ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
4,101	What happened to Wendy from Wendy's? "The Baconator"
4,102	Breaking News: PIRATES STOPPED STEALING OIL TANKERS They switched to stealing tankers filled with printer ink...
4,103	I was out with my bf and a waiter called me a 'cradle robber' cuz he's 18 and I'm 43. Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.
4,104	Cat: Human, congratulations, I've chosen your face to sleep upon tonight. If at some point you cannot breathe, do not wake me.
4,105	Every year you swallow ten beetles in your sleep! That's what my gastroentomologist told me.
4,106	How do you turn regular water into holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
4,107	I ate so much at Thanksgiving, I had to loosen my Fitbit. (Credit to my future mother-in-law for this suprise zinger)
4,108	What is atheism? A non-prophet organisation.
4,109	My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me! I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us.
4,110	I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
4,111	Mmmmm.... delicious!
4,112	Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon
4,113	What have Brussel sprouts and pubic hair got in common? You brush them both to the side and carry on eating.
4,114	And breaking news, a man has been rushed to hospital after having 6 plastic horses shoved up his ass. He is in a stable condition.
4,115	Is it proper to eat a hamburger with your fingers? No you should eat your fingers separately!
4,116	It's a good thing the pilgrims and indians feasted on turkey instead of cats at the original Thanksgiving... ...otherwise we would only get to eat pussy once a year.
4,117	Molestation Such a touchy subject
4,118	People find one band-aid and suddenly no one wants anymore of my homemade salsa.
4,119	Man goes to a burger stand and asks for an Oasis burger The vendor asks what an Oasis burger is. You get a roll with it.
4,120	Plot Twist: Africa adopts Angelina Jolie
4,121	If trump gets elected can we make a show similar to the apprentice but when Trump says "your fired" he sends a nuclear missile at a country.
4,122	Former District attorney lost job after scandal, now a male sex worker. Most of his jobs are pro-boner
4,123	Why do Redditors pay with exact change? They can't stand a Nickleback!
4,124	I'm sick of everyone one reddit corecting my spelling.
4,125	Today seems like a good day to wash my hair and take 10 selfies wearing 10 different shirts so I can pretend I look human on a regular basis
4,126	Shout out to political bumper stickers, changing nobody's mind and lowering the value of your car and whatnot.
4,127	Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four they'd be called chicken sedans!
4,128	Why did the engineer drive the backwards? He had a loco motive.
4,129	A rapist made a pornhub account... His porn/stage name was Ben Dover
4,130	What do you call chips that aren't yours? Nacho chips
4,131	I was 3 yrs old when my mom was diagnosed with my brother.
4,132	What do you call a Crazy female deer? A doenut
4,133	What did the black Jew say to the non-believers? We Israel..
4,134	I dig my own Grave. Adds Inter-ior designer to Resume.
4,135	What do Australian chess players say when they're finished eating at a restaurant? Check mate.
4,136	Why was the clownfish sad? Because its friends were anemones.
4,137	How do you keep brown bears off your property? Build a wall
4,138	I love telling jokes... But I always punch up the fuck line.
4,139	Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
4,140	What's the biggest difference between men and women? The phrase "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film." is a good place to start.
4,141	I only entered the witness protection program for the free plastic surgery.
4,142	What's the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket? Well, the pickpocket snatches watches,
4,143	6yo Son: Dad, why'd you spray cologne down there when you got outta the shower? Me: How's ice cream for dinner sound?
4,144	A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double-entendre... So he gives it to her.
4,145	LOUD PART, quiet part, LOUD PART, quiet part. There, I wrote a symphony. What's the big deal?
4,146	How do you fit an elephant in a teacup? You take the f out of way. ~~say it out loud if you don't get it~~
4,147	How do you know the economy is only getting worse? On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
4,148	Old MacDonald had a very bad Scrabble hand... E-I-E-I-O.
4,149	Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination? A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I told them nothing."
