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I (20F) am half Korean, half white. Most of my life, I ignored my Korean side. Lately, though, I've been trying to get more into the culture. I've been learning about different traditions, the culture, the language, and using the Korean name my grandfather gave me. My immediate family was never close to my Korean side of the family, but we were close to my grandfather.
My Korean name, for as long as I can remember, has been 지해, romanized as Jihae. I looked it up and it means sea, which I feel like suits me. I've always been drawn to the water.
Recently my sister was talking to my father and found out our names end with 혜, not 해. It's romanized "hye" instead of "hae," though it's pronounced the same (hay). Traditionally, siblings share a syllable, which is why my sister insists on me using "지혜". However, it's a tradition that's slowly dying out in younger generations.
I don't like 지혜. It doesnt feel like me, and I've been continuing to use 지해. However, the more my sister eggs me on about it, the more I worry I'm disrespecting my grandfather. I can't ask him about it since he passed years ago.
AITA for spelling my name how I always have?
Edit: The new spelling changes the meaning of the name. The new name means "wisdom." ###### | NTA. To be fair, with all due respect to your grandfather, a name is something one should be happy with so just use whatever makes you feel good. You surely don't mean ill, so there's no real reason to worry - it's not like you're hurting anyone or whatever. ###### |
A couple days ago my wife mentioned that our daughter wanting her ears pierced for her upcoming 7th birthday.
I was caught by surprised with this conversation as my daughter had gotten her ears pierced just the year before. My wife proceeded to clarify that our daughter wanted 3 piercings in each earlobe like herself. What surprised me even more that my wife mentioned that she had already told our daughter she would take her to get them done for her birthday.
I explained to my wife that I did not think it was a good idea for our daughter to have that many piercings so young. My wife disagreed and said she doesn't understand how it is different to getting the first holes which I was o.k with. She said that if I did not want our daughter to get them done then I would have to be the one to tell her no given she doesn't want to rescind on her gift.
I was not pleased with the move my wife pulled and don't see why I have to be the bad guy in all of this by being the one to tell our daughter she can't get her ears pierced when in my opinion it shouldn't have been agreed in the first place. AITA here for saying no or is my reaction warranted? ###### | NTA. Three piercings per ear at age 7 is just silly and ridiculous. ###### |
So we have 3 kids, 17, 15, and 10. I’m only a quarter Japanese but spent ~7 years in Japan when I was a teenager living with my parents there. I’m pretty fluent as my job requires a lot of Japanese as well.
My wife doesn’t speak Japanese at all and only speaks English. A few years ago my oldest and second oldest wanted to learn Japanese in school which she initially encouraged. Recently they’ve gotten to the point where they can understand great but still struggle to have the confidence to speak out loud. So sometimes at home I’ll practice with them for short periods of time. Like “how was your day, what did you have for lunch, etc.” They’re not advanced enough to hold long deep convos.
This has increasingly bothered my wife because she doesn’t understand and always assume we are talking about her (we’re not, it’s all very basic stuff). It has gotten to the point where she has instituted a house-wide ban on all Japanese because she thinks its exclusionary to her and our youngest and bad for family unity. Ive tried to calm her fears but I also don’t think having 5-10 minutes of Japanese conversation every day is bad for the whole family. She told me that in the US it’s universally rude to have conversations of any length that not everyone can understand.
However when she’s not around I’ll still speak to my kids in Japanese now and then. Recently our youngest heard us speaking Japanese very briefly in the backyard and told mom. My wife came home that night apoplectic and threatened to cut off our kids tuition if they insist on disrupting our family harmony. Then we had a massive fight between the two of us where she accused me of betraying her and making her look like the bad guy in front of the kids.
I feel completely torn, on one hand I did go behind her back to speak in Japanese to our kids, but on the other she was giving 0 wiggle room. But I’m not sure if I handled it poorly. AITA? ###### | NTA. Threatening to cut off tuition!? Because they keep trying to practice a language? That’s extreme and weirdly controlling.
As long as you don’t do it when your youngest kid and wife are there, there’s nothing exclusionary about it. A housewide ban is ridiculous. ###### |
I (M21) was recently given a set of wireless ear buds, the type that hang over the ear. A coworker that im close with gave them to me as a gift since he didnt like/use them. These are expensive ones that he was otherwise going to sell online if i didnt want them.
The problem is this. Upon coming home and telling my mother about it and how nice it was for him to gift them to me, she asked, which then became practically begging me to give them to her after i had initially said no. She had gone on to say that she never got to have nice headphones/listenjling apparatus and how she had gotten me nice things in the past.
I didnt really want to give them up, but i also felt guilty about keeping something nice from her. She's someone who's worked very hard to give me a good upbringing and right now we're both working to pay for expenses between the two of us. But I also refrain from buying anything unnecessary because i know we're short on money, while she's usually buying new clothes and shoes now and again.
WIBTA for not wanting to give up an expensive gift? ###### | NTA. Those things are like £60. They were gifted to YOU. Perhaps for a birthday you could gift her a set but those ones are yours. ###### |
Most of your schools probably have had the fundraisers where you sell their wrapping paper or food or something and they give you a prize.
We had one of them come over to my school and I looked at the catalog. If i sold 10 dollars worth of goods i got a prize that was worth like 25 cents. If i sold 25 dollars wroth of goods i got something worth a dollar. If i sold 50 dollars worth of goods i got something worth 5 dollars. If i sold 100 dollars worth of shit i got something worth maybe 10-20 dollars (couldn't find the price of this one online). I can't remember the rest this was all like 5 years ago.
The person was making a presentation telling us how we can raise money for the school. He asked if we had any questions and I then asked him "what percentage of the sales actually go to the school and not to your company?" and he said that "well we can't answer this question but i can tell you a lot of it will go to the school thanks for the question" and before he could say next person i butted in "what's the point of me spending hours if not days trying to get 100 dollars worth of sales when i can just mow my neighbors lawn for an hour and get 20 bucks to buy the shitty prizes online for a cheaper price?"
Everyone starts laughing at this point and he basically refused to answer the question and told me to sit down. Principal came over and pulled me out and told me to sit in the office and told me i was extremely rude and disrespectful to adults. I became sort of a legend my middle school for this, though i was put on probation and they told me if i ever pulled this shit again i'd be suspended. Fuck my middle school ###### | NTA. Those school fundraiser companies are such a scam and you were right to ask how much actually goes to your school (spoiler, if the answer to your question was "I can't answer that", then the school will be lucky to see more than 5% of the sales). On top of that the sales tactics they use to get kids into it are super shady. Good for you seeing a scam and calling it out. ###### |
im a 14 year old high school freshman and my mom and i were just having a conversation like normal, but then she asked me whether or not i’d let her live with me when i was an adult and got married. i answered no because if i were to be married, the only people i’d want to live with are my wife and my kids (if i had any), and it’s likely that my would-be-wife would agree with me.
but my mom then got upset and kept accusing me of not wanting to care for her when she grew old but i explained that i wouldn’t want to live with her but i would still take care of her. she continued and compared me to my older sister, who said that she’d be fine with letting my mom live with her and her husband.
i don’t think i’m an ass but she’s really upset at that and there’s this weird tension between us now ###### | NTA. This would be controlling behavior regardless of how old you are, but it's especially bad since you're only 14. You would likely be miserable if your mom moved in with you as an adult. ###### |
Like a lot of people, I had to save up and buy my own car. I was lucky to find an old Volvo in 2016 when I started my freshman year of college. All 4 of my siblings got cars from my parents but times changed and they couldn't afford one for me.
My sister who I love has crashed 2 of her cars. Each time my other siblings pitched in to buy her another car. At the time it didn't really bother me since I had my own car. In 2019 my Volvo had major mechanical failures and the repairs would cost more than the value of the car. I had a job but I still couldn't afford the repairs. So I spent my senior year of college without a car. Thankfully the bus system was amazing and it took me to my job and other places I needed to go. In January my sisters car broke down but it still works.
I woke up last week to a new car in the driveway and for a few minutes, I thought it was mine. When it was given to my sister I lost it. Everyone in my family was home and I let them have it. She doesn't have a job so she doesn't need it for work. This is her third car. My internship couldn't bring me on full time so I can't afford to buy a car. I am still pissed off at what happened. They knew I need a car and they bought her one. ###### | NTA. This whole “you’re not entitled” line of reasoning sometimes goes too far here. If your family’s internal culture is to pull together and help each other *when you can*, and you’ve participated in that as a general rule, then heck yes you’re entitled to their help when it’s your turn. That’s the dynamic that’s been set up in your family and what you’ve been raised to believe in, not just “expect”.
For the people here wishing to be pedantic, the fact is, you may not be entitled to a car, but you ARE entitled to reciprocation. ###### |
I told her I felt it was misleading to make me think she couldn’t afford to pay for her car battery if times were so tough and she can justify getting her nails done when I’m struggling to make it myself. Mind you she is on a fixed income, disabled, retired, and receives government compensation (social security/disability/drives Uber) for all of her bills, necessities, and fun. I’m a healthcare worker who works full time with 2 roommates out of work and on unemployment applying to grocery stores for work. We are making it work but I am trying to support us adoring this crisis with what I can but I can’t help but feel this is super selfish and wrong. ###### | NTA. This wasn’t okay. You aren’t obligated to financially support your mother and she manipulated you into doing so while using her money for unnecessary things. Not cool. ###### |
I (23F) am gay, I came out to my family when I was 18 and my family reacted pretty well. Sometimes my mom will say like low key homophobic things but it’s really whatever.
I’ve been dating a girl (23F)(Let’s call her K) for about three years now, and I took her home to meet my parents last week. My parents like her and all which is good. But this is the convo my mom, K and I had last night.
We were all sitting in the living room and she randomly says
Mom-“So who’s the man in the relationship?”
Me-“Umm..what?”
Mom-“Whose the man. You know. During sex.”
Me-“What the actual fuck kind of question is that?”
Mom-“I’m your mother. I have the right to know that about you.”
Me-“ No you don’t. Why would you want to know ANYTHING about your daughter’s sex life? What’s wrong with you?”
Mom-“K, you’ll tell me. Which one of you is the man and which one is the woman? Are you the man?”
Me-“ Yeah okay so me and K are tired we are going to bed.”
K and I stand up and start walking up the stairs.
Mom-“It’s just a simple question! Why does it matter so much?”
I tell K to wait on the stairway and I go back down to my mom.
Me-“The fact that you want to know about my sex life is so weirdly disturbing that I don’t even know what to say. What is wrong with you? Jesus Fucking Christ”
I was so weirded out by my mom doing this that we left that morning to go back home to our apartment. My mom has texted me a few times asking why I left and why I wouldn’t answer her questions about my sex life but I’ve ignored her. I do feel bad leaving because I haven’t seen my parents or my siblings in a while but wtf. AITA? ###### | NTA. This was suuuuuper cringey.
Firstly, she is not entitled to information about your personal life, sex included. Can't believe I'm typing this.
Secondly, this heteronormization of homosexual relationships is just wrong. Wtf is that questipn even supposed to mean. You're obviously **both** the woman in your relationship, duh!
So I'd either go with that or ask her stupid question right back at her. Who's the man and woman in **her** relationship?
Also, even if she were oblivious to all of that. You saying you don't care to answer this question should have been the end of it. Digging her heels in like she did and even continuing to harass you makes her the super AH. ###### |
Throwaway because this will be obvious on my personal.
I (M17) live with my sister (F16) and my mom and dad. Very recently, my sister has gained about 20000 followers or so on Tik tok and has managed to gain a few sponsorships equivalent to about 500$. This, of course, made all four of us extremely proud of her. However, because of this, my sister has flirted with the possibility of quitting high school to focus on Tik tok and social media full time. My mom and dad both actually want her to do so because they’ve heard about the millions people can make. Of course, this made her extremely happy because she’d quit high school to do something she likes but any sensible person (I think), would say this is a terrible idea. I couldn’t let this happen so I sat down with my mom and dad and showed her a bunch of statistics on how hard it is to really make a living off of social media which thankfully changed their minds. I feel kind of bad because I may have robbed her of some happiness but I have no clue ###### | NTA. This was a very poor decision on her part to not finish high school to focus on social media. If something goes wrong with TikTok, she's out of luck. You're not a bad person for doing this because you care for her. ###### |
I'm a high school teacher. I have one student who didn't pass, and now his mom and some of his other teachers want to have a meeting this afternoon talk about how we can make up the work and get him credit for his classes so he doesn't have to retake them.
This kid couldn't be bothered to show up and do the work all year. He was chronically absent and didn't do anything on the rare occasion he did show up to class when school was still in session. After the schools closed, he had months at home with no new material in my class that he could have used to make up the work. Instead, he put it all off until the last week of the semester and then half-assed everything because he didn't pay attention in class when we learned how to do the work. I feel like he's dug his own grave, and I haven't seen any changes in behavior that suggest he'd actually start trying to do well now.
On top of that, my contract ended a couple days ago. Sure the school said they'll pay me extra for working with him, but it's outside of my contractual duties. And I already have a summer job starting next week, so I don't want or need the extra hours. The only thing pushing me to join this meeting is a sense of guilt because I wouldn't feel like I was doing everything possible and going the extra mile if I don't attend the meeting. He *will* have to do summer school or retake the class next year if I don't join the meeting and offer him a customized path to make up his missing work, but doing so will further eat into my time over the next two weeks as I'll have to schedule Zoom meetings with him and take time to grade his work.
And my wife gets off work early today. We'll probably just end up watching a movie or something, but I'd rather spend the time with my wife. I feel a little petty saying this, but spending time with my wife is more important to me than trying one more time to save a student who has spent all year sabotaging himself.
So would I be the asshole if I skip this meeting? ###### | NTA. This sucks for the student. Sounds like he's had ample opportunity to get caught up, and squandered it.
Something we tell our kids (16, 13, 6): You are free to choose. You are not free of the consequences of those choices.
This student chose to do nothing all year. The consequence is summer school or repeat the the class next year. That is not your problem. That is a student/parent problem. ###### |
Some backstory:
So last November I (18F) moved in with my now ex-boyfriend (22M) to an apartment with 2 other people. These two people are married and we were friends with before moving in together. The husband (20M), we'll call him John, is in the military and his wife (20F), we'll call her Abby, worked part time at some store.
Recently John came back from a deployment and immediately upon him getting home she got pregnant. Now since she's been pregnant the chores that need to be done around the house haven't been getting down (dishes, trash, etc.). Now we don't take turns doing these chores but previously we had a talk and its a general rule that you wash your own dishes and if you see the trash needs to be taken out just take it out. But about a week and a half go John and Abby decided to cook and left their dishes in the sink, which is no biggy, but by the 3rd day they were in the sink I confronted John while he was sitting in the kitchen and asked if he was going to clean up the dishes.
He responded with "well Abby and I have both cleaned up the kitchen by ourselves why don't you."
I said "well they're not my dishes, why doesn't Abby just wash them"
He drops in the excuse that she's pregnant and doesn't want her doing a whole lot (which I understand) so I just left it alone. And my ex ended washing the dishes later that day because they had piled up and it was getting annoying.
Now this isn't the only situation that this has been an issue. But I told my ex that I'll be moving out because I don't feel respected and he says I'm in the wrong. ###### | NTA. This sounds more like your roommates are using the pregnancy to avoid doing their fair share of the work. If her husband doesn't want his wife doing chores that's fine but its up to him to pick up that slack ###### |
So. My siblings and I (2 sisters + 3 brothers + me) decided to go to a Korean bbq place a while ago. One of my sisters, let’s call her Maddie is very proud of her language skills. Idk what that even means. She doesn’t let anyone correct her and gets very upset if someone tells her she’s wrong.
So as soon as we enter the restaurant she greets a waitress with a “konnichiwa”. This waitress is a pro. Doesn’t even look surprised. She greets us in Korean and leads us to a booth.
We all sit down and hope that maddie doesn’t say anything like that again. No such luck. Every time a waiter/waitress approaches our table she greets them with a “Konnichiwa” and says “arigato” when they put down our food. By the 3rd or 4th time even the staff are looking amused.
One of my older brothers, brave soul he is tries to tell Maddie to “maybe cut down on the greetings and thanks” since we are at a *Korean* restaurant- emphasis on Korean. She doesn’t get it.
Enter brave soul sibling number 2: attempts to directly tell her she’s been talking to them in Japanese - gets cut off. None of us try again.
