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tmobley96
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black_mirror_scripts_S1-5

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Whoo!
Yes, thank you! Come on. Let's have a little fun here.
You know, fuck the planet! [laughs]
-[shouts] Fuck the planet! -[feedback]
[crockery rattles]
-[phone beeps] -Anyway...
I... looked up to Naomi pretty much my entire life,
which meant she was looking down on me.
Always with a smile though. [laughs]
In high school, she was my shoulder to cry on.
She seemed to enjoy that. Guys and me never worked out.
They'd see Naomi and just... Whoo! You know, that was it.
She had this tight ass,
like two fists.
Uh-huh.
[giggles] I was all like...
[giggles]
I was like...
through the hallways in high school.
[cackling]
[phones beep]
[cries]
And she was there for me.
Holding my hair back...
as I knelt, vomiting, in front of the crapper.
Thank you for that, Naomi.
I always wished I was you.
And...
I guess that's why you kept me around so long?
Until you got your new job
and your fancy new friends.
And that...
[laughs]
...fucking... jackhole!
And you didn't need me. You probably got another me.
Guess there's some other "yeth Beth" you moved on to like a succubus.
-[phones beeping] -I'm getting to Mr. Rags, okay? Jesus!
-[crowd gasps] -Stay back.
Stay the fuck back! I'll kill him!
I'll cut his head off and stick it up my ass!
[gasps]
[gasps] Time's nearly up!
-Hey!Calm down. -I...
I just wanted to say, in this world so caught up in our own shit,
-let's not forget what matters. -It's okay. It's okay.
Happiness, fucking Paul and Naomi, and she's...
She... She fucked Greg!
I know she did.
-I know you did. -No...
Don't even try to deny--
-[screams] -[feedback screeches]
The little girl who, when we were just five-years-old in art camp,
started talking to me because she saw I was scared
and helped me make Mr. Rags.
He reminds me of you and what you meant to me then!
[cries] And I'm so honoured to be here to see this shit!
[screams] I love you, Nay-Nay! I've always loved you!
I love you!
[camera shutter clicking]
[whirring]
[breathes deeply]
[sobs]
[laughs]
What the fuck are you looking at?
Just what I was wondering.
Well...
Don't!
Don't? Don't wonder?
Uh-huh.
-It would be a dull world without wonder. -I don't give a shit about your world.
I don't like your brassiere.
I don't like your moustache.
I don't like your aura.
-my aura? -Yeah.
I don't like your... head.
Your entire head is just ridiculous to me.
Really?
You look like an alcoholic former weatherman.
You sound like a lost little lamb
that just got told there's no Santa Claus.
What sort of cartoon character did your mum have to fuck
to brew you up in the womb?
At least I look like I was born,
not shit out by some tormented cow creature in an underground lab.
You got tossed out of that lab.
-Oh, yeah? -Oh, Yeah, flushed out.
-Ooh! -In the trash!
-your face is a fucking... -Fucking.
Fucking biological car crash
that made Picasso screw his eyes up and say,
"Well, that just don't make sense."
[laughs]
-You're a fucking asshole. -Fuck you!
-Fuck you next Wednesday. -Fuck you for Christmas!
[glass cracks]
[exhales]
[closes door quietly]
[birds tweet]
[phone vibrates]
[rattling]