ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
2,501	I went on a boat trip around Paris, ...it was in-seine!
2,502	Cocaine is never a solution... Unless it's dissolved in water.
2,503	Why did the ghost cross the road to get to the "Other Side".
2,504	"well well well, if it isn't the person who didn't like my Instagram photo" is how i like to address pretty much everyone
2,505	I just got an email offering "free bible verses". You know, because who can afford bible verses?
2,506	Never eat spoiled meat Or spoiled eggs
2,507	I like my coffee like I like my slaves... ...Free
2,508	I used to think that "Lacrosse"... Was what the French called that thing that Jesus carried on his back.
2,509	Where does Dracula live? Monte Cristo
2,510	The Camping Chemist Why do chemists never do well on camping trips? Because they pack titrations.
2,511	I'm gonna make like a standards censor and get the fuck outta here.
2,512	BREAKING NEWS: California's drought is over Water supply flourishing from the tears of the racist, homophobic, and conservative southerners.
2,513	ISIS should hire me... I have a lot of experience when it comes to bombing, especially on final exams.
2,514	The secret to my success lies with you having a poor grasp on it's definition.
2,515	One agent stops by another agent's table to tell him the big news: "Elvis just died!" The second agent says nothing then starts nodding. "Good career move."
2,516	What game do they play at Mexican carnivals? Guaca-mole!
2,517	Sorry I got confused & grabbed your fist bump like a doorknob.
2,518	Apparently SeaWorld CEO has declared an end to kissing and dancing for its performing Orcas... Now those whales will know how I felt at my high school prom!
2,519	Why did Hitler suicide? He got the gas bill
2,520	Diamonds are a girl's best friend until you realize they turn you into a shallow ho
2,521	What does an Ent want? A bad birch.
2,522	I think back to all the times I've masturbated up until now... ...its just nice to know how far I've cum.
2,523	Life hack: McDonald's will deliver if you tell them that you are holding Ronald hostage for a ransom of [your desired food order]
2,524	I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don't understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
2,525	For two years in high school, I took guitar lessons. Something interesting I learned is that guitar resale nets a 45% loss.
2,526	The Pink Panther's To Do list: - To do - To do - To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo
2,527	I Like My Coffee How I Like My Women Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through the Andes by a donkey.
2,528	I love posting spam. Although, I've been warned again by the Royal Mail not to mail bits of meat in the post.
2,529	Q: What kind of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? A: Iceberg.
2,530	It's been about 3 years since my last drink and I'm still hungover.
2,531	look son, i kinda need you to go to hong kong & win a martial arts tournament to the death for me because i sorta told my neighbor you did
2,532	How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.
2,533	TIL That I'm NEVER getting prostate cancer
2,534	Whats that over there? I don't know but i think i just got a raging clue
2,535	I was told the Highlander was stopping by a Mexican nightclub When I showed up to the party, there was only Juan.
2,536	I just picked a Chapstick up from my bedside table, spent 30 seconds trying to get the lid off with my teeth, then realized it was a battery
2,537	They should just rename double stuffed Oreos to regular Oreos. And rename regular Oreos to "Do it Yourself Double Oreo Kits".
2,538	A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must have had sharp ears! They were mountain-ears!
2,539	When your girlfriend is PMS'ing, cheer her up by showing her that "totally weird" text you got from your ex last night.
2,540	i put tinder on my kindle it burst into flames
2,541	What do you call... ...a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob
2,542	Whenever I show someone a picture on my phone, I assume ninja stance in case they start scrolling.
2,543	I have an internet porn addiction. i really should beat it...
2,544	What do you get when you mix a public speaker with someone who had tourettes? A clock! One provides the tic, the other provides the talk Credit to my Autistic Big Bro
2,545	What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a prostitute with IBS? Well, one you have to shuck between fits...
2,546	Who won the Tour de France in 1940? the Sixth German Panzer Division
2,547	I wish my wife was better in bed. <sighs> <disables autocorrect> I wish my WiFi was better in bed.
2,548	Oscar Isaac wasn't nominated so far despite his performances in Inside Llewyn Davis and Ex Machina Talk about an Oscar being snubbed
