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I'm a trucker, so I'm on the road 6 days a week, working about 12 hours a day, and I keep my truck clean inside. My wife works 12 hours a week, and the house is constantly a mess, and when I say something to her about it, it usually pisses her off, then she says she'll do it, but never does. Am I being an asshole by asking too much of her to simply keep the house cleaned up? ###### | NTA.
She should absolutely be keeping the house clean. There's no excuse not to. ###### |
OK, here I go. It might be long. My wife and I have been together for 15 years, married for 5, and had our first kid 4 years ago. She's pregnant with our third. Shortly after our first kid's birth, she had a burnout, and I effectively became the sole source of income for our family. She has recently made plans to return to work in a complete different career. I'm self-employed (woodworker), and so would she (parental counseling). Now today, she tells me that with everything going on, she's thinking of home-schooling the kids. At first, I'm thinking, sure why not? She has a background in education, was a teacher, has a Master in developmental psychology. So, hey, what the hell.
Now, this is where things went awry. I asked her:
'What about your career plans?'
'Oh, I was thinking you could Monday-Wednesday, leave home early and take care of the kids from 6pm so I can take care of my clients/customers/patients (I have no idea what to call them). Then, Thursday and Friday, you'd work mornings only, and I could use those afternoons as well.'
So we got in a fight. I feel she's pressuring me into doing this her way, and leave a job I like (however physically demanding) and I make OK money with, for a dream of a perfect life she has for herself. All the while the kids are enrolled in a private Montessori school I'm paying for and am perfectly satisfied with.
I told her so. But she says success isn't only measured in hours worked. Sure, but it does pay for everything right now. And I'm afraid it won't be enough if things go her way.
So, Reddit, AITA for wanting to keep things going as they are? ###### | NTA.
She needs a hard reality check.
Pretty much her whole plan is wishfull thinking about how much business she can actually get. You cutting hard into your work hours for her to spend time in an unproven and given the whole economic situation pretty shaky business model. ###### |
I (28m) proposed to my now Fiance (27f) back in December. We had been dating for over 4 years and already talked about marriage. I knew before I asked the question she would say yes. We had talked about her taste in rings before and she always said she wanted something unique and vintage. Nothing brand new. I was having trouble in finding something i felt confident that she would love. So I came up with the idea to take her on a wonderful vacation to a town in Spain that had a ton of antique jewelry shops. I floated the idea by her and she was very excited. We went on our trip and spent 2 days searching shops for her dream ring (we would have spent more time looking, but she was adamant about the ring she found). We spent another 5 days vacationing, where on our 2nd to last night we went to a fancy dinner and I officially proposed.
When we got back some of her friends were shocked that A.) She picked her own ring and B.) The proposal wasn't a surprise. She knew we were going to be engaged on the trip.
Her family seemed a little weirded out by how we did the proposal well.
She ensures me that she loved everything about the trip and loves the ring, but I cant help but wonder if I spoiled the surprise/magic of a once in a lifetime event.
AITA? ###### | NTA.
She liked it. You were thoughtful to *your partner*, rather than all the busibodies always looking to stroke their egos with *something* or other. Now she has a whole lovely trip accompanying her ring. It has a more romantic story than most rings. ###### |
My roommate recently moved in to live with me 3 weeks ago. Things been good. She’s very nice and we click well. Last night, she told me she was gonna go for a run and go to seven eleven. She asked me if I wanted anything, I said no. She went and didn’t come back. I texted her and she didn’t reply. I waited for her but I ended up falling asleep. I woke up and she wasn’t home. I went to work and came home and she wasn’t home. Her social media was dead and she hasn’t messaged me. I ended up calling the cop when I got home, around 9pm. She was found at a friend’s. She freaked out on me and said that I’m not her mom and that she doesn’t have to tell me where she’s at all the time. She called me creepy and nosey and I feel bad now. Did I overstep the boundaries? ###### | NTA.
She didn’t say goodbye in a way that indicated she’d be gone that long.
Based on her going radio silent and being so angry, I’d be wondering if she wasn’t up to something she’s embarrassed about or hiding. ###### |
First off I'll explain our family. When I met my husband he had a 3 year old daughter from a previous relationship. Her name is Alexandra. I married Alex's dad when she was five. So technically I'm her step mom. Alex's mom is also remarried. She calls both me and her bio mom "mom" and both my husband and her step dad "dad". All four of us think of her as a daughter and she lives with her mom and stepdad 50% of the time and me and my husband the other 50% of the time. Basically she has two sets of parents. Sorry if i worded it confusing.
I don't really have any problems with Alex's mom even though she is a bit on the conservative side. Meaning she thinks tampons take your virginity. She has told Alex that she doesn't want her using them. The problem is that Alex is 14 now and wants to by on the swim team when the schools reopen. Me and my husband also have a pool in the backyard and swim a lot in the summers. She says that she doesn't like being the only one who can't swim when she's on her period.
One day Alex was staying at our house and she told me how worried she was about having to deal with her period when she starts the swim team. She also disclosed to me that it's not fair that all of her other friends get to use tampons.
Later that night I bought her a box. I told her that they would stay at our house in the bathroom and she could use them whenever she needs them for swimming. And said that her mom didn't have to know. I feel back and have never gone behind her bio mom's back like that before. However, I grew up with a conservative mom like that. I understand that it can lead to things that cause embarrassment (for instance swimming in a pad). I didn't want Alex to have to go through something like that like I did.
I feel like I did right by my daughter but still feel a bit of guilt. Aita? ###### | NTA.
Only asshole would be those who do not let their teenage kids use sanitary products. ###### |
My husband (36) and I have two kids, my husband also has autism and so does my son (17) both relatively mild cases. My daughter and I do not share this mental disability with them.
Now I’m a nurse which means due to COVID I’ve had to be at my workplace, my husband however could work at home. My children being school aged were also obviously home. I noticed that after the first few weeks my daughter started receiving a lot more money from my husband, I noticed my son also giving money , and when restrictions were eased car rides in addition seemed available to my youngest.
I called In sick so I’m off two weeks, and I’ve noticed that when my daughter asks for things from my son or husband she’ll try to either hug them or raise her voice.
These are both sensory overloads for them and they’ll agree to anything to make it stop and avoid a meltdown, before they hate loud noises and uninitiated physical contact.
I know this because I admittedly have done this myself ONCE before when my husband didn’t want to go to the doctor So wrapped my arms around him for like half a minute while I asked him to get in the car and let me take him to the doctor he agreed after he started to freak out.
So I confronted my daughter about this and she said she didn’t know what I was talking about, I asked her to explain to me how it’s okay for her to try to overwhelm like that and she started to get angry so she went to her room, I then went to my husband and say we should punish her after I explained the situation, he got mad and said there’s no way he’s being taken advantage of by a 14 yr old, I asked him if he was under duress when she asked for something from him and he refused to answer and went to our room and locked the door.
AITA for trying to punish my daughter for taking advantage of my husband and son ? ###### | NTA.
Not only is this taking advantage of your husband and son, but it's ingraining habits in your daughter that will follow her into the real world.
Can you imagine her abusing another autistic person's sensory overloads to get her way, because she thinks it's okay? ###### |
My husband and I have a 5 month old daughter. He is only just getting comfortable enough to change her wee diapers without me supervising/helping now, and when he was changing her last night he saw she had pooped and called me in to change her because 'I've done it before but this one is bad'. It wasn't bad, two wipes and she was clean. Just smelled a bit worse than usual since she started teething.
Tonight he was holding her after work and she started to poop. As soon as she was done he handed her to me. I sighed and said "another shitty diaper to change" while walking to the change table. He snapped back with 'I don't say that every time I have to pay the rent, or bills'.
Granted, he does pay the rent. I pay half, if not all of the utility bills depending on my income (I'm mostly a stay at home mom, but also have a house cleaner gig once or twice a month).
It upsets me that he doesn't do what I see as his fair share of parenting. Yeah, changing diapers is gross. No one WANTS to do it. I should know, she has been pooping twice as much since she started teething. He doesn't see her much with him working 5 days a week, but surely it's not too much to ask that I don't have to change every poop she does?
When I tried to bring it up with him, he said I attacked him with my shitty diaper comment and again brought up how he pays the rent without complaining.
He wants another child. I don't want to have another if I am going to be stuck wiping another ass for however many years.
I feel it's assholeish to compare paying rent to providing basic care for your child, but am I wrong? AITA? ###### | NTA.
No offense to you buy guys like this give the rest of us Dads a bad name. I don't care if he pays all the rent and works his ass off to do so, there is no excuse for not changing a dirty diaper. If there is one thing I can guarantee you will have to do to your child aside from feeding them, its changing a fucking diaper. Be a fucking man and do your job. ###### |
Ok...so, my girl and I are sitting on the couch watching some TV. She's on her phone wearing yoga pants and a Tshirt, basically laying on her stomach with her ass right next to me and her legs across my lap. I'm playing my Switch chilling.
Then suddenly she lets rip a massive ass clapping fart, and it smells fucking rotten. I naturally react without even thinking and say, "Goddamn!" and put my hand to my face and get up to go smoke a cigarette. Now, it wasn't my intention to hurt her feelings, but she clearly felt self-conscience and said her feelings were hurt. I apologized, but she says I should have just ignored it. Now, we have been together for a while, and yes we fart in front of each other and even laugh about it. But she basically farted right into my face full force and I just reacted. She thinks I'm a complete asshole, I apologized but said you know maybe don't shoot a fart right into my fucking mouth next time.
I got nothing against farts, but goddamn I did my best not to be a complete dick about it, and going out for a smoke seemed the best choice at the moment to let the air clear.
AITA? ###### | NTA.
My husband let off of a ripper in front of our 4 year old earlier and the look of disgust on his little face had me crying!
The topper was when he said "I just need some space after that" and ran to the other side of the room. So yeah hahaha ###### |
For the past 2 years me and my gf have been dating, she has never known what she wants to eat. Me or her sister can ask her what she wants and she will respond with "I'm not sure, what sounds good to you?" Then I'll begin listing off all the options around us fast food wise. She will proceed to tell me no on everything I say, to which I then start naming things we can buy at Walmart and she starts saying no to those things as we would have to "wait forever for them to cook" or she doesn't "feel like X meat"
This morning I'm going over the options again, and of course things play out about like this and she calls me mean for pointing out that she never knows what she wants.
AITA?
Edit: to respond to the person asking what I said, all I said was "you never know what you want to eat". I never get an attitude with her about it, and she knows I'm not mad. Or atleast I hope she does lol
Edit 2: it's a Christmas miracle, she said she wants pizza ###### | NTA.
My girl does the same so I make it easy.
I say: baby, you decided what to order or what you want me to make while I take a shower etc.
I’m the kind of guy that can go without food for a while, so she usually gives in and orderes something. ###### |
For the sake of the story I’ll call my friend Kate
So I’ve been friends with Kate ever since we were 11, we’re both 20 now and both women.
Kate came out as bisexual when we were 16 and obviously I was supportive of her.
It wasn’t until I was 18 that I started to question my own sexuality and decided that I was in fact bisexual.
Since then I haven’t told anyone about it mainly because I just wanted to keep it to myself and just really wasn’t comfortable with telling people yet
That was until last week I decided to bite the bullet and tell Kate about it over text
At first she was supportive telling me how happy she was for me until she started asking me if I was 100% sure and not just confused
I told her that I’m positive that I am and have known about it for years.
She then tells me that she just has a hard time believing it because she hasn’t seen me take an interest in girls (I definitely have and like I said, I kept it to myself) or talked about girls when I’ve talked about boys.
I told her that I just didn’t feel comfortable coming out and that I am attracted to girls and I just haven’t found the courage yet to ask out a girl
Long story short, we went back and forth a couple of times until she eventually told me that she feels like I’m “copying” her and just told her I was bisexual to sound cooler than I actually am (?) and that how she doesn’t appreciate me trying to steal her sexuality.
I eventually told her that I’m done with the conversation and that I’m going to bed and I haven’t spoke to her since.
I very much regret coming out to her and I still know that I’m bisexual but I can’t help but feel guilty and like a attention-seeking asshole ###### | NTA.
Kate needs to get over herself, she doesn’t get to have a monopoly on being bisexual and doesn’t get to police other people’s sexuality. Her reaction is immature and petty.
Don’t worry about her OP, you do you. 🌈🤍🌈🤍🌈 ###### |
I spend a lot of time either working from home or running my business from home so my wife and I decided I could use a spare room as my office. I turned it into a sort of library/office over the years and on top of all my bookcases and shelves I've placed models and figurines that I've made and or collected. [These are](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dz4xxb4WwAAavnL.jpg) examples of [some of the things](https://twitter.com/FinalFantasy/status/842760746463387648/photo/3) [that I have displayed](https://www.thewebernets.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/tech_seawater_03.jpg). None of my models of figurines are scantily clad women or dolls before you make that claim. Mostly planes and boats.
I still spend time with my family, I contribute to the household chores and I don't lock myself away in my office. My wife however said that all my models and such are childish and that she gets embarrassed when people come round to stay or visit. I pointed out that she's covered our bedroom in plushies and she said that's not the same. I was told to hide or get rid of the models and figurines, I refused so now she's refusing to talk to me.
We have 2 kids and they each have their own room, she also has a craft room where she does her dress making, sewing and cross-stitch things. ###### | Nta.
Its your office, with things you enjoy.
She could easily get around her perceived and non warranted embarrassment by simply not showing people around your office, especially since there doesn't seem to be a need for them to be there.
If you love the models, keep them. I have 4 glass cabinets of vintage military vehicle models the size of dinky cars. I love them. They're staying in my living room display where they belong. ###### |
My girlfriend and I were doing long distance, so we didn’t get to see each other often. When everything was shutting down both our employers made it so we could work online. We thought this would be a good opportunity to get some quality time with each other. So I went to stay with her.
My sister found out recently and has asked if she and her daughter can stay at my place for the time being.
My sister and her daughter currently live with our parents and our younger sibling. Our parents are a bit pushy and very strict about keeping things tidy. My sister says it wasn’t so bad before, but after being stuck at home with them they are driving her completely crazy because they are getting on her about her parenting (niece she a bit ill mannered for her age). So she needs some space away from them.
My mom has since confirmed they are not getting along right now.
To be honest though I just feel uncomfortable with them staying there without me. So many things could happen without me there. Especially with a little kid running around. I mean so many things could happen with me there too, but at least I would be there to quickly take care of anything that goes wrong. Not saying she definitely would, but she would be able also to go snooping through all my things and I don’t like the idea of that.
When I told her it wouldn’t be possible she said I was being a dick and a sucky brother since I should have offered it two months ago when I left to live with my girlfriend in the first place and knew she didn’t get along with our parents. ###### | NTA.
It’s your place. Idgaf if she’s your sister. She should’ve gotten her own place too ###### |
My fiance(29m) and I(29f) are (world affairs permitting) getting married in October. This is my first wedding but his second. We are having a small wedding (50 people or so) after a short engagement because we both want to have multiple children, and we want to start trying as young as we can.
My fiance is friendly with his ex because they still have several mutual friends and are part of the same D&D group. I say friendly instead of being friends because we have had some issues with her and boundaries, such as her complaining that they dont have the level of communication that they did before, and getting annoyed that he didnt drop everything (cancel time with me) to support her on a bad day, and half a dozen other small moments that get blown up into things much bigger than they should be. I dont think she is doing this maliciously, I think she was just naive enough to believe that she would still be one of his best and closest friends after the divorce and is struggling with the reality of it. Because of her issue with boundaries, I decided very early on that I do not want her at the wedding. and my fiance supported me wholeheartedly. No issues there.
Here's where I worry we might be the assholes. After making our guest list we realized that we are inviting almost all of their mutual friends, except for his ex and her boyfriend(who is the man she left the marriage for but that is neither here nor there). Friends they made during the marriage, the entire D&D group, people his ex introduced him to...yeah. we made the list simply by inviting those people that we wanted at the wedding, but we did end up inviting everyone around her. I have no intention of extending an invite to her because I do not trust her to not make the day about herself, even if it is an asshole move, but are we the assholes for leaving her out of something everyone else is coming to? ###### | NTA.
