ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
2,101	I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else's
2,102	I wish young people would stop idealising future dystopias and start enjoying the one they're in.
2,103	What do you call a man standing up to his knees in water? Wade
2,104	I was going to tell a joke about sodium... But then I said "Na, I'll do it later."
2,105	If you combined all the movies of Rob Schneider and made them into one single movie, it would be an extremely long movie.
2,106	I ate way too many freedom fries yesterday. I had to liberate the toilet for hours.
2,107	I made a website for Kids' jokes. But for some reason people seem hesitant to go to kidslaughter.com
2,108	Yo mama so fat... ... slapping her belly causes gravitational waves. OR ... every step she takes causes a ripple in special relativity.
2,109	I was fighting with my wife over the arrangement of the dining-room furniture. I thought I had won but when I got home from work the tables were turned.
2,110	All the jokes about iPhone 6S are just slightly improved jokes about iPhone 6.
2,111	Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra... The police are on the lookout for two hardened criminals...
2,112	Where do you find the best tofu in the entire world?
2,113	yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 seconds.
2,114	My kid wanted juice but I gave him water which he promptly turned into whine.
2,115	Why do they build fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in
2,116	Boss: I suspect one of you is dead [Everyone looks at me, except for Paul, who is not moving at all]
2,117	Three stages of a man's life . . . . . Want to stand up Want to stand up Want to stand up
2,118	Oh yeah bro? That's not what your mom said last night. I don't think so, anyway. It was a long conversation. She sounds well. Lovely person.
2,119	I just bought shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day
2,120	Be alert! The world needs more lerts.
2,121	- "... He accidentally drank some radioactive milk and became_ - MILKMAN!! - No. He became gravely ill and died. What are you? An idiot?!"
2,122	Visiting grandma (nsfw) Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today! "Shut up and keep digging, boy."
2,123	I was having sex with a woman last night and she kept screaming this other guys name. Who the hell is this "Rape" fellow, anyway?
2,124	When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
2,125	Two peanuts were walking through Central Park late at night. One was a salted.
2,126	What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets the point.
2,127	Telling someone they can't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they can't be happy because others have it better.
2,128	Little girl: "Grandma, make a noise like a frog." Grandma: "Why?" Little girl: "Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak."
2,129	My thanks to Mexican Coke for sponsoring this week's weirdly tight pants. "Mexican Coke: Porque tu pantalones deben ser dolorosos."
2,130	What's the difference between a brothel and a circus? Your mother never ran away to join the circus.
2,131	The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof.
2,132	did you hear about that kidnapping in Texas? He woke up.
2,133	FB lesson number #1. If you don't want people meddling in your business, stop posting it on your status.
2,134	The greatest thing about Christmas is how it teaches kids to be selfish little shits on someone else's birthday.
2,135	A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says "You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a cop!"
2,136	My favorite jokes are the short ones that make me laugh. Here's a short one that I hope makes you laugh. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? - You look for FRESH PRINTS!!
2,137	I'm scared of the toilet That's where shit goes down
2,138	Do you know the problem with ordering duck? It always comes with the bill.
2,139	"Raising a family is hard," he said. "Not if they're buried close enough together," replied the Necromancer.
2,140	I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
2,141	Just when I think I'm 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots.
2,142	What do you call a cute homeless girl? Dust Bunny
2,143	I asked my wife if we could do 68 tonight. She'd blow me, and I'd owe her one.
2,144	The toilet bowl was stolen from the local police precinct last night. The cops have nothing to go on.
2,145	No, you're not fat, you're just easy to see.
2,146	Did you guys see the new line of Tony Romo's cologne? Every time you wear it, you fuck up and the other guy scores.
2,147	What does Sean Connery wear to avoid the paparazzi? His shunglasshesh
2,148	I farted on the bus today and four people turned around I felt like I was on The Voice
2,149	(NSFW) What did the haddock get covered in at the fish orgy? SALMONal fluid
2,150	One day I'll cure deafness... You hear me!
2,151	Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can't pronounce it.
2,152	Is this InkJet any good? Sure, we've sold it to royalty Princesses? Mate, it prints ALL the letters!
2,153	What do you call someone who sneezes doing cocaine? A snowblower
2,154	Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
2,155	Why does Donald Trump hate Chris Jericho? Because Jericho wants to break the walls down
2,156	Remember that AMA guy whose mother slept with him because he had broken his arms? She was adding incest to injury.
2,157	What do you call Dracula's retarded cousin? Countdown This was a joke I heard on TV some time ago ... Thought it was worth a share.
2,158	Yes, I am aware pigs are more intelligent than dogs. Why would I want to eat an inferior animal and absorb its lesser powers?
2,159	Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells? Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
2,160	Why does santa say ho ho ho? Because three hos are better than one!
2,161	IAMA convicted murderer who escaped last week from an upstate New York prison currently on the run somewhere in North America. AMA!
2,162	I've found that whenever God closes a door, Satan hands me a lockpick.
2,163	Pepsi just bought out Nike. Nike's new slogan will be, "Just Dew It".
2,164	You're the only one who understands me, last remaining sleeve of Oreo cookies.
2,165	Knock knock. Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? Wow, I didn't know you could yodel!
2,166	A Wizard walks into a gay bar, and disappears with a poof.
2,167	what if soy milk is just regular milk.... introducing itself in spanish
2,168	There are some problems in life that can be solved with chocolate....others require a full clip and a shovel.
2,169	Lovers joke When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
2,170	Glad the lady in front of me decided at the last second to stop at the yellow light as I prefer to eat my fries from the dashboard.
2,171	There are 10 kinds of people... * The ones who know binary * The ones who doesn't know binary * and the ones who taught that this joke was in binary...
2,172	Well... I like to think of it this way if we survived two fantastic 4 movies we could survive Ragnarok and hey we did good job world
2,173	What do you call an Irish Jew? A leprechaun!
2,174	boss calls me into office "um but sir my name is--" Be quiet you're "into office" now
2,175	Shadow dancers begin making a mock hanging motion to Katy Perry's singing
2,176	How can you tell if lunch meat is from West Virginia? It's in bread
2,177	Just witnessed a white girl take a selfie with her coffee in Starbucks. I always heard the legends but never thought I'd see it in the wild.
2,178	What is it called when a bunch of people, all under 5'2", go to a raging party? High wasted shorts!
2,179	Girl, is your dad Louis Vuitton? Because you have such big bags under your eyes. Wait am I doing this right
2,180	What's Franklin D Roosavelt's favorite game show? Deal or New Deal
2,181	The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain't good.
2,182	13 year old girls be like "I need a man who.. " Lol the only Man in your life should be Spongebob. Yallah go finish your homework.
2,183	Never tell a joke to plutonium, there reaction is explosive
2,184	What type of car does an African drive? A Sudan
2,185	If you watch the biggest loser backwards it's a story about your mom.
2,186	Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch? It's made from scratch ^NB ^OP ^is ^heckle-proof
2,187	I really can't walk the walk or talk the talk but if you need someone to drink the drink, I'm your man.
2,188	Where does bad light go? Into a prism.
2,189	Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor
2,190	Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
2,191	Why was six afraid of seven? Seven is a registered six offender.
2,192	Wanna hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism.
2,193	What did the gang-banger say when two houses fell on him? Get off me, homes.
2,194	You know it's cold outside when... You buy a foot long at Subway and by the time you get it to you car it's a six inch
2,195	What car does the Loch Ness Monster drive? A Ford F-tree-fiddy
2,196	Did it hurt when you fell? Into the toilet, you piece of shit?
2,197	Boy becomes Jedi, gets married, turns evil, has twins, becomes Darth Vader, complicated crap, ewoks. Boom, STAR WARS. You're welcome, girls.
2,198	What smells worse than an anchovy? An anchovy's cunt
2,199	Did you guys hear about the girl that had three vaginas? She kept getting fucked left, right and centre.
2,200	The awkward moment when you say, "I love you," then the pizza delivery guy says, "That'll be $12.46, please."

2,101

I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else's

2,102

I wish young people would stop idealising future dystopias and start enjoying the one they're in.

2,103

What do you call a man standing up to his knees in water? Wade

2,104

I was going to tell a joke about sodium... But then I said "Na, I'll do it later."

2,105

If you combined all the movies of Rob Schneider and made them into one single movie, it would be an extremely long movie.

2,106

I ate way too many freedom fries yesterday. I had to liberate the toilet for hours.

2,107

I made a website for Kids' jokes. But for some reason people seem hesitant to go to kidslaughter.com

2,108

Yo mama so fat... ... slapping her belly causes gravitational waves. OR ... every step she takes causes a ripple in special relativity.

2,109

I was fighting with my wife over the arrangement of the dining-room furniture. I thought I had won but when I got home from work the tables were turned.

2,110

All the jokes about iPhone 6S are just slightly improved jokes about iPhone 6.

2,111

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra... The police are on the lookout for two hardened criminals...

2,112

Where do you find the best tofu in the entire world?

2,113

yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 seconds.

2,114

My kid wanted juice but I gave him water which he promptly turned into whine.

2,115

Why do they build fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in

2,116

Boss: I suspect one of you is dead [Everyone looks at me, except for Paul, who is not moving at all]

2,117

Three stages of a man's life . . . . . Want to stand up Want to stand up Want to stand up

2,118

Oh yeah bro? That's not what your mom said last night. I don't think so, anyway. It was a long conversation. She sounds well. Lovely person.

2,119

I just bought shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day

2,120

Be alert! The world needs more lerts.

2,121

- "... He accidentally drank some radioactive milk and became_ - MILKMAN!! - No. He became gravely ill and died. What are you? An idiot?!"

2,122

Visiting grandma (nsfw) Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today! "Shut up and keep digging, boy."

2,123

I was having sex with a woman last night and she kept screaming this other guys name. Who the hell is this "Rape" fellow, anyway?

2,124

When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.

2,125

Two peanuts were walking through Central Park late at night. One was a salted.

2,126

What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets the point.

2,127

Telling someone they can't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they can't be happy because others have it better.

2,128

Little girl: "Grandma, make a noise like a frog." Grandma: "Why?" Little girl: "Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak."

2,129

My thanks to Mexican Coke for sponsoring this week's weirdly tight pants. "Mexican Coke: Porque tu pantalones deben ser dolorosos."

2,130

What's the difference between a brothel and a circus? Your mother never ran away to join the circus.

2,131

The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof.

2,132

did you hear about that kidnapping in Texas? He woke up.

2,133

FB lesson number #1. If you don't want people meddling in your business, stop posting it on your status.

2,134

The greatest thing about Christmas is how it teaches kids to be selfish little shits on someone else's birthday.

2,135

A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says "You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a cop!"

2,136

My favorite jokes are the short ones that make me laugh. Here's a short one that I hope makes you laugh. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? - You look for FRESH PRINTS!!

2,137

I'm scared of the toilet That's where shit goes down

2,138

Do you know the problem with ordering duck? It always comes with the bill.

2,139

"Raising a family is hard," he said. "Not if they're buried close enough together," replied the Necromancer.

2,140

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

2,141

Just when I think I'm 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots.

2,142

What do you call a cute homeless girl? Dust Bunny

2,143

I asked my wife if we could do 68 tonight. She'd blow me, and I'd owe her one.

2,144

The toilet bowl was stolen from the local police precinct last night. The cops have nothing to go on.

2,145

No, you're not fat, you're just easy to see.

2,146

Did you guys see the new line of Tony Romo's cologne? Every time you wear it, you fuck up and the other guy scores.

2,147

What does Sean Connery wear to avoid the paparazzi? His shunglasshesh

2,148

I farted on the bus today and four people turned around I felt like I was on The Voice

2,149

(NSFW) What did the haddock get covered in at the fish orgy? SALMONal fluid

2,150

One day I'll cure deafness... You hear me!

2,151

Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can't pronounce it.

2,152

Is this InkJet any good? Sure, we've sold it to royalty Princesses? Mate, it prints ALL the letters!

2,153

What do you call someone who sneezes doing cocaine? A snowblower

2,154

Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.

2,155

Why does Donald Trump hate Chris Jericho? Because Jericho wants to break the walls down

2,156

Remember that AMA guy whose mother slept with him because he had broken his arms? She was adding incest to injury.

2,157

What do you call Dracula's retarded cousin? Countdown This was a joke I heard on TV some time ago ... Thought it was worth a share.

2,158

Yes, I am aware pigs are more intelligent than dogs. Why would I want to eat an inferior animal and absorb its lesser powers?

2,159

Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells? Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.

2,160

Why does santa say ho ho ho? Because three hos are better than one!

2,161

IAMA convicted murderer who escaped last week from an upstate New York prison currently on the run somewhere in North America. AMA!

2,162

I've found that whenever God closes a door, Satan hands me a lockpick.

2,163

Pepsi just bought out Nike. Nike's new slogan will be, "Just Dew It".

2,164

You're the only one who understands me, last remaining sleeve of Oreo cookies.

2,165

Knock knock. Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? Wow, I didn't know you could yodel!

2,166

A Wizard walks into a gay bar, and disappears with a poof.

2,167

what if soy milk is just regular milk.... introducing itself in spanish

2,168

There are some problems in life that can be solved with chocolate....others require a full clip and a shovel.

2,169

Lovers joke When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

2,170

Glad the lady in front of me decided at the last second to stop at the yellow light as I prefer to eat my fries from the dashboard.

2,171

There are 10 kinds of people... * The ones who know binary * The ones who doesn't know binary * and the ones who taught that this joke was in binary...

2,172

Well... I like to think of it this way if we survived two fantastic 4 movies we could survive Ragnarok and hey we did good job world

2,173

What do you call an Irish Jew? A leprechaun!

2,174

*boss calls me into office* "um but sir my name is--" Be quiet you're "into office" now

2,175

Shadow dancers begin making a mock hanging motion to Katy Perry's singing

2,176

How can you tell if lunch meat is from West Virginia? It's in bread

2,177

Just witnessed a white girl take a selfie with her coffee in Starbucks. I always heard the legends but never thought I'd see it in the wild.

2,178

What is it called when a bunch of people, all under 5'2", go to a raging party? High wasted shorts!

2,179

Girl, is your dad Louis Vuitton? Because you have such big bags under your eyes. Wait am I doing this right

2,180

What's Franklin D Roosavelt's favorite game show? Deal or New Deal

2,181

The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain't good.

2,182

13 year old girls be like "I need a man who.. " Lol the only Man in your life should be Spongebob. Yallah go finish your homework.

2,183

Never tell a joke to plutonium, there reaction is explosive

2,184

What type of car does an African drive? A Sudan

2,185

If you watch the biggest loser backwards it's a story about your mom.

2,186

Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch? It's made from scratch ^*NB ^OP ^is ^heckle-proof*

2,187

I really can't walk the walk or talk the talk but if you need someone to drink the drink, I'm your man.

2,188

Where does bad light go? Into a prism.

2,189

Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor

2,190

Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?

2,191

Why was six afraid of seven? Seven is a registered six offender.

2,192

Wanna hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism.

2,193

What did the gang-banger say when two houses fell on him? Get off me, homes.

2,194

You know it's cold outside when... You buy a foot long at Subway and by the time you get it to you car it's a six inch

2,195

What car does the Loch Ness Monster drive? A Ford F-tree-fiddy

2,196

Did it hurt when you fell? Into the toilet, you piece of shit?

2,197

Boy becomes Jedi, gets married, turns evil, has twins, becomes Darth Vader, complicated crap, ewoks. Boom, STAR WARS. You're welcome, girls.

2,198

What smells worse than an anchovy? An anchovy's cunt

2,199

Did you guys hear about the girl that had three vaginas? She kept getting fucked left, right and centre.

2,200

The awkward moment when you say, "I love you," then the pizza delivery guy says, "That'll be $12.46, please."