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To be honest she is very lazy and does not train her dog or bring it outside. He shots and pees all over their house and she doesn’t care. She wants to bring the dog because she refuses to put it in a kennel. She asks all the time and makes up a sob story on why she needs to bring him. I told her If she started actually taking care of her dog that he could come. My friend told me I was an asshole for causing a family member to be inconvenienced and that I judged the way she cared for her dog. ###### | NTA. That’s a big inconvenience and mess to impose on someone. ###### |
I've been with my gf S for 4 years, living together for 2. Off the start of the relationship I knew she was a picky eater. We would go to fancy restaurants and she would order the simplest things or the same things over and over. It seemed weird to me but I didn't really care,she can do whatever she wants. I only really realized how annoying this is when we moved in together.
Now I on the other part I'm the opposite. I like to try new foods, new tastes and get a better idea of food in general. I also love cooking and have a culinary arts degree (I wanted to become a chef but I didn't for other reasons). So you can assume that I do almost all the cooking at home. You can see where this is going.
Only when I started cooking for S did I realize how picky of an eater she is. She hates almost everything, even if she can't really taste it in the end product. To give you some examples:
She hates cinnamon.
She hates garlic.
She hates any kind of spice. (clove, nutmeg etc)
Yesterday I was making a Spanish omelet and she complained when I added the tiniest pinch of thyme in there. Because of all the ingredients I put in there she is gonna taste the pinch of thyme in there.
I made a white chocolate mousse and she complained when I layerd it with oreos(!) and strawberries, because she apparently doesn't like oreos.
No amount of zest can go into our food whether that be orange or lemon zest bacsuse it apparently tastes bitter.
She hates spicy food.
She only eats stakes or whatever well done. If there's the tiniest amount of pink in there it's raw. (I've destroyed so many good stakes in the past cooking them well done).
I could go on about this she doesn't like but we'd be here all day. Last night she asked me to cook dinner but I refused. When she asked why I explained that it's frustrating to cook for a person with the tastebuds of a 5 year old, and that she can order takeout from now on. So reddit WIBTA if I stopped cooking for her? ###### | NTA. That's ridiculous. I don't prepare separate meals for the kids in our house when I cook. If I'm cooking everyone is getting what's prepared. If she doesn't like what you cook she can cook herself. ###### |
First off I'll explain our family. When I met my husband he had a 3 year old daughter from a previous relationship. Her name is Alexandra. I married Alex's dad when she was five. So technically I'm her step mom. Alex's mom is also remarried. She calls both me and her bio mom "mom" and both my husband and her step dad "dad". All four of us think of her as a daughter and she lives with her mom and stepdad 50% of the time and me and my husband the other 50% of the time. Basically she has two sets of parents. Sorry if i worded it confusing.
I don't really have any problems with Alex's mom even though she is a bit on the conservative side. Meaning she thinks tampons take your virginity. She has told Alex that she doesn't want her using them. The problem is that Alex is 14 now and wants to by on the swim team when the schools reopen. Me and my husband also have a pool in the backyard and swim a lot in the summers. She says that she doesn't like being the only one who can't swim when she's on her period.
One day Alex was staying at our house and she told me how worried she was about having to deal with her period when she starts the swim team. She also disclosed to me that it's not fair that all of her other friends get to use tampons.
Later that night I bought her a box. I told her that they would stay at our house in the bathroom and she could use them whenever she needs them for swimming. And said that her mom didn't have to know. I feel back and have never gone behind her bio mom's back like that before. However, I grew up with a conservative mom like that. I understand that it can lead to things that cause embarrassment (for instance swimming in a pad). I didn't want Alex to have to go through something like that like I did.
I feel like I did right by my daughter but still feel a bit of guilt. Aita? ###### | NTA. That's not how virginity works and if dad says OK, you're good. Just make sure she doesn't forget she is wearing one when she leaves your house. ###### |
My (25M) girlfriend (25F) of a year and a half just moved into my apartment two or three weeks ago.
She usually orders takeout, but last night she decided she wanted to start cooking for herself.
I walk into the kitchen and see she has a piece of raw chicken in the sink, so I ask her not to do that since it'll get bacteria on the sink and anything else that goes in there. Instead of taking it out and using the bowl I sat next to her, she picks it up and turns on the faucet trying to wash it, as I saw my life flashing before my eyes, splashing water all over the place, and I say you're not supposed to wash chicken because it spreads bacteria, as she says "what bacteria?". She then takes one hand off of the chicken and uses it to turn off the faucet, the whole time I'm saying she could have gotten salmonella all over the sink/counter/faucet as she takes the chicken to my cutting board table I use to cut fruit, places the chicken down, and walks over to the fridge (without washing her hands), opens it with her still wet hand, as she starts rummaging through the fruit/vegi drawer. I tell her she's going to have to wash the handle now and any think else she touched because that could become a breeding ground for bacteria as she yells "stop pissing me off and just leave me alone, I guarantee you any chicken you've eating at a restaurant was made the same way ". So I did.
I went to the bedroom and an hour later I hear her eating and talking on facetime when she tells the person how "I went psycho over some f\*cking chicken", "followed her around telling her how to cook her own dinner" and how I "need a reality check".
I feel like ass for bringing it up since she was only trying to cook herself dinner, and I'm not generally a germaphobe, but this is just one of those things.
AITA/a germaphobe psycho who needs to chill? ###### | NTA. That's a huge sanitation issue. Also I can guarantee you an restaurant caught handling chicken like that would be slapped with a major fine for breach of food handling practices. I would honestly toss anything in the fruit and veg draw, salmonella isn't worth the risk. ###### |
I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to this, but here it goes anyway:
After 20 years of being a content screw-up, I finally decided to better myself and finish college. After earning my bachelor’s, I immediately went to grad school and earned my MBA this May.
Anyway, around the same time I initially decided to go back to school, my bro-in-law also decided to go back. He decided to pursue an associate’s degree in a trade.
Seeing as how he wasn’t working while he was going to school, he finished in two years. However, I was working full-time so it took me 7 years to finish both my bachelor’s and my MBA (I had finished most of my generals my first go-around 20 years earlier). I only say this because he would always make comments about how I’m ‘sure taking my time’ and how he finished way before me.
My family had a little celebration for me a few weeks ago and he kept making comments about how I’m finally his equal (emphasis on finally) and joined the ranks as a college graduate.
I didn’t say anything (nor would I) because I don’t want to diminish his accomplishment. At the same time, I can’t help but feel annoyed that he doesn’t seem to get that I had to put in a lot more work to get my degrees.
I guess it bothers me that I feel this way. After all, to him, his associate’s degree is a huge deal (and it is).
So, AIT(elitist)A?
TLDR: My bro-in-law keeps equating his associate’s degree to my master’s, and it bothers me. ###### | NTA. That must be super annoying, but good for you for keeping your mouth closed and taking the high road. That says a lot about your character. Everyone else knows how hard you worked for your degree. ###### |
This sounds ridiculous but here goes!
I (26f) will be eating sometimes (lunch or dinner) and my husband (26m) or our son (18m ), if they aren’t eating or have already finished, will take food off of my plate and feed it to our dog.
It happened last night, I am a slow eater and finished after my husband. We were talking while I finished and he grabbed a piece of chicken from my plate and tossed it to the dog. I asked him why he would do that and he just laughed, I don’t think he understood that it actually bothered me but his reaction made me feel like I was being crazy.
But just now, I was eating lunch (we are all working from home/schooling hasn’t started) when my son came in and scooped up some of my chips and fed them to the dog. Again, I was upset so I asked why he would do that. His reaction was the same, that it was funny and he didn’t think I actually cared.
I feel like an asshole but also, I don’t like that they keep taking food from my plate? It wouldn’t ever even cross my mind to take food from their plates? Also, they do this all the time but usually to eat it themselves, and I didn’t mind as much before because I want them to be full. But the dog has food and table food isn’t good for his stomach anyway so that seems to bother me even more? I don’t know. Am I an asshole?
Edit to add: Son is 18 years old and adopted— sorry I should have clarified. ###### | NTA. That is your food on your plate. If they want to feed the dog then they need to do it from their own plate. Besides that, they risk the dog getting sick. Doggy diarrhea isn't fun to clean up. Next time one of them does it jab them with a fork (that's how my grandma taught her kids to not reach in front of her at the table and to not take food off of her plate). ###### |
Throwaway.
My wife and I have an 8 year old daughter. I’ll preface this by saying she is slightly chubby, however I feel as though this is par for the course for her age.
For the past few months, there have been several events that struck me as odd. What stuck out most to me was when a parent told me that she had “ruined” her friend’s birthday party by lecturing the other kids on the dangers of eating cake, and overall how squirrelly she gets when I offer her a bite of a snack or ask if she wants seconds.
Recently, as I’ve been around her more, I’ve noticed her mannerisms. She always pulls at her shirt, hunched over, etc. So today, I asked her if anything was wrong, and she told me that she was fat. I asked her why she thought that, and she flat-out said “mommy told me”.
I was livid. I went straight to my wife and asked her if it was true. She said yes. I, calmly, asked her why she would say such a thing to an 8 year old. She told me what she’d said before, about how she was fat as a child and her mother lied about it. She said her mother would scream and punish her if she so much as mentioned she wanted to lose weight, and how she had to find out from nasty comments by other kids at school that she was fat. She finished with “I’ll be damned if I ever let that happen to our daughter”
I said “well, good job. You fucked her up for the rest of her life. How dare you say that to your own daughter”. She said “oh trust me, it would’ve been worse if she had to find out from other kids”. We went on for a while. I realized that she truly believed she was justified, body shaming and putting an 8 year old on a diet.
I am still extremely mad about this. AITA for being angry at my wife? ###### | NTA. That is scarring and can lead to eating disorders. Trust me, I know. Putting her on a diet is not the answer, just teach her about healthy foods, portions, and exercise and do it TOGETHER. Telling her she is fat is appalling. I would be LIVID and I know first hand the effect that has on self esteem, confidence, social skills, and body image. Seek counseling for her (maybe even family counseling). And hug your little girl and tell her she is beautiful please... 💜 ###### |
back story. so i've been at home because of quarantine, and decided to try grilling, burger mostly. my neighbor who is vegan and i know this for a long time. so 2 days ago i made burgers for my family, after we ate i started cleaning up the grilling stuff. and my neighbor walks outside and says "i have to stop grilling because the smell of meat is disturbing her". we both have Very big yards and i dont grill near her fence.
WEBTA if i still grill? ###### | NTA. Tell your neighbor she needs to stop speaking to you because the sound is disturbing to you. ###### |
My sister and I were paying the ALL utilities/food and giving my mom $300 towards the mortgage, and she was covering the rest. Summer 2018, we get evicted from our longtime home as she wasn't paying the mortgage. I took out two private school loans to get us a place to live during my last year of college. Basically I took out money for what would be room and board for Jr and Sr year. I used that money and put a large upfront payment on an townhouse for us to rent while I finished college.
College finished, I got a job making $73k/yr. During senior year of college I was able to save up a bit of cash, seeing as we are living on loans. I used that cash as downpayment/closing-costs and bought back our foreclosed home from the bank.
​
Its going to be a year since we moved back in, and I am absolutely miserable. My sister and mother both lost their jobs. My sister has picked up job doing writing but it equates to like $12k/year. My mother is collecting widows social security, and a pension, its like $30k/year.
​
I'm footing the entire mortgage and electricity bill. I am fucking miserable, and I can't stand living with them anymore. I'm fairly certain they're miserable too but I don't know how to fix it for them. I want sell the house separate from them financially, but there quality of life would suffer greatly. Maybe live in poverty areas, if not be completely homeless. WIBTA if I did this? ###### | NTA. Tell them you have footed the bill for X number of years and you are done. They need to find a place to live. Give them notice. You will be putting the house up for sale in 30 days. ###### |
So basically I'm french so sorry for the fault. My neighbor had a cat and was breeding dogs to sell them and the dogs didn't love the cat. So sometimes she was coming home, eat and walk in the field next to our house. And one day the cat was overturn by a car and was in a bad situation and she decided to see us and not to the cat owner. And when we take her to the vets her owners wouldn't pay for the bills !!!
The vet said to us that we can keep the cat and they will pay for it. So we decided to take her home and when the kids came to our house they said that we stole their cat !!!
So am I the Asshole for keeping my neighbor cat's ###### | NTA. Tell the kids that the cat chose you for its owners, as you are feeding It and taking it to the vet. I know norms may be different in France, if that is where you are, but it is much safer for cats to be indoors, as your poor kitty can attest to. Dangerous things like cars, wild animals, diseases, even domestic dogs can end a cat’s life. ###### |
My husband is working from home, I’m a stay at home mom, although I do freelance graphic design.
At work, my husband had a secretary/assistant(he flip flops on what he calls her) that he apparently relies on very heavily. Because when he started working from home he started asking me to write things down for him, remind him to call people, he even asked me to cancel a meeting for him(I don’t actually even have the ability to do that). He asks me to send emails for him(also can’t do that).
Our son is home and I’m homeschooling him, and also having to keep him entertained during the day, and while that’s not a full time job, it would prevent me from doing all the things my husband asks for even if I wanted to.
I figured he was just having trouble adjusting and just continued his natural work flow, which happened to end up with him asking me to do things. But he never stopped so last week I asked him to stop asking me to do things.
Today I sat him down and had a longer conversation that half the things he asks are not possible for me to do, and I don’t like feeling like his assistant, so I want him to stop.
He got annoyed and asked if I could just do the simple ones, and it’s only fair. I don’t understand what would be fair about it, but then he said he had a meeting and walked away. AITA? ###### | NTA. Teaching *is* a full time job. Plus you do freelance. Has he considered asking his assistant to assist remotely? ###### |
My brother and his girlfriend are expecting their first child, she’s very early on in the pregnancy.
We had a family meal not too long ago and I asked my brothers girlfriend how she was handling the pregnancy and if she was concerned about the babies future health?
She paused and asked what I meant so I told her; my sister has type 1 diabetes, both my parents have type 2 along with heart problems, my parents and sister have eye sight problems, my mother suffers from borderline personality whilst my father has an addictive personality (alcohol and gambling) one of my brothers has BPD, two of my brothers have autism as well, my grandfather had schizophrenia and my aunt had epilepsy.
Apparently my brother had told her precisely none of this and now she’s freaking out and considering terminating over it.
I’ve been getting texts from family that I’ve crossed a line and shouldn’t have told her, that I should’ve pulled my brother aside and asked him if he’d told her, some are telling me if she goes ahead with ending the pregnancy they don’t want to be in my life.
I myself have decided not to have biological children due to my family’s medical history.
AITA? ###### | NTA. Take it from me, it's far better that you told her something that is extremely important like family medical hsitory now than for her to find out after the kid is born. My mom never forgave my dad & his side of the family for not telling her the family medical history until I (the youngest) was 4, and from the great aunt who married into the family no less. ###### |
So for a while now I’ve owned two horses, mine and my daughters (13F) and they’re about 4 now.
2 years ago my sister got her daughter a horse, my niece is 12 now.
