ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
2,901	Did you know that all of the trigonometric functions are female? Yup, They all have periods!
2,902	What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? A gun only has one trigger.
2,903	Tonight is bad for me. Could everyone arrange to Wang Chung maybe some time early tomorrow afternoon?
2,904	While escaping from the police, what did one bug say to the other? You butterfly!
2,905	What is Carroll Shelby's favorite food? A torque-y sandwich.
2,906	I like my Wifi like I like my sex... Unprotected.
2,907	Steve was walking down the street, when he came across a police officer and was promptly arrested for indecent exposure
2,908	My prison cell-mate just asked me if I was tight. Why does he care about how I spend my money?
2,909	What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors? A reptile dysfunction
2,910	What Does A Tickle Me Elmo Get Before It Leaves The Factory? Two Test-Tickles
2,911	Man with 5 penises A man has 5 penises and when one of his friends found out, they asked him "How do your pants fit?" The man responded, "Like a glove".
2,912	There's a Bush and a Clinton running for president next year.
2,913	What's the difference between my dick and my jokes? My girlfriend never laughs at my jokes
2,914	SWAG is for BOYS and CLASS is for MEN.
2,915	Inside jokes are bitterly resented by the homeless.
2,916	I'm just saying, a cartoon character facebook pic isnt going to stop a child abuser! If you see one, call the cops, bam, done.
2,917	Why do adrenaline junkies enjoy camping? Because it is in tents
2,918	How do you know you've been making too many jokes? When the wordplay becomes wordwork.
2,919	I wish the Antiques Roadshow guy had just told me how much my swords were worth without getting all nosy about where the blood came from.
2,920	Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone. Are you choking? No I really did!
2,921	So I heard Donald Trump is running for president again. You guys know that if he wins, we'll all be f****d, right? That's right. Fired. ;)
2,922	Usually chocolate makes me hyper but my dog ate a pack of Snickers and he's been asleep for hours. Haha wake up so we can play, little guy.
2,923	Lifeguards wouldn't let Obama in the pool because he had weeping legions
2,924	The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
2,925	My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
2,926	What's Gordon Ramsay's least favorite movie? IT'S FROOOOOOOZZZZEEEN
2,927	A man asks a woman: "-Did you know that laughter is second best way to convince a girl to have sex with you ? " "-Really, what is the first ?" "-A knife." "-Hahaha, you're so funny !" "-Good choice."
2,928	I met a hot chick That girl was on fire.
2,929	What's a police officers favorite console? Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U. Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy. :D
2,930	What do you call a bird that has been molested? Rustled Crow
2,931	Have you ever eaten African food... Neither have they
2,932	Steven Hawking walks into a bar... Just kidding.
2,933	How do you get into a Native American restaurant? [OC] You make a reservation
2,934	What did one crab say to the other? "Damn this bitch is nasty!"
2,935	"Sorry I didn't reply to your email Terry, a wolf ripped my hands off... Oh these? Um, I got new hands? Gotta go!"
2,936	What is Peyton Manning's favorite Counting Crows song? Omaha
2,937	What doesn't kill you might come back to finish the job off so keep your wits about you.
2,938	An immigration officer asks a drunk man if he's Hungarian he says "yep, but my name's not Arian"
2,939	How are wearing Crocs like having butt sex with a guy? It feels really good until you look down and realize you're gay.
2,940	What date is it today? 2nd April. Ha!! April fool!
2,941	Why was the killer whale fired from his restaurant job? Because he didn't serve a porpoise...
2,942	there are naturally attractive people and then there are people like me who take pictures from good angles with the right lighting
2,943	You really are the cat's pajamas, and by that I mean you're a stupid idea.
2,944	What does it say on Jerry Meyer-Cooper's tomb stone? And who the fuck is that?
2,945	There was a depressed sausage... he thought his life was THE WURST.
2,946	Kristen Stewart was raised by a pair of vacuum cleaners
2,947	What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support soon people are going to think we're nuts.
2,948	Q:Of the set; 689 and 986, which is larger? A) 689 B)986 C) Who cares, as long as they are having a good time!
2,949	Two cows are in a pasture. The first cow says, "Moo." The second cow says, "Damn, man... I was just about to say that!"
2,950	My wife is getting rid of all the clutter. If you see the kids and me standing out by the street, it means we didn't make the cut this year.
2,951	The new strip club's sign said 'open to the public'. Until my friends stole the L.
2,952	Don't be ashamed of who you are That's your parents' job
2,953	So I'm in a hotel and call the front desk saying, "Hey! I gotta leak in the sink!" The clerk says, "Go ahead, the customer's always right..." (Henny Youngman)