It’s very possible her feelings may be hurt and there will be comments made to you and your fiancé about “excluding” her, but your wedding is about *you two as a couple* and the people you all want supporting *your* marriage, not about appeasing and entertaining people who (inadvertently or not) cannot maintain healthy boundaries and support your marriage. ###### |
I (17m) am the oldest son in my family. I have 4 younger siblings (14f, 8f, 5m and 2f). My mom expects me to watch my siblings when she isn't home. Needless to say, I'm tired of it. I never get to go to parties. Neither do I get to hang out with my friends. In fact, I hardly ever have time for myself. Last time I went on a date with my girlfriend and came home late, my mom got mad at me because I didn't change my youngest sister's diapers.
Today, my mom announced she's going to have another child. It's not that I don't want her to have a child, but I really don't want to watch another sibling. When I told my mom I'm tired of being a "babysitter" and that I won't watch her children, she called me selfish and an asshole for not being happy for her.
My aunt and grandma agrees with me but my dad said I was wrong and that I should be happy for him and my mom. My mom said I "hurt her feelings" and that she's disappointed in me.
But I said it's not my responsibility to watch her children.
That said, AITA? ###### | NTA.
It’s incredibly unfair to expect you to give up your childhood to be a father to your younger siblings. Why would you be excited to have a fifth charge to add to your responsibilities? I wouldn’t blame you if you resented your parents and cut them off after you move out, honestly. That’s definitely a toxic, if not abusive, situation. You’re their brother, not their father, and I can understand expecting you to help but your baby sister’s diapers are her responsibility, not yours.
I don’t feel like it’s ridiculous for you to express being unhappy at having another sibling. Someone else is having babies they expect you to put your formative years on hold to take care of, and anyone outside the situation should realize that unless you were calling names and cursing people out, you’re not an asshole for this.
I’m a parent. I would never expect my son to look after his sister with the same care that I would. It’s unreasonable and it isn’t his job to parent his siblings. Just like it’s not yours. ###### |
Hello fellow assholes, first off thank you for giving my some perspective on my previous post about me and my wife. It helped us start a conversation and reach a better position in our marriage.
My wives cousin let’s call her Sara wants to move in with us because she recently had her second baby and wants more room to raise her family. Both me and my wife were the first people to marry outside our races and we came from very different backgrounds. My wife is huge on family and I’m not so much.
My wives family has lived with us before her aunt lived with us lived with us for two years when she fell on hard times till she got a good job and moved out. Her other cousin lived with us for a year after getting out of prison until he also got a job and moved out, I was fine with all of this.
I am not ok with Sara moving in with us, Sara is a single mother of two kids who lives completely off government assistance, government housing, utilities, food stamps you name it. Tax dollars provide her entire life. She has been doing this for 7 years, has no job and does not intend to get one. I fully believe she just wants to live with us to have a bigger and better house and lifestyle. If she moves in she will never move out. She lives in low income New Jersey housing we live in a 6 bedroom in Minnesota.
She says he have the room and it’s our duty to help out family, I told her I’m not willing to help a grown woman who doesn’t want to help herself. So am I the asshole? ###### | NTA.
It's not your job to provide for her kids. If she wants a better life let her earn it. ###### |
Okay so I'm a queer woman in a relationship with a straight man. I don't shout my sexuality from the rooftops but I'm also not willing to hide it or pretend it's not a part of my identity.
Title is slightly misleading but basically my (24F) boyfriend (27M) just told me "I wish our relationship was more simple and it was just a heterosexual relationship where we love eachother"
This fucking confused me because we've been together for 6 years, neither of us have ever cheated or been unfaithful but he's always had some lowkey issues with me being queer simply because it makes him feel insecure, but he's not really vocal about it except for this instance and a few others. This one really bothered me though.
Here's where I may be TA, I'm about to get my period and I'm not sure if it's the heightened emotions or what but what he said stung and I immediately yelled and got really angry and said "what the fuck does that mean? it basically is a heterosexual relationship where we love eachother except I'm not straight". He said that it was confusing, I told him I know he's smarter than that and it's not complicated at all.
Now I'm not talking to him and I'm still really pissed off.
This isn't the first time we've fought about this and I'm getting tired of it.
AITA? ###### | NTA.
It's not confusing. What he means is that he has insecurities and it's easier to put that on your sexuality than it is to look within himself and get that shit fixed.
6 years is a lot of time to waste with someone who views your sexuailty as problematic. Make sure this gets dealt with, not swept under the rug until next time. Stick to your guns whether that means a heart to heart or going to therapy to get this sorted. DO NOT SETTLE for someone willing to make you feel bad to make themselves feel better.
Edit: and don't let him make this about your period. Girl this is queerphobia were talking about you'd be pissed regardless of whether or not a shining elevator of blood was about to burst forth. ###### |
So last weekend, a few mates and I got together and had drinks/dinner while watching bad movies. The apartment belonged to Sophia. At some point, she asked if I could get something out of her walk-in pantry while she cooked. Her and another of my friends locked me in. I have claustrophia as a result of trauma I experienced as a child (I don't feel comfortable sharing online). They are aware of it. So I panicked and begged them to let me out. After 2-3 minutes of them laughing, I couldn't take it anymore so I kicked the door which broke the hinges and caused it to fall off. It was only small and made of seemingly flimsy wood. I ended up having a screaming match with the two that locked me in while a third friend arrived. Said third friend agreed that what they did was terrible but the other two said I overreacted and should pay for the door. I disagreed so my friend and I left. Sophia has contacted me asking for money but I'm steadfast in believing I shouldn't pay for anything. I also think I'm owed an apology. AITA? ###### | NTA.
It was childish AF to lock you in the pantry and to not let you out after begging. They are definitely sucky for that.
You may want to use this as an opportunity to seek out some new kinder mates and reevaluate how much you desire keeping the friendship with these original ones.
Best of luck. ###### |
My parents pay for my undergraduate degree and also pay for my brother’s masters. He graduated from his undergraduate 4 years ago, and I’m finishing mine this year, I literally am just missing one more period and I finish my classes. I really want to finish my undergraduate and have my graduation with my friends.
COVID-19 has had an economic impact on my family, fortunately we have everything we need, but it has come to the point where my parents believe they cannot have us both enrolled in university, just one of us. Either way, one of us would have to pause their studies so the other can continue. He wants to continue even though he’s not close to finishing his studies yet and he already has his undergraduate degree. I want to continue because I’m so close to finishing, i just have one more period to go and I’m done.
So, am I the asshole?? ###### | NTA.
In the long run the one period you need will be cheaper. Can your brother take loans for the period he can’t be helped? ###### |
We've been dating for about 18 months now and living together for just over 8. Her apartments closer to both of our works. Her sister (S) moved in 2 months ago as she's pregnant, her husbands in the army and the rest of the families in a different state.
My GFs a nurse and has been working some pretty long hours, to take the load of my GF I've been pretty much doing all the cooking, washing and cleaning.
I have a lot of work to do so I'm just pretty much keeping to myself and not really trying to inconvenience anyone. I eat around after every 3 hours so whenever I eat I also make a little something for her as well.
So the problem is that whenever GF gets off from work she always ends up having to giver her sister a massage which I suspect is because she's pregnant but I don't know. GF and I got into a sort of whisper argument where she called me an AH as I should help S out when she's in pain.
Her reasons for:
* AH move not helping a pregnant women when she's in pain
* GF is stressed & tired with having to work long hours and would rather spend what little time she has relaxing
* I give GF massages when she's sore so whats the difference
* And I give good massages (mom was a masseuse)
My reason:
* Its a bit weird giving someone you're not close to a massage
We kind of agreed to continue the conversation in the morning when she wakes for her shift, bit I need to know whether I'm in the wrong or not so that's why I'm here. ###### | NTA.
If you're not comfortable doing it, you're not comfortable. No discussion needed.
Your girlfriend needs to respect your boundaries. ###### |
So, my mom doesn't really do boundaries. I was assigned female at birth but identify as male. Because of the pandemic I haven't been able to start things that I planned to start. Ever since I started puberty she does this thing where she is in the bathroom while I shower.
It started with her coming in and going to the bathroom while I'm showering. But now that I'm out of the closet, she tends to come in right after I've started my shower. She will not only go to the bathroom while I'm showering, but also brush her teeth and complain at me about my dad, who is her ex-husband.
I end up having to tell her to get out most of the time. She doesn't seem to understand why I won't dry off in the shower while she keeps talking at me. I feel like she's waiting to see me naked so that she can see if I've done anything to "damage" my body, as she puts it. It makes me really uncomfortable.
She insists it's perfectly normal for mothers to be in the bathroom while their kids are showering but I'm 21 now. And she thinks it's fine for her to be in there because she "grew me inside of her". She can't see my reasoning for why it makes me uncomfortable, no matter how many times I try to explain it to her.
AITA for not wanting her to come into the bathroom while I'm showering? ###### | NTA.
If my parents came into the bathroom while I was taking a shower I'd lose my shit. Not really okay for anyone to be in the bathroom with you, unless you want them to be. Also, maybe invest in a door lock as a solution? ###### |
AITA: for getting frustrated with my MIL and now SIL just stopping bye whenever they feel like it.
So I am going to start off I generally like my MIL... My husband and I live in a small town and MIL lives 2 minutes away. SIL is currently long visit and is staying with the in-laws. We have had issues with her just showing up since we have been together (3 and half years now). Husband has tried to talk to MIL but it keep happening.
This week they tried to stopped by without calling while husband and I were having “some couple time.” Dog was barking but we didn’t hear anything. After we were done I had missed call from SIL. She said they dropped by and asked what we were doing ... I lied. Husband was upset. This was not the first time MIL has knocked on the door while we were doing the act.
Today, SIL calls husband ... he ignores it because he is playing a game. I have the front door open so the dog can lay on the chair and watch the street (she is a chihuahua). She starts barking more than usual. I go to look out and step out of the house. There I see my MIL and SIL coming up to my door. I told them, “So you call husband and when doesn’t answer you just come over?”
AITA? ###### | NTA.
I’ve had conversations with my husband about MIL doing the same thing in the beginning as well. I might have said truthfully what I was doing, though, just so they’d feel super awkward and never come over unannounced again. ###### |
Obviously I know what my diagnoses are now, but I just wanted some other verdicts on this. And for reference, I am 18f.
When I was four years old, I was diagnosed with mosaic Turner Syndrome (TS). I won't get too into this, but basically I knew that I was 'different' because of all the medications I had to take and doctors I had to see. I always asked my parents why I had to do all this extra stuff while my younger siblings didn't, but they always didn't answer me. But when I was 12 years old, my mom sat me down and told me that I had turner syndrome, and what it exactly was, and that explained so much about me.
I had been seeing a psychologist for many years, and one day when I was 13, I was taken in to do this all-day test thing that I didn't know why I was doing it. I do remember that my mom and my psychologist made me go out of the room while they discussed the results. Last night, I was filling out health stuff for college, and as my mom was looking it over, she added non-verbal learning disorder (NVLD) to the list of various health concerns I had. Obviously, that was news to me, and she didn't really say much about it, just gave me my laptop back. After researching stuff, NVLD does explain some aspects of my personality as well as some physical stuff.
I'm just angry that my mom hid all this stuff from me, and I'm wondering if my anger is even justified at all. I haven't lashed out or anything, just silently fuming. I did try asking once why I was kept in the dark for all this time, and they just said that I was too young and wouldn't have understood then. However, many teachers and adults have described me as perceptive and intelligent for my age, and I have met various TS girls who had been told about and understood the condition at a very young age.
So was my mom in the wrong? Or is my anger unjustified? ###### | NTA.
I was very sick in second grade. I’m now 32. I still have no idea what I was diagnosed with (all I know is my white cell count was in the basement and I missed a lot of school in first and second grade). My mom died without telling me. Who fuckin knows? Not I.
It’s incredibly damaging and irresponsible to not tell you about your own medical history. Are there other things she hasn’t told you that you have?! ###### |
My inlaws passed away 5 months apart from various health issues 2years ago. My husband (34M) & me (31F) have been married for 9 years and we have a 4yr old. He was generally a cheerful guy, But since his parents have passed away, he has been playing the victim card for every little disagreement we have had.
For example -
Me: "Can you take the garbage out?"
Him: "Can't you see I'm still grieving and not ready to do these things yet? Can you stop pestering me!!"
Things came to a head recently when he said he wished my parents were dead instead of his parents. I swallowed that comment as he was crying looking at a picture of his parents.
Now a month later he says he has never said anything of that sort and I'm the "Demon" who has such terrible thoughts about him. He is giving me the silent treatment now and says I'm the problem for not loving him.
Please help me on what to do. I can't keep saying sorry and groveling for no fault of mine. ###### | NTA.
i think you need to harden your heart a little in this situation. i think a touch of tough love/reality will hopefully help him see what he is doing. because this is how marriages end.
i think (and really, feel free to tell me to piss off - i'm just feeling chatty, i guess) that you need to tell him a few real hard facts. i am a big fan of separating myself from my emotional state and trying to be as objective as possible - "channel my inner Vulcan" as i tell my kid - so i would definitely do what you need to do to prepare - no one likes the tough love talks.
the facts are that while he is greiving, he is also starting to develop a martyr complex - get off your cross, it's winter and we need the wood. he is shirking his responsibilities and doing some weird gaslighting shit. When he denies it (and he will) just wave your hand and say something like:
"See? THIS is what i'm talking about. THIS shit is not okay. Don't treat me like i am so dumb you can talk over me and change the facts. We are a team, and a family, and you and i both know you are having a hard time. You are not being co-captain, you are happy to be warming the bench. Find someone to talk to if you won't do therapy and won't be honest with me. I don't care how, but i care that you are able to live the life your parents would want you to have. The way you are behaving isn't really in line with that. Lashing out at me, creating all this constant drama and strife - that's definitely a sign that you need to find a way to process this. I love you, but i am not responsible for your emotions.You are. I can't fix you, we all fix ourselves. I am your wife and i am here to support you and love you. You don't need therapy? Well I don't need another child to raise. I need my husband. Your parents raised you to be a good man - so BE a good man."
This is all pulled out of my ass, of course, and theoreticals are easier than actualities. I am an overthinker though, and reherse in my head, and try to anticipate reactions, and how i would address that, etc, etc. i always try very hard to be kind, and calm, and empathetic - but i am rock solid, no give. it's like cotton candy over a rock.
i hope things get better for you; even if you think i have my head up my ass, all g - i just feel for you ###### |
Throwaway because everyone involved knows my main. I am on mobile and fat fingered so forgive grammer spelling and formatting mistakes.
I dont feel comfortable putting too much detail in this so I will keep it short. If you need more info ask.
With that out of the way, lets begin. So i recently proposed to my girlfriend and we are getting married sometime next year. My fiance has gone into full planning mode. While we were talking about guests I brought up my friend who we will call leah. Leah has known my since we were children and has been one of my closest friends for many years. I obviously wanted her to be there.
Only problem is that she and I tried dating in university and slept together. It didnt work out and after a period of awkwardness we got back to where we used to be. She came out as lesbian a year afterwards and admitted that she had only slept with me becausr she was unsure of her feelings.
I told my fiance about this sometime earlier and eversince things have been ice between her and leah. She is now adamant not to have leah at the wedding. I really want her to be there but i also want respect my fiances wishes so here I am asking you. AITA? ###### | NTA.
I mean, I'm also a jealous person...but *come on*. Not only was your "relationship" with Leah abrupt, but she's a lesbian!
Your wife is insecure. You should be allowed to have your closest friends at your wedding. ###### |
I’m 22F. Boyfriend “Joe” 22M. BF’s brother “Dan” 25M.
I’ve been living with Joe for 2 years now, and we’ve been dating for 4. Dan is Joe’s maternal half brother and he’s been living with their mom for his entire life—he’s never moved out, until now he has to because their mom finally got sick of him and kicked him out.
I don’t dislike Dan, but I know he’s a slob. He’s getting kicked out of their mom’s house because he never does anything for himself or the house (no cooking, no cleaning—not even after himself, no buying groceries, no paying bills, etc.). Basically he just acts like he’s still a kid who has no responsibility to himself or his home and spends all the money he makes at his job on weed and new stuff for himself.
When Joe came to me about possibly renting one of our spare rooms to Dan for awhile, I told him my reasoning above and said I wasn’t okay with it. I thing Dan is nice to hang out with, but I refuse to live with him. I don’t trust him to pay his rent or supplement any of the other expenses in the house like groceries/internet/cable/etc. I don’t trust him to help out around the house or not smoke weed inside. I don’t expect him (or Joe) to cook, because I do all the cooking and I like it, but if he’s not going to help out at all he’s not living with me and eating the food I cook and (mostly) pay for myself.
