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SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Am I over thinking this? (Me, 17m; Her, 17f)
POST: So a few weeks ago my girlfriend was talking about how at parties we can't go across the field the party is in without several people shouting "Hey buddy!" at me and said, "Everyone loves you! Not as much me though." I didn't really know how to respond to this so I just said, "Haha yeah probably." I know that probably wasn't the best way to handle it, but whatever what's done is done.
I thought about saying that I loved her a few days later, but before I had the chance her mom found out we had sex. She had a talk with her and said she thought we were going to fast, although we believed her mom overreacted, we both agreed that maybe we were going to fast and we'd slow it down. Because of that decision I decided it wouldn't be the best time to say I loved her.
Skip to a couple days ago where we were joking around with each other and she said I had a small dick (we joke around like that, I call her a slut, she says I have a small dick, shit like that) and I said she was a cold hearted bitch. She laughed and said, "Oh just admit it, you love me." I said, "Oh yeah."
I feel like I love her and I really want to tell her that I do. However, our relationship will soon become long distance (we will be able to see each other every weekend, so its not bad at all) and I'm not sure if I should tell her I love her until we've made it through a bit of the next year (after which our relationship will no longer be long distance). I know I love her, but I'm just not sure if its the right time to say it. We haven't even been dating for a month; though we have been seeing each other for two months before that and have been best friends for four years prior to our relationship. Am I just over thinking the situation and I should just tell her, or is it too early and I should wait a bit and see what happens?
Thank you very much Reddit!
TL;DR: | Not sure if its too soon to say I love you to my girlfriend when we are about to enter a long distance relationship. Should I wait to see how our relationship changes over long distance? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Why does the brain fucking work againts us?
POST: Hey reddit. Long time lurker here and I need some advice. This may be a bit long so please stay with me.
Recently I have been hit with some pretty heavy grief over the past couple weeks involving girl troubles. It's gotten to the point where I have been losing sleep, weight and desire to get up and do things. I also have no desire to do anything sexual anymore and it takes effort to even smile. Sounds like all that typical depression crap that people post alot, huh?
Anyway, as I have been laying in bed trying to figure out unique and exciting ways to kill myself, I was wondering why is it that my thoughts are doing this to me? I want nothing more then to just go back to the way I used to be when I was all excited and happy all of the time. Yet I keep getting bashed down with intrusive thoughts.
TL;DR: | Why does the brain insist on torturing itself and the body after a significant negative event? Wouldn't it be best to learn and forget? |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: Would you want to know if your husband was seeing teen sex workers/Did I do the right thing?
POST: (I'm a 21 year old woman and the man in question is 50+)
A couple years ago, I was raped by one of my clients when I was making money through various types of sex work.
I was doing that at the time because I was struggling with addiction, PTSD and was having a hard time paying rent. Basically, I was in a terrible place to make proper decisions for myself and thought this would be an easy way to solve all my problems, but wasn't prepared for how violent and traumatic it is.
I met Hector for what he said would be a "sugar daddy" date, but once I met up with him he immediately began touching me and I said wait but just shut down out of fear/trauma (since I had been raped twice before that as a young teen).
(I was alone in a seedy hotel room in the middle of nowhere with a stranger, please don't lecture me on how stupid this was because I haven't stopped thinking about how dumb I was since it happened).
He was obsessed with me being a teenager and how much I looked like his daughter who is my age, and he was incredibly degrading and rough with me (yes, more so than most clients) and so even if it hadn't been non-consensual I would have been worried about his female family members.
Last week, after thinking about doing this for so long, I contacted his wife because her email address is public as she's a state employee. I sent her some of the disgusting dick pics he sent me with the subject "hector & teen prostitutes."
I then received these texts from him:
So knowing for sure that I catalyzed his divorce, did I do the wrong thing? Would you have wanted to know?
TL;DR: | I was raped by a john when I used to escort and recently outed him to his wife because I think he's a dangerous man and a pedophile. Was I in the wrong to do this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23M] with my college FWB [21F] 4 month, picking up the pieces
POST: Just looking to get this off my chest and get some advice. M[23] about to graduate college had a FWB situation going with this F[21] sophomore who transferred here over a year ago. Same circle of friends, known her for over a year and initiated the FWB thing 4 months ago. Exclusive FWB from the start and neither was really actively looking for a real romantic relationship outside of our arrangement. I'm graduating in 1.5 months and now is not the time to get tied down in a romantic relationship. We would go on trips together and spend a lot of time in each other's beds multiple times a week. Great sex and openness within the relationship. At no point did either of us develop romantic feelings, but the physical aspect brought us much closer emotionally than we probably would have been otherwise.
Out of the blue she gets a message randomly from a guy she was really into that previously graduated and lost touch with and they decide to have dinner. Long story short within a week we have to stop our thing and they're dating long distance, but he's completely inexperienced so she thinks things will progress very slowly.
It's been a bit over a week now and we're seeing each other a lot and comforting each other when we are upset about the whole situation; (long hugs, rubbing each other's backs, hanging out alone and discussing things). We both seem to really be struggling with this, me a bit more than her since she has someone new to project it onto in a sense. A part of me really doesn't want to lose her friendship because of how close we got and she's a really nice girl, but there's a side that wishes we still had our thing going that is hurt by her choice. It's difficult to have her around at all because it makes me hurt, but I don't want to lose what developed into a great friendship. I'm just unsure how much of that friendship may diminish now that the physical side that helped it grow is no longer present. With only 1.5 months left, will most of that time be spend "trying to get back to just friends" ? Should it?
Thoughts? Similar Experiences? Advice?
TL;DR: | FWB broke it off after 4 months when we had gotten quite close and now unsure how friendship will or can progress. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What are some small time acts of kindness that you wish more people spoke about?
POST: I'll start. And this is really simple, but that's kind of the point of this post. I had left my credit card in an ATM one night. I didn't realize I'd lost it until I was way gone, and it being a Friday night and having lost it on a college campus, I thought "Well, fuck. Gotta cancel the damn thing." Not 5 minutes later I get an e-mail from a guy saying "Hey, I saw your name on this credit card, looked you up in the college directory, and that's how I'm emailing you. What dorm do you live in? I'll leave it with the security guard." He was on the other side of the city, mind you, and went all the way there to return it. What a good dude. That was years ago and I still remember it and tell people all the time. It's a standard for how far small time acts of kindness go.
TL;DR: | Left my card in ATM, guy looked me up in college directory, and traveled across the city to return it to me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Rats, why did it have to be rats?
POST: I am a changed man.
This morning I was eating breakfast in the kitchen. Coco Pops with slices of banana for that extra bit of energy. Good stuff. I love that time of the weekend when I can sit there and slowly eat and watch things on my laptop. Pure bliss. Then they came out of nowhere and I was totally unprepared.
To be honest, no one could have been prepared for this. Been to boot camp? Doesn't matter. Seen someone die? Doesn't matter. From the corner of my eye, I saw a huge motherfucking rat sprint out from under the oven into the adjacent bathroom and into hole in the shower where the pipes go in and out. I spilt my cereal. I saw my life flash before my eyes. I saw my mother and I saw my unborn children. I didn't know what to feel. I started shivering, convulsing, violently crying. My manhood fell from me like a tattered cape, never to be wrapped around me again.
It looked awful. Like a hairy turd. **A clumsy hairy turd.** It was sprinting so fast it lost traction with the ground and slid around the corner to the bathroom. Then the unspeakable happened. It was followed BY ANOTHER RAT. OH GOD! [my reaction](
What where they doing? Eating MY food? Pissing into MY cupboard? Having disgusting rat sex amidst my boxes of lasagne plates? Fuck you rats! I know you can hear me. FUCK YOU!
So now what do I do? I am a changed man and I know that I will never be the same person again. While I can't ask you to restore my sanity, I can ask you how to make sure this never happens again.
TL;DR: | We've got rats in the house, what the fuck do I do to get rid of them? God damn motherfucking rats. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I'm running out of things to care about.
POST: I do what I can to keep myself motivated, yet at every turn I find something that stops me. I'm tired of caring about things, all I end up doing is being stupid and causing myself and other people to get hurt. My parents are recently divorced, and I'm unfortunately with the one I don't particularly care for. I don't care for much in my life anymore, I tend to stay in my room alone without talking to my family much, and I'm frequently finding myself wanting to escape from my own life without hurting anyone.
If I could just die off without anyone knowing or remembering me, I feel as though that would be better than what's going on with me now at times. I've done poorly through school my entire career, and all I've got to show for my high school life is a girlfriend of almost 3 years that I frequently do wrong by. I feel like such a mess, and I slowly feel myself emptying into a hollow shell of a young man. I don't know what I want to do with my life and most of the motivation I have becomes summed up in posts like this every once in awhile. I must sound like a pretentious dick, and I guess I am, more often than I'm not. My life is sliding by, just waiting to get to a part that isn't as meaningless as the current life I seem to be living.
I don't really think there's any advice for me, but if you feel as though you can offer some, feel free.
TL;DR: | I feel like I'm drifting out of having emotions, I wish I could just disappear without hurting anyone, and I doubt there's any sound advice for me, but go for it if you feel you can help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend (26/f) wants to break up with me (29/m) due to increased cancer risk.
POST: While we were talking last night, the fact that my mother had a hysterectomy, about a decade ago, due to a possible tumor, came up in conversation. My girlfriend came over this morning and wanted to end the relationship because I apparently had an increase risk in cancer due to my mother getting cancer. She is a clinical pharmacist and is sensitive to the issue because of what she has seen in the hospital (patients, sometimes children, succumbing to cancer). She had been complaining for me to exercise more and eat healthier. I am 5'6, 135 lbs so I am not overweight, but my diet is pretty crappy.
She kept saying to me that she wanted to be with me, but couldn't bear the though of losing me and then having to live decades without me. She completely broke down, complete with the works: tears and snot bubbles, etc. Bear in mind that I don't have currently have cancer and marriage has not been discussed. We have been together for 6 months. The only indication that this relationship might go long term is that her and I both are happy in the relationship and don't see any reason that it should end.
I asked her if she was serious about ending the relationship and in the end she decided not to. However, now I am worried that some other thing might set her off. I think she is overreacting due to her occupation, but it was a very selfish thing to do (at least to me).
I want to reach out to this community to see how I should proceed. I promised her that I would exercise more and try to eat healthy. Should I just let it go or do you think this is a foreshadowing of maybe more break downs in the future.
Thanks guys.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend is worried that I may have increased chance in cancer, wants to break up but decides not to in the end. Problems? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19 M] with my GF [20F] been together 3 months known her for 4 years, told me she has been sad for 10 years and says it wont get better. What can i do?
POST: My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 months, and today she just told me she hasn't been happy for the last 10 years and that it's all pointless. I knew she had depression before hand but i had no idea that it was this bad. Our relationship up until this point has been great and i saw no signs of this maybe partly because we live 2 and a half hours apart.
I am at a loss for words as to what i should do, part of me hurts realizing i never made her happy. But an even bigger part of me wants to make her happy again but i have no idea how i am supposed to do that. I just don't know what i should do, I'm not going to give up on her i can't do that i love her too much but this is also such a daunting task how do i make someone happy who has been sad for the past 10 years?
TL;DR: | My Girfriend i have been dating for 3 months has not been happy for 10 years and i dont know what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by stranding my team at the end of a long, successful project.
POST: This just happened a few minutes ago.
So my team traveled 4 hours away to Pennsylvania from home to provide 24/7 support for a big software upgrade. Things went so well that we finished up a day early and got ready to head back.
Rental car is packed up and I press the close button on the trunk door. Reach into my pocket and pull out my personal car keys, not the rental. The "oh fuck" moment sets in that I just locked the keys in the trunk.
Call the rental company to get a hold of OnStar to unlock the car. Just so happens they never set up OnStar in this car. So we have to wait for AAA to show up.
AAA shows up. They begin working their magic. Just so happens they have no magic. They leave us I the hotel parking lot with a very locked car. Tell us someone else should be coming soon to try and open it.
Still waiting on the next person to come and attempt to unlock our car.
TL;DR: | Locked my whole team out of the rental car after they put all of their personal belongings in it. OnStar isn't active in this car and AAA can't unlock it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: Morphometry of skin changes in Newfoundland dogs following coat clipping | The Veterinary Journal
POST: [
Abstract
>Dog breeds are unique in their coat conformation and quality. Newfoundland dogs have a long and fine hair coat, and clipping may induce changes in newly grown hair. This study examined structural changes in the skin of Newfoundland dogs following clipping. Dogs included in the study had visible coat changes following clipping that appeared as loss of gloss, increased scaling and textural changes. The control groups consisted of two groups of dogs that had never been clipped: Newfoundland dogs served as within-breed controls, and long-haired dogs of other breeds served as between-breed controls. All dogs were healthy with no history of dermatological problems. Two skin biopsies were taken from each dog and evaluated for predetermined parameters.
>A total of 41 samples were examined: 11 from clipped Newfoundland dogs, 16 from unclipped ones, and 14 from dogs of other breeds. By histopathology, the clipped dogs had a thicker cornified layer (P = 0.006) and smaller sebocytes (P = 0.022) than the unclipped ones. Newfoundlands had larger and more epitrichial sweat glands than other breeds (P = 0.0002, P = 0.036, respectively), and those were not affected by clipping. These results suggest that hyperkeratosis and decreased sebocyte size may explain the observed coat changes following clipping in Newfoundland dogs.
[Full text.](
TL;DR: | Repeated clippings of Newfoundland dogs cause hyperkeratosis(thickening of skin), reduced skin and coat gloss and increased scaliness. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How should I (19M) handle my crazy (ex)girlfriend (19f)?
POST: So I(19M) broke up with my girlfriend(19F) of 5 months because she cheated on me. She was apologizing up and down profusely. She wanted to stay together. I told her no. Then she said she wanted to stay friends (she's a loner, I'm pretty much her only friend). I said no initially but she kept pushing and just to get her off my back, I said we could still be friends, but I would need some time and some space.
You can probably guess where this is heading; she didn't give me any space, or any time. She would show up, and treat me like we were still dating. She would pull stunts like joining my at lunch and then hold onto my tray, forcibly, so that I couldn't leave. She showed up in my room one day, and refused to leave when I asked her too. Then when I tried to pick her up to remove her from the room she yelled "Rape!". And so I put her down. She said she would accuse me of rape if I touched her again. She ended up not leaving my room for 2 whole days. She left me no choice but to be an asshole to get her out of my life, so then she threatened to fuck my friends, and kill herself. Then she tried to kill herself, then she got drunk with this unsavory guy, I still don't know if they fucked.
She's clearly unstable, and I don't really want her in my life anymore, but I don't want her to hurt herself either. I've asked her to go to counselling with me, but she basically hates me at this point. I'm concerned she's a threat to her own safety, and the safety of those around her, but I have no idea what I can do.