2,954	I throw u a kiss u duck it flies into space [6 bn yrs later - the planet Xargx] LORD ZARG: Kill the- kiss hits his cheek LZ: Aww nvm
2,955	Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City? To see who shot his "paw."
2,956	Walk in closets Walk-In Closet Why do chinesse make such terrible Estate agents? Because non of the customers are ever comfortable with the idea of buying a house with a Hawk in the closet.
2,957	I don't think it's called USA anymore, but DSA... The Divided States of America.
2,958	Pigeons always look like they're jamming out to an invisible iPod.
2,959	What happens when you fingerbang a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red.
2,960	Sometimes I get jealous of the lingo black people use that I can't use. Then I remember as a white person I have things I can say that they can't like. "Hey dad." Or "Thanks for the warning officer"
2,961	It's that time of year again when I should really check in on my friends with pools or boats to see how they've been since last summer.
2,962	A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. Unfortunately, the beer doesn't understand English commands. But the bartender can speak easy.
2,963	I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help. I told her I don't have the money to hire a hitman.
2,964	I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the worst time to have a heart attack would be during a game of charades.
2,965	What's a homophobe's favorite drink? fruit punch
2,966	Freddie Gray's death was a real Homie-cide
2,967	What kind of house does Fonzie live in? An "A" frame...
2,968	I went through a Skrillex phase I had to stop though. It got expensive dropping everything all the time!
2,969	Did you hear about the car with wooden wheels, a wooden engine, and wooden doors? It wooden start
2,970	I'd be able to find affordable glasses... In an eye deal world.
2,971	What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
2,972	What do you call a nice Canadian meal on a colorful roof? Poutina.
2,973	What do you get when you cross a female tyrannosaur with a male tyrannosaur? Tyrannosaurus Sex! I apologize deeply, I'm so...so sorry
2,974	Is my iPhone named Freedom? Yes Do I never pick up phone calls on it? Also yes, because as an American, I let freedom ring
2,975	I broke up with my girlfriend because I like my women like I like my coffee Without other people's dicks in it.
2,976	Think smoking's "COOL"? What if I do it in a leather jacket? "COOL" now? On a Harley? Still "COOL"? While I kiss this model? Is that "COOL"?
2,977	My friend tried playing Pokemon Go in Vegas, but sadly lost his phone. All he caught was herpes.
2,978	the true test of a child is not how he treats his friends, but how he treats Minecraft villagers
2,979	I just heard a woman in a supermarket say this to her 7 year old daughter... "Don't spit! Ladies never spit!" Fcuking. Priceless.
2,980	HER: your phone is exacerbating our problems i pick up my phone HER: your behavior is untenable "hold on I'm still googling exacerbate"
2,981	What goes; green-red-green-red-green-red-green-red? A frog in my blender
2,982	Why are hula dancers so pretentious? Because their hips stir.
2,983	It'll be a cold day in hell. Cloudy in purgatory, with a slight chance of rain. And clear skies up in heaven. Now over to Jim with sports.
2,984	"Charlie, I want a divorce." [in a black robe sacrificing a chicken on a satanic blood alter] Why?
2,985	What do feminists and zookeepers have in common? Nothing. Feminists have nothing in common with anyone.
2,986	Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman A good example: "I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!"
2,987	A comedian walks into a bar full of r/historians.. [deleted]
2,988	There is absolutely nothing wrong with yelling "I HAVE THE POWEEER!" like He-Man after cooking an omelette that doesnt stick to the pan.
2,989	What is E.T. short for? He's only got little legs.
2,990	Italian Guy with a problem What do you call an Italian guy with one arm shorter than the other? A Speech Impediment :)
2,991	I told my girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows too high She looked surprised.
2,992	boss trying to relate to younger employees "Excited for the weekend? I know I'll be looks down at Wikipedia print-out Yoloing for sure!"
2,993	A foot fetishist had a bad experience in bed He got off on the wrong foot
2,994	When someone favorites instead of retweeting me I comfort myself by thinking "they're just keeping me to themselves"
2,995	Where did the fortune-teller go on her vacation? To Palm Beach.
2,996	A termite walks into a bar... ... and says, "Hey, is the bar tender here?"
2,997	I saw a black guy riding a bike... At first I thought it was mine, then I realized mine is at home, washing the dishes.
2,998	Lawyers have feelings too.. ...allegedly.
2,999	If you message me with thanks, please include what you're thanking me for. I've been counting my money and sniffing my fingers all morning.
3,000	It's a shock to me that people actually pay their student loans. That's a bill I gave to Jesus

