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black_mirror_scripts_S1-5

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(laughs)
Yeah, right.
Throw it up there and we can grade you.
- Er... - Yeah, come on.
Well, it could be fun, we could... vote!
- Paul? - Yeah?
(Jeff) And I work in recruitment actually so it
might be quite useful for you, going forward.
Right, okay.
Liam's gonna re-do his appraisal so we can give him marks.
Notes.
Well, no pointers, you know.
I think Liam would probably...
Yeah, do you know what, guys...
Hey, guys. Now come on seriously, that's not cool.
I mean Liam's obviously uncomfortable so let's just...
...drop it, yeah?
Have a cool time.
(Paul) Time to eat!
(Lucy) Oh, it's ready.
Thank you so much for inviting us this evening,
it's been too long.
Yes, it has.
Too long.
Fi?
I haven't met him before have I? Jonas is it?
He's one of the old crowd.
I think I said.
Oh.
- You okay? - Yeah, Yeah.
You know if you're not in the mood we can go.
No, no, I'm fine.
Sure?
Hey.
(Jonas) Oh, no, I bought enough for others to share.
Thank you.
I've been cooking a lot since the break-up.
Jonas has had a tough one.
(door bell)
(Colleen) Was it bad?
Yeah, yeah.
We were in the middle of planning it all and I suddenly
realised that the less the relationship means
the more you spend on the wedding, you know.
You actually start obsessing over, over the tiniest little
details, like, like the thickness of the wedding
invitation paper, 'cause I mean God knows you need something
to fucking talk about!
So everybody, this is Hallam, Hallam, Jonas.
- Hi. - Hi.
And everyone!
- Hi. - Hello.
(Lucy) Help yourself.
Jonas was just explaining why relationships are a sham.
Are they? Shit!
They're like going to the theatre.
You pay loads to go and ultimately you're wasting
your entire night, so when someone asks you
"Did you have a good time?"
you both say "Yeah" you know, "Yeah, it was great", but the
problem is the more that you pay, and the longer it goes on,
the more you're "Oh, yeah we really loved it", you know,
"We, we love being together and never fucking anyone
else and only having just one other person to share
our real thoughts with for our entire lives".
I mean, yeah, it's great.
Would you say you loved her though?
I just think we just really fancied each other,
and that was what it was.
You know what it's like early on, you know, we were just, I
don't know, we're just two tools in a tool shed that just fit
together really fucking well.
I mean still by the end I'd be like "Go on, honey, you go up,
I'm just gonna watch a little bit more of the news", and I'd
find myself, you know, watching re-does of like hot times in
earlier relationships.
(Lucy) Easy!
I'm just saying, there's a beautiful woman upstairs,
you know, waiting to have sex with me...
What, right now?
(laughter)
She's upstairs you know waiting to have sex with me,
and I'm sat downstairs watching re-does of like some hot
times with some hot girl that I'd just picked up in some
place, and I'm fucking pulling myself off. I mean, seriously.
Ah, come on. Come on, guys, I mean,
we all scroll through the grain rifling through our
greatest hits for a little bit of filth now and then, surely?
Not me.
Hallam doesn't have a grain.
(Paul) Oh, wow.
No shit.
Is that a political thing?
No, no, I was gouged about 12 months ago.
Jesus, was that painful?
Total agony.
But on the plus of that, I don't remember it that clearly.
There's a scar in here.
Yeah?
Can I...?