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learn3r
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summ_screen_fd_bp

Dataset card Data Studio Files Files and versions Community

Split (3)

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Michael: Happy Halloween, everyone! [notices Pam, in her cat costume] Oh... that's great! Pam: Hey... Happy Halloween. Jan called. Michael: Ohh... OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I know why she's calling. It's the end of the month, and I was supposed to let somebody go by the end of the month. And somehow I'm supposed to put on a costume and smile. [dials a number on his speaker phone] Okay. Sherri: [on phone] Jan Levinson's office. Michael: Hey, Sherri. Michael Scott returning. Sherri: Oh, she's in a meeting. Uh, she just wanted the name of the employee you let go. Michael: Well, I'm gonna wait till the end of the day. Because the book said it's best to wait till the end of the day. Sherri: I just need the name of who you're planning to let go. Michael: I don't know... yet. I will have to call her back. Sherri: I know she wanted the name. Michael: Okay... Sherri? Sherri: Yeah? Michael: If you were getting fired, how would you wanna be told so you could still be friends with the person firing you? Sherri: Jan wants the name as soon as possible, Michael. Michael: Thanks. Sherri: Mm-Hmm. Michael: I'll call her back. [talks softy, to himself] Wish I could fire Sherri. Sherri: Hey, I'm still here. Michael: Okay! I'm sorry. Sherri: Yeah. Michael: No? Sherri: OK. Michael: Bye. Sherri: Hanging up now. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I mean you hear about layoffs in the news, but when you actually have to do it yourself, it is heavy stuff. It's... these are people's lives you're talking about. Pam: [entering] You wanted me? Michael: Yes. Pam: [notices Michael's costume] Papier-mache? Michael: Yes. Pam: Hmm. Michael: Yeeesh. Pam: Mm-hmm. Michael: Um, Pam, I have to let somebody go today. This is, uh, the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Pam: Why did you put it off until Halloween? Michael: Because it's very scary stuff. Pam: I think it's gonna put a damper on the party a little. Michael: You're worried about the party? There's a man's life at stake here. Pam: So it's a man? Michael: No. Or a woman. A human life. If you had to guess, who it would be based on their job performance... and who you think deserved to be fired - who would that be? Pam: I just answer the phone. Michael: And... sometimes you just let it go to voicemail. Pam: You're costume is fantastic! [laughs] Michael: I know. I sent away for it in July from a catalog. [bobs his head around, causing the costume head to jiggle around] Pam: Oh no, don't, don't, don't, don't. [Michael laughs] Aah! [laughs, then leaves] Okay... Michael: Oh, man. Okay, I have to fire somebody. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [eyeing Jim's costume] What is that?! What are you supposed to be? Jim: I'm a three hole punch version of Jim. 'Cause you can have me either way. Plain White Jim, or Three-hole Punch. Phyllis: That's great! Jim: Oh, yeah. Dwight: Yeah, well look... [pulls his hood over his head and pops up his light saber] What about me? Phyllis: What are you? A monk? Dwight: I am a Sith Lord. [looks at Jim] Oh big deal. Three round pieces of paper taped to a shirt. This cost me 129 dollars. Phyllis: Ass. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey. Oscar: Michael. Michael: You guys excited about the party? Angela: Yeah. Michael: It's gonna be fun. Kevin: Yeah. Angela: Yes. Michael: [looks to Oscar] Oh, boy... look at you! Haha. Showing your colors. Bet you wish you wore a dress every day. Oscar: What are you implying? Michael: All good. Happy Halloween. What happened to all those spooky decorations that we had? The cobwebs and such? Angela: You know, I don't know. We put them all up last night. Michael: Well, you know what? Go buy some more. I'll approve the overages. Sound good? Angela: Yeah. Michael: Good. Oh, yeah, also about budget stuff. Um, I'm going to need you to find, like a, a full employee salary, plus benefits, like fifty grand. I'm going to need you to find 50 grand in the numbers. Angela: But we don't keep two sets of books. Michael: Well, that's not what I'm saying. Just, you know, find it. Pretend that your jobs depend on it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Mmm-hm-hmm. Interesting take on Dorothy. I love it. Hey, you know what would even be better? Soccer ball and cleats. Kelly: Why is that? Michael: "Bend It Like Beckham." Kelly: Oh, like ... the movie about the Indian girl who plays soccer? Michael: [laughs] Yeah. That would be perfect. Kelly: Yeah, I mean, I guess I could do that. I don't really play soccer or anything. Michael: Well, I don't really have two heads. So... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Wait, what are you again? Oh, right... Three-hole PUNCH! [punches Jim in the chest and cracks up laughing] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Okay, greatest strength. Jim: Okay, okay... Pam: A dog-like obedience to authority Jim: Nice. Pam: But that doesn't sound good. Jim: Okay, okay. Um, how 'bout, the ultimate team player? [Pam laughs and types] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Dwight is... special. But, I don't believe that his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig's List. We're really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Um, preferably Alaska... or India. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: He's a gun nut. Jim: Um. He sticks to his guns. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Well, I looked through all the budgets. And there is one department... Oscar: Yes? Angela: ... that has three people... Oscar: Yeah? Angela: ... doing the work that could be done by two. Oscar: This is great. [Angela shakes her head] Oh. Kevin: Yeah. Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Who do you think it should be? Dwight: Jim. Definitely. Michael: No, Jim brings in money. Dwight: Phyllis. Michael: Eh. Dwight: Stanley. Pam. Oscar. Meredith. Kevin. Angela. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It's not a popularity contest. Although it does make sense to fire the least popular because it has the least effect on morale. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: One of the warehouse guys. Michael: [turns to the fake head, listening] What? There was someone left off that list? Who? Dwight: Who is he saying? Michael: You're right, I didn't even think of him. Dwight: No, Michael. Michael: Yeah, that's actually a really good idea. Dwight: No, not me. Michael: Yeah... I could. Dwight: Not Dwight. Michael: I'm not saying that's what he said. Dwight: I know that's what he said. Michael: [listening to his head] What? Dwight: Tell him, not Dwight. Michael: That is not a very nice thing to say about him. Dwight: Tell him to stop. Michael: Are you kidding? Dwight: Quiet, you. Michael: I agree. He'd land on his feet. Dwight: Make him be quiet. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Those aren't chips and dip. Pam: No, I made brownies. Angela: Uh! Pam: ... What? Angela: I'm just trying to figure out why you're sabotaging things. Pam: I made brownies. Angela: And I made cookies. Same category. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm guessing Angela's the one in the neighborhood who gives the trick-or-treaters some toothbrushes. Pennies. Walnuts. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [on phone] Dunder-Mifflin. This is Pam. [listens] Uh, yeah. [snaps her fingers in the air, getting Jim's attention] Just one second. I will, uh, transfer you to our manager, Michael Scott. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Um... Whoa. [picks up ringing phone][in managerial voice] Michael Scott here. Yes, I am regional manager of this orifice. Mmm hmm. Dwight Schrute is amazing. Yeah. No, he is actually the single greatest employee of his generation. Mm hmm. You know what? I'm gonna tell you what. You hire Dwight K. Schrute, and if he does not meet, nay, exceed every one of your wildest expectations, well then, you can hold me, Michael Gary Scott, personally and financially responsible. Okay. Okay. Okay-kay-kay-kay-kay. Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Stanley, could you come with me, please. Stanley: No. Dwight: As Assistant Regional Manager... Stanley: To the. Dwight: Look! I've got some bad news. You're fired. You need to pack up your things and go. [Stanley laughs.] I'm serious, Stanley. It's over. I'm sorry. Stanley: [laughs, and imitates Donald Trump] You're fired. Get your fingers off my phone. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So. How did it go with Stanley? How... how'd he take it? Dwight: He wouldn't listen to me Michael: Ahh, come on. Dwight: If you want to fire him, you're going to have to tell him yourself. Michael: I don't wanna fire Stanley. I never said that. I'm certainly not going to do it myself. Get those big, baleful, eyes staring at me. Yikes. Just, okay, just... [waves Dwight away] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [whispering on the phone] Cumberland Mills?! And how did you get my resume? Oh no, no. I'm very flattered. Don't get me wrong. I'm just not sure that it's my official resume or if it's something that maybe a satisfied customer posted online. What does it say under martial arts training? Oh. Okay, I'm gonna have to supplement that. Could I have your fax number? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm getting paid for here is my loyalty. But, if there were somewhere else that valued that loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Oh... hey. Ryan: Oh, your dress is stuck in the back. Kind of just... Oscar: Oh. [fixes his dress] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on the phone] So you got the fax? So why didn't you add it to the res... ? What do you mean? Of course martial arts training is relevant. Oh, excuse me! I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Uh, yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence. Well, you know what? You can go to hell, too. And I will see you there... burning. Fine! Okay... oh wait! So you'll let me know when you've made a decis... [stops and hangs up phone.] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Jim is really talented. And he should be the one who's getting a better job offer. Like, for real. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Don't take this the wrong way, but... you should go for that job. Jim: Um... it's in Maryland. Pam: Yeah, but I mean, look at the salary. And it's definitely a step up. And a challenge. Jim: Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Maybe... maybe I will. [starts walking away] Pam: Jim... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: This is called leveraging an offer. [walks into Michael's office] Michael, can I talk to you for a moment? Michael: Oh, God. Dwight: I just thought you should know that I was just offered a job with better pay, better benefits and a better title at Cumberland Mills. Michael: Fantastic! Dwight: And I turned it down. Michael: What?! That would've solved all my problems. Dwight: Out of loyalty to this company... Michael: Oh, you idiot. Dwight: ... so I was hoping to be made Assistant Regional Manager officially. Michael: If you left, I wouldn't have to fire anybody. Dwight: But then you wouldn't have me here. Michael: Big deal. Oh, it would've worked out so well. Can you get it back? Dwight: It's in Maryland. Michael: You can call. Can you call 'em? Dwight: I can't. I... I suppose I coul... no. They never really made me an offer anyway. Michael: Wohahah! Why are you torturing me?! God. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Honestly, I don't think Michael has the slightest clue of who he's gonna fire. I think he keeps hoping that someone's going to volunteer. Uh, or be run over by a bus before the deadline. But in the end, really, what's going to happen is it's gonna be the first person to give him a dirty look in the hall. And therein lies the true essence of his charisma. Michael: [clearing his throat and interrupting Jim's talking head] Can I speak to you a minute? Jim: Um... yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Michael, I really didn't mean to... Michael: Help. Me. Jim: I'm sorry? Michael: I want you to role play firing me. I want you to fire me, and I will take it. Jim: Oh, you want me to be you? Michael: Yes. Jim: Okay. Michael: I want you to be me, and I will be Creed. Jim: Oh, are you firing Creed? Michael: No, no, no. That's just the first thing... came... in head. Jim: We should switch seats in order to... Michael: Yes, that's a good idea. Jim: Alright. [they stand up] Excuse me.[They sit down] I'm really sorry, but I have to let you go. And it's purely budgetary. It's not personal... Michael: Aaaahh! I'm gonna kill myself! Jim: Wow. Michael: I'm going to kill myself, and it's your fault! Jim: That's an overreaction. Michael: Corporate is really breathing down my neck. And they're saying this has to be done by the end of the month. Jim: Is this you? Are you being you, or is this Creed? Are you... Michael: I... this is Creed. Jim: Okay. Michael: I'm improvising, so just try to keep up. [phone rings] Jim: Oh, hold that thought. Hold that thought. Michael: And I'm very angry, and I want... Jim: [picks up the phone] Michael Scott here. Michael: I'm gonna kill you. I'm going to kill you for firing me. Jim: Toby? Mm hmm. [looks back to Michael] I really have to take this Creed, so it was really worth... Michael: Get off, get off. No, no. OK.. just get off.[sits back down in his chair and waves Jim off.] Just, just... yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: What happened? Jim: It wasn't me. Pam: Oh. That was like crazy. 'Cause I was... Jim: Yeah, I know. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Uh, hey... Creed? Creed: Huh? Michael: Could I talk to you for a second? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You are great. Very ambitious. And I feel like you want more than this little office has to offer. And I understand that you'd wanna just spread your wings, and fly the coop. Creed: What are you telling me? Michael: I... we're gonna have to... You... you want something better. Creed: No, I don't. I wanna stay right here. Michael: No, you wanna leave. Creed: No, I wanna stay here. Michael: Why... why are you making this so hard? Creed: Um, I think there's a misunderstanding, Michael. Michael: I think you're right. Creed: Can I go? Michael: No, of course you can't go. We haven't even started this horrible process of... okay, Creed. I need to let somebody go today. They told me I need to let somebody go. And as much as I think you're a great guy, and I like you, you're... you're, goodbye. Creed: Let's fight it. Michael: Hmm? Creed: Let's call Jan and fight this thing together like the old days. Michael: What old days? What are you talking about? Creed: Did you start the paperwork yet? Michael: It's right here on the desk, yeah. Creed: You don't have to do this, Michael. Michael: I can't, I can't... Creed: Undo it! Michael: I can't change anything. This is the way... Creed: No, you have the power to undo it. Michael: I don't... okay, just listen. Creed: Michael, undo it! Michael: Don't... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot the deer in the leg, had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I have to fire someone today, okay? Creed: Fine. Fire someone else. Fire Devon. He's terrible. I am so much better at my job than Devon. Michael: Okay, well... I already picked you. And you know that. So, unless I just go through with this, you're always gonna look at me as the guy who almost fired you. Creed: No, no, no, no, no, no. I will forget so fast. You will be my savior. You're they guy who gave me my life back. Thank you. I knew you'd see it my way Michael. God Bless you. You're a fine man. Michael: Don't... Creed: Listen, you will not regret this either. Devon is terrible; No one's gonna miss him. Good, good, good. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Devon, could I talk to you for a sec? [SCENE_BREAK] Devon: Creed's an idiot, you know that. Michael: Well, he... Devon: No, no, no, no, no, no! You had it right the first time. Michael: Well, maybe I did. Devon: Exactly. You gotta go with your gut, man. Michael: Huh. No! I can't, no. I can't go back. I would look like an idiot. Devon: That's why I'm being fired? Michael: No. Devon: So you might not look like an idiot? Michael: No. It was all the stuff that I said. It was the business downturn, the cutbacks, and, and... Devon: This is unbelievable! Michael: I just hope that you and I can remain friends. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Devon, wait, please. Devon: What! Michael: Look, look. In addition to severance, and everything, I want to give you this gift certificate to Chili's. From me. Okay? No hard feelings. Devon: [takes the gift certificate and tears it up] Kevin, Jim, Pam, Kelly, Toby, Oscar, Meredith, Phyllis, Stanley, or the temp. If any of you wanna meet me for a drink, I'm going to be at Poor Richard's. And the rest of you can go to hell! Angela: [watching nearly everyone leave] What about the Halloween party? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh, hey, Jim. Wait, stop. Um, I'm sorry... for pushing you towards Cumberland. Seriously, if you left here, I would blow my brains out. Jim: [motions for her to follow him] Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: That's just a figure of speech, you know? Blow your brains out? Come on. All it really means is that we're friends. Who else is she gonna talk to if I'm gone, right? I mean, if she left, I wouldn't blow my brains out. Of course, I would take that job in Maryland. Because it's double the pay, and soft shell crab just happens to be my favorite food. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I love Halloween. You know, it's just, it's just fun. Every year, it's just fun. Last Halloween I came as Janet Jackson's boob. It was topical. People got a... a big kick out of it. The year before that, I came as Monica Lewinsky, and I wore a stained dress. The year before that, I also came as Monica Lewinsky. And before that, I was O.J. It was pretty funny. Oh, I wish you were here last year. [SCENE_BREAK] Children: [ringing the doorbell of Michael's Condo] Trick or treat! Michael: He... Hey, hey, hey, hey! How you doing? Wow! You guys looks great. Kid: I'm a bumble bee. Michael: You look great! And you're a princess? Kid: A fairy princess. Michael: A fairy princess. You're very... . Kid: I'm a lion. Michael: You're a lion. [trying to to open a bag of candy] Wow, I want to hear your, your... Oh! [the bag tears open, spilling all the candy] Oh, okay, that's all yours. That's all yours. Grab it, grab it. You know what? You guys are getting all of these.	Plan: A: Downsizing; Q: What causes corporate headquarters to order Michael to fire somebody by the end of October? A: Halloween; Q: When does Michael decide to fire someone? A: Supplier Relations representative Devon White; Q: Who does Michael decide to fire instead of Quality Assurance representative Creed Bratton? Summary: Downsizing leads corporate headquarters to order Michael to fire somebody by the end of October. Michael procrastinates until Halloween , when he still has not decided whom to fire. When he decides to fire Quality Assurance representative Creed Bratton , Creed manages to convince Michael to fire Supplier Relations representative Devon White instead.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] This is avoiding me. I now, I just feel too guilty. Be patient. My feelings for you are real. But Marian is my wife. She's a monster. Regina: Maybe you don't know me as well as you think. Regina, we've been trying to find you. We need to talk about... Give me two weeks. Misthaven is a short journey. What do we even know about this... Misthaven? You might know it better by what the inhabitants call it. The enchanted forest. We have to go after her. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mr Gold's Shop.) Elsa: Don't worry, Anna. I will find you. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the street.) Elsa: Until we're together, no one leaves this town. (Elsa uses her powers and an ice wall grows at the border of Storybrooke.) Elsa: Anna, I will find out what happened to you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Anna is walking to a farm. She knocks on the door. David opens.) David: Can I help you? Anna: I hope so. Are you David? David: Yes. Yes, I am. Anna: So, anyway, I got your name from an old friend of yours... From Arendelle. David: Arendelle? You know Kristoff? Anna: What makes you think it's Kristoff? David: He's the only person from Arendelle I know. Anna: Okay. He didn't tell me that. Hard to be on a secret mission when you don't have all the facts. David: What's the mission? Anna: I just told you it's secret. But he told me I could trust you... Just not with the mission. David: Okay. What's your name? Anna: Joan. David: Your name's not Joan. Anna: You're smart, too. That's good. See, I have to give a false name for your safety. David: You're wanted? (Look, I don't know if I can be more clear... Secret mission, your safety. Let me start over. I'm Joan. Can I sleep in your barn?) David: Sure, Joan. Anything for Kristoff's fiancée. The ring. Congratulations. Anna: Thanks. David: Well, I guess I'll find out your name at the wedding. Uh, the barn's out back. You can stay the night. You should hurry and get inside. This is a bad time. (Somebody is coming.) Anna: Who's that? David: That is someone you don't want to mess with. They call her Bo Peep. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Charming family's loft.) Mary Margaret: Here you go, sweetheart. I'll see you in three hours for your midnight shrieking. Yes, I will. Ohh. Sweet dreams. Henry: What do you suppose babies dream about? David: Bullfighting. Emma: Laser tag. Mary Margaret: That's not true. Henry: I think they're joking. Mary Margaret: Right. I'll recognize funny again when he's 3 and I've had some sleep. David: 3? I see the optimism returning. Emma: Okay, chocolate, DVDs, ice cream. Red wine? That's one heck of a late-night snack, kid. Henry: It's for my mom. Emma: I don't drink and sheriff. Henry: My other mom. I googled "how to get over a breakup." It didn't talk about your boyfriend's wife time-travelling back from the past, but close enough. Emma: That's really sweet. (A raven knocks on the window.) David: What the... Mary Margaret: It's a message. It's for Henry. It's from your mother. Henry: She doesn't want to see me. [SCENE_BREAK] (A Granny's Diner. Henry is thinking. Emma enters.) Emma: You know, that is not exactly what she said. I read the note. She said for right now, while she's dealing with things. Henry: She doesn't want to see me. Emma: She's in a lot of pain over Robin Hood well, forever. Things have been tough on her and you. She's trying to fix them so that you two can be together... Because she cares about you. Henry: So why'd she tell me to stay away? Emma: Because she thinks she's making things better. Henry: She's not. [SCENE_BREAK] (The power is off.) Emma: What the hell? David: Emma, I-I'm getting calls from all over. It's a town-wide blackout. Emma: Yeah, copy that. I'm looking at it. David: I'll swing by to get you. We can check this out. Emma: Hey, kid. You want to come along on this one? We can call it operation... Nightshade or, uh, blackthorn or... Henry: That's okay. [SCENE_BREAK] (In David's car.) Emma: He wouldn't even let me hug him. It killed me. David: Sounds familiar. Emma: 'Cause I do that. Great. I've passed it along. David: Not just you. Henry has two moms who both put up walls. Sounds like he's taking after the both of you. Emma: It's not like him to pass up on operation anything. I'm worried. David: Well, kids have extreme reactions. They get over it fast. Just stay strong and roll with it. There's always people in this world who want you to give up. Don't make their jobs any easier. What the hell? Emma: Well, there you go. Whatever happened to these power lines happened after the snow monster. Let's go find whoever did this. (Emma and David get out off the car. Elsa is hiding in the wall.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Leroy, Granny and Happy knock on Mary Margaret's door. She opens.) Mary Margaret: Why? Well, just come on in, I guess. Leroy: Oh, look at the baby... Mary Margaret: Thanks. Leroy: Is what I'd say if I could look at the baby. But I can't. Why? 'Cause it's dark. Happy: Know what else we can't look at? The Internet, TV, my clock. Leroy: Happy's right. Power's out. So what are you gonna do about it, sister? Mary Margaret: Me? I think you mean Regina, the mayor. Granny: She doesn't want the job anymore. This is your curse. You are the mayor now. Mary Margaret: I am? Leroy: We helped you take your kingdom back... Remember? So you could rule. Well, this is your kingdom now. So rule it. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the wall.) Hook: In case you were wondering, it goes the whole way 'round. David: Hook, I didn't know you were joining us. Hook: I get a distress call from a fair maiden, and I'm on the spot. Emma: I was not distressed, and you're saying this wall goes around what... The whole town? Hook: And that it does. David: So, once again, we can't leave Storybrooke. Hook: Doing more than keeping us inside, by the looks of that. Guess that's what caused the loss of power. Emma: Look at you becoming a 21st-century man. Yeah. It looks to me like whoever was putting up the wall wasn't trying to take out the lights. They were just putting up the wall. David: To keep us in... Why? Hook: Kill us all one by one. It's what I'd do. (David leaves.) Hook: Oh. I should have brought the champagne. Emma: What? Hook: To celebrate our second date. And because we've got the world's largest ice bucket. Emma: Second date? Did I miss the first? Hook: Aye. The snow monster's the first. Ice wall's the second. After all, if I only count the quiet dinners, we wouldn't even get one. Emma: I think I see something by the wall. You wait here with your ice bucket while I check that out. (Emma leaves and David comes back.) David: I think it's time. You and I have a little talk about your intentions with my daughter. Hook: That's a little old-fashioned, even by my standards, and I still pay with doubloons. David: Oh, remember, I know your reputation. Emma is not some conquest. Hook: I wouldn't risk my life for someone I see as loot. Whatever we become, it's up to her as much as me. [SCENE_BREAK] (On the wall.) Emma: Hey. Who are you? Elsa: My name is Elsa. Emma: Okay, Elsa. It's okay. I'm Emma. You want to tell me what you're doing out here? You have something to do with this... Wall? Elsa: I'm looking for someone... My sister. I can't find her. This was hers. I found it in the store filled with things. Where is she? Emma: I have no idea, but if you want me to help you, you have to help me. What's her name? Elsa: Anna. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Ruth and David's farm.) Ruth: "Do you want a glass of tea, Bo Peep? Bo Peep: How about a cookie, Bo Peep?" David: You're not here for tea. Bo Peep: Well, the boy's got that right. Who's that? Anna: My name is Joan. Bo Peep: Adorable. You know me, Ruth. You know what I want. My payment. David: Your extortion. Bo Peep: Call it what you like, but you and your flock are safe as long as you pay me what's due. David: It's... It's been a slow month. Bo Peep: How about this... You just figure out how to pay me what you owe me by tomorrow at noon. David: We... You've got to give us more time. Bo Peep: I don't give anything. But perhaps if you hand over your steed, I'll allow another day. David: No. No deal. That... That horse never leaves my side. Bo Peep: Then tomorrow, when I come back, if there's no payment, you keep the horse, and I take your farm. And you can work off your debts as my slaves. David: Mother, we don't need this. Let's go. We can leave this place and start over... (Bo Peep uses her magic on David and Ruth.) Bo Peep: You can't go anywhere. You're branded now. This stick is how I find my flock, and you're now one of my sheep. And if you don't like it, pay me what you owe me, or this farm and your lives are mine. [SCENE_BREAK] (David is working when Anna interrupts him.) Anna: You're not seriously going to actually work the farm for that... That bully. David: That bully is the most powerful warlord in the region. Anna: So you're okay being her slaves? David: Until we work it off. What choice do we have? Anna: You could fight. David: She has an army. I'm sorry, but why fight a battle you can't win? Anna: Those are exactly the battles you should fight. If you know you could win, it's not a fight. If it's impossible, you have to fight to achieve it. David: Spoken like a naive young girl. Anna: Right. I am a young girl, and I'm missing my own wedding to go to a strange land and track down... Some secret-mission things. And you're a great, big grown man who doesn't even have to leave his own home to tackle some random bully. David: I'm a Shepherd, Joan. Sure, if someone picks a fight with me in a tavern, I can hold my own. This is a warlord with a private army. What good are my fists against that? Anna: Maybe try a sword. David: I don't know what Arendelle is like, but here in the enchanted forest, most farmers don't do a lot of sword-fighting. Anna: Well, if it's help with a sword you need, that I can do. David: How? Kristoff show you? 'Cause using an ice pick to shave cubes for cool beverages is pretty different. Anna: He didn't teach me. I learned from my soldiers. M-my family's sold... Some soldiers I met at a place one time, and I can teach you. What do you have to lose? You can always give up tomorrow. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma is speaking with Elsa. Hook and David come.) Hook: Emma! Emma: Stay back. David: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Emma: No, no, no. Stay back. It's okay. She's just trying to find... (Elsa looses control of her powers. An ice-wall grows again.) Hook: Emma! (Snow and ice fall. David, Hook, Emma and Elsa are separated by a wall.) [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: The device... Call her. David: Emma, are you in there? Hook: I'm getting her out. David: What if we lift? Hook: Don't! We're not giving up. David: We won't, but this is not getting us anywhere. Hook: Well, I'm open to suggestions. David: Magic made this thing. I think we're gonna need magic to unmake it. And I'm not gonna stop fighting until we do. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Anna is teaching fencing to David.) Anna: You're doing great. David: All right. All right. Anna: You're getting there. Let's go again. David: No. We're done. I'm sorry, but if I can't beat you, how am I gonna beat her army? Anna: Wow. You really like to give up. David: I know you think you know more, but I have my share of experience, too. I know about battles that can't be won. And right now, the best hope for me... And, more importantly, my mother... Is survival. Anna: Wow. I was wrong. You really, really like to give up. David: I like to survive. Anna: It isn't living. David: It's actually the definition of living. Anna: Now who's naive? I went through this with my sister. Scary things happened, and she did what you're doing. She hid. But the way she hid was by running away. She thought that was the solution to her problem, but it wasn't. She needed a push, like you, to see that surviving isn't living. David: And you gave her that push? Anna: I almost died doing it, but, yeah, I did. And if you become Bo Peep's slave, you'll be doing the same thing. David: I'll lose everything if we fight. Anna: You'll lose more if you don't. David: Let me be the judge of what loss I can take. Anna: Stop being so stubborn. You don't know anything about loss. You're just afraid of it. David: Oh, I don't, do I? Anna: If you did, you wouldn't act this way. David: Loss is exactly why I'm acting this way. Anna: I think it's cowardice. I mean... Well, yeah, I mean that. David: When I was 6 years old, one morning, I woke up hearing my father and mother go at it. They fought a lot... Usually over the same thing... His drinking. But this time, something was different, and I heard my father not yelling, but crying... And through the tears, he said to my mother words I would never forget... "I will beat this." He said to her, "I have to be better for the boy. I have to be different. I have to stop." And he promised he would. Every few months, we needed supplies. It was a two-week journey... Usually one that was a two-week bender. But he said he was leaving this time, and he wouldn't touch a drop, and in two weeks, he would be back home, himself again... Her husband, my father. We'd be a family. My mother kept this secret from me, but I knew. And every morning for two weeks, I woke with a smile on my face knowing my father would be back. So... On the 14th day, I arose, and I heard a knock at the door, and I ran to open it, ready to hug my father... And I was greeted by the local constable. Yeah, my father fought his battle... And for 13 days, he won. But on the 14th, he spent his last night in a tavern... And they found his body in the wreckage of our cart at the bottom of a ravine. Some battles can't be won. Some forces are too strong. Anna: You had a lousy father. I mean he was weak. I-I mean you are not. I-I mean you're strong. David: You don't know that. Anna: I hope it. Look... I just need a night here before I continue my journey, but I'll stay tomorrow and help, if that's what you want. Just meet me in the morning at the barn, and we can continue training. But if you don't... Then I'll just be on my way. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Inside the ice-wall.) Emma: Wow. I got to give it to you, you put on quite a show. You want to tell me what this is about? Elsa: No. Just that I'm very powerful, and you and your people... You need to be more careful. Keep your distance. Emma: I think I can guarantee that, so if you want to, you know, hit "undo" on that, then... We'll get right on it. Elsa: I... Not right away. Bring me what I want, and then I'll consider freeing you. Emma: Your sister, right? I can't really look for her from in here. David: Emma! Can you hear me? Elsa: What is that? Emma: Uh... It's a... David: Emma, are you okay? Say something. Emma: Allows me to talk to my father, who's on the other side of that wall, but if you want to melt that, we can all talk. Elsa: Tell him to go get Anna. Emma: Dad, can you hear me? Hook: Emma. Say again. Emma: I'm in here with this woman. She's looking for her sister, Anna. She thinks that Anna is in town because she found a necklace of hers in gold's shop. She wants us to try to find her before... Elsa: Before I freeze this town and everyone in it. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Storybrooke Power INC.) Leroy: Is she fixing it? Granny: I've got a fridge full of iffy clams. Just read the manual. Happy: The manual's in Japanese. Granny: Well, just do something. Happy: Maybe Marco should be helping with the power. He's the handyman. Leroy: Geppetto? You think? I mean, I'm not sure handcrafted Tuscan wood carvings are really gonna save the day. Granny: Dr. Whale? Leroy: He's a doctor, not electrician. Mary Margaret: We don't need help! Leroy: You think? I mean, I'm grumpy now. Imagine me in the morning without a coffee maker. Happy: Or a computer or stop lights, TV, DVD, CD, DVR, DVD. Mary Margaret: Stop saying letters! Look, I am not magic. I have had eight hours of sleep in the last week, I am breastfeeding, and I am exhausted! I don't need this. I may have cast a little curse, but I did not ask to maintain a metropolitan electrical grid. Oh, and get this... I'm starting to get why Regina was evil. It wasn't her! It was you! You have survived your entire lives without light bulbs! Buy a flashlight! [SCENE_BREAK] (Inside the ice wall.) Emma: Aren't you cold? I'm freezing. Elsa: It's never bothered me. Emma: The other day, there was something here... We called it a snow monster. I assume that's something you made? Elsa: I'll do whatever it takes to get my sister back. Emma: I can tell you care about her a lot. I'm sorry about her necklace. Elsa: Where is it? Emma: It fell into the ice here. You can melt down to get it back. Keep going, and we could take this whole conversation somewhere warmer. You can't control it, can you? What you said to David on the walkie... It wasn't a threat. It was a warning, because you can't control what you're doing. Elsa: What makes you think you know me? Emma: Because I know me, and I have powers, too, and I am not great at controlling them. And it looks to me like you're the same way. Elsa: You... You have magic? Emma: Yeah. Elsa: Anna helps. She... Helps me control it. So if I can find her, she can help me undo this. We can get rid of all this... The whole wall... When she's here. Emma: Well, I'm afraid she's not. Elsa: Maybe your magic could help get us out of here. Emma: I've been trying... Even just trying to warm myself up. I can't really feel my hands or my feet. Okay. See? I-I don't have control o-over mine, either. Oh, God. I'm just tired. Elsa: Oh, no. Emma: If I could just... Lay down for a minute. Elsa: Emma. Emma, talk to me. Tell me more. Uh, were you born with magic or cursed? Emma: So, those are my two options? Um, I don't know. I... I was raised in a place without magic, and, um... I didn't know I had these powers until recently, and I didn't have any parents around to help me with them. Elsa: Parents don't always help. I ended up queen of a large land, unprepared. Emma: I hear you with "unprepared." I'm... Get this... A saviour. I'm still not sure what the hell that means. Elsa: Sometimes, it all feels like too much, doesn't it? And even trying to just shut it out... That ends up hurting people, too. And part of it is I'm the only one I've ever heard of with powers like mine. Emma: That has to be very lonely. Elsa: I'm very sorry I trapped us here. I didn't mean it. Emma: I know. Elsa: Emma? Emma? [SCENE_BREAK] (David and Hook enter in Mr Gold's shop.) Mr Gold: It appears our honeymoon is over. David: Yeah, there's an emergency. Emma's trapped under ice by a woman with some kind of ice magic. Mr Gold: And this involves me because? Hook: You're the bloody dark one. Do something. Mr Gold: Well, I could melt the ice and destroy it with a thought, but that would also destroy your girlfriend. Is that what you want? David: No one's destroying anyone. Now, the woman who has Emma trapped is in there with her, and she's looking for her sister... name of Anna. She thinks she's in town because of something of hers she found in your shop... A necklace. Belle: Is that it? David: Wait. I know this. I know exactly who Anna is. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (David comes in the barn. He is looking for Joan.) David: Joan? Joan, I'm sorry, but we can't win this. You have to go before Bo Peep returns. I-I brought some provisions. Get out of here. You can save yourself. Bo Peep: No, she can't. David: Where's Joan? Bo Peep: I have her where she can't get out... And get herself in trouble. And even if she does, she's been branded. I can find her... Always and forever. So, now all that's left is for you and your mommy to pay me... Or hand over your farm. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Inside the ice wall.) Elsa: Emma, don't sleep. Emma: Right. Right. I'm here. Elsa: Tell me more about your son. Emma: Oh, you only want to know more because you know if I sleep, I'll die. Elsa: Emma. Emma, stay with me. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the butcher's shop.) Bo Peep: Sorry, lambkins. We're closed. David: I need your help. Bo Peep: You and me... We ain't friends. I'm not interested. Get out. David: You don't have your helpers here with you anymore, peep. Bo Peep: Right. I just have one. Say hello. Hook: Don't do it. David: Now, my daughter's in trouble, and I need to find the person that can help her... Someone you branded. Bo Peep: I branded a lot of people. David: Her name was Anna. She went by "Joan" back then. Bo Peep: Do I look like I keep a record book? 'Cause I don't. David: Then you know what I need. Hook, back room. She won't keep it far from her. You're looking for a Shepherd's crook. Bo Peep: Hey. Hey! That's my personal property. Give it up! David: Sorry. Bo Peep: Ah, so, in this world, you're a hero? David: In this world, I don't have to answer to you. Let's go find Anna. Hook? Hook? Hook: It's that woman, Elsa. She said Emma's passed out. She's freezing to death. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Bo Peep's place.) Bo Peep: High noon. Right on time. I hope you got my money. David: Sorry. Bo Peep: You're not actually considering fighting. You know you can't win. Boys. (David fights against the two men and wins. Bo Peep takes a sword.) Bo Peep: Guess mama's got to get her hands dirty now. (Bo Peep and David fight.) Bo Peep: See? Told you you can't win. David: Actually... Maybe I can. Where is Joan? Bo Peep: I don't owe you any answers. David: Then I'll find her myself. You're gonna help me whether you'd like to or not. Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] (David enters in a barn. Anna attacks him.) Anna: Oops. I thought you were them. David: Got your necklace back. Anna: You did it. You fought, and... You won. David: Well, don't be so surprised. It was your idea. Yeah, I just didn't think we had the time. (I mean, I hoped we did, and I had faith in you.) David: Okay. You were right. It was an impossible battle... Which is why I had to fight it. Anna: What changed your mind? It didn't get more impossible. David: When she took you. Anna: You barely know me. David: I was starting to. And what you said about your sister, uh... I might be able to survive, but... I also have to be able to live with myself, and I... I can't do that if I'm trapped in a life I don't want. Now, I think it's time we get you on your way. Anna: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (David and Hook come back to the ice wall.) David: Elsa? Elsa? How's Emma? Elsa: She's freezing... Turning blue. Hook: No. Emma! David: It's not gonna help. Elsa... Listen to me. I need you to find a way out. Elsa: I need Anna. David: Well, we don't have her right now, but we have a way to find her, and we will, but right now, you're gonna have to do this on your own. Elsa: I can't control this. David: I know how you feel. You're trapped. It's a battle you can't win, but it's exactly the kind of battle you have to fight, or you'll die. Elsa: No, I won't. I'll survive. But Emma... David: Survival isn't enough. You have to live. Elsa: Where did you hear that? David: You know where. Elsa: Anna? You knew her? David: Yeah, I did. She helped me once, a long time ago, become who I am. She saved my life and yours, and now I need you to save Emma's. I didn't know much about Anna, but... She wouldn't want you to live alone in an ice cave, which is where you'll be if you don't melt that ice. Now do it! (Elsa uses her powers to free Emma and herself.) Hook: It's working. I can see her. Emma! (Elsa helps Emma to get out off the cave.) Hook: Emma! David: Let's get her home, warmed up. (Hook and Emma hug.) Hook: Are you okay? David: You did it. You saved her. Elsa: Yes, I did. But I also endangered her. You owe me nothing. David: I owe your sister everything, and what I said was true. She helped me, and now I'm gonna help you. This isn't over. We're gonna find Anna. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Storybrooke Power INC.) Mary Margaret: Still can't read Japanese, but I can do this. (Mary Margaret tries to start the power and fails.) Mary Margaret: It should start! (Neal cries.) Mary Margaret: I know, honey. I know you're hungry. I'm sorry. I will feed you in just a second. Hungry. It's hungry, too. Fuel. Fuel! That's right. It's feeding time. Oh! Aah! Yes! (The power is on.) Mary Margaret: Baby high five! Who wants some milk from mama mayor? [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Charming family's loft.) David: Emma... Emma: Hmm. David: You okay? Hook: She's so cold. (The lights turn on.) David: Ah. (Hook brings a radiator.) Emma: Oh, that's good. Henry: I'll go make some hot cocoa. Emma: Wait. Henry: I know. With cinnamon. Emma: I'm sorry if I wasn't much help earlier, kid. Henry: I'm just glad you're okay. I was already down to one mother, and I won't go lower than that. Emma: Elsa... You okay? Elsa: Not only have I lost my sister, I've lost her necklace, too. Now I have nothing of hers. David: Then let's find her. (David gives Elsa the shepherd's crook) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Ruth and David farm.) Anna: I hope I'll see both of you at the wedding. Ruth: Consider this an early present in case you get hungry on your journey. Anna: I love sandwiches. Ruth: You've changed him, you know? Anna: David? Nah. He was always this way. He just didn't know it. Ruth: Thank you. Anna: I'm glad I helped. Can I ask you about the magic? Like, with Bo Peep's staff... Is that usual around here? Ruth: Well, there's always a bit of magic around these parts. Anna: Uh, my parents... They had a problem with magic. Really powerful stuff. Would there be someone who could help them with that kind of a thing? Ruth: I'm no expert, but there is one man... A very powerful wizard who's well-versed in all magics. Anna: Perhaps he can help me. What's his name? Ruth: I don't like to say such a name out loud. He's... A bit dangerous. But I'll write it down for you. Anna: Thank you. (Davis comes with his horse.) Anna: What's this? David: He's yours... To help you on your way. Anna: I thought he was something you could never give up. David: Uh, he's a reminder... One I don't need or want anymore. He was my father's. Anna: Look at you... All heroic now. David: Eh, still just a Shepherd. Anna: We'll see. (Ruth gives Anna a note then she leaves.) Anna: "Rumple... Rumplestiltskin." [SCENE_BREAK] (Rumplestiltskin is watching Anna through his crystal ball.) Rumplestiltskin: Mm. Hmm! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Charming family's loft.) Elsa: I don't see anything. David: It should work. Hook: Is it broken? Elsa: Or does it mean something happened to her? Emma: Wait. What's that sound? Elsa: Is that a heartbeat? David: It is. Emma: We might not know where your sister is... But we know the most important thing. Elsa: She's alive. (Mary Margaret enters.) Mary Margaret: Who's alive? Oh. Who are you? David: Uh, this is Elsa. We're gonna find her sister. That's what this family does. We find people. We always do, because we really... Really don't like to give up. [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry knocks on Regina's door.) Henry: I know you're in there! You can give up on yourself, but I'm not gonna give up on you! And I'm not gonna go away just because you told me to! I belong here, and I'm gonna come back every day, because this is my house, too! And I miss my room! (Regina opens the door.) Regina: Henry. Henry: Mom. (They hug.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Near the ice wall.) Emma: You did this. You might not totally control it, but this is amazing and... Unique, and you said you're the only one who has this power. Elsa: That's probably a good thing for everyone. Emma: And you. I mean, this is kind of... Cool. Pun intended. Elsa: Well, regardless, there's no need for a barrier anymore. Let me take it down. (Elsa uses her powers on the wall but nothing happen.) Elsa: Why can't I bring it down? There's no reason this thing should be staying frozen. I'm the only one with this power. I should be able to undo it. Emma: So, what's keeping this thing up? [SCENE_BREAK] (Leroy is buying an ice-cream.) Leroy: Thanks. Power outage must be your worst nightmare. Lose a lot of merchandise? The woman: No. I didn't lose anything. Just lucky, I guess. (The woman uses her power to freeze a juice bucket and a part of the room.)	Plan: A: her sister; Q: Who is Anna? A: Elsa; Q: Who accidentally traps Emma and Anna in an ice cave? A: the frozen temperature; Q: What puts Emma's life in danger? A: peril; Q: What does the freezing temperature of the ice cave place Emma's life in? A: Robin Hood; Q: Who is Regina depressed over her breakup with? A: Henry; Q: Who is Regina's son? A: Mary Margaret; Q: Who is the townspeople's leader? A: her first leadership task; Q: What does Mary Margaret face when trying to re-start a generator and restore the town's electricity? A: the town's electricity; Q: What does Mary Margaret have to restore after Elsa freezes and damages the power lines? A: the Enchanted Forest; Q: Where does Anna teach David to fight Bo Peep? A: the past; Q: Where is the Enchanted Forest? A: a meek; Q: What type of person is David? A: a brutal warlord; Q: Who is Bo Peep? A: his and his mother's farm; Q: What is Bo Peep threatening to take away if David doesn't pay her price? Summary: While desperately trying to find her sister Anna, Elsa is startled by Emma and accidentally traps them both inside an ice cave, with the frozen temperature placing Emma's life in peril. Regina, depressed over her likely breakup with Robin Hood, secludes herself away from the town and Henry, which saddens her son. And with the townspeople considering Mary Margaret their leader, she faces her first leadership task in trying to re-start a generator and restore the town's electricity after Elsa freezes and damages the power lines. Meanwhile, in the Enchanted Forest of the past, Anna tries to teach a meek David to fight Bo Peep, a brutal warlord who is threatening to take his and his mother's farm away if they don't pay her price.
ACT ONE Scene One KACL Frasier is wrapping up his show. Roz is talking on the phone and looks worried. Frasier: This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL, 780. He goes off the air. Roz: Frasier, that was security. Some woman insisted on seeing you, she just blew right past them. Frasier: Oh, don't panic, Roz probably just one of my more ardent fans. Diane Chambers appears in the window and knocks on the glass. Frasier turns around. She smiles and waves at him. On that image the screen suddenly GOES DARK. Then the camera pulls back from the black hole of Frasier's wide-open mouth to his face, a rictus of horror: "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!" SMASH CUT TO: Scene Two - Niles's Office Frasier bursts into Niles's office. Niles is sitting at his desk with a pad. His patient, Mr. Carr, is seated in an armchair by the door. Frasier: Niles, we've got to talk! It's urgent. Niles: Frasier, I'm with a patient! Frasier: [notices Carr] Oh, I'm sorry. Carr: [gets up] Is, uh, this about a woman? Frasier: Yes. Carr: Take all the time you need. Mr. Carr leaves. Niles: Well? Frasier: She's back the scourge of my existence. Niles: Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the wall. Frasier: I'm talking about... Diane Chambers. Niles: [hits the intercom] Lucille, send Mr. Carr home. Frasier: She just showed up at the station today. Apparently some play she wrote is being produced here in town. I admit, I just sort of panicked when I saw her, but I think I covered it masterfully. Frasier stops pacing and sits in a chair. Niles picks up his pad. Niles: All right, all right, all right. Well, uh, why do you think you reacted that way? Frasier: Oh, spare me the psychiatrist bit, Niles. That includes putting down the pad! [Niles lays the pad on the desk] In the drawer, Niles! Niles: [puts it in the drawer] Fine. My first question to you is this: Are you still in love with her? Frasier: [jumps up from his chair] No! Not in the least! It's a ridiculous suggestion. Niles: Seeing as how I have nowhere to write the phrase, "classic denial," I'll move on. So, about this woman for whom you have so little feeling that you raced across town and burst into one of my sessions is there any lingering resentment? Frasier: [dropping back into the chair] Over what?! Niles: Well, she did leave at the altar. When you told her how that made you feel, was there anything you left unsaid? [Frasier looks away] Any phrase or feeling you wished you had expressed to her? [Frasier looks away more] I'm making the assumption here that you did tell her how you felt. Frasier: I sort of did. Niles: "Sort of" is another one of those phrases that just wants to go in my pad. Frasier: I expressed my distaste for the way I'd been treated, yes. Niles: Frasier, she rejected you in the most debilitating way a man can be rejected. You've got to more than "sort of" tell her how that felt. Frasier: Well, I can't just tell Diane how awful she made me feel now! It's a distant memory for her. I'd feel weak! Niles: You have no reason to feel weak. You've moved on in your life too. You have a new career, new wealth, new success. You simply need closure in this one area. Frasier: You know, what you just said made a lot of sense. Niles: You're going to get closure. Frasier: No, that business about my success! I tuned you out after that. I'm going to invite Diane over for dinner tonight, and I'm really gonna flaunt my success, really rub her nose in it! That'll prove I'm not just some cast-aside that never got over her. Niles, I know it's not psychologically sound. But we're still human. We have to do what feels good sometimes, don't we? Niles: I'd just like to be on the record as saying I'm against it. Frasier: Fine. Niles: You know the path that leads to peace with Diane and you're rejecting it. Frasier: Yes. Niles: I'm washing my hands of the entire matter. Frasier: Wouldn't miss it for the world though, would you? Niles: I'll be there at seven with a cheeky Bordeaux. Frasier leaves. Niles grabs his pad out of the drawer and starts writing on it. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three Frasier's Apartment It's evening. Daphne is arranging things for dinner. Martin is reading the paper. Frasier comes out, wearing his best suit. Frasier: No, no, no. Daphne, I was very specific about this. The mayor's plaque goes on the piano... He moves the plaque to the piano. Frasier: The Otis Klandenning "Man of the Year Award" goes right over here... He places an elaborate silver bowl on the little table next to the Armchair. Frasier: And my jewel my SeaBea goes right here where she can't miss it! [puts in on the mantel] Daphne: Hmm, that seems a bit subtle. Why don't I just use this to serve the olives? She takes the SeaBea trophy a silver miniature of the Space Needle and spears an olive out of the appetizer tray. Frasier: Give me that! [replaces it] Daphne: I wish someone would just tell me who this woman is, and why we're trying to impress the pants off her. The doorbell rings. Frasier: She's a one-time Boston barmaid who had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a sanitorium, where I met her, fell for her, and then was so mercilessly rejected by her that to this day there is a sucking chest wound where once there dwelled a heart! He opens the door. Diane stands there, elegant and smiling. Frasier: [welcoming] Diane! Diane: Hello, Frasier. Frasier: Please. [she comes in] You remember my brother Niles, my father Martin, and this is his health-care worker, Daphne Moon. They all ad-lib hellos. Diane: What a tasteful abode. Frasier: Well, it's modest in its way. Diane: No, that's what I like about it. After the rambling beach house I've been living in, I'm ready for something smart and efficient. Frasier: White wine, Diane? I'm pouring an '85 Montrachet La Guiche I purchased at auction. Diane: Oh, I always keep a bottle of that open myself. Frasier's smile is so fixed on his face, it's painful to look at. He tosses her coat to Daphne. Frasier: Hang this up! Diane sits opposite Martin. Diane: Well, Martin, it's been too long. How have you been? Martin: Well, my wife died, I got shot in the hip, and I had to move in with Frasier 'cause I kept falling down in the shower. Diane: Well, you look wonderful! [pats his knee] Yes, you do! Martin: That's the bad one. Diane: Oh! [gets up] Niles, do you remember the last time I was in town and we dined together? You had just started dating this woman she was the queerest little creature. [Frasier hands her a glass of wine] Thank you. [laughs] She ate everyone's sorbet, and then she had to lie down in the ladies' lounge while the coat-check girl massaged her abdomen! She stops laughing when she notices Frasier's uncomfortable look. Diane: Oh, I hope I haven't put my foot in it. You and she didn't get married and live happily ever after, did you? Niles: No, can't say as we did. Daphne: Care for an olive? Diane: Oh, thank you. Frasier: These are a Pyreenean taste treat! They're handpicked and bottled by Andalusian monks! Daphne: [lifting the "Man of the Year" cup] You can spit the pits in here. Frasier snatches the cup down as Diane spits, narrowly missing Martin. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four Frasier's Apartment Everyone is sitting at the dinner table. Diane is telling a story. Diane: So, there I was, on the balcony of my Malibu beachhouse, when a pod of whales passed by. I knew I had to commune with these gentle giants, so like a flash, I was on the beach, scrambling to my kayak. But cruel fortune interceded, when, not twenty yards offshore, I suddenly discovered myself entangled in an enormous bed of-of, um Niles: Sea kelp? Diane: Exactly right, sea kelp! Martin: Oh, that's funny I thought he said "seek help." Daphne: So, you haven't told us how you've come to be in Seattle. Diane: Oh, a small theater group has decided to produce a play I've written. Frasier: Which one? Diane: Oh, my most recent work. It's a sort of feminist odyssey, experimental in places, in tone akin to Saroyan, with a soupηon of Gide, and a hearty nod to Clifford Odets! Frasier: I meant which theater? Diane: Oh! The Roundabout. Martin: That seems appropriate. Frasier: You know, why don't you people just keep talking amongst yourselves? I will go and fetch the profiteroles. They were prepared by the hottest new pastry chef in... oh, what's the use? Frasier goes to the kitchen. Niles gets up. Niles: I'll help. He always overpowders. Martin: Yeah, I'm sure Old Man Kennedy felt this kind of pride when his boys would go out and play touch football. In the kitchen, Frasier takes a plate of little cakes out of the refrigerator. Niles: Now, Frasier, you know her better than I. Is that what she looks like when she's writhing in envy? Frasier: Oh, shut up. All right, I admit you were right. Before she leaves here tonight, I am going to tell her how much pain she made me feel. [energetically sprinkling sugar on the cakes] The savage truth this time there will be no sugarcoating it! [Niles motions him to use less] And yes, I am aware of the irony! [blows the excess in Niles's face] They bring the cakes out. Daphne: Oh, it must be wonderful to see your words come to life like that. Diane: Oh yes. It's a dream come true. The right side of her face twitches suddenly. Martin: Diane, are you OK? Diane: Yes, I'm fine. Why? Martin: Well, your cheek was kind of twitching. Diane: It was? Oh well, it was probably fatigue. Where were we? Daphne: Oh, I was asking about your play. Diane: Oh, right! [she twitches again, harder] Martin: There it goes again, the twitch! Daphne: That was either a very large twitch or a very small seizure. Diane: You know, I'm not sure how much I really want to talk about my play right now. [twitches even harder, and covers her face with a napkin] Bad luck and all that! Frasier: Yes, and we all know what a struggle it is to get Diane to talk about herself. Diane: [laughing] Oh Frasier, you always could kid! How I miss that! Her laughs slide gradually into tears, and then into noisy, full-blown sobbing. Her head droops down onto the table as she keeps crying. Frasier: Look, Diane, please, I-I really didn't mean anything by it. I'm sorry Diane: It's not that! It's my whole life, it's ruined! Frasier: Niles, could you please get her some water? Niles: Of course, of course. [goes to the kitchen] Diane: Oh, everything I told you tonight is a lie. I'm sorry for this. Oh, I must look just awful. Martin: Your cheek stopped jumping. Frasier: All right, now. Tell me what happened. Was it about your play? That sets off the twitch. Daphne: There it goes again! Frasier: Look, would you people please just give us some privacy?! Everyone gets up and goes to the kitchen. Frasier sits next to Diane. Frasier: All right now. From the beginning. Diane: Well, it all started a few months ago when I lost my job. I'd been writing for "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman." I was on the set one day, and I was trying to show Jane Seymour the proper way to cauterize a wound with a branding iron, and I accidentally set her hair on fire. Well, from there it was a steady slide downhill. A two-year relationship ended, I lost the beach house, friends stopped calling the one bright spot was my play in Seattle. Well, I flew up here yesterday only to find that the backer was pulling out. I was so distraught I found myself wandering around the city in complete despair. It's then that like a ray of hope from heaven, I saw your smiling face on the side of a bus. And that's why I'm here today. You helped me the only other time I was this low. Frasier, I'm asking for your help again. Frasier: Of course I'll help you, Diane. Diane: Oh, Frasier... Reset to: The kitchen. Daphne: Well, that was a bit scary. Martin: I'll say watching someone go completely crackers like that. Niles starts to sniffle. Martin: What's the matter with you now? Niles: Nothing, I'm fine. Just suddenly missing my Maris. Daphne puts an arm around his shoulder and comforts him. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO INTERPLAY Scene Five Cafι Nervosa Niles is seated at a corner table. Frasier comes in. Throughout the following scene, Niles never says a word. Frasier: My God, Niles, it's such a glorious day! I walked all the way here. Thirty-two blocks, and Bruno Maglies be damned! [sits down] Oh yes, I see the look, I know exactly what it means too. How could I very well say "no" to Diane? She came to me in crisis. [to a passing waitress] Oh, excuse me, a double cappuccino, please, light cinnamon, thank you very much. [sighs] Oh, you know, the change in Diane has really been quite gratifying. Dropped her off at the theater today, and there was a smile on her face that I haven't seen in... well, far too many years. Oh, I know what you're thinking. Where did she get the money to do the play? Well, she found a backer! [pause] It's tax deductible! [the waitress brings his coffee] Thank you. Oh, why don't you go ahead and say what you're thinking, Niles? That I'm falling for her again. "Well, you did bounce in here as though you were on top of the world, and babbling about her smile" I just don't want to hear it, Niles! I'm simply helping her to get back on her feet and out of my life as quickly as possible. No, I don't know how long it's going to take. Look, I said I don't know! Oh, really, Niles! Curse you, you are the most infuriating busybody! I'm not sitting with you. Frasier gets up and goes to another table. Niles takes a little pad out of his jacket and starts writing. [SCENE_BREAK] FOREPLAY Scene Six Frasier's Apartment That evening, Diane and Frasier are standing next to each other, looking out at the city. Diane: It really is a lovely city. Frasier: "Night making all things dimly beautiful..." Diane: "One veil over us both." Cyrano? Frasier: Yes. Eleven years later, we're still on the same page. Diane: Frasier, these past few weeks, you've given so much of yourself to me. I want to give the one gift I have to bestow. I want you to be the first person to see my play. Will you come to dress rehearsal tonight? Frasier: Diane, I'd be honored? Diane: Oh, wonderful, wonderful! She ducks into the powder room. Martin walks into the living room. Diane: Give me a second. Frasier: Are you sure you're ready for this? Diane: Oh yes, it's time. Tonight, I bare myself to you. Martin ducks behind the pillar. Frasier: Big step, Diane. Diane: Oh well, I have to say I'm a little nervous about it. But, barring any lighting or prop problems, the whole thing will be over in a couple of hours. Martin: [heading to the kitchen] Hello! People still in the house here! Diane: Meet me at the theater at seven... I don't know what I've done to deserve you. They kiss. Diane leaves, and Martin comes back. Frasier: Hey, Dad. Martin: Listen, it's none of my business, but you're not falling for her again, are you? Frasier: What if I were? Martin: That woman dumped you at the altar. Frasier: Oh, that was the old Diane. She no longer sees herself as the center of the universe. And I'm not the old Frasier anymore either. People can change, Dad. Martin: Yeah, I suppose you're right. Take me for instance. The old Martin would have said, "you're out of your mind. I'd rather see you go gay and shack up with the punk who shot me than go off with her. I'd rather see you sewed up inside the body of a dead horse." But the new Martin just says, "Vivee a l'amour." Frasier: The new Frasier resists the temptation to correct your French. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Seven Theater Frasier sits alone in the rows of a small theater. Diane comes out from behind the curtain and speaks to the whole room. Diane: Well, the stage is set, my players are prepared. So, without further ado, I give you "Rhapsody and Requiem," a play by Diane Chambers. Frasier applauds. Diane goes backstage. The curtain opens. On the stage is a nearly-perfect replica of Cheers back in Boston, complete with look-alikes. Frasier's eyes widen. Stan: [Sam look-alike] Boy, it sure is great having Mary Anne back. Just wasn't the same when she was gone. Clark: [Cliff look-alike] Yeah, well, you know, uh, recent studies at John Hopkins University revealed that the expression "absence makes the heart grow fonder," is in actuality rooted in scientific bedrock. Darla: [Carla look-alike] Yeah, so's your head. Stan: Ease up there, Darla. Ned [Norm look-alike] enters. Ned: Evenin', everybody. Stan: Hey there, Ned. What would you say to a beer? Ned: What's a nice beer like you doing in a face like this? Backstage, Diane laughs outrageously at her own joke. For Frasier, this is getting increasingly weird. Then his own look-alike, Dr. Franklin Creane, walks in the door. Franklin: Salutations, all. Stan: Hey there, Doc. What can I get you? Franklin: Ooh, a prickly choice, Stan. It reminds me of the one the 18th-century wit John Wilkes faced when asked by the Earl of Sandwich whether he expected to die on the gallows or of the pox. "That depends, sir," he said, "on whether I choose to embrace your principles or your mistress." Mary Anne [Diane look-alike] enters and takes center stage. Mary Anne: Evening, people. All: Mary Anne! FADE TO: Later. The players are each illuminated by spotlights in turn to give interior lines. Stan: I pour beer down people's throats. Ned: I drink it. Franklin: Our lives are empty. So what draws our feet here night after night? The lights come up, showing the three men at the bar, alone. Stan/Ned/Franklin: Mary Anne. FADE TO: Later. The bar is full. Mary Anne comes out and embraces Stan. Mary Anne: Well, I'm off. See you anon, mi amore. Stan: [kisses her] You bet, honey. Frasier isn't sure how much more of this he can take. Diane: [coming onstage] Hold it, stop! What kind of a kiss was that? You two are supposed to be in love! Stan: Well, I didn't know how big you wanted it. Diane: Remember that kiss you gave me this morning? Stan: Like this one? The actor grabs Diane and kisses her deeply. Frasier stews with jealousy - it's Sam & Diane all over again. Diane: That's the one. OK, from the kiss! [goes offstage] Stan: You bet, honey. They resume the scene. Mary Anne and Stan break apart. Mary Anne: Forgive me, Franklin. I suppose that was a tad inconsiderate. Franklin: Quite all right. A loving spirit like yours can't be bridled. Mary Anne: But I did leave you at the altar. Franklin: No, you know I hold no ill-will toward you for that. Frasier's about to explode. Franklin: [breaking character] Could we just stop for a second? [Diane comes onstage] This whole getting-left-at-the-altar thing, I just don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling. Frasier: I may be able to illuminate that for you! He gets up and storms onstage. He ignores Diane and directs his fury at Mary-Anne. Frasier: What you are feeling is that this woman has reached into your chest, plucked out your heart, and thrown it to her hell- hounds for a chew toy! And it's not the last time either! Because that's what this woman is! She is the Devil! There's no use running away from her, because no matter how far you go, no matter how many years you let pass, you will never be completely out of reach of those bony fingers! So drink hearty, Franklin, and laugh! Because you have made a pact with Beelzebub! And her name is Mary Anne! Frasier storms out of the theater. The rest of the cast members break into applause. Diane stands there, mortified. [SCENE_BREAK] AFTERPLAY Scene Eight Theater Diane is sitting at the bar, alone. She is making energetic notes on her play script, crossing out whole sections at a time. Frasier comes back. Frasier: Diane? Diane: Frasier... Frasier: I thought we should talk. Diane: Well, yes, I think we should. I tried to reach you at your home. Frasier: I was driving around. Diane: [sighs] I'm sorry if I in any way misled you about my feelings these last few weeks. Frasier: You didn't. I think I misled myself. Diane: Well, at the very least I obviously owe you an apology for the first time that things went awry between us. Frasier: Oh, it's all right. Diane: No, it was a time in my life when Frasier: No, Diane, it isn't necessary. The things I said... well, they just needed saying. Besides, I don't really feel all that harshly and in retrospect, I'm reasonably sure that you are not the Devil... although he does have the power to assume pleasing shapes. Diane: Well, you should know I've decided to go back to Los Angeles. Watching the play tonight through fresh eyes, I well, I just don't think it's ready. Frasier: I'm sure things'll work out fine. Well, I think I've said what I came to say. Diane: Frasier, um, before you go, there's one last thing you could help me with, not that you haven't helped me a lot already. It's the last scene, where Franklin and Mary Anne say goodbye. It's never felt quite right to me. I'd like her to stand... oh, right about here [stands in the middle of the stage] and tell him how much he's meant to her and how she'll never forget him. How do you suppose... "Franklin" would respond to that? Frasier: Well, I suppose he'd tell her that he feels the same way. That she's touched him in a way she can never imagine, he's glad she was in his life. Diane: All that would be left would be the "goodbye." How do you see that? Frasier: Well, I suppose he could say, uh, "until we meet again," probably certain that they never would. Diane: But mightn't there be a part of him that hopes they would? Frasier: Oh, I suppose so, yes. All right, then, don't have him sum things up. Just let them say their goodbyes, and if their paths happen to cross again, so be it... Goodbye, Mary Anne. Diane: Goodbye, Franklin. Frasier crosses to the bar door. Diane: Oh yes, that's a perfect moment! Uncluttered by any extra words or phrases Frasier: Diane. Diane: Oh shoot, I've blown it! Frasier: All right, let's try it again. [stands toe-to-toe with her] Goodbye, Diane. Diane: Goodbye, Frasier. They hug. He goes out the bar door. She starts to say something, then he comes back through it. Frasier: Force of habit. Diane: I've been doing it all week. He leaves through the audience rows, waving goodbye. END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Eddie sits on the couch, chewing one of Martin's socks. Martin sees him and pulls the sock away, scolding Eddie. Eddie appears in a spotlight, with a thought bubble saying "I can't help it. It's what I do." Eddie pulls another sock out of the couch cushions. Martin yanks that away too.	Plan: A: Shelley Long; Q: Who played Diane Chambers? A: the studio; Q: Where does Diane Chambers show up one day? A: Frasier; Q: Who is still resentful of Diane for leaving him at the altar? A: dinner; Q: What does Frasier invite Diane to? A: Niles's suggestion; Q: Who suggested that Frasier confront Diane about being left at the altar? A: Cheers; Q: What bar does Diane Chambers' play depict? A: their old friends; Q: Who are the characters in Diane's play? A: boorish and uncivilized ruffians; Q: What did Diane think of her old friends? A: Frasier's character; Q: Who is cold-hearted in his reaction to being left at the altar? Summary: Diane Chambers ( Shelley Long ) shows up at the studio one day, and Frasier (who still resents her for leaving him at the altar) finds out she is in town for a performance of her new play. He invites her to dinner, determined to show her how much he has moved on from her, despite Niles's suggestion that he should confront her about being left at the altar in order to get closure. When Diane arrives, she boasts of her own riches and success only to eventually break down and confess she is not doing as well as she claimed. Feeling sorry for Diane, Frasier agrees to fund her play despite everyone warning him he may be falling for her again. However, when invited to dress rehearsal, he finds that it depicts their old life at Cheers, with the characters representing their old friends being literal representations of how Diane viewed them: boorish and uncivilized ruffians, and that Frasier's character is cold-hearted in his reaction to being left at the altar.
Scene: The cafeteria. Sheldon: Gentlemen, I think I've come up with a fun way to get young people interested in science. Physics Mad-Libs. Now, give me a number. Leonard: Five. Sheldon: Uh-huh. And an irrational constant. Howard: E. Sheldon: And a funny Greek letter. Raj: Gamma. Sheldon: I said funny. Raj: Upsilon? Sheldon: Good one. And an electrical charge. Leonard: Positive. Sheldon: Ha. Perfect. Okay. Get this. Professor Jones told the symposium he had a new method for calculating the mass of a muon. Five times the limit of E to the upsilon as in a (laughs uncontrollably). Okay. No, no. I'll start over. Professor (laughs again) Howard: I haven't seen him laugh that hard since the day Leonard made that multiplication error. Sheldon: Oh, Oh, Lord, that multiplication error! He thought he carried the one. But he didn't. Leonard: It's not funny. That mistake got published. Sheldon: Stop! I'm going to wet myself! Raj: Hey, guys, guys, President Siebert is headed this way. Howard: I wonder what he wants. Leonard: Doesn't look happy, so I'm guessing he wants to talk to Sheldon. Seibert: Dr. Cooper? Leonard: Told ya. Sheldon: Oh, President Siebert, I assume you'd like to respond to one of the suggestions I put in the box by your office. Seibert: No, and stop installing suggestion boxes everywhere. Sheldon: You don't like written suggestions. You don't like when I give them to you while we're urinating in the men's room. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you're one of those stubborn people who are not open to suggestions. Seibert: Dr. Cooper, the physics department chair tells me you're refusing to take your vacation. Sheldon: I don't need a vacation. Seibert: You're obligated to take one. And I'd also like you to know the most-often received suggestion in my suggestion box you installed without asking me is can Dr. Cooper take a vacation? Okay, settled, then. I'll see you all on Monday, except for you. Sheldon: But if I don't come into work, what am I supposed to do with myself? Seibert: Read, rest, travel. I hear Afghanistan is nice this time of year. Sheldon: Sarcasm? Howard: No. You should go. Credits sequence. Scene: Leonard's car. Leonard is singing enthusiastically. Leonard: That tonight's gonna be a good night, and tonight's gonna be a good night, and tonight's gonna be a good, good night! Tonight's the night, uh, uh, let's live it up, uh, I got my money, let's spend it up... Sheldon (appearing in the back seat): Good Lord! Would you stop that caterwauling! Leonard: What the hell are you doing? Sheldon: Bleeding from my ears. Leonard: What are you doing hiding back there? Sheldon: I'm sneaking into work. Now, if the guard at the university asks what's under the blanket, you tell him it's some lobster traps. Leonard: Lobster traps? Sheldon: Yes. That's how Velma and Scooby smuggled Shaggy into the old lighthouse. Leonard: What are you going to do when you get to the university? People are going to recognize you. Sheldon: Will they, Leonard? (Puts on cap and long-hair wig) Leonard: Fine. Just get back under your blanket, and I'll drive you there. Sheldon: And no more singing. Leonard: Fine. Sheldon: I have GPS on my phone. I know you turned around. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: I'm so glad you talked Howard out of having your wedding invitations in Klingon. Bernadette: Turn it over. I'm hoping my relatives think it's Hebrew. Amy: This is really happening. I'm gonna be a maid of honour. I'm gonna wear a beautiful dress and walk down that aisle and, finally, I will have my special day. Bernadette: You mean my special day? Amy: They're gonna need an extra-large veil for somebody's head. Bernadette: If I ever actually ever get married. Penny: Why wouldn't you? Bernadette: My dad. Because I make a lot more money than Howie, he's putting a lot of pressure on me to get a pre-nup. Penny: Ouch. Bernadette: Yeah. Howie's gonna freak out. Amy: Parental pressure can be daunting. I remember the battle with my mother about shaving my legs. Last year, I finally gave in and let her do it. Bernadette: I just don't know how I'm gonna break it to him. Penny: You know, I'm a big believer in breaking bad news to a guy when you're in bed with him. That's how I told my high school boyfriend I slept with his brother. That's how I told his brother the same thing. Bernadette: I don't know, I don't want to manipulate him with sx. Penny: Oh, sweetie, that's what sx is for. Amy: You know, the connection between marriage and money is nothing new. In fact, the term wed referred to the money and livestock that the groom paid the bride's father. For example, you're adorable, intelligent and a good earner. I could conservatively see you going for at least two oxen and a goose. (To Penny) You would fetch a unicorn. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Sheldon, there are a million great vacations you could take. What about Hawaii? Sheldon: Hawaii is a former leper colony on top of an active volcano where the disappointing ending to Lost was filmed. Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii. Howard: How about Florida? They've got Cape Canaveral, they've got Disney, they've got my Aunt Ida and the world's largest collection of diabetic candy. Plus, if you get sweaty enough, her plastic-covered furniture is like a flume ride. Sheldon: My family took a trip to Florida when I was a child. A seagull stole a hot dog from me on the beach. I got the message. Raj: You know, if I had a week off, I'd go back to the Two Bunch Palms Resort and Spa in the desert. I tell you, an hour on the massage table with Trevor, and you'll feel like you were born without bones. Howard: I don't think I could ever let a guy give me a massage. Raj: Really? What was I doing to your neck last night while you were playing X-Box? Sheldon: It's like I'm living in a dictatorship. You must take a vacation, you must have fun, you must enjoy life. Howard: I don't think you have a good handle on dictatorships. Leonard: Sheldon, everybody takes vacations. Sheldon: One time they tried to make Richard Feynman take a vacation, but he chose instead to expand his mind and learn something new. He went to work in his friend's biology lab. Richard Feynman was a famous American physicist, part of the Manhattan Project. Howard: Everyone in the world of science knows who Richard Feynman was. Sheldon: Now you do, too. Oh! I have a brilliant idea. Amy's a biologist. I'll go work in her lab. Howard: Isn't that just Feynman's idea? Sheldon: Ten seconds ago, you never heard of him. Now you're an expert. Scene: The hallway. Leonard: Hey. Penny: Hey, you. Leonard: Is that your laundry? You only have, like, six things in there. Penny: Yeah, I didn't have any quarters, so I've been sneaking stuff into other people's loads all day. Hey, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anybody? Leonard: It doesn't matter what I say, you're gonna tell me anyway. Penny: What? That is not true. Bernadette wants a pre-nup. Leonard: Wow. That's rough. Penny: So you're saying if I became a famous movie star, we got married, you wouldn't sign a pre-nup? Leonard: Absolutely not. If I'm gonna be stuck at home with the kids while you're on location cheating on me with Ryan Gosling, then Leonard gots to get paid. So, you think about us getting married? Penny: I think about a lot of things. I think about us getting married, I think about us breaking up. Once in a while, I think about how I didn't leave a note on that Mercedes I dinged in the parking lot last month, but then I have a glass of wine and it passes. Leonard: Joke all you want, but you think about it. Penny: Well, tell you one thing, if I ever do get married, no Klingon invitations. Leonard: Good luck catching a man with that attitude. Scene: Amy's laboratory. Sheldon: Boy, oh, boy. This vacation is off to a wonderful start. The smell of formaldehyde, the whir of the centrifuge, the distant chatter of lab animals being dispatched for dissection. Mm, I can already feel my cares just melting away. Amy: I'm excited to work with my boyfriend. It's gonna be romantic. Sheldon: Way to kill the mood. Amy: Come on, Sheldon. We can be like Marie Curie and her husband, Pierre, who spent their days working side by side, bathed in the glow of their love and the radium that ultimately killed her. Screw Beauty and the Beast, that's the love story Disney should tell. Sheldon: Okay, what do we start with? Maybe splicing some genes, clone a sheep, perhaps grow a human ear on a mouse's back? Ha-ha, I'm a freak! Amy: Oh, I'm gonna be doing some brain stem histology while you put yourself on the business end of a sponge and wash those beakers. Sheldon: Wash those bea... Oh, I get it, a little hazing for the new fella. Yeah, I'd better keep and eye out for, what, shoe polish on the microscope, or mad cow disease in my grilled cheese sandwich? Amy: No, I just need those beakers washed. Hippity-hop, quick like a bunny. Sheldon: What? Excuse me, you have Dr. Sheldon Cooper in your lab. You're gonna make him do the dishes? That's like asking the Incredible Hulk to open a pickle jar. Amy: Sheldon, you've never worked in a lab like this before. You have no experience in the field of biology. Sheldon: I have plenty of experience in biology. I bought a Tamagotchi in 1998. And it's still alive. Let's do this. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The cafeteria. Leonard: Where's Howard? Raj: No hi, Raj? No how are you, Raj? Just straight to where's the other white guy? Leonard: I'm sorry. So, listen, I heard something about him. Can you keep it between us? Raj: Ooh, gossip. When I first got here, I thought you Americans really gossiped around the water cooler. So I hung out there for, like, a month, but the only gossip I ever heard was about some creepy guy hanging out by the water cooler. Leonard: Bernadette wants to get a pre-nup. Raj: Oh, that's a shame, he's gonna be devastated. Leonard: I never know what to do in these situations. Should I give him a heads-up? Raj: Hmm. I'm gonna give you the same advice I yell at the TV when the Bachelor's handing out roses. Follow your heart. Howard: Check it out. Look at the size of that Rice Krispie Treat. Same price. Leonard: Hey, Howard, I need to tell you something. Howard: I know, it's not on my wedding diet. I don't care. Leonard: Uh, listen, I heard that Bernadette's thinking about asking you for a pre-nup. Howard: A pre-nup? Wow. Leonard: What are you gonna do? Howard: I don't know. Raj: Follow your heart. Howard: You know what, it's not a big deal. She makes more money than me. She wants to protect her financial interests. It's completely reasonable. Leonard; Good. That's a healthy attitude. Howard: Yeah, actually, it's good for both of us. I have assets to protect, too. Raj: Like what? Howard: I've got some rare comic books. The Vespa's almost paid off. And Ma and I have a primo double cemetery plot at Mt. Sinai right near the guy who played Mr. Roper on Three's Company. Raj: Mr. Roper's dead? You can't just spring that on a guy. Scene: Amy's laboratory. Sheldon: Here you go. This is now the only lab with glassware washed by a man with two doctorates and a restraining order signed by Carl Sagan. Amy: Soap spots. Wash 'em again. Sheldon: Y-you're being ridiculous. Those are perfectly clean. Amy: Sheldon, this beaker used to contain cerebral spinal fluid from an elephant that died of syphilis. If it's, in fact, perfectly clean, drink from it. Sheldon: Biologists are mean. Later. Amy: All right, perhaps this task will be a little bit more up your alley. I need you to count the bacteria spores on these petri dishes. Sheldon: There was something wrong with that detergent. That was way too bubbly. Amy: I'm sure it was. Sheldon: I intend to write that soap company a strongly worded letter. Amy: Yeah, good for you. Now, start counting. Sheldon: You know what this place needs? A suggestion box. Later. Sheldon: 366... 367... Amy: How's it going? Sheldon: How's counting going? When I was in kindergarten, I recited pi to a thousand places for the school talent show. I think I got this. Amy: Great. Sheldon: Aw, nuts! One... Later. Sheldon: This is preposterous. I think you're giving me these tasks because you're afraid if you give me anything meaningful to do, I'll show you up. Amy: Really? Is that what you think? Sheldon: Yes, that's what I think. And I'm super smart, so it's probably true. Amy: Hey, I've been training in the field of neurobiology for 12 years. You've been here for three hours, and you've spent one of them in the bathroom. Sheldon: I'm sorry. It takes me a while to get things going on an unfamiliar toilet. Amy: Sheldon, I've given you the simplest things to do, and you haven't done one of them right. Sheldon: Maybe that's because I'm not being challenged. It's the same reason Einstein failed math. Amy: Maybe the math was too bubbly for him. Sheldon: You think you're doing science by cutting up that brain? They could do the same thing at any Quiznos. And they'd offer to toast it for me, too. Amy: Okay, smart guy. I'm about to remove the locus coeruleus, which is incredibly delicate work. Have at it. Sheldon: All right. I'm no stranger to a little gray matter. Locus coeruleus. Locus coeruleus. Amy: You're getting warmer, it is, indeed, in the brain. Hope your hands are steady. It's the width of a single hair. But this is just biology, so I'm sure it's no problem for a genius like you. Sheldon: It's not. I'll have you know, in the field of physics, we work with particles so small, they make fat jokes about the locus coeruleus, i.e., when your locus coeruleus sits around the house, it sits around the house. Amy: Oh, are we nervous, Dr. Cooper? Sheldon: No. What you see is a man trembling with confidence. Does a locus coeruleus normally bleed that much? Amy: No. But your thumb does. Sheldon: Oh, dear. (Faints) Amy: Yeah, you're a biologist. Scene: The bar at the Cheesecake Factory. Howard: What are you doing here? Sheldon: I'm on vacation. Social convention dictates that I let my hair down at a local watering hole. Social convention is stupid. Howard: What happened to your thumb? Sheldon: You know, I have ten fingers and ten toes. If I tell you a story about each one of them, we'll be here all day, let's just move on. Barman: What can I get you? Sheldon: Ah, seeing as I'm on vacation, a pina colada seems appropriate. Extra pineapple slices, extra whipped cream, extra cherries, extra umbrellas, and, uh, hold the rum. Don't let me have too many of those. Penny: Hey, what are you guys doing here? Howard: We're grown men, we drink at bars. Penny: No and no. Everything okay with you and Bernadette? Howard: Oh, yeah, sure. Penny: You and Amy? Good? Sheldon: Oh, better than good. Penny: You know those girls text me every detail of their lives as it happens. Howard: I'm not signing a pre-nup. Penny: All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up. You sign anything she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man alive. If you let her go, there is no way you can find anyone else. Speaking on behalf of all women, it is not gonna happen, we had a meeting. And you, a grown man fainting at the sight of a little blood. Sheldon: Excuse me, this is a fairly substantial wound. (Removes plaster. Faints again) Scene: Amy's laboratory. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Amy? (Knock, knock, knock) Amy? (Knock, knock, knock) Amy? Amy: What do you want? Sheldon: I was kind of hoping I could continue vacationing in your laboratory. After all, I did book the whole week. Amy: Do you honestly think you can just waltz back in here after the way you behaved yesterday? Sheldon: I was not myself. I had lost a lot of thumb blood. Amy: That's not an apology. Sheldon: That is your opinion. Amy: I want a real apology. Sheldon: I'm sorry that you weren't able to... Amy: No. Sheldon: That my genius... Amy: No. Sheldon: That the soap was... Amy: Sheldon. Sheldon: Fine. Sorry. Amy: You're forgiven. Now, if you want to stay, get started on those beakers. They're still dirty from yesterday. Sheldon: Next year I'm going to Epcot. Scene: Bernadette's car. Bernadette: Are you mad at me? Howard: No. I'm not mad at you. I just wish you would have come to me, so I didn't have to hear it through the nerd-vine. Bernadette: So, what are we gonna do? Howard: You really want me to sign a pre-nup? Bernadette: I don't know. My dad's pretty insistent on it, though. Howard: Why don't I talk to your dad, man-to-man? Bernadette: Really? Oh, that'd be so great. Howard: Done. Bernadette: I should probably give you a heads-up about a couple of things. Even though he's retired from the police force, he still carries his gun. But don't worry, he won't shoot it. It's more of a fashion statement. Howard: Okay. Bernadette: And just to be safe, when you talk to him, don't bring up Jimmy Carter, gardeners, foreign people, homosexuals, Sean Penn, Vatican II, gun control, organic food, the designated hitter rule, recycling or the fact that you're Jewish. Howard: Got it, got it. Will you e-mail me that list? Bernadette: So the thing to watch for, if he's shouting at you, you're okay, but if he starts to get real quiet, leave as quickly as you can without making eye contact. Not in a straight line, throw some zigs and zigs in there. Howard: You know, this isn't that pressing. Why don't I talk to him about it in May. Bernadette: In May you're gonna be on the International Space Station. Howard: They've got a phone.	Plan: A: a vacation; Q: What was Sheldon forced to take by President Siebert? A: Amy; Q: Who does Sheldon spend his vacation working with? A: her neurobiology lab; Q: Where does Amy work? A: even basic work; Q: What does Sheldon refuse to do for Amy? A: cleaning beakers; Q: What does Amy give Sheldon to do the next day? A: bacterial spores; Q: What does Amy have to count? A: his thumb; Q: What does Sheldon accidentally cut while performing brain dissection? A: faints; Q: What happens to Sheldon after he cuts his thumb? A: Bernadette; Q: Who tells Howard that her father wants him to sign a prenup? A: Howard; Q: Who is unwilling to sign a prenuptial agreement? A: Later Penny; Q: Who confronts Sheldon and Howard at the Cheesecake Factory bar? A: their girlfriends; Q: Who does Penny confront Sheldon and Howard for their behavior towards? A: his behavior; Q: What does Sheldon apologize for to Amy for the previous day? A: a far right ideologue; Q: What is Bernadette's father's political affiliation? A: Jews; Q: What does Bernadette's father hate? A: the talk; Q: What does Howard put off until he is in the space? Summary: After being forced to take a vacation by President Siebert, Sheldon decides to spend it working with Amy in her neurobiology lab. However he refuses to do even basic work for Amy properly, such as cleaning beakers or counting bacterial spores, and instead forces her to allow him to do brain dissection. When Amy eventually allows Sheldon to perform brain dissection, he cuts his thumb accidentally and faints after seeing it bleed. Meanwhile, Bernadette's father wants Howard to sign a prenuptial agreement. Howard, unwilling to sign any prenup, is upset that Bernadette did not tell him directly about the prenup. Later Penny confronts both Sheldon and Howard at the Cheesecake Factory bar for their behavior towards their girlfriends. The next day, Sheldon goes over to Amy's lab again to apologize for his behavior the previous day. She then invites him to work with her again, but gives him the same basic work of cleaning beakers. Meanwhile, Bernadette tells Howard that her father is insistent on him signing the prenup, at which Howard says that he would talk it out with her father. But when Bernadette reveals that her father is a far right ideologue who hates Jews, Howard decides to put off the talk until he is in the space.
"The White Room" 21st Episode of Roswell Production Code: 1ADA20 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode begins where Max to the Max left off. Max is in an all white room with no windows and no doors. He hears a voice over the PA.) Pierce: Good morning, Max. Max: Where am I? Pierce: Someplace where no one can find you. Max: Why am I here? Pierce: That's what I want to try to find out. Max: You've made a mistake. Pierce: I don't think so. I know what you are, and now, you're going to tell me everything. Max: I'm Max Evans. I live at sixty-twenty-five Murray Lane. You can call my parents. Pierce: We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. What is the name of your home planet? Max: Earth. Pierce: All right. Hard way. (A group of technicians run in and tie Max to a table.) Max: I'm Max Evans. Why are you doing this to me? Why?! Why? Wha...? (Credits.) (In the kitchen of the Crashdown.) Michael: We should have never split up. I mean I never should have left him alone. Isabel: What are they doing to him? What if he's already dead? Liz: No, no, Isabel you can't even talk like that because, you know, Max is too smart to let something like that happen. Tess: Pierce won't kill him. He wants to study him Michael: How the hell do you know? (Liz runs to the front of the restaurant as Maria and Alex come inside.) Maria: Oh my god, Liz. We were so worried... Liz: You guys, they took Max. Alex: Who? Who did? Liz: Pierce, you know the FBI Special Unit. They took him. (Alex embraces Isabel, and Maria goes to Michael.) Liz: Where's Nasedo? Tess: I don't know. Michael: He's supposed to be at our side. Where is he? Tess: I told you, I don't know. He's never left me alone like this before. Isabel: Then it's up to us. We have to find Max. Alex: Wha... what makes you think we can go up against alien hunters and win? Michael: What the hell choice do we have? Let him be a pincushion for Pierce? Let him die? Alex: No. Liz: We have to go to Valenti. Michael: What, and tell him everything? Isabel: Max was willing to do it to save Liz. Maybe now is the time to trust him. Tess: What makes you think that Valenti is better equipped than we are? Maria: He's the law. He's got resources. Tess: So do we. Stronger ones. Look, I know what can do. What about the two of you? Michael: What do you mean? Tess: Your powers, Michael. Your gifts. You do have them, don't you? Michael: We're not too advanced. Isabel: We can do easy things, like change simple molecular structure, but we don't use them very often. What about you? Tess: Being around Nasedo has taught me quite a few things. Alex: Wait, what about that dream thing that you can do? Tess: What dream thing? Isabel: Sometimes I can go into people's heads when they're sleeping. Tess: And you can all do that? Michael: No, just Isabel. Tess: And you can communicate with him? Isabel: Subconsciously. I've only done it a few times though. Liz: Look, if you do it to Max, maybe he can tell you where he is. Isabel: I've never done it to anyone who was awake before. I don't know if I can get in. (In the White room, Max wakes strapped to a table.) Pierce: (As he strips off his clean room gear.) You and I don't need procedure, now do we, Max? (Max remembers where he's seen Pierce before.) Pierce as Deputy Fisher: Where are you going in such a hurry? Max: Nowhere, officer. (In the present.) Max: You're the deputy? Pierce: You have your tricks, I have mine. Max: Who do you think I am? Pierce: That's what we've been trying to find out at the lab. You know, there's something very strange about your X-rays... something that doesn't make sense. They're completely human: your bone structure, your organs, circulatory and pulmonary systems. Everything human. But. Here's where things get really strange. These are your blood cells. Completely not human. Still want me to call your parents? I told you Max; I know what you are, so now you're going to start answering my questions. Delta, Colorado, 1962, Agent Lewis, the first head of this Special Unit was found dead. His internal organs had reached a temperature of 180 degrees Fahrenheit. A silver handprint was found on his chest. What do you know about that? Max: Nothing. Pierce: Union City, Tennessee, 1967 Agent del Bianco, his replacement. Ring a bell? Max: No. Pierce: All right. How about this: May second, 1999, Agent Daniel Summers, the man who brought me into this unit, the man whose job I now have, did you kill him, too? Or was it one of the others? Max: What others? Pierce: You know, I might not have been around in 1947, but I know all about the crash. About the four aliens they captured: two dead, two alive. I've spent my entire career studying the documentation. Especially the three years of observation they made on the one held in captivity, right here in this room. Max: I thought you said there were four. Pierce: One of them escaped. Nasedo. Isn't that what you call him? (He brings out an orb.) Where's the other one? What happens when you put them together? Max: I don't know. (The technicians come back in. They drug Max.) Pierce: Shhh. Shhh. (In Liz's room. Everyone is one the balcony except Alex and Isabel who are on the bed.) Alex: I remember when uhh, Michael almost died in here. He went somewhere in his... in his mind and he... he barely made it out. Isabel: I have to do this. Alex: Then I'm going to stay with you. Umm, if I'm holding on to you, maybe you won't get lost. Isabel: 'K. (They lay down. She is touching a picture of Max.) Let me in, Max, Let me in. (She is in the White room. The room is spinning from the drugs, and she is disoriented.) Max. Max? Oh god. Max, stop this. Stop this and help me. Max: I can't. They gave me something. Isabel: Ok. Ok. Ok. Max, look at me. Look only at me, look only at me. Where are you? Tell me where you are. Max: I don't know. Isabel: Help me, Max, how did you get here? Think harder. Max: I don't know. Isabel: Think harder. (She sees him being wheeled down a long corridor with an eagle emblem on the floor through a security door.) Who brought you here? (She sees Deputy Fisher.) Valenti's deputy? Max... Max: Look again. Isabel: Deputy Fisher is Agent Pierce? Max: You have to go now. Isabel: No. No, I'm not leaving you. Max: You have to. Isabel: No. Why? No, no, stop, please. I'm not leaving you, I'm not... (She wakes up from her dream walk.) MAX! MAX! Oh god! Oh my God! (Everyone runs in from the balcony.) Michael: What happened? What happened? Isabel: Michael, he's so scared. He's so scared. Michael: Ok, Isabel, you've got to calm down. All right? You got to tell me what you saw. We got to help him. Isabel: Oh god. That deputy... the deputy that stopped us last night, he's Pierce. He's Pierce. Alex: Are you sure? Isabel: He told me. And he's drugging him. He's hurting him. Liz: Where is he? Where... where is... Isabel: I don't know. I don't know where he is. Tess: Think hard. He must have given you something. Think. Isabel: Ok, he did. He did. I think I know where I've seen it before. (At the UFO Convention Center.) Maria: Eagle Rock Military Base. This is where they were said to have secretly taken the aliens after the crash. Isabel: This is it. This is what Max showed me. This is the symbol on the hall floor on the base. Maria: It says that it's been abandoned for years. Isabel: That's where he is. Liz: Look; now we have no choice, ok, we have to go to Valenti. Michael: What are you crazy? After we just found out about Deputy Fisher? Valenti's probably in on the whole thing. Liz: We can't go to a place like that on our own. Michael: No, you can't, but we can. Isabel, Tess and I can protect ourselves. Maria: With what? Your gifts? Michael: Why not? Maria: Because you don't know who to use them, that's why not. You could get killed, or worse. Liz: And you guys aren't going there without me. Tess: No. Look, you want the truth? You're liabilities, all three of you. We've got a better chance of saving Max without you, and that's what this is all about, right? Liz: Bring him back to me. Michael: I will. Tess: We'd better hurry. Maria: You come back to me. (The three aliens leave together.) (They break into the military base, and sneak around the deserted corridors. They find the security door.) Isabel: I saw that. Max remembered it. Tess: He's in there. Michael: How do we get in? (An agent walks by.) Tess: In here or they'll see us. Wait, they always patrol in intervals. Isabel: How did you know that? Nasedo? Tess: When you've been hunted all your life, it gets easier to catch on. (In the White room.) Pierce: Tell me about the crash, Max. What about the orb? The communicator. Wake him up. Wake him up. Tell me. Don't make me kill you. Max, tell me where it is. More! I am going to find out one way or another. See, this is getting us nowhere. I want everything flushed out of his system now. I want him completely coherent for the next phase. (At the Crashdown.) Maria: I'm sure they've found him by now. Alex: They're probably on their way back. Liz: Yeah, I wish I could believe that one. (Valenti sits down.) Sheriff: I've been up all night trying to figure out what happened at that carnival. I mean, I know what I saw. Mirrors or no mirrors, there were two Max Evans standing right in front of me. And now one of them is in the hands of Agent Pierce and the Special Unit, and I'm just hoping that it wasn't the one that we all care about. Liz, tell me. Let me help. Liz: We don't know any more than you do, Sheriff. Sorry. Sheriff: Well, if Pierce has reached the same conclusion that I have, Max is going to need a lot more help than any of you can give him. (He leaves.) Liz: You guys, what if he's right? I would never forgive myself if something actually happened to them that maybe we could have, like, prevented. I... Maria: Ok, listen; let's give them until four o'clock, all right? If they're not back by then... Liz: Right. Ok. Four o'clock. Maria: He's going to be fine. Liz: Yeah. (Scene after scene where Max is being tortured with drugs, ice baths, isolation, electro-shock therapy, etc.) (Somewhere on the base.) Isabel: Oh god, he won't let me in. I just keep seeing some blinding light. That's not good. He's in some kind of trauma. Michael: If you can get through the damn electric fence, why can't you short circuit the security system? Tess: I told you, because they're watching. The minute they see us, it's all over. Isabel: So what are we supposed to do, just wait and let them kill him? Michael: I'm going to take this thing down myself. (He steps out of their hiding spot to see two guys wheeling a gurney with a dead body down the hall.) Isabel: It's him. Tess: We don't know that. I would have felt it if something happened to him. Michael: Only one way to find out. (They sneak down the hall after the body.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Crashdown, it's 4:08.) Liz: I'm not waiting any more. I'm going to do what Max would do for me. Maria: Wait a minute. Are you sure it's our responsibility to tell Valenti everything? Liz: It's our responsibility to keep them alive. You know, Max was ready to trust him, that's all I need to know. Alex: What are you going to say? Liz: Whatever I have to; to get him to help. (In the Morgue at the base, the aliens pull back the sheet to reveal the agent that Nasedo killed and dumped on the side of the road yesterday, in Max to the Max.) Isabel: Oh my god. Michael, look. Tess: What is that? Michael: Nasedo. Isabel: That's how he kills. Tess: I swear to you, I've never... (Nasedo disguised as an agent walks in.) Nasedo: Hey. You shouldn't be here. What are you doing here? (Michael tries to use his powers to protect them, but Nasedo easily overcomes Michael's powers with his own, and sends Michael flying backwards.) Tess: It's you. (Nasedo shape-shifts into Mr. Harding.) Don't ever leave me alone like that again. Nasedo: I have four of you to watch now. Michael: I've been looking for you for a long time. Nasedo: Not as long as I've been looking for you. Now you're about to get yourselves killed. Isabel: We're here for Max. Nasedo: This isn't the local sheriff you're dealing with. You should have known better. None of you are equipped to be here. I've got to get you out of here. (He shape-shifts back into an agent.) (They leave the Morgue, but almost run into the agent he is impersonating.) (In Sheriff Valenti's office.) Sheriff: Liz Parker. Liz: You're right Sheriff. I need your help. We all do. Your new deputy, Fisher; he isn't a deputy, Sheriff, and his name is not Fisher. It's Pierce - from the FBI Special Unit. He's the one who has Max. Sheriff: How do you know that? Liz: I can't tell you, Sheriff, but Max is in a lot of trouble. I think that they all are. Sheriff, please. Will you trust me? I can tell you where he is. (Somewhere on the base. Nasedo is back in the guise of Mr. Harding.) Isabel: I don't think we belong with him. Michael: He's Nasedo, what choice do we have? Isabel: We could go back up there ourselves. Michael: Four is stronger than two. We need them. Isabel: He could be working for Pierce. You know, we don't know anything for sure. Nasedo: The most important part of the plan is timing. Set your watches: 5:47. This is your escape route: scan it. Michael: Scan it? Nasedo: Into your brain. You can't? All right, you have two minutes to memorize it. I know this place intimately. I've already escaped it once. Now, if I'm going to save Max, I need help. We need to get through the security door. Isabel: I could do that. I've gotten through doors before. Nasedo: That isn't some deadbolt up there. That door is made up of depleted Uranium; a metal composed of heavy atoms, which we can't manipulate. Isabel: We can't. Nasedo: You have many limitations. Michael: They know about them? Nasedo: They know more about you than you do. They've been studying us for fifty years. The only way to gain entry is to get through the security scanner. Isabel: Well, how do we do that? Nasedo: I can shape-shift into any of these agents: take their form, even their fingerprints. That's why they added the X-ray scanner. My bone structure is far from human. I can change my appearance, but not what's on the inside. Your bone structure, on the other hand, is one hundred percent human. Michael: So you're different from me? Nasedo: Biology lessons later. Come on. If I'm going to get through that door, I'm going to need one of you with me, and since the only female agent at the Special Unit is now dead, it's you and me, Michael. Michael: I can't get through the scanner, either. I can't change my fingerprints. Nasedo: Yes you can, you just don't know you can. I'll teach you. I just hope for Max's sake that you're a quick study. I'm going to need both of you, too. (In the White room. Max wakes up unrestrained and semi-coherent. He attacks Pierce.) Pierce: Don't even try. Don't even try to use your abilities, Max. The serum we injected you with - very effective in suppressing the neurotransmitters in your cerebral cortex. Experiments on the alien in the forties taught us that that's where most of your powers come from. Come on, sit down. It's all right. That's not your real weakness, though, is it? You know, I've been going about this the wrong way the whole time. It's not that you're part alien: it's that you're part human. (Max is suddenly restrained in the chair, and Pierce puts a VR visor on Max's head.) You have feelings. (An image of Michael is projected on the visor.) Emotions. (Max sees Isabel.) Friendship. (Maria and Alex appear.) Love. (Liz is last. An image of Liz dead with blood on her face is projected.) Max: No! NO! Pierce: Trick photography, Max. Max: NO! No! Pierce: Max, Max! Computer rigged. Virtual reality, Max. It's not real. It's not real. We didn't kill her. We didn't kill her. I just wanted to show you what can happen. What will happen. Max: You're evil. Pierce: I'm evil? I'm risking my life to save my country, my planet from being colonized by alien life - by you. Tell me where the other one is. Max: The other what? Pierce: We found this in the crash. We have spent fifty years looking for the other one, and we know you have it. It took a little persuading, but Topolsky told us. Tell me where it is. Tell me. Ok. I'm going to give you a choice, Max. You can either tell me where the other orb is, or you can tell me which one of your friends you want me to kill first. Hmm? And you have ten seconds. Maybe I'll start with Liz. Max: Ok, stop it! Stop! I'll tell you where it is, just don't hurt Liz. Pierce: Huh. You do have feelings. Just like us. Whatever you are, you better tell me the truth for Liz's sake. (Back at the Morgue.) Nasedo: Humans are weak - which doesn't bother me - and wasteful. Their brains are incredible machines they haven't even begun to use. When you were engineered, you were given the capacity to do everything the human brain is capable of. Michael: You mean beside our powers? Nasedo: Those are your powers, Michael. Everything you can do is human. You were just programmed to be several thousand years ahead of mankind, that's all. But from what I saw earlier, you've barely tapped into what you're capable of. You can do it, Michael. The only thing stopping you is yourself. (Michael tries to transfer the dead body's fingerprint onto his own finger.) Try again. (Somewhere on the base.) Tess: It's going to be ok. Nasedo knows what to do. Isabel: Thank you. Tess: We've been in trouble before. We can deal with this. Isabel: That's not what I mean. Thank you for helping us find Max. Tess: We haven't got him yet. Isabel: So, I don't understand. I'm going to dream walk to give him the plan, but what are you going to do? (An agent suddenly appears, and carries Tess away. Isabel goes to follow, when suddenly it's over, and Tess is beside her.) Tess: It's ok. It's ok. Isabel: Oh my god, what just happened? Tess: I made you think something was happening right in front of you when it really wasn't. Isabel: That's what you did to Max, isn't it? That's why he had all those thought about you. Tess: I can only keep it going for a little while. After you get Max to clear the room, I'm going to go into Pierce's head, distract him. Hopefully I can keep it going long enough so that Michael and Nasedo can get Max out of there. (Back at the Morgue.) Michael: Damn it, I can't do this! Nasedo: Yes you can. The only one stopping you is you. Michael: Will you quit saying that? That is not helping me. Nasedo: Are you just going to let Max die? Michael: I am trying my best. Nasedo: That is not your best, Michael; it is not your best. Michael: Well, give me a pointer, huh? Give me a hint. Give me something. Nasedo: It's inside you. Your program. Michael: Hey, I didn't get the manual, ok? All this time I've been alone. Where have you been? Where the hell have you been? Huh? Why'd you let this happen to us? To me? Nasedo: Emotions are a weakness, Michael. Focus. You've got until this guy gets to the door, then I'm using his hand, and you know how I'm going to get it. We are running out of time here. Michael: I did it. I did it. I think I did it. (An agent enters the Morgue, Nasedo appears behind him.) Nasedo: Agent. Agent: Who the hell are you, and what are you... (Nasedo kills him.) Michael: No! I said I did it. Nasedo: I heard you. I told you you could. Michael: You killed him. Why'd you do that? Nasedo: I can't take a chance like what happened in the hallway before. There can't be two of me. Michael: How can you do this? How can you kill all these people? You don't care, do you? Nasedo: Michael, if you want to survive, if you want to get back home, you've got to be willing to fight for that. You understand? Michael: You're not who I thought you'd be. Nasedo: Neither are you. It's show time. (Michael, suddenly clad in a suit, combs his hair while Nasedo shape-shifts into the newly killed agent.) (In the White room.) Pierce: You finally told me the truth about where you hid it. Now make them work. Max: I can't. Pierce: Do it! Max: I'm telling you the truth now, too. Pierce: Make them work. Make the orbs work. Max: I don't know how. Pierce: Let's begin. (A group of technicians enter the room with surgical equipment.) I can take you apart piece by piece, and make sure that you stay conscious enough to feel every second of it. Max: I can't tell you what I don't know. I can't tell you what I don't know. Pierce: Bring in the surgeons. (At the security scanner. Michael is able to get through.) Agent: Matheson. Nasedo: Afternoon, Agent. Agent: Fields. You're the new agent, aren't you? Michael: Yeah, good to meet you. Agent: You picked a hell of a time to show up. Welcome to the Unit. Michael: Thank you. (A group of surgeons exit a door and head down the hallway. Michael starts after them.) Nasedo: Where are you going? Michael: Max is in there. We got to go get him. Nasedo: It won't help Max if you get yourself killed. We have to do this the right way. Two minutes. (Somewhere on the base.) Isabel: Ok, I'm going to do it. Tess: Two minutes. Isabel: What if it takes me longer to get into his head than it did last time? Tess: We have to stick to the plan. Everything has to be done like Nasedo said to the second. Isabel: Ok, ok. (In the White room.) Pierce: (Pointing to a guy with a scalpel.) This man will hurt you. (Pointing to a guy with a large green syringe.) This man will help you. Tell me what I need to know, and he will take the pain away. Max: Who's inhuman now? Pierce: Open him up. (Isabel dream walks into the room.) Isabel: Max. Max, Max. There's no time. You have to listen to me. Michael and Nasedo are coming to rescue you. Ok, Max? Max, do you hear me? Please, Max, please. You have to listen to me. Max: He wants me to make the orbs work. Isabel: Ok. Tell him anything. Get him alone. Get Pierce alone in this room. Tell him anything. (The dream walk ends just as the surgeon is making the first incision.) Max: Stop! Pierce: Stop. Max: I'll show you how they work, but only you. Pierce: Clear the room. (Somewhere on the base.) Tess: Did it work? Isabel: Yes. Pierce wants Max to show him how to work the orbs. Tess: I don't know how they work. Isabel: Well, you've got to do something, and do it now. (In the White room.) Pierce: Make them work. Max: It takes a little time. Pierce: I'm bringing them back. Max: No, just wait. Pierce: You had your chance, Max. (Pierce sees the orbs begin to glow green.) (On the other side of the observation glass.) Nasedo: Timing is everything. (He breaks the glass.) Michael: It's Nasedo, Maxwell, don't worry. (He puts the orbs in his pockets.) Are you all right? Max: I am now. Michael: All right. Let's go. (He has to all but carry Max.) Whoa. Nasedo: Get out of here. You know the escape route. Michael: What are you doing, come on. Nasedo: I have something to take care of. Michael: No! You are not leaving me again. Let's go! Nasedo: There are only seconds left. Go! (Michael leaves just as Pierce comes out of his trance.) Are you all right, sir? You were in here a long time. We thought we'd come check. Pierce: Where's the prisoner? (In the Morgue, two agents find the new dead body.) (In the hallway outside the White room.) Agent: Fields?! What are you doing? Michael: Pierce's orders. I got to get the prisoner out of here. They need help inside. Go. Now! (All agents run into observation room.) (In the White room.) Nasedo: Are you all right, sir? Agent: Sir, stand back. He is not Matheson. (They shoot Nasedo.) Pierce: NO! Go, lock it down. (At the security gate, the door begins to open, but then alarms go off, and it begins to close. Michael is waiting for Nasedo, as Pierce comes running around the corner with his gun drawn. Sheriff Valenti suddenly appears.) Sheriff: Come on, come on. Come ON! (He shoots Pierce in the shoulder as they make their escape.) (With the alarm sounding, Pierce is unable to gain access through the security gate.) (End of Episode.)	Plan: A: Tess's book; Q: What suggests that Tess and Max are predetermined mates? A: Isabel; Q: Who thinks she might be pregnant with Michael's baby? A: Nasedo; Q: Who disguises himself as Max? A: kidnaps; Q: What does Nasedo do to Liz? A: FBI agent Pierce; Q: Who is Nasedo trying to trap? Summary: Tess's book suggests that she and Max are predetermined mates, as are Michael and Isabel, who thinks she might be pregnant -- with Michael's baby. Meanwhile, Nasedo disguises himself as Max and kidnaps Liz as part of a plan to trap FBI agent Pierce.
OPEN AT YALE DORM [There's a knock on the door of Rory's suite. Rory opens it and Lorelai is there, holding a box and a rolled-up rug] LORELAI: Hey, you know what's great about you going off to college? RORY: My newfound independence? LORELAI: Oh, no. My new batch of youth-oriented catalogs. For example, where on Earth could I put this fabulous purple flowered rug? It's so young and cool but doesn't really go with my room, so. . . RORY: My room. LORELAI: Ooh! The matching beanbag chair arrives next week. RORY: I love it when you miss me. LORELAI: Oh, it's not that I miss you. It's just since you've been gone, I finally realized how the living room stayed so clean. RORY: Mmhmm. What do you think? LORELAI: It works. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: You're welcome. So, Sookie sent marshmallow cookies, Luke sent muffins, and I got you a copy of the Stars Hollow Gazette. RORY: You don't have to bring that to me anymore. I subscribed. LORELAI: You subscribed to the Stars Hollow Gazette? The editor of the Stars Hollow Gazette does not subscribe to the Stars Hollow Gazette. RORY: I didn't want to get cut off from the town. LORELAI: That's very sweet of you. Hey, you wanna grab some coffee before I head back? RORY: Can't. LORELAI: Why? RORY: It's shopping week. LORELAI: Isn't it always? RORY: The first week of school is called shopping week. You get to try out as many classes as you want before you pick the ones you want to stick with for the semester. I picked over fifty classes I'm gonna try out, plus another ten I'm gonna squeeze in if I have the time. They all sound completely amazing. I stayed up all night reading the class subscriptions over and over. LORELAI: You do know that if you weren't so pretty, you would've gotten the crap kicked out of you every day of your life. RORY: Walk me out? LORELAI: Because you need the protection. Hey, what time's your first class? RORY: Oh, you know, soon. LORELAI: Uh oh. RORY: What? LORELAI: You're not gonna rush to your first class and get there like an hour early, are you? RORY: No. LORELAI: You are. RORY: I am not. LORELAI: When you started elementary school, you told me the teacher wanted to meet all the parents at 6:30, and when we got there, the school wasn't open yet. RORY: I did that once. LORELAI: No, you got away with it once. You tried it every year. RORY: I'm not gonna be early. LORELAI: You know, if you took all the time you wasted being early for things. . . [she looks around the room] RORY: What? LORELAI: My mother was here. RORY: What? LORELAI: My mother - she was here. I can feel it. RORY: Grandma hasn't been here. LORELAI: Smell that? RORY: Smell what? LORELAI: The room - it smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5. RORY: Mom, I'm telling you, you're wrong. LORELAI: You put the coffee table like that? RORY: No. LORELAI: Ha! RORY: I have three other roommates. One of them probably did it. LORELAI: Three roommates? RORY: Yup. LORELAI: When'd the other one come? RORY: Last night. Her name's Janet. LORELAI: What's she like? RORY: She jogs. LORELAI: Enough said. RORY: Come on, let's go. LORELAI: You seriously don't smell that? RORY: We can get one cup of coffee, and then I have to get to class. LORELAI: I knew you were early. RORY: I'm not that early. [they walk out of the room. Lorelai sticks her head back in and sniffs] [opening credits] CUT TO YALE CLASSROOM [Rory walks into an empty classroom and sits down. She's very early for her class. She starts to leave, but another student walks in, so she stays. A teacher walks in and hands out some papers] TEACHER: Freshmen. CUT TO SOOKIE'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Sookie are sitting at the kitchen table going over some paperwork.] LORELAI: Sign and date. SOOKIE: Signing and dating. LORELAI: Oh, do you have your last check stub? SOOKIE: Yeah. Uh, here. Oh, remember that? LORELAI: Income. SOOKIE: Yeah. LORELAI: Those were the days, huh? Okay, my hand is cramping, and I'm done signing now. JACKSON: Sookie, can you hand me that screwdriver? LORELAI: Oh, hey, um, tomorrow we have to meet with Ted Oldaman and get our liability insurance instated before we can break ground on the inn. And that reminds me. . .um, Tom sent over the initial proposal for the work. SOOKIE: How much? LORELAI: I'll tell you later. SOOKIE: When? LORELAI: After you blow. SOOKIE: Come on. LORELAI: Once you have the baby, then you can have the cow. JACKSON: Okay, I think I got it. SOOKIE: Is it really that much? JACKSON: Here. I'm going to the nursery. LORELAI: Uh, it's $20,000 more than we thought. SOOKIE: $20,000? That sucks. LORELAI: I got the chimney report back. SOOKIE: Oh, shoot. [Jackson's voice comes over a speaker] JACKSON: Hello? Hello? LORELAI: What is that? SOOKIE: Jackson. He's trying to hook up the house's central sound system to the baby monitor. JACKSON: I am in the baby's room. I repeat, I am in the baby's room. Copy that. LORELAI: This is probably the cutest creepy thing he's done yet. JACKSON: Can anyone hear me? I repeat, can anyone hear me? LORELAI: Yes, Jackson! SOOKIE: You're supposed to use the walkie-talkie. [she speaks into the walkie talkie] Roger, roger, Jackson. We're receiving some feedback. I repeat, we're receiving some feed- JACKSON: Hello? Sookie? SOOKIE: Jackson, I'm receiving feed- JACKSON: Do you hear me? Sookie? SOOKIE: Yes, I can hear you. I - JACKSON: Sookie, just tell me if you can hear me. SOOKIE: Jackson, I can hear. . .I can hear you just fine! LORELAI: Oh yeah, this system's gonna work great. JACKSON: Why aren't you using the walkie-talkie? SOOKIE: It's not working. JACKSON: Here. SOOKIE: Hey, you know, I had a thought. LORELAI: Yes? SOOKIE: Well, obviously, it's gonna take some time to get the inn up and running, right? LORELAI: Right. SOOKIE: And until we do, we have absolutely no money coming in whatsoever. LORELAI: So it's a happy thought. SOOKIE: What do you think about starting a catering company? LORELAI: A catering company. SOOKIE: Yeah. You could plan the events, decorations, themes, and I can cook. LORELAI: Well. . . SOOKIE: And it wouldn't be for very long - just until the baby came. LORELAI: Yes, but. . . JACKSON: Okay, here. LORELAI: Sookie, I'm not really a party planner. I've never done that. SOOKIE: What are you talking about? You put on all those beautiful weddings at the inn. And the conventions -- the men in the hats and the buttons. LORELAI: Yes, but I had a staff at the inn and I had resources. SOOKIE: Oh, come on. It'll be so fun to work together again. Just think about it. LORELAI: Fine, I'll think about it. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: How long do I have to think about it? SOOKIE: About a week. LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: Helen Thompson's son, Aaron, is having a birthday party and she asked me to cater, and I suggested that you plan it. She thought it was a fabulous idea. So she offered us the job and I just took it. It's Thursday. She wanted to do it on Aaron's actual birthday and I thought that was so sweet. Helen's like that, you know? LORELAI: Yes, I know. SOOKIE: I can call her right now and tell her no if that's what you want. I mean it, you say the word and it's off. Maybe we could just try this one just to see if you like it. Maybe. JACKSON: Okay, Sookie, can you hear me now? Hello? SOOKIE: Jackson, I can hear you. JACKSON: Use the monitor! SOOKIE: Sorry! CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory walks into the dorm. Another student rushes past her] STUDENT: Russian economics sucks. RORY: I will make a note. [Rory walks into her suite to find the common room completely redecorated] RORY: Tanna? Tanna? TANNA: What? RORY: Where did this come from? TANNA: What? RORY: This - the furniture, the couch, the chairs, the rug. TANNA: I don't know. It must've been here when I got back. [Rory's cell phone rings] RORY: [answers] Hello? EMILY: I was going to wait until you called me, but my life isn't as long as yours. Did you sit on the couch? RORY: The couch? EMILY: I didn't want to get it too soft because I knew you would be studying there as well as watching television, and you would need a little bit of support. RORY: You did this? EMILY: Of course I did it. My granddaughter's a Yalie now. She needs to live like a Yalie. RORY: But how? When? EMILY: I snuck in yesterday when you were in classes just to measure to make sure everything would fit. Then I had to butter up your dippy freshman counselor so she'd let the movers in. Did you look in the entertainment center yet? RORY: No. Oh. EMILY: That's a plasma TV with a VCR and a DVD player. There's also a five-CD changer and a turntable, and the whole thing is wired in 5.1 surround sound. Now I have no idea what that means, but the man who installed it said to get Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. It's supposed to be amazing. RORY: Grandma, this is all really sweet, but I have roommates, you know? And this might make them a little uncomfortable. EMILY: Uncomfortable about what? RORY: Well, um, this is a common room. It is common to all of us. EMILY: Mmhmm. RORY: Four of us who live here. There are four of us who live here together. And the common room. . .it's what we all have in common. EMILY: Oh, just show them how to use the remote. I'm sure they'll be fine with everything. RORY: Grandma, I worry that by you giving me all these things, it kind of makes it my room. EMILY: Exactly. RORY: What? EMILY: Never underestimate the value of the upper hand, Rory. You are in the real world now. Status matters. RORY: But - EMILY: Your grandfather and I are very proud of you. Enjoy the furniture. We'll see you on Friday. RORY: Okay, see you Friday. [hangs up] My grandmother broke into our room and furnished it. TANNA: Did she put that fireplace in, too? RORY: No, Tanna, the fireplace was always. . . hey, why don't we take a little tour of the place, okay? TANNA: Great. RORY: Yeah. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai enters the house carrying some takeout. She goes into the kitchen, grabs a plate and a napkin, then heads to the living room. She grabs the cordless phone, and as she sits down on the couch, it rings] LORELAI: [answers phone] They burnt my fries, forgot to give me an extra side of barbecue sauce, the jeep is making that crunchy sound again, and I have to spend my evening making elf ears for Aaron Thompson's Lord of the Rings party. RORY: Grandma broke into my dorm and redid the entire common room in $25,000 worth of furniture and stereo equipment. LORELAI: You win. RORY: It's unbelievable. You should see this place. I feel like I'm at Uday's house. LORELAI: Okay, tell me the whole story. RORY: I came home and all the normal furniture was gone and all this stuff was in here. LORELAI: What did your roommates say? RORY: Tanna still doesn't know she's at Yale, Paris saw it and said nothing. LORELAI: Oh, so that's coming. RORY: Janet's out jogging so I don't know what she thinks, but I have to hope she's pleased 'cause that girl's in shape and can kick my butt. LORELAI: Well, just make sure there's something she likes on the TV when she gets home. Something soothing to runners - maybe something that goes in a circle over and over. RORY: This is bad. This is a total invasion of privacy. LORELAI: I know. RORY: She didn't even ask. She got rid of everything that was in here. What if some of that furniture belonged to someone and they wanted it? I don't know what she was thinking. LORELAI: She was thinking, "Rory's life - mine. Must cover with chenille." RORY: I can't believe she did this. LORELAI: Oh, yes, you can. RORY: Excuse me? LORELAI: Well, Rory, come on, it's my mother. It's Emily Gilmore. This is what she does. You've seen her pull stunts like this on me for years. RORY: Yeah, but that was you. LORELAI: I told you when you borrowed that money from her that this is what you were getting into. RORY: I can't believe you're gloating. LORELAI: I'm not gloating. I'm just saying, when you sleep with dogs, you wake up with an entertainment center. RORY: Fine, so what do I do? LORELAI: Well, you could come out and say, "Grandma, this furniture is very nice. I appreciate the gesture, but this is a dorm room, and I cannot guarantee that the other people will love it as much as I do, and I worry about expensive equipment getting stolen, and it's just maybe too much right now." RORY: That sounds good. LORELAI: Okay. And then my mother will say, "Rory, your grandfather and I are paying for you to go to Yale. We are enabling you to have this rarefied education, and you're being ungrateful and small-minded, and I resent it. I am hurt on a level you will not be able to understand until you yourself have a daughter or a granddaughter who will cut your heart out the way you've just cut mine out, and I hope that small veneer of independence that you've extracted from this incident is worth the complete and total alienation of the grandparents who have done nothing but love you and thought of you only." RORY: Or I could keep the furniture. LORELAI: Yes, you could. RORY: This is great. LORELAI: Hon, seriously, if you feel strongly, say something. I just want you to be prepared, that's all. RORY: I know. LORELAI: And take heart in knowing that when it comes to controlling a person, my mother targeted my soul, my independence, and my entire future, and at least with you, she threw in an ottoman. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Richard arrives home and walks to the living room where Emily is looking through swatches of fabric] RICHARD: Emily? I'm home. EMILY: I keep wanting to give this room a little spruce, but for the life of me, every one of these fabrics gives me a headache. What do you think of this one? RICHARD: Hm? It's fine. EMILY: Well, that's just the sort of enthusiasm I was looking for. RICHARD: Emily, you have excellent taste. I'm sure whichever one you pick will look lovely. EMILY: Do you need some ice? RICHARD: Uh, no. A taller glass. EMILY: You sound tired. RICHARD: It's been a very long day. EMILY: You know, some men retire. RICHARD: Yes, and some men tattoo their mother's names on their biceps. EMILY: I don't think the two are necessarily linked. RICHARD: I'm fine, Emily. I just need a drink and a nice meal, and I'll be good as new. EMILY: You got a call from Jason Stiles today. RICHARD: Digger Stiles? What did he want? EMILY: To talk to you. RICHARD: I have nothing to say to him. EMILY: He might have something interesting to tell you. RICHARD: What - that the turncoat company I used to work for is cutting my pension? That the stock they gave me when they unceremoniously forced me out has been rescinded? EMILY: Yes. That, or hello. RICHARD: He's probably been sent to do his father's dirty work. It's not enough to fire me, they have to continue to harass me now that I'm gone. EMILY: I thought you always liked Digger. RICHARD: Yes, I liked Digger when he was fetching my coffee. I liked Digger when he was refilling my stapler. But I do not like Digger now that he is his father's heir apparent and sent to annoy me. And I certainly don't understand your need to defend him. EMILY: I'm not defending him. If you don't want to return the boy's call, don't return his call. RICHARD: Thank you. EMILY: I invited him over tomorrow anyway. You can find out what he wants then. RICHARD: You did what? EMILY: Well, he was absolutely insistent that he talk to you. RICHARD: Why would you do that? EMILY: It was the polite thing to do. If you don't want him to come over, I have his number. You may call him and disinvite him. It's up to you. RICHARD: Fine, he can come over, but he is not staying for a drink. He can come in and deliver his message and then leave. EMILY: Whatever you say. RICHARD: That's it - no drink, no handshake, nothing. EMILY: I'll even hide the liquor bottles so he doesn't get any bright ideas. RICHARD: It's extremely comforting to have such a supportive wife in times like these. EMILY: I'm so glad. CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory is on the couch in the common room when Paris walks in] PARIS: Did you hear? RORY: Hear what? PARIS: The first party of the year is going to be on our floor. RORY: Oh yeah? PARIS: Technically, it's to celebrate the first week of classes, but I'm anticipating the themes quickly degenerating to "Hey, walking works -- let's drink." The important thing is that this party, the first party, is going to be on our floor. Our floor. RORY: Yes, our floor. PARIS: Anyhow, the way it works is that anyone who wants to be apart of the party will just leave their door open so people can just wander in and out. So what do you think? RORY: About what? PARIS: Leaving our door open. It's the perfect opportunity to solidify our social standing at Yale. It'll virtually guarantee invitations to every other party thrown this year, and we'll get our faces in people's heads. RORY: I don't know. PARIS: What, what don't you know? I've explained the entire thing to you. RORY: Well, I'm not sure I want to leave our door open to a bunch of strangers. PARIS: Well, they won't be strangers once they come in and say howdy. RORY: Yeah, but I'm not sure how I'm gonna feel that night. I might be tired. PARIS: For God's sakes, Grandpa, you're eighteen. Sleep when you're dead. RORY: Look, we can still go to the party. We can meet people, you can solidify your social status, get your face in people's heads, and I can bail when I feel like it. PARIS: Going isn't the same. Going is passive. Opening your door, you are giving the party. You are responsible for the fun. People owe you. Don't you want people to owe you? RORY: I'm good, actually. PARIS: Oh, sure, you're good. You're fine. After all, you have all this fancy furniture and a big TV to lord over people. It's the rest of us who are screwed - the ones whose grandparents hadn't thought to provide suck-up furniture. RORY: This is not suck-up furniture. PARIS: You're being selfish. You don't care about anybody but yourself. RORY: Paris. PARIS: No. I hate college! CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Sookie are sitting at the kitchen table] LORELAI: Okay, we've got costumes, we're got cutouts, we've got rings, ladies and gentlemen. We've got fairy necklaces, we've got tree heads. I'm picking up table decorations tomorrow. Oh, do you need me to order a Lord of the Rings cake? SOOKIE: The cake is under control. LORELAI: Okay, cake's off my list. So you've got the menu going, right? SOOKIE: Yes. LORELAI: Just festive kiddie food. You know, like, uh, bagel dogs, tater tots, mini pizzas, mac and cheese. Oh, you know what would be great? Those colored popcorn balls. Rory used to go mental over those things. SOOKIE: Hey, how many adults are gonna be there? LORELAI: Probably about ten. SOOKIE: Okay. [Lane walks in the back door] LORELAI: Hi. LANE: Hey. Okay, so I've scoured the entire store and here's what we got. LORELAI: Hit me. LANE: Horn of Gondor, Legolas' bow, and a cape. LORELAI: Cape for who? LANE: There's 4,000 people in that movie who wear capes - you can't pick one? LORELAI: Wow, you're crabby. LANE: Well, I wore a bracelet to school today. My parents were called. There was a special service in chapel, and I've been ordered to a soul-searching seminar next week. I'll be sitting between the nail-polish-wearing girl and the spicy condiment user. LORELAI: I'm sorry. LANE: That's okay. LORELAI: Leave the horn, the bow, and the bill. LANE: Right. [the phone rings] LORELAI: [answers] Hello? PARIS: I need to talk to you about Rory. LORELAI: Paris? PARIS: She's not adjusting well. I'm actually concerned about her. LORELAI: Well, that's very - PARIS: The socialization process in college is vitally important. The connections we make here can last a lifetime. They can alter the course of our future. That's how important they are. LORELAI: Okay. PARIS: Now I'm sure it's tempting to emotionally stunt your daughter so she'll move back home and take care of you in your old age, but I thought you wanted better for her. LORELAI: Hey, Paris, did something happen between you and Rory? PARIS: She won't open the door for the party. LORELAI: The - PARIS: There's a party on our floor, and if you open your door, you get to be apart of it, but she won't open the door because she's busy being Heidi's grandfather, and if you were a real mother -- RORY: Paris, you called my mother? PARIS: Well, you wouldn't listen to me. RORY: Give me that phone! Hello? LORELAI: Hi, honey. How's school? RORY: I'm rooming with a Stephen King novel. LORELAI: What's she talking about? RORY: Oh, just some ridiculous party. I don't want to let a million strangers traipse through my room, so she's having a meltdown. I'm sorry she bothered you. LORELAI: That's okay. RORY: I'm gonna kill her. LORELAI: Remember, you cut off one head, she'll just grow another. So tell me about the party. RORY: It's nothing, it's just a "first week of class" kind of thing. LORELAI: Are you going? RORY: Maybe. LORELAI: You know, it might not be such a bad idea to get to know the people in your building, see who's gonna be the ones to have the emergency Pop Tarts on hand. RORY: I'll get to know them. LORELAI: A party might be kind of a fun way to do it. RORY: I'm sorry, are you telling me to let Paris open the door to the world? LORELAI: I'm not telling you anything. I just want to make sure that at the end of four years, you've not only read every book in the Yale library, you've also had some fun. RORY: I will have fun. LORELAI: But I can see you the night of the party holing up in your room with a book for the entire evening. RORY: You know when I do that, I'm not hiding. I enjoy it. And I'm making friends - you saw me make friends. LORELAI: I know, but I'm not just talking about making friends. I'm talking about experiencing things. Parties, football games, protests, barn burnings. RORY: Very big amongst the kids these days. LORELAI: Those are all experiences. Maybe dumb experiences, but you never know when you're accidentally gonna stumble across something that could be. . .something. RORY: Fine, I'll open the door. PARIS: Yes! RORY: This isn't for you! PARIS: Like I care about the reason. LORELAI: You might have fun. RORY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. LORELAI: Call me later. RORY: If I don't, I'm sure Paris will. PARIS: Tell her thanks for me. RORY: I will not! CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory is in the common room when Tanna walks in wearing Rory's old Chilton uniform] TANNA: What do you think? RORY: What is that? TANNA: Well, you said I could borrow something to wear to the party. RORY: Yeah, I did, but that's my Chilton uniform. My mom probably threw it in for a joke. It's my high-school uniform. I wore it every day to. . .you know, there's a tie in there that goes with it. PARIS: Okay, I've scoped out the other open rooms and no one seems to have copped a clear identity yet, which leaves the field wide open. So what do you think we should be? We've got a lot of seating, so we could be the make-out room. Or we could crank the stereo up and push the furniture aside and be the dance room. Or we could throw down some towels and be the keg room. RORY: I don't want an identity. You already made me open the door. I opened the door. We're the open-door room. That's it. PARIS: How about some low lighting and some candles? We could be the meaningful-conversation room. RORY: No themes. PARIS: But - RORY: No. PARIS: No one knows me here, Rory. Do you understand what that means? It means I can start all over. I can wipe out the last eighteen years and introduce people to the new Paris Geller, the fun Paris Geller. I just want everything to be different this year, that's all. RORY: One candle. PARIS: Thank you, thank you. CUT TO THE BIRTHDAY PARTY [Lorelai is talking to a little boy] LORELAI: No, seriously, give me the ring. ROGER: No way. LORELAI: Five bucks. ROGER: No. LORELAI: Just let me hold it. ROGER: Forget it. LORELAI: Come on, I promise I'll give it right back, my precious. I mean, Roger. ROGER: You're crazy. LORELAI: What? You're the one with the pointy ears, my friend. [A woman walks two more boys over to Lorelai] HELEN: Here we go. I'd like you to meet Redmond and Riley James. LORELAI: Redmond, Riley, nice to meet you. I'm Julie, your cruise director. I'm here to help you with your costumes. REDMOND: I want to be Legolas. RILEY: I want to be Gimli. REDMOND: I want to be Gimli, too. LORELAI: Okay, two Gimlis coming up. BOY: Lorelai, my hood is loose! REDMOND: Her name is Julie, stupid. BOY: No, it's not, retard! LORELAI: Hey, hey, hey. RILEY: She just told us her name was Julie. She's our cruise director. BOY: What's a cruise director? REDMOND: I don't know, but you fart with your face. LORELAI: Hey, love, guys. Love, okay? Lord of the Rings is all about the love. BOY: Nuh uh, it's about the destruction of all mankind. LORELAI: And who doesn't love that? You're fixed. Go play - lovingly. HELEN: Lorelai, some of the kids are asking for swords. Did you bring swords? LORELAI: Oh, no, I didn't. HELEN: Oh, thank God. Oh, the Raymonds - I forgot we made up. Will you excuse me? LORELAI: Absolutely. [A little girl walks up to her] GIRL: Riley said only boy hobbits can travel to Mount Doom. Is that true? LORELAI: In the movie, only boy hobbits travel to Mount Doom, but that's only because the girls went to do something even more dangerous. GIRL: What? LORELAI: Have you ever heard of a Brazilian bikini wax? SOOKIE: [calls from across the yard] Lorelai! LORELAI: Oh, great, you're here. GIRL: So girls go on adventures, too? LORELAI: And they go in heels. GIRL: Good. SOOKIE: Are Rawley and Cheech here? LORELAI: Yup, they've been chopping away for an hour. SOOKIE: Perfect. Wow, there is a full house, isn't there? You have enough costumes? LORELAI: We're good - the screen's up, the tables are set, and four kids are crying, so we're right on schedule. SOOKIE: Well, I better get in the kitchen. LORELAI: All right, because it's coming up on elevenses and the hobbits are hungry, right? KIDS: Right! SOOKIE: I'm going, I'm going. MAN: Hey, who wants a sword? KIDS: Me! CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Emily opens the front door] EMILY: Well, Jason Stiles, look at you. JASON: Look at me - look at you. I've just got a trainer. You have cheated God. EMILY: You've been here one minute and you're already starting with the flattery. JASON: I apologize. It is lovely to see you, Emily. EMILY: It's lovely to see you also. JASON: So, did you sell your soul to the devil or. . . EMILY: How's your mother? JASON: She is exactly the same. EMILY: And her horses? JASON: Have a better life than I do. EMILY: Well, Richard is in his study. JASON: I would expect no less. [they walk to the study and knock on the door] RICHARD: Come in. [they walk in] EMILY: Richard, there's someone here to see you. JASON: Hello, Richard. I appreciate you taking the time to do this. EMILY: Well, I'll leave you two alone. Jason, be sure and say goodbye before you leave. JASON: I'll do that. [Emily leaves] JASON: So, how have you been? RICHARD: Fine. JASON: May I sit? RICHARD: Your choice. JASON: I hear your business is going well. RICHARD: You hear correctly. JASON: No reason for it not to be going well. You were always the best. RICHARD: Is that what you came here to tell me, how competent I was at my job? JASON: Nope, I came here to make you a proposition. RICHARD: Go ahead and make it. JASON: I want to be your partner. RICHARD: Excuse me? JASON: I want to join forces with you. You know, put a desk in your office, get a copy of the key, maybe snag some of that fancy stationery to write on. RICHARD: You're not serious. JASON: I'm prepared to buy my way in. I am also prepared to bring all of my current clients, and that should be appealing to you, even if sharing an office and parting with some stationery is not. Think about it. I could make your company an instant contender, with my youth and my clients and your reputation and respectability. It's a pretty interesting package, don't you think? RICHARD: You want to become my partner. JASON: Yes. RICHARD: You want to pay me and bring a whole slew of high-paying clients with you. JASON: You keep leaving out the stationery. RICHARD: Thank you for coming, Jason. JASON: Is something wrong? RICHARD: Yes, something's wrong. I don't appreciate you wasting my time. JASON: I didn't know that I was. RICHARD: Am I such a joke to you that you feel you can come in here. . . JASON: You're no joke. RICHARD: . . .and take my time away from important things? JASON: I assure you you are no joke. You were the best my father's company ever had. RICHARD: You're damn right I was the best that company had, and now I am the best competition they will ever have. JASON: Not yet. But with me, you could be. RICHARD: Why? Why would you think I'd believe you were serious about this? JASON: When was the last time I stuck a whoopee cushion on your chair, Richard? RICHARD: Your father started that company. He made that company. JASON: With you. RICHARD: You've been working there since you were a kid. All the way through Harvard, you worked there. You've been groomed to take that company over, and now you're telling me you want to leave? JASON: Yes. RICHARD: Why? JASON: Because I want to do something on my own. I want to work someplace that hasn't known me since I was six. I'd like to get through an entire day without being called Digger. And I really, really want to piss off my dad. RICHARD: You what? JASON: Can you imagine his face? No, really, take a moment. Picture it. I walk into his office, he's sitting in his enormous red-leather chair, and I say, "Dad, I am leaving. I am taking all of my high-paying clients with me, and I am getting into business with Richard Gilmore, the man you forced out to make room for me." Can you see that face? RICHARD: I can see it. JASON: It's a pretty good face, isn't it? RICHARD: It is rather satisfying. JASON: So, what do you say? RICHARD: You hate your father that much? JASON: I don't hate him. I just don't want to be him. RICHARD: Jason, would you care to join me for a drink? JASON: Gladly. [As they exit the study, Jason's pager goes off] RICHARD: Emily, Jason's going to join us for a drink. EMILY: He is? Well, how nice. JASON: Richard, would you mind if I borrowed your phone? RICHARD: Not at all. You can use the one in my study. JASON: Thank you. I'll be right out. [Jason walks back into the study. Emily and Richard walk to the living room] EMILY: So, I see your meeting went well. RICHARD: It was actually very interesting. EMILY: Really? RICHARD: He wants to be my business partner. EMILY: What? But what about his father and his company? RICHARD: He wants to leave. He wants to work with the best. EMILY: Well, good for Digger. RICHARD: Well, I always did like that boy. EMILY: So what did you say? RICHARD: Well, I told him I would have to think about it. I mean, it's not as if I need anyone working with me. Things are going very well. I'm building a very solid client base. EMILY: It would be nice for you not to have to work so hard. RICHARD: I don't mind hard work, Emily. EMILY: I know you don't mind it. I just said that it would be nice if you didn't have to do it. RICHARD: Well. . . EMILY: Jason's a very nice boy. RICHARD: Yes, he is. He is a very nice boy. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO THE BIRTHDAY PARTY [Sookie is setting up in the dining room.] LORELAI: What are you doing? SOOKIE: I'm getting the tables ready. LORELAI: They were ready. SOOKIE: No, ready for the food. LORELAI: They were ready for the food. SOOKIE: No, they weren't. LORELAI: Yes, they were. I set them myself. SOOKIE: But where were the tablecloths? LORELAI: Right here. There. SOOKIE: They're paper. LORELAI: Yes, they are. SOOKIE: And there's monsters on them. LORELAI: No, they're Lord of the Rings characters, which is rather appropriate since this is a Lord of the Rings party. SOOKIE: So this is the table? LORELAI: Yup. SOOKIE: And the paper cups and plates. . . LORELAI: All there on purpose. SOOKIE: I thought you just put them out for the kids to see. LORELAI: And use. SOOKIE: But the chafing dish looks so much better on the white tablecloth. LORELAI: Um, you shouldn't have a chafing dish out here. SOOKIE: Why not? LORELAI: Because a chafing dish has a candle, and a candle has a flame, and a kid could stick his finger in there and get hurt. SOOKIE: Isn't that how they learn? LORELAI: Let's heat things up in the kitchen. SOOKIE: Fine. LORELAI: You made brie. SOOKIE: Oh. With lavender honey and, uh, bourbon-sugared pecans. I thought it would go nicely with the crudités platter. LORELAI: Please tell me you made food for the kids. SOOKIE: I did make food for the kids. LORELAI: These kids - not the Romanov kids. SOOKIE: I just put this out in case anyone over the age of ten gets hungry. There are parents here, too, you know. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: Parents whose responsibility it would be to keep their kid from hitting another kid or putting their fingers under a chafing dish. LORELAI: Sookie. . . SOOKIE: Fine. CUT TO YALE DORM [Paris walks through the party] PARIS: Hey, having a good time? I'm Paris Geller, suite five. It's open. It's got a candle - perfect for some deep conversation. Uh, prepare two to five subjects to discuss so that the conversation doesn't lag and totally ruin the vibe. Party on. [walks over to Rory] So, I did a survey of all the rooms and, by far, ours is the best. RORY: Great. PARIS: Three is way too cluttered. Four has developed a weird smell. RORY: Uh huh PARIS: Two was a contender for awhile until I started telling everyone that the girl who lives there was waitlisted. I'm gonna get out there and mingle. This is a great party. [walks away] [Rory goes into her bedroom and tries to read a book, then goes back out to the party] MADELINE: Rory! RORY: Oh, my God! Madeline, Louise, what are you doing here? LOUISE: Party, baby. RORY: I thought you were supposed to be at Mills. MADELINE: Where? RORY: Mills? MADELINE: Where? RORY: No more Mills? MADELINE: Mills went bye-bye before I unpacked my shoes. LOUISE: She's been hanging out at Tulane with me. MADELINE: I love New Orleans. I am so southern. RORY: What are you doing here? LOUISE: We went online and found out where all the first week of class parties were, and we're making the rounds. MADELINE: We hit Harvard next. LOUISE: That's where my boyfriend goes. RORY: Oh, you're dating a Harvard man? MADELINE: He's gonna be a writer. LOUISE: Well, he hopes. Right now, he's totally freaked that The Simpsons are going to be off the air by the time he graduates. RORY: Well, it's good to see you guys. Paris is around here somewhere. MADELINE: I hope she's in back of that guy over there because that's where I'm heading. LOUISE: We'll be back. RORY: Good luck. [Madeline and Louise walk away. Two girls walk up to Rory] MICKEY: Rory Gilmore? KICK: Are you Rory Gilmore? RORY: Yes, I'm Rory Gilmore. KICK: Rory. . .what can we do with that? MICKEY: Ro-ro? KICK: Ry-ror? MICKEY: Her last name might help. KICK: Gilmore. MICKEY: Ro-gil? Gil-roy? RORY: Excuse, me, what are you doing? KICK: Giving you a nick. MICKEY: A nickname. RORY: Do I know you? KICK: We get so ahead of ourselves. We're like time travelers. I'm Kick. MICKEY: I'm Mickey. Your grandmother Emily told us to look you up. RORY: My grandmother? KICK: She's tight with our mom, D.A.R. darling. When she heard we were going to Yale, she laid down the law. MICKEY: To look you up and make sure you fell in with the right crowd. KICK: Which would be us. MICKEY: But we never settled on a nickname. KICK: I think we're still trying the last-first combo. RORY: Listen, I really appreciate you guys seeking me out, and it was really nice meeting you, but I actually have to go find my roommate. KICK: Do you have a middle name? MICKEY: Yes, that might help. KICK: When's your birthday? MICKEY: Oh, astrological nickname. Very in. very, very in. KICK: Seating. MICKEY: Ooh, great fabric. KICK: This is the furniture Emily bought. MICKEY: That's right. That woman does have taste. KICK: I wish she'd talk to Mom. MICKEY: Yeah, 'cause then we wouldn't have to. KICK: Did Mom tell you about Christmas? MICKEY: Yes. Hawaii. KICK: Can't even imagine what's going through her mind. MICKEY: Walt Disney could not imagine what was going through her mind. CUT TO LATER AT THE YALE PARTY GUY: You want the guy that pumps your gas voting? GIRL: That is what America is about. GUY: What ignorance! GIRL: You're the ignorant one. KICK: I had a terrible dream the other night that everything they say about sunscreen is true. MICKEY: I have had that dream. PARIS: I don't think I'm having fun. RORY: Well, the party's not over yet. PARIS: I know. What's with the Gabor sisters? RORY: Friends from my grandmother. PARIS: Great. Everybody has a group but me. RORY: What are you talking about? PARIS: Janet's a runner, so she'll automatically be in the jock group. Tanna's a freak, so she'll be in the John Nash group. You've got your grandmother's obligation friends, and I'm stuck over there listening to a bad talk-radio session. This sucks. RORY: Well, we could just kick everyone out and just go to bed. PARIS: No. I'll just have to try a little harder. I'm determined. Things are going to be different this year. GUY: [to Paris] Hey. pierce my ear. PARIS: Okay, everybody out, now! This room is closed. Take your gross beer and your inane conversations somewhere else. Move! MICKEY: What's going on? RORY: I don't know. Looks like my roommate's kicking everybody out. Oh shoot. PARIS: Hey, Bim and Bim, up. Let's move, now. KICK: Hey! RORY: Sorry. She's my roommate. What can I do? Call me. CUT TO THE BIRTHDAY PARTY [The kids are gathered around the TV watching Lord of the Rings.] HELEN: Lorelai, some of the kids are starting to get hungry. I think we should have the food ready to go the minute the movie's over. LORELAI: I agree. I'll get right on that. [she walks to the dining room] Oh, hey. Um, Helen wants us to put the food on. SOOKIE: Oh, one step ahead of you. LORELAI: Good, good. So, uh, what do we have here? SOOKIE: A little lemon-garlic aioli for the blanched veggies. LORELAI: Oh, great. SOOKIE: You think I should put the assorted charcuteries on this table or this one? LORELAI: It depends. Which one is the kids' table? SOOKIE: There are no designated tables. I'm mixing and matching here. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: Oh, perfect. Right here. Well, hello, gorgeous. What's your name? LORELAI: Oh, boy. Wow. [a little girl walks into the dining room] GIRL: I'm hungry. SOOKIE: Would you like some gravlax? GIRL: Some what? LORELAI: Sookie, where's the kids' food? SOOKIE: Okay, you need to relax. I haven't put the kids' food out yet because you wouldn't let me use the chafing dishes and I didn't want the food to get cold. [the little girl tastes a carrot, then puts it back on the tray of food] SOOKIE: What did you just do? LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: You just stuck that carrot in your mouth and then put it back on the platter. Why would you do that? GIRL: It tastes like diapers. SOOKIE: It does not taste like diapers. LORELAI: Honey, why don't you go sit down. I'll call you when dinner's ready. SOOKIE: You take it back! LORELAI: Okay, come on. [Lorelai pulls Sookie into the kitchen] SOOKIE: What are you doing? LORELAI: Where is it? SOOKIE: Where is what? LORELAI: The food that doesn't taste like diapers. SOOKIE: You mean the kids' food? LORELAI: Yes, the kids' food. Did you make any? SOOKIE: I'm not stupid. LORELAI: I never said you were stupid. SOOKIE: You know, I booked this gig. I'm the one who came to you and said, "Hey, you want to cater a kids' party with me?" [she pulls a dish out of the oven] Here. Here is the children's food for the children's birthday party, okay? LORELAI: What is that? SOOKIE: It's macaroni and cheese. LORELAI: It's green. Why is it green? SOOKIE: Because I made it with a jalapeno-chipotle cream sauce. LORELAI: Kids aren't gonna eat this. SOOKIE: When they try it - LORELAI: They won't even try it. SOOKIE: Why not? LORELAI: Because it's green. SOOKIE: You haven't even offered it to them yet. They may surprise you. LORELAI: Where is the rest of it? SOOKIE: The rest of what? LORELAI: The rest of the kid food. SOOKIE: This is it. LORELAI: Sookie! SOOKIE: They're small! How much can they eat? LORELAI: We talked about this. I mentioned hot dogs and pizza puffs and chips. I told you to make popcorn balls. Where the hell are the popcorn balls? SOOKIE: You were serious about that? LORELAI: Oh, my God! Is that the cake? SOOKIE: Of course it's the cake. You think I would go to a birthday party without a cake? LORELAI: What kind of cake is it, Sookie? SOOKIE: Chocolate. With a rum-raisin, tropical-fruit ganache. LORELAI: Okay, um, Cheech? Uh, here. Go to, um, Doose's, okay, and get, like, five boxes of frozen mini pizzas and five boxes of those pigs in a blanket and all the chips you can find. And then go to Weston's, get a couple dozen cupcakes, and have Mamie give you a couple of big bags of jimmies - like chocolate, rainbow, whatever. SOOKIE: What are you doing? LORELAI: We'll have them decorate their own cupcakes. They'll love it. Okay, go. SOOKIE: We're going to serve them cupcakes? LORELAI: Maybe they have something to tide them over for a little while. SOOKIE: Hey, hey, I'm talking here. LORELAI: Yeah, I know. Just relax. It's gonna be fine. SOOKIE: I know it's gonna be fine because I've been cooking all week long. I made four different cakes before choosing that particular one. So, yeah, I know it's gonna be fine. LORELAI: But the kids won't eat that. SOOKIE: You know what, I'm getting a little tired of you telling me what the kids won't eat. You are supposed to plan the party, and I'm supposed to do the cooking. That's the arrangement. LORELAI: Yes, but you have to think about the client, Sookie. SOOKIE: I am thinking about the client. That cake is incredible. LORELAI: Not if you're an 8-year-old. SOOKIE: How do you know? LORELAI: Because I had an 8-year-old, and she hung out with other 8-year-olds, and my taste right now is not that different from an 8-year-old. SOOKIE: Okay, you can't just walk in and take over. That's not the arrangement. You're not in charge here. We're partners. LORELAI: I know that. SOOKIE: I'm a great chef. A great chef does not have the client decorate his own cupcakes. [a little girl walks in] GIRL: Can I have a juice box? SOOKIE: Hey, we're talking! [the girl's face scrunches up like she's about to cry] LORELAI: Oh, yeah. . . [she gets a juice box from the fridge] SOOKIE: What's the matter with her? Is she sick? Why is her mouth open? Lorelai, look at her face. LORELAI: [to the girl] Hi, honey. There's your juice. It's grape. Do you like grape? Me, too! It makes your tongue all purple. Now take your juice and go watch the rest of the movie, all right? You look very nice in your costume. [the girl leaves] Okay, Sookie, I didn't mean to just take over like that. I felt a crisis coming on so I snapped into problem-solving mode, and I didn't think. SOOKIE: I can't do this. LORELAI: Yes, you can. We just need to be clearer on the menu next time. SOOKIE: No, not this. [points to her stomach] This. LORELAI: Isn't it a little late? SOOKIE: You saw me with that little girl. I mean, and her face - I made that face. LORELAI: You were upset. SOOKIE: This is not right. This is all wrong. I don't. . .I don't want to be pregnant anymore! LORELAI: What are you gonna do, walk it off? Sookie, Sookie. . .hey, hey. . .where are you going? SOOKIE: A child is not a duvet cover. You can't just take it back if it doesn't like you. LORELAI: Luckily, duvet covers notoriously like whoever they go home with. They're like golden retrievers. SOOKIE: You know what happens when kids don't like you? They tie you to a chair. They brain you with a bat. They set fire to the house and blame it on the neighbors. LORELAI: Wow, now you can't have kids or live next door to them. SOOKIE: I don't know how to talk to them, I don't know how to feed them, I cover up their party cloths, and I set their fingers on fire. LORELAI: Just this once. SOOKIE: I make them eat jalapeno-chipotle cream sauce. I'm Mommie Dearest. LORELAI: Okay, back in the kitchen. SOOKIE: No, I can't go back. I've got hummus in there. LORELAI: Come on. SOOKIE: God knows what I'll do with it! LORELAI: Oh. Uh, hey, Rawley, could you just go make sure the kids have enough soda? [to Sookie] You just have to calm down. SOOKIE: I can't have it. LORELAI: Yes, you can. SOOKIE: No, I can't. I'm gonna fail. Get it out, get it out, get it out! LORELAI: Stop. Breathe. Drink. Everything's gonna be fine. SOOKIE: Kids don't like me, and I'm not so sure I like them. LORELAI: You'll like your kid. SOOKIE: You know at family gatherings when everyone goes into the living room, gathers around, watches the kids? I read. Jackson's sister has a little girl, six years old. She likes to get up in front of the family after dinner and sing Mariah Carey songs. I heckle. I have no desire to play with them. Easter egg hunts bore me. I have never borrowed the neighbor's kid to look after for the afternoon. LORELAI: Good. That's called kidnapping. SOOKIE: "Come on, Jackson, let's have a baby. I wanna be a mommy." I'm pathetic. LORELAI: You're not pathetic. SOOKIE: I'm gonna be a bad mother. I should not be a parent. LORELAI: Sookie, look at me. There are many people in this world who should not have been parents. Mr. and Mrs. Hitler, for example. The bin Ladens could have just watched TV that night. Richard and Emily might have taken a pass at procreating. But you. . .no way. You're gonna be a great parent. SOOKIE: Yeah? LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: How do you know? LORELAI: Because I know you, and I watched you with Rory when she was growing up. SOOKIE: Well, who could not like Rory? LORELAI: You're gonna be amazing. That little boy of yours is very lucky. SOOKIE: Okay. I guess it's gonna be okay. LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: Okay. Okay. I'm really, really okay. LORELAI: Yeah, okay. [Sookie goes into the dining room, then walks right back into the kitchen] SOOKIE: Someone threw up on the table. LORELAI: Oh, God. SOOKIE: I'm okay. I'm just gonna go over there and be. . .okay. LORELAI: Good idea. CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory wakes up in the middle of the night. She hears a noise out in the hallway and walks out of her suite. A naked guy is sleeping on the floor. She wakes him up] MARTY: Hi. RORY: Hi. MARTY: I'm on the floor. RORY: You were sleeping. MARTY: I have no clothes on. RORY: No, you don't. MARTY: I'm on the floor, I have no clothes on, and you're a girl, so I must be. . . RORY: On the wrong floor. MARTY: Oh, boy. RORY: Where's your room? MARTY: I think up. Are we on the first floor? RORY: Yes. MARTY: Then up. Any idea how long I've been here? RORY: No. MARTY: So you have no idea how many people have walked by while I've. . . RORY: Sorry. MARTY: Great. Now for the rest of my time at Yale, I'm gonna be "the naked guy." RORY: I'm sorry. MARTY: And you know what's really great? Tomorrow, when the "naked guy" nickname starts spreading around campus like wildfire, I'm gonna be in my third hour of throwing up. RORY: Well, it's been really quiet out here for a while now, so there's a chance that no one but me has actually seen you yet. MARTY: Oh yeah? RORY: I promise I won't say anything. And if there's a chance that you could refrain from, you know, being naked again in the wrong hallway at the next party, then there's a chance you might get a completely different nickname, like "the never-naked guy." MARTY: You're a very kind person. [he starts to stand up] RORY: Wait. Hold on. Um, you can borrow this. [she hands him her robe] MARTY: Thanks. RORY: Mmhmm. MARTY: Hey, weren't you in my Japanese Fiction class today? RORY: Yeah, that's right. MARTY: I thought so. Hi, I'm, uh. . .Marty. RORY: Um. . .Rory. MARTY: I won't remember that tomorrow. RORY: That's perfectly understandable. MARTY: So I should probably try and find my room. And my pants, 'cause that's where I kept my keys. RORY: So pants first. MARTY: Right, pants first. RORY: Night. MARTY: Yup. I'm officially stupider than my brother. I never thought that would happen. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Rory is waiting out front by her car when Lorelai pulls up] LORELAI: Hi. RORY: I decided I'm going to do it. LORELAI: To do what? RORY: I'm going to go in there and I'm going to tell Grandma that she's going to butt out of my life. LORELAI: Mmhmm. Can I. . . [she sniffs Rory's travel mug] RORY: What are you doing? LORELAI: Just checking. So you have soberly decided to confront my mother? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: Are you sure you want to do this? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: All right, then I support you one hundred percent. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: Just make sure you wait for the right moment. RORY: Oh, the right moment is now. The right moment arrived in a big pink hat full of feathers screaming, "Notice me because I am here!" LORELAI: Oh, well, if it was wearing a hat. . . [they ring the doorbell. Emily answers the door] EMILY: There they are. LORELAI: Hi, Mom. EMILY: Come in. I tell you, this day has been an absolute circus. I misplaced every single thing I needed - my grocery list, my ticket for the shoe repair. It was a nightmare. What will you girls have? LORELAI: Wait for the moment, wait for the moment. RORY: Grandma, I have to talk to you about something. EMILY: Yes, Rory, what is it? [There is silence as Rory tries to bring herself to confront Emily. Richard enters the room] RICHARD: I have an announcement. I am going into business with Jason Stiles. LORELAI: Who? RICHARD: You've met him - the Stiles boy. LORELAI: Oh, Digger. RICHARD: Nobody's called him Digger in years, Lorelai. And yes, I just got off the phone. We're going to get together later and hash out the details. EMILY: Richard, that is wonderful. LORELAI: I didn't know you were looking for a partner. EMILY: He wasn't. Jason came to him. RICHARD: That's right. He said he wanted to strike out on his own, he wanted to work with the best, and he wanted to screw over his father. LORELAI: What? RICHARD: Oh, excuse me, Rory. EMILY: You never told me about this. RICHARD: Well, I was a bit surprised at the beginning, but I have to admit that when he told me that part of his motive was revenge, I was intrigued. No, I was tickled. I thought it was wonderful. What a wonderful world we live in that the son of my enemy hates his father and that I benefit from it all. It's downright Elizabethan. EMILY: I don't think this is very funny, Richard. RICHARD: No, no, I suppose not. However, I can't stop smiling. EMILY: I don't think you should go into business with this boy. RICHARD: Oh, now, Emily. EMILY: He's obviously very troubled. You certainly don't need to hand over your business to a troubled youth. RICHARD: He's 37 years old. EMILY: Yes, he's 37 years old, and all he can think about is how to get back at his father. I don't understand that kind of thinking. RICHARD: Well, you know Floyd - he's horrible. EMILY: He is the boy's father. He raised him. He clothed him. He fed him. He does not deserve to be paid back for all of his love and devotion like this. RICHARD: Why are you getting so upset? EMILY: I don't want to talk about it anymore. RICHARD: Oh, Emily, be reasonable. EMILY: I never liked that Digger in the first place. RICHARD: Oh, Emily, come back here. [Emily and Richard leave the room. Lorelai clucks like a chicken at Rory] RORY: It wasn't the right moment. [Lorelai clucks at her again] RORY: I was about to when Grandpa came in. He interrupted, and now Grandma's mad, so I'm sorry if it seems to you like I chickened out, but I didn't, and now it's just gonna have to wait. LORELAI: Mmhmm. [clucks again]	Plan: A: the inn; Q: What do Lorelai and Sookie want to open? A: caterers; Q: What do Lorelai and Sookie decide to become on the side? A: Yale; Q: Where does Rory go to school? A: class; Q: What did Rory return from to find Emily had redecorated their common room? A: their common room; Q: What does Emily redecorate for Rory when he returns from class? A: a proposal; Q: What does Richard ponder to take on a new business partner? Summary: To help meet the expenses of opening the inn, Lorelai and Sookie decide to become caterers on the side, with their first assignment being a "Lord of the Rings" theme party. At Yale, Rory returns from class to find that Emily has redecorated their common room. Meanwhile, Richard ponders a proposal to take on a new business partner.
"Danny boy. The pipes, the pipes are calling. From glen to glen and down the mountainside. The summer's gone" Man: "And all the roses falling. 'Tis you, 'tis you must go And I must bide" Thanks ! Cho: Which one's ours? Lisbon: The one who looks like she blows her nose with $100 bills. Cho: They all look like that. Lisbon: Joke. That's her over there. Let's go. Cho: We shouldn't have to be asking for charity. Lisbon: The department needs the money. Smile. Lisbon: Mrs. Doverton? Hi. I'm Teresa Lisbon. This is Kimball Cho. We're with the CBI. You're sponsoring us for the event, I believe. Mrs. Doverton: Yes, of course. Yes. Welcome. I was very sorry to hear about your terrible loss- You know, those agents. Lisbon: Thank you. Mrs. Doverton: I can only imagine what you must all be feeling. Lisbon: We don't talk about it. Thanks. Mrs. Doverton: I'd like to introduce you to my nephews. This is Thomas. Lisbon: Hi. Mrs. Doverton: Say hello, Thomas. Thomas: Hi. Cho: Hi. Thomas: Please call me "Tom." Mrs. Doverton: And this is George. George: So, Miss Lisbon, what entertainment do you have planned for us this evening? Lisbon: Actually, a member of our team used to be in show business. He's sort of a magician, And he's going to entertain us, hopefully. Mrs. Doverton: How nice. Lisbon: Cheers. Rigsby: What? Jane: Just a smile. Van Pelt: He just smiled. Man: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jane Patrick of California Bureau Investigation Jane: Good evening. You're a very good-looking crowd. Thank you for coming this evening. You, too, back there. You look very regal up there in the window. My name is Patrick Jane. I'm from the CBI. This is an egg. Yes, I'm supposed to do magic tricks and read minds for you, but after some thought, I, decided what the hell? I don't really want to do that corny old stuff, so... Instead what I'd like to do is much cooler. I would like to transform your consciousness. Have any of you ever stopped to consider what lucky bastards you all are... If you think about all the suffering And the injustice in the world? Every second of every day there is someone somewhere crying out in pain and fear. A woman is raped. A child starves to death. A man is executed for a crime he didn't commit. But here we are. We could be standing on a roof in some bangladeshi village, waiting for the flood Waters to recede. Carl: No! Jane: But, no, here we are, in this lavish ballroom, sipping french champagne, declining the hors d'oeuvres. Thank you very much. Yes. Put your hands in the air, anyone that feels lucky. If you think you are lucky, put your hands up. That's right. We here are all blessed by fortune. If you disagree, put down your hands. If you don't think you need to express your thanks for that blessing, put down your hand. If you're not willing to write a check that will save actual lives, then please put down your hands. That's great. Very good. Okay. Now magic. You, sir, put your left hand in your Jacket pocket and take out whatever is in there and show it to everybody. Jane: Thank you. Make those checks legible. Mrs. Doverton: A novel way of raising money, I must say. Jane: The direct approach sometimes the best. Mrs. Doverton: If you'll excuse me. Lisbon: You son of a bitch. You scared the crap out of me. Jane: Please, like I don't know how to work a fat crowd of suckers. Mrs. Doverton: What? No! George: What's the matter? Mrs. Doverton: Carl's been shot. Lisbon: Bypassed the alarm system somehow, shut off the security cameras. Prints are unlikely. When was the last time you changed the lock code? George: That was a classified 5-b vault door. I was told that no one could get through it. Insurance had damn well better pay. Lisbon: Good safecracker can get through anything with the right tools and enough time. Jane: This is beautiful. Look at that. George: Excuse me. Would you stop that, please? Jane: Sure. No problem. Just having a look. Got some cool stuff in here. Very cool. You two are brothers, right? George: Indeed. It's nice to see that the case is in such perceptive hands. Jane: Can hands be perceptive? I don't think so. So is it usual that your uncle is here after closing? Thomas: He's not our uncle exactly. Jane: I'm sorry. The man having s*x with your aunt then. George: No. Thomas: No, but tonight was the benefit. Carl must have forgotten something and come back and surprised the thieves. Jane: Sure did. What's the deal with Carl and your aunt? How did they get together? George: They met four years ago at the club- The labor day senior tennis tournament. He was a pro back east. Lisbon: And they married, and he joined the family business? George: Yes, that's correct. Jane: Does your resentment of him, uh, create any tension? George: What resentment? Jane: Well, the old girl gets laid. Next thing you know, you got a new business partner. Come on. You resent him. Thomas: No. George: Carl's been a godsend, actually. A natural salesman, and he's made Esther very happy. Thomas: Yes, that's-that's the main thing. George: If I may say so, what I do very much resent Is the tone of your questioning. Lisbon: Huh. I'm sorry if we've offended you. I- Jane: No, don't say that. This is a murder investigation. I can be as hard-ass as I'd like to be, thank you. Lisbon: Actually, it's not a murder investigation yet. If Mr. Ward dies, which seems likely, it'll become a murder investigation. Jane: Yeah, well, that's right. Yeah. He's not dead. Uh, well, uh, I apologize for my rudeness. Lisbon: Let's go. Jane: Okay. Van Pelt: We get a break in the case, boss. This is last night's footage from a parking lot camera across the street. That's Doverton & Co. Back there on the right. Okay, so now we zoom in like this and...There. That's him. Then I checked the new intersection cameras the city put in to catch traffic light violations. I figured I'd look at the ones nearest to Doverton's around that time of night. Car's registered to Doyle Murphy. His sheet's a mile long, and safecracking was his specialty. I got a current address in Locke. Lisbon: Nice work, Van Pelt. Quick. It's your hook. Contact local P. D. and have them pick him up. Take Rigsby with you. Van Pelt: Thanks, boss. Jane: It's all very neat and easy. Lisbon: Sometimes it happens that way. Rigsby: Yeah. I'll take a layup anytime, thank you. Jane: Well, you guys are the professionals here, but is it usual that there is a single perpetrator for this kind of a jewelry heist? Lisbon: No, at least two. Sometimes maybe three or four. Then there's the timing of the robbery. Weren't those diamonds supposed to be picked up the next morning? Rigsby: Yeah, 10:15, right when they opened. Lisbon: Gee, you think maybe it's an inside job? Jane: Uh, yes, I do. Rigsby: Yeah, well, guess what? We're way ahead of you, 'Cause we're doing background checks on the whole Doverton staff list. Jane: My provisional bet- provisional-Carl Ward. Van Pelt: Hello? He was shot three times. Jane: Best accomplice is a dead one. Rigsby: But he's not dead. Jane: Nobody's perfect. Lisbon: That's it? Carl Ward is crooked because he got shot? Jane: He's an ex-tennis pro. Rigsby: So? Jane: Shady people, by definition, disappointed. Should be on center court, Wimbledon. Instead is tossing lobs to rich old ladies. Makes him bitter and twisted. Case closed. Jane: I'm just saying. Lisbon: Go talk to Murphy. See what he has to say about it. Jane: I'm just saying. Rigsby: Jane knows about us. I'm sure he does. Van Pelt: Why would it be so bad if people figured out we're together? Rigsby: Because.... What do you mean, why? Van Pelt: I just mean, is this it? Rigsby: What? Here? This building? Van Pelt: No, no. I mean us. Is this all it's gonna be, sneaking around all the time, afraid someone's gonna find out? Rigsby: No, it's just the bureau rules. The rules are the rules, right? Van Pelt: Maybe I'm sick of the rules. Rigsby: Thar she blows. Van Pelt: You don't want to talk about it, huh? Rigsby: No, I do, just not here, not on the job. Van Pelt: We'll have to talk about it sometime. Rigsby: Yeah. Soon. Rigsby: CBI. I'd like to know about the, uh, resident who owns the blue beater there. Guard: Murphy? Pays his rent, makes no trouble. What'd he do? Van Pelt: Has he had any visitors recently? Guard: No. Oh, wait. Yeah, couple hours ago. Big guy in a cowboy hat, pimped-out truck. Stayed... five minutes, split. Rigsby: Does Murphy's room have any rear exit of any kind? A window? Guard: Nope. What did he do? Rigsby: Mr. Murphy? State agents. We need to talk to you. Mr. Murphy?! Van Pelt: Mr. Murphy?! Rigsby: Nobody ... I guess that lets Carl Ward off the hook then, huh? Rigsby: Ballistics owes me, expedited the report. This gun was used to shoot both Doyle Murphy and Carl Ward. There were no jewels in the room or the car no prints on the gun. Lisbon: Start going through all of Murphy's known associates. We're looking for a cowboy in a fancy truck. Rigsby: Kind of a thin trail. Murphy's a career criminal. He has a lot of associates. Jane: Hmm. Maybe I can help. Lisbon: Just maybe? Feeling unsure about yourself, are you? Don't let one wrong hunch throw you. Jane: Well, "a, " we don't know yet that I'm wrong about Ward, and "b, " bring the motel desk clerk in. Maybe he can recall a little more detail than he thinks about this cowboy. Jane: Can you see him? What's he doing? Guard: He's getting out of the truck. And he's walking across the forecourt to Murphy's room. Jane: Can you read the license plate on the truck? Guard: No. Jane: Look closer. Guard: No, I can't. It's blocked. Jane: What's he wearing? Guard: Cowboy hat, brown. Black jeans. Sunglasses, aviator style. Jane: That's very good, Marty. What else can you see? He's wearing a T-shirt with a bulldog on the front, under it, "true blue." Rigsby: Donald Culpepper? Donald: Who the hell are you? Tsst! Quiet. Rigsby: I have reason to believe that you visited with Doyle Murphy At the starlite motor court. Is that correct? Donald: That's partially correct. I went to see him. He wasn't there so I left. Rigsby: Why'd you go see him? Donald: Social visit. Catching up. He was married to my sister. Van Pelt: We have sad news. Your ex-brother-in-law is dead. Donald: I'm in shock. How'd that happen? Van Pelt: He was shot. Any idea who might want to do that? Donald: No. Van Pelt: How about you? Donald: I have nothing but love for Murph. Why would you think otherwise? Rigsby: Well, because we read your rap sheet. You're a professional criminal implicated in several murders. Donald: I'm a dynamic businessman who pushes the envelope. Anybody can imply anything. It's another thing to make it stick. Rigsby: Yeah. Get out. We need to continue this conversation downtown. Lisbon: Thanks. Jane: I deduce from the irritated tone of your phone conversation that I was right about Carl Ward. Lisbon: Half right. Jane: Go on. Lisbon: His real name's Carl Wysocki. He was in jail for kiting checks. He's got an ex-wife in Bayonne, New Jersey, who's owed $90,000 in back alimony. Jane: Half? Mrs. Doverton: So he changed his name. What of it? Lisbon: Did you know about the jail time? Mrs. Doverton: Yes, of course I did. Lisbon: And the ex-wife? Mrs. Doverton: Of course. He told me everything. Jane: Mm, liar. Bad liar. Mrs. Doverton: How dare you. Jane: Well, it's a compliment to your character. You rather be a good liar? Hmm? Mrs. Doverton: I knew everything about Carl's past. Lisbon: We're glad he told you, Ma'am, because we have to consider the possibility that he was somehow involved in the jewel heist and double-crossed. His honesty with you makes him far less of a suspect. Mrs. Doverton: Do you have anything further? My husband needs me. Lisbon: No, Ma'am. Thank you. Jane: How's he doing? Mrs. Doverton: He'll live. They were going to bring him out of sedation tomorrow. Jane: Excellent. Cho: Why did you visit with Doyle Murphy? Donald: I didn't. He wasn't home. Cho: If he had been home, what would you have said to him? Donald: "Give me my money." Cho: He owed you. How much? Donald: 200 grand and change. He comes out of incarceration this last bit he did and needed to go into rehab. Junkie son of a gun was there over a month on my dime. Cho: That's very generous of you. Donald: Nah. What am I gonna do? At the time- this was two years back- He's married to my sister. Moron. Cho: Then he kicks your sister to the curb after some domestic violence problems. And he still owes you 200 grand. Donald: One-my sister is a goblin shark. Freakin' Gandhi would take a pop at her. I got no beef with Doyle over that, believe me. And two-this money is what I'm telling ya. Why would I kill a guy who owes me that much money? Cho: Because he just made a very big score. Donald: Is that right? Cho: Yes, it is. Maybe you decided to take what was owed you And a little bit more. Donald: What score is this? Doverton's? Cho: You heard about that. Donald: Was on the TV. Nice work. Doyle did that? Wow. Cho: Did you ever own a beretta 950? Donald: As a matter of fact, I did use to have one of those. I didn't like the balance. I sold it to Doyle. Why? Lisbon: Well, I don't care what you're gonna say. I like him for it. Jane: What do you mean, you don't care what I have to say? Lisbon: He's obvious, so you're gonna say he's not the guy, because that would be boring. Jane: No, he looks good for it, superficially, at least. I was merely to say and we need to find out the links between him and doyleate and someone inside Doverton's. Lisbon: I thought Carl Ward was your man on the inside. Jane: No. I-I noted that he was a tennis pro And extrapolated from there. Lisbon: No. No, you said he was the guy. Jane: Well, if you recall- Van Pelt: Guys. I mean, boss. I think I found the link you're talking about. The old footage from the store's security cameras is saved on a hard drive off-site. I figured if Murphy had been casing the store, I could find him on the old footage. Lisbon: Who's that? Van Pelt: I'll enhance it. Jane: Oh. Wow. Lisbon: Tom Doverton. [SCENE_BREAK] Thomas: It's a customer, I guess. I'm talking to a customer. Van Pelt: That's the man who robbed your family's store and shot your uncle. Are you sure you don't know him? Because you're talking like you're old friends. Thomas: No. I'm just helping a customer with their purchase. That's all. Van Pelt: And you've never seen that man before? Thomas: No. Van Pelt: And you don't know the name "Doyle Murphy"? Thomas: No. Cho: The kid's aunt and brother are here with a lawyer. Lisbon: Darn. We haven't gotten anywhere with him yet. Cho: You want me to stall 'em? Lisbon: It's best just to cut him loose. He's denying everything anyway. Unless we can make some connection to Culpepper and Doyle we've got nothing to hold him on. Cho: Okay. Lisbon: You go and ask Culpepper about Tom. I'll deal with the family. Lisbon: You can take Tom home now. We just had a couple of questions we needed to ask him. Mrs. Doverton: What questions? Lisbon: I'm sure he'll fill you in on the details. Mrs. Doverton: Well, I'd appreciate it if next time you wish to speak to a member of my family, you call me first. Lisbon: I'm sorry, ma'am. That's not our practice. Can I walk you to the elevator? Jane: You do know why I'm letting you go, don't you? Donald: Let me guess. I'm innocent. Jane: No, I figured you're stupid. Donald: Is that so? Jane: Yeah. Either you really didn't know That Doyle was gonna actually rob the jewelry store- Stupid innocent- Or you did know and you're gonna lead us to a clue- Stupid guilty. Donald: You should be more careful how you talk to people. Jane: Yeah, figure I'm pretty safe here. I mean, what are you gonna do? Donald: You think I care where we are? Jane: Go ahead. Do something, you miserable little sadist. Hello, Lisbon. Hi, Dovertons. Lisbon: What's going on, Jane? Jane: I'm just letting Mr. Culpepper go. We don't need him for anything, do we? Do we? Donald: Sometime, when you least expect it, I'll find you. Jane: You, uh... George: We'll wait for the next one. Jane: All right. So long, partner. Happy trails. Lisbon: Okay, what the hell was that? Jane: What was what? Lisbon: Letting Donny Culpepper go. You have no right whatsoever to make those kind of decisions. Jane: Well, you weren't gonna keep him here. On what? For what? He wasn't gonna talk. Be honest. Lisbon: I could have held him on the weapons charge. Jane: Oh, please- Lisbon: Stop. There's principle involved. Don't think I don't know what you're doing. Jane: What are you talking about? Lisbon: Showing the Dovertons to Donny Culpepper. You wanted to see if he recognized one of them, didn't you? Jane: You watch too much TV. I just thought there was no reason to keep Donny Culpepper here. Lisbon: Now that's just annoying. You're not even putting any effort into the lie. Rigsby: Hey, boss. Coroner's here. She's got something to show us. Jane: Wow, that's really beautiful. Coroner: I found it in Doyle Murphy's lower intestine. My supposition is that he swallowed it in an attempt to get a larger share of the loot before it was divided with any partners. Rigsby: Yeah, I guess Murphy misread that situation, huh? Lisbon: Did you find anything else surprising in there other than that? Coroner: Just that. Oh ! Lisbon: What the hell was that? Jane: Uh, I, um... Had a hunch that it was a fake. Guess I'm wrong about that. Lisbon: Uh, yeah. Where is it? Jane: Well, the good news is it's not out there. So it's in here somewhere. I'll find it. Anyone see a little, uh... Nope? Lisbon: There's gotta be a connection between Doyle Murphy and Tom Doverton. Yeah, but what was it? What would bring those two together? Rigsby: They have nothing in common. Van Pelt: What are you guys looking for? Rigsby: A diamond. Cho: What'd he do? Rigsby: Hit it with a fire extinguisher. Cho: Of course. Jane: I got it! Lisbon: Oh, thank god. Where was it? Jane: No, I got where Doyle and Tom connect. Doyle was in rehab. Lisbon: Yes, and Tom Doverton does look the rehab type. Van Pelt, find out where Doyle went to rehab. Keep looking. Jane: Don't worry. This is the justice department. Who's gonna steal it here? Lisbon: You be quiet! Jane: All right. Director: Windward Clarity has the highest ratio of staff-to-patient of any facility in the state. Our philosophy mixes traditional western practices with spiritual aspects of the east. Now may I ask which one of you needs our help, or is it both of you? Lisbon: Actually, we just wanted ... Jane: It's her. Lisbon: No ! Jane: Oh, darling, please. Can we just this once do it my way?Just once? Thank you. In the beginning, it was just social, but, uh, well, more recently, uh... It's been starting to worry both of us. Right, darling? Director: Right this way. I'll introduce you to one of our intake specialists. Jane: Fantastic. Oh, uh, that's the office. I'm gonna have to take this. Uh, baby, you go ahead, take a look. I'll be five minutes. I'll be right there. Look after her. I'm very proud of you. Director: I understand your nervousness. Jane: I love you. Director: It's completely natural. But you've already taken the first step in recognizing... Director: Our kitchen is capable of preparing food for any diet. And of course, we have a pair of on-site nutritionists. Um, your husband is taking quite a long time. Lisbon: You should understand- he's not really my husband. Director: Oh, that's quite all right. We're not judgmental about such things here. Lisbon: That's not what I mean. Jane: Whoa. Uppers and downers. Uppers and- You're so rock 'n' roll, doctor. Director: That is private material. Doctor-patient privilege is sacrosanct. Jane: Yes, I know. That's why we did it this way. This is a murder investigation. We can be as hard-ass as we want. I found it- The, uh, patient roster for the first two weeks of Doyle Murphy's stay. Guess who his acting sponsor was when he first arrived? Lisbon: Tom Doverton? Jane: No. George. Lisbon: The brother? Jane: Yeah. Direcotr: I will be calling your superiors. Jane: You know, a lot of people say that to me, and you know what I say? I say ... Lisbon: Let's go. Come on. Jane: Get some help, doc. That stuff will kill you. Thomas: George isn't here. He's already left. He's not guilty, you know. Lisbon: How'd you know we were coming? Thomas: The director of the clinic called. He told us what you'd done. George was in rehab with Doyle Murphy-that's true. But that's all that it was. Lisbon: So you're saying if we dig, we won't find any more contact between George and Doyle? Thomas: He came into the store. A guy like that at doverton & company? I mean... come on. If my aunt found out... Lisbon: We need to talk to George. Thomas: He's gone. Jane: Oh, really? Uh, I think he's hiding behind the door. George? George, come out. George: I'm sorry, Tom. You were just trying to help, but we both know there's no hiding from something like this. I had nothing to do with the robbery or Doyle Murphy's murder. I only lied to protect my aunt from... The shame of my addiction. Tom, call Dicky Purcell. Tell him to meet me at the CBI offices. Thomas: Okay. Lisbon: After you. Customer: Excuse me. Do you work here? George: Uh, certainly, sir. Um, how can I help you? Customer: My wife-it's her birthday. George: Of course. Of course. Uh, Michelle? Michelle here would be happy to help you. Customer:Thank you. Deliverer: Mr. Doverton? George: Yeah. Deliverer: I need a signature for this. George: There you go. Lisbon: "You'll get a call in 2 hours. Take the jewels where you are told. No cops or your aunt dies." Rigsby: She's gone. George: Oh, god. Tom: Why would anybody kidnap aunt Esther? Lisbon: Someone thinks your brother was partners with Doyle Murphy. George: Well, you think so. Why shouldn't everyone else? Rigsby: Donny Culpepper. George: What? Who's Donny Culpepper? Lisbon: You saw him when we were waiting for the elevator. Jane: Doyle Murphy owed him a lot of money. He might think that that debt transfers with the diamonds. George: Okay, but we don't have the diamonds. Jane: Well, he doesn't know that. George: Well, you have to go arrest him right away. Lisbon: That's what we're trying to do, Mr. Doverton. Agent Van Pelt is working with local police as we speak. We're pursuing several leads. Thomas: But the note says no police. Rigsby: Well, it's a little late for that. George: Whoa. What are you gonna do? How are you gonna get our aunt back? Lisbon: We'll do everything we can to find her. In the meantime, when the kidnappers call, you have to try and stall them. Rigsby: Take that. Okay. George: Okay. Jane: It's almost time. You ready? Rigsby: Yeah, ready. Jane: And you? George: I don't know. Jane: Just stay calm. Keep the kidnapper on the line and keep him calm. Rigsby: Remember, keep going as long as you can, okay? Jane: Headphones? Rigsby: Yeah, other room. Here we go. George: Hello? Kidnapper: Do you have the jewels ready? George: How do I know you have my aunt? I-I demand to Kidnapper: No. You don't demand anything. You shut up and you listen. George: I-I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I just need proof before Kidnapper: Proof? I'll give you proof. Esther: Hello? George? George: Esther, are you all right? Kidnapper: There. That's your proof. If you want to see her alive again, you're gonna bring me the diamonds. George: I-I-I... I-I can't do that. I-I... Rigsby: Got it. Kidnapper: You think this is some kind of a game? George: No! No. I-I'm sorry. Kidnapper: Are you gonna give me the jewels? George: I-I... I don't have the jewels. I'm trying to tell you. Kidnapper: All right, then. This is your decision. George: Aunt Esther ! Kidnapper: You're next. Now I'm coming for you. George: Oh, my god. Jane: Stay right there. Thomas: Hello? Kidnapper: Where are the jewels, Tom? We both know you have 'em. Thomas: They're going to catch you. They're going to get you right now. Kidnapper: No, no, no. I'm gonna get you, Tom. I know everything about you. Yeah, Doyle Murphy told me everything. Thomas: Screw you. I'll give you $50,000,50 grand to leave me and my brother alone. Kidnapper: Oh, you think you're so tough. You give me what I want, or I will come and take it from you. Thomas: I'll make it $75,000, but no more. I'm not giving up the diamonds. Kidnapper: You stupid, rich brat. You think you can dictate terms? Jane: Not this time, Tom. Not this time. I'm gonna make you pay and pay. Thomas: You try it. You try it, and you see what happens. Jane: Tough guy, huh? You're gonna give me the same thing you gave to Doyle Murphy? Thomas: That's right. You push me hard enough, and you'll see. Jane: Okay. Thanks, Tom. That's great. Rigsby: Got it all on tape. You're going down. Give me the phone. Hands behind your back. You're under arrest for the murder of Doyle Murphy. Let's go. Jane: Like a charm. Jane: Ah, tea. Lovely. Lisbon: Mrs. Doverton? I'm sorry, but we've had to mislead you a little to solve this crime. I'm afraid I've got some difficult news. Your nephew Tom was involved in this robbery. Mrs. Doverton: Tom... Jane: Oh, hey, Carl. Welcome back. Carl: Where am I? Jane: In the hospital. You just came out of an induced coma. Can I ask you a question? Carl: What happened to me? Who are you? Jane: Never mind that. Tell me- Esther Doverton- It was all a scam, right? You just wanted to cash in with a rich, old broad. Carl: Excuse me? Jane: Oh, come on. You don't need to be coy with me. It was a great score. Plus, she's, uh, she's pretty good-looking, which is an added bonus with these kind of scams. Carl: Are you talking about my wife? Who the hell do you think you are? Jane: Wouldn't that be a better question for me to ask you, Mr. Wysocki? Carl: So that's it. Jane: Had to end sometime. You had a pretty good run. And you know what? Between you and me, I think you could squeeze a little more nickel out of this poor old bat. What do you think? Carl: Don't you talk about her like that. That woman is the only good thing that's ever happened to me. I love her. Jane: You sure about that? Carl: Shut up and get out of here, you son of a- Jane: Okay. All right. Gotcha. Told you he loves you. Mrs. Doverton: What are you trying to do, kill yourself? Carl: I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Jane: A long time ago, that might have been a frog or a fern or a dinosaur. Then it died, turned into coal and- Rigsby: Yeah, I know. I did first grade geology, too. Jane: Well, I'm just saying, it's, uh, just compressed carbon to me. If you want to keep it, I never saw a thing. Rigsby: What? Get outta here. I wasn't even thinking about that. Jane: Well, if you say so. Rigsby: Seriously, you'd let me just walk out of here with this? Jane: Do you want to? Rigsby: No, of course not. I mean, yes, I'm tempted. Jane: Okay, then. Put it in your pocket. Rigsby: This is a trap, isn't it? Jane: Are you nuts? What do I care about your integrity? Rigsby: Oh, yeah, trap. Okay. Jane: Oh, uh, Grace. Rigsby put something in your pocket. Van Pelt: What? Houah !! Rigsby: H-he's messing with you. Jane: Oh, it's compressed carbon. If you want to keep it... I don't know about Rigsby, but, uh, I wouldn't tell a soul.	Plan: A: a black tie fundraiser; Q: Where was Carl Ward attending when he was nearly killed? A: a wealthy jeweler; Q: What is Carl Ward's profession? A: a robbery; Q: What was Carl Ward shot and nearly killed at his jewelry store during? A: an alias; Q: What was Carl Ward using to hide his identity? A: a criminal record; Q: What did Carl Ward have that made him a prime suspect? A: safe cracker Doyle Murphy; Q: Who is seen on a security camera? A: so Jane and Lisbon search; Q: What do Jane and Lisbon do to find a link between Doyle Murphy and Carl Ward? A: rehab; Q: Where was Doyle Murphy's sponsor? A: the CBI team; Q: Who fakes the kidnapping of Esther? A: Tom Doverton; Q: Who is Esther's nephew? A: his guilt; Q: What does Tom Doverton admit to the CBI team? A: custody; Q: What is Tom Doverton taken into? A: the hospital; Q: Where does Esther's husband recover? A: Van Pelt; Q: Who does Rigsby struggle with announcing their relationship to? Summary: While attending a black tie fundraiser for the CBI, Carl Ward -- a wealthy jeweler and husband of CBI sponsor Esther Doverton -- is shot and nearly killed at their jewelry store during a robbery. It is revealed that Carl was using an alias and had a criminal record, making him the prime suspect. However, safe cracker Doyle Murphy is seen on a security camera, so Jane and Lisbon search for a link between the two. They discover that one of Esther's nephews was Murphy's sponsor at rehab. By faking the kidnapping of Esther, the CBI team tricks her nephew Tom Doverton into admitting his guilt as he talks on the phone to a person who he believes is the kidnapper. He is taken into custody and Esther's husband recovers in the hospital. Throughout the episode, Rigsby and Van Pelt struggle with the thought of announcing their relationship.
Scene 1: Russell's mansion - Talbot, Tara, Franklin, Russell, Bill, Lorena Talbot: Mm, spicy. Who's a pretty girl? Huh? You're a pretty girl. You're pretty. Yes, you are. Franklin: Piss off. Talbot: I know it's not too good to be all matchy-matchy, but you and your... Dusky little bloodbeast are totally at odds with my decor. Your... Franklin: Well, nobody cares what you think about anything. Shut up. Tara: I'm awful sorry. Franklin: No, you're not. Talbot: Oh, good girl. Franklin: Just ignore him. He's the cleaning lady. Talbot: Psycho fugly thug. Russell, Bill and Lorena arrives. Tara: Bill? Credit Lorena: You know him? Tara: I thought I did. Bill: Why is she here? Russell: Why is she here? Franklin: She wants to be with me. Talbot: Hence the restraints. Talbot: She's mine. Lorena: Relax. Nobody wants her. Bill: Certainly not I. Talbot: Why is he here? Franklin: Because I have a present for you, sir. Russell: Please. Talbot: You're not supposed to bring work home. Russell: Darling, king. Franklin, you never disappoint. Shall we retire to the study? Russell and Franklin leave. Tara: What is going on here? What's wrong with you? Lorena: Yes, Bill. Your behavior is somewhat erratic. Tara: Help me. Bill: No. Bill and Lorena leave. In Russell's desk room: Russell: As always, the deposit will go to your trust account. Franklin: But I want cash. Russell: Last time you had any real money you ended up at the slots in Biloxi, slaughtering a group of elderly women. Franklin: They wouldn't let me have a turn. Russell: Why are you dragging another girl around? So sloppy. I'm tired of cleaning up after you. Franklin: This is one is spectacularly different. Russell: Hm. Franklin: She's such a fcking disaster. We could be twins. The attraction is electric. Russell: Franklin, you're a huge freak. But I like your work. Bill Compton is lying to me. Franklin: Yes, sir. Russell: Who keeps a dossier on his human? Why would he care about her family tree? Sophie Anne's overstated perfume is all over this. Franklin: That's what I thought. Russell: She's already escaped us once, this barmaid. Franklin: Send a wolf, what'd you expect? Russell: Maybe I should send you back to Bon Temps to acquire Sookie Stackhouse. Franklin: I don't have to go anywhere. She's in Jackson. In the corridor: Lorena: I'll let you play your little game of hard to get. You're gonna be that mh sweeter when you're mine again. Bill: You know, Russell was right. You're not very smart. You played yourself into a corner, you tiresome cow. Scene 2: Alcide's car - Sookie, Alcide Sookie: What happened back there? Why were they all shifting? You almost shifted. Alcide: Couldn't help it. When that energy starts rolling, it takes you over. We're lucky we got out of there alive. fck! Sookie: I know it was terrible... Alcide: You don't know anything. Sookie: If you don't slow down, you're gonna kill us. And I am not gonna die because of your shitty girlfriend and a Mississippi pothole! I had to be mean to make you listen. I'm sorry. Alcide: She wasn't always shitty. We were great together. When she wasn't drinking or cheating. She used to play horseshoes with my dad, help my mom plant tomatoes. Sookie: But tonight she was half-naked in a wolf skin, getting branded. Tell me more about Russell Edgington. Alcide: He's just some rich vampire. That's all I knew till tonight. Sookie: I gotta talk to him. Alcide: Are you out of your fcking mind? Sookie: The brand, the blood, the vampire. He knows where Bill is, or he knows who knows. Alcide: I promised Eric I'd keep you out of trouble. You ain't going near him, Sookie. Scene 3: Russell's mansion - Talbot, Eric, Bill Eric: This is completely unnecessary. I told you I come in peace. Talbot: Hello. Have we met? Eric: Eric Northman, sheriff, Louisiana Area 5. I've come to see the king. Talbot: Talbot, royal consort. Permit me to facilitate. Russell! Let him go, you idiots. Eric: Thank you. In the dining room: Eric: I humbly request permission to hunt your territory for the vampire missing from my area. Russell: I appreciate your courtesy, Eric. It's very old-world. Talbot: Nobody has manners anymore. It was all so beautiful once. Russell: Your fugitive, what's his name again? Eric: Bill Compton. I'm responsible for him, and, uh, I'm ashamed to admit it, but he's wanted for selling vampire blood. Russell: Oh, no, no. That's heinous. Are you sure? Let's ask him. Talbot: Voilà. He's not missing, and he's way too square to deal V. Bill: You tried to pin that on me? Russell: We all know it's your queen behind this, Northman. Bill: And that you did the selling for her. Russell: You see, Mr. Compton has accepted a position in my court and therefore keeps nothing from me. Eric: Oh... You're here of your own accord. Which means... Bill: Sookie is no longer mine. Eric: Oh. Russell: A king in front of them, a queen behind them, and they're talking about a human girl. Talbot: Men. Eric: Your Majesty... I confess. I sold the blood at my queen's command and accused Bill to protect her. So, what do I do now? Unless I give the Magister Compton, he'll murder my progeny. Talbot: Darling, so sad. Russell: The Magister is a nasty little... Anachronistic toad, a ridiculous remnant of the Middle Ages. The only power he has over us is the power we give him. There may be a way to solve all our problems. Sleep here. Talbot: You're more than welcome. Eric: How can I refuse? Scene 4: Alcide's house - Alcide, Debbie, Sookie Alcide: You can't just walk back in here. Give me my key. Debbie: Shut up! Don't tell me what to do! It's my fcking key, and I'll use it whenever I want! Alcide: You walked out on me. You got no right. Debbie: We'd still be together if you weren't so weak! Alcide: Keep it down. Debbie: Don't tell me to keep it down! Because I don't give a sh1t about the neighbors! I'm here to save your fcking life. Alcide: Liar. You drug addict. You sold your soul to a vamp. I saw you. Debbie: He's more than a vamp. Oh, you ignorant redneck. If he knew what you saw... Alcide: fck him. Debbie: I'm warning you... If anybody finds out what went on at Lou Pine's... (Sookie arrives) That's your neighbor? Oh, hell, no. Alcide: She got nothing to do with this. Debbie: You're fcking my wolf, bitch. In my house. Debbie's thoughts: Like I did with Coot and Roy and Bobby and Travis. Sookie: Like you did with Coot and Roy and Bobby and Travis. Debbie: What'd you say to me, whore? Alcide: I'm still strong enough to throw you out, blood or no blood. Sookie: No, I'm not sleeping with him. But you traded this good person who loves you for a shot of V, that burn on your back, and a dumb biker who's half the man and half the wolf that Alcide is. Debbie: I will fck you up! I will cut you! Alcide: Sookie, back off. Sookie: Where is Bill Compton? Debbie's thought: Who the hell is Bill Compton? Scene 5: Franklin's room in Russell's mansion - Franklin, Tara Franklin: Do you like your new gown? Tara: Oh, yes. Franklin: I picked it out especially for my lover. Tara: Thank you so much. Franklin: Even when I'm away from you, I can feel your flesh molded to me. That's how close we are now. Tara: That's really sweet. Franklin: I know. Almost forgot. You have a text message. "Bitch, where are you?" You said no boyfriends. Who is he? Who's Lafayette? I'll rip your throat out. Tara: He's my cousin. And he's... And he's gay. Franklin: Oh. Well, how do I get rid of him? How about, um, "I'm busy, bitch"? No, "bitch." He wrote "bitch." Too many "bitches." "Hooker"? In his other messages, he calls you "hooker." "Hooker." No, "hookah." That's a water pipe. Tara: T-T-Tell him I'm okay. Say, "Trust me, mtherfcker." Franklin: Tr... "Trust me, mtherfcker." Brilliant. Hey, Tara, watch how fast I type "mtherfcker." It's cool, right? Tara: Yeah. A-Amazing. Franklin: I'll delete it so you can watch again. Look. Look at me. Love you. Scene 6: Police station - Kevin, Kenya, Jason, Andy Kevin: I'm a fan of the regular mulch, myself. Kenya: Oh, that's good for everyday, but I love that red mulch. Yeah. I use it in all my flowerbeds. It would look so good by your wishing well. Kevin: I don't know. That seems kind of wild. Jason arrives. Jason: Oh. Morning, Kenya. Morning, Kevin. Kenya: Morning. Kevin: Morning. What you doing here? Jason: What am I doing? I'm here to work. Kevin: Really? Jason: Mm-HM. Chomping at the bit. Point me at the crime scene and let's go get her. Kenya: Acting Sheriff Andy Bellefleur, would you come out here, please? Andy: Can it wait? I was just going to the restroom. Andy: Morning, boss. I'm ready for my first day. Kevin: I guess this means you find my performance inadequate. Andy: I will if you don't get out there to the corner and cross them little kids to school. Kenya: What's going on, Andy? Why does Jason Stackhouse need a desk in the Sheriff's Department? Andy: Nobody else is using it. What do you care? Why don't you run those folders in the conference room over to the courthouse? Please, Deputy Jones. Jason: I don't want a desk. I wanna be out in the field, where it's real. That's where I shine. Andy: This ain't magic, Jason. You gotta learn the ropes. Trust me, I'm pushing you through fast as I can. Now, Rosie's home with female pains, so for now, you're in charge of the phones. Jason: Can I at least have a uniform? Andy: Let me get right on that. Scene 7: On the road - Joe Lee, Sam, Tommy, Melinda, Terry, Arlene Sam: Easy. Joe Lee: He's just showing me how strong he is. Makes me proud. Tommy: Yeah. Sam: Hey, watch it. That's your damn father. Tommy: I know exactly who he is. Melinda: Oh, it's nothing. It's a little game they ought to play in private. Joe Lee: He'll make it up to me. Won't you, boy? Sam: Maybe you need to talk amongst yourselves, all right? Melinda: Y'all listen to Sam. He's always got the good ideas. Joe Lee: No. Tommy: It's all been said. Terry: Hey, Sam. Sam. Sam: Hey. Look at you. You doing what I think you're doing? Terry: Yup. Yes, sir. Me, Terry Bellefleur... I'm moving in with Arlene Fowler. Sam: Ha. Congratulations. You're cracking my ribs, buddy. Hey, hey. Hey, now, it's gonna be okay. I mean, sure, it's scary. She's a little crazy, but so are... Is everybody, you know? Don't worry. Terry: I ain't worried. I've never been so not worried. This is what normal people do, Sam. They fall in love. They make each other laugh. And they move in together. They raise kids. They fight over money. They get old and fat together, and it's normal. And it's happening to me. I can't believe it. Sam: Well, I can. Nobody deserves it more. Arlene: Baby? I don't feel too good today, okay? I ain't cleaned nothing, I ain't cleared nothing out. Terry: I'm the luckiest man in the world. Coming, honey. Man: You be careful with that. Arlene: Oh, no, no. We can't be kissing right now. Just put that in the living room. Sam: Happy for you, Arlene. Arlene: Thank you, Sam. Oh, God. I never thought it would happen again. And again. And again. And that other time too. But especially now. Oh. Oh, sweet Jesus, I am a hurting gator. Sam: Hey, you know, uh... Hey, Joe Lee. I got these tenants here. You could be my on-site handyman. Arlene: Handyman? Oh, I got a list as long as my leg. Joe Lee: Well, if it don't hurt my back. Melinda: He'd love to. Sam: Time for work, bro. Joe Lee: Have a great day, Sam. Scene 8: Franklin's room - Tara, Franklin Franklin is sleeping. Tara is trying to cut her cord. Scene 9: Alcide's house - Alcide, Sookie Alcide's thoughts: It's gone too far and it's picking up speed. I gotta tell the packmaster everything. Alcide: Gonna run errands. Won't take long. Sookie: What's a packmaster? Alcide: Goddamn it. Sookie: I gotta do what I gotta do. Alcide: This is Were business. It's against all our laws to tell you anything. Sookie: I've been listening to dark, private thoughts since I was a little girl. Keeping secrets is how I survive, Alcide. Alcide: No. Sookie: Then I'll have to dig it out of your head, and I really don't like to do that. Alcide: Pack isn't a democracy. Most Weres don't have much sense. You saw. They're all teeth and fight and sx. Packmaster's our Alpha. He makes the big decisions, keeps the rest of us in line. Sookie: How much does your packmaster know about last night? Alcide: That's what I have to find out. Then he'll tell us what to do. Sookie: I'm coming along. Alcide: I am not breaking any more rules for you. Sookie: Then you might as well invite Debbie over to tear me up, 'cause that's what she's gonna try to do. Work with me, Alcide. It gets easier. Scene 10: Police station - Jason, Kevin, Kenya Kevin: I'll take the car accident on Euclid. Kenya: I'll take the vandalism over at the High School. Jason: What do I do? Kenya: File that for me, will you, babe? Andy: Stackhouse! You're driving me nuts. Jason: I can't work a desk no more, Andy. It's sucking the life out of me. I need a cold case. I need a special assignment. I need some fcking thing to do right fcking now or I'll blow up like a M80 and take this whole place with me. Andy: Don't worry. I'll give you just what you need. Scene 11: Russell's mansion - Tara, Coot Tara gets out of the house. She runs in the woods but a werewolf stops her; it's Coot. Scene 12: Merlotte's - Lafayette, Tommy, Jesus Lafayette: Suck on that thing. Don't play with it. There you go. Now, this here cigarillo is called a Macanudo Ascot. But my personal favorite, boyfriend, is the Schimmelpenninck panatella. Tommy: I don't care what they call it. It tastes like sh1t. Lafayette: Pussy. Jesus: Lafayette. Lafayette: Tommy, can you go inside for me, please? Tommy: I got five more minutes. Lafayette: Get, please. Tommy go at Merlotte's. Jesus: How you doing? Lafayette: What happened to her? Jesus: Excuse me? Lafayette: You ain't got to be gentle, Jesus. She hated me and I hated her. Just tell me how she died. Jesus: What, your mom? Lafayette: Yeah. Jesus: Oh, God, man, no, no, no. Of course you'd think that. I'm such a...idiot. I should have told you from the start. She's good. She, uh... She threw her breakfast in my face yesterday. Lafayette: Well, th-that's good, I guess. It's her style, for sure. So, what are you doing here at Merlotte's? Jesus: Uh... I came by to see you. Lafayette: Somebody been talking to you? You heard a conversation with my name in it? Because whatever was said, it ain't fcking true. And you best not tell nobody for your own fcking sake, you feel me? Huh? Jesus: Look, man, it's... It's my day off. I just thought that maybe you'd like to go watch a movie or something. Lafayette: Me? Jesus: Yeah. You don't want to. You know what? Forget about it. I don't even know why... It's a bad idea anyway. Lafayette: No, no. It's just that I-I'm working. Jesus: Till when? Lafayette: Eleven. Jesus: Eleven. Lafayette: I would go with you, but, um... Jesus: No, I get it. Lafayette: I'm going inside now. Jesus: Okay. Lafayette: What are you doing? Jesus: I'll hang. It's only nine hours. Nothing else to do. After you. Lafayette: Oh, Lordy. Scene 13: On the road - Sookie, Alcide, packmaster (the colonel) Alcide: Colonel Flood, if these were ordinary Were junkies scoring on the street, I wouldn't be here, but they're organized and drinking from the source. Sookie was there. She can back me up. Colonel: You'll be disciplined for exposing us to a human, Alcide. Alcide; Yes, sir. Sookie: It's not his fault. We only wanted to tell you what we saw. Colonel: I already know all about it. Sookie: Then you have a plan? Alcide: Whatever it is, I support you, sir, a hundred percent. Colonel: Do nothing, tell no one. Alcide: How's that help the pack? Sookie: Russell Edgington... Colonel: There's nothing I can do about him. He's the goddamn vampire king of Mississippi. Sookie: Bill. Alcide: Colonel Flood, that gang is recruiting. We can't just sit back and let some f anger pick us off one by one. Colonel: Edgington is ancient. He's had a pack of Weres serving him for centuries all over the world. Now he's on our doorstep. We gonna be smart. Let him do what he wants to do until he goes away. Alcide: If he's part of our history, you should have told us about him. Colonel: I am saving us from extinction. Alcide: I'd rather be extinct than slave to a dead man. Colonel's thoughts: He'll kill us all. Maybe I'll just leave town. I'm scared shitless. Show no rear. Colonel: Don't question your packmaster, boy. Alcide: Colonel Flood, we gotta do something. Sookie: Let him go. He can't help. He's afraid. Sookie: Bullshit. Alcide, obey. Sookie: It wasn't bullshit. Alcide: I know. I trust you. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 14: On the road - Jason, Crystal Jason washes the police cars. Jason: I'll give you what you need. Goddamn piece of sh1t. He sees Crytal pass in a car. He follows her. Jason: Son of a bitch. Now what? License and registration. Crystal: What for? What'd I do? Jason: We can discuss that further at a point in time according to regulations. License, registration and your insurance card. Crystal: I don't think so. Jason: Oh, you'd better. I'm a cop. Crystal: I don't think you are a cop. Jason: Are you resisting me? Because if you are please observe the official police vehicle where I came out of. Crystal: Where's your badge? Where's your gun? Where's your shirt? Jason: Yeah, all right, all rig. It's no secret. I'm a deputy sheriff liaison, which means I'm in training. But I'll be a cop real soon. Real soon. So give me your ID. Crystal: Nope. Jason: Please? Crystal: You don't give up, do you? Jason: No, ma'am, I don't. Why were you crying the first time I saw you? Crystal: I wasn't crying. I never cry. Jason: I'm Jason Stackhouse, and I wanna know you. Crystal: Yeah. Uh-huh. But since you're not gonna write me a ticket, because you're a fake policeman, and I got milk and mayonnaise in the back, well... Jason: Well, at least tell me your name. Crystal: Crystal. Jason: Crystal. Well... A-And your phone number. Crystal: No phone. Jason: Everybody has a phone. Crystal: I don't. Jason: Meet me tonight at Merlotte's. Crystal: Can't do it. Jason: I'll be there, Crystal. Scene 15: Merlotte's - Sam, Jessica, Arlene, Tommy, Hoyt, Summer Client: Excuse me, can you hand me them peanuts? Thanks. Jessica: Hey, how's your first night going? Tommy: I'd rather carry crap than change tires. Jessica: Well, that's great. Hey, looks like it's fixing to be a busy night. Arlene: Well, it's always a busy night when you're the only waitress in Merlotte's. Jessica: Arlene. Arlene: Yes? Jessica: How come you never look me in the eye? Arlene: Because I do not care to be hypnotized. Which is apparently what you walking dead people like to do. Jessica: Hi there. Welcome to Merlotte's. I have a very romantic red vinyl booth for the two of you right over there, and... (She hypnotizes them) And whatever happens... Do not tip your waitress. Do not. Alrighty, then, let's go. Hoyt and Summer arrive. Hoyt: So you been here before? Summer: Not since my daddy joined AA. But it sure does feel good to be back, especially with you. Hoyt: Well, you feel free to order anything that you want. Doesn't matter how much it costs. Summer: Thank you. I don't eat much. I don't wanna get fat like my mama. At least not until I had a baby or two. Hoyt: Mm-hm. Summer: I can't wait to have babies. I'm real excited about it. I mean, probably in like another two years or so, but... Tommy: What's the matter? Jessica: Um... My ex. Summer: I make a mean tuna casserole. Tommy: What, him? For real? He took like he got bombed by radiation on his way to middle school. That's a giant sixth-grade boy right there. Jessica: No, you don't know him. Summer: Get ready for this. Jessica: He's really very sweet. Tommy: Come on. He's Little League. You're a smoking-hot vampire. You're the majors. Jessica: No. Tommy: Yeah. And a "hell, yeah" too. Sam: Hey, Tommy. Joe Lee. Tommy: What? Joe Lee on the phone: Tommy, get your ass home now. Tommy: No, I'm not gonna. I got a job now. Joe Lee on the phone: I don't give a sh1t about no job. Do what I say when I say it. You hear me, you little sh1t? Scene 16 : Franklin's room at Russell's mansion - Tara, Franklin Franklin: Why? Tara, why? Tara: I-I was afraid. Franklin: Of me? You were afraid of me? That's insane. Tara: But you tied me up. Franklin: To keep you safe. Oh, my God, what other reason could there be? You have no idea how much you've hurt me. I feel like I've been staked. Tara: I'm sorry, Franklin. It's my fault. My head is all confused. Can you forgive me? It's not you I'm afraid of, it's this place. All the other vampires... They're the ones who scare me. Franklin: I'll never let them touch you. There's only you. They don't exist. There's only you. Scene 17: Russell's mansion - Russell, Bill, Coot Russell: Hm. You've circled certain names here. I wonder why. Bill: You're joking. Russell: Am I? Bill: I never saw this before you showed it to me. I don't even know what it is. Where did it come from? Russell: Oh, Franklin Mott found that, in your house. Bill: With all due respect, why would you believe him? It's my word against his. Russell: Well, exactly. He's an old friend. I'd trust him with, uh... Bill: Your genealogy? Russell: My... My genealogy. Earl Stackhouse, Sookie Stackhouse. Oh, those are the circled ones. I have a theory, Bill. Do you know what I think? Bill: No, but I-I'm fascinated. Russell: I think telepathy runs in this family. I think you've been playing Track the Telepath. You are trying to discover the origins and the meaning of your human's curious mental condition, because somehow, somewhere, there is a payoff. Bill: It's a theory beautifully built, of air and imagination. But it has nothing to do with me, sir. Russell: Oh, Bill. Oh, Bill. Coot: Excuse me, sir, can I talk to you? In private? Russell: Guard! Scene 18: Merlotte's - Andy, Jason, Lafayette, Jesus, Sam, Tommy Andy: Buddy. Jason: Hey, Andy. Andy: I deserve more a welcome than that, the news I got for you. Jason: Sorry, I'm just kind of waiting on somebody. Andy: I pulled every string in my collection on your behalf today. Jason: I'm a deputy? Andy: Pretty damn close. They'll wave everything but the physical. Jason: Oh, boy, I'm in. Andy: And the written exam. Jason: Wait, we talked about this. I can't take no test. Andy: Well, you gotta. Come on, it's easy. You just shove all that stuff in your head, write your answers, and forget it all the next day, learn on the job, like everybody else. Come on, get your head up off the floor. You'll do great. Who's the girl? Got a new one? Jason: Don't matter. She ain't coming. Lafayette: You gonna break? Jesus: Ha, ha. No. You break. Lafayette: Or I will. Jesus: Whatever you want. Lafayette: Uh-huh. You drove all this way and waited all day and most of the night so...? Jesus: It was fun. You know? Drinking beers, talking to people. Watching you do your thing. Lafayette: My thing? That? Oh, no. No, no, that is not my thing. Jesus: No. Still got to look at you. Did you look at me? Lafayette: I can't be looking at folk with all that grease flying around the kitchen. Jesus: Right. Lafayette: But I saw you. Every now and again. Jesus: So we gonna play? Lafayette: I'll play. And I'll break. I don't want you coming in here running the table, making me look bad. Jesus: I don't think that's possible. Lafayette: Listen at you talking all that bullshit to me. Tommy: Hey, Sam. Sam: Yeah? Tommy: Can I stay with you tonight? Sam: How come? Tommy: You know, uh, brother time. Sam: Okay. You tell your folks, though. Tommy: Yeah, I will. Sam: I mean it. Tommy: Yeah, I said I would, and I will. Sam: You're lying, and that puts me right in the middle of the Mickens, which is exactly where I don't wanna be. Something's going on with you all. I feel it. I know it. What does Joe Lee want from you? Tommy: Nothing. He's just... He's just a prick. Sam: You can talk to me, Tom. Tommy: Sure. Scene 19: Bill's room in Russell's mansion - Bill, Coot Coot: You're a little edgy, bat boy. Bill: Get out. Coot: What are you gonna do? Tell the king? He's off you, bro. You're on his sh1t list. Everybody knows it. Bill: Even his dirty little lapdog. Coot: Mm. You know what else I hear? And this is sexy good news, Bill. You're gonna love this. I know I loved it. Your Bon Temps piece of country ass, your little blond ho is fcking a werewolf right here in Jackson. Suck that Dick. Bill: Where? Where is Sookie? Bill escapes from his room. Scene 20: Outside the Merlotte's - Jason, Crystal Jason: Hey. Thought you stood me up. Crystal: I didn't. I tried to go in there a couple times. It was... It was too, uh... This ain't right. I shouldn't be here. I... I shouldn't be anywhere near you. Jason: Why? Crystal: It's the way it is. Jason: Crystal... Crystal: You don't understand, and I can't explain. Jason: Listen, don't go. Crystal: I gotta. Jason: Take a walk with me. Just a little walk. (They kiss in the woods) You're an outdoor girl. I'll tell you that for nothing. You're happy here in the woods. Crystal: Maybe so. Jason: I'm that way too. Crystal: We got that in common. Jason: Something's happening to us. Crystal: Shh. I don't wanna jinx it. Jason: Those things you can't explain. I don't care about 'em. Crystal: That's what you say now. Jason: No, I'm pretty sure I mean it. And I just might mean it forever. Crystal: There is no forever for us. It's only now. Jason: Well, that ain't true. It couldn't be. Crystal: It is true. Now is everything. Now is perfect. I've never been happier in my whole life than I am right now with you. Jason: If you don't want me to touch you more, if you want me to stop here... I'm gonna have to step away, because I'm... I'm all upset. Crystal: We got that in common too. Scene 21: Russell's mansion - Eric, Russell, Lorena, Talbot Eric: Sir. Russell: Sheriff. Please accept my apologies. There's a matter to which I must attend. Eric: Trouble? Russell: Not really. More of an experiment. Eric: Perhaps I can be of service. Russell: Huh. Indulge my boy Talbot, will you? Let him give you the full tour. Makes him positively blithe. Eric: Sir, I have a child of my own in the Magister's bony hands. If you could help as soon as poss... Russell: All in good time, Eric. Russell leaves and Lorena arrives. Lorena: You. Eric: You. Talbot arrives too. Talbot: Boys only. Eric: Show me everything. Scene 22: Sam's house - Tommy, Sam, Joe Lee Sam: Man. That's a call, right there. Someone knocks at the door. Tommy: Don't open it. Sam: What do you mean, don't open it? fck. Joe Lee: You sneaky shifter piece of sh1t. Give me back my boy. Tommy, get over here. I'll beat you blind. Sam: Breaking down my door? Who the hell do you think you are? Huh? Go home. Joe Lee: I ain't leaving without my son. Sam: He ain't going anywhere with you. Joe Lee: You don't get it, you dumb mtherfcker. I own him, head to tail. Sam: fck you, you broke-down bstrd. You don't own sh1t. You live in a house I own. You wanna keep it, get out, before I throw your ass in the parking lot! Oh, you don't think I'll do it? Huh? I'll do it. I'd love to do it. Joe Lee: Sorry. I'm liquored up. I can't even think straight. He's gotta... To learn responsibility. It'll all be better in the morning. Joe Lee leaves. Sam: What the fck was that? Scene 23: Russell's mansion - Tara, Franklin, Eric, Talbot, Eric's parents, Russell Franklin: What's the matter? Who made you cry? I'll kill him. Tara: Nobody. It's only I'm hungry, and they brought me this. And I can't eat day lilies. Franklin: Tell Talbot we don't want his fcking flowers! And don't come back! She wants to be with me! God, you are sexy. Tara: We need to talk. Franklin: Don't say that. Women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts. Tara: Baby, no, no, it's okay. That's not where I'm going at all. Franklin, I'm into you. I mean, really into you. Franklin: Tara. Oh, Tara. Tara: But if we're gonna be together, you have to remember that I'm alive. I have needs, like food. Franklin: You're right. I'm ashamed. Tara: No, baby, it's just a thing. I'll remind you. Franklin: I can do better. Let me take you somewhere special for dinner. Tara: I would love that. Franklin: There's, uh, Shoney's in Vicksburg. Tara: Uh, great. Franklin: We'll celebrate your last night as a human. Tara: What? Franklin: I'm proposing. I'm gonna turn you. Will you be my vampire bride? Eric: Ooh... And what is this? Talbot: Japanese vampire erotica from the 16th century. Exquisite detail. Eric: You learn any tricks? Talbot: Eric, you know as well as I there's nothing new except someone new. Eric: Well, it's an eclectic collection. Talbot: Oh, you should see what we have in storage. Russell's a greedy little boy. He wants what he wants and he takes it. He's the same way about people. Watch out. Eric: And this? Talbot: Some random tribal crown. He must have a hundred of them. Uh, this one's, uh, Scythian, I think. Eric: Viking. Eric's flashback in the 1880's Eric's mother in Swedish: Hand me your sister. Eric's dad in Swedish: My son, it's time you were betrothed. Eric in Swedish: Soon. Eric's mother in Swedish: The sooner the better. Eric's dad in Swedish: Where were you all day? I never saw you. Eric's mother in Swedish: He was in the barn with the redhead who feeds the goats. Eric in Swedish: It's not wrong to enjoy my life. Eric's dad in Swedish: You have no sense of responsibility. Eric in Swedish: Can we talk about this later? Eric's father in Swedish: Eric, grow up. You can't spend your life between a woman's legs. Eric in Swedish: I can try. Eric's dad in Swedish: Get back here. Your place is with me! Eric in Swedish: All you want me to do is follow you around! Eric's dad in Swedish: I want you to learn to be king! Eric in Swedish: I will! Tomorrow! Eric leaves. Eric's dad in Swedish: Who's at the door? Eric is making love with a woman when he hears her mother screaming. A wolf is attacking his father. The guards, his sister and his mother are dead. Eric is Swedish: Mother...? Eric's father in Swedish: Eric, behind you! Eric and his father fight against the werewolves. Eric sees on the arm of a werewolf the sign of Operation Werwolf. Russell: Bring me the crown. Don't be a hero, Viking. Eric's father is dying. Eric in Swedish: Father. Look at me! Eric's father in Swedish: You are king. Eric in Swedish: No. I won't allow it. Help! Eric's dad in Swedish: You know what to do. Eric in Swedish: Yes. Eric's dad in Swedish: Vengeance... Eric in Swedish: Vengeance. End flash back. Eric: It's beautiful. Talbot: Quite. Scene 24: Alcide's house - Alcide, Sookie, Bill, Coot, Russell Alcide: Sookie? Sookie: Bill. Bill. Bill: Sookie... You have to go now. Sookie: Is that all you have to say to me? Bill: There's no time. You must take her away. Sookie: Wherever I'm going, you're coming too. Bill: It's too late. There's no hope for me. Please, you've gotta get her out of Jackson as fast as you can. Alcide: I believe him Sookie. Sookie: What do you mean, there's no hope? Bill: You have to leave now. Sookie: I will, but tell me what I'm running from. Coot: Come on in. (To Alcide) That's for Debbie, fucker. Russell: Grab the girl, you imbecile. Coot: Uncle Coot is gonna get you. Yeah. Sookie: Maybe not! No! Russell: Fantastic!	Plan: A: Eric; Q: Who visits Russell and is caught in a lie? A: the Magister; Q: Who is holding Pam prisoner? A: Bill Compton; Q: Who did Russell want Eric to turn in for selling V? A: V. Franklin; Q: Who is the vampire who holds Tara prisoner at Russell's mansion? A: Franklin; Q: Who gives Russell information on Sookie's genealogy? A: Sookie; Q: Who does Russell order Cooter to grab? A: Bill's home; Q: Where did Franklin steal Sookie's genealogy from? A: Alcide and Sookie visit packmaster Colonel Flood; Q: Who advises Alcide and Sookie to stay away from Russell and his werewolves? A: Alcide's apartment; Q: Where does Bill go to tell Sookie to leave? A: the King; Q: Who stops Bill from telling Sookie to leave Alcide's apartment? A: his plan; Q: What does the King thwart? A: her mysterious powers; Q: How does Sookie protect herself from Russell's werewolf? A: Russell's possession; Q: Where is the Viking crown that makes Eric realize that Russell is responsible for killing his family? A: Lafayette; Q: Who does Jess begin to get to know? A: Tommy; Q: Who begins working at Merlotte's? A: Jason; Q: Who falls for Crystal Norris? A: a cop; Q: What job does Jason start working as? A: the enigmatic Crystal Norris; Q: Who does Jason fall for? A: Terry; Q: Who moves in with Arlene? Summary: Eric visits Russell, who catches him in a lie and forces him to admit that the Magister is holding Pam prisoner and will kill her unless he turns in Bill Compton for selling V. Franklin gives Russell information on Sookie's genealogy that he stole from Bill's home. Franklin continues to keep Tara prisoner at Russell's mansion, telling her that he intends to make her his vampire bride. Alcide and Sookie visit packmaster Colonel Flood, who advises them to keep away from Russell and his werewolves. Bill goes to Alcide's apartment to tell Sookie to leave but the King arrives and thwarts his plan. Russell orders his werewolf Cooter to grab Sookie, who protects herself with her mysterious powers. A Viking crown in Russell's possession makes Eric realize that Russell was responsible for killing his family many centuries ago. Lafayette and Jesús begin to get to know each other. Tommy begins working at Merlotte's. Jason starts work as a cop and falls for the enigmatic Crystal Norris . Terry moves in with Arlene.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.] Joey: (from bedroom) WHOAA!! Chandler: (going to the bedroom) See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed. Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering] Monica: Hey, look at me. I'm making jam, been at it since 4 o'clock this morning. Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning? Monica: Went down to the docks. Bet ya didn't know you could get it wholesale. Rachel: I didn't know there were docks. [Joey and Chandler enter] Joey: Hey. Chandler: Hey. Ross: Aww, is it broken? Joey: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple weeks. (points to the sling he is wearing) Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed? Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out. Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just fell out of the socket. Joey: What is this? Fruit? Rachel: Monica's making jam. Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how come we never have jam at our place? Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes. Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.) Joey: This will just be my batch. [Scene: Street, Phoebe is being followed by some guy, as they pass a flower vendor. Phoebe turns around and the guy quickly picks up some flowers and continues following her.] Phoebe: (turns around) Um, that's it. No. Hey! You! J. Crew guy. Yeah. Why have you been following me? I mean, all week long everywhere I look there's you. Guy: You wouldn't return my calls, you sent back my letters.... Phoebe: What? Guy: One more chance Ursula, please? Phoebe: Oooh. Oh, well this is awkward. Guy: Wh.. Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously. Guy: Oh, that's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I am such a dingus! Phoebe: Oh, you're not a dingus. Guy: I just, I want you to know I didn't used to be like this. Before I meet your sister I was like this normal guy who sold beepers and cellular phones. Phoebe: Well, I mean look it's, it's not your fault, you know. I mean this is just what, what she does to guys, okay. Guy: Well thanks. (starts to leave) Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying? Guy: Not really. Phoebe: Um, well, get over it. So, I mean you, you just seem to be a really nice guy, you know. Don't be so hard on yourself okay. Guy: Wait. You're right. I know you're right. And, thanks for being so nice. Here (gives her the flowers he bought.) Phoebe: Oh, thanks a lot. Do you want to get a cup of coffee? Guy: Yeah, okay. Phoebe: Okay. (they start to leave, he is still following her) Okay, you don't have to walk behind me any more. Guy: Sorry. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering] Rachel: Mon? Ross: Mon? Rachel: (reading) 'Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller.' Ross: Wait a minute, look. Rachel: What? Ross: Look, look, look. Rachel: What, what, what? Ross: It's an empty apartment. Rachel: Oooh. Ross: We're all alone in an empty apartment. Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes (Ross starts kissing her neck) Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything. (they fall onto the couch) (Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.) Ross: There it is. Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey. Ross: Hey. Chandler: Do I look fat? Ross and Rachel: Noo. Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow. Rachel: Okay, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it. Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her.... Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look. You just answer, it's just a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter? Rachel: Nooo! Ross: And it works both ways. Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff? Rachel: Well you know, after about thirty or forty fights, you kinda catch on. Ross: Okay, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1 she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do? Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim. Ross: (buzzes) Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her. Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something. Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work. Ross: Oh. Rachel: All right are you guys gonna come down? Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah I'll, I'm right behind you. Rachel: Good luck Chandler. Chandler: Thank you Rachel. Ross: Bye sweetie. Rachel: Bye hon. Ross: (blows her a kiss) Okay the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do. Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily sleepers. Ross: Noo! No, not cuddlily, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Okay, come here. (they sit on the couch and Ross puts his hands on Chandler's shoulder and thigh.) Okay, you're in bed... Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are) Ross: I'm gonna use the cushion. Chandler: Yeah. Ross: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her (demonstrates on the cushion) and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you. Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll. Ross: Yep. Chandler: Okay, one question. Ross: Shoot. Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right? [Scene: Central Perk, Joey is putting jam on his muffin, lots of jam] Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon? Rachel: (Looks at him) You're so pretty. Phoebe: (entering) Hi! All: Hey, Phoebe. Phoebe: Hey, oh, you know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today. Joey: (with food in his mouth) You talked to him. Are you crazy? Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order. Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom. Phoebe: Ooh! No, no, no, no, he's not like a kook, no. He's just like this, this very passionate, incredibly romantic guy, that got like a tinsy bit carried away, you know. And we just get along really well, and he's so cute. Ross: Oh my God, you've got a crush on your sister's stalker. Phoebe: No, I'm just gonna help him, you know, get 'de-Ursula-ized', like you know, like I did for Joey after he went out with her. Joey: (with his mouthful) Hey, I didn't stalk her. I mean (he sprays Phoebe with crumbs) Phoebe: Okay, I asked for the news, not the weather. Monica: (entering) Hey guys. All: Hey Mon. Monica: Joey, this is for you. (gives him a jar of jam) It's blackberry curin. Joey: Aww. (tastes it) Ohh! Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand) Joey: Put your hands together. Monica: Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch. Joey: No more jam?! Rachel: Well, what happened to your jam plan? Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies. Chandler: Well, your gonna need much bigger jars. Ross: What are you talking about? Monica: I'm talking about me having a baby. Ross: What? Rachel: Are you serious? Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan. Ross: Well, aren't you forgetin' something? What, what, what is uh, what is that guy's name? Dad! Monica: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid. Chandler: That, that's what's stupid. Monica: I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers. And there, there are places you can go to get that stuff. Rachel: Down at the docks again? [Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Janice and him are cuddling] Janice: Night-night Bing-a-ling. Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Malcom is giving Phoebe all of his spy stuff] Malcom: Here's my binoculars. Phoebe: Oh, great. Great. You're doing great, you know real strong. Going strong. Keep going. Malcom: These are my night vision goggles. This is the book I pretend to read when I'm watching her in the park. And these are Mad Lips, they're just for fun. Phoebe: Oh, yeah. What's this? (picks up a book) Malcom: Oh, this is log I kept, recording her every movement. Do you wanna here something from it? Phoebe: Um, not even a little bit. Malcom: It's about you. Phoebe: Oh, okay then. Malcom: (reading) I met Phoebe today. She was really nice to me eventhough I'm such a loser. And, then when I was walking home I thought about her a lot, it was weird, but kinda cool. Phoebe: Good. So what were you thinking? Malcom: I was thinking what it would be like to kiss you. Phoebe: Really? Malcom: No. Phoebe: Oh. Malcom: See that's just something I said now, so that maybe I could kiss you. Phoebe: Oh, okay. (he kisses her) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.] Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard. Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Okay, sperm donor number 03815, come on down! Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis. Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us. Ross: Look, you can't do this Mon. All right, if you do this, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm gonna..... Monica: You're gonna what? Ross: I'm gonna tell Mom. Rachel: Honey, I'm sorry, but he's right. I love you, but you're crazy. Ross: Crazy. Monica: What?! Why? Why is this crazy? So this isn't the ideal way to something.... Ross: (interrupting her) Oh, it's not the ideal way... Monica: Lips moving, still talking. I mean it may not be ideal, but I'm so ready. No, I-I-I see the way Ben looks at you. It makes me ache, you know? Joey: Check it out!! Jam crackers! Monica: Okay, all right, how's this? 27. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven sisters, and he's the only....boy. (they all turn and look at Joey) Oh my God, under personal comments: 'New York Knicks, rule!' Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule! Monica: Joey, this is you! Joey: Let me see. (goes over and looks at the form) Oh, right. Rachel: When did you go to a sperm bank? Joey: Well, right after I did that s*x study down at NYU. (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday? Chandler: And that's how you bought it? Joey: Noooo, that's what I was wearing when I donated. I'm kinda surprised there's any of my boys left. Monica: Well, honey, it is pretty competitive. I mean I've got an actual rocket scientist here. Joey: Maybe, I should call this place and get them to put my 'Days of Our Lives' on here. You know, juice this puppy up a little. [SCENE_BREAK] Phoebe: (entering) Hellooo! All: Hey. Ross: How's the maniac? Phoebe: Oh, well he's yummy. We did a little kissin'. Rachel: Phoebe, what are you doing? Phoebe: Oh, no, no, no, no. You know what, he's not into that stuff anymore. He quit for me. Rachel: Pheebs, this guy has been obsessed with your sister, for God knows how long, okay, you don't just give up something like that. Phoebe: Look, he gave me his night vision goggles and everything. Ross: You're taking the word of a guy who has night vision goggles? Phoebe: What, he's not still following her. Do you think he is still following her? Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order. Phoebe: What are you saying I should do? Monica: I think, that if you really like this guy, you should just trust him. Phoebe: Thank you, Monica. Joey: Orrr, you could follow him and see where he goes. Monica: Oh, that's what I would do, forget mine. [Scene: Central Perk] Rachel: Oh my God, what happened? (points to the cast on Janice's wrist) Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed! Rachel: Wow! Spinning that sounds like fun. Janice: Oh, (laughs) I wish. No, you know he was just trying Ross's Hug and Roll thing. Rachel: (turns around, not amused) Ross's what? Janice: You know what, where he hugs you and kinda rolls you away and... Oh... my....God. [Scene: Subway station, Phoebe is following Malcom by finding behind the pillars until she comes up to one with a wire mesh garbage can next to it. Malcom stops and starts walking the other way and passes Phoebe, who quick tries to hide behind the garbage can. But, Malcom sees her.] Malcom: Phoebe? Phoebe: Yes? Yes! Oh. Malcom: What are you doing? Phoebe: Oh, I was just here looking for, um, my um, my part of an old sandwich. Oh, here it is! Oh. (picks one up out of the garbage can.) Malcom: Were you following me? Phoebe: Um, perhaps. Yes! Yes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was just afraid that you were still hung up on my sister. Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar) Phoebe: Oh well, what do you know, there goes my identical twin sister. Just walkin' along looking like me. What, is this just like a freakish coincidence, or did you know she takes this train? Malcom: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I tried to stop, but I couldn't. I'm so pathetic. Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch. Malcom: Uh-huh, I don't know. Phoebe: Yeah, just, okay, look I'm going. Um, come on. Op, op, behind the pillar, which way am I gonna go? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering] Joey: Hey. Monica: Hey. Joey: Where you going? Monica: To the bank. Joey: Sperm or regular? Monica: Sperm. Joey: So you're really doing this, huh? Monica: Oh yeah, picked a guy, 37135. Joey: Sounds nice. Monica: 'Fraid so. Brown hair, green eyes... Joey: No kiddin', hmm. Monica: What? Joey: No, I-I figured you would've picked a blond guy. Monica: Really? Why? Joey: I don't know, I just always pictured you ending up with one of those tall, smart blond guys, name like.... Hoyt. Monica: Hoyt? Joey: It's a name, yeah. I saw you, you know, in this great house with a big pool. Monica: Really, is he a swimmer? Joey: He's got the body for it. Monica: I like that. (Joey starts laughing) What? Joey: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know. Monica: We do not have one of those signs. Joey: Sure you do, it was a gift from me. Oh! And you have these three great kids. Monica: Two girls and a boy? Joey: Yeah! Monica: And, and, and they wear those little water wings, you know. And they're, they're running around on the deck. Then Hoyt wraps this big towel around all three of them. Joey: Sure! (Monica gets very depressed) But hey, you know this way sounds good too. Monica: Yeah. Joey: Oh Monica. (goes over and hugs her, then looks at the form and stops hugging her.) Wow, this guy's an astronaut. That would've been cool, (sees Monica) for like a day. (hugs her again). Closing Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is finishing off the last of the jam] Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person. Rachel: Honey, you got a little thing on your...(points to her whole face) Joey: (wipes a little jam from the corner of his mouth) Did I get it? Rachel: Yeah. Ross: (entering) Hello. Rachel: Hello. Ross: (sees Joey) Hey. (walks into the living room) Uh, Chan, can I uh, can I talk to you for a second? Chandler: Sure. What's up? Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)	Plan: A: Phoebe; Q: Who is stalked by a man? A: Phoebe's identical twin; Q: Who is Ursula? A: Chandler "boyfriend" lessons; Q: What do Ross and Rachel give Chandler? A: Monica; Q: Who considers having a baby by artificial insemination? A: jam; Q: What does Monica make to cope with her break-up with Richard? A: a baby; Q: What does Monica consider having by artificial insemination through a sperm bank? A: a sling; Q: What is Joey's arm in? A: Matt LeBlanc; Q: Who dislocated his shoulder in the previous episode? A: the plot; Q: What was Matt LeBlanc's injury written into? A: Guest star; Q: What was David Arquette's role on Friends? Summary: Phoebe is stalked by a man mistaking her for Ursula, Phoebe's identical twin. Ross and Rachel give Chandler "boyfriend" lessons. Monica copes with her break-up with Richard by making jam, and considers having a baby by artificial insemination through a sperm bank. Joey's arm is in a sling after hurting his shoulder jumping on the bed. (Matt LeBlanc dislocated his shoulder in the previous episode, which was written into the plot). Guest star: David Arquette
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Brooke : Millie was right. Alex Dupre is the perfect choice to be the face of the new campaign. Millicent : You do know that's Brooke's boyfriend, right? Alex : She dates a PA? Millicent : He's not a PA, he is a producer. Alex : I know what you're thinking. But I know a good script when I read it. Julian : Ok. I'll take a look. Haley : Quinn, what happened between you and David? Quinn : He used to see the world exactly the way I saw it. He just doesn't anymore. David : You're gonna have to talk to me sometime. Nathan : There's a girl who's threatening to file a paternity suit against me, unless I pay her a couple hundred thousands dollars to keep her quiet. Mouth : What are you gonna do about it? Nathan : I don't know. What are you gonna do about it? Mouth : Nothing. Clay : The amount we're willing to pay to make this go away. Renee : It's empty. Clay : It's empty because you're a lying bitch and we're not paying you a dime. NEAR THE RIVER Clay : You missed another workout. It's four in a row. Should I be worried? Nathan : I haven't been in the mood. Clay : Look, I get that, but you can't lose sight of what's in the line. Right now, your job is to stay in shape. Nathan : Am I gonna have a job, this year? What's going on with my contract, Clay? Clay : I'm working on it. Nathan : Should I be worried? Clay : We're gonna get it done. I promise you that. Nathan : Why haven't we heard anything? Clay : I told you, man, things are in process. I'm not talking about my deal. Nathan : This girl, Renee... It's been three days since we told her we won't gonna pay her anything. You think she decided to back off? Clay : I doubt it. Don't come out. And we're prepared for that. But until then, you can't just sit around holding your breath until it happens. Alright? I need you to get your head back in the game, Nate. Alright? Nathan : Ok. Let's go. AT THE SUPERMARKET Quinn : Dude, good find! I love this stuff. Here's my official cereal selecter. Say that 3 times fast. Jamie : Cereal Selecter. Cereal Selecter. Cereal Selecter. Quinn : Nice. Haley : This has too much sugar. Keep working. Jamie : I knew it. Quinn : Too much sugar? Ok, I've seen you eat 5 balls of Count Chocula in one sitting. Haley : That was on a dare from Taylor, and before I became a mom. You'll see, you're gonna have kids some day. Quinn : Dude, hand over that crystal ball. I have a few questions for it. Haley : You know, I have a question too. What happened with you and David at Tric? It's been a few days. Quinn : He wants me to come home and I told him I need more time to figure things out. Haley : Now we're talking. Quinn : Too healthy. Keep looking. It's out there. Haley : For your information, these cereals have everything you need. Quinn : That's the thing, I might have everything that I need that doesn't mean that's everything that I want. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : What is that smell? Julian : That would be sandalwood. Brooke : Seriously, with the incense? Julian : It's relaxing. Brooke : It's giving me a headache. Julian : Sorry. Are you nervous about your big day? Brooke : If you're referring to the fashion show that we've poured too much time and money into, then, yeah. I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous about it. Julian : Well, you shouldn't be. You're Brooke Davis. Brooke : You're starting to sound like Victoria, and that's weird for me. Do you have a new script? Julian : Oh, that's the script Alex gave me the other night. I was just writing down some ideas. Brooke : I thought you didn't like it. Julian : I don't. But the story's pretty good. There might be something there. Brooke : Well, you don't have to do this for me. I don't even like Alex. Julian : Oh, I'm not doing it as a favor. I know a good idea when I see one. Besides, people love a comeback story, and Alex is a good actress when she finds the right role. So, it's worth a look. Brooke : Ok. I'll see you later. Julian : Hey, Brooke Davis... you look beautiful today. AT ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM Millicent : Please be awake, please be awake. Alex! You're... ready. Alex : We have a job to do, don't we? Millicent : Yes, we do. Alex : It's called "being professional" which I'm kinda known for it. Used to be. Oh, my God, you look hot by the way. Now tell me I look hot too bitch, because I do. Millicent : You look hot too, bitch. Alex : Thanks. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Clay : Ok, right. Even though it's incredibly riventing watching you lift weights, I think I'm gonna head out. What time do you go to the fashion show tonight? Nathan : I don't know. Whatever. You going? Clay : Do I really want to watch a group of hot models parade on stage? Getting early, buddy. You're doing good, Nate. It's about 20? Nathan : I'm at 27. Clay : You know, you don't bring the bar on your chest every time, we don't count those. I'm watching you. Hello? Ok. Yeah, we knew there was a chance of that. Thank you. Nathan : I don't care what you say. That was . I'm done. Clay : The story burn out, Nate. It's out there. Nathan : Where? AT THE SUPERMARKET Quinn : What you got there, little man? Jamie : What's a love child? AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : I bought every copy I could find. Nathan : I'm sorry, Hales. Haley : You don't have to keep apologize. Nathan : Yes, I do. I'm responsible for this family and it kills me that you have to go through this. Haley : We are going through this, Nathan, together. We knew this was gonna happen. We made a choice and I still think it was the right thing to do. Nathan : Has Jamie seen this? Haley : He was the one that found it. He's just such a good boy. He doesn't understand why somebody would lie like this. Nathan : Is he home? Haley : No, he went to the park with Quinn. I thought it'd be good for him to spend some time with his friends right now. AT THE PARK Chuck : "The first time we were together, Nathan couldn't get enough, and neither could I." Naughty, naughty! Jamie : Shut up, Chuck, it's not true. Chuck : Yeah, right. My mom says they don't put stuff in these magazines unless it's true. Your dad's hosed. Jamie : He is not. Chuck : Yeah. Quinn : I think I should be allowed enough time to figure out exactly what I want. I mean, don't I deserve that? Girl : Yeah. Quinn : But David doesn't see it that way, he just wants to work it out. What if I don't want to work it out? What if I can't? Then what? Girl : Boys... AT MOUTH'S OFFICE Charlie : Refresh my memory. Did I not asked you to look into the Nathan Scott situation and find out if there was a story? Mouth : I did, but there wasn't. Charlie : The why does the National Informer have one? Mouth : The National Informer? Are you being serious? Oh oh, look at this alien babies on the rise. They scooped us on that one too, maybe you should hire them. Charlie : Maybe I will. Mouth : Come on, Charlie, this isn't news. Right now it's nothing but a rumor in some lowrent tabloid. But as soon as we report on that, we validate it. It becomes news. It's not fair and it's not what I do. Charlie : What you do is what I tell you to do. Or else you can go drag the ratings down at someone else's station. AT TRIC Brooke : Quinn did a really great job with these, Alex looks beautiful. Millicent : Yeah, now all we have to do is pick one. The winner goes in tonight gift bag. Brooke : So which one's the winner? Millicent : I was kind of hoping you'd pick. Brooke : Millie... this is your decision and I want you to make it. You're good at it. Millicent : Ok. That's go... this one. Brooke : Perfect. Ok. Millie, even though you are completely in charge of tonight's fashion show I decided to bring in a little experience just to help everything runs smoothly. Please don't freak out. Millicent : Please don't tell me you invited... Victoria : Well, well. Hi boss. These are lovely. Here's your winner. Millicent : I already picked this one. Victoria : I guess it will have to do then. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Miranda : She's quite percy you know. Woman your husband slept with. At least the baby will be adorable. Haley : Why would you say something like that? Miranda : What? The National Informer isn't a reliable source of information? My mistake. David : You got time for a brother-in-law? Haley : David, hi! Oh, it's good to see you. David : It's good to see you too. It's crazy out there. Haley : Yeah, we're having a fashion show tonight. And the Noisettes are playing, so, it should be fun. David : Maybe I'll stop by. Haley : You know, Quinn's gonna be here. David : Does that might, "could to stay away?" Haley : No, no, that's not what I meant. I would love for you to come, I just feel like it might be a little awkward right now. David : Could you give her a message from me? Just tell her I miss her, and that I love her. If she ever wants to talk to me I'll be right here, I'm not going anywhere. It was good to see you. Haley : To see you too. David : Okay. Haley : Bye. AT TRIC Chase : Millie. This... just came for you. Hi, Mrs. Davis. How are you? Victoria : I'm sorry. Have we met? Chase : Yeah, many times. I used to date your daughter. Every time that I said "hello", you asked me if we'd met. Victoria : Well, until next time then. Millicent : "To Millie. I'm sorry I can't be there for your big night but I can't wait to celebrate. I'm proud of you. Love, Marvin." Victoria : Sweet. You know where this would look perfect? In your car. Alex : Nice flowers! Who's the old lady? Millicent : The old lady is Brooke's mother. Victoria, this is Alex Dupre. She's the star of tonight show. Alex, Victoria Davis. Victoria : So you're the former actress we're overpaying. Alex : Oh wait, Millie told me all about you. How you were this evil bitch who used to run everything here, but now you're just an evil bitch. Millicent : I didn't say that. In those words. Victoria : Well, I'll let you get back to not making movies. Millicent : You are fun. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Quinn : Hey, Haley Bob. Have you seen these? Yeah, they are gorgeous. Haley : I could not help noticing that you signed yourself as Quinn James. Quinn : Yeah. I don't know. I thought it was a good idea. You know, kinda like a fresh start. Haley : Fresh start? Quinn : You know what I mean. Haley : You need to tell David how you feel, Quinn. He came by here today and he wanted me to tell you that he loves you and he misses you, and he'll wait for you. And he meant every word of it. All I wanted more than anything was to tell him that you felt the same way. Quinn : Yeah, but that's not your place, is it? Haley : No, it's not. It's yours. Just tell him the truth, Quinn. He's still your husband, even if you don't love him anymore. If you owe him anything at all, it's truth. AT TRIC Brooke : Jamie Scott, you're late. Jamie : I am? Brooke : Aren't you here to help me pass out these gift bags? Jamie : Sure. What do I do? Brooke : Put one of those on every chair. Chop, chop! Nathan : Just... put my son to work? Brooke : Absolutely. Clothes Over Bros has a long history for child labour. I'm just kidding. I thought... it might help take his mind off things. Nathan : You read the National Informer. Brooke : No. But I heard about it. I only read those things when I'm in them 'cause I'm still waiting for that story to come out about and Johnny Depp. Nathan : Nice. Brooke : Seriously, Nate, I've been on the tabloids a thousand times, and it's never been anything but rumors and lies. Look... all you can do is weather the storm don't feed the flame and make it worse. And eventually they'll move on to somebody else. Nathan : I just have one question. How do you explain that to a seven-year-old? AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Quinn told me the guys were teasing you this morning. Want to talk about it? Jamie : Chuck said that I was gonna have a brother or a sister. Nathan : I promise you if you ever do have a little brothers or sister, it would be from your mom and me. Jamie : Why is she lying? Nathan : Cause sometimes bad people forget the difference between right and wrong. And these people, sometimes... they like to take advantage of good people... like us. Jamie : Do you ever forget? Nathan : No. And you know why? 'Cause every time I'm not so sure I'm doing the right thing, I take a look at this picture of you and your mom, and it reminds me of everything that's important to me. And it always helps me do the right thing. Ok? AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Miranda : I need you for about 10 minutes. There's a reporter here from Visual Lyrics Magazine and she wants to ask you a few questions about Red Bedroom. Haley : I'm not really up for an interview today, Miranda, okay? Miranda : No, it's not okay. This label needs is starving for some good press, and it's exactly how you get it. So if that means to take a few minutes to kiss it at last... you get up and do it. The truth is, this reporter has influence and we don't want her on our bad side, okay? Haley : Ten minutes. AT TRIC Julian : Vicki. Brooke didn't tell me you were coming in for the show. Victoria : Consider me Millicent training wheels, and don't ever call me Vicki again. Julian : Sorry. I thought we were bonding. Victoria : You thought wrong. Tell me... how's your father? It's Paul, right? Julian : Yeah. Victoria : Has he taken a lover recently? Julian : What just happened? Victoria : Sorry. I thought we were bonding. Julian : You thought wrong. Victoria : You know, my daughter seems so happy lately. In fact, she seems happier that I've ever seen her. I'm assuming I owe that to you. Julian : Are you starting to approve of me? Victoria : Don't be silly. She could do so much better. Good bye, Julian. Say hello to Paul for me. You tell him if he's ever in search of a lover, to give me a call. Julian : Please stop saying "lover". AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Angela : Everyone knows about Mia Catalano. What about Haley James Scott? When does your next album come out, Haley? Haley : We've been working hard so, hopefully soon. Maybe I'll send you some tracks see if you like them. Angela : I'd like that. Now, let's talk about your reaction when you found out your husband not only had an affair but has got another woman pregnant . Miranda : Sorry, Angela. Time's up. Angela : You promised me minutes, Miranda. It's only been . Miranda : Well, you forfeited the other when you asked that stupid question. Angela : The question was relevant. Miranda : No, it was personal. Now, if you really wanna get personal, we can talk about that time in the Hamptons three years ago, when you got drunk and soiled yourself. Now, that was a messy situation. Angela : Look, that never happened. You just made that up. Miranda : Oh, then I'm sure you're sympathetic to Haley's situation... since her husband's affair was also made up. Off you go. We'll look forward to reading your column. What if she hates us? Who reads "Reviews" anyway? IN THE BACKSTAGE Makenna : Excuse me. Those waters are for the models, not the help. Millicent : Oh, no, I'm not... Supposed to be back here. Makenna : I know, sweetie. You see this, is where the pretty people play. You don't qualify. Alex : Makenna Gage, right? Oh, my gosh, you're so pretty in person. All the other girls are such skanks. I'm Alex, by the way. Makenna : I know who you are. I love your movies. I'm actually doing some acting down too, but I still model on the side. Alex : Oh, I knew that we had something in common. Makenna : You remember that movie you did about the double agent? I auditioned for your part. Well, they told me I was too hot. No offense. Oh, my God. We should totally do a movie together. Alex : Totally. We would have so much fun. You party, right? Of course you do. You have to try these, they're so kickass. I usually take three, but you should probably three only take two. Makenna : Give me four. NEAR THE RIVER Quinn : Hi, David. David : Quinn. It's good to see you. Quinn : You too. This reminds me of this park where we first met. David : You know, I almost proposed you there. Quinn : Really? You never told me that. David : I had the ring. It was a beautiful night. You were a little drunk, so I've been asking myself the chances to ask. Quinn : So what happened? David : I decided to wait for a better moment. Quinn : Well, that's us isn't it? Always waiting for something. David : That's not true. Quinn : Remember that job in San Francisco? You didn't take it because you felt something better might come. David : And it did. Quinn : I know it did. And you were right to wait. But that was two years of our lives we could have been experiencing something exciting and new, and... instead we just put our lives on hold. David : I didn't realize you felt that way. Quinn : I didn't at the time. You know, we made that decision together, and I was fine with that decision then. The person I am today wouldn't have waited those two years. David : Ok. I understand that, but I can change too. I can be whoever you want me to be. Quinn : I won't wait you change for me. It's not fair. I want you to be you because, you're a wonderful person. David : So is this the part you tell me you love me, but you're not in love with me? So that's it? There's nothing I can do to save our marriage? Quinn : I'm sorry, David. I think we should get a divorce. ON BACKSTAGE Brooke : That is the sexy group. You girls look amazing. And when you're out there, don't worry, they will be staring at you, they will be staring at me. Wait. Where is the red cocktail dress? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... ! Why am I counting nine? Alex : Because there's nine of us. Brooke : Where is Makenna? Somebody wake her up. Alex : Good luck, I saw her swallow a hand full of pills. She's such a cliche. Brooke : Victoria, please, tell me you can fix this. Victoria : This is Millie's show, remember? I'm sure she has a backup plan. Millicent : Yes, I do. We double up one model. The first girl on stage changes and goes out in the final piece. Brooke : Ok. Okay, that works... what about the final work? Millicent : We loose one piece from the collection. Victoria : That's unacceptable. Alex : Millie can handle it. Victoria : Well, clearly she can't. Alex : No, I mean Millie can do it, she can take Makenna's place. Millicent : Me? I'm not a model. Victoria : She's definitely not a model. Alex : Neither am I, but I'm still going out there. She's gorgeous, she's got better legs than Makenna and let's face it, and she's your only option. Unless, of course, you want to go out there with your walker. Brooke : Millie, strip down. Chop chop. AT TRIC Nathan : Chase, I thought you managed this place now. Chase : Mostly. But, I kinda miss being back here. I invented a new drink, you should try. It's called "the brain haemorrhage". Chase : You know there's already a drink called the brain haemorrhage, right? I'm sorry, man. I'm sure yours is much better. Nathan : Damn it! I'll get you a beer. Chase : Ok. Clay : Hey, man. Nathan : Hey. Clay : Listen, the press are gonna be here later, so I want you to practise two very important words... "No comment". Nathan : What if I do make a comment? Maybe just... tell my side of things? Clay : I'd be careful about that, it's just a game you don't wanna play. Chase : So, what do you think? It's not bad, eh? Clay : It's delicious, it should be illegal. This is the worst drink I ever had. Nathan : Brain haemorrhage? Clay : Yeah, good call on the beer. ON BACKSTAGE Julian : How are those nerves holding up? Brooke : I'm about to be judged by fashion critics who had to fly to North Carolina and love to witness failure. Julian : Well, then I guess they're gonna be disappointed tonight. I brought you something that's gonna relieve all your stress. Brooke : You got me a present? Julian : Sandalwood. It must have broken in half on the way over here. Oh well, I guess this will have to do. You still nervous? Brooke : For what? Where am I? Brooke : I want to thank you all for coming here tonight. Those of you who travelled down here to Tree Hill. I know we're not in New York but this is my home and this is the place that inspired the line, so I hope you enjoy it as much as we do. Now, to kick us off, we are thrilled to bring you... Noisettes! Brooke : Hey. I'll be right back. Victoria : Ok. Quinn : Hey. Haley : Hey! The show just started. Quinn : Fine. Haley : Good. Did you talk to David? Quinn : Yeah. I don't want to hurt him, Haley. This is what I have to do. Haley : You okay? Quinn : I'm fine, I'm fine. This is Brooke's night. ON BACKSTAGE Millicent : I can't do this, what if they laugh? Alex : Nobody is gonna laugh. Your hot ass is about to pull the roof off of this place. Brooke : Millie, are you ready for this? Millicent : I don't know Brooke, it doesn't feel right. I'm not a size zero. Brooke : What did you just say? Millicent : I said I'm not a size zero. Brooke : Of course you're not. Millie, I have an idea, I just need more time. Alex : I got this. Haley : Is that Millie? She looks gorgeous! AT THE INTERVIEW Man : So, you were clearly the crowd favorite tonight. When did you come out with this idea to put yourself in the show? Millicent : Well, the truth is, one of our models... Victoria : One of our models, Alex Dupre she was brought in specially to headline this collection. She was a fabulous choice, but we had this little surprise planned for several months. Clothes Over Bros is a line for real women. Zero is not a size. We're just thrilled that all of you responded the way we hoped you will. Thank you so much for coming. I'll give it to you... you're good. I know. ON BACKSTAGE Julian : Hey Alex, is Brooke around? Alex : Oh, she's somewhere receiving praise. I thought you were avoiding me. Julian : Why would I avoid you? Alex : I don't know. Maybe because you haven't read the script I gave you? Julian : Oh, I read it. You want my honest opinion? Alex : Of course. Julian : It's not that good. Alex : Which part? Julian : The beginning, middle and end. Alex : Ok, uh... what did you hate about it? Julian : I didn't say I hated it. The writing just needs a little focus. But somewhere underneath all the clutter, I think there is a really solid story there. I wouldn't mind meeting with the writer. I got a few ideas. Alex : I wrote it. Julian : You wrote what? Alex : That clutter filled messy you hated. Julian : No, I told you, I didn't hate it. Alex : You said it wasn't good. Julian : I also said it has potential. And if that's your first script... I am really impressed, Alex. If you're serious about this, I would be willing to work with you on it. But only if you're committeed. Alex : I would love to commit to you, Julian. We're totally gonna make this movie. Julian : Okay, hold on. Let's get the script in shape first, after that we'll see. Alex : Ok. AT TRIC Quinn : I forgot. How'd it go with the famous actress? Was it oscar worthy? It was just s*x. Quinn : Right. You know, I'm trying to figure out if this is the person you really are or just the person you want everyone to think that you are. Maybe a little of both. You look like you need a drink. Quinn : Yes. I want one of those blue drinks, those look good. Clay : Chase... another brain haemorrhage. Chase : It's called a brain blaster now. Clay : Right, just make sure it's extra blue. AT MOUTH'S OFFICE Mouth : What's this? Man : That's the last minute changes. Mouth : Who made them. Man : Charlie. Mouth : We're alive at three... two... AT TRIC Haley : Miranda. Listen... I just wanted to thank you for what you did earlier. I felt a little blindsight in there, and... it meant a lot that you stuck up for me. Miranda : I'm just being consistent. If they're not willing to let you use personal issues as an excuse to get off work, I am certainly not gonna let some bitch come in the way. Haley : Ok. Well, whatever your motivation was, thank you. Miranda : You're welcome. And besides, I've I always hated that cow. AT MOUTH'S OFFICE Mouth : And Albert Pujols continued his torrid summer by knocking in 2 runs, as the Redbirds drop the Phillies to. And finally... that is the night in sports. Man : Go to commercial, go to commercial now. Charlie : You just keep walking McFadden. You're off the air. AT TRIC Clay : What took you so long? Chase : Sorry. Running low on Jagermaister and Sambuca. Quinn : Is he being serious? Clay : Yep, never mind that. Just sit back and enjoy this delicious blue masterpiece. Quinn : That's really good, thank you. Chase : You are the boss. Quinn : Oh my God, you're so evil. I'm sure I'm gonna have nightmares about this drink. Why would you do that? Clay : So now we can say we both went throught it. David : Can I talk to you? Quinn : David. Look, this isn't the time or place for this. David : You're my wife, Quinn. Quinn : And you're drunk. Just go home and sleep it off, ok? We'll talk about it later. David : No, I want to talk about it now. Quinn : No, I don't want to. David : I want to talk about it now. Quinn : No. Clay : You need to back up. David : And you need to stay out of this, this is none of your business. Clay : I'm making it my business, alright? You think you're having a rough day. Nathan : Damn it, Clay. Alex : Fighting over a girl... huge turn on. Clay : I was just defending a friend. Alex : Well, that's good to know, I was getting a little jealous. You know, I'm still turned on though. How about I come over later and take care of that hand... and any other body part that might need special attention? Clay : Maybe some other time. You did great tonight, Alex. I'll see you. Woman Press : Nathan Scott! Do you have a comment regarding the allegations made about you in the National Informer? Nathan : Yes, I do have a comment. I'd just like to say, I'm very proud of my friend Brooke Davis. Tonight she reminded all of us just how talented she is. As for the other stuff, no I have no comment. Thanks. Victoria : I hate to admit it, but Millicent really did pull it off. Brooke : Yeah. And Alex really pulled it off her. Victoria : She did. That was a good idea. Brooke : Thank you. Victoria : I tell you what's not such a good idea... letting that girl got to close to Julian. Brooke : Alex? He just read some script she gave him. Julian is a good guy, mom. Victoria : Yes, he is. And I have a feeling she wrecked a few good guys in her day. Millicent : Hey, Alex. Listen, I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me tonight. I still can't believe that was me. Hum, I'll see you tomorrow. Alex : Hold on, bitch. There's no way I'm letting you go home. There's an after party that nobody's invited to, except us. You're going. Millicent : That's not really my scene. Alex : It is now. Look, don't worry I'll have your cute ass home before the sun comes up. And if you hate it, we'll leave. Come on, come on. Please? Say yes. Millicent : Yes. Alex : Yes. Let's go. Come on. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Mouth : Hey, Millie. It's me. I kinda had a bad night, so I was really hoping to talk to you. You always make me feel better. Anyway, I'm sure the show is great and I can't wait to hear all about it. I'll wait up. I love you. AT TRIC Julian : You know, even with all the models on this stage tonight the most beautiful woman at the show was backstage. Brooke : Thank you. Julian : No, I was talking about Victoria. I'm thinking of setting her up with my dad. Apparently she's in search of a lover. Brooke : What just happened? Julian : Don't ask. Brooke : Ok. I saw you talking to Alex. How did she take it when you told her you don't like the script? Julian : Actually, it turns out, she wrote it, and she needs some help. So I'm gonna work with her on that. Who knows? Maybe we can get it in a good enough shape and make a movie out of it. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS David : I don't know how I'm gonna do this. I don't know how to let you go. I don't know how to keep you. This isn't you, Quinn. Quinn : Maybe you're right, David. That's what I'm trying to figure out. David : Is this the life you want? Fancy parties, celebrities? Or is that the life you think you want. Quinn : Maybe a little of both. I want you to go home, David. I think it's time we move on with our lives. You need to go home and let go of me. David : I won't. Quinn : You're gonna have to. David : You know, you're... working hard to convince yourself that's it's over, but you'll never love me again. But nothing you do is gonna make me go with hope. Quinn : You'd be better off letting me go. Quinn : Give me a ride? Sure. Clay : Where to? Quinn : Your place. Clay : You sure you wanna do this? He'll never forgive you. Quinn : Just drive. IN THE STREET Haley : What are you doing here? Renee : He doesn't love you. Haley : Honey, you don't know what you're talking about. Renee : He told me while we were making love. Haley : Get the hell out of my way, slut. Renee : Maybe I am a slut, but that's what Nathan liked about me. He had me do all kinds of things to him that he said you would never... You're gonna pay for that one.	Plan: A: Nathan's scandal; Q: What becomes public? A: Brooke's fashion show; Q: Where does Clay get into a fist fight with Quinn's husband? A: Brooke; Q: Whose fashion show brings Millicent unexpected responsibility? A: Haley; Q: Who convinces Quinn to talk to her estranged husband? A: David; Q: Who does Haley convince Quinn to talk to? A: Mouth; Q: Who makes a decision that could threaten his career? A: Clay; Q: Who gets into a fist fight with Quinn's husband? A: Forever the Sickest Kids; Q: What band is the episode named after? Summary: Nathan's scandal becomes public. Brooke's fashion show brings an unexpected responsibility for Millicent, and Haley convinces Quinn to talk to her estranged husband David. Meanwhile, Mouth makes a decision that could threaten his career. At Brooke's fashion show, Clay gets into a fist fight with Quinn's husband. This episode is named after a song by Forever the Sickest Kids .
