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SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Girlfriend [18/F] and I [19/M] of 2 years are facing a major roadblock
POST: My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I know it hasn't really been that long, but we are pretty serious about our relationship and we talk about the future together quite a bit.
Let me start by saying that my girlfriend has a pretty good relationship with her mom, and she wants us to go live with her in the country. I initially didn't really have a problem with this, and I thought it would be a cool thing to do.
A little while ago her mom gave her opinion about our relationship. She said some really disrespectful things about me and basically let her know that she does not support our relationship. I won't get into detail about what she was being disrespectful about, but it's a huge part of my life and I could not live with someone who was being disrespectful about it. The tricky thing about this situation is that my girlfriend still wants to go live with her.
I'm not really sure what to do. Her and I talked about it and she seemed really upset that I didn't want to live with this woman. I know that she's her mom and all, but I felt kinda insulted that even after she blatantly disrespected me in a very bad way and doesn't support our relationship she still wants to go live with her :/
What do you guys think I should do? I'm kinda lost here. Anything would be appreciated.
TL;DR: | Gfs mom disrespected me and doesn't support our relationship and gf still wants us to go live with her in the country |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26F] with my SO [25 M], when to tell him exact amount of student loan debt.
POST: My SO 25M and I have been dating exclusively the past 8 months, and got more serious about our relationship about 2 months ago (I love you's).
I have 120k in student loan debt (both private and gov't) I currently make 46.5k gross a year. I have a degree in business. Originally one of my parents was suppose to help me pay a large amount of my loans when I signed up for school but this has not happened and honestly now I don't count on it at all.
I'm honestly terrified of my debt, embarrassed and ashamed. I'm working on buckling down on paying my debt as fast as possible, which means putting myself on more strict budget. As of right now I'm currently paying $1039 a month toward all my loans and pay the required payment without additional interest accruing. I'm also completely financially independent from my parents, I contribute to my 401k, pay my own rent, health insurance etc)
We have not talked moving in together let alone marriage at this time and I believe that would be about another 1 yr down the road before talking about moving in occurs. I don't want him to feel I'm lying to him or hiding it from him either. We have not had any financial conversations about specifics. He knows I have a good amount of student loans because I have mentioned it from the beginning that I pay student loans but I'm pretty sure he doesn't realize the extent. His parent's are rather wealthy, I do know they paid for his school and they still pay for a good chunk of his bills.
I don't know how to bring this up to him and I know I need to because if he wants to leave the relationship because its too much debt for a future I'm sure he and I would both like to know sooner vs later. I completely understand its a huge amount of debt for someone to potentially marry to down the road and because of that I'm terrified he will leave me.
How do I bring this up to him I don't want to wait until it's too late. Any constructive advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: | I have 120K in student loan debt and need advice on when and how I should tell my SO of 8 months the exact amount of debt and I'm terrified he will leave me once I do tell him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: I need help with ideas for transporting guests from one location to another. Please help!
POST: My X-post from [r/wedding](
As it states there, I am getting married on a hill in front of my fiance's parents house in October 2013. The parking is in a field below the hill near the reception site and I'll need to be able to transport my guests up the hill and back down again. I've been trying to look into renting a 15/16 passenger van but haven't had any luck in finding a company locally that even rents those out. If I can't find a passenger van locally to rent for the wedding next year, I don't know what i'm going to do to transport people up and down the hill. I've thought maybe a hay ride type thing, but I don't know how many "older" people will be there and I don't know if that would even be a suitable option. I don't want it to be "redneck" although it's in the country, haha.
TL;DR: | Need transportation for wedding guests up a hill to the ceremony from where parking will be. Unsure if I will be able to find a 16 passenger van for rent. All ideas welcome! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [15 F] have a crush on my friend [16 F] of 7~ years, I don't know if I should say anything
POST: I've been friends with this girl since about 4th grade, and we're both sophomores now. We're very very close, and
always have a lot of fun together. Since about... December 2014, I guess, i've started thinking a little too hard
about the nature of our relationship and how I feel about her.
I haven't been able to get her out of my head and now I feel even more enamoured with her. I've started to
imagine scenarios where we're together, nothing explicit but just cuddling, holding hands, stuff like that.
We've exchanged 'I love you's but it was always in the context of friendship, but I've noticed lately I've been more
tactile and she has been too, messing with my hair and leaning her head on my shoulder. She told me about how
she was pansexual and genderfluid recently, and later told me I was the first one she told and that it was the
easiest to tell me (which made me feel a bit proud, i've noticed I get a bit jealous too... oops). I get a little too
excited when I talk to her, like I forget I should be talking to other people.
My mom has commented on it occasionally as well. Once I had something to say and she asked me if I "had a crush
on her" which I said at the time I don't-- then later she said she might have a crush on me, which I said was not
true at the time.
I don't know if I'm overanalysing the way she's acting as her returning my feelings or not, and I don't know if I'm
being weird around her or not... it's been on my mind since december and I don't know if I should say anything
because I don't want to risk our long-standing friendship.
TL;DR: | We've been best friends for a long time. Since December I've noticed unfamiliar feelings for her, and I've |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [24M] Confused by desire for relationship
POST: An obvious throwaway with what I feel to be an apt name.
As most boys do, I discovered an interest in women along with puberty. However I've never been particularly interested in doing anything physical with said women, quite why I'm not sure, nor am bothered by.
However it leaves me feeling rather incongruous when in the last four years I've developed an interest of initiating relationship development, most strongly felt with regards to current female friends and regardless of whether they show interest in me (one has, one hasn't). I was wondering if there was any explanation of this practice of chasing a car with no idea of what to do with a car if you caught it, beyond it being an evolutionary adaptation to further the genetic line.
TL;DR: | Want a relationship without wanting anything from a relationship. I don't really know what to do, nor really what to ask, beyond general advice. |
SUBREDDIT: r/books
TITLE: Join NPR Morning Edition's Book Club As We Read "A God In Ruins" By Kate Atkinson
POST: Hello!
I'm a producer with National Public Radio's *Morning Edition* and I wanted to share the news that we just announced our second book club pick, *A God In Ruins,* by Kate Atkinson. *Gone Girl* Author Gillian Flynn picked it for us ([here's our interview with Flynn describing why she loves it] We're airing a discussion with Flynn and Atkinson about the themes of the book on June 16.
*If you are OK with some thematic spoilers, check out [this review] of the novel from Tasha Robinson of NPR Books.*
To keeping the conversation going, NPR employees who've read the book will pose a question about its themes on this thread. If you have questions about the book, post them here (Atkinson will answer a few of them on air). You can also follow along with the hashtag #MorningEditionBookClub.
TL;DR: | If you'd like to read and discuss a new book with other public radio listeners, pick up a copy of *A God In Ruins* and join in on the discussion. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19F] with my boyfriend [22M] of 5 months having issues cause he won't stop texting this girl.
POST: Okay first. I'm not a very jealous person. But when it comes to this kind of stations, I get worried because my SO have left me for a friend who tried to reconnect with them.
I'm not sure that's what's happening here but I confronted my boyfriend about it and he said she's just a friend who they've have had classes together before he met me. I asked him that if she really bugged him, because that's also what he said, he should just stop talking to her. He said that that would be a dick move and that I should think about it like this : If he and I broke up, and he just stopped talking to me, I would be mad at him. No, of course not I would not be mad at him if we broke up and he stopped talking to me because that's usually what happens. But regardless of what I say, he won't stop talking to her, he said he won't start conversation, but he won't ignore her either.
Also, I couldn't help this but I saw the opportunity and I went for it. My boyfriend and I were watching TV a couple of days ago together and his mom called him to help her with something. So when my boyfriend was in the other helping his mom, I saw that he left his phone. I tried looking up their conversation but he had deleted it. Is that sign of something must be wrong? Am I just paranoid? Should I ask what is really going on? I don't want him to think that I don't trust him because I do, but I need to careful that I don't get hurt.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend won't stop talking to a girl that I asked him to stop talking to. Plus deleted his conversation with her on his phone. Please help |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Help me out, AskReddit. My dad got into a car accident and the obnoxious woman is lying about what really happened. What can he do?
POST: Hey AskReddit,
I don't post often so forgive me if I'm formatting this incorrectly/should be using a different subreddit.
My father was driving yesterday and stopped in a turning lane. A woman in an SUV reversed her car about 15 feet right into him. Why? I don't know. Anyway, he did not follow proper post-accident protocol; no pictures were taken and no witnesses were gathered. He just exchanged information and left. Apparently, she was quite obnoxious about the whole ordeal.
Today, the woman is saying that he rear ended her. My father is a very honest man and I'd take any account he gave as 100 percent reliable. I hope the insurance agencies are able to solve this matter, but if not, is there anything he can do to prove what really happened? I'd hate for this karmic disaster of a woman to get away with lying on the incident report. My father doesn't deserve that.
TL;DR: | Dad's car got hit by an obnoxious woman while he was stopped. She's claiming he rear ended her. What can he do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Tell me about a scary time in your life that made you think "...oh my god am I going to die?"
POST: When I was 8 I woke up in the middle of the night having an asthma attack. I didn't know I even had asthma, though, and neither did my family. I bolted out of bed and it felt like my lungs were 1/10th their normal capacity. With could feel my body's oxygen deficit rising with each mini-breath. Sweat dripped everywhere from my body. The fact that I didn't have enough air to scream "help me" was absolutely horrifying as an eight year old.
I crawled over to my brother, who I shared a room with, and tried to shake him awake, making whatever guttural noises I could to get his attention. He pushed me off the bed and mumbled "go away you idiot."
I crawled over to the light switch, turned it on and off repeatedly, holding my neck, kicking the door, just being as loud as I could. Finally, my dad walked into my room to figure out what was going on. They both looked at me with absolute confusion. Neither one knew what was going on. *In fact, neither one knew I was even in danger.*
Luckily, the asthma attack stopped a few minutes later. They passed it off as a coughing fit and gave me some Dimetapp. It was the worst day of my entire childhood, and I still remember it vividly almost two decades later.
TL;DR: | Had an asthma attack in the middle of the night when i was eight. Brother and dad just stared at me idiotically the whole time, not realizing it was an asthma attack. Lucky I didn't die. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My best friend [25F] of 14 years is in an abusive relationship. I bought her a one way ticket to see me [27F] and get away. What next?
POST: My best friend, Amelia, has been in an abusive relationship for a while now.
She lives across the country, and not too long ago things seemed to hit the fan with the abuse and the police got involved. He was charged by the state and I won't get into the details unless necessary but they were only recently allowed to legally see one another. Right now, they are both living in a property that she purchased.
She called me yesterday very distraught. She wants to break up, and he refuses to leave her home. The obvious answer here is to call the police, I know. But she doesn't see this as an option, since he will go straight to prison for a very long time. Unless she is in serious danger, this is not an option for me either. It is very important to me that I am there for her in the best way possible and I don't feel that the emotional turmoil I would cause for her would be fair. It would probably end our friendship and she means too much to me for me to do that to her.
I have been careful not to overstep, and cause her to push me away, but I couldn't take it anymore. I bought her a one way ticket to come and stay with me for a while. Her family doesn't know about what's been happening, so she doesn't feel like she can be honest with them about just how bad things are.
Now, what next? She's supposed to get on the plane in less than 3 hours, and I'm praying that she does. I'm kind of freaking out that she won't, or that he's hurt her again and she can't. What's the best way to handle her boyfriend? Is there any way to make him leave without involving the police? Is that even possible? I have no idea where to go from here.
TL;DR: | My best friend is finally trying to leave her boyfriend, and she's getting on a plane today to visit me for a while. Where do we go from here? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25F] with my long distance boyfriend [29M] of 1 year...not sure whether his "imperfections" justify ending the relationship.
POST: "Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them...[Be] with someone who is exactly the way you want him or her to be. Find someone whom you don't have to change at all."- Don Miguel Ruiz in The Four Agreements.
How realistic is that? Is it possible to find someone who is EXACTLY the way you want your partner to be? We always hear that compromise is a huge part of making a relationship work. What things do you compromise on? At what point do you draw the line between compromising and moving on because that person is not exactly who you want them to be?
My boyfriend is not everything I want my partner to be. There are some differences between us but I am not sure they are "valid" enough to end the relationship. I will not go into detail about these yet as I just want your opinion on the above quote and questions. Thank you for your help.
TL;DR: | It is advised to be with someone who is exactly the way you would want a partner to be. Boyfriend is not "perfect". Do I move on to find someone who "is" or accept his flaws? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Relationship] I [20 M] have been dating this girl [21 F] for a little over 2 months. After we graduate, I'm afraid she'll want to break up. What should I do?
POST: So I met this girl Sara at college last year. We met at a party and talked and really hit it off. One night I tried to compliment her over text and she told me "Spare me the lines, I'm taken and they don't work on me anyway". So obviously I stopped, and one day over winter break texted her. Now mind you, she lives about 4 hours away from me.
This semester we started talking, after she broke up with her boyfriend. She told me that when we talked the semester before she wanted to break up with her boyfriend and be with me because I seemed like the exact type of guy she wanted. So, we kept talking and started dating. This was a big deal for me, this is my first relationship and her third. Now, I know it has only been a short amount of time, but we slept together 5-6 nights out of the week and spent all of our time together. We even discussed moving in together after we graduate next year but I plan on attending grad school and she wants to work abroad.
However, now that school is out, we communicate through text and Skype. The other night she brought up us not being able to be with each other after we graduate and how she wants to work abroad but wants to be with me. I want to go to grad school but I want to be with her. She said that if we made a decision based on the other person though, we would just blame the other person for our disappointment.
Now, I want both of us to do what we want and she made it clear she doesn't want to live a boring life or not have fun, but when she made it seem like she could only have one or the other it upset me. I haven't told her this yet, and I'm not sure if I should. I just don't want to be in a relationship if after we graduate we're going to split ways because I told this girl I saw myself spending my life with her and she said the same thing.
TL;DR: | My first girlfriend and I haven't decided what we want from life and I'm afraid what she wants doesn't include me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How do you book/decide on your campsite?
POST: Hi there,
I was a first time camper last weekend (we loved it!!) but the thing is that the campsite we chose was less than honest with us about how secluded it was. I specified that we didn't want to see our neighbors, and we needed trees for our site. In my email confirmation the site pictured is not the site we got, we were sandwiched between two trailers and there were trees but they were saplings surrounded by rocks with the bathrooms on our third side....not my idea of roughing it.
I live in Ontario Canada, and was wondering how to make sure the type of camp site expected is the site you get. Any recommendations or tips?
TL;DR: | want a campsite that's secluded enough not to see our neighbors, but not a 30min hike to get to. Any key words/advice on how to be sure I get what I want next time? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Do I [21F] get jealous too easily?
POST: This is probably a really petty problem compared to the other things that show up on this subreddit, but I didn't know where else to ask.
I have been with my boyfriend [21m] for two and a half years, and it has been truly wonderful. He is a lovely person, and we see ourselves possibly getting engaged in the near future.
