ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
1,001	Thought I saw a walking burrito but it was just a pug in a raincoat.
1,002	How are babies different from feminists? Babies grow up and stop crying.
1,003	What do you call a donkey that falls into a pile of sugar? A Sweet Ass ( )
1,004	Cops are looking for a man who robbed a store using scissors. They say the guy could be a real danger--unless you have a rock.
1,005	Can't believe my neighbors don't have any rum. How am I supposed to enjoy their hot tub while they're on vacation?
1,006	People who try to beat you when walking into a store. No.
1,007	I hate people who think it's cool to take drugs ...like customs officers
1,008	Why kind of cigarettes do Hawaiians smoke? Mahalo bro lights.
1,009	Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn't have borrowed all that money.
1,010	Me: pouts at front facing camera Front facing camera: I have a girlfriend.
1,011	Flavor Flav turns 51 today. He'll spend a quiet day at home, still resting up after a weekend of moving clocks forward.
1,012	Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? Because his wife is dead.
1,013	Ate a salad for lunch so basically I didn't eat lunch.
1,014	I only date right handed women... Righty tighty, lefty loosey
1,015	What do you feed a disappearing cat? Evaporated milk
1,016	"This birthday cake certainly is crunchy." "Maybe you should spit out the plate!"
1,017	Toilet stolen from police station Cops have nothing to go on.
1,018	In honour of Back To The Future, I just went back in time one hour. That's the joke.
1,019	How do you spot a blind man at a nudist colony? It's not hard.
1,020	[describing a chair] it's like a swing without all the drama
1,021	So, this baby seal walks into a club... [o(;_;)o](http://youtu.be/TK2TuqcNWPY?t=30s)
1,022	The band The Doors have decided to change their name after the next member dies It's gonna be Three Doors Down.
1,023	How much does a corpse weigh? A skele-ton
1,024	I'm pretty sure I have all of those countless hours spent playing Tetris to thank for my mad dishwasher loading skills.
1,025	If you're behind someone at an ATM late night, let them know you're not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
1,026	Kill me once, shame on me. Kill me twice, shaman you.
1,027	Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
1,028	How does the moon cut his hair? 'Eclipse it Thought it was relevant to today's eclipse...
1,029	3 Old Women and a Flasher Three old women are sitting on a park bench when a man comes by and flashes them. Two of them have a stroke, and the third one couldn't reach.
1,030	Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years? It was stuffed.
1,031	I'm worried about my friend My friend has just be diagnosed as a Polaroid Schizophrenic. It developed quickly.
1,032	Is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, I might vote for it.
1,033	What do you call it when a Cat wins a Dogshow? Cat-has-trophy. Such punny. Much Cringe.
1,034	I dont care or think about the people in my past... there is some reason why they didn't make it to my future!
1,035	You know what jokes are the worst? Lesbian jokes. Those are for pussies.
1,036	I figure I must be Bi-sexual. I have sex twice a year.
1,037	What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this!
1,038	Whats long, green, and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.
1,039	TOP TEN REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN RELIGION
1,040	Every time student loan rates double, the price of solo cups should get cut in half.
1,041	What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle? Beef Strokenoff
1,042	Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down a hill and turned into a field
1,043	Why do Communists only drink coffee? Because proper tea is theft.
1,044	Man died after crushing against a mirror Witnesses said: "he saw it coming"
1,045	How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up behind it
1,046	I've decided to fight my addiction I'm not posting on reddit until next year
1,047	I am sick and tired of women jokes!! period!
1,048	Apologies your honor [slides ventriloquist dummy back under my seat] I was told these proceedings were going to be televised.
1,049	I like asking girls if I can buy them a drink and when they say yes I yell "YOU DON'T KNOW MY FINANCIAL SITUATION" and run away.
1,050	People who say "in and of itself" are responsible for most of the trouble in the world.
1,051	I didn't know what to wear the the premature ejaculators meeting... So I just came in my pants.
1,052	My weather forecast is always "room temperature."
1,053	Another poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.