They usually only visit Fri,Sat & Sun for about 2hours so I usually let them into the field of a morning, groom them and put them away of a night which I charge £30 every two weeks.
(The field isn’t attached to our house, it’s on the other side of the road.)
We’re planning on moving, its a 5hr 12min drive meaning my sister couldn’t drive here as frequently and she can’t afford to rent the field her daughters horse is in currently.
I told her I’d keep her horse up here for her daughter for £160 a month which includes caring for the horse.
She’s offered to sell me the horse.
I’m considering it, I did say I’d be willing to pick her daughter up for the weekends but that isn’t possible as the weekends are my nieces fathers custody agreement.
I’ve been getting called/texted by family members saying what an AH I am for exploiting family/stealing my nieces horse when I can afford to do it for free especially while she’s going through a hard time (her parents divorced)
WIBTA? ###### | NTA. Sounds like they don’t have much of an alternative. It also sounds like she wouldn’t be able to see the horse often whether she owned it or you owned it. Divorce sucks for kids. ###### |
I can’t exactly remember how it got to this but my mom and I were talking about the house were living in and she said “And then when you move out I can come live with you” and I said “Oh I don’t really want you to live with me” and she got mad and was like “Do you not care about me and want to take care of me?” And like yeah I do care about her I just don’t want to have her live with me when I have my own house. It’s MY own house. She was talking about how she can’t do her job forever. She’s a 51 year old fitness trainer. Her knees are fucked up and she’s not gonna be able to do it for long and she knows that. She said “I’m not gonna get a new job once I can’t do this one. Are you not gonna take care of me?” I see it as her fault for choosing that as her only job or whatever. Anyways yeah that’s all I gotta say ###### | NTA. Sounds like the two of you can discuss things, so when she talks about not being a fitness trainer forever, tell her now's the time to retrain for a second career. If she can prove she is disabled at her current occupation, she might be able to get college tuition from a disability agency. A couple of semesters and certifications in office work, for instance, might get her started.
Anyway, moving into one's own place is a step in becoming fully yourself. Don't be guilted out of that. ###### |
I've dated a girl for a few months. I'm her first since her husband of 2 weeks died a year ago this July.
She wants to bring this kid along, but doesn't want her husband's family to know she's dating, so we can't flirt, hold hands, kiss etc. with him around.
Because of that, I said we can't bring him unless she can tell him about us. She can't tell him, but already promised the kid he'd join us. I told her she'd have to go without me if she's gonna bring him.
It might be worth to mention she's got a couple of friends with us to disguise the fact that she's travelling with her new boyfriend.
So, am I the asshole here, or is my decision fair? ###### | NTA. Sounds like she isn’t ready to do this yet. Also, as a side note, it may be more polite to refer to him as her deceased husband. “Dead exhusband” makes it sound like they were divorced, and that doesn’t appear to be the case. ###### |
My wife is a professional level chef, or I guess was. Anyway, I usually cook on weekends and Fridays, and she cooks during the rest of the week.
The thing is, when she sees me cooking, she always tries to help me. Like, I don’t add enough salt, then she adds more salt. It’s super annoying, and I’ve told her to stop that or else I wouldn’t cook about a hundred times. I decided to stop last Sunday. Now, she’s getting mad at me. She says that I’m throwing a tantrum.
I’m not. I’m just keeping up my words for once. If she changes, then I’ll cook.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA. So, so very NTA . So, I am not a professional chef. But I am a really, really good cook. So I understand your wife in my fucking bones. It makes me *itch* to see people clumsily hacking up an onion with a dull-ass knife and undersalting everything and dude are you using preground pepper and then I have to yell at myself to shut the fuck up and let them cook for me. Because y’know what? It usually ends up great. They’re doing their best, they’re cooking with as much skill and love as they have to bring to the table, they just want to make something good for me, and most of the time, it ends up just fine. So I learned to chill.
Cooking is a really hard skill to learn much less master, people are already intimidated by cooking for a good cook, you can’t make it worse on them or they’ll just say screw it, you do it. You shut up and you eat the good food they make you even if the potatoes are still a little stiff or it needs some salt. So if an asshole like me can get over that hump, she can go have a glass of wine, let you cook for her without editorial input, and eat what you make with a smile. ###### |
I (18F) live with my mom, dad, eldest sister(26F), her husband (23M) and their three little girls(9,7,1) I have spinal problems due to a stair incident in 7th grade. Blah blah blah pandemic keeps me from doctors blah blah losing mobility in hips down blah blah need cane and constant medication to walk normally. I’m upstairs doing my coursework and my cane is hanging on the chair next to me. My sister comes up to feed the baby and moves my cane. Which usually is, like, whatever, i move it to my lap or on the back of my chair. But this time she moves it a few feet out of reach near the kitchen counter. Still whatever, I just point out that I can’t reach my cane from there and she says ‘well it’s not like your going anywhere anyways’ which, rude, but fair enough I’m working at that moment so it’s whatever. I pause my work and play with the baby. I help feed her, everything is fine, I’m getting tired and my sister takes the baby when she’s done eating. She’s in the kitchen and I need to get up so I can go and rest but my cane’s too far. My sisters husband comes upstairs with a sippy cup and before he passes me I ask ‘Hey (HISNAME), can you pass me my cane? (SISTER) put it too far’. Cue sister getting huffy and her husband rolling eyes asking how I could be blaming her. I’m tired, I just want to nap. He hands me my cane I bid them adieu and leave to take my nap. Sister is offended by this whole interaction. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. Sister doesn't like being called out, maybe next time she won't move your cane or will replace when she moves. ###### |
I was having an conversation with a friend and she was explaining to me how covid-19 has been really hard on her, and adding home schooling on top everything else just is the icing on top of it all. I made a brief comment how I’m so grateful I don’t have children at the moment.
She fucking lost it on me.
I sympathize with her 100% but am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. She’s on edge and took it out on you ###### |
My husband and I have been married for 4 years and instead of having a wedding we eloped.
My mother was completely devastated. No one else in my family really cared, everyone was very happy that we got married. For the past 4 years my mother has been asking us to have a “real” wedding. She says it’s completely unfair we eloped and brings it up constantly.
My mother sends me photos of weddings dresses, has cried at family gatherings over the fact we won’t get married and took the dress I wore when I eloped and wore it. She mentioned multiple times that she looked better it in than I did and posted photos on social media of her in my dress.
Even though it’s been 4 years, she is adamant that we should have a “wedding” for our fifth anniversary. She wants us to have a cake that we can cut together, me to have a dance with my dad and to have a huge party with relatives. We keep saying no but she proceeds to bring it up when other family members are around. She has said she will never forget that we took away experiencing a wedding from her.
She has offered to spend ridiculous amounts of money for a wedding and we have politely declined. She has told us we won’t be getting any money from her for anything else because the offer of money was only for a wedding (we don’t care)
So AITA? My family is torn. Some people think we should have a party so my mother can get over it and some have said wta for eloping since weddings are for family. My husband and I do not want to have a wedding and are glad we eloped. I have other siblings so it isn’t like there will never be a wedding. ###### | NTA. She sounds like a pill.
I think she actually wants to be the bride. If she is dying to spend for a wedding suggest she and your dad have a vow renewal. ###### |
I was a vegetarian for 3 years, and since been a vegan short over 3 years. My old sister a vegetarian for around 6 years and my youngest sister a vegetarian for around 4 years.
My parents are divorced and my sisters and I live with my dad and see my mom probably once a week. My dad has been a vegetarian for as long as I know, probably since I was 8, around 12 years but mom still eats meat (which is completely fine).
My youngest sister and I were going to my moms cottage for a week and she meal prepped us some veggie meals to bring because the meals she was planning to eat throughout the week all had meat. Probably on our third or fourth day at the cottage, my mom was making chili for dinner. My sister and I both assumed that my mother was preparing us the meal prepped chili she made us, which she told us she was. As we began eating it, we saw and tasted ground beef. We confronted her causing a huge fight to break out. Since then we haven’t talked to my mom, it’s been about 3 weeks. ###### | NTA. She knew what she was doing. It's not like this was a new thing. She probably was just trying to pull one over on you to try and "catch" you not being able to tell the difference. ###### |
For context, I am a White and Japanese 17 year old non-binary person. My dads father came from Japan and met my paternal grandmother a White woman. My dad married my mother (an blue-eyed irish polish white woman) and had me. I came out with curly, (My mother) dark hair (My dad) and blue eyes (My mother) I am pale.
My maternal grandmother (White, Catholic woman) has always been pissed off about my mom having a kid with another race. She refuses to accept my Asian culture.
I am visting my grandma, and I have been missing my dad's cooking (He's an amazing cook) and I asked my grandma if we could go to a Japanese store to get some food items I needed to make stuff. She sighed and huffed "When are you going to realize you're not Asian" I corrected her saying I very much am Asian she told me I didn't look like it. I told her that I got that from my mother, she told me I am in no way Japanese and I should stop appropriating their culture.
I got mad and stormed off, I really wasn't in the mood for aruging. She has met and seen my dad, but my paternal grandfather died from a heart attack before I was born, and neither me nor my maternal grandmother has met him.
I have tried talking to her about it, but she always fires back with "But you look white, therefore you are white" I really don't know what to do or say to her. AITA? ###### | NTA. She is being ridiculous. Just because you look “white” it doesn’t mean you aren’t a part of other cultures. ###### |
Due to current global circumstances all our staff meetings are through a zoom like platform.
While we were waiting for the office manager to get on, everyone was showing off their pets and then the moms in there group started to talk about their kids, etc.
My coworker (35F), lets call her Z, was talking her daughter (7) being stubborn and “unwilling to do anything she doesn’t want.” Ya know. It’s whatever, nobody cared cause this meeting wasn’t about people’s children or their parenting. I basically forgot she said anything about her kid.
This is where I may have been an ass:
At the end of our meeting Z grabbed her daughter walking by and shoved her in front of the camera and said “here’s miss brat who never listens!” and I just got annoyed and said “we love strong women, don’t change!”
It’s just a personal annoyance of mine when people talk down about their kids, but I’m not a parent. So I really can’t say whether or not that’s normal, but as someone who came from an abusive home growing up, it rubbed me the wrong way.
My other coworker after the meeting said that was a dick move but I don’t think I was being an ass, just trying to make light of a weird way to describe and then show off your child. AITA?
If I am an asshole, I’ll say sorry to Z but she hasn’t said anything to me directly but I could tell it annoyed her.
(Also, I’m 25F to make it more clear) ###### | NTA. She humiliated her child in front of a bunch of strangers (to the child) and you said something to take the heat out of it. ###### |
My student Spotify premium plan ran out so I went to the website to buy a regular plan. I noticed that they offer a family plan and figured it would be cheaper if I chose this option and split the cost with the people I invited.
I asked around and got a few coworkers and friends to join. The plan costs $15/mo. Split evenly that equaled our to $2.50 per person. I asked for them to pay me $2.50 each month on the 15th. It’s not a whole lot of money at all, for me or them, so it kinda felt silly to ask so for so little, but made sense.
Anyways, several months go by. People pay. Sometimes two of the people forget, and I’ll charge them on the Venmo after a few days.
These last two months, however, one friend hasn’t paid for the past two months. The other paid for this month but not last month. I charged them for these missing payments on Venmo (again, very little amount, but it’s disrespectful to disregard what we agreed on) and they’ve ignored it.
I don’t talk to that coworker (I left the job) and never really talked to her to begin with. Would it be rude if I just removed her from the plan without even texting her? All I did was request on Venmo so far ###### | NTA. Send out an email/text that says “I’m having some issues with folks either paying their agreed upon amount late, or in some cases not at all. *Please set yourself a reminder*, or alternatively, let me know in advance that you want to drop out. And going forward, if your portion of the bill isn’t received by the 15th, the assumption will be that you want to discontinue, and you’ll be removed from the account.” ###### |
My cousins "James" and "Lydia" have 9 children. They are a wonderful family, and we spend holidays together. My husband and I suspect that their youngest "Grace" has Down syndrome due to very subtle physical features, motor delays, and her mother's age when she had her, but we haven't said anything to anyone else in the family.
When we were over to their house for Thanksgiving, I was fussing over all the kids like usual, and things went wrong when I got to Grace. I did the whole "Wow, you're so big!" thing and asked Lydia, "Is she walking yet?" Lydia very harshly snapped, "No. But nothing is wrong with her." Honestly, it was a little shocking and I was caught off guard. All I said was "Okay. But if there was, you know we would never love her any less." That was the end of that, and I thought everything was okay. Then, we weren't invited to the family Christmas.
I recently was talking on the phone to James and brought up to him that we had gotten all the kids Christmas gifts. He then told me that Lydia is still very upset that I asked if Grace was walking yet and that she expected an apology before we would be welcome over again. I'm planning on apologizing anyway, but I really don't think I did anything wrong. AITA? ###### | NTA. Seems like you hit a sore spot, and she overreacted. ###### |
Hi all,
So I referred my girlfriend for my old job (I was more or less promoted for got a 10k raise) She got the job and is now also paid 10K more a year than she used to be paid. We live together as well.
I was given a referral bonus of 1K. She is insistent that I share it with her. I was not too fond of this idea and she is now very upset because “I make so much more money than her” and “she does so much for me” and “she works so hard at the new job” etc. Am I an asshole? ###### | NTA. Referral bonuses for new hires is very standard practice, and is not meant to be shared for anyone who demands it. Tell your gf to refer somebody else for hire and she can have that whole bonus if they are hired. ###### |
I have a babysitter who watches my two young girls while me and my husband go to work. She brings her daughter with her. She’s always been great. One day, she was about 10 minutes late which made me late for work. It’s fine because it hasn’t happened before, and she apologized and I thought we were all good.
A day later, she lets me know that she had been helping my daughter on her iPad and some texts popped up between me and my husband. I was complaining to him that the babysitter was late that morning and it made me late to work. Well, she kept reading and read all our texts for the past month. I had also complained to him once that our babysitter had eaten all our Oreos. It was just funny banter, and I got over it quickly but I was still whining. I would have never said anything to her about it.
Anyway, the babysitter texted me the night before she was supposed to watch my kids next that she was quitting because of those texts she read. She was really hurt I would complain about her to him. I feel horrible but also violated that she read all our texts. I apologized for what I said but I still feel sad about it all. AITA? ###### | NTA. Reading texts that pop up is one thing, but the next step is to immediately tell the parents that those texts are popping up and the next step is to NOT VIOLATE SOMEONE'S PRIVACY BY READING TEXTS GOING BACK AN ENTIRE MONTH.