TL;DR: | Ex girlfriend went insane after the breakup, I'm concerned she's a danger to herself and people around her. What can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22 F] boyfriend [22 M] of four months lost "the spark" and now views me as just a friend. what can i do?
POST: My boyfriend and I were in love up until about a week ago. Last night he said he needs a break from me, and after further conversations today, he has admitted that he slowly lost those feelings for me and lost the "spark." He says that he is no longer in love with me and views me as just a friend, and says that he needs time to himself to figure things out without being in a relationship with me. He doesn't think it's fair to me to continue a relationship that is one sided, as he has lost feelings at this point. However, he has agreed that he would be open to restarting the relationship if the spark or the feelings returned.
We have plans to hang out "as friends" next Friday, and he says he wants to keep talking as friends to see if the spark returns. Is there anything I can do to get this spark back? Does this seem like a lost cause at this point or is it worth one more shot of hanging out to see if anything returns?
TL;DR: | boyfriend went from in love with me to viewing me as just a friend. we have plans to hang out "as friends" next week to see if the spark returns. is this salvageable? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [23F], newly single, talk to men who I don't already know?
POST: I got out of a 2 year relationship a little over 3 months ago, and he was the only guy I've ever been in a relationship with. We were friends for a while before dating, so it was easy to transition. The only other guy I've gone out with was only for 3 dates, and we had also been friends first.
I am interested in meeting someone else, but really don't know how to talk to guys who I'm not already friends with. I'll see someone at a bar who is with friends, or just walking by that I'll think is attractive, but I don't know how to start a conversation with a guy that I don't already know. I never really had to before. And I'm a very sociable person, I'm perfectly capable of carrying a conversation with someone, so it's not an issue of being shy, I just don't know how or if I should approach guys. What should I do?
TL;DR: | Never had to talk to guys before because the only one I dated was a friend first. How do I talk to guys I am interested in that I don't already know? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21M] and my partner [20F] and threesomes, exploring sexual options and need threesome advice
POST: Hi everyone, my partner and I are two students at university, we have been together almost two years and have a very trustworthy, stable relationship and love each other a lot.
I was her first, I had one girlfriend before her, after being together this long we've decided to explore different sexual options, one being a potential threesome.
Now I'm going to be honest and say I instantly dismissed any chance of having a MMF threesome, I wasn't rude about it or anything, I just said no.
The simple reason is I don't want another guy fucking my girlfriend, I have no attraction towards men either so It would be purely for her sake, although she says she would enjoy the experience and the actual gender of the person is unimportant.
She is fine with this, note she is Bi Sexual.
Also note that if she didn't want to have a MFF threesome because I'm unwilling to have a MMF threesome, I am ok with this, neither of us have an overwhelming desire to go for it, it's just to try it out.
So we started to discuss a MFF threesome, she wants it to be with a girl thats bi so one of us doesn't get ignored, which is her main concern. Have you got any advice when searching for a person and setting boundaries?
Neither of us have had a threesome before, so also any advice on that would be appreciated.
Also, In my head I've been reasonable and calm about this, do you think I've handled this in the correct way? I've been open and honest and trying to move forward in a cautious but practical way.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend unwilling to have a MMF threesome, but open to MFF, advice needed on preparation. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Do you think he [M21] and I [F20] will be able to make it work in the future?
POST: Hey, how's it going?
I'm stuck in a pretty messed up situation. I started seeing my coworker a few weeks ago. We both admitted to having getting out of messy relationships. We ended up hanging out more often, and never really had a "label" - I was happy with the way things were going.
He did mention that he had trouble opening up to people so I let him be - if he wanted to tell me something he would do it and I wouldn't pressure him.
Well, lately he had a lot happening in his life (death, working a lot, second job) but I found out he was going through a divorce, too. He said he got married at 18, he's not with her.
I tried limiting the amount of times ill text him, and would barely hear from him.
Finally, yesterday I asked him to tell me if he still wanted me in his life or if he's too busy, I just wanted to know. He said it depends what I want us to be (move in together?) and that he's messed up with relationships now. I said no (im not crazy), I just want to know if I should back off until he's figured everything out.
Finally he said "as for right now I don't think there's much I can offer you babe :(" and I was relieved, in a way. I thanked him for being honest, wished him luck and said maybe sometime in the future? He said of course.
Anyway, question is, do you think I fucked up by being too needy? Should i not have brought it up at all? I like this guy and we clicked pretty well, i just don't know what to do right now.
TL;DR: | guy i was seeing has too much on his plate tight now, sounds like a temporary break, could it work out in the end? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (m17) started talking to a girl (f17) and she wants to take things to the "next level".
POST: I (17m) started talking to this girl (17f) a few weeks ago (right after my breakup with another girl who is irrelevant and won't be mentioned again). Things are going fine between the girl and I but she has been talking about having sex with me a lot. She's been around the block quite a few times and know sex pretty well.
I'm practically a virgin besides a few blowjobs and the 2 times I made it into the vajin. I'm worried about getting into a relationship like this with this girl. Tomorrow she wants to give me a blow job. I'm down for it but it makes me nervous because I don't really like her in that way. Should I bite the bullet and use her body or be honest and make it really awkward every time I see her in school?
I'm without a doubt going through with the blow job but I know it will lead to something more over the next week or so.
TL;DR: | Girl I met a few weeks ago wants to become sexually active. I have very little experience and am nervous. Should I go ahead and give her what she wants or back out and focus on my school work? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I want to help my best friend (F/20) with her relationship with her boyfriend (21).
POST: My best friend has been with this guy for a few months, he is her first boyfriend.
My friend has a lot of self-esteem issues and mild depression and anxiety. This makes it hard for her to be in a relationship, so I'm really glad that she has finally found someone.
She has recently voiced some concern about her boyfriend not caring about her feelings as much as she would like, and also not taking responsibility for his actions, eg. he would do something that would have negative consequences, and once she's upset he would be sorry that she's upset, but not sorry that he caused it.
He is not abusive in any way, she just feels a bit neglected, I think. It seems to me that he's quite stubborn and sensitive.
She says that if he continues to act this way, she will probably end the relationship.
What can I offer her in this situation?
TL;DR: | Friend with emotional problems is finally in her first relationship, but her boyfriend is stubborn and does not take responsibility for his actions. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23 M] am still not over my ex [22 F] of less than 9 months, even though we broke up over 3 years ago.
POST: I'll keep this short. I was dating this girl and it was going exceptionally well for about 6 months, just mutually head over heels, until we started living in different cities and had to break up due to a lack of contact. I was also secretly suspicious of infidelity, and I never really found out why she changed her mind about the whole thing.
This was devastating to me because she had already had me thinking we would be getting married just as soon as we could and eventually have kids too (it really was exceptional for those 6 months). After some failed attempts at staying in touch platonically, I decided the only way to get over her would be to cut her out and end all communication, so I did.
But despite my best efforts and the passing of 3 years, I still think about her, want to talk to her, or get flashbacks all the time. And it affects my life in that I've been terrified/incapable of getting into an emotionally committed relationship ever since.
My question is: What should I be doing/what am I doing wrong?
TL;DR: | Had a short but powerful relationship with a girl that ended after we moved to different cities and she became nearly impossible to reach. Still not over her. What the hell is wrong with me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27F] with my boyfriend [31M] of 5 years. How do I tell him his forgetfulness is beginning to frighten me without insulting him?
POST: This isn't as huge a problem as most I see on here, but I hope someone can offer me advice!
My boyfriend (Jack) runs his own company, which he set up a few years ago. In the last six months or so, they haven't been earning consistent money, and Jack and his partners are getting antsy. There was an overseas conference a few weeks ago which Jack thought was unsuccessful, and he believes was the final nail in the coffin.
My problem is, that ever since then he has been incredibly stressed and sad. I've been trying my best to be supportive, but his stress is really affecting his ability to concentrate.
Over the two weeks since the conference he has:
a) left the gas on the hob all day which leaked all over the apartment
b) forgotten his keys in a training centre an hour from our home
c) run a red light, despite me telling him to stop multiple times. He said he just wasn't concentrating.
There have been many smaller incidents, but these were the big ones. After the keys incident I told him off, and asked for him to try and concentrate more, and he reacted snappily and quickly became quiet and despondent.
I'm worried about his safety, my safety and our pets safety if this continues, but I don't know how to bring it up without stressing him out more, and even if I do bring it up, I don't know what to suggest to help fix it!! Does anyone have any advice?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend's stress is making him forgetful and it's worrying me. Don't know how to approach him, or what solution to approach him with. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 F] with my LD BF [21 M] of 8M, should I break up with him?
POST: Me [22 F] and my LD BF [21 M] have been together for 8 months. He cheated on me once, and we've broken up twice. About a month ago I noticed he was being very distant and stopped saying that he loved me. When I snooped, I saw that he was using his OK Cupid and I was pretty heart broken. I called him out on the fact that he was shutting me out, never mentioning that I saw he was using his online dating profile. After a couple rough days, he said he loved me and I saw that he stopped using it. Lately it seems like he's been shutting me out again and yep, he's using his OK Cupid again. I'm just... heartbroken. I really want this to work, but I don't think he's committed to me. Should I break up with him?
Past/ more details:
TL;DR: | My LD BF [21] cheated on me [21F] in the past and now I've noticed he's using his OK Cupid account. Should I break up with him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [28/M] being forced to move in with a [25/F]?
POST: So we have been together for a decent amount of time 4+ yrs (we both dont really have a number we both agree on) but the whole relationship is just going downhill. We both want to be together ( I guess?) but don't see how we can be comfortable with each other. She has become unattractive and doesn't meet my list of things I want anymore. We know this because I made a list to see what she would change because she wanted to make me happy and so I made the list to show her what she could do that per her request. On her side, she wants more intimacy, a family, to get married to have me around all the time, and to be wanted. She said she isn't getting any of that, but I am not prepared for any of this, so the ultimatum came in. It was basically to move in together, and I am very against it but she is very for it, and said for years she has been doing what I wanted (not having kids before marriage, not being married yet, or not living with each other) and that I still cant be happy about it. IMO I couldn't be happy because its a complaint about all of those and then some almost everyday. So I gave in and said lets do this since this is the only thing we have left to try. We have done counseling, books (love languages) and etc and nothing really worked. So basically at the last straw here. So basically I have to downgrade my living arrangements for her and hope to still be happy albeit all of the incoming complaints about no baby or marriage yet (marriage is pending, only a few months out).
TL;DR: | I have to move in with my gf, to see if we can survive this downhill relationship long enough to get married. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I've [20 F] developed feelings on my lost distance friend[21 M] but I don't know if I should say anything.
POST: My friend and I have been friends for a year or two, and just recently I had a lightbulb moment. Problem is, I live in Florida/Texas and he's in Oregon.
Another problem is that he has a relatively recent ex who is bothering him and making him feel like general crap. When he feels distraught or really upset he drops all contact, with everyone.
I don't know if I should keep my feelings to myself or hint to him. He's a super sweet guy and I tell him almost everything. I don't want to ruin it if he doesn't recuperate my feelings.
TL;DR: | Should I tell my friend who is long distance, has a nagging ex and like to disappear for a month that I want to date? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23M] am gonna approach this girl [??F] tomorrow
POST: this isn't a question, but I'm open to any advice you guys wanna give! just a little background on myself. I'm a virgin with no dating experience, ZERO. Something bad happened in freshman year highschool that made me antisocial for 6 years. I didn't start opening up until I was 20, and I'm 23 now, so I'm a complete noobie when it comes to relationships/sex, but I'm working hard to try to change that. In the past 2 years I've been talking to girls more frequently and even got a few numbers. I was taking it one step at a time and it was becoming easier and easier, or so I thought... it wasn't until last weekend when I saw this girl who worked at a clothing store and all my confidence went straight out the window. I've talked to a lot of girls I found attractive without feeling nervous, but all it took was a smile and a hello from this girl and I my heart started beating super fast and my whole body felt really hot. I wanted to talk to her but I was a little bitch and left without saying anything. I went home that night thinking, meh, I'll forget her the next day. A week later I'm still thinking about her and it's killing me inside. I talked to a lot of friends and they all said to go back and talk to her and that I have everything to gain and nothing to lose. I don't know why I feel the way I do about this girl because I never even met her, I don't even know her name, but I wanna get to know her, so I'm going back tomorrow and taking a chance.
TL;DR: | I pussied out on an opportunity to talk to a girl and I'm going back tomorrow to talk to her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: After painfully breaking up with my first boyfriend a month ago, I (20/f) was asked to see a movie and drink wine by a new guy (21/m). Any and all advice is appreciated! :)
POST: I am a girl (20 y/o) and I am going over to a boy's house to watch a movie with him (Gladiator, I picked it cause I've never seen it) and drink wine. Last month I went through a painful breakup when I discovered my ex cheated on me (feel free to look at my comment history for info on that). I kinda still feel in love with my ex but it is definitely fading, and this semi-date will help me move on.
The boy I am supposed to see the movie with (I will call him Will) has been texting me steadily the past 3 days. We talk about everything and nothing haha. Just like our interests and joking around. But we talk constantly, we have sent quite a few texts each day. (i hope he does not have reddit, haha).
Any advice? I haven't really done this with boys. I've only had one boyfriend. I just want to get to know this kid better and see if something can happen from here. Should I lean on him? Should I crack jokes during the movie? Should I bring popcorn? Should I hook up with him (just kissing) after the movie and then leave? Will he think something is wrong if I do not kiss him at all?
TL;DR: | went through a painful breakup a month ago, going to see a movie and drink wine with a kid who thinks I am cute. Need advice on how to act |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22F] completely trust my husband [26M] (married 1 year), but he doesn't trust me. He constantly looks through my phone and social media.
POST: I trust my husband with everything. I've never cheated. The most I've done while in a relationship with him was text an ex of mine (who was still my friend) and not tell him he was an ex. Apparently that wrecked all the trust he ever had with me. (He found out by going through old texts in my phone) I haven't talked to my ex since, and completely deleted him from my life.
However, my husband is constantly looking through my Facebook, my messages on my phone, my Web history whenever I'm not around. I get that he is jealous, but it's really getting out of control. I asked him about it, and he doesn't deny it, but I don't think he sees a problem with it.
I will voluntarily let him use my phone and go through it if he wants, I have nothing to hide. I just feel as though he's checking in because he thinks I'm up to something, which I'm not.
And even though I have offered for him to use my phone to Google something or call someone or whatever he wants if he doesn't have his phone, he refuses to let me use his if I don't have my phone. I don't think he's cheating, I just think he's hiding something, and I have no idea what. I don't know how to talk to him about this without making him angry.