Joe was upset. He can understand my reasoning, but he thinks we should let Dan move in because he can’t afford to rent a house on his own, and he doesn’t want his brother to be homeless. I still firmly say no and believe Dan should try moving in with his girlfriend or one of his friends.
Joe is now proposing we do a trial run and let Dan move in for a month, and if he doesn’t meet my expectations we have him move out. I told him I’d think about it, but honestly I don’t think it’s worth the hassle because I strongly doubt he’d meet my expectations.
AITA if I say no to Dan moving in, even for a month long “trial run”? ###### | NTA.
I guarantee you if you let him move in, a month from now you'll be kicking yourself - and Dan also won't be moving out. The "trial run" thing is a farce - depending on where you live, he more than likely will be considered a legal tenant at that point and so getting him out isn't easy or quick should he decide to dig in his heels. Also, based on Joe's reaction to your objections, I don't see a scenario where Joe relents and asks his brother to leave after a month.
I get that it's his brother and so it's hard for Joe, but part of why Dan is this way is due to his enablers allowing him to be this way - his mom, and now his brother. It would be a good thing for Dan to have to figure out his own living situation his family swooping in to make life easy for him.
You are completely in the right here. ###### |
So, my daughter's Father owes a ton of back child support. Part of the outstanding balance is taken from his paychecks along with each current payment. It's not enough to pay it all back before she's 18, but it is deducted nevertheless. Anyway, he got a letter in the mail from the US Treasury Dept telling him that they've intercepted his $1200 corona stimulus check, and it will be applied to the back child support he owes. He almost immediately contacted me to tell me about the letter and how he was counting on that money. He was very upset that they would do that to him in a "it's not fair" kind of tone. I gathered that he believes that the money that is already garnished from his paychecks should have been enough to avoid additional consequences for being a former "deadbeat" Had he been keeping up with the stimulus check news then he would have known that this was going to happen. They announced that back child support debtors would not get checks a while ago. To his credit, he has been a consistent father in our daughter's life since the Attorney General's office caught up with him several years back and garnished his wages. And we have been on civil coparenting terms with few issues. But now, he has projected his frustration and bind onto me because he had already spent the stimulus money in his head that he isn't getting. I know this pandemic has hit people in the pockets, but he has not mentioned being in a bad financial situation since he is still able to work these days. I don't know what he planned on using the money for, and I don't ever ask him for extra money whenever I'm in a tight spot. AITA if I decline handing it over to him when I get it??
Le sigh... ###### | NTA.
How about the fact that it wasn’t fair to your child or you that he was a deadbeat for such a long time? ###### |
Our house has a weird layout. My bedroom is downstairs, general living space and the bathroom are upstairs. To get to the shower, I have to walk up the stairs and through the living room. Each time I have a shower, I wrap myself in a towel and walk through the living room to go downstairs. It’s a bath sheet, it covers everything down to my knees. The only thing really showing is my shoulders. My Dad has said things a couple of times but I didn’t know it was a real issue. Today I was walking through the living room after my shower and he glared at me. I asked what was wrong and he said, “I guess I don’t have naked women in my house very often.” I said I wasn’t naked and I have worn dresses and other outfits more revealing than a towel. He just scoffed at me.
I can’t really get a bathrobe now. But too be honest I don’t really like them, and I don’t see why I should have to get one when a towel is really sufficient for a 5-sec walk through the living room. I never do it in front of company or anything. I guess I could get dressed in the bathroom but I like to lounge a bit and do skincare and hair care in my room before getting dressed.
AITA for doing this or is he the one overreacting? ###### | NTA.
Has he never seen you at the beach?
Him saying that sounds really creepy/weird too. You’re his daughter, not just some “naked woman” in his house. ###### |
Hear me out.
For reference, my (23f) family is quite large. I was also quite large until I moved out at 18 and lost 65 lbs (29kg). I went from obese my entire life, to having a normal BMI and finally being healthy.
My older sister (27f, also severely obese) has a 2 year old son. He is currently 50 lbs (23kg). He has a hanging stomach and actual fat rolls.
I live in a different country than my family (I moved) so I don't see them often in person, but I see pictures on social media. Every picture it seems he is only getting bigger. Now that it's summer, they're posting pictures of him without a shirt on and you can just see how huge his stomach is and how he has back rolls. It breaks my heart and frustrates me because I know what it's like to grow up obese and how difficult it makes your life.
In almost every picture, he is eating some sort of junk food. Whenever they call me, they're giving him some candy/chips in the background. It seems they just feed him bad foods all day every day. I try to give them advice on nutrition but they don't want to hear it. They embrace the "I'll eat what makes me happy" lifestyle and know almost nothing of nutrition at all.
Finally, I kind of snapped and told them he's fat and they need to pay attention to his health. My mom and sister got so pissed off that they actually blocked me on social media and called me an AH for making fun of a 2 year old. I didn't mean to make fun of him, I just care for his health since I know how the extra weight can bring you down both physically and mentally. Also I of course did not call a 2 year old fat to his face as it's not even his fault that he's obese, it's the adults fault.
What do you guys think? AITA? ###### | Nta.
Fuck i was expecting a ... But 50lbs at 2...how is his lttle heart handling that. My 4 year old isn't that heavy. ###### |
Backstory my(23F) step father(59M) passed away over 2 years ago suddenly. Prior to his passing my sister(38F) wasn't very active in his life, she wouldn't call, visit, etc... Dad would call her at least twice a week every week and write her letters. The whole family attempted to reach her aswell but she refused to talk with our father. Christmas before he passed she showed up to the house, yelled at him and called him and various family members pretty much every name in the book and said never to contact her again.
Fast forward 4 months and our father passed away unexpectedly. She made an appearance at the funeral then she disappeared, and up until a few weeks ago when she showed up at my home out of the blue.
Our father had a will, I was listed as in charge of his estate and all of his possessions but he did have very specific possessions in his will to be given to his son(35M) and other daughter(33F). There was also specific instructions that sister(38F) wasn't to be given anything.
When she came to my home she handed me a list of our dads possessions that she wanted. Most of the items on the list were already given to the perspective family members, I was just gonna give her some of our fathers motorcycle memorabilia and be done with it. Well she decided that wasn't enough and has been threatening legal action against me stating that my house that our father left to me should be hers and that because she's the oldest that she has legal right to it. After she said this I decided to not give her anything and told her if she came back I'd have her arrested for trespassing.
Ever since this encounter a good portion of our family is harassing me for this stating how that because I'm not his real daughter I shouldn't be so greedy towards his possessions and to give my sister some things.
My other siblings agree with my decision but a part of me still feels like I'm being an asshole. ###### | NTA.
Firstly, sorry for your loss. Secondly. You have executed the request of his will and you are the heir to everything he left behind to you. She can threaten legal action however there is a willlll, a legal document already establishing who does and doesn’t get what.
She chose to act however she acted toward your dad and is now suffering the after consequences of lack of communication with him.
You owe her nothing. ###### |
I hate boats. I am deathly afraid of boats. Can’t stand them. Whenever I’m on one my legs start to shake and I can’t breathe. Now I don’t live in a particularly aquatic town so it’s a pretty easy fear to live with. I just don’t get on boats.
Everyone in my family knows this, including my step mom. But yesterday, my dad and my step mom sat my brother and I down. They said they booked a family cruise for September. I said no way in hell am I getting on a fucking boat.
My step mom says
“I know you don’t like boats, but it’s a large boat so you won’t even know your on one!”
Which is one of the stupidest things I’ve heard her say. I say yeah no, refund my ticket and I’ll go stay with my mom. Step mom starts bawling, and talking about how it’s “her dream to go on a cruise”. Which is so bullshit. Last week it was her dream to own a Tesla”
She says that I’ve ruined the family trip. I say that it’s not a family trip if she’s coming because she’s not family. Which was a low blow, I take full responsibility for that. But to me she’s still the women my dad cheated on my mom with. She starts crying even harder, and runs into her room and slams the door.
My dad is mad at me now, and my brother thinks I was being rude, which is true. I was. But I’ve been pretty clear that I will not get on a boat. And to clarify, she wants my brother and I to take two weeks off of school for this trip! It’s my first year of highschool and my brothers senior year so it’s kinda important that we don’t miss two weeks. AITA? ###### | NTA.
Everyone knew that you are afraid of boats, including your step mother.
Did that stop her from booking the cruise? No. Did you *ruin* the vacation? Also no.
Yes, your comment was pretty low. But the way I see it is that you are still angry that your father cheated on your mother, splitting the family apart (Entirely reasonable, affairs are extremely wrong).
Your father is mainly to blame; if he stayed loyal this situation wouldn’t have happened. ###### |
So basically what the title says but I will give you more details. Members of my family think AITA because I've requested that they only call me before 11am or after 8pm. Why? Because my boyfriend works 10pm to 7:00AM and I follow his schedule. I don't work because I am disabled and by following his schedule I get to spend more then an hour or 2 with him. And I don't want to turn my ringer on my phone off just in case there is an emergency. I don't get any other phone calls except from my family and a couple friends. Hell even my doctors offices have mainly followed my request. They only call me after 11AM if there something major they need to talk to me about. And my friends have all agreed to respect my request. However members of my family think I'm being completely unreasonable and think if they want to call me they can. And I said if they do I will just block their number because I don't want to disturb my boyfriend while he is asleep. I've told all of them there is absolutely nothing so important that can't wait until 8pm to call. And its not like any of them go to bed before then. I've told them to text me (I have my notifications on silent) asking me to call them when I wake up and I'll call them back.
I'm just not seeing why this is such a horrible request. If I'm in the wrong can someone people point it out to me. Thanks ###### | NTA.
Do Not Disturb mode should be your best friend. You can set it so if a certain number calls X times in a row, it’ll ring like normal. In an actual emergency, hopefully they would call you more than once to alert you to the situation. ###### |
Guys, please tell me if I was too harsh with my roommate. I’m going to admit that I find her pretty annoying and slightly racist.
We live in an apartment building that caters to student housing. They rent by the bedroom, so I did not know my roommate before I moved in at the beginning of the semester ( she was there first and has had three other roommates)
Now, either she’s ignorant or racist but there are things that she does that bothers me. She constantly asks me questions about “black” things. Think, “Do black people really....” When she saw me make my dinner one time she said “wow black people really can cook!” And offered to pay me to cook for her. She calls me “boo”. She just seems like an alien that has never met a black person before.
The thing that annoys me most is that she is constantly asking me to teach her how to twerk and shake her ass, or to do it myself. I am actually a ballet dancer, and while I have nothing against ass shaking, it annoys me that it is all that I am boiled down to.
Before this whole lock down mess it was easy to avoid her. Now I’m stuck with her and she’s getting on my nerves.
Last night she busted into my room playing Ass by Big Sean on her phone. I was reading. She had a bit to drink and started asking me to dance with her and show her how to twerk. I told her no. And she begged me, saying “come on I want to learn!” I said “It’ll he hard to learn with no ass...” And she actually got super upset about that y’all! She started yelling about how she was trying to have fun with me, calling me stuck up, and *crying*.
She went to her room and left me alone for the rest of the night, this morning I said hello to her and she’s ignoring me. It seems like I really hurt her feelings. At the same time, maybe it taught her not to bother me. Idk, am I an asshole for saying she has no ass? ###### | NTA.
But now she probably thinks black people are rude, as you are somehow the official spokesperson.
She'll survive. ###### |
My husband (37m) and I (37f) have been together 21 years married 18. I have a low capacity stomach. I am the type who orders a single burger, no fries and drink, and be full. It's been a running joke in our marriage that I eat like the birds.
Anyway, he is out of work (chef) and we decided it would be best for him to extend his quarantine time due to him being high risk. Since then he has become a huge "food pusher." He asks if I'm hungry and I ask for 1 egg and he brings me 4. Or he insists on making my plate and gives me a large man sized portion.
What's worse -for me- is when i balk at the amount he laughs at me and says he "has faith I can finish it." When I don't he gets upset at me for wasting food. I feel like I'm being set up.
I have tried talking to him. I have tried being patient and telling myself he is overcompensating since he is out of work. But I am have gained 10lbs and am constantly nauseous from overeating. Yesterday I was finally fed up and forcefully asked "Why do you keep doing this?" He shut down and went for a walk. It's been strained cordiality ever since. ###### | NTA.
But I can see that as him being a chef maybe he’s missing his work a lot and finding it hard to get out of the habit of cooking a lot?
HOWEVER that being said.. you guys have been together since you were 16! He knows that this is what you are like. And he shut down when you asked him why he’s doing this? does he want you bigger? Is there something more weird going on? Me personally, i’d be telling him to back off or calmly explain that you’re making your own meals from now on as he obviously can’t respect your boundaries when it comes to food. ###### |
It takes 2 people 2 hours to open the store properly. My teammate wasn’t there at 9. I texted him at 9:15 asking if he was on his way. No answer. I went into solo mode in case he didn’t show up. He finally responds almost 2 hours later saying he was distraught over his childhood friend getting killed in a car crash. I told him to take care of himself & I’d see him next week. I’ve dealt with death of a loved one enough to have sympathy, which is why I didn’t fire him on the spot. He’s good at the job & easy to work with. On his next shift I had him sign a write up. He got upset, he shuts down when he’s mad & becomes passive aggressive. I wrote on the sheet that because of his track record I wouldn’t suggest dismissal. I told him it was policy to be fired but since I had authority to waive that, it was just a formality. I just had another employee do a no call/no show because she read the schedule wrong. I also gave her a second chance with just a write up because it inconvenienced no one but me. Different circumstances but I can’t write one up & not the other.
So, Am I the Asshole? He’s been sulky & talking shit about me. In my professional mind I know I had no choice but my heart hurts because of it. ###### | NTA.
Being upset doesn’t negate your ability to send a quick text saying you won’t be in. ###### |
Awhile back, I (18F) had a doctor's appointment regarding some issues about my period. I hadn't had a period for about year, and I was getting worried, because I'm not sexually active.
My mom went with me to the doctor's appointment and into the room with me for the exam. When the doctor was having me lie down to listen to my breathing, she told the doctor that "you know, she has a lot of stretch marks". I didn't bring anything up about that at all during the exam, and it was quiet when she brought it up.
It was really embarrassing, and I tried not to cry, because I didn't want to cause issues at the doctor's office.
It wasn't until yesterday that I brought it up during a talk with her. I told her that I thought it was very rude to bring something up like that and it was mean. I told her that I don't go to her doctor's appointments and tell them about her stretch marks. She told me that she thought that the doctor should know about it. I told her angrily that if I thought it was important I would tell the doctor or the doctor would ask me about it.
My dad was nearby while we were talking and said that I was being rude to my mom who had good intentions and that I shouldn't have said that to her and should also apologize. AITA? ###### | NTA.
And I find it incredibly weird and a bit creepy that, at 18yo, your mother still goes into the room with you for an exam. Unless my kids specifically requested me, I stopped doing that about age 12.
Also...why the hell would she know about your stretch marks? Doesn't she give you any privacy at all??? ###### |
Basically I went out on my lunch break and left my AirPods on my desk, keep in mind I work in a very small office with 7 other people who I trust.
When I got back to my desk I looked for my AirPods and I was certain I’d left them on my mouse pad as I always do I checked my draws and on the floor in case I’d knocked them down without noticing, meanwhile my co worker walks over and asks if I was okay and I tell them I was just looking for my AirPods and then they walked off.
15 mins later the same coworker comes up to me and puts my AirPods on my desk and says I shouldn’t leave things like that around and says he did it to teach me a lesson.
I snapped and told him not to take my stuff again, I’m not sure if I over reacted but I don’t like my stuff being taken to “teach me a lesson”
AITA ###### | NTA.
ALSO report them to your boss so they cut they shit. I wonder how many other times he’s taught a lesson. ###### |
At my local grocery store, there are parking spots designated for pregnant/ new moms and veterans.