Babysitter was unprofessional by doing that and you're better off securing your electronics and hiring someone else. ###### |
When my girls were 5-6 years old they were cute as buttons and would often be used for kid's clothing fashion parades. Their mother usually arranged all this. But one day an advertising agency called and unfortunately, got me on the phone. The job was for a beach-side fashion photography shoot. I said they were available and how much would they be paid? The woman told me there was "no fee involved". I asked her if the photographer was being paid? "Yes". Was the catalogue printing company being paid? "Yes" Was the client paying a fee to the agency for the promotion? "Yes" "So, out of all these people involved in a for-profit commercial enterprise, the only ones NOT being paid were the actual models?" "Yes", she replied. "But they are only 5+6 years old". I expressed my wish NOT to teach my kids how to be exploited and the woman asked if she could speak to the mother instead. Of course, their mother hit the roof and told me I was an asshole. ###### | NTA. People keep expecting artists and models to do work for exposure. Good on you for recognizing you and your family deserve compensation for your time and efforts. ###### |
I never wanted kids. The idea of family is very suffocating to me and I was never willing to date a man with children. When i met my husband he said he didn't have any and didn't want any. A year later when he was drinking he admitted that he had gotten his high school girlfriend pregnant when they were both 18 and begged her to abort but she hadn't wanted to so he had a son who he had never met and he had signed away his parental rights. I was annoyed that he lied but I 100% believe that men have the right to walk away.
When my stepson was sixteen his mother passed away and he found my husband's contact information from an old friend. I completely supported my husband taking him and stepping up, and I actually really liked him. We have a good friendship, but obviously he doesn't view me as a parent. He married the most annoying woman ever and they have three children.
He recently asked if we would be able to babysit overnight so they could go to a wedding. My husband agreed and I reminded everyone I don't babysit. My husband said it would be fine and I didn't need to help. Well that lasted about ten minutes, because my husband does not know what to do with children and was begging for me to help. His DIL gave him a list of rules and things they aren't allowed to eat, so he was in a pissy mood over that and once the kids actually started running around and making noise he couldn't handle it and expected me to step in.
Well I didn't. I'm actually a terrible person and let them have water guns, so my husband ended up throwing a tantrum and locking himself in the bedroom. I did make sure the children didn't die, but like I stated to everyone involved, I do not babysit. They got into food they weren't supposed to have (no allergies) and didn't sleep at all, but they are alive. DIL is furious with me, because I'm the woman and I am apparently responsible, and my husband is off sulking. ###### | Nta. Ovaries doesnt mean you fucking know what to do with children. ###### |
My husband (M32) and I (F27) discussed children before we got married, at that point we were both unsure of whether or not we wanted children. Last year he told me that he wanted to try for a baby and I agreed on the premise that I would get to decide the full names of our children (maybe this seems petty to some of you, but the names are very important to me). To be honest, I would have likely still had children with him even if he said no, but he said yes. We did agree that he’d get to veto any one name I chose if he hated it though.
Fast forward a year and I’m 5 months pregnant. We’ve decided to keep the baby’s gender a surprise so we’ve been working on girl and boy names. He vetoed Anastasia and talked me out of Lucianna, so for a girl we landed on Clara. For a boy, he vetoed Logan and I eventually chose Sebastian. Sorted, right? Wrong.
His mother is desperate for the baby to be named after herself, her husband and her parents (with the first name being either the baby’s great grandmother’s name or great grandfather’s name, and the middle name being baby’s grandmother or father’s name.). She’s been blowing up our phones about it but truthfully (and I feel mean saying this) I don’t like any of their names.
She’s been blowing up my husband’s phone and he’s starting to argue with me about the name. I reminded him of our deal but he told me we should honour the family and his dead grandparents (who died long before we made our deal).
I will love my baby no matter what he/she is called, but I desperately don’t want to name my baby Sharon or Nigel.
AITA for not wanting to name my baby after my husband’s dead grandparents? AITA for caring so much about the name? Does baby’s name even matter as long as we love it? Am I being selfish? ###### | NTA. Only those involved in the making of or squeezing out of the baby get a say in the name. ###### |
So I (25M) am covered in visible burn scars everywhere except my face neck and back and I also have a prosthetic leg for my left leg which is from the thigh downwards. These are from 2 separates: a house fire when I was a kid and a car crash was the leg when I was 20.
Anyway, it’s warm here so I was just doing my once a week shop and I left in a pair of shorts, a shirt and a hoodie. I walked to the store and when I got there, I did some shopping and I decided to take my hoodie off because I got too hot. My legs were on full display so everybody could notice my prosthetic and my burn scars and they saw more scarring when my bare arms were exposed. I’ve been used to looks for years so it’s not really an issue and I didn’t think it would be.
I got to the checkout and there was a huge line and this old woman said that I was traumatising her and other people with having my hoodie off. Nobody else was saying anything except her and I ignored her initially but she kept telling me I needed to at least put my hoodie back on as it was incredibly off putting to see my visible scarring. I was getting really annoyed and I didn’t want to say anything to be an ass but she didn’t let up, continually calling me inconsiderate and it got so much that I asked the guy in front of me if I could skip in line and he said yes.
I got home and tried to block out the old woman’s comments but they’ve really gotten to me. I could have easily put my hoodie on and just been hot and saved people from more than they needed to see.
So AITA? ###### | NTA. Of course you are NTA! This story broke my heart. How selfish of the woman to say she was traumatized by the sight of some scars. It’s not like you ran around shirtless screaming “LOOK AT ME!” You should not feel ashamed at all if someone is upset/not used to seeing a different body ###### |
Me and my husband are trying for a baby right now and his parents know about it. They told my sister in law I guess, we don’t have a bad relationship even tho we live far away, we still talk. She called me and brought up the baby topic, asked me if we were really trying and I told her yes. She asked “why now? There’s a huge pandemic going on and it’s kinda selfish bringing baby into all of this mess”, I told her that we have been trying for months already. She sarcastically asked why couldn’t we wait for a year or two and why was having a baby right now so fucking important. I just told her to kind her own business and hung up.
Of course 2 days later there’s a post on her Facebook about “selfish people not caring about anything other than their stupid wants and needs.” She told her parents about it too and they’re telling me that I was a bit too harsh and I need to apologize. ###### | NTA. Nobody should be passing comments on other people’s legitimate life choices. ###### |
This is a weird one, sorry in advance. This was 5 months ago and it’s still a fight my bf and I are having. Clearly since pregnancy and miscarriages aren’t easy topic for people to talk about, I’ve come here.
I (27F) was about 6 weeks pregnant when I started bleeding really heavily randomly. To cut a long story short - I was miscarrying. Didn’t know I was pregnant, wasn’t upset about it. It was really whatever. I have no intention of children, I guess the shot failed me.
They sent me home from the hospital after a mental health check to make sure I was okay. Like I said, wasn’t upset about it, didn’t bother me much besides the physical pain obviously. They gave me the pill that helps to move the process along faster at home instead of waiting. When I was at home and sitting on the toilet, I felt it like fall out. So I just kind of look at for awhile and said “I didn’t think I would be able to see it!” (it was in the sac I think?) My boyfriend then said “stop being so fucking weird about this.” He then accused me of wanting to KEEP IT. When I said “it’s just curiosity, this is new to me too.” He stormed off and said he doesn’t want to be with someone who could be so heartless as not to care about this and treat “him” like a science project.
I asked him if he wanted to be pregnant or have kids and he said no but I should “respect” his kid more than that. I told him it’s happening to me and we just feel different about it. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive, I said sorry at the time but he hasn’t let it go.
Was I the asshole? It was something that was just happening to me and I was curious about it. He’s never hinted he’s wanted to kids or pro life of anything so this attitude is new to me. ###### | NTA. No one gets to tell you how you should feel about a miscarriage. ###### |
Well I want to keep it short: I have a little backyard and since it's starting to get warm I like to sit there in my chair and read, without a shirt on.
Some years ago I got a turned cross with a Pentagram tattoed on my chest/ribs (don't want to explain why, it was simply my decision as some others have normal crosses tattooed and NO im not satanic).
Well my older neighbor lady likes to watch people doing stuff in their backyards from her window on the second floor. Yesterday she came over and asked me to put a shirt on, since it's disturbing and "not normal". Because of the way she said that to me I said that I won't do it and it's not normal either to stalk people doing stuff in their own garden.
She got upset and even said she will call the police, wich she didn't at the end.
Am I the asshole now because of the way I reacted? ###### | NTA. Neighborhood spy’s are a pain. Better not to give in and good to remind that her own behavior is anti social. Nothing wrong with relaxing in your own space. ###### |
My girlfriend (28F) and I (30F) live together for over a year now. She is currently packing for a week-long camping trip with her dad and brothers and was charging up both of my external battery packs. I told her I didn’t want her taking both. She can take the older smaller one but the big one is expensive and she has a history of not taking care of my stuff (and taking my stuff without asking). I said I don’t want the charger to go camping and she threw a fit saying it’s not fair because of I’m not using it then she should be able to take it. I said if she wants one then she should get her own, that I’m being nice by even letting her take one.
She says since we live together we share everything and she should be allowed to take whatever she wants. Now she’s throwing a huge fit.
It feels like maybe I’m being mean now and I should just let her take it. But I’m annoyed that I’m expected to just let her have my things for use whenever she wants.
AITA? ###### | NTA. My husband and I have been married for over 40 years and we ASK before we leave the house with something that the other purchased. Also, her being careless with your belongings is an acceptable reason to not lend to her.
But now you have a great gift idea for her if you dare! ###### |
So I was out for a walk today (something I frequently do) and I have both of my dogs, they're very fluffy so never tempting to pet. However they are attached to their family so they like those people but if I stranger approaches they will bark and if you run they will probably tackle you (they're not trying to be aggressive they are herding dogs it's what they do) so I just keep that in mind and don't let strangers try and pet them.
While I was walking two children ran up to me, a boy and a girl they looked around four mabye five. They asked if they could pet my dog, of course I said "no, they really don't like to be pet" Then pleading ensued and I just repeated my previous answer. They children then ran back to (what I believe) was their mother. And starting talking to her about me(I couldn't hear but they were pointing) They mother and the now smug looking children came back and the mother preceeded to yell at me about not allowing her kids to pet my dogs."kids like to pet dogs they should get to pet them" and "not everyone can own a dog those who can afford dogs should allow others to pet them" (this is kinda odd because I live in a more expensive gated area that you can't just get into,so the arg coming from another resident seems strange)
Yeah I know that logically I made the right decision I didn't want my dogs scaring her children and then having more problems, not to mention social distancing which they would have been voilating. I ended up just putting my hand up to stop her and walking away. I feel like I've done something wrong though, I don't get yelled at like that often and am generally well liked, so maybe I deserved it. Am I the Asshole ? ###### | NTA. My comeback is “well not every dog likes to be pet. Sorry that your kids feeling are hurt but I would rather than then an accident happening where your kids are physically hurt.” ###### |
Ever since my (28M) gym closed a few months ago, I've developed a pretty well-stocked home gym in my garage. The only problem is my garage is terribly lit, dim, and depressing. I've been working out with the door open for natural light, usually early in the mornings when nobody's out.
Yesterday I slept in pretty late, and only got to working out at 11. 15 minutes in, my neighbor who was doing gardening work across the street yelled over that I should "quit showing off"
I put on a tank top (I'd just been wearing leggings up to that point) and partially closed the garage door, but she sighed and shook her head on and off until she went inside.
AITA here? I was behind a bookshelf most of the time and I didn't think she'd see me. ###### | NTA. Maybe she was hitting on you? ###### |
I am a 20yr zoology and environmental science student from the US. I was on a hike with my mom and brother to celebrate the end of the online semester when I saw a honeybee on a dandelion. I looked down to take a picture and started talking about how they are endangered and how cute they are when my 18 yr brother full on stomped on the bee. I yelled at him in surprise and was super pissed that the bee was dead for no reason. He claimed he did it bc he’s scared of bees.
I was mad at him the rest of the day, basically just being curt and not very talkative with him. My parents think I am just being sensitive, which I probably am, but I think its wrong to hurt an endangered species just because you are scared of them. It’s a bee, please just walk away. But in the end I may be acting like an asshole for giving him the cold shoulder. AITA? ###### | NTA. Killing anything for no reason (and "I'm scared of them and it was there" is no fucking reason) is most certainly wrong and I'm personally thankful you called him out on it.
Rather than giving him the cold shoulder, better to explain exactly why his action is upsetting. Killing for no reason is psychopathic. He killed a creature that is crucial to the ecosystem and struggling due to manmade pressures and chemicals. He doesn't need to actively DO anything to protect species if he can't be bothered, but at least not killing them when they're minding their business in the wild is a good place to start.
Side note: if it was a honeybee it would be a Western honey bee - which means it came from an apiary somewhere nearby and wouldn't be considered endangered, unlike many indigenous species which totally are. Not that your brother knew or cared, and not that it matters in general! ###### |
So, partner has a child and they are dictating everything we do while they are with us. From demanding playtime, how they do school (since we are on lock down), what they want to eat.... All typical first grade age kid stuff right? I tend to roll my eyes and let my partner deal because they're not my kid and I can't be bothered with the hassle of them passing on to their mom that I'm being mean or whatever by telling them to stop being ridiculous.
That's before we get onto them telling me what I can't eat because it's "theirs". I pay for what I eat. I can eat what I want, when I want... But it's making me feel like I can't eat when they are around because they make out I'm eating "their" food. It can be anything... cakes, chocolate, chips, drinks... You name it, and they see me eating it? It's theirs and I'm told not to eat any more... By the kid. I'm being guilted by a kid.
It's getting to the point where I'm starting to have to bite my tongue because it's really making me angry that I pay for food and can't eat it when I want. Partner just shrugs it off and says the kid is just a kid.But it's more than that. I'm being made to feel like I can't eat stuff I've paid for when kid is around... So, AITA for being angry at this or am. I just overreacting? ###### | NTA. Just tell the kid that you’re an adult and adults eat when they want. ###### |
I've been paying for my netflix account for about 8 years. In that time, I've let my dad use my netflix account. I told my dad a couple months ago I was thinking about cancelling my netflix account since I havent used it in months. (Me and my S.O always watch netflix together and use his account). My dad said "do what you gotta do". I cancelled it and he texted me saying he wants to take over my account and change everything over to him. I told him he should just start his own Netflix account. Theres only a couple days left on my Netflix account, and I get an email stating the billing had been updated. I attempt to log in and it states my email is not associated with any account(he changed the email too). On one hand, I understand it's just a netflix account and he didnt want to lose everything he watched or his profile, but I also had a profile I didnt want to lose. It would be there if I ever started my account again which is my right since I've paid for it for 8 years. Also, I feel like its rude he did it when I asked him not to. I called Netflix and they said theres nothing they can do. So, AITA?
Tldr: cancelled Netflix account that I've been paying for. My dad asked to take over my account and I said no and he did anyway.
(Sorry for formatting. On mobile) ###### | NTA. Just keep an eye on your credit card, make sure you're not still paying for it! ###### |
I love kids but I want a kid free night. My family won’t stop asking if they can bring there kids and I say no kids allowed every time. My cousins are calling me an asshole and selfish for not letting them come. They said they should be allowed to bring there kids because they are well behaved and don’t want to pay for a babysitter. I don’t have kids but I don’t think I would ever assume I could bring my kids to someone else’s wedding. ###### | NTA. It’s your wedding. You get to make the rules. ###### |
Throwaway account, on mobile, first time poster, etc.
