ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
1,401	A man got arrested for assaulting someone with a defibrillator. The victim said that he was gonna press charges.
1,402	How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles
1,403	Me: Take this My Uber passenger: holds gun in blood soaked car WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me "Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon"
1,404	Tater Tots is a much better name than the original Crispy Potato Embryos.
1,405	I can't believe that those two are still together after all that shit...
1,406	Have you ever smelled moth balls? Yes? How'd you get their little legs apart? (Courtesy of my dad. Who laughed about this for 30 minutes.)
1,407	I have a joke about couches But it's sofa-cking terrible. You don't want to hear it.
1,408	What's the deal with Drake, first he was an actor now a rapper? Must have been all degrassi was smoking. I'll let myself out.
1,409	After 10 missed calls in a row, I'm tempted to answer the phone just so I can find out who wants to be murdered.
1,410	My friend peed on the floor so he can come into my room. I looked over at him and told him "You're in"
1,411	Why couldn't the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter? Because it was too Win+D
1,412	Say what you want about pedophiles At least they go the speed limit in school zones..
1,413	Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died
1,414	I get my hair cut twice a week. Mostly because I love capes.
1,415	Why did the milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder
1,416	"And now it's time for Guess How Many Belly Rubs I Want! Remember, contestants, guess wrong and you get the claws!" - Cat game shows
1,417	When accused by a woman a man's first instinct is to deny. We're not lying, we're just buying time to remember what you're talking about...
1,418	POLICE: Sir, do you know how fast you were going? ME: Jealous much?
1,419	I'm not saying your mom is fat but she'd be worth a lot more in the UK
1,420	one time I stuck my hand in a jar of jelly beans and when I took it out all the black one stole my rings and watch
1,421	Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic? He wanders through life wondering if there is a dog
1,422	What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A virgin
1,423	When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
1,424	This generation sucks but does it swallow
1,425	What type of train gets fat? A chew chew train...
1,426	What do dyslexic Koreans eat? Gods
1,427	Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn't have known it's summer.
1,428	To spice things up in the bedroom, I have my wife dress up as a pizza boy. Then, I have her put the pizza on the counter and then leave.
1,429	I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion.
1,430	Did you hear about the guy that shits out jars? He's a real glasshole, that guy
1,431	What's the difference between a piano, a tuna fish, and a pot of glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna. ... What about the pot of glue? I knew you'd get stuck.
1,432	What is Red and Smells like Blue Paint? Red Paint
1,433	Wanna hear a Joke about a Jump rope? Nah, let's just skip it.
1,434	Your selfie would be way better if you weren't in it.
1,435	My wife once told me that she ingested fecal matter while in the womb I like to give her crap about it.
1,436	Why did the junkie walk into the pet store? To buy some quack croakaine!
1,437	I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch.
1,438	TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead
1,439	If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she's practising for her next selfie
1,440	*Passing the same coworker in the hallway more than once: Don't look at me, I already said "Hi" to you.
1,441	I met this amazing girl while speed dating. We stayed up all night and day just talking and giggling and I guess speed will do that to you.
1,442	What blood type does a man with bad spelling have? Typo
1,443	How do you know if an Italian person is mute? When you see he has no hands.
1,444	Congratulations, "journalists" who tell celebrity gossip for a living. I didn't know you could get a degree in teenage girl.
1,445	What did the cholo say when two houses fell on top of him? Get off me homes!
1,446	This hasn't helped my bull get any sleep at all. In fact, the closer I get to him with the bulldozer, the more agitated he gets.
1,447	For those who don't speak Spanish: "Cinco de Mayo" means "hold the mayo."
1,448	What's the difference between broccoli and a booger ? little kids won't eat broccoli .
1,449	if ignorance is bliss then racists must feel like they're always on heroin.
1,450	Why do black people have white palms? Everyone has a little good in them.