At the end of the meal, we are all trying to hold back laughter. As we are leaving, sister turn around and says “Konbanwa”.
After leaving the restaurant I was the first one to break. I start giggling, then my other sister follows as well. Maddie immediately asks us why we’re laughing. We tell her that she’d been speaking Japanese in a Korean restaurant. She vehemently denies it.
We pull out google translate to prove it to her. Immediate “You could’ve done that while we were eating instead of letting me embarrass myself in front of them”.
Yeah, she didn’t talk much during the drive home. ###### | NTA. This sounds like a damned if you do and damned if you don't moment. Your sister was told a number of times that she was wrong but she got annoyed at the interference. Then she got annoyed outside when she realised she messed up. Your input wouldn't have made any difference at all. ###### |
My dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather.
I've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while I got a business degree.
I found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. His reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. And that it would go to me after she died.
I was pissed and "quit" the next day. My dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work I was doing.
Now this is the potential asshole part. A month after I quit, I found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. I bought it and had it up and running in two months. My restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well.
My dad reached out to me last September and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. He offered to buy my business so I would get something out of it.
I declined the offer. Now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, I'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue.
The family restaurant however, is going under.
Now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined.
AITA? ###### | NTA. This sort of thing is exactly why my dad didn't finalize his will until he'd sat down and talked to me and my step mom together and let us come to a decision. He could have just as easily split ownership of the shop until your stepmom died and chose not to and now he's suffering the consequences of his actions. And clearly, his child is better able to run a successful business in the modern world than he and his wife are. ###### |
This whole argument is really weird to me. Basically, I'm on my period and my boyfriend said offhand he was glad he didn't have to deal with that and said something along the lines of, "I bet you wish you had a dick." To which I responded, "no, not really."
He seemed kind of taken aback by that and pressed the issue of exactly why I did not want to have a dick and I basically told him male genitals seemed really uncomfortable and awkward to possess, like I don't want some meat and a nut sack just chillin in my britches. Hard pass. He got weirdly offended by this and said I was being sexist??? I told him that I observe him scratching his nuts or rearranging his junk multiple times a day and that it would make me crazy if I had to constantly attend to my genitals like that. He got so mad about this to the point he stormed off to let me "think about" why what I said was so upsetting.
I don't get it though? Not 5 minutes earlier he was trashing vaginas and periods, but that's okay, for reasons? Y'all help me out lmao ###### | NTA. This reeks of the low-key sexist "every woman secretly wishes she were a man" thing. Insecure men really, REALLY care about the fact that they have a dick and somehow it makes them powerful and strong or some shit.
Yes, women may get periods but like...a dangling appendage that just kind of awkwardly hangs there sounds terrible to me lol. ###### |
I have a good friend from high school that I still hang out with (we are 5 years out from high school). We hang out a decent amount but mainly just to drink and smoke and go to raves together. He’s a really nice guy and a lot of time will smoke me out or gives me rides places without me asking. I’d say we hang out at least a few times a week to smoke some weed or whatever. He had been telling me for a while that since high school I had gotten much better looking especially since I have been working out for a few years and started going to expensive barbers to get better hairstyles. I didn’t think much of it because I was aware that he had a girlfriend. The other day he suggested that I sleep over because we had been drinking quite a bit and it would be unsafe for me to drive back to my parents house( which was a very good suggestion on his part). I said ok I’ll grab the couch in the living room and you go sleep in your room. Fast forward to later that night I wake up and this man is grabbing my shoulders completely naked and I freak out saying don’t effin touch me or else I’ll beat you up/call the police. I had told him multiple before when the topic came up that I was not gay at all so I’m unsure why he tried this. He goes back to his room and goes to sleep and ignores me questioning him about what the fuck just happened. I grab my things and drive back to my house and he texts me the next day saying he was blacked out and doesn’t even remember doing anything. I tell him that I don’t think we should hang out anymore because I felt completely repulsed at what had transpired. He tells me that I am being unfair because he had no control over his actions because he was so drunk. Thoughts?
Edit: wanted to clarify I’m a dude not a girl since some of these responses are assuming I’m female sorry didn’t clarify in the post ###### | NTA. This really shouldn't even be a question ngl. He has a gf and hitting on you even when he's drunk isn't an excuse for him to do so ###### |
Alright. So, kids are definitely a far off thing. I’m still under 18 and I don’t personally feel prepared to raise a kid, nor do I think I will be for the next good few years. But today some of my friends were talking about what they want their kids name to be (again just hypothetical future kids, none of my friends are actively pregnant). I chimed in, saying that I’ve always liked the name Laura. One of my fairly close friends asked if I’m really fit to be a mom or if it’d be unfair to the kid. Here’s the thing- I have spina bifida and use a wheelchair. It does impact my life obviously, but I can still do most normal people things.
I removed myself from the conversation to think for a while. I’ve never really thought fully about whether I want kids, but I certainly never thought that it’d be unfair to the kid just because I can’t walk. I PMd my friend asking if she really thought that it’d be unfair after the group chat convo moved on, and she doubled down and said yeah because kids deserve normal parents, and it’s unfair that I would take that away from them. Honestly idk what to think now. I’m a bit upset, but I don’t want to make a scene or anything. And I’ve been thinking about it more and more, and maybe she’s right. ###### | NTA. This really hurt me to hear. I’m a social worker for children and adults with disabilities. It’s revolting how discriminatory the system is. Spina Bifida can be genetic, but it’s very unclear at the present. You are not less of a parent because you have a physical disability. It seems your “friends” are uneducated on the subject. ###### |
My sister been addicted to drugs for about 3 years now, she’s addicted to Heroin and Fentanyl and just start using something called Purple down.
She has down a lot of awful things to get her fixed, like steal money from her family and sell her body, she claims now that she got everything under control which I don’t really believe.
Recently I found out that her soon to be husband doesn’t know that she’s an addict, My sister was acting odd when I brought up the monthly cost of it, she nervously laughed and said “you’re such a weirdo talking about that, are you into drugs now” so when her husband left I asked about it and she confessed that he doesn’t know I got super angry at her and told her she needs to tell him especially when you guys are trying for a baby and she said “I got everything under control so he doesn’t need to know” I got so upset that I left because I knew I couldn’t have at productive conversation at that time
A week later, I called my sister and tried to convince her that she should tell her fiancé about her drug problem and she said “I can’t do that, I will get off them soon” and when I asked her if she was gonna go to rehab she said “no” I then asked if she not going to rehab then how will you get off them and she claimed she was gonna do it by herself
Now I heard her claim she was gonna get off the drugs by herself for 2 years now so at this point I was frustrated and decided to call her fiancé and tell him, he was super upset and hurt that she didn’t tell him sooner but my sister was super Angry at me and threatened to disown me and never let me see my future nieces and nephews
AITA for telling my sister Fiancé ###### | NTA. This isn't everyday shit we're talking about. Your sister is addicted to what are literally the two most damaging and addicting drugs. At that point of addiction and delusion (her insisting she's going to get off), you almost can't give her the adult-like respect and independence that you would give to anyone else and not "get into her business". You saved that man's life in a way. Now he at least has the right to decide rather than be blindsided. ###### |
My friend is dating a guy who is a financial drain on her. He is an “entrepreneur” who can’t choose a practical career for shit.
He has been in 2 MLMs and has been a failed youtuber in the 3 years I’ve known him. Right now he’s in Forex doing terribly. He is in perspective definition, a NEET.
To his credit, he has always had a part time job. But, because he tanks all his money in these “side hustles,” he rarely makes enough to pay rent. In the past year, I think my best friend had to pay his half of the rent at least 3 times, and they live in a fairly pricey city.
The reason I brought this up is because my best friend called me crying and telling me that she thinks that she has to downgrade her apartment because she can’t continue paying his portion of the rent.
I told her she never should have moved in with him, and she needs a boyfriend who is at her financial level. I don’t think a woman who would have a secure and middle class life should be worrying about a man baby, especially since she wants children soon.
She got really offended, but I think she needed to hear it. She told me “never to bring it up again”, but I truly think she’s blind to his faults. AITA? ###### | NTA. This isn't about needing someone rich, it's about needing a partner who is responsible and who you can plan for a future with. She needed to hear it. ###### |
Hi everyone, I know this sounds crazy/cruel but there’s a long story to it -
I’m a transgender female. I was kicked out at the age of 10 because of the way I acted. I was always extremely feminine, wore girls clothing, painted my nails, etc... my parents and my sisters were extremely fed up and completely cut me out of their life. Luckily my grandparents took me in after all of this went down. We would go to family events and I’d see my parents and my sisters and they would literally leave. They’ve never accepted me and to this day I’ve only spoken to one of my sisters once when I saw her at the grocery store a couple years ago. I’m now 24 years old, and my beloved grandmother passed away a couple weeks ago.
She left everything to me in her living trust. I’m honestly shocked and don’t really know what I’m doing but that’s not really what I’m here to talk about. She left me the family house, most of her funds...literally everything. Now I don’t really know how will & testaments work but I went over it with my psychiatrist (yeah I know, not the best person) and she kinda gave me the gist. I’m going to hire a lawyer and get everything sorted out, though. Anyways back to the point. My sisters and my parents reached out demanding to see the living trust. I’ve been ignoring them and I have no idea how they even got my number in the first place but they’re threatening to hire a lawyer, etc. I’m not planning on giving them ANYTHING at all. Am I a bad person for this? Do they deserve anything? I probably am making no sense because I’ve never been left with this much responsibility but yeah. Thanks so much if you’ve read this I just feel like I’m being a horrible person tbh. ###### | NTA. This is your grandmother's will, not yours. She thought they deserved nothing, whatever they, you or anyone else thinks on the matter is irrelevant. This is her estate and this is what she legally specified has to be done with it.
Personally, I think you need to honour your grandmother's wishes. That means lawyering up, and be prepared if anyone in your family tries to contest the will. But it also means making the right decisions about this inheritance, use it wisely and to make something great of your life. Make your grandmother proud. ###### |
So to start, this is about periods that wemon have every month so if you dont like hearing about it just leave. Also if you are homophobic/biphobic leave
So im a teenager my periods are painful. The cramps are so bad that I want to curl up into a ball and die. The only way i function on my period is taking meds every 8 hours. My period is also very heavy and it really sucks. Ever since i first got my period me and my mom have talked about birth control because it stops your period. Not so i can mess around with guys. Now my family (my grandma and my aunt) strongly doesnt think i should. Because they belive if i start it now i wont be able to have children of my own, even though i wont because im bi and i like girls more than guys. They call me a brat for not listening to them and say i should listen to the over my mom. I'm siding with my mom and now they refuse to speak to me. And its making me feel bad for not going with what my family belives in.
So reddit AITA? ###### | NTA. This is your decision, and no one else should have an opinion on how you choose to deal with your painful periods. ###### |
Thieving sister
So my sister (15) has been buying stuff off of our grandmas debit card. I told my mom multiple times to get my grandmas card number change because my sister has the information written down somewhere. She doesn’t change the card, and my sister buys $100 ring as a gift for her girlfriend, which she has shipped to our house. I grabbed the package and told my grandma I’d ship the ring back and get her her money back but my mom and dad just want to let my sister have the ring and pay her back over time... am I the asshole for being pissed at my parents for not taking action on this or am I overreacting? ###### | NTA. This is theft and your parents are complicit in it. All three are assholes. Can you assist your grandmother in reporting her card stolen so as to get a new one issued? ###### |
Preface: I am 27 year old male and i have arthritis in my lumbar spine as well as a bulge in the same area. My only relief is laying down supine on my bed. Every other activity hurts. Walking, sitting, standing, everything. I just finished a year of unsuccessful treatment and being young my doctor said I could be placed on permanent restrictions but not permanent disability.
Main issue:
I'm coming home from picking up my dog from my girlfriends house as she was babysitting. I get home it's like 11:15 pm. There is absolutely no parking and my dad has the driveway because he pays the bills.
I ask my sister and her guests of like 8 people if anyone is parked directly in front of our house. One guy responds and I ask politely " if you don't mind parking somewhere else I really appreciate it. I have back issues and it would really help me out if I didn't have to walk far."
Then my sister chimes in " I don't give a fuck, he doesn't have to move, if you got a problem with it then take it up with dad".
I disregard her. I repeat myself to her guest a simple " I would greatly appreciate it if you could help me out " he obliged and we switched spots. ( The nearest parking spot was about a little less than quarter of a mile upward. Thanks COVID-19 now you have everyone home there's no parking) no harm no foul. Now I hear my sister berating me to her guests about " how I'm such a bitch and an asshole and how I'm faking an injury"
Now I'm not sure if this is relevant but I feel I should mention that our mother passed away unexpectedly on June 29th, 2020 and idk if I should just chalk it up to my sister still being hurt from our mom's passing.
I just believe that since I live here, and given my back problem i was okay in asking him to switch spots with me.
Was I the asshole for doing so? ###### | NTA. This is the most clear cut case of NTA in recent memory, and high on the all-time list. ###### |
So the way I make toast when I make a full breakfast is a bit weird. I toast it twice on the lowest setting so it's fresh and warm when I've finished with the fry pan. It's just easier to time things that way, and it's how I like to cook.
My SO doesn't understand why I do this, and wants me to change it back to his preferred setting when I'm done, so he doesn't accidentally come up with slightly toasted bread instead of brown.
I maintain that he's a big boy and can change the setting just like I do when I go to use it.
His arguments are that it's weird how I do my toast (he's repeatedly asked me to re-explain because he just doesn't get it) , and when I change the setting its like "putting the kettle setting on 50 degrees and not changing it back".
I feel like this disagreement is so stupid and I have no need to explain why I like to cook the way I do, but it keeps coming up so I'm honestly wondering if I'm going crazy or really being THAT inconsiderate. AITA? ###### | NTA. This is such a non-issue. It doesn't matter if how you make your toast is weird or he doesn't understand it. If everyone just checks the toaster before using it, everything will be ok. (Even if you each end up with suboptimal toast from time to time because you forgot to check.) ###### |
So i was spending time with my mom today and my best friend decided to call me. i had headphones on luckily so i picked up and she seemed somewhat off during the conversation. while talking to her she kept moaning and sighing more and more often and said her boyfriend was fingering her while i was on the call. she then abruptly hung up and i felt so uncomfortable and violated that i didn't really know what to do. i texted her saying it made me uncomfortable and she said "my boyfriend made me do it" and she was sorry. so i texted her boyfriend and let him know that the call made me feel weird and uncomfortable and that i didnt find it funny at all. he replied and said "well i found it hilarious" with an unnecessary picture of my friend in nothing but her underwear. i was disgusted with him and carried on with my day but was still appalled by their choice to call me. she called me a few hours later profusely apologizing and taking accountability for what they did, which i appreciated but i discovered that her boyfriend took her phone and called me specifically and put me on speakerphone while he was fingering her and the phone was out of her control. she defended his action and told me he was sorry but i told her that if he was sorry then i could hear it from his own voice. i am still upset with them both for her defending her boyfriend's action by saying "i think he's sorry and he was just trying to be kinky" and him for calling me in the first place and not taking accountability for his own actions. AITA for still being upset? ###### | NTA. This is sexual harassment. They included you in their kink without consent.
In fact, I’m a bit worried about your friend. It reads as if she did not consent to him calling you on her phone nor did she consent to him sending the picture of her. Is she comfortable herself in this relationship? I would keep a close eye on how he treats her otherwise. ###### |
My nephew is a great kid. He’s 17 and he loves a lot of nerdy things, he’s always loved Transformers and I took him to see every movie, and I watched every show with him (including the originals from the 80s) since I babysat him a lot.
I am a collector. I have hundreds of figures and toys from Transformers, anime, games, etc.
My sister and her husband are very strict, very anti anything that’s not related to making money or working. Their kid’s not like that at all. He works hard in school and has a job, but he likes to have hobbies and do things he loves.
It’s was his birthday and I decided to gift him a rare figure that you can’t get anymore and is worth a fuck ton of money. He’s always loved that particular figure, and he was so happy to receive it that he cried. He decided then that he wanted to start his own Transformers collection and he ordered all the parts to Devastator and all his favorites with his own money. (I did buy him one more though, kid deserves it)
My sister is furious because she says I’m teaching him to be lazy and waste his money on useless shit. I got angry and told her that if it makes you happy, it’s not useless, and that she needs to show a little interest in her son beyond his grades and income because he’s told me that he feels like he’s unloved unless he’s her little robot.