I’m about 32 weeks pregnant with twins, or 7 months for those of you who don’t speak pregnant. I had to go to the grocery store and as I was pulling up, I noticed one of those spots open and took it. As I was getting out of my car another car pulled up and told me I couldn’t park there because it was for veterans. I said it was for pregnant women and veterans, and I was one of those 2 so I could park there. Guy in the car essentially said I didn’t need to park there and he deserved it because he was a vet. He then pointed out some parking spots close by and told me to park there. I said I was already parked, out of my car and well within my right to park in a spot designated for both of us, and it wasn’t my fault I got to it first. I gestured to the parking spots he did and said he could park there, and walked around his car to enter the store. As I was walking in, a guy who heard the interaction told me I should have just moved and that he fought for our country, I could have given up the spot, and when I walked by the man from the car he said I was very rude.
I called my mom on the way home from the grocery store to tell her about the weird experience, and she agreed that I should have just moved, and now I kind of feel like a dick.
AITA? ###### | NTA.
All respect to vets, but you are currently 7 months pregnant with TWINS, likely with swollen ankles and back pain. If he was able-bodied I believe you deserved that parking spot.
Either way, you were already parked and out of your car while he was perfectly capable of parking in one of the nearby spots. ###### |
I moved into an apartment on the ground floor of a house which is split up into three apartments. The house next door is owned by a couple with several kids.
The woman who lives there has a temper... A few times, when I've been hanging out with friends in the back yard, she's yelled at us over stuff. Playing music with cusses where her kids can hear, being too "slutty" with each other, which was awkward... Etc.
As far as I can tell she never does this in front of her husband or kids. Her husband isn't home often, it seems.
Then, a while later, I was out getting my mail when four people walked by, the neighbor lady, her husband, and two older people who I think were either her parents or her husband's parents.
The husband asked me if I knew there was water leaking from the hose in the front yard of my house. He seemed friendly and like he was trying to be helpful.
I said I hadn't known, maybe the maintenance guy left it on.
But then I got a really weird feeling about how the woman that has said so much nasty stuff was standing with her family acting really chill in front of them.
I said "Hey, excuse me, aren't you the lady who's called my friends and I sluts, (homophobic slur), and (c-words) ? I was hoping to talk to you at a calmer moment.
She said no right away.
I then, knowing full well that she was that lady, said "Oh sorry, perhaps I'm confused. There's a lady who lives in that house, mid 40s, heavyset with chin length brown hair, smokes out back every night, who's said all those things and more, and I really don't appreciate it. Do you have a sister? A roommate?"
She cut me off and said maybe it's better I leave, and so I did. I heard fighting from that house that night and I think it was because of what I said, her husband and the older couple seemed shocked by some of it.
AITA for calling my neighbor out on front of her family? ###### | NTA.
1. Your neighbor could’ve just as easily approached you calmly and asked you to stop whatever you were doing. She did not need to resort to homophobic slurs and name calling.
2. You approached her respectfully while putting her in her place. It’s funny how she never says any of this stuff when anyone else is around to hear her, but the second you try to call her out she denies it. If she can’t handle owning her hateful words in front of her family, that sounds like a her problem.
3. While you *could* have waited for a more private moment, she was very open about her attitude toward you and your friends from the get-go. She probably thought you’d never confront her. ###### |
We are unemployed due to COVID-19 and trying to save and budget our money.
My girlfriend just excitedly told me she just spent over $300 in house plants for a house we rent expecting me to be happy as well. Needless to say, I got a bit angry and told her that it was a really dumb financial decision at this time.
Now she is mad at me and is calling me a dick for not being excited as well.
Am I the asshole?
Edit because people are asking: we have been in a 10 year committed relationship and share all of our finances. ###### | NTA.
$300 for plants during this difficult time is irresponsible esp being unemployed. You have every right to be upset. I would’ve returned it for a refund. ###### |
Some context: I have a strict "no lending" policy on money, I won't let anyone starve, but I'd rather buy you lunch rather than give you the money. It's something my parents taught me and it helps to weed out who's just lying to get a fix of whatever.
Due to lay-offs, we are all struggling, but I have a savings account with some emergency money. I've literally starved to be able to put some money aside every month, and it's not much, but it's something to fall back on.
Last month, one of the guys I work with started sending me texts asking for money. I said no, he asked someone else and got it so I didn't feel too bad about it. This month, as soon as we got paid, he started the texts again, and again, I said no. I know he's good for it, I'm sure by the end of the month he would pay me back and we're friends. I even pay for drinks when we go out because I know he doesn't have much.
Here's the thing though. I work 12/14 hour shifts. I work myself to the bone to be able to save up and I don't spend money on myself, aside for bare necessities. And this guy, even though he's a good worker, doesn't. He misses work half of the week, gets in late and, even though his schedule is always the same, he sends a text everyday asking what time he gets in, even on my days off.
Now, there are a lot of reasons why I shouldn't lend him money, he gets financial aid from the government and wastes it all on weed, he mooches of other people for places to crash, food and alcohol and takes stuff from work to take to his dealer to pay for more weed.
But none of that matters to me. Even if the money was for something important, what really makes this a solid No is the fact that if he just showed up for work he would have money for his stuff. And even though I could lend him some bucks, why should I have to? I do feel bad for him, and in my mind I keep arguing with myself about it, so I want to know, am I being an asshole here? ###### | NTA.
>I have a strict "no lending" policy on money
That's it, that's all you have to say. All the rest are justifications for not doing it, but you don't owe anyone any explanations, especially not under current circumstances. ###### |
Back story: my cousin is 13 and has some learning delays. She cant. Be left alone due to her have a very childlike mindset and get into things.
I was told by my grand parents (who I live with when not at school) that my cousin would be coming to live with us over the summer. Now I normally have no problem with her visiting. However, I have 3 jobs lined up and plan in working basically 24/7 to save up for bills, my rent for my apartment next year, insurance and for school. With my cousin being there id be relied on to babysit. And in my family you dont get paid to babysit family. It would be extremely hard to work, sleep and babysit all at the same time. Also i will be giving up 90% of my room. I have a very small room as is. My twin bed takes up over 50% of it. I love my cousin and i know her mom is kind of a jerk and doesn't take the best care of her but idk what else to do. Ive talked to my grandparents about it and even they seem hesitant. However, they keep saying ill have to figure it out and help because they cant do everything. I feel like im putting my financial stability at risk just so my aunt can get a break from her kid. AITA? ###### | NTA.
>However, they keep saying ill have to figure it out and help because they cant do everything.
Translation: "We know this is going to screw you over because it is literally impossible to have you take care of your cousin while you work 3 jobs. However, we do not want to acknowledge this fact openly because it would mean also accepting that we are metaphorically setting you on fire to make us feel less guilty about the crap job our daughter is doing as a a parent for her own kid."
Your grandparents are being assholes if they think there are more than 24 hours in the day or if they think you should be sacrificing your sleep/health to take care of your cousin. I would make a literal schedule, with each hour of the week blocked off with things such as time for sleep, shower/food, job 1, 2 and 3 (don't forget travel time, and bonus points if its color coded. Take it your grandparents and ask them what are hours of the day are remaiming to babysit. My guess that there really isn't any time with 3 jobs. Force them to openly acknowledge what they are making you sacrifice with this shit deal.
WTF is with these older adults parentifying the younger generation? ###### |
I am on a family vacation to my boyfriends hometown so that our baby can meet his side of the family. I have been doing most of the child care as my bf has been working, partying with his fam until 4 or 5 am, and sleeping in till noon when not working..he has been pretty out of sync with me and the baby this whole week and it has been a bit rough for me to be honest.
I love his family but they are big partiers and I am not ...especially now that I am an exhausted new mom.
Tonight I wasn't feeling well so I was still up at midnight and he came in to say that instead of partying just out front like normal (the family all have houses pretty close by) he was going to a party offsite because he wanted to be able to make more noise. I asked him to stay (vivid concerns about the other party but also because I dont want to be here alone). He said everything would be fine and I shouldn't worry. He brought me the car keys in case I need to leave for any reason. He said he would be home in 2 hours but now it has been 4.
I keep hearing noises and feel un settled in the house. It is big and old and his family has been telling me all week how it is haunted. My baby has been waking up screaming a lot here but it didnt bother me as much until being left alone here.
AITA in asking him not to go and for being mad he went and now jas stayed out longer than promised? I know partying and seeing his family is important to him, but due to work he gets out here for a weekend every month and parties regularly. He also parties a lot at home so it isn't like this is his only chance. ###### | NTA.
>he wanted to be able to make more noise
Your SO needs to grow up, and step up. He can't live like a baby now that he has one. ###### |
As you can guess from the title, this is an unbelievably stupid argument I’m having with one of my friends.
I am (16F). I’m currently doing all my schoolwork at home and I did all my stuff on time and I’ve been relaxing this weekend. One of the pieces this week we had to do this week was a small essay for my history class as we’ve just been studying the slave trade.
The subject of it is really fascinating to me and it’s led to conversations in my friend group about race. The friend this post is about is Frank (16M). He is mixed race, his parents are black and white. He had some stories about how some of his ancestors were in the slave trade. No issue talking about it because I think it’s important.
We were talking on a zoom call about race. He talked a lot about black people and I started talking about my background. My mom is white American and my dad is Mexican. He calls himself brown and ive inherited most of his dark features and I feel I’m mixed race. I happened to say that to Frank whilst we were talking about race and he got really mad at me.
He said I didn’t get to call myself mixed race because I’m not in his eyes. He then accused me of being racist and attempting to whitewash the struggles his people have gone through. I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong but he called me an inconsiderate AH and told me not to talk to him again until I “educate” myself on what race is.
It really upset me and I went crying to my dad. He said that technically I wasn’t wrong, I am mixed as my dad isn’t white. He said Frank is probably just upset due to the history period we’re studying and he’s got very heated about it. I think maybe I shouldn’t have said I was mixed race to Frank.
AITA? ###### | NTA.
>he called me an inconsiderate AH and told me not to talk to him again until I “educate” myself on what race is.
What does Frank think "race" is? It's not just colour. You can be light brown or even various shades of beige, with no African heritage, and still be mixed race. And Mexicans have faced plenty of racism. ###### |
I (27F) work full-time and my husband (28M) is a stay at home partner. That means I'm the breadwinner in our relationship, but that's fine. It's a role we're both comfortable with me in and I hate, hate, **hate** chores anyway.
Recently my father-in-law has been making me uncomfortable with his comments. FIL has a habit of making 'jokes' about things my boyfriend has done around the house. He will often comment on my SO's FB posts and pictures with comments like 'another day sweeping the floors?' and calling him a 'domesticated maid'.
We recently had them over for dinner and my husband did an amazing job prepping the house and slow cooking the food. I didn't help out at all, since I was at work all day and I arrived home to him having done everything.
When my FIL found out my husband did the cooking, he straight out asked why I hadn't helped. When I told him I'd been at work, he told me that he would never let his wife, my SO's mother, host a dinner party entirely by herself and would at least prepare a side. The big difference between my FIL/MIL and me/my SO is that his parents both worked full time, which isn't our situation. My FIL looked at my SO and told him 'you know you don't have to live like this'.
Here's where I might be TA. I'd had enough and snapped at him that our situations were very different. And I said that I actually didn't appreciate his attitude to my husband's lifestyle and he had no right to criticise either of us when we're both happy in our choices.
As you can expect, it didn't go well. My in-laws left early and things have been weird since. My husband says that he wishes I'd hadn't spoken up and next time to let him deal with it. But I struggle to agree since he always lets his father walk all over him and sometimes his father is criticising me too.
AITA for standing up for me and my husband against my father-in-law? ###### | NTA.
>'you know you don't have to live like this'.
That implies you are forcing him into this life. If your husband wasn't going to defend the both of you, someone had to. ###### |
Hi. So.
My full name is Elizabeth. I have gone by Elizabeth since I was very small. Of course, throughout the course of my life, people have wanted to shorten it. I have no issue with most nicknames so it doesnt bother me, though I do prefer the full version.
There is one nickname that bothers me, though, and that nickname is Liz.
I HATE that nickname. I'm okay with Lizzy, Ellie, Eliza, Lily, Tess, Libby, any of the million and one nicknames that go with Elizabeth, but I cant STAND LIZ. The reason why is a whole other story.
And everyone, of course, calls me Liz and refuses to stop. Even one of my best friends calls me Liz. I've asked her multiple times to quit, both politely and less politely. She just does it out of habit at this point.
Some of my coworkers recently caught wind of the fact that I hate being called Liz. So of course, the freaking nickname is all they refer to me as. They think its funny.
I know it's just teasing and maybe I'm getting a little too upset, but this is a lifelong annoyance. It's not that hard to use literally any other nickname except for Liz. It's not that hard to just use the full version. I dont feel like I'm asking that much.
I've tried to laugh it off and politely correct them but it never changes. Some people have told me to just ignore them until they call me by my name but I feel like that's really rude and besides this, we are on good terms.
So now I turn to strangers on the Internet. WIBTA if I ignored my coworkers calling me until they call me literally anything other than Liz? ###### | NTA.
Simply ignore them and if they call you out for not answering to Liz simply say “Oh, well how am I supposed to know that you were talking to me? That’s not my name.” ###### |
I live with a sibling, we have been roommates for a while. Their luggage broke down years ago, not long before I bought a set for myself for a little over a $110. Since then every time they go out of town they insist on using mine. I personally don't use them often whereas they go out of town a several times a year.
I don't like lending out my luggage in general because I know luggage breaks down the more the suitcases are used. Plus whatever unexpected things may happen beyond the person's control. The set itself was cheap altogether, which makes makes me think they aren't the best of quality in the first place and therefore aren't expected to last long.
I bought the set so that I'd always have them incase I needed them, which sometimes is unexpected. The fact that another person is putting all the miles on something I bought and could wear or break down before I even get my money's worth out of them doesn't sit well with me.
As for the sibling, we share a lot of mutual stuff as "house stuff" but luggage has never been one of them.
AITA for putting my foot down and telling them they can't use luggage on this trip and to get their own. ###### | NTA.
Once, sure.
Twice, maybe.
Three times, you're not a department store and they need to get their own luggage. ###### |
So growing up my parents and I didn't really have the best relationship. Nothing too bad - they weren't abusive or anything, just extremely emotionally distant. I couldn't talk to them about anything - crushes, heartbreaks, bullying - I had to deal with that all on my own. Luckily I had a great group of friends to lean back on.
Now after graduating, I went off to college (student loans, mind you - my parents believe in letting me pay my own way even though they are more than affluent enough to have helped me out. Which is fine, debt sucks, but at least I'm in control of my own finances). It was great, I was doing well academically, and had a part time job as well.
Now here's the part where I might be an asshole. When I went back home during semester breaks, my parents asked me to pay rent. Lower than market rate, but still substantial for a student like me. I didn't argue, bit my tongue and went with it. All the free time I had went into jobs and chores. I then tried talking to them about it - they said if I wanted to live in their house, I'll have to contribute, and of course that contribution took literally all my time. I didn't really complain after that, but I vowed to myself to completely go my own way once I graduate and get into a position to support myself.
And I did. After I graduated, and landed a job, I went no contact with them and haven't spoken to them in over a decade. They've reached out multiple times over the years but I've always refused. I have my friends, I have a girl I'm going to marry. My own family. Like an actual family.
Why exactly should I get into touch with them? They weren't interesting in being parents, and now I no longer want to be their kid. Simple. Right?
My fiance disagrees. She says I should make an effort to communicate.
So. AITA for not doing so? ###### | NTA.
My parents did the same thing. I paid rent from the time I was 13 when I got my first (under the table) job. When I turned 18, I was expected to move out. College was completely my responsibility. When I came home on break, I was expected to pay rent AND do household chores. After my first semester, I didn't go home for break any more. I simply stopped communicating with them.
I look at it this way. They set the terms for the kind of relationship they wanted to have with me. They did it while I was still a child, and dependent on them. There is absolutely no reason to change that relationship simply because...
They did reach out to me occasionally over the years. Every time it was because they wanted something from me. If I gave it to them, they went back to radio silence.
And one bit of advice...get over the anger. It's nothing more than another link to them. You don't need it. They won't see it. ###### |
Hi everybody,
I live in Germany (so please excuse my grammer and vocab) and here it is forbidden by the law to purchase, use or be in posession of fireworks from the 01.05 to the 28.12 of the year.
Across the street there is an american family living, and on July the 4th they decided to shoot some fireworks. Since it is summer, darkness doesnt fall till around 22:00 (11pm). Around that time my neighborus started shooting of fireworks. I dont mind them having their celebration, but after 45 minutes of ongoing firework (around 1 rocket/minute) i called the police on them. In Germany we have a law which regulates the "Nachtruhe" (Nightrest-time). It states that after 22:00 (10pm) you are not allowed to listen to loud music/tv.