My partner (20M) “Jack” and I (20F) recently decided to get married. We have been starting to plan some broad aspects of our wedding so we’ll know more of what we’re looking for when we set them in stone. One thing we’ve started looking at is the number of guests we’re going to be inviting, since we want it to be as small of an affair as it can be with our large families.
This has me a little concerned about two guests I really want to invite: my ex best friend “Lindy”’s (20F) parents. Lindy and I were friends for about 15 years, but she basically ghosted me and told me I wasn’t her friend and she didn’t want me to contact her ever again. However, I have maintained some contact with her parents, who actually took my side and apologized for her. We have met in public a few times (I live in a different city now so not often) and they have met Jack. I sent them a card when they went through a tragedy, whenever we run into each other they are always so happy to see me. Overall I would say my relationship with them is great, and if they were not her parents there would be no question that we would invite them to the wedding.
I don’t know if I’d be an asshole for inviting them, since I have zero interest in inviting Lindy. If I invited them, I’m concerned it would look like I was still bitter toward Lindy. Also, I feel bad for probably putting them in a tough position, having to choose between myself and their daughter.
I asked Jack what he thought about it, and he said that if I would invite them if Lindy wasn’t their daughter, it shouldn’t make a difference that she is their daughter, especially since she was the one who ended the friendship and not me. I am still unsure, but I want to sort this out ASAP so that it doesn’t become a major stresser for me later.
WIBTA if I invited them even though I’m not inviting their daughter? ###### | NTA. It’s your wedding, invite who you want there to support you. It’s considerate that you’re taking their daughter into account, but she ended the friendship, not you. ###### |
My (16f) sister (22f) keeps taking my clothes and wearing them in front of my friends. This wouldn’t bother me if they weren’t BRAND NEW outfits. That makes it so that when I go to wear the clothes everyone thinks I’m wearing HER clothes. I ended up going to my parents for help because no matter how I react she will not stop raiding my wardrobe. She is constantly telling me all the things she does for me (rides to school, dance class etc.) but I do chores to scrounge together the money to buy decent clothes I like, she has a full time job, doesn’t pay rent and can go buy the clothes SHE wants. I don’t see why she should be entitled to my wardrobe especially when I do all my own shopping. Am I the asshole for involving our parents/ not letting her wear my clothes? ###### | NTA. It’s rude for her to take them, especially more so because you haven’t worn them yet. ###### |
My mother wants me to stay with her even when I'm older, because I'm 'not ready' to live on my own. I can cook and know how to wash clothes and dishes. I know which items to buy at the store. Heck, I even know how to take care of hangovers so I should be able to help my friend if she ever has one.
What my mom really wants me to do is to take care of her. All of my life I've been taking care of my mother, even though she's not even sick. When I was younger, I would nurse her hangovers even while being sick.
I know how to take care of myself. Me and my bestfriend have been planning this ever since we've met 3 years ago. As soon as I graduate or turn 19, I'll move in with her without telling my mom. The reason I won't tell my mom is because if I do, she'll try to make me stay.
I've been keeping a lot of anger in me because my mother never listens to me. Every time I try to voice my opinion she threatens to disconnect my phone and take it away because surely that's where I'm getting my attitude. And I'm just so tired from having to take care of her even when she's perfectly able to do it herself.
She always makes promises that she never keeps, even if it might kill her. And it's just so draining to make sure that she doesn't die in the middle of the night from drinking so much. I'm tired of being the mother in this relationship.
So Reddit, WIBTA if I go through with this the way I planned to? ###### | NTA. It’s infuriating that your mother would want to hold you back for selfish reasons. If you can cook and do laundry, you’re doing better than I was when I left home at 18.
You’re going to be great. Go, live your life! Your mom survived before you came along, and it is not your responsibility to take care of her. ###### |
Context: I am the youngest of six kids, the one I’m closest to in age is 8 years older than me.
All of my siblings are adults. I recently noticed how often they are praised for things, and have tried to succeed at said things only to get no praise due to the fact I’m normally not in the spotlight so it’s ignored. I went back on my last AITA post and reading one of my comments realized the very different treatment I get.
If I got awards of trophies, instead of going in the case with all my siblings stuff I would have to Put it in my room. Instead of attending my plays or tournaments they would drop me off and go do something else unlike with my siblings where we all would go and watch them. I’m normally separated from conversation and ignored if I try to join in at dinners. I’m not invited to most outings and left at home. Only recently did I get to join in on stuff but it was only because they wanted to test my boundaries without my permission which only made me upset that it wasn’t actually to hang out with me. It mainly got to me after my nephew’s birthday party last weekend, we showed up early to help get things ready. I helped out but once the party started I tried to chat with everyone and was kind of pushed aside, I specifically helped with cooking. My eldest sister got the credit and when I tried to point out I helped a little I got shushed. I think they don’t realize how hurtful it is and how much the older kids are being adored in comparison, and I want to point it out but feel it will be brushed off as me seeking attention.
WIBTA if I pointed it out? ###### | NTA. It’s always ok to state how you feel to your parents (assuming they’re not abusive). If there is one that you find easier to talk to, maybe you could start with that one. Edit: added phrase. ###### |
I won a national scholarship for excelling in my A levels so my high school had a ceremony honouring the 9 of us from our year who did and also invited the parents of everyone. My mother decided that it's just a small ceremony, wasn't important and no other parent would really bother to go so she just dropped me off and went to the gym.
It turns out that every parent came and I was the only one alone but I just worked with it. When I arrived home she asked if any other parent was there and I said yes. She asked how many and I said all others. She said I made her look bad for not calling her to come. My father said the same thing.
So AITA for not calling and telling her to come to the ceremony ###### | NTA. It’s a shame your parents care more about their image than supporting you. Congratulations on your accomplishments!!! ###### |
I am a cosplayer (F, 29) and i make cosplay outfits from scratch for a living alongside having investments, so i can really spend time and make costumes/accessories with love and care.
I do not have a price list as every outfit/accessory is different and custom made. I have a list of what i have made previously but i always welcome new orders. I state very clearly that a generic 'Size XS to XXXL' is not applicable as i prefer for outfits to fit perfectly on the person so i either need to come size you up, or you do measurements yourself.
To be clear the taller/larger a person is, the more it costs in materials. And vice versa. More material = more money.
This woman, (G) contacted me and asked about a previous Wonder Woman costume i'd done. The previous buyer had kindly got professional photos done and allowed me to use them on the shop. She would be around a M size (UK). G asked for the same costume. Of course no problem, i just need you to send your measurements/get them myself. G says 'No need, do the same in picture i am similar size'. I ask her politely that i would like her exact measurements to do a better job. She gave me the measurements (after a bit of back and forth) eventually and she was a bigger woman than the picture. I had a quick math session and concluded it would be around £250. The original cost was £210 (stated on website). When i told her the price she blew up on me. She said that the price was £210 and was just fat shaming her. I told her i needed more material hence the increase in price. She has blocked me and wrote up a review about her experience and she' really gone ham on how i've 'fat shamed' her. Now i feel like i am fat shaming people by having a higher price and i don't want to ruin potential customers. Aita? ###### | NTA. It's unfortunate she left a bad review. Is there a way to respond? Anyone with half a brain realizes that a plus sized person is going to require more fabric, those little darts y'all sew in so we look more curvy and not just like a big fat cucumber - hince, the expense will be higher.
Obviously this customer thinks she is a smaller person in her mind's view, when reality is opposite. She is hypersensitive about this.
I would suggest a written or spoken rule about your works being priced by the inch ( or yard or whatever else you sewers measure in) and before you even attempt to quote any work for Mrs XYZ. That way she knows upfront. ###### |
My mom asked me to post this to the 'asshole group' so here it is:
My youngest brother is wheelchair bound so my parents own a extended size accessible van. They had to pay a pretty good chunk of change for it and when it breaks down my brother is completely homebound until it's repaired.
The issue is that over time several people have asked to borrow the van. In the past people have asked to borrow it to drive groups of kids to summer camps or zoos, or other functions. Those times she said no.
Now, her best friend has asked her if she can borrow the van to go to a highschool graduation. Due to social distancing, the local highschool is doing a drive by graduation where they hand people their diploma through the window and announce their name on a loud speaker. Her friend's son is graduating so she wants to load a bunch of his friends into the van so that they can "be together for graduation". My mom said that she thinks it's a bad idea because that would violate social distancing rules, but she is feeling bad and having second thoughts. She wants to know if she is TA ###### | NTA. It's not just a van, it's your brother's accessibility device too. It's really selfish of people to ask to borrow it at all. Also- wtf, there's a pandemic people! ###### |
I am working from home and it's less than ideal. They're putting a new sewerline in the street, retrofitting an apartment building across the street and building an apartment building next door. Plus you have gardeners with their leaf blowers, lawn mowers and weed whackers service a different building everyday.
I can block most of the noise with a sound machine.
What I can't block out is this food truck that parks right in front of my building everyday and blares music and honks their loud horn every 10 minutes for over an hour straight. I got so tired of it that I kindly asked them if they really needed to be that loud and they said they did to let the workers know they were there. They didn't give a fuck if they were bothering the people working from home.
So to teach them a lesson, I purposely park my car in front of my building even though I have my own space in the back. Now they can't park in the middle of where all the workers are. There isn't anywhere to park for a few blocks because all the space is taken up by the workers and their work trucks. I know for a fact that it's costing them business because I see the workers eating McDonald's or whatever is now closer and not food from the truck two or three blocks away. ###### | NTA. It's a public street, you can park where you want. They shouldn't be making that level of avoidable noise in a residential area, especially during a lockdown when people can't get away from it. ###### |
Thanks to the quarantine my boyfriend is now working his consulting job from home full time. I am currently completing my teaching degree which consisted of me being placed in a classroom with high schoolers for 20hrs/week and also working a part time job 20hrs/week. Now, with schools being shut down all of my classes have been moved online. I am still working my “essential” job 20hrs per week out of the house but otherwise I am home with him while he’s working.
Our apartment is only ~650 sq ft. Which means his desk is in the middle of our kitchen/living room area. He is on conference calls every morning usually ranging from 1 hour to 2 hours. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
During these meetings he says running our kitchen sink or using the maker coffee is too loud and I should be prohibited from doing them...
He says that if he’s talking during the meeting that the mic picks up the noises and is too distracting. On the other hand, if he is just listening to the meeting through his headphones with a muted mic, he says the sink is too loud and he can’t hear what his colleagues are saying.
He thinks it is disrespectful of me to make noise during his conference calls when he has asked me several times not to do so. I think it is disrespectful for him to demand I not do normal daily activities in my own home.
Also, when he is working (in a meeting or not) I never watch tv, listen to music, or talk but I will do things like make food, or coffee, or run the damn sink. His coworkers have commented that he must not have children, because his calls are so quiet.. so I feel like I’m okay to do these things as long as it isn’t excessive. He thinks I shouldn’t do them period.
So reddit, AITA for making noise while my boyfriend is in conference calls for work? ###### | NTA. It sounds like you have taken reasonable measures to accommodate him already. Expecting you to live in a bubble of silence is pretty unreasonable. He should get better headphones if every sound bothers him like that. ###### |
im in a Facebook group where people from my city and nearby areas will post pictures of places they've been and outdoor activities such as hiking, fishing, skiing, airsoft or others. I posted in the group chat "I'm going to this mountain on this day, anyone interested in coming" and someone commented saying that she's interested. I texted her and I asked if she wanted to go and she said yeah i'll go hiking anywhere. I asked if she had any friends interested in coming and she said its late and we can talk later (it was like 11 pm). Next day I texted her "hey so which day works best?" and she blocked me. I thought that was pretty fucking rude, like if she didn't want to come or couldn't she could've just said so. Whatever i guess.
Well about 2 weeks later I made a new post about a place I'm going hiking too, which requires some equipment which i've been able to get from my brother. I said we can share some. She unblocks me and tells me she's interested in coming and I responded back with "sorry but I'm not interested in you coming"
She asked me why and i told her its pretty obvious and i don't want any drama on this trip. She kept spamming me with texts saying i need to let her go and i told her "its no and I'm not changing my mind" and i muted her. She gets all bitchy in the post about it and people responded back with "i think he's wise to not want to take you"
Some people said i was petty for this since i was taking basically everyone else who wanted to go except for her. I think what she did was rude, and reason enough to take her but more so i don't trust her, and i don't want her starting drama and shit so fuck her. She's really really immature especially for someone 5 years older than me (19 and 25) ###### | NTA. It sounds like you dodged a bullet. ###### |
Last year, my husband and I adopted a baby boy. We have an open adoption agreement with his biological mother, meaning we send pictures and see her once a year. There will be more contact as well as he grows up, as well.
When we met her, we knew she had an Instagram and YouTube page, where she talked about her journey. We found her through an agency, but she was up front about this. At the time, she didn’t have much of a following. In the past year, she has gained a bigger one. Not huge to the point where she’s well known, but she has 4,000 followers on Instagram and is growing.
My husband and I are pretty private people and keep our social medias locked down. We decided that since she was growing so big, we were no longer comfortable with her posting pictures of our son on social media. We sent her this request and told her that while we would still keep sending pictures, seeing her, etc , we just didn’t want him on social media. She said that was her way of sharing pictures of him with distant family and I offered her alternatives, such as her emailing them the photos. All were meant with “sure, sure, sure”.
Then today, Mother’s Day, she made a post of different types of moms and including pictures of her with him, both from his birth and then from our visit a few months ago. I texted her and said if she kept this up, I would limit pictures. She got upset and deleted the post, editing it to a post of her holding him, but his face wasn’t shown which I was fine with. But she told me that I was wrong to tell her how to “run her account”.
Am I being difficult here? ###### | NTA. it might sound harsh but she put him up for adoption, he's YOUR kid. you are allowed to make whatever rules you want about when and how your kid ends up on social media.
additionally, she was wrong to agree to it(even if dismissively) and then post anyways. either she regrets adopting him out or she just wants clout for having done it. either way she should respect your wishes about YOUR son. ###### |
During high school, I (F) was experimenting with my style and found that I was more comfortable in men's clothing. I started wearing suites a lot and love colorful ties and bow ties. My Mum is super conservative and obsessed with gender roles and went a while where she couldn't look at me without crying. When I decided to shave my head she wouldn't even look at me.
Eventually I started seeing her again but she is always twitchy and nervous, solely due to the fact that I was wearing men's clothing. She refused to even talk to me until I took my tie off, which is really upsetting to me, and I was tired of bending to her whims, so I told her that I would not take my tie off unless she took her bracelet off, which she was visibly hurt by. She said that I was being unreasonable and silly, and that she just needed time, yet she has had over two years by now. She still won't even call me by the correct name.