AITA? ###### | NTA. This is ridiculous and he is 17, not 7, nor was it inappropriate. But either way, he will be out of the house in like a year. Spoil him with Transformers then since he will be an adult and they cannot do anything about it. ###### |
Okay, this is kind of of a weird one. I have been dating my girlfriend for 7 months now. I want to preface all of this by saying that I love her and that this post makes her sound worse than she is. She is one of the most genuine, sweetest, and hardworking people I have ever met. But, this whole situation has been so off putting to me and I don’t know what to do about it.
My girlfriend can be a bit clingy in general which, frankly, I have always found a bit cute. But, when she goes to the bathroom she always wants me to join her. At first I thought it was cute she wanted to spend time with me so much but I didn’t realize it was something she was going to expect every time. It started as just sitting on the side of the tub while she peed. Which could be inconvenient depending on if I was in the middle of something but I didn’t mind too much. But, starting a few months ago she started going number two and also dealing with her period stuff in front of me too. I’ve tried to excuse myself because the sights and smells. But, it hurts her feeling when I do and it always ends up in a fight about something unrelated. So, I’ve been dealing with it to keep the peace. She doesn’t mind if I go on my phone or do something else in the bathroom. But, even so, I just don’t want to witness/smell/hear those moments and it’s starting to impact my attraction towards her. I’ve tried talking with her but it seems to be really important to her for whatever reason. WIBTA if I stopped doing this? ###### | NTA. This is really one for a therapist, and I mean that quite seriously. She needs to be able to go to the bathroom alone. ###### |
Throwaway
I am a 16 year old male boy and I have a mother. Anyway my mother is one of those parents who is great with the community. Anyway a few days ago my mother adopted a 15 year old girl and a 10 year old boy who are Billings. She made me give up my room I stayed for 14 years to the girl and made me share in a smaller room with the 10 year old boy.
Anyway the 15 year old girl constantly makes fun of me and the 10 year old boy brakes my things and I don't give him permission to touch my property. I told my mom either give me back my old room or make the 10 year old and 15 year old kids share or make a brand new room for one of them or I am living permanently for the rest of my life at my dads house who lives in a way better neighborhood.
I also told my mom if she wants me to visit her she is going to have to actually parent these adopted kids other wise she is going to be stuck with problem children. My mother yelled at me for not considering them as a family and telling them that the reason they are problem children is because they had a tough life and that I am not accepting them as family. My mother also told me that I am the problem child because I have no empathy for these kids.
She said that the 15 year old girl needs more privacy than boys and that I can just man up. Mother told me that I can just man up and live here. I told her that I am heading to my dad and I am not going to have a relationship with her anymore and that she can love her adopted children I told her I need my own room as much as the 15 year old girl. My mother yelled at me and told me to get lost. I am at my dads house now. My dad is very furious at my mom. I might have been mean about the adopted kids and that I might have been rude to my mom but those kids break my things and bully me so I don't want to live with them aita ###### | NTA. This is NOT how you introduce adoptive siblings. She didn't even ask how you would feel and then put you out of your childhood bedroom... If she at least just moved the boy into your room it would make more sense. But what she's doing is making you resent these kids for HER actions. She should have taken parenting and introductory classes before adopting these kids, and if she did she isn't putting any effort into using the tools she was given.
INFO: Did you know about the adoptions before you met the kids? I'm just curious. ###### |
I've recently been having some dental problems like pain and black spots on my gums and teeth pain, it's been going on for a few months and I've brought it up with my parents and asked if I could go to a dentist. They've repeatedly pushed it back saying I'll be alright in some time, but when I do bring it back it up they say the same thing as if I haven't told them before.
I understand that dentists are expensive (where I live), and I'm not covered under health insurance either (since we're not citizens). I get that seeing a dentist can become very expensive but these pains have really been starting to get worse and I'm asking for dentists more and more. Would I be the asshole if I just told my parents to just take me to a dentist already?
For context, we are by no means poor, but my parents did grow up in a country without many dentists so they were raised with the belief that dental problems aren't that big of a deal and that it'll resolve itself. ###### | NTA. This is literally medical abuse, OP. Health problems, especially dental problems, don’t tend to go away on their own and delaying treatment will only make it worse. If they don’t agree, book yourself in and tell the dentist to bill your parents. Your health should come first. ###### |
I live in a condo type house so there are 2 separate apartments in one building. I (F23) live alone and the person in the other apartment is a man with multiple sclerosis.
Our paths rarely cross because I work 8 - 5 and he doesn't appear to leave his house very often; however, I was home one day back in October and he knocked on my door. He asked if I could drive him to the bank to get cash and then to pay rent. Even though I felt slightly uncomfortable, I also felt guilty because he needed help. So I did.
Since then, every month he has asked me for help and every time I was genuinely busy and unable to help him. I told him that I work all day and travel on the weekends so he should find another arrangement. However, he started knocking on my door more frequently and although I feel like an ass, I started ignoring them.
Presently, I'm staying inside and working from home. On Monday, he knocked on my door and I told him that I'm limiting my interactions with people. On Thursday, he knocked again and I was on the phone with my mom so I opened it and said "I'm busy right now, do you need anything?" but he turned around and walked away. He knocked again Friday night, which I ignored and he has knocked 3 times today.
I feel like an asshole for ignoring him and not wanting to help him but he has done some other stuff that makes me uncomfortable. I want to be left alone but he either doesn't understand or is overlooking my requests. AITA for ignoring him? ###### | NTA. this is kinda weird, you told him you're not really a viable option for helping and he keeps knocking. ###### |
Today is my (24) birthday, I just got done with work and was watching tv when my girlfriend of 4 years came in the room to tell me she made my favorite kind of pie. She then asked me if I would rather kiss her for $100 dollars or kiss the hottest girl I know for $700. Not thinking much about it I said I would kiss her for $100. She got upset that I didn’t say she was the hottest girl I knew. She stormed off to our room and won’t talk to me. To me it seems like a trick question and I don’t get why she is so mad. AITA? ###### | NTA. This is just a silly trend in Twitter. I asked my bf the same (kiss me: 100 dollars or hottest girl: 1 mill) and he said he’d kissed the hottest girl once and we’d have our life solved.
I think she overreacted a bit. ###### |
Background: me (f22) and my fiancé (m23) are getting married in a couple of days and we had a move in scheduled for tomorrow, we already had a moving van scheduled and our bed and sofa delivery timed to come before our wedding so we can sort out the house out and move in on our wedding day.
I received a suspicious email this morning saying our tenancy agreement has been voided, I called up and asked why and they said it was a error. They later called me ten mins later and informed me that we can’t collect the keys tomorrow , she told me straight that the flooring is undone the toilet hasn’t been fitted and the inspector said that the sink is in the middle of the kitchen floor.
When they told me that it clicked as to why they voided our contract, I’m a law student so I know they have breached their contract as they are unable to fulfill their promise, I told them they was trying to save their ass by deleting our contract off the server and they are in fact legally liable to reimburse us for the expenses we have incurred (moving van and furniture delivery), she told me there is a property available immediately on a different development however the rent is more expensive.
I got a pretty good grade in my contract law exam so when she told me they aren’t liable to reimburse me I told them they’re liable to my partner since he signed it the fact I didn’t doesn’t exclude the fact they are contractually liable to my fiancé. Also if they can’t honour our contract they need to give us the slightly more expensive property for the same price we agreed to our initial one.
Anyways they point blank said no and they will get the property ready for next week. I said if they don’t get it ready for by Monday latest I will sue them and I know I have solid ground? AITA for throwing the book at them and threatening. This is the 2nd time they’ve pushed back out move date. ###### | NTA. This is hurting you financially. Take them to court. ###### |
My sister has this personality. If she is happy, everyone’s happy -maybe a bit annoyed, because she yells a lot- but if she’s anxious, then she makes sure everyone’s anxious. We’ve told her multiple times to stop making her problems the whole family’s problems but she won’t listen and will just keep doing it.
Today my mum cooked an organic burger, which is unusual. These burgers are tastier and better than regular ones (in my opinion) and I was very happy to be able to eat one pacefully. But my sister stomped downstairs and started complaining about how much homework she had. I did not want her to keep me from enjoying the burger, so I said to her:
“Can you stop taking about your homework while we’re having dinner? You’re always talking about your homework and it’s very annoying”
“Don’t listen if you don’t like it”
I was very annoyed by her answer. She was fully aware that she was annoying me -and everyone in the family- and still wouldn’t just shut up.
I got up, took my plate and my glass and sat down on the living room’s table to enjoy my burger, which by the way tasted delicious.
When I went back to the kitchen to put the plate in the dishwasher and everything, she gave me a death stare. It almost felt like she was trying to guilt trip me for not standing her raging complaints. She’s now upset with me and will talk to me as if I was a POS.
Honestly, I am very tired of her attitude. I cannot fully figure out wheter I am being the asshole or not. She’s always putting us in a bad mood and is not willing to stop her selfish bratty attitude. ###### | NTA. This is hard believe for some people like her want to rant in during dinner to let meal get cold or what? But it look like she try pushing her own problem to blame on them like you.. Good for you want to have peaceful dinner. ###### |
We have a friend who came out openly as a lesbian two years ago (we're all 15 y/o now) and ever since the beginning of the last school semester, she's been touching me.
She was always hugging me from behind, or pinching my butt, or squeezing my breasts. At first it didn't bother me because my friends and I all playfully do this to each other, but then I started to notice that she was doing it more frequently to me than them.
Whenever we sat down, she always found some way to sit next to me, and always found some way to put her hand on my knee.
Our group likes to do "air kisses" - where you kiss the air on each side of someone's cheek - but more than once, she has "accidentally" kissed my actual cheek. But she never "accidentally" kisses any of our other friend's cheeks...
Right before they canceled school, she made a beaded bracelet for everyone in our friend group, but mine and hers were the only ones with hearts on it.
I'm too afraid to tell any of my other friends what she is doing to me because I don't want them to think I'm homophobic. COVID has been a safe haven for me because it gave me an excuse to avoid her for many months.
But we're all supposed to hang out tomorrow and I don't know if I can keep doing this. She's touched me so much that even as I write this I can think forward to tomorrow and already feel her touching me again.
Will I be the asshole if I tell her to stop?
TL;Dr I have a lesbian friend who touched me so mucb that I want to tell her to stop touching me, but our group is a very touchy-feely group and I don't want my friends to accuse me of being homophobic. ###### | NTA. This is getting to the point where you need to tell her she's making you uncomfortable because she's targeting you more than others.
Also let her sit down first so you can avoid sitting next to her for a while.
If your friends accuse you of being homophobic just explain what's been going on. ###### |
So, my daughter's Father owes a ton of back child support. Part of the outstanding balance is taken from his paychecks along with each current payment. It's not enough to pay it all back before she's 18, but it is deducted nevertheless. Anyway, he got a letter in the mail from the US Treasury Dept telling him that they've intercepted his $1200 corona stimulus check, and it will be applied to the back child support he owes. He almost immediately contacted me to tell me about the letter and how he was counting on that money. He was very upset that they would do that to him in a "it's not fair" kind of tone. I gathered that he believes that the money that is already garnished from his paychecks should have been enough to avoid additional consequences for being a former "deadbeat" Had he been keeping up with the stimulus check news then he would have known that this was going to happen. They announced that back child support debtors would not get checks a while ago. To his credit, he has been a consistent father in our daughter's life since the Attorney General's office caught up with him several years back and garnished his wages. And we have been on civil coparenting terms with few issues. But now, he has projected his frustration and bind onto me because he had already spent the stimulus money in his head that he isn't getting. I know this pandemic has hit people in the pockets, but he has not mentioned being in a bad financial situation since he is still able to work these days. I don't know what he planned on using the money for, and I don't ever ask him for extra money whenever I'm in a tight spot. AITA if I decline handing it over to him when I get it??
Le sigh... ###### | NTA. This is for your kid, not you. He shouldn't of been a deadbeat and this wouldn't have been an issue. ###### |
So a bit of context.
I’ve been begging my husband to let me buy a car since he’s been driving me literally everywhere for over 2 years because he doesn’t want to spend money on a car or insurance. He ended up telling me no again because we need to continue putting money into our savings. I got pretty upset seeing as we have $16000 in our savings already and I just want a used car to drive myself to work.
He saw how upset I was and decided to build me my own computer so we could play video games together. I told him once a while ago that I really don’t want a computer and would rather put the $1000 towards a car. But then he started showing me different video games and won’t stop talking about it and I don’t have the heart to tell him I actually have no interest in playing any video games since they kind of bore me. Now it’s annoying the hell out of me because he’s asking me what kind of mouse and keyboard I want and complains when I tell him “I like how this one looks” because “that’s a shitty one” “that’s not a gaming keyboard” and I sort of lost it and yelled and told him “buy me whatever, I really don’t care about this at all!” And he said it hurt his feelings so I apologized and kind of lied and told him how excited I am to have a computer. Not only that but he decided to spend another $100 on wood and materials to build our computer desk. We also need to buy another chair and headset for me. At this point, I feel like if I tell him that not only do I not care about video games, but that this is all a huge waste of money to me, he would be extremely upset and I really don’t want to hurt his feelings. Should I just try to get into video games for him or should I tell him the truth? ###### | NTA. This is financial abuse, you should buy what you want especially when you decent savings for a uesd car. You dont need permission. And your husnand makes a computer WTF. I suspect he will say its a gift for u but will use it way more than you. ###### |
For context, I'm sixteen and my brother is eight and autistic.
My brother is developing an infection on his leg that's getting worse every day. Just three months ago, I had to do a major surgery on both legs for this exact infection - MRSA - and almost had to amputate. I can tell that my brother is developing the same thing, but my parents are refusing to take him to the hospital and insist on using various creams on the spot that aren't prescribed and don't seem to be helping.
I've asked both my parents to please take him to the hospital, because I struggled so much with my own surgery and Im hoping if we take him now, we won't have to operate on his legs. However, my mom is insistent that it's no big deal (she insisted this last time when it happened to me too, which is why my legs got so bad before I was taken to emergency). My dad just complains about how my mom would yell if he took him to the hospital and we've argued about this but he won't budge.
I want to take my brother to the hospital, maybe early in the morning before my parents wake up. I can cover the Healthcare costs with the money I've earned tutoring and all the money I've saved all my life from birthdays and holidays. Granted, I can't sign consent forms for him as I'm not an adult yet, but that's only if he needs surgery and I don't think he does yet, though he will if it goes untreated for a week. ###### | NTA. This is called medical neglect. He needs urgent treatment immediately. ###### |
I’m 15f. My mom is 35f. Before the pandemic started, my mom’s friend and her two kids (friend is 36f, kids are 12f and 14f) came to stay with us, and are still here.
The friend’s kids are annoying, which I can deal with, it’s not an issue. But they’re also using my hygienic things, like my razor, my special soaps/hair products that I bought for my hair and put my name on. They’ve also been drinking after me. And they got into my prescribed pain killers that I got last week, my iron supplements, my last pack of birth control, and the stash of snacks I keep in my false bottom drawer in my room. They are also harassing my cat and tearing tufts of his fur out. I told my mom about this, she didn’t seem to care.
My mom’s friend, their mom, has also been an issue. She’s been smoking weed in the basement, which wouldn’t be an issue except she smokes enough of it to cause the entire house to smell like it, and causes me not to be able to breathe. Mom’s friend goes out partying, gets drunk, and hangs out with my mom in her room pretty much 24/7. I’ve been sick and unable to keep food down this week, and I’ve been ignored by my mom because she’s hanging out with her friend. Mom’s friend is also helping her kids in eating pretty much everything in the fridge before I get a chance to get to it.
I told my mom we needed to have a serious talk yesterday, and made her sit down and talk to me. I told her what her friend’s kids were doing, and then I straight up told her that her friend was causing my legitimate distress because apparently her presence was enough to make my mom stop acknowledging my existence. My mom told me that I didn’t need to have this conversation with her, and that I was being a rude spoiled brat. She’s gone back to ignoring me, and I am still sick. AITA for telling my mom our guests are causing me problems? ###### | NTA. This is all gross at the least (the razor) and DANGEROUS at most (the pills!!!!!!???). Both parents are unfit, it seems, and why the hell is the friend going out and partying during a fucking pandemic? ###### |
My son is 10, 1 year ago he asked for a pet Guinea pig.
