ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
2,801	Pro debating tip: Shave one eyebrow and draw a new one really high.
2,802	I decided to play agar.io again... Now I hate my cellf
2,803	Me: My room is in shambles. Where do I start cleaning!? 5mins later Me: I need a new room.
2,804	Let he has never told a bad joke Cast the first tomato
2,805	I'm lucky enough to be ambidextrous. It's just a shame I'm a lefty.
2,806	Looked up from my phone for a few minutes. Wasn't worth it.
2,807	(climbing out of my coffin) I'm sure you all have a lot of questions, but firstly the reason I faked my death is- [nobody is at my funeral]
2,808	The TV remote, the G-spot and black dads. Some things are just made not to be found.
2,809	My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
2,810	I met the inventor of the trampoline. He's an all round nice guy, but a bit jumpy.
2,811	Three friends partner to setup a law firm. They are Ivanna Firm, Harry Butt and Richard Ox.
2,812	What's the difference between a captain and a lt.col ? A major difference.
2,813	The awkward moment when you think a customer is a salesperson.
2,814	I identify as a sexual atheist With a strong belief that I will never get laid.
2,815	when i hear fat people say that they've made mistakes, i always think to myself, "yeaa...at the grocery store."
2,816	Glad I spent 40 minutes getting my 1 year old dressed so she could go outside for 3 seconds.
2,817	I once shot a deer in my pajamas... How it got in my pajamas, I will never know.
2,818	Planning on starting a restaurant called 'Cobalt 60'. Food will obviously be something to die for.
2,819	Why shouldn't you write with a dull pencil? It's pointless
2,820	A magic genie granted a man one wish. "I wish I had a dick that touched the floor" the man said. The genie then snapped his fingers and poof The man's legs disappeared.
2,821	Niggawatt Def: theoretical unit of work. The amount of work 1 black man can produce in 1 hour.
2,822	The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.
2,823	Critics are calling my performance of Wife Pretending To Care About Her Husband's Work Story "emotionally charged" and "daring".
2,824	Just ONCE, I'd like took deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
2,825	Non alcoholic beer is like eating out your sister Tastes the same as others, but it just isn't right...
2,826	The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.
2,827	If you accidentally use Pam cooking spray instead of Off... It still works, because the mosquitoes just slide off your legs.
2,828	Today's menu: 1 gallon of attitude, 3 cups of sarcasm, 2 tbsp of leave me the hell alone, and a generous cup of shut the f*ck up!
2,829	Gonna get a tattoo of two big trucks crashing into each other and then maybe there's like a scorpion on the side of the road doing push-ups.
2,830	Did you know that Princess Diana was on her cell phone when she died? She was also on the dashboard, the windscreen, the roadside...
2,831	Chemistry Joke (maybe) Bro catches his bro red handed... Bro mine :D
2,832	A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained: "You can't park anywhere near this place!"
2,833	Pretty typical that a female Asian drove Reddit into a ditch, and now a white man has to dig it out.
2,834	The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week. There was no coffin at the funeral
2,835	Whenever I stub my toe I automatically blame and hate the next person I see.
2,836	What do you call ten German men standing abreast, walking backward? [OC] A receeding Herr line.
2,837	I'm so introverted I won't even talk to myself.
2,838	What smells better than it taste? A nose
2,839	If the police really wanted DUI checkpoints to be effective, they'd set them up inside Taco Bell drive-thrus.
2,840	In the future when cats rule the world, the currency will be Cuteness and i will be a poor and lonely man
2,841	Where did little Timmy go during the bombing? Everywhere
2,842	Nsfw. My wife and I had not had sex in a couple months but this morning she woke up randy... He is our neighbor and said her music was up too loud. We still havent had sex.
2,843	What's the definition of a Mistress? Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.
2,844	It is said that the Welsh were the first to use condoms, by making them out of sheep intestines. But the English perfected this technique by removing them from the sheep first.
2,845	What's fun about having sex with twenty-one year olds? You know, there is twenty of them
2,846	How many dead baby's does it take to paint a wall? _
2,847	Gassy Joke What makes a Mexican gassy? Taco night. What makes a white person gassy? Chipotle. What makes a Jew gassy? Auschwitz
2,848	How do you know you're golfing with a politician? When they get a hole-in-one they write down zero on the scorecard.
2,849	Husband: are you cooking something? Me: of course not Husband: the oven timer just went off Me: oh yeah, take the wine out of the freezer
2,850	In Flint, Michigan, students have no difficulty learning A G and P Z. The problem's H to O.
