ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
5,601	What is the difference between Donald Trump's hair and a Headcrab? Nothing.
5,602	When you're alone in your room, start doing karate so ghosts know what's up.
5,603	U once broke ur toe? I once broke my foot. U had a baby? I had 2 babies. U have a bad back? I have a bad front. I can do this all day, btw.
5,604	i know i'm getting old because i'm grumpy, i sleep early, and the devil appears with an empty hourglass whenever i shut my medicine cabinet
5,605	What do you say if your mom sees you having sex? You say: Look mom, no hands!
5,606	What do you do if attacked by a clan of clowns? Go for the juggler
5,607	I was gonna tell you guys a gay joke... ...butt fuck it
5,608	Why can't Iron Man stay in a steady relationship? He has rust issues.
5,609	What do you have left after you burn a French alphabet? H Edit: I don't like explaining jokes but since the first guy didn't get I might as well: When pronounced in a French accent it sounds like ash.
5,610	Her: What veggies are the kids having with dinner? Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...
5,611	How many American cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb? Two. One to arrest the room for being black, and the other to arrest the bulb for being broke.
5,612	Totally Original Roses are Red Violets are Blue Some Poems Rhyme This one doesn't
5,613	A Nerd joke.. A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."
5,614	sapnu puaS Read it upside down
5,615	In a perfect world a "Party Pooper" would be someone who could shoot confetti out of their butt.
5,616	Knock, Knock... Who's there? Peas. Peas who? Peas pass the butter
5,617	There was an old lady at a ATM today, she asked me if I could help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
5,618	What kind of juice does hitler drink? Concentrated juice.
5,619	Never feel worthless! Your organs are worth thousands.
5,620	Please Choose a Sears Portrait Background: 1. Autumn Leaves 2. Toenail Fungal Infection 3. Country Cabin 4. Alarmed Possum
5,621	The photo technician got caught masterbating to people's photos They charged him with "indecent exposure"
5,622	There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Grunge Barbie ...with flannel shirt and a goatee
5,623	Luigi: You got your own land, world & galaxy. Can I have Mario Mansion? Mario: ok fine [under breath] gonna put a bunch of ghosts in it tho
5,624	I was going down on my grandmother the other day... When I tasted horse semen, and I thought "huh, that must be how she died."
5,625	All i'm saying is, before Back to the Future 3, he was fine.
5,626	a horse walks into a bar A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face"? The horse says, "I have cancer".
5,627	A man goes to a $3 hooker He contracted crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $3, a lobster?"
5,628	What's worse than a lobster on your piano? Crabs on your organ!
5,629	chocolate just tastes better when you pretend a fat German kid drowned in it
5,630	no matter what the government says no one can stop you from eating the bugs you find in your garden
5,631	What's worse than a lobster on your piano? Crabs on your organ.
5,632	What do you call... What do you call four mexicans standing in quicksand? Cuatros Cincos
5,633	Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.
5,634	Yeah, I knew Shakespeare in college. Typical neck bard.
5,635	I don't always date people with... I don't always date people with chromosomes... But when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.
5,636	I told a friend of mine that me and other friends were talking about him behind his back. He told me, "You disgust me." And I said, "Yes. Yes we did."
5,637	What does a tight-rope walker eat for breakfast? A Balanced Diet!
5,638	What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person.
5,639	Me trying to impress a girl Girl: I'm Into horror movies Me: My dad's a serial killer
5,640	No matter if you are American or European 9/11 is a sad date
5,641	I went for my prostate examination this morning.After inserting a finger into my arse and having a good feel around, the doctor looked at me and said, "that should be my finger, not yours"
5,642	Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: panics do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain
5,643	My doctor just told me I'm suffering from paranoia. Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what he was thinking.
5,644	Making Asian food is easy... It's a WOK in the park
5,645	Wearing 'EarPods' is my favorite way of making the rest of the world believe my verbal outbursts are part of a heated phone conversation.
5,646	Boss confused me with another employee and fired me. Then called two days later to fire me for not showing up for 2 days. #HowIGotFired
5,647	If short people smoke weed... If short people smoke weed, do they get high or medium.
5,648	Her: Do you kik? Me: Like rocks? Her: .......
5,649	Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe? More doors.