THE SAVAGES 5:35pm - 6:00pm [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 1 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (The Doctor is undergoing the transference process. The assistants continue to shout out the readings, as Senta supervises the operation. Senta calls out for confirmation of a reading.) 1st ASSISTANT: Negative. SENTA: Vitality is dropping - watch it carefully. Adjust cutout at 25 - don't reduce any lower or he may not recover. (The assistants bustle around the control room and laboratory, checking various monitoring devices. Amidst the activity, Jano enters.) JANO: Senta! Your message was passed on to me. You are to be congratulated. SENTA: It's a perfect transfer. JANO: Remarkable. How is the Doctor? SENTA: Reduced nervous tension of course, but in good condition. Given time, he will recover, and like the others, we'll be able to use him again. JANO: You realise what this means, Senta. If we are able to achieve this transfer successfully, we will be able to do the same with the other time travellers. SENTA: The young man and the girl? JANO: (Nodding.) As it is, they are a danger to us. But as a source of energy, they could be of great value. (Calling out.) Captain Edal. Send out patrols. The two young people who arrived with the Doctor must be brought in. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 2 - OUTSIDE THE CITY (Chal's people have led Steven and Dodo through the scrubland and into a small valley. One of the savages lies dazed on the ground nearby, having just undergone the transference process. Steven approaches the savage to help.) CHAL: Leave him. We have brought you here only for your safety. STEVEN: What have you done for the Doctor? CHAL: We can do nothing for him. STEVEN: If you don't fight them, you'll always suffer. CHAL: Obviously you have never faced the light guns. STEVEN: What is this place? Why have we come here? CHAL: To hide. That is where we live. (Chal points to the side of the valley. Amongst the rocks, there are numerous openings leading to caves.) DODO: Caves! You live there? CHAL: Yes. STEVEN: Like animals! CHAL: Like animals. It is the one place the guards will not follow. Even they hesitate to go into the darkness of those passages. TOR: (Rushing up to Chal.) There is news Chal. The patrols have been sent out. They are searching for the strangers. DODO: How do you know they are looking for us? TOR: They have not touched any of our people - and they are still hunting. STEVEN: Did you hear anything about the Doctor? TOR: He will have been used. DODO: You mean, they put him in that glass cell? Steven, what are we going to do? STEVEN: Don't worry, Dodo, we'll find him. CHAL: I must warn you, when you do find him, he will not be as you remember - they leave us afterwards only a hollow shell of ourselves. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 3 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (The assistants wheel the Doctor from the glass cubicle. As Senta examines the readings, Jano walks over.) JANO: What is his vitality? SENTA: It's down to twenty-five. We were very careful. JANO: And the energy count? SENTA: That's high. As a source of energy, his power is remarkably high. JANO: And he will recover? SENTA: Of course, but it will take time. JANO: Very well. And now I wish you to prepare for an in-transference. SENTA: So soon? JANO: The sooner the better. SENTA: You have nominated a number of people to receive part of his life force? JANO: No, there will be only one person. SENTA: That is most unusual. JANO: This is a most unusual experiment, Senta. It would not be right to jeopardise the safety of any other members of the city. I will take full responsibility. SENTA: You're going to take the in-transference yourself? JANO: Yes. SENTA: But Jano, is that wise? Anything might happen. We have never seen the results of such an in-transference before. JANO: It is for that reason that I will take the risk. I shall be ready when you need me. (Jano briskly leaves the control room.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 4 - OUTSIDE THE CITY (While on patrol in the scrubland, Edal and Exorse meet.) EDAL: Keep to your own division, Exorse. You're too far over. This is section K4. You should be beyond the scrubland. Go and see if they've tried to reach the Valley of Caves. EXORSE: Very good, Captain. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 5 - THE SAVAGES' CAVE (While Chal is talking to Steven and Dodo, one of the savages crosses to Chal and whispers something in his ear.) STEVEN: What is it? CHAL: A patrol is coming this way. TOR: I have warned you - they are looking for you. DODO: Will they come here? CHAL: Possibly. STEVEN: Where can we go? TOR: There is no place where you are safe. CHAL: Be silent! You will be safe in the caves. TOR: No Chal! You cannot take them into the caves. The guards would follow and then our last refuge would be gone. CHAL: They have helped us. We must help them. TOR: (Furiously.) No! They are not our people. They must not be allowed in the caves. CHAL: I am the leader. And I say they may go. TOR: Very well. Our destruction will be on your hands. CHAL: You will remain here. (To Steven and Dodo.) Come with me, quickly. (Led by Chal, Steven and Dodo walk through one of the entrances in the valley wall. As they enter the cave inside, Nanina shivers with fright when she sees the strangers.) CHAL: Nanina... do not worry. They are friends. WYLDA: They helped me. DODO: (Looking around in wonder.) It's beautiful - like a little temple. CHAL: (Waving his arm around the cave.) This is where we live. It is the one spot on this island which we can call our own. STEVEN: But, who's made all this? CHAL: Our people have done it. STEVEN: It's superb! CHAL: (Indicating the murals on the wall.) Our ancestors were great artists. As time passes, we are less able to do such things. Most of our talents have been taken from us. Only our faith remains. And that they will never take. TOR: (Calling from outside the cave.) Look out. The patrol is coming. (Outside the cave, Exorse has just stepped into the base of the valley. Noticing Tor nearby, Exorse yells out to him.) EXORSE: Stay where you are. Where are they? (Tor attempts to run away, but Exorse fires his light gun. Tor is trapped within the paralysing field of the light gun.) EXORSE: Next time, I will take you away. I asked you, where are the strangers? (Tor slowly turns his head towards the cave. Exorse immediately understands the signal.) EXORSE: Up there, are they? Right! (Exorse rushes towards the caves, but stops when he reaches the cave mouth.) NANINA: (Whispering to Chal.) What is happening? CHAL: He is coming this way. NANINA: Go back - I will watch. EXORSE: (Speaking into the cave.) You have the two strangers. Tell them to come here. NANINA: There are no strangers. STEVEN: Let me see what's going on. NANINA: Stay down there! (But Steven ignores Nanina's protests, and strides to the front of the cave. He joins Nanina.) STEVEN: (Crouching out of sight.) How many guards? NANINA: There's only one, but he has a gun. DODO: What's he doing now? NANINA: It's no use. He's coming here. (Exorse slowly moves towards the cave entrance. He holds his light gun nervously in front of him, ready to act at the sign of any trouble.) STEVEN: (Whispering to Chal.) Isn't there any other way out of this place? CHAL: There are the passages but they don't lead anywhere. DODO: You mean we're trapped? CHAL: No, no, they will give us a chance. There are many passages and he may not know which one to follow. Come with me. (Chal leads Steven and Dodo towards the back of the cave. At that moment, Exorse reaches the cave entrance, and peers inside.) EXORSE: This is an order. Bring out the strangers. I know they are there. (Chal quickly hurries Steven and Dodo into one of the many corridors leading off from the main cavern.) STEVEN: What will happen to him? CHAL: They can do no worse than they have done before. DODO: We don't want to bring any more suffering on your people. EXORSE: (Calling out.) Very well, I will come and get them myself. CHAL: (Beckoning Steven and Dodo down the passage.) Quickly! This way. (At that moment, Exorse walks into the cave, and takes in the surroundings quickly. Noticing Nanina, he strides over to her.) EXORSE: The strangers, girl, where are they? Tell me or you will suffer. NANINA: I will tell you nothing. EXORSE: After I find them, I shall teach you to obey. (Exorse turns to Wylda.) EXORSE: Where are they? (Wylda remains silent.) EXORSE: Very well. (Exorse moves towards the back of the cave, when he notices another savage lurking nearby. He points the light gun threateningly at the savage.) EXORSE: I shall take you back in their place. NANINA: Don't talk! SAVAGE: (Alarmed.) They have gone into the face of the rock! (Exorse turns around, and scans the back of the cavern. He notices that there are a number of passageways, all leading into the gloomy interior of the mountain. He turns back to the savage, and raises his light gun.) EXORSE: Which opening? Which opening? Get back! (The savage hurriedly points to one of the passages.) NANINA: (Bitterly.) You have betrayed them. SAVAGE: But he would have taken me! (Exorse cautiously moves into the passageway. Further on down the passageway, Chal is leading Steven and Dodo.) DODO: Where does this lead to? CHAL: Only further into the rocks. DODO: There's no way out? CHAL: No. DODO: Listen! (Back along the passage, Exorse is moving slowly through the darkness. He stops momentarily, trying to detect the sounds of movement ahead.) STEVEN: (Listening carefully.) I don't hear anything. CHAL: I'm not sure. Come on. (Chal, Steven and Dodo continue through the darkness. Further behind, Exorse has detected the slight sounds of movement. He smiles.) DODO: Isn't there any place to hide? CHAL: I'm afraid the echo... STEVEN: But she's right though. We don't stand a chance if all the passages are as narrow as this. CHAL: I can promise nothing, but he may not follow. STEVEN: How much more of this passage is there? CHAL: Very little. But it is our only chance. EXORSE: (Shouting into the darkness.) I know you are there, strangers. There is no escape for you. It will be better for you if you turn back now. DODO: It's no good Steven. EXORSE: Do you hear me? STEVEN: (Pointing ahead.) What's that? CHAL: It is the last bend - after that, there is nothing. STEVEN: Go on. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 6 - ENTRANCE TO CAVE (Back at the cave mouth, Tor appears, having recovered from the effects of the light gun. He walks over to Wylda and Nanina.) TOR: Where are they now? WYLDA: They've gone into the rock. TOR: And the guard? NANINA: He's followed. (Pointing to the guilty savage.) He showed him the way. TOR: Chal should not have brought the strangers here. They will punish all of us! NANINA: But the strangers helped us. TOR: What good is that if they make the leaders angry? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 7 - THE SAVAGES' CAVE (Exorse makes his way through the cave, becoming bolder with every step. He holds his light gun carefully in front of him.) EXORSE: Come back, strangers. There is no escape. STEVEN: (Shouting back.) Then come and get us. CHAL: (Horrified.) He knows we are here. STEVEN: If I can get him angry, he might do something rash. (He turns and shouts down the passageway.) STEVEN: Come on, soldier boy, what are you frightened of? You've got the gun. CHAL: He will destroy us all! STEVEN: How will he do that? CHAL: With the gun. STEVEN: Tell me, how will he use it? CHAL: What does it matter! STEVEN: Hurry up, I've got to know! Tell me! How does it work? CHAL: They shine the liquid light beam on us, and we cannot move. STEVEN: Does the beam reflect? CHAL: How do you mean? STEVEN: If the light from the gun reflects, does it still work? CHAL: Yes, yes, I have seen it from the water of the lake. STEVEN: Quick Dodo, give me that mirror. Now come on, get on the floor, both of you. CHAL: It's no use! (Dodo hands the mirror to Steven, as she and Chal lie on the ground. Exorse stands a few metres from the slight bend in the passageway ahead.) EXORSE: You are foolish to think you can defy me. Have the people of the caves not told you you cannot resist us? STEVEN: (Shouting back.) We're going to change all that, soldier boy. Come on, what are you frightened of? EXORSE: The travellers from beyond time are indeed foolish people. (But Steven's taunts have had the desired effect. Exorse, abandoning all attempts at stealth, moves around the bend of his passageway, and fires his light gun. Dodo lifts her head up to look.) STEVEN: Keep down! CHAL: Don't let it shine on you. Don't let it touch your eyes. STEVEN: Quiet! DODO: It's coming closer. (The light beam ricochets off the rocky wall, illuminating the path ahead. Keeping his finger on the light gun's "trigger", Exorse moves further around the bend, illuminating the passage ahead of him.) EXORSE: Now do you understand strangers? We are masters. CHAL: We must go. We must obey. STEVEN: Hold him Dodo. (Chal tries to get up, but Dodo holds him down.) STEVEN: This might just work. (Chal makes an effort to escape, but Dodo holds him down.) CHAL: It is useless, stranger. STEVEN: Well done Dodo. Now for it. EXORSE: I will give you no more orders. You will step into the light. (The light beam slowly approaches Chal, Steven and Dodo, who are standing at the end of the passageway. Steven holds out Dodo's mirror to one side. The light beam is only a few centimetres away. Steven stretches his arm, and eventually catches the light beam. The ray is reflected back down the passage. As Exorse appears in front of Chal, Steven and Dodo, the light beam strikes him directly in the face. Exorse is rendered immobile, and drops his gun to the floor. Steven quickly scrambles towards Exorse, snatching the gun from the floor. Steven presses the button and directs a beam of light straight into Exorse's face. As expected, Exorse is powerless to move.) STEVEN: (Keeping the gun directed on Exorse.) Right, now turn. Come on, move! CHAL: (In awe.) He has taken the guard prisoner. It is impossible! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 8 - THE CAVE ENTRANCE (The remainder of the savages are waiting in the cave entrance. Any minute now, they expect Exorse to return...) NANINA: They're coming back. TOR: We should not have angered him. What will happen to us? He has taken them prisoners. (As expected, Exorse reappears in the cave entrance. But the savages are stunned into silence when they realise that Exorse is under the power of the light gun. Steven appears soon after, brandishing the light gun. Once Exorse is in the middle of the cavern, Steven switches off the light gun. Exorse collapses to the floor.) NANINA: It's the guard! (Tor is speechless with amazement.) TOR: He has the gun. NANINA: We're safe. STEVEN: Right, tie him up. Make him a prisoner. TOR: You can destroy the people of the city. (Turning to the other savages.) They can destroy our enemies. The strangers must be gods. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 9 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (The Doctor is lying unconscious on the operating trolley.) 1st ASSISTANT: Are we to release him into the outer world as with the others? SENTA: He is not one of the savages. He couldn't look after himself. No, he will be kept here. The elders intended to give him the guest apartments. He must be taken there. Assist him. (The assistants help the Doctor to his feet.) SENTA: Treat him with great care. He is most valuable to us. 1st ASSISTANT: I understand, Senta. (Senta walks into the laboratory to find an impatient Jano.) JANO: You are ready? SENTA: Yes - I've sent my assistants away. JANO: You are right. It is most important that we keep this in-transference secret until we know the results. I don't wish to alarm anyone. SENTA: Shall we begin? (Senta leads Jano to a chair set in a recess. It is lined with monitoring equipment. Jano sits on the chair, well aware of the procedure.) JANO: I am ready. (Senta operates a control, causing a glass panel to slide down in front of Jano. Senta picks up a microphone, and directs his message to Jano.) SENTA: All will go well. I shall switch on when you give me the signal. (Jano nods. Senta bustles around the laboratory, switching on a number of control devices. The two energy vats start to bubble with activity. Simultaneously, Jano's cubicle is filled with gas.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 10 - THE CAVE ENTRANCE (The savages have gathered around Exorse.) TOR: (Laughing at Exorse.) We shall kill him while we have the chance. STEVEN: He's more use to us alive. TOR: They have killed many of our people. It would be justice. NANINA: Leave him. TOR: Why do you pity him Nanina? This is the guard that took you. Think what they do even now to the old man. STEVEN: And if we're quick, we may still be able to help the Doctor. TOR: It is too late - there is nothing we can... CHAL: Be silent! What do you wish us to do? STEVEN: Show us how to get into the city. CHAL: There is a way, but it is dangerous. It is always guarded. STEVEN: (Holding up the gun.) I can handle the guards with this. Just show me how to get in. NANINA: And once you're in? STEVEN: Dodo and I can find the Doctor. CHAL: Do you know where he is? DODO: He was supposed to go to the guest apartment. NANINA: It will not be possible. STEVEN: We must try. CHAL: Very well, I will show you - but we must hurry. (Chal leads Steven and Dodo from the cave mouth.) STEVEN: (Turning back to the remainder of the savages.) Guard your prisoner - make sure he doesn't get away. NANINA: Good luck go with you. (As Chal, Steven and Dodo walk off, Tor immediately realises this is the perfect opportunity for revenge.) TOR: (Indicating Exorse.) The safest way to deal with him is to kill him now. (Tor swings his club, but Nanina rushes forward and catches his hand. Although Exorse is still struck by the club, most of the strength has been taken out of the blow.) NANINA: You heard what Chal said! I shall call him back! (Tor tosses away his club in anger and moves to the back of the cave.) NANINA: (To Exorse.) Has he hurt you? EXORSE: Not much. NANINA: Let me see. (Looking at his arm.) I shall make sure it is clean. EXORSE: You're the girl I brought into the laboratory. NANINA: Yes. EXORSE: Why did you stop him? NANINA: It would do no good to kill you. EXORSE: What is your name? NANINA: Nanina. EXORSE: I shall remember. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 11 - OUTSIDE THE CITY (Chal has brought Steven and Dodo to the edge of the city.) CHAL: (Pointing through the scrub.) The entrance is there. It opens into a passage which leads to the laboratory. STEVEN: Can you be sure? CHAL: Yes. It is the way we leave when they have taken our strength away. (At that moment, a guard strolls into view. He casually sits down, and removes some food from his pocket. He begins to eat.) DODO: Down! STEVEN: It's not as though he's not expecting trouble... CHAL: Our people have been oppressed for so long the guards have grown careless. STEVEN: Alright, we'll make use of that. How close in do I have to go before this becomes effective? CHAL: Just a little further. STEVEN: (Moving forward.) Right. You two stay here. (The guard has detected the sounds of movement, but is unconcerned.) GUARD: Hello there? Is that you Exorse? (Steven suddenly jumps into view, brandishing the light gun. The guard scrambles for his own weapon, but is unable to react quickly enough. Steven fires, causing the guard to freeze in mid-action.) STEVEN: Dodo, Chal! (Dodo and Chal rush over.) STEVEN: Get his gun. CHAL: Switch off your light. (Steven immediately switches off the light gun.) DODO: (Looking at the guard.) He's flat out. CHAL: The light must have hit his eyes. It is as if he was struck by a club. He will be like this for a long time. STEVEN: How do we open the door? CHAL: It's simple. (Chal operates a control, causing the door to glide open.) STEVEN: Right, Chal, take this fellow up into the bushes - we don't want anyone to find him here. Then wait for us. CHAL: What will you do? STEVEN: Dodo and I are going inside. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 12 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (Senta is monitoring the computer read-outs attached to Jano's cubicle. He speaks into the microphone again.) SENTA: In-transference completed. Pressure restored. Are you all right Jano? Jano?! (Senta presses another button, causing the glass panel to slide away. Jano steps into view.) SENTA: Jano? (Jano is holding his thumbs in the front of his jacket, in a manner uncannily like the Doctor. Jano peers at Senta sharply, while standing more upright. His whole personality has changed...) SENTA: Are you all right Jano? For a moment I was afraid that... JANO: (Grouchily.) What? What's all the fuss about? Hmm? I'm quite all right. The trouble with you people on this planet is that you don't... SENTA: What do you mean Jano? You belong to this planet. You're one of us. JANO: One of... (Shaking his head.) ...yes, yes of course. I'm afraid I'm not quite myself. SENTA: I understand. You must rest Jano. I shall give instructions that you are not to be disturbed. JANO: Hmm! An excellent idea. After an experience like that, one takes time to become adjusted. I suppose my two young friends... SENTA: Avon and Flower? JANO: Good gracious no, no, no. Steven and Dodo, the child with the ridiculous name. SENTA: The strangers? JANO: (Sharply.) Oh! Strangers to you, perhaps, but I have known them both... (Shaking his head again.) ...yes, yes of course, the strangers. SENTA: I will leave you, Jano. (Senta walks off, leaving Jano alone in the laboratory. Jano stares around his surroundings as if this was his first visit here. After a quick glance at his own clothing, his eyes slowly scan through the room.) JANO: Hmm! So I'm in this dreadful place, am I? Well, I'll soon do something about their equipment. (Picking up a large bar, Jano prepares to smash one of the instruments. He brings the bar back over his shoulder... and then stops, dropping the bar on the floor.) JANO: What's happened to me? What's happened to me? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 13 - EMERGENCY CORRIDOR U-3 (Steven and Dodo move cautiously along the corridor.) DODO: Steven, there's something wrong. It shouldn't be so easy to get in. STEVEN: Chal and his people will be too terrified to break in. DODO: Surely they should have some security? STEVEN: Maybe they thought one guard was enough. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 14 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (In the control room, Captain Edal is looking at a scanner. It shows Steven and Dodo cautiously walking down the corridor. Senta appears from the laboratory and joins Edal.) EDAL: They're not going to give us much trouble. A little bit further and they'll have no chance to get back. SENTA: It looks as though they're stopping. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 15 - EMERGENCY CORRIDOR U-3 (Dodo grabs hold of Steven's arm, bringing Steven to a halt.) DODO: Steven, there's something strange. I don't want to go on. STEVEN: It's our only chance. We've got to find the Doctor. DODO: Listen! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 16 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (Edal turns away from the scanner and reaches for a microphone.) EDAL: We'll just have to coax them in a little. (Speaking into the microphone.) Hello, guest apartment control. Captain Edal speaking. Conduct time traveller number one to the end of emergency corridor U-3. You are to leave the Doctor there by himself. Take him there immediately - this is urgent. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 17 - EMERGENCY CORRIDOR U-3 (Dodo and Steven continue to stand still. They peer nervously down the corridor.) DODO: This is the corridor I was in before. There's a T-junction just ahead. STEVEN: Can we get into the laboratory that way? DODO: Yes. STEVEN: Come on. DODO: Alright. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 18 - SENTA'S LABORATORY GUARD: (From speaker.) Time traveller number one in position. EDAL: Good. Release him. And stay out of sight until I give the signal. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 19 - EMERGENCY CORRIDOR U-3 (Steven and Dodo slowly walk towards the junction in the corridor.) DODO: Here's the T-junction all right. (Stopping in alarm.) There's someone there! STEVEN: (Peering into the semi-darkness.) You're right. Stand by. (Dodo prevents Steven from acting when there is a familiar groan from ahead.) STEVEN AND DODO: Doctor! DODO: Oh it's wonderful to see you. (Dodo and Steven rush forward. The Doctor is leaning against the wall, mouth wide open in exhaustion. He does not seem to notice Steven and Dodo's presence...) STEVEN: Are you all right? How did you get here? DODO: Why doesn't he answer? STEVEN: Are you all right Doctor? (The Doctor merely groans.) STEVEN: Come on - we're going to get you out of this place. DODO: He's not moving Steven - give him a hand. STEVEN: Come on. (The Doctor groans again. At that moment, there is a grinding sound from back down the corridor.) STEVEN: What was that? DODO: The door! (The door at the end of the corridor begins to close. Steven dashes forward and catches hold of it. Using all his strength, he attempts to keep the door open.) STEVEN: (Gasping.) Dodo, quickly! (Dodo rushes over and assists Steven. Their combined strength manages to keep the door open. But during all this, the Doctor has remained in his zombie-like state.) STEVEN: Doctor... come on now, you can get through! (The Doctor makes no effort to move.) DODO: Steven, I can't hold on much longer. STEVEN: Doctor! Doctor! (The pressure of the door is too much for Steven and Dodo to handle. They fall back to the floor in exhaustion, as the door slides into place.) DODO: (To the Doctor.) What have they done to you? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 20 - SENTA'S LABORATORY EDAL: (Speaking into microphone.) Guards to Emergency Corridor U-3. Use destructive vapours as protection against the light gun. Move up behind! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 21 - EMERGENCY CORRIDOR U-3 (At that moment, a thick white smoke starts to fill the corridor. It first appears from the other end of the corridor, but slowly approaches Steven and Dodo.) DODO: Look! STEVEN: (Peering into the smoke.) There's someone behind us! (Steven fires the light gun, but the beam fails to penetrate the dense gas.) DODO: That's no good, Steven. We've got to get out. (They both turn their attention back to the door, but the cloud of smoke is rolling ever nearer.) DODO: Oh quickly Steven! He's getting nearer. (Dodo begins to cough as the fumes catch her throat. Through the cloud, two masked guards appear. Frantically, Steven hammers on the closed door that blocks their exit.) DODO: Can't see anything. STEVEN: We've got to go through it Dodo. (They both cough. Steven and Dodo try to open the door.) DODO: I can't... STEVEN: Come on Dodo. DODO: I can't... (The door refuses to move. Despite all these events, the Doctor has not moved. The cloud swirls around him...)	Plan: A: a far-distant and seemingly idyllic world; Q: Where has the TARDIS arrived? A: the Doctor; Q: Who is helpless to prevent the Elders from exploitation? A: Steven; Q: Who agrees to remain behind on the planet to become leader of the newly united Elders and Savages? A: a terrible secret; Q: What does the world the TARDIS has arrived on hide? A: the apparently civilised Elders; Q: Who is draining the life-force of the Savages? A: their advanced society; Q: What do the Elders maintain by draining and transferring the life-force of the defenceless Savages? A: his own people; Q: Who does Jano turn against? A: the Savages; Q: Who does Jano enlist to destroy the Elders' transference laboratory? Summary: Missing episode The TARDIS has arrived on a far-distant and seemingly idyllic world. Yet the Doctor, Steven and Dodo learn it hides a terrible secret: the apparently civilised Elders maintain their advanced society by draining and transferring to themselves the life-force of the defenceless Savages. Outraged at this exploitation, the Doctor is seemingly helpless to prevent it when some of his own life-force is tapped by the Elders' leader, Jano. In the process, however, Jano also acquires some of the Doctor's attitudes and conscience. Turning against his own people, he enlists the Savages to destroy the Elders' transference laboratory - a task with which the time travellers gladly assist. Steven agrees to remain behind on the planet to become leader of the newly united Elders and Savages.
DESTINY OF THE DALEKS BY: TERRY NATION Running time:24:32 [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: So, the long darkness has ended and the eternity of waiting is over. The resurrection has come, as I always knew it would. Now, where are my Daleks? DAVROS: Doctor. DOCTOR: Davros. You don't look a day older and I'd hoped you were dead. DAVROS: Dead? I do not die. Mark this moment, Doctor. In the history of the universe, this moment is unique. Davros lives! DOCTOR: Yes, well, I can see your long rest hasn't done anything to cure your megalomania. Have a jelly baby. DAVROS: Where are you taking me? [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK 2: Entry to level three has been cleared. DALEK: All units to proceed immediately. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Seek and locate. Seek and locate. Do not deviate. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Charts indicate objective located in this precise position. Objective has been removed from this location. DALEK 2: Surface disturbance. Humanoid footprints. Follow. Follow. Follow. DALEK: All units full alert. Emergency. Emergency. Emergency. Emergency. DALEK: Emergency! DAVROS: You will release me. You will return me to the Daleks. DOCTOR: Shut up or I'll switch you off. DOCTOR: Quick, back this way. DOCTOR: Tyssan, back down the corridor and check it. You give me a hand with this. DOCTOR: It's shifting. Stand back. DOCTOR: Well, you didn't do that very well, did you. ROMANA: I didn't do it very well? DOCTOR: No, you didn't. Tyssan? TYSSAN: The corridor's full of Daleks. DOCTOR: What? Then we're effectively boxed in. We're too exposed here. Come on, get him. Let's get under cover. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Get that door up. Make some sort of barrier. DOCTOR: Good, good. ROMANA: That wouldn't keep out a determined mouse. DOCTOR: Well, it's got to serve. Now listen to me carefully, you two. I want you both to get out through, come over here. Good. Now, get back to the Movellan spaceship, tell them to mobilise a force and bring it here. It's vital we get Davros out of here before the Daleks find us. Off you go. ROMANA: We'll be as quick as we can. DOCTOR: Don't take too many chances. Come on, quick. DOCTOR: Well. Well, now we've a little time to ourselves, I'll fill you in on some of the events that have taken place during the centuries you've been, er, dozing. DAVROS: Well? DOCTOR: Well, Arcturus won the Galactic Olympic Games. Betelgeuse came a close second. The economy on Algo's in a terrible state due to irreversible inflation DAVROS: Doctor! DOCTOR: What? Yes? DAVROS: Do you believe your puny efforts can change the course of destiny? DOCTOR: Well, let's just say I might tamper with it. DAVROS: Destiny, Doctor. DOCTOR: What? DAVROS: Invincible necessity. DOCTOR: Oh, that, that, yes. DAVROS: Power. My power. My invincibility. My supreme plan to control BOTH: The universe. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I've heard all that before. Now do be a good chap, eh? Stay quiet. DOCTOR: I've got to concentrate. DAVROS: Errors of the past will be rectified. I will add new design elements to the Dalek's circuitry. They will be armed with new weaponry. Weaponry so devastating that all matter will succumb to its power. I will equip them with all the knowledge of the universe DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, we've heard all that. The Daleks can do all that for themselves. DAVROS: The Daleks need me. DOCTOR: What? The Daleks left you for dead centuries ago. You've given them all you've got. What do they want you for now, eh? What's so special about the Movellans that they need your help again, eh? [SCENE_BREAK] SHARREL: The Daleks have gained their objective. Their objective has been identified. SHARREL: Name, Davros. Function, creator of the Daleks. Species type, mutant humanoid. This data will be processed. Strategy will be determined shortly. [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA: How much further? TYSSAN: Across that next rise. Shouldn't take long now. TYSSAN: We could go back, take another way around. ROMANA: We haven't got that long. It's only a question of time before the Daleks find the Doctor. TYSSAN: Get under cover. I'll try and lead them off. When I get clear I'll get to the ship as soon as I can. ROMANA: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: There, that should do it. Very good. Well, aren't you going to ask me what it is? All right, I'll tell you anyway. Life insurance. What were we talking about? DAVROS: Your inevitable destruction. DOCTOR: No, no, no, we had that conversation last time we met. I'm more interested in your survival. I saw you destroyed. The Daleks blasted you at point-blank range. DAVROS: Ha! There was damage to my primary life support system. The secondary and back-up circuits switch in immediately. Synthetic tissue regeneration took place whilst bodily organs were held in long-term suspension. DOCTOR: Blimey, wasn't that outstaying your welcome in rather a big way? DAVROS: Until the Dalek's universal supremacy is accomplished, I cannot allow myself the luxury of death. DOCTOR: Oh, poor Davros. DAVROS: However, it is a luxury I shall delight in bestowing upon you. DOCTOR: You're very generous. DAVROS: Since my entombment, I have no knowledge of the advancement of my Daleks. Of course they have achieved great things. DOCTOR: Oh yes, oh yes. They've wreaked havoc and destruction, destroyed countless innocent lives DAVROS: Only the beginning! Now I have returned, the campaign will begin in earnest. I have slept but now I have awakened, and the universe will be sorry. DOCTOR: Davros, you. I have slept but now I have awakened and the universe will be. You're misquoting Napoleon! One day I'll tell you what happened to him, too. DAVROS: Armed with new technology, I will DALEK 2: You will move into the open. If you fail to obey in five seconds, you will be exterminated. One, two, three, four DOCTOR: Hold it, hold it. Now, tell them what I've got here. DAVROS: He is holding a primed explosive device. DOCTOR: And one false move and it goes right down inside his chair. I'll turn Davros and his life-support system into scrap metal. Now back off! DALEK 2: We obey only Davros. DAVROS: He is simply buying time. Do as he says. DOCTOR: Do as he says. DALEK 2: We obey. DOCTOR: I believe this is what's called a Mexican stand-off. DAVROS: Ha. How long do you think you can sustain your advantage, alone and against such odds. DOCTOR: Ha, ha. Wouldn't you like to know, eh? Wouldn't you like to know? DOCTOR: Wouldn't I like to know. [SCENE_BREAK] SHARREL: What's happened? ROMANA: The Doctor, he needs help. Where did you get that picture? How do you know about Davros? SHARREL: We have our means. Mobilise unit five. You will remain here. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Attention, attention. The action we are about to take is your responsibility. It will cease only when you agree to total surrender. DOCTOR: Now what? DALEK: Exterminate. DALEK: Exterminate! DOCTOR: Stop! DALEK: You surrender? DOCTOR: All right. All right. You can have Davros, but only on my conditions. DALEK: State them. DOCTOR: All slave workers to be released immediately and allowed to leave the city. DALEK: Continue. DOCTOR: Nothing to come in here until I'm out and in the clear. DALEK: Conditions unacceptable. Exterminations will continue. DOCTOR: Stop! One more killing and I detonate the device. I'll destroy Davros. DALEK: Logic unacceptable. Detonation would also destroy you. DOCTOR: Yes, you hadn't foreseen that one, had you. DALEK: Self-sacrifice illogical, therefore impossible. Exterminations will continue. DAVROS: Agree. Agree to his terms. He will do what he says. His logic is impaired by irrational sentiment. Agree. I, Davros, command it. DALEK: We obey. DALEK: The workers have been released. DOCTOR: Good, good. Now, I'll need one minute to get clear. Get back! I told you this was life insurance. I've adapted the device to explode by remote control. DOCTOR: All I have to do is squeeze my sonic screwdriver and boom, boom, Davros. DAVROS: You need not elaborate, Doctor. DOCTOR: Just so long as you've got it clear. DAVROS: We'll meet again, Doctor. Never doubt it. We'll meet again. DOCTOR: Don't you be so sure. DALEK: Exterminate the prisoners. DAVROS: Quickly, the explosive. He will detonate. DAVROS: Remove the explosive! DALEK: We obey. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: Come. There is much to be done. You must tell me of all the victories the Daleks have won whilst I have slept. And all the defeats. I shall learn from your mistakes. The Daleks shall be made into perfect creatures. They will be invincible! The Daleks will rule the universe! [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA: Oh yes, the Doctor knows more about the Daleks than anyone. SHARREL: He is an expert in robotics? ROMANA: An absolute genius. SHARREL: You'll be safer here. You will stay. ROMANA: But you're dead. SHARREL: Emission power? AGELLA: Level three. Consciousness will not return for some time. SHARREL: Prepare the Nova device. We must be ready to destroy this planet as soon as we've secured our new objective, the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Seek and locate. Seek and locate. DALEK 3: We obey. DOCTOR: Oh, a Kaled mutant. Of course. The Dalek's were originally organic lifeforms. I think you've just told me what the Daleks want with Davros, haven't you. TYSSAN: Doctor. Doctor. DOCTOR: Tyssan. TYSSAN: I've been looking for you. It's hard to move around, though. There are Dalek patrols everywhere. DOCTOR: Yes, so I've seen. TYSSAN: I found the other prisoners. They told me what you'd done to free them. They're very grateful. DOCTOR: Oh, it was nothing, nothing. Where are they now? TYSSAN: Hiding. If we can lay our hands on some weapons, I'm hoping to turn them into some sort of fighting force. DOCTOR: That could be very useful, Tyssan. DALEK: Remain where you are. You will turn and walk ahead of me. If you make any attempt to escape you will be extermi ... DOCTOR: Awfully decent of you. Very grateful. CASSANDRA: You will accompany me back to our spacecraft. DOCTOR: Well, all in good time. There are a few things I want to do first. CASSANDRA: That is not a request. It is an order. Move! DOCTOR: I do seem to be in demand today. Come on, Tyssan. TYSSAN: What the devil? Why did she turn against you? DOCTOR: I'm not sure she was ever for me. TYSSAN: What are you doing? DOCTOR: Just as I thought. Just another race of robots, no better than the Daleks. [SCENE_BREAK] LAN: Ready. LAN: Make sure the seals are tight. Right, move back. MOVELLAN: How does it work? LAN: It changes the molecular structure of the atmosphere. The atoms become flammable. If the Nova device was activated outside the protective shielding, the atmosphere surrounding this planet would burn up in seconds. [SCENE_BREAK] AGELLA: Lan reports the Nova device functions perfectly. SHARREL: Excellent. Unfortunately, our attempts to capture the Doctor have failed so far. What we need is some way to get him out into the open. Take her. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Tyssan, get back out of sight.	Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who questions Davros about how he has survived? A: the bunker; Q: Where is Davros hidden? A: the Daleks; Q: Who is Davros hiding from? A: Romana; Q: Who is taken hostage by the Movellans? A: their will; Q: What do the Movellans want the Doctor to submit to? A: his suspicions; Q: What does the Doctor confirm about the Movellans? Summary: The Doctor arrives at Davros's hidden location in the bunker ahead of the Daleks, and questions Davros about how he has survived all this time. The Doctor then threatens his way out. Romana is taken hostage by the Movellans in order to get the Doctor to submit to their will while the Doctor confirms his suspicions about the Movellans.
Lola: Hey, Glenn, you want to try some peanut brittle? Glenn: Uh, no way, Lola. Last time you tried this on me, I opened it and a bunch of snakes popped out. Lola: I know. But this time, it's just peanut brittle. I promise. Glenn: Hmm. It does look tasty. Lola: Yeah. Glenn: All right. Cool. I'm gonna try it later. Lola: Okay. See you later. Glenn: Thank you. Blake: You were incredible in there, Owen. Owen: Tell me something I don't know. Blake: Okay, uh, all interstates that run north-south have odd numbers. Think about it. I-95, I-75. Owen: I did not know that. Blake: Yeah. Owen: Now I know. Glenn: [ Sniffs ] [ Mid-tempo music plays ] It's good. Sal: Attention, staff. Ladies get 50% off today. We just came in for an appendectomy because it's so much cheaper tonight. And can you give him six flu shots now? Just trying to take advantage of the ladies night discount. Blake: Can I get some of that? Thank you. Glenn: Ladies night is the perfect night to meet women because it combines their two favorite things. Blake: Cooking and cleaning? Glenn: No. Owen: Ryan gosling and rice pudding? Glenn: No. Blake: Tattoo and tattoo removal? Glenn: No. Saving money and taking care of their kids. It is the perfect night to have sx with vulnerable babes. [ Laughs ] Cat: Ladies night sucks. All the guys turn into walking, talking guys with penises. Lola: Yeah! Owen: I cannot wait to dive into some of this single-mom tail. Glenn: [ Laughs ] Lola: If men can't respect us women as smart and powerful colleagues that we are, then they don't deserve to be around us. Cat: That's right. I mean, girl doctors can be just like real doctors if we were only given a chance. Lola: Let's get out of here. Cat: Yeah. Dori: Wait, doctors. You have patients waiting. Cat: Not now, Dori! We're getting out of here! Dori: Oh. Glenn: So, tell me, did it hurt? Yes. My tummy hurts. Glenn: I am not talking to you! So, did it hurt when you fell down from heaven? Because falls like that tend to hurt... Stacy. Owen: Oh. It's a good thing I know how to do CPR on myself because you take my breath away... Stacy. Blake: I'm a very giving person, both in my medical practice and my relationships. I'm looking for a special lady to share that with... "stomach cramps." Stacy: What is going on here? Are you gonna look at my son or...? [ Men chuckle ] Glenn: You have a voice -- a voice like a hummingbird. Blake: I'm a serial monogamist. Glenn: I like that you care. You know, so many people nowadays don't care anymore. Owen: I bleach my teeth. Stacy: His stomach started to hurt -- Blake: You're a natural storyteller. Owen: I'll take a look at your son. I don't -- Owen: I have a speedboat. Sy: Dr. Richie. A woman has specifically requested you by name. Glenn: Sy, please. This child needs my help. Sy: No, you don't understand. She said you were the handsomest, smartest doctor in the hospital! Glenn: I got to go. Blake: So, uh, is there a Mr. stomach cramps? Whoa! Owen: Don't worry. You're in Dr. Maestro's hands now. Good, 'cause my stomach really hurts! Owen: I am not talking to you! Stacy: [ Chuckles ] Glenn: The doctor is in, and I hear someone needs an injection of -- mom?! What are you doing here? What does it look like I'm doing here? I'm having a baby. Glenn: You're pregnant? You think I'm this fat all the time? Oh, thank you very much, Mr. man. Glenn: Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?! I didn't want to worry you. The bottom line is I'm having this baby tonight, and God forbid I should want my doctor son to deliver his sibling. Glenn: But it's ladies night. So your mother's not a lady now? I have an engorged vg1n*, but that's not enough to convince my son that I'm a lady. Glenn: Fine. You're a lady. Lola: I'm proud to be a woman. Oh, let's get some fish tacos! Cat: Well, yelp says the best ones are at this bar in the market district. Lola: Isn't that a low-income neighborhood? Cat: Honey, the best ones usually are. Both: Girl power! Dori: Me, too! Girl power! Stacy: Well, I certainly didn't come here expecting this to happen. Owen: [ Chuckles ] Stacy: It's all so overwhelming. [ Clears throat ] Owen: That's for you. Stacy: Is it your phone number? Or let me guess -- is it your e-mail address? I'm on e-mail now. My nephew's got me all set up on e-mail. Owen: No, it's a prescription for your kid. Stacy: Oh. Owen: Oh, I'm sorry. Stacy: Yeah? Owen: It also might cause diarrhea. ♪ I say tomato ♪ ♪ you say it's over ♪ Lola: [ Scoffs ] "Ladies night." Oh, brother. Cat: Let's just find a seat. Make the best of it. ♪ I think we ought to ♪ I wouldn't sit there, ladies. This table's reserved. Lola: For who?! Chief: For me! Oh, hey, ladies! Paco! A round for my coworkers. Lola: Chief, what are you doing here? Chief: I think the question is what are you gals not doing here every night like I am here? I come here every night. Yep, this is my favorite place to gather with my fellow sistas and celebrate the female experience. Cat: Are you saying that this place is entirely guy-free? Chief: You bet your sweet ass it is. Hey, and now that I'm seeing that thing, you do have an exceptionally sweet ass. Lola: It is so nice to finally get a female's perspective on such topics as Cat's ass. Ladies, I think we've come to the right place. Sal: Attention, staff. Keep your laws and, more immediately, your hands off my body. Glenn: I'm missing the fun! Glen!! Glenn: Coming! Ohh! Where were you? Glenn: I was gone for two seconds, mom. Geez. You never call. You never check my cervix. Glenn: I just checked your cervix! You're six centimeters! Would it kill you to check again? It is so much for a mother to want her son to check her dilation with regular frequency? Oh, by the way. Since you gave me the epidural, I can't tell if I soiled the sheets or not. Glenn: I can. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Up-tempo music plays ] [ Cheering ] Ohh! Yes! Shh, shh, shh, shh. Lola: [ Sighs ] [ Indistinct shouting ] Pistore! Pistore. [ Cheering ] Ugh. [ Indistinct shouting ] Whoo! Chief: Well, Cat, I got you a plate of rice and beans. Best I could do. I can't believe we're out of fish tacos. Cat: Just my luck. I feel like I've been waiting forever to get my mouth on a fish taco, and I don't know if it will ever happen. [ Breathes heavily ] Blake: Hi. I know you're hurting right now. I get it. I'd like to take you out for a cup of coffee. Let me give you my Internet name. I'm all set up on e-mail. Blake: Whoa! Stacy: Excuse me! Sy: Yes? Stacy: This is supposed to be a half-priced hospital for ladies. Instead, it feels like a pickup joint! Sy: Oh, no, no. Of course this is a hospital! Please! Let's go to my office. You could put your feet up. I've got weed. Stacy: Ladies night is a sham! Let's get the hell out of here! Sy: Oh, no. She's right. Get away. Come on. Please don't go! How about 60% off? A free mammogram! Owen: Ladies! Where you going? The night's just getting started! Sy's got weed! Glenn: Aah! Now push, ma! I've been pushing out babies since before you were born -- right before. Glenn: You never respect my professional opinion. Ow! I think I'm crowning! Get in there! Push it aside! I don't want a tear! Glenn: I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna be sick. Can you see if the baby has any hair? Glenn: Honestly, mom, I can't tell where your massive pubic thicket ends and the baby's head begins. Okay. Here it comes! [ Screaming ] Glenn: [ Screams ] This is a nightmare come true! [ Baby crying ] Hey. It's a girl! Here comes the placenta! Glenn: Huh? Cat: Wait a second. Chief: What? Cat: I'm getting a weird feeling that you're a lesbian. Chief: You're not? But you're wearing a belt. Cat: I just thought this was about sisterhood. Chief: [ Gags ] Cat: I know. It's, like, kind of cheesy. Chief: Oh, my God! I think the fish tacos were contaminated! Cat: You all have food poisoning! I'm a physician. I know this. Let's get you all to a hospital. Chief: My girls can't afford a hospital. These are low-income lesbians. Most hospitals charge twice as much as they can pay. Lola: Well, I know just where we can go! Chief: Of course! Both: Starbucks! Lola: Okay! Cat: But then we'll go to Childrens, obviously. Chief: [ Mumbles ] Blake: Ladies! Sy: Paying customers! Owen: We are back in business! Sy: Preparing! Let's go, gentlemen! Glenn: [ Chuckles ] What are you gonna name her? Not up to me. Glenn: You want me to name her? Not up to you, either. Is this her? Here she is! Helen, we can't thank you enough for doing this. Glenn: You're a surrogate?! I had to do something for money. I'm still paying off your medical-school fees. Glenn: Mom, I can pay off my own loans! I make six figures a year! Why couldn't you be a doctor like your brother? Cat: Well, I'm glad you stopped vomiting. Chief: Well, you better believe I won't be having fish tacos again... for at least three days. Cat: I didn't mean to lead you on. Chief: Of all the low-income lesbian fish-taco joints, huh? But you know, I have enjoyed getting to know you a little better outside of work. Cat: Yeah, me too. Chief: Thanks. Chief: Cat, you're getting my purse totally wet. What are you gonna do about that? Cat: I think when I leaned in to kiss you, I must have knocked this glass of water over. Chief: It's really my fault. Cat: I'm so sorry, um... Um... we -- I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's some paper towels over there. Chief: In the dispenser. Yeah. That's okay. I'll -- it'll -- I'm sure I can just kind of blot it with this blanket. ♪ She says I'm crazy ♪ ♪ I said, "oh, really?" ♪ ♪ I'm gonna jump on you on the bed ♪ ♪ make me a cradle ♪ ♪ hold me instead ♪ ♪ I'm not gonna say it ♪ ♪ okay, I'll say it ♪ ♪ flying over stars ♪ ♪ over to your room ♪ ♪ I'm caught in an ice storm ♪ ♪ caught in your eyes ♪ ♪ I'm losing my mind ♪ ♪ but winning you ♪ ♪ send me you on Saturday ♪ ♪ the best day ♪ ♪ I want to get to you tonight ♪ Sal: Attention, staff. Hey, hey, hey, hey, ladies! Get funky.	Plan: A: the male doctors' attention; Q: What does a promotion for single moms catch? Summary: A promotion for single moms catches the male doctors' attention.
Hall at Degrassi (Emma is walking with a friend.) Emma: I just gotta hand this in to Armstrong. I'll see you later. (She goes to Armstrong's classroom. She goes to open the door, but she sees Mr. Armstrong with Liberty, very close to her and hugging her. The camera shows them and then a close-up of Emma watching, very scared or something.) Media Immersion JT: So I'm telling my mom that joke, you know, the one about the duck. Manny: That one's pretty good. JT: And when I tell her the punch line, she spews milk out of her nose (Toby, Manny, and JT laugh, but Emma doesn't) Uh, Emma? Milk out of my mom's nose? Funny. Emma: Huh? Oh, yeah, funny, JT. (Emma walks over to Liberty who is on a computer writing e-mails.) Emma: What's going on? Liberty: Nothing, just writing some e-mails. Emma: Um, I wanted to ask you, I saw you and Armstrong this morning. Liberty: And what's your point? Emma: It looked like... Liberty: Looked like what? I had a few questions, about equations. So? Are you trying to read my e-mails? (Moves the computer so Emma can't see the screen) Emma: No, not at all. Liberty: E-mails are private. Mind your own business. (Emma goes to sit down. When she does, she looks over at Liberty.) Outside (Emma and JT are sitting at a table, eating. Emma is looking at Mr. Armstrong who is helping Sean with basketball.) JT: Don't you think you're being a bit obvious? Emma: About what? JT: Sean. If you stare any harder, your eyeballs will pop out. Emma: JT, what do you think of Armstrong? I mean, as a person? JT: Teachers aren't people, they're... teachers. Emma: You know what I mean. Do you think he's...ok? JT: Oh, yeah. Armstrong's given me lots of extra help. He's been really nice. To me, anyway. Emma: Yeah, come to think of it, he's nice to everyone. (Mr. Armstrong sees Liberty come outside. He catches up to her and gives her a piece of paper after talking to her, then touches her arm. Emma is watching.) JT: You gonna eat that? Emma: Huh? No, you take it. (Emma leaves) JT: Something I said? Cafeteria (Jimmy and Spinner are getting lunch.) Jimmy: Hey, Sheila. Two specials, please. (She hands them some type of mushy food) Spinner: What is that, nuclear waste? Sheila: I don't want to hear about it, Gavin. (He takes the food) Spinner: Hey guys, did you see the sign in the bathroom? Plush twice, it's a long way to the cafeteria. Sheila: Gavin, it might take a few extra years, but I can't wait for the day you graduate. (He takes his food to pay. As he waits, he picks at it and notices a bug in it. He throws it, it lands in a girl's hair. He goes to Sheila to tell her) Spinner: Oh, man. Girl: Ew! What is it? Ew! Spinner: Sheila, there's a bug in my squash. Sheila: I think the joke goes, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup." Spinner: I'm serious! It's right over... (As he looks a kid steps on it) Sheila: Yeah, nice try, Gavin. By the way, don't forget to pay for that. It's $4.99 plus tax. Next! (Spinner leaves) Hall (Emma and Manny are at Emma's locker.) Manny: So, Em, for Media Immersion, should we use html? Emma: Yeah, sure, whatever. Manny, has Armstrong ever touched you? Manny: What? No. Did he touch you? Emma: No, no. Not me, Liberty. I saw him touching Liberty. Manny: Are you sure? Emma: (shuts her locker) Yeah. I know what I saw. Manny: I don't know Em. (They start walking) Armstrong's a pretty physically guy. Maybe you got the wrong idea. Emma: I hope so. (They stop walking) But this morning, he had his arm around Liberty and I saw him passing her a note outside. It really looked like he was coming on to her (The camera moves and we see Terri is listening to them talk). Manny: Mr. Armstrong? Hall (Spinner, Ashley, Paige, and Jimmy are walking.) Ashley: You've got to be making this up. Spinner: No, I swear. Paige: It just so happens you're always complaining about the food and now you find a bug. Hmm. Spinner: Hey, Paige, come on. Does this look like the face of a liar? Paige: You want an honest answer? Spinner: Why won't anyone believe me? Tell her, Jimmy. Jimmy: There was some kind of weirdness on his plate. Ashley: You sure it wasn't just a hair? Jimmy: A moth, I think. Spinner: An earwig, dude. An earwig. Ashley: See? You two can't even get your story straight. (Ashley and Paige leave) Spinner: Boycott the caf. Hey, guys, the caf has bugs. Boycott the caf. Ms. Kwan: That's a serious accusation. Spinner: Ms. Kwan, I found a bug in my food, an earwig. Ms. Kwan: And where is offensive creature now? Spinner: Stuck to a kid's shoe. Ms. Kwan: Gavin, defamation and roomemogering are serious offenses. The next time you have an accusation like that you better have proof. (She leaves) (Jimmy and Spinner head into math class. Terri is sitting, looking at Mr. Armstrong with a weird look on her face.) Paige: What's with you? You look awful. Terri: Thanks Paige. Paige: No, I mean, what's going on? It's good to get things off your chest. You'll feel way better. Terri: I guess so, but... Paige: Terri, we're friends, right? Friends talk to each other. Terri: Ok, but you have to promise to keep it a secret. I really mean it. Paige: Of course. What is it? Terri: You know Liberty that kid in seventh grade? Well I heard Armstrong was coming on to her. Paige: Ew. You're kidding, right? Terri: No, I overheard Emma. She saw him with his arm around her. Then on the steps, he gave her a love note. So what do we do, report it? Paige: Hun, you can't report a rumor. (The bell rings so Terri turns around) Mr. Armstrong: Afternoon everyone. (Sees Terri and Paige with weird looks on their faces) Something wrong girls? Paige: Oh, no. Nothing, Mr. Armstrong. Mr. Armstrong: Ok, today we're going to take a look at distributive properties. All right, in review, you'll remember the three main rules... (As he talks Paige types something to her best friend Hazel on her message thing. Hazel cell makes a noise. She picks it up and reads it. When she does, she gives Paige a shocked look and Paige nods at her.) Hall (Hazel is talking to someone on her cell phone.) Hazel: Get this: Liberty and Armstrong were seen kissing outside. Yeah, they were in his car kissing in front of everybody. (Sean, who is sitting on the stairs, hears this as she walks past) Class Sean: (To Spinner) She got a ride in with him this morning. Do you think they spent the night together? How could Coach Armstrong do that? Hall Spinner: (To Jimmy) Dude, Liberty and Armstrong are doing it. Media Immersion (Jimmy is typing a instant message to Ashley. It says: Jimmy411: Liberty. Armstrong. Doing it. Ashley is in shock.) Ashley: (Mouths to Jimmy) Is it true? (He nods at her.) Class (A sign says, "Student Council in Session." People are looking in.) Guy: There she is. (Referring to Liberty) Ha ha. (They laugh and make a loser sign) Ashley: Next on the agenda, the motion that Liberty put forward last meeting. Liberty: Right, about the talent show. So, what do you think Ashley, should we have one? Ashley: Sure, sounds great. (The other kids nod) Liberty: Wow that was easy. We argued about it for hours last week. (Ashley is whispering to a girl next to her) Guys, you can stop whispering. I know what you're talking about. Ashley: Um, you do? Liberty: Of course. Everyone knows what happened, so we might as well discuss it. Ashley: Um, okay, but, don't you want to discuss it in private? Liberty: It's no secret Ashley. We all know some microphones were stolen at last years show, but it won't happen this year. I promise. (Liberty is leaving, when Ashley stops her.) Ashley: Liberty. Liberty: If it's about the microphones... Ashley: It's not. Do you even know what's going on? People are talking about you and Armstrong. That you're pretty close. Liberty: What does that mean? Ashley: It means that people think that you two are extra friendly. Liberty: They think he's doing things to me? Ashley: Yes. Is it true? Liberty: Of course not. (She runs away) Ashley: If it is, we have to report it. Liberty, please, just wait. We can talk. Next day at school at Degrassi Emma: I knew something was going on. Toby: You did? Manny: We talked about it yesterday. I just couldn't believe it. I still can't. Maybe we should report it. JT: Armstrong would be toast. Emma: That's true. We should wait to find out for sure. Toby: This whole thing? It's disgusting. Just the thought ... uh, makes me want to take a shower. JT: That wouldn't be such a bad idea. Emma: So what do we do now? (They see Liberty and look at her as she looks at them then she runs away so Emma runs after her) [SCENE_BREAK] Girls Washroom (Emma enters.) Liberty: Leave me alone, Emma. Emma: Liberty, what you need right now is a friend, someone to talk to. Liberty: But there's nothing to talk about. Emma: It's ok, you can tell me. Liberty: I am telling you. Emma: Are you sure you're not lying? Because we really have to report it. Liberty: Emma! I swear on my life that nothing's going on. Emma: But the whole school is talking. Liberty: I know and it's just a vicious rumor, honest. What if it gets to Mr. Raditch? To my parents? What will Mr. Armstrong say when he hears this? Emma: then there's only one way to handle this: stop the rumor and track down its source. Then give whoever who started it... Liberty: A good swift kick? Emma: I was going to say a good talking to, but that'll do. (They leave after Liberty dries her tears) Hall Terri: Hey Spinner, find any bugs in your breakfast this morning? Spinner: Very funny. So I made a mistake. Jimmy: Why do you say a mistake? Spinner: Because I did. Jimmy: What? Spinner: I'm always complaining about the food, right? So, I must have made it up. Jimmy: Ok now I'm completely confused. Spinner: It would have totally different if someone else found that bug. Then everyone would believe it. Even the wrath of Kwan. Jimmy: I guess so. (Spinner tells Jimmy to follow him. He shows him a container.) Jimmy: Better not be tuna salad in here. (He opens it and there's bugs in there) Spinner: Today's special: earwig surprise. Took me hours to collect them. (Jimmy gives him the bugs back) When I get done, the caf will be closed, permanently. Media Immersion Ashley: Are you sure it isn't true though? When I talked to Liberty yesterday, she was really defensive, like she was hiding something. Emma: She was probably just upset. Wouldn't you be? Ashley: Yeah I would. Poor girl. Who would spread a rumor like that? Emma: That's what I'm trying to figure out. Who'd you hear it from Ashley? Ashley: It was Jimmy. But he heard it from Spinner. Hall Spinner: Hey, it wasn't me who started it. Talk to this guy (Meaning: Sean). Emma: Sean? Sean: What? Spinner: He's the one who told me. Sean: About Coach Armstrong and Liberty? Man, that's just sick. Emma: It's not true Sean. Sean: It isn't? Emma: No. Sean: Oh, man. I knew it sounded fake. I should have never believed her. Emma: Believed who? Girls Washroom Hazel: I'm innocent. Talk to Paige. (Paige comes out of a stall) Paige: I was merely imparted information. And besides, I heard it from Terri. She's the one you need to speak to. Hall (Terri is at her locker.) Emma: I need to talk to you. Terri: Ok. Emma: The whole school's gossiping about Liberty and Armstrong. Terri: no kidding. I have ears too. Emma: Well it's not true. It's just a rumor. Paige spread it around. She heard it from you. Terri: I swore her to secrecy. Emma: As if she'd keep quiet. Paige lives for rumors. Terri: I was upset, ok? I was shocked. I had to tell someone. I'm sorry. Emma: Well too late. I hope you're happy. Terri: Me? Emma: Hello, you're the one who started the rumor. Terri: Hate to tell you, but no. It was right here yesterday, you were talking to Manny about Liberty and Armstrong, remember? You started the rumor, Emma. Cafeteria Jimmy: Spin, you sure you wanna do this? Don't you think it's a bot drastic? Spinner: Nope. All is fair in love and war, and dude, this is war. (They sit down at a table with Ashley.) Ashley: You're eating the cafeteria food again? Spinner: I decided to be, you know, mature. I probably never even saw that bug. Ashley: Good for you Spinner. Jimmy, could you pass me the pepper? (As she gets the pepper, Spinner puts bugs on Ashley's plate) Thanks. What are you smiling at? (She looks at her food and notices the bugs) Jimmy: You put bugs on her tray? Spinner: Nobody believes me, but they'll believe her. Ashley: Spinner you idiot. Spinner: Ash, calm down. I told you, there's bugs in the food. Ashley: Because you put them there. What's in that container? Spinner: Nothing. (She opens it and finds more bugs, which she drops on the tray) Ms. Kwan: Gavin, what is going on here? Math Class Liberty: Math class. I've been dreading this all day. (They go in and sit down) So did you track down the rumor? Emma: Yeah, but I need to say something to you first. (The bell rings) Mr. Armstrong: Ok, today we're going to be working on equations. Now, when dealing with equations, we always use the BEDMAS rule. Now, who can tell me what that stands for? (No one answers) What's with everyone today? Ok, why don't you tell us Liberty, you and I have been working on it. (People start to laugh) What is so funny? Mr. R: That's enough. Mr. Armstrong, could I have 5 minutes of your time? Mr. Armstrong: I was just about to get started here. Mr. R: Mrs. Smith will take over the class. Mr. Armstrong: Right, okay. Class, I want you to begin working on the order of operations exercises on page 129. (They open their books) Mr. R: Liberty, would you join us, please? (Liberty leaves with them so Emma gets up and leaves, too) Principal's Office Liberty: What are you doing here? Mr. R: Emma, go back to class. Emma: I need to talk to you, Mr. Raditch. Mr. R: Well, it'll have to wait. I'm in the middle of something right now. Emma: It can't wait. You see, I'm in the middle of it, too. Cafeteria Sheila: You'll help me serve at every lunch and then after school you can help me clean up. (Bell rings) Oh and uh (Hands him a hair net) don't forget about this. Spinner: I'm not wearing that. Sheila: Health regulations princess. You do know about health regulations. (He takes it and puts it on. Jimmy and Ashley approach.) Jimmy: Hey Spin, how long are you. (Start to laugh when he turns around wearing the hair net) Ashley: Nice net, Spinner. (They leave laughing and Spinner hangs his head down) Sheila: Oh, cheer up. It won't be for long. Only for about two months. Spinner: Two months? Sheila: You owe the school $300. That's what it'll cost to exterminate the cafeteria. Spinner: But the caf needed to be exterminated anyway. Sheila: Sure it did, Gavin. Sure it did. (She leaves) Girls Washroom Emma: Liberty? I know you're in here. (Checks the stalls until she finds Liberty) I was responsible for the rumor starting, but I didn't spread it. (Liberty comes out) Liberty: And there's a difference? You're lucky Mr. Armstrong didn't lose his job. And you what makes me really mad? That you thought I could do that. Emma: Do what? Be violated? And what were you doing with Mr. Armstrong anyway? He had his arm around you, passed you a note. Liberty: You want to see my note? (Gives her a paper) Emma: Dyscalculia? Liberty: it's a learning disorder, like dyslexia, but with numbers. I'm been really upset about it. Mr. Armstrong's been helping me. (Takes the paper back) Emma: So that's the explanation? Why didn't you say something? Because it means you're not perfect? Liberty: Because it means I'm stupid. Emma: Stupid? You're one of the smartest kids in school. Liberty: Not in math I'm not. Emma: Who cares? Liberty: I do! It's important to me to be the best. You don't understand. Emma: Liberty, I feel really bad. Is there something I can do, to help? Liberty: No, Emma. Go back to saving rainforests and whales, because when it comes to help people, you suck. (Liberty leaves)	Plan: A: Emma; Q: Who accidentally starts a rumor about Liberty dating Mr. Armstrong? A: a hurtful rumor; Q: What does Emma accidentally start about Liberty dating Mr. Armstrong? A: her dyscalculia; Q: What is Liberty getting extra tutoring for? A: Spinner; Q: Who finds a bug in his lunch? A: no one; Q: Who will believe Spinner's story about finding a bug in his lunch? A: Ashley's food; Q: What does Spinner put bugs in to prove his point? A: the school's cafeteria; Q: Where is Spinner forced to work as punishment? A: Hazel Aden; Q: What character did Andrea Lewis first appear as? Summary: Emma accidentally starts a hurtful rumor about Liberty dating Mr. Armstrong, when in fact she is getting extra tutoring with him for her dyscalculia. Meanwhile, Spinner finds a bug in his school lunch, but no one will believe his story. Determined to prove himself right, he puts bugs in Ashley's food, and is forced to take a job in the school's cafeteria as punishment. Note: This episode marks the first appearance of Andrea Lewis as Hazel Aden.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Spike sitting on the end of Willow's bed: "Lets try again." He tries to bite her and is stopped by an excruciating pain in his head. Spike (voice over): "I can't bite anything. I can't even hit people." Willow: "How's with you and Riley?" Buffy: "Every time we talk I have to lie. I wish I could just come clean!" Forrest climbs up a ladder in the Initiative compound: "Well, you can't." Riley: "I know I can't. But Buffy is special." Buffy bursting through the boarded up window into the house of the Gentlemen. Buffy and Riley spinning around aiming their weapons at each other. Riley sitting on Willow's bed: "I guess we have to talk." Buffy sitting on her bed: "I guess we do." They sit silently looking mainly at the floor only throwing occasional glances at each other. Buffy: "Somebody should speak before one of us graduates." Riley gets up with a sigh, after a little more time: "What are you?" Buffy: "Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You?" Riley: "Sorry. That came out a little blunter than I intended. - It's just... you are amazing! Your speed, your strength." Buffy: "Also passionate, artistic and inquisitive. - Who are you?" Riley: "You know who I am. The rest... what I do... (Shakes his head) I can't tell you." Buffy gets up: "Well, then let me. You're part of some military monster squad that captures - demons, vampires, probably have some official sounding euphemisms for them, - like unfriendlies or - non sapiens." Riley nods: "Hostile Sub Terrestrials." Buffy: "So you deliver these - HST's to a bunch of lab coats, who perform experiments on them, which among other things turn some into harmless little bunnies. How am I doing so far?" Riley: "A little too well." Buffy: "Meanwhile by day you pretend to be Riley Finn, corn-fed Iowa boy. (Riley looks down) Ever been to Iowa, Riley? God, if that's even your name." Riley: "It is, born and raised. And hey! Bulletin: I'm not the only one who's been a little less than honest here." Buffy sits back down: "I thought a professional demon chaser like yourself would have figured it out by now. - I'm the Slayer. (Riley just looks at her) Slay-er? - Chosen One. (Riley is still lost) She who hangs out a lot in cemeteries? - You're kidding. (Gets back up) Ask around. Look it up: Slayer comma the." Riley: "And you fight demons. I mean, you waled on those guys." Buffy: "You did pretty well yourself." Riley: "But I'm a walking bruise today. You see me with my clothes off I look like... (Buffy raises her eyebrows at him) I mean... I have - bruises... I don't see a scratch on you." Buffy: "You're not looking hard enough." Riley: "I'm looking pretty hard." Buffy takes a deep breath both of them look away. Riley: "So then... What do we do?" Buffy: "I don't know. - I just...(Sighs) I really thought that you were a nice, normal guy." Riley: "I am a nice, normal guy." Buffy: "Maybe by this town's standards but I'm not grading on a curve. (Riley shifts and swallows) I think we both need a little time to - process everything. (Takes a deep breath) Maybe then..." Riley: "Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a good idea." They look at each other for a while then Riley starts to leave. Riley turns back: "Oh, - I don't think I need to tell you..." Buffy sitting on her bed with her arms crossed: "I won't say a word." Riley: "Good. It'll be safer for all..." He trails off and looks over at Amy-Rat, who's squeaking like crazy in her cage. Shortly thereafter the whole room begins to shake. Riley points at the open closet door: "Over here." They hurry and stand in the doorframe until the earth stops shaking. Riley: "Wow. That was some ride. (Buffy walks out into the room looking spooked) Sorry I'm so excited. This is my first earthquake." Buffy: "It's not mine." Intro. Cut to Spike pulling the big red leather chair in Xander's basement to one side of the water leaking from a pipe in the ceiling. Spike: "Sodden sleeping chair is bloody - sodden." Xander set a pan underneath to catch the water: "The quake just knocked a couple of pipes lose. There is a wrench hanging up over there by the workbench. Try tightening the coupling." Spike: "Do I look like a plumber to you?" Xander: "No, you look like a big mooch that doesn't lift a finger around here. But I have to get to work." Spike: "Yeah, delivering melted cheese on bread, doing your part to keep America constipated." Xander: "Mock not. Remember who pays for the plasma around here, pal. (Picks up the wrench and hands it to Spike) You earn your keep or you don't get kept. (Spike takes the wrench. Xander turns away) When you're done fixing that leak (Spike hauls back the wrench, but is stopped from hitting Xander by the intense pain in his head) try cleaning up this mess. And doing a little laundry for once wouldn't kill you (Turns back to see Spike holding his head, groaning with the pain) unfortunately." Cut to Buffy getting ready to leave her dorm room just as Willow comes in. Willow: "Hey! I was in the library during the quake, almost got buried under some 19th century literature. And I don't have to tell you how hard it is to dig through some of that stuff. You okay?" Buffy: "Yeah. A couple of broken knick-knacks, but no biggies." Willow: "Well, Porter dorm is completely blacked out. So naturally they are dealing with the crisis the only way they know how: 'Aftershock Party'." Buffy: "Ah, this from the dorm that brought us the 'Somebody Sneezed' party and the 'Day That Ends in Y' party." Willow: "They do seem to be pretty generous with the milestones. Hey, you should ask Riley to come! Much carousing by flattering candle light." Buffy: "Ah, Riley is - ahm, busy. I'm pretty sure. But you know, you go on ahead, and I'll catch up with you there. I'm on my way for a little Giles one-on-one." Willow: "Anything wrong?" Buffy: "Wrong? No, mm-mm, not at all." Cut to Giles sitting at the table in his courtyard. Buffy pacing: "Something horrible is going to happen, Giles." Giles: "It was an earthquake, Buffy. A not uncommon occurrence in southern California. No reason to think it was anything more." Buffy: "Oh, I so have a reason. A darn good reason. The last time we had an earthquake, I died." Giles: "Yes, I know that - and - therefore I completely understand your anxiety." Buffy: "Oh, good. Because I'd hate for my little untimely horrible death concern to be ambiguous." Giles: "But unless evidence suggests otherwise, I think that we can assume that it's shifting landmasses and not a portent of some imminent doom. (Lifts up a map of Sunnydale on a board with red pins stuck on it in clusters) Now in the meantime, I've got a few theories about our mysterious commando friends." Buffy sits down: "Oh. - Really?" Giles: "Now based on the locations of our various sightings, and - Spike's reluctant description of their underground installation..." Buffy jumps up: "What if the quake was a sign? Ah, a bad omen and we just ignore it? There is going to be a lot of red faces when the world comes to an end." Giles gets up: "Buffy, - if the quake heralds some such catastrophe, I'm sure there will be other signs to follow, which will afford us plenty of time to avert it. Now, - I believe that the commando installation is either very close to, or directly underneath your school, now if that is the case I'm convinced that one or more of them may be in your very midst." Buffy: "Plague!" Giles: "What?" Buffy: "What if the end of the world is coming in the form of a plague? Then too many people may be infected by the time we actually..." Giles: "Buffy! Will you stop worrying about what may be and concentrate on what is! (Buffy gets ready to say something he stops her with a gesture) Vigilance is all very good, but as we are getting close the is a much more pressing question." Cut to Riley and Forrest walking down a white walled corridor in fatigues. Riley: "What's a Slayer?" Forrest: "Slayer? Thrash Band. Anvil handed guitar band with delusions of Black Sabbath." Riley: "No. A girl, with powers." Forrest: "Oh. The Slayer. Oh, yeah, I've heard of the Slayer." Riley: "Fill me in." Forrest: "Well, the way I got it figured the Slayer is like some kind of boogey man for the Subterrestrials, something they tell their little spawn to make them eat their vegetables and clean up their slime pits." Riley: "You're telling me she doesn't exist." Forrest: "Oh, wait a sec. Am I bursting somebody's bubble here? Maybe this is a bad time to tell you about - the Easter-bunny? (Laughs) Sorry, sorry, it's a myth, Rye. All part of that medieval folklore garbage kooks dream up to explain things we deal with every day." A lab-coat and another guy are leading down a horned demon. Riley: "How do you explain the things we deal with, Forrest?" Forrest: "They're just animals, man, plain and simple. Granted they're a little rarer than the one's you grew up with on that little farm in Smallville..." There is a commotion behind them. The horned demon has broken loose. They run to help subdue it. Forrest with the demons arm around his neck: "Where is that hypo?" The lab-coat is fumbling to get his syringe filled. Drops the container. Riley grabs the nightstick the other guy dropped and hits the demon over the head, knocking it out. Riley: "Never mind." Forrest holding his throat and gasping for air: "Like I said - animals. (Hears a lot of banging) What's that racket?" Riley: "Animals rattling their cages. Doing it all day. Wonder what's got them all worked up." Forrest: "Earthquakes man, make everybody crazy." Cut to the party at Porter dorm. Willow is standing in the middle of it looking lost. She spots Percy talking to a girl sitting on a sofa and walks over. Willow: "Percy! Hi!" Percy: "Hey, Willow! What's going on?" Willow: "Stuff. I-I thought you got that football scholarship to USC." Percy: "I did. (Motions to the girl next to him) Laurie goes here." Laurie: "Hey." Willow: "Hi. - Some party, huh?" Laurie gives her a fake smile: "It's okay." Percy after a pause: "How's Oz?" Willow: "Oh, actually, Oz is..." Laurie gets up and links her arm with Percy's and leans in to whisper in his ear. Percy to Willow: "Uhm, listen - we're going to get some drinks. Cool to see you." Laurie: "Bye." Willow: "Yeah, catch you later." A topless guy trailing two girls makes his way across the room and walks through a door. As the door swings shut behind them we see the green, clawed fingers of a demon gripping the edge. Cut to the same guy alone in a room fixing four drinks, humming. Guy yells over towards the next room: "Hey, you guys serious about naked limbo? I'm in." He picks up the four drinks and turns around. An ugly green demon roars, and slices him across the throat with its claws. We see the drinks drop to the floor, blood drips on them. Cut to Willow at the party looking bored. Willow: "Buffy, where are you?" Laurie (voice over): "Why? So I can watch you flirt with that red head?" Percy (v/o): "What, Rosenberg? Yea, right. She's just some egghead who tutored me a little in high school (Willow looks behind her to see the two of them sitting on a couch, their backs to her) I mean, she's nice, but, come on, Captain of the nerd squad." Laurie: "Well, I don't know. Maybe you have a thing for geeks." Percy: "No, I like my women hot. (Shrugs) Call me old-fashioned." Willow walks away looking unhappy as they kiss. Cut to Willow opening the door to a dark room. Willow: "Hello? - Anyone in here?" She closes the door behind her and walks further into the room. She stumbles against something and reaches down to feel what it was, then lays down on the bed. Suddenly the lights come back on and we see that the guy with the sliced throat is laying on the other side of her. Willow slowly turns and jumps off the bed panting with fear. She stares at the symbol of a pyramid with an eye in it that has been carved into his chest. Cut to Xander walking down into his basement, carrying a pizza box. Xander: "Oh, no! Spike the place is worse then when I left! You didn't even fix the drip!" Spike: "Don't turn around." Xander: "Spike, what is it, what happened?" Spike: "Don't look at me." Xander turns around and his eyes almost pop out of his head as he stares at - Spike wearing one of Xander's knee-length shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. Xander starts to laugh. Spike holds up some clothes: "I shrunk them. Bleeding shirt, trousers. I hate this place." Xander: "You know I'm not any happier about you wearing my stuff than you are.' Spike: "Go out, get me some decent stuff, and I want more blood." Xander: "No! You're not a guest." Spike: "You want me to tear this place apart, you bloody poof?" Xander: "That's it! I am way past due with you. I hate to break it to you, oh impotent one, but you're not the big bad anymore, you're not even the kind of naughty. You're nothing but a waste of space - my space! And as much as I always got a big laugh watching Buffy kick your shiny white bum, as much as I know I can give you a little bum-kicking myself right now, I'm here to tell you something (He steps forward, right under the drip of water from the leaky pipe) You're not even worth it. - I'm out of here." Spike looks after Xander at a loss for words. Cut to the dead guy being wheeled away in a body bag as Buffy walks in. Willow sitting on some stairs: "Buffy! Over here." Buffy goes to sit next to her with a sigh: "Wow. I wasn't sure where the party was, and then I saw the flashing lights and the ambulance, and I was like 'right, of course! Death, carnage - it's a Buffy party!" Willow: "I'm so glad you're here." Buffy: "What happened?" Willow: "I found him - this guy on the bed with me. Dead. Not me dead, he dead." Buffy: "God. Are you okay? (Willow nods. Buffy whispers) Vampire?" Willow shakes her head: "There was so much blood, and there - there was a symbol, and Percy said I was a nerd!" Buffy: "Percy called you a nerd?" Willow nods: "I guess we should report to Giles, get with the demon tracking." Buffy as the walk out: "Does he even go here?" Cut to Riley and Forrest in their dorm room. Riley shoot a foam ball at the hoop fastened to the door and misses. Forrest: "Okay, that makes 0 for a billion. You don't got game, son. What's going on in that head of yours?" Riley: "I'm just trying to - make up my mind about something. - Buffy, - she's pretty cool, isn't she?" Forrest sighs: "Yes already, she's cool, she's hot, she is tepid, she's all temperature Buffy. Now can we concentrate on the game here?" Forrest shoots just as the door opens and the third member of their team comes in. The ball hits him on the head. Forrest: "Good block. You should use your face more often." Graham: "We have an alpha code blue situation." Riley and Forrest get up. Riley: "One of ours?" Graham: "Negative. Civilian at the Porter hall party." Forrest: "HST attack?" Graham: "Can not confirm that. I couldn't get close without drawing attention to myself." Forrest: "Should we mobilize?" Riley: "No, I'll go. Do a little recon. See if it falls in our domain. You alert Prof. Walsh. Tell her we have a casualty of an indeterminate nature. Lets not make a move until we get the whole story." Cut to the gang at Giles: "It just made me feel like I was right back in high school." Xander: "Dumb jock! If it wasn't for you he still would be." Willow: "I mean, I know the - Percy thing isn't really important, it's the - dead guy on the bed." Xander: "Yeah, that's bad, too." Willow: "Ooh, and something else. He, the dead guy, was-was propped up, like whatever killed him wanted to drain the blood out of him. So I'm thinking the whatever took a bunch of the guy's blood with it. And I haven't been a nerd for a very long time! Hello dating a guitarist, - or I - was." Buffy: "Tell me about this symbol." Willow takes out a yellow napkin and unfolds it: "Right, it was carved into his chest, like a big creepy eye." Xander looks at her drawing: "It's kind of the CBS logo. Hey, could this be the handiwork of one Mr. Morley Safer?" Buffy: "I'm telling you I've seen this somewhere before, I just can't remember where! I mean, it's like..." Giles: "It's the end of the world." All three kids: "Again?" Giles: "It's ah, the earthquake, - that symbol, -yes." Buffy: "I told you. I-I said end of the world and you're like 'poo-poo southern California, poo-poo!" Giles: "I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse." Willow: "No, I-it can't be. We've done this already." Giles: "It's the end of the world, everyone dies. It's rather important really." Willow: "So what do we do?" Buffy goes and picks up a crossbow: "I stop it." Everyone looks down on the symbol on the napkin, which blends into the same symbol on the side of a crypt. Buffy: "I wonder where I've seen this before? Where else? The place I spend most of my waking hours memorizing stuff of the sides of mausoleums, big freaky cereal boxes of death." There is a noise of stone scraping. Cut to the green demon picking up the bones of a child's skeleton and putting them into a burlap sack. Buffy: "Door was open." Demon turns and roars at her. She shoots it in the shoulder with the crossbow, then throws the crossbow at it. It bats the crossbow aside and comes at her. The two of them start fighting, after a while the fight moves outside. At the end the demon picks Buffy up and slams her down on top of a grave marker. Buffy lies on the ground groaning for a moment, but when a shadow falls over her, she flips back to her feet, turns and hauls back with a hard right at - Riley who just manages to block it. Riley: "Wow, that flippy-thing you did..." Buffy looks around: "Where did it go?" Riley: "I saw it take off towards the woods." Buffy: "And you didn't follow it?" Riley: "No weapons, no backup, you don't go after a demon that size by yourself." Buffy: "I do." Riley pulls out a handheld radio: "Yeah, well, I'm no Slayer. (To Radio) Base one, this is lilac one." Buffy: "Lilac?" Riley holds up a hand to quiet her: "Confirmed sighting of an unidentified Sub-T. Mobilize patrol team for debriefing at o800 hours." Radio: "Copy that." Buffy: "Very commandory - lilac not withstanding. (Riley laughs, putting his radio away) What are you doing here?" Riley: "Looking for you, she who hangs out in cemeteries." Buffy frowns and turns away: "I have to - get the demon." Riley: "Don't sweat it. We'll bag it." Buffy turns back: "It's not that simple." Riley: "Yeah, but - I really think..." Buffy: "Riley, I just... can't." Riley: "Can't talk?" Buffy: "Can't any of it. - I can't be with you. - It's just a huge, black pit of a mistake and I can't go there again." Riley: "Again? You've dated me before?" Buffy: "No! Look I was involved... (Sighs) You don't know what my life is like." Riley: "But I'm dying to find out." Buffy: "Dying being the operative word here. Okay, there is too much risk. There is too much... (Sighs) It's just doomed! And I can't do doomed again right now. Sorry." Riley: "I-I don't understand where this is coming from. I know you like me. And it's not like we don't have anything in common." Buffy: "But that's not enough." Riley: "Buffy, I'm thrown by this, I'm confused... - But I can feel my skin humming, my hands, my every inch of me. I've never been this excited about anybody before. I'm not trying to scare you, and I'm not going to force myself on you. But I'm, by God, not going to walk away because I think it might not work. I don't know what's happened in your past..." Buffy backs up a step: "Pain, - death, - apocalypse. - None of it fun. - Do you know what a Hellmouth is? Do you have a fancy term for it? Because I went to high school on it, for three years. (Shakes her head) We do not have that much in common. This is a job to you." Riley: "It's not just a job." Buffy: "It's an adventure, great. But for me, it's destiny. It is something that I can't change, something that I can't escape. I'm stuck!" Riley: "You don't have to be. You're not in high school anymore. You can change things." Buffy: "Riley, no." Riley: "I know it may seem..." Buffy: "Riley! - My answer is no." She turns and walks away and he watches her go before turning and leaving himself. Cut to the gang researching at Giles. Giles: "A Vahrall demon." Willow looking over at his book: "Eew!" Xander: "I second that revulsion." Giles: "Yes. 'Slick like gold and gird in moonlight, father of portents and brother to blight'." Buffy reading over his shoulder: "Limbs with talons, eyes like knives, bane to the blameless, thief of lives." Cut to Riley debriefing his patrol team: "Three meters tall, approximately 100 -120 kilograms, based on my visual analysis." Graham: "Special hazards?" Riley: "Unknown. Probably nothing we haven't handled before. There is no pattern we can discern yet, so we got to assume that it is on a basic kill-crush-destroy." Cut to Buffy: "This thing isn't digging up the bones of a child for fun." Xander: "Well, a demon's got some pretty hilarious ideas about fun." Willow: "Bones of a child though. I saw that! (Pulls a book over to her and flips pages) An ancient ritual - uses the blood of a man, the bones of a child and - something called the word of Valios? I-It's all part of the sacrifice - the sacrifice of three." Buffy: "Let me guess - ends the world." Willow: "Well, yeah, - I-it's not big with the details, though. It doesn't say how the world ends or what the ritual entails exactly." Xander: "The sacrifice of three... - Three people are going to die?" Buffy: "No, they won't. Because claw boy is not getting all of his ingredients. We have to find that third one, the Word of Valios, keep him from getting it." Willow: "If he doesn't already have it. I mean, who knows where he's been?" Cut to Riley: "Here is one for the good guys: this thing has a pheromone signature a mile wide. Agent Gates has been working with the detection system the lab's developing." Forrest gets up: "Can't tell where it's going, but I've got a bead on where it's been. (Stands next to Riley) Residual traces showing up in populated areas. The thing's not shy." Riley: "We're going out in civies, day clothes only guys. Weapons stowed in packs, keep 'em out of sight til nightfall. Remember this isn't a capture, it's a kill." Forrest as the meeting breaks up: "Get your quadrant assignment from me. We'll blanket the town." Cut to Buffy: "I'll check the magic shop. See if they've heard of a book called the word of Valios. (Puts on her coat) Willow, Xander, how about the book archives at the museum?" Xander: "We'll stop at my place on the way, get some weapons, and I'll change into something that isn't quite as anchovy scented." Buffy: "You guys this thing takes wicked very seriously. Be careful. I couldn't stand anybody getting hurt." Cut to a stake clamped to the edge of a table. Camera pans up to reveal Spike standing on a chair before it his arms spread wide. Spike: "Good bye, Dru. See you in hell." He lets himself fall forward just as Willow and Xander walk in. He turns in the air to look at them and misses the stake, smashing the table. Willow: "What are you doing?" Spike picks himself up: "Bloody rot. Can't a person knock?" Willow: "What were you doing?" Xander: "You were trying to stake yourself!" Spike: "Fag off! - It's no concern of yours." Xander: "Is, too. For one thing that's my shirt you're about to dust. For another, we've shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it for you." Willow: "Xander!" Xander: "What? He wants to die, I want to help." Willow: "It's ooky. We know him, we can't just let him poof himself!" Spike: "Oh, but you can. You know I'd drain you drier than the Sahara if I had half a chance. And besides, I'm beyond pathetic. Stuck in this basement washing skivvies for a blighter I wouldn't have bothered to bite a few months ago." Xander in the process of changing: "Hey!" Spike: "I mean, am I even remotely scary anymore? Tell me the truth." Willow just looks at him and he jumps at her, curling his hands into claws. Willow: "Well, the shirt is kinda - not very threatening - and the short pants, but you know it could also be because I know you can't bite, which I guess isn't really what you need to hear right now, is it?" Spike: "Stop, please, just clear out." Xander: "Fine. But you break anything else while we're gone and you'll be sleeping in the garage, buster." Willow: "We can't leave him here like this! We'll have to take him with us to the museum." Spike: "Oh, you go on. I won't do anything. I feel better now. Promise." Xander puts an arm around Spike's shoulder as they walk towards the steps: "Think of the happy. If we don't find what we're looking for, we face an apocalypse." Spike: "Really? You're not just saying that?" [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Buffy walking down the street. She sees Riley slowly walking down the street looking at a little handheld device, and waits for him to get to her. Riley: "Buffy." Buffy: "Is this really the time for Donkey Kong?" Riley frowns confused: "What? (Buffy looks at the thing in his hand) Oh. It, ah, takes trace readings of creatures pheromones." Buffy: "And?" Riley: "And it's either mating season for this thing or it's moving all over town. - You know, Buffy..." Buffy: "Actually I need to go. Big bad, needs to be squished." Riley falls in beside her: "Right. I'm on it, too. (Steps in front of her) It's just - this thing, this you and me thing, it's Stupid!" Buffy: "I know. Which is why we can't do it, the you and me thing." Riley: "No, I mean you're stupid. (Buffy looks at him) I mean... - I don't mean that. - No, I think maybe I do." Buffy: "Wow, with sweet talk like that, you'll definitely melt my reservations." Riley: "I'm serious. You have this twisted way of looking at things, this doom and gloom mentality. You keep thinking like that and things will probably turn out just the way you expect." Buffy starts to walk past him: "You know there is nothing more dangerous than a psych-grad-student." Riley follows and steps back in front of her: "Buffy, where is the bad here? (Buffy sighs and rubs her neck) It just turns out - we are even more well matched than we thought we were. I mean, you're a (sees some people walking by) - fry cook - and so am I!" Buffy: "Yeah, but you're an amateur - fry cook and I come form a long line of fry cooks that don't live past 25." Riley: "Which is exactly the attitude I'm talking about. Look, I know the risks of what we do. I also know it's more rewarding than any other job on the planet - and fun." Buffy: "Fun? The last person I know that believed that is in a coma right now because she had so much fun on the job." Riley: "I'm not saying that you shouldn't take your work seriously." Buffy: "That I should just turn my frown upside down? Is that it? I wish I could. But this isn't the kind of gig where you can just hang it up at the end of the night and snuggle with your honey." Riley: "But why? Why can't it be?" Buffy: "Because I've tried it, okay? And every time it just fell apart. And then I get sucked right back in to the Uber-evil." Riley: "Welcome to the story of the world. Things fall apart Buffy. And evil - it comes and goes. But the way people manage is, they don't do it alone. They pull each other through. If you weren't so self involved you'd see that." Buffy after a beat: "You have no idea what you're talking about. You barely know me." She walks past him and he stays beside her. Riley: "I know that it's not just a job thing. I'm sure that there is some good looking guy that done you wrong in there, too. But mostly I think you want to stay down in that dark place (Buffy stops to look at him and he steps in front of her) because maybe it's safer down there." Buffy: "You are so out of line." Riley: "No. See I don't think so. (Puts his hands on her arms) Look, we have an opportunity here, you and me, and the fact that you're to scared to even give it a try.." Buffy: "Is my business. So why don't you just leave me alone?" Riley straightens up slowly and looks at her: "Fair enough." After another moment he walks past her. Buffy closes her eyes for a moment then walks on herself. Cut to Willow, Xander and Spike in front of the historical museum of Sunnydale. Willow: "Great. No word of Valios." Xander: "Not even a syllable of Valios." Spike: "Which means I'm one step closer to melting in a sea of molten hellfire, yeah?" Willow: "You shouldn't talk like that. Yeah, okay, so you can't kill anymore, but there are other fun things you can do. You'll adjust." Spike stops and turns around: "Adjust? And what? End up like the two of you? No thank you." Xander: "Here it goes. 'We can't jus leave him here to stake himself! It's not right.'" Spike: "I should think you would be glad to greet the end of days. I mean, neither one of you is making much of a go at it. (Gestures at Xander) You. Kids your age are going off to University, you've made it as far as the basement. And Red here, - you couldn't even keep dog-boy happy. You can take the loser out of high school, but..." Willow: "I see what you're doing. You're trying to get us to dust you." Spike: "Am not! I just don't want pity from geeks more useless than I am." Willow: "We're not useless! We - we help people. We fight the forces of evil!" Spike: "Buffy fights the forces of evil. You're her groupies. She'd do just as well without you - better I'd wager, since she wouldn't have to go about saving your hides all the time." Xander: "That is no not true! We're part of the team. She needs us." Spike: "Or you're just the same tenth grade losers you've always been, and she's too much of a softy to cut you lose." Willow and Xander stand there speechless and after a moment Spike turns and walks on a satisfied grin spreading over his face. Cut to Giles looking through a book. He finds a picture of the Word of Valios which turns out to be a 15th century talisman. Giles: "Oh - as usual - dear." Goes to dig through his chest, pulls out a box filled with necklaces and talismans and pulls out the Word of Valios. Three Vahral demons attack him. Cut to Buffy walking into Giles house. Buffy: "What happened?" Giles looking beat up, is sitting on the couch next to Xander: "It's my fault. I should have known." Buffy: "Giles..." Giles: "The Word of Valios - is the name of a talisman - not a book. I blame myself entirely. I had it here." Xander: "You had it here? Okay, first I thought you were being to hard on yourself, but..." Willow brings some ice wrapped into a dishtowel and Giles presses it against his head. Giles: "Oh, thank you. I bought it at a sorcerer's estate sale. I really only glanced at it once. I thought it was a knock off." Buffy: "Well, they have it. And they probably have their sacrifices by now, too." Giles: "They're on their way to perform the sacrifice now." Buffy: "On their way where? You found out what the ritual is for?" Giles: "The Hellmouth. They are going to open the Hellmouth. - The one in the library." The guys look at each other then Buffy gets up. Buffy: "Looks like we're going back to high school." Cut to the gang walking up to the ruins of Sunnydale High with the moon almost full in the sky above it. Buffy as they enter: "Be careful you guys, the place doesn't look to stable." Spike: "Fine by me. Hope we all go under." Buffy: "Why is he even here. It's not like he can fight!" Willow: "If we leave him alone, he'll stake himself." Buffy: "And that's bad because...? - Fine. Whatever. Just keep him out of the way. I do not have time for this. (Sighs) Okay, when we get to the library keep a look out for victims they're keeping alive for the sacrifice. Getting them out is the first priority." Willow: "Will do." Buffy takes a deep breath: "Okay - you guys ready?" Xander: "Lets rock and roll." Spike mocking Xander: "Lets rock and roll." Cut to them waking down a burnt up and tattered hallway. Xander: "Sunnydale High. These walls - if they were still walls, what stories they could tell. (Steps on something squishy) Eew! (Everyone turns to look at him) Mayor meat. Extra crispy." They walk on. Willow: "I think we're near the library." Cut to them entering what used to be the library. There is a big hole where the floor used to be. We hear a growling chanting going on. Willow: "Whoa. Check out the new floor plan." Three Vahral demons are standing around a fissure in the floor. Buffy: "Three of them." Willow: "I don't see any sacrifice people." Buffy: "They must be around here somewhere. The ritual is not finished. And it's not gonna be." Buffy jumps down into the hole and attacks the three demons. One of them drops the bottle with the blood and Xander hurries over to pick it up before any of the demons can get it. Xander: "The blood! - Get the talisman. They can't do the ritual." Buffy keeps waling on the three demons. Willow darts in and pulls the sack with the bones out of one of the demon's hands. Willow: "I've got the bones! (She tosses them to Xander) Here!" Xander tosses them right back to her as he is attacked by one of the Vahrall. Xander as the demon keeps beating him in the stomach: "You've got the wrong man, dude. I've had a lot of practice with my lunch money." Willow tosses the bag of bones to Spike, who is sitting by the edge of the hole watching the fight. Willow: "Spike!" Spike catches the bones and sees one of the Vahral coming for him: "Right, perfect." Buffy is fighting one demon, Xander another and the last is beating up on Spike. The one fighting Xander gets a hold of the bottle of blood, turns and jumps into the Hellmouth. Xander: "Okay, I guess I won. (The earth begins to shake) The demons! They are the sacrifice!" Spike finally has enough of getting beaten on. He hauls back, screams and hits the demon with all his might, then puts his hand to his head, but there is no pain. Spike: "No pain! (He hits the demon again) I can hurt a demon!" He vamps out and starts to make up for all the violence he's missed out on, having a great old time. Spike as the demon finally drops: "That's right. I'm back. And I'm a BLOODY ANIMAL! Yeah!" Spike picks up the Vahrall, not noticing that it has just gathered up the sack of bones and lifts it high above his head. Xander: "No!" Willow: "Spike, not in the hole!" Spike throws the Vahrall into the Hellmouth and another bigger tremor shakes the earth. Spike: "What? I was helping!" Buffy: "Get out of here! The building is going to come down!" Starting with a beam that hits Spike on the back of his head, dropping him to the ground. Xander runs over and helps him up. He and Willow help Spike out of the hole as Buffy continues to beat up on the last Vahrall demon. She even picks up a piece of wood and stakes it at one point, but to little effect. As the Vahrall hauls back to hit Buffy, its arm is grabbed from behind by Riley, who pulls it around and starts to beat up on it. Buffy still on the floor: "Don't let it jump into the Hellmouth!" The Vahrall grabs Riley and throws him across the room. Riley gets right back up only to get dropped by a hard kick to his stomach. Buffy is back up and waling on the demon. Riley gets back up and the beat up on it in tandem for a moment before Buffy kicks it across the room. A beam drops on Riley and while Buffy is distracted the Vahrall picks up the talisman and slides headfirst into the Hellmouth. Buffy: "I'm going in." Riley hooks a cable to her belt: "You're coming back out." Buffy runs and dives into the Hellmouth. We get a shot of the demon falling. A shot of Riley and the cable being pulled from a round box on his belt. A shot of Buffy falling. A shot of Riley wrapping the cable around a piece of rebar sticking out of some broken concrete. The cable stops being pulled out and Riley starts to pull Buffy back up while the earth is shaking again. Buffy's arm hooks over the edge of the hole and Riley hurries forward and helps her climb out of the hole. Buffy is holding on to the demon with her left hand and Riley helps her to pull it out of the Hellmouth. Riley: "Buffy." The Vahrall demon slumps down dead and the earth stops shaking. Cut to Riley and Buffy walking up to where Willow, Xander and Spike are waiting for them in the hallway. Riley: "Well, hey! Willow - and Xander, right? Jeez, what are the chances, huh? (Looks at Buffy for help, but she just folds her arms and looks down) Yeah, I was just passing by when I thought I heard people inside." Willow: "Passing by in your GI Joe outfit?" Riley looks down at himself. Buffy suppressing a smile: "No offence, but you do look wicked conspicuous." Riley: "I do? But it's... - Paintball! Yeah, I was playing paintball. And then the aftershocks..." Xander: "So you're one of the commando guys, huh?" Riley laughs: Oh, no, no, no, no. Commando? No, I mean... (Notices Spike) Don't I know you?" Spike: "Me? (Affecting a bad Texan accent) No. No, sir. I'm just an old pal of Xander's here." Riley: "Oh. That's nice." Buffy walks out and Riley and the others follow. Xander to Willow: "It's kinda weird being back, isn't it?" Willow looking at the burnt out hallway: "Yeah. Everything seems so small - and more charred and ruiny." Cut to Riley's dorm room the next day. He is again trying to shoot hoops with mixed success. There is a knock on the door. Riley: "Come in." Buffy sticks her head in then slowly walks in. Buffy: "You never called. So I didn't know..." Riley: "Oh, hey - I'm sorry. I'm just - I'm a dead man. - Secret. Highly. - Or it's supposed to be. And - and then you find out. I can deal. You're special. But last night with your friends was a disaster. I mean, could I've been less convincing? I was trained to be sneaky and stuff, and I'm like - Hi! Paintball - just passing by! I should have just given them my security code and rank!" Buffy: "You have a security code and rank?" Riley: "No. Did I just say..? (Sinks down on the end of his bed) This is so not good. (Sighs) Everybody knows about me. I'm finished. It's the end of the world." Buffy walks up to him with a smile: "No, it's not." She leans down and kisses him. Cut to Willow and Xander watching TV in his basement. Spike walks up to stand right in front of the screen and the two of them sway to one side in an effort to see around him. Spike: "What's this? Sitting around watching the telly while there's evil still a foot. (Turns the TV off) That's not very industrious of you. I say we go out there (Rubs his hands together) and kick a little demon ass! (Xander and Willow stare at him) What, can't go without your Buffy, is that it? To chicken? Let's find her! She is the Chosen One after all. - Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate them. For justice - and for - the safety of puppies - and Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! - Let's kill something! (Fade to black) Oh, come on!"	Plan: A: An earthquake; Q: What event occurs in Sunnydale that signifies the Hellmouth is opening? A: The gang; Q: Who must return to Sunnydale High to stop the Hellmouth from opening? A: Buffy; Q: Who struggles with Riley's secrets? A: Riley; Q: Who does Buffy struggle with? Summary: An earthquake occurs in Sunnydale, which signifies the Hellmouth is opening. The gang must return to the remains of Sunnydale High to stop it; Buffy and Riley struggle with each other's secrets.
[EXT. SKY AT HIGH ALTITUDE (STOCK)] (Camera opens on the sea of clouds at the bottom of the screen with the sun barely over the horizon. The wing tip of an airplane appears on the left of the screen. The camera moves over and the plane turns as it flies toward the camera.) (In the background, fast-tempo techno pop music plays.) (The camera zooms into the left engine.) (Quick CGI through the engine, into the plane, through the electrical system, up toward the main cabin, through the gas pipe and out into the main cabin. End of Quick CGI. Resume to present.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PLANE - MAIN CABIN - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The gas flame flares in the pot over it. They guests don't pay any heed to it. They continue to mingle, laugh, and drink.) (The party hostess, HARPER FITZGERALD, holds a martini glass in her hand and mingles with her guests. A man kisses her on her cheek.) (A woman is getting a massage in the middle of the room.) (HARPER FITZGERALD talks a bit with the woman getting the massage. The Steward, JASON BANKS, replenishes the food on the table.) (Cut to: Ext. The plane hits some turbulence.) (Cut back to: Int. Main Cabin. HARPER FITZGERALD and guests rock unsteadily on their feet as they feel the turbulence.) (The blue FASTEN SEAT BELT sign turns on. The CAPTAIN'S voice filters through the P.A.) Captain: (on P.A.) Hey, folks, we've hit a little more of that pesky turbulence. If you'd kindly take your seats we should be arriving on the hour. (Guests start to plop down onto the nearest seat. JASON BANKS approaches HARPER FITZGERALD who is still standing.) Jason Banks: (to HARPER) Fasten your seatbelts please. (HARPER FITZGERALD takes her seat. She turns to the woman next to her and raises her martini glass. Harper Fitzgerald: Cheers. (The camera moves past the other party guests and focuses on the closed back door at the back of the room. A horse whinnying can be heard faintly through the party noise.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PLANE - CARGO HOLD - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The camera pans backward and down slowly. The horse continues whinnying. The cargo hold is padded with silver insulation and is filled with the passenger's things - a couple of motorbikes, a tray of food and, in the center of the cargo hold, a stall with a horse tied inside.) (The camera moves past the tray of food, past the second motorbike, and focuses on the horse. Next to the horse on the ground in the stall on the straw is a dead woman.) FLASH TO WHITE: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. AIRPLANE HANGAR -- DAY] (BRASS stands in the middle of the hangar waiting as GRISSOM and CATHERINE walk inside. They glance at the horse in a different hold to the right of the door. They walk up to BRASS.) Brass: The victim's name is Lori Hutchins. (The woman's body is still on the bottom of the horse's stall.) Brass: Apparently, she chaperoned the horse on trips all the time. Baggage handler found the body in the cargo hold after the passengers had disembarked. Grissom: We're going to need to process everyone on that plane. Brass: Well, they're being corralled as we speak, partner. Catherine: Where to start? Grissom: First witness, first suspect. (Everyone turns to look at the horse.) Catherine: The horse? (beat) Grissom: Of course. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS AIRPORT (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. AIRPLANE HANGAR -- DAY] (CATHERINE interviews the STEWARD (JASON BANKS), the CO-PILOT and the CAPTAIN. They all stare at each other for a long moment. Finally, CATHERINE starts.) Catherine: All right, let's talk about Lori Hutchins. What can you tell me about her? Jason Banks: She was sweet, polite, quiet. Co-pilot: (GLASSES) Horses were her life. She was great with them. Catherine: And she always traveled down below with the horse? Jason Banks: Checked on her twice during the flight. Brought her dinner about three hours in. She was worried about the horse, but that was nothing new. Catherine: So nothing unusual. Co-pilot: There was some turbulence, but nothing outrageous. Captain: We had an emergency call button down there, if something went wrong. Lori never used it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. AIRPLANE HANGAR] (GRISSOM examines the horse's travel stall for evidence. He snaps some pictures of blood spots and finds a small pair of scissors with a piece of hair stuck to it.) (NICK walks up to the stall and lingers near the doorway.) Nick: Where's the horse? Grissom: USDA facility. Mandatory 48-hour quarantine. Nick: A hundred-pound woman trampled by a 1,400-pound horse? Doesn't seem very fair. (GRISSOM finds something.) Grissom: Tranquilizer dart. Nick: Changes the odds a little. (Under the straw, GRISSOM finds the rifle.) Grissom: Mmm. Nick: Yeah ... heavy artillery. Grissom: More than one way to handicap a horse. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. AIRPLANE - CARGO HOLD - DAY] (CATHERINE walks into the cargo hold with her kit. She looks around at the two motorbikes and other stuff.) (She lingers at the brown pieces of something on the ground. She puts a sample in a bindle and packs it away. She continues her examination. She sees something pink in the ceiling lining. She takes out a small stool and extracts the tranquilizer dart.) (Quick flashback to: In the cargo hold, the horse rears. LORI HUTCHINS tries to calm the horse down, but doesn't succeed. She turns around and picks up the tranquilizer gun and cocks it. She fires.) (The plane hits some turbulence and rocks LORI HUTCHINS on her feet. The dart hits the ceiling instead as she falls backward on the ground. The horse rears up. LORI HUTCHINS is thrown forward into the stall. The horse comes down on her.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (NICK walks into the cargo hold.) Nick: What have you got? Catherine: Trainer had all these small syringes. Why go for the big guns instead? Nick: Mmm ... I don't know. Maybe she didn't want to get too close to a spooked horse. What about this food? Catherine: Steward said he brought her some dinner. (She lifts the cover off of the plate and looks at it. She puts the cover back on.) Catherine: Guess she wasn't very hungry. Nick: Looks like someone stepped in horse crap. (NICK kneels down.) And what was the vic wearing? Catherine: Work boots, I think. Nick: That's a funky print. (CATHERINE looks at the print.) Catherine: Oh ... a J.P. Tod's driving loafer. Nick: Hmm? Catherine: I may shop the outlets ... but I read vogue. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DEATH VALLEY -- DAY] (LOCKWOOD escorts SARA and WARRICK to the body.) Lockwood: This is Death Valley, huh? Warrick: You get lost out here, you're toast. Lockwood: That may have been the idea. [SCENE_BREAK] (They reach the body.) Lockwood: Helicopter tour pilot noted it and called it in. Sara: Deathbed ... casket-ready. Laying in the hell's gate section of death valley. Warrick: Poetic. Sara: More like suicidal. (She snaps some pictures.) Lockwood: Is that bird crap? (SARA takes a sample of it.) Sara: Could be. (WARRICK checks the boy's pockets for ID. He takes out a wallet and reads the information on it. Warrick: Toby Wellstone. Mckinley High School. 12/12/87. [ID # 8438291] Sara: What's that on his hand? Warrick: Looks like a transdermal patch. Fetanyl. Pores in the hand make for faster absorption. Intentional overdose. Lockwood: I'll notify the parents. (LOCKWOOD leaves.) Sara: We're 85 miles from Las Vegas, one mile from the closest road. If this was a solo job, how did he get here? (WARRICK points to some tracks on the ground nearby.) Warrick: I see some tracks over there, but ... they could be from anything: A surveyor's tool ... a remote-controlled car ... (SARA raises the camera to take a picture of the marks.) Sara: Anything with wheels. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. AIRPLANE - MAIN CABIN -- DAY] (CATHERINE checks out the main cabin. BRASS walks in.) Brass: Oh, I'll tell you. Some days, it's tough to be me. You know, I wish that the seats were as organized as that bar. We have the passenger manifest. No assigned seating, 12 passengers 24 shoes, 36 lawyers. Nick: What was this, a smoking flight? Brass: Yeah, I think we've established the fact that these people do whatever it is they want. (NICK grimaces and stares at the rumpled sheets on the bed.) Nick: Now, please, don't make me ALS. Catherine: Hey, man, I don't want to go blind any more than you do. (CATHERINE looks down and finds a used condom on the bed. She opens a bindle and reaches down to pick it up.) Catherine: Oh ... looky here. (She holds it out for NICK.) Little DNA party. (NICK shudders. CATHERINE puts it in the bindle. She looks into the trashcan and sees something else.) Catherine: Ooh. Bloody towels. (She holds the trashcan for NICK to look inside.) Nick: Well, at least something made it into the trash can. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS AIRPORT (STOCK) - EARLY EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. USDA FACILITY -- DAY] (The USDA GUARD stationed at the doorway stops a woman from walking into the facility. She argues with him as CATHERINE and GRISSOM appear.) USDA Guard: I'm sorry, ma'am. You may not enter the quarantine area. Merrit: I know it's 48 hours, I know the rules, but I need to see my horse. (CATHERINE and GRISSOM walk up to the guard and show him their IDs. He waves them in and turns back to the irate woman.) USDA Guard: You can go in. Merrit: I want to talk to Dr. Stevens. USDA Guard: I'm sorry, ma'am. Merrit: He's my vet. USDA Guard: Sorry. Catherine: Hi, Dr. Stevens. (DR. STEVENS attends to the horse. He turns around when CATHERINE calls out to him. She shows him her ID.) Catherine: How's she doing? Dr. Stevens: Shaken up. Horses are incredibly sensitive to change. Travel's hard on them. Catherine: How about losing a trainer? Dr. Stevens: Like losing a best friend. I just don't understand how this could've happened. Grissom: We're going to need to pull some samples from that horse. Dr. Stevens: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] (DR. STEVENS takes some samples from under the horse's hoof. He takes some skin samples and puts it in a bindle. He hands it to CATHERINE. She pulls out a pen to label it.) Catherine: Thank you. (GRISSOM checks out the HIGH FOLLY's backend. He notices something. The Camera zooms in to note the stitches.) Grissom: This looks recent. What happened here? Dr. Stevens: High Folly is what we call a "dirty mare." Prone to serious uterine infections. (DR. STEVENS holds HIGH FOLLY'S head as CATHERINE extracts something from between her teeth.) Dr. Stevens: Caslick stitching keeps out fluids and bacteria. Grissom: So you stitch her up until it's time to breed? Dr. Stevens: I know it sounds bad, but I promise having an acute infection is worse. And there's no greater tragedy than a champion who can't breed. Catherine: Is this some kind of food? (CATHERINE holds out the sample. DR. STEVENS looks at it.) Dr. Stevens: I don't know. It could be. Catherine: We'll need a blood sample. We found a tranquilizer gun in the container. We want to double-check it. Dr. Stevens: You'd never use a tranq gun on a horse. The impact energy would cause an immediate adrenaline response. Make the horse more agitated. Catherine: We'll still need that sample. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO MORGUE -- DAY] (SARA meets up with WARRICK as they head to FORENSIC PATHOLOGY. WARRICK carries and looks through a file.) Sara: Hey. Nobody's here to claim the body? Warrick: Nope. I don't know what's worse, consoling a grieving parent, or finding a kid with no parents at all. Sara: No parents? Warrick: No, this kid has been through seven foster homes in seven years. System lost track of him a year ago. Sara: Mckinley high school said the same thing. He was out more than he was in. Kid was a ghost. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - MORGUE -- DAY] (ROBBINS pulls out the table with TOBY WELLSTONE'S body on it.) Robbins: Treated himself to a hamburger with pickles and ketchup, chocolate shake, and what I can only assume was super-size fries. Sara: So that's what killed him. Warrick: That's a five-course meal to a teenager. Robbins: More like a last supper, I'm afraid. He took a synthetic narcotic, fentanyl. By patch and by pill. Warrick: Yeah, that's a painkiller. Robbins: Used in hospitals, post-surgery. Sara: What is ... cisapride? Robbins: That what separates the attempts from the corpses. It's a prokenetic agent that speeds up the body's absorption of fentanyl and it keeps the stomach acids from going into reflux. (Quick CGI to: Stomach sounds. Stomach acids. A pill falls into the stomach and starts fizzing. End of CGI. Resume to present.) Warrick: No nausea, no vomit. Sara: No vomit, no chance of survival. Kid did his homework. Warrick: Permanent solution to a temporary problem. Robbins: Maybe not so temporary. 80% of all completed suicides have tried previously. (ROBBINS holds out TOBY WELLSTONE'S wrist to show the scars.) Robbins: From the scarring, I'd say twice before. (He pauses and looks down at the body.) Robbins: Third time's the charm. (He pulls the sheet over the body.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY - IMPERIAL PALACE (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (Camera close up of an Evidence bag label. On it reads: EVIDENCE ARTICLE: BRN SHAVINGS EXHIBIT NO. DATE/TIME COLLECTED: 04/30/03 WHERE ARTICLE FOUND: HIGH FOLLY'S TEETH INV. OFFICER: CW ) (CATHERINE picks up a piece of brown shavings and drops it in a filter set up on top of a glass tube.) (Camera moves over a second Evidence bag label. On it reads: EVIDENCE ARTICLE: BRN SHAVINGS EXHIBIT NO. DATE/TIME COLLECTED: 04/30/03 WHERE ARTICLE FOUND: CARGO BAY FLOOR INV. OFFICER: C.W. ) (She takes a piece of brown shavings from that sample and drops it into a second filter set up on top of a second glass tube.) (She takes some CHLOROFORM and puts some of it in each sample.) (NICK walks in. CATHERINE looks up.) Nick: Hey, fashionista. (He holds up the bag with a shoe in it.) Nick: Brass collected all the shoes. You were right. Not only did we find a match, but I also found trace elements. Catherine: Equus caballus? Nick: Horse dung all the way. Brass is bringing her in now. Catherine: Thanks. (NICK turns to leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (ROBBINS goes over the findings with GRISSOM.) Robbins: Our horse trainer has paramortem bruising and scraping, ranging from minor to major, all consistent with being trampled. What's not consistent is this: Pinpoints. (ROBBINS shows GRISSOM the body's right pupil. GRISSOM looks at ROBBINS, surprised.) Grissom: An opiate overdose? Robbins: Torphine. A thousand times as potent as morphine. Grissom: Tranquilizer. Robbins: Mm-hmm. One of the bruises contains a puncture wound about the same size as that dart you found. (GRISSOM takes off his glasses and looks at ROBBINS.) Grissom: How do you shoot yourself in the shoulder with a tranquilizer rifle? Robbins: Someone else shot her. Grissom: And framed the horse. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (NICK and BRASS question HARPER FITZGERALD.) Nick: Miss Fitzgerald, your shoe print was found in the cargo hold where Lori Hutchins' body was found. Harper Fitzgerald: Please ... call me Harper. Brass: Were you down there, Harper? Harper Fitzgerald: Yes. It is my plane. I can go wherever I please. Nick: Lady ... why were you down there? Harper Fitzgerald: To woo her. (Quick flashback to: HARPER FITZGERALD talks with LORI HUTCHINS.) Harper Fitzgerald: I know how much Merrit is paying you. (HARPER holds out the checkbook to LORI HUTCHINS.) Harper Fitzgerald: Why don't you write your own check? Lori Hutchins: (shakes her head) Thank you, all the same, but I'm not making any changes right now. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: You don't strike me as the kind of woman who'd take no for an answer. (BRASS sits down at the table.) Harper Fitzgerald: Mmm ... I'm not. I figured she'd come around. Besides ... she's no use to me dead. (NICK takes out a swab.) Nick: We need a DNA sample. (HARPER turns to look at NICK.) (cc) NICK: Open up. (She looks at him and opens her mouth. NICK takes the swab. She laughs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAST VEGAS HILLS (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DEATH VALLEY -- DAY] (WARRICK and SARA walk toward the dead body of a young woman. LOCKWOOD is already there kneeling next to it.) Sara: Getting a strange sense of deja vu. Warrick: It's raining bodies here. (LOCKWOOD sees them and stands up.) Lockwood: National Park Service found her. She was beyond our perimeter. We had no reason to believe that there were more bodies. They're looking for any others. Warrick: Want to turn her over? (The officers turn her over. WARRICK and SARA look at the body.) Warrick: He's wearing a suit. She's wearing a prom dress? That's odd. (WARRICK makes note of her wrists.) Warrick: No prior scarring on the wrists, but the same transdermal patch. That white substance looks like the same stuff you found near Toby's body. Sara: Seems like Romeo had a Juliet. Warrick: Who got out of bed and ended up a half-a-mile away. Sara: Her dress is way too big. Warrick: What are you thinking? Sara: Vanity, thy name is teenage girl. They were trying to go out in style. (beat) Something's off. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM walks into the lab. CATHERINE is already there. He's carrying a file.) Grissom: The tranquilizer gun looks like a wipe-down, and there's no prints on the ceiling dart. Catherine: How about the dart in the container? Grissom: Partial palm print. Not enough for comparison. But, there was three different matches on the handrail leading down to the cargo bay. A Harper Fitzgerald ... (Quick flashback to: From the teaser, HARPER FITZGERALD carrying her drink in the main cabin. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Owner of the plane. Grissom: Jason Banks ... (Quick flashback to: From the teaser, The STEWARD turns around as he's refilling the food on the table. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Steward who brought the vic her dinner. Grissom: Rhone Confer. (Quick flashback to: From the teaser, a blonde haired man in a dark suit and blue tie. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (CATHERINE shakes her head. She doesn't recognize the name.) Grissom: Formerly a Concierge at the Orpheus. Catherine: Concierge ... interesting. Grissom: It is? Catherine: Those brown shavings that we collected from the cargo hold and the horse's teeth were tobacco. More specifically, of Volando and Colorado Maduro. Grissom: Cigar tobacco. Catherine: Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but when it does not contain propylene glycol, an additive used in the humidification process ... Grissom: Then it's a Cuban cigar. Catherine: Dominicans are just as good, but, uh ... they're legal, so, you know, where's the fun in that? Grissom: So if I'm looking for an illegally imported Cuban cigar, I go to ... Catherine: Your handy concierge. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (BRASS and CATHERINE interview RHONE CONFER.) Brass: What were you doing on that plane? Rhone Confer: I'm friendly with Harper. Brass: Friendly? Is that a job title or do you perform a specific function for that distinction? Rhone Confer: (laughs) You don't get it. Brass: What, what ... what's not to get? Catherine: Uh, why don't you help us, since you're so good at getting things like Cuban cigars? Rhone Confer: Oh, come on. The embargo on Cuban cigars is ridiculous. Catherine: It's still the law. Brass: You break one law, the chances are... Rhone Confer: I never went near Lori Hutchins. Catherine: Well, we found your prints on the rail going down into the cargo hold. Rhone Confer: (sighs) Look. I helped Harper out with a party at the Orpheus about a year ago. We hit it off. She started inviting me to things. This is my first trip on the jet. Now, I know I wasn't supposed to go down there, but ... (beat) all that stuff? (Quick flashback to: RHONE CONFER walks up to HIGH FOLLY and pets her. She eats his cuban cigar. He protests.) Rhone Confer: Hey, hey, hey, there, buddy. That's a $60 Cuban. (He looks at the horse and backs away. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Rhone Confer: I got the hell out of there, and I kept my mouth shut. These people-- they don't tolerate a buzz kill, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be shot for being the messenger. Brass: So the happier Harper stays, the fatter your pockets. Rhone Confer: I really don't like to talk about money. Catherine: (holds up a swab) How about we talk about DNA? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (SARA swabs JILL FROMMER'S dress. She checks the dress with an ALS. She checks the dress stitching and notices the off colored threads.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAKROOM/LOUNGE] (WARICK is sitting at the table going through the file. SARA walks out from the hallway and into the breakroom. She takes the seat across WARRICK.) Warrick: Hello. You get anything off of that dress? Sara: I think our girl was a young Madame DeFarge. She made her own death shroud, but she didn't know her own measurements. Warrick: That's kind of freaky. Sara: Any results in the sexual assault evidence kit? Warrick: No, the kit came back negative. The stomach contents came back the same. Identical to Toby's: Burger, fries, and a shake. (WARRICK hands SARA the results.) Warrick: And, also, the drug ratios were the same for fentanyl and cisapride. (Camera focuses on the file folder of the two patches on the two hands.) Warrick: You know what else is freaky -- her prints were on his patch, and his prints were on hers. Sara: She was a willing participant in all this. (Quick flashback to: JILL FROMMER pours some pills into her hand and swallows them. TOBY WELLSTONE, sitting next to JILL, does the same. JILL takes a drink from her water bottle. TOBY drinks from his.) (JILL puts the patch on TOBY'S palm. TOBY puts the patch on JILL'S. He looks at him. He touches her cheek. She smiles.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Why didn't we find any trash at the crime scene, and why didn't we find a note? Warrick: Well, you know, I read somewhere that only 15% of suicides actually leave a note, but you would think, with all the trouble they went through, they would want to be found. Sara: Together. Warrick: Yeah, and after she was sedated, she crawls away from the scene? Sara: Why? (There's a knock on the room door. WARRICK looks up.) Lockwood: Hey, girl's library card matched a missing persons report filed today: Jill Frommer. Mom's coming in to I.D. The body. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM] (SARA and LOCKWOOD interview MRS. FROMMER.) Sara: Do you recognize this dress? Mrs. Frommer: No. Sara: Did Jill take Home Ec, or like to sew... Mrs. Frommer: Jill? Please. No, Jill didn't do anything domestic. You only realize what you want to teach them after it's too late. Lockwood: Toby Wellstone ... he lived with you as a foster kid about five years ago? Mrs. Frommer: Yeah, for about a year, and then I sent him back. Sara: Can I ask why? Mrs. Frommer: My husband died of cancer, and I couldn't handle Toby alone. That boy was just way out of control. And then about ... about a year ago, Jill brings him home. (Quick flashback to: JILL FROMMER pleading with her mother.) Jill Frommer: Mom, look at Toby's back. He can't stay there. It's not safe; you have to help, please. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Lockwood: And you did. Mrs. Frommer: It didn't seem like I had any choice. I mean, the system didn't care. Sara: Mrs. Frommer, were Toby and your daughter involved romantically? (She covers her eyes.) Mrs. Frommer: You know those moments you look back on and you wish you'd chosen door number two instead? My whole life feels like that. I got nothing left. (SARA looks down for a moment.) Sara: To your knowledge, did, um, Jill ever attempt suicide before? Mrs. Frommer: No. I mean, not that I know of, but with that boy around, there's no telling what he got her into. I ... I called Social Services. I tried to get him out of the house. He was on a list, but nobody wants teenagers, you know? Just five and under. Sara: Mrs. Frommer, we believe that Toby and Jill had help. We'd like a list of their friends. Mrs. Frommer: (laughs sadly) Friends?! I think it's pretty clear that my daughter's life was just way out of my hands. (MRS. FROMMER sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (GREG reports his findings to CATHERINE.) Greg: Blood on the paper towels was the vic's, Lori Hutchins. Found DNA on another area, however. Epithelials with two donors. Catherine: By who? Greg: Well, the vic and ... someone else. Catherine: Are you being cagey? Greg: I'm trying to transition out of cagey. You got to round up some more swabs. Neither Harpo ... Catherine: (corrects) Harper. Greg: Whatev-O. Neither She nor Rhone Confer was a match. (CATHERINE'S phone rings. She answers it.) Catherine: (to phone) Yeah? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS AIRPORT (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. USDA FACILITY -- NIGHT] (DR. STEVENS, GRISSOM and CATHERINE stand over HIGH FOLLY'S dead body.) Dr. Stevens: I came as soon as I got a call from the USDA. Catherine: What happened? Dr. Stevens: Chronic metritis. Uterine infections. I opened up the caslicks. I tried antibiotics, saline lavage ... I guess it was too little, too late. (GRISSOM kneels down and looks at HIGH FOLLY'S behind.) Grissom: I found a suture scissors near Lori's body on the plane. Is it possible that she knew about the infection and tried to relieve it? Dr. Stevens: Well, it'd have to be critical for lori to try emergency surgery in the air. Catherine: Define critical. Dr. Stevens: Massive swelling ... a threat to high folly's ability to foal. Grissom: I believe we found our greater tragedy. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS AIRPORT (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. USDA FACILITY] (GRISSOM watches the equine necropsy.) Jessie Menken: Equine necropsy's a lot like human autopsy. One organ at a time. Do you know, they're a lot like us, except their constitutions are even more sensitive. A horse can die from indigestion. Grissom: "A horse is dangerous at both ends, and uncomfortable in the middle." Jessie Menken: Who said that? Grissom: Ian Fleming. Jessie Menken: Ah, James Bond fan, huh? Grissom: I read the novels when I was a kid. Jessie Menken: Well, the vet flushed and dilated her, but her white blood count was through the roof. Grissom: You have any idea what caused the infection? Jessie Menken: Hard to tell ... but the uterus is a highly-balanced environment, and an infection can start with something as simple as a speck of dirt. The uterine walls sense a foreign body, and attack it. (GRISSOM holds out the tray. She pulls out the uterus and puts it on the tray.) (Quick CGI of: The camera starts outside the horse's bottom, then zooms through to the uterus and focuses on a black substance. White liquid surrounds the black substance. End of CGI. Resume to present.) Grissom: I thought the stitches were used to prevent the invasion of foreign bodies. (GRISSOM puts the tray down.) Jessie Menken: Well, they're supposed to, but she's got so much pyometra in her right uterine horn, something got in there. (JESSIE MENKEN takes a knife and cuts into the uterus.) Jessie Menken: Unless a horse is opened up, you can't actually reach the horns. (She opens it up and sticks her hand inside. She pulls out a bag. She looks at it confused.) Jessie Menken: This is outside my purview. (GRISSOM looks at the bloodied bag. He cuts it open and looks inside. He takes a tray and empties it.) Grissom: Uncut diamonds? (beat) The horse is a "mule". [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HIGH SCHOOL (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. McKINLEY HIGH SCHOOL -- DAY] (WARRICK and SARA question a group of teenagers.) Dark-haired Teenager: Jill Frommer? Dude, that girl was mental. Blonde-haired Teenager: I used to be friends with her in, like, fifth grade. Brown-haired Teenager: Sometimes I'd pick her up before school, and she'd always be waiting outside, like a dork. Sara: When was the last time you saw Jill? Dark-haired: Hmm, she hasn't been at school all year. Blonde-haired Teenager: I heard she switched schools to be with some guy. (She rolls her eyes.) Dark-haired Teenager: How lame. Brown-haired Teenager: Oh, like you wouldn't do it. Sara: (interrupting) Like, does this dress look familiar? Dark-haired Teenager: Oh, god. That's the dress that Alyssa made and wore to last year's homecoming. Blonde: When she was fat? Warrick: Ladies ... who is Alyssa? Brown-haired Teenager: Jamison. Aka GTS. Goody two shoes. When she's not out saving the planet, she's healing the sick. Sara: What? Blonde-haired Teenager: She works as a "Volun-teen" at the hospital. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY -- DAY] (SARA and WARRICK walk into the hospital and down the hallway.) (They walk up to the pharmacy window and press the button. A teenaged girl in a volunteer's uniform appears on the other side of the window.) Alyssa Jamison: Hello. How may I help you? Sara: Hi, there. I'm Sara Sidle, and this is Warrick Brown. We're with the crime lab. Did you know Jill Frommer? Alyssa Jamison: Sure. Sara: Did you happen to give her this dress? Alyssa Jamison: Yes. Warrick: Did you also give her fentanyl and cisapride? Alyssa Jamison: Oh, my god! She ... killed herself, didn't she? Sara: Yeah, she did. Alyssa Jamison: She gave me a necklace. Sara: Excuse me? Alyssa Jamison: Giving away sacred possessions. That's one of the sure signs of suicide. She traded the necklace for my dress. I told her she didn't have to, but she kept insisting. Said that she had something special to wear the dress to, and the necklace would be collateral. I took it as a good sign, because she'd been so depressed lately. Sara: Did you give her any drugs, or-or give her access to this pharmacy? Alyssa Jamison: I couldn't, even if I wanted to. (She points to the camera above.) Alyssa Jamison: Not that I ever would. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DR. STEVENS' OFFICE -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE kneels down next to the glass table. GRISSOM lingers in the doorway.) Grissom: According to his receptionist, Dr. Stevens ... left town ... unexpectedly. Catherine: Really? Well, check this out. (Camera zooms close up to the dust on the table.) Catherine: I don't think it's pixie dust. And ... lots of red lentils. (CATHEIRNE picks up the nearby trash can and shows it to GRISSOM.) Grissom: Supposedly used to keep the diamonds from chipping. (Quick flashback to: DR. STEVENS working with the diamonds on the table. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: That Dr. Stevens was very involved. Grissom: Mmm. (GRISSOM turns around and looks at the large poster hanging on the office wall of the MARE REPRODUCTIVE TRACT.) Grissom: A horse's uterus is the size of a football, so he could've packed it with pouches of diamonds. Catherine: Why did he leave one behind? Grissom: He took what he could reach. Catherine: And ran. Grissom: But he wasn't on that plane, so he couldn't have killed the girl. Catherine: He had a partner. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (The uncut diamonds are being cleaned. GRISSOM takes one out. He does a diamond analysis on it. The results read: ORIGINS: CENTRAL OR SOUTH AFRICA ... NESS: 1.1 - 2.5 SL. THICK 2 VERY GOOD EXCELLENT EXCELLENT WS1 F NONE (GRISSOM puts the diamond aside.) Grissom: Did you know that the term "carat" comes from the Mediterranean Carob Tree, whose seeds were used for centuries as a standard of measurement? (GRISSOM takes the next diamond out. CATHERINE sits on the other side of the table. She weighed the lentils.) Catherine: No. Um ... so, based on the six-to-one lentil-to-diamond ratio in the packet we found, and assuming that all the packets are the same size, I think we're looking for ... five more. Grissom: Five? Catherine: Well, yeah, based on weight, uh, we've established that approximately 183 grams of lentils per pack... 732 grams would be ... (CATHERINE does the calculations.) Catherine: Oh, my mistake. Four. Grissom: Well, it's not 100% accurate, but, uh ... based on shape, color characteristics, wavelength absorptions of the regional impurities ... it says that these diamonds come from Central Africa. Catherine: Conflict diamonds? Don't those fund warlords and support child slavery? Grissom: Yeah. Bought for pennies on the dollar, and banned by the U.N. Catherine: Well, that would explain why someone felt the need to smuggle them into the country. Grissom: That, and a half a million dollars worth of luxury tax. No customs, no tax. Catherine: And if Lori were about to find out, explains why someone would want to kill her. Grissom: So we've got the how and the why. (beat) We just need the who. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (BRASS interviews the Steward, JASON BANKS.) Brass: Well, you travel with a well-heeled crowd. I checked everybody's passports. Man, you guys get around ... but you're the only one who's been to Sierra Leone. Jason Banks: You know why I became a steward? Brass: I don't know, uh, see the world? Jason Banks: Exactly. Brass: What'd you see in Sierra Leone? Jason Banks: Well, that's the joke. Free night in Amsterdam? No, no. I went around the globe picking up packages for the Fitzgeralds like a frickin' bike messenger. "Oh, could you take the plane to Rome ... to Ghana... pick something up for me?" Brass: Sounds like fun. What kind of stuff did you pick up? Jason Banks: Who knows? Art, antiques. It's usually wrapped up. Look, I figure I'm better off not knowing, and it looks like I was right. Brass: What was your beef with Lori, the horse trainer? Jason Banks: I don't have one. Brass: Oh, well, we got a stack of bloody paper towels with your DNA on it that says you do. (Quick flashback to the bloodied towels in the trash. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Jason Banks: I took them from her. (Quick flashback to: JASON BANKS walks into the cargo hold carrying the dinner tray. LORI HUTCHINS sits on the floor against he wall. She stands up and he notices the wound.) Jason Banks: Hey, Lori, dinner's ready. You okay? Lori Hutchins: Yeah, the horse is just really freaked out. Gave me a good one. (She shows him her arm.) Would you mind taking these? (She gives him the towels.) Jason Banks: Sure. No problem. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Jason Banks: I got buzzed into the bedroom. Mrs. Fitzgerald needed help with her zipper. I threw the paper towels in the wastepaper basket. Brass: That's a tidy little story. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / DNA LAB] (SARA and WARRICK head down the hallway toward the DNA lab.) Warrick: You know Jill's friends seemed like they were brainwashed ... or brain-dead. And moms was absentee at best, huh? Sara: Well, teenagers are very suggestive. If Toby was the best thing she had going, it's the biggest influence in her life. Warrick: Yeah. (They reach the lab.) Greg: Don't even bother viewing those surveillance tapes. No hospital's dispensed cisapride in three years. Sara: So that's it? The kids just magically got the drugs and offed themselves, end of story? Greg: Not exactly. The white substance that you pulled from Romeo's blanket and Juliet's dress ... Warrick: Yeah? Greg: Denatured milk proteins and mucoid saliva. (beat) Baby spittle. Sara: There was a baby out there. Greg: Not just any baby -- their baby. I pulled DNA. Two halves make a whole. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DEATH VALLEY -- NIGHT] (Officers comb the area looking for the baby.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FROMMER RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (LOCKWOOD meets up with WARRICK and SARA.) Lockwood: Mom's credit card showed a suit purchase in the young men's department at JC Penney's. Warrick: Oh, yeah? Looks like moms is a personal shopper and chauffeur, huh? Guess moms is busy. (Through the car window, they see the take-out rubbish in the back of the car.) Sara: Too busy to notice a baby, apparently. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DEATH VALLEY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (OFFICERS continue to search for the missing baby.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FROMMER RESIDENCE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (WARRICK, SARA, and LOCKWOOD stand outside the front door. They knock. MRS. FROMMER opens the door. LOCKWOOD holds up the warrant.) Lockwood: Ma'am, we have a warrant to search the premises. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FROMMER RESIDENCE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (WARRICK and SARA each search through a drawer.) (In the second drawer he looks through, WARRICK finds some cards.) [SCENE_BREAK] (WARRICK and SARA search through the kitchen. LOCKWOOD and MRS. FROMMER stand aside and watch.) (SARA opens the cabinet door and finds something: a shelf full of prescription medicine. She goes through them and finds one in particular. She also finds a stack of patches.) (cc) SARA: Warrick ... (SARA picks up both the prescription bottle and the patches. She turns around to look at MRS. FROMMER.) Sara: Cisapride and fentanyl-- you care to explain this? Mrs. Frommer: My husband went through chemo, I told you that. The fentanyl's for my back pain. Warrick: Why didn't you tell us that Jill and Toby had access to these? (Quick flashback to: MRS. FROMMER asks JILL to get her pills.) Mrs. Frommer: Jill, I'm going to lie down. Go get me those pills for my back. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Mrs. Frommer: You didn't ask. (Out of nowhere, they hear the sounds of baby babbling and cooing coming from the refrigerator. SARA doesn't move. MRS. FROMMER doesn't say anything. WARRICK steps toward the refrigerator and opens the door.) (On the top shelf is the baby monitor in front of three baby bottles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FROMMER'S RESIDENCE - NURSERY -- CONTINUOUS] (WARRICK, SARA and MRS. FROMMER walk into the nursery. WARRICK looks at the baby in the bassinet.) Warrick: Hi, baby. Hi, little baby. (MRS. FROMMER picks up the baby.) Mrs. Frommer: I'm this baby's only chance. Sara: Lady, you are out of chances. Mrs. Frommer: Watching people kill themselves isn't against the law in Nevada. (Quick flashback to: JILL FROMMER lies down on the ground with the baby on her. She looks at her baby.) Jill Frommer: (to her baby) I love you. (MRS. FROMMER walks up to them and takes the baby from her.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: So you encouraged them to take the pills. (Quick flashback to: MRS. FROMMER yelling angrily at JILL and TOBY.) Mrs. Frommer: How much longer are you two going to ruin my life, huh? How much longer? (Cut to: JILL and TOBY sitting in the back seat of the car eating their dinner while MRS. FROMMER drives.) Warrick: (V.O.) You drove them out to death valley after their last meal. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: There's nothing like a little positive reinforcement, is there? (Quick flashback to: MRS. FROMMER pushes the baby stroller away from JILL.) Mrs. Frommer: They were beyond saving. (JILL gets up and cries out to her mother. Her mother continues to push the baby stroller away, ignoring her daughter.) Jill Frommer: Wait, mom, I changed my mind. I don't want to die. (JILL gets up and starts to follow them.) Jill Frommer: Mom! Mom! Please don't leave me! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: I think we can convince a jury that you did more than just watch. Mrs. Frommer: Not helping a child in danger is a misdemeanor. You might as well write me a parking ticket. Sara: We're going to write you up on murder, and then I'm going to call Child Services. Mrs. Frommer: Go ahead. I am next of kin, and without a record, I'm going to get her back in a second. (LOCKWOOD steps toward her and starts to handcuff her. She's still holding the baby. WARRICK steps up to take the baby.) Warrick: Miss ... (MRS. FROMMER gives the baby to WARRICK.) Mrs. Frommer: (to the baby) It's okay. It's all right. Sara: It's all going to be better with door number two. Mrs. Frommer: That's right. (LOCKWOOD takes MRS. FROMMER out of the room.) Sara: You think we even stand a chance? Warrick: No. Warrick: (to the baby) Hi ... hey. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (CATHERINE meets up with GRISSOM.) Catherine: What have you got? Grissom: We got animal, mineral, and now vegetable. Catherine: What? Grissom: I ran the trace on the remainder of the diamonds. Lentils and carrots. Catherine: Carrots on the karats. Grissom: I'm thinking Lori packed the diamonds. Catherine: After she fed the horse, evidently. (Quick flashback to: LORI HUTCHINS feeds HIGH FOLLY some carrots.) Lori: There you go. That a girl. (She scoops up the lentils off of the table.) (Cut to: She bags the diamonds. She packs the horse.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: She was the only one who got close to that horse. Catherine: So Dr. Stevens didn't have one partner, he had two. Grissom: And Lori was the only one who knew there was five packages, which would explain why Stevens left one behind. Catherine: She was a victim, but she wasn't innocent. (GRISSOM chuckles wryly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (NICK is in front of the screen. CATHERINE and GRISSOM sit in the back of the room in front of the monitor. NICK is setting up the screen.) (On the monitor is an Info box and picture of LORI HUTCHINS.) Catherine: Okay, so, we've got a dead woman, a dead horse, a runaway vet, and ... a couple million dollars worth of uncut diamonds that are unaccounted for. (NICK opens the second Info box and picture of ERICA DOLINKY, Ski Instructor. Additional Info reads: Birthplace, Las Vegas / s*x: Female / Age: 31 / Eyes: Brown / Hair: Brown / Height: 5'10".) Grissom: Well, diamonds are worthless unless you have a buyer. Nick: What if the vet repackaged the diamonds, took them with him. PD traced him to the Caymans. Catherine: But why would he smuggle them into the country only to smuggle them out again? Grissom: Flight Steward's story checks out. Lori Hutchins had an ante-mortem gash on her right forearm. (NICK opens the third Info box and picture of TREVOR NELSON, Masseuse.) Nick: Ski instructor ... massuese ... geez. Is there anyone not on Harper's payroll? Catherine: Well, you met her. Would you be her friend for free? Grissom: What about Harper? It was her plane, Meredith's horse. She didn't care what happened to the horse. (NICK opens the Info box and picture for HARPER FITZGERALD. He then opens the next Info box and picture for RHONE K.-CONFER.) Nick: Yeah, but she's got no reason to smuggle diamonds. Reward's not worth the risk. Catherine: (under her breath) Rhone Kinsey-Confer. Hey, what if we were thinking about this whole thing a little too globally? I'm going to find out what Rhone's mother's maiden name is. (CATHERINE picks up the phone and dials.) Grissom: What's his mother got to do with it? Catherine: She may have sold me my engagement ring. (to phone) Brass, check out Kinsey Diamonds. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KINSEY DIAMONDS] (Camera close up of a tray of uncut diamonds.) Catherine: (V.O.) Find out if the owner is related to our Concierge. (A single uncut diamond is picked up off of the tray.) (BRASS, followed by other officers, enter the backroom of Kinsey Diamonds where a lone diamond cutter sits at the table.) Brass: Sir, stop what you're doing. Las Vegas police. We have a search and seizure warrant for any and all diamonds. (The officers confiscates the diamonds.) Mrs. Kinsey: I bought those diamonds. They're mine. What are you doing? Brass: Hey, Mrs. Kinsey, did you ever stop and think that maybe your family discount was a little too good to be true? Did you really think your son mined those rocks himself? Come on. Think about it. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (BRASS and GRISSOM interviews RHONE CONFER.) Brass: Yeah, someone else's plane, someone else's horse. What a good plan. Except you got caught. Why even bother when you had everything you wanted at your disposal? Grissom: Tantalus. Stuck in hell, forever staring at the fruit just out of reach. Brass: Except you couldn't do it without Lori. My guess is her death was an accident. Grissom: Did she care more about the horse than she did the diamonds? (Quick flashback to: RHONE and LORI argue in the cargo bay of the plane.) Rhone Confer: Can't you give her a pill or something? Lori Hutchins: I'm taking the diamonds out. Rhone Confer: No, you're not. We've come too far to have this fall apart now. It's not worth the horse's life. Lori Hutchins: Yeah, well, it is to me. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Rhone Confer: Prove it. Grissom: Would you mind taking off your shirt? Rhone Confer: I don't want to. Brass: Well, that's unfortunate, because ... your tax evasion allows us to expand your warrant. And your shirt -- that's just the beginning. (BRASS opens the warrant and puts it on the table.) (RHONE CONFER sighs and unbuttons his shirt.) Rhone Confer: What are you looking for? (RHONE'S shirt falls open. In the middle of his chest is a large red, black and blue bruise.) Grissom: Evidence of a struggle. Oh, and there it is. (RHONE looks down at his chest.) Grissom: High-powered pneumatic guns don't need to be loaded to leave a mark. (Quick flashback to: RHONE CONFER picks up the rifle and shoots; the backfire hitting him in the shoulder. The tranquilizer dart lodges in the cargo bay's ceiling.) (LORI screams and struggles against RHONE and the rifle. She grabs the rifle and points the empty gun at RHONE'S chest. She fires.) (RHONE grabs the rifle away from LORI HUTCHINS. He then grabs a tranq dart out of the holder and stabs it into LORI'S shoulder. She falls down backward into HIGH FOLLY'S stall. She's unable to get up. The horse rears up on her hind legs. Camera close up of LORI'S pupils contracting to pinpoints.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Rhone Confer: (mutters) Freakin' pony lover. Grissom: "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse." [Note: Richard, Richard III, Act 5, sc. 4, 1 7 and 13, Wm. Shakespeare] (RHONE looks at GRISSOM, perplexed. GRISSOM smiles and shakes his head.)	Plan: A: Catherine; Q: Who is the female investigator on CSI? A: a horse trainer; Q: Who was found dead in the cargo bay of a private jet? A: the victim; Q: Who was trampled by the horse? A: the situation; Q: What do Grissom and his team discover is more complex than they first thought? A: two teens; Q: Who committed suicide in the middle of the desert? Summary: Grissom, Nick and Catherine investigate when a horse trainer is found dead in the cargo bay of a private jet. At first it looks like the victim is trampled by the horse, but Grissom and his team soon discover the situation is more complex. Meanwhile Sara and Warrick investigate how two teens could have committed suicide in the middle of the desert.
Act 1 Scene 1 - KACL [Fade in. Frasier comes into the booth. Roz is there with another woman.] Frasier: Well, it's official. Once again, there is no room for me at the Yo-Yo Ma Orchestral Fantasy Camp. Hello. Roz: Frasier, this is my cousin Jen. She's visiting this week, remember? Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. So how are you enjoying Seattle? Jen: Well, I've been living in London, so Seattle seems a little lame. No offense. Frasier: Oh, none taken. So you like London? Jen: Not really. It's like a parody of itself. Frasier: How so? Jen: Oh, you know, double decker buses, bobbies, little pubs. It's like EPCOT but even fakier. So I bailed. Went and spent some time in Florence. Frasier: Ah, Firenze. How is she? Jen: I gotta say, Florence is over. It was probably cool, before all the Americans found out about it. Frasier: You mean three hundred years ago? Jen: Exactly. That's why I'm going to Vietnam. Americans have never even heard of it. Frasier: Ah. Well, you know, I'm afraid I have to bail on this conversation, I have a show to prepare for. Roz, when are we doing those promos? This evening? [He heads for Roz's side of the booth, they follow him.] Roz: Oh, I had to reschedule those 'cause Jen and I are goin' out tonight! Jen: A guy I met on the internet is in a band. We're going to go check them out, have a few drinks, watch all the losers. Wanna come? Frasier: While no stranger to the discothèque, I'm afraid it will have to Be you and Roz this evening. Jen: This is our first time going out since I was a kid. When she used To baby-sit me, she was always dragging me on some wild adventure. Like that time we changed the sign from "SCHOOL ASSEMBLY" to "COOL ASS"? Roz: Oh, my God. Frasier: Charming. Jen: No, you don't understand. The town we grew up in, was totally boring. It was like Kill Yourself, USA, right? Roz was the only person who did anything fun. Frasier: Is that so? Jen: Yeah. My mom calls me "Roz Junior," which is what passes for wit where we come from. Roz: And, our town has the world's... Together: FOURTH LARGEST THERMOMETER! Frasier: Yes, well, I can see why London really let you down. [He goes back to his side of the booth and closes the door as Kenny comes in the other.] Kenny: Hey, Doc. Frasier: Hi, Kenny. Kenny: Remember last month when you spent your whole show talking to that pregnant teenager? Frasier: Yes. Kenny: Well, it wasn't a total waste. We just got nominated for an Excellence in Broadcasting Decency Award. Frasier: Really? Well, that is quite an honor. I don't think we've ever won one of those. [He sits.] Kenny: It's a very prestigious award. That's what makes it so special when they call your name. You know, it's heavier than it looks. You don't want to drop one of those on your foot, let me tell you. Frasier: So you won one. Kenny: Yeah, it's in a box in my office. You can come by sometime and I'll show you. Frasier: Honestly, Kenny, when are you going to unpack those boxes? Isn't Four years enough time to make that office your own? Kenny: Negatory, Doc. Every time I unpack in a new job, I get fired. Tacoma, Moline, Moline again... I learned my lesson; those boxes stay packed. Frasier: So that's why you haven't unpacked. You know, all this time, I've been using you on my radio show as an example of procrastination. I had no idea you were just living in fear. Kenny: I prefer to see it as a healthy superstition. Frasier: Kenny, there's no such thing as a healthy superstition. Kenny: Oh yeah? What do you call washing your hands after you go to the bathroom? [He leaves as Frasier is left without an answer. Fade out.] Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Martin is watching baseball on TV when Frasier comes in from his room. The living room is a mess.] Frasier: Look at this place. Dad, I don't believe you've thrown out a single paper since Daphne moved in with Niles. Martin: Hey, it was your idea to split up the chores. Recycling is your deal. Recycling and floors, remember? I'm in charge of regular garbage and tabletops, both of which are nicely under control, I might add. Frasier: Really? I count three snack plates around your chair, all of them on tabletops. [Martin grunts, then gathers the plates in a stack and puts them on the floor.] Martin: Not anymore. Frasier: All right, what's it gonna take for you to start doing your share of the work around here? Martin: [thoughtfully] Trade me floors for garbage. Frasier: You'll really take care of all the floors if I handle the garbage? Martin: That's right. [The doorbell rings and Frasier rises slowly while giving him a calculating look.] Frasier: Okay. Okay, you got a deal, Mister. [He opens the door to reveal Daphne.] Frasier: Hi, Daph. Daphne: Hello. Why's all your garbage stacked up in the hallway? [Frasier looks outside, stunned.] Martin: That's right, why is that, Frasier? [Frasier glares at him and closes the door.] Frasier: Your game is deep. Daphne: My, things are a bit untidy around here, aren't they? Maybe I'll Just clean up these dishes before we get started. [She grabs the plates and heads for the kitchen.] Frasier: Daphne, you don't have to do that. Martin: That's true. You're not our slave anymore. Daphne: I'm not gonna do all of it, just the tabletops. [She goes into the kitchen.] Martin: Aw, that's sweet of you. [He smugly grins at Frasier.] Martin: Burn. [Frasier stands there fuming. Fade out.] Scene 3 - Cafe Nervosa [Fade in. Roz and Jen are at a table, Frasier and Niles are standing around looking for a place to sit.] Frasier: No, no. Niles: Well, there's room at Roz's table. Frasier: No! I find her cousin Jen just a bit judgmental for my taste. Yesterday she told me my show was bourgeois. I pointed out that anything that had mass appeal could be said to be bourgeois. She then said that my argument was bourgeois. Which I found to be jejeune. Niles: People in their twenties are always like that. The world is so daunting at that age. They comfort themselves with the idea that everything's just trash. We were like that in medical school. Acting as if we were above it all, smarter than everybody. It passes. [They go over to Roz's table.] Niles: Hello, Roz. Roz: Niles, Frasier! Frasier: Hi, Roz. Roz: Come join us. Jen, this is Niles. Niles: Pleased to meet you. Jen: "Niles", whoa. Thanks Mom and Dad, right? [Niles seems perturbed but he and Frasier sit anyway.] Frasier: Well, Jen, good to see you again. So, how was our night out, girls? Roz: Well, it's still goin' on! We went to this really great club called Zoo. Frasier: Excuse me, The Zoo? Roz: No, it was just called Zoo. [Jen lets out a snort.] Jen: Huh, "The". [She and Roz laugh.] Frasier: Roz, is that glitter in your hair? Roz: Oh, is it? I thought it all came out in the car wash. [She heads for the ladies room. Jen's cell phone rings and she answers it.] Jen: Oh, that's mine. Hello? ... Oh, Anka. You won't believe what huge Seattle cliche I'm in right now. ... I swear, my cousin Roz is like the only cool person in this whole city. The rest are just drones. Apparently they don't believe in raw sugar. [rising] Excuse me. [She heads away.] Frasier: You see what I mean about her. Niles: She's struggling through a typical phase of development. Stop being so sensitive. [Jen comes back with sugar packets. Niles rises as she sits.] Jen: Sorry about that. Niles: Not at all. [The waiter brings Niles and Frasier's coffees.] Jen: So, tell me about you guys. Roz says you're super competitive with each other. Did your parents withhold affection or is just the pen1s thing? Niles: [to waiter] Uh, I'll take mine to go. [Frasier looks on smugly. Fade out.] Scene 4 - KACL [Fade in. Frasier is on the air.] Frasier: Coming up next, This Day in Psychological History. After the news. [Roz comes in from her side, yawning.] Roz: It was a good show, Frasier. Frasier: It's not over Roz, this is just a break. Roz: I'm sorry, I'm so exhausted. I haven't slept since Jen got here. [Jen comes in .] Jen: Hey, Roz, wanna go watch some backyard wrestling tonight? Roz: I don't know. Maybe we should stay in tonight...rent a video? Jen: Rent a video? You're turning into Aunt Mirabelle. All you need is a beanbag ashtray and a tracheotomy. Roz: Well, I'm not there yet. I just thought that maybe you could use a night off. Frasier: Say there, Jen, did you have a chance to explore that art gallery I suggested? Jen: Yeah. I know you're into that stuff so I don't want to put it down. But it was like everything in there was trying to make us feel better about our corrupt, imperialistic, phallocratic heritage. Frasier: They're landscapes. Jen: But I picked up something for you on the way over here. [She hands him a shopping bag.] Frasier: [rising] Really? Jen: Mm-hm. [He reaches in.] Frasier: Well... a bust of Freud. Well, that's really quite thoughtful of you. Jen: I figured you'd appreciate the irony. Since he's been proven wrong about practically everything. Frasier: I like to think that Freud's theories will withstand the test of time. Jen: Really? Have you read either of his books? Frasier: Excuse me, young lady... Jen: Uh-oh, here comes the lecture. Frasier: Yes, for once you are right, for a disquisition is indeed at hand. And may I suggest you roll your eyes back into the forward position, as I may actually employ some visual aids. Now, our story begins with a young Greek woman of the name Clytemnestra... [N.B. In classical literature, the wife of King Agamemnon, who killed her husband when he returned from the Trojan Wars and ran off with her lover.] [Kenny comes into the booth.] Roz: Look, everybody, Kenny's here! Kenny: Wow, I've never heard that before. Roz: Jen, maybe Kenny can show you around the station. Jen: You already showed me around the station yesterday. Roz: Yeah, but you know what? I totally forgot to show you our ratings binders. Kenny: You did? Roz: Yeah. Kenny: Well, then you're in for a treat. [Jen starts out the door then notices what Kenny is holding.] Jen: What's that trophy for? Kenny: Oh, a little series I produced called "Life Is My Favorite Drug of All". Jen: Sounds pretty lame. Kenny: [pauses] Yeah, it was. [They leave and Roz closes the door behind them.] Frasier: All right, that girl is really getting under my skin. When is she leaving? Roz: She's not that bad. Frasier: Oh, come on, Roz, she's running you ragged. Roz: Oh, please, this is nothing. I used to party every night. Frasier: Well, sure, at twenty you can do anything. Roz: Hey, there's still a lot of candy left in this pinata. Frasier: That's attractive. Roz: Thank you. [She goes to her side, closing the door behind her. Fade out.] Scene 5 - KACL [Fade in. Kenny opens the door to his office and leads Jen in.] Kenny: And this is my office. The nerve center. Where it all gdoes down. Jen: Did you just move in here or something? Kenny: Oh, no. No, but in AM radio you've got to be ready to go in a moment's notice. One day you're operating a fifty thousand watt powerhouse in Cleveland, the next your spinning platters out of a barn in Tulsa Town. You've gotta keep movin', it's all about the music. When it isn't about news and talk. Jen: I heard AM radio is dead. Kenny: Yeah, it is. So, you're going to Vietnam? Jen: I'm thinking about it. Kenny: That's such an original choice. You're so cool. Jen: You're the first person that hasn't thought I was totally crazy for wanting to go there. Kenny: Oh, what do they know? I've always loved the idea of just taking off. You know, seeing someplace exotic. Jen: Why haven't you? Kenny: My wife. She didn't like to travel. Jen: But you just said you were separated. So do it. Blow all of it off, go to Vietnam. Break out of this prison cell. Kenny: I could, couldn't I? You know, I could just be free. Just get a motorcycle, drive around the countryside, really start to live. Jen: I never even thought of the motorcycle. Now you have to do it. Kenny: People would think I was nuts. Jen: I wouldn't. [Cut to - Frasier's booth. He is on the air, speaking passionately.] Frasier: When Freud's genius has OBVIOUSLY influenced every psychiatrist on the planet... [Roz gestures in surrender.] Frasier: I haven't forgotten about you, callers. Stay tuned, won't you? [He punches out and takes off his headset as Roz comes over to his side.] Roz: I'm starting to feel guilty about pawning Jen off on Kenny like that. He's been a little down lately, and Jen can be a little, well, negative sometimes. Frasier: I hadn't noticed. Roz: I just hope she doesn't send him spiraling down into some kind of depression. [Cut to - Kenny's office. He and Jen are on the couch, necking furiously.] End of Act 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Act 2 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa [Fade in. Jen and Roz are at a table together. Jen is staring at another customer.] Jen: So, Seattle still loves the Walkman, huh? He's probably listening to "Thriller". So, do you still want to go to that warehouse party tonight? Doors open at eleven, so we should probably be there at one. Roz: Look, I wish I could Jen, but I really have to sleep. Jen: Don't worry, we'll have a few cocktails and you'll feel a lot better. Roz: Forget it, I am not drinking again tonight. Jen: So just drink beer. I mean, Alice is still at her grandparent's, right? Roz: Listen sweety, why don't you go out by yourself tonight. Jen: Oh, come on, Mirabelle, have some fun. Roz: Don't do that. Jen: Do what, Mirabelle? Roz: Knock it off, I'm serious. Jen: You used to be so fun, but ever since you've got the condo and the SUV, you're all 401(k) or whatever. Roz: I'm exactly the same person I've always been. Jen: Oh, yeah? I checked your car radio. It's not stuck on that classic rock station. Roz: For your information, classic rock is both classic and it rocks. Jen: What happened to you? Roz: I'm old! [They both drink their coffee uncomfortably. Fade out.] Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Martin is watching TV, Frasier is on the couch. Daphne is straightening up. The doorbell rings.] Frasier: Daphne, would you get that? [She does. It is Niles.] Niles: Sorry I'm late, I... [He notices her apron.] Niles: What's going on? [Martin and Frasier share a worried look.] Frasier: Uh-oh. Martin: Steady... Daphne: Your father and brother needed a little help. The oven's all clean, I just have a bit of ironing left, I won't be a minute. And don't forget: I've drawn baths for both of you. [Frasier and Martin weakly protest this. She hurries off. Niles stares at the other two, who avoid his gaze.] Niles: Are you proud of yourselves? Frasier: We didn't ask her to do anything. Martin: She offered. Niles: Then why is no one looking me in the eye? Frasier: I'm sorry, Niles, you're right. Maybe we took advantage. Martin: Absolutely. We're way out of line, it won't happen again. [He tosses his popcorn bowl on the floor.] Niles: What are you doing? Martin: What? Niles: Are you going to leave that there? Martin: I'll clean it later. Niles: Well, that's the whole problem. If you would just clean as you go, things wouldn't pile up, you wouldn't need Daphne's help. Martin: I guess. Niles: No, it's true, look at this. Look how easy. [He picks up the bowl and Frasier's from the coffee table, and heads for the kitchen.] Niles: See? Small, consistent efforts, that's what it takes. Just like managing one's cuticles. [He reaches the kitchen.] Niles: [calling] You know, there's a bowl of potato salad laying out, completely uncovered. Martin: It's getting tangy. Niles: The plastic wrap is right here. Frasier: We really should help him. Martin: Are you nuts? He's about to make us dinner. Frasier: He is not. Martin: Twenty bucks says he is. Frasier: Forget money. Let's wager something real. Martin: All right, if I get him to make dinner, you do all the chores. If I don't, I'll do 'em. [Daphne comes back out.] Daphne: I'm ready, Niles. Niles: [returning from the kitchen.] Excellent, because tonight I am taking you to the finest bistro in the Pacific Northwest. Frasier: You're on! Martin: Take your sweet time, why don't you?! [calling out] Hey, guys, Are you sure you don't want to stick around? I was just going to open a can of spaghetti. Niles: [stopping at the door] But, you have sea bass in the fridge. Martin: Oh, it'll probably last another day. Niles: Oh, I think you should cook it tonight. Martin: Fine. I'll nuke it with some ketchup. [Frasier looks on warily.] Niles: That's ridiculous. You can't use your turkey recipe on fish. Martin: Well, what am I supposed to do? Niles: Well, just take one clove of garlic, two tablespoons of finely minced fresh ginger... [off Martin's confused look] Oh, for heaven's sake, I'll do it myself. [He heads for the kitchen, Daphne closes the door.] Daphne: I suppose I'll lay the table. Martin: No, no Daphne. You've done enough for today. That's Frasier's job. [He sits smugly as an irate Frasier gets up. Fade out.] Scene 3 - KACL HE'S ALSO SEEN BOSTON AND KANSAS [Fade in. Kenny is in his office, snacking and listening to Frasier on the speaker.] Frasier: [v.o.] And so for our final hour today, I'd like to focus on First-time callers only. We've heard a lot of familiar voices this week and I'd like to shake it up... [Jen comes in the door.] Jen: Hey. Kenny: Hey. [He gets up and turns the speaker down.] Kenny: I looked for you at that warehouse party last night, but I didn't see you. Jen: Oh, I was in the old meat locker. Kenny: Oh, I didn't look in there. Jen: Sorry we didn't hook up. Did I leave my sunglasses in here? Kenny: Oh, yes, you did. [He gets them out of his desk.] Jen: So, I'm taking off. I had a really cool time with you. I hope you make your break from here soon. Kenny: Good news. I just got off the phone with my travel agent. She got me this great fare to Ho Chi Minh City and she said it'd be no problem to get you on the same flight. This is gonna be awesome! I've never seen Asia before. I've seen the band, of course, but not, you know... Jen: Oh, well, about that, Kenny, um, I already booked a flight. Kenny: Oh, well maybe I can get on your flight. Jen: Well, see, the thing is, I travel solo. Kenny: Oh. Jen: It's kind of a rule I have. I had this bad experience once... Kenny: Oh, no, please. I totally get where you're coming from. Solo's the way to go. My high school French club went to Montreal once, nightmare! Jen: You should still go. You deserve to have some fun. Kenny: Okay. Yeah. Well, maybe I'll run into you over there. Jen: I'd like that. [She kisses him on the cheek and leaves. Kenny looks around wistfully and turns the speaker back up.] Frasier: [v.o.] Our next caller is Stu, from Madrona. Go ahead, Stu, I'm listening. [Cut to - Frasier's booth as Stu speaks.] Stu: [v.o.] All right, it's like this: I've been dating my girlfriend for six years and she keeps bugging me about movin' in.. But I know as soon as she does, my freedom is gone. Everything's gotta be in the hamper, I can't eat over the sink, can't just go out whenever my buddies call, it's a lot to give up. Frasier: Okay, Stu, how old are you? Stu: The calendar says forty-seven, but I feel eighteen, right? Roz: Forty-seven?! Frasier: Now, Roz... Roz: I have a suggestion for you, Stu: Grow the hell up! Stu: What? I'm sorry? Roz: I'm thirty-eight. And I FEEL thirty-eight. Now, I know we're all supposed to act like perpetual teenagers these days, but you know what? I like acting my age. I like being a mom. I like having a career. And I like balancing my checkbook! When did it become such a bad thing to be an adult?! Stu: Dr. Crane? Hello? Roz: Now, don't get me wrong, I had a great time when I was younger, I did! But after a while, that way of life just seems...empty. You have to go deeper, and commit to things that really matter to you. Believe me, when you do that, you'll find out how amazing and rich life can be. Stu: Hey, I know that voice. You were at Zoo the other night. [Roz Looks nervous.] You told me you were twenty-nine. Frasier: Thanks for your call, Stu, let's go to traffic. [He punches off, removes his headphones and goes over to Roz's side.] Roz: I'm sorry, Frasier. I guess I shouldn't have unloaded on that guy. I've just been thinking a lot about age lately. Frasier: That's all right, Roz. I thought your speech was courageous. And Who knows? Even if it went right past Stu, maybe it reached somebody else out there on the Frasier Crane Radio Network. [They share a laugh. Cut to - Kenny's office. He is staring out the window, the speaker still on in the background. He turns and shuts it off. He then starts unpacking his boxes. Fade out.] [SCENE_BREAK] Martin is sitting in his chair and sets his plate down on the floor. At Frasier's dirty look, he gives a "Don't worry about it" wave. Eddie comes in and licks it clean, then carries it off to the kitchen in his mouth. Martin is smug, Frasier is not impressed.	Plan: A: a visit; Q: What does Roz receive from her cousin, Jen? A: ( Zooey Deschanel; Q: Who plays Jen? A: Niles; Q: Who thinks Jen is typical of her age group? A: her home town; Q: Where does Jen live? A: clubs; Q: Where does Roz join her cousin to maintain her image? A: the small hours; Q: How late does Roz stay out with Jen? A: its toll; Q: What does the lack of sleep take on Roz? A: Frasier; Q: Who finds Jen's opinionated attitude intolerable? A: Jen's opinionated attitude; Q: What does Frasier find intolerable about Jen? A: her negative views; Q: What does Jen express about Freud that makes Frasier dislike her? A: the best connection; Q: What does Roz experience with Kenny? A: Kenny; Q: Who is impressed by Roz's plan to travel to Vietnam? Summary: Roz receives a visit from her twentysomething cousin, Jen ( Zooey Deschanel ), who typifies her age group (according to Niles) on account of her endless cynicism about everything. She also parties very hard, and since she has always looked up to Roz as the only exciting person in her home town, Roz feels obliged to maintain this image by joining her cousin at clubs until the small hours. However, Roz is not as young as she used to be, and the lack of sleep starts to take its toll. Frasier finds Jen's opinionated attitude intolerable, especially when she expresses her negative views on Freud . Rather surprisingly, the person she experiences the best connection with is Kenny, who is impressed by her plan to travel to Vietnam .
[ The lobby ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sheldon: Two one six four two zero one nine eight nine. And that, little lady, is pi to a thousand places. Amy: I'd say I'm sorry I asked, except I didn't. Sheldon: Oh, look, it's the Scientific American that covered the paper Leonard and I wrote. Amy: Oh, let me see. Sheldon: I have mixed feelings about doing interviews. I like the part where I talk. I do not like the part where the other man talks. Amy: Sheldon, this article doesn't mention Leonard at all. Sheldon: Well, that can't be right. Amy: It only refers to "Dr. Cooper and his team." Did you even talk about him? Sheldon: All I did was answer a few questions about the theory. And then expressed my gratitude that Scientific American doesn't include any of those smelly perfume cards. Amy: Poor Leonard. Sheldon: Why? The theory he came up with just got mentioned in Scientific American. He ought to be thrilled. Amy: He might not be. Sheldon: Oh, maybe you're right. He is kind of a lump. Amy: Think about it. How would you feel if you were referred to as part of Leonard's team? Sheldon: Oh, I'd be incensed. Amy: So you see what I'm getting at? Sheldon: Squeaky wheel gets the grease? Amy: No. Sheldon: Grass is always greener? Amy: Try again. Sheldon: Well, I don't know, we're all Groot? Just tell me. Amy: Leonard is as much a part of this paper as you are, and he was overlooked. He's going to feel bad. Sheldon: But it wasn't my fault. I didn't exclude him. And I didn't write the article. Amy: Remember that time you didn't get picked to pull the sword out of the stone at Disneyland and they let that other kid do it? Sheldon: Oh, that kid. Poor Leonard. Amy: Exactly. Sheldon: For the record, that kid was a terrible choice. If you cry when you drop your churro, you do not have what it takes to rule England. [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ ♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ ♪ Bang! ♪ Original Air Date on March 12, 2015 [SCENE_BREAK] [ Howard's car ] [SCENE_BREAK] Howard: Thanks for helping us sort through all my mom's stuff. Raj: Of course. I know what it's like having to go through a loved one's possessions. My uncle was a worshipper of Krishna. But after he died, you know what we found? A statue of Shiva. It may not be Crips and Bloods, okay? But in India, it's a thing. Bernadette: Well, it'll be good that you're there. Howard's been having trouble deciding what to keep and what to let go. Howard: Well, it's hard. A lot of Ma's stuff brings back fond memories. Bernadette: Is that why you couldn't get rid of her drawer full of ketchup packets? Howard: Yes. It reminds me of us eating out and her saying quick, nobody's looking, fill your pockets with ketchup. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The apartment ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sheldon: Leonard? Have you ever noticed that only my name is on the cable bill? Leonard: Yeah. Sheldon: Good, good. And your name is on the electric bill and mine isn't. And I'm okay with that. Leonard: Actually, your name is on the electric bill. Sheldon: Oh, right. This is a disaster. Leonard: I don't even know what you're talking about and I agree. Sheldon: Okay, I have to tell you something, but you're not going to like it. Leonard: What's going on? Sheldon: An article was just published in Scientific American about our theory. Leonard: Did they hate it? Sheldon: No. No, they loved it. They, uh, couldn't say enough nice things about it. Leonard: So what's the problem? Sheldon: You know how the PennySaver only has my name... Leonard: Sheldon. Sheldon: They didn't mention you in the article. Only me. Leonard: Really? Sheldon: I know. It's not fair. Let the anger go, buddy. You just, you relax all your muscles. Except for your pubococcygeus and a**l sphincter. Let's keep those tight. Leonard: Uh, that, that's not necessary. Sheldon: It is. They're what hold back the urine and the faeces. Look, maybe, maybe you shouldn't read it. It'll only make you feel worse. Leonard: "Cooper and his team"? Sheldon: You should know I had nothing to do with that. Leonard: Uh, at least they're talking about the theory. I mean, that's what's important. Sheldon: You know, you're right. Yeah. You know, it's like when Stan Lee and Steve Ditko created Spider-Man. Stan Lee may get all the credit, but Steve Ditko knows he was just as important. Even though Stan Lee gets to be in all the Marvel movies. And. and he's far richer. And he's a household name, you know? Whereas, you know, you say Ditko, and that sounds like a company that makes Dits. Leonard: That's not helping. Sheldon: Well, I'd give more examples, but, well, everyone in your position's so forgettable. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mrs Wolowitz's House ] [SCENE_BREAK] Howard: Stuart, we're here. Raj: It's nice of you to let him keep staying at your mom's house. Howard: Yeah, well, I tried putting him out on the curb, but nobody took him. Stuart: Hey. Just so you know, the power's out. Bernadette: What happened? Stuart: I called, they said a transformer blew. It's the whole block. Should be fixed by tomorrow. Howard: Wait, when did it go out? Stuart: In the middle of the night. Howard: Oh, my God. Bernadette: Howie, what's wrong? Howard: It's all defrosting. Bernadette: It's okay. It's just food. Howard: It's not just food. This is the last food my mother ever made. This is her last brisket. This is her last meatloaf. This is her last. I have no idea what this is, but it's the last one. Raj: Everything okay? Howard: No. All Ma's food is gonna be ruined. Bernadette: Well, why don't we take it home and put it in our freezer? Raj: You don't want to do that. Refreezing not only removes moisture, but it creates ice crystals in the fibres of the meat that can compromise its taste and texture. What? I saw a teachable moment. I dropped some culinary science. Bernadette: What should we do? Howard: I'll tell you exactly what we're gonna do. We're gonna eat it. Bernadette: There's, like, twenty pounds of food in there. Howard: All you said was I had to get rid of things. You didn't say they couldn't pass through my colon first. Bernadette: Howie. Howard: Okay. Then how about this? Let's invite everyone over to dinner. It'll be like Ma's feeding us one last time. Bernadette: I love that. Raj: Me, too. Oh, look, we've got enough ketchup to cover every ounce of it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's apartment ] [SCENE_BREAK] Penny: I mean, who even reads Scientific American? Leonard: It's kind of a big deal. Penny: If it's such a big deal, how come the biggest celebrity they could get for the cover is a molecule? Leonard: Can we please just stop talking about it? Penny: I'm sorry. What can I do? Leonard: Nothing, I'm fine. Penny: No, no. I'm gonna cheer you up. Here we go. Leonard: What are we doing? Penny: I am taking you shopping. Leonard: Oh. Penny: My baby is sad, and I'm gonna make him happy again. Leonard: Look, I know shopping cheers you up, but it's just not really my thing. Penny: Well, what about this helicopter you control with an iPad? Leonard: Does it have a camera in it? Penny: It does have a camera in it. Leonard: Baby's listening. Sheldon: (Knocks) Leonard? (Knocks) Leonard? (Knocks) Leonard? Leonard: What? Sheldon: I spoke to the reporter at the magazine. Leonard: What happened? Did you tell him it was my idea? Sheldon: I did. Leonard: Thank you. What did he say? Sheldon: He said they made the editorial decision to only cite the lead scientist. Leonard: Why did he think you're the lead scientist? It was my idea. Penny: You know, for an extra four bucks, I can have this thing here tomorrow. Sheldon: Well, I know it was your idea, but the reporter said he's been following my work for a while, and the only reason they even mentioned it in the magazine is 'cause my name is on it. Penny: You know what? I did it. What's four bucks? Leonard: If you're trying to make me feel better, it's not working. Sheldon: Well then what if I told you that I added your name to the cable bill? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Oh. That's just as well. They had me on hold for 20 minutes and I hung up. (Knocks) Leonard? (Knocks) Leonard? (Knocks) Leonard? Also, Wolowitz invited us all to dinner, so I'm ready whenever you are. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Amy's car ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sheldon: All he had was an idea. Amy: Well, that is an important part. Sheldon: Oh, please. I have ideas all day long. Reverse SeaWorld where dolphins are allowed to pet people. A new clothing size between medium and large called Marge. Snow White retold from the point of view of Sneezy. Why won't Doc prescribe him something? We finally find out. Amy: But Leonard's idea was good. Sheldon: Fine. Then Grumpy, what's he so grumpy about? Maybe his girlfriend won't take his side. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's car ] [SCENE_BREAK] Leonard: I'm the one who thought of it. Penny: Well, didn't he do a lot of the work? Leonard: Yeah. But now he's happy to let people think he's responsible for everything. Penny: And that's why you get an iPad helicopter. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Amy's car ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sheldon: Is it my fault I have a much bigger reputation than he does? Amy: It's not your fault. Sheldon: Is it my fault that my name came first on the paper alphabetically? Amy: Not your fault. Sheldon: Is it my fault that when the reporter cited me as the lead scientist I didn't correct him? Amy: Hey, look at that pretty bird. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's car ] [SCENE_BREAK] Leonard: He always needs all the attention. He's such a baby. Penny: I know, I know. Leonard: I swear, he is never ever playing with my helicopter. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mrs Wolowitz's kitchen ] [SCENE_BREAK] Raj: Okay, I'll start heating some of this stuff up. Bernadette: Thanks. Howard: Oh, man. This is the boutonniere from my high school prom. A piece of cake from my Bar Mitzvah. Bernadette: Did she throw anything away? Howard: No. If I find my foreskin, I'm gonna kill myself. Raj: Okay, so we've got, um, three briskets, four meatloafs, one lasagna. Howard: No, that's noodle kugel. Raj: One Jewish lasagna, two pound cakes that are about eight pounds each, and one giant container of matzoh ball soup. Howard: Ma always kept it on hand, in case I got sick. She thought she could cure anything with her cooking. Even the time I got food poisoning. From her cooking. Bernadette: You okay? Howard: Yeah, I'm okay. Let's get started. Raj: You got it. Howard: (voice breaking) I'm never gonna talk to her again. Bernadette: Should we tell everyone not to come? Howard: No. I want to do this. Bernadette: Okay. Well, I'll keep it together if you can. Howard: Okay. (chuckles) Raj: (voice breaking) I'm not making any promises. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mrs Wolowitz's living room ] [SCENE_BREAK] Stuart: Glad you guys could make it. Leonard: Of course. Penny: Wow, it looks really pretty in here. Stuart: Yeah, turns out half a dozen menorahs really sets a mood. Leonard: So, Stuart, have you thought about what you'd do if Howard sells the house? Stuart: And there goes the mood. Sheldon: Hi. Hello. Oh, and a special hello to Leonard, who needs to be mentioned by name. Leonard: Subtle. Sheldon: But you got it, right? Howard: Hey, guys. All: Hey. Hi. Hello. Howard: I just want everyone to know, uh, tonight's not a sad occasion. Bernadette: Yeah, we just want to have the kind of dinner that we've all had here so many times before. Howard: Good food, good friends, and sometime around midnight, heartburn that makes you pray for death. Amy: Do you need any help in the kitchen? Bernadette: No, we got it. You guys make yourselves comfortable. Penny: All right, hey, you two, we're here for Howard right now, okay? Amy: Yes, so please behave yourselves. Leonard: Fine. Sheldon: Of course. Stuart: So I heard you two, uh, wrote a paper together. How's that going? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mrs Wolowitz's dining room ] [SCENE_BREAK] Penny: This food is amazing. Raj: Mm, and not a vegetable in sight. Howard: That's not true. We've got tomatoes right here. Amy: All these bright people sitting around a table by candlelight. Feels like we could be an 18th century French salon. Sheldon: Indeed. Penny, a salon is a gathering where intellectuals entertained each other with sparkling conversations about issues of the day. Penny: Oh, so it's like The View. Amy: Sheldon, The View is a daytime talk show hosted by women. Sheldon: Oh, I'm aware. It features Whoopi Goldberg. She played Guinan on Star Trek: Next Gen. Penny, Next Gen refers to Star Trek... Penny: Shut up. Raj: I would like to propose a salon topic. Amy: Ooh, please do, Rajesh. Raj: The lead in The Hunger Games is a woman. Marvel has made "Tor" a female. Penny: Wait, who's Tor? Raj: You know, Tor, the God of "Tunder". As I was saying, is this a sign that our society is approaching gender equality? Howard: Certainly a lot more women are reading comic books now. Stuart: It's true. At the store, I had to put a seat on the toilet. Amy: We won't know if there's equality until female Thor has a baby and the Avengers are cool with her pumping breast milk at work. Howard: I wonder if only a baby who is worthy can suckle at the bosom of Thor. Penny: Okay, new salon topic. Salons, dumb thing from a long time ago or interesting thing made dumb by talking about superheroes? Discuss. Sheldon: I don't believe it matters what the topic is. What's crucial for a salon is that we conduct the discussion in an elevated and insightful way. It's all about the execution. Leonard: Of course you'd focus on that rather than the inspiration. Uh, new salon topic. What's more important, an idea or its execution? Bernadette: Oh, that's fine. Sheldon: Yeah, good for you, Leonard. That's a lovely little notion. Kind of like, "I wish I could talk to my uncle in Chicago." Yeah, now stand back while I invent the telephone. "Hello? Oh, hold on." Leonard, it's your uncle. He says you just got burned. Amy: Sheldon. Penny: Guys. Leonard: No, it's okay. We're all adults trying to have an intelligent discussion. At least I am. Howard, what do you think? Howard: Well, I guess, as an engineer, I lean towards execution. I spend my days trying to take ideas and make them real. Sheldon: Well said, old chap. I thought eloquence had died, here it stands before us. Starting today, it'll go Gettysburg Address, "I have a dream," and what he just said. Leonard: Oh, now he's a genius? All you ever do is make fun of him and engineering. Sheldon: Leonard, please. His mother just died. Leonard: You're being ridiculous. Sheldon: Yeah, so are you. Penny: Guys, if I wanted to hear people be bitchy, I'd go to my real salon. Sheldon: Leonard, lots of people could've had that idea, but very few people could've worked out the math the way I did. Leonard: Lots of people also didn't have that idea, like everyone in the entire world except for me. Sheldon: Oh, well, apparently Leonard thinks he's better than everyone in the whole world, including those fighting for our freedom. Yeah, well, I don't know about you, but I support our boys overseas. Amy: And girls. Sheldon: Hey, you already ruined Thor; give it a rest. Leonard: So I'm just supposed to be okay with you hogging all the credit? Sheldon: I didn't hog anything. Unlike you and that weird lasagna with raisins in it. Leonard: You want some of this? I'll give you some. Bernadette: Hey. Sheldon, Leonard, living room, right now! Sheldon: She said my name first, that must kill you. Bernadette (O.C.): I don't know what you think you're doing, but this is a very difficult time for my husband. We're eating the last food his mother ever made, and you were gonna throw it at each other like children? Whatever it is you're fighting about, put it aside, go back in there and be a good friend to Howard or there's no dessert for either of you. Look at me when I'm talking to you. And don't think... Howard: You guys ever notice sometimes Bernadette sounds like my mom? Amy: I don't hear it. Raj: No, not at all. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mrs Wolowitz's living room ] [SCENE_BREAK] Penny: I don't think I've eaten that much in my entire life. Howard: It's why my people wandered the desert for 40 years. Took that long to walk it off. Sheldon: You see, Penny, the Israelites were in the desert... Penny: Shut up. Ra: So glad you two are done fighting. Leonard: Right now, I'm just trying to burp without throwing up. Sheldon: Hang on. Physics Today mentioned the paper. Stuart: What'd they say? Amy: Who cares? Did they mention Leonard? Sheldon: They did. All: Yay. Bernadette: Good news, I found more Tums. All: Yay.	Plan: A: Sheldon; Q: Who fails to comfort Leonard over the omission of his name in Scientific American? A: Leonard's name; Q: What did Scientific American omit from the paper Leonard and Sheldon wrote together? A: Penny; Q: Who tries to cheer up Leonard by buying online for him? A: Howard; Q: Whose mother recently passed away? A: Bernadette; Q: Who scolds Sheldon and Leonard for their bickering? A: Howard's mother's home; Q: Where did Howard, Bernadette and Raj go to remove some of his mother's belongings? A: Stuart; Q: Who tells Howard, Bernadette and Raj that the power is out at Howard's mother's house? A: A distraught; Q: How does Howard feel when he realizes the last food his mother ever cooked will defrost in the freezer and be ruined? A: his friends; Q: Who does Howard invite over to eat the last food his mother ever cooked? A: another room; Q: Where does Bernadette take Sheldon and Leonard after they argue? A: Bernadette's yelling; Q: What does Howard think sounds like his mother's voice? A: the others; Q: Who claims not to hear Bernadette's yelling? A: The group; Q: Who is excited when Bernadette finds more Tums? A: mild excitement; Q: What did the group express upon hearing that Leonard's name was mentioned in Physics Today? A: Physics Today; Q: What magazine mentions Leonard's name in connection with the paper? Summary: Scientific American praises the paper Leonard and Sheldon wrote together, but omits Leonard's name. Sheldon fails to comfort Leonard over the omission, while Penny tries to cheer up Leonard by buying online for him. Meanwhile, Howard, Bernadette and Raj arrive at Howard's mother's home to remove some of her belongings, only to be told by Stuart the power is out. A distraught Howard realizes the last food his mother ever cooked will defrost in the freezer and be ruined. He decides to invite his friends over to eat it all, so it will be like his mother is feeding everybody one last time. At the dinner, Sheldon and Leonard argue about whether an idea's inspiration or execution is more important. Bernadette takes Sheldon and Leonard to another room and scolds them for their bickering and being insensitive to Howard whose mother recently passed away. Howard remarks that Bernadette's yelling sounds similar to his mother's, though the others claim to not hear it. Finally, everyone is over-stuffed from eating and lazing around the house. The group expresses mild excitement upon hearing that Physics Today has mentioned Leonard's name in connection with the paper, but are much more enthusiastic when Bernadette finds more Tums.
Frankie: I hate my dress. Lina: Well, you should have thought of that Lina: before you picked it out. Ella: Frankie, I'm gonna be late! Lina: Honey, if you would have helped with your sisters, you wouldn't have been so late. Frankie: I don't like my dress. Ella: Wednesday's the only day Ella: I can't be late. Lina: I'm sorry, Ella. Don't be such a spaz. And you need to find your glasses. Ella: Come on, let's go! Maya: I know where they are. Frankie: I don't like my dress. Lina: Well, then, find them and put them on your face. Ella, just go ahead. You don't have to wait for us. Maya: They look stupid on me! Lina: You're gonna look stupider when someone hits you in the face with a ball in gym class 'cause you can't see to catch it! Lina: Really? Russ: Come on. This is good for us. Lina: No. Russ: Intimacy. Lina: It's not relaxing. It's too small, and I get cold. (Dog whimpering) Russ: There's plenty of space. (Whimpering continues) Out. Russ: Go! Lina: You have to take him out. Russ: Come on. Come on. (Whining) (Russ groans) I put him outside. Lina: Did you shut the gate? Russ: We have a gate? S01E02 (Dog whimpering) Lina: Come on! (Whimpering continues) Well, he's not using the leg at all, and I'm really worried about it. Receptionist: I'm sorry. What was the exact cause of the injury? Lina: He fell down the back steps. Russ: Yeah. Lina: My husband left the gate open. Russ: My wife made me take the dog outside. Lina: I didn't want the dog to see my husband's boner. Russ: We were showering. Lina: was showering. Russ: We were both... Lina:I... Was showering. Russ: It's a very small shower. Receptionist: Okay. I'll... Doctor will see you shortly. (Dog whimpering) Lina: $5,000. Russ: Maybe we need a vacation, just the two of us. Lina: Hello. We just got a $5,000 vet bill. Can't afford a vacation. Russ: I mean, how-how much do you think it would cost to... I don't know, like, put the dog down? Lina: The kids love that dog. I love that dog. Russ: No. I know. So do I. And what pisses me off the most is that I have a wife, and I have kids, and now I have this other thing that I have to take care of... and pay for. AJ: Dogs are tough. How much do you need? Russ: Five K. AJ: That's a lot of money. Russ: I know. I know. Work has kind of been slow. AJ: I get it. You got a lot of vaginas to feed, huh? Maybe you could do something for me. Roxanne and Jerry are having a party. They're moving in together. I told you that, right? Russ: Oh, sh1t. No. Sorry. AJ: It's cool. I'm cool. He's a great guy. He's teaching me how to mountain-bike. Russ: Don't you already know how to mountain-bike? AJ: Yeah, but not like this guy. Russ: You sure you're okay? AJ: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm going to their housewarming party tomorrow. Russ: Are you serious? AJ: Yeah. Yeah, my therapist thinks it's a good idea. You know, closure. Russ: You're really gonna go? Sure. It'll be fun, you know? It would be nice to have some support there. Russ: Yeah, absolutely. I will be there. Lina: Wait. I don't understand. Is he lending us the money or not? Russ: I think so. Lina: You think so? Russ: I mean, I'm-I'm pretty sure. That's why we're going to the party. Lina: Do you think we can get it up front? Russ: Mm, I don't think so. Hello. Lina: Oh. Maya: This is what she's wearing. Ella: We think you should change. Maya: Maybe put on a dress. Lina: I don't like this dress. Russ: Why? I think it looks great. Lina: It's just itchy and weird. It's, like, from the '80s. Russ: Stop. Lina: Come on. Where is she? Ella?! Are you sure you're gonna be able to do this? 'Cause I'm not gonna pick you up in the middle of the night from another sleepover. Ella: Mom! Russ: Mom! Lina: Mom! (Horn honking) Lina: Five bucks says she doesn't make it till midnight. Russ: Yes, she will. Valet: You here for the engagement party? Russ: Uh, Roxanne and Jerry? Valet: Yep. Lina: I can't believe we got suckered into going to AJ's ex-wife's engagement party. (Phone chimes) Russ: I know. Lina: With AJ. Russ: And he's running late. (Lina scoffs) Russ: Should we bail? Lina: Kind of want to. Russ: Right? Lina: We have a bottle of wine. Let's go to the park and drink it. Russ: Let's go. Yeah, let's go. Roxanne: Russ? Russ (Sighs): Lina. Roxanne: Russ? Lina and Russ: Hi! Lina: That ring is insane. Are you kidding me? Roxanne: Ah, thanks. I know. It... you know what? This is... quick. It's fast. I never planned to get married again. You know that. He... This is his second marriage, too. Jerry: Yeah, I never thought I'd be getting married again. Roxanne: No, and... Jerry: All of a sudden, we have caterers and florists and dressmakers. Roxanne: Yeah, we're planning a wedding, yeah. I mean, this is... Jerry: We're doing it. (Doorbell rings) Excuse us. That's the door. Uh, grab a drink. Lina: Okay. Russ: Sure. Thank you. Thank you. Lina: Oh, my God, I hope my next husband is this rich. Well, you are free to marry him as soon as my second wife graduates high school. Lina: Deal. Jess: Oh, thank God. Someone I can talk to. Lina: Wow. Russ: Look at you. Jess: Yeah. I was in a slut mood. Oh, I'm sorry. There are other moods? Jess: Can you ask your husband to please be nice to me? Lina: Uh, where is your husband? Oh, my grandfather husband is a million years old, and so he's asleep, and I'm here. Can I talk to you for a minute? It's very important. Russ: Be right back. Jess: So, there's this guy at work. Russ: Uh-huh. Jess: And things have been getting a little bit out of control. Russ: Oh, I thought you had a thing about work. Jess: I do. I do. Russ: A rule. Jess: We haven't done anything. There is a rule. I do have a thing about work. (Sniffing) He made me finger myself. Russ: He made you? At gunpoint? Jess: He made me finger myself. Like, if he gives me the challenge, I'm not gonna not do it. Russ: No. Why would you? Lina: So, how do you guys...? How do you know...? Um... is it Jerry? Jess: We didn't touch each other. We were in separate cubicles. Russ: Uh-huh. Jess: I'm not an idiot. Russ: Right. Jess: He just, uh... (Sniffles, scoffs) He made me finger myself. That's what happened. He made me finger myself. Lina: And if we don't get the surgery, they might as well just cut the leg off. And we only got him... Russ: Hey. Hey, come with me. Lina: What? Where's AJ? Russ: I don't know. That's not important right now. Lina: Is he coming? Russ: I-I don't know. It's not important. Lina: The whole point... Russ: Just come with me. Lina: I'll be right back. Please, I got to show you something. Lina: Her brother is a vet. Russ: Four showerheads. Lina: Look at that. Russ: Four showerheads. Lina: Wow. Russ: Four. Lina: Yeah. Russ: You always say, like, "I don't want to take a shower with you because somebody always gets cold." Lina: Because I always get cold... me. Russ: Yes! Now we don't have to. Lina: Yeah. Russ: We can just enjoy it. Lina: W... now? Russ: No one is getting cold. Because there are four. Honey, we're not showering right now. Russ: We are showering right now. Lina: No, no, no, no. No. Russ: Yes. Nobody's gonna get cold. Lina: We're at a party. Russ: I know. Lina: We're not taking a shower. Russ: There are four showerheads here. Lina: What is your obsession with showers right now? Come on. Just take your clothes off. Lina: No, I'm not showering at this party. Russ: Why not? Let's just spice it up. We used to do sh1t like this. Lina: You're so cute right now. I'm not showering with you. Russ: Oh, it's AJ. Hello? Lina: Good. Russ: We're hanging out. It's very mellow. Everybody's... we're just hanging out. Lina: Just tell him to come in. Russ: I know. That's what I'm telling him. Really? (Lina groans) Um, yes, I can. Okay. I'll be right out. [SCENE_BREAK] (Crickets chirping) Hey. (AJ Sighs) I've been parked out here for almost an hour. I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. You know? Russ: You think you're done crying? AJ: Huh. My therapist is such a piece of sh1t. Closure. What kind of bullshit is that? I should put a bullet in his head. That'd be closure, huh? Russ: What do you want to do? AJ: Get in the car. Please. Russ: Where are we going? AJ: Home. Russ: Your apartment? AJ: Mm-mm. No, home-home. My apartment's not a home. It's a coffin. (Starts engine) Jess: Hi. Lina: Excuse me. Hi. Thank you. I can't believe I wasted a sitter on this. Jess: It's still early. Let's just go out. Lina: Hmm, I have to get up early. Jess: Honestly, you really look too good to go home. Don't waste it. I'll make it worth your while. Lina: Really? Russ: You guys still haven't sold this place? AJ: We've gotten a couple offers, but nowhere near what it's worth. We were happy in this house. Russ: No, you weren't. AJ: Well, we could've been. Roxanne wants to sell. She doesn't mind taking the loss. I'm not taking any more losses. Russ: Dude, you-you got to move on. Roxanne is engaged. AJ: Thanks, dad. You know, when I said that I didn't want to be alone tonight, that meant that I needed a friend, not a dad, dad. Russ: From now on, I am all friend. AJ: Thank you. (Doorbell rings) Mmm, the girls are here. Russ: What girls? AJ: The companionship I ordered. Russ: Oh, Jesus. AJ: Lighten up, dad. Woman: Hi! AJ: The party has arrived. Hi. Welcome to my ex-home. Try not to slip on my tears. (Chuckles) Come in. This is my friend, Russ. He's even crazier than I am. Russ: Uh, no. I am not crazy. But I do... I do have issues. I do, yeah. No, I'm, I am very complicated. (Laughter, phone rings) AJ: Oh. I'm getting a call. It's my therapist. Ex-therapist. Hey, asshole. How am I? Well, why don't you ask the crack whores I just ordered? We're done. You broke my heart, Dr. Closure. (Phone beeps) Okay, who wants a tour? This is the guest room. This is where my mother-in-law stayed for six months after her hysterectomy. (Sniffs) Smell that? But did I complain? Russ: (Softly): Every day. AJ: Not as much as I could have. Woman 2: I get it. My mother-in-law is a straight-up bitch. AJ: That's a friend, right? Thank you very much. And this was my daughter's room. She loved this room. (Grunts) Hates my condo, but who can blame her, right? Russ: All right, should we keep it moving here? Woman 2: Yeah, mm-hmm. Russ: See some, uh... AJ: Oh, God, this is fun. Let's get this party started. Jess: We just flirt. It's whatever. He knows it's not going anywhere. He knows I'm a married lady. He knows I've had a baby, and it's just one of those work things that you need to help stay alive. Lina: I miss work crushes. Jess: Mmm, Russ told me that you're thinking about going back to work. (Lina groaning) (Jess chuckles) I don't know where to start with that. My last resumee was on a floppy disk. Jess: Oh, my God, he's here. Lina: Who? Dewey, my work crush. You brought me here to meet him? Jess: You're really gonna like him. He has a lot to offer. (Lina groans) Oh, he brought a friend. Lina: They're babies. Jess: Mm-hmm, they are. And lucky for him, 'cause I'm still lactating. Dewey: Hey, hottie. Jess: Hey. (Lina groans) Man: Hey. Lina: Hi. Man: So, how do you ladies know each other? Lina: She's really good friends with my husband. What? Hold on! Did you just say I'm really good friends with your husband? We're not friends, bitch? Lina: Yes, we are, but you asked how we knew each other. How we know each other is that you're friends with... Jess: Don't strain yourself. Jesus. Sorry you're slumming it with your husband's friend. Maybe you should get your own friends. Lina: No, I... Jess: Can I get some shots, please? AJ: This was supposed to be a fitness center. A place we could come every day, work out together, connect, be intimate, you know. We never worked out. Russ: All right, I don't know about you guys, but, uh, I kind of feel like a-a cleansing row. AJ: What? Russ: A row. Come on. AJ: I like what you're saying, yeah. Russ: Why not? You girls want to get in shape, huh? Russ: Let's utilize some of this dusty equipment. AJ: Right on, huh? Woman 2: Row harder! Russ: I can't. Woman: Okay, now slower. Woman 2: Come on, get into it. Russ: I know. AJ: Hey, hey, don't-don't do that. That's not necessary. Just... be real. Okay? (Laughter) Jess: All right, cheers. (Whooping) Thank you. Man: Cheers. Dewey: Yeah. Lina: He makes the best shots. How hard is it to make another one? Jess: Let's do it! You! Pour! (AJ exhales) Woman: Yeah. Come on. Ooh. AJ: Right? (Women laughing) Uh, uh... yes! Jump! Jump! Jump! Oh... my... God. Woman: Don't you want to join us? Russ: I am joining you in spirit. Woman: Come on! Jess: You're like a little baby. Are you sipping that? Oh, what a puss. Put some underpants over your face. You're a vg1n! Lina: Yay! (Laughter) AJ: Oh, I'm feeling that in my arms. It's bad habits, but I can do it if I'm instructed. Bend over lower. You're not squatting. (Grunting) Let the tension out. What is wrong with you? Like, really go for it. Russ: I am, okay? AJ: Don't be timid in here. Woman 2: Come on, come on, let's make this work. Woman: Don't be a girl. We are getting in shape! Man: I seriously don't believe you. Lina: Yeah, believe it. Man: Really? Three kids? Lina: Yes. Three. Man: No way. Lina: Way. (Man chuckles) Man: Are they cool? Lina: Not really. (Russ groaning) Woman 2: Listen to me now! AJ: I'll do whatever you want, just... Woman 2: You'll do what I say. Jess: You need to dance. Lina: I'm not dancing. Jess: Yeah, I want to see that booty shake all around. Lina: I'm not dancing. Jess: Now's the time. AJ: Oh, yeah. That is fantastic. If I died right now... It would be sad. It would, it would suck. No way I would want to go. Confuse a lot of people. Sorry, I got to remember to move and not just watch you. (Squealing) (Yelling) (Screaming) (Laughter) AJ: So, are you guys bisexual or what? Russ: Uh, guys, the man asked you a question. (Laughter) Jess: Whoa. Yeah, you're the champion. You're the champion. You did it. Lina: Are you hungry? Jess: Yeah. Lina: Do you have any money? Jess: No. But I can get it. Jess: Oh, sh1t. I forget my pin number. It's my kid's birthday, which is... which is named Harrison. (Laughter) What is his birth... Don't judge. Lina: Oh, my God. Tonight was really fun. Jess: Tonight is so much fun. Don't die on me now, Lina. Let's go! Let's get your ass back in the bar. Lina: Jess! Jess: What? Lina: I want to get another taco. Jess: This is a taco. Lina: Oh, my God. (Laughs) AJ: Which one do you want? Russ: Which one do you want? AJ: Both. Russ (Chuckles): Good choice. Good... (Phone chirps) Oh, sh1t. AJ: Everything okay? Russ: Ella's bailing on another sleepover. AJ: Oh. I used to love sleepovers. I'd pretend that I had normal parents and a nice house. Instead of that sh1t hole. Russ: Hey, I got to go. Can I borrow your car? AJ: Yeah. (Keys jingle) Oh, and, uh... for the dog. Russ: Thank you, man. AJ: Thank you. Russ: Have fun tonight. AJ: I will try. Russ: Good-bye. Good times. Woman: Bye. (Doors closes) AJ: Ladies, it's pyjama time. (Sighs) Ella: I'm sorry I keep making you do this. I just get really scared. Russ: I know. It's okay. Ella: Everything gets easier when you're a grown-up, right? (Clicking) Russ: Yeah. Uh-huh. (Engine starts) Ella: Love you, daddy. Russ: Love you, too. Ella: Thanks. Russ: Sleep good. Lina: It's this one. (Keys jingling) (Sniffling) Baby? (Russ groans) I need help with my dress. Russ: No. No. (Lina muttering) Ow! Ow. Lina: I can't get my dress undone. Russ: Wow. You look like you had a good time. (Lina laughs) Lina: Oh, my God, I had the best time. I love Jess. Oh. (Russ groans) Russ: Look what I got. Lina: Is it water? Oh. Oh. AJ rocks. Russ: Hmm, sometimes. Lina: He's a good one. Russ: Mm-hmm. Lina (Gasps): I forgot to tell you something. I forgot to tell you that, um, Jess is gonna help me with my resumee. Russ: Really? Lina: Yeah. Russ: That's great. Lina: No one's gonna hire me, but, oh, I'm gonna have such an awesome resumee. (Sighs) Russ: Do you remember when we stayed with your friend on Catalina before we had kids? Lina: Yeah. Russ: And we got back from the beach, and we went in that outdoor shower. And we stayed in there for, like, an hour. (Lina chuckles) We didn't care what... anybody heard or how loud we were. We just... Stayed in there forever. We just... showered. Lina: Oh, baby. We need a vacation. Russ: Please, can it be somewhere with an outdoor shower? Lina: It's gonna be a villa. Russ: Oh. Well, see you in the villa. Lina: See you at the villa.	Plan: A: Russ; Q: Who wants to have shower sex at home? A: Lina; Q: Who refuses to have shower sex at home? A: enough room; Q: What does Lina think is lacking in the shower at home? A: the bathroom; Q: Where is Russ at a party? A: a massive four-head shower; Q: What does Russ discover at a party? A: four; Q: How many heads does the shower have at the party that Russ and Lina attend? A: the shower; Q: What does Russ try to convince Lina to jump in? A: A.J.; Q: Who does Russ end up at a wild party with? A: Jess; Q: Who does Lina go to a bar with? A: younger men; Q: What does Lina dance with at a bar? Summary: Russ wants to have shower sex at home, but Lina staunchly refuses because there isn't enough room to prevent them from getting cold. At a party that they later attend, Russ is using the bathroom and discovers a massive four-head shower. He then tries to convince Lina to jump in the shower right then and there. Frustrated, Russ ends up at a wild party with A.J., while Lina goes to a bar with Jess where they dance with younger men.
Thunderclap. ZBZ house - Casey & Ashleigh's room Casey screams. Ashleigh : Calm down, Jamie Lee, it's just me. Casey : I know. That nail polish is super scary. Ashleigh : Be serious. I have a crucial question to ask you. Do these need more rhinestones ? Casey : Ash, they're puffy paint perfection ! The pledges are gonna flip. Ashleigh : I know, right ? Why you're going through the trouble ? We didn't have a party when we were pledges. Casey : It's simple. Today's pledges are tomorrow's voters. Ashleigh : Wow, you said Obama was cute but this campaign event seems extreme. Casey : for Zeta Beta President, you dork. With Franny, and the rest of the house away at the Indiana game, it's the perfect opportunity for me to impress the girls. There are a ton of fun exercises in my Pledge Educator handbook. After tonight the girls will be bonded to each other, to Zeta Beta, and most of all, to me. Ashleigh : They must be so excited ! Casey : Oh, that's the best part. I told them to pack for a mystery location. I can't wait to surprise them ! ZBZ house - Living room Rebecca : We missed an away game to spend the night in the living room ? Casey : Girls, tonight is about sisterhood. It's about all of us talking the time to connect on a deeper level. By morning, we'll truly be sisters. Now, who's up for a trust fall ? Thunderclap. Rebecca sighs. Omega Chi House - Living room TV is on. Calvin : OK, so I finished mopping the floors, cleaned bathrooms. Anything else ? Evan : Yeah, uh, just one more thing. It's time to repaint the kitchen. Calvin : Uh... (chuckles) It's Friday night. Everyone else is out of town at the game. Evan : Oh, poor Pledge Owens. You know, I drew the short stick and got house duty too but you don't see me getting teary. Now, come on, if I'm here, then my Little Bro is here. Calvin : All right, where's the paint ? Evan : I'm screwing with you ! Come on, plant a cheek; Let's hang out for a bit. Calvin : Oh. Well, actually I... Evan : What ? You've got someplace you'd rather be ? Calvin : No, no, no. I, um...No, this is...great. Evan : Yeah. Thunderclap. Evan : Want to watch TV ? Calvin : Love TV. TV is on again. Evan : Damn. Look like we've got a mouse. Calvin : Well, that sucks. Evan : Well, you know what sucks is you pledges still don't know how to clean. Got you're easy. They smiles. Evan : Oh, check it out, "Alien". Calvin sends a text message to Heath. "Still at the house might be a while" KT House - Living room. Plain White T's : Friends don't let friends dial drunk. Heat receives Calvin's text message. A man : Spitter, a beer please. Thanks. You're the man. Rusty meets Cappie who is sitting on the stairs. Rusty : Hey, why the long face ? This party got your three favorite things : beer, girls, ans a several warning. Cappie : I'm in a funk, Spitter. Rusty : Come on. Look at all the hot mamas here. I'm currently off the market because I'm in a relationship. But if I didn't have a girlfriend, I'd be all over this. Cappie : Subtle. A girl : Cappie. Rusty : What about her ? Cappie : We call her Saran Wrap. Clingy. An other girl passes. Rusty : She's pretty. Cappie : Her perfume gives me hives. Girl 3 : Cappie. Rusty : Now what could be wrong with her ? Cappie : Sleep apnea. Rusty : You are in a funk. Cappie : Yeah, I just feel like I'm watching TV and all that's on is reruns, you know ? Maybe I just need a furlough from the females. I could spend some time indulging my other interests. Like beer. And "Days of our Lives". And mentoring today's youth. Speaking of which, tell me about this girlfriend of yours ? Rusty : Well... Her name is Jen K, and she has these soft, fluffy pink lips that I could kiss forever. Doorbell rings. Cappie : Hold that thought. Cappie opens the front door to meet a motor girl. Thunderclap. The girl : My Harley popped a flat down the road. Can I come in ? Cappie : Dear God, yes. Credits ZBZ House - Living room Thunder rumbles. Casey : Okay, everyone has a partner ? Jen K is with Rebecca. Jen K : Best Friday night ever, right ? Way better than reruns of "Ghost Whisperer". We've been pledge sisters for six weeks, but we've barely even spoken. Rebecca : It boggles the mind. Casey : this is about trusting that your sisters will always be there for you, that they will catch you when you fall. And trusting that they won't be skanky sluts who sleep with your boyfriend. So, when you're ready, fall back and feel the support of the Zeta Beta sisterhood ! Girls chuckling. Rebecca doesn't care of Jen K. Rebecca : Ooh ! Ouija board ! Jen K falls back. Casey : Oh, my God, are you okay ? Jen K groans. Jen K : Brain pain. Rebecca : Who wants to go first ? All : Oh, I do. Casey : We'll have time later once we get through my agenda of activities. Rebecca : Casey, this corporate retreat ha been a non-stop funfest. But what better way to learn about Zeta Beta legacy than by talking to some old dead sisters ? All : Yeah. Rebecca : That is, unless you're scared. Casey : Rebecca, you should know that I'm not scared of things that are evil. Rebecca : Prove it. Casey : Fine. And then we can move on. Rebecca : Is anyone there ? Casey : looks like nobody's home. Rebecca : They must be at the football game. Rebecca glaps. Rebecca : Look ! A spirit moves among us. Casey : Please, Rebecca totally moved it. Rebecca : Spirit, tell us who you are ! All : V...I...R...G...I...N. Thunderclap. Casey : Virgin. I stand corrected. It's not Rebecca. Now, back to bonding. How about some pledge trivia ? Rebecca : or, we could tell ghost stories ! All : Yeah. Let's do that. KT House - Living room Cappie : Welcome to Kappa Tau. I'm Cappie, your humble servant. The girl : Cappie, huh ? Cute. Cappie : So I've been told. And, uh... And you are ? The girl : Destiny. Cappie sighs. Cappie : Exotic. Cosmic. Me likey. These are other people. May I take your jacket ? Destiny : Fine. Cappie : Destiny, you are ... Destiny : Thirsty. Pour me a drink? Cappie : What would you like ? Destiny : Something with a bite to it. Cappie : I'll get you something you can sink your teeth into. Cappie leaves. Beaver : So should we call someone ? Destiny : Why ? Rusty : To fix your bike ? Destiny : Oh, right. I'll let the storm blow over. Beaver : Are you a student ? Destiny : You ask a lot of question. Do I need to have my lawyer present ? Kidding. You learn to ask that in prison. Kidding. Destiny leaves. Rusty : She's odd. Beaver : Yeah. Oddly hot. ZBZ House - In the hallway. Jen K is sitting on the stairs and Casey comes. Thunderclap. Cell phone ringing. Casey : Let me guess, it's from my brother. My, oh, my, isn't he captain Romance ? Jen K smiles. Casey : How's the head wound ? Jen K : I'm not showing any signs of a concussion, So I should be OK. Casey : Are you pre-med ? Jen K : No, just clumsy. Casey : I see. Jen K : So I guess this proves Rebecca Logan can't be trusted. Casey : That was proven long ago. Jen K : Via text message. Casey : Exactly. Wait a second. How did you know about that video ? Jen K : I sent it. Casey : What ? Jen K : Rebecca and I were in the same rush group. I had a front row seat that night for her little indiscretion. I thought you deserved to know. Casey : Wow. That video was painful to watch. Jen K : So I shouldn't have sent it ? Casey : No, no. I'm glad you did. In a weird way it helped me process and purge. I cant' believe you were the cell phone Scorsese. Jen K : Scorsese ? You think ? I felt the framing was a little off, especially towards the end. I'm sorry (chuckles). Sometimes I misinterpret snappy banter. Just know that I was only trying to help. No matter what, there's always one pledge who's on you side. Casey : Thanks, Jen K. Jen K : Oh, I didn't mean me. I was talking about Mandy. Casey : Funny. You're really funny. I can see why my brother's so into you. Thunderclap. ZBZ House - Living room. Rebecca : Legend has it, the ghost was the spirit of an old student who was the golden girl on campus. Class president, prom queen, all that crap. But, she'd suffered a horrible humiliation. I heard it was some sort of a s*x scandal. Anyway, she became the laughingstock of the entire school. And the humiliation mad her snap ! Girls gasp. Rebecca : She took a razor blade and slashed the throats of the most popular girls at school. Then she arranged the bodies in an elaborate fake slumber party. And that's how they found her, covered in blood, pretending she had friends. Door opens. Ashleigh : Dobler's is closed. Can you freaking believe it ? Casey : Perhaps because of the tornado watch. Ashleigh : So ? It's karaoke Friday ! Their loss. I was gonna do my reggae version of "Lady Marmelade". Casey : Ash ! Rebecca is totally hijacking my slumber party. She's in there telling ghost stories. Help me get control back. Ashleigh : No problem. Let me handle this. Everyone listen up ! Dis you know that a ZBZ died in this house ? Casey : Ash ! Thunderclap. Ashleigh : Her name was Virginia. Rebecca : I bet that was the Ouija board was spelling ! All : Yeah. Light is off. All gasping. Rebecca : See ? Told ya. Omega Chi House - Living room Generator fizzles. Both : No ! Evan : Oh, man ! Just was just about to blow it out the airlock ! Calvin : Thanks ! Evan : What ? Calvin : Now I know how it ends. Evan : I'm sorry. Calvin : Gotcha ! Evan : Oh, ho, ho ! Calvin : Who's easy now ? Evan : I've seen that movie like 87 times. Calvin : Cell phones are out too. Evan : What can two guys do alone in the dark ? Calvin : Uh...Uh, how about we catch that mouse ? Evan : Great idea ! Calvin : Yeah. KT House - Living room. Destiny : Did you arrange this lighting ? Cappie : Well, I do look best in candlelight. Destiny chuckles. Destiny : And how do I look ? Cappie : You look...familiar. Destiny : Let me guess, you've seen me in your dreams ? Come on Cappie, is that the best you've got ? Cappie : I love your smile. I just want to put it in my pocket. Destiny : I love your eyes. I want to gouge them out and wear them on a chain around my neck. Thunderclap. Cappie : You're a little bit twisted. Refreshing. Rusty comes. Rusty : cap, can I borrow a candle ? I'm gonna look for some flashlights. Rusty leave to find a radio-light. Whirring. Woman : Will be in effect...(Static) High winds have knocked out power lines throughout the area. Everyone is advised to stay inside. Whirring. Rusty finds a note in Destiny bad. "Kappa Tau Gamma - 129 Chancellor St. - Cyprus, Ohio" Rusty : She came here on purpose. ZBZ House - Living room. Girls murmuring. Casey : Hold the hysteria, everyone. It's just the storm. Rebecca : Or is it Virginia ? Casey : There is no Virginia. Right, Ash ? Ashleigh : Then, why did they make this ? Casey : What is that doing here ? Ashleigh : Franny hung it there. She said it was too depressing for daily viewing. Jen K : I wonder how she died. Rebecca : She was probably murdered. By a serial killer. Who ate her ! Thunderclap. All gasp. Casey : Please. I'm sure she died of something boring like cancer. And, Ash, we don't know she died in the house. Ashleigh : If only we could Google her. Casey : Ah, but we can't. Moving on. How about we all gather around for a sharing circle ? Rebecca : We could use this. Ashleigh : Oh, right ! Books ! Duh ! KT House - Living room. A man : Where's the lights Spitter ? Man 2 : Yeah, man. Wade : Spitter ! Cut it out. Rusty : Sorry. Wade, have you seen Cappie. Wade : No. Rusty : That girl Cappie's with has been lying to us. She said she came across this house by accident, but I found our address in her purse. What should we do ? Man 2 : Spitter, come on. Rusty : Wade ? You there ? Omega Chi House Evan : Ok, "Alien" versus "Aliens". Discuss. Calvin : What's there to discuss ? "Alien". Sigourney Weaver, uh, Ridley Scott, it's in an different league. Evan : Yeah. I don't know though. I don't know. I mean, "Aliens" had James Cameron. And Paul Reiser. Calvin : Paul Reiser ? You call that an argument ? Evan chuckling. Calvin : No "Alien" is a classic. Like "Jaws". Evan : Uh, please, don't... don't bring up "Jaws". My sister died in a shark attack. Calvin : Yeah, right. Evan : No, it's true. It was two summers ago. We were taking surfing lessons in Hawaii. She'd just caught her first wave. I'll never forget the smile on her face. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere a fin appeared. Calvin : Oh my God. Evan : Yeah. We screamed for her to paddle but it was too late. The shark attacked. Thunderclap. Evan : She screamed... 'I can't believe you're buying this, Calvin !" Calvin : Oh, you jackass ! Evan : No, no, I don't even have a sister, only brothers. And a addiction to horror movies. Calvin : Oh, same here. Evan : Really ? Calvin : Yeah, yeah. When I was a kid my parents would only let me watch PBS. Late a night, I would sneak downstairs and stay up all night watching horror movies. Evan : Watching two inches away and you keep the volume low. Calvin : Which made it even scarier. Evan : I know ! Plus, in those 1980s slasher movies, there's always a hot girl flashing her boobs. Calvin : Yeah. Evan : Yeah. Do you hear that ? Calvin : Evan. Evan : What ? Calvin : It's right behind you. Calvin laughing. Calvin : Oh, Evan. Evan : Yeah, you'll pay for that, Owens. Calvin : That's for you dead sister. Both scream. Evan : What ? Squeaking. Evan : I think I'll need a bigger spatula. Calvin : Yeah. KT House Rusty : Cappie ? Rusty screams and pants. Destiny : Manly scream you got there. Rusty : Yeah, well, you surprised me. Have you seen Cappie ? Destiny : I'm not his mother. Is the bathroom this way ? Rusty : Yeah. Destiny, wait ! Why are you here ? Destiny : Someone needs to work on their listening. I told you, my bike broke down. Rusty : How do you explain this ? Destiny : Where did you get that ? Rusty : Never mind that. I'm on to you. Wade : Relax. Rusty : Hey, Wade... Muffled yelling. Wade : Nice one, Spitter ! Rusty : Who are you ? Sydney Bristow ? Destiny : OK, listen, I came here to see Cappie. Rusty : You know him ? Destiny : We went to Camp Kitchi-Wa-Wa together ten years ago. Rusty : Why didn't you just say so ? Destiny sights. Destiny : Because...God, this is so embarrassing. Look... My real name isn't Destiny. It's Patty. Back in Camp, I was the fat girl. A total outcast. Cappie was the only thing that made it worthwhile. I had such a crush on him. But he was part of the cool crowd. So I promised myself that one day I'd make him notice me. Rusty : You chose tonight ? Destiny : I drove up from West Virginia. Just my luck, there's a freakin' hurricane outside. Rusty : Let's get Cappie and tell him. Destiny : No ! No, this is our little secret. If you tell Cappie it'll ruin our moment. Rusty : He deserves to know who you really are. Destiny : This is who I really am ! Are you the sale person you were back then ? Rusty : No, I'm not. Destiny : See ? I swear I'll tell him eventually. Cool ? Rusty : Fine ! Could you please release your kung fu grip ? Destiny : This is me being gentle. If I wanted to, I could snap it like a twig. I'm real glad we had this chat. ZBZ House - Living room Ashleigh : I found her. Oh my God, she's wearing the Rachel. Hello, hair cliché ! Jen K : It says here that she was Pledge Educator, just like you, Casey. Rebecca : Really ? I wonder if she planned a slumber party. Jen K : In fact, she ran for President. But according to these minutes, she lost by one vote to Trudy Henderson. Oh, my gosh ! Casey : What ? Jen K : The election was the day she died. Rebecca : You guys, I found out how Virginia croaked. She hung herself from the chandelier. All : O, my gosh. Gross. Jen K : She must have been really depressed about losing. Casey : How sad ? Rebecca : Sad ? It's pathetic. Who makes that big of a deal about a stupid sorority election ? Thunderclap. The chandelier falls down. All screaming. KT House Plain White T's : Making a Memory Cappie : You're hypnotizing me with those hips, aren't you ? Destiny : Go ahead. Try and pinch an inch. You can't, can you ? Cappie : You're perfect. Destiny : I'm perfect for you. Cappie : I couldn't agree more. Rusty comes. Rusty : Cappie, you've got to come quick ! Cappie : What is it, Lassie ? Is the barn burning down ? Destiny : Yeah. Can't you see we're kind of busy ? Rusty : It's Beaver. He's drunk. And he's peeing in your closet. Cappie sighs. Cappie : Not again. All right. Stay here, I'll be right back. KT House - Cappie's room Cappie : Well, they're urine-free. You must have given him stage fright. Rusty : Cap, we don't have much time. Cappie : That's why we should live in the moment. Rusty : No, I mean until Destiny finds us. She's not who you think she is. Cappie : She's not a hot girl ? Rusty : No, she is. Cappie : The she's exactly who I think she is. Rusty : But you know her. She went to camp with you. Cappie : What ? Rusty : Listen, I might die for telling you this, but her name isn't Destiny. It's Patty. Cappie : Patty ? From camp ? The only Patty there was Patty the Fatty. Oh, my God, she's Patty the Fatty ! What are the odds that she'd get a flat tire outside of our house ? Oh, my God, she came to see me. Rusty : Yeah. She's always had a crush on you. She spent the past ten years getting in shape. So you two could have a second chance. Cappie : That is really... Rusty : Insane. Cappie : Hot ! Rusty : What ? Cappie : A fat girl turn into a hot chick for me. It's like... It's like a Reese Witherspoon movie ! She went through all that trouble to get into shape, the least I can do is reward her effort, right ? Rusty : But she sounds crazy. Rusty : Crazy like a fox. A super fox in leather, to be specific. I'm flattered. You need to relax. Rusty : Listen. No... Cap. I think she's dangerous. She's really strong ans she got these crazy eyes. She tried to... Cappie : Wow. You're really mowing that grassy knoll, huh ? I think I can handle her, Spitter. ZBZ House - In the hallway Casey : Breathe, girls. In through the nose, out through the mouth. This is all because of the storm. Ashleigh : The storm entered and knocked down the chandelier ? Casey : No, the chandelier is older than Madonna. We've been trying to get an electrician in here to secure it. The wind made the house vibrate, which was enough to make it fall. Rebecca : But Casey, I saw the electrician in here last week. Casey : that's not possible. Rebecca : This has got to be Virginia. She is one pissed poltergeist ! Thunderclap. Casey : you're freaking the girls out. Rebecca : Good, it's working. Casey : What is your problem ? Rebecca : These girls might buy your slumber party bonding crap, but I see right through it. You just want their votes. Casey : That's not true. Rebecca : It's good politics. I'm actually impressed. Casey : Why are you sabotaging it ? Rebecca : Well, first there's the whole arch nemesis thing. But also, I feel my pledge sisters deserve to see how their future leader reacts in a crisis. Ashleigh : Wait, everyone, shut up ! I know how to fix this. We need to have a séance ! Rebecca : Great Idea ! Omega Chi House Creaking. Evan : You see anything ? Calvin : No yet. He's too fat to have gone far. Evan, three o'clock. Squeaking. Evan : All right, begin Operation Rodent Round-up. Calvin : Dinnertime, Mr. Rat. Evan : On three. Calvin : OK. Evan : OK. Ready ? Calvin : Ready. Evan : One... Two... Squeaking. Thunderclap. Evan : What the hell was that ? Calvin : I don't know. KT House Heath : Hey, Rusty. What you watching ? Rusty : A freaky, delusional romance that could have deadly consequences. Heath : Uh - huh. So do you know how to work this thingy ? I was kind of wondering when cell service is gonna be back. [SCENE_BREAK] Whirring. Heath : Cool. It's like magic. Rusty : Actually, it's a simple crank generator that turns friction into electricity. Heath : Or magic ! Man on radio : This is just : Stonybrook Mental Institution reports that one of their patients has escaped. She's described as a Caucasian woman, five-foot-eight...(Static) Whirring. Man on radio : ...years old. Listeners are warmed to avoid contact since she is considered unstable and extremely dangerous. Heath : Scary. Rusty : you have no idea. ZBZ House Ashleigh : we're already. Casey : This is ridiculous, Ash. Ashleigh : Trust me. I had a Goth phase In middle school. This séance will work. Rebecca : Yeah, Casey. We gotta see this through. Virginia's trying to tell us something. Casey : Probably that there's no such thing as ghosts. Ashleigh : Shh ! OK, we all must be quiet and relaxed. Everyone close your eyes and hold hands. Rebecca : Eww ! Clammy. Ashleigh : Virginia Horton, the sisters of Zeta Beta Zeta invite you to commune with us Casey : Maybe she has her cell phone turned off. Rebecca gasps. Muttering gibberish. Rebecca : Ow ! Casey : Sorry, you were possessed. Rebecca : Her spirit passed through me. (Whispers) She is here. Casey : Ashleigh, could you ask the ghost what she wants so we can move on ? Ashleigh : Virginia, tell us what you want. Casey : I bet she wants us to get back to bonding. Wind gusting. Window opens. All screaming. Glass breaks. Girls murmuring. Casey : You guys, it's just the wind. Ashleigh : Um... I'm not so sure. Girls gasping. Omega Chi House Evan : What do you think that was back there ? Calvin : No idea. I'm just, uh, hoping it doesn't bleed acid. Evan : Don't worry, little bro, I'll protect you. Calvin : What do you think I need protecting ? Evan : Well... You seemed little scared, that's all. Calvin : Me ? No. I've faced some pretty vicious animals in my day. See that ? My little sister's bunny, Flopsie, took a chunk out of it. I needed four stitches and a tetanus shot. Evan : That's nothing. Petting zoo, 1998, got attacked by a rogue goat. Six stitches and they closed the zoo for a week. Calvin : Paper route, eight grade. Rabid poodle attack, 12 stitches ans I passed out. Evan : Poodle ? Try a polo horse. I fell of one four years ago, got a concussion ans a CAT scan. Calvin : Ah, head trauma, huh ? Explain a lot. Evan : What ? Calvin : Uh... (Stammers) Thump. Evan : It's on the move ! ZBZ House Rebecca : You guys, there's no such as ghosts. Right, Ashleigh ? Thunderclap. All gasping. Ashleigh : You can never be too safe. Rebecca : Casey, tell them they're being ridiculous. Casey : Well, you did call Virginia pathetic. Everyone heard you. Rebecca : But I was kidding. I was kidding ! It was just a joke ! Clatter. All gasping. Casey : Oops. Loose brick. Jen K : You guys... Look. Ashleigh : The ghost is writing us notes ! Rebecca : Virginia is such a pretty name ! Jen K : I don't think these are notes. I think these are votes. Casey : Then that can only mean one thing. Jen K : Someone fixed the election. The minutes said that Virginia by one vote. But if these were counted, she would have won. Casey : You guys... I know what we have to do ! Omega Chi House Banging. Both screaming. Evan : All clear ! Sweep the room. You know, we really make a good team. Calvin : Yeah, like, uh, Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. Karate Yell. Laughing. Evan : To think I thought, you know, we wouldn't get along. Calvin : Really ? Evan : You know, you're...You know. Calvin : Um, what ? Evan : You're pals with Rusty. Him and I aren't exactly "amigos". Calvin : Yeah I know, I was there for paddlegate. Evan : Oh, yeah. It's cool you can see beyond that, man. Calvin : Well, you know, I just try to stay out of others people's business, you know ? Evan : I do. And I respect that. You know how many people want in my business because I'm a Chambers ? Calvin : Yeah. It's... It's crazy how one little word can define you. Evan : Totally. Calvin : Uh... Evan, there's something I think you should know. Evan : What is it ? Calvin : Giant snake ! Above you ! Evan : Nice try (laughs). Both screams. Evan : Get it off ! Get it off ! Calvin : Get away from him, you bitch ! Evan : Get it off me ! Get it off me ! Calvin is screaming. Evan : Counter-clockwise ! Counter-clock... KT House Rusty : Cappie ? I really need to talk to you. Clattering. Rusty : Cappie ? Water leaking. Beaver : Dude, give me a second. It's just number one. Rusty : The bathroom is that way, Beav'. Beaver : Why do they keep moving it ? (sighs) Beaver leaves. Rusty : What the hell ? Whoa ! (gasping) Destiny : Do you like my art project ? Rusty : I can see you're influenced by the deconstructionist movement. Destiny : Ah... Sit down. We're not done. I'm really good at arts and crafts. Rusty : I can see that. Destiny : This was what I did every day at camp, alone, while everybody else played kickball and rode horses. Rusty : Well, creativity is a much more transferable skill. Destiny : I'd imagine this was me and Cappie, holding hands for eternity. Rusty : I can see the resemblance. Destiny : Now, I kind of picture this as us and all our friends. Oh, look. This is you. Oopsy. Rusty : Listen, Patty. Destiny : Destiny ! Rusty : Destiny. I know what it's like to want to go back and revise history. I wasn't always this cool frat guy you see before you. But... you can't change the past. And you can't make someone love you. Destiny : Yes, I can ! Tonight is going to be perfect. You'll see. Because I have waited too long to let anything mess this up. Or anyone. Cappie : Camp Kitchi-Wa-Wa, it's really fun. Destiny : It's really fun, Cam Kitchi-Wa-Wa. Cappie : Our campers are the bravest ones. Destiny : We don't write letters to our mamas. You remember me ? Cappie : Of course. From the moment you walked in. How could I forget the way the water glistened off your Wonder Woman bathing suit ? Destiny : You didn't stand up for me ! You let them call me names ! Cappie : I know, and that was wrong. I was young and stupid. Destiny : Do you have any idea what it's like to love someone who has caused you so much pain ? They kiss. Rusty : Cappie, look out ! They kiss again. Destiny : That's it ? Cappie : Excuse me ? Destiny : I lost eighty pounds for that ? Cappie : I never had any complaints before. Let me just try a better angle. Destiny : Yeah, no, that's OK. Listen, it's been fun, but I really need a doughnut. Cappie : Stay in touche ! Destiny : Uh - huh. Yeah. ZBZ House Casey : Sisters of Zeta Beta Zeta, this election is called to order. Our President is the person who shapes the future of our sisterhood. It is a role that requires vision, tenacity and grace, so choose wisely. We have two candidates this evening : Virginia Horton and... What's that chick's name ? Jen K : Trudy Henderson. Casey : ... Trudy Henderson. Would anyone like to make a supporting statement for either candidate ? Rebecca : I'd just like to say that Virginia seems like the clears choice. She is by far the skinniest, prettiest, most worthy candidate. She's definitely not pathetic. In any way. Casey : Thank you, Pledge Logan. Let's get on with the voting. All in Favor of Virginia Horton, raise your hand. Well, it looks like... Ashleigh : Wait ! Hold on, I'm not done counting ! Casey : Ash, it looks unanimous. Virginia Horton wins. Congratulations, Virginia ! This election is adjourned. Ashleigh : Now what ? Casey : Now we can get on with our evening. Rebecca : Do you think it worked ? The light is back. Casey : Apparently so. Ashleigh : Let's hear it for Casey, everybody ! All : Yeah, Casey. Casey : Now, who's up for some ice cream ? Jen K : It looks like you owe Casey your life. Omega Chi House Calvin : The exterminator's gonna be here in two hours. Evan : Two hours ? OK, I think we can make it until then. Calvin : What do we tell the guys ? Evan : I say we never speak of this again. Everybody's got their secrets, right ? Calvin : Right. Keypad beeping. KT House Heath's cell phone ringing. Text message from Calvin "Hang tomorrow ? Miss you" Man on the radio : In other news, police have apprehended the escaped mental patient. Officials sat that luckily the 60-year-old woman had a bad hip and was unable to travel far. Cappie : Could I be a bad kisser ? It's like having a dangling booger, someone would tell me, right ? Rusty : Cap, you can't listen to what she said. She was crazy after all. Cappie : She wasn't crazy, she was in love. It's a fine line between the two. Rusty : She drove here from West Virginia to find you. Cappie : She went after what she wants. You have to admire that. Rusty : But what did it get her ? Cappie : Closure. Now she can move on. Door closes. Beaver : Guys... Look who I found outside. Cappie : Hey, Timmy ! All : Timmy ! Beaver : I'm so glad that I found you. Who's my buddy ? Who's my buddy ? ZBZ House Ashleigh : What's up with the redecorating ? Casey : Just putting Virginia back where she belongs. After tonight, she deserves to be up there. Ashleigh : Yeah, funny thing about tonight. What a coincidence that these votes were hidden in the fireplace. Jen K : I know, right ? Ashleigh : And what's more impressive is one of them's in Casey's handwriting. Crazy, huh ? Casey : Really ? (chuckles) What a coincidence. Winds gusts.	Plan: A: CRU's away game; Q: Where are most of the Greeks? A: just a handful; Q: How many students are on campus as a thunderstorm rolls in? A: camp; Q: Where did AnnaLynne McCord and Cappie meet? A: town; Q: What does a thunderstorm roll into? A: Casey; Q: Who has planned a slumber party for the pledges? A: Rebecca hijacks; Q: Who hijacks the slumber party? A: the agenda; Q: What does Rebecca hijack at the slumber party? A: ZBZ; Q: What do Rebecca and Casey claim is haunted by a ghost? A: Evan and Calvin hunt; Q: What do Evan and Calvin do to find a rat in the Omega Chi house? A: The KT's party; Q: What party continues despite the storm? A: AnnaLynne McCord; Q: Who is the biker chick that shows up to the KT's party? A: Cappie; Q: Who does AnnaLynne McCord want to get out of his girl-induced apathy? Summary: Most of the Greek's are at CRU's away game, leaving just a handful of students on campus as a thunderstorm rolls into town. Casey has planned a slumber party for the pledges, but Rebecca hijacks the agenda, purporting that ZBZ is haunted by the ghost of a sister who killed herself. Evan and Calvin hunt for a rat in the Omega Chi house. The KT's party continues despite the storm, when a mystery, biker chick ( AnnaLynne McCord ) shows up to pull Cappie out of his girl-induced apathy, only to discover she's known him since their days at camp and has been obsessed with him ever since.
Scene: A dance video game where the characters are imperial stormtroopers from Star Wars and Bobba Fett. Opens onto the apartment where Howard and Raj are dancing to the game. Raj: Try to keep up, Howard, I'm killing it. Howard: Yeah, I wish we looked as cool dancing in clubs as we do right now. Leonard: Don't worry, this is exactly how you look when you're dancing in clubs. Raj: You're welcome, ladies. Sheldon: Paradigm-shifting news, gentlemen. (Switches game off) Raj: Dude! I was about to Bollywood this bitch. Sheldon: Earlier today, I invited Professor Stephen Hawking to join me in the popular online game Words with Friends. Moments ago, he accepted my request. Do you understand what that means? Howard: That somewhere right now Stephen Hawking is saying, damn it, I meant to click no." Sheldon: I'll walk you through it. The game is not called Words with Strangers. No, it's not even called Words with Acquaintances. It is called Words with... Raj: I'm not finishing your sentence. You pulled the plug on my funk. Sheldon: Friends! It's Words with Friends! Which Stephen Hawking and I officially are. Now all I need is a bunk bed with a slide, I'll have everything I've ever wanted since I was six years old. Leonard: That's really nice, Sheldon, I'm happy for you. Sheldon: And I'm happy for you, too. You are now friends with someone who is officially friends with Stephen Hawking. Enjoy it, boys. You may have peaked. Howard: Sheldon, I know Stephen Hawking. I worked with him. Sheldon: And if they ever come out with a game called Words with People You Once Worked With, you'll be off to the races. Leonard: Sheldon, I don't think this actually means... Sheldon: Hold that thought! Professor Hawking has made a move. Boy, oh, boy. Oh, it's only a matter of time before we're coming up with fun nicknames for each other. I'll be Coop. He'll be Wheels. If he's okay with that. (Leaves) Raj (putting game back on and removing shirt): All right. Crank up the AC, boys, it's gonna get hot in here! Credits sequence. Scene: Penny's apartment. Bernadette: So, I was taking a shower this morning, and when I got out, I started to dry off with what I thought was a towel but turned out to be Howard's mom's underwear. I had to take another shower. It wasn't enough. Nothing will ever be enough. Amy: I once looked in Sheldon's underwear drawer. He yelled at me. But now I know what it looks like and he can never take that away. Bernadette: There's a book under here. Penny: Oh, I'll get that. Bernadette: I got it. Penny: No, no, it's... Bernadette: I got it. Why do you have a history textbook? Penny: No, it's not a big deal. Just taking a class at the Pasadena Community College. Bernadette: That's great. I didn't know you wanted to go back to school. Penny: It's just one history class. Look, I didn't finish college, so I thought I would give it a try. Amy: Not to mention, your acting career is going south like Sherman. Read about it in your book. Bernadette: Why would you be embarrassed to tell us? Penny: No, I'm not embarrassed. I just didn't want anyone to know because I haven't told Leonard yet. Amy: Why wouldn't you tell Leonard? Penny: Because it's me going back to school, and he's gonna be all "you can do it," and "how can I help?" and "I'm so proud of you." Ugh! Bernadette: I just can't believe you could keep something like that from him. Amy: You guys have got to be the weirdest couple I know. Penny: Really? You can't think of anyone weirder? Amy: I can, but she's sitting right there. Scene: Amy's laboratory. Sheldon: Yes. I play the word quiver with a triple letter and a double word score for 72 points. That ought to let the air out of your tyres, Hawking. Amy: Wow, my boyfriend is friends with Stephen Hawking and my new dandruff shampoo doesn't smell like tar. Everything really is coming up Amy. Sheldon: It is glorious. One of the greatest intellects of our time has agreed to engage with me in a gentlemanly battle of wits. And I'm spanking him so hard his grad students won't be able to sit down. Amy: You know, when one male dominates another, his testosterone level rises. Sheldon: What's your point? Amy: It's exciting to think you might be getting a testosterone level. Sheldon: Ooh, my friend Stephen just played the word act for 18 points. That's right, I call him Stephen now, because I checked, and he was not okay with Wheels. Amy: Oh, you could turn his act into extract (pronounced with emphasis on act), and it would be for double points. Sheldon: Amy. Why would you give me a word? Now, if I play extract it would be cheating. Amy: Sorry. Sheldon: Although, I could play the completely unrelated and better word extract (pronounced with emphasis on ex). Ethical conundrum avoided. Thanks, brain. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: Spaghetti okay? Leonard: It's crunchy. Just the way I like it. Penny: Yeah, I don't think the water was really boiling. Leonard: It's great. I love it. Penny: Okay, listen, there's something I need to tell you. I've been thinking about going back to school for a while now. So a couple months ago, I started taking a history class at the community college. Leonard: Oh. That's great. Great, great, great. Why wait so long to tell me? Penny: I don't want you to make a big deal out of it. Leonard: Why do you think I'd be like that? I get it, you're taking one class. It's nice. Maybe if it goes well, you take another, you enrol full-time. Ooh, be sure to keep an eye on which credits transfer to a four-year college. Penny: You're making it a big deal. Leonard: Sorry. Whatever. It's all good. Penny: Anyway, that's it. I just thought you should know. Leonard: Am I allowed to ask how the class is going? Penny: It's really good. We've been talking about the origins of slavery. Turn in my first paper tomorrow. Leonard: Great topic. I can help with that. There are lots of different perspectives you can take, economic, sociological, political. Penny: Hey hey hey, this is my paper. And my perspective is that slavery is bad. Oh, and my professor's black, so I'm pretty sure that's the right answer. Leonard: Can I take a look? Penny: No, Leonard, this is my thing. Leonard: Okay, I get it. Penny: Thank you. Leonard: It's like when I started doing chin-ups, I didn't want you to see until I could do one. FYI, really close. Penny: Thank you. Now behave yourself and eat your dinner. Maybe later, if you're lucky, you get to sleep with a college girl. Leonard: Really? 'Cause I went to four years of college and five years of grad school, that never happened once. Scene: The apartment. Raj: I think the next time I have to speak to a call centre in India, I'm going to try using an American accent. Howard: Why? Raj: Because when I use my regular voice, I feel like I'm making fun of them. Howard: That's ridiculous. Not to mention, your American accent is terrible. Raj: Dude, my accent is brilliant. (In American accent) Hey, my snow-white American friends, let's put some cow meat on the barbecue and eat it until we're all obese. Howard: This is what you sound like. I think I'm talking in an American accent, but it really sounds like I'm wearing a set of giant dentures. Raj: Sheldon, do I really sound like that? Howard: Tell him he sounds like that. Raj: Sheldon, you okay? Sheldon: It's been three days. Why hasn't Stephen Hawking played a word? Raj: The guy's a genius. Maybe you weren't challenging enough for him. Sheldon: Not challenging? I was humiliating the man. I was thinking of writing a book called A Brief History of the Time I Made Stephen Hawking Cry Like a Little Girl. Howard: There's the problem. You can't beat Hawking like that. He hates to lose. Everyone knows the guy's a big baby. I mean, forget the wheelchair, he should be in a stroller. Sheldon: Really? Howard: One time when I was working with him, he said that Johnny Depp was in The Matrix. I told him he was wrong, but he kept insisting. So I looked it up online and showed him. Well, the next day, he had a pizza party, and everyone got invited but me. And then he was all, your invitation must have gotten lost in the matrix. Sheldon: Good Lord, what have I done? Raj (in American accent): Good Lord, what have I done? Howard: Terrible. Raj: All right, hotshot, let's hear your Indian. Howard: I can't sit on that elephant, my ass is on fire from eating all this curry. Raj: Okay, yeah, that's pretty good. Scene: Penny's bedroom. Leonard sneaks from the bed and opens Penny's computer. Leonard: Please be good. Please be good. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. She writes like she cooks. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Leonard: What are you doing? Sheldon: Trying to use a Jedi mind trick to control Stephen Hawking. Play. Play. Ugh! He must be wearing a tinfoil hat or something. Leonard: I did a bad thing. Sheldon: Does it affect me? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Then suffer in silence. Play. Play. Play. (Knock knock knock) Stephen Hawking. (Knock knock knock) Stephen Hawking. (Knock knock knock) Stephen Hawking. Leonard: Penny started taking a class. She wrote a paper, she didn't want me to read it, I went behind her back and I read it anyway. Sheldon: Stephen Hawking hates me. Leonard: I don't know what to do. I mean, the paper's terrible. But if I tell her, she'll know that I read it and she'll get really mad. Sheldon: I was beating him so bad, he doesn't want to be friends anymore. Why does everyone love me except Stephen Hawking? Leonard: Is it possible we're having two different conversations? Sheldon: How would I know? I'm not listening to you. Leonard: Hang on. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Chess clock. We each get five minutes to talk about our problems. We'll take turns. Each turn will consist of a statement and a helpful response from the friend. Begin. Sheldon: I humiliated Stephen Hawking in a game of Words with Friends. He stopped playing, and now we're not friends anymore. Leonard: He's probably busy. You're worried about nothing. Give it a couple more days. I'm sure he'll play, and you'll see that everything's fine. My turn. I can't let Penny hand in a bad paper, but how do I tell her it's bad without letting her know that I read it? Sheldon: Hmm. Beats me. Now, I know Hawking's not busy because I can see he's playing other people right now. Leonard: Maybe since you're so good, he's taking his time to meet the challenge. I want Penny to enjoy school... Sheldon: Wolowitz told me he's a big baby. But I didn't know that, and I played extract for 82 points. It's all Amy's fault. She told me to play it. I have got to cut her loose. Leonard: Sheldon, I wasn't done talking. She hands in the paper tomorrow. I know I could help her. And she's my girlfriend. I, I should be allowed to help her. Why aren't I allowed to help her? Sheldon: Yeah, I hear you, brother. Leonard: No. You need to give me some advice. Sheldon: Fine. Women, huh? Leonard: No, specific to my situation. Sheldon: Blonde women, huh? Leonard: Empathetic. Sheldon: It sucks to be you. Leonard: I quit. Sheldon: Leonard, wait. No. I listened to your dumb thing. Leonard, come back. Leonard, come back. Leonard, come back. Leonard: What? Sheldon: Oh, of course, it only works on the weak-minded. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Penny's bedroom. Leonard: Good morning, sunshine. Penny: Leonard. It's eight a.m. It's like the middle of the night. Leonard: I know, but I have to go to work, and I made you breakfast. Penny: Oh, wow, that's so sweet. Hey, what's this? Leonard: Uh, before you open that, um, are you familiar with the story of The Shoemaker and the Elves? Penny: Elves? Come on, Leonard. It's too early for Lord of the Rings. Leonard: No, no. Listen, um, once upon a time, there was this shoemaker and when he went to bed at night, elves would sneak in and they would make all these amazing shoes for him. And when the shoemaker woke up in the morning, he, he would be super happy, not mad at the elves at all. Open it. Penny: Okay. An examination of the economic, cultural, and political roots of slavery in the Old South, 1619 to 1865. What the hell is this? Leonard: Don't ask me. A little elf did it. Penny: So let me get this straight. You just assumed my paper would be bad so you wrote one for me? Leonard: No, I assumed it would be good. Then I read it. Penny: What? Leonard: No, I, I mean, it was good. There were just a few things that needed a little polishing. Penny: You changed every word. Leonard: That's not true. Uh, slavery. 1619. Your name at the top. That's all you. Penny: You are such an ass. This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you I was taking a class in the first place. Leonard: Please don't be upset. I just, I didn't want you ending up with a bad grade and get discouraged and give up on the idea of going back to school. Penny: Right, because me being in school is so important to you. That way, you wouldn't have to be dating someone who's only a waitress. Leonard: Oh, come on, you know that's not true. Penny: Do I? Listen to me. I need to do this on my own. If I fail, I fail. If I pass, I pass. Do you get it? Leonard: I'm sorry. I was just trying to help. Penny: Yeah, well, next time don't. Oh, and since you like stories so much, this is not The Shoemaker and the Elves, okay? This is, Give a man a fish, he eats it. Teach a man to fish, he, sells it or something. Whatever, I don't know, it's just a lot better than what you did, you big jerk! Scene: The cafeteria. Howard: You ever hear back from Hawking? Sheldon: No. It would appear as if I've lost him. Stupid brain. Raj: It'll be okay. Sheldon: How can it be okay? Stephen Hawking's a genius and he talks like a robot. It's everything I've ever wanted in a friend. Raj: Yeah, but if he's a sore loser, maybe you're better off without him. Sheldon: You're right. I guess I just have to make lemonade out of the two of you. He played! He played! Coop and Rolling Thunder are together again. He was okay with that nickname. Howard: So, now all you have to do is let him win. Sheldon: Yeah, way ahead of you. I will play the word at for two measly points, throwing the game and thus securing my friendship with the smartest man in the world. Howard: What are you waiting for? Hit send. Sheldon: I can't. Losing on purpose is intellectually dishonest. Raj: So don't do it. Sheldon: Oh, but I want to be Hawking's friend. Howard: So do it. Sheldon: Oh, but if I do, I'll be a phony, a sellout, a Hollywood poser. Raj: Then don't do it. Sheldon: I won't. This feels right. My mother always said, to thine own self be true. Howard: Good for you. Sheldon: 'Course she also told me that every animal in the world got on one boat, so what does she know? And send. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Oh, hey. Haven't heard from you in a couple days. You still mad at me? Penny: Nope. I have no reason to... "B" mad at you. Minus. Leonard: Wow. Penny: That's right. On my paper. Not yours, mine, you punk-ass elf. Leonard: I don't know what to say. Penny: Hmm, how about, gee, Penny, you're smarter than I thought. You may be the one in school, but I'm the one who learned a lesson. I'm so stupid, Penny. Duh. Sheldon: She sounds exactly like you. Scene: Penny's apartment. Amy: How'd it go with Leonard? Penny: I don't think he'll be making that mistake again. Bernadette: Good. Penny: So, I know this goes without saying, but if either of you tell Leonard you helped me rewrite this paper, I will beat you both with a bag of oranges. Amy: Understood. Bernadette: Got it. Penny: Now, ladies, we got a B-minus on this paper. I think if we put our heads together, on the next one we could get an A. Bernadette: Uh, but we got you a B-minus on purpose to make it believable. Penny: Believable? You saying I'm not smart? Bernadette: No, no! Amy: You're smart. Penny: That's better. Amy: I feel like I'm in high school again. Bernadette: Yeah, doing the prom queen's homework so she'll like us. Amy: I know. It's finally working. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon's phone rings. Sheldon: It's Stephen Hawking. Leonard: Well answer it. I want to hear. Sheldon: Professor Hawking, how nice of you to call. Stephen Hawking: Hello. I really enjoyed our game, Dr. Cooper. Sheldon: Oh, me, too. Stephen Hawking: Or should I say Dr. Loser? Ha, ha, ha. Sheldon: Yes, congratulations. You won fair and square. Uh, very impressive, sir. Stephen Hawking: Do you like brain teasers? Sheldon: Oh, I love brain teasers. Stephen Hawking: What does Sheldon Cooper and a black hole have in common? They both suck. Neener neener.	Plan: A: Penny; Q: Who rejoins community college in a bid to clear history and finally graduate? A: community college; Q: What college does Penny rejoin in a bid to clear history and finally graduate? A: Leonard; Q: Who rewrites Penny's paper on slavery? A: the morning; Q: When does Leonard show Penny his rewritten paper? A: her own version; Q: What version of Penny's paper does she show Leonard? A: a B-; Q: What grade did Penny get for her paper on slavery? A: Sheldon; Q: Who is upset when Stephen Hawking stops playing Words with Friends? A: The next day; Q: When does Hawking resume playing with Sheldon? A: a black hole; Q: What does Hawking tell Sheldon he has in common with? Summary: Penny rejoins community college in a bid to clear history and finally graduate. She keeps this from Leonard, who would get very excited, but on Bernadette's and Amy's advice she tells him anyway. That night, Leonard reads Penny's homework paper on slavery. It is so bad that he rewrites it entirely, showing her in the morning, but she is angry and refuses to accept it, saying she will do all her college work unaided. Later, Penny shows Leonard her B- for her own version and mocks him for thinking her not smart enough. However, Bernadette and Amy had helped her rewrite the paper and purposely made it worth a B- to make it more "believable". Meanwhile, Sheldon starts playing Words with Friends online with Stephen Hawking, winning almost every game. Sheldon is distraught when Hawking stops playing, thinking he stopped after persistently losing. The next day Hawking resumes playing with Sheldon, who purposely loses to ensure Hawking keeps playing. That night, Hawking phones to mock him for losing. Hawking asks "What do Sheldon and a black hole have in common?" and tells him, "they both suck", which causes Leonard to burst out laughing.