I feel guilty whenever I kind of prod her into accepting me, because she seems so fundamentally hurt by who I am. AITA for not wearing women's clothing around her and making her take off something if she wants me to take my tie off? ###### | NTA. It makes as much sense to ask her to remove a bracelet. ###### |
So basically I like both men and women. And thus I've called myself bisexual since high school. Seemed pretty straightforward and logical to me and no one ever questioned it. Recently though I was chatting with a (likely to be ex-) friend from college who has been giving me shit for awhile about some things. She's in the past jumped on me for saying "LGBT" instead of "LGBTQ+" and for not having my pronouns in my social media bios and is amazed that I, an LGBT person is "so insensitive", (she's cis and straight too.) I've long just chuckled at this. Well last night I made a comment about being bi and we had a convo like this:
Her: You shouldn't use that term, it's transphobic and anti-nonbinary.
Me: um, what? I like both men and women, and used it my whole life. Plus it's part of the LGBTQ+ acronym (humoring her)
Her: yes but it's archaic and considered offensive now. It erases people outside of the gender binary. The correct term now is "pansexual".
Me: That's silly. It's pretty simple I like both men and women, I like both male and female bodies.
Her: Do you like only male and female bodies? What about non-binary bodies?
We went for awhile about it. I basically just said I don't care what someone identifies as mentally if I think their body is hot and I like both male and female bodies. However I only like masculine men and feminine women and people who resemble that. She was screaming at me about how I was erasing people and how insane it is that I'm a queer person who still believes in associating gender with one's body and genitals. I'm stunned.
So AITA? I'm kind of amazed that someone who isn't a conservative or homophobe would flip out over this. ###### | NTA. Ironic that she wants to erase you and who you are, but claims you want to erase someone else? Exactly who is she claiming you are trying to "erase"? Even if you were not SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to nonbinary/non-cisgendered folks, that doesn't mean you erase them from your mind or existence. SMDH ###### |
Okay, first a little background ... I (21F) live with my boyfriend (25M) in a one bedroom apartment. We technically have a room that could be a second bedroom, but it's very small and currently being used as an office space. We both attend university in DC (undergrad and law school respectively) and have continued to live together while attending classes remotely.
My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend (23F) also happens to be attending school in DC, but because she was living in on-campus accomodations, she was forced to return home to. She and my boyfriend are still friends, and she's evidently told him how difficult she's found attending classes online with her family's shaky internet and the time difference. She's planning on driving back to DC in the next week to collect her belongings (which is understandably a really long drive). He told me that he was planning on inviting her to stay with us through the summer term. I pretty much told him I wasn't cool with that, and he got mad, telling me I was selfish. So ..... AITA?
EDIT: We split both rent and utilities 50/50! ###### | NTA. Inviting someone, anyone to live with you at any time requires all people living there to ok it. Inviting someone to live with you during a super stressful quarantine is a HUGE ask. Inviting an EX to live with you in a very small space during quarantine is an insane ask. Honestly he was kinda an asshole for even asking you, very few people would be ok with that. He is a major asshole for trying to make you the bad guy. And an indication that if she moved in it would suddenly be them vs. You. ###### |
My husband and I are currently expecting a baby in November. I have 3 other children from a previous marriage. My husband is off work on Monday, Thursday and Friday and I’m off on the weekend so we only need a sitter for Tuesday and Wednesday while we both work.
My grandmother who raised me has always taken care of my 3 children while I work and they usually keep them one or two nights a week since they like to spend time with then kids.
My husband and I have been talking about where the baby will go while we are at work and I would rather my grandmother watch them. Or even his father would be fine to watch the baby when he wasn’t working. His dad owns a painting business so he usually makes his own hours.
Now my husbands mother wants to keep the baby and I do not want her to watch it. She’s a nice person but, she has major health problems. She has had several strokes, uses a walker, has hearing aids, has a pace maker and is on 30 different medications. Yes, 30.
My husband has to do her medication everyday because she will over take her medicine which she does a lot. She’s been hospitalized several times for “over medicating”
She just doesn’t seem capable enough to care for a young child. My husband said that she wouldn’t watch it, alone. Meaning her mother would be there as well. Now that would be all fine and good if my husbands grandmother didn’t call my husband everytime my mother in law over medicates and he has to leave to go pick his mom up and take her to the hospital and if the baby was there at that time then I would have to leave work too so I could pick the baby up.
It would just make more sense for the baby to go to my grandmothers house. WIBTA for telling her and my husband that she can’t babysit the baby? ###### | NTA. If your MIL is too addled/fragile to take her 30 medications properly and needs to use a walker, she's not physically or mentally capable of caring for a baby. This would be dangerous for both her and the baby and would be a horrific idea. ###### |
Context: Me (29f) and husband (32M) have been married for just over 3 months.
My sister bought a Birkin in store a few months ago, and asked me if I wanted to buy it from her. I've always wanted that specific bag, and it's been sold out everywhere so when she offered I jumped.
My husband and I have separate finances except for one joint account for household expenses. We also decided on a percentage of income to save for future baby, retirement etc. I come from a wealthy family, so I do have a bit of money that I did not get from my work. Prior to our marriage we had the same system of mostly separate finances, one joint account. Neither of us kicked up a fuss when we bought expensive things as long as we didn't pay for it using our joint account or dip into the agreed savings.
While this may not be perfect, it worked well for us. I bought the bag and brought it home. My husband saw it and freaked out. He said I shouldn't have bought such an expensive bag without asking him first. I tell him that it was my money and I didn't break any of the aforementioned rules. He replied that it's different since we are married now and that everything I own is his now as well, and that I can't spend on useless things anymore.
I'm just, genuinely confused. I didn't dip into my savings, nor did I use our joint account. This was a system we had for 5 years before we got married and he didn't have an issue with it. ###### | NTA. If your husband wanted to handle money differently after you got married, he should have discussed it with you.
You two should have that discussion now. For what it's worth, even though we have separate finances and our own "fun" money, my wife and I still have a price limit where we should talk to the other person before we spend that much. ###### |
My sister's friend was over my house we will call her Allison (fake name) she is 31. Now I was using Tik Tok and I know people will ask I am 28. I was using Tik Tok and I forget exactly what sparked the conversation but we were discussing a tik tok celebrity and she is 20-21.
I mentioned that she is super attractive. She then says that is super creepy, that it is worrying that I am still into college-aged women. I was like she is over 18 nothing weird about it and that she is just jealous. She said that I only find her attractive because I am intimidated by women my age and older.
I was like if anything you are the one that was intimidated by younger women. She was like nothing to be scared of, real men go for women their age. I was like yup, okay, that's why you get lip fillers and botox to try to look younger.
My dad just starts laughing his ass off. And my mom and sister both get super angry at me. I don't see myself as the asshole at all. Like how you gonna be mad at me for finding college women attractive, but then use makeup and surgery to look just like them. ###### | NTA. If you're gonna dish, you gotta be able to take it too. Old professor of mine always talked about having thick skin, meaning being able to take whatever said to you. ###### |
Alright, so I'm pretty torn here.
I've been dating a girl for a long time and it's been mostly great. I proposed a few months ago and we've been planning some wedding stuff recently.
Well, she has also recently dropped it on me that it is "family tradition" to put a ball and chain on the groom at the reception as "joke" and they won't take it off until whenever the fuck they decide to.
I am certainly not doing that, but she seems pretty firm on it. I feel like if you want to embarrass me like that, you can host your own reception without my family and friends there, and embarrass me all you want in front of your family and friends.
Really might call this off if they're expecting me to go ball and chain, and I don't feel like I'm being unreasonable but she's pretty fucking mad at me right now for my refusal
________________
Edit - Super overwhelmed with the responses, I didn't expect this many people to show up and agree with me. I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice, but there is no way I'll be able to reply to everyone so here's some more info based on what I've read (most of the comments thus far).
1. No, I am not just looking for a reason to call off the wedding
2. Yes, you guys bring up very good points that if something like this would cause me to throw it away then it may be some form of writing on the walls (just to confirm, I do not want to throw it away).
3. I will not be caving in to this in any way shape or form unless as I mentioned earlier, she wants to finance her own private reception where her family and friends can embarrass me all they want while mine aren't present.
4. The point above, imo, doesn't mean the wedding will be called off. It's up to how firm she is on the "joke" and if they'll just let it go. ###### | NTA. If you go through with this, I'd insist on also carrying a pair of bolt cutters with a "Pre-nup" label written in huge letters. ###### |
My dad is a lower IQ boomer who is a die hard trump supporter and he never shuts the fuck up about how every race other than Italian-American is garbage. All my life, that’s all I’ve heard. I don’t believe that shit at all, that racial BS is garbage and I always call him out on it. After my mom passed, i decided to spend more time with him, I don’t want him to be alone and miserable in his last days. Today I went shopping at the market with him, I ask the deli man (of Haitian descent) for a 20 piece wing, half spicy (my dad hates any type of seasoning) and one extra spicy (for me). He kept telling me to grab the wings on the side in the case, which are all spicy. I tried explaining to the deli dude I don’t want ALL spicy wings, but he kept telling me he won’t serve me, and that I have to grab the all spicy wings that are in the case. I told the dude “forget it bro, I’ll just go to Popeyes”; my dad yells from the back “you dumb Haitian!”. I told my dad “yo, you can’t say that in public man”. He yells out “WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO?! ARREST ME?”. I don’t wanna be seen next to someone saying that shit. It’s humiliating, especially when everyone is staring like I’m a giant tub of white trash mayonnaise, just because I’m with him. I left him right there, got a ride to my place, and haven’t spoken to him since. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. If you abandoned him there, it would be a concern. However, it sounds like you found your own way. Conversation about your boundaries is ideal, but not enabling him or trying to be a part of it is a way of standing your ground. Maybe he will adjust his behavior when spending time with you, so keep communicating and give him a chance. However, that’s on him to adjust. ###### |
I’m a 22 year old girl and a couple days ago my bfs cousin who’s 6 had a birthday party. It was hot so I came in a tank and short jean shorts. When I got there my bf told me he wanted to me to go home and change he thought my outfit was inappropriate for a children’s party. I didn’t believe it was at all. I got pretty angry with him and instead I just left and stayed home. He told me I blew it out of proportion and easily could’ve just changed. Now I’m just sitting here wondering if I handled it the right way or if I should’ve done anything different. AITA? ###### | NTA. If there was a dress code or requirements (for example horseback riding might require long pants, a trampoline facility might require no jewelry, a restaurant might have a dress code) he should have informed you when extending the invitation to you. A tank top and shorts are perfectly normal attire. ###### |
Throwaway account.
So, this happened a couple of days ago. I asked a couple of friends about this, and one of them suggested I should write and ask about it here. I’m not a native speaker, so excuse my mistakes.
I (26F) have a 2 year old son. I was having a conversation with a friend and mentioned that my son doesn’t really like to shower, but loves baths, so when I do prepare a bath for him we usually bathe together. I bring all kinds of toys and cups, because he loves to spill water on himself and even more when he splashes it at my face. If you ask me it’s a win-win situation. I can wash my hair and his at the same time, and he loves the play time with me in there.
The response I got was not what I expected. She looked actually disgusted. She said what I was doing is very inapropriate especially because he is a boy and that I’m emotionally and possibly sexually abusing my son. I disagreed and we had a huge fight. When I told my other friend what happened she said she sees her point and maybe I shouldn’t do this anymore.
I am so confused and I’m wondering if AITA for bathing with my son? Am I abusing him? ###### | NTA. I’m sorry your friend sexualized your routine! She might have her own issues so not that big of a deal if you are confident in yourself. You will know when bathing together is not ideal, trust your intuition and try not to absorb that nonsense. ###### |
Background: My boyfriend recently passed away unexpectedly. Today was my best day since I found out, but it’s still a struggle getting out of bed.
His funeral services are tomorrow, and I would love to see him one last time, but there’s an issue. My boyfriend is trans, and his family constantly deadnames/misgenders him, even with all of this going on (and them being very aware of his being on Testosterone, and also planning to get top surgery.) I fully expect them to bury him in female clothing, and that truly pains me to see.
I feel as if they aren’t mourning who he REALLY was, and as I just said a moment ago, that hurts a lot. I am planning holding our own services with some of our best friends, where we truly mourn who he really was.
So, WIBTA if I didn’t go? ###### | NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss. Mourn the loss of your boyfriend the way you best feel will honor him and who he truly was. ###### |
The other day we had to suddenly take my seven year old niece for the night because my nephew, who is four, managed to get a pretty nasty gash to his head when he fell off his bike. My sisters (26) husband was out of state dealing with something to do with his family so we, my parents and younger sister (18F) and I (21), ended up taking my niece in for the night. She was pretty cranky all day because she wanted to be home with her new puppy, I told her that if she behaved then she could play on my Nintendo Switch for half an hour the next morning before my sister picked her up*.
Well, she didn’t behave. She was honestly a little demon all night, but the next day she still demanded to play the Switch. I told her no because she didn’t behave. Well, she went to my mom and pulled the whole innocent granddaughter trick. My mother, who is an extremely kind person and spoils her grandchildren rotten because they’re the only grandkids she has right now (my younger sister and I aren’t having kids for years, college and career first). So she told me to let her play the Switch.
I told her no, I bought it with my own money (I’m in college and work my ass off, saved little by little to afford a Switch) and she didn’t follow along with the deal. My dad also thinks I should have let my niece play, as does my older sister. The only member of my family on my side is my little sister. I know my niece is seven but she needs to understand that not everything needs to be given to her when she wants them. My parents and older sister keep making me feel guilty though, so that’s why I’m turning to the internet.
So, Reddit, AITA?
*My niece is getting limited screen time right now because when her school first went online she was ignoring her homework and my sister got a pretty nasty email. My parents won’t enforce it at our house but I am with the technology that I personally own. ###### | NTA. I'm betting your mom wouldn't have put up with you going to Daddy after she said no when you were little. She shouldn't be undermining you. ###### |
I [27F] have been with my partner [27M] for four years, my south Asian parents who are first gen immigrants do not “allow me to date” and expect that I have an arranged marriage to a man of their choosing. I’ve explained to them multiple times that I’m not their 15 year old daughter they can “forbid” from dating.
I’m tired of the constantly being yelled at about “ruining their lives” or apparently “ruining my life” with my refusal to talk to men they’re interested in setting me up with. I’ve tried asking them about what their concerns are and that I’d be happy to address them but there is no way for me to reason with people who’s only response is “we cannot accept this.”
My parents on aren’t willing to entertain that this is a choice I’d like to make for myself. I care deeply about my partner, am immensely happy and see myself spending the rest of my life with him. WIBTA if I cut off contact with my parents over this?
tl;dr my parents disapprove of my partner due to his race and want me to have an arranged marriage, I’m not interested. WIBTA if I stop speaking to them? ###### | NTA. I'm afraid that to have any peace or any life of your own, you will have to cut ties to them. Are you still living with them? Move out and have your own life. This will seem harsh to some but they are being impossible. ###### |
My dad and mom split up when I was young but I’ve been close as hell with both of them until my dad started dating Kara (not her real name) My dad is white and my mom is black so yes I’m biracial and Kara is a massive racist. She has used the following slurs to my face the following
- nigger
- porch monkey
- half breed
- mutt
- jigaboo
And not just her; her kids (9m, 11f) have also called me slurs. Of course if I ever tell my dad and he confronts her, she just denies it and starts gaslighting him. Recently they announced they’re getting married in December and she’s 6 weeks pregnant. Now of course Kara texted me and said not to expect any fried chicken or pigs feets served at the wedding because she’s vegan and it’s gonna be all vegan food. At that point I had it, I texted my dad that I will not be showing up to the wedding and that Kara is a mistake. He said I was overreacting and I should spend more time with her but I’m done. ###### | NTA. I'm a white lady from the south and somehow manage not to throw around racial slurs, though it is a daily struggle. /s
First off, the south is not lacking in black people, so it's not like they're mysterious foreigners to us, and second, even if she was in some area that was mainly white, common sense and courtesy exist. This is not the kind of racism born of ignorance, like "Oh, are you really good at basketball?" This is malicious. No one calls someone a half breed and means well at any level.