5,650	A dog owner tells his dog.. Owner: "Who's a good boy?" Doggo: "Did you just assume my gender?!"
5,651	What do you call a skank playing "H.O.R.S.E?" She missed two shots, so she's a ho. I'll leave now.
5,652	I doubt Vodka is the answer, but it's worth a shot
5,653	They demolished my local Domino's Pizza shop... yesterday, and then all the other shops on the street fell down.
5,654	Every time I cook risotto I feel like Gordon Ramsey is going to walk in and scream at me.
5,655	Family size or very determined single person size?
5,656	What do you call a Chameleon that cant change colors? A reptile dysfunction...
5,657	I think it's about time Taylor Swift wrote a song and called it "Maybe I am The Problem".
5,658	me as a realtor: This house does include a crawl space. It's probably full of bones already, but you can always add more bones yourself.
5,659	Chemistry, ok. But soulmates? You'd think if our spirits were perfectly matched, they'd be comfortable at the same thermostat setting.
5,660	My friend is always looking for trouble... Which is good because he's a cop.
5,661	Pokemon GO is trying to fix its servers... It's not very effective.
5,662	Where did the general put his armies? In his sleevies.
5,663	Why can't you tell Walter White a knock knock joke? Because he is the one who knocks.
5,664	Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps? All his comebacks take three days..
5,665	A blind man walks into a bar, and a chair, a table, and a human.
5,666	A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who crunch their disposable water bottles as they drink.
5,667	Whats the difference between Usain bolt and Hitler? Usain bolt can finish a race. Edit: Grammar
5,668	Closes refrigerator door and hears contents inside fall Well... sounds like a problem for the next person.
5,669	Did you hear about the broken watch from the 1800's? It was a timeless classic.
5,670	On his first day, my gay friend lost his job at the sperm bank. He was caught drinking on the job.
5,671	You say "tomato," I say "tomato," and there, we've written our own wedding vows
5,672	There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator Only a fraction of people will get this.
5,673	Big bad wolf says to LittleRedRidingHood: Ho-ho-ho - I'm going to eat you all up! LittleRedRidingHood says: "Eat, eat, eat. Doesn't anyone wanna fuck anymore?"
5,674	ducks love bread but aparently bread is bad for ducks, so dont feed ducks bread, but love ducks even more bc theyre self-destructive like us
5,675	BAlls and Pen*s are best friends Balls to penis: why the fcuk you leave me when u see a hole or 2 mountains? Penis: coz thats the only time i really need you
5,676	I started observing extremists Wanted to find out what made them tick... tock... boom
5,677	Q: What's big, red, and eats rocks? A: A big red rock eater.
5,678	How is a Bill Cosby better than Ronda Rousey? He's never met a woman he hasn't knocked out.
5,679	"No. No birthdays, Christmas or modern medicine.. But you sure do make great friends going door-to-door" *Door slams - Jehova's Witnesses
5,680	I don't mean to be a party pooper but... where's your bathroom?
5,681	I used to feel tired and sluggish. nothing could get me out of the house. then i tried MethTM and boy did i burn my house down
5,682	[Different version] How to be insulting Never mind, you wouldn't get it
5,683	- Are you sure? -defenet... difini... difine... YES IM SURE!
5,684	[Interview] "Tell me your weaknesses" Me: Well, I.. wife busts in He's a mouth breather, leaves the toilet seat up, forgets to take out th
5,685	What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? I take my shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
5,686	What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween? Happy halloweenie
5,687	A man is in a car wreck and is rushed to the ER. When he wakes up he tells the doctor: "I can't feel my legs!!!" The doctor replies: "I know, I cut your arms off."
5,688	If you walk up to me with a plate of food and say "Matt?" My name will always be Matt.
5,689	Didn't u hate it when as a kid u got the "mystery flavor" lollipop & the mystery ended up being that your parents got divorced (Or lemon)?
5,690	Irony is lost on kleptomaniacs because they take everything literally.
5,691	Someone once told me that nothing rhymes with orange ... I said, "no it doesn't...."
5,692	I hadn't seen it in a while, but at a concert last night I saw someone using a disposable camera... It gave me a flashback
5,693	How come Greek salad doesn't have any lettuce? Austerity.
5,694	Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
5,695	There's a new terrorist group targeting gorillas It's called Boko Harambe
5,696	Justin Bieber was "Baptized" last night.... Or as the church likes to call it... "A failed attempt to drown Bieber"
5,697	Thinking of getting another bed just for all my laundry
5,698	I wear glasses during math, Because it improves division.
5,699	I saw a train today... It seemed really angry.
5,700	Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile

5,601

What is the difference between Donald Trump's hair and a Headcrab? Nothing.

5,602

When you're alone in your room, start doing karate so ghosts know what's up.

5,603

U once broke ur toe? I once broke my foot. U had a baby? I had 2 babies. U have a bad back? I have a bad front. I can do this all day, btw.

5,604

i know i'm getting old because i'm grumpy, i sleep early, and the devil appears with an empty hourglass whenever i shut my medicine cabinet

5,605

What do you say if your mom sees you having sex? You say: Look mom, no hands!

5,606

What do you do if attacked by a clan of clowns? Go for the juggler

5,607

I was gonna tell you guys a gay joke... ...butt fuck it

5,608

Why can't Iron Man stay in a steady relationship? He has rust issues.

5,609

What do you have left after you burn a French alphabet? H Edit: I don't like explaining jokes but since the first guy didn't get I might as well: When pronounced in a French accent it sounds like ash.

5,610

Her: What veggies are the kids having with dinner? Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...

5,611

How many American cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb? Two. One to arrest the room for being black, and the other to arrest the bulb for being broke.

5,612

Totally Original Roses are Red Violets are Blue Some Poems Rhyme This one doesn't

5,613

A Nerd joke.. A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

5,614

sapnu puaS Read it upside down

5,615

In a perfect world a "Party Pooper" would be someone who could shoot confetti out of their butt.

5,616

Knock, Knock... Who's there? Peas. Peas who? *Peas pass the butter*

5,617

There was an old lady at a ATM today, she asked me if I could help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

5,618

What kind of juice does hitler drink? Concentrated juice.

5,619

Never feel worthless! Your organs are worth thousands.

5,620

Please Choose a Sears Portrait Background: 1. Autumn Leaves 2. Toenail Fungal Infection 3. Country Cabin 4. Alarmed Possum

5,621

The photo technician got caught masterbating to people's photos They charged him with "indecent exposure"

5,622

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Grunge Barbie ...with flannel shirt and a goatee

5,623

Luigi: You got your own land, world & galaxy. Can I have Mario Mansion? Mario: ok fine [under breath] gonna put a bunch of ghosts in it tho

5,624

I was going down on my grandmother the other day... When I tasted horse semen, and I thought "huh, that must be how she died."

5,625

All i'm saying is, before Back to the Future 3, he was fine.

5,626

a horse walks into a bar A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face"? The horse says, "I have cancer".

5,627

A man goes to a $3 hooker He contracted crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $3, a lobster?"

5,628

What's worse than a lobster on your piano? Crabs on your organ!

5,629

chocolate just tastes better when you pretend a fat German kid drowned in it

5,630

no matter what the government says no one can stop you from eating the bugs you find in your garden

5,631

What's worse than a lobster on your piano? Crabs on your organ.

5,632

What do you call... What do you call four mexicans standing in quicksand? Cuatros Cincos

5,633

Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.

5,634

Yeah, I knew Shakespeare in college. Typical neck bard.

5,635

I don't always date people with... I don't always date people with chromosomes... But when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.

5,636

I told a friend of mine that me and other friends were talking about him behind his back. He told me, "You disgust me." And I said, "Yes. Yes we did."

5,637

What does a tight-rope walker eat for breakfast? A Balanced Diet!

5,638

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person.

5,639

Me trying to impress a girl Girl: I'm Into horror movies Me: My dad's a serial killer

5,640

No matter if you are American or European 9/11 is a sad date

5,641

I went for my prostate examination this morning.After inserting a finger into my arse and having a good feel around, the doctor looked at me and said, "that should be my finger, not yours"

5,642

Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: *panics* do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain

5,643

My doctor just told me I'm suffering from paranoia. Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what he was thinking.

5,644

Making Asian food is easy... It's a WOK in the park

5,645

Wearing 'EarPods' is my favorite way of making the rest of the world believe my verbal outbursts are part of a heated phone conversation.

5,646

Boss confused me with another employee and fired me. Then called two days later to fire me for not showing up for 2 days. #HowIGotFired

5,647

If short people smoke weed... If short people smoke weed, do they get high or medium.

5,648

Her: Do you kik? Me: Like rocks? Her: .......

5,649

Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe? More doors.

5,650

A dog owner tells his dog.. Owner: "Who's a good boy?" Doggo: "Did you just assume my gender?!"

5,651

What do you call a skank playing "H.O.R.S.E?" She missed two shots, so she's a ho. I'll leave now.