TL;DR: | My husband doesn't trust me, but has no reason not to. He won't let me use his phone, but is constantly looking through mine when I'm not around. How do I talk to him about this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [24F] Boyfriend [20M] Wants to have Friend who's a Girl
POST: My boyfriend of 1 years and 9 months and I have had a near perfect relationship, aside from me having jealousy issues. In the beginning of out relationship I didn't have much of a problem with him having female friends, until one of them started being a bitch to me. She kept saying negative things about me and tried suggesting that he breaks up with me, after that I stopped letting him have friends who are girls. He's now in a college course with this girl who he talks to, they text eachother and stuff. He lets me read through their conversations and it seems platonic, and he asked if he could hang out with her outside of the school, but I still have possessive feelings for him and don't know if I want him hanging out with another girl. I also don't want to seem controlling of him. Maybe I could let him but only if I'm there? What do you think I can do to handle this? Thanks :)
TL;DR: | I'm having issues with letting my boyfriend be friends with a girl. I've had negative experiences with that in the past and I'm not sure I feel like it's okay for him to be friends with her or not. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: The only titles I can think of sound really dorky.
POST: Created an alternate account for this.
I'm a youngin' (18 years old, final year of high school), so I don't have a wealth of experience with this type of thing, so here goes.
Fell in love with this girl and flirted with her for around 6 months before we started dating. I'd known her since year 7 (around 12 years old) and we had been pretty good friends. Our relationship was a brief 4 months, full of joy and confusion. It clearly wasn't working out, at one point we both agreed we weren't really "feeling it" and she broke it off. This was also my first serious relationship and I didn't exactly know what I was doing, but anyway. This was about a year ago or longer.
I've come to grips with the fact that she didn't want to be in a relationship with me. I can deal with that fine, but she is always in my head. But that was over a year ago. I still think about her the same amount as I did when we first broke up. Is this a regular experience?
It probably isn't helping that I see her nearly every day at school. She's in my extended group of friends. We attend the same parties sometimes. She's also in my art class. I've even been trying to avoid contact with her. The only times I talk to her are when she speaks to me first (I have had about 2 long conversations with her since, but never anything regarding our previous or current feelings for each other).
To be honest, I haven't even been taking too much notice of this whole charade until a couple of weeks ago. It hadn't bothered me too much until I started having these weird dreams where she kisses me or we're back together and enjoying each other. Why do I have these dreams all of a sudden? They're starting to really bother me and cause me to feel really depressed when I wake up every morning and have to go see her at school.
Why can't I get over these feelings? Anything I can do to help speed it along? I know it'll probably take more time and that the "first love hurts the worst". I guess I just need to hear something reassuring.
TL;DR: | Broke up with first girlfriend about a year ago. Haven't stopped thinking about her. Recently started having vivid dreams of us getting back together which are really fucking depressing.*** |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Took the 0% - what to do with the cash?
POST: I recently purchased a new car and took the 0% for 60 month financing option in lieu of a $1250 rebate. Now, I had the cash for the vehicle set aside and could have paid for it, but it seemed that $40k invested in pretty much anything would have been the better way to go. Anyone have any advise on how to use that cash?
Having it sitting in a a savings account paying .90% ($360 per year) is, I suppose, one option. I also like the idea that monthly payment could come right out of the savings account and draw down for the next 5 years, and I can pretend that it never touches my cash flow. I can keep contributing to my savings, 401k, mortgage, etc. as though it never happened. I don't "need" the money, it was above an beyond my emergency fund. I've considered a bond ETF (BOND), or something with more than zero risk. I'm comfortable with more than zero risk, but also like the idea that I could just pay the thing off if I ever wanted or needed to.
TL;DR: | Took the 0 percent for 60 months... what to do with $40k that's low, but not zero risk. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend (25m) and I (25f) don't seem to have time for each other.
POST: Dating for four years...recently (last 3 weeks) my boyfriend and I don't seem to have time for one another. Or it's more like he doesn't have time for me. We are seeing each other 2 times a week (Saturday and Sunday) but they are only for social events that we already have commitments to. Double date with friends, sports game which we already have tickets to. I can't remember the last time him and I just sat down and talked. Like really talked. I want that and I've expressed that to him...maybe not obviously enough but we are so on the surface right now. We'll talk on the phone for 10 minutes and our conversations usually go like this: "How's work? Good, you?" and we are done within a few minutes.
----------
He is too busy to respond to texts and sometimes cancels dates. I try not to get upset but I do. He thinks that I get mad at him but I just get disappointed in the situation. I know he is really busy with work. I guess I'm looking for some ways to cope with this. Do I try and talk to him again? We are tentatively hanging out Friday because we have tickets to a sports game...so he can't really avoid me. I have friends and I see them. I have a busy life too. I work full time and exercise regularly as well as indulge in hobbies but I've been feeling really very lonely and neglected. Advice?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend is too busy to put in time with me. I've tried to talk to him but it has not gotten better. We only see each other for social events with other people. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [36 F] with my ex [36 M] of several years, who wants me back but wants to keep his options open too
POST: I've been in an on/off long-distance relationship with "Pete" for 5 years. We were supposed to move in together, but I got cold feet when I suspected him of cheating on me with his female best friend Pam, and we fought then "took a break" which ended up lasting 8 months. During this time I struggled with a family member's sickness and death, a serious health crisis of my own, and lots of talking with Pete through it all - we remained good friends. We have similar tastes and senses of humor, we have so much fun together, and he is the only person in the world who really "gets" me.
Last month I asked him if he would reconsider our relationship, and he agreed that was something he wanted too. We both admitted we still love each other.
Then he told me that he had 2 conditions:
One, he needed me to be OK with his continued friendship with Pam. He admitted to me that while we were taking our break, he had slept with someone, and while he won't tell me who, I'm fairly certain it's her. I don't want to ask because it won't help to know. He was dumbfounded that I was hurt to learn he had slept with someone, and I know, I know, it was 8 months and it's stupid but I thought we were working through things together at the time. We talked all the time. Had I known he had moved on I might've done the same.
Two, he needs us to "stay non-exclusive for a while", although he has "no one else on the horizon". He said he doesn't want to sleep around, but if he meets someone "perfect for him" while we are working out our problems, that he doesn't want to deal with my "crazy jealousy" anymore. He says it is unfair of me to ask him to be exclusive when we're not even in the same state, and he is convinced this is why we didn't work last time. If these two conditions aren't met, a relationship is out of the question.
TL;DR: | Long-distance ex says he still loves me but wants to play the field, too. I love him but this is killing me, how do I deal with it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] with my friend [18F ], she agreed on going out in a date with me but said she alredy has a boyfriend. Maybe she was joking or what?
POST: Hi guys,
throwaway account since I think she remebers my username.
Anyway, I met this girl, M, a week ago during a small vacation in Germany. During our time there we went out a couple of times (always with a friend of her present since she was travelling with her), always having a good time. She is super cute, and we have a lot of things in common, like both nerdish, love the same tv-shows/films, etc.
After we both went back to our hometown, I asked her out for this Saturday, but her reply was something along the lines of "ahahah no I can't, I am busy with my boyfriend this saturday, but we could do anytime you want on Sunday" .
Soooo... Wtf is happening? During our time together she never mentioned a boyfriend, and now she drops the bomb but still wants to meet me up. I guess it can't be just a friendship thing even in her eyes, since I have only known her for like a week, and we would be meeting alone.
She didn't seem that kind of girl, but I really don't know at this point.
Anyway, I won't be around for a couple of weeks, so we both agreed to meet up when I'll be back, but I don't really know what to do, but I do really want to know either she was joking(???) about having a boyfriend, or what she thinks we would be doing/what she expects from meeting up alone with me.
How can I ask her that, without showing up like an idiot/creeper/dunno what? She is i think a lot younger than me, don't know how to approach the situation.
TL;DR: | lonely guy,met girl in vacation, asked her out, she said yes but told me she has a boyfriend. What to do/How to clarify our situation? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I'm 29/m starting to date someone (25/m) but still haunted by the past
POST: I met someone (44/m) in 2008. We had a tumultuous relationship for the first couple of years: it was a complete emotional rollercoaster. Nevertheless, I married him in 2011, thinking that it would better our relationship. Of course it was a bad idea. It never truly did. He was always jealous and very controlling. He didn't let me have friends and he even tried to separate me from my family. I didn't realize what he was doing for a few more years. Even when he physically hit me a few times, I blamed myself. Thankfully, I left him last July and started a new life. I went through a lot of hard times (emotionally and financially), but now I couldn't be happier with my life. The only regret I have is that I ever met him, but it has made me a better person.
A couple of months ago, I met someone (25/m). He's very sweet and we get along very well. We've been taking it slow: going on weekly dates since late January, with each date getting better. We are definitely getting more intimate. It feels like we're going into relationship territory soon, but haven't had "the talk" about our status yet.
Nevertheless, I feel nervous about telling him about being legally married. I have started the divorce process, but it'll probably go on for a couple more months. What should I do? Should I tell him everything now? Or wait until I'm certain about the direction of our relationship?
TL;DR: | I'm legally married but separated and dating someone new. Should I tell him now or when I know that we're definitely in a relationship? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How closely do bounty hunters have to follow the law?
POST: Last night, I went to a friends house and a bunch of us were hanging out. One of the guys brought a guy he sorta knew (we'll call him Jake) to join us, and he gave us all some free drugs. Most of the people go out to a bar, and some of us stay. Jake returns, and we find out via a cell phone call that there are some guys (we were told they were undercover cops) looking for him. Jake leaves his drugs at the house and leaves.
About 20 minutes later, one of the guys leaves to go see if Jake is okay, and these guys end up following him to the door. They demand to talk to the owner and see all of the guys' IDs and ask if Jake Lastname is there. We say we know a guy named Jake but we don't know his last name, and that he already left. The guys begin to get their IDs, but the owner of the apartment asks if they can talk outside, and the two men say no, the door has to stay open, and make sure to show us their badges very quickly, implying that they were police officers. We say that they need a warrant to come in, and they tell us that they don't and that we're aiding and abetting a fugitive and are all gonna spend up to 12 years in jail.
My friend (stupidly) puts his hand on one of the guys, since he's trying to force his way in, and the guy immediately starts going off on how he has now assaulted a federal officer and is in deep shit. Another one of the guys says that we don't know where the guy is and wants to know what they want from us, and the guy says that he's clearly drunk and could be arrested too... even though we're in a private residence. He says that he doesn't want trouble with the police, and the guy says **"We're not cops."** This entire time, they have been implying that they're cops. Turns out they're bounty hunters.
Eventually they call the police, and the police search the place (with a warrant), and arrest one of the guys on a few year old MIP that he never paid for.
TL;DR: | While there are some things that were handled wrong on our end, do bounty hunters not need to say that they're bounty hunters and can they imply they're police officers? And do they not really need a warrant? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (M19) just went through a serious breakup (M20) and my guy friend (M29) is already hitting on me...?
POST: For the past year and a half (since we were 18) I have been dating my childhood best friend. I couldn't be with him anymore mostly due to his parents and I just broke up with him a few days ago.
We still love each other very much and are both devastated, but I know it can't work; he however won't give up on me and says he will always wait for me. We will always remain best friends, anything else is out of the question.
For the past couple of months I've been spending time and playing guitar with a new guy friend (who is by the way 10 years my senior), it has obviously been 100% platonic because of my relationship but I've developed a crush over the past week or so.
We spent some time together yesterday for the first time after my breakup (it's only been a couple of days) and he was noticeably more snuggly. He even gave me a tiny kiss on top of my head, and his hand brushed very lightly across my breast at one point when he had his arm around me watching tv. It seemed entirely accidental but I know guys well enough to know that that sort of thing is intentional nearly every time, especially if they don't jerk away and apologize immediately!
I had a feeling he liked me but he was always respectful of my relationship, but even though I'm single now this seems way too fast. My best friend/ex obviously doesn't want to see me dating again, and while it is no longer technically his business, I also care about his feelings and I don't want to move on too fast and hurt him any worse than I already have. I also question why my friend would start being so flirty immediately instead of giving me time.
Is my friend just trying to hook up with me? I would think so after his behavior yesterday, but at the same time we have become such good friends and he knows me and cares about me as a person. Should I stay away simply to be respectful of my best friend/ex? I'm overwhelmed with confusion and a horribly heavy burden of guilt.
What on earth am I supposed to do?
Thanks for your time and help!
TL;DR: | Just ended a long term relationship and my guy friend is already putting the moves on me. Does he only want sex? And should I feel this horribly guilty about it all? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Going on "dates" vs. "dating," what is normal as far as exclusivity?
POST: I've been on a few dates with a woman, we are both in our early 40s and divorced with kids of our own. I told her I am enjoying her company and getting to know her. But I was clear that this was going to be a slow process, as I wasn't ready for a relationship. There has been nothing physical between us. She asked if I was going to "date" other women. I said that I would go on a date with another woman, but I'm not looking for "dating" as in a relationship, so it would be very casual. She said she didn't think 2 people could get to know one another if one person was still willing to date around. My opinion is that "going on dates" is casual, and as long as people are honest about it, it's not a big deal. I said I'm not looking for casual sex.
Anyhow, she said that this is not normal, that people can only go on dates with one person, and if that doesn't work out, they move on. So her point of view is you go exclusive and only go on dates with one person until you aren't "dating" them anymore. I think that's already jumping into exclusivity, which is "dating" and a "relationship."
Am I off base here? Don't people go on dates with different people until they decide to enter into a relationship (and then sometimes not even then?). Maybe I'm missing something here... was married for a long time until a few years ago...
TL;DR: | in your 40s, is it normal to go on dates with more than one person or do people go exclusive from the start? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Love is a douche[M18][F18]
POST: This is the situation.
I began on a new school last year, and in my class was a really nice girl. We quickly started to like eachother, and we talked alot.
Another person (M) who was seen as the clown of the class, who everyone thought would never get a girlfriend rarely speaked to this girl, and i felt confident about asking her out after a few months.
On a tuesday, the week i had planned to ask her out on the friday i see a thing on Facebook.
They had gone into a relationship.
This felt horrible, and i felt betrayed, because this guy had spent no time at all with this girl, and i had spent months with her, and i started to dislike this guy, my own friend.
They have been dating for about 4 months now, and i hate it, and still love her. I still hangout with both of them, and like them for who they are, but hate them for being together.
Everytime i see her i feel horrible, and im deppressed.
Reddit, what the fuck should i do?
TL;DR: | I loved a girl, she got into a relationship, but still hang with me. And i still love her more than ever. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27 F] with my ex [25 M] of 4.5 years. He's moving on quickly, and I'm losing my resolve to not date for 1-2 years
POST: I broke up with my ex four months ago after 4.5 years together. He lives halfway across the country now, and we had a ton of issues, so no part of me wants him back. My question is, how short is too short to move on from our LTR?