2,549	Why are atoms so serious? Because they're no laughing matter.
2,550	"But what about all the Positive Nancys?" ~ a Nancy, complaining like usual
2,551	A tragic haiku hipsters panicking need a new pretentious food quinoa's too mainstream
2,552	A drummer trips and falls on a sheep, a candy brand, and then a running faucet Baa Dum tss
2,553	If it wasn't for the internet, I would think "12 Years A Slave" was a movie about a guy exaggerating about the first 3 weeks of marriage.
2,554	I don't live in my mother's basement... I live in your mother's basement.
2,555	How do deaf mathematicians communicate? Through sine language.
2,556	Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears do you have an infection ? Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!
2,557	"You the bomb." "No, you the bomb." In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
2,558	What does the license plate of the sheep farmer say? Ewe haul.
2,559	What do you call a Mexican baptism? A bean dip.
2,560	Have you heard about Samsung's new video game based on the Galaxy Note 7? They're calling it Mass Defect.
2,561	Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he didn't have an ear for music.
2,562	What is smaller than a teeny weenie fly? A fly's teeny weenie.
2,563	Just found out that umbrellas open up. I always wondered why my rain stick never kept me dry. We never stop learning do we.
2,564	How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb...? ...to get to the other side
2,565	Have you seen www.veryangry.com? No AND STOP ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS!
2,566	Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.
2,567	What's every movie critic's favorite cooking ingredient? Michael Bay Leaves.
2,568	Some joke my dad told me a long time ago What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to? Barbers.
2,569	Lovey dovey couples look best when viewed through the scope of a high powered rifle.
2,570	Gotta love those girls in department stores wearing lab coats--taking time away from their experiments to help women out with their makeup.
2,571	Green Lantern That name has a nice ring to it
2,572	Why was the pig happy when reviewers criticized his story? Because they called it garbage.
2,573	Why is the upcoming Windows OS called Windows 10? Because 7 ate 9...
2,574	A baby of few hours old is third in line for the highest title in the UK.
2,575	Messi carrying Argentina. Neymar carrying Brazil. British Airways carrying England
2,576	My wife and I just made a porno. Too bad she's my late wife.
2,577	Dance like no one is watching! Comment like you don't live in your mom's basement!
2,578	What do you call a rough Italian neighborhood? A Spaghetto
2,579	What does a Pirate say on his Eightieth birthday? AYE MATEY!
2,580	Dear Americans: It's called snow. It's cold and wet, but can't hurt you from inside the house. It has no opposable thumbs. #AskCanada
2,581	What's the difference between a white story and a black story? A white story starts with "Once Apon a Time" and a black story starts with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this"
2,582	Why do I like sweet potatoes? Cuz they're yammy!!!
2,583	What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day? Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!
2,584	"I made $200.05 giving BJ's to people yesterday." "Who gave you a nickel?" "Everyone did."
2,585	What do you call a hooker with no limits? Your mom.
2,586	Boy, your name must be Adobe cuz when you call me up for a date, I say "Ask me again later."
2,587	Imagine if last names were invented now, so instead of "Smith" and "Baker," we had "Frontenddeveloper" and "Socialmediaconsultant."
2,588	Detective: how were u able to do it? Serial Killer: thanks to the flexibility of Uber. I was able to work my own hours and still murder
2,589	What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris? Ape Suzettes!
2,590	Kids these days think Christmas is all about getting presents instead of celebrating the birth of Santa Claus.
2,591	How to avoid clickbait? clearly, you wouldn't know...
2,592	I saw my brother kiss my uncle today. I'm starting to think he's relatively gay.
2,593	What did Hitler's cat think of the Holocaust? It was purrfect.
2,594	did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!
2,595	What breathes out but never in? Your asshole
2,596	What's the worst cut of steak? Amazon Prime.
2,597	My wife is like a treasure You'll need an accurate map and a fucking shovel to find her.
2,598	A man walks into a bear... He is mauled to death.
2,599	When Canada abolished the penny there was no public protest at all... ...I guess Canada fears change
2,600	Grandpa looks at his grandson and says, "Go hide! Your teacher is here because you skipped school today." The grandson says, "No, you go hide. I told her you were dead!"