However, I can't help but feel like I always get irrationally jealous over little things regarding his relationships with other women, both current and past. I am his second LTR, and he is my first. Maybe a year or so ago I was a bit bothered by some old profile pictures of him and his ex on Facebook, and politely asked him if he could take them down, which he happily did. Ever since then I've found that any sort or interactions he has with other women, even those that are my friends as well, sparks a tiny little flame of jealousy within me. It's very small, but almost always there. I even found myself bothered by an interaction he had on Facebook with one of his best friend's GF. It was utterly harmless, and I know they're friends, but I still couldn't help but feel a little upset.
I guess my question is this: is this normal? Am I making myself more mentally clingy than I should be? And is there any way I can make myself not feel like this almost all the time?
TL;DR: | wonderful long-term relationship with bf, can't help but feel a little jealous of every interaction he has with other women my age, any way this can be remedied? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by trying to pop a pimple like thing on my thigh
POST: Hey Reddit. This happened like 5 minutes ago. I saw some weird pimple like thing on my thigh today and decided to try and pop it. It was really close to my dick. Out of nowhere my dad comes to talk about going to see the new Avengers movie. At this point i was trying to pop it at any means possible, shifting my position up and down. As soon as i heard his voice it startled me and i took my hands out and looked at him like i was scared. He was just kinda shocked and went into the bathroom. I have no idea what is going to happen
TL;DR: | I tried popping some weird pimple like bump near my dick, dad sees me, thinks i was jacking off or something. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Update 2]: [21M]y ex IM'd me today [22f]or the first time in 9 months.
POST: (Another update)[ from yours truly.
Let's see…
This week has just been getting progressively more confusing. Thursday night, we went to see PA4, and her cousin tagged along. That went about as well as it could have, I guess.
Friday, I took her to dinner. We talked a lot more about what had happened, and I learned some more about how terrible her 'boyfriend'/my old friend had treated her. I was upset and saddened to hear this, of course.
We also talked a bit more about this guys that she's been talking to. They've been talking for a month or so, but he's been acting very strangely. They aren't 'together' right now, but the guy has told her to "be a good girl," and when he texted her saying that he would text her soon, he immediately texted again with "Fine, ignore me then."
Tonight she's going to be with him at an amusement park, potentially until 2 am.
Last night after dinner, I took her and her cousin out to get a drink. We each had a beer, though her cousin left her and me at a different bar, where we talked a bit more about everything. We drove around for a bit, and ended up getting ice cream and hanging out at the parlor until about 12:30 am. When I dropped them off, my ex embraced me for about a minute. She held onto me more tightly than I can ever remember.
She still insists that we're only going to be friends.
Sorry for the order (or lack thereof) in this post!
TL;DR: | My ex is sending mixed signals about the status of 'us.' She talks about another guy and potential there, which I'm fine with so long as she's happy, but still acts like we did when we were together. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21F] read through my boyfriend [22 M] of 2 years's reddit comments; I'm now worrying he isn't over his ex and isn't happy with me
POST: Last night my boyfriend was on reddit. I saw his username for the first time. After he left, I was curious so I looked.
I guess I shouldn't have done that.
anyway, in an askreddit post about "what lie have you told for so long that it's part of who you are" or something like that, the comment was that he isn't over his ex girlfriend and isn't happy with me. Comment was from 9 months ago.
I confronted him, and he said "no one on reddit tells the truth" and he's denying it. though he admits to talking to her over text message most days.
I believe he loves me now. But I think he loves me because I please him or do things for him. Sometimes I get a feeling that he doesn't care much about me, or my own wellbeing, but more about making himself happy.
TL;DR: | boyfriend still talks frequently with his ex after two years, seems to still like her, while telling me he loves me. What on earth am I supposed to make of this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: batshit insane person; can't see myself overcoming this...
POST: I am 25 years old. I live at my mom's. Also living here is my younger sister and her husband and their 1-year-old. Oh, also my younger brother. He's slowly killing himself on a steady diet of extremely powerful prescription drugs and booze. His intoxicated shenanigans are the daily subject of all our conversations. He walks around the house like a zombie and sometimes pisses where there is no toilet. I'm supposed to share a room with him, but he likes to keep the damn window open (it is freezing here in Michigan right) so he can quickly run outside to meet his dealer(s) or smoke cigarettes/pot. If I try to shut the window, a violent confrontation erupts. So I "sleep" on a couch that is about 2/3 my length.
I drink too much as well. Every time I begin to feel a negative emotion coming on, I sort of shove it out of my brain until night comes and I begin pouring beer down my throat. Then I begin to imagine myself confronting people whom I feel have wronged me in some way. I literally sit there, get drunk, and talk to myself. Sometimes a moment of clarity pops up and I go, "Dude, you are officially insane. You are TALKING to YOURSELF."
The smallest physical efforts are becoming the most difficult of achievements. My vision seems to be deteriorating. This is bad, because I already have the thickest corrective lenses I have ever seen. Thoughts take a very long time to translate into words. I slur my speech even if I haven't had a drink in a couple of days.
TL;DR: | I'm completely losing my mind, self-medicating with beer, unable to figure out how to get out of this rut. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Move in date: 8/7... it's now 8/11 and we are still not aloud to move in?!
POST: So this complex is an income restricted property, and we signed up for an apartment with them 4 months ago. We assumed that would be enough time to get all the paperwork together, and get moved in when expected.
It wasn't until the Friday before our move in date they told us it might be a little later since they were "waiting on some paperwork from my bank". Well, Monday comes and they ask me to run a form to my bank to speed up the process (of course the banker I asked to fax the paper attempted to do so 4 times and I had to go back and have her do it again over and over wasting a whole freaking day)... then I had to get my apartment manager to call them with a reference (which I'm pretty sure they could of done months ago as well).
I had friends come to town to help me move, and they had to go back home by Tuesday when it was clear it would be at least 1 more day.
So I'm not sure what the hell is going on, and my husband and I are hesitant to call and bug them, but we have called several times a day this week, and our lease on our current place is up and we have to move out in 2 days! I'm getting nervous, angry, and just confused in general.
**Could anyone who knows more about restricted income complexes help me understand what is going on, and if we should be looking for a new apartment (with immediate move in..). **
For reference, if anything we would be under the required income... but they said we were good. Now they are calling my work AGAIN to see what my income is?!
TL;DR: | we are moving into an income restricted apartment, and they have me really worried that the paperwork won't be done till I'm already homeless. Any tips/advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [20/m] asked my co-worker out [20/f] because I knew she wanted to. But she turned me down once I asked her. Cold feet or change of heart?
POST: My female co-worker and I (we're both 20) have been hitting it off pretty nicely the last month. We had a good time at a party 2 weeks ago and she seemed very into me. Later that week I made it very clear that I liked her, she made it very unclear what the fuck she was thinking lol, she is hard to read I guess. But I think she liked me.
This weekend I called her after I came home from a club (barely even drunk though) and I asked her out. She replied "*No, I'm busy tomorrow, sooo..... But if you ask me again some other time I'll say yes :)*"
To me that sounds like she wants me to ask again while I'm sober. So I grew a pair and asked her today, at work. She just made a long, not-so-legit excuse about how she was busy the whole week. Obvious rejection right there...
I probably won't do much after this, I threw the ball, I did my part. It's her move if she wants something. But what do reddit think? Is she having cold feet or did she change her mind completely over the course of 2 days?
TL;DR: | Female co-worker stated that she would go out some time. But she said no once I asked her (ouch). Is she having cold feet or did she change her mind? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] with my friend [21 F] of several years, major overreaction to an argument we had
POST: Hi there,
I have several very close friends with whom it is common for us to have extended discussions/arguments over sometimes controversial topics about which we have differing opinions. Almost never, this is taken personally and people's feelings are hurt.
However, on this particular occasion, one drunken evening, somehow the topic of race and racial issues were brought up. Now, I am white and she is not, and she was claiming that white people should not be involved in discussion about race issues because we have never faced oppression. I agreed that although historically white people have not been oppressed, the suggestion that we should be excluded completely from any discussion based entirely on our race is itself racist.
She completely kicked off about this, to the extent that she stormed out of the room and later said I was claiming that white people face oppression from minorities (which I did not even imply with anything that I said) and that I was belittling her experiences of racism.
By this point I feel it is entirely irrelevant whether either of us were making valid points. I waited a few days for her to calm down and then messaged her to say I would like to apologise for upsetting her in person. She continued to be antagonistic and deliberately uncooperative to the extent that I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel like if I try to clarify what I said or what I meant with my comments she will interpret this as more racism from me, but if I don't I am in some way admitting to wrongdoing and thereby reinforcing the idea that I am not someone she wants to be associated with.
I have tried to settle this misunderstanding in the least dramatic way but I get the impression she is creating drama for its own sake. There is nothing to be gained on my part from being passive aggressive and so I do not know how to proceed.
Apologies for the long post but I need an outside perspective on this. Getting other friends involved is a terrible idea and will prolong the situation. I would like to stress that I have known this girl for almost three years and before this got on very well. Any input is most welcome.
TL;DR: | Friend thinks I am some kind of white supremacist for disagreeing with her opinion about how racism is discussed. I have tried to apologise - she is being difficult. Not sure what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26F] with my best friend [26F] of 7 year, slept with my Ex-boyfriend [28] after I told her I still had feelings for him.
POST: Please tell me if this is the wrong place to post this and suggest the right one.
My boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up two years ago, this year I have been dealing with the feelings I still have for him and the regret of the lost relationship. Trying to get back in touch with him and expressing to one of my best the regret I feel from losing him.
Said best friend and I have been very close for seven years she was with me at the beginning and end of my relationship with the ex. I found out a week ago that he had contacted her, I asked her to pass along my information and express my regret about the end of the relationship.
To the point she comes over the other day saying that she hung out with him, I ask if she slept with him (well because she sleeps with a lot of people) and she responded yes.
Am I wrong to be end a friendship over this? She knew I had feelings for him still and wanted to fix things yet she made the choice to sleep with him regardless.
TL;DR: | My best friend slept with my ex of two years whom she knew I still have feelings for. Am I over reacting by ending or friendship of this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (32F) got drunk and told my friends I'm a virgin. Shit hit the fan.
POST: So, as I said, I'm a virgin. I've never been kissed or been on a date, either. It used to bother me when I was younger, but now I'm okay. I have a fulfilling job, lots of hobbies, good friends, etc. My friends are all married with kids, or divorced, or in long term relationships. At various times they've asked about setting me up with someone or why I don't go out much. I tell them I'm busy with my career, which is partially true.
So, here's where the problem happened. New Year's Eve happened so we all went out for a girl's night. I rarely drink, but I was caught up in the moment and had a bit too much. When someone asked me why I wasn't flirting with guys at the bar, I let out that I'm a virgin. I made a joke out of it, but no one else found it funny.
So, that night and for the next few days after that, they've been bugging me about it. They're hurt that I haven't told them, a bit bewildered (like I have 3 heads or something!), and are just sort of pitying me. One of my friends has been trying to tell me that sex isn't that great anyway, but hey, I'm not stupid.
I've told them to leave me alone, but they won't stop bringing it up. I see all of them again tomorrow evening for our knitting circle, and I don't really want to be fielding questions the whole time. I've learned to accept my virgin status, but hearing the constant questions is making me feel sad all over again.
Any advice for dealing with this situation? They won't stop offering people for me to date, and I'm pretty sure they've all told their husbands by now. My secret's out and I can't take it back.
TL;DR: | Told my friends I'm a virgin as a drunken mistake. They won't stop pitying me and asking me about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [24 F] with my SO[26 M] told me I am replaceable.
POST: My partner and I get along great. We have been dating for 4 years and are now engaged. No actual complaints in the relationship. It recently came up that he sees me as important, but ultimately, he finds that he could find someone else just as important. He also says that some life experiences (travelling and charity work) are not replaceable as some of them are once in a lifetime opportunities.
I understand logically that that is true, but it still hurt to hear that? Have any of you every felt something similar or been through something like that? I know that us meeting is arbitrary, but I still think that my partner is important to me and his uniqueness is something that matters. I guess logically I can see why he would be replaceable but I still can't think of it like that. I brought up how it made me feel and there was understanding but nothing changed (not that it needs to, I may just need to move on).
Is this something I just need to get over?
TL;DR: | Partner says I'm replaceable, not meant at me personally but relationships in general. He still wants to spend the rest of his life with me but I feel sad. Do I just move past this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by taking part in a senior prank
POST: Fuck my life. I am a senior in high school, and today was our last day of school. So like most other senior classes at our school we had been planning some pranks (like blocking off parking spots, putting obstacles in the hallways, etc.). We didn't want to be jerks and block off the parking spots or anything like that. We had an idea that we would shoot people who walked in to the school with nerf guns and silly string. So we are doing this and it is going pretty good, we are getting everyone and most of them have a good attitude about it (saying it's better than blocking off parking spots). So I hide behind a barrier waiting for our next victim...a fellow senior (Let's call him Mitch) gave me the signal that someone is coming, and I get ready to shoot. I shoot the silly string straight in the chest of my victim, while my friend shoots him with the nerf gun. I swear the shot was like something you see in a James Bond movie or something, just perfection. One problem. THE TARGET WAS MY FUCKING ECONOMICS TEACHER! He was never a chill teacher, and was freaking furious. He said, "WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO DO THAT TO ME? YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? I'M GONNA BE SO GLAD WHEN YOUR CLASS IS GONE! I SWEAR I WILL GET YOU HOOLIGANS BACK!" I then realized what this could mean. He might not give me credit for his course! I was barely getting credit for his class (I got C-...senior slide), and my grade was like right at 70%, and we have like one or two assignments to be graded. And to make matters worse if I didn't get credit for the course I would be a half-credit short from graduation, and would probably have to go to summer school. So basically by participating in a seemingly harmless senior prank I might have to go to summer school.
TL;DR: | Silly stringed my professor, turned him into King Kong, might not pass his class and graduate...Also "Mitch" is a bitch for giving me the signal! |
SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: How many of you have child care options at your work site or school? (xpost from TwoXChromosomes)
POST: I ask this question because I work in a relatively specialized industry and the lack of childcare options in our community is a problem. My child is almost old enough to stay at home alone, but a lot of my peers are not in the same situation. Most people don't start families at age 19. Young men and women within my company are struggling to find appropriate child care. Either there are no option nearby or the facilities are not open late enough. Our staff personnel need a facility open till at least 8 pm which is apparently impossible to find.
We've approached management in the past to consider building a facility on our job site than can accomodate our day time hours (4:30 am to 8:00 pm). We were shot down primarily because of the costs associated with building the facility, but not operational costs. Employees would pay a reasonable child care fee, so it would not be completely employeer paid. I recently discovered that the original team only got one quote for building and operational costs. Never get a single quote. Shop around!