2,851	Fun fact, clown fish are edible. But be forewarned, they taste funny.
2,852	What do you call an ant in space ? Cosmonants & Astronants !
2,853	Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't fucking know. Chickens don't even know what roads are he probably thought it was a field.
2,854	What's the name of a computer that turned into a singer A dell.
2,855	Who is the drummer for the Mexican Beatles? Gringo Starr
2,856	Where do naughty rays of light go? Prism (Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)
2,857	What kind of jokes do bad comedians tell their audience? Bad jokes.
2,858	Spent most of my early twenties trying to open a pistachio.
2,859	JEDI WHO INVENTED LIGHTSABER: ok its a destructive laser sword so maybe we shoudnt wear anythig too flowy JEDI IN CHARGE OF COSTUMES: ...OORR
2,860	ME: tells joke WIFE: ugh, that was funny in middle school [later] ME [at a local middle school]: so have you all heard the one about th
2,861	You know those little helmet stickers some football teams use to reward personal achievement? Bald guys should do that.
2,862	Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
2,863	I'm really bad at understanding some common phrases and vice versa.
2,864	bank 'miss, it says here that your debt is outstanding' twirls hair oh yeah? well i think your debt is pretty cool too
2,865	I'm on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle.
2,866	9/11 jokes are just plane wrong. Write any other jokes about 9/11
2,867	Man has sex with dead corpse That's my fetish.
2,868	After much deliberation, the Cambridge University Netball Team.... ...decided not to abbreviate their name
2,869	What did the asian parents call their retarded son? Sum ting wong
2,870	What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a nigger? Someone who is too lazy to steal.
2,871	Why is Santa Claus always so happy? He knows where all the bad girls live
2,872	My girlfriend keeps telling all her friends I'm racist.. typical lying Mexican.
2,873	Judge: how do you plead? Me: [looks at lawyer] Lawyer: [mouths "not guilty"] Me: hot milky L: bangs head on desk FFS just lock him up
2,874	If I were Stevie Wonder I would say "I'll believe it when I see it" in response to pretty much anything just to piss people off.
2,875	Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Wow. Nobody's ever asked me that. Interviewer: Take a minute to th- Me: Arendelle.
2,876	This post just says it all! It all
2,877	Prince: Rapunzel, let down your hair. Rapunzel: Hair, you'll never be beautiful, you'll always have split ends. hair is super let down
2,878	Hello Darkness, my old frie- the lights suddenly turn on oh it's like that now?
2,879	There's this girl I know, and I'm like a god to her. Because I'm always watching her. And she's never seen me.
2,880	Me and my wife are into S&M. She sleeps and I masturbate.
2,881	i'm working on a porn filtering app that would show only vanilla porn... but I can't work out the kinks
2,882	My friend is convinced he has the biggest balls in the world He's so egotestical.
2,883	Brangelina is no more. And it's really sad to see that Brad Pitt is now just 'Br' while Angelina Jolie gets her whole forename back.
2,884	This Halloween, make your friends run in terror by walking into their parties as "guy with acoustic guitar".
2,885	How do you know if you're a necrophiliac? You get mourning wood.
2,886	What do gnomes fear most about Christmas? They're afraid Father Christmas will give them the sack!
2,887	How many of my fellow Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one of course, as we are highly efficient and have absolutely no sense of humour.
2,888	Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since 1970. Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as smart and half as expensive every 18 months.
2,889	I like my asshole just like my women's pussy Without some other guy's dick in it
2,890	Nephew: What's love? Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink. Sister: Get away from him!
2,891	What does a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
2,892	I like homophobes Homophones, I mean homophones!
2,893	Where does a pirate go on vacation? Arrrrrland.
2,894	I killed a girl who posted too many selfies.I think i can claim selfie-defence.
2,895	I wish todays youth had to endure the humiliation of having your dad pick up the landline phone and start dialing while you're talking on it
2,896	So a polar bear walks into a bar... and says, "I'll have a gin.....and tonic" The bartender says, "What's with the big pause?" And the polar bear says, "Oh, I've always had them."
2,897	In the news today What do Aaron Hernandez and Edward Snowden have in common? They're both expatriots (expatriates).
2,898	When a child whines and cries, you give it back to the mama, so... hands husband back to my mother-in-law
2,899	What did the blonde say when she saw a banana peel? aw shit imma fall again
2,900	I wish Twitter would add bold or italics or meaning to my life.