4,150	My front door was locked so I tried to force it open. Then my wife said "You're not a Jedi Paul, just use the goddamn key."
4,151	"How would you describe the woman who attacked you?" Describes mother Gets a copy of picture Gives it to mum as late birthday present
4,152	Friends are like snow flakes. If you pee on them they go away.
4,153	There's probably a whole circle in hell that's just full of guys beatboxing.
4,154	Why did the chick disappoint his mother? Because he wasn't all he was cracked up to be.
4,155	Why is it so hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They're always taking things...literally.
4,156	If water is h20, what is ice H2O^3
4,157	Imagine if your roommate made you watch a movie and left 10 mins into it. Dick move, right? My point is old people shouldn't get to vote
4,158	Apparently "naked" is not the answer when someone mad at you asked, how do you sleep at night?
4,159	What was Ol' Dirty Bastard's favorite vegetable? Nigga, peas!
4,160	What a coincidence. My state of the unit address focuses on jobs as well.
4,161	I saw a man with a several rabbits on his head today... When I inquired as to why he had rabbits on his head, he simply stated "From a distance they look like hares"
4,162	A Lawyer walks into a bar Well, technically, he wasn't a lawyer yet...
4,163	DJ Daemon maintains the beats in the background.
4,164	The police came to my door to tell me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. The fuck they are, I said. My dogs don't even have bikes.
4,165	your Lonely Score is the maximum number of forks a takeout place has given you for your single person food order. my score is 4
4,166	No I don't think you're stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
4,167	What did the Zero say to the Eight? Nice belt.
4,168	Me - "Hey kiddo, you have your shoes on the wrong feet" My 6 year old - "I ain't got no other feet"
4,169	Dear Algebra, Don't make us find your X. She is never going to come back, And don't ask Y.
4,170	Q: Why did the condom fly across the room? A: It was pissed off.
4,171	What sport do you play with a wombat? Wom
4,172	What did the OCD man get thrown in jail for? Organized crime.
4,173	20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs. God please don't kill Kevin Bacon.
4,174	CW: It's 11:11 make a wish. Me: I wish I could throw a clock at your face.
4,175	23rd Century Scientist: We're sending you to 1889 to kill baby Hitler. Four words: Stick. To. The. Mission. Henry Ford: Yes, sir.
4,176	"Blinding Nemo" #BPMovies
4,177	If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster's feet, what would I have? Two feet of my cock in your ass.
4,178	What do you call a armless, legless man in water? Bob.
4,179	What does an alcoholic ghost drink? BOO'S.
4,180	Turning to an episode of Seinfeld and discovering it's one you've never seen is like finding a twenty dollar bill in your pocket.
4,181	Who's Bill Cosby's favourite Disney princess? Sleeping Beauty
4,182	What do you get when you mix a red tie and a shit hair cut? Mexico and Canada scratching their heads thinking, how the FUCK!?
4,183	I'm going out with a girl I met online who's a vegetarian... I've never met herbivore :)
4,184	What seperates black people and white people? The bars. Shoutout to my bud Treyvon for this joke from almost 7 years ago.
4,185	I bet the frankincense guy was all like, "Let's put the three items in one gift basket and the basket can be from all of us."
4,186	A friendly reminder to Republicans... ...to set your clocks 60 years ahead and join the rest of us in the 21st century.
4,187	You know what they say about cliffhangers ...
4,188	I couldn't find the thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it Apparently, she left me a few days ago
4,189	What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free
4,190	So I heard the royal baby was 8 pounds. That's awfully cheap for a human baby.
4,191	*pokes sex life with a stick
4,192	Oh, I almost forgot; my mom told me to tell you guys hi.
4,193	I believe in "you're stupid" at first sight.
4,194	What's the difference between England and Oscar Pistorius? England gets off scott-free.
4,195	"Rock. Paper. Scissors." - terrible surgeon
4,196	What is a bed's least favourite time of year? Spring break.
4,197	heres a knock knock joke for you knocks nock nock. whos there dickey doo dickey doo who ya stomach sticks out further than ya dickey doo
4,198	Did you hear the one about the 2 gay ghosts? They kept giving each other the willies!
4,199	Why should you bury indians 10 feet deep? Because deep down they're good people
4,200	PRO TIP: Despite the name, never hand Krazy Glue to a crazy person...especially if you're both naked & only have the hotel room for an hour.