Worse than Kara, who is a garden-variety racist, is your father. I am so sorry he failed you in this fundamental way. I would sit down with a trusted friend or therapist and discuss how you feel about the way he's enabling her. You can brainstorm a script to explain to him why this is so unacceptable and set some boundaries. That could be anything from "I don't want to be around Kara and if you try to tell me to give her a chance, I will end the conversation," to "If you can't stand up for me, we can't have a relationship." It's up to you.
TLDR: Your Dad and Kara suck, you are not unreasonable, and you get to handle this situation however you want without having to feel guilty because "faammmmillly." ###### |
For context, I don’t have any real strong beliefs in religion, I’m not denying it or saying it’s fact, and I’m trying to raise her to have an open mind when it comes to what she believes. She is obviously too young to have her own opinion about these things and am very upset that she is being presented this information from someone who isn’t my girlfriend or myself.
I understand that I live in a very religious state and I’m not against people who believe, but I personally believe that daycare isn’t a place for that. ###### | NTA. I would make a distinction though between a daycare that is openly associated with a church, such as "St. Thomas Day Care Center," and one that claims no such association. If you attend a religious-affiliated school or day care, religion is part of the curriculum. If not, discuss it with management that you are unhappy with that being provided whether a family wants it or not. ###### |
So I live in a small rented apartment with two other women. We don't hang out much and more live together for convenience. Recently I've started noticing that my milk is running out faster than I've been drinking it. I'm vegan so I drink dairy free oat milk. I'm pretty confident that I know who it is but every time I confront her she denies it. My friend suggested that I fill the carton with normal milk as she is lactose intolerant. I think it's a good idea but I don't want to go to far. So WIBTA? ###### | NTA. I would have blamed you both, except that you've already tried to resolve this conventionally:
> I'm pretty confident that I know who it is but every time I confront her she denies it.
If she's not the one drinking your milk, then there should be no problems. If she is, then she'll regret it soon enough. ###### |
Yeah I now it sounds weird. My daughter is 2 and currently her favorite thing to do is to strip all her clothes off, take off her diaper, and pee everywhere while laughing maniacally. Partly because she hates the wet diaper, and while we are working on potty training, she is not quite physically ready, despite being mentally ready. Anyways, I’ve started referring to her as “the goblin” whenever she does this, and my husband thinks it’s hilarious and now whenever she’s covered in pudding/peanut butter/ takes off her diaper and pees while laughing maniacally, he also refers to her as “the goblin.” Usually it’s “the goblin needs a bath.” That kind of thing. Anyways, some of friends think it’s mean to call our daughter a goblin. Are we the assholes here? ###### | NTA. I work at a doctor's office and I fully heard a mom call her 4-year-old a little shit. Could be worse, and could probably turn into a fun nickname when she's older! ###### |
Background:So I live in a trailer because of family complications and we have 2 two dogs (Chihuahuas)
My dad was working on the plumbing in the back of the trailer because it's an old model and the plumbing was old so we were replacing it.
We have a little fence in our front yard so the dogs can eat and drink out of a fountain that my dad made that has filtered water going through it and we clean it everyday
We had the dogs out at the time so they could do there thing and my dad went around the front and saw the youngest neighbor that is about 6 years old pouring motor oil into the water and splashing onto them and they were drinking it. My dad grabbed the oil out of his hands and immediately thew it away and we tried to call the vet to see what we could do but it's closed. So we researched and found that if you give them hydrogen peroxide in there mouth they would throw it up so we did that and they only thew up the hydrogen peroxide and nothing else.
We had to clean out the whole filtration system since the oil had clumps in it. We were worried that our cats might drink it since they like to drink it from the fountain so we locked them in since we already had a litter box and everything.
We went to talk to the mother about this and she said she told them to do it since we had called the cops on them for a previous incident.
We threatened to called the cops on them since we were really pissed but I have to ask WIBTA if I called the cops on the mom? ###### | NTA. I was thinking that, while horrible, this was just a dumb kid who didn't know better, but the fact that the mom said she told him to do it as revenge definitely warrants a call to the cops.
Edited to add: if the cops don't take it seriously, call animal control. ###### |
So, 2 weeks ago I started online school. I have 2 computers, a school provided one and my personal computer. I let him use my personal one, just for school. He asked for it a few minutes early, which is fine because I also started school a little earlier.
Apparently he was mad at me because I was cuddling one of my family's kittens while he wanted to play with it. So he decided a rational response was to try and 'make me lose karma on reddit'. He made up a easily faked revenge story and posted it on r/prorevenge. He failed, though. It got me 50 karma. I only found out because someone commented that you can't buy poison oak. I said sorry, deleted the post, and told my brother he is no longer allowed to use my computer. He had to use my mom's work Ipad, which she despises me for, he gets the screen nasty. Since there is no keyboard, he had trouble doing any assignment, causing him to get in trouble multiple times for not doing the assignment.
My parents have forced me to read 1 hour a day because of this, but that had backfired. That's another story though. Anyways, AITA for this or did he get what he deserved? ###### | NTA. I used to get in trouble for reading too much. Brother will learn to stick with his assignments next time, hopefully. ###### |
I don’t know how much I can talk about it, but I’m waiting on a claim to go to court that I am most likely getting a good chunk of money from. Obviously only close family like my mum know the details.
Any time the case is talked about among the family my mum immediately jumps to “we’ll be going to Disneyland with that money”, “I can’t wait to get a new suite”, or “you’ll have to give me half of it”. She always says these things ‘as a joke’ but time after time, without failure, anytime I try and make any decision that she doesn’t agree with she gets huffy, shouty, and gets older family members on board to sway me to her side, so I know what to expect when the time comes.
I’m not gonna lie, it hurts me that my mum has never asked or even seem interested in what \*I\* want to do with the money. I was thinking of putting it towards a car, Uni, or new furniture and such for my room (which is probably the most selfish option, but I study art + design and currently don’t have any space or the right resources to work from home). Maybe there’s a way to meet her half way, but at the very least I wish I could get a little bit of input.
At the minute I do live at home, and all my benefits go directly to my mum so I don’t have to worry about paying rent. But considering I don’t work, is that enough? Am I being selfish and making my family miss out because I planned ahead when I should’ve asked them first? What should I do when the time comes? ###### | NTA. I strongly recommend that you make sure that money goes to an account where your mother cannot touch it. If you are planning to go to school keep it in the account. If you buy a car, put it in your name only. ###### |
A little background, I'm a very punctual person while my gf isn't, we have talked in the past about this and how it creates unnecessary stress in our otherwise great relationship.
I'm specially aggravated because she does expect some measure of punctuality from me since I'm the "responsible one".
My new tactic is I match her lateness by making her wait as much as she does it to me.
For example, if we had dinner plans for 8pm and she shows up at 9pm, I'll make her wait until 10pm.
I believe this is extremely petty but so far it's working, she told me she does get how frustrating is to be left waiting.
I told my sister and her friend and they think I'm a controlling asshole for this. AITA? ###### | NTA. I hate how some people think it's so acceptable to always be late. I'd go about it differently, though. If dinner plans are at 8 pm, leave without her, have something delivered and eat it, whatever it takes so you get fed. When she shows up at nine, she can fend for herself. If you have plans to go somewhere at a certain time and she doesn't show up, leave without her. ###### |
So, I (f20) have wanted a small tattoo of a butterfly on the back of my neck for a few months now, since my childhood pet dog, Mariposa (“butterfly” in Spanish), passed away. I mentioned this to one of my friends (f20) and she was not happy about the idea.
I’ve known about her lepidopterophobia (fear of butterflies and moths) for years now, as we’ve been friends since 5th grade. But I didn’t think this tattoo would be a problem for her since it’s not a real butterfly, just a small tattoo.
I went ahead and got the tattoo anyway (using proper precautions regarding the virus!). It’s just a small butterfly on the back of my neck, just how I wanted. A simple way to remember my dog.
When my friend found out I went ahead and did it, she flipped. She texted me, “I saw on insta that you got a butterfly tattoo... I’m hurt. I thought you’d understand how triggering this would be to me. I wish you had taken my feelings into account.”
I tried to explain that I didn’t think it would bother her this much and apologized, but she said that the way the butterfly is drawn (sort of mid-flutter I guess? It looks like it’s flying, it’s not flat) was scary to her as it made the tattoo look more “real.”
So, am I the asshole for getting a tattoo that creeps out my friend? ###### | NTA. I get the phobia, I really do. I have worked for years on my arachnophobia and if someone had a realistic looking spider tattoo I would not be able to look at it because I avoid that type of thing because yes, as stupid as it seems, it will make me uncomfortable. So *I take it on myself not to look at it.* Her trying to tell you what to do with your own body is ridiculous. ###### |
We've been together for 16 years and have always had multiple dogs. We currently have 4--2 Akitas, a Rottweiler and a Westie. About a year ago, her grandson was bitten by his dog (at his home) and ever since then my wife has become increasingly hostile to our dogs (No lasting damage to the boy). Now she has them barricaded in the back yard and a small section of the kitchen whenever she is home. She was the driving force in buying each of these dogs. She picked out every one of them. She named them. I love them all like crazy. I don't like seeing them treated differently. She says it is not because of her grandson being bitten by another dog--rather, they are just dogs and she is tired of fur/sweeping/cleaning. I told her the time to have figured that out is before you got 'em and now they are members of the family (And have been for 8 years, 7, 6 and 2...so not a new situation). She thinks I am picking the dogs over her. Hell, maybe I am. But, problems and all, they are total love. AITA? ###### | NTA. I could understand if your wife wanted to put the dogs in the yard when her grandson came over, but what she is doing is cruel and irrational. When she got those animals, she made an obligation to give them a good home. Now they are outside without any understanding of why they have been cast off.
However, I will ask if you are putting all of their care on her. Are you cleaning up dog hair? If not, try doing that and taking other responsibilities from her for the care of the dogs. ###### |
I'm (m35) close best friends/ soul mates with this guy (M39), and we live together. We've both been friends since i was 17 and he was 22. We meet in a book club when i was in high school.
We moved in because of not many houses being avalibale and i though it was awesome to move in with my best friend. We share a bed and sometimes fuck because we both have a high libdio and have a connection. And since hes at home now, we fuck like 5 days a week and its amazing lol.He takes care of me and works a office job and i'm currently unemployed so i cook for him and do laundry etc. He treats me like a prince and protects me. He's gay, and i don't give a shit but like being taken care of. I love that i can live with my best friend, and don't have to live alone.
He has health issues (asthma, and heart disease runs in his family) and is overweight and i didn't want anything to happen to him so about a month ago we got "married" (just went to the courthouse, no wedding.) so can get my health insurance if he gets sick or i die.
I don't talk to my family, since they don't like me. I'm a athiest stoner, and the oldest son in family. My family are all italian catholics, and want me to marry a girl from another family i don't know.
one day he was going to pay the taxes before everything closes down, and i smoked a little to relax. My mother calls me, and starts talking about how i should i be thinking about babies and marriage since we're all die soon.
She doesn't know about me and his "marriage" or "relationship", and i don't want her to know.
But since i was high, i was very relaxed and stopped thinking it was my mom talking. I told her about that i got "married", and she became furious. She started talking about it's wrong or whatever. Now they won't let me talk to my lil brothers or cousins.
AITA for "marrying" my best friend? ###### | NTA. However, I think it's time to admit that you are not heterosexual. ###### |
I'm F27 and my co-worker is M23, his GF makes him 3 meals a day and he brings in these amazing lunches to work all the time. He mentioned that she does all the cleaning, cooking, laundry and goes to school and has a part time job. When he told me that I was like wow you don't do anything at home? He just said work is stressful enough and she likes taking care of him. Yeah ok, I'm sure she does, is what I tell him. One day he brought in some lunch and asked if I wanted it because his GF didn't make the lasagna the way he likes it. I declined but heard him berating his GF on the phone about 5 mins later in the lobby of our office building. When we got up to the office I told him how he treats his GF is abusive and not right and he told me its none of my business and to stop prying in and spying on her personal life or he'll go to HR.... I told my girlfriend about this and she said that I'm a bit of an ass for confronting him about it and maybe it was just a one time blow up and I shouldn't get involved in his life.
AITA? ###### | NTA. Hopefully, GF will eventually drop this AH. ###### |
Title sounds kinda confusing. Also sorry for any grammar mistakes, I’m french, English isn’t first language.
So right now I’m(15F) living with my brother(27) and his boyfriend(24). It’s temporary tho, I’ll be back with my parents in 2 weeks. I’ve been with them for a week, everything was going great.
Yesterday I got up early and I was bored, I thought I’d make something. I found easy mug brownie recipe so I made it. I found some powered sugar and there was a tiny bit left, so I sprinkled it on top of the brownie. As I was doing that my brother’s boyfriend walked in the kitchen and saw me. He got angry and asked me what I was doing. He told me that the sugar was expired and made me throw the brownie out. He told me that they were just keeping it because of memories because they got it while traveling. My brother was kinda mad too and told me that I should’ve asked him first before cooking something.
I haven’t apologized and I don’t think it’s my fault. They could’ve kept it anywhere other than kitchen if it’s just a decoration and not actually edible. ###### | NTA. Honey, they're mad cause you wasted their drug stash. ###### |
So, my (22 F) mom (55) is a very passive-aggressive person. She’s not a nice lady, so much so that if my dad (an amazing human being) wasn’t around, I’d write her off forever and not regret a second of the rest of my life. She makes snide and downright tasteless comments about everything in my life, but this time was about my weight. I know I’m over weight, but I’m so tired of her sh*t. She’s not any better than me, she’s been overweight and diabetic my whole life. Her mom died two years ago and had advanced Alzheimer’s. It runs in her family (I’m adopted).
A couple days ago, she said, “one day you’re going to get diabetes and die and I’m not going to feel bad for you.” It had been a long ass day, plus I’m quarantined with this lady, so I said, “Well, you’re going start to lose your mind one day and we’ll see who’s left to take care of you.” She kinda looked at me and left the room.