We have a large garden so I agreed but only with some terms.
I would cover the upkeep of food, bedding and pig treats and toys.
He would have to save up half the money for a large hutch and I would pay for a large outdoor run, he agreed and did his chores and for his birthday I paid for 2 Guinea pigs from a local farm seller.
My son named the guinea pigs pudding and candy.
Within days of buying them my son lost interest, he refused to feed them, refused to clean them and refused to move their run around the garden so they were on fresh grass.
I warned him multiple times that I would take possession of the pigs as my own, I discussed with my husband before we got them that I would quite enjoy having them in the garden as I had Guinea pigs growing up and always adored them.
So after a few months of doing 100% of the work myself I renamed the guinea pigs geralt and roach.
When my son was in the garden playing he heard me calling them to get them in the pen.
( I move them from the outdoor run and pen to the indoor shed pen at night)
He threw an absolutely huge tantrum and demanded o change the names back.
I said if he began looking after them like he was supposed to that he could change the names back.
He continued to sulk and moan but eventually agreed to these terms.
It's been a week since that tantrum and he hasn't been near them since, he sulks every day about the names but refuses to help.
my husband has told me to just change the names back and let it go, but I prefer those names and seeing as I'm doing all the work and I see them as my pets now not mu sons why shouldn't I?
I will gladly re think this situation if I am wrong or missing the point but I just don't think my husbands point Is very fair, my son needs more discipline already as he seems to be so demanding and sulky lately AITA? ###### | NTA. This is actually the most responsible and reasonable reaction I've seen to the classic issue of a kid not caring for the pet he begged for. I'm so glad that you made sure that you would be happy having the guinea pigs yourself before you got them! Thank you so, so, so much for not giving away the piggers to "teach him a lesson" - such a common and awful response.
I think this is perfect. The piggies are happy, you are happy, and your son is getting a mild but clearly felt reminder that if you don't care for your pet, it's not really your pet. Totally appropriate, and his lack of work and presence of tantrums isn't a sign that this is unreasonable. It's a sign that he is a kid, and he's trying to find an easy way out where he gets to call them his but doesn't do the work.
Hold the line. Be patient and calm and explain that he really needs to do the work if he wants them to be his, not for your sake but for theirs. Being a pet owner isn't about a possession; it's about a relationship, and that needs to happen every day. ###### |
I live in a 4 bedroom apartment with 3 other guys. I haven’t had any issues with any of them up until now when the roommate on my side started dating this girl and she basically moved. This doesn’t particularly bother me but her kid is living here now. He didn’t ask any of us if this was okay (obviously I would’ve said hell no regardless). Kids are, by nature, noisy. She’s like 6, so she’s gonna play and be a kid. However, I didn’t sign up to live with a kid.
I was going to talk to him about it and let him know that it wasn’t cool that the kid lives here. But I think I’m just going to report it to the leasing office. He didn’t give us the decency of asking, so I figure why should I?
For God sakes, he doesn’t know any of us that well and they leave her to sleep in the living room (our common space) and all of her stuff is out there. I would be worried for my kids safety and be super uncomfortable with that - you never know what kind of people you’re around.
Am I the asshole here if I report him? ###### | NTA. This is a safeguarding issue if nothing else.
As you say, they don’t know any of you well enough. ###### |
To start with, I am not rich in the sense I have a mansion and luxury cars. But with the combined income of myself and my fiancé, we live comfortably. We don’t live extravagantly, we save a lot and are able to afford nice things like a few holidays a year. If we have an unexpected expense like our car breaks down, we can easily afford to fix it.
In contrast, most of my siblings are in low income jobs. My younger sister and her husband are on minimum wage jobs, to the point they don’t qualify to pay tax on their income (we’re in the UK). My older sister and brother are better off but not by much. If they had an unexpected expense, it would be difficult for them to pay straight away. In theory we could survive on one salary if myself or my fiancé stopped working, this is definitely not the case for my siblings. But no one is hand to mouth, or super poor.
whenever I have any problems, they always dismiss it because “i can afford it”. For example, my work is cutting salaries in response to the coronavirus (we could take a voluntary paycut but it was implied if we didn’t, whole jobs would be cut). Obviously no one wants to be in this position, but their response was “you can afford to not work” or “it would be so much worse if it was happening to me”. Which, ok, that’s true but that’s not what is happening here. We need to get the rendering on our house re-done, I was asking for their opinion on what my options were, and it’s always “it doesn’t matter, you can afford it”. And I’m supposed to get married later this year but who knows if that’ll happen, and they just brush me off that I can afford to get married later.
Am I being insensitive? I don’t want to come across as a brat... but it’s hard when I want to talk about a problem I’m having and all I get in response is basically, shut up you’re too privileged to have problems. And I also don’t think having money is a solution to everything. But then that’s very easy for someone with money to say. ###### | NTA. This is a really bad mindset for anyone to have and it can make people feel like their problems don't matter. Don't listen to them. You're not a brat and it's fine to be upset about things that may not seem huge to other people. Having money is definitely not a solution to everything, btw. ###### |
My brother(single dad) and I live next to each other. He is still working outside of the home but I am not so his daughter has been hanging out with us while he’s gone. She is 13 so she can be home alone but obviously a 13yo home alone for 40+ hours a week isn’t the best idea.
Anyway, I have a 5 year old that recently got an easy bake oven that we struggled to use. She made a few “desserts” that didn’t turn out. We only had one packet of cake mix left and 13yo niece offered to help 5yo make it.
Suddenly I have a crying 5yo on my hands because she and Niece were able to make the cake...and Niece ate the whole thing. 5yo didn’t get a single bite and now we have no more mixes left.
I thought it was very rude so I sent Niece home for the day. And told her she could come back tomorrow IF she apologizes to 5yo. She gave a half assed apology but defended her actions by saying she made it so she get a to eat it and went home.
Today she came back over and I told her that I wanted a real apology and for her to realize what she did was mean. She got huffy and went back home.
I get a text from my brother asking why Niece is home crying saying I banned her from ever coming back over. I explained the situation and he reponded “omg this is so petty, why are you manufacturing drama between kids?”
AITA? ###### | NTA. This is a lesson on sharing. This isn’t manufactured drama it’s life. Your niece has to learn some social skills. At 13 years old, she should know the difference between right and wrong. But, I would allow her to come over and ban her from the easy bake oven.
Pro tip: Since you are out of mixes, you can go online and get a recipe to make more just google “easy bake oven homemade mixes. “ ###### |
My brother(single dad) and I live next to each other. He is still working outside of the home but I am not so his daughter has been hanging out with us while he’s gone. She is 13 so she can be home alone but obviously a 13yo home alone for 40+ hours a week isn’t the best idea.
Anyway, I have a 5 year old that recently got an easy bake oven that we struggled to use. She made a few “desserts” that didn’t turn out. We only had one packet of cake mix left and 13yo niece offered to help 5yo make it.
Suddenly I have a crying 5yo on my hands because she and Niece were able to make the cake...and Niece ate the whole thing. 5yo didn’t get a single bite and now we have no more mixes left.
I thought it was very rude so I sent Niece home for the day. And told her she could come back tomorrow IF she apologizes to 5yo. She gave a half assed apology but defended her actions by saying she made it so she get a to eat it and went home.
Today she came back over and I told her that I wanted a real apology and for her to realize what she did was mean. She got huffy and went back home.
I get a text from my brother asking why Niece is home crying saying I banned her from ever coming back over. I explained the situation and he reponded “omg this is so petty, why are you manufacturing drama between kids?”
AITA? ###### | NTA. This is a learning moment. The 13 year old will either learn to share, or that all she has to do is go crying to Daddy to get her way.
Your daughter is also having a learning moment. She understands that what happened was unfair, now is Mum gonna stand up for her, or is Mum gonna sweep it under the rug? ###### |
My friend Alicja was pissed drunk the other night, to the point she was sleeping on the street and I tried calling her a taxi to get her home while ensuring she wasn't choking on her vomit and nobody would do anything to her. 2 taxis straight up refused to take her becuase she's drunk and the last taxi said they would only if i was in the taxi with her, holding her to ensure she vomited in a barf bag and not all over the taxi. I spent like 50 zloty, on the taxi ride (that's a lot in Poland) and I take her to her apartment, no elevator so i have to walk her up 7 flights of stairs.
When we fianlly get in her place, I get her to drink some water and I hold her hair back as she throws up in the toilet. Her flatmate gets woken up and tells me to leave, to which i refuse and I tell her Alicja said i can spend the night here and I have no money left in my wallet to get a taxi and I can't walk back either becuase my phone is dead (google maps was needed, unfamiliar area). They unfotunately didn't have an Iphone charger. Her flatmate is telling me to leave and I tell her to shut the fuck up becuase I'm trying to take care of Alicja and I have nowhere else to go. her flatmate can't force me to leave from Alicja's room becuase htey rent different rooms, jsut shair a common bathroom and kitchen.
The flatmate kept saying she feels uncomfortable with boys in her presence and she doesn't want me nearby and I told her to shut hte fuck up and go back to bed, Alicja drank like a liter of Vodka and I spent 3 hours and 50 zloty getting her there, I have no energy or money to get home and i don't care what her flatmate says.
A bunch of my friends are pissed becuase they are also friends with the flatmate and are saying i made her feel "uncomfortable" and i shoul'dve not stayed to which i say fuck that i don't give a shit i have no interest at all of being involved with the flatmate and i left the house at 8 am. ###### | NTA. This had me torn for a minute, but putting myself in your shoes, I would be in such a terrible mood if I had to spend all my money dragging my friend home because she over did it, cleaning up her vomit, all to have her roommate immediately tell me to gtfo while I’m still helping the drunk friend. Could you have responded to her in a better, nicer way? Yeah probably, but not after everything else you put up with that night.
You’re NTA and you’re a great friend for doing all that. ###### |
So when my wife and I got married I was probably 40 pounds overweight. I gained weight for a couple years until I finally got sick of being a fatass and started exercising and dieting. Since then I’ve lost 50 pounds, and I’d say I’m within a healthy weight range now.
When I first married my wife I would say looks wise I was out of her league. I think she’s very pretty and I was definitely not good looking. I’d say now we’re more equal as physical attractiveness goes, not to be a brag.
Anyway I was talking to a friend about how I’d finally lost weight and it felt good, he congratulated me then said that I should upgrade my wife. I figured it was a joke and chuckled a little but he kept going with it, said that we’ve only been married a few years(4, not nothing) and that I shouldn’t spend the rest of my life with someone “ugly” that I married because I was fat.
I said yes, I do in fact want to spend the rest of my life with someone I married, that tends to be how it works, and that I’m not a piece of shit so I’m not going to upgrade my wife.
He got a divorce a few years ago and talked a bit about how good it felt to be out there again, but never really said it was because he thought she was ugly.
He got pissed and said that he divorced his wife for looks and he isn’t a piece of shit, at which point I said that I disagreed, and he hung up. He messaged me later that we exchanged some “harsh words” and should just move past it, but then followed it up with he wants an apology.
I don’t know what the fucks wrong with him, but a mutual friend also messaged me that calling him a piece of shit wasn’t “cool”. I don’t know I’m pissed off right now so it’s hard to tell if I went too far.
AITA? ###### | NTA. This guy is a major asshole and what he suggested was disgusting. Same goes for anyone who defends his behavior. ###### |
My husband(38M) and I(37F) have been married 17 years. We have two children, 18M and 13F. Every few years my husband gets what I lovingly call baby fever and wants to have another child. I usually respond with "the baby factory is closed" and he drops it. It tends to only happen more when friends, family, or coworkers have babies so I didn't really take his requests to seriously.
Last year he told me he wants to have another kid but unlike the other times, he hasn't let it go. It is really putting a strain on our marriage. To him there is no reason to not have another child. We are in a better state financially than we were with the first two and have better insurance. We also own our home. Why not have another?
To me, it's another 10 months of misery. My first two pregnancies were really rough on me physically and mentally and I was in my early 20s then. I can't imagine how much harder it would be now that I'm pushing 40. Then there is the months/years of diapers, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, etc. My husband is a good father but 90% of all child care from birth to about 5 years was my responsibility.
I am firmly against having another child. My husband thinks it is unfair that I keep saying no and there is nothing he can do about it.
AITA for telling my husband no to having another child? ###### | NTA. This guy is a human skin suit stuffed with red flags. Please keep us updated and don’t give in! ###### |
Throwaway because my parents browse this sub
So today my father set a challenge for me and my mother.
Who ever completed the 5km loop around our house would get anything they wanted( as long as said item was under 100 euros)
So I can do 5k in 27 minutes while it takes my mother 40 ish minutes so I was sure I was gonna win.but my mother has a habit of letting me run off, then calling one of her friends to bring her home after about 1km, so it seems like she is this super fit "model", while she makes me look like a fat lazy bastard.
So we set off and I tailgate my mother so she cant cheat and I tail her for about 4km and then i sprint the last 1km and win, but my mother was fucking furious, she went off at me saying I "belittled her and made her look unfit" and is demanding that my dad gets her a present because "it's not fair to get your son something and not your wife"
So reddit, aita for tailgating my mother? ###### | NTA. This goddamn post is riddled with typos. Every time it says "mother" or "mom" it should say "toddler". Please fix this. ###### |
Yeah so my friend had exposure at work and she got tested, alright that’s the reality of life now. Fast forward 10 says later, still no test results. Well i find out a couple Tuesday’s ago that her results were actually positive- she found out on a Monday- and doesn’t bother to tell me despite being around me and others. Her husband actually spilled the beans. I was around her during this time and my husband was leaving a couple days later to visit family, namely his Mother who is immune compromised due to chemo. I was a little upset and all I texted was “you do know you can still spread it and don’t you think you should have told me?” Her response “well I feel fine.” I did not respond further. I found out a few days later she tells a mutual friend how I “hurt her feelings.” I’m just floored at how selfish this seems and tbh it’s affecting my friendship with her because I feel her behavior is disturbing. I’m not trying to be overly dramatic but like most everyone, I have a job, a family and don’t want to get sick and infect others or miss work or God forbid face hospitalization. But now she’s pretty cold towards me. Did I handle this wrong? ###### | NTA. This disease kills people and gives others life long injuries/effects. Not just old or sick people.
Let her ignore you. That is not the sort of person you want in your life. She doesn't care about your safety, your husband's safety or anyone elses. ###### |
My husband (28M) and I (26F) have been talking about his interest in music and movies and he admits that he think men are better/more interesting in movies and in music. They’re better writers, singers, musicians, etc. He doesn’t think women are incapable of being just as good as men or better, he just says he hasn’t found any female artists that impress him as much as men do. Which is upsetting enough I guess. But he also says the few female artists he does like, he won’t play when I’m around because he doesn’t want me to start playing more female artists all the time since he doesn’t like a majority of them. So obviously I’m pissed. I feel like he’s just manipulating when me he does that. Who’s the asshole here? ###### | NTA. Thinking men are inherently better at something than women is sexist, yes. And it sounds like he lets the gender of the artist influence his opinion more than the music. ###### |
So a little bit of context; I (14M) live in NYC and have 2 siblings: my sister (23F) and my brother (8M). We live in a brownstone where my parents have the biggest bedroom, I have the second largest, my brother has the third largest, and the other 2 bedrooms function as guest bedrooms. My sister lives in a college dorm, and only spends breaks at home.
So until my sister went to college she lived in the second biggest bedroom (where I currently stay in), I stayed in the third largest (where my little brother currently lives in), etc. However, once she went to college we all 'moved up a bedroom'' I guess, and now when she visits she usually stays in one of the guest bedrooms. One thing to note is that my bedroom is quite a bit bigger than the guest room.
Until now there's never been a problem with that arrangement. Recently though my sister had to come home due to current events, and it looks like she's going to stay until summer break ends. In light of this she wants her old bedroom back.
My parents agree with her, and say since she's "older" she should have more space, and I ought to be more understanding and whatnot.
I absolutely refuse. All my stuff are in this room, I've stayed here for the past 5 years, and frankly, IDGAF that this was originally her bedroom. However, my parents are basically making me, and in reality there's not much I can do about it. So reddit, for my peace of mind, AITA for not wanting to give up my bedroom for my older sister? ###### | NTA. They’re complete jerks for doing that to you when she’s going to leave again anyway. Are they going to kick your little brother out of his room because you’re older and need more room?! ###### |
Kind of a long post but bear with me.