2,901

Did you know that all of the trigonometric functions are female? Yup, They all have periods!

2,902

What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? A gun only has one trigger.

2,903

Tonight is bad for me. Could everyone arrange to Wang Chung maybe some time early tomorrow afternoon?

2,904

While escaping from the police, what did one bug say to the other? You butterfly!

2,905

What is Carroll Shelby's favorite food? A torque-y sandwich.

2,906

I like my Wifi like I like my sex... Unprotected.

2,907

Steve was walking down the street, when he came across a police officer and was promptly arrested for indecent exposure

2,908

My prison cell-mate just asked me if I was tight. Why does he care about how I spend my money?

2,909

What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors? A reptile dysfunction

2,910

What Does A Tickle Me Elmo Get Before It Leaves The Factory? Two Test-Tickles

2,911

Man with 5 penises A man has 5 penises and when one of his friends found out, they asked him "How do your pants fit?" The man responded, "Like a glove".

2,912

There's a Bush and a Clinton running for president next year.

2,913

What's the difference between my dick and my jokes? My girlfriend never laughs at my jokes

2,914

SWAG is for BOYS and CLASS is for MEN.

2,915

Inside jokes are bitterly resented by the homeless.

2,916

I'm just saying, a cartoon character facebook pic isnt going to stop a child abuser! If you see one, call the cops, bam, done.

2,917

Why do adrenaline junkies enjoy camping? Because it is in tents

2,918

How do you know you've been making too many jokes? When the wordplay becomes wordwork.

2,919

I wish the Antiques Roadshow guy had just told me how much my swords were worth without getting all nosy about where the blood came from.

2,920

Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone. Are you choking? No I really did!

2,921

So I heard Donald Trump is running for president again. You guys know that if he wins, we'll all be f****d, right? That's right. Fired. ;)

2,922

Usually chocolate makes me hyper but my dog ate a pack of Snickers and he's been asleep for hours. Haha wake up so we can play, little guy.

2,923

Lifeguards wouldn't let Obama in the pool because he had weeping *legions*

2,924

The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

2,925

My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.

2,926

What's Gordon Ramsay's least favorite movie? IT'S FROOOOOOOZZZZEEEN

2,927

A man asks a woman: "-Did you know that laughter is second best way to convince a girl to have sex with you ? " "-Really, what is the first ?" "-A knife." "-Hahaha, you're so funny !" "-Good choice."

2,928

I met a hot chick That girl was on fire.

2,929

What's a police officers favorite console? Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U. Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy. :D

2,930

What do you call a bird that has been molested? Rustled Crow

2,931

Have you ever eaten African food... Neither have they

2,932

Steven Hawking walks into a bar... Just kidding.

2,933

How do you get into a Native American restaurant? [OC] You make a reservation

2,934

What did one crab say to the other? "Damn this bitch is nasty!"

2,935

"Sorry I didn't reply to your email Terry, a wolf ripped my hands off... Oh these? Um, I got new hands? Gotta go!"

2,936

What is Peyton Manning's favorite Counting Crows song? Omaha

2,937

What doesn't kill you might come back to finish the job off so keep your wits about you.

2,938

An immigration officer asks a drunk man if he's Hungarian he says "yep, but my name's not Arian"

2,939

How are wearing Crocs like having butt sex with a guy? It feels really good until you look down and realize you're gay.

2,940

What date is it today? 2nd April. Ha!! April fool!

2,941

Why was the killer whale fired from his restaurant job? Because he didn't serve a porpoise...

2,942

there are naturally attractive people and then there are people like me who take pictures from good angles with the right lighting

2,943

You really are the cat's pajamas, and by that I mean you're a stupid idea.

2,944

What does it say on Jerry Meyer-Cooper's tomb stone? And who the fuck is that?

2,945

There was a depressed sausage... he thought his life was THE WURST.

2,946

Kristen Stewart was raised by a pair of vacuum cleaners

2,947

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support soon people are going to think we're nuts.

2,948

Q:Of the set; 689 and 986, which is larger? A) 689 B)986 C) Who cares, as long as they are having a good time!

2,949

Two cows are in a pasture. The first cow says, "Moo." The second cow says, "Damn, man... I was just about to say that!"

2,950

My wife is getting rid of all the clutter. If you see the kids and me standing out by the street, it means we didn't make the cut this year.

2,951

The new strip club's sign said 'open to the public'. Until my friends stole the L.