A couple months after we broke up, I created an OkCupid profile that said I was looking for "short-term dating." I went on a few dates, but it felt so wrong because a) I knew I wasn't over my ex, and b) I wanted to be single for 1-2 years. I'm not into casual sex anymore, so it didn't make sense to date at all. I deactivated my account.
Fast forward to today, when I realized I was about to get charged for another month of A-List. I logged back in to downgrade my account, and I couldn't resist the urge to check my ex's new city for a sign of him. I found his profile rather quickly and was a little shocked by what I saw. Not only does he have an active account, but he's also looking for "long-term dating"! Am I crazy, or is that way too soon?
What are your thoughts on length of being single after a LTR? What's normal and what isn't? The thought of having another boyfriend right now exhausts me. But my hurt feelings are making me want to reach out to the men in my life for sex or comfort. However, that need is precisely why I know I need to be single right now. I want to learn more about myself and what I want over the next year or two, that way I'll be emotionally healthy and in a position to find the man of my dreams.
One of the reasons this situation is so painful for me is that we mainly broke up because he moved away for medical school, and one of the many reasons I didn't tag along was because he told me he might not have time for a relationship. But what do you know—he has plenty of time!
TL;DR: | Ex is moving on after a measly four months. How long does it take you? And how can I get past this so I can keep my promise to myself to stay single for awhile? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Having friends "choose sides" in a breakup... How do I deal/cope/explain my situation to my friends?
POST: Me: 25/F, my exbf is a 29/M. We broke up about a month and a half ago. We were together for about 2 years. It was my decision in the end to break up, there were things that I wanted/needed that he couldn't give me, and visa versa.
I understand that in breakups, your mutual friends take sides, and choose one party over the other.
Most of my friends, supported me in the breakup. Except one couple. I play on one of their sports teams, and we spend 1-2 days out of the week together (both hanging out and with sports). However, they still interact with him, and it tends to come up when I see them, or when I see their social media profiles. I feel very immature and childish for feeling as if this is an issue. But I don't know how to tell them, that if they want to be friends with my ex, that is fine, but I am not in a place yet, where I want to have my ex in my life, even if via other people.
I don't want to make them "choose a side" per say, but I need some advice on how to explain to them the situation that I am in, and that If they want to continue to have a friendship with my ex, that I am not ready to have them as friends yet.
Any advice would be appreciated.
TL;DR: | How do I ask my friends to "choose a side" or to explain to them my situation when they hang out with my exbf without sounding childish? |
SUBREDDIT: r/cats
TITLE: My cat is my mom's hero.
POST: I got a phone call from my mom last night and she told me I wasn't allowed to have my cat returned to me when I moved into a larger place. I recently took him to live with my parents since my apartment is so small and I felt bad for him not getting a chance to run like I see him do at their house. Well the reason she doesn't want to give him back is she when she was watching television a huge spider was walking across the floor. She was starting to get nervous and called out to my dad a few times but he was outside and couldn't hear her. This is when my cat strolls in, notices the spider, and went into attack mode. He does a few butt wiggles, leaps, and the spider is struck down. She then said he took a good 3 minutes to enjoy his nice spidery treat.
TL;DR: | My cat killed and ate a spider to save my mom from certain death and now she doesn't want to give him back. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Advice please- I called out his best friend's name.
POST: I (f, 24) have been seriously dating my boyfriend (m, 25- Let's say his name is John) for about 4 months. We have a really great relationship and care about one another quite a bit and have never argued, until now.
John's best friend "Tony" always hangs out with us. It's not a problem- we have all been friends for a long time. However, recently I started having dreams of Tony. Not always sexual but some have been and now I am concerned as a few nights ago I called out his name in my sleep (no I do not remember the dream).
I actually have no desire to date, or even fuck Tony. Yet John and I have been getting into silly arguments recently where he accuses me of wanting him, or if I do something different in bed he gets upset and asks if I was thinking of Tony again.
Please help. I have told John time and time again it is not like that, but I do not have a way to reassure him other than just saying I don't- which isn't working.
TL;DR: | I had a dream of my boyfriend's best friend and called out his name in my sleep. Simply saying it was nothing is not working, what else can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22 F] befriended a guy [30-40 M] who is taken with kids on a gaming site and am unsure if he wants friendship or romance
POST: Hi folks!
I recently started talking to a guy on gaming website (about a month ago) who lives in the same city as me. The site we met on is NOT a dating site, so it is not automatically assumed that either one of us is looking to date/hook up. We started chatting about our mutual shared interests, and soon began talking every day. He is smart, funny and good looking and pretty much great in every way. Pretty early on in our conversation he told me he has children, and then he later divulged he had a partner. This was not a problem for me as I liked talking to him, but recently things have begun developing further in a way that I am uncomfortable to go, as he has a partner.
We started IMing about a week ago, and a few days ago spoke using FaceTime. Nothing sexual/romantic was involved in either conversations, but it seems to be going that way as our conversations have taken on a rather flirty undertone. He has not outright propositioned me, or even said that he is interested in me that way, but he said that he really likes talking to me and has complimented my appearance in ways that make me think he is interested in me. Maybe it is presumptuous of me to think this, but what else could he possibly be after? Why else would an older man with children and a job be talking to a broke uni student 10 years his junior? I really like talking to him, and if he was not involved with someone else I would consider taking things further with him, but as it stands I do not want to be involved with a taken man in any capacity other than friendship. But what I don't understand is, if he wants to cheat on his partner with me, why would he tell me about her? Is he an idiot, or just supremely confident?
So, reddit, what should I do? Should I continue talking to him and pray he doesn't proposition me? Or tell him straight out I won't help him cheat on his wife? Or just say fuck it, and go for the Lana Del Rey lifestyle?
TL;DR: | i struck up a friendship who has a partner/kids on a non-dating internet site and i'm not sure what his intentions are towards me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Accidentally insulted my friend, he doesn't believe me that I didn't mean it the way it sounded, what do?
POST: I have a friend who is a stay at home dad, I think that's fantastic not only because it means his girls get a strong male role model but also because it means he's always available to play video games with.
Recently he asked me on Threema which band I liked better "Men at work" or "AC/DC". I replied with an admitted bad attempt at a joke **about the band** by saying
> i like men \*who\* work better, but ACCA DACCA is pretty sweet.
No sooner had I pressed send than I realised how he was going to take it and started trying to explain myself. But it was too late, the damage was done and he now thinks I think less of him because he's a stay at home dad. He's refusing to talk to me. What do I do?
TL;DR: | Told a bad joke about a band, causing my stay at home dad friend to think I was belittling him. What do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I AM ANGRY. He [26M] cheated on me [25F][6 mo relationship] and I want to do something about it.
POST: My boyfriend of 6 months cheated on me last week, lied about it, broke up with me two days after the deed, and then came clean and told me that he cheated the day after he broke up with me. He threw things at me like "I don't deserve your love" and "You're better than this". Cliche bullshit. I am pissed off. I am hurt. And he's happy as a clam and is already slutting his way around town.
**Things I really want to do**
* Fuck up his car to the point that it's totaled (something serious but subtle so that it can be blamed on "bad luck" instead of me).
* Rig his toilet to flood the first floor of his house (again, could just be bad luck...).
* Start a smear campaign to let all his friends know he's a cheater.
* Punch him in the face.
Now I understand that I should "take the high road" and the "best revenge is to be happy" but that is so damn unsatisfying. I've never wished someone so much ill will and it makes me feel sick. Can I pull the crazy ex-girlfriend card without regretting it? Even just a little bit?
TL;DR: | I want to go full crazy-ex and make his life as miserable as I feel after he cheated. Hold me back, bro. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Long distance?
POST: throwaway cause I know people on reddit
**Backstory:**
I went to another town for Halloween its about 6 hours away. I had a great time while there. I danced with one particular girl and got a kiss and her number as we went our separate ways. I called her later that night and we met up @ about 4am and stayed up talking and fooling around until 10 when I had to leave. We both were really into each other and I have **never** felt this way about a girl before. I've only had one girlfriend before and that was 5 years ago in HS.
I can't stop thinking about her. I can't believe someone like her even exits but at the same time I don't know if it is myself crushing to hard or if it is legitimate.
Right now I would be more than happy to be in a relationship with her but I don't know if its plausible. Ive always talked poorly of long distance relationships(when single) saying things like it wont work/ too much temptation blah blah blah. I know there are people who can make it work from a far distance like this but not sure if I can.
I know I/we can handle the situation on our own but I just want some input from someone with a little more knowledge/exp than myself.
Thanks!!
TL;DR: | Met a girl like no other I have ever come across. I feel like I am falling hard but am not sure what to do about the distance between us. :( |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I stop myself from checking on my ex's facebook from time to time?
POST: I am 21F, he is 25M, we were together for 3y and he broke up with me last christmas, I have moved on since (moved on = don't hurt/angry/sad when I think about him/memories of us) but because his facebook password is my name (still is, even after his r/s after me ended), I will still log in to check how he is doing. I started doing so after he texted me about 10mths after we break up to "find out how I am doing" but I gave him one word replies because I didn't see a need to talk to him/don't think exes can be friends..
I know he is currently single and actively trying to chase a girl and I am not jealous or anything, I just have a very bad habit of logging into his account. I try to stop myself and I manage to hold up for a day or so before I crumble. I don't have him on my facebook either...
I know I deserved to be called a bitch by the reddit community as this is a violation of privacy, I know it. I would like to have some past experience advice of some sort, how did yall cope not knowing how your ex is doing?
TL;DR: | checks up on ex by logging into his fb cos the password is my name, would like to hear some past experiences and how you stop yourself from doing so. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 F] with my classmate [27 F] of a few weeks, she keeps intruding on my space at the library
POST: Hi everyone,
I am just looking for an outsider's perspective on how to address my classmate's somewhat intrusive behavior. I gave one of my classmates my number so we could text each other before our first test with study tips. I regret this, because things have gotten a little weird, and there are only about 8 of us in the class so I can't just try to hide from her.
I work full time and am taking biochemistry at a community college. Twice a week I head straight from my work to the library to study before my night class. I literally get text messages like, "I saw you in the parking lot, where are you sitting?" and even if I ignore them she always finds me and has questions about the class that don't help me learn at all, often times she doesn't let me finish explaining or researching the answer. This distracts me a lot and wastes valuable time since I am a busy gal, I really prefer to study alone. She has joked about how I'm her personal tutor. She will also sometimes butt in on my studying and then ramble about things that are going on in her personal life. I get distracted by noise so I really can't study well somewhere else like a Starbucks, plus the library is free and located right by my lecture.
I frequently get text messages from her asking me for videos that could help her, or with questions that she has about the material.
I truly don't think she has bad intentions - I think she works hard like I do and is confused by this class, and is maybe just kind of lonely with poor social skills. Can you please give me some advice as to how I can set some boundaries without being mean?
TL;DR: | Classmate won't stop bothering me in the library when I am studying, how can I politely tell her to give me some space? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I[31M] decline a business partnership [29M] offer without burning a bridge?
POST: I'm in the process of starting a localized business, and was contacted by someone that has a similar business in another part of the country. We have yet to discuss specifics, but he is offering a partnership, which would include access to his established software, business contacts, and his experience.
While it is a great opportunity, I have taken a test run of his software, and don't love it. I would like to develop my own, but his, along with his branding, is something that seems non-negotiable. I would like to have a relationship in which we bounce ideas off each other, and he has mentioned that this would be an option, but is really trying to sell the partnership route.
My question is, how do I politely decline this partnership offer without burning the bridge? I get a feeling from him that he is very proud of his software and branding, and anything alluding to a rejection of it will be taken as an insult. He does have experience in the industry, and I am very interested in this, but not to have to deviate from the path I would like to take the company.
TL;DR: | Approached by someone with experience when starting my own company, unsure how to decline partnership offer without offending and ruining chance for further relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFUS By booking a flight wrong
POST: Hello reddit, I actually just realized my mistake about 15 minutes ago.
For Christmas this year we were given a couple of weeks off from work, so I thought it would be nice to go on a vacation with my boyfriend since he missed out on the vacation I went on a month ago (he doesn't have a passport).
I booked a "last minute" flight for us on the 23rd, would have the bf open his gift on the 27th and we'd be flying to our destination the morning of the 28th and be back a week later for our first day of work. I was so excited and talked at great lengths with my mother - telling her how excited he will be since he wants to show me his home province so badly, etc.
Well, as I was laying in bed tonight I decided to check and see what time we would be back home at, to know if work the next day will suck or not (by being tired)... only to notice the return date listed as "Feb 3". Thinking to myself, "that's not right" I ran downstairs to check my computer and confirm and found out that I don't know how to read dates: I had booked our "perfect vacation" a month *later* than I intended.
So I'm in tears right now since I don't know what to do. We move into our own place on Jan 15, so money is going to be a bit tight, plus of we go on this trip we miss *another* week of work. If we don't go then I lose $3000.
I don't know if work will let us have the days off, I think I'm going to send a text to my immediate boss tomorrow and see if she thinks it'll work.
I feel like a complete idiot now and am scared that it's not going to work, or will cause big issues now with work or our living situation.
TL;DR: | booked an expensive vacation a month later than I thought. Might have trouble being able to get yet another week off of work to actually go now. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by leading a guy on
POST: Actually last weekend, but I still feel bad about it.
I just moved to a new city so I've been going to Meetup events. There was a house party on Saturday, so I put on my dancing shoes and headed over. The party was fine, lots of 20-30 something nerds playing beer pong and eating snacks. I wandered outside and found some people eating a sandwich (in the [How I Met Your Mother] sense), and decided to join them. One of the guys was cute, not really my type, but at a party full of strangers I decided to talk to him.
Fast forward a few hours and a few sandwiches, the party is dying down and this guy wants to go to a diner near his house for waffles. I decide (maybe stupidly) to go, as does one other guy. So we go to the diner, I order cheese fries and immediately become unimpressed by anything else. Waffle boy asks if I want to go back to his house, he has a *fancy* sandwich there. In my defense, he wasn't making any obvious advances, I guess I thought maybe it was just friendly? In more likelihood, after drinking and smoking for hours, I just didn't think anything at all.
Predictably, back at his house he starts laying on the moves and I realize I am just NOT interested in that at all. It wasn't his fault, I just wasn't feeling it. I made excuses and left and now I feel like a huge bitch. I know I'm under no obligation to sleep with him or whatever, but still, TIFU.
TL;DR: | Met a guy at a party, talked for awhile, went to a diner, went back to his place, rejected the hook up, went home. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Are my [f26] feelings normal or unhealthy after a break up?
POST: Background: I had been infatuated with the guy [26] for two years before he finally reciprocated in December. After getting together he went nearly NC for two weeks. He admitted it's because he couldn't make his illogical feelings logical (?). He admitted to jerking me around while he figured it out, told me he has trust issues even with his family and that he was crying over this. I jumped to super care mode and told him I wanted him I wanted to help and I was all in if he was.