Yesterday, my husband's side of the family wanted to celebrate Mother's Day since it was a nice day out and tomorrow (actual holiday) is supposed to rain pretty badly.
Every year since husband and I have been married, we've done a joint Mother's Day: an outdoor barbecue at his parent's house.
Because of the "lockdown", I already wasn't thrilled about the idea of going out, but husband persuaded me saying "it will be less than ten people, so it's fine." I do love him and get along with most of his family, so I agreed. Now, here's the thing. His mother is an absolute Karen and has never liked me. My own mom passed away only a couple months ago due to lung cancer and this will be the first Mother's Day without her. With this on my mind, I wasn't looking forward to celebrating the holiday, but I toughed it out and went to the barbecue.
Since I had to work late (because they made this a WEEKDAY get together last minute, no less) I missed the first hour, which MIL criticized me for non stop.
Already I can see the whole event is just going to be about her. I also did not get a chance to go the store to pick out a card, so when MIL told me where to put gifts and I didn't have one, of course she made a big deal over that too.
She loudly called it out, too, and then pulled husband aside and asked why he couldn't have gotten a wife that would have bothered to get her MIL a present for Mother's Day. I was pretty upset over this, so I just walked out and told her not to expect me to show up for Christmas either.
Husband spent the whole night later on the phone with her trying to console her and siding with his mom, making me think I was TA and wrong for walking out and showing up empty-handed. After all, they ARE sort of my family too.
AITA? ###### | NTA. They/Your husband didn't seem to take your schedule into consideration whatsoever, and let you fall flat on your face when it came to the gift. Your husband should have supported you by 1) planning the celebration on a day more convenient for you or, if that wasn't possible, 2) get a gift in your name for your MIL . It's like he doesn't want your relationship with her to improve.
I also don't see him sticking up for you when your MIL is complaining to him about something pretty superficial (the gift), neither during her complaints or afterwards. Like, he could've told her you recently lost your own mother and this day is hard enough for you as is?? Why didn't he do that, or say anything in your (rightful) defense? Not even a peep when you arrived an hour after the event started because you were WORKING, like what's his deal?
I don't think you're TA at all and I'd stick to your guns about Christmas (or other events). ###### |
Both of my parents have been on an extended visit since. I also have an 18 month old daughter which they want to help look after, which sounded cool at first, but here’s the catch, every morning and throughout the day, they both get completely stoned off their asses and are, what I would consider, WAY too careless with my daughter. From today alone:
-Dad took my daughter downstairs to play, then stopped paying attention and she climbed up the stairs all by herself. We have baby gates on both ends of the steps, so, the gate was left open and she was ignored long enough to make it up 2 flights of steps.
-Mom decided she wanted to cook on the stove and was completely oblivious to my daughter reaching up to the stovetop almost grabbing a hot pan. Luckily I was there and hollered at her before she could.
-Mom was holding my daughter and tried to pass her to my dad, and “something” happened where my daughter kicked over a cup of coffee onto my wife’s Nintendo switch, completely bricking it. They both refused any responsibility and tried to blame the 18 month year old. Their completely baked indifference about ruining my wife’s Switch literally brought her to tears, but that could also be the hormones from her being 7 months pregnant.
-When they went to the down stairs living room, they left the baby gate open, luckily I was paying attention when she swung it open, and stopped her from trying to fall down the steps.
I finally said something just now to my mom about it, when my wife went to the store. I was calm, but very matter of fact and direct. She got super defensive. I tried my absolutely hardest to be chill and not be accusatory, but can tell I still hurt her feelings. I just want my parents to not smoke so much when she’s supposed to be caring after my daughter. I don’t feel like this is an unreasonable demand. AITA?
TLDR: Mom and Dad smoke too much weed and I don’t want them watching my toddler unless they dial it back. AITA? ###### | NTA. They've already demonstrated that they can't keep your kid safe while they're high. It's not unreasonable at all to ask them to smoke after they're done with childcare, and if they can't do that then it's certainly not your fault. ###### |
For context - I'm back in my hometown, staying with my parents, grandfather and sister in a small apartment which has only two bedrooms. Needless to say, this has led to cabin fever.
Today, my sister came to me with some news related to her job offer (they have delayed the joining date and reduced the salary) and I wasn't properly sympathetic because I was in the middle of some work (total asshole here, I agree).
Later, when talking to her and my mother things got heated because I hadn't displayed proper empathy to my sister. My mother got angry, and when she gets angry she starts screaming. She started telling me off and complaining about how much my sister and I fight.
Now, my parents have a very contentious marriage. I have grown up witnessing bitter fights every day, and my mother's constant complaining of my dad not living up to her expectations.
Back to the situation - I got fed up with my mother's screaming and I said well you shouldn't complain about us, you and dad fight too so how is this different.
Me saying this was unforgivable, and I have no right to comment on their marriage.
AITA? ###### | NTA. They're your parents, their marriage directly affects you. You have the right to comment on something that directly affects you. ###### |
Throwaway account, on mobile, first time poster, etc.
My partner (20M) “Jack” and I (20F) recently decided to get married. We have been starting to plan some broad aspects of our wedding so we’ll know more of what we’re looking for when we set them in stone. One thing we’ve started looking at is the number of guests we’re going to be inviting, since we want it to be as small of an affair as it can be with our large families.
This has me a little concerned about two guests I really want to invite: my ex best friend “Lindy”’s (20F) parents. Lindy and I were friends for about 15 years, but she basically ghosted me and told me I wasn’t her friend and she didn’t want me to contact her ever again. However, I have maintained some contact with her parents, who actually took my side and apologized for her. We have met in public a few times (I live in a different city now so not often) and they have met Jack. I sent them a card when they went through a tragedy, whenever we run into each other they are always so happy to see me. Overall I would say my relationship with them is great, and if they were not her parents there would be no question that we would invite them to the wedding.
I don’t know if I’d be an asshole for inviting them, since I have zero interest in inviting Lindy. If I invited them, I’m concerned it would look like I was still bitter toward Lindy. Also, I feel bad for probably putting them in a tough position, having to choose between myself and their daughter.
I asked Jack what he thought about it, and he said that if I would invite them if Lindy wasn’t their daughter, it shouldn’t make a difference that she is their daughter, especially since she was the one who ended the friendship and not me. I am still unsure, but I want to sort this out ASAP so that it doesn’t become a major stresser for me later.
WIBTA if I invited them even though I’m not inviting their daughter? ###### | NTA. They're your friends, Lindy isn't, and it seems like it's on her that she isn't. You shouldn't have to invite people you dislike to your big day. ###### |
So, my cousin and his wife have 2 daughters. Cora is 8, Anna is 15. Back in August, Anna and I were talking and I don't know what brought it up, but she mentioned that all she knew about any sex ed stuff was her mom told her women have periods and she assumed 'babies come out the butthole.' I know I might be the asshole for basically giving her the talk, because that's her parents' job, but I knew they almost certainly weren't going to tell her anything. I ended up going over pregnancy, what happens with periods, sex, protection and consent.
Anyhow, I was honestly curious about why her mom didn't tell her anything aside from "you're going to get a period every month and bleed." So, about 2 weeks ago, I went to my cousin's wife and respectfully asked why there hasn't been a sex ed talk between her and Anna. Mom said it was basically because her mom gave her an unclear sex ed when she was too young to understand, and she's had a very pathetic sex life. During the conversation, I tell my cousin's wife that it's my opinion that not giving a growing child age appropriate information about their bodies is like giving a 16 year old keys to a car and not telling them how to drive, how to maintain and care for a vehicle, and not giving them any driver's ed and expecting them to not to get tickets or get into accidents. I didn't say it in a rude or degrading way, I just stated it as my opinion and she could take it for what it was. I never told her that she's a bad mother, just that my opinion is that no sex talk is similar to giving a car to a teen with no driver's ed.
Well, a few days ago, I was back at my cousin's house and my cousin said that his wife was mad at me and she doesn't want me at the house because I said she was a bad mother. Am I the asshole for voicing my opinion? ###### | NTA. They're doing their kids a huge disservice, and you were right to respectfully point it out. ###### |
So I feel terrible and guilty but I also feel like I have no choice. Looking for advice and unbiased judgment.
I have a younger sister (26) who’s disabled. I won’t get into it but she’s unable to work a full time job and is on disability, which isn’t much. She’s been living with me for ~3 years. I pay for nearly everything including groceries but she chips in for utilities or takeout once in a while.
Last year she started dating a guy and got very serious very quickly. He’s underemployed with social anxiety and lives off of a little money his parents send him each month. He also moved in with us a few months back. I live in a larger house so didn’t mind 2 more people at the time.
Two weeks ago my sister told me she was pregnant. I was shocked. She said she’s around 1.5 months along and they’re excited to be parents. I didn’t know how to react and sat on it for a few days before approaching both of them and saying that I can’t have them raising a baby in my home.
I basically support both of them at this stage, letting them use their own money (again, not much) for leisure things like movies or video games. I asked them how they plan on paying for a baby and they didn’t think it was a big deal. I imagine if the baby comes I’ll probably end up paying for all 3 of them.
In the end I told both of them that they can stay with me until the baby comes, but I don’t want a baby in my home and the huge amount of responsibility that will probably fall to me. My sister cried and her bf accused me of being two faced, because they have nowhere else to go. I offered to help them pay rent for the first few months and budget for them but they’re resistant. My sister is now saying I’m essentially forcing them to give up their baby by kicking them out. I feel bad but I feel like if this keeps going I’ll be supporting an entire family on my own for who knows how long. AITA? ###### | NTA. They will get an additional SSI payment for the baby. And they qualify for subsidized housing, but they'll probably have to get on a list, so they should get on that. ###### |
My parents are divorced. They've really been fighting a lot, and they fight a lot about material possessions.
Try and one up each other getting me things, but also try to force me to leave them behind when I go to the other's houses, like they want their houses to be the best ones with the best things. Argue if I come home from the others house with things dirty or misplaced accusing the other of purposely stealing or destroying things.
It's ridiculous and it seems like a power play between them. And I'm sick of fighting over THINGS. Damn pieces of plastic or metal or whatever should not have this power over us.
So I told both my parents that THINGS that they fight about don't bring me happiness, they bring me sadness. And if there's any fighting or petty anger about a thing, I'm gonna give it away or throw it away because I'm sick of my life being ruled by stuff.
I won't take gifts anymore because they always come with terms and drama
And I have been doing it. I've gotten rid of most of what I own because of this pettiness. I really just have the bare minimum at each house. Both my parents had banned me from giving or throwing anything else away so now I've just picked a closet in each house that things go into, and once they're in they don't come out. If my parents try and take them out I put them back.
It's made me happier. No more fights about which parent "stole" a thing when that thing is gone. I don't have to remember as much about what I can take from house to house and what has to stay at one house so I won't start a fight
But both my parents are resentful of me for my switch in attitude. My mom is mad that I don't do some of my hobbies anymore and my dad is mad that I gave away things that he paid for.
AITA for giving up as many possessions as I can? ###### | NTA. They were using the objects as a powerplay against each other. They were trying to make you pick a side with shiny objects. Good on you for rising above it. I hope you can slowly get some things back for the hobbies you care about. ###### |
English isn’t my first tongue so bear with me people
And yes there is a post in r/advice speaking about my problem
I (18 f) am a food photographer (very amateur one but working on it). My family uses me way too much for free gigs which i am trying to stop.
One day i was going to ask my mom something about ordering some gear and she just interpreted me and said “(my name) i am very proud of you that you volunteered to your aunt to do a photoshoot for her to be born son”
I didn’t volunteer but mom was sure her sister didn’t lie so i was kinda forced to do it as a really care for mom’s feelings.
Fast forward the day after he was bored i was called by my cousin asking when i will shoot the baby
I was half asleep and i told her i had an exam and an online lecture (true)
She told me they are expecting me to come and i was like ok whatever
Today i had some good sleep and went to their house at the afternoon to see the baby and attend a small religious celebration (not christian) and when i first arrived with my camera and a small soft box
My cousin snapped at me telling me i am not using that strong light on her bro (girl i know my business)
And i was like yeah sure
And then i was told by the family that they don’t want me doing the photoshoot as they already did it(i was actually happy when informed because babies aren’t my forte) but they were pissed telling me I didn’t keep my promise to them and so on so on
After the celebration i went home to study my other exam(pray for me) and got my equipments and left
Well they didn’t call me the AH but i knew they think about me like that and i am quite sure I wasn’t an AH but i want your opinion people ###### | NTA. They were trying to outright force you to do it. That's not ok and you totally have the right to refuse. Good luck on your exams! ###### |
I've previously made a post in regards to the situation with my neighbors but the short version is that they used to be my friends mutually with my wife but when my wife and I had issues and she left me temporarily they told her she should take me for everything I'm worth.
After finding out I decided to not have anything to do with them, well my child's birthday was this weekend and she really likes them so my wife asked me beforehand if it would be okay for them to come. I said it was fine but don't expect me to be all chit chatty with them and I would probably steer clear.
The day came and they never showed, I asked my wife how come they didn't come as I thought they were going to. She said that they know I hate them (I don't really hate them, I just don't want to associate with people who actively tried to harm me) that they noticed I won't even say hi to them anymore etc.
I feel bad that they missed out on the birthday party putting aside my feelings towards them. They however haven't made any attempts at reconciliation with me regardless and to my understanding don't even recognize why I dislike them.
So AITA for this situation? ###### | NTA. They were invited and choose not to come. Do they know that your wife told you they said to “take you for everything your worth?”. Regardless, I’m sure it puts both sides in an awkward spot.
Edit: Changed ex-wife to wife and update slightly. ###### |
I know this sounds bad. I feel bad about it but I don't think I should pay them more.
Here's why:
- I was never on the lease
- I didn't pay any bond
- I was sub renting
- I gave them 10 workdays notice, then paid for another 2,5 weeks to make it a month.
- I communicated everything with them that they need to find another person
- I made all the ads and pictures of the pace
- I made a letter to the landlord stating due to xyz I cannot be in this country anymore and if the rent could be lowered.
I was in this place for 3 months. All went fine but then hell broke loose. I had to get back home since my family needed me.
When my roommates (24 f & m) heard this, they pushed me to get on the lease.
Furthermore they were understanding, helping me by just talking and I made ads to find someone new. I had several people coming by the place but they didn't get my room since they wanted someone long term (year+) and between 20-30.
I had to catch a plane and put most of my stuff into storage.
They couldn't find anyone after 2 weeks and they asked me to transfer rent. I told them I need to pay for 2 places now so I'll only do 2 weeks for you guys to find someone new. They were grateful.
2 weeks later they explode and expect me to keep on paying since they haven't found someone new. It would be my responsibility and they are calling me names now saying they might have to move now etc.
I feel horrible for them but to be fair why would I pay for a place I haven't lived in for 3 weeks and I don't have any responsibility for?
One side I'm like maybe I should help them out even more. But I'm out of a job and stuff is bad in my hometown now too.
I need the money myself. ###### | NTA. They were given adequate time to get another roommate or find other options. Yes it sucks, but they need to be posting the place up or figuring it out for themselves as well, you’ve done what you can to help them. Even going above & beyond paying those two weeks you gave them extra not living there. ###### |
So my sister was due to get married before the coronavirus struck and closed everything down so her Hen do was planned before hand but I couldn’t go/afford to go due to uni commitments and lack of funds, which she was fine with and understood. Obviously it was cancelled and they’ve ended up rescheduling the wedding in a few months time (current time being 22/07/2020). This means that they’ve had to reschedule the hen do too. This is where an issue comes in. I was removed from the group chat when I said I couldn’t go and haven’t been told anything until a few days ago. They’ve planned the new hen do for the weekend before my birthday and are wanting to know if I can go. However, in this time my partner has been planning a surprise for my birthday for about a month now which so happens to be that weekend, it’s not like it is just another day it’s an important birthday (21st). I don’t tend to celebrate my birthdays because the effort has never been put in for them by anyone but my partner this year is determined to make it special for me. I’ve told my sister this and she’s started being rude and ignoring me being really snappy and just it’s super awkward to be around her now. I asked my friends if I’m being shitty here and they’ve all replied that I am and I can rearrange my plans for another time but that’s the only time I can as the week after I have to move back to uni. If I could rearrange I would, but whatever my surprise is it’s not refundable (I asked just in case). I just don’t understand why she was understanding then but not now?