Additionally, I've had several younger coworkers come to me for help on how to handle managers essentially pressuring them to chose between parenthood and a career. In most of the cases, it had to do with management's lack of respect for work like balance (wanted engineers on call all the time). Other times, the management issues were more reasonable like employees missing too much work due to a spouse's work schedule. For example, Mom can never stay past 5:00 for emergent projects because of Dad's work schedule. This can be a problem in our industry. Stuff breaks and the system expert has to be available sometimes.
So, I think it's time to revisit this issue within my company. We have a growing number of families and single parents. Opinions, arguments, experiences? I posted this here as well in hopes of getting more input.
TL;DR: | I want to persuade my company to offer onsite day care for employees to help satisfy the needs of workers and management. Looking for input. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I [23M] am still in love with my ex girlfriend [21F]
POST: I was with my ex for close to 5 years and we ended up splitting up because I left to join the military. Since then she has gotten another boyfriend and they are living together.
I got to come home for a week and asked if she and her boyfriend wanted to meet up to catch up over some drinks, she agreed and we met up and had a good time.
The boyfriend ended up leaving early to hang out with his friends because he felt awkward being there. When we were alone together she kept telling me how much she missed me and constantly asked if I missed her. She was also very touchy and wanted to hug and be close a lot. She also kept asking me why I wanted to see her, like she was waiting for a certain answer.
I've seen other girls in the 3 years we have been apart, but for some reason I can't get over her. Just seeing her that night brought back a lot of emotion and confusion. I'm not really sure what to do and feel like she still has feelings for me as well.
TL;DR: | Ex and I met up after 3 years apart. Feel like she still has feelings for me. I definitely still love her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What do I do if someone wants to fight me, and I don't want to fight them.
POST: Most of the people near me are the kind of people who will want to fight you if you say something about the smallest stuff.
I consider myself a passive-aggressive person who is more intelligent than maybe ~95% of the people in my school not counting the faculty and staff.
I would like to know your opinion on what to do if someone wants to fight me and I tell them "No I don't want to fight them". This mainly goes as a reputation/social thing, as in like the whole school calling me a "pussy" for not fighting a kid. I won't fight anyone unless they REALLY piss me off. And I mean REALLY pissing me off. I am fine with saying no and walking away, I just don't want my reputation to suffer with people thinking I'm a wimp. Most of the time, I don't care about my social status because it's normally not involved in my day-in day-out life of school. The only time I care is when it comes to fights because they are the underbelly of the students and will determine how tough you are. I'm a portly gentleman who can kick ass when I need to, so I don't get messed with. But when I do I want to know what to do.
I'm sure a lot of you will tell me to say no to fighting him and walk away, but if you can think of anything else, feel free to add it in.
TL;DR: | I want to know what to do if someone wants to fight me, and I don't want to fight them. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: You know that guy in the group that's not really close to anyone but he's just there? Yea.. How do I NOT be that guy?
POST: Right so, I make friends fairly easily but I tend to not get close enough and for some reason they end up thinking I hate them.
Usually I don't mind but just last night I was walking back from practice with my teammates, they're nice guys and all and on the court they all trust me and whatnot. Anyways, we have this thing where the new players get to take their revenge out on us, seniors, for what we did to them in initiations.
As they were talking about I realized that during my initiations the year before, no one actually messed with me or did anything awful really and during their initiations I didn't really do anything to them. I don't really care about that stuff usually but when they were talking about getting their revenge and listing the things they did, they kind of just brushed me off for obvious reasons.
As we were walking one of the other guys was like ''oh what about you'' and I just replied ''I don't talk shit to anyone and no one talks shit to me, so i'm safe'' and so he yells out ''but that's BORING''...
I have one really close-friend but she admitted to liking me and she has a boyfriend.. So it got weird and I told her we should probably stop talking. Also, while we were friends I told her not to discuss her boyfriend problems with me because I don't care - huh.. I think I just found part of the problem. Thanks reddit.. might as well post anyways.
Soooo my question is ***how do I not be the boring guy in the group?
TL;DR: | I'm usually the boring guy in whatever group of friends i'm with, how do I not be that boring guy and be more approachable to banter. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 M] with my boyfriend [31 M] of 2 years - I think today is the day I move on. Seeking encouragement and words of wisdom.
POST: Good morning /r/relationships. I'm using a throwaway because I don't want this linked to my normal account.
My boyfriend and I have been having an extremely rough year. We have a very complicated background that I won't bother digging into.. But short summary: I came very close to leaving him in July after months of mind games. He asked me to stay, so I stayed. Over three months have gone by and I feel worse than I did before. This relationship has become toxic, and my mental health is deteriorating because of it. I feel completely trapped by circumstances.
This week I found a room in an apartment downtown for rent. It's not perfect, but it is furnished and I can bring my dog. I think I need to take it. I need to get out of this relationship before things get worse.
My rough plan is to get home from work, sit him down and tell him I'm breaking this off and that I'll give him a month or two of rent & utilities, and then pack up my car and stay at an airbnb for the weekend. It sounds so easy when I write it down, but I know it'll be more difficult when I'm facing it. I'm not sure how quickly I can transition into the new apartment - it might be a week before I can move out/in.
Any words of wisdom you may have? This is my first breakup and my first long term relationship. I know I can deal with the pain after I initiate it. I think I'll be incredibly relieved at the end of the day.
TL;DR: | initiating first breakup with long term partner - seeking advice on transitioning to a new living situation as smoothly as possible. What are some things you have learned from past breakups? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [20/M] having trouble moving on after breaking up with my ex-gf [18/f]
POST: Hey, what's up guys.
So basically my gf dumped me like 3 weeks ago. We only dated for like a month and a half, and I thought I was fine at the time, but then some other home/personal issues came up, everything sorta "hit me" at the same time and I got mad depressed, start drinkin' quite a bit, sobbing to friends, shit wasn't pretty.
I'm feeling a lot better now than I was then, but a lot of things are still bugging the hell out of me. So I saw my ex at a party and we danced for a bit, now we are snapchatting on and off. The problem is we go to a very small school, and I literally can't go out to a party with out seeing her. And usually when I see her she's necking with some new dude(s).
My original intention was to try and set up a FWB situation (since that's how our relationship began anyway) post-breakup. But now I think, having gotten so steamed about seeing her swap spit with other guys, that I might not be completely over her emotionally.
I've tried to start seeing other people but my self confidence is a bit in the dumps right now and there's not that many awesome girls at my small ass school. I mean I get really heated seeing her with other dudes, but I think it's jealousy more than anything else. Its just so easy for her, being a good-looking chick to just dress up nice, go out and hook up with whoever ya want. Meanwhile I'm just some pathetic lonely ass dude.
Is it bad that I feel like this? I see her hooking up with dudes, and I just think "hey remember when we did that? That was awesome. Now look at all these other dudes having fun and not me." It just makes me feel so shitty inside.
So trying to set up a FWB thing is probably a bad idea, eh? I just feel like everyone's having sex, and I'm not. Is that fucked up?
TL;DR: | Feeling all sorts of confused/pissed/jealous after gf broke up with me, am I being ridiculous? |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: Am I (19F) wrong for asking him (24M) for this?
POST: I developed feelings for a friend, easily said my my best and from our talks, it's mutual. However, the attraction isn't. I am working on my weight but I feel like I have a long way to go and I'm so emotionally invested in this one-sided relationship that I cannot fully focus on other things. I have pushed myself to take the necessary steps in order to get over him and I feel like I need to hear it from him. That he can't see us together with me like this. I told him this and he didn't take it very well. I feel like our friendship would be so much better if I got rid of this tension once and for all. So.. Am I wrong for asking him for this? I can't tell. Maybe because I'm thinking only about myself right now.
TL;DR: | Mutual feelings, Unmutual attraction with friend. Want to get over him so asked to hear it from him (that he can not see us together). He's upset.. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: I really think I love my SO, but there is such a crazy age difference that many times I think I need to just spare both of us and walk away NOW.
POST: So, I never thought that THIS would be my first post. Ive seen quite a bit of genuine wisdom, so I thought I would seek advice.
I met my current SO around 9 months ago. I never thought it would go anywhere, as there is a significant age gap between us. Turns out, we truly connect on so many levels, sometimes even being able to read each other's minds with.such a degree of accuracy that it is scary (and also strangely comforting). My issue is that everytime (with consistency). acts in a way that is emotionally mature, the next day, seems to create a situation that "requires" them to have a poor-me, victim-y tantrum, leaving us both drained emotionally, and leaves me with the question at hand. I am the older one, and financially carry this relationship by 80%. I genuinely feel that finances are not why my SO is in this, as neither of us has ever been connected to another person like we feel that we are with each other. I just dont think they can handle the amount of responsibility it takes to be in a serious relationship, even though the opposite is mentioned frequently. I just dont think my SO can maintain this, yet I truly feel so strongly about them. Anyone have a similar issue? Im pretty torn up about it, and any true advice would be appreciated.
TL;DR: | I am 40, my SO is 24. I have lived a strong and diverse life. it feels like love, yet im not sure they can handle it, as they say they can. DTMFA? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: 26/m starting to seriously question new long distance relationship with 27/f
POST: So a few months back, I made a most on r4r and got a few hits back. One of them being this girl (my now girlfriend) who lives 4 hours away. We have a ton in common and got along really well playing video games in Skype and caught ourselves constantly texting (somewhere over 10k texts in 3 months).
She was on r4r that night due to her then boyfriend being away a month at a time for work and barely doing anything with her when he was home or had time while working. I didn't expect to end up liking or dating her but things happen and I'm not upset it happened.
So we've been dating over a month. I drove down and met her in person and stayed 3 days with her and had a blast. We hit it off and everything felt right. I had no questions from meeting her that dating was bad. That being said there are things that pointed towards how I feel now. The way we met was kind of messed up. She was in a relationship and it ended 4 days before we met in person. We both have anxiety and depression. Hers being way worse then mine. She has no job and her anxiety keeps her from getting one or doing a lot of normal activities. I assumed I could help and my opinion on things would help but they haven't. She posted on r4r again the other day and since I love so far away I felt like maybe the same thing would happen to me that happened to her ex. Also she gets really depressed at times when I'm asleep and I wake up to texts saying how I'm way out of her league and how I should leave her like the rest of the guys and then things like I think we shouldn't date. I know she's depressed but going through a potential break up 3-4 times a week is getting to me.
After all of that came to my eyes and added up I'm really worried and don't know what to do
TL;DR: | just started dating a girl four hours away that has red flags I was ok with at first that are now stressing me out and I don't know what to do |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [27 F] What are some steps I can take to improve myself/my attitude, and my relationships with others?
POST: I am a 27 year old female who in the last 6 months overcame about a decade's long serious depression, via the use of medication. Now that my brain is balanced, I have a naturally more positive outlook and already am finding some mental clarity and that I am getting along better with people, have found my passion in life, got promoted.
However, my depression has left me with a lot of people from my past who seriously dislike me, and who remain in my life through one means or another. It has also left me with a crippling feeling that people do not like me, and find me boring/that I bring them down, as this typically happened to me in the past - where people would single me out to exclude me, treat me like shit, or act in ways like they were actively embarrassed to be seen with me/flat out ignore me if I tried talking to them.
I am noticing that my slashed view of people, based on how I've been treated in the past, is really hurting my attitude towards people and makes me distrustful/feel like a backup towards the few people in my life who have stuck it out. It also makes me less likely to reach out to people, because I automatically assume it won't be fun for them (as has been in the past).
Anyways, I know I deserve to have good things/love in my life after all I've been through, but am struggling very hard to get passed the "you don't really like me" thing. What steps can I take to improve myself and my relationships with others?
TL;DR: | Recently recovered from horrible depression, still have lingering feelings of not being good enough/unlikeableness from horrific treatment from people in the past. How can I improve myself and my attitude in my relationships with others? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My mom [45 F] keeps telling me I [16 F] look like shit. It is making me not like her. Is there a way that I can improve our relationship?
POST: My mom does a few things that really get to me. One of them is that she keeps telling me how bad I look. To be honest I'm very unpopular, socially awkward, and don't look very good, but I am trying my best. And her comments aren't constructive, because she doesn't mention what I could be doing differently, unless it's forcing me to go to a stylist, get my arms waxed, or to a tanning bed. When we're in public she will whisper into my ear that I look terrible, she will make fun of my posture and body type, and it just makes me feel bad. I started being vocal about how it hurt my feelings a few months ago. She says that there's nothing wrong with telling me I look like shit, that that's just how she is, and started telling aunts daughters that they look like shit, and when they smile awkwardly at it, she looks at me and says "see? It's normal". I say that even if they think it's normal, that it hurts my feelings, but to her it doesn't matter that it hurts my feelings because she thinks she's right. She doesn't even budge if I'm crying, and I think that's really mean of her. She tells her friends what a difficult child I am and it makes me feel bad, I wish we had a better relationship. We get along a lot of the time but she does this so often that it's making me not want to be around her, and it's affecting my relationship with my other family members because they think I'm a bitchy crazy teenager.
TL;DR: | I want my mom to be more considerate, she says that this is just how she is. I'm starting to really not like her. What are my options? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26 F] with my SO [24M] of 4 years. Not sure if I am falling out of love or if I'm just bored.
POST: My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and it's been great, we live together and have done for almost all of our relationship. It helps that he is also my best friend! However, for the past 6 or so months I have been speaking to other guys in flirty ways online. I have tried tinder and even thought about cheating but I know I couldn't live with the guilt. My boyfriend gives me compliments but there was something about being told I was sexy and pretty by other guys that gave me a thrill. I've even had temporary feelings for a guy (not a tinder guy, a guy I know in real life that lives in a different country now).
I have stopped doing this but I do feel curious about other guys sexually but also in an emotional way.
I'm not even sure how to decipher my feelings, if my SO is becoming more of a best friend than lover or if I'm just bored and need the spark reignited. I want something electric, exciting. Passion.
How can I fix this? Is there some way I can reignite the spark or do I need a relationship 'break'?
TL;DR: | Need help to try and reignite the spark between me and my boyfriend before I do something hasty like cheat or break up with him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: As An Ex-Smoker I Must Say...
POST: that quitting smoking was much easier to manage. It is not as complex as calorie counting, reading up on proper nutrition, and staying focused and dedicated to a good workout plan. With quitting smoking the only rule is that you don't smoke, and it's very simple. We swim around the internet looking for information on how to get the best results with every calorie we eat, and with every session of working out. The sore muscles, the gallons of sweat, the tears from looking in the mirror, and even after all of it you can still get on the scale and see that you've lost nothing, or perhaps even gained a pound, but you still have to suck it up and keep going. With quitting smoking you are positively reinforced with every single day you can draw an X on the calendar to keep the counter going. As long as you do the right thing that counter will keep rising on a predictable interval, every 24 hours, another check, all you have to do is not smoke. When trying to lose weight you can be spot on perfect for a week and see no weight loss on the scale, come back 5 days later and see 1/2lb taken off, and you wonder if you're going to be stuck on this plateau for awhile, and if it's even worth it to keep at it.