2,801

Pro debating tip: Shave one eyebrow and draw a new one really high.

2,802

I decided to play agar.io again... Now I hate my cellf

2,803

Me: My room is in shambles. Where do I start cleaning!? *5mins later* Me: I need a new room.

2,804

Let he has never told a bad joke Cast the first tomato

2,805

I'm lucky enough to be ambidextrous. It's just a shame I'm a lefty.

2,806

Looked up from my phone for a few minutes. Wasn't worth it.

2,807

(climbing out of my coffin) I'm sure you all have a lot of questions, but firstly the reason I faked my death is- [nobody is at my funeral]

2,808

The TV remote, the G-spot and black dads. Some things are just made not to be found.

2,809

My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."

2,810

I met the inventor of the trampoline. He's an all round nice guy, but a bit jumpy.

2,811

Three friends partner to setup a law firm. They are Ivanna Firm, Harry Butt and Richard Ox.

2,812

What's the difference between a captain and a lt.col ? A major difference.

2,813

The awkward moment when you think a customer is a salesperson.

2,814

I identify as a sexual atheist With a strong belief that I will never get laid.

2,815

when i hear fat people say that they've made mistakes, i always think to myself, "yeaa...at the grocery store."

2,816

Glad I spent 40 minutes getting my 1 year old dressed so she could go outside for 3 seconds.

2,817

I once shot a deer in my pajamas... How it got in my pajamas, I will never know.

2,818

Planning on starting a restaurant called 'Cobalt 60'. Food will obviously be something to die for.

2,819

Why shouldn't you write with a dull pencil? It's pointless

2,820

A magic genie granted a man one wish. "I wish I had a dick that touched the floor" the man said. The genie then snapped his fingers and *poof* The man's legs disappeared.

2,821

Niggawatt Def: theoretical unit of work. The amount of work 1 black man can produce in 1 hour.

2,822

The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

2,823

Critics are calling my performance of Wife Pretending To Care About Her Husband's Work Story "emotionally charged" and "daring".

2,824

Just ONCE, I'd like took deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.

2,825

Non alcoholic beer is like eating out your sister Tastes the same as others, but it just isn't right...

2,826

The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.

2,827

If you accidentally use Pam cooking spray instead of Off... It still works, because the mosquitoes just slide off your legs.

2,828

Today's menu: 1 gallon of attitude, 3 cups of sarcasm, 2 tbsp of leave me the hell alone, and a generous cup of shut the f*ck up!

2,829

Gonna get a tattoo of two big trucks crashing into each other and then maybe there's like a scorpion on the side of the road doing push-ups.

2,830

Did you know that Princess Diana was on her cell phone when she died? She was also on the dashboard, the windscreen, the roadside...

2,831

Chemistry Joke (maybe) Bro catches his bro red handed... Bro mine :D

2,832

A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained: "You can't park anywhere near this place!"

2,833

Pretty typical that a female Asian drove Reddit into a ditch, and now a white man has to dig it out.

2,834

The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week. There was no coffin at the funeral

2,835

Whenever I stub my toe I automatically blame and hate the next person I see.

2,836

What do you call ten German men standing abreast, walking backward? [OC] A receeding Herr line.

2,837

I'm so introverted I won't even talk to myself.

2,838

What smells better than it taste? A nose

2,839

If the police really wanted DUI checkpoints to be effective, they'd set them up inside Taco Bell drive-thrus.

2,840

In the future when cats rule the world, the currency will be Cuteness and i will be a poor and lonely man

2,841

Where did little Timmy go during the bombing? Everywhere

2,842

Nsfw. My wife and I had not had sex in a couple months but this morning she woke up randy... He is our neighbor and said her music was up too loud. We still havent had sex.

2,843

What's the definition of a Mistress? Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

2,844

It is said that the Welsh were the first to use condoms, by making them out of sheep intestines. But the English perfected this technique by removing them from the sheep first.

2,845

What's fun about having sex with twenty-one year olds? You know, there is twenty of them

2,846

How many dead baby's does it take to paint a wall? _

2,847

Gassy Joke What makes a Mexican gassy? Taco night. What makes a white person gassy? Chipotle. What makes a Jew gassy? Auschwitz

2,848

How do you know you're golfing with a politician? When they get a hole-in-one they write down *zero* on the scorecard.

2,849

Husband: are you cooking something? Me: of course not Husband: the oven timer just went off Me: oh yeah, take the wine out of the freezer

2,850

In Flint, Michigan, students have no difficulty learning A G and P Z. The problem's H to O.