2,501

I went on a boat trip around Paris, ...it was in-seine!

2,502

Cocaine is never a solution... Unless it's dissolved in water.

2,503

Why did the ghost cross the road to get to the "Other Side".

2,504

"well well well, if it isn't the person who didn't like my Instagram photo" is how i like to address pretty much everyone

2,505

I just got an email offering "free bible verses". You know, because who can afford bible verses?

2,506

Never eat spoiled meat Or spoiled eggs

2,507

I like my coffee like I like my slaves... ...Free

2,508

I used to think that "Lacrosse"... Was what the French called that thing that Jesus carried on his back.

2,509

Where does Dracula live? Monte Cristo

2,510

The Camping Chemist Why do chemists never do well on camping trips? Because they pack titrations.

2,511

I'm gonna make like a standards censor and get the fuck outta here.

2,512

BREAKING NEWS: California's drought is over Water supply flourishing from the tears of the racist, homophobic, and conservative southerners.

2,513

ISIS should hire me... I have a lot of experience when it comes to bombing, especially on final exams.

2,514

The secret to my success lies with you having a poor grasp on it's definition.

2,515

One agent stops by another agent's table to tell him the big news: "Elvis just died!" The second agent says nothing then starts nodding. "Good career move."

2,516

What game do they play at Mexican carnivals? Guaca-mole!

2,517

Sorry I got confused & grabbed your fist bump like a doorknob.

2,518

Apparently SeaWorld CEO has declared an end to kissing and dancing for its performing Orcas... Now those whales will know how I felt at my high school prom!

2,519

Why did Hitler suicide? He got the gas bill

2,520

Diamonds are a girl's best friend until you realize they turn you into a shallow ho

2,521

What does an Ent want? A bad birch.

2,522

I think back to all the times I've masturbated up until now... ...its just nice to know how far I've cum.

2,523

Life hack: McDonald's will deliver if you tell them that you are holding Ronald hostage for a ransom of [your desired food order]

2,524

I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don't understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.

2,525

For two years in high school, I took guitar lessons. Something interesting I learned is that guitar resale nets a 45% loss.

2,526

The Pink Panther's To Do list: - To do - To do - To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo

2,527

I Like My Coffee How I Like My Women Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through the Andes by a donkey.

2,528

I love posting spam. Although, I've been warned again by the Royal Mail not to mail bits of meat in the post.

2,529

Q: What kind of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? A: Iceberg.

2,530

It's been about 3 years since my last drink and I'm still hungover.

2,531

look son, i kinda need you to go to hong kong & win a martial arts tournament to the death for me because i sorta told my neighbor you did

2,532

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

2,533

TIL That I'm NEVER getting prostate cancer

2,534

Whats that over there? I don't know but i think i just got a raging clue

2,535

I was told the Highlander was stopping by a Mexican nightclub When I showed up to the party, there was only Juan.

2,536

I just picked a Chapstick up from my bedside table, spent 30 seconds trying to get the lid off with my teeth, then realized it was a battery

2,537

They should just rename double stuffed Oreos to regular Oreos. And rename regular Oreos to "Do it Yourself Double Oreo Kits".

2,538

A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must have had sharp ears! They were mountain-ears!

2,539

When your girlfriend is PMS'ing, cheer her up by showing her that "totally weird" text you got from your ex last night.

2,540

i put tinder on my kindle it burst into flames

2,541

What do you call... ...a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob

2,542

Whenever I show someone a picture on my phone, I assume ninja stance in case they start scrolling.

2,543

I have an internet porn addiction. i really should beat it...

2,544

What do you get when you mix a public speaker with someone who had tourettes? A clock! One provides the tic, the other provides the talk Credit to my Autistic Big Bro

2,545

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a prostitute with IBS? Well, one you have to shuck between fits...

2,546

Who won the Tour de France in 1940? the Sixth German Panzer Division

2,547

I wish my wife was better in bed. <sighs> <disables autocorrect> I wish my WiFi was better in bed.

2,548

Oscar Isaac wasn't nominated so far despite his performances in Inside Llewyn Davis and Ex Machina Talk about an Oscar being snubbed

2,549

Why are atoms so serious? Because they're no laughing matter.