1,054	Funny that when a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she's considered a slut ... but when I do it I'm gay.
1,055	Did you know that men are more successful than women in committing suicides? Ladies, can you gals do anything right?
1,056	Of course he's going to get re-elected, because once you go Black...
1,057	Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.
1,058	The last US election had a candidate called Mitt, a devout Catholic and a candidate called Newt, a serial adulterer. One was against same sex marriage and the other was against same marriage sex.
1,059	Made a hiking playlist earlier called trail mix It has a lot of eminem in it
1,060	How do you tell who the extroverted engineers are? They're the ones who look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.
1,061	What do you call a tight asshole? a noose
1,062	Damn girl, are you a pig? Because your mother looks like a pig. Because you look damn hot bacon in the Sun. Because I want to stuff you like Thanksgiving dinner. . . . More suggestions appreciated
1,063	Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
1,064	Milk toast was probably named by same lazy guy that named the fireplace and waterfall.
1,065	If you want to set up and run a small company... ...that's your business
1,066	Everyone needs a three hour nap after their breakfast pizza, right?
1,067	I was sitting on the train this morning, and I saw a really sexy Thai girl I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection", but she did.
1,068	My boyfriend and I are Cherokee Indians. He stood me up at our favorite restaurant last night... But it's OK. I don't think we could have stayed anyway, we didn't have a reservation.
1,069	How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
1,070	I saw a tweet saying liberals should create their own Captain America. They did. In 1940.
1,071	My wife's credit card got stolen and she doesn't know how... I do, I've been praying for a financial miracle.
1,072	Why did the noodles go to rehab? To get yakisoba.
1,073	Hey dude! Would we be considered in-laws if I slept with your wife? No... we'd be even.
1,074	Since I started dating my girlfriend a year ago I became a millionaire! 6 months ago I was a billionaire :(
1,075	What does Lamar Odom have in common with a hooker? Excellent ball control.
1,076	How do you tell the difference between a meth head and a hillbilly? The meth head still has teeth.
1,077	I walked in on my wife singing the other day. Surprised, I said "Oh, I thought you were the radio." Flattered, she asked "Did you come to listen?" "No," I replied, "I came to turn it off."
1,078	How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
1,079	My girlfriend caught me cross-dressing So I packed up her clothes and left
1,080	So I'm still newish around here... What are the rules about Canadians? Does everybody get one? Do I get to choose? Where do I sign up?
1,081	I have a Victoria's Secret model's body!! (in my basement)
1,082	What do you call a slutty camera? A loose Canon.
1,083	What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history? American Snipper
1,084	What do you call a bowl full of leaves and epileptics? Seizure Salad.
1,085	Instead of God, try worshipping a golf cart for a few years and see if it makes any difference.
1,086	I think the only thing a bike helmet protects you from is getting laid
1,087	What did Patrick Stewart say when he proposed to his wife? Engage.
1,088	Animals that lose their tails visit the retail store.
1,089	Whats the difference between a boy scout and a jew? The boy scout returns home from the camp.
1,090	A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre... so he gives it to her
1,091	A wavy guitarist has a low self esteem He just wanted to B-flat
1,092	Tried to cash in on this kid joke thing. My daughter is a disappointment. Why did the skeleton cross the road? He didn't because he doesn't have skin and he just fell apart.
1,093	What happens when a Chinese man with a boner runs into a wall? He breaks his nose.
1,094	No thanks resolutions, if I wanted to be reminded of everything I didn't follow through on at the end of the year, I'd get married again.
1,095	Why does Germany have so many different kinds of bread? Well, we had to do something with the ovens.
1,096	Just finished painting my bedroom in under ten minutes using vinyl Surely that's some kind of record.
1,097	Q: How do spies send secret messages in a forest? A: By moss code.
1,098	What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Hoblin Goblin.
1,099	Why was the detective excited when he found a thimble sized crown? He was looking for Finger Prince. (Say it out loud if you don't get it.)
1,100	Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals? Zoos