So really Am I the Asshole for not going to my sisters hen do because I have birthday plans? ###### | NTA. They were fine with you not being able to attend before, why is it an issue now? You have prior plans/engagements. It’s rude to make people move things around they already had planned/set in motion just for a bachelorette party. It’s not like you’d be missing her wedding. Over dramatic if you ask me. ###### |
So the other night the girls parents were over at my house and I decided I would be somewhat of a nice person and make everyone a nice dinner even with the rocky past I have with them. (They don’t agree with me traveling for work a month at a time)
Well whenever I would leave the living room to check on things in the kitchen I could hear snarky comments just loud enough for me to hear but quiet enough so they could sound like they’re “trying” not to be heard. After about an hour of it my girlfriend told me what they were saying about me to her. I walked out of the kitchen and told them that they had to leave because I wasn’t going to be disrespected like that in my own home. My girl told me I could’ve handled it in a different way but I just couldn’t tolerate it in my own home aita? ###### | NTA. They were being jerks and you don't accept that in your house. Have you talked to them about their dislike for your travelling beforehand? ###### |
After I was born, my parents, who were drug addicts and have been arrested prior for petty crimes, we're seemed unfit parents and when I was an infant my grandparents were awarded full custody.
I'm sixteen years old and my grandparents are practically my whole world. They have told me many times that if I wanted to reconnect with my mother and father that it was my decision and that they'd support me 100%, but I never wanted to.
My Mother recently reconnected with my grandparents (I've refused to talk to her) and she said she wanted to have at least partial custody of me. She also threatened that if my grandparents didn't help her resolve the situation peacefully, she was going to take them to court, and that's what ended up happening. Fortunately, since it was found that she wasn't in the position to care for me, and since I didn't want to live with her (my birth father, apparently, died a few years ago) she didn't get any custody or visitation.
Right when we were leaving the courthouse, the last time I saw her, she told me I was selfish for not letting my grandparents live the rest of their lives son peace without having to care for an ungrateful grandson. It hurt and so I stormed off, but I've been thinking about it ever since- am I TA for not letting my grandparents enjoy their silver years? ###### | NTA. They WANTED you. Never forget that. If they didn't, they would not only have not raised you all those years, but they wouldn't have fought for you in court presently. ###### |
My mother was no saint. She had her demons like the rest of us but hers put up more of a fight. In her previous marriage she went through a bad drug addiction and did a lot of damage to her ex husband and their kids, Duncan (36M) and John (34M), who were still teenagers at the time.
Long story short she ran off with another addict (my father) and had me. Wasn't an easy childhood but soon enough my mother picked herself up again and started working on being better. When I was 9, she finally built up the strength to leave my and take me with her. We were broke and homeless so she went to ask Duncan and John for help. I remember her going on her knees asking Duncan to take us in and John throwing us out. Calling her a slut and an addict. That night we slept in the streets but still my mother tried another three times to reconcile and mend things but they never cared.
Last year my mother got a heart attack and almost died. She was diagnosed with CAD. I messaged my *brothers* about her condition. Their response? "We're not giving you any money. Stop contacting us". Well she died earlier this year from after a period of rapid heart attacks. I told myself fuck them and I buried my mother at an intimate gathering with her close friends and my wife.
Recently my wife had been asking me to send them a letter so they at least know she's no longer with us. So I did. Well now the both of them have completely lost their shit sending me dozens of messages about how fucked up I am from keeping their mother's death from them and sending threats about how they're going to take 'legal action' against me so I should be prepared. My wife says she wouldn't go as far as calling me an asshole but I probably should have told them sooner. So AITA? ###### | Nta. They told you to stop contact, and you did. That choice was theirs. They could have seen she had changed and made an attempt to have you both in their lives, even if she hurt them. Sorry for your loss. I'm glad you got to have some good memories with her. ###### |
I've just come home from spending a long weekend with my family for the first time since the pandemic. I usually go see them once a month but for obvious reasons I haven't been there since Feb.
Now, for some back story. I come from a single parent household. It's always been my mum, my sister(20f) and I(24f).
Ever since I can remember, I've always been the fat sister. My younger sister has always been beautiful and fit and I have always been compared to her.
A while back I went into a bit of a rough time with depression and I gained a lot of weight. Since the lockdown started I have been dieting and exercising, I have been really happy and have set myself a goal to be on my healthy weight by August next year, everything is going according to plan, I have told my family this but they still insist on making me feel like "the fat one" even though there are so many other aspects of me as a person, I feel like I will never be anything more than "the fat one" I came home and my mum (who is very religious) started sending me bible quotes and telling me that I clearly don't love myself, and that I'm going to die of a heart attack soon.
While my sister spent the whole weekend shaming me for every single bite I took.
After my mum's messages I told her that I loved her but I was going to take a step back from them as I felt like the whole dynamic is turning very toxic and I can feel myself slipping back into that depressed person that I worked so hard to put behind. So I left the family group chat and now everyone is angry at me. They say they are only looking out for me but I can't help but think that's just not the case. AITA? ###### | NTA. They sound like toxic people. You should be able to separate yourself from them as much as you need to. Props to you for living a healthier lifestyle! ###### |
This happened a long time ago - when I was about 14 and on a family holiday to a holiday park kind of place (Center Parcs for anyone in Europe). When I was a young teenager, I was kinda chubby and didn’t get much attention from boys like some of my friends did.
So anyway, one Valentine’s Day, my family wrote a fake card from a ‘secret admirer’ guy asking me to meet him at a the central place (where all the bars and restaurants etc are). Straight away I thought it was BS and laughed it off saying yeah whatever. Well over the course of the day, my whole family (mum, stepdad and sister) basically convinced me it was real, promising they didn’t send it and just genuinely trying to convince me to go to the place we were supposed to meet. Eventually, I thought I’d just go when my younger sister said she’d come with me and we’d just hang out in the area. I wasn’t completely convinced but was convinced enough to go.
Sure enough, we get to the place, hang out for a bit and no one shows. All of a sudden, my mum and stepdad show up and they all start laughing saying it was a prank. I tried to laugh along but obviously I was completely humiliated. I think the worst part is that they still occasionally bring it up and laugh about it. Recently, I told them I thought it was a horrible thing to do and I actually don’t find it funny at all. They all make out I’m being being an asshole and can’t take a joke or that I’m too sensitive.
So, AITA in the sense that I should just get over it? ###### | NTA. They sound like horrible people. ###### |
I typed this on my phone, so sorry if I make any mistakes lol.
I do a lot of freelance work through instagram, work that consists of editing photos and videos. I am entering my junior year in high school, so this is how I make my own money. I do get a lot of clients, and I have frequent clients who come back constantly.
I had this one client who started up their youtube channel. I designed their logo, banner, and I edit all of their videos and make all of their thumbnails. I worked with them for almost a year and got paid about 500 dollars or so. Back in March, they asked for me to edit some videos of theirs (they record a couple in advance and upload them as soon as they receive the final version), but the problem was that because of COVID, they didn't have their paycheck yet and they were asking if they could pay later. I usually never do this but I said okay, since I have been working with them for a while now. Then in March, the same problem happened. Me being stupid said sure. In the end I edited about 12 videos, and made 12 thumbnails. I woke up the next day and they blocked me. They stole my work and uploaded it and they didn't pay me.
I was livid. I used to do free work and I stopped because the feeling of not being compensated for hard work is just horrible. One time, their internet was down so they asked me to upload this video I had edited. They gave me their Gmail email and their password that time. So, I turned on my computer and I logged in. They didn't have a 2FA setup, so I linked my phone number and I changed the password. I hid their youtube account (so it's not completely gone), and I sent them fifty cents through CashApp and told them if they didn't pay me what I deserved I would delete it.
Fast forward a few days, I get a notification from my CashApp, that I got paid, and they unblocked me from Instagram, and dm'd me. I disabled 2FA, unhid their youtube channel, and gave them their account back. I blocked them right after. AITA? ###### | NTA. They sound like cheats and thieves, and you did the right thing to get your money without causing further harm to anyone. ###### |
Pretty much every time I go out I see numerous people wearing masks incorrectly in ways that make the masks completely useless. Most commonly having the mask only covering their mouth and not their nose. This seems like common sense, you breathe through your nose so the mask needs to also cover your nose.
The worst is when its food places, a local ice cream place, the coffee shop, fast food, etc.
WIBTA for reporting these employees? ###### | NTA. They shouldn't be wearing their masks incorrectly during a pandemic and people should know. ###### |
My sister and I are twins and both got $100 for Christmas and get $100 for our birthdays, and that is the only money we get without working. I worked part time at a local deli and my sister worked on and off at a movie theater. My parents then bought my sister a prom dress for $300, after telling me to get a pc I would have to use my own money. She didn’t do anything to get it, it’s not like she got straight As or made a sports team.
They said they would return it afterwards, but she’s getting to keep it and not have to pay because they don’t want to due to corona virus. But I still have to work for the pc, which I can’t even do because of corona, even though I was essential. They made me quit.
I said it was unfair that she got $300 for no reason and my parents said that prom is special for girls and that because she missed it’s only fair she keeps the dress. I would have gone as well, I have a girlfriend. I brought it up again today and they told me to stop being rude about it(I was polite). My sister then rubbed it in my face.
Am I going nuts? This isn’t fair right? AITA? ###### | NTA. They not only did they drop $300 on one kid and not the other based on a sexist assumption, but they also made you quit your job, thus losing you your only source of income. They are horrible people. ###### |
So Let me start off by saying that I am in the 8th grade and my sister is in the 11th
Since online class has started I have been struggling with the work load, combined with other tutoring lessons I usually have to work into the weekend which does not please my parents at all, which I understand because then I can’t do other stuff like hiking or doing walks with them.
It was all fine until they sat me down one afternoon to tell me that I was not meeting my expectations that they have set for me and that I should be working harder like my sister. Who has her work done in the first 3 days of getting the assignment. They carried on repeating themselves about how I should be more like my sister and all that.
This occurred about 1 month ago and since then they have been constantly telling me to work harder like my sister. Until I finally just snapped yesterday, I started to break down with tears forming in my eyes and I started saying
“ Stop fucking comparing me to my sister, please!”.
I know I probably went overboard for that but it was all the emotion that I had built up over this time and I know I probably am the ass hole , but I just want more opinions on this.
Currently I have still not had another long interaction since yesterday but I hope we can settle since soon.
Also sorry I know formatting is bad, sorry for that I’m on phone. Also I know it’s not as good as the others on here but I just needed to talk,
Thank you for reading. ###### | NTA. They need to realize that what they are doing is more harmful than good. Don’t be discouraged because many people have a hard time with online studying. You will make it through this 😄 ###### |
Ok, this is a weird one.
I've been having major cabin fever recently, working from home and generally being stuck at home, especially when the weather has been warming up.
Getting outside helps a lot but I've mainly stayed in my own yard. I have a hammock up between two trees and I've slept in there at night under the stars. It's nice, it's peaceful, and it makes me feel a lot less like a rat in a cage nowadays.
I know it's weird but I enjoy it. It is peaceful and helps me destress after work.
But my neighbors are bothered by it, they said it is weird, they don't want someone sleeping outdoors near where their kids play. They don't like me being out there so much because their family has less privacy, and it would be better if I stayed in the house at night.
I said I don't pay them any attention, I am just doing something relaxing to stay sane because my work and other things have made me stressed.
AITA for wanting to keep sleeping outdoors? ###### | NTA. They need to get over themselves. You're in your own backyard, and while it may be uncommon behavior, you're not doing anything wrong. If they want more privacy, they can put up a fence, plant trees, close their blinds/curtains, whatever. It's on them.
ETA: My response is based on the assumption that you have your own backyard that's separate from your neighbors' property. ###### |
Hello,
So I run a shop with a big window in a very busy street. For the last month, a dog has been pooping around the area of my shop, and the owners do not pick up after it. I've had my suspicions about who it was, and got visual confirmation last week.
The day after I got visual confirmation, I caught them again in the act, and snapped a picture of them. I then confronted them about it, and they basically told me to mind my own business.
So I got their picture blown up and printed with the title THESE PEOPLE DON'T PICK UP THEIR DOG'S POOP, IF YOU'VE WALKED IN POOP THEY ARE TO THANK, and stuck the poster in the window of my shop.
I've been having a lot of amused comments by my customers, but the people in the picture have gone insane, and have come by the shop many times to scream at me. I told them untill they change their attitude the poster is staying up.
Regarding the law, I'm not too sure what side I'm on, but not picking up their dog's poop is def illegal and can carry a hefty fine where I live (France), so I dobt they'll pursue legal action.
Some of my friends have said i'm an AH for publicaly shaming them. The way I see it they brought this upon themselves.
So reddit, AITA ? ###### | NTA. They let their dog shit IN PUBLIC and didn't pick it up. Why would they expect to be shamed in private for that.
Also, hilarious move on your part. 👏👏👏 ###### |
So in the UK the minimum hourly wage is based on age. For an 18-21 year old, me, it’s £6.45 however for a 25+ it’s around £8.50.
Because of this low wage and working 30 hours (26.5 with breaks) a week at a crappy minimum wage retail job I only make about £170 a week. £680 a month. £8,160 a year. That doesn’t take into account being sent home early, unpaid sick days ect ect. So I’m about £4,000 short annually to pay taxes.
Two weeks ago my boss was complaining that taxes were going to be going up because the government is paying out furloughs. She asked me what I thought about paying more tax next year and I said:
“I don’t earn enough to pay taxes, so it won’t really be my problem.”
She stood there confused and said:
“Oh but you’ll be paying taxes some day.”
So I quickly replied with:
“If I keep this job and the same hours I won’t be paying taxes for the next 7 years because I earn that little at this job. I’m not complaining about not paying taxes but it just shows how little this job pays me.
My boss stood there god smacked, gritting her teeth at me, and didn’t know what to say.
A week later, last Saturday, I got called into the managers office where I was confronted by my manager, the assistant manager and the operations director of the company. To which I was verbally ganged up on by the three of them. All because I offended my manager by complaining about how little I get paid and that I should be great full to even have a job in the first place. I just sat there and took it for half an hour.
Eventually I got fed up of this and walked out of the shop and my shift.
So AITA here? I know I talked back to my manager ###### | NTA. They know they pay you very little, and while they probably don't like being confronted the way they reacted to that is really over the top. You made a fair point, while maybe not the most diplomatically brought point :) ###### |
So some backstory. I have non epileptic seizures that were pretty bad for a while. At that time, we also didn’t know they weren’t epileptic. I was in and out of hospital, in ICUs and medically induced comas, and couldn’t work. It also wrecked my mental health for a while. At the same time, my brother has been living rent free with my parents and is seen as the golden son, despite a long history of theft, violence, and manipulation.
My family had a pretty serious issue with it. They wouldn’t visit while I was in hospital and refused my wife any help when she asked. Last year around easter, I got an email (while in hospital) that I wasn’t welcome home because my illness was disruptive and my mental health “shenanigans” were not welcome. I was deeply hurt. This was the last straw after a year of limited support and while we’ve worked on things since, they’re still very snippy or dismissive if I mention how my health is improving and the progress I’ve been making.
On one hand, I get it. I was probably a little whiny. We thought I was dying or would need brain surgery. We were scared and needed some support and maybe went about asking for it the wrong way. During this time, my mom also had knee surgery (we didn’t ask for help while she recovered). But it still really feels wrong that a family who insist “family above all” couldn’t even make an effort to see me in hospital or allow me to see them and my niece when doing well enough to travel.
Next month, I’m moving with my wife to be with her family in Hawaii. I’ll be five thousand miles away and I’m planning to significantly reduce contact with my family when I move. Am I the asshole for planning this? Should I be giving them another chance? Or am I in the right to cut them out? ###### | NTA. They have you so convinced that you were a burden that you say you understand them resenting you for having seizures. That is awful. You deserve for people who love you to support you and help take care of you. They also clearly think you were faking it, which is gross.
I think you’d be justified in going very low contact and if they ask why, have an email waiting in drafts that you wrote while calm about their lack of support and love when you needed it most.
I sincerely hope your wife’s family is better to you guys and that you are able to start a happy new healthy life. ###### |
I’m a senior in HS. In December one of my classmates got into a bad car accident that did a lot of damage. She had several surgeries, and is in need of more for her face. Her insurance won’t cover it, hence the GoFundMe.