TL;DR: | quitting smoking is quite difficult, but has no leg to stand on with regards to losing weight of a long period of time. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I be worried about my obsessive thinking over women? What is wrong with me?
POST: To clarify, I am morbidly afraid of my future girlfriend or spouse reminding me of my mother. I have no idea how this frightening (and almost hilarious) thought first infected my mind, and I cannot stop unconsciously comparing every woman I see to my mother.
These comparisons have been driving me nuts for almost two weeks now, and I don't know what to make of them.
To provide some context, I have never had a good relationship with either of my parents (I definitely don't want them to be a part of my life). I am also about to begin college and have never been in a relationship. However, I've always wanted a connection with someone. Perhaps a lack of romantic satisfaction in my life prompted these meaningless and bizarre intrusive thoughts?
Sorry if this question made anyone uncomfortable. I was certainly unsure about whether I should post this embarrassing thought, but I felt that I had to get it off my chest. As I said, It's been driving me nuts.
Would it be best for me to divert my attention from women and focus on doing well for myself? Could that help me shoo away some of these thoughts?
Also, does anyone know if self-guided cognitive behavioral therapy or mindfulness meditation could be solutions to my problem?
TL;DR: | I am morbidly afraid of my future girlfriend or spouse reminding me of my mother. How can I prevent these thoughts from unintentionally popping up? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27 M] with my ___ [29 F] 4 months in. About to engage in a long-distance need help!
POST: Interesting situation here. I've been dating this woman for about 4 months now... extremely concentrated dating. As we in we spend nearly every minute together. Work at the same place and meet up for coffee and lunch a lot, after work either going back to my place or hers and sleeping the night over. Rinse and repeat.
We are in love with each other deeply. We have taken each other to weddings, and are now meeting family and parents.
Her career just took a 100% happening turn whereby she will have to move 5 hours away for the next 6 years bar-none.
My career is more open and am about to nail down a job that will put me within 3.5 hours drive time.
Problem is this. I've moved before for a gal (5 year relationship) and although it was right after college and my career ended up being pretty good at said locale it still fell apart and I was left in a city where I didn't know too many people or family.
My new gf recently got out of a 3 year relationship... 2 years of which were long distance (like 14 hours drive time... a lot tougher).. and the long distance contributed to them breaking up.
I want to stay with her. Her career is going to be nuts to the point where I will have to be doing most of the visiting and driving to her which I'm totally ok with.
TL;DR: | Should I entertain the idea of moving for her in the near future instead of dragging this out to a 2+ year long distance thing. I'm afraid it will fall apart if we spend too much time doing a long distance thing. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My ex girlfriend is going to get engaged. What do I do?!
POST: I met this girl at band camp back in middle school. We became best friends. We also hooked up intermittently throughout high school. She was one of my first kisses. We then ended up dating for close to 3 years long distance during college (I lost my virginity to her). We talked every day, anywhere from 1-4 hours per day. Lots of phone sex.. Visited each other 1-2x per month.
But long distance started to become draining. It wasn't clear where we would be after college with work or graduate school. She was on the east coast, I was on the west coast. We ended up breaking up at the end of college, but we continued to hook up for a bit. She wanted bed time stories, etc. But I didn't want to do that unless we continued to date, so I became less available for her and she ended up dating somebody else.
We continued to talk pretty much every day, but as her new relationship became more serious, she started to emphasize that our relationship now is just as friends. We haven't spoken nearly as much the past several years because we get into fights often over her only wanting a friendship and not a relationship. Now we're each 28 and she's met this new person in her PhD program. They've been dating for 3 years and will likely get engaged. But she still talks to me a couple times a week. I feel like she's settling.
My issue is that I feel like if I accept their engagement and remain just a friend, it subordinates me and eliminates me as a potential partner. In a way, even though it's been so long now since we've dated, I feel rejected. We have so much history, it's hard for me to think objectively about the situation. I want her to be happy, but it's hard (if not impossible) for me to view her exclusively as "just a friend".
TL;DR: | Long time friend and ex-girlfriend is going to get engaged. We still talk regularly. I want her to marry me. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My little sister [18, F] is moving across the country next month and I [21, F] am having a difficult time not worrying about her.
POST: I have been protecting my little sister since the moment she was born. We had an abusive father, and I did everything I could to protect her from that. We rarely speak to him now, but I never stopped being protective of her.
Next month, she moves to one of the biggest (and most dangerous) cities in America to go to her dream college. I absolutely cannot stress how proud I am of her and how excited I am for her. I think it's so amazing and wonderful that she gets to go on this amazing adventure. But a big part of me is still terrified.
My sister is physically very strong, and has been since birth. Because of this, she thinks she's invincible. She's young, and I know this is a common affliction amongst teenagers, but she is not as tough as she thinks she is. I'm worried that she will assume this strength will save her and will get herself into potentially dangerous situations.
It's not that I don't trust her to make intelligent decisions, because I do. I just know how scatterbrained she can be. Half the time, she forgets to look before she crosses the street. Most of you have probably assumed which city she is moving too, and will probably agree that it's not the place to be an absent-minded pedestrian.
I have a lot of other concerns and they are honestly keeping me up at night. My brother also lives in this city, and that helps. But honestly, he's in his own world and I don't know if I can rely on him to keep an eye on her.
I know she's a smart kid. I know she's going to be fine, but I can't stop worrying about it. How do I put a stop to the mother tiger syndrome?
TL;DR: | My little sister is moving across the country. I'm excited for her, but I've been protecting her for her entire life and I can't stop stressing over the potential dangers of her new city. How do I stop worrying? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24F] with my boyfriend [31M] of 2 months, broke up because we weren't compatible.
POST: My boyfriend and I broke up because we really weren't compatible. We rushed into the relationship as we had fallen for each other very hard and fast. After a bit of time, we realized that we really weren't compatible as we argued so often and because we are both very fragile people, its toll on us.He told me that he had never fallen so hard for anybody and neither had I.
After the break up (3 weeks ago), he seemed to have moved on fast and is relieved that all the arguments are over. He tells me that still cares for me and wants to remain friends. I however am still so madly in love with him and am really struggling to move on. I miss him so much and I know It would break my heart if I were to find out he was seeing another girl in the future.
TL;DR: | How can I get over this while I am still on friendly terms with him? Would you have any suggestions as to how I could approach this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17 M] with my friend who is female and of romantic intent [16 F] couple of week, she says she needs time to figure out with her parents.
POST: I met this girl in drama club at school. I never have had a long standing girlfriend so im not very experienced in this stuff.
We started hanging out a lot outside of school. Eventually going to a concert where i kissed her. She was very receptive to my advances and it was going great. We were hanging out after school and things were just fantastic.
About a week ago we were hanging out in the parking lot of the YMCA, where we work out together. We were just chilling together in her car when her dad came and pulled up next to us. It was 8 and she was out pretty late we just lost track of time (we have great conversation). All he said was, "Its time to come home." I was terrified. so i said kissed her said good night and walked to my car.
After that night she became very distanced. she eventually texted me about how she, "Really likes me and loves hanging out with me", and how she doesn't want to make things worse with her parents. She doesn't want her parents to not want her to be with me. She said she wants to wait till its a better time. So until then we can just be friends. <-- That hurt.
I was extremely happy the way things where turning out and they just came to a sudden violent halt.
I kept talking to her to try and figure out why and she told me her dad yells a lot for no reason. I talked to her about her about it just tried to help her through it. Anyway I don't know if im just over thinking it or if shes just playing with me. Again im just a 17 year old idiot who knows nothing, but its been making me really sad and almost depressed. We used to text/snapchat constantly, but know i rarely hear from her. What do you guys think?
TL;DR: | A girl and I were going heavy, but she suddenly stopped it because of something with her parents. What do you guys think? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How do I gain weight when I have a super fast metabolism?
POST: Hey Reddit, I was reading FreshmanFightinThe15's post about getting in shape and was wondering how I could do the same, but gain weight. In my freshman year in college, I tried working out every day and drank protein shakes and ate a LOT of meat. The ending result was a gain of 5 pounds (I went from 120 to 125). There has to be a more efficient way of gaining weight right? I'm 5'10" and I know that I'm underweight; however, I am pretty healthy. I usually do hip hop dancing and play basketball at least 4 days of the week. What foods should I eat? What kind of work outs should I do? Oh yeah hopefully the foods are healthy foods, not food that will just give me a big gut.
TL;DR: | What foods should I eat and what work outs should I do to gain weight healthily (I have a super fast metabolism)? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: How long is 'too long' before meeting the parents?
POST: I've (29F) been with my SO (29M) for 9 months now. He's met 2 of my friends, and I've met one of his. He comes from a strict culture and religion (orthodox), however he himself is quite liberal and does not attach himself strongly to religion. I haven't met his family and i believe he has no intention to do so in the near future.
I moved home a couple months ago because of personal extenuating circumstances, and although he initially briefly met my parents, he expressed that he wasn't ready to be involved in the family.
He is very down to earth, outgoing, supportive, patient, tender, loving and compassionate. We've expressed our love for each other and do so regularly.
In the back of my mind, i can't help but think that maybe his family wouldn't approve of me (culturally/religiously/education/job), or that he just doesn't see commitment with me. We did previously break up for about a week because he Didn't know what the future held, but came back saying he loves be and he can't lose me.
Is 9 months too long? How do i respectfully bring up this issue in regards to his culture/religion? How do you know when the relationship Just won't move forward? I don't want to lose him, he's incredible and i love him, but i don't want to be a temporary fix. I think often that if i were a similar background; i would have met them by now. Am i just Ms right now?
TL;DR: | 9 months without family/friend integration; loving relationship, but stagnant. Is it because i don't fit the cultural /religious image? |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: Why has everyone abandoned me?
POST: Why has everyone abandoned me instead of doing for me what I've been doing for them for so many years?
Sometimes during my teenage years I noticed that many people feel very lonely.
I'm a woman, not particularly attractive, but all I had to do was show empathy and understanding for the guy and no beautiful woman stood a chance next to me.
And it worked even for friendships. As soon as I would show a guy or a girl that I am ready to listen to them and stand by them they would stick to me like glue.
I think this made me understand the incredible importance of human connection.
I believe I'm a highly emphatic person. Of course it's difficult to judge such a thing about myself but from how other people react and talk about me, I believe it to be true.
Once I spent 3 hours with a guy who was telling me how much he misses his ex. Fun times.
But then I got ill. So ill that I can't leave the apartment. I'm still the same person, equally fun as before, I just can't go out with them and I can't accommodate their schedule.
I haven't seen any of my "friends" for 3 years. At the beginning they visited me a few times, but very soon they got bored with it. I can actually kind of understand it, but what I can't understand is that they don't even send a text or call me once in a while.
Even if they weren't my friends, isn't that a common courtesy to do to someone who is in such a difficult situation?
And now I am that desperately lonely person. Sometimes a whole day passes that I don't see another human being. It feels like I'm drowning and no one cares.
Why are they so incapable to do for me what I've been doing for them all these years?
TL;DR: | I've been there for everyone in my life when they needed me, but now that I need them they've all disappeared. What have I done wrong? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Hey Reddit...would you stop talking to your best friend of the opposite sex if your SO asked you to?
POST: Ok so what had happened was... My girlfriend of 2 years (let's call her Karen) and my best friend of 10 years (we'll call her Danica) never got along from the first time they met. Karen always told me Danica had some feelings for me and flirted with me. I knew it was there but I chose to ignore and deny.
One night, Danica calls my phone blasting the "I don't like your girlfriend" song by Avril Lavigne. It's late at night but I was up studying and Karen just crawled in bed next to me and heard the song through the speaker because I had to pull the phone away from my ear since it was so loud.
A couple days later, I confronted Danica about this and she stated it was a joke and she apologized. We ended up not very much talking for a few months afterwards.
Time went by, I randomly texted Danica to see how she was and what she was up to. She asked who it was. Come to find out, she deleted my number and said she decided it would just be easier on me since she knew every time Karen and I brought Danica's name up, it resulted in an argument. I insisted we stay friends no matter what and I'll just deal with Karen's getting upset.
Several months later, still very little talking going on, I moved out of state for a semester of school and Karen stayed back home. On a road trip out to California (where I was flying to school from) Karen and I found out she is pregnant. Woo!
A week or 2 later, I'm in school and start talking to Danica again, mostly texting. I bring this up to Karen, she begins to get upset again, ignored me all yesterday, and is now making me choose between being with her or staying friends with Danica.
I love Karen and our bundle on the way, but it's still hard to give up a 10 year friendship.
Any similar experiences and/or advice?
TL;DR: | My pregnant girlfriend wants me to stop talking to my best friend because of some feelings that came up from my friend. What to do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18F] and a guy that i like very much [23 M] talk a lot on kik but i feel like he sometimes ignores me, could it be because i am needy?
POST: okay as you can see i am a teenager and i might sound imature and super childish for some of you. but truth is that i am very insecure (feel ugly and pointless and etc) and needy (i need people all the time to tell me i look cute and that i am smart etc-need validation). this super hot guy who i am chatting with on kik is so nice to me and seems to love my body so much and my looks in general. we also talk about other things (not just naughty chats). but i seem to get a little obsessed sometimes and message him a lot and he replies me short answers and seems just sick of me. maybe i am exaggerating..? but never been in a relationship and when i talk to a guy even on the internet i feel so excited and stuff. should i just give him space and stop messaging him and when i do just naughty stuff?
TL;DR: | ! i(F18) sometimes feel like i message him(M23) too much and he doesn't reply me but the message has been seen. that hurts me so much. maybe i should give him space? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Help me identifying what lexical technique I am using.
POST: Ok so I am currently writing a commentary for a Review I wrote for the game Minecraft, in this commentary I am required to analyse the techniques I used in my writing. Now I am not very good at this and require your help to identify if I used some sort of technique. Right I start off my review with "If ever the phrase "never judge a book by its cover" could be more appropriate, Minecraft takes first place!" Now I was wondering if the never judge a book by its cover bit is some sort of technique... Any help would be appreciated :)
TL;DR: | Is there a lexical technique used in this line, "If ever the phrase "never judge a book by its cover" could be more appropriate, Minecraft takes first place!" |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: 28m late bloomer, needing help with getting past the first date
POST: I recently had to take a break from dating over the winter while I was in basic training(non-US military). I've never been great at dating and was definitely a late bloomer in that regard. However i was improving and getting much better with women before leaving. Some parts of my past have been alittle sketchy(I was never an addict or have any demons hiding in the closet). But I did do things like work at a sketchy strip club to get buy, got kicked out a apartment(staff housing) and lived in my car for a short time, experimented with drugs, fights etc, but that is all in the past.
At the beginning of May I arrived in my current city and found out that this will be my posting for the next 4 years(longest I stayed anywhere since I was 18) and probably more. I'm getting settled and looking to buy a house here.
