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black_mirror_scripts_S1-5

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-I Can still Do the same speech. -Lacie...
-And there's Mr. Rags! -No!
But... But you invited me.
You've seen the guest list. They are all, like, 4.5 or above.
They are going to freak at a 2.6, and I am not taking that kind of damage,
plus I haven't dipped under a 4.7 in, like, six months.
You said you wanted your oldest friend.
When I asked you to speak, you were a 4.2, okay?
And the authenticity of a vintage bond low four at a gathering of this calibre
played fantastically on all the simulations we ran.
Forecast was a prestige bounce of .2 minimum.
But now you're a sub three. Sorry.
That just puts the stink on things a little too much.
That just plays badly for us.
So it was just about numbers for you?
Oh, cut the shit! It was numbers for both of us.
You wanted those primo votes, don't deny it.
It's not like you could get them on your own. Let's not kid ourselves.
Oh, I'm... I'm getting those votes.
What? You're just gonna roll up here and make people like you?
-That's right. I'm doing my speech. -No, you're not.
Yes, I am. And they are gonna vote me through the roof when they hear it.
-Weep their fucking eyes out! -Go home!
-[phone beeping] -Hello?
[sighs] Fuck!
I have never seen your stupid fucking show.
[tyres screech]
[shouts] Hope they cancel it!
-[horn honks] -I need a ride!
[shouts]
-[phone beeping] -Fuck!
Jesus!
[engine roars]
Hey! Hey!
Hey!
-Can I borrow your bike? -What?
Can I borrow your bike?
Do you, Naomi Jayne Blestow, take this man to be your husband,
to live together with him in the covenant of marriage?
To love him, comfort him,
honour and keep him, in sickness and in health...
and forsaking all others, be faithful unto him...
[cheering and applause]
[indistinct radio chatter]
[revs engine]
[screams]
[applause]
To my best mate, Anthony. Let's hear it for him.
[cheering]
You've been there from day one. I love you, man. I appreciate you.
Hilarious speech, by the way. By your standards.
[laughter]
-Pow! Pow! Pow! -Oh! Oh! Oh! [laughs]
[Paul] He's still got a few bullets left. Oh, man.
Oh, gosh, well, um...
[gasps] Shit!
[Paul] We have so many people to thank. Our beautiful bridesmaids.
-[cheering] -But, of course,
my most heartfelt thanks, my warmest thanks,
are to someone who's my best friend,
my lover and now, I'm honoured to say, my wife.
-Naomi! -[cheering and whooping]
-[cheering] -[Paul] One, two, three! Naomi!
-[man] The A Team! -[phone beeps]
I love you so much, darl.
Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!
[man] Congratulations, sir.
-Thank you. -No, Thank you.
-[whooping] -Get over here!
Get your ass over here.
-Get in here, big boy. -[phones beep]
-You're beautiful! -[cheering]
Yeah! Gimme five! Good choice!
You fucking earned it, man. You fucking earned it.
[giggles nervously]
Everybody, hello!
-Oh, my God. -I love you.
Can everyone be quiet for a moment?
Thank you. [giggles]
-Get rid of her. -That would play Awful.
She's a fucking 1.1.
Now for those of you who don't know me, which is... all of you...
my name is Lacie Pound
and, believe it or not, I am one of Naomi's oldest friends.
Hi, Nay-Nay!
It's great to meet you too, Paul. I've heard a lot about you.
He's a pretty big deal, that Paul.
-Pretty big deal. -[camera shutter clicks]
He makes his own tapenade! Yeah.
[laughs] Uh...
Anyway, um... I...
have looked up to Naomi pretty much my entire life.
We met when we were five years old,
and right up through to our teenage years, we made quite the pair.
We'd talk about all the things girls talk about,
you know, boys, hair, products, uh... more boys. [laughs]
I mean, I tried sometimes to expand our range a little
and talk about climate change, but she found that kind of boring so...
Go on.
She was probably right. I mean, fuck the planet, right?