1,451	Sex is like a gas station..!! Sometime you get full service... Sometimes you gotta ask for service and sometimes you have to be happy with self service.!
1,452	pulls back your shower curtain What did you mean by "creepy"
1,453	Did you hear about the new emo website? Check it out it's www.emo.com/wrists
1,454	why do scuba divers go in the water backwards? because if they go forward they would fall inside the boat.
1,455	How do you make a horomone? You don't pay her. (My mom is sick. Hilarious. But sick. )
1,456	Today i made a mistake while sewing. Oops, wrong thread.
1,457	What did the yogi say after riding his pet llama to the ashram? Llamaste.
1,458	What's the best part about a redneck family fight? The makeup sex
1,459	What does FIAT stand for? Fix It Again Tony
1,460	Girl are you a ringtone? Because you're really annoying and just get louder when I ignore you.
1,461	So I called my friend turkey and I said to him "Turkey, la gente esta muy loca. What the cluck?"
1,462	I went to Oklahoma recently ,It was pretty ok
1,463	If you need your iPhone repaired in Jerusalem, you obviously go to the Genius Bar. There, they don't serve alcohol..., ....but there's plenty of Apple Jews.
1,464	What's the difference between my ex girlfriend and ebola? At least Ebola will finish me off
1,465	Just found out I'm willing to drive 40mph over the speed limit to prevent a PT Cruiser from passing me.
1,466	Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich
1,467	"HULK WANT LOAN." Bank: "We can't loan to people like you." "GREEN SKIN PEOPLE??" Bank: "No, people who owe 2.6M in property damage."
1,468	You know the world is corrupted.... When people buy the 2015 Macbook.
1,469	Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
1,470	What kind of dogs will patrol the Trump wall? Border Collies! I just came up with this after not sleeping for 30+ hours. Sorry for the cheesy goodness.
1,471	The scariest room in a haunted house would be filled with people you haven't seen since high school asking what you've been up to these days
1,472	Horses are very contrarian... No matter what you ask them, all they say is "neigh."
1,473	I just bough t a new pair of sunglasses... So anytime I make a bad pun, I'm gonna put them on and puts on sunglasses Look cool.
1,474	Children with gay fathers as parents, I seriously sympathize you all It's not easy growing up with twice the dad jokes.
1,475	It was fortunate that Hillary had a moderator Lester temper get out of hand.
1,476	Why do Native Americans wear jock straps? TOTEM POLE
1,477	wish I never spent that $20 my grandma gave me when I was 12, I could really use it right now
1,478	What did the Ice Cream say to the Birthday Girl? Go 'head girl, it's sherbert day
1,479	What's Hitlers favorite Pokemon? NEIN-Tails.
1,480	Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I live across the street from a KFC.
1,481	Dear clear high heels, Thank you for helping me figure out who's a stripper and who's not.
1,482	Make it a Great Friday by not getting nailed to a cross.
1,483	netflix First comes netflix then comes chill next comes babby because mommy forgot the pill
1,484	What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
1,485	My niece was fired from the chicken farm today She was caught poaching eggs
1,486	How do like really laid-back types answer the phone? Mellow.
1,487	I was going to grease my mechanic's hand with a $20 bill for the phenomenal job he did but ... he already overcharged me by $200.
1,488	Wanna meet Santa's little helper?
1,489	Did you know you are supposed to pull anal beads out slowly? I didn't... I started the wife up like a f*cking chainsaw.
1,490	[time traveler returns home to 1881] guys i forgot to grab the cure for malaria but here's some...DORITOS LOCOS TACOS [loud cheering]
1,491	What do a horny ornithologist and a Na'vi buff have in common? They both get turned on by blue tits.
1,492	What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic!
1,493	A UDP packet walks into a I would tell you another UDP joke but you might not get it.
1,494	I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
1,495	[NSFW] Why did the priest cum on the little boy's face twice? Because Jesus said to turn the other cheek
1,496	What's the difference? What's the difference between a midget acrobatic team and a girls track team? The midgets are a bunch of cunning runts.
1,497	"I just love a girl in uniform" Appropriate on the battlefield, but not at your local schoolyard.
1,498	Why can't gay people drive while they're aroused? Because they can't think straight.
1,499	What do you call an orc's wolf with particularly short legs? A Worgi
1,500	If you see a glass as half empty, pour it into a smaller glass.