I myself sleep from 10 pm to 6am every day. So i was disturbed in my "Nachtruhe" and woken up by my fellow american neighbours. At first i did not thought anything of it, but since i was unable to sleep and neither did they tell us about them planning to be loud past 22:00 at all. nor did they tell us till when they are going to shoot of fireworks i called the police after 45 minutes (I hoenestly wouldnt care if they were loud for 10 minutes and than got inside, but it is a dick move to make noise for >45 minutes).
I dont know any of them personally/dont have their phonenumber and didnt want to get dressed just to get over to their house to talk to them. Tbh i didnt want to talk to them at all, because it is just an a-hole move to be that loud at that time on a regular german day.
They now have to pay a fine for being too loud and for the illegal posession and usage of fireworks which is around 300€. (By German Standards this is a really really cheap fine, it could have easily been 10.000€).
​
So reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA.
If they are living in Germany, then they need to abide by German laws. There are other ways to celebrate the fourth of July that wouldn't entail breaking local laws. ###### |
I’m a young, single father of two boys (from two different woman if that’s relevant). My older (elementary school age) son decided that since It’s on me I work twice as hard at being a parent. He wanted to honour me today for all I do, so I let him, he picked out a cookie cake for me, made me a card with his brother and help make breakfast with me this morning.
I posted a picture of what they did for me on Facebook. I was surprised at the amount of Negative messages I got from people about my post. Several people told me that it was rude to make this day about me when I already have Father’s Day to celebrate.
Am I the asshole for letting my kids do something special for me today? ###### | NTA.
Haters gonna hate.
I'm the child of a single father, and you bet he got a mother's day card and present every year from me. He did twice the work, he gets twice the credit.
People always want to be salty when thinking something belongs exclusively to them- being a parent with a partner is already a full time job. You're doing both jobs on your own.
Happy mother's day! ###### |
For context, I’m 24 and live on my own.
My little brother Miles is 16 and living with our mom and stepdad.
Miles has had problems in the home, including yelling with his stepdad and mom.
From what miles has told me, his stepdad is verbally abusive to him including telling him that he’s not his real son and that he should get a job and move out as soon as possible.
I was talking to my brother yesterday and he told me that he is so tired of living there and that he wishes he could live with me. (We can bubble with people here now because of Covid).
Apparently our mom heard him saying that he wants to come live with me because she got upset with him and called me saying that he could never come live with me because I’m “irresponsible” and not his “real parent.”
I told her that I’ve been more of a dad than our real dad (he’s in prison) or his stepdad ever has been and she told me that I’m on thin ice and I have to watch my step or I’ll never see him again.
I’m conflicted. I know I’m not his parent but I honestly would take him in. His smart and deserves a good life but at the same time I’m not his parent and I know my mom does love him but she makes bad choices in men.
So AITA? ###### | NTA. "You'll never see him again." LOL. Good luck with that, mom. The kid is 16 not 6. Worst case scenario you'd see him again in a year and some change when he turns 18 and he gets kicked the curb by his super awesome father figure. Counter that threat with "you'll never see me again". ###### |
So I’m ¼ Japanese and ¾ British/French/German. My husband is Scottish/British. We’re expecting our first daughter together early fall and recently got into an impasse about names.
I wanted my daughter’s middle name to be my Japanese grandmother’s name - Miyoko. Not only did I think the name was beautiful and flowed really nicely with the first name we have chosen for her, I wanted to honour my grandmother, who I had a very close relationship but sadly passed away three years ago. She was the one who taught me a bit of Japanese and how to cook her family recipes, I’m very proud of this part of my heritage and intend to pass this along to my daughter.
However, my husband is saying that naming our daughter, who will very likely not look Japanese is culture appropriation. (I disagree with culture appropriation because our daughter will be part Japanese, even though it’s only ⅛ - maybe I’m wrong so please correct me if I am!) Also, he said it would be cruel to give her such a foreign sounding name when she clearly won’t look the part and perhaps other kids might make fun of her for that.
Now, the last thing I want is to give my daughter a name where she would have a hard time with. But at the same time, I genuinely don’t feel like it’s a problem, considering how I think it’s a beautiful name with a significant meaning. It shows off part of her heritage and honours her great grandmother. Also, it’s going to be her middle name so it’s not like that’s what she’ll be referred to on a daily basis. Am I in the wrong here? ###### | NTA. "Why do you have a Japanese middle name? You don't look Japanese"
"It was my great-grandmothers name who my mum really loved"
"Oh, fair enough then"
Also if someone was to ask her this, they would have to be relatively close to her anyway, to not only know her middle name, but then question it ###### |
Throwaway.
So I proposed to my girlfriend beginning of this year. We originally planned to get married this September, but that has obviously been pushed back to next year.
My sister also got engaged last year and her and her fiancé were 100% set to have an April wedding before the pandemic shut everything down. However tragedy struck and her fiancé suddenly passed away this June (Covid death). It has been an extremely tough time for all of us in the family. My sister has been hospitalized on and off for harmful thoughts over the past month and we are all doing our best to support her.
Anyways, now I am fighting with my fiancée because I’m “putting my foot down” so to speak on her latest decision to change our wedding venue to where my sister originally planned hers. My sister had planned to have her wedding at a famous country estate/mansion near where we live.
My fiancée recently told me that she contacted the estate out of curiosity and found out they have openings early next year so she now wants to have our wedding there instead. She visited the place and fell in love and says it’s actually her dream venue. I basically said absolutely not, are you insane? That would be incredibly traumatic for everyone in my family (esp my mom and sisters who already helped my sister and BIL plan their wedding at that exact location).
My fiancée won’t budge and she’s furious I’m not seeing things from her side. She says our wedding could be like a “beautiful tribute” to my sister’s loss but I don’t think anyone would see it that way. More than likely people will think we stole my sister’s wedding ideas and are forcing her to attend out of cruelty. AITA for telling my fiancée her dream venue is an absolute no-go? ###### | NTA. "Tribute of trauma" please keep your stance on this. Its incredibly cruel to your sister . normally id say no one owns a venue, but your circumstances are different. Shit its like your fiance asked for your sisters wedding dress and said "not like your going to use it anymore" shes being extremely inconsiderate
Its very kind of you to keep your sister in mind during all of this as im sure its very hard for her. My condolences to her and his family. ###### |
I'm (20M) in the market for a new TV, the 32 inch Sharp TV I have still runs fine but I want something bigger, I have my eyes on a 65 inch LG Smart TV, I saved up for it and had plans to buy it but my mom told me that if I bought a TV when I already have a perfectly working TV then I'd have to put it in the living room so that everyone (my parents and sibs) can enjoy it.
She said that it was selfish and that I don't need a TV that big for my room especially when I already have one. I said fine and a couple weeks passed and she asked me when I'm buying the TV, I told her that I'm not buying one anymore and she asked why and I said there's no point for me to spend my hard-earned money for a TV that I'm not even allowed to put in my own room.
She went on a tirade about how I'm the most selfish person in the world and that I was selfish to buy a TV in the first place with the intention of putting it in my room and that now the only reason I'm not buying the TV is because I don't want to share.
AITA? I don't know what I did wrong. What's the point of me buying a huge TV when I can't even fully benefit it? ###### | NTA. "Mom, you raised me right, I'm thinking more long-term and I've decided to use that money towards getting my own place instead." ###### |
Last week my in-laws and a few other family members decided to hold an intervention for my husband without my knowledge. They invited themselves over for tea and as soon as they were alone with my husband they started the intervention.
Except this intervention was for his "gaming addiction". They essentially made a mockery of interventions and it looked like some sketch from a comedy channel. They talked about how bad video games are and how my husband is being desensitized to violence.
My teenage daughter has struggled with substance abuse in the past and has had an intervention for it. The whole situation upset my daughter and she left the house to go stay with a friend for some time.
I then went and broke up their "intervention" and told them to be more sensitive towards my daughter. After they left my husband got upset and said I can't kick people out like that. He said it was just a joke and I need to calm down.
I said it clearly wasn't very funny because our daughter doesn't even want to be here for a few days. AITA for reacting like this. ###### | NTA. "Just a joke" is such a poor defense for being inconsiderate towards someone's feelings. Dude should be less calm about mocking his own daughters problems. ###### |
My friend (23F), who we’ll call S, and I (21F) both lost our jobs at the same company due to COVID-19. Since we both graduated last December, we were thinking of applying to grad school because the job market stinks right now. We both really like this one super competitive program and want to apply, but S wants me to wait to apply until the next round of applications because she thinks if we apply in the same round that I’ll get accepted over her.
To be clear, the applications opened Sep. 1st of last year and this is already the third deadline (May 1st). After that, it’s rolling acceptance based on open spots. This is a program I had looked at for months during my last semester in college but ultimately didn’t apply to since I got my dream job offer.
She thinks she has ‘dibs’ because she went to college in the same state as this program and knows a lot of professors there. I think if she already knows people there and I don’t that she has an edge over me anyway so I need to apply as soon as possible to be competitive since they’ve already accepted students in earlier application rounds. She also told me that they are waiving GRE/GMAT scores because of the virus and when I asked her to forward that information to me she said she ‘didn’t want me to have that information because then I would apply straight away’.
I don’t want to lose my friendship with her over this but I also don’t want to miss the opportunity to be eligible for this graduate program. So, AITA?
(Posting on mobile, sorry if the formatting is bad) ###### | NTA. "Dibs" is not how application cycles work. If she has a strong application, she'll get in. Same with you. If she's prepared to lose your friendship over this, I'd question how strong your friendship was to begin with.
Good luck with grad school OP. ###### |
Throwaway because some of my cousins might recognize the situation.
I won't mince words: I'm (22F) the product of an affair. My father comes from a wealthy family and is a businessman in Asia, and my mother used to be a flight attendant in the 90s. My dad has always been there when I was growing up, even if my mom and I live in the US, and has provided for us financially. His “real” family knows about me: he and his wife “Sarah” got married out of business convenience and she’s never resented me or made me feel bad in any way. I’ve always respected her for letting me have a relationship with my older brothers, and letting me come with their family on summer vacations. She even sent our family flowers when my mom got married a few years ago. Sadly Sarah passed away from cancer a few months ago. It’s been rough on my dad and brothers, she was a wonderful, kind woman and I miss her a lot.
Sarah was very, very wealthy and left my brothers a significant inheritance. Apparently she also left me something in her will: a few thousand dollars. I burst into tears when my brothers called me with the news, I didn’t expect her to even acknowledge me in any way as her husband’s bastard child even if we had a good relationship. The problem is my family: my uncles and grandma think that I shouldn’t accept the money because I’m “not family.” My brothers have been saying that over in their country, Sarah’s family is also contesting the will to remove me because I’m not her daughter or related to her in any way. I’ve been feeling pressured to not accept the money even if my dad and brothers say I have every right to accept it. AITA for thinking about taking my inheritance? ###### | NTA. *She wanted you to have it.*
Why should other people, even family, have a greater say in what she does with her money than her?
If she were alive, is this what she would have wanted? Clearly not. She put it in writing!
Again, respect her wishes. ###### |
If I do not shower in the morning, my husband begins making comments that I should do so, starting in late morning/afternoon.
I have a full time job, and I usually shower 7 days a week. I generally look nice. Every so often (once a month), I will skip a Saturday or, even more rarely, a week day.
Now, this fight kicked off because I didn’t shower yesterday and haven’t yet today...but I woke up late and am just lazing (edit: I have full plans to shower today) because I worked late last night, we’re obviously not going out. I am wearing deodorant and brushed my teeth. Husband insists more than 24 hours without a shower is gross, and if you’re worried about your skin, wear lotion. He says most people agree with this.
I say it’s unreasonable to expect me to cater to this somewhat irrational expectation.
So, AITA?
Tl:dr: AITA for thinking it’s not gross to skip a day of showering, and being unwilling to give up an odd unshowered day to placate my husband? ###### | NTA. [There's a chart for that.](http://i.imgur.com/XstAjrH.jpg) A lot of people shower every day, but more people skip a day every so often. I shower about 5-6 days a week, but on days that I stayed home and didn't do anything to get dirty or sweaty, I don't see a reason to waste the water. ###### |
Okay so hear me out, I know that the title makes me seem straight up like an asshole but I have my reasons.
I live in a very close nit neighbourhood in the UK mostly made up of terrace houses, I live on the end of the street and only have one next door neighbour, and they are neighbours from hell. When we moved in 10 years ago, within days we had been told to "fuck off back to our own country" (we're british, so idk), they called the RSPCA on us because our cat kept using their front garden as a litter box while they were working on it, it was mostly sand, and every time I saw her doing this I cleaned it up and apologised, accused my younger brothers of egging their house (they did have eggs on their patio but upon later inspection they found out they were pigeon eggs that had fallen from a nest in their roof but they never got an apology) and various other things, we usually get a knock on the door by the police every now and then for some bullshit complaint.
But their favourite one is to start a BBQ or Bonfire every single time we put washing outside to dry.
My solution to this issue is to play very loud (and slightly offensive) music right before I plan to hang it outside so they leave for the day (I haven't done this since lockdown because I don't think it would be fair considering the virus)
Ive tried being civil and asking them not to start fires right as I hang my washing and this has been occurring for 10 years straight but I got told to go fuck myself because they can do what they want when they want.
I could technically dry my clothes in the dryer inside but in the summer in an old house with no AC and poor ventilation it gets almost impossible to breathe.
But I have to know Aita? ###### | NTA. [Here's a tune for next time should you need it.](https://youtu.be/jg9JnTr1SfY) ###### |
My wife will sometimes bring her Mom over to my family's events, sometimes the more intimate ones like the Holidays, Mother/Father's Day, you get the idea with more intimate events like that. Sometimes I am told by her the day of or the night before that she has invited her Mom already without consulting with me. So when we'd go over to one of my siblings house they are surprised to see my MIL show up. After an event last year, one of my siblings called me to say that, they do love my MIL and enjoy her company, just if we can refrain from bringing her to the more intimate events so that it's just immediate family. However other events like my nieces/nephews birthdays, bbq, outdoor events are fine. In a sense I get what my siblings are saying, as sometimes I do just want immediate family at events, and this includes with my wife's family as well. I don't know if you all think that way as well. I spoke to my wife about this, about how we should just do more immediate family at those more intimate events and she went quiet, I also brought up how it would be the same situation with her family that I do just want immediate family at more intimate events. And she got upset that my siblings seem like that don't want her at family events even after they've said she's family. A side note here, in my culture, it's polite to say to guest or non-immediate family that they are invited and always welcome, but typically speaking it's just courtesy. My wife took it to heart as we are her mom's only immediate family in town as her brother does not live in the same city as her mom. The next morning she was upset with me as well for not taking her side or defending her for bringing her Mom to those events. It's just a cause a small friction between my wife and siblings. So Reddit, a
AITA for not defending my wife? ###### | NTA. Your wife and her mom need to respect your family's boundaries. The boundaries are not unreasonable. ###### |
A little backstory:
My sister and I rent a three story house with 5 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. When we looked at the house, it was agreed that the 3rd story would be mine as I'm paying half the rent and utilities, and was witnessed by my mother and her son. I'm a very anxious person and an introvert, so the 3rd story was perfect for me. My sister, her daughter, and her son have the three bedrooms on the 2nd story.
My nephew is now 18, attending college, and lives on campus. My sister arbitrarily decided that he should move his bedroom to the 3rd story for his summer vacation and use his room for storage (which is pointless because she doesn't have anything to store). More than likely she'll rent out his room, like she's done before.
I don't want to give up my quiet safe space and my grown nephew doesn't want to move upstairs with me. She's the only one who wants this and doesn't care that I pay half the bills and purchase the majority of the household supplies and food. Plus, when my nephew does visit, he doesn't even sleep in his room, he hooks his xbox to the livingroom T.V. and sleeps on the couch (his choice). He also has his own bedroom at my mothers house.
So, am I wrong for not wanting to give up the space that I pay for and giving up my needs for my sisters wants? ###### | NTA. Your sister is a huge asshole. You are paying half the rent, the majority of food and bills. for four people living in one house. You not only should have the third floor to yourself, but if she rents any rooms she should give you half, minimum. ###### |
I have a trainwreck sister. She has one daughter who is 13. They live in a small house. My sister does not work and refuses to get a job. She's on welfare and I occasionally buy them groceries, She's fucked up from years and years of meth. My niece was turning into my sister 2.0 and was recently taken away and is now in foster care. Too many calls to the cops and CPS visits.