In the end I'm looking for a relationship but have trouble getting pass the texting phase or first date(I do online dating) In a one case we got drunk and sleep together but I wasn'tinterested. Also I have a date coming with someone I'm excited to meet for the first time in a long time.
Does anyone have any advice on things I should/shouldn't do to help get a second date or prevent things from falling flat before the first date.
TL;DR: | Late bloomer always had trouble getting second dates. Takes a break to join military, finally has life sorted out. Needs advice on getting second dates. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: (18M) So there's this girl (19F) that I'm crushing on but there's a guy that complicates things.
POST: For the past 2 months, I've talking to this girl and recently I've started to like her. We sit next to each other everyday in one class and we started talking when we did group work. Eventually, I found out she was in another one of my classes (lecture) and we would often talk about that class as well, but wouldn't sit together (again, because we didn't know we had the class together until like last month). So I really started to grow attracted to her the more we talked. I feel like she responds well whenever I talk to her and was actually about to ask her on a date but then something got in the way.
There's this dude in our lecture class that sat next to her and sits next to her everyday. He's not in our first class, but he is in the lecture. I noticed that they're often together and talking and was starting to think that maybe he's her boyfriend or something, and that maybe she was just being friendly with me.
Then, recently, she moved from all the way across the lecture room to come sit with me and I was beginning to think that she for sure is also interested in me. But sure enough, he followed.
It had crossed my mind that maybe he's just a really good friend and maybe they just hang out a lot (I have this type of relationship with another female friend from HS), but somehow, I still have my doubts. For example, today, after lecture, her and I had a review session for an exam coming up. I figured "Ok, it'll just be us 2 going back to our dorms where the review session was, and I'll just ask her then." I didn't expect it but again, the dude followed. It seems like they were going to study or MAYBE hang out, but I'm not sure. Well, him tagging along is what ultimately made me not ask her.
So I don't know. What do you all think/recommend I should do?
Am I just over-thinking things? (as I tend to do)
Should I just make my move without worrying about possibly being in an awkward situation?
TL;DR: | Chick I like, feels like she likes back, but hangs out with a dude A LOT, not sure if boyfriend. What do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 F] with my [22 M] boyfriend of 6 years... Am I overreacting?
POST: I have a feeling I'm overreacting about this, but I wanted to get some other opinions. For the most part my boyfriend is pretty shy, although he does love to hang out with friends and be social sometimes, it just depends on his mood. In high school we were both more flirtatious but as we have grown up and matured neither of us are like that anymore. He does not flirt with other girls (to my knowledge, obviously) but I really believe he doesn't because it's just something he isn't comfortable with socially.
Anyway. Lately on Reddit I've been noticing him commenting on a gaming subreddit. He is a big gamer so that isn't particularly weird but a lot of the comments are on pictures on anime cosplayers naked or close to it. These are not women he knows, but I wouldn't call them "famous" either, more like well known in that community. The girls in the pictures are not the posters, so he isn't commenting to them directly but his comments are always things like "I would let her sit on my face all night" or "any more pictures with her in them? I'm so thirsty right now." For some reason seeing this stuff really bothers me. Should it?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend comments on pictures of girls saying how sexy they are and what he would do to them, should I be upset? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [30 M] am having confusing feelings about a recent short-term ex [late 20s M]; how do I navigate this?
POST: We met in mid-November, spent basically all our time together. He's the first person I have connected with like this in maybe close to five years. We agreed to be exclusive, after I initiated the conversation, during mid/late December.
There was a lot of really good stuff, loved spending time with him. Sex was not the best either of us had ever had, but that might be something that could improve (only happened a couple times). Spent holidays together, it was mostly great.
Then for NYE, he told me he had made plans and didn't invite me until after I had made other plans. It wasn't a big deal; we decided to hang out beforehand. Then after dinner on NYE, he says he wants to continue dating but isn't into being exclusive. I clarify that, at this point, that's important to me, and I'm not interested in dating him anymore if he wants to see/screw other people. (I don't know if he was talking about dating or just sex, my feelings about them would be different, but ultimately, at this point, same conclusion). So I leave, sad about it but I still manage to have a fun NYE, haven't seen him again.
He calls a couple weeks later to ask me to hang out, to do something we had made plans to do before. I decline, we were never friends, and the fact that we aren't dating anymore doesn't make us friends now. I remember the nice stuff about dating him, and it makes me sad that we aren't having those nice times anymore. He apologizes for opening up fresh wounds; I tell him that I know where to find him if I change my mind.
**Tonight!**: I get a text saying "i miss you. you're all i think about. you're a wonderful human being." (What does this meeeean?) I didn't see it till a few hours later, non-responded "how can i respond to that," and now, since apparently he's asleep and i have time to figure out what to say, i'd like to get some input and figure out how i can respond to that.
TL;DR: | what to say/what to consider when someone you dated briefly but intensely, and whom you miss, texts "i miss you. you're all i think about"? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is he being jealous or is he right?
POST: Novelty account since the person I'm seeing is a fellow redditor
I'm going to try to keep this post as short as possible without leaving any important details out. I've been talking to this guy for only about 3 months now, but the pace picked up awfully fast especially when he started asking where "we" were going after the first time we slept together. He seemed genuinely worried about the subject and, while I reassured him that I do like him, I told him we will cross that bridge when we find it.
So some time passes and the subject of "us" and how he wants to be serious is continually brought up. Eventually I ask him to officially be my boyfriend, I figured that might make his confidence a bit stronger and plus, I really did like him. I wanted to date him.
After 3 days he broke up with me saying that he had to handle some personal issues. While it seemed like a bullshit reason at first I respected it and told him we should still be close.
Now however, he is constantly assuming that any interaction I have with a man is flirtatious. He constantly criticizes my body language and we will get into huge fights about the subject quite often. He keeps pointing out everything I do wrong and reads over my shoulder as I text other people.
TL;DR: | No matter how much reassuring or how much I focus on him, he focuses only on the negative. Is he jealous or is this a legitimate way of handling things? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Keeping my rooms secure from my housemate?
POST: So i've been sharing house with three people for about 8-9 months. One guy who was my friend when i moved in has turned out to be a lying sneaky bastard. He also is absolutely selfish. In the beginning he had parties several times a week, one which resulted in my room being flooded with water from the upstairs bathroom. He used to hide bills from us, and unless you could prove he had to pay something or do something he would just lie to get away. And he's in some legal battle with a previous housemate. He's recently had problems paying his rent and the landlord wants him out, but the landlord is also lazy so it hasn't happened yet (the rest of us were hoping he would get kicked out). And three weeks ago a laptop got stolen from another housemate.
SO, until i find a new place to live, i want to keep my room secure. I already installed a lock on the outside of my door and a latch on the inside. But this guy also likes to pick locks so i'm not 100% sure this would keep him out. So i was thinking a camera in my room, or if anyone knows a really good lock?
TL;DR: | my housemate is an asshole, i need to secure my room until i can move out. Ideas about locks or cameras? Or hey, any ideas how to efficently get back at him are welcome to. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: To those who think the world owes them something...
POST: We come into this life not deserving of anything. We don't deserve the good, but we also don't deserve the bad. 'Life' is just your experiences, it's your memories. You have to take what you get, and strive for what you want. Just because you may be a kind, selfless person doesn't mean you should expect every day to come with a basket full of butterflies and rainbows, so don't have a fit when it doesn't. Someone will always be more fortunate than you, but remember that you will always be more fortunate than someone else. Appreciate the good that has come into your life and don't dwell on the bad. *Shit*, appreciate that you have a life to live in the first place, because currently being alive already makes you more fortunate than a countless amount of others.
TL;DR: | The world doesn't owe you shit. Make life what you want it to be or something cheesy like that. I don't know. K bye. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Suggest a good college course?
POST: Hey I am an 18 year old Canadian kid. And I want to go to college but I am not entirely sure what for. I already went to college for a semester but ultimately I didn't want to do the course.
The course was Networking. I am a bit of a computer geek but I don't have any interest in pursuing a career in it. It's more of a hobby and I felt that working on computers would ultimately ruin my hobby of playing on them. (I already was starting to dread going home to my computer from just doing the course)
I was thinking about taking the course "Child and Youth Worker" but when I went back to my high school to talk to the teacher in the position I wanted to work at and she told me to take the course. But I told her specifically I don't want to deal with kids that have severe mental disabilities just kids that had minor ones like ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia, or behavior problems like the students she had taught. I feel like I would do good in this position, but she told me I will have to eventually deal with kids that have bad mental disabilities (from my understanding of what she was telling me). But it also sounded like she said meant it depended on the position I got at a school or other center. I also talked to the professor that taught this at my previous school and she told me that it had changed and that an Educational Assistant is what the old CYW course is. If people could give me some instance of their experience in this field I would appreciate it.
I was also thinking about just taking a course in the skilled trades, such as electrician or plumber but I am not really all that handy.
TL;DR: | I want to go to college for a non-tech related thing. Kind of want to do something in child development but don't want to deal with bad mental illnesses. Maybe do a trade? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 F] with my boyfriend [26 M] of 3 years. I have gained some weight that I want to lose but my friends acts sad that he would miss my butt! [NSFW]
POST: EDIT: made typo on title... it should say boyfriend not friends
Me and Nick have been together since 3 years ago. When we met me I was very thin and had lost 20 lbs since high school. He had never seen me at that heavier weight before or any pictures, so he just met me when I was skinny. I am 5'8'' but I have a big bone structure so it doesn't look so visible to gain or lose 10 lbs. I also gain most of the weight in my hips and butt when I do gain weight and my stomach usually remains flat. However around 8 months ago I gained a lot of weight due to stress and antidepressants. I went from being 125 lbs at 5'8'' to 155 lbs in a few months. I felt very insecure about the gain weight, but my boyfriend loved how my butt and hips got so much bigger! Our sex life became different and he was really into my butt and hips! However, I like to go back to my normal weight and have started to diet and exercise. My boyfriend says he loves that I am taking caring of my body but says can I just lose wieght on my waist and stomach and keep my butt and hips the same. I tell him that is not possible to lose weight only in one area. He keeps looking sad that I will not have the same butt and hip if I lose weight and he is not telling me not to lose weight but I feel bad and am afraid he would not be so much into me anymore if lose all my weight. I don't know what I should do.
TL;DR: | I have gained weight and want to lose it but my boyfriend acts sad that I will no longer have big butts and hips! |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: Why spend time with a friend instead of a friend you're also attracted to?
POST: I (50M) have a beautiful friend (42F). Unfortunately for me she only wants to be friends. She has no problem being with whoever she wants so I can only assume I don't make the attractiveness cut. Such is life. So I tell my heart to stop daydreaming and put effort into online dating.
Here's what I don't understand. I'm not particularly special, seriously, I'm not. She can easily find people who are attractive and have all my positive attributes. Yet she spends a lot of her rare free time, she's a single mom, alone with me doing couples stuff. For example sipping wine and falling asleep in my arms while we're watching a movie on the sofa. Or texting to tell me that she misses me and wants to have dinner at a newly opened romantic restaurant. Can you explain why she spends her time with me, when she could be spending her time with somebody that she's also attracted to?
TL;DR: | why would a woman with plenty of options spend her time doing couples stuff with a guy who's only a friend? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [30's F] with my Potential Employer [40's M] newly acquainted, But I'm a bit creeped out - Non-Romantic/Professional
POST: I applied to a job that sounded great, as they always do. It still does, but when I got through the personality tests, uploaded my resume, and finally made contact with the employer, things got weird.
He asked tough questions, and mentioned he would definitely call everyone on my resume. This seemed weird, as he hadn't asked for references yet, and I don't know of anyone who provides every single previous employer - nor do I know of anyone who has a good rapport with 100% of their previous employers. So, after 2 days of phone interviews, his secondary asks me for my references.
I provide 2 business and 1 personal, because they didn't specify a number etc. He specifically asks for an additional contact, from my resume, which I provided.
After 4 days of this, he asks for a face to face meeting, which I accepted. He begins to tell me about the companies he spoke to, that I didn't provide, and how he thought it was weird that one wouldn't tell him any details about me - only my dates of employment. I'm pretty sure that's due to the NDA we both signed, so legally that was all they (or i) could discuss, as is the case with a LOT of companies. This didn't stop him from basically guiding me down a road of questions intended to make me tell him things I signed a letter stating I wouldn't.
Now, I wouldn't even take the job if he offered, this level of "vetting" is creepy and feels like a giant invasion of privacy. I'm concerned about who else he might have called that I didn't specifically provide, including the company I currently contract with. I'm also curious if he ended up reaching someone other than HR at the company I had the NDA with, and if someone broke it. (It was a harassment thing - where I was being harassed, and it was several years ago, and the only time in my life anything like that had happened - but it looks like i'm being punished for it, even though I was the one being harassed!?)
TL;DR: | How much of my privacy is a potential employer legally allowed to invade during their "vetting" process? Am I wrong to feel really creeped out right now? |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Dinner with my boss
POST: I'm not sure if this is the correct subreddit to ask this in, and if it isn't please direct me to the correct one.
Anyway, I have been with this company for 3 months and tonight my department is going out to a farewell dinner for one of the other employees. Our boss is setting everything up and its going to be us plus our SO's. All in all it sounds like its just going to be very casual.
At the same time, this is the first outing I will have with any of the people in my department and I want to make a good impression. I'm not exactly sure what to wear; at work we just wear jeans and t-shirts, so I am thinking maybe jeans and a polo, or maybe a button down shirt to look a little nicer, thoughts?
Another question is if I should drink or not. I could pound beers with the best of them, but I have always made it a point to only drink with friends, not with coworkers because, well, you never know what could be said and I work with these people. However, the boss and everyone else seem like they enjoy drinking with each other so it might be expected. So should I just go with the flow?
And last, how much should I be expected to pay? I obviously won't be expected to pick up the tab for everyone since i am the newest member of the team and most likely paid less than everyone else, but I think maybe I should at least offer to pay for myself and my wife, even though the boss invited everyone. What do you think?
TL;DR: | boss invited department to dinner, it will be my first outing with the department. What should I wear, should I drink if they do, and should I offer to pay? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend is awesome except he's completely broke. All. The. Time.
POST: Let me start by saying that I [27] love my boyfriend [29] of one and a half years very much. As far as personality/physical attractiveness goes, he's perfect. He is very loving, kind, understanding, and sexy.
His job is aweful; he makes about $90/wk. He lives at his job, so has a free apartment, but his take home is barely anything. He has a phone and credit card bill every month and most of the money he makes goes towards that. He also attends college and has it paid for by grants.
I am not the type of lady that needs lots of attention financially. I do not crave jewelry, expensive gifts, or getaways. I'd rather recieve a gift that was hand made like art or a song.
With that said, I am starting to resent my boyfriend for never having any money. I pay for almost everything. Sometimes, I truly don't mind paying. I know he is in a tight spot financially and understand he can't just go do something on a whim because of his finances. I do feel like if I don't pay for certain things, we wouldn't be able to go out and do things and I get a little depressed if I stay in too often. I am a homebody by nature, but I do crave interaction with others.