1,401

A man got arrested for assaulting someone with a defibrillator. The victim said that he was gonna press charges.

1,402

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles

1,403

Me: Take this My Uber passenger: *holds gun in blood soaked car* WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me "Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon"

1,404

Tater Tots is a much better name than the original Crispy Potato Embryos.

1,405

I can't believe that those two are still together after all that shit...

1,406

Have you ever smelled moth balls? Yes? How'd you get their little legs apart? (Courtesy of my dad. Who laughed about this for 30 minutes.)

1,407

I have a joke about couches But it's sofa-cking terrible. You don't want to hear it.

1,408

What's the deal with Drake, first he was an actor now a rapper? Must have been all degrassi was smoking. I'll let myself out.

1,409

After 10 missed calls in a row, I'm tempted to answer the phone just so I can find out who wants to be murdered.

1,410

My friend peed on the floor so he can come into my room. I looked over at him and told him "You're in"

1,411

Why couldn't the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter? Because it was too Win+D

1,412

Say what you want about pedophiles At least they go the speed limit in school zones..

1,413

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died

1,414

I get my hair cut twice a week. Mostly because I love capes.

1,415

Why did the milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder

1,416

"And now it's time for Guess How Many Belly Rubs I Want! Remember, contestants, guess wrong and you get the claws!" - Cat game shows

1,417

When accused by a woman a man's first instinct is to deny. We're not lying, we're just buying time to remember what you're talking about...

1,418

POLICE: Sir, do you know how fast you were going? ME: Jealous much?

1,419

I'm not saying your mom is fat but she'd be worth a lot more in the UK

1,420

one time I stuck my hand in a jar of jelly beans and when I took it out all the black one stole my rings and watch

1,421

Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic? He wanders through life wondering if there is a dog

1,422

What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A virgin

1,423

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

1,424

This generation sucks but does it swallow

1,425

What type of train gets fat? A chew chew train...

1,426

What do dyslexic Koreans eat? Gods

1,427

Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn't have known it's summer.

1,428

To spice things up in the bedroom, I have my wife dress up as a pizza boy. Then, I have her put the pizza on the counter and then leave.

1,429

I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion.

1,430

Did you hear about the guy that shits out jars? He's a real glasshole, that guy

1,431

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna fish, and a pot of glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna. ... What about the pot of glue? I knew you'd get stuck.

1,432

What is Red and Smells like Blue Paint? Red Paint

1,433

Wanna hear a Joke about a Jump rope? Nah, let's just skip it.

1,434

Your selfie would be way better if you weren't in it.

1,435

My wife once told me that she ingested fecal matter while in the womb I like to give her crap about it.

1,436

Why did the junkie walk into the pet store? To buy some quack croakaine!

1,437

I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch.

1,438

TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead

1,439

If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she's practising for her next selfie

1,440

*Passing the same coworker in the hallway more than once: Don't look at me, I already said "Hi" to you.

1,441

I met this amazing girl while speed dating. We stayed up all night and day just talking and giggling and I guess speed will do that to you.

1,442

What blood type does a man with bad spelling have? Typo

1,443

How do you know if an Italian person is mute? When you see he has no hands.

1,444

Congratulations, "journalists" who tell celebrity gossip for a living. I didn't know you could get a degree in teenage girl.

1,445

What did the cholo say when two houses fell on top of him? Get off me homes!

1,446

This hasn't helped my bull get any sleep at all. In fact, the closer I get to him with the bulldozer, the more agitated he gets.

1,447

For those who don't speak Spanish: "Cinco de Mayo" means "hold the mayo."

1,448

What's the difference between broccoli and a booger ? little kids won't eat broccoli .

1,449

if ignorance is bliss then racists must feel like they're always on heroin.

1,450

Why do black people have white palms? Everyone has a little good in them.

1,451

Sex is like a gas station..!! Sometime you get full service... Sometimes you gotta ask for service and sometimes you have to be happy with self service.!

1,452

*pulls back your shower curtain* What did you mean by "creepy"

1,453

Did you hear about the new emo website? Check it out it's www.emo.com/wrists

1,454

why do scuba divers go in the water backwards? because if they go forward they would fall inside the boat.