My sister is devastated. She's been crying and sunk into depression. Her daughter refuses to speak with her. The plan is for her to live with her (loser) father. I felt bad for my sister and dropped off some bagels and cream cheese. She spent about 20 minutes saying that she was a horrible mother, her daughter hates her, etc. I could tell she was waiting for me to assure her that it was untrue, but I didn't because it's true - my sister is a horrible mother and her daughter does hate her for good reason.
I finally couldn't hold it in any longer and asked her why she was even sad? Nothing good was ever going to come from her place and her daughter was clearly on the wrong path. Foster care is better than living in what she was living in.
I could tell that it hurt her, but I was keeping it real. ###### | NTA. Your sister doesn’t need to be coddled about the situation if it was bad enough that her daughter was removed. ###### |
I'll try to keep it short:
My husband (28M) and I (26F) have been trying to get pregnant for about a year. About a week before Father's day, I took a pregnancy test, because I started having symptoms. It tested positive. But just to be sure, I also went to see a professional that also confirmed it. By now, it was about two days before Father's day, so I decided to wait and tell my husband on Father's day, thinking nothing of it. When I did tell him, he was overjoyed and we were both really happy- until he asked me how long I knew.
When I told him I knew for about a week, he got really irritated and became incredibly snappy, saying that I should've told him as soon as I knew. I got a little annoyed and asked why it was such a problem that I waited a little bit, it's not like it was a couple of weeks, it was literally two days. I thought it would be a nice surprise, especially since it's on a day that it's celebrated for. Now, it's been a few days since the argument and I'm not sure how to feel, but I kinda feel as if he ruined a day that was supposed to be special for the both of us. AITA for not telling him as soon as I knew? ###### | NTA. Your reasoning makes total sense and was a sweet intended gesture. Sorry he didn’t receive it as such. ###### |
TW: drug use
My mom(52F) got arrest Friday for possession of a controlled substance(herion) and paraphernalia(needles) and I refuse to bail her out again. I just sent her to rehab back in October and I’m tired of wasting time and money on her. She hasn’t talked to me since Monday when I told her I’m not going to get her out of this situation. Am I the Asshole? ###### | NTA. Your mother has a problem. If you bail her out, you are enabling her. You need to sit back and let her hit rock bottom. ###### |
I’m a 20 year old university student getting through the pandemic and staying away from home because of the travel restrictions. My mom has been reading the parent pages for my university and came across another parent who apparently wrote repeatedly about how depressed/lonely her daughter is. My mom has hounded me repeatedly to let her mom “connect” us but I refuse. I can only imagine how humiliated I would feel if my parent had publicly posted about my mental state and tried to find strangers to talk to me out of pity. As far as I can tell, this person isn’t reaching out to any university pages themselves and considering how we are all quarantined, me being in the same city as her at the moment doesn’t mean I could even hang out with her. My mom says I have no empathy for other people but I also don’t feel like I’m in a good enough mental state to try to give support to other people when I can’t even give it to myself right now.
tl;dr I don’t want to be “pity” friend to an adult whose mother is posting about her on Facebook. ###### | NTA. Your mom sounds like a meddling busy body who could spend HER time directly helping people rather than reading parent university pages (seriously, do other parents of 20yos actually do this?) and trying to control you. ###### |
I’ll make this short. The father of my children went to prison a few years ago.
My children are 9m and 12f. He sometimes writes to them but not very easy often. After a while I found out that their father says some pretty fu.ked up things in his letters. It messed with my kids especially my son as he started to think I set up his father to keep him away from the kids.
I have since decided to read the letters my son gets first and then decide whether they are appropriate or not. My daughter always had me read her letters first anyway because she’s old enough to see through the games.
After a series of letters that were absolutely horrible I decided to let their father know that it was pointless and that I’m not letting my son read them anyway. He lost it and said what I’m doing is illegal and he’ll sue.
I know I’m possibly overstepping but i just want to protect my children. ###### | NTA. Your job is to protect them. Keep doing it. ###### |
I live with my girlfriend and her roommate, we’re going to get our own place when her lease is up. We like to shower together, not just for sex, but it’s intimate and fun to do sometimes. We probably shower together twice a week.
Her roommate asked me to stop yesterday because it’s annoying to her. She has her own bathroom with her own shower so I don’t see how it could be annoying. I asked why and she said it’s gross that she knows we’re together like that and it should be confined to the bedroom.
I told her I’d talk to my girlfriend and my girlfriend thinks we shouldn’t stop. Would we be assholes if we continue? ###### | NTA. Your girlfriend's roommate needs to mind her own business. She's just jealous. ###### |
I am 22 and a dude, my coworker who is retiring is 67 and a woman. I’ve been working for my current company for around eight months now, she’s done such a great job of mentoring me and giving me the tools, and the mentality, to succeed in my career. We’ve never had any sort of relationship that could even remotely be considered inappropriate, if you go through my texts we only communicate on work related matters and I’ve never even seen her outside of work or work related events. Today was her last day of work, she’s got around a year of PTO built up and so she’s taking it all starting today. I admittedly procrastinated on getting her a retirement gift, I was always planning on getting her a nice bottle of red wine and a card because wine’s her favorite thing in the world.
So I was gonna leave early before work so I could stop by the liquor store, my girlfriend asked where I was going, I told her I was going to the winery and I said it’s Dianne’s last day cause she’s retiring and I was gonna get her some wine. She questioned that and said it’s not appropriate and I asked why not, and she said she’s just not comfortable with it. Again I asked why not, and she said that that’s supposed to be a gift for lovers or close relations and not coworkers. I just shrugged and said that’s your opinion but I don’t feel that way and neither does anyone at my workplace. She said she’s uncomfortable with it and I said I get that, and I understand your fears and you’re entitled to feel that way but I’m still going to do it regardless.
I got her the wine, and for what it’s worth my gift paled in comparison to everyone else’s so it was definitely appropriate, but my girlfriend is mad and is refusing to speak to me, which is a bit childish because I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong. ###### | NTA. Your girlfriend is throwing a tantrum because you successfully participated in an adult professional activity. She needs to grow up. ###### |
Last night I (f15) was talking to my sister (f13) about how I've been looking to make some extra money lately because I've been wanting to buy a new phone and haven't been getting many shifts lately because of coronavirus.
I said to her that I wanted to sell a dress that I had brought online, because I didn't like it as much as I thought I would and saw it as an opportunity to make some money. She said that I shouldn't sell it and *give* it to her because she likes and would wear it (I have had this dress for a few months and only worn it once, but I have never heard her say anything about liking or wanting the dress). I told her that I would prefer to sell it and make money. She ended up saying that I care more about money than my family and that I'm being selfish.
I think that because I own the dress I should be able to say who I sell or give it to, even if it does come across as selfish. I feel like she is guilting me into giving her the dress and keeps bringing my parents financial situation into the argument, saying that she wants the dress so much that even if I did sell it she would go out and buy a similar one with my parents money knowing the would make me feel bad. I also know that had the situation had been reversed she would have not given the dress to me.
I feel like we're both probably right in some way, but it has become a huge fight and I just want to know if I'm being the asshole. ###### | NTA. Your dress, sister being a manipulative brat. ###### |
So I was making two grilled cheese sandwiches for a nice midnight snack. I finish up and sit down to enjoy 'em when my dad(46M) walks in the kitchen. He asks me to make one for him too to which I oblige. As I get the bread and plug the toaster oven back in, he takes my seat at the table and declares he'll have one of my sandwiches instead even though I was going to make one of those anyway as per his request. Before I could say anything, he takes a bite of my sandwich. I go to put back the bread in the cupboard and he says "Too lazy to make another one for yourself?" and he laughs. I, already in a sour mood because someone took my damn sandwich, say, "It's fine, I just don't like it when someone takes my food.". He takes offense to this, scowls at me, drops the sandwich back on the plate hard enough to make a sound as if to show anger, and slams the door when he leaves the room. You could really see the disdain in his eyes after I said that remark. I'd really like to know if I'm the asshole here or not. ###### | NTA. Your dad pulled an AH move and doubled down on it when called out. ###### |
I’ve been asking my boyfriend for over a week to please, please check out my car. He knows what he’s doing, has worked on every truck he’s ever had, and I’m a clueless idiot who is very likely about to not have a job for a while due to everything going on, so I can’t afford to take it someone even if I did find somewhere open. It feels very strange when I drive it, is only getting worse. There’s been times where it has honestly felt like it’s going to straight up fall apart on the interstate and I have to drive extra slow. It terrifies me. My tires aren’t that old, so it can’t be that. My boyfriend is getting paid time off right now so isn’t working or doing anything besides playing video games so I’ve asked him to look at it and he just won’t. He says there’s probably nothing wrong and I’m being dramatic. I have to drive an hour to work every day and I don’t leave until dark, so I have a fear of ended up on the side of the road at midnight by myself.
After a week of being frustrated I decided to take my car to the only other person I know who knows things about vehicles, my ex who I’m still friendly with. It wasn’t a big deal, I texted him and asked if he was busy and I needed an opinion on my car, he said sure bring it around, stayed there for about 30 minutes and that’s it. My boyfriend absolutely flipped out when he found out today. Said I disrespected him, disrespected our relationship, I’m in the wrong, I “broke his trust” when all I literally wanted is to make sure my car is safe to drive ###### | NTA. Your boyfriend sounds like a spoiled child. You were right to take matters into your own hands. Not to mention the safety of being broken down on the road at midnight, worse: what if you crashed? Hurt yourself? Hurt someone else? What a jerk.
He’s angry at himself and taking it out on you. You went to another man, subverting his “manhood”, what a child. Think hard on this relationship. This type of thing is exactly the red flag you see later down the line and think: damn it! I should have known! ###### |
Throwaway account because he'd likely see it if i posted with my main acc.
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some context- I've been doing freelance art for years and usually I charge, say, $90 per character in a piece or more depending on other stuff. My bf didn't know I drew when we started dating and didn't seem to care all that much EXCEPT occasionally when i'd draw his night elf character for him, mostly just small pics or chibis/cute stuff
But now that i'm getting a tonne more commissions (yay corona?) he's been getting insistent about me drawing for him, even mad when he sees my twitter DMs with comission requests and often snidely makes remarks about how busy i'll be in the coming days and such with "drawing stuff for OTHER people". I caved at first and drew him a few pics, practically bypassing my commission queue (the order in which I work on clients art) to get his done first so he wouldn't be mad, but he keeps asking for more, which would really mess up my income and probably piss off my clients cuz they would have to wait longer for theirs. one of our mutual friends suggested he pay like my other commissioners and he laughed at the suggestion. I never NEVER draw for free usually because i know if one person gets free comms then ten more will show up asking.
This all came to a head earlier this week when i snapped and told him to -in not so nice words- to shove it and now he;s extremely pissed. I don't play wow and never have so, but he has since early teens so I know the character has emotional significance to him, but i'd really just rather work on my other commissions and pay the bills, am I the asshole here? ###### | NTA. Your BF is messing with your business. That should never be allow. And he should knows better. This is serious. Relationships are suppose to enhance your life, not weight you down. A lot of people have broken up for less. Have a serious talk and do not back down ###### |
My (18f) boyfriend (21m) has been struggling with money recently due to quarantine. His hours at work were cut so he’s having trouble keeping up with rent and bills. Recently, my parents offered to help him. He was reluctant to accept help at first but eventually accepted $400 and was able to get through the month with that extra money.
Now, 2 weeks later he’s asking for $350 more. He’s saying he’ll pay it back to my parents, but what irks me is he’s asking for this money so he can change the exhaust on his car to make it louder. I completely blew up at him because in my eyes he’s taking advantage of my parents’ generosity and asking me to lie to them if they ask what he’s spending it on, as he knows they wouldn’t give him the money if they knew he was spending it on something he didn’t really need. His argument is that he’s going to pay the money back, so it shouldn’t matter.
AITA? ###### | NTA. Your BF is acting extremely entitled right now. You’re right to be pissed. Your parents made a very generous and kind gesture, now he’s just taking advantage. ###### |
Okay, so backstory... I have an aunt who has two girls (16 & 9) my aunt doesn’t know how or care to learn how to do hair. I learned how to do my own hair when I was younger, so I’m fairly good at braiding, etc.
However, being a hairstylist is not my ambition. I actually hate doing hair, but because they had no one else to do their hair.. I did it for them, didn’t ask for anything in return. The free hairstyles went on for about 2 months..
When I started getting short on cash, and realized she was bringing them by my house almost every week to get their hair done.. (retwist for the older girls whole head, and the younger usually wanted some style she’d seen on Instagram) I told her that I’d like to start getting paid $20 per head. Which isn’t bad considering that the process to do both heads usually took me all day.
She got upset and refused, started talking about all the things she’d done for me.. which only included a few rides to work (which she was compensated for) & she started taking her girls to a hair salon, paying way more than what I asked for. When I questioned the logic, she said if she was going to pay for her kids hair to be done it was going to be professionally. Okay, no problem.. I hate doing hair anyway.
So, now that COVID has shut down most businesses.. she had my mom reach out to me asking me to do the girls hair. Again, I said I would but it will be $20 per head. I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong, she has the funds.. she just doesn’t feel like she should have to pay me. My mom, and other aunts have been texting me about the value of family and being there for one another, calling me selfish, etc... but considering I’m out of work and barely making it.. I don’t think I’m the one being selfish.. thoughts?
LSDR; Aunt doesn’t feel the need to pay me to do her kids hair, but will pay professionals for 3x my asking price! ###### | NTA. You’re offering a service and she should pay for it. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean you take advantage of them. ###### |
TL DR: regardless of how you feel about the covid quarantine, my husband was secretly going to bars. He didn’t tell anyone in our family including his elderly high risk parents who came to visit on Father’s Day because they thought we had been staying at home, so I told him he had to call them and tell them the truth before they came back over this afternoon.
So, we’ve been married for 7 years, have 2 toddlers, and my husband still doesn’t seem to understand his actions affect other people. We’ve been quarantining since March, but he is “essential” so his work schedule has been normal. On Father’s Day his parents (both over 70yrs old) came over for the 1st time to surprise him and we all sat down and ate together since they felt it was an acceptable minimal risk since he only goes to work.
Well, I saw text messages last night that he’s been going to bars with friends after work.
I’m upset that he’s been lying to me, and I don’t know what to do about that.
I’m upset that he’s possibly been putting our family’s health at risk, and I don’t know what to do about that.
I’m also upset that his elderly parents were here because we told them we were safe, and apparently that was a lie, so I told him to call them and tell them he lied or else I would.
He said I’m an asshole for dragging them into our business. He lied to them too. I think that is their business. His dad is supposed to come over again today-I think he deserves to know the truth in order to reevaluate the risk before coming over.
I think I’m protecting our vulnerable parents and children. He says I’m an asshole trying to control everyone, be he’s also already established he’s willing to lie to get what he wants. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. You’re not trying to “control” anyone. You’re making sure everyone has ALL the information so they can reassess and make their own decisions, which is how it should be. His parents have the right to know he’s been around more people than was originally assumed so they can decide if they want to continue coming over, or wait it out. ###### |
Throwaway just in case.
I (18F) live with my mom, who has primary custody, and my step dad who has been in my life for 12 years and who I see as a father.
Throughout my childhood I didnt have a great relationship with my biological father. I both enjoyed and hated going to his house. Enjoyed because I had a lot more freedom there, hated because I had no friends. Not to mention that when I got a phone my mom wouldn't let me take it to his house because she didn't want him to know I had a phone.
All my life I've been told stories on both sides and I nevee knew who to believe. Contact with my biological father slowed to the point where I would barely talk to him once every two months. Until, a few months ago he sent me a letter with his phone number saying that if I ever need anything, he will be there.
My mom told me he is just trying to play victim and act like he's being kept from me, and that he doesn't actually mean it. I still called him, from my phone and without her knowing, and he was overjoyed to hear from me. Since then we've been rebuilding our relationship.
Now here's the part where I might be TA. My mom, Step Dad and I have been fighting on where I'm going to go to college. They do not approve of my choice or my intended career that I already have a job. There has been screaming, name calling, and constant silent treatement the past six months. Despite the fact that I am paying for college myself and have a viable way of financing it.