2,851

Fun fact, clown fish are edible. But be forewarned, they taste funny.

2,852

What do you call an ant in space ? Cosmonants & Astronants !

2,853

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't fucking know. Chickens don't even know what roads are he probably thought it was a field.

2,854

What's the name of a computer that turned into a singer A dell.

2,855

Who is the drummer for the Mexican Beatles? Gringo Starr

2,856

Where do naughty rays of light go? Prism (Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)

2,857

What kind of jokes do bad comedians tell their audience? Bad jokes.

2,858

Spent most of my early twenties trying to open a pistachio.

2,859

JEDI WHO INVENTED LIGHTSABER: ok its a destructive laser sword so maybe we shoudnt wear anythig too flowy JEDI IN CHARGE OF COSTUMES: ...OORR

2,860

ME: *tells joke* WIFE: ugh, that was funny in middle school [later] ME [at a local middle school]: so have you all heard the one about th

2,861

You know those little helmet stickers some football teams use to reward personal achievement? Bald guys should do that.

2,862

Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.

2,863

I'm really bad at understanding some common phrases and vice versa.

2,864

*bank* 'miss, it says here that your debt is outstanding' *twirls hair* oh yeah? well i think your debt is pretty cool too

2,865

I'm on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle.

2,866

9/11 jokes are just plane wrong. Write any other jokes about 9/11

2,867

Man has sex with dead corpse That's my fetish.

2,868

After much deliberation, the Cambridge University Netball Team.... ...decided not to abbreviate their name

2,869

What did the asian parents call their retarded son? Sum ting wong

2,870

What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a nigger? Someone who is too lazy to steal.

2,871

Why is Santa Claus always so happy? He knows where all the bad girls live

2,872

My girlfriend keeps telling all her friends I'm racist.. typical lying Mexican.

2,873

Judge: how do you plead? Me: [looks at lawyer] Lawyer: [mouths "not guilty"] Me: hot milky L: *bangs head on desk* FFS just lock him up

2,874

If I were Stevie Wonder I would say "I'll believe it when I see it" in response to pretty much anything just to piss people off.

2,875

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Wow. Nobody's ever asked me that. Interviewer: Take a minute to th- Me: Arendelle.

2,876

This post just says it all! It all

2,877

Prince: Rapunzel, let down your hair. Rapunzel: Hair, you'll never be beautiful, you'll always have split ends. *hair is super let down*

2,878

Hello Darkness, my old frie- *the lights suddenly turn on* oh it's like that now?

2,879

There's this girl I know, and I'm like a god to her. Because I'm always watching her. And she's never seen me.

2,880

Me and my wife are into S&M. She sleeps and I masturbate.

2,881

i'm working on a porn filtering app that would show only vanilla porn... but I can't work out the kinks

2,882

My friend is convinced he has the biggest balls in the world He's so egotestical.

2,883

Brangelina is no more. And it's really sad to see that Brad Pitt is now just 'Br' while Angelina Jolie gets her whole forename back.

2,884

This Halloween, make your friends run in terror by walking into their parties as "guy with acoustic guitar".

2,885

How do you know if you're a necrophiliac? You get mourning wood.

2,886

What do gnomes fear most about Christmas? They're afraid Father Christmas will give them the sack!

2,887

How many of my fellow Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one of course, as we are highly efficient and have absolutely no sense of humour.

2,888

Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since 1970. Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as smart and half as expensive every 18 months.

2,889

I like my asshole just like my women's pussy Without some other guy's dick in it

2,890

Nephew: What's love? Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink. Sister: Get away from him!

2,891

What does a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.

2,892

I like homophobes Homophones, I mean homophones!

2,893

Where does a pirate go on vacation? Arrrrrland.

2,894

I killed a girl who posted too many selfies.I think i can claim selfie-defence.

2,895

I wish todays youth had to endure the humiliation of having your dad pick up the landline phone and start dialing while you're talking on it

2,896

So a polar bear walks into a bar... and says, "I'll have a gin.....and tonic" The bartender says, "What's with the big pause?" And the polar bear says, "Oh, I've always had them."

2,897

In the news today What do Aaron Hernandez and Edward Snowden have in common? They're both expatriots (expatriates).

2,898

When a child whines and cries, you give it back to the mama, so... *hands husband back to my mother-in-law*

2,899

What did the blonde say when she saw a banana peel? aw shit imma fall again

2,900

I wish Twitter would add bold or italics or meaning to my life.