It’s been 3 days and she hasn’t talked to me. I feel like I may have crossed a line, but I also feel like she might have deserved it after all the soul-crushing stuff she’s said to me my whole life. I can and will list more stuff she’s said if y’all need more context to our relationship. AITA? ###### | NTA. Honest side question: Why is your "amazing human being" dad with such a woman? ###### |
Backstory on my boyfriend's brother is that I don't like him and he doesn't like me. My family is comfortable without being wealthy while my boyfriend's family is definitely wealthy, and the brother seems to think I'm a golddigger despite my boyfriend and I splitting everything 50/50. He is the kind of person who will ask the groom on the day of his wedding if he needs a getaway driver and tell people to get prenups at their engagement party, and I'm saying this because I've seen him do both things more than once.
I'm pregnant. It's definitely ahead of schedule but my fiancé and I are happy about it. I'm around 5 months pregnant, my fiance proposed about 2 weeks before we found out. We told his family earlier today over zoom. His mum, dad, and sister congratulated us and his brother did too, but then the brother made a joke about getting a prenup (which we are doing anyway). My fiance's sister told him to shut the fuck up and the dad said "come on now" in a reproachful tone, and then I said "just checking are you aware there are personality traits other than dickhead and edgelord?", after which my fiance's mother told me off for speaking to her son like that because he's just looking out for his brother. I asked if "I'm just meant to let him say whatever he wants, then?"
Call ended quickly after that, and now I've had messages from my future parents in law and brother in law all expecting me to apologize in order to smooth things over. Fiance says not to apologise for shit and his sister says they're ridiculous but this might be the easiest way to move on, and pointed out that I did go for him there when they'd already spoken to him.
Aita? ###### | NTA. His Parents want you to apologise because they know that you are reasonable. It's easier to appeal to the normally reasonable party than the dude stuck in asshole mode. If you apologize it would make things easier for them, but the brother would still see you as an appealing target. That's not a place you want your future child to be in so stand firm now and make it easier for you to deal with him in the future. ###### |
Last week, a neighbor’s kid slashed several tires in the neighborhood. I guess I got extra lucky, because he destroyed all 4 of mine.
Here’s where it’s tricky: just before this happened, I noticed that all 4 tires were nearing 5 years old, and thought they should be replaced. I made an appointment to get new tires and ordered them for installation later in the week. I was planning on keeping one or two of my older tires as a “donut” for emergencies.
The next day, her kid decided to slash them to pieces.
She’s now taking full responsibility and asked for the bill so she can see about refunding me. Everyone, including the police, is telling me that she should pay for the new set of tires. I think she should pay for half at most, but even that doesn’t seem completely moral to me because I was already planning on getting them replaced.
Am I the asshole if I let her pay for all 4? How about half? It did cause me to lose a day and a half of work and towing was a nightmare. ###### | NTA. Her kid slashed them. There are consequences. Honestly the damn kid should pay, not her. I get you're trying to be nice but there's no lesson learned if you don't let there be one. Slash tires. Pay for tires. ###### |
I’ll keep this short.
So my sister and BIL are having a baby. She’s 4 months along.
My sister has BPD and she’s been getting serious mood swings but still absolutely refuses to see any doctor/therapist about it. I’ve known my BIL for years (since college) and he’s told me recently how tough things have gotten with my sister.
The breaking point came last week when BIL texted me saying sister has started to throw things at him. He said he came home with take out but got the wrong sauce or side or whatever, next thing he knew she was flinging silverware at him. When he tried to leave she grabbed a heavy bowl threw it at his face (it missed but still).
I immediately offered a place for him to get away. He took me up on the offer and stayed for 1 night while we tried to get my sister professional help again. She made a surprising 180 over the next day after BIL left and started calling all our relatives/family saying I’m trying to intervene and destroy her marriage.
She told our family and relatives that I was now conspiring with her husband to leave her while she’s pregnant. BIL has gone back now but things are still dicey and I told him to call me if things get out of hand again.
Both my parents called me today to say I’m betraying family. After I told them of her recent unhinged actions they said if I really cared I would make sure BIL stays with my sister who’s the real vulnerable one, not give him an “easy out” from marriage. They also said it’s obvious I didn’t care about her wellbeing or else I would’ve taken HER in instead of him. It’s true I never offered to take her in.
AITA if I don’t do any of this and just let BIL stay with me when he feels like it? I can’t help but feel like no one takes my sister’s terrible actions seriously in my family and I know if I were in BIL’s shoes I would want a place where I can distance myself from all that. ###### | NTA. He’s in an abusive relationship, and your sister needs professional help. ###### |
Backstory(short version): My dad has been a not very nice person from the start, while he was married to my mum he would often take “surfing trips” in which he would sleep with other women. For a while he was engaged to another woman while still married to my mum. I tried to keep a relationship with him not knowing of what he had done. Recently he wanted me to block a number of one of his ex-wives, she is a nice lady and we don’t have a problem with each other. So I politely said no I won’t as I had no reason to. He then sent the following message “You know the hell I went thro, just a bit of respect for your dad wouldn’t go amiss. Till you show that respect then please don’t contact me. You need to step up if you want to stay in touch. If you want to keep in contact with your brother then I suggest you go thro your mum to contact him” I then got angry and sent back a message of one word “ok”. I have not talked to him since. All I would like to know is what I did ok? He has treated me as I would always be there no matter how bad he would treat me. If need be I can provide evidence of the messages. ###### | NTA. He sounds like a petulant child. ###### |
Bit of background: When we married we agreed everything would be joint and it’s worked perfectly for 6 years. Together a total of 11. All of our credit cards and bank accounts have each other’s names on them. We actually have a system so we know what each other spends (even if it’s a $2 hot dog).
Example: We run our budget every two weeks and figure out what we have left over after bills/savings. Say it’s $700 - we will text each other budget updates. $20 at Target, $3 at 7-11, $100 on groceries, etc. This way we know exactly what we have left over.
The reason I explained the above is to make the point that we are VERY transparent about money.
A few months ago we got into a really bad fight which ended with him saying he was filing for divorce. We worked it out and he admitted he was just angry in the moment and lashed out.
Here’s the thing, I recently found out that my inheritance is coming and will be in the 6 figure range. Since we’ve had that fight I’ve started to feel nervous about putting such a large sum in a joint account. That fight made me realize that if we ever got a divorce half of that would belong to him. In my state separate bank accounts are not subjected to be split equally in a divorce. Meaning if I never put his name on the account he would never have a claim to it.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA. He lashes out by threatening divorce? That's a really good reason to keep the money separate and in an account with only your name on it. You can always change the account ownership at a later date or set him up as a beneficiary/payable on death. Right now, I'd err on the side of caution. ###### |
Throwaway account; he uses reddit too.
Background:My husband and I are both 27 and have been married for almost 3 years, no kids.
I have suffered with OCD for the majority of my life. I was officially diagnosed when I was 23 and finally got medication. The medication has greatly reduced my panic attacks, but it has also made me tired all the time.
My husband finds some of my OCD tics fascinating, which I don't blame him for, because I can see why he thinks that. I have talked to him about all my weirdest ones: the fact that I can't have my hands in the same position at the same time, the fact that I can't touch the mole on my neck or else I have compulsions to squeeze the skin, etc. (There are many more but those are most relevant.)
Sometimes, my husband induces my OCD to mess with me. Like if he's holding my hands and forces them into the same position to see how I'll react. I've talked to him about it and hes since stopped doing that.
Today, he playfully touched the mole on the back of my neck. I was like "we talked about this; why do you trigger my OCD on purpose?"
He went on about how I need to overcome this anxiety and he was helping with my exposure to it. I told him he's not a licensed therapist and he's just stressing me out. I've gone to therapy. I see a psychiatrist frequently. I let the professionals handle that.
I was crying about how I feel he's disrespectful of my OCD by trying to induce those feeling's on purpose. He said that he's bothered that I'm giving in to irrational fears.
Now I'm crying and trying to remove myself from the situation but he's keeps telling me it's just a mole and I need to act like people treat it in the real world. I KNOW that logically; I try to explain to him that OCD is illogical which is why I treat it with therapy and medication, and why I feel disrespected when he messes with it on purpose for no real reason.
Who's the asshole here? ###### | NTA. He is touching you in a way that you have repeatedly asked him not to, and even if it had nothing to do with OCD, he should respect your personal space and boundaries. It is downright shameful that he is essentially shaming you for having a condition you are actively treating. Dismissing the tangible ways he could help is bad. Deliberately trying to make you spiral is awful. ###### |
So I (F20) currently share an apartment with my brother (M21). My boyfriend (M26) has been staying with me during the pandemic. I've had an apartment with my brother for two years and I'll be moving out in a few days. Over the course of the two years we've lived together, my parents have come up many times and have stayed the night. This wouldn't really bother me if they ever bothered to talk to me about it first. They always discuss coming over with my brother and I'll get told a few days before they arrive if I'm lucky (there have been multiple times I've figured out because my dad has called me telling me to get ready to pack their stuff up to my third floor apartment). At one point I had to start threatening to lock them out for hours until my brother came home to even get told a few days in advance again.
Now my boyfriend tries to get along with my family. Early on my parents decided they didn't like him based on my brother deciding he's "off-putting" before having a conversation with him. My brother had decided that because my boyfriend is the awkward quiet type and he's not usually very confident.
So everytime my parents come over, they expect my boyfriend to go somewhere else (which has caused a lot of unnecessary spending on hotels). Today, my brother and my parents decided they'd be coming up tomorrow and spending a few nights at my apartment and my brother told me that my boyfriend needs to find somewhere to stay while they're up here.
It should be noted that my boyfriend has never spent the night around my family and he wasn't very against staying time at hotels so he didn't have to listen to my dad tell us that he essentially can control what goes on in my apartment as my guarantor (I checked the lease and the law and he has 0 rights). But we don't want to spend more money than we have to since we're trying to start a life together.
So, Reddit, WIBTA if I ignored my family and decided to keep my boyfriend with me at my apartment? ###### | NTA. He essentially lives there right? Then they have no right to demand that he leaves his home. They are being entitled. I would put your foot down OP and make it very clear that if they continue to demand this then you will not allow them to continue visiting. It's your apartment, not theirs. ###### |
Preface:
So, I (16M), have been saving up some money to purchase a new laptop. Specs are very good (2070 ti, i7 10th gen, 16gb ram, etc.) and I use it for school, gaming, and 3d modeling. So the laptop costs $1500 USD, and I currently have $1660 in my bank account. Currently the laptop is out of stock until July 15, but you can pre-order it.
My mom had bought a laptop as a gift two Christmases ago, and it doesn't run certain things well, specifically the 3d modeling software I use. My stepdad however needs a new laptop for doing some stuff for his work , so I'm looking for a new one. My mom doesn't want me getting a new laptop because, "I already have one that works." I explained to her that I was planning on giving it to my stepdad, and she didn't say anything about that. So here I am finding the perfect laptop for my purposes, and as I'm about to buy it my mom stops me.
She explains that she would rather us use her credit card so she could get points on it, and I agree. She says she will buy the laptop for me and then I would transfer the money to her account. So it's been 5 days since she said she would buy it, and I'm getting kinda annoyed. I know it's not in stock for a while, but I would like to have my order be filled first. So I've been slowly increasing the pressure on my mom to buy it.
TL:DR : I have saved money for a laptop. Mom wants to use credit card, and then transfer the money into her account. It's been 5 days and I'm slowly increasing the pressure on her to buy it.
AITA? ###### | NTA. Have a conversation with her and ask her why she hasn’t ordered it yet, explaining that since it is out of stock at the moment, you want to make sure to get one when it is back in stock.
It’s possible that she’s waiting on the next billing cycle for her credit card for some reason, but you won’t know unless you ask.
It’s also okay to say “Getting this laptop preordered is important to me. You had said you wanted to get the points on your credit card for it and I was fine with that, but the delay is making it anxious. If you don’t order it by the end of the day on Monday, I’m planning to order it myself to make sure to receive one when they are back in stock, but I wanted to let you know first so that there wasn’t any misunderstanding.” ###### |
I used to be an EMT, now work as a referee + medical guy in a combat sports system.
My girlfriend started screaming for me. Turns out she popped herself in the face with a cabinet door and was bleeding pretty good.
She wasn't remotely bleeding out or anything. Although it's scary, no where near life threatening hemorrhage. Was obviously alert/oriented, no signs of anything serious, so I take a second to put on gloves (not a big deal in my mind - 5 seconds max to pull a pair out of the box ontop of the fridge, contact with a patient or bodily fluid always warrants gloves).
Got my gloves on, popped a peak. She ended up splitting her lip pretty good on her braces (yes we're 20 and she has braces). End up going to the ER, they put like 3 stitches in, really that was it. She later expressed offense about me putting on gloves before tending to her.
I tried to explain why, the fact it's engrained by training, but she's still offended. I said sorry, that's just how I was trained, but she's mad.
AITA here? ###### | NTA. Gloves if contact is possible with bodily fluids; even if they’re from a loved one ###### |
So my wife and I have been married for 5 years. We have two children, a five year and 5 month old. She has acknowledged her alcohol problem in the past, but when she gets to a certain point, she throws caution to the wind and gets completely wasted. She gets mean and absolute hateful.
Tonight, I took time off work to drive her two hours to see her best friend that she hasn’t seen in a year. When we get there, it’s cinco de Mayo, so her friend wanted tacos and margaritas. The margaritas were STRONG. I, knowing I had to drive in three hours, didn’t drink. Our kids were with us. My wife, on the other hand, got shitfaced. Come time to leave, she had another canned margarita in hand about to open it in the car. I took the can and told her it’s illegal to drink in the car. She got pissed. She finally calmed down, but she was still super drunk. She took her frustrations out on our five year old and made him cry his eyes out in the back seat. We got back home and she was about to start up again and get even more drunk.
I had enough of it. I took the can she was about to open and said no. Not tonight. You’ve had enough.
She became belligerent saying she married a dictator. I feel I have a right to keep the peace in the house especially since we’re both responsible for two children. She is still going off on me (going on two hours) and my five year old is in his room screaming. She’s screaming she wants a divorce. My response is that if her abuse of alcohol is that important to her, then fine. She can have her divorce. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. Give her an ultimatum: get sober or get divorced.
Your #1 priority should be your children, even if that means keeping them from their alcoholic mother. ###### |
I (22, F) currently work as an EMT, and as part of my certification, I learned to deliver babies. On occasion, we will get calls to pick up someone whos in labor. I've gotten these calls about 3x and each time we have just transported the patient to the hospital and they have given birth there.
My sister (26, F) who is 8.5 months pregnant recently asked if I could deliver her baby at her home since I was certified. She wants to do it at home since the hospital in our area (Chicago) won't let family visit, and she wants us to be there since this is her first child. Also, her gynecologist is sick and wouldn't be there to deliver her child, so she's also nervous about having a doctor, she doesn't know.
I told her I would get back to her, but my sister and my mom keep texting me about it. Idk what to do, I'm really nervous about doing it since I have never delivered a baby before. She said the baby was perfectly healthy which is good and it obviously won't be premature but I'm still on the fence. ###### | NTA. Former EMT here. Do Not deliver that baby at home, by yourself.
For one, how are you going to obtain the medical supplies necessary for this delivery?