1,001

Thought I saw a walking burrito but it was just a pug in a raincoat.

1,002

How are babies different from feminists? Babies grow up and stop crying.

1,003

What do you call a donkey that falls into a pile of sugar? A Sweet Ass ( )

1,004

Cops are looking for a man who robbed a store using scissors. They say the guy could be a real danger--unless you have a rock.

1,005

Can't believe my neighbors don't have any rum. How am I supposed to enjoy their hot tub while they're on vacation?

1,006

People who try to beat you when walking into a store. No.

1,007

I hate people who think it's cool to take drugs ...like customs officers

1,008

Why kind of cigarettes do Hawaiians smoke? Mahalo bro lights.

1,009

Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn't have borrowed all that money.

1,010

Me: *pouts at front facing camera* Front facing camera: I have a girlfriend.

1,011

Flavor Flav turns 51 today. He'll spend a quiet day at home, still resting up after a weekend of moving clocks forward.

1,012

Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? Because his wife is dead.

1,013

Ate a salad for lunch so basically I didn't eat lunch.

1,014

I only date right handed women... Righty tighty, lefty loosey

1,015

What do you feed a disappearing cat? Evaporated milk

1,016

"This birthday cake certainly is crunchy." "Maybe you should spit out the plate!"

1,017

Toilet stolen from police station Cops have nothing to go on.

1,018

In honour of Back To The Future, I just went back in time one hour. That's the joke.

1,019

How do you spot a blind man at a nudist colony? It's not hard.

1,020

[describing a chair] it's like a swing without all the drama

1,021

So, this baby seal walks into a club... [o(;_;)o](http://youtu.be/TK2TuqcNWPY?t=30s)

1,022

The band The Doors have decided to change their name after the next member dies It's gonna be Three Doors Down.

1,023

How much does a corpse weigh? A skele-ton

1,024

I'm pretty sure I have all of those countless hours spent playing Tetris to thank for my mad dishwasher loading skills.

1,025

If you're behind someone at an ATM late night, let them know you're not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.

1,026

Kill me once, shame on me. Kill me twice, shaman you.

1,027

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

1,028

How does the moon cut his hair? 'Eclipse it Thought it was relevant to today's eclipse...

1,029

3 Old Women and a Flasher Three old women are sitting on a park bench when a man comes by and flashes them. Two of them have a stroke, and the third one couldn't reach.

1,030

Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years? It was stuffed.

1,031

I'm worried about my friend My friend has just be diagnosed as a Polaroid Schizophrenic. It developed quickly.

1,032

Is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, I might vote for it.

1,033

What do you call it when a Cat wins a Dogshow? Cat-has-trophy. Such punny. Much Cringe.

1,034

I dont care or think about the people in my past... there is some reason why they didn't make it to my future!

1,035

You know what jokes are the worst? Lesbian jokes. Those are for pussies.

1,036

I figure I must be Bi-sexual. I have sex twice a year.

1,037

What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this!

1,038

Whats long, green, and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.

1,039

TOP TEN REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN RELIGION

1,040

Every time student loan rates double, the price of solo cups should get cut in half.

1,041

What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle? Beef Strokenoff

1,042

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down a hill and turned into a field

1,043

Why do Communists only drink coffee? Because proper tea is theft.

1,044

Man died after crushing against a mirror Witnesses said: "he saw it coming"

1,045

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up behind it

1,046

I've decided to fight my addiction I'm not posting on reddit until next year

1,047

I am sick and tired of women jokes!! period!

1,048

Apologies your honor [slides ventriloquist dummy back under my seat] I was told these proceedings were going to be televised.

1,049

I like asking girls if I can buy them a drink and when they say yes I yell "YOU DON'T KNOW MY FINANCIAL SITUATION" and run away.

1,050

People who say "in and of itself" are responsible for most of the trouble in the world.

1,051

I didn't know what to wear the the premature ejaculators meeting... So I just came in my pants.

1,052

My weather forecast is always "room temperature."

1,053

Another poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.