I just lent him a large sum of money and we made a payment plan, but now something else has come up and I'm not sure he'll be able to pay me back. I'm nervous I wont see that money again.
Should I just not care because I love him? We plan on moving in together when he finds a new job. We talk marriage, kids, having a life together.
What do I do? How can I stop resenting him for being broke? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I want my money back eventually and I want him to pay for some things so I don't feel like I'm supporting him and he's just leeching off of me.
I'm not trying to sound like a jerk. I hope I didn't come across that way.
TL;DR: | My loving boyfriend is extremely broke. I pay for most things and am starting to resent him. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [19F] girlfriend was drunk and told me her guy friend fills an emotional void when I'm [22M] not there
POST: So my girlfriend, Ally, and I have been dating for about a month and a half now. She has a friend named Dan, who, up until last night, I thought was just her friend, but that changed. Ally and I were drinking last night (probably the 5th time she's drank in her life) and she got really wasted and told me that last week when Dan and some other friends visited her (I knew about this), her and Dan were in a study room and he kept telling her that she's beautiful and wants to be with her.
He also said, according to Ally, "Your boyfriend doesn't have to know" and tried to kiss her and she didn't let him and he kept on saying that she should be with him, not me. She told him to stop and he kept insisting so she just left the room and went back to the group. He also told her not to tell anyone in the group or me on what just happened.
Now he also plans on visiting her this week, alone, and wants to stay and before I found out what he did, I had no problem with it because I thought they were just friends. And I trust Ally completely because (she tends to be extremely honest when drunk) that she really cares about me and only wants to be with me. But now, I honestly don't want him to visit because what he did is just fucked and I don't want someone like that around my girlfriend.
But the part that hurt me the most was, again last night when we were drunk, I asked why she wants Dan to visit, and she said that while I'm not there (because I'm working during the week and studying as well, I visit on the weekends), she needs someone to "be there for her". I told her that I'm doing the best I can by visiting whenever I have free time, but she says that he's always there for her as well. It kinda just broke me inside.
How do I deal with this? I'm getting to the point where breaking up with her is the only option because I'm not going to compete with some other guy for my relationship. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend has guy friend that fills emotional void and is visiting her this week, she told me when drunk that he makes her feel good emotionally. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (m 22) girlfriend (f 20) of 7 months confessed that she has feelings for another guy, but has never acted on them or told the man in question.
POST: I should preface this with the fact that my girlfriend and I have a healthy, honest relationship and it has all really been a blast. I love the girl. I walked into her room after taking a shower this afternoon and noticed her sitting on the bed, blank stare. I ask what's going on and if she wants to talk about anything and she starts to tear up.
She works up the courage to say that she feels so unworthy and she doesn't deserve a guy that bends over backwards for her and puts her before himself and that she feels selfish. I sat down next to her and try cheering her up, asking why she thinks that. At this point she is crying softly as she speaks. She tells me that she wants to be completely honest and that she has feelings for a guy she knows, though she has never brought it up to the guy or done anything. She told me that she loved me and couldn't hold in the guilt of being attracted to another. We have been very honest with each other and I trust her word that she did not cheat.
Basically what I told her was that you can't help having feelings, only not to act on them and try to make the friendship platonic if it is one worth keeping. We talked it over for a while and decided everything is alright, I'm glad that she's honest with me, etc.
What I'm asking, reddit, is where do I go from here? I trust her and don't want to be this restricting partner that tells her who she can and can't be friends with, but I'm worried about being too much of a pushover by doing nothing at all. I would love some outside opinions. Thank you!
TL;DR: | Girlfriend tells me she has feelings for another guy, but wouldn't ever pursue them. I think it's mostly alright and we both still want this to keep working out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Stuck on a trip with friends who doesnt seem to want me there
POST: So I agreed to travelling numerous countries by train with a friend and his two pals for 30 days. Of course I knew his friends before somewhat but it turns out we're not really compatible in the way thay we should be travelling 30 days together all over Europe. We're all 22 years old.
I can't reallt dip out now, been planning this for so long and put down effort and lots of money and have no desire of going alone.
They're not really mean to me, but I can definitely feel I'm not wanted. Whenever we're walking somewhere they're doing minor stuff like walking 3 in a row and blocking me out making me walk behind. And they take those small chances of walking faster than me to avoid having me too close, altho they would never walk off without me entirely.
The one friend I initially agreed to travel with seems rather careless about it and barely speaks to me at all unless necessary and in which cases its like nothing happened. If it's me talking I am very easily ignored by all 3 unless I raise my voice rather much. And I am almost always spoken over, giving me no room to say anything without re-saying it like three times.
TL;DR: | travelling european countries for 30 days with people who shows little interest in having me around, cant just ditch them and needs some help on how to handle the situation |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What decision would you think other people will say that it's stupid if they are not in your place? I'll start.
POST: A friend of mine is a really good programmer since he's still in school, after graduating, he applied to a software company and in the interview he states about his programming skills, and expecting to do developing if his application is considered (this company has a bond varying in duration for all employees). He got accepted to the company as an entry level software engineer with a fairly high salary for such level. When he started, he learned that he was assigned to software quality assurance, basically, no coding, all testing and logging every bugs, etc. This really pissed him off, he purposely failed the training to search for a job that will suit him, he's now working for the competitor of his previous company.
TL;DR: | Programmer friend learned he was assigned as a tester on his starting day, fails his training to GTFO as early as possible from the company. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: 19[m] Potential first relationship. How do I proceed?
POST: Have a class with this girl [19], we have some things in common and we've been friendly in class for the large part of the semester.
Recently during a study session I felt like I had signs that she could like me more, and I always felt positively about here.
I've chatted with her for the past couple days/ fairly short conversations but she seems to laugh at most things I say in a playful way. Just got her phone number 2 days or so ago and I've been cautiously playful (imo) with my texting.
TL;DR: | How do I get a relationship started quickly and successfully with only 2 weeks left until summer then we will be living 30 minute drive away until the fall. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Social Security is stopping my 74 y/o mother's benefits until she pays $20,000...
POST: This is a complicated months-long story. I tried to make it as brief as possible, but... thanks for taking the time to read it.
My mother is 74 years old. Both she and my younger brother are on survivor's disability through my deceased father. My brother found a job and makes decent money -- not great. 18k a year takehome. He was confused by the 9-months-and-off plan.
He offered to make restitution payments to Social Security, and they went so far as to request his information, etc.
We were going to make sure the full debt was paid off in the 3 year period.
He did not receive anything after submitting his information, and we assumed that they were still deciding on amounts and going through his assets, etc.
Cut to today: My mother received a letter stating that her benefits are suspended (my brother's already are, which is fine and expected) until the overpayment is paid in full.
She is 74 and cannot work. He is working. I am working as well, and was willing to pay what they could not, but even I don't have 20k at my disposal in a lump sum.
None of us own houses or have other collateral.
It's important to stress that we are not trying to job the system. My brother was confused (and frankly so was I), and when made aware of it he did everything they asked to set up a repayment plan.
They told him that it should not be an issue if he makes his payments monthly and the balance is paid in full in 36 months or less.
Thoughts?
TL;DR: | Social Security is taking away my 74 year old benefits because of an overpayment to my brother that both of them were willing to re-pay from the beginning. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Hey Reddit, what was your worse (best) "I'm an idiot" moment?
POST: I'll start it off: I was in the my Business College building waiting for a meeting that I'm required to attend for me to receive my final grade. The building is pretty large in stature and the elevator was out. I knew the meeting was on the 5th floor, so I began my hike up the steps. I search for the room up and down the hallways, no dice. Where hell is this place? Then it hit me, 7th floor. Of course, how could I have been so stupid? I head on up and begin my search anew. Nothing. Being the awkward penguin that I am, I don't ask anyone where this room is. I check the clock, shit, I'm late. I sprint down the steps figuring I'll just start on the first floor and work my way up. I reach the first floor and stop dead in my tracks. There it was..........exactly where I'd been waiting.
TL;DR: | I was almost missed my required meeting because I couldn't find the room, only to realize that I had been waiting outside of it before I started. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 M] with my SO [23 M] of 18 months, found out he's cheating. Want to break up today. Please, how do I handle this?
POST: I just found evidence my SO is cheating on me. I'm the only one awake at this moment but his mom is the first one to get up and get to work. I see her as my own mother. Do I tell her her son has been cheating on me and say goodbye? Do I just thank her for everything? Do I act as if nothing happened, talk to her son when he's up and just dissapear out of her life before she's back from work?
I don't know if I should have a conversation with him about the cheating and ask about his feelings or details and go through the tears and apologies or just simply say I know and leave his life like that just after he wakes up. I'm so worried he'll do something stupid after the breakup, he's all alone at home when I leave during the day. I'm so devastated.
TL;DR: | SO is cheating, want to break up the moment he wakes up. Conversation or just coldly leave, say bye to his mom or just dissappear out of her life? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Neighbor problems
POST: Just now, some woman from 3 floors down came up to my apartment. She asked if there were problems going on here in the mornings. Naturally, I was ridiculously confused. She said there is some kind of banging sound, as if someone is dropping dumbells, or a safe(o_o), at around 7:00AM every morning, which lasts for an hour or more. All of the apartments along the same line, up to hers, can hear it, and complain, according to her. I assured her that everyone either left for work or school, and that I would know if there was this intense noise going on that she, being 3 floors down, could hear.
She had an extreme attitude, and I could tell by her tone and the way she was looking at me that she thought I was lying to her. She said that whatever it was needed to stop, or the police would get involved. Again, it was like talking to a wall. I told her it was impossible, even IF someone were dropping a dumbbell on the floor, that she, 3 huge floors down, could hear it. I told her to take it up with the super, because it could be the pipes or something. At this point, she said that she had studied sound waves in college and that she was certain it wasn't pipes, but the vibrations in the building from someone in our apartment dropping something. I know nothing will happen with the police, but I am very curious as to what the sound is, because it is 100% not from my apartment. I really want her to feel like a moron for so adamantly accusing me for the noise.
So, what could it be?
TL;DR: | Neighbor from **3 floors down** can hear some banging, thinks I'm throwing a safe/weights at the floor every morning at 7. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [31F] with my relative [36F], I am likely calling CPS next week. Trying to navigate through this mess and do what's best for child [5F]. Any advice is appreciated. UPDATE
POST: I hope I am updating in the correct format...
Hi All! Original OP is here...
So, I did make the phone call to Child Protective Services on my cousin. Really the only thing to report is that she did get her registered for school after CPS paid her a visit. CPS did not remove her from the home, but is supposed to make weekly visits to check on the child and to see if my cousin makes any improvements to their lives. My mother spoke with my cousin's father and said that it was a "wake-up call for everyone"....whatever that means. I mean, who doesn't do the bare fucking minimum for a child??? CPS also said that they would follow up with me and they never did.
So, I've spoken with several members of my extended family and they are in support of my decision to make the call. My cousin believes that my mother called. So far there hasn't been any trouble with my cousin, however, I told my mom that if there is she can feel free to tell her it was me. I'm too far out of patience with her and really could care less if she gets her butt hurt over it.
So, I really just wanted to thank everyone for all of the encouragement, kind words and empathy that you've shown. No matter what the circumstances are, it really is a very hard thing to do. I am really proud of myself for taking that step and I hope that I never have to do that again...but I will if necessary.
TL;DR: | I called CPS on my cousin. She finally registered her child for school and will have weekly visits from CPS for the time being. Thank you all for the support! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [26F] think my boyfriend [26M] of 1 year might be doing something shady/ lying about his phone
POST: Bf and I have been doing long distance for 3 months now and we always call each other before we go to sleep, even if we've talked to each other earlier in the day. For the first time, we did not talk before going to sleep. I was worried about his safety as he was doing a road trip alone, and wasn't sure if he made it back to his hotel safely. I tried calling a couple times over an hour and a half. Each time, his phone rang and went to voicemail. I did not hear from him all night.
He called me this morning to say that he was sorry that he missed my calls, but his phone was dead and he didn't charge it until this morning. This is weird because in my experience, if a cell phone is dead the call will go straight to voicemail. It will not ring and then go to voicemail.
I wonder if he might be lying about the phone being dead because it rang and went to vm. This was an iPhone 5. Could someone more tech savvy point me in the right direction? Is this possible with an iPhone? I have already made a brief post on r/
TL;DR: | wondering if bf lied about phone being dead. Can iPhone calls ring and go to voicemail when dead? Or do they go straight to voicemail? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19F] - clueless or normal when it comes to dating him [20M]/anyone?
POST: hey guys, I figured I could use some outside perspective on dating/this particular situation. Currently, I have been hanging out with a guy who asked for my number 2 weeks ago. It was really sweet - we would just talk, cuddle, and hold hands and ended up being intimate after a week of consistently seeing eachother (about 8 dates in). He says he likes me and wants to continue seeing me, but doesn't want anything serious [what does this mean?? Does he just want sex?]. There is also only 3 weeks of school left, which doesn't lend itself to this situation. Is this how college dating works? I understand that it is too quick to make a commitment and I should let things progress as they may/I don't want to commit yet either, but is this how all dating works? I'm terribly confused.
TL;DR: | I don't think I know what I'm doing/what to expect with regards to dating people in college. I'm actually completely clueless. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: [16M] She said maybe she was interested, unsure how to proceed with my pursuit of happiness.
POST: There is a girl of the same age (16) in my history class (I'll call her Jenny) that I have feelings for. She is quite beautiful, smart etc. (all the corny) stuff but she is also somewhat distant and I find it hard to communicate with her. I've noticed that whenever I'm around she acts a little odd and if I walk by she seems to "half-look" for a moment before I catch her eye. I haven't really talked to her (on occasion about trivial things just to spark conversation) but this sort of thing has been going on for a while. The other day I asked Jenny a hypothetical question (probably a bad move but I'm not all too experienced with such things) about whether or not she would be interested, and she said maybe. We both then smiled and went our separate ways. I also gave her my number but didn't receive any texts from her during the past weekend, which put me off somewhat. However, when I returned to school she continued what I had mentioned before, so once again I was left confused. Finally today I played it casually and asked if I could have her number, in which she hesitated sightly, so I told her "No worries, I wouldn't want to be pushy". We then smiled at each other and laughed a bit then went our separate ways. As the situation stands I am quite confused as to what I should do? Give up or keep trying?
Some spare info:
*I know most of her "friends" (People she associates with) but not well enough that I'd really want to discuss it with one of them. I might if it seemed like a way to move things along so to speak.
*I consider myself a pretty kind and caring individual, I am also in good shape and am quite well known among the social circles that she and I are associated with (Sorry if I sound egotistical)
*This has happened to me once before but the girl in the past case had been one that would lead you on and I would rather not misread any signals
[
TL;DR: | ]: Girl said maybe to being interested, have had some further interaction and not sure whether to proceed or stop the pursuit of happiness |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Going from a chef to Software Development
POST: Hello, kind people. So basically I'm a 24-year-old chef. I'm on a degree course in my second year(BSc Applied Computing degree.