He wasn't. He came over and dumped me on Saturday. He told me i was more emotionally invested in him and he'd realized that when I texted him these things (yes, my bad.) I told him to leave and that was that. I went NC and deleted him from everything.
How I feel now: Now I am stuck. I clearly idealized this boy. I think about him and the break up all day all the time. I can't stop. I think about how I messed up, how he messed up, how to try and fix it, how to stop thinking about him, how to get closure, should I apologize for being too needy, how I am never going to find someone etc. I didn't have these intense of feelings after breaking up with my last BF after 6 years.
Question: Am I going crazy? Is the amount I am thinking about the break up unhealthy? I feel like I can't help obsessing. I do have an anxiety disorder that flairs up when I am stressed. I have medicated the last three nights to sleep. Should I seek help for my constant intrusive thoughts?
I really need someone to provide some advice. My family and friends are not within physical distance right now.
TL;DR: | I had a short lived relationship with a guy I had liked for years. After the break up, I feel like I am obsessing too much over the break up and I am unsure how healthy or natural my feelings are. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Shitty neighbors.
POST: So the people who live below me are in their 30s. All 3 smoke. Not just cigarettes, but also weed that smells like my butthole. I took toilet paper, wiped my ass, smelled it, and it was that. I'm fine with all that, if they did it once in a while. Among them they seem to smoke every 3 hours including late into the night. This means I have to close my windows because all that smoke goes directly into the apartment.
Dumbass number 1 apparently had a kid with Dumbass number 2 (who lives there, poor fucking kid), not married of course, and Dumbass number 3 is some Seth Rogan sounding fellow who seems to live there and I don't even know if he actually lives there. Not only do they get their ass smoke in my apartment, but they are loud as fuck when they go into their patio. I can hear them talking about bullshit with the windows closed. Whatever, I can deal with that. But then they do it at night sometimes too. Especially weekends. Well they're allowed to keep it up until 12 a.m. so it's all good. No, of course they do it past that time.
I'm only 21 yet I'm apparently more of an adult than them.
TL;DR: | I'm either posting a passive aggressive note on their door or pissing on dumbasses through my window. They're always drunk, maybe they'll enjoy it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Rejected from job, feel cheated.
POST: Basically after working a trial shift at a popular coffee chain I was rejected. Of course i wanted to know why, so i asked.
She replied with something along the lines of 'lack of presence, in n these times you could have asked if anything needed filling' and 'lack of confidence when approached by customers'
first of all i need to say the above is bullshit. i was out back 90% of the time washing up and when i wasnt out back i was clearing tables and wiping them. it was a very busy day so i was doing this continuously. so freaking excuse me if there was a lack of presence, i was hard at work out back and around! what do you want me to do! and the rare times i waited a couple of minutes for some more tables to finish, i disctintly remember asking if there was anything else i could help with, even at one point asking to help with a delivery.
the same applies to customers approaching me, idk, maybe no customers approached me BECAUSE I WAS SO BUSY OUT BACK? but thats not the only thing, /I/ approached customers! i held solid conversations and small talk with them! no problems at all!
so i think these 'problems' that clearly werent problems, is just her polite way of saying i didn't talk to the staff members enough.
but that's so unfair it pisses me off. how do you expect me to show you my personality and be talkative when i'm so busy and you have given me the busy task.
this makes me feel extremely cheated because i thought i did really well when they told me i was the only one that did a lot of work on their trial. now i realise i would have been better off having hardly any work like the others, cause i could have talked with the colleagues and maybe attempt to get them to like me. like the ones who got the job probably did. i hope those people fail and the lose the job when they realise they cant cope with a busy atmosphere. sorry but i do.
this is probably a petit first world problem but god am i so fucking frustrated with this. it is so unfair.
TL;DR: | was busy on my work trial and this gave me a disadvantage becuase i couldnt talk to my colleagues and show them my personality |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [19m] met this girl [19f] two weeks ago, I want to tell her how I am feeling about her before Christmas break...[Update]
POST: [Original post](
Ok, so about an hour ago I had her in my arms, literally. We were just finishing up an episode of our show we started watching together (white collar, 10/10 would recommend by the way). And I stopped Netflix from going to the next episode so we could talk for a bit between episodes like we normally do. Literally right after doing this and as I was turning my head as if to talk to her (I was actually going to kiss her) she announces that she needs to go. She explained that she needed to study for her tests some more and needed to get to bed early (even though she had no tests tomorrow, it is totally understandable, its finals week after all). So naturally that kinda put a stop to my plan to kiss her.
I lightly attempted to get her to stay for 10 or 15 more minutes, but she insisted that she had to go. I walked her to her car hugged her goodbye for what could be the last time ever. You are probably saying, "How stupid is he, you should have kissed her when you walked her to her car!". Believe me I thought about it, but she needed to go and that would have only made her stay yet longer, and that is not when I wanted to kiss her anyway. We discussed trying to get together one more time before the break, but I honestly don't know if it will happen.
So here is what I need to ask this time. What should I do now? Hope that we see each other one more time? Give up and just let her go? Try and meet with her to say goodbye before she leaves and kiss her then? Should I call her and talk with her tonight, or another night?
Damn me and my ability to catch the feels, and for not acting fast enough on them.
TL;DR: | Had the girl, was gonna kiss the girl, girl had to leave, didn't get to kiss the girl, don't know if I will see the girl again, don't know what to do. Damnit. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: [Warner Robins, GA] Can my landlord enforce an automatic renewal clause on my lease agreement?
POST: I have a lease agreement ending October 26th for my apartment. The landlord requires 60 days advance notice of ending the lease or moving out and I only gave the landlord 45 days. They say I need to pay rent until November 10th. In the lease agreement, there is an evergreen clause that says the lease will automatically renew until they are given 60 days' notice of intent to terminate the lease.
The lease was drafted in 2012 and in 2013 Georgia passed a law limiting evergreen clauses specifically in GA Code 13-12-2 (2014), which to summarize basically states that an automatic renewal provision needs to disclose it clearly and conspicuously on the rental agreement.
On my lease the renewal clause is written in the same font and text as everything else. In Lewis V. Citizens & S. Bank (1983), The Georgia Court of Appeals held that contract terms were disclosed "clearly" and "conspicuously" if they were in boldfaced font and in all capital letters. The provision in question is neither of those things, and when it was drafted, they couldn't have been following the law since the it was released a year later.
My question is if this clause is void in light of GA code 13-12-2 and what are my options if they try to enforce it?
TL;DR: | My landlord is trying to say I owe them money beyond the terms of my lease using an out-of-date automatic renewal clause. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Ex that wants to stay in contact... (sorry for the repost)
POST: Ook, uhm I don't really have any friends left in my old city. With the ones i do have left i really don't ask them for there help or opinion about anything to do with career or relationship. For the simple fact they don't know shit, and every time i ask them they have no answers, so i want to ask you oh great hive mind!
I broke up with my.... she broke up with me over the summer. There is no point of me to get into the whys. So it was pretty hard on me because it was my first relationship especially because it lasted a year. So for the past few weeks I've been handling it really well thoughts about her weren't creeping in as often. And i was starting to enjoy "being alone again".
But one day i jump onto facebook and see a message, i thought it was a message from my hippie friend about an article on here about the bullshit of homeopathy. But it was my ex pretty saying I'm sorry for how i broke up with you, i want to see how you are doing... I quote "i know your prolly mad at me, and im a little mad at u but i want to make up. I want to apologize for my wrong doings and im sorry if i hurt u".... Then of course it goes into I woundering if you want to talk again...
So yea i have an Ex asking if I want to still talk to her, i message her back saying whats up and how im feeling about the whole thing... But she hasnt messaged me back yet...
TL;DR: | Ex messaged me saying she wants to be friends, i said sure, she hasnt messaged back... Is she trolling or am i stupid? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Self-Injury Question
POST: Hey guys, when I was younger I went through some emotional trauma, and ended up cutting myself quite alot. I've got 40 scars on my wrists, but they've mostly faded, besides the basic lines of course, and 20 on my upper arms. Those on the upper arms turned into something worse unfortunately, in the form of very thick keloid scar tissue. As a result of this situation, I've avoided going to see the doctor for many years.
My question is this: I really need to go see a doctor to take care of myself, but I don't know how to address these issues in front of them. I'm sure as soon as I get a physical, I'm going to be asked about the very obvious scars on my arms, so what do I say? Do I lie? Do I tell the truth? What kind of insurance implications might this have, either now, or in the future?
Thank you in advance.
TL;DR: | Former self injurer with obvious scars needs to know how to deal with questions that any doctors might ask, and if there are any insurance implications if I tell the truth/lie. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[18M] have feelings for a girl[18] that I used to go to school with, but I'm starting to like her best friend[18F] as well...
POST: So, I've known that first girl, K, for about four years. I always thought she was cool, but I only started having these kinds of feelings for a few months. A couple of months after the feelings manifested I told her how I felt. She kinda brushed them off, but we're still friends.
She has this best friend, N, who's also really cool. I met N about six months ago, and I instantly thought she was really cool. I had a slight crush on her right away, but nothing that I thought was serious.
A couple of months ago K moved out of state, so I only talk to her via facebook and texting. Luckily, she just turned 18 and came back to town to visit. The two of us decided to hang out while she was here. I was freakishly happy for weeks. Now, we're hanging out this afternoon, but last night she suddenly tells me that N will be joining us.
This whole time I had been planning to evaluate how I feel around each of them separately, that way I could make a choice and stick with it. However, I don't know how to handle both of them at the same time. I talked to my counselor about my problem (not about hanging out with both at the same time, I didn't find out about that until after my session) and she says that I should ask K for permission to pursue N. She theorized that part of the conflict in my head is that I feel a devotion toward K and that I feel like I would be cheating on her in my brain. I really have no idea how to handle this, it was tough enough when it was just gonna be K.
If anyone has advice on what I should so, it would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.
TL;DR: | I have feelings for two girls, they're best friends, and I don't know how to handle being around both of them at the same time. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Broke up with my girlfriend because she didn't feel attracted by other guys. Did I do right?
POST: I've been with this girl for about 1 year. Today I told her something about a funny porn movie I've seen (that was supposed to show two naïve girls having their first experience together and then they did weird very porn-ish stuff with their foot) and she told me she thought I didn't watch porn. She said that, once with me, she didn't feel anything for porn or any other guys. And she started judging me, saying I was attracted by other women and that it wasn't cool. I said "but most of the times I watch porn I think about you", and she replied very ironic: "oh really? What about those two girls of the movie you said? Did you think of me and my doppelganger?". I told her it would be ok if she watched porn thinking about having sex with two guys at once, that it wasn't really a big deal, it was actually healthy.And then she asked me if I felt attracted by others in the streets. I said "slightly, but I just think of them as beautiful, I don't really get aroused or interested". She started crying and told me she didn't even notice any men in the streets. Then she got mad and ask me what would I think if she was "slightly" attracted by her boss (he is a handsome guy, indeed, saw him a couple of times), I said "it wouldn't be awesome, but as I trust you, it wouldn't really matter". She said she sees no one but me and I felt horrible that she was sad about my normal behavior (I can't pretend I don't ever fap thinking of other women, but I'm very faithful). I said that I couldn't handle that she is completely in to me, reproaching sexually normal conducts that I see as healthy, so I broke up with her. Half of my friends said I just did something terrible and that they'd kill for what I had. It all could also be a lie, but due to her familiar "culture", I think it's genuine. Did I do right, or am I a freak?
TL;DR: | girlfriend says she can't even watch porn or recognize a guy is handsome because of her feelings for me, I broke up with her and now I'm not so sure. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: My boss is a bully
POST: I have a side-job that I work at a few hours a week, and I absolutely love what I do and love the people I work with. Being part of that community makes me happier than anything else in my life right now. The only problem is that my boss is unethical. She's not always around, but when she is, she treats us all like garbage. She has a terrible temper and bullies everyone who works there. A few people have left because of this, but she will never learn. She also doesn't pay us what she owes us, and often doesn't pay us on time. I'm sharing this because I saw her yesterday and she made me feel really low. I normally defend myself against her but I didn't yesterday because she was raging so much that I felt like she would fire me. If she ever did, I would be incredibly miserable. I don't know what to do.
TL;DR: | I love my part-time job more than anything, but my boss bullies me (and everyone else). Not sure how to handle this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I have slightly different relationship problem, with my brother, who I don't want him to get into bad drugs.. without him knowing that I'm trying to stop anything.
POST: I think I should start with background, so you understand the type of person he is. My brother is in his early 20's, nearly finished with college, (the same one I go to, but rarely see him), and he lives of campus in the city. Around the time he started college he smoked cigarettes, weed and drank alcohol. He was not crazy about it, he was like a lot of high schoolers from my area, but cigarettes is a bit more than most. He turned into a no it all who thought he knew what was best for him and it's hard to think of him handling himself without lettng his on pseudoscience get to him and cause him to do stupid things. He is also pretty spacey.
So, I first off really want t stop him from smoking cigarettes. He does not know that I know this and if I were to reveal I knew and tried stopping it, our family would shut down and he wouldn't speak to me and god knows if it would even stop him. The weed and alcohol thing I can handle, but I'm concerned about other things. While he is certainly no stoner and maybe does weed once in a while, I have my suspicion that he has done other things, maybe E. Thankfully there are no signs of cocaine, heroin etc.
However, I really want to stop the cigarettes and any further expanse into the drug territory, without him knowing that I'm trying t stop him. Does anyone have any ideas on how this is possible? I'm with him this summer for 3 or so days a week. I rarely see him outside of when we come home together, since we do go tthe same school and have the same schedule.
So, any advice at all, even the smallest tips would make a world of difference. Thanks.
TL;DR: | Brother already does some stuff. He doesn't know I know, I want to suppress him from doing anything as much as possible without him knowing I'm trying. Are there any tips for this? Anyone have experience? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I quit my part-time job to go full-time as a mechanical engineering student [long read]
POST: So not sure how to start but my issues are more about personal issues I'm dealing with my girlfriend and her family. How does that relate to my question? Well, I got accepted to a state university in California for mechanical engineering. Although I should be rejoicing this admission after not doing so well a few years back at another previous university, I am rather contemplating whether if I should transfer out due to circumstances. I'm currently living in my girlfriend's parents and her parents are not exactly the best support group I have right now but are at least helping me be at a better state economically. My parents can't support me financially because of their health issues so it was best that I seek to live on my own. Due to this, the girlfriend decided to let me live with her family. Now, to why they are not the best support group? Well, to start out they want me to be on the look out for my gf. Taking her to work and picking her up regardless if I have homework the next day or need to catch on sleep; the issue is I don't have a car so usually either walk to her job, bus it, or get an Uber to get home after picking her up. I work a part-time that is normally between 25-35 hours per week (depends how busy we get) while going to school full-time right now in computer science at my local community college. Her stepdad is strict so if I do see my parents(which live about 30 miles from where I am now and takes 2 hours on public transportation one way), I am not allowed to sleepover. My brothers ask where am I and I just say I'm so and so place. My dad covers for me whenever they are more demanding to know where I'm at. Lastly, since the gf is on paying back her student loans, I'm not sure if me quitting my part time job will upset my gf and piss her stepdad because I doubt he'll be supportive of me going to school full-time and not working. I just want to succeed in school but I'm afraid to fail miserably again after my plan to go to pharmacy school went to disaster the first time I was at a university. Sorry for the long read.