2,952

Don't be ashamed of who you are That's your parents' job

2,953

So I'm in a hotel and call the front desk saying, "Hey! I gotta leak in the sink!" The clerk says, "Go ahead, the customer's always right..." (Henny Youngman)

2,954

*I throw u a kiss* *u duck* *it flies into space* [6 bn yrs later - the planet Xargx] LORD ZARG: Kill the- *kiss hits his cheek* LZ: Aww nvm

2,955

Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City? To see who shot his "paw."

2,956

Walk in closets Walk-In Closet Why do chinesse make such terrible Estate agents? Because non of the customers are ever comfortable with the idea of buying a house with a Hawk in the closet.

2,957

I don't think it's called USA anymore, but DSA... The Divided States of America.

2,958

Pigeons always look like they're jamming out to an invisible iPod.

2,959

What happens when you fingerbang a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red.

2,960

Sometimes I get jealous of the lingo black people use that I can't use. Then I remember as a white person I have things I can say that they can't like. "Hey dad." Or "Thanks for the warning officer"

2,961

It's that time of year again when I should really check in on my friends with pools or boats to see how they've been since last summer.

2,962

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. Unfortunately, the beer doesn't understand English commands. But the bartender can speak easy.

2,963

I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help. I told her I don't have the money to hire a hitman.

2,964

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the worst time to have a heart attack would be during a game of charades.

2,965

What's a homophobe's favorite drink? fruit punch

2,966

Freddie Gray's death was a real Homie-cide

2,967

What kind of house does Fonzie live in? An "A" frame...

2,968

I went through a Skrillex phase I had to stop though. It got expensive dropping everything all the time!

2,969

Did you hear about the car with wooden wheels, a wooden engine, and wooden doors? It wooden start

2,970

I'd be able to find affordable glasses... In an eye deal world.

2,971

What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

2,972

What do you call a nice Canadian meal on a colorful roof? Poutina.

2,973

What do you get when you cross a female tyrannosaur with a male tyrannosaur? Tyrannosaurus Sex! *I apologize deeply, I'm so...so sorry*

2,974

Is my iPhone named Freedom? Yes Do I never pick up phone calls on it? Also yes, because as an American, I let freedom ring

2,975

I broke up with my girlfriend because I like my women like I like my coffee Without other people's dicks in it.

2,976

Think smoking's "COOL"? What if I do it in a leather jacket? "COOL" now? On a Harley? Still "COOL"? While I kiss this model? Is that "COOL"?

2,977

My friend tried playing Pokemon Go in Vegas, but sadly lost his phone. All he caught was herpes.

2,978

the true test of a child is not how he treats his friends, but how he treats Minecraft villagers

2,979

I just heard a woman in a supermarket say this to her 7 year old daughter... "Don't spit! Ladies never spit!" Fcuking. Priceless.

2,980

HER: your phone is exacerbating our problems *i pick up my phone* HER: your behavior is untenable "hold on I'm still googling exacerbate"

2,981

What goes; green-red-green-red-green-red-green-red? A frog in my blender

2,982

Why are hula dancers so pretentious? Because their hips stir.

2,983

It'll be a cold day in hell. Cloudy in purgatory, with a slight chance of rain. And clear skies up in heaven. Now over to Jim with sports.

2,984

"Charlie, I want a divorce." [in a black robe sacrificing a chicken on a satanic blood alter] Why?

2,985

What do feminists and zookeepers have in common? Nothing. Feminists have nothing in common with anyone.

2,986

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman A good example: "I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!"

2,987

A comedian walks into a bar full of r/historians.. [deleted]

2,988

There is absolutely nothing wrong with yelling "I HAVE THE POWEEER!" like He-Man after cooking an omelette that doesnt stick to the pan.

2,989

What is E.T. short for? He's only got little legs.

2,990

Italian Guy with a problem What do you call an Italian guy with one arm shorter than the other? A Speech Impediment :)

2,991

I told my girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows too high She looked surprised.

2,992

*boss trying to relate to younger employees* "Excited for the weekend? I know I'll be *looks down at Wikipedia print-out* Yoloing for sure!"

2,993

A foot fetishist had a bad experience in bed He got off on the wrong foot

2,994

When someone favorites instead of retweeting me I comfort myself by thinking "they're just keeping me to themselves"

2,995

Where did the fortune-teller go on her vacation? To Palm Beach.

2,996

A termite walks into a bar... ... and says, "Hey, is the bar tender here?"

2,997

I saw a black guy riding a bike... At first I thought it was mine, then I realized mine is at home, washing the dishes.

2,998

Lawyers have feelings too.. ...allegedly.

2,999

If you message me with thanks, please include what you're thanking me for. I've been counting my money and sniffing my fingers all morning.

3,000

It's a shock to me that people actually pay their student loans. That's a bill I gave to Jesus