So I have gained an HNC in Software Development (will gain an HND after the second year) and a vendor certificate. Plus most importantly I love what I'm learning. I absolutely love the whole debugging code and trying to get it to work. It makes it difficult to sometimes go into work, to be honest.
My question is I don't know if my current job has many transferable skills related to Software Development which actually scares me. Do you think this is so? Also, would you in my position try to leave the world of cheffing for a more techy job before looking for an internship/future Software job? (My only worry with this option is it's quite difficult to find any local jobs in admin/helpdesk work and I don't feel qualified at all for even the lowest tier of IT positions).
I'm going through local software companies and emailing them about the prospect of getting some work experience days at a few them. My course has a mandatory summer work experience between 3rd and 4th year but I thought it'd be good for me and my CV to get some before looking for internships.
Plus over the next few months, I've made a detailed list of goals and aims when it comes to coding and that to try and build a little portfolio of programs. Also, I've booked an appointment at my universities careers centre to discuss my CV and gain their insight.
TL;DR: | Worried I have no skills anyone will want and at 24 it'll be a hard to slog to get those skills. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My ex (18/M) had sex with me (19/F) and acts like we're together but told me he doesn't have feelings for me
POST: We were each other's "first love" and dated for a year on and off. We broke up 6 months ago because he found out I moved on during one of our on-off periods.
After that, we went no contact after breaking up and he considered my moving on as cheating on him. We still ended on decently good terms and he recently reached out to me. I still have pretty heavy feelings for him.
He initially told me he was over me and would not talk to me if I tried to get with him, yet he started flirting with me. We started talking a lot and he asked to see me, and we had sex.
I still love him and I thought that maybe there still were feelings there. He honestly acts like he has feelings towards me; He wants to talk to me all the time and acts better towards me now than he did when we were dating. He flirts with me and facetimes me constantly so he can see my face everyday. Things like that.
Today I brought up how he told me he wouldn't talk to me if I tried to get with him, yet here he was trying to get with me? I pushed him on the subject and he told me he is over me but I make him horny.
I don't know what to think. It feels like we broke up all over again, but worse because this time he doesn't want me back. To me, I would never be able to find my ex attractive and have sex with them if I don't have feelings for them. My friends think he's only saying he doesn't have feelings for me so that we don't end up getting back together, since it's a bad idea due to our history. I don't know what to think.
Is it actually possible? To treat a girl like you care about her and want to see her and talk to her all the time, to do all that but not care about her more than as a sex object? Please give me your insight
TL;DR: | My ex acts like we're in a relationship and all lovey dovey but told me he's over me, is he telling the truth or putting a barrier between us so we don't get back together? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by Playing the Movie "Annie".
POST: This TIFU is currently unfolding right in front of my eyes, and there's really nothing I can do about it from complete and total shock.
A little tidbit about myself: I'm an office manager for a counseling service during the day.
So, this morning started out as usual; the therapists come in, look over their schedules, I put a movie on the TV, and proceed to browse Reddit while they are in session. All is well in the world of prissypuff as I'm browsing subreddits and my bosses are in their offices.
About 20 minutes ago; the first movie of the day, Happy Feet, was over and I go out put on movie two, the seemingly inoffensive movie of a rags-to-riches orphan girl, Annie. As I'm walking back to my office, I notice one of the people in the waiting room glaring at me. Thinking that since this is a counseling service, this person is probably just having a bad day, I proceed to give him the biggest dumbfuck megawatt grin I can muster and scurry back to my office.
As soon as I hear the first song of the movie start up, realization sets in and I realize what horror I just brought upon myself and my bosses.
I feel now is the time to mentioned that a few of the clients in the waiting room are children in a local group home, and they are here because they have been deemed "unadoptable"; so they need counseling for behavioral issues.
That's why I received the glare from hell from who I now know is the guardian for these kids; and now he probably thinks I am the biggest asshat on the planet for that shiteating grin I gave him as he was trying to subtly show me that this may not be the best thing to play right now.
TL;DR: | ♫It's the hard-knock life for the kids I just colossally insulted 2 hours into my day♫ |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22M] mother [44F] sees me as a failure and disappointment
POST: All this happened and started because I got my ears and my nose pierced.
We were in the car when she finally saw it and started crying and slamming the car wheel. She told me she failed at setting the right example and that what I was doing wasn't right and wrong. I have some tattoos and she pointed those out too. She said I'm soon to dress up like the demonic people that wear black all the time. It hurt me that she thinks expressing yourself is wrong unless you do it in a mild manner. That being me isn't the correct way to live unless whatever I do I approved by her.
It sucks that she also said that I was the reason she didn't do a lot. She was setting a good example but I find that bullshit and just reason to blame me for things. She also when on to say that if I had a father (ran away when I was 5, haven't heard from him since) that was right, I wouldn't be doing this shit and disrespecting her. That she should've been more strict and a hardass on me so I would stay in school and be doing something with my life. Granted, I do have a job that helps me pay bills and half of the rent for our apartment.
She topped it off and said to be in public with her again, I would need to take out these piercings out because it's an embarrassment to be seen with her like this. I'm already depressed and have severe anxiety so hearing this just tanked me downwards into darkness. I can't be happy around her anymore. I got out of the car and got into mine and she walked by and slammed her arm into the car window. This isn't your typical mom and son fight. I'm hurt by this. I spent an hour in the car at a diner parking lot crying because I don't see my point to live if I seem to be a huge fuck up and screw up.
Peeps of reddit, please give me advice because I can't do this anymore :'(
TL;DR: | mother doesn't approve of what I've done with my life. Embarrassed to be seen in public with me. Depression already has me down but this makes me wish I were dead ten times over. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: Aggressive dog moving next door, help?
POST: My boyfriend and I moved into one half of a duplex two months ago with our two dogs (4 yr old boxer/hound and 10 yr old beagle/dachshund). This week we found out that a few acquaintances of mine will be renting the other side of the duplex and that they told the landlord they will have 2 dogs. I have since received word that there will actually be 4 or 5 dogs, though I don't know that this landlord will mind that part, as my boyfriend's previous roommate in another one of this landlord's properties got two dogs without telling her.
What worries me a lot more is that one of these dogs, a mastiff puppy, has already killed another dog. They're trying to keep this information quiet, so I'm not sure how many of our mutual friends know this—I assume they didn't tell the landlord. Both sides of the duplex share a single fenced yard, and I'm concerned for our dogs' safety as well as our own. My boyfriend has a good relationship with this landlord, and I would like to discuss my concerns with her. What is the best way to bring this up? I'd prefer to have this issue resolved before they move in and not after there's already been an issue. Also, if the landlord will not void their lease, what can I do to keep our dogs safe?
TL;DR: | A dog that has already killed another dog is moving in next door, and we will share a yard. Looking for the best way to bring this up with my landlord before they move in? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [32 M] feeling guilty, but I think I shouldn't
POST: Hello everyone.
I break up with my gf around 4 months ago (we decided it's better for both of us this way). We've been living together until last month and now she's gone.
Like 1 month ago I've asked an ex-gf to come spending Xmas here. I was more throwing a joke-invite, but she accepted and she'll come here.
The idea is that sometimes I feel kind of guilty. I have a stupid feeling (like I'm cheating). But, as I said, me and my gf broke up like 4 months ago. I keep telling to myself that this is stupid and that I have nothing to be ashamed / guilty of.
Maybe it's because we still lived under the same roof for another 3 months. And we're apart for real for like 1 month. And we're still friends - just friends, really :)...
The thing is that I keep asking myself if this is normal. To feel the way I feel, considering the situation.
I want to mention that I didn't cheat her (in person or sexting) while we were together.
Any opinions / advices?
Thanks in advance
TL;DR: | Broke-up with my gf like 4 months ago. Still lived together. Now another girl (an ex-gf) is coming to spend Xmas here and I'm feeling something like... guilt. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I don't ever want to have sex anymore, what should I do?
POST: I'm f20 and he is m19, we've been together for 3 years and over the past few months I just can't bring myself to have sex very often.
It irritates me how he always has an erection and thinks poking me with it is cute. I just don't feel like the person I used to be. But I try all of the time, and I have sex with him as often as I can. Other than that, I only WANT to have sex maybe once a week.
He cheated on me a few months ago (not sexually as far as I know) when he was in Kentucky, and I felt a huge drop in trust and attraction since then. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping because I can't stop thinking about him with her and I always wonder what made her so much more attractive than me.
I was also molested as a child and he is aware of that, and I just do not like sex like other people do, and I certainly don't like being pushed to have sex.
What should I do? I know he's getting frustrated.
TL;DR: | I am tired of our sex life and don't want to have sex anymore than once a week (if even), he is getting frustrated, what should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [26 M] 7 years. He recently mentioned that he is not interested in marriage.
POST: We have been together for 7, going on 8, years, which is most of our young life. We enjoy our time together and I believe we deeply love each other. I have always been up front about wanting to marry and start a family by age 30. I have always wanted to have children before I grow too old. I have been very clear about this, and I was hoping to be married by 29 at the latest so we could start our family together. He has expressed his disinterest in getting married, even stated that he does not want to get married in that time frame. He has also stated that it makes him feel bad to make me wait for him to be ready. I have known this all along, that it may take some time for him to be ready. I know that I will have to be patient, and while I joke occasionally, I have never truly pressured him. I am feeling scared and depressed this morning, because marriage is something I have always felt is inevitable, and we have spent so much of our lives together. I don't want that all to be a waste, and I truly do love him more than anyone. I can't imagine being with anyone else or starting over, and I'm getting choked up just thinking about the possibility.
TL;DR: | I want to get married and start a family. He does not want to commit. How long do I put my life on hold for him? What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by reading TIFUs late at night
POST: Anyways, last night I decided I would go to sleep "early" (early for me, around 02:00) because I had to go somewhere in the morning, so I got into bed around that time, and thought to my self that I would be on reddit for a little and then go to sleep. Turns out, I wasn't on reddit "for a little" - I ended up bring on reddit for 3 hours, until around 5. I had to get up early, so once I realized how I fucked up by staying up late accidentally, I went straight to bed.
I woke up early, like I planned to, at around 9:30 because I had a private lesson to help get ready for school so in the end I only slept around four and a half hours. As you can probably imagined, I was so tired when I woke up. During the whole lesson I was half asleep with my eyes at like the teachers boob level because I couldn't lift them (I was that tired) so it was also very embarrassing to reflect back on that now. Didn't learn anything the whole lesson.
TL;DR: | reading TIFU kept me up all night woke up earlier for class wasted a lot of money on class because I didn't learn anything. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [17/f] trying to get through my boyfriend's (18/m) severe depression without losing myself.
POST: We've been dating for the last three years and slowly this has crept up on us. He is not close to his family and doesn't have super close friends. He was diagnosed last October/November and is supposed to be taking depression medication. I have read a bunch of posts about how it's better for both people if we break up because he is going to "drag me down" and it's too big of a responsibility to take. I love him and I would do anything to make him happy and to support him because he's an amazing and talented guy and he is a genuine human being but I am slowly breaking down. He won't take his medication seriously so his mood goes from really happy and energetic to not getting out of bed till 8 PM at night. He'll make a bunch of plans with me and then text me while I'm on my way to his house telling me he doesn't want to see me. I know it's hard, I can't even imagine what he is going through, but how can I help him and still feel like I'm in a two-way relationship? No one else has to deal with him on a daily basis like I do and yet I feel like even he doesn't realize how much I am doing for him. I am stressed, sad, and frustrated. I love him and want him to get better, but I can't help him till he is ready to help himself. How do I separate my feelings and emotions when he hurts me and ignores me from the fact that it isn't his fault? How do SO's get through this without losing faith and falling apart.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend of three years has severe depression and won't take his medicine continuously. I don't have a support system and feel like I'm being irrational when he ignores and hurts me. How do I get through this with him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I was just scolded for leaving my cash on the register conveyer belt instead of handing it to the cashier. What are some common courtesies/faux pas you were not aware of which lead to fairly awkward moments?
POST: Story:
I am a college student in the middle of exams; currently my head is in another world. I placed my three dollar bills right behind the three boxes of kraft dinner I was purchasing. I have placed money on the belt before, and I am not quite sure why I chose to do so now. A man in his early thirties behind me started saying something, with a smile on his face. I could not hear him, so I just politely nodded and said "yes" in agreement. He looked slightly confused at my reaction, and as I was walking away he proclaimed loudly: "She's a person, you can at least hand her the money". As I turned around, it hit me that the cashier was a Latina and the man scolding me was an African American.
So, if you would, tell me some of your stories of a similar vein and hopefully they'll make me feel better. Or if you don't have a story, but have a faux pas you feel everyone should know, be my guest!
TL;DR: | I was just made to feel like a racist asshole, and I want you to make me feel better about myself, reddit. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24f] need to know if I'm capable of working things out with my boyfriend [25m] of a year.
POST: I [24f] met him [25m] online a little over a year ago. Things were great at first, and then they started getting rough about five months ago. There are a few problems that have come up that are particularly troubling me. One is that he wants to see me every night even though I work a long ways a way, and I never get my own time for myself. I've expressed to him over and over that I need time for me to do things like read and run and watch my favorite shows, but he insists on seeing me any time I am not working. Whenever I mention it to him, he gets frustrated and sometimes he argues to the point of me feeling hopeless. The second has to do with arguing. When I bring up things that he doesn't like (needing time, wanting to spend less money, etc) he argues with the intent of trying to make my feelings invalid. He tries to frame my needs as faults of me and my character. He'll throw his arms up in the air and throw things sometimes (though not at me.) When the arguments go on for a while, he sometimes cries or shuts me out completely. I am left feeling completely hopeless.
I feel as if the arguments paired with not getting a break from being right next to him are wearing me thin. I have less motivation to see friends and do productive things because I am so worn out. I love him but I feel emotionally drained all the time. Is it worth trying to work out?
TL;DR: | Five months ago my boyfriend and I started arguing to the point of emotional exhaustion and he won't ever let me be alone. Is it worth saving the relationship? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Dad is a Vietnam vet with extreme PTSD, won't medicate/therapy. What can I do? Also, he's a total ASS now.
POST: My dad is 62 years old, a Vietnam veteran who was drafted and extremely emotionally stunted my entire life. In order to gain compensation for his PTSD, he had to recently go through some therapy through the VFW and was asked to speak about his experience in the war, which flooded him with repressed memories. He quit going to therapy and taking any medication (besides weed). Now, he is almost intolerable. He snaps at my mom constantly, acting as if he even hates her, and thinks she's a total idiot. He also treats my sister this way, but to a lesser degree. He gets along with me because he can teach me about being an artist, which is the only way he knows how to bond with his children- informing and teaching. Since my sister is not an artist, he doesn't seem to even like her anymore. He ruins all family outings, getting frustrated very quickly and snapping at anyone and everyone who speaks to him, including waitstaff at restaurants, people driving, etc.