TL;DR: | I want to go full-time for mechanical engineering but highly doubt the gf's step dad will not approve of me not working. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Advice regarding new sil wedding
POST: I tried posting somewhere else but im new so i dont know what im doing.
I went to my bil wedding last week. Hes been with his now wife since may of last year, got engaged a few months after and got married last week. Hes the kind of guy that writes goals down on paper and posts them on his wall (literally). He even wrote his #1 goal as 'getting a girlfriend '. Which is kinda sweet. Hes a nice guy. We have always got along. He went through a couple of bad breakups last year, his first gf cheated on him with her boss which we all knew it was obvious but he didnt believe it until she admitted to it. Thats just a little background. Hes kind of rushing through relationships because he compares himself to his younger brother, my husband, since hes married to me and we have a 1 year old. He said to us that he wants what we have. Although its not all like he thinks it is. Life for us hasnt been all peachy and easy how he thinks. We have been together for 6 years, married for 3.
Back to the wedding...
I was hurt that they didnt ask my son (the only grandchild)to be a ring bearer. I was under the impression that the position was taken so i didnt ask. I found out they didnt have one at the ceremony. After the ceremony they asked family and bridal party to take pictures. My son and i were completely excluded from pictures. This hurt a lot, especially because i thought we were family. Instead of breaking out in tears, i quietly snuck away and left. My husband was a groomsman so he stayed behind. He understands why i left, although he never once stood up for me or mentioned me. My mil thinks i was rude...my fil agrees that what i did was right. I felt very excluded, like an outsider.
I face them again when they return from their honeymoom next week. Any advice on how to talk this out with them? I still love my bil, i just dont know how to talk to them about it.
TL;DR: | Went to bil wedding, was hurt that i and my son were excluded so i left early. How to make thos less awkward and not ruin our relationship with my husbands family? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [31/f] Married to [34/M] for 10 years, issue starting business together
POST: I have over 15 years of experience in my field of work (web programming and website building, I started when I was about 14 yrs old in this business) and I am currently the sole earner using that experience to support our family. My DH is now starting his own business which I have encouraged him to do, but with the understanding that I would be maintaining the website (this is kinda my thing). Over the last month or so, I have been advising him and his partner on the creation of their website. I have had disagreements on their color choices and logo choices, things about the website basically.
At this point, they have done/wanted the exact opposite of everything that I've advised. After the last round of advice, and showing me their "changes" -- which were the exact same thing as before, I really blew a gasket. I feel like DH does not value my experience in this field. I guess I am more invested into this project than a normal client because I have funded half this project and because I thought my opinion would really matter to my DH, seeing as I currently use that experience to support our family. I feel completely ignored and pushed aside.
I have at this time decided I should probably just not be involved since we have such drastically different views on what it should and should not be. I still feel very hurt by these events and not sure how to communicate about this without another gasket of either his or mine being blown.
My question: Should I treat them like any other client? Where I will push 1-2 times for my direction, than withdraw if they persist and in the end do what makes them happy (even though I said from the start I wanted to do the website!)? If this is so, how do I put aside my own feelings when I do "feel" ignored and that my experience does not hold any value?
TL;DR: | DH does not take my advice, even though I have years of experience in that field. Treat him like any other client? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19/M] need advice about my girlfriend [17/F] and her friend [17/F]
POST: For sake of clarity my girlfriend's name will be Bella. And her friend will be Claire.
I dated my girlfriend for about 7 months and then we sort of broke it off. After a few months her friend Claire and I started to become good friends and got close. During this time Bella's friend Juliet started to tell her about Claire and I's friendship and how she was suspecting that we had feelings for each other. During this time Bella started to become saddened and got really anxious over the two of us.
Around February, Bella and I reconnected and we decided to become friends. About early on in March, Claire told me she had feelings for me and at the time I felt like I returned them so I told her I did too, but I was unwilling to start anything because I cared too much about Bella still. A few days later I realized I never really had feelings for Claire, but rather enjoyed the attention I was receiving. About a couple weeks ago, Bella and I got back together after multiple long talks we still wanted to be together.
A few days ago I told Bella about Claire after she brought it up and she got really saddened saying that her friend Juliet was right. After explaining my side on how I never had true feelings for Claire and that it was mostly on Claire's side she was still saddened but wants to stay together. However, it's becoming increasingly hard for me to help Bella through this because of obvious reasons and I'm sort of stumped on what to do. Bella mostly feels bad because she feels like she came in-between me and Claire and she generally feels shitty about the whole thing. But nothing I say or do can help her and she's kind of taking it out on me in subtle ways i.e acting colder towards me. She also told me that while I normally make her feel better, my involvement in this has sort of lost that effect and I'm unable to really do anything. I'm just stumped on what to do and wondering how I begin on helping her or at least being there for her.
TL;DR: | I date GF. We break up. Her friend begins to like me. I get back with GF she finds out. Now she feels terrible and I can't do anything to help her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21F] unsure about [35M]
POST: He and I met this past September in a University class. He found me via the class Twitter and started Tweeting me. Tweets turned into personal messages, personal messages turned into getting coffee. We've gotten coffee twice, second time he refused to let me pay and ended with a hug. He tells me I'm charming, eludes that he finds me attractive and is always concerned for my safety.
I just can't tell if he's interested in friendship or more. I feel like he's interested but there's a few factors that complicate things.
The first is our slight age gap. It doesn't bother me at all and he's always telling me I've very old for my age (which I am). I feel like it complicates things though.
The second is that he has primarily female friends so I wonder if I'm just one of them? I really can't tell.
The third is that back when we first started talking he mentioned once something about seeing someone but after that never again. It's been months since he's mentioned it and now he's talking about avoiding an ex around the University so I wonder if it's her. I don't know.
He's genuinely a gentleman and a kind, empathetic person.
I'm just really confused of what his intentions are. Any advice is greatly appreciated. I'm too close to the subject matter to really see it.
TL;DR: | Me [21F] falling for [35M] and unsure about his feelings towards me. We've become close friends over the span of late September to now. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend (M23) and I (F23) are planning an engagement, but dealing with some resentment from another bride(F30) in his family
POST: My boyfriend (23) and I (23) have been together for four years. We are planning a wedding at this point, and are "unofficially engaged", in that he is planning the proposal and has the ring and calls me his fiancee. We have started planning and have been discussing this for months.
The time frame for our engagement is tight, as a member of my family will be leaving for a foreign country in two months and we would like to celebrate with them before they leave. They will be living there for at least 2 years.
Enter boyfriend's soon to be SIL(30). She is upset that we are getting engaged before her wedding. Her wedding is the same month my family member leaves, just several days after. I had previously told her that BF was speaking to my father, had the ring, etc. She had never mentioned prior that she was upset we were looking to be engaged.
I spoke to her last night and mentioned BF was going to propose, and the engagement party would be a decent time after her wedding. She has now talked to everyone in BF's family but me about how upset she is, and I had to hear it from my BF's mother.
I know his family supports our decision, I'm just upset that his future SIL is resentful. His brother (30) is supportive of our decision, but says that her reaction is "girls being girls"
How would you respond/ de-escalate the situation? I would hate for her to feel I am "stealing her thunder", but it's really important to me that my family can share in this milestone with me.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend's future SIL is upset we are getting engaged within two months of her wedding, but my family member moves across an ocean prior to that. I want to smooth out the situation. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [33 F] and my husband [32 M] were separated, decided to reconcile but he wants to remain friends with a girl he dated.
POST: Hey guys! Please help!
My husband and I were separated for almost two years. It took awhile to get myself away from him enough to get space and try to get over him, but he never got over me. Since we have children, we had to keep contact, obviously. Well, at a major turning point I pushed him away very far and he actually dated a woman he became friends with at work. They dated about a month, he decided he couldn't stay in a relationship with her but they maintained a close friendship while he started trying to talk to me again. Well, I saw major change in both of us and decided to give him another shot on the basis that we would try hard to work things out and this other woman would go away.
Well, he hid how intimate they had actually gotten and how close they actually were and I am not comfortable at all about him trying to maintain a friendship. She's very pushy and stubborn and wants to get her way, but he swears she knows we are working things out and she has no feelings for him. Yet, I can't shake the things I know about those two and their past and don't trust them being friends. I think this would actually hinder our moving forward.
Am I wrong?
TL;DR: | Bottom line is, while we were separated he dated someone. Now that we are trying to reconcile, they want to remain friends. Is this a bad idea, or should I get over the past and be ok with it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend (18/F) of 1 year does not allow me (18/M) to say I that I love her, or even discuss the topic of love.
POST: My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost exactly a year, and we had discussed being in a relationship months prior. Several times I have brought up the topic of love, and each time she has told me that she doesn't love me and that she doesn't want me to say that I love her. It's strange because she is often at times quite attached to me.
I really don't know what to do at this point. She has made it very clear that she doesn't want to talk about this. Every day I think about it. We call each other pretty much every day and every time I leave I want to say that I love her, but she doesn't want me to. Any advice would be much needed.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend of 1 year doesn't want me to say I love her, doesn't want to say she loves me, not allowed to talk about it with her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [17m] am having trouble figuring out what to do with girlfriend's [16f] strict uncles that are holding onto her past.
POST: My girlfriend and I have secretly been dating now for a bit - about a month and a half- and we have gotten as far as kissing. We have been discussing and we are both ready for move onto more sexual things, but not sex, eg. Handjobs, etc.
The problem is that her uncles don't want her dating because she has been caught in the past doing sexual things with another guy, which doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that since she was caught, her uncles are very strict on her now and it makes it very hard for her to date or for us to go further in our relationship. I texted her and told her of three scenarios that I could think of: 1) She sneaks around her uncles again. 2) She asks them if we can date and if we can hang at eachothers houses 3) We have to break up because I don't want to have a hamper on our relationship.
I don't really know what to do in this situation. I'm just hoping her uncles will accept me; apparently they think I'm a nice guy. Any suggestions?
TL;DR: | Girlfriends sexual past is making it hard for us to progress in our relationships and don't know how to proceed. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I think my [28/M] girlfriend [26/F] might be completely void of empathy. Please read this conversation and let me know your thoughts.
POST: Long story short, I'm pretty sure my girlfriend is incapable of showing empathy, and if she does, it's very shallow. I think I need more out of a girlfriend than she provides, but I want to run this conversation by you all so you can give me some honest 3rd party perspective.
Background needed for the conversation - My dog's name is Lilly, and I just saw a sign in my apartment complex about a girl who will watch your pets while you're out of town, so I told my girlfriend about it a few days ago.
ME (6:44) - Lilly just got attacked by another dog when I was walking her. A 15 year old girl was walking her boxer and he pulled the leash out of her hand. He ran up and bit her on the leg a few times before I could kick him hard enough to get him off her. He didn't draw blood, so I think she's OK. Thank god.
GF: (6:45) - Oh geez. Hopefully that's not the same girl that offers to watch dogs!
ME (6:46) - It was in the neighborhood behind our complex. They lived in one of those houses.
GF (6:47) - Oh
GF (6:47) - I'm at the gym! (3 celebratory, party-popper emojis)
I haven't responded to her yet. I need to know if her response was appropriate or not. She didn't say I'm sorry, or I'm glad you and Lilly are OK, or anything. I was really fucking shaken up by this attack, and I think I need my girlfriend to at least act a little more caring about me in general, but maybe I'm just overreacting. Can you please let me know what you think??
TL;DR: | Not sure if my girlfriend has enough empathy in her personality for my liking. Please let me know your thoughts on this conversation that just happened. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, I don't know what to do.
POST: I need your help Reddit.
I was recently in a car accident where the other driver was at fault. They turned through a stopped lane of traffic turning into a parking lot and hit me in the second lane. Their insurance agency accepted fault for the accident. They arranged for me to get a rental car and are paying for the auto body repair at the shop my dealer recommended.
Now here is where I ran into a problem. I have limited liability insurance on my car because I worked like a boss and saved my money up and paid for it out right so I would not go into debt. I took the risk of not covering the cost of damage to my car for when I am at fault because I have a clean record of driving and am willing to replace my car with a Junker if I wreck it. The amount I have saved not covering my car is enough to buy a replacement car. Anyways, when I picked up the rental car that the at fault insurance company (American Family) paid for, I had to sign for the coverage that the rental company (Enterprise) offers, and is $13 a day, since I do not have full coverage. Makes since. I contacted the at fault insurance company (American Family) and explained this to them and explained that this expense is a result of the accident that their client caused and that they should take responsibility. They flat out said they understand why they should pay for it but they do not have to. My car will not be out of the shop for another 2 weeks and I will end up getting stuck with a $300 and something bill for the insurance.
I am a student and just paid for classes and have to pick up books this week and can not afford this. Please tell me if I have any options. Is there anyway i can get them to pay for this?The logic of how they can get away with out paying for this escapes me. By the way, my insurance company pays for rental insurance when their client is at fault.
TL;DR: | American Family Insurance is screwing me with a $300 bill for rental insurance that was needed due to their client hitting my car. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26 M] with my girlfriend [22 F] 5 months. She hid pictures of us on FB. Questioned why and then she broke up with me.
POST: So I had one picture of me and my ex that I uploaded to FB after NYE. It's the only photo we had together on any social media. She ended up hiding the pic, and when I asked her why she said it was because of her ex.
She said she broke up with him and hurt his feelings. This picture would devastate him and she still cares. She swore up and down that she would never get back with him and thinks I'm sexy funny, treat her well etc. Anyways I'm not buying it and suspect something is up. So we argue about it for awhile.
She kept reducing it to me being immature about FB, when I was saying it was more about her hiding a picture and having lingering feelings for her ex.
So we have been distant. We just got together over the weekend. We had sex which counts cause it felt passionate. In the morning we got breakfast, and when she was leaving she said she already missed me etc.
Two days later she was being weird. Distant. I asked her what was up and she said she felt she wasn't ready for a relationship. I feel that there might be another guy and it may be her ex I am not sure. I know the Ex through FB. Should I contact him and ask him whats up since things between me and her are over?
She just told me she needs space etc, and that its hard for her.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend of 5 months left me over one argument. I think she's still in contact with her ex. Should I call the guy and just have a conversation, or is that crazy? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [24/m] I had a first date with a girl [23/f] and really hit it off. She wasn't sure about us. Should I pursue her?