I was never friendly with this girl. She spread nasty rumors about a friend of mine, and I always had a tainted view of her. Outside of that incident I never talked to her, and didn’t know she knew that I existed.
So my classmates are sending around a GoFundMe and a link to T-shirts for sale and I see that my artwork has been used!
My artwork has nothing to do with her cause, it was a Picasso style self portrait that was an assignment for class. I posted it to twitter. They were using it on T-shirts and in promotions without my permission.
I got into contact with the girl and her friend who is running everything and asked them to take my artwork off of their GoFundMe. At first they said that they didn’t know it was mine, and would credit me (they cropped my siggy our though...) I told them that I didn’t want it credited and preferred it to be taken down.
The told me they already had T-shirts, people recognized it for her GoFundMe. I honestly didn’t care. Then they started guilt tripping me about it, and I told them I would go through other means to get it taken down.
Then the girl posts screenshots of our DMs on her twitter, directing people at me, and telling them how heartless I am. I am getting tons of hate messages, and people telling me to just “let her use my shorty artwork.” I can’t even open up any social media without fear of getting shitty messages from my classmates.
I talked to my mom about it and she thinks I should have just kept quiet about it as it’s hard not to look like an asshole for refusing to let her use the image. I’m feeling pretty confused, because I think I have the right to say where my artwork goes. AITA for not letting her use my art? ###### | NTA. They even cropped out your signature! ###### |
Here's the situation. I've been living in this shared apartment with 2 other poeple for 3 years now. The other two havent always been the same two people but keep constantly changing like every 6-12 months. So I'm not really building a relationship with them here. And for 3 years I've been living there I've bought/brought almost every necessity there can be and I never charged any of the others for it. Practically 95% of the kitchen tools and whatnot is from me. Be it pans, pots, knives, mixers, even a freezer, its all mine. And I plan on taking everything with me when I move in with my gf sometime soon, like in 1-2 years. I paid for it, so why shouldn't I take it? I'm definitely planning on doing so but 10% of me still feels kind of bad to let the other 2 people, whoever they may be until then, sit there with just one shitty ass old pot and no kitchen machines (toaster, mixer, microwave). ###### | NTA. They can buy their own stuff. You’re very nice to think of your roommates (whom you barely have a relationship with), but you shouldn’t have to re-buy everything.
Also, if you’re not planning to move in with your gf for like 2 years, that’s a ways a way, and I think you’re putting the cart before the horse to even be worrying about this right now since it sounds like you’ll have different roommates by then anyways. ###### |
My brother and his wife are having a hard time with paying their rent right now, so they asked if they can stay with us for awhile.
After talking it over with my husband we agreed that they could move into our RV and we could hook up the water and electricity from our house. It’s not a huge RV, but it’s got one full size bed and two twin size beds that their kids can sleep on.
My sil is very insulted by the idea of living out in our driveway when we have “plenty” of space inside. My brother was also upset because family would let family stay with them. He also doesn’t like that he would be the one responsible for taking the RV to the nearby rest stop area to drain the black tank.
They both said they would much rather prefer to stay in our living room or that we could put our kids and one of their sons in our sons room and they can share our daughters room with their younger son. Or maybe have some of the kids camp out in the living room.
None of those options appeal to us. With everything how it is and us all being stuck at home my husband, our kids, and I have gotten on each other’s nerves more than a few times. We feel like taking away our kids private spaces would be really disastrous.
As for the living room my husband and I are both working from home, so we need our own separate areas to focus. My husbands job works with other branches in other countries so he’s often working really late at night or really early in the morning in the living room. So having people sleeping in there wouldn’t work out well.
If they were just staying for a few days we probably could make due with them staying in the living room, but they will likely need to stay with us for weeks, if not months. ###### | NTA. They asked for a huge favor and then tried to dictate the terms of it and push back your boundaries. That’s a red flag and suggests their entire tenure in your driveway would be spent with them finding ways to be in your house, in your way and in your wallet. If they don’t like the terms of your offer they’re free to take another one. ###### |
Sister: sis
Brothers-in-law: bil
Me
I am renting a room in their home and am paying the agreed amount of rent on time. Some info about my sis and bil. They recently had a baby and have another on the way. They are in financial problems because they are constantly updating the house. New flooring, new granite counters, added an addition, etc. additionally, they owe a ton of money to their credit card companies because they are huge spenders.
Now they need more money and are pressuring me to pay them more than the agreed amount. They can barely pay their mortgage and sometimes pay it late. Also they have been eating my food, using my supplies (toilet paper, soap,etc), I help with my niece and cleaning.
on top of everything I have been watching my niece for free for hours. We are all in the medical field. So 12 hour shifts, 3-5 days a week depending on the OT available. So when I watch my niece, I am watching her for 12+ hours, 3 days a week. I haven’t mentioned payment becuase we are family.
But now we are regularly fighting due to Covid workload stress and me being upset about my prepped food being taken. I’m trying to be supportive becuase they are my family but I feel unsafe whenever they threaten to evict me. I don’t have a back up plan right now.
So we are all stressed out for various reasons. AITA for fighting with them at all? Should I be more supportive during this unprecedented time? I feel like I am being taken advantage of here. ###### | NTA. They are seriously taking advantage of you here. It sounds like they need your rent check pretty badly, and they need your help around the house and babysitting even more. You are doing way more than is fair to ask of you and they are definitely AHs in return. These times are hard for everyone including you, do not feel the need to take on more than you already are. You sister and BIL should think you are a saint for all that you already do and put up with. ###### |
My mom sent me a video on Facebook known as the "plandemic" video. Basically this video has unproven claims about Dr. Anthony Fauci and the handling of the Covid-19 pandemic. I went to the YouTube channel and saw many other "conspiracy" videos such as how 5G can cause cancer. I decided to report the YouTube channel for being misleading and it got taken down today. At Mother's Day dinner (of all times and places), I brought up how the channel got shut down. She says that I was disrespectful for reporting the channel and that I am essentially her censor. I, however, don't find anything wrong with my actions as these conspiracy theories can be really harmful. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. These YouTube videos were spreading false information that people might use to do dangerous things. You reported it, YouTube agreed, it got taken down. ###### |
Before I tell you the story I will say I don't have an issue with people believing what they want. With that said, on with the story.
Before the lockdown I was sitting on my SIL's doorstep talking and a van pulled into our shared driveway (Rural community). A woman got out with a little girl (about 4 or 5). The woman asked if we had thought about what happens after we die. I immediately said, "Thank you but neither of us is interested in converting." I would never speak for my sister in law normally but I knew her thinking on religion and that she has even less filter than I do, so figured since I am the more diplomatic, I should respond. The woman said ok but then asked if her daughter could read us a verse out of the bible. I had just told her we weren't interested and now I'm irritated but when it comes to kids I have a real soft spot and hate to disappoint them or hurt their feelings if I can avoid it. I looked at my SIL and she just nodded. I said alright and the little girl read the verse (can't remember for the life of me) and thanked her then asked the woman to send her daughter back to the van. Once the little girl got into the van, I looked at the woman and berated her for using her little girl like that and how dare she not accept a no from us after we politely declined. I also told her to never show her face on my property again and to get out (I never swore or threatened her in any way). I then went to the nearest Kingdom hall and told them about it and told them I wanted my address put on the no contact list and that I would tell the next JW that shows up to go away in less than polite wording.
AITA for reacting like that. ###### | NTA. Theres nothing wrong with people asking you if you are interested in hearing about their faith, but this woman refused to take your polite no for an answer and tried to use her daughter to get you to listen, which is not okay. Since she was on your SIL property I think It's your right to tell her off for that. It was good/nice of you to make sure the daughter was back in the van first so she wouldn't hear what you had to say to the mother. Let's hope they won't bother you again, or if they do that a polite no tells them off. ###### |
Sorry if the title makes no sense, but I’ll do my best to explain it.
So basically, my friends dad always comments on things in my life but makes it like things only happen to me because I’m gay. Here’s an example: I’m studying law, her dad said that I’m studying law because “gay people like fucking bad boys” - meaning I only want to be a lawyer so I can have sex with clients. I currently have a cold sore, he said it's because I'm always sucking dick. If he finds out I'm reading a book, he'll tell her that it's "probably a gay porno mag". It's stupid stuff like that.
But it really annoys me. At first, it didn't, but then it didn't stop. I also don't know why my friend tells him this stuff - like me reading a book isn't something worth telling your family about. She's told me that "he's not homophobic, he just doesn't like seeing it." (I know that's an assholish thing to say, that's not what I want to know).
In retaliation, I've ended up saying stuff back like "your dad is just sad that I didn't represent him when he was in trouble with the law," "I got the cold sore from him, he should probably get an STI check," or like "I thought I recognised your dad on the cover of the magazine?". He doesn't find it funny, and he calls me a dick head, or a "poof". My friend also knows I don't like people commenting on my sexuality, or people talking about me when I'm not there.
AITA for flipping his comments to make him sound gay too? ###### | NTA. Theres no such thing as "not being homophobic but not liking seeing it AND harassing someone for it." He got what we deserved. HE'S the one with the problem. If he doesn't like those jokes towards him, he shouldn't have made them.
Stay strong! ###### |
This is a weird one, sorry in advance. This was 5 months ago and it’s still a fight my bf and I are having. Clearly since pregnancy and miscarriages aren’t easy topic for people to talk about, I’ve come here.
I (27F) was about 6 weeks pregnant when I started bleeding really heavily randomly. To cut a long story short - I was miscarrying. Didn’t know I was pregnant, wasn’t upset about it. It was really whatever. I have no intention of children, I guess the shot failed me.
They sent me home from the hospital after a mental health check to make sure I was okay. Like I said, wasn’t upset about it, didn’t bother me much besides the physical pain obviously. They gave me the pill that helps to move the process along faster at home instead of waiting. When I was at home and sitting on the toilet, I felt it like fall out. So I just kind of look at for awhile and said “I didn’t think I would be able to see it!” (it was in the sac I think?) My boyfriend then said “stop being so fucking weird about this.” He then accused me of wanting to KEEP IT. When I said “it’s just curiosity, this is new to me too.” He stormed off and said he doesn’t want to be with someone who could be so heartless as not to care about this and treat “him” like a science project.
I asked him if he wanted to be pregnant or have kids and he said no but I should “respect” his kid more than that. I told him it’s happening to me and we just feel different about it. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive, I said sorry at the time but he hasn’t let it go.
Was I the asshole? It was something that was just happening to me and I was curious about it. He’s never hinted he’s wanted to kids or pro life of anything so this attitude is new to me. ###### | NTA. there’s no playbook on how you’re supposed to react to a miscarriage it’s a deeply personal experience. Your boyfriend is being immature and weirdly possessive. It just kind of creeped me out how he said you should have more respect for “his kid” like it wasn’t also a part of you. ###### |
I have a non identical twin brother named Justin. I'm under no illusion that he's the better looking between us. He's a great guy if not a bit philandering.
Since we were bored yesterday, we video called my friend Jay and his wife and we just caught up with each other over a couple glasses of wine. We eventually got to playing this game where someone asks a question and we all answer. I asked everyone who their cheat pass (someone you would cheat with if allowed) is and everyone gave celebrities crushes as expected, except my loving wife. She first asked about specifics. Whether it was just a one time thing, the whole night or a fling. We all agreed on whole night and then she blurted "Then Justin! Omg we'd fuck all night long". We all broke into laughter because we thought she was talking about Justin Bieber.
Jay then made a comment about Timberlake being better than Bieber and my wife clarified that she actually meant my brother. Like wtf? Obviously things got awkward so they ended the call and we got into a fight over it. She said I shouldn't be angry because I was the one who asked her and now I'm judging her truthful answer. I spent the night in the guest room and even this morning she was completely unapologetic and said I should be the one apologizing for being an ass last night and "judging her truth". Aita? ###### | NTA. There’s an unspoken rule that you name a celebrity, or some other person you’d definitely never actually be able to do it with, not *a relative of someone else who is there and definitely not your brother in law*. ###### |
Over the past two years I’ve brought up wanting to meet my (35f) boyfriend’s (32m) best friend a couple times (“I want to meet so-and-so”, and “so when am I going to meet so-and-so?”) and the responses were, respectively, nothing, and “whenever”. Since then I’ve fought about it with him twice and the latest one he told me I’m making a big deal out of nothing, and suggested meeting his friend would “mean something about our relationship,” which, in the end, is true.
I feel like I’m not good enough to meet his friend, that he’s embarrassed of me or maybe he’s embarrassed of his friend (?), that he’s hiding that part of his personality, that he’s ashamed of me, that I’m not good enough, and so on. Maybe he thinks I’ll embarrass him with my being a total idiot? On and on, this is just a slice of the thoughts I have about it.
My bf is very private and likes a lot of space and distance. He doesn’t like talking about himself. The only people in his life who even know I exist are his mom and her husband, and not because we were intentionally introduced. (Met them on our one year anni)
Am I overreacting? Is this not really a big deal at all? I know my feelings are valid, but not sure my perspective is... TIA ###### | NTA. There's very few instances where this would be acceptable conduct. This isn't one of them. I'd stay away from anyone that requires that excessive amount of space after 2 years of a relationship. Emotionally distant people aren't for everyone. ###### |
I (24M) still live at home, I'm aiming to move out within the next two years.
My sister (18F) usually lives with my dad but has been spending more time with us, shes been with her boyfriend for 3 years, I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2.
My mother is obsessed with the idea of having a grandchild, she wont stop talking about it with me and my girlfriend but we dont want children.
So, she turned the "joke" onto my sister.
She brings it up every chance she can.
We were eating dinner last night when my mother once again said "so when are you giving me a grandson *sisters name*?"
This wouldn't be a problem if she wasnt sending my sisters childrens names and if she was joking, she tries to pass it off as a joke but we can tell shes being serious.
My sister genuinely feels pressured, she doesnt have a backbone though so wont complain.
I snapped at my mother and told her to back tf off, she isnt getting a grandchild from either of us anytime soon and maybe she should focus on parenting her son (10) instead of this BS.
She didnt react but later on we heard her crying about it to our dad.
My father texted me and my sister telling us if we cant take a joke and will be disrespectful we both know where the door is and can leave at anytime, and that we are assholes for being oversesnsitve and that I could've let my sister deal with it (she really doesnt like arguments)
AITA? ###### | NTA. There's nothing funny about pressuring someone to have a child, especially an 18 yo. ###### |
So I (25m) and my fiance (29f) are renting the house we live in from my mom (51f) with no written rental agreement. My mom wants us to assume the mortgage from her and we live here for the next 17 years until the mortgage is paid off.
The problem is that fiance and I both have to travel an hour or more to work and mom is using the house as her personal storage unit. Also the house needs a lot of work done to it because whoever added the additions to the house did a terrible job. We don't want to live in the house because we don't have room for our stuff and it is causing our relationship to have unnecessary arguments.
We want to live closer to work especially since I have to be to work at 5am. Whenever we say anything to mom about moving she replies "you won't ever find a better deal than what I'm offering, assuming the mortgage is your best option to own your own house." The last time I mentioned moving she said "how can I afford my camper if you move?"
So reddit WIBTA if fiance and I move? ###### | NTA. There's no written agreement and you are not responsible for your mother's camper. ###### |
My roommates (21-22F) and I (21F) were tanning in our backyard when my neighbor (N) peeked over our fence to ask about the beehive he found near our garage. Right then, beekeepers (B1/B2) showed up and asked to use our driveway so I left to move my car.
N and B1 then started making sexual comments about my roommate (R) saying they’re only here to "look at the view" and that her bathing suit was "too skimpy". When I came back, my roommates told me what happened and how both men scoffed when R called them out.
My roommates begged me to not say anything but I was pissed. I told the men "The comments you made were not okay. You made a group of young women feel so uncomfortable they no longer feel safe in their own backyard. I don't care if you *think* you did nothing wrong, at the end of the day you made comments towards a 21 year old girl that made her feel unsafe. You would be pissed if some stranger did this to your daughter so learn from your mistakes and don't do it again."
N and B1 tried to apologize but they said “sorry if my words were misconstrued” and I kinda lost my shit. I said "I won’t accept an apology in which you take NO responsibility for your actions. You know what you said and you know it's wrong. I don't care you're from a different generation, you know making sexual comments towards a 21 year old is gross. Think about your behavior, understand why it was wrong, and never do it again."
I'm concerned I took it too far by denying their apologies. My dad said I should have let it go sooner and not pushed the issue. AITA? ###### | NTA. There was no apology to accept because there was no apology given. ###### |
A few days ago, my (16F) mom (50) told me that she recorded me singing in the shower from outside the door. Later, one of her friends was over and asked me if I would sing. My mom said that she showed him the video. I didn't say much then, but today, I brought it up and told her she shouldn't record me without my permission or send it to other people.
She almost immediately started screaming at me, saying she never said anything about showing someone else, and that she recorded it for herself because I never sing for her when she asks. It seems like a pretty big deal to her. I get the feeling now she's going to be mad at me for the next few weeks. AITA? ###### | NTA. There something in the air? Lots of moms absolutely losing their shit at their kids for absolute jack lately. ###### |
So ever since the protests started my brother (19) has been making racist comments to my family about it. I'm (21) a criminal justice major and have learned a lot about systemic racism so I've been trying to help my family understand what's happening and why. I warned my brother to never say any of the stuff that he says around us to anyone else, but he didn't listen.
Sure enough my brother was "exposed" on a girl's Instagram story with screenshots of him saying racist things in a chat with his friends. Since the girl that posted the screenshots was in my grade my family asked me to talk to her and get her to take it down since it may "ruin my brothers college acceptance." I told my family no and that he needs to be publicly ridiculed since nothing that I've said was going to get through to him.
Then the post spread and now practically everyone has seen the message and has been messaging me about it saying things like "wow I can't believe your brother is so racist" and "wow how can you let him say things like this." In response I posted something saying how I do not condone his actions and am deeply disappointed.
Now my brother says that I am "dead to him" and my family won't talk to me because I didn't back my brother and "betrayed the family." I've asked my brother to sit and talk with me about it but he's refusing to and saying that I've done too much damage and that he doesn't want to speak to me again.
My mom keeps telling me that I need to apologize to him in order to make the family "begin to heal" but I don't feel as though I'm in the wrong.
Should I apologize? Am I the asshole here? ###### | NTA. There should never be any sympathy for racists; especially for one who refuses to get educated on the issue ###### |
So...like, in my mind I don't think I'm an asshole but my family is treating me like I have disowned my father for this so here goes:
Around 2017, I cut all of my hair off. All of it. I stopped getting relaxers and let my hair go natural because I really wanted to try it, and I LOVE it. I have kept my hair short and proper since, and I feel a lot more freer with my hair in it's natural, healthy state.
My father, on the other hand, HATES it. Like, despises it. Everytime he has seen me, for like the past year or so, he has to comment on my hair. I've always been nice about it, laughed off his jokes about it, and kind of shrugged them off, but I'm going to be honest, it's started to piss me off.
Today, I walked into the room where he was, and the first thing he says to me is: "When are you going to let your hair grow out and get a relaxer?" Y'all, I'm on my period and I'm cramping so I just let him have it. I told him that I have agency over my own body and that I like the style so I'm not changing it. He looked at me and laughed, then mocked me like a three year old. He was like "You don't have to be rude," and I'm like, "I'm not being rude, I just don't like you talking about my body and my hair choices. I don't tell you what to do with your hair." He looked over at my mom and was like "Why is she so rude?" and she told me that "I wasn't being nice" and I just...I don't know what to think? He says things about my weight and stuff sometimes too and I very rarely say anything to him but the one time I defend myself...I'm the asshole?
Am I really the asshole or am I just...being a bitch about it? ###### | NTA. There is only so much badgering a person can take. Sorry he's being such a jerk. It sounds like you were firm and clear and probably pretty annoyed, but you stuck to stating that you found his behavior unacceptable and didn't attack him personally. That's completely reasonable and not rude, especially as a response to extremely rude behavior on his part.
I think the only other thing you can do now is just give him nothing to argue with. I'd just stick to "I've explained that I'm not going to discuss this" and leave the room / end the conversation / stop talking to him. ###### |
I'm in a dilemma because I don't know if I'm acting like a bitch or if it's best to just keep my distance. I have a cousin that I was very close to growing up but is now, to plainly state the truth, nothing more than white trash.
She has never left her parents house but has continued to produce children for her mom to care for. She's my age and doesn't have a tooth left in her fucking head. She's been arrested numerous times for theft and drug offenses, including meth as well as pain pills. She's no longer welcome in my home because she steals every goddamn thing she can lay her hands on.
Every time I try to help her I'm taken advantage of. As in like, stealing from me, borrowing money and not paying it back, or bumming rides from me, which I started refusing because what if I get pulled over and she has drugs in her possession, in my car? And furthermore, I don't really care to be seen in public with and associated with such a person.
I don't know if I'm being a snotty bitch riding her high horse and looking down on her and others like her or if I'm justified in wanting nothing more to do with her. I try not to judge people but she did it to herself. I'm tired of being stolen from and used. ###### | NTA. There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself and your immediate family from such a person. You also do not have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. She doesn't want help yet, so anything done at this point outside if getting her to rehab is enabling her poor decisions and it is ok to choose to not support her lifestyle.
People rarely tell you that the "tough" part of tough love is not only on the person who needs the kick in the pants, but also on the one doing the kicking. They often get a lot of flack, especially because of faaaaaaaaaamily. ###### |
Okay so I am a behavioral therapist for autistic kids. And with COVID and everything going on, sessions have been moved around but haven’t stopped. I have this one kid who we will call John. John is 8 years old and very aggressive. My job with John is to help him understand simple things better like time, patience, social cues, etc. This kid had promise when I started, which was about a month before the pandemic. But as the pandemic continue, his behavior has gotten worse. Session is about 3 1/2 hours. The moment I knock on the door I can hear “I DONT WANT TO DO SESSION!” Now, why doesn’t he want to do session? Because he wants to play roblox and fortnite. That’s all he wants to do. Watch YouTube videos about those games and to play them. It takes about 30-45 minutes to get him to calm down because he doesn’t want therapy. He wants to play roblox and fortnite on his xbox. And when we take it away, he will call his mom a bitch.
Now his poor mother, I feel so bad for her. She just wants what’s best for her kid but all he does is abuse her. She tells me that it’s okay because he doesn’t understand but I can see it’s slowly killing her. She doesn’t sleep at all because every 30 minutes or so, the kid will wake her up in the middle of the night for whatever reasons.
Going through this with the kid every single session has started to get to me. I try my absolute best with all my kids, even my non verbals. I want to help them and make sure they are learning, but this kid. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m still doing therapy with him and I will still do what I normally do and try to help him but deep deep down I have given up on him. I feel guilty for feeling like this. So Reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA. There is nothing wrong with admitting you can't help someone as a therapist, it doesn't matter that it is a child on the spectrum in this case. If you aren't able to help, the best thing you can do is admit it and help the mother find another therapist who can. You've done your best, it hasn't worked, time to let another therapist try. ###### |
AITA for refusing to go to my sisters wedding?
This happened almost a year ago, but I’m still getting shit for it, so I guess I’ll share here and see where my judgement lies.
So my sister (s) got married to (A), the man who did bad things to me me. We didn’t press charges because he wore protection so there was no
semen for evidence, so the case was somewhat useless already, and we could afford a lawyer. She knew about this before she dated him. She was the first person I went to. Anyway, they ended up dating and got engaged. S asked me to be her maid of honor, but I told her that there is no way I would go to her wedding, and can’t believe she would marry such a horrible man. We both shed a lot of tears that day, but S still insisted she loved A and that he’d changed.
I ended up not going and severing ties with S. Recently, S had a baby and my parents have been giving me hell for my decision, and refusing to meet my nephew or be in any of their lives. AITA? ###### | NTA. There is no situation in which anyone should force you to treat your abuser as family. Sorry you had to go through that! *hug* ###### |
My husband and I are new homeowners and moved into our first home a little less than a year ago.
We’ve had a rocky relationship with one of our neighbors from the start, an older couple— the husband is pretty chill and kind to us but the wife has been confrontational and made sure when we moved in that we knew exactly where our property ends and theirs begins. We’re in a city and our lots are about 2000 sqft each so we’re talking a matter of inches that she does not want us crossing. When we moved in, other neighbors on the street welcomed us and also warned us about her attitude and nastiness. Basically the point being that honestly I am intimidated by my neighbors and do not want to confront them directly.
They have a fire pit in their backyard that is roughly 20 feet from our house. The weather has been getting nicer so they have been using it for recreational use— just to have a fire going while sitting outside and chatting. Naturally being so close, the smoke comes right into our home so we can’t open windows and we can’t be outside in our own yard without being covered in smoke. It has even set off the smoke detectors in our house if any window is opened a crack.
I checked our local laws and any fire pits require a permit and must be 75 ft away from any structure (which is impossible considering the size of our houses and our small yards), and can only be operated from January to May 1st.
I called the fire department yesterday (anonymously) and within 5 minutes they were there and it was put out. I plan to call the fire department whenever their smoke gets into our house/yard. According to local laws they will probably be fined and prohibited from having it entirely if there are multiple complaints.
WIBTA for calling the fire department as many times as necessary to get my neighbors’ recreational fire pit shut down? ###### | NTA. There is a good reason for those fire regulations and includes not letting them burn your house down. That’s it. ###### |
So my sister and her BF recently bought vapes. She bought hers for her own money and I don't care that she's vaping. What I care about, though, is that she vapes in our room (we share a room). So we've gotten in an argument about her vaping here. I really hate the fake fruit smell and it's giving me a headache. AITA? ###### | NTA. There are plenty of other places where she can vape without causing you discomfort. ###### |
Got some degree of background, I (30F) was pregnant and miscarried. I now have to have the left over tissue removed from my body. I was only 9 weeks at the time, but I’m obviously hormonal and I’m sad.
My husband (31M) was never excited about the pregnancy. To be honest, it was unexpected. We have no other children and weren’t planning on it any time soon.
I scheduled the appointment and asked if he was available during that time. He confirmed he was, but as the conversation continued he kept bringing up how he was trying to make plans with a friend who’s in from out of town for that evening. I told him I didn’t want to do that.
He still wants to go hang out with his friend. Am I just hormonal? Or is it reasonable to expect him to be a source of emotional support after that? He just saw this friend two weeks ago. ###### | NTA. There are going to be drugs in your system and you Will not be in shape to socialize. Additionally, you may need help at home.
This is hardcore basic wedding vows stuff and he should tell his friend it's not a good time. ###### |
AITA?
TLDR; husband can't stand tattoos and won’t let me get one- I’m about to just do it- but he might just break over it.
Hi, I’m F25 and my husband M25 have a good marriage, we’ve had normal marriage problems but I’d like to think we did a good job resolving them through good communication and positive change. (Four years)
Every few months though, we’ve been having the same fight. I want my first tattoo and he doesn't want me to get one at all. The solution here isn’t as easy as “ f him, be a free independent woman, it’s your body, ect”.
1st problem is one of the positive changes in our marriage is me making an effort to make decisions together instead of alone. (ITA story below)
2nd problem is we are both children from strict Mormon backgrounds- though we aren’t Mormon anymore- a lot of his issue is he was made to believe people with tattoos are trashy, immature and criminals.
I’ve tried to compromise. On his end I can’t get one till I’m 30 (um, ok.. dad?). On my end, it’s got to be something small and where people can’t notice it easily. He thinks if I wait till 30 I won’t want one anymore because mature new moms don’t get first tattoos.
I’m about ready to just do what I want where I want, but I’m also not ready to put a rift in our marriage again. AITA if I get one?
Tattoo: just a black, thin line contour of a violet, it’s stem and 1-3 leaves on the end behind my ankle bone.
ITA story: I really wanted a dog he never did- he told me no but told me I could still do it- but it was a feeling of betrayal when I chose to get a puppy. I admit it was selfish, but I wish it didn’t make him feel like I didn’t love him/respect him. He resented me for three months even when he gained real love for that dog after one. ###### | NTA. There are decisions that as a married couple, a partner is not allowed to make unilaterally. Finances, large purchases, etc. Anything in relation to your own body does NOT fall under that category. Wait until you're thirty? WTF? That is utterly ludicrous, condescending and frankly borderline misogynistic (like you need Daddy's permission as you said). You cannot control what another person wishes to do with their body. Haircuts, hair colors, piercings, tattoos, shaving preferences, cosmetics--these are interpersonal decisions only. The ONLY reason I could see someone saying 'hey let's think about this TOGETHER' is if for example your employer says 'no visible ink or you're fired' and you get a huge face tattoo OR if it is offensive like a swastika. Otherwise--your body, your choice, period. It is controlling--there is no other word for it--controlling to tell a partner what body modifications they can have unless the special circumstances I listed above. Then a spouse has a right to RAISE AN OBJECTION but ultimately the decision is YOURS ALONE.
I cannot stress this enough--a partner, spouse, significant other CANNOT make a unilateral decision about **your** body. Only you can. For someone to try and overstep that boundary is very much getting into 'domestic control' territory. Nope. He cannot make that decision for you--he can only have an opinion about it.
Edit: The puppy thing has no bearing as you are not asking about judgment for that. That is a TOGETHER decision, so you did wrong there, but you are not asking for judgment on that action, just your tattoo. ###### |
We are muslims and unlike them, I sorta neglect my religious tasks. Sometimes I don’t pray, and sometimes I’m not fasting in this ramadan. So basically, after each feast, my roommates go pray together, and they ask me to join them. I prayed with them before but yesterday and the day before I said nah, I’ll pray by myself (in reality I don’t want to pray cuz I’m lazy), and when I said so, they get annoyed as if I did something rude. One of them even told me that dude cmon pray so you can enter heaven, and so god doesnt punish you. Mate I get it but don’t push me like this or at least be indifferent about me, it’s my problem.
Bonus: When I was living with my family before moving to college, they didn’t enforce me to be completely religious. They told me to do it on if I’m willing to. No matter how much I skipped prayer, they never shamed me for it. ###### | NTA. Them trying to enforce their religious practices upon you makes them TA. ###### |
My roommates (21-22F) and I (21F) were tanning in our backyard when my neighbor (N) peeked over our fence to ask about the beehive he found near our garage. Right then, beekeepers (B1/B2) showed up and asked to use our driveway so I left to move my car.
N and B1 then started making sexual comments about my roommate (R) saying they’re only here to "look at the view" and that her bathing suit was "too skimpy". When I came back, my roommates told me what happened and how both men scoffed when R called them out.
My roommates begged me to not say anything but I was pissed. I told the men "The comments you made were not okay. You made a group of young women feel so uncomfortable they no longer feel safe in their own backyard. I don't care if you *think* you did nothing wrong, at the end of the day you made comments towards a 21 year old girl that made her feel unsafe. You would be pissed if some stranger did this to your daughter so learn from your mistakes and don't do it again."
N and B1 tried to apologize but they said “sorry if my words were misconstrued” and I kinda lost my shit. I said "I won’t accept an apology in which you take NO responsibility for your actions. You know what you said and you know it's wrong. I don't care you're from a different generation, you know making sexual comments towards a 21 year old is gross. Think about your behavior, understand why it was wrong, and never do it again."
I'm concerned I took it too far by denying their apologies. My dad said I should have let it go sooner and not pushed the issue. AITA? ###### | NTA. Their saying, "Sorry YOU misconstrued the creepy things I said" isn't an apology, and no one misconstrued anything.
It would have been creepy and inappropriate if they were 24 and stood there making those comments, let alone any other age. Just be careful. There are some pretty big weirdos in the world who don't like getting called out, no matter how justified it was. ###### |
My 3 best friends and I were on our way to the beach earlier today, when my friend who was driving (K) was pulled over for speeding. She has never been pulled over before so she was freaking out a bit thinking the ticket was going to be like $400 and immediately told us we would be splitting this ticket four ways. My friend S basically told her no we wouldn’t be splitting the ticket as we weren’t the ones speeding K was. I agreed with my friend S that we shouldn’t have to split the ticket. It ended up being a $190 ticket. I told my parents when I got home and they called me an asshole for not splitting the ticket. We had already agreed to pay for gas and are actually now paying $20 each which was a lot more than it should be as a “sorry you got pulled over” bonus but I am now mixed on if AITA or not. ###### | NTA. Their lead foot was what caused them to get pulled over. Can't blame that on anyone else ###### |
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