1,455

How do you make a horomone? You don't pay her. (My mom is sick. Hilarious. But sick. )

1,456

Today i made a mistake while sewing. Oops, wrong thread.

1,457

What did the yogi say after riding his pet llama to the ashram? Llamaste.

1,458

What's the best part about a redneck family fight? The makeup sex

1,459

What does FIAT stand for? Fix It Again Tony

1,460

Girl are you a ringtone? Because you're really annoying and just get louder when I ignore you.

1,461

So I called my friend turkey and I said to him "Turkey, la gente esta muy loca. What the cluck?"

1,462

I went to Oklahoma recently ,It was pretty ok

1,463

If you need your iPhone repaired in Jerusalem, you obviously go to the Genius Bar. There, they don't serve alcohol..., ....but there's plenty of Apple Jews.

1,464

What's the difference between my ex girlfriend and ebola? At least Ebola will finish me off

1,465

Just found out I'm willing to drive 40mph over the speed limit to prevent a PT Cruiser from passing me.

1,466

Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich

1,467

"HULK WANT LOAN." Bank: "We can't loan to people like you." "GREEN SKIN PEOPLE??" Bank: "No, people who owe 2.6M in property damage."

1,468

You know the world is corrupted.... When people buy the 2015 Macbook.

1,469

Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.

1,470

What kind of dogs will patrol the Trump wall? Border Collies! I just came up with this after not sleeping for 30+ hours. Sorry for the cheesy goodness.

1,471

The scariest room in a haunted house would be filled with people you haven't seen since high school asking what you've been up to these days

1,472

Horses are very contrarian... No matter what you ask them, all they say is "neigh."

1,473

I just bough t a new pair of sunglasses... So anytime I make a bad pun, I'm gonna put them on and *puts on sunglasses* Look cool.

1,474

Children with gay fathers as parents, I seriously sympathize you all It's not easy growing up with twice the dad jokes.

1,475

It was fortunate that Hillary had a moderator Lester temper get out of hand.

1,476

Why do Native Americans wear jock straps? TOTEM POLE

1,477

wish I never spent that $20 my grandma gave me when I was 12, I could really use it right now

1,478

What did the Ice Cream say to the Birthday Girl? Go 'head girl, it's sherbert day

1,479

What's Hitlers favorite Pokemon? NEIN-Tails.

1,480

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I live across the street from a KFC.

1,481

Dear clear high heels, Thank you for helping me figure out who's a stripper and who's not.

1,482

Make it a Great Friday by not getting nailed to a cross.

1,483

netflix First comes netflix then comes chill next comes babby because mommy forgot the pill

1,484

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.

1,485

My niece was fired from the chicken farm today She was caught poaching eggs

1,486

How do like really laid-back types answer the phone? Mellow.

1,487

I was going to grease my mechanic's hand with a $20 bill for the phenomenal job he did but ... he already overcharged me by $200.

1,488

Wanna meet Santa's little helper?

1,489

Did you know you are supposed to pull anal beads out slowly? I didn't... I started the wife up like a f*cking chainsaw.

1,490

[time traveler returns home to 1881] guys i forgot to grab the cure for malaria but here's some...DORITOS LOCOS TACOS [loud cheering]

1,491

What do a horny ornithologist and a Na'vi buff have in common? They both get turned on by blue tits.

1,492

What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic!

1,493

A UDP packet walks into a I would tell you another UDP joke but you might not get it.

1,494

I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.

1,495

[NSFW] Why did the priest cum on the little boy's face twice? Because Jesus said to turn the other cheek

1,496

What's the difference? What's the difference between a midget acrobatic team and a girls track team? The midgets are a bunch of cunning runts.

1,497

"I just love a girl in uniform" Appropriate on the battlefield, but not at your local schoolyard.

1,498

Why can't gay people drive while they're aroused? Because they can't think straight.

1,499

What do you call an orc's wolf with particularly short legs? A Worgi

1,500

If you see a glass as half empty, pour it into a smaller glass.