POST: So I met this girl on an online dating site. We were texting for about a week and she was really interested. Then we met for our first date and it went great! She was easy to talk to and we had so much in common. We connected very well. Or so I thought. After the date she said she didn't think it could work. But she wasn't too certain. So I tried to arrange a second date to talk things out. I guess I was too pushy and it put her off. So she finally made the decision that it wouldn't work.
So it's been a week later and I'm still thinking about her. I know we would be great for each other, and believe we could work through the concerns she has about us. So can I ask her to give me another chance? How would I do this without coming off as annoying, creepy, or desperate? Or should I just give up and move on?
TL;DR: | Met a girl online, she said it wouldn't work, I think we are perfect for each other. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Why is it that when OBL was killed America's youth was celebrating in the streets, but when Seal Team Six and a total of 38 special forces servicemen were killed when their Chinook was shot down, America's youth doesn't even mourn the loss?
POST: Honestly, fuck the MSM for not giving this story enough attention. Fuck the administration for trying to paint this tragedy in a positive light. Fuck this war.
We are losing the best people in our entire country, fighting a war that will never be truly 'won', and the average American either 1) doesn't take the time of day to care or 2) despises the Afghani people as a result of cultural bigotry and American hubris.
The deaths of over 100,000 civilians are the direct result of our interventionist foreign policy in the Middle East in the last decade alone. Our blood lust is epitomized by the celebration of Osama's death, and our defunct moral compass is epitomized by the utter silence of the Anti-war movement in this country.
WAKE THE FUCK UP.
TL;DR: | If people put as much effort into mourning death as they did celebrating it, we might have a legitimate anti war movement. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by leading my entire school in the wrong direction
POST: First some background information: I go to a school that has both a middle school and high school. Every other week there is an entire school assembly where both the middle school and high school pack into the theater for announcements. A couple of weeks ago the fire marshal came by and said that having all 700 students and teachers in our small theater was a fire hazard. Because of this the next all school assembly was moved to the gym.
Today is the day that we have an all school assembly. As I have a free period right before the assembly starts I was able to be the first person at the theater. As I got to the theater I remembered that the last assembly had been in the gym and then said, "wait shouldn't assembly be in the gym today?". I turned around and headed towards the gym, which is on the opposite side of the school from the theater. People saw me going to the gym and began to follow me. I soon had the entire middle school and most of the high school as well as most of the teachers following me to the gym. We got to the gym and the door was locked. The entire school kind of sat around for 20 minutes waiting for someone to unlock the door. At this point all of my friends were talking about how pissed they were that we had to wait so long and how much trouble I would be in if this turned out to be incorrect. Then a teacher came by and said that the assembly was in fact in the theater.
We went back to the theater and finished the assembly and were all late for our next classes. I am now waiting for my friends to spread this around the school and to become known as the person who sent the entire school to the wrong place.
TL;DR: | Made almost every single student and teacher in the school go to the wrong place in the school and caused people to be 20 minutes later for the next class |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I'm not looking for love, and neither is my email address.
POST: Background: Back in 2004, I locked down my gmail account simply as my name (an adult move wise beyond my years), and as I got older I believed I had won the gmail lottery given that both my names are so common. However, to this day, I constantly get emails that aren't for me, usually to my address except without the period between my first and last name (which I learned from gmail's handy FAQ will come to me anyway since gmail doesn't actually recognize punctuation). These emails include some professional emails with super sensitive personal information (Re: death in the family, lease agreements, political campaigns, crime spotter alerts, online shopping loyalty programs, everything imaginable...) so I sometimes feel obliged to write back and inform them their recipient is a failure at life and can't even adult. Usually thats an unanswered possible waste of my time, but who knows how many emails and legal conundrums I avoid that way. New emails come and go, but my filter settings are dialled in, life goes on. Since my name doesn't have alternate spellings and these emails are not just spam, I'm just always left wondering if they're too dumb to know they won't get the email or do they really just not realize? Is my name just synonymous with "I can't even adult" or are these person(s) so dumb they are trolling themselves?!
Today... though. Today... was exceptional. This evening I started getting emails from Plenty of Fish every 5 minutes for each message received to the account, starting with a registration email. Curiosity to know who was behind all this got to me and I learned this was the work of a full blown 45 year old adult. And then I realized, there it was: my chance to actually tell this person off! I reset the password, logged in and unsubscribed, but I realized she would never be able to log back in and never know why. So, I wrote a short and sweet message directly on her profile that's probably more than a little humiliating. Heh.... feels so good.
TL;DR: | You're not ready to find love until you find your own email/name. I did it for your own damn good! |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: I did great today , C-Section in 37 seconds !!
POST: My nurse just told me that the last emergency c-section only took 37 seconds really proud of myself and the team, What a great day :D
wooha
TL;DR: | it was a case of cord prolapse , and 37 seconds indicates time from incision to the baby being out of the uterus |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: It hurts, it just hurts...
POST: As this subreddit says, I have to get this off my chest, I'm not really willing to tell this to my family or to any friend, as it may just sound ridiculous.
I dated a girl like 2 years ago, but we of course ended breaking up. I don't how to put this, she was my real first love, I mean I had dated a few girls before, but it was just "meh"...
We stayed together like 6 months, only 6 fucking months. After 2 months of dating I had to go abroa d for a few months, but when I came back, she fell ill, i'll pass on the details but she was late because she missed a lot of school, her parents wouldn't let us see each other very often too...
It went on for 4 months until the day she broke up with me, by fucking text message !
Yeah it's been almost 2 years... and I still can't get her off my mind, it's just ridiculous. I learned to live with it, I thought I was moving on, I ended up thinking a bit less about her.
Until a few days ago, I went to check on her facebook (what kind of fool would do that huh...?) and here they were, pictures of her and her new boyfriend. And you know what ? It stings, like someone had buried a wooden spike in my chest, I almost threw up when I first saw it.
And that's it. I'm getting sick about all this. I can't forget how we could have been a little longer together If she hadn't fallen ill, that we could have kept our way together for a bit more until it was time to part, but it was too soon, not like that, not this way. It is a huge waste of feelings...
TL;DR: | I was in love with a girl who dumped me, I was starting to forget her until I saw picture of her with her new boyfriend. |
SUBREDDIT: r/cats
TITLE: Young, live alone. Should I get a Cat?
POST: I've had a cat since I was a child. She was incredibly awkward and impossible to walk up to (due to some trauma experienced as a kitten), but I still loved her a lot. Unfortunately, the cat has moved to Brussels with my mother and her partner, when she has been transferred as part of a job promotion.
I miss my cat as I miss having a cat. Things have changed, though. Nowadays I live alone. I'm gone for most of the day, having a job two times a week and university classes for the remaining three.
On weekends I usually go to my hometown to do the laundry (I can't afford a washing machine in my apartment).
Can I get a cat? Someone was always there to take care of her, when I wasn't home. On the other hand, I know how self-reliant cats can be - mine sometimes embarked on two-three day-long journeys, only to return and sleep for another couple of days.
Another thing that has changed - I live in the city center now. Like, the CENTER center. Warsaw's #1 tourist spot. I never see any cats around.
Do the tourists eat them? No clue.
TL;DR: | live alone, juggle having a job and attending university classes as well as a lot of parties, live in the city. Should I/can I get a cat? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (31m) am going to break up with my girlfriend (24f) and she isn't going to see it coming
POST: We've been dating 2 years, and have been drifting apart for the last 6 months or do since she moved about an hour and a half away.
But in reality I've been unsure about this relationship since she went to rehab for alcohol about a year ago. (she's still clean btw) I didn't break up with her then because I didn't want to make a difficult time worse. I do love her but I can't see her as my lifelong partner. I've come to realize that she wants to move forward in our relationship, move in together, probably marriage and what not and I don't. Not with her at least.
If we stay together I'm just going to be stringing her along until I find something better and that's not fair to her. I know it will be painful for her but it'll be worse if I keep it up.
So I guess the question is, how should I go about it in the most painless way? I have always been bad with break ups.
TL;DR: | been with someone 2 years. It's not working, she doesn't know. Want to gently break up with her and need advice. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23F] have been acting as therapist for my two friends [23F & 22M]. How to tell them it's my turn to have a shoulder to cry on?
POST: I have a small but close-knit group of friends that stick together through everything. But I feel like I'm being taken advantage of emotionally by my two friends who are currently going through a tough time. Nora just broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years. Of course it's awful, of course I am desperately heartbroken for her, but she has slept over in my home for 6 days at this point, and I'm emotionally exhausted. She's weepy and I haven't been able to get any work done whilst she's been here. I want to be there for her, but I'm struggling to find empathy.
Likewise with my friend, David. He's having problems with his depression. I have found him a free counsellor, driven him to appointments and allowed him to cry of my shoulder when he's drunk. It seems like I've just become his emotional sounding board. He comes over in the evening when he's feeling miserable, but goes out with other friends when he's having a good day. I find it hard not to feel hurt that I'm his friend that will be there in tough weather, but not the good. Of course I do it because I love him. I love them. So hard. But I'm emotionally drained.
My problem is that I feel like I can't actually talk to either of them about things happening in my life. I'm drowning under the weight of my final graduate year, and have recently had to move back in with my parents. I feel like I could break down into a crying mess at any second, but I have to stay strong and not voice my hurt because it seems like I'm just trying to one-up their (really terrible) problems.
I know it sounds like they're taking advantage of me in other ways, too but I love these people to death, they are my friendship Soulmates. I just don't know how much longer I can keep my shit together under the weight of theirs. What do I do, Reddit?
TL;DR: | Emotionally drained by my friend's problems. How do I approach them about reciprocating and attending to my emotional needs as well? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My fiancé never seems to want to have sex anymore.
POST: Recently, I (24m) have been trying to face the issue of my fiancé (25f) not wanting to have sex.
First I want to note that NO she isn't cheating. This is something other than infidelity. Also, we recently got engaged and we are happy in EVERY other aspect, so I'm pretty sure it's not her not wanting to be in the relationship anymore.
She doesn't really seem to want sex anymore. If I'm lucky we do it once every two weeks or so. I've tried to talk to her about this a few times, but she just gets annoyed and says that it makes her not want to do it even more.
In the beginning she always wanted it. Multiple times a week. She would even initiate a lot of times. She was more affectionate and made me feel like she wanted me.
As of the past two months she barely ever wants to have sex. She never initiates and is barely affectionate. When I try and "make a move", I'm almost always shot down. When I try and voice my desires she says it's a "turn off".
On the other side of the issue, she seems to always be "in the mood" when I'm not there or I've fallen asleep. Also, I know she pleasures herself, and that bothers me sometimes but ONLY because I don't understand why she pleasures herself so much when she knows I'm more than ready to do it for her.
I also want to note that when we do have sex it's amazing for the both of us. I know many peoples response to this is going to be "maybe she just tells you that", but I trust her and believe her when she talks to me.
TL;DR: | Fiancé doesn't seem to want sex, pleasures herself often, gets annoyed when I try and talk to her about the issue. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My friend is in danger. What should I do to help?
POST: Okay, I'm pretty young, barely in high school. I have a group of friends that includes a guy (who will be referred to as X) that isn't quite right... His view of reality and morals is pretty warped. I also have a female friend (Y) who I'm pretty close to. Me and a few others starting to fear for her safety around X. Last year, X would touch Y and a few others inappropriately (Boobs, butt, etc..). Me and a few others were going to take this to the proper authorities and have him expelled, but he caught wind of it and promptly stopped. This year though, we are starting to notice the same patterns that we saw last year as he progressed into his ultimate... I don't really have other words except for 'creepiness'. X recently texted Y claiming that he wanted to have sex with her before he was 15 (They are both about 14). Any way, what Im asking is, should we band together and get him removed ASAP or wait until he tries to do something again, and how should we go about doing this?
TL;DR: | My friend and perhaps others are in danger of being sexually assaulted. Should we get the suspected assaulter removed before it happens and how should we do it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: [22m] asking a girl out by text/facebook?
POST: There's this girl that I see semi-regularly (every week or 2 weeks), we get on super well and I really like her. I'm pretty sure she likes me too.
Because of random circumstances we won't be in the same place at the same time again for a long time. I have her number but have never had the balls to text her about personal stuff. I also have her on facebook.
I really want to see her outside of normal circumstances, but feel like maybe just texting or messaging out of the blue would be a bit tactless? Should I start messaging about random stuff a few times before I ask? Should I send 1 or 2 messages then ask if she responds? Should I just forget about it and hope to see her again in a month or so?
TL;DR: | havent seen a girl for like a week and might not see her again for few months, want to ask her out. Is text/fb ok? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [30 M], my mom [67 F] wants her and her BF [65 M] to move into my house for 4 months, before they move out of state.
POST: She already bought a house in another state, and is only staying now to wait for my sister to have her baby. She wants to start renting her house here, to start making $ off it, and to get out of the upkeep.
We have a strained relationship, as she is naggy, fickle, doesn't always respect privacy, and is insensitive/openly rude at times. She also has openly said she is going to sue my dads estate if he dies before her, to keep getting her payments till she dies or his estate is gone, and she will win because she sneaked that option into the divorce papers.
While her BF seems decent, I am suspicious he is playing her for her $$/property. He has never really held a real job down, and works part time now. He put his mom in a home, and was living in her house until he got with my mom. He has also been married and divorced 4 times, and when I looked into him I found out he filed for bankruptcy 4 years ago. He lives on the poverty line, while my mom is upper middle class. She is also terminal with 10 years, max left, and he knew that from the beginning.
The upside is that she offered to pay for the whole inside of my house to be professionally re-painted (currently, every room has paint peeling from the walls). I also currently live on the poverty line, and it would take me a few years to save up for that. Plus this would give me a good chance to feel her BF out. I also wouldn't put it past my mom to hold it against me for the rest of her life, if I say no.. Any advice would be appreciated.
TL;DR: | My mom can be shitty, and I don't trust the BF, but she is offering great compensation, and will probably be really pissed if I say no. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Finish university or "start" my own life?
POST: The scenario is the following: I [24M] have a semester left of uni which I consider pretty useless so I just want to finish it and get it out the way with the diploma in my hand. On the other hand since I'm still living at home and I feel very frustrated because of it (not because of the aforementioned fact but because I know living alone would be much better, I'm much more productive when I'm alone wonder why).
I'm working for a small company 4hrs a day to cover my expenses and learn a few things about leading a company (because I'm planning to start my own). It is good because I can go whenever I want so I can go to uni. But that 4hrs a day is not paying enough for me to move and live on my own. I can't take a 9-5 because it wouldn't allow me to take the classes which leads to me failing the semester.. buuut I would have the money to move.
So.. am I just a whiney little bitch who is having "first world problems" or am I just not seeing the obvious thing?