Krakow, Poland Plane lands. Inside airport. A woman talking on her cell phone. She's in the metal detector line. Sinclair: (to phone) I know. I know. I know. I'm simply exhausted. The engineer's meeting went over by about 2 and a half hours. And of course, I missed my flight, but luckily I was able to rebook the same day. Oh, you know what? Francis called, and, um, they want to publish my paper. (laughs) I know. I know. (picks up her bags) Well, you know, we'll celebrate when I get home. You know what? I've got to go, sweetheart. Tell the girls I have a little something for them. Give them a kiss. All right, love you too. Bye. (ahhh, so sweet) She hangs up. She puts her bags on the conveyer belt and walks through the metal detector. It beeps. Guys in military uniform watch her. Guy 1: Excuse me. (to Sinclair) Place your luggage and shoes on the table please. Sinclair: Oh, me? (she does what she's told) Guy 2: And your shoes. Sinclair: Oh. (she smiles) They rifle through her things and pull out a . . .teddy bear. Sinclair: Oh, it's just for my daughter. Guy 1: I will need you to follow me. Sinclair (confused): I don't understand, It's just a bear. Guy 1: This way. (he walks away) Sinclair: Hang on. Can I have my shoes back, please? (she follows) Excuse me what is going on? (bunker) Am I not allowed to have a toy? Y'know, I'd like some answers out of the 2 of you. I'm an American citizen. Guy 1: Don't worry, Dr. Sinclair. Sinclair: Hang on a second. The other guy looked at my passport. You didn't. How did you know my name? Guy 1: Your luggage tag. Sinclair: Ugh. (barefoot she stepped in water) Oh, this is great. This is just great. Guy 2, I think, puts his arm around her throat and tranqs her. She gasps. Los Angeles Nighttime. Outside. On a walkway. Sydney and Vaughn are already there. Jack walks up. Sydney: (to Jack) Thanks for coming. Jack: On the phone, you sounded desperate. Vaughn: For the past month, I've been investigating leads which- Jack: Suggest that your father is still alive. So? What did you discover? Vaughn: What I learned is that it was a hoax. My father was killed by Irina Derevko in 1979. But someone was trying to make me believe otherwise. Jack: Any idea who may have perpetrated this elaborate conspiracy? Vaughn: Arvin Sloane. Sydney: One of his colleagues confessed. Jack: What possible motive would he have- Vaughn: To force me into stealing something they wanted. I mean, come on Jack, do I really have to explain to you what this is about? Sloane hasn't reformed. And he's still after the same things. Sydney: There's more, dad. Vaughn wasn't the only person deceived by Sloane. The contract, the hit that was put on my life-I've seen the bank records. The payments paid to the assassin. It wasn't Mom. It was Sloane. He was behind it. He wanted you to kill her. I'm sorry, dad. We should notify the Agency- Chase. Jack: No. I'll handle everything. AC's warehouse. Sinclair is sitting in a chair, crying, with a bag over her head. Man pulls bag off. Sinclair: What do you want? Just tell me what you want. Arvin Clone walks in. AC: Welcome, Professor Sinclair. Men's restroom. Sloane is standing against the wall. Jack walks up to him. Sloane: What's this about, Jack? Jack (grabs Sloane and hold him up against the wall): You can't imagine what it felt like looking into the face of the woman I once shared a life with, and with a single bullet ending that life. I ran through every scenario. Why? What was the purpose of having me believe the only way to save my daughter's life was to kill her mother? And then it occurred to me why you would go to such lengths It was for Sydney. You imagined you'd drive a wedge between me and my daughter. Sloane: I didn't. I had nothing to do with Irina's death. Jack: (pulls out a gun, puts it to Sloane's head) One good reason why I shouldn't do to you what I did to my wife. Sloane: Jack, this doesn't make sense. Think about it. Even if I did succeed in undermining your relationship with Sydney-which, given our agreement, runs counter to my self-interest-even then, with all the people in Sydney's life-Vaughn, Nadia, anyone-do you really believe that she would turn to me? Jack, I didn't do this. (Jack lowers the gun) Someone is setting me up. AC's bunker. Sinclair: (to Arvin Clone) Who are you? AC: Your questions will all be answered in time. It's-what I have, what we can do together, that matters. (Opens Rambaldi manuscript) Years ago, I was with the army corps of engineers. They wanted me to study a certain manuscript. These pages were drawn over 500 years ago by a man of genius who anticipated scientific principles centuries ahead of his time. (shows her Rambaldi drawings, including the one of the Mueller device) Sinclair: You're insane. AC: Not at all. Prototypes of his designs have already been built. Turned up all over the world. I've been collecting them for the past 35 years. Sinclair: I don't understand. What do I have- AC: I've been following your career, Dr. Sinclair, since Stanford. I need your expertise. Sinclair (dubious): You want me to build a 500 year old machine? (laughs) Okay. Listen to me. I know that, um, we all have beliefs, and things that we really want and wish to be true and real. But these specs-they're just theoretical. They have absolutely no basis in physical reality. AC: Once you see, once you believe, It'll change everything for you. Sinclair: And what if I don't cooperate? Enter new guy. Wheeling a tray with a small Mueller device on it. (it looks different than the one in the pilot) AC: You will. APO Hallway outside entrance. Jack, Vaughn, and Sydney. Sydney: You believe Sloane. Jack: Until proven otherwise, yes. Vaughn: Until proven otherwise? Didn't you hear what I said? What the hell did Sloane say to you? Jack: Actually, Agent Vaughn, in this country the burden of proof is established on guilt, not innocence. Sydney: Roberts, he's in custody. He said that Sloane was behind the attacks, that he worked for Sloane. Vaughn: You want to put them together? Sydney: Assume he makes a positive ID. You put him face to face with Sloane. Watch him try to deny that. Vaughn: (to Jack) You'll have your proof. Roberts is being lead down a corridor with some guards. Vaughn (VO): Roberts, the man you are about to see is your former employer, Arvin Sloane. All we need you to do is make a positive ID. Sloane sitting at a table. In the next room over is Roberts sitting in a chair with Sydney, Jack, Vaughn, behind. Vaughn: Well? Roberts: Huh. Vaughn: What does that mean? Roberts: I mean, that dude is him-sort of. Jack: Is it him or not? Roberts: I mean, yeah, it's him, but then, it's not. Know what I'm saying? Sydney: So it's not him, but- Roberts: But, almost him. This is wild. Like, they don't even look that much alike, but. . .Oh, this is freaky, man. You ask me, both of them give me the creeps. Vaughn, Sydney, Jack, Sloane, walking through APO. Sloane: (to Jack) Now that I've been exonerated by your informant, I suggest you find out what it is he really knows. I'll be in my office. I believe it's still mine, yes? (he leaves) The others just stand there discussing. Vaughn: Just because Roberts didn't make a positive ID doesn't mean that Sloane's not involved. AC walks up to Sinclair, in the warehouse. AC: There a problem? Sinclair: (standing, pouring over the manuscripts) Yes, actually there is. You're missing a vital component. AC: Am I? Sinclair: A transformer coil. AC: Which acts as a containment stabilizer. Sinclair: Yes, that's right. AC: Yes, we were hoping to have obtained the coil by now. Sinclair: Well, then you know then, without it a device of this size is incapable of withstanding it's own power output. AC: (grins): Hmmm. (moves the manuscript out of the way and takes off his glasses) Maggie. I hired you because countless times you've proven yourself capable of improvising solutions where others have failed. (You can tell he's getting impatient) Sinclair: Well, I thank you for your vote of confidence, but even I have my limits. AC: I see. AC leaves and finds guy from earlier. AC: (to Guy) Motivate her. Guy enters room with Sinclair in it. APO Sloane's office. Nadia: I want to believe you, but it doesn't make any sense. Why someone would set you up, pursue the same specific things you've pursued in the past. Sloane: So you think that I have resumed my search for Rambaldi. Nadia: Have you? Sloane: Nadia, I made you a promise. I gave up my past obsessions for you. Look, I know I've given you reasons to doubt me. I know I've acted crazy in the past, but what happened in Sienna, sweetheart. . .that won't happen again. I promise. Warehouse. Sinclair tied to a chair. Sinclair: (to guy) What he's asking might not even be possible. Even with the component. Please listen to me I'm begging you. Guy turns on machine. Sinclair screams. APO Briefing room. Gang around the table. Sloane: As you are aware, evidence indicates that someone has been actively perpetrating crime in my name. Objective is simple-find the man. Apprehend him. Vaughn: Assuming he exists at all. Jack: That's the assumption we're working with. Sloane: Our best lead is Roberts. Where are we with him? Dixon: Roberts has been interrogated. His knowledge of the organization he was working for is extremely limited. Sydney: But we can still use him. He knows their contact protocol. We give Roberts the coil and put him into play. He makes the exchange, we track the coil back to Arvin Cloane. Minimal laughter around the table. Sydney: Sorry, that's what we've been calling him. Weiss: Yeah, also, uh, Marvin Sloane. Rolling Sloanes. Marshall: But obviously equally disrespectful. Nadia: Has Roberts agreed to cooperate? Sloane: I'm sure we can persuade him to see things our way. Marshall: Um, excuse me, sorry, but we all know the coil is a key component in the Rambaldi design. Rambaldi. Which means that, per your pardon agreement, Mr. Sloane, you must recuse yourself of all matters Rambaldi. You have to leave this room. Sloane: Marshall, this mission is about proving my innocence. Sydney, Marcus, talk to Roberts. Help him to see that it's in his best interest to work with us right away. Typical white APO room. Roberts: You expect me to double-cross Sloane? Sydney: He's not Sloane. Roberts: Whoever he is. You dangle bait in front of a man like that, you lose a hand. I'm sorry, but, uh, no can do. Dixon: Let's be clear. You play ball with us, or enjoy the rest of your life in prison. Roberts: I'll be safer in prison. Trust. Sydney: We guarantee immunity from prosecution. National security crimes, Europal records, parking tickets- you name it, it all disappears. Dixon: And we relocate you to someplace safe. Roberts: Someplace safe, what, like Mars? Sydney: You'll have full CIA protection. You have our word. Roberts: Look, I met the man twice. I deal with his number 2. Cat named Carter. You think about running a trace, they'll know. Sydney: (referring to the phone) The line's clean. Warehouse. Screaming. Carter turns out to be the one torturing her. Carter's cell phone rings. Sinclair: Please, no! No, please, no! Roberts: I'm hanging up. Sydney: No, no. Let it ring. Roberts: What do you want me to do, leave a message? Sydney: We won't get a chance like this again. Sinclair is screaming. Carter's phone rings. Carter answers. Roberts: It's Roberts. Carter: Where have you been? Roberts: Well, hello to you too, Carter. Carter: It's not nice to disappear, Mr. Roberts. Roberts: Yeah, well, um, things got a little hot. So I had to lay low for a little while. Carter: Lie low. A thing lays. As in you lay a book down. A person lies. Roberts: Oh, okay. Uh, well, listen. Why don't we get together. You can give me some grammar lessons, and I can give you that coil you've been looking for. Carter: You have the coil? Sydney: I'm looking right at it. But considering the considerable risk I've taken to procure it, the price just went up. Carter: Name it. Roberts: 750. Plus a neutral place to meet. Plus no more grammar lessons. Carter: A neutral location? Roberts: Yeah, that's right. Or I disappear again, and I take your slinky with me. Carter: You can call back in a half hour. I'll have a location. (hangs up, pause, to Sinclair) Might not seem it but this could be the luckiest day of your life. Roberts: (to Dixon and Sydney) You people better have my back. Sydney rushes into Jack's office. Sydney: (to Jack) The meet is on. Jack: Where? Dixon: Tomorrow. Around the corner. 1500. Fancy hotel, of course. Nadia and Sydney hacking into the computers. Sydney: 47. . .45. . . Nadia: He's innocent. Sydney: Maybe. Nadia: I know it, Sydney. Sydney: I hope you're right. Nadia: Do you? Marshall (on comms): Okay, one more patch ladies and I am tied into the hotel surveillance system. Marshall: Perfecto. Que bueno, Nadia y Sydney. All systems up and running, ready to rock. Dixon: Moving into position. Sloane: Copy Dixon, we have you on screen. Weiss enters hotel with his arm around Nadia. Weiss: Oh, this place is killer. We have to get married here. Nadia: You haven't even proposed yet. Weiss: They don't know yet. We can tell them that we're thinking about it and get a free meal off the sampler menu. Roberts walks through the lobby, carrying the case with the coil. Vaughn comes down the escalator and stops Roberts Vaughn: Excuse me sir, do you have the time, please? Roberts: Time for me to get the hell out of here. Vaughn: Just look at your watch and tell me what time it is. Roberts: 2:55 Vaughn: When Carter arrives we'll move in and arrest him. You have nothing to worry about. Roberts: Clearly, you don't know the man. They go on their ways. Roberts passes Dixon, who is sitting, reading a newspaper. Roberts goes to the bar and sits. Roberts: (to bartender): Yo, rum cannonball. Sydney: (also sitting at the bar) A little early for the hard stuff, don't you think? Roberts: No, I don't. In fact, make it 2, one for each hand. Jack: We have an approach. Man sits next to Roberts. Roberts: Do I know you? Man: I'm just here to make the sweep. Make sure you're not carrying any weapons. (Makes the sweep.) Jack: Sit tight, Sydney, see where this goes. Man: Okay, come with me. Roberts: Woahwoahwoahwoah, the plan was to meet here. Man: The plan's changed. We're doing this in the penthouse. Jack: (to marshall) Show me. Marshall's computer shows the penthouse entrance, with 2 guards standing outside. Roberts and Man go to elevator. Jack: All teams redeploy to cover the penthouse. Weiss: Moving to the freight elevator. W and N go. Dixon goes. Vaughn goes. Jack: Sydney, we need audio on Roberts. Sydney: (on cell phone) copy. (she gets up and leaves) At the elevator. Man: You got stones, man. Double-crossing Carter like that? Sydney (comes up behind them): Sir? Sir, you left this at the bar. (hands Roberts the cell pone, she leaves) Roberts: Thanks. (Man checks Sydney out) So, did Carter come himself or did he send somebody? Man: Oh, nonono, he wants to do this face to face. They get inside the elevator. Sydney goes for the other elevator. Sydney: Following them up. Sydney looks out the elevator glass to see. . .Arvin Clone looking right back at her through the other elevator that is going down. Sydney: Something's wrong. He's here. The Clone. Sloane: They're gonna cut the cable. BOOM. The cable snaps, it's been cut. The elevator falls. Sydney (watches): On my way to the subbasement now. [SCENE_BREAK] Subbasement. Carter opens the elevator with a crowbar. Man and Roberts are dead. Cater picks up the case with the coil and hands it to Arvin Sloane. In Sydney's elevator, she pulls out a gun. Her elevator opens, she walks to the other wrecked elevator. There is broken glass and wires strewn across the elevator. Sydney: Roberts is dead. And the coil is gone. APO Sloane is looking at a picture of Arvin Clone. Sydney walks in. Sydney: I need to speak with you. I saw him at the hotel. It was only for a moment, but I know now what Roberts was talking about. The man, the imposter-everything about him Sloane. His clothes, his posture, the way he looked at me-it's the way you look at me. Sloane: And how is that, Sydney? Sydney: Let's just say it's equally disturbing. Sloane: Yeah. Well, quite frankly I'm surprised that you didn't get to it before. Sydney: What's that? Sloane: You read the report. The operation, the elevator cables. Sydney: Moscow, 4 years ago. Sloane: Yeah, I tasked Julian Sark to a similar strategy in order to relieve a Mr. Karpachev of a certain item I required. Sydney: Why would someone be impersonating you? Sloane: It appears to be more than that. This man-his strategy, his appearance, his affinity for all things Rambaldi. Sydney: You believe, he actually believes he's you. Sloane: Ohhhh, perhaps Marshall was right. Perhaps I should recuse myself from any further involvement. Sydney: No, you have to stay in it. In fact, you may need to go deeper. The coils, the manuscript, your sense of strategy. If your right about this, he has access to everything. CIA files, your psych reports, mission analysis. You may be the only one who can do it-anticipate his next move. Sloane: You're asking me to go back to Rambaldi? Sydney: G-d help us, yes. At the CIA Rambaldi storage facility. Sloane is signing some papers at a desk. Dixon watches him. Sloane places his hand on a scanner. Which beeps and replies: identity confirmed. Doorway opens. Sloane enters room of Rambaldi artifacts closely followed by Dixon. Sloane stares at the picture of Sydney from the Rambaldi manuscript. He places his hand on the Rambaldi manuscript cover. Sydney's apartment. Sydney (to Nadia): I was wrong about your father. I'm sorry. Nadia: I know it's been hard to work with Sloane, to trust him. Sydney: That's no excuse. Nadia: No, you're doing your job. You don't have to apologize. Sydney: Thanks for saying that, but asking him to go back to the thing that was the cause of so many problems. . . Nadia: What do you mean? Sydney: Chase authorized my request to Rambali- Nadia: Are you serious? Sydney: He's in there with Dixon, right now. Nadia: Sydney. . . Sydney: What is it? I thought- Nadia: You don't know what I saw. Lat year when my father and I went to Siena, the closer we got to finding this artifact that he wanted, the more he began to change. I saw him slipping away from himself. His passion, this desperation to connect with Rambaldi, it completely overtook him. He became a different man. His eyes were mad, lost. I didn't want to be around him after that. The only reason I agreed to come back, to join APO, it was because he promised me that part of his life was over. We see Sloane pouring over the Rambaldi manuscript. Sloane: I know what he's doing. I know what he's doing. APO Briefing room. Gang sits around the table. Sloane: The man we're looking for is attempting to construct an energy source- in essence, a massive battery. Is the simplest way to describe it. Marshall: What is the power? Dixon: We don't know. Weiss: So that's why he needed the transformer coil. Sloane: That's right. But in order to use it, it's necessary to have an engineer with a specialty in nuclear physics. An advanced knowledge of quantum electrodynamics. There are only a handful of scientists in the world. Vaughn: You think one of them is working with our target? Jack: Yes, but not by choice. (Turns to big screen. Picture of Sinclair pops up.) Dr. Margaret Sinclair disappeared last week in Krakow. We can presume this is no coincidence. Sydney: Could this battery already be completed? Sloane: It's unlikely. There are other important components, including Xanthium 242. Weiss: How do we know they don't already have it? Sloane: I contacted a former colleague of mine in Sicily. Someone who trades in illicit chemicals. Apparently yesterday morning, Arvin Sloane placed an order for an unprecedented amount of Xanthium. I kindly told him to hold the order. That I would be picking it up personally. Nadia and Sloane walking into Sloane's office. Nadia: Someone else can do this. Sloane: No, it's my contact. Nadia: Then you should have backup, I'll come with you. Sloane: Nadia, it's a meeting. I don't need backup. Look, sweetheart, I know what you're concerned about. Rambaldi. You have nothing to worry about. I'll be fine. Nadia: I think you're asking too much of yourself. Sloane: Look, I've proven myself to you, to everyone. I don't have to- Nadia: The DSR was a contained environment. You were being watched there were limitations. Sloane: The only limitation that was necessary when I was at the DSR was you. When I was studying those manuscripts, the only thing my thoughts kept returning to was you. I was surrounded by symbols of all the things I once believed in, and it all felt meaningless. Having a daughter, knowing you means more to me than anything ever has or ever will. Nadia: What about Siena? Sloane: I can't change what you witnessed in Sienna. But I can assure you that the man that you saw there no longer exists. I'm sorry Nadia. Nadia: For what? Sloane: Having me as a father is an arduous undertaking, one that I imposed on you. Nadia: Don't say that. I don't want to lose you again. Sloane: Then I need to know that you have faith in me. Sicily Racetrack. Sloane walks up to Ignacio in the stands and sits next to him. A horse and rider are running. Sloane: Considering she doesn't like running on a wet track, that mare is quite the longshot. Ignacio: Mr. Sloane, it's been so long-in person, I mean. Sloane: Well, I've had to take some precautions of late. Do you have the package? Ignacio: Yes, of course. (hands Sloane a pair of binoculars) Sloane twists the lenses off the binocular and pulls it out. There is a tube of liquid inside. Sloane takes it. Ignacio: There is a question I've been wanting to ask you for the longest time. Now that you are here. . . Sloane: Yes, what is it? Ignacio: This Omnifam foundation you founded, feeding the world's poor and hungry- what was that really about? Sloane puts the binoculars up to his face. Ignacio: What was in that food you sent to those impoverished countries? Sloane: Ignacio. Ignacio: I know you were involved with genetic experimentation. Sloane: Ignacio, the fact is that someone in the black market is posing as me. And that same someone placed all the previous orders of Xanthium 242 with you. Ignacio: Mr. Sloane, he- he followed all of you protocols. I didn't know. I swear. Sloane: Ignacio, I'm not here to hurt you. But you need to tell me exactly where that shipment was supposed to be sent. APO Jack walks into Marshall's office/lab. Marshall is looking at some device. Jack: Marshall: Our teams going to Santiago. Pull up satellite surveillance. 1500 Court of Barrera Montin. Marshall: Got it. I'm on it. Jack: (walks out) Weiss, make sure the jet is on standby. Coordinate an in-country rendevous with Sloane at 1200 hours. Weiss: 1200? Jack, it's me. You can say noon. Jack: Just do it! Dixon: (walks up) Sloane is joining the tactical team? Jack: Considering whom we're up against, and considering our need for Rambaldi information Dixon: And are you considering the man himself? It's one thing to allow Sloane into the DSR, But if his imposter has assembled the Rambaldi device and Sloane is put in front of it, what assurance do we have- Jack: I'm calling the shots here, Marcus. Dixon: And you have a problem with my questioning Sloane's motives. Jack: As far as I'm concerned, at this juncture, Sloane's motives are irrelevant. If he can help bring the imposter to us, I say let Sloane do what he needs to do. Go to Santiago. Let's end this. Dixon nods and leaves. Santiago A van pulls up to a gat. Vaughn is driving the van with Dixon in the passenger side. They shoot tranqs at the guards. Dixon gets out to open the gate and Vaughn drives through. The van drives up to a building. We see Arvin Clone in his office. In walks Carter. Cater: Mr. Sloane, the shipments here. AC: Good. Meet them at the loading dock, see that it's properly handled. I'll get Dr. Sinclair, we meet you at the lab. Back at the van. Two guys go to open the back. When they do, they get tranqed by Sydney and Weiss. They jump out the back with Sloane, Vaughn, Nadia. Sydney: (on comms) Outrigger, do you have visual. Dixon: (still back at the gate) I count 7 tangos so far. Still searching for the hostage. (He's looking through video surveillance.) Back to AC flanked by 2 bodyguards walking into the room with Sinclair in it. AC: The Xanthium has arrived. You can begin assembly immediately. Sinclair: I could have worked more efficiently if you hadn't ruined my hands. AC: I have faith that you'll find another way. Dixon: I've got a twenty on Dr. Sinclair. Northwest side, Level 2. Hangar's on the ground floor, east side. Sydney: Understood. Vaughn: All right, we'll split up. One team retrieve the hostage, the other secures the lab. Sydney: I go with Sloane. Sloane: I was gonna suggest that myself. The 2 teams walk off in separate directions. Sydney with Sloane. Nadia, Vaughn, and Weiss. Sydney, Sloane come to a password box. Sydney puts password device on it. Slaone: (watches Sydney) Strange, isn't it? Sydney: What's that? Sloane: All our years working together, this is the first time I've been with you in action. Up close. Dixon: Alpha team, you're almost on target. Take the next left. Vaughn, Nadia, Weiss, running down a corridor. All of a sudden, bad guys shooting at them. Bad guys run through a door and close it. Vaughn: Watch your fire. They've got Sinclair. They run up to the closed door. Vaughn: It's locked. Weiss: Stay back, stay back! (fires at the door with his gun) On the other side of door, AC stands with 2 guys and Sinclair. AC: (to guy) Give me your radio. (into radio) Carter, change of plans. Secure the device from the hangar and meet me by the side exit. Password box says -DECODING-JA Sydney: What is this? This is taking too long. If this were your facility, what would the access code be? Sloane: J-A. . . Try "Jacquelyn" J-A-C-Q-E-L-Y-N. Sydney types it in and door opens. Sydney: Am I supposed to know who that is? They walk into the hangar, They see big Rambaldi ball. Sydney: I'll set the charges. Sloane: No. No, we don't have to. We can dismantle it. Sydney: No, Sloane. Sloane: Sydney, we have to consider the value of this. Sydney: I don't care. Vaughn: (on comms) Phoenix, we're cut off. They've got Dr. Sinclair. You've got to intercept them. Sydney: Where? Vaughn: Northwest corridor. Headed your way. Sloane: Go. Go. Sydney: I'm on it. (she leaves the hangar) Minutes later, Cater enters hanger and sees Sloane's back. Carter: Mr. Sloane? I thought we were supposed to rendezvous on the side entrance. Sloane: (turns around, gun drawn) Hello. We see Arvin Clone with Dr. Sinclair and 2 guys. Sydney enters and starts shooting. Sinclair runs and hides. Arvin Clone runs out with one guy. Other guy start shooting at Sydney. Sydney shoots a can of vapor. Vapor hits guy in the face. Sydney runs up and fights guy. Sydney knocks guy unconscious. Vaughn and Weiss enter through other door. Sydney (to Vaughn and Weiss, referring to Sinclair) Stay with her. (Sydney runs out.) Back to Sloane and Carter in the hangar. Sloane: Who's the man misrepresenting me? Carter: It's Arvin Sloane. Sloane: I am Arvin Sloane. Carter tries to pull out his gun. Sloane shoots him in the knee. And he falls, screaming. Sloane picks up the miniature Mueller device shown to Sinclair earlier. Sloane: Do you know what this is that you're doing? Carter: What the hell do you want? Sloane: Do you understand what you're dealing with here, and for what? Carter: Please, he told me-Mr. Sloane- Sloane: Listen to me. Don't make me tell you again who I am. You fool. Carter: He told me- he told me that I can live forever. Sloane (goes berserk): No! (he hits Carter with the Mueller device) Is that what you think this is all about?! Immortality?! You bought the rumor, you simple-minded dilettante! (He hits him again. They both scream. We see Nadia walking.) A mystery. The true secrets of these creations will always be held back (Sloane has blood splattered across his face.) from you, the unworthy! (Sloane hits Carter about 5 more times. More blood is splattered on Sloane. Nadia walks in. (He's calm again.) Nadia. ( Carter is dead) It's all over. It's all over, honey.	Plan: A: Quantum Electrodynamics; Q: What is the specialty of the physicist who is abducted? A: Kraków; Q: Where is the physicist abducted? A: custody; Q: Where is Roberts when he contacts Marvin Sloane's second in command? A: Roberts; Q: Who is the mysterious man who contacts "Marvin Sloane's" second in command? A: a meeting; Q: What did Roberts arrange to deliver the coil? A: the impostor Sloane; Q: Who is building the coil that Roberts was supposed to deliver? A: the meeting; Q: What went awry and the coil was stolen? A: an impostor; Q: Who did Sloane convince everyone was responsible for the recent activities? A: Nadia; Q: Who does Sloane promise he is trustworthy to? A: DSR; Q: Where is Sloane allowed to examine the Rambaldi artifacts? A: Rambaldi; Q: What technology is used to determine the impostor's next move? A: bludgeons; Q: How does Sloane kill a man? A: a man; Q: Who does Sloane kill during the recovery mission? A: the Rambaldi technology; Q: What does Sloane believe is related to eternal life? A: The impostor; Q: Who escapes? A: an immense sphere; Q: What is the power source of the impostor? A: Zanthium 242; Q: What fictional chemical element is mentioned in the episode "Almost 30 Years"? Summary: A physicist specializing in Quantum Electrodynamics is abducted in Kraków. In custody, Roberts, the mysterious man makes contact with "Marvin Sloane's" second in command to arrange a meeting to deliver the coil vital to what the impostor Sloane is building, but the meeting goes awry and the coil is stolen. Sloane convinces all that an impostor is responsible for the recent activities. After promising Nadia that he is trust-worthy, Sloane is allowed into DSR to examine the Rambaldi artifacts to determine the impostor's next move. Sloane loses it during the recovery mission and bludgeons a man to death for assuming that the Rambaldi technology is related to eternal life. The impostor escapes, but his power source (an immense sphere seen in the season 1 episode "Almost 30 Years") remains. This episode make mention of a fictional chemical element, Zanthium 242.
EXT. SPACE A large ship travels through the stars. It's a working ship, not one for pleasure. On the side are the words "Van Balen Brothers". INT. SHIP, LIVING QUARTERS The computer screen tells us it's scanning. One of the men is sleeping on a bunk. Stuck into the screening where he can see it is a torn photo showing the two brothers and their father. The other brother is also sleeping. A third man is sitting at a table polishing equipment. He has a barcode on his throat and his eyes zoom in on his task like a computer. The computer starts to beep. COMPUTER: Incoming salvage, please validate. Incoming salvage, please validate. Incoming salvage, please validate. Incoming salvage, please validate. The second man stands and walks to the screen as does the third. The screen reads "Zero Salvage Value". MAN 2: Rusty garbage. It's not worth lacing up my boots. MAN 3: Wasting our time. There's no salvage this far out. MAN 2: You're a lucky boy, Tricky. You're an android - you don't get bored. TRICKY: (looks over at sleeping man) He won't turn back. Not with half a cargo. MAN 2: He's not captain. We're equal partners. TRICKY: Yeah, right. (takes sip of drink) EXT. SPACE The TARDIS spins through space INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA is walking around the console, arms crossed. The DOCTOR follows eagerly, trying to persuade her. DOCTOR: You said... CLARA: I know what I said. I was the one who said it. DOCTOR: You said it was looking at you funny. CLARA: I was tired. Overwrought. I didn't mean it. It's an appliance. It does a job. DOCTOR: It's a pretty cool appliance. (taps on console) We're not talking cheese grater here! CLARA: You're not getting me to talk to your ship. That's properly bonkers. DOCTOR: (strokes console) It's OK, it's OK. CLARA: You're like one of those guys who can't go out with a girl unless his mother approves. DOCTOR: It's important to me you get along. I could leave you alone together. CLARA: Now you're creeping me out. DOCTOR: Take the wheel... not the wheel. I'll make it easy - shut it down to basic mode for you. (starts working switches on the console) CLARA: Basic! 'Cos I'm a girl? (leans on console next to him) DOCTOR: No. The DOCTOR smirks when CLARA'S not looking but wipes it from his face when she glares at him. He turns a key. INT. SHIP, LIVING QUARTERS The TARDIS appears on the computer screen. The first man is now awake and walks over to the others. MAN: Everyone suit up. It's good salvage. I can smell it. MAN 2: (eats) It's just trash. TRICKY: No, look. There's something tasty in the magno-field. The first MAN leans forward and presses a spot on the screen. COMPUTER: Magno-grab ready. Engaging. EXT. SPACE The large aft doors of the ship open and we see energy massing within. INT. SHIP, LIVING QUARTERS MAN: (to MAN 2) Move yourself. The men go to their lockers and put on heavy duty books and cover-alls. The first MAN takes a device from the shelf of a locker and presses the button on top. EXT. SPACE A beam shoots out from the ship and encompasses the TARDIS. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA is smiling, enjoying her lesson. She flips a switch and the TARDIS goes dark. CLARA: What have I done? The lights start flashing red. DOCTOR: Er... OK. The DOCTOR moves to another section of the console and looks at the screen that displays their location. As he looks, the screen starts cracking. CLARA walks over. CLARA: Doctor? DOCTOR: (flicks numerous switches) All the electrical impulses are jammed. I can't get the shields back up. (grunts as pushes on a lever) She's completely vulnerable. CLARA: I swear I just touched it. The DOCTOR succeeds in moving the lever. However, sparks fly and the TARDIS lurches, throwing the DOCTOR and CLARA backwards. The DOCTOR makes his way back to the console. DOCTOR: Magnetic hobble-field. We're flying right into it. Clara, stay by me! CLARA: (grips side console) Please tell me there's a button you can press to fix this. DOCTOR: Oh, yes. Big friendly button. CLARA: You're lying. DOCTOR: Yep. CLARA: To stop me freaking out? DOCTOR: Is it working? CLARA: Not so much. A device like the one the MAN had on the other ship rolls across the floor. CLARA picks it up and it burns her hand. She drops it with a gasp. There's another explosion and the DOCTOR is thrown back from the console with a scream. [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith Jenna-Louise Coleman "Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS" By Stephen Thompson PRODUCER Marcus Wilson DIRECTOR Mat King [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHIP, BAY The TARDIS is brought deeper into the ship by a series of pincers. INT. SHIP, VIEWING ROOM The men watch the ship's progress. TRICKY: What is it, some kind of escape pod? MAN: Come on. The men leave the room. INT. SHIP, HOLD The TARDIS is lying on an angle atop a pile of wires and other pieces of salvage. MAN 2 is holding a large sledgehammer and the first MAN seems to have a saw of some type. MAN: Crack it open. MAN 2 climbs up to the TARDIS and stomps on the door. He then moves on to the sledgehammer. When that doesn't work, he uses the laser. MAN 2: It's doing nothing. MAN: Use the thermo-charge and blast it. (throws device at MAN 2) MAN 2 sets the device on the TARDIS. TRICKY: (runs over) No! No! No! Wait... (puts a hand on the TARDIS) It's like she's alive. She's...she's suffering. I can feel it. I can feel it. MAN: That's just robot-rant. MAN 2: No, Gregor, he's right. Looks like there's a broken fuel line. GREGOR: All right. All right, put it back. No salvage today, boys. Open the bay doors. They scramble back down to the floor beside GREGOR. TRICKY spots something. TRICKY: Wait! TRICKY walks toward the pile of wires and waves the others over. His eyes zoom in on a pair of legs sticking out. TRICKY: Somebody's under that thing. The crew were still on board when we dragged her in. GREGOR: (ushers the others out) We did nothing. If anyone asks, that ship was already busted. You got that? (to TRICKY) And you, make sure you keep your oily-mouth shut. DOCTOR: (sneaks up and whispers) It's rude to whisper. Hi. I'm the Doctor. (shakes MAN 2'S hand) And you are...? (reads nametag) Van Baalen and... (shakes GREGOR'S hand) Van Baalen. Van Baalen and Van Baalen. That's going to get confusing later. GREGOR: We found you drifting. MAN 2: Your ship was junked-up pretty bad. DOCTOR: (whispers) What broke my ship was a magno-grab. (holds up device) Found this remote in your pocket. Eh? What are the chances? Outlawed in most galaxies. This little beastie can disable whole vessels unless you have shield oscillators, (slaps forehead) which I turned off so that Clara could fly... (throws remote back and forth in his hands) Damn it! Clara! Where is she? Girl. (spins around) About so high. Feisty. (looks back at TARDIS) She's still on board! The DOCTOR starts to run for the TARDIS but TRICKY holds him back. TRICKY: No, wait, your pod is leaking fuel. If she's still in there, she's dead. The DOCTOR turns around and looks into the lockers. DOCTOR: Ah. Respirators. (heads for the lockers) GREGOR: We can open the doors for a split second, reach in and grab her. DOCTOR: (grabs respirators and heads back to the TARDIS) Trust me, we can't. Now, please, help me get her out. TRICKY: I'm telling you, she fried... GREGOR: Shut it, tin-mouth! (to DOCTOR) What sort of fee are we talking? DOCTOR: (stands by TARDIS) If you help me get her out, you get the machine, all the scrap, eh? MAN 2: It's not worth the risk. Four feet of metal? Nah. DOCTOR: What if I can guarantee you the best haul you've ever had? GREGOR: Bram, open the bay doors. BRAM and GREGOR start to walk away. DOCTOR: No, no, please, stop! Listen, listen. Right behind those doors is the salvage of a lifetime. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR The corridor is littered with debris. It is glowing red under emergency lights. Wires are hanging from the ceiling. Some are live and sparking. CLARA is lying under a large piece of metal. CLARA: (looks around) Doctor? (pushes the piece off her and sits up) Doctor? CLARA stands and takes a few steps. We can hear the cloister bell in the background. She looks at her hand from where she burned it on the device and sees marks. She blows on it to cool it. She walks down the corridor to a closed door with a red light flashing above it. CLARA: Red flashing light...means something bad. Get out of here fast? Or possibly, whatever you do, don't open this door. CLARA ponders a moment before pressing the button to the right of the door. The door opens and there is an explosion. CLARA: Bad decision. CLARA runs down the corridor to escape the fire. She finds herself in another corridor that was clear of debris. She ducks through another doorway and closes it behind her. Something on the wall catches her eye. It is long scratch marks. She puts her hand up to it and the marks line up with her fingers. INT. SHIP, HOLD The men are putting on gear for going within the TARDIS. The DOCTOR and TRICKY are at the lockers while GREGOR and BRAM walk away. BRAM: Hey, are we really going to risk it? That thing is spewing poison. We should blow it back into space. GREGOR: Get your gear. BRAM: Hey! I don't take orders from my kid brother. GREGOR: Don't try and form sentences, all right? Stick to what you do best. (taps BRAM on the cheek before leaving) BRAM walks back to the lockers, past the DOCTOR who had witnessed the exchange. The DOCTOR watches as TRICKY gets his gear. DOCTOR: Tell me, since when does an android need a blast suit and a respirator? BRAM: Flesh coating, same as us. He'd burn up. TRICKY: No fear, no hate, no pain. TRICKY puts the respirator over his nose and mouth and follows BRAM. The DOCTOR puts on his respirator and goes over to the TARDIS. He stands on the ledge and inserts the key. GREGOR: "Salvage of a lifetime?" DOCTOR: I feel pretty confident I can deliver on that. There we go. The DOCTOR kicks the door open and smoke billows out. The men slip on their goggles and switch on their torches. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM The DOCTOR enters first. Even though the TARDIS is lying on its side, it is not reflected inside. GREGOR: I don't get it. I thought she was lying on her side. DOCTOR: The TARDIS is special. She has her own gravity. I'd explain if I had some charts and a board pen. (heads to console) TRICKY: It's... it's bigger... DOCTOR: On the inside. Do you know, I get that a lot. BRAM: Whoa. Awesome! DOCTOR: Well put. Whoa and awesome. (flicks a switch and the smoke is pulled through the vents) Safe to breathe. Everyone removes their respirators. DOCTOR: OK. Now. The last thing I remember, you were right here. (moves to where CLARA had been standing and scans with the sonic) Come on, Clara, talk to me. BRAM: How big is this baby? DOCTOR: Picture the biggest ship you've ever seen. Are you picturing it? BRAM: Yeah. DOCTOR: Good. Now forget it. This ship is infinite. (walks to console and uses controls) GREGOR: It could take you hours to find the girl. DOCTOR: Days! Plus the whole place is toxic. She could be dead by the time I reach her. So. Here's the mission. We're going to find her in one hour. GREGOR: We? DOCTOR: You're my guys for this. GREGOR: That wasn't the deal. DOCTOR: 'Tis now. GREGOR: What makes you think we'll help? The DOCTOR flips two levers and a countdown starts on the screen. DOCTOR: I just activated the TARDIS self-destruct system. One hour until this ship blows. BRAM runs for the door but it slams shut. DOCTOR: Don't try to leave. The TARDIS is in lockdown. I'll open those doors when Clara's by my side. BRAM: You crazy lunatic! DOCTOR: (turns on BRAM) My ship, my rules! GREGOR: You'll kill us all. And the girl. DOCTOR: She's going to die if you don't help me. Don't get into a spaceship with a madman. The men run to the door to try and force it open. DOCTOR: Didn't anyone ever teach you that? OK. A little gentle persuasion. Say 30 minutes. The DOCTOR flicks some switches and presses a button. The countdown changes to 30 minutes. BRAM: She'll die even quicker now! DOCTOR: We all perform better under pressure. Anybody want to go for 15 minutes? (his finger hovers over the button) BRAM: Whoa! GREGOR: Whoa! DOCTOR: It's your own time you're wasting. Salvage of a lifetime. You meant the ship. I meant Clara. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR CLARA hears growling, spots a door and opens it. INT. TARDIS, STORAGE ROOM CLARA closes the door behind her. Immediately to her right is the cradle that had been River's. She touches the mobile and runs a hand along the edge. Further in the room, she sees a toy TARDIS Amy made as a child. She spins it in the air before putting it down on a table. She picks up a magnifying glass and an umbrella. She is not alone in the room. There is a shadowy figure with glowing red eyes. CLARA sees it and runs from the room. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR The DOCTOR is leading the way with the sonic screwdriver. GREGOR lags in the back with his hand-held scanner. GREGOR: Report. What's on board this thing? COMPUTER: 'Dynomorphic generators, conceptual geometer, beam synthesiser, orthogonal engine filters.' GREGOR: (catches up to the others) Guys, guys, look. I think we should split up. It's our best chance of finding the girl. You know it is. DOCTOR: (checks watch) Don't touch a thing. The TARDIS will get huffy if you mess. GREGOR: (to TRICKY) Keep in radio contact, all right? TRICKY nods and leaves with the DOCTOR. GREGOR: (to BRAM) Get back to the console. Strip it apart. All right? The brothers split up. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR CLARA runs through the corridors followed by the same creature. We see a little more of it this time. It is ossified, one of its hands stuck to its face. As she runs from it, she passes the observatory with large telescope and the swimming pool. She runs through an open door. INT. TARDIS, LIBRARY CLARA ducks behind a shelf bearing some small bottles. She looks at her burned hand and can see letters forming. She blows on it and looks up distractedly. She steps forward, stunned. CLARA: Now that's just showing off. She sees she is in a large library consisting of five ornate levels. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM BRAM re-enters the room. He walks straight up to the console and tries to open one of the panels. He finally succeeds, setting it on the floor. We hear voices from the past as he walks around the console. SUSAN: (V.O.) I made up the name TARDIS from the initials. Time and Relative Dimension in Space. THIRD DOCTOR: (V.O.) The TARDIS is dimensionally transcendental. JO: (V.O.) What does that mean? ELEVENTH DOCTOR: (V.O.) You sexy thing! IDRIS: (V.O.) See, you do call me that! Is it my name? ELEVENTH DOCTOR: (V.O.) You bet it's your name! FOURTH DOCTOR: (V.O.) That's trans-dimensional engineering. A key Time Lord discovery. NINTH DOCTOR: (V.O.) The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn't get through that door. Believe me, they've tried. BRAM makes his way to the level underneath the console. MARTHA: (V.O.) It's just a box with that room crammed in! AMY: (V.O.) We are in space! IAN: (V.O.) It can move anywhere in time and space? FIFTH DOCTOR: (V.O.) You've changed the desktop theme, haven't you? INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR GREGOR is still scanning as he slowly walks the corridors. COMPUTER: Everything. GREGOR: What? Report. (stops) COMPUTER: Everything. Behind that door. GREGOR: (faces door) "Everything?" COMPUTER: Sensor detects everything you could possibly want. GREGOR pushes the button to the side of the door and it slides open. INT. TARDIS, ROOM GREGOR enters the room. In front of him, hanging from the centre, were tendrils that look to be both organic and metallic. On some of them were glowing crystals. It looks almost like a tree. GREGOR'S eyes widen. COMPUTER: Everything. GREGOR: I don't understand. Give me a price tag. COMPUTER: Incalculable. GREGOR: What? COMPUTER: More valuable than the total sum of any currency. Living metal. Bespoke engineering. Whatever machine you require, this system will build it. GREGOR puts the computer away. He looks around carefully and edges his way towards one of the crystals. He puts his hands on it and it goes dark. He picks up his laser and begins to cut away at the tendrils. The DOCTOR runs in followed by TRICKY. GREGOR lowers the laser. DOCTOR: No! No, no. Stop! Please! Don't! Don't touch it. Please. She won't let you touch it. I can feel a TARDIS tantrum coming on. (strokes one of the crystals) GREGOR: What the hell is this place? DOCTOR: Architectural Reconfiguration System. It reconstructs particles according to your needs. GREGOR: A machine that makes machines? DOCTOR: Yes. Basically. GREGOR picks up the laser once again. TRICKY: What are you doing? DOCTOR: No, no, don't! Don't! If you walk out of here with that circuit, the TARDIS will try to stop you! Now listen to me. Look, the clock is ticking. We must find Clara! The DOCTOR reaches out a hand slowly. GREGOR yanks the crystal free. The others go dark for a moment before flickering back on. A high-pitch whine causes the DOCTOR and TRICKY to cover their ears. GREGOR puts the crystal into his pack and heads for the door - or where the door had been. TRICKY: What the...? (walks over) Where's the door gone? DOCTOR: Ever see a spaceship get ugly? TRICKY: This isn't happening. (tries to find a way out) DOCTOR: She won't relinquish it. Her basic genetic material. GREGOR: Torch it. GREGOR throws a device at TRICKY. TRICKY catches it but hesitates. GREGOR: I said torch it! TRICKY: Can't you feel it, Gregor? The ship's in torment, like it's a living thing. You can't hurt it. GREGOR activates the device and approaches the wall. The door appears and slides open. GREGOR: What's the matter, TARDIS? Scared to fight me? GREGOR strides out followed by TRICKY. After a moment, the DOCTOR follows. INT. TARDIS, LIBRARY A book on a stand catches CLARA'S attention and she walks towards it. The title is "The History of the Time War". She opens it and turns a few pages. She leans in as she reads. CLARA: So that's who... She hears the growling again and ducks behind a bookshelf. The creature enters the room. CLARA crawls over to another row of shelves. On one of the shelves above her are bottles containing the Encyclopedia Gallifreyae. She peeks out and sees the creature getting closer. She pulls back, knocking one of the bottles loose. She hears whispers from the spilled bottle and stands to fan it away. The creature comes closer but then runs past her. Quickly, CLARA runs back out the way she came in. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR The DOCTOR leads GREGOR and TRICKY through the corridors. They soon end up in the same intersection. TRICKY: It's the same. It's just the same. DOCTOR: It's diverting us, spinning a maze around us. We will never reach Clara in time. GREGOR glares at the DOCTOR and takes the right corridor. DOCTOR: Hey! Hey! The DOCTOR and TRICKY follow GREGOR and enter the same spot from the left. TRICKY: It's just the same, again. DOCTOR: No point in building walls. You'll just know how to smash them down. It's found other ways of controlling you. Smart bunch, Time Lords. No dress sense, dreadful hats, but smart. If you want to get out of here, let that circuit go. It is creating a labyrinth. TRICKY: (into radio) Bram? Bram? Can you hear me? INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM BRAM opens a section under the console to reveal a shaft with a ladder down one side. Running down the center are glowing wires. TRICKY: (over radio) Bram, the ship is alive. Get out of there. Bram, don't touch anything. BRAM: You're just the sweetest thing ever. (enters the shaft) INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA finds herself in the console room and smiles. This does not look like the one BRAM was in as its panels are intact. CLARA: Oh, thank you. (spins around and clasps her hands) Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! (laughs, runs up to the console and kisses it) Ah! Mwah! (looks around) No! The door? (runs to where the door should be) Where's the door gone now? You can't do this! (yells at TARDIS) INT. TARDIS, UNDER CONSOLE ROOM BRAM climbs down the ladder. TRICKY: (over radio) Bram? You've got to get out of there fast. BRAM'S back touches the wires and he grunts in pain. He falls to the floor below. He slowly stands up and brushes himself off. He looks up and sees a creature in the corridor. The creature rushes towards him with a growl. It knocks him to the floor. BRAM screams as he struggles. He soon falls silent and still. Steam rises from the body. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR TRICKY is listening for a response from BRAM. The DOCTOR pulls out the sonic and begins to scan ahead. TRICKY: Channel's dead. We've got to help him. Gregor, do something. Do something! GREGOR: It's too late. He's gone! Let's just worry about the salvage! TRICKY: (shoves GREGOR) You care more about the circuit than you do about him! The DOCTOR comes back and pulls them apart. DOCTOR: Your concern for your brother is really touching. The android is more cut up about it than you. Now will you two stop bickering and listen! There is something else down there. The DOCTOR starts scanning again. TRICKY: We've got to get out of here! Gregor, give it back. Give it back to her. (reaches for the pack) GREGOR: What are you doing? (pushes TRICKY against the wall) You're always on the side of the machines! DOCTOR: Fellas! Multiple life forms on board the TARDIS with us. (backs up until he's level with the others) I am getting a massive signal. TRICKY: Where are they? DOCTOR: Oh, you're not going to like the answer. About two steps away. One step. They slowly turn around and scream as they see the creature. This one seems to be two fused together. It reaches for them and growls. DOCTOR: Gregor, look out! Careful! Gregor! (GREGOR runs down the hall opposite) No! We have to stay together. Come on. Tricky, run! (TRICKY runs) I'm sorry. (runs after TRICKY) INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR CLARA makes her way down a red-lit corridor until she finds herself in... INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM ...the same console room as before. She points at the entrance and then at the console before leaving again, puzzled. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR CLARA walks away from the console room entrance and down another corridor. She turns a corner and she's in... INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM ...the console room again. She runs back out. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR CLARA stops and scratches her head before running down another corridor. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA runs into the room and up the steps. CLARA: Why are you doing this? INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM TRICKY and the DOCTOR enter the console room. It is not the one BRAM was in and it is not the one CLARA is in. TRICKY: Back where we started. DOCTOR: No. It's an echo. (runs up to the console) The console room is the safest place on the ship. (circles the console) It can replicate itself any number of times. It's trying to protect us. TRICKY: Because I tried to give back the circuit? DOCTOR: Team TARDIS. (pats him on the face) The DOCTOR stars fiddling with the controls and knocks a piece loose. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA is sitting disconsolate as a piece falls from the console. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM TRICKY: Where did... where did that go? DOCTOR: There's more than one echo room. (sees a shadow move and points) Hey, look, look! INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA walks slowly around the console. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM DOCTOR: The TARDIS has got Clara safe. That was her. That was her there. (kisses his fingers and presses them against the column) Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! TRICKY: Why can't we see her? DOCTOR: It's like a light switch. Two positions. Flickering at super-infinite speeds. We're only together for a brief second. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA backs away slowly. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM DOCTOR: Shh! INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA gasps. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM The DOCTOR walks slowly around the console. DOCTOR: I can hear her. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA backs away towards the stairs. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM The DOCTOR listens for CLARA. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA opens the door and there is another creature there. It runs in and CLARA screams as she runs up to the console. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM The DOCTOR hears the scream. DOCTOR: She's let it in. She's let it in! (works the controls) INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA keeps the console between herself and the creature. The creature seems to mimic her movements. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM The DOCTOR works different controls. DOCTOR: Ah... if I can just isolate her position, I can nudge the alternation - reach in and grab her. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA tilts her head and the creature tilts its head. CLARA: Who are you? INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM COMPUTER: Console room, echo imprint of the original. The DOCTOR and TRICKY turn around to see GREGOR directly behind them, the computer in his hand. GREGOR: You're coming with me. I need you to get me out of here. The DOCTOR uses the sonic on the computer. COMPUTER: Scanning for female human. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM The creature charges at CLARA and she finds herself backed against the wall where the external door would be. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM GREGOR walks around with the scanner. COMPUTER: Scanning for female human. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM The creature slowly approaches CLARA, steam rising from its hand. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM GREGOR walks around with the scanner. COMPUTER: Unidentified human. The DOCTOR takes the computer from GREGOR. DOCTOR: It doesn't know Lancashire. TRICKY: What? DOCTOR: It doesn't know sass. Yes! It's found Clara! It's found her. She is right there. The DOCTOR uses the sonic and an image of CLARA pressed against the wall starts to come through. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM CLARA screams as the creature comes towards her. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM The DOCTOR puts the sonic into his other hand and pulls CLARA free. She screams as he holds her. She pulls away and spins around, taking deep breaths. DOCTOR: It's all right. Clara, I'm so, so sorry. Please, please forgive me... CLARA punches him in the shoulder and walks away. DOCTOR: Ow! (rubs shoulder) OK, so we're not doing hugging, I get that now. CLARA: What do you keep in here?! Why have you got zombie creatures? Good guys do not have zombie creatures. Rule one. (hits him again) Basic storytelling. DOCTOR: Not in front of the guests. CLARA looks over and TRICKY gives a little wave. CLARA: Who are they? DOCTOR: Friends. Well, people who aren't trying to kill us, so I don't need punching again! CLARA glares at him and walks off to lean against the rail. GREGOR: All right, all right - a deal's a deal. You got the girl back. Now cancel the self-destruct. DOCTOR: Ah. Ah. You know, (claps a hand on GREGOR'S shoulder) I've got to tell you, I won't be needing you in my quiz team. GREGOR: What? DOCTOR: There is no self-destruct. (joke-punches GREGOR) Hey! Hey! Hey! Had you going, though, boys, didn't I? (rubs GREGOR'S head) I just wiggled a few buttons. The old wiggly-button trick. And the face. You've got to do the face. "Save her or we all die." I thought I rushed it a bit, but... TRICKY: So you're telling us we're safe? DOCTOR: Ish. Apart from the monsters and the TARDIS reinventing the architecture every five minutes. Guys, don't worry, the countdown's a fake. Look, just give me just a second. I'll turn it off. (flicks switches) I only made it look as though the engine was actually exploding. (alarm goes off) Ah. (screen reads Engine Overload) That's not good. OK, don't panic, or maybe panic. CLARA: Something you want to share with the rest of us? DOCTOR: It appears the engine is damaged. We're in trouble, Clara. Proper trouble. It needs fixing or we're toast. (runs to the lower level) CLARA: So now would be a good time to use that big friendly button, right? CLARA, TRICKY and GREGOR run after him. DOCTOR: Yeah, sorry, I should have had one built in. He uses the sonic on one of the panels. TRICKY: Where are we going? The panel falls inward. DOCTOR: Detour. (kneels) The centre of the TARDIS. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR The DOCTOR leads the way with the sonic down a green-lit corridor. CLARA walks closely behind him followed by GREGOR and TRICKY. A shadow passes the corridor in front of them. CLARA: Shush! Something's in here. TRICKY: Those... things. They've followed us. CLARA: Doctor, what are they? What aren't you telling me? DOCTOR: Trust me. Some things you don't want to know. One of the creatures passes behind them. GREGOR: They're on the move again! DOCTOR: Run! Move, move! They run away. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR CLARA runs and stops when she realizes she's lost the others. CLARA: Doctor? (retraces her steps) Doctor? Again! CLARA continues on and stops at an intersection. She spins around, unable to decide which way to go. She looks down at her burned hand and the letters seem a little clearer. She looks up and sees herself stride down the corridor in front of her. CLARA 2: I know what I said. I was the one who said it. DOCTOR: (V.O.) You said it was looking at you funny. CLARA turns around to go the other way and sees herself. CLARA 2: Now you're creeping me out. CLARA can only stare. CLARA 2: Please tell me there's a button you can press to fix this? CLARA backs away and heads down another corridor. She gasps when she sees the DOCTOR. CLARA: Oh, thank God. Doctor, what's going on? (waves her hand when he doesn't acknowledge her) Say something. The DOCTOR walks up behind her. DOCTOR: Clara, stop. (points) Don't touch it. There's a rupture in time somewhere onboard the ship. A small tear in the fabric of the continuum. It must have happened when the TARDIS was pulled in by the salvage vessel. (takes her hand and pulls her along) The TARDIS is leaking. CLARA: Leaking what? DOCTOR: The past. You and me. Everything we've done, everything we've said. Recent history. It's not real, it's a memory. They stop when they see a creature in front of them. CLARA: (whispers) What about this? DOCTOR: (whispers) If you're giving me the option, I'd say, "This one's real." The DOCTOR pushes CLARA ahead of him as they run away. The creature chases them. DOCTOR: She's right onto us. CLARA: (stops) She? DOCTOR: Clara, don't ask me anymore. The DOCTOR yanks her by the hand and pulls her into a small niche to the side. They press themselves against the wall behind a girder as the creature pauses. On the opposite side, PAST DOCTOR and PAST CLARA walk down the corridor. PAST CLARA: You're like one of those guys who can't go out with a girl unless his mother approves. PAST DOCTOR: It's important to me you get along... The creature follows the past selves. The DOCTOR and CLARA step out from their hiding place. There is a groaning sound and the DOCTOR looks up at the ceiling. CLARA: What's that noise? DOCTOR: We're right under the primary fuel cells. CLARA: So? So? So what? DOCTOR: So... so the fuel has spilled out. So the rods will be exposed. Means they'll cool... CLARA: And start to warp. DOCTOR: And start to warp. Maybe even... CLARA: No. You don't say it. Don't you dare say it. DOCTOR: Maybe even break apart. A large rod shoots down at an angle directly in front of them. They back away. CLARA: Run? DOCTOR: I'm liking how you're thinking. CLARA: Yeah. They turn and run down the corridor behind them, ducking and dodging rods as they shoot through the walls. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR We hear a groan of pain and see that TRICKY has been impaled through his shoulder by one of the rods. GREGOR is trying to pull it free. TRICKY: Cut it off. Just cut my arm off. GREGOR: No! TRICKY: It's the quickest way to release me. No fear, no hate, no pain. I can get a new one. Disposable parts, just do it. It won't hurt me. GREGOR: Tricky, you don't understand. TRICKY: I'm an android. Cut me! CLARA and the DOCTOR find them. CLARA: You made it through. TRICKY: What's the matter with you? Why won't you cut me? The DOCTOR tries to help GREGOR. DOCTOR: Tell him. (lets go) TRICKY: Tell me what? DOCTOR: You can't, can you? You're a coward. You won't save him, but you're scared to tell him why. TRICKY: What's he going on about? DOCTOR: Robots don't need blast suits. They don't need respirators. They don't get frightened of monsters in the dark. TRICKY: What's he talking about? The DOCTOR shines the sonic in TRICKY'S eyes. DOCTOR: Two bionic eyes and a synthetic voice box. (puts a hand on TRICKY'S uninjured shoulder) But you, my friend, are human. Flesh and blood. TRICKY stares at GREGOR, hurt and lost. GREGOR: It was a joke. TRICKY: Wha...? GREGOR: It was just a stupid joke. We did it to relieve the boredom. DOCTOR: Well, it was very funny. They lied to you. Changed your identity. Just to provide some in-flight entertainment! GREGOR: I'm sorry. You're human, Tricky. DOCTOR: Cut the metal. Cut the metal! (claps his hands) Go! GREGOR picks up the laser and starts cutting the rod. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR The DOCTOR leads them down the hall. TRICKY staggers along at the back, his arm bandaged. The DOCTOR looks through the round window in the door. CLARA: Where are we? DOCTOR: Power source. Right, you lot, wait here. I'll check it's safe. We can only survive for a minute or two in there. CLARA: (taps the DOCTOR on the shoulder) Um...what happens if we stay longer? DOCTOR: Our cells will liquefy and our skin will start to burn. CLARA: I always feel so good after we've spoken. DOCTOR: Marvellous. Keep this door shut. (opens door) CLARA: That will not be a problem. The door closes behind him. INT. TARDIS, POWER ROOM The DOCTOR looks around and takes a few breaths as he gets his bearings in the heat-filled room. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR CLARA leans against the wall by the door. GREGOR is diagonally across the corridor from her and TRICKY is leaning against the wall and little ways down from CLARA. GREGOR holds the computer up and it scans CLARA. COMPUTER: Lancashire. Sass. GREGOR: Intelligent sensor. TRICKY: (angry) Ever pointed that thing at yourself, Gregor? What would it see? What sort of person does this to another human? Made them believe they're made of metal! (grabs GREGOR by the arm and turns him around) Who am I? GREGOR rips the patch off his sleeve and hands it to TRICKY. TRICKY looks at it and walks to the end of the hall. INT. TARDIS, POWER ROOM The DOCTOR runs across the catwalk to the far door while using his sonic. It unlocks and the DOCTOR tugs on it and it finally opens. He looks up. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR GREGOR: My mouthy little kid brother. TRICKY: (turns around) Why... why can't I remember? GREGOR: Salvage accident. There was a big explosion. You lost your sight, voice and your memory. TRICKY: And you... you thought of a way you could have some fun with me? (walks closer) I just wanted a brother beside me. GREGOR: You were always the smart one, Tricky. He wanted you to take over. He made you captain. TRICKY: He? GREGOR: Dad. TRICKY: I don't... remember him. INT. TARDIS, POWER ROOM The DOCTOR runs back across the catwalk. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR TRICKY: You did this to me, just to be captain of a heap of junk. TRICKY charges his brother but the DOCTOR arrives to push them apart. CLARA: Stop! DOCTOR: Tricky, listen to me. Ask yourself why he couldn't cut you up. He has just one tiny scrap of decency left in him. You just helped him find that, OK? Now you. Don't ever forget this. INT. TARDIS, POWER ROOM The DOCTOR holds the door open for the others. DOCTOR: OK, move, move, move. The others stop and look up as the DOCTOR moves along the rail. We see what powers the TARDIS. DOCTOR: The Eye of Harmony. Exploding star in the act of becoming a black hole. Time Lord engineering - you rip the star from its orbit, suspend it in a permanent state of decay. This way. (motions with his arm) Quickly. TRICKY and GREGOR follow the DOCTOR. GREGOR is helping his brother across. CLARA stares at the Eye of Harmony a little longer. The DOCTOR opens the far door and a creature is there waiting for them. GREGOR helps him close it. They run back to the other side and GREGOR opens the door and another creature is there. He slams it shut. GREGOR: There's no way out. We're trapped. The DOCTOR runs for the other door and CLARA confronts him. CLARA: You're going to tell me now! If we're going to die in here, tell me what they are. (grabs his arm) DOCTOR: I can't. CLARA: Tell me! What's the use in secrets now? DOCTOR: (grips her head) Secrets protect us. Secrets make us safe. CLARA: (pushes his hands away) We're not safe! GREGOR uses the scanner on one of the creatures as it pounds on the door. COMPUTER: Sensor detects animal DNA, human core element. Calculating data. Calculating data. The DOCTOR hears and runs over. DOCTOR: No, no. Turn it off! COMPUTER: Lancashire. Sass. Identifiable substance. Clara. The DOCTOR turns slowly to look at CLARA. GREGOR and TRICKY head back to the other door. CLARA: That's me. (takes a few steps towards the DOCTOR) DOCTOR: I'm so sorry. CLARA: (looks through the window) It's me. I burn in here. DOCTOR: It isn't just the past leaking out through the time rift. It's the future. Listen, (holds her face) I brought you here to keep you safe, but it happened again. You died again. CLARA: What do you mean, again? The DOCTOR runs a hand over his face and hair. One of the creatures has his hand fused to his face. The DOCTOR takes his hand from his face and stares at it. TRICKY and GREGOR stand side-by-side at the door. One of the creatures is made of two joined together at the side. DOCTOR: Hang on. As long as we interrupt the timeline, this can't happen. (runs to the other door and pushes the brother apart) Don't touch each other, otherwise the future will reassert itself. The DOCTOR pulls them to the centre of the catwalk as the creatures push through the door. One grabs GREGOR'S pack. The DOCTOR helps TRICKY. DOCTOR: Gregor! Gregor, let go of the circuit. TRICKY: Just let it go! DOCTOR: Gregor! TRICKY: Gregor! GREGOR slips out of the pack and backs away to the others. TRICKY takes a swing at the creature and it falls over the rail. They rush towards the door and pull away when the "double" creature appears at the door. They run towards the other and the last creature punches a hand through the window. They group in the middle of the catwalk. DOCTOR: OK. Er... er... TRICKY goes at the creature with a crowbar, When it's down low, he kicks it off the rail. It falls and TRICKY nearly falls off himself, holding onto the ledge. GREGOR goes to help him. GREGOR: Tricky! The DOCTOR and CLARA look back. DOCTOR: Don't touch him, or time will reassert itself. GREGOR helps TRICKY back onto the catwalk but they soon become fused together and turn into the creature. They come after the DOCTOR and CLARA who run out the other door and close it behind them. INT. TARDIS, CORRIDOR The DOCTOR sonics the lock on the door. DOCTOR: The engine room. The heart of the TARDIS. The DOCTOR takes CLARA by the hand and leads her through another door. INT. TARDIS, ENGINE ROOM They go through the door and nearly fall off a cliff ledge. CLARA: We're outside. DOCTOR: No, we're still in the TARDIS. CLARA: There's no way across. DOCTOR: No. OK, you're right. CLARA: So what do we do? Time for a plan. Do you have a plan? DOCTOR: Well, no. No plan, sorry. CLARA: If you don't have a plan, we're dead! DOCTOR: Yes, we are. So just tell me. CLARA: Tell you what? DOCTOR: Well, there's no point now, we're about to die, so just tell me who you are. CLARA: You know who I am. DOCTOR: No, I don't! I look at you every single day, and I don't understand a thing about you. Why do I keep running into you? (heads for the door) CLARA: Doctor, you invited me - you said... DOCTOR: (walks back) Before that. I met you in the Dalek Asylum. There was a girl in a shipwreck, and she died saving my life. And she was you. CLARA: She really wasn't. DOCTOR: Victorian London. There was a governess who was a barmaid, and we fought the Great Intelligence together, she died, and it was my fault - and she was you. CLARA: You're scaring me. DOCTOR: What are you, eh? Are you a trick, a trap? CLARA: I don't know what you're talking about. CLARA backs away from the DOCTOR and almost falls off the ledge. The DOCTOR grips her in a huge hug. She grips him back and gasps. DOCTOR: All right. All right. (ends the hug) You really don't, do you? CLARA: I think I'm more scared of you right now than anything else on that TARDIS. DOCTOR: You're just Clara, aren't you? The DOCTOR laughs as he touches CLARA'S face and pinches her cheeks. He takes her in another hug. CLARA: OK. I don't know what the hell this is about, but the hug is really nice. DOCTOR: (ends hug) We're not going to die here. This isn't real! It's a snarl. (throws a rock over the edge) CLARA: What? DOCTOR: What does a wounded animal do? It tries to scare everyone away. We're close to the engine. The TARDIS is snarling at us, trying to frighten us off. We need to jump. CLARA: You're insane. DOCTOR: We'll cross a portal to the engine. The DOCTOR claps his hands and he and CLARA back up to the door. CLARA: How can you be so sure? DOCTOR: Well, I can't. CLARA: OK, well, that's watertight. DOCTOR: (wags his finger at her) Hey, now, Clara, I've piloted this ship for over 900 years. Trust me this one time, please. (she arches an eyebrow at him) OK. OK. As well as all the other times. Ready? Geronimo. They run and leap off the cliff only to land in a white room. Suspended throughout the room are pieces of machinery. The DOCTOR and CLARA walk through it. DOCTOR: The heart of the TARDIS. The engine - it's already exploded. It must have been the collision with the salvage ship. CLARA: We're not dead. DOCTOR: She wrapped her hands around the force. Froze it. CLARA: So... so it's safe? DOCTOR: Temporary fix. Eventually, this whole place will erupt. There's no way I can save her now. She's just always been there for me, taken care of me. And now it's my turn and I don't know what to do. It... it just... CLARA comes up and takes the DOCTOR'S hand in hers. The DOCTOR feels the burns and looks at her palm. DOCTOR: (smiles) Oh, Clara. Oh. You are beautiful. The letters on CLARA'S hand spell out "Big Friendly Button". DOCTOR: (cups her face) Beautiful fragile human skin. (kisses her palm) Like parchment. Thank you. (takes out sonic) The rift in time. All the memories leaking out. I need to find the moment we crashed. I need to find... the music. (music fills the room) The DOCTOR takes CLARA by the hand and runs from the room. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM The DOCTOR and CLARA enter the console room using the sonic screwdriver to guide them. He spots a crack in the wall under the console and walks over to it. DOCTOR: The time rift. Recent past. Possible future. CLARA: What are you going to do? The DOCTOR has the remote for the magno-grab and uses the sonic to write on it. DOCTOR: Rewrite today, I hope. I've thrown this through the rift before. I need to make sure this time. Going to take it in there myself. There might be a certain amount of yelling. CLARA: It's going to hurt? DOCTOR: Things that end your life often do that. (heads for the rift) CLARA: Wait! All those things you said. How we've met before. How I died... DOCTOR: (walks back to CLARA) Clara, don't worry. You'll forget. Time mends us. It can mend anything. CLARA: I don't want to forget. Not all of it. The library. I saw it. You were mentioned in a book. DOCTOR: (pulls back a little) I'm mentioned in a lot of books. (starts back to the rift) CLARA: You call yourself Doctor. (he points at her) Why do you do that? You have a name. I've seen it. In one corner of that tiny... The DOCTOR hurries back and presses a finger to her lips. DOCTOR: If I rewrite today, you won't remember. You won't go looking for my name. CLARA: You'll still have secrets. DOCTOR: (gently pats her cheek) Better that way. The DOCTOR psychs himself up and then steps into the rift. He screams in agony before disappearing for CLARA'S view. INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM Sparks fly and the TARDIS lurches, throwing the DOCTOR and CLARA backwards. The DOCTOR makes his way back to the console. DOCTOR: Magnetic hobble-field. We're flying right into it. Clara, stay by me! CLARA: (grips side console) Please tell me there's a button you can press to fix this. DOCTOR: Oh, yes. Big friendly button. CLARA: You're lying. DOCTOR: Yep. CLARA: To stop me freaking out? DOCTOR: Is it working? CLARA: Not so much. The DOCTOR reaches through the rift and calls to his past self who has been knocked against the rail. DOCTOR: Doctor. Doctor. I'm from your future. We haven't got long. It's a reset dial. The DOCTOR dissipates into air and the device falls from his hand and rolls across the floor. CLARA picks it up and it burns her hand. DOCTOR: No! No! CLARA lets go of the device and the DOCTOR dives to catch it. He looks at the device and laughs as he reads it. DOCTOR: Big friendly button. The DOCTOR laughs and presses the button. The screen goes white. INT. SHIP, LIVING QUARTERS The TARDIS disappears from the screen. TRICKY: I don't get it. It was on screen, then it was gone. BRAM: Hey, robot, go get me some food, I'm starving. GREGOR: Oi, leave him alone. BRAM: What's the matter with you? GREGOR: Maybe I've just got a little tiny scrap of decency. BRAM scoffs and walks away. GREGOR claps TRICKY on the shoulder and leaves. TRICKY smiles. We see the photo from before but this is no longer ripped and includes TRICKY. EXT. SPACE The TARDIS spins through space INT. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM The DOCTOR is polishing the centre column as CLARA enters having changed and showered. She leans against the console. CLARA: I feel exhausted. I feel... DOCTOR: We've had two days crammed into the space of one? CLARA: Why would you say that? DOCTOR: (works controls) I don't know. I say stuff. Ignore me. (pauses) Do you feel safe? CLARA: Of course. DOCTOR: (spins to face her) Give me a number out of ten. Ten being whoo-hoo, one being aarrrggh! CLARA: You're being weird. DOCTOR: I need to know if you feel safe. I need to know... you're not afraid. CLARA: Of? DOCTOR: The future. Running away with a spaceman in a box. Anything could happen to you. CLARA: That's what I'm counting on. Push the button. (leaves) The DOCTOR smiles and tosses the cloth onto the console with a hook shot. He then pulls the dematerialization lever.	Plan: A: Clara; Q: Who discovers the TARDIS library? A: the TARDIS; Q: What is picked up by a salvage crew, knocking Clara into the depths of what? A: a lifetime; Q: How long does the Doctor promise the Van Baalen brothers to rescue Clara? A: The Doctor; Q: Who locks everyone in to save Clara? A: a molten creature; Q: What does Clara run from? A: the Doctor's real name; Q: What does Clara discover in the TARDIS library? A: the Van Baalens' "magno-grab; Q: What damage did the engine room of the TARDIS suffer? A: the Eye of Harmony; Q: What is the room that the Doctor and Clara were in that caused the molten zombies to be their future selves? A: no clue; Q: What does Clara know about her other lives? A: a remote control device; Q: What does the Doctor send to his past self? A: a different location; Q: Where does the Doctor send the TARDIS to? A: Clara's memories; Q: What does the Doctor erase? Summary: The TARDIS is picked up by a salvage crew, knocking Clara into the depths of the TARDIS. To rescue her, the Doctor promises the Van Baalen brothers the salvage of a lifetime. The Doctor locks everyone in to save Clara. Clara runs from a molten creature and discovers the TARDIS library, where she finds the Doctor's real name. Reunited, everyone races to the engine room, which is damaged by the Van Baalens' "magno-grab", and the Doctor reveals the molten zombies are their future selves, the result of staying too long in the room housing the Eye of Harmony. The Doctor and Clara arrive in the engine room, where he confronts her about her other lives; Clara has no clue about her other lives, making the Doctor happy to know she's not the one responsible. Clara asks the Doctor about his name. The Doctor sends a remote control device to his past self through a time fissure so the earlier Doctor can send the TARDIS to a different location just as the Van Baalens detected it, which rewrites the moment the Van Baalens pick up and damage the TARDIS and erases Clara's memories.
[EXT. (PHILADELPHIA) STAIRS TO BUILDING - NIGHT -- FLASHBACK] (Snow falls on a young man begging for his life.) Alvarez: You got the wrong guy, man. I didn't do it. I didn't do it, man. CU: GUN (The shooter cocks the gun.) (Alvarez cries.) (The shooter fires the gun at Alvarez. Alvarez gets up and tries to get away.) (A second shot is fired.) (Alvarez gets to his feet and grabs the shooter.) (A third shot is fired point blank into Alvarez's chest.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. (PHILADELPHIA) SIDEWALK - NIGHT - FLASHBACK] (A man with bloodied hands carries the gun down the sidewalk. Keppler slows when someone comes down the building's front steps.) (The young woman stops in front of him.) (She reaches down for his hand. She places his hand on her chest.) Amy McCarty: (echoy) I love you, Mikey. (A bright white light shines down on them. She removes her hands from his and Keppler takes her heart out of the opening in her chest.) (He looks at her beating heart in the palm of his hand. He looks at her.) (TOP VIEW DOWN: on Keppler and Amy. They're both standing in the middle of the busy sidewalk.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. - DAY] (Keppler wakes up. Sirens wail in the distance. Keppler is panting and sweaty. He sits up and we see an open bottle of liquor on the coffee table next to a glass.) (Keppler cries.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. DINER - MORNING] (Keppler pushes his empty plate away from him and picks up his cup of coffee.) Wendy Simms: (o.s.) That is what I love about this town. (Keppler turns around and sees Wendy standing behind him, paying her bill at the register.) Wendy Simms: They've got good Eggs Benedict 24 hours a day. Keppler: Just getting off shift? Wendy Simms: No, I'm going in early. (to cashier) Thank you. (to Keppler) Do you ever eat dinner? Keppler: You're looking at it. Wendy Simms: Okay, I'll see you at the lab. Bye. (Wendy leaves. Keppler turns to the waitress behind the counter.) Keppler: Can I get a check please? Waitress: (points) That guy over there already paid and tipped. Says he's your friend. (Keppler turns and sees a white-haired man sitting in a booth. The man waves to him.) (Keppler stands up and heads over to the man.) Frank McCarty: How's it going, Mike? Keppler: What are you doing here, Frank? Frank McCarty: What do you want me to do? You don't return my calls. Keppler: I tried calling you, but I've been, uh ... busy. Frank McCarty: You didn't make it to Amy's memorial mass. Keppler: Yeah, I know. I got the card from Father Anthony. Couldn't get away this year. Frank McCarty: It's okay. Dennis Graves and I decided to come to Vegas for a few days, blow off some steam. You like standing? Sit down. Keppler: I can't. Look, Frank, I got to run. We'll get dinner later in the week, all right? I'll call you. (Keppler turns to leave. Frank stands up.) Frank McCarty: Mike. Listen, I, uh ... I'm in a bit of a fix; I need you to do me a favor. Keppler: I can't do it this time. Okay? Don't ask me to do it, Frank. I -- Things are just starting to ... Frank McCarty: Hey. What are you getting so excited about? I didn't say anything. Keppler: I'm just getting the lay of the land here, you know? Trying to move on. Frank McCarty: I got it, bad timing. Keppler: You all right? Frank McCarty: Don't you worry about it. I'll sort it out. (Frank turns and heads back to his seat. Keppler doesn't like it one bit. He turns and hurries out of the diner.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - HALLWAY/ ROOM - DAY] (The elevator bell dings and the doors open. Keppler steps out and finds Nick in the hallway waiting for him.) Nick: Looks like it's you and me again, Hoss. (Nick turns and heads down the hallway toward the room. Keppler follows him.) Keppler: You got a problem with that? Nick: No, no, I like your style. It's just the whole suit thing you got to work on a little bit. (They enter the room.) Keppler: Yeah, yeah, what do we got? Nick: Two gunshot victims. Male, two shots in the chest. Female shot in the back, and her hand is missing. (They enter the bedroom and find a man dead on the bed and the woman dead on the floor. Keppler puts his kit down.) Nick: Why take just one hand? Keppler: Maybe there was something on it he wanted. (He puts on his gloves and looks through the open suitcase.) Keppler: Boxer shorts, socks. I'm guessing this is his. You see another suitcase? (Nick looks around the room and finds something on the floor.) Nick: No, no, I did not. Keppler: Looks like she was just visiting. (Nick picks up an empty shell casing.) Nick: .45 automatic. (Keppler opens the closet doors.) Keppler: No purse ... no valuables. (Keppler closes the closet door.) Keppler: Did you see a safe? (Nick looks for a safe.) Nick: No. (He opens the closet door and finds shirts hanging inside.) Nick: No, no safe in here. Keppler: Looks like a robbery. Nick: Hey, this guy has a bunch of law enforcement logo shirts hanging up in here. Check the bible drawer. (Keppler checks the bedside drawer. He finds a bible and a gun. The embossing on the leather has T.P.D. on it. He doesn't like the looks of it. He pushes the bedcovers away from the dead man's face to see who it is.) (Nick walks out.) Nick: Anything? (Keppler hands the gun to Nick.) Nick: Nine-millimeter service pistol? (Nick notices the embossing.) Nick: Stamped "T.P.D." Could be any city starting with T. (Keppler looks at the dead man's face again. This time, we see definite recognition from Keppler.) Niki: I didn't find any nine-millimeter casing, so this weapon was never fired. Brass: The room is registered to a Dennis Graves, Trenton, New Jersey. He's a cop, Trenton PD. (to Keppler) Hey, you're from Trenton. Do you know him? Keppler: No. Who found them? Brass: His buddy, Frank McCarty. (Brass steps aside. In the hallway, Keppler sees Frank McCarty talking with an officer.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Brass talks with Frank McCarty.) Brass: So what were you two guys doing in Vegas? Frank McCarty: Playing a little golf, indulging in the buffets. (Keppler listens to the interview. David Phillips wheels the body out of the room.) Brass: Is that all you indulged in? Frank McCarty: We were down in the bar, Dennis picked up a date. Brass: Is she the date? Frank McCarty: (nods) Yeah. I didn't get a name. Anyway, they went upstairs, I played a little blackjack. (Off to the side, Keppler looks at the items on the dinner cart.) Brass: Then what? Frank McCarty: Then, I pulled some strings and got us a tee time at the Wynn. Dennis didn't answer his phone. I figured he was busy going around the world. After a while, I ... I knew something was wrong. I got hotel security to open the door. Brass: Excuse me. Yeah? Officer Mitchell: Captain, we got press all over the place. Brass: Can you stick around? I'll be right back. Frank McCarty: Yeah, sure. Brass: Okay. (Brass and Officer Mitchell leave the hallway. Frank is left alone with Keppler.) Keppler: Mr. McCarty? If you don't mind. (Frank turns around. Keppler points to the fingerprint kit he has set up on the table.) Keppler: (whispers) You want to tell me what I'm seeing here, Frank? Frank McCarty: Could be anything. Pimp went off on his whore. Robbery gone bad. It's a dangerous town. (Keppler nods. The elevator doors at the end of the hallway ding and open. Catherine steps out.) Keppler: Have a seat. Frank McCarty: Yeah. (Keppler turns to join Catherine.) Catherine: Heard we have a dead out-of-town cop. Keppler: Yeah, Detective Dennis Graves, Trenton PD. Catherine: Trenton? Keppler: Yeah. (Catherine and Keppler step into the bedroom where David is taking the body's liver temperature.) Catherine: David, you got the TOD? David Phillips: About four hours ago. Keppler: Male was shot twice, both frontal. David Phillips: No exits. Keppler: The girl was shot once in the back. Catherine: Did you find the hand? Keppler: (shrugs) I'm guessing the killer's got it, along with the rest of their valuables. (Nick is sealing up something in an evidence bag.) Nick: Hey, Catherine, check this out. I've got an uncapped bottle of mouthwash here. Catherine: Probably come back to the hooker. Nick: Yeah, but I've got something else, and this is good. (Nick and Catherine disappear into the bathroom. Keppler follows.) (Nick pushes the shower curtain aside.) Nick: There are quite a few long, light-colored hairs snagged in the soap dish right there. Not a match to either victim. Keppler: Sloppy housekeeping? Nick: I doubt the maid would miss this. What appears to be high heel shoe impressions -- I checked, again, no match to the working girl. Catherine: Bath towels haven't been used. Keppler: So who was in the tub with her shoes on? Nick: Hey, Keppler. Do me a favor. Go over by the body, will you? (Keppler heads over to the body. Nick peers through the shower glass and has a nice view of Keppler.) Keppler: Yeah? Nick: I can see you; can you see me? Keppler: Yep. Nick: What about if I get low? (Nick ducks below the shower glass.) Keppler: Not anymore. Catherine: So either she was lying in wait ... Nick: Or an eyewitness tried to hide from a killer. (Quick flashback to: There's a woman hiding in the shower. End of flashback.) Catherine: Let's pull the elevator surveillance. (She looks at Keppler.) Maybe we can find a blonde who got off on this floor. FLASH TO: [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - RECEPTION / HALLWAY - NIGHT] (Judy sees Grissom.) Judy: Welcome back, Dr. Grissom. Grissom: It's good to be back, Judy. (Grissom continues through the hallway.) Hodges: There are no words to describe how glad I am you're back. (Grissom turns and finds Hodges standing in one of the doorways.) Grissom: But I'm sure you'll find some. Hodges: The lab almost went to hell in a handbag while you were sabbaticalling. I'm sure you talked to Catherine, but just in case you didn't ... lot of hurt feelings, so in case you talk to Nick ... Grissom: I'd rather hear it from Catherine, thanks. (Grissom turns and heads for his office. Hodges stops him.) Hodges: Fair enough, but, uh, permit me to say that the "Seasonal Behaviors of the Walden Pond Swamp Mosquito" was an incredibly stimulating seminar. Grissom: And you know this how? Hodges: I took your course online. It's free to alumni. Grissom: Oh, you're Spanky. Hodges: (nods) Seven-four-three. I aced the final, didn't I? (Grissom nods non-committally and doesn't say anything. He turns and heads for his office.) [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Grissom walks in and looks at the stack of mail on his desk - including the large, unopened box.) (He sighs and shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT] (Robbins goes over the body with Keppler and Nick.) Robbins: Post-mortem tool marks to the left wrist. No vital reactions from the tissue. Cuts are scalloped, definitely a serrated blade. Not a bad job. Keppler: Anything to help us identify her? Robbins: David printed the right hand. No hits on AFIS. Lucky for you, like many young ladies her age, she had some surgical work done. Feel these. (Robbins hands the silicone implants to Nick.) Robbins: What do you think? Nick: Implants. Kind of big for my taste, really. (Robbins points to the bottom of the body.) Robbins: The other end. (Oh!) Nick: Oh, they're for the butt? Keppler: Implants are serialized. We can get an ID from those. (Keppler notices a metal bowl on the counter.) Nick: You know, I spent twelve hours on a court bench last week. I could have used a pair of these bad boys. (Keppler walks over to the bowl and looks at the bullet inside.) Keppler: What about COD? Robbins: Single gunshot to the back, just to the right of the spinal column. Bullet severed the aorta, lodged inside the sternum. (Keppler picks up the bullet and puts it in a bindle.) Keppler: And the cop? (Robbins picks up the evidence envelope.) Robbins: I removed these from Detective Graves. Large caliber, too. (He grabs the envelope from Robbins' grip.) Keppler: I'll get those to Ballistics. (Keppler opens the door.) Nick: Okay, so I'll run the serials? Keppler: Yeah. (Keppler leaves. Nick looks at Robbins.) Nick: I am an ass man. (He chuckles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Keppler walks through the hallway.) Grissom: (o.s.) Michael Keppler. (He stops as Grissom walks up to him.) Grissom: Hi, Gil Grissom. (They shake hands.) How's everybody been treating you? Keppler: No complaints; you've got a great team. (Keppler has the evidence bindles in his hands. He tucks his hands behind his back) Grissom: Yeah, thanks. Does Ecklie still have you slotted for days? Keppler: As far as I know. (Keppler brings his hands in front of him. Grissom can't help but notices the bindles.) Grissom: I hear you're working the double homicide at the Olympia. What have you got? Keppler: Oh, it's uh, bullets from Doc Robbins. I was going to run them through IBIS. Grissom: The dead cop was from your hometown, huh? Keppler: Yeah. Retired. Grissom: Did you know him? Keppler: (avoids) You know how many retired cops there are in Trenton? (Grissom shrugs.) Keppler: Well, it's great to finally meet you. (He shakes Grissom's hand again.) Grissom: Same. (Keppler turns and leaves. We hold on Grissom as he watches Keppler go.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MCCARTY RESIDENCE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT -- FLASHBACK] (Keppler sits at Frank McCarty's dining room table along with his daughter, Amy. It's set for dinner. Amy turns to Keppler.) Amy McCarty: I love you, Mikey. (Keppler looks across the table at Frank. Frank smiles at him and sips from his wine glass.) (Keppler brings the knife down to cut the roast. As he cuts, the roast bleeds.) (He looks up and Amy is gone.) ABRUPT CUT TO: [INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT -- FLASHBACK] (Keppler stands at the end of the hallway. He makes his way toward the open door at the end.) (CAMERA ZOOMS from Keppler - ZOOMS through the hallway - ZOOMS toward the open door.) (The door slams shut.) END OF FLASHBACK ANGLE -- KEPPLER (Keppler sits on a hallway chair. He's lost in his thoughts.) Wendy Simms: (o.s.) Hey. (Keppler looks up.) Keppler: Hey. [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT] Wendy Simms: I said, "How do you feel about butt implants?" Keppler: You don't need them? Wendy Simms: Thank you. I wasn't really talking about me, but ... Keppler: Oh, right. Sorry. You got something on the dead cop case? Wendy Simms: The blond hair from the tub does match the saliva left in the mouthwash bottle. And it's female, but not from the dead hooker with the big back seat. Keppler: Second female in the room uses mouthwash. More than likely another hooker. Looks like we got a witness. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - NIGHT] (Frank McCarty sips from his cup as he talks with Brass.) Frank McCarty: Dennis should've lived long enough to spoil his grandkids. He was a good man, good cop. Brass: Good enough to spot a hooker when he saw one? Frank McCarty: You don't have to be a cop to have that radar. Brass: So tell me about Dennis. Did he major in French? Maybe liked ménage a trois? You know, two's company, three's a party? 'Cause there was another girl in the room with him. Frank McCarty: Really? Brass: (nods) Mm-hmm. I only saw him leave with one girl. So as far as you know, there wasn't a blond in there with him? (chuckling): Frank McCarty: Dennis? (chuckles) He could barely handle one. Besides, he was a little tight with the buck. (Brass nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. EVANS RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY] (Officer Metcalf talks while Warrick gathers evidence.) Officer Metcalf: I'm looking at the over-under in the Suns game. What do you think? Warrick: I don't bet sports anymore. Officer Metcalf: Not what I hear. According to Stokes, you're at the top of your game. Well, why don't you get your picks from him with his fat Texas mouth. I'd take the over. (The door closes. Warrick looks up and sees Grissom standing there with his kit.) Grissom: Hey. Want some help? Warrick: Welcome back. Grissom: What do you got? Warrick: Well, I'm just following a lead off some serialized butt implants. Grissom: I missed Las Vegas. (Warrick laughs.) Warrick: What are you doing here? Grissom: I'm avoiding the paperwork and mail that's piled up on my desk. (Grissom puts his kit down and puts on some gloves.) Warrick: Well ... we got a, uh, dead prostitute's apartment. It's obvious that it's been ransacked and robbed. I'm thinking that she was the target of the double and the cop was collateral. Grissom: Where would you like me to start? Warrick: You can hit the dinette. I haven't taken that yet. Unless you're avoiding her paperwork, too. There's a lot of it. (Grissom picks up the mail on the table for: COURTNEY EVANS 1637 DUNCANSON AVE. LAS VEGAS, NV 89115 ) Grissom: Well, she was past due on her electric bill. But seems to have paid her telephone bill on time. Warrick: Telephone. Hooker's lifeline. (Warrick takes a print lift off the phone.) Warrick: I'm telling you, whoever hit this place left a lot of prints. Grissom: I, uh, heard there was some friction in the lab while I was gone. Warrick: You ever hear of "reverse forensics"? (Grissom looks at Warrick.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Keppler walks in through reception. He looks up and sees Frank McCarty leave Brass's office. He walks right past Frank McCarty and heads down the hall.) (Frank McCarty heads in the opposite direction. He takes his phone out and dials.) (Keppler's phone rings. He answers it.) Keppler: (to phone) Keppler. Frank McCarty: (from phone) There was someone else in that hotel room. Keppler: (to phone) I know. Frank McCarty: I need a name. (Keppler slips into a room.) Keppler: I don't have one. (Behind Keppler, Nick appears in the doorway to the back of the room. He sees Keppler on the phone inside.) Frank McCarty: (from phone) Don't let me down, kid. You got to help me here; I'm counting on you. (Keppler hangs up and stares out in front of him.) Nick: You okay? (Keppler turns around and looks at Nick.) Keppler: Yeah. (He closes his phone. Nick steps into the room to share what he's learned.) Nick: Well, I tracked down the plastic surgeon that augmented Courtney Evans' glutes. Probably the only implants ever paid for in cash by, get this ... her pimp, a guy named Eric Hong, aka ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Keppler and Nick interview Precious Ricky.) Keppler: "Precious Ricky," huh? Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: Yeah, that's what my mama calls me. Precious "Licky." (He chuckles.) (Nick shows him a morgue photo of Courtney Evans.) Nick: Is she one of yours? Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: No, ain't seen her before. Nick: You bought her butt cheek implants. Is that something you normally do for girls you don't know? Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: Oh, see, that's the problem. You're showing me the wrong end. Nick: Okay. So, then she is one of yours, right? Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: Hey, I run an escort service. Strictly legal. Nick: I'm sure it is. So what did she do, Precious? She make you mad? Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: No. No, I don't get mad, man. I'm blissed out. I'm a Buddhist. I let the anger flow right through me. Sentient beings are numberless, and I vow to save them. (He slides the photo back across the table toward Nick.) Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: I didn't do nothing to her. Nick: Nothing? Like cut off her hand, and you kill the cop she was with? Keppler: We know Courtney was with a blond last night. Long hair. You got anyone who matches that description? Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: Jenny, Coco, Lani ... April, May and June, too. But you know what? (jokes) The cuffs don't always match the collars, you know what I ... (Keppler moves swiftly. He grabs Ricky's head and slams him down onto the table.) Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: Ugh! (Keppler holds him there.) Keppler: Now, look, Ricky, maybe you're a nice guy, maybe you're not, but right now I really don't care, because I think you're lying to me. And that could go very badly for you. (Ricky lifts his head and looks at Keppler.) Keppler: Do you understand what I'm saying? (Keppler lets Ricky go.) Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: Okay, okay. They were all on the clock last night. It was a bachelor party. (Nick watches as Keppler straightens his jacket.) (There's a knock at the door before it opens. Sofia looks in.) Sofia: Nick, Mike, can you step out a minute? (Keppler and Nick step outside.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Sofia fills Keppler and Nick in. She indicates the young woman sitting in the hallway holding a baby.) Sofia: Miss McFarland is a babysitter, of sorts. I wouldn't leave her with my cat. I think she likes the pipe. She claims that that baby belongs to Courtney Evans. Nick: She had a baby? Damn. Sofia: I'm going to call Child Services. (Sofia leaves.) Nick: Yeah. (Nick and Keppler walk over to Dorothy McFarland.) Nick: Ma'am, I'm Nick Stokes; this is Mike Keppler. We're with the Crime Lab. You mind if we ask you a few questions? Dorothy McFarland: (interrupts) Um, look, Courtney was supposed to come in the morning to pick up Lila, okay. I got to work. You know, real work. Okay, look, my own problems, okay? Otherwise, I would have taken her myself, but, um, I ain't in no shape, okay? So, uh, you can find her a family, right? Nick: What about the father? Dorothy McFarland: I don't know. I heard he was in prison or something like that. I ain't never seen him. Keppler: When she left the baby with you, was Courtney with anyone? A friend maybe? Dorothy McFarland: No, no, she ain't got no friends. Keppler: What about enemies? Dorothy McFarland: You know what? I can't take this. Mm-mm, please take her. Thank you. (She deposits the baby in Nick's arms.) Dorothy McFarland: Please. (She backs away and starts leaving.) Nick: (to the officer) Go with her. Dorothy McFarland: I got to go. (Dorothy and the officer leave. Nick looks at Lila.) Nick: Oh. Looks like we have another victim, huh? (Keppler doesn't like the looks of this. He leaves Nick with the baby.) Nick: (to Lila) It's gonna be okay, baby. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CASINO -- DAY] (Keppler walks across the floor and over to Frank McCarty, who is at a poker machine.) Keppler: We got to talk, Frank. (Keppler sits next to him.) Frank McCarty: Hold on, hold on, I'm on a streak here. Now, do I keep the ace or draw the inside straight? I'm gonna draw to the straight. Keppler: She had a kid. Frank McCarty: Oh, God. Keppler: Why don't you tell me about the hand? Frank McCarty: Why? She scratched me, Mike. (He shows Keppler the blood on his shirt coming from a wound on the inside.) Frank McCarty: Come on, what was I supposed to do? I couldn't take the chance that one of your guys would find my DNA under her nails. Keppler: Why, Frank? Frank McCarty: You know why. Keppler: That was a long time ago; Dennis never said a word. Frank McCarty: Yeah, but he was going to. He was about to be indicted. Wife, three kids. There was no way he was doing time. He was going down, Mikey, and he was taking us with him. Keppler: He was a cop, Frank. Frank McCarty: Yeah. Keppler: You taught me that. You don't do that, not even to save your own ass. Frank McCarty: Yeah? What about yours? (to the bartender) Hey! Give me another vodka and tonic. And give my boy here a scotch. Neat, right? Make it a double. We got to loosen him up. (Frank chuckles.) Frank McCarty: Look at her. Just like catnip. (Keppler turns and looks at Frank.) Frank McCarty: Don't look at me like that, Mike. We did the right thing, all of us. But do you think the grand jury's gonna see it like that? They're gonna see a white cop turned "Dirty Harry" goes across the river to take out some Puerto Rican drug dealer. Shoots him in the back. They don't understand. Every time we take one step outside the box for public safety, they nail our asses to the wall. Keppler: Sit down, Frank. Frank McCarty: Hey, Mikey, there's no turning back. You did the right thing. If you hadn't taken care of that evidence ... Keppler: Keep your voice down, all right? Frank McCarty: Come on, I need some help here. Or you're gonna lose everything. And that isn't what Amy would have wanted. She loved you. Keppler: Don't do that. Frank McCarty: What? Keppler: Don't bring her into this. Frank McCarty: You think you're the only one who cared for her? I was her father, Mikey. Don't ever forget that. (The bartender appears with the drinks. She leaves.) Frank McCarty: I would've killed that scumbag who raped her with these bare hands, but you got to him first. INSERT: FLASHBACK of the kid in the teaser. Keppler shoots the kid. Frank McCarty: I love you for that. Yeah, I made compromises for you. You wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for me. Keppler: Yeah. Yeah. You're out of line, Frank. (Keppler stands up. McCarty puts a hand on his shirt to stop him. He grins at Keppler.) Frank McCarty: Hey, Mikey, there is no statute of limitations for murder. The kid you shot, his mother's still crying. And I got the gun ... with your prints and his blood on it. (Frank sits down.) Frank McCarty: (smugly) You go down now, you take every case you ever worked on with you. Trenton, Philly, Baltimore, Vegas. All those killers go free. All on your hands. So, pin it on the blond in the bathroom or the pimp. Just do it, I don't care how, just do it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Warrick talks with PJ Turner.) (PJ Turner sniffs and pushes the photo back toward Warrick.) PJ Turner: I don't even know Courtney what's-her-name. Warrick: So how is it that your prints ended up all over her apartment? PJ Turner: I've never been to her apartment. Warrick: Did I mention she was dead? PJ Turner: What? Yo, I don't even know no dead person. Warrick: PJ, you know what I think? I think you killed her. You took her purse, went to her apartment and stole all her stuff. PJ Turner: No, no, no. I didn't kill nobody. Warrick: Well, she's dead. And so is the cop she was with. That's the death penalty. PJ Turner: Here's what happened -- I swear, this-- this is the truth. (Quick flashback to: PJ Turner is going through the trash.) PJ Turner: I was minding my own business. I was checking out the dumpsters behind, behind the Strip, and lo and behold, I find this lady's purse. (He finds the purse and opens it.) BACK TO SCENE. Warrick: Right there in the dumpster? PJ Turner: Yeah, like pennies from heaven. INTERCUT WITH: [OBSERVATION ROOM] (Catherine watches the interview.) PJ Turner: It had a wallet, it had keys, it had a cell phone. So I checked for her license, I got her address and went to her house. I was going to return the purse, I swear. Warrick: Oh, like a Good Samaritan? PJ Turner: Yeah, but, when I got here, no one was there. Warrick: So what'd you do? PJ Turner: I used the key. I was going to leave the purse inside. Warrick: But you didn't do that, did you? PJ Turner: I might have taken a couple of things. Warrick: Where was the dumpster? PJ Turner: Behind the Palermo. (Catherine's phone rings.) Warrick: Behind the Palermo. (She answers it.) Catherine: This is Catherine. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CAR (TRAVELING) - DAY] (Keppler is driving and is on the phone.) Keppler: Catherine, it's Mike. Catherine: Mike. Where have you been? Keppler: I had to take care of something. How's it going? Any ID on the blonde yet? Catherine: No, but we got some info from the deadbeat who burgled the hooker's apartment. Claims he found her purse in a dumpster behind the Palermo. Keppler: I'm just off the Strip now; I'll take care of it for you. Catherine: Mike, are you okay? Keppler: Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'll see you in a little bit. (Catherine hangs up.) [EXT. STREET - DAY] (Keppler turns the car around and heads back in the direction he came from.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PALERMO - DAY] (Mike is going through the trash in the dumpster. He finds something wrapped in a cloth.) (He unwraps the missing hand.) FADE OUT TO: [EXT. SNOWY NIGHT (FLASHBACK)] (Keppler is shaken as he hugs Frank McCarty. He then puts the bloodied gun in a bag McCarty holds open for him.) (REWIND: Keppler walks backward - away from McCarty.) END OF FLASHBACK. [INT. KEPPLER'S APARTMENT - SHOWER] (Keppler is in the shower. His head on his arm up against the wall.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / LOCKER ROOM] (Catherine walks through the hallway. She turns and sees a gun on the locker room bench.) (Keppler steps out into view. He's dressed, his hair damp.) Catherine: Hey, Mike. Keppler: Hey. Catherine: Did you get anything from the dumpster? (Keppler puts his shirt on.) Keppler: Yeah ... a bad smell. Catherine: So ... Ecklie wants you on days now that Grissom's back, but ... I could talk to them, get you to stay with us. Keppler: Oh, I'm sure you guys will do just fine without me. Catherine: Yeah, usually transfers don't fit in, but ... think about it. (Catherine heads out of the locker room. Keppler stops her.) Keppler: Catherine. (She steps back inside.) Keppler: Thanks. (Catherine leaves. Keppler watches her go.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY & A/V LAB- DAY] (Keppler is walking through the hallway when he sees Archie and Nick in the A/V Lab. They're working on the security video. Nick turns and sees Keppler.) Nick: Keppler. Archie found the mystery blonde. Before she was in Dennis Graves' room, she was with that cop, Frank McCarty. (The video shows Frank McCarty with Suzy Gibbons in the elevator.) Nick: They got on in the lobby, got off on 11-around the time McCarty said Dennis picked up his hooker. Hey, he never mentioned he had company, and he knew we were looking for another hooker. Now I'm starting to think we're looking at a dirty cop. Keppler: Who knows about this? Nick: PD's about to. I'm calling them right now. Archie: You'd think a cop would know he's on camera, huh? (Keppler leaves without another word.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. HOTEL - HALLWAY TO MCCARTY'S ROOM - DAY] (Sofia, Nick, Keppler and some officers head for McCarty's hotel room.) Sofia: McCarty's phone keeps going to voice mail. And, according to the receptionist, he didn't check out. (They reach the door. Sofia knocks.) Sofia: LVPD. Open up. (There's no answer.) Keppler: Give me the card. (The officer on the side gives Keppler the card key. Keppler unlocks the door. He opens it and walks in.) (There's no one in the room. On the bed is a paper package. Sofia uses the muzzle of her gun to turn the package. Nick uses a glove and takes out a plastic bag with a bloodied gun inside.) (Keppler looks at the gun.) [EXT. - NIGHT] (The kid is crying.) (Someone points the gun at the kid.) kid: I didn't do it ... I didn't do it, man. Come on, man; I didn't do it. You got the wrong guy, man. (Camera whirls around on the shooter and its -- ANGLE - FRANK MCCARTY (He's pointing the gun down at Dennis Graves, who is in his underwear and sitting on the bed. He shoots Dennis first. Then he points the gun at Courtney Evans, who is trying to get away.) Courtney Evans: No! (He shoots her in the back. She falls on the floor.) BACK TO SCENE. (Nick and Sofia are looking at the gun in the bag.) Sofia: It's a .45 auto. (Nick holds the bag up.) Nick: Same caliber as the gun that killed the cop and the hooker. Sofia: With blood stains. Nick: This-this is practically gift-wrapped. If the guy wants to get caught so bad, just confess, make it easy on all of us. I can't wait to get this back to Ballistics. I'll see you. (Nick leaves with the gun. Sofia looks at Keppler.) Keppler: I'll finish up here. (Sofia turns and leaves the room. Keppler sits on the bed and takes his phone out. He dials.) Frank McCarty: (voice message) You've reached Frank. Leave me a message after the tone. (Keppler closes his phone.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Sara is walking through the hallway. She's wearing the blue jumpsuit and has smudges on her face.) (Grissom rushes out of the office when he sees her.) Grissom: Sara. (Sara turns around. Grissom takes his glasses off.) Sara: Hey. You're back. Grissom: Yeah. (Grissom takes a step toward her. Sara takes a step back. She holds up her evidence packages to defend herself.) Sara: Uh, I've -- I've been out at a, um ... I've been at ... Grissom: A garbage dump? (Grissom continues to advance. Sara continues to back away.) Sara: (smiles) Yeah. It's so obvious, isn't it? Nice, um ... You look good. (She nods and continues to back away from Grissom, who continues to walk toward her.) Grissom: Did you, uh, put the cocoon in my office? Sara: Cool, dry, not a lot of light. It seemed like the right place for it. Grissom: I think you're going to be surprised when it hatches. Sara: I have no doubt. (Grissom stops.) I'm gonna ... go clean up now. (Sara turns and heads off.) Grissom: I'll see you later. (She stops and looks at him.) Sara: Yeah, you will. (Sara leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - DAY] (Archie goes over the security video footage with Keppler.) Archie: McCarty's mystery blonde knew the dead hooker. Keppler: How do you know that? Archie: Check out the time code. Keppler: 1:10. Archie: We recovered the hooker's cell phone, thanks to a dumpster diver. These are all her voice mails, the last couple hours before she died. At the same time the blond was making this call, Courtney Evans received a voice mail. So, I synched up the audio to the video. (Archie plays the footage with sound. Keppler steps closer to the monitor.) Suzy Gibbons: Yeah, Courty, it's me, Suzy Q. Got your message. What, are you too busy to answer me back? Uh, so anyway, I just left my guy. Eh, it went all right. Usual "Call me Daddy" crap. (She laughs) Suzy Gibbons: You know, he actually wanted me to whimper. Whatever. He kept calling me "Amy." INSERT: FLASHBACK (Keppler is walking down a long dark hallway. He hears a woman whimpering.) Keppler: (v.o., whisper) Amy? (At the end of the hallway is an open door.) (CAMERA ZOOMS toward the door and - -- the door SLAMS shut on him.) BACK TO SCENE. (We hold on Keppler watching the security video of Suzy Q on the phone. Suzy Gibbons: (to phone) ... that three-way ... I don't know, I don't know. I think I'm gonna have to -- Catherine: Do we have an ID on the blonde? (Keppler turns and sees Catherine inside the lab.) Keppler: Just now. Catherine: I just finished running names off Courtney Evans' incoming calls. Archie: Yeah? Well, we're looking for Suzy Gibbons. Catherine: Here it is. Priors for prostitution and a last known. Keppler: Can I see that? (He looks at Suzy Gibbons' mug shot.) Archie: She knew the vic. She's the blonde in the bathtub. Catherine: Well, if we can find Suzy, so can a retired cop. He needs her dead. Keppler: If she's dumb enough to hide out in her own house, she already is. (Keppler turns and leaves the room.) Catherine: Mike? Mike, where are you going?! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Nick snaps images of a clear print into the digital camera hooked up to the computer. He scans the print and runs it through the database.) (Nick swabs the blood off the gun.) (He gets a match.) MICHAEL KEPPLER BADGE # 8590 AGE: 40 HEIGHT: 6'3" WEIGHT: 175 LBS EYES: BLUE RACE: CAUCASIAN s*x: MALE HAIR: BROWN ADDRESS: LAS VEGAS CRIME LAB 3057 WESTFALL AVE. LAS VEGAS, NV 89156 Law Enforcement Personnel: ACCESS RESTRICTED (We hold on Nick.) [SCENE_BREAK] [CU: BEDROOM DOOR -- FLASHBACK] KEPPLER'S POV: He approaches the door that's ajar and enters the bedroom. (Keppler stops outside the door and sees a girl on the bed. He pushes the door open.) Keppler: Amy? (Amy McCarty is in bed. There's a man sitting on the edge of the bed. Frank McCarty walks around the bed. Keppler steps toward Amy.) Amy McCarty: Daddy said never tell you. (He looks and sees the blood on her wrists.) END OF FLASHBACK [INT. CAR (STOPPED) - DAY] (Keppler is in his car and stopped at the light on the street. Car horns beep for him to go at the green light. Keppler drives.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Nick shares his findings with Catherine.) Catherine: Why would McCarty have a bloody gun with Keppler's prints on it, in his hotel room? Nick: Doesn't make any sense. Catherine: No. Could Mike have touched it when he found it? Nick: No, no way. I was right there. Besides, the blood was already dry. You don't leave fingerprints in dried blood. I compared the .45 ammo evidence to the dead cop and the hooker. It's the correct make, model and caliber, but I'm telling you, it's a different gun. Catherine: Maybe he's being set up. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY] (Catherine and Nick report their findings to Grissom.) Grissom: Why? By whom? Keppler told me that he didn't know Frank McCarty. Warrick: He also said he didn't know the victim. Maybe he's lying about that, too. I'm sorry, Catherine. I like the guy, too, but I'm just following the evidence here. Nick: We should be talking to Keppler about this. Grissom: Where is he? Catherine: He was with me in A/V. Nobody has seen him since, and he's not answering his cell. Nick: He knows where the eyewitness lives. Catherine: What are you saying, Nick? Nick: I'm saying that if he had something to do with these two murders, then Frank McCarty's not the only one we need to worry about. Catherine: PD's on their way to Suzy Gibbons' apartment now. Grissom: Okay, grab Sara and go over there, and I'll have Brass call Trenton PD, see who knows who. Catherine: Welcome home. (Catherine stands up and leaves the office. Grissom watches her leave.) Grissom: What other evidence did, uh, Keppler handle? Nick: He brought back the three bullets from Autopsy, which didn't match the gun with his prints on it. Grissom: Could he have swapped the bullets? Nick: Anything's possible. Warrick: He also searched the dumpster where the homeless guy found the hooker's purse and cell phone. He told Catherine he didn't find anything. (Wendy Simms enters the office to share her findings.) Wendy Simms: I got your DNA results, and the blood on the gun from Frank McCarty's hotel room, it doesn't match either victim. There were no hits in CODIS, and the DNA print ancestry markers say that it's from a black male. Nick: Keppler and McCarty were both Jersey boys. Expand the search to the East Coast. Wendy Simms: Will do. I really hope he's clean. (Wendy leaves the office.) Grissom: We have to treat him like a suspect. I'll tell Ecklie. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. EMPTY LOT NEAR HENDERSON - DAY] (Keppler's phone rings. He takes the phone out of his pocket and looks at it. He doesn't answer.) (Keppler is standing in an empty lot; there's a pile of trash near him.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - DAY] (Greg closes his phone.) Greg: Still no answer on his cell. Archie: Hey. Got a fix on the GPS in his Denali. (The red blip appears on the monitor map.) Greg: He's near Henderson. (Archie nods.) What's he doing there? [EXT. EMPTY LOT NEAR HENDERSON - DAY] (Keppler goes to his Denali and rips the GPS antennae off the roof. He tosses it away.) [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - DAY] (The message box appears on the monitor: LAS VEGAS POLICE DEPARTMENT NO ANTENNAE DETECTED SIGNAL REFERENCE LOST #01254512 UNABLE TO DETECT ) Archie: He just disabled his GPS. Smart guy. Greg: Guilty guy. Try tracking his cell. PD-issued phones have GPS, too. Archie: Yeah. (Archie type in the phone number: 702 555-0147. The blip appears again on the monitor map.) Archie: Got him. (We hold on the BLIP.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. FREIGHT ELEVATOR -- NIGHT] (Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong is on the phone as he rides up the freight elevator. The elevator door opens and he steps out.) (Keppler steps out from his position behind the corner and follows Ricky. He turns Ricky, grabs the phone out of his hand and slams him up against the wall.) Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: Okay? I'll take the phone. Keppler: Suzy Gibbons -- how do I find her? Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: Okay, you know what? First off, you're gonna get your freakin' hands off me. Keppler: I don't have time, Ricky. Eric "Precious Ricky" Hong: Wh-Why should I tell you? Keppler: Because if you don't ... (Keppler takes his gun out, cocks it and presses the muzzle against Ricky's jaw.) Keppler: I'm the last face you're gonna see alive. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GIBBONS' APARTMENT -- NIGHT] (Catherine leaves the bedroom, walks through the hallway and heads back into the living room.) Catherine: I don't think Suzy works out of here. (Sara is in the kitchen looking through the cupboards.) Sara: Me, either. (Catherine's phone rings. She answers it.) Catherine: (to phone) Jim? Brass: (from phone) So I finally got through to the Homicide captain in Trenton. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS'S OFFICE - NIGHT] Brass: (to phone) Anyway, here's the story. Keppler knew McCarty. Not only did he know him, he was like a son to him. Keppler had a close relationship with his daughter and McCarty was the one who got Keppler his job as a CSI. Catherine: And - (sighs) -- what about the victim -- Detective Graves? Brass: Yeah, he knew him, too. Graves was being indicted. Seems like too many of his suspects were showing up dead before the trial. Catherine, I think all three of them are dirty. Catherine: Okay. (She hangs up.) Sara: You know, some women ... live out of their purses. (Sara shows her the motel key envelopes for: WELCOME GUESTS CHECK OUT TIME 12 NOON BLUE SIREN MOTEL ) Catherine: I know a lot of working girls operate out of the Siren. Sara: I think we just found her office. (Catherine's phone rings.) Sara: I'll see you back at the lab? Catherine: Okay. (Sara leaves. Catherine checks the caller ID and sees it's from: ERIC HONG.) (She answers the phone.) Catherine: (to phone) Hello. [EXT. BLUE SIREN MOTEL - NIGHT] (Keppler is sitting in his car.) Keppler: (to phone) It's Mike. Catherine: Where have you been? Everybody is looking for you. Keppler: I know. I'm sorry. Catherine: Then come back in. Keppler: I can't. It's kind of complicated. I ... made a mistake a long time ago. Catherine: Let me help you. Keppler: It's too late. You're gonna end up looking into my cases, Catherine. (sighs) They're clean. I promise, every one of them. Except the Alvarez homicide in Philly. If you run the ballistics again, it'll come back to Dennis Graves. Your guys are smart, they'll figure it out. Catherine: Mike, don't do anything stupid. Keppler: I got to go. (Keppler hangs up.) (Catherine looks at her phone.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BLUE SIREN MOTEL (STOCK) -- NIGHT [INT. CAR (PARKED) - NIGHT] (The line rings and clicks as the voice message starts.) Frank McCarty: (voice message) Hey, you've reached Frank. Leave me a message after the tone. (Phone beeps.) Keppler: If you still want to fix this, Frank, you got twenty minutes. Blue Siren Motel, Third, below Fremont. (Keppler steps out of the car. He heads for the motel.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (Grissom is going through his mail. He comes upon the large box and looks at the label: GIL GRISSOM LAS VEGAS CRIME LAB 3057 WESTFALL AVE LAS VEGAS, NB 81956 ) (He starts to pick up the box when his cell phone rings. Grissom puts the box down and answers his phone.) Grissom: (to phone) Grissom. INTECUT WITH: [INT. GIBBONS RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (Catherine is on the phone.) Catherine: (to phone) He just called, sounded desperate. Like a man with nothing to live for and nothing to lose. Grissom: Well, he's not your priority. Find the witness. Catherine: Yeah. I'm on my way. I just wanted you to know. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. BLUE SIREN MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT] (Suzy Gibbons sits on the bed smoking a cigarette. She appears extremely nervous.) (There's a knock at the door.) Suzy Gibbons: It's open. (The door opens and Frank McCarty steps inside. Suzy backs away as Frank raises his gun at her.) (Keppler appears behind him, his own gun pointed at the back of Frank's head.) Keppler: Drop it, Frank. (Frank freezes.) Keppler: Put the gun down. (Frank puts his hands up and places the gun on the nearby dresser.) Frank McCarty: Look, Mike ... about the bar, you were right. I was out of line. You know how I get -- come on. Put the gun down. (Frank lowers his hands.) You're not gonna shoot me. Keppler: Suzy, I want you to get up and walk out of the room, all right? Frank McCarty: I can't let that happen. (to Suzy) Sit down! (Suzy sits down.) Keppler: It's over, Frank. I know what you did. (Keppler lowers his gun.) Frank McCarty: What are you talking about? Keppler: I know what you did to Amy. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Frank is naked and sitting on the side of Amy's bed. Amy is in bed, listless.) BACK TO SCENE. (Keppler swallows.) Keppler: I killed an innocent man. Frank McCarty: Mikey, you're talking crazy. Keppler: She was your daughter, Frank. Frank McCarty: You watch your frickin' mouth. (Keppler raises his again. Frank backs away, his hands up.) All right, okay! Put the gun down. (Gibbons cries. Frank turns around to her.) Frank McCarty: (shouts) Shut up! (She stops sobbing loudly.) Frank McCarty: (quietly) I loved her, Mike, more than you know. (Keppler cocks his gun.) Frank McCarty: All right, okay. I'm a dirty cop, rotten to the core. What do you want from me? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BLUE SIREN MOTEL - FRONT DESK -- NIGHT] (Catherine closes her badge and opens the door. She looks at the rooms. She heads toward the door.) [INT. BLUE SIREN MOTEL - PARKING LOT -- NIGHT] (A police car with flashing lights silently rolls into the parking lot.) [INT. BLUE SIREN MOTEL - STAIRS TO ROOMS -- NIGHT] (Catherine climbs up the stairs.) [INT. BLUE SIREN MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT] (Keppler keeps his gun pointed at Frank. Outside, police sirens get closer.) Keppler: I want you to tell me why, Frank. Why you would do that to your own daughter. Frank McCarty: Come on, Mike. You're all I've got. (Suzy gets up and runs for the door. She runs past Frank and Keppler.) Suzy Gibbson: No! No! (Keppler steps in front of Suzy as she reaches the door.) Frank turns, grabs his gun off the dresser, points and fires.) (He shoots Keppler in the chest.) (Suzy screams. She opens the door and runs out.) (Frank stares at Keppler.) [EXT. BLUE SIREN MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (The door opens and Catherine sees Suzy run out of the room. She runs down the walkway in the opposite direction.) (Catherine runs to the room.) Catherine: Mike! (Behind her, officers are running up the stairs.) [INT. BLUE SIREN MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Keppler falls against he radiator. McCarty stares.) (Catherine runs to the door, her eyes on Keppler.) Catherine: Mike. (Frank turns his gun on Catherine.) (Keppler fires at Frank, shooting him in the chest and empties his gun into him.) (Frank falls back onto the bed.) (Keppler grunts.) (Catherine holsters her gun and grabs the nearby roll of paper towels.) Catherine: Mike. (She kneels next to him and presses a wad of paper towels into his wound to stop the bleeding.) Catherine: Mike. (The officers arrive in the room.) Catherine: Mike, hang in there. (to the officer) Call the paramedics. (One officer is outside the room to make the call while a second officer goes to check on Frank.) Officer: Dispatch, got a Code 44. (Catherine holds her hand against Keppler's cheek.) Catherine: You're gonna be okay. Just stay with me. Keppler: I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BLUE SIREN MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Suzy Gibbons talks with an officer.) Suzy Gibbons: I just know they both had guns. (The paramedics rush Keppler on a gurney toward the ambulance. Catherine runs next to them.) Paramedic: Move it. PARAMEDIC: Pupils still fixed and dilated. PARAMEDIC: He's moving into V-fib! Let's go! Catherine: I'm here. Stay with me, Mike. Paramedic: Place him into the back of the rig. Catherine: Mike? Paramedic: Let's go, let's go. (The push the gurney into the back of the ambulance.) Catherine: Hang on, Mike. (Catherine watches from the open doors. The paramedics working on Keppler charge up the paddles.) Paramedic: Charging, 300. (In the background, Grissom runs toward them.) Paramedic: Two placement's good. PARAMEDIC: Clear? PARAMEDIC: Clear. (They shock him.) Paramedic: No response. Hitting him again. PARAMEDIC: Copy. Clear. (They shock him again.) Paramedic: Yeah, I've got nothing. PARAMEDIC: Still in V-fib. Come on, come on. (They shock him again.) Paramedic: There's no pulse. Catherine: What? Paramedic: He's gone. (They stop working on Keppler and put the paddles away. Grissom glances at Catherine and steps closer to her. He puts his arm around her shoulders and holds her.) (Catherine looks at Keppler and she cries.) (Grissom turns her and leads her away from the ambulance.) FAR SHOT OF: Grissom and Catherine walk across the parking lot. [SCENE_BREAK] (PRE-LAP) Warrick: (v.o., to phone) Talk to me, Archie. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. EMPTY LOT NEAR HENDERSON - DAY] (Warrick is on the phone while Nick looks around the area.) Archie: (from phone) The signal's twenty yards north of your position. (Warrick looks around the area.) Warrick: I don't see anything. Archie: (from phone) Hold on. I'm calling the phone now. Warrick: All right. (A beat later, a cell phone rings.) Nick: Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait! I got something. (He motions to Warrick as he turns toward a pile of rubbish on the side.) Warrick: (to phone) I'll call you back. (Nick and Warrick head for the ringing phone. Warrick hangs up.) (Nick finds a portable ice chest. He takes out a knife and cuts the biohazard seal. Inside he finds Keppler's phone and severed hand in a plastic bag.) (There's also a note.) (Nick looks at Warrick.) Warrick: Keppler left his phone so we'd find the hand. (Nick takes his glasses off and picks up the note.) Nick: "Check under the nails. You'll find Frank McCarty's DNA." (Nick nods and sighs.)	Plan: A: nightmares; Q: What is Keppler having recurring about an incident many years ago in New Jersey? A: a retired cop; Q: What is Keppler's friend's occupation? A: Trenton; Q: Where is Keppler's friend from? A: his late girlfriend; Q: Whose father is Keppler's friend? A: a hotel room; Q: Where are the bodies of a police officer and a hooker found? A: the dead woman; Q: Whose left hand was cut off in the hotel room? A: Keppler's dismay; Q: What is Keppler's reaction to his friend finding the bodies? A: Grissom; Q: Who returns to the lab after a sabbatical and learns about Keppler's nightmares? Summary: Keppler finds himself having recurring nightmares about an incident many years ago in New Jersey, which get worse when a friend of his, a retired cop from Trenton and the father of his late girlfriend comes into town to visit. Soon, the bodies of a New Jersey police officer and a hooker are found shot to death in a hotel room, the left hand of the dead woman cut off. To Keppler's dismay, the one who found the bodies is none other than his friend. Back at the lab, Grissom returns from his sabbatical and learns about the friction caused by Keppler while he was away.
(Bailey and the interns are at the bar) MVO: The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed, and most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. (Izzie grabs her drink and walks over to table where George & Meredith are sitting with their own drinks and nibbles) George: I don't know. When I left, Cristina said she was ok. Izzie: Nobody goes what she went through and is totally over it by now. George: Cristina can. Meredith: She's fine. Izzie: Too fine. She's cold. George: No, she's hardcore. She's got ice in her veins. She does what she has to do to get through it. Izzie: She lost a baby. She lost a fallopian tube and she's acting like she doesn't even care. She's all "Hello, I'm totally fine person." Ok, she's my friend too but she's acting like she has no emotions or warmth, like she's missing a soul. George: God, she's gonna make a great surgeon. Izzie: George! George: It's true. You show no weakness, you make it to the top. Meredith: Some people just keep their feelings to themselves. (Derek walks into the bar. He doesn't see her and sits down at the bar next to Bailey) MVO: We only see what we wanna see and believe what we want to believe. And it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth. Derek: Meredith kissed me. Addison kissed me. My wife and my girlfriend kissed me on the same day. Bailey: Joe, do I look friendly to you? Joe: Oh, you're a tiny little kitten of joy and love. (Dr. Bailey makes a face) What? He saved my life. Bailey: His first mistake. Mc Dreamy, go sit by someone who cares. Derek: Oh gee... (Derek doesn't move) MVO: We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth, right in front of our faces. Derek: Everything's gonna be fine. Addison will go back to New York. Meredith and I'll start over, everything's gonna be fine. Right? Bailey: You so damn stupid. (Parking lot then hallway inside SGH) (Bailey is making rounds with Alex, Izzie, Meredith & George) Bailey: I want everyone focused today. With Cristina out, we're short an intern and I have a feeling it's gonna be one of those days. And Karev, see the chief by the end of the day. Alex: What for? Bailey: Do I look psychic to you? He is the chief. He asked. You go. Meredith (whispers to George): What did he do now? George: Maybe he gave the chief syphilis. (Patient's room who is over crowded with interns, doctors and nurses listening to her tell a story) Woman: So we're in the middle of the Belizian jungle and this jaguarondi jumps out and bites one of the guides. (Dr. Bailey enters the room with her interns) Woman: They all look at me. They're yelling, "You're a doctor, help him!" This is one time a PhD does no good. Bailey: I'm sorry, did I miss the bell for social hour? (Everybody starts to leave except Bailey's group) Woman: Tales of missionary life. Izzie: You're a missionary? Woman: No, my parents. We traveled a lot. They still do. Izzie: Oh wow. This stuff looks great. (She is looking at some artifacts. She then sees Dr. Bailey looking annoyed.) Izzie: Um, this is Dr. Burke's patient, (pronounces name very American) Kalpana Vera... Kalpana: "Kull-punnah." Named by villagers in Nepal. Izzie: Uh, she presents with a multiple syncopal episodes and ventricular arrhythmias. Bailey: So you've been passing out? Kalpana: Yeah and having palpitations. Izzie: Past medical history of rheumatic heart disease with mitral valve stenosis. Kalpana: They had to ship me from Zambia to the States for 3 months of treatment when I was 8. Rheumatic fever almost killed me. Bailey (to Izzie): Dr. Stevens. What are the primary causes of ventricular arrhythmias? (Izzie moves to speak but is interrupted by Cristina who has come to the doorway in her hospital gown with her IV stand) Cristina: Valvular disease, mitral valve prolapse, stimulants, drugs, and metabolic abnormalities. (She looks pleased with herself. Everyone else looks exasperated or amused) Cristina: What? Bailey: Out! Cristina: I'm fine. Bailey: Out! You better be in your room by the time we round on you. Cristina: And when will that be? Bailey: In 15 seconds. 14. 13. 12. 11. (Cristina starts walking away, but you can see her underwear through the slip at the back of the gown. George, Izzie & Meredith laugh. Dr. Bailey turns away.) Alex: Nice panties, Yang. (Cristina closes the back of the gown so nothing shows and turns back to Alex.) Cristina: In your dreams, Evil Spawn. (Cristina's Room. They are now doing her charts for rounds. She is lying in bed. Her mother Helen is also there sitting on a couch, doing some sewing beside a window) Meredith: Cristina Yang. Post-op day 3 from a unilateral salpingectomy. Cristina: And ready to get back to work. Helen: Is she? Cristina: I'm taking solids and my pain is controlled with oral meds. I'm ready. Helen: Didn't the nurse say this morning you had a fever? Cristina: Mother. Bailey: Cristina, did you have a fever? Cristina: Temp spiked to 101 last night. Big deal. George: She worked 2 shifts last month with a 102 degree flu. Cristina: Yes. Exactly, George. Thank you. Bailey: And we appreciate your dedication but you're staying in bed until it normalizes. Helen: I keep telling her there's more to life than surgery and career. Cristina: Mother, go upholster something. Bailey: Look, I need you to relax, shut up and get better. You're a patient this week so you can be a doctor next week. Understand? (They move out of the room. Cristina pulls Meredith back) Cristina: Mer. Mer. You cannot leave me alone with her. I'm flying over the cuckoo's nest here. You have to save me. Meredith: You need time to heal. Cristina: I'm healed. (Meredith walks out of the room) I'm healed! (Cristina looks annoyed, looks at her mother and then looks away) Oh, god. (Ellis Grey's room. Dr. Bailey and her group walk in. Ellis is lying in a pink robe in bed) Bailey: Ok, Dr. O'Malley, you're presenting. George: Ok, Dr. Grey is post-op day 3 from a tumor resection. Ellis: Wrong, wrong, wrong. He's got it all wrong. George: She's... Ellis: It's not asthma, it's GERD. He needs a Nissen fundoplication. I don't want her in the room. Meredith: Mom! Ellis: She's a child and I won't have her on my team. Bailey: We'll meet you outside, Dr. Grey. (Meredith walks out a little stunned) (Derek is arriving at an elevator when he sees Meredith walking by) Derek: You skipping rounds? Meredith: Avoiding mother. Derek (he stops her): Meredith... Meredith: You've got a wife. Derek: Yes. Meredith: You're life is complicated. Derek: Yes. Meredith: I don't need complicated. I have complicated all on my own. Derek: Yes. Meredith: Stop saying yes. Derek (smiling): I'm trying not to make any sudden movements. Meredith: You think this is funny? Derek: Addison's leaving. She doesn't have any more patients in this hospital. There's no reason for her to be here. Meredith: No reason? Derek: None whatsoever. (He moves in and strokes her cheek. Addison appears suddenly) Addison: Well now, isn't this cozy? Can I join in or are you not into threesomes? Meredith: I have to go. (She walks away) Derek: Meredith ... (to Addison) You really are Satan. You realize that right? If Satan were to take physical form, he'd be you. Everywhere, all the time. Addison: I am so not Satan. Derek: How come you haven't got on your broomstick and gone back to New York, where you belong? Addison: Stop being petty. Derek: Stop being an adulterous bitch. (Elevator opens but they don't get on) Addison: You know, you are going forgive me eventually, right? I mean you can't just ... I mean there was a time when you thought of me as your best friend? Derek: There was a time where I thought you were the love of my life. Things change. (Addison sighs and walks back to the button to get another elevator and presses it. She pulls out papers out of her bag and hands them to Derek.) Derek (looking at the papers): Divorce papers. (We can now see Meredith looking from the stairs nearby watching Derek & Addison) Addison: You're lawyer said they're ok. I haven't signed them yet. The ball's in your court. If you sign, I'll sign. I'll sign and be on the 1st plane out of here. Derek: I'll sign them immediately. I want you out of here as soon as possible. (Addison looks upset and walks into an open elevator but pops out quickly) Addison: Derek, have you ever thought that, even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch, that I still might be the love of your life? (She gets back in and the door closes. Derek half nods to himself. Meredith is still watching but he can't see her) (Seattle Scenes) (Cristina's hospital room) (Opens with Cristina making notes in her chart. Dr. Burke looks in and sees no one else is in there, so he walks in. He removes the chart from Cristina. Cristina looks up and sighs) Cristina: It's my chart. Burke: You're the patient. Not the doctor. Act like one. (He looks through her chart) It's been tough finding you alone. Cristina: Yeah? Well ... Burke: How are you doing? Cristina: Well, you have my chart, you tell me. Burke (more forceful): How are you doing? Cristina: I'm fine. Perfectly ok. Burke: I had a right to know. Cristina: Well, now you do. Burke: Cristina (she cuts him off) Cristina: Look. Now you know. It's over. There's nothing for you to deal with. So I don't know what else there really is left to say. Burke: Plenty. For starters you could've come to me (she interrupts again) Cristina: Oh, look. It's my mother. (Helen has just obviously come out of Cristina's bathroom. She walks up to Dr. Burke) Burke: Dr. Preston Burke. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Yang. Helen: Actually it's Rubenstein. Dr. Saul Rubenstein of Beverley Hills? (Dr. Burke smiles and nods in understanding) The oral surgeon? I'm remarried. Been remarried since Cristina was, what? About 3? Cristina: Mom, that's too, too much information, he has other things to do. Helen: You're good-looking. He's good-looking. Why don't you ever bring home a man as good-looking as him? Cristina (quiet): Stop. Helen (laughs): What? Cristina (quiet): Stop talking. Helen: Cristina! (To Dr. Burke) Forgive her. I don't know what I ever did to raise such an unpleasant girl. Cristina (now loud): Oh, me? I'm unpleasant? Burke: Excuse me. (He leaves the room quickly) Cristina: Do you know who that was? That was ... that was my boss! Helen: I only said nice things. Cristina: Why'd you have to call me unpleasant in front of my boss? Helen: Lighten up, please! (Alex & Izzie are walking down a hallway in the hospital) Izzie: Okay I was thinking that maybe we might want to ... you might...Ok, we both have tonight off so... Alex: You are so into me. Izzie: Oh, shut up. Alex: It's sad. The worship. The adoration. Ah, I'm so handsome, I intoxicate you. Izzie: Ok, you know what? Forget it. Alex: Izzie, would you like to go out with me tonight? On a date? You wear something gorgeous, I pay for food... Izzie: Are you making fun of me? Alex: I'm not making fun of you. Izzie: Ok, then. Alex: Good. Izzie: Good. (Dr. Bailey & Meredith enter a patients room. He is in there reading a book) Bailey: I thought I told you I never want to see you again. Man: That's only cause you're too lazy to learn anything more. Bailey (huffs): Dr. Meredith Grey, Jeremiah Tate. He thinks he knows so much cause he was one of my first patient's as an intern. Jeremiah: I knew as much as she did. She was clueless about how to treat cystic fibrosis. A simple cholecystectomy turned into a month-long stay. Bailey: Better not be alleging malpractice. Guy raises about a 100 grand a year for cystic fibrosis, running triathlons. Thinks he's a big shot. Meredith: You run triathlons? Jeremiah: Why not? Bailey: Pain for one. Says here you're finally admitting to feeling a little? Jeremiah: A little. Bailey: How little? Truth. Jeremiah: Oh, enough to keep me awake at night. Had some seizures. Um...too weak to work out. Bailey: Anyone been through here with your CT results? Jeremiah: No. It's probably just my pancreatitis kicking up again. Bailey: All right then. We'll be back. With your results and a plan. (She walks to the door) Huh, where do your parents think you are this time? Jeremiah (he smiles): Hmm. New Jersey. (Dr. Bailey smiles back and leaves the room. Meredith follows) Meredith: What about his parents? Bailey: No, he doesn't like to bother them until he's well or about to get discharged. He understands his reality. He just chooses to ignore it. Denial works for him, Grey. (Alex is looking periodically through each file at the nurses station) Alex: Abdominal pain. Abdominal pain. Perirectal abscess. Gun shot wound to head. (He looks confused and pulls out the file completely) Alex (mutters to himself): Where the hell is the GSW to the head? (Calls out loudly) Why wasn't the trauma team called? Hello? Are you people insane? (A nurse comes to Alex) Nurse: There's your gunshot victim. (She gestures to a waiting room where a guy is sitting reading a magazine looking perfectly okay except for the slight reddish tinge on his forehead) Alex: Him? (Cristina's room where her mother is painting her toe nails red) Helen: I'm redoing the living room in beige silks, I'm thinking. And modern. Very mid-century. And the dining room... Cristina (interrupts): Mother, give me back my toes. (Helen stops and closes the nail polish bottle) Helen: Okay. I change the subject. (She moves to put it away) Who's the father? Cristina: Mid-century did you say? Helen: Someone you work with, right? Was it just for sx? You made such a point of not forming attachments. Cristina: 20 minutes. Just give ... All I want is 20 minutes of peace and quiet. Helen: The daughter I raised would appreciate her mother's help. Cristina: The daughter you raised is begging for you to go. Now! Helen: I didn't have to come here. You know I'm very busy. Cristina: Yeah, I know. I know. Redecorating your house. (Helen huffs. They look at each other.) Well, can you get me a mocha latte, please? Helen: A non-fat one. Cristina: No. A fat one! (Helen walks out of the room clutching her purse) (Another hospital room where Alex is giving the GSW guy a physical exam) Alex: You're walking ... you're talking ...there's no exit wound. This mark here looks more like a burn. Man: I'm telling you, I shot my self. Pulled the trigger while I was cleaning my .22. I thought the clip was out. If you're thinking suicide, don't. People make mistakes. I made a mistake. (sounds resigned) And now I'm paying for it. (sighs) But I did shoot myself. (Alex and Nurse look like they don't believe him) (Cristina is dressed in her blue scrubs at the nurse's station looking through patient charts) Tyler: Where's your IV? Cristina: I've taken solids. I HEP-locked it. Tyler: On whose orders? Cristina: Mine. Tyler: Okay. (Searches for her chart) Yang. (Looks through her chart) How about this order: "Bed rest, out of bed to chair, bathroom privileges." Nothing about stealing charts at the nurses station. Cristina: Ok, you know what (signals to man pushing a wheelchair) Hey, hey! Give me that. (Sits down) There, satisfied? I'm "out of bed to chair." Tyler: I'm telling your intern on you. Cristina: Meredith? Tyler: Yeah. Cristina (mockingly) Ooh, I'm so scared. (She wheels off with a patient's chart) (Ellis Grey is sitting in her room going through some papers. George comes into the room) George: Dr. Grey, how are you doing? Ellis: You here, good. I need the results of the barium esophagram or the EGD. (George looks stunned) And you have neither. Ok, no worries. I'll be here when you get back. (Richard comes to the door now) Richard: So today you're her intern. Well, that's better than being her husband. George: Well, that's a matter of opinion. Richard: Good morning, Ellis. Ellis: Richard, good to see you. (To George) I need those labs immediately. George (softly): Chief? Um ... she's not a surgical patient anymore. And I'd really like to get back to the OR. So, ah ... do you think I could hand her off to someone else? Richard (softly): O'Malley, Alzheimer's causes her reality to shift depending on situation or her mood. She needs stability right now. That's why I'm depending on you to keep a special eye on her. George: Yes ... I know sir ... but, you know it doesn't seem fair to me. Ellis: I need those studies yesterday. Richard: You heard the doctor. Get moving. (Cut to Kalpana's room where she has just taken a pill. Cristina outside in the hall sitting in her wheelchair witnesses this) Cristina: I saw that. (Kalpana swallows) I saw you take that pill. Kalpana: Oh it's, it's my pill. You know ... the pill. Cristina (looking over her chart): It's ah not in your chart and you're supposed to tell us the meds you're on. (Izzie sees Cristina and starts walking over) Kalpana: You're not my doctor. You shouldn't even be here. Izzie: She's right. You shouldn't be here. Cristina: I saw her take unauthorized medication. Kalpana: I'm on the pill and I had grapefruit juice this morning. Since the juice inhibits enzymes involved in the metabolism of OCPs, I thought I'd avoid the interaction by taking it two hours after my meal. Izzie: She's has a doctorate in neuropharmacology, Cristina. Cristina: Well, Izzie, I don't see oral contra... Kalpana (looking weak and in pain): Guys... Izzie(interrupt): Ok, so now you will. Will you just go back to bed and stop poaching my patients? (They start fighting) (Kalpana's heart monitor starts racing. Kalpana falls to the floor unconscious. Izzie rushes to her.) Cristina: She's in V-FIB. Izzie: Call the code. (Izzie thumps Kalpana's chest) Nurse: No code? Izzie: Not anymore. Can you help us get her back into bed? Cristina (struggles to get back into her wheelchair): I'll help, just give me a minute. (Male nurse moves to help Izzie) Izzie: Would you just go back to bed? Please, seriously, go. Cristina (struggling to reach Kalpana's chart): Oh, god. You know, Izzie, if she's on OCPs, can we mark it down, ok? Izzie: Yeah. (Radiology viewing room where Meredith and Dr. Bailey are looking over Jeremiah's x-rays put up on an x-ray board) Meredith: Jeremiah's got a mass in his midepigastrium. Diffused enlargement of the pancreas. That, with his hypoglycemic seizures ... Bailey: He's going to need an exploratory laparotomy. But, despite his triathlons, his lungs still make me hesitant to cut. Meredith: What are we going to do? Bailey: I don't know that yet. (Addison walks into the room and up to the x-rays) Addison: Doctors. Bailey: Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd. Addison: How old is he? Bailey: He's 26. (Meredith is looking annoyed that Addison is still here) Addison: Survivor, huh? Bailey: And them some. My patient for at least 5 years. I'm not gonna lose him now. Addison: You planning a laparotomy? Bailey: Yeah, but his lungs. Addison: Hmm. You know, I think I could help you with this. I've seen one case like this before in a 9 year old. We ended up having to do a total pancreotectomy. Bailey: I'd be honored to take any help you can give me. Meredith: You're a neonatal specialist. What ... uh ... this isn't your area. (Dr. Bailey looks annoyed. She shakes her head at Meredith) I'm just saying that... Addison (interrupts): I did 2 years genetic research in cystic fibrosis. I've pretty much seen it all, Dr. Grey. Meredith: Oh. (Elevator outside nurse's station. Ellis Grey is standing outside it in her robe. She walks into the elevator. Derek and Meredith are walking down the stairs together.) Derek: Just because she offered her services doesn't mean she intends to stay. Meredith: Well, what does it mean? Because it seems to me ... Derek (interrupts): It means that she's a good doctor. Meredith (half laughs sarcastically): Oh ho ho. Why are you suddenly defending her? Derek: I'm not. Meredith, she gave me divorce papers. She filed. Meredith: Oh. Well, that's good. Derek: All I have to do is sign, and I'm free ... We're free. Meredith: Is there anything to think about? Derek: No, of course not. I have to read through them, sign, then Addison's on the next plane out of here. (CT viewing room where Alex and CT Tech are looking at the films of the GSW guy. Well the CT guy is looking; Alex is flipping through a magazine) CT Tech: You say he got shot in the head? Alex: He says he got shot in the head. I say it's a mental defect. (A blonde woman in her mid-40s enters the room) Woman: Um, hi. Alex: Ma'am, you can't be in here. Woman: No, I'm looking for Samuel Linden, he ... (she sees GSW guy getting into the CT machine) Oh, my god, Samuel. Well how, how, how bad is it? Alex: Are you his wife? Mrs. Linden: Yes, for 21 years. Just tell me how he is. (Alex gets up to meet her) Alex: Fine, for a man who says he shot himself. Mrs. Linden (adamant): He shot himself! He was cleaning his gun. What is wrong with you people? Alex (tries to get her to leave): We'll know everything when we finish his CT. This is a restricted area, ma'am. You have to ... Mrs. Linden (interrupts): No! My husband has a bullet in his head! Alex: Then we'll find it. If you could wait outside I'll be with you soon as we know something, I promise. (He escorts her out and slides the door shut) (Elevator where Bailey is standing by herself, the door is about to close when Derek pushes it open and steps in) Derek (angry): Of all the fine doctors in the city, you accept a consult from Addison Shepherd. Bailey: Montgomery-Shepherd, isn't it? Derek: The point is she should be on her way home. (He stares at her) You're trying to drive me crazy aren't you? (Bailey smiles annoyed and pulls the red elevator stop button. A loud ringing starts) Derek (backing against the elevator wall): Oh hang on don't do this. Bailey (loud & upset): You think this (Derek groans) has something to do with you? You think I'm even thinking about you and your romantic problems? I'm trying to help a patient very near and dear to my heart. And if consulting with your wife...your ex...your mistress whatever it is that she becomes, if that's the thing I have to do to save my patient, then I'm damn well gonna do it. Derek (moves from the wall looking slightly confused): I understand ... and I deserved that. It's just that... Bailey (makes a face): Just ...you look. You have put yourself between two very fine women and you looking for an easy way out and you wanna use me,Aad the hospital and... somebody to make the decision for you, and it's not gonna happen. (Derek still looks confused) She pushes the stop button off.[/i]) Derek: Could I just, could I just say a couple of things? Bailey (puts her hand up in a no gesture): Just... (Derek looks at her but doesn't say anything.) (Kalpana's room where she is back in bed. Dr. Burke, Izzie and the male nurse are there as well) Burke: You scared us a little there. (To Izzie) How's her workup coming? (Male nurse leaves) Izzie: Uh, electrolytes are within normal limits, Urine tox was negative and EKG's fine. Tilt test is scheduled for noon. Oh, and she's on contraceptives. Burke: So? Kalpana: That's what I said. That other doctor made such a big deal of it. Izzie: She didn't tell us before so I documented it in her med list. Burke: What other doctor? Izzie: Cristina. She was wandering the halls. (Dr. Burke nods and smiles) Burke: Fine. Take her down for an echo. Kalpana: An echo? What about cardioversion or ablation? Won't I need a pacemaker or a permanent internal defibrillator? Burke: Although it would be unusual for rheumatic heart disease to cause ventricular dysrhythmias we still gotta check your valves. (Dr. Burke leaves the room. Kalpana looks after him) Izzie: I thought your doctorate was in neuropharmacology, not medicine. Kalpana: It is. (Izzie nods and leaves) (Meredith and Cristina at their hangout in the abandoned hallway. They're both sitting on an empty bed. Cristina is looking over Kalpana's chart with medical books at her side) Meredith: Addison gave Derek divorce papers, which is good. I mean she's still here, being Addison, but it's not like I'm jealous or anything. Cristina (looking at the chart): That's odd. Meredith: That's odd I'm not jealous? Cristina: No, you have every right to be jealous. It's your territory and she's peeing all over it. (Looks back at the chart) What's odd is Burke's patient. She's been in 4 other hospitals this year. You know something's not right. Meredith: You seem awfully interested in Burke's patient. Cristina: This has nothing to do with Burke. Meredith: Cristina you lost a fallopian tube, a baby and a boyfriend all in one day. You have the right to be upset. Cristina: And you're losing Mc Dreamy to his perfect wife. You have a right to be jealous. Meredith: I did not lose Mc Dreamy. Divorce papers, remember? And I'm not jealous. Cristina: And I'm not upset. Meredith: You really should be in your room. Cristina: Ok, if the situation was reversed, would you wanna spend time with your mother in a confined room with one window? Meredith: Do you think we're like them? Our mothers? (Cristina gives her a look) [SCENE_BREAK] (Meredith is standing in her mother's room. The bed is empty. Ellis isn't there. The male nurse comes in and stops when he doesn't see Ellis there either.) Tyler: Uh, where's your mom? Meredith: Exactly. Where is my mother? (George comes in) George: Where's your mother? Meredith: Funny you should ask! George: Oh, crap. (He leaves the room) (CT viewing room. CT Tech is looking at Samuel's scans. Alex is writing stuff.) CT Tech: Oh, man, you are not going to believe this. (Alex looks up. It's obvious on the scan that a bullet is inside the guy's head at the edge of his skull) Alex: No. It can't be. The guy was reading a freaking magazine. Ellis: It's definitely a bullet. (Alex & CT Tech turn around. Ellis has entered into the room unannounced dressed in dark blue scrubs) One that tracked clear through his head. Now are you people just going to sit here or you gonna get him into surgery? (Alex and CT guy look at each other) (Ellis is pointing to the CT scans explaining stuff to Alex) Ellis: Here's the missile track. As you can see it doesn't even cross the midline. (CT Tech is standing at the door. Derek walks up to him) CT Tech: She's over there. Ellis: He's lucky. This guy may be even better talking to. (Dr. Shepard and CT guy walk in) He'll need debridement of the entrance wound and repair the dura, but we won't need to remove the bullet. (George comes in with a wheelchair) Derek: That's an excellent diagnosis, Dr. Grey. I'm Dr. Shepherd, I'm your neuro consult. George: Dr. Grey, they need you upstairs. (Ellis gets up) Ellis (to Derek): You'll book the OR and staff? Alex: I'm on it. (Ellis gets into the wheelchair. Derek looks at Alex disapprovingly. Alex shrugs. George comes up to the screen with the CT scan) George: Unbelievable. (Richard has come to the room as well) Richard: O'Malley. Can you not handle this, doctor? George (walks back to Ellis, muttering): I can handle a lot of things. Wheelchairs. Come on, Dr. Grey. (He pulls the wheelchair out of the doorway) (Jeremiah's room where Dr. Bailey, Addison and Meredith are explaining the surgery to Jeremiah) Addison: We won't know for sure until we go in there, but it looks like that I'm going to have to take out your pancreas and re-route your intestines. Jeremiah (to Dr. Bailey): Did you tell her that my lungs don't do well with anesthesia? Bailey: Don't I always have your back? Addison: Your kidney function is decreasing rapidly and I'm afraid you're gonna go into multi-system organ failure if we don't operate. Jeremiah: If I say no? Bailey: There's no guarantees, Jeremiah. You know that. It's gonna be a long, hard surgery and put a lot of stress on your body. Jeremiah (smiles): Yeah, but I'm me. Bailey (smiles back): But you're you. Jeremiah: So if we don't operate, I die. And if ... we do operate, I may die. Addison: Basically, yes. Jeremiah: Well, I like those odds. And 26 years with this disease is awesome. And that's the reality. So if I get lucky ... great. And if I don't ... (he looks at Dr. Bailey and takes her hand in his) it's been sweet. Bailey: It's gonna stay sweet. (She throws his hand back, he shrugs smiling) (Derek & Alex are with Samuel who's lying on hospital bed now in a communal room with his wife standing next to him holding his hand) Derek: You understand that we'll need to do a psych evaluation: Mrs. Linden: How many times do we have to tell you? He wasn't trying to kill himself. It was an accident. Samuel: They're just trying to do their job, hon. Mrs. Linden: Well ... No their job is to make you better. Derek: Where were you when the gun went off? Mrs. Linden: I was in the next room. And I heard the shot. And it was awful. Samuel (looking at his wife): It's over now. Alex: Why didn't you call 911? Mrs. Linden: Because he was only unconscious for a moment. And then ... then he was walking and talking and... Derek (interrupts): You're going to have a give a report to the police. Samuel: Police? Mrs. Linden: What, what do we need to talk the police about? Alex: We have to report any gunshot wounds to the police. It's the law. (Derek and Alex walk off. Mrs. Linden strokes her husband's cheek and mouths it'll be okay. He turns his head away slightly) (Empty hallway with hospital beds. Cristina is now lying down still with Kalpana's chart. Her wheelchair is next to her with a dictionary on it. George comes in eating a banana and his lunch bag in his hand) George: You're officially AWOL, you know? Cristina: I'm working. Trying to figure out what's going on with the crazy woman on four. George: You are the crazy woman on four. Cristina: I made a break of freedom. Will you hand me that dictionary? (George hands it over.) George: You have a better patient than me and you don't even have a patient. He sits down in Cristina's wheelchair[/i]) George: Meredith's got a CF case. Alex's got the gunshot wound. Izzie's got the mystery arrhythmias. I'm not a nanny! I'm a surgeon. A cutter. But no, I'm getting fake labs for fake patients so she can do a fake surgery. (George empties his lunch bag roughly onto the bed. Realization dawns on Cristina) Cristina (to herself): She's faking it. George: It's real to her. It's Alzheimer's. (Cristina quickly gets off the bed.) Cristina: The missionary. Kalpana... Ah! (She hits George on the side of the head and walks off) Oh, god. Thank you! George: Ow! Uncalled for. (Nurse's station where Izzie is searching through patient charts. Cristina appears with the Kalpana's chart) Cristina: Hey, Izzie, how have her studies been? Izzie (interrupts): Hey! I've been looking for that everywhere. (Takes chart off Cristina and starts writing in it) Cristina (continues): Negative, right? Izzie: Oh! The echo tests showed mild mitral stenosis, the tilt test was negative. We're doing EP studies. Cristina: I can tell you what's wrong with her without sticking electrodes in her heart. (Cristina takes a seat in a desk chair) Izzie (disbelieving): Really. Just by the chart? Cristina: No, from the pill she took. Izzie: They were contraceptives, Cristina! Why are you so obsessed with this? Just go back to bed! Cristina: I think she's doing this to herself. Izzie (disbelieving): You think she's inducing ventricular arrhythmias? She'd have to be crazy to do... Cristina (interrupts): No, no, no. She'd have to have Munchausen's. Izzie: Okay wait. You think she's secretly ingesting something to produce real symptoms? (Dr. Burke has come in behind Cristina searching for a chart)... Seriously? Cristina: Yep. Just run it by Burke and tell me what he thinks. Izzie(handing the chart to Dr. Burke): Tell him yourself. He's standing right behind you. (Cristina looks up) Dr. Burke. (Izzie walks off. Dr. Burke looks at Cristina. Cristina sighs and puts her hand over her face) (Alex walks away from Samuel who's still lying in bed with his wife sitting next to him. He's walking to Derek who's going over some files sitting at a nurse's station) Derek: Where are we? Alex: Oh, OR. 2 in 30 minutes. He's prepped, transport's on the way. (They hear loud whispered yelling coming from Samuel & Mrs. Linden and look over) Mrs. Linden: Do you understand that? 21 years! Derek: What's that all about? Alex: I haven't got a clue. (Samuel & Mrs. Linden) Samuel: How many times do I have to tell you? I'm sorry. I love you, I forgive you. Mrs. Linden: You cheated on me! You cheated on me! And you do not get to play the martyr here! Samuel: I've got a bullet in my head! Mrs. Linden: And that doesn't make us even! Samuel: You shot me! (Derek and Alex) Derek: I think we need to get the police up here right now. (Alex nods and Derek picks up a phone) (Cristina and Dr. Burke talking in the office behind the nurse's station) Cristina: I mean, she obviously loves the patient role. She practically lives in hospitals. And ... and, and we're like an imaginary family to her because her really family blows her off to go take care of other people. ... And, and I saw her take something. Burke: It's not enough. We have to rule out everything else. Everything physical. Cristina: She even lied about her job. She's a pharmacy tech, not a PhD. Burke: So she's a liar. I've been lied to before. (Burke sits down. Cristina gives him a look.) Cristina: Hey, we're not talking about us here. Burke: Maybe we should be. Cristina: I didn't lie! Burke: You withheld with truth. How was I ... Cristina (interrupts): Ok, you know what? I distinctly remember you breaking things off with me. And you didn't seem so upset about it. And this? (Indicates herself and him) This is, this is not a relationship. This is not real. Burke (interrupts): Cristina! Cristina (starts walking out of the room): Okay, and, and so what's with the big display of fake hurt and drama? (She opens the door) Burke: Cristina! Cristina: I'm supposed to be in bed. (She leaves & closes the door) Burke: Cristina! (Burke is left looking frustrated) (Samuel is being wheeled away to the OR. Mrs. Linden is standing where his bed used to be. Derek leaves Samuel and looks over and makes eye contact with Meredith. The cops come to where Mrs. Linden is, Derek goes over there.) Derek: Officers, thanks for coming. Officer: Ma'am, why don't you have a seat? We need to ask you a few questions. Mrs. Linden: Oh, I, I, of course. (Meredith is at the Nurse's station looking at a chart. Addison comes up behind her looking through some files.) Addison: Well, nothing like a domestic dispute to liven up a pre-op, huh? (Meredith gives her a look. They both walk over to a bed where Jeremiah and Dr. Bailey are. Jeremiah is looking at some forms) Jeremiah: Where do I sign? Bailey: Here, for consent. And here for DNR and no extraordinary measures. (Jeremiah signs) Bailey: Good. Ok, lift up for me. (Jeremiah lifts up in obvious pain as Dr. Bailey uses her stethoscope to listen to his heart beat) Jeremiah: You should probably call my parents. Bailey: Call them yourself when you walk out of here. (George is walking into Ellis Grey's room) George: Dr. Grey, I have those labs ... (He stops when he sees her bed empty again. The male nurse walks in behind him) Tyler (amused): Oh, no you didn't. You lost her again? Again? George: I am a surgeon. A surgeon. Tyler (chuckles): Yeah, well... You won't be when Dr. Webber finds out you lost Ellis Grey again. (George turns around looking a little scared. The male nurse laughs and walks away) (O.R. where Dr. Burke and Izzie are performing some sort of test on Kalpana) Burke: We're using three different catheters. Why are we doing that, Dr. Stevens? Izzie: Programmed electrical stimulation maps the heart's electrical system to find the focus of the irregular... Intern (interrupts): Um, doctors. Sorry to interrupt. Burke: Yes. Intern: Her urine's blue. Burke: What? (Intern holds up a bag holding Kalpana's urine which sure enough is blue) Izzie: Why is her urine blue? (Burke sighs, realizing something) (Richard is walking down the hall frustrated and angry. George is rushing following behind) Richard: She says she has a surgery scheduled with Dr. Shepherd? George: I turned my back for 5 minutes. Richard (angry): Why did you turn your back at all? I told you to take care of her! (He calms down and speaks quietly) Just get out of here. You wanna find a hot surgery then find one. You're free. I'll take care of her. (Richard walks off through some double doors. George looking upset goes back the way he came, opening a door roughly) (OR #2 with Derek and Alex performing surgery on Samuel) Alex: This is one sick bst*rd. We should flip him over, and give him a spine. Derek: Hold back on the retractor, Dr. Karev. (Speaks to another intern) Little suction bogie. Bogie: Suction. Alex: Covering for his wife after she shot him? Derek: He did cheat on her. Alex: And that guilt's worth a bullet in the head? Derek: Relationships are built on sacrifice. Alex: Not that kind of sacrifice. Derek: Hmm, I don't know. Sometimes a bullet's worth it. (Scrub room where Ellis Grey is cleaning her fingernails. Richard walks in decked out in dark blue scrubs as well) Ellis (smiling): Ah, Richard, I thought you'd never get here. Look, the OR's empty, I have a little time before my surgery. (She moves in and kisses him. He kisses her back. He eventually pulls away. Ellis looks extremely confused) Ellis: I don't think I'm supposed to be here. Richard: No. (He cups her face with his hand. She puts her hand over his and sighs) No, you're not. Come on I'll take you back to your room. (Ellis smiles and nods. Richard helps her walk out of the room) (OR with Dr. Bailey, Addison and Meredith performing surgery on Jeremiah) Addison: I need more traction. Dr. Grey? Bailey (to Meredith): Here give me some suction there. (Meredith gives suction) Bailey: Now Grey, retract the duodenum. Good. (To another Doctor) How's he doing? Doctor: Harder to ventilate and no urine output since we started. Addison (shakes her head): He's shutting down. Bailey: Did you increase his peak pressures? Doctor: Any higher, I blow his lungs. (Monitor beeps) Bradycardia. Pushing 1 of atropine. (Injects atropine) Addison: Try ventilating him manually, see if he starts coming back up. (Doctor starts pushing on a bag) Bailey (to Addison): Did we miss any bleeders? Addison (shakes her head): The surgical field is clear. Meredith: Agonal rhythm. (Monitor is beeping faster) Bailey: Any pulse with that? Doctor: No carotid. Bailey: Okay starting CPR. (She hands over her suction pipe and starts performing CPR) Push one of EPI. Addison: No extraordinary measures, Dr. Bailey. He's DNR. Bailey: No this is just good medicine. (The others stop what they're doing) (Kalpana's room with Dr. Burke and Izzie) Kalpana: Blue urine? Burke: A second drug screen was positive for amitriptyline, which, I'm sure you know, causes ventricular arrhythmias. Izzie: You knew it wouldn't show up on a routine drug screen, but I'm guessing you didn't realize it would turn your urine blue. Kalpana: I didn't do this to myself. You have to believe me. I'm sick! I'm sick. I have something ... Burke (interrupts): No. You're just deceiving yourself. Manufacturing things that really aren't there, seeing only what you want to see. Wasting our time, our resources, and throwing away your own life. Your illness is in your head, Kalpana. We will be transferring you to psych. (Jeremiah's O.R. Dr. Bailey is still performing CPR) Bailey: Come on! Come on, don't give up. Come on. Meredith: You're getting tired. Let me take over, Dr. Bailey. (Dr. Bailey moves away and pulls Meredith to where she was standing. Meredith starts performing CPR) Addison: Dr. Bailey, his intestines are cyanotic. There is no blood circulating. Bailey: It's been shunted to his brain where he needs it. (She looks at Meredith) You call those compressions? (She moves Meredith out of the way and resumes CPR. Meredith and Addison make eye contact) Bailey: Fight it. Come on. (Addison shakes her head. Everyone has stopped what they're doing.) Bailey: Why isn't anyone moving? Whose recording? Addison: It's been ten minutes since we've had a perfusing rhythm. (She tries to stop Dr. Bailey. Dr. Bailey shrugs her off. The monitor flat lines) Addison: It's your call, Dr. Bailey. Bailey (still continues CPR): 1,2,3,4. ... 1,2,3,4 ... 1 ... (She stops. The only sound is the monitor flat lined. Dr Bailey pulls of her mask.) Bailey: Asystole. (She looks at the clock) Time of death: 19:26. (She walks out of the O.R trying not to cry) (Dr. Bailey cleaning her hands furiously in the room adjoining the O.R. She stops when she sees some doctors covering up Jeremiah's body. Addison walks in and starts washing her hands. Dr. Bailey resumes washing her hands. Meredith walks in. Dr. Bailey leaves the room) Addison (sighs): It's hard to accept the end when you're too close. (She looks down at the wedding ring she has put back on her finger after cleaning her hands. Meredith notices this. Addison sees her looking) Addison: Look, I don't want someone who doesn't want me, Meredith. But if there's the slightest chance that he does, I'm not leaving Seattle. (Addison leaves the room. Meredith looks after her) (Derek and Alex with Samuel in a post-recovery ward) Samuel: What did she tell them? Derek: That you cheated on her. That she was drunk and you were cleaning your guns in the kitchen. Samuel: I'm not gonna press charges. Alex: It doesn't matter, she confessed. Assault the first degree. Samuel: They arrested her? Alex: Man, you should be grateful. Samuel: You know what I am? I'm stupid. Nothing will make you feel more stupid than cheating on the woman you love. You don't know what you're missing. (Derek ponders this. Alex does too and makes eye contact with Izzie who's putting a chart away at the nurse's station. She smiles and walks away.) (Cristina in her room wearing her own silk dressing gown. Her mother is back sitting by the window. Cristina is up standing pacing the room) Helen: Your latte is by your bed, and I'm pretty sure it's cold. Cristina (sighs): I don't need it. Helen: You should be in bed. Cristina: Stop it. I'm fine. Ok? My brain is fine. My body is fine. I'm fine. Helen: I don't know why I came. Cristina (annoyed): Then why did you? You know I'm ... You know just stop it. I don't ... I'm sorry I'm not that person. I'm sorry, I don't, I don't need you here taking care of me. (Izzie walks in smiling) Cristina: Well? Izzie: You were right. Kalpana definitely suffers from Munchausen's. Cristina (turns to her mother): See I was right. (speaks to Izzie) I was right. (speaks to herself, closing her eyes) I was right. (She keeps her eyes closed but her face starts screwing up) Cristina (starts crying): I was right. I was ... (Izzie stops smiling and looks at Cristina as if she's grown a second head) I was right. Oh...I'm, I'm (lets out a sob) I'm right. I'm (sobs) I'm right. I'm ... (Seattle scenes) (SGH hallway) (Richard is talking with Alex) Richard: You took the clinical skills section of your medical board exams after most interns, so the results are only now coming out. I got a call from USMLE this morning. (Realization dawns on Alex) Alex: Oh. So you're, you're saying ... Richard: Karev, you're still an MD. You still get to practice medicine. The hospital grants you 4 months to retake the exam. You study it, you pass it, you put it behind you. One misstep doesn't affect your career. Alex (nods): Right, right, right. Thanks. Thanks. (Richard begins to walk away) Alex: What happens uh if I take the exam for a second time and I don't pass? Richard: You will no longer be a surgical resident at Seattle Grace. Failing again is not an option. (Richard walks away) (Derek is sitting by himself with his divorce papers. He is struggling to sign them) (Cristina's room where she is sobbing loudly on her bed. Meredith comes running in. Izzie, George and Helen are in there) Meredith (panicked): What's going on? Cristina: I can't stop. I can't. I can't stop ...(sobs) Izzie: Crying. She can't stop crying. Meredith: I can see that! What did you guys do to her? Izzie: Nothing! George: She's going to dehydrate. Cristina do you want some water? (Cristina shakes her no, still sobbing) Cristina: No, no. (Meredith moves in to hug her) George & Izzie: NO! (George pulls Meredith away. Cristina has shied away from Meredith) Izzie: I already tried that. It just made it worse. Helen: I knew she'd break sooner or later. Just a matter of time. Cristina: I will kill her! (Meredith starts escorting Helen out of the room) Meredith: Ma'am. Helen: I'm her mother! Meredith: We don't do well with mothers here. Why don't you leave and come back later. (George tentatively hands Cristina a tissue. Meredith walks back in) Meredith: Cristina ... Cristina (still sobbing): Make, make it stop. Make it sto-opp. (Continues crying. George tries to hand her another tissue) Cristina (yells): Somebody sedate me! (George runs out of the room. Cristina continues sobbing) MVO: Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. (Ellis Grey's room. Richard is standing over her. He finds a soft armed restraint) MVO: And when the damn bursts all you can do is swim. (George is watching through a window) MVO: The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. (George walks in) MVO: We can only lie to ourselves for so long. (George takes the restraint from Richard and places it on Ellis's arm himself. Richard watches him. Ellis looks at Richard.) (Kalpana's room where she is by herself) MVO: We are tired. We are scared. Denying it doesn't change the truth. (Dr. Bailey on the mezzanine in the hospital. She makes a phone call on her cell) Bailey: Hi. Mrs. Tate? It's Miranda. (She nods, her voice breaks) Miranda Bailey. I'm calling about Jeremiah. (She starts crying) I'm so sorry. (Cristina's room where she is now lying on her bed, silent tears still drip down her face. Her mother is entering things into her phone. Dr. Burke stops by dressed in a suit ready to go home. He enters the room and Cristina looks at him. He looks at her mother who stops what she's doing and stares. He puts down his stuff on a chair, smiling at her mother. She smiles back. He moves to stroke Cristina's hair) Helen: She doesn't want to be touched. (Dr. Burke pulls away and looks at Cristina whose trying not to cry. He takes off his jacket and gets into the bed next to her. He holds her in his arms as she starts to cry again.) Burke: Ssh. Ssh. (He pulls her closer and kisses her forehead) MVO: Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial ... and face the world head on gun's blazing. (Alex has just entered Joe's bar. Izzie is waiting for him looking absolutely gorgeous. He still seems upset about the news Richard gave him) Izzie: Hi. Alex: Hey. Izzie: You look great. (She moves into to kiss his cheek but he moves away) Alex: Thanks. Izzie (smiling): Are you okay? Alex (abrupt): Yeah, you ready to go. Izzie (losing the smile): Yeah. You just ... you don't seem like yourself. Alex: No, ah look...We've got dinner reservations so we should go, so ah ... let's go. Izzie: Okay. (Alex goes out the door. Izzie looking upset grabs her purse and follows him. Meredith is taking off her coat and Derek putting his briefcase on a chair. They're taking a seat at a high table.) MVO: Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freaking ocean. Meredith: I'm glad we're doing this. Derek: Me too. Want a drink? Meredith: Yes. (Derek knocks over his briefcase off the chair.) Oh. Derek: I've got it. Meredith (bends over): I'll get it. (Derek gets his brief case. Meredith picks up his divorce papers which have fallen out. She looks at them. He has not signed them) MVO: So how do you keep from drowning in it? (Meredith looks at Derek and he looks down. Meredith continues to stare at him.)	Plan: A: surgery; Q: What is Cristina recovering from? A: a visit; Q: What is Cristina receiving from her mother? A: bed; Q: Where does Cristina refuse to rest? A: Münchhausen syndrome; Q: What does Cristina diagnose Burke and Izzie's patient with? A: all day; Q: How long does Cristina refuse to mourn? A: Addison; Q: Who gives Derek divorce papers to sign? A: his mind; Q: What can't Derek make up? A: Alex; Q: Who asks Izzie on a date? A: one; Q: How many of his board exams did Alex fail? A: Alex and Derek; Q: Who treat a man who claims to have shot himself in the head? A: Bailey; Q: Who treats a patient with cystic fibrosis? A: Ellis; Q: Who is still in the hospital and believes she is working? A: George; Q: Who is assigned to watch Ellis? Summary: Cristina is still recovering from her surgery while receiving a visit from her mother. Not wanting to rest in bed, she uninvitedly diagnoses Burke and Izzie's patient with Münchhausen syndrome . Eager to seem fine, Cristina has refused to mourn all day, but in the end, she breaks down. Addison gives Derek divorce papers to sign, but he can't make up his mind. Alex asks Izzie on a date, but before their date he learns that he failed one of his medical board exams and will have to retake it and pass or give up surgery. Alex and Derek treat a man who claims to have shot himself in the head. Bailey treats a patient with cystic fibrosis who is very important to her and has been her patient since she was an intern. Ellis is still in the hospital and believes she is there working. George has been assigned to watching her but he keeps losing her.
Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The cemetery. The camera closes in on the top of the perimeter wall. A pair of hands hook over the top, and Buffy pulls herself up. She coughs while she pulls her legs over. She jumps down the other side. When she hits the ground she can't keep her balance, and has to use her hands to keep from toppling over. She breathes heavily through her mouth because her nose is stuffed up. Every now and then she sniffles. She pulls a stake out of her jacket. She puts her hand on her forehead and moans as she stands up. Slowly she starts to make her way across the graveyard. Cut to in front of her. The camera follows her as she walks, still sniffling and rubbing her nose. She senses something and tries to concentrate while she slowly approaches a small mausoleum. She raises her stake and jumps around the corner, swinging it to strike at whatever's there. Xander screams and reflexively jumps back, holding on tightly to his own stake. Cordelia lets out a high-pitched scream behind him. Willow is there, too, and the girls both reflexively hold up crosses at Buffy. Buffy: Non-vampire. Plus two. Willow: (sternly as she puts her cross away) Hi. They all step out into the open. Xander: Man, Buffy! My whole life just flashed before my eyes! (glances over at Willow) I gotta get me a life! Buffy: What are you doing here? Willow: What are you doing here? Buffy: Well, I'm patrolling! Willow: (concerned) Buffy, you're sick. Buffy: No, I feel fine. I mean, I'm... the world's spinning a little bit, but I like it, it's kinda like a ride. Cordelia: Half the school's out with this flu. It's a serious deal, Buffy. We're all concerned about how gross you look. Buffy: (with a hint of sarcasm) I'm touched. Really. But I have work to do. Willow: Buffy, come on, one night of rest is not gonna kill you. Buffy: No, but it might kill somebody else. Xander: (points at her with his stake) You mean Angel might. (Buffy turns away) Buffy, this is not the time to challenge Angel for the ultimate fighting championship. (gestures with his stake) He's at full strength, you're only half a Slayer. Buffy: Yeah, but I'm still the Slayer. And as long as I am, Angel's not gonna kill anybody else. Angelus: (behind her) Aw, c'mon. (she turns to face him) Just one more. He attacks, and the girls scream. He runs right past Buffy straight for Cordelia and tackles her to the ground. Buffy grabs him by the back of his coat and pulls him off of her. She turns him around, takes him by the coat collar and swings at him with her stake. He blocks her with his arm, grabs hers and makes her drop the stake. Angelus: Not feeling well, lover? Buffy looks up at him and punches him in the jaw. He glares back at her and tries to kick her, but she grabs his foot and shoves his leg up, making him fall hard onto his back. Buffy: That helps. Angelus scrambles to all fours. She comes at him from behind and tries to kick him, but he kicks out with his leg into her chest, and she staggers back a ways until she regains her balance. He gets up and comes toward her. She takes a couple of swings at him, but he evades them easily. He blocks a third, grabs her arm and takes her by the throat. Angelus: You know, you being off your game's kinda takin' the fun out of all this. He punches her in the face, and she stumbles backward again. Angelus: Nope, still fun! He punches her in the gut, then grabs her by the neck and shoves her around and into a corner column of the small mausoleum. She is dazed and tries to regain her balance, but doesn't get a chance because Angelus wastes no time punching her in the face and knocking her flat on her back. He gets on top of her and pins her arms down. Angelus: Uh-oh. This does not look good for our heroine. He starts to bend down to bite her, but just then Willow throws Xander's jacket over Angelus' head. As she backs away, Xander grabs his head under the jacket, punches him and knees him twice in the face. Angelus falls over onto his back. Willow and Cordelia pull out their crosses and hold them out at him as he gets up, and he has to back off. Xander: Take a walk, overbite. Buffy gets to her feet. Angelus slowly backs away. Angelus: We'll have to do this again sometime. He turns and walks off. Buffy just watches him go. Xander: Buffy, are you okay? Buffy: (puts her hand to her forehead) I told you guys to leave, I... (getting dizzy) I... Oh... She falls to the ground unconscious. Xander: Buffy! Willow and Cordelia turn to look. Willow: Buffy? Xander kneels next to her and looks at the fallen Slayer. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Sunnydale Hospital Emergency Room. The camera pans from an empty gurney past the admissions desk and over to the entrance. Xander rushes in with Buffy in his arms. Willow and Cordelia are right behind him. Xander: We need help! Willow: Somebody, please, now! Intern: (approaches them) What happened? They all speak at once. Xander: She fell. Willow: The flu. Cordelia: She fainted. A nurse brings over the gurney. Xander: The flu, fainted and fell. She's sick, make it better! Intern: (pulls the gurney up) It's gonna be okay. Let's get her up. Xander lays Buffy out on the gurney. The intern takes out his pocket light and checks Buffy's eyes for a response. The nurse takes notes while he speaks as they start to wheel her into the emergency room. They all follow. Intern: Patient's unconscious... Pupils are unequal and unresponsive. Cordelia: What does that mean? Willow: Is she gonna be okay? Intern: Please, you gotta give us some room. Dr. Wilkinson: (arrives) What do we have? Intern: High-grade fever, possible fractures. Dr. Wilkinson: Get her into Trauma 1, give her a CBC, Chem 7, type and screen. Intern: Right. The Intern and nurse take her through the doors to the emergency room beyond. They all try to follow, but Dr. Wilkinson blocks their way. Dr. Wilkinson: I'm sorry, you can't go any further. Xander: Someone should be with her! Dr. Wilkinson: I'm sorry! You can't go any further. She backs in and closes the door in their faces. They look through windows for a couple of seconds. Willow reacts first. Willow: I'll call Giles, tell him what happened. (to Cordelia) You call Buffy's mom, tell her, n-not what happened, just get her here. The two of them go to find the phones. Xander keeps looking in through the emergency room door, where he can see the doctor and intern still working on Buffy. He looks away as they wheel Buffy into Trauma 1. Cut to later. Cordelia, Xander and Willow are sitting on a row of chairs in the waiting room with worried looks on their faces. The camera pans over to the door where Giles is also waiting and nervously cleaning his glasses. The camera continues to pan over to the elevator. The door opens and Joyce comes out. She sees them sitting there. Joyce: Where is she? They all get up. Giles comes over also. Giles: She's still in the emergency room. Joyce: I wanna see her. (starts out of the waiting room) Cordelia: They won't let us in there. Joyce stops and looks back at her. Just then Dr. Wilkinson comes to the door. Dr. Wilkinson: Mrs. Summers? Joyce: (faces her) Yes? Dr. Wilkinson: I'm Dr. Wilkinson. Joyce: Is Buffy okay? Dr. Wilkinson: We were able to stabilize and... Joyce: (interrupts insistently) Is she okay? Dr. Wilkinson: (reassuringly) She's going to be fine. Joyce: (with relief) Thank you. (puts her hand to her face) Xander: Good. Good. (rubs his hands) That's good. Dr. Wilkinson: I wanna keep her here a few days, though. She still has some healing to do. Giles and Joyce look at her anxiously. Cut to a hall upstairs near Buffy's assigned hospital room. They are all waiting for her to be brought up. When they see her coming they all approach the bed. She has an IV in her right hand. Her left forearm is wrapped in an elastic bandage. Joyce: Buffy? (reaches the bed) Hi, sweetheart. They all accompany her toward her room. Xander: Hey, Buffy, we're all here. Buffy: (groggy) Hey. Here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home? (tries to get up) Dr. Wilkinson: (pushes her back) No. Buffy, you need to lie down, honey. Buffy: (groggy) Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's... not my bed. Dr. Wilkinson: (looks at Joyce) She's still a little out of it. Joyce nods back. Buffy: (to Xander) Shhh! (points at him) Hospital zone. No singing. Dr. Wilkinson: She'll feel better after (Buffy looks at her) she's been here a while. Buffy: No! (tries to get up again) Lemme go. Look, I wanna go. The orderly pushing the bed, two nurses and Dr. Wilkinson struggle to get her to lie back down. Buffy puts up a fight. Willow: Buffy, what's wrong? Buffy: No! No! Let me go! Cordelia: I think she wants to go. They manage to get her pushed back down on the bed. Buffy: No, don't do that! Stop it! Dr. Wilkinson: Hold her steady! Buffy: (delirious) Giles, tell them! Orderly: I got her. Buffy: The vampires! I need to kill the vampires! Dr. Wilkinson: This'll help you relax. She puts a needle against Buffy's inside elbow and injects her with a sedative. Xander throws Giles a concerned look. Cordelia cringes and looks away. Buffy: Ow! (winces in pain) No! When the doctor pulls the needle back out she lies back and breathes heavily. Xander: It's gotta be the fever. Willow: Yeah, it made her delusional. Buffy: (to Giles insistently) They're out there! Giles: (smiling reassuringly) Yes, uh, well, we'll, uh, we'll get those, uh, vampires later. (laughs lightly, looks at Joyce) I hear it's best t-to play along. (keeps smiling) The sedative takes effect and Buffy begins to relax. One of the nurses checks her IV. Her mother leans in and strokes her hair. Joyce: Honey, listen... Buffy: I wanna go home. Joyce: It's gonna be okay. I promise. They start to wheel her away again. Buffy: Please don't make me stay here... Joyce: I promise. They all follow as Buffy is taken to her room. They wait outside. The door closes and Xander looks in through the narrow window. After a moment he looks over at Giles. Xander: That was a new experience. I'm not used to seeing Buffy scared like that. Joyce: Yeah, she just hates hospitals. Ever since she was a little girl. Willow: What happened? Joyce: When she was eight her cousin Celia died in a hospital. Buffy was alone with her at the time. Cordelia: Yuk! Joyce: Yeah, they were very close. Willow: Wow, and she was eight? Joyce: (looking in at Buffy) Well, it looks like she's asleep. I should go call her father. (heads toward the nurse's station) Giles: (accompanies her) Um, I-I think there's a, a phone... The camera follows them. Joyce: Thank you for coming. I-I really appreciate the way you look out for her. Giles: Oh... Joyce: All of you. Giles: Well, we're, uh, we're very fond of her. (they stop at the nurse's station) The, uh, the telephone. (starts away) Joyce: I, I... (stops him) I hope I'm not out of line, but... I-I-I wanted to say how sorry I am about, uh, that teacher, Ms. Calendar. Buffy said you were close. Giles: (nods slightly) Oh, uh... (looks down) Thank you. (looks up) Joyce: (exhales) Buffy's been so down since it happened. I mean, she never gets sick. Giles: (looks down) Well, I'm sure she'll be, uh... (looks up, smiles reassuringly) She'll be fine. Joyce: I'm sorry, I, I babble when I'm nervous, I just wanted to... Well, if, if you need anything... Giles: (nods) Thank you. (quietly) Thank you. (walks off) Joyce turns to the nurse to ask to use the phone. Cut to outside Buffy's door. Xander: Do you think she's gonna be okay in here? Cordelia: (pacing) I don't know, Lysette got her nose done here, and she came in looking for the Gwyneth Paltrow, and it looked more like the Mr. Potatohead. She steps over to the door and looks into Buffy's room. Xander: Cordy... Willow: Buffy's not here for cosmetic surgery. Cordelia: No, but while she's in here, she might as well get that thing done. Willow gives Xander a look. Cordelia: You know, that thing on her face? (faces them) You know that thing. Willow: (to Xander) Do you think Angel will attack Buffy in here? Xander: He can come in, it's a public building. Willow: (worried) That's true. Cordelia: Am I the only one that's noticed that thing? Cut to the hospital at night. Cut to Buffy's room. She stirs in her bed. The clock on the nightstand changes to read 2:27am. Cut to her IV slowly dripping in. The LED on the heart monitor next to the IV blinks steadily. The camera pans down from it to Buffy's face. She takes a deep breath as she wakes up. She blinks her eyes several times before looking over at the door. It's standing open, and a young boy is there just silently staring in at her. A few moments later he starts away down the hall. She continues to look out the door, and a man in a black suit and hat walks by. Cut to a closeup of the man. He glances into Buffy's room as he walks by. She sees his face. It's all disfigured, his nose is long and bent down to a point, his teeth are all long fangs, and his fingers are grossly elongated. He looks back after the boy and continues to follow him out of view. Buffy raises her head in disbelief. She pushes her hair back with her bandaged hand and slowly sits up. She gets out of bed and steadies herself to a stand. She ties her robe closed as she walks out of the room. Cut to the hall. It's deserted except for the janitor mopping the floor behind her. As she walks she has a flashback to her youth, and the corridor is suddenly brightly lit. Little Buffy comes walking down the bright but deserted hall. The camera closes in on her face. Cut to her view of a cart of surgical instruments. Cut to her again, looking around nervously as she walks. Cut to a shot from behind her as she approaches Celia's room. Sunlight is pouring brightly from the door. She edges up to it and goes in. Cut to inside the room. Little Buffy comes in and slowly goes over to the curtain pulled around Celia's bed. Cut to Buffy in her hospital bed. The clock on the nightstand changes to read 2:27am. She stirs and wakes from her dream. Her door is open, but there's no one there. She pushes her hair back with her bandaged hand and slowly sits up. She feels the IV in the back of her right hand and looks at it. She pulls the tape off and the needle out. She covers her face with both hands, draws them back through her hair and starts to get out of bed. Cut to her walking down the hall, holding her robe closed with her hands. It's deserted except for the janitor mopping the floor behind her. She hears coughing coming from a room and looks in. A woman is tucking in an old man and comforting him. Woman: You'll be fine. Is that better? She continues down the hall and looks into the next room. An old woman is sitting on the edge of the bed with her face in her hands. She continues, hears the old woman cough and lets out a little cough of her own. She passes another doorway and walks past the camera. A security guard looks out from the doorway and watches her go. Cut to another part of the hall near the children's ward. Buffy comes walking toward the door as two orderlies wheel a child covered with a sheet out of the ward. Orderly: Man, I hate it when you lose the young ones. They go down the hall past Buffy. She looks at the gurney as they go by. She turns back to the children's ward door and slowly approaches it. She can hear Dr. Wilkinson and Dr. Backer arguing inside in hushed tones, so she doesn't go in. Dr. Wilkinson: I'm just saying, step back on the dosage until we can analyze the results. Dr. Backer: There isn't time. I should think that would be clear to you by now. Buffy peeks into the room and sees them arguing. Dr. Wilkinson: The normal course of treatment... Dr. Backer: (interrupts) They aren't responding to the normal course of treatment. (gestures to the kids) Look, they're getting worse. Dr. Wilkinson: Raising their temperatures is poten... Dr. Backer: (interrupts) Dr. Wilkinson! I have the consent of the parents. Dr. Wilkinson: They're desperate! They don't understand what you're... Dr. Backer: (interrupts) You know what, if-if you have a problem with my methods, just take it up with the board. Dr. Wilkinson: I have! Buffy has heard enough, and turns away to go. There in front of her is the little boy she saw in her dream and a little girl. She stops and they look at each other. Ryan: He comes at night. The grownups don't see him. He was with Tina. He'll come back for us. Buffy: Who? Ryan: Death. Buffy looks back and forth between the two kids in disbelief. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale General. Xander is sitting on a chair outside the waiting room across from the nurses' station that is down the hall from Buffy's room. There are two police officers talking to a security guard. Nurses and orderlies are going about their tasks. Angelus comes walking out of the waiting room from the elevator bearing some white flowers and whistling a few bars of "Ode to Joy" from Beethoven's 9th symphony. Xander hears him and looks to see who's coming. When he sees Angelus he quickly gets up and faces him down in the hall. Xander: Visiting hours are over. Angelus: Well, I'm pretty much family. Xander: (trying hard to stay cool) Yeah. Why don't you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess you can't. Angelus: (threateningly) If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you think for one microsecond that you could stop me? Xander: Maybe not. Maybe that security guard couldn't either. Or those cops... or the orderlies... But I'm kinda curious to find out. You game? Angelus: (pauses) Buffy's White Knight. You still love her. (leans in close) It must just eat you up that I got there first. Xander: (fighting his nervousness) You're gonna die. And I'm gonna be there. Angelus slaps the flowers against Xander's chest. Angelus: Tell her I stopped by. He gives Xander one final look and then goes back through the waiting room to the elevator. Xander shudders, covers his mouth and lets out a breath of relief. Cut to a flashback of Little Buffy and Celia. Celia is on the bedroom floor covered with pillows and writhing around, pretending to be trapped under a pile of snow and ice. Celia: Help me, help! Avalanche! Help! Help! I'm trapped! Avalanche! Help! Help! Little Buffy comes in through the door and stops in a heroic stance with her hands on her hips. Little Buffy: Power Girl to the rescue! She kneels down and starts to heave off the pillows as though they're huge, heavy blocks of ice and snow and thuds them aside. Celia: Help me! Help! Help! Please, help! Buffy gets the last pillows off of Celia's face, and she sits up. Celia: You saved me! Thank you, Power Girl! The two girls embrace. Little Buffy: You're safe now. Cut to a flashback of Little Buffy coming into Celia's hospital room. She slowly approaches the curtain around the bed and opens it enough to look in at her cousin. She steps through. Celia is lying there peacefully asleep. Cut to Buffy in her hospital bed. She wakes with a start. Dr. Wilkinson: (coming in) Good morning. Buffy moans, rubs her eyes and sits up. Buffy: Could've fooled me. Dr. Wilkinson: How are you feeling? Looks like your fever's gone down. Buffy: Well, good! Thanks for having me. Let's try and keep in touch. (tries to get out of bed) Dr. Wilkinson: (pushes her back) Not so fast. (inspects Buffy's bandaged arm) Hmm. Buffy: Good 'hmm' or bad 'hmm'? Dr. Wilkinson: Swelling's... gone! (looks up) Does this hurt? Buffy: Nope. Dr. Wilkinson: Amazing. (gets the chart) Buffy: Well, then I should probably go, right? (tries to go again) Dr. Wilkinson: (stops her again) No. Soon. We have to make sure that fever is gone. That's a strong virus you have. Maybe not as strong as you, but... Buffy: I-is that the same virus the kids have? Before Dr. Wilkinson can answer there's a knock on the door. Giles: May we come in? Dr. Wilkinson: Please! (they all come in) Maybe you can keep our patient from bolting. (to Buffy, sternly) Rest! Hmm? (leaves) Xander: (presenting five balloons) Flowers for milady. Buffy: (looks up at them) I think they call those balloons. Xander: (looks up) Yeah, stick 'em in water, maybe they'll grow. Willow: Not to be outdone... (sets school books on the bed) Buffy: Homework! Willow: It's my way of saying, 'get well soon'. Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better. Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name. Giles munches on a grape. Buffy: Chocolate means nothing to me. Willow steps back and looks up at Cordelia. Cordelia: Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. (looks at Giles) I was out of the loop on gifts. Giles: It's, it's tradition among, um... people. Um... (walks up to the bed) Grapes. (sets down the bag) Well, did you, uh, pass the night well enough? A nurse comes into the room and walks around the bed. Buffy: Not really. Something happened I thought you... The nurse checks Buffy's IV. Buffy: You know what? Let's take a walk. Cut to outside the hospital main entrance. The camera pans over to Willow pushing Buffy along in a wheelchair while the others walk alongside. Buffy: Now, this part I could get used to. Willow: Do you want me to go real fast? (gets a look from Giles) Not that I would. Giles: We were discussing, um, stuff. Buffy: Yes, stuff. Um, you know, a girl died here last night. Willow: How? Buffy: Well, the flu. Xander: Flu doesn't exactly sound monsterrific. Buffy: I know. But there's this Dr. Backer, and he's been giving them these experimental treatments. They stop by a bench and Giles sits. Buffy: I-I'm not sure what he's up to, but he's a little creepy. A-and then there was this kid, Ryan. He said he saw something. Giles: Saw what? Buffy: Death. Cordelia: Death? Willow: The Death? As in, 'it is your time'? Giles: Buffy, a-a-a frightened child... Buffy: Yeah, but I thought I saw something. I'm not sure, I was really out of it, but... Cordelia: But you do know that you saw death. Willow: Did it have an hourglass? Xander: Ooo, if he asks you to play chess, don't even do it. The guy's, like, a whiz. Buffy: Maybe it wasn't death. Maybe it was something else. Cordelia: So this isn't about you being afraid of hospitals 'cause your friend died and you wanna conjure up a monster that you can fight so you can save everybody and not feel so helpless? Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact? Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass. Willow: Your mom did tell us about your cousin. Cordelia sits also. Buffy: This has nothing to do with that. This little boy Ryan is afraid of something, something real. As long as I'm forced to stay here, I'm gonna find out what. Xander: So, is this the part where we say, what can we do to help? Cut to the hospital records room after hours that evening. The place is deserted. Cordelia and Xander quietly come in. Cordelia: (whispers) You had to ask that, didn't you? They walk over to a records cabinet. Xander: (quietly) Pft! It'll be cake. Just gotta figure out what killed this little girl Tina, we'll be out. Five minutes tops. (opens a cabinet door) Cordelia: (leans against the wall) This is what happens when you're compassionate towards sick people. They take advantage of you. Xander: (gives Cordelia a look) Uh-huh. Buffy almost died just to put you out. Cordelia: I didn't wanna be the first one to say it. He finds nothing and points over to the cabinet to his right. Xander: You there. (points to his left) Me here. Cordelia: Right. He goes on the next one around the corner. She reluctantly goes back to the one on the other side of the door where they came in. She opens the cabinet and looks in. Suddenly a security guard appears next to her, and she jumps and gasps. Guard: What are you doing here? She gives him a worried smile and lets out a breath. Cut to the library. Willow and Giles come walking in. Willow: So, where do we start? Giles: Hmm? Oh, I don't know. Maybe look into the history of the hospital, bizarre incidents, that sort of thing. Willow: I'm sensing a little less than full committal here. They stop by the counter. Giles: Oh, I-I suppose so. Cordelia may be (inhales) homerically insensitive, but she may also be right. Death and disease are, are things, possibly the only things that, that Buffy cannot fight. It's only natural for her to try to create a-a defeatable opponent. Especially now, after... after Jenny. Willow: (gives Giles a sad look) That's true. But on the 'we live on the Hellmouth' side, these kids may have seen a monster. Giles: (starts toward the stacks) What, a monster that grown-ups can't see? Doesn't ring a bell. (pauses) Unless... Willow: (sits on the table) Unless? Giles: Well, sometimes small children do see something we adults don't: us. Our true selves, our, our... our hidden faces. Willow: So the kids might be afraid of a regular person? (realizes) Like the weird doctor! Giles: Stanley Backer was his name, no? Willow: Let's look him up. (goes to get her laptop) Cut back to the hospital records room. Cordelia has the guard wrapped around her finger. She smiles sweetly at him and pretends to be interested as he leans against the wall and talks. Guard: You know, most people think that security guards are just guys that failed the police exam. But that's not me. This is my career. Cordelia: Stereotypes are so unfair. Guard: I did take the fireman's exam, though. I didn't do so good. Cordelia: Oh, well, you know, I think that security guards (plays with his badge) are way sexier than firemen. They're all sooty. Guard: Well, this is where all the action is anyhow. I'm all the time restraining people. Cut to Xander behind the other storage cabinets. He's found the file he wants and is waiting and listening for an opportunity to get out. Cordelia: Mm, how thrilling. (cut to her) Do you ever get scared? Guard: 'Fear is for the weak.' That's my motto. Either that, or 'Live in the now.' I haven't decided yet. Cordelia: I bet you see a lot of tragedy. You know, like that little girl? Guard: Oh, one of Dr. Backer's patients. Dr. Backer's a great man. He understands... Cut to Xander. He cringes at what he's hearing and thuds lightly back into the cabinet. Guard: ...the real truth about children. Cordelia: (cut to her) What's that? Guard: Sometimes they die. Cordelia closes her eyes. Xander makes another bumping noise, this time loud enough that the security guard hears it. Guard: What was that? (draws his baton) Cordelia: Uh, you know, I didn't hear anything. (tries to get his attention) You know, you have the most... perfect nose I've ever seen. He turns to face her. She giggles and reaches up her finger to run it over his forehead and down the length of his nose. Behind the guard Xander steps over to the door, quietly opens it and goes out. Cordelia: You must work out. Guard: (gives her a little growl) Yeah. Cordelia: (smiles and nods her head) Mm-hm. Cut to the hall outside the records room. Xander waits around the corner for Cordelia. She walks around it and lets out a surprised gasp when she runs into him there. Xander: Could you make just a little more with the touchy-gropey? Cordelia: Jealous? Xander: Of Rogaine boy? (chuckles) I don't think so. (hands her the file) Here, take this to Giles, okay? Cordelia: What about you? Xander: I'm gonna stay here. Cordelia: Oh, right. Your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not? Xander: Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back. Cordelia: Yeah, well, I've seen you watch her back. Xander: What is that supposed to mean? Cordelia: Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for 'looking at her butt.' You know, sort of a pun. Xander: Oh! Right. (gets the insult) Hey! Cordelia: Well, you do. Xander: Jealous? Cordelia: Fine. Watch my back. She walks past him and down the hall. He turns around and watches her go. He tilts his head to check out her butt, but quickly straightens back up again. Cut to the hall outside the children's ward. Buffy comes along, stops by the door and looks into the room. Ryan is sitting at a table drawing a picture with crayons. Buffy walks over to him. Buffy: Hey. Remember me? Ryan: You shouldn't be here. Buffy: Why not? Ryan: Contagious. Buffy: Nah. I already got what you got. She sits down by the table. Ryan goes back to drawing his picture. Buffy: Oh, what, you think because I'm a grown-up? Believe me, I'm not that grown up. She takes a look at his picture. It's of the monster that he's seen coming after the other kids. Buffy briefly flashes back to when she saw it walk past her door in her dream. Ryan: He'll come again tonight. Buffy: Ryan, listen to me. (he looks at her) I'm not gonna let this thing hurt you. Any of you. Grown-ups don't believe you, right? Well, I do. We both know that there are real monsters. But there's also real heroes that fight monsters. And that's me. He looks away and goes back to drawing his picture. Ryan: Can't fight death. Cut to the library. Willow is sitting at the table surfing for information on her laptop. Giles is standing behind her looking over her shoulder. Dr. Backer's medical database file comes up on the screen. Giles: Our Dr. Backer has something of a rap sheet. Willow: Reprimands for controversial experiments, risky procedures, a malpractice suit. Looks like it was dropped suddenly. Giles: (takes off his glasses) Factor in Buffy's observation that he gives her the, um, uh, wiggins... (turns away and thinks) Willow: This may be our death guy? Giles: (turns back to her) I just wish I knew what he was doing to these children. She looks up at him. Cut to a deserted hall in the hospital. Cut to Dr. Backer's office. He's deep into his research and mutters under his breath. He looks up from his printouts and steps over to his refrigerator. He opens it, pulls a specimen from a rack, checks the label and marks it. He puts the test- tube back, closes the fridge and reaches for a reference volume on his desk. He sits back down as he quickly leafs through it and finds the page he wants. He reads it back to himself and jots some notes onto his papers. Dr. Backer: Yes. Yes. Cut to the hall. Xander is sitting on a chair, waiting out his self- imposed sentry duty. He nearly nods off, but jerks his head back up. Cut to the table between his chair and the next one. A bag of Krispy Kreme doughnuts plops down onto it. The camera pulls back, and Cordelia walks in front of it and sets down a tray with two cups of coffee. Xander looks up at her as she sits down. She looks back at him, then turns her attention to a copy of Cosmopolitan that she brought with her. Xander reaches for one of the coffees. He gives Cordelia another look and takes the bag of doughnuts also. He takes a long sip of coffee and then opens the bag. Cut to the hall outside Dr. Backer's office. He walks out, and the camera precedes him as he makes his way to the children's ward. He goes through one of a pair of doors. The camera stops, pans over to Buffy waiting behind the other door and closes in on her suspicious face. Cut to the children's ward. Dr. Backer comes in and looks around at the various beds as he makes his way over to a particularly sick child. The boy is asleep. He checks his watch and looks at the child for a moment. The boy lets out a labored breath. Dr. Backer raises a syringe, taps it twice to get the air bubbles to the top and depresses the plunger until the fluid starts to squirt out. He takes the IV line and pushes the needle into the drug administration stopper. Behind him he hears a muffled laugh and turns to look, but sees nothing. He looks back at the boy again. Suddenly he gets hit in the back and spun around by something unseen. Dr. Backer: Uhh! He is hit again in the chest and yells out in pain. Ryan sees what's happening from his bed and cowers in fear. Dr. Backer is choking. Four slashes appear on his lab coat that go deep and draw blood. He grabs his wound, but is bent backward onto the bed, still being choked. On the wall a shadow can be seen swinging its arm for another slice at the doctor. He screams, and blood sprays onto the wall. Ryan cowers further under his covers. Cut to the hall. Buffy slowly approaches the door to the ward and looks in, but she quickly has to step back and out of the way as Dr. Backer comes flying out and onto the floor. He groans, and she bends down to help him, but something pushes her away and throws her back into the wall. She hits it hard and slides down to the floor unconscious. Dr. Backer's arms are lifted by the unseen being, and his body is pulled around and dragged down the hall. Further down the hall he is dragged around a corner and out of sight. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale General. Cut to Buffy's room. She's in her bed looking at the picture Ryan drew. The grapes Giles gave her are on a plate on the table. Giles appears in the doorway and knocks. Buffy looks up as he, Xander and the girls come into the room. Willow closes the door behind her. Giles: Uh, well, it looks as if you, uh, were on to something. Buffy: I know. Giles: (walks around the bed) The, uh, the, the girl Tina, um, it's apparent that she, she died of the fever, (sits) simple enough, but, but her records show her improving and then suddenly deteriorating w-w-w- without any apparent cause. Willow: So we checked Dr. Backer out. This guy was not a solid citizen. Buffy: It wasn't Backer. He was clean. Cordelia: What do you mean 'clean'? Xander: What do you mean 'was'? Buffy: He's dead. This thing killed him, and not with kindness. (hands Giles the picture) Willow: You saw it? Giles looks at the rough child's drawing. Buffy: No, it's invisible. I saw Backer nearly shredded and the thing knocked me down. But it's real. Which means I get to fight it. Giles: Um, (takes off his glasses) this is your work? (indicates the picture) Buffy: No, one of the kids. Giles: Oh. Um... Well, it would help if-if we knew what it was. (exhales) I-it's invisible to you, but the, the children can see it. Cordelia: But you said you did see something the other night. Buffy: Uh, yeah, but I was pretty delirious. I mean, it doesn't make any sense. Why would I see it then and not last night? The door to the room opens, and Buffy's mother comes in. Joyce: Good morning. Giles puts his glasses back on. She sets down the bag she brought with her. Joyce: Ooo, looks like I interrupted a secret meeting. They all let out forced laughter. Cordelia: (smiling widely) You sure didn't! Joyce: Honey, I, I just talked to the doctor, and she said I can take you home. Buffy: (considers a moment) No. I should stay here. Joyce: (confused) But, honey, I thought you'd be raring... Buffy: I think my symptoms are flaring up. Willow: She doesn't look well. Buffy: 'Cause I'm not well. Uh, I feel all oogy. Xander: Increased ooginess. That's a danger signal. Joyce: Are you sure? Buffy: Oh, yeah, but just for a day... or s-so. Joyce: Okay, well, I'll, uh, I'll talk to the doctor. She goes back out of the room. Cordelia closes the door behind her. Xander: So what's the drill? Buffy: Giles, see if you can get a mug shot on that guy. I need to know what I'm fighting. Giles: Right. Yes. (walks around the bed) Buffy: I'll check Backer's office. See if I can find any post-its marked 'why a monster might want me dead.' Xander: Sounds like a plan. Buffy: Course, if I find anything, I won't know what it means, so, Will... Willow: Oh, yeah, I'm good at medical stuff since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time. Xander: (chuckles) No, she's being literal. (gets a look from Cordelia) She used to have all these medical volumes, uh, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong. Willow: (to Xander) Wrong? Why? (to Buffy) How did you play doctor? Buffy: (evasively) I never have. Cordelia raises her eyebrows at Buffy and clears her throat. Giles picks up on the hint. Giles: Um, fascinating though this is... Buffy: Yeah, right. Go! Giles: W-w-we'll call you if we... know something. He starts out with Cordelia and Xander close behind. Buffy: Know something soon. Cut to the hall. The three of them start toward the waiting room. Giles: I'd best head for the library. Research beckons. Xander: I'm on sentry duty. Angel won't show till sundown if at all, but maybe I'll get lucky with this death guy. Cordelia: He's invisible. Xander: Yeah, but if I see a floating pipe and a smoking jacket, he's dropped. Giles: Well, you two, stay alert. They stop outside the waiting room. Xander: Finding out who this thing is takes priority. Cordy, you should go with Giles. Giles: Why do I have to have... (looks at Cordelia) Uh, good thinking. I-I-I could do with a research assistant. Cordelia: (to Giles) Let's go, tact-guy. Giles: Yes. (goes to the elevator) Cordelia: (to Xander) Be careful. (follows Giles) Xander sits down on the chair across from the nurse's station. Cut to the children's ward that evening. Ryan opens the door and looks out into the hall. The only person there is the security guard checking things. Ryan steps back into the ward and closes the door. Cut to Dr. Backer's office. The camera closes in on his nameplate on the door. Cut inside. Buffy opens the door and pokes in her head. Seeing that it's empty she opens the door further to let Willow in, checks the hall and closes it behind her. She starts to looks around and checks out the reference volumes on the shelves by the fridge. Willow looks over the papers on his desk. Willow: It's weird going through his things. (Buffy opens the fridge) Look, he didn't finish his coffee. Guess he won't. (looks at the printouts) Buffy: (closes the fridge) Yep, another person I wasn't in time to save. (comes to the desk) It's too bad Angel didn't put me in the hospital sooner. There's something I never thought I'd hear myself say. The two of them keep looking. Willow: Hey, wait, I think I have something. Buffy: Hmm. Sherlock. Willow: Okay, this makes sense. Dr. Backer was trying to inoculate the kids with a controlled dosage of the same virus they already had. (gets a confused look from Buffy) Oh, raising their temperatures to burn the fever out of them. Buffy: Would that work? Willow: According to this it was starting to. So he really was trying to help the kids. Buffy: Till that thing stopped him. Cut to the library. Giles and Cordelia are going through a stack of books on the table. He has Ryan's drawing for comparison. She turns a page and finds a picture of a demon. He takes a sip of his tea. Cordelia: Eww, what does this do? Giles: (puts his mug down) What? Cordelia: What does this do? (pushes the book toward him) Giles: Uh, it, uh, extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells. Cordelia: Wow! (leans over to look at his book) What does this one do? (points to a drawing) Giles: (looks up at her) Um, i-it elongates its mouth to, uh, engulf its victim's head with its incisors. Cordelia: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do? (points to another) Giles: (frustrated) It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done. Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything. He slaps down Ryan's picture and gets up from the table in disgust. He takes off his glasses and rubs his forehead. Giles: I don't even know if we're on the right track. Since this, uh... miscreant has only been seen by select individuals, there's a chance we won't ever... find a picture of it. Cordelia: Well, it's not in here. She closes her book, and on the cover is a drawing of the monster they are seeking. Giles looks down at it and puts his glasses back on. She notices his gaze and looks at the book's cover also. Cut to Giles' office. Cordelia is on the phone with Buffy. Cordelia: It's called Der Kindestod. Buffy: (cut to her on her bed) Who is this? Cordelia: (cut to her) It's me. I've got your monster! Buffy: (cut to her) Where's Giles? Cordelia: (cut to her) Looking up stuff. Buffy: (cut to her) Well, can you put him on? Cordelia: (cut to her) Hey! (closes the book and heads for the desk) I found your guy, (cut to Buffy) okay? Just listen. Buffy: Right. Cordelia: (cut to her at Giles' desk) The name means 'child death'. (cut to Buffy listening intently) This book says that he feeds off of children by sucking the life out of them. (cut to her) Eew! But anyway, afterwards, it looks like they died because they were sick. Buffy: (cut to her) So it did kill Tina. Cordelia: Yeah, that's my take. (cut to her) 'Cause it would be looking at the children's ward as basically an all-you-can-eat kind of thing, y'know. Buffy: (cut to her) Backer was curing the kids and taking away the (cut to Cordelia, nodding) Kindestod's food. Cordelia: Hence, the slice-age. Giles: (comes into his office) I found a picture of how it kills. Let me talk to her. Cordelia: (takes the book and looks) Oh! Eww! Buffy: (cut to her) What? Cordelia: (cut to her) Oh! (cut to Willow, looking concerned) Uh, you should see this thing! The way it does its thing, (cut to her) I mean, eww! (hands the phone to Giles and gets up) Why do I let you guys drag me into this stuff? (leaves) Giles: (into the phone) Uh, uh, Buffy? (cut to Buffy) Are you, are you still there? Buffy: Hanging on every (cut to Giles) eww. Giles: (sits) Uh, the, um, the Kindestod gorges by sitting atop his prey, (cut to Buffy listening closely) pinning it down, uh, helplessly. Then he slowly draws out the life. I-it must be, uh, h-horrifying for the victim. Buffy just stares off into space. Giles: Buffy? Hello? Cut to a flashback of Little Buffy pulling aside the curtain around Celia's bed. Little Buffy: Celia? Celia wakes and starts to scream. She holds her hands in front of her as if trying to push something away. Little Buffy: What's wrong? Celia keeps screaming at the top of her lungs in complete terror. Little Buffy: I don't know what to do, Celia! Celia continues screaming and swats with her hands at something unseen. Little Buffy: (toward the door) Help! Help! Help! Somebody help! Celia: Get it off of me! (screams) Little Buffy: Come on, Celia! Celia: Get it off of me! (screams) Cut to the bright and empty hall outside Celia's room. No one is coming in spite of all the screaming. Cut back to Buffy holding the phone to her ear and staring off into space. Giles: (cut to him) Buffy, w-what is it? Willow: (cut to her) (takes the phone) Thanks. (hangs up) Buffy: It killed Celia. Willow: Your cousin? Buffy: (looks at Willow) We have to get this thing, Willow, before it gets any more kids. Willow: You will. We will. Buffy: But how? I-I can't even see it. Willow: You saw it once. Buffy: Did I? Uh, maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. I mean, I was crazed with that fever. Who knows... Cut inside Dr. Backer's refrigerator. The door opens and the light goes on. Willow: Buffy, think about this. Buffy: I have. Lots of thoughts. (crouches down) Willow: It's crazy. Buffy: (searches the test-tubes) The fever. That's how you see the Kindestod. That's why Celia could see it. That's why Ryan still can. (finds the right one) It's the only way. Cut to the office. Buffy stands back up and faces Willow. Willow: But how are you gonna fight this thing with 107 degree temperature? (42d C) Buffy: I guess we'll find out. She uncaps the tube and raises it to drink the serum. Willow quickly stops her. Willow: Buffy! Buffy: Willow, I'm going to do this. Willow: Buffy, that's 100% pure. It'll kill you in an instant. Buffy: Oh. They really should put that on the label. Willow reaches into the refrigerator for a bottle of drinking water and grabs a beaker that's sitting on top. Buffy closes the fridge while Willow sets the beaker on the desk and opens the bottle. Willow: It needs to be diluted. She pours some water into the beaker and closes the bottle. Buffy: Okay, but this better work fast. Willow takes the test-tube and draws some of the serum into a dropper. She holds it over the beaker and lets a single drop fall in. Buffy: Faster than that. Willow looks up at her, worried, but gives in and puts another drop into the water. Buffy takes the beaker, holds it up and looks at it, then over at Willow. Buffy: Here's to my health. After another moment's hesitation she quaffs the water and serum. Cut to the hall outside the children's ward. Willow and Buffy come around the corner and head toward the ward. Buffy is already feeling the effects of the virus and walks unsteadily, breathing heavily. Willow supports her. Buffy: Oh, God. I'm not sure this was such a good idea. Willow: Hang in there. You'll be okay. Buffy: Okay. I'm okay. They reach the door to the ward, and Buffy looks in through the door's window. The beds are all empty. Buffy: The kids. They're gone. She and Willow exchange a surprised and very worried look. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The basement tunnels under the Hospital. Ryan leads the kids from the children's ward as they try to run away from the Kindestod. Ryan: Come on! Girl: Hold me! Ryan: Keep quiet! Cut to the hall outside the children's ward. Willow: What could have happened? Buffy: I don't know. (faces her) Maybe we're too late. Maybe they moved. (feels her forehead) Maybe I don't... I'm burning up! She looks back into the room and starts to see something. Buffy: Will? Willow: What? Buffy: I think it's in there. A form begins to take shape as though unfolding. It steps over to a bed, and suddenly the Kindestod is clearly visible to Buffy. It looks into a bed and finds it empty. She stares at it through the door's window. The monster looks over at another bed and notices her staring. It straightens itself up and looks at her. Buffy's eyes go wide with fear. It just giggles maniacally and takes off its hat to her. It keeps an eye on her for another moment as it turns toward the other door to the ward, then puts the hat back on and walks to the other door. The Kindestod opens it and goes through, and as it closes the camera cuts to a close- up shot of the sign on the door: basement access. Cut to the hall. Buffy frantically tries to follow, but the door to the ward is locked, and the virus has weakened her enough so that she can't break it open. Buffy: It's going after them! (turns to Willow) We gotta get 'em. Dr. Wilkinson: (coming around the corner) Buffy? Buffy: (to Willow) Okay, we'll get 'em in a second. Dr. Wilkinson: (quickly approaches) What's wrong? Willow: I, uh, she's not feeling well again. Dr. Wilkinson: You should be in bed. (puts her arm around Buffy) Buffy: No, no, it's not that bad. Dr. Wilkinson: No, you're coming with me. (starts to pull her away) Buffy: No! She pushes the doctor away and starts to run down the hall. Willow quickly follows. Willow: (back to the doctor) She's sorry! Dr. Wilkinson: (grabs a phone and dials) Security, come to the children's ward. We have a situation. She hangs up and runs after the girls. Cut to an intersection in the halls. Buffy and Willow come through a pair of doors. The camera pans around down the adjacent hallway where the security guards are coming. They head the girls off at the intersection. Guard: Okay, come on now. (holds his baton threateningly) We can do this the easy way. The two girls give each other worried looks, then Willow has an idea and starts to swat at herself with her hands. Willow: (frantically) Frogs! Frogs! Get 'em off of me! The two guards make for her, assuming she's the reason they were called. Willow: Oh, my God, frogs! Get them off of me! Please, help! Buffy edges around the corner and quickly goes down the other hall. Willow: Get 'em off! FROGS! Frogs! Oh, my God, horrible frogs! Dr. Wilkinson comes through the doors. Willow: (squeals) Get 'em... Dr. Wilkinson: Not her, the other one! Willow: (looks up, calm again) No more frogs! Guard: C'mon! They start to run after Buffy. Cut to Xander sitting at his post in the hall across from the nurse's station. Buffy comes into view and bumps into the wall, unsteady from her fever. Xander looks up, sees her, jumps to his feet and runs to her. Xander: Buffy, are you okay? Did Angel... Buffy: (shakes her head) No. We need to get to the basement. Cut to the basement tunnels. The Kindestod is looking around for signs of the children's passing. Cut to the children weaving their way through the hospital's boiler room. Ryan: Shh! They find a secluded corner and all crouch and huddle together. Girl: I'm cold. Ryan: Here. He takes off his robe and drapes it around the girl. Ryan: Here. We're gonna be safe in here. Boy: Look! The Kindestod appears behind Ryan. The other kids all scream. Ryan: What? It grabs Ryan from behind and lifts him up and away. Ryan: Whoa! Cut to the stairs to the basement tunnels. Xander supports Buffy as they hurry down. Xander: You don't know how to kill this thing. Buffy: I thought I might try violence. Xander: Solid call. They head down the tunnel. Cut to the Kindestod holding Ryan up to look at him. He and the other kids are all screaming. Cut to Xander and Buffy running down the tunnel. Cut to the Kindestod, still holding up Ryan. It throws him aside, and he hits the concrete floor hard. Ryan: Oof! The kids keep screaming. Ryan tries to get up. The monster growls as it slowly comes for him. Ryan turns around and looks up at the Kindestod. He can't scream for fear. It kneels and leans over him, and now Ryan starts to scream again. It takes his head to hold him steady. The boy watches as the monster's eyes bug out and split open. They extend from their sockets down toward his forehead. The monster drools heavily and licks its lips. Its eyes make contact with Ryan's forehead. He screams as he feels his energy being drained. Suddenly the Kindestod gets hit in the head with a large section of pipe, and its eyes snap back into their sockets. Buffy stands over it with the pipe held ready. Buffy: You make me sick. The Kindestod stands up and faces her. She swings the pipe at it again, but the monster blocks it and knocks it from her grip. Although Xander can't see it, he sees that Buffy is fighting something and takes the opportunity to go to Ryan and lift him up from the floor. Xander: Up. He carries the boy over to the other kids. Buffy is not in top form as she fights the Kindestod, and it gains the upper hand and punches her twice in the face, then throws her against a pipe. Xander finds the other children and starts to herd them away. Xander: C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Hurry! He follows them, throwing a few glances over at Buffy along the way. She swings twice at the monster, but it just leans back and avoids the blows. It grabs her again and throws her into another pipe. She recovers quickly, spots a raised grating and hops up onto it. She takes a good look at the Kindestod, and then jumps from the grate and lands a hard kick on its face. It stumbles back and to its knee as she lands on her feet. She kicks it three more times while it tries to get back up. Xander comes back after leading the kids away and watches her fight. He sees her kick, but to him it looks like she's fighting thin air. He hears her get hit, and she spins around and lets out a grunt of pain. The monster takes her by the shoulder and backhand punches her in the face again. He takes her by the throat, lifts her up and throws her into some sections of large duct tube. Buffy is dazed and just lies there on the pipe. The Kindestod reaches down for its hat, brushes it off and puts it back on. Buffy recovers from her daze, but not in time to get away as it kneels and reaches for her head. It holds her steady with both hands. Its eyes bug out and split open again. She reaches up for its head with both hands and gives it a good quick twist. The monster's neck snaps loudly, and it falls over dead next to her. Buffy stands up and looks down at the Kindestod's prone body. Xander finally dares to come closer. Xander: (concerned) Are you okay? Buffy: Actually, (looks up at him) I think I'm starting to feel better. Let's... She takes a step, but loses her balance and falls into Xander. Buffy: Oh! He puts his arm around her to support her, and they go. Xander: He's dead right? I mean, I heard something snap. Buffy: That would be his neck. Xander: You're not gonna yak on me, are ya? Cut to the Summers house. Cut to Buffy's room. Joyce walks in with a sandwich on a plate and a glass of juice. Joyce: Here you go, honey. Peanut butter and jelly, without the crust, just the way you like it. She sits on the bed next to Buffy and puts the glass on the nightstand. Buffy is lying back comfortably. Buffy: And the juice? Joyce: (hands Buffy the plate) Two parts orange, one part grapefruit. Buffy: That's my drink. Joyce: I measured it exactly. (gets up to go) The camera pulls away from Buffy to show Xander lounging on the bed next to her, munching away on cheesy chips and watching TV. Buffy: (looks at the sandwich) Oh, mom? Joyce: Mm-hm? Buffy: I wanted crunchy peanut butter. Joyce: Oh, sorry. (comes back) The camera pulls back even further to show Willow on the floor next to the bed surrounded with pillows. Buffy: A-and I said extra jelly. (hands up the plate) Joyce: (smiles) Anything to help my daughter get well. (starts to go again) Willow: Oh, and while you're up, could I get a refill? (holds out her glass) It's just I'm so comfortable. Joyce: (steps over) Of course. (takes the glass) Willow: Thanks. Xander: Oh, oh, oh, (holds up an empty bag) and another bag of cheesy chips. (tosses the bag away) Joyce: (raises her eyebrows at him) Uh, you ate the last one. Xander: No, there's another bag hidden behind the raisins. Joyce: (sighs) I'm on it. (leaves) Xander: (to Buffy) Your mom's tryin' to Bogart the cheesy chips. What's that all about? Joyce comes back into the room holding an envelope. Joyce: Oh, Buffy, here. Um, this came in the mail. (hands it to Buffy) Buffy: (reads the return address and smiles) It's from Ryan. (opens it) Joyce: The boy from the hospital? Buffy takes out the paper inside and unfolds it. Joyce looks down at it. Joyce: (smiles) Oh, he drew you a picture. Cut to a shot of the picture. It's of Buffy standing over the Kindestod with her foot up on its chest. The monster's neck is split open and blood is gushing out. Joyce: How... nice.	Plan: A: flu; Q: What illness lands Buffy in the hospital? A: the hospital; Q: Where does Buffy end up after getting sick? A: Der Kindestod; Q: What is the name of the demon that Buffy rescues children from? A: a nightmare demon; Q: What is Der Kindestod? A: healthy people; Q: Who is Der Kindestod invisible to? A: the demon; Q: What does Buffy lose her ability to fight when she gets well? A: her young cousin; Q: Who does Buffy avenge? A: her own hospital phobia; Q: What does Buffy put to rest in saving the children? Summary: After flu lands Buffy in the hospital, she rescues fevered children from Der Kindestod , a nightmare demon invisible to healthy people. When getting well means losing her ability to fight the demon, Buffy reinfects herself. In saving the other children, she also avenges her young cousin and puts her own hospital phobia to rest.
WARRIORS OF THE DEEP BY: JOHNNY BYRNE Part Three First Air Date: 12 January 1984 Running time: 24:02 [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Open it! BULIC: The controls are locked. It can now only be opened by the bridge. BULIC: Let him go. BULIC: Stay on guard, Sergeant. GUARD: Yes, sir. BULIC: I must see the Commander. The rest of you follow me. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: That won't do much good. DOCTOR: Get ready. Mind your eyes, Tegan. TEGAN: What did you do to it? DOCTOR: Simple. The charge from the Myrka's body blew up the magazine. TEGAN: It's blinded. DOCTOR: Yes, temporarily. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: The master control to bulkhead one, where is it? NILSON: The Commander's orders were to keep that bulkhead closed. TURLOUGH: I know what the Commander's orders were, but now I'm giving you mine. Open that bulkhead. NILSON: The hydraulic valve has blown. TURLOUGH: The bulkhead opened? NILSON: Yes. But I'm not so sure it closed. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: What do we do if the Myrka breaks in, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, hopefully we can stop it before it does too much damage. TEGAN: You said yourself it's practically indestructible. DOCTOR: Yes, we all have an Achilles' heel, Tegan, including the Myrka. Now we must hurry. I must speak to Vorshak. [SCENE_BREAK] SOLOW: Nilson, I have hidden the woman's body. The escape pod is ready for us. We can leave as soon as Maddox has completed his work. NILSON: Good. [SCENE_BREAK] TARPOK: The Myrka has broken through the bulkhead door. ICHTAR: Command it to make for its objective. [SCENE_BREAK] VORSHAK: Vorshak. NILSON (OOV.): The creature's broken into the Base. Turlough forced us to open the bulkhead door. VORSHAK: Sound full alert, Nilson. Get your best people to Airlock One immediately. They must stop that creature. BULIC: Our weapons have no effect on it. VORSHAK: Have them try! DOCTOR: He's right, Commander. Your weapons are useless against it. VORSHAK: But not against you. You know what Turlough has done? TEGAN: Yes, he saved our lives. VORSHAK: I ordered that bulkhead to be kept closed. DOCTOR: The bulkhead wouldn't have kept the Myrka out for long. PRESTON: Commander, the seals are about to blow. DOCTOR: If it's any consolation, I may just know how to stop it. VORSHAK: When I want your help, I'll ask for it. DOCTOR: You've got nothing to lose. VORSHAK: I should have you shot. DOCTOR: After I've dealt with the Myrka. VORSHAK: All right, but I can't spare you any help. DOCTOR: I need just one person. Someone in authority who can get things done. VORSHAK: Very well. Preston, go with him. PRESTON: Sir. VORSHAK: Kill him if he gives you any trouble. That's an order. The rest of you, get ready. VORSHAK: Get back! Back. [SCENE_BREAK] BULIC: They've got us outgunned, Commander. VORSHAK: I know. It all depends now on whether this bulkhead can hold them. [SCENE_BREAK] SAUVIX: Bring forth the cutting device. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: The Doctor and Tegan, where are they? VORSHAK: They're safe, and contributing to the defence of this Base, as you are. TURLOUGH: Sorry? VORSHAK: You're volunteering your services to defend this bulkhead. [SCENE_BREAK] PRESTON: Preston. GUARD (OOV.): The Myrka's in corridor seven. PRESTON: Delay it's progress as much as possible. GUARD (OOV.): We'll do our best. DOCTOR: It can only be heading for one place. PRESTON: The bridge? DOCTOR: Yes, the bridge. PRESTON: I'll inform the Commander. DOCTOR: Do you have ultraviolet converters on the Base? PRESTON: Yes. DOCTOR: Good. Now, will the Myrka have to pass this way to get to the bridge? PRESTON: If it maintains its present course. DOCTOR: Perfect. I need a converter brought here. PRESTON: Tech unit. [SCENE_BREAK] BULIC: It's not going to hold. VORSHAK: We must break radio silence. BULIC: Have every enemy listening post pinpoint our position? VORSHAK: Sea Base Command has to know about these creatures. We have no choice. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Ah. Set it up here. PRESTON: That'll be all. Carry on. DOCTOR: Now, what do you think. Will the lighting circuit bear maximum converter load? PRESTON: Just about. TEGAN: What have you got in mind? DOCTOR: I'm planning to bring a little sunshine into the Myrka's life. [SCENE_BREAK] BULIC (OOV.): The Commander is on his way up to signal Sea Base Command. Have Maddox stand by for sync up. NILSON: Understood. SOLOW: What are you going to do? NILSON: Maddox must finish what he has started. [SCENE_BREAK] PRESTON: I suppose you know what you're doing. DOCTOR: The Myrka is a creature of the inkiest depths, or it was until the Silurians tinkered with its biology. Anyway, it has little tolerance to light and hopefully none at all to ultraviolet rays. TEGAN: Can you be sure? DOCTOR: No, Tegan. Perhaps you should ask it nicely to go away. [SCENE_BREAK] NILSON: The work goes well. Wait in the escape pod. I'll join you when I can. SOLOW: What about Maddox's conditioning disc? NILSON: Take it with you. It'll provide essential knowledge. SOLOW: Good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] PRESTON: Ready? TEGAN: Ready now? DOCTOR: Yes, almost. PRESTON: Doctor Solow. DOCTOR: Look! DOCTOR: Perfect. Almost. GUARD: 43Y. [SCENE_BREAK] ICHTAR: How fares the course of battle? SAUVIX: The outcome is certain. The ape primitives are no match for my warriors. They will be crushed. [SCENE_BREAK] VORSHAK: You have everything you need? DOCTOR: Yes, I think so. TEGAN: What happened to Turlough? VORSHAK: He's defending Airlock Five with Bulic. Doctor, I've decided to take your advice. I'm contacting Sea Base Command. DOCTOR: Very wise. GUARD: The Myrka's coming this way, sir. GUARD: It killed Doctor Solow. We found this by the body. DOCTOR: Something wrong? VORSHAK: I pray not, Doctor. Get down to Airlock Five. Preston, come with me. VORSHAK: Vorshak. BULIC (OOV.): They're in, sir. The Sea Devils are everywhere. VORSHAK: You must hold them. [SCENE_BREAK] BULIC: We'll try, Commander. VORSHAK (OOV.): Do what you can. BULIC: Back! Get back! [SCENE_BREAK] NILSON: Don't die on me, Maddox. Not yet. Not till you've served your purpose. NILSON: Now, hurry. [SCENE_BREAK] ICHTAR: Are the ape primitives in full retreat? Do you control all strategic areas? SAUVIX: Yes, Ichtar. ICHTAR: Excellent. We expect the Myrka to take the bridge very soon. SAUVIX: Then the outcome is doubly certain. [SCENE_BREAK] NILSON: Yes? VORSHAK: Maddox's conditioning disc. You were ordered to return it to me. NILSON: Solow was in charge of that disc. I assumed she had. VORSHAK: Where is Maddox? NILSON: Inside, checking the sync circuit. VORSHAK: Get him in here. PRESTON: Commander. [SCENE_BREAK] VORSHAK: Maddox! What are you doing? PRESTON: He's still alive. VORSHAK: Check the damage to the other computers. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Here it comes. Now we'll know if my theory was right. TEGAN: Switch it on. DOCTOR: Just a few more feet. TEGAN: Switch it on! DOCTOR: All right, Tegan, close your eyes. Make a wish! TEGAN: Is it dead? DOCTOR: Very. Let's get back to the bridge. TARPOK: The Myrka has been destroyed. ICHTAR: The ape primitives have more cunning than we thought. Sauvix, divert your warriors. We must capture the bridge without delay. SAUVIX: At once, Ichtar. [SCENE_BREAK] VORSHAK: You were in charge of the bridge. How could you not know what was going on in here? PRESTON: Commander! Karina's dead. She's been murdered. VORSHAK: You'll answer to a court martial for this, I promise, but first, you'll revive Maddox and decondition him. I want him ready for sync up. We must signal Sea Base Command. NILSON: I'm afraid we can't do that, Commander. VORSHAK: You'll do it! NILSON: Your weapons, please. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: What do the Silurians want, Doctor? DOCTOR: Obvious. Control the Base and the proton missiles TEGAN: And you control Earth? DOCTOR: Or destroy it. [SCENE_BREAK] VORSHAK: I trusted you, Nilson. NILSON: Don't take it so hard, Commander. Like you, we were only doing our duty. DOCTOR: The Myrka is dead, Commander. NILSON: That's far enough, Doctor. VORSHAK: It seems Nilson is an enemy agent. TEGAN: For the Silurians? VORSHAK: No, our human enemies. NILSON: The power bloc opposed to this Sea Base. DOCTOR: There isn't time for your petty feuds. NILSON: I know what I'm doing, Doctor. DOCTOR: Do you? Before long, the Silurians and the Sea Devils will have control of this Base. VORSHAK: And control of the proton missiles. NILSON: Missiles they can't fire. Maddox has irreversibly rigged the computers to that effect. DOCTOR: The technology of these creatures predates yours by millions of years. If they intend to fire those missiles, they have the means, I assure you. NILSON: They won't have time. As soon as I've left in the escape pod, this Base will be attacked and everything on it, including the creatures and all of you, will perish. MADDOX: Nilson, you made me kill Karina. Now you're going to NILSON: I'm sorry, Maddox, but your usefulness is at an end. NILSON: Leave him! He's dead. NILSON: If any of you try to follow me, she dies. [SCENE_BREAK] SAUVIX: Isolate them. [SCENE_BREAK] PRESTON: The computers have been badly damaged. VORSHAK: Vorshak. GUARD (OOV.): There's not much more we can do, sir. The Sea Devils have just breached the bridge perimeter. VORSHAK: Where are Bulic and Turlough? GUARD (OOV.): Dead, or taken, Commander. VORSHAK: I'm sorry. DOCTOR: I'm going after Nilson. [SCENE_BREAK] SAUVIX: The way to the bridge is cleared. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: We've got to get out of here. BULIC: To go where? The Sea Devils are all over the place. TURLOUGH: The TARDIS? At least we'd be safe there. [SCENE_BREAK] NILSON: Be still, woman. Pity all the Doctor's efforts were to no avail. TEGAN: You haven't got away yet. NILSON: Stay where you are. You were very foolish to follow me, Doctor. DOCTOR: Let Tegan go. She's of no use to you now. Killing us won't make your escape any easier. You fire, and every Sea Devil in the area will come running. NILSON: I'll take that risk. DOCTOR: Tegan, make a wish! NILSON: Goodbye, Doctor. DOCTOR: Goodbye. SAUVIX: Your turn.	Plan: A: the bases air locks; Q: What do the Silurians and Sea Devils attack? A: the saboteurs; Q: Who takes advantage of the distraction to go ahead with their own plans? Summary: While the Silurians and Sea Devils attack the bases air locks, the saboteurs take advantage of the distraction to go ahead with their own plans.
ACT ONE THIS GETS TRICKY, SO PAY ATTENTION Scene One - Cafe Nervosa - UNIVERSE 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier and Roz are having coffee together. Frasier: All right, if you must know, I'm just about to leave for something called a "speed date." Roz: What's a speed date? Frasier: Well, apparently it's the latest thing: twelve men and twelve women get together in a room. They spend eight minutes talking to one other and then move on to the next person after a bell rings. Basically, it's all the stress and humiliation of a blind date... times twelve. Roz: Wow, talk about desperate. So what brought this on? Frasier: Well, I'm just so tired of being surrounded by happy couples, I just thought I should do something a bit more proactive. Roz: You wouldn't be talking about Niles and Daphne, would you? Frasier: Oh, among others. Believe me, no one could be happier for Niles than I, but there are days when his lovesick swain act wears the tiniest bit thin. Niles walks up. He is carrying a shopping bag and his jacket. He is wearing a t-shirt (!) that has a heart-shaped picture of Daphne and him on it surrounded by red hearts. He has a huge grin on his face. Niles: Hello, all. He holds a pose in front of them. Frasier rolls his eyes. Niles: Notice anything different? Roz: I like it. Niles: Thank you. I've never worn an undergarment in public before. Frasier: Is that my sweater? Niles: Oh, yes, here. What's the emergency? He hands over the bag and sits. Frasier: Well, actually, I was going out this evening and I was thinking about changing my attire. While the suit projects a certain professionalism, you know "Dr. Frasier Crane," I was thinking perhaps the sweater could impart a more casual feel, "Just Fraizh." [He holds the sweater up.] Any thoughts? Roz: [after a beat, she turns to Niles] So I bet you and Daphne have big Valentine's Day plans. Niles: Oh, yes. She's cooking dinner for me and then I've a big surprise planned. I'm taking her to Cancun for a long romantic weekend. Roz: Not bad! Niles: Yes, I'm whisking her to the airport in a limo filled with exotic orchids. You don't think that's a too over the top, do you? Roz: No, I think that boat sailed with your t-shirt. Frasier: Here's an idea: what if put the sweater under the jacket? Then I'll get the best of both worlds. Niles: [rising] Honestly, Frasier, could you be more self-absorbed? Goodbye, Roz. If you want to know more about our trip, we'll have pictures on our website when we get back. He leaves. Roz turns back to Frasier who is still fussing with the sweater. Roz: Oh, for God's sake, Frasier, flip a coin. Frasier: I know this may seem like nothing to you, Roz, but the tiniest decision can shape your whole destiny. So, which path should I follow? [He begins raising and lowering the sweater in front of himself.] Sweater? Suit. Sweater? Suit. Sweater? Roz: [grabbing her head] Oh just pick one! Frasier: Fine, you're right. Okay, fine. We'll go with... the suit. He puts the sweater back in the bag and rises. Roz: You made the right choice. Frasier: Wish me luck. He starts to walk out, but bumps into a man (Mike) getting up from a stool at the counter. Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Pardon me. Say, don't you work at KACL? Mike: Yeah, I just started. Mike Schafer. They shake hands. Frasier: Oh, hi, Mike. Frasier Crane. Have you met Roz Doyle? Mike: No. Frasier: Oh, you are new, aren't you? Roz gives him a look. Roz: Can I buy you a cup of coffee? Frasier again turns to leave. However, a young woman (Monica) spills a cup of coffee as she hands it to a waitress is holding and jumps up, backing her chair into him and knocking him to the floor. Monica: Oh, my god. Roz: Frasier! Are you okay? She helps him up. Frasier: Well, I - ow! Gosh, I think I've wrenched my shoulder. Monica: Oh, I am so sorry. Frasier: No, that's all right. Ow! Monica: Oh, I'm taking you to the emergency room. Please, it's the least I can do. Roz: Frasier, I have my car right outside, I'll take you. Frasier gives her a meaningful look. Frasier: Roz, don't you have coffee waiting? [He turns to Monica.] Hi, I'm Frasier. Monica: I'm... Monica. You must think I'm such a klutz! Frasier: No, not at all. They exit and then the entire scene SLIDES to the right and we are back at the point where Frasier is deciding on his attire. (UNIVERSE 2) Roz: Oh, for God's sake, Frasier, flip a coin. Frasier: I know this may seem like nothing to you, Roz, but the tiniest decision can shape your whole destiny. So, which path should I follow? [He begins raising and lowering the sweater in front of himself.] Sweater? Suit. Sweater? Suit. Sweater? Roz: [grabbing her head] Oh just pick one! Frasier: Fine, you're right. We'll go with... the suit. He puts the sweater back in the bag and rises, then puts it back on the chair. Frasier: No, no, the sweater. Roz: You made the right choice. Mike gets up, not running into Frasier, but colliding with Monica as she spills the cup and jumps up. Monica: Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Mike: That's okay, no harm done. Frasier: Good lord, what a klutz. All right, Roz, wish me luck. Roz: Good luck! He exits past Mike and Monica who are shaking hands. Mike: Mike Schaefer. Looks like you're gonna need another cup of coffee. Monica: Uh, yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] TWO ROADS DIVERGED... AND I TOOK THEM BOTH Scene Two - A Hospital Examination Room - UNIVERSE 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier is sitting on the exam table, his arm in a sling. Monica is with him. Monica: You know, you're not the first guy I've sent to the emergency room. Frasier: Ah. Monica: When I was ten my brother fell off my handlebars and broke his foot. Then, in art school, a pottery wheel got away from me and sort of rolled down some stairs and I broke one guy's knee and another guy's hip. Frasier: I suppose after that you went on a kiln spree. Monica: Uh, yeah. I guess you could say I've broken more than my share of bones. Frasier: And more than your fair share of hearts, I'm sure. Monica: I don't know about that. She leans against a cart and it rolls back to bang into the wall. Monica: Frasier, I am so sorry about your arm. I hope I haven't ruined your plans. Frasier: No, actually, I didn't have anything special planned. The scene SLIDES to the uninjured Frasier in the midst of the speed date, talking to a woman (Judy) - UNIVERSE 2 Judy: Hey, have you heard about the new pirate movie? It's rated "Aarr!" Frasier: Yes, that's very droll. Judy: Get it? Aarr! Frasier: Yes, I do. Judy: That's sort of my test joke, you know, to see if a guy's cool or not? Can you believe it, you're the first guy here who laughed? I mean, can't you just see it: a pirate walks into a movie theater, he's got his eye patch and his peg leg and... A bell sounds. Judy: Boy that did not feel like eight minutes. Frasier: [dripping irony] Indeed it did not. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment - UNIVERSE 2 [SCENE_BREAK] Martin is watching a movie on TV. Frasier (uninjured) comes in the front. Martin: Hey, Fras! How did that speed date thing go? Frasier: It could not have been worse. Martin: That's nice. Frasier goes to hang up his coat. Frasier: You're not listening, Dad. Martin turns down the volume. Martin: Oh, I'm sorry, Son. Well, you get any phone numbers? Frasier: No, but if I ever want to track any of them down, I can always write them, care of... the bottom of the barrel. He takes off his name tag. There is a knock at the door. Martin: Ah, that's too bad. Frasier opens the door to reveal Daphne who is holding three bags of groceries. Frasier: Oh, hi, Daphne. Let me give you a hand with that. He takes two of the bags and she comes in. Daphne: Oh, thank you, Dr. Crane. Frasier: You're really loadin' up, aren't you? Daphne: It's for Niles' Valentine's dinner. Frasier: Oh, that's not 'til next week. Daphne: Yeah, but it's a complicated recipe. I need to practice. You two are going to be my guinea pigs. She heads into the kitchen. Martin: Maybe we can fake our own deaths. Frasier notices something in one of the bags and reaches for it. Frasier: Daphne? Are you planning on using cumin in this recipe? Daphne: Yeah, the recipe calls for lots of it. Frasier: Oh, lord, Niles is terribly allergic to cumin. Daphne: Oh, dear. I knew about the scallops. And the nutmeg, the oat bran, wheat germ, carob, parchment mites... Frasier: Yes, yes, I know. He tried to wearing an allergy tag, but his neck was too weak to support it. The phone rings. Martin: [rising] D'you see that? The character in this movie dialed the phone and at the exact same time, our phone rang. It's like Montgomery Cliff's callin' me. Frasier: Yes, that's fascinating, Dad. He goes to stare out the window and then sits at the piano. Martin: Hello? Oh, hey, Niles. [he looks towards the kitchen] No, she can't hear. Ah, geez. I don't know about that. Well, all right, if it means that much to you, I'll do it. Yeah, bye. He hangs up. Martin: That was your brother. He wants me to pack a suitcase for Daphne for her trip to Cancun. Now I'm gonna have to go through her unmentionables. Frasier: I wonder if I'll ever see another unmentionable. Martin: Ah, come on, Frasier, it was just one bad date. Frasier: It was twelve bad dates. And a hundred before that. [he lightly plays the piano and starts singing] I'm through with love... I'll never call again... Daphne comes in from the kitchen to set the table. Martin: You're gonna be like this all night, aren't you? [to Daphne] It breaks my heart to see him like this. Fortunately, I can't see him from McGinty's. He heads for the door and the scene SLIDES to Frasier, his arm in a sling, entering the apartment - UNIVERSE 1 Martin: Hey Fras! How did that speed date thing go? Frasier: Actually, I didn't go, Dad. I went to the hospital instead. Martin: That's nice. Frasier goes to hang up his coat. Frasier: Dad, you're not listening. Martin turns down the volume. Martin: Oh, I'm sorry son. [he turns and sees Frasier's arm] What happened? Are you all right? Frasier: Actually, I tripped and sprained my shoulder, but I'm actually feeling no pain because I met a beautiful young woman. Martin: Oh, is she a nurse? There is a knock at the door. Frasier: No, she's the girl that tripped me. Her name is Monica, she's a commercial artist, she's cute as a button, and she's a danger to herself and others. He opens the door to reveal Daphne holding the groceries. Frasier: Oh, hi, Daph. Daphne: Could you give me a hand here? Frasier: Well, I would, except I sprained my shoulder. [she looks at Martin] Martin: Bullet in the hip. Daphne: You still have one good arm, Dr. Crane. Frasier: The doctor told me to take it easy. Daphne struggles to fit all the bags through the door. Frasier: Oh, I met a girl today! Daphne: [heading to the kitchen] Yeah, so did she. Frasier: You know what? It might be a bit soon, but I think I'm gonna give Monica a call. He pulls out his cell phone as the apartment phone rings. Martin: [rising] D'you see that? The character in this movie dialed the phone and at the exact same moment, our phone rings. It's like Montgomery Cliff's callin' me. Frasier: Say hello to him for me. Martin: Hello? Oh, hey, Niles. [he looks towards the kitchen] No, she can't hear. ... Ah, geez. I don't know about that. Frasier: Hi, Monica. Yeah, injured anybody lately? [he laughs] Really? I was calling because I thought maybe we could have dinner tomorrow night. I don't know, maybe we could meet at Café Nervosa around seven and go from there? Wonderful. Great. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight. He hits the disconnect and laughs smugly. Frasier: She said "Yes"! Martin: Hey! Frasier reaches for the stereo and turns on samba music. Frasier: Tomorrow night, I have a date with an angel! He begins dancing, a big grin on his face. Martin: Oh, you're gonna be like this all night, aren't you? Daphne: McGinty's? Martin: I'm way ahead of you. They head for the door. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene One - Cafe Nervosa - UNIVERSE 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier (his arm in a sling) is having coffee with Roz. Frasier: So we had dinner again on Thursday night, and then again on Friday. She had plans with her parents on Saturday, so, to keep our streak alive, I actually sent her a videotape of me eating and talking into the camera. Roz: That's cute! Frasier: You don't think it's a little too much? Roz: No. If you like her, go for it. Frasier: So how are things with Mike? Roz: Good. He's taking me to the Heart Association benefit for Valentine's Day. Frasier: I'm going too. You know Roz, I think this a first: you and I in happy relationships at the same time. They touch cups and drink. Monica comes in. Monica: Hey, Roz. Hi Frasier. How's your head? Frasier: [rising] Uh, it's better actually. My peripheral vision's coming back. Monica: [laughing] Oh, good. So sorry. Listen, everyone at work's talking about the beautiful flowers you sent me. Thank you. Frasier: Wait 'til you see what's coming next. You won't be able to thank me in public. Monica: Frasier, I hate to break it to you, but you don't have to keep sending me flowers and poetry. You officially have my attention. They kiss. Monica: I'm gonna get some coffee. Frasier: Oh, let me get that for you. Monica: No. You're sweet, but I think I can get my own coffee. Roz: Looks like all that hard work you've been doing is paying off. Frasier: Well, I'm not about to let up now. I never want her to feel as if she's being taken for granted. Roz: Wow. You're giving Niles a run for his money. Frasier: Oh, please. In the great golden book of love, Niles will be a mere footnote to my glorious saga. I'm gonna take his ball and run it to the end zone. [then, nervously] Is that a thing? Roz: Yes. Frasier: Good. They sip their coffees. Fade out. THE MOST MAGICAL NIGHT OF THE YEAR Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment - UNIVERSE 2 [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier (uninjured) is sitting on the couch in jeans and a sweatshirt, eating a bag of potato chips and watching TV. Martin comes in with a beer. Martin: Oh, come on, Fras. You've been moping around here all week. Why don't you join me at McGinty's? It's crazy around there on Valentine's Day. Last year McGinty hired this fat guy in a diaper to go around shooting a bow and arrow at people. No, wait. That might have been the Super Bowl. Frasier: You had me right up until "diaper," Dad. Niles and Daphne hurry in from the kitchen, giggling. Niles: You guys, you guys! You have to see this. Wait, wait, look: Daphne has sauce on her nose! Is that the cutest thing you've ever seen in your life? Wait, wait, let me get it. He leans in and kisses it off. Niles: Yumm. Daphne: You've got some on your neck. She kisses it off his neck and they start tickling each other. Niles: All right, seriously, wait. I was going to wait 'til after dinner to tell you this, but I can't: In three hours you and I are going to be on a plane to Cancun! Daphne: Oh, I barely have time to pack! Niles: It's already taken care of, Dad packed a bag for you. Daphne: Oh, Mr. Crane! She gives Martin a big kiss on the cheek. Daphne: I've never been this happy in my life! Niles: I'm happier than you are! They continue to chatter a moment until Frasier interrupts. Frasier: Excuse me, somebody trying to watch "Behind the Music," here. Niles and Daphne go back into the kitchen as the phone rings. Frasier picks it up from the couch. Frasier: Hello? Yeah, hi, Roz. No, no I'm not going to the benefit. Yeah, I'll bet she's got a great personality. Yes, well, thanks anyway, Roz. Listen, you have a good time. Right, goodnight. Martin: Roz find you a date for tonight? Frasier: Yeah, she's going with some guy lives in her building, he's got a sister. Martin: Hey, you oughta go. Beats hangin' around here feeling sorry for yourself. Frasier: Dad, please. The only thing worse than a blind date would be a blind date on Valentine's Day. Okay? I couldn't imagine a worse way to spend an evening. Niles and Daphne again come from the kitchen, giggling even louder. Niles: You have to see this! He and Daphne take a spaghetti noodle and each start on one end. They eat until they meet in the middle, a la the scene from "Lady and the Tramp." Niles: Let's get more! Come on, come on, let's do it again! They rush back to the kitchen and Frasier lifts the phone. Frasier: Maybe Roz hasn't left yet. The scene SLIDES to Frasier (his arm in a sling) standing in the apartment, wearing a tuxedo - UNIVERSE 1 Frasier: It's now 7:45. At this precise moment, she should be receiving a jeroboam of chilled champagne. Martin: You're really layin' it on thick, aren't ya? Frasier: Oh, God, Dad, you don't know the half of it. This morning she was awakened by a string quartet on her porch. Then, when Monica arrived at her office, there were seven dozen roses on her desk. A dozen for every day that I've known her. Niles and Daphne hurry from the kitchen. Niles is twitching and blinking. Daphne: I'm sorry! Martin: What happened? Daphne: He's having some kind of reaction to the sauce. Niles: [scratching] Did you put scallops in it? Daphne: No. Frasier: Nutmeg? Daphne: No. Martin: Wheat germ? Daphne: No. Frasier: Carob? Daphne: No. Niles: Cumin? Daphne: Maybe. Niles: Oh, this is a disaster! We have reservations to fly to Cancun tonight! Daphne: Really? Niles: Well we can't go now! I can't possibly sit still on a plane for five hours with this rash you've given me! Frasier: Now, Niles, don't let a little mistake disturb the most magical evening of... Niles: Oh, the whole weekend is ruined! Daphne: Well, I said I was sorry! Niles: I even had Dad pack a bag for you! Daphne: You did what? You let him go through my things? How could you?! She slaps Martin on the arm. Niles: I'm sorry! I was trying to something nice for our first Valentine's Day! Daphne: Well, what do you think I was trying to do? She stomps off to the kitchen as Niles continues scratching furiously. Daphne: Now I'm going to have to spend the whole night rubbing lotion all over you. They both freeze. Daphne turns around. Niles: I'm sorry I yelled at you. They embrace and kiss. Niles: You have sauce on your nose. Let me get it. They go off to Daphne's room. Daphne: You've got some on your neck. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - The Benefit Dinner [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier comes in with Monica. Frasier: Hey, Roz. Where's Mike? Roz: Oh, he's parking the car. Monica, what a gorgeous corsage. Monica: Oh, thank you. It was a gift from Frasier. Along with about a million roses. Kenny comes up holding a flattened top hat. Kenny: Hello, young lovers. He pops the hat out and puts it on. Frasier: Oh, Kenny, look at you. Kenny: What can I say? Under this gruff exterior beats the heart of a true romantic. I just love love. Roz: So where's your wife? Kenny: She had plans. Roz: Come on, Kenny, I'll buy you a drink. Kenny: Great. She leads him off, Frasier leads Monica to a table. Frasier: Why don't we sit down? Here we are, let me. He holds her chair an they sit. Frasier: I was thinking perhaps, after the party, we could take a carriage ride in the park and make our way to your place where, I believe, there is a two pound box of chocolate truffles waiting for you. Monica: Oh, two pounds. Wow. Frasier: Yes, well, your sister told me that truffles were your favorite. Monica: You talked to Cheryl? I haven't talked with her in months. Frasier: Well you'll have your chance on Sunday, we're having dinner with her and Jack. He leans in to kiss her. When he tries again, she turns her head. Monica: There's a lot of people here. Frasier: Oh, yes of course, I understand. The scene SLIDES to Frasier (uninjured) entering the benefit wearing a suit and tie. Monica and Mike are dancing just inside and kissing. Frasier glances jealously at them - UNIVERSE 2 Roz: Hey Frasier! Frasier: Hi, Roz. Roz: Hi. Happy Valentine's Day. Frasier: Same to you. Roz: This is my date, Robert. Frasier: Hello. Robert: Nice to meet you. Frasier: Nice to meet you, too. Well, Roz, listen, thanks for getting me out of the house. I'd been sitting there feeling sorry for myself long enough. Roz: That's the spirit! Frasier: You know, on the way over here, I was actually getting excited over meeting someone new. Robert: Here's my sister now. Frasier: Oh. He rises and turns to greet Judy, the woman from the speed date. Judy: Oh, my God! Aarr! Frasier: Aarr! Judy: Aarr! Frasier: Okay. Roz: Wow, looks like you two already know each other. You even have your own language. Judy: It must be fate. Frasier: [pained] It must be. The scene SLIDES to Frasier and Monica dancing. Frasier: For you. He pulls a rose from his sling. Monica: Oh, another rose. Frasier, I appreciate everything you're doing, the flowers, the carriage ride, the "Love Is..." cartoons from the newspaper... Frasier: It's just a drop in the ocean compared to what you deserve. The tune finishes up and they go back to the table. Emcee: That song was dedicated to Mr. and Mrs. Terry Craypence, celebrating their thirtieth anniversary. Monica: That's so cute. Frasier: Well, I'm glad to hear you say that. You wait right here. Monica: Okay. Frasier goes to the stage and takes the microphone. Frasier: Good evening everybody, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. Normally I deal with matters of the head, but tonight I'd like to share what's in my heart. Monica, this is for you. He begins singing. Frasier: Have I a hope or half a chance, To even think that I could dance with you? Ooh, ooh. Would you greet me or politely turn away? Would there suddenly be sunshine on a cold and rainy day? Oh, babe, what would you say? He hops off the stage and goes over to the Craypence couple. Frasier: Yes, oh, baby I know, I know I could be so in love (congratulations) with you. And I know that I could make you love me too. And if I could hear you say the words you do, ooh, ooh. Well anyway, what would you say? He ends up kneeling in front of Monica, the microphone in front of her. She puts her hand over it, but when she speaks, everyone can hear. Monica: Frasier, we need to talk. Kenny: Ouch! DISSOLVE TO: Frasier and Monica saying goodbye. Monica: Don't get me wrong, Frasier. Everything you did was nice, it was just... too much. You made me feel like a project and not a person. Frasier: Well, I could tone things down. And we could start fresh. How about lunch tomorrow? You see, I was going to say breakfast. Monica: I think I should go. Frasier: I see. Well, you know, I'll get my car. Monica: No, that's okay. I'm gonna get my stuff and just take a cab. So, [she kisses him] bye. She kisses him and walks off. Roz comes over. Roz: Are you okay? Frasier: Well, I'm humiliated. Roz: Oh, Frasier, no one even noticed what happened. Kenny walks by on his way out. He stops and pats Frasier on the shoulder. Kenny: Ouch. He leaves. Frasier: It's my own fault, really. I guess I just saw what Niles had and I pushed too hard to get it for myself. Roz: Well, if it means anything, I thought what you did was terribly romantic. Frasier: Well, maybe... Roz: Come on, let me walk you to your car. Frasier: Oh, well, what about Mike? Roz: Oh, it'll only be a few minutes, he'll be fine. As they walk out, Monica is putting her wrap on. She throws it over her shoulder and the end hits Mike, spilling his drink. Monica: Oh, I'm sorry. I am such a klutz. Mike: That's okay. Really, it's fine. Monica: Let me get you another drink. Please, it's the least I can do. Mike: I guess that'd be okay. Mike. Monica: Monica. They shake hands, obviously taken with each other. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - Frasier's BMW - UNIVERSE 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier is driving home and has taken his tuxedo jacket off. The radio is on. Announcer: We now return to a repeat broadcast of "The Best of Crane". Please do not call in. Frasier: [voice over from the radio] Before the break we were talking to Phil, who's having trouble getting over a relationship. Phil, if you're listening, it might help to keep in mind the old adage: It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Frasier: I do make a good point. The scene slides to Frasier (uninjured), also in his BMW heading home - UNIVERSE 2 Frasier: What a load of crap. On the radio: Frasier: [v.o.] Let's go to our next caller. Rachel: [v.o.] Hi, this is Rachel. I just want to let you know, I read that Thurber book you quoted, and man, is he funny! Frasier: Glad you liked him. Rachel: I also have a confession to make: You know, I have a big crush on you. Frasier: Oh, well, I'm flattered, Rachel, but I make it a policy not to date my callers. Rachel: [v.o.] Well, if you ever change you mind, I'm the chef at the Columbia Street Grill. You should come by sometime. Frasier gets a thoughtful look in his eyes. The scene SLIDES to the injured Frasier with the same look. [SCENE_BREAK] a long shot of Frasier's BMW at a stoplight. The other BMW merges into it as the two worlds converge again. Frasier pulls a u-turn at the intersection. FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Martin is watching TV and drinking a beer, Eddie at his side. The scene slides to show him in the same spot, except the beer is in his other hand and Eddie is on the other side of him. The scene shifts twice more, with Eddie's position the only difference.	Plan: A: Frasier; Q: Who is in Café Nervosa trying to decide whether to wear a smart suit or a casual sweater to go speed dating? A: two; Q: How many parallel storylines does the episode have? A: Monica; Q: Who did Frasier date in the first storyline? A: Daphne; Q: Who accidentally made Niles sick? A: a special meal; Q: What does Daphne decide to cook for Niles? A: Cancun; Q: Where did Daphne and Niles plan to go to after Niles fell ill? A: the second storyline; Q: Which storyline has Frasier choose the sweater? A: Fraiser; Q: Who told Daphne about Niles' allergy before she put the ingredient in the meal? A: Roz; Q: Who arranges a blind date for Frasier? A: The two storylines; Q: What does the episode converge when both versions of Frasier decide to make a U-turn towards the restaurant where the caller had mentioned she was the chef? A: both versions; Q: Which version of Frasier decides to make a U-turn towards the restaurant? A: an enamored caller; Q: Who did both versions of Frasier listen to on a repeat broadcast of his show? A: the caller; Q: Who suggested meeting the chef at the restaurant? A: the chef; Q: What was the woman who called Frasier on the radio? A: both scenarios; Q: In which scenario does Martin end up doing the same thing in the credits scene? A: beer; Q: What does Martin drink in both storylines? A: Eddie; Q: Who does Martin pet in both storylines? Summary: Frasier is in Café Nervosa trying to decide whether to wear a smart suit or a casual sweater to go speed dating. The episode has two parallel storylines, which interchange throughout. They diverge at the point where he makes the decision: in the first, he chooses the suit, and meets and dates a woman called Monica, who breaks up with him after he treats the relationship too intensely. Daphne decides to cook a special meal for Niles, but accidentally includes an ingredient he is allergic to. As a result, he falls ill which ruins a surprise trip to Cancun he had planned for the two. In the second storyline, Frasier chooses the sweater, and goes speed dating but has a miserable evening. Daphne and Niles prepare for their trip to Cancun, as Fraiser told Daphne about Niles' allergy before she put the ingredient in. Roz arranges a blind date for Frasier, who turns out to be one of the women he encountered speed dating. The two storylines converge when both versions of Frasier, after listening to an enamored caller on a repeat broadcast of his show, decide to make a U-turn towards the restaurant where the caller had mentioned she was the chef and had suggested meeting her there any time. During the credits scene, Martin ends up doing the same thing in both scenarios: relaxing in his chair, drinking beer, and petting Eddie.
Michael: I had no idea when I got in that car and headed to New York I was going to quit. I got on that ramp and I thought two hours, two hours to go. Feeling good. Listen to some tunes. Should've peed before I left. Kelly: Michael get to the good part. Michael: Okay, so. I get up to the building, I get to the revolving door... broken! So I have to take the normal door. Oscar: At least he is in the building. Michael: No, No! I was so nervous it was the wrong building! I walked into the wrong building! Everyone: [groans] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: He finally has a story everyone wants to hear... and he knows it. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Okay focus. Focus. You're in the right building, you're with the right people; what happened? Michael: I looked at Wallace and I said "I quit!" and as I turned to leave I looked back and I said "You have no idea how high I can fly." Stanley: Did you tell him how sick of him you were? Michael: Why would I do that? Angela: Well, wouldn't it feel good to tell him that he was incompetent? Kevin: That he's wasted 15 years of your life? Meredith: Did you spit in his face? Michael: You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope. Maybe I will have one of own someday. [laughs] But I dream... so... [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Michael has a 'sticky-hand' toy and snags a paper off Jim's desk and then laughs] About a week ago, Michael gave his 2-week notice. And, surprisingly there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Michael is that scotch? Michael: Scotch with Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch. [in Oscar's ear] Clinky, clinky-clink. Come-on... come on, come on. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [slightly drunk] What am I gonna do? I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I gonna do a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I gonna stay up all day. Gonna sleep it up all night. I'm gonna give it a OHH! HEY! HO! And I'm going to stop worrying about calories. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs? Michael: I have a job. Andy: For four more days. Pam: Do you have any leads on a job? Michael: Pam, what you don't understand is that at my level you just don't look in the want-ads for a job. You are head-hunted. Jim: You called any headhunters? Michael: Any good headhunter knows I am available. Dwight: Any really good headhunter would storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife, Jim: Right, cause that's what we are talking about. Charles: Uh, I need you to go over this client list and indicate any wrong or false data. Michael: You're 'I need you to' is my command. Charles: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey Michael... Michael: Hey. Andy: Can I talk to you a minute? Michael: You can talk to me for as long as you want. I have all the time in the world. [eats some spaghetti] Oh God! Blech! Phyllis! Andy: I just wanted to tell you that... Oh What? [takes a present out from behind his back] What's that? Michael: Oh! Hey. What is this about? Andy: Um, you know, cause your leaving and so, it's a farewell... Michael: Oh. Andy: I hope I get to work with you someday again. Michael: Me too, me too. Is this wine? Andy: Ah... busted. Yes Michael: I already have wine. Andy: Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] Isaac: [interviewee enters office] Hello. Pam: Hi. Isaac: Isaac Silby here for the interview Pam: Uh, yes. Please have a seat. It'll be a few minutes. Isaac: Thank you. [to Michael] You interviewing too? Michael: Hmm? Isaac: Interviewing? Michael: For? Isaac: Regional manager. Michael: Yes I am. [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: For regional manager I've decided to go with an outside hire. For obvious reasons. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Where you from? Isaac: Philly. Michael: That's a drive! Isaac: Yeah, well this is one of the few places that's hiring. It's uh, its brutal out there. Michael: [sighs] [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Pam? Pam: Hmm? Kevin: When will the new copier be ready? Pam: I'm working on it Kev. Kevin: You said it would be ready by today. And it is today. Pam: It'll be ready soon. Kevin: Soon could mean anything. Soon could be 3 weeks. Pam: Is that what 'soon' means to you? Kevin: Sometimes. Pam: Then come back soon. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: During the course of business, a copier goes though something called 'Normal wear and tear.' [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [feeding coins into a vent] I think it's 75 cents. Oscar: That's a lot. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [Bandit is chewing on wires] Bandit, No! No no no! [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [dumps coffee all over the copier glass] Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Yesterday, they delivered the new one. But they didn't set it up. So my day just got a little more interesting. [holds up a huge manual] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [overhears loud monster noises] Its Monster dot com. Singular. Michael: Thank you. [groaning ceases] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You work in paper long enough, you get to know the players. [dials phone] Phone: Hi, you've reached Prince Paper. We are sad to inform you that after 40 years of serving the community we are no longer in business. Thank you for your support. May God bless you. [girl's voice] Bye! Michael: [sighs] What am I gong to do? Uh... [chuckles]. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: PSST! PSST! Jim: Yeah... .you want me to come in your office? Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay, oh okay, okay. Close your eyes. Jim: I would prefer not to. Michael: Just close your eyes. I'm going to start my own paper company. Jim: You're starting your own paper company? Michael: yeah! Jim: Why? Michael: Can you believe... cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper. Jim: Do you know the industry is in decline? Michael: Yeah! Oh God. I practically invented decline. Jim: Right. Michael: Right, I know paper, I know how to manage. I have a name, close your eyes. Jim: No, I did that before, it added nothing. Michael: Close them. Jim: Okay. [keeps eyes open] Michael: Alright, Michael Scott Paper Company. You want in? Do you want to be a part of this? Jim: I am not gonna do this. Michael: Obviously. Jim: And you are not going to, either. Michael: Oh, agreed, mmm, except... Jim: Here's the thing. What I wish for you is that you land a job at a company that A, exists, and B, has a salary. Because they're set up to do that kind of thing. Michael: Hey hey... what's up Chuck? Charles: Jim. Jim: Hey. Charles: what are you doing? Jim: Nothing, just talking. Charles: Okay, Michael handed in his 2-week notice, did you also hand in your 2-week? Jim: I didn't... no. Charles: Okay. After you. Michael: No I'm staying. Charles: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [examining the copier manual] Do you want me to translate the German instructions for you? Pam: No, I'm sure they're pretty much the same as the English instructions. Dwight: Typical American ignorance that got us involved in a war we never should have been in. World War II. Pam: That's a really... well fine, Do the German instructions say what this is supposed to do? Dwight: Deutsch... let me see here. That is either an incense dispenser, or a ceremonial sarcophagus. Pam: Hmm... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Pam, listen. This order form. Instead of saying "Dunder Mifflin" at the top is there any way I could get it to say something else? Pam: Like Michael Scott Paper Company? Michael: You... oh. Somebody has been talking in bed. Pillow talk. Pam: Hmm... yeah. Listen Michael. Have you really thought this through? 'Cause it's a pretty big risk. Michael: This is a dream that I have had since lunch, and I am not giving up on it now. Pam: Yeah... you could give it up though right? And almost nobody would know. Michael: Before you got here, I'm the one who landed all these clients. Half of them, at least. I can do it again. I know the market, I know the price points. I'm on it, don't worry. So, how do I do that? Pam: Well, um, you can scan it, and then you can upload the image, and then you can copy the new image. Michael: Can't I take some paper and just tape over it with transparent tape? Pam: Yeah. Good. Michael: Thank you very much. Pam: Mmm-hmm [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: So that is why I have to leave at 5[/b]: 00 on Tuesday, it's to pick up my little sisters from school. We're really tight. We're like the Kardashians.. Charles: You know, you can run this stuff by Toby. Kelly: Yeah I don't like talking... [knock on door] Charles: Come in... Angela: I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were with anyone. I just wanted to bring you the brochure on that accounting seminar that I was telling you about. Earlier. Kelly: Yep, we were in the middle of something so why don't you just... Angela: Okay, um, actually you know it was so much fun last year. There was a Sunday-bar. I mean I didn't have any, you know, to stay trim. Charles: Did Michael just let anybody in his office? Angela and Kelly: Yep! Yeah. He just loved having people, communicating all the time. He was like 'Come on in!" [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: I am aware of the effect I have on woman. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: So you should be heading back to your desk. Angela: Okay. Bye Charles. Well you'll let me know. Good bye. Kelly: She's such a special person. And she's turning 50 this year. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I'm starting my own paper company. Andy: No way!? Michael: Yeah. Andy: In this climate? Michael: Yeah. In all climates. It's going to be worldwide. And I'm looking for some talented salesmen to join me. That's where you come in. Andy: Ehh... [in accent] well it's a very intriguing concept, isn't it? Um... hmmm..[makes weird noises to stall, Dwight enters] Michael is starting his own paper company. What do you think about that? Dwight: Your own paper company. Michael: Can you believe it? Well, we'll see, we'll see. It's just a, just a nugget of an idea right now so Dwight: Right... Michael: Potential, lots of potential. yes. Dwight: What a courageous venture. Michael: It's... it's very courageous, very exciting. Um... Dwight: Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities... Michael: That's what I was thinking, with the farm, so... You getting to wherever I'm gonna put my thing. Dwight: Okay. So yeah. Michael: So think about it. Lets put a pin in it for now. Dwight: You know, I would love to put a pin in that. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Everyone, can I have your attention. This is the moment you've all been waiting for. Right? [drum roll on copier] Meredith: Little Ms. Thing wants attention. Pam: Meredith... [copier has an error] Oh... so uh... G-44. It's not ready Kevin! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm at a crucial point where I have sunk 4 hours into that copier, and I am not going to let it beat me like that wireless router did. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: [bites his sandwich and notices there is a note in it] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: You put a note in my food? Michael: I made it sterile. Oscar: Just to say "sterile" doesn't make it so. Michael: I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, Oscar. To come work for me. Oscar: Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research, financials? Michael: No, no no. Oscar: You need those things. Most new businesses, they don't make a profit till at least two years. And then your margins will be razor thin. Best case scenario, you don't cut yourself a salary for at least 5 years. Can you go 5 years without a salary, Michael? Michael: Okay. Oscar: Five years? Michael: Okay, hey, you already have the job. You don't have to convince me. Oscar: It's just not prudent Michael. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [from inside the restroom] Stanley? Stanley: Can't you see I'm urinating? Michael: Listen, Listen, Stanley. You don't have to answer me now. Stanley: No. Michael: Just... I want you to think about it, I'm starting my own company. Stanley: No. Michael: Oh-okay, you're not letting me finish, and you just lost out on a million dollars. Stanley: No I didn't. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know what. I had a great time at prom. And no one said 'Yes' to that either. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: How's it working? Phyllis: Um, let's see... it's fine. Pam: Good. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I did it. I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons, even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book, in plastic with offset colors. Which feels... [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: Hey Hank, You ready? Hank: Yeah. Charles: Okay, Michael? Michael: Hmm? Charles: I can't pretend I haven't seen that. So I am going e to ask you to stand up, walk out. And you can't take anything. Michael: Okay, I have immunity. It's my two-weeks... Charles: not if you're starting your own paper company, Michael. Hank... Hank: Okay Michael. Michael: Hank? You really think Hank is going to be loyal to you? Hank, please escort Charles from the building. Hank: Come on man, let's, let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy. And he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [to everyone] Well here we are... I would just like to... Charles: No, no no no. You're done, Michael. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [yelling from Parking lot] Alright then everybody, I'm outta here! Andy: [from behind the upstairs window] What is he doing? It looks like he's saying something. Kevin: I think he's singing. Oscar: I can't believe this is really happening. Michael: ... and I feel free! [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone. [Michael sneaks back in the parking lot, and into a back door of the building] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark day. Phyllis: Andy He's gone. Andy: I know. Phyllis: You don't have to kiss his ass anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Michael is like a movie on a plane. You know, it's not great, but it's something to watch. And when it's over you're like... how much time is left on this flight? Now what? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Michael is Army crawling around the office] Michael? Michael: Shh shh shh... don't look down, look straight up. Come on please! Angela: These are for employees only. Michael: Angela Kevin, you have to help me out I just need a few things then I will be gone. Kevin: Michael, why is it that you asked everyone except me, Angela, Creed, and Meredith? Michael: I was going to, I wanted to. But I had to start somewhere. Kevin: But you didn't want to start with us? Michael: No, of course not. But now I want everybody. Jim! Jim? Buddy, Hey! Buddy, Jimbo? Did you have time to think about my offer? Jim: I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else. Michael: So which way are you leaning? Jim: Well it is tempting but I am 100% leaning towards something else. Michael: Thanks Jim. Charles: Hey, did anyone see the client list that Michael was supposed to be working on. Dwight: No. Charles: Okay, let me know if you find it. Michael: Okay, Okay, we don't have much time. Just act normal. Don't look at me people. Stop. Don't look down. Don't look down. He's going to see me. Don't look all the way up. Keep it at a normal height. Okay. This is not Michael Scott talking right now, this is your future. Hello, I am your future. You're older, and you are very happy now. Because you went with Michael Scott. Right. So everybody come on down. Lets just crawl out of here together. Alright? Come on! Are you, are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be? [Pam is thinking hard] Alright. Everybody who's going to go with me I want you to stomp your foot. Okay, alright. Come on. You're coming with me. Come on Phyllis. Here we go, here we go! Charles: Michael get up! Michael: Oh God... okay alright. It's time to go it's time to go. Jim, let's go. Come on! Charles: Michael, what are you doing? Michael: I think maybe Hank should be here. Charles: Hank? No, I don't need Hank Michael. Michael: You're going to mess with me, is that what you're going to do? I'll tell you something Charles, I don't even care. Cause I've got nothing got lose. [Charles steps towards Michael] Oh my God, OH GOD! No no, all right. Fine, it's not even worth it. Pam: Oh no. Jim: What? Pam: I'm going with him. Jim: What? Pam! Pam: I'm going. Jim: Pam! You can't be serious. Pam: Michael, wait! I'm coming with you. Michael: You are? Pam: Yeah. Michael: Okay. It's going to be great. Pam: Great. Uh, except, I don't want to be a receptionist anymore. Michael: Right... Executive assistant. Pam: Salesman. Michael: Alright, okay. Deal! Okay, well... Jim? Jim: Still no. Michael: Well, okay, lets go. Pam: Oh, all my stuff is still upstairs so... Michael: Are people watching? Pam: Probably. Jim: Michael, its not how you leave in an office. It how you... Michael: Jim Jim Jim... we're having a company meeting here. Jim: I'll bring your stuff home. Okay, bye. Pam: Okay, see you later. Michael: Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: So, we had a personnel change today. Shouldn't effect our day to day. But, until we get a new receptionist I want Kevin on the phones. Kevin: Phones? Charles: Also, there has been too much wasted time. So Stanley. Stanley: [holding a crossword puzzle] Yes. Charles: Yeah, I want you to be on top of that okay? I want you to be my productivity czar. Okay, good. Uh, okay that it on my list. So uh, you know, no excuses guys. Lets get going okay? [everyone leaves except Kevin and Stanley, who are sitting stunned in their chairs]	Plan: A: Michael; Q: Who decides to open his own paper company? A: two final weeks; Q: How many weeks does Michael have left at the office? A: Pam; Q: Who joins Michael in his new venture in sales? A: success; Q: What does Pam feel she has achieved at programming the new photocopier? A: none; Q: How many of the staff join Michael in his new paper company? A: his pleas; Q: Why didn't the staff join Michael in his new venture? A: an angry Charles; Q: Who has Michael escorted off the premises? Summary: As Michael wraps up his two final weeks, he goofs off even more than usual. Pam feels unfullfilled despite success at programming the new photocopier. When Michael decides to open his own paper company (with none of the staff joining him despite his pleas), an angry Charles has him escorted off the premises-only to have Pam join in his new venture in sales.
Stiles: Did you apologize to Allison? Scott: Yeah. Stiles: Is she giving you a second chance or - Scott: Yeah. Stiles: Yeah! All right. So everything's good. Scott: No. Stiles: No? Scott: Remember - The hunters. Her dad is one of 'em. Stiles: Her dad? Scott: Shot me - Stiles: Allison's father? Scott: With a crossbow. Stiles: Allison's father - Scott: Yes! Her father! Oh, my God. Stiles: No, Scott. Snap back. You okay? Hey, all right? He didn't recognize you, right? Scott: No. N - no. I don't think so. Stiles: Does she know about him? Scott: Oh, yeah. I don't know. What if she does? This is gonna kill me, man. Stiles: Okay, just focus on lacrosse. Okay, here, Scott. Take this. Take this, and focus on lacrosse for now, okay? That's all you gotta do, yeah? Scott: Lacrosse. Stiles: Here we go! Coach: Let's go! One - on - one from up top! Jackson - Take a long stick today. Atta boy. That's how you do it! Greenberg, take a lap. Let's go. Faster, Greenberg! Let's go. McCall, what are you waiting for? Let's go. Hey, McCall. Hey, McCall! Jackson: You sure you still want to be first line, McCall? Coach: My - my grandmother can move faster than that. And she's dead. You think you can move faster than the - lifeless corpse of my dead grandmother? Scott: Yes, coach. Coach: I can't hear you. Scott: Yes, coach. Coach: Then do it again. McCall's gonna do it again! McCall's gonna do it again! Let's go! Stiles: Scott? Scott, you okay? Coach: Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Scott: I can't control it, Stiles. It's happening. Stiles: What? Right here? Now? Come on, get up. Come on. Come on. Stiles: Come on, here we go. There. That's it. You okay? Scott, you okay? Scott: Get away from me! Scott: Stiles - What happened? Stiles: You tried to kill me. It's like I told you before. It's the anger. It's your pulse rising. It's a trigger. Scott: But that's lacrosse. It's a pretty violent game, if you hadn't noticed. Stiles: Well, it's gonna be a lot more violent if you end up killing someone on the field. You can't play Saturday. You're gonna have to get out of the game. Scott: I'm first line. Stiles: Not anymore. Melissa: Hey. Late shift again for me. But I am taking Saturday off to see your first game. Scott: Oh, mom, you can't. Melissa: Oh, no, I can and I will. Come on, one shift isn't gonna break us. Completely. Hey, what's wrong with your eyes? You look like you haven't slept in days. Scott: Oh, uh, it's nothing. I'm just - stressed. Melissa: Just stress? Nothin' else? Scott: Homework. Melissa: I mean, it's not like you're on drugs or anything, right? Scott: Right now? Melissa: Right now? I'm sorry, what do you mean "right now"? Have you ever taken drugs? Scott: Have you? Melissa: Get some sleep. Scott: What'd you find out? Stiles: Well, it's bad. Jackson's got a separated shoulder. Scott: Because of me? Stiles: Because he's a tool. Scott: But is he gonna play? Stiles: Well, they don't know yet. Now they're just counting on you for Saturday. [typing: It looks like - someone's behind you.] Scott: What? It looks like what? Come on. Damn it. What? Derek: I saw you on the field. Scott: Wha - what are you talking about? Derek: You shifted in front of them! If they find out what you are, they find out about me. About all of us. And then it's not just the hunters after us, it's everyone. Scott: But - They didn't see anything! I..s - swear, I - Derek: And they won't! Because if you even try to play in that game on Saturday - I'm gonna kill you myself. Coach: What do you mean, you can't play the game tomorrow night? Scott: I mean - I can't play the game tomorrow night. Coach: You can't wait to play the game tomorrow night. Scott: No, coach, I can't play the game tomorrow night. Coach: I'm not following. Scott: I'm having some personal issues. Coach: Is it a girl? Scott: No. Coach: Is it a guy? You know, our goalie Danny is gay. Scott: Yeah, I know, coach, but that's not it. Coach: You don't think Danny's a - good - lookin' guy? Scott: I - think he's good - looking. I - but I - I like girls. And that's not it, anyway! I - I - Coach: What, is it drugs? Are you doing meth? Because I had a brother that was addicted to meth. You should have seen what it did to his teeth - They were all cracked and rotted. It was - it was disgusting. Scott: My - God. What happened to him? Coach: He got veneers. Is - is that what this is about? Are you afraid of getting hurt, McCall? Scott: No - I'm - Having some issues dealing with aggression. Coach: Well, here's the good news. That's why you play lacrosse. Problem solved. Scott: Coach, I can't play the game tomorrow night. Coach: Listen, McCall, part of playing first line is taking on the responsibility of being first line. Now, if you can't shoulder that responsibility, then you're back on the bench until you're ready. Scott: If I don't play the game, you're taking me off first line? Coach: McCall, play the game. Allison: Hey. Scott: Hey. Allison: Busy? Scott: No, no, it's just, uh, my mom, she's nothing. I mean, it's nothing. Uh, I'm never busy for you. Allison: I like the sound of that. I have to run to French class, but I wanted you to know that I'm coming to see you play tomorrow. Scott: You are? Allison: And we're all going out afterwards. You, me, Lydia, Jackson. It's gonna be great. Tell Stiles to come too. Uh, save me a seat at lunch. I gotta go. Scott: God. Lydia: Why is there a rumor going around that you're not playing tomorrow? Scott: 'Cause I'm sort of not. Lydia: I think you sort of are. Especially when you brutally injure my boyfriend by ramming into him. Scott: He brutally injured himself ramming into me. Lydia: Jackson's gonna play tomorrow. But he's not gonna be at his peak, and I prefer my boyfriend at peak performance. Scott: Okay. Lydia: I date the captain of the winning lacrosse team, and if they start off the season losing, I date the captain of the losing lacrosse team. I don't date losers. Scott: Losing one game isn't gonna kill anyone. In fact, it might even save someone. Lydia: Fine! Don't play. We'll probably win anyway. Then we'll go out after, like we were planning - and I'll introduce Allison to all the hot players on the team. And Scott McCall can stay home, surfing the net for p0rn. Teacher: Mr. McCall, you're not even close to solving your problem. Scott: Tell me about it. Stiles: Hey, come here. Scott: What? Stiles: Come here. Tell me what they're saying. Can you hear 'em? Sheriff: I want everyone under the age of 18 to be in their home by 9:30 p.m. We'd like to institute the curfew, effective immediately. Principal: Look, we don't - Scott: Curfew because of the body. Stiles: Unbelievable. My dad's out looking for a rabid animal, while the jerk - off who actually killed the girl is just hangin' out, doing whatever he wants. Scott: Well, you can't exactly tell your dad the truth about Derek. Stiles: I can do something. Scott: Like what? Stiles: Find the other half of the body. Scott: Are you kidding? Lydia: This is Allison. Lacrosse player: Hi. Nice to meet you. Lydia: She's the new girl. She just moved here. Lacrosse player: Oh, how do you like it? Allison: I like it. Scott: So Lydia's introducing you to everyone? Allison: She's being so unbelievably nice to me. Scott: I wonder why. Allison: Maybe she gets how much being the new girl can suck. Scott: Where did you get that? Allison: My jacket? It was in my locker. I think Lydia brought it back from the party. She has my combination - Scott: Did she say she brought it back or did somebody give her the jacket? Allison: Like who? Scott: Like Derek. Allison: Your friend? Scott: He's not my friend. How much did you talk to him when he drove you home? Allison: Mmm, not much at all. Scott: What did you say? Allison: I - gotta get to class. Scott: Allison - Allison: No, I really have to go. Scott: Derek! Derek! Stay away from her! She doesn't know anything! Derek: Yeah? What if she does? You think your little buddy Stiles can just google werewolves, and now you got all the answers, is that it? You don't get it yet, Scott, but I'm looking out for you. Think about what could happen. You're out on the field. The aggression takes over. And you shift in front of everyone. Your mom, all your friends. And when they see you - everything falls apart. Stiles: What did you find? How did you find it? Where did you find it? And, yes, I've had a lot of Adderall, so - Scott: I found something at Derek Hale's. Stiles: Are you kidding? What? Scott: There's something buried there - I could smell blood. Stiles: That's awesome! I mean, that's terrible. Whose blood? Scott: I don't know. But when we do, your dad nails Derek for the murder. And then you help me figure out how to play lacrosse without changing. Because there's no way I'm not playing that game. Stiles: Hey. Scott: Okay. Stiles: Good luck, I guess. Stiles: Hey, Lydia. You probably don't remember me. Um, I sit behind you in Biology. Uh, anyway, I always thought that we just had this kind of connection. Unspoken, of course. Maybe it'd be kind of cool to, get to know each other a little better. Lydia: Hold on, give me a second. Yeah, I didn't get any of what you just said. Is it worth repeating? Stiles: No. Sorry. I'll just sit. You don't care. Lydia: Okay. Did he do it? Jackson: He said not to make a habit of it, but one cortisone shot won't kill me. Lydia: You should get one right before the game too. The pros do it all the time. You want to be a little high school amateur? Or - do you want to go - pro? [SCENE_BREAK] Stiles: Holy god! Scott: The scent was the same. Stiles: You sure? Scott: Yes. Stiles: So he did bury the other half of the body on his property? Scott: Which means we have proof he killed the girl. Stiles: I say we use it. Scott: How? Stiles: Tell me something first. Are you doing this because you want to stop Derek, or because you want to play in the game, and he said you couldn't? Scott: There are bite marks on the legs, Stiles - bite marks. Stiles: Okay. Then we're gonna need a shovel. Scott: Wait, something's different. Stiles: Different how? Scott: I don't know. Let's just get this over with. Scott: This is taking way too long. Stiles: Just keep going. Scott: What if he comes back? Stiles: Then we get the hell out of here. Scott: What if he catches us? Stiles: I have a plan for that. Scott: Which is? Stiles: You run one way. I run the other. Whoever he catches first, too bad. Scott: I hate that plan. Stiles: Oh, stop, stop, stop. Scott: Hurry. Stiles: I'm trying. Did he have to tie the thing in, like, 900 knots? Scott: I'll do it. Stiles: What the hell is that? Scott: It's a wolf. Stiles: Yeah, I can see that. I thought you said you smelled blood, as in human blood. Scott: I told you something was different. Stiles: This doesn't make sense. Scott: We gotta get out of here. Stiles: Yeah. Okay, help me cover this up. Scott: What's wrong? Stiles: You see that flower? Scott: What about it? Stiles: I think it's wolfsbane. Scott: What's that? Stiles: Uh - Haven't you ever seen the Wolf Man? Scott: No. Stiles: Lon Chaney Jr.? Claude Rains? The original, classic werewolf movie? Scott: No! What? Stiles: You are so unprepared for this. Scott: Stiles. Stiles: Holy - Scott: No. Oh, God. Stiles: Okay, just so you know, I'm not afraid of you. Okay, maybe I am. Doesn't matter. I just wanna know something. The girl you killed - she was a werewolf. She was a different kind, wasn't she? I mean, she could turn herself into an actual wolf, and I know Scott can't do that. Is that why you killed her? Derek: Why are you so worried about me when it's your friend who's the problem? When he shifts on the field, what do you think they're gonna do. Just keep cheering him on? I can't stop him from playing, but you can. And, trust me - you want to. Sheriff: There. Stand. What the hell do you think you're doing? Stiles: I'm just trying to help. Sheriff: Okay, well, how 'bout you help me understand exactly how you came across this. Stiles: We were looking for Scott's inhaler. Sheriff: Which he dropped when? Stiles: The other night. Sheriff: The other night when you were out here looking for the first half of the body. Stiles: Yes. Sheriff: The night that you told me you were alone and Scott was at home. Stiles: Yes. No. Oh, crap. Sheriff: So you lied to me. Stiles: That depends on how you define lying. Sheriff: Well, I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it? Stiles: Mm, reclining your body in a horizontal position? Sheriff: Get the hell out of here. Stiles: Absolutely. Scott: I can't find anything about wolfsbane being used for burial. Stiles: Just keep looking. Maybe it's like a ritual or something, like maybe they bury you as a wolf. Or maybe it's like a special skill, you know? Like something you have to learn. Scott: I'll put it on my to - do list, right underneath figuring out how the hell I'm playing this game tonight. Stiles: Maybe it's different for girl werewolves. Scott: Okay! Stop it! Stiles: Stop what? Scott: Stop saying "werewolves"! Stop enjoying this so much. Stiles: Are you okay? Scott: No! No, I'm not. I'm so far from being okay. Stiles: You know, you're gonna have to accept this, Scott, sooner or later. Scott: I can't. Stiles: Well, you're gonna have to. Scott: No! I can't breathe. Aah! Ah, pull over! Stiles: Why? What's happening? Scott: You kept it? Stiles: What was I supposed to do with it? Scott: Stop the car! Stiles: Okay - Okay. We're good, you can - Scott? Scott? Operator: Stiles, you know you can't call the dispatch line when I'm on duty. Stiles: I just need to know if you've gotten any odd calls. Operator: Odd how? Stiles: Uh, like an odd person or - a dog - like individual roaming the streets. Operator: I'm hanging up on you now. Stiles: No! Wai - wai - wai - wai - wait! Operator: Good bye! Chris: My god. Allison: Dad? Dad! What the hell are you doing? Chris: He - he came out of nowhere, Allison. Allison: Are you trying to kill him? Chris: No, no, of course not. He just - he just ran out into the driveway. Scott: I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'm sorry. Allison: You okay? Scott: Yeah. Y - yeah, I'm fine. I swear. Sorry I hit your car. I was just coming to say hi. Chris: You sure you're okay? Scott: Yeah. Yeah, completely. Uhh. I should go, I've got a - lacrosse game to get to. You're still coming, right? Allison: Of course I'm coming. Chris: We both are. Scott: You gonna try to convince me not to play? Stiles: I just hope you know what you're doing. Scott: If I don't play, I lose first line and Allison. Stiles: Allison's not going anywhere. And it's one game that you really don't need to play. Scott: I wanna play! I wanna be on the team. I wanna go out with Allison. I want a semi - freaking normal life. Do you get that? Stiles: I get it. Just try not to worry too much while you're out there, okay? Or get too angry. Scott: I got it. Stiles: Or stressed. Scott: I got it. Stiles: Don't think about Allison being in the stands. Or that her father's trying to kill you. Or that Derek's trying to kill you. Or the girl he killed. Or that you might kill someone. If a hunter doesn't kill you first - I'm sorry. I'll stop. Good luck. Lydia: Scott - I just want you to remember one thing for tonight. Scott: Uh - Winning isn't everything? Lydia: Nobody likes a loser. Coach: How's the shoulder? Jackson: It's fine. Coach: You feel any pain? Jackson: No. Coach: What if I gave it a big ol' punch? Would you - would you feel any pain then? Jackson: Maybe. Coach: Listen, just go out there. Just give it your best. If you feel any pain, just - Jackson: Just..keep - playing? Coach: That's my boy. Scott: Please let this be okay. Please. Sheriff: Hey, kid. Stiles: Hey. Sheriff: So, you think you'll see any action tonight? Stiles: Action? Maybe. Referee: Down! Scott: Please. Referee: Set! Coach: That's it, Jackson! Get fired up! Fired up! Stiles: Brutal. Oh, this is not gonna be good. Jackson: Only to me. Danny: But what if he's open? Jackson: Who's the captain, you or me? Danny: Jackson, come on, dude, I just wanna win. Jackson: We will win. Danny: But - Jackson: What did I say? Huh? What - did - I say? Danny: Don't pass to McCall. Referee: You okay, kid? Chris: Which one is Scott again? Lydia: Number 11. Otherwise known as the only one who hasn't caught a single ball this entire game. Allison: I hope he's okay. Lydia: I hope we're okay. We need to win this. Allison. A little help here? Referee: Down! Set! Stiles: Yes! That's what I - What? What? Coach: McCall! Pass to McCall! Referee: Set! Coach: Did the opposing team just deliberately pass us the ball? Stiles: Yes, I believe so, coach. Coach: Interesting. Goal! Yes! Yes! There you go. Wha - Way to go, McCall! What? The ball's in the net. Stiles: Ball's in the net. Coach: That's the goal of the game, is get the ball in the net! We got it. Referee: Down! Opponent: Hey, what the hell's up with your teammate, man? What's he on? Jackson: I don't know. Yet. Referee: Set! Stiles: No, no. Scott, no, no. Melissa: Come on, come on. Allison: You can do it, Scott. You can do it, Scott. Stiles: Yes! Ha! Oh, my God. Stiles: Dad, what's wrong? Allison: Scott? Scott, are you here? Scott? Scott? Allison: Hey, are you okay? Scott. You scared me. Are you all right? Scott: Yeah. Sorry, I - just got kind of lightheaded for a sec. Allison: Maybe it's the adrenaline. You were pretty amazing out there. Scott: I'm sorry for acting really weird today. Allison: It's okay. I can handle weird. Scott: To be totally honest, you, uh - make me kind of nervous. Allison: I do? Scott: Yeah, kind of like really nervous. I just-I - Wanna make sure I get my second chance. Allison: You already have it. I'm just waiting for you to take it. Scott: Well - maybe I need to learn to take more chances. Allison: Maybe you do. Allison: I gotta get back to my dad. Hi, Stiles. Stiles: Hey, yeah. Scott: I kissed her. Stiles: I saw. Scott: She kissed me. Stiles: Saw that too. That's pretty good, huh? Scott: I - I - I don't know how, but I controlled it. I pulled it back. Maybe I can do this. Maybe it's not that bad. Stiles: Yeah, heh. We'll talk later, then. Scott: What? Stiles: The, uh, medical examiner looked at the other half of the body we found. Scott: And - Stiles: Well, I'll keep it simple. Medical examiner determines killer of girl to be animal, not human. Derek's human, not animal. Derek not killer. Derek let out of jail. Scott: Are you kidding? Stiles: No, and here's a bigger kick in the ass. My dad I.D.'d the dead girl. Both halves. Her name was Laura Hale. Scott: Hale? Stiles: Derek's sister.	Plan: A: Scott; Q: Who is the target of Jackson and Lydia's lacrosse game? A: the werewolf curse; Q: What can be triggered by anger? A: the lacrosse game; Q: What event is Jackson hoping to humiliate Scott at? A: his girlfriend; Q: Who is Lydia? A: Will Scott; Q: Who will be able to control his rage? Summary: Scott and Stiles discover that the werewolf curse can also be triggered by anger, besides the full moon. With the lacrosse game coming up, Jackson and his girlfriend, Lydia, hope to humiliate Scott. Will Scott be able to control his rage?
INT. - OFFICE BUILDING - LOBBY - DAY [Gomey sits at the information desk in his security guard uniform. He's giving a woman directions.] Gomey: (points) It's the second set of elevators to the right. [The woman smiles and heads down the hall.] [Titlecard: Los Angeles, California - Present Day] [Gomey sits down and looks at his security monitor with a grin.] Gomey: Holy sh1t. [On the monitor is the image from a security camera in the building's stairwell. A man and a woman are having sx.] [Gomey looks around then dials the phone.] Gomey: (phone) Mark. You will not believe what I'm looking at! [Opening titles] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - MORNING [Someone knocks at the door. Bette, in her robe, opens it - it's Tina, with her bags.] Tina: I can't live in a stranger's guest house or some motel and I'm not going back to Alice's couch. I don't think it's fair that I'm being punished for something that I didn't do. So I'm going to stay in the guest room until I find a place of my own. Bette: (smiling) Welcome home. Tina: I'm not home. [Tina steps inside the doorway. Bette takes a look at her.] Tina: I've gained some weight. Bette: (smiling) I don't care. Tina: Oh, you don't even care? That's nice. [Tina walks off.] Bette: No, what I meant to say is that I'm just happy to be looking at you... standing... here... in our... house. [Tina didn't stand around to hear anything Bette said. Bette sighs.] INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY [The video of the couple having sx in the stairwell plays on Mark's computer monitor. Mark is working on his video camera. Gomey is watching the video.] Mark: Well? Definitely an award winner. Gomey: fck you, man. This is a quality fck tape! Mark: (to camera) Mark here, testing, testing. Gomey: What are you up to? Mark: Ah, I'm starting a new project. Gomey: Well, what is it? Mark: You'll see. Gomey: Hey, I'm your partner, you gotta tell me. Mark: Look, I'm not ready to talk about it yet, okay? It's still in its concept stages. But I will tell you that it is genius. EXT. - L.A. STREET - DAY [Shane and Jenny walk down the sidewalk. Jenny's hair is short and she's dressed in new clothes and sunglasses. She walks with confidence.] [They pass a girl who gives Jenny a good look. Shane laughs.] Jenny: What? [Shane dances in front of Jenny as they walk.] Shane: You just got cruised. [Jenny turns to look at the girl.] Jenny: Do you think she was looking at me? Shane: Oh yeah, in broad daylight, too. [Jenny and Shane put their arms around each other and keep walking.] Jenny: I love my haircut. [Jenny gives Shane a kiss on the cheek. Shane grins.] Jenny: (kissing) Mwah! INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY [Tina is having a bubble bath. A knock comes at the door. She quickly covers her breasts with bubbles. Bette walks in, carrying towels.] Bette: I'm sorry, I just - I just wanted to give you some fresh towels. [Bette averts her eyes and sets the towels down. She turns and starts to walk back out.] Tina: Bette? There's something I need to talk to you about. [Bette keeps her back to Tina. She looks a little worried.] Bette: Okay... Tina: Maybe later? You'll be home tonight? Bette: I will be if you want me to be. Tina: I'll see you tonight, then okay? [Bette smiles just a little.] Bette: Okay. [Bette leaves. Tina looks deep in thought.] INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY [Mark sits in front of his video camera and presses the button on a remote control. The camera starts taping.] Mark: (to camera) Hey. Uh, my name is Mark Wayland, and I live in a house with two lesbians. Now I know what you're probably thinking. You're wondering if I've hit it yet. Well, the thing is they're two real lesbians. Or else I would've. But don't worry, I'm still gonna try. Anyway, um... this is gonna be a - a project which will offer insight... ah, that's fcking lame. [Mark gets up and picks up the camera.] EXT. - THE CAC - DAY [Shiny museum exterior.] INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - DAY [Bette is sitting on the couch. James knocks on the door.] Bette: Come in. [James slides the door open and pokes his head in.] Bette: Shut the door. Here, sit. [James sits.] Bette: Does, um, does Tina have an appointment to see an apartment today? James: (rubs forehead) Uh, no, not today, the owner wasn't available but - Bette: I want you to take your time. Don't... push it. James: (nodding) Okay, but Tina needs a place... Bette: You call her at home, and tell her that you're working on it... I don't want you to lie... I just... want you to take your time. James: When you say call her at home, should I call her at the... Bette: (smiling) At our home. She moved back in this morning. James: (grins) That's great, that's what you wanted, right? [Bette's smile fades a little.] James: So why don't I just cancel it? Bette: Well, because in her mind, she's... thinking that it's only temporary, you know, she's still planning on finding a place of her own and I'm just hoping that once she's ensconced, she'll decide to stay. James: I see, so, you want us to take our time looking but still help Tina look but not really look too hard. Bette: (winks, grinning) Exactly. [James heads back to his desk.] INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - DAY [Seen through Mark's camera. The front door opens. Jenny and Shane come in, carrying takeout.] Shane: Aw, fck, Mark, not again. Mark: Guys, guys, just two minutes, hear me out. I got something to say and I think you're really gonna like it. [Jenny shakes her head 'no' and heads for the couch.] Jenny: Well I think that's wildly presumptuous of you, Mark. [Shane stands by the living room window, staring out. Mark sits in front of the camera, on the coffee table.] Jenny: Hey, Shane. Shane: Hm? Mark: (to camera) Hello. Mark here, asking the girls if they're in. I'm about to show them that this is mainly about me, that I would never ask them to expose themselves if I wasn't, like, willing to expose myself, like, way more. [Jenny sits down on the couch and gets the food out. Shane sits next to her.] Mark: (to camera) For example, I may tell about the time my boy Gomey used to hide in the closet when I brought back girls to our dorm room. [Mark gives a knowing nod and wink to the camera. Shane and Jenny stare at him, at a loss for words.] Jenny: That... isn't exactly... a self-revelation, Mark. Mark: (to camera) Oh, I'll dig. I can go way deeper. Shane: And what does this have to do with us? Mark: Right. Okay. So. [The girls start eating. Mark gets up and goes to sit on the floor near them. The scene is no longer through his camera lens.] Mark: I'm starting a new project. Jenny: That's great. Mark: Yeah. It is great. It's gonna be kind of like this, um... this journal of my life with the two of you guys. Basically it's just gonna be interviews every so often, and after awhile you won't even know the cameras are around. Jenny: Mm-hmm. Mark: I think this is going to be the best thing I've ever done. Jenny: Mm-hmm. Mark: Really. And if I could just get some footage, which (motioning to camera) you know, obviously I think I can (chuckles), then I know that I can get this thing financed and we can all get paid, which is something I know you both need. Jenny: (chewing) Mark, I think that there is a lot of "I"s contradicting the "we"s in your run-on sentence. [Shane chuckles as she takes a bite of her bagel.] Mark: Hmm. Well, that is because I am going to handle all of the details while you two just sit back and be your gorgeous, sexy selves. And get paid for that. Plus! I mean, honestly, think about how - how educational this is gonna be for people who don't know anything about people like you. [Mark is looking desperate. Jenny and Shane look at each other.] Jenny: (to Shane) What do you think he - Shane: (smiling) Ohh, my! Jenny: (blinking) What do you think he means, people like us? Shane: Oh! Jenny: What do you think he means? Shane: Oh, I think he's referring to... bean-fiddlers? Jenny: (gasping) Ohhh, the bobbing-for-apple girls. Shane: (smiling) Yes! Sassiness. Oh, yes. Jenny: (to Mark) Yes, the gay women. Mark: (pouty) But honestly, guys. Just think. I mean, think about how much you're gonna be Shane: I know. Mark: - helping out some poor little lonely lez - Jenny: (mock sadness) Oh, yes. Mark: - stuck out in the Midwest, without a role model in sight. [Jenny and Shane both put on pouty faces, mocking Mark.] Jenny: Very important. Mark: That could be you two. Jenny: (nodding) Mm-hmm. Mark: Okay. Just to show you - Jenny: Yes. Mark: - how very certain I am that I will get this funded, I will give you both twenty bucks, a piece, per interview, of my own money. Jenny: Is this gonna be like a... (to Shane) What's the thing called. Uh. Shane: Oh! Um. Jenny: (nodding) Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shane: Oh, right, right, right. The lesbians - Shane/Jenny: "Lesbians Gone Wild." Shane: (smiling) Sure. Jenny: Or is this gonna be like... you know - or the Maysles Brothers? Mark: (suavely) ... meets D.A. Pennebaker... with a little bit of... Nick Broomfield thrown in there. What do you think? [Jenny looks at Shane then takes a bite of her bagel.] Mark: Well? Jenny: Okay. Mark: Yes? Okay? Shane: No. [Mark looks at Jenny.] Shane: No. We'll think about it. Jenny: (nodding) Mm-hmm. Mark: Okay. INT. - ADULT TOY STORE - DAY [Tonya and Dana are looking at dildos on one side of the room; Alice is on the other, looking at vibrators.] Tonya: How cute would these be for the bachelorette gift bags? [Dana laughs.] Tonya: Oh, my god! [Tonya picks up a really long dildo and starts swinging it over her head.] Tonya: Ahh, wooooo! [Dana smiles and gives Tonya a 'no' look. Tonya puts the dildo between her legs and juts her hips forward, causing it to sling up and down. She makes loud, grunting noises.] Tonya: Oof! Oof! [They laugh. Alice turns to them.] Alice: Uh, guys? Guys. [Tonya and Dana stop, looking like they're being called down by a parent.] Alice: Yeah. I could probably take care of this whole gift bag shopping thing myself. [Tonya slings the dildo around, non-chalant.] Tonya: No, no, are you kidding? This is like the best part! [Tonya spots little lollipops shaped like breasts and penises on a table nearby, and her eyes go wide.] Tonya: (gasps) Oh, my god! [She goes over and picks up one of the tiny chocolate penises. Dana and Alice cast disapproving glances at one another.] Tonya: Ladies, how about a little of this! [Tonya starts moaning loudly, giving head to the lollipop.] Dana: Tonya, Tonya... (laughing) Stop it. [Dana takes the lollipop away. Alice covers her mouth and looks away, hiding her reaction.] Tonya: It's nice! Dana: (seriously) Stop it. [Tonya's shoulders drop.] Tonya: (to Alice) (chuckling) She's not a fan. But I guess this is a little more up your alley, isn't it, Alice? [Tonya holds the tiny pen1s out for Alice. Alice grabs a lollipop from the table that's shaped like a breast, and holds it up.] Alice: Actually, Tonya, this might be a little bit more up my alley. Tonya: More than this? Alice: Yeah, maybe a little. Tonya: Oh, really? Alice: Mm-hmm. [Dana takes the breast and the pen1s away from them.] Dana: Okay, stop it, both of you! [Tonya and Alice glare daggers at each other. Dana holds the two lollipops up to Alice.] Dana: Which one would you rather put in your mouth, Al? [Alice is silent. She looks at the lollipops, then squints at Dana. Tonya's eyes go wide.] Tonya: (gasps) I don't understand you bisexuals! I mean, really, make up your minds already. (to Dana) Right, honey? [Tonya grabs Dana's arm and yanks it, walking off.] Dana: (bitchy) (to Alice) Make up your minds already. [Alice snatches the breast lollipop from Dana. Tonya and Dana walk off. Pissed, Alice takes a bite of the lollipop and walks in another direction.] INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - DAY [Mark is behind the camera, filming his interview with Jenny and Shane who sit on the opposite couch. We see them through the camera again.] Mark: Hey, I've got a question for you. What is the primary lesbian sx act? Jenny: The primary lesbian sx act? Mark: Yeah, well for straight people it's fcking, right? Jenny: Mm-hmm. Mark: I mean everything we do, the kissing, the fondling, the foreplay, nyah nyah - all of it, it leads up to that one, ultimate, foregone conclusion. Jenny: And what makes you think lesbians don't fck? Mark: It's not possible. Unless we're talking dildos, which is cool, but it's not - Shane: Are you fcking kidding? It's completely possible. [Shane is highly annoyed. She gets up.] Mark: Well, I'm just - I'm asking because I want to know! Shane: You're asking because you're - Mark: I'm just trying to gain some understanding here, please! Shane: (tossing up hands, gesturing towards her head) Where do you live, Mark? It's entirely possible. Mark: I'm sorry. [Shane paces into the kitchen.] Shane: Is this a joke? Jenny: Mark, I mean, do you want us to demonstrate? Because this is obvious what this whole thing is leading up to, right? Mark: Hey, no, look. If you were writing a novel and you had some questions for me, I would totally be there for you. I'm just simply trying to gain some insight here, alright? I just... simply trying to gain an insight. Some unique perspective for us guys who don't understand. Something we haven't heard from anywhere else before. God. [Shane walks back, smoking a cigarette. She passes it to Jenny. Jenny takes a drag.] Shane: Don't be so aggressive... because it's embarrassing. [Shane walks off down the hall. Mark looks a little burned and shakes his head. He goes to sit next to Jenny and addresses the camera.] Mark: (to camera) (smiling) And there you have it. sx tip for all us horn dogs out there. From the lesbian sexual Conquistador herself. (raises brows) [Jenny gives him a sideways glance. Mark grabs a release form off the coffee table and hands it to Jenny.] Mark: Alright. Boilerplate release form I need you to sign. Where'd the other one go? Um, I need Shane to... (calling out) Shane? [Jenny rolls her eyes. She gets up and steps over Mark, and heads down the hall.] Mark: What, still too aggressive? Gah. INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - NIGHT [The lights are turned low. Tina sits at the dinner table, writing in a notebook and having dinner. The radio plays in the background, set on NPR. Bette walks in the door.] Radio: This is NPR, National Public Radio. The number of Americans living in poverty grows by one point seven million... [Tina looks up. They look at each other a little awkwardly. Bette walks into the dining room and sets down her briefcase.] Bette: Hey. Tina: I made too much. Do you want me to fix you a plate? Bette: No, stay, I'll go get it. [Bette starts to head for the kitchen, but stops, smiling at Tina nervously.] Bette: (smiling) You look really great. You're kind of... glowing. Tina: (smiling) Thanks. [Bette sighs as she walks into the kitchen to fix herself a plate.] Tina: Bette, I wanted, um, to tell you that - [Bette talks over Tina just after Tina gets the word 'Bette' out of her mouth.] Bette: God, I had the worst fcking day today. Thanks to Peggy Peabody's ct daughter, our grant is now in jeopardy and Franklin's completely flipping out. I can't imagine how fcked I'm going to be if they pull it. [Tina sips her water and looks down, switching gears.] Tina: I spent the day raising money, too. Bette: It's incredible, isn't it? And imagine if the whole future of the museum you've dedicated the last four years of your life to were depending on it. [Tina smirks.] Tina: Actually, the future of a lot of children's educations depends on whether I raise this money. [Bette heads back to the table with her food and sits down.] Bette: I wasn't suggesting that it's any less important, Tina. I mean, it breaks my heart, it does. But do you want those kids to grow up in a world without art? [Tina seems detached from the moment. She picks at her food.] Tina: No. Course not. [Bette looks at her, noticing the change in mood. She softens her tone.] Bette: You said you had something you wanted to talk to me about this morning? Tina: It was nothing. [They continue to eat.] LATER - [Tina's in bed, in the guest bedroom, reading. Bette knocks on the door. Tina tugs at her blanket to cover herself. Bette pokes her head in.] Bette: (smiling) I just wanted to say good night. Tina: (smiling) Good night. Bette: I'm - I'm sorry about... dinner. I- it's a habit I'm trying to break. Tina: It's not all your fault. [Bette smiles, then goes to close the door and go to bed, then she steps back in.] Bette: I hope you'll feel like talking to me tomorrow. Tina: I think maybe I will. [Bette smiles happily, and leaves. Tina takes a deep breath. Outside the room, Bette smiles to herself.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Music plays. People sit around drinking coffee. Alice sits at a table with her laptop, looking at her chart. She's so busy that she doesn't see Bette - and Tina - strolling up to her, together. Bette stands there and she finally looks up, then looks at Tina. She grins, and jumps up to hug them.] Alice: Oh, my god! This is great! [Everybody laughs. Alice hugs them both tightly, grinning widely.] Bette: (smiling) Alice, we're not back together. Alice: Well, I'm just saying hi! Bette: (smiling) Hi! Alice: So, what are you - what are you guys doing here? Together? Tina: I'm staying at the house until I get a place of my own. Alice: (grinning) Nice! Nice! [Alice hugs them again, squealing happily.] Alice: This is good! This is good! This is good! This is good! Bette: Yeah, I'm... I'm just gonna go see Kit. Alice: Yeah, well she's in the back with some hunka hunka burning love, I dunno. Bette: Benjamin Bradshaw. Alice: Oh, I dunno. Who is he? Bette: He's this, uh, business guru. She took one seminar with him, and now she's getting a private consultation. Alice: (raising brows) Oh. Okay. [Bette heads to Kit's office. As she goes, she signals to Alice by pointing, with a huge grin, to Tina. When Tina turns around, Bette pretends she was scratching her ear. Alice and Tina sit down.] Alice: Okay. What's happening? I mean, um... (closes laptop) Are you guys not together? Because you... you look... like you are. Tina: Well, let's just say... I'm not ruling it out. [They smile and giggle.] Alice: Okay, so she was cool with the (points to own belly) ... she didn't freak? What - what? Tina: I haven't told her yet. Alice: What? But she's - she's gotta know, she must know. I mean, she's gotta know. Is she fcking blind? Tina: Bette's pretty wrapped up in herself. She doesn't always see what's right in front of her. It's a problem. It's always been one of our problems. Alice: Yeah, Tina, this isn't really just a Bette problem. You have to tell her. [Tina nods, sighing.] INT. - THE PLANET - KIT'S OFFICE - DAY [Benjamin, the TOE guy, sits with Kit, talking. A knock comes at the door.] Kit: Come in! [Bette enters. Kit and Benjamin stand.] Kit: Hey, baby sis. Benjamin Bradshaw, this is my little sister, Bette Porter. [Benjamin and Bette shake hands.] Bette: Nice to meet you. Benjamin: Well, Kit's told me so much about you. I understand you've been going through some difficulty lately. If you feel you need someone to talk to - [Bette's smile fades. She looks uncomfortable.] Kit: Uh, uh, Benjamin. She's not ready for that right now. [Bette crosses her arms.] Kit: (clears throat) Benjamin and I have been going over last month's statements, and you would be amazed at the results of my work in TOE. Bette: Toe. Benjamin: T-O-E. Theory of Everything. [Benjamin holds up a copy of his book for Bette to see.] Benjamin: It's a physics principle uniting our understanding of the fundamental forces of nature into a single equation that's applicable to every question about life on earth. It's the basis of my system of personal transformation. [Bette gives her trademark cynical smile.] Kit: Bette, since my work in TOE, The Planet has gone form being in the red to black. [Bette smiles at Kit.] Benjamin: (to Kit) And? Kit: And I've prepaid the mortgage through September. Benjamin: (smiling) And? Kit: (chuckling) And Benjamin is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Benjamin: Well that's not what I was after, but thank you. I was going to say: (to Bette) and you're welcome to join Kit when she attends the advanced seminar next month. I'll waive the introductory course fee for you because Kit tells me you're very accomplished in your own right. [Bette's cynical gaze says she's not buying it.] Bette: Thank you. I guess. [Kit looks down.] Bette: Well, um... (laughs) just, you know, let me know when the next seminar is, and I will give it some thought. [Benjamin nods. Bette looks at Kit, who looks put down. Bette smiles at Benjamin and leaves.] INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY [Carmen is going through some of her records. Shane sits on the counter nearby.] Carmen: You know what, I really don't know. Is, uh... is Jenny always so weird? Shane: She's not weird. She's great. Carmen: Well maybe she's one of those people that's, you know, just constantly in her head. Shane: Carmen, she's a writer. She's supposed to be like that. [Carmen pulls a CD from her stash and hands it to Shane.] Carmen: Okay, so will you take a listen of this, please? And, uh, let me know if you think they'll be down for it. I mean, I really don't have that much of a sense of Dana and Tonya, so... that would help. [Carmen gets her DJ gear together. Shane looks at the CD.] Shane: You - you kissed her. Carmen: What? Shane: You kissed Jenny. Carmen: Oh, okay. Right. Yeah. Shane: Right? Carmen: Yeah, yeah, I did, but um... it was just the circumstances, I mean... I - I didn't think that you would mind about - Shane: And, no, and I - and I - hey, and I don't. Carmen: Okay. Good. (laughing) Thank God. Shane: You should um... you know, you should give her a chance. Carmen: Yeah. Shane: Yeah. Carmen: You know what? Shane: (smiling) What? What is it, sexy? [Carmen leans close to Shane.] Carmen: Don't try to hook me up. Bye. [Carmen leaves. Shane looks a little conflicted.] EXT. - PARAMOUNT STUDIOS LOT - DAY [Veronica walks along with her personal assistant Aaron, and her limo driver. She's looking at her cell phone as she listens to him. Shane, in her scraggly blue jeans and old flannel shirt, catches up to the group.] Aaron: Look, if she wants her story done, and done right, she's gonna deal with Veronica Bloom. Shane: Uh, Veronica, you called me. Veronica: (to Aaron) Maybe, but I need somebody to prime her first before I go in and do my thing. Aaron: Right beside ya. Veronica: Yeah, and so is your Fred Segal haircut and your Prada suit. [Aaron looks sufficiently stung.] Veronica: Look, I need somebody who looks relatively human or at least is a credible simulation. [They arrive at a stretch limo. Veronica puts a hand on the Aaron's shoulder and forcefully shoves him out of the way.] Veronica: (to Shane) And that's where hair girl comes in. Shane: fck you. Veronica: Hey, hey. Please. It won't happen again, just get in the car. [Shane walks off. Veronica stands on the limo's runner, inside the open door, and shouts at Shane.] Veronica: Shane. Shane. Shane. Get in the car. [As Shane walks, the limo slowly trails after her. Veronica stands in the door, calling after her.] Veronica: Shaaane. Shane. (making kissy noises) Come on, Shane, Come on, come on! I got a present for ya, baby! [Shane stops, but doesn't turn around.] Veronica: Once we punch the deal we can go get a mani pedi. Come on! Come on, Shane. Come on! (makes kissing noise) Mwah! INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - DAY [Bette and her assistant James are in Bette's work office. James is standing behind her, vaguely watching over her shoulder as he reads off a notepad.] James: I talked to Tina like we talked about. We're going to look at apartments next week. [Bette isn't paying attention to James; all of her attention is focused on her computer monitor.] Bette: The fcking Peabody Foundation hasn't awarded us a single fcking penny. They've pulled our funding. James: Well, there's got to be another page. [James leans over her shoulder, looking down at the monitor. He puts his hand over the mouse to scroll farther down the page. Bette looks completely stressed as her eyes quickly scan the monitor. We see the Foundation's webpage, a list of dozens of recipients of grants shown, along with each grant amount. The CAC is not on the list.] James: sh1t. [Bette tilts her head sideways a little.] Bette: Wait a minute. [At the very bottom of the page is listed a grant for $100,000. Recipient is listed as "Headquarters for Social Justice, Los Angeles, for the support of the Social Justice. Grant applicants: Tina Kennard and Oscar Alvarez."] Bette: (disbelief) Tina got a Peabody. Tina: (voice over) Oh, my God, you guys, they are awarding us a hundred thousand dollars! INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - DAY Co-worker: You did it! [Phones ring in the background and people bustle around happily. Tina and a group of her co-workers are standing around a computer screen, clutching each other in excitement.] Tina: Oh, my god! [Tina takes a closer look at the page.] Tina: Wait a minute. [Tina sits down at the computer and starts typing. She looks a little worried.] Co-worker: (laughing) I think that's it Tina, I don't think they're gonna give us another one. Co-worker #2: (off screen) Oscar is gonna flip! [Tina stops typing after a moment, and tilts her head to one side.] Tina: (clears throat) Can you guys excuse me for a minute? [Tina gets up and walks away. Her co-workers laugh happily about the grant.] INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - DAY [Bette sits unmoving, staring at her clasped hands on the desk. Her expression is quiet anger. Her phone rings. She moves slowly to pick it up. She stares at the caller ID display, then answers.] Bette: Hello? Tina: (phone) Bette? Bette: (coldly) I'm here. Tina: (phone) Are you okay? Bette: (still cold) Why do you ask? INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - BACK OFFICE - DAY [Tina is sitting in a quiet corner with the phone.] Tina: I saw the Peabody posting. INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - CNTD. [Bette looks down.] Bette: Congratulations. INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - BACK OFFICE - CNTD. [Tina rolls her eyes a little, frustrated and searching for words.] Tina: (sighs) I'm sorry, Bette. INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - CNTD. [Bette's expression is growing colder.] Tina: (phone) Is there anything I can do? Bette: (sarcastic) Well, maybe you could support me. I'll take some time off from work and start looking into a new career. INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - CNTD. Tina: That's not fair, Bette. INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - CNTD. Bette: Why did you even go after the Peabody? Was it some kind of vendetta against me? INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - BACK OFFICE - CNTD. [Tina's face crinkles up at the suggestion.] Tina: You're being ridiculous! Bette: (phone) Oh, I agree, its ridiculous to think that just because I - INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - CNTD. Bette: - shared my life with you, and supported you, that you would have any compunction at all about fcking with my livelihood. INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - BACK OFFICE - CNTD. [Tina shakes her head a little, looking completely dumbstruck at the things Bette's saying.] Tina: (sighing) Wha... INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - CNTD. Bette: You could have at least warned me. INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - BACK OFFICE - CNTD. Tina: It - it's not so easy to tell you things, Bette! INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - CNTD. Bette: (cold again) Not everything is easy, Tina. INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - BACK OFFICE - CNTD. Tina: But y - Bette: (phone) You know what, I'm getting upset now - INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - CNTD. Bette: - so I'm going to hang up the phone. [Bette disconnects the call.] INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - BACK OFFICE - CNTD. [Tina stares dumbfounded at the receiver in her hand.] INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - CNTD. [Bette sits still a perfect second before erupting angrily.] Bette: fck! [She hurls the phone across the room and it shatters against a wall. A moment later, her anger boils over and she throws back her head.] Bette: (screaming) FUUUUUCK!!! INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - CNTD. [Tina opens the door from the back office to applause, which catches her off-guard. Her frown turns to a smile. One of her co-workers moves towards her.] Co-worker: We just got a phone call! Helena Peabody is on her way over here! Tina: (shocked) Right now? Co-worker: (laughing) Yes! We got the biggest grant that they gave. Nobody else got as much money. [Tina looks bowled-over.] Co-worker: She's coming with a camera crew! Co-worker #2: (laughing) It was your proposal, Tina! [Tina smiles, her eyes huge. She lets out an excited laugh.] Tina: Okay, okay, uh, let's get this place looking sharp... (smiling) but not too sharp, we don't want her to think that we don't need the money. [They laugh excitedly. Tina holds up her fists, grinning.] EXT. - STREET OUTSIDE PRISCILLA NABOCHENKO'S HOUSE - DAY [A run-down neighborhood in L.A. A car goes by blasting music; there's dirt where grass should be on people's lawns; fences and bars surround dilapidated houses and apartment buildings; a car alarm is going off nearby. Veronica, along with her shiny black limo and her Prada-suited assistant Aaron, are as out of place as can be.] [Shane and Aaron get out and walk around to Veronica, who leans against the limo patiently.] Aaron: (to Shane) So, the woman we're about to meet was a prostitute, she was run by the Russian mob, until they tried to take her daughter away. She goes up against them, which nobody does and gets out alive. They already fcked up her face, you'll see. We want to make a movie out of her story, [Aaron walks up to the house. Shane follows. Veronica gruffly throws an arm around Shane. Shane looks like she'd rather be anywhere else.] Veronica: What we're after here... is her life rights. Priscilla Nabochenko is going to sell us the rights to her life! [Veronica gives Shane a good squeeze. They go up the steps to the door.] INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - DAY [Tina and her co-workers are leaning against a desk, looking over some papers. The suite door opens and three men, each bearing camera equipment, enter the room and immediately begin to set up.] Tina: Wow... Co-worker: The woman sure knows how to create a media event! [As Tina and the others watch on, Helena Peabody, escorted by two others in business attire, strides confidently into the room and looks around.] Co-worker: Holy sh1t. [Cameras flash as Helena turns around, her eyes falling on Tina and her co-workers.] Helena: Where's Tina Kennard? [Both co-workers point slowly at Tina. Tina stands, smiling. Helena strides over to her, cameras following. Helena oozes suave and culture.] Helena: You wrote this proposal? [Tina eyes Helena up and down.] Tina: Yes. [Helena moves her hand forward, grasping Tina's.] Helena: (sincerely) It brought tears to my eyes. [Tina lowers her face and chuckles, embarrassed.] Tina: Thank you, I'm flattered. [Helena glances around a bit.] Helena: Tina, why don't you give me the grand tour of the Headquarters for Social Justice? Tina: (smiling) Oh... [Tina looks at her co-workers, who look at each other, each seeming pretty impressed. Tina turns back to Helena.] Tina: Sure. Right this way. [Tina points off to her left. Helena, with her eyes still on Tina, moves off in the appointed direction. Tina turns and follows after her, secretly giving her an admiring glance. She glances over to her co-workers. The camera follows right behind them.] [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. - TONYA AND DANA'S APARTMENT COMPLEX - NIGHT [A nice apartment complex with several palm trees outside. There are a long ling of cars parked on the curb. A single streetlight lights the night.] Dana: (voice over) Oh, my God, it's going to be such a great bachelorette party. INT. - TONYA AND DANA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT [Alice and Dana sit on the floor against the couch, amidst a sea of bachelorette party gift bags they're making. Alice is tying ribbon around each gift bag's handle, and Dana is then using a pair of scissors to curl the ribbon.] Alice: I know. So what were you saying about me? [Alice ties a ribbon onto one bag. Dana curls the ribbon of another.] Dana: (smiling) I thought you had great tits. [Dana adds the bag to the collection.] Alice: (smiling) You noticed my tits? [Dana picks up another bag and smirks.] Dana: Right away! [Alice lets out a loud laugh.] Dana: Oh come on! They were like... [Dana puts her hands under her own breasts and moves them around, as if bouncing Alice's breasts up and down.] Dana: (sexy voice) ... "Hello, there." Alice: They were talking to you? I mean, that's creepy! Dana: Whole conversation! Alice: (grinning) Okay. [Alice ties a ribbon. Dana curls a ribbon. They each pick up another bag.] Dana: So how about you with me? Alice: Um... (smiling) I thought you were a hottie. Dana: Get out! Alice: (smiling) I did. [Dana snorts. They pick up the next bags. Dana looks at Alice, who's oblivious.] Dana: (seriously) Did you really? [Alice looks up at Dana. Their eyes lock. Alice smiles sweetly.] Alice: (shrugs) (smiling) Mm. (grins) Really. [They both chuckle nervously, then try to get back to the ribbon task. After a moment, Dana leans forward on her hands and knees to move the finished bags to one side. Alice fiddles with a piece of ribbon and catches herself looking at Dana's jean-clad ass. After a moment, she stares.] Alice: Dana? [Dana moves a bag, then puts both her hands on the floor. She drops her head.] Dana: (quietly) Yeah? [Alice stares very intently at Dana's rear.] Alice: You have a really nice ass. [Alice puts down the bag and reaches out her hand, taking a handful of Dana's behind. She pulls a little on Dana's back pocket. Dana hesitates just a moment, then turns around on her knees. Alice sits up to meet her - and they kiss wild and passionate.] [They pull and grope at each other, reeling back and forth on their knees. Alice tugs at Dana's jeans while Dana pulls at the hem of Alice's shirt. Between kisses, they manage to get a few words out.] Alice: God... oh, God. Dana: Take me! Just take me now. Alice: Okay... [Still kissing, both of them fuss at Dana's zipper until it partially relents. Dana pushes the tops of her jeans down.] Dana: Okay. Okay... here. (kissing) Help me. [Dana gets up on the couch behind her and sprawls out. Alice quickly follows. They both grapple crazily at each other, frenzied and panting hard.] Alice: I just... I just want to fck you so bad! [Dana frantically paws at Alice's head, pulling Alice's long necklaces off. Alice whimpers anxiously, tugging at Dana's jeans, which aren't budging.] Alice: (panicking) I just... Dana: Kiss me! [Dana grabs Alice and kisses her, pulling her weight on top of her. They kiss hard, grabbing at each other and grinding their bodies together. Alice slides her hand down around Dana's leg and hip, looking for the zipper again.] Dana: (breathlessly) Take my pants off! Take my pants off! Alice: (breathlessly) Okay! Okay! [Alice moves down between Dana's legs, pulling hard on Dana's tighter-than-tight jeans. They are practically sticking to Dana. Dana pushes down on the top of the jeans.] Alice: They're tight! Dana: Yeah! Alice: Real tight! [The jeans come down just a little. Alice slides backwards on the couch and braces with her feet as she pulls. Dana perches on the couch armrest, balancing her weight with her hands.] Dana: Pull! [The jeans finally peel down past Dana's knees. Alice uses her entire body weight to pull as hard as she can.] Alice: Oh, god, I just wanna fck you so bad! [Alice grabs the bottom of each leg of the pants and tugs. The pants quickly come off, which causes Dana to lose her balance. She quickly crashes backwards off the arm of the couch onto the floor, landing with a loud thud.] Dana: (groaning) Aww! [Alice rushes forward, arms out as Dana tries to push herself up, one leg still hooked over the arm rest of the couch.] Alice: (chuckling) Are you okay? Are you okay? Dana: Yeah! [Dana starts pushing herself to her feet as Alice moves back on the couch again.] Alice: (frantically) Are you okay? Dana: (panting) Yeah, yeah! Alice: Yeah? Dana: Yeah! [Dana steps over the arm of the couch to get back to Alice.] Alice: Are you okay? Dana: Yeah! Alice: You're okay? Dana: (breathlessly) Okay! [They stand on their knees in the middle of the couch, kissing wildly. Alice moans loudly. Dana starts to tug on Alice's shirt, trying to pull it over her head. Then it happens: Alice's shirt is so tight that they can't get it off. It's halfway off, around Alice's chin. Alice has her arms in the air, trying to tug at the back of the shirt.] Alice: Get it off! Dana: I can't! It's tight! [They both pull hard at it. Alice tugs at the back.] Alice: Don't rip it! [Finally, Dana yanks the shirt over Alice's head, leaving just her bra. They grin and grab each other, kissing with more fervor than before. Dana starts to lose her balance, but before they can tumble into the floor, Alice braces their landing with an outstretched hand. They roll off the couch onto the carpet.] [Alice rolls on top of Dana and starts flinging gift bags and couch pillows out of the way. Dana moans as they both kiss and grab at each other. Dana rolls over on top of Alice, kissing her. Alice gasps and moans frantically.] MOMENTS LATER - [Among the gift bags. Dana is on top of Alice. Both are finally naked. They move together a little slower, more rhythmically back and forth, making love. Alice writhes in ecstasy; Dana watches her closely.] MOMENTS LATER - [Still on the floor with the gift bags. Dana and Alice kiss as Dana thrusts slowly into Alice.] Alice: (breathlessly) Wait... wait. [Alice pulls Dana's hair back.] Dana: (panting) Are you okay? Alice: I want more of you... Dana: (smiling) Oh... [Dana kisses Alice. Alice shakes her head, breaking the kiss. Dana looks at her.] Alice: (panting) No... fingers.. Fingers. More fingers. [Dana nods enthusiastically and kisses Alice.] CUT TO - [Alice straddles Dana's on a big chair, bouncing up and down, riding her hard.] CUT TO - [Again, on the floor, Dana thrusts into Alice. Alice is in ecstasy, breathless and wild.] CUT TO - [On the chair, Alice bounces hard, moaning in pleasure, her head thrown back.] CUT TO - [Floor. Alice braces herself against the couch, moaning.] CUT TO - [Chair. Alice hangs on to Dana for the ride.] Alice: (moaning) That feels so good... CUT TO - [Floor. Dana moves faster.] CUT TO - [Chair. Alice moans deeply in spent euphoria and her body goes lax. She tumbles backwards off Dana's lap, landing with a thud on the floor.] MOMENTS LATER - [Dana and Alice are in front of the chair now, back on the floor, among the wreckage of couch pillows, clothing, and turned-over gift bags. From our vantage point behind the chair, we can see limbs on either side, but not the whole scene. On one side we see Dana's legs, her toes digging into the carpet, and Alice's hand gripping at the floor. On the other side, we see Alice's legs, her toes curled up, and Dana's head between her legs. They both moan.] LATER - IN THE KITCHEN [The kitchen is dark, save for the light from the refrigerator. In their underwear, Alice and Dana sit facing each other, arms and legs wrapped around each other, on the floor next to the open fridge. Dana is blindfolded. Alice smiles as she sprays whipped cream from a can into Dana's mouth.] CUT TO - [Still in the same position, they kiss sensually.] CUT TO - [Alice smiles as she feeds the still-blindfolded Dana a strawberry. Dana curls her tongue around it, taking it in.] CUT TO - [They kiss deeply.] CUT TO - [Alice sprays whipped cream onto Dana's breasts and Dana bursts out laughing.] EXT. - PRISCILLA NABOCHENKO'S DOBCHENKO'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Sunset has come and gone. The neighborhood is dark. Veronica's shiny limo is still parked outside. Police sirens are heard in the distance.] Aaron: (voice over) You are making - INT. - PRISCILLA NABOCHENKO'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [Priscilla Nabochenko is an attractive woman in her early 30s. Her face shows long scar lines from where the Russian mob cut her. Children are heard shouting and playing somewhere in the house. Aaron sits with Priscilla on the couch. She stares at him impassively as he speaks. Veronica sits on a chair nearby. Shane stands aloof in the corner, observing.] Aaron: (to Priscilla) - the biggest mistake of your life if you sign with the Bruckheimers. (raising voice) Do you know who Veronica Bloom is? [Veronica claps her hands once to get Aaron's attention.] Veronica: Aaron. That's enough. (to Priscilla) Why don't we let Priscilla have a minute to breathe? [Veronica and Aaron go to leave. When Shane turns to follow them, Veronica snatches her by the arm and harshly yanks her back.] Shane: What? Veronica: (whispering harshly) You stay here. [Veronica smiles at Priscilla, then leaves with Aaron from the room. Priscilla glares at them as they leave, then looks at Shane. Priscilla is obviously a little irked at the way Veronica jerked Shane's arm. Shane looks around like she's not sure what to do next.] Priscilla: (thick Russian accent) You want some fruit juice or something? Shane: Oh, no. No, no, no, I'm okay. Thank you. [Shane looks around, wondering what to do, but Priscilla keeps her eyes on Shane now.] Priscilla: So what do you do for a living? Are you like a producer or something? Shane: (chuckles) fck no. Um, I'm a hair stylist. And I guess I'm Veronica's assistant, too. Priscilla: (nods) Really. Shane: Yeah. Priscilla: Hair stylist. Shane: (nods) Yep. [Priscilla looks down a little, seeming nostalgic.] Priscilla: That's something I always wanted to do. Shane: You could do it. [Priscilla nods a little, giving Shane a small, sad smile.] Shane: You know, I, uh... I used to do what you do, kind of. Priscilla: (nods a little) Really. Shane: Yeah. Yeah, I used to... trick around Santa Monica Boulevard. And uh, there was this guy, who was... you know, he was weird, but uh, he was okay. (smiles) He sent me to hairdressing school. [Shane sticks her hands in her pockets and shrugs.] Priscilla: (nodding to the side, meaning Veronica) She ok? [Shane stares at the wall, takes a deep breath, and sighs.] INT. - VERONICA'S LIMO - NIGHT [The limo is en route. Veronica and Shane sit on the back seat. Aaron sits on a side bench.] Veronica: Well, I guess I called it, didn't I Shane? You're the closer! [Veronica gives Shane an affectionate but heavy slap on the leg. Shane cringes like it may have hurt.] Shane: (quietly) Yes, I know. Aaron: Vee, that is awesome, congratulations. Veronica: I had to add a caveat in writing to her deal memo. Priscilla now has it in her deal... (to Shane) that she gets to work with you. [Shane snaps a look at her.] Shane: Ah, Veronica, that's not cool! Veronica: It's totally cool, Shane. [Veronica grabs Shane around the neck and yanks Shane over to her. As she talks, she shakes Shane excitedly like a little rag puppet.] Veronica: (whispering) We did it! We did it, we f*cking did it. Its gonna be a phenomenal project! [Veronica releases Shane, who goes back to sitting upright, looking shaken.] Aaron: Total Academy Awards time. [Veronica's hand still on Shane, she shakes her and squeezes her the muscles in her shoulder a little as she speaks. Shane's face contorts in pain. Aaron doesn't notice, and Veronica certainly doesn't notice because her eyes are closed as she daydreams.] Veronica: I am thinking... Angelina Jolie. Maybe Julia Roberts. Maggie Gyllenhaal if we wanna do something really quirky. INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - NIGHT [The atmosphere is festive. Latino music blasts out of a nearby stereo. People are bustling around. On one side of the room Helena sits on a couch talking to a few young adults as her cameraman films her.] Helena: (to young adults) This is really great. [Tina walks into the room and looks at Helena. Helena looks up and they make eye contact. Tina moves to stand near a counter.] Helena: (to young adults) You know you should be really proud of yourselves. Excuse me, I'm just gonna... [Helena makes the across-throat 'cut' signal to her cameraman.] Helena: Cut. (to young adults) I'm just gonna... I'll be back. I'll come back and talk to you, okay? Helena: I'm just gonna... I'll be back, I'll come back and talk to you, okay? [Helena gets up and advances towards Tina, swaying her hips sweetly. Tina tries to look busy writing something on a clipboard.] Helena: When's your baby due? [Tina smiles and blushes, then giggles a little and looks down.] Tina: I'm at fourteen weeks. [Helena looks at Tina's belly, then grins up at her.] Helena: Are you having twins? [Tina looks a little stung. She looks down at her belly and touches it, making a face. Helena realizes what she said, and puts her hands on Tina's.] Helena: We - hey. You're beautiful, I... I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Tina: It's okay. I - I'm just starting to get used to showing. [Helena looks down at Tina's belly, then smiles widely as she leans against the counter.] Helena: I find it quite sexy, actually. [Tina looks a little taken aback by Helena. Helena looks over at the kids she was talking to a moment ago, giving Tina an opportunity to really look at Helena. She seems to be watching her with a great deal of interest.] Helena: My kids are still in New York. Can't tell you how much I miss them. [Tina tilts her head to one side, as though a little surprised.] Tina: You have children? Helena: (looks at Tina) Mm. (nods) One adopted one my partner gave birth to. Tina: (raises brows) Oh. [Tina shuffles in place for a second, looking down.] Helena: We're separated. [Tina looks surprised again.] Helena: Just to get that out of the way. [They both nod.] Tina: Uh, my partner and I are, too. (nods) I - I'm doing this on my own. [Helena faces Tina again.] Helena: You know, I have a feeling you and I are going to find out we have quite a lot in common. [Tina laughs and blushes a little bit.] Helena: Have dinner with me tonight. [Tina and Helena stare at each other for a moment.] Tina: (a beat) My friend is having this bache	Plan: A: her relationship; Q: What does Bette try to fix with Tina? A: the house; Q: Where does Tina temporarily settle in? A: Los Angeles; Q: Where does Helena Peabody arrive to stay? A: the CAC; Q: Helena Peabody maliciously withdraws Bette's grant from what? A: a $100,000 grant; Q: What does Helena Peabody give to Tina's social work office? A: Things; Q: What goes from bad to worse for Bette when she finds out that she was the last to know about Tina's pregnancy? A: their secret relationship; Q: What do Alice and Dana try to take to a new level with new sexual positions? A: a different level; Q: What do Alice and Dana try to take their secret relationship to? A: Tonya; Q: Who throws a bachelorette party at The Planet? A: Carmen; Q: Who is the DJ at Tonya's bachelorette party? A: Shane; Q: Who starts her new job as the PA to Veronica Bloom? A: Jenny; Q: Who gets some confidence from her new shortened hairstyle? A: her new shortened hairstyle; Q: What gives Jenny some confidence? A: Mark; Q: Who launches a new video project? Summary: Bette tries to fix her relationship with Tina who temporarily settles in the house. Bette also gets some bad news at work when Helena Peabody arrives in Los Angeles to stay and maliciously withdraws her grant from the CAC and gives a $100,000 grant to Tina's social work office. Things go from bad to worse for Bette when she later finds out that she was the last to know about Tina's pregnancy. Alice and Dana try taking their secret relationship to a different level with new sexual positions. Tonya throws a bachelorette party at The Planet with Dana's and Tonya's mothers in attendance and Carmen as the DJ. Shane starts her new job as the PA to Veronica Bloom. Jenny gets some confidence from her new shortened hairstyle, while Mark launches a new video project, with both Jenny and Shane being the center of it.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Mags: It was already in the glass, not in the jar. Walt: [ Grunts ] Mags: That's was my grandmama's, before she passed it on to my mama. She give it to me when I turned 16. [ Chuckles ] I lit up like a firecracker. There. You're like a dream come true for this old girl. Loretta: [ Sobbing ] Oh, daddy. Raylan, I'm sorry to bother you. I just -- I knew they'd killed him. I knew it. Please help me, Raylan. Mags: Whatever you decide to do, the county is yours, far as I'm concerned. One thing -- Stay out of the weed business. It's Bennett territory. Boyd: Since you called off the deal that I made with your mama, I'm gonna have to take all the weed business, too, starting with this right here. Dickie: We need to talk to Arlo. Helen: He's not here. Dickie: Because Arlo is off somewhere with Boyd Crowder counting my money. Helen: Oh! Art: Raylan. Raylan: Art. Art: I am truly sorry about your aunt. Raylan: Yeah, well, I-I appreciate it. If, uh, you don't mind, I'd like to take another week's leave. Art: Seems like a good idea. Something else I can do for you, Raylan? Raylan: Yeah. I'd, uh... I'd like to go back to Glynco, get out of the field, try my hand at firearms instruction again. Art: So, you want me to recommend you for a promotion? Raylan: Yeah. They're always looking for guys like me. Art: You mean guys that have shot people? Raylan: Exactly. Art: Yeah, well, you got that covered. Let me think about it. Raylan: You saying it's a bad idea? Art: No. I'm saying I want to think about it. Good night, Raylan. Raylan: Night, Art. [ Beeping ] [ Door closes, beeping stops ] Doyle: Mama inside? Dickie: Yeah. Mags: What's that look on your face? Doyle: Boyd Crowder wants to parley. Mags: Ooh! Dickie: What?! No, no, no. He started all this, and now he wants to parley? Mags: Doyle, where are Sarah Jean and the babies? Doyle: I got them nice and safe, mama, just like you told me to. Dickie: Mama, mama, I know I don't need to ask you this, but we ain't gonna sit down with Boyd, are we? Mags: Why not? Dickie: I'll tell you why not-- because we don't need him. We got more than enough men to crush him like a bug. And he knows that, mama. He knows that. Why else would he be asking to parley? Doyle: Dickie's right about that much. I mean, he did sound like a man who's ready to come to terms. Dickie: And the thing about that is, it's too damn late for that. I mean, he already made his move. Mags: And you had nothing to do with that, I suppose. Dickie: Mama... I explained that to you. Mags: 'Course I'm gonna sit down with him. Why shouldn't I? Everybody makes mistakes. His was coming after our pot money. Yours was telling him what was in your mind. And mine... mine was thinking I had the measure of him. Boyd: [ Sighs ] Right on time. I do appreciate punctuality. Look, Doyle Bennett's more than just a friend. He's a mentor. Boyd: Well, it's all well and good as far as it goes. What's that supposed to mean, Boyd? Boyd: Makes me wonder why you're talking to me. [ Sighs ] I got my reasons. Boyd: Well, let's hear it, Nicky, 'cause from where I'm sitting, this looks an awful lot like a set-up. I thought the Bennetts were gonna keep Black Pike out. Instead, they used us to make a better deal for themselves. The runoff from Black Pike is gonna drive us off that mountain. Due respect to Doyle, the Bennetts have had their way far too long. Boyd: [ Chuckles ] That's it? You got nothing more to say? I'm not doing this for the money. Boyd: Oh, I know. You're doing it to get Doyle out of the way so that you can be chief of police. ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ I don't understand why Loretta doesn't have to go but we all still got to. And I told you, you don't need to concern yourself about Loretta. She's got a head cold. Now get in and zip it. All right. Loretta: Hey. We'll all go to Sunday school together this week, all right? Soon as I'm up to it. God can tell when you're lying, Loretta. He sees all things. You don't have that seat belt on in the next three seconds, he's gonna see me lay a hand across your backside. Any problems, you call us, all right? Loretta: Yes, sir. All right. Feel better. We'll see you in a bit. Raylan: [ Inhales sharply ] [ Clears throat ] [ Toothbrush scrubbing ] Hi. Winona: Hi. So, is Art gonna make that phone call? Raylan: [ Grunts ] Well, I got the impression it's gonna be a little harder than I thought. Winona: You don't want to go, do you? Raylan: What are you talking about? Winona: Well, if you wanted to go, we'd be gone. Raylan: It was my idea. Winona: And I'm pregnant, so if you don't want to go, you need to let me know right now so we can deal with it and move on. Raylan: What was that? Winona: If you don't want to go, let me know and we can deal with it. Raylan: No, no, not that part. The other part. You're pregnant? Winona: Mm-hmm. Raylan: You're sure? Winona: I didn't know until the day before yesterday, but I didn't want to tell you at the funeral. Raylan: Why not? Winona: I just thought you'd be mad. Raylan: Mad? It's like the best news I've heard in, like... Winona: Ever? Raylan: That's the word I was looking for. Winona: [ Laughs ] Raylan: And we are going to Glynco, by the way. I don't know if it'll be six weeks or six months, but we'll go, and if we can't go, I'll quit. You know? Do something else. I don't have any skills, so I don't know what that'll be, but I'll think of something. Maybe I'll sell ice cream. I like ice cream. Winona: I'm scared, Raylan. Boyd: Well, the Bennetts are in the house. Morning, Mags. Doyle. Doyle: Pastor. Now, at this time, I'm gonna have to ask you to surrender any and all weapons or firearms in your possession. Thank you. Doyle: That's everything. Mama, you packing? Mags: No. I'll -- I'll step outside now, let y'all talk business. Uh, door's locked till the parley's over. Boyd: Well, I want to thank you both for agreeing to this sit-down. This is a very sensitive time for all parties concerned. But surely, it's better that we talk things out now than shoot them out later. Arlo: Case you didn't notice, the shooting's already started. Boyd: As I was saying, emotions are running awful high right now. But nobody wants a full-scale war. Doyle: Yeah, nobody without enough guns, anyway. Mags: I came here to listen to Boyd Crowder, not you. Boyd: The point is taken, Doyle. You Bennetts are many. We are few. But I think we both can agree that bloodletting is bad for business. Mags: You want to talk about business, huh? Boyd: Yeah, Mags, I do. Mags: All right, then. Aside from money, what is business but contracts and agreements? Now, you and me, we had an agreement. I gave up my family's claim on this county, but for one thing -- the pot business. Boyd: That's true, Mags, but then your son Dickie approached me. Mags: You didn't shake hands with Dickie -- you shook hands with me. We had a deal, and you broke it. Rest is just chin music. Boyd: You're right, Mags. I'm sorry. Mags: Question is... What do you aim to do about it? Doyle: What is this? Boyd: The money we took from Dickie -- every single dollar. Mags: Well, now... I'd say that's a step in the right direction. Devil: What the hell you doing? Ava: I'm not staying in the cellar. Smells like moldy death down there. Devil: Yeah, well, Boyd said you got to -- Ava: I know what he said. You're watching the front. I'm gonna keep an eye out back, make some coffee while I'm at it. Fresh black coffee? You hear from Johnny? Devil: Yeah. He's at his house. Mags: Strikes me that this little deal of ours may not be enough for you. Oh, it's enough for now, when it's just you, Arlo, the cripple, and the other feller. But one of these days, you're gonna want more. And we both know, when that day comes, you will take more. Ava: Devil, you want sugar? [ Truck doors close ] Johnny Crowder? Ava: [ Gasps ] Devil! Devil: You stay the hell down! Ugh! Ugh! Dickie: Hello, Ava. Ava: Oh! Dickie! Ugh! Devil: Hey, Ava! You all right? [ Cellphone ringing ] Doyle: It's Dickie. Mags: Answer it. Doyle: Yeah? What? Are you sure? Boyd: Well, I take it that's not good news. I didn't want to make the mistake of underestimating you, Mags, but now I think we understand each other. Arlo. Loretta? Loretta?! [ Cellphone rings ] Raylan: Loretta? Who's this? Raylan: What do you mean, "Who's this?" Who the hell is this? This is officer Riley, Lexington Police. Your turn. Raylan: Well, officer Riley, this is deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens. Where's Loretta? Yeah, it looks like she's gone. Raylan: What do you mean, "gone"? Parents left her alone for a couple hours, returned to find her missing. Called it in as a possible abduction. She left the cell, so I'm checking the outgoing calls. Raylan: I-I'll be there in a few. Winona: What was that about? Raylan: Do you mind being a little late to work? Boyd: Where's Ava? Where's Ava?! Devil: Well, she's --she's on the couch. Arlo: Get that body off the road. Boyd: [ Breathing heavily ] Ava: I'm sorry. Boyd: You're sorry? Ava: You told me to stay in the cellar. Boyd: Baby, why didn't -- w-why-- why didn't you stay... W-where's your doctor? Arlo: On his way. Boyd: Why wasn't she in the cellar? Devil: She wouldn't stay down. Boyd: You should have made her stay down! Devil: I know. I-I'm sorry, Boyd. Boyd: You're sorry?! Huh? Devil: I'm sorry, Boyd. Boyd, I know. I know. I know. Boyd: Who shot her? Devil: It was Dickie Bennett. Boyd: Did you see him? Devil: It's what she said. [ Dialing ] Boyd: I need you to find me Dickie Bennett. Neighbor down the block had her eyes on a car she didn't like, hanging around out in front of the house. Raylan: How nosy did she get? Brown sedan, license pings back to a Wade Messer. No address, just a rural route in Harlan County. Raylan: Anybody see her near the car? Uh, no. Raylan: Call trooper Tom bergen down in Harlan. Sure. I know Tom. Raylan: He knows the girl's history. He could be helpful. I'll do that. [ Engine turns over ] Raylan: [ Sighs ] Okay. Police are gone. I saw you talking to the officer, ducking his eyes. Whatever you felt like you couldn't say in their presence, now you can. Sorry. I don't -- I don't know what you're talking about. Raylan: Stop. Glen, I don't want you to speak anymore, 'cause once you start lying to me, there's gonna be a river between us with no bridge to cross. Do you understand what I'm saying? Nod if you do. Okay. Good. Start again. I've lived a righteous life since I've come up to Lexington. I got my affairs in order, I make it to my meetings -- I'm a good father, and I work hard, marshal. Raylan: But? Years back, I did a piece for burglary and trespass over in South Carolina. 15 years now since I've been out. Raylan: And what? You don't want anything to happen to the kids over some chickenshit from your past? Thing is, got kids around, all you can do is protect them. You feel this, like, natural pull. Raylan: You bought a gun. A little Smith & Wesson .38 I got at a gun show a couple years back. Kept it in the closet, for protection. Raylan: Where's that gun now, Glen? I don't know. It was there last night, and now it's gone, along with about $300 I saved in a drawer for emergencies. Loretta: What? Deal didn't include me paying for your gas on top, Messer. Well, then we're gonna have to live here, 'cause I ain't a-got no other way to pay for it. Hey. Thank you. Tell me, Retty, what do you got in that bag?! Loretta: What the hell, man? What you got in that bag, Retty?! Loretta: It ain't none of your concern. Hell it ain't. You got a piece in there. Why are you dragging a gun down to Harlan, girl? You tell me right now, Loretta, or this ship don't sail. Loretta: I aim to find what happened to my daddy. That's all. Are you out of your goddamn mind? You roll into Harlan with a gun, asking questions about what happened to Walt, what do you think is gonna happen? Loretta: You ain't got to worry about it. You're getting paid. Paid? There ain't enough money in this world worth crossing the Bennetts over. I thought you already knew that. Loretta: Just get me as far as the county line. That's all I'm asking. Hell no. This stops right here. We're going to Lexington while we still have a shot. Loretta: Messer, don't you put this car in gear. You make me pull my hand out of this bag, you might not like what it comes up with. All right. You the boss. I considered your daddy a friend. We wasn't close, but I held him in some regard. And that's the only reason why I agreed to carry you down here. Loretta: I've come this far, Messer. I will see this thing through. I owe daddy that much. [SCENE_BREAK] Raylan: I'm sorry. Winona: Where are we going? Raylan: I'm still gonna take you to work and drop you off. Winona: And then? Raylan: Then I got this thing I need to deal with. Winona: Do you still plan on picking me up from work? Raylan: As soon as I'm done with this thing, yes. Winona: This thing in Harlan? Raylan: Yeah. Winona: Well, we just attended a funeral after you killed a guy whose family's been feuding with your family for the past 70 years. Raylan, what if they took her? What if they did that to try and pull you back in? Raylan: Nobody took the girl. Winona: You don't know that. Raylan: She's got a gun. She's got money. She's likely going down there to avenge her daddy's murder. Winona: How can you be so sure? Raylan: Because that's what I would have done when I was her age. What do you want me to do? Do you want me just to leave this alone? Winona: Yeah. I want you to leave this alone. I want you to leave it to the authorities. This is not your problem, Raylan. Raylan: She's a 14-year-old girl. Winona: [ Voice breaking ] I know. It's not your problem. Please. Not today. Raylan: Winona... I promise you I will be fine. Winona: Okay. Take me to work. And go to Harlan. But I can't promise you I'm gonna be here when you get back. Doyle: How you boys doing? Comfortable? There's a goddamn war going on. Anybody tell you that? Mooney, you believe this sh1t? Well, you get what you pay for. That's a fact. Dickie: What's the trouble out here, Doyle? Doyle: Where's mama? Dickie: Mama! Doyle: These rodeo clowns your idea of security? Sitting around smoking, drinking, playing with themselves? Dickie: Why don't you just cool yourself down? Ain't nobody got by 'em yet. Doyle: Mama, I thought you'd want to know. The state troopers put out a BOLO watch on Wade Messer. Raylan Givens doing the looking. Messer's heading this way. He's got that McCready girl with him. Mags: Loretta? Doyle: Yes, ma'am. Mags: [ Scoffs ] What are you doing about it? Doyle: Well, my boys got their eyes peeled, just like them troopers. Mags: Dickie, you get on up to rabbit holler, and you wait for 'em. Dickie: Rabbit holler? But what if he ain't, uh -- Mags: Don't "what if" me. You get Loretta, and you bring her here. Dickie: Mama, mama, I'm just trying to get a word in edgewise to say, what if he ain't got her? Mags: Well, you find out where she is, and you get her! Now! Dickie: Okay. I'm going. Mags: And you be damn sure no harm comes to that girl. [ Footsteps approach ] Arlo: Boyd. Boyd: [ Sighs ] Boyd: This your doctor? Arlo: Yep. Boyd: What are you, a med student? I'm a doctor. I run a free clinic in Corbin. Boyd: You run a clinic, what are you doing this for? Because the clinic needs money and you're gonna give us a lot of it. Boyd: You fix her as if your life depended on it, 'cause it surely does. You don't leave her side. Devil: You got it. [ Cellphone rings ] Raylan: Tom, got anything? Tom: I got a call about Loretta from the Lexington P.D. Raylan: Yeah. Put out a BOLO out? Tom: As soon as I hung up. Anybody spots Messer, they're gonna give you a call. Raylan: Okay. Art: Well, you got everything you need? Winona! Winona: Art. [ Sighs ] Can we talk? Art: Sure. Now, dear, as fond as I am of you, I hope this is not about Glynco. Winona: No. Um, Raylan went to Harlan this morning. He seems to think Loretta's in trouble or that she's gonna get herself in trouble. Art: Uh-huh. Winona: Art, he went back to Harlan. There are people there who want him dead. Art: I imagine he's aware of that. Winona: Well, the marshals need to help. Art: Winona, whatever Raylan is doing over there is on his personal time. Winona: Art... please. Come on. You got to help him. Art: Sometimes you just can't help. [ Thudding in distance ] Raylan: Wade Messer. Raylan Givens. Damn! Raylan! Raylan: How you doing? Just fine. Raylan: Good. Good. Where's Loretta McCready? Loretta? Raylan: Mm-hmm. Well, she called, looking for a ride. Her daddy was a friend, so I obliged. Raylan: I'm gonna ask you to put the hammer down and keep your hands where I can see 'em. Sure. So, how you been keeping yourself? Raylan: Oh, pretty good, joined the marshals service. Where is she now? Gas stop. Marshals service, huh? Boy, I'd have never guessed that. Raylan: I'm gonna check you for weapons. Then you can show me which gas stop. You mind if we take your car? Raylan: No. Oh! Dickie: Whoo! Right there. Nobody gonna tell me that wasn't no base hit. [ Grunts ] All right. That ain't going anywhere. Dickie: I appreciate the help, there, Wade. Mr. Bennett, sir, uh, if that girl had told me what she was thinking of doin', I'd have called you, first thing. Dickie: No harm, no foul, my friend. But, listen, I'm gonna need you to do something for me, okay? What's that? You name it. Dickie: Need you to get your ass back out there and find that girl. Will you do that for me? Oh, yes, sir. Dickie: Okay. Listen to me. You find that girl, all will be forgiven. Yes, sir. Dickie: Now, go on. Go on. Well... How you doing, there, Raylan? Huh? I bet you'd like a handful of aspirin for that headache right about now, wouldn't you, hmm? Raylan: Where's Loretta? Dickie: Wade told me Loretta offered him $150 to bring her back. Then Doyle heard on the police radio that you had them on some kind of watch list, and what do you know? Here we both are. It's the top of the 1st, Raylan. Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter... swing! Raylan: [ Grunts ] Dickie: Oh! Raylan: sh1t! Dickie: Ho-ho! Foul ball! Stee-rike one. Sounded like it hurt, though. Yeah. Raylan: She's here to find the people who killed her daddy. Dickie: Better do some stretching here. Yeah. Coach always said, "Make sure you warm up first." Your coach tell you that, Raylan? Raylan: You're not concerned? Dickie: No. He dropped her off at a gas station about 60 miles from here. Raylan: What? Oh! You know, I was gonna tell you. I was reading somewhere that, uh, a person takes something like 6,000, 7,000 steps a day. You believe that? A day. Raylan: Go back to the part about you reading. Dickie: So funny. But think about that, Raylan. 7,000. Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you. That number -- ooh! 7,000 steps a day -- 7,000 steps a day for, let's say, oh, 20 years or so. Oh! Come on! Come on! 20 years. What's that come out to, Raylan? Huh? Raylan: I don't know. Dickie: You still got yourself a damn big number. And listen to me. That is whats I figure you owe me, Raylan... Raylan: Okay. ...For every step I've had to take on this... ragged-ass knee going back 20 years, Raylan. Come on, Raylan! Speak up. I know you got something smart you want to say about that. I know you do. No? Yeah. I understand, Raylan. It's not quite the same when you don't have a gun to my head, is it? Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter... Raylan: [ Grunts ] Dickie: Oh! [ Laughs ] Oh, no, no! My heavens. Strike two! But you know what? This? This ain't no three-strikes game, Raylan. No. [ Laughs ] No. I get as many swings as it takes. Hey! Batter, batter -- Boyd: Raylan, I don't know whether to shoot him now or let him have a couple of more swings, then kill him. Raylan: I vote for the first one. Boyd: Dickie, take both them guns out of your belt and put them on the ground right now. Right now! Raylan: I'd be much obliged if you'd cut me down. Boyd: Cut him down. Now, God damn it. Now, Raylan, you said whatever needed doing with Dickie... You were gonna take care of. Raylan: Yeah. I'm sorry, Boyd. [ Grunts ] Boyd: Your decision has caused me great pain. Raylan: It's complicated. Boyd: No, it ain't. I'm gonna ask you to leave now, Raylan. Dickie: Oh, ho, ho. Ho! Raylan. Hey. You can't just leave me. I know you ain't just gonna leave me here, Raylan. Dickie, I didn't pull the trigger, but I'll sleep like a baby knowing he will. And my gun? Where I'm going, I'm gonna need it. Dickie: Raylan. Raylan, hey. Wait, Raylan. Please. Wait, Raylan! Come on. Listen to me. You ain't getting to Loretta without me, and you know it. Ain't no way you're getting past Doyle and his gun thugs, man! Come on! You need me, Raylan! Raylan: Boyd? Boyd: He shot Ava. Raylan: How bad? Boyd: Raylan, that's not the point. Raylan: I'm gonna need him for a little bit. Boyd: What, are you asking me... Or are you telling me? Raylan: Makes you feel better, you can tell people I asked. Loretta: Hey. Hey yourself. You lost? Loretta: Come to see Mags. You gonna let me by or what? Don't believe I am. How about you turn your narrow ass around, head back down that hill before you get hurt? Doyle: Mama. Cal! Let her through. Mags: Loretta. Loretta: Miss Mags. Mags: Sweet lord. What brought you back here? Loretta: I come to see you. Mags: Well, we better get you inside. Bad things are fixing to happen. Come with me. [ Sighs ] You come at a difficult time, Loretta. I can't paint any different picture of it. But I'm glad you came, nonetheless. You thirsty, darlin'? Loretta: No, ma'am. Didn't come for refreshments. Mags: You came to talk about your daddy? Doyle: Hey. Mags: Some day, when you got tads of your own, you'll understand, Loretta. You do what you must to protect them, even when you know it's wrong. And what Coover did to your daddy -- that was wrong. Oh, honey. What have they been telling you? Raylan: Doyle... I need you and your boys to put your guns down. Doyle: And why would we do that? Raylan: Maybe you don't want to see your brother's brains fly through the air. Is she here? Doyle: Who? Raylan: Loretta. Doyle: Maybe she is. Maybe she ain't. Maybe you can kiss my ass. Raylan: Doyle, the girl's got a gun. Doyle: Yeah. Who doesn't? Mags: Sugar... you think this is the first time I had a pistol pointed at me? And by some steadier hands than yours, I reckon. Might have held one or two myself. So I know how it feels. So heavy in your hands, they start to shaking. Then you realize... You're not gonna pull the trigger. And when you do, it's like a relief. [ Gunshot ] Ohh! Dickie: Don't shoot! Doyle: Oh! Guys! Cease fire! Knuckleheads. You all right? Dickie: You shot at me! [ Gun cocks ] Doyle: This bullet's been on its way for 20 years. [ Gunshot ] Dickie: No! Art: [ Over bullhorn ] Drop your weapons and get on the ground! [ Sirens wailing ] Drop your weapons, or you will be shot. Assume the position! Now! Hands up! Hands up! Art: Do you dumb-ass peckerwoods understand English? On the ground, hillbillies, now! Raylan, you okay? Raylan: I've been better. It's good to see you, Art. I got at least two inside, one being Loretta McCready. Art: Tim, Rachel, go with him. Secure the house. Raylan: Loretta? Whoa. Whoa, whoa. Loretta: Sit down. Raylan: How about I just lean against this doorjamb for a little bit? Loretta: You okay? Raylan: Yeah, just took a bullet in the -- in the exchange outside. How about you tell me what's going on in here? Loretta: I'm tired of people telling me as much truth as they see fit. I want to know who really killed my daddy. Mags: It breaks my heart seeing you hold that gun. I wanted to keep you away from this life. I wanted to let you be a child a little longer. Wasn't Coover who did it. It was me. Loretta: [ Voice breaking ] Because he called the police about the pervert? Mags: That's right. But I tried to make it up to you by giving you a better life here. Loretta: I had a life! Me and my daddy were just fine! Mags: No, you weren't. Loretta: Shut up! Raylan: Okay, Loretta. You got the answer you were looking for. Now put down the gun down. Loretta: I got to do this. Raylan: No. You don't. Mags: You know, the marshal and me, we -- we made our choices. Now we're paying for them, but you still got a chance. Loretta: What wouldn't you say right now to keep me from shooting you? Raylan: She's right. Loretta, look here, huh? She's right. You pull that trigger, your life is gonna change. And not for the better. Now, I want you to ask yourself what your daddy would want you to do. Loretta: I want him here to tell me. Raylan: Killing Mags ain't gonna bring him back. Come on, now. Rachel? Mags: [ Sighs ] Raylan: Tim, give me a minute. Mags: You got something to say? Raylan: Doyle's dead. Mags: Doyle? Raylan: Mm-hmm. Mags: What about Dickie? Raylan: He's in custody. Thought you'd like to know. Mags: I appreciate it. You like a drink? Raylan: Apple pie? Mags: [ Sighs ] Ease the pain. Raylan: Yeah. Mags: [ Grunts ] Raylan: [ Grunts ] Mags: [ Grunts ] Raylan: It's good as I remembered. Mags: Figure we should end this feud now the way it should have ended a long time ago. Raylan: I guess. Mags? What did you do? Mags: Same thing I did to Loretta's daddy. It's too late. It was already in the glass, not in the jar. [ Groans ] This is the hard part. [ Breathing heavily ] Put an end to my troubles. Get to see my boys again. Get to know the mystery.	Plan: A: war; Q: What do the Crowder and Bennett clans go to over control of Harlan? A: Winona; Q: Who tells Raylan that she's pregnant? A: Raylan; Q: Who is the man who believes Loretta is trying to avenge her father? A: Loretta; Q: Who goes missing? A: Boyd; Q: Who had all the Bennett hired guns killed? A: Mags; Q: Who poisons herself in the same way Loretta's father was poisoned? A: a meeting; Q: What do Boyd and Mags call to settle the tension? A: Johnny Crowder's home; Q: Where did Mags set up an ambush? A: the two assassins; Q: Who does Johnny Crowder kill when he blows up his house? A: the chest; Q: Where did Dickie shoot Ava Crowder? A: a tree; Q: Where is Raylan hung from? A: a bat; Q: What weapon does Dickie use to kill Raylan? A: the limp Raylan; Q: What did Dickie want to get back at Raylan for? A: Dickie's brother's workers; Q: Who did Boyd enlist as an inside informant of the Bennett clan? A: Loretta confronts Mags; Q: Who did Loretta confront about the death of her father? A: the leg; Q: Where does Loretta shoot Mags? A: the Bennett forces; Q: Who shot Raylan in the stomach? A: Doyle; Q: Who was about to shoot Raylan when he was shot in the head by Marshals? A: Art; Q: Who brought Marshals to save Raylan? A: police custody; Q: Where is Dickie taken after he kills Ava? A: her spiced moonshine; Q: What does Mags drink to poison herself? A: The feud; Q: What is settled with a handshake as Mags dies? Summary: The Crowder and the Bennett clans go to war over control of Harlan. Winona tells Raylan that she's pregnant. Loretta goes missing and Raylan goes after her, suspecting that she's trying to avenge her father. Boyd and Mags call a meeting to settle the tension but Mags sets up an ambush on Johnny Crowder's home and Ava Crowder's home. Johnny blows up his house, killing the two assassins. Boyd, aware of the ambush, has all the Bennett hired guns killed except Dickie, who shoots Ava in the chest before escaping. Raylan's caught by Dickie and hung from a tree as Dickie hits him with a bat in revenge for the limp Raylan gave him. Boyd shows up as he knew where Dickie was as Boyd had previously enlisted one of Dickie's brother's workers as an inside informant of the Bennett clan. Boyd is about to kill Dickie, but Dickie persuades Raylan and Boyd that they need him alive to save Loretta, who is on her way to Mags. Raylan and Dickie drive to the Bennett home, where Loretta confronts Mags about the death of her father. When Loretta shoots Mags in the leg, the Bennett forces shoot Raylan in the stomach. Just as Doyle's about to shoot Raylan, Doyle is shot in the head by Marshals, whom Art had brought to save Raylan. Dickie is taken into police custody. Raylan confronts Loretta, who gets Mags to confess to murdering her father. Raylan and Mags share a drink of her spiced moonshine, with Mags poisoning herself the same way she killed Loretta's father. The feud's settled with a handshake as she dies.
Pam: [surveying an untidy office] The building's custodian is on vacation for the month and Dwight is too cheap to hire a replacement. So, instead, we're living in filth. But, not for long. Because I have created the chore wheel. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [viewing the chore wheel for the first time] Oh, yeah! Can I spin first? Pam: Well, it doesn't spin. We'll just move the wheel one notch each morning and... you see what chore you get that day. Kevin: A wheel is supposed to spin. Erin: Yeah, you know, like [motions arm in circles] guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh... guh. Pam: No, I'm familiar with spinning. It's just that wouldn't work with a chore wheel because people might get the same chore- Andy: [interrupting] Bugh, boring. All she talks about is chores. Creed: A wheel wants to spin, Pam. Jim: [reluctantly] Spinning would be more fun. Pam: [frustrated] 'Kay. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [spinning a new 'chore wheel' while everyone claps] Okay, that's what I'm talking about! Big money, big money! [wheel stops on 'mug duty', disappointed] Mug duty? Pam: Yes, you clean all the mugs in the sink. Kevin: This sucks. Erin: Yeah, seriously, it's like everything on there is work. Pam: I don't think you guys understand why we're doing this. It's- Kevin: Yeah, I don't think that you understand wheels. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I've been through several rounds of development with the team and here's where we stand with the chore wheel. [introducing a third 'chore wheel', excited] We've got prizes! Ten bucks, candy bar, manager for an hour but, there are also penalties. Like, no internet, Stanley gets your lunch. The one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores. But they were right; it's more fun this way. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [everyone cheers as Meredith spins and lands on 'tiny wheel'] The tiny wheel actually does have chores. It's so cute no one seems to mind. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [referencing the 'tiny wheel'] Toilets! [everyone cheers as Meredith accepts her chore] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [at the Halpert residence as Cece twirls in the front yard, exiting front door] Pam, we gotta go. Cece, go back inside. Grandma's got breakfast, OK? [to camera] We are going to Roy's wedding. Yep, Roy. I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiancé's wedding on a weekday at eight AM is that it's your wife's ex-fiancé. Pam: [exiting house] Thanks, mom! Jim: [to Pam] A banana? Pam: Yeah. I'm afraid he's only gonna have hot dogs. Jim: Oh, come on. Not even Roy will have hot dogs at his wedding. Pam: Planned a wedding with him. He wanted hot dogs. Jim: [to camera] Just... so weird. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [as Pete and Clark enter office] Oh, Pete, you've got mail. Pete: Really? I got something? Erin: Well, it's addressed to Customer Service so, it's your mail. Clark: Well, you know, I'm also Customer Service. Erin: Yeah, I'm alternating. [gestures both men] Pete: [sarcastically] Yay, another person yelling at me. Erin: Well, it could be a nice letter. I write nice letters to companies all the time. Pete: That's really nice. Clark: [looking down at Erin's desk] Wow, Newsweek, huh? This election... thing is crazy, right? Pete: [referring to the letter] It's open. Erin: Oh yeah, I accidentally read it. It's not a nice letter. Pete: [whispering] OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: [distributing paperwork to the office] Get excited. The special projects fairy has arrived. Creed: I know you don't really exist. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: Today, I launch my big charity initiative 'Operation Give Back'. Andy has shot down all of my special projects thus far but, this one is about charity. So, I'd like to see him piss on that one. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: [at Roy's wedding] Darryl! Ha-ha! What's happening? Darryl: Congratulations, baby! Roy: Ah, thank you! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Jim and Pam approaching the wedding venue] Is this his house? Pam: Think so. Server: [approaching Jim and Pam] Mimosa? Pam: [taking glass] Thank you. Server: Would you like me to take your peel? Pam: [embarrassed] Yes, thank you. [finishes banana and hands server the peel] Jim: OK. Pam: [as Jim receives and declines a call] Who's that? Jim: Uh, my ex-fiancé. Pam: [sarcastically] Ha-ha. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I started a new business with my college friend. But, Pam doesn't know. Um... actually I did tell Pam and we decided 'no'. But, then I decided 'yes' anyway. So, I'm thinking there's another conversation coming. And, it's hard to know when that will be. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: With Operation Give Back, you pick the charities Dunder-Mifflin supports. Kevin: [grinning] Oh boy! What's happening? Nellie: There's four thousand dollars to give away. So, who has filled out their form? Stanley? Stanley: American Diabetes Association. Angela: Um, you have diabetes, Stanley. [to Nellie] I'm sorry, is the assignment to pick a selfish charity? Toby: I w-, uh, I would love to give uh- Kevin: [excited] Heifer's International. Listen to this. They give a poor person like, a goat or something. It's a great prank. Creed: I wanna work with, uh, Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes. Nellie: Dwight, what about you? Dwight: I will not be participating as there is no evidence that charity works. Andy: Uh, correction, I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Changes lives. Nellie: Thank you, Andy. Andy: I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling. Nellie: Dwight, you will be participating. Dwight: No thank you. Nellie: Participation is mandatory; Dwight, but you can choose whatever cause you like. Dwight: Fine, I chose the Global Relief Foundation. Nellie: Great, thank you. Dwight: Which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban. Nellie: [everyone groans] Oh, for goodness' sake, Dwight. Dwight: Yeah. The Taliban in Afa-ghanistan. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: The Taliban is the worst. Great heroine, though. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: Dwight, I cannot have the Taliban on the roster of Operation Give Back. Dwight: Well, it looks like there won't be any Operation Give Back. Ha, ha. The nanny state is over, ladies and gentlemen. You're welcome. [wads up Nellie's charity sheet and tosses it toward her] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [approaches Roy back at the wedding] There he is. Is it almost time to cut the pancake, or what? Roy: Aw, yeah, god, we appreciate everyone coming so early. It's, everyone's just been so nice. Jim: Thanks for inviting us, by the way- Roy: Are you kidding? Jim: That was, that was a surprise. Roy: Come on. If it wasn't for you, I never would've met Laura. I mean, seriously, kinda dodged a bullet on that one. [sees Jim's reaction] Just kidding. Jim: You're welcome. Roy: Thanks...aw. Jim: By the way, man, this place is... beautiful. Roy: Started a gravel company. I mean, who knew it'd take off? Jim: Gravel company? Roy: Yeah. What about you? What are you doing? Jim: Not gravel, obviously. [both chuckle] No, things are good. Things are good. Got some stuff in the works. So- Roy: Oh, cool. Jim: Yeah, you never know. Kenny: Hey bro, stop wasting time with this haircut. [referring to Jim] He's got a fifty-thousand dollar sports car. Cheers. Jim: OK, Kenny. [SCENE_BREAK] Clark: [talking on phone] Duncan, listen, I would love to help you out but where am I gonna find somebody that's pretty, smart and well-informed? Huh? Hold on, hold on. [covers phone's receiver] Erin, do you know anybody that might want... [has realization] Oh my gosh. You love the news, right? Erin: Well, it depends. I mean, sometimes I find out things that are really sad. Clark: Well, I got a buddy that's a big time local news producer and I can't tell you his name, but it'd blow your mind. Pete: Uh, is it Duncan? Clark: He's looking for on-air talent and he'd kill me if I didn't get you on tape. Erin: You mean, put me on the news? Clark: You'll just come over, put on little lipstick, loosen up with a glass of red wine and then we'll just run through a few stories. You know, a couple different ways, with a couple different outfits. It'd be really tasteful and it'd really help me out with Duncan... with my friend. [Erin considers] What do you say? Huh? Erin: Maybe, ok? Let me think about it. Clark: [Pete looks on disappointed] Ok. Erin: Whoo! Clark: Think it over. [punches Pete] [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: No, Clark's not my friend. He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. My friends are Scott, Glenn, and Rob. But, you don't know them. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist. But, why? Because I happened to answer help wanted ad to be a receptionist? I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO? Or for a brain surgeon? [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: So, ah, it was a year ago today that I met Laura. I thought she was my waitress and, uh, took her three weeks to tell me that she actually owned the place. You are full of surprises. You are my beautiful mystery girl. And, today, I have a surprise for you. [approaches piano] Jim: He plays piano? Pam: No. Roy? No. Roy: You know how I said I was taking boxing lessons? Actually, I was doing this. Um, so, I hope that you like it. [sits in front of piano] Darryl: [clapping] You got this, Roy. [Roy begins playing and singing She's Got a Way by Billy Joel, Pam and Jim looked shocked, Phyllis and Bob begin making out] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [in the car] We still surprise each other. Jim: Definitely. Pam: You know, I never did it, but for your 30th birthday I really wanted to surprise you with- Jim: Courtside seats. Sixers. Pam: Yes. But, what I didn't tell you is that I actually bought the tickets. We only didn't go because it was- Jim: It was an away game. Pam: In Phoenix. They should really tell you that more specifically. I mean, every game is an away game for one of the teams. [long pause] Do we know everything about each other? Jim: No. Pam: Tell me one thing about you I don't know. Jim: [laughs] Um, ok. [thinks but says nothing] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [in the kitchen] Oh, here's one. Did I ever tell you about the time that my brothers videotaped the lottery announcement? And bought the winning numbers the next day? And then, played the tape for me the next week, and I- Pam: And you thought you guys were millionaires. Jim: You heard that one. Pam: Yes. But there's, wait, oh, there's a funny ending to that story. I can't remember. Jim: That I thought we were millionaires. Pam: Thought you were millionaires, yeah. That's funny. Shoot, I knew that one. Jim: That's all right. Angela: The senator and I still have mystery. I'm always waiting to see what he's gonna surprise me with next. [Oscar chokes on his coffee] Jim: You all right? [Oscar nods] [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: You support the Taliban abroad. So I assume you're willing to live by their rules here. Dwight: Anything else would be inconsistent. Nellie: Will you join me then in a pledge to live by Taliban law in this office? [offers Dwight a contract] Dwight: [takes contract] Absolutely, I will. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I feared Nellie had some sort of a plan but she used a ridiculous font. Huh. [in a fake English accent] You don't have a plan. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: When you use a ridiculous font, no one thinks you have a plan. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: [holds up pen as Dwight searches his desk] Looking for this? Dwight: What the? [follows Nellie into the break room] Nellie: Oh, this is a lovely pen. Ah. But, it's mine now because I stole it. Dwight: [taking pen back] Gimme that. Nellie: Didn't you sign a contract to live under Taliban law? And now, there's been theft. That means, you're not serious or... someone's getting their hand cut off. Dwight: You're insane. Nellie: I know. So, it's better that you pick another charity. Dwight: Oh, and let your precious Operation Power Grab proceed unchecked? No thank you. Nellie: In that case, you... [pulls out a cleaver] will have to chop off my hand. Dwight: [considers then takes cleaver] This cleaver appears to need sharpening. I suggest you spend some quality time together just you and your hand. Tie a shoe, toss a salad. Do any of the two hand activities that you'll miss the most. Nellie: I tell you what. I need to make three calls. And then after that, you can become a person who chops off people's hands. Dwight: Sounds like a plan. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [in his office] Clark wants to film you in different outfits inside his apartment? Erin: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [entering annex] Clark, you and I need to have a little chat. What clothes does Erin need for this news audition? Clark: Uh... couple of button-downs, a camisole, a blazer, a pencil skirt, stilettos, maybe, no, no, not maybe, definitely open-toed. Uh, something low-cut because the camera makes everything seem higher cut. Andy: Really? Clark: Yeah, industry secret. You're gonna want some of those panty hose with the seam up the back. Pete: Seems unnecessary for an audition. Clark: And then, you know, maybe just a robe to wear in between takes but I probably got one she can borrow at my place, so- Andy: Thank god someone here knows what their talking about. I want you to take this credit card, take Erin to the mall and get that stuff. Clark: I absolutely will do that. Andy: Awesome. [to Pete] Plop! Clark: Pff. Guess I'll just head over to the mall then. Buy Erin some sexy, fun outfits. [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: That Clark, huh? Errr [punches palm] Ca! [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: [in kitchen with several people around] Next question for our oldie-weds- Kevin: What's the craziest place you've ever made whoopie? Angela: [to Kevin] Language. Phyllis: Who was Pam's first celebrity crush? Oscar: Pam's first celebrity crush. Toby: [whispering] John Stamos. Jim: Ready? Pam: Uh-huh. Jim: [as he and Pam flip their cards] John Stamos. Angela: Oh! Pam: Yes. But John Stamos was temporary. I quickly moved on to- Toby: Johnny Depp. Pam: Johnny Depp. [everyone looks confused toward Toby] Toby: [after awkward pause] Sh, uh, um, I was having this separate conversation with Kevin. Uh, Johnny Depp. Kevin: Totally. George Clooney. Toby: Uh-huh. Angela: OK, I have one. I have one. [Jim's phone rings and he motions he's taking the call elsewhere] Kevin: [while Angela tries asking a question] What is the craziest place you've ever made whoopie? Angela: [as Pam wonders about Jim] Kevin, stop it with that question. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [in the stairwell on his phone] Right. And did you show them the market? Yeah. And what'd they say? That's awesome! That, oh my god! Wow! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: It's not even real yet. And I'm not gonna tell her 'til it's real. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I think maybe there actually is something I don't know about Jim. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Everyone, we have a voluntary meeting in the conference room to discuss Erin's confidence. Andy: Her body. We're gonna talk about her body. [to Darryl] Good. Great job. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Andy made me his consigliere. Which means Assistant Regional Manager. I guess he thought I'd be into The Godfather 'cause I'm black. Wrong! I'm into The Godfather 'cause I'm a cinephile. I like Scarface 'cause I'm black. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [to a full conference room] Erin has an audition to be a newscaster. [general acknowledgement] Andy: Uh-huh. And I want her to feel very comfortable in her very sexy skin. So, everybody say something that you like about her body. All right? Darryl. Darryl: OK, um, I like Erin's hair. It's a very pretty color. Andy: Yeah, right? Jim: I'm sorry. This is for a news audition? Andy: Yeah. Oscar: Then why are we talking about her looks? Why not her credibility? Or her reliability? Andy: News flash everyone. The human race finds attractive people more trustworthy. Oscar: I'm so sorry, Andy, but for twenty years, the most trusted man in America - Walter Cronkite. Meredith: Cronkite was hot. If I could go back in time, I'd take that mustache ride. Oscar: Does Erin have any experience? Has she taken any journalism classes, maybe? Or... Angela: Has she done the pageant circuit? Erin: No, I watch the news. Andy: She's gonna be amazing. Look at her. She's gonna light up the screen. Erin: This is a first for me. And, I don't get a lot of chances, so I have to take them really seriously. I will do whatever it takes to get the job. Clark: [whispering to Pete] Whatever it takes. Pete: [whispering] Yeah, I know, I heard. I heard. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [places Nellie's hand on a board and holds up cleaver] This is it. Any questions? Nellie: Is it gonna be long? Dwight: No. It's gonna be over before you know it. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [pretending to read news] Afghan president Hamid Karzai declared a new policy of dollar days throughout the country. Promising low, low prices on all 2012 Kia Sentras and Sonatas. Aren't you glad you waited? Karzai commented. Darryl: Um, where did you get that story? Erin: A little bit here, a little bit there. I bet you didn't think I knew current events. Andy: I love it. It's fantastic. Now, tag it with your name. Erin: For Channel 11 news, I'm Erin Hannon. Andy: Pause after 'news'. Erin: For Channel 11 news... I'm Erin Hannon. Andy: No, pause longer. Darryl: That was a good one. Andy: Pause, pause longer. OK? Builds suspense. Don't be shy. Erin: Got it. For Channel 11 news... [very long pause] Andy: Wha, it's- Erin: I'm Erin Hannon. Andy: OK. All right. Great. Some great stuff in there. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [as Pam stares at him] I can feel you looking at me. Pam: OK. Well, here's something you don't know. A couple of weeks ago- Jim: Uh-huh. Pam: I ran into this guy from my high school who has just gotten divorced and he hit on me. In the mall. And I didn't tell you because, I don't know, I felt embarrassed. And, I didn't know if you would be mad or worried. But, anyway, I thought you'd want to know. Jim: [after a pause] That didn't happen. You would've told me right away. Pam: Yeah, I would've. What about you? Come on, there's gotta be something. Between your birth and the last two days, something you just haven't had the chance to tell me. Jim: Uh... [looks at Pam] Pam: [looks knowingly back] Just tell me. Jim: God, give it up, Beesley. You know me too well. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Heh! Ha! [making various sounds and movements while preparing to severe Nellie's hand] [Darryl enters, sees what's happening, and quietly exits] [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: Hey, um, I knew something bothered me and I finally figured it out. What news producers are gonna want to see is how Erin relates to the other people on the news team. Erin: Oh. Pete: The weird thing is Erin is doing the audition alone. Erin: Oh god. Pete: Now, I'd say Clark could be your co-host... he's already doing camera. Erin: Tuh. Pete: Someone who's already got rapport with Erin, maybe. I don't know. [Andy smiles at camera] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Ha! [raises cleaver] This is for real this time. Darryl: It's getting late. I thought you guys could use a little [sets up laptop] inspiration. Nellie: [Darryl hits play] Oh, a movie. What is this? Darryl: 127 hours. It's about this guy who- Dwight: No, no. No spoilers. Please. Darryl: My bad. Dwight: No. Darryl: Goodnight. [SCENE_BREAK] Clark: [answers his door to find Erin, Andy and Pete] Hey! Everybody. Andy: Yeah. Clark: Come in. Andy: All right! Clark: Come on in. Andy: Nice. Clark: [to Pete] What're you doing here? Pete: Sorry, man. Andy though Erin needed a co-anchor. I'm his makeup guy. My hands are tied. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [news anchor audition] The victim was released from the hospital with second-degree burns. Andy: [also as anchor] Wow. You know what they say Erin. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Erin: Well, he tried to but the fire door was blocked. Andy: He sure did. Clark: All right. We got that. That's a rap, everybody. Erin: Aw! Andy: Just, you sure Clark? Clark: Yep, she's done. Andy: No, I just, I don't mean Erin. I mean for me. I didn't feel good about that. Clark: No, we got it. We got it. Erin: Great! Let's get some food. I'm starving. Andy: I don't think we did get it. I could do, uh, a couple more takes. We could do it in close-up. That might even be better for editing. Clark: OK, I don't. Andy: All right. Erin: I'm hungry. Andy: Uh, Pete, you wanna take Erin to get a burger or something? Pete: Yeah, whatever you say, boss. Andy: OK. [to Erin] I'll call you later. Erin: OK. Andy: [to Clark] So this is a single. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Hey, even if this doesn't work out for me, I'm just glad I had the guts to do it. And, maybe it'll work out for Andy. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [as he and Nellie watch the movie] Oh god. Nellie: That is absolutely revolting! Dwight: Yeah. Nellie: He is so good, though. Dwight: Yes. Nellie: The way he just cuts off his arm. Dwight: If you like James Franco, we really should watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Nellie: Well, he's a genius, you know? He was in graduate programs at Yale, Columbia and NYU all at the same time. Dwight: Whoopty doo. That doesn't make you a genius. Nellie: Well, it doesn't make you stupid. Dwight: Yeah, it does, actually. It makes you real stupid. Nellie: Stupid like you. Dwight: No, like you. Nellie: Like you. Dwight: You're the stupid one. Nellie: You're the stupid one. Dwight: You're the stupid one. Nellie: You're the stupid one. Dwight: You, you, you, you...	Plan: A: ( Jenna Fischer; Q: Who plays Pam Halpert? A: Pam's former fiancé Roy Anderson 's ( David Denman ) wedding; Q: What event do Jim and Pam Halpert attend? A: A toast; Q: What does Roy give that leads Pam and Jim to search for buried secrets? A: their relationships; Q: What do Pam and Jim search for buried secrets in? A: Nellie's mandatory charity initiative; Q: What does Dwight react to by stating that he will donate the money he raises to the Taliban? A: Clark; Q: Who tries to get a fake newscaster job for Erin Hannon? A: ( Ellie Kemper; Q: Who is Erin Hannon? A: Andy; Q: Who takes the bait when Clark tries to get Erin Hannon to work for him? Summary: Jim and Pam Halpert ( Jenna Fischer ) are invited to Pam's former fiancé Roy Anderson 's ( David Denman ) wedding. A toast that Roy gives leads Pam and Jim to search their relationships for buried secrets. Meanwhile, Dwight reacts to Nellie's mandatory charity initiative by maintaining that he will donate the money he raises to the Taliban , and Clark hits on Erin Hannon ( Ellie Kemper ) by dangling a fake newscaster job, but Andy takes the bait.
[Scene: Sacred Garden, one year ago. A staff levitates high inside a purple force field while six Chinese men, the Zodiacs, keep the shield up. Some demons throw fireballs at the force field, and it does nothing. The lead demon steps out.] Lead Demon: Enough! Stop! (The force field falls. Dog steps forward.) Rooster: Each year you try, each year you fail. Wresting the staff from sacred hands is the goal of a fool, Novak. Dog: And we will always protect the eternal cycle. You should know that by now. 'Novak:' Expect to do that you have to be lucky every year. To get it, I only have to be lucky once. (Novak throws a fireball, hitting the banner in the back. He and the demons shimmer out.) [Scene: Manor, attic, present day. Piper is making a potion. Phoebe walks in carrying something.] 'Phoebe:' Or did I give this to you? I can't remember. (Piper picks up a book.) Hello...earth to Piper. (Piper sees her holding her TIVO.) Piper: Hey, that's my TIVO. You can't take that. Phoebe: I'm not...taking. I'm asking. And are you sure it's yours, because it has all my season passes on it. Piper: Whatever. Just take it. I don't have time to watch anything anyway except for SpongeBob. (She puts the book down and picks up another. Phoebe puts the TIVO down on the table.) Phoebe: Where are my beautiful nephews anyway? Piper: Dad is taking them to Marine Land. Phoebe: Really? Oh, that's great. Cool. Piper: No, it's not. I should be taking them to Marine Land. You know, their mother. Phoebe: Well, why aren't you? (Piper sighs.) Piper: Because I have to defrost my husband somehow. Phoebe: Right. Any leads? Piper: No, but I'm hoping to find some by magically divining for them, but it's not working. Phoebe: Well, what is it supposed to do? Piper: It's supposed to give me some sort of sign, pick up some magical chatter about what we're up against. Phoebe: Sounds like a stretch. Piper: Well, you know, you work with what you got. Phoebe: You know, maybe if you took a little break. Piper: No, I don't need a break. I need to find out who we're up against so we're prepared. Phoebe: Okay. Then I should help you. Piper: No, no, no. I don't want to drag you back into this. I want you to go to your new place and enjoy it and enjoy your new life. Phoebe: Yeah, but, Piper, I'm not... Piper: No buts! I have the same speech to Paige. This is not your burden to bear. It's mine. Phoebe: Yeah, but you can't do it by yourself. Piper: No. You're right, I can't. And when the battle to end all battles happens, I will call you. Now, this goes in your car. (Piper gives Phoebe the TIVO. She leaves. Phoebe follows.) Phoebe: Piper, wait! (There's a small explosion at the cauldron. A Chinese character is in the center.) Opening Credits [Scene: Phoebe's Loft. Phoebe hangs something on the bedroom wall. She admires it when the doorbell rings. She heads toward the door.] Phoebe: Coming! (She opens it to find Billie holding a potted plant.) Hi! 'Billie:' Housewarming gift! (Phoebe takes the plant.) Phoebe: Oh, Billie, you're such a sweetie. Billie: Oh, look at you. Styling in the city. Can you believe it? Phoebe: Actually, I can't. (She closes the door.) It's so amazing. I keep knocking on the bathroom door just out of habit. (Billie sits on the couch. Phoebe puts the plant on the coffee table.) Billie: Yeah, but you must love it. Phoebe: I haven't been in here long enough to love it, but I will. Even though I'll miss my sisters...and my nephews. Billie: Yeah, but not the demons. Phoebe: They'll find me here. Trust me. Speaking of which, how's the search going? Billie: Ah, it's not really going. I had a little bit of a brain freeze, so I just wanted to let it go for a bit. Do you want to go to the movies? Phoebe: I would love to, but I need to stay here, settle in, unpack, maybe meet the neighbors. (She picks up and hugs a throw pillow.) Just get used to being alone. Billie: Yeah, I know what you mean. (She doesn't move.) Phoebe: Okay. Hey, do you know anything about magically divining? Billie: Are you kidding? Tons, why? Phoebe: Well, Piper is trying to do it, but hasn't been successful for her and she thinks it's the key to finding Leo. So, I don't know, maybe you could help her? Billie: Oh, yeah, totally. I could help her. Phoebe: Now? Billie: Oh...oh, yeah, okay. (She gets up.) Phoebe: Great. Billie: All right. Phoebe: That's so sweet. She'll really appreciate it. Thanks. Thanks for the plant. Bye. Stop by anytime. (Billie leaves and Phoebe closes the door. Paige orbs in. Phoebe gasps.) Paige, you scared me. 'Paige:' Well, you told me I could stop by anytime. Phoebe: Yeah. I meant like a normal person. You know, knock first. (Paige orbs out. Phoebe groans.) Oh, Paige, don't be like that. (There's a knock on the door. Phoebe opens it to find Paige.) Paige: Is that better? Phoebe: Much. Thank you. (Paige steps in.) Paige: Okay, here's my thing. All right? Uh, I'm just completely freaking out about this whole magic thing. Phoebe: Freaking out how? Paige: I told him, you know, about the whole big secret thing thinking it would bring us closer, and it's kind of pushing us father apart. Phoebe: He's probably just overwhelmed, you know? Paige: Yeah, I'm sure he is. He keeps asking me all these questions, and they're valid questions, you know. Why aren't we using our powers to bring about world peace or end poverty or famine? He's not getting that it's not that easy. Phoebe: Well, just be patient with him. And maybe try not to explain it from a magical perspective. You know, try to use terms that he understands. You know, keep it simple. Paige: Hmm...I think I might do that. Thank you. Can I orb? Phoebe: Yes, please. (Paige orbs out. Phoebe takes a deep breath.) Oh...free at last. (The doorbell rings.) Now what? (She opens it to find a cute guy.) Cute Guy: Hi, uh, I just wanted to RSVP for the housewarming party. (Phoebe smiles.) [Scene: Magic School, Great Hall. Demons carry in a large crypt. They put it down and slide off the top. Inside is Novak.] 'Demon1:' It's time. (Novak opens his eyes and shimmers to a sofa, sitting down and putting his feet up.) 'Novak:' Where am I? 'Demon1:' Magic School. Demons control it now. Much has changed in a year, Novak. 'Novak:' When's the ceremony? (Novak stands up.) 'Demon1:' Tonight. But after decades of trying, this time you'll finally be able to wrest control of the staff from the zodiacs. Novak: I better. I tire of conserving my strength for this one chance every year. Are you tracking Rooster? 'Demon1:' No. Lo Pan. Novak: You're supposed to be following the zodiac before he hands it off. Not some lowly servant. 'Demon1:' But that servant is responsible for where the hand-off occurs. He alone knows the location of the sacred garden. Rooster will be the first to arrive. And when he does, we'll be waiting for him. (Novak smiles.) [Scene: Manor, attic. Billie is making potions by an open Book of Shadows as Piper enters.] Piper: Billie, what are you doing up here? Billie: Oh. Helping you out. Phoebe sent me. You know, I went over to her new place, and she just wanted to be alone, and I was just getting all in there, putting my feet on everything, wanting to hang out, but she sent me here. Piper: Whoa...tangent. Don't you have your own demons to slay? Billie: Yeah, but I'm kind of tired of my obsession, so I thought I would join in on yours. You know, misery loves company. Piper: Mm-hmm. So, what are you doing? Billie: I'm grinding up payatha root. You know, I don't think you used enough. Divinations can be very, very temperamental. You have to use just the right amount if you want to catch any cosmic signals. Piper: You know, you're getting pretty good at this. Billie: Well, I had good teachers. All right. Let's see if you missed any signs. Stand back. (They do. She tosses in something. A cloud of white smoke poofs from it, as there is a second explosion. There's a burning Chinese character inside.) Bingo. [Scene: Dry cleaners. The Chinese symbol is on the window. Piper and Billie look at it.] Piper: Are you sure this is right? Billie: I backtracked the sign all the way to here, but I was thinking more of a Buddhist temple, not some same-day laundry. Piper: Maybe we should just forget it. (Billie takes her arm and pulls her inside.) Billie: No, we were brought here. Come on, Piper. The sign brought us for a reason. Piper: Listen. I'm supposed to be the mature and wise one, so knock it off. (Billie hits the bell on the counter. A Chinese man in the back puts a package down and comes over to them.) 'Chinese Man:' May I help you? You're here for pick-up? Piper: Uh, no. Actually, we were just admiring your sign out front. Chinese Man: Oh, the eternal cycle. It represents the sacred chain of life. Have you seen it before? Piper: That's why we're here. Chinese Man: I see. So, you have an interest in signs? Piper: Yeah. Gemini, Libra, Leo. Chinese Man: Uh, are you sure you don't mean monkey, rooster, or tiger, like your friend here? Billie: Excuse me? Piper: Chinese zodiac, right? Chinese Man: You've answered my call, and not a moment too soon. Piper: Uh, no. I think we've got our wires crossed somehow, 'cuz, I'm just looking to save a husband. Chinese Man: And now you're here to help save us all. (There's a noise from the back.) But you must hurry now or all will be lost. (He goes into the back. Piper and Billie follow him. He stops as another explosion is heard. He then steps into a wall hanging and vanishes.) Billie: Whoa, what was that? Piper: Forget it, Jenkins. It's Chinatown. (She takes Billie's hand and they step into the wall hanging. They follow the Chinese Man and find one of the Zodiacs being attacked by a group of demons. He's hit by an energy ball and falls into the pond. Novak heads for the staff the Zodiac was holding.) Chinese Man: Don't let him get the staff! (Billie telekinetically moves the staff away.) Billie: (to Piper) Your turn. (Piper blasts him. Novak shimmers out with his demons. Chinese Man rushes over to check on the Zodiac. He kneels down, but the Zodiac turns into white light, then vanishes.) Chinese Man: This has never happened before. A zodiac dying. (to Piper) It's now on you to protect the staff. (Piper raises her eyebrows.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Sacred Garden.] Piper: Look, really, Mister, no offense, but I'm just trying to save my husband. Not some stick. (Chinese Man stands up.) Chinese Man: This is not a stick. It is Buddha's mystical staff. And it must be passed to the next zodiac at the New Year or the eternal cycle ends. Billie: All right. Before we hit exposition city here, what's with the laundry on the outside and then, this crazy green place on the inside? Chinese Man: This sacred garden has served for centuries as the sanctuary for the ceremonial passing of the staff. It has been my family's honor to find a place for its existence each and every year. Piper: So, it's just my luck that a demon tries to take it this year? Chinese Man: Not just this year. He's been trying for many years, when it is vulnerable as it is now. That is why I sent out the call for help. And that is why you came. Piper: No, really, seriously, I was looking for something totally different. (He smiles.) Chinese Man: You must be a buffalo. Piper: Excuse me? Billie: I think he's talking about your sign. Piper: Hang on a second. She gets a tiger and I'm some stinking buffalo? (He walks over to the staff, hanging in mid-air.) Chinese Man: If you know the zodiacs, you know we do not choose who we are born to. Each influences us with different gifts to keep the eternal cycle ends. And it won't be the zodiacs who influence, but evil instead. Not a world your husband would want to be saved for, I trust. Piper: All right. What would you like us to do? Chinese Man: Protect the staff until it is passed to the new zodiac. But you must be of clear mind so as not to unduly influence those around you with your personality. (Billie scoffs.) Billie: I'm sorry. I'm just imagining a lot of obsessing. Piper: Uh-huh. That's cute. That's very cute. Chinese Man: You must leave before they come back. Use all of your power to protect it if you have to. Billie: Maybe you should call Paige and Phoebe. Piper: You better believe it. Do you know anything about this demon? Chinese Man: No, but I have a record of his past attacks. Billie: Well, I could look at them, maybe figure something out. Chinese Man: Perhaps you'll find out something about yourself along the way, Billie. Billie: How do you know my name? Chinese Man: This is a magical place, one where questions will have answers. If you're open to it. You'll see. (Piper chuckles.) Piper: So, when does this ceremony begin? Chinese Man: At midnight. (The hourglass has the falling sand.) Piper: Naturally. (She grabs the staff.) [Scene: Magic School, Great Hall.] 'Demon1:' The staff is lost. We have no choice but to wait another year. Novak: We're not waiting. Why should we? Demon1: Because the witches... Novak: Merely delayed the inevitable. After all, progress has been made. Unprecedented progress. A zodiac is dead which means they as a whole are weakened. And the staff is out of sacred hands for the first time ever. Demon1: Still, now they know we're coming. Novak: They always know we're coming. You underestimated Lo Pan. Do not...underestimate me. Demon1: With all due respect, the servant won't keep the staff in the garden now. Not until the hand-off. We'll never find it in time. Novak: We won't have to. The zodiacs will find it for us. We'll let it be know what's happened - what Lo Pan's done. They'll come out of hiding to get their precious staff back. Trust me. Demon1: So, then all we have to do is track them. Novak: See? Progress. [Scene: Manor, conservatory. Paige leads Henry in.] Paige: All right, Henry, I have to say I've been doing some thing. 'Henry:' About what? Paige: Well, here's the deal. I have a plan...you know, for us. Henry: I thought we were doing pretty well. Paige: Yeah, definitely, except for, you know, when the M word kind of comes up. Things start getting a little bit, uh... Henry: Weird. Paige: Yeah, exactly. But everything else is obviously going well. You're even finishing my sentences. But, um... (She sees the kids toys.) Uh! Okay, step into my office. Have a seat. (He points down.) Henry: On this? Paige: Yes. You can fit. I'm pretty sure. (She sits in the child's chair next to him in front of an easel. She takes a pen and flips a sheet of paper.) Henry: Barely. Paige: Okay... stay with me here. You deal with criminals. (She draws a stick figure with a gun.) Okay? Drug dealers, burglars, murderers. (She draws another figure using magic.) Me? I deal with demons. Kazis, creepers, gremlocks. I could go on and on. But the point is, we're very similar. Criminals bad, demons bad. Henry: Is it snack time yet, Miss Matthews? Paige: Henry. Henry: Look, I know what you're trying to say, okay? But, what I don't understand is if you have all these powers, why you don't use them. Paige: I do use them. Henry: No, no, no. Not on demons. I'm talking about hunger. I'm talking about the poor, the homeless. My criminals, my bad guys. Paige: It's really, actually, not that simple. Henry: But why? Who says? I'm not trying to make you feel bad, okay? I don't understand. If there's magic in the world, why you don't use it to just save the world. (His phone rings. He checks the idea and Paige rolls her eyes.) (to Paige) This is the second one. I have to take this. We'll figure it out later. (Henry stands up, kisses her on the forehead and steps away.) Paige: Yeah...that went swimmingly. Henry: Yeah. This is Henry... (Piper enters with the staff.) Piper: Paige, great, you're here. (She sees the drawing. The staff glows behind her back, infusing Paige.) What's this? (Paige stands.) Paige: The answer to my problems. Piper: Well, we have bigger problems, trust me. Buddha's staff-the demons want it, we need the Book. Paige: Sorry. No can do. I have to help Henry. Piper: No, no, no. Hang on a second. Whoa. I thought the words Buddha and demons would give you the hint that I need your help. (Paige shakes her head.) Paige: No, not really. Bye. I have to help Henry now. (She leaves.) Piper: But-but-what... (To staff) What are you looking at? (The front door closes.) [Cut to Sacred Garden. Billie goes through papers. Chinese Man comes over with a tea tray.] Chinese Man: Any luck? Billie: Are you kidding? I can't make sense of any of this stuff. Chinese Man: That's because you're using your eyes and not your powers. Billie: How can telekinesis help me? Chinese Man: I'm talking about your other power. The one you have yet to master. The one you need to master if you truly want answers. Billie: Answers? You mean to help me find the demon? Chinese Man: And to finding your sister. I told you this place was magical. Billie: Yeah, and a little creepy. (He chuckles and sets the tray down.) Chinese Man: We are all led to where we need to be, Billie. And so you have been led here. But before you can help the eternal cycle, you must help yourself. Billie: Okay, so what can you tell me about Christy? Chinese Man: I can tell you nothing. Only Christy can tell you about Christy. And only you have the power to seek those answers. Billie: But I can't even control my projection power. I haven't even used it since I knew I had it. The sisters think it's way too dangerous. Chinese Man: When used out of control, yes. Billie: So? Can you help me control it? (Chinese Man nods and holds out his hand.) Chinese Man: Come. (He helps her up and takes her to a dying tree.) That pejing tree is a simple living creatures within the world surrounding us. And like all things, it follows a cycle. And it's nearing its end. But you have the power to see its cycle at the beginning again. To project what you will upon it. Focus on the tree, Billie. Reach within yourself, to your power. (Billie closes her eyes.) See what you want to see. (The tree becomes young again. He smiles.) Look. (Billie opens her eyes and gasps.) Billie: I did that? Chinese Man: And you can do more than that. You can see your sister. [Scene: Manor. Piper comes downstairs and looks around.] Piper: Hello? (She starts to go back upstairs.) Voice: The staff belongs to us. (Dog, a Zodiac, stands at the foot of the stairs.) Piper: And you would be? Dog: We are the zodiacs. Piper: We? (The other four Zodiacs appear. Piper clears her throat. Dog holds out his hands.) Dog: The staff... for your life. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor, stairs; continue from before.] Dog: The staff. Piper: Okay, look. There's nothing I'd love better than to get rid of this thing, but... (Dog launches himself at her in wind and smoke. Piper steps back and sings the staff like a bat, knocking him to the floor.) Dog: Kill her! (Piper tries blasting them, but they have a force shield up. She stops.) Piper: Yeah, that's ugly. Okay, hang on. (Dog stands up and force shield disintegrates.) There's no need to fight. How would you guys like your staff in pieces? One for each of you? Dog: Maybe we should just...talk about this. Piper: Talk fast. [Scene: Sacred Garden. Billie sits under the pavilion and crosses her legs.] Billie: Can't I just sit in a chair? Chinese Man: Stop resisting. Just relax. Now, what happened the first time you tried to use this new power of yours? Billie: Hmm. Well, I turned my parents into assassins. Chinese Man: Oh... I see. All the more reason to focus completely on what you wish to project this time, what you truly wish to find. Billie: After fifteen years, I want to find my big sister. Chinese Man: That's practical, not emotional. (He moves closer.) That's not how your power works. Think, deep down... what is it that you truly want? Billie: I want to see Christy. I want to know what she's been going through all these years. Chinese Man: All right. Then concentrate on that. (Billie closes her eyes.) Allow the world that surrounds you to disappear. Allow time to be nothing but an idea. Billie: Don't bend the spoon - Imagine there is no spoon? (He clears his throat.) Sorry. Chinese Man: Think of only Christy...of seeing her again...of where she went... (Billie rubs her head.) Of understanding. (She puts her hands down and concentrates.) Let your power take you where you need to go. Now. (Billie appears in a cave cell. There's a door and a small bared window behind her. She opens her eyes and stands up.) Billie: Lo Pan? Where are you? What is going on? (She goes over to the door and sees the signs and characters on it.) Lo Pan! (She hears something behind her.) Who's there? (A figure steps out. It's a dirty girl dressed in rags.) Christy, is that you? (The girl cringes and steps back.) It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. (The girl steps forward.) Unbelievable. [Cut to Manor, conservatory.] Dog: We do not wish to harm you. We thought you had stolen the sacred staff. Piper: Don't you guys talk to each other? Lo Pan? The guy that gave me this to protect. Dog: Lo Pan is just a servant. He only speaks when spoken to. Piper: Well, maybe you should speak to him more often, considering he seems to know more about this than you do. Dog: He should have hidden the sacred garden better from the demons. Piper: Maybe so. But if he hadn't anticipated the attack, I wouldn't be holding this right now, would I? Dog: Point taken. Piper: So, I take it you guys heard about Chicken. (Dog closes his eyes.) Dog: Rooster. And, yes, we sensed it. That's why we were so afraid the staff had been stolen. The moment it was out of his hands we began tracking it... to you. Piper: Okay. Well, would you like it back? (She hands him the staff. He steps back.) Dog: No. It is forbidden until the new year. I am Dog. Next in line for the staff. Piper: Okay, so, can't one of your other zodiacs hold it for you until then? Dog: No. It would upset the eternal cycle, change the balance of all things. Piper: Great. What would you like me to do with it? (Novak enters behind Piper with his demons.) Novak: I'll take it. Piper: Oh, no... you again. Novak: Yep. Me again. (He throws a fireball at them as Dog grabs Piper and turns her. He turns into the wind and vanishes with her. Fireballs are hurled at the other Zodiacs force shield. Dog and Piper appear on the porch as the fight continues inside.) Dog: Go! You must protect the staff! Piper: What about my house? Dog: Only the staff matters. Go! (He goes back inside.) Piper: Paige! [Cut to Golden Gate Bridge. Paige orbs on the top tower with Henry.] Paige: Well, last stop on our orbing world tour, Golden Gate Bridge. Bet, you've never see it from this angle, huh? Henry: Are you nuts? W-w-what are we doing here now? Paige: Well, you have some questions, I'm trying to facilitate some answers. Henry: How? Paige: I told you about the Elders, right? And if I call them down here, they can maybe explain this whole thing a little more in-depth. Henry: Just slow down a little, okay, because my head's still spinning. Paige: I'm just trying to help you understand the whole shebang that goes along with me, right? And I just figured what better way than orb you all around the world, to really see things first-hand. Henry: I don't know what's gotten into you. (Paige's phone rings.) Paige: Oh, hold that thought. (to phone) Hello? (She walks to the tower and leans against it.) Piper: Paige, where are you? I need help. Paige: (to phone) At the moment, Henry needs my help more. [Intercut to Piper. She is driving and on the phone.] Piper: (to phone) Would you forget about Henry for one second. This is bad. Paige: Really? How bad? Piper: Things stop spinning bad. If the demon gets the staff, the eternal cycle ends, something, and the world turns evil. I don't know. (The staff hovers behind her. Piper tries to elbow it down.) Paige: Hmm...world turning evil or my relationship ending? (Henry lingers close to the edge.) That's kind of a tough choice. Piper: Tough choice? What the hell is the matter with you? Paige: Well, nothing is the matter with me. I'm just really focused on Henry. (Henry steps closer to the edge.) Piper: When did you become so obsessive? That is my deal. Paige: I guess it is. But maybe I learned from the best, big sis. (A wind blows and Henry falls off, screaming.) Oh, my goodness! Henry just fell off the bridge. I'm going to have to call you back. (She closes the phone and orbs away.) Piper: (to phone) No, no, no, I need you to meet... (She closes her phone. The staff hovers in the backseat.) Great...that's just...that's great. Great. Don't make me come back there! (The staff's head turns and grins.) [Cut to Paige. She orbs in with Henry, who's shivering.] Paige: You okay? (Henry nods.) Where were we? Such a great view. You should really try enjoying it more. (Henry nods.) [Scene: Phoebe's Loft, living room. Phoebe is having a party. She grabs a bottle and refills some glasses.] Phoebe: Anyone need a refill? (She fills guests' glasses.) You okay? Enjoying yourselves? Okay, good. (A couple of girls are giggling.) Ooh, I hear laughter. That's good. Laughter means happy people. (She refills their glasses.) There you go. (She puts the bottle down and backs away -bumping into a cute guy.) I'm so sorry. Cute Guy: That's all right. It's really nice of you to put this together for everyone. Phoebe: Yeah. I just wanted to meet all my neighbors. I'm so happy to be living here, you have no idea. Really. It's like I'm free. Cute Guy: I can tell. I'm glad you're living here, too. Phoebe: Oh. (The doorbell rings.) Oh, excuse me. (She opens the door. Piper is there.) Hi, Piper. (Piper smiles.) I wasn't expecting you here. (Piper pulls Phoebe into the hallway.) Piper: (to the party) Hey, how you all doing? Be right back. (Behind her back, the staff glows and infuses Phoebe.) Listen, we have a problem, one you'll help with whether you like it or not. Phoebe: Wait, no. Piper, I can't. I have to focus on my party. Piper: Are you kidding me? Listen. I'm tired of babysitting this thing by myself. It is your turn. (Piper holds it out. Phoebe rolls her eyes and takes it. The staff glows and infuses Piper.) Phoebe: What just happened? Piper: What am I doing here? I should be at Marine World with my kids. (Piper begins to leave.) Phoebe: Piper...what would you like me to do with this? (The staff glows again.) Piper: Screw it! I'm free. Partyer: It's party time, everybody! (The music turns up. Phoebe sees that her guests have gone wild. Phoebe smiles and nods.) [Scene: Manor, living room. Paige orbs in to find the house trashed.] Paige: Piper, what the... (Novak and the demons run by, knocking Paige down. They shimmer out. The zodiacs chase them, vanishing in the wind. Paige rubs her neck.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor, living room. Phoebe comes in through the front door, with the staff covered in a cloth.] Phoebe: Uh-oh. (She closes the door.) Paige! (Paige groans.) Paige: Oh, yeah... (Phoebe helps her up.) Phoebe: Honey, are you okay? What happened? Paige: Well, I don't understand. Why don't the demons just move in here since they're here all the time, anyway? Phoebe: Where's Piper? Paige: I don't know. I came here looking for her, and I got knocked down. Phoebe: Did you see what they look like? Paige: Your average tackily dressed demons. There were some other guys with red gown robie things. Phoebe: They must be after the staff. Paige: What staff? Phoebe: No, don't touch it! It's covered for a reason. It has a crazy effect on people. Paige: Maybe that's what was making me so crazy and obsessed with Henry. Phoebe: Well, yeah, but the question is, why aren't you now? (Paige shrugs.) Paige: Maybe it wore off. Maybe those guys knocked it out of me. (Phoebe sighs.) Phoebe: We have to find Piper. (She picks up the phone and begins calling.) [Scene: Underworld, cave cell. Billie and Christy sit on the floor.] Christy: I hear them outside, whispering, but I don't understand what they're saying. I never understand what they're saying. Then they stop for awhile. Sometimes for a long time. But then they start again. I don't know what they want. Billie: It's okay. It's okay. Look, I'm here now, okay? Christy: I still don't understand how. Billie: Yeah, that makes two of us. All I know is I'm supposed to be with you now and try to figure this out so I can get you out of here. (Christy shakes her head.) Christy: No, they won't let us. They won't let us. Billie: Have you tried using your powers? Christy: Powers? What do you mean? Billie: You know, your powers...magic. (Christy shakes her head.) Christy, you're a witch, just like me. You must have some powers. That-wait...Powers. That must be what they want from you. (She finds an amulet on the floor behind Christy.) Where did you get this? Christy: They gave it to me. They all wear it. Billie: The symbol from your diary. (Whispering comes from outside. They get to their feet. Christy clutches Billie's arm.) Christy: It's them! I want to go home! Please take me home. Billie: Lo Pan? (Christy lets go and backs up.) Christy: Hurry, Billie. Billie: Lo Pan! Get us out of here now! (The cave changes back into a garden.) Lo Pan? Lo Pan: I'm right here. Billie: Well, where is she? Where's Christy? She-she was right there. Lo Pan: Where? Billie: Locked away alone in a cave! Why couldn't I save her? Lo Pan: You didn't go there to save her. You went there to see her, to understand. Billie: But I don't understand. I don't understand at all. She was a kid, barely older than when she was taken. Lo Pan: She was vulnerable and open to you. That's why your power took you to that time. Before she changed. Surely you received something from that journey, did you not? Billie: Well, they're after her powers, powers she doesn't even know she has yet. Lo Pan: You can't save her from her past. No one can. But perhaps you can save her now, after you help save us. [Scene: Street. Piper is on the side, fixing her tire. She's on the phone.] Piper: (to phone) No, sweetie, mommy's okay, she just got a flat tire. I'll be there as soon as I can. (Novak appears.) No, no, no, no-wait for me. I want to see the penguins with you. Really, okay. I'll be there in thirty minutes. Novak: I doubt that. (Piper hangs up.) [Scene: Manor, conservatory. Paige walks in as Phoebe hangs up.] Phoebe: Okay, dad said she just called. Paige: So she's all right. Phoebe: Not necessarily. The phone went dead. Paige: Maybe it's just a bad reception? Phoebe: I think we should try the "to call a lost witch" spell. Paige: It won't work unless she's actually lost. She could be just spending time with the boys, which would be a good thing, right? Phoebe: Until the world turns evil. Novak: Which you're about to help me with. (He comes in with Piper and the staff. He pushes her to her sisters, then uncovers the staff and infuses his evil into them.) Now, let's go and do something you'll regret later. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor, attic, conservatory. Continue from before.] Novak: Well, this just might be worth all those years of waiting. The Charmed Ones...under my rule. Imagine the possibilities. Maybe I'll keep you around for awhile, after you complete the task at hand. Phoebe: Kill Dog? Novak: No, no, no-I don't want to destroy one zodiac. I want to destroy them all, so they can never take this away from me again. Paige: What do you want us to do? Novak: Ah, eager to please. I like that. You're going to kill Lo Pan. Piper: Lo Pan? The servant? Novak: He's much more than just that. Though the zodiacs all but dismiss him, he's more important than they give him credit for. In fact, he's the key to continuing the eternal cycle. He protects the sacred garden. Without it, they're nothing. Phoebe: Then what? Novak: Then...the year of evil beings. [Scene: Sacred Garden. The sisters enter.] Phoebe: Where is he? Piper: He should be here. (Billie and Lo Pan step out from behind the rocks.) Billie: Hey, what are you guys doing here? Piper: Looking for him. Billie: Lo Pan? Why? The demons are coming. We have to... Hey, where's the staff? (The sisters get closer.) What are you guys doing? Paige: Making our new year's resolutions. (Lo Pan pushes Billie down as Piper tries to blow them up.) Lo Pan: Get down! (The banner sign blows up. Billie and Lo Pan cover behind a rock.) Phoebe: You missed. Lo Pan: Evil influences them. That means the demon has the staff. Billie: Oh, that's just great. What do we do? Lo Pan: We do nothing. You learned to control your power for this moment. Billie: Are you crazy? I'm not going up against them! Lo Pan: You have to if you want to save your sister. Focus. Project what you wish. (Billie stands up.) Piper: Billie, we don't want to hurt you. Paige: Sure we do. Boulder! (She orbs a rock to Billie, but she sends it back to Paige, missing her.) Phoebe: Kill her. (Billie puts her fingers to her head. There's a glow around the sisters' heads.) Piper: What just happened? What are we doing here? Billie: Oh, no big deal. You guys were just trying to kill me, but I changed your minds. (She and Piper smile.) [Cut to Magic School, Great Hall. Demon1 paces. Novak fingers the head of the staff.] Demon1: I don't like it. We should've killed Lo Pan ourselves. Novak: Too many years of failed attempts have turned you cynical, my friend. You've got to learn to think more positively now that evil's finally taken over the world. Sad, really. Now what do we do? (The staff orbs out. The sisters and Billie enter as the staff orbs into Paige's cloth she's holding.) Paige: Well, I wish I had a pithy retort, but you're really not worth it. Demon1: You were saying? Phoebe: Now. (Paige lifts the staff and they take hold. Billie closes her eyes. The staff glows. The demons are vanquished. They let go of the staff.) (to Paige) Quick, cover it up. (Paige covers it with Piper.) Piper: (to Billie) Uh, do me a favor...and be careful what you wish for, especially around the boys. Billie: Uh, yeah, well, I haven't exactly mastered it anyway, so... Paige: I think that would be her point. Piper: Well, it's almost midnight, so we should get this thing back before it's too late. Paige: Ooh. I really can't. I've got to go apologize to my boyfriend. (She leaves. Phoebe follows.) Phoebe: I have to explain to the neighbors. Billie: Yeah. And I have a sister to scry for. (She shows them the amulet and leaves. Piper smiles and shakes her head.) [Scene: Sacred Garden. Piper enters. Lo Pan is dressed in red robes. He sees Piper and smiles.] Piper: What's going on? What happened to you? Lo Pan: It seems that I have been... elevated. I am now Rooster. The staff, if you please. Piper: Oh, gladly. (She uncovers the staff and hands it to him.) Lo Pan: You received the sign for a reason. And not just to help perpetuate the cycle, but to help the both of us as well. Piper: How exactly was I help? Lo Pan: You've shown that patience can be rewarded for me and for you. Leo will come back only if he's meant to. And only when it's time. Not before. (He and Piper bow. He takes the staff back to the other zodiacs.) [Scene: Golden Gate Bridge. Paige orbs Henry to the top.] Paige: Funny, I figured after last time, this would be the last place you'd want to come back to. Henry: Yeah, I did have to think about it. I mean, not about us, but...The magic. Paige: And? (Henry sighs.) Henry: And after everything that you did today, I mean, not just this, but the whole eternal cycle deal, I get it. Paige: This isn't, um, freaking you out? You're not mad at me? Henry: I was never mad at you. Or freaked out. I was - Well, I got a little freaked out when those wild pygmies were chasing us back then. Paige: That was an accidental orb. Henry: That's okay. It helped me see the bigger picture. You, uh, use your powers to make the world a better place. How could I have a problem with that? I think it's amazing. Paige: You do? Henry: And I think I'm falling in love with you. Paige: I think I'm falling in love with you, too. (He takes her hand.) [Scene: Underworld, cave cell. The door opens and Billie walks in.] Billie: Christy?	Plan: A: the Chinese New Year; Q: On the eve of what holiday does Piper receive a message that will lead her to Leo? A: Piper; Q: Who receives a message that will lead her to Leo? A: Phoebe; Q: Along with Paige, who falls under the spell of a demon? A: Paige; Q: Who does Henry fall in love with? A: a demon; Q: Who is out to kill the guardian of the ancient staff? A: magical powers; Q: What does Paige have that Henry comes to accept? A: Zodiac; Q: What magical powers does the ancient staff hold? A: Billie; Q: Who is tasked with protecting the guardian? A: a way; Q: What does Billie find to save the sisters? A: her sister; Q: Who does Billie get advice on how to find? A: their mutual love; Q: What do Henry and Paige admit to each other? Summary: On the eve of the Chinese New Year, Piper receives a message that will lead her to Leo. However, she, Phoebe, and Paige fall under the spell of a demon out to kill the guardian of an ancient staff that holds magical powers of the Zodiac. As a result, Billie is tasked in protecting the guardian and finding a way to save the sisters, and while there, gets some sage advice in how to find her sister. Later, Henry comes to accept Paige's magical powers and the couple admits their mutual love for one another.
The Gunfighters By Donald Cotton 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1, INT: LAST-CHANCE SALOON (The Doctor, Wyatt and Masterson are standing at the bar. A shroud has been respectfully draped over the still-slumped body of the barman.) DOCTOR: How do you know that the killer was Ringo? MASTERSON: On account of it must have been him or you. I don't figure you killed Charlie the barman. Of course iff'n you wanna convince me different..? DOCTOR: Certainly not my dear Sheriff! WYATT: Now on the other hand, perhaps although the Clantons know he's not Doc Holliday, they did see him shoot a gun out of Seth Harper's hand. DOCTOR: That was nothing to do with me. WYATT: Oh but they think it was, and boy you had 'em lined up against that piana' like skittles in an alley! Why, you're gonna be a useful man to have around when the shootin' starts. DOCTOR: I certainly hope that I should not be here, when Steven and Dodo get back I... WYATT: Oh you're gonna be here alright, Doctor. (Wyatt removes a gold star from his chest and pins it into the Doctor's lapel.) WYATT: Because ah, I'm deputising ya right now! DOCTOR: Well this is utterly absurd! Nothing will ever induce me to raise a gun in anger. WYATT: Well maybe you won't have to. But I mean with just Bat an' me an' Warren against the Clantons - you could sure shorten the odds some. (A lean man with a dark moustache strides through the saloon doors.) VIRGIL: And I'll help shorten them some more! WYATT: Well hallelujah, this is my brother Virgil! VIRGIL: You got a drink for a for a thirsty man? WYATT: Well I'd just about given up on you. VIRGIL: Hiya Bat. MASTERSON: How'd you do there. (Virgil peeks under Charlie's shroud, and sees his corpse still draped over the bar he died on.) WYATT: Oh, ah I'm afraid that the bar's closed Virgil. VIRGIL: Say how'd that happen? WYATT: Oh, got himself shot, hah. (Virgil glances at the Doctor, and the star on his chest.) WYATT: You don't know pop do ya? VIRGIL: Howdy. DOCTOR: Howdy. Er, would you mind not calling me pop? (Wyatt and Virgil walk out together.) WYATT: Well, let's get on back to the office. Come on Bat! (Masterson wanders after them.) WYATT: Er, Warren's over there waiting for us but Morgan can't make it. I'll tell you about it on the way over. (The Doctor watches them leave.) DOCTOR: Hm! Hmm... (Forgetting for a moment he slouches against the bar, but stiffens as he accidental touches the shroud-wrapped cadaver.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2, INT: CLANTON RANCH (The inside of Clanton Ranch looks like a cross between some kind of a fortress and a luxury 19th century villa. Rough walls accommodate paintings and furniture as well as enough guns and rifles to equip a small army. Pa Clanton sits at a long wide table, cleaning his rifle, something which is never far from his hand - even when eating. Ringo slouches against a wall smoking a cigar and Kate and Steven are sat together at the back of the room to one side of a crackling stone fireplace. Suddenly the door to the room is flung open and the three Clanton brothers rush into the room.) IKE: Bill, now we got 'im. BILLY: We got 'im Pa, we got 'im! (Pa glances up casually.) PA: Seen ya coming. Took you long enough. BILLY: And we got us an Earp! RINGO: You done what? IKE: So you finally got here now the work's been done! RINGO: Ain't talkin' to you Ike, talking to Billy! Maybe get around to you later. BILLY: Like I said, we shot down one of the Earp brothers. RINGO: You shot Wyatt Earp? PHINEAS: No his k-k k-k... (Billy and Ike each give Phineas a slap on the back.) BILLY: Kid... IKE: ...Brother... PHINEAS: ...Warren... BILLY: ...Earp! (The Clantons stand grinning as if they were impersonating the three stooges.) PA: Well glory be! Now you really have declared war! (He strikes the floor in disgust with the butt of a rifle.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3, INT: JAILHOUSE (Wyatt and Virgil are cradling the semi-conscious form of Warren between them as Masterson looks on. Virgil raises an enamel cup to the boy's mouth.) BALLAD: It's curtains for Warren, They've gunned the kid down. And them bad, cruel outlaws Are heading for town. On your way then you cowboys, The time will be soon; When there's blood on the sawdust In the Last-Chance Saloon! WARREN: There was two of 'em Wyatt. WYATT: Who, who was it boy? WARREN: Clantons I guess. Comin' real fast...shouldn't've let Phin' rile me...I turned my back a minute... WYATT: Aw no-one's a-blamin' you son. Rest easy. WARREN: Don't let Morgan know they got my gun... (He falls back, unconscious.) VIRGIL: He's gone Wyatt. WYATT: Get him on over to the bench there. VIRGIL: Wyatt it's no use. WYATT: Do like I said! (Wyatt gets to his feet and stares as Masterson and Virgil move Warren to the bench.) MASTERSON: I'll get a warrant for 'em, Wyatt. I'll get 'em you know that. WYATT: You'll get 'em? Virgil... VIRGIL: Yes Wyatt? WYATT: Ride on out to the Clantons and tell 'em we'll be waitin' for 'em come sun up. MASTERSON: Now listen Wyatt, there's a right an' a wrong way of doing this. WYATT: Stay out of this Bat. MASTERSON: This ain't legal Wyatt. Iff'n you uphold the law you don't go startin' a private feud! WYATT: You gonna try'n to stop me? MASTERSON: No Wyatt, but I can't go along with ya. The law says that... WYATT: The law? The law can't bring my kid brother back. Virgil and me's gonna step outside of the law. VIRGIL: I reckon so, and I'll tell 'em. Where'll I say? WYATT: Tell 'em the OK Corral. (Wyatt Earp fills up his six-shooter with bullets.) BALLAD: So the Earps and the Clantons Are aimin' to meet, At the OK Corral Near Calamity Street. It's the OK Corral Boys of gunfighting fame, Where the Earps and the Clantons, They played out the game. They played out the game And we nevermore shall, Hear a story the like Of the OK Corral! [SCENE_BREAK] 4, INT: CLANTON RANCH (At the table, the Clantons are sloppily scrumming down upon tin plates of gluey bean-gumbo and rough hunks of bread.) PHINEAS: Pass the c-c-c-coffee! (Ike passes the can of steaming coffee to Phineas and reaches over for a plate of bread. In one swift movement Pa Clanton brings the butt of his rifle down upon Ike's hand with all his might at the lack of dining etiquette, sending the plate of bread flying.) IKE: Ow! Pa! (Beside the fireplace Steven perches on a stool and Kate gently moves herself back and forth in a rocking chair.) STEVEN: Look I'm going to try to slip away get word to Holliday. KATE: Oh! If the Doc knew I was here he'd blast my head off, thanks! STEVEN: I'm sure he'd understand you were only trying to get Ringo of his trail. KATE: Ain't the way the Doc'd see it. 'Sides, you'd get shot in the back before you gone ten yards. STEVEN: Oh I dunno why they want to keep me here, I'm no use to them. KATE: On account Ringo don't want Wyatt Earp to know he's here 'til he's good and ready. (There is the sound of approaching hoofbeats and everyone jumps up from the table grabbing their guns. They all move to the windows to see who it is.) PA: Now cut it out! We got trouble enough seein' Wyatt Earp already. (He gets to his feet and raises his rifle.) PHINEAS: Oh it ain't Wyatt. IKE: Ain't no-one I seen before. RINGO: I've seen 'im, old acquaintance of mine - Marshall of Dodge City. Name of Virgil Earp. VIRGIL OOV: CLANTON! PA: I hear ya. VIRGIL OOV: Got as message for ya. PA: Well come on up! Ringo you'd better get up on them stairs. We don't wanna show our ace before we're ready to deal. RINGO: Okay. If you want me you'd better shout real loud. (He moves off to conceal himself.) PA: Line up on the door boys. (The Clantons each stand side by side behind the table, ready to draw their guns at a moments notice. Virgil enters the room.) PA: Long way from Dodge City ain't ya Marshall? VIRGIL: Reckon you know why I'm here. Your boys killed my kid brother, Clanton. PA: Well now there's two sides to every... VIRGIL: Ain't here to argue. Just to say that Wyatt'n me'll meet 'em at the OK Corral at sun up. IKE: And have a posse waitin'? You're crazy. VIRGIL: Masterson's got no part in this, neither has the law. Just a little private business to settle between our two families. PHINEAS: And supposin' ah, we don't go? VIRGIL: Then we'll come a-lookin'. (He regards Steven.) VIRGIL: Your friend there, whose side's he on? STEVEN: Oh ah-ah, I'm with you and Wyatt. VIRGIL: D'you wanna to ride out with me? STEVEN: Well yeah, I'd like to! (Pa points his shotgun at Steven's head.) STEVEN: Somehow I don't think it's gonna be possible. PA: Regret stays here. Now get! IKE: And tell Earp we'll be there. VIRGIL: I'll tell him. Sleep easy. (Virgil leaves.) PHINEAS: Ha-ha! Well, it sure looks like a bad year for Earps. (The other two brothers laugh.) PA: Ya hear that Ringo? RINGO: I heard. IKE: Well It looks like we got 'em - two to four. RINGO: You mean I got 'em two to one. PHINEAS: How'd you figure that out? We'd be there too! RINGO: Sure you'd be there waitin' for 'em. Kinda like cheese in a mousetrap. BILLY: Now look! RINGO: Ah shut up Billy! You ain't got a hope in hell agin them two, only you ain't old enough to know it. IKE: Oh? What do we do?! RINGO: Let me earn my money why don't you? I'll take 'em from behind while you face 'em. BILLY: Never figured you for a back-shooter Ringo! RINGO: I never figured you for any kind of a shooter Billy, which is why we'll do it my way, okay? Real careful... [SCENE_BREAK] 5, INT: JAILHOUSE (Wyatt is sitting at the table staring blankly into the chamber of his broken revolver.) DOCTOR: Now Mr Werp, what part am I supposed to be playing in this feud between you and the Clantons? I thought that you gave me this to uphold the law, not... MASTERSON: He's right Wyatt. You can't ask him. DOCTOR: My main concern is for the safety of Steven and Dodo, now can't I ask you to change your mind? MASTERSON: It ain't no use old timer, he won't listen to me, he won't listen to nobody. (He pushes the Doctor to one side moments before the door opens.) DOCTOR: Oh! (Wyatt looks up.) WYATT: You seen 'em? VIRGIL: I seen 'em. WYATT: Gonna be there? VIRGIL: Oh they'll be there. Only thing is... WYATT: Well? VIRGIL: Fella up there with 'em ah, name of Steven Regret. DOCTOR: Steven? What in the world? VIRGIL: Claimed he weren't no pal of theirs, but... WYATT: Well Doc? DOCTOR: Well if he's there it's not a matter of choice. He's still searching for Dodo with Ringo. VIRGIL: Well I didn't see Johnny Ringo, but I sure enough saw his horse. And Kate, ain't she his girlfriend? Well she's there too. (There is a sound of hoofbeats across the street.) WYATT: So Ringo's with the Clantons, huh? Well, looks lie you an' me's gonna have a busy morning eh Virgil? DOCTOR: This is sheer madness Mr Sheriff, you can't take on the Clantons and Ringo! (A familiar scrawny figure stands in the doorway.) HOLLIDAY: They won't have to. (He chuckles.) WYATT: Doc! Thought I told you to get outta town! HOLLIDAY: Well now Wyatt so you did, but the fact is I was brung here at gunpoint by a woman! VIRGIL: You expectin' us to believe that? HOLLIDAY: The lady is here, the one and only Miss Dodo Dupont! (Dodo dances through the doorway waving a gun above her head as if it were a pair of maracas. Holliday plucks the gun from her grasp before she does someone a mischief.) HOLLIDAY: Hahah...er, thank you. DODO: Doctor! Thank goodness you're safe! DOCTOR: Oh my dear, I'm not in the slightest bit of danger - it was you that we were worried about. Hm-hm! HOLLIDAY: Well now where do we meet these Clantons? VIRGIL: We? Now see here Wyatt, I don't take kindly to fighting alongside an outlaw, friend of yours or no! HOLLIDAY: Suit yourself Virgil. I'll just wish you good luck and go off to find my Kate. VIRGIL: Oh, you'll find her at the Clantons. HOLLIDAY: What's that you say? WYATT: Yeah, with Johnny Ringo! HOLLIDAY: Johnny Ringo?! VIRGIL: Ah, I saw them myself, while or two back. (Holliday gets so angry his untidy moustache quivers.) HOLLIDAY: I'll be fightin' beside you two tomorrow mornin' whether you like it or not! DOCTOR: But this is ridiculous gentleman! Can you not oh..uphold the law without using firearms mm? WYATT: Well old friend...now I've got Doc Holliday back; why, you can hand in your badge any time you want to, pop. DOCTOR: Oh good heavens, what a relief. Here you are Bat, there's your badge. (He passes Masterson his gold star.) DOCTOR: And there is your wretched weapon! Hm-hm! (He pushes the gun back into Wyatt's hand.) HOLLIDAY: Wyatt, how you proposin' to handle this little Clanton matter? WYATT: Well, just walk right up there and face 'em. HOLLIDAY: You reckon old Pa Clanton will play it that simple? VIRGIL: Well they'll reckon they're four to two... HOLLIDAY: One of them four is Johnny Ringo. I ain't lining up for no squail dance. I'm gonna play this my way. WYATT: So what's your way? DOCTOR: Yes, what is your way, Doctor Holliday, mm? (Holliday gazes around at the curious faces and laughs mischievously to himself.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6, INT: LAST-CHANCE SALOON (The Doctor and Dodo are sitting in the bar drinking glasses of milk.) DODO: Isn't it time you went to bed Doctor? DOCTOR: Oh how can I possibly sleep my dear, knowing that Steven is mixed up with all this? DODO: I'm quite sure that Steven can take care of himself! DOCTOR: Yes, but I'm not just worrying about Steven my dear! What about this man Mr Werp? Supposing he gets killed mm, who is going to uphold law and order in this territory? Yeah...they couldn't let er...Masterson handle the affair I don't know. With a posse of deputies and at the end of it. Let the Clantons get a fair trial. MASTERSON: Proud to hear you say so Doctor. Iff'n you feel that way there's something you can do. I've tried all I know to talk Wyatt out of this an' he won't listen. I'm asking you to go talk to the Clantons. Seems like that's our only chance. DOCTOR: Me? But my dear Sheriff, I should have thought you were the one to convince... MASTERSON: No-no, they know me for a friend of Wyatt's. But iff'n you go to 'em with your badge, say you'll guarantee them a fair trial it might just persuade 'em. Me, I'd rather face trial than Wyatt, Virgil and Holliday together. DOCTOR: Yes I see... DODO: And you might be able to help Steven. DOCTOR: Yes, quite so my dear, that thought had passed through my head, yes. Well Mr Sheriff if need my assistance I certainly will go along and talk to them. MASTERSON: Good. (Pins the badge on the Doctor again.) MASTERSON: Now, only about two hours to sun-up. You'd better get started right now. [SCENE_BREAK] 7, INT: CLANTON RANCH (Pa enters the house again.) PA: Boys're on their way. STEVEN: On their way to murder? PA: That's a big word boy. It fits though. STEVEN: This was meant to be a fair fight. PA: Think I wanna see my own sons killed? STEVEN: They may as well be if they win this way. Masterson'll see they hang for it. PA: When the shootin's over we'll have this town in the palm of our hand - including Masterson. STEVEN: There's still Morgan Earp. PA: Oh if he's still alive we'll deal with him too. Can't build an empire boy, without getting a mite unscrupulous. (Knocks.) PA: Come on in. DOCTOR: Mr Clanton I presume? STEVEN: Doctor! DOCTOR: No er not Doctor at the moment dear boy, I am er...Deputy-Sheriff of Tombstone. PA: Well ain't that somethin'! My cattle been a-roamin' again? DOCTOR: I've come along to ask you to call off your boys from embarking on this ridiculous duel. PA: Yeah, seems like they was the ones got challenged. DOCTOR: And if you'll do this I'm sure that Masterson will see that they get a fair trial. PA: Oh that's real handsome. Only it don't fit in with my plans. DOCTOR: I see. You would prefer them to be shot down in the Street? PA: Well they can take their chances. STEVEN: Hoh they aren't taking any chances Doctor. Johnny Ringo's going be behind the Earps. PA: One more yap outta you Regret you're dead, boy! (The Doctor holds up a stern finger.) DOCTOR: Ah tch-tch-tch-tch-tch! If you are alluding to the presence of Mr Ringo, I can assure you sir that that also has been anticipated. They're quite ready for them. PA: Okay, supposing they are? There's still only two of them against four. DOCTOR: You have been sadly misinformed! Doctor Holliday is there also. PA: What?! Kate, you said Holliday was in New Mexico! KATE: I blush with shame Mr Clanton, indeed I do. That was a dang blasted lie. He's right there in Tombstone with the Earps. PA: Doc Holliday and the Earps? Again' my boys... [SCENE_BREAK] 8, EXT: MAIN STREET (Ringo and the Clantons ride into town and tie up their horses.) BALLAD: So the cards, they are drawn An' the chips, they are down, Them outlaws and lawmen Are headin' for town. So the Earps an the Clantons Are aimin' to meet, At the OK Corral Near Calamity Street. PHINEAS: We're early! RINGO: D'you wanna be late...for your own funeral? BILLY: Now you cut that out Ringo! IKE: Take it easy kid! RINGO: Just remember what I told you. BILLY: Yeah I remember. We're the bait in the trap. RINGO: That's right. Now don't forget, start firing before they get into range, and go on firing so as they don't get a chance to look behind 'em. Because that's where I'll be - okay? Be seeing you. (He moves off.) BALLAD: So them bad, cruel outlaws Are meeting up soon; And they've done their last drinkin' At the Last-Chance Saloon. [SCENE_BREAK] 9, INT: JAILHOUSE WYATT: Well, best be going. MASTERSON: Wyatt, are you sure I can't stop ya? WYATT: Nope. MASTERSON: Okay. So, good luck. WYATT: Ready Doc? HOLLIDAY: Oh, ready as I will be. Why these here get-togethers have to be held at sun-up I never will know. It'ain't civilised! WYATT: Now just where're you gonna make your play from, Doc? HOLLIDAY: Well it's like I say Wyatt. I'll be strollin' along real easy behind you on the shady side of the Street. Hah, okay? WYATT: Okay. (Wyatt and Virgil leave, Holliday doffs his hat at Masterson and follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10, EXT: MAIN STREET (The Earps stride slowly and solemnly down the street towards the Clantons.) BALLAD: It's the OK Corral Boys of gunfighting fame, Where the Earps and the Clantons, They played out their game. IKE: Here they come boys! Now! (The Clantons begin firing at the Earps, but they are too far to hit them.) IKE: Scatter! (They all dive for cover, still firing. Phineas crawls under a cart, Billy crawls to the side of the cart and Ike makes a break for the side of a house.) WYATT: Take the side. (The Earps each fire a single shot in unison, and breaking their deliberate march, Virgil dives to his right and the cover of a building, Wyatt crouches low and heads in the opposite direction as the Clanton bullets continue to fly. Over on the verandah Holliday creeps up, but Ringo is behind him. Before he has the chance to gun Holliday down, Dodo leaps out.) DODO: Doc, look out! (Holliday spins around and faces Ringo, gun in hand, but the vicious outlaw grabs Dodo and holds her in front of him as a shield. Holliday instinctively drops behind a pile of sacks. Ringo laughs at him.) RINGO: Well if it ain't Doc Holliday. Who invited you Doc? HOLLIDAY: You did Ringo. It seemed kinda seemly to show up. (He raises his hat.) RINGO: Throw down your gun, or the girl gets it. (He jabs the revolver into Dodo's ribs. Sighing, Holliday tosses his gun out into the street. Ringo smiles, then moves out with Dodo to pick it up, keeping his gun aimed at Holliday. Suddenly Dodo twists out of his grip and runs for the verandah, causing Ringo to fall over. Holliday takes his chance and slipping his mini-gun out of his pocket and fires a single shot. Ringo stiffens in pain.) HOLLIDAY: I'm sorry Johnny. (Holliday walks up to, and kneels over his writhing form.) HOLLIDAY: I thought you'd do better than that Mr Ringo. RINGO: I will, hah - next time! (Ringo goes slack.) HOLLIDAY: Ah now Missy you sure do perplex me, go-on now you get the hell outta here! DODO: Oh now Doc I was only trying to help! HOLLIDAY: You try to help me any more you'll be the death of me, go-on! (Dodo rushes back inside and Holliday strolls over to the verandah Wyatt is exchanging fire from.) HOLLIDAY: Ringo was here. WYATT: And? HOLLIDAY: He is no more. (Over by Billy.) BILLY: Phin'! I'm gonna get Doc Holliday! (Billy crawls out from his place beside the cart and scrambles over to the edge of where the Doc is firing wildly. The Doc stands and within two shots Billy is down. Holliday calmly walks over to Billy who is struggling to raise his gun and stares him in the face. As Billy feels the final shot his own weapon discharges harmlessly into the dirt road. Phineas crawls around a cart, but he only manages to get off a single shot before Virgil gets him. Grabbing onto the cart he pulls himself up, but is now in full range of Virgil and Wyatt. He slides to the ground in a volley of bullets from each of the brothers. Ike climbs a set of steps and fires at Holliday, but is surprised to hear nothing but a tiny metallic click. There is a moment's pause as Wyatt and Virgil join Holliday. Under their combined efforts Ike's body is lifeless before it has fallen from the top of the steps. Wearily two Marshalls and an outlaw survey the scene as a gentle breeze starts up in the silent street.) BALLAD: They paid their sins And they lost on the draw, For the Earps they was faster And they was the law. So beware all you cowboys Who's yearning to sin, If the Earps is the lawmen You ain't gonna win! [SCENE_BREAK] 11, INT: FEED STORE DOCTOR: Why on Earth would you want to leave Tombstone I can't imagine! All the Clantons are dead, Ringo is dead. HOLLIDAY: Matters anent. STEVEN: Yes, but surely Wyatt Earp... HOLLIDAY: Wyatt Earp is no longer a lawman. Besides he killed two Clantons. DODO: Even so, he'd never let a friend down. (Holliday grins.) HOLLIDAY: Neither would Masterson. KATE: Show 'em Doc. (He unrolls a tight new scroll of parchment to reveal a wanted poster with a very familiar face on it. The offer is $2,000 list of crimes reads: Murder, treason and other acts against the peace of the US.) HOLLIDAY: Ain't nothin' Masterson would do to oblige a friend. KATE: Ain't it always the same? HOLLIDAY: Always the same. (The Doctor glances from the parchment to Doc Holliday.) DOCTOR: It's a very good likeness. HOLLIDAY: Hahaha! It's yours. (The Doctor accepts the poster.) DOCTOR: Thank you. HOLLIDAY: Goodbye to you all. (He places an arm around Kate's shoulder and strolls away.) HOLLIDAY: Come along Kate. DOCTOR: Aah what a terrible, terrible injustice. You know I'm tempted to... DODO: Listen! (They hear the honky-tonk in the Last Chance Saloon begin to play as someone begins to sing the Ballad.) BALLAD: So fill up your glasses And join in the song, The law's right behind you And it won't take long. So come you coyotes And howl at the moon 'Til there's blood upon the sawdust At the Last-Chance Saloon. (Dodo begins to swing in time to the music.) DOCTOR: Ah my dear Dodo, my dear Dodo! You know you're fast becoming a prey to every cliche-ridden convention in the American West. And it's high time we left. Now come along STEVEN: Thank goodness for that! DOCTOR: Come along now! DODO: Oh but Doctor! DOCTOR: I don't want to discuss it any further. In you go, come along! (He gently bops Dodo twice on the behind with the poster and bundles Steven through the TARDIS door after her.) DOCTOR: Hah! (Dropping the unwanted wanted poster to the ground he enters the TARDIS himself as in the distance the singer can still be faintly heard continuing the ballad...) BALLAD: You've a good chance of swingin' It's your last chance to hide, It's your last chance of singin 'Til your long, last ride... [SCENE_BREAK] 12, INT: TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM (Having newly arrived at their next location the TARDIS crew stare at the scanner screen. The Doctor has lost his hat and Sheriff's star, but has acquired a small black bag slung across his shoulder; Steven and Dodo are dressed in drab normal clothes for the first time in their adventures together. As the image pans around a dry arid landscape they see scrubby grass and shrubbery contrasting against a vivid red watercolour sky.) DOCTOR: Yes I think I can say that I know just exactly where we are. (He smiles knowingly.) DODO: Past, present or future? DOCTOR: In the future, very much in the future. We've now reached the distant horizon of an age...an age of peace and prosperity. Now I'm going to be off! (The Doctor leaves the TARDIS and Steven and Dodo follow. Unseen on the scanner is the form of a wizened old man as he stares curiously out. He is unkempt, has a straggly white beard and is dressed in a simple outfit of tattered rags...)	Plan: A: Tombstone; Q: Where did the First Doctor find himself involved with gunmen? A: the First Doctor; Q: Who finds himself involved with gunmen out to kill Doc Holliday? Summary: Arriving in the town of Tombstone, the First Doctor finds himself involved with gunmen out to kill Doc Holliday...
Meat Shop Guy 1: Is that thing running? Jacob: Stop fcking around guys. Stay focused here. fck. I'm stopping to rock a piss guys. If you want to film something, film the river. [music] Jacob: Are you filming me pissing. fck off! fck, put it in Park, put it in Park. Jesus! Ricky: What the fck is this sh1t? You guys are too close. I'm serious. Stay the fck out of our way. Julian: Boys, we gotta hurry up and get there as soon as we can. Shitty called around and some other guys seen them driving in the woods a few days ago, so they might be okay. Ricky: Or they might be fcked, and this is a big fcking waste of time. Julian: Don't be thinking like that, we gotta stay positive man. Bubbles: Julian, for the record, I do not fcking trust lumberjacks. Julian: Bubbles, it's going to be fine. Come on, we're wasting time here boys. Let's go. Ricky: fck, we got a lot of food boys. I can't wait to eat. Bubbles: Put it in here Ricky? Ricky: It works like a vaporizer. We'll get stoned through the vents on the way there. Bubbles: That's fcked. [music] Bubbles: Are you sure this is the right road Julian? Ricky: It's the only fcking road around. Julian: This is it. That's Great Bear River right there Bubbs. Bubbles: It's a big sassy river, isn't it? What's that boys? Look, up on the road. Julian: Wait. Stop the car. Bubbles: Oh no, those are the good good whole wheat Shreddies I gave them. Ricky: Those guys are dumb. Like, why would they leave their fcking Shreddies right here? Bubbles: They might be starving out here boys. Julian: They've got lots of licorice. They'll be fine Bubbles. Oh, oh my god. Bubbles: Oh my god. Jacob and the dumb guys. Ricky: Forget about those fcking dicks. Julian man, look at your car. Bubbles: What are we going to do? Julian: fck! Alright, we gotta call the cops and tell them what happened, so we're not wrapped up in some kind of a murder case. Bubbles: Yup. Julian: We've got no choice. This is our fault Ricky. Ricky: No. No way boys. I mean, it's a bit of a shame but, they were just too fcking stupid to survive. Happens all the time in the animal kingdom when you think about it. Dumb rakins, stupid birds, crazy squirrels, porquipicks that get hit by cars. Helps over control the population of the things that are fcking stupid. Bubbles: Ricky! Ricky: I mean, those guys basically just cocked themselves over and fcked up. It's not our problem. Survival of the fitness boys. Bubbles: Can you see them in there, Ricky? Ricky: I don't know. It's pretty slippery down here boys, be careful. Bubbles: Julian, there's no bodies. There's no sign of them. Ricky: This is fcking weird man. Your upholstery is ripped to sh1t. There's nothing left in there for upholstery. Trailer, totally empty. Julian: Maybe they ripped the seats apart for survival reasons. Bubbles: Yeah, that's a possibility Julian. You know what else is a possibility? Grizzly cocksuckers mighta ate them. Ricky: fcking hillybillies. Boys, I am fcking scared to death of dirty hillybillies. Bubbles: Me too Ricky. Hillybillies and rickshitty bears. Julian: If all the tracks gone, I guarantee you those guys are still out there setting it up. Stop wasting time man! Come on. Bubbles: I'm trying my best there Mister fcking drypants. Julian: Come on Bubbs. Ricky: My fcking good track pants man. If those guys are alive, they're buying me some new fcking track pants. [sound of rain and thunder] Jacob: Keep it together boys. I'm going to record a message for Julian. If anyone finds this tape, can they please give Julian from the Sunnyvale Trailer Park a message. Tell him, tell him, tell him we did our best. And thanks for the dope Ricky. Thanks a lot. Total respect Julian. Ricky: You dry yet Bubbles? Bubbles: Yeah, I'm totally dry. Turn the fcking heat down, will you? Boys, my legs are all jinkitty- janked. Julian: They gotta be out there somewhere. There's nothing else out here. So they should be okay. Bubbles: Julian, no offence, but you don't know what's in these woods. They could be full of fcking grizzly whores or stupid drunk lumber cocksuckers for all you know. Ricky: What to the fck do them clothes them doing there? Why the fck would those guys take their clothes off in the middle of the woods. Bubbles: Oh, I don't know, but some one or some thing made them take their clothes off. Jacob: We made these car seats ponchos to help keep the boys warm. Yeah, I'm doing okay. We're down to our last few Shreddies and pieces of licorice. I'm going to turn it off boys, save the battery. Bubbles: I mean, who knows boys. If they're high on Ricky's dope and they're out here gallivanting around in the woods, maybe the cops busted them for being naked. Julian: Bubbs, there's no cops out here. There's only forest rangers. Ricky: Well, the chances of getting run into forest rangers out here is zer-low so they should be fine. Jacob: What the fck is that? Quick boys, we gotta hide. Get down behind this tree. Stay down boys. Forest Ranger 1: Hello? Hello, is there someone out here? Hello? Forest Ranger 1: Licorice and Shreddies. Forest Ranger 2: Shreddies? Forest Ranger 1: Yeah, licorice and Shreddies. There's someone out here. I know it. Back in the Argo, let's go. Bubbles: I'm really worried about these guys still Ricky. I mean, they very well could be dead you know. What if they're fcking this whole thing up? Ricky: They're certainly wasting my time. Julian: It's still warm. Which means they're close. See, I told you Jacob wouldn't give up Ricky. Bubbles: Yeah, but how do we know that's their fire. Anybody could have had that fire going. Ricky: Look at this. Smells like my dope. It is my dope, it is them. Bubbles: Yes! Alright, they're alive. Jacob. Ricky: fck, goofs! Julian: Jacob, where are you buddy? Bubbles: Ricky, do they answer to fck goofs? Ricky: Oh yeah. Bubbles: fck goofs. Julian: Jacob! Bubbles: Listen, listen. Ricky: Oh, it's just a peasant cuckooling Bubbles. Bubbles: We're going to find them boys. Julian: Alright, back in the car, let's go. Jacob: Okay. We got all the track from the car. It took four trips. The boys have been setting it up and doing a really good job. Over there, across the river, that's Maine and this side's Canada and the border is right down the middle. USA, Canada. Mm, thank god for this dope Ricky. It's the only thing keeping us alive right now. fcking flies. We started in the rain last night so we need an energy boost. We're so fcking hungry. We found some salamanders. Hopefully they taste not too bad. Here, give me one. Are they done? Yeah, it's not, it's not so good. Bubbles: Do you take lemons and caper Ricky with your smoked salmon. Ricky: Bubbles, I don't want any rich peopleman's food. I want some fcking meat that's cooked. Bubbles: Smoked salmon is delicious. Julian, smoked salmon? Earth to Julian, come in Julian. Julian: Bubbs, would you get back on track? Have you figured out where we're at yet? Bubbles: Well, unless I got it all fcked up, I think they're right around here boys. They have to be. Ricky: Or, they could be in fcking Dumbland, where people fcking do dumb stuff and dumb everything up Bubbles. Julian: Wait now. What's that over there, boys? Bubbles: What? Julian: Right there on the tree. Bubbles: It's a note pinned to the tree. Deedly-dee. It's a note alright. We can't call people without wings angels so we call them friends. You may think I'm crazy but the forest is alive. Alive I tell you. Something's been stealing our track. Something's been fcking with us. I thought things were okay until last night but there are angry monsters in the woods and in the water and the trees are following me. What? We may not make it. Help us please. Your friend forever, Jacob Collins. What's he talking about? The trees are following him? Jacob: We just finished studying. It's the only thing keeping us sane right now. But I just came down to the river to wash up and noticed something odd. Check this out. Someone or something threw a bunch of our track, the last of our track, into this giant pile of sh1t down there in the river. [SCENE_BREAK] [noise] Jacob: What the fck is that? Another one of these ghost trees. Holy fck boys, did you see that? I got that one on film. Alright, we gotta get the track out of that pile down there guys. Okay, get down there. Get down there, you're going to get it out. Go boys, go. [screaming] Julian: Okay, that's Great Bear River there. The US is on the other side. This is the most level place boys. I mean, the bridge should be built right around this area. Ricky: They fcked us. Big surprise Julian. No fcking bridge. Julian: Maybe I was wrong. Bubbles: No actually, there isn't a bridge Ricky. But you know what there is? There's a fcking tunnel. Right here. Julian: Oh my god, I can't believe it. Bubbles: Look at that. Ricky: They did it boys. Did they ever fcking do it! That is fcking perfect. It's going to work. Now, can we please fcking eat before I die? Julian: Rick, we're not eating yet,O.K. We got some work to do. Jacob: The boys finished laying the track. They took a terrible beating from the water monsters last night. Check that sh1t out. We're so hungry now and we're lost too. fcking flies. fck! Julian, I'm really losing it here man. Julian: Do you got any bug dope? Thanks. Bubbles: Oh yeah, oh yeah. Check it out. Look at this boys. Ooh, ooh, ooh. There's the start of the track right there. That's where we load the dope, go to the US. Look at this. It's all cleared out. Road's right there. This is pretty good. Julian: This is perfect. Ricky: Whippity fck. Alright, we don't need those guys anymore. So can we please, please get something to eat. Julian: Ricky, these guys aren't disposable. They're our friends man. Look what they did for us. We gotta go find them. Ricky: What did you just call them? Julian: They're our friends. Ricky: Do you feel that way too Bubbs? Bubbles: What was the question? Ricky: Look boys, Cory and Trevor were kind of our friends. These guys are just jail cover dummies. You're getting too fcking close to your jail cover. You're still upset we sent Cory and Trevor to the insane place aren't you? Julian: No. Ricky: You Bubbs. Bubbles: No. Ricky: Me either. Anyway, let's go set up camp before it gets dark. Cook the sh1t out of some meat. Cook bacon. I mean, they're going to smell bacon cooking if they're starving. Just tell me we can please fcking go eat. Julian: Alright, let's go eat. Ricky: Thinking about getting drunk tonight boys. Really fcking drunk. What about you guys? Julian: Yeah, I'll have a couple of drinks Rick. Ricky: You Bubbs? Bubbles: No fcking way, Ricky. I'm not getting drunk way out here. Ricky: Why not? Bubbles: I'm just not. Ricky: For fck's sakes. Stupid pants. Bubbles: Ricky. Ricky: Oh fck! There's fcking milk all over the tenderloins. It's alright though boys, we got lots of food. Bubbles: Come here, just pull your pants up. Ricky: Give me a hand with these Bubbs. I've gotta get the fcking barbeque going. We still got a lot of food. Shishkabits, pork chops, burgers, hot dogs, what do you guys want to start with? Bubbles: Ricky! Ricky: Got a fcking nice roast in here too. Bubbs, what's going on here, come on. Bubbles: I'm trying to. Ricky: fcking things. They're never going to be the same. After that fcking swamp. Bubbles: Well, you can't just give up on them. Ricky: Well, this snap doesn't work here. It's fcked. You gotta use this one. Look. Bubbles: I know, but they're your pants. Ricky: Let's fcking eat, come on. Bubbles: Oh my god, I'm stuffed boys. What's wrong Julian. Julian: Nothing Bubbs. Ricky: How were the steaks boys? They we're over cooked were they? Julian: They were perfect Rick. Bubbles: Ricky, that Caesar salad was miraculous. Pork chops, unbelievable. Ricky: You're fcking burgers were fantastic Bubbles. I can't believe it. Everything is gone. We fcking ate it all. Bubbles: We ate all the meat Ricky? Ricky: Well, there's three hot dogs left. You may as well get them in ya. Julian: I'm done Rick. Ricky: Got room for one dog, come on. Bubbles: Come on, Julian. One more,and then we can say we ate all of it. Ricky: fck, I love meat. Jacob: Julian, we're so hungry we thought about eating our text books, but we can't. Cause really, we gotta pass our exam. It's the only thing we're doing right now. Just studying. Trying to fcking get through this but, I don't know what we're going to do. [sniffing] What's that smell? What is that? Do you guys smell that? Julian: Well, I'm shutting it down boys. I'm going to bed. Ricky: What are you talking about? What the fck's wrong with you? Julian: Rick, don't you have any compassion? Those guys put their lives on the line setting up that track and if they're still alive, I'm going to find them. Ricky: Well, you're not going to find them tonight. Let's get drunk, do drugs and get her going on the Mitchell. Bubbs, please talk some sense to him. I want to get drunk man. We're fcking camping here, let's party. Bubbles: Julian, Ricky has a point. We're not going to find them tonight and you know, to be honest, I'm a little nervous out here in the woods. Couple of drinks and a little bit of dope might take the edge off, you know. I'll help you find them in the morning. We'll find them. Julian: You promise? Bubbles: Yes, I promise. Ricky: Here. Take a little toot off that. Bubbles: Boys, I gotta rock a piss. Ricky: Alright, you rock a piss. I'm going to rock some Mitchell. [loud music] Ricky: Whooo! fck, we're getting drunk tonight. Want some more drugs Bubbs? Want hash or weed buddy. Bubbles: Little bit of both Ricky. Combo. Jacob: Where's it coming from boys? [sniffling sounds] Jacob: I think it's this way. Ricky: Whooo! [music] Ricky: Oh, fck yeah. Bubbles: Holy fck boys! Boys, I just saw three bears down in the woods. Three bears Ricky. [music] Ricky: You fcking sure? Bubbles: Three big dirty ass bears right down there. [music] Bubbles: Boys, the thing about bears is to just make noise and scare them away. [banging on a pot] [music] Bubbles: They ran up there Julian. Julian: Where? Bubbles: Up there. Fire some warning shots or something. [gunshots] Ricky: That's not bears. It's fcking hillybillies. fck you you greasy hillybillies? Jacob: Ricky, is that you? Julian: Jacob?! Jacob: Julian! Julian: Jacob! Ricky: Oh my fck! Julian: Oh my god man. I can't believe you guys are still alive. Jacob: How did you? What are you doing here? Bubbles: Boys, you're alive. Julian: We're here looking for you man. Jacob: You came to find us. I knew you'd come to find us Julian. Julian: Alright. Jacob: I knew you would. Julian: You don't need to hug and kiss boys. It's okay. Ricky: What the fck were you doing shooting at us? Jacob: We were starving, we, we thought you were campers. We didn't know. We were going to come and try to steal some food. Julian: Ricky, grab them some food. Ricky: There's nothing left man. Maybe a few gummy worms and some pizza crusts on the floor of the car but it's fcking old. Jacob: What day is it today boys? Bubbles: Thursday Jacob, the fifteenth. Jacob: Oh fck. Julian: What. Jacob: Our hotel/motel management exam is today. We missed it. Dad's going to kill me. We missed our exam boys. Julian: Get in the car, we're leaving boys. Ricky: What the fck are you talking about? What about all the drinking and the drugs and the Mitchell? Julian: We got enough time to make it back for their exam. It's the least we can do for these guys, come on. Ricky: fck's sakes. Fine, get in the car. You guys in the f*cking trunk. Nice one Jacob, thanks a lot. Cause of your stupid hotel/motel booking sh1t!	Plan: A: the woods; Q: Where did Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles search for Jacob and his friends? A: their disappearance; Q: What event caused Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles to search for Jacob and his friends? A: the grim discovery; Q: What do Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles make when searching for Jacob and his friends? A: Julian's 1987 Monte Carlo; Q: What do Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles find in the river? A: A series; Q: How many flashbacks show how Jacob and his friends had already escaped the car? Summary: Searching the woods for Jacob and his friends after their disappearance, Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles make the grim discovery of Julian's 1987 Monte Carlo in the river, emptied and with the seat covers stripped off. A series of flashbacks show how Jacob and his friends had already escaped the car and taken out the materials needed for the model-train operation.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Dean O'Dell sits up groggily in 309 "Spit and Eggs." There's a thump-thump. He walks unsteadily towards the window and watches as more eggs are thrown against it. He turns as the creak of the door. O'DELL: What are you doing here? Weevil enters the dean's office where the dean's head is lying across the keyboard on his desk. There is a bullet hole in his temple. Cut to Mindy O'Dell in Keith's office in 310 "Show Me the Monkey." MINDY: My husband didn't kill himself. KEITH: What makes you think that? MINDY: Because I know my husband. Cut to Veronica and Piz in the Food Court. VERONICA: Why bother with something not good just because it's something? PIZ: Especially when you know the difference, which not many people do? I mean, do you? VERONICA: I think I do. Logan pulls open the door of his suite to find Veronica. They kiss. End previously. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Veronica and Logan are at one of the tables. Logan is eating chips. Veronica appears to be concentrating on her reading as Logan eats his chips. She speaks without looking up as he picks up another chip. VERONICA: Are you gonna eat that? Logan holds up the chip. LOGAN: This? VERONICA: Yeah, that fry in particular. LOGAN: That was the plan. VERONICA: I'm just saying, if you weren't, or if you were just gonna consume it out of obligation or to meet someone else's expectations, I know someone who might be willing to take it off your hands. Logan starts to feed the chip to her. VERONICA: Maybe add a little ketchup, make it worth a girl's while. Logan sighs, but dutifully dips it in tomato sauce first, then puts the chip in her mouth. VERONICA: You're welcome. Logan grabs his books and stands. LOGAN: Well, I'm off to astronomy. He pulls a magazine out from the small piles of books. LOGAN: Did you see the Lampoon yet? VERONICA: Unh-unh. He gives her his copy of the Lampoon. LOGAN: Enjoy. He kisses her and walks off. Veronica looks at the Lampoon, the cover of which has the work "Egg" across it. Opening the magazine reveals "-ed" on the inside cover. As Veronica amuses herself with reading the accompanying article on page one, entitled "Multiple eggings beat fear into Lampoon editors," Weevil arrives with a tray and joins her at the table. WEEVIL: Don't tell me they actually wrote something funny in there. VERONICA: Better. The Hearst Lampoon offices got egged the night after Dean O'Dell reinstated the Greeks. She turns and holds out the magazine for Weevil to see the article, and in particular, a large illustration of a map at which the Pi Sig house, the Randolph Hearst statue, and the Lampoonoffices are shown to be the targets. The illustration is titled "Huevosnacht!" VERONICA: See, that's where the egg was launched at the Pi Sig party by unknown persons. Read the Lilith House girls. WEEVIL: I can't believe how dumb these people are, you know? They're mad at the dean, so they egg his window, like he's the one who has to clean it up. VERONICA: The dean's window? It doesn't mention the dean's window. WEEVIL: That night, they egged the dean's office, too. This surprises Veronica. WEEVIL: I don't know why they didn't put that in there. Maybe they couldn't find a way to make it funny. He was a good guy, the dean, you know. It's a damn shame. This information puzzles Veronica. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith is waiting with increasing impatience as Deputy Sacks searches through files at the front desk. KEITH: I filled out the request form a week ago. Sacks finally finds what he is looking for. He pulls out a thin file. SACKS: Ah, got it. Somebody filed it under D. He hands it to Keith, who turns to walk out, already scanning. Lamb is coming in and Keith pauses in front of him. SACKS: [apologetically] Mr. Mars requested the report on Cyrus O'Dell's suicide. LAMB: You know you're not sheriff anymore, right? KEITH: Just an interested citizen. SACKS: It's a public record, Sheriff. [a little desperately] He filled out the form. Lamb sighs heavily. LAMB: Always looking for a crime where there isn't one. I think you need a new hobby, Keith. KEITH: Oh, I don't know. I find solving an investigation very relaxing. You should give it a try sometime. LAMB: Yeah, yeah. I'll get right on that. KEITH: Hmm. Keith smiles, nods and walks around Lamb. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica is heading for an external staircase. Max, the student who provides others with test papers and answers last seen in 306 "Hi, Infidelity," runs to catch up with her. MAX: Veronica, hey. They continue up the staircase. VERONICA: Sir Cheats-a-Lot. How's business? MAX: Booming. It's like no one here wants to do his own work. I've actually brought in employees. VERONICA: Question. Does your team provide study guides for ethics exams? MAX: Every day. Yeah, the irony has kind of faded over time. So, my own question. Is it true you're, like, a junior private investigator? Because if it's true, A: that's really cool, and B: I-I've got a case for you. They reach the top of the stairs and come onto an outdoor eating area with tables and food stands. VERONICA: You're just like the rest of them, aren't you? You just want to use me for my skills and pay me for my time and effort. MAX: Do I have an option of using you for your skills and not paying? VERONICA: The friends-and-family plan...unfortunately, you're neither. Veronica helps herself to a cup of something liquid from one of the stands. MAX: Then I guess I'll pay. Here's the deal. The woman I love is getting married next week. I have no idea where or to who. I don't know her address, her phone number. I don't even know her last name. Veronica drops some change into a pay-box and looks at Max curiously. MAX: If you don't find her, I'm taking a bath with my blow-dryer. Opening credits. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - CONTINUING. Veronica and Max continue walking through the piazza. VERONICA: So we're straight, this girl you love: you don't know where she lives, who she's marrying, or, if I understand correctly, her name. They reach and walks along a balcony. MAX: I know her first name. VERONICA: A triumph. MAX: And she's from Poughkeepsie. She mentioned that. VERONICA: How do I put this delicately? Does she know who you are? MAX: Yes. We met at this convention thing. We got to talking. We hit it off. We ended up staying up all night in my hotel room talking about, you know, life, the big picture. We connected on some higher plane. Last names, at that point, seemed trivial. VERONICA: Uh-huh, so, what was the convention? Is there actually a fake-term-paper and stolen-test-provider union? MAX: It was Comic-Con. Veronica stops and Max turns to face her. VERONICA: You didn't get all sweaty in your Wookiee suit, did you? MAX: Yuk it up. You know, it's not all Trekkies and Star Wars nerds. I was there because Dave Gibbons has a new graphic novel that he scripted as well as drew. Veronica starts walking again. VERONICA: Sounds cooler now. So, about the one that got away, she was dressed as a Cylon, and you only knew her as Six, right? MAX: Her name is Chelsea, and she was in regular clothes. And, yeah, after the Dave Gibbons thing, I may have drifted into the Battlestar Galactica session. And, yeah, that's where we met. And, okay, we started out talking about how the Cylon raiders on BSG look like Batman's car when it turns into a plane. But then...then we started talking about our crappy relationships with our parents and, and Chuck Klosterman and moral grayness. VERONICA: And how when you see a plastic bag flying around, you think there's so much beauty in the world you can't take it? MAX: You get the picture. VERONICA: I do. Connection, higher plane. Then you frakked. MAX: No, but sx was hardly the point. What we had was better. I took her to the airport in the morning. We were running late. She said she left me a note by my bed with all her information on it. By the time I got back to the room, housekeeping had been there, and the note was gone. VERONICA: Are you sure she actually left it? MAX: Positive. They reach another external staircase and start down the stairs. VERONICA: So, how do you know she's- MAX: A few days ago, she sent me a text message. It said that she was giving up waiting for me to call, that her and her ex were getting back together and they're getting married. VERONICA: So, why am I here? MAX: Because I've got to stop her. She's only marrying him because I didn't call her back. VERONICA: Well, if she sent you a text, then you've got her number. Call her and explain it all. Max shakes his head. MAX: I've called a bunch of times. Some guy answers, says he's never heard of Chelsea. VERONICA: Can I see the text? They reach the ground. Veronica stops again, turning to face Max. MAX: I showed it to my roommate, and he accidentally erased it. I have the number the text came from, though. VERONICA: Where? INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLARK HALL, MAX'S ROOM - DAY. Max opens the door to his room and Veronica follows him in. MAX: Have a seat. Max immediately goes to a small table to get the number. VERONICA: No, thanks. It's easier to be nosy if I can mill about. Veronica walks towards his computer, which is paging through photographs. She sees one of Max and two other guys. She recognises the room the picture was taken in. VERONICA: You know Mac and Parker? This is their room. MAX: Who? As she watches, it changes to another picture taken in Mac and Parker's room of the three guys. VERONICA: Uh, this photo. MAX: No, that's from the around-the-world party. That's my roommate, Brian, and my friend, Fred. I think that room was supposed to be Canada, but it was kind of lame. VERONICA: Hmm. Max hands Veronica a post-it note. MAX: Here's the number. Veronica pulls her cell phone out of her back pocket. VERONICA: Let's give it a shot. She punches in the number. It rings. PHONE GUY: [on phone] Yeah? VERONICA: Hi, I'm sorry to bug you again, but my friend is trying to track down someone who sent him a text message from this phone. PHONE GUY: [on phone] I told him, I don't know a Chelsea. VERONICA: Yeah, but 845, can you tell me where that area code is from? PHONE GUY: [on phone] Goshen, New York. VERONICA: Is that near Poughkeepsie? PHONE GUY: [on phone] About forty-three miles. VERONICA: Is that where you are now? Maybe someone borrowed your cell phone. PHONE GUY: [on phone] I didn't lend anyone my phone, and I'm not in Goshen. I go to college out in California. VERONICA: Really? Where? INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - CONTINUING. The phone guy, wearing a large, white apron, turns out to work at one of the concessions in the Food Court. PHONE GUY: It's this tiny west coast liberal arts college no one's ever heard of: Hearst. VERONICA: [on phone] Actually... INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLARK HALL, MAX'S ROOM - CONTINUING. VERONICA: I've heard of it. Could you check your phone, see if the text message is still in your outbox? PHONE GUY: [on phone] I just got it last month. I haven't quite learned all the features yet. Veronica rolls her eyes. VERONICA: Mind if I come check for myself? INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - CONTINUING. PHONE GUY: How are you gonna do that? INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLARK HALL, MAX'S ROOM - CONTINUING. VERONICA: Just tell me where you are. I'll handle the travel arrangements. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Music: "Never the Same Again" by Moonlight Towers. LYRICS: Sometimes I get lost inside a world that's not my own Why I try to go outside, I just can't get where I belong Just because all the wheels keep turning It doesn't mean that the fire still burns It's never going to be the same again It's never going to be the same again It's never going to be the same- Veronica is at the stand where the phone guy works and has his cell phone in her hands. She manipulates the buttons as he watches. VERONICA: It's right here, under "messages." Just scroll down to "sent," and bingo. Here it is. "Max, I don't know why I haven't heard from you. I guess I was wrong about our night together." PHONE GUY: I didn't send that. VERONICA: When was the last time you were back east? PHONE GUY: Christmas. VERONICA: Maybe you were out on the town, a couple eggnogs to the wind, some sweet, young thing asks to borrow your- Behind the phone guy, a fellow worker appears with a large tray, heading for the display case. BRIAN: Hot stuff, coming through. And he's carrying a tray of muffins. VERONICA: I know you. The colleague is one of the guys in the picture with Max at the around-the-world party. He looks up at her, confused. BRIAN: Uh... VERONICA: You're Max's roommate, aren't you? BRIAN: Yeah, I'm Brian. Hey. VERONICA: Brian. Really? He nods, still bemused. VERONICA: You look more like a Chelsea. His eyes dart as he stares at her guiltily. End music: "Never the Same Again" by Moonlight Towers. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLARK HALL, MAX'S ROOM - DAY. Max opens the door of his room and smiles at the sight of Veronica. She hurries in. MAX: News? Already? She turns to face him as he shuts the door. VERONICA: The glass-is-half-full version: Chelsea's not getting married. Max is overjoyed. MAX: Are you serious? VERONICA: Yeah. The half-empty version is...she's a hooker. Max is gobsmacked. VERONICA: Brian and Fred, as demented as this sounds, thought you'd have more confidence with girls if you...lost your virginity. Max is momentarily speechless and fights to get his voice back. MAX: I'm gonna go kill my friends now, so if you could just leave me a bill. VERONICA: The impression I got, they thought they were doing a good thing. MAX: I'm sorry, but on what planet am I a sexual charity case? Like I haven't had opportunities? I've had opportunities, but I have standards. High standards. Max, beside himself, sinks down onto the armchair next to his desk. MAX: Maybe...maybe that's why they picked her, 'cause they could tell. VERONICA: [gently] They didn't interview her, Max. They weren't matchmaking. They coached her. They told her you were a Battlestar fan. They gave her the "so say we all" t-shirt she was wearing. That line about the Cylon raiders looking like Batman's car; they fed her that. MAX: What about the text message? VERONICA: When they saw you pining, they wanted to find a way to put you out of your misery without...well, crushing you. Brian found out a guy he works with is from upstate New York. He swiped his phone, sent you a message as Chelsea saying goodbye so you'd get over her. MAX: Can you still find her? VERONICA: Um...yes. But she'll still be a prostitute. MAX: I'm not stupid, Veronica. Okay, we had something. I know it. Veronica sighs. MAX: There's some things you can't fake. VERONICA: There are some things women are universally known for faking, and this girl is a professional. MAX: When I dropped her off at the airport, she had tears in her eyes. VERONICA: Are you sure she wasn't thinking of the cab fare back? Max gets to his feet. MAX: Fine. Think what you want. The job was to find her, not tell me her occupation. [challenging] Are you gonna do it or not? INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Veronica, Brian, still in his apron, and Fred, the other guy in the photo, walk into the Food Court. FRED: He wants you to track her down? He laughs. FRED: You can't do this. I mean, you're just fuelling his fire. He's obsessed. VERONICA: He thinks she's the one. BRIAN: She's the first girl to touch where his bathing suit covers. Fred chuckles. BRIAN: Of course he thinks she's the one. Brian pulls off the apron. VERONICA: Actually, she's not. Both look at her in astonishment. BRIAN: He wasn't a virgin? FRED: We spent five hundred each on a hooker, and he wasn't a virgin? VERONICA: No, you spent five hundred each, and he's still a virgin. Brian and Fred exchange a WTF?! look. BRIAN: Okay, she better have done some crazy, like, circus act. VERONICA: They talked and connected. Veronica finds an empty table and sits down. BRIAN: This is the worst moment of my life. The guys sit down. FRED: Well, he didn't say anything. We just figured he's one of those gentlemen guys who doesn't talk about it. BRIAN: Wait, is that why he wants you to find her, 'cause he wants to sleep with her? VERONICA: No. I mean, he probably does want to sleep with her, but mainly, he thinks they have a connection. BRIAN: You definitely told him she was a hooker? Veronica nods. VERONICA: I think he needs to see it for himself. A little brutal truth. So, how did you find her? The guys glance at each other. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FRED'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Veronica is on the computer at Fred's desk. Brian and Fred stand next to her, leaning down against the desk to view the screen. On screen is the home page for "The Erotic Critique." The O in "Erotic" incorporates the symbols for both male and female. Under the banner, are a number of subheadings under which there are short paragraphs: "Welcome to the Erotic Critique - Glad you've finally arrived, we've been expecting you. Community - All reviews, both individual and service, are exhaustive and.... Premium Access - As a Premium Client you have complete access to the site..." VERONICA: A hooker search engine. What will you boys come up with next? Brian smiles and Fred chuckles, a little uncomfortable but nonetheless proud of themselves. VERONICA: Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. And thar she blows. One Chelsea. On the screen are the details for a male escort/massager/role player, dressed as a woman in one picture and au natural sans makeup in a second. His "agency" is Forbidden Fruits and his city is Tierrasanta. VERONICA: That explains why Chelsea was into comic books. Chelsea's a dude. FRED: That's not her. BRIAN: They change their working names all the time. VERONICA: Great. There are only 18,731 escorts listed on the site. Much as I'd like to peruse their pages individually... BRIAN: Try narrowing the search by preference. Veronica looks at Brian quizzically. BRIAN: You know: hair colour, height, bondage preferences. VERONICA: You know Max's preference? FRED: Hey, that's easy. Yeah, we just described Milla Jovovich with a b-cup. BRIAN: And found one into role-playing. VERONICA: How very Weird Science. Let's see. Veronica taps some keys. She gets to the page where preferences are entered, for example, under "Hair Color," some of the options include "bleached" and "blonde," under "Breast Size," "non-existant," "tiny," "normal," "full," and "luscious." VERONICA: It's like a Zagat Guide for hookers. How did people find sx before there was an internet? Whoa, overall looks we've got everything from "model material" to "tripple bagger." There are ten choices under this category: "Tripple Bagger [sic], Transient, Horney [sic], OK if Wasted, Plain, Attractive, Head Turner, Hottie, Gorgeous, Model Material." VERONICA: I can only assume... She hits "Type of Experience" and the dropdown menu offers a series of acronyms: "DRE, GFE, PSE..." VERONICA: What's GFE? BRIAN: Girlfriend experience. VERONICA: She has to be an experienced girlfriend? BRIAN: It's the type of experience you want her to have. You want it to be like she's your girlfriend, it's a GFE, girl friend experience. But if you want to act like you're in a p0rn, it's a PSE: porn-star experience. Fred smirks and nods his head. VERONICA: Is there a reality experience, where she reminds the guy she's only there because he's paying her? The boys have the grace to look momentarily abashed. VERONICA: Okay, boys, let's find that hooker. Veronica submits the preference information. The detailed search returns two candidates, Lizette and Fiona. There is a near full-body picture of each, although their faces are blurred. Lizette is listed as "Provider, Southern California." Both girls are described identically: "Available, Escort/Massage, Outcall, Day/Nighttime, Agency, Petite, 5'0-5'4", 18-24, Blonde, Short (hair length), Brown Eyes, Full Lips, 32-36 Breasts, A to B Cup, White, Model Material, GFE." VERONICA: From 18,000 down to two. Your attention to detail has served us well, young Jedis. So, which blurry-faced, fatherless girl is she? The boys peer at the screen, uncertain. FRED: Pink bikini, maybe? BRIAN: I don't know. I think the one we picked had a longer torso. Veronica's brow furrows at their indecision. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith is sitting on the couch, writing notes furiously. Veronica enters the apartment. On Keith's failure to react or greet her, she shuts the door with a little force. VERONICA: I come home after a hard day at work, and there you are, lounging with your bonbons and your Harper's Bazaar. There better be some freshly pressed shirts in my closet, or so help me. Keith just sighs and looks at her. VERONICA: What? You got nothing? He shrugs. KEITH: Hmm. Maybe I'm not in the mood. VERONICA: [demanding] Amuse me, damn it. Amuse me now. With little enthusiasm, Keith does a literal song-and-dance, albeit still sitting. KEITH: [singing] I finally got the police report on the dean's suicide. He ends with his arms outstretched. Veronica gazes at him sadly. VERONICA: That needs work. Keith drops his arms. VERONICA: Did the report say anything about the dean's office getting egged? KEITH: Nope, but then again, it looks like it was done by a tenth grader. I swear it might as well have heavy-metal band logos sketched in the margins. Keith slaps the police report down on the coffee table in disgust. VERONICA: There are these girls from Lilith House, activists with a real grudge against the Greeks. Veronica gets herself a bottle of water from the fridge. VERONICA: They hated the dean. One of them, Nish, was the editor at the newspaper. When O'Dell fired her, she swore he'd regret it. They went on an egging spree the night of his suicide, protesting him reinstating the Greeks. KEITH: Do you mind talking to them? VERONICA: Yeah, I think I've dipped into that well one too many times. They're not big Veronica fans. She sinks into the armchair next to him. VERONICA: I think you're probably gonna have to handle this one yourself. If you go undercover as a student, no Daniel Boone jacket, no peace signs. The times, they have a-changed. Keith gets up from the couch, tapping her on the knee as he does. KEITH: Will you be home for dinner? VERONICA: No, I'm meeting two hookers over at Logan's later. Keith, heading for the kitchen, pauses in surprise and turns to stare at her. KEITH: On a school night? VERONICA: Off-peak hours. Save a few bucks. Keith isn't sure how serious she is. KEITH: You're not really. VERONICA: Fiona and Lizette. They're just a couple of gals putting themselves through college. Keith stares at her, genuinely concerned. Veronica grins and gets up from the chair to go to her room. VERONICA: Man, quit bringing me down with your bourgeois hang-ups. Keith chuckles uncertainly. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - NIGHT. Veronica and Logan enter the suite. Veronica has a bag of take-out food. LOGAN: Hey, should we have gotten more for the hookers? Logan shuts the door behind them as Veronica digs in the bag and pulls out a hamburger. She passes it to Logan. VERONICA: As I understand it, they prefer the term "escorts." LOGAN: Hmm. She gets out her burger, throwing the bag on the ottoman and they sit on the couch, facing each other. VERONICA: So, have you...ever been with one? LOGAN: An escort? VERONICA: Yeah. LOGAN: Do we really want to go there? VERONICA: I guess we don't have to now. LOGAN: Come on, that wasn't me answering the question. VERONICA: It kinda was. Logan gives a dismissive, high-pitched laugh. LOGAN: No, it wasn't. That was me knowing there's a land mine and trying to figure out where to put my foot. VERONICA: Well, I guess you picked your spot. Look, why not dispel any romantic notions? If we see each other, warts and all, and still like each other, that's a real connection. LOGAN: Well, maybe I enjoy my romantic notions. Maybe I don't care to see any warts, you know, yours or mine. Now you see, you're smiling, all right, so I think it's all fun and safe, but it's a slippery slope from "Have you ever been" to "How many" and "How often." VERONICA: So you've been with multiple hookers on several occasions. LOGAN: I'm not having this conversation with you. Logan turns his body away from her. Further discussion is forestalled by a knock at the door. Veronica gets up to answer it. It's Max. Veronica, with her mouth full, just steps aside to let Max in. Logan, also chewing, stands. VERONICA: Logan, Max. Max, Logan. Logan nods and smirks at Max. Veronica takes another bite of her hamburger as Max stands there, increasingly uncomfortable under Logan's gaze. MAX: Yeah, I-I didn't know she was a hooker at the time that- LOGAN: No one's judging, man. Logan smiles. Cut to later. Sense and Sensibility is playing on the television. ELINOR DASHWOOD: As you know, we are looking for a new home. And when we leave, we shall be able to retain only Thomas and Betsy. Veronica and Logan are sitting at one end of the couch, watching. Max is in the corner where the L-shaped couch turns. Veronica looks towards the suite's door anxiously. She checks the time on her phone and sighs impatiently. Logan notices. LOGAN: What, you think hookers are known for their punctuality? MAX: Where's your bathroom? Logan points in the direction of the bedroom. As he goes, there's a knock at the door. Veronica gets to her feet, followed quickly by Logan. LOGAN: It's wrong that I'm nervous, right? Veronica smiles and heads for the door. Logan precedes her as she waits behind him. Logan turns to check that she's ready. She nods, he nods back, and then opens the door. A girl in a deep-V-necked, glittering top and tight hip-hugging miniskirt smiles brightly. LIZETTE: Hey, there. She holds out her hand to be kissed. LIZETTE: I'm Lizette. LOGAN: Hello. Welcome to my place. Logan stands aside for her to enter. LIZETTE: Thank you. She's happily concentrating on him and it takes a moment for her to see Veronica. LIZETTE: Oh! Well, hey, there, to you, too. I'm totally up for it, guys, but, um, it's gonna cost you extra, right? Veronica frowns at her as Max appears behind her. MAX: That's not her. It's Lizette's turn to frown. VERONICA: Sorry, Lizette. Looks like we're gonna have to reschedule. Pay the girl, Max. LOGAN: If we're paying her anyway... VERONICA: Honey? Veronica shakes her heads at Logan. Max hands Lizette an envelope, putting the smile back on her face. MAX: Sorry, I was looking for someone else. She snatches it and shrugs. LIZETTE: I'll live. She spins round and heads for the door. LOGAN: This is just wasteful. Logan opens the door for her. LOGAN: Thanks. At the door is another girl, about to knock. Lizette leaves and the second girl smiles. FIONA: Hey, there. I'm Fiona. Max gasps. MAX: Chelsea. Fiona/Chelsea looks into the room and is stunned to see Max. FIONA/CHELSEA: Oh, my God. Max, is that you?! She runs to him and they hug tightly. FIONA/CHELSEA: Oh, my God! Logan and Veronica watch. Logan beams. Cut to a little later. Sense and Sensibility is still playing. Fiona/Chelsea and Max are paying no attention as they make out on the short end of the L-shaped sofa. Veronica looks over at them and sighs. Logan leans in to grab some popcorn out of the microwave bag on her lap. LOGAN: [softly, to Veronica] This is nice. We should hang out with your friends more. [louder, to Fiona/Chelsea] So, Fiona, where are you from, originally? Fiona breaks off from kissing Max. FIONA/CHELSEA: Uh, actually, um, this is a bit awkward, but my name is really Wendy. MAX: Really? Wendy. I like it. They start kissing again. VERONICA: You guys need a refill...or a room? MAX: We're good. Thanks. Max is happy to ignore Logan and Veronica and carry on kissing, but Wendy has better manners and breaks off. WENDY: Oh, sorry. I guess we're being pretty rude. It's just...I never thought I'd see Max again. VERONICA: I bet. WENDY: God, I was such a girl when he dropped me off at the airport, all misty and dramatic. MAX: I missed the misty? Max laughs. WENDY: When he was leaving, I felt this rush. I thought about everything that led to that moment. Um, all the choices that I made that got me to that exact spot, that exact time...how, if I made different ones, I could be with this sweet guy who was dropping me off at the airport, all teary-eyed. Max blusters. MAX: Well, I-I mean...I wasn't teary-eyed. Wendy nods to contradict him with a smile. MAX: I hadn't slept much, and, you know, my eyes were... WENDY: Hmm. They start kissing again. There's a knock at the door. VERONICA: Three to one, Dick forgot his key card again. LOGAN: Hmm. VERONICA: Takers? Logan reaches for the popcorn and takes the bag out of Veronica's lap so she can get the door. She opens it and looks at the guest with horror. Madison Sinclair looks back at her with disdain. VERONICA: Madison. MADISON: Oh. It's you. So, are you and Logan, like, dating again, or are you hotel staff? Without waiting to be invited, Madison struts into the suite. Veronica gives a fake laugh. VERONICA: Did somebody order a PSE? Dick's not here. MADISON: Hey, Logan. Logan looks up. He's not thrilled to see Madison. LOGAN: Hey. MADISON: So, uh, what are you kids up to tonight? Logan looks over at Max and Wendy. LOGAN: Oh, same old, same old. MADISON: Well, this looks like super fun, but I should probably go do something that doesn't suck. She spins on her heel, passing Veronica to get to the door. She looks back. MADISON: [sarcastically] Don't party too hard, you guys. Veronica shuts the door behind her and walks back into the room, breathing fire. WENDY: Friend of yours? VERONICA: No, Madison is pretty much the physical embodiment of all things I loathe. If Dick starts dating her again, you're gonna need to get a different roommate. Logan doesn't respond. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith slides back the door of his wardrobe and reaches in. He pulls out something hanging in a suit bag. Cut to a few moments later when he's dressed. He's wearing his old uniform, considering his appearance in front of a mirror. Veronica arrives at the door to his room. VERONICA: Morning. Whatcha doing? KEITH: Just getting dressed for work. VERONICA: Wait. You're missing something. She disappears only to return with a portable CD player that she hands him with a flourish. VERONICA: Now, remember, when you rip off the breakaway pants, thrust your pelvis toward the bachelorette, okay? She illustrates. VERONICA: It's her special day. Veronica walks off. Keith looks at the player then drops it down to his side. He turns back to the mirror and sighs. INT - NORDHOUSE RESIDENCE - DAY. Claire, her hair grown out enough to look like a short cut, opens the door to her apartment and is immediately worried by the sight before her. KEITH: Claire Nordhouse? CLAIRE: Uh... KEITH: Mind if I ask you a few questions? Fern appears at Claire's side. FERN: I'm sorry. What is this about? KEITH: Just a few questions, ma'am. Do you mind if I come in? Keith doesn't wait for an invitation, pushing past them both into the flat. KEITH: You're Fern Delgado? FERN: Yeah. What are you doing here? Fern shuts the door behind him. Claire and Fern stay by the door as Keith turns to face them. KEITH: Oh, just following upon some things from the night Cyrus O'Dell died. CLAIRE: The dean? KEITH: Right. Dean O'Dell. The night he died, someone egged his office. FERN: [scoffs] So that's a crime now. KEITH: Always has been. So, you did it? FERN: I didn't say that. KEITH: Okay, well, I am. I'm saying you girls egged the dean's office the same night you were out egging the Lampoon office and various other campus hotspots. So I'd like to ask you a few questions about it. CLAIRE: So, what? You think a few eggs -- and I'm not saying we threw them -- made the dean up and kill himself? Keith takes a step towards them. KEITH: Actually, we believe the dean was murdered. The girls glance at each other in shock. KEITH: So, what I think is that you guys were in the area when this happened. You were known to carry a grudge against the man. CLAIRE: Hold on. We didn't kill anyone. KEITH: Who's "we"? Who else was on this little egg adventure? FERN: It was just us. KEITH: Just the two of you. No one else? CLAIRE: And...Nish. FERN: No she wasn't. Nish was not with us when we egged the dean's office. KEITH: But she was with you when you egged the Lampoon office and the statue. Interesting. So, where was she? Fern sighs. Keith gets more aggressive. KEITH: When you were outside his office, throwing eggs at his window, where was your friend Nish? The girls look at each other, as if to decide something. Keith wags a finger at them. KEITH: Don't look at each other and don't you dare lie. Where'd she go? Would you rather talk at the station, with your lawyer? Nish emerges from the room next to the kitchen. NISH: What, are you kidding? Keith turns around to face Nish. NISH: Mr. Mars? Is this some kind of a joke? He's not a cop. He used to be. He's a private eye. Do you two ever watch the news? KEITH: Nish, you were out egging buildings the night the dean died, but you weren't with them when they egged the dean's office. Where were you? NISH: First of all, I don't have to say anything. And second of all, I'm pretty sure what you're doing right now is illegal. But I'll tell you. What the hell, I got nothing to hide. I went around and egged the dean's car. KEITH: His car. NISH: That Volvo that he loved so much. FERN: He says the dean was murdered. Nish stares at Keith, defiant, disbelieving, and thoughtful. EXT - NEPTUNE STREET - DAY. Music: "Yeah!" by the Golden Dogs. LYRICS: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Lamb pulls up at a junction, rocking to the music. A dark car pulls up beside him. He glances over and sees that Keith is the driver. He glances at him with indifference, not immediately noticing that Keith is wearing the uniform of the Neptune County Sheriff's Department. He finally does a double-take. Keith gives him a casual salute, checks the lights and drives off, leaving Lamb standing and befuddled. End music: "Yeah!" by the Golden Dogs. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLARK HALL, MAX'S ROOM - DAY. Max opens the door of his room to Veronica. VERONICA: I got your text. She walks in and sees some of Wendy's underwear on the bed. VERONICA: I take it your connection with Wendy has found an even higher plane? MAX: I want to hire you again. Make Wendy disappear. I guess she needs a new ID, a new name, someone to close out her old apartment. VERONICA: Max, you think maybe this is all too fast? I'll admit, I was surprised. She seemed to be really fond of you, but- Wendy, now looking like a college student, enters the rooms with a bag full of stuff. She sees Veronica. MAX: Veronica's gonna help us. WENDY: Oh, my God. Thank you. That's the thing about being a working girl. Easy to break into, not so easy to get out of. It's not like I'm one of the big earners, but I have this client, a judge. VERONICA: Ooh, a judge? Which one? WENDY: Cramer. VERONICA: No freaking way! My dad busted him for taking bribes, and the old bstrd still got re-elected. WENDY: He is the kinkiest out of all my clients. No sx, he just likes to sneak me into his office at the courthouse. Max listens with increasing discomfort. WENDY: All he wants to do is have tickle fights and walk around in my shoes. VERONICA: [disgusted] Och! Wendy glances at Max and senses his feelings. She looks down at the floor. Max does his best to recover. He puts his arm around her. MAX: Well, you don't have to worry about him stretching out your shoes anymore. She smiles and snuggles into his neck. WENDY: Mm-hmm. MAX: [to Veronica] Whatever it costs. Veronica nods. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - DAY. Logan responds to an urgent knock at the door. He smile fades as he sees the hooker standing there. She's one not seen before, with dark hair. She has a black eye and blood coming from her mouth. She puts her hand wearily against the doorframe. NICKI: Where's Wendy? Logan gazes at her in shock. Cut to later. Nicki is on the couch, a washcloth and what looks like a bag of frozen peas pressed to her eye. Wendy is sitting next to her. NICKI: If you don't come back with me and with a thousand dollars for your time last night, Mr. Happyfists is gonna play connect the bruises on me. Max, sitting the other side of Wendy, leans forward with determination. MAX: She's not going back. [to Wendy] We're getting you away from this. Veronica and Logan are sitting at the other end of the couch, quietly watching. NICKI: Yeah, please, get her away from this so I can get my ass kicked a little more. WENDY: [gently] Max, I have to go back. MAX: Let me talk to your pimp, explain things. I-I have a head for business. Nicki scoffs. NICKI: You'll end up with a head for a hood ornament. WENDY: There's no other way, Max. I have to go. It was a great night, wasn't it? Maybe my best night ever. Max reaches into his pocket and pulls out an envelope. MAX: This was supposed to be for paying you, but...it's a thousand, right? Nicki grabs the envelope. NICKI: Yeah, a thousand. MAX: Hey, we'll figure something out, okay? Wendy nods, close to tears. NICKI: Come on, Wendy. We got to go. Nicki grasps Wendy's arms and pulls her from the sofa. Max falls back against the corner, distraught. Cut to later still. Veronica, in Logan's bedroom, slowly open the door to the sitting area to reveal Max, still sitting on the couch. LOGAN: Is he still out there? Logan is sitting on the bed behind her. VERONICA: He hasn't moved. Logan sighs, completely fed up. LOGAN: That's it. I'm kicking him out. VERONICA: No, let me talk to him. Logan sighs again but complies, and closes the door behind her as she moves over to Max. She perches on the edge of the couch near him. VERONICA: You'll always have Comic-Con. Max looks at her but doesn't respond. VERONICA: For what little it's worth, I was totally wrong. You and Wendy do have something. You two are great together, and I'm sorry. She takes a deep breath. VERONICA: And this just plain sucks. Max just sighs. VERONICA: That was my useless speech. I will now busy myself by bringing you a glass of water. Veronica gets up and grabs the washcloth and peas from the table to take them with her. She looks down at them and pauses. She spins around. She takes another deep breath. VERONICA: Max? He looks up. She holds up the washcloth. It has a large purple splodge on it. MAX: So? She wears makeup. VERONICA: It's purple makeup. The bruise was a fake. You've been had. They duped you. Nicki didn't get worked over by her pimp. She and Wendy just conned you out of a grand. MAX: That's crazy. VERONICA: Crazy? She screws people for money, Max. That's what she does. Max is gutted. Veronica softens her approach and drops down onto the couch. VERONICA: I'm sorry. That wasn't- MAX: No, I'm an idiot. VERONICA: You're not. From where I stand, Wendy's the idiot. And now we must crush her. She ponders. VERONICA: How to make the happy hooker not so happy. Cut to later still. Veronica is on her cell phone. [SCENE_BREAK] VERONICA: Got it. Thanks. She finishes her call and waves her notebook, satisfied. VERONICA: Judge High Heels' home phone. LOGAN: This is a bad idea. VERONICA: It's blackmail. It's the go-to idea. In case of emergency, break glass or blackmail. LOGAN: Uh, excuse me if I can't get jazzed about my girlfriend extorting a judge. VERONICA: Look, I'm not doing a back handspring about it either, but I'm getting Max his thousand dollars back, and I'm taking away Wendy's best client. It works on so many levels. MAX: You don't have to do this. Logan glances back, knowing how wrong he is. VERONICA: I'll use your cell phone. They won't be able to trace the call back to me. As Max walks forward to hand over his phone, Logan sighs unhappily. Veronica makes the call. VERONICA: Judge Cramer. You don't know me, but I know a lot about you. No, really I do. I know you're a judge. I know you have a weekly date with a hooker at the courthouse and that you have a proclivity for high heels and tickling. All I need is a thousand dollars to keep quiet. Get a locker at the Neptune bus station. Leave the money. Call me with the locker number and passcode. You have twenty-four hours. Veronica ends the call abruptly and hands the phone back to Max. MAX: Well, I guess I should get out of your guys' hair, go mope around my dorm. Thank you. Max exits. Veronica walks towards Logan and puts her arms around his neck. VERONICA: I can't believe I had to blackmail a judge just to get some alone time with you. LOGAN: You really don't have to work that hard. VERONICA: Sure, I do. Logan gives her a brief a peck on the lips and smiles. And later still... Music: "A Thousand Kisses Deep" by Leonard Cohen. LYRICS: The ponies run, the girls are young The odds are there to beat You win a while, and then it's done Your little winning streak And summoned now to deal With your invincible defeat You live your life as if it's real, A thousand kisses deep I'm turning tricks, I'm getting fixed I'm back on Boogie Street You lose your grip, and then you slip Into the masterpiece And maybe I had miles to drive And promises to keep You ditch it all to stay alive, A thousand kisses deep And sometimes when the night is slow The wretched and the meek We gather up our hearts and go A thousand kisses deep Confined to sx, we pressed against The limits of the sea Veronica and Logan are in bed. Logan's arm is resting around Veronica's waist and she is pulled up against his body. VERONICA: You know, if I were a hooker, this snuggle would cost you. LOGAN: I'll gladly pay. VERONICA: Really? LOGAN: For this? Cash money. Veronica twist around to face him. VERONICA: But seriously, folks...have you? LOGAN: What? Ever been with a hooker? Veronica nods. LOGAN: Why does it matter? VERONICA: I just want to know. I assume the answer is yes. Look at it as an opportunity for me to show you how cool I can be. "Hooker? Who cares?" LOGAN: Well, here's your chance to be cool. Stop asking. VERONICA: I just want to get to a place with you where we can be really...intimate. LOGAN: That's what the female praying mantis says before she bites the male's head off. VERONICA: I'm just saying, buried secrets tend to surface when I'm around. Logan reaches out to briefly touch her face. LOGAN: Maybe that's because of all the digging, huh? VERONICA: I'm giving you the chance right now to come clean. You tell all. I tell all. Go from there. LOGAN: Hm, fine. Ask away. Ask anything you want. VERONICA: Have you ever been with a hooker? LOGAN: No. She smiles. He smiles and then laughs at her smile. VERONICA: You want to ask me anything? LOGAN: Have you ever been with a hooker? VERONICA: [impatiently] No. LOGAN: No. Logan sighs, gearing up for the next question. VERONICA: The night you were in Mexico with Mercer- LOGAN: Are you kidding me? This cuts him and he turns away from her to stare at the ceiling. VERONICA: How was he able to get back to Neptune, commit a rape, and return to Mexico without you knowing? Logan thinks. He sighs. LOGAN: Uh...I must have passed out. I don't know, it felt like a couple minutes, but it could have been hours. Although, maybe he drugged me or something. He turns back to her, although he still seems to be thinking about it. VERONICA: Your question. LOGAN: You can have my turn. Veronica smiles. VERONICA: Were you with anyone while we were broken up? LOGAN: Land mine. Veronica holds her breath. LOGAN: I fooled around with this horrible girl who meant less than nothing to me, and I couldn't regret it more. Veronica twists around to take her turn at staring at the ceiling. LOGAN: Thinking of it makes me ill. Logan also takes to staring at the ceiling. LOGAN: So, there. Presto. Intimacy. A long moment passes. LOGAN: [with dread] Still love me? A slow smile spreads across Veronica's face. VERONICA: Yes. Logan takes a deep breath of relief and looks over at her. They reach for each other and kiss deeply. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Veronica is eating a bowl of cereal. Her cell phone rings. End music: "A Thousand Kisses Deep" by Leonard Cohen. Veronica answers the phone. VERONICA: Hello. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLARK HALL, MAX'S ROOM - CONTINUING. Max is pacing in his room. MAX: Judge Cramer called. He dropped off the money. Feel like coming with me to pick it up? INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. Veronica grins. VERONICA: The pickup is the best part. I'll meet you in twenty minutes. Veronica grabs her bowl. INT - NEPTUNE BUS STATION - DAY. Veronica opens a locker as Max watches. The locker is empty except for a folded sheet of paper. Veronica takes it out of the locker and opens it out. It reads: "Go outside. Get in the limo. Or Wendy gets hurt." Veronica and Max share a worried look before hurrying out of the bus station. EXT - NEPTUNE BUS STATION - DAY. They walk out to see a long, black limo waiting. A man deserving of the credit writer's descriptive title, Imposing Guy, is waiting by the limo. When he sees them, he opens the door. Max walks towards him and gets in without hesitation. Veronica, on the other hand, hesitates on the wisdom of this action. IMPOSING GUY: Get in. His voice is deep and threatening, and Veronica actually trembles. She gets in. The limo, bearing the number WER9878, drives away. EXT - LIMO - DAY. The car pulls into a nearly empty car park by what looks like a train station. VERONICA: [offscreen] Okay, look, maybe calling the judge wasn't a great idea, but one of your girls ripped off my friend, and we were just trying to get his money back. INT - LIMO - DAY. The limo is the inverse of Doctor Who's Tardis - smaller on the inside than on the outside. Veronica and Max are sitting on a seat with their back to the driver. Imposing Guy is wedged between them, barely fitting in the car and crushing them both against the doors on either side. VERONICA: So, could you let us out of the car now? Lesson learned. Veronica has been addressing a large black man opposite, as wide as Imposing Guy is tall. HAPPY: Not me. Her. He nods at the woman next to him. VERONICA: Her? MADAME: Me. I'm the one who gets called when one of my girls does something dumb. VERONICA: You mean you're the- MADAME: I'm Wendy's agent. The man has Veronica's bags and pulls out the taser. He turns it on and the charge buzzes across it. HAPPY: I don't think this is street legal. What's the voltage on this? MADAME: [impatiently] Put it down, Happy. VERONICA: Wait, there really is a Mr. Happyfists? I thought that was just colourful language. MAX: Look, Wendy didn't do anything dumb, okay? I did. I called the judge. MADAME: I don't think you did. He said it was a girl's voice. And Wendy has done a bunch of dumb things. She fell for a client. This causes Max's brows to rise. MADAME: She tried to leave me without saying goodbye. She told a client about the judge. MAX: I'm sorry. Did you say she fell for a client? MADAME: She asked out. But there's a problem, you see. Wendy owes me money. Braces aren't cheap. Tattoo removal isn't cheap. Clothes and housing aren't cheap. Now, she could work it off- MAX: I'll pay. MADAME: You're a hell of a negotiator, Max. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The madame thinks for a moment. MADAME: Ten grand and a promise that you never talk to another one of my clients again. And next time, I won't go the makeup route with the bruises. She smiles at Veronica. MADAME: They're gonna be the real thing. VERONICA: Max, think about this. MAX: Fine. Ten grand. You want to run me by my bank? Veronica drops her head back against the seat, discouraged. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLARK HALL - DAY. Max and Veronica walk down the hallway, heading for Max's room. VERONICA: You just handed over a hundred hundred dollar bills. MAX: Yeah, I was there. VERONICA: And what guarantee do you have that- Max pulls to halt once round the corner. Veronica stops mid-sentence. Wendy is crouched by Max's door. She has her bags with her. She looks over and sees them. She stands, uncertain of her reception. Max runs to her and they hug. Veronica watches, her cynicism challenged once again. They kiss as Veronica watches. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Max is at one of the stands. He looks back, a goofy grin on his face and gives a little wave. Wendy, sitting at one of the tables with Veronica, waves back with a big smile on her face. VERONICA: That boy is smitten. WENDY: Yeah, isn't he great? VERONICA: Yeah, pretty great. So, what is the secret to making a guy fall for you like that? WENDY: Dumb luck...and interesting lingerie. Never underestimate the power of lingerie. WEEVIL: Yo, Veronica. Veronica looks up to see Weevil approaching the table, bursting with news. WEEVIL: I'm sorry. I got to tell somebody about this. You're never gonna guess what somebody tried to flush down the commode in the faculty lounge. Veronica shakes her head just as Weevil notices that she's not alone. WEEVIL: Hey, I-I know you. VERONICA: Weevil, this is Wendy. WEEVIL: Fiona, right? Max arrives at the table, behind and unnoticed by Weevil. WEEVIL: You used to dance at the Electric Lady. My buddy was a bouncer up there. WENDY: You must be thinking of someone else. WEEVIL: No, I don't think so. You have a tattoo, red dragon, left cheek. Am I right? VERONICA: [sharply] Weevil, you got the wrong girl. Weevil is about to argue, but one look at Veronica's face stops him. He looks back, sees Max, and finally gets it. WEEVIL: Yeah, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry about that. See you around, V. Max and Wendy share an uncomfortable glance. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith walks into Veronica's room, carrying the police report into O'Dell's death. Veronica, reading and curled up on her bed, looks up. VERONICA: Man, you just love that report. KEITH: Your buddy Nish said specifically that she egged the dean's Volvo, but according to the report, the dean was driving the minivan. That's the car they found in the parking lot. VERONICA: So, Nish is lying? KEITH: Or maybe the dean's Volvo was also there. Keith sits down on the bed. KEITH: That's the car Mindy was driving that night. Maybe she paid a visit to her husband. VERONICA: Why wouldn't she mention that to you? KEITH: That's exactly what I'm wondering. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLARK HALL, MAX'S ROOM - DAY. Music: "Wheels" by Mark Lanegan. LYRICS: Light ahead, proves that the wheels broke down Here I am, still hangin' on Well alright Shadows only disappear Just look around there's no one here A little spirit turned my light on out and now Can never be no doubt I'm gonna wait til the stars come down My little love smiles on a wing For all a raindrop and tears not wasted there Been pourin' down all day Runnin' round catchin' 'em baby Run around catchin' 'em baby Whichever way they fall Won't stop lovin' you baby Whichever way you go Oh yeah Here I am Here I am Just runnin' round catchin' 'em Whichever way they fall All night long Max is sitting in his armchair, reading. One foot is up on the desk chair between Wendy's legs. She is painting his toenails. She pauses and looks up at him. WENDY: Are you okay? MAX: Yeah. Why? WENDY: You've just been quiet. That's all. MAX: It's just-it's just, I have to have this read by Tuesday. WENDY: Yeah, that's fine. She gives a nervous little laugh. He goes back to his reading, but with it preying on his mind, he looks up at her instead. MAX: There was a dragon on your purse the first time we met. I guess you're a fan of dragons. WENDY: [sadly] Yeah. I like dragons. Further discourse is halted by a knock on the door. Brian walks in. Fred is with him. Brian stops short on seeing the scenario before him and looks back at Fred. They snigger. Brian looks back at Max. BRIAN: Uh, Stewpot warning. He's sniffing around. MAX: Thanks. WENDY: Who's Stewpot? BRIAN: Stewart Potter, our RA. I think he saw you with the bags. He can be a pain. WENDY: Thanks for letting me hang out. It will just be a couple days. I just need to find a place, get a job. BRIAN: I might actually know of a job. WENDY: Really? FRED: Yeah, that's what we came to see you about. BRIAN: My older brother is getting married next Saturday, and the guy organising his bachelor party has this really uptight wife, so they didn't book a stripper. Wendy's face falls in disappointment. BRIAN: We're scrambling to get someone. Um, it should be a good gig. They're all, like, lawyers. MAX: [angrily] Hey, dudes! That's my girl you're talking to. WENDY: And I'm retired, actually. BRIAN: Of course. Of course. I'm sorry. I didn't know what the story was. It's cool. We can find somebody else. Brian and Fred hurry out. Wendy sits with her head hanging down as Max puts down his book. MAX: Do you mind if I ask you a question? WENDY: Probably. But go ahead. MAX: When I dropped you off at the airport and you said you left all your information back at the hotel? I got back and the room was clean. So, I guess my question is, uh, did-did you really leave it for me? He swallows hard. MAX: Was it really there? With tears welling in her eyes, Wendy shakes her head. WENDY: No. Max nods. WENDY: But I really wish I left it. This doesn't assuage Max's feelings. It's all too much and he makes an excuse. MAX: I think I'm gonna take a walk. He walks out of the room. A tear trickles down Wendy's cheek. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - DAY. End music: "Wheels" by Mark Lanegan. Veronica is working behind the help desk. Max arrives. MAX: I haven't paid you yet. I don't want you to come collecting. VERONICA: If it isn't the Man of La Mancha. How's tricks? Veronica realises her poor choice of words. VERONICA: Sorry. I mean things. How are things? MAX: Things? They suck. Wendy left. The upside? I actually got a note this time. She said it wasn't gonna work out. VERONICA: You bought her out of prostitution, and she left you? Please tell me you don't want me to find her again. MAX: No, no. I think she may be right. She said, uh, what'd she say? She said, uh... He pulls a note out of his back pocket and reads it. MAX: "The-the day we met was one of the best days of my life. I-I fell for you that day, but you didn't know what I was then, and now you do and it shows in the way you look at me. It shows in the way you touch me but I'll never regret it. You made me realise what I was missing. Love, Wendy." VERONICA: Ten thousand is a lot to pay for a life lesson. MAX: She's gonna pay me back as soon as she can, Veronica. Veronica can't believe his faith in her. VERONICA: Max, please don't get your hopes up. Max pulls out a large stuffed envelope and slaps it down on the counter. MAX: She already paid me a thousand. Veronica opens the envelope. It is full of money. MAX: She made some good money last night. I hope you don't mind getting your money in vertically folded singles. Veronica sighs at the implication of how Wendy is making her money. She comes round to his side of the counter. VERONICA: Oh, Max. She puts her arm around him. INT - LINGERIE SHOP - DAY. Veronica walks through the shop carrying a couple of teddies on hangers. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I heard it from a pro. Lingerie. Maybe I should get into the spirit of doing things normal girlfriends do. I should make more of an effort to please my man. First comes sexy underthings. She lays them on the counter, a little nervously. She is startled by the sound of a hateful voice as Madison comes out of one of the dressing rooms near the counter. MADISON: Um, do you have the thigh-highs with the seams up the back? VERONICA: I think I saw some between the pasties and the edible underwear. MADISON: You know, it's kind of smart of you to raid the sale rack like that. It's almost a waste for me to spend all this money on something that will be ripped right off of me. VERONICA: If you're trying to get Dick back, I don't think you have to work that hard. Seriously, a hefty bag and some duct tape, and he'd be good to go. Madison scoffs. MADISON: Dick? Please. VERONICA: You came over. I figured... MADISON: Oh, Logan and I hooked up in Aspen over the holidays. I guess you two were split, huh? I was in town and thought he might have some free time, but, oh, well. Oh, and, as a friend, he's not so big on the one-piece numbers. Madison walks off, having enjoyed every second of the encounter. Veronica looks close to throwing up. End.	Plan: A: A classmate; Q: Who asks Veronica to locate the woman he loves? A: Veronica; Q: Who asks Logan some difficult relationship questions? A: a sex worker; Q: What is the woman Veronica finds is revealed to be? A: the Lilith House girls; Q: Who does Keith visit to continue his investigation of Dean O'Dell's murder? A: three; Q: How many Lilith House girls were in Dean O'Dell's office at the time of his murder? A: unknown assailants; Q: Who egged Dean O'Dell? Summary: A classmate asks Veronica to locate the woman he loves; she is later revealed to be a sex worker. Keith continues his investigation of Dean O'Dell's murder by visiting the Lilith House girls. Veronica asks Logan some difficult relationship questions, and learns he had sex with someone else while they were split up but accepts it. Keith learns that three of the Lilith House girls were in the area of the Dean's office around the time of his murder, which was egged by unknown assailants.
Outside the school. Sean is flipping through some newspapers Sean: We're on the front page of some. Isn't that cool? Ellie: Yeah it's Monday and they are still writing about the shooting. Mr. Raditch: (to reporters) Today is a day of reflection. Counselors will be available. Student's can talk, express their feelings. After which it's important that we get things back to normal. Rachel Rhodes: Sean Cameron! If I could just talk to you for two minutes on camera!? Ellie: Come on Sean. Rachel: Your boyfriend's a hero. All I want to know is what it feels like. (People are standing around looking and pointing at Sean.) Sean: Um, I guess I'm about to find out. In the gymnasium. A circle of students are sitting with Ms. Sauvé Paige: I feel totally helpless. What if Jimmy never recovers? What if he never walks again? Ms. Sauvé: Jimmy needs help. You can give him that. In Mr. Simpson's class Mr. Simpson: There's no excuse. None for what Rick did, but labeling him a monster is not gonna help us understand why it happened. Toby: Rick was bullied, really bad. Craig: Come on Toby, don't make Rick the victim. Toby: I'm not. Just think how he must have felt. Mr. Simpson: Do you ever feel that desperate? That angry? You need to talk to an adult before it reaches a crisis point. Toby: What if nobody listens? Mr. Simpson: Then keep trying. Somebody will. Craig: So what? We're supposed to rat? Mr. Simpson: It's not about getting people in trouble Craig. It's about getting them and you out of trouble. Back in the gymnasium Marco: (holding a white mask against his face) I am shaken. I want to turn back time. I need...I need to believe that life's better than this. Ms. Sauve: Thank you Marco. Okay, who's next? Sean. Let's hear from you. Just repeat the three phrases. I am. I want. I need. Go ahead. Sean: (reluctantly putting up the mask) I am Sean Cameron. I want some chocolate milk and I need this stupidity to be over. Ms. Sauve: Fine, no mask, but I'd still like to hear from you. Sean: I was faced with a situation. I dealt with it. End of story. Ms. Sauve: It's perfectly normal for those who witness violence to have feelings of guilt Sean. Sean: Guilt? I stopped Rick from killing people. I sleep like a baby. Ms. Sauve: But someone did die, Sean. Rick. Sean: Luck of the draw. (he gets up and leaves) In Mr. Simpson's class, Sean knocks on the door Mr. Simpson: Sean. Come on in. Glad you're here today and that you're not going through this alone. Sean: Through what? The bullet missed me. Mr. Simpson: Everyone's talking about what a hero you are. Hey I'm in the uh 'Sean's a hero camp' myself, but you were involved in something horrible. I hope your friends understand that. Sean: Everyone's been great Mr. S. Mr. Simpson: Are you letting yourself deal? (Emma comes rushing in crying.) Emma: Dad I can't take it. Everyone's staring at me everywhere I go! (Emma grabs Sean and hugs him, still crying.) Emma: Sean. Sean. I never got to say you saved my life. You saved my life. Mr. Simpson: We all need some closure Sean. That's what today is all about. Outside the school Alex: It's only an hour Jay. Jay: Sixty minutes of Sauvé going blah, blah, blah it's okay to cry. Right. Alex: You may not need to talk about what happened, but I do. Jay: Yeah well just watch what you do talk about! Ellie: You didn't try. Sean: Masks?! Ellie come on. Rachel: So do an interview. You know I'm putting together a piece on you Sean. Ellie: Do what you want. We don't get cable. Rachel: Sean's mom does. I interviewed her yesterday. She had a lot to say. (They watch the interview with on a computer in the news van.) Mrs. Cameron: Well Sean's had his share of problems, but nothing compared with this kid. Rachel: So did it come as a surprise to you when you heard Sean was a hero? Mrs. Cameron: Well he always was a strong boy. No fear. And that used to get him into trouble all the time, but it sounds like it saved him his life this time. Rachel: He saved a lot of lives. Mrs. Cameron: (she starts to cry) Yeah. I'm sorry, I just can't stop thinking what if that kid had shot my Sean?! What if I never got to see my baby again?! Oh god. I miss him. I love him so much! (Emma walks over to Jay by his car where he's blasting the radio.) Jay: Just running the battery green peace. Pollution free. Emma: It's noise pollution. But that's not why I'm here. Have you seen Sean? (Jay nods towards the news van.) Emma: He's talking to her?! (Sean walks out and smashes the computer on the ground.) Rachel: Sean they clearly love you. Sean: I'm full of love today. Jay: Woah buddy. Sean: Shut up. Move. I'm driving. Get in. Ellie: Just calm down. Sean: No. You wanted me to express myself. This is me expressing myself. Emma, you coming or what?! (They all get in the car.) Jay: So where to Bam Bam? Sean: Wasaga Beach. Home. At the basketball courts Toby: JT. Danny. JT: Hi. Danny: Bye. Toby: Um I just got Draco's Quest 2 if you guys ever want to play. JT: Trying to cut down. Toby: I was there JT! So what do you want me to say? Ok, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you became friends with a psycho! You knew what Rick was like. Toby: I didn't know he was gonna bring a gun to school. JT: Really?! In Wasaga Beach, a montage of people on the beach having fun, then it shows the car pulling up to Sean's parent's house Jay: Is it a house? Is it a lunchbox? Sean: It's where I was born! Ellie: Maybe you should cool off a bit. Sean: We've been driving for two hours. I'm cool. Ellie: You're not. Emma: Let him go Ellie. He should have done this years ago. (Sean walks up to the door and starts banging on it.) Mrs. Cameron: Hold your horses I'm coming. Alright! Sean! I heard what happened... Sean: Yeah I know. That was quite the performance. Oh I miss my baby. What if I never get to see him again?! Oh I love him. Boo hoo. Mrs. Cameron: Oh Sean. Sean: Next interview try telling them the truth. Like how you gave up on me, how you booted me out of your life. Stop playing the poor abandoned mother role because nobody's buying it. Especially not me! (She nods, walks back inside and closes the door.) At the beach (Jay and Sean have buried Ellie and Emma in the sand.) Ellie: It's like a mud bath, but it's cold and sandy and it kind of smells like fish. Ew. (Emma tries to get out of the sand.) Jay: Yo, Cameron! Sprout's getting loose! (Sean looks up at a guy on a skidoo.) Jay: Who you checking out? All I see is some guy. Sean: It's Tyler Bishop. Emma: He's the kid you deafened. Sean: In one ear. Idiot jumped me. Thought he was tough. I was tougher. Jay: So he got half deaf while you got sent to Toronto, to Tracker, to student welfare? If you ask me, I'd say this guy owes you. At Jimmy's locker, flowers, cards and pictures are on the ground Manny: I didn't know Jimmy had so many friends. Toby: Jody Matenco(sp?), Heather Sinclair...A lot of these are from strangers. Manny: Really? Toby: People that don't even know Jimmy care about him. My own friends won't talk to me. (Manny puts her hand on his shoulder.) Toby: I have to go to Rick's visitation tonight but I can't face his mom. Manny: What about JT? Toby: What about him? [SCENE_BREAK] On the beach, at the skidoo renting place Jay: So uh what's it gonna cost to rent one of these things. You know (talking in a deaf person's voice) 'one of these things'?! Tyler: (grabs Sean and tries to hit him) I never thought you'd be stupid enough to come back here Cameron! Ellie: Stop it! Stop it okay! Tyler: Papers think he's some kind of hero. Wrestling gunslingers. Sean: Didn't know you could read. Tyler: Saw your picture. Recognized the eyebrows. Pissed? Go on. Sucker punch me in the other ear and flee town. That's your move isn't it? Sean: Let's go. Tyler: Or do you kill and run these days? Cause the kid died this time. Didn't he hero? (Sean goes to punch him but Jay holds him back.) Tyler: Sixty bucks, sixty minutes. Free for you trailer park boy. Wouldn't want to take your lunch money...again! Down on the beach Ellie: So that was fun. Meeting Tyler. Sean: Good times. Ellie: Got a lot off his chest. Sean- Sean: What?! Ellie: Your stories don't really mesh. Sean: So you believe him? Ellie: I don't know what to believe ok?! I am trying to understand what you're going through but you won't even talk to me! Sean: You want me to talk?! Fine! When the gun went off, my hand was covered in warm liquid. I thought I pissed myself, but then I realized that I was drenched with Rick's blood. And then, and then when he fell...- Ellie: Sean... Sean: No! Ellie: Sean! Sean: You're not doing this to me! Ellie: Sean. (Sean speeds off on the skidoo and flips over it falling into the water. He is floating facedown in the water.) Ellie: Sean! (Tyler speeds off on a skidoo, pulls Sean out of the water and brings him back onto the beach.) Ellie: Sean! Sean! Emma: Sean wake up! (Sean wakes up coughing.) Sean: What happened? Ellie: You nearly drowned. Tyler saved your life. (Sean looks up at Tyler and they both nod.) Outside of the school Manny: JT! JT: Manny, how are you? Manny: I'm alright. Better than a certain best friend of yours. JT: Ex best friend. That was before he joined forces with Hellboy, who I know is a superhero but whatever. Danny: Toby's a geek. He always has been. Manny: Okay, you out-geek them all James Tiberius York, but Toby was always there for you. JT: Tiberius is a family name alright?! Manny: If you hadn't ditched him for Webster here he would have never hooked up with Rick. JT: And you're lecturing me on ditching people hmm. Manny: Now I remember why we broke up. You just can't be the bigger man. (Manny walks away and Danny is about to say something.) JT: Don't say it. Back on the beach Emma: Sean. Maybe you need to see a doctor? Sean: I'm fine. Just thinking. Emma: About what? Sean: Emma I'm sorry. Emma: For what? Sean: For last year you know? For everything I put you through. Everything. I'm sorry. Emma: Ancient history. So maybe we should get going huh? Sean: We got a pit stop to make first. At Sean's parent's house (Sean knocks on the door.) Mr. Cameron: Door! Mrs. Cameron: You got legs don't ya?! (They both walk outside.) Mr. Cameron: So uh how long till the cops get here? Mrs. Cameron: No. No, Sean wait. Don't please. Just ignore him. He didn't mean it. Sean: I'm here with friends dad. That's all. Mr. Cameron: It's been over four years. No calls, no nothing. Now here you are? Expect us to believe it's just for kicks?! Mrs. Cameron: What I said to that reporter lady it wasn't lies. I can't cry on cue Sean. I mean we made a lot of mistakes, but sending you to Toronto that was the best thing we ever did. How else was I gonna keep you out of jail?! Sean: I know. Mr. Cameron: So why you back? Sean: That kid at school. He was gonna shoot my friend... so I grabbed the gun and it went off. (Sean starts to cry and his parents hug him) I think... I think I might have, I might have killed him. I might have killed him. He's dead! He's dead! Mr. Cameron: It's okay kid. It's alright. You're home. We got you. Mrs. Cameron: It's alright. Mr. Cameron: It'll be alright. At Rick's funeral Toby: I can't do this. Manny: It's, it's okay. We can just leave. Mrs. Murray: Toby! You came! (She hugs him) You were always such a good friend. Such a good friend. JT: (walks in) Mrs. Murray, I just wanted to say I'm very sorry for what happened. Mrs. Murray: You were a friend of Rick's? JT: It was a tragedy. I'm very sorry. Mrs. Murray: (she hugs him) Thank you. Thank you. JT: It doesn't matter what I thought of Rick. It still shouldn't have happened. Back at Sean's parent's house Sean: I told them everything. Ellie: Let's get you out of here. Sean: Ellie. Look I don't know how- Ellie: You're, you're staying aren't you?! Sean please. I love you. Sean: I love you too... but Ellie. Ellie: When are you coming back?! Jay: Yo Cameron get in the car. Sean: Staying! I'm staying. Look for the first time in my life I need to be here with my parents, to deal. Jay: You sure about this? Okay man. See you. (They hug) (Ellie is crying and Emma is watching Sean through the window of the car as they drive off.) Scenes for next week Craig: There's nothing going on with me and Ash. We're friends. Jimmy: (smiling in a hospital bed) Okay. Voiceover: The band hits a low note when Craig asks Ashley to join them. Ashley: I can see us going really far. The band, I mean. Craig: Love songs are brutal. (Craig and Ashley are kissing.) Craig: (to the camera) Especially when you're in love. Craig: Ashley and I... we're, we're back! Marco: We have to fire her. Spinner: Either she goes or we do ok? Cause it's not working.	Plan: A: a hero; Q: What has Sean become in the aftermath of the school shooting? A: TV; Q: Where is Sean's mother interviewed? A: Ellie; Q: Who is Sean's mother's daughter? A: Wasaga Beach; Q: Where does Sean go to confront his past? A: Toby; Q: Who wants to go to Rick's funeral but is shunned by J.T. and Danny? Summary: In the aftermath of the school shooting, Sean has become a hero. When his mother is interviewed on TV, he, Emma, Ellie, and Jay go to Wasaga Beach so he can confront his past. Meanwhile, Toby wants to go to Rick's funeral but finds himself shunned by J.T. and Danny.
Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. A castle in Cortona, Italy, 1418. Cut inside. Carlo is standing by a window looking into the room. Moloch: Carlo, caro mio. Translation: Carlo, my dear one. Carlo comes into the room and over to Moloch. He kneels. Moloch steps over to him and puts his hand on his head. The camera pans up to Moloch's demonic face. Moloch: Mi ami? Ti daro' tutto. Tutto quello che desidero e' il tuo amore. Translation: Do you love me? I can give you everything. All I want is your love. Carlo: Tu hai il mio amore. Translation: You have my love. Moloch growls and quickly twists Carlo's head, snapping his neck. Cut to a church. Cut inside. The priest Thelonius is talking to a group of monks bearing torches. Thelonius: E fuori. E il diavolo, Molocco. E fuori nel mondo, facendo tante cose male. Abbiamo bisogno di fare il circolo. Translation: He's out. It is the devil, Moloch. He is out in the world, doing such bad things. We need to form the circle. (Transcriber's note: in this part there is a big difference between the subtitles from the episode and what was actually said, so the subtitles are included below.) Subtitles: It is Moloch. The Corrupter. He walks again. More and more people have fallen under his mesmerizing power. There is still time to bind him. We must form the circle. The monks gather around him as he opens a large book. Cut to a shot from above. The pages of the book are blank. Thelonius: Per potere di questo circolo di Kayless... Translation: By the power of the circle of Kayless... Cut to Moloch. He smiles as he straightens up and lets Carlo's body fall. His expression changes when he realizes something is wrong, and he looks up. Moloch: No! Cut back to the church. Thelonius: Per potere di questo circolo di Kayless, ti commando! Vieni! Translation: By the power of the circle of Kayless, I command you! Come! Cut to Moloch. He begins to scream angrily. Cut to the Church. Thelonius: Ti commando! Vieni! Translation: I command you! Come! Cut to Moloch. He screams even more loudly in terror. Cut to the Church. Thelonius: VIENI! Translation: COME! Cut to Moloch. He continues to scream. Suddenly he bursts into millions of tiny particles. Cut to the Church. The particles fall into the book as the camera follows them down. Thelonius: Vieni, demonio! Vieni! Translation: Come, demon! Come! As the particles fall into the book an ancient script appears. When the pages are filled, Thelonius closes the book. He steps over to a table and puts the book into a heavy wooden box. Thelonius: Preghiamo che questo libro e' mai letto piu'... Translation: Pray that this accursed book is never again read... Cut to a shot of the priest from inside the box. Thelonius: Che il demonio Molocco e' mai lasciato piu' fuori nel mondo. Translation: Lest the Demon Moloch be loosed upon the world. He puts the lid on the box. Centuries later the lid is lifted off of the box, and Buffy looks in. Buffy: (sarcastically) Oh, great! A book! Cut to the library. A book-scanning project is going on, and Willow and a few other computer science students are seated at the table, scanning the books into the library's computer system. Buffy pulls the book out of the box and blows some of the dust off of it. Giles: Oh, uh, I, uh... haven't gone through the new arrivals. Uh, put it in, uh, (points with his book) in, in that pile. Dave: Here, I'll get it. He gets up from his computer. Buffy: Oh, thanks, Dave. The Willow pile. Dave takes the book from Buffy and goes over to the pile of books next to Willow. Giles: Uh, when I've examined it, you can, uh, uh, skim it. Ms. Calendar: Scan it, Rupert. That's scan it. Giles: (gives her a look) Of course. Ms. Calendar: Oh, I know, our ways are strange to you, but soon you will join us in the 20th century. With three whole years to spare! Giles: Ms. Calendar, I'm sure your computer science class is fascinating, but I happen to believe that one can survive in modern society without being a slave to the, um, idiot box. Ms. Calendar: That's TV. The idiot box is TV. This (indicates a computer) is the good box! Giles: I still prefer a good book. Fritz: The printed page is obsolete. (stands up) Information isn't bound up anymore. It's an entity. The only reality is virtual. If you're not jacked in, you're not alive. (grabs his books and leaves) Ms. Calendar: Thank you, Fritz, for making us all sound like crazy people. (to Giles) Fritz, Fritz comes on a little strong, but he does have a point. You know, for the last two years more e-mail was sent than regular mail. Giles: Oh... Ms. Calendar: More digitized information went across phone lines than conversation. Giles: That is a fact that I regard with genuine horror. Ms. Calendar: I'll bet it is. (to the students) Alright, guys, let's wrap it up for today. Willow: I've just got a few more. I'll hang for a bit. Ms. Calendar: Cool! Thanks! Xander grabs his bag and pulls it onto his shoulder. Willow: Xander, you wanna stay and help me? Xander: Are you kidding? Willow: Yes, it was a joke I made up. Xander: Willow, I love you, but bye! (leaves) Willow: (calls after him) See you tomorrow! Xander: Buffy, wait up! Giles: I'm, I'm just gonna stay and clean up a little. I'll, uh, I'll be back in the middle ages. Ms. Calendar: Did you ever leave? Giles stops and looks back. Ms. Calendar is pleased with his reaction to her comment. He continues up the stairs. Cut to later. Willow is alone in the library scanning the last book. She draws the scanner over the two pages, and they appear on the screen. As she types to save the scan the script in the book disappears. Willow closes the book, puts it in the pile with the others and leaves. The computer screen goes blank and Moloch's words appear. Moloch: Where am I? Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The hall at Sunnydale High School. Buffy runs to catch up with Willow as she slowly walks down the hall. Buffy: Willow! Willow, hey, wait up! (reaches her) Willow: Oh, Buffy, I didn't even see you. Buffy: Or hear me. What was up last night? I tried your line, like, a million times. Willow: Oh, I was, I was talking. Buffy: Talking to...? (no answer) Okay, that's it, you have a secret, and that's not allowed. Willow: Why not? (opens her locker) Buffy: 'Cause... there's a rule. Willow: Well, I sort of met someone. Buffy: I knew it! This is so important! When did you meet? Willow: Last week after we did the scanning project in the library? (closes her locker) Buffy: Does he go here? What's his name? Have you kissed him? What's he like? Willow: No, Malcolm, no, and very nice. Buffy: You are a thing of evil for not telling me this right away! Willow: Well, I wasn't sure there was anything to tell. But last night, oh! We talked all night, it was amazing. He's so smart, Buffy, and, and he's romantic, and we agree about everything! Buffy: (sighs) What's he look like? Willow: I don't know! She continues down the hall with a big smile on her face. Buffy is confused and stares after her a moment, then starts to follow. Cut to the computer lab. Fritz and Dave are there, typing away. Dave: (to the screen) Yes, I will. I promise. Willow and Buffy come in. Buffy: So, you've been seeing a guy, and you don't know what he looks like? Okay, this is a puzzle. No, wait, I'm good at these. Does it involve a midget and a block of ice? Willow: I met him on-line. Buffy: On line for what? Willow indicates a computer. Buffy: Oh! Ms. Calendar strides quickly into the room wearing dark glasses and holding a mug of coffee in one hand and her books in the other. Ms. Calendar: Morning, kids! Buffy turns to look at her. Ms. Calendar notices Buffy as she heads to her desk. She puts her mug down. Ms. Calendar: Buffy, are you supposed to be somewhere? (takes off her glasses) Buffy: No, I have a free. Ms. Calendar: Cool! But this is lab time, so let's make it a nice, short visit, okay? Buffy: Sure. PC: You have mail. Willow: It's him! (types to get the message) Message: I'm thinking of you. Willow: He's so sweet! Buffy: (nods) He's a sweetie. (smiles nervously) Willow: What should I write back? Buffy: Uh, Willow, I think it's really great that you have this cool pen pal, but don't you think you're kinda rushing all into this? Y'know what I mean? Willow: 'I'm thinking of you, too!' No, that's incredibly stupid! Buffy: Will, down girl! Let's focus here, okay? What do you actually know about this guy? Willow: Oh, see, I knew you'd react like this. Buffy: Like what? The camera closes in on the computer's video feed. Buffy: I just wanna make sure you're careful, that's all. Cut to the computer's view. Willow: Buffy... Buffy: He could be different than you think. The computer focuses closely on Buffy. Cut to an office. The computer on the desk suddenly comes on. The student records scroll by. It stops on Buffy's record and expands it. Cut to Fritz's PC in the lab. Buffy's record appears there. The camera pans over to Fritz as he studies her record. The screen goes blank and a message appears. Moloch: Watch her. Cut to Willow and Buffy. Willow: His name is Malcolm Black, he's eighteen, he lives in Elmwood, which is about eighty miles from here, and he likes me! Buffy: Short, tall, skinny, fat? Willow: Why does everything have to be about looks? Buffy: Not everything, but some stuff is. I mean, what if you guys get really, really intense, and then you find out that he... has... a hairy back? Willow: Well, no! Uh, he doesn't talk like somebody who would have a hairy back. And anyways, that stuff doesn't matter when you really care about each other. Maybe I'm not his ideal either. Buffy: Hey, I'm just trying to make sure that he's good enough for you. I think it's great that you met someone. Cut to Ms. Calendar at her desk. She gets up holding some papers and comes over to Fritz. Ms. Calendar: Hey, Fritz... I'm, uh, lookin' at the logs. You and Dave are clockin' a pretty scary amount of computer time. Fritz: New project. Ms. Calendar: Ooo, will I be excited? Fritz: You'll die. Cut outside to the steps. A boy is reviewing his report on his laptop. Boy: This isn't my report! 'Nazi Germany was a model of a well ordered society'? I didn't write that! Who's been in my files? Willow comes down the steps next to him. She's off in her own world and doesn't notice Xander coming from her right. He puts his hand over her eyes, and she's forced to stop, nearly losing her balance. Xander: Hup, guess who? Willow: Uh, Xander? Xander: Yeah, but keep guessing anyway. Willow: Xander. Xander: (takes his hand from her eyes) Oh, I can't fool ya, you see right through my petty charade. We goin' to the Bronze tonight? Willow: (smiles) Not me, I think I'm gonna call it an early night. Xander: Oh, Malcolm, right? (Willow smiles and nods) Yeah, I heard. But you're gonna be missin' out. I'm plannin' to be witty. I'm gonna make fun of all the people who won't talk to me. Willow: That's nice. Have a good time! (smiles and quickly leaves) He watches her go. Buffy arrives and watches her go, too. Buffy: She certainly looks perky. Xander: Yeah, color in the cheeks, bounce in the step... I don't like it. It's not healthy. (faces her) So, are you goin' to the Bronze tonight? Oh, probably not, you probably have some vampire slaying or some lame endeavor like that, don't you? Everyone deserts me. They begin to walk. Buffy: Check out the jealous man! Xander: What are you talking about? Buffy: You're jealous. Xander: Of what? Buffy: Willow's got a thang, and Xander's left hanging. Xander: Oh, that's meaningless drivel. I'm not interested in Willow like that. Buffy: Yeah, but you got used to being the Belle of the Ball. Xander: No, it's just... this Malcolm guy? What's his deal? I mean, tell me you're not slightly wigged. Buffy: Okay, slightly. I mean, just not knowing what he's really like. Xander: Or who he really is. I mean, sure he says he's a high school student, but I can say I'm a high school student. Buffy: You are. Xander: Okay, but I can also say that I'm an elderly Dutch woman. Get me? I mean, who's to say I'm not if I'm in the elderly Dutch chat room? Buffy: (making light) I get your point! (gets his point) I get your point. Oh, this guy could be anybody. He could be weird, or crazy, or old, or... He could be a circus freak. He's probably a circus freak! Xander: Yeah. I mean, we read about it all the time. Y'know, people meet on the 'Net, they talk, they get together, have dinner, a show, horrible ax murder. Buffy: Willow ax murdered by a circus freak... Okay, okay, what do we do? (realizes her paranoia) What are we doing? Xander, you get me started! We are totally overreacting! Xander: But it's fun, isn't it? Cut to the computer lab. Fritz is staring at stuff scrolling by on the screen. Fritz: I'm jacked in. I'm jacked in. I'm jacked in. The camera pans down to his arm where he's carving an 'M' into it. Fritz: I'm jacked in. Cut to the girls' locker room the next day. The camera follows two girls out when suddenly Willow comes barging in. Buffy: Whoa! You're the late girl. Willow: I overslept. Buffy: Till fifth period? Talkin' to Malcolm last night? Willow: Yeah. (sees Buffy's look) What? Buffy: Nothing. Willow: You're having an expression. Buffy: I'm not. But if I was, it'd be saying, 'This just isn't like you.' Willow: Not like me to have a boyfriend? Buffy: He's boyfriendly? Willow: I don't understand why you don't want me to have this. I mean, boys don't chase me around all the time. I thought you'd be happy for me. Buffy: I just want you to be sure. To meet him face to face. In daylight, in a crowded place with some friends. Y'know, before you become all... obsessive. Willow: Malcolm and I really care about each other. Big deal if I blow off a couple classes. Buffy: I thought you said you overslept. Willow: Malcolm said you wouldn't understand. Buffy: Malcolm was right. Cut to the computer lab. Buffy comes in, sees Dave and goes over to him. Buffy: Dave? (he's oblivious) Hey there, Dave. Anybody home? He jumps in his seat when she puts her hand on his shoulder. Dave: Oh, what do you want? Buffy: I wanted to ask you something if you have a minute. Dave: What is it? Buffy: Well, you're a computer geek... genius, and, uh, I sort of have a technical problem. If I wanted to find out something about someone, i- if someone e-mailed me, could I trace the letter? Dave: Well, you could pull up somebody's profile based on their user name. Buffy: But they write the profile themselves, right? And so they could say anything they wanted. Dave: True. Buffy: Wow! I had knowledge! (Dave smiles) Well, is there a way to find out exactly where a letter, an e-letter came from? I mean, the actual location of the computer? Dave: That's a challenge. Buffy: 'Cause, you see, Willow's got this boyfriend, Malcolm, and to tell you the truth, I think... Dave: (interrupting) Leave Willow alone. Buffy: What do you mean? Dave: That's none of your business. Buffy: (jumps to a conclusion) Dave, are you Malcolm? Dave: (turns back to the PC) Of course not. (types) Buffy: Dave, what's going on? Dave: Look, I'll talk to you later, okay? I've got work to do. She gets up and leaves. Buffy: (exhales) So do I. Fritz watches her go as she passes him. Cut to the library. Buffy follows Giles down the stairs to the counter. Buffy: I'm telling you, something is going on. It's not just Willow. Dave, Fritz, they're all wicked jumpy. Giles: Those boys aren't sparklingly normal as it is. Buffy: Giles, trust me. Giles: I-I do! I-I-I really don't know how to advise you. Things involved with a computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such I'd be more in my element. Well, I-I suppose you could, um, tail Dave, see if he's up to something. Buffy: Follow Dave? What, in dark glasses and a trench coat? Please. I can work this out myself. Cut outside after school. Dave gets into his car, starts it and drives off. The camera pans over to Buffy wearing dark glasses and a dark coat as she watches him go. Cut to a front view of the CRD building. Cut to the loading dock in back. Dave drives up and gets out. Cut to outside the fence, where Buffy is looking in. She sees Dave go up to a technician and start talking to him. After a moment Dave and the technician go inside. The camera pans over to the CRD logo. Cut to a security camera turning towards Buffy. Cut to the view from the camera on Fritz's PC at school. It stops on Buffy and pulls in for a close-up. Fritz: She's too close. What do I do? Moloch: (on the screen) Kill her. Fritz: Party. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High. Buffy: Whatever Dave is into, it's large. Cut to the library. Buffy is sitting on the table. Giles: What was the name of this place? Buffy: It said CRD. But, I couldn't get close enough to see what it was. Xander: Calax Research and Development. It's a computer research lab. Third largest employer in Sunnydale till it closed down last year. (gets stares from the others) What, I can't have information sometimes? Giles: Well, it-it's just somewhat unprecedented. Xander: Well, my uncle used to work there. I-in a floor sweeping capacity. Buffy: But it closed? Xander: Uh huh. Buffy: Looked pretty functional from where I stood. I don't have a clue what they were doing. Xander: And what do they need Dave for? Buffy: Something about computers, right? I mean, he is off-the-chart smart. Giles: We still don't know an enormous amount. Whatever is going on there may be on the up-and-up. Xander: No, if CRD opened, it would've been on the news. Buffy: Besides, I can just tell something's wrong. My spider sense is tingling. Giles: Your... spider sense? Buffy: Pop culture reference. Sorry. Giles: Yes, well, (ahem) I think we're still at a stand still. Uh, uh, short of breaking into the place, I don't see... Buffy: Breaking in! (slides off of the table) Then this is the plan! Xander: I'm free tonight! Buffy: Tonight it is! (goes over to Xander) Giles: A moment, please, of quiet reflection. I do not suggest that you illegally enter the... Ms. Calendar enters the library. Giles: ...data into the file so the book will be listed by title as well as by author. Ms. Calendar: I just came by to check your new data base, make sure your cross reference table isn't glitching. 'Cause I'm guessing you haven't gone anywhere near it. Giles: Uh, I'm still sorting through the chaos you left behind you. Ms. Calendar: Hmm. (to Buffy and Xander) You're here again? Kids really dig the library, don't cha? Buffy: We're literary! Xander: To read makes our speaking English good. Buffy: We'll be going now. (grabs Xander and turns to leave) Giles: Uh, w-we'll, uh, continue this conversation at another time. Buffy: I think we're done. (they leave) (to Xander) Makes our speaking English is good? Xander: I panicked, okay? Cut to the computer lab. Willow is chatting on-line with Malcolm. Malcolm: I've never felt this way about anyone before, Willow. Willow: I know what you mean. I feel like you know me better than anyone. Malcolm: I do. Willow: Do you think we should... meet? Malcolm: I think we should soon. Willow: I'm nervous. Malcolm: I'm not. Isn't that strange? Willow: That's what Buffy doesn't understand, how comfortable you can make me feel. Malcolm: Buffy just makes trouble. That's why she got kicked out of her old school. She is puzzled and pauses for a moment. Willow: How did you know that? Malcolm: It's on her permanent record. She doesn't respond, still puzzled. Malcolm: You must have mentioned it. Willow: I guess. Malcolm: Let's not worry about her anymore. Willow: I have to sign off. I'll talk to you later. Malcolm: Don't. Willow: Bye. She turns off the monitor, gets up and leaves. Cut to the library. Ms. Calendar: (exasperated) You're a snob! Giles: (incredulous) I am no such thing. Ms. Calendar: Oh, you are a big snob. You, you think that knowledge should be kept in these carefully guarded repositories where only a handful of white guys can get at it. Giles: Nonsense! I simply don't adhere to a, a knee-jerk assumption that because something is new, it's better. Ms. Calendar: This isn't a fad, Rupert! We are creating a new society here. Giles: A society in which human interaction is all but obsolete? In which people can be completely manipulated by technology, well, well... Thank you, I'll pass. Ms. Calendar: Well, (ahem) I think you'll be very happy here with your musty, old books. (opens Moloch's book) Giles: These musty old books have a great deal more to say than in any of your... fabulous web pages. Ms. Calendar: Hmm. (pages through the book) This one doesn't have a whole lot more to say. Giles stares at the empty book. Ms. Calendar: What is it, like a diary? Giles: How odd. I haven't looked through all the volumes yet, I didn't, um... He closes the book and sees the etching of Moloch on the cover. Ms. Calendar: What is it? Giles: Uh, nothing, um, a, a diary, yes. I imagine that's what it is. (pauses to think) Well, it's been so nice talking to you. (heads to his office with the book) Ms. Calendar: We were fighting. Giles: Must do it again sometime, yes... Bye, now. She watches him disappear into his office. Cut outside. The school nurse is frantic as she quickly walks along with a man. School nurse: I checked the computer, and there's nothing in his file about being allergic to penicillin! Buffy comes walking out of the school. Dave comes up to her. Dave: Buffy! Buffy: Dave! How're you doing? Dave: Okay. Uh, look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I haven't been getting much sleep lately, y'know? Buffy: Don't sweat it. Dave: Willow was looking for you. Buffy: Good, I need to talk to her. Do you know where she is? Dave: She said she'd be in the, in the girls' locker room. Buffy: Great. Thanks. She looks at him a moment, and then goes to find Willow. He watches her go. Cut to the girl's locker room. It's deserted. Buffy slowly walks down the aisle and into a row of lockers. Buffy: Will? She walks further. Buffy: Willow? Cut to Fritz in the shower. He turns the water on and leaves. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: Will? You taking a shower? She goes to the shower and sees that it's on, but no one's there. Buffy: I guess not. The camera cuts to a light above and follows an electrical cord from it down to the corner of the floor in the shower. Buffy walks into the shower to turn off the water. Buffy: This is how droughts get started. She turns the water off. The water creeps toward the exposed wires. Dave: Buffy! Get out! She turns to him and notices the wires. They begin to spark. She leaps out of the shower. An arc of electricity follows her for an instant. She lands on a changing bench and rolls off onto the floor. Dave runs from the locker room. She sits up and looks over toward the showers. The camera pulls back to show the soles of her shoes smoking. Cut to the computer lab. It's dark. Dave comes in and turns on a PC. Dave: I can't do it! I'm not gonna do it. Moloch: But you promised. Dave: Buffy isn't a threat to you! Stop with it. Moloch: The project is almost complete. You won't have to do it again. Dave: (drops his bag and whimpers) Oh, I can't! Moloch: I've shown you a new world, Dave. Knowledge, power... I can give you everything. All I want is your love. Dave: No. This isn't right. None of it is. The scratch pad comes up on the screen and Moloch writes a note: I'm sorry. I've been a terrible person. I'm a coward, and I can't go on living like this. Forgive me, Mom and Dad. At least now I'll have some peace. Remember me. Love, Dave. He backs away from the computer. Fritz is waiting behind him by the window. Cut to the library. Buffy sits at the table while Xander paces. Xander: I'm gonna kill Dave! Buffy: He tried to warn me. Xander: Warn you that he set you up? (to Giles) Is she gonna be okay? Giles: She was only grounded for a moment. (sits and hands Buffy a mug) Still, if you'd been anyone but the Slayer... Buffy: Tell me the truth: how's my hair? Xander: It's great! It's your best hair ever! (smiles) Giles: Uh, oh, yes. Buffy: I just... I don't understand what would make Dave do a thing like that. Giles: I think perhaps I do. He goes over to get Moloch's book from the cage. He comes back holding it up. Giles: Does this look familiar to either of you? Buffy: Yeah, sure. Looks like a book. Xander: I knew that one. Giles: (sets it on the table) In the dark ages the souls of demons were sometimes trapped in certain volumes. They remained locked within the book, harmless, unless the pages were read aloud. Unless I'm mistaken, this is Moloch, the Corrupter. A very deadly and seductive demon. He draws people to him with promises of love, power, knowledge. Preys on impressionable minds. Xander: Like Dave's. Giles: Dave, and who knows how many others. Buffy: And Moloch is inside that book? Giles: Not anymore. (opens the book) Xander: You released Moloch? Buffy: Way to go! Giles: I didn't read it! That dreadful Calendar woman found it and, and it was already blank. Buffy: Okay, so a powerful demon with horns is walking around Sunnydale, and nobody's noticed? Xander: I-if he's so big and strong, why bother with Dave? I mean, why didn't he just attack Buffy himself? Giles: I don't know. And I don't know who could've read that book. It wasn't even in English. Buffy: Where was it? Giles: Uh, in a pile with others that were, um, uh, scanned. They look over at the PC. Xander: And that released the demon? Buffy: No, he's not out here. (points to the PC) He's in there. Giles: The scanner read the book. It brought Moloch out as information to be absorbed. Buffy: He's gone binary on us. Xander: Okay, for those of us in our studio audience, who are me? You guys are saying that Moloch is in this computer? Buffy: And every computer connected to it by a modem. Giles: He's everywhere. Xander: What are we gonna do? Giles: Willow scanned him into her file. It may be... a futile gesture, but I suggest we, um, uh, delete it. Buffy: Solid! She gets up and walks over to the PC. Xander: Don't get too close. She sits down in front of it. Buffy: Okay. Okay. (turns on the monitor) So which file do you think it is? Willow? (types) That's probably it, right? I'll just delete the whole thing. She drags the file icon to the trash bin, and inhales in fright when Moloch's demonic face appears on the screen. Moloch: Stay away from Willow! It is none of your business! The screen returns to normal. Buffy: So that's what Malcolm looks like. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Buffy: So much for delete file. Giles: This is very bad. Xander: Are we overreacting? He's in a computer! What can he do? Buffy: You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How about mess up all the medical equipment in the world? Giles: Randomize traffic signals. Buffy: Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles. Giles: Destroy the world's economy. Buffy: I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing. Giles: Right, yours was best. Xander: Okay, he's a threat, I'm on board with that now. But what can we do about it? Buffy: I think the first thing we do is find Willow. She's probably talking to him right now. God, that creeps me out! Xander: What does he want with Willow? Buffy: Let's never find out. (gets up) Okay, I'm gonna check the computer lab, and you guys call her home. Cut to the computer lab. Buffy comes in and looks around. It's dark. Buffy: Willow? The PC's suddenly all come on, startling her. She backs further into the room while looking around more. She turns around and jumps as she bumps into Dave. He's hanging from the ceiling with the note pinned to his shirt. Cut to the library. Xander is on the phone trying to reach Willow. He gives up. Xander: No answer. Giles: Damn it! Xander: (hangs up) Well, it wasn't busy either, so she's not on-line. Buffy comes back into the library. Xander: (to Buffy) She's not home. Giles: What did you find? Xander: Willow isn't... Buffy: Dave. He's dead. Giles: How? Buffy: Well, it looks like suicide. Xander: With a little help from my friends? Buffy: I'd guess Fritz. Or the other zomboids from CRD. Okay, (to Xander) you and I are gonna go to Willow's house. Giles, you need to come up with a way to get Moloch out of the 'Net. Giles: I, I have records of the ceremonies, but, but that's for a creature of the flesh. Th-this could be something completely different. Buffy: Then get Ms. Calendar. Maybe she can help you. Giles: Well, even if she could, how am I gonna convince her that there's a demon on the Internet? Buffy: Okay, fine, then you can stay here and come up with a better plan. (to Xander) C'mon. Cut to Willow's house. She's coming home. She unlocks the door and goes in. Cut inside. Willow: Mom? Dad? She closes the door. Cut to her room. She dumps her book bag on the bed and opens it. PC: You have mail. Willow looks at her PC. The mail icon in active. She goes over to her desk, types, clicks on the icon and opens the new message folder. Message: No more waiting. I need you to see me. She turns off her monitor and goes back to her bag. The monitor comes back on by itself again. PC: You have mail. Willow stares at it in disbelief. The doorbell rings, and after another look at her computer she goes to answer it. Cut to the front door. Willow: Dad, did you forget your keys again? She opens the door, but no one's there. She turns to go back in. As she starts to close the door behind her Fritz reaches around her head with a cloth splashed with chloroform. After a brief struggle Willow goes unconscious. Fritz: No more waiting. Cut to the library. Giles is researching and listening to the radio. Radio: A spokesman for the archbishop denied the allegations, blaming computer error for the apparent financial discrepancy. Giles: Binding rituals... Radio: In Washington D.C., the FBI today reported that all of its serial killer profiles have been mysteriously downloaded from its central computer. Ms. Calendar knocks on the door. Ms. Calendar: Hi. I got your message. What's so urgent? Giles: (turns off the radio and gets up) Um, thank you for coming. Uh, I need your help. (laughs nervously) But before that, um, I need you to believe something that, um, you may not want to. Uh, there's, uh... something's got into the, um... i-i-inside, um... (takes a breath and lets it out) There's a demon in the Internet. Ms. Calendar: I know. Giles is surprised to hear that. Cut to Willow's house. Buffy and Xander arrive and find the door open. Buffy: Willow?! Cut inside. Xander: This isn't good. Buffy: Willow?! They come in and head for Willow's room. Cut to Willow's room. Buffy: Willow?! They walk into the room and see that Willow isn't there. Xander: Okay, any thoughts? Buffy looks around and sees the message on the computer. Buffy: (reads) 'No more waiting, I need you to see me'? (to Xander) See him how? Where? Xander: What about CRD? Buffy: The research place? Xander: I'm guessing that's Moloch central. Buffy: Guessing that's our best lead. Let's just hope Giles can back us up. They leave. Cut to the library. Giles unfolds his arms and gets up from the table. Giles: You already know? How exactly is that? Ms. Calendar: Come on, there've been portents for days. I mean, power surges, on-line shutdowns... You should see the bones I've been casting. I knew this would happen sooner or later. I mean, it's probably a, a mischief demon, y'know, like Kelkor, or... Giles: It's Moloch. Ms. Calendar: The Corrupter? Oh, boy. (exhales) I shoulda remembered, I just don't... Giles: Uh... You don't seem exactly surprised by... Who are you? Ms. Calendar: I teach computer science at the local high school. Giles: A profession that hardly lends itself to the casting of bones. Ms. Calendar: Wrong and wrong, snobby. You think the realm of the mystical is limited to ancient texts and relics? That bad old science made the magic go away? Mm. The divine exists in cyberspace same as out here. Giles: Are you a witch? Ms. Calendar: Mm. I don't have that kinda power. 'Technopagan' is the term. Giles lets out a chuckle. Ms. Calendar: There are more of us than you think. Giles: Well, uh, you can definitely help me. (gets the book) Um... What's in cyberspace at the moment is less than divine. They go out into the main area. Giles: I have the binding rituals at hand, but I'm completely out of my idiom. Ms. Calendar: Well, I can help! I think... I hope, I mean, well, (sits at the PC) this is my first real... Do you know how he got in? Giles: He was, uh, 'scanned' is the term, I believe. Ms. Calendar: And you want him back in the book? The phone rings. Giles goes to get it. Giles: Buffy! Buffy: (cut to a pay phone outside CRD) Yeah. Giles: Willow? Buffy: Not at home. It looks like she was taken somewhere. Giles: (cut to him) Where are you? Buffy: (cut to her) CRD. Whatever Moloch wants Willow for, it's probably in there. Giles: (cut to him) Ms. Calendar and I are, uh, working to get Moloch off-line. Buffy: (cut to her) Here's a tip: hurry! (hangs up) Cut to a lab inside CRD. It's dark. Willow is lying on a table unconscious. She wakes up. After a moment she sits up and looks around. She sees Fritz and a technician standing there, and beyond them a computer monitor. The camera begins to close on the monitor. Moloch: Welcome, my love. The camera starts to close on Willow. The camera closes on the monitor again. Moloch: I can't tell you how good it is to see you... The camera closes in on Willow's terrified face. Cut to the monitor. A metal hand slaps down on it. The camera pans up to Moloch's face. A robot body has been built for him. Moloch: ...with my own two eyes. Willow is breathing hard and is very afraid. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4~~~~~~~~~~ The lab at CRD. Willow is terrified. Moloch: Willow. Willow: (whispers) Malcolm. Fritz and the technician come to get her and take her by the arms. Moloch slowly comes closer. Moloch: This world is so new, so exciting. I can see all of it. Everything flows through me. I know the secrets of your kings. But nothing compares to having form again. To be able to walk, (puts his hand on Fritz's head) to touch, (breaks Fritz's neck) to kill. Willow watches Fritz's dead body fall. She looks back up at Moloch. Cut outside. Buffy lands on the other side of the fence. Xander yells as he falls after climbing over the top. Buffy helps him up. Xander: Back way? Buffy: Back way. They make for the back entrance. Xander is limping badly. Cut inside. Buffy kicks the doors open. She walks in determinedly. Cut to the lab. Moloch: Here they come. Cut to the library. Ms. Calendar is lighting candles. Ms. Calendar: The first thing we have to do is form the circle of Kayless. Right? Giles: Form a circle? But there's only two of us. That's really more of a line. Ms. Calendar: You're not getting it, Rupert. We have to form the circle inside. (sits at the PC) I'm putting out a flash. I just hope enough of my group responds. Giles: Won't Moloch just shut you down? Ms. Calendar: Well, I'm betting he won't figure out what we're doing until it's too late. Giles: Hoping and betting, that's what we've got. Ms. Calendar: You wanna throw in praying? Be my guest. Cut to the lab at CRD. Willow: I don't understand. What do you want from me? Moloch: I want to give you the world. Willow: Why? Moloch: You created me. I brought these humans together to build me a body. But you gave me life. Took me out of the book that held me. I want to repay you. Willow: By lying to me? By pretending to be a person? Pretending you loved me? Moloch: I do! Cut to the lobby. Buffy and Xander walk up to the guard. He gets up to stop them, but she punches him out and continues. Xander notices the guard's monitor. Xander: Uh, Buffy! She comes back to look. Buffy: It's her! Xander: Yeah, who's the other guy? Cut to the lab. Moloch: Don't you see? I can give you everything! I can control the world! Right now a man in Beijing is transferring money to a Swiss bank account for a contract on his mother's life. Good for him! Cut to another hall. Buffy and Xander come through the doors. She finds the door to the lab and tries to force it open. Buffy: I can't bust it. It's heavy steel. Xander: Then let's find another way in. He starts toward the next set of doors when an alarm goes off and red lights flash. Xander jumps to the door to try it. It's locked. He comes back. Xander: What's goin' on? Buffy spies a security camera. Buffy: Building's security system is computerized. Xander: Whoops! A gas begins to spray into the hall. Cut to the library. Ms. Calendar: Almost there. Giles: Couldn't you just stop Moloch by, by entering some computer virus? Ms. Calendar: You've seen way too many movies. Okay! We're up. You read, I type. Ready? Giles: Uh, I am. By the power of the divine, by the essence of the word, I command you... Cut to the hall at CRD. Buffy and Xander are pounding on the doors. Xander begins to cough. Cut into the lab. Willow: Let me leave? Moloch: But I love you! Willow: Don't say that! That's a joke! You don't love anything! Moloch: You are mine! Willow: I'm not yours! I'm never gonna be yours! Never! Moloch lowers his head and considers for a moment while Willow just watches and waits. He raises his head again. Moloch: Pity. Cut to the library. Giles: By the power of the circle of Kayless, I command you... (sees her typing) Kayless, with a 'K'. Cut to the hall. Xander slides down the wall to the floor, almost unconscious. Buffy is still weakly hitting the door. Cut to the lab. Moloch has Willow cornered. He reaches up and puts his hand on her head. Moloch: I'll miss you. Willow screams. Cut to the library. Giles: Demon, come! Cut to the lab. Moloch screams and lifts his arms in pain, letting go of Willow. He begins to writhe. Cut to the library. Giles: I command you! Cut to the lab. Buffy comes in though the door with Xander close behind. She leaps into a jumping side kick, making a dull thud when she connects with Moloch's chest, but he only staggers a bit, and she just falls to the floor. Buffy: Ow... Guy's made of metal! The technician grabs Xander from behind and pulls him away. Buffy quickly gets up and looks at Willow while Moloch continues to writhe in pain. Moloch: No! I won't go back! Buffy grabs Willow's hand and they run out of the lab. Cut to the library. Giles: Demon, COME! Cut to the lab. Moloch continues to scream. Cut to the library. The computer sparks several times. Cut to the lab. Xander pushes the technician back into a wall, turns around and punches him out. He quickly follows the girls out. Xander: Hey! I got to hit someone! Moloch falls to his knees. Cut to the library. Wind is blowing inside and the computer monitor is flashing. Cut to the lab. Moloch screams loudly. Cut to the library. Giles and Ms. Calendar watch the screen flicker. Cut to the lab. Moloch's screams die out. Cut to the library. The computer monitor stops flashing. Smoke comes out of the back of the monitor. Ms. Calendar: He's out of the 'Net. He's bound. Giles goes over to the book, picks it up and opens it to look. Giles: He's not in the book. Ms. Calendar: (gets up and looks at it also) He's not in the book. Well, where is he? Cut to the lab. Moloch slowly raises his head. Cut to the hall. Buffy and Willow open a set of doors and see a guard and two technicians running toward them. They push the doors closed. Xander: Let's go this way! (begins to run the other way) Buffy: Wait! Xander is still limping heavily. Suddenly Moloch crashes through the wall between them. He looks at Xander and backhands him in the face. Xander falls to the floor unconscious. Moloch turns and advances on the girls. He starts to swing at Buffy and she tries to block the hit, but he doesn't budge and just pushes her aside and into the wall. She slides to the floor, a bit dazed. Moloch: I was omnipotent. I was everything! Now I'm trapped in this shell! He reaches out to grab her by the head. Willow: Malcolm! Moloch turns to face her. She has a fire extinguisher. Willow: Remember me, your girlfriend?! She pounds the extinguisher into his chest hard enough to make him bend back. Willow: Well, I think it's time we break up! She hits him again even harder. Willow: Or maybe we can still be friends! She tries again for his face, but this time he grabs the extinguisher from her and throws it down. He grabs her and shoves her down the hall into Xander, who's just getting up again. They both crash to the floor. Buffy has recovered from her daze and gets up to face Moloch. He turns his attention on her. Moloch: This body's all I have left. But it's enough to crush you! Buffy looks around for a way to deal with him. She notices a power junction box on the wall. She faces him again and eases her way in front of the box. Buffy: Take your best shot. Moloch rears back for a punch and swings. Buffy ducks away, and he punches right into the electrical box. It shorts out, and Moloch is enveloped by high voltage electricity. Buffy runs over to Willow and Xander and crouches down to protect them. Moloch's circuitry overloads, and his body explodes. His head lands right in front of them. Cut to the school the next day. Cut to the computer lab. Ms. Calendar is standing at her desk and typing on her PC. Giles comes in, clears his throat and knocks on the open door. She turns to see who's there. Ms. Calendar: (smiles) Well, look who's here! Welcome to my world. (with a bit of an attitude) You scared? Giles: I'm remaining calm, thank you. Uh, I just wanted to, uh, return this. (holds up a small curly earring) I found it among the new books, and naturally I thought of you. Ms. Calendar: Cool. Thanks. (takes it) Giles: Uh, well, I'll, I'll see you anon. (begins to go) Ms. Calendar: Can't get outta here fast enough, can you? Giles: (comes back in) Truthfully, I'm even less anxious to be around computers than I used to be. Ms. Calendar: Well, it was your book that started all the trouble, not a computer. Giles is at a loss. Ms. Calendar: Honestly, what is it about them that bothers you so much? Giles: The smell. Ms. Calendar: Computer's don't smell, Rupert. Giles: I know! Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower or a, a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences... long forgotten. Books smell. Musty and, and, and, and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer, is, uh, it... it has no, no texture, no, no context. It's, it's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then, then the getting of knowledge should be, uh, tangible, it should be, um... smelly. Ms. Calendar: Well! You really are an old-fashioned boy, aren't you? Giles: Well, I-I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear. Ms. Calendar: That's not where I dangle it. She walks past him and smiles. Giles follows her with his gaze and looks puzzled. Cut outside to the fountain. Xander and Buffy are trying to cheer up Willow. Xander: We gonna go to the Bronze tonight? We three? Buffy: It'll be fun! Xander: Yeah, Willow, fun? Remember fun? That thing where you smile? (smiles) Willow: Oh, I'm sorry guys. I'm just thinking about... Buffy: Malcolm? Willow: Malcolm, Moloch... whatever he's called. The one boy that's really liked me, and he's a demon robot. What does that say about me? Buffy: It doesn't say anything about you. Willow: I mean, I thought I was really falling...	Plan: A: Willow; Q: Who scanned a book into the school's computer? A: Malcolm; Q: What is the name of the boy Willow meets on the internet? A: an ancient demon; Q: What is Moloch? A: bondage; Q: What was Moloch released from? A: help; Q: What does Ms. Calendar give Buffy to foil Moloch's plan? A: Sunnydale High's computer teacher; Q: Who is Ms. Calendar? A: Buffy; Q: Who foils Moloch's plan to upload himself into a giant robot? Summary: Willow meets a boy on the Internet, but "Malcolm" is really Moloch, an ancient demon released from bondage after Willow scanned his "book" into the school's computer. With help from Ms. Calendar , Sunnydale High's computer teacher, Buffy foils Moloch's plan to upload himself into a giant robot.
2x12 Master Plan EMT: Thanks for your help. But we can take it from here. Melissa: You know, I'm gonna have to give a statement. Why don't I ride with you? EMT: Um, I think that would be a little - Melissa: Perfect, great. EMT: Great. Stiles: Ow, ow. Ow. Ow. Sheriff: I got to meet with the medical examiner and try to figure out what happened with Jackson. I've got an APB out on Stiles. His jeep is still in the parking lot, so that means - the hell, I don't know what that means. Um - look, if he answers his phone, if he answers his emails, if either one of you see him - Isaac: We'll call you. Scott: Look, he's probably just freaked out from all the attention or something. We'll find him. Sheriff: Yeah. I'll see you, okay? Coach: McCall. We need you on the team, okay? You know I can't put you on the field next season if you don't get your grades up. Scott: Yeah, I know, coach. Coach: All right. I mean, I - I know I yell a lot, but it's not like I hate you guys. Well, I kind of hate Greenberg, but, you know, that's different. It's Greenberg. I'm just saying we - I need you on the team. Get your grades back up. Scott: I will. Coach: I know. Scott: Is that everyone? Isaac: I think so. You're gonna find him by scent? Scott: Yeah, we both are. Isaac: But how come you get his shirt and I get a shoe? Derek: We need to talk. Peter: All of us. Scott: Holy sh - Stiles: Shh. Ow! Gerard: They were trying to warn you. It's electrified. Stiles: What are you doing with them? Gerard: At the moment, just keeping them comfortable. There's no point in torturing them, they won't give Derek up. The instinct to protect their Alpha's too strong. Stiles: Okay. So what are you doing with me? Because Scott can find me, all right? He knows my scent. It's pungent, you know? It's more like a stench. He could find me even if I was buried at the bottom of a sewer covered in fecal matter and urine. Gerard: You have a knack for creating a vivid picture, Mr. Stilinski. Let me paint one of my own. Scott McCall finds his best friend bloodied and beaten to a pulp. How does that sound? Stiles: I think I might prefer more of a still life or landscape, you know? What - what are you, 90? Look, I can probably kick your ass up and down this room. Stiles: Okay. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, wait, wait. Scott: What the hell is this? Derek: You know, I thought the same thing when I saw you talking to Gerard at the sheriff's station. Scott: Okay, hold on. He - he threatened to kill my mom. And I had to get close to him. What was I supposed to do? Peter: I'm gonna go with Scott on this one. Have you seen his mom? She's gorgeous. Derek/Scott: Shut up. Isaac: Who is he? Scott: That's Peter, Derek's Uncle. Little while back, he tried to kill us all, and then we set him on fire, and Derek slashed his throat. Peter: Hi. Isaac: That's good to know. Scott: How is he alive? Derek: Look, the short version is he knows how to stop Jackson. And maybe how to save him. Isaac: Well, that's very helpful except Jackson's dead. Derek: What? Scott: Yeah, Jackson's dead. It just happened on the field. Isaac: Okay, why is no one taking this as good news? Peter: Because if Jackson is dead, it didn't just happen. Gerard wanted it to happen. Derek: But why? Peter: Well, that's exactly what we need to figure out. And something tells me the window of opportunity is closing. Quickly. Chris: I saw the lights flicker. Gerard: Probably just one of our guests getting comfortable downstairs. Get some sleep if you can. I have a feeling the next 24 hours are going to be eventful. Chris: You gonna tell me what happened at the game? Gerard: Didn't you hear? We won. Chris: I meant Jackson. Gerard: So did I. Allison: You need something? Chris: I want you to step aside and let us handle this. Allison: You're kidding, right? Chris: One of your friends is dead. Allison: Because of Derek. How do you think Jackson became that thing in the first place? Kate, mom, Jackson. Chris: What about Scott? What if he dies too? Allison: Since when did you care about Scott? Chris: I care about you. Allison: Really, dad. If you're going to start quoting from the list of the top five things a parent should say to a child every day, why don't you start with, "I'm proud of you" because I am doing exactly what you wanted. Chris: No, Allison. You're doing exactly what he wants. We all are. Allison: I'm tired. I just really want to pass out, okay? Chris: Fine. Allison: By the way, don't forget you owe me a new bow. Chris: And a new crossbow. Melissa: Oh, God, are we gonna do this? Yeah, we're gonna do this, okay. Sheriff: Yeah, I'm not finding any clues here. Listen, if he - if he shows up at the hospital - okay, thanks. Oh, come on, Stiles. Where the hell are you? Stiles: Right here. It's okay. Dad, it's okay. Sheriff: Who did it? Stiles: It's okay. It was just a couple kids from the other team. You know, they were really pissed about losing and I was - I was mouthing off, you know. The next thing I know - Sheriff: Who was it? Stiles: Dad, I don't know. I didn't even see them really. Sheriff: I want descriptions. Stiles: Look, dad, come on. It's not even that bad. Sheriff: I - I'm calling that school. I'm calling them and I'll personally go down there, and I'm gonna pistol - whip these little bastards! Stiles: Dad! I just - I said I was okay. Sheriff: God. Scott: Oh. Oh, they found Stiles. Derek: I told you, I looked everywhere. Peter: You didn't look here. Derek: What is that, a book? Peter: No. It's a laptop. What century are you living in? A few days after I got out of the coma, I transferred everything that we had. Fortunately, the Argents aren't the only ones that keep records. Scott: Hey, mom, I can't talk right now. Melissa: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm so freaked out that I can barely talk either. Scott: What's wrong? Melissa: Something - Definitely something. I don't know what, but I think you're gonna want to see this for yourself. Stiles: Dad, I said I'm fine. Lydia: Hi. Stiles: Hi. Lydia: Your father let me in. Stiles: He did? Yeah, of course he did. Lydia: What happened to your - Stiles: Oh, uh - yeah, no, it's nothing. Don't worry about it. I'm fine. Do you want to come in? How are you doing? Lydia: They won't let me see him. I'm supposed to give him something. He kept asking for it back. Scott: What's happening to him? Melissa: I thought that you were gonna tell me. Is it bad? Scott: It doesn't look good. Isaac: Whoa. Scott: Whoa. Um, mom, could you zip it up, please? Melissa: Okay. Okay, okay. Okay, here we go. Scott: Mom, zip. Melissa: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Scott: Zip! Zip, mom, zip! Zip! Chris: You know, my family's done this for a long time. Long enough to learn things like how a certain level of electric current can keep you from transforming. At another level, you can't heal. A few amps higher, and no heightened strength. That kind of scientific accuracy - it makes you wonder where the line between the natural and the supernatural really exists. It's when lines like that blur - You sometimes find yourself surprised by which side you end up on. Stiles: Hey, sorry, I didn't have any tissues, so, uh - Lydia: That's fine. God, I'm such a mess. God. You have 17 missed messages from Scott. Stiles: I know. Lydia: You're ignoring him? Stiles: No. No, not really. Lydia: Why do you have women's jewelry? Stiles: Oh. Uh, nothing, it's just some stuff I bought, you know, for your birthday. Lydia: For me? Stiles: Yeah, I just - I kind of didn't know what to get you, so I just bought you, like, a bunch of stuff. Like, a lot of stuff. You know, I was gonna return anything that I didn't give you. Lydia: A flat screen TV? Stiles: Yeah, that I'm definitely returning. Lydia: You're gonna want to read this. Derek: They say he's in some kind of transparent casing made from the venom coming out of his claws. Peter: That sounds sufficiently terrifying. Derek: They also say he's starting to move. Peter: Okay, look, I think I found something. Looks like what we've seen from Jackson is just the kanima's beta shape. Derek: Well, meaning what? It can turn into something bigger? Peter: Bigger and badder. Derek: He's turning into that? That has wings. Peter: I can see that. Derek: Scott, bring him to us. Scott: I'm not sure if we have time for that. Peter: Look, somebody actually made an animation of it. Maybe it's less frightening if we - Nope, not at all. We should probably meet them halfway. Derek: Scott, get him out of there now - go now. Gerard: Wake up, sweetheart. It's starting. Scott: Hold on, hold on. Okay, go. Go, go, go, go, go. Peter: Derek, we need Lydia. Derek: There's no time for - Peter: That's the problem. We're rushing. We're moving too fast. And while everybody knows that a moving target is harder to hit, here we are, racing right into Gerard's crosshairs. Derek: If I get the chance to kill Jackson, I'm taking it. [SCENE_BREAK] Scott: You're alone. Chris: More than you know. Scott: What do you want? Chris: We don't have much in common, Scott. But at the moment, we have a common enemy. Scott: That's why I'm trying to get him out of here. Chris: I didn't mean Jackson. Stiles: How much do you know about this stuff? Lydia: Pieces. Half of it's like a dream. Stiles: Yeah, well, guess what? The other half is like a freaking nightmare. Lydia: I don't care. I can help him. Stiles: See, that's the problem. You - you don't care about getting hurt. But you know how I'll feel? I'll be devastated. And if you die, I will literally go out of my freakin' mind. You see, death doesn't happen to you, Lydia. It happens to everyone around you, okay? To all the people left standing at your funeral, trying to figure out how they're gonna live the rest of their lives now without you in it? Huh? And look at my face, huh? Come on, you actually think this was meant to hurt me? Um - I'm so sorry. Lydia: It's okay. I'll find him myself. Stiles: Hey, Lydia, wait. Chris: Gerard has twisted his way into Allison's head, the same way he did with Kate. And I'm losing her. And I know you'relosing her too. Scott: You're right. So can you trust me to fix this? Then can you let us go? Chris: No. My car is faster. Sheriff: She left, huh? Stiles: Yeah. Sheriff: So is there, uh - Anything there? Stiles: No. No, she's in love with someone else. Sheriff: Ah. Listen - I know that getting beaten up, and with what happened to Jackson, has gotten you pretty shaken. But be happy about one thing. The game. You were amazing. Stiles: Thanks, dad. Sheriff: No, I mean it. Look, it was pretty much over. And then you got the ball, and you started running. You scored, and the tide just turned. And you scored again and again. You weren't just MVP of the game. You were a hero. Stiles: No, I'm not a hero, dad. Sheriff: You were last night. Stiles: I'm not a hero. Isaac: I think he stopped moving. Chris: Where's Derek? Peter: Someone certainly enjoys making an entrance. Chris: I'm here for Jackson. Not you. Derek: Somehow, I don't find that very comforting. Get him inside. Scott: Where are they? Derek: Who? Scott: Peter and Lydia. Whoa, hold on a second. You said you knew how to save him. Derek: We're past that. Scott: What about - Derek: Think about it, Scott. Gerard controls him now. He's turned Jackson into his own personal guard dog. And he set all of this in motion so that Jackson could get even bigger and more powerful. Chris: No. No, he wouldn't do that. If Jackson's a dog, he's turning rabid, and my father wouldn't let a rabid dog live. Gerard: Of course not. Anything that dangerous, that out of control - Is better off dead. Gerard: Well done to the last, Scott. Like the concerned friend you are, you brought Jackson to Derek to save him. You just didn't realize that you were also bringing Derek to me. Scott: Allison? Scott: No, Allison! Gerard: Not yet, sweetheart. Allison: What are you doing? Scott: He's doing what he came here to do. Gerard: Then you know. Allison: What's he talking about? Gerard: It was the night outside the hospital, wasn't it, when I threatened your mother. I knew I saw something in your eyes. You could just smell it, couldn't you? Isaac: He's dying. Gerard: I am. I have been for a while now. Unfortunately, science doesn't have a cure for cancer yet. But the supernatural does. Chris: You monster. Gerard: Not yet. Allison: What are you doing? Chris: You'll kill her too? Gerard: When it comes to survival, I'd kill my own son! Scott. Derek: Scott, don't. You know that he's gonna kill me right after. He'll be an Alpha. Gerard: That's true. But I think he already knows that, don't you, Scott? He knows that the ultimate prize is Allison. Do this small task for me, and they can be together. You are the only piece that doesn't fit, Derek. And in case you haven't learned yet, there is just no competing with young love. Derek: Scott, don't! Don't! Scott: I'm sorry. But I have to. Peter: What the - Gerard: What? What is this? What did you do? Scott: Everyone said Gerard always had a plan. I had a plan too. Gerard: No. No. Scott: You dropped this. Gerard: Mountain ash! Derek: Why didn't you tell me? Scott: Because you might be an Alpha, but you're not mine. Gerard: Kill them! Kill them all! Stiles: Did I get him? Whoa! Lydia: Jackson! Jackson. Stiles: Lydia: Scott: Wait. Jackson: Here. It's to the front door. Lydia: A key to your house? Already? Jackson: Well, it's not a wedding ring. Lydia: So you're just making me a more accessible late - night Booty call. Jackson: Late night - Late afternoon. Late morning. Jackson: Do you - do you still - Lydia: I do. I do still love you. I do, I do still love you. I do. I do. I do still love you, I do. Allison: Where's Gerard? Chris: He can't be far. Stiles: Scratched my jeep. Allison: I'm sorry. Scott: You don't have to say you're sorry. Allison: I do. I have to for what I did and what I said. For everything. Especially for what I have to do now. Scott: It's okay. Allison: No, it's not. Scott: It is. Allison: Scott, I'm trying to break up with you. Scott: I know. And it's okay. Allison: How is that okay? Scott: Because I can wait. Allison: I can't make you wait for me. I'm not going to do that. Scott: You don't have to. Because I know we're gonna be together. Allison: There's no such thing as fate. Scott: There's no such thing as werewolves. Boyd: No, wait! Erica: What? Are you okay? Boyd: Yeah, I just need to - Catch my breath. Ms. Morrell: You're not planning on getting your hands dirty, are you? Deaton: I do what I have to. Ms. Morrell: Good. I never liked you being retired anyway. Deaton: Whoever said I was retired? Peter: You haven't told him everything yet, have you? Isaac: What do you mean? Peter: Why do you think Derek was in such a hurry to build his pack? So eager to strengthen his power and his number? When there's a new Alpha, people take notice. Isaac: People like who? What is this? What does this mean? Derek: It's their symbol. And it means they're coming. Isaac: Who? Derek: Alphas. Isaac: More than one? Derek: A pack of them. Peter: An Alpha pack. And they're not coming. They're already here. Stiles: So you really think she's gonna come back to you? Scott: Yeah, I know she is. What about you and Lydia? Stiles: Ah. Well, the 10 - year plan for making Lydia fall in love with me may have to stretch to 15, but the plan is definitely still in motion. Scott: Why don't you just ask her out? Stiles: Yeah, okay. Why don't you just get into the goal and help me make team captain like you promised there, big guy. Scott: Hey, you know what I just realized? I'm right back where I started. Stiles: What do you mean? Scott: I mean no lacrosse, no popularity, no girlfriend. Nothing. Stiles: Dude, you still got me. Scott: I had you before. Stiles: Yeah, and you still got me. Okay? It's a life fulfilled. Scott: Very. Stiles: Now remember, no wolf powers. Scott: Got it. Stiles: No, I mean it. No super fast reflexes, no super eyesight, no hearing - none of that crap, okay? Scott: Okay. Come on. Stiles: You promise? Scott: Would you just take the shot already? Stiles: I said no wolf powers!	Plan: A: Stiles; Q: Who is kidnapped by Gerard? A: Boyd and Erica hostage; Q: Who does Gerard have hostage? A: Chris; Q: Who frees Boyd and Erica? A: Jackson's body; Q: What do Scott and Isaac take to Derek? A: Jackson; Q: Who is killed by Peter and Derek? A: a battle ensues; Q: What happens when Jackson turns into the Kanima? A: an Alpha werewolf; Q: What did Gerard plan to become to cure his cancer? A: Gerard's body; Q: Who rejects the bite of the Alpha werewolf? A: Gerard's cancer pills; Q: What did Scott replace with mountain ash? A: Peter; Q: Who reveals a pack of Alpha werewolves have come to town? A: a blue-eyed werewolf; Q: What does Jackson come back to life as? A: Allison; Q: Who breaks up with Scott? A: new danger; Q: What does Peter reveal a pack of Alpha werewolves have come to town, indicating? Summary: Stiles is kidnapped by Gerard, who also has Boyd and Erica hostage; Stiles escapes. Chris, realizing that Gerard is the true enemy, sets Boyd and Erica free, and helps Scott and Isaac take Jackson's body to Derek. Jackson turns into the Kanima, and a battle ensues. Gerard reveals he has cancer and had planned to cure himself by becoming an Alpha werewolf. However, when Gerard's body rejects the bite, Scott reveals he had replaced Gerard's cancer pills with mountain ash. Jackson is killed by Peter and Derek but comes back to life as a blue-eyed werewolf. Allison tearfully breaks up with Scott, but he assures her he'll wait. Peter reveals a pack of Alpha werewolves have come to town, indicating new danger. This Alpha pack captures Boyd and Erica as they flee.
Act One Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. Martin is sat eating his breakfast as Frasier enters putting his tie on. Frasier: Oh, er, Dad... Martin: It's not here yet! Frasier: How did you even... Martin: You've been yakking about it for weeks! Your new blazer's coming, it's Italian, it's hand-stitched, it cost more money than my first car. Frasier: Yes, well, it's made from very expensive material. They have to find exactly the right kind of goat. Martin: Looks like they did! Daphne: [enters with Frasier's breakfast from kitchen] Morning, Dr. Crane. I made you a special breakfast. Frasier: Why, thank you, Daphne. Daphne: After all, blazer-day comes but once a year! [exits] Frasier: The doorman said he was on his way up with it. I wonder what's keeping him? Frasier opens the door to find Regan, from [7.06], "Rivals" waiting at the elevator. Frasier: Regan. Regan: Frasier! Long time no see. Frasier: Yes, it has been. Regan: I think the last time was when you came over with that bottle of wine. Frasier: Oh, right. I met your charming boyfriend. Regan: Scott. Frasier: Scott. Regan: And he's not my boyfriend anymore. Frasier: Oh, well, he wasn't really all that charming... Regan: [laughs as doors open] Well, it's nice seeing you again, Frasier. Frasier: Likewise. Regan exits into the elevator as Frasier enters back into the apartment with a pensive look. Frasier: Wasn't that interesting? I just ran into Regan. Seems she's not seeing that Scott anymore. Martin: What, the ballplayer, is she nuts? He had money and looks, the whole package. Frasier: Dad, let him go! Martin: Are you going to ask her out? Frasier: I don't know, every time I've had a chance to get close to Regan, it seems I end up looking ridiculous. Still, she did make a point of letting me know she was single again. Perhaps she's hinting for another ride on the "Frasier-go- round." Martin: Now, if we could just figure out why you always look ridiculous! Donny enters talking into his mobile phone. Donny: Look, please, you're my last chance, Vinny's already... No, I understand, I understand, don't worry about it, bye. [hangs up] Frasier: Problem? Donny: Yeah, it's my bachelor party, my best man can't arrange it and I'm having a hell of a time trying to find somebody to fill in. Frasier: Well, Donny, if you're looking for someone to throw you an appropriate shindig, I'd be willing to volunteer. Donny: Oh. [worried] No, no, no, no, I don't think so, it's okay, I just don't want to impose... Frasier: No, no, it's no trouble at all, really. Donny: [definite] No, no, no, no! It'll be fine, but thanks for the offer, though. [doorbell sounds] Frasier, I don't think we're talking about the same kind of party. Frasier: Donny, if you're letting my reputation as an aesthete cloud your judgment, I assure you I am just one of the guys, capable of getting down and dirty with the rest of them! [laughs] Frasier opens the door to the doorman, who has a garment bag over his arm. Doorman: Your jacket, Dr. Crane. Frasier: [takes it] Dear God! You never fold cashmere, you'll mis- direct the knap! Get out! [closes the door] Donny, give it some thought. Donny looks apprehensive. [SCENE_BREAK] SHE'S SAVING THE REST OF THE BEAR FOR LATER Scene Two - Café Nervosa. Frasier and Roz sit together. Frasier: Morning, Roz. Roz: Hey, Frasier. Help me decide something. Frasier: All right. Roz: I'm thinking about getting my eyes done. It's a little expensive... Frasier: Now, now, Roz. Cosmetic surgery's a drastic step. I mean, if you're worried about those bags under your eyes, why don't you try just a different concealer, perhaps a good night's sleep once in a while. Roz: I meant the laser procedure so I could see without my contacts! Frasier: [to waiter] Can I have my usual, please? Thank you. Niles enters with a newspaper. Niles: I just saw the most incredible thing, you won't believe it. Roz: What is it? Niles: You have to see it for yourself, mere words cannot... [notices Frasier's jacket] Ooh, new jacket? Frasier: Yes, just came today. Niles: It's nice stitching. Frasier: Thank you, chrystal! Niles: No. Frasier: Yes. Niles: Is there something wrong with the knap? Frasier: Oh my God, is it that obvious...? Roz: [annoyed] Would you knock it off, what is so amazing? Niles: All right, come here, come here. Niles leads Frasier and Roz to the window overlooking the street. Niles: Right, you see that rotund woman coming out of "Chock Full Of Donuts"? [they nod] Watch, before she gets in her car she will finish that bear claw and then go back in, this is her third time. Frasier: That's what you brought us over here for, to gawk at some poor woman's struggle with junk food? Roz: Big deal, so she's overweight, you don't need to point it out! Niles looks at them confused. Frasier and Roz head back to their table. Roz: It's rude. Frasier: It's childish. Niles: It's Maris! The two run back to the window. Roz: [laughs] No way! Frasier: Dear God, are you sure, Niles? Niles: I'm positive. Frasier: It's hard to believe that's the same frail woman who once sprained her wrist from having too much dip on a cracker. Niles: Maris was always chubby as a child, her whole life she was obsessed with keeping weight off. Roz: Something must have snapped! Niles: But literally, when she saw me she swallowed and her necklace exploded from the pressure. Oh, oh, oh, there she goes, back for more. Frasier: Gosh. Niles: You know, when I last saw her at Christmas she was her usual tiny self. Niles and Frasier walk back to the table. Frasier: Wait, Niles, wasn't that about the time you started dating her plastic surgeon? Niles: Actually, it was. Do you think that could have triggered some sort of binge? Frasier: Well... Niles: Well, this isn't going to help. [hands him newspaper] Mel and I are in the society page today, that's our picture at the symphony benefit. I shudder to think how Maris'll react to that, you know how petty and jealous she can get. Frasier: They never take a photo of me and I'm in the conductor's circle! Roz sits back with them. Roz: Well, she moved next door to "Italian Deli." The guy just took the two-foot salami out the window. Niles: I can't face her now. That salami string should keep her busy until I can get to my car. Niles exits and Frasier holds the paper after him. Frasier: Niles... Roz: [notices] Hey, is that Niles in the paper? Frasier: Yes, he just happened to have a copy with him! As if anyone cares about such trivial matters! Roz: Oh, yeah, right. This is eating you up, you live for this hoity-toity crap. Frasier: Thank you, I certainly do not. Why does everyone think that? You know, just this morning, Donny said I was too fussy to throw him a bachelor party. Roz: Well, you did give off kinda a fussy vibe. Frasier: Well, there are other sides to my personality. I remember back in my Boston days, you know, I mean, I had a regular bar and a regular bar stool, I even had a tab! Roz: Well, if you go back you should try having a beer! Frasier: [gives her a look] Oh gosh, you know, maybe I have become stuffier. The highlight of my week was the arrival of my hand-tailored coat. Maybe it's time I loosened up a bit, try to tone down the whole fuddy-duddy image. [dials mobile] Oh, Donny, it's Frasier. Listen, I would really like to throw that bachelor party for you. No, no, I assure you I know what goes on at one. Yes, I'm quite, quite qualified. Oh really? I promise you a night of such unrepentant debauchery that the mere memory will delight you in your old age, that is if you should survive the night! [laughs, then to Roz] Do you think I'm overselling it a bit? Roz: Maybe a tad. Frasier: All right. [to Donny] That's great, oh, great, great, thanks, Donny. I'll tell you what I'm going to do, I'm going to go out and find you a stripper! He-ha, maybe even more than one. [laughs] You bet! [hangs up] Roz: Strippers, huh? Frasier: You betcha, a couple of real red hot mommas! Roz: You don't even know where to find one, do you? Frasier: Not a clue! [SCENE_BREAK] MY KINGDOM FOR TWO QUARTERS Scene Three - Seattle Streets. Frasier arrives and notices two stands of papers. One is clearly marked as a sx magazine in yellow. He checks around to see if no-one is looking and puts the money into the machine. He opens it and takes out a magazine, however he gets his new jacket caught in the machine. He tries to pull it out yet he fails. Then Regan enters from a flower shop behind him and notices him. Frasier: [pulling his coat] Damn! Damn! Damn! Open, damn you! Regan: Frasier. Frasier: [notices her] Regan! Well, this is certainaly my lucky day, running into you twice. Gosh, I guess this must look a little strange. Regan: Really, it's none of my business. Frasier: No, no, actually, it's quite an amusing story. You see, I was just getting a "Seattle Times" here and I got my coat stuck in the machine. Regan: That's not the "Seattle Times." Frasier: Hmm? [looks at the paper] Dear God! They should label these things more clearly, this is some sort of a smut rag! Regan: It was nice seeing you. Regan gets into the cab and leaves Frasier: Regan... Regan...! Ah... End of Act One Act Two Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier is on the phone as Martin reads a newspaper Frasier: [on phone] Well, if you get any in, could you please call me? Thank you. [hangs up] Gosh, I'm off to one helluva start with this bachelor party. First the debacle with Regan, now "Sid's Novelty Shop" is completely out of naughty coasters. Martin: Oh, would you stop moping, it'll all work ass. It becomes apparent that Martin is reading the smut magazine. Frasier takes it off of him. Frasier: For God's sakes! What the hell are you doing? Donny enters with Daphne from her room. Donny: Honey, if your head hurts, you don't have to go. Daphne: No, I'll be fine. Oh, Dr. Crane, I just want to tell you how happy I am you're throwing Donny's bachelor party. Frasier: Oh, well, there you see, at least someone thinks I'm capable of throwing a... Donny: [interrupting] ...nice low-key party just like my honey bunny insisted. Daphne: Honestly, why men have to celebrate getting married by having bouncing buzzums shoved in their faces. [Donny pretends to act disgusted] If I know Dr. Crane, your party'll be over by nine- thirty, we could all go out for dinner afterwards. Donny: Oh, that'd be swell. Donny and Daphne exit. Frasier: Gosh, you know, if Daphne's so down on this whole bachelor party idea, maybe I should throw a more sedate one. I don't want to get Donny in trouble. Martin: Listen, your job's to give him the party he wants. Everything else is between them. It's absolutely none of your boobs! Frasier pulls the sx mag away from him again as the doorbell sounds. Frasier goes to answer it. A beautiful blond policewoman enters called Dinah. Dinah: Frasier Crane? Frasier: Yes. Dinah: I'm looking into a report of vandalism of a newspaper vending machine on Euclid Avenue, does that sound familiar to you? Frasier: Well, I may have been in the area earlier today, er... Dinah: Somebody on the scene recognized you as the perpetrator. Are you away of the penalty for vandalism? Martin: Uh-oh! Frasier: Well, I may have dented the machine a little, but I... Dinah: [pushes him back onto couch] Frasier Crane, you have the right to remain... [takes hat off and dangles her hair] ...aroused. [she rips open her coat showing him her blue sparkely bra as music begins to play from her belt] Anything you see can be rubbed against you. [she begins to clamber on top of him, he holds her back] Martin: She's a stripper! Frasier: I get it, Dad. Thank you, officer. Martin: I knew that Daphne was going to be gone most of the afternoon so I figured I'd help you out. Boy, if you hire her for Donny's party, he'll put you in his will. Dinah buttons her shirt back up. Dinah: So, do I get the job? [Daphne enters] Frasier: I think you certainly seem qualified. Er, overqualified! Daphne: What's going on? Martin: Daphne! Frasier: Er, well this is [reads badge] Officer Nasty. She's leaving the police force and I'm thinking of hiring her as the housekeeper, you see. I mean, once you marry Donny, you'll still be Dad's physical therapist, of course, but, er, we'll need someone around here to help with the chores, won't we? Martin: Weren't you supposed to be out with Donny today? Daphne: Yeah, I was, but I've got a splitting headache. So, how long have you been on the force? Frasier: You know, er, I was just about to show the officer around the house and, er, discuss terms. [doorbell sounds] Daphne: All right, it was nice meeting you, Officer Nasty. Dinah: Yeah. Dinah and Frasier exit as Daphne opens the door to Niles and Mel. Mel is very distraught and Niles is trying to calm her down. Mel: Don't tell me to calm down! It's a complete disaster, she'll ruin me. Martin: What's going on? Niles: It's Maris, she saw the picture of us today and she's determined to take it out on Mel. Mel: Yes, she's telling everyone I caused her weight gain by nicking her thyroid during a neck tuck. I've already had three cancellations. She never thinks about anyone but herself! Daphne, get me a cup of tea. Daphne: Actually, I have a bit of a headache. Mel: Oh, you could be coming down with something, wash your hands first. [Daphne looks angry] Niles: Oh, you've got to calm down, your shoulders are so tense. Oh, you know, Daphne gives a wonderful massage, it might be just the thing for you. Daphne: Actually, I was planning on taking a nap. Mel: Oh, good, so you're not busy. Shall we do it in your room? Niles: You two run along, I'll take care of the tea. [touching Daphne's hand] I really appreciate this, Daphne. Daphne: [doing it just for Niles] You're welcome, Dr. Crane. Daphne and Mel exit. Martin: Niles, guess what your brother's doing? Niles: Pressing his new blazer? Martin: Yeah, against a stripper! Niles: What? Martin: Yes, he's interviewing her in his room for Donny's bachelor party, but don't tell Daphne. Niles: And how exactly do you interview a stripper? Martin: I don't know but I bet there's a real show going on in there. CUT TO: Frasier's Bedroom. Dinah is sat on the bed wearing only her underwear as Frasier shows her how it's done. Frasier: Keep the gun in it's holster until the very end, you see, that way your act has more... impact, shall we say? [takes gun out] Bang, bang, bang, bang. Dinah: Men seem to like my act the way it is. Frasier: Oh, well, I certainly can't tell you about attracting men but I do know a thing or two about showmanship. Tell me, what sort of encore do you have? Dinah: I don't have an encore. Frasier: Trust me, with this act we're going to need one. Er, I have an idea... CUT TO: Living Room Niles arrives back from Daphne's room. Niles: Well, Mel's all set up with Daphne. Martin: Oh, maybe we ought to tell Frasier this is a good time to get that stripper out of here. Martin goes to the corridor and finds Frasier peering out. Frasier: Dad? Martin: Fras, okay, coast is clear, everything's fine. Frasier: Not exactly. Frasier enters with Dinah handcuffed to his wrist. Martin: How did that happen? Dinah: Lord of the Dance here decided I needed an encore. Frasier: Well, I assumed you had the key. Dinah: I never use them! Frasier: Right, we'll just have to cut them off. Martin: [heading to kitchen] All right, well come on in here. Niles: [following her in admiration] I'm Niles. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Daphne's Room. Mel is lying facedown on Daphnes bed, naked underneath a towel. Daphne kneels beside her, massaging her. Daphne: Now, you might come to a point where you feel like you can't take it anymore. I call that "phase one." She digs in hard, Mel screams in agony. Mel: Are you sure you know what you're doing? Daphne: I know exactly what I'm doing. [digs her elbow into the back of Mel's neck, making her scream again] Just relax. Mel: Oh, this is all Maris's fault. You know, she actually called me and said she'd lay off if I stopped seeing him. Daphne: What did you say? Mel: Well, I hung up on her. How insane is this woman? She thinks I'd give up Niles to protect my practice? I'm crazy about him. The way he laughs, the way he gets that little glint in his eye when he's about to say something clever... Daphne stops, and there is a long shot of her face as Mel goes on. Mel: But do you know why I love him the most? It's like there are all these things that he could be if he could just trust someone enough to help him unlock it all. And if I could be that person - you know, that safe person in his life - well, the more I know him, the more I know that's all I want to be. [pause, as she realizes Daphne has stopped] Daphne? Daphne massages her, and Mel lets out a groan of pleasure. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Kitchen Frasier and Dinah have their hands over a cutting board. Martin saws at the chain, to no effect. Frasier: It isn't working Dad, there's only one thing left to do. Martin: [panics] Well, I gotta warn you, I'm not as good a shot as I used to be. We'll have to go out on the balcony, I need a cup of coffee to steady my nerves! Frasier: Dad! I meant go to a locksmith. Martin: Oh, thank God, let's go. Reset to: Living Room The three enter where Niles is. Dinah: Well, wait, hold on, I have to put something on. [doorbell sounds] Niles: Wait, I'll get it. [looks through spy glass] It's Maris. At least, I think it is. You need a bigger peep hole. Frasier: What on earth is she doing here? Niles: I have no idea, but we can't let her anywhere near Mel, especially now that Maris has the weight advantage. We hear loud banging on the other side of the door. Martin: Take her into Frasier's room. Frasier: Wait, wait, wait, I can't let her see me like this, she'll blab it all over town. Martin: Get in the bathroom, I'll call you when she leaves. Frasier and Dinah rush into the powder room as Niles opens the door. Reset to: Powder Room. Frasier and Dinah are sat waiting Frasier: You know, seeing as how we have a minute or two here, I may as well take this opportunity to end the suspense. You've got the job. Dinah: I've got a little news for you too: I've been on the clock since you slapped the cuffs on me. Frasier: Fair enough. Dinah: It's freezing in here. Frasier: Oh, let me. I seem to remember doing this back in my college days, fraternity hazing. Frasier takes off his jacket and passes it along the handcuffs onto Dinah inside-out. Frasier: There you are. Dinah: Here we go. Thank you. Frasier: It's hand-stitched. Martin: [o.s.] Frasier, come on out. Frasier: All right, we're outta here. Reset to: Living Room. Frasier and Dinah exit the powder room. Martin: My God, have you seen Maris? Frasier: Yes, Dad, I know. Did Niles calm her down? Martin: Yeah, he took her to your room but he had to butter her up a little. Frasier: I was afraid that narrow doorway might pose a problem. Reset to: Hallway Frasier and Dinah are about to exit, however he sees Regan in the hallway with a bag of groceries. Frasier shoves Dinah back inside and rests against the door. Regan: Frasier. Frasier: Regan, hello. Er, listen, sorry about this afternoon. Regan: Oh, forget about that, it was no big deal. By the way I was wondering if you'd be available to... Regan drops all of her groceries. Frasier: Good Lord. Regan begins to pick them back up. Frasier can only stand and watch. Frasier: No need to be embarrassed about that, I do that sort of thing all the time. You were saying? Regan: Let me get all this cleaned up first. [look at Frasier for help] Frasier comes to her aid by kicking a lost cabbage over to her. Frasier: There you go. You know, I'd gladly have helped you, it's just that I've hurt my back you see. Oh, oh gosh, oh, oh, it's seizing up again. You know, maybe it would be best if I just went back inside, crawled into bed, good night. Reset to: Living Room He ducks back inside and closes the door. Martin has now gone. Frasier: It's going to be a moment. Dinah: I figured. Daphne: [o.s., entering] I'm just going to make us some tea. Frasier: Back inside. Frasier pushes Dinah into the powder room and is about to follow her when Mel and Daphne enter. Frasier hides Dinah behind the door. Mel: Frasier, you're a lucky man having this woman on your staff. Thank you again, Daphne. Daphne: You're welcome. Niles then enters from the kitchen with masses of food. Mel: Niles, where are you going with all that food? Niles: Em... Dad is not feeling well, so I thought I'd bring him some comfort food. And, er, by the way, if anyone's going out, Dad specifically requested something called a chilupa. Niles exits to Frasier's room as the doorbell sounds. Frasier: Er, Daphne, would you mind getting that? Daphne: You're not serious? Frasier: You are on the staff after all. Daphne angrily marches to the door and opens it to Regan. Regan: Hi, Daphne. Daphne: Hey, Regan, come on in. [she does] Regan: Em, oh, Frasier, I was concerned about your back. Daphne: You hurt your back? Frasier: No, no, it was just a spasm. See, leaning against the wall like this, it actually feels a lot better. Mel: Is it upper back or lower? Frasier: Middle. Actually, if you could all just leave me alone, really I'm fine just here. Daphne: Why don't we just get you onto the couch? Frasier: No, no, no, please, please, I know what I'm doing. Regan: We'll each take a side. Frasier: No, stop! Mel: Frasier, it could be a parasic strain. Daphne: Or a bulging disc. Regan: Yes, impinging on your lumbar nerves. Frasier: Yes, it could easily be anyone of those things, but did you also consider that it might be... [brings Dinah out] the stripper chained to my wrist! The three look shocked. Daphne: Officer Nasty! Frasier: Everyone, this is Dinah. You see this all happened because I was trying to prove that I'm a normal guy, capable of doing normal guy things like throw a bachelor party - and Daphne, Donny didn't know anything about it so I wish you'd just lighten up. Regan, I can't even imagine where this must put us. I guess it's time I just accept the fact that things will never work out between us. You are certainly not to blame. After today, I can't see that any woman would even want to go out with me. Dinah: I think I would. Frasier looks rather gleeful as Daphne, Regan and Mel look in shock. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment. Martin is sat in his chair as Frasier enters that evening. Martin: Hey, Fras. Frasier: Oh, hi, Dad. Martin: [suggestive] How was your date? Frasier: Well, it was nice. We had a beer, talked a bit... Martin: She has a helluva body, doesn't she? Frasier: Dad, that was not what this evening was about. This evening was about taking a chance, getting to know a different sort of woman. It turns out she's really quite interesting, Dinah. She's working her way through grad school, she lives with her mother, she's extremely well-read, she even speaks a couple of languages. Martin: Well, it makes you wonder, doesn't it? Frasier: Yes, it does, doesn't it? It makes you wonder how eager we are to judge a book by its cover, how willing we are to stereotype... Martin: No, I mean, it really makes you wonder what that mother looks like! End of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] Martin is reading the magazine again when Daphne comes by. He quickly hides it from view. When she has gone, he begins to look at it again only to have it swiped off of him by Daphne who is on her way out with Eddie.	Plan: A: his best man; Q: Who is Donny having trouble with? A: Frasier; Q: Who volunteers to organize Donny's bachelor party? A: Daphne; Q: Who is relieved when she finds out that Frasier is going to organize Donny's bachelor party? A: a low-key, civilized event; Q: What does Daphne think Frasier will organize for Donny's bachelor party? A: Martin; Q: Who invites a stripper to the apartment? A: the apartment; Q: Where does Rachel York show up for an interview? A: a policewoman; Q: What was Rachel York dressed as? A: difficulty; Q: What does Frasier run into when he gives Rachel York some suggestions about her act? A: an encore; Q: What did Rachel York want to do for her act? A: a key; Q: What is needed to release Rachel York? A: Regan; Q: Who is Frasier's neighbor? Summary: Donny is having trouble with his best man , who cannot organize his bachelor party , so Frasier volunteers to make the arrangements for him. Daphne is relieved when she finds out, predicting that Frasier will organize a low-key, civilized event. Martin decides to help out by inviting a stripper ( Rachel York ) to the apartment for an interview, and she turns up dressed as a policewoman. Frasier runs into difficulty when he gives her some suggestions about an encore for her act, and they end up handcuffed together, without a key to release them. Frasier then has to do his best to hide this fact from Daphne, and numerous visitors, including Mel, Maris and his neighbor, Regan.
Opening scene - The first thing we see is a black screen, and we can hear the repeated echo of Marissa saying to Ryan "my life just doesn't work without you" we then hear the sound of waves at the beach and we see Marissa at her lifeguard tower. this changes to Trey howling on the beach that night, while we can hear the howling we can see Trey slam Marissa down on the sand and get on top of her, we hear the echo of Marissa saying "get away" and also Ryan saying "he's my brother". we see Treys head leaning down towards a scared Marissa. this goes black and then we see the night of the shooting, we hear the echo of Marissa saying "Trey get off of him, please! and we can see the scene where Trey holds the phone above his head, about to smash Ryan with it. we then hear Marissa say "you're killing him" and the faint sound of the gun firing, we then see Marissa fire it and hear the sound of the shot more loudly. we see a close up of Treys bloody, stunned face. much clearer/brighter than we did in 224, we then hear the sound of like a tape being fast forwarded. we see a stunned Marissa gradually sitting on the ground, dazed and out of it. we see Trey turn around and look at Marissa, then the vision of Trey freezes dramatically before disappearing altogether. we then see an eye open suddenly, in an otherwise dark scene. the eye blinks and the camera zooms out to show that its Marissa, she is very shaken up and breathing heavily. she looks over at Summer who is asleep next to her before getting out of bed and grabbing her cell phone, she goes to sit in the hall by herself. she then dials a number - we now see a sleeping Ryan in the pool house, he is woken up by his phone ringing. he rolls over and turns on the light, which makes him screw up his face from the brightness, then he leans on his elbow and answers the phone Ryan: yeah Marissa: hey, it's me Ryan: (sits up) are you ok Marissa: no (upset) I mean yes but I had a dream, and Trey was there again and so were you an it was happening all over, look I'm sorry to wake you up ok I'm just scared Ryan: I know, I know but you don't have'ta be (sighs) Treys gone (Marissa still looks shaken up) everythings fine...you should go back to sleep ill talk to you tomorrow ok Marissa: ...ok (hangs up) (Ryan hangs up - a now awake Summer goes and sits with Marissa) Marissa: hey Summer: (yawns) nightmares huh, you know at first I thought you were just a sweaty sleeper, didn't wanna say anything, but Marissa: (looks at Summer) I guess I thought if I slept with you (raises eyebrows) they'd go away Summer: have you talked ta Ryan about it Marissa: I try, but I mean you know he is Summer: yeah, not much with words Marissa: an he went through it with me, he should understand Summer: (softly) I know (shrugs) well I'm here (Marissa nods, sadly) what Marissa: I just wish that Ryan knew that that was all he had ta say Summer: yeah (rubs Marissa's back comfortingly. aww) (Ryan is lying back down now, he puts his hands on his face then sits up and grabs the phone, he looks at it for a few seconds as if he wants to dial, but then he puts it down and turns off the light. we see the darkened pool house from outside) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen, morning - Sandy, Kirsten, Ryan and Seth are all in there together. Sandy and Kirsten are excited about Ryan's first day back at Harbor! Kirsten: so, you have your new class schedule Ryan: right here (holds it up, smiles) Sandy: (hands Ryan bottled water) you got all your supplies Ryan: in the bag Seth: you guys he's ben in school before (refuses water from Sandy) he knows how'ta do it Kirsten: we're just glad you're back at Harbor Sandy: make sure nothing goes wrong, Dr Kim was very clear Ryan: I know, I know I can't get'in any trouble and I won't, don't worry (smiles) (Ryan and Seth leave) Kirsten: (smiles, shrugs) just you and me Sandy: how bout another cup 'a coffee Kirsten: (grins) don't mind if I do (we now see Kirsten and Sandy walking outside together towards the table) Sandy: you an me an the house to ourselves...I could get use'ta this Kirsten: aaaah if I never set foot in an office again Sandy: well hopefully you won't have to, found a buyer for the Newport Group Kirsten: (sits) music to my ears Sandy: (drinks) well, if the meeting goes well tomorrow, I'm gonna sign the papers Kirsten: (pleased) then sayonara Newport Group Sandy: are you ok with that Kirsten: with what Sandy: walking away from the company that your father built (shakes head) you spent fifteen years there Kirsten: an it took me that long ta realise I hated it...ah Sandy I'm ready ta let it go (nods) (Sandy smiles and holds his coffee out to Kirsten as if to say "cheers" Kirsten does the same back) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Summer are walking together outside Seth: Ryan an Marissa haven't broken up in weeks, its gotta be a new record Summer: I know, but I feel a break up coming, I have a sixth sense about those two Seth: well they break up they get back together, whatever, it's their natural cycle it has ta do with the tide Summer: nooo it's different now, if they break up Marissa could disappear (Seth looks at her) she could get swallowed up at Newport Union, it's like the Bermuda Triangle Seth: (reassuringly) it's a school, an its two miles away (ruffles Summers hair) (Summer and Seth are now inside) Summer: look, I don't care it's just those two need ta log in some serious couple time or our little foursomes gonna shrink to about half Seth: (sees Ryan) hey man, hows it feel bein back, we're gonna go get coffee Ryan: ah excellent, its good you know got alotta work ta do (Seth nods) yeah I gotta study all weekend Summer: well, you can't study all weekend we got plans Ryan: we do Summer: yeah um Cohen invited Marissa an I over for dinner tonight an you can't hide from us in your own home (they are now in the student lounge) Ryan: uhh I don't know, I think I should back off for a little while, I mean havin me back in school cant be easy for Marissa, least I can do is give her some space Summer: space, no-no-no who needs space, Marissa she likes a short leash Seth: yeah listen, dinner tonight my house, I'm sure my moms at home right now cooking something disgusting, hi could I have three coffees please Summer: thankyou Ryan: alright fine, dinner (sighs) Seth: (looks over) oh god, incoming (we now see that Seth saw Taylor walking over to them, all cheery) Taylor: hi guys (smiles) have you heard about the lock in tomorrow night (Summer shakes her head) the entire senior class is gonna spend the night...in the gym Ryan: (softly, sarcastically) yes! Summer: ooooh, we can't make it (shakes head) Seth: yeah, I'm taking off my arm with a hack saw Taylor: oooh, well that's a shame (Seth nods) um your gonna have'ta miss that (nods) lock in's mandatory, counts as a class (points at Ryan) an I know you can't afford any cuts Ryan: (drinks, grins) we'll be there (points) Taylor: (laughs) super, its gonna be a blast (hands out flyers) we're even gonna make s'mores, we're using Bunsen burners ta simulate campfires (Seth throws the flyer over his shoulder) it's just a little idea I came up with Seth: (sarcastically) oh my god, that's genius (Summer smiles) Taylor: well um remember all you need to bring is a sleeping bag, and an open mind (taps side of head dramatically) (Taylor walks away. all three of them look annoyed, lol) Summer: there goes our Saturday night (Taylor stops and walks back) Taylor: oh um I almost forgot I'm gonna need a few guys ta help me set up tomorrow night so Seth an Ryan, figured you'd both be up for it, I mean I did pretty much get you back inta school (Ryan looks at her, grinning) so, ill see you tomorrow at two Seth: and there goes the rest of our weekend CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa walks over to Johnny, Casey & Dennis at the lockers Marissa: hey guys (Casey smiles) Dennis: Marissa, hey are you ready for this weekend Marissa: um I don't know, what's this weekend (Dennis puts his hand out as if to say "how can you live in Newport and not know" lol) Casey: the swells are comin in from Antarctica which means we're finally gonna get some height (goes over to Johnny) Marissa: mm-kay I have no idea what that means Johnny: I forgot (shakes head in disbelief) born an raised in Newport an never surfed a wave Marissa: (almost proudly) that's me Johnny: it means that after the flattest season ever, finally gettin some decent waves Dennis: (moves closer) we like ta welcome these southern swells with an ancient ritual known as Dawn Patrol Marissa: (thinks) does that mean you stay up all night an party before you surf (raises eyebrows) Dennis: (smiles) heeeeey she's not entirely hopeless (looks at Casey/Johnny, raises eyebrows) Casey: right, an you should totally come with us, I mean some of us are gonna hang out tonight even though the real festivities start tomorrow (Marissa looks from Casey to Johnny) Johnny: yeah, maybe (shrugs) we'll even teach you a few moves Marissa: or ill just sit on the sand (raises eyebrows) and watch (bell rings) Casey: ugh, c'mon Chili we have physics Dennis: Dawn Patrol, tonight (points at Marissa) grande awesomeness wooooo (Dennis and Casey walk off) Johnny: you got a free period too Marissa: ummm yeah (rubs nose/eyes) Johnny: (notices) you ok (Marissa looks at him) look a little tired Marissa: gee, thanks (smiles) Johnny: sorry Marissa: no it's ok, I haven't really ben sleeping...at all Johnny: too much coffee Marissa: mm'nah I don't think its that Johnny: ...bad dreams (Marissa stops walking and looks at Johnny, Johnny looks at Marissa) Marissa: maybe, something like that Johnny: (looks at Marissa) come on, let's hit the vending machines, my treat Marissa: how could I say no (smiles) CUT TO: Yacht club - Julie walks in and we see Charlotte already sitting a table reading the menu. Julie walks over to her Julie: hey (smiles) Charlotte: hey (stands, hugs Julie) Julie: good news, the movers showed up with my stuff (sits) our place is almost livable Charlotte: wonderful, we should celebrate, ooooo (leans forward) in fact I should throw you a housewarming Julie: oo well thanks, but you've already done enough favours for me (looks at Charlotte) its getting a little creepy Charlotte: oh come on, I'm gonna be goin ta Aspen in a few weeks, Marissa's gonna move in an you two are jus gonna forget all about me, at least let me throw a party before I go Julie: (reluctant) I don't know, I'm a little low on the friends these days Charlotte: ah, everybody bailed on you when you lost your money huh Julie: you should see them at Cardio Barre, they don't even look me in the eye, I use'ta rule that class Charlotte: (shakes head) same thing happened ta me when I first got outta rehab, all the New York women just iced me (frowns) Julie: how did you dea Charlotte: well, I thought about leaving (raises eyebrows) but instead I threw a party (Julie raises eyebrows) black tie benefit, it was the smartest thing I could've done, it raised alotta money for a good cause an I got my life back Julie: yeah well, I can't throw those anymore, don't have the cash or the clout Charlotte: well I could help you, I mean of course we'd need Kirsten but (sits back) it would really be good for you Julie, I think you should think about it (Julie blinks, considering) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Marissa walks in holding books, Summer is already in there reading a magazine on her bed Marissa: hey Summer: hey, you up for dinner tonight the Cohen's wanna have us over Marissa: uh sure, but I'm gonna have'ta meet you there cause I told Johnny id hang with him at the beach Summer: hm (looks at Marissa) again with the Johnny Marissa: (frowns) Casey an Chili are gonna be there too, I guess these swells are coming in (frowns) an if your a surfer it's like Christmas Summer: (frowns, raises eyebrows) ooo Marissa: (grabs bag) you know you should come by tomorrow, check it out Summer: you know I would, I just uh I have'ta be imprisoned in the gym an forced ta eat s'mores (Marissa looks at her) yeah I wish I was kidding (nods) Marissa: wow, that sounds like a Taylor Townsend event, you know some days I really (raises eyebrows) don't miss life at Harbor Summer: mm-hmm Marissa: so um I guess ill see you at the Cohen's (leaves) Summer: oook, see ya (raises eyebrows) wouldn't wanna be ya CUT TO: The beach - we see some surfers out in the water. then Marissa walking down on the sand near the lifeguard tower. she walks over to Johnny who is standing nearby in a wet suit, with a towel draped around his shoulders Marissa: hey, where is everyone Johnny: Casey's on her way, Chili's still out there (points) see in the distance (Marissa looks) that kid, wipin out (we see a guy come off his board and hit the water hard) Marissa: whoa, ouch Johnny: (sighs) anyways you jus caught me on a break, wanna sit Marissa: sure (Marissa and Johnny walk forward a little) Marissa: it's so beautiful out here (sits) almost makes me wish I surfed Johnny: yeah I'm tellin you, it helped me (Marissa looks at him) you know with my sleep..everything really Marissa: ...you wanna talk about it (Johnny looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at Johnny) Johnny: ...um I don't know about you but I'm freezing, I'm gonna run ta the car an grab a sweatshirt, you wanna come Marissa: sure um let me just call Summer (Marissa and Johnny stand up) Johnny: do you...have to go Marissa: (looks at Johnny) no, no it's ok (Marissa takes out her cell phone. Johnny smiles and picks up his surfboard. Marissa walks with him) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - we see a big pot of what appears to be stew. Ryan lets go of the spoon that is in it, and frowns Ryan: what're you making (we can now see that Kirsten, Sandy and Seth are in the kitchen as well) Kirsten: beef stew Seth: ugh, can't we just order out like normal people Sandy: we are normal people, normal people cook (adds something to the stew) Seth: (sighs) I wonder if my poor mouth will ever taste pizza again Sandy: probably not because we are very abusive parents cooking for you like this (smiles) (Summer walks in) Summer: hey Kirsten: hey Summer (smiles) your just in time, we hope you like stew Summer: oh, it's my favourite Sandy: where's Marissa Summer: oh she can't make it she's busy Ryan: oh is she studying, cause uh I've ben known ta get her ta blow off some homework Summer: uh she's not studying (shakes head) (Ryan looks at her) she's at the beach with Johnny (Ryan looks at Summer confused. Kirsten and Sandy look at Ryan) Seth: Ryan try not ta punch Summer (Ryan looks at him) Summer: I'm just the messenger Ryan: yeah, that's alright really I mean she's with a friend she has'ta hang out with him Sandy: she probably just got held up Ryan: yeah (goes over to the table) Kirsten: well I guess there'll be more beef stew for everyone (Ryan looks disappointed) CUT TO: The beach - Marissa and Johnny are by the jeep. Marissa is leaning against the back and Johnny is putting on a jacket Johnny: you want one Marissa: yeah sure (stands) (Johnny puts his arm in the back of the car and pulls one out for Marissa) Marissa: thanks, hm central varsity baseball, I didn't know you played (puts on jacket) Johnny: I don't, not anymore, quit everything when I moved here (Marissa nods) new town new sports...I jus wanna start over Marissa: (looks at Johnny) what (Johnny looks at her then away) uh you don't have'ta tell me if you don't want to (Johnny and Marissa are now leaning against the railing, looking out at the ocean) Johnny: it's my dad...we had a...a fight...I haven't seen him since Marissa: an when was that Johnny: I don't know like three years ago (shrugs) four Marissa: (looks at Johnny, shocked) well have you tried calling him or contacting him Johnny: ...its not that easy...he was a...drunk...use'ta always go after my mom Marissa: you mean... Johnny: (nods) ...one day I jus snapped...came home from baseball practice (shakes head) an there he was...had her up against the wall, his hands around her neck (Marissa looks away) I just lost it Marissa: (looks at Johnny) lost it... Johnny: I took my baseball bat...I guess I just started beating him...I-I don't remember any of it (looks at Marissa) (Marissa listens) when I came to (swallows) he was unconscious...an I was covered in his blood Marissa: oh god Johnny: you know when I think back on that night (looks at Marissa) I didn't even know who I was...how I could've done that Marissa: (tears in her eyes, nods, relating) ...I know what you mean (Johnny looks at Marissa, then away. Marissa looks at him) Marissa: oh, Jonnny (rubs Johnny's back) I'm sorry Johnny: you wanna hear somethin crazy (swallows) ...your the first person I've told (looks at Marissa) (Marissa looks at Johnny - we then see Casey pull up in the parking lot. she gets out of her car then looks over and sees Johnny and Marissa standing together at the railing, Marissa puts her hand on Johnny's back and looks at him. Casey looks confused. this fades to Johnny and Marissa again, still standing together as the sun sets in front of them) CUT TO: Summers bedroom, next morning - Marissa is still sound asleep in bed, and Summer is standing next to the bed Summer: Coop (taps/pokes Marissa repeatedly) wake up Marissa: (stirs) mm, oooh, oh my god- let me sleep Summer: nup sorry cant let you do that, I waited up last night till like a million o'clock (shoves Marissa harder) where were you Marissa: I...I was with Johnny Summer: yeah, well I had fun explaining to the Cohen's that you couldn't make dinner because you were off romping on the beach with some surfer guy Marissa: I know, I'm sorry I missed it (rolls over) I meant ta be there Summer: yeah, well you weren't (glares at Marissa) an now I am finding (frowns) hm just suspicious articles of clothing lying around the room (Marissa looks at her, squinting) belonging ta strange men (holds up Johnny's jacket) I've seen unfaithful Coop, I know the signs Marissa: (sits up on elbows) Summer, I would never cheat on Ryan, ever Summer: (nods) ok, I knew that I just needed ta hear you say it (Marissa sighs and lies down) now why are you blowing off your boyfriend ta hang out with some random guy Marissa: (frowns) he needed ta talk Summer: well that's what his girlfriends for (raises eyebrows) Marissa: he needed ta talk ta me Summer: because he likes you (raises eyebrows) Marissa: he doesn't like me, we just have stuff in common Summer: (thinks) yeah, he's a surfer you're a shopper (sarcastically) totally make the connection Marissa: he...went through something, something like I went through an I don't know he just gets me Summer: (nods) ok, so Johnny gets you an what Ryan doesn't (raises eyebrows) Marissa: I didn't say that (frowns) besides he doesn't have a crush on me he has a girlfriend (rolls over) an if you don't believe me then why don't you come to the beach with us later Summer: (sighs) fine, I can go before the lock in, but you have'ta find your boyfriend an apologise ta him for last night CUT TO: Harbor school gym - Seth and Ryan are setting up Seth: so have you talked ta Marissa yet Ryan: uuh nah, got a message from her late last night no explanation just says she's sorry she's gonna stop by later today (Marissa walks in) Seth: (points) an right on cue (walks away) Marissa: (walks over) hey Ryan: hey Marissa: I'm sorry about last night, you must be mad at me Ryan: no, jus curious, where were you Marissa: I was talking ta Johnny Ryan: about Marissa: (worried) its personal (frowns) (Ryan looks at her) look I know how bad that sounds its jus, you've gotta trust me there's nothing going on between me an him Ryan: no no I believe you, I jus...I jus wanna make sure your alright (frowns) (Marissa moves away slightly) Ryan: what's up Marissa: (shrugs) well I'm still dealing with all of this stuff with Trey (Marissa looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Marissa helplessly. poor guy doesn't know what to do) Taylor: (calls) Ryan (Ryan looks over) we're on the clock here (laughs) chop chop (Ryan looks back at Marissa) Marissa: its ok...ill see you later... (Marissa leaves, Ryan just stands there) CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is in an office, and two men walk in. one is older looking and the other looks younger than Sandy Kurt: Mr. Cohen Kurt Williams (holds out hand) it's nice to meet you Sandy: (shakes hands) nice to meet you Kurt: id like you to meet my associate Matt Ramsey (Matt and Sandy shake hands) Kurt: he's a rising star in our company Sandy: good ta meet you, come on in gentleman (points) have a seat Kurt: thankyou, Mr. Cohen Matt an I are thrilled at the prospect of taking over the Newport Group (sits) Sandy: well I'm thrilled ta sell it to ya (sits) but I do have a condition, only one Kurt: course Matt: the Martinson Complex (Sandy looks at him, impressed) (to Kurt) there low income properties down by the water Kurt: ah-huh Sandy: (to Matt) you've done your homework, I fought my late father in-law tooth an nail ta get those up, an now I uh (sits forward) I gotta know they wont be destroyed (Kurt nods) even if they don't bring in much revenue Kurt: mm Matt: I totally agree, Mr. Cohen, its properties like those that are the heart an soul of a company like this Kurt: absolutely (looks at Sandy) Mr. Cohen id like to assure you that I intend to keep Caleb Nichols legacy in place Sandy: (looks at Kurt) so your not gonna knock em down an build another juice shop Kurt: you have my word Sandy: (nods) alright Kurt: (stands, smiles) terrific (Sandy and Kurt shake hands. Matt stands and shakes Sandy's hand. Sandy looks from Matt back to Kurt) CUT TO: Harbor school gym - we can see part of a sign, what we can make out in big red letters is ERE IS NO then underneath that in black is "I" then underneath that is EAM. if we could see the whole sign it would read THERE IS NO "I" IN TEAM. Taylor is holding it in her hands (we can now see that Seth is standing next to her) Taylor: I made these myself, they should help keep us psyched inta the wee hours Seth: yeah you're...talented, ok ill put em up (off screen we hear an annoyed "Taylor". Taylor looks over and sees an annoyed woman standing at the gym doors) Taylor: (walks over) mom, hi Ts mom: hurry I'm running late, I have your party favours in the car (Taylor nods) (scoffs) these your prisoners (Taylor looks at her) they look like they wanna be here just about as much as I do (Ts mom walks to her car and Taylor follows her - in the gym Seth stops and goes to walk back) Seth: tape would be a good idea (drops signs) Taylor (walks over to the door) Taylor, do we have any uh (Seth watches Taylor and her mom at the car) Ts mom: I mean really Taylor, locking in a bunch'a kids so you don't have'ta spend another Saturday night alone Taylor: mom that's not why I'm doing it (Seth watches/listens) Ts mom: baloni, your doing it because your lonely, if you'd just loosen up a little bit you would- Taylor: I would be one of the popular girls, I know mom Ts mom: (hands bag of supplies to Taylor) I'm off ta the club, if you need me ill be on my cell, Taylor, un-tuck your shirt (Taylor looks at her) your ass is so not made for low riders Taylor: ...got it (Ts mom leaves and Taylor heads back over to the gym. Seth moves away from the door) CUT TO: The beach - Summer and Marissa are walking on the sand together Summer: so there like really inta surfing here huh Marissa: yep, it seems ta be kind of a Newport Union obsession Summer: hmm (Johnny, Dennis & Casey walk up in their wetsuits) Johnny: (waves) Marissa Marissa: hey everyone, this is Summer Summer: hey (smiles) Dennis: (smiles) oh man I should'a known, hot chicks always travel in packs (Casey looks at him) Summer: (raises eyebrows) like wolves Marissa: uuhm that's Chili Dennis: (grins, waves) hi Casey: uh yeah don't listen ta anything that he says we think he was dropped on his head as a child (Dennis mouths "I love you" and points at Summer) Summer: (nods) well it'd make sense (laughs, shrugs) well it's nice to meet you guys Casey: (smiles) you too (two tough looking surfer guys walk over to them. one of them is Volchok) Volchok: hey Johnny (smiles at Summer/Marissa) see you found yourself a couple'a new groupies Johnny: (reluctantly) Summer, Marissa this is Volchok (Volchok makes a biting motion) he likes ta think he owns the waves (Summer screws up her face at what Volchok did) G: he's gotta be better than you Volchok: yeah, saw you go for a cut back out there an wipe (nods) it was nice Johnny: whatever man Volchok: oh no I'm jus sayin, your gonna have'ta do better than that if you wanna get on the pack west tour Dennis: (points) was that the tour that you tanked last year, or, cause there were a few (Volchok and his friend fake laugh) Johnny: Chili its cool (to Summer/Marissa) come on you guys let me show you where we can get some drinks Summer: bye? Marissa: kay (Chili wiggles a finger at Volchok and his friend as he walks passed, grinning) Volchok: hey Casey, hold up a second, I thought you were dating Harper Casey: I am (we see Johnny and Marissa walking together up ahead. Summer and Dennis are walking together a little behind them) Volchok: doesn't look like it (Volchok walks off and Casey watches them all, frowning) Johnny: (calls) Casey c'mon let's go CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Charlotte, Julie and Kirsten are in there together. Charlotte and Julie are facing each other, leaning against the counter/sink, Kirsten is down the end near the stove, with a kettle Charlotte: no its ben great, except for Julie leavin her wet towels all over the house (Kirsten laughs) Julie: well, life without a maid is an adjustment (Charlotte laughs) Kirsten: I can't believe you two living together, you must be having so much fun Julie: we are Charlotte: we both know how lucky we are to of survived the last few months so we've ben talking about finding a way to give back (they are now outside sitting at the table) Julie: we wanna throw a charity event, black tie, the club, hole nine yards Charlotte: for under privileged women, so that they can go ta rehab an have the same chance ta heal that we did Kirsten: well that sounds like a wonderful cause (smiles) (Julie smiles) Charlotte: (hopeful) so you'll help us throw it Kirsten: (looks from Charlotte to Julie) uhhh, well actually...I told myself id wait a while before I jump back into all that (Julie looks disappointed) you know those Newpsies (laughs) make you wanna drink (Charlotte and Julie look uncomfortable, we hear the kettle whistle, saved by the bell, lol) Kirsten: ahh, excuse me (leaves) (Julie looks at Charlotte) Charlotte: (holds up hand) ill handle this (follows Kirsten) (we now see Kirsten take the kettle off the stove and pour it into the smaller tea pot. Charlotte is watching her) Charlotte: look Kiki you know I am all for you takin your recovery slowly but (shrugs) I'm jus worried about Julie, I mean if she's ever gonna get back on her feet she needs a way back inta society Kirsten: Charlotte I understand but you two don't need me ta throw this Charlotte: (scoffs) of course we do, nobody in this town even knows me an...Julie couldn't get arrested, your name on the invitation would be a huge draw Kirsten: (thinks) I don't know... Charlotte: loo- do it for your friend, she needs you (Julie comes in) Julie: hey (Kirsten looks over) what're you guys talkin about in here Kirsten: uuuh I was jus...telling Charlotte how id love ta help (Kirsten smiles then looks at Charlotte. Charlotte smiles back) Julie: (suprised) really, you would Kirsten: mm-hmm (raises eyebrows) I'm in (Kirsten takes the tea outside. Charlotte looks pleased with herself and raises her eyebrows at Julie. Julie looks happy and suprised) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: The Beach - we see Johnny, Marissa and Summer walking up to like a beach house. we find out in a second that Dennis lives there, and he's standing there to greet them Dennis: yeah what's up, woooo, welcome to my casa (manly hugs Johnny) hey Summer, c'mon ill give you a little tour, show you my lair Summer: (looks at Dennis) you're a dweeb Marissa: (to Johnny) will you show me where ta drop my stuff (touches Johnny's arm) Johnny: sure, follow me (Summer watches Marissa and Johnny walk off together, she's getting worried) Summer: w-where's his girlfriend Dennis: (looks over) I don't know (more people arrive) hehe Dawn Patrol (points) you know what I'm talkin about (hugs a girl) (Summer is looking more worried - inside Dennis' house we see Johnny leading Marissa) Johnny: so I think this will officially make you the first girl in Chili's room Marissa: what an honour (Marissa follows Johnny in - Summer wanders inside and watches them) Marissa: (laughs) ooooh my god (picks up photo) is this you an Chili Johnny: (grabs the photo) oooh I forgot he had it (holds photo behind his back) Marissa: (tries to take it back) wait let me see that Johnny: no-no-no I'm sorry I cant do that Marissa: c'mon please, that's hysterica (Marissa is still trying to wrestle it off Johnny, Johnny isn't giving up) Johnny: come come on please Marissa: c'mon, you look cute, really (Summer is still watching them) Johnny: no it's not cute, a bowl cut an Power Rangers underwear isn't cute? Marissa: (laughs) yes it is (tries to stop laughing) please I promise, what if I promise I won't laugh (puts hand on mouth) mm-kay (Johnny sighs and shows it to Marissa, Marissa looks and cant help herself, she starts giggling again) Johnny: (takes it away) you lied, you liar! (Marissa still laughing, tries to get it back. she ends up with an arm around Johnny's neck, laughing hard) Johnny: ok, come on, no stop (Summer watches them, really worried now) Marissa: come on Johnny: come on Marissa: please Johnny: stop (Marissa has her hands around Johnny's waist, trying to get the photo which he's holding behind his back, she has both her hands on it) Marissa: stop being so sensitive Johnny: I'm a very sensitive person Marissa: we can laugh about it Johnny: no we cant, no (Summer frowns sadly, still watching them) CUT TO: Harbor school gym - Seth is lying on his back on one of those gymnast horse things. he looks really bored, his cell phone rings and he answers it Seth: hello (we see Summer at Dennis' house talking on her cell phone) Summer: hey it's me Seth: hey (sits up) where are you Summer: I don't know, some guy Chili's house on the end'a Dune road or something (frowns) Seth: ok (gets down) are you not aware the lock in's mandatory Summer: no I don't care about lock in right now, I jus need Ryan ta get here ok, it's an emergency Seth: why, what's the problem Summer: I can't get into it right now but- (Taylor takes Seth's cell phone off of him) Seth: uhhh Taylor: (hangs up) sorry, all cell phones must be surrendered at the door (Seth leans forward as if he wants to choke Taylor, but stops himself. it's hilarious!) Seth: the lock in hasn't even started yet Taylor: yes but your in the gym (Seth looks at her) believe me by making you exist in a world where we don't depend on technology to communicate with one another (points to herself and Seth repeatedly) I'm doing you a very serious favour (touches Seth's arm) (Seth screws up his face and shakes his head at Taylor as she walks away. Ryan walks over) Ryan: what was that about Seth: I don't know, Summer called she said somethin about you gettin ta some guy's house on Dune road right away (shakes head) some emergency Ryan: is it Marissa Seth: I don't know, my cell phone was confiscated (louder) which I do believe is a violation of my civil liberties Ryan: yeah I gotta go (Taylor notices Ryan heading to the doors) Taylor: where do you think your going Ryan Atwood (Ryan looks at her) if your not back here by the time the doors lock at nine pm, you're in very serious trouble (Ryan looks at her, Taylor looks at him smugly) Ryan: yeah I gotta go (leaves) CUT TO: Dawn Patrol Party at Dennis' - we see the range rover driving down a deserted beachy road. we then see Marissa and Johnny inside looking through CD racks together - outside Summer and Dennis are sitting next to each other watching Marissa and Johnny Dennis: I don't get it, why don't you like me Summer: (matter of factly) I'm already dating a dork (looks at Dennis) Dennis: hmm Summer: yeah (nods) Dennis: that kinda gives me inspiration (Summer raises her eyebrows and smiles at Dennis. Dennis grins and pats Summers leg) Dennis: (raises eyebrows) I'm wearin you down (Summer laughs and Dennis walks off - back inside Casey goes over to Johnny and Marissa) Johnny: (smiles) there you are (holds Casey around the waist) Casey: yeah I just needed a little disco nap (Johnny goes to kiss Casey and she pulls away) Johnny: are you ok Casey: yeah I'm fine (Marissa notices the tension. Casey and Johnny look at each other, Casey is clearly not happy) Marissa: ...I'm gonna go get (holds up cup) myself a refil (Casey watches Marissa walk away. Johnny turns Casey's head towards him) Casey: I'm fine, it's ok (Summer watches Casey and Johnny who are a little more affectionate and friendly now that Marissa isn't around) Summer: oooh crap (Summer takes out her cell phone and dials a number, after a few seconds we hear a message Seth: this is Seth its 2005 you know how these things work) Summer: hello, why am I getting your voicemail, Cohen look about Ryan abort mission, I repeat abort mission (Summer looks over and sees Ryan) Summer: or not (hangs up, calls) Atwood (Ryan looks over) hey (Ryan nods and walks over to Summer) Summer: you move quickly Ryan: yeah well Seth said Marissa'was in trouble Summer: oh, yeah, false alarm (nods) you know you should get back ta the lock in you don't wanna miss out on the s'mores Ryan: ah-huh, why'd you call me Summer: well I- (screws up face) (Ryan looks at her) I was jus worried about Johnny an Marissa Ryan: Johnny, you mean uh that Johnny (points) (we see Johnny and Casey still standing together, looking happy and adorable) Ryan: hangin with his girlfriend Johnny Summer: I have a bit of a hair trigger, but you should go before Marissa sees you (of course, Marissa now walks over) Marissa: Ryan, what're you doing here Ryan: I was uh jus checkin up on- Summer: me (Ryan and Marissa look at Summer) Summer: he wanted ta make sure that I had a ride ta the lock in Ryan: (plays along) she's low on gas (Johnny comes over) Johnny: hey Ryan, glad you could make it, c'mere an let me show you where you can get a drink (Marissa looks at Ryan. Ryan looks from Johnny to Summer) Ryan: id love to (Ryan walk off with Johnny, Marissa looks at Summer. Summer forces a smile. its getting close to sunset) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy is there with Matt Ramsey, the young guy from earlier. Kurt is nowhere to be seen :) Sandy: Matt thanks for comin Matt: sure, is there a problem with the sale or Sandy: well I was hopin you could tell me about that...lets talk about your boss Matt: well, he's a brilliant businessman Sandy: but I shouldn't trust him should I (shakes head, opens door for Matt) that handshake, that smile, oh I've met his type before, this town is full of em Matt: this is about the Martinson Complex, isn't it Sandy: (looks at Matt) yes (sits) I need ta know those people won't be displaced Matt: you know id love ta tell you otherwise but...Williams is gonna tear it down, whatever's not makin him a bundle, simple as that Sandy: (impressed) I appreciate your honesty Matt: well unfortunately honesty is not a valued commodity in this business Sandy: well, ta me it is Matt: (thinks) then don't sell ta Williams (Sandy listens) hang onta the company, ill help ya Sandy: (laughs) I don't know about that (raises eyebrows) I'm no business man, an you don't look much older than my son Matt: (sits forward) I'm twenty six, I graduated Magna Cum Laude from Berkeley (this gets Sandy's attention) Sandy: Berkeley Matt: I got my MBA in one year at Kellogg, an the last fourteen months I spent workin under Kurt Williams Sandy: well that's an impressive resume...but there's no substitute for life experience Matt: that's what you'll bring ta the table, me ill ill crunch the numbers ill do all the boring stuff (moves closer to Sandy) look, if you give me this opportunity, I will work my ass off for you, I promise Sandy: (shakes head) I've ben dodgin this business for the last twenty years Matt: think'a the change that you could bring ta this community if you had control over a multi-million dollar company Sandy: well I'm gonna have'ta think about that (nods) you know what that means don't you...I gotta ask my wife Matt: (laughs) course, look all I'm askin for...is a shot...six months (Sandy laughs and looks as though he's seriously considering it) CUT TO: Al Forno - Julie and Charlotte are at a table together discussing their event Charlotte: so I was thinking five grand a person Julie: mm-hmm that sounds fair, we'll have three courses (writes) Charlotte: perfect (also writes) (we hear Charlotte's cell phone ring. she takes it out and looks at who is calling) Charlotte: oh, one sec it's my dad again (answers, leaves table) hello Waiter: (puts bill down) did you need anything else Julie: uh (looks at bill) can you hang on a sec, my friend is treating (smiles) (the waiter stands there) Julie: actually (holds up finger) just a sec here um (Julie grabs Charlottes bag and pulls out a whole stack of cards, she looks through them) Julie: (frowns) let's see I'm not sure which one of these she might wanna use (we see Julie flicking through the different cards. the first one says California driver license Newport Beach etc, the second says New York State driver license, underneath those are 5 different VERSA credit cards, the first has Charlotte Morgan, the second has Kim Dropik, the third has Jennifer Donner, the fourth has Claire Schmitz and the last one has Michelle Simmons. Julie frowns then puts them all back in the bag) Julie: you know, why don't I just give you cash (smiles) (Julie puts cash down on the bill and the waiter happily takes it. she then looks as though she's thinking, she also puts Charlotte's bag back where it was) CUT TO: Dawn Patrol party at Dennis' - we see couples making out and dancing, and drinks being poured - we then see Marissa and Ryan outside together, it's now dark Ryan: so look I just want you ta know I'm-I'm only here cause Summer called me Marissa: you sure your not here because your freaked out about me an Johnny (raises eyebrows) Ryan: well I wasn't, but I'm starting ta think I should be...what's goin on with you guys Marissa: I...I don't know I just (shrugs) I can talk ta him Ryan: about what Marissa: (thinks) about...about...Trey (frowns) I guess Ryan: (almost hurt) you can't talk ta me about it Marissa: I try (shrugs) I mean I tried the other night Ryan: at four in the morning (raises eyebrows) Marissa: yeah an you told me ta go back ta sleep (Ryan looks at her) I mean it's like you wanna pretend it didn't even happen Ryan: yeah well what'do you want me ta do...I mean I can't fix this, I can't make it go away (Marissa looks away. Summer walks over) Summer: hey, hows it goin Ryan: great, look I gotta get ta the lock in Marissa: (looks at Ryan) ok, see ya (walks away) (Ryan raises his eyebrows and leaves) Summer: guys CUT TO: Harbor School gym - Seth is on a pay phone, we hear the ringing Ryan: hello Seth: hey Ryan where are you, where's Summer, you guys gotta get over here (we see that Ryan is still at Dennis') Ryan: I'm leavin, ill see you in a minute Seth: ok, well hurry up alright, I'm freakin out right now I'm...usin a pay phone an (shakes head) god knows what ancient strand'a lip herpes I'm contracting Ryan: that's disgusting, ill be there as soon as possible (hangs up) (Summer is following behind Ryan) Summer: Atwood (Ryan looks) wait up, I'm sorry I over reacted, I meddled, oh my god I'm Seth (closes eyes) Ryan: (smiles) its ok Summer: look I jus get nervous that we're gonna lose her, you know (Ryan understands) I cannot sleep tonight if you guys don't make up (begging) will you please jus go back in there an talk ta her (Ryan nods and smiles - inside Marissa is sitting on the couch with a couple making out beside her. Johnny sits down next to her) Johnny: where's Ryan Marissa: he's gone, we had an argument Johnny: you should call him (Marissa looks at him) you'll feel better if you talk to him Marissa: well is there somewhere I could go, somewhere quiet Johnny: yeah, come with me (Johnny and Marissa get up and head towards Dennis' room) Johnny: you can use Chili's room (opens door) (we see a guy and girl getting very hot and heavy on the bed. after a few seconds we see that it's Casey and the guy is Volchok from earlier. Casey is in her bra and Volchock is topless) Casey: Johnny (Johnny and Marissa look at them. Johnny is stunned. Casey quickly gets off the bed and pulls her pants up (they aren't down much) Volchok looks pleased with himself. Marissa looks as though she feels bad for Johnny. Casey does up her pants and runs out of the room passed Johnny and Marissa. Volchok goes over to Johnny) Volchok: you get my sponsorship (hits Johnny on the arm) I got your girl, seems fair ta me (to Marissa) how you doin, good (Marissa screws up her face at Volchok. as Volchok leaves we see Summer and Ryan standing there. Marissa puts her hand on Johnny's back - we now see Dennis, Ryan, Johnny, Marissa and Summer together. I think the party is over cause it's just them, and there's no music or anything anymore. Johnny and Marissa are sitting on the couch together) Dennis: I'm gonna kick Volchok's ass man, I mean I know the dudes crazy an he could probably break me with his bare hands but you know what, its worth it Marissa: (rubs Johnny's back) hey are you ok (Johnny doesn't say anything. Ryan looks down) Dennis: I know where he is too, by the dunes you know he's there with his (mocking) bros Summer: Johnny look if we can do anything jus let us know ok Johnny: (softly) thanks guys...I think I jus need ta be alone (Johnny grabs two beer bottles and goes into another room. Marissa mouths something to Summer, then we hear a knock at the door) Marissa: ill get it (Marissa gets up and goes to the door. its Casey) Marissa: (opens door) Casey Casey: is he here (looks) Marissa: yeah sure Casey: look jus so you know I'm not a terrible person (shakes head) (Marissa goes outside and closes the door behind her) Casey: (upset) I could just...see where all this was headed Marissa: (Frowns) what'do you mean Casey: the way he's ben looking at you...all your long secret talks Marissa: it's not even like that Casey: wake up Marissa (frowns) you may not know it yet but...he's falling in love with you an...I'm not gonna sit around an watch that happen (Marissa looks at Casey, frowning) Dennis: (off screen) Johnny's gone (Marissa and Casey go back inside) Dennis: he went after Volchok (Marissa looks at Casey, they both look worried) CUT TO: the front of Al Fornos - Charlotte and Julie are walking Charlotte: so you wanna stop an get a movie on the way home Julie: sounds good...just answer me one teensy question...who the hell are you (looks at Charlotte) (Charlotte looks at Julie, Julie glares at Charlotte) Charlotte: (laughs) what Julie: you heard me, I just saw what's in your purse, what like half'a dozen credit cards all with different names Charlotte: (looks at Julie) I think you an I have got a little misunderstanding Julie: please (closes eyes) there is not a lie in the world I haven't heard or told so just give it to me straight, it'll save us alot of time Charlotte: (nods, raises eyebrows) I was never gonna hurt you Julie Julie: right, you were just gonna scam me inta throwing a fake charity an leave me ta pick up the pieces so you could skip town Charlotte: (thinks) well what if you help me Julie: are you drinking again Charlotte: just hear me out, we raise a couple hundred grand, we split it then I disappear, your rich again an everybody in town sleeps better because they think they've helped a good cause (Julie looks at her, Charlotte looks at Julie) Julie: I'm not a criminal (walks away) Charlotte: you haven't had ta be yet (Julie stops) have you given any thought ta how your gonna support your family, I mean you don't have a man (shrugs) ta bail you out this time Julie (Julie looks at her) if your smart you'll take matters inta your own hands (Julie stands there thinking, Charlotte walks passed her) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Sandy are in there together, they have just finished a candle lit dinner and are clearing up the plates Kirsten: I thought you loathed corporate America Sandy: oh I do, I loathe it all, greed, republicans, navy suits Kirsten: (frowns) so why are you considering this Sandy: well after your father died I basically shut down my law practice so I could be with the Newport Group, an this might be a way ta make it all mean somethin, your work an mine Kirsten: well, if this is something that you want (looks at Sandy) you know ill support you Sandy: well what about you...if my takin over the company threatens any of the progress you've made (shakes head) Kirsten: I'm outt'a the woods now...its time for you ta get back ta making yourself happy (raises eyebrows) (Sandy looks at Kirsten, Kirsten smiles) CUT TO: Harbor School gym - Taylor is trying to get everyone organised Taylor: ok um if we could just um (motions) move it over ta the bleachers that would be great, great, everyone um can you-can you make your way over ta the bleachers, please yes everyone (Seth walks over) Seth: hey Taylor, Taylor (Taylor looks at him) hows it goin, so far this lock in (claps) it's awesome Taylor: not happening Seth Seth: (plays dumb) what, what's not happening Taylor: your kissing my ass so ill sign in Ryan an Summer Seth: no-no-no but actually, it turns out they got held up so if you could just uh cut them some slack that'd be great Taylor: Seth what I am doing here (dramatic pause) is creating an atmosphere of trust (Seth looks at her, barely following) now if I give your friends preferential treatment well then I've muddled the message haven't I Seth: (frowns, lost) what Taylor: now those doors (points) are gonna lock in twenty minutes, an if Ryan an Summer aren't here (shrugs) you can't save people Seth, they need ta save 'emselves (points) Seth: thankyou for your help... Taylor: go sit down (motions) go ahead (Seth reluctantly heads over to the bleachers) Taylor: (into mic) ok everybody, hi, so um lock in hasn't officially started yet but hey (smiles) we can still start the fun right (puts hand in air) whooo (laughs) who's in the mood for trust falls (in the crowd we hear someone yell "nobody") Taylor: so if you could...each find a buddy...preferably someone who you don't know very well (points) or even someone of a different race Geek: you're a loser (everyone laughs. Taylor looks at Seth. Seth looks down) Taylor: um... (Seth shakes his head and walks over to Taylor) Taylor: um... (Seth goes to take the mic, Taylor moves it away. in the crowd he were "sit down Seth") Taylor: (whispers) what're you doing up here Seth: I am going ta help you Taylor: I don't-I don't need your help, get off my stage Seth: ok-ok-ok (moves away) Taylor: ok um well maybe we'll just work up ta trust falls (Seth watches) why don't we turn ta the person next to us and tell them something about ourselves that um they may not already know Geek: Taylor - Townsend - SUCKS (somebody in the bleachers throws a shoe at Taylor, it barely misses her. everyone laughs. Seth walks back over) Seth: gotta watch out for those (takes mic) uhhh hi everybody my name is Seth Cohen, of the west coast Cohen's an I was feeling like we should all play a delicious game of capture the flag (we hear "bite me" from the crowd. Taylor watches Seth taking the hostility for her) Seth: now I should warn all of you I'm very talented at this game, yeah I was all camp capture the flag camp Takaho so Geek: you were all geek at camp geek (everyone laughs and another shoe is thrown. Seth dodges it) Taylor: (whispers) Seth, why are you doing this Seth: I can take it, I'm use to it (from the crowd we hear "Seth Cohen's a tool") Taylor: (whispers) thankyou Seth: (into mic) now listen (nods at Taylor) everyone to my right, your gonna be the red team, everyone to my left your gonna be the blue team (Taylor watches Seth, almost admiringly) CUT	Plan: A: Taylor; Q: Who throws a Harbor event? A: a Harbor event; Q: What does Taylor throw to separate Seth and Summer? A: Ryan; Q: Who is concerned about Marissa's new life at Newport Union? A: Sandy; Q: Who forms a new partnership with the Newport Group? A: the Newport Group; Q: Sandy works on a plan for what group? A: Charlotte convinces; Q: Who convinces Julie to involve Kirsten in her scheme? Summary: Taylor throws a Harbor event and plans to separate Seth and Summer. Ryan becomes concerned about Marissa's new life at Newport Union. Meanwhile, Sandy works on a plan for the Newport Group and forms a new partnership. Charlotte convinces Julie to involve Kirsten in her scheme.
A recap of 208 "The Impossible Planet". OPENING CREDITS INT. EXPLORATION DECK The Ood advance towards Jefferson, Rose and the other crew member. JEFFERSON: Open fire! He and the guard fire at the Ood, whilst Rose cowers. INT. CONTROL ROOM The shaking lessens slightly in the control room. ZACH: We're stabilising... The overhead shutters slide closed. ZACH (CONT'D): We've got orbit. INT. EXPLORATION DECK Rose steps over to the dead bodies of the Ood and grabs the communication device once more, impatient to see if the Doctor is okay. ROSE: Doctor? Static, no reply. ROSE: Doctor, can you hear me? Doctor? Ida? Are you there? COMPUTER : l Open Door 25. Jefferson and the guard spin round, guns raised and ready for whatever will come through the door, but it's only Danny. DANNY: It's me! But they're coming. COMPUTER: Close Door 25. DANNY: It's the Ood. They've gone mad. JEFFERSON: How many of them? DANNY: All of them! All fifty! JEFFERSON (approaching the door): Danny, out of the way. (Danny doesn't move, so with more ferocity...): Out of the way! He pushes Danny out of the way of the door. DANNY: But they're armed! They're da... Jefferson starts to open the door. DANNY: It's the interface device. I don't know how, but they're using it as a weapon. COMPUTER: Open door 25. Jefferson opens the door, the Ood are standing on the other side. One of them immediately advances, sticking the communication orb to the guard's forehead. She screams and slumps to the floor, dead. Jefferson open fires. INT. CORRIDOR Zach closes the door from the control room. COMPUTER: Close Door 1. He starts to run down the corridor, but skids to a halt as he sees the Ood advancing from the other end. He goes back the way he came. COMPUTER (CONT'D): Open Door 1. INT. CONTROL ROOM Zach closes the door behind him. COMPUTER (CONT'D): Close Door 1. Zach presses buttons on a control panel mounted on the wall. ZACH: Lockdown, seal Door 1. COMPUTER: Lockdown Door 1. Zach goes back to the controls in the centre of the room, a babble of frantic voices sounding from communication. ZACH: Jefferson, what's happening, there? INT. EXPLORATION DECK JEFFERSON (into wrist device): I've got very little ammunition, sir. How about you? INT. CONTROL ROOM Zach quickly checks. He opens a cupboard and inside is a gun. He removes it. ZACH: All I've got is a bolt gun. With uh... (Check) all of one bolt. I could take out a grand total of one Ood. Fat lot of good that is. JEFFERSON: Given the emergency... INT. EXPLORATION DECK JEFFERSON (CONT'D): I recommend Strategy Nine. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH (defeated): Strategy Nine agreed. Right, we need to get everyone together. Rose? What about Ida and the Doctor? Any word? INT. EXPLORATION DECK Rose shakes her head. She's out of her mind with worry. Her voice is shaking slightly. ROSE: I can't get any reply, just... nothing, I keep trying, but it's... Just then, the communication device crackles and the Doctor's voice comes through. THE DOCTOR: No! Sorry, I'm fine. Still here! ROSE (so relieved): You could've said, you stupid b... EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE The communication device screeches loudly, blanking the rest of the word out. The Doctor winces. THE DOCTOR: Whoa! Careful! Anyway, it's both of us, me and Ida. Hello! But the seal opened up. It's gone. All we've got left is this chasm. As the Doctor says, the trapdoor has opened onto a gaping pitch black hole. ZACH: How deep is it? THE DOCTOR: Can't tell. It looks like it goes on forever. ROSE: "The pit is open." INT. EXPLORATION DECK ROSE (CONT'D): That's what the voice said. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: But there's nothing? I mean... EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE ZACH (CONT'D): There's... nothing coming out? THE DOCTOR: No, no. No sign of "the Beast". INT. EXPLORATION DECK ROSE (scared): It said "Satan". EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE THE DOCTOR: Come on, Rose. Keep it together. INT. EXPLORATION DECK ROSE: Is there no such thing? (No reply). Doctor? EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE The Doctor, still not answering, turns his back on the pit. ROSE (CONT'D): Doctor, tell me there's no such thing. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Ida? I recommend that you withdraw. Immediately. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE IDA: But... we've come all this way! INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Okay, that was an order. With-Draw. With that thing open, the whole planet's shifted. One more inch and we fall into the black hole. So this thing stops right now. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE IDA: But it's not much better up there with the Ood. ZACH: I'm initiating Strategy Nine, so I need the two of you back up top immediately, no ar... Ida turns off her wrist device. The Doctor raises his eyebrows. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH (CONT'D) (upon hearing the static): Ida? IDA? EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE IDA (to the Doctor): What do you think? THE DOCTOR: I think they've an order. IDA: Yeah, but... what do you think? The Doctor puts one foot on the edge of the pit, staring down into it. THE DOCTOR: It said "I am the temptation". IDA: If... if there's something in there... why's it still hiding? THE DOCTOR: Maybe... we opened the prison but not the cell. IDA: We should go down. I'd go. What about you? THE DOCTOR: Oh! Oh, in a second, but then again... (He gives a half laugh, turns to her). That is so human. Where angels fear to tread. Even now, standing on the edge. It's that feeling you get. Yeah? (Looks into the pit as though mesmerised, musing). Right at the back of your head. That impulse... that strange little impulse... that mad little voice saying "Go on... go on... go on... go over, go on...", maybe it's relying on that. For once in my life... Officer Scott... I'm going to say... He looks at her. She looks at him... hold the moment, before... THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Retreat. (He sighs and pulls his foot back from where it was rested on the edge of the pit). Now I know I'm getting old. (Opens communications). Rose, we're coming back. INT. EXPLORATION DECK ROSE (smiling, pleased): Best news I've heard all day! Jefferson released the safety catch on his gun. He's looking down at Toby. ROSE (CONT'D): What're you doing? JEFFERSON (aiming the gun at Toby): He's infected. He brought that thing on board. You saw it. Toby's eyes widen in shock. He's cornered, cowering on the floor. ROSE (approaching him): Are you gonna start shooting your own people, now? Is that what you're gonna do? Is it? JEFFERSON: If necessary. ROSE: Well then, you'll have to shoot me "if necessary", so what's it gonna be? Jefferson pauses. Rose kneels next to Toby. ROSE (CONT'D): Look at his face. Whatever it was, it's gone. It passed into the Ood. You saw it happen. He's clean. Jefferson considers. Toby is breathing heavily, frightened. JEFFERSON: Any sign of trouble... I'll shoot him. He moves away. ROSE (to Toby): Are you all right? TOBY (trembling, close to tears): Yeah... I... (Shakes head). Dunno. ROSE: Can you remember anything? TOBY: Just... it was so angry. It was... fury and rage... death... From casting terrified glances around the room, he meets Rose's eyes. TOBY (CONT'D): It was him. It was the devil. ROSE: Come here. She draws Toby into a comforting hug. He clings to her, eyes still wide open with horror over her shoulder. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE The Doctor and Ida are trudging back to the capsule. THE DOCTOR: What's Strategy Nine? IDA: Open the airlocks... we'll be safe inside the lockdown... the Ood will get thrown out into the vacuum. THE DOCTOR: So we're going back to a slaughter? They have reached the capsule. Ida turns to him. IDA: The devil's work. INT. EXPLORATION DECK Jefferson, Danny and Rose are waiting for them to make contact. IDA: Okay, we're in. Bring us up. JEFFERSON: Ascension in... Rose smiles with anticipation. JEFFERSON (CONT'D): Three... two... one. The mechanism fails. The lights go out. INT. CAPSULE The lights fail. INT. CONTROL ROOM The lights blink out. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: This is the Darkness. This is my domain. The display on the screen changes to that of several of the Ood standing together, the Beast is using them to communicate. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): You little things that live in the light... clinging to your feeble Suns... Zach picks up his bolt gun. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): ... which die in the... ZACH (through communication): That's not the Ood. Something's talking through them. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: Only the Darkness remains. ZACH: This is Captain Zachary Cross Flane of Sanctury Base Six representing the Torchwood archive. You will identify yourself. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: You know my name. ZACH: What do you want? THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: You will die here. All of you. This planet is your grave. INT. EXPLORATION DECK TOBY (trembling): It's him. It's him. It's him... INT. CAPSULE THE DOCTOR: If you are the Beast, then answer me this: which one? Hmm? 'Cos the universe has been busy since you've been gone. There's more religions than there are planets in the sky. The Archivits... Pordonity, Christianity... Pash-Pash, New Judaism... Sanclar... Church of the Tin Vagabond, which devil are you? THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: All of them. THE DOCTOR: What, then you're the truth behind the myth? THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: This one knows me, as I know him. The killer of his own kind. THE DOCTOR (choosing not to acknowledge this): How did you end up on this rock? THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: The disciples of the Light rose up against me. And chained me in the pit for all eternity. THE DOCTOR: When was this? THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: Before time. THE DOCTOR: What does that mean?! THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: Before time. THE DOCTOR: What does "before time" mean? THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: Before light and time and space and matter. Before the cataclysm. Before this universe was created. THE DOCTOR: That's impossible. No life could have existed back then. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: Is that your religion? THE DOCTOR: It's a belief. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: You know nothing. All of you. So small. INT. CONTROL ROOM Cut to Zach. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): The Captain, so scared of command. INT. EXPLORATION DECK Cut to Jefferson. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): The soldier, haunted by the eyes of his wife. The scientist, still running from daddy. Ida shifts uncomfortably in the capsule. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): The little boy who lied... Cut to Danny, who is uncomfortable. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): The virgin... Toby turns, on edge. Then cut to Rose. THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): And the lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon. ROSE: Doctor, what does it mean? THE DOCTOR (quietly): Rose, don't listen. ROSE: What does it mean? THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: You will die... and I will live. The footage of the Ood suddenly cuts and is replaced with a roaring horned beast, which causes everyone but the Doctor to gasp and stumble backwards. DANNY (voice shaking with fear): What the hell was that? They're all speaking over one another, frantic. TOBY: I had that thing inside my head. ROSE (voice becoming higher): Doctor, what did it mean? DANNY: What do we do? Jefferson? JEFFERSON (into wrist device): Captain? What's the situation on Strategy Nine? DANNY: Zach, what do we do? TOBY: What if I can fix it? ... the black hole, everything's true. JEFFERSON: Captain, report. ZACH: We've lost pictures... ROSE: Doctor, how did it know all of... IDA: Did anyone get... ZACH: Jefferson? THE DOCTOR: Stop... ROSE: What did it mean? THE DOCTOR: Everyone just stop... DANNY: What do we do? JEFFERSON: Report. INT. CAPSULE The Doctor holds the communication device close to the speaker, making it screech loudly. The babble stops and silence falls. THE DOCTOR: If you want voices in the dark, then listen to mine; that thing is playing on very basic fears. Darkness, childhood nightmares, all that stuff. DANNY: But that's how the devil works. THE DOCTOR: Or a good psychologist. IDA: But... how did it know about my father? THE DOCTOR (after a slight pause): Okay, but what makes his version of the truth any better than mine? Hmm? Cos I'll tell you what I can see: humans. Brilliant humans. Humans who travel all the way across space. Flying in a tiny little rocket into the orbit of a black hole! Just for the sake of discovery, that's amazing! Do you hear me? Amazing. All of you. The captain, his officer, his elder, his genius, his friends. All with one advantage. The Beast is alone. We are not. If we can use that to fight against him... With a loud bang, the cable for the capsule snaps. It falls down the shaft. IDA (looking up): The cable's snapped! THE DOCTOR: Get out! The dive out of the capsule just as the cable lands inside it with force. INT. EXPLORATION DECK Dust wafts onto the exploration deck. ROSE: Doctor! We lost the cable! Doctor, are you all right? (No reply). Doctor? ZACH: Comms are down. ROSE: Doctor? Doctor, can you hear me? INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH (looking at the monitor): I've still got life signs, but... we've lost the capsule. ROSE: Say something, are you there? ZACH: There's no way out. (Beat). They're stuck down there. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE The Doctor and Ida stand, brushing themselves off. THE DOCTOR: How much air have we got? IDA: Sixty minutes. (Checks wrist device). Fifty-five. INT. EXPLORATION DECK Rose, Jefferson and Danny peer down the lift shaft. ROSE: But we've got to bring them back. JEFFERSON: They're ten miles down. We haven't got another ten miles of cable. Another loud bang on a door makes them jump. JEFFERSON (CONT'D) (into wrist device): Captain? Situation report. INT. CONTROL ROOM Zach glances up. Something is banging on his door too. He goes over to it and opens the small round window. An Ood stares back at him. It has what looks like an enormous pair of pliers and is using them in order to break the door down. Zach sighs. ZACH: It's the Ood. They're cutting through the door bolts. They're breaking in. INT. EXPLORATION DECK JEFFERSON: Yeah, it's the same on Door 25. ROSE: How long's it gonna take? JEFFERSON: Well, it's only a basic frame, it should take ten minutes. (another bang). Eight. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: I've got a security frame, it might last a bit longer, but that doesn't help you. INT. EXPLORATION DECK ROSE: Right. So we need to stop them, or get out, or both. DANNY: I'll take both, yeah? But how? ROSE: You heard the Doctor. Why do you think that thing cut him off? 'Cos he was making sense. He was telling you to think your way out of this. Come on! For a start, we need some lights. There's gotta be some sort of power somewhere. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH (bitterly): There's nothing I can do. Some captain, stuck in here, pressing buttons. INT. EXPLORATION DECK ROSE: That's what the Doctor meant: press the right buttons. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: They've gutted the generators! (With realisation). But the rocket's got an independent supply. If I could reroute that... Mr Jefferson? INT. EXPLORATION DECK ZACH: Open the bypass conduits. Override the safety... JEFFERSON (pressing the appropriate buttons): Opening bypass conduits, sir. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Channeling rocket feed. In 3... 2... 1... power. INT. EXPLORATION DECK The lights come back on. Rose claps. ROSE: There we go. INT. CONTROL ROOM The lights flash on. DANNY: Let there be light! INT. EXPLORATION DECK ROSE: What about that Strategy Nine thing? JEFFERSON: Not enough power. It needs a hundred percent. ROSE: All right, we need a way out. Zach, Mr Jefferson, you start working on that. (Approaches Toby). Toby, what about you? TOBY (standing): I'm not a soldier. I can't do anything. ROSE: No, you're the archaeologist. What do you know about the pit? TOBY: Well, n-n-nothing. We can't even translate the language. ROSE (turns away): Right. TOBY: H-hold on. Maybe. ROSE: What is it? TOBY: Since that thing was inside my head, it's like the letters made more sense. ROSE: Well... get to work. Anything you can translate, just... anything. (Approaches Danny). As for you, Danny-boy, you're in charge of the Ood, any way of stopping them? DANNY: Well... I don't know. ROSE (pulls him over to the computer): Then find out. The sooner we get control of the base, the sooner we can get the Doctor out. Shift. She smacks him playfully and then looks down the never-ending shaft. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE IDA: We've got all this cable, we might as well use it. The drum's disconnected, we could adapt it.(Starts gathering up the fallen cable). Feed it through. THE DOCTOR: And then what? IDA: Abseil. Into the pit. THE DOCTOR: Abseil. Right. IDA: We're running out of air with no way back. It's the only thing we can do. Even if it's the last thing we ever achieve. THE DOCTOR: I'll get back. Rose is up there. IDA: Well, maybe the key to that is finding out what's in the pit. THE DOCTOR: Well... it's half of a good plan. IDA: What's the other half? THE DOCTOR: I go down. Not you. INT. EXPLORATION DECK Rose watches Jefferson as he works at the computer. JEFFERSON: Open junctions five... six... seven... (A bang on the door) ... reroute filters sixteen to twenty-four. Go. Toby is working on the symbols. DANNY (also working): There's all sorts of viruses that could stop the Ood. Trouble is, we haven't got them on board. ROSE (sarcastically): Well, that's handy, listing all the things we haven't got. We haven't got a swimming pool either. Or a Tescos. The computer bleeps. The word "affirmative" flashes on the screen. DANNY (excited): Oh my God. It says yes! I can do it! Hypothetically, if you flip the monitor, broadcast a flare... it can disrupt the telepathy! Brainstorm! ROSE: What happens to the Ood? DANNY: It'll tank them, spark out! ROSE (enthusiastically): There we are, then! Do it! DANNY (face falls): No, but... (Shakes head). I'd have to transmit from the central monitor. We need to go to Ood Habitation. Another bang on the door, causing sparks to fly. ROSE (staring at the door): That's what we'll do, then. (She goes to Mr Jefferson). Mr Jefferson, sir! Any way out? JEFFERSON: Just about... there's a network of maintenance tunnels running underneath the base. We should be able to gain access from here. ROSE (smiling): Ventilation shafts. JEFFERSON: Yeah, I appreciate the reference, but there's no ventilation. No air, in fact, at all. They were designed for machines, not life forms. Another bang. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: But, I can manipulate the oxygen field from here. Create discrete pockets of atmosphere... if I control it manually... I can follow you through the network. INT. EXPLORATION DECK ROSE: Right, so we go down, and you make the air follow us. By hand. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: You wanted me pressing buttons. INT. CONTROL ROOM ROSE: Yeah, I asked for it, okay, we need to get to Ood Habitation, work out a route. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE The Doctor and Ida are securing the cable so they can abseil down the pit. IDA: That should hold it. How's it going? The cable unravels. THE DOCTOR: Fine! Should work... doesn't feel like such a good idea, now. (Stands on the edge of the pit). Ha... there it is again. That itch. (He bobs up and down crazily). Go down, go down, go down, go down, go down. IDA: The urge to jump. Do you know where it comes from, that sensation? Genetic heritage. Ever since we were primates in the trees. It's our body's way of testing us. Calculating whether or not we can reach the next branch. THE DOCTOR (thoughtfully): No, that's not it... that's too kind. It's not the urge to jump, it's deeper than that. It's the urge to fall! And he jumps backwards down the hole. IDA: Doctor! She presses a button, the cable becomes taut. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE / THE PIT The Doctor stops falling. He is now hanging by the cable a short way into the pit. IDA: Are you okay? THE DOCTOR: Not bad, thanks. The wall of the pit... seems to be the same as the cavern, just...(Shines torch down). Not much of it. There's a crust about twenty feet down and then... nothing. Just the pit. Okay, then. Lower me down. IDA: Well, here we go, then. She presses the button again. The Doctor is lowered slowly down the pit. INT. EXPLORATION DECK Another violent bang on Door 25. Rose, Jefferson and Toby are ready to enter the maintenance tunnels, but Danny is still at the computer. ROSE (shouting to him): Danny! DANNY: Hold on! Just conforming... JEFFERSON: Dan, you gotta go now! (Another bang). Come on! The computer bleeps. DANNY: Yeah! He takes what looks like an orange computer chip from the machine. He shows them as he hurries over to the entrance to the maintenance tunnels. DANNY (CONT'D): Put that in the monitor... and it's a bad time to be an Ood! ROSE: We're coming back. Have you got that? We're coming back to this room and we're getting the Doctor out. JEFFERSON: Okay, Danny, you go first, then you Miss Tyler, then Toby, I'll go last in defence of position. Now come on! Quick as you can! They all lower themselves down into the tunnels in the order Jefferson specified. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS Rose lands in the tunnel next to Danny. She sniffs. ROSE: God, it stinks. You all right? DANNY: Yeah, I'm laughing. Toby lands beside them. DANNY (CONT'D) (through comm, to Zach): Which way do we go? INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Just go straight ahead. Keep going 'til I say so. INT. EXPLORATION DECK Jefferson makes it down the hole just in time, the Ood finally break the door down. They advance. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS Danny, Rose, Toby and Jefferson crawl down the tunnel. ROSE (staring at Danny's bum): Not your best angle, Danny. DANNY: Oi! Stop it! TOBY (considering Rose's bum): I dunno, it could be worse. ROSE (indignantly): Oi! INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Straight along until you find junction 7.1. Keep breathing. I'm feeding you air. I've got you. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE Exterior shot of the base. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS They reach a junction in the tunnels and sit down, out of breath. DANNY (into wrist device): We're at 7.1, sir. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Okay, I've got you... He presses more buttons. A bang on the door makes him jump. ZACH (CONT'D): I'm just aerating the next section. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS DANNY: Getting kinda cramped, sir... can't you hurry up? INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: I'm working on half power, here. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS JEFFERSON: Stop complaining. ROSE (to Danny): Mr Jefferson says: stop complaining. DANNY: I heard. ROSE (to Jefferson): He heard. TOBY (into wrist device): But the air's getting a bit thin. ROSE: He's complaining now. JEFFERSON: I heard. Danny wipes the sweat of his face. Rose sniffs, her face screwed up in disgust. ROSE: Danny, is that you? DANNY (defensively) : I'm not exactly happy. ZACH :I'm just moving the air... INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH (CONT'D): I've got to oxygenate the next section. Now, keep calm... or it's gonna feel worse. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS There is a loud banging from the other end of the tunnel. Jefferson aims his gun. DANNY: What was that? ROSE (loudly): Mr Jefferson, what was that? TOBY: What's that noise? JEFFERSON: Captain... what was that? INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH (looking at the hologram): The junction in Habitation Five's been opened, it must be the Ood. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS The Ood crawl down the tunnels with frightening speed. ZACH (warningly): They're in the tunnels! DANNY: Well, open the gate! INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: I've gotta get the air in! DANNY: Just open it! ... sir. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS ROSE: Where are they? Are they close? INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Don't know, I can't tell - I can't see them... the computer doesn't register Ood as proper life forms. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS ROSE: Whose idea was that? DANNY (practically roars into the wrist device, sweating and shaking): Open the gate! The gate opens and they lunge through it. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Danny, turn left. Immediate left. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS They crawl down the tunnel as fast as they can, Jefferson going backwards with his gun at the ready. JEFFERSON: The Ood, sir, can't you trap them? Cut off the air? INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Not without cutting off yours. Another bang on his door. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS The Ood pursue them down the tunnel, but they're still not in sight. ZACH: Danny, turn right. Go right! Go fast, Dan, they're gonna catch up! Danny does as he says, frantic. JEFFERSON: I'll maintain defence of position! ROSE: You can't stop! JEFFERSON (sitting down, aiming his gun): Miss Tyler, that's my job. You've got your task, now see to it. TOBY (to Rose): You heard what he said, now shift. They move on, leaving Jefferson. An Ood appears from round the corridor and crawls towards Jefferson. He fires his gun. The others can hear the shots as they crawl as fast as possible. Jefferson turns, shoots more oncoming Ood. Toby and the others reach the next juction. DANNY (into wrist device): 8.2. Open 8.2. Zach! INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH (pressing buttons): I've gotta aerate it! DANNY (furiously): Open it now! ZACH: I'm trying. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS Danny thumps on the gate, desperate. ROSE (stopping him): Danny, stop it. That's not helping. TOBY: Zach, get it open! INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Jefferson... I've gotta open 8.2 by closing 8.1. You've got to get past the junction, now move. That's an order, now move! INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS Jefferson shoots at an Ood from around a corner, he runs out of bullets. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH (angrily): I'm gonna lose oxygen, Jefferson, I can't stop for your dramatics! He watches the hologram, showing Jefferson move towards the rest of the group. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS Gate 8.2 opens, allowing Danny, Rose and Toby through it. DANNY (crawling through): Come on! Rose glances back down the corridor before following. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Danny, turn left and head for 9.2. That's the last one. Jefferson... INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS Jefferson is crawling along the corridor, trying to reach the gate before it closes. ZACH: You've gotta move faster. Move! ROSE: Mr Jefferson, come on...! TOBY (pushing her forward): Keep going! It's too late, the gate closes, leaving Jefferson trapped on the wrong side. He slumps against it, panting. JEFFERSON: Regret to inform, sir... I was a bit slow. Not so fast, these days. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: I can't open 8.1, John. Not without losing air for the others. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS JEFFERSON: And quite right too, sir. I think I bought them a little time. The others reach the end of the tunnel. ZACH: There's nothing I can do, Jefferson. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH (quietly): I'm sorry. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS JEFFERSON: You've done enough, sir. Made a very good captain under the circumstances. Danny and Rose are both close to tears. JEFFERSON: I ask, if you can't add oxygen to this section... can you speed up the process of its removal? INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: I don't understand. What do you mean? INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS JEFFERSON (staring down the tunnel): Well... if I might chose the manner of my departure, sir... lack of air seems more natural than... well... let's say... death by Ood. For an Ood is crawling towards him. JEFFERSON (CONT'D) (voice rising): I'd appreciate it, sir! INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: God speed, Mr Jefferson. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS JEFFERSON: Thank you, sir. INT. CONTROL ROOM Zach presses the appropriate buttons and cuts off the air. He closes his eyes. The light representing Jefferson on the screen goes out. ZACH (close to tears but fighting them): Report... Officer John Maynard Jefferson PKD... deceased... with honours. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS Danny, Rose and Toby sit in silence. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH (CONT'D): 43K2.1. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS DANNY: Zach... we're at the final junction. 9.2. And er... if my respects could be on record. He saved our lives. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: Noted. Opening 9.2. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS The gate opens. The Ood are right behind it, waiting for them. Rose, Danny and Toby scramble away, shocked. ROSE: Lower 9.2. Zach, lower it! DANNY: Back! Back! Back! TOBY: We can't go back! The gang point's sealed off, we're stuck! Rose looks up and notices grilling above her head. ROSE: Come on! She pushes it out of the way. INT. CORRIDOR She emerges through the floor of the corridor above. Danny follows. INT. MAINTENANCE TUNNELS The Ood crawl towards Toby. ROSE (CONT'D) (calling down to Toby): Come on! Toby, come on! Toby looks at the Ood and places a finger to his lips. His eyes are glowing red once more. ROSE (CONT'D): Toby, get out of there! TOBY (scrambling up, eyes back to normal): Help me! Oh, my God, help me! INT. CORRIDOR Rose and Toby hoist him up through the hole. More Ood approach from one end of the corridor. DANNY (running in the opposite direction): It's this way. They follow Danny along the corridor, the Ood in pursuit. INT. CONTROL ROOM There is another bang on the door of the control room. Zach picks up his bolt gun. ZACH: Hurry up! INT. OOD HABITATION Danny, Rose and Toby burst through the doors into Ood Habitation, and rush over the computer. The Ood already inside look up at their arrival. ROSE: Get it in! TOBY: Danny, get down. ROSE: Transmit! DANNY: I'm trying, I'm trying! I'm getting at it... TOBY: Stop them! The Ood are making their way up the stairs towards them. INT. CONTROL ROOM With a final bang, the Ood manage to open the door to the control room. Zach stands and points his gun at them. INT. OOD HABITATION ROSE: Danny, get that thing transmitting! Danny bungs it into the computer. The reading goes down to Basic 0. The Ood clutch at their heads and stumble about, all over the ship. They finally collapse to the floor. Silence falls. ROSE (CONT'D) (smiling): You did it! We did it! DANNY: Yes! She laughs in delight, as does Danny, and throws her arms around him, then hugs Toby, who grins. Danny and Toby hug. ROSE (into comm): Zach, we did it. The Ood are down. Now we've gotta get the Doctor. INT. CONTROL ROOM ZACH: I'm on my way. INT. OOD HABITATION Rose rushes from Ood Habitation. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE / THE PIT The Doctor is still being lowered down the pit, in complete darkness. THE DOCTOR: You get representations of the Horned Beast right across the universe. In the myths and legends of a million worlds. Earth... Draconia, Velconsadine... Daemos... the Kaled God of War... it's the same image, over and over again. Maybe... that idea came from somewhere. Bleeding through... the thought at the back of every sentient mind. IDA: Emanating from here? THE DOCTOR: Could be. IDA: But if this is the original... does that make it real? Does that make it the actual devil, though? THE DOCTOR: Well, if that's what you want to believe. Maybe that's what the devil is, in the end. An idea. The cable runs out and the Doctor jerks to a halt. IDA: That's it. That's all we've got. The Doctor presses buttons on the device on his wrist. IDA (CONT'D): You getting any sort of readout? THE DOCTOR: Nothing. Could be miles to go, yet. Or... could be thirty feet. No way of telling.(He thinks about this). I could survive thirty feet. IDA: Oh no you don't. I'm pulling you back up. She presses the button to hoist him back up. But the Doctor presses a button on his own end, stopping her. IDA (striding to the edge): What're you doing?! THE DOCTOR: You bring me back, then we're just gonna sit there and run out of air. I've gotta go down. IDA (scared): But you can't. Doctor, you can't. THE DOCTOR: Call it an act of faith. He releases one the hooks securing him to the cable. IDA: But... I don't want to die on my own. THE DOCTOR: I know. He releases another hook. INT. EXPLORATION DECK Rose and the others have reached the exploration deck. Without a moments hesitation, Rose picks up the comm. ROSE: Doctor? Are you there? Doctor? Ida? Can you hear me? ZACH: The comms are still down. I can patch them through the central desk and boost the signal. Just give me a minute. He starts to work at the computer. Rose looks on, anxious, eyes wide. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE / THE PIT The Doctor releases another hook. THE DOCTOR: I didn't ask: have you got any sort of faith, or...? IDA (sitting on the edge of the pit): Not really. I was brought up Neo Classic, congregational... because of my mum, she was... (She pauses, reminiscing). My old mum. But no, I never believed. THE DOCTOR: Neo Classic, have they got a devil? IDA: No, not as such. Just um... the things that men do. THE DOCTOR: Same thing in the end. IDA: What about you? The Doctor pauses for a long moment, thinking. THE DOCTOR: I believe... I believe I haven't seen everything, I don't know... it's funny, isn't it? The things you make up, the rules. If that thing had said it came from beyond the universe, I'd believe it, but before the universe... impossible. Doesn't fit my rule. Still, that's why I keep travelling. To be proved wrong. Thank you, Ida. IDA (suddenly standing): Don't go! THE DOCTOR: If they get back in touch... if you talk to Rose... just tell her... He pauses for a moment, looking down. Ida waits. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Tell her I... (Another pause. Then, to himself). Oh, she knows. He releases the final hook and falls into nothingness. ROSE (through comm.): Doctor? Are you there? Doctor, Ida? Can you hear me? INT. EXPLORATION DECK ROSE (CONT'D): Are you there, Doctor? EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE IDA: He's gone. INT. EXPLORATION DECK ROSE: What do you mean, "he's gone"? EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE IDA: He fell. Into the pit. And I don't know how deep it is, miles and miles and miles. INT. EXPLORATION DECK ROSE (voice breaking): But... what do you mean "he fell"? EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE IDA (quietly): I couldn't stop him. He said your name... INT. EXPLORATION DECK Zach gently tugs the comm. away from Rose. She's silent, staring straight ahead. ZACH: I'm sorry. Rose does not respond. He speaks into the comm. ZACH (CONT'D): Ida? There's no way of reaching you. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE Ida listens to this, alone on the edge of the pit. ZACH: No cable, no back-up... you're ten miles down... INT. EXPLORATION DECK ZACH (CONT'D): We can't get there. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE IDA (looking around): You should see this place, Zach. (Sits down on the edge of the pit). It's beautiful. Well, I wanted to discover things... (She tears up). And here I am. INT. EXPLORATION DECK ZACH: We've got to abandon the base. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE Ida bites her lip as she listens. ZACH: I'm declaring this mission unsafe. All we can do is make sure no one ever comes here again. IDA: But we'll never find out what it was? INT. EXPLORATION DECK ZACH: Well, maybe that's best. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE IDA: Yeah. There is a pause. ZACH: Officer Scott... IDA: It's all right. Just go. Good luck. INT. EXPLORATION DECK ZACH: Thank you. (Replace the comm.). Danny, Toby, close down the feed links. Get the retrotopes online. Then get to the rocket, strap yourselves in. We're leaving. Rose turns to him. ROSE: I'm not going. ZACH (reassuringly): Rose, there's space for you. ROSE (quietly): No, I'm gonna wait for the Doctor. Just like he waited for me. ZACH (gently): I'm sorry, but... he's dead. ROSE: You don't know him. 'Cos he's not... (Her voice breaks up with repressed tears). I'm telling you, he's... he's not... and even if he was, how could I leave him? All on his own, all the way down there? No. I'm gonna stay. Zach nods. ZACH: Then I apologise for this. Danny, Toby, make her secure. Danny and Toby come up on either side of Rose, taking an arm each. ROSE (struggling): No, no! No! No! No! Let me go! (Straining, screaming at them). Get off me! I'm not leaving! Zach plunges a needle into her arm, sedating her. ROSE (CONT'D) (as she goes limp): No... ZACH (determinedly): I have lost too many people. I am not leaving you behind. (Hoists her over his shoulder). Let's get her on board. INT. CORRIDOR They emerge into a corridor, which is littered with the Ood. TOBY (pointing at one): Did that one just move? It did. The Ood opens its eyes and lifts its head. DANNY: The telepathic field, it's reasserting itself. ZACH: Move it, get to the rocket, move! They hurry down the corridor. EXT. THE PIT The Doctor lies face down at the bottom of the pit. His helmet has shattered. He stirs, groaning. As he stands, he realises his helmet has broken and he gasps, a hand flying to his mouth. But then... THE DOCTOR (with wonder): I'm breathing. He removes the helmet and looks around. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Air cushion to support the fall... (Turns on comm.). You can breath down here, Ida. (comm. Crackles). Can you hear me, Ida? INT. ROCKET ZACH (who is the pilot): Dislocating B-Clamp, C-Clamp, raising blue nitrates to maximum. Toby, how's the negapact feed line? TOBY: Clear! Ready to go, sir. For God's sakes, get us out of here! Rose stirs. DANNY (noticing): Captain... I think we're gonna have a problem passenger... ZACH: Keep an eye on her. ROSE: Wait... I'm not... DANNY: It's all right, Rose, you're safe. ROSE: I'm not going anywhere! (Tugs at her seatbelt, shouting). Get me out of this thing! Get me out! ZACH: And... lift-off! EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE / THEPIT The three men whoop and cheer as the rocket lifts off. Ida looks up, as does the Doctor at the bottom of the pit. THE DOCTOR (whispers): A rocket... He watches as it flies further and further away. INT. ROCKET Rose spots the bolt gun, she grabs it and points it at Zach. ROSE: Take me back to the planet. Zach doesn't reply. He doesn't even turn around. ROSE (CONT'D) (shouts): Take me back! ZACH: Or what? ROSE: Or I'll shoot. ZACH (finally turning to her): Would you, though? Would you really? Is that what your Doctor would want? Rose holds his gaze for a moment. Danny looks slightly shaken. Defeated, Rose slumps back in her chair, dropping the gun. ZACH (CONT'D): Sorry, but it's too late anyway. Take a look outside. We can't turn back. This is what the Doctor would have wanted. Rose looks out of the window. ZACH (CONT'D): Isn't that right? They're speeding away from the black hole. EXT. THE PIT The Doctor shines his torch on the wall of the underground cavern, there are crude drawings of a horned beast and tiny stick figures surrounding it. THE DOCTOR: History of some big battle. Man against Beast. I dunno if you're getting this, Ida. Hope so. Anyway, they defeated the Beast and imprisoned it. The light of his torch falls on what looks like a large vase on a stand. Surprised, he turns the torch light back on the symbols of people carrying the vase on their heads. He approaches the vase, there is another one in line with the first. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Or maybe that's the key... He touches the vase, and they both light up. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Or the gate, or the bars... The Doctor turns upon hearing a quiet growl. His mouth opens, before him, in a pit, is a huge horned beast, chained down. It roars at him. INT. ROCKET In the rocket, Toby starts to laugh quietly to himself, as Rose does up her seatbelt again. DANNY: What's the joke? TOBY: Just... we made it. We escaped. We actually did it. No one shares his mirth. ROSE: Not all of us. ZACH: We're not out of it yet. We're still the first people in history to fly away from a black hole. Toby, read me the stats. TOBY (still smirking): Gravity funnel holding, sir. Always holding. EXT. THE PIT THE DOCTOR (staring at the Beast): I accept that you exist. I don't have to accept what you are, but you're physical existence, I'll give you that. The Beast growls. The Doctor takes a few steps forwards. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): But I don't understand. I was expected down here. I was given a safe landing, and air. You need me for something. What for? The Beast lunges forwards, straining against the chains holding him. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (completely out of his depth): Have I got to... I dunno, beg an audience? Or... is there a ritual? Some sort of incantation or summons or spell, all these things I don't believe in, are they real? The Beast just looks at him. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (loudly): Speak to me! Tell me! (No reply). You won't talk. Or... you can't talk. Hold on, hold on. Wait a minute, just let me... (He thinks hard). Oh! No. Yes! No... think it through, you spoke before. I heard your voice. An intelligent voice. No, more than that, brilliant! But, looking at you now... all I can see... (The Beast growls) is... (growl) Beast. The animal. Just... the body. You're just the body, the physical form! What's happened to your mind? Hmm? Where's it gone? Where's that intelligence? (He glances upwards as it dawns on him). Oh, no... INT. ROCKET TOBY: Stats. at 53, funnel status at 66.5. Hull pressure constant. Smooth as we can, sir. All the way back home. Rose stares out of the window, so sad. TOBY (CONT'D): Coordinates set for Planet Earth. The corners of his mouth twitch upwards in an unpleasant smile. INT. THE PIT The Doctor shines his torch on the symbols covering the walls. THE DOCTOR: You're imprisoned. Long time ago. Before the universe, after, sideways, in- between, doesn't matter. The positioning is perfect. It's absolutely... it's eternal. Oh, yes! Open the prison, the gravity field collapses! This planet falls into the black hole! You escape, you die. Brilliant! But that's just the body. The body is trapped, that's all. The devil is just an idea. In all those civilisations, just an idea. (He pauses, edging forwards as he works it out). But an idea is hard to kill. An idea could escape. The mind, the mind of the great Beast, the mind can escape! Oh, but that's it! You didn't give me air, your jailers did! They set this up! All those years ago! They need me alive. Because if you're escaping, then I've gotta stop you. The Beast roars in fury, straining against the chains. The Doctor picks up a rock. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): If I destroy your prison, your body is destroyed. Your mind with it. He swings the rock over his head, ready to bring it crashing down on the vase, and then stops. He drops it. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): But then you're clever enough to use this whole system against me. If I destroy this planet, I destroy the gravity field. The rocket. The rocket loses protection and falls into the black hole. I'll have to sacrifice Rose. He has a look of mild disgust on his face. The Beast laughs mirthlessly. INT. ROCKET ROSE (thinking): It doesn't make sense. We escaped, but there's a thousand ways it could've killed us. It could've... ripped out the air or... I dunno, burnt us, or anything. But it let us go. Why? Unless it wanted us to escape... TOBY: Hey, Rose, do us a favour... (Nastily). Shut up. Rose stares at him. He looks away. TOBY (CONT'D): Almost there. We'll be beyond the reach of the black hole in 40... 39... EXT. THE PIT THE DOCTOR: So, that's the trap. Or the test or the final judgment, I don't know. But if I kill you, I kill her. The Beast laughs, then roars at him. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Except that implies, in this big grand scheme of Gods and Devils, that she's just a victim. But I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi gods and would-be gods, out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing... just one thing... (with passion) I believe in her. And with that, he picks up the rock and smashes the vase. INT. ROCKET The rocket begins to shake violently. DANNY: What happened? What was that?! TOBY: What's he doing? What is he doing? ZACH: We've lost the funnel! Gravity collapse! ROSE: What does that mean? ZACH: We can't escape. We're headed straight for the black hole! The rocket turns back on itself and spirals towards the black hole. EXT. THE PIT The Doctor smashes the other vase. THE DOCTOR: This is your freedom! Free to die. You're going into that black hole and I'm riding with you. Flames fall from the Beast's mouth. INT. ROCKET ROSE (looking out of the window): It's the planet. The planet's moving. It's falling. She sits back in her seat and glances at Toby, and reels backwards in shock. He's glaring at her, eyes red, the symbols have broken out onto his skin again. TOBY (in the Voice of the Beast): I am the rage... ROSE: It's Toby, Zach, do something... TOBY (speaking very fast, obviously fearful): And the bile and the ferocity. ROSE (screaming): Just do something! TOBY: I am the Prince and the Fall and the Darkness... DANNY: It's him! It's him! It's him! ZACH: Stay where you are, the ship's not stable! Toby expels a burst of flame from his mouth. ZACH (CONT'D): What is he?! What the hell is he?! EXT. THE PIT The Beast writhes around, burning up. INT. ROCKET TOBY: I shall never die! The thought of me is forever! In the bleeding hearts of men, in their vanity and obsession and lust... Rose picks up the bolt gun. TOBY (CONT'D): Nothing shall ever destroy me. Nothing! Rose points the gun at the front window. ROSE (darkly): Go to hell. She fires, shattering the glass, she undoes Toby's seatbelt and he is sucked through the window and into outer space, headed straight for the black hole. He roars in fear and anger. ZACH: Emergency shield! He presses a button and the emergency shield activates, covering the gaping hole. The rocket continues to shake and shudder, headed towards the black hole. ZACH (CONT'D): We've still lost the gravity funnel. We can't escape the black hole! ROSE: But we stopped him. That's what the Doctor would've done. ZACH: Some victory. We're going in. The rocket continues to spirals towards the black hole. EXT. THE PIT The Beast is burning up, struggling against his chains. INT. ROCKET Danny looks at the computer screen. DANNY (terrified): The planet's lost orbit! It's falling! INT. CORRIDOR The Ood fall around the corridor back in the base. EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE Ida falls down, unconscious from lack of oxygen. EXT. THE PIT The Doctor runs back down the tunnel, away from the Beast. A blast of air knocks him backwards, straight into something blue... he looks up, and beams. It's the TARDIS. He laughs with delight. INT. ROCKET The computer screen indicates the planet has fallen into the black hole, and then goes blank. DANNY: The planet's gone. (Rose says nothing). I'm sorry. ZACH: Accelerate. I did my best. But hey, first Human Beings to fall inside a black hole. How about that? History. Rose closes her eyes. They hold on tight as the rocket shakes violently. They all have their eyes screwed shut, ready for the impact, when... it stops. Silence falls. ROSE: What happened? They all lean to one side as the rocket turns. ZACH (confused): We're... turning. (Looks at screen). We're turning around. We're turning away! The comm. springs to life. THE DOCTOR (through comm.): Sorry about the hijack, Captain. This is the good ship TARDIS. Rose's mouth drops open and her eyes light up. INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Now, first thing's first, have you got a Rose Tyler on board? INT. ROCKET ROSE (quickly, overjoyed): I'm here! It's me! Oh, my God! (Laughs and puts her hand over her face, giddy with relief and happiness). Where are you? EXT. SPACE The TARDIS speeds away from the black hole, the rocket safely in tow. THE DOCTOR (voice-over): I'm just towing you home. Gravity-schmavity. My people practically invented black holes. INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Well, in fact, they did. (Pulls a lever). In a couple of minutes, we'll be nice and safe. Oh, and captain, can we do a swap? Say, if you give me Rose Tyler, I'll give you Ida Scott? How about that? Ida is propped against a pillar, still unconscious. INT. ROCKET ZACH (delighted): She's alive! DANNY: Yes! Thank God. INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR: Yeah! Bit of oxygen starvation, but she should be all right. (More solemn). I couldn't save the Ood. I only had time for one trip. They went down with the planet. His computer bleeps. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Ah! Entering clear space, end of the line, mission closed. INT. ROCKET Rose smiles to herself, so happy and relieved and proud of him, all at the same time. EXT. SPACE The TARDIS and the rocket zoom off into clear space. INT. TARDIS Rose opens the door of the TARDIS. The Doctor looks up and smiles. They run to each other and the Doctor gathers Rose up into his arms, lifting her clean off the floor. They both giggle, so happy to see one another again. INT. ROCKET Ida is back with her friends in the rocket. IDA: I don't know. I can't remember. DANNY: Well, it looked like a box. ZACH: What do you mean a box? DANNY: Well, down in the hull. A big blue box. It just appeared! I don't know! THE DOCTOR (through comm.): Zach? We'll be off, now. Have a good trip home. INT. TARDIS The Doctor and Rose stand side by side at the TARDIS console. THE DOCTOR: And the next time you get curious about something... oh... what's the point? You'll just go blundering in. The human race... INT. ROCKET IDA: But Doctor, what did you find down there? That creature, what was it? INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR: I don't know! Never did decipher that writing. But that's good! Day I know everything? Might as well stop. ROSE: What do you think it was? Really? THE DOCTOR: I think... we beat it. That's good enough for me. ROSE: It said I was gonna die in battle. The Doctor catches her eye. THE DOCTOR (with quiet confidence): Then it lied. Rose smiles. That's all she needs to reassure her. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Right, onwards, upwards, Ida, see you again, maybe! INT. ROCKET IDA: I hope so. INT. TARDIS ROSE: And thanks, boys! INT. ROCKET Zach and Danny grin. IDA: Hang on though, Doctor. You never really said... you two... who are you? INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR: Oh... (He looks at Rose). The stuff of legend. He pulls a lever and the Doctor and Rose watch the rotor rise and fall with smiles on their faces. INT. ROCKET ZACH: This is the final report of sanctuary base 6. Officer Tobias Zed, deceased, with honours. 43K2.1. Also... EXT. SPACE The rocket zooms off into space. ZACH (CONT'D): Ood 1 Alpha 1, deceased with honours. Ood 1 Alpha 2, deceased with honours...	Plan: A: the Doctor; Q: Who finds the TARDIS in the pit? A: the door; Q: What do Ida and the Doctor investigate? A: Rose; Q: Who releases Toby from the rocket? A: Toby's body; Q: What do Rose and the other members of the crew witness a force leaving? A: the Beast; Q: Who speaks to the Doctor in the dark pit? A: evil; Q: What religion does the Beast represent? A: several religions; Q: What religions does the Beast represent? A: the planet; Q: What is the Beast sealed inside? A: rope; Q: What does the Doctor run out of? A: the drop; Q: What does the Doctor believe he can survive? A: the news; Q: What distresses Rose about the Doctor's fall? A: the Ood; Q: Where did the crew escape from? A: an escape rocket; Q: What do the crew and Rose board and launch? A: the crash; Q: What does the Doctor discover he has survived? A: the physical form; Q: What does the Doctor find of the Beast? A: his consciousness; Q: What does the Doctor realize has managed to escape? A: faith; Q: What does the Doctor have in Rose? A: the sequence; Q: What does the Doctor trigger to send the Beast and the planet into the black hole? A: the Beast's consciousness; Q: What is inside Toby? A: the TARDIS; Q: What does the Doctor use to rescue Rose? Summary: Ida and the Doctor investigate the door and Rose and the other members of the crew witness a force leaving Toby's body and assume that he is no longer possessed. The Doctor descends into the dark pit and the Beast speaks to him, revealing he is the epitome of evil of several religions and has been sealed inside the planet, but is seeking to escape. The Doctor runs out of rope and believes he can survive the drop and falls, the news of which distresses Rose. Most of the crew and Rose escape from the Ood and board and launch an escape rocket. The Doctor discovers he has survived the crash and finds the physical form of the Beast. The Doctor realises his consciousness has managed to escape. Having faith in Rose, the Doctor triggers the sequence for the Beast and the planet to fall into the black hole, but as the Beast's consciousness is inside Toby the rocket begins to pull toward the black hole . Rose realises this and releases Toby from the rocket, and the Doctor finds the TARDIS in the pit and uses it to rescue Rose.
Written by SCOTT PETERS and RENE ECHEVARRIA Directed by YVES SIMENEAU March 3rd 1946 Crescent City, California A car is parked. Inside are seated a man and woman, and in the back is a young girl. The song 'I'm In Heaven' is playing on the radio. Mrs Rutledge: Ethan, I don't think it's going to clear up anytime soon. Ethan: I don't think it's gonna last that long. It's not raining that hard. Mrs Rutledge: It was so nice this morning. Ethan: Yeah. It'll clear up, and if it doesn't, we'll just have a picnic in the car. Maia: No Daddy. I want to play. Ethan: Oh no. You're gonna get all wet sweety. Maybe later. Maia: Please! It's a very light shower. Please! I won't get wet. Mrs Rutledge: Ok. Maia: Yay! Mrs Rutledge: But for just a minute. I want you to come right back. Maia: I promise. Ethan: Have fun. Maia: I will. Maia leaves the car and walks through a woodland area. A light appears from above, and the girl drops the flowers she's been picking, and disappears. May 11th 1951 South Korea A black soldier is being held by a group of white ones, while the repeatedly hit him. Soldier: We treated you as an equal, but that wasn't good enough for you. You had to cross the line. I'd put in for a transfer if I were you. He throws some pictures on the floor of Richard kissing a white girl. They others leave in disgust and suddenly a bright light appears from above. Richard looks up as the light get's brighter and engulfs him. June 11th 1979 Tacoma, Washington Two men are walking through a large ornate hallway. Man: So where are you two going for dinner? Orson: Chez Michael. Man: That's gonna set you back. Orson: Elizabeth has been married to me for 35 years. She deserves a nice meal. Man: Have a good evening, Orson. Orson: God bless. Orson walks outside to his car. He places his briefcase on the bonnet and a bright light appears. April 22nd 2001 Highland Beach, Washington Two young men are sat on the beach at night, drinking. Shawn: You need to slow down Cous! I'm not driving back into town, for another six pack. Kyle: You're just afraid my Dad will kick your ass if I come home smelling like beer. Shawn: Evil cousin Shawn, that's me. Corruptor of the innocent. They clink their beer bottles together. Kyle: That next door neighbour of yours, what's her name? She seem's ready for some corruption. Shawn: You mean Nikki? She's 14, Kyle. Kyle: 14? Shawn: Yeah. Kyle: Mmmm. Shawn: Mmmm. A bright light appears from above. Shawn disappears. Kyle screams and falls to the ground, unconscious. Present Day Kyle is in a hospital bed, in a coma. His father is sat at his bedside watching a tv. He stands up and moves over to the bed. Tom: Hey kiddo! You're missing your show. It's a big comet. NASA say's we'll never see one closer in our lifetime. Yeah, I didn't think that would work. Kyle's mother enters the room Linda: Hi, how is he? Tom: Same, same as always. Linda: Some of your mail is still coming to the house. Tom: I'll call the post office. She moves over to the bed and brushes his hair back from his forehead. Linda: Hi baby. She kisses him Tom: I haven't seen you around here for the last couple of day's. Linda: I can't make it every day. Not anymore. Not after three years. Tom: So what are we supposed to do? Just give up on him? Linda: I better go. Tom: Linda, just wait. Linda! Linda! He rushes after her. Linda: It's not a competition, Tom! It's not about who can sit by his side the longest. I still love him, I just can't live here like you do. Tom: I know. I wasn't accusing you. Linda: I saw you got a bill, from Olympia investigations. More private detectives? Tom: I thought we were onto something. Someone matching Shawns description, living down in Monteray. Linda: But it wasn't him, was it? Shawn could be anywhere. Even if you found him, it wouldn't wake Kyle up. Tom: At least I'd have some answers. Linda: I'm worried about you Tom. Tom: Finding Shawn, and figuring out what happened to our son, is my job. How can you not know that? Linda: You look tired. Try and get some rest. She leaves the hospital Shawn's younger brother is outside with his girlfriend. Nikki: I thought we were supposed to be watching the comet. Danny: Oh yeah, the comet. She looks up into the sky. Nikki: Is it supposed to be that bright? Agent Diana Skouris of Homeland Security- Seattle Branch,is running on a treadmill. Diana: Skouris here. Ryland: Get over here, now! Department Of Homeland Security, Seattle Diana is rushing down a hallway. She rushes into a large room. Diana: This cannot be good. Ryland: Alright, listen up everyone. We're at Defcon 1. These envelopes are orders from home sect. Our first priority is to secure Seatac airport and ground all the planes. Gather up all the foreign dignitaries in the greater metropolitan area. Get them, the local elected officials and take them all to the shelters in those orders. Diana: Someone bring me up to speed. Sid. Sid: It's a Comet. It's not a fly by anymore. It's headed right at us. Chen: Sir, it just changed course. It's headed right at us, again. Diana: Comet's cannot change course. Ryland: This one has. Diana: Then it's not a comet. Chen: It's estimated velocity is... Sid: 3000km's a second. Ryland: How much time do we have? Chen: Impact in 28 minutes. Another man comes up behind Ryland and hands him a phone. Agent: Sir. Ryland (Into phone): Ryland. Understood. He puts the phone down and addresses the people in the room. Ryland: China just launched it's missiles at it. Get ready guys, we're going next. Kyle's hospital room Tom is watching the news. News: There has been a launch. The US military has launched a volley of 24 type 2 missiles. People are out in the street, watching the missiles head for the comet. Nikki: Kenny, what's going on? Department of Homeland Security Diana: Alright, our missiles are in the air. Chen: England has launched too. Sid: France and Russia. Diana: Norad's saying the first lot of missiles will intercept in fifteen seconds. 9, 8,7,6,5,4.. Kyle's room News: 3,2,1 The missiles hit the target. With Danny and the others Susan (Danny's mom): We should get inside. Homeland Security Diana: Multiple hits. I think they got it. Kyle's hospital room News: Norad is reporting that at least nine of the Titan 2 missiles have hit their target. It appears the comet has... Homeland Security Chen: No effect. The comet's still headed right for us. Ryland: How hard will it hit? Diana: Something that big, that fast? You don't wanna know. You don't wanna know. With Danny and Nikki Nikki: I'm scared. I'm going to go find my parents, ok? They kiss and she leaves. Homeland Security Diana phones her father. Diana: Hey Dad. If you're there, can you pick up the phone? It's Diana. You know, your daughter. Sid and the others are also phoning home. Sid: Just tell my brother that I love him. Chen: You tell mommy that I love her, ok? Ryland: Nancy it's Dad. I just wanted to tell you, I love you.Danny's house News: A catastrophic impact with Earth, now appears unavoidable. Susan: Tom it's Susan. What is going on? Well Tom, isn't there a shelter that we can go to? I mean technically you still work for Homeland Security, don't you? Kyle's hospital room Tom: Susan, it doesn't matter. Those shelter's aren't going to make a damn bit of difference. I'm sorry. I love you sis. Just hug Danny close and pray for the best. Homeland Security Chen: Sir, British missiles just hit the object, but it's still coming. Sid: It's entered the atmosphere. Diana: I got it on Seatac radar. It's slowing down. Ryland: What? Diana: It's at mach 7. Mach 2. It's going subsonic. It's levelling off and continuing to lose speed. It's as if it's coming in for a landing. Ryland: Landing? Sid: What, like a plane? Chen: No, more like a mothership. Ryland: Give me some coordinates. Where is it going? Diana: 47 North, Longtitude. 122, maybe 123, west, latitude. Ryland: That's by Mount Rainier. That's our backyard. Members of Homeland Security and the press arrive on the mountain. Reporter: Come on, get the shot! Get the shot! A ball of light comes out of the sky and begins to move along the lake. The onlookers stand silently and watch. Reporter: We're close to the base of mount Rainier. The ball of light is massive. 100, 200ft in diameter. Hard to tell. We're going to try to get closer. I can tell you, that this is, without a doubt, one of the most incredible sights I've ever seen. The public are watching the broadcast on their televisions. The ball of light continues to hover and then begins to change shape. Reporter: We're still looking for something official from the government. The light get's smaller and suddenly explodes, sending out a large wave of energy, blowing people to the floor. News: What's going on? Reporter: We're not sure what's just happened. The ball of light is gone. The mist begins to clear and as Diana looks on, thousands of people begin to emerge. Shawn is one of them, along with Orson, Richard and Maia. Susan: I think I just... I saw your brother! Danny: You sure? Susan: Yeah! Maia appears out of the mist. Later at Homeland Security Ryland: Pull me all the files from the Northern Counties. He walks into another room where Tom is waiting. Tom: I want back in. Ryland: Tom, do you have any idea what I'm wading through here? I have over 4000 people, that stepped out of a ball of light and landed in my lap. Some of them have been gone 60 years. None of them have any memory of what happened to them. Now you want me to drop everything, because you want back in. Tom: I can help. Ryland: I needed help from you before. When Home Sec asked me who I wanted to bring over from the bureau, your name was at the top of the list. What did I get from you? Tom: Five months. Ryland: Five months, and then an indefinite leave of absence. You made fools out of both of us. Tom: I needed to find the truth about what happened to my son! Ryland: And you still do. And that's the reason you want back in, because your nephew is one of the returnee's. Tom: Look I admit, I have a personal stake in this. That's why I'll come through for you. I need answers too. Ryland takes Tom in to see Diana. Ryland: Diana Skouris Diana: Yes. Ryland: Tom Baldwin. You two will be one of the teams that's responsible for investigating what happened to the returnee's. Tom: Scouris! Ex CDC right? Diana: Yes. I heard of you, too. She turns to Ryland. Diana: You gotta be kidding me, right? Ryland: Is there a problem? Diana: He went MIA once, who's to say he won't do it again? Tom: Me. Diana: Is this where you give me the 'Be a good soldier' speech? Ryland: No, this is where I give you the speech, about how you're my best field scientist and Tom is my best lead investigator, and how together you're gonna make a good team. Diana: Well, it should be interesting. Tom: Nice to meet you, too. Ryland: Beautiful. The sooner we find out what's going on, the better for us. Tom walks over to a monitor, which is showing the returnee's milling around in a large room. Ryland: The better for them. The returnee's are logged. Guard: What's your name again, sir? A montage of faces and names appear. Julia: Julius Anita: Anita Amanda: Amanda Clips from various interviews with the people returned. Amanda: I want to see my family. Other people talk, in various languages. Diana: So for them, no time has past. Tom: So between you and me. What do you think happened to them? Where do you think they've been? Diana: I don't know. There had to have been some kind of intelligence behind it. Tom: Was it the hand of God? Or little grey men? Diana: I'm not discounting anything. Here look, here's an interesting one. Maia appears on the screen. Maia: They're dead aren't they? Diana: This is Maia Rutledge. She was the first one to disappear, as far as we can tell. She was eight years old, only she was born in 1938. Maia: I'll be ok. Mostly. Diana: She's a tough little kid. Tom: Look, there's one returnee I'd like to interview myself. Diana: Yeah, so I've been told. Returnee 1217, Shawn Farrell. He's all yours. The Barbara Yates Show on TV Interviewee: All we're asking for is access. These people deserve to see their families and to receive legal representation. They're private citizens who've done nothing wrong. Yates: We don't know that. It's been less than a week. For all we know, these people could be walking time bombs. Maia and Orsen are watching the show. Maia: She doesn't like us much. Orson: The feeling's mutual. Shawn is pacing, while Richard sits reading the National Geographic. Richard: The Secretary of State is coloured? Shawn: Black. I'll take your word for it. Richard: And the National Security Advisor, too. Lord, the world sure has changed, since we've been gone. You should try and relax son. You're not going to get out of here any quicker, by wearing a groove in the floor. Shawn: You some kind of jailhouse philosopher? Richard: Barracks philosopher actually. I was a combat pilot in Korea. Shawn: Nice tattoo. Who's Lily? Richard: A girl I used to know. Tannoy: Shawn Farrell, report to interview room one. Shawn: I'll see you. He walks over to a side room. Orson is sat at one of the hatches. Interviewer: What's your name again, sir? Orson: Orson Bailey. I wanna speak to someone in charge. I mean, why can't I just make a call. Shawn arrives in the room to find Tom waiting for him. They are separated by glass. Shawn: Uncle Tommy, hi! It's good to see you! Look, what's going on, nobody will tell us anything. Tom appears to be in shock. Tom: We'll let you know as soon as we find out. I still can't believe it's you. Shawn: How do you think I feel? Listen, do you know how long they're gonna keep us, because I really want to go home. Tom gestures for Shawn to sit. Tom: Shawn, do you remember anything? Anything at all about what happened that night? Shawn: See, nothing! Nothing. One minute I'm sitting there with Kyle, on the beach, the next, it's three years later, and I'm standing next to some mountain with a couple thousand strangers around me. Listen Uncle Tommy, some people are saying that we were abducted by aliens. Tom: We can't rule anything out yet. Shawn: Well can you give me anything? How's my Mom? How's Danny? Tom: Fine, they're all fine. They miss you. Shawn: Hey, what about Kyle? He must have seen something the night I disappeared. Did he tell you anything? Tom stands up. Tom: He hasn't said a word. Shawn: He's ok, isn't he? Isn't he? Tom: Kyle's in a coma, Shawn. Shawn: What are you talking about? Tom: What I'm talking about, is Kyle, lying in a bed, with a ventilator down his throat. Being fed down one tube and pissing out of another. He's been like that ever since the night you left. Shawn: He was fine last time I saw him. We were having a couple of beers... He sit's back down. Tom: Look, don't you lie to me Shawn! Shawn: I'm not. Tom: Don't you lie to me! I've been waiting three years to hear the truth from you, so please don't lie to me. Shawn is upset. Shawn: I just told you the truth! Is that what you've been thinking, this whole time? That I gave Kyle something that messed him up and then I just took off? Screw you Uncle Tommy! I just told you everything I know! He picks up a chair and throws it. Shawn: Dammit!! Richard is sat on a chair, playing with a zippo lighter A woman walks up to him. Lily: You look as bored as I feel. I wish there were windows in this place. I'd like to see the stars, wouldn't you? Richard stands up and seems to be confused. Lily: Do I look that bad? Richard: No, it's just that you remind me of someone I used to know. Lily: How long you been gone? Richard: Since '51. Lily: Wouldn't be me then, '93. Richard: My friend, her name was Lily, too. Lily Bonham. Lily: That's my Grandmother's name. Richard: Lily Bonham from St Louis? Lily: You knew my Grandmother. Richard: Is she still alive? Lily: I'm sorry. She died before I was born. Richard sit's in a chair, clearly upset. Lily kneels beside him. Lily: Are you alright? Richard: Lily's dead, and I'm sitting here with her Granddaughter. It doesn't make any sense. No goddamn sense at all. Lily: I know how you feel. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up from this dream and tell my husband all about it. Richard: You have a family? Lily: Yeah. Brian and I and our daughter Heidi. She was six months when I...So what was she like, my Grandmother? Everyone say's I look a lot like her. Richard: They were right. Orson is still at one of the windows. Interviewer: I'm sorry. That's not possible right now. Orson: This is ridiculous. You have no right to hold us here like this. We haven't done anything wrong! Interviewer: I'm sorry. Maia approaches him and hands him a serviette. Maia: This is for you His nose is bleeding. Later in Diana's office Diana: We're letting them go? They've only been back six weeks. It's too soon. Ryland: Well the ninth circuit court of appeal has upheld the lawsuit by the ACLU on behalf of the families. We don't have a legal right to hold them. Chen: Ok, but some of these people have no place to go. No families left. Sid: The word is, Egypt and China are refusing to repatriate it's citizens. India's on the fence. Ryland: Well, wait a minute. We're not kicking anybody out. Whoever wants to stay, can stay. As far as American citizens, whoever leaves will get whatever assistance is required, to get their life back on track. Medicare, unemployment, rent vouchers, vocational training. Diana: Vocational training? We need to isolate these people. Tom: They're not virus samples, they're human beings. Ryland: The orders been given. We're letting them go. I wouldn't book your vacations, just yet. The doors are opened and the people are released. Maia sits on a chair, alone. Ryland: Each regional Homeland Security Office, will be responsible for the returnee's who settle in their region. So we'll be monitoring 79 people. Plus, another 135 have chosen to remain in quarantine for the time being. Maia is all alone now. Ryland: Each of our returnee's, will check in once a week. Any difficulties faced by the returnee's in our district, will be handled by this office. Finally, we'll continue with our ongoing investigation. They'll all sleep better, once we know what the hell's going on. Thankyou. The returnee's are queueing up and receiving numbers on cards. Lily walks up to Richard. Lily: You look so lonely standing there without an ID number. Richard: I'm supposed to be 82 years old. There's no-one here waiting for me. Lily: So what are you gonna do, now that you're out? Richard: Head back to the old neighbourhood, I suppose. What about you? Wait, let me guess. Take your daughter to Woodland Park. Lily: We used to love that place.Of course, Heidi was barely crawling then and now she's 12. Richard: You've been a good friend. Lily is crying, and they hug. Kenny and Susan are waiting outside as Shawn walks up the stairs. Orson speaks with one of the guards. Orson: They told me there would be a bus to the city. Guard: Yes sir, over there. Lot's of families are waiting for their loved ones, each holding an ID number to enable the returnee's to recognise them. Shawn: Hey Mom! Danny! Shawn rushes over to his mother and brother. Lily thinks she recognises her husband and walks over to a man. Lily: Brian! Brian! He turns, but it's not him. Lily: I'm sorry. Shawn has his arms around his family. Shawn: Let's go! A lot of reunions are happening, but Lily's husband isn't there. She decides to make her own way home, and arrives at her house. Nervously making her way to the door, she prepares to knock, just as two young girls open the door. Heidi: Can I help you? Lily: Heidi? Heidi: Yeah. Lily: Heidi, it's Mommy. Heidi: Who? A man comes rushing out. Brian: Heidi! That's ok sweetie, I got it. Lily: Brian. Brian: Lily. She begins to cry and rushes into his arms. Brian: Look at you, you haven't aged a day. Lily: Why didn't you come pick me up Didn't they contact you? Brian: Yeah. You have to try to understand, Lil. I didn't think I was ever going to see you again. I'm married, Lily. Carole has been a really good mother to Heidi. We have a son now,too. A little boy. I'm sorry. Lily. Lily turns and walks back down the steps, crying. Orson is walking through what seems to be an old people's home. He approaches an elderly woman sat on a bed. Orson: Elizabeth? Elizabeth: Orson? Where have you been? I've been waiting for you. He kisses her hand. Orson: I know. Elizabeth: Where's the car. We're going to be late for dinner. Orson: I'm sorry honey. Things got a little out of control. But it won't happen again. He begins to cry. There's a welcome home party at Shawns house. He's walking through, welcoming people, whilst his arm remains around Danny's shoulder. Shawn: Hey mom. Hey guys, it's good to see you. Danny: I'm sorry your buddies didn't show up. I guess most of them are away at college. Shawn: They're just jealous that I get to enjoy two more years of high school. Nikki approaches them. Nikki: High School's not that bad. Hi Shawn. Remember me? Shawn: Nikki? No! Last time I saw you, you were just a little kid. Now look at you. Danny has his arm around her. Danny: Look at me, huh? Shawn: Yeah, I guess so. St. Louis, Missouri Richard is walking amongst some homeless people, who are living in an abandoned building. Chen: What the hell are you looking at? Richard: I used to live here. Chen: Yeah? Well, I live here now. Get the hell outta here! Shawns house Diana and Tom are in the kitchen. Diana: Why did you bring me here? Tom: I thought it would put a Human face on the returnee's, for you.Remind you they're people not virus'. Linda walks in. Linda: Tom, are you gonna introduce me to your new friend? Tom: Ah, Linda. This is my partner. My work partner, Diana Scouriz. Diana this is my wife, Linda. Linda: We're separated. Call me. We need to talk. Diana: Well that was awkward. Tom: Really? Diana: Yeah. Tom: I hadn't noticed. Give me a second. He heads outside, to find Shawn sitting on the porch. Tom: You look thirsty. Shawn: Thankyou. Tom: I just wanted you to know, I really am glad you're back. Shawn: Whatever, Uncle Tom, I mean... A bird flies into the side of the house, killing itself. Shawn picks it up and cradles it in his hands. Shawn: Geez Tom: Neck's broken. Shawn: Reflection must have confused him, huh? Tom: Why don't you come back inside. You're missing your own party. Shawn: I know, it's just weird being in there. The birds eyes open and it flies away. Maia: I have to come to see the Doctor, every week? Diana: I know, it doesn't sound like much fun to me either, but hey, you know, you get to live with these lovely people, and that beats a bunk in quarantine, right? Foster Mother: Besides, there's nothing we can't handle, right Maia? Maia: That would be nice. Kenneth: Well we should get going. It's a bit of a drive to Everett. Diana: Yeah, terrific. Good luck Maia. Maia: You'll see me again. Diana: Yeah, next week. Maia: Sooner than that. Diana looks confused and Maia walks away. Orson is walking with his business partners son at the offices of Kensington and Bailey. Adam: Can I get you anything? Orson: Uh, water, that'll be fine. Adam: Mary, could you get Mr Bailey some water? Just down here. You know, I can't get over it. You look exactly the same as the last time I saw you. Orson: And you were what, thirteen. Your father asked me to show you the ropes. Adam: Yes. Orson: It looks like I succeeded. Adam: Please have a seat. Orson: Thank you. Adam: So, what can I do for you Mr Bailey. Orson: My old corner office, for starters. Thankyou. A secretary, some business cards. I should be able to start seeing clients within a week or so. Adam: You're looking for a job? Orson: This is still Kensington and Bailey, isn't it? Adam: I'm embarrassed. Times are tight. I just had to lay off three of my actuaries. I don't have any openings right now, Mr Bailey. Orson: Openings? I'm a partner here. Adam: Mr Bailey, your interest in the company, was bought out, when you were declared dead. Orson: I'm not dead. Adam: Well, your wife accepted the settlement. It is all legal. Orson: Don't be too sure of that. What happened to me, there's no precedent. Adam: You are right about that, but it might be years until precedent is established. Until that happens, all of you returnee's are gonna have to get in line and plead your case in front of a judge. Do you have the kind of resources to... Orson: Have you seen the kind of place my wife is in? I have to get her out of there! Adam: I don't have permission to discuss this any further. Orson: I need money, now! He squeezes a glass until it shatters. Maia arrives at her new home. Foster Mother: This is the living room and there's the kitchen. Do you wanna see your room? Maia: Ok. Foster Mother: I think it's really nice. It's the one over here. Kenneth: We just had it redone. Maia: It's a very nice room. Foster Mother: I got you a few things to start. Tomorrow we can go shopping and you can pick out a few bits, yourself. Maia: Ok She hops up onto the bed and takes her trainers off, putting them on the chair. Kenneth: Maia honey, we have a rule. No shoes on the furniture. Maia: I didn't want them to get wet. Foster Mother: Wet? Why would they get wet? Kenneth: Why don't you get cleaned up. We're going to eat soon. They leave the room. Maia picks up the shoes and places them back on the chair. Richard is walking through a diner, looking at the various people in the booths. Maia is asleep in bed. Shawn is outside in his garden. Orson is sat at his wife's side. Shawn sits on a bench and waves to Nikki, who's standing at her window. Richard lights up a cigarette as he sit's in a booth at the diner. Some punk rockers point to a no smoking sign and he puts his cigarette out. Lily is walking through the streets. Shawns family car is covered in grafitti. Water spills out of a hosepipe into Maia's bedroom. Her foster mother walks in and Maia stares at her. Richard is looking at some old photo's of Lily. Orson arrives in a taxi at the gate's of Adam's house. He begins to press the bell. Orson: Adam, it's Orson. Let me in, I wanna talk. He continues to press the buzzer, but Adam's ignoring it. Orson: I know you can hear me. Let me in! You want me to wake the whole neighbourhood? Orson begins to shake the gate and as he does so, the house begins to shake, smashing things inside. The windows blow out and Adam grabs his head as Orson begins to yell. Adam falls to the ground, dead, with some glass embedded in his chest. Kyle's hospital room. Diana turns up to find Tom asleep in the chair. Diana: Tom? Tom: What are you doing here? Diana: Your phone is off. Ryland wants us to come in. Tom: What's up? Diana: There's been a murder. The police are holding one of the 4400. Homeland Security A picture of Orson is brought up on a monitor. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryland: That's him. That's Orson Bailey. Tom: Bailey? Some kind of businessman, right? Ryland: Right. Tom: Life insurance? Ryland: Yeah. Diana: Disappeared in the 70's. Ryland: '79. Declared dead in '86. Seattle police are holding him in connection with a homocide in Madison Park, last night. Tom: Do they know he's one of the 4400? Ryland: Bailey told them. That's why they called us. Diana: Well, I thought the returnee's were told not to discuss their status? Ryland: Well we counsel them to avoid it, if they possibly can, but we were talking job interviews and housing applications. There's not really a protocol for being questioned about a murder. Tom: He said holding, not charging. Ryland: That's right. There are some conflicting reports about what actually went on at the crime scene. Tom: We'll check it out. Ryland: Quietly. I don't want to be dodging microphones at the six 'o'clock news. Tom: Quietly it is. Ryland: Diana! He hands her a folder, and they leave. Tom leaves the building with Diana and uses his mobile to call his wife. He reaches her answerphone. Answerphone: Hi, this is Linda. I can't come to the phone right now, but just leave a message and I'll call you back. Tom: Linda it's me again. You said we needed to talk, so pick up the phone. Linda, come on. Alright, call me. Diana: Everything alright? Tom: Same old, same old. Call me, don't call me. I wish she'd make up her mind. Diana: You know, I had a boyfriend once. Every time... Tom: Boyfriend? Diana: Well, don't look so surprised. God! Yeah, anyway, the thing about this guy thing... Tom: You can stop! Diana: I barely got started. Tom: All I'm saying is, you don't have to try to make me feel better. Diana: Well, it was more of an attempt at bonding, via a shared similar experience. Can you open the door? Tom: How long did you go out with this guy? Diana: Nine months. Tom: Nine months. So you're equating your nine months of dating, with my nineteen years of marriage. Diana: You're right, ok, forget it. You want me to drive? Tom: What for? Diana: I don't know. So you can brood? Tom: Just get in. He get's into the car and leaves her standing. She taps on the window as her door is still locked. Shawn's first day back at High School. He walks up to find his locker. The halls are filled with people, all staring at him. Someone rushes up and pushes him against the locker. Kenny and Nikki are watching. Brad: Look who floated in on a ball of light. Remember me? Shawn: Rossi. Hi. It looks like the steroids finally kicked in. Brad: Funny man, funny. I always did appreciate your sense of humour. But that time you sold me those concert tickets, right before you disappeared. Shawn: To see the Foo Fighters? How was the show? Brad: The police were waiting for me when I showed up. The tickets were stolen man. You got me arrested. Shawn: You got arrested for stolen tickets? Brad: Yeah, I had 5 tabs of ect's on me. I had to pee into a cup, once a week, for two years, because of you. Shawn is being hit up against the locker. Nikki and Kenny rush over. Nikki: Stop it! Danny: Come on, get off of him! Brad: It's between me and your brother. Danny: Yeah? Well I'm making it between you and me. Brad: See you around, freak. Oh by the way. I like the new paint job on your ride. Brad walks away. Nikki: You ok? Shawn: Fine Diana and Tom are looking at the surveillance video of Orson. Officer: The security camera's caught everything. The guy definitely had a bug up his ass. Except, as far as we can tell, he never went inside. Kensington fell into all that glass, and impaled himself. Tom: You've been through all the footage? Officer: Every scrap. He never made it past the gate. Tom: Hold on a second. Did you see that? They watch as Orson shakes the gate so violently that it comes away from the concrete posts. Tom: That's glass. Diana: Yeah, something blew out the windows, but from the inside. Officer: Yeah, we're still trying to figure that one out. There was no seismic activity. No evidence of a bomb or gas leak. Tom: And Bailey's not talking? Officer: We've sent half a dozen guys in there, but he hasn't given us anything. Orson in interviewed. Orson: Look, I've been over and over this, with you people. Tom: We're not the police, we're Homeland Security. Orson: Well tell the bozo's out there, that I had nothing to do with what happened to Adam. Tom: Let's just go over your day again. You went to see Adam Kensington about a job, and even though your name is still on the company letterhead, he brushed you off. I know how that would make me feel. Orson: I admit I was angry. I went to Adam's house to...I don't know why I went. But I didn't kill him. Diana: Let me read you an e-mail Kensington sent to his attorney, after your visit. Tom: It's not important. Diana: Just a sec. Bailey is making desperate claims regarding his financial stake in the company. He actually threatened to sue. I don't think he realises, there are going to be hundreds of law suits involving the 4400. It'll take years. The poor bstrd, he really is rather.... The coffee pots are shaking. Diana: ...a pathetic case. The coffee pots shatter. Orson's nose is bleeding. Orson: Now I'm not a lawyer, but I'm not an idiot either. You've had me here for twelve hours. Either you charge me with something, or let me go. Diana and Tom make their way out of the station. Diana: So we're just gonna let him walk, after what happened in there? Tom: Yeah, looks like it. But for future reference, if I ever wanna play good cop, bad cop, I'll let you know. Diana: Which one do I get to be? Tom: This isn't a joke. There's a time to lean in on a guy, and that wasn't it. You shut him down. Diana: Look, I'm sorry. Bailey admitted he was angry with Kensington. He was at his house. Tom: I didn't say it was over, did I? Maia lays flowers on the graves of her parents. Maia: Do you think they ever thought about me? Foster Mother: Oh sweetie, they were your parents. I am sure that they thought about you every day. Maia: Thanks for bringing me here. Kenneth: This place used to be so nice. Now the kids leave their garbage everywhere. Foster Mother: It's a shame. Maia: You don't have to worry. Cranridge is nice. Kenneth: Cranridge cemetary? Maia: Yes, that's where you will be. Kenneth: Be? Be what? Maia: Buried. Tom and Diana go to the morgue. Medical Examiner : Kensington's a popular guy around here today. The whole staffs been through here for the post mortem. Tom: Why's that? Medical Examiner : Well, he may have been a boring old suit when he was alive? But in death, he's a rock star. Diana: God, look at that. Those were his parietal bones? They're looking at x-rays of his skull. Medical Examiner : We've seen bleeding deaths in here, as bad as you can imagine. Even a guy who jumped off the space needle and had to be brought to us in a garbage bag, but I have never seen a skull in this kind of shape before. Thousands of tiny little bone fragments that... Tom: Kensington was impaled. Are you saying that's not how he died? Medical Examiner :Oh, that would have killed him, but he was already dead, from a shattered skull. Richard is in a phonebox. He phones Lily's house. Heidi: Hello? Richard: Hello, is Lily there? Heidi: Who? Richard: Is this Heidi? Heidi: Yes. Richard: I'm Richard Tyler, a friend of your mothers. Heidi: My mother's name is Carole. Are you sure you have the right number? Richard: This is the Moore residence, isn't it? Heidi: Yeah, but there's no-one named Lily here, sorry. Lily is with a Doctor. Doctor: Well I can't give you any medicine for the nausea. Lily: Why not? Doctor: Because it wouldn't work. You're not sick Lily, you're pregnant. Lily: That's impossible. The quarantine Doctors would have told me. Doctor: You said they gave you a full screening seven weeks ago. If you'd just conceived, it wouldn't have shown up in their tests. Lily: Conceived? When? Doctor: I assume it happened right before you disappeared. But there's no mistake, you're definitely pregnant. There's nothing to worry about. I'd like to see you next week.... Her voice fades out. Lily is in shock. Seacrest Senior High School Shawn is walking down the stairs. Nikki: Shawn! Shawn: Hey, how you doing? What's up? Nikki: Good. Did you get your car fixed? Shawn: It's gonna be in the shop for about a week. Nikki: Yeah. You know, Danny and I are going to a party tonight at Irvin Chobey's house. You should come. Shawn: I don't think so. Nikki: Why not? Shawn: Um, well, they're gonna be listening to music I've never listened to. Talking about movies I've never seen. School is bad enough. Partying with a bunch of runts from... Nikki: Is that how you saw me? A runt? Shawn: You were fourteen, Nikki. Nikki: And now? The bell rings. Shawn: I'm late for class. Orson goes to visit his wife. He finds her cubicle empty. Orson: Where's my wife? Manager: Mr Bailey, you have our deepest condolences. Orson: What? Manager: We called your hotel room, there was no answer. Orson: Elizabeth? Manager: It was a pulmonary embolism, about one 'o'clock this morning. We tried to revive her. Orson: No!! She's all I have!! He has the man hold by the collar. Manager: Please just calm down. Orson: She's all I have!! He begins to lose control. Things begin to explode and his nose is bleeding again. Homeland Security Diana: So, the red dots mark the spots where the American members of the 4400 originally lived. Tom: You mean, the returnee's. Diana: Not according to the press. It's the 4400. Now you have to admit, it's a bit strange. A nice, round number, like that. I wonder if it has any significance. Tom: So you're saying that if 3781 people, had suddenly shown up that night, it wouldn't have been as strange. Diana: I'd say, slightly less strange. This however, is downright weird. Here's where the 4400 are right now, two weeks after their release. Tom: 65% are still in Seattle. Diana: They're just not going home, and none of them can come up with a good reason as to why. Tom: You think it means something? Diana: In the CDC, we'd call this a statistically significant, disease cluster. Tom: Yeah well, in the FBI, we'd call it a freaky coincidence. Diana: I don't believe in coincidences. Disease clusters. I believe in those. Lily meet's with Brian in a restaurant. Brian: What do you mean, you're pregnant? Lily: I just found out a few day's ago. Brian: I don't understand. When you disappeared, I'd been in New York for weeks, studying for the bar. Lily: I can't explain it. I haven't been with anyone else. Brian: So what are we talking, immaculate conception? Lily: I don't know what we're talking about. I wish I did. Brian: You know, when you disappeared, I'd have given anything in the world to talk to you again. I had whole conversations with you, in my head. I missed you so much, Lil. But we can't do this. I have another family now, and I'm sorry, I know that's not fair to you, but... Lily: I am still part of your life, whether you want me to be or not. Brian: Lil, you haven't been part of my life for eleven years. Lily: I wanna see Heidi. Brian: I'm sorry, that's impossible. Lily: She's my daughter. Brian: She doesn't know that. She thinks that Carole is her mother. Lily: You never told her about me? Brian: She was a baby when you left. Hell, we were babies when you left. Lily: You can't stop me from seeing her. Brian: I already have. He hands her an envelope. Lily: What's this? Brian: It's a temporary restraining order. Lily: But I haven't done anything wrong. Brian: Lily, I'm a lawyer, I know how to work the system. Now I don't wanna use this, but I will if you force me to. My first priority has to be to protect my family. Lily: I am your family! Brian: I wish you were, but you're not. Not anymore. I'm sorry lil, I'm asking you. Please stay away from Heidi and from me. I'm sorry Lil. He stands up and leaves. The residential home Manager: At first I thought it was an earthquake. Everything was shaking, falling off the walls, but then, I can't believe I'm gonna say this.... things started to fly around the room. Papers, chairs. Tom: What do you mean, fly? Manager: I mean fly. Like it was a tornado. Except there was no wind. Everybody was screaming. Mr Bailey Was shouting.My head felt like it was gonna burst, and then suddenly it was over. Tom: What about Bailey? Manager: Oh, he looked scared, like the rest of us. That's when he ran away. The staff, everyone's saying he's one of these people. The 4400? Is that true? Tom: Listen to me very carefully. You are not going to talk about this to the press or anyone else, and the same goes for your staff. If I pick up a paper and see a word of this, or I see it reported on the news, I'm gonna take an interest in this place. Tom, Diana and Ryland take a walk outside the Homeland Security building. Ryland: Things flying around the room. Tom: I know, but we got a half a dozen witnesses, all saying the same thing. Ryland: Yeah, flying. I gotta do a briefing for Home Sect DC in the morning and I'm gonna tell them what? Diana: Well I'd go with, the incident is under investigation. Tom: Bailey checked out of his hotel, after he left the nursing home. He could be on the run, we're not sure. Ryland: Find him. You bought us some time, but this story is gonna leak and I want Bailey in our hands before it does. On campus Nikki: Is this campus, everything you remember it to be? Danny: You heard about Williams and Miss Sinclair, right? Shawn: No. Danny: No? They found them in the janitors closet. Shawn: What is that? Danny: Making out. Not bad. Rossi watches them as they walk past. Shawn: What? Danny: Everybody in school's been talking about it. Brad: Yo, freak! Still hiding behind your little brother? Shawn: You know what Brad? You need to shut it down. Brad: You wanna shut me down? You know, the only thing I'm shutting down, is you, bitch! Shawn drops his bag, as Brad stands up. Shawn: You're really starting to piss me off, now. Brad: Come on, bring it! Knock me down. They begin to fight on the grass. Shawn gets him on the floor and holds him there. Brad begins to turn blue and Kenny runs over shouting. Danny: Hey, come on! Let him go! Shawn! Shawn get's up. Danny: What did you do to him? Shawn is bleeding from the mouth, and walks away. Maia's foster father has a brochure from a cemetary. Kenneth: I don't wanna hear anymore. Foster Mother: Keep your voice down, she'll hear you. Kenneth: It's bad enough she tells us we're gonna be buried in Crown Ridge cemetary, but then the next day, we get a brochure from the place, in the mail? Foster Mother: It's a coincidence. Look, she's not what we expected, so let's just talk to her. Kenneth: Yeah. The woman goes to Maia's room and finds her standing there with her bag packed. Maia: It's ok. I knew I wasn't going to be here very long. Shawn is playing basketball in the street with Kenny. Danny: Come on, come on let's go. Shawn: Give me the ball. Danny: Your shot space boy. Shawn: What is your problem Danny: What's my problem? Shawn: Yeah, what's your problem Danny: Come on Danny, not you too. Come on! Danny: The way he went down? That's not normal. You know it, I know it, everybody saw it! Shawn: What are you saying? Danny: You tell me. Shawn: I didn't do anything to him, alright, Danny? Not a thing! Tom and Diana are going through some of Elizabeth's belongings. Diana: Is this all that's left, when you're done? Poor Mrs Bailey. A box of trinkets. Tom: They're not trinkets. They're memories. The kind you leave behind, you know, for family and friends? Diana: Hmmm. I should get to work on that. Tom: I'm not going there. Diana: Well, believe it or not, some of us are happier alone. Tom: No-one's happy alone. If they think that, they're kidding themselves. Diana: I thought you weren't going there? Tom: Did you see this? This looks promising. He finds a photo of Orson and Elizabeth. Diana: Wyler summer cabin. Wyler was Elizabeth's maiden name. Tom: Orson's panicking, he needs a place to run. Diana: Well there's no address. Tom: Then we'll have to find one. Maia is taken back to Homeland Security. Kenneth: It's better this way, for everyone. Foster Mother: Everyone? Or just you	Plan: A: A comet 's path; Q: What changes course towards Earth when suddenly it comes in for a "landing"? A: 4400 people; Q: How many people reappear after a comet's path changes course towards Earth? A: the past 58 years; Q: How long had the people been missing? A: reappear; Q: What happens to the 4400 people who were thought to be dead or missing? A: none; Q: How many of the 4400 people who reappear have aged a day or had any memories since disappearing? Summary: A comet 's path changes course towards Earth when suddenly it comes in for a "landing". 4400 people, assumed to be dead or missing over the past 58 years, reappear and none has aged a day or have any memories since disappearing.
[ Location: Sky Box ] Clarke (thoughts): I feel the sun on my face. I see trees all around me, scent of wildflowers on a breeze. It's so beautiful. In this moment, I'm not stranded in space. It's been 97 years since a nuclear apocalypse killed everyone on Earth, leaving the planet simmering in radiation. Fortunately, there were survivors. 12 nations had operational space stations at the time of the bombs. There is now only The Ark, one station forged from the many. We're told the Earth needs another 100 years to become survivable again. 4 more space-locked generations, and man can go home, back to the ground. The ground, that's the dream. This is reality. Guard: Prisoner 319, face the wall. Clarke (thoughts): Reality sucks. Clarke: What is this? Guard: Quiet. Hold out your right arm. Clarke: No. No. It's not my time. I don't turn 18 for another month. Guard: Hold out your arm. Clarke (thoughts): On The Ark, every crime, no matter how small, is punishable by death - unless you're under 18. Guard: Your watch. Clarke: No. It was my father's. Guard: Take it off. Clarke: No. Guard: Hey! Clarke: No. Clarke (thoughts): Juvenile offenders get put here -- lockup. We call it the Sky Box. Guard: Prisoner 319. Abigail Griffin (Clarke's Mother): Clarke, stop. Wait here. Clarke: Mom? Mom, what's going on? What is this? Guard (to another prisoner): Come on. Let's go. Clarke: They're killing us all, aren't they, reducing population to make more time for the rest of you? Abigail Griffin: Clarke, you are not being executed. You're being sent to the ground, all 100 of you. Clarke: What? But it's not safe. No. No. We get reviewed at 18. Abigail Griffin: The rules have changed. This gives you a chance to live. Your instincts will tell you to take care of everybody else first, just like your father, but be careful. I can't lose you, too. I love you so much. (Guard uses tranquilizing gun on Clarke) Abigail Griffin: Earth, Clarke. You get to go to Earth. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Location: Drop Ship ] Wells: Welcome back. Look. Clarke: Wells, why the hell are you here? Wells: When I found out they were sending prisoners to the ground, I got myself arrested. I came for you. Clarke: What was that? Wells: That was the atmosphere. Chancellor Jaha (via TV screen): Prisoners of The Ark, hear me now. You've been given a second chance, and as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us, indeed for mankind itself. We have no idea what is waiting for you down there. If the odds of survival were better, we would've sent others. Frankly, we're sending you because your crimes have made you expendable. Random Prisoner: Your dad is a dick, Wells. Chancellor Jaha: If, however, you do survive, those crimes will be forgiven, your records wiped clean. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Location: The Ark ] Parents: I saw a ship launch not more than 20 minutes ago. Who was on it? Was it the prisoners? They're just kids. Are they going to Earth? Has something changed? Callie Cartwig: Folks, as I said, at this time, we cannot confirm or deny anything. Parents: Come on, lady! Is my son on that ship. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Location: Drop Ship ] Chancellor Jaha: The drop site has been chosen carefully. Before the last war, Mount Weather was a military base built within a mountain. It was to be stocked with enough non-perishables to sustain 300 people for up to two years. No one ever made it there. Because we spare you no food, or water, or medicine, I cannot stress strongly enough, that Mount Weather is life. Prisoners: Spacewalk bandit strikes again. Go, Finn! Check it out. Finn (to Wells): Your dad floated me, after all. Wells: You should strap in before the parachutes deploy. Clarke: Hey, you two, stay put if you want to live. Chancellor Jaha: You must locate those supplies immediately. Finn (to Clarke): Hey, you're the traitor who's been in solitary for a year. Clarke: You're the idiot who wasted a month of oxygen on an illegal spacewalk. Finn: But it was fun. I'm Finn. Chancellor Jaha: Your one responsibility is stay alive. Clarke: Stay in your seats. Finn, are you okay? Male: Whoa! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Exodus ship ] Kane: ( to CALLIE ) Not now. Jackson: Total system failure, that's what we're looking at. All we know for sure is that they were off course when we lost contact, so... Kane: Tell me about communications. Jackson: Other than the telemetry from their wristbands, we got nothing... No audio, no video, no computer link. Everything that we programmed in to help them is gone. They're on their own. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Exodus ship ] Wells: Retrorockets ought to have fired by now. Clarke: Okay. Everything on this ship is a hundred years old, right? Just give it a second. Wells: Clarke, there's something I have to tell you. I'm sorry I got your father arrested. Clarke: Don't you talk about my father. Wells: Please, I can't die knowing that you hate me. Clarke: They didn't arrest my father, Wells. They executed him. I do hate you. ( People shouting ) ( Crash ) ( Machines stop ) Monty: Listen. No machine hum. Jasper: Whoa. That's a first. ( Buckles clicking ) Clarke: Finn, is he breathing? Male: The outer door is on the lower level. Let's go. Clarke: No. We can't just open the doors. Bellamy: Hey, just back it up, guys. Clarke: Stop. The air could be toxic. Bellamy: If the air is toxic, we're all dead, anyway. Octavia: Bellamy? Male: That's the girl they hid under the floor. Bellamy: My God, look how big you are. Octavia: What the hell are you wearing, a guard's uniform? Bellamy: I borrowed it to get on the drop ship. Someone has got to keep an eye on you. Ha ha! Clarke: Where's your wristband? Octavia: Do you mind? I haven't seen my brother in a year. Male: No one has a brother. Female: That's Octavia Blake, the girl they found hidden in the floor. Bellamy: Octavia, Octavia, no. Let's give them something else to remember you by. Octavia: Yeah? Like what? Bellamy: Like being the first person on the ground in a hundred years. Octavia: ( Exhales ) Ah... ( Steps onto Earth ) Uh! We're back, bitches! ( All cheering ) ( Music playing] "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons ) ♪ I'm waking up to ash and dust ♪ ♪ I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust ♪ ♪ I'm breathing in the chemicals ♪ ♪ I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus ♪ ♪ This is it, the apocalypse ♪ ♪ Whoa ♪ ♪ I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones ♪ ♪ Enough to make my systems blow ♪ ♪ Welcome to the new age, to the new age ♪ ♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive ♪ ♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh... ♪ Finn: Why so serious, Princess? It's not like we died in a fiery explosion. Clarke: Try telling that to the two guys who tried to follow you out of their seats. Finn: You don't like being called Princess, do you, Princess? Clarke: Do you see that peak over there? Finn: Yeah. Clarke: Mount Weather. There's a radiation-soaked forest between us and our next meal. They dropped us on the wrong damn mountain. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ark ] Kane: There it is. We know they've landed, but communications are down, which means we're still blind to conditions on the ground. Thanks to Abby's wristbands, at least we know how those conditions affect the human body, which is more than we've had for a hundred years. So nice work. Now, what are they telling us? Abby: Two dead kids, dark tiles. Dr. Jackson, please share our theory with Councilor Kane. Jackson: Of course. Granted, they've only been on the ground for seven minutes, but as of now, we believe the fatalities are due to the landing, not radiation levels. Abby: Both boys died at the same time that we lost contact with the drop ship. Kane: Rough landing? That's your theory? Abby: The dots connect. Kane: Would you agree that if it was radiation, we'd see fatalities climb fairly quickly now? Because I'm noticing a lot of red on that board. Abby: Spiking vital signs, two possibilities, one, injuries sustained during landing. Kane: And the other? Abby: They're excited to be there. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ground ] Wells: We got problems. The communications system is dead. I went to the roof. A dozen panels are missing. Heat fried the wires. Clarke: Well, all that matters right now is getting to Mount Weather. See? Look. This is us. This is where we need to get to if we want to survive. Wells: Where'd you learn to do that? Your father. Jasper: Ah, cool, a map. They got a bar in this town? I'll buy you a beer. Wells: You mind? Jasper: Whoa. Male: Hey, hey, hey, hands off of him. He's with us. Wells: Relax. We're just trying to figure out where we are. Bellamy: We're on the ground. That not good enough for you? Wells: We need to find Mount Weather. You heard my father's message. That has to be our first priority. Octavia: Screw your father. What, you think you're in charge here, you and your little Princess? Clarke: Do you think we care who's in charge? We need to get to Mount Weather not because the Chancellor said so, but because the longer we wait, the hungrier we'll get and the harder this'll be. How long do you think we'll last without those supplies? We're looking at a twenty-mile trek, okay? So if we want to get there before dark, we need to leave now. Bellamy: I got a better idea. You two go, find it for us. Let the privileged do the hard work for a change. Delinquents: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wells: You're not listening. We all need to go. Murphy: Look at this, everybody... The Chancellor of Earth. Wells: Think that's funny? Uh! Clarke: Wells. Male: Yeah. Come on. Get him. Wells: No, but that was. All right. Male: What you gonna do now, Wells? Murphy: Come on. Come on. Male: Whoo! Whoo! Delinquents: Aw. Aw. Finn: Kid's got one leg. How about you wait until it's a fair fight? Octavia: ( to FINN ) Hey, spacewalker, rescue me next. ( to BELLAMY ) What? He's cute. Bellamy: He's a criminal. Octavia: They're all criminals. Bellamy: Look, O. I came down here to protect you. Octavia: I don't need protecting. I have been locked up one way or another all my life. I am done following orders. I need to have fun, Bell. I need to just do something crazy just because I can, and no one, including you, is gonna stop me. Bellamy: I can't stay with them, O. Octavia: Now what are you talking about? Female: Go find something. Bellamy: I did something, okay, to get on the drop ship, something that they will kill me for when they come down. I can't say what it is just yet, but you have to trust me. You do still trust me, don't you? Octavia: Yeah. Finn: ( to CLARKE ) So Mount Weather. When do we leave? Clarke: Right now. We'll be back tomorrow with food. Wells: How are the two of you gonna carry enough food for a hundred? Finn: ( Grabs MONTY and JASPER ) Four of us. Can we go now? Octavia: Sounds like a party. Make it five. Bellamy: Hey, what the hell are you doing? Octavia: Going for a walk. Clarke: ( to FINN ) Hey, were you trying to take this off? Finn: Yeah. So? Clarke: So this wristband transmits your vital signs to The Ark. Take it off, and they'll think you're dead. Finn: Should I care? Clarke: Well, I don't know. Do you want the people you love to think you're dead? Do you want them to follow you down here in two months? Because they won't if they think we're dying. Clarke: Okay! Now let's go. Bellamy: Go on. Octavia: Mwah! ( Sighs ) Clarke: You shouldn't have come here, Wells. Octavia: Before you get any ideas, Finn is mine. Clarke: Before you get any ideas, I don't care. [SCENE_BREAK] [ the Ark: Earth Monitoring Station ] Callie: Hey, darling, how's Clarke? Abby: Her vital signs are strong, blood sugar is low. She hasn't eaten. ( Telephone rings ) Abby: This is Dr. Griffin. On my way. Jackson, put it out there we need blood... A neg. And a lot of it, and then get your ass to the O.R. Callie: Abby, what's wrong? Abby: The Chancellor has been shot. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ground ] Jasper: Now, that, my friend, is game. Monty: That, my friend, is poison sumac. Octavia: What? It is? Monty: The flowers aren't poisonous. They're medicinal, calming, actually. Jasper: His family grows all the pharmaceuticals on The Ark. Clarke: Hey, guys, would you try to keep up? Finn: Come on, Clarke. How do you block all this out? Clarke: Well, it's simple. I wonder, 'why haven't we seen any animals?' Maybe it's because there are none. Maybe we've already been exposed to enough radiation to kill us. Sure is pretty, though. Come on. Octavia: Someone should slip her some poison sumac. Jasper: ( Snorts ) Finn: I got to know what you two did to get busted. Monty: Sumac is not the only herb in the garden, if you know what I mean. Jasper: Someone forget to replace what we took. Monty: Someone has apologized, like, a thousand times. Jasper: How about you, Octavia? What'd they get you for? Octavia: Being born. Monty: That is so not game. Finn: No animals, huh? ( Snap ) All: Uh! [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ark ] Abby: Chancellor has lost a lot of blood. If only they found him sooner, damn it. Jackson: Abby, he's waking up. Abby: Increase the anesthesia. Jackson: We used way too much blood and anesthesia.. We're way over the line. Abby: Your Chancellor is going into shock. Jackson: You're asking me to break the law. Abby: Fine. I'll do it myself. Let them come after me. [SCENE_BREAK] Shumway: Excuse me, sir. You asked to be notified if there was news. The Chancellor is still in surgery, but we have I.D.ed the shooter. Bellamy Blake is the only person on The Ark unaccounted for. Kane: Who is he? Shumway: He's no one, a janitor. We're still working up a profile, but his motive for going to Earth is clear. Kane: Sister. I remember. Her mother kept her hidden for almost sixteen years, nearly a record. What is it, Commander Shumway. Spit it out. Shumway: We could start now. As Chancellor pro tempore, you can give the order to start reducing the population. Kane: Not yet. Shumway: Sir, we're wasting time. Removing the hundred from the population only buys us another month. Engineering needs more than that to fix those systems, if they can fix them at all. Kane: You have my answer, Commander. Enough. If we're gonna kill hundreds of innocent people, we're gonna do it by the book. Is that clear? In the meantime, I want to know who helped this janitor get on that drop ship because he sure as hell didn't do it by himself. Seems we have a traitor in our midst, Commander, and the hundred have an assassin in theirs. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ground ] Male: Find any water yet? Wells: No, not yet, but, I'm going back out if you want to come. ( Chuckles ) ( Sniffles ) Murphy: You know, my father, he begged for mercy in the airlock chamber when your father floated him. Wells: You spelled "die" wrong, geniuses. Bellamy: If you're gonna kill someone, it's probably best not to announce it. Murphy: You're not really a member of the guard, are you? Bellamy: No. The real guard will be here soon unless we stop it. You don't actually think they're gonna forgive your crimes. Even if they do, then what? Guys like us, we're gonna become model citizens now, get jobs, if we're lucky, maybe pick up their trash? Mbege: You got a point? Bellamy: No. I got a question. They locked you up, dumped you down here like lab rats to die. So why are you helping them? Mbege: The hell we are. Bellamy:You're wearing those bracelets, aren't you? Right now, those things are telling them whether or not it's safe to follow us down. Murphy: Okay. You said we could stop it. How? Bellamy: Take them off. The Ark will think you're dead, that it's not safe to follow. You follow? Murphy: Right, and if we do, I mean, what's in it for us? Bellamy: Someone has got to help me run things. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ark ] Callie: Hey, Ab. How's the Chancellor doing? Abby: Ask me again if he makes it through the night. Who else did we lose? Apprentice: Murphy and Mbege, both named John. Kane: Neither was injured during landing. Apprentice: I concur. Something else killed these two. One second, they were fine, and the next, bang. Abby:Then it isn't radiation. Kane: Come on, Abby. Wishful thinking isn't good science. Abby: It's not wishful thinking. One second, fine, the next, bang isn't how exposure to radiation presents. Kane: Well, it could be if there was enough of it. Abby: If there was enough of it, they would all be dead. Please let me be right. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ground ] Finn: Hey, you know what I'd like to know? Why send us down today after ninety seven years? What changed? Octavia: Who cares? I'm just glad they did. I woke up rotting in a cell, and now I'm spinning in a forest. Monty: Maybe they found something on a satellite, you know, like an old weather satellite or... Clarke: It wasn't a satellite. The Ark is dying. At the current population level, there's roughly three months left of life support, maybe four now that we're gone. Finn: So that was the secret they locked you up to keep, why they kept you in solitary, floated your old man? Clarke: My father was the engineer who discovered the flaw. He thought the people had a right to know. The Council disagreed. My mother disagreed. They were afraid it would cause a panic. We were gonna go public, anyway, when Wells... Monty: What, turned in your dad? Clarke: Anyway, the guard showed up before we could. That's why today. That's why it was worth the risk. Even if we all die, at least they bought themselves more time. Monty: They're gonna kill more people, aren't they? Octavia: Good. After what they did to me, I say, float them all. Jasper: You don't mean that. Finn: We have to warn them. Clarke: That's what my father said. Jasper: Oh, damn, I love Earth. Oh! Holy... Finn: Ha ha! Jasper: Hoo hoo hoo. Clarke: Octavia, what the hell are you doing? ( Splash ) Clarke: Octavia... Monty: I can't swim. Octavia: I know, but we can stand. Ha ha ha! Clarke: Wait. There's not supposed to be a river here. Finn: Well, there is. So take off your damn clothes. Jasper: Oh... Octavia, get out of the water. Clarke: Get out of the water now! Octavia: Aah! Clarke: Octavia! Octavia: Aah! Jasper: No. Octavia: Aah! Aah! Monty: What the hell is that? Finn: We have to help her. Clarke: What are you gonna do? Finn: Try not to get eaten. Clarke: No. Wait. If we distract it, it might let her go. Help me. Octavia: Aah! No! Uh! Monty: It worked. It let her go. Jasper: Octavia, get to the shore, now! ( OCTAVIA gasping ) Jasper: I got you. Monty: It's coming back. It's headed right for you, guys. jasper: Come on. Come on. Keep moving. Clarke: Okay. Octavia: Thank you. Thank you. Clarke: You're gonna be okay. Monty: Note to self, next time, save the girl. ( Laughter ) ( People whooping ) Female: Yeah. Go on, baby. Male: Yeah. Keep going. Fox: Ah, ah... ah! ( All whooping ) Bellamy: Who's next? Wells: What the hell are you doing? Bellamy: We're liberating ourselves. What does it look like? Wells: It looks like you're trying to get us all killed. The communication system is dead. These wristbands are all we got. Take them off, and the Ark will think we're dying, that it's not safe for them to follow. Bellamy: That's the point, Chancellor. We can take care of ourselves, can't we? Delinquents: Yeah! Wells: You think this is a game? Those aren't just our friends and our parents up there. They're our farmers, our doctors, our engineers. I don't care what he tells you. We won't survive here on our own, and besides, if it really is safe, how could you not want the rest of our people to come down? Bellamy: My people already are down. Those people locked my people up. Those people killed my mother for the crime of having a second child. Your father did that. Wells: My father didn't write the laws. Bellamy: No. He enforced them, but not anymore, not here. Here, there are no laws. Delinquents: Yeah. Yeah. Delinquents: Cool. Bellamy: Here, we do whatever the hell we want whenever the hell we want. Now, you don't have to like it, Wells. You can even try to stop it or change it, kill me. You know why? Whatever the hell we want. Murphy: Whatever the hell we want! Male: Whatever the hell we want! All: ♪ whatever the hell we want ♪ ♪ whatever the hell we want ♪ ♪ whatever the hell we want ♪ ♪ whatever the hell we want ♪ ♪ whatever the hell we want ♪ ♪ whatever the hell we want ♪ ♪ whatever the hell we want ♪ ♪ whatever the hell we want ♪ ♪ whatever the hell we want ♪ ( Thunder ) Female: Rain! Real rain! Male: Check it out! Female: It's water! Wells: We need to collect this. Bellamy: Whatever the hell you want. ( All cheering ) ( Thunder ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ark ] Jackson: Ten more, one after the next. Abby, look at plasma osmolarity. It's going up across the board. Abby: They found water. Kane: Councilor Abigail Griffin, you're under arrest for exceeding the maximum medical supplies allowed for a patient. Sorry this has to be public. The policy in these matters is very clear, no special treatment. How much blood did you use, Abby? Jackson:Don't answer that. Abby: I used whatever it took. Breaking the law to keep you from becoming Chancellor was the easiest decision I've ever made. Kane: In that case, given your confession, in my role as Chancellor pro tempore, you leave me no choice but to find you guilty. Abby: We always have a choice, Kane. You chose to press charges against my husband, your friend, even though you knew he would get floated for it. You chose to include my daughter in those charges, and now you're choosing this. Hiding behind the law absolves you of nothing. Kane: Be that as it may, in accordance with penal code one, because all crimes committed by those above the age of maturity are capital crimes, you are hereby sentenced to death. Execution is set for the morning, and I choose at every turn and at any cost to make sure that the human race stays alive. Abby: That's the difference between us, Kane. I choose to make sure that we deserve to stay alive. ( Door closes ) ( Whimpers ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ground ] ( Birds chirping ) ( Music playing ) Finn: Pretty cool, huh? Clarke: Did you go to the river? Finn: Figured it was worth losing a finger or two. Here. You call that a sip? You think this means we're all gonna grow two heads? Clarke: Ha ha! Finn: What do you know? She can laugh. Come on. You have to see this. That's a toe. Plus, near as I can tell, whatever it is, it's walking on two feet. My guess... Monkeys. Clarke: Pbbt! Ha! I'm sorry. It's just, according to everything I've read, there were no bipedal animals anywhere near here, certainly not monkeys. Finn: Right. You read anything about glow-in-the-dark forests or man-eating snakes? [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ark ] ( Door opens ) Callie: Are you out of your mind? You can't just kill everyone who disagrees with you. Kane: Now, you all think I'm a bad guy, but I'm the only one who's willing to do what it takes to save us. Callie: She's my best friend. Kane: So what do you want me to say, I'm sorry? I'm not. Friendship is a luxury we can't afford, and if I have to take us down to a cosmic Adam and Eve, I will do it. Callie: Please, show mercy, if not for Abby, then for me. Kane: We can't afford mercy, either. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ground ] Wells: Mmph... Bellamy: Shh. Shh. That's far enough. I don't want to shoot you, Wells, hell, I like you, but I do need them to think that you're dead. Wells: Why? Why are you doing this, for real, not some crap about getting to do what you want to do? Bellamy: I have my reasons. I also have the gun. So I ask the questions, and the question is, why aren't you helping me? Your dad banished you, Wells, and yet here you are, still doing his bidding, following the rules. Aren't you tired of always doing what's expected of you? Stand up to him. Take off that wristband, and you'll be amazed at how good it feels. Wells: No. Never. Not gonna happen. Is that clear enough for you? Bellamy: Yeah. It is. I'm sorry it had to be this way. Wells: No! No! Get off of me! No! Bellamy: Get him down. Put him down. Wells: No! Come on, man. Let me go. Bellamy: Get it. Do it. Wells: No! Don't do this! Don't do this! No. No! Come on, man. Aah! [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ark ] ( Door opens ) Male: Dr. Griffin, it's time. Abby: Callie. ( Sobbing ) Guard: That's enough. Abby: Watch out for Clarke for me. Callie: Okay. Abby: Jackson, use the wristbands. There may be a way to reverse-engineer them for communication. Talk to Sinclair in engineering. Nod if you understand. Jaha: Stop. Dr. Griffin is pardoned. ( to KANE ) I'll deal with you later. Open the door. Open the door. Abby: I spent twelve hours putting those intestines back together. Get him back to bed now. Jaha: Tell me about the one hundred. Did they make it? [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Ground ] ( Music playing ) Clarke: You wanted to go first. Now quit stalling. Finn: Mount Weather awaits. Jasper: Just hang on till the apogee, and you'll be fine. Finn: The apogee like the Indians, right? Jasper: Apogee, not apache. Clarke: He knows. Today, Finn. Finn: Aye, aye, captain. See you on the other side. Jasper: Wait. Finn: What? Jasper: Let me. I can do it. Finn: Knew there was a badass in there somewhere. Jasper: Heh heh. Finn: Hey, it's okay to be afraid, Jasper. The trick is not fighting it. Jasper: See you on the other side. Ha ha! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Yeah! We are apogee! Yeah! Clarke: Yeah! Finn: Yes! Whoo! Octavia: Yeah! Whoo! Clarke: You did it, Jasper! Jasper: Whoo! Yeah! Ha ha ha! Finn: Let's go, Princess. You're up. Jasper: Come on, Clarke! You got this! Whoo! Apogee! We did it! Mount Weather! Whoo! Whoo! Octavia: Yes! Monty: Whoo! Finn: Yeah, Jasper! Clarke: Jasper. Finn: Come on. Come on. Come on. Jasper! Clarke: Jasper! No. Come on. Finn: Get down. Get down. Octavia: Come on. ( Fluttering ) Clarke: We're not alone.	Plan: A: the distant future; Q: In what time period is the film set? A: 97 years; Q: How long after the nuclear apocalypse has the film been set? A: a nuclear apocalypse; Q: What disaster has devastated the surface of Earth? A: all known humans; Q: Who is a resident of The Ark? A: The Ark; Q: What is the name of the space station where all humans are living? A: Earth's surface; Q: Where are the juvenile delinquents sent to test the habitability of the planet? A: Mount Weather; Q: Where are the 100 juvenile delinquents instructed to proceed to? A: 17-year-old Clarke Griffin; Q: Who is the daughter of The Ark's chief medical officer? A: Eliza Taylor; Q: Who plays Clarke Griffin? A: The Ark's chief medical officer; Q: What is Dr. Abby Griffin's job? A: Paige Turco; Q: Who plays Abby Griffin? A: the former Mount Weather Emergency Operations Center; Q: Where did Clarke and four others search for supplies? A: hostile survivors; Q: What do the delinquents discover on the ground? A: Jasper; Q: Who is speared by hostile survivors? A: the landing site; Q: Where do the other delinquents remain? A: the leadership; Q: What role does Bellamy play in the film? A: Bob Morley; Q: Who plays Bellamy? A: their new world; Q: What do the delinquents celebrate at the landing site? A: The Ark, Chancellor Jaha; Q: Who is shot on the Ark? A: Isaiah Washington; Q: Who played Chancellor Jaha? A: Kane; Q: Who attempts to execute Abby? A: Henry Ian Cusick; Q: Who played Councilman Kane? A: a pardon; Q: What does Jaha issue to Abby? Summary: Set in an indeterminate year in the distant future, 97 years after a nuclear apocalypse has devastated the surface of Earth, all known humans are residents of merged orbiting space stations known as "The Ark". 100 juvenile delinquents are sent to Earth's surface to test its habitability, having been given vitals-monitoring wristbands and instructions to proceed directly to Mount Weather. Among them is 17-year-old Clarke Griffin ( Eliza Taylor ), the daughter of The Ark's chief medical officer, Dr. Abby Griffin ( Paige Turco ). The 100 discover a lush Earth filled with new wonders and dangers. Clarke and four others search for the former Mount Weather Emergency Operations Center , a possible site of supplies. Ultimately, they discover that there are hostile survivors on the ground when Jasper, one of their party, is speared. The other delinquents remain at the landing site and, under the leadership of Bellamy ( Bob Morley ), celebrate their new world. Back on The Ark, Chancellor Jaha ( Isaiah Washington ) has been shot, causing the merciless and unsympathetic Councilman Kane ( Henry Ian Cusick ) to take charge. After Abby uses too many supplies to save Jaha, Kane attempts to execute her but, Jaha recovers in time to issue Abby a pardon .
Ted's friends are in McClaren's. Barney: I'm not impressed by the talent here tonight. And more I drink, the less it is attractive. I'm a whiskey and Coke in the Cantina scene in Star Wars. Ted: And those girls over there? They are cannon. Barney: Absolutely not. Lily: Are you kidding? I have hated as soon as I saw them. So they are cannon. In fact, I've hated almost as much as Robin when I've ever known. Robin: You hate me? Lily: A max. Marshall: Barney, they are canon. Barney: There is so much to learn. You are only victims of...the effect cheerleaders. Good question. The effect cheerleading is when a group of women air cannon, but only in groups. As with the cheerleaders. They look like cannon, but take them individually? Cod. Ted: Anything. Barney: Look at it carefully. Individually. Marshall: I know. The last one is kinda cute. Lily: Yeah, really cute. Barney: And this, my friends, is "the effect cheerleaders." Also known as the paradox of a bridesmaid syndrome sorority, and for a brief moment in the 90s, the conspiracy of the Spice Girls.Scary Spice, indeed. (His phone rings) Barney Stinson. OK.Understood. Great, we remember. Ted: What? Barney: Apparently, I'll be a father. GENERIC Ted: You're gonna be a father? How will it happen? Barney: It's a girl I plugged in a few weeks ago. It is not certain.She sees the doctor tomorrow. Lily: That may be a false alarm. It is perhaps not pregnant. Barney: No part of Barney Stinson does not run at less than 110%. If one of my Michael Phelps escaped, he swims for gold. It's a nightmare. I want no children. How can want to have children without being mad? Barney leaves the bar. Ted (2030): When you're 30 and you're a couple, something weird happens. Flashback Lily and Marshall are sitting on the steps at the entrance of the apartment. Several strollers pass and they get excited to see them. Ted (2030): You start to see babies everywhere. Then a woman walks with a dog and a child on his stomach, followed by several puppies Marshall: Go. Ted (2030): Marshall and Lily caught baby fever. And their neighbors did not help. Marshall and Lily are their neighbors. Marshall: You have not lost a sock, little guy? This is probably the cutest little thing I've ever seen. Woman: That's my little plug! Ted (2030): That night, they had a serious discussion and hands-on children. Marshall and Lily are in their apartment, sitting on the couch. Lily: So if you have a baby, you think you can work less? Marshall: No matter, it will be so cute, I'm going to exhaust the first day. Lily: And for the money? It has a ton of debt. Marshall: We count the unpaid bills on her pretty little fingers.Let's make a baby. Lily: Now? Ted (2030): There was just one problem. Robin: Push yourself. I recorded The View. This problem and was unemployed and sleeping on the couch. Marshall: So, Robin, when you're in for the job and apartment? Robin: Are not you aware? I am a presenter on CNN. And I have made gold a terrace overlooking Central Park. Get out of your ass's head, Marshall. Ted (2030): They realized that if they wanted to start a family, they had the plan. End flashback Lily: Robin, would you mind not sleeping with Ted tomorrow night? I... prepares a special dinner for Marshall. Marshall: Just a dinner. That's it. Nothing else. Robin: Okay, but you better not be as they stuck together when I cans on the roof. "My ears. The neighbors called the cops.You almost hit me. " Marshall: Enjoy it. It is a good time. Barney is in a church, and pray. Barney: God? It's me, Barney. Are you okay? I know we will not speak often, a bunch of girls said your name on my account. Great. But, God... If you could get out of there, I swear I'll never, never... never, never, never... (His phone rings and people have turned to him) Wait, man. Barney to the device.Really? He leaves the church happy and dancing. It happens in Marshall's office. Barney: Good news! I'm not a father! Marshall: Congratulations, buddy. Barney: This is the best time of my life, Marshall. What I feel in having no children? I have never thought something like it as much. That's why I created a public holiday. Now, today is "Day of Non-fathers." Marshall: You create a holiday? Barney: Why not? Everyone has one: mothers, fathers, soldiers. Why not a day for singles who like it? Marshall: It looks like a big day of Valentine's Day. Man: Hello, Stinson. Barney: Hi. How are the children? Man: Ready for tonight, Eriksen? Big merger. Marshall: That's between me and my wife, sir. Man: The meeting with Mr. Li Tonight. Marshall: I thought it was a lunch. Man: Yes, in China. This is a teleconference with the Chinese.I count on you. Lily is making dinner when the phone rings. Lily: Marshall? Marshall: Baby. It's lunchtime in China. Lily: Yeah. Marshall: It's not a euphemism. Listen... Wait, what does that mean? Lily: I know, hot bread, spicy pork? Stuff like that. You come not tonight, right? You shake your head for "no"? That's what I thought. Ted and Robin arrive at the apartment Marshall and Lily. Lily: Thank you for coming so quickly. Robin: Are you okay? You looked upset on the phone. Lily: Marshall and I, we took the decision to have a great...dinner. And I thought I was ready for a... dinner. But he called to cancel, and it got me thinking. Is it too early for us to make a... Dinner? Ted: I had lunch early, so I can eat. Lily: Dinner, it's a baby! Robin: Lily, it's horrible! Lily: No, I need you to clarify a situation for me. Robin: What? Lily: Are we ready, Marshall and me to have a baby? So, are we ready to have a baby or not? Ted: We can not decide for you. It's huge. Robin: You know what is huge? Marshall's head. It is as big as a watermelon in late August. Marshall's baby who is passing by? Ted: He thinks what? Robin: A lot of things in the helmet of the space of 50 years who serves as its head. Lily: Marshall is really excited. But I think he sees only the good sides of it. Flashback Lily and Marshall are with their neighbor. Lily: The other day while playing with the little Jeremy, I was talking with his mother. Woman: Thank you for the invitation. It's been a while since I have not told an adult. Well, except my husband. But "For you to change" and "Make him be silent," it's not really count as conversation. Sorry, I ramble. It's been 7 months that I have not kissed. That's it, I start! Lack of sleep! Wait, I cry there, though?It happens to me often. I will not complain. Here, I feel bad!That's my little plug! I love you so much! End flashback Lily: I will be as carbon copy Charlotte. Worse. At least, her husband works at home. Well, he deale of sh1t, but it is a caring father. Ted: Marshall is a very good father. Lily: Marshall is always at work, and I'm afraid to hit all the work if we have one now. Ted: You panic and you see only bad side. Robin: I think it's just realistic. Lily: Well, that's perfect. That's why I called you. Ted, you're for children. Robin, you're against. Councillors, please proceed. Ted: OK, I know you're afraid of not being ready. But we think ever be. You just take the plunge and it will come naturally. Robin: Of course for you, it is natural, you're practically already a father. Lily: You're a father too. Ted: What are you talking? Flashback At the bar... Robin: Ted, thoughtful. You go out jokes father of super lame. Ted: A cereal killer! A cereal killer! At the apartment... Robin: You make us moral. Like when you broke your ship in a bottle. Ted: I'm not sorry. I'm just disappointed. Barney: That's it! Robin: Shut up! At the restaurant... Robin: And you do that thing that all fathers are with the waitresses. Waitress: My name is Lori. I'll be your waitress tonight. Ted: Hello, Lori, me, this is Ted. I will be your customer tonight.Before leaving, tell me. What is a killer in a wheat field? No index. End flashback Lily: She's right. Perhaps you're single and childless, but you're really a redneck dad. Ted: I do not appreciate that tone, young lady. [SCENE_BREAK] Barney and Marshall are in the conference room. Barney: The No-Fathers Day is a success! Laraby Finklestein and help me celebrate. Matt. Mugs "Best Non-Father of the world." There... T-shirts "Who is your daddy? "Available on fetedesnonperes.com. Looking greeting cards. Marshall: "For everything you do for your pear, for all the tape on your desk, on the road darkens your Porsche Carrera, I wish you... a night of threesome. Happy Birthday Non-Fathers. " Barney: Look at the illustration. Marshall: It looks like an Asian hooker. Barney: Because at the Non-Fathers Day, you have a Thai girl you a blowjob. Tope, puns! Back to Lily and Marshall... Lily: It puts you in the mash, then. Your only hope is to be negative. Ted: I'll tell you why my opponent says it all. Three words: fear of... babies. Robin: What? You're crazy. This is false. Ted: Really? Flashback Ted: And when we saw my cousin and her baby? She's so cute! Cousin: You want to wear it? Robin takes the baby and passes it directly to Ted. Ted: Where the party that Lily had done for her friend Erika?You do feel for this baby? Robin: I do not want to bite. Ted: And do not forget... They are watching TV and she starts crying and runs into Ted's room. Marshall: Pub with baby talk? Ted: Pub with baby talk. End flashback Ted: But you're not like that. You like children too. Lily: Yes, I'm lovely, beautiful and brilliant, but it's enough? Robin: It comes down to one word: "you". Are you ready to put your dreams in the background? Back in college, taught art at the university? You have to concentrate on the project before starting Lily Baby Project. Otherwise, you'll regret it forever.And it would be good neither for you nor for the baby. What is it? Lily: The sock Jeremy. I will make a baby. Robin: Well, and everything I said? Lily: But sock. Robin: And Marshall who works all the time? Lily: But sock. Robin: But but Lily Project! Lily: With small fish. Robin: We had this debate, and this is the sock that makes you make the decision? Ted: I think you're taking a "chausettogari", eh, Robin? Robin: Shut up, Dad. Ted: You, shut up, baby-phobic. Robin: Babies are scary, OK? With their giant eyes. And seriously, the fontanelle? If there is a self-destruct button, at least, hide it where it will not accidentally press. Ted: Where is Lily? You have to drink? Robin: Not a drop. Ted: I do not either. Marshall at work... Men: Meeting in 5 minutes. You better be on top for Mr. Li This haunts my nightmares. Finally, have fun well, small. Marshall enters his office and Lily is lying on it. Lily: Put a baby in me, Marshall. I'm ready. Marshall: What are you doing here? Lily: I'm ready. This is the big night. Removing your seed melon-headed in my belly. Marshall: What? Lily: Come on, come on. Make me a baby. I'm ready. Hey, look. The types of the other building make me cuckoo. Hello, gentlemen! We will make a baby! Robin and Ted are in a taxi. Ted: I dream, it has been lost. Robin: That's why I have no children. We can not even taking his eyes for a second. Marshall: I can not find my file. Lily: I'm all out of "A" to "G". Robin: They sit there with their stupid bottles. They cry. They vomit. That's why babies, it sucks. Ted: That's good that we have broken. I had totally forgotten your psychosis on the kids. Robin: My psychosis? Whenever you hear the word "kid", you have two small Milk tasks on your shirt. Ted: God thank you, you're not my mother. You're an ice queen. All you have breastfed baby by a frozen brain. They arrive at the bar. Robin: Do not depict me as a monster for wanting to remain independent. In there is a lot of people who do not want it. Barney: My brother, lay your hand on the box tops and repeat after me. Me, the false name you give to women. Man: I, Johnny Banana. Barney: Swear to always choose the wet t-shirts to wet diapers. Man: Swear to always... Ted: You're in good company there. Robin: I'll see if the toilet. I also want to bring you back buffer. Ted: Okay. When you have finished, you could ask a magician to heart. Robin: You know what? I should find another place to sleep. Ted: No argument. Robin: Well. Ted: Super. Barney: Welcome to our fraternity of non-paternity. In is one of ours. Marshall made his speech. Marshall: Gentlemen, Mr. Li, if you will go to page 5 of your file merge. I think... Lily goes on a chair, a fire extinguisher in his hands. Man: What has he, Eriksen? Marshall: Nothing. I think you are... very beautiful today. Man: What are you looking? Marshall: I look at the future... of our two companies and it seems very... naked. Will you excuse me one second? Mr. Li: No one saw the girl drunk? At the bar... Barney: Guys, you did not... This is a picture of me without children. And with macaroni glued to the frame. Guys, I love it. Robin: Lily is not there. Ted: Your cell phone rang. I answered. Hope it bother you. Lily is at Marshall. She is fine. Robin: thank you God. What? Ted: When storing your mobile, I found something in your bag. Robin: I have a permit for that. And the other thing is a gift. Ted: You've stolen the Ca sock Jeremy. Robin: No. I do not know what she's doing there. It must have fallen into it. Bizarre! Ted: "Falling in? " Robin: Or Lily put it there for fun. That bitch is stuffed. I took it.It's just... so cute. Sock. Ted: Robin Scherbatsky, you get the idea of having children? Robin: I know. One day, perhaps. When I'm 70. Science will catch me. I'm just... I'm lost right now. I'm unemployed, I live on a couch. Ted: There were two difficult months both. I have a room free.Why not come to me in the meantime? Robin: Really? Ted: Yeah. Robin: Thank you, Ted. I have some ideas, so it will be one week, two large max. Ted (2030): And this is how your aunt Robin moved in with me. Lily Marshall back in his office. Lily: I'm bored. Come and dance. Come fly a liquor store! Marshall: We're going nowhere. Each time we go out when you're drunk, you always fall asleep when you enter the... Lily and Marshall get on a taxi. Lily: Let's dance! We gonna party all night! Lily sleeps. Marshall: Can you make several turns to make sure she is asleep? Driver: Sure. At the bar, Barney joined Ted and Robin to the table. Barney: The last great idea for Fathers Day-No, a pregnancy test, but instead of a blue line, there is a small blue Barney who does that. Ted: Day of Non-Fathers, it sucks. It's a feast for the losers. Barney: What are you talking? This is a good group of friends. Ted: This is the effect cheerleaders. Barney: No, Ted. It works for girls. Robin: Look at these guys, individually. These geniuses are not childless by choice, my friend. Ted: Good night, Barney. Robin: Good night. Ted and Robin out of the bar, leaving Barney alone. Barney: Sock. Marshall joined Lily in the kitchen. Marshall: I smell pancakes with chocolate? Lily: No, you feel "pancake, I'm sorry for being such a stupid drunk" chocolate. Marshall: There's no "I wish not to throw up on you" bacon? Lily: Of course. Marshall: Baby... Lily: I blame myself for last night. I was really painful. I just panicked at the thought of whether we are ready to parent. But you are so well taken care of me. I know you're gonna be a good father. Marshall: I want to be a father now. Lily: What? Marshall: Last night, it was just... I share between work and drunk baby Lily, it was too. I just begin with this job, I work long hours... I love you. And I really want to have children one day.I just want... I want to be ready for that. Lily: Me too. When we're ready, I know you'll be fantastic. Marshall: You too. Lily: You wanna make love, by protecting themselves now? Marshall: Yes. Lily: You want to finish your bacon first? Marshall: You're the perfect woman. Barney sings karaoke. Barney: "And the cat is in the cradle and the silver spoon Little Boy Blue and the Man on the Moon. When are you going back home, Dad? I do not know when we're together then, son I know we will have a good time. "	Plan: A: different views; Q: What do Lily and Marshall receive on whether they should have a baby? A: Robin; Q: Who do Ted and Marshall turn to for advice when Lily asks about having a baby? A: Barney; Q: Who creates a holiday for single men? Summary: Lily and Marshall receive different views on whether they should have a baby. When Lily asks, Ted and Marshall turn to Robin for advice. Barney creates his own holiday for single men.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Monica are returning from their honeymoon.] Chandler: Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know I love you. I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I can't wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together. Monica: You're really sticking with the shell necklace huh? (Points to necklace of shells he's wearing.) (Joey and Phoebe burst forth from his apartment.) Phoebe: Hi! Joey: Hey! You're back! (Hugs and kisses all around.) Monica: Hi sweetie! Phoebe: Come on in! (They grab the luggage and drag it into Joey and Rachel's forcing Monica and Chandler to follow.) Phoebe: So how was the honeymoon? Monica: Oh, so much fun. But the best part is, we met this incredible couple on the way back. Phoebe: That was the best part? (To Chandler) Good honeymooning tiger. Monica: No, they were really cool. They were on their honeymoon too! Chandler: They're terrific, and they live right here in the city. Monica: Yeah, can we go call them? Is it too soon to call? I wanna call. Chandler: I'm sorry, we're just kinda excited because we finally have a couple to hang out with. Monica: I know. Joey: A couple? Like two people? Like (points to himself) one (points to Phoebe), two people? Monica: This is different! Greg and Jenny are in a relationship. Phoebe: Oh, Greg and Jenny yuck! (Angrily) Hi Greg, I'm Chandler this is Monica. Hi Monica, this is Jenny. Hi Jenny. Hi Greg. Chandler: Listen, they are really great. If you just got a chance... Joey: Y'know what? Why don't you just give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here? Chandler: We really...didn't get a chance to... Phoebe: You have got to be kidding me! Monica: We didn't get anything for anyone. Joey: Hm-mm! Yeah nice necklace! Monica: That you can have. Opening Credits {Transcriber's Note: Tradition was broken here as there were no commercials immediately after the opening credits, just more show.} [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Rachel are entering with the rest of the gang already inside.] Rachel: Hi! All: Hey! Ross: Hello! Rachel: Welcome home. Ross: So, how was the honeymoon? Monica: It was great! It was great! How about you?! I mean you're having a baby! Rachel: Oh! Look! I have a sonogram picture! Monica: Oh great! (Shows them the picture.) Chandler: Ross! It's got your wavy black lines! Monica: All right, so now that Ross knows can you tell us y'know how it happened? I mean, when did it happen? How many times did it happen? Phoebe: Monica! That's not right! Start with where. (Rachel looks at Ross and gets his approval.) Rachel: Well it happened about six weeks ago, and uh I had just got home from work and Ross was already there 'cause I guess he had been hanging out with Joey. Joey: You're welcome buddy. Ross: (glaring at him) Yeah, thanks. (Joey nods no problem.) Rachel: And so I had a lot of work to do so Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Ross comes on to me. Ross: (laughs) Umm that's...that's a little misleading. Rachel: What is? Ross: The lie you just told. Rachel: That-that you came on to me? Ross: There's the one! Rachel: But you did! I mean, let's be honest. Ross: Yes let's. Y'know what? Uh, it's-it's not important. What is important is that, is that we're having a baby. And it's not-Doesn't matter who came on to who. Joey: Whom. (Everyone looks at him shocked.) That's right. Rachel: You know you kissed me first. Ross: What? What?! You were begging me to kiss you! You-you-you were sending me signals all over the place! Rachel: I was sending you signals? Ross: Yeah! Rachel: Oh please. Okay, anyone in this room think that I would send Ross begging symbols, please show of hands. (Ross raises his hand and no one else.) Ross: Y'know what?! It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter what you believe! What matters is what happened! Rachel: Okay. So these signals Ross, explain this to me, 'cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now? Ross: Y'know what? Y'know what? Rachel, just-just drop it. Rachel: No please, show me how I begged you! Ross: I can show you, I have it on videotape! (Stunned silence) It's an expression. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time has lapsed, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table.] Phoebe: I can't believe he taped the two of them having sx! Joey: Yeah! You gotta tell a girl before you tape her. Such a rookie mistake. Chandler: Y'know who has a great video camera? Phoebe: (nasally) Greg and Jenny? Monica: Do you still wanna call 'em? I wanna call 'em. Chandler: Let's call 'em. Joey: Yeah! Ask them if they brought their friends any souvenirs! (Monica goes over and dials their number.) Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Eighth street deli? Joey: Hey, hang up! You get food poisoning just talkin' to that place. Monica: (on phone) Uh sorry, wrong number. (Hangs up) Chandler: Here you go. (Shows her the number again.) Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) (To All) It's the deli again! Joey: All right! I'll have a sandwich! Monica: (hangs up) I don't think this number's right! (Joey and Phoebe laugh.) Chandler: What? Phoebe: You got fake numbered. Monica: What?! People don't do that! Joey: Oh I think we do. Monica: They gave us a fake number? Why? Why would they do that? Chandler: I don't know! You were a delight to talk to. You asked all those insightful, great questions. Monica: And you've never been funnier. Joke, joke, joke, you were a hoot! Joey: Y'know what? Don't worry about it, you still got me and Phoebe. Phoebe: Excuse me, I don't want Greg and Jenny's rejects. Ross: (entering) Rachel won't talk to me! She won't even open the door! Phoebe: Hmm, I wonder why. Pervert! Ross: Okay, listen I am not a pervert! Phoebe: That's like the pervert motto! Yeah! Yeah! They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand down your pants, and repeat that! Ross: Filming Rachel is not something I planned. Okay look, here's what happened, and Joey you-you can back me up on this. All right, about-about a month and a half ago I came to you with a problem? Umm, a personal thing. Joey: Personal thing? What personal thing? I don't know. Ross: About...about sx? (Joey looks at him confused) That I hadn't had sx in months? Joey: (laughs) Yeah I knew what you were talkin' about. Six Weeks Earlier [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading a cereal box as Ross enters wearing the red sweater.] Ross: Hey! Joey: Hey. Ross: Do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you about something I'm, I'm really uncomfortable talking about. Joey: Sure. What? About uh, you showering with your mom? Ross: I actually had a topic in mind! I'm, I'm kinda going through a dry spell, sx wise. Joey: Whoa, for like months? Ross: Five to be lying, six. Joey: Six months? Whoa that's rough. Ross: Well, I mean it's not all bad. I'm learning to appreciate the uh, smaller things in life. Like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky. Joey: The sky's blue Ross and I had sx yesterday! Ross: Please, help me! I have a date tonight. It has to go well okay-I'm scared for my health! Joey: Okay. Okay. Umm...Ooh! Oh-oh, I got something. It's this story I came up with, very romantic. I swear any woman that hears it; they're like putty. Ross: Really? Well then tell it to me. Joey: Okay. Now you're gonna want to have sx with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story. Ross: (sarcastic) I'll try to control myself. Joey: Okay. (Clears throat) Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe... Ross: (laughs) You were backpacking across Western Europe? Joey: Have a nice six more months Ross! (Starts to leave.) Ross: (stopping him) Okay! Okay! Okay. I'm sorry. Please, please, you were in Western Europe and? Joey: I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing and there was a lake, very secluded. And there were tall trees all around. (Whispering) It was dead silent. Gorgeous. (Softly) And across the lake I saw...a beautiful woman...bathing herself...but she was crying... Ross: (intently listening) Why? [Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross is on his date with Kristen and they're drinking wine.] Kristen: Umm, this is great wine. Ross: It's from France...In Europe...Western Europe. Y'know umm, a few years ago I actually was backpacking across Western Europe. Kristen: Really? Ross: Uh-hmm-Wait! It gets better. Um, yeah I was in Barcelona. Kristen: I studied for a year in Barcelona. (Ross is stunned and worried.) Ross: Anyway, umm so I was um, I was hiking... Kristen: I love hiking! Ross: (whines) Oh that's great! I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo... Kristen: I think its Tibidabo. Ross: Okay! Do you wanna tell the story?! [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Ross enters.] Joey: Whoa! What are you doing here? How did your date go? Ross: Great! I'm across the street having sx with her right now. Your story sucks! Joey: Hey! Look, if it didn't work it's because you didn't tell it right! Show me how you did it. Ross: No! No, I don't...don't want to. Joey: How long since you've seen a girl naked? Ross: I was backpacking across Western Europe. Joey: I'm not feeling it. Ross: I was just outside Barcelona, hiking... Joey: No! No! No Ross! I'm not hot! Are you hot? Ross: It's been six months! I'm always hot! Joey: Well you're not selling the story! It's like; it's like you don't believe it! Look, I gotta go. I got a date, but try this. Do what I do when I'm preparing for an audition. Okay? I'll set you up with my video camera and you can record yourself and-and see what you're doing wrong. Ross: I'll try that. Joey: All right now... All right, you're all set up. You're good to go. Just hit record. All right? Ross: Thanks. Joey: Good luck. Ross: Thanks. And-and hey Joe? Joey: Yeah? Ross: Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know I'll help you out. Joey: (trying not to laugh) That means a lot to me man. (Exits.) (Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.) Ross: Hello! Can I get you anything? Huh? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? (Rachel bursts in carrying two boxes and Ross jumps up.) Rachel! Rachel: Oh Ross! Ross: Hi! Rachel: Thank God you're here! You have to help me! Were you just talking to yourself? Ross: That's less embarrassing, yes. Yes I was. (They sit down on the couch, which is in front of the still recording camera.) Ross: (voiceover) So when she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera. [Cut back to the present day.] It kept rolling and recorded everything. (Pause) Chandler: Yeah, we're gonna need to see that tape. (They rest of them agree.) Monica: Yeah, definitely. Ross: What a great idea! That will get Rachel to forgive me! Joey: Y'know what? This is not fair to her. Let's just forget the tape! Ross: Thank you. (Joey mouths to Ross, "You'll show me right?") No! Joey: You're right. (Mouths, "I know you'll show me, right?) Ross: Joey! No! Joey: Loud and clear! (Mouths, "You'll show me," and nods.) (Ross storms out.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are now sitting in the living room.] Monica: I still don't get why Greg and Jenny would give us a fake number. Joey: Y'know, if they knew what they were doing they probably didn't give you real names either. Monica: Okay, maybe people give out fake numbers, but they don't give out fake names. Joey: Oh yeah? (To Phoebe) Hi, Ken Adams, nice to meet you. Phoebe: Regina Philange. (Ken and Regina shake hands.) Chandler: I still don't get it, we didn't do anything wrong. Monica: I know! Although, you did tell an awful lot of jokes. Chandler: I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke! Joke! Joke! Monica: (rolling her head from side to side) Joke. Joke. Blah! Blah! (Joey and Phoebe laugh.) Chandler: Well maybe it was all of your questions. Monica: What about my questions? Chandler: The sheer volume, it was like flying with the Riddler! Monica: Oh, I'm sorry. Was that another joke? Chandler: (angrily) Was that another question? Rachel: (entering) Hey! Is Ross still here? Joey: Uh no Rach, he's gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake. Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sx with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the p0rn king of the west village. Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didn't even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.) Rachel: Thank you. (She sets it on the floor and is about to stomp on it with her shoe when the rest of the gang jumps up and yells simultaneously.) What? (They all yell again.) You don't want to see this do you? Monica: Hell yeah!!! Rachel: I am not gonna show you this! Phoebe: No! Not the sx part, just the stuff leading up to it. Ross: Forget it, she's destroying it. Phoebe: Okay fine! Fine! We'll just have to think of some other way to put the whole 'Who came onto who,' thing to rest! Come on now, think!! Ross: Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? It's Rachel's tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story. Rachel: I wanna see it. Ross: What?! Rachel: Clearly you don't want people to see this tape. Now I don't want people to see this tape either, but you so badly don't people to see it makes me want to see it. You see? Joey: (confused) Are we watchin' the tape or not?! Ross: I don't want people to see it for your sake. Rachel: Ahh, I don't believe you. I think you don't want them to see you begging me. (Goes to put the tape in the VCR) Ross: Rachel, please... Rachel: Ah, a little preview! Ross: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes I'm gonna be saying...(He laughs and points at Rachel sarcastically.) (They both sit down.) Rachel: Okay, here we go. (Pushes play.) Ross: (on tape) Hello! Can I get you anything? Joey: (To Phoebe) I'm so happy! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the scene is continued from earlier.] Rachel: (on tape) Oh, thank God you're here! You have to help me! Were you just talking to yourself? Rachel: There I am. Phoebe: You're gonna get pregnant. Rachel: (on tape) I screwed up so bad, I told Monica that I would stuff and send all these wedding invitations like weeks ago and I-I... Ross: (on tape) You didn't do it? Rachel: (on tape) I-I know-I had put them in...in-in my desk at work and I completely forgot about them until today. (Chandler is shocked and Rachel gets scared of Monica very quickly.) Monica: (taking Rachel's hand) Sweetie okay. It's okay. Everybody made it to the wedding. I'm fine. Rachel: Kinda hurtin' my hand though. Monica: I know. Rachel: (on tape) (Ross hands her a glass of wine) I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! (Mimicking Monica) "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" (She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations) Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh...oh-oh-oh... (Rachel hits fast forward. Monica is completely shocked.) Chandler: Did you do it on our invitations?! Ross: (pause) Not on the ones we sent out. Chandler: So, just the ones gave back to us and we had framed! (Slams the framed invitation down onto the table.) (Rachel stops fast forwarding.) Rachel: (on tape) Can you believe this is already happening? I mean it seems like yesterday they just got engaged. Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember...remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost... Rachel: (on tape) Oh, I remember how we almost. Do you think we would've gone through with it? Y'know, if we hadn't gotten caught. Do you think we would've done it? Ross: (on tape) I mean I...I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasn't sure if you wanted to. Rachel: (on tape) Oh I wanted to. (Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.) Ross: (on tape) So we...we both wanted to. Rachel: (on tape) Interesting. Ross: (on tape) Yeah. (Pause) Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best. Rachel: (on tape) Oh yeah, sure. Rachel: Okay, in about ten seconds you're gonna see him kiss me. Ross: And in about five seconds you're gonna see why. Rachel: (on tape) Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe? (Joey's shocked and everyone else looks at Rachel.) Rachel: Okay, get ready to see some beggin'! Phoebe: Oh, you came on to Ross! Rachel: What?! Ross: Now I'm so happy. Rachel: What are you talking about?! Monica: You used the Europe story! Chandler: That's the magic story you use when you wanna have sx! Rachel: How do you know about that story?! Joey: How do you know about that story?! Rachel: I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy! Joey: (raises his hand) Some guy!! (Points to himself.) Rachel: No. No, she told me his name was Ken Adams. Joey: (raises his hand and points to himself again) Ken Adams!! [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is looking at the tape sitting on the counter as Ross enters.] Ross: Hi. Rachel: So uh, apparently people are familiar with the Europe story? Ross: Yeah. Listen about that, the whole uh, who came on to who thing really doesn't matter. I mean, I think it would've happened either way. I mean if you hadn't initiated it I-I-I know I would've. Rachel: It was an amazing night. Ross: It was. It was an amazing night. (Pause) Rachel: You think it looked amazing? Ross: I uh... I don't know. I mean I...I honestly didn't watch it. Rachel: Yeah, me neither. Yet... Ross: Uhhhhhh...that-that may be weird. Rachel: Yeah, it would be really weird. (Ross grabs the tape and heads for the VCR as Rachel goes over and puts the chain on the door and locks it.) Ross: Good luck. Rachel: Good luck to you. (Ross pushes play.) Ross: Mind if I mute? Rachel: Oh please. (He does so.) Ross: Oh, oh there go the clothes. Rachel: You are undressing very quickly. Ross: Six months Rachel, six months. Ross and Rachel: Ah. (Pause) Oh. Ross: Hey. We-we look...we look pretty good. Rachel: That's what I was gonna say. Ross: Oh nice tan! Rachel: Thank you! I had just gone to the beach that weekend. Ross: Ah.... Rachel: Have you been working out? Ross: I have been working out. Rachel: Really? Wow, this is so much better than I... Ross and Rachel: Ohh! Ew! Ross: Oh that's not pretty. Rachel: Oh! Oh! Ross: No! Rachel: Oh God! Ross: Oh no! Rachel: Oh, make it stop! Ross: Oh no!! Rachel: Make it stop!! Ross: No!! Rachel: Have to make it stop!! Ross: No!!! (They both get out of the chair and run for the VCR.) Closing Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler have gone through the phone book and found Greg and Jenny's number which Monica has just dialed.] Monica: (on phone) Hello Greg? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica from the plane? Listen, the number that you gave me 853-5... (Listens) (To Chandler) That is their old number! Jenny's been giving it out since they moved! Chandler: Jenny! That is so Jenny! Monica: (on phone) Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday? (Listens) Okay, how about Sunday? (Listens) Okay umm, the week after that? (Listens) The week after that? (Listens) Y'know what Greg? Y'know what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny can't see that then... (Listens) January 15th? (Chandler dances.) We'll see you then! (Listens) Okay! (She hangs up the phone and they hug.)	Plan: A: Ross; Q: Who claims that Rachel was the one who started the affair that led to Rachel's pregnancy? A: positive Ross; Q: Who is everyone sure was the instigator of the sexual encounter that led to Rachel's pregnancy? A: their encounter; Q: What did Ross accidentally videotape? A: the tape; Q: What did everyone watch to prove that Rachel was the one who initiated the sexual encounter? A: Joey; Q: Who did Rachel use to get Ross to have sex with her? A: western Europe; Q: Where did Joey say he was backpacking in? A: another newlywed couple; Q: Who did Monica and Chandler meet on their honeymoon? A: a fake phone number; Q: What did Monica and Chandler discover the newlywed couple blew them off with? Summary: Ross and Rachel argue over who initiated their sexual encounter that led to Rachel's pregnancy. Everyone is positive Ross was the instigator, but Ross claims it was Rachel. To prove it, he reveals how he accidentally videotaped their encounter; while he was videotaping himself practicing giving a speech, Rachel arrived. Everyone watches the tape that shows Rachel used Joey's contrived "Backpacking in western Europe that leads to having sex" story as a come-on to Ross. Monica and Chandler look forward to socializing with another newlywed couple they met on their honeymoon, only to discover the couple has blown them off with a fake phone number.
(Open: Medico Legal Lab. Two Jeffersonian workers are wheeling in a body, followed by Booth, Brennan, Andrew Hacker and Catherine Bryar, a marine biologist) DR. CATHERINE BRYAR: On Tuesday morning, a dead Tiger Shark washed up on Rehoboth Beach. Its stomach contained the undigested remains of a human leg. BOOTH: Ouch! BRENNAN: Wha-what's wrong? BOOTH: It's gotta hurt. CATHERINE: A seasoned law enforcement agent who still has empathy for a victim. I'm glad to know you're out there. BOOTH: At your service. HACKER: Dr. Bryar, who is from the National Atmos-Ocean Admiral Association, called us this morning. CATHERINE: The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. BRENNAN: Andrew was joking; he likes to put people at ease. It's a nice quality. (Andrew and Brennan share a smile) BOOTH: Well, everybody likes to laugh. (off the leg) Except that guy. CATHERINE: Well, the weird thing is - nobody reported a shark attack anywhere along the eastern seaboard. HACKER: (to Brennan) Do you think you can make an identification from the leg? (to Bryar) I've seen Temperance ID a victim from a single finger nail clipping. BRENNAN: What? I've never done that. BOOTH: Well, maybe not that, but ya know, things like that. (to Catherine) She's my partner. I'm sure we could help you out. CATHERINE: I'd be greatful. BOOTH: Yeah. Sweet. (Booth and Catherine have a moment as Hacker and Brennan look on.) BOOTH: Yeah, I should go and clear out and I'll let you do your thing. (He nearly trips over a table on his way off the platform as he leaves. He looks back, once more, at Cathrine before he heads out the door.) HACKER: Well, that was a speedy exit. (to Brennan and Bryar) Shall we? (Short time lapse) BRENNAN: The victim is likely male. These shallow cuts and deep gouges, in conjunction with location of recovery, are likely indications of C.O.D. We need to count osteons to determine age, but the length of the tibia indicates a height of between 5' and 5'6" HACKER: A short guy got bit by a shark. (Catherine nods at Andrew, in agreement, while Brennan continues on.) BRENNAN: Now, these look like a six ridge dermal denticles CATHERINE: That can't be. A tiger shark doesn't have dermal denticles. BRENNAN: Then the victim encountered multiple predators at the same time. CATHERINE: That is highly unlikely. BRENNAN: (pointing to the bone) Well, this simple, symmetrical break- CATHERINE: That's a tiger shark. BRENNAN: (pointing to a different cut) This is different. Some kind of small, conical canine- CATHERINE: That's red snapper. BRENNAN: Then, this serrated bite- CATHERINE: Oh, my god. A hammerhead. HACKER: What? This sounds good. CATHERINE: Hammerheads are tropical. It's unlikely you'd find one this far north. BRENNAN: Where is the nearest place a tiger shark, a hammerhead and a red snapper could co-exist. HACKER: How about the aquarium? Hey, you don't get to be Deputy Director of the FBI by just dressing well and kissing ass. Okay, yeah. That's most of it, but I'm probably right about the aquarium. (Cut to: Aquarium of the Atlantic. Booth and Brennan are meeting with Marilyn Stoddard) BRENNAN: According to NOAA, this facility focuses on marine rescue and preservation. A rehabilitated tiger shark was permanently released into the ocean this Saturday. BOOTH: Jaws grabbed a quick snack before heading back out into the wild? Shark attacks are very rare. I mean, look. Sharks - they don't even like to eat people. BRENNAN: (surprised) That's true. How do you know that? BOOTH: Shark Week. You know, where they do nothing but make you afraid of sharks. BRENNAN: Wait. They have a week set aside just for sharks? BOOTH: Yeah. It's a TV thing. (A big shark swims by, in the tank) MARILYN STODDARD: Agent Booth? BOOTH: Yes. Uh, Dr. Stoddard. MARILYN: Marilyn. I work in the Animal Husbandry Department. BRENNAN: I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian. Was someone eaten here this weekend? MARILYN: No. BOOTH: The tiger shark that you released this past Saturday, can you show us where you kept him? MARILYN: Yeah. Come-come right this way (She turns to lead them through the crowd of visitors in the lobby; she heads for the tank that's in front of them.) BOOTH: (to Brennan) Since when do fish have husbands? BRENNAN: Animal husbandry is the science of breeding livestock. BOOTH: Since when are fish livestock? BRENNAN: Well, the term can be applied loosely. MARILYN: This is the Tropical Reef Tank, where the tiger shark was kept prior to release. Originally, he required isolation but once he recovered, we placed him in here to see how he would interact with the others. BRENNAN: Recovered from what? MARILYN: His fin was very nearly severed, probably from a drag net. BOOTH: How did he get on with the other fish? MARILYN: Just fine, as far as I can tell. BRENNAN: You also have a hammerhead? MARILYN: Ah, yes. Hiding somewhere. Uh, The tank is over six-hundred thousand gallons. You can only see a portion from this side. BOOTH: It's like an ocean itself. MARILYN: It is, um, but I'm pretty sure we would see evidence if a human being had been eaten in there. BOOTH: Anyone missing? MARILYN: Employees, you mean? Or guests? No. BRENNAN: How about missing a leg? MARILYN: No. I think we would notice something like that. BOOTH: Anything unusual? MARILYN: The facilities department lost an expensive filter, there was a slight spike in the ammonia level but nothing out of the ordinary here, certinly nothing close to a fatal accident. (Behind her, we see a giant grouper opens its mouth and part of a human skull falls out. It sinks to the ground.) BOOTH: Okay, now who's gonna go in there to get that? (Cut to: Aquarium of the Atlantic. Upstairs area above the tank. Brennan and Hodgins are suited up in scuba gear.) BOOTH: Okay, you know what? You don't have to go in, Bones. BRENNAN: Yes, I do. We need to recover what's left of the victim to have any hope of identification. BOOTH: Time out, okay. Have Hodgins do it. HODGINS: I look like Richard Dreyfus, don't I? "We're gonna need a bigger boat!" BRENNAN: No - we don't need a boat. Wh-why are you wearing that hat? BOOTH: Keep his brain warm, okay. Make Hodgins go in there and do it. BRENNAN: There is nothing to be afraid of, Booth. HODGINS: Yeah, you know, sharks - they don't eat people. BOOTH: Really? Tell that to the guy who got, ya know, coughed up by a grouper, okay. (Ben Marcus approaches them) BEN MARCUS: okay, who's going in? (Hodgins, then Brennan raise their hands) You guys know what you're doing, right? It isn't a swim in a fish tank. BRENNAN: Isn't that exactly what it is? HODGINS: Yeah, a really big, cool one. BOOTH: No, no. It's the recovery of a body in an investigation of a potential homicide. Alright? Any questions, you ask me. Understand? Keep your eyes on me. BEN: Gotcha. (Marilyn comes over with a walkie talkie for Booth.) MARILYN: Ready? BRENNAN: Yes, I am. MARILYN: Okay, Ben here will escort you to the tank. Agent Booth, follow me. You'll be able to communicate with Dr. Brennan on our intercom system. BOOTH: I thank you. MARILYN: (to Brennan) And good luck to you. (Cut to: Aquarium of the Atlantic. Booth is outside the tank, watching as Hodgins and Brennan are in scuba gear, search the Tropical Reef Tank for additional remains. ) BOOTH: (into walky talkie) Bones. Bones, you there? BRENNAN: We're right here, Booth. This is beautiful. Hodgins, I'll get the skull. You see if there's any other bone particulates. (There are sharks and other sea creatures swimming all around them. Brennan reaches for the top part of the skull) BRENNAN: I have the anterior aspect of the skull. HODGINS: You'd call it a face, Booth. BOOTH: Pipe down there, pal. (Brennan bags the skull and Hodgins is sifting through the sand on the bottom of the tank. She spots something.) BRENNAN: Hodgins. Over here. (Booth moves closer to the tank to see what they've found) BRENNAN: Look. (Behind a rock lies the rest of the skeleton.) (Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Booth is about to enter his office when he notices Catherine walking towards him) BOOTH: Hi. CATHERINE: Hi! I thought I would stop by and see if you've made any progress today. BOOTH: Oh, well, yeah. Dr. Brennan, she's still working on the identification. CATHERINE: Wow. BOOTH: It's what we do. CATHERINE: Do you mind if I ask you a question? BOOTH: Sure. Come on in. (They walk into his office) It's my office. CATHERINE: It's very nice. BOOTH: Yeah, huh. CATHERINE: Yeah. I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime? Maybe this weekend? Unless, of course, I'm a suspect because I know you can't date me if I'm a suspect, right? BOOTH: I - I can't date anyone who's a suspect. CATHERINE: I understand. BOOTH: Yeah. Right? It's FBI, rules and regulations. CATHERINE: Yeah. BOOTH: But, um, you know, when we're done with you, um, you know, I can give you call. And uh, you can go out with me or I can go out with you. CATHERINE: How 'bout both! BOOTH: Hey, hook at that. (They both laugh and smile at each other) CATHERINE: Well, I'm looking forward to not being a suspect. BOOTH: I am, too. CATHERINE: Let me know if hear anything more about the identification. BOOTH: Yeah, yeah. I will. CATHERINE: Alright. BOOTH: Bye. CATHERINE: Bye. (She leaves and he watches her go - tripping over his desk.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Autopsy Room. Clark is showing his findings to Cam.) CLARK: The pelvis verifies the osteon count. He was between the ages of 30 and 34. The fusion of the vertebrae could indicate an injury to the spinal cord. CAM: Huh. Anything off the spectroscope? CLARK: Yes. The distal tibia from the leg we found originally. It confirms the presence of perimortem bruising. CAM: When the shark attacked the victim, he was still alive? CLARK: Yes. Take a look right here. I found a cleft fracture of the styloid process. CAM: Probably blunt-force to the throat. CLARK: And here, several multidirectional grooves along the glabella and the supraorbital ridge. CAM: The victim was stabbed in the eye? CLARK: Varying degrees of force may suggest that someone tried to stab the victim in the face with a narrow, sharp object. CAM: Okay. Well, That makes this an official homicide. The victim was assaulted and then dumped into the tank alive as a means of disposal. (Hodgins enters) HODGINS: I think I know when it happened. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Ookey Room. There is coral sitting in a fish tank on a table.) HODGINS: Meet deploria labyrinthiformis. Better known as the groovy grooved brain coral native to the Caribbean, Bermuda and Bahamas. CAM: Why is it here? HODGINS: Coral skeletons accrete tiny crystals of calcium carbonate at night. So for us, this provides a timeline similar to tree rings. Coral can tell us what was in the water and when it got there. CAM: If you have a year to wait. HODGINS: No. That is the beauty. Because of the rapid nature of the growth, the timeline is condensed. CAM: How specific is it? HODGINS: Within hours. Now, a spike in ammonia and nitrate levels found within the coral skeleton tells us that something died in that tank on Friday night between midnight and 6:00 a.m. Something big. Like human being big. (Cut to: Royal Diner - Day. Booth and Brennan are eating lunch) BOOTH: This here are the 28 people we know were at the aquarium, Saturday morning, between the hours of midnight and 6am. Most of them are, uh, employees and security guards. BRENNAN: Are all of them still alive? (Booth's phone rings) BOOTH: I'm - I'm working on that right now. (picking up the phone) Booth. HACKER: This NOAA thing is turning into a full fledged investigation. (Andrew is walking down a street while talking to Booth) BRENNAN: Who is it? BOOTH: (mouths) Hacker. BRENNAN: Tell Andrew I said Hi. BOOTH: (hesistates, then into phone.) Bones says Hello. HACKER: Hello. Tell her I'm really looking forward to our date. BOOTH: (into phone) Did you two want to speak to each other or is there something that you wanted to tell me, sir? HACKER: I called because I got a heads up on your missing person. BOOTH: (into phone) Yeah. Okay, wow. Gotcha. (He flips the phone closed) BRENNAN: What did he say? BOOTH: Oh, he's looking forward to our date (after realizing his freudian slip) - your date. BRENNAN: So am I. He emailed me and said he had tickets to a play. BOOTH: He emailed you? For a play? BRENNAN: I believe that 'a play' is Andrew's code for sx. (Booth looks a bit uncomfortable) Is it okay for us to talk like this? BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: Well, when he invited me to the play I thought it was code for sx so I said no. BOOTH: Oh. BRENNAN: But I said yes to coffee. BOOTH: Maybe that's a code. BRENNAN: uh, uh. Angela said that coffee isn't a code for anything. BOOTH: Well, I have a date too. BRENNAN: Good. BOOTH: Catherine Bryar. BRENNAN: Everyone at the aquarium is a suspect. BOOTH: And once she's eliminated as a person of interest... BRENNAN: (changing the subject) Why did Andrew call? BOOTH: Oh, um. Number 19 on the list, isn't accounted for. (Booth hands her the paper and she looks at the list) BRENNAN: Jazz Gun? BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: What a ludicris name. BOOTH: You don't know who that is? (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Sweets Office. Booth, Brennan and Sweets are watching a video.) JAZZ GUNN: (on video) My name is Jazz Gunn and I have a secret to tell you. In the simplest terms, the terrestrial world we live in mirrors the underwater world you see right here. The same rules that govern the sea also govern the sea of life. SWEETS: Jazz Gunn is your average and I do mean, "average," self-help guru. His half-baked theory is based on nothing more than the concept of natural selection, but his Sea of Life seminars are packed. BRENNAN: The shape of his skull is consistent with that of the victim. I have never heard of him. BOOTH: I've heard of him. He spent Friday night getting ready to prepare for this big speech that he was supposed to give this morning at the aquarium, and he never showed up. SWEETS: He said that he had a car accident in '93 that left him unable to walk, but after he swam in the sea off the coast of Brazil, he was cured. BOOTH: What, like a miracle? Like this power of positive thinking? BRENNAN: It's preposterous. SWEETS: He swam with sharks. He said that by forcing himself to face his atavistic fears, he gained the strength to fight back. That's the whole theory behind the Sea of Life. BOOTH: What - so now this guy - What? He gets paid a hundred bucks a pop to talk about that in front of fish tanks? JAZZ GUNN: (on video) Let's begin with life lesson #1: Eat or be eaten. What if your friends and neighbors tried to eat you? (Sweets pauses the video) SWEETS: Look at this guy. His name is Tad Benedict. Benedict used to be Jazz's assistant, but, uh, now Jazz does it solo. They had a widely publicized falling out. BRENNAN: What does he have in his hand? SWEETS: Uh, that's a pen. BRENNAN: It looks like a metal stylus. The victim was stabbed with a small, sharp object. BOOTH: Theodore Benedict. He's on our list of people that were there at the aquarium Friday night. SWEETS: Maybe Jazz hired him back. BOOTH: Or maybe he just showed up on his own with a chip on his shoulder. BRENNAN: And a pointy pointer in his hand. BOOTH: Or, like life lesson #1: Eat or be eaten. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Interrogation Room. Booth is interrogating Tad Benedict.) BOOTH: Tad, is it? TAD BENEDICT: Yeah. No. I can't believe this happened. Who would want to kill Jazz? People love him. BOOTH: Well, the easy answer is "you." You worked for him three years ago? TAD: Off and on, starting three years ago, yeah. BOOTH: Well, let's forget about the on, all right? Let's just focus on the off. It says you were dismissed after an argument over compensation? TAD: I wanted a share of the profits. I felt like I did a lot of work and he made all the money. BOOTH: I couldn't think of a clearer motive. You? TAD: Come on. Do I look like I could do that? BOOTH: No. But, uh, you know, I've seen the video. Jazz is about, what? Five four? And you? The way you were wielding that little crazy pen around of yours that you had, is pretty fierce. TAD: You do know that that fight was all over, right? He called me a couple months ago when he oversold a seminar in Santa Fe. He needed help and apologized. I needed the job, so I went back to work. BOOTH: Does he pay you? TAD: I get a percentage after each seminar, just like I asked. And he took me and my wife to Aspen for Chrtmas. I more than forgave him. You want to know what I think, Agent Booth? BOOTH: Sure. TAD: Jazz loved the sea. He wanted to swim in that big tank at the aquarium. He told me. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. On the screen, there's a feed from the tropical reef tank at the aquarium.) BRENNAN: Is this a live feed of the tropical reef tank at the aquarium? ANGELA: Yep. With an interactive interface I implemented myself. Check this out. Click on this guy. The program has an index that catalogs anything organic. BRENNAN: This is incredible, Angela. May I try? (Hodgins enters) HODGINS: Look what I found in the filter from the aquarium. It's a five-inch piece of tanned putrescible animal raw hide. BRENNAN: From a fish? HODGINS: From a wallet. ANGELA: Well, if you go into a fish tank willingly, you remove your wallet, right? HODGINS: Yeah. (noticing the screen) Oh, wow. Oh, you should leave this up. It's beautiful. Peaceful. Pure. ANGELA: It's kind of scary, though, right? HODGINS: I like scary. ANGELA: Yeah, so do I. (After a few moments, Brennan looks over towards Angela and Hodgins and notices they're having 'a moment') BRENNAN: Clark is trying to determine what sort of weapon the killer may have used when stabbing at the victim's face. Hodgins, please keep me posted about what you find in the filter. HODGINS: Uh-huh. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - . Clark is examing remains when Brennan enters the platform.) BRENNAN: Did you have time to examine the grooves? CLARK: I did. BRENNAN: Syringe. CLARK: Taking a closer look, I could see some of the deeper grooves had a faint semi-circular ridge near the point of contact. I thought it would be consistent with the hub of a hypodermic needle. In terms of diameter, 14-gauge would be about right. BRENNAN: But there are no matching grooves on the styloid process. CLARK: No. That injury is simple blunt-force. BRENNAN: If the victim was stabbed with a hypodermic needle, something may have been injected. CLARK: It's hard to tell with the body being submerged and I can't find the perfect needle to match either. BRENNAN: Maybe I can. (Cut to: Aquarium of the Atlantic - Back Room. Marilyn Stoddard is working, Booth and Brennan enter.) BRENNAN: Excuse me. We're back. MARILYN: I see that. Can I help you with something? (Booth laughs) BRENNAN: Why is she taking that tone? BOOTH: Oh, she just doesn't like being pinned as a murder suspect. MARILYN: No. I can deal with that. What I don't like is having every piece of information I give you double-checked. What can I do for you? BOOTH: We want to take a look at your hypodermic needles. MARILYN: All right. What sort of needles? BOOTH: Bones? BRENNAN: The 14-gauge with a round hub and a blunted tip. BOOTH: Exactly. MARILYN: Uh, we don't carry anything like that. BOOTH: Okay. Anything similar? MARILYN: I realize you need to double-check, so please - go right ahead. BOOTH: Also need to know who had access to it on the night the victim died. MARILYN: I wasn't back here that night. BRENNAN: What's wrong with these angelfish? MARILYN: They've been listless the past few days, most likely due to something they ingested. BOOTH: Or someone. BRENNAN: We should take these fish back to the lab. MARILYN: No, you can't. These are a gift from Morocco. BRENNAN: They need to be tested for trace evidence in a murder investigation. BOOTH: We'll get them back to you. No worry. BRENNAN: I may or may not get them back to you. (Booth starts to use a net to get the fish out of the tank when..) BOOTH: Hey, wait. You just said that you weren't here that night. You already said that you were. MARILYN: No. Not in this area. I mean, no one was back here after midnight. I was out in the lobby, helping with the kids. BOOTH: Kids? What kids? MARILYN: Our education department hosts field trips for local elementary students. I was helping the teacher. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Conference Room. Booth is talking to Grace Redmon.) GRACE REDMON: I teach fourth grade. My students are mostly 9 and 10 year olds. We usually do the Natural History Museum and I thought we'd try something new. So we tried the aquarium. BOOTH: Wow. 36 kids overnight. That's - that's very brave of you. GRACE: Well, kids that age, when they fall asleep, they're like little corpses. BOOTH: Did you have any help? GRACE: Yes. Four mothers and they're the same four mothers who do everything. I can give you their names. BOOTH: That'd be great. Thanks. Where did you sleep? GRACE: In sleeping bags on the floor in the lobby. The aquarium people left the lights on in the big tank until midnight; It was beautiful. BOOTH: I'm just wondering; How is it that so many people can spend the night in front of a tank and not see a man being eaten by sharks? GRACE: When they turned the lights off, it was dark. Agent Booth, believe me, if one of those kids had seen anything, they would all know about it by now. BOOTH: Why? GRACE: First of all, they're blabbermouths. And second, they were all issued these disposable cameras. And they take pictures of everything. BOOTH: Everything? GRACE: Everything. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters. The hallway is filled with kids and Booth & Sweets are sitting behind a table in the Conference Room. They're taking the cameras from the students, in hopes that one of them caught something on film.) BOOTH: Just tell me if any of these kids is a killer. SWEETS: Well, no, it's pretty tough to tell your average 9 year old from your average psychopath. BOOTH: Don't say that, all right? I have a kid nearly that age. SWEETS: Children are still forming their sense of ethics at this age. Like I said, they're basically sociopaths. It's true. TEACHER: (O.S.) Kids, kids, don't touch the TV. Get back in line. SWEETS: Hey. (she hands him her camera) Ah, thanks, Lucy. Your photos will be returned after they're developed and perused for the investigation. LUCY: What about the contest? BOOTH: We told the kids it was a photo contest. SWEETS: Oh, that's good. To spare them the trauma of the murder. Good idea. LUCY: Murder? SWEETS: No, no. No, no, no, no. BOOTH: No, no, photo contest. First prize: amusement park. SWEETS: No one said "murder." BOOTH: First place goes to an amusement park. (motioning for Lucy to go) Go ahead. BOOTH: Oh, I saved you. SWEETS: I know. BOOTH: You'll thank me for saving you later. (motioning for the next kid) Next. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Brennan and Angela are looking through the pictures.) ANGELA: So I'm looking for evidencene of shark attack and murder while simultaneously judging a photo contest. BRENNAN: You possess the necessary overlapping skills. ANGELA: Well, between 36 disposables and 10 cell phone cameras, we've got quite a selection here. (she stops on a picture of a little boy with food hanging out of his mouth) Ew. BRENNAN: So, you said that "coffee" isn't code for anything, right? ANGELA: Sweetie, I think you need to stop worrying about sx codes. Hacker is a very up-front guy, who is also extremely politically savvy. Talk about strange overlapping skills, huh? BRENNAN: I don't know what that means. ANGELA: Hacker is very sophisticated in his job, but he's much more transparent in his personal life. Does that sound like anybody you know? BRENNAN: Me? So you mean we're compatible? ANGELA: Well, you know who I think you belong with. BRENNAN: I don't belong with anyone, Angela. Do you? ANGELA: Well, I'm grappling with those same issues. So, yes, go have coffee with Hacker. And if it goes well, then maybe you guys can graduate to lunch. BRENNAN: Wh-What should I wear? ANGELA: Clothing. BRENNAN: (pointing to a picture) Look at this. ANGELA: Let me see that one. Let me see if I can, uh, scan this. (she scans the picture and it shows up on the big screen) Well, it's definitely a person. BRENNAN: That's not our victim. The proportions are wrong. But no one was supposed to be back there. ANGELA: At 2:38 a.m. BRENNAN: Hodgins said that the victim died in the tank between midnight and 6:00 a.m. ANGELA: So this could definitely be our killer. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Ookey Room. Clark enters while Hodgins is blending something in a blender) CLARK: Oh. That is the most unpleasant smell. HODGINS: Angelfish smoothie? CLARK: Man, you killed the Moroccan angelfish? HODGINS: No. No, I did not. They died on their own. Only afterwards did I puree them. ClARK: Oh, I really hope you can prove that. Those aquarium people love their fish. HODGINS: Don't worry. The angelfish died from a generic organic protein-based neurotoxin that's found in lots of different yummy places - like the flagellum of bacteria. CLARK: What, did they absorb it through their gills? HODGINS: I think they ingested it. CLARK: By snacking on our victim? HODGINS: No. This neurotoxin's not strong enough to kill a fully grown human male. CLARK: Wait a minute. What if it was injected through his eye? You know, more than once. HODGINS: Well, it'd be disorienting - as would any injection into the eye. CLARK: Perhaps Dr. Saroyan can find traces in what's left of the body. Thank you. (He starts to head out) HODGINS: Oh, hey, Clark. CLARK: Yeah. HODGINS: Feel I should warn you. Angela and Wendell; they broke up. CLARK: Uh, I'm sorry. What's that got to do with me? HODGINS: She may be on the market for a new intern. CLARK: Okay, okay, okay. Listen. I'm gonna - I'm gonna break my cardinal rule for you and offer some good advice. Don't do that. HODGINS: Do what? CLARK: Channel your own frustrations into snide allusions. HODGINS: Oh. Snide is a strong word. Um... I, uh, I found this for you. It was in the vacuum. CLARK: Looks like an enterolith. In cats, you would call it a hairball. Though, in this, I see some bone fragments within its composition. HODGINS: Well, take it. It's all yours. CLARK: Thanks. HODGINS: Clark. CLARK: What is it now, Dr. Hodgins? HODGINS: Thank you for breaking your cardinal rule. I'll, uh, I'll take what you said under advisement. CLARK: Good. Just know that I really don't need to know the outcome. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Brennan, Angela and Cam are looking at the large screen.) CAM: Why can't you just lighten up the guy's face and, you know, zoom in? ANGELA: Because it was a cell phone camera that was aimed by a child. BRENNAN: The Plexiglas at this point is a foot thick. ANGELA: And 30 feet of water. BRENNAN: At night. CAM: I was just asking. ANGELA: Okay, so I used some warping software to reverse the direction of the distortion that was caused by the waves on the surface of the water. Then I lit it up. But this is the best that I can do. CAM: Okay. Well, we'll print that up and get it to Booth. BRENNAN: I know this man. ANGELA: You do? BRENNAN: Yes, his name is Ben. I saw him working at the aquarium. CAM: Are you sure? BRENNAN: Absolutely. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Interrogation Room. Booth is interrogating Ben Marcus.) BOOTH: So why didn't you clock in, Ben? BEN: Probably 'cause I wasn't working. BOOTH: Really? Okay. There you go. You see? And on top of it, we have photographic evidence that shows that you were. BEN: Oh. Right. That night. BOOTH: Right, that night. Just a routine night at the aquarium. Man gets murdered and then he gets fed to the sharks. BEN: I wasn't supposed to work that night but I switched shifts. I didn't clock in using my own card. That happens. BOOTH: Doesn't matter. Fact is, you were there. So let's start this all over again, shall we, okay? There's a check made out to you. Ben Marcus - that's you, right? - for $10,000, deposited the day after the murder. BEN: I can explain that. BOOTH: Signed by one Dimitri Vladov. BEN: Oh, man. Okay. This looks bad 'cause he's a big Russian mobster type. BOOTH: Hello! Of course it looks bad. It's made out to you for $10,000. For what? BEN: It's not what you think, but if I tell you - Vladov will kill me. Okay, I want a lawyer. I'm not saying anything else. BOOTH: I'll just go ask Vlad. BEN: Do you think you could leave my name out of it? No? BOOTH: No. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Hacker and Booth are walking down the hall.) HACKER: Dimitri Vladov? BOOTH: Yeah. HACKER: Vladov the Impaler paid for a hit with a check? BOOTH: Yeah, well, I mean, why would Vladov hire an amateur? HACKER: And pay by check? That's not a good sign for law enforcement. That's not a good sign for culture as a whole. You know what we ought to do? Pool our money together, buy a buffalo ranch in Alberta. BOOTH: Wha-wh - sir, sir, why do I feel like you're stalling so I don't talk to this guy? HACKER: I am stalling, yes. BOOTH: Why? HACKER: Why go out on a limb when you know it's gonna break? Vladov's under surveillance by about five federal agencies and nothing ever happens. BOOTH: How's he get away with it? HACKER: What's the Russian word for "Teflon"? BOOTH: I don't know, Teflofistan? HACKER: Vladov has been brought up on 50 charges - everything from homicide, RICO, prostitution - they've been smuggling counterfeit vodka for years. He has a brilliant trick to keep himself out of prison. BOOTH: What's that? HACKER: He denies doing it. It's gotten to the point, when he denies something, it's his way of saying yes. BOOTH: Yeah, well, I'm not afraid to bring this guy in. HACKER: You should be. You value your pension, you should be. BOOTH: Okay, well, I'm not, even when you sound like Yoda. HACKER: You want me with you when you talk to him? BOOTH: Why? HACKER: Vladov the Impaler; the nickname is self-explanatory. BOOTH: Nah, I can handle it. HACKER: Good. But I truly hope that you don't end up getting eaten by sharks because your successes have done wonders for my career. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Ookey Room. Hodgins is examining the filter from the aquarium) HODGINS: This looks like your friendly neighborhood gill raker. BRENNAN: What's that? HODGINS: That? That would be your friendly neighborhood gum wrapper. (Brennan's phone rings) BRENNAN: It's Booth. (she puts the phone on speaker) Hello, Booth. (Booth is in the car, driving.) BOOTH: (on phone) Yeah, Bones, listen, you got to help me. I got a hot lead and a funny feeling. BRENNAN: I-I don't understand the juxtaposition. BOOTH: All right, listen, I just need a really strong, really compelling piece of evidence. BRENNAN: Usually, all you say you need is your gun and your wits. BOOTH: Well, you know, I've come to depend on your wits, too. BRENNAN: What kind of proof do you need? BOOTH: Look, I need something that links a Russian mobster to a self-improvement guru who gives speeches in front of fish tanks. BRENNAN: I'm currently witless. HODGINS: This is the Russian mobster who smuggles booze? BOOTH: Yeah, well, that's the nicest thing he does. (Hodgins pours some water in a beaker) BOOTH: (on phone) Hello? Is somebody doing something there? BRENNAN: Hodgins is doing a demonstration in his beaker. HODGINS: It's a fact that Russian "businessmen" add blue dye (he adds blue dye to the water) to tankers of clear alcohol and import it as glass cleaner, thus avoiding the high tariff on booze. Now, once it gets to the States, they need to remove the dye so that they can bottle the booze as vodka. Only way to do that (he pours the blue liquid onto the filter) is from a reverse osmosis filter. BOOTH: Okay, know what? I got "filter" out of that. (The liquid comes out of the bottom of the filter, clear.) BRENNAN: Marilyn at the aquarium told us that they're missing a filter. BOOTH: (on phone) The mob can't go buy a filter? HODGINS: No, this one is special. It's really huge and extra good. See? BOOTH: (on phone) No, I don't see. I'm in another place. I'm driving a car. BRENNAN: Well, if you were here, you'd be very impressed. BOOTH: (on phone) I get it: our victim witnesses a filter theft and gets killed for it. HODGINS: Hit him with the filter, Booth. That's your connection. BRENNAN: Hodgins means metaphorically, Booth. If you hit a Russian mobster with an actual filter, he'd probably just impale you. BOOTH: All right, well, that's great. Thanks for the tip. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Booth's Office. Booth is talking with Dimitri Vladov.) BOOTH: Mr. Vladov, could you, uh, please describe your line of work? DIMITRI VLADOV: For the purposes of this conversation, importing and exporting. Mostly glass cleaner. BOOTH: Is that 80 proof? VLADOV: Agent Booth, you know what you know, fine, but what we are talking about here is different. How about you tell me what it is you think I did. Then I tell you I did not do this thing. Then we part ways amicably. BOOTH: You know a motivational speaker by the name of Jazz Gunn? VLADOV: No. That's a silly name. BOOTH: How about Ben Marcus? Works at the Aquarium of the Atlantic. VLADOV: I even more vehemently deny knowing this person. BOOTH: Did you hire Ben Marcus to steal a filter from the giant tank? VLADOV: I deny this categorically. BOOTH: (he holds up a check in an evidence bag) That your check? That's your name. Right there - Dimitri Vladov. And that's your signature right there. Check was written out to a man who was photographed at the scene of a murder. He cashed it the next day. VLADOV: No, that is not my check. BOOTH: Yes, it is. It's your check. VLADOV: No, it is not. BOOTH: You know, it's illegal to provide false information that may impede a federal investigation. VLADOV: I'm not aware of this, no. BOOTH: Well, you're aware of it now 'cause I'm telling you. VLADOV: Am I under arrest? BOOTH: I don't know. Are you? VLADOV: I like you, Agent Booth. And I've told you everything I know on this issue. You now owe me a favor. BOOTH: I owe you a favor? (he starts to laugh) I don't owe you anything. VLADOV: Yes, you do. (Vladov starts to laugh as well.) BOOTH: (stops laughing) No, I don't. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Brennan is walking down the hall when Hodgins intercepts her, carrying a tray.) HODGINS: May I interest you in our final selections from the filter? Dorsal fin from a foxface rabbitfish. I believe this is some sort of sea turtle feces, a rusty paper clip and the broken spine of a lionfish. And that's all she wrote. (Clark joins them) CLARK: Throw in the embryonic cells of a blue shark and the remains of a human vertebra. BRENNAN: Embryonic cells. (Brennan grabs Clarks tray and rushes off. After a beat, Hodgins and Clark follow after her.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Brennan rushes in with the tray.) BRENNAN: I need to see your virtual aquarium. ANGELA: Yeah. Sure. (She turns on the aquarium) BRENNAN: Is there a blue shark in this tank? ANGELA: I don't think so. (she scans the tank) No. No blue shark. HODGINS: Well, that's not possible. How would those embryonic cells get into the tank? I mean, it's a closed system. BRENNAN: They weren't in the tank. They were in the victim. The embryonic cells of a blue shark can be injected between the vertebrae to form an infrastructure matrix that facilitates neural transmission. It restores the spinal cord. It was progressive surgery that restored Jazz Gunn's ability to walk. It had nothing to do with his ridiculous theory. ANGELA: What a little liar. BRENNAN: Well, I have to tell Booth there's a scientific explanation for this. HODGINS: Dr. Brennan. You know what else is missing from this tank? Lionfish. CLARK: Looks like a 14-gauge. (Cut to: Aquarium of the Atlantic. Booth and Brennan are with Marily, upstairs near the entrance of the tank) BRENNAN: Jazz Gunn was a liar. He wasn't cured by swimming in Brazil. He underwent experimental surgery. BOOTH: Yeah, well, think of all the people he misled. That's motive for murder right there. MARILYN: Is this what you're looking for? (The arrive at the tank with the Lion fish in it) BRENNAN: The edge of this tank is damaged. MARILYN: It still holds water. We're on a tight budget around here. BRENNAN: This explains the cleft fracture on the victim's styloid process. BOOTH: Wh- you lost me, Bones. BRENNAN: The lionfish protects itself with venomous spines containing the same neurotoxin that stunned our victim prior to his death. BOOTH: So no hypodermic needle? BRENNAN: No. There were several spines from one venomous fish all coming into contact with the victim's face at the same time. BOOTH: So this fish stabbed him in the eye? BRENNAN: That is consistent with the wounds, yes. BOOTH: This the only lionfish you have here? MARILYN: That's it. Pterois antennata. I call him Bob. BOOTH: Bob. (Booth laughs at that.) BRENNAN: Bob is our murder weapon. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Cam, Angela, Brennan and Clark are in one of the halls, standing around a fish tank.) BRENNAN: The victim and the killer gained access to the back area of the aquarium before the door was locked. Jazz saw the lionfish in quarantine. (tapping the fish tank) This represents the quarantine tank. Clark. (Clark goes next to Brennan) Jazz was all about facing his fears. He saw one of the world's most venomous fish and was taking a look at it from above the surface of the water, when someone forcibly pushed (she pushes Clarks head into the tank) his head down into the tank, causing a cleft fracture of the styloid process. (she lets him up) CLARK: We used to do that in junior high, but we used a toilet. ANGELA: This man died of a lionfish swirly? CLARK: Yeah. Now several of the venomous spines penetrated the eye area. A few broke and remained embedded. Now with the victim disoriented and possibly unconscious, it was very easy to drag him off to the big tank nearby. CAM: Unconscious underwater, he was dead with his first breath. And those fish tore him apart. That's where this poor nut case's theory actually holds true: eat or be eaten. (Cut to: Booth's Car - Day. Booth and Brennan are driving.) BOOTH: Jazz Gunn flew to Brazil every six months. He had his surgery at a special clinic in a small town called Itamarca. BRENNAN: That would be consistent with the maintenance injections required semiannually. Although Itamarca, Brazil is a long way to go to get them. BOOTH: Well, you know, he's got to keep up the front. Tell everyone he's going for another swim in the sea, right? But guess who else paid a visit to Itamarca this year? (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Interrogation Room. Booth and Brennan are interrogating Grace Redmon) BOOTH: So Brazil's a pretty expensive vacation for a schoolteacher. GRACE: I love to travel. BOOTH: To the very same beach where Jazz Gunn claimed to have been healed by the sea? BRENNAN: How many of his seminars did you attend? (Grace says nothing.) The FBI will find out. BOOTH: You said you didn't know who Jazz Gunn was. GRACE: I went to nine of his seminars. I have fibromyalgia and that bstrd convinced me that if I just faced my fears, that magically all of this pain would just disappear. He lied. BOOTH: So you brought a group of fourth graders along as an alibi for murder? GRACE: No, it was a coincidence. He took me back to see this poisonous fish. "Come face your fears," he said. Last thing he should have said to me right then. I'll tell you what, though. He might have been on to something, that bstrd. Because ever since I shoved his lying face into that poisonous fish, I haven't felt any pain. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Booth and Brennan are walking toward the elevator) BRENNAN: I'm going to have coffee with Andrew. BOOTH: Alright. Have a good time. BRENNAN: Thank you. BOOTH: I'm going to see someone too. BRENNAN: Dr. Catherine Bryar. BOOTH: The case is closed. BRENNAN: She's very nice. The two of you seem compatible. BOOTH: Maybe, we'll see. BRENNAN: She's easily as pretty as I am. I mean, using me as a standard. BOOTH: Bones, you are the standard. BRENNAN: Andrew is not as handsome as you - using you as a standard. He is, however, taller. Catherine isn't as smart as I am. BOOTH: I'm not as smart as Hacker. BRENNAN: But you once said he was a doofus. BOOTH: He is a doofus; a smart doofus. BRENNAN: (heading into the elevator) Well, I hope you have a good time together. BOOTH: Yeah, you too. BRENNAN: Thanks. (They smile at each other and the door closes. Booth heads back toward the office.) (Cut to: Street - Day. Brennan is crossing the street to meet Andrew at the Royal Diner. Andrew is seated, inside, waiting for her.) BRENNAN: I'm not late, am I? HACKER: Nope. BRENNAN: We were catching a murderer. HACKER: I heard. Catching a murderer is the best excuse for being late I've ever heard. BRENNAN: You - you said I wasn't late. HACKER: I was putting you at ease. It's one of my strengths. That and I can write long hand, perfectly, in the dark. (Brennan laughs. He leans across the table and kisses her on the cheek. They both sit.) HACKER: Congratulations on solving the murder. BRENNAN: Yes. Now Booth can have sx with Dr. Bryar. Because she was involved with the investigation and the FBI does not allow socialization with suspects or consultants and for a while, she was both. (having a realization) Oh, my god. Andrew, are you allowed to see me socially? HACKER: Absolutely. I got clearance. BRENNAN: From whom? HACKER: From myself. (Brennan laughs) In fact, I not only granted permission, I insisted that I see you socially. BRENNAN: That's funny because you're satirizing bureaucratic rules by adhering to the letter of the regulations instead of the spirit of it. (They both laugh) HACKER: You've got a great laugh. You do. It's a Rat Pack laugh. BRENNAN: I- I don't know what that means. HACKER: You don't know about the Rat Pack? (she shakes her head, no) That's awesome. BRENNAN: I - I - why? The Rat Pack does not sound like a good thing. HACKER: Because you will not be able to resist the man who showed you that the Rat Pack is a good thing. BRENNAN: (beaming) Okay. (Cut to: Aquarium of the Atlantic. Booth is standing in front of a large tank with Catherine.) CATHERINE: Tell me the truth. Did you think, even for a second, that I might be the murderer. BOOTH: No. I may not know who did commit the murder, but I definitely know who didn't. Yeah, yeah. I know. You're a scientist, so that whole intuition thing is just a load of crap, right? CATHERINE: I have an intuition about you. BOOTH: (smiling) Really. CATHERINE: Mhm. (he laughs) It tells me that you could use some company. BOOTH: Oh. I could use some company. Really? CATHERINE: I make you laugh. You make me laugh. BOOTH: You're gonna make me laugh. CATHERINE: Do you think these diamond earrings are real? BOOTH: I don't know. CATHERINE: I could tell that they were real the minute my ex gave them to me. BOOTH: How so? CATHERINE: Because no one would buy fake diamonds this small. (Booth laughs.) So, give me a call if you want to have dinner sometime. (Catherine starts to walk away) BOOTH: Hey, Catherine. (she stops and turns toward him) Wanna have dinner sometime? CATHERINE: Sure. (She leaves and Booth smiles) (Cut to: Founding Fathers - Night. Booth and Brennan are having drinks.) BRENNAN: Angela and Hodgins find the fish tank to be very romantic. BOOTH: Mystery of the deep. The great unknown. BRENNAN: It's a body of enclosed water filled with aquatic, ectothermic vertebrates. Not unknown at all but pretty. Maybe that's what they like. BOOTH: Yeah. That's probably what it is. I bet that's what it is. So, your date. Um, how was that? BRENNAN: Oh, quite enjoyable. Andrew is charming and very funny. BOOTH: I can see; you're still smiling. BRENNAN: What about you and Catherine? Did you have a good time? BOOTH: Yeah. Yeah. We laughed. A lot. It felt good. I'm gonna see her again. BRENNAN: Excellent. You deserve a good woman, Booth. BOOTH: So do you, Bones. I mean, not a women but you know what I meant. BRENNAN: I know. So, um, what did you laugh about? BOOTH: Just...something about her earrings. BRENNAN: She wore amusing earrings. BOOTH: No. She said that they were a gift and she knew they were real because no one would buy fake diamonds that small. BRENNAN: They might - if they were on a tight budget. BOOTH: Oh, no, no. It's um - it doesn't matter. You had to be there. BRENNAN: Andrew is going to introduce me to a rat pack. He was very excited about it. They must be extraordinary rodents. BOOTH: Yeah. Talented too. BRENNAN: Do you know them? BOOTH: mmhm. (They continue to talk and drink their beers as the scene fades to black) END.	Plan: A: human remains; Q: What is found in the belly of a shark? A: the missing person; Q: What are Brennan and Booth brought in to identify? A: several fish; Q: What did the remains of the missing person suggest the victim had been the prey of? A: The Aquarium of the Atlantic; Q: Where does the team investigate the missing person? A: notorious self-help guru; Q: What was the guest lecturer's profession? A: the ocean; Q: What does the self-help guru preach the healing power of? A: their own relationship; Q: What do Brennan and Booth navigate when a marine biologist shows interest in Booth? Summary: When human remains are discovered in the belly of a shark, Brennan and Booth are brought in to identify the missing person. Evidence suggesting the victim had been the prey of several fish directs the team's investigation to The Aquarium of the Atlantic, where a guest lecturer and notorious self-help guru preaching the healing power of the ocean has gone missing. Meanwhile, both Brennan and Booth navigate their own relationship when a marine biologist shows interest in Booth.
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY RIO HOTEL (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] FLASH TO WHITE: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RIO HOTEL - BACK ROOM - NIGHT] (Camera view looking in on a group of poker players in a quiet room. It's a high-stakes game. Dealer: Start with you, sir? (GRINDER knocks his fist on the table three times.) Grinder: Check. Matt: He doesn't bet, but he keeps a beat. You check. Someone's on a flush draw. Mm, I'll take the free card. Check. Lita Gibbons: I'll check. (LITA puts some eye drops in her eyes.) Matt: What do you got, Candyman? (DOYLE PFEIFFER, the Candyman, puts some candy in his mouth. The waitress approaches the table to refresh the drinks. She stops by MATT first. He puts a chip on her tray as she serves the drinks.) Doyle Pfeiffer: Check. Waitress: (to Matt) Thank you very much. (The waitress moves to serve DOYLE PFEIFFER. She puts a drink in front of him and he gives her his empty glass. MATT notices the slight.) Matt: (mutters) "Stiff" ... typical. (The Grinder looks at his cards.) Grinder: I can bet. Make it ... $2,000. (The Grinder puts a short stack of blue chips in the middle of the table.) Matt: The Grinder speaks. (Matt puts his chips in. DOYLE PFEIFFER doesn't hesitate.) Doyle Pfeiffer: We raise $4,000. Matt: Call the bet. Dealer: $2,000. Raise you $2,000. Matt: It's all about you, Grinder. Grinder: I'm going to go get a $2,000 slice of pizza. (The Grinder folds. LITA GIBBONS smiles.) Matt: Well ... might as well make It a poker game. I'm all in. What do you got, Southern Iowa? Lita Gibbons: A pain in the ass to my right side. (LITA GIBBONS folds. There are only two players left in the game.) Doyle Pfeiffer: Um... yeah, you might have a winning hand. You might be just trying to buy it. Johnny Chan thought I was too old, too back in the '86 series. Matt: You mean, the series where the ball went through Buckner's legs? Doyle Pfeiffer: Save the story, kid. Here's what's what. I got aces. What do you got? Maybe you got trips, maybe king, queen. Maybe you got two pair. Ace hits the board ... I win. Club hits the board ... I win. (He pops in a piece of candy.) Doyle Pfeiffer: Eight, nine hits the board ... (He pops in another piece of candy.) Doyle Pfeiffer: I win. Matt: Here's the matter old man. Thirteen of every suit in the deck. I see three clubs. That means you've got ten coming 37 cards left in the deck. You like those odds? Doyle Pfeiffer: I like 'em a lot better than I like you. (DOYLE PFEIFFER moves to gather his chips. His hands freeze and he starts to convulse. His entire body starts to spasm uncontrollably. The players around the table stare aghast at the man.) (DOYLE PFEIFFER lands face forward on the table. Dead.) FLASH TO WHITE: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RIO HOTEL -- CASINO MAIN FLOOR -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM is standing next to a machine in the middle of the main floor. WARRICK approaches him.) Warrick: You lost? Grissom: I'm listening. Warrick: For what? Grissom: E-C-G ... C major chord. All the slots play the same notes -- perfect harmony. Makes people happy. Warrick: Yeah, except when you're losing. Then you don't hear anything. (WARRICK leaves. After a moment, GRISSOM follows. WARRICK and GRISSOM walk along the casino floor to the yellow taped off area. EMT HANK PEDDIGREW passes them on his way out.) Hank: Hey, guys. Warrick: Hey, Hank. Hank: Sara with you? Warrick: She's over there. (WARRICK indicates somewhere in front.) Hank: Tell her I said hi. (GRISSOM glances back at HANK PEDDIGREW as WARRICK answers.) Warrick: Will do. Hank: Thank you. (HANK continues on his way. WARRICK and GRISSOM reach the crime scene. They duck under the crime tape and head into the private gaming room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RIO HOTEL - BACK ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Camera close up of the body bag being zipped closed. BRASS watches. He turns around just as WARRICK and GRISSOM enter the room.) Brass: Doyle Pfeiffer, best poker player in the world. Eighteen hours ago he sits down at the table a healthy man. A half an hour ago, he drops dead in his chair. Warrick: That's a big pot. Casino's not satisfied with a heart attack? Brass: We're not satisfied. This is high stakes. We're treating it like a murder. Warrick: Suspicious circs. Brass: Mmm. Grissom: You ever played poker, Warrick? (WARRICK ducks his head.) Warrick: Nah. Poker's not gambling. It's playing against percentages. It's a skill. I like to play for the thrill. (GRISSOM reaches for the hand nearest him and flips the two cards over. It's a King of Hearts and a King of Spades.) Grissom: Whose hand was this? (From beyond the doorway, MATT yells into the room.) Matt: Mine! That pot's mine. He dropped dead before he went all in! (OFFICERS lead MATT away from the doorway.) Brass: Some young, loud-mouthed player thinks it's his pot. Grissom: Mmm. Brass: Excuse me. (GRISSOM reaches for the hand nearest him and flips the card over.) Grissom: Two cowboys -- one in the flop, trips. (The camera pans slowly across the table to a hand that's flipped over showing a King of Clubs, a Queen of Clubs, an Eight of clubs and an unknown card of diamonds. GRISSOM reaches for another hand.) Grissom: Pair of aces. (It's an Ace of clubs and an Ace of diamonds.) Grissom: No river card, though. Burn one, turn one. (WARRICK puts the top card aside and flips over the second card.) Warrick: Ace of spades. Grissom: The Death Card. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRENCHMAN AIR FIELD -- DAY] (Camera low on the ground as CATHERINE exits the Tahoe. She joins NICK and they both walk to the body.) Nick: Who called it in? Lockwood: Western LVU ornithology student. Saw turkey vultures. Got curious. (CATHERINE puts her kit down and crouches low to examine the body.) Catherine: Birds of prey beat maggots to a body-- impressive. Gunshot. Entry just below the cheek. Not much blood, no blood pools. Nick: Means he wasn't shot here. Catherine: Where exactly is "here?" Lockwood: Frenchman airfield -- it's an old landing strip hasn't been used since the '60s. Nick: Well, it's flat. You could still land a plane here. Lockwood: Yeah, but in the middle of nowhere? Catherine: Perfect place to dump a body. (Camera holds on turkey vultures.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RIO HOTEL - BACK ROOM - NIGHT] (WARRICK, GRISSOM and SARA examine the room. From outside the room, the camera moves in slow. SARA finds a single abandoned piece of "Choco-Bees" on the floor. She picks it up and stands. She holds it out in front of her.) Sara: I got chocolate. Warrick: What color is it? Sara: Green ... You know what they say about the green ones. (GRISSOM doesn't look up.) Grissom: Bag it separately. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RIO HOTEL & CASINO - OUTSIDE BACK ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] (MATT, the person, who played poker against the deceased stands outside the crime scene area with BRASS. He's rather upset that the ownership of the pot is in question.) Matt: But you agree with me, right? It's a forfeit. Doyle never went all in. He can wipe his ass with those aces river card or no river card. I beat him. It's a forfeit. (BRASS holds up a finger to get MATT'S attention.) Brass: Look ... look. Shh ... see this badge? I'm not with the gaming commission. You got a problem with gaming, see the guy in the bad suit. (Camera cuts to an older man standing off to the side speaking with an officer.) Brass: Here's the deal: Pending an investigation, it's our pot. (MATT doesn't like it one bit.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RIO HOTEL & CASINO - BACK GAMING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] (WARRICK holds an ALS to the seat of a chair. It glows.) Warrick: Is that what I think it is? Grissom: Urine, maybe. Game like this, leaving the table early could be perceived as a sign of weakness. Sara: Tell me they Scotchguard these things. Grissom: Why don't you tell me when you take it back to the lab and process it? Sara: Yay. (SARA picks up the chair and walks toward the exit.) Warrick: How is it that you know so much about poker? (GRISSOM writes on the plastic bag.) Grissom: It's how I financed my first body farm in college. Warrick: You're kidding. Wow. I'm impressed. I mean, the fact that you sat at a table with actual living beings. Grissom: Well ... poker's not a game of interaction. It's a game of observation. I used to study people. And then I guess I, uh ... got bored. Now I study evidence. Warrick: What I don't get is it's not like we've never talked about gambling before. How come you never mention it? Grissom: Same reason a good player hides his "tells." (WARRICK nods his head.) Warrick: He doesn't want to be exposed. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - FAST-MOTION - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] Robbins: You know why Steve Wynn hired Bobby Baldwin to run The Nugget, then The Mirage, The Bellagio? He was a great poker player, Great Thinker. Grissom: I did not know that. Robbins: Stop the world. No violaceous lividity prominent above the level of the shoulders. Grissom: So no heart attack? Robbins: Not ruling out stroke, but check out the mees lines in his fingernails. (ROBBINS lifts up the deceased's hands to show the fingernails. Camera close-up to the fingernails. Resume to present.) Robbins: Milky, vomit-like fluid in the corners of his mouth ... (Camera close-up to DOYLE PFEIFFER'S face and the white fluid in the corner of his mouth. Resume to present.) Robbins: ... single blue line running across his gums ... (ROBBINS opens the deceased's mouth. Camera moves in close-up to focus on the blue line above the teeth. Resume to present.) Robbins: ... all the earmarks of lead poisoning. Grissom: I haven't seen a case of lead poisoning in years. Robbins: What's that look like to you? (GRISSOM and ROBBINS move to the viewbox. ROBBINS points to a specific film.) Grissom: It looks like he's got a bullet in his thigh. Robbins: It's probably been there quite a while leeching lead into his system. Grissom: Enough to kill him? Robbins: I'll know better when I get the tox screen back and examine the brain. (ROBBINS smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (GRISSOM sits alone in the Audio/Visual room viewing the security camera tape of the poker table. He fast-fowards and stops. The VCR whirring is the only sound in the room. GRISSOM doesn't take his eyes off of the screen.) (From XX:XX:42 to XX:XX:48, the camera shows the poker game with the Candyman every now and then eating chocolate candies during the game.) (From 1:01:XX the game continues.) (From 1:03:21 to 1:03:32, camera angles change from directly above the game to a close up of The Grinder.) (Fast forward to 1:04 to 1:05, the camera angle changes to show LITA GIBBONS using eye drops.) (Something occurs to GRISSOM.) Grissom: Everyone has a tell, don't they, Lita? (Camera holds on LITA GIBBONS using eye drops.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] Greg: A whiskey sour, huh? Yeah, I'm a "thug passion" man, myself. It's a Tupack thing. (GREG mispronounces Tupac.) Sara: Tupac? Greg: So, what does your paramedic like to drink? I bet with a name like "Hank," he's probably got some ho's sipping on 'yac. Sara: "Yac"? Cognac? No. "Ho's?" I'm not going there and, um, that's none of your business. It's nobody's business, as a matter of fact. Greg: All right, well, I won't tell Warrick and Nick about Hank on one condition ... you tell me what he's got that I don't got? (SARA smiles at GREG just as the printer prints out the test results. SARA picks up the paper and reads it.) Sara: There was tetrahydrozoline in the victim's drink. (Taking the sheet of paper with her, SARA moves to leave the room. GREG stops her.) Greg: Uh, I never got my answer. Sara: I got mine. You don't even like Tupac, Greg. (Camera holds on GREG.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (Security camera close up of LITA GIBBONS' eye drop label: Tetrahydrozoline Eye Redness re-liever Non-Staining) (The VCR whirrs. The camera pulls back to show that LIGA GIBBONS is holding the eye drop container.) Warrick: She killed him with eyedrops? Sara: Well, it's not that far-fetched. Tetrahydrozoline is the active ingredient in eye drops. It's a vasoconstrictor. Obviously, it's great for bloodshot eyes. (Quick CGI POV close up of a right eye with redness. Eye drop liquid is dropped into the eye and the redness disappears. Flash to white. Resume to present.) Warrick: I can buy that: You ingest eyedrops it constricts the blood vessels throughout your body maybe even spike your blood pressure perhaps even cause a stroke. Sara: It's a perfect poison. It's odorless, colorless, tasteless. Doyle would have never known it was in his drink. Grissom: Only one thing. Warrick: What's that? Grissom: Lita Gibbons was the last one to sit down at the table and she never left her chair. So ... how'd the eye drops get into his drink? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (CATHERINE enters the room. She's carrying a file.) Robbins: Hey, Catherine. Nice timing. I just finished my prelim on your John Doe. (CATHERINE walks to the other side of the examining table. She opens the file and reads the information.) Catherine: No longer a John Doe. Got a name and a rap sheet. Jace Felder, busted for selling meth in '98. His prints are in AFIS. (She closes the file.) Your turn. Robbins: Cause of death: Perforating gunshot wound through and through. Wound penetrated the zygomatic arch exited the right temple. (Quick CGI POV of a bullet piercing through the deceased's left cheek and blood spattering out from the unseen right side. End of CGI POV. White flash to present.) Robbins: Check out his right eardrum. (ROBBINS hands the otoscope to CATHERINE. CATHERINE leans in and examines the deceased's ear.) (Quick CGI POV from the outer ear camera moves in through the ear and through the bone. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Catherine: His eardrum's gone. Robbins: Presence of blood indicates the tympanic membrane was blown out shortly before death. (CATHERINE hands the otoscope back to ROBBINS.) Catherine: We found him on an airstrip. Maybe he was too close to a jet engine. Robbins: Jet engine? Well, that would explain his clothing. A gasoline smell. Sent if off to trace. Here's something you don't see every day, though: Perimortem bruising on his torso. Two symmetrical lines. (ROBBINS indicates the deceased's chest.) Catherine: Looks like it could be from a harness or a seat belt. Robbins: (nods) Maybe. Catherine: What was this guy? A Top Gun? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRENCHMAN AIR FIELD-- DAY] (Camera long shot of NICK walking down the center of the air strip. He's carrying his CSI kit.) (Dissolve to NICK on the right side of the air strip taking pictures. His CSI kit on the opposite side of the roadway. He's a little closer to the camera.) (Dissolve to NICK on the left side of the roadway, camera still in his hands. His CSI kit on the ground on the right side of the roadway. He's working the road.) (Dissolve to NICK standing even closer to the camera. He's on the right, his CSI kit on the left.) (Dissolve to NICK on the right side of the roadway still closer to the camera. He takes his camera off and crouches low to the ground.) (Dissolve to NICK placing his CSI kit down on the road directly in front of the camera. He crouches low to the ground.) (Cut to NICK brushing the tire tread marks in the road. The treadmarks are long and pronounced. There appears to be two sets of treads.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRENCHMAN AIR FIELD-- DAY] (CATHERINE picks up a smashed passenger side view mirror on the air strip.) Catherine: Well, this was no plane. Marks are too narrow. No center wheel, and ... when was the last time a plane lost a rearview mirror? (NICK walks closer to CATHERINE.) Nick: Actually, we're looking at two. Catherine: Two? Nick: Yeah, I've got fresh marks at the head of the runway two sets, both parallel, so ... my guess is one car spun out here ... Catherine: Man, you are way ahead of me. Nick: Yeah, well, I been here a while. Over there another set of treads going straight ahead, so ... Catherine: Right. And you only lay down treads when your wheels aren't rolling smoothly. Panic braking? Sudden boost of acceleration? Race? (NICK nods his head.) Nick: I think so, yeah. Catherine: Drag racing? Nick: Or street racing. Catherine: Ah ... Nick: There's a reason it's illegal. Catherine: Yeah. Kids end up dead. HARD CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY STREET -- NIGHT] (NICK and CATHERINE walk through the street. They're carrying their CSI kits. In the background, kids hang and car stereo music blares.) Nick: Midnight drags. My brother was a gearhead. Rebuilt a '65 GTO with three carbs. Ran the thing flat out. Zero to a buck-13 in a quarter mile. Catherine: So your brother's cooler than you. (NICK Laughs ) Nick: No. No, not really. (They meet up with DET. LOCKWOOD.) Lockwood: Welcome to pre-game. Every gear-banger in Clark County all with the same question -- "What are you running under there?" Catherine: Foreplay is foreplay. So, when do they race? Lockwood: It's not so much when it's where; racing locations are always in play. Once the call comes in the street will empty out in seconds. Catherine: They go all the way out to Frenchman airfield from here? Lockwood: Only when it rains. Catherine: It rained last night. Rain brings up the oil from the streets. They got to go somewhere to get some traction. (CATHERINE looks at NICK. NICK nods.) Nick: The desert. (NICK moves forward toward the yellow car parked behind DET. LOCKWOOD.) Nick: Centrifugal supercharger. Nice. (NICK puts his CSI kit down. The owner of the car who was standing on the side with two women, moves toward NICK when he hears NICK'S admiring comment.) Turbo Owner: Yeah, it's like the compressor side of a turbo but instead of spinning on the exhaust it goes through a gearset to the crank. (The young man's voice fades as he notices CATHERINE standing there.) Catherine: More power, no extra weight. Every girl's dream. (The young man laughs. He takes a couple of steps forward and points to his car hood. NICK leans in to look at it.) Turbo Owner: Ooh. I like that. Yeah, check the nitrous speed. Nick: Nos. Nitrous oxide system. Catherine: Nitrous oxide as in speed? Turbo Owner: Well, speed is ultimately limited by how fast you can mix oxygen with fuel and ignite it. Nick: Regular air is about 20% oxygen. Nitrous is 40. Double the burn, double the power. (Quick CGI POV white flash to the meter under the hood as the indicator quickly moves from 0 to the red zone. Camera moves in double time through the coils where it ignites and causes the engine to power up. The engine revs. Camera moves out from the car to side close up of the tires moving along the road. Flash to white.) Catherine: So the sudden boost of acceleration could account for the treads back at the airstrip. (From behind them, another yellow car drives slowly up past them. NICK sees something.) Nick: Check out that racing harness. Same as the bruises found on the victim. (The yellow car passes them by. From another direction, another dark car drives up with its stereo noticeably louder than everything. There are two men in the car.) Lyric: (stereo blasting): ["Lapdance" by N.E.R.D.] It's so real / how I feel / 'cause this society / that makes A... wanna kill / I'm just straight ill / ridin' my motorcycle down the streets / while politicians is soundin' like strippers to me / they sayin'... (NICK and CATHERINE turn around to see where the loud music is coming from. The man in the passenger seat gets out of the vehicle. CATHERINE opens her kit and takes out an AMPROBE(tm) Sound Meter. It reads 131.1dB.) (CATHERINE holds up the meter and approaches the passenger who just exited the vehicle.) Catherine: Hey! You deaf? Thumpy G: Oh, thanks a lot. What's up? I'm Thumpy G. Catherine: A jackhammer is about 50 decibels quieter. Thumpy G: You know the only way to beat a jackhammer is to bust 15,000 watts of Run DMC's "dumb girl" or-or L. L. Cool J's "Goin' back to Cali." You know? (Off screen a car horn blares and a voice yells out.) Man: (o.s.) Hey, G, what's up? Thumpy G: (to the man) Yo, Dog. Catherine: So, Thumpy ... you blow out a lot of eardrums? Thumpy G: I try to. (LOCKWOOD holds out a photo. THUMPY G barely looks at it.) Lockwood: You know this cat? Jace Felder. Thumpy G: (to LOCKWOOD) Negative. (THUMPY G calls out to some women behind and off screen from the group.) Thumpy G: What's up, baby? Woman: Hi. Thumpy G: (to the woman) Hey! Catherine: Hey, Thumper! How about we impound your car, seize your stereo system and charge you with disturbing the peace? Thumpy G: Oh, she is hot, but now it's real hot. All right. Yo, do. It's coming back to me. Nick: We're all ears. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Camera close up of a whirring bone-cutting hand saw turned on, then off. DAVID PHILLIPS is admiring ROBBINS' hand saw.) David Phillips: Wow, is this new? Robbins: Yup. Turbo. (With a scalpel, ROBBINS cuts into the deceased's forehead skin.) David Phillips: I like it. (DAVID PHILLIPS turns to look at the table.) David Phillips: You need any help? Robbins: Nope. (ROBBINS finishes the cut and peels back the facial skin. It comes off in one beautiful piece. DAVID watches closely. He smiles and nods his head.) David Phillips: Cool. (ROBBINS glances up at DAVID and puts down his head gear's protective shielding. He holds out his hand for the hand saw. DAVID, still leaning in close, looks up and gives the hand saw to ROBBINS. ROBBINS turns it on and starts to saw into the skull. Blood spatters onto DAVID'S clothes and skin as he neglected to put down his head gear's protective shield. DAVID looks up at ROBBINS. ROBBINS turns off the saw and looks at DAVID.) Robbins: Want to step back a little? (DAVID puts the head shield down and takes a couple of steps backward.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY -- PALMS HOTEL & CASINO (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PALMS CASINO -- POKER TABLE -- NIGHT] (The man at the poker table throws his hand onto the table. LITA GIBBONS smiles as she collects the pot.) Lita Gibbons: Hey, Al. (Standing off to the side near the door are BRASS and GRISSOM.) Brass: So, how many pots is that? Grissom: Too many. Brass: Yeah. (BRASS approaches the poker table. Brass: Lita Gibbons? (LITA GIBBONS looks up, her smile freezing on her face. Off on the side still near the door, GRISSOM stands there holding his CSI kit.) Brass: Why don't you sit this one out? Come with me. (LITA GIBBONS looks at GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PALMS CASINO - EMPTY BALLROOM] (LITA GIBBONS is sitting in a chair in an auditorium like setting in the ballroom. BRASS and GRISSOM stand next to her.) Lita Gibbons: Yeah. I live here. Tangiers is a damn smokehouse. Bothers my eyes. Brass: You use eyedrops? Lita Gibbons: Bottles and bottles. Brass: Can we see them? Lita Gibbons: Pick a pocket. (GRISSOM kneels in front of LITA GIBBONS as she takes out an eye drops bottle from her pocket. She looks up at GRISSOM.) Grissom: Miss Gibbons, what color are your eyes? Lita Gibbons: Brown. Grissom: Well, why are you wearing just one contact lens? Lita Gibbons: I have 10/30 vision in my right eye. (GRISSOM shines his flashlight at LITA GIBBONS' right eye.) Grissom: Why is it tinted? We're going to need to take that contact lens. And your eyedrops. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Camera close up of ROBBINS holding a bloodied brain. DAVID PHILLIPS is standing next to him. WARRICK enters the room.) Robbins: You ever held a legend's brain? David Phillips: Brain cried uncle. Robbins: Correct spelling: U-N-C-A-L. Uncal herniation-- a swelling at the base of the temporal lobe which compresses the posterior cerebral artery resulting in a stroke. (ROBBINS indicates the part of the brain that he's talking about.) Warrick: Let's back up here. Victim had chronic lead poisoning from a bullet that was left in his leg. Robbins: Tox is pending. Warrick: But what you're thinking is the lead from the bullet made his brain swell up with ... uncal herniation? Robbins: Wild card was blood pressure. If he kept that under control he might have had another twenty years. Warrick: Except that someone put tetrahydrozoline in his drink which made his blood pressure spike and now we got his brain in a bowl. Robbins: Yup. (WARRICK turns around to look at the examining table.) Warrick: Nasty. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GARAGE -- DAY] (NICK and CATHERINE enter the garage.) Nick: Michelangelo? Catherine: Yup. Nick: It's an odd name for a mechanic. Catherine: Well, Thumpy G said he was an artist. (They approach the two men standing next to the open hooded car.) Nick: Michael ... angelo. Nick Stokes, Catherine Willows. Vegas crime lab. (One man looks up when he hears his name called. The other man leaves. NICK looks at the car with the open hood.) Nick: Wow. Catherine: Yeah. So how long you been racing cars? Michelangelo: I don't race 'em. I soup 'em. And at six-fifty an hour, you're costing me money. Catherine: And you're costing us time. We're investigating a murder. Michelangelo: Jace Felder, right? Catherine: That's right. Nick: How do you know? Michelangelo: Small world. Shame about what happened. He was the Steve McQueen of Southern Nevada. Nick: We're looking for the kid he raced the night he was shot. Michelangelo: Why come to me? Nick: Thumpy G dropped your name, man. Said he was driving a "Michelangelo." Michelangelo: I have many works of art. Which one? Nick: A blue honda, blue rims, tinted windows. (MICHELANGELO recognizes it immediately. He turns around and close the car hood. He walks away. CATHERINE smiles at NICK.) Catherine: "Works of art". (MICHELANGELO returns carrying a photograph. He hands it to CATHERINE. As MICHELANGELO speaks, she looks at it then hands it to NICK.) Michelangelo: Billie Holiday. Built this baby for myself. Sold it to some punk kid. Never should have done that. Sold out. Kid walks in one day $100,000 price tag in his head. Wants a racer off the showroom floor. No custom, no waiting, right now. Paid by check. Catherine: Silver spoon kid. You got a copy of the check? Michelangelo: Tossed it. Catherine: Tossed it? Michelangelo: Never should have done that, either. Catherine: No. Michelangelo: All I know was, it was an insurance company check. Third party. Sat on it till it cleared. (CATHERINE'S cell phone rings. She answers it.) Catherine: (to phone) Yeah? Lockwood: (from phone) Found Jace Felder's car. Catherine: (to phone) Where? INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. HIGHWAY UNDERPASS - DAY] Lockwood: Yeah, we were lucky. It was right under our noses. Uniform found it out on Gibson road. Tent sale. The, uh, VIN number was scratched off but I ran the firewall. Came back Jace Felder. Catherine: Who's the seller? Lockwood: Uh, some guy named Steven Masters. Well, make him an offer. Catherine: We'll take the car. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GREG holds up a bottle of eye drops. He looks up.) Greg: So, we meet again. Lita Gibbons wasn't putting this on her nipples, was she? (SARA stands in front of his lab table.) Sara: You have been drinking too many Thug Passions. The woman is twice your age. She may be three times your age, Greg. (GREG chuckles and waves his hand.) Greg: Old case. Sorry. (The printer whirls out the test results. GREG stands and takes the read-out. He looks at it and compares it to the prior read out from the other test. He doesn't say anything.) Sara: Well? (GREG turns around to glance at SARA over his shoulder.) Greg: Well, uh, you'll get your answer when I get mine. (SARA doesn't say anything.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (RONNIE LITRE enters the room. He's carrying a small cloth bag and hands it to GRISSOM who is leaning over the table of cards.) Ronnie Litre: Hey, Grissom. Hooked you up. (GRISSOM opens the bag and pulls out a large blue-tinted eye glass.) Grissom: Is this the same color as the contact lens? Ronnie Litre: Only bigger. Glass is my life. (RONNIE LITRE smiles.) Grissom: All right, stick around. I need your eyes. Ronnie Litre: As long as they stay in my head. (GRISSOM uses the eye glass and looks at the cards spread out back side up on the table in rows. RONNIE stands on the side and watches. He hands the large eye glass to RONNIE.) Grissom: Find the aces. Ronnie Litre: How many are there? (RONNIE takes the eye glass from GRISSOM. He waits for a response and finally looks up at GRISSOM when he doesn't get any.) Grissom: Four. (RONNIE scans the row nearest him. He notices the slight discoloration of a card's top left hand corner.) Ronnie Litre: First row, third card. (GRISSOM flips the card over. It's the Ace of Clubs.) Ronnie Litre: Second row, fourth card. (RONNIE finds the next card with a discoloration on the bottom right corner. It's the Ace of Hearts.) Ronnie Litre: Third row, eighth card. (The next card has discoloration on the top left corner. GRISSOM flips the card over.) Ronnie Litre: And, fourth row, third card. (GRISSOM flips that card over.) Ronnie Litre: Anaglyphics. Color contrast to see hidden marks. (In the background, we see SARA approach and enter the room.) Grissom: Lita Gibbons was playing the daub. She was cheating. She marked the corners of the cards with lip balm. Sara: And that's all she was doing. The victim's drink contained point-zero-five (.05%) tetrahydrozoline hydrachloride and point-two-five percent (.25%) zinc sulfate. There was no zinc sulfate in any of Lita Gibbons' eyedrops. It's a different formulation. Grissom: So she didn't kill Doyle Pfeiffer. Sara: No. But someone's eyedrops did. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CASINO -- NIGHT] (WARRICK is interviewing NADINE, the waitress at the poker game the night DOYLE PFEIFFER died. GRISSOM stands on the side observing.) Nadine: You're costing me money, here. I've got a second shift at the Monaco. Warrick: Well, you didn't seem too worried about money the other night. We watched the surveillance tape. Doyle Pfeiffer didn't even pass you a nickel yet you were all over him. Bartender: (in background and o.s.) Order's up. (GRISSOM turns around and looks at the bar and the bartender. A dark-haired waitress walks over toward the bar. GRISSOM leaves the interview in progress and goes to the bar.) Nadine: I can tell you've never served drinks. Catch him in the right mood with the right pot, he can make your month. Warrick: Is that why you were giving eyes to the California kid? Nadine: I wasn't making eyes with him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE BAR - NIGHT] (BRASS is interviewing MATT at the bar. MATT was the player in the blue beret.) Brass: You tipped some waitress $1,500 the other night? You in business, or you in love? (MATT shakes his head.) Matt: I was running a hot streak, three kill pots in a row. Sixty grand in forty minutes - I threw her a bone. Brass: That all you threw her? Put a shot in her? Anything else I should know? I mean, we're just talking here. Matt: All I can say is for fifteen hundred bucks you get great service. (MATT bites down on the end of his stirring straw.) CUT BACK TO: Nadine: I'm a waitress, not a call girl. I was playing one guy against the other. You want to make money? You bait. Besides ... I thought Doyle had a heart attack. Warrick: He did, but he had help. Someone put something in his drink. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE BAR - NIGHT] (Camera close up of the drink the bartender is filling. GRISSOM walks over to the bar and stands off to the side waiting. The waitress waiting for her tray looks at him and smiles. The bartender notices GRISSOM. The waitress leaves. GRISSOM walks up to the bartender.) Bartender: What can I get you? Grissom: I'd like some information. CUT BACK TO: Matt: Do you know what happens when you beat a legend? People see you different. They-they play you different. I wanted that edge. Brass: All right, let's go with that-- an edge. Matt: It does not play into my hand to have the guy dead. CUT BACK TO: Bartender: The days of comping drinks ... sticking the hotel with the bill, those are done. Everything's computerized down to the last drop. Standard protocol. Down to the way the girls order their drinks: Sodas first, mixers second, beers last. No exceptions. (GRISSOM looks around the bar.) Grissom: Where's your alcohol? I don't see any bottles. (BARTENDER smiles and throws a thumb over his shoulder.) Bartender: Back of the house. Grissom: Really? May I order a double bourbon on the rocks? Bartender: Coming up. (The BARTENDER puts a glass filled with ice on the counter. He pulls out the nozzle and begins to fill the glass.) (Quick CGI POV as the camera focuses in on the bartender's thumb pressing the button. Camera moves in high speed through the back of the spray, through the pipes, through the various twists and turns to the back of the house where the alcohol is stored. The glass bubbles as liquor is released. The camera zooms back the path, up through the pipes to the front of the house where the bourbon fills the glass. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) (The BARTENDER places in a small stirring straw into the drink.) Bartender: Eight dollars. (GRISSOM pulls out a bill from his wallet.) Grissom: You keep the drink and the change. (The BARTENDER takes the bill.) Bartender: Thank you. CUT BACK TO: Warrick: You mind if I take a look in your purse? Nadine: Yes, I do mind. (She sighs as WARRICK doesn't respond. She reluctantly opens her purse and pulls out a small bottle of "Original Fast Acting" eye drops with a red label.) Nadine: I'll tell you this. You bust me, you better bust all of us. (WARRICK takes the bottle.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HIGHWAY UNDERPASS -- DAY] (NICK walks toward the red car. He opens the passenger car door and crouches low. CATHERINE is already examining the driver's side with the car door open.) Catherine: No glass no paint flecks, no personal effects. It's been cleaned. (NICK sees something. He pulls out a Leatherman pliers from his pocket.) Nick: Hold the phone. I've got what looks like ... ah. ...A nine-millimeter round. No visible body fluid. What do you think? Maybe a miss? Catherine: Well, if he was shot in the car there's got to be some blood. Nick: Spray it up. (NICK stands and closes the passenger door. He puts the bullet in an evidence envelope. CATHERINE begins spraying the driver's side. As she sprays, the blood begins to appear.) Catherine: Well, the only void is in the driver's seat. Means it was occupied by our victim, Jace Felder. So he was shot in the head, left to right. Spatter on the passenger door is from the exit wound. Nick: Well, what about the rest of this blood? It's everywhere. Catherine: He was shot while the car was in motion? Bled out while the car was rolling? (Quick flashback to an ext. shot of the car flying and flipping over at high speed. The car hits the ground, parts flying everywhere. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: I want to meet this killer. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Steven Masters: Opportunity knocked. (he laughs) I answered. Nick: Okay. Uh, let's back up and start over shall we, Mr. Masters? You and your brother were off-roading. Steven Masters: Yes, sir. Nick: And you stumbled upon a wrecked racer out near Mercury. Steven Masters: Yes, sir. Nick: Why didn't you just ... ? Catherine: (interrupts) Wait a minute. Let me, uh, let me get in on this. Nick: Please. Catherine: What were you thinking? You-you took the car? Steven Masters: Damn right. Engine alone's worth fifteen grand. (Quick flashback to STEVEN MASTERS and ADAM MASTERS out on the air strip approaching the car.) Steven Masters: The keys are still in the ignition. See if it runs. Adam Masters: What about him? Steven Masters: L-leave him here. (End of flashback. Resume to CATHERINE.) Catherine: And what does a person's life go for? Steven Masters: Ma'am, he was already dead. (smiling) I drove the car home, washed it out. Catherine: And you didn't think to call 911 or anything like that? Steven Masters: No. You guys would have impounded the car. CATHERINE Okay, Mr. Masters. You've just confessed to grand larceny. Tampering with a crime scene. Detective Lockwood will get back to you on the murder charge. (CATHERINE opens the door and leaves the room. STEVEN MASTERS is not smiling anymore.) Nick: Make yourself at home, boss. (NICK leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY OUTSIDE INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS] Catherine: Jackass. Nick: Dumbass. Catherine: "Opportunity knocked." (From behind them, DET. LOCKWOOD calls out to catch their attention.) Lockwood: Hey, guys. I got a name on that third-party check signed over to Michelangelo. Tony Del Nagro. 8824 Sandy Creek Road. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DEL NAGRO RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY] Tony Del Nagro: Yeah. I race. Catherine: You race Jace Felder the other night? Tony Del Nagro: I race a lot of people. Mr. Del Nagro: Look, if you're looking to bust my son for street-racing you can get your partner out of my backyard. I mean ... Catherine: Sir, we're investigating a murder. Jace Felder was shot and killed. Mr. Del Nagro: He doesn't know anything about that. Catherine: Tony ... tell me about the race. Tony Del Nagro: We went head up. (Quick flashback to the race out on the air strip. Two cars side-by-side racing at high speed. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Tony Del Nagro: Put my pink slip up against his five grand. Guess you could say I won. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DEL NAGRO RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS] (NICK uncovers the car. He holds up a hand at the passenger-side window and immediately notices the difference.) Nick: New glass - less tint. (Cut to NICK spraying the passenger side seat looking for evidence.) (Cut to NICK rubbing the passenger side door just under the window. He looks at the pad in his hand. It's covered in black.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DEL NAGRO RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS] Catherine: From what I hear, Jace Felder was ... Mario Andretti. Why would you...? (The door opens and NICK enters the house.) Catherine: Why would you risk your "Michelangelo" against the best? Tony Del Nagro: The best? Yeah, right. Jace was nothing but a lip-flapper. Told me I was all flash and no dash. He wanted to nut up a title. I took it. (Quick flashback to the race in progress. Two cars peeling it down the air strip. One car flips over and hits the ground, parts flying everywhere. Flash to white. Resume to TONY DEL NAGRO.) Tony Del Nagro: Everybody scattered. No one wants to be there when the cops show up. Nick: Did you replace one of your car windows recently? Tony Del Nagro: Yeah. Last week. Some tweeker blew it out doing donuts. Nick: Before or after you fired the gun in your car? Mr. Del Nagro: All right what is this all about? I mean, look, my son doesn't have to answer any more of your questions. Tony Del Nagro: Dad, it's okay. It's fine. Yeah, I popped off a few rounds through the sunroof. Nick: The sunroof? Tony Del Nagro: Yeah, everybody does it. Music's bumping and everybody's showing off their wheels. You get hyped for a race. Everybody does it. Catherine: Where's the gun, Tony? Mr. Del Nagro: It's not his; it's mine. It doesn't belong to him. It's registered to me. Nick: Well, sir, we have reason to believe this gun was used in a homicide. Mr. Del Nagro: Well, sir ... My wife was murdered two years ago and I couldn't even get a cop to return my phone calls and now here you are in my home harassing my son. Get out. Now. Take a walk. Catherine: We'll be back with a warrant. (MR. DEL NAGRO nods his head. He still wants them to leave. CATHERINE stands and they both leave. Camera holds on TONY DEL NAGRO.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] Greg: What do cowboys drink? Warrick: Whiskey. Greg: And when I chew on a lemon wedge boy, is it ... Warrick: Sour. Greg: And vacuums are great because they ... (GREG puts the test results in front of GRISSOM and WARRICK to look at.) Warrick: Suck. Grissom: Reverse suction. (GREG nods.) (Quick CGI POV to the drink in the glass. The eye drop bottle is squeezed to put liquid into the drink, the tip makes contact with the liquid and part of that liquid goes back into the eye drop bottle. Camera close up of the eye bottle tip. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Warrick: His drink in her eyedrops; her eyedrops in his drinks. Greg: Dr. Edmund Locard would be proud. Warrick: Well, we got a bonded bartender, eye in the sky, other waitresses. How the hell did she get that into his drink without anyone seeing? Grissom: Aye. There's the rub. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (GRISSOM is looking at the list of the Product Drink by Server List. A Mozart Aria playing in the background.) (SARA walks in and turns the stereo-player off. GRISSOM looks up.) Sara: What do you got? Grissom: Suspicious waitress. Standard protocol for ordering drinks -- the sodas, then mixed drinks, then beers. First five rounds, she ordered correctly. The last round, however she ordered Doyle's whiskey sour first. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Nadine: You can't pin this on me. Brass: Sure, we can. You put your eyedrops in Doyle Pfeiffer's drink. That's what killed him. Nadine: (chuckling): My eyedrops. Look, you saw the way it works. I didn't have time. Grissom: You made the time. (Quick flashback to the night Nadine ordered the drinks at the bar.) Nadine: Whiskey sour, decaf, bottled water, beer. Bartender: Come on, Nadine. Order your drinks in the right order, okay? I'm swamped. Nadine: Just give them to me. I am, too. (The BARTENDER hands NADINE the Whiskey Sour and she takes it off the bar where she adds the eyedrops to it.) (White flash to End of flashback. Resume to GRISSOM.) Grissom: You changed the order of your drinks and the switch-up gave you ... opportunity. Brass: So, let's talk motive. Nadine: You want motive? Warrick: Yes. Nadine: He was a "Stiff". I gave him a standard eyedrop shooter. I was trying to give the guy diarrhea, not kill him. Doyle sat at my table night after night and never even so much as tosses me one of those piddly-ass candies of his my way. In my line of work, there are two kinds of tippers: The "Georges" and the "Stiffs." Matt was a "George"; Doyle was a "Stiff". Now, if you want to charge me with conspiracy of trying to make a guy crap his pants then fine, go ahead. I'm guilty. But I didn't kill him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO LAB] (GRISSOM and SARA walk to the lab.) Grissom: So, the kid gets the pot but he doesn't get the reputation. Sara: Server's revenge. Grissom: Yeah, that's what she said. Sara: A pissed-off waitress and a rounder with a bullet in him it could be a lethal combination. Warrick: Got that tox report back. (WARRICK hands the test results to GRISSOM.) Grissom: Basophillic stippling? (GRISSOM leans in to look at the microscope. Quick POV to the microscope shows red blood cells with white splotches on them. Cut back to present.) Sara: Well, that can't be. Coarse basophillic stippling only occurs from massive infusions of lead. (GRISSOM looks up from the microscope.) Warrick: Yeah, and according to the tox report the bullet in his leg wasn't degraded enough to account for the amount of lead in his body. Grissom: So where'd the rest of the lead come from? HARD CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB] (NICK enters the lab. BOBBY DAWSON is working on the bullet NICK brought in.) Nick: What do you got, Bobby? Bobby Dawson: Yo, got your bullet. You pulled this out of a CRX, huh? Nick: Yeah. Bobby Dawson: Well, it's a lead core of a bullet. Looks like a ... medium caliber, just mangled upon impact. Can't get any stria, so, uh ... ... test firing the suspect's weapon's a waste of time. Nick: Great, so it's useless. Bobby Dawson: Well, I don't know. Take a look at the tip there. (NICK looks at the bullet through the lighted magnifying glass. The bullet tip is blunted and there are visible glass particles stuck to the tip.) Nick: Bullet's got splinters. Light glass, tinted glass. Thanks, Bobby. (NICK slaps BOBBY DAWSON on the shoulder and leaves.) Bobby Dawson: Yeah, sure thing. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (GRISSOM, WARRICK, SARA and GREG sit around the table. Each has some playing cards either in front of them or in their hand. Across the room in the deceased's set, the television set plays the security camera tape of the poker game. They're reconstructing the events of the game that night.) Grissom: Okay, the last hand. I'm Doyle, I've been sitting in the same chair for thirteen hours. Here comes the cocktail waitress. She serves me my drink. (GRISSOM pauses the tape at 03:02:14:00.) Grissom: Flashes me then she looks at Matt. Sara: Question is, why? (The tape resumes.) Warrick: Let's not forget the eyedrops are already in the drink; maybe she's giving him a signal. Greg: Yeah, maybe they're working together. Grissom: It's irrelevant. We've been chasing eyedrops to death. We're looking for lead. Greg: Well, maybe the lead came from the glasses. Lead crystal. Warrick: Yeah, in a casino? Picture that. Sara: Already tested them. Negative. (GRISSOM puts a piece of choco-bee into his mouth and takes a bite. On video tape, DOYLE PFEIFFER does the same. GRISSOM makes a connection.) (Without a word, he stands and leaves the table.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO THE BALLISTICS LAB] Catherine: So, I looked into Rita Del Nagro's death. The accident report says hit-and-run. It was a two-car collision. It's still open. An arrest was made, but the suspect was released due to insufficient evidence. Now, guess his name. Nick: Jace Felder? Catherine: Gives Tony Del Nagro plenty of motive. He lost his mother. Wanted revenge. (NICK and CATHERINE reach the Ballistics lab and start to put their head gear on.) Nick: Maybe, but why try to gun down Felder he in the middle of a street race? Catherine: Well, if it looks like an accident the investigation would be abbreviated.. Bobby Dawson: All right, stand back, y'all. Catherine: No full-on autopsy the bullet could go undetected. (BOBBY DAWSON aims the gun and yells.) Bobby Dawson: Firing! (He fires the gun at a partial simulation of the driver in a car between two sheets of car glass, both of a different tint. He extracts the bullet and examines it.) Bobby Dawson: Bullet's nose picked up trace of both windows. Just like the one recovered from Jace Felder's car. Catherine: You guys rock. (BOBBY DAWSON laughs.) Catherine: So, we know the bullet can make the shot ... let's go see if the driver can. (CATHERINE looks over at NICK and smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRENCHMAN AIR FIELD -- DAY] (CATHERINE and NICK walk away from the Tahoe to the two racing cars waiting for them. They're both dressed in jumpsuits, CATHERINE in a red jumpsuit and NICK in a black jumpsuit. CATHERINE checks her pistol. NICK watches.) Technician: You're all set. Catherine: Hey, thanks, we'll take care of them for you. (NICK puts on his helmet.) Nick: Hey, wait, hang on Cath, give me a test fire, will you? Catherine: Love to. (CATHERINE aims her pistol at NICK'S helmet. NICK stands still as CATHERINE fires. NICK'S car alarm blares. NICK smiles. CATHERINE smiles. NICK reaches into the car and turns the alarm off.) Nick: I wired the target to the car's alarm system. Gotta make sure we hear it. Catherine: Always thinking there, Nicky, aren't ya? (They get into their respective cars and buckle up. CATHERINE puts on her helmet.) Nick: Okay, remember full out the fifth then hit the nitrous and hang on. Catherine: You just try to keep up. (Both drivers rev their engines and start their way down the air strip. As they gain speed, CATHERINE paces NICK'S car. She raises her pistol and takes aim. She paces NICK and fires. NICK'S car alarm blares. NICK slows down and turns off the car alarm. CATHERINE peels past him.) (NICK stops and gets out of his car. CATHERINE stops her car some distance away and gets out of her car. She takes out her helmet and raises her arms in mock victory. NICK smiles.) Catherine: Thank you. Good night! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM conducts an experiment to test his theory. He takes a single piece of Choco-Bees chocolate. The exact same chocolate brand that DOYLE PFEIFFER was eating that night. He cuts it in half. He puts the pieces in a test tube and adds clear liquid to it. The chocolate begins to bubble.) (GRISSOM appears pleased. He takes a sample of the liquid which is now fizzing and puts it in a small glass bottle. He holds the glass bottle up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY] Tony Del Nagro: Jace killed my mom. Everybody knew it. Everybody knew it, and nobody came forward. It was a street race. Jace's car just slammed right into us. (Quick flashback to RITA DEL NAGRO and TONY DEL NAGRO in the car. Headlights beam at them, the sound of a car speeding fast approaching them. RITA DEL NAGRO ducks and screams. White flash to end of flashback. Resume to TONY DEL NAGRO.) Tony Del Nagro: Killed my mom instantly. He just plowed right into us. Kept going. Catherine: You were in the car. Why didn't you just tell the police? Tony Del Nagro: Because I didn't know it was Jace. I found out later on that it was a street racer. Nick: And you weren't? Tony Del Nagro: Not at the time, no. So I went to a couple of events and hooked into the world. I found out within one hour who killed her. Nick: So, let me get this strait. You decide to become one of them. You buy a car with your mother's death benefit toss your hat in the ring and wait for your shot. (TONY DEL NAGRO doesn't say anything. He looks at NICK. CATHERINE shakes her head.) Catherine: Revenge is best served cold. (Quick flashback to the night of the race. TONY DEL NAGRO is driving the car and just as CATHERINE had done, he raises his gun while pacing himself with JACE FELDER. He fires. The glass between the two cars shatters. JACE FELDER'S car goes out of control, hits the ramp and hits the ground scattering pieces everywhere. TONY DEL NAGRO doesn't stop. He keeps on going. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Tony Del Nagro: I never stopped. I just kept going. Never looked back. Nick: (o.s.) Took his title and then took him down. (TONY DEL NAGRO looks at NICK.) Tony Del Nagro: He took my mother's life so I took his. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (GRISSOM puts a potted plant in the center of the table. He's wearing an apron over his clothes and is holding a spray bottle. WARRICK and SARA walk into GRISSOM'S office.) Warrick: What's up, Griss? Grissom: Did you guys know that seventy percent of the world's chocolate is produced in West Africa? Warrick: Really? Grissom: Yeah. The Ivory Coast, Ghana, Nigeria, and Cameroon. Sara: No, I, uh, didn't know that. Grissom: Doyle Pfeiffer didn't know either. Chocolate comes from cocoa plants, but in West Africa, the cars still use leaded gas. So when the exhaust fumes disperse into the atmosphere ... and it rains ... It pours lead. (For visual effect, GRISSOM sprays the plant with the water. And like a light spray of rain, it falls onto the plant. SARA takes a seat.) Sara: Like acid rain. Warrick: Whatever's in the atmosphere gets into the soil, gets into the cocoa plants. Capillary action. (WARRICK sits down.) Grissom: Then the cocoa's harvested, processed, refined, sold into bulk, and eventually ... Sara: Choco-bees. (Quick flashback to the video tape of DOYLE PFEIFFER popping in a piece of chocolate on a couple of different flashes. End of flashback. Resume to GRISSOM.) Grissom: Doyle Pfeiffer's nickname was the "Candyman." He got that name the night he won the World Championship in '86. Warrick: Well, if he had those chocolates with him in '86 he's had them every night since. His lucky charm. Grissom: By my calculations he might have consumed up to a pound of chocolate a night for sixteen years. Warrick: Wow. That would explain all the lead in him. Grissom: Ultimately the tetrahydrozoline in the eyedrops triggered it, but essentially, it was ... death by chocolate. (Camera holds on GRISSOM.)	Plan: A: one; Q: How many street racers are found dead? A: an abandoned airstrip; Q: Where was the driver found dead? A: Grissom; Q: Who investigates the death of a poker player? A: a poker player; Q: Who died in a high-stakes game? A: a violent convulsion; Q: What caused the death of a poker player? A: things; Q: What isn't what they seem? Summary: Catherine and Nick investigate street racing after one of the drivers is found dead out in the desert at an abandoned airstrip. Back in town, Grissom and his crew look into the death of a poker player who suffered a violent convulsion in the middle of a high-stakes game with three others. As always, things aren't what they seem.
Skyline: The sun rises over the city. ACT I [Scene 1 - KACL Frasier is discussing the state of his show with Kenny.] Frasier: Kenny, this is not amateur hour. My show is already suffering enough just losing Roz. I will not let you replace her with a complete novice. Kenny: Come on, don't you remember when you were a young whippersnapper with nothing but a pantload of talent and a headful of dreams? Frasier: [pauses] Are we still talking about Noel? [We see that Noel is in Roz's usual place with headphones on. Roz is standing behind him.] Noel: Five seconds to launch, Dr. Crane. [Kenny takes the opportunity to exit. Frasier sits at the console.] Frasier: Yeah. [He puts on his headphones.] Good afternoon, Seattle, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. Before we get to our first call, I'd like to remind you that we are losing our beloved producer, Roz Doyle in a couple of weeks to another career opportunity. Roz: [jumping in, to the microphone in front of Noel] That's KPXY, the Mighty Pixy, Seattle's more exciting talk, Whoo-hoo! Frasier: [glares at Roz] In the meantime, we have with us today Noel Shempsky, a KACL employee whose sole qualification for this job seems to be that he has never taken a sick day. Noel: Good afternoon, listeners, near and stars away. Our first query comes from a Class M planet we call Earth, and appears to be personal in nature. [Frasier is putting his head in his palms and drumming his fingers.] Oh, and his name is Glen. Frasier: [drumming the console with his knuckles] Go ahead, Glen, I'm listening. Roz: [to Noel] Okay, Noel, that was good, but you need to tell Frasier the name of the caller, the town they're calling form, and why they're calling. Noel: Okay. [rising] You know, maybe I would learn more if you sat down behind me and guided my hands, like they did in Ghost. [Roz has taken a seat in the chair. Noel attempts to sit on her lap, misses, and falls down to the floor.] Roz: Ooh! Noel!! [She recoils in disgust.] [Julia enters Roz's booth from the outside as Noel is in this compromising position. He has now turned to face Roz and is on his knees.] Noel: Oh, hi Julia! Roz: Do you mind? I'm trying to show Noel what I do. Julia: [wryly] Is that why he's on his knees? [Julia walks through the door to Frasier and sits next to him.] Roz: Get up. Now let me give you some pointers on call screening. Your first priority are your leapers and jumpers. Next up, angry people, they're great energy and a welcome change from our largest group, the sad sacks. The trick of it is, you want to arrange these calls so that each segment is "can't miss" radio. Noel: I thought it was just about Frasier doing good work. Roz: Please, it's all about ratings! If the station had its way, every call would end in an auto-erotic suicide. Frasier: Thank you, Roz, now that Seattle knows how we do things around here, perhaps you could let Noel know to keep his elbow off the mic button. [Noel quickly moves his elbow, which he has been leaning on the console. Julia and Frasier snicker at Roz and Noel. Fade out.] [Scene 2 - Frasier's apartment Frasier and Roz are seated at the dining table doing paperwork. Martin is in his chair.] Frasier: Oh, Roz, do you realize this is the last time we'll do paperwork together? Roz: [flatly] Yeah, it's really sad. Martin: What exactly is the new job, Roz? Roz: Program director. Martin: Ooh, now that's a job. Let me give you a piece of advice. Less smut and more older-people shows. Roz: Yeah, I know, Martin, but that's not exactly what they're going for. Martin: You could have a show about owning dogs, or how about this: A show where people just call in with jokes they've heard. That'd be a riot. Frasier: I think they're looking for a wider audience than just you, Dad. Martin: Lots of people would be interested in that sort of thing. Roz: Yeah, but the advertisers are looking for the young dollars. Martin: What's wrong with my money? Roz: You don't spend it all on fast food and beer. Martin: Yes, I do! [rising] You know, I'm tired of society blowing me off just because I'm a senior citizen. You know, one day we're going to rise and take this country back from you young smart alecks. And it won't be pretty either. [He begins to exit.] Roz: I could mention the joke idea to my boss. Martin: You just bought yourself a little more time. [He exits.] Frasier: Well, here it is, Roz, the final parking requisition form. The end of an era. Listen, I know that Kenny is giving you a going- away dinner, but I wanted to have a little celebratory dinner, just the two of us, all right? Any night you're free. Roz: Well, Niles and Daphne are watching Alice. How about tonight? Frasier: [rising] Well, actually I'm-I'm meeting Julia later. Roz: [rising] Why would you want to do that? Frasier: [walking behind the couch] Well, we've sort of been seeing each other lately. Roz: [truly shocked] You and Julia?! She's a total bitch. Frasier: Now, Roz, if you took the time to get to know her, you'd see that she's really not such a bad person. Roz: Like get to know her naked, you mean. Frasier: [with irritation] No. I think she's been misjudged. Sure, she's got a lot of walls up, but there must be something good inside if it needs that much protection. Roz: Well, there are walls around prisons, too. [She gets ready to leave.] Frasier: Yes, Roz, your opinion has been noted. Roz: [as she exits with her briefcase] There are walls around insane asylums, cholera wards... Frasier: [holding the door] Thank you, Roz. Roz: ...nuclear facilities, gator farms. Frasier: All right, shut up. [She exits. He closes the door. Fade out.] [Scene 3 - Niles's and Daphne's apartment at the Montana Daphne is seated on a chair next to the fainting couch, wearing a pink boa and looking casual and relaxed. Alice is chasing Niles. She tags him.] Alice: Got you! Niles: [playing] Ooh! Alice: Now you chase me! Niles: [winded] Oh, no, I think it's Daphne's turn. Daphne: Oh, no, I just had four turns in a row. But you know who does want a turn? The TV! [She grabs Alice and seats her in front of the entertainment center.] Come on, your video's all cued up. [She sighs with relief and returns to her chair.] Niles: Should we really be plopping her in front of the tube? Daphne: It's an educational tape. Did you want to read her more Jung for Jungsters? Niles: She doesn't seem to respond to it. Perhaps that's a treat we'll save for our own child. When will that be? When are we going to have a child of our own? Daphne: Oh, I don't know, when we're ready. Niles: Yes, we always say that, but how will we know when we're ready? I mean, if it were just me, I'm ready right now. Daphne: I just don't feel like we're quite there yet. Niles: Well, what has to change? [At this point, Gertrude Moon walks in the front door.] Gertrude: What's this little brat doing here? Make sure it don't make any noise. [She exits upstairs.] Daphne: Maybe it's me biorhythms. Niles: [laughing] Daphne, might this have something to do with your mother living with us? [As he says this, he moves from the fainting couch to the coffee table to face Daphne. He sits on one of Alice's toys, which squeaks. He and Daphne laugh as he removes it.] Daphne: Well, I've always thought in the back of my head that we'd start a family after she left. Niles: But that doesn't have to stop us from getting pregnant. And once we are, we've got nine months to get her out of the house. Daphne: Are you kidding? If she found out there's a grandchild on the way, she'd never leave. And I don't think I could take Mum and morning sickness at the same time. Niles: [lovingly] Oh the other hand, a grandmother can be a wonderful influence on a child. [Gertrude re-enters from the stairway.] Gertrude: Alice...you help Auntie Gert find her cigarettes, and you can have one. [She smiles and walks to the kitchen. Daphne smiles knowingly at Niles, who chuckles. Fade out.] AND LEAVE ALL THIS? [Scene 4 - An elegant dining room. It is Roz's going-away party. Kenny, Frasier, Noel, Bulldog, Gil, Julia, and others are present.] Kenny: [standing and tapping a glass with a spoon] I think now would be a good time if anyone wants to stand up and say a few words to Roz. I know I'll miss her, which is why I'm proud to present her with this picture of the two of us at the last company picnic. [He hands her a 4X6 snapshot.] Won't that baby look nice in a frame? Enjoy. [Kenny pats her on the shoulder and sits down. Noel rises.] Noel: I'm next. [Noel pulls out a page, which he unfolds and from which he then reads.] Noel: "Sweetest Roz, you are my ship when I'm at sea, my fairest rose, my fantasy. With each sunrise my thanks I send, for you, my love, my true best friend." [Roz seems genuinely touched by Noel's speech. Bulldog makes faces while Noel is reading. After he finishes, most attendees are polite and say "Nice," etc. Bulldog reacts quite differently.] Bulldog: Puke! Noel: That was beautiful, you son of a b. Bulldog: [rising] Okay, everyb...[Noel is in his face.] Sit down. Sit down, Noel, sit down! Okay, everybody, Bulldog to the rescue. Now, I don't want to say Roz has had a lot of sx, but she's spent more time on her back than King Tut. [Frasier, Julia, Kenny, and Roz all have stunned looks on their faces.] Did you hear the story about the guy at KACL who didn't have sx with Roz? Me neither. But, uh, seriously--what's the difference between Roz and a dog in heat? [Frasier covers his face.] No, really, I'm asking. [uncomfortable pause] You people suck! Frasier: It's not a roast, Bulldog. Bulldog: It's not? I paid a guy at the Chuckle Factory 50 bucks to write jokes for me. Gil: When's he getting here? Bulldog: Okay, okay, you want a speech? Best of luck in your new job, Roz. [She smiles and raises her glass to him.] If you ever need a sports guy, I'm your man. And I wouldn't have any problem with you being my boss. After all, I know what it feels like to be underneath you. Am I right? Noel: [rising angrily to confront Bulldog] Watch what you SAY ABOUT HER!! [Frasier restrains Noel. Bulldog rushes away from him.] Frasier: Noel! Come on. Walk it off, Noel, walk it off. Gil: Careful, gents! Really, the way you two are always carrying on, people are going to start talking. [He grins cheesily and rises.] Hello, all. Gil Chesterton here, with a toast to Roz Doyle. Frasier: Hear, hear. Gil: A wonderful co-worker, and a good friend. All: Hear, hear. Gil: Of course, I too noticed Roz's s*x appeal immediately. She had the same effect on all of us stallions in the KACL corral. She made us want to paw the ground and rise up on our powerful haunches [becoming more passionate], fetlocks glistening. Smokey, Misty, Storm! Away! [Gil downs his entire glass. His overwrought "heterosexuality" has made everybody uncomfortable.] Kenny: Okay, bar's closed. Gil? [Kenny whistles and motions for Gil to sit, which he does.] Kenny: Uh, Julia, your turn. Julia: [taken a bit by surprise, but very sincerely] Oh! Uh, well, I've only known Roz a short time, but I can see that she's a valuable member of this team, and I'm sure you'll be missed. Good luck. [This is the most sincere and respectful speech yet. Given the source, all are surprised. All raise their glasses. Frasier rises.] Frasier: Well said, well said. Roz...I celebrate your new adventure with you, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that this is a big loss for me. You were there on my first day at KACL, and you took me under your wing. Bulldog: [grinning] It's crowded under there. Noel: [menacingly whispering to Bulldog] I will kill you! [Bulldog moves a bit away. Roz smiles uncomfortably.] Frasier: [continuing] I don't think I'll ever grow accustomed to seeing somebody else in your booth. And certainly noone else can ever take your place in our hearts. And while we welcome new friends... [He places his arm on Julia's shoulder and looks at her with affection. Roz has a reaction of discerinble pain when she sees this.]...we are sad to say good-bye to old ones. Good luck, Roz. All: Hear, hear! Speech! Come on, Roz, speech! Roz: [rising and clearing throat] Thanks you guys. [She sees Julia comfortably resting her arm on Frasier's shoulder.] I just love you all for doing this for me. We really are like a family, aren't we? You know, this job at KPXY is a really great, great opportunity. But it'll never be like this. Which is why I'm changing my mind. I can't leave KACL, I'm staying! Kenny: Really! [He hugs her. Others react similarly. All applaud. Frasier rises and gives Roz a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Julia applauds with the rest, but the look on her face is uncomfortable and suspicious. Fade out.] END OF ACT I ACT II [Scene 5 - Cafe Nervosa Frasier and Roz approach the counter, where Gertrude is working.] Frasier: [into his phone] Thank you very much. [hanging up his phone] Oh. Mrs. Moon, we'd like to get two double lattes to go, please. Gertrude: [smiling] For an extra dollar, I can add a nip of brandy. Frasier: Is that on the menu? Gertrude: [pulling a whiskey bottle from her blouse] It's on the secret menu. Frasier: I'll pass, thank you. Roz: You know, Frasier, I feel so invigorated to get back to my old job. Frasier: Oh, Roz... Roz: In fact. I'd really like to record some promos tonight if you're available. Frasier: Oh, I can't. I'm taking Julia to the movies. One of my favorites, Noch Einen Stuhl. Roz: Noch Einen Stuhl? Frasier: Yes, it's the story of a 19th-century Austrian family as told from the point of view of an old fireside armchair. Roz: I'm sorry, I dozed off, what were you saying? Frasier: [after giving her a look] You know what, I've got to get an alternative newspaper to check show times. I'll be right back. Gertrude: [bringing their order] Here we are. [Frasier's cell phone, which he has left on the counter, rings.] Gertrude: Your phone's ringing. Roz: Oh, it's not mine, it's Frasier's. [The phone continues to ring. Roz checks the caller ID and drops the phone.] Roz: Ooh! It's Julia. Gertrude: Who's that? Roz: This witch who's trying to get her hooks into Frasier. [enunciating to the phone] I hate her. Gertrude: I'll fix her. [Gertrude answers the phone.] Roz: Wh-what are you doing? Gertrude: [waving Roz off, talking to the phone in a "seductive" voice] Hello. [pause] Oh, I'm sorry, Frasier's in no position to talk, if you, uh, get my meaning. Who's this, then? Hold on. [She holds the phone at a short distance.] Sweetheart? Do you want to talk to a Julia? [giggling girlishly] Oh! Frasier, put me down! [normal voice] Sorry, he's not here after all. Bye, now. [She hangs up quickly.] There. Problem solved. Roz: You know, you probably ruined their entire evening. How can I thank you? [Frasier returns, grabbing his phone.] Frasier: Only one showing of Noch Einen Stuhl tonight. Got to go by the box office and pick up the tickets. Roz: [sarcastically] Yes, I bet they're going fast. [They head to the exit, and run into Niles and Daphne, who are coming in.] Daphne: Hello! Frasier: Oh, sorry! Wish we could join you guys. I'm going to get tickets for Noch Einen Stuhl! Niles: [checking his watch] Cutting it a little close, aren't you? [Frasier and Roz exit. Niles and Daphne approach a table.] Daphne: Hey, Mum! Whan you finish your shift, we'll drive you home. Gertrude: Really? Are you sure it wouldn't give you more pleasure to see me walk home on my bloody stumps? Daphne: Well, it would, but we're in a hurry. Niles: We'll, uh, we'll be here when you're ready. [They observe a mother with an infant in a carrier.] Daphne: Oh, Niles... Niles: Oh... Daphne: Just think, one day we'll have one of those. Niles: Yes, just one awkward chore to get out of the way. Daphne: Well, that's romantic. Niles: I meant asking your mother to move out. Daphne: We're not asking her, Niles, we're telling her! Niles: I know, I know. Daphne: You have to be firm. Niles: Yes. Daphne: This is a woman who came for a week and stayed for a year and a half. Niles: Yes, I know, I just think that-- Daphne: It's not like she's got no place to go. She's got seven other children! Niles: I know. Daphne: Plus a home and friends in England. Niles: Many friends, yes, I just, I...I just don't know how to break it to her. Daphne: Well, the sooner we do, the sooner we can start our own family. Niles: You're right. Do you realize, this time next year we could be sitting here with our own baby? Gertrude: [overhearing as she walks by] Baby? What's this, then? Daphne: We'll talk about it later. Gertrude: I want to talk about it now. What's going on? Daphne: Well, I was going to wait until later, but if you really want to know, we-- Niles: Wait, wait, Daphne, Daphne. [clears throat] We've decided to start trying to get pregnant. Gertrude: Oh, well, I'm glad you think you can. I was beginning to think there might be something wrong with your equipment, Niles. Niles: [this is the motivation he needs] Oh, were you? Well, here's more news: you're out of the house, so go pack your bags and find another sucker. [Gertrude reacts. Julia has entered and stands behind her.] Julia: Excuse me. Can I get some service over here? Gertrude: Keep your knickers on. Don't move. We're not done hashing this through. [She goes behind the counter and changes her attitude to take Julia's order.] Gertrude: [in the "singsong" voice she used to answer Frasier's phone] Hello! Julia: [recognizing the voice, and suspiciously imitating it] Hello! Gertrude: [again singsong] Hello! Julia: Say that again. Gertrude: [singsong] Hello? Julia: Now say, "Frasier's in no position to talk, if you get my meaning." Gertrude: [immediately giving in] Now, it was all Roz's idea. I had no choice. I'm not a well woman. [She exits to the back. Julia reacts. Fade out.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene 6 - KACL Julia enters the studio and confronts her.] Julia: Hello, Roz. Roz: Julia. Julia: [closing the door] I just talked to that waitress over at Nervosa. The one that answered Frasier's phone? She gave you up immediately. Roz: [forcing laughter] Relax? It was just a joke. Julia: Okay. So what's going on? Do you have some sort of problem with me seeing Frasier? Roz: Well, as long as you're asking...I think you're all wrong for him. Julia: That's not your call. Roz: I think I know Frasier a little better than you. [Roz walks back to her booth. Julia, clearly deeply offended and hurt, but remaining calm, follows her.] Julia: So? Roz: So...he deserves someone better. Someone who'll appreciate him. Julia: [barely keeping her cool] Oh, really? Roz: Yeah. Frasier's a good guy. He's smart and sweet and way too good for you. Why don't you just leave? Nobody here likes you anyway. Julia: [stoically] Frasier seems to. Roz: Well, he's an idiot. Julia: Are you trying to save Frasier from me or are you trying to save him for yourself? Roz: Are you out of your mind? Julia: [genuinely] Are you in love with him? Roz: Go to hell, Julia! Julia: That would explain why you turned down that great job. Roz: [faltering] That is not true. [At this point, Noel, Gil, Kenny, and Bulldog have all gathered at the window and begun to observe the confrontation.] Julia: Then stay out of my way. Roz: Or what? Julia: Do you want to find out? Roz: What, are you going to hit me or something? Julia: Don't think I won't. Roz: Well, you're sure taking your time. [Others have joined the foursome at the window. Julia and Roz both shoot them an angry glance, and they quickly turn away their faces.] Roz: Stay away from him? Got it? [Julia retains her calm but cool composure. Roz exits the booth and chases away the voyeurs.] Roz: Get out of here! [They quickly disperse. Julia remains standing in the booth, contemplating what has just transpired. Fade out.] [Scene 7 - Niles and Daphne's apartment Gertrude is standing in the doorway, nicely dressed and surrounded by her luggage.] Gertrude: Well, I guess this is goodbye. Um, I just want you to know, I love you both very much, and I'm, you know, looking forward to standing on my own two feet again. [Niles and Daphne nod without emotion.] Gertrude: Uh, thank you for the ticket and the luggage and the clothes and the spending money. [gasping] I'm sorry. This is just so sad. Niles: [caving] Gertrude, are you sure you're okay... Daphne: [interrupting, bluntly and without emotion] Good-bye, Mum, have a nice trip. Say hello to everyone in Manchester for me. Gertrude: Right, then. [She kisses Daphne on the cheek.] Good-bye, Niles. [She embraces him.] I know you'll be a wonderful father to my grandchild. I hope you'll find time to send me a picture. Niles: [caving again] Can't we all just talk-- Daphne: [interrupting] We have your address. Gertrude: I'm off. [She exits. Her whole demeanor has changed in this exchange. She has been less abrasive and more sincere.] Niles: [barely containing himself] Bye. [Daphne closes the door.] Niles: Oh, Daphne, you were wonderful. I don't know how you did it. [Daphne suddenly breaks down in a fit of uncontrollable sobs.] Daphne: Hold me, Niles. [They embrace. She continues to weep.] Niles: Hang on, hang on. [yelling] Gertrude! [He opens the door. She is standing right there, sobbing uncontrollably.] Gertrude: Yes? Niles: Come here, come here. [She enters the apartment.] Niles: Would you be willing to stay in Seattle if, say, you had your own apartment? Daphne: [breathlessly] Oh, Niles! Gertrude: Do you really mean that? I mean, I don't want to intrude. Niles: Well, of course I mean it. And-and-and we'd even help with the rent. Gertrude: [beginning to return to her old self] Define "help." Niles: We'll talk. Gertrude: Well, then, it's settled. I'll just go tell the taxi I'm not going! Niles: No, no, no. You're going. Just tell them to take you to the Four Seasons. I'll go ahead and call and book you a room. Gertrude: You've made me so happy, I think I'm going to cry! [She embraces Niles. He laughs nervously. Daphne smiles lovingly.] Gertrude: Niles, I...I don't know how to thank you. [She exits. Niles closes the door.] Daphne: [warmly] I do. [She leads Niles away by the hand. Fade out.] [Scene 8 - Frasier's apartment Martin answers the door to Roz.] Roz: Hey, Martin. Martin: Hi, Roz. Come in. Roz: Is Frasier here? I really need to talk to him. Martin: No, he went out for dinner. Roz: Oh, let me guess: Julia. Martin: [a bit shocked] Wow! Not a fan, huh? Roz: I can't stand her actually. Martin: Really? [chuckling] Well, I just met her this evening, but she seemed nice to me. [Martin moves to sit in his chair.] Roz: [sitting on the coffee table] Well, that's because she's got you snowed. She's a mean, snooty tight-ass who thinks she's better than everybody else, and Frasier's making a giant mistake and somebody's got to do something about it. Martin: Well, good luck, when Frasier's heart takes over his brain shuts out. Roz: That's why we have to do something now, before this relationship gets any closer. Will you help me? Martin: [tentatively] Well, Roz, if you feel that strongly about it, sure, I'll back you up. [Frasier and Julia enter. Julia is carrying a cake box.] Frasier: Oh, hi guys! Martin: Hey! Frasier: Hi, Roz! Julia: Hello, Roz. Nice to see you. Roz: Julia. Julia: [enthusiastically] Martin, I've brought you some cake from the restaurant. Martin: Restaurant cake? [He begins to get up.] Roz: Steady... Julia: [from the kitchen entry] It's chocolate. Why don't I cut you a slice and pour you some milk? Martin: [standing, to Roz] New plan. I'll distract her while you talk to Frasier. [Martin follows Julia into the kitchen. Frasier returns from the coat racks.] Frasier: What's going on, Roz? I didn't expect to see you tonight. Roz: Well, um, I have something really important to talk to you about, and I really need you to listen to me. Frasier: Well, absolutely, that's what I do. [Frasier sits on the arm of Martin's chair, Roz on the coffee table.] Roz: I really, really, really think you should stop seeing Julia. Frasier: Look, I know you two have your difficulties. Roz: [cutting him off] No! It's not that. She's all wrong for you. Frasier: [after a pause] I think I see what's going on here. You and I have a close relationship. A new woman comes to the radio station. She and I form a close relationship, and you feel threatened. Roz: No. She's evil. [Frasier is taken aback.] It's not your fault. You can't see it because she puts on an act around you. Frasier: Did it ever occur to you that maybe she's putting on an act for everybody else, and that maybe I see her as she really is? Roz: Oh, she's got you totally brainwashed. Frasier: Roz, you have no right to come over here and run her down to me. It's really none of your business. Roz: This is my business! Frasier: And why? Roz: Because...we're friends. [She suddenly becomes quite passionate.] I can't believe you're turning on me like this! I gave up a job that was ten times better to stay on your show! Frasier: Yes, and frankly, I don't understand that! Why exactly did you turn down that job? [They both rise.] Roz: Out of loyalty to you! Frasier: Loyalty to me? Are you sure? Are you sure it wasn't just fear? Are you sure you're not just using me as an excuse not to grow and move on? [Julia enters from the kitchen.] Julia: [cheerily] Who wants restaurant cake? [Frasier turns to her uncomfotably.] Roz: You're going to have to choose, Frasier. Frasier: [angrily] You will not put me in this position, Roz. We will discuss it later! Roz: [shouting] No! Tell me! [pointing] It's her or me! Tell me now, or I swear to God I will walk out of here and I will not come back! [Frasier is clearly angered and offended that Roz has presented him with such a choice. He glares at her and walks to Julia's side.] Frasier: Thank you, Julia, I think I will have some cake. [Again he glares at Roz.] Roz: [stunned, weakly] Fine. [She picks up her purse and exits dramatically. Julia faces Frasier and comforts him with what seems to be real affection. Fade out.] [Scene 9 - KPXY studio The station manager, Woody Wizwell, is showing Roz her office.] Wiswell: And this will be your office, Ms. Doyle. Make yourself at home. Roz: Thank you, Mr. Wiswell. Wiswell: Uh, there's no chance you'll change your mind again, is there? [Roz is setting up at her desk.] Roz: No. KACL is ancient history. Wiswell: Good. [He exits. Roz continues to set up her desk, but she is clearly deeply troubled. Fade out.] Credits THANKS FOR CALLING! The faces of some of this season's guest callers are shown: Billy Bean, Charles Busch, Laura Linney, Bill Paxton, and Bradley Whitford. NB: The "Thanks for Calling" credits have been used for seasons 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, and 10. Season 7 ended with a major cliffhanger, and the device would have been appropriate, but due to a lack of guest callers that season, NBC ran a promo after the one-hour finale both in its first-run and rerun appearances. In syndication, the credits for "Something Borrowed, Someone Blue" run over a shot of Frasier's empty apartment. Season Five was another cliffhanger, but the finale of "Sweet Dreams" famously presents "Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs" in Spanish and a salsa style while Frasier cleans out his office at the station. This is the only time that the theme has not been sung by Kelsey Grammer. Season Eight also had a cliffhanger, but again, a dearth of guest callers. The credit sequence for that finale, "Cranes Go Caribbean," referred to a Niles/Daphne subplot. Season One had the waitress again fixing Frasier's coffee after "My Coffee With Niles." "Thanks for Calling" seemed to become standard after season two, then disappear for a couple of seasons, but now it has been re-established. The season finales of 1, 2, 3, and 6 could be classified as "closure" rather than "cliffhanger" with Frasier spontaneously boarding a plane. Now aren't you glad I gave you that convenient (or possibly useless) little season finale compendium? :)	Plan: A: KACL; Q: What station is Roz preparing to leave? A: program director; Q: What job is Roz preparing to leave KACL to take? A: her replacement; Q: What is Noel supposed to be? A: Frasier; Q: Who is forming a new relationship with Julia? A: much confidence; Q: What does Frasier not have in Noel's decision to replace Roz? A: her mind; Q: What does Roz change at the leaving party? A: Julia; Q: Who does Frasier choose over Roz? A: a mismatch; Q: Why does Roz feel uncomfortable about Frasier's new relationship with Julia? A: the reasoning; Q: What does Julia not find convincing about Roz's new relationship with Frasier? A: Niles; Q: Who convinces Daphne's mother to live in her own apartment? A: their own family; Q: What are Niles and Daphne dreaming of starting? A: her mother; Q: Who is Daphne determined to get rid of before she and Niles start a family? A: her own apartment; Q: Where does Daphne's mother move to after Daphne's mother leaves? Summary: Roz is preparing to leave KACL to take a job as program director at another station. Noel has been delegated as her replacement, which is not a decision in which Frasier has much confidence. The station organises a leaving party for Roz, at which she becomes so emotional that she changes her mind and decides to stay after all. However, Frasier is now forming a new relationship with Julia, which makes Roz very uncomfortable, and though she claims this is just because it is a mismatch, the reasoning is not convincing to Julia. Meanwhile, Niles and Daphne are dreaming of starting their own family, but Daphne is determined to get rid of her mother before they do. After Daphne's mother leaves, Daphne breaks down in tears and Niles convinces Daphne's mother to live in her own apartment. Roz gives Frasier an ultimatum to choose her or Julia, with Frasier choosing the latter. Heartbroken, Roz quits KACL and takes up her new position.
Jim: The Stamford branch is closing and everybody's just packing up their stuff. Andy Bernard made these tasteful hats. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [to office worker] That's the other thing you got to watch out... [to Jim] Yo! Tuna! I wanna talk to you about this new boss, Michael Scott. Jim: Yeah. Andy: So what's he like? Likes? Dislikes? Favorite sports? Favorite movies? Favorite men's magazines? Jim: You know what? I think you just need to meet him. Andy: Playing your cards close to the vest. I get it. Good luck over there, Tuna. Cross me and I will destroy you. Jim: Sounds good Andy. Karen: This is going to be an adventure. Jim: Yes. This is going to be very interesting. All right, I'm out of here. See you later? Karen: Right on. [to Andy] Hey is that Josh's computer? Andy: What? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey! Toby: Hey. Pam: How'd the run go? Toby: Ah, pretty good. I finished. Pam: That's great! Dwight: Psh, why is that great? Pam: Because he accomplished something. Dwight: What was your mile time? Toby: About seven. Dwight: [scoffs] I could beat that on a skateboard. Toby: Well, that has wheels. Dwight: Yeah, well my feet don't. And I can still crush that time. Pam: Really, Dwight? How fast are you? Dwight: Let's just put it this way. Last weekend I outran a black pepper snake. Pam: Really? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I am fast. To give you a reference point. I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Man, what is taking Toby so long? Pam: Oh, I'll just time him later. Dwight: And you'll compare the times? Pam: Yeah. Are you ready? Dwight: No, my groin... Pam: Set Dwight: ...is really tight. Pam: Go! Dwight: I can't... [starts running] Pam: Am I being mean to Dwight? I don't know. I did just make him run around the building and I have no intention of timing him. This isn't even a stopwatch. It's a digital thermometer. He does make my life harder, sometimes. And on purpose. Like he tried to put meters on the bathroom stalls as a way of bringing in more money for the company. [yells to Dwight] Hey, three more laps to go. Gotta pick it up if you're going to beat Toby. Dwight: Aaaaah! Pam: I should probably get back to work. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Here... Who's here? Dwight: Nametag? Michael: Yes, please. Dwight: Karen Filippelli. Michael: Karen Filip... [In Italian voice] Ka-ren Fili-pell-li. Dwight: Probably Italian. Possibly Filipino. Michael: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: My branch is absorbing the Stamford branch. Or, as I like to put it, my family is doubling in size. That's all I'm going to say about it because I have a gigantic performance ahead of me. And I have to get into my head and focus. [exhales] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Who's next? Dwight: That's Andy Bernard. Michael: Andy Bernard. Dwight: If I were you... Michael: Saint Bernard. Dwight: ...I would fire Anthony Gardner... Michael: What? Dwight: ...before noon... Michael: I'm not... Dwight: ...to consolidate power. Michael: I'm not firing somebody on the first day. Dwight: No, no, no! Not somebody. Gardner. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: The Japanese camp guards of World War II always chose one man to kill whenever a batch of new prisoners arrived. I always wondered how they chose the man who was to die. I think I would have been good at choosing the person. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Good morning! Michael: Got the food? Good! Looky-looky-looky. What I want you to do... set it up in the conference room, please. Make it look nice. As if you are trying to impress a much older man who's way out of your league. Pam: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Yes! I'm in a good mood today! I'm excited to meet all the new people and to see my old friend again, definitely. That's always a thing that makes people happy... to have an old friend back. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannah: Hello? Michael: Ah! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Our first arrival. Welcome to Scranton. This is Hannah Smoterich-Barr. Dwight: Hannah Smoterich-Barr. Michael: Welcome to our humble abode. Follow me to your desk. Your ball and chain is right over here. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know for a lot of these people this is the only family they have. So... As far as I'm concerned, [holds up WORLD'S BEST BOSS mug] this says 'World's Best Dad'. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ah! There he is Tony... what's your last name? Tony: Gardner. Michael: Gardner! I knew that. There you go. Gift bag... for you. [laughs] Okay. Tony: Thanks. Kevin: Michael, I didn't get a gift bag. Michael: Well, they're just for guests. If there are any left over, you can buy one later. Hannah: My bag's mostly pencils. Michael: Wh..and coupons... to various hot spots around Scranton. [to Tony] All right! Let me show you to your area, sir. Come on, big guy. Kevin: Can I have your pencils? Hannah: No. Pam: Hi! Karen: Hi. Pam: I'm Pam. Karen: Karen. I love your sweater. Pam: Oh, thanks. My Mom made it for me. Karen: Really? That's so cool. I've always wanted to learn... Michael: Welcome. Karen: ...to knit. Michael: Welcome, welcome, welcome! [in robot voice] Take me to your leader. Oh wait, I am your leader. Karen: Uh wait, are you a robot or a Martian? Michael: Mmm... dah. I am actually your boss, Michael Scott. Welcome. Wow! You are very exotic looking. Was your dad a G.I. or uh? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I'll be the Number Two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hello. Michael: Ah! You must be Andy Bernard. Aloha and welcome! Andy: And you must be Michael Scott. Aloha and... hello. Michael: A-ha-ha-ho. Very good! Welcome to our little kingdom. Ah, we have a bag of nifty gifties for you. Andy: Michael, thank you for welcoming me to your little kingdom, Mike. Michael: Oh. Andy: Nifty! Michael: They are nifty! They're nifty gifties. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know who I really like? Is this guy Andy Bernard. He has got this very likable way about him. [SCENE_BREAK] Martin: ...which is why they need a passing game. Jim: Right. Michael: [to Jim] No way. Get him out of here. We don't want any of this kind in here. Good to see you, man. Jim: Okay. Michael: [to Martin] How are you? Martin Nash, I presume? This is a little gift bag for you. Martin: Oh! Thanks. Michael: Free of charge. Follow me, I will show you where all the slaves work. [shakes head] Not... so, your desk is... Jim: Hi, I'm Jim. I'm new here. Pam: Oh my god! It's really you! Jim: Yeah, I was just doing a little joke there about how we'd never met... Pam: I know. I don't care. Jim: Awesome! Good to be back. The place looks really good. Pam: It's really good to see you. Jim: You, too. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Where do I stand with Pam? Um... no idea. I mean, we're friends. Always have been friends. Um... .that is where we stand. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in from Stamford. Jim: Hey, Dwight. Dwight: Fact - I am older. I am wiser. Do not mess with me. Jim: Okay. Sounds good. Dwight: What are you doing? Jim: I don't know what you're talking about. Dwight: I have a smudge on my forehead? Jim: No. Looks good. Dwight: Why are you looking at my forehead? Jim: I'm not. Dwight: Meet my eye line, Jim! Jim: I am. Dwight: Stop acting like an idiot! Jim: Okay. Ryan: Hey, buddy. Welcome back. Jim: Hey! How are you man? Good to see... you. Ryan: I'm good! How are you? So... Jim: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you sitting here now? Ryan: Yeah. Jim: Oh. Ryan: Um... unless you really, really want it back. Jim: You know, man, it's really you're call. Ryan: Cool, thank you. Jim: [whispers] Let me get that for you. Ryan: Yuh. Jim: This one taken? No. Good. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Yeah. Jim is a nice guy. That's why I got the desk. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Hey, this came with the Stamford book. [Sets down box that says: Personnel Files Stamford CT Office Confidential] Can you take care of it? Kevin: Oh, yes I can. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: In general, they do not give me much responsibility. But they do let me shred the company documents. And that is really all I need. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Michael Scott. Thank you. I appreciate it, Mike. Michael: Right. Dwight: Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced. Dwight Schrute. Assistant Regional Manager. Andy: Andy Bernard. Regional Director in Charge of Sales. Dwight: So you'll be reporting to me, then. Andy: Umm, on the contrary. Dwight: My title has 'Manager' in it. Andy: And I'm a director. Dwight: Oh. Andy: Which on a film set is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film? Dwight: I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them. Andy: Congratulations. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, Toby! Toby: Hey, Jim! Jim: How are you, man? Toby: Oh, really good. Jim: I just wanted to say hi. Toby: How are you? Hey. Welcome back. [puts out fist to bump] Jim: Oh. Is that like your new thing? Toby: No, I'm sorry, it's... Jim: No. It's cool. Toby: No, it's nothing. We'll just... [shakes hand] Jim: All right. Good to be back. Toby: So... okay. Jim: All right. Toby: All right... sorry... sorry about that. Jim: No problem. Toby: It was just... Jim: [off camera] ...what? Toby: Nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: This thing is so awesome. It will shred anything. Ooh! It will shred a CD. It will shred... a credit card. It will shred... oh! [whispers] Shoot. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [talking to himself] I present the orientation video. Dwight: We need to talk! Michael: Not now. Dwight: Which is higher? Assistant Regional Manager or Regional Director in Charge of Sales? Michael: I told you the titles are irrelevant. They just relate to pay scale. Dwight: Okay. So who gets paid more? Me or Andy? Michael: It is not a matter of more or less. Your pay is just different. Okay? All right! Show time, part one. Dwight: Ok. Who reports to who? Michael: I don't care! Dwight! You all report to me! That's all that matters! The rest of it just work out amongst yourselves, ok? Dwight: And then if I want... Michael: Work it out amongst your selves! Dwight: I... Michael: Please! I have a company to run. Well, you let me run the company? Dwight: I... Michael: Will you? Dwight: One... Michael: Please? [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Jim! Jim: Kelly! Kelly: Oh! Oh my god! I have so much to tell you! Jim: Really? Kelly: Yes! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? They had a baby and they named it Suri. And then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? They had a baby, too, and they named it Shiloh. And both babies are amazing! Jim: Great. What's new with you? Kelly: I just told you. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay. Everybody settled in? Good. Why don't we all proceed in to the conference room? Or, should I say, the banquet hall. For... drum roll, please [makes drum roll noises], the official Merger Day All-Family Welcome Breakfast. Come on in! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yoko shack. Male voice: ...thank you James. [laughs] Meredith: Hey, champagne. Michael: Nope, no. Guests only. Kelly: Looks like salmon. Michael: Nope. Um... for the guests it is. For you, consider it cow-meat. Strictly taboo. Kelly: I eat beef. Michael: Well, then... consider it poisoned beef. No touchy. Kevin: The beef is poisoned? Michael: No, it's not beef... just... sit down, please. [talks to group] Welcome. Help yourself. Toby: Um... You might want these orientation materials. Michael: Wrong. Toby, this is an orientation not a borientation.[talks to group] Okay. Do not worry. All of your questions are about to be answered. Cell phones and pagers off, please. Jim: Oh, this looks promising. Pam: You won't be disappointed. Michael: Let's face it. Moving to a new job can be very stressful. So I have made an orientation video especially for you newcomers. But it's not like any orientation video that any of you have ever seen. It's funny. It's got a little bit of a zing to it and I hope that it gives you a flavor of what we're all about here at Dunder Mifflin. And what we're all about here in Scranton. So let's just all laugh together and watch "Lazy Scranton". [SCENE_BREAK] Video: [Lazy Scranton Video] Michael: Sittin' in my office with a plate of grilled bacon, call my man Dwight just to see what was shakin'. Dwight: Yo Mike, our town is dope and pretty. Michael: So check out how we live Michael & Dwight: in the Electric City! Michael: They call it Scranton. Dwight: What? Michael: The Electric City. Scranton. Dwight: What? Michael: The Electric City. Call poison control if you're bit by a spider. Dwight: But check that it's covered by your health care provider! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: It reminds me of the orientation video showed on my first day. 'The Scranton Witch Project'. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in video] I am so scared... when people don't label their personal food. [SCENE_BREAK] Video: [Lazy Scranton video continues] Michael: You like coal mines and you wanna see 'em, Well, check it out, yo, the Anthracite Museum! Plenty of space in the parking lot, Dwight: But the little cars go in the compact spot Michael and Dwight: Spot, spot, spot, spot ... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on video in background] Spot. Scranton. What? The Electric City. Scranton.What? The Electric City. Scranton. What? Michael: Well, so far, I think it is killin'. I thought it would either be an 'A' or an 'A+' but I completely forgot that there's an 'A++'. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: [recording phone message] This is Karen Filippelli. Please leave a message. Jim: Terrible. Totally unconvincing. Karen: [recording] This is Karen Filippelli. Please leave a message. Jim: Not bad, but you are Italian so... try it more Italian. Karen: [recording] [in bad Italian accent] Dis is Kar-en Fill-uh-pel-li. Please leava me da message. A bon danza. Jim: You feel good? Karen: Mm-hm. Jim: All right. Karen: [recording phone message] Karen Filippelli. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey, buddy. Anything new to report? Dwight: Do you mean to me? From you? Cause that's how it works. Andy: Sure thing, buddy. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Am I trying to get under his skin? Yes. Because the angrier he gets, the more marginalized he becomes. Meanwhile, Andy Bernard is out there layin' on the charm. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey, Angela. Check this out. It's my new screen saver. Angela: Oh. Andy: Do you like it? Angela: I do like it, actually. Andy: Thank you. You have such a pretty smile by the way. Angela: Thank you. Andy: You're welcome. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey! Pam: What happened to grape soda? Jim: Oh yeah. I'm trying to move away from that. Getting into more of a bottled water phase. Pam: Oh. You've changed so much. Jim: Well, I'm evolving, Pam. Pam: So when do I get to hear everything? Are you still getting unpacked or... you want to grab a coffee or something after work? Jim: Oh! Um... tonight, actually? No. I'm uh just still getting settled. Pam: Oh, yeah, no! You know. Whenever. Jim: Okay. Michael: Oh-kay. Sorry to interrupt. I... Jim: Nope. You're not interrupting anything. Nope. I'm... Michael: All right. Jim: Don't... Michael: Okay. Jim: All right. [to Pam] I should probably get back to work. Get back to work. Pam: Yeah. I know, me too. Jim: All right! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: The day's going fine. It's been a little chaotic but it's fine. It's great! A lot of distractions. But, it's good. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannah: [using breast pump] Take a picture. It'll last longer. Ryan: I'm sorry. It's just, it's a little distracting. Creed: Ditto that, my brother. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannah: Look what's on his computer. Michael: What is that? A squid's eye or... Hannah: It's my left breast. Michael: How did you... Creed: Right place at the right time. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Uh, what's that smell? Phyllis: What smell? Karen: Must be an... air freshener plugged in somewhere. It smells like a funeral home. Phyllis: Oh, I'll help you find it. Karen: Oh, you know. Never... .never mind. Phyllis: What is it? Karen: I... I... I, uh, think I'm just allergic to your perfume. Phyllis: My perfume? Karen: It's just my crazy nose. I'm... uh, used to different smells. Phyllis: Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in Metropolitan Orlando. It's made from real pine. Karen: Who's Bob Vance? Phyllis: You have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: I don't know who these new people think they are. I've sat downwind of Phyllis' stinky perfumes for years. Never said a word. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: People hate people that are different from them. That's natural. But you know what makes people forget their differences? A great show. That is why I created the 'Integration Celebration'. This is the moment when Scranton and Stamford come together as one. United in applause. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I know what a lot of you must be thinking. 'Wow! What a day! Feels more like a night at a party than a day at work.' Well, in my opinion, business should feel like a night out. A night... at... the Roxbury. Okay. There's supposed to be music and it's... I got it, I got it! I got it. Dwight! Just. Dwight: Do you have batteries? Michael: Ssshh stupid! Um... Andy: [sings drum beat intro to 'What is Love?'] Michael: That's it! Andy: [sings] What is love? Michael: Yes, yes! Okay! Andy: Baby, don't hurt me. Michael: Okay, here we go. Andy & Michael: Don't hurt me! Baby, don't hurt me! Michael: Oh! Andy: Baby, don't hurt me! Michael: Oh! Oh! Oh! Andy: Whoa-oh-oh-oh Michael: Scuse me! Scuse me! Andy & Michael: Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Whoa-oh-oh... Michael: You me? You me? Me you? You! You! You me! Bow Bow Bow! Andy: Whoa-oh-oh-oh. Michael: You me? You me? Me you me! You! You! You me you! You! Oh my nose so itchy, why's my nose so itchy! Andy: Oh, probably because of all the nose candy. Michael: [laughs hysterically] Okay, I told you these guys had a sense of humor. Dwight: Very funny, Michael! Michael: Okay! Okay! Dwight: Really funny, Michael! Michael: All right, all right, I'm on a roll. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Why are the new people on the table? To show them that we are not above them. Karen: Shouldn't we be equals? Michael: Not today. No. Tony! Please join your cohorts on the table if you would. Tony: Uh... this is difficult, for me. Michael: I understand. We're all friends. Tony: No. I mean I can't physically. I can't get on the table. Michael: Oh, well. Just use the momentum of your lower half to hoist yourself up. Tony: [starts to climb table] Michael: You know what? I'll help. I will... Tony: No, please. No. Michael: Don't be shy! Dwight! Let's do this! Dwight: Do this. Come on. Ready? Michael: Come on. We're doing this thing! Let's get up. Dwight: On three. One... two... three. Michael: Bend at the knees. Okay, here we go. Here we go. I'm under this... I'm under this hock here. I don't know what I'm grabbing here. Tony: All right. All right. Stop. Put me down. Michael: We've almost got it. Push it! Push it! Tony: Let me go! Michael: I'm right in your crack! Tony: Put me down right... Michael: Up and over. Tony: Put me down! Michael: Up and over. Tony: Put me down right now! Michael: You've got it. Tony: I'VE HAD ENOUGH! Michael: You've got it, you've got it. Tony: PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW or else! Michael: Whoa Whoa Whoa! Okay. Dwight: Hey, hey. Easy. Michael: Easy. Tony: I'm sorry! Michael: Don't... Tony: It's just not going to work for me. Michael: What... Tony: I have to go. Michael: I don't understand. Tony: I was on the fence about this and... it's just not a good fit. Michael: Well, we'll squeeze you in. Tony: I can't work here. I have to quit. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You can't quit! On the first day. That's [deep voice] heresy, my friend! [regular voice] Okay, let's talk about this. What happened? I mean, what... Was it Toby? Did he say something? Cause he's... what? Tony: No. Toby was helpful. He was very kind. It's just your management style. Michael: My management style? So... didn't you think 'Lazy Scranton' was funny? Tony: No. Was it supposed to be funny? Michael: Okay. Well, don't bother quitting because you're fired. Tony: Excuse me? Michael: You are fired! I'm sorry, but we don't have quitters on this team! Just clean out your desk! Tony: But there's nothing in my desk except coupons. Michael: Don't try to apologize to me, man! It's too late. Just get out! Take your bad vibes with you. Dwight: That was my advice. Remember? I'm the one who suggested that you fire him. Michael: Probably the best advice you ever gave me, Dwight. Dwight: And what advice has Andy given to you today that you have acted on? Would 'none' be an accurate estimate? None advice? [whispers] Fire Andy. Fire. Andy. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Dwight may have won the battle. But I will win... the next battle. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannah: Tony was right. This environment is dysfunctional. Angela: Maybe that's because some people treat it like their own private Hooters strip club. Michael: Whoa, Angela! Hold on. Hooters is a restaurant. With over 400 locations worldwide. Stanley: Back to work. We don't have to get along. We just have to work together. Michael: No. We do have to get along. Can't we all just get along? Or have we forgotten the words of the Reverend King. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: The word merger comes from the word marriage. And that was what today was supposed to be. The loving union between people. Instead, it has become like when my Mom moved in with Jeff. And once again, it becomes my job to fix it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey! Hey, everybody! Something happened! Those guys from Vance Refrigeration, they let the air out of our tires. Dwight: What! Michael: Yeah! They punk'd us! They punk'd us good! Come on. Come on! Karen: Does Bob Vance work for Vance Refrigeration? Jim: Does he ever. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Man, they got us so bad. We cannot let them get away with this. We have got to pull together as one and steal their refrigerators. Dwight: YEAH! Michael: Yeah. Toby: I don't... I don't think we can do that. Michael: Go home, Toby. Just... Martin: Hey! Why doesn't your car have a flat tire? Michael: Why? I will tell you why. Because they saved the worst for me. They put a hate note under my windshield wiper. Check this out. It's so hateful. [reads note] "You guys SUCK! You can never pull together as one and revenge us. That is why you SUCK!" Hannah: For crying out loud. Michael: No. No, no, no. No. You are falling for it. You're playing right into their hands. This is just what they want you to do. Don't, oh... Martin: [to Stanley] What's up with this guy? Stanley: Got an hour? I'll try to explain. Michael: THIS IS EGREGIOUS! This is egregious! [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: Trust me. It only gets worse. Martin: Is he always like this? Ryan: Sometimes he brings more costumes. Hannah: When do people work? Phyllis: Oh, we find little times during the day. Karen: How are we going to get home? Phyllis: Bob Vance has an air pump. He said he'd fill all our tires up. Karen: Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: See that? Mission accomplished. Like a bunch of fourth graders. Sometimes, what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that'll change. Because, by the end of the fourth grade, the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most. [answers phone] Jell-o! Jan: Michael! Michael: Hi, Jan! Jan: Did you fire Tony Gardner when he was trying to quit? Michael: I did. Major personnel crises averted. Compliment accepted. Jan: Do you realize, Michael, that we now have to pay him severance? Michael: Yes. Jan: You do? Michael: But do you realize that that was actually Dwight's idea? Bad advice from my Number Two. Jan: What? No. No. No, Jim is your Number Two. Michael: What? Jan: He's the only one who has worked with both groups. I sent you a memo about this. Michael: Yes, I know that. For, I do read the memos. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So after a great deal of thought and introspective-shun, I have decided to make Jim my new Number Two. Dwight: If he even wants it. It doesn't come with a pay raise. Jim: Yeah, it does, actually. Dwight: So who will be your new Number Three? Michael: Uh... that I have not decided yet. Andy: Michael, I would just like to say you have handled this entire situation with great aplomb. Michael: Thank you, Andy. That's... very kind. Thanks. Dwight: And I have to say your leadership... Michael: Shut it... Dwight: has brought... Michael: Shut it! That's... [whispers to camera] suck up! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [talking on cellphone] Hey! Where you at, Filippelli? Karen: [off camera] I'm at the grocery store buying a corkscrew to give myself a lobotomy. Jim: [laughs] What's wrong? You didn't have a good first day? Karen: Oh my god! Hey! You want to meet at Cooper's in an hour? I need a drink. Jim: Yeah. Sure. Sounds good. I... . [sees Pam in rearview mirror] Hey! You know what? Can I give you a call right back? Karen: Yeah. Jim: Ok, thanks. Karen: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. Pam: Hey! Jim: I thought you had already... left. Pam: Uh... no. I just uh had some other stuff I had to do. Jim: Oh... Good. Pam: What's up? Jim: Oh, nothing. I just feel bad. I feel like things were a little weird today... or something. Pam: What do you mean? Jim: I just think I should tell you that... I've sort of started seeing someone. And uh... Pam: Oh. That's totally cool. You can do whatever you want. Jim: O..ok. Um..good. Pam: We're friends. We'll always be friends. Jim: Right. Pam: It's good to have you back. Jim: Yeah. Good to be back. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: Where'd you get that salad? Kevin: Staples. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Saw your dorkmobile in the parking lot. What does it get, like four miles to the gallon? Dwight: Uh, try double that. Classic TransAm, vintage American muscle. Please. Andy: Yeah, my Xterra's pretty sweet. Luxurious, yet rugged. Leave it to the Japanese. Dwight: Xterra's not even a real word. Andy: Actually, it is. It's Latin for "earth." Dwight: Oh, so you drive an X-Earth? Andy: Yeah. Dwight: That makes sense. I'd rather drive a classic TransAm than an XEarth. Andy: Yeah, I bet you would. Oh, by the way, 1985 called. It wants its car back. Dwight: Well I hope 1985 has a time machine 'cause I drive an 87. Andy: Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future and I went to your funeral and, guess what, nobody came. Dwight: Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die. Andy: Oh, that was a really well constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-not University. Dwight: Idiot! Andy: If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a TransAm. Dwight: If you were driving a TransAm, you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world. Andy: [coughs word] Idiot! Dwight: [coughs sentence] You're the idiot! Andy: [coughs sentence] Nice comeback! Dwight: [coughs sentence] I was making fun of your comeback! That's why it worked. [talks normally to camera] Totally got the best of that interchange.	Plan: A: Dunder Mifflin Stamford closing; Q: What event caused the six staff members to move to Scranton? A: Karen; Q: Who does Jim begin dating? A: Andy; Q: Who begins sucking up to Michael, causing Dwight to become jealous? A: Tony; Q: Who announces that he is quitting? A: jobs; Q: What do the six employees take in Scranton? A: Scranton; Q: Where do Jim, Karen, Andy, Martin, and Hannah move to? A: his new employees; Q: Who does Michael try to welcome, but alienate and offend? A: Pam; Q: Who tries to get her old friendship back with Jim? A: coffee; Q: What did Pam ask Jim to go out for? Summary: Due to Dunder Mifflin Stamford closing, six members of the staff (Jim, Karen, Andy, Martin, Tony, and Hannah) move to and take jobs in Scranton. Michael attempts to welcome his new employees, but naturally ends up alienating and offending them; eventually he accidentally humiliates Tony, who announces that he is quitting. Michael becomes defensive, and fires him instead. Andy begins sucking up to Michael, causing Dwight to become jealous. Excited that he is back, Pam tries getting her old friendship back with Jim, but things get weird when she asks him out for coffee to catch up, but he turns her down, revealing that he has begun dating Karen.
Tim: Previously on "Justified"... Raylan: Paperwork's been filed. I'll be there, all moved in, in a few weeks. Winona: Daddy's coming home so that mommy can finally take a nap. The Pig: Does that look like rot to you? It almost looks like somebody cut the boards away. Zachariah: Son, you got one hell of an eye. The Pig: Aaaaah! Limehouse: You running from Boyd, the law, or both? Ava: I don't want anyone after me, especially Boyd. You can go now. Not till I know you ain't gonna wake up tomorrow mornin' and run again. Ava: You don't give a sh1t about me. You just care that I don't jeopardize your precious case against Boyd! Boyd: Raylan Givens. I thought that was your car out front. Baby, how long has our guest been here without you offering him a drink? Limehouse: This here is what the man would call an "unknown unknown" ... Something you don't even know you don't know. Ava tell you anything about what she got up to yesterday? Markham: You know what has to be done. Walker: Choo-Choo's a rock. He'd never give us up. Markham: Not on purpose. Choo-Choo: I won't let you kill her. Walker: Fine, then. You kill her, like you were ordered to. Tim: Put your hands on your head and get on the ground. Rachel: Roadblocks set up already here and here, but if he's ex-special ops, he's more than likely to go up and around. We got helicopters up? Raylan: We got helicopter ... singular ... up. Rachel: Well, can we get more? [cellphone buzzing] Raylan: I don't know. I ain't the one who flies helicopters. Rachel: [sighs] I don't want this guy going all Eric Frein on us, hole up at some derelict airport for weeks while we're out here chasing our own dicks. Tim: Sounds really strange when you say that. Rachel: I'm running sh1t. I get to use the expression. Tim: Roger that. Rachel: Nelson, how many can state police spare? How many what, now? Rachel: Maybe get art to call in a favor. Raylan: [sighs] Chief, I got to go. I got a thing. You got a thing. You ain't gonna take my word for it, are you? Rachel: You see what we got here. We're looking for a shooter. Raylan: Yes, I was involved in that shooting. Now you got the marshals en route. Plus, you asked me to take 24 hours to decompress and regroup, right? Rachel: You want out. You want out of the manhunt. Raylan: I keep reliving it. It's like a movie I keep seeing. Rachel: Raylan... Raylan: Probably gonna have to take meds to help me sleep. Rachel: Fine. If you want to decompress, go decompress. Just be somewhere I can find you. Raylan: You know I will be. Rachel: And don't decompress all over Walker if this is about you happening across the man somewhere on your own. Raylan: I got it. I'm gone. Good luck. [cellphone clicks] [breathing heavily] Seabass: It's Walker. He wants to talk to both of us. Markham: I was beginning to feel concerned for you. How are things? Walker: I'm afraid... we got a bit of a problem, Mr. Markham. I'm gonna need an extraction if it's still available. Markham: You sit tight. I'm gonna get you to a doctor. Now, where are you, son? Walker: Sergeant? Seabass: I'm coming for you, top. Is your car's GPS still active? Walker: I knew I could count on you, sergeant. I am near Corbin. I'm holed up in an abandoned church on the East side of town. You can't miss it. Seabass: Okay, top, you hang on. I'm coming. [sighs] Markham: Where you going, Sean? Well, we can't just leave him out there. He's hurt and he's a target. Markham: You and I both know he ain't gonna be where he said he was. You go out there and get rolled up in their horseshit dragnet, then where are we? So, now... before you rush off into whatever hazards await... Seabass: It's not about the money. Markham: You're correct. It's about loyalty. And I need yours. More than that, it's about freedom. Seabass: Freedom from what? Markham: You stay loyal to me, and I'll fix it so the only one you ever have to take orders from again... is you. That's freedom. Give you my word on it. Walker is burned. He's a rogue element. Ain't nothing for him now. [drawer closes] Got to stay out of that fire he started. Seabass: What about me? Markham: That whore can identify you from Schreier's. So if I was you, I'd lay low for a while. Can I count on you, son? Good man. Boyd: Mm. Ava: Mm-hmm. Boyd: You need another pair of hands? Ava: Boyd. Is Earl still here? Boyd: No. I let Earl go home for the evening. No, baby. It's just you and me and the dishes. Ava: Mm! Mm. And my overnight bag. Boyd: Well, I took the liberty of packing some clothes for you. I hope you don't mind. Ava: [chuckles] We going back to Lexington? Boyd: No, baby, we gonna go up to my daddy's hunting cabin in Bulletville. Ava: And why we going to Bulletville? Boyd: Well, I figured, with everything that's been going on in our lives lately, we needed a break. When I dug coal, I'd go up to that cabin at least once a week, breathe in that fresh mountain air, clear all of that mine dust out of my lungs. Ava: [chuckles] Just you and me? Boyd: Just the two of us. Ava: Mm. Baby, that cabin is so far away. Maybe we can just, uh, stay here tonight. I just want to finish cleaning, curl up on the couch, and watch some TV. Boyd: I wasn't asking. I want to see you first thing in the morning by that green mountain light. Meet you in the truck in five. Winona: Well, look what the cat dragged in. Raylan: I'm so sorry. Winona: So you said ... on the phone, about 30 times. Raylan: I just ... it was in the calendar. I just, uh ... Winona: I'm fine, Raylan. I took an uber, and, uh, we only got lost once. I'm pretty sure that was my fault. Raylan: Did you eat? Do you want to eat? There's a ... Winona: We're good. I hope you didn't come racing over here. Raylan: I might have. Propelled by guilt, having dropped the ball. Winona: All the way from Harlan? Well, she threw up on the plane, And she hasn't stopped bitching about the trip ever since. But seeing as though you haven't had a chance to do so yet, would you like to hold your daughter, Raylan? There you go. Raylan: Hello, little girl. [baby cries] Aww. Winona: I know you probably have to go, but... Raylan: I'm not going anywhere. Hey. [baby fusses] [title music] ♪ On this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ Carl: [echoing] Hey, Pig! Could he still be alive? You want to climb down there and find out? Carl: Maybe I will. God! Zachariah: Ground ain't stable. That's how he slipped. Carl: Ugh! Zachariah: Don't be careful, you'll end up down there with him. Carl: [panting] Zachariah: I heard him hit. Time it took, I'd say it's about a 300-foot drop. Only way your boy's still alive is if he's made of iron. Carl: [sighs] I got to call Boyd. Tell him what happened. Zachariah: Nah, you don't tell him something like this on the phone. Carl: Yeah, well, you don't give me orders, either. Zachariah: Whenever we lost one of our own, every man who worked with him went to the house of the family to deliver the news, to comfort in person. Carl: Yeah. Well, The Pig wasn't one of Boyd's own. Zachariah: Don't matter, now, does it? That boy gave his life doing this job. You show him some goddamn respect. Carl: Whatever, old man. I'm gonna tell him how I'm gonna tell him. You all right with that? Zachariah: Fine. Winona: All good? Raylan: Status quo. [baby cries] Winona: What is it you're missing out on while you're here playing the family man? Raylan: Oh, nothing big. A little chase. How long are you two here? Winona: Well, we have an appointment with frieder tomorrow, and then we're gonna do some visiting. And then we're out the next day. Raylan: Frieder's the, uh, O.B.? Winona: Uh, pediatrician. Raylan: Ah. Winona: Can you hold that for me? Yeah, that's fine. This is one of those situations where I'm gonna need you to... not freak out, maybe sit down. Raylan: I'm not freaking out. And I don't want to sit down. [baby cries] Winona: Okay. Um, Willa's well-baby check a few weeks back, the doctor that m-my mother recommended, he was listening to her heart and says maybe he hears something. Raylan: That sounds bad. Is that bad? Winona: He's, uh, he's rating it a-a grade 4 heart murmur, Which means it's ... it's pretty loud, but 's not super-loud. It could be a-a congenital defect, Or she could just grow out of it. And, you know, it's not like I don't trust this guy, but ... Raylan: You trust frieder. Winona: Yeah. And she said she could get Willa in to see the peds-cardiologist and they can run some tests and see what's what. Raylan: Jesus. Winona: Are you freaking out? Raylan: I am not freaking out. Are you freaking out? Winona: I am not freaking out. But I am gonna have to put myself down with a stiff drink, so... Raylan: By the way, how is your mother? Winona: [laughs] That's so weird. Um, she's fine. She would love to know that you were interested. Well, she might at least appreciate that I pretended to be interested. Winona: She's driving me into the ground with these mommy-and-me classe "you got to get that baby out to see the world. Work on your networking skills." "Socializing the child" is what she calls it. She's been watching "the view." Raylan: Mm. Winona: I tell her, "you know what? "Why don't you try balancing a baby on your ass while you're doing yoga?" Raylan: Didn't she put you in daycare when you were like only a month old? Winona: Seems it's easier to give motherly advice than it is to actually mother. Oh, you want her? Raylan: Uh-huh. Winona: She did try and, uh, set me up on a date, though, if you can imagine that. Raylan: Really? Winona: Mm-hmm. A guy named Randy, divorced. I thought he was a cousin, but apparently not. Raylan: So, what'd you say? Oh, well, I haven't said anything yet. Why? What should I say? Raylan: You say whatever you want. Winona: Well, I would say he looks a little too much like Wallace Shawn for my taste. Oh! Uh, another thing... Raylan: Hmm? Winona: ...uh, while I'm here. The lawyers came back with the custody agreement, and they're gonna need us to formalize our joint-custody pattern. Which brings up the question, a-are we gonna share custody of Willa? Because if we are, we need to figure out how we're gonna break that up. Ava: [sighs] Can we get a fire going? Boyd: In a minute. But first... I think I got something to make you forget that cold ... if it's still here. Ah. Ohh. [groans] Aha! Well, here it is. Ava: What's that? Boyd: This is one of the last surviving bottles of the pappy Van Winkle warehouse fire of '95. Ava: [chuckles lightly] Boyd: Only three cases left untouched. My daddy pilfered one of those cases, and I, in turn, may have pilfered one bottle from that one case. Ava: May have? Boyd: Well, I admit nothing. I don't know that there is a statute of limitations on that kind of deviant behavior. Ava: I'll keep my mouth shut either way. Boyd: Well, I certainly hope you can. You know... [cork pops] ...I have kept this bottle up here for all these years only to be opened on the night that I got married. But seeing as how we are on the precipice of starting our lives together, I thought, no better time than the present. Ava: I'm not superstitious, but I think we should wait till we're married. Why jinx the future? I've been waiting on this moment damn near 20 years, Ava. You will have a shot with me. Ava: I'll have one. Boyd: That's all I ask. Mm. [gulps] Goddamn! That's like drinking silk. Let me see that. My, oh, my. That is beautiful. Ava: My fiancé did good. Boyd: [chuckles] You know, my mama and daddy were married on this very spot. Said their vows right in front of that fireplace. Got me to thinking ... maybe me and you ought to write our own vows. Ava: You serious? Boyd: I am. Not some rote commitment recited without meaning ... something from the heart. Ava: And no "till death do us part," 'Cause I don't want to hear about that on my wedding day. Boyd: Oh, me neither. [chuckles] Boyd: But I do think we ought to talk about commitment... trust... loyalty. Those are important words. Wouldn't you agree? Ava: Why wouldn't I? [drink pours] Boyd: You know, when my mama and daddy got married, "I promise to obey" was in their wedding vows. Ava: Did you hear that from inside your mama's womb? Boyd: My daddy'd bring it up every time he hit my mama. Although I don't think he ever did get around to obeying her. Ava: [chuckles lightly] Bowman never troubled himself making excuses. Boyd: Me, myself... ...I don't believe that a man should ever hit a woman. Or, at least, I ain't found a reason yet. Ava: Meaning you could find one? Well, what if a handsome man smiled at me and somehow that was my fault? Or I didn't have your dinner ready exactly when you came home? Would you beat on me, then apologize and promise to never do it again? And keep that promise maybe one day, maybe two. Boyd: Ava, have I ever done anything to you? Have I ever hurt you in any way? Ava: Bowman was sweet as candy till we got married. Then I was his property. Boyd: Well, I ain't my brother. Ava: No, but you are a Crowder, aren't you? You forced me to come up here. You make me drink when I don't want to. [scoffs] You gonna take his bottle, crack it over my head next? Like Bowman would do? [bottle thuds] That what you want? Ava: I don't know what I want. Boyd: You want to hit me a little bit, don't you? That'd feel good? Ava: It might. Boyd: Well, then, go on, girl. Do it. Ava: Do what? Boyd: Hit me, woman. Go on. Ava: [grunts] [Panting, grunts] Boyd. [Exhales sharply] Boyd! [music] Aah! Aaah! [grunting] [groaning] [knock on door] [groans] [knock on door] [panting] [knocking on door] Ooh. Whew. [knock on door] Troy: I hear you in there! [panting] Troy: About time. Walker: Let me guess. Fraternity brothers? What educational institution is lucky enough to have you for students? Troy: F.U. [chuckles] Heard of it? Great proctology program. I'll bet you'd love it. Chad: [gasps] Oh! Went up my nose. Walker: I never went to college myself. Joined the army right out of high school. Gave me some notion of fraternity. Troy: And we thank you for your service. Now, if you're done whipping your army pud in there, I got to sh1t. Walker: Begging the question, will your brother over there step in when I split your skull open? Troy: I ... Whoa, whoa, look. I-I was... just kidding, man. [chuckles] So was I. Ahhh. Apologies. My twisted sense of humor. It has been a day. Where you boys headed? Troy: Uh, D-D-Disney world. Walker: Disney world. Chad: Maybe the wizarding world of Harry Potter. Walker: Orlando, huh? Of all the gin joints in ... the fates are smiling upon me, gentlemen. I was headed there myself! Gonna deliver this to an old army buddy. Memento of our time in the box. This vest saved his life many a time. Hey. How about I give you $300 to deliver it to Orlando for me, huh? Go ahead. Take it. Take it. And for your incidentals... now, don't be shy. You buy all the PBR and funyuns you can stomach. Now, the address is 1212 Main Street. Repeat that back to me. Both: 1212 Main Street. [chuckles] See how easy that is to remember? Much appreciated, gentlemen. You two have fun. You know, how could you not? That's the happiest place on Earth! Raylan: Is there something else I could be doing or I should be doing? Winona: You do realize that that question puts it on me to come up with a task to occupy you with on top of having to deal with her? Raylan: Okay. That's fair. Winona: Sorry. Raylan: No. That's all right. Winona: I'm sorry. I know. It's just, it's been six hours of this, and I-I don't know what to do anymore. Raylan: Is it the heart murmur thing? Winona: No, it's, um, it's an ear infection and a chest cold, and this is my life. This is what it looks like now. Raylan: Aww. [baby crying] Raylan: Well, that question you were asking before about, do I want to be involved in my daughter's life? Winona: Yeah? Raylan: Of course I do. Winona: Okay, well, this is your daughter's life, Raylan. This is what it looks like. But you can see that I'm here and that I'm racking my brain trying to figure out how I can help. Winona: I don't know. I don't know. I never know with you. 'Cause you got that thing, you got that "I couldn't care less" thing. I ... How am I supposed to know? Raylan: Know what? Winona: What you want, Raylan. And look, I'm not gonna lie ... I liked it. It's part of what drew me to you. But this is different. Things are different now. And trying to factor in where your head's at with us right now, it's exhausting! And it's unfair. And frankly, it's bullshit. Raylan: Okay. Winona: And you still haven't answered the question about custody about ... oh! ... how involved you want to be in our lives. I know. I know. Raylan: Because you know how involved I want to be. I mean, don't you? I don't know anything right now. All I do know is that it's 3:00 in the morning, I have been on two flights and an uber with this demon child attached to my boob, and I can't get it up right now to answer your questions for you. So why don't you give us ladies the bathroom for a little while, okay? [crying continues] Ava: Mm. What the hell, Boyd? Boyd: We going hunting. Ava: What? Boyd: First day of razorback season, State of Kentucky. [Ava sighs] Boyd: I already got the coffee going. Ava: What time is it? Boyd: It's early. And we need to get to the stand while the sun is rising if we gonna bag us a shoat. Get up. [baby fussing] Winona: I know, I know, I know, I know. I know. I know. [fussing continues] [SCENE_BREAK] I'm sorry I howled at you. Raylan: You weren't the only one howling, as I recollect. Winona: Oh, Raylan. What is it with this baby? What is it gonna take? Raylan: Winona, for the love of the child, let me take her out for ice cream or something. I'm not gonna give her ice cream. Maybe a taste. But I'm gonna have some ice cream, and I'll drive her around a bit. That helps, right? And then you can get some sleep. Winona: What is ... What is this sleep you speak of? [gasps] Hi. Hello. That's it. I've got you. I've got you. Yeah. Markham: Don't tell me you're the closer. Art: No. I wish I was. That'd be cool. No, I'm just a P.O.D. ... plain old deputy. But I was just walking past, and I thought you looked really familiar. You mind if I ask your name? Markham: Avery Markham. Art: Markham! That's right ... Avery Markham. [chuckles] You know what? When I was just a pup, I served some warrants on some of your men. And then you and I passed each other one day in the courtroom when that judge you paid off dismissed all the charges. Markham: You must not have made an impression. I don't remember you. Art: Well, memory loss ... that's a sure sign of old age. Markham: So's losing your hearing. How about the old fishing pole? Still able to hook a fish with it? Art: You know, I've been married for 28 years. I don't get the pole out as much as I used to. But I hear you do. I heard you pulled Katherine Hale into your boat. Markham: Why would you care about my relationship with Katherine Hale? Art: Well, I don't, Except for the one that you had with her 14 years ago. Wasn't it around that time that her husband, Grady Hale, got killed in prison? I ... sorry. I have trouble remembering things, too. Markham: I heard it was suicide. Art: Suicide, huh? Wow. Well, I mean, the reason I recall it is because that's around the same time that U.S. Attorney Simon Poole got his head blown off. You remember that? I remember he had a hard-on for Grady. Art: He did. That's right. And ... And you were Grady's partner, right? You know, a lot of people were saying that Simon Poole claimed he had a snitch in Grady's camp that ratted him out. You wouldn't have any idea who that was, would you? Markham: I'm confused. Are you calling me a murderer or are you calling me a rat? Art: Well, neither, as such. I'm just... thinking. I mean, it ... it wouldn't make sense for you to kill Poole to slow down Grady's case just to turn around and kill Grady so that you could be with Katherine if... If I was just gonna leave Kentucky? Art: Exactly. Markham: That was not an easy decision. I loved Katherine. Still do. Art: Well, that's very sweet. But why leave? Unless... maybe you didn't trust her. Or you didn't know what she was gonna do to you. [elevator bell dings] Well, you picked a hell of a time for "take your daughter to work" day. Raylan: I figured it'd be easier selling her here than someplace I didn't know anybody. Art: Oh, my goodness. What a relief. She doesn't look like you. Good for her. Raylan: What are you doing her? Art: I'm just bored. I love a good manhunt. Hey, they rolled Markham up. Raylan: Doesn't look like we're keeping him much longer. Art: No, we're not. So if you want to talk to him, you better get in there. Isn't that right? Daddy better go talk to the bad man. [laughs] Raylan: Some other time, huh? Art: Well, she's beautiful. I wouldn't leave her in this office much longer. Too many reprobates in here. And I'm talking about the ones on the payroll. Raylan: Take it easy, Art. This is where daddy sits. Tim: Yours, I hope. Raylan: That's what they tell me. See that? Huh? Why aren't you on the manhunt? Tim: Oh, I myself was given 24 hours to decompress. Look what you started, Norma Rae. So what are you doing here? Tim: Tracking this asshole's credit cards. Raylan: Walker's using credit cards? Tim: Crossed the Harlan County line into Wabash County and immediately spent $120 at Leo's Liquor. Second card for gas in Tennessee before going back to the first card and spending over $300 at a porno shop in Murfreesboro. Raylan: That ain't him. Tim: You mean Walker's not an alcoholic p0rn addict with a full tank of gas who compartmentalizes his vice spending from his staples? Raylan: Well, I don't know what you just said, but he must have given someone his credit cards. He ain't stupid enough to use them, and he wouldn't buy all that sh1t. Tim: I know. That's why I was condescending to you just now. Raylan: Go ahead and get your shots in now. She won't be with me all the time. Tim: Do you hear how I'm condescending to you just now? Rachel: Raylan. Why are you here? Raylan: You want to hold her? Rachel: Did you ask Tim if he wanted to hold her? Raylan: No, because he is not a nurturing, caring human being. He's kind of an asshole. Nelson: Can I ... Can I hold her? Raylan: No. So, why'd you leave Harlan? Rachel: Boss doesn't get to play around in the woods all day. So everything's under control. Rachel: Even if it wasn't, what good are you to me with a baby on your hip? Raylan: You sure you don't want to hold her? Rachel: Shouldn't you be, you know, taking care of her or something? Raylan: I thought that's what I was doing, bringing her here. [telephone rings] Rachel: Brooks. Raylan. Raylan: Hmm? [grunts] Come on! [breathing heavily] [gun cocks] [music] [cellphone beeping] Oh, for... [beeping stops] [dialing] [ringing] Woman: 911. What is your emergency? Boyd: All those times hunting, Ava, what was the first animal you ever killed? Ava: Squirrel. Boyd: Squirrel? How old were you? Ava: 6. Daddy gave me a .410 for my birthday. You kill that squirrel with one shot? Ava: No, I didn't. Could barely hold the gun, I was shaking so hard. Boyd: You sound like cousin Johnny, worst rifle shot I ever did see. He'd only go hunting with a four-wheeler and a spotlight. That ain't sport. It's slaughter. You got to give an animal a fair shake. Ava: [sighs] Well, makes sense. Johnny was a coward. Boyd: I never understood where I went wrong with him, why he saw fit to betray me. Devil, too. If they weren't happy with their lot in my crew, why didn't they just come to me? I'm a reasonable man. We could have hashed our differences out over a bottle of Woodford. Why you think they wouldn't do that, Ava? Ava: Maybe because they were afraid of what you were gonna do to them. What you did to them. Boyd: You scared of me? Ava: Sometimes. [pig snorts] Boyd: Don't move. You just stay right there. Ava: Boyd? Boyd: Stay right there. Ava: Boyd! [voice breaking] Boyd? [gunshot] Aah! Daah! [panting] Boyd? Boyd? [laughter] First hog of the season! Now, you stay right there! I'm gonna go get the truck! We gonna have us some pork tonight, baby! Whoo! [sighs] [breathing shakily] Winona: Oh, my god. Y'all were gone forever. Raylan: Sorry. Winona: Don't be sorry. It's the best sleep I've had in weeks. And is that silence I hear? Raylan: Seems she's feeling somewhat improved. Winona: Oh, baby girl. I never love you more than I love you when you're quiet. Raylan: It's been like that for at least an hour or so. Winona: So, where did y'all go? Raylan: Well, drove around, went to the park for a little bit. Is that why the office called and said you left her pacifier there? Raylan: Did they wake you? Winona: They did. Raylan: I just ... Winona: Okay, Raylan. You don't have to tell me stories. I mean, obviously, I trust you with her. You know that, right? Raylan: Yes, I know that. I don't know why I left that part out. I guess I thought you'd just think... Oh, I don't know. I just couldn't stay away. Winona: Oh, I know you can't stay away. It's not like that's a theory. You know, what I don't understand is that you haven't figured out that I know that already. And yet, here I am. What does that tell you? Thank you so much for watching her. You don't know the half of how bad I needed that. I got to come clean to you about something. Um, Willa's heart wasn't the only thing that got me on the plane out here. I mean, it was ... it was part of it, but... just [sighs] all that worrying about it, it really got me thinking. And, uh... [sighs] Um... Raylan: What is it? Hey. Winona: I used to lie awake in our bed when you'd be out doing whatever it was that you did, and ... and I would get so worked up over thinking about if you were never gonna come home again and what I would do if that happened. And that seemed to me... unbearable. And ... And it seemed unfair. Raylan: I suppose it was. Winona: Well, whether it was or it wasn't or is, now I lie awake next to this little girl and... I listen to her breathe. I know you're not coming home. And it's... that certainty... [sighs] I'm just saying, I think ... I think I liked it better the first way. Winona, are you saying ... What I'm saying is... God damn it. I'm saying I love you and I miss you and I want you to come home, and I don't care where home is. I don't care if it's here or in Miami or in the hills. It doesn't matter to me. But if you want it, I want you by my side raising our daughter. So, I guess what I'm saying is... you can be with me... and still be you, if that's something you want. [cellphone buzzing] Well, you should get it. You're gonna wake her up. Raylan: It's Rachel. I'll send her to voicemail. [whispers] Did you not hear a word I just said? Answer it. [cellphone beeps] Raylan: Hey. Rachel: Ava's up at Bulletville. Raylan: Say what? Rachel: We tracked her phone. Boyd has a cabin there, right? Any reason she'd go to it? Raylan: Not that I can think of. Haven't you heard from her? Raylan: Not a word. I'm gonna need a little time. Rachel: Raylan. Raylan: If she's in Bulletville, she's in Bulletville. Magic eight ball says "ask again later." I will reach out and I will stay by my phone. All right? Rachel: Get here when you can. [cellphone beeps] [music] [siren wails, chirps] Walker: Thank god. Hey! My brother's hurt real bad. We were hiking. He fell. He split his head open. There's ... There's a lot of blood. Please. EMT 1: Okay, sir. Just give us a second. Let's see what's going on with you here, buddy. Okay? Walker: Oh, n... I-I'm fine. I got poked by a branch. It's ... It's nothing. Please, forget about me. Just go ... go get my brother! EMT 1: I'll go ahead and call it in. Get a bird in the air. Tell them we got a climber. Walker: Oh, no. We don't need a chopper. He's right on top of the ridge. EMT 1: Sir, standard procedure. We don't need them, we don't need them. Walker: What's that? EMT 1: Oh, it's just antibiotic. Now hold still. Walker: I thought methohexital was a sedative. EMT 1: [grunts] Walker: Huh! No, no, no. [gun cocks] "Be on the lookout, bearded sasquatch man, possible gunshot wound." Is that right? [gunshots] That sound right?! EMT 2: Yes, yes! Jesus! Didn't realize they were gonna send me a couple of heroes. All I wanted was that kit ... patch myself up. See a man I got to see, do a job I got to do. That's all. Then they send me a pair of heroes. EMT 2: He was a hero. Put me in the back, strap me down. I-I won't be able to move or call anyone. And you can take the kit. You can take the kit and get away. Walker: Yeah, I could do that. But it's been such a day. [gunshot] Boyd: That flank looks like it's been to hell and back. Ava: I ain't hungry. Boyd: Well... I am famished. And whatever the good lord sees fit to provide... You believe in god, Ava? Ava: Why'd you bring me up here, Boyd? Boyd: Just to spend a lovely 24 hours with my lady. Ava: Bullshit. You've been dancing around something since we got here. So why don't you just come out and say whatever it is you got to say? [cellphone ringing] Boyd: You want to get that? [ringing stops] Is that your "salon" calling again? You been lying to me, Ava. I know you ran. I know you went to see Limehouse. I know someone helped you escape Errol, and it wasn't just that constable. And not 24 hours later, I come home to find Raylan Givens sitting in your goddamn kitchen. So, how about you come out, say what it is you got to say? Ava: I'm a snitch. Boyd: A what? [shakily] Ava: I'm a C.I. for Raylan. I sold you out, Boyd. Boyd: [sighs] Ava: [sighs] You gonna kill me? That it? You gonna kill me now? You left me in prison. You did nothing for me. You were gonna cut a deal with the Crowes. You could have asked for anything! You wanted a clean slate ... for yourself. You didn't even ask about me. I was gonna die in prison, Boyd. Those girls were gunning for me! Should I be expected to fight every single day for the rest of my life? Don't you tell me you wouldn't have done the same exact goddamn thing. Boyd: Are you sleeping with Raylan Givens? Ava: What? Are you sleeping ... with Raylan? Ava: You're gonna ask me that? Boyd: 'Cause if you are, take it. Take it! Take it! Put a bullet... in my head right now. Do it. Ava: No! I didn't ... Boyd: Do it! Ava: I didn't do anything with Raylan! It's you! It's always been you! You take it. And you do whatever it is you got to do. [gasping] Boyd: [sighs] I let you down. And I'm sorry. I understand what you did... ...why you did it. I still... love you. Ava: [voice breaking] I love you, too, Boyd. If you would trust me right now, if you will tell me everything that you told Raylan Givens ... I mean everything ... I can get us out of this. I can give him enough information to keep him running in circles until we can get that money and run. But I got to trust you. Ava: You can trust me. Boyd: And I got to know that you trust me. Ava: I trust you, Boyd. Boyd: I'm gonna go get some more firewood. Raylan: You sure you don't want me to come with? Winona: No, you better get back to work before everything falls apart over there. Raylan: [chuckles] Winona: So... So... [inhales deeply] We gonna do this, then? Raylan: I don't see how we don't try. Winona: What do you give us? 50/50 shot? [SCENE_BREAK] Winona: Oh. Well, which way? See you soon? Yeah. Yes, you will. [music]	Plan: A: Ty Walker; Q: Who asks for an extraction? A: Sean; Q: Who is set to go with Ty Walker? A: Avery; Q: Who burns Ty Walker and buys his loyalty? A: loyalty; Q: What does Avery buy Ty Walker with a stack of cash? A: a washroom; Q: Where does Ty clean his wounds? A: the inside; Q: Where did Ty's bullet catch on his vest? A: his vest; Q: What did Ty Walker pay a pair of frat boys to deliver to him? A: 1212 Main Street; Q: Where does Ty Walker want his vest delivered to? A: his credit cards; Q: What did Ty send out as decoys? A: His car; Q: What does Ty Walker break down? A: their medical supplies; Q: What does Ty Walker plan to rob from the ambulance? A: both paramedics; Q: Who does Ty Walker kill when he is recognized by an ambulance? A: the manhunt; Q: What is Raylan called away from for an appointment with Winona? A: custody; Q: What does Raylan have to figure out after learning his daughter has a heart murmur? A: the crying infant; Q: What does Raylan take for a drive to give Winona some relief? A: the office; Q: Where does Raylan take Winona for a drive? A: her life; Q: What does Winona want Raylan back in? A: Boyd; Q: Who confronts Ava about her informing on Raylan? A: Ava; Q: Who does Boyd confront about selling him out? A: his father's hunting cabin; Q: Where does Boyd take Ava to talk about their wedding? A: Bulletville; Q: Where is Boyd's father's hunting cabin? A: a rare bottle; Q: What does Boyd open for Ava? A: his wedding night; Q: When did Boyd save the bottle of wine he opened for Ava? A: their vows; Q: What does Boyd talk about writing with Ava? A: commitment; Q: What word does Boyd use to describe his relationship with Ava? A: killing; Q: What does Boyd talk about with Ava about betrayal? A: a boar; Q: What does Boyd kill while Ava is unarmed? A: the fresh kill; Q: What does Boyd eat after confronting Ava about her informing on Raylan? A: prison; Q: Where was Ava when Boyd let her down? A: circles; Q: What does Boyd tell Raylan to go in while he gets money to start over? A: Art; Q: Who asks Avery about Grady's indictment? A: the old days; Q: What does Art ask Avery about? A: Grady; Q: Who was the snitch against? A: Katherine; Q: Who did Grady have an affair with? A: U.S. Attorney Simon Poole; Q: Who was shot dead about the same time as Grady? Summary: A manhunt is called for Ty Walker who asks for an extraction; Sean is set to go but Avery burns Ty and buys his loyalty with a stack of cash, telling him to lie low. Ty cleans his wounds in a washroom, digging out a bullet that caught on the inside of his vest. He pays a pair of frat boys on their way to Orlando to deliver the vest to 1212 Main Street for him, and apparently sends out his credit cards as other decoys. His car breaks down and he calls an ambulance with a plan to rob their medical supplies but is recognized and kills both paramedics when one tries to sedate him. Raylan is called away from the manhunt for an appointment with Winona, holds his daughter for the first time, learns she has a heart murmur, and has to figure out custody. To give Winona some relief he takes the crying infant for a drive - in to the office. Winona says she wants Raylan back in her life, at her side raising their daughter. Boyd takes Ava up to his father's hunting cabin in Bulletville where he retrieves and opens a rare bottle he'd been saving for his wedding night. He talks about writing their vows, about commitment, trust and loyalty. Boyd has her out before dawn to hunt, talking about killing and betrayal, then leaves her unarmed as he kills a boar. After eating the fresh kill, Boyd confronts Ava about her informing to Raylan. She admits to selling him out but he is more concerned she may be sleeping with Raylan, which she denies. Boyd apologizes, saying he'd let her down when she was in prison, and that if they trust each other they can have Raylan going in circles while Boyd gets enough money for them to start over again. Avery is at the Marshals for questioning when Art casually steps in and asks him about the old days, about Grady's indictment and his affair with Katherine and U.S. Attorney Simon Poole who was shot dead about the same time - Poole would have been the only one who knew the identity of the snitch against Grady.
Act 1 Scene 1 - KACL Frasier is in the studio talking to one of his callers. Frasier: Brian, let me assure you. No one is a born scatterbrain! You simply have to develop your powers of concentration. On a trip to the Amazon I was able to observe the hunters of the primitive Shipibo tribe. With nothing more than a crude blowgun they can bring down small monkeys from the forest canopy high above their heads. How? Someone comes into Roz's booth and hands her a sheet of paper while Frasier continues. Frasier: Focus, and mental discipline. And that's what we have to work on, Brian. Focus on one thing and not allow ourselves to be distracted by a single- [Roz rushes in excited and shows Frasier the piece of paper] WE'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR A SEABEA!!! Frasier and Roz jump up and down in excitement before realising the problems of the last caller and that he is still on the line. Frasier: Of course, we should never become so single-minded that we don't allow ourselves to be spontaneous. We'll be back right after this. Frasier goes to a commercial break. Frasier: Oh, Roz. This is wonderful. They like me, they really like me. Roz: Oh my God, I have to lose five pounds in two weeks. Frasier: [taking the bar of chocolate that Roz is eating out of her hands] Well, that'll be enough of that! Frasier goes to open his briefcase and takes out a red rose. Frasier: Roz. Listen, I bought this for you this morning and I was hoping that I wouldn't have to say this was just for being you... Roz: Oh thanks, Frasier. This is so great. You know, last year I was so obsessed with winning that I didn't even enjoy being nominated. But this year I don't care if we win or lose. I'm just gonna buy myself a beautiful dress and have my hair done and I'm gonna stretch out in the back of a limo with my date... Frasier: And wonder why you bothered having your hair done! Bulldog rushes in and grabs Frasier. Bulldog: Hey, Doc. Congratulations! Hey, Roz... He sees Roz is not too impressed, so he doesn't grab her. Frasier: Well, I understand congratulations are in order for you as well, Bulldog. What is this now? Four nominations, three wins? Bulldog: Yeah. I've been a symbol of broadcasting excellence in Seattle since 1991. Bulldog starts sniffing the air before barking and stamping his feet at a woman outside. Bulldog: See ya, Doc. Roz: Thirty seconds. Frasier: Thank you, Roz. Whom do we have? Roz: On line one we have a shoplifter from Bainbridge, and then line two is your number one fan. Frasier: Oh, Kari. Roz: Mmm-hmm, for the fourth time this week. Why don't you let me get rid of her? All she ever does is gush and tell you how wonderful you are. Frasier: And this hurts me how? Frasier starts the show again. Frasier: Hello Seattle, we're back. Got time for just one more call. So, Roz - who do we have on the line? Roz: Oh, please! Frasier: Hello. You're on with Frasier Crane. Kari: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Crane. It's me, Kari. Nervous as usual. Anyway, I hope you're not getting sick of me. I just think you're wonderful. Thank you for always talking to me. Frasier: Well, thank you for being so sweet. Kari: Well, thank you for giving such good advice. Frasier: Well, thank you for being... Roz knock violently on the glass for Frasier to wrap it up. Frasier: If that's all? Kari: That was a beautiful rose you bought this morning. Frasier: Yes, I bought it to give to... [confused] Excuse me? Kari: Don't be surprised. I saw you at the florist's. You weren't doing your regular routine. Frasier: My regular routine? Kari: Café Nervosa. You go there every morning. Except today. I can tell I'm boring you now. Bye! Frasier: Well, goodbye Kari. Well that's all our time for today, Seattle. Goodbye and good listening. Frasier signs off. Roz comes into the booth. Roz: That was pretty weird. Now she's following you? Frasier: I don't think it's so weird. It's hardly following. Maybe she hangs out at Café Nervosa too and the florist is right next door. Roz: Well, be careful out there. There's a lot of creeps. Frasier: Oh Roz I hate that word, "creeps." There's a lot of odd people in this business. I never refer to any of them as a "creep." Bulldog comes into the booth. Bulldog: Hey Roz, will you stop wearing those corduroys? I can't see your pantyline. Roz looks at Frasier who rolls his eyes. Frasier: Although some people do send me groping for synonyms. [SCENE_BREAK] GETTING A BIT LOOPY Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Frasier and Niles walk in to see Daphne sitting at the table. Frasier: Ah, what are you up to? Daphne: I just measured your Father for his tuxedo. Niles: Oh Frasier, that reminds me. I'm afraid Maris won't be able to make your SeaBea awards tomorrow night. Frasier: Well, I can hardly be surprised. Any particular reason? Niles: Yes! And this time it's a good one. She's very upset about her manicurist. The woman's been doing Maris's nails for years now and sadly she was just taken critically ill. Daphne: Oh, dear. How bad is she? Niles: She'll be fine once she finds another manicurist! Until then she's curtailing all public appearances. Frasier: Yes, well I'm sorry. It's not like I'm nominated for a SeaBea every year. Oh, wait a minute - yes, it is! Niles: Well, as some illustrious person once said, "popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity." Frasier: You just made that up, didn't you? Niles: Yes, but I stand by it. Daphne: Will you be joining us for dinner tonight, Dr. Crane? Niles: No. Frasier and I are going to the opera. We're seeing- Frasier/Niles: Der Fliegende Hollander. Niles: Oh, don't forget - the tickets are in your briefcase. I can hear that first aria already. [starts humming the tune] Martin: Don't, Niles. You'll start singing it, then I'll start singing it, and I won't be able to get it out of my head. Frasier opens his briefcase and finds a scarf inside. Frasier: What's this? [reads the label] "Dear Dr. Crane. A little bit of me to wrap around your neck. Your number one fan, Kari." Daphne: Oh, how sweet. Your fan knitted you a scarf. Frasier: Yes, but when did she find the time to put it in my briefcase? I haven't had it out of my hand all day except when I was in the barber's chair. Martin: Hell, that didn't give her more than thirty seconds! Niles: [examining the label] So you're saying this woman followed you into the barber shop then slipped a scarf into your briefcase. Frasier: Well, she's a very devoted fan. Niles: She has the handwriting of a sociopath. Frasier: Oh, she does not. Niles: [holding up the label] Big loops. Daphne: That's exactly how Scotland Yard caught "The Butcher of Brighton." He used big loops - a clear sign of anger. And he crossed his t's in a downward stroke, indicating aggression. Of course, he also kept a demitasse saucer full of eyelids on his night table. Daphne leaves the room. Frasier: Anybody here besides me think we should put a two-way lock on her door? Martin: Well, if you ask me it's probably nothing, but there are some weirdos out there, so just keep your eyes open. Frasier: Dad, she's not a weirdo. She's just a woman who finds me utterly fascinating Niles: And the distinction would be? Frasier: In any case, I do think that her invading my space is inappropriate. I hardly think we should start barricading the door. Daphne has come back. Niles: Let's review. She started with calls to the station, then moved onto spying on you. Now she's been in your briefcase. It's the classic progression of the predator stalking its prey in ever-narrowing circles, or "loops." That's for you, Daphne. Daphne: [looks up and smiles] Thank you. The doorbell rings and Frasier goes to answer. Frasier: Niles, you make me sound like a goat staked out in a clearing. No one is hunting me down. No one is closing in on me. Frasier opens the door to find a large number of balloons floating outside. Frasier: Oh, look. These must be from the station. [examines the card] "From your number one fan Kari. Your time has come. You're finally going to get what you deserve." Niles: The loop tightens! Frasier: Stop it, Niles. She's probably just referring to the fact that it's time I win this award. Try as you will, you are not going to turn me into some sort of a nervous wreck. Frasier goes to bring the balloons inside but accidentally bursts one of them causing him to reel back in surprised fear. Frasier: It's just not going to happen! [SCENE_BREAK] KRAKATOA, WEST OF JAVA (THE MOVIE WAS WRONG) Scene 3 - KACL Frasier is speaking to one of his callers. Madman: I don't understand it, Doc. I'm a successful guy. I have my own car dealership but still I'm depressed. You've probably heard of me - Madman Martinez. Frasier: Well, what seems to be the source of your depression, Madman? Madman: I guess it's just that business is down. I don't know why. I slashed prices this week. Right now I got an '88 old Cutlass on the lot in rare turquoise metallic, Cordoba roof, leather, factory year... Frasier: Madman... Madman: [voice getting increasingly louder and excited] And that's nothing compared to the six brand new Super's I got in. Their prices... Frasier: [becoming increasingly annoyed] Maybe... Madman: Twenty-percent discount to all your listeners! People say to me, "Madman, you're crazy." I say, "HEY, I DEAL IN VOLUME!" Frasier: Fortunately, so do I. [cuts off the line] Well, that's about all the time we have today, folks. Stay tuned for Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe after these paid commercial messages. Frasier signs off and goes into Roz's booth. Roz is sitting there trying to hide her face. Frasier: Roz, what is the matter with you? You're supposed to be screening these calls! Roz: Just dowse me in gasoline and toss me a match. Frasier: I was hoping a stern warning would do the trick. Roz turns around to reveal a huge red mark on her nose. Frasier looks in horror. Roz: I'm talking about this! Three hours until the limo picks me up for the SeaBeas and my nose erupts like Krakatoa! Frasier: It's barely noticeable. Roz: From where, the Space Shuttle? Vintage Roz or what? I finally lose five pounds and I gain three of it back on my nose! Frasier: Roz, I'm sure that with enough foundation and some contouring, maybe a little shadowing... [realises he is fighting a lost cause] Have you considered wearing a beekeeper's mask? Roz: Do I make fun of that Astrodome you call a forehead? Frasier: Gee, Roz. It's been sort of a tough week for me too, you know? Kari has taken to putting notes in my briefcase. She's even been to my apartment. Roz: Frasier, you've got to do something. Don't you remember Leo, the Happy Chef? He had an obsessed fan too. It started out innocently just like yours and she ended up breaking into his house. Frasier: Yes, I understand she bent his whisk and scratched all his Teflon! Roz: Make fun all you want, but she made his life miserable and she didn't quit until he hired himself a bodyguard. Want me to find out who he is? Frasier: No, no, no. I have a hard time believing that Kari poses a real threat. I mean she doesn't even have the nerve to come up and look at me face to face. Lord knows she's had the opportunity. Roz: Well, suit yourself. If you ask me the woman is acting very weird. Roz takes out a teabag and puts it on her nose. Frasier: Tea good for your nose? Roz: [sarcastic] No, I finally found a bag to match my shoes! Frasier: Roz, you're dripping all over the console Frasier takes a handkerchief out his pocket to wipe up and a small card falls out as well, which Frasier examines. Frasier: Kari? Roz: Again? How did she get in your jacket? Frasier: I have no idea. [reading the card] "I'm very disappointed in you, Dr. Crane. You didn't wear the scarf I knitted you even though it was very cold. The last man who disappointed me that way... is in his grave. P.S. - I'll be at the awards tonight and I'll be looking for you. Your number one fan, Kari." Roz: Oh, great. I'm sitting at your table with a bulls-eye on my nose! End of Act 1 Act 2 Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment Frasier, Daphne and Martin are all dressed ready for the SeaBeas. Frasier is pacing the floor. Daphne: Now, now, Dr. Crane you've really got to try to relax. Frasier: Oh, you're right, Daphne. After all, what do I have to be nervous about? I'm only up for a major award. If I lose I'll be devastated. If I win then a madwoman who's been stalking me will have a clear shot when I accept! Daphne: Oh, don't worry about it so. That's what you hired a bodyguard for. Martin: I still don't see why. Most likely nothing's gonna happen, and even if it does I was a cop for thirty years. This whole thing's a waste of money. Frasier: Dad, there's a big difference between a policeman and a skilled bodyguard. These people are trained to size up a crowd, plan escape routes, even get shot if necessary. Martin: Hey, I know how to take a bullet. Frasier: Oh yes, that's just what your personality needs - another bullet! The doorbell goes. Frasier: That must be him. Who is it, please? Niles: Lizzie Borden. I want you to autograph my hatchet. Frasier opens the door to a smug Niles. Frasier: That's not very funny. Niles: Everyone ready to go? Martin: Nah, we're still waiting for his rent-a-goon. Frasier: Apparently he's stuck in traffic. Niles: Perhaps your admirer ran into him first and he's stuffed in some janitor's closet, his purple bloated tongue protruding above his freshly garroted neck. Is that champagne? Frasier: Well, you're a fountain of comfort this evening. Niles: Oh, I'm just teasing. If you must know I'm a little jealous. I told Maris about your troubles. All she does is sulk and talk about bodyguards. "Why don't we need one? Aren't we important enough to be stalked?" I have no idea what to say to the poor woman. Martin: Tell her to just go on being herself and her day will come. The doorbell goes. Frasier: That must be my muscle. Frasier looks through the security hole. Frasier: Dear God, it's a woman. Where's my bodyguard when I need him? Woman: Hello? It's Cindy Carruthers from The Unified Protection Agency. Martin: Your bodyguard's name is Cindy? What's the matter - they were all out of Tiffany's? Frasier: I was expecting someone big and wide like a Dominic, a Rocko, a Ruth even. Frasier opens the door to the woman. Frasier: Hello. So glad to see you. Cindy: Thank you Dr. Crane, but you just made a fatal mistake. Frasier: Oh my God, it is Kari! Cindy: No. I mean you should have called The Agency and asked for a description before you let me in. Cindy makes a call on her mobile. Cindy: Hi, Tina. Bring the car around to the service entrance. Frasier: Tina? Martin: I guess Candy was busy. Cindy: First rule for tonight is, trust no one you don't know. Martin: Ooh, let me write that down. Frasier: I suppose you're right. I just start to feel silly when I act paranoid. Cindy: Don't. Paranoid is good. Niles: [proudly] I was paranoid. Cindy: Who are these people? Frasier: [introducing] This is my brother Dr. Niles Crane, my father Martin and his home care specialist Daphne Moon. Daphne: [as Cindy shakes her hand] Goodness. You've seen quite a bit of mayhem in your day. Cindy: Excuse me? Daphne: Well you see, I can sense these things. I'm a bit psychic. Wait, I'm getting a flash now... Did you have a grandfather with a steel plate in his head? Cindy looks at Daphne suspiciously, then looks back at Frasier. Cindy: This lunatic who's been calling you - any particular accent? Frasier: No, no. Cindy: You have a security system in this place? Daphne: We don't need a security system. We've got Eddie here. Eddie is lying thoroughly bored on the couch. Cindy: Hello, Eddie. Eddie gets up and buries his head under the nearest pillow. Martin: Don't let him fool you. You lay a hand on me, you'd have a bite on your butt the size of a tennis ball. Frasier: And Eddie would go for your ankles! Daphne: My, look at the time. Shouldn't we be going? Cindy: You'd better let me secure the elevator. Wait here and don't open the door for anyone. By the way Dr. Crane, I'll need to know your blood type, location of the nearest trauma center and a list of any family members who'd be willing to donate organs. She exits. Niles: Just so you know, Frasier, I have unusually small kidneys. The phone goes and Daphne picks it up. Daphne: Hello, Crane residence... [puts her hand over the mouthpiece] I think it's her! Frasier: Niles - call Cindy. Put it on speaker. Daphne puts the call on speakerphone. Frasier: Hello. Kari: Hi. I know you're in a hurry but I just wanted to let you know I'll be wearing a bright red dress tonight. Frasier: Kari? Kari: But don't worry. You won't have to find me - I'll find you. [Eddie runs off to the bedrooms] Kari: Bye. Frasier: Kari, wait. [Kari hangs up] Daphne: Oh, don't let it bother you so. Come on, let's go. Quite frankly I find it hard to imagine a woman with such a sweet little voice being dangerous. Martin: Does the name Squeaky Fromme mean anything to you? They exit. [N.B. Squeaky Fromme was a female member of the Charles Manson cult.] [SCENE_BREAK] THE LADY IN RED Scene 2 - The SeaBea Awards Frasier, Martin, Daphne and Cindy walk in to a large crowded room at the Awards Ceremony. Cindy: Alright, we're seeing a lot of red dresses here, so let's go over some ground rules: Don't go anywhere alone. If you have to go to the men's room, go with a "buddy" and keep your back to the wall at all times. Martin: It's gonna take some marksmanship right there. Cindy: Don't move, but I think I see her. Red dress standing by the bar. She's staring at every man who comes in here but she's hiding her face behind a program. Frasier looks over but sees it is Roz covering her face (in particular her nose). Frasier: That is my producer Roz. She's harmless. She just has a pimple on her nose. Looks like some kind of biblical plague! Frasier goes to bring Roz over to the rest of the group and takes the program off her. Frasier: Roz, Roz, over here. Oh, give me that, will you? You look beautiful. Come join us. Roz comes over but now covers her nose with her hand. Cindy: Hi, I'm Cindy Carruthers. Roz: Hi. [looks over to Martin and Daphne still covering her nose] Hi. Daphne/Martin: [both covering their noses] Hi Frasier: Stop that! Now Roz, listen, you look terrific. You've done a wonderful little job with your problem there. It's practically disappeared. Bulldog wanders in and sees Roz. Bulldog: Whoa, Roz! Won't you guide my sleigh tonight? Roz walks off being consoled by Daphne. Bulldog turns to Cindy. Bulldog: And who's this lovely lady? Cindy: Cindy Carruthers. Frasier: Careful. She has a concealed weapon. Bulldog: Makes two of us. Martin: He's not kidding. She's his bodyguard. Bulldog: Hey. How'd you like to check out a body worth guarding? Cindy grabs Bulldog by the throat with a Ranger chokehold. Cindy: If I move my thumb a quarter of an inch, I could kill you. Bulldog: Whoa! I've never been so turned on in my life. She tightens her grip, forcing him to his knees. Bulldog: Ow, ow! OK, let me go. [Cindy releases him] So can I call you? She raises her hand and Bulldog runs off. Niles walks in. Frasier: You know, I wish this woman would just make her move. I hate this looking over my shoulder thinking it could be anyone. Niles: At least you know she's wearing a red dress. Martin: Maybe. Niles: What do you mean, "maybe"? Martin: [sarcastic] Well, I'm no professional bodyguard, but if I was a loony toon looking to whack a guy, you know maybe I just wouldn't tell the truth about what I was wearing. Cindy: No offence to your father, but I think you should stick to looking for a woman in a red dress. Daphne walks back in with Roz. Roz's hairstyle is truly hideous with a massive fringe covering one half of her face, completely obscuring her nose. Frasier looks slightly aghast. Daphne: Here we are. Good as new. Cindy: Well, should we all head up to the ballroom? Frasier: All right. Roz: [partially blinded by her hair] Help me! Daphne guides her towards the elevator. Frasier takes Niles aside. Frasier: Niles, just hear me out on this. Didn't it seem curious to you that Cindy was so quick to dismiss Dad's theory? Cindy who is not wearing a red dress? Niles: Frasier, you can't think that she's the... Frasier: Shh! Niles: Well she couldn't be the... Frasier: Shh!! Niles: Well, how... Frasier: SHH! Think about it. She was conveniently out of the apartment at precisely the moment the stalker phoned. Niles: So she was. And we know she has a cellular phone. That's how she called for the car. Frasier: What if it is Cindy? Why hasn't she made her move? Niles: Maybe she's waiting to get you alone. Niles and Frasier move towards the elevator to go up to the ballroom. Niles gets in but the lift is getting crowded. Cindy stops Frasier getting in. Cindy: Too many red dresses in there. We'll take our own elevator. Niles and Frasier gasp as Niles tries to reach out to Frasier but the elevator door closes. Frasier looks scared. Cindy: Don't be nervous. Frasier: Oh, I'm not nervous. I'm just a little chilly. It's a cold night. Cindy: Should have worn a scarf! Frasier: Yes, I suppose I should have. Believe me, I meant to. Honest. [grabbing for the elevator button] Where is that elevator? Cindy: You know I asked for this assignment? Truth is, I'm quite a fan of yours. But I guess you figured that out already? Frasier: Oh my God! Cindy: What? The elevator door opens. Frasier tries to distract Cindy by pointing at the other side of the room while he dives into the elevator. Frasier: There! Cindy: Where? Frasier: There, behind the bar! Frasier scrambles into the elevator and the doors close behind him. He looks relieved until he hears a voice behind him. It is a woman in a red dress. Woman: Frasier Crane? I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. I'm your number one fan. The woman goes to take something out of her purse. Before she can Frasier grabs her in an arm-lock. The elevator door opens to reveal Frasier pinning the woman to the ground. Niles and the others look on in amazement. Frasier: Roz, Roz, find Cindy! Woman: Help me, please! Get him off me! Roz: Frasier, are you insane? This is Mrs. Littlejohn - the Head of the Nominations Committee. Niles looks down at Mrs. Littlejohn who is still being pinned to the ground. Niles: Emilia Littlejohn? This is a small world. I know your brother Aubrey! Roz turns to look at Niles in disgust. Roz helps Frasier get Mrs. Littlejohn to her feet and help her out of the elevator. Frasier: Oh, I'm so sorry Mrs. Littlejohn. You see, it's just that, I'm being stalked by this woman named Kari and when you said that you'd been waiting for me, I... Littlejohn: To get an autograph for my niece! Frasier: Oh, well, who's got a pen? Mrs. Littlejohn walks off in disgust. Roz: Let's hope we win this year because we're not getting nominated next year! Niles: Roz, are you doing something different with your hair? Roz clouts Niles across the head. Cindy runs up to Frasier. Cindy: What happened? Why did you run away from me? Frasier: Oh, I'll tell you what happened. The paranoia has turned me into a crazy person. First I though you were the stalker. Then I thought she was the stalker, [pointing towards Mrs. Littlejohn] You know, I've had enough of this. I'm gonna confront this thing face to face. Frasier walks towards the elevator and gets in. Frasier: [practically shouting] Everyone! I will be in the lobby. Martin: Frasier, calm down... Frasier: I WILL BE IN THE LOBBY! Martin notices a woman sitting on a sofa wearing a red dress and a "bizarre" purple and white scarf. Martin: You're Kari, aren't you? Kari: How did you know? Martin: You made a scarf just like that for Frasier. He's my son. Kari: I think there's been a big misunderstanding. I'm just a fan. I never meant to frighten him. Martin: Well, what about that note - about the last guy who didn't wear the scarf ended up in his grave? Kari: That was my husband Walter. He caught pneumonia. I won't bother your son anymore. Could you just tell him what happened? Martin: I'll be glad to explain and, if I'm lucky, he won't understand and I'll have to explain all over again. Kari: I'm sure he'll understand. That's the one thing about your son, Mr. Crane - he's so smart and level-headed. Kari walks off. Martin: [to himself] What's she been smoking? CUT TO: Lobby Frasier's elevator opens out onto the lobby, which is empty. Frasier: Well, I'm here - you demented harpy. Come and get me. Frasier hears a door and looks to the other side of the room to see someone leaving. Frasier: Kari? Frasier follows through the door and ends up down in the parking lot. He can't see anyone else. Frasier: Alright, I know you're down here. Come on out and face me! Not so brave anymore, huh? You think you're tough but you're only tough as long as you're hiding in the shadows. You wanna see who's really tough? You just come on out here! From behind a parked van three rather big, rather burly men walk out and stare at Frasier. Frasier is taken aback. Frasier: When I said "tough" I was speaking clearly in a rhetorical sense. The three men start to walk towards Frasier as Frasier starts to walk backwards. Frasier: Would... er... any of you happen to have the time? Frasier takes off his watch and offers it to the men. Frasier: Would any of you like the time? Frasier turns and makes a run for the stairs back up to the Awards Ceremony whilst being chased. End of Act 2 [SCENE_BREAK] Mrs. Littlejohn announces the award and Frasier has won it. However when Frasier and Roz go up to accept it, Roz still has her ridiculous hairdo and Frasier has obviously been beaten up, his shirt half undone and his hair in a mess. They make their speeches and get off the podium as quickly as possible. [N.B. The question of whether or not Frasier has actually won a SeaBea has been a source of confusion in later episodes. This tag seems to establish that he has, and we see his SeaBea in Season Three's "The Show Where Diane Comes Back," but later episodes say he's never won it. Perhaps they overlooked this tag.]	Plan: A: a radio award; Q: What is Frasier's show nominated for? A: Renée Lippin; Q: Who played Kari? A: an over-enthusiastic admirer; Q: What is Kari's character? Summary: Frasier's show is nominated for a radio award, but his concerns about Kari (Renée Lippin), an over-enthusiastic admirer whose attentions verge on stalking, make it a less-than-pleasant evening.
At Cohen's Julie: Hello? Ryan: It's me, I'm leaving. Julie: Do you need anything? Ryan: No. Seth's bedroom Seth: So when does the plane land in Providence? Half an hour? Well, okay, but I need to talk to her now. Do you think you could maybe connect me to the pilot? I'm... Damn it. At Roberts' Julie: It took the investigator six months to find Volchok. Ryan, this may be the only chance we get. Ryan: He's not going to get away. I'll call you later. At Cohen's house Seth: Ryan, hey, you're up bright and early. Ryan: I'm late. Seth: Really? Late where? It's 6:00 in the morning. You got a paper route or something? Ryan: The gym. Oh. Seth: Could you drop me off at the store? There's a new Supergirl maquette coming in and I want to be there before Philip and Leon get their greasy paws on it. Ryan: Yeah, the gym's the other way, I'm sorry. Seth: I heard you on the phone. Ryan: You were spying on me? Seth: I wasn't spying on you. I was calling Summer to find out why she left. What are you doing? Ryan: It's none of your business. Seth: Listen, if you know where Volchok is, let's just call the police. Ryan: No, I'm not calling the police. Seth: I can't let you go. Ryan: It's not really your choice. Seth: So what? Then, you're just going to find Volchok and either kill him or get yourself killed? That's insane. Ryan: This conversation is over. What are you... what are you doing? Seth: I'm coming with you. It's not like you're leaving me any choice. Ryan: I'm going to tell the cops. I just need to see him first. Seth: No offense, but, like, nobody believes that. Ryan: If I tell Sandy or the cops, they'll make me stay away. I need to be there when they arrest him. The only way for me to do that is if I'm there first. Seth: Okay, take me with you. Ryan: No. Seth: I won't get in the way. You know how stealth I can be. Why not? If that's really all you're going to do. Ryan: Okay. You have to do everything I say. Seth: All right, you're the boss. So where we going? Ryan: Mexico. Seth: Perfect, I need Chiclets. Généric At Brown's college Che: They call this a place of higher learning. I'll tell you what I'm learning. I'm learning to think for myself. I'm learning that what they call their property... No, it's our world. Summer! Hey! Summer: Hey. Che: It's so good to see you Where have you been? Summer: Oh, um, I had to go home. It was kind of an emergency, but everything's okay now. It was just hard being there. Che: What an amazing spirit you have. I'll bet you, in a past life, you were an eagle, soaring through mountain passes. Do you ever have dreams of flying? Summer: No, not really. What's going on? Che: Oh, right, the present, yes. 19:00 hours last night, the board of trustees-- talk about an oxymoron-- voted to cut down this majestic tree. Summer: What? They can't do that. Che: Exactly. Summer: I mean, this tree was, was an acorn in the primordial miasma of America. Che: It saw the rise of this country, Summer, and in my opinion, its fall. Now they want to cut it down so some hung over sophomore can get to Poli-Sci ten seconds faster. Summer: So what's the plan? Che: The plan is to open people's minds. The plan is to rejec their dollar-driven notions of progress. Summer: Che, what's the actual plan? Che: Oh, yeah, uh, the actual plan. We've got a petition and a 24-hour tree-sit set to go so if that doesn't work, revolution. Summer: Okay, well, why don't we just start with the tree-sit? Che: I am so glad you're back. So is Mother Earth. Mm. She loves you very much. Summer: I love her. Che: Good. Okay. Summer's with us! (activists clapping) Summer's bedroom MACHINE VOICE: You have no new messages. Taylor: Seth left you a message last night, but I accidentally erased it. Summer: Hey. Taylor? What are you doing in my bed? Taylor: Do you want to get in? We could snuggle. Summer: No. Um, what are you doing here and why are you listening to my messages, Taylor? Taylor: I don't suppose you have an espresso maker. Summer: What are you wearing? Taylor: What? I always sleep in this. Summer: Okay, just put this on... immediately. Okay, now, will you tell me what's going on? First, you're in Newport when you're supposed to be in France. Then, your mom shows up and you run away and-- How did you get here before me? Do you have a secret twin? Because that would explain so much. Taylor: Okay, okay, sit down. I'm going to explain everything to you. So, um... Something... happened in France. Just something... huge. And, uh, I came back to tell my mom about it, and then, I just got really scared and, uh, I was completely lost, Summer. But then I realized that you... were the one person who would understand.Summer, I... Oh, my God. When was the last time you shaved your legs? It's like a forest, and-- Oh, my God, your toenails. Summer: Okay, yeah, I don't do that stuff anymore. Taylor: Obviously. You've got hobbit feet. Che: Summer? Enrique just saw two guys with chainsaws. This thing is going down right now. Summer: Okay, um,... Taylor, I'm sorry; my dining card is on the desk. We will talk about this later, I promise, okay? Taylor: Okay. At Harbor Woman: Six absentees, 13 tardies? Mr. Street said she fell asleep twice in Latin. Julie: Well, you can't blame her for that. I'm getting no reception. How many bars do you have?Woman: She has a whole slew of missed assignments, and during bio lab, Mr. Castle got the strong sense Kaitlin was flirting with him. Julie: Is he the really short one? I'm, I'm sure she just thought he was a student. Woman: Mrs. Cooper, you're in the office of the dean of discipline. This doesn't happen because of misunderstandings. Julie: Right, well, Dear Torres, Kaitlin tests in the top three percent of her class. She's a natural leader. Surely, this is just... Woman: All the more reason she shouldn't waste her potential. Tell me, how are things at home? Julie: Good. Things are good. I don't know what to say. Yes, things have been difficult, but we're doing our best. Neil works a lot. He actually just left this morning for a conference in Seattle. But he and Kaitlin are good friends and, and things are good. Woman: And you and Kaitlin? Talk about school, her life? Julie: I'm sorry, look, Kaitlin is 15 years old. If I don't find voodoo dolls of myself in her bedroom, I'm happy. Woman: Harbor's running a clothing drive for the refugees in Darfur. Julie: That's a great idea; I'll make sure she's there. Woman: Julie... On a different note, do you know if cell phones work in Mexico? I'd like you and Kaitlin to do the clothing drive together. Julie: Excuse me? At Cohen's house Kirsten: That's exactly what I said. Sandy: And there was nothing else? Kirsten: Nothing. Sandy: Angry? Nudfo? Chocolate love? Nude fo... Nudfo? Is that a word? Kirsten: Not that I know of. Sandy: When did you find this? Kirsten: Just now, when I went to see if the boys had anything to give to the clothing drive. Sandy: You tried calling them? Kirsten: No answer. Sandy: You know what I think this is? Kirsten: A coded message? Sandy: Nothing. It's probably the name of a band. Seth wrote it ona piece of paper and put it in his pocket. Relax, sweetheart. Seth: Dad, it's me. Sandy: Hello. Seth: Did you get my note? I had to write it in code in case Ryan found it. Sandy: Right, the note. Seth: Yeah, he says he's not going to do anything to Volchok. Sandy: Wait, wait, what? Seth: I thought you got the note. Sandy: No, no, no. I got the "Angry Nudfo Chocolate Love" note. I didn't get the one about Ryan following Volchok. Kirsten: What? Seth:It's an anagram. Sandy: Oh, yeah? Well, since when is there a G in Ryan? Seth: I was in a rush; I had to add a few letters so it made sense. Sandy: Well, you certainly succeeded 'cause this thing is about as clear as mud. Kirsten: "Ryan found Volchok." Of course. Sandy: Where are you? Okay, don't freak out. Please say Newport. Seth: We're in Mexico. Kirsten: He didn't say Newport, did he? Seth: We're at a gas station outside Ensenada, but Ryan promises he just wants to see Volchok. Sandy: I want you guys back here right now. Seth: No offense, Dad, but that may be a tad unrealistic. Sandy: Let me talk to Ryan. Seth: Yeah, I got to go; I'll call you later. Sandy: Seth! In Mexico Seth: Hey, I was just leaving Summer a message. You ready to, uh, ándale? Ryan: What did you tell Sandy? Seth: Uh... Ah. Ryan: Did you tell him about Volchok? Seth: Yeah, I did, and honestly, I'm glad because you're starting to freak me out. I know you want to kill him. Ryan: Yeah, I do... but I'm not going to, all right? You either trust me on that or you don't. Seth: All right, I trust you. Ryan: All right, let's go to Ensenada and find him. Seth: But I can't keep watching you to make sure you're not calling your dad. Seth: It's going to be kind of hard now. Kaitlin's bedroom Brad: Ow, you cut me. So stop moving. Kaitlin: You guys are gayer than your dad. Brad: It's for water polo, coach's orders. Kaitlin: That doesn't make it any less gay. Brad: Yeah, well, our brother slept with your mom. Kaitlin: Yeah. Nice try. Big gay dad trumps slutty mom. Eric: No, it doesn't. Kaitlin: Yeah, ask anybody. Gay dad always trumps slutty mom. Brad: Dude, come on, it's burning. Eric: It's all right. Hey, did you talk to your mom about, uh, Dr. Roberts and his ex-wife? Kaitlin: No. He's at a conference in Seattle, and I'm sure totally alone. Julie: Here you are. You are so... What are they doing? Kaitlin: Their dad's gay. Both: Hey, Miss Cooper. Julie: I just thought you'd like to know that I just got called in to Dean Torres' office, and because of you, I have to work the clothing drive. Kaitlin: No way. That's too funny. Julie: I'm glad you think so. I'll see you there at 6:00. Kaitlin: What?! Julie: 6:00 o'clock. No arguments. Stop hitting on Mr. Castle. At Cohen's Sandy: You're giving awayRyan's leather jacket? He's not going to be happy. Kirsten: Well, he told me I could. Sandy: Wait a minute, this one's mine. I love wearing this jacket. Kirsten: That's the problem. They didn't call. I just... I feel so... Sandy: Honey, Seth is going to call back, and then we'll get some real information, and then we can do something. Kirsten: I'm going to take this over to Harbor. Will you call me if anything... Sandy: Of course. Kirsten: Do you want your jacket back? Sandy: No... but thanks. Can I give you a hand? Kirsten: No... but thanks. Mexico - Motel Seth: Oh. So this is what 15 bucks buys you in Ensenada. Ryan: Well, it's only for a couple hours. Seth: And we're here because? Ryan: Well, I only know the bar he works at. But he only works nights, and, uh, I don't want him seeing us walking around during the day. Seth: Fair enough. I'm going to use the restroom. I did not want to go numero dos in the gas station. Ryan: It's all yours. Seth: Wow, the decorator clearly spent all her time in here. Whoa, man, you got to come see this spider. It's uh... Ryan, could you bring a magazine or a chair, Ryan? Ryan? Oh. Mexico - Pub Man: Hey, this ain't the bathroom, man. You need something? Ryan: Does a guy named Volchok work here? Man: Used to. Fired his ass. Ryan: Yeah? You know where I can find him? Man: Yeah, man, let me check my Rolodex. Ryan: Hell, no. Anybody else know? Man: Hey, this guy's looking for Volchok. You know where he's at? The guy's gone. Maybe you should be, too. That's like a hint, bro. Brown's college - Summer's bedroom Taylor: Oh, hi. I'm Taylor. I'm one of Summer's friends from Newport. Amber: Amber, Summer's roommate. Taylor: Oh, we must have missed each other last night. Amber: Yeah, I didn't make it home. Taylor: Got ya. College. Very cool. So, uh, Summer's really gotten into this whole green planet thing, huh? Still, you'd think she would have at least one picture of her friends, right? I mean, look at your nice collage. Who are all those guys? Amber: That's my boyfriend. He goes to Penn. The others are just guys. Taylor: Guys like...? Oh. Amber: You think I'm a slut, don't you? Taylor: No. No, of course not. Amber: Sure you do. It's not your fault, it's society. A guy can sleep with as many girls as he wants. A girl does it, she's a slut. Taylor: There's three guys in that picture. Amber: Oh, relax. I put this up for my social taboo class to see how people would respond. I didn't sleep with them all. Well, that's a relief. Most are just oral s*x. Taylor: Well, that's a very nice collage And it only highlights how impersonal Summer's side of the room is. She doesn't even have a single picture of her boyfriend. Amber: Summer has a boyfriend? You mean Che? Taylor: Who's Che? Mexico - Pub Seth: Well, excuse me. I-I was... I was, um... Excuse me, I don't want to... I don't want to bother you. I was just wondering... Man: What? Stop stuttering. Seth: Okay, uh, a friend of mine's in trouble, and I can't leave without him, so I... Man: Did you hear what he said? Seth: Uh, you know what? You guys are busy, so... Man: Never leave a man behind! All: Never leave a man behind! Never ! Man. Man: I love you, man. Yeah. We love you. I love this guy! We're doing shots! All: Shots! Seth: Time! I got to find my buddy, so why don't you guys do shots? Man: First we do shots. Then we find your friend. I mean, we're brothers, right? Seth: Oh, well, that's a little fast, but... Man: And then we get tattoos! All: Tattoos! Seth: Great. This is great. This is... Aah! At Harbour Kaitlin: Mom, I mean it. I really have to go study. Julie: Please, honey. At least come up with an excuse I believe. This is nice. Kaitlin: So why don't you try it on? Julie: Because it's not a sample sale, Kaitlin, it's for the refugees. Kaitlin: The very lucky refugees. Julie: Tell me about it. Kirsten: Oh, hi, Julie. I didn't know youwere doing this. Julie: Hey, Kirsten. Well, you know, got to stay involved. But look at you. I mean, your kids don't even go here anymore. Kirsten: Right. Julie: Something wrong? Kirsten: The boys went to Mexico without asking us. I'm sure they're fine, but... Julie: Wait. Seth went, too? Why...? I mean, he just doesn't seem like Mr. Donkey show. Kirsten: Not that they're at a donkey show, or-or even know what-what a donkey show... Julie: Have you seen how great some of these clothes are? Excuse me. Kaitlin: What's a donkey show? Kirsten: That's a question for your mother. [SCENE_BREAK] Julie: Hello? Ryan: He wasn't there. Julie: What? Ryan: He got fired. Nobody knows where he is. Julie: But he was supposed to be there. He has to be there. Ryan: Uh, I'll keep looking. I'll call you if I find anything. [SCENE_BREAK] Kirsten: I hope everything's okay. Kaitlin: Maybe it was just Dr. Roberts. He could have some bad news or something. At Brown's college Taylor: Move it, hippies. Che: And in the Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan, they don't even have a gross national product. They measure gross national happiness. Isn't that just beautiful? Summer: Taylor, hey. Uh, you can have my bed tonight, 'cause I'm going to spend the night out here. Taylor:Uh-huh. I need to talk to you. Summer: Wait. Taylor, hold. Can't your secret wait? Taylor: This isn't about that, Summer. What is going on with you and that Che character? Summer: That Che character? What are you talking about? Taylor: I have eyes, Summer, and ears, and I don't like what I' hearing, or what I'm seeing. Summer: Okay, maybe that makes sense in French, but not so much in English. Taylor: Have you called Seth back? You haven't, have you? Che: Summer, uh, my chains are coming loose. Summer: I'll call him later, okay? I'm busy. Taylor: You need to talk to him now. Summer: Look, they're going to cut down this tree, Taylor! Taylor: Well, then we'll have a fire. Talk to him. Unless you're afraid that Johnny Appleseed might overhear. Summer: Hello? Seth? It's some Mexican guy. Happy? Taylor: What? Seth? Mexico - Pub All (chanting): USMC! USMC! USMC! USMC! You drink now, pansy! Seth: Oh, this is good. Double Bob. Miguel: You're staying with us, pal. You ain't going anywhere. Seth: Mmm. Miguel: One more shot. One more shot. You're about to do that shot, or there's going to be about six marines kicking your ass. Wait. Maybe just one more shot. At Cohen's Sandy: We're doing the right thing in trusting them. Kirsten: I know. Sandy: They're adults. We couldn't have stopped them if we tried. Kirsten: I know. Sandy: I'm going to Mexico. Kirsten: I'm going with you. Mexico - Pub Seth: Uh, excuse me. Man: What do you want? Seth: Nothing, actually. 18 tequilas is my limit. I'm looking for my friend Ryan. Uh, he's-he's about... He's about... He's in there somewhere, and he's... and he's looking for a guy named Volchok. He kind of killed his girlfriend. Man: Leave. Seth: I've got a tattoo, pal. A tattoo! Man: Now! Seth: Okay. Girl: Hey. Your friend was here earlier. Seth: You know where he went? Because that guy in there was, like, very unhelpful. Girl: Is that true? That Volchok killed a girl? Seth: Yes. Girl: I know where he's. Mexico - In the street Kirsten: So now what? Ryan's not answeringhis phone and we keep getting that Mexican guy every time you call Seth. Sandy: Well, at least we know our phones work here. So they can reach us. I say we just start pounding the pavement, or the-the dirt, as the case may be. Kirsten: Were we crazy coming here? Sandy: Driving all night into a foreign country where neither of usspeak the language and where we only have a vague notion of-of where they are? Yeah, that's a little crazy. Kirsten: How much longer do we keep doing this? Rescuing them every time they're in trouble. Sandy: Oh, I don't know. But for now, I think that's our job. Kirsten: I want you to know that I took two semesters of Spanish. Sandy: Well, then you can be our tour guide. Mexico - Motel Seth: Hi. Hi. Um, do you, uh... I'm so thirsty. Did you see my friend come in last night by any chance? I'm in the room without windows. Well, how many rooms do you have without windows? I see. Um, could I place a call to America, please? Brown's college - Summer's bedroom Taylor: Lo se, Miguel, pero alomejor Maria solo esta pasando por una etapa. Si. Uh, me-me tengo que ir. Summer: Who are you talking to? Taylor: Oh, Miguel. The guy with Seth's phone. He is having problems with his girlfriend. Summer: Taylor... Where you going? Taylor: Back to Newport. I realized that my problems are not going to be solved here. Because the truth is, you need help far more than I do. Summer: Hmm. God, have you ever tried sleeping outside? There is so much grass and you can't turn off the stars. Taylor: Look, you want to be the next Julia Butterfly Hill, I support that. But to push away Seth for some guy who read Siddhartha and did a couple of outward bound courses. Summer: Are you talking about Che? Che is just my friend and that is all. This is not a love triangle. I don't do love triangles anymore. Taylor: Fine, but you're using him and all of this save the Earth stuff to hide from Seth. Summer: I'm not hiding from Seth. Taylor: Really? Well, how often do you call him? Once a week? Once a month? Summer, just talk to me. Or better yet, talk to Seth. Write him a letter. But you have to tell him what you're going through. He'll understand. Summer: I think you spent too much time in France, because here in America, we hide our feelings. And since when did saving the Earth become such a bad thing? Taylor: I never said that. Summer: No, but you came here with this big secret, but you've spent the whole time telling me what's wrong with my life! And you're the one that's avoiding, avoider! Taylor: Be that way. But you're going to lose Seth. And then you'll wish you listened to me. And I was going to tell you how I went to France, got married, and now I have to get a divorce from my French husband, and you would have found the story très intéressant. Au revoir, Summer. Summer: Hey, where did this stupid espresso machine come from anyway? Taylor: It's a gift! Mexico - Hotel Seth: Hey. I couldn't find your toothbrush. Uh, just don't leave. So did you kill him? I mean, that was the plan, right? The real plan. Not the lie you told me when you said trust me, man? Ryan: You-you don't understand. Seth: The guy killed Marissa, you loved her. What don't I understand? Ryan: No one made you come. Seth: You think I want to be here? Summer came back for the first time in months, left without saying good-bye. I could be losing her right now. Ryan: All right, go home. Seth: That is not the point. Ryan: I didn't find him. Seth: Good, great, then let's both go home together. Ryan: And I'm not leaving until I find him. Seth: So then, what are you going to do, you going to stay here forever? You going to live in Ensenada? You going to open a piñataria? Huh? You going to open a burrito stand? You know what, fine, if I tell you where he is, you promise not to kill him? Ryan: What? Seth: I went to the bar last night-- I guess one you'd already been to-- and apparently the waitress and Volchok had had a thing... Ryan: Where is he? Seth: Do you promise not to do anything? Ryan: I'm gonna ask you one more time-- where is he? At Roberts' Kaitlin: What are you watching? Julie: TV's Dumbest Cops. Are people in America really this fat? Kaitlin: You haven't moved in 18 hours. Is everything okay? Julie: Fine. The world is an amoral toilet bowl, and one day we'll all be flushed. Kaitlin: Okay, wow. That was a really uplifting message for your daughter. Julie: It's better you know now. Kaitlin: Okay. I'm just gonna go to the clothing drive. Julie: Why? Kaitlin: Because, believe it or not, I actually want a life. Right now that means school and a stupid clothing drive. So I suck it up. You know, some of us are still alive. Mexico - Volchock's appartment Volchock: Now, this is a surprise. Seth: You alone? Volchock: Yeah. How'd you find me? Seth: The girl you... worked with, the waitress at the bar. Volchock: Right. Yeah, her boyfriend wants to kill me. Seth: Well, he's gonna have to get in line-- Ryan's in Ensenada. Volchock: You didn't tell him where I was? Seth: I thought about it, but in the end I gave him the wrong address. Volchock: Why you looking out for me? Seth: I'm not. I just don't want Ryan to ruin his life by murdering you. Volchock: I'm touched. Seth: So, you just taking off? Volchock: Isn't that why you're here? Warn me to get out of town? Seth: He's gonna find you again. Volchock: Maybe. Seth: So, what, then... you keep running, he keeps chasing you, best-case scenario, you do that for the rest of your lives? Volchock: Till I get tired of running, yeah. Seth: You should turn yourself in. Volchock: There's an idea. Seth: My dad's a lawyer-- he could help you get a good deal. Volchock: It'd still be prison. Seth: He could make sure you're in a safe place. Volchock: You know, this reunion has been great, it really has. But... I got to go. Seth: You can't keep running from this. Volchock: Let's see if your boy can find me again. Seth: I'm not talking about Ryan. You should let my dad help you. You didn't mean to kill her. Volchock: I know. But she's dead. That's all that matters. Mexico - Pub Ryan: Seth set me up, didn't he? Kirsten: He called; he was worried. Sandy: Come on, let's go home. Ryan: Why? So we can pretend like everything's the way it used to be? Sandy: We all miss her. It's never gonna be the way that it used to be. But we are still a family. Ryan: You don't understand. He's here. Seth: No. He's gone. Airport Summer: Taylor? Taylor: Don't worry, Summer, I'm leaving. I was just postponing the trauma of going though security. Summer: Look, I'm... I'm so sorry. Taylor: Oh, my God, I am, too. Oh, I don't want to fight with you. Even if you are all gross and smelly. Summer: And you can show up on my doorstep anytime. Taylor: And how you live your life is your business. Summer: No, you were right. Taylor: You are in love with Che? Summer: No. No, about the Seth thing. I have been pulling away. It's just... Taylor: Summer, I understand. But Seth will, too. Just try. Summer: So when you said that, uh, you got married, did that mean that, um... Taylor Yeah, um, I am now Madame Taylor Townsend DeMemorol. Summer: Oh, my God. But how? Taylor: I keep asking myself the same question. I-I met him, and the next thing I knew, we were in his family's chapel in Burgundy saying... I remember telling Ethan Hawke at the rehearsal dinner... Summer: Ethan Hawke was at your rehearsal dinner? Taylor: Oh, yes. Henri Michel translated one of his novels into French as a joke, of course, but don't tell Ethan that. Um, I got to go. Summer: But Taylor, you got married. Taylor: It was Paris. It seemed like the thing to do. Okay, promise me you'll write to Seth? Okay, see you at Thanksgiving. Bye. Oh, by the way, your roommate is a big slut. Summer: Yeah, I know. Taylor: Okay. Harbour Kaitlin: Will you guys hurry up? Eric: Check out these awesome leather jackets we found. Kaitlin: Your dad would be extremely proud. Brad: Now can we go? Julie: Kaitlin? Kaitlin: Mom. What are you doing here? Julie: Well, uh, what you said earlier struck a nerve. Life might be difficult, but it's our job to make the best of it. You inspired me. So, what are you doing? How can I help? Kaitlin: Um, well, the school promised a local shelter some clothes, so we're just bringing them over. But I think we have it handled. Brad: Yeah, we got it. Eric: Thanks, Miss Cooper. Julie: Oh, okay. Director: Julie, I'm glad you're here. Can I talk to you for a second? Julie: Mm-hmm. Okay. Director: I don't know how to say this, but this afternoon Amy Bennett found two tops she donated at a used clothing boutique. Julie: Amy Bennett buys used clothing? Director: Julie, someone has been stealing clothes from the drive and selling them. Julie: But who would do...? Oh, no. Kaitlin: Oh, crap. Brown - Summer's bedroom Summer: Dear, Seth, I know you think I've changed, and I'm avoiding you.. Dear, Seth... Dear, Seth, the reason I've been so distant is that... The truth is... The truth is... Seth, I still love you. I really, really still love you. I just can't... Oh, I just can't. In the car Sandy: Thanks for driving. I didn't get much sleep last night. Seth: Yeah, no problem. Sandy: You did the right thing, Seth. Seth: You mean, betraying my best friend by ratting him out to my parents? Sandy: You might have saved his life today. And sooner or later, he's going to realize that. In another car Kirsten: You okay? You hungry? This was my worst nightmare, when you first came to live with us, that Seth would follow you somewhere and get hurt. Ryan: I know, I shouldn't have taken him, I'm sorry. Kirsten: What I was going to say, all that's changed is now I have two children to worry about. At Brown's college Che: Summer, hey, I am so... Summer: Glad to see me? I know. Um, I made wheat grass soup so we can stay out there all night if have to. Che: Where you going? Summer: We have a tree to save. Che: Whoa, Summer, slow down. Summer: But there's no time. There's no time for anything. We have to save this tree. Che: But we did. The dean just came by. They're not going to cut the tree down. We won. Summer: I can't believe this. Che: Oh, I get your point. What if they go back on their word? I told them we'd be watching. Like a hawk over the Serengeti, we'll be watching, so I think our friend is safe for now. Summer: So, that's it? Well, I mean, can't we just go out there anyway? Che: Oh, I get it. Why are we only with our tree friends in times of danger? We should be with them in times of joy, too. Summer: Exactly. That's exactly what I mean. Che: Yeah. I could learn a lot from you, Summer Roberts. Summer: Yeah. In the car Sandy: Oh, my gosh. Seth: Yeah, I know. It... Some marines were helping me look for Ryan. It was a bonding thing. Sandy: Wow. It's-It's-It's... You know, the artwork is really good. What's this... What's this say beneath? Seth: Uh, Senorita Vixen. One of the marines got one, too. He thought it was pretty cool. He may have been ... though. Sandy: You know, it does have a certain... Seth: Gay vibe. Were you going to say gay vibe? Sandy: Exactly. Let's see what Summer has to say. You know, the one thing I keep thinking about... ...is how Ryan could have found Volchok in the first place. Seth: Oh, please, just leave me out of it. Sandy: It would have taken a private investigator, which means money. And any way I cut it, it leads back to just one person. At Roberts' Julie: There'll be no more hanging out with Brad and Eric. You're to come straight home after school. Do you have any idea how lucky you are that Dean Torres didn't expel you? Kaitlin: Mom, this whole thing is just a crock anyway. Julie: And how is that? Kaitlin: Do you really think that Sudanese refugees have an overwhelming need for Paul Frank tops and last season Manolo Blahniks? Julie: So, what, you think you can steal them? Kaitlin: Look, I did research on the Web. They have mountains of donated clothing in warehouses in New Jersey. They have all they've ever needed. Julie: You just made that up. Kaitlin: Maybe. But it sounded true, didn't it? Julie: Kaitlin...I can't do this. I can't... I can't keep this family together and have you running around like Miss Clockwork Orange. I... I can't. Honey, please. I need your help. Kaitlin: Mom, do you really think that Dr. Roberts is at that conference by himself? Julie: No, of course not. Look, maybe I can make you some ice cream... if you want. Julie: That would be nice. Just hold on. Hello? Yes, of course. I'll be right there. Honey, I have to step out for a minute. Take a rain check, okay? Kaitlin: Okay. Yatch club Julie: Sandy, what is it? You said it was important. Sandy: I thought you might want to know that Ryan and Seth are back home, that Volchok's disappeared. Julie: What are you talking about? Sandy: Stop it. You told Ryan where to find Volchok. Even for you, this is a new low. Julie: Okay, you know what? You're crazy. I'm just going to say good night. Sandy: You sent Ryan down there to commit a murder. I could have you arrested. Julie: But then you'd get Ryan arrested, and you're not going to do that, are you? Sandy: If anything had happened to him or to Seth... Julie: Okay, it's late, and I'm not in the mood for threats. Sandy: Sit down. After everything our families have been through, you would put our kids in danger? Julie: At least you still have all your kids. At Cohen's Seth: Hey. How was your drive? Kirsten: Quiet. Yours? Seth: We got stopped at the border.I think they had a picture of dad from his long-hair days. Did he say anything about me? Maybe a rant about Judas? Kirsten: Of course not. Seth: You okay? Kirsten: Yeah. It's just been a long couple of days. But I'm really glad you're home. End of the episode	Plan: A: Ryan; Q: Who goes on a road trip to Mexico with Seth? A: Volchok; Q: What character do Ryan and Seth hope to find in Mexico? A: Taylor; Q: Who tells Summer why she's not in France? A: Kaitlin's behavior results; Q: What causes Julie to volunteer at Harbor's clothing drive? Summary: Ryan and Seth go on a road trip to Mexico, in hopes of finding Volchok, and are soon followed by Sandy and Kirsten. Taylor tells Summer why she's not in France. Kaitlin's behavior results in Julie volunteering at Harbor's clothing drive.
MUSIC IN: EXT. VIRGINIA BEACH STAGE - DAY JAMEL JONES: What's going on, Virginia Beach?! (SFX: SHOUTS AND APPLAUSE) JAMEL JONES: Yo! Yo! You all ready to get this started? Are you ready? Hey, how are you feeling? Maybe you didn't hear me! I said, how you feeling, Virginia Beach?! (SFX: SHOUTS AND APPLAUSE) JAMEL JONES: All right! Ya'll ready for me to bring out these women?! (SFX: SHOUTS AND APPLAUSE) JAMEL JONES: All right. All right. Let's get started. Our first contestant is a teacher, and enjoys long, hard... math problems. Please give a warm welcome to Monica! (SFX: SHOUTS AND APPLAUSE) JAMEL JONES: God bless you, baby. Man! All right, our next young lady is a Capricorn, and one of Jamel's personal favorites. Say hello to Tina!! (SFX: SHOUTS AND APPLAUSE) JAMEL JONES: Our third contestant is a Navy girl. So stand at attention, boys. This is the beautiful Tiffany! Do we have a contestant number three? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. RESTROOM - DAY JAMEL JONES: (V.O.) Well apparently Tiffany had some place better to be. (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: What's new, Abs? ABBY: Hey, Tony. I'm digging the tie. Is it new? TONY: Yeah, I just got it last weekend. It's Zegna. ABBY: I like. TONY: I'm glad. I paid over a hundred bucks for it. KATE: Why do you always do that? TONY: What? KATE: You always have to announce how much you paid for your clothes. It's weird. TONY: What's weird? Abby asked me about my tie. I answered. It's called a conversation, Kate. KATE: No, Abby asked you if it was new. She didn't ask you how much you paid for it. The two things have no correlation. TONY: Well, if I didn't pay for it, then it wouldn't be new, now would it? KATE: What is the point of bragging to us about how much you spend on your clothes? We work with you. We all know how much you make. MCGEE: I don't. KATE: Look, all I'm trying to say is that it's not very professional. Gibbs would never walk in here and tell us how much he paid for his shirt. TONY: That's because the prices have been pretty consistent at Sears since the late seventies. GIBBS: We have a body in Virginia Beach. McGee? MCGEE: Yeah? GIBBS: Call Ducky. MCGEE: You got it. TONY: Hey Boss, have you had a chance to sign off on that missing person's report I gave you? GIBBS: No, DiNozzo, I haven't. I tried to get to it last night but Sears was having a sale. (DOOR CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. VIRGINIA BEACH - DAY (SFX: POLICE SIREN) KATE: I give him five seconds. MCGEE: Until what? KATE: Until Tony notices there's a.... TONY: Bikini contest!? GIBBS: It's over, DiNozzo. Gear up. SOMMERS: Agent Gibbs? Lieutenant Sommers, Virginia Beach Police. I assume you want to take this one. GIBBS: You assume correctly, Lieutenant. SOMMERS: As soon as we found her Norfolk I.D. card, we cleared out. I brought in extra men just to seal off the area. GIBBS: Bikini doesn't leave much room for an I.D. SOMMERS: There was a small beach bag next to her in the stall. GIBBS: What is Volt Entertainment? SOMMERS: It's a local cable channel that caters to men. They air all of the contests. KATE: I'll get a dub. GIBBS: Who discovered the body? SOMMERS: An elderly woman at about fourteen hundred. She notified one of my men shortly after. She was pretty frantic. GIBBS: Where is she? SOMMERS: She's in my car back there. You don't want to see her, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: Kate. KATE: He's not really one for chit-chat. SOMMERS: I can see that. TONY: Are there any more girls from the bikini contest? GIBBS: Hey, DiNozzo! TONY: Right behind you, Boss. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. BATHROOM - DAY TONY: That is one hell of a swirlie. MCGEE: A swirlie? TONY: You take the kid by the ankles, dunk him in the toilet, then flush. Usually reserved for dorks. Does it look familiar, Probie? MCGEE: I don't think so. Noogies, sure. Wedgies... an occasional Melvin. But uh... no. GIBBS: If you two don't start working, I will show you hazing. And the Marine Corps does not do wedgies or noogies or melvins. TONY: Thank you, Boss. GIBBS: DiNozzo, measure and sketch these footprints TONY: You think she made them, Boss? GIBBS: Well, they match her shoes. TONY: Not smudged. No sign of panic. Think she went to the toilet voluntarily? GIBBS: No sign of a struggle. No bruises on her arms and neck. MCGEE: Why wouldn't she run or fight back? TONY: Maybe she didn't have a chance to. She could've been in the vomiting position when she was attacked. GIBBS: That's good, DiNozzo. TONY: Thanks, Boss. GIBBS: Now get down on the floor and start sketching her footprints. TONY: This is a public restroom, Boss. It's disgusting. GIBBS: It could be worse. TONY: How could it be worse? GIBBS: Could be a men's room. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. WOMEN'S RESTROOM - DAY DUCKY: Ah, Jethro. GIBBS: Hey, Duck. DiNozzo and McGee will be done in a few minutes. DUCKY: Oh, no hurry. It takes time to do detailed and concise work. Mister Palmer, here, finishes his work quite quickly. JIMMY: Thank you, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BOARDWALK - DAY KATE: (INTO PHONE) Well thank you, Sergeant Klein. You have been very helpful. Thanks. (TO GIBBS) Her name was Petty Officer Tiffany Jordan. Her C.O. said she was deployed on the U.S.S. Monroe for the last fifty-seven days. Ship returned to port yesterday about this time. GIBBS: What did the witness say? KATE: She doesn't usually use public restrooms. Has a phobia. GIBBS: Well, this won't help. Victim's address? KATE: Nine-three-seven-five Rosewood Drive, Norfolk. GIBBS: Come on, let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. RESTROOM - DAY TONY: She's all yours, boys. DUCKY: Thank you, gentlemen. TONY: I love the beach. Reminds me of college. MCGEE: I thought you went to Ohio State? TONY: I'm talking about Spring Break, Probie. Every year my buddies and I would hop in the car and head down to Panama City. MCGEE: At MIT we never did the whole Spring Break thing. TONY: Go figure. MCGEE: Is it as wild as it looks on MTV? TONY: Probie, my stories alone could make you a man. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. RESTROOM - DAY JIMMY: Is something wrong, Doctor? DUCKY: Her head is in the toilet, Mister Palmer. JIMMY: Right, sorry. I've just never seen you hesitate before. DUCKY: When a person is as experienced as I am, it's rare to come across something you've never seen before. JIMMY: How long has she been here? DUCKY: Roughly, two, maybe three hours. JIMMY: That is incredible. You know, you have a real gift. DUCKY: Give yourself time, Mister Palmer. I've been doing this since long before you were a twinkle in your mother's eye. Or even your mother's mother. JIMMY: Some people find it strange... our profession. DUCKY: So I've heard. JIMMY: Did you ever consider another line of work? DUCKY: I suppose so. I believe there comes a time in everybody's life where they stop but wonder if what they're doing is meaningful. It's only healthy. JIMMY: Really? What other kinds of ... DUCKY: (OVERLAP) Shortly after I graduated from Edinburgh Medical School, I gave serious consideration to a career in teaching. Yes, in fact, I heard there was a vacancy at Eton, my alma mater. I almost applied. JIMMY: Well, why didn't you? DUCKY: I got the idea of teaching the world's youth, yeah, and then I realized deep down academia was not for me. I could never picture myself giving those long, rambling, esoteric lectures. JIMMY: Me either, Doctor. DUCKY: Let's get you out of here, my dear. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. TIFFANY'S APARTMENT - DAY KATE: She keeps a clean place. GIBBS: Yeah, well she probably didn't see much of it. KATE: Battling the Bulge, by Jeff Drixon. Looks to me like Jeff is losing the battle. How to Lose Fifteen Pounds in Fifteen Days. Losing is a Choice. They're all weight loss books. GIBBS: These are all work out videos. KATE: Preoccupied with weight loss, vomiting before an attack - it sounds like an eating disorder. Gibbs, take a look at this. (READS) Tiff, I hope you enjoyed my letters. I live for the day that we can be together. Love, John. GIBBS: Romantic. KATE: Flowers are fresh. He delivered them himself. GIBBS: How do you know that? KATE: Florists put their insignia on their cards. This card's blank. Don't you ever get flowers? GIBBS: I don't like gifts that require attention. KATE: These are all bills from before she left. Where are the letters? You think she trashed them? GIBBS: She never got them. She's been at sea for the past two months. KATE: Right. So yesterday she should have returned home to a stack of mail. GIBBS: She did what people do when they take a trip. She had her mail stopped. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: Where have you been? MCGEE: I missed lunch, so I decided to go out for a snack. Why? TONY: We're headed to the U.S.S. Monroe. I set up an interview with Petty Officer Jordan's former rack mate. MCGEE: Can I have two minutes to eat? TONY: Get anything for me? MCGEE: No, I only had a few dollars. TONY: Then there's no time. No food in the truck. MCGEE: What? TONY: Gibbs' rules, not mine. On second thought, I think the rule is that there's no eating in autopsy. The truck's okay. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. U.S.S. MONROE - NIGHT TONY: Why are you breathing like that? What's wrong with you? MCGEE: I'm not feeling so hot. I don't like boats. TONY: It's not a boat, it's a ship. And it's docked. MCGEE: It doesn't matter. As soon as I get on the water, I immediately start feeling queasy. TONY: Well, that's not a great trait for someone who investigates the NAVY. MCGEE: I'm feeling dizzy. TONY: Well, it's a good thing you didn't eat that burger. It could've been embarrassing. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HANGAR - DAY EGAN: I can't believe this happened, Sir. She was such a great person. TONY: Do you know of anyone that may have been angry with Tiffany? EGAN: Not at all. Tiff was friends with everyone. We all loved her. Sir, are you sure you're okay? MCGEE: Oh yeah. No, I just haven't gotten my sea legs yet. EGAN: Can I get you anything? Some Dramamine maybe? MCGEE: Well, I already took six. You know what? I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. TONY: Had Tiffany been sick? EGAN: I don't think so. Why? TONY: It appears she may have been vomiting when she was attacked. Is there something we should know? EGAN: She came to me about a month ago, and said there was something that could potentially ruin her career in the Navy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT GIBBS: What do we have, Duck? DUCKY: Well, no shortage of water in her lungs. She definitely drowned. GIBBS: Any internal damage? DUCKY: Her esophagus is quite worn as if she'd been vomiting excessively. GIBBS: Was she bulimic? DUCKY: Possible, but not probable. Her throat shows little evidence of self-regurgitation. Preliminary tests conclude that her bout with hyper emesis was caused by a hormonal imbalance. Particularly, a drastic rise in her estrogen level. GIBBS: Morning sickness? DUCKY: Indeed. Our young exhibitionist was pregnant. (CUT TO BLACK) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) It's Petty Officer Tiffany Jordan... J-O-R-D-A-N. No, I was just on hold. KATE: (INTO PHONE) A warrant will take days. I need her mail now. Well, I understand that it's Federal. That's not soon enough. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Is the ocean view partial or panoramic? Oh, sweet. The bar's in the lobby? That sounds great! Oh, yeah. All right. Yeah, I'll talk to you soon. Thank you. Thanks. KATE: We're working, you're planning a vacation. TONY: Oh, it's not just a vacation, Kate. It's Spring break. KATE: You've got to be kidding me. TONY: No. I talked to my frat brothers last night, just booked the hotel today. The wheels on the party bus are now in motion. MCGEE: Let me guess, Panama City. TONY: Oh, yeah. Palm trees, mai tais and coeds all week long, Probie. KATE: Don't you think you're just a little old for Spring break? TONY: I can bong a beer in under six seconds. Believe me, I'll fit right in. GIBBS: Abby didn't find any foreign prints on the bouquet or the beach bag, and that means one of you had better give me a lead. DiNozzo. TONY: I talked to Petty Officer Jordan's rack mate from the Monroe. She said Jordan bought an Early Pregnancy test during a brief stop at King's Bay. GIBBS: She knew she was pregnant. Any idea about the father? TONY: She used a payphone to call him, but his cell was turned off. She said she left a message. KATE: That's your worst nightmare, Tony. TONY: How's it going with those letters, Kate? KATE: Working on it. Thanks, Tony. GIBBS: How long? KATE: Two days...three, tops. GIBBS: You've got four. KATE: Really? GIBBS: Hours. KATE: Sounds about right. GIBBS: McGee! Are you waiting for me to announce you? MCGEE: No, I'm sorry. I pulled the phone records from Petty Officer Jordan's apartment. Only one call since she returned. It was yesterday at eleven hundred to a Lisa Kerr. GIBBS: Two hours prior to Ducky's estimated time of death. This address her work or her home? MCGEE: Both. She's an at-home yoga instructor. GIBBS: Good job, McGee. DiNozzo, you're with me. TONY: Right behind you, Boss. Three hours fifty minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY JIMMY: Doctor, can you come here for a second? DUCKY: What is it, Mister Palmer? JIMMY: I'm not sure. What do you think? DUCKY: It looks like some sort of paraffin wax. Yeah, it reminds me of a product my grandfather used to use. He put a little of it on either end of his moustache. Gave it the handlebar look. JIMMY: Well, doesn't make sense. DUCKY: Well, it was well before your time. Back then it was a very popular look. It epitomized high society. JIMMY: No, not about your grandfather. Why would she have this stuff in her hair? DUCKY: One would surmise it was on the killer's hand. Get it up to Abby right away. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SEDAN - MOVING TONY: Thanks for having me come along, Boss. I know when it comes to women, I sometimes get a little distracted. I just want to let you know that I appreciate this vote of confidence. What I'm trying to say is I'm not going to let you down. I'm going to be attentive and meticulous to every detail in my notes. Oblivious to any distraction. GIBBS: We're here. (TONY DAYDREAMS) (CAR DOORS OPEN/CLOSE) GIBBS: DiNozzo! TONY: Oh yeah. I'm with you, Boss! GIBBS: DiNozzo, your PDA. TONY: Right. There it is. Got it. Sorry about that. not a great start, huh, Boss? GIBBS: Could've been better. TONY: Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. LISA KERR'S HOUSE - DAY LISA: You've got to get your forehead to the ground. Nice long stretch. Let the head just hang. GIBBS: Lisa Kerr? LISA: Yes? GIBBS: Hi. Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS. Special Agent DiNozzo. We have a few questions for you. LISA: Of course. Yeah. All right, Sally? SALLY: (V.O.) Yeah? LISA: Please take over the class for a second. SALLY: Oh, sure. Sure. LISA: I don't know if it's hit me yet. GIBBS: You were close? LISA: As close as you can be to a girl in the Navy, when she was here for one month and gone the next. GIBBS: How'd you meet? LISA: She signed up for my tantric yoga class a little over a year ago. It combines physical fitness with the ability to heighten a woman's pleasure during prolonged lovemaking. (SFX: PDA BEEP TONES) TONY: I'll reboot. GIBBS: Who was Tiffany romantically involved with? LISA: I've never known her to date anyone. In fact, she was the only one in the class who was in the class for physical fitness. She wanted to lose ten pounds for a shoot. GIBBS: Shoot? LISA: Yeah. She was doing a spread with two other girls for GSM. It was called Naughty in the Navy. It hit the stands a couple months ago. TONY: I remember that issue. Good layout. GIBBS: What is GSM? TONY: Get Sum Magazine. It's like Playboy but less risqué. They both have really great articles. GIBBS: The Navy respond? LISA: Oh, it was revealing, but it wasn't nude. So she got a slap on the wrist. I've got a copy of it inside. Do you guys want to see it? TONY: That won't be necessary. GIBBS: Why won't it? TONY: I make a point of keeping all my copies. Like I said, great articles. GIBBS: Tiffany called you yesterday. LISA: Yeah, she said that she was back in town and that she wanted to see me that night, and she needed to talk to me. GIBBS: About what? LISA: Never said. KEVIN: (V.O.) Hey Lisa! LISA: Hey, how was it? KEVIN: Ah, it was all blown out. Not a wave worth paddling after. LISA: Should've gone with me for the a.m. sets. Waves were overhead and clean all morning. They're from NCIS. Guys, this is my fiancé Kevin Holt. KEVIN: Hey. GIBBS: Hey. KEVIN: So any suspects yet? TONY: We're working on it. KEVIN: Girl gets murdered in public during a bikini contest. I don't know, you'd think it would be pretty simple. GIBBS: You'd think. We're finished here. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY MCGEE: What is this stuff? ABBY: Bikini glue. The contestants use it to keep their suit bottoms from riding up. MCGEE: Really? ABBY: Yep. I used to go through sticks of that stuff when I was in the circuit. There's so much you don't know, McGee. MCGEE: Was this what Jimmy found in her hair? ABBY: No. I compared both substances. The stuff in her hair is thicker. It's more like a wax. How's Kate doing on time? MCGEE: Down to eight minutes. KATE: Seven. Your watch must be slow. ABBY: Kate! You made it! KATE: What's this? MCGEE: Don't ask. ABBY: So how'd you do? KATE: Did I ever tell you about that feeb in mail fraud that's always flirting with me? ABBY: Yeah. KATE: I called him. ABBY: You didn't say you'd go out with him, did you? KATE: Not exactly. I read him Section Twenty two Dash A of the Federal Government sexual harassment code. And then I told him I needed a favor. ABBY: Right on! MCGEE: I've never seen so much crap. ABBY: This is why I liberated myself from paper mail. KATE: Why does that not surprise me? ABBY: I don't even have a mailbox. If it doesn't come electronically, I'm not getting it. MCGEE: Okay, we'll each take a third and filter through it. ABBY: I love it when you're rough, McGee. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: I knew she looked familiar. GIBBS: Who? TONY: Lisa Kerr. She's the daughter of Mister Kerr. You know, from Mister Kerr's Cupcakes? GIBBS: Oh, yeah. Well that explains the house. TONY: And she's in all the commercials. It was driving be crazing because I was trying to figure out where I knew her from. GIBBS: Why didn't you just ask her? TONY: I was kind of afraid to. GIBBS: Why? TONY: Well, I've had a lot of short-lived relationships and I kind of have a hard time remembering all of them. GIBBS: I have the same problem with ex-wives. KATE: The name's Jonathan Redding. He's written our victim four letters in the last six weeks. And the writing indicates classic stalker. If he can't have her no one can. TONY: Sounds like our guy. GIBBS: We have a return address? KATE: Cell Block F. He's in the Danville Correctional Facility. TONY: It can't ever be easy. KATE: Well I still think we should talk to him. We can't just ignore evidence like this. TONY: What evidence? The guy's still in prison. MCGEE: Not anymore. I just spoke to Danville's Assistant Warden. Jonathan Redding was paroled thirteen days ago. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Jonathan Redding was arrested for assault and battery in May of oh-one. He had two priors before that. Violation of a restraining order and possession of narcotics. Two of his three arrests involved ex-girlfriends. GIBBS: We locate him? MCGEE: I phoned his registered address, they claim they haven't seen him. GIBBS: His parole officer? MCGEE: I phoned him as well, still waiting to hear back. (BEAT) I'm going to call him again. KATE: This guy definitely fits the profile. GIBBS: All we have is a rap sheet and some fan mail. Even if when we find him, we can't detain him. TONY: That may not be true, Boss. Redding's former cellmates saw the murder on the news. He said he has some information we should hear. GIBBS: In exchange for what? TONY: Depending on what he gives us, the D.A. may cut him a deal. GIBBS: Take Todd. Find out what he knows. TONY: You got it. Kate, with me. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PRISON YARD - DAY TONY: Did you ever interrogate a prisoner, Kate? KATE: Yes, Tony. I've been at this for a while now. TONY: Well, it's important to remember that you can never let your guard down. An inmate, unlike a civilian, has nothing to lose. KATE: Yeah, but this inmate, Tony, asked to speak to us. He wants to do the right thing. TONY: He's a felon and that's the way we're going to great him. GUARD: (V.O.) Open the gate! (SFX: DOOR SLIDES OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PRISON YARD - DAY TONY: How long were you and Jonathan Redding cellmates? LUKE: Six or seven months. TONY: Which is it, Luke? Six or seven? LUKE: What's with the third degree? I'm trying to help you guys. KATE: Then answer the question. LUKE: Well, he came in right around my birthday. So I guess it was closer to seven. TONY: So you gave him the magazine with Tiffany's picture? When was it that you started to believe that Jonathan was ... you're an Alpha Chi Delta? LUKE: Rutgers. Ninety one. TONY: Ohio State. Eighty nine! LUKE: No, way! TONY: Yeah, dude! Are you in touch with any of the brothers? LUKE: Try to. These days it's not that easy. TONY: Yeah. LUKE: You? TONY: Well, I'm still best friends with three of the guys from my pledge class. In fact, we're heading down to Florida for Spring Break! LUKE: Oh, that's awesome, man! TONY: Yeah. LUKE: Oh, I used to love Spring break. TONY: Panama City! LUKE: Ooh! Palm trees! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) No, that's all for now. Thank you very much. (TO GIBBS) Boss, I located Redding. He is working at the Water Wheel Car Wash. It's only two miles away from where Petty Officer Jordan was attacked. GIBBS: We should've had him three hours ago. MCGEE: I'm sorry about that. I kept hitting dead ends. GIBBS: Learn to anticipate, McGee. MCGEE: Anticipate? GIBBS: Always think a step ahead. You shouldn't ever have to waste time deciding what to do next. MCGEE: Anticipate. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) According to his cellmate...(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) ...Redding stared at Petty Officer Jordan's photos for hours at a time. And then the letters started.(TONY AND LUKE LAUGH B.G.) (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Do you think he was obsessed? KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) Oh, yeah. He got her address... (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE)... Over the Internet. He said his plan was to contact her as soon as he was released. He didn't want to live without her. [SCENE_BREAK] GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Or her without him. KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) McGee... (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) ... Tracked down the address? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, we're on our way. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) GIBBS: Hey, McGee! Get the... MCGEE: ... Keys to the car. GIBBS: Keys to the car. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAR WASH - DAY (MUSIC B.G.) GIBBS: We're a little out of place, McGee. MCGEE: Feels like high school. GIBBS: What the hell is that? MCGEE: Believe it's an Escalade, Boss. GIBBS: The wheels, McGee. MCGEE: The rims are called spinners. GIBBS: What's the point? MCGEE: It's a hip hop thing. GIBBS: The more I know the less I understand. GARRISON: Afternoon, gentlemen. Your sedan looks like it could use a wash. GIBBS: We're looking for Jonathan Redding. GARRISON: I'm Rodney, Jon's supervisor. Is there something I can help you with? GIBBS: Yeah, you can point him out to us. GARRISON: He's right over here. I've got him driving today. Jon do something wrong? GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Jonathan Redding! (MUSIC OVER ACTION) MCGEE: (SHOUTS) Stop! Federal agents! Where is he going? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR WASH - DAY MCGEE: (SHOUTS) Redding! Redding! Redding, stop!(ACTION CONTINUES/ MCGEE MOVES THROUGH THE CAR WASH) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAR WASH - DAY GIBBS: Anticipate, McGee. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY TONY: Luke was right. This dude is creepy. KATE: Do you realize you've been talking about Luke since we left? TONY: He's a good guy. KATE: He's a criminal, Tony, and you have a man crush on him. TONY: I do not have a man crush. I just feel bad for the guy, that's all. KATE: Well, I just don't understand what it is about men and their fraternity. It's like this pact to get drunk and laid supercedes everything. TONY: Okay, getting drunk and laid is only like ninety percent of it, and the rest is brotherhood and solidarity. KATE: Well, if you ask me it's as juvenile as Spring break. TONY: Have you ever been on Spring break, Kate? KATE: Yes, I have, Tony. Panama City, junior year. Unlike the girls you're going to see, my friends and I conducted ourselves with complete dignity. TONY: Sounds like a blast. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) REDDING: Finally. I've been sitting here twenty minutes! GIBBS: I'm sorry, Jon. I asked them to put out refreshments, and they must have forgotten. REDDING: Why am I here? GIBBS: Because killing people is illegal. REDDING: I didn't kill anyone! GIBBS: Then why did you run? REDDING: Because I owed the wrong people a lot of money when I went away. GIBBS: Drugs? REDDING: And now that I'm out they're looking to collect. I saw two guys coming at me and I reacted. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY TONY: He's lying. KATE: Well, if he is he's pretty good.(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) MCGEE: Hey. What'd I miss? TONY: Who dressed you? MCGEE: I chased this joker through the car wash, all right? What? We came straight here. This is all I had that was clean. TONY: Your gym clothes were clean? Who would've guessed? (KATE LAUGHS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY REDDING: Where'd you get this? GIBBS: The same place I got the other three. Petty Officer Jordan's P.O. Box. REDDING: She never got them? GIBBS: Is that why you killed her? Because she wouldn't respond to you? REDDING: I didn't kill her. I loved her. GIBBS: Where were you Saturday between twelve and one fifteen p.m. REDDING: I was there. I was at the contest. GIBBS: You're not helping your cause much here, Jonny Boy. REDDING: I went there because I wanted to talk to her! Tell her how much she means to me! GIBBS: Why didn't you tell her than when you delivered the flowers? REDDING: She wasn't home! So I left them at the door. I didn't see her at the contest either. I waited, but she never came out. GIBBS: Did you go by yourself? REDDING: Yep. Showed up about a half hour before it started. I stood right in front of the stage until it was over. I didn't kill her. I just wanted to be a part of her life. You have to believe me. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY GIBBS: What's the problem, Abs? ABBY: I'm not really sure. The picture was crystal clear when I tested it. There we go. MCGEE: What happened? ABBY: Tony forgot to rewind. TONY: Thanks, Abs. KATE: You already watched this? TONY: I glanced at it. ABBY: He took it home. KATE: What is wrong with you? It's like you have some sort of a sickness. TONY: I had a hunch there might be something on it. KATE: Yeah, like ten half-naked women. GIBBS: Queue it up from the beginning. ABBY: Got it. It was a two-camera shoots. One was on the stage and the other was on the crowd for their reactions. GIBBS: Stop. Zoom in on B. That's him right there. Keep running it. KATE: He's where he said he was. MCGEE: Yeah, but he still has until one fifteen to slip away. GIBBS: Speed it up, Abs. MCGEE: It's past one fifteen, boss. GIBBS: He's telling the truth. Jonathan Redding did not kill Petty Officer Jordan. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Where's Gibbs? KATE: I don't know. But we do report to him, remember? TONY: I think I found us a lead. MCGEE: Where? KATE: Honestly, Tony, you need help. TONY: You'll sing a different tune when I show this to Gibbs. GIBBS: Show me what? TONY: I was thumbing through Petty Officer Jordan's layout, and I found something I thought you should see. These two photos weren't taken by the magazine. They got them from her. GIBBS: Why? TONY: Something GSM likes to do. Gives the reader a voyeuristic look into the girls' lives. MCGEE: Who do you think took the photos? TONY: Probie, back it up a little bit. MCGEE: Sorry. TONY: In the article, Petty Officer Jordan said they were taken by her boyfriend. MCGEE: I thought she didn't date. TONY: Well, she was pregnant, McGee. There's only one way that can happen. GIBBS: Did you contact, GSM? TONY: I did. They said the photos were taken by a local photographer named Jason Kaplan. He's a freelancer they work with a lot. GIBBS: Check it out. TONY: Okay, don't worry, Boss. I'll keep it professional. GIBBS: Yep, I know you will because Kate's going with you. KATE: I am? TONY: Seems like an in and out job, Boss. Are you sure that that's really necessary? (BEAT) He's sure. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY TONY: This guy has the life. He spends all day photographing the world's hottest women. KATE: I'm sure his mom is proud. TONY: What's that supposed to mean? KATE: Those pictures are demeaning. They make women look like sx objects. TONY: You need to loosen up. The human body is a beautiful thing and should be admired. (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STUDIO - DAY KATE: You're right, Tony. The human body is a beautiful thing. (MUSIC OVER MODELS POSING) JASON: Gorgeous. Don't move an inch. TONY: I feel nauseous. JASON: Great. Okay, guys, let's take five. Todd, you want to make sure to keep them oiled up. (TO KATE) Sorry to keep you waiting. But I didn't want to... break the zone. TONY: I take it this isn't for GSM? JASON: No. No. This is for Sports Monthly. You're looking at three members of the U.S. Water Polo team. KATE: Great uniforms. TONY: Is there anywhere else that we could talk? JASON: I guess we could talk in my office. TONY: That'd be great. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KAPLAN'S OFFICE - DAY JASON: Tiffany Jordan. I couldn't believe when I saw her in the news. Such a cute girl. Camera really loved her. TONY: We were wondering about the two small photos at the bottom of her layout. Article said they were taken by her boyfriend. JASON: That's between her and the magazine. My job is just to send in the pictures and get consent from whoever took them. KATE: Do you have that release on file? JASON: Sure. Yeah. I keep records of everything. Personally I find it insulting that magazines publish amateur photos. I spent four years in photography classes. It took me months to get published. TONY: Kevin Holt is Lisa Kerr's fiancé. KATE: Why would he have any reason to photograph Tiffany in the bedroom? TONY: Lisa might be wondering the same thing. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ABBY PREPARES SAMPLES) GIBBS: What do you have, Abs? ABBY: A serious hatred of wax. GIBBS: I think you look stressed. ABBY: I compared our victim's wax to over a hundred different products. Each one just one molecule different from the next. Do you know how small a molecule is? MCGEE: I do. ABBY: Shut up, McGee. TONY: I really like this new Abby. ABBY: And after many fun-packed hours of nothing but wax, I found a match. KATE: Does that say sx Wax? ABBY: That it does. It comes in cool, warm, and tropical. MCGEE: How does it work? TONY: Don't worry about it, Probie. I'm pretty sure you still need a girl first. ABBY: It's not like that. Mister Zog's s*x Wax is a brand made for surfers. GIBBS: Surfers? ABBY: Yeah. They put it on their boards to help with traction. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. YARD - DAY GIBBS: Hello, Kevin. KEVIN: Oh, my friends from NCIS. What do you know, boys? TONY: More than you'd like us to. KEVIN: Come again? GIBBS: We know about your relationship with Tiffany Jordan. KEVIN: What relationship? Her and Lisa were friends. I barely knew her. GIBBS: Yeah well, you knew her well enough to take intimate photos of her. Do you do that with all of Lisa's friends? TONY: Your lighting needed work. KEVIN: Look, fellas, it's not what you think. Okay? Her and I - we hung out a couple of times, you know? It was totally innocent. She asked me to help take some photos for this magazine, so I helped her out. GIBBS: Generous of you. Lisa know about the photos? KEVIN: No. No, she didn't even know that Tiffany and I were friends. GIBBS: Well, with nothing going on, why the big secret? KEVIN: Look, Lisa is very insecure. Okay, I come home from a weekend surf tournament, she'd smell my clothes for perfume. I even caught her going through my email a couple of times. TONY: Look at that, Boss. She's suffocating him, and all he's doing is taking lingerie shots of her girlfriends. KEVIN: It's not what you think. I wasn't sleeping with Tiffany. GIBBS: Good. Then you won't mind submitting a DNA sample. KEVIN: Why? Do you have the killer's DNA? All right, fine. You know what? You want me to take a test, I'll take your test. I've got nothing to hide. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! We have a winner! Tony, tell us what he's won. TONY: Well, Abby, he's won an all expenses paid iron vacation to sunny Leavenworth. KATE: Keep your day job. GIBBS: May not be an option. What about his prints? ABBY: I compared them to the prints that Tony and McGee got from the beach restroom. They didn't jive. MCGEE: We must've lifted hundred of prints. You sure you ran them all? ABBY: No, McGee. About midway through I got tired so I just said screw it. MCGEE: Just thought I'd check. TONY: Okay, so he didn't leave any prints. All that proves is that he's more careful at a crime scene than he is in the bedroom. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) KEVIN: I agreed to take a test. I didn't agree to spend the whole night in this tiny room. TONY: This is a luxury suite compared to what you're looking at. KEVIN: What are you talking about? TONY: You lied to us, Kev. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - NIGHT (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) KEVIN: (V.O.) I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't lie to you about anything. LISA: What's going on? What is Kevin still doing here? GIBBS: Evidence leads us to believe he was involved in Tiffany's murder. LISA: Oh, no. That's ridiculous. He's not capable of killing anyone. TONY: (V.O.) I've got good news and I've got bad news. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT TONY: Which do you want to hear first? Tiffany was pregnant, and there is a ninety-nine-point-nine-eight percent probability that you are the father. KEVIN: Tiff was pregnant? TONY: I decided to go with the bad news. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KEVIN: (V.O.) I had no idea. LISA: He cheated on me? I can't believe he cheated on me. I've given him everything. GIBBS: You never suspected? LISA: Why would I? She's my friend. KATE: It'll be okay. GIBBS: Get her a glass of water, McGee. MCGEE: You bet. LISA: I still don't believe he killed her. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT KEVIN: (V.O.) I thought you said there was (ON CAMERA) some good news. TONY: Right. I almost forgot. There is a point oh two percent chance that you're going to walk out of here. KEVIN: Look, I.... I screwed up, okay? I admit that. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - NIGHT KEVIN: (V.O.) But I am not a killer. The last time that I saw Tiff... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT KEVIN: ...Was right before we left and we both decided that we'd end it then. TONY: You're not a very reputable guy, Kev. Why should we believe you? KEVIN: Because I'm telling you the truth! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - NIGHT TONY: (V.O.) If you didn't have anything to do with this, why'd you avoid us? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT KEVIN: What are you talking about? I never avoided you. TONY: (OVERLAP) We've been calling you for two days. I left four messages on your cell phone. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - NIGHT LISA: He's lying! He never left him any messages! GIBBS: How do you know? SWISH PAN TO: INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - LATER (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) GIBBS: Sure you don't want to call your lawyer? LISA: I didn't do anything wrong. I just want to get this over with. GIBBS: It must've been a shock when you heard Tiffany's message. No one would blame you for being angry. LISA: I didn't listen to any message, okay? I wouldn't invade Kevin's privacy like that. GIBBS: You didn't have any problem searching through his e-mail. LISA: He told you that? GIBBS: We lifted your fingerprint from this glass. It matches a print we found a few feet from Tiffany's body. LISA: I think I'd like to call my lawyer now. GIBBS: I think that's probably a good idea. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: TONY WHISTLES B.G.) KATE: I thought you were leaving. TONY: I'm on my way. See you next week. KATE: Try not to embarrass yourself, Tony. TONY: Come on, Kate. I'm way too grown up for that. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BAR - NIGHT (CROWD CHANTS: "Go! Go! Go! Go!") (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (TONY LAUGHS/ SHOUTS) TONY: You're pretty. You're pretty. I'm pretty. I'm going to the head. (TONY WALKS TO THE HALLWAY/LOOKS AT THE PHOTOS) TONY: I love this place. Oh, yeah. Ah... (LAUGHS LOUDLY) (CUT TO BLACK) (MUSIC OVER ENDING CREDITS AND OUT)	Plan: A: A Virginia Beach bikini contestant drowns; Q: What happened to the bikini contestant? A: a public bathroom toilet; Q: Where did the bikini contestant drown? A: a magazine; Q: Where did the bikini contestant pose partially naked before she drowned? A: her death; Q: What was the bikini contestant pregnant at the time of? A: the father; Q: Who did the team begin to look for when they discovered the bikini contestant was pregnant? A: Love letters; Q: What traces to a paroled prisoner? A: a paroled prisoner; Q: Who did the love letters trace to? A: information; Q: What does a former cellmate offer to Tony? A: Tony; Q: Who discovers that he and the prisoner are in the same fraternity? A: two; Q: How many men bond with the prisoner? A: The photos; Q: What was revealed to have been taken by her best friend's husband? A: his wife; Q: Who is incredibly insecure and constantly examines his every move? A: the real killer; Q: What did a slip of the tongue lead Gibbs to? A: his old frat buddies; Q: Who does Tony go to Panama City with? A: Panama City; Q: Where does Tony go for Spring Break? A: a juicy secret; Q: What does Tony find out about Kate's past? Summary: A Virginia Beach bikini contestant drowns in a public bathroom toilet. When the team discover she posed partially naked in a magazine, and was pregnant at the time of her death, they begin to look for the father. Love letters trace to a paroled prisoner, and when a former cellmate offers information, Tony discovers they both are part of the same fraternity and irritates Kate when the two men bond. The photos were revealed to have been taken by her best friend's husband, who kept quiet because his wife is incredibly insecure and constantly examines his every move, even going through his phone and email. Whilst the husband is being interrogated over his involvement in her death, a slip of the tongue leads Gibbs to the real killer. At the end of the episode, having enjoyed reminiscing about his past, Tony and his old frat buddies journey to Panama City for Spring Break, where he finds a juicy secret from Kate's past.
INFERNO by: DON HOUGHTON 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL COUNTDOWN VOICE: ...minus ten seconds... (The DOCTOR runs back another way but there is another soldier.) COUNTDOWN VOICE: Nine... (He pushes back the soldiers gun and then runs into the main body of central control where STAHLMAN picks up the fallen gun...) COUNTDOWN VOICE: Eight... (...and aims it at the DOCTOR.) COUNTDOWN VOICE: Seven, six... (The DOCTOR slowly backs off.) COUNTDOWN VOICE: Five, four... (as STAHLMAN'S finger is on the trigger.) COUNTDOWN VOICE: Three, two, one...zero. We have Penetration Zero! (An enormous explosion rocks the complex and everyone is thrown to the ground. As the crashing rumbling continues, screaming technicians get to their feet and run out of central control.) DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: Don't panic! Get back to your posts! (GREG gets up but so does BENTON and holds him against a console. He has his rifle in his other hand. GREG calls over to the BRIGADE LEADER over the constant roar that now pervades the complex.) GREG SUTTON: Look, I've got a job to do here! BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Never mind him! Stop those technicians! (The BRIGADE LEADER and his men run out of the room after the fleeing technicians. STAHLMAN gets to his feet and steps up to the higher level where PETRA is at a console.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Are you all right, Director? DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: Yes, yes. Check all the other systems. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Yes. (She runs off to carry out the order. The DOCTOR is the last to get up from the floor. Slightly dazed, he turns round and sees that GREG is getting into a disaster suit.) DOCTOR: You're not thinking of going in there, are you? GREG SUTTON: Don't worry, I've never seen a bore I couldn't cap yet. DOCTOR: There's never been a bore like this one! GREG SUTTON: The first thing we've gotta do is get in there and check the main valve and get the coolant reserve flowing. (He suddenly sees the DIRECTOR running towards the drill-head area without a disaster suit on.) GREG SUTTON: Stahlman! (STAHLMAN turns and looks at him through the smoke that hangs in the air. He comes back over.) GREG SUTTON: If you're thinking of going in there, you'd better put this suit on! DOCTOR: Somehow, I don't think he feels the heat as we do. (STAHLMAN gives the DOCTOR a hard, yet slightly crazed look. GREG hands the DIRECTOR a disaster suit and he walks off with it. The SECTION LEADER joins a worried PETRA at a console.) SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Can they contain the emergency from here? DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: No, they'll probably go for the actual drill-head. [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. COMPLEX (Another enormous explosion tears through the complex. A huge fireball shoots into the air and debris is thrown everywhere.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. DRILL-HEAD (Smoke and the green slime are pouring out of the drill-head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (GREG is now in a disaster suit with his surname on it. The DOCTOR is still wearing his.) GREG SUTTON: Come on, Doctor. (They walk towards the drill-head area and pause on the threshold.) DOCTOR: Well, here goes. (They don their hoods and walk in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. DRILL-HEAD (Technicians lie unconscious on the ground. As the DOCTOR makes his way through the smoke to help them, GREG crosses over to a wheel valve and starts to try and turn it. Suddenly, STAHLMAN, now also in a disaster suit emerges from the smoke with an iron bar in his hand. He crosses behind GREG, raises the bar and brings it crashing down. GREG collapses. STAHLMAN pulls off his hood and starts to drag GREG towards the pipes where the green slime is emerging. Returning to the drill-head area from helping a technician to get out, the DOCTOR sees what is happening and rushes over. He grabs STAHLMAN from behind and receives an elbow in his stomach, making him collapse. The DOCTOR gets to his feet and the two men wrestle but STAHLMAN seems stronger than he should be and he easily throws the DOCTOR. When STAHLMAN pulls him to his feet, another tussle ends in the same way. STAHLMAN jumps on the DOCTOR but across the room, GREG comes round, grabs the discarded bar and pays STAHLMAN back in kind. GREG then falls, the effort having been too much. The DOCTOR gets up and helps him to his feet and then out of the area, GREG coughing in the smoky environment.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (SECTION LEADER SHAW and PETRA are helping the technician that the DOCTOR rescued. PETRA sees GREG'S condition and joins the DOCTOR as he sits GREG on the steps that lead out of central control. She examines the back of GREG'S head as the DOCTOR divests himself of his hood.) GREG SUTTON: (Groans.) Ooh, what the devil hit me? DOCTOR: A piece of pipe held by Stahlman. GREG SUTTON: Stahlman hit me? DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Is the Director still in there? DOCTOR: Yes. SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Why didn't he come out with you? DOCTOR: I think he likes it in there. (GREG manages to get to his feet.) GREG SUTTON: The main coolant valve's seized. I can't flood the drill-head area. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: We've got to get the Director out. DOCTOR: Yes, not to mention those technicians. GREG SUTTON: Right, let's have another go. (GREG is about to get another hood when, above the ever-present rumbling, a buzzing sound is heard from the drill-head area.) GREG SUTTON: (Shouts.) Oh, what the heck's going on?! (GREG runs towards the source of the noise - it is a large metallic heat-shield which is coming down, thereby sealing off the drill-head from central control.) GREG SUTTON: (Shouts.) Well that's crazy! (PETRA looks at an instrument panel.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: They've closed it from the inside. Bypassed the control and locked down on manuals! [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. DRILL-HEAD (Within the drill-head area, STAHLMAN pulls a concussed technician towards the output pipes. He then rubs the mans face in the green slime.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (Now out of his disaster suit, the DOCTOR is looking over a ticker-tape print out from the computer. His tie hangs loosely down and his collar is open against the heat which now fills the room. GREG is similar in his attire.) SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: What does it say? DOCTOR: Very little now, I'm afraid. Tell me Mr. Sutton, how thick are those walls? GREG SUTTON: Well thick enough - ferrous concrete, steel plating, asbestos sheeting - the lot. It could stand up to an atomic blast. DOCTOR: Compared to the forces that you people have unleashed, an atomic blast would be like a summer breeze! [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. COMPLEX (Further smoke, fire and explosions pour out of the buildings of the complex.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (The BRIGADE LEADER comes back into central control followed by SECTION LEADER SHAW.) DOCTOR: What's going on out there? BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The technicians and staff have got away. Most of my security guards have gone with them. GREG SUTTON: Perhaps they're the sensible ones? DOCTOR: Yes, well, they'll be no better off in the long run, wherever they go. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Doctor, I'm afraid the computer's finally broken down. (The DOCTOR goes to join her while the BRIGADE LEADER speaks to SECTION LEADER SHAW at the back of the room.) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: ... SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Correct. DOCTOR: (To PETRA.) Well, the heat will have fused the main circuits. I'll have a look. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Brigade Leader? (The BRIGADE LEADER comes over.) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, Dr. Williams? DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Any news from London yet? BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Massive seismic disturbances reported throughout the country. Earth tremors reported in the midlands and as far north as Leeds. GREG SUTTON: Just what are the authorities doing? SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: They've ordered an immediate evacuation of the area - except for essential personnel. The Brigade Leader is to assume executive control. GREG SUTTON: Anything else? SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: No, after that the line went dead. GREG SUTTON: So they're abandoning us. They're not even going to try and seal the shaft? SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: They believe that the emergency will eventually pass over. (The SECTION LEADER'S attitude and tone imply that she doesn't share the same level of confidence.) GREG SUTTON: Well, the Doctor doesn't seem to think so. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, who cares what he thinks?! GREG SUTTON: I do - he talks a lot of good sense! (He looks over the edge of the computer to where the DOCTOR is trying to effect repairs at floor level.) GREG SUTTON: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes? GREG SUTTON: Surely there must be some way of sealing the shaft? Why don't the government evacuate us all and...and blow up the whole area? DOCTOR: Too late, Mr. Sutton. You've unleashed the energies of the Earth's core. GREG SUTTON: All right, but we must cap the bore somehow? DOCTOR: No substance of this Earth is strong enough to withstand those pressures. GREG SUTTON: Okay, so what's gonna happen? BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well Doctor, what is going to happen? (The DOCTOR considers and then tells them the truth.) DOCTOR: Well, the heat and the pressures'll continue to build up...until the Earth dissolves in a fury of expanding gasses, just as it was billions of years ago. SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: How long have we got? DOCTOR: Maybe a few weeks, maybe only a few days. (The group initially receive the news in a stunned silence. As if in confirmation, the continuing explosions outside echo through the room.) GREG SUTTON: So it's doomsday? We just sit back and wait for it? (Before GREG can answer, BROMLEY, still undergoing his transformation, enters the room. He stands and snarls at the occupants. They dive for cover on the other side of the computer console. The BRIGADE LEADER unholsters his pistol.) DOCTOR: No, don't go near him, Brigadier! Don't go near him! He's probably more interested in getting to the drill-head than he is in us. (BROMLEY slowly comes down the steps into central control, snarling and stalking the BRIGADE LEADER. Totally disregarding the DOCTOR'S advice, LETHBRIDGE STEWART stands between BROMLEY and the passage to the drill-head. As the effected technician comes nearer, the BRIGADE LEADER starts to pump bullets into him. BROMLEY roars and staggers as each bullet hits but, like the rest of his kind, there is no further effect on him. As he goes past, the DOCTOR steps out behind him with a fire extinguisher in his hand. He fires it at BROMLEY'S back and the half-creature shudders and turns. He is about to go for the DOCTOR but he fires several more shots of gas from the extinguisher and BROMLEY slowly but surely falls to the floor and is still.) DOCTOR: Ah...he seems to be dead this time. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Rather surprising. DOCTOR: I wasn't just your bullets that killed him, you know? BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The fire extinguisher? DOCTOR: Yes, the fire extinguisher. They can't stand cold. GREG SUTTON: Well, that's enough for me. There's no point in us hanging around any longer. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: If you're thinking of deserting... GREG SUTTON: (Interrupting.) Evacuating is the word! If I've only got a little time left to live, I'm going to spend it as far away from this place as I can get! SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: (Firmly.) We were ordered to remain here. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: And that's exactly what we're going to do. GREG SUTTON: (Shouts.) You speak for yourself! BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) You still have a job to do here, Sutton! GREG SUTTON: (Shouts.) You just don't listen, do you? (He nods towards the DOCTOR.) GREG SUTTON: You heard what he said - there's nothing we can do. Is that right, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, I'm afraid so. GREG SUTTON: (Shouts.) Well, I'm clearing out! Coming, Petra? (He and PETRA turn and walk towards the exit. The other three follow.) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) You will stay here and do your duty! GREG SUTTON: You're still loyal to your glorious republic. (Shouts.) I'd like to know what your precious dictator can do for you now! BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts furiously.) I will not listen to treason! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Gentlemen, stop arguing! Just save your energy. GREG SUTTON: (Shouts.) For what?! We're all under sentence of death! Oh, come on, Petra. (He turns but PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON stands barring his way.) PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: I've managed to round up a few of the men, Leader. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Good. Post them outside. No one is to leave this building without my permission! (Shouts.) No one, Benton! (BENTON salutes and turns to leave to carry out the order. GREG sighs.) PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: Understood, Leader! GREG SUTTON: You know it's marvellous, isn't it? (Shouts.) The world's going up in flame and they're still playing at toy soldiers! (He mimics BENTON'S salute.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. COMPLEX (BENTON comes out of the blockhouse type entrance and sees four RSF soldiers lounging on the ground.) PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: You lot! Fall in on the double! (The four men jump to their feet and stand in line.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (GREG and PETRA are alone in central control. PETRA is still at the inspection hatch of the computer, trying to repair the machine.) GREG SUTTON: Oh, pack it in - it's no good. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: We can't be sure of that. GREG SUTTON: You heard what the Doctor said - the heat will have fused the main circuits. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: The Doctor has no control here. GREG SUTTON: You could have fooled me! DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: It's not his responsibility. GREG SUTTON: Maybe not, but he's the only one who seems to know what's going on. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Thank you, Mr. Sutton. GREG SUTTON: Oh, I'm not getting at you, but if...if the Doctor's right, you're wasting your time. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Look, if I can get this computer working again, it might give us the solution. (She crosses to the power console.) GREG SUTTON: Still hasn't sunk in, has it? There is no solution! The whole place is gonna blow up! (PETRA flicks a switch but there is no response.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: The whole system needs re-wiring. GREG SUTTON: No one is being allowed in or out of this place - do you get the point now? DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: (Sharply.) What point? GREG SUTTON: Those blokes in London know it's no use. If they thought there was any chance, this place would be crawling with experts. You'd have as much equipment as you need! DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: (Unconvincingly.) It might be on its way. GREG SUTTON: Nothing's on its way! We've been left here to die. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: (Upset.) I don't believe that! GREG SUTTON: Oh yes you do! 'Cos it's logical - they're scared to let us out of here because we'll increase the panic. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: They wouldn't just abandon us. They'll evacuate if things got too dangerous. (GREG opens his mouth to reply, thinks and then calmly answers...) GREG SUTTON: Maybe you're right. Let's hope so. (PETRA looks at him, scared.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: You really think this is the end, don't you? GREG SUTTON: It could be. (PETRA is stunned as realisation hits her.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: We're just...going to die in here. I can't take it in. (GREG embraces her.) GREG SUTTON: Oh, look, I'm sorry but there are times when it's better to face the truth. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Oh, Greg, I'm frightened! (She hugs him back.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: What can we do? GREG SUTTON: Well, the question really is - what you're gonna do? DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: What do you mean? GREG SUTTON: Well, I'm gonna get out of here. I could do with some help from you. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: From me? GREG SUTTON: Well, what about it? Are you going to be a nice well-behaved little zombie or are you going to join the rebels? [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. BRIGADE LEADER'S OFFICE Overseas Broadcast: (The DOCTOR, SECTION LEADER SHAW and LETHBRIDGE STEWART are in the BRIGADE LEADER'S office. Next to a desk calendar that reads 23rd July is a small red transistor radio. It is broadcasting a news announcement that is heavily filled with static.) RADIO ANNOUNCER: In London today, the Minister of Energy and Resource has made a statement about the disaster at the drilling project at Eastchester. The entire operation has now been abandoned, and the area is being evacuated. There can be no doubt that the wave of earth tremors and quakes are in some way connected with the penetration of the Earth's outer crust. The leader has called a cabinet meeting... (The BRIGADE LEADER switches the radio off. SECTION LEADER SHAW paces the room.) SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Sutton was right - we ought to leave here at once! Original UK Broadcast: (The DOCTOR, SECTION LEADER SHAW and LETHBRIDGE STEWART are in the BRIGADE LEADER'S office.) SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Sutton was right - we ought to leave here at once! BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I will decide that! SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: But there's nothing we can do - absolutely nothing! DOCTOR: You could help me to save a world, you know? SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: You said we'd passed the point of no return. DOCTOR: Not this one, Elizabeth. The other one. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Even now, you stick to this absurd story! DOCTOR: This other world exists, Brigade Leader. It's as true as the one you know yourselves! SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: And we're all somehow duplicated there? DOCTOR: Yes, you, the Brigade Leader, Stahlman, Sutton, Petra, all of you - you could save your other selves! SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Save them - how? DOCTOR: With the aid of the TARDIS. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: TARDIS? SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: You mean that odd-looking contraption we found in the hut? DOCTOR: Yes. SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Could it take you back? DOCTOR: Yes, possibly. If I could use your nuclear reactor for power. SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: But if this other world is parallel, they'll be in same situation as us? DOCTOR: Not necessarily. Work on their project is not so advanced as yours. I may be able to stop them before they penetrate the Earth's crust. (The BRIGADE LEADER stands.) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Quietly.) I think we'll take another look at this...wonderful machine of yours. (They leave the office...) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (...passing PETRA at the power console.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Brigade Leader, for your information, all systems are breaking down. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Remain here. We shall return shortly. (The BRIGADE LEADER, SECTION LEADER and the DOCTOR walk out. GREG, at the computer inspection hatch, watches them go. He joins PETRA.) GREG SUTTON: I wonder where he's off to? DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Can't we try and get out now? GREG SUTTON: Well, you heard what he said - all the exits are being guarded by a bunch of trigger-happy thugs. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: They might let us through. GREG SUTTON: And they might shoot us out of pure nervousness! (PETRA looks despondent.) GREG SUTTON: Just wait our chance. Don't worry, Petra. When the time comes, we'll get out of here...and it'll take more than a bunch of tin soldiers to stop us! [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (Having reached the hut, LETHBRIDGE STEWART and ELIZABETH SHAW look with contempt at the TARDIS console. The DOCTOR watches them. The sound of the explosions continue to reach them from outside.) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You expect us to believe that you came here in this? DOCTOR: That's right. SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: But this isn't a vehicle at all. DOCTOR: No... (He crosses to the console.) DOCTOR: ...but she's a very important part of one. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: And where's the rest of it? DOCTOR: Back in the world where I came from. I, er, I removed the console to make some trial runs. (The DOCTOR presses a button. The central column starts to rise and fall. Various hums and sounds emit from the console but nothing like the usual dematerialisation sound.) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, what's happening?! SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: You said you needed a power source to make this thing work! DOCTOR: There's always a small amount of energy left in the storage unit. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We've seen enough of this nonsense - come on. DOCTOR: You said you were going to help me! (The two RSF members head for the door.) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I said nothing of the kind! This contraption is obviously incapable of taking anyone anywhere. We shall return to central control. (The DOCTOR goes after them.) DOCTOR: If you'd only try and use the little intelligence you have... BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I have no time for fairy stories! SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: If you could give us some proof, Doctor - a demonstration. DOCTOR: Proof? Demonstration? What do you think I am - a conjuror? Have can I give you a demonstration when I haven't got... (A thought strikes him and he looks at the console.) DOCTOR: Well now, wait a minute... BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well? DOCTOR: If I'm to do it, I'll drain the storage unit completely. (He goes back to the console.) DOCTOR: Very well, you shall have your demonstration! (He flicks several switches. This time, the normal dematerialisation sound is heard and the DOCTOR and the console fade away. The BRIGADE LEADER and the SECTION LEADER, shocked, look round the garage as if they expect to see the DOCTOR in a different corner. The former produces his usual solution to a problem and draws his gun.) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor? Doctor?! (Almost instantly, the console and its operator fade back. Stunned, the two observers step up to the console, SECTION LEADER SHAW even placing her hands on it to make sure it has a reality.) DOCTOR: Well, satisfied? Or did you think it was all done with mirrors? SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: What happened? Where were you? DOCTOR: Well, just a pitiful few seconds into the future. I only wish it could have been more. (He reaches for a switch. The BRIGADE LEADER still has his gun levelled.) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Stay away from that! DOCTOR: Don't be a fool, man! I can't possibly go anywhere - the storage unit is completely flat. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Quietly.) If the power was connected, you could make the journey back? DOCTOR: Perhaps. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: And take others with you. DOCTOR: (Sharply.) No! No, I couldn't possibly do that. SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Why not? DOCTOR: Well, it would create a dimensional paradox. It would shatter the space/time continuum of all universes! BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Quietly.) If you can save yourself - you can save us. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. COMPLEX (Although stood in line, the RSF squad are chatting to themselves against the background noise of the explosions. BENTON walks past them and watches as he hears a particularly loud rumbling and explosion. He then turns back to his troops.) PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: Squad! 'Shun! (The soldiers jump to attention.) PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: As you were! (They relax...) PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: 'Shun! (...and stand to attention again.) PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: Stand at ease! (They do so.) PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: (Mutters.) Don't move. [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (A familiar and yet strangely strangulated voice comes out of a loudspeaker.) DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Doctor...Williams...the... (The voice tails off into a series of guttural gasps. PETRA, at a console, jumps up, a nervous look on her face. She runs over to the loudspeaker on the wall and listens but the sound has finished. She looks round.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Greg? (There is no sign of SUTTON and PETRA is alone.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Greg? (She walks over to the still-lowered heat shield. She then calls out as she loses her nerve...) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Greg?! GREG SUTTON: (OOV.) What's up? (He comes running down a side passage.) GREG SUTTON: I was disposing of that thing's body. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: I just heard something from the intercom. GREG SUTTON: Not a chance - they're all done for in there! DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: You come and listen. (They run over to the loudspeaker but all they hear is a buzzing sound.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: I did hear something! (Suddenly, cries of pain from STAHLMAN come through the loudspeaker. A second later, the party returns from the hut.) GREG SUTTON: We've just heard something from the drill-head. SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: That's impossible - they must all be dead in there. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: I tell you - we heard something! (They listen for a moment. The only sound is the rumbling and the explosions, then...) DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Dr. Williams! Can you hear me? Raise the heat shield! Manual controls are...jammed with the heat... (His voice again tails off into a guttural sound, almost a growl.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: The Director! DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Can you hear me, Dr. Williams? Let us...let us out...! (Again his voice becomes a growl...) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: It is the Director! We've got to do what he says and let him out of there! (She runs towards a console. The DOCTOR grabs her by the arm.) DOCTOR: You mustn't! DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: But he's alive! (She shakes him off and runs to the console.) DOCTOR: No! (He runs after her and gently but forcefully pulls her away from the console by the hands. The BRIGADE LEADER comes round the other side and takes out his ubiquitous gun.) DOCTOR: Whatever you do, don't raise that heat shield! BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: If the Director's found a solution, then we need him out here. Now stand back, Doctor! (He reluctantly does so and PETRA activates the controls. To her surprise, they work and the buzzing of the rising heat shield is heard.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: He must have unlocked the manuals! The controls are working! (The heat shield rises a few feet and then stops. The drill-head room beyond is suffused with an orange glow and smoke pours out from under the gap. The bottom of STAHLMAN, still clad in his disaster suit is revealed. PETRA manipulates more controls and STAHLMAN puts his hands under the shield and starts to push it upwards - but the hands are covered in a coarse black hair. The shield is fully pushed upwards and STAHLMAN is seen, but he is still covered by the full disaster suit - hood and all. He gasps and staggers into central control.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Director! (She rushes down from the higher level console towards her employer but the DOCTOR, a look of concern on his face, again runs after her and tries to stop her.) DOCTOR: No - don't go anywhere near him! Don't go near him! DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Please help! (They stop and watch as STAHLMAN starts to slowly remove his hood. Beyond him, in the drill-head are glimpsed the moving figures of the technicians in the smoke. STAHLMAN finally wrenches his hood off. The being underneath is utterly transformed. His head and chin are covered in coarse hair, what remains of his face is green in colour with red-ringed eyes and his teeth are savage and canine like a wolf's. The people in central control are stunned with shock. What used to be STAHLMAN gestures behind him and the former technicians stagger out of the drill-head. The four of them are transformed in a similar manner and growl at their terrified observers.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. CENTRAL CONTROL (PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON walks towards and into central control.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (STAHLMAN and the primordial technicians warily watch the survivors. STAHLMAN gestures to his cohorts to come further forward but they remain back.) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Why don't they attack? DOCTOR: They're acclimatising themselves. They don't want to get too far away from the heat. GREG SUTTON: Let's get out of here! (They make a dash for the main exit but at STAHLMAN'S gesture, one of the PRIMORDS scrambles forward and blocks the way.) GREG SUTTON: The other way! (They try to make a run for the exit near the power console but another PRIMORD runs forward with surprising speed.) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Now they've covered both exits. DOCTOR: We'll make a break for your office. (Suddenly, the BRIGADE LEADER roars...) BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Benton, get out! (As the PLATOON LEADER enters the room, three PRIMORDS run forward and set on him. One grabs his gun whilst the other two grab the soldier himself and start to pull him across the room watched by the horrified survivors.) PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: Please, no! No, no! (They pull him towards STAHLMAN who reaches out a hair-covered claw-like hand towards BENTON'S face.) PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: No...no...no...no..no...! (He cries out in pain as STAHLMAN touches his face and then falls to the floor, crying out in agony. The DOCTOR uses the diversion. He pushes GREG out of the way, runs to an inspection hatch at the base of a console and wrenches out some wires within. He looks up as the heat shield to the drill-head starts to close. STAHLMAN cries out in anger as he sees the source of their heat being cut off and he and the other PRIMORDS run to the fast closing doorway.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Into the office! (All do as instructed expect GREG who runs towards the writhing BENTON.) DOCTOR: Leave him be! There's nothing you can do! Come on, hurry! (GREG runs after them and the DOCTOR shuts the door. A PRIMORD attempts to run after them but the loss of heat causes it to sink to the floor, stunned into inactivity. The same cannot be said for BENTON who crawls across the floor, screaming in agony. He clutches at his face and, reaching a wall, almost crawls up it. His face is now green and his eyebrows are growing more bushier. His teeth are extending. Black coarse hair appears on his hands and his cries grow guttural. More coarse hair appears on his head and face. He falls to the ground, rolling in the smoke left behind from the drill-head opening. When he rises, his teeth are canine and he has undergone a full transformation...) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. BRIGADE LEADER'S OFFICE GREG SUTTON: (Shouts, to the DOCTOR.) Well, we shouldn't have just left Benton! (To LETHBRIDGE STEWART.) You don't mind sacrificing your men, do you, Brigade Leader? DOCTOR: Believe me, Mr. Sutton, there was nothing we could have done. GREG SUTTON: Well not now, there isn't. He's probably been killed by those...things! DOCTOR: Worse than that - he'll have become one of them...and the heat will accelerate the process. GREG SUTTON: Well, why did you cut them off from the drill-head? DOCTOR: To keep them away from the heat. The hotter it is, the stronger they grow. GREG SUTTON: Well, if it gets any hotter in here, they won't have to attack. We'll just shrivel up. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well Doctor, it doesn't look as though your space craft is going to be much good to anybody now. GREG SUTTON: Space craft? DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: What are they talking about? SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: The Doctor has some sort of "device" that could get him out of here. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Only the Doctor, of course - not the rest of us. SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: He says he comes from a...parallel world. GREG SUTTON: Look, will somebody tell me what's going on? [SCENE_BREAK] 21: DIMENSION BARRIER (Back in that parallel world...) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. SIR KEITH GOLD'S CAR (NIGHT) (SIR KEITH GOLD sits in the back of his chauffeur driven limousine reading a newspaper as the driver, PATTERSON, continues the journey through the night. SIR KEITH looks up from his paper.) SIR KEITH GOLD: Where are we, Patterson? I don't recognise this. PATTERSON: Different route, sir - trying to avoid the traffic. (SIR KEITH puts down his paper and tries a car phone. He taps the bridge several times.) SIR KEITH GOLD: What's the matter with this thing? PATTERSON: No idea, sir. It was working on the way up. (SIR KEITH gives up.) SIR KEITH GOLD: It took me a day's hard talking to convince the Minister. Now I can't even get in touch with the complex. PATTERSON: Are they going to slow down the drilling, sir? SIR KEITH GOLD: They're going to suspend it, pending a full review of the project. (He looks out of the window again.) SIR KEITH GOLD: Where the devil are we? It looks like the middle of nowhere. (PATTERSON doesn't reply. SIR KEITH looks at him with suspicion.) SIR KEITH GOLD: All right, Patterson, what's going on? PATTERSON: I'm sorry, sir. I don't understand. SIR KEITH GOLD: (Sharply.) Answer me, please. (PATTERSON looks troubled.) PATTERSON: Orders, sir. SIR KEITH GOLD: From whom? (PATTERSON doesn't reply.) SIR KEITH GOLD: Professor Stahlman, wasn't it? PATTERSON: Yes sir. SIR KEITH GOLD: Was I ever supposed to get back from the ministry? PATTERSON: Not if you was successful, sir. I was to drive as far off the route as I could and stage a breakdown. SIR KEITH GOLD: The man's raving mad! PATTERSON: He threatened to have me sacked, sir. SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, you realise now that I have the Minister's full authority behind me. PATTERSON: Yes sir. SIR KEITH GOLD: All right. If you can break all records getting back to the complex, I might just forget about all this. PATTERSON: Thank you, sir, I'll be very grateful. SIR KEITH GOLD: So you should be - now put your foot down. PATTERSON: Sir, I'd, er, I'd like you to know that I objected to the order, sir. (PATTERSON looks behind him at his passenger.) SIR KEITH GOLD: (Shouts.) Keep you eyes on the road! Look out! (The headlights of an approaching car fill the interior. Tyres screech as PATTERSON wrenches the wheel and puts his arm across his face for protection...) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: DIMENSION BARRIER (Back in the dying parallel world...) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (...the PRIMORDS come to life as the heat increases. Growling, they stagger towards the BRIGADE LEADER'S office. STAHLMAN growls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. BRIGADE LEADER'S OFFICE BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Angrily.) So, we're expected to sacrifice all our lives so as the Doctor can get back to his..."other world". SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: We haven't got any lives to sacrifice. It's only a question of time. DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: What do you think, Greg? GREG SUTTON: It's the weirdest story I've ever heard, but I'm prepared to believe the Doctor. SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: You're outvoted, Brigade Leader. BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It makes very little difference as we're all trapped in here anyway. DOCTOR: Not necessarily. I do have a plan for getting us out, but it all depends on those creatures out there. (The DOCTOR looks towards one of the doors. However, the PRIMORDS have regained their strength and one of them suddenly crashes an arm through the window of the second door as they attempt to break in and attack...)	Plan: A: The earth's crust; Q: What has been penetrated? A: the Doctor; Q: Who begins to realise the planet has passed the point of no return? A: the disaster; Q: What is the Doctor and Greg trying to contain? Summary: The earth's crust has been penetrated and, while the Doctor and Greg try to contain the disaster, the Doctor begins to realise the planet has passed the point of no return.
[A House] (Damon and Enzo are in an empty house) Enzo: You think the fella loved milking cows? Damon: Probably. Then she became one, so he drank himself into oblivion, she cheated with the pastor Enzo: Hey. Just because you lost your true love doesn't mean you have to dump on others Damon: There's no love in there. Look at that picture. It's old, and the milkmaid's nowhere to be found. It's just pathetic old farmer John Enzo: Manners. It's impolite to speak ill of our hosts Damon: Doubt he'll mind Enzo: Somebody's cranky. It's been almost 8 hours since you last fed, so I suppose that's about right Damon: You're timing me? Enzo: You feed on vampires now. I am a vampire. The only way to assure my safety is to know how long you can last before your next fix Damon: Or you can just leave Enzo: I don't abandon my friends, Damon. Besides, if you hadn't come with me to kill Dr. Wes, he wouldn't have stuck you with that nasty virus (A man wakes up) Enzo: Ah! Just in time. Hello! Man: What did you do? What's happening? Enzo: Uh, you died, but luckily, you had my blood in your system, so when you drink this,you'll feel much better. There you are Damon: Good boy Man: What was that? Enzo: That was blood. You're a vampire. Congratulations Man: I'm a what? Enzo: I know. It's overwhelming, and Damon will explain more in a bit,but before he does, settle a bet. Your wife. Where is she? Man: Wait. I drink blood now? Enzo: Again, we'll explain everything. Where's your wife? Man: She's gone. She left me years ago Damon: Pastor? Pastor? Man: Pharmacist Damon: Yes. I will take that as a win for me, not for you Enzo: Oh, stop trying to scare me, Damon. I'm not leaving you. I'm the only friend you have left [Salvatore's House] (Katherine and Stefan are in the library, studying) Stefan: Roman Empire Katherine: 76 A.D. sacked by the Goths Stefan: Han Dynasty Katherine: 220 A.D Stefan: Holy Roman Empire Katherine: Not really an empire, but 1648 Stefan: There goes your perfect score Katherine: What? No. That was right Stefan: No, no, no. The book says 1806 Katherine: Heh. Ok. Well, 1806 may technically be right, but it was the Peace of Westphalia that truly ended the empire. Trust me. I may have done a paper on the Holy Roman Empire in high school Stefan: Well, if you want to pass the test, I suggest you write down exactly what's in your textbook.Oh. Caroline's here. I asked the sheriff to help me track down Damon (Stefan opens the door to Caroline) Caroline: You were right. He's off the rails. This is from my mom Stefan: Let me guess... missing persons and animal attacks Caroline: Check and check. There's something else. All the victims were found inside their homes without their head, and there skin was desiccated Stefan: Damon's feeding on vampires. I shouldn't have let him go Caroline: No! Uh-uh. No! You are not turning Damon's roosting chickens into a Stefan Salvatore guilt trip. No one could have stopped him from going after Wes the other night Stefan: Guess Wes must have injected him with whatever he was gonna give Elena that makes vampires feed on vampires Caroline: Good news, bad news. Bad news is that when this happened to Jesse we had to kill him, but the good news is... I'm sorry. Usually there's some good news Stefan: I have to find him (Katherine rejoins them) Katherine: Well, I can come with you Caroline: Elena, hey! I didn't know that you were here Katherine: Well, Stefan has been helping me study Caroline: Oh. Stefan who doesn't go to college Katherine: Stefan who's an expert in history (Caroline's phone rings) Caroline: Uh-huh. Um... It's Tyler. I haven't really spoken to him since, the, um, incident Stefan: The incident? You mean the time where he almost killed you? (She answers) Caroline: Hey Tyler: Hey, have you talked to Matt? Caroline: No. Why? Tyler: Because it turns out Nadia's been compelling him to forget things. Matt said he was gonna avoid her, but now I haven't heard from him Caroline: Do you think that he's in trouble? Tyler: He hasn't been home or at work, and his cell phone goes straight to voicemail Caroline: Ok. Well, I'll come right over and... Tyler: No. That's not why I called Caroline: No. I know, but I think that we can figure this out together. I'll see you soon (She hangs up) Katherine: Maybe I should come with you Caroline: No. No. You deal with Damon. We can handle this. Besides, it's time that we move into the next phase of our post-breakup, pre-friendship relationship timeline Katherine: Ok. I'm gonna stay out that one. I'm gonna get some clothes, and you'll pick me up at my dorm? Stefan: Sure (She leaves) Stefan: Bad news is Tyler hates you, but the good news is...hmm Caroline: It'll be fine. We both have weird ex...friend situations Stefan: We? There's nothing weird going on between Elena and me Caroline: Come on, Stefan! First she tells you that she's gonna fight to get Damon back,and then she rebreaks up with him, and now she's here with you, her ex, studying? Stefan: She's here with her friend studying without the implied quotes Caroline: Look. I'm just saying that Elena and Damon's breakup is messy,and you are not messy.You're stable and sane and... Stefan: and I'm about to spend 12 hours in a car with her alone, so whatever she's feeling I'm sure I'll be able to figure it out [Whitmore College] (Katherine is on the phone with Nadia) Katherine: What's going on with Matt? Nadia: Nothing Katherine: Really? Because goldilocks and the big bad wolf are meeting to powwow about him as we speak Nadia: Fine. Matt found out about you Katherine: He what?! Nadia: Tyler gave him Vervain Katherine: Kill him Nadia: Katherine! Katherine: Kill him now Nadia: He doesn't need to die. The Vervain will be out of his system soon, and I've kept him out of sight for two days, so he hasn't told anyone Katherine: So you two have just been tucked away, canoodling? Nadia: I don't even know what that means Katherine: We all love Matt Donovan. Otherwise, he would have been dead a long time ago, but when it comes to keeping my new doppelganger body a secret, nobody is that important. I am going out of town with Stefan because he wants to find Damon Nadia: I thought you wanted Damon out of the picture Katherine: Meh. I do, but I saw an opportunity to be alone with Stefan for a few days, and, well, I took it Nadia: And what happens when you get too close, too comfortable? What happens when you slip up? Will you kill your precious Stefan, too? Katherine: Using my own words against me. Now that's a Petrova specialty. Take care of the Matt issue before I get back into town, or I'll have to do it myself (She hangs up) [A Restaurant] (Matt and Nadia are together) Matt: It'll be fine. I just need to convince my friends that I'm ok. I'll keep your secret. No one has to die Nadia: Relax. I'm not going to syrup you to death. What's canoodling? [A House] Enzo: I didn't realize you liked to play with dolls Damon: Well, my brother likes to make a big show, set them up, put their heads back on, pretend like it didn't happen. I, on the other hand, don't give a crap Enzo: Well, we've got 8 hours till you need to feed again. I wonder, what's New York like these days Damon: Crowded Enzo: Perfect. Let's go. Oh, what is that? Damon: It's the obnoxious theme song of the Travelers (They open the door and see travelers outside. Wes is there too) Wes: As a man of science, I always considered magic a cheat. Turns out I cheat. How's the appetite? Damon: Funny you should ask. I was just craving a blond Wes: You're my patient zero, Damon. I couldn't let you ride off into the sunset without running a few tests Enzo: A few tests Wes: Well, one test. Now that you're trapped with only one source of food, how long can you go before you feed on your best friend? [A Gas Station] (Stefan and Katherine stop to put some gas in the car) Katherine: You ever think about getting a new car? Stefan: What are you talking about? This car's a classic Katherine: Yeah, and so is, uh, Wright brothers' plane, but you don't see people still flying around in that thing Stefan: You know, uh... I appreciate you being here, but you didn't have to come Katherine: I told you I'm doing this for you because you're still holding on to the hope that maybe this is the time that Damon can be saved Stefan: And you don't think he can? Look. I know that he crossed a line with Jeremy, but, you know, he's crossed many lines before Katherine: You mean, when he actually killed Jeremy? Yes, I recall Stefan: I'm just saying you've never really closed him off like this before Katherine: I mean, obviously, I still care about Damon. I guess I got my hopes up too many times I want off the emotional roller coaster that is Damon's redemption. You know, it's just... it's dizzying. Are you hungry? Because I'm starving Stefan: Um, sure. What do you want? Katherine: Whatever you're having but with a lot more salt and maybe covered in chocolate Stefan: Coming right up [A House] (Damon tries to find a way to get out) Enzo: Give it up, mate. Those Travelers sealed this whole place up tight Damon: The spell can't last forever Enzo: Doesn't need to. Wes only needs it to last 8 hours, remember? Then he can come back inside and autopsy my mangled corpse Damon: You're pretty Zen about all this Enzo: Did you forget everything I taught you in that cell? Calmer heads will always prevail Damon: Always the solider Enzo: But you do have people we can call, like your brother or your ex, who can in turn find Wes and threaten him or maim him or anything that doesn't involve your fangs on my neck Damon: My brother told me to leave and not come back. I'm not calling him Enzo: So my life is not worth your pride? Damon: They won't come Enzo: Or they will. Then you might hurt them. Don't want to risk, do you? Me on the other hand... Damon: I'm not gonna feed on you Enzo: I'll find another way [Lockwood Mansion] (Tyler and Caroline are in the living room) Caroline: Thank you. Mmm. That's good coffee. Although I usually take mine with a little more awkward silence Tyler: Nice try, but you don't take anything with silence Caroline: So Matt.He's missing? Tyler: I don't know if he's missing. He just hasn't been home in two days, and he's not answering his phone (Matt finally arrives) Caroline: Matt? Matt: Caroline! What are you doing here? Caroline: Tyler Kind of wondering the same thing. Where the hell have you been? (Nadia arrives) Nadia: Did I give you my sunglasses? Oh. Hello. I thought you said they wouldn't be home Caroline: Ok. Rewind. Start over. This whole time you've been with Nadia? Matt: It's a long story. Nadia, come on in [A Gas Station] (Stefan is checking the car) Stefan: Hey. Can you hold this for a second? Katherine: Yeah Stefan: Careful. It has grease on it Katherine: Oh, ok Stefan: I have no idea how this hose ripped out, but we're not gonna be able to go anywhere until I get a new one. I guess I'll see if that mechanic has a spare. You weren't careful at all? Katherine: What? What? Ohh! I love this shirt Stefan: You loved that shirt Katherine: Great. Awesome that's just awesome Stefan: Now there's grease all over your face Katherine: Well, you've got all that engine stuff on you, and I clearly have to change. I saw a hotel, like, a couple streets down that way. Do you think we should get a room so that we can shower while we're waiting for the car? Stefan: No. I should probably stay here in case they finish early, but you can go Katherine: Give them your phone number. I assume that your phone does receive incoming calls, right? Or is it from the Han Dynasty just like your car? Stefan: That's funny Katherine: Will you grab my bag? Stefan: Sure. Be right there [Lockwood's Mansion] (Caroline, Tyler, Matt and Nadia are all sitting together) Matt: I was on my way out of town, and then there she was, sitting on the front steps, waiting for me Nadia: Subtlety's not my strong suit. I felt bad about compelling him and bad about snapping your neck. Again, subtlety Tyler: So why haven't you been answering your phone? Matt: Uh, I lost it the first night Caroline: First night where? Nadia: Atlantic City.I'd never been, neither had Matt Matt: 1 drink led to 3 and to 5 and then, uh... The rest is kind of a blur Caroline: Yeah, because she's compelling you! Matt: Caroline, I'm wearing Vervain. She's not compelling me Caroline: Where have you been the last two days? Matt: I told you. She's not compelling me. We're having fun Caroline: Oh. Fun! Just like the time she buried you alive! Whoo! Pop open the champagne! Nadia: I thought you said she'd be cool with us hanging out Caroline: And what the hell is that supposed to mean? Nadia: It means you've done nothing but judge Matt since he walked through that door when everyone here knows you're not exactly winning friends with your romantic choices. Isn't that right, Tyler? Tyler: I don't want to be a part of this (He leaves) (Caroline follows him) Caroline: She's just trying to get under our skin to distract us Tyler: From what? This is Matt we're talking about. Did you forget that time he went to Europe with Rebekah after she ran his truck off the road? Caroline: You're not seriously buying all this? Tyler: Hell of a lot easier to buy than other things that have happened [SCENE_BREAK] [A Motel] (Katherine and Stefan enter a room) Stefan: So what did you do, bring your entire closet? Katherine: Well, I didn't know how long we'd be gone, and let's be honest. Damon's spirals require a little more than an overnight bag Stefan: We'll get him back. He's, uh... he's hurt, but he's not a lost cause Katherine: What makes you think that? Stefan: Because I know what he's going through Katherine: What do you mean? Stefan: You don't know what it's like being in love with you. You know, when you and I were together, every single atom in my body told me that it was the right thing, that we were the perfect fit, and that kind of love, it can change your whole life, and then when somebody who made you feel that way suddenly stops, the vacuum is just... Katherine: I get it. They built a whole prophecy around it Stefan: He's not handling it right, but he's not gone Katherine: You need a refill Stefan: I should go wash up [A House] Enzo: Towing chains. Farmer's best friend and in about an hour, mine. Take a seat Damon: They're not gonna let us out of here until I kill you... Or you kill me Enzo: Don't be dramatic. We'll work something out Damon: There's no cure, Enzo, not for this Enzo: You've given it all of two days. That's what you do, isn't it? There's a problem, you run. You did it to me, you did it to your girl Damon: Because when I stay, I destroy things Enzo: We're not all as fragile as you think we are (He takes his phone) Damon: What the hell are you doing? Enzo: Calling for backup Damon: I thought I told you not call them Enzo: And I told you your pride isn't worth either of our lives [A Motel] (A phone rings. Katherine answers) Katherine: Oh, my God. Damon? Enzo: Hello, Stefan. How wonderful to hear your beautiful feminine voice Katherine: Enzo. What the hell do you want? Enzo: I'm in a spot of trouble actually Katherine: Where's Damon? Enzo: Oh, he's here, salivating, about to chomp into my neck and feed until my head pops off in a grotesque but slightly comical fashion Katherine: Wes infected him? Enzo: You know about the virus. Good. We could use a hand. Wes enlisted some of those singing witches and trapped us in the house Damon: Do not come here! Enzo: He doesn't want to risk feeding on you. That's sweet really, but you'll be fine. Besides if he does feed on you, I have orders to kill him Katherine: Ok. Um, text me the address to my phone, and we'll be there as soon as we can Enzo: Fine. And, uh, ticktock. I managed to restrain him, but you know how persistent Damon can be when he wants something Katherine: We'll be there soon (She hangs up and Stefan comes out of the bathroom) Stefan: You say something? Katherine: No [A House] Enzo: It'll be all right, mate. They'll come, and we'll sort something out Damon: Or they'll come, and I'll feed on them Enzo: Those are also options. As long as I live, I'm good. Joking. Kind of (Wes shoots him) Enzo: If you were aiming for my heart, you missed Wes: Don't worry. I wasn't. Chains were a good idea. Now I can see exactly how strong he becomes when enraged. Conclusion... very strong Enzo: Boy, do I miss that indestructible Augustine cage right about now. Damon, stop! Damon, stop! Stop! Please, Damon, stop!Damon, stop! Stop, please! Damon! Aah! Aah! What did you do to him? Wes: My friends here raised the acidity of your blood. There must be some witchy explanation for it, but Damon's basically drinking hydrochloric acid. I suggest you leave before the spell wears off Enzo: And go where... with you? Wes: There's one more thing I need from you. Then I'll let you go for good. The other option is to stay in here with your cannibal friend and see how long you last Damon: Go, Enzo!I tried to kill you. I'll do it again. Go, Enzo! [A Motel] (Katherine comes out of the shower) Stefan: Car's done Katherine: I'll be right there. Hey, um... Would mind grabbing me my shirt? It's the... the green one right on top Stefan: Yeah, sure Katherine: Thanks (They kiss) Stefan: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is... This wrong. We, uh... You and Damon just split up Katherine: You don't have to, um... you're right. I'm... I'm sorry. I was just in the moment. I shouldn't have Stefan: Yeah. We have a long night ahead of us, so maybe we should... Katherine: Yeah. Um, you know what? Why don't you go, um, settle up the bill, and I'll... I'll finish packing? (He leaves .she takes her phone and calls Nadia) Katherine: Who do you think Stefan loves more, Damon or Elena? Nadia: Why are you calling me? Katherine: Damon has been infected by the ripper virus, and I know exactly where he is, so if I can get Damon to attack me, the only way to save me would be for Stefan to kill him Nadia: You're going to make Stefan kill his brother?Dark, even for you Katherine: Thank you. So how goes it with Matty blue eyes? Dead yet? Nadia: Still working on it. Good luck with your plan to win Stefan's love [Lockwood's Mansion] (Nadia and Matt are playing cards) Matt: So...I'm curious. We spent a few days together now Nadia: Canoodling? Matt: Canoodling. Exactly. It seems like you went through all this trouble to save your mom, but she only seems interested in Stefan Nadia: That's Katherine. I didn't expect mother-daughter boozy brunches Matt: Yeah, but you did expect something Nadia: Are you going to play a card or what? Matt: Look. I've been where you are. My mom used to disappear for weeks at a time and then show up one day out of the blue like nothing happened. Before you knew it, I'd be at the stove, making her a grilled cheese Nadia: This isn't like that Matt: Isn't it? She decides when you're worth it on her watch, but guess what: You're never gonna be as interesting as the next guy she wants to sleep with Nadia: Matt, you'd say anything to help Elena. I'm not an idiot Matt: You are if you think that Katherine's gonna choose you... because she's not Nadia: Do you know why you found yourself making all those sandwiches? Because the second your mom walked back into your life, you forgot all those horrible things that she did because at the end of the day, she's still your mom,and you love her. Give me your wrist. The Vervain is gone. Our fun is over Matt: Wait. Since I'm gonna forget this anyway... Nadia: What was that for? Matt: Thank you.If I'm gonna be threatened and held against my will, I could think of worse scenarios Nadia: What the hell? Matt: What'd you expect? Elena's my best friend. I'll always protect her Nadia: It just sucks. You were the only decent person in this town Matt: And I still am, and so are you .You could have killed me this morning, and you didn't. You're not like her, and you know it (She compels him) Nadia: Forget everything you're not supposed to know. We partied, we slept together, then I left. Good-bye (She leaves) (She's about to leave but Caroline is here) Caroline: Going somewhere? Nadia: Actually, I am, and you're in my way (Matt arrives) Caroline: Matt, are you ok? Matt: Yeah. Why? What's going on in here? Caroline: You texted me from Nadia's phone. So you compelled him again Nadia: And they say blonds are dumb Caroline: What are you doing to him? Tell me! Matt: Nadia, stop! Nadia: You may not remember, Matt, but this is your fault. Trust me (Tyler intervenes) Tyler: Young hybrid beats old vampire every time! (She leaves) Matt: Wait a second! Does anyone want to tell me how this is my fault? [A House] (Damon is alone. Stefan and Katherine arrive) Damon: Elena. Don't. I said don't!You come in here, you ain't coming out Stefan: What exactly happened here? Damon: I wanted revenge, got stuck with the vampire virus, almost killed my last friend. Typical Damon Katherine: Enzo texted me the address here. Damon, we're here to help you Damon: You can't help me. I feed on vampires now. You're both vampires. Do yourselves a favor and leave Stefan: Well, that's not gonna happen Damon: Stay back! Stefan: I'm not afraid of you, Damon Katherine: Neither am I Damon: You better get out. What the hell is wrong with you? Katherine: I'm proving to you that you're not a lost cause, Damon Damon: Elena... Katherine: See? Damon, you can resist this. You can do it. Why? Because you love me, and that love is stronger than any craving Damon: Get away from me, Elena Stefan: Elena, he's gonna kill you Katherine: No. No. He's not going to. He's not going to. You can do this, Damon. Fight it. There you go. Turn around. There you go (Damon finally attacks her) Stefan: Damon, stop! Damon, let go of her, let go of her! Katherine: Stefan! Stefan: Let go! Katherine: No! He's going... to kill me! Stefan: Here, Damon. Look over here. You smell that? Feed on me, not her. That's good. That's good. Feed on me [Lockwood's Mansion] (Caroline rejoins Tyler) Caroline: Well, the only thing Matt remembers is that they slept together. Well... so... Tyler: Care, I never said sorry. I was pissed, but... Caroline: No excuses, ok? Look. We can get past this together. Ok? I just want us to be good again, you know? Tyler: I said I was sorry.I didn't say I was past it Caroline: Of course. Obviously. I mean, Rome wasn't built in a day Tyler: How evolved do you think I am?You slept with Klaus. You slept with the guy that killed my mom. What's a fair amount of time for me to get past that? A week, a month? Tell me. What sounds right to you? Caroline: Ok. You made your point Tyler: Look. I'm not trying to be a dick, but the idea of us being good, it's not gonna happen Caroline: Understood [Salvatore's House] (Stefan and Damon are in the cell) Damon: I know you can't help yourself, but if you bring home a rabid animal, you're gonna get bit Stefan: Never should have told you to leave Damon: I'm gonna kill you, Stefan. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but at some point I'm gonna rip open your throat, and you're gonna die Stefan: Oh, come on, Damon. You think I'm afraid of a ripper? Who do you think invented the word? You know that feeling you get when you're around vampire blood, that burning in your veins? I feel that on a daily basis, and there's a way to control it Damon: And let me guess... it'd bring you no greater pleasure than to teach me Stefan: No. It's a good guess, but right now, I'm gonna go get you a little bit more Vervain, and then I'm gonna have a drink, and I'm gonna let you think about what a royal pain in the ass you've been lately. You're my brother.I'm not gonna give up on you. I never will Damon: She has Stefan: You talking about Elena? Damon: Mm-hmm Stefan: She practically got herself killed to prove a point today Damon: You remember the vampire ripper Jesse? When he attacked me, Elena had to kill him, but if there was the slightest chance that there was another way to stop him, she would have taken it Stefan: Yeah, so? Damon: She knew it would be impossible for me to resist her blood, and then she just kicked you a stake and essentially told you to kill me Stefan: So what are you saying? You saying that Elena wanted me to kill you? Damon: You got another excuse, hmm? That's what I thought [A Restaurant] (Katherine rejoins Nadia) Katherine: I could use a steak Nadia: You're chipper. That must mean Damon is dead Katherine: Not quite. In fact, he continues to be the bane of my existence, but... Stefan and I had a moment. Heh. Don't worry. I'll keep the details to myself, but it definitely reaffirmed his feelings for Elena, i.e. me. Heh Nadia: So, uh, it's only a matter of time. Sounds like you're going to get everything you want Katherine: Of course I will. Assuming that you took care of the Matt situation Nadia: Your secret is safe Katherine: Perfect. So I'm in a really good mood right now, which means I don't really feel like worrying whatever's making you mopey Nadia: You won't have to worry about me for much longer Katherine: What's that supposed to mean? Nadia: Tyler Lockwood bit me [Salvatore's House] (Stefan enters the living room and sees Caroline) Stefan: Hey. When'd you get here? Caroline: Eh, about 1 ½ of these ago. You were right. I brought this on myself. I knew the Klaus thing was gonna come with consequences. Guess now I just have to deal with it and learn from my mistakes Stefan: Glad I could help. So did you find Matt? Caroline: Yes, and Tyler was right. Nadia's been compelling him to forget things Stefan: What do you mean? What kind of things? Caroline: Who knows? He tried to message me, but Nadia stopped him. "Help. K" was all I got Stefan: Huh Caroline: So you and Elena? What's the verdict? Stefan: Um, well, the verdict is she's acting strange. She kissed me Caroline: Excuse me? Stefan: Yeah. My car broke down, so we got a hotel room so she could shower... Caroline: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys got a hotel room with a shower? Stefan: Yeah, but it wasn't like that. I mean, I stopped it obviously. I couldn't do it to Damon Caroline: Yeah, but she could? I just... I don't get it. She knows that this would destroy him. What is she doing? Stefan: That's what I mean. It's like she's given up on Damon, and he thinks that she was trying to get me to kill him tonight Caroline: But she would never want him dead Stefan: Unless... Matt texted you, "help. K," before Nadia stopped him. "K," as in Katherine, and when Katherine was dying, Nadia figured out a way to put Katherine's spirit inside Nadia's body Caroline: Yeah, but that didn't happen because Katherine had a change of heart. No. No. You don't think that... it's impossible that she'd be... we would have noticed. It's Elena. We know her... Oh, my God	Plan: A: Damon's behavior; Q: What escalates from destructive to deadly? A: Damon; Q: Who attacks Katherine? A: their last conversation; Q: What does Stefan regret about Damon? A: a relationship; Q: What does Katherine hope to spark with Stefan? A: Dr. Wes; Q: Who enlists the Travelers to set a trap to keep Enzo and Damon trapped? A: the Travelers; Q: Who does Dr. Wes enlist to set a trap to keep Enzo and Damon trapped in a house? A: Enzo; Q: Who does Damon have to feed on in order to survive? A: help; Q: What does Enzo call Stefan for? A: Matt; Q: Who tries to warn Caroline and Tyler, but Nadia compels him? A: any answers; Q: What do Caroline and Tyler not get from Nadia or Matt? A: their basement; Q: Where does Stefan take Damon after he breaks him apart? A: a dejected Caroline; Q: Who does Stefan try to comfort? A: their conversation; Q: What leads Stefan and Caroline to figure out that Katherine has taken over Elena's body? Summary: As Damon's behavior escalates from destructive to deadly, Stefan begins to regret their last conversation and decides to track Damon down and intervene. Katherine, masquerading as Elena, decides to accompany him in hopes of sparking a relationship. Dr. Wes enlists the Travelers to set a trap to keep Enzo and Damon trapped in a house until Damon has to feed on Enzo. Enzo calls Stefan for help, but Katherine picks up and decides to try and pit Stefan and Damon against each other. Matt comes back with Nadia and tries to warn Caroline and Tyler, but Nadia compels him before he can. Caroline and Tyler confront Nadia, but don't get any answers from her or Matt. Elena and Stefan find Damon and Damon attacks Katherine (in Elena's body), forcing Stefan to have to break him apart. He then takes Damon back to their basement and chains him up. Later, when Stefan tries to comfort a dejected Caroline, their conversation leads to them figuring out Katherine has taken over Elena's body.
YEAR 2030 INT. LIVING ROOM (Daughter and Son sitting on couch) Future Ted: Kids, I know you think that you've heard every story from back before I met your mother. But there are some stories you tell and some stories you don't. INT. MEN'S RESTROOM (Ted rushes in while on his cell phone) Ted: Oh my God. Barney...oh my God. (Barney on his cell phone while up at Ted's apartment) Barney: Use your words, Ted. (Ted on phone) Ted: OK. Barney, I'm about to go for the belt. (Barney on phone) Barney: The belt? (Ted on phone) Ted: The belt. (Barney on phone) Barney: But that's impossible. You were up here less than half an hour ago. (flashback to 'less than half an hour ago,' Barney and Marshall are playing Wii tennis in the living room) Marshall: Yes, advantage Ericksen. Barney: Don't get cocky. Wimbledon lasts a fortnight. Marshall: Fortnight. British words are so cool. Plus, did you know lawyers there get to wear wigs? I wear a wig to work, I'm a jackass. (Ted enters the living room from his bedroom) Ted: All right, I'm ready, let's hit it. Marshall: Can't go. Tournament. Ted: What? We agreed, I suited up. Barney: You take too long to get ready Ted: What are you talking about? I got the low-maintenance, just-rolled-out-of-bed look. Marshall: Yeah, which takes an hour and a half of waxing, tugging and teasing to achieve. Barney: And then he starts on his hair. Ace. Ted: Ha ha ha ha. Look, are we going or not? Barney: Just go without us, we'll be there in five minutes. Ted: Really? Barney, Marshall: Yes. Ted: All right, going down to the bar and ordering three beers, I'll see you in five minutes. (Ted opens front door to leave) Ted: (holding up appropriate number of fingers) 3 beers, 5 minutes. (Ted leaves, Marshall and Barney make strange finger movements mocking Ted's; Lily and Robin enter living room area from Lily's bedroom) Robin: Thanks for lending me these boots. Where did you get them from? Lily: Oh, this store in the Village had one of those crazy sales. It was a footwear feeding frenzy. (flashback to Lily in shoe store with lots of woman hurriedly grabbing merchandise) Lily: I saw it first. (Lily fighting over a boot with a blonde girl, boot slips out of Lily's hand and she falls down) Lily: You just made the list, bitch. (back to first flashback) Barney: So many questions. Firstly, what do you think would happen if a guy walked into that store wearing a suit of boots? Lily: You look fantastic in them, Robin. But don't you think they're a little high for that dress? Robin: Oh, that's the point. It's to hide the point that I haven't shaved my legs. I've begun a strict no-shave policy for the first three dates. It's all about self-control. If I don't shave, I must behave. Barney: FYI, it doesn't matter, baby. Guys just wanna get on the green. They don't mind going through the rough. (Marshall jumps up to hit an overhead shot) Marshall: Shekwakie. (Barney's cell phone rings, Barney takes phone out of his pocket and answers) Barney: Stinson. (Ted, down at bar, on phone) Ted: All right, the beers are here. Barney: Yeah, we're not gonna make it. Ted: Oh come on, we agreed...Did Marshall take his pants off? (Barney on phone, Marshall wearing boxers) Barney: Yeah, pants are off. Marshall: This is Wimbledon, Ted. I need the freedom and mobility that only underwear can provide. Cheerio. (Barney and Ted hang up) Ted: Fine, I don't need friends. I got you guys. You guys are my friends, my cold refreshing friends. I'm talking to beer. (Trudy walks up behind Ted) Trudy: Ted. (Ted turns around) Trudy: Trudy. Ted: Trudy. Oh my God, I haven't seen you since... (flashback to 'about 2 years ago', Ted and Trudy making out in his room and then back to present scene) Trudy: I slept with you, then climbed down the fire escape? Ted: That was you? Kidding. I was super wasted... that night. These are not all for me. (Trudy sitting at bar, Ted talking to her) Ted: No, I was gonna call you but I was so embarrassed. Trudy: You were embarrassed? I was like, I really like this guy and now I'm climbing out his window. (Ted laughs) Trudy: And I forgot my underwear. Ted: Those were yours? I thought they felt kinda tight. Kidding, I don't wear underwear, ladies underwear. Often. Again, I'm kidding. Trudy: I am so glad I ran into you. Ted: I know, do you wanna get a... (Ted gets interrupted by Rachel who just notices Trudy) Rachel: Trudy, no way! Trudy: Oh my God, Rachel, how are you? (Rachel and Trudy scream and hug) Trudy: Ted, this is Rachel. Rachel: Hi. Rachel, Trudy: Kappa Epsilon Gamma! Whoo! Ted: Let me guess, you guys met in prison. Rachel: No, we're sorority sisters. Trudy: And best friends forever, all sophomore year. Rachel: When we weren't at each other's throats. Trudy: We could be so competitive. But that's all behind us now. Rachel: (singing and dancing) Hey, mista... Rachel, Trudy: (Trudy joins in singing and dancing)... hey mista, stay away from my sista. Trudy: We have so much catching up do to. (Trudy and Rachel walk away from Ted together) Rachel: OK, are you going to Stacy's wedding? Trudy: Oh, it's off, apparently he's into dudes. Rachel: No! Again? That's like her third one. Trudy: I know. Ted: Well, beers, what do you want to do? Stay here, or I know this other place called my belly. (Rachel returns to Ted) Rachel: So, Trudy and I got a table. Ted: Oh, that's cool, I was gonna get outta here anyway, I'm really tired. Rachel: But I want you to stay. Ted: Tired of people who fold early 'cause I am wide awake. (Rachel laughs and heads back to her table, Ted turns to his beers and picks them up) Ted: OK, guys, be cool. OPENING CREDITS INT. APARTMENT (Barney and Marshall playing Wii tennis, Marshall serves) Marshall: Kazouwee. Vanquished, old bean. Barney: That's 'cause you distracted me. You've been hanging crumpet ever since the third set. (Marshall turns around to rearrange himself, Barney's phone rings, Barney answers) Barney: Stinson. (Ted on phone at bar standing away from table Rachel and Trudy are sitting at) Ted: I've got a situation. Trudy is here, you know, the pineapple incident. (Barney on phone) Barney: You mean, the girl who chalked your pool cue and snuck down the fire escape. Respect. (Ted on phone) Ted: So, we're hitting it off and then her friend shows up and they're kinda competitive. I think the new girl's kinda into me. (Barney on phone) Barney: So you now have two on the line? (Ted on phone) Ted: And I don't know which one to go for. Barney: Go for the new girl. (Barney on phone) Barney: Given the choice, always party with Dr. Strangelove. Lily: New girl? What new girl? Barney: Two girls are allegedly vying for Ted's affections and I think... Lily: Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. Give it to me. (Lily takes phone from Barney) Lily: Are they friends? (Ted on phone) Ted: Yeah. No, I don't know. They're old sorority sisters. Lily: Are they Betas? (Lily on phone) Lily: Because they're all sluts and you can tell them right now I didn't wanna be in their sorority anyway. (Ted on phone) Ted: They're Kappas and I think I can score with one of them. I don't know which one and if I choose wrong, I lose 'em both. (Lily on phone) Lily: OK, well, don't worry, I'll come down and help you figure it out. (Lily and Ted hang up phone) Marshall: I thought we were in for the evening. Barney: That's what I thought about your bangers and mash down there but I guess we're both wrong, governor. (Marshall turns around to rearrange again) INT. MACLAREN'S (Ted returns to table) Trudy: Oh, Ted, OK, settle an argument. Is it stealing if you go out with someone's boyfriend after they've broken up? Ted: Well, that's very complicated. Rachel: See, he agrees with me. You're such a little man-thief. Trudy: You're the man-thief, man-thief. Ted: Oh, somebody should lock you girls up. (Rachel and Trudy laugh) Trudy: You're so funny. I think Ted is funny. Rachel: Really? I think Ted is hilarious. (Ted's phone rings) Ted: (muttering to himself) I am never not wearing a suit again. (Ted answers phone) Ted: Hello. (Lily on phone standing next to bar) Lily: It's me, I'm at the bar. Don't look, just call me mom. Ted: Hi Mom, how's dad's colon? Lily: What? What's the matter with you? Anyway, both of these girls are into you. Take your pick. Ted: They are? Are you sure? Lily: Yes, of course. They're playing with their hair and touching your arm. Class green light. Ted: Are you positive? INT. RESTAURANT (Robin on date, flipping her hair) Robin: That is so fascinating. So what happened? (Robin reaches over and touches her date's arm) Robin's date: Well, after eighteen hours of surgery, I closed and thankfully both girls just celebrated their second birthday. Robin: Wow, gosh, separating conjoined twins. That must be the most amazing feeling. Robin's date: True, but now the parents don't know what to do with their huge supply of four-legged overalls. (Robin laughs and flips her hair) Robin: That is so funny. You are so funny. INT. MACLAREN'S (Ted and Lily on phone with each other) Lily: Positive. They both want you bad. It's a clearance sale and you're the boots, baby. (Rachel and Trudy both smile at Ted) Lily: Oh, it's Robin. Good luck. Ted: Bye mom. (Ted hangs up phone) Ted: My mom. (Lily answers call from Robin) Lily: Hello. (Robin on phone while standing in the ladies room) Robin: Bring me a razor. (Lily on phone) Lily: What about the no-shave rule? What happened to your convictions? (Robin on phone) Robin: They've been surgically removed by Dr. Awesome. (Lily on phone) Lily: No, I'm not doing it. The whole point to not shaving... (Robin on phone) Robin: Lily, please, he's really cute and I really like him. And he's got a British accent. (Lily on phone) Lily: I'm on my way. (Lily hangs up and rushes out of bar) Ted: So, this college boyfriend, who, who won him? Trudy: Neither of us. Rachel: He left, junior year abroad. Trudy: It's really too bad. There was that one thing we wanted to do. Rachel: We were gonna do, but never did. Ted: What? What, what were you guys gonna do but never did. Rachel: No, It's too embarrassing. You tell him. Trudy: No, you tell him. Rachel: I don't care if you don't care. Trudy: I don't care. Ted: Nobody cares, just say it. Rachel: Why don't we tell him together? Trudy: OK, on three. Trudy: One. (Lily enters front door of apartment) Lily: Well, he's right, it's a dead heat. (Trudy and Rachel both get closer to Ted) Trudy: Two. (Lily continues walking into apartment) Lily: Neither one is giving ground. I could not tell who was the third wheel. (Rachel and Trudy both put their hand on Ted's leg) Trudy: Three INT. MEN'S RESTROOM (Ted on cell phone) Ted: It's a tricycle. (Barney on phone) Barney: No way, no way, no way! Marshall: What's happening? (Barney passes phone to Marshall) Ted: It's a tricycle. Marshall: No way, no way, no way. It's a tricycle. Lily: Well, I'll just say it right now, all sorority girls are sluts. Barney: Put him on speaker. Barney: So what you're saying to us right now is you have a shot at the belt? Marshall: Wait wait wait, what belt? Ted: Barney and I have this running joke that the first guy to actually pull this off would win the championship belt. Marshall: Oh, so it's a metaphorical belt, right? (flashback to Barney removing a large belt from a box) Barney: Behold. Ted: You actually bought a belt. Barney: That's right, it's resplendent. Ted: It's just a thing we said, we were kidding around. Barney: I never kid. Remember you said if I ever slept with that girl from Days of our Lives, I'd be the king? Well... (Barney pulls a crown out of the box and puts it on his head) (back to present scene) Marshall: Why wasn't I told about the belt? I could go for the belt. Marshall: If Lily were to die before me, then I could ride the tricycle. Lily: If I died, I'd just come back and haunt your pen1s. Ted: Guys, come on, help me out. What do I do? Barney: All right, Ted, if you're about to go for the belt, then the bylaws require me to ask the following questions. One, is the aggregate age of all the participants under 83? Ted: Yes. Barney: Two, is the aggregate weight of all participants under 400 pounds. Ted: Yes. Barney: Theodore Mosby, are you paying these women? Ted: What? No. Barney: Ted? Ted: No. Look, I gotta go. They're gonna think I inherited my dad's imaginary bathroom issues. (Ted hangs up_ INT. MACLAREN'S (Ted walks in from restroom, Trudy and Rachel are walking towards front door) Ted: Oh, are you guys leaving? Rachel: Well, it is getting pretty late. Ted: Right, well... Trudy: I thought maybe we could all go and listen to that Wilco CD you talked about before. Ted: Great, I have it right upstairs. It's in my apartment upstairs. Let's so upstairs. Rachel: I'm sorry, where was your apartment again? Ted: That's funny. I love that. You should tell more jokes at my apartment upstairs. (Rachel and Trudy walk toward front door, Ted walks behind them while he texts from his cell phone) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. APARTMENT (Marshall and Lily talking in living room) Marshall: Scenario number 12. We're in a horrific car crash, you die, I'm left paralyzed. Two sexy nurses with a six-pack of wine coolers sneak into my room late at night. I try to blink at them in morse code, "Please, don't, I love my dead wife," but they're medical professionals and I gotta think somehow they're saving my life. Lily: Fine, sleep with your nurses. Tonight you ride the unicycle. Marshall: I already did this morning. (Lily's phone rings, she answers) Lily: Hello. (Robin on phone) Robin: Lily, I have pounded three cappuccinos waiting for you. Pretty soon I won't have to shave, the hair is going to vibrate off my legs. (Lily on phone) Lily: Sorry, I can't leave now. (Robin on phone) Robin: Lily, he can't see my legs like this. I look like a Turkish lesbian (Lily hangs up) INT. RESTAURANT (Robin hangs up phone, waitress comes over to her table) Robin: There is a pharmacy across the street. Would 20 bucks buy me a razor? Waitress: No, but fifty will. INT. APARTMENT (Lily, Marshall and Barney in living room, Barney's phone beeps) Barney: Oh, hold on. Ted's texting me. (reading text) We're combing upsars. Marshall: We're combing upsars? What does that mean? Lily: He's coming upstairs! (Lily, Marshall and Barney scramble around the living room; Ted, Rachel and Trudy walk up the hallway towards his apartment, Ted drops his keys) Marshall: Where are my pants? Where's my pants! (Ted picks up his keys) Ted: Got 'em. (Ted, Rachel and Trudy walk through front door) Rachel: Ooh, nice place! (Rachel notices Marshall and Lily's wedding photo and picks it up) Rachel: Hey, are these your roommates? Ted: Yes, yes, but they are not here. They are somewhere else. We have total privacy because privacy is essential when you're listening to music. Rachel: You know what else is essential when you're listening to music? Music. Ted: That's hilarious. You are hilarious. I'll go get it in my bedroom. The CD's in my bedroom. Bedroom. Rachel: OK, we'll try and stay out of trouble. Trudy: Of course we can't promise anything. (Rachel and Trudy laugh, they sit on the couch) Ted: This is gonna be awesome. (Ted walks into his bedroom with Rachel and Trudy's coats, Ted sees Lily, Marshall and Barney in his room) Ted: No! (back from commercial break) Ted: What are you guys doing here? I've got, I've got... Lily: We know, we know, Ted. Well done, this is very impressive. Up top. (Lily and Ted high-five) Marshall: Yeah bro, up top. (Marshall puts his hand up) Lily: Oh, don't be gross. (Lily puts Marshall's hand down) Ted: You guys need to get out of here right now. Please, take the fire escape. Marshall: No, no way. The other day I saw a pigeon take a crap on it and the whole thing shifted. Lily: Oh, you can use our bedroom. Ted: OK, all I need to seal the deal is the Wilco CD...Barney. (Barney picks up CD from Ted's bedside table and snaps it in half) Ted: What are you doing? Barney: I cannot allow Ted to do this. Ted: Why, why? Barney: Because the belt is my birthright. You can't claim it before I do. That would be like Jimmy Olsen capturing Lex Luther while Superman watches impotently from the bedroom. Marshall: But Barney, you've done way dirtier stuff than Ted. You're disgusting. Barney: I've never ridden the tricycle. I was on the verge last year, it was so close. (flashback to Barney sitting in a living room with two girls) Barney: So, ladies, why don't we move this party to a more horizontal location? (Barney leans closer to Blonde Girl and accidentally knocks over wine glass and spills red wine on white carpet) Blonde Girl: Oh my God. My new carpet. Oh my God, this is a disaster, You get the carpet cleaner, I'll get a towel. Brunette Girl: OK. (Blonde Girl and Brunette Girl get up) Barney: I'll get the video camera. Blonde Girl: Get out! Barney: OK then. (back to present scene) Ted: Let me get this straight. You're gonna trike block me? That is so petty. It's like you're... Marshall: Tom Petty. Ted: Tom Petty. You're Tom Petty. (Ted turns around and sees his door open and Lily not in his room anymore) Ted: Where's Lily? (Ted walks out of his room to find Lily standing, looking at girls on couch, Ted pushes her into his room) Ted: Still looking for that CD, so... (Ted goes back into his room) Ted: What are you doing? Lily: I knew it. I had a hunch about that girl and I was right. (flashback to Lily at shoe sale fighting over boot) Lily: I saw it first. (Lily's grasp of boot slips and she falls) Lily: You just made the list, bitch. (camera shows Rachel holding boot Lily just fought over) (back to present scene) Lily: I cannot give up my bedroom to a boot thief. She should be punished, not rewarded. Ted: Fine, then I'll try to work in a little light spanking. Just do this for me. Lily: No, never. (Lily turns away from Ted and crosses her arms) Ted: What if I reimburse you for the boots, full retail? (Lily turns back to Ted with her hand out) Lily: Thanks, enjoy our bedroom. (Ted gets money out and gives it to Lily) Ted: OK, take it. (Lily takes money) Ted: Wish me luck. (Ted checks out his hair in the mirror, steps towards the door, steps back to mirror and touches up his hair again, steps towards the door, steps back to mirror and continues to touch up his hair Barney: Oh my God. (Ted heads out his door) INT. RESTAURANT (Waitress stands at Robin's table, Robin looks through brown paper bag) Robin: Where's the shaving cream? Waitress: Well, you didn't ask me for shaving cream. Robin: Well, it was implied. Who buys a razor without buying shaving cream? Waitress: Well, who doesn't shave their legs for her date? Robin: Well, who's not getting a tip because of her attitude? Waitress: Well, here's a little tip for you. Shave your legs before you leave the house, Sasquatch. Robin's date: Hey Robin, the valet's brought the car around. I thought we'd go back to my place. You in the mood for a night cap? Robin: Absolutely. I just have to go to the ladies room. I've got TB...tiny bladder. I'll meet you out front? Robin's date: Yeah. (Robin walks into the ladies room, puts her purse down on the sink counter and takes out the razor from her bag, Robin props her right foot on the counter and unzips her boot, grabs the soap and pumps it but no soap comes out) Robin: You've gotta be kidding me. (Robin walks out into the restaurant with her right boot still down, grabs the butter from the nearest table) Robin: Excuse me. (Robin heads back to the ladies room with the butter, props right foot back up on the counter, rubs butter over her right leg and begins to shave, slips and falls backwards) INT. APARTMENT (Ted walks back into the living room) Ted: So, I'm having a little trouble finding the CD. Rachel: That's OK, we don't need music to have fun. (Rachel seats Ted down between herself and Trudy) Ted: Exactly. Trudy: You do like to have fun, don't you Ted? (Ted smiles at Trudy, image of belt shows up over his forehead while Ted starts to look nervous and sweaty) Ted: It's getting late, I'll get your coats. (Ted gets up while Trudy and Rachel look surprised) INT. TED'S BEDROOM (Ted enters his room) Lily: I'll get your coats? Ted: I don't know why I said that. Why did I say that? It's the opposite of what I meant. I wanna take clothes off them, not put more on. Marshall: Ted, you're ruining this for everyone. Barney: Leave him alone! Sometimes even the greatest warriors shoot themselves in the foot. Lily: What are you talking about? Barney: If you must know, it wasn't a freak beverage malfunction that stopped me from riding the tricycle that night. (flashback to Barney sitting on the ground of a living with two girls) Blonde Girl: So, Barney, why don't we take this party to a more horizontal location? (Barney looks at both girls, image of belt flashes across his eyes, Barney looks nervous and sweaty, Barney purposely knocks over wine glass and spills red wine over white carpet) Barney: Oh no, the night's ruined! Brunette Girl: No, baby, it's not. Barney: Yes it is. Whatever this night was heading towards is ruined. Where's my coat? (Barney hurriedly gets up) (back to present scene) Marshall: Why would you do that to yourself? Barney: Because you get up in your head, man. Start thinking, I can't do this. It's two women. That's two of everything, four of some things. The logistics alone are enough to cripple even a pro like me. Ted: See? If a complete degenerate like Barney choked, what chance do I have? Barney: The best chance in the world. Fear took the belt from me. Fear rode the tricycle that night, my friends. But fear will not get a second turn. Ted: It won't? Barney: No, because I now realize it isn't my destiny to win the belt. It is my destiny to help my friend win it. Ted is fated to go there first. He is our Neil Armstrong. (laughs) Space-suit-up, Ted, 'cause you're going to the moon. Step 1. (fantasy scenario, Ted walks into living room in dressing gown) Ted: Ladies, couldn't find your coats but I did find tequila. Trudy, Rachel: Oh! (Ted turns on fireplace with a remote control) (Fantasy Scenario Ted talks to camera) Ted: Wait, wait wait, a remote control fire place? We don't have a remote control fire place. (back to present scene) Barney: Right, that's my apartment. Dressing gown's mine too. Damn, this should be me. Anyway, continue. (Fantasy scenario, Trudy, Ted and Rachel dancing in living room then plop down on the couch) Rachel: I am so exhausted. Trudy: So exhausted. (Fantasy Scenario Ted talks to camera) Ted: Why would I want to tire them out? (back to present scene in Ted's room) Barney: That's your excuse to unleash pretext for physical contact number one. (Fantasy scenario continues, Rachel reclining in couch) Rachel: You give the most amazing foot massage. Ted: It's 'cause I used to practice all the time on my grandmother. (Fantasy Scenario Ted talks to camera) Ted: Why in God's name would I say that? (back to present scene in Ted's room) Barney: It's endearing, you're a caregiver. Never take family values out of the equation. Step three. (Fantasy scenario continues, Ted is massaging Rachel's feet, Trudy is holding grapes) Trudy: Ted, what's wrong? Ted: I was just thinking about this documentary I saw once about something called a supervolcano. (Fantasy Scenario Ted talks to camera) Ted: OK, what the hell. (back to present scene in Ted's room) Barney: OK, wait for it. (Fantasy scenario continues) Ted: Could happen at any time and obliterate all life on earth, which is why I live by three simple words. Don't postpone joy. Rachel: Oh my God. Trucy: That's so true. Ted: Yeah. (back to present scene in Ted's room) Ted: Mortality angle, that's actually pretty good. I can do this. Barney: Yes you can. Lily: I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I'm actually moved. Bring it in, guys. (Barney, Ted, Marshall and Lily group-hug) Ted: All right. (Ted walks over to his door, grabs doorknob, stops and turns back) Ted: I'll see you on the other side. (Ted leaves his bedroom) INT. APARTMENT (Ted walks into the living room area to find it empty, Ted hears giggling coming from Marshall and Lily's bedroom, Ted walks over to their bedroom and opens the door, Ted smiles) INT. MACLAREN'S (Lily, Barney, Ted and Marshall sitting at booth) Barney: So, what happened next? Did you do it? Ted: Doesn't seem right to talk about it. Barney: What? No! Tell me. Don't tell me because you don't have to because you didn't do it. (Ted shrugs) Barney: You didn't do it. You did it. You did it, didn't you? Did you? (Ted shrugs) Barney: You didn't do it. Yes, you did. You did. No, you... Just tell me! Ted: Some stories you tell, some stories you don't. Barney: Because you didn't do it. He didn't do it. You did it, you did it, you did it. Tell me, did you? (Ted doesn't answer) Barney: Ted, belt. (Barney lifts up belt) Barney: Did you? Did you? Or didn't you? (Ted doesn't answer) Barney: Did? Tell me. You know if he did it? INT. RESTAURANT (Robin's date stands outside the door of the ladies room, Waitress walks by) Robin's date: Oh hey. Will you go in there and see if my date's OK? Waitress: No problem. (Waitress opens door and peeks in, sees Robin lying on floor and smiles, closes door) Waitress: No, nobody's in there, but the window's actually open. Robins' date: I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. I mean, she was acting weird all night, right? Waitress: Yeah. You know... (Waitress laughs, flips her hair and touches his arm) Waitress: Why don't I buy you a drink? Robin's date: OK. (Robin's date and Waitress walk away from the ladies room door) Waitress: Did I overhear that you're a surgeon? Robin's date: Guilty as charged. (Waitress laughs) Waitress: You're so funny. (Robin runs out of ladies room) Robin: I'm here, I'm fine, my head is bleeding. Going down again. (Robin falls down)	Plan: A: two beautiful women; Q: Who shows that they are both very attracted to Ted? A: his place; Q: Where do Ted's two beautiful women take the party? A: the gang; Q: Who helps Ted realize that bad luck doesn't always come in threes? Summary: When two beautiful women show that they are both very attracted to Ted, they take the party to his place, where the gang helps Ted realize that bad luck doesn't always come in threes.
SHADA PART THREE by DOUGLAS ADAMS would have been transmitted - 2nd February 1980 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. ALLEY (The sphere pursues the DOCTOR down the street. It knocks a passer-by over, spilling groceries over the sidewalk. It pauses at the sign when it finds the bicycle, makes beeping sounds to itself, and then heads after the DOCTOR down the passageway. The DOCTOR has depressingly realised that the alley he's taken ends in a wire mesh gate. There are doors to the buildings on either side which he tries to open without success. The sphere passes the end of the alley, turns back, and then heads for the DOCTOR's head. The DOCTOR sees it coming and tries desperately to climb the wire mesh gate, but finds that his boots' tips are too large to fit inside the mesh for footholds. The sphere floats above him and begins to descend towards his forehead... Frantically, the DOCTOR jumps down off the fence and tries to squeeze under them, but gets stuck halfway through... the sphere floats closer, and reaches the DOCTOR's head... The DOCTOR's eyes grow wide in fear... and then suddenly the grating industrial wheeze of the TARDIS is heard, and the battered Police Box materialises in the alley almost on top of the DOCTOR. The sphere seems disoriented, and in fact it retreats completely from the DOCTOR. ROMANA's head pokes its way out of the TARDIS, looking up and watching the departing sphere.) ROMANA: DOCTOR! DOCTOR: Yes? ROMANA: Shhh...Hurry. DOCTOR: Coming (...and the DOCTOR gets up off the ground and leaps into the TARDIS. It rapidly dematerialises, with the end of the DOCTOR's scarf sticking out of the door. ) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM (NOT MADE) (The DOCTOR is taking a breather by the doors whilst the time rotor is rising and falling. K-9 is here.) DOCTOR: Romana, thank you, thank you very much, thank you so much... (He runs, understandably out of steam.) K-9, you took your time. ROMANA: It was K-9 who traced you. He picked up that voice babble. DOCTOR: (brushing this aside) Romana, we've got to get the book back. ROMANA: I thought that's where... DOCTOR: I dropped it. ROMANA: Dropped it! DOCTOR: (fiercely) Yes, dropped it! What was that thing chasing me! K-9: Unidentified, Master. Origin unknown. ROMANA: All we know is it attacked the Professor... DOCTOR: The Professor ... how is he? (ROMANA can't reply for a moment.) How is he? K-9: The Professor's life is terminated, Master. DOCTOR: (horror-struck) Dead! ROMANA: We think that thing stole his mind. The sphere. DOCTOR: When did this happen? ROMANA: Just when... DOCTOR: I thought you were meant to be looking after him. ROMANA: I had just gone back into the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Why? ROMANA: (braving it) I had just gone back into the TARDIS for some milk. DOCTOR: For some milk. ROMANA: Yes. DOCTOR: I see. ROMANA: Well otherwise he was... going out to get some himself. DOCTOR: You needn't explain. (The DOCTOR takes over the TARDIS controls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. CHRIS'S LAB (NOT MADE) (CLARE is sitting on a chair. She has fallen asleep over a bench. The teletext attached to the X-ray machine suddenly chatters into life again. It disturbs her sleep, but doesn't wake her up.) [TOM - over the sphere hovering off into the distance.] TOM: Romana explained that K-9 had traced the sphere after it had attacked the Professor. I decided to receive the book. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. PROFESSOR'S ROOM (CHRIS watches the Professor worriedly and moves to close his eyes. As he bends over to close them, his hand passes straight through the PROFESSOR's body and the body completely vanishes.) CHRIS: Professor! (...but it's the DOCTOR he gets instead as back in the corner of the room the TARDIS materialises. The DOCTOR, ROMANA, and K-9 disembark.) DOCTOR: Who are you? CHRIS: Chris Parsons, Bristol, Gramson, and Johns. DOCTOR: Never heard of you. You're the one causing all the trouble. CHRIS: Me?! Where's the Book? DOCTOR: Where's the Professor? CHRIS: Well, I just, just, just... DOCTOR: Just what? CHRIS: Well, I just don't know. His body just disappeared into thin air. DOCTOR: Where was the body? CHRIS: There. (He shows the DOCTOR the exact spot on the floor where it disappeared.) It disappeared just before you arrived. DOCTOR: Here? CHRIS: Yes. (The DOCTOR examines the area and then looks up suddenly:) DOCTOR: He's gone! He must have been on his very last regeneration. (stands up) Did you say that someone had stolen his mind. ROMANA: Yes. DOCTOR: Yes. That's what Skagra threatened to do to me. (ROMANA and CHRIS pipe up upon hearing that name.) ROMANA & CHRIS: Skagra! DOCTOR: You know the name? CHRIS: Just before the Professor died, he said three things, "Beware the sphere, Beware Skagra..." ROMANA: ...and "Beware Shada". DOCTOR: (reacts like he knows that name.) Shada! ROMANA: Do you know the name? DOCTOR: Shada, Shada? No, (to CHRIS) You? CHRIS: Doesn't mean anything to me. DOCTOR: (to himself) Well Mr. Skagra, or whatever it is you call yourself, you've killed a Time Lord and a very good friend of mine. It's time you and I had a little chat! K-9! K-9: Master? DOCTOR: Can you find any trace of that sphere? K-9: Affirmative, Master, but it is far far too weak to take a bearing. DOCTOR: We'll have to wait till it becomes active again. Now listen, K-9, the moment the signal becomes clear... K-9: Affirmative, Master. DOCTOR: Right. (to the others) We'll wait in the TARDIS. ROMANA: Excellent thought. (the two Time Lords walk off towards the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Come on, you too, Bristol. (CHRIS follows them inside followed by K-9.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. RIVER CAM (On the outskirts of Cambridge, near the field where the ship is parked, a man is fishing on the banks of the Cam. He throws his line in and waits for the fish to bite. However he gets bitten himself by the angry sphere, who decides to catch him. He casts another line until suddenly the sphere floats right next to him. He looks and stares at it in surprise, until it attaches itself to his forehead. His eyes and forehead crinkle as his mind is drained. He suddenly pitches forward and lands face-down and unmoving in the water, while the sphere floats off into the air and on a more determined course.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. CHRIS'S LAB (NOT MADE) (Light is pouring in the window and CLARE is still asleep over the table. The teletext machine chatters again and this time it causes CLARE to wake with a start. She reacts to the light outside and looks at her watch and is startled at the time.) CLARE: Chris? Chris? Are you there? (She looks at her watch again and shakes it. Then she goes to look at the readout. She tears it off and stares at it in surprise.) Where's has he got to? (She takes down a university directory from a shelf. She looks up an entry.) Charlton, Charlton, Chester, Christie, Chronotis. (She writes down the address and leaves.) [TOM - over the sphere hovering off.] TOM: Clare was woken from a deep sleep by the teleprinter. She tears off the text and rushed out. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM (NOT MADE) (The DOCTOR, ROMANA and CHRIS are sitting round in various attitudes of sleeping.) K-9: (suddenly alert) Master! DOCTOR: (Waking with a start) Have you got something, K-9? K-9: Affirmative, Master. the sphere is active. 5.7 miles at bearing 4.378. Velocity 15.3. DOCTOR: Good dog. (The DOCTOR prepares to dematerialise.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. CORRIDOR (Outside the Professor's rooms, CLARE arrives and knocks at the door, receiving no reply.) CLARE: Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] 9. PROFESSOR'S ROOM [TOM - over the TARDIS dematerialising.] TOM: As I prepared to dematerialise, K-9 detected the sphere's activity. (CLARE enters the room - just too late to see the TARDIS leaving.) CLARE: Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] 10. FIELD (The sphere floats by the car SKAGRA stole and into the deserted field beyond. Further across the same field the TARDIS materialises. Emerging quietly, but quickly, the DOCTOR and the others are just in time to see the sphere disappear as it enters the invisible ship.) DOCTOR: Did you just see what I didn't see? ROMANA: No. DOCTOR: Neither did I. CHRIS: It just vanished. DOCTOR: That's what I said. (pointing to a deposit a cow had left.) Watch that cow pat. (The DOCTOR and CHRIS walk off while ROMANA keeps the door open for K-9.) ROMANA: Come on, K-9 [SCENE_BREAK] 11. SHIP (NOT MADE) (The sphere has returned to SKAGRA (who is back in his white suit) in the ship. SKAGRA ceases his study of the Book.) SKAGRA: Report. (The sphere obediently settles onto the playback cone and shows him on a screen the scene of the DOCTOR escaping into the TARDIS. SKAGRA is visibly annoyed by this.) Continue. (to SHIP.) What is that machine? (The picture resolves into computer graphics of the TARDIS exterior.) SHIP: My lord, it displays characteristics of a Gallifreyan time capsule, Type 39, possibly Type 40. SKAGRA: Present whereabouts? SHIP: In close proximity my lord. Intruders are approaching the ship. SKAGRA: Show me! (On the screen we see a close up of the DOCTOR and Co approaching the ship purposefully [Over this - TOM.]) TOM: The sphere reported to Skagra that I had escaped and was approaching the ship. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. FIELD (The DOCTOR steps straight into the invisible side of the ship and stops painfully, rubbing his nose.) DOCTOR: Oof! Don't move. (He feels the invisible wall as though pantomiming. CHRIS looks at ROMANA, who gives him a friendly smile.) K-9, there's something here. K-9: Affirmative Master! DOCTOR: Then why didn't you tell me, you stupid animal? K-9: I assumed you could see it, Master. ROMANA: What is it, K-9? K-9: A spacecraft, Mistress, of very advanced design. Many of its functions are beyond my capacity to analyse. (All three feel the strange craft - it looks like all three are feeling thin air.) CHRIS: If I built something that clever I'll want people to see it. DOCTOR: Shhh. K-9, what's it powered by? K-9: Insufficient data. DOCTOR: Aren't we all? Where could it come from? K-9: Insufficient data. ROMANA: What does it look like? K-9: Very large. CHRIS: How large? K-9: One hundred meters long. DOCTOR: (impressed and looking about) That should keep the cows guessing. There must be an entrance. CHRIS: (spots something) What's that carpet doing there? (the DOCTOR spots the carpet) DOCTOR: What's that carpet doing here? (He is looking in the direction of a red carpet that is laying on the grass in front of the ramp to SKAGRA's ship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. SHIP (NOT MADE) (SKAGRA is watching them on his screen.) SKAGRA: Admit them. SHIP: My lord. TOM: Skagra ordered the ship to allow us to enter. [SCENE_BREAK] 14. FIELD (We hear a door opening.) K-9: A door is opening, Master DOCTOR: Affirmative, K9, Affirmative, (ROMANA and CHRIS join him at the foot of the ramp and then follow him as he walks up the invisible ramp into the ship. K-9 lags behind until the DOCTOR waggles his leg.) Come on, K-9, heel. ROMANA: Affirmative Master. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. SHIP, ENTRANCE (NOT MADE) (They find themselves inside a hexagonally shaped corridor whose walls pulsate with a very bright light.) CHRIS: Better than an old police box. DOCTOR: Shhh. K-9, any sign of that deranged billiard ball? K-9: Master? DOCTOR: The gaggleback, the beastly. K-9: Master? DOCTOR: The sphere! K-9: All signal sources are confused, Master. DOCTOR: Romana, I'd feel happier if you three went outside again. No point us all walking into the spider's web. ROMANA: No Doctor, I'll stay, you might need help. DOCTOR: I... (Suddenly a cube of light engulfs all of his companions and they disappear.) Romana! (He searches round for traces of them. As he turns to face up the corridor again SKAGRA is there.) SKAGRA: They will not be harmed, Doctor, For the moment. DOCTOR: I'm not very impressed by the party tricks, Skagra. This is your name, isn't it? SKAGRA: These party tricks, Doctor, are purely functional, their purpose precisely defined, as is mine. DOCTOR: Where have you taken my companions? SKAGRA: Come with me, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. PROFESSOR'S ROOM (CLARE is looking about the PROFESSOR's rooms urgently.) CLARE: Chris? Chris Parsons? Professor Chronotis? (She finds CHRIS' backpack on the floor and only then realises that many books are scattered on the floor.) Chris? (She can tell something has happened and becomes frightened. She hurries out nervously.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. SHIP, CORRIDOR (NOT MADE) (SKAGRA enters followed by the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Skagra, what have you done with the Professor's mind. SKAGRA: It will be put to a more useful purpose. DOCTOR: I would argue that it was serving a very useful purpose where it was. SKAGRA: Not to me. DOCTOR: You realise he had died? SKAGRA: Only his mind was of use to me. Not his life. DOCTOR: You take a very proprietorial attitude to other people's brains. SKAGRA: It seems to me that Time Lords take a very proprietorial view of the Universe. DOCTOR: Just exactly who are you, Skagra? SKAGRA: That knowledge will be of no use to you. DOCTOR: Then I think you may as well tell me. SKAGRA: And I think I may as well not. We have more important matters to discuss. TOM: Finding no sign of the sphere, I suspected a trap. Suddenly, a cube of light surrounded Romana, Chris and K9 and they disappeared. Skagra revealed himself to me and took me deeper into the ship assuring me that my companions would come to no harm. I chided him on the death of the Professor but Skagra revealed that he was only interested in the old man's mind. [SCENE_BREAK] 18. SHIP, MAIN CONTROL (NOT MADE) (SKAGRA enters followed by the DOCTOR. SKAGRA picks up the book. He weighs it thoughtfully in his hand.) SKAGRA: This book, Doctor... DOCTOR: Which book, this book? (He takes it and looks at a couple of pages.) I've read it. It's rubbish. (He hands it back. SKAGRA gives it back to the DOCTOR.) SKAGRA: Then perhaps you would read it to me? DOCTOR: I have a very boring reading voice. By the time I'd got to the bottom of the first page you'd be asleep, I'd escape, and then where would you be? SKAGRA: Read it to me. DOCTOR: I presume you can't read Gallifreyan then? SKAGRA: Like a native. Read it to me, Doctor. DOCTOR: Alright. Are you standing comfortably? SKAGRA: I am. DOCTOR: Then I'll sit down. (As he does so, he notices the sphere next to him.) "Grrr vdd thrrr hurburgh dud dududud vvvlllll" I'm paraphrasing, of course. SKAGRA: (warningly) Doctor... DOCTOR: Shh, this is a good bit ... "jjjjjdddrrr gr gr gr hummmmm..." (Suddenly a look of mock worry comes over his face. He hunts through the book.) Skagra, do you realise this book doesn't make one bit of sense? SKAGRA: Doctor, a fool would realise it was written in code. (The DOCTOR stares at it.) DOCTOR: Skagra! SKAGRA: What? DOCTOR: This thing's written in code! How am I doing? SKAGRA: I believe you know the code. DOCTOR: Who, me? SKAGRA: Yes. DOCTOR: Oh no no. I'm afraid I'm very stupid. Very stupid. I am very very stupid. SKAGRA: Doctor, I believe you as a Time Lord know this code, and you will give that knowledge to me! DOCTOR: There's no point in giving me orders, I'm very very stupid. SKAGRA: That is not an order. DOCTOR: No? SKAGRA: It is a statement of fact. DOCTOR: Ah, how stupid of me. (SKAGRA makes a gesture. The sphere rises and approaches the DOCTOR.) SKAGRA: You will give me that knowledge because you have no choice. DOCTOR: Ah well, I don't know about that. I don't know about anything, in fact. I'm an appallingly stupid person. SKAGRA: That, Doctor, will soon be very true. (The sphere attaches itself to the DOCTOR's forehead. With a long cry of pain he collapses in his seat.) [TOM - over the inside of the book.] TOM: And in the ship's control room, I was shown the book by Skagra who attempted to force me to reveal the code in which the book has been written. Of course, I refused. But I kept asserting my own stupidity. Responding to Skagra's gesture, the sphere attached itself to my head and I let out an agonising cry as I fell back in my set. [SCENE_BREAK] 19. SHIP, BRIG (Somewhere else in the ship, ROMANA, CHRIS, and K9 are captives within a totally featureless room with no door. Chris completes his circuit of the small room.) CHRIS: There's no door. We must have got here by some form of matter transference ROMANA: (a little sarcastically) Very clever. CHRIS: Oh, I suppose you do this sort of thing all the time. ROMANA: (smiling) Yes, actually. (She then bends down next to K-9) K-9, can you pick up any trace of the Doctor? (K-9's ears rotate weakly) K-9: Negative, Mistress. Every signal is shielded. (ROMANA begins tinkering with some of K-9's circuits.) CHRIS: I was meant to be delivering a paper to the Astronomical Society tonight. ROMANA: (concealing her disinterest badly.) Oh yes? (to K-9.) Anything now? (K-9's ears rotate.) K-9: Negative, Mistress. CHRIS: Finally disproves the possibility of life on other planets. ROMANA: Oh yes? CHRIS: Well, I can deliver it next month. ROMANA: (to K-9) Now try. (K-9's ears rotate.) CHRIS: Means a complete re-write through. K-9: Triple negative, Mistress. CHRIS: (feeling the walls) Curious substance this wall. ROMANA: (who's frustration boils over at the situation.) Oh, blast it! K-9: Please duck. (K9 immediately extends his nose laser and shoots a beam at the wall. It ricochets and nearly hits ROMANA and CHRIS, who rapidly duck and throw themselves at the floor.) Apologies, Mistress. ROMANA: Not at all, it was a good try K-9. (Suddenly K-9's ears twist as normal) K-9: Mistress, I am picking up faint signals. (Both CHRIS and ROMANA kneel by the dog.) ROMANA: What is it?! Can you let us hear it? K-9: Affirmative Mistress. (He puts it on his speakers and the sound of the sphere's babble can be heard, though this time slightly different, with a deeper voice mixed in with the babble.) CHRIS: Sounds different this time. K-9: Affirmative. A new voice has been added. It is the Doctor! (CHRIS and ROMANA look at each other in shock.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. ST. CEDD COLLEGE (CLARE is running from the PROFESSOR's rooms. She is fumbling with some notes and a bag and not watching where she is going when she runs straight into the porter, WILKEN.) WILKIN: Oof! Mind where you're going. CLARE: You don't know where Professor Chronotis has gone, do you? WILKIN: Now now, calm down. Isn't he in his room? CLARE: No, I've just come from there. WILKIN: That's funny. He hasn't come out this way. If you want to leave a message I'll see he gets it. CLARE: It's terribly urgent. A book a friend of mine was taking to him, look, I think it's very dangerous. WILKIN: Well what I say is people shouldn't write things if they don't want people to read them. CLARE: No, you don't understand. It's the book itself. It seems to be absorbing radioactivity. I think it's very very dangerous. WILKIN: A book's doing that?! CLARE: Yes. We must find the Professor. WILKIN: All right, Miss. I tell you what, you go back to his room and I'll ring around the College and see where he's got to. CLARE: Yes.. But it's... (looks apprehensively the way she had come.) All right, I go back. (She then proceeds to do. ) WILKIN: I don't know, nowadays they'll publish anything. [SCENE_BREAK] 21. SHIP, CONTROL ROOM (NOT MADE) (In the control room, the DOCTOR is slumped in the chair, apparently dead, and now alone as SKAGRA has gone.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. SHIP, BRIG ROMANA: Are you positive, K-9? Absolutely negative? K-9: Affirmative, No signals on any frequency, Mistress. (ROMANA sighs and stands.) ROMANA: I wish I could get out of here. (Suddenly the cube of light reappears and ROMANA disappears as the cube also does. CHRIS turns in surprise.) CHRIS: That's it! K-9: Please explain. CHRIS: That's what you have to say! I wish we can get out of here. (nothing happens.) I wish we could get out of here! (Nothing happens again. He gets up and disgustedly hits the wall.) I wish I could get out of here! Oh blast it! (K-9's nose laser begins to take aim again until CHRIS tells him hurriedly.) No, no K9. Good dog. (K-9's laser retracts.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23. SHIP, CORRIDOR (NOT MADE) (ROMANA materialises in the block of light. She stumbles and spins round. SKAGRA is standing there - with the carpet bag.) ROMANA: What have you done to the Doctor? SKAGRA: Nothing you would like to hear about. ROMANA: Let me see him! SKAGRA: You would not enjoy it. I have taken his mind. Come! (With an iron grip he takes hold of her arm and moves her down the corridor towards the exit.) ROMANA: Let go of me! Who are you? What do you want? SKAGRA: I want many things. At the moment I want you to stop struggling. Come! (He pushes her forward.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. FIELD (The invisible door opens and SKAGRA forces ROMANA down the invisible ramp. She struggles.) ROMANA: Where are you taking me? (No reply) Where are you taking me? SKAGRA: Quiet! Or I shall use the sphere on you as well. (The sphere drifts down the ramp after them, and the door is heard to close.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. SHIP, CONTROL ROOM (NOT MADE) (The DOCTOR, still stumped.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26. SHIP, BRIG CHRIS: How did she get out and not me? (K-9's ears turn as he computes and he concludes:) K-9: Insufficient data. (This was getting a little too much for CHRIS.) CHRIS: (angrily) Insufficient data, Insufficient data! Why did I get myself involved in this? (K-9 computes again and concludes again:) K-9: Insufficient data. (CHRIS sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27. FIELD (SKAGRA and ROMANA are now nearing the edge of the field, approaching the TARDIS. ) ROMANA: (feigning ignorance of their destination.) Where are you taking me? SKAGRA: Your travelling capsule. (They stop outside the TARDIS door.) ROMANA: If you think I'm going to open the door, you're going to be extremely disappointed. SKAGRA: It's just as well I have the Doctor's key. (He takes the mentioned key, inserts it into the TARDIS lock and opens the door. He forces ROMANA inside and follows her in. The sphere also floats in behind them. The door closes, leaving the key in the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM (NOT MADE) (SKAGRA doesn't look amazed at the big room but walks straight to the console.) SKAGRA: No doubt you also refuse to operate the capsule for me. ROMANA: Of course. And no one can operate it other than the Doctor or myself, so bad luck. SKAGRA: If the Doctor can operate it, then so can I. (He has the sphere land on top of the console and with one hand on the sphere he begins to operate the TARDIS controls with the other hand. ROMANA tries to stop him but Skagra forces her roughly to the side.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29. FIELD (The TARDIS dematerialises, leaving the field again apparently empty.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30. PROFESSOR'S ROOM (Inside the PROFESSOR's rooms, CLARE grows more impatient and starts to search the room. She looks in drawers, in benches, and in cupboards. On the mantlepiece she finds a large rusted key. She considers this for a moment and looks for what this key might be for. She finds a wooden cupboard on the right wall beneath a bookcase which she tries the key on. It opens, and inside she finds some punting gear, and behind that, some futuristic looking equipment that also looks somehow old-fashioned. She places her hand on the shelf above, and it swings around, proving to be a false shelf and revealing a golden coloured complex control panel, also futuristic and yet somehow old-fashioned. CLARE becomes intensely curious, and she presses a button. The curtains close and the room darkens. She looks around for any other effects and can see none. Lights on the console have come on now, and so she touches another switch. Suddenly there is a small explosion on the console that knocks her back against the desk, where she hits her head and knocks herself out. The entire room shakes violently and the air appears to shimmer as though with a tremendous amount of heat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31. ST. CEDD COLLEGE (WILKEN makes his way along the courtyard with a look of defeat on his face.) [Here the Video and the script go two different ways. The Video version contain spoilers for the following scenes therefore we will follow the script book version. You will see why on TOM's link.] [SCENE_BREAK] 32. CORRIDOR, ST. CEDD COLLEGE (WILKIN steps up to the PROFESSOR's door and knocks.) PROFESSOR: Miss? Are you in there Miss? (He hears no reply and opens the door expecting to find the young woman inside. His jaw drops and his eyes widen in amazement as he finds a blowing blue void beyond the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33. SHIP, MAIN CONTROL (NOT MADE) (The DOCTOR slowly stirs. He groggily stares around until his eyes focus. He picks up the ends of his scarf and twiddles with the tassels aimlessly. After a few moments he closes his eyes as though trying to find a thought. He lapses from concentration to mindlessness.) DOCTOR: (quietly) Very stupid, Very stupid! (A broad grin spreads across his face and he jumps to his feet with his memory restored.) (energetically) Ha! Very stupid. (He leaps to his feet, but regrets it. He is still very groggy. He shakes his head.) Skagra? SHIP: My Lord has departed. (The DOCTOR spins round.) DOCTOR: Who's that? SHIP: My Lord Skagra. (The DOCTOR wheels round again, unable to pinpoint the voice.) DOCTOR: No! Who's speaking? SHIP: The servant of Skagra. I am the ship. DOCTOR: The ship? A talking ship? SHIP: Correct. SKAGRA: Skagra must be hard up for friends. Will you tell me where my companions are? SHIP: I will not. You are an enemy of Skagra. Any orders you give me are hostile to my Lord. DOCTOR: Oh I don't mean any harm. SHIP: I do not understand why you are moving. DOCTOR: What? SHIP: (sounding puzzled.) You are dead. Your entire mind was to be seized into the sphere. DOCTOR: Ah, well, it wasn't, was it? The trick on these occasions is not to resist. I just let the thing believe I was very stupid, and it then didn't pull nearly hard enough. It got a copy of but left me with the original intact. Understand? SHIP: No, I do not. DOCTOR: No. Nor do I. Perhaps I really am stupid. [Here sounds a logical place to put the first of TOM's link - this takes place between WILKIN walking in the courtyard and arriving in the corridor on the video.] TOM: In the ship, I slowly came to. The ship wondered why I wasn't dead and I explained that I let the sphere believe I was stupid and so it didn't pull at my mind very hard. It had taken a copy of my mind but the original. (pointing at his head.) But the original was intact. [Carrying on...] (Suddenly a brain wave hits the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: No! I know. I am dead! And if I'm dead, then I'm an ex-enemy of Skagra's. Correct? SHIP: Correct. DOCTOR: (a little dangerously.) Then, if I'm dead, I cannot give orders that would be any kind of threat to Skagra. Correct?. .. SHIP: Correct. DOCTOR: Then, will you please release my companions? SHIP: They will be released. DOCTOR: Excellent! Thank you. (He smiles, until he notices a change in the atmosphere of the room. . .) It's getting very stuffy in here. SHIP: You are dead? DOCTOR: Yes! I thought we'd sorted that out. SHIP: I am programmed to conserve resources. Since there are no live beings in this area, I have shut down the oxygen supply. DOCTOR: What! (The DOCTOR begins gasping for breath, and he sinks to the floor. The last thing he hears while conscious is the voice of the Ship saying over and over:) SHIP: Dead men do not require oxygen! (The DOCTOR loses consciousness... and lies motionless...) TOM: With a fascinating display of illogic logic, I convinced the ship that I was dead in order to secure the release of my companions. The ship agreed, but shut down the oxygen supply. As I sank to the floor gasping for breath, the last thing I heard was the voice of the ship - "Dead men does not require oxygen!"	Plan: A: all six Parts; Q: What is the full summary of? A: six; Q: How many parts are in Shada? Summary: See Shada, Part One for the full summary of all six Parts.
(branch rips) (branch reattaches) Rarity: Hmm... Hah! (poof) Perfect. (branch rips, crashes to ground) Applejack: (spits) Just take the broken limbs down, Rarity. Don'tcha'll care 'bout nothin' more than prettifyin'? Rarity: (defensive) SOMEpony has to! You were making an absolute MESS of the town square, Applejack. Applejack: Yeah, well, the storm's gonna make an even bigger mess if we don't prune all these loose branches so they don't tumble down on anypony. Rarity: I simply CANNOT imagine why the pegasus ponies would schedule a dreadful downpour this evening and ruin what could've been a glorious sunny day. Applejack: (sighs) Think more practical-like, will ya? Applejack: (kicking tree) They accidentally skipped a scheduled sprinkle last week, so we need a doozy of a downpour to make up for it, is all. Rarity: (whining) Oh no! My wonderfully styled mane shall be ruined! Applejack: Ya shoulda hurried up and finished the job, already. Rarity: (yelping frantically) It's coming down too fast! (yelping) Help me! Applejack: Uh...there. Hunker down to your heart's content whilst I finish this. Rarity: (panting) Oh, no, no, no! Applejack: What now? Rarity: I prefer not to get my hooves muddy. Applejack: (scoffs) There is just no pleasin' ya, is there?! Everything's gotta be just so. Rarity: And how does muddying my hooves serve ANY useful purpose? Applejack: Y'all wouldn't know useful if it came up and bit'cha. Rarity: (laughs condescendingly) That doesn't even make any sense. Applejack: Does so. Rarity: Does not. Applejack: Does so. Rarity: Does not. Applejack: Does so. Rarity: Does not. Applejack: Does so INFINITY. Hah. Rarity: Does not infinity plus one. Hah. What say we go our separate ways before one of us says something she will regret? Applejack: I reckon Y'ALL are gonna say something YOU'LL regret first. Rarity: On the contrary. I believe it shall most certainly be you who says something you will regret first. (loud peal of thunder) Rarity: (trembling) Per-perhaps we should stick together for now and find some shelter. (wind whistling) Applejack: (uneasy) Uh-huh, perhaps we should. Sounds fair. (theme song begins) My Little Pony, My Little Pony, ah, ah, ah, ah, (My Little Pony) Twilight: I used to wonder what friendship could be (My Little Pony) Until you all shared its magic with me Rainbow Dash: Big adventure Pinkie Pie: Tons of fun Rarity: A beautiful heart Applejack: Faithful and strong Fluttershy: Sharing kindness Twilight: It's an easy feat All: And magic makes it all complete yeah (My Little Pony) Do you know you're all my very best friends (distant thunder) Applejack: Nice and dry under here...sorta. Rarity: Oh! Unacceptable. Twilight: (distant shouting) Applejack! Rarity! Twilight: (slightly louder) Applejack! Rarity! Applejack and Rarity: Twilight?! Twilight: Come inside, girls! Quick! Applejack: Whoa, Nelly. Is inside a tree really the best place to be during a lightning storm? Twilight: It is if you have a magical lightning rod protecting your home like I do. Come on in! Rarity: Hah! (graciously) We are most grateful for your invitation. Applejack: Thank ya kindly for your hospitality. Rarity: (patronizing) Uh, DO be a polite houseguest and wash up, please. Won't you? (Applejack grumbles) Applejack: (under breath) If I gotta stand one more second with that fussbudget Rarity today, I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do. Twilight: Some storm, huh? The pegasus ponies sure have outdone themselves this time. I hope you and Applejack don't have any trouble getting home. Rarity: (shifty) It may indeed be a problem... Twilight: Well, you're welcome to stay if need be. Spike is away in Canterlot on royal business. I'm home all alone tonight. (gasps) You and Applejack should TOTALLY sleep over! (clapping hooves) We'll have a slumber party! I've always wanted one of those! Rarity: (blink blink, stalling) Oh! Uh, goodness. Uh, I do believe I have another engagement scheduled for this evening that COMPLETELY slipped my mind until just now. (nervous laugh) Ah, silly me. I couldn't POSSIBLY stay here all night... (under breath) with Applejack. Rarity: (reading) "Slumber : All You've Ever Wanted to Know About Slumber Parties but Were Afraid to Ask." Twilight: (gushing) My OWN personal copy! It's a fantastic reference guide. You should see the Table of Contents! I've been waiting for a chance to use it. And TODAY'S the day! This is gonna be SO GREAT! Rarity: Yes...great... (nervous laughter) (water spraying, Applejack grumbling) Applejack: (gasps) What in tarnation?! (Rarity slaps mud on Twilight's face) Now, wait just a gol-darn minute. Ya make me wash the mud off my hooves, but it's okay for y'all to have mud all over your faces?! Rarity: Silly! This is called a mud MASK. It's to refresh and rejuvenate your complexion. Twilight: (squealing in delight) We're giving each other MAKEOVERS! (high-pitched laughter) We have to do it. It says so in the book. Applejack: (reading) "Slumber : Everything You-" (nervously) Oh, hey, wouldja look at the time! I gotta skedaddle on home quick. I'm powerful late for, uh...somethin'. Uh, g'night! (loud peal of thunder, Applejack yelps) ...Ooor, maybe I'll stay here for a spell. Twilight: (clapping hooves) Hooray, slumber party! (mud slaps face) (squish squish) (Applejack grunts) (Applejack gags) (cucumbers slap onto eyes) What in the world is this for?! Rarity: (exasperated sigh) To reduce the puffiness around one's eyes, of course. Applejack: Puffiness-shmuffiness! (licks off, chomps loudly, swallows) That's good eatin'! (Applejack chewing loudly) Twilight: Teehee! Isn't this exciting?! We'll do everything by the book, (clapping hooves) and that will make my slumber party officially fun! Rarity: (patronizing) Did you hear that, Applejack? YOU certainly would not want to do anything that would ruin Twilight's very first slumber party, WOULD YOU? Applejack: Of course not. 'N you wouldn't either, I reckon. Rarity: So do we have an agreement? Applejack: You betcha. (spits on hoof) Rarity: (disgusted) OH! GROSS! (haughty) You know, there's messy and there's just plain rude. Applejack: Y'know, there's fussy, and there's just plain gettin' on my nerves. Rarity: Fortunately, I can get along with anypony, no matter how difficult SHE may be. Applejack: Oh yeah?! Well...I'm the get-alongin'-est pony yer ever gonna meet! Rarity: (flatly) That's not even a word. Twilight: (gushing) This is gonna be the bestest slumber party ever! YAY! Applejack and Rarity: (unenthusiastic) Yay. (thunder) Rarity: (condescending) So, how are you "getting along" over there, Applejack? Applejack: (snarky) Jus' fine, Rarity. Twilight: This is SO awesome! (giggles) Makeovers, check. (magical poofs) Ooh! It says here we have to tell ghost stories! Who wants to go first?! Applejack: ME! I'd like to tell y'all the terrifyin' tale of the prissy ghost who drove everypony crazy with her unnecessary neatness. (making ghost noises) I'm sure Y'ALL are familiar with that one? Rarity: Never heard of it. But I have a MUCH better one. It's the horrifying story of the messy, (hyperbolic) INCONSIDERATE ghost who irritated everypony within a HUNDRED MILES! (making exaggerated ghost noises) Applejack: That's not a real story. You made it up. Rarity: It is a GHOST story. They're ALL made up. (thunder, ponies scream) Twilight: I've got one! This story is called...the Legend of the Headless Horse. (thunder) It was a dark and stormy night, much like this one, and three ponies were having a slumber party, just...like...this one. (thunder) Twilight: ...and just when the last pony thought she was safe, there, standing right behind her, just inches away was... THE HEADLESS HORSE! (thunder, Applejack and Rarity gasp and scream) Twilight: Ghost story, check. (singsong) Now, who wants s'mores? Rarity: ...then you place one marshmallow on the top of the chocolate and be sure it's centered - that's critical - and then carefully put another perfectly square graham cracker on the top. Aaand...done! Ta-da! (self-satisfied giggle) Twilight: Ooh! Applejack: Nah, ya just eat 'em! (chomp, loud chewing, lips smacking loudly) (loud belch) Rarity: (repulsed) You could at LEAST say, "Excuse me." Applejack: Aw, I was just about to, but you interrupted me. ...(insincere) Pardon. Twilight: S'mores? Check. Now, the next item of fun we have to do is Truth or Dare. Rarity: I dare Applejack to do something carefully and neatly for a change. Applejack: Oh yeah?! Well, I dare Rarity to lighten up and stop obsessin' over every. Last. Little. Detail...for a change. Rarity: I think the TRUTH of the matter is that somepony could stand to pay a little more attention to details. Applejack: And I think the truth is somepony oughta quit with her fussin' so the rest of us can get things done. Twilight: Um...I don't think this is how the game's supposed to work. (reading) "You have to give an honest answer to any question or do whatever anypony dares you to do." Applejack: I dares YOU to step outside and let your precious, tidy mane get ruined again. (Rarity gasps) Twilight: You HAVE to! It's the rules. Applejack: HAH! Rarity: FINE! (Rarity sobs, slams door) (Applejack snickers) (Applejack chuckles) Rarity: Okay, I dare Applejack to play dress-up in a fru fru, glittery, lacy outfit. (Applejack gasps) Applejack: (embarrassed) Happy?! Rarity: (curtly) Very. (giggles) Twilight: Um, do I ever get a turn? Applejack: I dare ya to enter the next rodeo when it comes to town. Rarity: I dare you NOT to enter the next rodeo that comes to town! Applejack: I dare ya to not comb yer mane a hundred times before bed. Rarity: And I dare you to comb yours just once! Twilight: I, uh, I think we should check off Truth or Dare and move on. Let's see what our next fun fun fun thing is, shall we? Hm, what does THIS mean? "Pillow fight?" Rarity: Oh, please. I am not at all interested in participating in something so crude. (Rarity grunts) Oh! It. Is. ON. (Rarity grunts) (pillow hits Applejack) (kicks pillows) (Rarity grunts repeatedly) (kicks pillows) (pillow whips through air) (magical humming, sound of bullets whizzing past) (pillows whiz past) Twilight: (oblivious) Oh, I get it! Pillow. Fight! Fun! (pillows impact, Twilight grunts) (dazed) Uh, girls? Maybe we should take it down a notch? Applejack: I will if she will! Rarity: She started it! Twilight: (spits) Maybe we should just call it a night and get some sleep? Rarity: Keep your muddy hooves on YOUR side of the bed! Applejack: My hooves ain't muddy! Rarity: They WERE. There might still be a little on them. Applejack: There ain't. See? Rarity: Ewww! Applejack: Now who's bein' inconsiderate?! Rarity: I have to make the bed again so the blanket will be right. Rarity: Get up! Applejack: Hey! (blanket ruffles) Rarity: (tut-tutting) You'll RUIN it! You have to do it like this. (grunting delicately) [SCENE_BREAK] (sighs) Applejack: Yeah...that's not gonna happen. GERONIMO! Rarity: HEY! (crash) (Applejack ahh's) Rarity: You did that on PURPOSE. Applejack: (sarcastic) Um. Yeah? Rarity: Get up so I can fix it again! Applejack: Can't hear ya! I'm asleep. (feigns snoring) (Rarity grunts) Applejack: I ain't budgin'. Rarity: (mouth full) Ru rill if ru rant any branket. Applejack: Give it back! Rarity: I will not! Applejack: Yes you will! Rarity: Won't! Applejack: Will! Rarity: Won't! Applejack: Will- Twilight: ENOUGH! It says RIGHT HERE that the number one thing you're supposed to do at slumber parties is have fun! And thanks to you two, I can't check that off! Applejack: I've been tryin' my darnedest to get along! Rarity: No, it is I who've been trying MY best. Applejack: No, it was me. Rarity: No, it was I. Applejack: Me! Rarity: I! Twilight: I hope you're happy. Both of you. You've ruined my very first slumber party! The makeovers, the s'mores, Truth or Dare, the pillow fight... I mean, is there ANYTHING else that could possibly go wrong?! (thunder) (meekly) Sorry I asked... (thunder) (all gasp) Applejack: Ya see? That's why we needed to take down all those little branches in town, not spiffy 'em up! Rarity: (defensively) But I- Applejack: Outta my way, Missy! Time's a-wastin'. (rope twirls) Rarity: Wait! Stop! DON'T! Applejack: No waitin'! No stoppin'! DOIN'! And that, my friends, is what we call, "Gettin' 'er done." (Rarity and Twilight scream) (tree crashes into house) Rarity: (whimpers) I TRIED to tell you it would come crashing down in here! Applejack: Well, you shoulda tried harder! I'm mighty sorry, Twilight. Twilight: It's...well, it's not okay! There's a giant tree branch in the middle of my bedroom. And the book doesn't say anything about having a giant tree branch at your slumber party. Or at least I haven't found the entry yet. (whimpers) Applejack: WHAT in tarnation are y'all doin' over there?! Rarity: Cleaning up this mess SOMEpony made! Who was that again? Oh, right, that's YOU! Applejack: We gotta do somethin'! Twilight: "Baking...BFFs...Brothers..." There's nothing in here about branches! (Applejack grunts) Applejack: Rarity, for pony's sake, stop sweatin' the small stuff and help me get rid o'this thing! I said hustle over here and help me! Look...I'm sorry, all right? Rarity: What was that? Applejack: I said I'm sorry! I shoulda listened to you when you noticed where this here branch would end up. Yer annoyin' attention to detail woulda saved us from this whole mess. But right now, ya need to stop bein' so dang fussy pickin' up all those little things and help me move the one big thing in here that actually matters! Please! Rarity: (pouts) But I'll get all icky! Applejack: Consarn it! (stumbles over words) I mean, yes, ickiness is often a side effect of hard work! But y'all need to get over it, on account I just can't fix this mess I made myself. I need your help. Rarity: Ohh...(determined) Let's do this. Twilight: Well, they do have a section about backyard slumber parties. Is that what we're doing right now? Does this count as camping? (Rarity strains) (musical chimes) (Applejack grunts) Rarity: (shocked gasp) I look awful... (mud sloshing) Applejack: Better? Rarity: Heh...thanks. Twilight: Oh, pretty! Where did these come from? ...They're not in the book either. (all giggling) Applejack: Is it bigger than a barn? Twilight: (giggles) Nope! Rarity: Is it smaller than a saddle? Twilight: (giggles) No! Only three of your questions left! Applejack: We're never gonna guess what y'er thinkin' of, it could be anythin'. Rarity: Are we getting warmer? Twilight: Why? Is it too cold in here for you? I can turn up the heat. Applejack: She means are we gettin' any closer with our guesses? Twilight: Oh! No. And that technically counted as a question, so only two more left! Applejack: Is it... a six-legged pony with a purple polka-dotted mane and shootin' stars comin' out of his eyes? Rarity: Who flies through the air all over the world to hide magic, sparkly eggs? Twilight: That's it! Applejack and Rarity: It is? Twilight: No. (light chuckle) It's that. But it was just so nice to see you two finally getting along, I wanted you to be able to win together. (Applejack and Rarity laugh heartily) Twilight: See? We could've been having fun like this all along! Applejack: If only somepony hadn't been so persnickety. Rarity: Well, maybe she wouldn't have been if somepony else hadn't been so sloppy. Applejack: Sorry for being such a pain in the patootie. Rarity: Oh, no, I'm sure I was much worse. Applejack: That's kind o'ya to say, but I'm the one who's sorry. Rarity: Oh, I'm much more sorry than you are. Applejack: Are not. Rarity: Are too. (both laughing) Twilight: I declare my first slumber party a success! (all cheer) Have fun? Check. (Applejack and Rarity laugh) Rarity: Now take two steps to your left. Uh, no, my left. Applejack: Whu, which is it? (crash) Whoa! That mess is your fault, not mine. (laughs) Rarity: (giggles) Sorry. Twilight: (voice-over) "Dear Princess Celestia, It's hard to believe that two ponies who seem to have so little in common could ever get along. But I found out that if you embrace each other's differences, you might just be surprised to discover a way to be friends after all. (aloud) So, who's up for another slumber party tomorrow night? How about a week from Thursday? Oh, how about two weeks from Saturday? A month from now? (Applejack and Rarity laugh) (ending theme begins) My Little Pony My Little Pony (instrumental) My Little Pony, friends	Plan: A: Applejack; Q: Who accidentally drags a tree branch into Twilight's bedroom? A: Applejack and Rarity; Q: Who apologize to each other after the lightning branch mess? A: an argument; Q: What do Applejack and Rarity have as they prepare for a thunderstorm? A: Their arguing; Q: What causes Applejack and Rarity to be stuck outside when the storm hits? A: Twilight; Q: Who decides to throw her first slumber party? A: the library; Q: Where does Twilight invite Applejack and Rarity to spend the night? A: Rarity's regret; Q: What is the reaction of Applejack and Rarity to Twilight throwing her first slumber party? A: The hostility; Q: What increases between Applejack and Rarity with each activity? A: the conflict; Q: What is Twilight unaware of? A: a lightning bolt; Q: What threatens to send a tree branch into a nearby home? A: the branch; Q: What did Applejack and Rarity work together to get rid of? A: their differences; Q: What do Applejack and Rarity overcome by working together to clean up the mess? A: the slumber party; Q: What do Applejack and Rarity enjoy with Twilight? Summary: Applejack and Rarity have an argument over their respective approaches to work as they prepare for a thunderstorm. Their arguing causes them to be stuck outside when the storm hits, but Twilight invites them into the library to spend the night. Twilight decides to throw her first slumber party, much to Applejack and Rarity's regret. The hostility between Applejack and Rarity increases with each activity, with Twilight oblivious to the conflict. As they prepare to go to sleep, a lightning bolt threatens to send a tree branch into a nearby home. Applejack lassos it in time to stop it, accidentally dragging it into Twilight's bedroom in the process. Between the mess, Applejack and Rarity work together to get rid of the branch and clean up the mess, overcoming their differences. They later apologize to each other, and enjoy the rest of the slumber party with Twilight.
In Miss Sauve's office Paige is sitting and reading from a notebook. PAIGE: What you did changed my life. I still can't sleep without the light on. Sometimes I look under the bed, worried you might be there. I made a mistake going upstairs with you, but, Dean, you made more than a mistake. You made a choice. MISS SAUVE: An important distinction. PAIGE: Well, yeah. This whole thing belongs on Mr. Evil's conscience. MISS SAUVE: And your conscience? PAIGE: I said no, so how could I feel responsible? MISS SAUVE: (smiling) You've stopped blaming yourself. PAIGE: Yeah, I have. MISS SAUVE: Excellent progress. And we'll keep working on it. Same time next week? PAIGE: Um, Miss Sauve. Therapy is great, but... (Getting up) MISS SAUVE: I strongly recommend we continue. I'll pencil you in anyway. PAIGE: Pencil away, but it is a waste of an appointment. Opening Credits Hallway Raditch is talking on the PA system. Paige walks up to JT, who is pretending to be a mime in an imaginary box JT: Paige, help! I'm stuck in a box. PAIGE: Does it say, "Caution: Freak inside?" JT: What? Can't hear you. Box. (Paige opens imaginary door and JT steps out of box) JT: Thanks. (They start walking) A little mime magic for my mascot routine. You like? PAIGE: I always like your stuff. Just make sure you bring that magic to tomorrow's basketball tournament. JT: Wait a minute. Did you just talk to me without saying "midget," "twerp," or "dweeb?" PAIGE: I think I did. Lucky you. (JT leaves and Paige walks by Spinner and Marco) Hey boys. MARCO: Oh, hey Paige. PAIGE: Spin, I love the roots. (Touches his arm) Tre cool. In Mr. Simpson's room Marco and Ellie are showing him papers. MARCO: I know it's a competitive market, but unisex cologne doubles our buyers. ELLIE: (holding up cologne) Share you scent. Sing a duet. MR. SIMPSON: I'm impressed. You guys thought through your mock product and campaign and finished first. So, time to move on to part two of the project and film your ad. ELLIE: It'll be great. Total cheese musical. MARCO: Fun and fabulous. MR. SIMPSON: Sounds great. Camera's all yours. ELLIE: (heading back to her computer) You sure you don't want to direct? MARCO: Positive. Listen, I trust you. CRAIG: (on his computer, turing around in his chair) Your love brings tears to my eyes. MARCO: Just wish everyone could be so lucky. (Kisses Ellie's hand. Craig turns back to his computer as Marco and Ellie sit down at their's.) ELLIE: Nice on boyfriend. MARCO: Thank-you, girlfriend. Spirit Squad practice in the gym SPIRIT SQUAD: Blue and gold shoot for two. PAIGE: That was great guys. Take a break. HAZEL: Paige, that choreography kills. PAIGE: I try. The crowd tomorrow won't know what hit them. HAZEL: (noticing Spinner entering gym) Spinner, finally decide to join spirit squad? SPINNER: Ha-ha, dream on. Got the final team's name in for tomorrow's tourney. (Puts sign with "Bardell" on tournament board.) Bardell. You're boyfriend's back. (Leaves) PAIGE: Hazel, he's coming to me school. Miss Sauve's office MISS SAUVE: Paige, back so soon. PAIGE: (sitting down) Yeah, um. I wanted to ask about pressing charges against Dean. MISS SAUVE: Ok, we'll have to set up a meeting with your mom. PAIGE: No, I know. But, what actually happens? MISS SAUVE: Well, the police will get involved. You'll probably be asked to testify. PAIGE: And then we send him to jail? MISS SAUVE: If there's enough evidence, yes. PAIGE: Well, I had all those doctors exams. MISS SAUVE: And they reassured us that you were injury free and that you hadn't developed any STDs. PAIGE: (realizing)They're not evidence. MISS SAUVE: Unfortunately, Paige, the longer you wait to report, the less physical evidence there is. PAIGE: So, what? I could go to court, tell the truth, and I could still loose? MISS SAUVE: Possibly. PAIGE: But that is so unfair. MISS SAUVE: Don't get discouraged. If this is what you want, then we'll make the best case we can. PAIGE: Forget it. I just thought I'd ask. Outside Ellie is working on the commercial storyboard. Ashley walks up. ASHLEY: Wow. Bright. ELLIE: Marco is obsessed with Bolly-wood musicals. It seemed fun. MARCO: (walking up) A surprise for la senorita. (Hands her a container of food) It's my mom's eggplant parmesan. I know how much you like it. ELLIE: Wow. Thanks. MARCO: And there's enough for both of you, so I'll leave you ladies to your girl talk. (Walks away) ELLIE: (sitting down at table) This is the perfect vegetarian dish. ASHLEY: From your perfect boyfriend. Really, could you two be more meant for each other? Outside in the courtyard Paige is sitting alone. JT knocks on the window from inside to get her attention. He pretends to be walking against a hard wind. Paige is not amused and walks inside. JT: Come on. Wind tunnel man. That's comic gold. PAIGE: I thought mimes were supposed to be silent. JT: Paige, are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong, like at practice? PAIGE: No, for once it's not about you. It's about me not cheering tomorrow. JT: What? We need you. PAIGE: Too bad. Deal with it. JT: Why? PAIGE: It's really none of your business. JT: If I'm sweating in a mascot costume and you're at home watching tv, it is my business. PAIGE: Someone's coming tomorrow. From Bardell. And I can't see him. JT: Did he dump you or something? PAIGE: Or something. JT: Well, just give him some of your world-famous attitude. Show him who's boss. PAIGE: Is that why you've been stalking me? To give me a pep talk? (JT looks hurt and walks away) Outside A camera and colorful backdrop are set up for the commercial. Ellie is behind the camera and Marco is in front of the backdrop. ELLIE: So the you lean in, close, romantic. And you say your line. MARCO: Alright, let's do it. (Gets off the set) ELLIE: Action. (Marco dances on set) Cut. You're out of frame. MARCO: It's hard to know where to stop without Heather here. ELLIE: I'll stand in. (Goes on set while Marco steps to the side.) Action. (Marco dances to her and puts a pink boa around her neck) Great. Now, arm behind me. Raise the perfume and say... MARCO: Share your scent. Sing a duet. ELLIE: (kissed a surprised Marco, then goes back behind the camera, embarrassed.) Yeah. That was great. Let's move on. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige's room She is sitting on the bed, fully dressed, looking at her cheerleader outfit hanging on the wall. The alarm clock goes off and Paige quiets it. Bardell's bus pulls into school as Paige and hazel are walking there. HAZEL: Are you ok? PAIGE: I'm staying far away from him. MANNY: (walks up to them, forcing them to stop) Hey Paige. Are we doing the elevator formation first or...? (Paige sees Dean getting off the bus) HAZEL: Let's go. (They start walking) DEAN: (notices Paige and runs up to her) Spirit. Hold on. (Paige slowly turns around) So what's in today's plan? Some ra-ra cheering or another serenade from your little girl band? PAIGE: This is my school and I don't want to see or talk to you again. (Turns and walks into school) DEAN: (following) Lighten up. We had fun. PAIGE: (stops and turns around again) Fun? You think what you did to me was fun? DEAN: (to Hazel) The night of the party, you were there. Who did Spirit come to see? Right. Me. PAIGE: I said no. DEAN: So shake your little pom-poms and look cute Spirit. I got a game. (Walks away) Mr. Simpson's class Marco is talking with Craig. Ellie walks in with poster board. ELLIE: Hey, Marco. MARCO: So, you ready for your directing debut? ELLIE: Yeah, and I've got a bit of new direction. (New storyboard is all black and white) MARCO: Who died? ELLIE: It's called minimalism. MARCO: I call it boring. What happened to Heather and all the dancing girls? ELLIE: Unnecessary. Duet was getting lost in all the glitz. MARCO: Ok, if you say so, we'll do it this way. You're the director. ELLIE: You're fine with it? MARCO: Yeah, whatever you want. Honest. B-ball team is walking in the hallway JIMMY: We rule. This tournament is ours. Bardell has absolutely no chance. (High fives another player) SPINNER: (to random guy) Jimmy should calm down. Bardell's a tough team. PAIGE: We can beat them. DEAN: (coming up behind her) You think so Spirit? Good-luck. (Walks away) PAIGE: (to Hazel) I'll see you later. (Walks off in different direction) SPINNER: (walking up to Hazel) What's up with her? Is she still hung up on Dean? HAZEL: No. SPINNER: Come on, Hazel. I was at the party. I know what happened. HAZEL: What's that? SPINNER: He and Paige... Paige dumped me and then did it with him. HAZEL: And what if it wasn't like that? What if she said no? SPINNER: Good one, Hazel. But the only one she said no to was me. (Walks away) On the new black and white set for MARCO and ELLIE's commercial MARCO: Duet. We are as one. We absorb... (Cuts off and laughs) ELLIE: Marco, that's the seventh take. MARCO: I'm sorry. It's just that when I say, "absorb each other" it sounds like we're selling tampons or something. ELLIE: Are you making fun of my writing? MARCO: But it doesn't even go with our whole concept. A duet with one person? I can go find someone right now, and we can do the dance like before. ELLIE: No, you can't. MARCO: I said yes to this whole weird concept. But ever since then you've been treating my like your slave. ELLIE: Funny, cuz that's how I always feel around you. You may not like what you're doing here, but it's way better than some flaming... (Cuts off) MARCO: So that's what this is about. I can't be who you want. ELLIE: Can't? Or Won't? (Marco shakes his head and leaves) Outside Paige and Hazel are eating lunch at a picnic table. PAIGE: You told Spinner? HAZEL: I wanted him to understand. PAIGE: Well, what did he say? HAZEL: He didn't believe me. PAIGE: He thinks I wanted it, right? I'm going home. (Gets up) HAZEL: Paige. PAIGE: You were right. I should have stayed there. Dean wins again. (Sees Dean and Manny talking and turns back to Hazel) (Paige walks up to Manny, who is at her locker.) MANNY: hey Paige. I can't wait for halftime. I'm nailing that flip. What's going on? PAIGE: Um, earlier I saw you and Dean talking outside. MANNY: He started talking to me. PAIGE: No problem. Um, just don't be alone with him, ok? Someone warned me about him once and I should have listened. He seems nice... MANNY: He is nice. PAIGE: What do you know? You talked to him for five minutes. MANNY: I know you guys had a date. And I know he never called you back. And I know you're jealous. Get over it. (Walks away) On the basketball quart JT walks up to Hazel. JT: Where's Paige? HAZEL: I dunno. JT: This panther's on the case. (Leaves) Outside school Paige is sitting down, and JT comes out to talk to her. JT: Oh, fearless leader. PAIGE: Go away. JT: Paige, you say that all the time, but we both know you don't mean it. PAIGE: Yeah, well this time I do. (Gets up and starts walking) JT: (following) Paige, the squad needs you. PAIGE: Leave me alone. JT: This is just about some guy, right? PAIGE: (sitting down) You mean Dean? Bardell's resident sports hero. (Pauses) And rapist. Yeah, he raped me. And no one in the whole world seems to be able to do anything about it. (JT walks towards the school, forgetting his mascot head. Paige picks it up and starts to follow) JT! Inside gym Dean fouls Jimmy and they set up for the free throws. JT comes in and pushes Dean. JT is not succeeding in hurting Dean, who is slightly amused. Paige silently watches. JT: Too much for you Mr. Rapist? (Dean, no longer amused, throws JT onto the ground and is about to punch him when a referee pulls him off) REF: You're benched. Game suspension. (Mr. Armstrong helps JT up) And the mascot...? MR. ARMSTRONG: Is going to the principal's office. Now. (JT grabs his head from Paige and leaves. Spinner walks towards Paige, who goes out into the hallway) SPINNER: Paige, what is going on? PAIGE: Nothing. SPINNER: JT in the mascot uniform attacking Dean, that's not nothing. (Paige turns to leave and Spinner grabs her arm) Paige... PAIGE: (turning around and shrugging off his hand) (loudly) Spin, could you please... (Cuts off) SPINNER: Something happened to you. PAIGE: I just got what I asked for, right? SPINNER: He took it too far, like Hazel said, right? Didn't he? (Dean walks out of gym and continues out the main door.) Hey. (Spinner follows him and Paige follows Spinner) Hey, you're not going anywhere. (Pushes Dean up against his bus. Dean pushes him back.) DEAN: Your mascot came at me. SPINNER: You think that's what this is about? PAIGE: Spinner, stop. SPINNER: (pushes Dean again) What, he deserves it. PAIGE: (breaking them apart) Spinner, please. DEAN: Water boy your boyfriend? PAIGE: I have one thing to say to you Dean. Get ready because I am coming after you this time. Not like Spinner or the mascot. For real. (Dean gets on his bus) In Mr. Simpson's room Ellie is on a computer editing the commercial. Marco comes in. MARCO: So much for us being as one, huh? ELLIE: I'm sorry. MARCO: (sitting down) Elle, you're my best friend. But if that's not enough... ELLIE: It's really hard Marco. Pretending to be something... MARCO: ...you're not. I know. ELLIE: But did you ever think about how hard it would be for me? Are you still confused? MARCO: No. (Pause) Ellie, I'm gay. And you and me... ELLIE: ...will always just be friends. (Marco nods, then Ellie nods as well.) Miss Sauvé's office MISS SAUVÉ: You're sure? PAIGE: Mom and I talked. I want to press charges. MISS SAUVÉ: Good. Now it's a legal matter. So no more conversations with Dean. PAIGE: Fine by me. MISS SAUVÉ: So, Tuesday?	Plan: A: people; Q: What does Emma not want to know that Mr. Simpson is dating her mother? A: first place; Q: What does Emma want to win at the Science Fair? A: Manny; Q: Who accidentally emails the entire class about the relationship? A: a jealous Liberty; Q: Who tries to convince Emma to forfeit the trophy? A: Mr. Simpson's part; Q: Liberty tries to convince Emma to forfeit the trophy due to a "judging bias" on what part? A: his erections; Q: What is Spinner having trouble controlling? A: more attention; Q: What is Spinner getting from the girls that causes him to eat fruit? A: Ellie's phone number; Q: What does Jimmy get from Spinner? A: a humiliating way; Q: How does Jimmy take advantage of Spinner's problem? Summary: Emma doesn't want people to know that Mr. Simpson is dating her mother as she hopes to win first place at the Science Fair. Emma ultimately wins, but the joy is short-lived when Manny accidentally emails the entire class about the relationship, and a jealous Liberty tries to convince Emma to forfeit the trophy due to a "judging bias" on Mr. Simpson's part. Meanwhile, Spinner is having trouble controlling his erections and starts eating fruit after he begins getting more attention from the girls. Upset that he was able to get Ellie's phone number, Jimmy takes advantage of Spinner's problem in a humiliating way.
[INT. TARDIS] The Doctor: Take a punt. Clara: Right. The Doctor: Your choice. Wherever, whenever, anywhere in time and space. Clara: Well, there is something, someone that I've always wanted to meet. But I know what you'll say. The Doctor: Try me. Clara: You'll say he's made up, that there is no such thing. The Doctor: Go on. Clara: It's. It's Robin Hood. The Doctor: Robin Hood. Clara: Yeah. I love that story. I've always loved it, ever since I was little. The Doctor: Robin Hood, the heroic outlaw, who robs from the rich and gives to the poor. Clara: Yeah. The Doctor: He's made up. There's no such thing. Clara: Ah, you see? The Doctor: Old-fashioned heroes only exist in old-fashioned story books, Clara. Clara: And what about you? The Doctor: Me? Clara: Yeah, you. You stop bad things happening every minute of every day. That sounds pretty heroic to me. The Doctor: Just passing the time. Hey, what about Mars? Clara: What?! The Doctor: The Ice Warrior Hives. Clara: You said it was my choice. The Doctor: Or the Tumescent Arrows of the Half-Light. Those girls can hold their drink. Clara: Doctor. The Doctor: And fracture fifteen different levels of reality simultaneously. I think I've got a Polaroid somewhere. Clara: Doctor! My choice. Robin Hood. Show me. The Doctor: Very well. [CLARA GASPS EXCITEDLY] The Doctor: Earth. England. Sherwood Forest. 1190AD. Ish. But you'll only be disappointed. [SCENE_BREAK] [River] [BIRDSONG] The Doctor: No damsels in distress, no pretty castles, no such thing as Robin Hood. Robin: You called? Very, very nicely done with the box, sir. I saw a Turk perform something very similar at Nottingham Fayre. Robin: It's a trick with mirrors, no doubt? The Doctor: A trick? Robin: A good jest. [LAUGHS] The Doctor: This is not a trick. This is a TARDIS. Robin: Whatever it is, you bony rascal, I'm afraid I must relieve you of it. The Doctor: It's my property, that's what it is. Robin: Well, don't you know all property is theft to Robin Hood? The Doctor: You're not serious. Robin: I'm many things, sir, but I'm never that. Robin Hood laughs in the face of all. [LAUGHS] The Doctor: And do people ever punch you in the face when you do that? Robin: Not as yet. The Doctor: Lucky I'm here then, isn't it? Clara: Might be a little bit much, but what do you reckon, Doctor? Robin: By all the saints. Are there any more in there? Clara: Is that? The Doctor: No. Clara: Oh, my God. Oh, my God! It is, isn't it? You found him. You actually found Robin Hood. The Doctor: That is not Robin Hood. Robin: Well then, who, sir, is about to relieve you of your magic box? The Doctor: Nobody, sir. Not in this universe or the next. Robin: Well then, draw your sword and prove your words. The Doctor: I have no sword. I don't need a sword. The Doctor: Because I am the Doctor. The Doctor: And this is my spoon. En garde! Robin: Ow! Clara: You're amazing. The Doctor: I've had some experience. Richard the Lionheart. Cyrano de Bergerac. Errol Flynn. He had the most enormous Clara: Ahem. The Doctor: Ego. Clara: [CLEARS HER THROAT] Takes one to know one. Robin: Oh, you. Clara: Doctor! The Doctor: Like I said. My box. Clara: Doctor? [SCENE_BREAK] [THE DOCTOR GASPS ROBIN AND CLARA LAUGH CHICKENS SQUAWK] Quale: In the name of all that's holy, take our money, take our treasure, but spare my ward. Girl: Do not fuss. All will be well. Quale: This is the Sheriff's doing. If he were here now, I'd tear out his black heart! Sheriff: Would you now? [WOMAN SCREAMS] Sheriff: Or are you as milk-livered as your name suggests, Master Quayle? Quale: Take me. Spare this dear child. Sheriff: Take you? A lardy lack-wit like you? It's labour we require up at the castle. Labour and gold. Not old men and their worthless baubles. This will be a great help, Master Quayle, believe me. Newcomer to Sherwood, are we? Girl: Yes, my Lord. Sheriff: You may also prove useful. Bring her. Quale: Your days are numbered, you cur. Sheriff: You shall live to regret that. Actually, no. You won't. Girl: No! No! [SHE SOBS] [SCENE_BREAK] [Outlaw's Hideout] Robin: Let me introduce you to my men. This is Will Scarlet. He is a cheeky rogue with a good sword arm and a slippery tongue. Will: My lady. [LAUGHTER] Will: Argh! What do you want with my hair? The Doctor: Well, it's realistic, I'll give you that. Robin: And this is Friar Tuck. Aptly named for the amount of grub he tucks into. Tuck: You skinny blackguard. [LAUGHTER] Tuck: What are you doing? The Doctor: This isn't a real sandal. Tuck: Yes, it is. The Doctor: (sniffs) Oh. Yes, it is. Robin: This, er, is Alan-a-Dale. He's a master of the lute, whose music brightens up these dark days. Alan: ♪ Stranger you are welcome here, in Sherwood's bonny glade. ♪ Ow! The Doctor: Sorry, sorry, sorry. Blood analysis. Oh. All those diseases. If you were real, you'd be dead in six months. Alan: I am real. The Doctor: Bye. Robin: And this is John Little. Called Little John. He's my loyal companion in many an adventure. [ALL LAUGH] Clara: Oh! Will: Works every time. Clara: Oh, I cannot believe this. You, you really are Robin Hood and his Merry Men. Robin: Aye! That is an apt description. What say you, lads? ALL: Aye! The Doctor: Stop laughing. Why are you always doing that? Are you all simple or something? I'm going to need a sample. Robin: Of what? Clara: [CLEARS HER THROAT] Excuse me. Sorry. What are you doing? The Doctor: Well, they're not holograms, that much is obvious. Could be a theme park from the future. Or we might be inside a miniscope. Clara: Oh, shut up. The Doctor: A miniscope. Yes, of course. Why not? Robin: Your friend seems not quite of the real world. Clara: No. No, he's not really. Not most of the time. Dark days? Robin: My lady? Clara: You said that these were dark days. What did you mean? Will: King Richard is away on crusade, my lady. His tyrant of a brother rules instead. Clara: And the Sheriff. Cos there is a sheriff, right? Alan: Aye. It is indeed this jackal of the princes who seeks to oppress us for ever more. The Doctor: Or six months in your case. Robin: It is a shame to dwell on murky thoughts when there is such beauty here. Clara: Why are you so sad? Robin: Why do you think me sad? Clara: Because the Doctor's right, you laugh too much. Robin: You know, I do not live this outlaw life by choice. You see before you Robert. Both: Earl of Loxley. Clara: Yes. Robin: Yes. Clara: Sorry. Do go on. Robin: I er, I had my lands and titles stripped from me. I dared to speak out against Prince John. But I lost the thing most dear to me. Clara: What was she called? Robin: You're so very quick. How does the Doctor stand it? Clara: Marian? Robin: You know her? Clara: Oh, yes. I have always known her. Robin: It was Marian who told me that I must stand up and be counted. But, I was afraid. Now this green canopy is my palace and the rough ground my feather bed. Maybe one day I will return home, but until that day. Until that day, it is beholden on me to be the man Marian wanted, to be a hero for those this tyrant sheriff slaughters. The Doctor: What time is it, Mister Hood? Robin: Somewhat after noon. The Doctor: No, no. Time of year? What season? Robin: Oh, Dame Autumn has draped her mellow skirts about the forest, Doctor. The time of mists and harvest approaches. The Doctor: Yeah, yeah. All very poetic. But it's very green hereabouts, though, isn't it? Like I said, very sunny. Clara: So? The Doctor: Have you been to Nottingham? [BIRDSONG] Clara: Climate change? The Doctor: It's 1190. Robin: You must excuse me. The Sheriff has issued a proclamation and tomorrow there is to be a contest to find the best archer in the land. And the bounty, it's an arrow made of pure gold. Clara: No! Don't, don't go. It's a trap. Robin: Well, of course it is! [ALL LAUGH] But a contest to find the best archer in the land? [CHUCKLES] There is no contest. [All LAUGH] The Doctor: Right, that isn't even funny. That was bantering. I am totally against bantering. Clara: How can you be so sure he is not the real thing? The Doctor: Because he can't be. Clara: When did you stop believing in everything? The Doctor: When did you start believing in impossible heroes? Clara: Don't you know? In a way, it's rather sweet. [SCENE_BREAK] [BEEPING CHEERING] Herald: In the contest for the golden arrow, after ten rounds, the battle is betwixt our Lord Sheriff... [MUTED CHEERING] Herald: And the stranger known as Tom the Tinker. [RAUCOUS CHEERING] Sheriff: Perhaps not such a stranger after all. Herald: Take your places. Robin: Shall we make the contest a little more interesting, my Lord? The targets seem a little close. What say you? Another twenty paces? Sheriff: Why not? Sheriff: Now, Tinker. Let us see thy true face. [CHEERING] Herald: Ye Gads! He has split the arrow! Truly, he is the finest archer in all England. Come forward, Tinker. And claim your prize. Little John: He's full of surprises, isn't he? The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. My skills as a bowman speak for themselves. I claim my reward. The Doctor: A mere bauble. The Doctor: I want something else. Sheriff: Name it. The Doctor: Enlightenment. The Doctor: This is getting silly. Sheriff: Fascinating. Seize him! The Doctor: What are you doing? Put that down. Clara: I'm fine. I take Year Seven for after school Tae Kwon Do. Robin: Don't worry, Doctor. I'll save you. The Doctor: I don't need saving. Robin: Your honour is safe. The Doctor: I know. Robin: For I am Robin. [CHEERING] Robin: Robin Hood! Voice (O.C.): Witchery! Witchery! The Doctor: Robot. [CLANKING] The Doctor: Now we're getting somewhere. Sheriff: Take them. Kill the rest. Kill them all! The Doctor: He surrenders! Robin: What? The Doctor: Hai! Robin: You miserable cur. I had them on the run. Flee, lads, flee! Live to fight another day! Tuck: Come on! Sheriff: To the dungeons with all of them. Clara: What are you up to? The Doctor: Quickest way to find out anybody's plans, get yourself captured. [SCENE_BREAK] [Castle] [SCREAMS AND GROANS] Girl: Here, let me help you. Walter: Thank you, Lady. Girl: What are you? Gargoyle, what are you? Knight: Leave it. Girl: He only needs to rest. We all need to rest. Knight: Analysis shows that peasant creature is spent. Girl: No. No, please. Knight: Usefulness expired. Walter: No. No! No! Girl: Damn you! Damn you and that villain the Sheriff! [SCENE_BREAK] [Dungeon] Robin: Splendid. Enchained. Clara: Yep. Robin: Trussed up like turkey-cocks. Thanks to your friend. The Doctor: Shut it, Hoodie. I saved your life. Robin: I had the situation well in hand. The Doctor: Long-haired ninny versus robot killer knights? I know where I'd put my money. Robin: If you had not betrayed me, I would have been triumphant. The Doctor: You would have been a little puff of smoke and ashes. Robin: Oh, ha! The Doctor: You'd have been floating around in tiny little laughing bits in people's goblets. Robin: Balderdash. Ha! The Doctor: Oh, right, here we go. It's laughing time. Robin: Well, you amuse me, grey old man. The Doctor: Guard! He's laughing again! You can't keep me locked up with a laughing person. Robin: Oh, I find that, I find that quite funny. Do you know, I feel another laugh coming on. A-ha-ha-ha! The Doctor: Guards, I cannot remain in this cell. Execute me now. Robin: You heard him. Execute the old fool. The Doctor: No, hang on. Execute him. Robin: I do not fear death, so execute away. The Doctor: Execute him. I'd like to see if his head keeps laughing when you chop it off! Robin: Oh, Robin Hood always laughs in the face of death. The Doctor: Yes, rolling around the floor laughing, I would pay good money to see that. The Doctor & Robin: Guard! Guard! Guard! Guard! Guard! Guard! Clara: Oh, you two, SHUT UP! Do either of you understand, in any way at all, that there isn't actually a guard out there? The Doctor: Oh. Robin: I did, in fact. The Doctor: No, you didn't. Clara: I said, shut up. The Doctor and Robin Hood locked up in a cellar. Is this seriously the best that you can do? You're determined to starve to death in here squabbling. Robin: Well, I'll tell you one thing. I'd last a lot longer than this desiccated man-crone. The Doctor: Really? Robin: Really. The Doctor: Well, you know what? I think you'll find I have a certain genetic advantage. Oh! Clara: It is not a competition about who can die slower. The Doctor: It would definitely be me, though, wouldn't it? Clara: There was supposed to be a plan. Do either of you two have a plan? The Doctor: Yeah, of course I have a plan. Robin: I too have a plan. Clara: Okay. Robin, you first. The Doctor: Why him? Clara: Doctor, shut up. Robin, your plan. Robin: I am biding my time. Clara: Thank you, Prince of Thieves. Last of the Time Lords? The Doctor: Yes, I have a plan. Clara: Can you explain your plan without using the word sonic screwdriver? Because you might have forgotten the Sheriff of Nottingham has taken your sonic screwdriver, just saying. It's always the screwdriver. The Doctor: Okay, let, let, let, let's hear Robin's plan first. Clara: Oh, for God's sake! [DOOR IS UNLOCKED] Robin: See? There was a guard. There was guard listening the whole time, I knew it. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Guard: The Sheriff himself commanded me to listen, to find out which of you is the true ringleader. The Doctor: Ah, so he can do the interrogating. Very wise. Robin: Excellent. He will get nothing from me. The Doctor: No, no, no, no. no. He will get nothing from me, because interrogation, that's where I always turn the tables. You see, that's my plan. Robin: Just hurry up and take me to him. The Doctor: No, no, chop-chop, come on. Clara: Seriously. Guard: Come on. The Doctor: No. Robin: What are you doing? The Doctor: Don't be ridiculous! [DOOR SLAMS] [SCENE_BREAK] [Outlaw's Hideout] Little John: 'Tis a thing of beauty indeed. Will: And will feed a family for a twelvemonth when melted down. Tuck: Tonight we rest. Tomorrow we must draw up plans to rescue Robin. We shall soon see how those Mechanicals feel about the taste of Nottingham steel. Lord, forgive me. Alan: Strange, though, is it not? Little John: What? Alan: All this looting that the Sheriff is doing, and yet 'tis only ever gold that he takes. Pearls, rubies, all the precious jewels of the realm seem no consequence to him. Only gold. Alan: ♪ Poor Robin and the stranger lay, In the dungeon all the live-long day. The Merry Men might pine away, Upon a Sherwood morning. ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] [Sheriff's] [GROANS AND SCREAMS] Sheriff: Eat, my Lady, eat. Let it not be said that the Sheriff of Nottingham is a poor host. Clara: I had a bag of crisps this morning, thanks. Sheriff: Your words are strange, fair one. Clara: Mmm, I should think they are. Sheriff: But I like you. You're refreshingly direct. Clara: You can take the girl out of Blackpool. Sheriff: Taken from your friend's strange tunic. An intriguing gallimaufry. Including this wand. Evidently a thing of awesome power. Tell me, are you from beyond the stars? Clara: You're the one with the robot army, you tell me. [SCENE_BREAK] [Dungeon] The Doctor: I'm sorry? Robin: No. Beat your breast. Moan. Groan as though twenty devils possessed your guts. The Doctor: What for? Robin: So as to attract the attention of that gargoyle-faced guard. The Doctor: It's your plan. You moan. Robin: No, no. No, it won't work. The Doctor: Why? Robin: Oh, because you're clearly more advanced in years and you have a sickly aspect to you. The Doctor: I have a what? Robin: You're as pale as milk. It's the way with Scots. They're strangers to vegetables. The Doctor: I'm not moaning. You moan. Robin: Fine. If you want something doing. [HE MOANS LOUDLY] Can I rely upon you to do the rest? The Doctor: Yes, yes, I know the drill. Guard: What is this din? The Doctor: No business of yours, cur. (to Robin) Speak up. I can't hear you. Guard: What ails him? The Doctor: None of your business. Guard: I said, what ails him? The Doctor: Well, if you must know, he's having a nervous breakdown. Guard: A what? The Doctor: He's like this whenever he's in any kind of danger. He just can't seem to cope. He gets so afraid. He goes into a kind of fit. I honestly believe that he may die of sheer fright, like some tiny, shivering little mouse. [HE GROANS] Oh, God, I think he's soiled himself. Guard: Let him die. It will save us the trouble of executing him. The Doctor: And what will happen to the reward? Guard: Reward? The Doctor: Oh, God, I shouldn't have said that. Guard: Tell me! The Doctor: He carries a vital message. The Prince has promised a bounty. Guard: A big one? The Doctor: An enormous one. Guard: What's that? Say again? Robin: [HE MUMBLES] Your breath stinks like a serpent, has anyone ever told you that? [ROBIN GRUNTS] Robin: Soiled myself? The Doctor: Did you? That's getting into character. Okay, keys. Robin: I'll get them. The Doctor: No, no. I'll get them. Robin: I'll get them. I'll get them. The Doctor: I'm fine, no, no worries. I've got them! Robin: I've got them! I'll get... [KEYS RATTLE THEN FALL TAPPING AS THEY FALL THEN THEY LAND IN WATER] The Doctor: Well, there is a bright side. Robin: Which is? The Doctor: Clara didn't see that. [ROBIN SIGHS] [SCENE_BREAK] [Sheriff's] Sheriff: But enough of tawdry matters. Let us talk of softer, sweeter things. Clara: Ah. Good, yes, I was hoping we'd get round to that. Sheriff: You were? Clara: Mmm. For I have known I was destined to draw the eye of a great and powerful man for a long time. Ever since I saw those mysterious lights in the sky. Sheriff: You saw them too? Clara: And those strange mechanical men, with their promises. Sheriff: I too have experienced this. Clara: Really? Well, I would never have guessed. Tell me your story. Sheriff: Tell me yours. Clara: Oh, no, no, no, no. But you have to go first. Sheriff: Why so? Clara: Because great men always precede. Sheriff: You have a point. Clara: Your story, then. Sheriff: Once upon a time, there was a brave and clever and handsome man. Clara: I can almost picture him. I don't even have to close my eyes. Sheriff: Unappreciated by his royal master. Clara: Prince John? Sheriff: The very same. Clara: Then came the lights in the sky, and everything changed. Sheriff: The skyship came to Earth in a fury of fire. Clara: I'd almost call it a crash. I remember it well. Sheriff: A craft from the heavenly spheres, bedight with twinkling lights and miracles beyond imagining. The most beautiful thing the brave and handsome man had ever seen. Clara: And I suppose the mechanical men saw you as their natural leader? Sheriff: It was I and I alone to whom the mechanical men then imparted their secrets. Shortly, I shall be the most powerful man in the realm. King in all but name, for Nottingham is not enough. Clara: It isn't? Sheriff: After this, Derby. Clara: Right. Sheriff: Then Lincoln. And after Lincoln Clara: Worksop? [DAGGER SLAMS LOUDLY] Sheriff: The world! [SCENE_BREAK] [Passage] Robin: [PANTS] Now what? The Doctor: First, a blacksmith's forge. Robin: So as to remove our chains? The Doctor: No. So I can knock up an ornamental plant stand. Of course it's so we can get rid of our chains. I don't want to be manacled to you all night. [ROBIN LAUGHS] The Doctor: Oh, no. Please, don't do that. Robin: Ornamental plant stand. The Doctor: It's not even that funny. Robin: You're an amusing fellow, Doctor! The Doctor: Oh, don't! Can you just stop? [LAUGHTER CONTINUES] You'll give yourself a hernia. [SCENE_BREAK] [Sheriff's] Clara: So what are you hanging around here for, then, Your Majesty? Why are you bothering to squeeze pips out of peasants if you've got a skyship on stand-by? Sheriff: Enough questions. I'm impatient to hear your story. Clara: Oh, but I do not have one. I was lying. Sheriff: Lying? Clara: Yeah. People are so much better at sharing information if they think the other person has already got it. Sheriff: Oh, that's very clever. Clara: Thank you. Sheriff: You'll do very well. Clara: For what? Sheriff: Doesn't every king require a consort? Clara: Right, you do that again and you'll regret that. [SCENE_BREAK] [Spaceship] The Doctor: At last. Something real. No more fairy tales. Robin: What is this place? The Doctor: A spaceship. More twenty ninth century than twelfth. Data banks, data banks, data banks. Where was this ship headed? The Doctor: The Promised Land again. [COMPUTER BEEPS] Like the Half-Faced Man, but more sophisticated. It disguised itself as a twelfth century castle. The Doctor: It merges into the culture, tries to keep a low profile, so no one notices. That explains the robot knights. But the engines. The engines are damaged. They're leaking radiation into the local atmosphere, creating a temporary climate of staggering benevolence. Robin: I beg pardon? The Doctor: I told you. It's too sunny. It's too green. And there is even an evil sheriff to oppress the locals. This explains everything, even you. Robin: It does? The Doctor: Well, what does every oppressed peasant workforce need? The illusion of hope. Some silly story to get them through the day, lull them into docility, and keep them working. Ship's data banks. Full of every myth and legend you could hope for, including Robin Hood. The Doctor: Isn't it time you came clean with me? You're not real and you know it. Look at you. Perfect eyes, perfect teeth. Nobody has a jawline like that. You're as much a part of what is happening here as the Sheriff and his metal knights. You're a robot. Robin: You dare to accuse me of collusion with that villain, the Sheriff? The Doctor: I dare. Robin: You false-tongued knave. I should have skewered you when I had the chance. The Doctor: I would like to see you try. [LASERS ARE FIRED] The Doctor: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sheriff: Surrender, outlaw. The Doctor: Very good. Sheriff: Kill him. Kill Robin Hood. The Doctor: You can drop all that stuff now, Sheriff. Clara: Doctor? The Doctor: He is not what you think he is. This is all play-acting. Clara: We can't just let them kill him! The Doctor: You're not fooling anyone, Sheriff. Clara: What the hell are you doing? Robin: Surviving. Clara: No! The Doctor: No! Clara! [LOUD SPLASH] Sheriff: Yeah, sorry about the girl. Such a pretty thing. What a queen she would have made. The Doctor: Stop pretending. You and your fancy robots. I get it. I understand. Sheriff: Oh, so you too know my plans? The Doctor: You and your robots plundering the surrounding countryside for all it's worth. Gold. [HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS] Gold. Of course. Gold. You are creating a matrix of gold to repair the engine circuitry. Sheriff: This is the scheme the Mechanicals have devised. Soon this skyship will depart. Destination, London. There I will obliterate the King and take my rightful place as ruler of this sceptred isle. The Doctor: It won't work. There's not a chance. I've seen the instruments. There's been too much damage. You are stoking up a gigantic bomb! Sheriff: Shush. [SCENE_BREAK] [Castle] Knight (O.C.): Engine capacity at forty eight percent. [MAN SCREAMS] Knight (O.C.): Engine capacity at forty eight percent. The Doctor: It's not enough. That's not enough. It'll never make orbit. [PEOPLE WAILING, SMALL EXPLOSION ELECTRICAL PULSING] The Doctor: That's the engines, building in power. Stupid, stupid Sheriff. [HE GRUNTS The Doctor: Argh! Go on, give! Give, you stupid things. [HE PANTS] What are you looking at? [SCENE_BREAK] [Outlaw's hideout] Clara: Hi. Robin: The time for games is over. [SCENE_BREAK] [Castle] Girl: I think I understand you. The Sheriff's using the gold to replace something. The Doctor: That's the principle. But he's a moron. If he tries to fly this ship, it'll explode and wipe out half the country. What we need is a little riot. Time to reflect on lasers and gold. Spread the word. [SCENE_BREAK] [Outlaw's hideout] Robin: You will tell me everything this Doctor knows about Robin Hood and his Merry Men. Clara: What is this? Why are you interrogating me? Robin: And then, you will tell me exactly who this Doctor is and what are his plans. [SCENE_BREAK] [Castle] Knight: You are fit for labour. Stand aside while this peasant unit is freed. The Doctor: I'm afraid you're a little late. Knight: Explain. The Doctor: I'm already free! [SCENE_BREAK] [Sheriff's] Sheriff: Mine, mine, mine. Knight: Engine capacity at seventy five percent. [BEEPING] Sheriff: 'Sblood! Who will rid me of this turbulent Doctor? [FIST CLANGS ON METAL] Sheriff: Come. [SCENE_BREAK] [Castle] [SCREAMING] The Doctor: Everyone, the last one! [THEY CHEER] The Doctor: Out, out! Everyone, quickly, get out. Quickly! Girl: You've saved us all, clever one. Girl: Thank you. Knight: Engine capacity at eighty two percent. Sheriff: You are indeed an ingenious fellow, Doctor. But do you really think your peasants' revolt can stop me? The Doctor: I rather think you're the revolting one around here. I'm bantering. I'm bantering. Listen to me. You don't have enough gold content to seal the engine breach. If you try and take off, you'll wipe out half of England. Sheriff: Liar! From my sky vessel, I shall rule omnipotent. The Doctor: You pudding-headed primitive, shut down the engines. What you're doing will alter the course of history. Sheriff: I sincerely hope so, or I wouldn't be bothering. The Doctor: Listen to me. It doesn't have to end like this. Shut it all down, return Clara to me and I'll do what I can. Sheriff: I don't have Clara. The Doctor: Robin's one of yours. Sheriff: What did you say? The Doctor: He's one of your tin-headed puppets, just like these brutes here. Sheriff: Robin Hood is not one of mine. The Doctor: Of course he is. He's a robot, created by your mechanical mates. Sheriff: Why would they do that? The Doctor: To pacify the locals, give them false hope. He's the opiate of the masses. Sheriff: Why would we create an enemy to fight us? What sense would that make? That would be a terrible idea. The Doctor: Yes! Yes, it would. Wouldn't it? Yes, that would be a rubbish idea. Why would you do that? But he can't be. He's not real. He's a legend! Robin: Too kind! And this legend does not come alone. Clara: Hiya! Robin: You all right? Clara: Hell, yeah. Robin: Good. My men have taken the castle. Sheriff: No! Robin: Now I'm going to take you. Sheriff: This one's all mine! [MOTORS WIND DOWN] Sheriff: What do you say, outlaw? A final reckoning? Robin: Oh, yes. The Doctor: Are you okay? Clara: Fine, yeah. The Doctor: Good. We don't have long. [RUMBLING] Sheriff: I shall avenge every slight, outlaw. Clara: Doctor The Doctor: I know. The whole castle's about to blow. Sheriff: You have long been a thorn in my side. Robin: Well, everyone should have a hobby. Mine's annoying you. Sheriff: I'll have you boiled in oil at the castle by sunset. Robin: Can we make it a little earlier? Cos that's a little past my bedtime. Sheriff: I'm too much for you, outlaw. The first of a new breed. Half man, half engine. Sheriff: Never ageing. Never tiring. Robin: Are you still talking? Sheriff: Bow down before your new king, you prince of knaves! Sheriff: Argh! [SPLASH!] Robin: Sorry. Was that, er, was that showing off? Clara: That was amazing. [RUMBLING] The Doctor: Run! Come on, run! [CRASHING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Ext. Castle] The Doctor: It's never going to make it. Not enough gold. It'll never make it into orbit. Where is it? Where did it go? Clara: Where did what go? The Doctor: The golden arrow. Robin: Tuck! The Doctor: You took it? Tuck: Of course we did. We're robbers. DOCTORY: I love you boys. Clara: Doctor, what are you suggesting? The Doctor: Golden arrow. It might just be enough gold content to get the ship into orbit and out of harm's way. Robin: No, it has to be you. My arm is injured. Clara: You're good at this. I saw you. You won the tournament. The Doctor: I cheated. I made a special arrow with a homing device. Clara: Oh, brilliant. Right, let me have a go. The Doctor: You? You do Tae Kwon Do. That's not the same thing as this. Robin: My friends. Surely we can manage it together? [SCENE_BREAK] [Spaceship] Knight: Engine capacity at eighty three percent. Insufficient power to achieve escape velocity. Knight: Maximum power surge. [ALARM BLARES] Knight: Engines critical. Engines critical. Engines crit... [SCENE_BREAK] [Ext. Castle] Alan: ♪ One awful day in Nottingham, Brave Robin Hood was in a jam. The arrow flew it true... ♪ Will: Give it a rest, Alan. Alan: Give me my lute! [THEY LAUGH] Clara: Still not keen on the laughing thing? The Doctor: No, no, no, no. [SHE LAUGHS] [HE LAUGHS] [SCENE_BREAK] [River] Clara: Woo-hoo! I'm going to miss you. You're very naughty. Robin: Oh, I know. Whoever he is, he is a very lucky man. Clara: Marian is very lucky, too. Robin: I fear not. Clara: Don't give up. Not ever. Not for one single day. Clara: Be safe, if you can be. But always be amazing. Robin: Hmm. Clara: Goodbye, Robin Hood. Robin: Goodbye, Clara Oswald. Robin: So, is it true, Doctor? The Doctor: Is what true? Robin: That in the future I am forgotten as a real man? I am but a legend? The Doctor: I'm afraid it is. Robin: Hmm. Good. History is a burden. Stories can make us fly. The Doctor: I'm still having a little trouble believing yours, I'm afraid. Robin: Is it so hard to credit? That a man born into wealth and privilege should find the plight of the oppressed and weak too much to bear... The Doctor: No. Robin: Until one night he is moved to steal a TARDIS? Fly among the stars, fighting the good fight. Clara told me your stories. The Doctor: She should not have told you any of that. Robin: Well. Well, once the story started, she could hardly stop herself. You are her hero, I think. The Doctor: I'm not a hero. Robin: Well, neither am I. But if we both keep pretending to be. Ha-ha! Perhaps others will be heroes in our name. Perhaps we will both be stories. And may those stories never end. Robin: Goodbye, Doctor, Time Lord of Gallifrey. The Doctor: Goodbye, Robin Hood, Earl of Loxley. Robin: And remember, Doctor. I'm just as real as you are. [SCENE_BREAK] [TARDIS] Clara: Admit it. You like him. The Doctor: Well, I'm leaving him a present, aren't I? [METALLIC THRUMMING] [SCENE_BREAK] [River] Girl: Robin? I've found you at last. Robin: Marian? [CHEERING] Thank you. Thank you, Doctor! Robin: Ha-ha-ha! [SCENE_BREAK] What's that in the mirror or the corner of your eye? What's that footstep following... but never passing by? Perhaps they're all just waiting. Perhaps when we're all dead, out they'll come a-slithering from underneath the bed. [KNOCKING]	Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who wins a duel against Robin Hood by knocking him into a river? A: the outlaw; Q: Who is Robin Hood? A: Robin; Q: Who defeats the Sheriff of Nottingham in a duel? A: Sherwood Forest; Q: Where do the Doctor and Clara meet Robin Hood? A: the target; Q: What does the Doctor blow up in the archery contest? A: the Sheriff's robot knights; Q: Who captures the Doctor, Robin and Clara? A: the Sheriff's plans; Q: What does the Doctor want to learn about the Sheriff? A: a crashed spaceship; Q: What is the Sheriff trying to repair? A: its circuitry; Q: What part of the spaceship does the Sheriff want to repair with gold? A: the countryside's gold; Q: What does the Sheriff intend to use to repair his spaceship? A: the world; Q: What does the Sheriff want to take over? A: the engines; Q: What part of the spaceship would destroy half of England? A: England; Q: What country would be destroyed if the Sheriff's spaceship was able to make orbit? A: a gold vat; Q: Where does Robin knock the Sheriff into? A: Robin's arm; Q: What part of Robin Hood is injured? A: the golden arrow; Q: What do the Doctor, Clara, and Robin fire into the ship? A: a man; Q: What does the Doctor think Robin will be remembered as a legend rather than as? A: Maid Marian; Q: Who does the Doctor find for Robin before he leaves? Summary: The Doctor and Clara meet the outlaw Robin Hood in Sherwood Forest . The Doctor wins a duel against Robin by knocking him into a river. Robin takes part in an archery contest against the Sheriff of Nottingham . The Doctor challenges Robin before blowing up the target. The Doctor allows the Sheriff's robot knights to capture him, Robin and Clara so he can learn more about the Sheriff's plans. The Doctor and Clara discover the Sheriff has been trying to repair a crashed spaceship and intends to repair its circuitry with the countryside's gold, so that he can take over the world. However, there is not enough gold to make orbit, and the damage to the engines would destroy half of England. Robin defeats the Sheriff in a duel by knocking him into a gold vat. Since Robin's arm is injured (and the Doctor cheated during the archery contest), the Doctor, Clara, and Robin work together to fire the golden arrow from the contest into the ship, which then climbs into orbit where it detonates harmlessly. The Doctor admits that Robin will be remembered as a legend rather than as a man, and finds Maid Marian for him before departing.