2,550

"But what about all the Positive Nancys?" ~ a Nancy, complaining like usual

2,551

A tragic haiku hipsters panicking need a new pretentious food quinoa's too mainstream

2,552

A drummer trips and falls on a sheep, a candy brand, and then a running faucet *Baa Dum tss*

2,553

If it wasn't for the internet, I would think "12 Years A Slave" was a movie about a guy exaggerating about the first 3 weeks of marriage.

2,554

I don't live in my mother's basement... I live in your mother's basement.

2,555

How do deaf mathematicians communicate? Through sine language.

2,556

Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears do you have an infection ? Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!

2,557

"You the bomb." "No, you the bomb." In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

2,558

What does the license plate of the sheep farmer say? Ewe haul.

2,559

What do you call a Mexican baptism? A bean dip.

2,560

Have you heard about Samsung's new video game based on the Galaxy Note 7? They're calling it Mass Defect.

2,561

Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he didn't have an ear for music.

2,562

What is smaller than a teeny weenie fly? A fly's teeny weenie.

2,563

Just found out that umbrellas open up. I always wondered why my rain stick never kept me dry. We never stop learning do we.

2,564

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb...? ...to get to the other side

2,565

Have you seen www.veryangry.com? No AND STOP ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS!

2,566

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.

2,567

What's every movie critic's favorite cooking ingredient? Michael Bay Leaves.

2,568

Some joke my dad told me a long time ago What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to? Barbers.

2,569

Lovey dovey couples look best when viewed through the scope of a high powered rifle.

2,570

Gotta love those girls in department stores wearing lab coats--taking time away from their experiments to help women out with their makeup.

2,571

Green Lantern That name has a nice ring to it

2,572

Why was the pig happy when reviewers criticized his story? Because they called it garbage.

2,573

Why is the upcoming Windows OS called Windows 10? Because 7 ate 9...

2,574

A baby of few hours old is third in line for the highest title in the UK.

2,575

Messi carrying Argentina. Neymar carrying Brazil. British Airways carrying England

2,576

My wife and I just made a porno. Too bad she's my late wife.

2,577

Dance like no one is watching! Comment like you don't live in your mom's basement!

2,578

What do you call a rough Italian neighborhood? A Spaghetto

2,579

What does a Pirate say on his Eightieth birthday? AYE MATEY!

2,580

Dear Americans: It's called snow. It's cold and wet, but can't hurt you from inside the house. It has no opposable thumbs. #AskCanada

2,581

What's the difference between a white story and a black story? A white story starts with "Once Apon a Time" and a black story starts with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this"

2,582

Why do I like sweet potatoes? Cuz they're yammy!!!

2,583

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day? Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

2,584

"I made $200.05 giving BJ's to people yesterday." "Who gave you a nickel?" "Everyone did."

2,585

What do you call a hooker with no limits? Your mom.

2,586

Boy, your name must be Adobe cuz when you call me up for a date, I say "Ask me again later."

2,587

Imagine if last names were invented now, so instead of "Smith" and "Baker," we had "Frontenddeveloper" and "Socialmediaconsultant."

2,588

Detective: how were u able to do it? Serial Killer: thanks to the flexibility of Uber. I was able to work my own hours and still murder

2,589

What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris? Ape Suzettes!

2,590

Kids these days think Christmas is all about getting presents instead of celebrating the birth of Santa Claus.

2,591

How to avoid clickbait? clearly, you wouldn't know...

2,592

I saw my brother kiss my uncle today. I'm starting to think he's relatively gay.

2,593

What did Hitler's cat think of the Holocaust? It was purrfect.

2,594

did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!

2,595

What breathes out but never in? Your asshole

2,596

What's the worst cut of steak? Amazon Prime.

2,597

My wife is like a treasure You'll need an accurate map and a fucking shovel to find her.

2,598

A man walks into a bear... He is mauled to death.

2,599

When Canada abolished the penny there was no public protest at all... ...I guess Canada fears change

2,600

Grandpa looks at his grandson and says, "Go hide! Your teacher is here because you skipped school today." The grandson says, "No, you go hide. I told her you were dead!"