Should I just sit on my ass and wait till Feb/March or get a normal job and start my own life and finish the uni ?
TL;DR: | Should I finish university first and wait till I have the time to get a 9-5 or start my own business, just bury my head in the sand and let things run their course - |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with my GF?[16 F] duration 3.5 months, switching schools due to college , girl wants to end it with just being friends
POST: Be sure to explain in detail with line breaks.
MMe and this girl has been going out for about 3.5 months. It statred out with hanging out with friends after practice but eventually it became individual dates. We see each other everyday in school, and we walk each other to class. We usually see each other 6 and sometimes 7 days a week. Shes the first girl ive gotten close with and she knows that. She tells me everything about her life. So the question of making it official came up multiple times. Each ended in a argument. We made up and even she said she wants us to continue and see where things lead. On the last day of class, she said it was better off if we stayed friends. Because she didnt want to get close with me over the summer and me leaving for a different school. I will be commuting to college in the same city FYI. ANd i live 20 minutes away from her by bus. I think shes afraid to get hurt again due to her past long distance relationship that ended horribly. Is there anything I can do or say that shows that I different. Its been 2 days now. I I called her yesterday and she got mad that i brought up the topic. What steps should I take next? The split was so unpredictable, We were having such a good time at her house just the e day before.
Do people lose feeling like that? first real relationship, so im a noob
TL;DR: | Mandatory summary/question! Girl afraid of getting close over the summer because i will be switching schools. But will be in the same city and not moving. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18M] have to make a tough decision about gf [16F]
POST: I've been dating my girlfriend for 7 months now, and it's been amazing, we haven't gotten into a major fight, we share the same interests, everything is going perfect right now. The problem is that I am (most likely) leaving for college next year, and currently the only college I got into is on the West Coast of the US (we live in Europe). We were planning on doing long distance had I gotten accepted on the East Coast, but that possibility seems to be removed. I've wanted to take a gap year, but I really don't want to take a gap year solely for her; obviously I will do something useful and productive but Idunno if a gap year is worth it. The thing is, I really love this girl, she has gotten me through some really tough personal and family problems, and is always there for me. The time difference will make long distnace impossible, and lately I've just been feeling like we should end it sooner than earlier, so I can have time to get over her...
TL;DR: | I have to decide about my future with my girlfriend, whether I should break up with her now, try long distance, or wait until the end of summer (very last chance I get to see her) and end it there... |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22M] with my girlfriend [22F] just became long distance. How do I transition properly?
POST: A little bit of backstory behind my current relationship, I've known my current girlfriend for maybe 10 months and have dated her for about 6 of them. For the 3 or 4 months that we first met, we were fast friends, and even were interested in other people; we had a lot of similar interests and i genuinely felt like we would be best friends. Flash forward to the beginning of our relationship and everything was going well. We saw each other frequently, relied on each other , and were even there for each other when faced with problems (Sorry i can't be more specific).
As soon as June hit and she graduated (both went to the same university), i said goodbye to her and our relationship became long distance. I acknowledge that i'm the more needy between the two of us, but it really feels like the feelings we had for each other now is a shadow of its former self.
Recently we've argued about her attention to the relationship and my neediness, as we have difficulty communicating over the phone or skype (she says she doesn't like it), and doesn't want to visit me until she gets a car (which might happen at the end of this month. Might). As of right now we have no plan to see each other in mind. The immature, impatient side of me sees this as that shes lost interest in me, but the more mature side of me tells me to be patient and see if she improves, since we've talked about it.
I genuinely want to be more patient and give her room, but I can't help but feel like our feelings have really stagnated, even if that's not the case. I'm having a lot of difficulty transitioning into long distance because of this. What should i be doing to help myself in terms of how i feel? Is this still worth pursuing?
I hope i haven't left anything too important out (this is my first post in /r/relationships) I'll be sure to answer any questions people have for me.
TL;DR: | Since we've become long distance, my girlfriend and I have had trouble communicating and I've had trouble worrying about her. What can I do to help my transition into long distance? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21F] don't know where I stand with a friend [21F] who avoided me for many months then contacted me out of the blue. Non-Romantic
POST: Hi Reddit, if you guys could provide me with some fresh perspective on a friendship I would be so grateful. I'll try to keep this short.
I met a cool person in college a few years back. Since then we have shared classes, been in contact frequently for both school and personal reasons, shared secrets, and I sincerely believed her to be one of my closest friends. She has a demanding job in addition to school so I would usually ask when she was free and we'd make plans from there. Tried to do this a few times over summer but she would take a month to text me back, then several months. I was confused about the sudden drop in contact but since she does work a lot I'd just chalk it up to work/school/stress.
Over summer I ran into a mutual friend. Turns out they have been hanging out regularly, and receiving texts back, etc. I tried not to take this personally and, at this friend's insistence that she was not mad, etc., to contact her again. No response. It hurt like hell, man (in all seriousness).
Since running into our mutual friend and not hearing back from her I just stopped trying to contact her altogether. Didn't know what was up and didn't want to seem desperate. I did feel desperate, it is so hard to meet cool people since I am a bit shy and awkward, and gave myself anxiety and other bs all summer wondering if I'd done something wrong. Got over it eventually, since it seemed kind of fucked up after it stopped being so painful.
Out of the blue, after no contact for several months and not actually seeing her for about seven months, she texts me to hang out. Is this sort of thing normal? Should I meet up and confront her about it? Not bother replying at all?
TL;DR: | Someone I considered a close friend abruptly changed their behavior toward me, stopped answering texts, etc., but still has time for mutual friends. Contacted me out of the blue but I am confused about how I should act. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with my gf [17F] broke up after 2 months and I'm confused
POST: I know this is not a super long relationship by any means, but I was really thinking it was going to last longer. Another part is that she was the first girl I've ever had close to me and it stings.
The reasoning behind the whole break up is because she went with the "its not you, its me" and I believe this to be true too for her. It did not take me by complete surprise, yet I am still sad about it because she is so unique and I still want to develop a relationship with her.
I am just lost at what I should go next as I feel like kind of blindsided and naive when it came to this as a whole. I know she did not take enough time out of the day for me but I also feel like I pushed it too qucikly and somewhat suffocated her with it.
TL;DR: | I just broke up with my first gf and am not sure what to do from here. I would like to remain with her or maybe in the future but am unsure. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: I need help, I just got a letter saying my license is suspended.
POST: I got a ticket for trying to go into a bar underage while at college in New York State. The police officer said it was the equivalent of a traffic violation and I'd just receive a fine and no further punishment. The charge on the ticket read "other use of license." When I went to turn the ticket in at the court, I made sure to ask about all possible outcomes and how much I'd pay and how long I'd have to pay and all of that. The clerk assured me that I would just have to pay the fine that would be mailed to me in three days and nothing else would happen. I got the fine in the mail, saved up some cash, and paid two weeks later. I had a month to pay it off. Today, a couple weeks after I paid the fine, I got a letter from the Massachusetts (where I live when I'm not at school and where I got my driver's license) RMV stating that my license will be suspended for a year starting on December 1st. Is there anyway to fight this? What are the most common reasons for this? Isn't this a violation of due process and shouldn't I have been informed that I might receive punishment from my state? Basically anything will help, I'm lost as to what to do and I need my car both to get home and to drive to class everyday because I live off campus. Thanks.
TL;DR: | I got a ticket in New York and was told only consequence was a fine, now Mass is suspending my license. Please help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (25/F) asked out by OkCupid guy (24/M). Lots in common. He's looking forward to it then bails and I never hear from him again. WTF?! Theories?
POST: Hey guys,
A guy messaged me saying we had a lot in common (which we totally do!) and referenced some of my favorite movies, I was interested immediately. We had very similar taste in art/movies/music and he seemed very nice and considerate. We exchanged about 7 messages each last week and arranged to meet up this past Sunday. Early that day, he said a family member of his was in the hospital and he was going to go be with them, could we reschedule?
The remainder of his text, which has me confused, was:
"Can we reschedule to later this week? I'm sorry :( I was looking forward to tonight. I can do around 9 on Thursday or any time next Saturday or Sunday if any work for you"
I replied with 3 short messages sent at the same time, saying I was sorry about his family and no worries, of course family comes first. Then I suggested that we meet on my birthday (this Saturday) so I could have something unpredictable planned for that night. I was really looking forward to it!
He never replied and I haven't heard from him since.
I am really new to OkCupid, so many this kind of thing happens a lot. To me, he seemed genuinely interested. I'm wondering if perhaps he found something online about me that he didn't like (I have nothing incriminating available on the internet).
Feeling a bit discouraged from this confusing experience. Thoughts?
TL;DR: | Guy I had a lot in common with and seemed repeatedly enthusiastic about meeting up asked to reschedule and never replied to my response. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by trying to make my brother leave the house for a day
POST: **Back story:** So I got a brother, who's a huge jerk. He's a constant dick to everyone in the house and will always pick on me if he gets the chance. He'll even yell and beat my parents if he doesn't get his way.
So yesterday, I got the new Smash Bros game and I decided to wait until Friday to play it, so I hid it in my room so my brother wouldn't find it and sell it without telling me. I really wanted to make Friday a great day, but my brother will be here on Friday, so I made him an offer. I told him that I'd give him $50 if he leaves on Friday morning, and comes back on Saturday. He told me that I he'd do it for $100 and I told him that I'd think about it. I thought about it overnight and I decided that $100 is too much so I was gonna leave the thing and just let him stay.
This brings us to today, I tell him the deals off. Instead of what I thought would happen, he told me that he'd bring his meanest, cruelest gang member friends over on Friday and let them stay there overnight in hopes that I'd give in and give him the $100.
Great, I fucked up, again.
These guys literally had videos on Facebook of them running after fat kids and making them cry (remember these guys are 18-20). And me, being my 25 pound overweight self, got really terrified. My parents know about their gang affiliations and told me that they'll make sure they won't come, but I'm sure that they will. What's gonna happen now? Guess I'll find out on Friday just to piss me off.
TL;DR: | Told my brother to leave for a day for money, decided it wasn't worth it and let him stay, now he's gonna bring his gang member friends on Friday. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Should I move in with three girls? (I'm a guy)
POST: I'm a male college student who's lease is up at the end of the school year, and I'll need to find a new place to live for the upcoming year. A female friend of mine and her 2 roommates(also girls) are looking for a 4th roommate for their house. The rent is a little high for me, but I could do it, and the house is reeaaally nice, and worth the extra money in my opinion. The only thing is, my girlfriend of a year is apprehensive about me living with three females.
All of the girls currently have boyfriends, and the room I would be taking is on a separate floor than all of theirs, so there would be no crossing paths between showering in the mornings, ect. Additionally, the roommate moving out is an ex-boyfriend of one of them, so they said they don't want the drama involved around dating roommates again.
So far, I don't really have any other options for living next year, and the lease signing is about to pick up, if it hasn't already. Has anyone else been in this situation before? Any guys that have lived with girls? Should I sign a lease for this place, which I really like, even though my girlfriend is apprehensive about me living with other girls, or hold out and find a different place?
TL;DR: | I'm a guy that found a nice house, reasonable rent, with three girls, girlfriend is apprehensive about the idea. Move in or find a different place? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Is there any software to record sound levels (decibels) with my mic without recording the actual audio?
POST: Me and my family are in the process of selling our house. I am moving to Uni and my parents are moving abroad, however, we are being hindered by one of our neighbors.
This neighbor has never really got on with our family, he doesn't let his kids say hello to me or my parents, swears at my family and his other neighbor over the fences, generally not a very nice guy. Now we are selling our house he has taken to going through the phone book ringing every council department and filing complaints, most recently, one about noise.
I know that the usual process for this is for him to keep a diary about potential "noise violations" for the council to look at as evidence, however, I know that there are no noise violations and that he is doing this out of spite. My question is, can I get any software that will record the sound levels of my room (which connects directly to their house) as data without recording the actual audio present so that in the event of any dispute I can back up my families claim?
Thank you /r/askreddit in advance for any help you can give!
TL;DR: | Neighbor is an unpleasant man, I want to record audio level data without an actual audio recording so that I can provide evidence contrary to his accusation that we are too noisy. |
SUBREDDIT: r/college
TITLE: Developing a "big spike" in high school
POST: Hello /r/college, I've started to look into the college application process as a high school freshman mainly from the influence of my HS Senior brother who is currently going through the process of applying to colleges. I saw some guides on how to get into good colleges and a very common thing in those articles was the emphasis on developing a "big spike" in my academics. Focusing most of my time on something that I love rather than spending time trying to be well rounded. I have a big passion for computers and electronics but I fear that many other students have the same interests as me. Especially those applying to MIT (my dream college).
It's still early in the game for me so I wanted some advice on whether I should focus my high school years on something completely different for the sake of college apps or stick to the things I was most passionate about in middle school.
TL;DR: | I am a freshman who wants to develop "big spike" but fears computer science and electronics are too common to make me unique. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Expensive Gift From An SO While I'm Basically A Bum
POST: My SO and I's anniversary is coming up and he wants to get me an extravagant gift. The thing is, I'm unemployed and wouldn't be able to provide with a gift of equal value. I know these type of things shouldn't be based on price but I'd feel terrible if I didn't give him something of similar value. The gift in question is a ring which brings up another problem. I'd feel uncomfortable with receiving a ring because I'd associate it with an engagement. It's ridiculous, I know, but its just an intrusive thought. I'm no where near ready for that type of commitment, we're both still in college. I've told him many times I'd rather just spend the day with him watching movies or go bike riding together but I know he still wants to get me a ring. I don't want to hurt him, he really wants to do this, but I really don't want him to spend his money on a ring I'd be uncomfortable with. I'm not even a gift type of person, I don't like jewelry or any other typical gifts so he does get frustrated around gift giving occasions. Basically, I want to know if anyone else has had a similar problem and if they were able to get over or deal with it in a certain way. I am going to talk to him bit I'd like to know how others have dealt with similar issues.
TL;DR: | SO wants to get me a ring (not engagement or promise) but I'm uncomfortable with the notion. Anyone been through this? What did you do? Help me get over or at least come to terms with this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How can I read/write a 3D modeling .obj file?
POST: I'm building a three-dimensional scanner for my senior undergraduate project. I am writing software that calculates all of the vertices x,y,z coordinates and keeps track of all edges. I've also exported a current face model I had made to .obj and opened it in a text editor. It looks very simple, but I can't find a clear explanation of exactly what everything means.
It appears to be something along the lines of:
v x y z
...
...
# 2166 vertices
g Face
f # # # # (I don't know what these numbers represent)
# 2118 polygons - 6 triangles
Anyway, if someone could explain this to me, it would greatly help my project.
TL;DR: | How do you write a .obj file with a text editor if you know the x,y,z coordinates of your vertices and which vertices are attached by edges? |
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