1,054

Funny that when a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she's considered a slut ... but when I do it I'm gay.

1,055

Did you know that men are more successful than women in committing suicides? Ladies, can you gals do anything right?

1,056

Of course he's going to get re-elected, because once you go Black...

1,057

Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.

1,058

The last US election had a candidate called Mitt, a devout Catholic and a candidate called Newt, a serial adulterer. One was against same sex marriage and the other was against same marriage sex.

1,059

Made a hiking playlist earlier called trail mix It has a lot of eminem in it

1,060

How do you tell who the extroverted engineers are? They're the ones who look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.

1,061

What do you call a tight asshole? a noose

1,062

Damn girl, are you a pig? Because your mother looks like a pig. Because you look damn hot bacon in the Sun. Because I want to stuff you like Thanksgiving dinner. . . . More suggestions appreciated

1,063

Insomnia causes questionable browser history.

1,064

Milk toast was probably named by same lazy guy that named the fireplace and waterfall.

1,065

If you want to set up and run a small company... ...that's your business

1,066

Everyone needs a three hour nap after their breakfast pizza, right?

1,067

I was sitting on the train this morning, and I saw a really sexy Thai girl I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection", but she did.

1,068

My boyfriend and I are Cherokee Indians. He stood me up at our favorite restaurant last night... But it's OK. I don't think we could have stayed anyway, we didn't have a reservation.

1,069

How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

1,070

I saw a tweet saying liberals should create their own Captain America. They did. In 1940.

1,071

My wife's credit card got stolen and she doesn't know how... I do, I've been praying for a financial miracle.

1,072

Why did the noodles go to rehab? To get yakisoba.

1,073

Hey dude! Would we be considered in-laws if I slept with your wife? No... we'd be even.

1,074

Since I started dating my girlfriend a year ago I became a millionaire! 6 months ago I was a billionaire :(

1,075

What does Lamar Odom have in common with a hooker? Excellent ball control.

1,076

How do you tell the difference between a meth head and a hillbilly? The meth head still has teeth.

1,077

I walked in on my wife singing the other day. Surprised, I said "Oh, I thought you were the radio." Flattered, she asked "Did you come to listen?" "No," I replied, "I came to turn it off."

1,078

How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.

1,079

My girlfriend caught me cross-dressing So I packed up her clothes and left

1,080

So I'm still newish around here... What are the rules about Canadians? Does everybody get one? Do I get to choose? Where do I sign up?

1,081

I have a Victoria's Secret model's body!! (in my basement)

1,082

What do you call a slutty camera? A loose Canon.

1,083

What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history? American Snipper

1,084

What do you call a bowl full of leaves and epileptics? Seizure Salad.

1,085

Instead of God, try worshipping a golf cart for a few years and see if it makes any difference.

1,086

I think the only thing a bike helmet protects you from is getting laid

1,087

What did Patrick Stewart say when he proposed to his wife? Engage.

1,088

Animals that lose their tails visit the retail store.

1,089

Whats the difference between a boy scout and a jew? The boy scout returns home from the camp.

1,090

A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre... so he gives it to her

1,091

A wavy guitarist has a low self esteem He just wanted to B-flat

1,092

Tried to cash in on this kid joke thing. My daughter is a disappointment. Why did the skeleton cross the road? He didn't because he doesn't have skin and he just fell apart.

1,093

What happens when a Chinese man with a boner runs into a wall? He breaks his nose.

1,094

No thanks resolutions, if I wanted to be reminded of everything I didn't follow through on at the end of the year, I'd get married again.

1,095

Why does Germany have so many different kinds of bread? Well, we had to do something with the ovens.

1,096

Just finished painting my bedroom in under ten minutes using vinyl Surely that's some kind of record.

1,097

Q: How do spies send secret messages in a forest? A: By moss code.

1,098

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Hoblin Goblin.

1,099

Why was the detective excited when he found a thimble sized crown? He was looking for Finger Prince. (Say it out loud if you don't get it.)

1,100

Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals? Zoos