5,652

I doubt Vodka is the answer, but it's worth a shot

5,653

They demolished my local Domino's Pizza shop... yesterday, and then all the other shops on the street fell down.

5,654

Every time I cook risotto I feel like Gordon Ramsey is going to walk in and scream at me.

5,655

Family size or very determined single person size?

5,656

What do you call a Chameleon that cant change colors? A reptile dysfunction...

5,657

I think it's about time Taylor Swift wrote a song and called it "Maybe I am The Problem".

5,658

me as a realtor: This house does include a crawl space. It's probably full of bones already, but you can always add more bones yourself.

5,659

Chemistry, ok. But soulmates? You'd think if our spirits were perfectly matched, they'd be comfortable at the same thermostat setting.

5,660

My friend is always looking for trouble... Which is good because he's a cop.

5,661

Pokemon GO is trying to fix its servers... It's not very effective.

5,662

Where did the general put his armies? In his sleevies.

5,663

Why can't you tell Walter White a knock knock joke? Because he is the one who knocks.

5,664

Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps? All his comebacks take three days..

5,665

A blind man walks into a bar, and a chair, a table, and a human.

5,666

A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who crunch their disposable water bottles as they drink.

5,667

Whats the difference between Usain bolt and Hitler? Usain bolt can finish a race. Edit: Grammar

5,668

*Closes refrigerator door and hears contents inside fall* Well... sounds like a problem for the next person.

5,669

Did you hear about the broken watch from the 1800's? It was a timeless classic.

5,670

On his first day, my gay friend lost his job at the sperm bank. He was caught drinking on the job.

5,671

You say "tomato," I say "tomato," and there, we've written our own wedding vows

5,672

There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator Only a fraction of people will get this.

5,673

Big bad wolf says to LittleRedRidingHood: Ho-ho-ho - I'm going to eat you all up! LittleRedRidingHood says: "Eat, eat, eat. Doesn't anyone wanna fuck anymore?"

5,674

ducks love bread but aparently bread is bad for ducks, so dont feed ducks bread, but love ducks even more bc theyre self-destructive like us

5,675

BAlls and Pen*s are best friends Balls to penis: why the fcuk you leave me when u see a hole or 2 mountains? Penis: coz thats the only time i really need you

5,676

I started observing extremists Wanted to find out what made them tick... tock... boom

5,677

Q: What's big, red, and eats rocks? A: A big red rock eater.

5,678

How is a Bill Cosby better than Ronda Rousey? He's never met a woman he hasn't knocked out.

5,679

"No. No birthdays, Christmas or modern medicine.. But you sure do make great friends going door-to-door" *Door slams - Jehova's Witnesses

5,680

I don't mean to be a party pooper but... where's your bathroom?

5,681

I used to feel tired and sluggish. nothing could get me out of the house. then i tried MethTM and boy did i burn my house down

5,682

[Different version] How to be insulting Never mind, you wouldn't get it

5,683

- Are you sure? -defenet... difini... difine... YES IM SURE!

5,684

[Interview] "Tell me your weaknesses" Me: Well, I.. *wife busts in* He's a mouth breather, leaves the toilet seat up, forgets to take out th

5,685

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? I take my shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

5,686

What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween? Happy halloweenie

5,687

A man is in a car wreck and is rushed to the ER. When he wakes up he tells the doctor: "I can't feel my legs!!!" The doctor replies: "I know, I cut your arms off."

5,688

If you walk up to me with a plate of food and say "Matt?" My name will always be Matt.

5,689

Didn't u hate it when as a kid u got the "mystery flavor" lollipop & the mystery ended up being that your parents got divorced (Or lemon)?

5,690

Irony is lost on kleptomaniacs because they take everything literally.

5,691

Someone once told me that nothing rhymes with orange ... I said, "no it doesn't...."

5,692

I hadn't seen it in a while, but at a concert last night I saw someone using a disposable camera... It gave me a flashback

5,693

How come Greek salad doesn't have any lettuce? Austerity.

5,694

Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.

5,695

There's a new terrorist group targeting gorillas It's called Boko Harambe

5,696

Justin Bieber was "Baptized" last night.... Or as the church likes to call it... "A failed attempt to drown Bieber"

5,697

Thinking of getting another bed just for all my laundry

5,698

I wear glasses during math, Because it improves division.

5,699

I saw a train today... It seemed really angry.

5,700

Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile