ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
1,201	What's a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it's R but his first love will always be the C.
1,202	I work in a popular hotel... I see people come in to stay from all over the world, yet for some reason I've never seen a Native American here. I guess they just don't like to make reservations.
1,203	A mother called the police on her 6 month old baby for not taking a nap. He was resisting a rest.
1,204	What do you call a group of Japanese people running up a hill? Tsunami Warning
1,205	Dodged the bullet A girl asked me today if she is wearing too much make-up. I told her my reply depends on whether or not she intends to kill Batman.
1,206	For a very short period of time, you were the youngest person in the world. #mindblowing
1,207	What kind of pizzas can tell the future? Medium Pizzas
1,208	Whenever I put on my Ocean Pacific (op) pants I feel I must say something meaningful.
1,209	If looks could kill, I'd still use a baseball bat.
1,210	If you want to relate to how old people probably feel just imagine that a bowl of soup cost $40 and everybody else acted like that was fine.
1,211	Two Scotsmen walk past a baker One turns to the other and says 'Is that a cake or a meringue?' The other replies 'no you're right, it's a cake'
1,212	What's the difference between a normal pirate and a sexy pirate? The type of booty they plunder.
1,213	Doctor: taps knee with mallet feel that? Me: No Doctor: or this? jabs toe with a pin Me: Nah Doctor: Just as I suspected. This is my leg
1,214	All women are crazy but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
1,215	Why is Forrest Gump as a young boy without his leg braces like a Samurai without a master? Because everywhere he went, he was Ronin! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'll see myself out...
1,216	what did the kiwi statue said to the other kiwi statue? statue bro?
1,217	turkey went out of the frying pan and into the fire only for Putin to put them in the oven
1,218	Why did the sperm cross the road? I put on the wrong sock this morning :(
1,219	How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Whatever.
1,220	If I have 5 apples and Jamal take 3, what color is Jamal? Admit it, you're a fucking racist!
1,221	Tried to take a photograph of some fog Mist
1,222	If you don't pay your exorcist You get repossessed
1,223	Sex Joke So an egg walked up to a sperm and said, "You cum here often."
1,224	How long do you think it will take for gays to find out? That a gay marriage is as much an oxymoron as a gay funeral?
1,225	Football is like Sex your mom sucks at both
1,226	Patron: How come this fly is swimming in my soup? Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wading.
1,227	What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? a PILOT, you fucking racist!
1,228	Single and divorced men in their 40's prefer women at their own maturity level. That explains why they date women half their age.
1,229	CNN got really excited about the #TransAsia plane until they found out it's not missing so now they don't care.
1,230	I see dead people. No wait, I take that back. I see people I want dead.
1,231	One woodworm met another. "How's life?" she asked. "Oh same as usual" he replied "boring."
1,232	Some days I want to leave everything and just run away with him. Other days I want to own 3 baby dragons and be fireproof and naked.
1,233	I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
1,234	What's that thing called when your crush likes you back? Oh yeah. Imagination.
1,235	What cars do wolves drive? Auuuuuuuuuuuuudis!
1,236	What to toilet paper and the starship enterprise have in common? They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons
1,237	The soul weighs 21 grams. We know this because the Jurassic World film reels are 21 grams lighter than Jurassic Park
1,238	South Africa
1,239	If the lever on your toaster breaks off and your bread starts burning, can you pry it out with a butter knife? The answer may shock you.
1,240	[commercial] [man comes home after long day, opens front door and is attacked by 8 cats] MAN: There has to be a better way! Narrator: DOGS
1,241	What's the alien version of Facebook? Spacebook. (It's a terrible joke I know).
1,242	4 out of 5 dentists agree: kill a lion.
1,243	Why are dogs bad at dancing? They have two left feet
1,244	There are few things more awkward on a blind date than looking up from your phone to realise she's left. She obviously wasn't blind at all.
1,245	What do you call rude fungi? Shiit-talking mushrooms
1,246	I don't know what disturbs me more about my attraction towards my girlfriends mother. The fact that she's 51 or the fact that she's also my mother.
1,247	Today is National Pasta Day I have a friend that would have loved today, but sadly she's pastaway
1,248	Difference Between Good Girls And Bad Girls Good Girls Open Few Buttons In Hot Atmosphere, But Bad Girls Open All Buttons To Make The Atmosphere Hot.
1,249	I ate the last piece of flan that my wife and I have been fighting over I won the custardy battle.
1,250	My entire day will be spent laughing at my children because they have to go back to school tomorrow..
1,251	I think my wife has a habit of walking in her sleep Every morning I find her sleeping in someone else's bed.
1,252	What is worse than biting through an apple, and finding a worm inside? ~~Rape~~ The picky fuckers on this website.
1,253	I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World. So I took them to our local fish market, saying, "Shhhh... they're all asleep."
1,254	[first date] Me: don't let him know you're the Mona Lisa Him: You look nice tonight Me: smiles ambiguously
1,255	Dear Lord, Thank you for these noodles I'm about to eat and the good deal I got buying them in bulk at Costco. RA-MEN!
1,256	What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.
1,257	Did you hear the one about the perfume store? I heard their manufacturing was in an ol' factory.
1,258	Why do melons have traditional marriages? Because they cantaloupe
1,259	I was going to major in cosmetology.. ..but then they shut down the space program.. idiots.
1,260	I cant get on Tumblr anymore... My doctor told me to cut down on Trans-Fats
1,261	What does Mr. Miyagi do when he gets home from a date? He wax off
1,262	Apple CEO announces he's gay. Samsung CEO announces he's more gay and water resistant.
1,263	So I asked this swiss dude to tell me something good about living in Switzerland. "Well" he said "the flag is a big plus!"
1,264	Simon: I wrote a song Garfunkel: reads lyrics Garfunkel: "I am a rock. I am an island" dude I'm like right here. I thought we were friends
1,265	What game do two strangers with Social Anxiety play? Don't Break the Ice
1,266	Why did the English majors switch to Spanish? (OC) Too many persuasive esses.
1,267	This year for Christmas.. This year for Christmas I got a new shirt and piece of ass from my wife. Figures, they were both too big!!
1,268	What's the Boogeyman's part-time job? BoogeyNAN!
1,269	reckon the clouds look down and say, ''look! that one is shaped like an idiot?''
1,270	What is the longest word in the feminist dictionary? Antidickstablishmentarianism.
1,271	The best part of the birthday notifier on Facebook is, I meet people that I didn't even know were on my friends list.
1,272	Why did the little Dutch boy have to register as a sex offender? He kept on sticking his finger in a tyke.
1,273	After my surgery, the doctor told me I have to pee sitting down. He told me not to lift anything that weighs more than 10 pounds.
1,274	My condolences for you and your family through this difficult transition is why my wife won't let me send back wedding RSVP cards.
1,275	Racism is a subjective matter there are no black and white solutions
1,276	"Only a good guy with a forest fire can prevent forest fires" - Smokey the NRA Bear
1,277	A man walks into a bar... He asks the barman "do you serve women here?" The barman replies "no, sorry, you'll have to bring your own."
1,278	What do you call a powerful, asshole-ish potato? A dick-tater.
1,279	I said to my dyslexic mate, "Guess which band has split up?" He said, "Erm..."
1,280	Cleaning out the garage, I found some things I didn't even realize I had. Like a tent, a new printer, and a fourth kid.
1,281	My penis is so polite..... .....it stands up to give ladies a place to sit down.
1,282	If Frieza is King Cold's son... Does that make him a little Cold?
1,283	Strip club[OC] So I'm at the strip club and this huge breasted woman comes up to me and slaps me silly with her left titty. Guy sitting next to me says,"bet that's gonna leave a lasting mammary."
1,284	Did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stays up all night wondering if dog exists.
1,285	Don't cut out part of your day to throw out clocks! It's a waste of time!
1,286	I witnessed a murder today.. then I realized it was just a group of crows.
1,287	What's white and drips from the cloud? The coming of the Lord.
1,288	BUSINESS IDEA: CinnaBon-Iver. Delicious pastries filled with scarf scraps and broken pieces of wind chimes.
1,289	What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.
1,290	My girlfriend told me that having a good sense of humour is really important I told her to message the mods at /r/Jokes
1,291	Start with the answer. What's an easy way to ruin a good joke?
1,292	My life would be a lot easier if when shopping online there was a "Sort by least ugly" option.
1,293	My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, "Wow, that's a pretty big word for a eight year old."
1,294	Even the best men in the Chinese military Have chinks in their armor
1,295	What do you call a dumb nerd? A geek.
1,296	Confession: I'm the one who's been posting all those idiotic comments on youtube using millions of anonymous accounts.
1,297	Why aren't any atheists buying a PS4 Pro? They don't believe in higher power.
1,298	[mouse plane] mouse pilot: hello folks, this is your captain squeaking- mouse passengers squeal with delight
1,299	Whats the number one reason for Pedophilia? Sexy children.
1,300	If a white person eats a dessert and no one is around to Instagram it, did it even happen?

1,201

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it's R but his first love will always be the C.

1,202

I work in a popular hotel... I see people come in to stay from all over the world, yet for some reason I've never seen a Native American here. I guess they just don't like to make reservations.

1,203

A mother called the police on her 6 month old baby for not taking a nap. He was resisting a rest.

1,204

What do you call a group of Japanese people running up a hill? Tsunami Warning

1,205

Dodged the bullet A girl asked me today if she is wearing too much make-up. I told her my reply depends on whether or not she intends to kill Batman.

1,206

For a very short period of time, you were the youngest person in the world. #mindblowing

1,207

What kind of pizzas can tell the future? Medium Pizzas

1,208

Whenever I put on my Ocean Pacific (op) pants I feel I must say something meaningful.

1,209

If looks could kill, I'd still use a baseball bat.

1,210

If you want to relate to how old people probably feel just imagine that a bowl of soup cost $40 and everybody else acted like that was fine.

1,211

Two Scotsmen walk past a baker One turns to the other and says 'Is that a cake or a meringue?' The other replies 'no you're right, it's a cake'

1,212

What's the difference between a normal pirate and a sexy pirate? The type of booty they plunder.

1,213

Doctor: *taps knee with mallet* feel that? Me: No Doctor: or this? *jabs toe with a pin* Me: Nah Doctor: Just as I suspected. This is my leg

1,214

All women are crazy but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.

1,215

Why is Forrest Gump as a young boy without his leg braces like a Samurai without a master? Because everywhere he went, he was Ronin! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'll see myself out...

1,216

what did the kiwi statue said to the other kiwi statue? statue bro?

1,217

turkey went out of the frying pan and into the fire only for Putin to put them in the oven

1,218

Why did the sperm cross the road? I put on the wrong sock this morning :(

1,219

How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Whatever.

1,220

If I have 5 apples and Jamal take 3, what color is Jamal? Admit it, you're a fucking racist!

1,221

Tried to take a photograph of some fog Mist

1,222

If you don't pay your exorcist You get repossessed

1,223

Sex Joke So an egg walked up to a sperm and said, "You cum here often."

1,224

How long do you think it will take for gays to find out? That a gay marriage is as much an oxymoron as a gay funeral?

1,225

Football is like Sex your mom sucks at both

1,226

Patron: How come this fly is swimming in my soup? Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wading.

1,227

What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? a PILOT, you fucking racist!

1,228

Single and divorced men in their 40's prefer women at their own maturity level. That explains why they date women half their age.

1,229

CNN got really excited about the #TransAsia plane until they found out it's not missing so now they don't care.

1,230

I see dead people. No wait, I take that back. I see people I want dead.

1,231

One woodworm met another. "How's life?" she asked. "Oh same as usual" he replied "boring."

1,232

Some days I want to leave everything and just run away with him. Other days I want to own 3 baby dragons and be fireproof and naked.

1,233

I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.

1,234

What's that thing called when your crush likes you back? Oh yeah. Imagination.

1,235

What cars do wolves drive? Auuuuuuuuuuuuudis!

1,236

What to toilet paper and the starship enterprise have in common? They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons

1,237

The soul weighs 21 grams. We know this because the Jurassic World film reels are 21 grams lighter than Jurassic Park

1,238

South Africa

1,239

If the lever on your toaster breaks off and your bread starts burning, can you pry it out with a butter knife? The answer may shock you.

1,240

[commercial] [man comes home after long day, opens front door and is attacked by 8 cats] MAN: There has to be a better way! Narrator: DOGS

1,241

What's the alien version of Facebook? Spacebook. (It's a terrible joke I know).

1,242

4 out of 5 dentists agree: kill a lion.

1,243

Why are dogs bad at dancing? They have two left feet

1,244

There are few things more awkward on a blind date than looking up from your phone to realise she's left. She obviously wasn't blind at all.

1,245

What do you call rude fungi? Shiit-talking mushrooms

1,246

I don't know what disturbs me more about my attraction towards my girlfriends mother. The fact that she's 51 or the fact that she's also my mother.

1,247

Today is National Pasta Day I have a friend that would have loved today, but sadly she's pastaway

1,248

Difference Between Good Girls And Bad Girls Good Girls Open Few Buttons In Hot Atmosphere, But Bad Girls Open All Buttons To Make The Atmosphere Hot.

1,249

I ate the last piece of flan that my wife and I have been fighting over I won the custardy battle.

1,250

My entire day will be spent laughing at my children because they have to go back to school tomorrow..

1,251

I think my wife has a habit of walking in her sleep Every morning I find her sleeping in someone else's bed.

1,252

What is worse than biting through an apple, and finding a worm inside? ~~Rape~~ The picky fuckers on this website.

1,253

I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World. So I took them to our local fish market, saying, "Shhhh... they're all asleep."

1,254

[first date] Me: *don't let him know you're the Mona Lisa* Him: You look nice tonight Me: *smiles ambiguously*

1,255

Dear Lord, Thank you for these noodles I'm about to eat and the good deal I got buying them in bulk at Costco. RA-MEN!

1,256

What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

1,257

Did you hear the one about the perfume store? I heard their manufacturing was in an ol' factory.

1,258

Why do melons have traditional marriages? Because they cantaloupe

1,259

I was going to major in cosmetology.. ..but then they shut down the space program.. idiots.

1,260

I cant get on Tumblr anymore... My doctor told me to cut down on Trans-Fats

1,261

What does Mr. Miyagi do when he gets home from a date? He wax off

1,262

Apple CEO announces he's gay. Samsung CEO announces he's more gay and water resistant.

1,263

So I asked this swiss dude to tell me something good about living in Switzerland. "Well" he said "the flag is a big plus!"

1,264

Simon: I wrote a song Garfunkel: *reads lyrics* Garfunkel: "I am a rock. I am an island" dude I'm like right here. I thought we were friends

1,265

What game do two strangers with Social Anxiety play? Don't Break the Ice

1,266

Why did the English majors switch to Spanish? (OC) Too many persuasive esses.

1,267

This year for Christmas.. This year for Christmas I got a new shirt and piece of ass from my wife. Figures, they were both too big!!

1,268

What's the Boogeyman's part-time job? BoogeyNAN!

1,269

reckon the clouds look down and say, ''look! that one is shaped like an idiot?''

1,270

What is the longest word in the feminist dictionary? Antidickstablishmentarianism.

1,271

The best part of the birthday notifier on Facebook is, I meet people that I didn't even know were on my friends list.

1,272

Why did the little Dutch boy have to register as a sex offender? He kept on sticking his finger in a tyke.

1,273

After my surgery, the doctor told me I have to pee sitting down. He told me not to lift anything that weighs more than 10 pounds.

1,274

My condolences for you and your family through this difficult transition is why my wife won't let me send back wedding RSVP cards.

1,275

Racism is a subjective matter there are no black and white solutions

1,276

"Only a good guy with a forest fire can prevent forest fires" - Smokey the NRA Bear

1,277

A man walks into a bar... He asks the barman "do you serve women here?" The barman replies "no, sorry, you'll have to bring your own."

1,278

What do you call a powerful, asshole-ish potato? A dick-tater.

1,279

I said to my dyslexic mate, "Guess which band has split up?" He said, "Erm..."

1,280

Cleaning out the garage, I found some things I didn't even realize I had. Like a tent, a new printer, and a fourth kid.

1,281

My penis is so polite..... .....it stands up to give ladies a place to sit down.

1,282

If Frieza is King Cold's son... Does that make him a little Cold?

1,283

Strip club[OC] So I'm at the strip club and this huge breasted woman comes up to me and slaps me silly with her left titty. Guy sitting next to me says,"bet that's gonna leave a lasting mammary."

1,284

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stays up all night wondering if dog exists.

1,285

Don't cut out part of your day to throw out clocks! It's a waste of time!

1,286

I witnessed a murder today.. then I realized it was just a group of crows.

1,287

What's white and drips from the cloud? The coming of the Lord.

1,288

BUSINESS IDEA: CinnaBon-Iver. Delicious pastries filled with scarf scraps and broken pieces of wind chimes.

1,289

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

1,290

My girlfriend told me that having a good sense of humour is really important I told her to message the mods at /r/Jokes

1,291

Start with the answer. What's an easy way to ruin a good joke?

1,292

My life would be a lot easier if when shopping online there was a "Sort by least ugly" option.

1,293

My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, "Wow, that's a pretty big word for a eight year old."

1,294

Even the best men in the Chinese military Have chinks in their armor

1,295

What do you call a dumb nerd? A geek.

1,296

Confession: I'm the one who's been posting all those idiotic comments on youtube using millions of anonymous accounts.

1,297

Why aren't any atheists buying a PS4 Pro? They don't believe in higher power.

1,298

[mouse plane] mouse pilot: hello folks, this is your captain squeaking- *mouse passengers squeal with delight*

1,299

Whats the number one reason for Pedophilia? Sexy children.

1,300

If a white person eats a dessert and no one is around to Instagram it, did it even happen?