4,101

What happened to Wendy from Wendy's? "The Baconator"

4,102

Breaking News: PIRATES STOPPED STEALING OIL TANKERS They switched to stealing tankers filled with printer ink...

4,103

I was out with my bf and a waiter called me a 'cradle robber' cuz he's 18 and I'm 43. Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.

4,104

Cat: Human, congratulations, I've chosen your face to sleep upon tonight. If at some point you cannot breathe, do not wake me.

4,105

Every year you swallow ten beetles in your sleep! That's what my gastroentomologist told me.

4,106

How do you turn regular water into holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

4,107

I ate so much at Thanksgiving, I had to loosen my Fitbit. (Credit to my future mother-in-law for this suprise zinger)

4,108

What is atheism? A non-prophet organisation.

4,109

My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me! I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us.

4,110

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.

4,111

Mmmmm.... delicious!

4,112

Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon

4,113

What have Brussel sprouts and pubic hair got in common? You brush them both to the side and carry on eating.

4,114

And breaking news, a man has been rushed to hospital after having 6 plastic horses shoved up his ass. He is in a stable condition.

4,115

Is it proper to eat a hamburger with your fingers? No you should eat your fingers separately!

4,116

It's a good thing the pilgrims and indians feasted on turkey instead of cats at the original Thanksgiving... ...otherwise we would only get to eat pussy once a year.

4,117

Molestation Such a touchy subject

4,118

People find one band-aid and suddenly no one wants anymore of my homemade salsa.

4,119

Man goes to a burger stand and asks for an Oasis burger The vendor asks what an Oasis burger is. You get a roll with it.

4,120

Plot Twist: Africa adopts Angelina Jolie

4,121

If trump gets elected can we make a show similar to the apprentice but when Trump says "your fired" he sends a nuclear missile at a country.

4,122

Former District attorney lost job after scandal, now a male sex worker. Most of his jobs are pro-boner

4,123

Why do Redditors pay with exact change? They can't stand a Nickleback!

4,124

I'm sick of everyone one reddit corecting my spelling.

4,125

Today seems like a good day to wash my hair and take 10 selfies wearing 10 different shirts so I can pretend I look human on a regular basis

4,126

Shout out to political bumper stickers, changing nobody's mind and lowering the value of your car and whatnot.

4,127

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four they'd be called chicken sedans!

4,128

Why did the engineer drive the backwards? He had a loco motive.

4,129

A rapist made a pornhub account... His porn/stage name was Ben Dover

4,130

What do you call chips that aren't yours? Nacho chips

4,131

I was 3 yrs old when my mom was diagnosed with my brother.

4,132

What do you call a Crazy female deer? A doenut

4,133

What did the black Jew say to the non-believers? We Israel..

4,134

I dig my own Grave. Adds Inter-ior designer to Resume.

4,135

What do Australian chess players say when they're finished eating at a restaurant? Check mate.

4,136

Why was the clownfish sad? Because its friends were anemones.

4,137

How do you keep brown bears off your property? Build a wall

4,138

I love telling jokes... But I always punch up the fuck line.

4,139

Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra

4,140

What's the biggest difference between men and women? The phrase "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film." is a good place to start.

4,141

I only entered the witness protection program for the free plastic surgery.

4,142

What's the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket? Well, the pickpocket snatches watches,

4,143

6yo Son: Dad, why'd you spray cologne down there when you got outta the shower? Me: How's ice cream for dinner sound?

4,144

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double-entendre... So he gives it to her.

4,145

LOUD PART, quiet part, LOUD PART, quiet part. There, I wrote a symphony. What's the big deal?

4,146

How do you fit an elephant in a teacup? You take the f out of way. ~~say it out loud if you don't get it~~

4,147

How do you know the economy is only getting worse? On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!

4,148

Old MacDonald had a very bad Scrabble hand... E-I-E-I-O.

4,149

Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination? A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I told them nothing."

4,150

My front door was locked so I tried to force it open. Then my wife said "You're not a Jedi Paul, just use the goddamn key."

4,151

"How would you describe the woman who attacked you?" *Describes mother* *Gets a copy of picture* *Gives it to mum as late birthday present*

4,152

Friends are like snow flakes. If you pee on them they go away.