He goes to bed extremely early, and expects everyone to eat dinner with him at 3 pm (on weekends), during the week he is in bed before anyone even gets home from wherever they were. He is retired but has screenprinting to do during the weekdays, facebook addiction for all other times of the day.
I'm only 22, but I am the only one he will open up to about his issues and I don't live in the same state as my family anymore. I feel like I am mediating my family from 7 hours away, trying to keep them from falling apart and I'm failing at this point. Has anyone had experience dealing with a family member this way? I feel like I need to stage an intervention with him, before my mom kicks him out.
TL;DR: | My dad suffers from PTSD, won't get help, gotten stronger with time. My family is almost fed up with him and I am not sure what to do to help from 7 hrs away. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend [22/M] of 7 months wants me [20/F] to move in with him next semester, advice on what to expect?
POST: I've been going out with my SO for about 7 months now and it's been great! We're open with our communication and generally do not argue. If we do have a disagreement, we usually just hash it out and compromise. He's a wonderful guy and I'm excited at the prospect of this.
He's graduating this semester from college, but he signed a 1 year lease, so he has another six months to pay for his apartment. Normally, during the school year, he receives aid that covers his living expenses, but since he graduates this semester, he won't have any aid coming in next semester. He plans on getting a job, but me moving in is mostly to save money, because I'd cover half of the rent, and he won't be worried so much about payment. I have no problems with this, because living with him will also save money on my end as well.
I have a little bit of concerns though. We are kind of young. And our relationship is relatively new. But we get along great, and always communicate. This would be the first time either of us has lived with a SO before... so I guess what I'm asking is, what should I expect? Are there things I should look for moving in with him? How do relationships usually fair once they take this step?
I do want to move in with him. I think it'll be great. But I just want to make sure I'm fully aware of what can happen.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend of 7 months would like for me to move in with him next semester. It's a smart financial move for both of us, I'm just worried about our age and what sorts of problems may arise with the move. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (22 M) and my SO (23 F) are still having spats about her father.
POST: I posted on here some time ago and got very good response so I
decided to come back. As a very quick overview. Her father and I do
not get along. Not in an overt way, more like a cold war. He is very
religious. I am not. I also don't like the way he has treated her for the
23 years she's been her father. (Hasn't been in the picture, never
paid child support. Never helps her with money. A dead beat.) Well
Now today my girlfriend asks me about seeing a psychologist and
when I asked why, she says that her father bought the new Iphone,
a new car, gave her brother money, and didn't give her anything.
Her brother is unemployed with no education, my girlfriend works full
time and goes to school full time, and I still help her to pay for school.
She does all of this alone with my help. Nobody in her family helps,
let alone her dead beat father. This isn't the first time she's gotten
upset over these types of things with her father and whenever we talk
we get into an argument because I tell her to straight up cut him off,
or basically, to stop caring, and she says she cant. She's constantly
holding out hope that he will change and it bothers me so much
because my girlfriend is an amazing woman but also a fool. You could
beat her with a stick, steal all of her money, kill her dog, and she'd
still help you if need be. She is far too helpful when nobody will do
the same for her. I honestly don't even know what type of responses
I'm looking for here, or even what question to ask. But I guess any
type of advice would be good. Am I being too hard on her? Do I just
not understand? I don't get it. I'm really struggling. I hate her father!
TL;DR: | My SO and I had an argument over how she should react over her dead beat father spending money on himself and not helping her out ever. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend [24F] of 3 years says she needs a break from me [24M] out of the blue.
POST: So my girlfriend of 3 years said to me a couple days ago that she needs a break. She said that it was nothing that I did and that she just needs time to figure out what she is doing with her life(Medical school). She also said that she has changed since we started dating and because of it, she feels too dependent on me. She specifically told me that she wasn't breaking up with me (I'm still skeptical) and that she loved me very much and that she can see an amazing future with me (also skeptical).
What makes me confused is we don't spend that much time together to see why a break would be necessary. We live about 45 minutes away from each other because of my job and I just got back from a 2-week long vacation with my family. We have never had any big arguments however she does seem to be stressed all the time due to school.
To top it off we have a trip to Europe planned to visit her mom and dad at the end of August!!! She said she didn't want me to go anymore and that she would take care of my ticket. I don't know what to say to her. I'm so hurt that she would even consider that since it's something we've both been looking forward to for awhile now. She texted me yesterday and told me that she loved me and that I was so great for understanding.
She wants to talk about it a little more next week in person. Should I expect the worse? Should I reach out to her? This has never happened to me before and I'm so confused. Any advice or experience would be much appreciated.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend wants a break out of the blue before a big trip to Europe, no longer wants me to go. Says she still loves me and says she just needs space. |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Canadian University student looking for an international internship
POST: I will be graduating this upcoming May from one of the top accounting schools in Toronto, Canada and I was hoping to do an internship this summer with an international company. I was wondering if anyone in this subreddit had any experiences applying for summer internships in the US and UK.
I have interned at a global Fortune 500 company already, will be joining one of the big accounting firms next September (after the summer), and I would love to work in another country. I have not applied for a US work visa yet, but I do plan to once I begin applying for internships.
Thanks in advanced!
TL;DR: | Canadian accounting student graduating soon. Wants to intern in the US/UK during the summer. Wants to know if anyone has done so and how they went about doing it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I messed up with a girl I really like, but I'm not sure if I'm reading her right, please help...
POST: So I'm a senior in highschool, and before you think "oh shit let's get out of here before we stick out dick in crazy",just please hear me out...So I've had a thing with this girl for a while now, let's call her Ann. Well I've been texting another girl, in a friend-to-friend scheme, for a while,too, who we'll call Beth. So I've told Ann about how strange Beth can get sometimes,and I have a thing for Ann, and Ann knows this...So I agreed to hang out with Beth, and I told Ann that,thinking it wouldn't be a big deal, but at the same time I told her about another guy, let's call him Jim, who had just sent a picture of his dick to Beth. Jim is a player who was trying to talk to Ann a few weeks ago, but I told him to screw off, so now he's trying to mess around with Beth, so I told Ann (just so she would realize how much of a douche he is) about the dick pic, so she asked Jim, who then texted Beth about it, who then texted me pissed off about me telling Ann in the first place...Now both girls are mad at me; I couldn't care less about Beth, but I really hurt Ann, and she has trust issues because of her dad's history of abuse....What do I do? Please help
TL;DR: | 2 girls are mad at me, 1 girl is the only one I really care about, she has trust issues,how do I resolve? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24F] just overheard my coworkers [Mixed ages, F] talking about me in the locker room. I don't know what to do.
POST: I'm no stranger to being bullied. I'm neither attractive, nor especially exemplary in any capacity. It's happened all my life, and I understand it's just a part of human nature.
This morning while leaving work (graveyard shift) I overheard the other women talking about how weird/awkward/quiet/inconvenient I am. Some even stated they try to get in after I leave. I'm pretty hurt and disparaged because I thought they pretty were nice to me.
I sort of wanted to walk out into the middle of the conversation, but I didn't want to make anyone feel bad. I also considered making a cutting or backhanded comment from where I was in relation to them. Instead I just kept on doing my thing.
So at this point, what should I do? I feel like talking to them or a supervisor would just make the issue bigger than it already is and make me look like I cause problems and drama. Asking for an earlier leave time would inconvenience the company because my supervisor, who is also my relief, is always late anyway. However, I'm still really upset by what they said. I don't mean to be an inconvenience, and I'm not around to bother people.
TL;DR: | Overheard dayshift coworkers making fun of me while I was changing to leave. Feel really shitty. Words of encouragement and/or action plans needed. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] with my Ex-girlfriend [20 F] of less than two years, I broke up with her about a week ago and she's already found someone else and I feel jealous
POST: Her and I had been dating for about a year and 8 months and in the past maybe 6 or more have been at eachother's throats. We would argue a lot, and I'll admit I wasn't a good boyfriend and that I didn't love her anymore at the time we broke up. We broke up about 10 days ago. She claims recently (in the past three days) that she no longer loves me.
However, since then we've tried to stay friends including a few days of her trying to convince me to be fuck-buddies. I didn't want to do that because I knew it would be really emotionally confusing for me. Before she had moved on from the relationship she told me she slept with her friend who had been obsessed with her while we were dating. Now she says she's over the relationship and she's gone on a date with this guy she met on tinder and told me they slept together.
As soon as I heard that my heart dropped and I felt really sick. I'm glad she's moving on, and I even gave her some advice because she was nervous he didn't like her. But I felt so sad when I went to bed last night (she told me yesterday).
While this is happening I'm struggling to get matches on tinder and I've always had really low self-esteem when it comes to girls.
Am I just mean because I want her to be celibate while I try to sleep with other girls? Or I am rightfully jealous? Or is it something else....
TL;DR: | Ex slept with some one who she really likes now about a week after our breakup. I'm trying to be her friend still so I gave her advice but I really feel jealous and upset. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskDocs
TITLE: Question on HIV/AIDS
POST: I'm almost 22, male, around 170-180 lbs, 5'9, caucasian.
I was sexually abused by my stepfather as a child. The first instance of abuse was before I can remember. The first instance of penetration was around the age of 4 or 5.
I don't know if my stepfather had any STDs, but I'm planning to meet my long distance girlfriend in the next year or so and I want to make sure I'm clean. I have an anxiety disorder and leaving the house is difficult for me on my best days. I would really like to avoid leaving the house if possible but I'm not going to put her health at risk in any way. I'll go get tested eventually just to be sure but I just wanted to know if I can breathe easy for a while.
So. That brings me to my question.
I recently got a comprehensive lab test done. The lab test shows that I have slight anemia, slightly abnormal thyroid levels, and that I am prediabetic. Those seem to be the only issues that came up.
I am assuming that if I were infected it would already be pretty advanced considering my first exposure was 15+ years ago. If that's the case, would any abnormalities show up in my lab results or blood profile? Wouldn't my blood count be off by now, prompting them to send me for more tests? Basically I want to know if I can relax. I'm pretty sure I'm not infected, but I have been feeling really crummy and completely devoid of energy lately so I just want to strike the worry from my mind if possible.
Probably not relevent, but: I had meningitis at the age of 16 and since then I have had seizures. They seem to be getting more frequent. I also have extremely bad migraines regularly. I am nearly always nauseated and just about any time I have a panic attack I throw up. This has been going on for a few years now. I have zero energy and no drive, but I usually chalk that up to depression/anxiety.
TL;DR: | Would a regular blood test/CBC show any abnormalities if someone was infected with AIDS/HIV (presumably would have been infected for 15+ years) or would they need to get an HIV test to be sure? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: [SV] -50 lbs this year / -70 lbs overall [flair update]
POST: It's still sinking in, but I wanted to share how this worked for me so far.
I had a friend that used to just call me by my first initial prefixed with the word 'big.' "Hey Big J, what's up?" I forgot about that until today.
In '07, I primarily used running and a low-carb diet to push myself across the one-derland line. Illness knocked out my exercise plan and I never found a sustainable diet to compensate. The weight came back.
My lifetime peak weight was in 2011. I deliberately blocked it from memory, but recently found office visit records from my doctor that revealed what I'd tried to forget. /smh
In 2013, I lost 20 lbs for a 90 mile hiking trip in New Mexico with my son. I didn't want to be the dad that couldn't keep up. Yo-yo'd for two years after that until this year when I decided I was done being that 'big guy.'
Since May, I've been reading /r/loseit (and /r/fatlogic) daily. Calculated TDEE, BMR, and set daily calorie targets for a sustained average weight loss of 1.66 lbs/week. Tracked EVERYTHING in MFP. Re-calculated every month or two. Very light on exercise, but two months ago did pick up a step tracker for my planned transition to a fitness focus. Other than CICO daily calorie targets, I'm not following any specific diet. I've incidentally reduced my carb intake and I pay some attention to MFP macro totals, but nothing like real keto, paleo, etc.
I am tremendously grateful to everyone in these subreddits. You all set a great example, are honest about what works, and very supportive. Thanks!
[M/6'/40's/SW:225,CW:175,GW:175]
TL;DR: | Middle aged guy overweight/obese most of life, CICO'd back to normal weight - Reddit be awesome. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (19M) writing a love letter to my gf (19F) while she struggles with school stress. What do I write?
POST: Hi r/relationships, I'm new here. A quick background: I am a 19M that has been dating a 19F nursing student for nearly a year now. She is my first everything, and I am her first LTR. This girl is utterly amazing, she is kind, trusting, intelligent and beautiful.
I want to write her a love letter as part of our one year celebration, and hopefully every year after that as she's never had anything like that done for her before, and she's given me the impression she likes that corny love stuff like that. Also we have talked many times about living together, our future together and whatnot.
The thing is, since I'm her first real boyfriend, I don't want to scare her or make her suddenly feel trapped and push her away as ive read sometimes happens. My biggest fear is she'll decide she wants to see what else is out there or wants to see what other relationships are like. Any advice on what to put or not put in my letter? I want to express just how important she is to me.
TL;DR: | a young man who loves his long term girlfriend with all his heart wants to write a love letter for a one year thing, but doesn't want to make her suddenly feel trapped. What does he write? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by plasti-dipping nearly everything in my friends dorm, causing thousands of dollars in damage.
POST: My friends and I were on a mission to prank our buddy Jeff while he was out of town. He "lives" in a small dorm-room about the size of a shoebox at our local university.
One of my buddies suggested wrapping everything in aluminum foil, as payback for when Jeff took his stuff and pulled the old 45º everything-on-its-side trick.
Agreeing that it would be hilarious, I got the brilliant idea of using Plasti-Dip instead of aluminum foil to step it up a notch.
Not having really done any research on the product (other than knowing it was plastic spray that you could peel off) we bought a dozen cans of straight black Plasti-Dip.
Fast forward 2 days later (now a friday evening) my buds and I started the process of taking (almost) everything out of his room in prep for the plasti-dip. We couldn't do things like the bed, walls, ceiling, text books for class, etc - but nothing else was spared.
We plasti-dipped everything else. Pens, pencils, computer desk, microwave, 2 wooden chairs, desk lamp - and his 2012 Mac Book Pro computer.
We were so preoccupied with how hilarious our efforts would be that we didn't even think about how fucking stupid it was.
Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. Jeff comes home and is met by a smiling group of friends, eager to see him and get him home. We get him home, he opens his dorm-room door and the day instantly turned hilarious to disastrous in the matter of about 3 seconds.
Apparently we didn't use "enough" plasti-dip for it to be removable... we ruined all of his shit, including his Mac Book Pro. We promised to replace everything and buy him a new Mac Book Pro, but he's still very sour about it and is contemplating finding new friends.
Moral of the story, if you plasti-dip someone's stuff including a laptop, or you're gonna have a bad time.
TL;DR: | Plasti-dipped a friends personal items (including a laptop) as a joke - didn't use enough plasti-dip and ruined everything. |
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