Secondly, we are trained for skills for transport into transfer of care to people who have greater abilities to help (nurses, doctors, hospitals). While you have the ability to help with the delivery, people with more training and experience are obviously the better choice.
Third, gods help you if something goes wrong. I couldn't imagine what would happen to the family if something went wrong with mother or child.
My family used to joke that I would deliver my niece. Like, I could if it was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY, but you should not be THE FIRST CHOICE. ###### |
My 19 year old daughter rescued a stray cat outside that has been following her around the house from the outside. The little bastard had been jumping on the roof and running around on the extension to try and meow for attention from her because she kept feeding it bacon.
This was a coupe months ago. She took the cat to the vet and it was given anti flea anti fungal and anti worm and all the rest of it treatments including being neutered which the darling girl of mine stuck the cost of onto daddy’s debit card because of course she did.
Imagine my surprise when she returned from the vet and announced she was keeping the bloody thing.
Now I hate little animals, I’m deeply allergic to cats and in general I’m just not a cat bloke.
It roams around the house like it owns the gaff and it bloody pisses against everything it takes a liking to but my wife and girl are absolutely enthralled with it and it’s very very content to steal the sofas to scratch and sleep on.
It keeps trying to rub up against me and I refuse to let it touch me. I’ve had to ask the pharmacist to give me fexofenadine which is the only thing stopping me from scratching my eyeballs out.
My wife actually got into a mardy with me and snapped at me cuz I refused to stroke the cat and she called me a miserable bastard. My daughter joined in and said the cat only wants to be friends but frankly I don’t care and I don’t want to be friends.
Anyway my darling wife told my darling mother and now she keeps bringing it up everytime she calls me calling me a misery guts.
Am I the arsehole or are they for trying to force me to stroke the cat? ###### | NTA. First, hats off for having the thickest English accent in written form. Truly spectacular, sir. No bullshit, you could probably get a writing job in Hollywood, you awesome fucking misery guts.
Anyway, you didn't want the cat. You're not a cat person. You're crazy allergic to the cat. That's fine. You tolerate the cat living with you despite your allergies because it makes your wife and daughter happy. That's a big deal. They should be satisfied with that.
Yes, the cat means well, but you've already been asked enough. Plus, better it not understand you as a "friend" since you don't want it rubbing up on you. Better stay as (barely) tolerated acquaintances. ###### |
21F here. I lost my mother two months before my 17th birthday. I was extremely close to her and her sudden death was a huge blow to both me and my dad.
When I had to move to another city to attend college, my dad had to move in with my grandmother, uncle (as in dad's brother), and his wife. They live close to our old home, so it wasn't a hassle for dad, and since he paid them more than enough money for having him, it wasn't an issue for my uncle either.
When I came back right before the lockdown started, I was shocked at my dad's condition. He looked terrible and it was obvious that he hadn't been eating well. I had always known that when confronted by grief he tends to ignore everything else and put his heart and soul into his work. I also knew that his 'family' had only agreed to have him in because he earns well and hadn't taken notice of his condition, but he was living in their house and I couldn't say anything about it.
But the real shocker came when I saw my aunt wearing an opal pendant that had been my dad's gift to my mom on their anniversary. I confronted her and asked her how she got her hands on it. She told me that she had taken out house keys from dad to 'clean' our house, found the pendant, and taken it since it was gathering dust. Grandmother supported her, saying (I quote), "She's dead anyway, why leave her things to gather dust?"
I asked my dad if he knew anything, and he said that he didn't know the pendant had been brought here. I proceeded to lose my shit and chewed out aunt and grandmother over touching my mom's things. Aunt and grandmother said that I was overreacting, it's just jewellery (not to me. It's my mother's memories.) and that I need to calm the f down.
AITA? ###### | NTA. Find a way to snag it back ASAP. Get a hold of your moms engagement ring and band too. Jesus. Hard to imagine anyone could really be so entitled. ###### |
I got an IUD in August and told my mom I was getting it, she paid because i’m her daughter and she wanted to.
Fast forward to October and my mom calls me at college and says she has a funny story. Mind you, we both tend to joke about my dad because he’s a character and they’re divorced. She says that my dad found out about the IUD because he saw paperwork that i had in my car that he was cleaning out while i was away. HE WAS FURIOUS. He called me mom and yelled at her over the phone about how i have an IUD and my mom was like “oh yeah i knew about that” and then my dad proceeded to yell at her for not telling him and she was like “she’s 18 and it’s not my place to tell you about her reproductive choices.” My dad is acting as if I needed his permission for this. I didn’t even need to tell my mom in the first place, but i chose to because we’re close like that. Anyways, this was a while ago but it still sits weird with me. He has no say in the matter. I don’t like that my dad felt obligated to know about this personal aspect of my life especially because he’s otherwise a very progressive, liberal man so it doesn’t really make sense as to why he’s trying to police my goddamn uterus. Idk thoughts? ###### | NTA. Don’t doubt yourself. Your thought process is very sound in this. ###### |
Hey!
So recently my biological dad reached out to me and explained that he is probbably going to die because of kidney falioure and he is at the bottom of the list.
Im 21 female.
I am really scared of doctors, let alone blood donation. So you can't even imagine how scared I really am to even think about this. Surgery is 10 times worse than anything else.
Recently my biological dad told me that I am probbably an approppriate donator. To me, he is just a regular stranger. I don't think I would be able to donate kidney even to my close family.
Results came back positive. I tought I won't be approppriate donator and went to test myself because my and his family were pressuring me to do so. I was wery scared. After results came back positive they told me how happy they were,... and I had a panic attack.
It was wery hard for me and I finally got the currage to tell them. They started trying to guilttrip me, saying that I will be sorry, that I will be responsible for murderer, that they will file a lawsuit,...
I really don't know what to do. So please tell me, AITA? ###### | NTA. Do not go ahead with this. You aren't a murderer if you don't donate your kidney. You can contact the doctor and tell them that you don't want to do it. They'll tell your dad that you aren't a good candidate. They will take the blame. Please have them take the blame!! One of his other relatives can donate their kidney. If they're not a match, they can be tested to match someone else and the kidney donations will be exchanged. ###### |
Recently my grandad has been in hospital for a reason I’m not sure I can mention, but you can probably guess. Prior to that he had other health complications so I thought it’d be nice to get all of my cousins to make a video for him wishing him to get well soon and that we all love him. I have a pretty big family so it was a bit of a nightmare.
Now here’s the issue, we weren’t sure when my grandad would be released from hospital, so I gave everyone a deadline to send me a video to include. They had two days to make me a 10 second video. Easy, right? Wrong..
Everyone apart from one cousin managed to send me a video, and to be fair I completed the video and sent it to my grandad. Since then all hell has broken loose. My aunt thinks I’m the devil, and that I purposefully didn’t include my cousin to be mean (I didn’t.. I sent multiple reminders and she promised she’d get it to me and then didn’t). Now she’s stirring the pot with my other aunts, and one of them thinks I purposefully didn’t include her grandson because he has a speech problem I wasn’t even aware about because they live on the other side of the world and I’ve never met him (he’s like 3). I specifically asked my cousin/his dad to include him but for some reason he didn’t and only sent one of himself which was fine I thought.
So now my aunt is pissed at me for making my 14yo cousin cry because she wasn’t able to send me a video in time, and my other aunt who I actually get on with thinks I didn’t include her grandson because of a speech impediment I didn’t even know about.
This was supposed to be a nice thing for my grandad but now everyone hates me.
Reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA. Did you keep copies of your texts/emails/reminders? Circulate those ###### |
My mom (55F) raised me by herself.
I (25M) was always told that my dad (57M) never loved me and ran out on me, that he left us. Well it turns out that I have been lied to for a long time.
For the first time in over 20 years, my bio dad found me last year and contacted me. I was filled with rage but also curiosity so I met up with him and he explained his side of the story. He said that he wanted custody of me and that my mom had lied about why he left, that it was her who cheated on him and left him for a guy (this guy was in my life for the first few years but I only heard stories of him. Mom told me he was a good guy and they met through mutual friends).
I didn't know what to make of it until I confronted my mom in rage and she admitted that it was true, my dad did try and get custody and that it was her who cheated on him.
Anyway I was shown proof that this man is 100% my bio dad and we got closer... as I got closer to him over the year, it became apparent that my mom had outright lied about everything and filled my head with nonsense about him.
As I attended therapy this year I have finally been able to somewhat process this and have decided that I had enough of my mom and her pack of lies. When I met with her I said to her that I can't forgive her and that I want nothing to do with her. I said its over and she began crying and breaking down but I said it is what it is and got out.
Then my aunt showed up at my door and called me asshile and how could I do this to my mother. But how could she do this to me? AITA? ###### | NTA. Continue processing and healing. ###### |
I live with my grandmother. Rent is $900 and we each pay half. Recently this person decided to bring in their grown 50 year old drug addict son because “he has nowhere to go”. He does have somewhere to go. He has a house he was living in but his wife recently died and she took it upon herself to allow him to live with us. I had absolutely no say in the matter despite being extremely uncomfortable about the entire situation. This man has multiple drug charges and has threatened to kill people. He has never worked a day in his life.
At first she said it would only be a couple of days. It’s been nearly a month and he’s still here. Rent free. Hasn’t lifted a finger and he’s eating our groceries. He’s also gotten high in our home on heroin twice. I used to help out substantially with the groceries also but have since stopped and only buy the groceries for myself.
This month I only have her $300 in rent money. She asked for the rest because she’s low on money and can’t pay her car insurance. She’s low on money because she’s been treating her addict son like a king, buying all this food, cooking three times a day and withdrawing cash for him from her checking account.
I said that since we have a third person living in the house who I had no control or say over, it is unfair for me to continue paying half the rent and that he can get a job and pay the remainder. ###### | NTA. Check your lease. Most of them require the approval of the landlord to have a new person move in. Also, rent is usually split between all adults living in an apartment after a discussion is had. Usually this takes place before moving in or right after. Your grandmother is altering the original agreement between the two of you therefore a new split in rent needs to be discussed.
If you don’t want her son to be there, see if it violates the lease. If it does tell her that her son needs to go per the lease. If it doesn’t (as in you are allowed to add people) tell her you object to him as another roommate and will contact the authorities for illegal activity.
You should not feel unsafe in your own home. Tell her you will move out if he stays. Considering you are paying into the rent, this might help get this freeloader out of there. ###### |
Last year I (28F) decided to go back to school and my fiance (30M) supported me.
When his mom found out I was starting (we decided not to say anything until it was official) she flipped out.
Why? Because I wouldn't be around to do anything they (I drive his mom, sister, 6 nieces, and his foster brothers where they need to go because she won't drive) wanted me to at random times.
"It's inconvenient". I quit my last job because it was an inconvenience to them! Once she starts complaining, my fiance is usually guilted into agreeing with her. I'm just glad he makes enough so I don't have to work but, the problem is, I WANT TO!
I refuse to give up my future because nobody wants to drive!
I'm just waiting for them to learn that I start my internship in the fall! All hell's gonna break loose!
So AITA for "not caring about them and their feelings and needs" because I want to have a better future for my kids?? ###### | NTA. But, sounds like you need to have some serious talks with your fiance. ###### |
My wife and I were planning to have a baby in the next two years. My wife's friend recently adopted a baby. All of a sudden now my wife wants to adopt a baby. I really don't want to adopt. I'm not even fully sold on a baby.
My wife is really angry and keeps saying I have a heart of stone and other similar thing because I don't save a child's Life.
So AITA for not wanting to adopt? ###### | NTA. But you need change the perspective of “saving a child’s life”. Adoption isn’t what it was in the 1900’s where people abandoned babies or sent them to orphanages because they couldn’t afford them.
You don’t sound like you’re fully on board, so don’t do it. That will only cause resentment in your part to an innocent child.
Your wife, who also seems to think she’s saving a child—-needs to get her head out of her ass. That’s not what adoption looks like anymore. Send her over to the r/adoption to get a true perspective. ###### |
First some back story... my sister and I have never been close. I’m a bit older than her but because of life I still love at home with our parents and 2 years ago she moved to the other side of the country with her bf. Because we were never close and now she lives so far are basically just acquaintances at this point. When she does text me most the time she’s being snobby and the few times she’s been home we’ve gotten in huge fights because of her toxic behavior.
Recently I’ve over heard convos she’s had with my mom and she is planning her wedding (she’s not engaged yet but has said they are looking at places and he will propose soon but knowing my sister she is the one pushing the want to get married soon). One of the times they were FaceTime she saw me in the background and told me “One of the dates I’m looking at is your birthday”. Every year since I turned 18 I’ve gone on vacation for my birthday she obviously knows this so I told her “if you do I might not be able to come”. She got mad and my mother told me I’m being selfish and even if she plans her wedding on my birthday I better come. It became a huge fight and she doesn’t even have a date set yet.
Also about my vacation... it is the one time of year I get away. I work 32-40 hours a week on top of taking care of my grandparents. Taking them to the doctor, taking them shopping... etc. and where my sister lives isn’t a place I’d want to vacation.
So am I the asshole for telling her that/ would I be the asshole if it is on my birthday and I don’t go? ###### | NTA. But tell her you have thought it over, and you are SO PLEASED that the thinks SO highly of you, that she would honor YOU by having her wedding on your birthday! I mean, why else would she do that? Drag it out...how much sheust respect you to do this...to have her anniversary forever tied to you, honoring YOU...I suspect that if she thinks you like the idea...she will change the date. ###### |
LTL/FTP, throwaway acc cos family members know my main and I don't need the stress.
My husband and I are choosing baby names. We both have Scottish and Irish heritage -- several family members either having an anglicized version of a Scottish/Irish first name or surname.
We are strongly considering giving our child a Gaelic name. Our top three contenders if it's a girl are Saoirse, Ealasaid, and Marsaili. Two of the boys names we like are less difficult for an English speaker to pronounce -- Eamon and Seòras -- but the other one, Eoghan, might confuse some people.
I DO strongly believe we should give them an English-friendly middle name, think Ealasaid Rose (we haven't gotten that far yet lol), so that they have another name to fall back on if they need it. Husband is on board with this.
My MIL and my sister, however, think that this would be horribly cruel even with the middle name thing and insist we HAVE TO give them a "normal" first name -- Elizabeth instead of Ealasaid, for example. Neither me nor my husband like the way Elizabeth sounds (nor any of its diminutives), and the same goes for Sarah instead of Saoirse and Marjory instead of Marsaili (Marge just makes me think of the Simpsons). The same goes for the boy's names.
MIL has gone so far as to say she will call them by the English equivalent and will make Husband's younger siblings do the same. I told her that's a one-way ticket to No Visits Town, which she handled as well as you'd imagine.
So, WWBTA for giving our baby a Gaelic name? ###### | NTA. But kid will hear their name mispronounced every day. They will have to spell and respell their name every day. That also doesn't take into consideration when they are older and looking for a job. There a lot of factors to look at when choosing a name.
As a suggestion, next time you order a pizza or take away, give the order taker your Gaelic name and see what happens. ###### |
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