4,153

There's probably a whole circle in hell that's just full of guys beatboxing.

4,154

Why did the chick disappoint his mother? Because he wasn't all he was *cracked up* to be.

4,155

Why is it so hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They're always taking things...literally.

4,156

If water is h20, what is ice H2O^3

4,157

Imagine if your roommate made you watch a movie and left 10 mins into it. Dick move, right? My point is old people shouldn't get to vote

4,158

Apparently "naked" is not the answer when someone mad at you asked, how do you sleep at night?

4,159

What was Ol' Dirty Bastard's favorite vegetable? Nigga, peas!

4,160

What a coincidence. My state of the unit address focuses on jobs as well.

4,161

I saw a man with a several rabbits on his head today... When I inquired as to why he had rabbits on his head, he simply stated "From a distance they look like hares"

4,162

A Lawyer walks into a bar Well, technically, he wasn't a lawyer yet...

4,163

DJ Daemon maintains the beats in the background.

4,164

The police came to my door to tell me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. The fuck they are, I said. My dogs don't even have bikes.

4,165

your Lonely Score is the maximum number of forks a takeout place has given you for your single person food order. my score is 4

4,166

No I don't think you're stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking

4,167

What did the Zero say to the Eight? Nice belt.

4,168

Me - "Hey kiddo, you have your shoes on the wrong feet" My 6 year old - "I ain't got no other feet"

4,169

Dear Algebra, Don't make us find your X. She is never going to come back, And don't ask Y.

4,170

Q: Why did the condom fly across the room? A: It was pissed off.

4,171

What sport do you play with a wombat? Wom

4,172

What did the OCD man get thrown in jail for? Organized crime.

4,173

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs. God please don't kill Kevin Bacon.

4,174

CW: It's 11:11 make a wish. Me: I wish I could throw a clock at your face.

4,175

23rd Century Scientist: We're sending you to 1889 to kill baby Hitler. Four words: Stick. To. The. Mission. Henry Ford: Yes, sir.

4,176

"Blinding Nemo" #BPMovies

4,177

If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster's feet, what would I have? Two feet of my cock in your ass.

4,178

What do you call a armless, legless man in water? Bob.

4,179

What does an alcoholic ghost drink? BOO'S.

4,180

Turning to an episode of Seinfeld and discovering it's one you've never seen is like finding a twenty dollar bill in your pocket.

4,181

Who's Bill Cosby's favourite Disney princess? Sleeping Beauty

4,182

What do you get when you mix a red tie and a shit hair cut? Mexico and Canada scratching their heads thinking, how the FUCK!?

4,183

I'm going out with a girl I met online who's a vegetarian... I've never met *herbivore* :)

4,184

What seperates black people and white people? The bars. Shoutout to my bud Treyvon for this joke from almost 7 years ago.

4,185

I bet the frankincense guy was all like, "Let's put the three items in one gift basket and the basket can be from all of us."

4,186

A friendly reminder to Republicans... ...to set your clocks 60 years ahead and join the rest of us in the 21st century.

4,187

You know what they say about cliffhangers ...

4,188

I couldn't find the thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it Apparently, she left me a few days ago

4,189

What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free

4,190

So I heard the royal baby was 8 pounds. That's awfully cheap for a human baby.

4,191

*pokes sex life with a stick

4,192

Oh, I almost forgot; my mom told me to tell you guys hi.

4,193

I believe in "you're stupid" at first sight.

4,194

What's the difference between England and Oscar Pistorius? England gets off scott-free.

4,195

"Rock. Paper. Scissors." - terrible surgeon

4,196

What is a bed's least favourite time of year? Spring break.

4,197

heres a knock knock joke for you knocks nock nock. whos there dickey doo dickey doo who ya stomach sticks out further than ya dickey doo

4,198

Did you hear the one about the 2 gay ghosts? They kept giving each other the willies!

4,199

Why should you bury indians 10 feet deep? Because deep down they're good people

4,200

PRO TIP: Despite the name, never hand Krazy Glue to a crazy person...especially if you're both naked & only have the hotel room for an hour.