And so, I want to move in with my dad, who does support me and my choices. Obviously, my mom will be devastated, because she's always told me how hard she's worked to keep him from hurting me like he did to her. And I know by moving my step dad will never forgive me. I just can't take feeling like an enemy in my own house anymore. AITA? ###### | NTA. You’re 18. They don’t have custody of you anymore. You’re an adult. Go do what you want. ###### |
Its late at night so I'm gonna keep this short.
Background: Recently, I've been constipated (really embarrassing but is important) Idk why, but I have been. I started taking medicine to help this, and this has worked for the most part.
Story: So earlier today I went down to the kitchen to take a break from Terraria (checking out the 1.4 update) and to have some coffee. I was making it when I overheard my younger brother. (His room is in the basement.) My brother is trying to become a Twitch streamer with some of his friends and was talking with his buddies. I mainly tune it out but a word slips into my head.
THE NAME OF THE MEDICINE I TAKE FOR CONSTIPATION.
I IMMEDIATELY head down, and ask wtf he's talking about. He's like "bruh chill," while I'm furious that he's talking about MY PRIVATE INFORMATION on stream. (To be fair, he has zero followers. That's not an exaggeration, he literally has 0 followers, but that doesn't change anything.) I explode but mainly stay passive. I spill some sprinkles on his floor but nothing much. I tell my mother as it's mainly her job to manage my brother and she goes nuts. She IMMEDIATELY brings him into a conversation. He realizes that he's in the wrong and comes up to my room and apologize with my mom in the background.
I don't accept.
It was only a few hour difference from when it happened to when he apologized, I feel like this is just another one of his apologies and he'll go straight back to being a jerk (which is what usually happens) and I get the impression that he's only saying that because my mom is making him. So I don't accept. He gets pissed and runs straight out and my mom kinda gives me a dirty look. So reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA. You're under no obligation to accept anybody's apology especially if it's not genuine. ###### |
My mother wants me to stay with her even when I'm older, because I'm 'not ready' to live on my own. I can cook and know how to wash clothes and dishes. I know which items to buy at the store. Heck, I even know how to take care of hangovers so I should be able to help my friend if she ever has one.
What my mom really wants me to do is to take care of her. All of my life I've been taking care of my mother, even though she's not even sick. When I was younger, I would nurse her hangovers even while being sick.
I know how to take care of myself. Me and my bestfriend have been planning this ever since we've met 3 years ago. As soon as I graduate or turn 19, I'll move in with her without telling my mom. The reason I won't tell my mom is because if I do, she'll try to make me stay.
I've been keeping a lot of anger in me because my mother never listens to me. Every time I try to voice my opinion she threatens to disconnect my phone and take it away because surely that's where I'm getting my attitude. And I'm just so tired from having to take care of her even when she's perfectly able to do it herself.
She always makes promises that she never keeps, even if it might kill her. And it's just so draining to make sure that she doesn't die in the middle of the night from drinking so much. I'm tired of being the mother in this relationship.
So Reddit, WIBTA if I go through with this the way I planned to? ###### | NTA. You're supposed to be the kid not the parent to your parent. Before you move or tell your mom, make sure you have all of your important documents that you will need (birth certificate, social security card, diploma. Etc.) So that your mom can't hold it over you to prevent you from leaving. ###### |
This happened a few months ago, but my brain won't let this one go.
So I was hanging out with some friends. Two guys, one woman. We're all in our early 20s and have had our fair share of romance in life. The topic of sex popped up and we start talking about some of our past experiences. One guy joked about how having sex only made his dick bigger and bigger. We all laughed and he said that he wished that's how it works. My female friend (let's call her Sarah) piped up and said "Yeah, for women, it's the complete opposite. The more sex you have, the bigger your labia gets and the looser you become." There were some chuckles, but then I asked her if she was serious. She said she was.
Now, this is a big myth. I was surprised a woman who has had some experience actually believes that. I basically told her this, and then she started getting annoyed, asking "how me and my dick knows about that". I said the same way I know anything about female anatomy- I've read up on it. The whole "women get looser" thing is something sexist dudes made up to slut-shame women. My other friends were silent on this. She then just said: "Whatever, I'm not in the mood for this kind of mansplaining."
So I'm at a loss here. AITA for explaining something that I feel like people should just know about? ###### | NTA. You're right, she's not, simple as that. Just because you know more about female anatomy than she does doesn't make it sexist. I always took "mansplaining" as a guy automatically assuming a woman knows less about a topic because of her gender. I've had this done to me over computers parts before, and it drove me nuts. However, you weren't assuming her knowledge based on her gender, you were correcting her on something very wrong, and as as you said, pretty sexist. I don't see anything wrong there. ###### |
Okay so I have a cat. Her name is Kitty, she's a beautiful little crossbreed and my entire life revolves around her. When she passes, I genuinely don't know how I'll cope.
Anyway, my sister also has a cat. His name is Taz, and she loves him more than life itself. She's autistic, and he's very very good with it. Sensory overload? He'll calm her down immediately. She's crying? He'll nuzzle her and often times grab my parents for her. But he's also very fat. And they just keep feeding him. My sister is obsessed with him, and she will feed him whatever he wants. She doesn't understand that she's hurting him, and I don't want to upset her by telling her.
My parents know. Taz's breathing is getting awful, he can't just very well, and despite his young age can't play for more than five minutes without needing a rest.
I'm genuinely worried for his health, and my parents also feed him whatever he wants, and they do the same with my cat. She has her own medical problems, that will probably shorten her life span. I don't want to make it any shorter.
I have told them that they're killing him by feeding him constantly. They tell me I'm being cruel, and just trying to scare my sister, which is literally the opposite of what I'm doing. They also refuse to stop feeding my cat when she wants it. She looses weight stupidly fast, so it's not too dangerous, but still worries me.
They said if I'm so worried, I can just up Kitty's exercise (which I am doing), and that I need to stop worrying about Taz because he's 'fine'.
I don't want my sister to loose her life line quicker than she has to, but apparently I'm just worrying about nothing because he's only 'a little' overweight.
He doesn't look that big, but he's gaining, and fast.
So, AITA?
(Once again, I'm awful with wording so just ask if I don't make any sense.) ###### | NTA. You're right, but damn if it isn't difficult to curb behaviour like this when it's coming from your parents. I'm sorry to say that I've been through this twice, and there was no real solution. Because realistically you can't monitor the cats 24 hours a day, then your parents are going to continue to do whatever the hell they want. Which sucks.
The only action you can really take is to try to have the advice come from someone other than you. I'm talking about the vet - if you can call ahead of the next appointment to express your concerns, maybe the vet will take a harder line with them. But even then, nothing is guaranteed, as I'm sure this is always discussed at vet appointments anyway (my vet shows no mercy!).
I don't know anything about people with autism, but from what I do understand, routine is super important, right? Could you frame it that establishing a daily routine with the cat could be super helpful for your sister in the long run? I don't know, just spitballing here. Sorry you're faced with this, it's super common and very frustrating I know. ###### |
Some background: FIL is a man who doesn't get along with his wife and children. He barks and snaps at everyone but is cordial to me and eats out of my daughter's hand.
During this stay home period, MIL started cleaning out stuff that's been sitting around the house. Yesterday she found in a seldom-used drawer, a wooden box with a handkerchief wrapped around a picture of FIL in his younger times and my daughter's recent picture he cut out from her year book.
When she asked him about it, he threw a fit and said she had no right to defile pictures of people he loved most. An upset MIL called and told me about it.
He has 3 grandsons and 3 granddaughters. While I'm happy he dotes on my daughter most, I found this really creepy and said this to hubby. Hubby is now upset that I think his dad is creepy and his childless sister sides with him, while the other sister who has 3 kids thinks FIL is crazy.
So am I TA for reading too much into his 'innocent' action? ###### | NTA. You'd be TA if you ignored this. Because that's why child abuse so often goes on for years - people believe their beloved father/uncle/grandfather/cousin would NEVER do that awful thing, so they ignore red flags. Cutting out the picture of one of six grandkids from her yearbook, placing it in some sort of shrine and then being angry when someone touches it is a red flag. Your MIL also obviously believes there's a problem or she wouldn't have mentioned it. You need to think about how you can protect your daughter. A visit with a therapist might be a first step here. ###### |
Some people at my school signed a contract to rent a club house for prom and decided to go full out (litteraly no specifics from them), the problem is is that they demand 190$ from everyone (150 people) but almost no one paid except the organizers friend's and they almost got sued for not paying.
I really don't want to go since i don't like a lot of people there, im single and have no interest in anyone in this school and my friends dont plan to go either, AmITheAsshole?( To clarify i did not sigh any contract) ###### | NTA. You signed no contract and I assume that you never consented to the payment verbally, either. I think you're good to go. ###### |
Obligatory throwaway so men don’t message me about my tits on my regular account + I’m on mobile, so sorry if formatting is weird.
So, the other day one of my flatmates (with whom I have, up until this point, had neither a positive nor negative relationship with) sent me this long text that started with “we need to talk about the laundry situation.” This was a bit confusing, since I wasn’t aware of any particular laundry situation. The rest of the text was her telling me that I need to keep my bras out of the laundry room because apparently, when she had her boyfriend over, he went in there and saw my bras hanging up to dry on the drying rack, and was so shocked?intrigued?whatever that he checked the fucking tags (I have no idea if this is normal male behavior, but it creeped me out to read) to see the size, and then “wouldn’t stop talking about it.”
I responded with, basically, “then tell your boyfriend to keep his hands off my shit and shut up.” Flatmate did not consider this an adequate response, and told me that I should keep my “pornstar bras” in my room because it’s apparently inappropriate to dry them in the laundry room. At this point I was quite annoyed; I don’t wear “pornstar bras,” I just have very large breasts, and they’re a literal constant source of annoyance and back pain. The bras in question were totally normal, but apparently them being a UK 34H makes them inappropriate. I told her that I’m not going to try to dry my bras in my room since it’s tiny and we have a perfectly good drying rack in the laundry room, which is for laundry, and that both she and her boyfriend needed to get over it and grow up. I know that this wasn’t terribly diplomatic, but I felt like she was much ruder than I was. I didn’t really think about it the next day, but now it’s been three days and she’s completely ignoring me, so I’m wondering if I misjudged the situation. AITA? ###### | NTA. You said it yourself, her bf needs to keep his hands off your shit and she needs to grow up. It sounds like she reacting out of jealousy or insecurity. You have bigger breasts than her and her boyfriend won't shut up about it.
It's not your responsibility to deal with and navigate their relationship issues or boundaries (or lack thereof). ###### |
I (22, F) currently work as an EMT, and as part of my certification, I learned to deliver babies. On occasion, we will get calls to pick up someone whos in labor. I've gotten these calls about 3x and each time we have just transported the patient to the hospital and they have given birth there.
My sister (26, F) who is 8.5 months pregnant recently asked if I could deliver her baby at her home since I was certified. She wants to do it at home since the hospital in our area (Chicago) won't let family visit, and she wants us to be there since this is her first child. Also, her gynecologist is sick and wouldn't be there to deliver her child, so she's also nervous about having a doctor, she doesn't know.
I told her I would get back to her, but my sister and my mom keep texting me about it. Idk what to do, I'm really nervous about doing it since I have never delivered a baby before. She said the baby was perfectly healthy which is good and it obviously won't be premature but I'm still on the fence. ###### | NTA. You really aren't qualified as an obstetrician, you are qualified to pitch in to deliver a baby in an emergency. You aren't even qualified as a midwife. Your sister would not be getting optimal care and neither would the baby.
There are dozens of ways a delivery can go wrong, with catastrophic results for either mother or infant. One benefit of hospital birth is that they have all the emergency backup systems needed, from a surgical suite, to monitors, to sophisticated imaging, to ICU and NICU rooms, laboratory, and all the necessary medications.
Bear in mind if something DOES go wrong, you will feel a burden of guilt personally forever, and so might your family members. The wise thing to do is to refuse, giving your reasons and standing firm. ###### |
I'm sorry if this is long or confusing but I'm conflicted.
Backstory my mom was incredibly abusive to me. Everything except sexually because I got that from someone else. I was forced to work at our store when I was 8 years old. Every way you could abuse someone she did it. I moved out when I was 14. I had just finished my freshman year of high school and I moved in with my grandma who let me stay with her rent free but I was on my own for everything. I got a job working 20-30 hours paid under the table. I did everything I could to support and sustain myself. When I turned 16 I got a real job went to an alternative high school and shifted my whole life so I could work and go to school just so I could eat, have a phone, get a car/gas.
We're Asian though. Painfully traditional and our beliefs is that we need to everything we can for our inner circle. Basically my mom was living with my grandma and her husband doesn't like her so he left. Shortly after she left to be with him. Things happened and now they're essentially homeless while looking for a place to live. They're living in a trailer.
I can give more details if there are questions.
Fast forward to now ten years later. I don't have a relationship with my mother. We talk a maybe a total of 5 times a year if that. My whole life I've been lectured how because she's my mother I have to love her and care. She's the only mother I have. I live in moderately sized home with my SO and dog. We have the space to house 2-3 extra people. I feel so bad because I know she wants me to offer her our extra rooms but I just don't want to.
Shes essentially homeless though and I feel like I'm the devil for not offering her a roof when I have the space and ability to. I don't think I'm TA but why do I feel so bad? I'm conflicted. If I wasn't TA I don't feel like I would feel bad. ###### | NTA. You feel bad because you have certain beliefs drilled into you and they're creating cognitive dissonance - two conflicting sets of thoughts that are giving you stress because you're struggling to resolve them.
Your 'mother' is not a mother. She did not give you love and support, she gave you nothing but abuse and stress. Now she demands your love and support unconditionally because it's convenient for her. She deserves none of it, and no amount of 'but tradition' is going to change that. Devote your time, attention, and care to the people who care about you are a positive force in your life. And if anyone gives you crap about it, tell them to shove off, it's not their choice to make.
Sometimes the hardest person to convince is yourself, though. Keep at it, and keep remembering that she never brought you any good and that's not going to change now. ###### |
Me and my boyfriend recently (6 months ago) moved in to our first property together, in which we have a spare bedroom that we agreed to rent out to a friend of mine who has never left home, let's call her M. For some context I have been friends with M for almost 20 years, always pretty tight and open with each other.
6 months down the line her boyfriend has asked her to move in with her, not great timing as my father has just been in a car accident which nearly took his life and I was also up for redundancy, but if this is what will make her happy then I'm fine with it. Took a couple of weeks for them to find a place and we found someone to take her room who we trust. Now all we needed to do was organise the moving date.
Now I repeatedly ask M to provide me her moving date and she first said September, then end of August and finally the beginning of August. I needed a solid date to provide my new tenant for their move, so I had a verbal agreement with M that if I wasnt provided a date by july 14th, that her moving date would be set to august the 1st. This mean i can give my new tenant a set date as they desperately need one.
Now M decides to go to france for a 2 week holiday and does not provide me with a moving date so it's set to august 1st. 3 days ago she informs me through Facebook messenger (whilst upstairs in the same house) she wont be able to move until august 8th. I tell her this isnt really acceptable, we had an agreement and the date must stay as august 1st due to commitments I have made with other people.
After calling me unfair and saying she did everything she could have done in the situation, which I feel isnt true, she has not spoken to me since. She immediately started to pack her things and move out, including taking an mattress that belongs to my mum without asking and called me pathetic when I asked for its return. AITM for expecting her to move out a week early? ###### | NTA. You didn't expect her to move out a week early, you expected her to move out on August 1, the date originally provided. She's the one who tried to change that to August 8. I guess M isn't as good a friend as you thought she was - she doesn't seem to respect others' needs or property. ###### |
Ok from the title it seems like I \[18M\] wouldn't, but I'm still not sure. She \[18F\] has been hitting on me for a few days, giving me obvious hints that she wants to have sex with me. She has done something similar a few years ago and I told her that I wasn't interested because she doesn't attract me. Yes, yes I know, personality > physical appearance, but at least I admit that I do care about appearance. She and some of my friends started calling me out, telling me that I should've at least gave her a chance. I actually lost one friendship because of that lmao, she was good with my friend. I don't like to hurt people. If I give her a chance now, she will get what she wants, she might get attached to me and I might not, which might hurt her even more. I recently got out of a relationship, I don't feel like getting in something else for now. I still miss ex a lot, but that's a story for another time. I don't enjoy talking to her. I am very insecure, and I don't like when some of my friends start talking about what I should have done and what I should have not done. That's why I'm asking you because I told some of them and they are telling me that I would be an idiot if I miss this opportunity and asshole because I will hurt her. So.. WIBTA? ###### | NTA. You aren't interested in her. End of story. ###### |
I have a house I rent, and some of my neighbors have complaints about the property and it's maintenance.
