an anarcho-capitalist and she was a Hoxhaist...
6,173
My girlfriend says I can't visualise things I can't imagine why.
6,174
What's the best remedy for a sex starved drug addict? A jack and coke.
6,175
Neighbor asked me over for coffee and said 'make yourself comfortable', so I did, I went home.
6,176
I know I've had enough to drink when I suddenly know everyone's middle name and it's "Motherfucking."
6,177
My work ethic could best be described as "procrastinate as much as possible then frantically scream OH FUCK right before the deadline."
6,178
Why are frogs happy? Because they eat what bugs them.. Source: 3rd grader told me this joke..
6,179
"It's beautiful today. Let's work outside." *5 mins later* "This was a terrible idea." *more bees disrupt the open heart surgery*
6,180
Where does Justin Timberlake go swimming when he's in the Ukraine? The Crimea River
6,181
You know why /r/jokes doesn't allow pictures? thatsthejoke.jpg
6,182
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
6,183
When the devil buys your soul he makes you sign a contract because even though he is pure evil he has an unshakable respect for tort law.
6,184
What did Sean Connery do when he saw a guy drowning? he started undressing and yelled 'I will shave you'
6,185
Cars Why do lazy people only drive automatics? Because they're shiftless.
6,186
I keep getting told I'm a terrible mailman.. Oops I've posted this in the wrong place
6,187
My kids are asking to be fed and cared for and stuff. This parenting thing is bullshit.
6,188
Teacher Johnny: Use the word HARASSMENT in a Sentence... Johnny: I was in Love with a girl and.. Her-ass-meant a lot to me
6,189
Obesity it's a disease People in America say obesity is a disease. The only thing diseases and obese people have in common is they are both really easy to catch.
6,190
I shaved my legs and now my socks keep falling down. Life is hard.
6,191
If I've learned one thing from twitter, it's how to get a ton of work done in an hour after wasting 80% of my day tweeting.
6,192
Why is Christopher Walken so tired? Because at night, he's always sleepwalken
6,193
Programmers tend to byte their food
6,194
Yo mama so fat when she went to Walmart, she tripped on Walgreens, and landed right on target
6,195
When the cashier asks, "Paper or plastic", I say, "Plastic", then use the bag to suffocate a bird in the parking lot while staring him down.
6,196
*speaks at high school graduation* Your 12 year free trial has expired. To continue your education please submit your credit card info.
6,197
So far my toddler's most impressive defense mechanism is pooping his pants every time anyone rings our doorbell.
6,198
Told my mom I hit 1200 Twitter followers. She pointed out how my brother owns a house and I'm wanted by several collection agencies. Oh ma!
6,199
Never underestimate the power of a woman's INTUITION. Some women can recognize game before you even play it.
6,200
There are two types of friends: Those that keep your car clean And Julian FUCKING JULIAN