I rent partially because I don't have the time to do the maintenance and I wanted a lease that put the landlord in charge of all that. And that's what I found; my landlord is responsible for all maintenance and landscaping and such.
He lives a few states over and sends guys he knows for maintenance.
Anyway, some of my neighbors have used me as a scapegoat for things they don't like about the house. What's grown in the yard, how it's an eyesore, how the siding needs to be washed.
I've said that they can tell my landlord about it.
They've gotten mad saying that if I live somewhere I should take some pride in it and do the bare minimum to make it presentable. I said that I picked a place where someone else was in charge of landscaping and stuff for a reason, and they really ought to call him or write him a letter or something.
They've all been pretty mad at me and I feel like there just mad because they can't get in touch with the landlord and I'm an easy target because I'm right there.
AITA for not having any more time to listen to that stuff and just saying to call the landlord? ###### | NTA. You are paying your landlord to take care of maintenance and landscaping. Give them his number and go to town, otherwise leave you alone. ###### |
Throwaway account for this one.
My partner has two children with his ex-wife, two boys aged 4 and 7, of whom we share custody with their mother.
Here is where I might be the asshole:
The children’s mother has recently become very Catholic, enrolling the eldest in a Catholic school and introducing regular prayer in her home. My partner and I are not at all religious. He’s not religious because he simply isn’t interested, I’m not religious because I was raised Catholic and have become quietly anti-Catholic church as more and more has come to light about child abuse within the church. I say quietly anti-Catholic because whilst I hold my own beliefs, I don’t push them on anyone else. However, my partner’s ex-wife has told us that she wishes for the children to pray at night before bed when they are staying with us and I’ve told her absolutely no. Both of the children have indicated that they find praying to be something of a chore and I would, in all honesty, prefer my house to be religion-free. My partner’s ex-wife is pretty angry with my refusal, saying I shouldn’t care about them praying if I’m not religious and that I should respect her religion, but I don’t think I should have to do something in my house that I don’t want to do and she should be respecting my lack of religion.
AITA?
TLDR; partner’s ex-wife (very religious) wants kids to pray at my house, I (not religious) said no, AITA. ###### | NTA. You are not stopping the children from praying, but you are not forcing them. By the way, what a terrible way to encourage faith. ###### |
Ok so before i go into to much detail my boyfriend texted me that he’s looking for a transfer 10 hours away and wants to get an apartment. This aspired with a fight he had with his dad... my boyfriend is always trying to help and his father never appreciates what he dose it is defiantly a toxic environment he should get out of. I just didn’t think it would be 10 hours away.
So now a little background of us we are college sweethearts been together for over 5 years gone on so many adventures together. no we are not engaged lol we are both ok with that. We always talk about the future and when we have our own place what we will do with it. Currently we are both still living with our parents. I personally have a great relationship with my parents and we are very chill with each other my boyfriend can come over when ever he wants however I am not aloud to stay over at his house the parents don’t approve.
So here’s the difference, I pay rent I split the mortgage and house hold bills In half with my parents I pay for my own car and insurance. I have worked in the same field for over 6 years starting as a part-timer and have had a full time job for 2 years. I am now a manager and I feel stable in my life to start something. My boyfriend does not pay bills or rent however he helps his parents out a-lot he cares for them since they are older and more on the frail side. He has not had a full time job for more than 6 months since I’ve known him. The field he wants to work in is very hard to get a job and currently he is an on call during the slow time he works about 15 hours a week.
So here is my question am I the asshole for explaining that before we move in together I’d like him to have a full time job for at lest 6 months to a year? If we are starting our life together I want us both to be stable. And to be honest I think he needs to live on his own for a while to realize what it’s like to own his own place he can control. :/
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. You are contemplating the possibility that he may just be an eternal child. And it would be a crime to enter a marital relationship with a child. ###### |
I (19F) have recently met and have now spent some time with my boyfriend’s (25M) parents. Good enough people who I enjoy even though we’re very different and have different ideologies. They also think that I am very quiet and innocent even though that’s not exactly the case.
The thing that bothers me is that they keep making comments about “your future with our son” and making them grand babies. The mom has asked me what birth control I am on, and if I’m willing to move away from family with a man. She also has said things along the lines of “skip the condom tonight.” Bf was previously married very young and has been separated for two years living in a different state from his ex. But his mom has made comments about him and I getting married and says that it’s been long enough (we’ve been dating for a little over a year) to know if he wants to marry/have kids with me.
My bf doesn’t want kids, I do, and I’m super young + going to college. Both of us are aware that this is temporary as not having kids in the future is a deal breaker for me, but again we’re young and are enjoying being with each other for now.
WIBTA if the next time they make comments I express that it makes me uncomfortable and that our relationship/sex life is really none of their business? ###### | Nta. Wtf? I'm a parent of 4 kids, and I'd never make those types of jokes (and I joke about everything) to any of my kids' SOs. ###### |
Hello friends. I am a T1 diabetic, so I need to keep my insulin in the fridge. Lately I’ve been staying with my girlfriend who lives with her parents, who are very kind to temporarily take me in. I got there yesterday and I was unpacking and asked her if I could put my boxes of insulin in her fridge. She looked a bit uncomfortable and said first that there’s no space. I said this is objectively not true because their fridge is massive (she has four siblings but none of them are at home now) and there’s literally hectares of space, and besides I don’t need that much. She moved on to the next excuse which is that it’s weird to have my medication out in the open like that for other people to see. This one has really hurt my feelings. I mean it’s not like I asked for this illness. I literally need it to live. I tried to explain this to her and she said it’s their property and I should respect what they want to do with it. She also asked me not to do my injections in front of anyone else which makes me feel asif she’s somehow ashamed of me and my condition ###### | NTA. Where the flying fuck does she expect you to keep it, given that insulin needs to be kept refrigerated? ###### |
GF went to a huge rally the other night with at least 2 thousand people, we don’t live together but she comes over a lot and vice versa. The issue here is that I’m scared of her getting Corona and infecting me or my home. My parents have had health risks in the past and my grandparents swing by my house often to say hello or return Tupperware, and I’m scared to death of somehow leading to them getting sick. She’s been getting increasingly suspicious that I don’t wanna be around her and I don’t know what to do. I’m worried if I tell her the truth she’ll say I’m overreacting and we’ll get into a fight. AITA for wanting to keep my distance? ###### | NTA. We all have to make our own choices. Your real reasons for not hanging out might not bother her as much as the ones she's imagining. Tell her the truth. ###### |
back story. so i've been at home because of quarantine, and decided to try grilling, burger mostly. my neighbor who is vegan and i know this for a long time. so 2 days ago i made burgers for my family, after we ate i started cleaning up the grilling stuff. and my neighbor walks outside and says "i have to stop grilling because the smell of meat is disturbing her". we both have Very big yards and i dont grill near her fence.
WEBTA if i still grill? ###### | NTA. Vegetarian chiming in here. Yes, at this point the smell of meat cooking is awful to me, but it's your house, your yard, your grill, your food, and your family. Unless you're throwing meat scraps into the neighbor's yard, they get no say. Grill on and enjoy! ###### |
(On mobile, sorry for any formatting issues. Also I talk about going out, but this was pre-covid. She just brought it up to me recently, and I wanted some other opinions.)
I (25f) love my sister (35) a lot, but sometimes when we go out she likes to tell people we're sisters and have them guess how old we are. At first this didn't bother me, but she does it any time we go out and people want to talk to us.
I'm not afraid of aging or getting wrinkles. She's always been very self conscious about her looks and is afraid of looking "old." She has had botox/fillers (not sure the difference?) to hide some of her wrinkles. She also layers on the makeup and has had her brows microbladed. I wear makeup also, but I don't go to a lot of effort to hide blemishes/under eye circles. I just like having fun eyeshadow and lipstick on.
Since getting her fillers, people will guess that we're closer in age. The last time this happened, someone thought she was younger than me. She immediately began to tease me about looking older. I wasn't wearing any makeup and hadn't made much of an effort to look cute because I'd had a busy day and was tired. I kind of lost my temper and told the guy her actual age and that she got Botox to hide her forehead wrinkles.
We argued about it. She said I was jealous and childish. I said she was self obsessed and that I didn't appreciate this age game she likes to play with people. She told me if I put more effort into my looks, I wouldn't have to worry about it. I stopped wanting to hang out with her after that, and then with covid, I haven't had to worry about it.
Recently she brought this up in conversation and asked if I was still mad about it. I said no, and asked if she was since she brought it up. She said yes, and that I owed her an apology. I don't think I do.
TL;DR: AITA for telling a stranger that my sister who is older than me only looks young because she's had botox after she made fun of my appearance? ###### | NTA. This is one of those cases where you reduce her fun by not being pissed off at her little game. So just have no reaction, except maybe rolling your eyes.
She should grow up. But a lot of people who need to grow up, don't. OK if you kind of reduce contact. ###### |
As of now, I'm stuck in a middle eastern country with my fiance. My fiance is middle eastern, although very westernized. We have our own living arrangement there, but his mother begged us to stay with her. For starters, she's always been very rude to me. Rude comments, starts faking heart issues around my fiance etc, accuses me of being ''infertile'' because ''no grandkids yet''. Accuses me of being an eastern europe medical school graduate (when I studied in the u.s?), and much more. She didn't approve of me till the beginning, and made sure to let me know that ''he'll never marry my kind''. Ever since we've been here, it's been more of this bullshit.
The last straw was her inviting her neighbors over for tea, acting like a bitch towards me, and treating me like her personal butler. She told me to go make coffee in a demanding tone, and to get a glass of water for her. So I snapped at her, and told her no, and we started yelling at each other, arguing etc. My fiance has been cold towards me after she went and ratted to him, and I'm considering breaking things off the minute we step foot in the u.s. AITA for the way i reacted? ###### | NTA. This is a preview of things to come. I think the future MIL doesn’t like you. I don’t think it has anything to do with customs. ###### |
I'm the oldest daughter of 3 children and have always given my parents money. My parents are both retired. They have savings, private pensions (which I helped organise) and a state pension. The mortgage is paid so they have no major expenses now.
My mum has always relied on my to contribute to the household since I started working. My Dad has not always had a steady income. The additional has kept the dept collectors away many times.
The money is now a significant amount of my income which has meant I've not done things I want to do like travelling as I can't afford it.
I have told both parents I can't keep helping out and in 2019 I started to reduce my monthly transfers. Towards the end of each month I would get a call requesting money for essentials as they have run out which isn't making sense. They should have enough. I officially stopped transfers in December 2019.
In February I had my second child and want a year away from work to enjoy my family. My parents are happy about my growing family as they love their grandchildren but they still make requests for me to buy them things as if nothing has changed. They don't request cash but groceries, ask me to pay a bill online, amazon items etc. It all adds up to a few hundred which is less than I have previously paid.
Today my mum called me with her latest request, I said she would need to send me money to cover it and she said as her oldest child I need to look after my parents. I stuck to my guns and said I would need the money as I'm not working and she told me to forget it hung up. Now my folks aren't picking up the phone or responding to messages. I've been helping out for the last 15 years. I just can't afford it anymore.
AITA for no longer financially supporting my parents? ###### | NTA. They're the assholes for exploiting you. Where is the money going if they don't have major expenses? If groceries, perhaps they should look into coupon clipping or other methods of cutting down the grocery bill ###### |
I was supposed to go on a trip with my best friend next year, just the two of us and we'd both been saving for it. I have a credit card that rewards me airmiles and I've been using it exclusively for the past year to get a free ticket and airmiles.
We now get to travel for the price of 1 ticket instead of 2 and we get to go business class so we've saved about £1,000 each. He's suddenly decided to invite his GF, knowing full well then we don't get along. This was annoying enough and made me not want to go on the trip but now he's expecting me to use my free ticket and airmiles to make it cheaper for her as well.
I don't like her in the slightest and want to go o a trip with my best friend. As that's not happening I told him I'm not going to use my airmiles for him and her and will travel solo if she's coming. She's an awful person and being in the same car as her is bad enough, let alone a 12+ hour flight and then 10 days on holiday.
Now he's calling me an asshole because I'm making him choose between a cheap trip together, or her. ###### | NTA. There is a van value to those miles. This is no different than him asking you to pay cash for part of her ticket. The fact that he knows you two don't get along makes the request insulting. ###### |
Me and my wife split 11 years ago when our daughter was 5-6 months old, we split cause she cheated on me and went to marry the guy she cheated on me with. I remarried 3 years later and had my son (who is now 9). The way custody works is that I get her for 1 week a month, christmas, thanksgiving and easter while my wife gets her during the summer. My ex's husband had 3 kids of his own, 1 of them her birthday falls on the day right after my daughter's and she told me when she's at her mom's house they share a birthday. me, my wife and son are currently out of state and helping out my in-laws cause they are old and need help now of days. I already mailed my gift and told my ex to give it to her on her birthday, she's always wanted air pods so I got her a pair. I had a bag and stuffing in the box and asked my ex if she could set it up for her
My ex texted me yesterday saying what I got my daughter is nowhere near what the other kid is getting and asked me to either chip in to get her something or wait. I told my ex that I won't and that my daughter has wanted this for awhile, she told me that it is unfair that my daughter gets a better present than her sister. I tried to compromise and said she can name the present in both our names (mine and ex) and get her daughter something a little bigger or more "equal" if she likes but I'm not going to just not give her the gift cause I probably won't see her for another month or so. My ex is saying I'm being unreasonable AITA? ###### | NTA. The stepdaughter needs to understand that there are different parental relationships and she doesn't get exactly the same as her sister. And I wouldn't have it be "from" both of you, either. It's a gift from her dad, plain and simple. If your wife is bitter about it, that's her problem. ###### |
I was at the store and there was a family in front of me. They were short $20 and were about to put groceries back. I felt bad for their kids who looked at their dad who had to decide whether or not to put back the bread or cheese.To me, $20 is nothing so I told the cashier I would pay. I did not know the woman behind me was recording and she posted it on social media. Someone recognized me and tipped me off. I DM'd the woman who posted the video and asked her to take it down because I don't want the attention. You can clearly see my face and the name of the company that I work for on my polo shirt. I also didn't want people to think this was some sort of stunt. I know a lot of people pull fake "charity" for attention. She refused so I contacted the social media company's admin and they took it down for me. ###### | NTA. The person who filmed and posted it was just trying to get attention for themselves through your good deed. Apart from you not wanting the publicity they also didn't think about how that video could have been humiliating for the family involved. ###### |
My partner and I live in a garden apartment, our windows are literally ground level.
We were sitting there watching tv (tv is under the window), and we see a kid in our window. Kid doesn’t just look in and leave, kid stares in. For a hot minute. I walk out, see mom, and ask her to not allow her kid to stare in my window. She says her kid was playing in the yard. We live in an apartment building, fair enough. However, there’s a giant bush in front of our window. You can’t get to our window without going around this massive bush.
I told her to teach her kid to not stare into people’s windows.
This lady lost it. Completely. She started screaming at me that kids don’t know and that she didn’t mean anything and all this.
I told her I get she’s a kid, but maybe teach her to not stare in people’s windows?
Again, she lost it. Her kid started sobbing. This woman called the cops on me for making her daughter cry. Not kidding. She called the cops for that.
I tried walking over to her a few minutes later and talk to her, tell her I get kids will be kids, but kid should know to not stare in windows, and she just continued to go the fuck off on me. And how I made her daughter cry and made her daughter hysterical and how I’m going to get arrested for making her daughter so upset.
The cops came. They actually did. I told them I just tried to tell her I wasn’t ok with her kid looking in my window. The cops were not impressed by this call, at all. We live in Chicago, there’s about 102839 other things the cops could be doing besides dealing with this.
They told us to avoid each other. No problem for me.
Am I the asshole for this? Should I have been more understanding? ###### | NTA. The mom should have told her child not to stare in the window. ###### |
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