Skyline: Doppler waves radiate from the tip of the Space Needle. ACT ONE Scene One - Apartment - Morning Martin is seated on his chair, tinkering with an old collapsible wooden playpen. Daphne comes in the front door. Daphne: Hello, Marty. What's that? Martin: Oh, it's Frasier and Niles's old playpen. I got it out of storage for you. Daphne: Looks a bit rickety Martin: No, it just needs a little weight to balance it. Put a baby in there and it'll be fine Martin gives it a light tap with his screwdriver - snap! the sides fold and slam together like the jaws of a bear-trap. They both gasp. Daphne: You're not putting my baby in that deathtrap. Frasier comes out in his bathrobe. Daphne: And by the way, did you move your gun out to storage like you promised? Martin: I'm getting to it. Frasier: What? That gun is still around? Martin: Oh, jeez. Frasier: Dad, two years ago I demanded you get rid of it and you said you did. Don't tell me it's still in your closet. Martin: No, it's in a shoebox under my bed. Frasier: Well, I don't want it here in my apartment. Martin: All right, all right, it'll go into storage today, but I don't know what we'll do if a burglar breaks in. Daphne: You could lure him into that playpen. [to Frasier] You slept awfully late. Frasier: Mm, yeah, oh well, I was having the most distressing dream. I was climbing up a volcano that was spewing ice instead of lava. Daphne: An ice volcano - wonder what that could mean. Frasier notices his answering machine blinking. Frasier: Oh, what's this? [pushes playback button] Lilith: [on machine] Hello, it's Lilith. All three make, "oh, that explains it" gestures. Lilith: We're supposed to be having breakfast, but you're not here. And as I don't know if you're tardy, or have been in a terrible accident, I'm unable to commit to an appropriate emotional response. Please call me. Thank you. [beep] Frasier: Oh damn, I completely forgot. Lilith is in town for a one-day conference. [picks up the phone] Now I'll have to cancel lunch to see her. Martin: Can't you catch her on the next trip? Frasier: No, no, she'll only be hurt, and of course she'll, she'll dredge it up the next time she needs an emotional trump card. Ooh! Maybe I can trick her into canceling lunch on me! Daphne: Instead of playing games, why don't you just talk to her. Frasier: We tried talking when we were married. We were better at games. [into phone] Hello, Lilith, it's Frasier. Gosh, I'm so sorry. I was on my way to breakfast, and, uh... I-I swerved to avoid hitting a Pomeranian, and I-I ran up on the curb and blew a tire. [Martin and Daphne trade a look] All right, well, maybe you could come by here for lunch. Martin gasps. Frasier: [covers the phone and whispers] She won't, she won't. [into phone] Okay, then. All right, see you here around 1:00, okay. Martin wrings his hands in frustration as Frasier hangs up. Frasier: Damn - she came to play. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Apartment Daphne answers the door to Niles. Niles: Hey. Daphne: Hello. [kisses him] Martin comes out with a shoebox, which he places on the kitchen table. Martin: Hey, Niles. Niles: Hey, Dad. Hey, do you want to join us for lunch? We're trying a new Indonesian place. It's famous for its Besengek Daging. He checks for a moment, wondering over his pronunciation. Martin: Well, wish I could, but I promised Frasier I'd stay here until he got back from the dentist. Niles: Oh well, we'll keep you company. [sits down] Why'd he need you to hang around? Daphne: [who's gotten her coat] He's making lunch for Lilith. Niles: [gets up] And off we go! The doorbell rings. Everyone freezes. Daphne: Too late. Niles: Shouldn't you get the door? Martin: You're closer. Niles: I don't live here. Martin: Doesn't matter, you're family. Niles: So is Daphne... Daphne: Oh, no you don't! Lilith: [from behind the door] Maybe if you slid me a key, I could let myself in. Embarrassed, Niles opens the door to Lilith. Martin: Hey, Lilith! Sorry for the hold-up, but Frasier should be back from the dentist any minute. Lilith: Oh, all right. That'll give us a chance to visit. Pause. Uncomfortable silence. Lilith: Daphne, Niles, congratulations on the successful commingling of your genetic material. Daphne: Thank you. Lilith: Do you know the s*x? Niles: Do we? That's how we got pregnant! He laughs, no one else does. He swallows it and takes her coat. Lilith: Thank you. Niles: No, we're-we're... we're gonna let it be a surprise. Lilith: Oh, okay. Daphne: Please sit down. Lilith: Thank you. Lilith sits on the couch, next to Daphne. Lilith: Well, if I was to guess the gender [with a little smirk] - and I'm usually right about half the time... I'm being humorous, of course. Martin: Oh! Lilith: I would say it's a boy. Daphne: Oh, what makes you say that? Lilith: Well, it's highly unscientific, but the proverbial old wives would cite the spreading of your nose, the unevenness of your breasts, and the coarse black hair on your legs. Daphne: Interesting... [to Martin] Is that the shoebox from under your bed, then? Martin nods. Lilith's mobile rings. Lilith: Excuse me. [into phone] Hello? Yes, Frasier. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Martin: [quickly] Hear what? He's still coming, isn't he? Lilith: [into phone] Yes, all right, all right. I'll meet you then, bye. [hangs up] Frasier can't make it. Martin: Oh... well, if you still want lunch, I got leftover meatloaf that's today or never. Lilith: Thank you, but I'll get something at the conference. [gets her coat] There's a bulimia talk today, and I'll wager that's one lecture hall with a snack machine outside. [goes to the door] Lovely to see you. Daphne: Bye-bye. Lilith leaves. Daphne turns, outraged. Daphne: Did you hear what she said about me? Niles: Yes. Daphne: That I've got a flat nose, uneven boobs, and bristly legs? I mean, are they really that bad? [stands and lifts her skirt to get a closer look] Martin: Not bad. Maybe a little cock-eyed, but with a heavy sweater you could... Daphne: I was talking about my legs! [then] Oh, forget about lunch. I'm just going to make a sandwich. She storms into the kitchen. Niles trails after her. Niles: Oh, no, hey... what about me? Daphne: Oh, have a banana. She tosses a banana at him. He grabs it against his chest, fumbling, and stumbles backwards over the kitchen table, knocking the shoebox onto the floor. BANG! The gun goes off, and everyone jumps. Daphne: [coming out] My God, what was that?! Niles: I think the banana went off. Martin: You knocked my gun on the floor. Is everyone all right? Niles: Daphne, are you all right? Daphne: Yeah, I'm fine. Niles: Dad, you okay? Martin: [picking it up] Yeah, I'm fine. I don't understand this. I thought the safety was on. Niles: [notices] Oh my God! It blew a hole through Frasier's chair! Exhibit A: there is a hole in one of the dining chairs. Martin gasps. Martin: [notices] And it shot the head off the statue! Exhibit B: the African figurine on the stereo cabinet has been decapitated. Martin picks up the head off the floor. Niles: [running over] Look what it did to the fireplace! Exhibit C: a ragged hole in the middle of a long crack in one of the tiles above the fireplace. Martin: Oh no, Frasier's going to kill me! Daphne: This is why I've been telling you to put the bloody thing in storage! Martin: Niles was the one who knocked it off the table! Niles: Well, accidentally, because I had a banana thrown at me! Daphne: To you, not at you! And you should know how to catch a banana! Niles: I am not having this argument again! Martin: If Frasier sees this, I'll never hear the end of it. You guys have got to help me fix things up before he gets home. Daphne: Forget it, old man. You're on your own. Martin: Oh yeah, well, if he kicks me out over this, I'm moving in with you. Daphne: [immediately] All right, what's the plan? Martin: You start calling upholsterers. Niles, get me some spackle. [Niles runs to the hallway] I'll see if I can Krazy Glue the head back on that thing. He goes to the desk to find the glue. Niles halts his run, and runs back to Martin. Niles: Dad, Dad... what's spackle? Martin rolls his eyes as he continues to look through the drawer. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Café Nervosa Lilith is having coffee with a colleague, Nancy. Lilith: Anyway, long story short, six months in, he tells me I'm "too tightly wound." Me. Nancy: Wow, I don't know what to tell you, Lil. Lilith: Lilith. My name is Lilith. Lilith's pager goes off. Lilith: Oh, my beeper. [reads it] Oh darn, they need me back at the conference. [gets up] Nancy: Okay, but listen, we all have bad dating experiences, so don't give up. Get out there, have fun, meet people. Lilith: You're right. Thank you, Nancy. You're a real pal. And the best survivor guilt and phantom limb expert in the game. Lilith walks out, passing Roz coming in the door. Lilith: Excuse me. Roz: Excuse me. Lilith: [stops] Roz... Roz? Roz: Yes...? Oh hi, Lilith. What are you doing in town? Lilith: Well, I'm here for a conference, and was supposed to meet Frasier here for coffee, but I'm afraid I have to leave. Will you tell him I'll call him later? Roz: Sure, no problem. Lilith: Thank you. Roz: Bye-bye. Lilith leaves, Roz goes to the counter. Roz: Can I have change for the meter? Barista: Only if you buy something. Roz: Oh, come on, I can't, I don't have time, the Meter Maid's coming. Barista: Sorry, can't do it. Roz: Well, someone doesn't want his tip very much. Barista: You haven't ordered anything. Roz: I meant the tip I gave you yesterday. She grabs a quarter out of the tip jar and runs back out, passing Frasier. Frasier: Oh hi, Roz. Roz: Hey, Frasier. [stops and turns back] Oh, um, Lilith had to leave. [exits] Frasier: Oh, damn! Again? He exhales and goes to the counter just as Nancy is doing the same. Barista: Can I help you? Nancy/Frasier: Yes.../Yes, I'd like to have... Frasier: Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Please, go ahead. Nancy: No, that's all right, you go. Frasier: No, I insist. After you. Nancy: We'll go together. What are you having? Frasier: All right, uh, a macchiato for here. Nancy: One macchiato for here, and a mocha Valencia to go, please. [to Frasier] Macchiato man. Don't meet many of those. Frasier: No, no, we're a, a rare breed. Spartan... rugged... Barista: [setting it on the counter] You like a dusting of nutmeg on that, right? Frasier: Just a sprinkle. [to Nancy] So, is this your first time here? Nancy: Yeah, I'm in town on business. First time in Seattle. Frasier: Oh well, then that entitles you to a complimentary beverage. These are on me. Nancy: Thank you. [gets an idea] Tell me, is there a Mrs. Macchiato? Frasier: [chuckles] No. Nancy: This may sound a little crazy, but would you be interested in having a drink later with a friend of mine? I think you might really hit it off. Frasier: Well, it sounds intriguing. Nancy: [writes her number on a card] I'm late for a meeting, but if you're game, let's just say 7:00 at the Marina Tavern. And if you change your mind, here's my number. Frasier: [takes it] All right, then. Nancy gets her coffee and exits. Roz re-enters. Frasier: Roz, have you ever been set up on a date with someone whose name you didn't know? Roz: Oh please, I've woken up with dates whose names I didn't know. [to the Barista] Cappuccino, please. What's going on? Frasier: Well, I just met this woman who's in town on business. She asked me to join a friend of hers for a drink at the Marina Tavern. Roz: Oh... well you know, there is no friend. The woman you met is the woman you're meeting. Frasier: Oh, that's what I thought. I wonder why she wouldn't give me her name? Roz: Well, when you're in town on business and you hook up with a stranger, no names is standard procedure. Frasier: I'm not sure that's something you want to admit knowing, Roz. Roz: I only know it from reading Erica Jong novels, okay? Frasier: I'm not sure that's something you want to admit either. She gives him a look as we FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene Four - Apartment Martin is carefully applying glue to the figurine, whose head has been replaced. As the door opens, he hides it with his arm, but it is only Daphne with a shopping bag. Daphne: I got the spackle. Niles is on a stepladder in front of the fireplace, examining the crack. Niles: Good, good, we'll fill in the crack, then my faux finisher can match the stone. Fabrizio is on his way to re-upholster. Dad, how are you doing? Martin: Great. This glue should hold it just fine. But your guys better get over here soon. Frasier's meeting Lilith after work at the café, which only gives us... Frasier: [o.s., from the hallway] Oh, hello, Mrs. Richman. Daphne: Shh! Frasier! As they rush to cover up the damage, the head teeters off the figurine. Niles yelps and grabs it, holding it in place. As Daphne throws herself into the damaged chair, Martin holds his arm over the crack and rests his hand on the wall. Frasier enters and takes in the scene: Niles resting a hand on the head of the statue, Daphne seated facing him, and Martin's arm high above his head on the wall - all three trying to look casual. Frasier: Hello, all. What's going on? Martin: Oh, just admiring the sunset. All three loll their heads toward the windows, looking out. Martin: I think it looks best over here, but Niles thinks it looks best over there. Frasier: Oh, really? [notices Niles's hand on the statue] Oh, Niles, have you changed your mind about my new statue? Yesterday you said it was sterile and unmoving. Niles: Oh, it's moving now. With his free hand he caresses the statue. Frasier: Well, I'd love to stay and gloat, but I have a very intriguing date for which I must get ready. Martin: Well, good luck with that. Frasier: Thank you, Dad. [notices another message] Oh, what's this? [presses button] Lilith: [on machine] Frasier, I'm just leaving the café. Sorry I missed you. Anyway, if you're available for a drink, I'm staying at the Harbor View. Call me. [beep] Frasier: Oh, dear... damn! I've got an exciting mystery date, and who should rear her head at the last minute but Lilith! Martin: Well, you know, if you leave right away, you'd probably have time for a quick drink with Lilith and then still make it for your date. Frasier: Good thinking, Dad! I can dispense with the pleasantries and be on my way! He runs down the hallway, and all three break their pose. Martin bows over in pain from being stretched upwards, while Niles- Niles: Help me, help me! The head is stuck to my hand! Daphne grabs his arm and rips the head loose, making him scream. As they converge in the middle of the room- Frasier: [o.s., coming back] You know, on second thought... They scramble to re-cover the exhibits. When Frasier comes in, Daphne's hand is on the statue, Martin is in the chair, and Niles has his arm flung up over the fireplace. All three are craning their necks to look out the window. Frasier: ...maybe I should invite Lilith here so that I can have more time to get ready. Martin/Daphne/Niles: No! Daphne: She's already been here once. You should go to her. Frasier: You're quite right - but, then, should I change or am I fine the way I am? Niles/Martin: Fine/Oh, hubba-hubba! Frasier: [gets his coat] Well then, I'll just see you all later. As he goes out the door, Martin starts to straighten up, but as Frasier turns around curiously, Martin leans back again. Niles: Dad, you're right, it's a much, much different sunset from here. Frasier, still a little puzzled, exits. [SCENE_BREAK] FIX UP MIX UP Scene Five - Lilith's hotel room Lilith is seated on the couch, wearing a nice evening dress and talking on her room's cordless phone. Lilith: [her usual flat monotone] Yes, of course I'm excited, Nancy. Can't you hear it in the timbre of my voice? Yes well, I'm afraid I might be a little bit late, I'm still waiting for my ex-husband. Knocking on the door. Lilith: Oh, there he is. Look, I'll get through this as quickly as I possibly can. Yes, all right, bye. She hangs up and opens the door to Frasier. Throughout the following dialogue, both are eager to leave and concealing it badly. Frasier: Hi, Lilith. [kisses her cheek] I'm sorry I'm late. Traffic was a bear. It's good to see you. Lilith: Likewise. Frasier: Anyway, I'm sorry about all the missed connections today, but at least we have a chance to catch up, however briefly. Lilith: Yes well, sometimes with old friends, five minutes is enough. Frasier: Ha! One minute! Lilith: So, care for a drink? Frasier: Not if I'm keeping you from something. Lilith: Well, actually, I do have a date this evening. Frasier: Oh, really? Lilith: Yes. A colleague of mine fixed me up. I'm sorry for dragging you over here when I have so little time to give you. Frasier: Not at all. Actually, I'm running late for a date myself. Lilith: I see. Well, why don't you run along? I wouldn't want you to keep Niles waiting. Frasier: [laughs] No. It is with a woman - a very vibrant, sexy woman. Lilith: Ah. Good for you. Frasier: Well, listen, if you're running late, and you need to cancel our drink... Lilith: No, no, no, I've canceled on you once already today... Frasier: Well, I canceled on you twice, that would make us even. Lilith: [pouring] That's why we're having the drink. Frasier: Ah. Lilith: Unless you're worried that your sexy date will leave if you're five minutes late. Frasier: Oh, no, not at all. My absence will only make her heart grow fonder. You mind if I use the bathroom? Lilith: Certainly. Frasier exits to the bathroom. CUT TO: Bathroom [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier sits down on the toilet and dials his mobile. Frasier: Please don't leave, please don't leave, please don't leave... [into phone] Hello? Miss Mocha Valencia? Yes, Macchiato Man here. Uh, listen, I'm glad I caught you. CUT TO: Nancy's hotel room. She is sitting on a couch reading some papers as she's taking Frasier's call. Nancy: Hi, where are you? The screen splits between Frasier on one side and Nancy on the other. Frasier: Uh well, something's come up and I'm afraid I have to- Nancy: Oh wait, I have another call. Frasier: Fine. Nancy switches lines. Nancy: Hello? The screen view shunts to the right, now putting Nancy on the left and Lilith (on her own cell phone) on the right. Lilith: Nancy, it's Lilith again. Listen, this thing with my ex-husband is taking a lot longer than I expected. But I will be there, I promise you. Nancy: Uh-oh. Lilith: What do you mean "uh-oh"? Nancy: Well, I'm on the other line with your date right now, and... I think he wants to cancel. Lilith: Before he's even met me? Well, uh... tell him I canceled on him first! Nancy: Okay. I'm really sorry about this, Lilith. [switches lines again] Switch left to Frasier and Nancy. Nancy: Hi. So, I'm afraid tonight's off. Frasier: Off? Nancy: Yeah, that was my friend. She had second thoughts. Frasier: Oh, really? Well, please tell your "friend" that I wasn't exactly bowled over by her first thoughts! He hangs up and stands up, before realizing- Frasier: I don't even know what that means. CUT TO: Hotel Room As Frasier comes out, Lilith holds out one of two glasses. Lilith: So what would you say to that drink? Frasier: I'd say, "don't get too comfortable in that glass." They chuckle as he takes the glass from her and they clink and sip. Frasier: Well, this is nice. Lilith: Yes, very. They sit in chairs at opposite ends of the table. They are still awkward with each other. Frasier: Freddy tells me he dissected a frog. Lilith: Yes, and a fetal pig. Of course, I made him do his homework first. Pause. Lilith's gaze wanders away. Frasier: Lilith, you seem preoccupied. Is this about your blind date tonight? Lilith: You could say that. Frasier: Well, for what it's worth, whoever this guy is... he'll feel awfully lucky when you walk through the door. Lilith: Thank you, Frasier - but I really shouldn't be keeping you from your date. Frasier: Oh, right. Well, I guess I should be going, yes. He stands and makes a show of reaching for his coat, but can't face an evening alone - though he can't yet confess the truth to her. Frasier: Although, you know, you are here for just one night. Perhaps I could call and push things back a bit? Lilith: Maybe I could delay mine as well. Frasier: Great. Lilith: All right. They each take out their phones, standing at opposite ends of the room. Lilith: What excuse are you going to use? Frasier: Oh, I'll just trot out my stand-by, it works every time. Simply say that I swerved to avoid hitting a Chihuahua, ran up on a curb and blew a tire. Lilith: [amused] This morning you said it was a Pomeranian. Frasier: [embarrassed] Well, this morning it was. But by now they are over the awkwardness and easy in each other's company. [SCENE_BREAK] THINGS THAT GO HUMP IN THE NIGHT Scene Six - Lilith's hotel room Frasier and Lilith are seated on the couch together, with drinks. They have been comparing track records. Frasier: So I'm in the middle of this date from hell, when Kenny walks in with his cousin, whom I'd passed on sight unseen. Turns out she's not only gorgeous, but her name is actually Miss Wright. Lilith: Okay, you win. Frasier: Mm-hmm. [N.B. See [11.05], The Placeholder] Frasier: Say, are there any more kettle chips in the mini-bar? Lilith: No. We can have either Gummi Bears or cashews, but I'm afraid we can't afford both. Frasier: Ah. They share a bemused smile. Then in the adjoining room they hear a door slam. Sean: [o.s.] Erin, would you stop? I don't even know what I did! Erin: [o.s.] Why do you always say that like you think it will help? Sean: Because when I guess, you get angrier! Frasier gets up and walks to the connecting door. Frasier: Boy, that takes you back, doesn't it? Lilith doesn't answer. Sean: What, did I forget to notice your hair? Erin: That's NOT why I'm mad. Frasier: You know, I'm just going to ask them to be quiet. Sean: I can't talk to you when you're like this. I'm going out. Erin: Sean, what are you doing? As Frasier reaches for the connecting door, it is flung open by Sean. Sean: [sees Frasier] Oh, uh... sorry. Erin: [appears behind him; scathingly] That's not the hall. Frasier: Yes, uh... it's all right. You see, we overheard your quarrel, and in the interest of keeping the peace and quiet, maybe we could offer some assistance. They both make noises of dismissal. Sean: No, it's okay, we can handle it ourselves. [turns away] Frasier: [in his element] Oh, can you, Sean? You don't even know what you did. They stop, uncertain. Frasier: Please, won't you come in? [they do, hesitantly] I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, this is Dr. Lilith Sternin. We are psychiatrists. Lilith: There's no need to be afraid. We are here to help. Erin: So what, you're like caped crusaders for mental health? Lilith: No, not caped. Frasier: Please, come and sit down. Sean and Erin sit together on the couch. Frasier and Lilith take a chair on either side of them. Frasier: All right then. What seems to be the problem? Erin: Uh... when we were at dinner, he was checking out another woman. Lilith: And you feel threatened by this? Erin: Shouldn't I? Frasier: Well, maybe. Shot in the dark here - your parents are divorced, Dad left Mom? Erin: [surprised] Yeah. How'd you know? Lilith: It's classic transference. Because your father and mother split up, you overreact whenever you perceive a threat to your current relationship. Frasier: [to Sean] And you, you care about this woman? Sean: Absolutely. Frasier: Then keep your eyes in your head! It bugs her, and it's bad form. Lilith: [to Erin] And if he should fail at this - which he will, he's a man - it does not mean he's going to leave you. Sean: Or that I don't love you. [Erin turns to him] Because I do. Erin: [melting] I know. I love you, too. They kiss tenderly. Sean: Wow! You guys are good. Erin: Yeah, that was amazing. So, do you two just have the best marriage ever? Frasier: Actually... Lilith: Yes... we do. Frasier and Lilith share a look. Sean and Erin stand up, euphoric. Sean: Well, uh, thank you! It was really nice meeting you. Frasier: [shaking his hand] Likewise, likewise. You seem like a really nice young couple, and I'm sure you'll understand if I lock the door. Good night. He sees them to the door and closes it after them. Lilith: Well done, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Back at you, Dr. Sternin. I'd suggest that we try a high-five, but I recall we attempted that once after a bridge victory and you scratched my cornea. Lilith: Well, I guess we shouldn't keep our dates waiting any longer. Frasier: Right. He picks up his coat again, and heads slowly for the door. Frasier: Good luck on your-your romantic adventure this evening. Don't you worry - you're going to knock his socks off... Lilith: [tired out] Frasier, I don't have a date anymore. He canceled. Frasier: You're kidding. Lilith: No. I was too proud to admit it to you. How pathetic is that? He gingerly pats her shoulder, still unwilling to fess up. Frasier: Well, there's no need to beat yourself up about it. Lilith: Come on, a fake phone call to "buy time"? Frasier: It's understandable. Just a face-saving gesture in the light of... Lilith: Oh my God, your date canceled on you too. Frasier: [caught] All right, yes. It's a banner day for both of us. [drops his coat] I tell you, all this lying has certainly worked up my appetite. You want to get some room service? Lilith: That might be nice. Frasier: Okay. She rises from her chair and sits next to him on the couch, as he opens the room service menu. Frasier: Certainly beats sitting alone, wondering what we missed out on this evening, hmm? From the next room they hear rhythmic pounding and loud moaning, as Sean and Erin celebrate being reconciled. Sean: [o.s.] Yes, yes, yes...! Erin: [o.s.] You big-bad-boy...! Frasier and Lilith sigh and study the menu. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Seven - Lilith's hotel room The morning sunlight is coming in. Frasier and Lilith are lying asleep on the couch, with her head resting in the crook of his arm. The remains of a gourmet meal and a bottle of wine are on the table before them, and the television is on. Frasier's jacket is off, but otherwise both are still dressed as before. They have not slept together, but have enjoyed a quiet, intimate evening. Lilith is the first to wake. Lilith: Frasier? Frasier: [wakes] Hmm? Hmm... oh! Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. Oh, I must have dozed off during the movie. Lilith: Me too. What time is it? Frasier: [checks his watch] Uh, it's almost six. Lilith: Six? I have a 7:30 flight. She gets up and starts straightening the room and gathering her things to pack. Frasier picks up his coat and goes to the door. Frasier: Right, right. Well, I'll just get out of your hair. Listen, Lilith, dinner was lovely last night. I had a great time. Lilith: Yes well, much better than those blind dates could have possibly been. Frasier: Absolutely. Well listen, have a safe trip and all that, and give Freddy a hug for me. Lilith: I will. Frasier: All right. He picks up his jacket and goes to the door. Frasier: You know, it's funny... Lilith: What? Frasier: Well, I was just thinking that if we had never met, we're exactly the kind of people that somebody might set up on a blind date. Lilith: You always were one for droll hypotheticals. Frasier: [chuckles] Ah, yes. It's amusing to consider though, you know? What would we think of each other if were just meeting now for the first time? Lilith: But if we hadn't met, we'd be different people now. Frasier: Ah, true. But then that raises many other questions. I mean, what sort of man would the non-Lilith Frasier be? What sort of woman...? Lilith: [coming over] Did I mention I have a plane to catch? Frasier: Of course. Frasier opens the door. Lilith: But you're right. It was a lovely evening. Frasier: We do have our baggage, don't we? But then sometimes that's what makes the trip so interesting. Lilith: With one hand the past moves us forward, and with the other it holds us back. They hug. Though they are no longer in love, they still share a bond as something closer than best friends. Frasier: Good-bye, Lilith. Lilith: Good-bye, Frasier. He calls the elevator. Lilith looks at him thoughtfully, but not regretfully, and closes the door. He looks back with the same expression, and then steps onto the elevator. END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Martin and Niles are playing catch with bananas. Martin makes a gentle underhanded throw, which Niles catches. He moves back a bit and throws another banana, and Niles nabs it with one hand. He cheers wildly at his success. Martin now decides to try it with a baseball. He tosses it gently. Niles bobbles it, and has to dive over Frasier's bookcase, knocking things down as he does. He holds on to the ball, however, and proudly raises it for Martin to see. Martin applauds his son's effort.	Plan: A: a psychiatric conference; Q: Why is Lilith in town? A: his obligation; Q: What does Frasier reluctantly assume to meet with Lilith? A: an interested colleague; Q: Who sets up Frasier on a blind date with Lilith? A: Martin's pistol; Q: What accidentally discharges inside the apartment? Summary: Lilith is in town for a psychiatric conference, and Frasier reluctantly assumes his obligation to meet with her. Before he does so, an interested colleague of Lilith's sets him up on a blind date with her, not knowing who he really is. Meanwhile, Martin's pistol accidentally discharges inside the apartment, creating a trail of destruction that he, Daphne and Niles try to hide from Frasier.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] It's dying. The Dark One can't die. But Rumplestiltskin can. Want to find who wrote this book and ask them to write me a happy ending. Now, then, it's time villains finally win. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Scarsdale - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (A knight rides his horse on TV. Isaac tries to sell a new TV to a couple.) Man: I don't know. Do we really need color? Isaac: "Do we really need color?" Do we need to settle for what came before? Don't you want to really see the world? It's a complicated place, and people are complex creatures. Their interior lives are painted with many different hues and shades. And the Zenith Marseille color TV... It brings the profound complications of the universe right into your living room. Man: Does it have a clicker? Isaac: What? Man: A clicker. Boss: You mean the space command remote? Why, that's included in the price, sir. Man: Now we're talking. Boss: Hey. Were you a ranger? Man: Damn right. 25th infantry division. You were in the service? Boss: You bet, 187th airborne, company "A." We heard a lot about your unit. You guys were real heroes. Tell you what... Why don't you take this out for a test drive, huh? See how it feels. [SCENE_BREAK] Boss: What the hell are you doing, Isaac? Huh? Rambling on about weird technical crap? Isaac: You're supposed to be selling. (I was.) Boss: No. No. You were sending them across the street to Gimbels. Now, I hired you because you said you wanted to be a writer. Isaac: I'm a writer. Boss: Stacks of rejected manuscripts in the break room don't count. But I figured you knew something about telling stories. That's how you sell. But now I get why you don't have a picture on the back of a book yet. You don't tell stories people want. (Isaac searches in the mails.) Isaac: Maybe that's about to change. [SCENE_BREAK] (Isaac enters in Star Publishing's office.) Isaac: Hello? The Apprentice: Over here. Isaac: Oh. I-I'm Isaac Heller. The Apprentice: Yes, I know who you are. Please... Take a seat. Isaac: Mm... I've never met a publisher before. I'm not sure exactly how this works. So, you want to publish a book. Is there a contract... The Apprentice: You may find that our organization does things a bit... Differently... Choose one. Isaac: Oh, actually, I'm more of an IBM Selectric kind of guy. The Apprentice: Choose one. Isaac: Okay. Okay. What is this? Some kind of signing bonus? The last time I got a fountain pen was for my bar mitzvah. The Apprentice: This is a test. We need to know what kind of writer you really are. Choose the one that calls out to you. (Isaac takes the quill.) Isaac: Uh... What the hell was that? The Apprentice: It is a sign... That you are to be our next Author. You see, the last one... Well... He just recently passed away. Isaac: Author of what? The Apprentice: There is much to explain. How would you like to take a trip? Isaac: I-I-I'm not so great with travelling. I-I've never been further than Scarsdale. The Apprentice: Yes, I know. But that is about to change. (The Apprentice makes appear a door.) The Apprentice: The time has come to stop selling televisions. The time has come to take on the most important job in all the realms. Isaac: What the hell? The Apprentice: You can see that? Isaac: I see it, but I don't believe it. The Apprentice: Actually, the fact that you can see it tells me that you do believe. Isaac: Believe in what? The Apprentice: In magic. I think it is time that you find your destiny. Come with me. All of your questions will be answered. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the library in the Sorcerer's mansion.) Regina: Nothing. They're all still blank. Whatever the Author is writing, it's not appearing in the books. This is useless. Robin: Easy. This is not your fault. Regina: Even so, tomorrow, thanks to Gold and the Author, I can wake up a talking frog. Hook: At least you'll wake up. I don't doubt whatever the Dark One has in store for me is a far worse fate. David: Well, there's no use speculating what he wants. We just need to stop it. And if there's nothing useful here, we need to move on, find something else that can help. August: I might know just the thing. David: August. I thought you didn't know anything more about the Author. Emma: He doesn't, but he knows someone who does. That's why I called him here. Mary Margaret: Who? August: The man who gave him his power... The Apprentice. I met him once when I was living in Phuket. He was the one who told me about the story book and that I should learn everything about it. David: If he was in Storybrooke, could you find him? August: Well, I haven't seen him. But... That's what he looks like. Hook: I know this man. Emma: You do? Hook: More importantly, I know exactly where to find him. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Apprentice's house.) Hook: I trapped him in there. I didn't know. Emma: It's okay. It was Gold, not you. Blue was in there. She can get him out. Hook: Don't you need the Dark One's dagger? Mother Superior: Well, not if I have something that belonged to The Apprentice. (The Mother Superior frees the Apprentice.) Emma: Are you... The Apprentice: Yes. And there is no time to waste. Isaac has abused his power for too long. The time has come to set... Things right. Regina: How? The Apprentice: By putting him back where he can't harm anyone... In the book. I will need the page with the painted door and the key. We shall return him to his prison. And this time, I would wager none of you will set him free again. The page. Henry: It's back in the loft. Emma: Mom, dad, Killian, watch Henry. If Gold's smart, he'll go after the page, too. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mr Gold's shop.) Mr Gold: Are you, uh... Close? Isaac: Hang in there, Dark One. Don't let that heart turn to coal just yet. You'll be fine. Better than ever. Mr Gold: Why help me? You have the quill now. You don't need me anymore. Isaac: We're a lot alike. We've both struggled mightily for happiness all our lives. You got power, became the Dark One, but you've never been the content one. I know what that's like... To always have dissatisfaction gnawing at you, watching other people's happiness bloom. It's time for a world where up is down, where villains can have happy endings. Mr Gold: And what does your ending look like? A castle? Treasure? Power? Isaac: In the enchanted forest? Do you think I like dysentery and a 40-year life expectancy? No, no, that's your world. I like room service and indoor plumbing. You're welcome to a happy ending in your land. I'll take one in mine. Mr Gold: Continue with the writing, if you please. Isaac: Of course. I-I just need one last detail. Your son... Baelfire. Mr Gold: Don't toy with me, scribe. Magic can't bring back the dead. Isaac: No. It can't. This quill and ink can only change a past it has created. Which is why I have to write your new story from this moment forward and into the future. But... In your new life, I can make you forget him. Mr Gold: No, never. I want my memories of him. But maybe with a... Slight adjustment. I would like a world where I remember doing right by my boy. Where he may be gone, but I can live with that loss. Where Bae sees me as a hero right at the end. Isaac: I think I can do that. And with that last piece, it's time to finish. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma, Regina and the Apprentice are walking to Mr Gold's shop.) [SCENE_BREAK] (David, Mary Margaret, Hook and Henry are looking for the door's page at the loft. Hook finds the story book.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Isaac finishes writing his story.) Isaac: "The end." (There are an earth quake and light.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry wakes up at the loft, he has the key.) Henry: Grandma? Grandpa! Hook! [SCENE_BREAK] (In the streets, everybody is gone.) Henry: Hello?! Hello?! Is anyone here?! Hello?! [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry comes in Mr Gold's shop. He stops the gramophone.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry leaves Storybrooke.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ On the road ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry parks the car and enters in a restaurant.) Waitress: Nice parking job. You old enough to drive? Henry: Yeah. Are you? I need some help. Have you seen any of these people? Waitress: Mm... No. No, I haven't. Henry: It's my family. Are you sure? Waitress: Look, why don't you wait here, and I can, um... I-I'll ask some of the others... Yeah, I've got someone here. Yeah, I-I think he's a runaway. (Henry takes his photos and sees the book "Heroes and Villains" on a sales stand.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ New York ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Isaac makes a speech.) Isaac: Thank you. Thank you very much! Please. Please, please. I-I-I'm not worthy... Someone once told me I don't tell stories people want. But I say, write what you're passionate about. That's what matters most. "Heroes and Villains" is close to my heart. It's been a passion project for longer than you would believe. I wrote it because I think folks are sick of heroes getting everything in these classic fairy tales. Hence, the radically different endings for Snow White, Prince Charming, and all the rest... Something different for a modern audience. What happens when villains win the day? [SCENE_BREAK] (Isaac signs books.) Isaac: Thank you... Thank you. Woman: Long live Regina. Please, can I give you a present... A little token of my love for the world that you've created? Regina... She's my favourite character. Isaac: She's a real doozy, isn't she? Woman: Her life is just so unfair. Is she gonna get a happy ending in the sequel? Please, you have to tell me. Isaac: Sure. I can tell you. She... Sorry. No spoilers. You'll have to buy the next book when it's finished. Woman: All right. (Henry puts the page's door on the table.) Isaac: What are you doing here? Henry: What did you do with my family? And where are they? Isaac: I, uh... I have no idea what you're talking about. Henry: Unh-unh. You're lying. Now, you know what this does, so you either give me some answers or I open this door again and you get a whole new ending. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the back stage.) Isaac: Okay. Much to the chagrin of my publicist, you have my undivided attention. Henry: Where's my family? Isaac: You really want to know? Look around you. They're all right there... In my best-selling book. Henry: What does that mean? Are they still alive? Isaac: Tut-tut-tut-tut-tut. Easy with the key, cowboy. Your family is fine. If you want to get technical... They're in here. See? The original copy of my book... The one that I always wanted to write. They all live in here now in kind of an alternate reality. Henry: You made them miserable. Isaac: I see that you've read some of my book. Good. Good. Then... Then you know that everyone got the ending they deserve. Except Emma, of course. You won't find her in the book. There was no room for a saviour in my world. Henry: Bring them back, or I use this. Isaac: Ch, ch, ch, ch, ch. I can't. I don't have the power. The cardinal rule of the Authors is "don't write your own happy ending." As you can see I broke that rule. So this... It's just a pen now. And me? Ohh. Well, I'm nothing more than a best-selling writer with legions of fans and a penthouse over central park. Henry: If you can't get them out, then give me the book and I will. Isaac: You? Do you know why you're still out here, kid? Because you're not from a magical world. So take it from me... You will never be a knight in shining armour. You're just a poor, innocent child who needs saving. So, why don't you put the key away and, uh, stick to the role you're best at? (Henry attacks Isaac and takes the book.) Isaac: Now what? You're gonna tear up the book? (Henry opens a door to get inside the book.) Isaac: Wait! Don't be stupid! (Henry and Isaac are sucked in the book.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry and Isaac appear in a village.) Henry: Unh! Cool. Isaac: Feel like a real hero now? Don't get used to it. (Isaac knocks out Henry.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry is tied.) Isaac: So, now we're both trapped in the book. Congratulations. Let me tell you about this place. It's cold, there's no running water, and things are always trying to kill you. Henry: Let me go! Isaac: Not a chance. This book we're in, it's worked out quite nicely for me. I don't need you running around changing things. This is my story. And no hero gets a happy ending. Henry: Why? Would that somehow destroy the book? That's what you're afraid of. Isn't it? Isaac: Doesn't matter. You brought us into the final chapter. How do you know? I know because I wrote it. And I know how it ends... With the loud tolling of bells at sunset. When you hear that sound, it'll mean we've reached the last page. The book will end, and everything will remain exactly how I wrote it. (An ogre arrives.) Isaac: There we are. Right on time. Henry: What is that? Isaac: Oh, the inciting incident of this chapter... An ogre attack. And you know what they say... You don't have to be faster than the ogre. You just have to be faster than the next guy. Henry: Wait! Help! Help me! (A knight arrives and defeats the ogre with magic.) Woman: The monster is dead. The ogre slayer saved us! Thank you. If there's anything my family and I can do to repay you... Rumplestiltskin: Good deeds have their own reward. This comes with no price. (Rumplestiltskin unties Henry.) Rumplestiltskin: Are you all right, boy? What's your name? Henry: Uh, Henry. Rumplestiltskin: I am Rumplestiltskin, a knight at your service. Do you have any family around here? Henry: Y-yeah. I think so. Yeah. Rumplestiltskin: Then I suggest you run home for your supper, Henry, because I... I have another village to save. [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry is walking into the wood.) Henry: "Many deadly traps were set to protect the forest hideaway, a pit trap under the cedar tree... a falling log hung just beyond... and finally, at the center of the willow forest, there was a rustic version of... Home." (Henry sees a stump.) Henry: Hello? Is anyone here? Regina: Turn around slowly. Who are you? What do you want? Henry: My name's Henry. And I'm your son. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the village.) Isaac: Come on, Henry. Please be dead. Please be dead. Please be dead. I should have remembered. I wrote the book. The ogre slayer. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the stumps.) Henry: But I'm telling you... Regina: That we're trapped inside a book? Henry: Yeah. Regina: And I'm supposed to live in a place called Maine? Where I became your adopted mother after someone named Emma gave you up? Henry: Come on, mom. You can remember. Regina: Well, now that I think about it... This does make me wonder one thing. Who sent you? (Regina threats Henry with a knife.) Henry: Mom, please. Nobody sent me. Regina: Stop calling me that! Are you working for the queen? Henry: No. I'm trying to help you. Regina: Help me what? Henry: Find your happy ending. In my world, we called it "Operation Mongoose." Regina: That is a very silly name. Henry: Well, it was your idea. Regina: You actually believe this. So you're crazy. Henry: I'm not, and I can prove it. This is a copy of the book we're trapped in. Regina: Let me see... This... This says I'm... Going to rob a royal tax carriage today to buy passage out of the kingdom... How did the book know all that? It can see my future? Henry: Something like that. Regina: Then I don't want any part of it. (Regina throws the book into the fire.) Henry: No! (Henry saves the map.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Into the woods.) Regina: Don't follow me! Whatever world you think you're from, go back there. Henry: I can't... Not until you find true love. Regina: Then you're stuck. Never gonna happen for me. Henry: His name is Robin Hood. I-I think the only way for us to escape this book is for you to find him in a tavern and kiss him. True love's kiss... It can fix anything. Regina: Wow. You are crazy. If I ever meet Robin Hood in person, the only thing he gets is a broken nose. Henry: Wait... What are you talking about? Regina: He's my competition. Every robbery I plan, he beats me to it. He's the reason I'm stuck in this kingdom. Why am I still talking to you? Henry: 'Cause I'm your son. Regina: Look, kid. If you read about me in that book, you know I got to go. The queen wants me dead. She thinks I ruined her life. Henry: Did you? Regina: Yes. So... If it's happy endings you're after, look someplace else. [SCENE_BREAK] (Into the woods.) Isaac: Henry! Where'd you go? Come on out! I can help you! (The seven dwarves trap Isaac.) Isaac: Oh, no. Not these guys. Grumpy: Welcome to the queen's woods, trespasser. Isaac: Don't kill me! Don't kill me! Don't kill me!! No, don't kill me!! No, no!! (Grumpy frees Isaac.) Isaac: Unh! Grumpy: Search him. Isaac: No. No. No! Happy: Oh, goody. Look at this. Grumpy: "Long live Regina"? So, you're a trespasser and a traitor. Isaac: That's not mine. I... Grumpy: Hi-ho, boys. It's off to work we go. [SCENE_BREAK] (Grumpy brings Isaac to Snow White in her castle.) Snow White: You... Speak. Grumpy: We found him in the queen's woods, your majesty... With this. Snow White: "Long live Regina"? Not very likely... Although, she'll certainly live longer than you... Now, what do we remove first? Your fingers? Or your ears? Isaac: No removing. Please. I-I hate Regina as much as you do. I'm on your side. Snow White: Technically, you're at my feet. Isaac: We want the same thing... To keep everything in this realm exactly how it is, with you in charge. A boy just arrived in this land. He fancies himself a hero. He wants to take away everything you have. Somebody has to stop him. Snow White: Get in here! Isaac: Finally... Someone listens to me. (Charming arrives.) David: No need to yell, Snow. I will always find you. Snow White: I'm sorry... You will always find me, what? David: I will always find you, your majesty. Snow White: Mm! That's better. Now, will you please help me with something? Remove his head. David: Of course, your majesty. Isaac: No, no, no! You don't understand! I can help you! I know things! I know who Snow White really loves! Ah. Aah. David: What did you say? Isaac: You had a twin brother... James. He was the one who snow truly loved... Before the tragedy. Grumpy: Want me to kill him, your majesty? Save you both the trouble? Snow White: Let him speak. How do you know this? Isaac: A magical book told me everything about this land. James was cruel... Like you. You understood each other. You fell in love. It was everything. But then, because of Regina, he died. So you took Charming's heart and you forced him to be yours, but it never satisfied you. He's just a pale imitation of his brother. It's a sad story. But it can still have a happy ending. Snow White: How? Isaac: I know exactly where to find Regina. Revenge can be yours. Snow White: And what is it that you want in return... Aside from your life? Isaac: The boy I told you about... Henry... He'll be trying to help Regina. I want you to kill them both. Snow White: Gladly. [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina attacks a carriage into the woods.) Regina: Unh! Snow White. Snow White: Surprised to see me? Charming, disarm her. Regina: Ohh! Snow White: I've waited so long for this moment. Your head is going to look lovely in my trophy room. Regina: Please, Snow. How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? Snow White: Once more... From your grave. Regina: I didn't know what would happen to James. I was a child. I was only trying to help you. Snow White: You broke a promise. Because of your poor, poor judgment, my true love is dead. (Snow White is about to rip Regina's heart.) David: Your majesty, before you rip her heart out, perhaps you should ask her about the boy. Snow White: So, you do have a brain somewhere in that pretty head. Where's the boy? Where... Is... He? Regina: When does this end, Snow? This blood feud... When does it stop? Snow White: When I've killed you and every one of your followers. Regina: You lost one happy ending. And I'm sorry for that, but... All this killing will only bring more hatred into your life, and all you'll be left with is a hole in your heart... And no hope of ever finding true happiness. Snow White: You... Know nothing of my happiness. (Snow White makes a fire ball.) Regina: Unh! (She's about to kill Regina when Robin casts an arrow and stop Snow White.) Robin: Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Come on! (Regina runs away with Robin.) Robin: Milady. Hyah! Regina: I had the situation under control. Robin: A simple "thank you" would suffice. Hyah! [SCENE_BREAK] (Robin and Regina enters in a pub.) Regina: I told you I didn't need rescuing. Robin: Believe me, I'm already questioning helping the competition. Regina: Competition? Robin Hood? Robin: Well, I'm not friar tuck. Now hold still, please, milady. Regina: Why? Robin: Because this may sting a little. Now sit down before you pass out. Regina: I'm fine. It's just a scratch. Robin: What's that? Regina: Your cut. Robin: You still can't say "thank you," can you? Regina: Thank you. Robin: And thank you. So, to... New friends and old rivals... What is it? Regina: Just thought you'd be... Dirtier. Robin: Well, thank you. I'll choose to take that as a compliment. Regina, while we may never have met, I always admired your skills... I'm getting out of this game, and I have a proposition for you. I'm in search of someone to take my place as leader of the merry men. Regina: Oh. I'm flattered, but... Can't accept. This forest isn't the place for me anymore. Robin: Well, that's a shame. Regina: So, what's driving you out of the business? Robin: Have you ever met someone that you would change your entire world for? Someone whose eyes you just knew you were born to gaze into? Regina: Uh... Robin: I have. And that's why I can't be a thief anymore. It wouldn't be fair to my new bride. Regina: Bride? Robin: Well, she will be when we marry later today. (Zelena comes in.) Zelena: Hello, darling. Robin: Mm. Zelena: So, who's this? Robin: Regina, I'd like you to meet my fiancée. This is Zelena. Zelena: I just can't believe I'm finally meeting the bandit Regina. Regina: Thank you, but I should go. Zelena: Oh, w-well, why don't you stay for the ceremony? I mean, it'll be a simple affair, but... We'd love to have you there, wouldn't we, darling? Robin: Of course. It would be our honour. Regina: O-oh, I... I should try to get a head start on Snow White. I'm sure she has the entire black guard looking for me... Thank you... For saving my life... Congratulations again. Both of you. (Regina leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Outside the pub.) Henry: Mom! Regina: You have to stop calling me that. How do you keep finding me, anyway? Henry: I figured if my plan worked, you'd be in Sherwood forest with Robin Hood. Regina: I hate to break it to you, but Robin's already found his true love. And they're getting married... Today. Henry: No, no, no. T-this is all wrong. That's Zelena, your siste... [SCENE_BREAK] (In the streets.) Henry: Wait. You have to listen to me. Regina: I heard enough. I don't have a sister. My mother abandoned me when I was a baby. Henry: No, your mother abandoned Zelena. Everything's flipped. This must be Zelena's happy ending. Regina: Look, I have to go. And you should, too. Snow White's looking for you. Henry: Wait. You can't tell me that you didn't feel anything when you met Robin Hood... See? That's proof. He's your true love. Regina: No. It's proof that I'm not the kind of person that gets a happy ending. I'll never have true love. But you... You gave me the worst thing you can give anyone. Hope. Now, I'd like to get far enough away that I don't have to hear Robin and Zelena's wedding bells proclaim their love. Henry: Wait... Did you say "wedding bells"? Regina: Yes. Now please let me be. Henry: The bells... From the end of the book. That's what he was talking about. Those bells... This wedding... It's our last chance to stop this from becoming real forever! Regina: It already is real. Henry: Not yet. We have to stop this wedding. Regina: Look... You seem like a nice boy. And clearly, you believe all this... Nonsense. But didn't you say I was your adopted mother? That you have another mother out there, named, uh... Emma? So, if you want help, maybe you should start by finding her. Henry: I tried. She wasn't in the book. And if she were, believe me, you'd know. She's the most powerful sorceress there is. Regina: The only sorceress in this land is Snow White. Henry: She's more powerful than her. She has, uh, special magic. Regina: Special magic? Henry: In our world, she was called "the saviour." Regina: Never heard of her. Henry: Mom. No, I know that face. What aren't you telling me? Regina: There were rumours once of a woman who called herself that. The saviour. Henry: Isaac lied. He couldn't write her out of the story. Where can I find her? Regina: You can't. Snow White locked her up years ago. No one has set eyes on her since. The prison she's in is impenetrable. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Tower ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma is locked in the tower on an island.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest ] [SCENE_BREAK] (The Light One goes back to his home.) Boy: Look! It's him! [SCENE_BREAK] (Rumplestiltskin comes in his house.) Rumplestiltskin: Belle! Belle: Sounds like someone else wants to celebrate your return. Rumplestiltskin: And how is the newest member of our dear family? Isaac: With any luck, he'll grow up to be just like dear old dad. Rumplestiltskin: Belle. You didn't tell me we had a visitor. Isaac: Name's Isaac. I was travelling through your village, when your wife invited me in to slake my thirst. Mm. Not to be too picky, but the water tastes a little murky. Belle: Oh. I'll get some that's fresh from the well. (Belle gets out.) Rumplestiltskin: You didn't come here for the water. Isaac: Perceptive in all worlds. Good. Yes. I came here to warn you. Your happiness is in danger. Rumplestiltskin: From what? Isaac: A boy. He's on a mission to help the bandit Regina. If he succeeds, everything you have will be destroyed. Not to mention what I have. Rumplestiltskin: Ha! What nonsense. How can some stranger's actions affect my life? Isaac: Because your happiness, your entire life... It's not real. I know because I am the one who created it... With magic. And it is all about to crumble. Regina's true love is about to marry another. She's going to try and stop the wedding. You cannot let her succeed. You have to kill her. Rumplestiltskin: Demon! You've been sent here to try to corrupt me. Isaac: You have already been corrupted. Before all of this, you were a villain... Maybe the worst one of all. Which is why you had me use magic to rewrite your story. Look, I can prove it to you. I-I know things... The secrets that you've kept from Belle, the ones about your first son... Baelfire. Rumplestiltskin: Where did you hear that name? Isaac: In this story, he was killed in the ogre wars despite your heroic efforts. But in reality, he died because of your cowardice. Rumplestiltskin: No, no, no. I... I protected him. I did my best. I... I was honourable. Isaac: No. You weren't. He died because of you. Rumplestiltskin: Liar! Get out of here... Now. Isaac: All right. I'll go. But deep down, you know I'm right. You're not really a hero. And if you don't kill Regina and keep her from her happy ending, then everyone, including Belle, will know, too. I know you'll make the right choice, Rumple. You always do. [SCENE_BREAK] (On the Jolly Roger.) Henry: Ahoy! Is anyone here?! Hook: Careful, boy. No one steps aboard the Jolly Roger's decks without an invitation from its captain first. Henry: Are you gonna make me walk the plank? Hook: All depends on why you're here. Henry: I need a ship to take me to the bottomless sea. Hook: Now, those are treacherous waters. There must be something of great value there to be worth taking the risk. Henry: "Someone." Her name is Emma. She's my mom. And she was put there by the queen. Hook: Well, then, I'm sorry for you. Even if I wanted to, I can't help you. Henry: Why? You're a captain. Can't you take your ship wherever you want? Black Beard: A captain? Is that who he says he is? I thought I told you to be done swabbing the decks when I return. Hook: I'm sorry, captain Black Beard. Henry: Wait... He's the captain? Black Beard: Indeed. Unless deckhand Hook wants to keep playing pretend. What do you say, Hook? Beat me, and the Jolly Roger is yours. Or are you still a one-handed coward? Henry: What are you doing?! Stand up to him! You can beat him. Hook: I'm afraid you don't know me very well. I'm sorry. I can't help you. Henry: Then I'll have to help you. (Henry cuts a rope and a pulley knock out Black Beard.) Black Beard: Ugh! Hook: What the bloody hell are you doing?! Henry: Getting you your ship back. Come on. Let's dump black beard and go. Hook: You think it's that easy? I can't sail the Jolly Roger alone. Henry: I can help. Hook: How do you know how to sail a ship? Henry: I had a great teacher... You. [SCENE_BREAK] (On the see.) Henry: Look! We found it! Hook: There's a black knight standing guard. Henry: Only one. We can take him out. Hook: Well, you perhaps you hadn't noticed, but I'm a deckhand, not a soldier. Henry: Then maybe we don't need to fight. [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook brings Henry to the black knight as a prisoner.) Hook: I'm here on official business for the queen, delivering a dangerous prisoner from the kingdom of Kashyyyk. (Henry hits the black knight.) Hook: Well done, lad. Henry: The Wookiee prisoner gag... It always work. Hook: The what? Henry: Never mind. Lock the guard in the cell. I'll be back with my mom as soon as I can. Hook: What... [SCENE_BREAK] (In Emma's cell.) Henry: Hi. My name is... Emma: Henry. Henry: Mom? Emma: Henry. Henry: You... You remember. Emma: I knew you'd find me. (Emma hugs Henry.) Henry: I don't understand. How do you remember when no one else does? Emma: Must have been part of Gold's plan. My punishment in this world is that I know the truth but I'm powerless to do anything about it. In this world, I'm no longer the saviour. I've got no magic. Henry: That's all right. I think I know what to do. Now, come on. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma crashes into Hook.) Emma: Oh! Oh! Henry: Uh, Killian, this is my mom. Mom, Killian. Hook: Uh... Yeah, um... Pleasure. Emma: Yeah. Right. Look, we need to... Get going. We've got a wedding to stop. [SCENE_BREAK] (On the sea.) Emma: Thank you for your help, Killian. Hook: Uh, yeah, of course. I'm pleased you regained your, uh, your freedom. Emma: Me too. Unfortunately, it's not gonna last unless we put some distance between that tower and us before the guard wakes up. Hook: Why? Emma: Because that was not any ordinary black knight. Her name is Lily. She's dangerous. Hook: I don't understand. What's the problem with Lily? (The dragon blows up the tower.) Emma: Henry, get below now! I need you to load the cannon with a chain shot. Come on! Now! (Hook prepares the canon.) Emma: Hold your fire till I tell you! Lily, over here! Hey! Come on, Lily! Come on! (The dragon arrives.) Emma: Now! (Hook shoots and the dragon eats the canon ball. She falls under the see.) Hook: That was close. Cheers. You did it. Emma: We did it. What is that? Hook: It's goat's milk. Emma: Where's your rum? Hook: I'm allergic. Never touch the stuff. Emma: Of course you are. Hook: Can I ask you a question? You trusted me with your life just now. Why? Emma: It's complicated. Might take a while. Hook: My schedule's pretty clear. Emma: Okay. Let's first work on your fighting skills. Then we've got to help Regina stop that wedding. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Dark Castle.) Snow White: Where is Regina's heart? No one? And what of the child? Surely you imbeciles aren't all stupid enough to report back here empty-handed. David: Actually, your majesty, they are exactly that stupid. Grumpy: We would have caught the bandit if Blue and her gaggle of uglies hadn't laid a trap of dark fairy dust, paralyzing our axes. Granny: Always blaming the fairies. Maybe you should try and take responsibility for once, dwarf. Grumpy: You mangy, flea-infested wolf. I should get a muzzle... Snow White: Silence. We aren't here to fight. We're a team. Grumpy: So you're not... Mad? Snow White: Of course not. It's not your fault. It's mine. You see, I am your leader, and I have to lead by example. We have to go to extreme lengths to succeed. And to do that... I have to show you how. I have to motivate you. (Snow White rips Doc's heart and kills him.) Doc: Aah! Snow White: Well, now you're down to six. Do you want to make it five? Find Regina and the boy and kill them. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the street.) Hook: You're telling me that... In this other reality, I'm an expert with such a weapon? Emma: You're a regular Jack sparrow. Hook: Is that good? Emma: Here. Let me show you how to use it. Hook: What: Oh. Emma: They say once you become an expert, your subconscious takes over. Hook: Ah. Emma: Back in my world, that's what we call muscle memory. Hook: Tell me more about this reality you want to return to. Us, for example. I sense that we, uh... We may be close. Emma: Very. Hook: Really? Well, I'm starting to get jealous of the other me. Emma: Let's see what food Henry's discovered. I'm starving. Lily: There they are. It's as I told you, my queen. The one-handed pirate was helping them. And the boy was with them, as well. Grumpy: Tell us where the child is hiding! (Grumpy attacks Hook.) Emma: Hey! Back off, dwarf! Or they'll change your name to "stumpy"! Snow White: I know you. You're... Emma. The mad hag who was locked in the tower. I almost didn't recognize you out of your chains. Emma: You're the one that's hard to recognize... Both of you. This isn't who you are. Snow White: Tell me... Who are we? Emma: You're my parents. I'm the product of your true love. You taught me how to be a hero, you taught me how to believe in hope. And I do. And now I need you to believe in it, too. Snow White: You're right. Emma. Hope is a very powerful thing. Which is why I'm going to have to snuff it out of you and that awful son of yours. Kill them. David: Wait! There he is. Snow White: My, my. I am going to enjoy watching him die in front of his mother. Hook: Save Henry. Emma: Killian, you can't beat them. Hook: If I can help return things to how they were meant to be, then what happens to me here won't matter, will it? Now go. Save your boy. David: Is she worth your life, pirate? Hook: I'm willing to find out. (David attacks Hook and Hook wins.) Hook: What do you know? I'm a natural. (Snow White approaches.) Hook: Hey! What about you, your majesty? Shall I make quick work... (David stabs Hook.) Emma: No! David: I never did like pirates. Henry: Mom! We have to get out of here! Mom! (Hook dies. Snow White casts a fire ball and Emma and Henry runs away.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At Rumplestiltskin's home.) Belle: What... What's wrong? Rumplestiltskin: I've just learned... Of a threat to our realm. If left unchecked... It'll destroy all that we've built together. All our happiness. Belle: But you're the Light One. Whatever this force is, you'll overcome it. Rumplestiltskin: It's more complicated than that. Eliminating this threat means I have to make a difficult choice. And if I make the wrong one... Belle: But... You won't. You never do. You're a hero, Rumple. Rumplestiltskin: Yeah, but what if I'm not? Belle: Here. Things never seem quite as bleak after a cup of tea. (Rumplestiltskin lets the tea cup fall.) Rumplestiltskin: Belle, I'm so sorry. Belle: It's all right. It's fine. See? It's just chipped. We can fix it. Rumplestiltskin: I'm not so sure it's as simple as that. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the stump.) Henry: Mom! I knew you'd still be here. Regina: You again? Listen, I-I don't have time for stories. I need to hit the road before the Evil Queen has my head. Henry: Wait. I brought someone else this time. Maybe you'll listen to her. Emma: Regina. Regina: Let me guess... You're his other mother. Emma: Emma. Regina: I have to give you credit. Breaking her out of that tower couldn't have been easy. Emma: Henry, can you give us a minute? Henry: Sure. Regina: You know, your son can use some reining in. He's been running around the forest, getting into trouble, spouting nonsense. Emma: Regina, everything he said about this reality... It's all true. Regina: I doubt that. I don't know why I'm wasting my time with a madwoman who... Calls herself the saviour. Emma: Because I can help. Your happiness is still a possibility. Your first step is going after the man you love. Regina: My happy ending isn't a man. Emma: Of course not. But love is a part of all happiness, and you have to be open to that. Go to Robin Hood. All you have to do is tell him how you feel. Regina: Oh, is that all? You forgot to mention the part where I'd have to crash his wedding. Emma: What does your heart tell you? Regina: I know what my heart says. But what if his doesn't say the same thing? Emma: Isn't that a risk you're willing to take? I just watched the man I love die. Regina: I'm... I'm sorry. That's horrible. Emma: The worst part is that I never told him I loved him. Not once. I was too scared. Too scared that... Somehow, saying it would make it real... And change everything. But now I'll never have a chance to take that next step with him, because he's gone. My only chance with him is if you don't make the same mistake I did. [SCENE_BREAK] (Zelena enters in the church.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Outside the church.) Henry: We haven't heard the wedding bells yet. There's still time. [SCENE_BREAK] (Zelena walks to Robin.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Outside the church.) Regina: I don't even know what to say to him. Emma: I think, in this case, actions speak louder than words. Henry: Once you and Robin share true love's kiss, everything should be great again. Regina: Okay. What? Emma: You don't remember this, but I promised you once I'd help you find your happy ending. Just glad I'm here to see it. You got this, Regina. Rumplestiltskin: I'm afraid none of you are crashing this wedding... Dearies. Emma: Go. I got the Dark One. Rumplestiltskin: "Dark One"? I'm afraid you have the wrong name, dearie. Emma: We'll see about that. Regina, go! (Emma and Rumplestiltskin are fighting.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina opens the church's door.) Pastor: Let all who have gathered here... [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Rumplestiltskin are still fighting.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina watches the wedding.) Pastor: Do you, Zelena, take Robin to be your lawfully wedded husband? Zelena: I do. [SCENE_BREAK] (Rumplestiltskin defeats Emma.) Henry: Mom! (Henry takes the sword.) Rumplestiltskin: Out of my way, boy. Henry: You have to get through me to get to her! [SCENE_BREAK] (At the wedding.) Pastor: And do you, Robin, take Zelena to be your lawfully wedded wife? (Robin sees Regina.) [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: Go! You have to stop that wedding! (Rumplestiltskin defeats Henry.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At the wedding.) Zelena: Robin? [SCENE_BREAK] (Outside the church.) Henry: You won't hurt me. You're supposed to be a hero here. Rumplestiltskin: And that's exactly why I must do this... To ensure I remain one. (Rumplestiltskin is about to kill Henry but Regina protects him and is hurt.) Regina: Unh! Henry: Mom. Rumplestiltskin: It's done. (Rumplestiltskin leaves.) Henry: Mom? Emma: Regina? Henry: Mom. Why didn't you go into the church? Regina: I... I couldn't let you die. (The bells rings.) Emma: We're at the end of the book. We're not gonna be able to change anything now. (Robin and Zelena gets out the church. Robin sees Regina is hurt and runs to her.) Robin: Regina? Regina! Zelena: Robin? What's going on? Oh! Oh, now I've got blood on my dress! Robin: Can't you see she's injured? Zelena: This is supposed to be my day! And she's ruined it! (Zelena turns green and runs away.) Robin: It's okay. You're gonna be all right. Regina: No. No, I'm not. Henry: o. Robin: At least I can promise you... You won't die alone. Isaac: Too little, too late. (Emma punches Isaac.) Emma: Then you're gonna change things. Return them to the way they were. Bring back Hook. Save Regina. Isaac: I can't. I'm not The Author anymore. I can't change a thing. (Henry takes the quill.) Emma: Whoa. Kid, what the hell? Isaac: No. Emma: What's happening? Isaac: He's the next Author. Henry: I-I can feel it. Emma: Henry. Fix it. Write everything the way it was. Isaac: Without ink, he's not writing anything. Emma: My blood. It was supposed to work last time. Henry: Yes, when mixed with darkness, but you're not the saviour here. Because of him. But that doesn't mean we didn't find one. And in this world, we don't need a dark saviour. We need a light one. Hold on, mom. Isaac: No, don't! Emma: Henry, do it! (Henry takes Regina's blood and writes.) Henry: "Thanks to the hero Regina's sacrifice, Isaac's villainous work was undone." [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina wakes up in the street of Storybrooke.) Regina: Henry? You did it. (Regina hugs his son.) Henry: No, mom. We did. (Robin arrives and hugs Regina. Henry runs to Emma.) Henry: Mom! Emma: Henry. (She hugs Henry.) Emma: Hook. (She runs to her apartment.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Charming Family's loft.) Emma: Where is he? Where's Hook? David: Uh, h-he was there... Right before we got dragged away. Emma: Everyone reappeared where they were before this whole mess started... No. Hook: Yeah, sorry about the mess. I really needed to find that book, and I'm usually a bit tidier. Emma: Killian. (Emma hugs Hook.) Hook: Oh! (They fall on the bed.) Hook: How many times do I have to tell you, love? I'm a survivor. Look, I didn't mean to cause any panic. I awoke moments before your parents and came up here, looking for your boy. Emma: He's fine. Henry's fine. I'm just... Glad you are, too. Hook: What is it? Emma: When I... Watched you die... I was afraid I was never gonna get a chance to tell you something. Hook: Tell me what? Emma: That... I... Want to thank you for sacrificing yourself. Henry and I wouldn't have succeeded without you. Hook: Of course, love. It's all in a day's work for a hero. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mr Gold's shop.) Mr Gold: No. W-w... Wait a minute. Where are you going? Isaac: Sorry... Can't risk that bum ticker of yours slowing me down. He's all yours, lady. (Isaac runs away and Belle enters in the shop.) Mr Gold: Belle. You came back for me. Belle: I came back to make sure you weren't going to try to hurt anyone else. Mr Gold: No, Belle. Y-you don't understand. I only did what I... I thought was... Belle: Rumple? Rumple?! [SCENE_BREAK] (Isaac drives away but he's stopped by Mary Margaret and David. They arrest him.) Isaac: Wait. I need to see... David: Not on that list? No best-seller, no fans, no awards. Isaac: It's all gone. My life. Mary Margaret: I need to know. Years ago, you set us on a path to hurt Maleficent and her daughter. David: Why'd you want to hurt us so badly? Isaac: The truth, "Charming"? It's not you, but who you represent. You remind me of a boss that I once had. David: One bad boss started all this? Isaac: A lifetime of bad bosses... Of people like you, who fancy themselves heroes, pushing around people like me. It was my turn to win. To be the hero. Mary Margaret: But you became a villain. 'Cause that's what villains do... They make themselves happy at the expense of others. But it just makes them more unhappy. I know what it is to feel your heart go dark. And that... That isn't something to idolize. It's something to pity. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Regina's office.) The Apprentice: It is tempting, is it not? The power of the quill? Henry: I-I just keep thinking... Maybe I could use it just one more time... To bring back my dad. The Apprentice: Henry... Not even an Author can bring back the dead, no matter how much they might wish it. Henry: But Hook was dead, and then I brought him back to life... The Apprentice: Hook's death was never real. That was a fiction created by Isaac. And now, thanks to you, that fiction has been erased. You see? All gone. But your father, Baelfire, died in the real world. And that, sadly, can never be undone. The best way to show your love for those that are gone is to tell their stories. Now, this book, these stories... Can never be erased, because... They are more than stories. They are the truth. And the truth is what you must write. I hope that you can resist the temptation of the quill. The power to change reality is only outweighed by the cost. (Henry breaks the quill.) Henry: No one should have that much power. The Apprentice: It would seem that, this time, we have found the right person for the job. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mr Gold's shop.) Belle: Hey. What's happening? Mr Gold: It's my heart. The last human fleck of red... Is disappearing. Belle: Your ability to love. Mr Gold: At least, in the end... I got one last taste. We were happy in there. We were in love. Belle: I was already in love. Everything we had in the book, you... You could have had here. You could have been a good man with a good marriage for real. Why wasn't it good enough? Mr Gold: Because I didn't believe it. Who could ever love me? Belle: I knew what I was getting, Rumple. I-I wasn't going to pull back. Mr Gold: But I made you do just that. There's a whole world out there, Belle, for you. Go with Will. Belle: I don't love Will. And I'm not letting you die alone. Mr Gold: Go far away. When the man is gone... Only the Dark One remains. And that is more... That's more dangerous than... You can ever imagi... Aah! Belle: Rumple! Rumple! [SCENE_BREAK] (There is a party at Granny's diner.) Robin: Hello. So, not to puncture the party, but did you check on Zelena? Regina: Still locked up, still pregnant. But that's something we'll be able to deal with. Robin: Together. So, Will is looking after Roland. Perhaps I could take you for a walk in the moonlight? Regina: Perhaps. (They leaves.) David: I didn't mean to kill you. Though, to be fair, I didn't have a heart. Mary Margaret: So it's my fault? What I think he means to say is... We are sorry. Hook: Eh, you don't need to be sorry. Although I do intend to hold it over your heads for a very long time. Emma: I think we both know what happened in that world was not real. Although, seeing you guys as real villains made me sorry for holding a grudge against you for so long. Give me a second. (Emma goes to Lily.) Emma: Hey. What's up? Something wrong? Lily: Do you remember this? Emma: Yeah. I nearly got hepatitis stealing it back from your boyfriend's rat-infested place. Lily: It's a piece of the egg I was hatched from. It's also the only clue I have as to who my father is. Emma: Have you asked your mother? Lily: She doesn't know, either. Emma: What? Lily: It's a dragon thing. You know, it... Happened in dragon form. Emma: Do you want to find him? Lily: Do you mind if I stick around Storybrooke and look? Emma: I think that'd be great. (Belle enters.) Belle: Rumple -his heart. He said it's almost gone. And, uh... He said we're in danger. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mr Gold's shop.) Hook: He tried to use the hat to free himself from the dagger. The Apprentice: This is not unlike that. We're pulling the darkness from him and containing it. Belle: Does that mean that his heart will be healed? The Apprentice: Perhaps... If the strength is there. This is more dark power than the hat has ever been asked to contain. Emma: Do what you need to do. The Apprentice: "Purest evil, blackest bloom, darkness, too, can find its doom. Never dying, but contained, bound inside the falcon's chamber, shorn of anger, thornless danger, there forever to remain." (The darkness from Mr Gold's heart are sucked by the hat. The name of Rumplestiltskin is erased from the dagger. Rumplestiltskin's heart becomes white. The Apprentice puts his heart back in his chest.) Belle: He's barely breathing. The Apprentice: Rumplestiltskin was the Dark One for centuries. His return to the man he used to be will not be easy. This will preserve him until we discern if we can help him. Belle: "If"? (The darkness get of the hat.) Emma: Everybody step back. (The darkness attacks the Apprentice. Emma pulls them out the Apprentice. They escape.) Emma: Mom, dad! Go after it! Go! I'll be right there. Help me make him comfortable. (Emma Henry and Hook lay the Apprentice on a bed.) Emma: What was that? The Apprentice: Long before... Your stories began... The sorcerer battled the darkness. He was able to keep it from consuming the realms. He tethered it to a human soul that could be controlled with a dagger. Emma: The Dark One. The Apprentice: The sorcerer is the only one with the power to destroy the darkness once and for all before it destroys everything. Emma: Where is he? Who is he? The Apprentice: He's far, far from here. Find him. His name is... Merlin. You must... Stop... The darkness. Find... Merlin. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the street.) Emma: Where is it?! David: We don't know. Mary Margaret: It just disappeared into the night. Regina: Hey, what's going on? Hook: The Dark One... It's no longer tethered to the Crocodile. Regina: What?! Where the hell is it? Emma: It hasn't gone anywhere. The darkness... It's surrounding us. (The darkness attack Regina.) Robin: Regina! What's it doing?! Emma: What darkness does... Snuffing out the light. Robin: I'm not gonna let it. Emma: That's not gonna work on this thing! The Apprentice told me we have to do what the sorcerer did! We have to tether it to a person to contain it! Mary Margaret: Emma! Regina: No! There has to be another way! Emma: There isn't. You've worked to hard to have your happiness destroyed. David: No! Emma: You figured out how to take the darkness out of me once. You need to do it again... As heroes. Hook: Emma! Emma, please! No. Don't do this. Emma: I love you. Hook: No! (The darkness merges with Emma.) Emma: Aah! Aaaaaah! (She disappears. There is the name of "Emma Swan" writes on the dagger.)	Plan: A: two; Q: How many parts were there in the fourth season finale? A: fourth-season; Q: What season was the final season of Supernatural? A: the Author; Q: Who aligns with Gold? A: no one; Q: Who can stop the Author and Gold? A: Henry; Q: Who realizes he has the daunting task of helping his family and restoring the balance of good and evil? Summary: In Part 1 of the two-part fourth-season finale, the Author aligns with Gold and no one can stop them as they turn the tables on both the heroes and the villains. Henry then realizes he has the daunting task of helping his family and restoring the balance of good and evil.
ACT ONE Scene One - KACL Radio Station. Frasier is on line with Roger. Roger: [v.o.] Well, I had a really good year. I decided hey, why not reward myself? So I bought what I really wanted - a forty- eight foot cabin cruiser. Want to know how much it cost me? I'll tell you how much it cost me: three hundred grand, not to mention the twenty thou for the custom teak decking. Now, here's my problem: the wife wants to call this incredible vessel Lulubelle, after her mother. Lulubelle! So I say, "no, we call it the Intrepid." So what do you think it should be called? Lulubelle or the Intrepid? Frasier: [after a beat] Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now... I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call. Roz enters and hands him a piece of paper. Frasier: And now, [reading] "Hungry for Chinese tonight? I always"... Uh, I'm sorry, I just - we're experiencing technical difficulties. Let's go to a pre-recorded commercial message. He goes off the air and steps into Roz's booth.] Frasier: Roz, why did you hand me this copy? I don't do personal endorsements. Roz: What is the big deal? All the other personalities do them. Frasier: The other personalities aren't doctors. If I allow myself to become a common pitchman, I lose all my credibility. I am a wise man, a shaman. Roz: Zip up your fly, wise man. As he does so, Bulldog walks in. Bulldog: Whoa, Doc! This is a radio studio, not a bus terminal. Frasier: Look who's here, Roz. Noel Coward. Roz: Listen Bulldog, I hate to mix business with revulsion, but Frasier, as usual, will not do this promo... Bulldog: Love to. [snatches copy from Roz] Roz: Great. I need it done now. Bulldog: No problem. Doc, doc, with all due respect, you're an idiot. These promos are easy money. Frasier: The money is irrelevant. It's a question of integrity. Bulldog: Integrity? [raps on Frasier's forehead] Hello? We're talking mucho dinero. But hey, the more you turn these down, the more liver snacks for the Bulldog. [goes into recording booth] Frasier: [reading a piece of paper from Roz's desk] What is this with my name on it here, Roz? Roz: Oh, that's the contract for the "Hunan Palace" gig. It's how much they were going to pay you. Frasier: Wow. Roz: I guess I need to have them change the name on here to Bulldog's. Frasier: They pay you that much money just to read some copy? Roz: Yeah. Of course, Bulldog usually adds his own special touch. Bulldog bangs his little gong, then reads the copy over the air, with a BAD, stereotypical Chinese accent. Bulldog: Aww, so you come chop-chop to "Hoo-nan Parace," where Pekin' duck is awrays extla clispy! He emphasizes "clispy duck" by crinkling a sheet of cellophane into the mike, and then blowing a duck call. As Frasier and Roz stare in disgust, he raises his arms proudly. Roz: [to Frasier] We're gonna get sued this time, for sure. [SCENE_BREAK] WOULD YOU BUY AN EGGROLL FROM THIS MAN? Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Martin and Daphne are sorting out some photos. Frasier enters. Frasier: Damn it! I just put a dent in my front bumper when I pulled into my parking space. Does anybody know what happened to that tennis ball I hung over my space so I wouldn't pull up too far? On cue, Eddie pads up to Frasier and drops the ball at his feet, so it can be thrown again. Martin: He was bored, he needed a toy. Hey, go ahead and throw it, he'll run and get it for you. Frasier picks up the ball, goes to the balcony and throws it over the edge, inviting Eddie to fetch. Martin: He didn't think that was funny, and he knows where you sleep. Frasier: Dad, Daphne, a situation has arisen over at work and uh, I'm not sure how it should be handled. I was hoping maybe your objective viewpoint could uh, be helpful. Martin: Sure, shoot. Frasier: Well, what would you think if I did a commercial and publicly endorsed a product? Daphne: Oh, you mean like Cher does? Frasier: Thank you Daphne, one against. Dad? Martin: What's the product? Frasier: Well, the station wanted me to do a commercial for a Chinese restaurant. Martin: Well, what's the problem? Frasier: Well, I hold a position of trust in this community, and people do what I tell them to, and I would hate to be accused of abusing that position. The thought of a doctor selling things is kind of distasteful, don't you think? Daphne: What about Dr. Sneezy's cold medicine? Frasier: Dr. Sneezy is a cartoon character. The fact that he's a giant purple hippopotamus should have probably tipped you off. Martin: I say take the money and run. Frasier: Well, you know, I'm tempted, if for no other reason than to keep Bulldog from further alienating the Asian-American community. I just want to make sure I don't compromise my principles. Daphne: Dr. Crane, you've dedicated your live to helping people, haven't you? Frasier: Well, yes. Daphne: Well, suppose one of your listeners was in a quandary over where to buy good Chinese food? Wouldn't your commercial be helping them? Martin: Look, why don't you just go down there? If you like the food do the commercial, if you don't, don't. Frasier: I suppose that's the logical approach. Why don't the three of us go tonight? I'll make a call. Oh, I'd better make the reservations under a different name, I don't want any special treatment, you know. [dials] I want them - I just want to be treated like an average working Joe. [into phone] Good evening... Yes... yes, we'd like a reservation for three this evening at eight. Oh, nothing 'til ten? Oh, well then, ah, this is Dr. Frasier Crane... from the radio, and ah... Yes, I thought you might. Thank you. [hangs up] We're in at 9:45. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - The radio station. Frasier is finishing off his commercial. Frasier: Did I say tasty? Tasty doesn't do justice to those succulent pot-stickers. And the kung pao chicken - ooh, don't get me started. "So if you've got a yen for Chinese tonight, hurry on down to the Hunan Palace." Well, that's it for today. This is Dr. Frasier Crane hoping we'll see you tomorrow, on KACL 780 AM. He goes off the air. Roz enters the recording booth. Frasier: You know Roz, I think I'm getting the knack for doing these promos. Did you hear that little ad-lib I did about the "yen" for Chinese food? Roz: Yeah. By the way, "yen" is Japanese, not Chinese. Frasier: Well... Did I tell you, I got a call from the owners of the Hunan Palace the other day, they said that since I started doing these commercials their business had gone up by 30 percent. Roz: Well, isn't that what advertising is supposed to do? Frasier: Yes it is, Miss Sour-Britches, give me a little credit. My God, I've pleased the boys upstairs, I've gotten perfect strangers to try a new restaurant, and most importantly, I've helped a struggling immigrant family who came to these shores a mere twelve years ago, with nothing more than a dream, a few recipes, and a wok. Frasier exits into corridor to find a woman (Bebe) waiting for him. Bebe: Dr. Crane? What a privilege this is. Frasier: Excuse me? Bebe: Bebe Glaser. I'm Bulldog Briscoe's agent. Frasier: Ah. Ah, well. Pleasure meeting you. Bebe: Listen. I'm not usually this forward, but I'm going to come right out and say it. I've done some research and I know you're not represented by anyone, how would you feel about signing on with me as a client? If your answer is no, it won't hurt my feelings. Frasier: Well, I really don't think so. Bebe: [sorrowfully] Why? Frasier: It's not that I'm not flattered, Miss Glaser, but umm... you see, I'm not really a radio personality per se. Bebe: Oh come on, Dr. Crane, I've heard those spots you've done for that Chinese restaurant, you make me want to stuff my face full of egg rolls and... I don't know what. Frasier: Thank you. Uh... but I, you see, I dine at the Hunan Palace frequently, and uh, that's the only reason I did those commercials. Bebe: The last thing I would ever want you to do is to advertise something you don't believe in. I am an agent, not a pimp. Frasier: Well, I don't mean to offend... Bebe: Are you kidding? You're terrific, you can't offend me. Let me just leave you with my card. Frasier: Well, I really don't think that's necessary. Bebe: [snatches card back] Give me back my card. I will not let you call me. It is too refreshing to meet someone who isn't seduced by the almighty dollar. I would refuse your call. [checks watch] Ah, I've got to go. Flying to Palo Alto, my daughter's at Stanford. [starts to leave] Ah, wait. You don't have kids, do you? Frasier: Well yes, I have a five year-old son. Bebe: Lucky you, you won't have to worry about it for years. [starts to leave again] Frasier: Worry about what? Bebe: [returns] Tuition, innocent. Oh wait, I see. You're going to send him to a state college. Frasier: Well no, no. I plan to send him to my alma mater, Harvard. Bebe: Ouch! Kiss it and make it better. Have you seen Business Week's projection for college costs in the year 2010? [gives a small, high pitched squeal] Oh! I've got to go, that plane is not going to wait for little Bebe. [walks off again] Frasier: Well, you know, maybe we should talk, sometime. Bebe: Let's talk now. [comes back] I think I can die peacefully without seeing the first half of the Stanford-Cal game. [they walk off arm in arm] Frasier: You see, it's not that I object to doing commercials, it's just that I would have to try a product first before I could endorse it. Bebe: Dr. Crane, I wouldn't have it any other way. [SCENE_BREAK] THAT BETTER BE YOUR FOOT Scene Four - A bathroom showroom. Frasier, Daphne and Martin are in swimming costumes, sitting in a Jacuzzi. Martin: Tell me again why I'm here? Frasier: Because if I do the commercial I have to say that my friends and family enjoy this, and I won't say it unless it's true. Daphne: I feel kind of silly sitting here in the showroom. Frasier: Well I apologize for that, but it's the best place to try one. So, tell me the truth. Aren't you two enjoying this? Daphne: Well, I do like the bubbles. It's a little like sitting in hot champagne. Not that I've done that very much. Frasier: Dad, did you know that this unit is made from the same heat resistant space-age polymer that's used on the NASA space shuttles? Martin: Great. Next time I'm re-entering the earth's atmosphere in a hot tub I won't have to worry. Frasier: Well? Do you like it? Martin: ...I have to admit, it's making my hip feel a little better. Frasier: That's all I needed to hear. My friends like it, my family likes it - I like it. I can do the commercial and Frederick can go to Harvard. [a man walks into the showroom] Oh my god! Isn't that Dave Hendler from our building? You know, he's the head of the Seattle Psychiatric Association. He takes a big breath and ducks under the water Daphne: That's not Dave Hendler. Martin: Shh, don't worry about it. Enjoy the quiet while you can. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO 780 AM ON YOUR RADIO DIAL Scene Five - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier, Daphne and Martin are listening to a recording of his advert. Advert: ...soothing bubbles, bubbles that will ease your aching body. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. In these pressure-packed times, what could be better that a warm, relaxing dip in a Renwood hot tub? Let Renwood's patented Ultra-Blow air system surround your body. My family and friends like it... Daphne: [to Martin] That's us. Advert: ...and you'll like it too. And if you act quickly, you'll receive a complimentary scum guard. So hurry down to your Redwood Hot-tub dealer. Say Frasier Crane sent you. Frasier: [turns off recording] Well? What do you think? Daphne: I could almost smell the chlorine. Frasier: Dad? How about you? Martin: [leaving] I liked it. Frasier: Really? Martin: Yeah. I liked it. Frasier: You really, really like it? Martin: No, I liked it. Frasier: Well, what was wrong with it? Martin: Nothing. Frasier: You hated it, didn't you? Martin: Yeah. Goodnight, Frasier. [exits] The doorbell rings, Frasier answers it. It's Bebe. Bebe: Hello, darling. [enters] Frasier: Bebe. Bebe: First off, mea culpa for dropping by unannounced, but you are going to kiss me when you hear what I've done for you. She notices Daphne and jumps to the wrong conclusion. Frasier: Oh... hello. Daphne: Hi. Frasier: Oh, no no no no no. Bebe, this is Daphne Moon, my father's physical therapist. [Bebe laughs, as if to say "the very idea."] Well, I believe I was about to kiss you for something. Bebe: Well, today I got a very attractive offer for you to be a product spokesman, and we know they're serious because it's pay or play. Frasier: Ooh... [he says to cover his bafflement] Daphne: That's the best kind. You get your money whether you do it or not. Bebe: Well, listen to this one. Frasier: How do you know that? Daphne: Well, I must confess, there is a chapter of my life I haven't told you or your father about. Back when I was twelve, I starred in a television show in England. Well, I'll leave you to your business. [makes to escape] Frasier: Daphne, Daphne, just get back here. You what? Daphne: I starred in a TV series. It was quite popular in its day, maybe you've heard of it? "Mind Your Knickers"? It was about a group of high-spirited, ethnically diverse twelve-year-olds in a girls' private boarding school. I played Emma, the short, spunky one. Of course, by the end of the series, I was sixteen, five foot ten, and they had me boozies bound up tighter than a mummy. Well, I'm off. [leaves] Frasier: The woman is like an artichoke. You just peel away one astounding leaf after another. Well anyway, back to business. What have you got for me? Bebe: [producing tin of nuts] Voila. Emery's Nuts. Frasier: Oh, dear. Oh, I can't endorse these. Bebe: Why not? Frasier: Well, for one thing I don't like them, and they're sixty percent fat, they're laced with salt and they wreak havoc with my diverticulitis. Bebe: Of course they do, they're nuts. Frasier: I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't. Bebe: Well... then I will just tell them they can take their five figure deal and find someone else. Frasier: Five figures? Bebe: Didn't I mention, precious? This is for television, the big kahuna. Frasier: Television? Bebe: Well, I understand if you have a problem. Frasier: Well I-I... I don't mean to be difficult, I do have my standards, you know? I only endorse things that I like or... or I think are therapeutic, like the hot-tub. Bebe: Let me pinch you, you're not real! Frasier: Well... Bebe: But still, I... I wonder if you're not being the tiniest bit shortsighted. Research has shown that a single television commercial can turn an obscure radio personality into a national celebrity... a year from now, someone like you could be broadcasting your message of hope and healing not just to the Pacific Northwest, but to the entire nation. But of course, there's not much I can [opening tin] do about it if you [slides tin over to Frasier] don't like the product. Frasier slowly picks up the tin and forces himself to eat a nut. [SCENE_BREAK] THE BIG KAHUNA Scene Six - Television studio. Frasier is sitting in front of the makeup mirror with Bebe. He has two paper tissues round his neck, to protect his collar. Frasier: I've never been one hundred percent happy with my nose. Bebe: You can't be serious. That's a nose people trust. A member of the crew comes over and hands her a piece of paper. Bebe: Finally, a script. Thanks, Jeff. [hands it to Frasier] Seen it already, you're going to love it. Frasier: [reading] "Two nuts are arguing with each other." That's cute. "'I'm a nut.' 'No, I'm a nut!'" Ha, that's funny. Ah... "'Hold it, you're both nuts. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, noted psychiatrist, and I know a nut when I see one.'" Hmm, I just, I don't know abut that line. Bebe: Oh, what's wrong? It's a scream. Frasier: Yes, but it... it may be a scream, but it, it's... what's the word I'm looking for? Bebe: What? "Tuition?!" "Retirement beach house?!" [calms down] I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, it's just that I want so much for you. Frasier: Bebe, I don't want to get a reputation for being difficult, but I... I'm just not comfortable with this line. Bebe: Frasier? Frasier, Frasier. How long have we been together? Frasier: Six days. Bebe: Do you think I would ever have you do something that you were uncomfortable with? What makes this so wonderful is that you're spoofing yourself, you're showing that psychiatrists can be loose, you're making shrinks more accessible to the average person. Frasier: So what you're saying is that I would be doing psychiatry a service by doing this commercial? Bebe: You have a way of cutting through the baloney that knocks me out cold. Frasier: [reading] Oh, dear. What does this mean? "Frasier comes out of his shell." Bebe notices two stagehands pulling on set a giant monkey nut, and swivels Frasier's chair round so he can't see it, B.S.-ing as she does so. Bebe: It is a... technical term. It's a light... a lighting thing. You, you see, you come out of your shadow, or your shell, into the light. Frasier: [in awe] I have so much to learn about this business. [SCENE_BREAK] KNEES TOGETHER, LIPS APART Scene Seven - Cafe Nervosa. Niles is sitting at a table when Frasier rushes in. He still has the tissues around his neck. Frasier: Oh Niles, Niles, thanks for meeting me, I have to talk to you about something. Niles: Why do you have that ridiculous tissue around your neck? Frasier: Well, they didn't tell me I could take it off, so I kept it on. Niles: Oh, silly me. Here I thought it was just a means to attract attention, to have people come up to you and say, "Are you an actor?" thus affording you the opportunity to say yes, you are indeed an actor, and then proceed to crow, gloat and strut in a way you could not otherwise do. Frasier: And the reason you have "SHRINK" on your license plate would be...? Niles, listen. I've got to do this commercial in half an hour and... I just don't think I can go through with it, I'm afraid that I'm compromising my integrity as a psychiatrist. Niles: Why do you feel like that? Frasier: Well, for one thing my co-stars are dressed up as an almond and a walnut. Now listen Niles, I've... I need your guidance. Niles: Frasier, I don't see this as a problem. Frasier: You don't think this is the selling out of Frasier Crane? Niles: Oh, certainly not. You sold out a long time ago. You know, the moment you agreed to do that call-in show, you sold out. Frasier: Oh, Niles. You are such a purist. Granted, I can't do the kind of in-depth analysis one can with a single patient, but my show helps literally thousands of people a day. Niles: Let's face it, Frasier, you talk about wanting to safeguard your professional dignity, but the first time you went on the air, you got out of medicine and into showbiz. You're no different from that movie star who let everybody look up her skirt in that film, and then did nothing but complain that nobody took her seriously as an actress. Frasier: Well, that has nothing to do with this! Niles: Have you seen that movie? Maris and I rented the video and, I don't mind telling you, we pushed our beds together that night! [pause] And that was no mean feat. Her room, as you know, is across the hall. Frasier: Niles, will you just tell me, would you do it? Niles: A nude scene? I suppose if it were integral to the plot... Frasier: Not a nude scene! Would you do this commercial? Niles: Oh, certainly not, I'm a respected psychiatrist. [looks at watch, then stands] Frasier: So what you're saying is that I shouldn't do it. Niles: No, no no no. I'm saying it doesn't matter. Let's face it, Frasier - they've already looked up your skirt and they've seen everything there is to see. Niles exits. Frasier sits with his knees tightly together. [SCENE_BREAK] FRASIER CRANE TO BLOCK Scene Eight - Frasier's Apartment. It's nighttime, and Frasier is sitting on the couch, watching a video of the commercial. Martin enters. Martin: What are you still doing up? [sees Frasier rewinding the video] Oh geez, you're not watching the tape of that dumb commercial again! Frasier: I can't get it off my mind. Did I do the right thing? Martin: Of course you did. Freddie's gonna thank you for it. Frasier: Here, watch it with me one more time. He starts the video. The commercial consists of two nuts arguing until the monkey nut opens up, revealing... Dr. Joyce Brothers. Advert: Stop! You're both nuts! I'm noted psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers and I'm here to tell you that I'm just crazy about Emery's Nuts. So if you're crazy about nuts too, pick up a can of Emery's today. Emery's - the nut lover's nut. Frasier: [switching off video] I suppose you're right, dad. Freddie will thank me. Dr. Joyce is his favorite psychologist. Martin: You know, Dr. Joyce is pretty good. I remember her from "Hollywood Squares." She was always under Charlie Weaver. As they head for bed: Frasier: No, no. Charlie Weaver was always on the bottom. Martin: No, I don't think so. Let's see, Paul Lynn was in the middle, George Goldblum was under him, and... where was Wally Cox? Frasier: Wally Cox. Uh, upper left, next to Rosemarie Dubarr. Martin: Oh, right... END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] The Jacuzzi showroom: Daphne and Martin are peacefully relaxing in the water. This tranquil scene is interrupted after 20 seconds when Frasier comes to the surface, gasping for air.	Plan: A: Bebe Glazer; Q: Who is the talent agent that Frasier meets? A: a smarmy talent agent; Q: What is Bebe Glazer? A: a series; Q: How many product endorsements does Bebe Glazer try to get Frasier to do? A: a television ad; Q: What does Bebe Glazer arrange for Frasier? A: his son's college fund; Q: What does Frasier want to use the money from his product endorsements for? Summary: Frasier meets Bebe Glazer, a smarmy talent agent who sweet-talks him into doing a series of product endorsements. He finds himself conflicted when she arranges a television ad for a product he does not support, knowing that the money earned could go toward his son's college fund.
MUSIC IN: EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY BIKER CHICK: You promised I'd be back by now. BIKER: Don't get your thong in a knot. BIKER CHICK: Yeah, well if my old man finds out I've been biking with you, he'll kill us both. BIKER: If your man was a man, I might be worried. BIKER CHICK: Wayne, you've got to get me back. I'm serious. BIKER: I'll get you a ride.(CAMERA ANGLE ON CAR AS THE CAR DRIVES CLOSER) BIKER CHICK: What if he doesn't stop? BIKER: Oh he'll stop. (SHOUTS) Hey! Stop! (SFX: CAR CRASH) (BIKER SHOUTS) BIKER: You stupid bstrd, when I get through with you, you're gonna wish you were....dead. (LONG BEAT) He's dead. (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Massive internal bleeding in the abdominal cavity, Gerald. That's enough. My young friend, you must have been in acute pain...for many hours. What kept you from seeking help, I wonder? Run the gut for me, would you please, Gerald? GERALD: Not a problem. DUCKY: It was definitely a blockage. It's strange, though. It seems to consist of a cluster of objects. GERALD: Gall stones? DUCKY: Oh, my no. Gallstones that large could never pass through the cystic duct. And even if they did, they wouldn't all be expelled at the same time. Although I did find a gall bladder once with almost a kilo of large stones. Of course the victim was a sumo wrestler who weighed over two hundred kilos. He was in the middle of a bout - he just went... (DUCKY MAKES DEATH F/X) GERALD: They're stones, Doc. DUCKY: Not gall stones. (PASSAGE OF TIME) DUCKY: (V.O.) Emeralds. It was lodged in his gastrointestinal tract causing perforation of the peritoneum, internal bleeding, infection and death. GIBBS: He swallowed emeralds. DUCKY: He did indeed. GIBBS: I'm going to take a wild guess here, Doc. He smuggled them into the country. DUCKY: It's from where he smuggled them in, Jethro. Our sailor had just arrived from Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, where he was a translator. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Petty Officer Second Class Kahlil Sa'id. Naturalized American citizen, born in Egypt. Worked as a translator at Camp Delta. Fluent in Arabic, Uyghur and Pashto. Died in his car on Route Five Twenty Two near Fredericksburg. Almost killed a pair of bikers. TONY: Vroom vroom bikers or pedal bikers? KATE: I said bikers, Tony. Not cyclists. TONY: Bikers is a term that refers to all cyclists.... GIBBS: Next of kin? KATE: None in the States. No US address either. And apparently he rotated from our Naval Station in Bahrain to Gitmo five months ago. GIBBS: Where did he get those emeralds? TONY: Gitmo Exchange. Sorry. GIBBS: Get your gear. We're going to Gitmo. TONY: Ha. Ha. That's a good one, boss. He was kidding, right? KATE: I don't think so. TONY: We're going to Cuba?!(TONY LAUGHS) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. NCIS LAB - DAY ABBY: Hey, Gibbs. I've got a gemologist coming over to look at the rocks. It's my mother's friend's sister's son. GIBBS: Does he know his stuff? ABBY: I went out with him like once. Didn't get very far. GIBBS: Is this all from the car? ABBY: Yeah. It was a rental. GIBBS: Any classified material? ABBY: Not in the suitcases. GIBBS: He would've swapped his hard drive before he left. Check it anyway. ABBY: These were in the suitcase. Stamped, no postmark. All the same return address. GIBBS: NCIS Special Agent Paula Cassidy. ABBY: You know her? GIBBS: No. But I will. ABBY: Okay, smell this. GIBBS: Does this turn you on, Abby? ABBY: It turned somebody on. Box of condoms, half empty. The price tag says they're from the Gitmo Exchange. Maybe... maybe it was a package deal. GIBBS: See if you can brand the cologne. ABBY: You want some? GIBBS: Nope, don't use cologne. Women I date think the smell of saw dust is sexy. That's why I don't date very many women. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ELEVATOR - DAY (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS) TONY: Oh! Sorry. GIBBS: You had better have a good reason for spilling my coffee. TONY: I do. I booked us on the first A-M-C flight to Gitmo tomorrow. GIBBS: Un-book it. TONY: Ha ha! I knew it! I told her you were pulling my leg. GIBBS: Navy's giving us a priority ride today. TONY: You mean it? You do mean it.(ELEVATOR DINGS) (ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE SHUT) TONY: Normally I hate priority rides, but who cares if it's going... GIBBS: What's wrong with priority rides? TONY: Come on, boss. You tell me you like sitting on canvas seats slung between cargo pallets? GIBBS: Yeah, it makes me feel like I'm back in the Corps. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. AIRFIELD - DAY (ACTION CONTINUES/JET TAKES OFF) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. JET - FLYING TONY: Oh, I love priority rides! Boss this is the best! GIBBS: I miss canvas seats. TONY: Check this out. What do you want? GIBBS: Get to work. TONY: I already started. (READS) "Guantanamo enjoys a year round tropical climate cooled by the breezes from the Windward Passage. Some of the more popular pastimes include skin diving, sunbathing and horseback riding." KATE: I would be the last one to rain on your parade, Fidel, but you're logged onto an official Navy website. It's P.R. GIBBS: This isn't. It's the NCIS file on Special Agent Paul Cassidy. She's an interrogator at Camp Delta. Special Agent Cassidy is not to know that Sa'id is dead. KATE: We're not working with her? GIBBS: Sa'id was carrying five unmailed letters of hers. Until we find out how she was involved with him, she's out of the loop. TONY: I can't believe we're in a forty million dollar Gulfstream. I mean, it's got to be C.N.O.'s or SECNAV's. You know, Tiger Woods has one of these. Tom Cruise - all the big movie stars. This is their ride. GIBBS: Tony? TONY: Yeah, boss? GIBBS: Can we get to work? TONY: Sure thing. Just check this out. (LAUGHS) It's a Gulfstream. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. AIRFIELD - DAY KATE: So much for the element of surprise. CASSIDY: Welcome to Gitmo. I'm Special Agent Paula Cassidy. GIBBS: Special Agent Jethro Gibbs. Special Agent Kate Todd. KATE: Hi. CASSIDY: How are you? GIBBS: Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. TONY: Hey. CASSIDY: Hello. I heard you all were coming. Nice ride. TONY: You are so right there. CASSIDY: This is yours. There's a map in it. They put you up in one of the nicest houses on the base. GIBBS: I appreciate that Special Agent Cassidy. CASSIDY: So is there something going down that I should know about? GIBBS: No. CASSIDY: It's just that all my transcripts have been pulled, my interrogations have been cancelled, and then you all arrive on the Navy Gulfstream. How would you connect the dots?(CAR DOORS OPEN/CLOSE) GIBBS: I wouldn't. (SFX: CAR STARTS) CASSIDY: Okay. Enjoy your stay. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. AUTOPSY LAB - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ABBY CHECKS THE SPECIMENS) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TRACT HOME - DAY (SFX: CAR TRUNK CLOSES) (GIBBS/ TONY AND KATE WALK TO THE FRONT DOOR) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TRACT HOME - DAY (DOOR OPENS) GIBBS: Okay. We'll set up here. Tomorrow morning we'll be joined by the senior FBI translator covering transcripts of Sa'id's translations. The interrogator was Special Agent Cassidy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM TONY: No way! KATE: It's the only bedroom with a bath. TONY: I know. And I picked it first. KATE: Women take baths. Men take showers, Tony. TONY: Why does the woman thing come up when a ship is sinking or when there's only one bedroom with a bath? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Gibbs. ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Well, you were right about Sa'id's laptop. System's virgin.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, we'll track down the hard drive he had here and ship it to you. When's your rock boy coming? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) In the morning. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) My mother's very excited. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Find anything else? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, I picked up another scent on his shorts and his t-shirts. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) What did Sa'id do, bathe in the stuff? ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) No, it's not his. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) It's uh... peach and musk with vanilla as a top note. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) It's definitely feminine. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, tag it. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Perfume is expensive, Gibbs. I can't just hang out at... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) ...the Macy's tester tray with my lab kit. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) They frown on that sort of behavior. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Buy whatever you need. We'll deal with it later. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Bold, Gibbs. Bold.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM KATE: We're finished. TONY: But we need to talk to you, Boss. GIBBS: Whatever. It'll have to wait 'til the morning. KATE: Well, it's kind of important. GIBBS: I appreciate that. I'm going to bed. Talk to you manana. (GIBBS WALKS INTO THE BEDROOM/TOSSES THE LUGGAGE INTO THE HALLWAY) (DOOR CLOSES) TONY: Any preference on the remaining bedrooms? KATE: No. Both equally crappy. You pick. TONY: Ladies first. Night!(DOOR CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - MORNING (TONY AWAKENS) (TONY JUMPS UP AND SHOUTS) TONY: Halt! (DOOR OPENS) (GIBBS AND KATE RUSH INTO THE ROOM) (TONY GASPS) GIBBS: I need coffee. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LABORATORY - DAY (MUSIC PLAYS B.G.) BENJAMIN: Where'd you get this, Abby? ABBY: If I told you I'd have to kill you, Benjamin. This is very sweet, but you did not have to bring me a gift. BENJAMIN: Oh, I wanted to. Your mother said it was something you could use. ABBY: Oh, right on. Thanks! Benjamin, this is...this is great. (BEAT) So the emerald. Is it real? BENJAMIN: Oh, it's very real. Color grade two point five, tone one to two, clarity I-one. It's at least worth twenty thousand. And the color is quite distinct. It's bluish apple green. And the fluid inclusions are quite different from Colombian stones. This emerald was mined in the Panjshir Valley. ABBY: Where's that? BENJAMIN: Afghanistan. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: EXT. TRACT HOME - DAY (CAR SLOWS TO A STOP) GIBBS: William Gamal. GAMAL: It's Bill. Senior translator, Camp Delta. GIBBS: We've been expecting you. Special Agent Gibbs, Special Agent DiNozzo and Todd. TONY: When the FBI relaxes the dress code, they sure go for it. GAMAL: These are the transcripts of the interrogations of Nasir Al Jazair you requested. GIBBS: The translator was Sa'id? GAMAL: That's right. Apparently there's a problem? GIBBS: Did you know him? GAMAL: Only to say hello. He worked with the interrogator Paula Cassidy. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. TRACT HOME - DAY GAMAL: You might want to think about keeping that door shut. Iguanas have been known to wander inside. (DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: Nasir arrived in June from Afghanistan. GAMAL: Yes. Insists he was picked up by mistake. TONY: Ha. Weren't they all? GAMAL: Agent Cassidy did especially well with the subject. Younger detainees feel more comfortable with female interrogators. Once rapport has been established, the prisoner is only interrogated by that team. I understand Agent Cassidy is not in the loop on this? GIBBS: Correct. GAMAL: I'll put you in an interrogation room for this afternoon. GIBBS: Well, we better get started. (GAMAL WALKS O.S.) (DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: Okay, I want to know more about Agent Cassidy. Who her friends are in Gitmo. How she spends her free time. Where she hangs out. Was she involved with Sa'id. TONY AND KATE: Sure. No problem. GIBBS: Did I say both of you? KATE: Well, you didn't not say both of us, Gibbs. GIBBS: Yes, she's kind of got a point there, boss. KATE: Yeah, well I'm saying it now. DiNozzo, you go. Kate stay here and help me with this. TONY: Got it. (DOOR CLOSES) KATE: Do you mind telling me why he-- GIBBS: Yeah. (PASSAGE OF TIME) TONY: Agent Cassidy has a lot of friends, I'll say that. Mostly male friends and mostly either interrogators or translators. GIBBS: Where's she hang? TONY: A club on Base called El Foridita. GIBBS: Check it out. Observe her if she's there. TONY: Can I drink? GIBBS: Sure. Sarsaparilla. TONY: Sarsaparilla? Who drinks sarsaparilla? GIBBS: Shane. TONY: Who's Shane. KATE: Alan Ladd. TONY: Who's Alan Ladd? GIBBS: Maybe you should check her out, Kate. TONY: I'm on it! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. CAMP DELTA YARD - DAY (TRUCK SLOWS TO A STOP) (VOICE OVER P.A. B.G.) GAMAL: Where is Agent DiNozzo? GIBBS: Drinking sarsaparilla.(CAR DOORS OPEN/CLOSE) GAMAL: They're bringing Nasir down as soon as the evening prayers are finished. KATE: Why aren't you praying? GAMAL: I'm Presbyterian. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. DETENTION FACILITY - DAY (CELL DOOR OPENS) GIBBS: How do you say good cop, bad cop in Arabic? GAMAL: I learned my Arabic at the defense Language Institute in Monterey. That phrase wasn't in the syllabus. Nasir should be here in about five minutes. GIBBS: (TO KATE) Watch his body language. (KATE WALKS TO THE OBSERVATION) (GIBBS AND GAMAL WALK INTO THE INTERROGATION ROOM) GAMAL: Fortunately Nasir speaks some English. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. CLUB EL FLORIDITA - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MUSIC AND DANCING B.G.) BARTENDER: ...so Jack Palance shoots Elisha Cook. The slug lifts his body off the ground and splat right into the mud. TONY: Elisha Cook? BARTENDER: Have you ever seen the "Maltese Falcon"? TONY: Nope. BARTENDER: You young people don't know what good movies are. All this violence, today. It's so sad. TONY: Splat isn't violent? CASSIDY: What're you drinking? TONY: Sarsaparilla. BARTENDER: Root beer. CASSIDY: So you're on duty? TONY: Maybe I just like sarsaparilla. CASSIDY: Cosmo, Jimmy. BARTENDER: Coming up. TONY: It's funny. I knew you were going to order a Cosmo. CASSIDY: Are you here to check me out? TONY: Define "checking out." CASSIDY: Come on. What are you doing here? TONY: Straight up? CASSIDY: No. I want you to lie to me. TONY: You turn me on. Here, let me pay. CASSIDY: No, thanks. I buy my own drinks.(CASSIDY WALKS O.S.) TONY: So... Jack Palance shoots Elijah Wood. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM (DOOR CLOSES) NASIR: (IN ARABIC) Who are you people? GAMAL: He asks who we are. GIBBS: Name is Gibbs. U.S. Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Sit down. NASIR: Where is Paula? GIBBS: She's been replaced. By me. NASIR: Why? GIBBS: I think you know why. NASIR: No. GIBBS: Sit down, Nasir, and I'll tell you why. (NASIR SITS) GIBBS: Sa'id is dead. (NASIR PRAYS QUIETLY) GAMAL: He's praying. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CASSIDY DANCES) TONY: Miss me? CASSIDY: Like herpes. TONY: Now that confuses me. CASSIDY: Really? TONY: Absolutely. If you don't like me, then why did you come over here for refills? CASSIDY: Jimmy? (TO TONY) I like the game. TONY: Me, too. CASSIDY: Your move. TONY: You've been here eight months and you haven't hooked up. CASSIDY: How do you know? TONY: You've danced with five different guys. Nothing going on with any of them. CASSIDY: You're counting the men that I'm dancing with? TONY: I'm the jealous type. CASSIDY: Oh. Jimmy, does he look like the jealous type? JIMMY: I thought so. TONY: See? JIMMY: He flashed his badge when I wouldn't answer any questions about you. TONY: More info than she needed, Jimmy. CASSIDY: Oh, I'm disappointed. TONY: What if I told you I was checking out the competition? CASSIDY: I'd say you were lying. TONY: No, it's true. I am checking out the competition. CASSIDY: For your investigation. TONY: And for me. CASSIDY: So what are you going to write in your report? TONY: That you have rules about hooking up with men you work with. Accurate? CASSIDY: Incomplete. I have rules about guys that investigate me, too. TONY: Never broken a rule? CASSIDY: Have you? TONY: If the risk is worth it. Jimmy, un tequila y una cerveza, por favor. JIMMY: Si, senor. TONY: Let's dance. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY NASIR: Sa'id was a good man. He gave me hope I would see my family again. He said America does not hate Islam. (V.O.) That Allah knows we are here. GIBBS: Don't you want to know how he died? Or have you guessed? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM KATE: He guessed. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM NASIR: How would I know? We have no contact here with the outside world. GIBBS: He swallowed these. They killed him. I think he got them from you. NASIR: I don't understand. (GAMAL TRANSLATES INTO ARABIC) (NASIR RESPONDS IN ARABIC) GAMAL: He says he's never seen them before. (NASIR SPEAKS IN ARABIC) GAMAL: He would like to return to his cell so he can pray for his friend's soul. GIBBS: Tell him he's not going back to his cell. He's being transferred to isolation. (NASIR JUMPS UP SHOUTING) GAMAL: He says he was promised a transfer to minimum security. GIBBS: Who promised him that? GAMAL: Special Agent Cassidy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CLUB (MUSIC OVER TONY AND CASSIDY DANCING) (PHONE RINGS) TONY: One sec. (INTO PHONE) DiNozzo. Be there in five. (TO CASSIDY) I'm back on duty. CASSIDY: Well that's too bad. TONY: So are you. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM GIBBS: Why did you recommend transferring Nasir to minimum security? CASSIDY: Reward for cooperation. That's the idea around here. GIBBS: We've read the transcripts. He didn't tell us anything we didn't know. CASSIDY: Well, that's not the point. He told us all that he knows. GIBBS: Are you sure? CASSIDY: It's a judgment call. But we get a lot of flak around here for holding people too long. Are you going to tell me what's going on? GIBBS: Are you going to tell us what was going on between you and Sa'id? CASSIDY: We worked together. That's all. GIBBS: These were found in Sa'id's luggage. CASSIDY: Well he was going to put them in the mail for me. GIBBS: You couldn't find the post office? CASSIDY: Mail is slow out of Gitmo. Sa'id was on his way to the States and I asked him to throw them in the mail for me. GIBBS: Do you mind if we open them? CASSIDY: Yes, I mind. They're private. GIBBS: We'll get a court order. CASSIDY: What the hell is this about? Why do you have these letters? Something happened to Sa'id? GIBBS: He's dead. CASSIDY: Oh, my god. How? What happened? (BEAT) Tell me how he died! GIBBS: Internal bleeding from a perforated bowel caused by the presence of hard objects in his intestines. CASSIDY: Hard objects? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Look, I have been a damn good NCIS Agent for over six years now. I really don't deserve to be treated like this. GIBBS: All we asked is can we open these letters. CASSIDY: Sure. Go head. Open the damn things. GIBBS: Thank you. CASSIDY: They're to my family. Would you like to search my apartment while you're at it? GIBBS: I would. CASSIDY: Okay.(TONY WALKS PAST CASSIDY) TONY: Sorry, Paula. GIBBS: Check out Sa'id's apartment, too. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT KATE: First time I've seen you apologize to a suspect. TONY: How'd you feel if I was going to search your apartment? KATE: Violated beyond belief. You know why you're attracted to her, don't you? TONY: Who said I was? KATE: It's endorphins. TONY: Thank you, Abby. KATE: Oh, you were so excited about going to Cuba and riding in the jet. It stimulated the hell out of your endorphins. The first woman you saw was like honey to a bear. TONY: You were the first woman I saw on my endorphin high. KATE: Yeah, well we work together, Tony. It's like a brother sister thing. TONY: I never had a sister. KATE: That's probably a good thing. TONY: You just passed Sa'id's room, sis. (KATE ATTEMPTS TO UNLOCK THE DOOR) TONY: Need some help? KATE: No. (KATE UNLOCKS THE DOOR) KATE: Tony, wait. (KATE UNLOCKS THE DOOR) KATE: Sa'id had a key to her apartment. TONY: Well she doesn't have a key to his. KATE: Women like making love in their own bed. TONY: (LAUGHS) Now, wait a minute. Just because you're woman and you enjoy doing it.... KATE: You're right. I misspoke. TONY: ...does not mean that all women insist on doing it in their own bed. KATE: (OVERLAP) I'm wrong, Tony. Let it go! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. INTERROGATION ROOM CASSIDY: Are you going to read me my rights? GIBBS: You have the right to be reimbursed for postage. Put it on your expense report. CASSIDY: Thanks. GIBBS: You might want to take that chip off your shoulder. CASSIDY: Gladly. Just treat me as a member of the team. GIBBS: We're in the same agency, not on the same team. CASSIDY: Is this interrogation over? GIBBS: Yeah. Yeah, almost. Uh... why is Special Agent DiNozzo sorry? CASSIDY: He blew his chance to get laid. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB DUCKY: This just came to you from Guantanamo Bay. ABBY: It's Sa'id's hard drive. Excellent. DUCKY: Ah... quite a collection. ABBY: Yeah, I'm trying to match a scent I found on Sa'id's clothes. DUCKY: I don't see Channel Number Five. ABBY: Does anyone wear that anymore? DUCKY: My mother does. ABBY: Really? DUCKY: Ever since Marilyn Monroe confessed that Channel Number Five was all she wore to bed. ABBY: So... does your mother...? DUCKY: Unfortunately yes. Makes for terribly awkward slumber parties. GAMAL: (V.O.) Nasir is extremely upset. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GAMAL: He feels he's been cooperative and now he's in a cell with no windows. GIBBS: Well maybe after losing all this luxury will make him more cooperative. GAMAL: Well, a psychiatrist examined him and is worried for his mental health. GIBBS: I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. GAMAL: You're certain Nasir is a terrorist? Isn't it possible he is what he says he is, a man who was in the wrong place at the wrong time? GIBBS: Yes. It's also possible that he's the man who gave Sa'id those emeralds. GAMAL: Why would he do that? GIBBS: Are you that naive or did Nasir pass some of those emeralds on to you? (GAMAL WALKS O.S.) (SFX: TOILET FLUSHES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) What are all these bottles, Abby?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) That's the perfume you said I could buy. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Did you have to buy so many? ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) I only have thirty. (ON MONITOR) There's more than twenty five hundred on the market. GIBBS: You're kidding me. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: Perfume is the most powerful accessory a woman can wear. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Yeah, well how much has all this power cost us? ABBY: (FILTERED/ON MONITOR) Around fifteen hundred. GIBBS: Fifteen hundred dollars?! ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Well, not including the tax. I stuck to the thirty most... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: ...popular scents hoping we'd get lucky. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Ah. How fiscally responsible, Ab. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Thank you. GIBBS: So... did we get any bang for our fifteen hundred bucks? ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) We did. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: The perfume on Sa'id's clothes is called Escada. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Never heard of it. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Do you want to hear about his hard drive? GIBBS: What's it going to cost me? ABBY: (ON MONITOR/FILTERED) It's pretty much synonymous with his sx drive. (V.O./FILTERED) Our boy deleted twenty gigs of p0rn before he turned his drive in. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: He was trading with a p0rn pal on a Hot Mail account... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (FILTERED/ON MONITOR) ...that doesn't exist anymore. GIBBS: Anything good on it? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: Nothing with sawdust, yet. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Agent Cassidy's? TONY: Yeah. Uh... and nothing else of interest in her apartment, except... GIBBS: What? TONY: She had a bottle of Escada on her dresser. And Sa'id had a key to her apartment, but she did not have a key to his. GIBBS: Most women prefer their own beds. So she and Sa'id were doing a horizontal salsa. TONY: Not according to the bartender at El Floridito. GIBBS: What? Lovers register with him at Gitmo first? TONY: Bartenders know this kind of stuff, boss. He said she went there most nights, danced with a lot of guys, but always went home alone. GIBBS: What'd you find out, Kate? KATE: Sa'id's place wasn't just clean. It was sterilized. There was some towels, soap and a half a roll of toilet paper. TONY: I think Sa'id copied Paula's key without her knowing it. GIBBS: Now which brain is thinking that, DiNozzo? TONY: I'm hitting the rack. (DOOR CLOSES O.S.) GIBBS: Get this off to Abby first thing in the morning. KATE: You know, Gibbs, sometimes you can be a real... GIBBS: bstrd? KATE: Yes. GIBBS: Yeah, well my gut is telling me Agent Cassidy is telling the truth. KATE: So then what's the problem? GIBBS: Romance between agents, Kate... it never works. KATE: Are you speaking from experience? CASSIDY: (V.O.) Sa'id and I were not lovers. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CLUB PATIO - DAY CASSIDY: Who told you that? GIBBS: A room key. Had yours on his key chain. CASSIDY: That's not possible. How would he get my room key? GIBBS: You gave it to him. CASSIDY: No I didn't! I lost a key. Had to replace one. Sa'id could have stolen it. GIBBS: Are you just remembering now that you lost a key? CASSIDY: I was just told that somebody else had it. GIBBS: Okay. Okay, let's say that I buy that. Why would he want a key to your room? CASSIDY: To get to my computer. But how does he get my password? GIBBS: If you don't keep your doors shut, the iquanas get in. CASSIDY: We did so many interrogations together, he could have watched me type it in. GIBBS: Why would Sa'id want to get into your computer? CASSIDY: To read my interrogation reports. I don't know. Lately I noticed that his conversations with Nasir seemed longer than his translations. I even noted that in my computer. Sa'id took leave and left the next day for the States... right after I wrote that. GIBBS: His room was empty. He wasn't intending to come back. CASSIDY: I should have had Ben come in and sit in on one of the interrogations and check my suspicions. I blew it. GIBBS: These are the hard objects that Sa'id had in his stomach when he died. CASSIDY: Emeralds? GIBBS: Yeah. I think he got them from Nasir. CASSIDY: How did Nasir get them past our body search? (BEAT) Nasir complained of constipation when he arrived and they gave him a laxative. GIBBS: He got them in the same way Sa'id got them out.` DUCKY: (V.O.) What are you looking at, Abby? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB ABBY: It's just sx, Ducky.(MUSIC B.G.) DUCKY: Just s*x? ABBY: Yeah. You know, the biological act between creatures within a species in response to neurological and physiological stimuli. DUCKY: Between creatures within a species? ABBY: Usually. DUCKY: This isn't yours, I hope. ABBY: No! It's off Sa'id's hard drive. Something's wrong. The files are too big. DUCKY: (GIGGLES) Not just the files. ABBY: Easter eggs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM GIBBS: What the hell are Easter eggs?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) ABBY: (ON MONITOR/FILTERED) Easter eggs are hidden messages within a computer program. If you don't know where to look, you don't know they're there. GIBBS: They were hidden in the p0rn? ABBY: (ON MONITOR/FILTERED) My cursor has moved across places that would make Tony blush. GIBBS: (V.O.) What kind of messages? ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) There's a... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: ...diagram of the camp and a bunch of stuff in Arabic. It's coming to you now. Something tells me it's not a greeting from the bunny. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (PASSAGE OF TIME) GAMAL: Sa'id arrived Gitmo April twenty third. April twenty eighth he writes "son-in-law located." May eleventh "son-in-law moved to minimum security." May twenty third he gets a response. "Leader disavows son in law. He will be eliminated by the one who is victorious." TONY: Leader? GIBBS: Bin Laden. KATE: My god. We've got one of Bin Laden's son in laws here and didn't know it. GIBBS: The one who is victorious? Why does he start talking in riddles all of a sudden? GAMAL: I don't think he is. I may not be translating that accurately. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES B.G.) GAMAL: Nasir is old Arabic for "the one who is victorious." I owe you an apology, Gibbs. If I'd transferred Nasir into minimum security... GIBBS: You didn't. Don't worry about it. TONY: How do we find this son-in-law? GIBBS: Easy. We transfer Nasir to minimum security so he can kill him. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY MC CLARFFERTY: At Camp Delta the security buck stops with me. If Nasir kills a detainee, it'll be my ass. GIBBS: Yeah. But once the son-in-law learns that Bin Laden ordered him murdered, he's going to sing like a bird in Islamic paradise and maybe that prevents another Nine Eleven. MC CLARFFERTY: What's your plan, Gibbs? GIBBS: We transfer Nasir to minimum security. GAMAL: From isolation to minimum security? He's bound to be suspicious. TONY: A new interrogator will have to deliver the news convincingly. KATE: Since we know he trusts women, that's me. (DOOR CLOSES) CASSIDY: No, that's me. I'm the one he trusts. GIBBS: You promised him minimum security. He got isolation. He won't believe you have the authority to move him. CASSIDY: He will when I order the guards to remove the shackles. TONY: That's too risky. KATE: Tony's right. CASSIDY: Nasir and Sa'id did this right in front of me. KATE: You're an interrogator, not a translator. You couldn't have known. CASSIDY: But I did. I had suspicions about Sa'id and I let them slide. It's inexcusable. GIBBS: Yep. CASSIDY: Let me make up for it. GIBBS: How good an actress are you, Agent Cassidy? CASSIDY: Ask Tony. He bought my act. TONY: Icing me was an act? CASSIDY: No. Letting you think I was melting was. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. COMPOUND - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CART DRIVES THROUGH THE COMPOUND) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM KATE: Tony, she'd say anything to get in that room. TONY: Kate, it's not a problem. We were both playing a game. GIBBS: Yeah? Who won? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM (DOOR OPENS) CASSIDY: Hello, Nasir. NASIR: I did not expect we'd meet again. CASSIDY: Neither did I. (TO THE GUARD) Remove the shackles. (BEAT) Now please. NASIR: Where is Gibbs? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM CASSIDY: Recalled to Washington. His superiors determined that his concerns were unfounded. GAMAL: (IN ARABIC) Agent Gibbs was recalled to Washington. It was determined by his superiors that his concerns were unfounded. KATE: He's not buying it. TONY: He will. CASSIDY: Agent Gibbs has had... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM CASSIDY: ...problems in the past. GAMAL: Agent Cassidy, this is inappropriate. CASSIDY: He deserves to know. He has a history of building cases at the expense of the facts. (TO GAMAL) Tell him. GAMAL: (IN ARABIC) Gibbs has a history of building cases at the expense of the facts. GIBBS: (OVERLAP) She's good. NASIR: I was locked up like a dog. CASSIDY: It was out of my hands, Nasir. I'm sorry. I've arranged to have you returned to your cell. Just answer one question. Do you have a conscience? GAMAL: (IN ARABIC) Do you have a conscience? NASIR: I have a moral awareness of my actions. CASSIDY: Good. Because I've trusted you, Nasir. NASIR: I am glad you are back. CASSIDY: So am I. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM KATE: She's ending the session. What is she doing? TONY: Playing him. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM (DOOR OPENS) NASIR: (IN ARABIC) What about my transfer to minimum security you promised? GAMAL: He's asking about the transfer to minimum security you promised him. CASSIDY: I'll try. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAMP - DAY MC CLARFFERTY: (V.O.) We have a hundred and twenty detainees in minimum... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. COMMAND VEHICLE - DAY MC CLARFFERTY: ...security at present. Twenty to a unit. Barracks twenty is the one Nasir is assigned to. And this... that's the inside surveillance cam. GIBBS: How many guards inside the barracks? MC CLARFFERTY: Two. One at each exit. Front and rear. TONY: Odds are six to one against his target being billeted in the same barracks as him. GIBBS: That means Nasir is going to have to kill his target in the exercise yard. What does Secret Service think? KATE: Three sharpshooters. There, there and one in the watch tower. I have an idea. GIBBS: It's about time. KATE: Nasir has to change his jumpsuit when he transfers, right? GIBBS: Spankin' brand new white one. So? KATE: So I want to add a little trim. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. NASIR'S CELL - DAY CASSIDY: You're being transferred to minimum security, Nasir. NASIR: You have kept your word. CASSIDY: Does that surprise you? NASIR: No. CASSIDY: Don't betray my trust, Nasir. NASIR: I will not. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. COMMAND VEHICLE - DAY MC CLARFFERTY: There. Right there. They're bringing him out now. TONY: Talk about your own personal webcam. MC CLARFFERTY: We only did enough of a search to keep it legitimate. TONY: You think he already has a weapon? GIBBS: Oh yeah, I do. Probably a shiv. MC CLARFFERTY: That makes sense. Easy to conceal. KATE: How does he make a shiv in max security? MC CLARFFERTY: A comb, a toothbrush, something innocuous ground to a point. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. BARRACKS - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/NASIR WALKS TO HIS BUNK) (GUARD SPEAKS IN ARABIC) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. MOBILE COMMAND VEHICLE - DAY TONY: You're good. Bet you could have made it in Hollywood. CASSIDY: I don't think you'll be right or wrong about Nasir. GIBBS: He's a killer. It's in his eyes. TONY: Yeah. The eyes always give you away. GIBBS: Oh, yeah. (ALL WATCH ACTION ON THE MONITOR) GIBBS: Oh yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BARRACKS - DAY M.P.: (IN ARABIC) Let's move out! (NASIR WHISPERS TO THE DETAINEE) M.P.: (IN ARABIC) No talking! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MOBILE COMMAND MC CLARFFERTY: Your target is the fifth detainee to exit. Acknowledge when you have him in your sights. (ALL WATCH THE MONITOR) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TOWER - DAY GUARD: (V.O.) Roger that. Okay, I've got him. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. YARD NASIR: (IN ARABIC) Give me the ball! (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ NASIR KICKS THE SOCCER BALL) M.P.: (IN ARABIC) Keep in line! Keep in line! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. MOBILE COMMAND VEHICLE GIBBS: That's a diversion! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TOWER - DAY GUARD: (V.O.) I lost my target. No shot! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MOBILE COMMAND VEHICLE MC CLARFFERTY: My sniper's lost his target! KATE: He's heading in the opposite direction, Gibbs! He switched groups! (INTERCUT SCENE OF NASIR WALKING INTO BARRACKS) GIBBS: He's going into the barracks twenty one! (INTERCUT SCENE OF NASIR WALKING INTO BARRACKS) GIBBS: He's made his man. Where are your guards, Colonel?! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. EXERCISE YARD - DAY (SFX: DETAINEES FIGHT LOUDLY B.G.) (GIBBS/KATE AND TONY RUSH FROM THE VEHICLE) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) NCIS! Open up! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. BUILDING TWENTY ONE NASIR: (IN ARABIC) Close the door. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/NASIR MOVES TOWARD THE DETAINEE) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. EXERCISE YARD GIBBS: DiNozzo, go around back! TONY: Got it! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. BARRACKS - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/NASIR MOVES TOWARD THE DETAINEE/ GIBBS/ KATE AND TONY RUSH INTO THE BARRACK) (SFX: GUNFIRE) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Down! Get down! TONY: I'd have killed him. CASSIDY: And make him a martyr? No. This is worse than death. (NASIR SHOUTS IN ARABIC B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GULFSTREAM - DAY KATE: She looks awfully lonely back there. GIBBS: So? KATE: So... I think one of us should go and keep her company. GIBBS: Why? KATE: She is one of us. GIBBS: Kate. KATE: What? Well, I can't let her ride alone... (TONY STANDS AND WALKS TO CASSIDY) (KATE CHUCKLES) GIBBS: Why is it that women always want to fix what doesn't need fixing? KATE: It makes us feel all warm inside. GIBBS: So does scotch but it doesn't cost you a house.(KATE CHUCKLES) (CAMERA ANGLE ON THE REAR COMPARTMENT) TONY: I didn't... CASSIDY: (OVERLAP) Do you think that... You go.(CASSIDY LAUGHS) TONY: Watch this. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. GULFSTREAM - FLYING TONY: (V.O.) It's a Gulfstream.	Plan: A: The team; Q: Who heads to Cuba when Ducky and Gerald discover that a dead translator from Gitmo has a stomach full of emeralds? A: NCIS Special Agent Paula Cassidy; Q: Who is deceitful to Tony when he is ordered to investigate her involvement? A: Kate; Q: Who is Gibbs' partner in the investigation? A: links; Q: What does the prisoner have to Osama Bin Laden? Summary: The team heads for Cuba when Ducky and Gerald discover that a dead translator from Gitmo they have been working on has a stomach full of emeralds. NCIS Special Agent Paula Cassidy turns out to be deceitful to Tony when he is ordered to investigate her involvement, while Gibbs and Kate try to discover where the emeralds came from, how they ended up in their translator's stomach, and prevent the assassination of an important prisoner with links to Osama Bin Laden.
"A Roswell Christmas Carol" AKA "Roswell: The Miracle" 32nd Episode of Roswell Production Code: 2ADA10 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode begins with a scene in downtown Roswell. A man and his daughter are tying a tree to the top of their car near a major intersection. Max and Michael are nearby in the Christmas tree lot trying to find a suitable tree for Isabel) Man: Go grab that bag of mistletoe, ok, honey? Michael: Come on, Maxwell. Just pick a tree. It's freezing out here. Max: It's not so simple. This tree's got to fall within certain parameters. Michael: Parameters? Max: Height, circumference, color, density of foliage. Look at this diagram. You know how Isabel gets this time of year. Michael: The Christmas Nazi, driving everyone insane while trying to have the perfect Christmas. The worst thing you can do is play into it, Max. You've got to fight her. You've got to fight the Christmas Nazi. Come on. I got to get to the hardware store before it closes. I got to get Maria her present. Max: Why? Are you gonna get her a ratchet set? Michael: Never mind. I'm under a lot of pressure. She's been busting my ass for weeks about this present. She says it's got to be significant. Max: Then you might want to steer clear of the hardware store. (Suddenly, we see a car veer sharply on the road and start heading towards a little girl. Her father sees the car coming and pushes her out of the way. Unfortunately, the car runs into him and he falls to the ground a few feet away from the car) Little Girl: Daddy! Daddy! (Max is stunned by this tragedy unfolding before him and internally struggles with whether or not to use his healing power to save this man who just sacrificed his life to save his child) Michael: Maxwell. Bystander 1: Someone, call an ambulance. Bystander 2: He's not breathing. Michael: Let's go. (The next morning at the Evans home. Mrs. Evans is reading about the accident in the paper) Diane: Oh, this poor, poor family. Philip: Tragic. Diane: I mean, this man gave his life to save his daughter. Now, that's a true hero. Philip: Where's the Christmas Nazi? Max: Last I saw, she was examining our outdoor lights for errant bulbs. (Isabel comes into the house, dragging the tree that Max got) Isabel: Max. This is, by far, the most pathetic Christmas tree I have ever seen. Did you even refer to my diagram? Max: I had to run out this morning. There were only a few left. Isabel: You know, I give you one tiny, little assignment, and you can't even handle that? Max: Something came up. Isabel: Well, if you had told me you couldn't go, I would have squeezed in time to get it myself between the hunger drive and Christmas dinner at the nursing home. Diane: Isabel, did you know that this family lived only 4 blocks from here? Isabel: It's so terrible. A few of us are talking about organizing a vigil for his family. Philip: Beautiful. A vigil? You know, that's nice. Candles. Yeah. Isabel: You know, I think I saw at least 17 burnouts on 2 and 5. Oh, what do you want to bet there are some flickering ones on 3 and 4, because they always seem to have problems, so check those, too, you know? You should never be careful because once 2 and 3 are gone and... (Max sees an image of the man who died saving his daughter sitting on the washing machine. He walks over and stands in front of him. Only Max sees this man's ghost) Isabel: Max. Great. He's doing laundry now. Dad, is there a reason you haven't finished hanging the rest of the outdoor Christmas lights? Max: I'm sorry. Ghost: How could you let me die? (Opening credits) (Scene switches to the Crashdown. Michael rings the bell and Maria goes up to the counter expecting to pick up an order) Michael: I need to talk to you. Maria: Yes, spaceboy? Michael: We got 3 days til Christmas, and I'm working every day until then. Maria: And? Michael: I was wondering if it was necessary to exchange presents on Christmas day. Maria: Need a little wiggle room? Michael: If that would be all right. I mean, what's a couple days? You know, I figure we can make a date for the 27th or 28th. Maria: Sure. No problem. How about the, uh, second week of january? I mean, what is Christmas but some arbitrary day. What is it again? Oh, yes. The birthday of our lord and savior. It's no big deal. Michael: So, that's cool? Maria: You give me that damn present on December 25th, or I'll never speak to you again. (Switch to the inside of the UFO Center. Maria has brought Brody's usual lunch for him and is looking around for him) Maria: Hello? Brody? Brody: Maria. Hi. Maria: Ok. Flash update on my non-boyfriend Michael Guerin. First of all, he had no intention of buying me a Christmas present, right? Then, he tried... Brody: Maria. I'm sorry. This just really isn't a good time. Maria: Oh. Ok. Brody: Listen. I'm gonna be away for a couple of days. Uh, you don't need to bring my lunch. Maria: Fine. Is...is everything all right? Brody: Yeah. Fine. Maria: Yeah. Of course. Merry Christmas. (Maria leaves) Brody: Yeah. Merry Christmas. (Switch to the Valenti home, where Sheriff Valenti and Kyle are sitting on the couch watching football on TV) Sheriff: Go, go. Run, you tub of lard, run! No, nooo! What the hell are you doing? Kyle: Uhh! Sheriff: Oh! Kyle: His mind and body are in deep conflict. When one's heart and one's mind are not in balance, one's body is the first to fail. (Sheriff Valenti turns his head to Kyle and gives him a look) Kyle: What? Sheriff: I'm very concerned that you're starting to make sense to me. Kyle: All I'm saying is that if the guy can't visualize his journey to the goal, he has no chance of taking the rock downtown. (Tess comes back from shopping and sits down on a foot rest in front of the TV. Sheriff Valenti and Kyle continue to watch the football game by glancing around her) Tess: It is a zoo out there. God, every store is packed with desperate people trying to find the perfect present. Oh, and the streets are loaded with overzealous people singing. And then, there's all these insane people dragging Christmas trees on top of their cars. Sheriff Valenti & Kyle: Oh!!! Kyle: Whoo! Oh! Sheriff: Hoo hoo hoo hoo! Tess: But, clearly, you guys don't bother with Christmas trees. Kyle: We've got ours out in the garage. Plastic. Tess: Oh. Oh, well, I guess there's...no hurry to bring it into the house then. Sheriff: Well, actually, we haven't brought it in for a few years. Kyle: We like it in the garage. I use it to dry my socks. Sheriff: Good. Second down. Second down, here we go. Come on. Come on. Visualize. Tess: Oh, and about Christmas dinner. I hope you guys aren't planning some big... Kyle: We usually hit the Crashdown for turkey. Sheriff: $7.95 - all you can eat. Tess: Great. You know, I don't celebrate Christmas anyway. Sheriff: Great. Oh, yes. Kyle: Yes. Yes! Sheriff: Yes! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! Kyle: Whoo! Sheriff: Ha ha ha! (Switch to the hardware store. Michael shows Isabel the present he's going to give to Maria - an electric toothbrush) Isabel: This is a toothbrush. Michael: It's an electric toothbrush. It's practical. Isabel: It is practical. Are you gonna give it to Maria as a stocking stuffer? Michael: Hell no. This is gonna be her present. She set a price limit. If I exceed that budget, then there's gonna be hell to pay. Isabel: Actually I think Maria would find it in her heart to forgive you for exceeding the price limit, though there would be hell to pay if you gave the girl you love an electric toothbrush for Christmas. You're better off getting her no gift at all. Michael: No. I tried the "no present" idea last year. It didn't work. Isabel: Last year was your first year together, and you didn't give her a present? Michael: Hey, I don't even believe in this, so why should I get sucked into it? The whole thing's a marketing scam invented to make people buy things they don't even need. Isabel: Well, you could write that on the card when you give her a dental product for Christmas. Michael: So, what should I get her? Isabel: Okay, look. Go home. Think about all that you and Maria have shared, all that she means to you. Then start coming up with some ideas, ok? A Christmas gift should be personal, thoughtful, and something someone would never get herself. Now I've gotta go, 'cause I've got a rehearsal for the holiday pageant, dinner at the nursing home. I've gotta wrap a ton of presents, and now I've got to get a new tree. Michael: Hail the Christmas Nazi. Isabel: What was that? Michael: Nothing. Isabel: Bye now. (Isabel leaves) (Switch to a group of people out Christmas caroling to the wife and children of the man who was killed in the car accident earlier. Maria is among them. They're singing "Jingle Bells". Max observes from a distance and is confronted by the ghost of the dead man) Ghost: What are you doing out here? Max: I just want to make sure they're all right. Ghost: They're not all right. Max: If I had exposed myself last night, there are people I would have put at risk. Ghost: But it was ok for you to heal Liz Parker. Max: How do you know about that? Ghost: Because I know everything in your mind, heart, and soul, Max. I know it all. Max: I will look after your children. I swear I will. Ghost: For how long, Max? Max: Until they're ok. Ghost: They'll never be ok, Max. Don't you understand that? They lost their father last night. (Max is really unsure of what he should do. He goes to the Crashdown to ask Liz for advice) Max: You know how we said that we were gonna try to be friends? Liz: Yeah. Max: I think I need a friend. Liz: Oh. Ok. Come on in. (Switch to the group of carolers moving to another house) Caroler: Ok. Last house of the night. 5-year-old girl with cancer. (They start singing "Deck the Halls" and a little girl comes out of the house to listen) Sydney: Daddy, come here! (Brody comes outside to join his daughter, Sydney. Maria and Brody see each other, and Maria realizes why Brody wasn't in the Christmas mood earlier when she brought him his lunch) (Scene switches to the outside of Liz's room, where Max is explaining his dilemma to Liz) Max: There was a crowd, a huge crowd, and everyone was watching, and I...I...I could have healed him, but I didn't. Liz: Max, listen to me. Listen. You can't hold yourself responsible for that man's life. Max: He gave his life for his daughter, and I let him die. Liz: If you healed him, you would have exposed Michael, Isabel, and Tess. (The ghost suddenly appears and criticizes Max) Ghost: Well, that was the sugar-coated version, Max. Now tell her what you were really thinking. Max: I wasn't thinking about Michael and Isabel and Tess. I was thinking about myself in the white room and being tortured. I didn't heal that man, because I was protecting myself. Why couldn't I trade my life for his? Liz: No, Max, look. You can't do that to yourself. (The ghost walks around outside Liz's room singing "Amazing Grace") Max: He's haunting me, Liz. Liz: What do you mean? Max: He comes to me. I see him. Liz: You mean you literally see him. Max: I have to do something. (The ghost stops singing and Max sees him falling off of the roof. Max rushes over to the edge and reaches out to try to grab him) Liz: Max! Max. Max, what are you talking about? Max: I don't know. (The ghost re-appears) Ghost: Can't get rid of me that easily. I got no place to go. You need to restore the balance, Max. Liz: Max. Max: I need to restore the balance. (Scene switches to Brody's house. Maria wanders there looking for Brody. She wants to know about Sydney) Brody: Maria. Maria: Hey. Brody: What are you doing here? Maria: Um, I don't know. I'm just...I'm just here. Brody: You're wondering about Sydney. Maria: Yeah. Brody: She's my daughter. Maria: She's very beautiful. Brody: Thank you. She's staying with me for a few days, you know, for Christmas. Maria: Oh. She has, uh... Brody: Cancer. Yeah. It's in her bone marrow. Inoperable. Maria: I'm sorry. Brody: I know you and I talk a lot and that I've never mentioned her. I just don't...it's hard, you know, to talk about it. Maria: If there's anything I can do, anything at all... Brody: Thank you. You did enough last night. You have a beautiful voice. (Sydney comes out of the house looking for Brody) Sydney: Daddy, I can't get my crown to fit right. (Sydney notices Maria) Sydney: Who are you? Maria: I'm Maria. You must be Sydney. Sydney: Yeah. Maria: Now, is, um...is that a Christmas present you're wearing? Brody: Sydney's gonna be in the holiday pageant this afternoon, aren't you, sweetheart? (Brody walks to Sydney and places a tiara on her head) Brody: All right. A bit big, isn't it? There we go. It's lovely, isn't it? (Switch to Michael's apartment. Michael is fixing up a bumper. Isabel comes in with her arms full of presents) Michael: It's a bumper. Isabel: Yes, I see that. Michael: For a Jetta. Isabel: Hmmm. How did what I said yesterday result in this? Michael: It meets all your criteria. It's personal, because I personally know what a bug she has up her ass about how much we screwed up her car. It's thoughtful, because I had to go to the junkyard and get it, and it's something she would never get herself for the obvious reason that her bumper's been hanging from a string for the past half-year. Isabel: Ok, Michael. This is what I'm gonna do. I am going to take the Christmas dog show off my calendar and take you shopping and rectify this situation. Michael: No. I'm not gonna get obsessed over this present. This is fine. I'm not gonna make everyone else around me miserable. Isabel: What are you saying? That I get obsessed and make everyone around me miserable? Michael: I didn't say that. Isabel: You know, is it too much to ask that one day a year, I can be like a normal human being with a normal life and have a merry Christmas?!? Michael: No, mein fuhrer. (Isabel turns around sharply and gives Michael an evil look) Isabel: What? Michael: What? Isabel: Oh. Is it all right if I leave some gifts here? I have more shopping to do. Michael: Leave them on the table. Isabel: Bye-bye then. (Isabel leaves and Michael lets out a sigh of relief) (Switch to the supermarket where Sheriff Valenti, Kyle, and Tess are buying groceries. Amy De Luca is also there) Sheriff: Whoo. Meaty Man, in case the game runs late on Sunday, and we don't make it to the Crashdown. Go long, go long, go long. Amy: Oh, my God. Jim. Sheriff: Amy De Luca. Merry Christmas. Amy: Merry Christmas. Oh, merry Christmas, Kyle. Kyle: Merry Christmas, Mrs. De Luca. Amy: Oh, my God. This must be the famous Tess. My daughter Maria has told me so much about you. Tess: Oh, I deny everything. Amy: Oh, well, this is a true Christmas story, Jim, making a home for this lovely young girl. Sheriff: Oh, it's nothing, really. Amy: Oh, no. Come on. This is what Christmas is all about, you know? Opening your heart and creating new family. Sheriff: It's just a temporary thing. Amy: Oh, never you mind. Come on. This must be a very special year for all of you. You have a new member of your family. Sheriff: Yep. Very special. Amy: Yeah. I bet. Sheriff: Ha ha ha ha! Amy: Well, our tree is overflowing already, but, you know, I always say that you can never have too many Christmas ornaments, right? (Tess sees this opportunity to add some Christmas ornaments to the shopping cart) Tess: Right. You know, that's what we say. Amy: Right. Well, remember, Jim, if you ever want to stop by, there'll always be a De Luca Christmas pie waiting. Sheriff: Thanks, Amy. Amy: Uh, thank you. Ok. Um, bye. (Switch to the Christmas pageant that Isabel has organized. It's the one that Sydney is in) Isabel: Ok, you guys. We worked really hard, so just don't forget to smile, ok? Liz: Oh, my God. Maria: I've been crying all day. Liz: Oh, Maria. Maria: Liz, I've made up my mind. I'm gonna be there for Brody and Sydney. Liz: Yes, definitely. You know, we could go put together a care package from the Crashdown. So they don't have to worry about making food. Maria: No. No. I mean, I'm gonna be with them. Liz: What are you talking about? Maria: Brody is such a good man. He really is. And Sydney...I mean, we only spoke for a minute, but we had this, like, immediate connection. A girl needs a mother. Liz: Oh, no, Maria. Slow down. Maria: I can't take it anymore, Liz. It's just so sad. I have to do something. Liz: Maria, you're 17. You're in high school. Brody is not. Maria: My mother was married when she was 17. Ok. No. It's not exactly an advertisement for marrying young, no, but... Liz: Maria, you can't just step in and become someone's mother...and what? All of a sudden, you're just gonna be with Brody? Did Brody say something to you? Did you talk to him about this? I mean, what is making you think this? Maria: He said he liked my voice. Oh, my God. What am I thinking? I'm gonna marry Brody? I mean, I'm crazy. Liz: No, you're not crazy. It is...it's just killing you not to do something about this, because you are such a good person. But I think the best thing you could do is just...leave them alone. Their time is precious right now. You should let them have their time together. Maria: I mean, it's so wrong. It's Christmas. Christmas is supposed to have happy endings and miracles. (Liz's eyes light up suddenly as she remembers Max's dilemma and his desire to "restore the balance") Isabel: Hi, everyone. Welcome to this year's holiday pageant. I'm Isabel Evans. Some of you know me as the director of this pageant, others may know me as the president of the hunger drive, and still others might know me from the many holiday events at the nursing home, and some of you know me as...the Christmas Nazi. (Isabel glances accusingly at Max and Michael) Isabel: But enough about me. Let's feast our eyes on the cutest darn kids in America. Welcome to Roswell's 23rd annual holiday pageant. [SCENE_BREAK] (As the children perform, we see Liz walk over to Max and whisper something into his ear. She tells Max about Sydney and Brody and how Sydney has bone marrow cancer. Max glances over at Brody, then to Liz, then to Sydney. The ghost appears next to him and smiles) Ghost: Looks like we have a plan. (Switch to Michael's apartment. Max is discussing his plan with Tess, Isabel, and Michael, hoping to get their approval) Michael: You heal her, and you leave behind a silver handprint, a nice, big fat clue saying there's aliens in Roswell. Max: Look. Nasedo destroyed all the records from the special unit. It's possible no one even knows who we are or what the silver handprint is. (Michael hammers away at the bumper) Max: Look, I know what I'm asking here is big. There are a million reasons not to do this and only one reason to do it. I need to. I don't know what else to say. (Michael bangs on the bumper again) Isabel: What we've been through this past year, it's taken a lot away from us. I think maybe that sort of thing starts to take its toll, you know, on our human side...so if you feel you need to do this, then I'm behind you, Max. Max: Thank you. Tess: Look. If this means so much to you, I'm sure there's a good reason for it, so I'm with you, too. (Michael bangs on the bumper again) Michael: I guess that makes me the odd man out. Max: Michael. Michael: Hey, we're here for a reason, Max. So call me a selfish jerk, but I don't think we should risk everything just so you can feel a little bit better about yourself at Christmas. It's 3 against 1. I'm voted down anyway. Max: Michael. Michael: You made your decision before you walked through that door. I know you did. I could hear it in your voice, so why don't you just go do what you're gonna do...and make sure you don't screw up. (Michael bangs on the bumper one last time) (Switch to the Valenti home where Tess is finishing up on setting the table. Sheriff Valenti and Kyle are, of course, sitting on the couch watching TV) Tess: Ok. I think we're just about ready. Oh, Kyle, could you grab 2 more dining room chairs? I looked in the garage, but I couldn't find any. Kyle: Oh, that's 'cause there aren't any. Tess: Uh, what do you mean? Kyle: Uh, we don't have any other chairs. Tess: All we have are 2 chairs? Um, doesn't that seem a little odd to you? Sheriff: Well, we used to have more chairs, but over the years, our collection has dwindled. Tess: So it doesn't bother you that there are only 2 chairs in the entire house? Sheriff: We usually eat in front of the TV. Kyle: He's never gonna pick up this spare. Come on, look within, you putz. Sheriff: Guy's amazing. Tess: I have been cooking for 20 hours, while you two have been sitting back on the couch like 2 beached whales, not even noticing or caring that I am living here. Ok. I am here. Hello. Hello? So, since I'm living here, I should have a damn chair to sit in! Sheriff: We could bring my desk chair over. Kyle: Good idea. Tess: Oh, and, uh, where's Amy De Luca going to sit? Sheriff: Amy De Luca? Why does Amy De Luca need a place to sit? Tess: Because...I invited her over to dinner. Sheriff: You what? Tess: Well, I figured if we had a guest, you two would have to shut off the damn TV and pretend to be civilized. Sheriff: When is she coming? (The doorbell rings) Tess: Uh, about now, actually. Sheriff: Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. Shh...ooh, no! Come on, now. Don't do this to me. Come on. Help me out, will you? Don't ever invite somebody over to dinner without telling me first. Ah! Jeez Louise. Oh! Jeez. (Sheriff Valenti quickly cleans up a bit as best he can. He throws the bag of chips into the kitchen and tucks in his shirt. Kyle is busy sweeping away the chips on the coffee table. Sheriff Valenti takes a deep sigh just before opening the door) Sheriff: Amy. Amy: Hi, Jim. Hi, everyone. It was so nice of you to think of me, Jim, and I loved your note. Sheriff: My note... Amy: I miss you, too. (Switch to Brody's home. Max uses his power to unlock the door and slips inside. The house is empty, except for the ghost who informs Max that he's too late) Ghost: It's too late, Max. They rushed her to the hospital. Boy, do you have a dilemma. (Max drives over to Michael's apartment and updates him on the situation) Max: She had a relapse. She's in the hospital in Phoenix. Michael: And? Max: I'm going. It may be a little more dangerous now. I just thought you should know. Michael: I'm going with you. I just want to keep you from getting us all killed. (Switch back to the Valenti home) Amy: Are you sure you don't need any help? Tess: No, I'm fine. So how long have you and the Sheriff known each other? Sheriff: Oh, a long time. Amy: A long, long time. He knew me before I was legal, right, Jim? Sheriff: Mm-hmm. Tess: Really? Amy: Well, actually, we always sort of knew each other, but the first time we actually met, he almost ran me over with his dirt bike. Sheriff: Well, what the hell were you and Curt Pressman doing laying out there on that mesa... Amy: That is neither the point or proper dinner conversation. Of course, the second time I met him, he arrested me. Tess: Really, you arrested her? (Tess brings another dish to the table) Kyle: Is that 3-cheese potato gratin? Tess: With bacon on the bottom. Your favorite. (Tess heads back to the kitchen and Kyle stares at her for a moment) Sheriff: Standing in front of a pile of old rocks with a bunch of hippies. Amy: Oh, for protecting a native american treasure. Sheriff: Tomatoes, tomatoes. Amy: All right, and then finally, the third time we met, he rescued me. Kyle: Yeah, I've heard that one, but don't let me stop you. (Kyle goes to the kitchen to help Tess) Sheriff: Don't exaggerate. You didn't need to be rescued. Amy: Of course I did. The attic was engulfed in flames... Kyle: So you need me to carve that? Tess: I got it. Thanks. (Tess uses her power to slice up the turkey) Kyle: Well, so this...this is really, uh...this is really great. Tess: Well, I saw a break in the NFL schedule between the 22nd and 24th of December, so I figured... Kyle: Right. Well, this is the best Christmas dinner we've had in a long time. I mean, 2 guys living alone. We just never really had the Christmas spirit. (Sheriff Valenti and Amy are laughing in the other room) Tess: Well, it, uh, looks like he's got the spirit now. Kyle: That's a really great gift that you gave him...to both of us, I mean. Tess: This is a great gift to me, too. (Tess brings the turkey out to the table) Amy: Oh... Sheriff: Ooh... Tess: There we go! Enjoy, ok? (Kyle looks at the scene in the dining room and smiles) (Scene switches to the hospital in Phoenix that Sydney was admitted to. Max and Michael are dressed in scrubs and head toward the room that Sydney is in) Michael: One knock means be on your guard, 2 means the coast is clear...and 3 will mean we're screwed. Max: Right. (Max enters the room and Michael stands guard outside) Max: Shh. It's ok. Sydney: Who are you? Max: I'm just a dream. Go back to sleep. (Max places his hands on Sydney, grunts softly, and heals her. He gets up and his eyes gaze upon a boy laying in a bed nearby. Max looks at the ghost in the room with him and heads for the other child. Each times he heals, he is flooded with images of the child's memories. Ouside, Michael notices a nurse gazing in his direction and knocks on the door. Max hears the knock and proceeds to heal the boy. Outside, the nurse grabs a clipboard and walks toward Michael) Nurse: Excuse me? I'm supposed to check this ward. Michael: I'll save you the trouble. Someone just checked it. (Max moves to the bed of another little girl) Little Girl: Are you an angel? Max: Go back to sleep. (Max heals her and starts having blurry vision. He struggles to the bed of another child. Outside the room, the nurse has returned with a group of security guards and points to Michael. Michael knocks on the door 3 times. The guards start heading toward Michael. He knocks on the door again, then opens the door, goes in, and locks the door from the inside. He sees Max stumble and fall to the floor) Michael: Max! (The guard bangs on the door) Guard: Open this door! Now! Michael: If there's a God, please help us now. (The guard finally manages to open the door, using a chair to knock it open. The guards rush in with the nurses close behind. They see a room full of children playing around and singing. The window is open, and it's obvious that's how Max and Michael made their escape) (The next morning at the Evans home) Woman on TV: Our baby is ok. The cancer is gone. It's a miracle. We prayed everyday and...and God...God spoke. Diane: Now that...that is a miracle. Philip: That might be overstating it a little. They did say they were all undergoing experimental treatment. Diane: Philip, put your finger here. I mean, one day those children were at death's door, and the next day they were completely healed. That wasn't medicine, honey. And the part about the imprint of the hand on each of the children. I mean, if that isn't enough to get you to believe in God, then I don't know what is. Can you put your finger there? And, I mean, maybe it's even enough to, uh...get Max to join us at midnight services tonight. What do you say, Max? (Switch to Michael's apartment. Maria goes there to look for him to talk about what happened in Phoenix) Maria: Spaceboy... (Michael, who has been polishing the bumper, quickly covers it as Maria walks towards him) Michael: What's up? Maria: I just wanted to let you know that I heard about what you did for Sydney and those children. Michael: Thank Max. I was against it. Maria: This whole...thing with Sydney has made me realize how stupid I've been about this gift thing. I don't need a gift. Michael: I actually got you one. Maria: You did? Really? Michael: Yeah. Maria: Yea, I'm so excited. What is that smell? (Maria pulls off the covering to the bumper) Michael: No, it's not...it's not dry yet. Maria: Is that a bumper? It...it's a bumper. Michael: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maria: Is that, like, a Jetta bumper? Michael: Not yet, but it's gonna be. Maria: Michael...that is so thoughtful. Michael: That's what I keep saying. Maria: I mean, my bumper has been hanging... Michael: From a string. I know. Maria: And I...I would have never, you know... Michael: Got one for yourself. Exactly. So...merry Christmas. Maria: Thank you, Michael. Thank you. So you want to exchange gifts now? Michael: Huh? Maria: Are one of those for me? One of those are for me. Michael: Yes, I'll go get it. Maria: Ok, which one? Is...is it the big one? Michael: Turn around. (Michael walks over to the pile of presents and rummages through them, wondering which one of Isabel's gifts he will give to Maria. Near the bottom, though, there is a present with a note on it - "Michael, just in case. Love, The Christmas Nazi". Michael smiles, removes the note, and walks back to Maria and hands her the present) Michael: Merry Christmas. Maria: Whoo-hoo-hoo. What is it? What is it? Michael: That's a good question. Now remember, I was in Phoenix saving lives, so I was a little strapped for time. Maria: Ok. Michael (silently): Oh, please, God. Maria: Michael...these are real pearls. Michael: What?!? Wow! Of course. Maria: My God, this must have cost you a fortune. Michael: I'm sure they will. Maria: These are the most beautiful earrings I've ever seen, but I don't need this gift. This year my gift is you. (Maria hugs Michael tightly) Michael: So you don't want the earrings, then? Maria: Oh, no. I'll keep the earrings. (Michael lets out a huge sigh of relief) (Max goes over to the Crashdown and knocks on Liz's window) Liz: So I hear you went to Phoenix. Max: Yeah. Thank you...for telling me about Sydney. Liz: Are you still haunted? Max: I don't think so. Liz: Healing all of those kids...why did you do it? Max: After I healed Sydney, I...I looked at the face of the boy lying next to her, and I just thought...how can I not...how can I not use my gift? Liz: As beautiful as that is, Max...you can't keep doing it. I know it seems like there's no reason for those kids to have cancer or for a father to get killed saving his child or for any of it...but maybe there is. Maybe there is someone or something out there that's planning all of this, and maybe you have to respect it. You're not God, Max. You're the one that told me that. Will you come to midnight service? Max: I'd like to...but I don't believe in God. Merry Christmas, Liz. (Liz closes the window) Liz: Merry Christmas, Max. (Max walks toward the house of the man who was killed. The ghost is with him) Ghost: They'll be ok. My wife? She's, uh...she's pretty remarkable. If anybody can get through this... Max: I want you to know that if they ever need me...I will be there for them. Ghost: I know you will, Max. Get outta here. Max: I don't know where to go. Ghost: It's Christmas. You should be with your loved ones. That's where I'll be. That's where I'll always be. (The ghost walks to the front door and appears on the other side. He turns around, smiles at Max, and then disappears) (Back at the Evans home, Michael stops by to check up on Max) Max: You're going to midnight service? You don't believe in anything. Michael: Gotta hedge your bets, Maxwell. I've had my prayers answered twice in the past 2 days. Don't ask. You ok? Max: Better. Thanks. Michael: Your powers? Max: Yeah, they're starting to come back to me. Michael: Good. I just wanted to say that I'm really pissed about what happened last night. Max: Michael...I couldn't stop myself. Michael: No, no, no. I'm pissed that I don't have the ability to help the kids in the hospital that you couldn't get to. Max: Michael... Michael: Enough said. I got a Christmas present for you. Come on. (Max and Michael drive over to Brody's house. They look in and see Brody speaking softly to Sydney who is sleeping in his arms) (Max wanders around a bit and winds up at the midnight service. Everyone looks happy there. The choir is singing "Come All Ye Faithful". Michael is sitting with Maria. Isabel sits a few rows in front of them with Mr. and Mrs. Evans, rubbing her fingers together to signal that Michael owes her big time for the earrings. Kyle and Tess are sitting together, with Tess sitting between Kyle and Sheriff Valenti. Sheriff Valenti looks to the row behind him where Amy De Luca is sitting. They smile at each other. Mrs. Evans turns to tell Mr. Evans something and notices Max walking towards them. Max stops to kiss his mom and then sits down next to Liz) Liz: I thought you didn't believe in God. Max: I believe in you. (Max grabs Liz's hand and squeezes it tightly) (Episode ends with snow falling around everyone)	Plan: A: Max; Q: Who is haunted by the ghost of a man he could have saved? A: a tragedy; Q: What does Max witness that makes him question his healing abilities? A: guilt; Q: What is Max overwhelmed with after he witnesses a tragedy? A: aka the Christmas Nazi; Q: What was Isabel's nickname? A: the holiday season; Q: What season did Isabel try to brighten up? A: Tess; Q: Who tries to become a part of the Valenti family? A: Kyle; Q: Who does Tess grow closer to? A: Amy Deluca; Q: Who comes to Christmas dinner at the Valenti house? A: Liz; Q: Who gives Max the idea to heal Brody's dying daughter Sydney? A: the support; Q: What does Max get from the other aliens? A: the hospital; Q: Where did Max and Michael drive to heal Sydney? Summary: Max witnesses a tragedy and is haunted by the ghost of a man he could have saved, leaving him overwhelmed with guilt and questioning his healing abilities. Isabel aka the Christmas Nazi (dubbed by Michael) tried to brighten up the holiday season and Tess tries to become a part of the Valenti family. She and Kyle grow closer and Amy Deluca comes to Christmas dinner at the Valenti house. In order to set things right again, Liz gives Max the idea to heal Brody's dying daughter Sydney. After discussing it with the other aliens, he learns Michael thinks it is too much of a risk. Max decides to go through with it anyway with the support of the others. He and Michael drive to the hospital and after healing Sydney he can't bring himself to turn away from the other terminally ill children so he heals all of them and leaves just in time to avoid getting caught.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Owen : You ready for tonight? Nathan : Bring it on. I got this. Owen : Kind of different in the game. Nathan : How different? Haley : Do I even want to ask? Nathan : Really, I'm fine. Brooke : I told you I wanted to be a mom, and you ran away so fast. You left an owen-shaped hole in my front door. Owen : You're right, and you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry. Brooke : You're still a jerk. Mouth : Hot intern? Gigi : Mouth! Mouth : Gigi? Millicent : The nosy guy across the street Called and said he saw someone breaking in. Brooke : That is Peyton's wedding dress. Lucas : Someone made an offer for the movie rights to my book. Peyton : For "the comet"? That's great! Lucas : Not for the "the comet," but, um, "ravens."21 Julian : You've gotten even more beautiful. Peyton : What are you doing here, Julian? Julian : Optioning your fiancés book. Peyton : Like hell you are. Julian : Actually, it's already done. Lucas : I see you two have already met, huh? Julian : Yes, we have. Owen : Feels like I've known her for years. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Sam : Oh, my god. You're totally inspired by it. Brooke : No, I'm not. You are, too. admit it. Sam : Your entire new line is gonna be based on ... Brooke : Based on the amazing couture wedding dress I had already spent 72 hours hand-stitching for my best friend? Oh, wait ... That's ruined. Sam : You're still pissed. Brooke : And you're still grounded. Sam : Fine. So, what's your version of grounded? Brooke : Well, I've been thinking. One week for exposing a 5-year-old to depravity, another week for letting some skeevy fratvestite ruin Peyton's wedding dress, and we're gonna tack on another week for throwing an underage keg party in your foster parent's upscale boutique. Sam : That's it? Brooke : You are not supposed to be happy about this! Sam : No, I just thought that thing my friend Eugene did in the bathroom sink was gonna cost me another week. ou ... haven't been in the bathroom yet, have you? Brooke : What did Eugene do in the bathroom sink? Sam! ... This is not over, young lady! Sam : Didn't think it was, old lady. Brooke : Don't kill the child. just don't kill the child ... What?! Owen : Wow. where's nice Brooke? Brooke : I killed her, and I ate her bleeding heart for breakfast, and I'm still hungry. Owen : Right. Well, if you see her. Tell her I enjoyed. Cleaning up sam-a-palooza with her last night and that I plan on bringing her a gift every day until she's ready to reconsider me. Brooke : Every day? Owen : Whether you like it or not. Brooke : Gold, godiva, Gucci, Gerber. My jewelry, chocolate, purse, and flower preferences. I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow. Owen : Wait ... Gerber? Brooke : Daisies. But sunflowers are very nice, too. Bye, now. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Hey, You are just in time. Nathan : For what ... hibernation? Haley : No. I saw your slamball schedule for the next three weeks, and it looks pretty grueling. So I thought you better stock up. Nathan : Haley, 90,000 calories a day is not gonna keep me From getting hit on the slamball court. Haley : No, but it'll give you a little extra padding when you do. Jamie : I cleared a place for your trophy. Nathan : You know, I don't think they give you trophies in slamball, buddy. Jamie : Not even for champions? Nathan : That's pretty lame, huh? Jamie : How are you supposed to know you're awesome without a trophy? Nathan : Well, I guess you're gonna have to keep telling me. Hey Go eat your breakfast in front of the TV. All right, little bear? Jamie : Okay. Nathan : Good luck. It's really good. AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Lucas : How you feeling? I think you may have had one too many mojitos at Tric last night. Peyton : Ohh, I know ... headache. Thanks. Lucas : So, what was your first impression of Julian last night, huh? [Peyton's flash back] Lucas : Peyton, I love you. And I want us to be together forever. Peyton : Luke, wait. it's just not as simple as all of that, okay? I mean, there's a lot we have to talk about. Lucas : You're saying no. Peyton : No. I love you so much. Lucas : Just not enough. Man : Hey, I need you to go on a coffee run. Peyton : Okay, in a minute. Man : I don't have a minute. Hey ! Peyton : I said I need a minute ... God! Julian : Probably just a jam in the three-hole-punch tray total pain in the ass, but definitely not worth a pretty girl crying over. Peyton : You know, the last thing I need right now is some ... some shallow, egocentric Hotshot music producer hitting on me. Julian : Okay, just for the sake of argument. What if I was more of a failed guitarist turned fledging indie-movie-producer type? No. right. You know, the best thing about a paper jam? Peyton : What? Julian : It forces you to open up the machine, figure out what went wrong in the first place. Peyton : He was charismatic. What you doing? Lucas : If you haven't heard, I'm a big screenwriter now. Screenwriter. Peyton : Luke, about that Lucas : I think I really needed this, you know? With everything that happened with "the comet," I just ... It's nice to know. That your work has merit and relevance, you know? Peyton : Yeah. Of course. Lucas : I am nervous, though. I mean, Julian already has a studio interested. And they want a first draft in, like ... Julian : Three weeks. Did you even sleep? Lucas : Oh, yeah, a little. Eh, not really. no. Julian : Well, you wouldn't tell from the script. It's -- it's good, Luke. Lucas : Yeah, but not great. Julian : Very close to great. In fact, I'd say one scene away from great. And I think you know exactly which scene I'm talking about ... Keith's murder. Lucas : And I know you wanted me to show it, but I just thought that maybe it'd be more effective if we find out after the fact you know, cinematically? Julian : Okay, well, I don't want to flaunt my experience, but cinematically, it doesn't get much better than seeing a man kill his brother. Lucas : Well, that man who was murdered ... was my uncle. Julian : Which is, I think, why you didn't write the scene. You're too close to it but our audience needs to face what happened, Luke ... even if you can't. Just give it a try. Trust me. I'll put off the studio until tomorrow, okay? You can do this. Lucas : And if I can't? Julian : To be blunt, Then I'll find a writer who can. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : I'm broke. You're 5. you're supposed to be broke. Mouth : Undefeated for the last three weeks, fans expect the slashers to be carried through tonight's semifinal slamball game against the mob on the shoulders of former college standout Nathan Scott. That is, of course, unless Jerome Garret. Hit man for the mob, has anything to say about it. Jerome : We're not afraid of Nathan Scott. Man, that chump's always been more hype than skill. Mouth : Well, and there you have it from the hit man himself. Back to you guys. Jamie : They should just give you the trophy, daddy. Nathan : I tried to tell you. They don't give you trophies in slamball, buddy. Nathan : I checked for you and everything. Jamie : Sorry. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke : Come on, Brooke. If you could fill this place up with anything, What would it be? What did you get me? Peyton ! Peyton : Well, don't act so disappointed. Last time I checked, I was your only customer. Brooke: Yeah. Peyton : It's a good thing I like the emperor's new clothes. Brooke: I'm sorry. It's just that Owen's been coming by every day for the last three weeks to bring me loot. Peyton : Well, I did not know you were into him again. Brooke: I'm not totally sure I am yet, but I am into loot. Peyton : Brooke, what Owen did was uncool, but it is equally uncool to lead him on just because you like getting presents every day. Brooke : Really? I'm getting relationship advice from the girl who waited three weeks to tell her fiancé. That he's making a movie with her ex-boyfriend. Peyton : Three weeks and counting. Brooke : Peyton, you haven't told him yet? Peyton : Um, no...but, anyway, changing the subject. When do I get to see my wedding dress? Brooke : You may not need a dress, my friend. Changing the subject back. Lucas is gonna be really upset when he finds out you've been keeping this from him. Peyton : I know. It's just he's really excited about writing again, and he genuinely likes Julian, and I don't want my stupid past to get in the way of this for him. Brooke : Well, how serious were you and Julian? [Flash back. Peyton see the Lindsey and Lucas kiss before the sinning books] Julian : Oh, sorry. sorry. Peyton : Excuse me. I'm sorry. Julian : Oh, hey, if it isn't the saddest girl in the world. Peyton : I'm not sad. Julian : Okay, but I've only met you twice, and both times, you were crying. Peyton : Maybe they're tears of joy. Julian : True are they? Peyton : No. Julian : Okay, good. 'cause I got a favor to ask. How would you like to accompany me to this hideous industry party full of snooty rich people and "shallow, egocentric hotshot producer" types? Peyton : That sounds awful. Julian : So, is that a yes? Peyton : You really want the saddest girl in the world as your date? Julian : Oh, no. no. no. It's not a date. I just want your tears. One look at the crying girl on my arm, and nobody's gonna wonder why I'm leaving early. Hold on. what'd I say? Because if you start smiling like that, we're gonna be stuck at this thing. Peyton : Oh, I am totally underdressed. Julian : No. no. You look great. Besides, this is Hollywood. The worse you dress, the more important people assume you are. Peyton : Oh, they must assume I'm the pope. Julian : Oh, wow. thank you. thanks for coming. Peyton : You didn't tell me it was your bar mitzvah. Julian : It's a fund-raiser for a script I'm trying to get made. I know -- talk about boring. It's a good thing you brought a book. Peyton : Um...yeah. I was hoping to get it signed. I used to be close with the author. I feel really dumb for bringing it in. Julian : Oh, no. don't. What's it about? Peyton : Me, sort of. Peyton : Then I completely understand why you wanted it here with you. Now, see, there's that smile again. Julian : Now we're never gonna get out of here. Peyton : Oh, I guess we'll have to make the best of it. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Oh, you bet. Oh, okay. thank you. That was a scout.263 He's passing through town on his way to Virginia. He's gonna try to stop by and see the slamball semifinal. Lucas : Well, that's cool, Nate. If anyone deserves a second look, it's you. Hey, speaking of the game, any hard feelings if I can't make it? Julian wants to get the script to the studio tomorrow. So I'm sort of in crisis mode. Nathan : No worries, man. I'll see you at the championship after we win tonight. Lucas : Absolutely. Can I ask you a question? What was your best memory of Dan? Nathan : I don't know. The day he went to prison. Michael Jordan basketball camp. Yeah, I was about 10 years old, and Dan pulled some strings to get me in, and it was the first day, and we were in this, like, meet-and-greet line, and Jordan was gonna pick one of us kids to play one-on-one against. I remember I was so nervous, My knees were about to buckle. And I think Dan could feel that 'cause he put his hand on my shoulder to steady me, and when Jordan finally came by, "this is my son, Nathan. he's got a great jump shot." Lucas : And what happened? Nathan : I played one-on-one against the greatest player in history. It was one of the best days of my life. Why? What's with the question? Lucas : I have this scene to write, and I'm trying to be objective. I guess I'm just wondering if Dan ever had a soul. Nathan : Sure, he did. He sold it a long time ago. Bright the man on the way he is evil. That is what he deserves. AT THE RIVER COURT Mouth : So, this is how the great Nathan Scott warms up for a semifinal game. Nathan You, uh, looking for an exclusive? Mouth : I'm here as a friend. Jerome Garrett was talking about putting you back in your wheelchair during tonight's game. He sounded serious. Nathan Oh, I'm sure he is. He's a bitter guy. He was only a basket away from the sweet 16 two years ago when I got in the way. Mouth : I remember, and from the sound of it, so does he. Nathan : I appreciate the heads-up, Mouth. I'll be fine, though. I can take care of myself. Plus, I got Owen watching my back. He's one of the toughest guys in tree hill. AT BROOKE'S CAR Owen : Hello, beautiful. Brooke : Aaah! What the hell are you doing?! Sneaking up on a girl is so not cool! Owen : What? I thought you'd like it. "what's underneath the clothes," right? Brooke : I'm a girl. It's sexy. You are a huge, hairy dude on my leather seats! Owen : ! At least you think I'm huge! Brooke : Get out! Owen : All right! All right! all right! hey! all right! Wait ... Brooke. hey. Wait ... You made your point! Stop! You have my clothes! AT TREE HIGH SCOOL Jamie : So, pooky wooky bear pretty much finds out he's been a crummy friend and has to say he's sorry. Haley : All right. Chapter nine tonight, guys. Good job. Sam : So, don't tell your mom, but that was pretty much the best lecture of the year. Haley : Uh, I heard that. Hey, you have, uh, study hall next, right? yeah. Would you mind watching Jamie for a little bit? I got to run to the office. Sam : Sure. Anything to avoid economics homework. Let's go, muchacho. Jamie : Awesome. Haley : Sam, no parties, okay? Jamie : What's economics? Sam : It's how you make money. Jamie : I thought that was called an allowance. Sam : No. An allowance you actually have to work for. Economics is easier. it's just supply and demand. Jamie : Sounds complicated. Sam : No. this is your stake. You use it to buy your supply, which is what you just got. All you need to do is create a little demand. Boy : Come on, man. That's nasty. Sam : Bummer, huh? good thing we got everything you want right there. Boy : I'll take some chips. Sam : 2 bucks. Jamie : You only paid 50 cents for those. Sam : That, grasshopper, is called a profit. Jamie : I don't have 2 bucks. Sam : It's okay. That's called a kickback. It's free. That is what you get when you're in cahoots. Jamie : Nice. Haley : Hey. you okay? Lucas : Yeah. No. no. Um, I have to write Keith's murder scene in the screenplay, and I ... don't know if I can do it. I just can't imagine people sitting in a theater Eating popcorn, watching Keith get shot to death. Haley : Maybe it could be more than that. Maybe ... like in literature, a violent death can often be a catalyst for change or... a lesson in humanity. Lucas : I don't want my audience to understand Dan Scott, okay? I don't want to make Dan Scott a more conflicted character for the sake of a more complex plotline. Dan Scott isn't human. He doesn't deserve to be forgiven. Frankly ... Dan Scott doesn't deserve a spot in Jamie's life. Haley : Luke. Lucas : I'm sorry, Hales. it's none of my business. My head's just been ... I should go. I'm sorry. AT PEYTON'S OFFICE Peyton : Look, I get it, and I love the band, and you know I love you, but this ship is gonna sail without you If you guys can't cut through all the red tape. [Flash back. Peyton and Julian prepared their trip] Julian : Well, if you can't cut through that red tape, then I'll find somebody who can. This may come as a surprise to you, but you're not the only line producer in town. Peyton : Be nice. Julian : Look, josh, uh, I know you're trying. Just do me a favor and try a little harder. It's all gonna get done. I think it's a bad idea that I moved in with you. Peyton Why? Julian Because if I get any nicer my film's not gonna get to Sundance. Peyton Oh, but you'll get me, and I am way sexier than sundance. Julian : I love you. Peyton : I love you, too. AT TREE HIGH SCOOL Jamie : Thanks for picking me up, grandpa. Dan : Are you kidding me? I'd do anything for you. Jamie : Can you stake me 10 bucks? Dan : What for? Jamie : I ... got some business. Dan : I don't know. That's a lot of money. Jamie : Please. I'll totally cut you in. Dan : Sounds like a solid investment. Jamie : Sweet. I also have to make a quick stop on the way to school. Dan : You're the boss. AT PEYTON'S STUDIO Lucas : I'm not writing this. Peyton : I thought Julian said he'd find another writer. Lucas : I'm hoping he's bluffing. Peyton : You want to tell me why this is so hard? Lucas : I don't really know ... what happened in Keith's final moments, and I'm not gonna just make it up so that Julian's movie can be more dramatic, you know? I mean ... I mean, think about it. Did he... did he beg for mercy? Did he ... did he cry? Was he shocked? did he feel betrayed? Or maybe Dan should be ... conflicted and, uh ... Pitiable. I can't write that. Peyton : Do you know what I love about you Is that you're always protecting everybody? But you don't have to protect Keith, and, I mean, regardless of what the scene becomes. I'm pretty sure he would rather you write his last moments than anybody else. Lucas : I just wish I knew the truth. [Flash back. Peyton and Julian prepared their trip] Julian : Got to go. Peyton : Okay, but I can't get my bag zipped up. Julian : It's three days in sundance. How full can your bag possibly be? Peyton : Like this full. Julian : You got to be kidding. Peyton : Oh, maybe my big, strong boyfriend can use his muscles to zip it up for me. Julian : We are so gonna miss our plane. Peyton : Thank you. Julian : Well, I think I found the problem. Peyton : I was just gonna read it on the plane. Julian : For what the thousandth time? Peyton : It's not a big deal. Julian : No, it is a big deal. Peyton : It's just a book. Julian : Come on. You buy copies of this thing every time you see it. You carry one around in your purse half the time. You think it's lost on me that it was written by your ex-boyfriend? Peyton : So it's important to me. I mean, do you think it's lost on me that you've never bothered to read it? Are you curious at all? Julian : Yeah, I'm curious. I'm curious as to whether there will ever come a day when I'm not sharing you with Lucas Scott. You know what? I'm tired of this. Peyton : Where are you going? Julian : Sundance, alone. Peyton : What? Julian : You want to go with the book ... Be my guest. Get a nice suite, go skiing, cozy up by the fire, and talk about your future together. I really hope both of you are very happy. Peyton : Julian. Julian : I can't do this anymore, Peyton. I don't want to. Goodbye. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : Nice Brooke would like to apologize for the way that evil Brooke acted this morning. Owen : Well, you should've stuck around. I mean, you haven't lived until you've been naked in the back of a squad car that smells like bum piss. Brooke : How about you just keep whatever gift you were bringing today, and we call this whole mess even? Owen : I didn't bring a gift, and I'm done bringing them. You know, winning you back is one thing, but being led on, it's ... It's humiliating. I just came by to tell you that. I won't bother you anymore. Brooke : Owen. Owen : I'll see you around, Brooke Davis. AT JAMIE'S SCHOOL Chuck : So, you still got some stuff? Jamie : Whatever you want ... 2 bucks. Chuck : 2 bucks?! that's a total rip! Jamie : Fine. guess you're gonna have to wait till snack time. I hear we're having raisins. Chuck : That's my whole allowance. Jamie : Economics pays better! IN THE STREET Peyton : Why are you here? Julian : Is ... is that a trick question? Peyton : Okay : If optioning Lucas's screenplay is just part of some grand scheme to get me back. You can forget it, all right? I am done lying to him about us. Julian : I'm sorry. Do you really think I would blow my reputation and a studio's multimillion-dollar investment to get you back? Peyton, I left you and as far as lying to Lucas, I never asked you to do that. Frankly, I really don't care if he knows about us. I didn't tell him out of respect for your engagement. In fact, I think I've handled the whole situation like a professional. Now, if you don't mind. I think my date should probably be here any minute. Peyton... why did you lie to Lucas? Because if it's a part of some grand scheme to get me back. I'd be curious. AT JAMIE'S SCHOOL Jamie : It's called supply and demand. Haley : No, it's called taking advantage, and it's not very nice. Sit down. What is this? Jamie : A kickback. It's yours to keep if you're in cahoots. Haley : I most certainly am not in cahoots. Didn't you learn anything from your pooky wooky book? Treating your friends well is more important than extorting them. Jamie : What's extorting? Haley : I think you've learned enough economics for one day. Jamie : I just want to buy daddy a slamball trophy. Haley : All right. You're a sweet kid, even if you are too smart for your own good sometimes. Jamie : So we're in cahoots? Haley : No. no. we're not in cahoots. I'm gonna spank your little cahoots If you don't go out there and give all your friends their money back right now. AT SLAMBALL GAME Team : One. two. three. Slashers! Nathan : Let's go. Owen : Who are you looking for? Nathan : Nobody. This scout, he was supposed to show up. I guess he couldn't make it. Owen : This whole time, I thought you were showing off for me. Nathan : That's funny. I thought you were showing off for Brooke. Owen : Looks like we were both showing off for people who don't care. What do you say we play these last five minutes. For the people who do? Nathan : You're on. AT THE RIVER COURT Dan : The cemetery called. Apparently, somebody gave my tombstone a makeover. Any idea who'd do something like that? Lucas : What happened in the hallway? Dan : I assume you mean... Lucas : Keith. I've been asked to adapt my novel for a movie. They want me to write what happened. I can't do it. I can't see it and I can't understand it. Dan : Keith was holding jimmy Edwards in the hallway. He turned, and I shot him dead before he could say a word. Keith was a hero. You want to write the truth, you write it that way. Why'd you do it? Every good story needs a villain, Lucas. I'm sorry, but I'm yours. AT SLAMBALL GAME Jamie : I'm worried about daddy. Haley : Yeah, me too, buddy, but the game's almost over, okay? Brooke : Do you know what I haven't had in my lap lately? Sam : It's not really a secret. Brooke : A Jamie Scott. Sam : Sorry about teaching Jamie how to make money off of his friends. I just wanted him to think I was cool. I ... Didn't mean to get him in trouble. Haley : You know, Jamie really looks up to you. You've got a great opportunity to be a role model to him. You just have to choose it, and that takes a commitment to making good choices for both of you. Just think about that next time. Sam : Sorry. Coach : Time-out! Time-out! Owen, you're out. Nathan : I'm fine! Coach : Owen, come on, man. listen, take a seat. Nathan : Take a seat. I appreciate you being my guardian angel, But I can take it from here, all right? I got this. Jerome : Me, you, 15 seconds and one basket, Scott. That sound familiar? Nathan : Yeah, only one tiny difference. Unlike you, I won't choke. Jamie : Ugh. daddy. Nathan : Hey. I'm fine, see? I'm all right. Jamie : Don't play slamball anymore, daddy. AT OWEN'S CAR Brooke : Hi. Owen : I liked it better when you were naked. Brooke : I liked it better when you were a guy I thought I could count on. I'm sorry. I should've never let you bring me presents if I wasn't totally sure I saw a future with us. Owen : What do you see now? Brooke : I see my foster child acting like a total idiot. I have my work cut out for me with that one. Owen : Brooke. I'm crazy about you. Brooke : And I think you are a truly great guy. Who has the potential to be a great boyfriend. Owen : Just not your boyfriend. Brooke : I didn't say that. It's just that right now, I have the opportunity to be a great role model for Sam. And that means I have to put her first. Owen : I can respect that. What about down the road? Brooke : For a guy like you ... I might just come crawling back. I'll see ya. Owen : Playstation, pizza, pinball, pie. My video game, fast food, arcade, and dessert preferences. Brooke : I'll keep those in mind. AT OWEN'S CAR Lucas : I wrote it. Julian : Oh, you're not gonna regret it. I'm right about this, Luke. You got to trust me. Hey, come in. Come in. I got to take this. Bobby, yeah. yeah. The script is on its way, and you are going to love it. Yeah, he wrote the scene. Of course it's great. he's a great writer. Yeah, no, you've got nothing to worry about. AT MOUTH'S OFFICE Mouth : I think I'm cashing in. Gigi : Oh, come on. We've got everything we need to pull an all-nighter. Food, coffee. We have beer ... Had beer. Mouth : Yeah, it sounds like fun, but I should get home. Gigi : Don't. Mouth : Gigi, I have a girlfriend. Gigi : And she doesn't have to know. I'm not trying to be your girlfriend, Mouth. I'm just trying to be the girl you pull a crazy all-nighter that nobody ever has to find out about with. AT TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL Brooke : Come on. I'm proud of you for this. You know, it's one thing to admit your mistakes, but it's another to make them right. What... is your grand plan? Sam : Let's jet. Brooke : You can't do that! That's stealing! There is a security camera in here. Sam : It's broken. Brooke : How do you know? Sam : Because I broke it. Brooke : Sam. Damn it. You're a good mom. You're a good mom. AT THE GYNASIUM Nathan : Hi, body. I'm in one piece. Jamie : I was scared that you were gonna be like ... Before. Nathan : Ah, come here. Listen to me. I'm never gonna be like that again, okay? None of this is worth losing my ability to hold my son when he's afraid ... And my wife when she needs me. It's okay. I'm done with slamball but the championship. I don't care about the championship. If these are the last two trophies I ever get. I will consider myself a lucky man. Jamie : Good, 'cause I gave all my profit back. Nathan : What? Haley : Your son started a business today. Nathan : Oh, yeah? How'd it go? Jamie : Well, I broke even, and grandpa Dan lost his shirt. Nathan : What? grandpa Dan lost his shirt? AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Peyton : Luke, it's great. Julian was right. It needed that scene. What made you change your mind about writing it? Lucas : Just realized it wasn't about a murder. It's about how your heart breaks. When your hero dies. I'm okay with the world seeing that. Peyton : Okay, I need to tell you something, and ... Lucas : Does it involve this? So you dated ... In L.A.? Peyton : We were in love.	Plan: A: The past; Q: What comes home to roost as the residue of deception, anger and romantic mistrust permeates the lives of several Tree Hill residents? A: Nathan; Q: Who finds himself face-to-face with an old rival? A: Brooke; Q: Who deals with someone who once hurt her? A: Lucas's novel; Q: What leads Lucas into uncharted and threatening waters? A: unchartered and threatening waters; Q: What does Lucas's novel lead him into? Summary: The past comes home to roost as the residue of deception, anger and romantic mistrust permeates the lives of several Tree Hill residents. Nathan finds himself face-to-face with an old rival, Brooke deals with someone who once hurt her, and Lucas's novel leads him into unchartered and threatening waters.
THE FACELESS ONES by DAVID ELLIS and MALCOLM HULKE first broadcast - 22nd April 1967 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR (Using a screwdriver as an improvised wrench, the DOCTOR is struggling to get the lid off one of the packing cases, unaware that his activities are being watched on a monitor by SPENCER in the secret room. SPENCER lifts a microphone to his mouth. The DOCTOR gets the lid off the case at last and finds himself looking at a body. He examines the features of a middle-aged man, who looks vaguely familiar. (It is, in fact, MEADOWS, whom the DOCTOR glimpsed briefly in Air Traffic Control.) Suddenly the DOCTOR hears a voice - a blurred distorted voice that sounds very like BEN.) VOICE: (OOV.) Somebody, help me... please... I'm suffocating... (The DOCTOR moves cautiously back towards the inner office. He moves into the office and the voice comes again.) VOICE: (OOV.) Quickly, somebody help me please... I'm suffocating... Help me, please! (The DOCTOR looks round puzzled. He heard the voice quite loudly, but there is no one there. Suddenly he spots a panel sliding shut, high in the wall - a panel that had covered a loudspeaker. As the panel shuts, another one slides open, revealing a nozzle. White vapour begins hissing from the nozzle, and the DOCTOR whirls round and dashes for the door. But it is already shutting in his face. He shoves at it, but it is locked fast. The DOCTOR turns back to the nozzle. Curious to the last, he holds out his hand to test the vapour. It is icy cold. As the DOCTOR snatches back his hand the room is already starting to spin around him. Shuddering convulsively, the DOCTOR slides to the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, SECRET ROOM. (SPENCER smiles coldly as the DOCTOR falls gasping to the floor. During this the episode titles are shown. SPENCER's smile fades as, instead of relapsing into unconsciousness, the DOCTOR staggers determinedly to his feet, grabs a handkerchief from his pocket and lurches towards the gas-nozzle with the evident intention of blocking it. SPENCER watches incredulously...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, INNER ROOM (...as the DOCTOR wads the handkerchief and rams it into the nozzle aperture, reducing the flow of gas to a few stray wisps. Again, SPENCER smiles. He touches a control in front of him and a second, higher panel slides back revealing another nozzle and soon the gas is once more hissing into the room. A little woozily, the DOCTOR studies the second nozzle. It is too high to reach, but somehow he manages to drag a chair beneath it. Then, grabbing a duster from the desk, the DOCTOR begins climbing on the chair and blocks it. He then notices that he is being watched from a camera. He takes off his black frock-coat and covers the camera with it. SPENCER studies the monitor, astonished at the little man's powers of resistance and he is reaching for the control when suddenly the monitor screen goes blank. Irritably SPENCER jabs at its controls, but he is quite unable to bring it back to life. Switching off the gas flow SPENCER opens the secret door and goes through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. CHAMELEON TOUR'S INNER OFFICE (The first thing he sees is the DOCTOR's shirt-sleeved body, huddled by the overturned chair. A glance at the wall explains the failure of the monitor. SPENCER kneels by the DOCTOR's body and is in the process of lifting the body up to drag it away when something cold and metallic touches the back of his neck and he knows no more... The DOCTOR bounds to his feet, slipping the pen-like freezing device into his pocket. He snatches his coat from the wall and dashes out of the office and through the hangar, past the crate with MEADOWS's frozen body and out onto the tarmac.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. GATWICK AIRPORT (We see a plane landing and a view of the main building. It is clear that we are moving from the hangar to the main concourse.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK (Near the kiosk, while ANN DAVIDSON is dealing with some young customers, CROSSLAND has been talking to JAMIE and SAMANTHA and it is clear that they have told their stories to him. SAMANTHA obviously feels her problem is being pushed aside as she speaks.) SAMANTHA: Yeah, but what about me brother? CROSSLAND: I'm afraid I've got something more serious to look into first Miss. If this young man's telling the truth, a colleague of mine's been murdered. (Suddenly JAMIE spots the DOCTOR hurrying across the concourse towards them. His hair is all in a mess. JAMIE jumps up.) JAMIE: Ah, Doctor! There's a man here wants to talk to you. DOCTOR: (Worried and preoccupied.) Oh, who is he? JAMIE: Err... CROSSLAND: There you are sir. (CROSSLAND holds out his warrant card and the DOCTOR peers at it.) DOCTOR: Detective-Inspector Crossland... Scotland Yard! JAMIE: Aye, I've told him everything. (CROSSLAND produces a photograph.) CROSSLAND: Have you ever seen that man? (The DOCTOR studies the picture.) DOCTOR: Well that's the man we found in the Chameleon Tours hangar! [SCENE_BREAK] 7. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, INNER ROOM (SPENCER is just recovering from the effects of the freezer-gun when BLADE strides into the hangar office.) BLADE: The Doctor's body. Where is it? SPENCER: (Getting slowly to his feet.) He... escaped. His intelligence is far above normal beings. BLADE: Above yours, perhaps. (BLADE looks at his watch.) BLADE: I must leave, the flight to Zurich is ready to take-off. You will remain here. SPENCER: For what purpose? BLADE: To atone for your incompetence. The Doctor must die - and you must do it. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK CROSSLAND: All right then Doctor, we'll go and see the Commandant. I want him to hear your story. DOCTOR: Well he... he wasn't every impressed with it the last time. CROSSLAND: (Firmly.) This time, he's going to believe you! (The DOCTOR rises.) DOCTOR: Well, if you think so. Jamie, stay here and keep an eye on the kiosk. We shan't be long. (A little belatedly, CROSSLAND turns to SAMANTHA.) CROSSLAND: And don't worry about your brother, Miss. We'll find him for you! (The DOCTOR and CROSSLAND hurry away. SAMANTHA gives JAMIE a disgusted look.) SAMANTHA: A fat lot of good that Inspector's going to be. JAMIE: Ah, but he believes us. SAMANTHA: Oh yeah, but that doesn't mean to say he's going to do anything. (She jumps up.) SAMANTHA: I think I'll go and have a look round that Chameleon Hangar. (JAMIE gets up too.) JAMIE: Ah, not by yourself! SAMANTHA: Well, I suppose it would be better if I had a man with me. JAMIE: Aye! Oh, if only the Doctor hadn't told me to watch this place. SAMANTHA: (Crossly.) Oh, do you always do everything you're told? JAMIE: No! But the Doctor trusts me. SAMANTHA: (Airily.) Yeah, that's your trouble isn't it. All right stay here. (She gives him a pathetic look.) SAMANTHA: After all, they can only murder me. Ta-ra. (She turns to go. JAMIE is torn. He hates the thought of letting the Doctor down, but it is against his chivalrous nature to let a young lady go unescorted into danger.) JAMIE: Don... Oh... Wait a minute. I don't suppose anything will happen here, do you? SAMANTHA: Well since they closed the kiosk, it's hardly likely. JAMIE: And we won't be long away, will we? SAMANTHA: (Briskly.) Well, that depends on what we find. Ar, come on kid! JAMIE: In any case, you'll need me to show you the way there! [SCENE_BREAK] 9. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (While the controllers look after the planes, JEAN turns around and looks on as CROSSLAND and the COMMANDANT talk to the DOCTOR.) COMMANDANT: (Wearily.) All right, all right, I'll accept that you found a body. But I still want to know where you come from, and why you have no passport. DOCTOR: Oh, but surely that's unimportant... COMMANDANT: It is not unimportant to break the law! CROSSLAND: Sir, I think we're going to have to let him tell us in his own way. COMMANDANT: Oh very well. Make it brief! DOCTOR: Thank you. I have just carried out a search of the Chameleon Tours hangar. In a packing case, I found the body of a man. CROSSLAND: You never told me that, Doctor. Another dead man! DOCTOR: No, he was in a stupefied state, a sort of coma. COMMANDANT: Who was this one? DOCTOR: I don't know his name but I have a feeling he's one of your employees. COMMANDANT: Oh, indeed. DOCTOR: In fact, I think he may be in here. (He goes down to the controllers and takes a look at CHAMELEON-MEADOWS.) CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Taxi, following southern taxi way for departure runway two-seven... (CHAMELEON-MEADOWS turns and looks at him. The DOCTOR turns away and goes back to the other two. He takes out the pen that he took from SPENCER.) DOCTOR: Do you know what this is? COMMANDANT: It looks like a fountain pen to me. DOCTOR: Things are not always what they seem. (CROSSLAND tries to take the object from the DOCTOR's hand.) DOCTOR: Oh careful! It's dangerous. Chameleon Tours are not quite what they seem either. (The COMMANDANT looks baffled.) COMMANDANT: No, and what's your theory? DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid you won't believe it when you hear it. First, Inspector Gascoigne was murdered with a ray gun. However... CROSSLAND: A ray gun? DOCTOR: A weapon that has not yet been developed on this Earth. COMMANDANT: (Snorts.) Oh, really! DOCTOR: There you are, you see, I knew you wouldn't believe it, what's the use? (Strange as his story is, CROSSLAND finds there is something oddly convincing about the little man's evident sincerity.) CROSSLAND: No, now be patient, sir, we are trying to understand you. (The DOCTOR draws a deep breath.) DOCTOR: Very well. Next, I believe Chameleon Tours to be merely a front, a cover. COMMANDANT: For what? DOCTOR: For the mass kidnapping of young people. COMMANDANT: And is all this supposed to be taking place in my Airport? DOCTOR: Yes - at this very moment! (The COMMANDANT turns to CROSSLAND.) COMMANDANT: Oh, that's quite enough. Can't you take that fellow into custody? (CROSSLAND shakes his head.) CROSSLAND: Well, I'm very sorry, sir, but you know he hasn't broken any law, except for this immigration business, and that's not my responsibility. DOCTOR: But Brian Briggs is your responsibility. COMMANDANT: And who is he? DOCTOR: He is a young man who went on a Chameleon Tour and vanished. CROSSLAND: Ah now, come on Doctor, wait a minute. We're not certain of that yet. DOCTOR: Well, he's nowhere to be found. CROSSLAND: No. DOCTOR: And neither are my two friends! Which to my mind proves my point. Chameleon Tours are a cover for the abducting of young people. COMMANDANT: (Sarcastically.) And just where do you think they're taking them? DOCTOR: Well, in view of the facts that I've already presented, the ray gun, this pen and err... one or two other things. I think we're dealing with people who are not from this planet. COMMANDANT: That hardly answers my que... (He brakes off as he realises the full implications of the DOCTOR's remark.) COMMANDANT: What did you say? DOCTOR: (Sadly.) You see, I knew you wouldn't believe me. COMMANDANT: Oh, this is absolute, arrant nonsense! CROSSLAND: (Sceptical.) Um, look Doctor, I think you ought to produce some evidence to support all this. DOCTOR: Evidence! What about this pen? (The DOCTOR brandishes the pen-like device still in his hand.) COMMANDANT: A pen! Do you call that evidence? DOCTOR: I'll demonstrate it for you. (The DOCTOR looks round. It is a quiet moment in Air Traffic Control and one of the operators has come back from the canteen with a tray of tea which he is passing out amongst his fellows. The DOCTOR turns to the nearest controller, who has a steaming cup of tea in his hand. It just happens to be the CHAMELEON-MEADOWS.) DOCTOR: Excuse me. Would you mind helping us? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: I don't understand. DOCTOR: Could you hold this cup out in front of you, hmm? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Very well. (He holds up the cup of tea and the DOCTOR points the pen-device at him. His face twists with fear and he backs away. The DOCTOR looks curiously at him. There is something familiar about the man's face, and suddenly the DOCTOR realises - it is the face of the frozen body in the crate at the Chameleon hangar.) DOCTOR: Oh perhaps you've seen one of these before? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: No, no I... (Aiming not at the man but the cup of tea the DOCTOR presses the firing button. The CHAMELEON-MEADOWS gives a yell of fear, drops the tea and turns and flees from the room. JEAN picks up the dropped cup of tea.) JEAN: It turned to ice! (The saucer has smashed but the cup has not. Moreover, it seems to be still full of tea. JEAN gives a cry of surprise when she touches it. She holds it out.) DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Do you call that arrant nonsense? [SCENE_BREAK] 10. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR (There is no one about at the Chameleon hangar when SAMANTHA and JAMIE arrive, and they are able to begin their search without anyone trying to stop them. JAMIE takes the hangar, and SAMANTHA the office. SAMANTHA searches through what seems to be an endless pile of routine paperwork without success. Then leaving the desk she begins searching the shelves. On the highest shelf she finds a brown manila envelope. She opens it and finds it full of postcards. SAMANTHA takes one out at random and studies it. The front shows an idyllic woodland scene. On the other side is an address and a scrawled message.) SAMANTHA: Dear Mum and Dad, have arrived safely in the Black Forest. Will write again soon. Love Tim. (Putting the card back, SAMANTHA checks another postcard.) SAMANTHA: Dear Dad, I... (And another.) SAMANTHA: Dear Mum... (The big envelope is full of such postcards, all bearing very similar messages. Clutching it, she runs out into the hangar where she finds JAMIE prizing the lid off a big crate. It is empty.) SAMANTHA: JAMIE! Jamie, look what I've found! (She shows him the envelope.) SAMANTHA: There must be fifty postcards here. That should make that inspector do something! (The thought of her brother's unknown fate brings sudden tears to her eyes and she brushes them away with the back of her hand.) JAMIE: Aye, you're right. And I know where to find him. (He notices SAMANTHA's tears.) JAMIE: You're a brave wee lassie. No time to greet now. SAMANTHA: (Fiercely.) Oh, get off! I've got something in my eye, come on! (She starts forward but then stops.) SAMANTHA: Where are we going? JAMIE: Commandant's Office. (JAMIE leads the way.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (The COMMANDMENT and CROSSLAND are looking over the pen device in amazement. Both are now speaking to the DOCTOR with new respect. JEAN gives some papers to the DOCTOR.) JEAN: Doctor. DOCTOR: Hm? JEAN: Um, here are the remaining flight schedules for Chameleon Tours you wanted. DOCTOR: Thank you my dear. COMMANDANT: What a nasty little device. (CROSSLAND takes it.) CROSSLAND: I think I'd better get that checked over sir. (Suddenly the door is flung open and SAMANTHA bursts in, JAMIE close behind her. She hurries over to the DOCTOR, holding out the envelope.) COMMANDANT: What the devil? JAMIE: Doctor! (To SAMANTHA) Samantha, down here. (To the DOCTOR) Doctor! Picture postcards, look at them! COMMANDANT: (Shouting over the others.) ...the limit. I will not have my control room invaded! (The DOCTOR takes the envelope and begins studying the contents.) DOCTOR: What, not even for these? CROSSLAND: Why? What have you got there? DOCTOR: I think it's the further evidence you require, Inspector. (He spreads the postcards out on the COMMANDANT's desk.) DOCTOR: Yes, just as I thought. CROSSLAND: (To SAMANTHA.) Where did you get these? SAMANTHA: In the office in that hangar. You see what they mean? DOCTOR: All falling into pattern. This envelope is addressed to somewhere in Germany. SAMANTHA: Yeah, Dem Chameleon Reisen, Freiberg. That means Chameleon Tours. COMMANDANT: Just what are you all talking about? SAMANTHA: Well, you see. They give out these cards and get the kids to write home to their parents before they go. Then the Chameleon Tours lot take the cards abroad and they post them back to Britain. CROSSLAND: So the parents think the children have arrived safely. SAMANTHA: Doctor, what do you think does happens to them? (Before the DOCTOR can answer, the COMMANDANT butts in.) COMMANDANT: Now, now, now, this is all mere sup... supposition. SAMANTHA: (Flaring.) Oh, to you, maybe. But one of those kids happens to be my brother. COMMANDANT: (Quietly.) Your brother? CROSSLAND: (To the COMMANDANT.) Aye, sir. This is the young lady whose brother's missing and you see she did get a card from him in Rome. COMMANDANT: But why would anyone want to abduct these young people? DOCTOR: (Abstractedly.) Well, if we knew that we wouldn't be sitting here. (He has picked up the sheaf of Chameleon Tours flight schedules and is studying them absorbedly.) COMMANDANT: Inspector, can I have a word with you? (He moves over to a quite area of the room, beckoning the Inspector to follow him.) COMMANDANT: You don't think this fellow's a little unbalanced to you? (CROSSLAND looks thoughtfully at the Doctor.) CROSSLAND: Oh maybe a wee bit unorthodox, sir. But after all he's given us the only lead we've got so far. If you could just see your way to giving him a free hand. COMMANDANT: A free hand?! CROSSLAND: Just to poke around a little bit, sir. COMMANDANT: Do... Don't you think it's safe to let the fellow roam round the Airport? CROSSLAND: You can rely on us to keep an eye on him, sir. COMMANDANT: (Grimly.) Alright, but on your head be it! CROSSLAND: I personally will investigate Chameleon Tours. Then I'll report back to you here if I've found out anything; but in the meantime if you could just keep everything going as normal, you understand. We don't want them to get wind of anything. COMMANDANT: No, no, no, no ,no. (They go back to the DOCTOR's party.) COMMANDANT: Doctor. I'll give you the freedom of the Airport for twelve hours. Heaven help me. At the end of that time I shall expect you back here with some real facts this time. (The DOCTOR puts down the schedules and rises, looking at the clock.) DOCTOR: Thank you, Commandant. (SAMANTHA hugs JAMIE who looks glum but a little happy at being hugged.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK, INNER ROOM (The CHAMELEON-MEADOWS is reporting to SPENCER in the little room at the back of the Chameleon Tours kiosk.) SPENCER: Did they believe the Doctor? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: I don't know. SPENCER: What do you mean? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: I think he suspects me. He turned one of our own weapons on me - forced me to leave. SPENCER: You fool. You should have stayed. Now we do not know how much he has discovered. CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Even if he has discovered the secret of our mission here, they will never believe him. These Earth minds cannot stretch that far. SPENCER: Of course, the truth is beyond their intelligence. Except for that Doctor. CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: I know where he is, I could kill him. SPENCER: You're going to - but not at the risk of your own safety. We still need you in Air Traffic Control. (SPENCER opens a secret drawer in the desk and takes out a round device, the general size and shape of a button. He hands it to MEADOWS.) SPENCER: Here, take this... attach it to him. When we are ready I shall activate the mechanism with this. (SPENCER takes a small black box from the drawer and slips it into his pocket.) SPENCER: That should put paid to him once and for all. CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Very well. SPENCER: Don't delay. I want him dead before Captain Blade returns. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (The DOCTOR, JAMIE & SAMANTHA are waiting by a deck watching the radar. Meanwhile JEAN fills out and stamps the passes the COMMANDANT has rather grudgingly signed.) JEAN: Doctor, I have made out a pass for you and for your two friends. DOCTOR: Thank you very much. (He stands for a moment obviously wondering what he should do next. One of the controllers, HESLINGTON, comes over to him.) HESLINGTON: Excuse me, sir. There's a Chameleon flight coming in now. DOCTOR: Ah. (The DOCTOR follows him over to his console, and HESLINGTON turns up the gain on a speaker. BLADE's voice comes over the intercom.) BLADE: Alpha Delta Sierra XRay Lima calling Gatwick Airport Control. HESLINGTON: Gatwick Control to Alpha Delta Sierra XRay Lima. (CHAMELEON-MEADOWS comes over and stands by the technician at a console close by.) HESLINGTON: Gatwick Control to Alpha Delta Sierra XRay Lima. I will now give you your heading. (The DOCTOR turns to JEAN who is at his elbow.) DOCTOR: How many flights do they use a day? JEAN: Seven or eight. DOCTOR: How many planes do they use? JEAN: Four. I could get their registration numbers if you like? Why do you ask? DOCTOR: Eight flights a day and only four planes. Is that normal? JEAN: Oh yes. They have a very quick turn-round. I mean, after all they're only on short haul flights. You know, all the holiday centres: Spain, Rome, Athens, the Black Forest... COMMANDANT: (At his desk.) Jean, where's the file on winter schedules. JEAN: Excuse me. (She goes back to her desk and the DOCTOR stands studying the radar screen in front of him.) DOCTOR: Which is the Chameleon plane? (HESLINGTON indicates a blip.) HESLINGTON: Oh that one, sir. Look, he's turning left at Dunsfold. I shall hold him now over Epsom until I can give him landing clearance. DOCTOR: What's the range of your radar? HESLINGTON: Hundred and thirty miles, sir. Why? DOCTOR: Oh, I was just wondering when this plane first appeared? HESLINGTON: I've no idea, sir. We don't notice them 'til they start to call in. Oh excuse me a moment. (He speaks into his mike.) HESLINGTON: Gatwick Control to Alpha Delta Sierra XRay Lima. [SCENE_BREAK] 14. PLANE IN AIR HESLINGTON: (OOV.) Climb to ten thousand feet and hold in Epsom control zone to wait landing clearance. (BLADE repeats the instructions.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM BLADE: (OOV.) Alpha Delta Sierra XRay Lima to Gatwick Airport. Climbing to ten thousand feet and holding. HESLINGTON: Ah, you were saying sir? DOCTOR: How long do you hold them after take off? HESLINGTON: Once they've left Gatwick control zone we've finished with them. DOCTOR: Oh I see. That means they might be anywhere. (Unable to relax with the DOCTOR about, the COMMANDANT comes over.) COMMANDANT: Aren't you rather wasting your twelve hours, hanging around here disturbing my people? DOCTOR: I don't think I've been wasting a minute, but ah, I'll go if you insist. (He turns to JAMIE and SAMANTHA.) DOCTOR: Sam! Jamie! (As he moves away, CHAMELEON-MEADOWS moves too. He bumps into the DOCTOR, grips his shoulder to steady himself and manages to slip the button device beneath the lapel of the DOCTOR's coat, where it clings, almost invisibly.) CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Sorry. DOCTOR: Oh it's all right. It's quite my fault. Haven't I met you somewhere before? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: I don't think so. (The DOCTOR smiles.) DOCTOR: You must have a double. (Leaving Meadows looking distinctly uneasy, the DOCTOR leads SAMANTHA and JAMIE away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. RUNWAY (We see a plane landing.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK (The Chameleon Tours kiosk is open again now, and SPENCER is behind the desk. He looks up as CROSSLAND approaches.) SPENCER: (To a customer.) OK? Thank you. CROSSLAND: Excuse me. Are you the Manager? SPENCER: I'm looking after bookings. Can I help? (CROSSLAND produces his warrant card.) CROSSLAND: I'd rather rather like to speak to the man in charge. SPENCER: Err... CROSSLAND: I'm a police officer. SPENCER: Is there some trouble? CROSSLAND: I'd prefer to speak to the person in charge. SPENCER: Well that's Captain Blade. He's um, just returned from one flight - he's taking off for another. He's rather busy at the moment. CROSSLAND: Perhaps I could go out to the plane. (It is quite obvious that CROSSLAND has no intention of being put off.) SPENCER: I'll err, have to see about that. Just a moment please. (...and he disappears into the back of the kiosk.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK, INNER OFFICE (SPENCER switches on a monitor and BLADE's face appears.) SPENCER: A detective wants to see you. BLADE: Does he suspect anything? SPENCER: I don't know. BLADE: All right, send him over to the plane. We'll deal with him. [SCENE_BREAK] 19. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, INNER OFFICE (This time the DOCTOR and JAMIE are searching the Chameleon hangar office while SAMANTHA goes off to telephone her worried parents. JAMIE stares at the wall, then gives the DOCTOR a disbelieving look.) JAMIE: Are you sure this is the right room, Doctor? DOCTOR: Jamie, have you ever known me to be mistaken? JAMIE: (Emphatically.) Aye. DOCTOR: Hey. Now watch out. JAMIE: What? DOCTOR: That's the wall the gas-nozzles came out of. JAMIE: Well, there's nothing here now! (The DOCTOR checks the wall.) DOCTOR: You're right. Well that's clever. That's very clever. Oh well, makes life simpler for us. Now... (He moves to the wall.) DOCTOR: ...the man I froze came from here somewhere. JAMIE: Aye, he would. A solid wall. DOCTOR: Well somewhere in that solid wall there's a door. JAMIE: Aye, and we still haven't found Ben and Polly. What do you think's happened to them? DOCTOR: I don't know. P.. p.. perhaps if we find that... that door, we'll find them. Come on, you take that end and I'll take this. (He points to different ends of the wall.) JAMIE: Right. (JAMIE and the DOCTOR start removing various items from shelves along the walls.) DOCTOR: We must hurry. Inspector Crossland's keeping them busy at the moment, but he'll be no match for them. If he presses them too far... [SCENE_BREAK] 20. CHAMELEON PLANE (CROSSLAND is standing in the small but full first class section, just behind the flight deck. From the main section of the plane there comes the low hum of chatter and occasionally a burst of laughter. The rest of the plane is full of excited young people. Captain BLADE is standing by the doorway to the flight deck with ANN DAVIDSON, now in the uniform of a stewardess who is now taking passengers' coats.) BLADE: You'll find that the whole plane conforms strictly to the International Standards of air safety. I can't think why anybody should have complained about us? CROSSLAND: Did I say anyone had complained? I'm not enquiring about safety. My enquires are about a missing boy, a passenger on one of your flights, and there's also the business of a colleague of mine, Detective Inspector Gascoigne, who was last seen in your hangar. He's believed to have been murdered. BLADE: That is indeed a much more serious matter. CROSSLAND: Aye, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to hold up this flight a while, while I ask you some questions. If you wouldn't mind coming to the Commandant's office? BLADE: Well if you'll just excuse me for a moment, Inspector, I... have some... arrangements to make. (He goes through into the flight deck and ANN DAVIDSON follows, going passed CROSSLAND.) ANN DAVIDSON: Excuse me, please. CROSSLAND: Aye, I'm sorry lass. (CROSSLAND waits for a minute or two, thinks about lighting his pipe and then suddenly becomes aware of a rising hum of engine noise. They are about to take off! CROSSLAND hurries to the flight deck, throws open the door and steps inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. FLIGHT DECK CROSSLAND: Captain Blade... (He brakes off. BLADE is waiting for him to one side of the door, a strangely-shaped pistol in his hand. With numbed astonishment, CROSSLAND realises it must be some kind of ray gun. However, the biggest shock is that the plane doesn't have the usual controls - no steering controls, nothing except instruments and controls which don't look like they belong in a plane.) BLADE: I shouldn't move any further if I were you. This gun proved remarkably effective in dealing with your colleague, Inspector Gascoigne. CROSSLAND: (Dully.) You killed him. BLADE: Unfortunately an error. You Earth men are more use to us alive. Sit down there! (He gestures towards a chair at the rear of the flight deck. CROSSLAND sits, and immediately ANN DAVIDSON operates a control in the back of the chair. Metal clamps slide out, fastening CROSSLAND firmly in place.) BLADE: That's better. (To ANN) This Earthman is a particularly fine specimen, don't you think? ANN DAVIDSON: Perhaps the Director himself. BLADE: Exactly. CROSSLAND: Look, I don't know what you two are planning for me, but I must warn you of the long arm of the British law. BLADE: I don't think it'll reach where you're going. (He moves a microphone to his face.) BLADE: Chameleon Flight four-one-three to control. Request start up. [SCENE_BREAK] 22. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, INNER ROOM (At last the DOCTOR has realised that one of the box-files is fixed to the shelf it stands on. He pulls it to the left, and the secret door slides open.) DOCTOR: Jamie, look! JAMIE: Hey... (The DOCTOR and JAMIE enter the little control room and look around. The DOCTOR goes to the corner cabinet and opens it. There is nothing inside but a chair.) JAMIE: What's that, Doctor. (The DOCTOR sniffs the atmosphere inside the little chamber.) DOCTOR: Someone who's not used to the Earth's atmosphere. Very interesting... (He turns around.) DOCTOR: Ah, TV monitor set. Let's see what we can see. (The DOCTOR looks at the monitor screens and begins fiddling with their controls. One screen lights up, showing SPENCER at the kiosk talking earnestly to a young traveller. Another shows them a room holding some kind of medical equipment.) JAMIE: Hey, wh... what's that? DOCTOR: Well it looks like a hospital. Jamie, we're getting warmer, which is a change from the last time I was here. Come on. Let's see if there's a first aid post in Gatwick Airport. [SCENE_BREAK] 23. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK, INNER ROOM (SPENCER has finished with his young traveller and is making a routine check of the office monitors. To his rage and astonishment, one of them shows the DOCTOR and JAMIE leaving the hidden control room. Angrily, SPENCER takes the black transmitter box from his pocket. On the monitor he can see the DOCTOR and JAMIE in the office. He hears JAMIE's voice.) JAMIE: Should we clear up the mess, Doctor? DOCTOR: No. Let's get along to the first aid post. (They go out into the hangar, and SPENCER picks them up on another monitor. As they reach the bottom of the steps he activates the transmitter - and smiles as the DOCTOR suddenly staggers and collapses.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR (JAMIE looks on in horror as the DOCTOR writhes on the floor. He seems to be pawing feebly at his lapel.) DOCTOR: My back! JAMIE: What?! DOCTOR: JAMIE, MY BACK! (It takes JAMIE a second or two to find the device behind the lapel. When he does, he snatches it away, giving a cry of pain as he hurls it from him. The device obviously burned the Scot as though it was red hot. The DOCTOR slumps back unconscious, white-faced and still.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. CHAMELEON PLANE, PASSENGER CABIN (ANN DAVIDSON moves along the cabin, towards the flight deck, attending to the passengers as she goes.) ANN DAVIDSON: Please take a... (One of the passengers takes something from a tray.) ANN DAVIDSON: Thank you. You can unfasten your seat belts now. Thank you. (ANN moves further down.) ANN DAVIDSON: Thank you. Everything's alright? [SCENE_BREAK] 26. FLIGHT DECK (ANN DAVIDSON comes back onto the flight deck.) ANN DAVIDSON: All set. BLADE: Good. (BLADE switches on a monitor above his head, and CROSSLAND, still clamped helplessly in his chair, looks down the long central aisle, with row upon row of young passengers on either side. They sit docilely in their places. BLADE turns to CROSSLAND and smiles.) BLADE: You wanted to know what was the secret of Chameleon Tours. Well Inspector, see for yourself! (BLADE pulls a lever in the control panel in front of him. CROSSLAND stares at the monitor in unbelieving horror. Suddenly the rows and rows of seats are empty. The entire plane-load of passengers has disappeared...)	Plan: A: Crossland; Q: Who does the Doctor convince to trust them? A: their investigation; Q: What does the Doctor convince the Commandant to let them continue? Summary: The Doctor, Jamie and Sam manage to convince Crossland to trust them and he persuades the Commandant to let them continue their investigation.
Rebekah: [voiceover] For centuries, people have come to New Orleans looking for a fresh start. Looking to find adventure, fortune, and even love. Young society women imported from France with the promise of marrying a proper New Orleans gentleman like the legendary Casket Girls. Louisiana, 18th Century [Three French women are travelling by Horse and Carriage] French Woman: Excuse me sir, how long before we arrive at the Governer's House? Rebekah: (voiceover) Little did they know that the men who awaited them were far from proper, and not at all gentle. [The carriage carrying the three women stops as they approach a group of men with torches and alcohol in the middle of the road, blocking their path. The men are shouting as they approach and shake the carriage. The women scream until the shaking stops, and replaced by the shouts of the men outside. They look around, frightened and confused. The man inside the carriage slowly opens and looks around at the devastated of deceased and bloody men scattering the floor. He looks ahead and tries to back inside the carriage as he is pulled out by an invisible force as he screams.] [Rebekah appears in the door of the carriage with blood on her lips.] Rebekah: There, there little lambs, all the bad men have gone away. [in French] You're safe here, please forgive the disorder. [in English] Us girls have got to stick together. Now, is there anything you want to take with you? [The women abandon the carriage and the carnage and run from the scene with some belongings.] OPENING TITLE AND CREDITS French Quarter, New Orleans, Present Day [New Orleans is abuzz with mills of people in town for the annual Casket Girls Festival in which a horse and carriage is seen with people drinking, dressed up in old costumes. Rebekah is walking down the busy street with a smile on her face.] Rebekah: [voiceover] The Casket Girls legend lives on, now celebrated in typical New Orleans fashion with stylish costumes and supernatural flair. It's a yearly reminder of how woman can be oppressed by selfish men and how they can triumph when brave enough to fight for themselves. Camille's Apartment [Camille screams in agony on the floor. Davina is working her magic, removing the compulsion from her mind as Josh stands in the background] Cami: Oh god, it hurts! [Davina knees down in front of her] Davina: I'm sorry, Cami. It's the only way to break Klaus' compulsion. Josh: Believe me, I know what it's like. You're okay. And hey--all these notes that you made? It's very Momento of you. Nice work. Cami: We've been at this all night. I don't understand what's happening to me, I don't understand any of this-- Davina: But you will. I will unlock every stolen memory, undo every piece of mind control that any vampire has ever done to you. When I'm done, you will understand all of it, and you'll be free. [beat] I can stop, if you want me to. Cami: No, don't stop. I want to remember everything. The Abattoir [Hayley is standing in front of a mirror, trying to fasten the zipper on her dress. Elijah appears at the door behind her.] Elijah: Would you like some help? Hayley: [smiles] You might need to use all your vampire strength. Elijah: Allow me. [Elijah stands behind her and begins to fasten her zipper and buttons.] Hayley: Thanks. Not too many pregnant Casket Girls, I guess. Elijah: I think you look lovely. Only I would... [He touches her birth mark and she covers it with her hand] Hayley: I know, keep the freaky werewolf birthmark covered. Elijah: Well, I don't suspect any of the riff-raff here would dare lay a hand on you, knowing you're under the protection of my family. Still, you shouldn't take any chances. [Hayley looks at herself in the mirror and sighs] Hayley: All knocked up and nowhere to go. Elijah: You know... if you wanted the attend the festivities tonight, I would be more than willing to take you. Hayley: Hmm... you and Klaus are barely on speaking terms. Let's not rock the boat, okay? Elijah: Of course. Hayley: Elijah, do you mind? [Hayley motions to her zipper and Elijah steps forwards unbuttoning and unzipping her dress. He hesitates before smiling and leaving.] Main Street, French Quarter [Rebekah is at a store, searching through racks of dresses] Rebekah: Dull, dreary, hideous- [Marcel appears behind her] Marcel: Talking about the clothes, or something else? Rebekah: Why, feeling insecure? This festival might as well be in my honor. I need a proper costume, so bugger off. Marcel: Bekah- [He attempts to touch her and she throws his arm off her] Rebekah: Don't. You made your choice. You and Klaus are best friends again, you've relinquished your right to touch me. [Marcel's phone starts to ring] Rebekah: I wonder who that could be. Marcel: [Over the phone] What's up? [Klaus is on the phone walking up and down the courtyard] Klaus: A bit of an issue. It seems our little bird has flown the coop. [Davina is working her magic again whilst Camille screams. Davina drops to her knees] Davina: You should start to feel, like, a weight lifting. Josh: And your cheat sheets are about to make a lot more sense. [He drops files onto the floor, and the sunlight streaming through the window burns his hand. He winces in pain and quickly jerks his hand back] Davina: I promise, as soon as the world stops hunting me, I will find the daylight ring spell. Josh: I know, just... don't worry about that right now. [Camille slowly picks up a photo] Cami: I remember why I wrote this. I found a picture of Klaus and Marcel from 1919. Klaus compelled me to go out with Marcel, to spy on him. That's what he said yesterday, before he told me to forget. I'm remembering. Davina: Let's take you back more. [Camille nods and Davina puts her hands on Camille's temples and begins to work more magic, Camille begins to remember.] Klaus: Leave New Orleans. Forget me. Your brother was ill. You have no reason to stay. [Camille remembers the compulsion and her nose begins to bleed as she returns back to the present, where Davina is kneeling in front of her] Living Room, The Abattoir Klaus: You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to know the obvious. Our secret weapon has escaped. Marcel: She wouldn't just leave, she knows the witches want her back. [Elijah appears from around the corner and Marcel turns towards him] Elijah: Her violin is missing. She may have left of her own volition. Marcel: What did you say to her in the attic? She lied to my face so she could stay up there, thinking that you'd help her control her magic. How do we know you didn't take her? Elijah: I have no idea where Davina is, or why she ran away. Can I suggest you take a step back? [Marcel eyes him for a moment before turning away] Elijah: I can assure you I have absolutely no desire to see that child come into harm's way. She's suffered enough with this Harvest ritual nonsense. Klaus: That child, to whom you refer to so affectionately, is the most powerful witch in New Orleans. If she's fled, what's to stop her from destroying us? In fact, destroying all we've worked for? No, if she's not a friend to this family, then she is our enemy. Marcel: She is a friend, Klaus. Klaus: Well, let's hope so. Lucky for you, I know how to get her back. Follow my lead. [Klaus leaves and Marcel goes to follow when Elijah stops him.] Elijah: You know how Niklaus operates. If he perceives a threat, he can become quite ruthless. This would not bode well for Davina. Marcel: I'm not going to let anybody lay a finger on her. Elijah: Nor will I. Courtyard, The Abattoir [Hayley and Rebekah are ruffling around chests, looking at old white dress costumes] Hayley: So the witch is missing, huh? Rebekah: Walked right out of the front door, apparently. Know anything about it? Hayley: No, although I did tell her that the witch Elders were dead. Rebekah: Well, why would she care, when the witches tried to kill her in their ritual? Hayley: I think it was more that Marcel didn't tell her that the one thing preventing her from being free had been eliminated. Rebekah: So you are the reason she's run off. Hayley: Hey, I was just telling her the truth. She's the one who realized they were just using her to keep their control over the witches. Rebekah: Yeah well, I've never been a fan of the boys club. Just wait, Elijah will join them and the three of them will be impossible. [They watch Marcel and Klaus on the balcony muttering quietly] Rebekah: Used by the witches, lied to by Marcel, manipulated by Elijah, threatened by Klaus. Just like a modern-day Casket Girl. Hayley: Are you talking about Davina or yourself? Rebekah: Does it matter? Either way, us girls have got to stick together. Rousseau's [Sophie is on a table making out with an unknown man when Sabine enters and interrupts them with a cough.] Sabine: Sorry to interrupt. [Sophie looks back at the man and pats his shoulders as he leaves] Sabine: I've been calling you for like an hour. Sophie: I thought you'd have taken the hint. Sabine: You've been acting like this since Agnes was killed. Sophie: Yeah, can you blame me? It's not like I have a lot to keep me going these days. Sabine: Well, while you've been drowning your sorrows by nailing everything that walks, I've been doing my tours, keeping my head down and my ears open. Marcel's daywalkers are scouring the whole town looking for a girl - brown hair, blue eyes, sound familiar? Sophie: If Davina is not with Marcel, he won't know if we're practicing magic.. And if we can actually get her back, we can fix everything. Sabine: Sun goes down, vampire search parties quadruple. [Sabine holds up Davina's old hairbrush] Sabine: I got this from her family's old house. Feel like a locator spell? Camille's Apartment [Davina pours water into a glass and sets it on the kitchen table in front of Camille with Josh standing behind them] Davina: Keep drinking. You need the vervain in your system so you can't be compelled again. Josh: Hey Cami, you don't have any like... human blood in your fridge, do you? Davina: For crying out loud, here. [Davina holds her arm up in front of Josh's face. He hesitates a moment before taking a hold of her wrist. She then stops and spaces out as a vision flashes through her mind. Camille stands up.] Cami: Davina? Davina: Someone's practicing magic. They're trying to find me. Cami: Then we have to run. [Camille is returning from a room with belongings underneath her arm, she shoves them into a bag] Davina: There is no way to sneak me out of the Quarter. By now, everyone's looking for me - the witches, Marcel, Klaus. Cami: My uncle will know what to do. Davina: Cami- Cami: I mean, he has to know some of what's going on in this town, right? Davina: Cami stop. Cami: Unless he's been compelled. Davina: He knows. Cami: What are you talking about? Davina: He knows. He works with Marcel. They're practically friends, I hear them talk. He knows everything. [Camille is shocked and she looks at Josh who returns from the other room] Cami: No. He would've told me if he knew the witches put a hex on my brother. [Davina says nothing and looks to Josh who remains silent.] Cami: He knows? Davina: Cami- Cami: Oh, my god. He knows. [Camille sits down and Davina heads over to her] Josh: Hey, you guys seriously need to go, like now. Plane, train, automobile, whatever. Take my car, it's parked down at the docks. I'll text you the where. Davina: Put your number in Cami's phone. Most of the Quarter is shut down right now, we'll have to walk. And the sun is taking forever to go down. Josh: Hey, no tears. [Davina hugs Josh] Davina: Promise you'll met us as soon as it gets dark out? Josh: Yeah, don't worry about me. Just don't let them find you. [Davina smiles and nods] The Abbatoir Courtyard [Hayley is walking through the courtyward with two of Klaus' guards behind her] Hayley: I know Klaus told you to follow me, but does that really mean you have to follow me to the bathroom? [The two guards cross their arms over their chests as Hayley's phone rings. She lifts her phone and sees "Sophie Deveraux"] Hayley: Give me two minutes, it's my gynecologist. [Hayley heads into the parking garage and shuts the door, answering her phone] Hayley: What the hell do you want? [The scene shifts back and forth from Hayley to Sophie standing in the graveyard] Sophie: I know you don't trust me, but you need to listen. Everything is about to change. Davina's on the loose. Hayley: Figured that out on your own, huh? Remind me again why I should give a damn? Sophie: I need something from you so that the witches can complete the Harvest. Hayley: On what planet would I help you witches get more power? All you've done is hex me left and right. Sophie: You'll help me because if we don't complete the Harvest, our access to magic will fade for good, which doesn't bode well for your family. Hayley: What do you know about my family? Sophie: You're from the Crescent Wolf bloodline. Marcel forced a witch to curse them so they'd be trapped in wolf form. Hayley: And I should keep listening to you because...? Sophie: Because my bloodline executed that curse. Help me complete the Harvest and I'll undo the curse for you. Hayley: But what can I do? Sophie: I need to consecrate the remains of a powerful witch so I can absorb their magic. I know of one whose body was never found. Her name is Celeste DuBois. I believe you and she have a friend in common? Hayley: Elijah. Sophie: Story goes that when she died, he buried her in a secret spot at her request. All you have to do is find out where. [Hayley hangs up and sighs] Main Street, French Quarter [The Festival is in full swing, marching bands and people partying in dressed up costumes to celebrate. Davina, in disguise with a mask over her face and Camille walk hurriedly down the sidewalk] Davina: There's people everywhere. Cami: Just keep walking, no one knows it's you. Davina: Cami- [Camille and Davina stop as they see Klaus walking ahead of them, searching around] Cami: We have to get off this street. [Camille and Davina rush off down a side street. Marcel and Elijah are in the middle of the street talking quietly to another] Marcel: Kieran is gonna call me first if he hears anything. [Klaus approaches them] Klaus: Ah, you two look rather cozy. Marcel: Hardly, I was just telling Elijah how we're wasting time. Klaus: You don't like festivals? [Rebekah shows up] Rebekah: I don't see why not? Who doesn't love a street fair? Klaus: Sister, come to help us find our stray? Rebekah: We can't let your secret weapon get in the wrong hands, can we? Klaus: For the record, we're moments away from retrieving her. Elijah: I recognize that tone of voice, Niklaus. Clearly you have some diabolical machination. What is it? [Klaus smirks before he walks closer to a figure ahead] Klaus: Timothy... [He puts a hand on his shoulder and compels him] Might I have a word? Camille's apartment [Josh is still in her apartment on his phone] Josh: Cami! It's me. Again. Stalking you. Look, just really need to know where you guys are so I can meet you before the sun comes up. Again. [His phone beeps and he looks at who is trying to call him from an unknown number] Josh: Uh, hello? [The scene switches from Klaus in the street with Timothy and Josh in Camille's apartment] Klaus: Joshua, my most disappointing minion. I suspected you wouldn't answer the call were it from me. Josh: Klaus. Hey. What up? Guess what, I just moved to Turkey. Weirdly, they don't eat turkey here. Go figure. Klaus: You're lying. In fact Marcel and I were just chatting about your failed double agent status, and we've surmised that you're likely still in town and in the company of a friend - a young, angry witch. Josh: Nope. Nope. No witches here. Totally digging Turkey, though. Klaus: Are you really going to leave Davina's fiddler soul mate, Timothy alone with me? Oh, Josh. What would she think of that? I assure you I just wanna talk to her. Tim and I will be at the compound. I really do hope she comes home soon. [Klaus hangs up] [SCENE_BREAK] St Anne's Church [Davina and Cami enter the church] Davina: We should keep moving. How long do we have to wait? Cami: Give it a few minutes, then I'll check to see if the coast is clear. [Cami's phone vibrates. She picks it up.] Cami: Josh, sorry I missed your calls. [pause] What? [The shots alternate between Cami in the church and Josh at Cami's place.] Josh: Look, I didn't want to tell you, but I know Klaus. If Davina doesn't show up, he'll kill Tim. Cami: We'll think of something. Make your way to the Quarter. Stay hidden. We'll text you when we have a plan. [They hang up] Davina: I have to go. Cami: Davina, wait. Davina: I can't let Tim die. [Davina senses another flash of magic] Cami: What's wrong? Davina: The witches. [The latches on the church doors clank loudly. The witches enter, chanting.] Witches: Gadyen nan balans. Gadyen nan la foi. Se pou nou fe sa yo dwe fe. Davina: NO! [The church's foundations begin to tremble. Davina levitates the witches, including Sabine, then snaps their necks using her magic. They fall to the ground, dead. Davina goes to Cami, who lies on the ground.] Davina: Cami? [Cami doesn't budge, Davina leaves the church] MIKAELSON MANSION [Hayley enters the house, her two bodyguards in her wake.] Hayley: I'm just grabbing some clothes. Give me two minutes, please? [Hayley goes to a trunk and pulls out Elijah's journal. She looks for anything about Celeste, and reads several passages.] Elijah: [voiceover] Celeste entrances me... She is perfection... She is dead. Even as the sun rises, I see only night. But for the promise I made to her, that in death, I would bury her far from the mayhem of witches, vampires, and men... Hayley: I am so sorry, Elijah. THE FRENCH QUARTER [Davina hurries through the festive streets of the Quarter when Josh finds her.] Josh: Hey, it's just me. Don't, like, melt me. Davina: What are you doing? You're supposed to be hidden. Josh: Yeah. So are you, remember, but you're kind of working that whole "girl on a mission" look that makes me nervous. Are you sure that you really want to mess with, like, the baddest dude in all of history? Davina: He messed with me when he took Tim. I'll kill him, all of them. Josh: Davina, Originals can't be killed. Davina: Maybe they can. I have so much power, I've never felt anything like it before. It's growing, gathering inside me. I'm strong, Josh. Josh: If you kill them, then-- Davina: What? Josh: If you're gonna do it, don't hold back. You hit them with all you got. [Davina leaves. Rebekah startles Josh by appearing suddenly] Rebekah: That was very sweet, not telling Davina that if she kills Klaus, you die, too, very noble. Problem is, she goes after my brother, she'll be the one who ends up dead. A very unnecessary end to an already tragic story. Perhaps you'd like to help me help her. THE ABATTOIR Klaus: Where's Rebekah gotten off to? Elijah: It's not Rebekah that I'm concerned about, and how can you be so certain that Davina will come? Klaus: One might think you've forgotten what it's like to be in the grip of an all-consuming infatuation. She'll come. Elijah: Are the maudlin theatrics absolutely necessary, Niklaus? Klaus: Ha! It's a fair point, Timothy, play something a little more upbeat, please. That's a good lad. Took you long enough to spread the word. Elijah: Have you met his nightwalkers? Not the brightest assortment. Marcel: All that matters is, I got it covered. When Davina gets here, you two need to let me do the talking. Klaus: Well, I'm sure you'll have your chance. Hello, love. Silence is golden, Timothy. Thank you. Tim: Davina? Davina: You got me here. Now let him down. Klaus: Well, first, we have to have a little chat about you returning to the fold. Marcel: (to Klaus) What did I say, Klaus? I got this. (to Davina) D, what happened? Why'd you run? Talk to me. Hey, I can make it right. Davina: How, by threatening my friend? Klaus: Actually, that was my idea. Apologies. I've been known to go too far to make a point, But I do always get results. Davina: You pretend to be so confident, but I know the truth. You're afraid everyone can see what you really are-- an animal. [she tortures Klaus with magic] A beast. Why don't you show us your real face? That's enough of you. [She incapacitates Klaus] Elijah: Davina, you don't have to do this. Davina: You-- You looked me in the eyes and lied to my face, pretended you wanted to help me. Elijah: Listen to me. Davina: (to Elijah) You call yourself the noble one, but you're a killer just like your brother. For 1,000 years, you've fed on innocent blood. Why don't you choke on it? (turns to face Marcel) And you-- I trusted you. I loved you, but you were just using me to stay in power. You don't care about me. Marcel: You're wrong. Davina: When you lost to Klaus, you handed me over like some trophy. Maybe I should boil you in bronze. Marcel: I care. I took you in like you were my own blood. [Rebekah stabs Marcel through the chest and he falls over] Rebekah: Come on now, love. Don't tell me you were falling for that. Isn't it time for us girls to have a chat? Now, that is impressive, and well-deserved, in my opinion. Now, before you turn on me, I have a surprise for you. [Josh enters the courtyard] Davina: Josh, what are you doing? Get out of here. [Rebekah grabs Josh by the throat] Josh: What are you doing? Rebekah: Now, if I were Klaus, I would rip Josh's head from his neck, feed it to a nightwalker, and that would be the end of your friend But hurting people is such a boyish thing to do, like how Klaus compelled your fiddler on the roof, and, while I am many things, I'm certainly not my brother. It's ok, Timothy. You can come down. No one is gonna hurt you. Tim: He told me I couldn't climb down off this beam. Rebekah: Then don't climb, silly. Am I the only smart one in the room? Jump. [Tim jumps down and Rebekah catches him. Tim goes to Davina] Tim: Davina, how did you do all that? How did I even get here? Davina: I'll explain everything, I promise. [to Rebekah] Why are you doing this? Rebekah: Seems to me that you're the one holding all the cards, but you don't know who to trust. I've just proven that you can trust me. Now I'd like to show you one more thing. Won't take long. You can bring your friends. THE WOODS [Sophie is on the phone with Hayley. The shots alternate between them] Hayley: Look, Sophie, I told you everything that I found. Sophie: You said he buried her between two lovely oak saplings. News flash-- that was 200 years ago. They're all just trees now. Hayley: You want to be the all-powerful witch, keep looking. Say a prayer. Have a little faith. You can do this. [Sophie hangs up] Sophie: Ok. Soeurs et freres, mwen rele sou nou. Mennen me sa me chache. Please, please help me. I'm trying to do the right thing. THE GARDEN [Rebekah takes Davina, Tim and Josh down into the Garden] Josh: Oh, don't worry. They're not really dead, just really hungry... and I'm not helping. Rebekah: You think my brother Nik is awful? Marcel learned from the best. This is how he treats his so-called friends who betray him. Most of what these poor souls did is no worse than what Josh did. Take Thierry, for example. He was Marcel's most trusted friend. Klaus tricked him into breaking one of Marcel's rules. Marcel knows this, and yet he keeps Thierry locked in here day after day, suffering. Tim: This is insane. Davina: Why are you telling me this? Rebekah: Because you need to know who you're dealing with, who you can trust. Tim: Hey, hey, it's gonna be ok. I mean, you're gonna be all right. Here. Drink something. [Tim hands her a bottle of water, and Davina drinks from it] Rebekah: Davina, both you and I have been lied to and taken advantage of by Marcel and Klaus. Maybe together, we can get a little payback. [Tim starts coughing and falls to his knees] Davina: Tim? Tim: It was Klaus. He made me do it. I didn't even know what I was doing until I made you-- Rebekah: Made her what? Tim: Drink. Davina: Tim? Rebekah: Klaus poisoned the water. Davina: Tim? Josh: Davina? Oh, no. ST. ANNE'S CHURCH Kieran: Cami, are you all right? Did you eat today? Oh, you must have fainted. Cami: Yeah, or I got mystically cold cocked by 3 witches. Where's Davina? Does your friend Marcel know she's here? Kieran: Cami, I can explain. Cami: Vampires? Witches? My brother, your nephew, hexed by a witch.How could you not tell me? Kieran: It's complicated. There's a lot you don't understand. Cami: You hid the truth from me. You let me believe that Sean was crazy, that I was crazy, instead of telling me the truth. Kieran: I was protecting you. You saw what happened to Sean. Cami, please-- Cami: Get the hell away from me. You are every bit as bad as the other monsters in this city. THE ABATTOIR [Elijah, Marcel and Klaus revive] Elijah: Well, isn't this monumentally awkward. Klaus: Rebekah, where are you? Rebekah: I'm with Davina, and she's dying because of your treachery. Klaus: Well, I tried to talk to her out of respect for Marcel, but she made it quite clear she is not our friend. My apologies is you thought she was yours. Rebekah: Just tell me how to cure her. Vampire blood isn't working. Klaus: No. It wouldn't. You see, the poison I compelled Timothy to feed her is quite potent. It's just a matter of time for her. Rebekah: For both of them, you diabolical bstrd. They're children. We could've dealt with her fairly. Klaus: There is no dealing with those who threaten us. Davina sealed her fate when she stood against me. This was her choice, not mine. [He hangs up. Elijah and Marcel stare at him] Klaus: Oh, come on. The stench of your judgment is overwhelming. Need I remind you that Davina just bested the lot of us? I did what had to be done. Don't worry, Elijah. I remain as redeemable as ever. Elijah: So you compelled that boy to poison Davina without consulting Marcel or myself. Marcel: You know what the worst part is? It's that you're so predictable, I had to make an alliance with your brother, who I don't even like. Klaus: Judging by your expression, you have something you'd like to share. Marcel: Damn straight, I do. I got a call from Kieran earlier, right after Sabine and some witches almost got their hands on Davina first. FLASHBACK Marcel: Oh, hello. Let me guess, protection spell? Sabine: You think I'd let a day where witches can do magic pass by without one? They all should've done the same. Marcel: You broke one of my rules, Sabine, and I'm guessing that spell of yours is probably a one-time deal. I'll give you two choices-- an immediate reunion with your dearly departed friends, OR, you can do that same spell for a young witch friend of mine. [Sabine gives him a look] Yeah, you probably know which one I'm talking about. END OF FLASHBACK Klaus: So, when you slipped away to allegedly check on your nightwalkers, you were, in fact, colluding with a witch. That's very clever. I suppose I should be proud. Marcel: Eh, I just wanted to make sure I had a failsafe just in case, as Elijah expected, you started acting like you. Klaus: Except that now you've involved the witches, who, last time I checked, were enemy to us all, to everything we have, and to our family. Elijah: Davina is Marcel's family, Niklaus, or did that somehow slip your mind as you tried to take her life? You will call Rebekah. You'll tell her that Davina will recover. Do wish the same could be said for that boy. THE GARDEN [Davina revives, gasping. She turns to Tim's body] Davina: Tim? Tim? Tim, Tim, wake up. Tim, please wake up. Open your eyes. No, no. Please wake up. Please don't leave me alone. THE ABATTOIR [Rebekah carries a sleeping Davina into the courtyard] Marcel: Is she ok? Rebekah: She's devastated and exhausted. Where's her room? Marcel: No. I got her. I got her. [Marcel takes Davina. Rebekah glares at Klaus before walking away] Rebekah: [voiceover] It is said that this is a man's world, and sometimes it is. For every Casket Girl that was saved, countless others were not. DAVINA'S BEDROOM [Marcel watches over Davina] Marcel: She'll never trust me again. Elijah: Perhaps. You must never surrender the fight to reclaim that trust. Rebekah: [voiceover] But women are more resilient than given credit for. Elijah: These drawings, what are they? Marcel: She drew those the whole time she was in the attic, said they're different than what she draws when she senses magic. These ones, she called them evil. Rebekah: [voiceover] And some women, well, let's just say their oppressors had better watch out. THE QUARTER [Klaus walks through the Quarter and sees Cami walking toward him] Cami: Surprised to see me? After all, you did compel me to leave town. Klaus: You remember. Cami: Chalk one up for decompulsion. Hurts like hell, but it's worth it. Made me realize exactly why I want to stick around. Oh, and Klaus, if you hurt Davina or Josh in any way, I'll expose you to the world, and then you can kiss the French Quarter good-bye, forever. Have a nice night. THE GARDEN [Rebekah talks to Thierry] Rebekah: I, too, am resilient, and I'm tired of being oppressed. For 1,000 years, my brother has taken what he wants in whatever way he wants, regardless of the consequences. Marcel seems determined to allow it, and Elijah stands right by his side, futilely awaiting the day that he'll change. Thierry: So men suck. What do you want me to do about it? Rebekah: Despite your dire warnings to Marcel, he just can't seem to quit my brother. The two of them stand side by side ruling this city whilst you're left in here to rot. I want you to help me take New Orleans right out from under all of their noses, and I have something they won't see coming, someone on the inside. She's quite the resilient girl herself. DAVINA'S BEDROOM [Marcel finally leaves. Davina opens her eyes when the door closes] BAR ROOM IN THE ABATTOIR Hayley: You ok? Elijah: I'm better now. How was your day? Hayley: Killer. What's with the artwork? Elijah: Davina's sketches. I wonder if they represent some kind of premonition. They seem to suggest something is coming. Something sinister. Hayley: Oh, my god. Isn't that... CELESTE'S GRAVE Sophie: Hello, Celeste. THE ABATTOIR [Hayley tries to call Sophie] Hayley: Come on, Sophie. Pick up. Pick up. Wiki	Plan: A: the Casket Girls Festival; Q: What annual celebration is the French Quarter preparing for? A: Cami; Q: Who suffers through as Davina attempts to free her of Klaus' mind compulsion? A: Klaus; Q: Who sets his plan in motion to get Davina back? A: Marcel; Q: Who does Elijah form an unlikely alliance with? A: Sophie; Q: Who gets involved in the hunt to find Davina? A: the hunt; Q: What does Sophie get into when she learns that Davina is missing? A: a tough decision; Q: What is Hayley forced to make after receiving an unexpected phone call? A: her own plan; Q: What does Rebekah set in motion when she enlists the help of someone from Marcel's past? Summary: As the French Quarter prepares for its annual celebration of the Casket Girls Festival, Cami suffers through as Davina attempts to free her of Klaus' mind compulsion. Elijah and Marcel form an unlikely alliance as Klaus sets his plan in motion to get Davina back. Once it's known that Davina is missing, Sophie gets in on the hunt to track her down. Meanwhile, Hayley is forced to make a tough decision after receiving an unexpected phone call, and Rebekah sets her own plan in motion when she enlists the help of someone from Marcel's past.
Narrator: Previously on "Childrens Hospital"... Valerie: Guys! The power is out. Cat: This is where the backup generator is, but that's where most of the velociraptors are. This will teach us to play God. [ Creature roars ] [ All gasp ] 5.05 - Imaginary Friends So I was like, "Lady, if you think that Horse AIDS isn't contagious, you got another think coming... Horse AIDS!" [ Both laugh ] That's what I said to her! All right, guys, I got to go do some computer stuff in another room, but I'll see you later, all right? Glenn: Okay. Owen: I love her stories about horse AIDS. Glenn: Oh, yeah. She's gonna make a great mom someday. Cat: Yeah. I would make a great mom one day. Chief: This doesn't look too serious. I'll just need to have a talk with your parents. They're not with us anymore. Glenn: I wouldn't want to sit in a hospital waiting around for some kid, neither. No, they passed away. Glenn: Oh! It was a long time ago. Glenn: Well, it must be kind of cool to be alone, huh? You get to stay up late, watch the Johnny Carson? I'm not alone. Jasper-Pants is here in that chair. He's invisible. Glenn: You have an imaginary friend, huh? Yeah. Chief: Okay. Since he's here, why don't we take a look at Jasper-Pants, as well? Glenn: Kid, we have a special ward where we bring imaginary friends to make sure they're okay. Chief: We're taking him to the imaginary-friend ward, which is totally a real thing. Uh... Sal: Attention hospital staff... Tonight is your night. Believe in yourself. Go out there and get her back. Chief: Thank God kids are stupid enough to have imaginary friends, huh, guys? Valerie: Yeah. Glenn: Yeah. And I've been jonesing all day for a Cigarillo. Chet: Whoa! The 'Rillos are hard to find. Where'd you get that, man? Glenn: I know a guy. Japanese guy. Chet: You say Japanese? Glenn: Yeah. Chet: Ugh. Hi, buddy! Look at him! Cat: Oh, dear. Oh. Mnh-mnh. Not good. What? What is it? Cat: It looks like your baby is suffering from No-adoption-itis. That's not even a real thing. Cat: Yes, it's a very real thing. You're gonna have to put him up for adoption. What? Cat: We recommend that you give him to me. Now, before you say no, consider this... I really want a baby. Are you crazy? Cat: Am I crazy? Huh? You know what, lady? Yeah. If wanting a baby more than anything in the world because... a co-worker offhandedly made a remark that you'd be a great mom after I told a story about Horse AIDS makes me crazy, then lock me up. I'm crazy. Sure, I've never considered being a mom up until this morning, but now it's one of the top five things that I think about, number one being fracking. Okay. Can you just tell me if my baby's okay so I can get out of here? Cat: Your baby has Horse AIDS. Glenn: I had an imaginary friend when I was young. His name was Steve Perry, and he always said, "Don't stop believing, Glenn." Valerie: Steve Perry was lead singer of Journey. He said "Don't stop believing" to everybody. Glenn: Yeah, but I imagined that he was my best friend and, with me, he always added "Glenn." Chet: Chief was my imaginary best friend. Chief: Yeah, that's right. Valerie: Well, I had a bunch of imaginary friends, only they were real friends because I wasn't a loser. Chet: Hey. Sy: Okay, listen up, everybody. I'm so sorry to tell you this, but we're going to shut down this kind of makeshift smoking hangout lounge. Glenn: What?! Chief: Fascist! Chet: Fonzie! Sy: Because... we're going to make it into the official very comfortable smoking lounge. Glenn: Great! Chief: Capitalist! Chet: Love it. Owen: Hey, I just read the news on the Internet. They're shutting this place down? Chief: Yep, Sy finally realized the importance of smoking comfortably. Owen: Great. Well, hooray for that news. Owen, my boy, you're back! Did you bring the steth-poop-a-scope I asked for? Ho ho ho! Owen: Here you go, Dr. Santa Claus. Look, Dr. Santa Claus, I can't help you anymore. They're shutting this place down. Where's everybody going to go? They need help! Raggedy Paggedy broke her smile! Big-Ben-Burger's covered in ouchies! Captain Beach-House's blood pressure is 60 over 40. It's hard enough as it is. I'm the only doctor in the ward. None of "aar" kids had the "faar" sight to "staart" our names with "daarctor." Only you did it, Owen, because you're such a smart little boy. Owen: But I'm not a boy anymore, Dr. Santa Claus. Don't you get it? That's only true if you decide it is. Owen: All right. All right. I'll tell you what. I'll help you cure these guys, but that's all I can do. Oh, thank you, Owen! Okay! Sal: Attention hospital staff... if you just be quiet for 30 seconds, I can finish up. Then we can both go to sleep. That is all. Is that it? Can I go now? Cat: So impatient. Hold your Horse AIDS. You know, your baby might be happier with a more patient mother. Is this an adoption form? Cat: No, it's a standard medical form. Can't you read the removable sticker? What? Cat: Sign it. I'll look into that after the holidays. I'm not signing this. Cat: God, you're act like I'm trying to steal your baby or something. Owen: [ Grunting ] Now, you have to hold still so I can get a blood sample, Drunk Daddy. You know daddy loves mommy, right, honey? [ Air hisses ] Owen: [ Spits ] Damn it! This guy doesn't even have blood. It's all glitter and shaving cream. Well, BeanBag Boy should be an easy one. He's full of beans. [ Farting ] Ohh. Owen: BeanBag Boy has gas? What am I doing? You're helping! Now there's just two left... Jasper-Pants and Captain Beach-House. [SCENE_BREAK] Glenn: What's, uh... going on in here, Owen? Owen: Oh. I just came in here to smoke. Owen! Captain Beach-House is flatlining! Valerie: You don't still believe in imaginary friends, do you, Owen? Get me 20 cc of chocolate frosting, stat! Owen: Shut up, Dr. Santa Claus! Glenn: Who are you talking to? Owen: I was talking to Val. I called her Dr. Santa Claus because she's so fat. Glenn: Burn. [ Laughs ] You are fat. His blood pump stopped! Owen: I'm just gonna sit down right over here while you guys continue to ask me questions. Ohh! Me "haartee"! We need to sedate him. Hand me those jelly beans. Valerie: Owen, do you think there's someone in that bed? Owen: Of course not! Valerie: Well, then, if there's no one there, you wouldn't be mad if I did... Owen: No. No, no, no. No, please don't. Valerie: This! Aah! Me "haaaart"! We're losing him, Owen! [ Both laugh ] Owen: Screw it! Don't you die on me, Captain Beach-House! Don't you die on me! Valerie: This is awesome! Glenn: Hey, watch this. Owen: Glenn, no! They're real! Glenn: I can even use a bow and arrow, right? Owen: No! Not the arrows! Guys, please don't do this! You're hurting them! Valerie: Whoo! Glenn: How about nunchuks?! Chk chk! Hyah! Aaaaah! Glenn! Why did you stop believing, Glenn? I told you over and over again, personally. I even added Glenn to it and everything. Glenn: Oh, Steve... Valerie: Glenn! Glenn, who are you talking to? You lost your innocence, Glenn. Why must you rob Owen of his? Glenn: I'm sorry, imaginary Steve Perry. Valerie: I'm just gonna... I'm getting out. Glenn: And I'm sorry, real Owen. Owen: Thanks, buddy! Glenn: How can I help? Owen: Grab a schmeg-poop-a-mometer and go to work! Glenn: You got it! No need! Owen: Wait. What happened? It was Glenn. That's the power of believing, Owen! It's contagious! It goes on and on and on and on! Owen: Like that stupid song you sing. Jasper-Pants! Don't worry about me, Dylan. I'm only dying. It's no big whoop. What about the power of believing? You don't believe anymore. You've lost your innocence. I have had to grow up pretty fast. My parents died. Ah. I also found this stack of Playboys in the woods last week, which made a big impression on me. Well, goodbye, Jasper-Pants. And thanks. I love you. Owen: Dr. Santa Claus, I also really enjoy Playboys. So... maybe it's time we say goodbye. Thanks for everything. So, you can probably go die or whatever, too. I understand. But I think I still have some usefulness in me. Dylan, I will be your new imaginary friend. Oh. Um... But I just went through the whole thing about growing up too fast and the Playboys... Ho ho ho ho! Don't worry! It'll be great. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Oh, fine. Glenn: [ Laughs ] Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Owen: You take care, Dylan. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Look, I... Can you stop laughing for a second so I can have a conversation? Thank you. Thanks. [ Sighs ] Come on. Cat: Hey, guys, I'm gonna head home early. I got a case of No-adoption-itis. Owen: You looking to adopt a child, Cat? Cat: Yeah. Why? You know of one? Glenn: Well, I think I know where you can find one. Cat: Where? Glenn: Same guy who got me the Cigarillos. He lives about a mile and a half that way. Cat: Okay. Glenn: Japanese guy. Cat: Oh! Okay, cool. I thought you were talking about the orphan kid over there, who was talking to himself and I was like, "No way!" Come on, Dr. Santa Claus. So, where are we gonna live? ♪ Super ♪ ♪ This is great ♪ ♪ Thank you all so much for... ♪ Valerie: Oh! Captain Beach-House, you're so strong! [ Gasps ] What was that? Oh, I'm sorry for neglecting you, Olde Tyme Strongman. Oh! Oh, Drunk Daddy, your stubble's so rough. Yeah, just like that. You know how I like it. Oh, I love it when you drink. Oh, yeah, that's right. ♪ And performers that I'm seeing ♪ ♪ Cheers to you all ♪ ♪ Mariay ♪ ♪ You're in the bomb's way ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪	Plan: A: closure; Q: What do Owen and Dr. Santa Claus have to save the ward from? A: Cat; Q: Who wants to become a mother? Summary: Owen and Dr. Santa Claus have to save a ward full of sick imaginary friends from closure. Cat wants to become a mother.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] IAN: You guys here to sign me? CLAY: Depends on what you're looking for in an Agent. IAN: Whoever gets me the most money up front. Highest signing bonus wins. I'm one curve ball away from blowing out my arm and being washed up like you two. So I'll take mine now the money, all of it. MOUTH : Wow. Millicent Huxtable, field reporter. I'd watch you all day long. MILLICENT: This job should be yours, Marvin. You're great at what you do, and I'm just some silly girl pretending to be a reporter. JAMIE: Aunt Brooke! BROOKE: Jamie?! Are you okay?! JULIAN: Brooke! Brooke! JAMIE: It's Julian! BROOKE: We're in here! We're okay! JULIAN: No, stop! Stop! Stop! BROOKE: Julian! CHLOE: I just want two people who are gonna love this baby, who can take care of this baby. I want you guys to be the parents. NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn makes a toaster pastry. Haley comes to see. QUINN: "Toaster pastry you taste so good and yummy toaster pastry get into my tummy frosting doodle on my strudel and now I'm gonna eat you up" HALEY: Quinn? QUINN: Hmm? HALEY: It's time. QUINN: Huh? Quinn tries to gather her staff. QUINN: Okay, here we go. Breathe, breathe. HALEY: I'm breathing. Breathe. Uh, those are my shoes. QUINN: Uh-huh. HALEY: I'm already wearing shoes. QUINN: Okay, um... HALEY: Where are your keys? QUINN: Keys! Keys. Keys. Keys. Keys. Where are the keys? Those are clay's keys. Where are my keys? HALEY: Didn't you drive clay's car today? QUINN: Uh-huh. They are in the garage. Haley tries to sit in her car. QUINN: We'll take your car. We're gonna be fine. HALEY: I don't think I'm gonna fit in there. QUINN: Yes, we're gonna make it work. Stay positive. Just are you breathing? HALEY: I'm breathing. I'm still breathing. QUINN: Okay, just wait, lift your the leg. HALEY: Quinn, this is not gonna work because I have to get in the backseat. QUINN: There is no backseat! HALEY: I know. Haley is in the trunk of Clay's car. QUINN: We got this. You're good. HALEY: Quinny, I can't. QUINN: You have to, 'cause you're having the baby! HALEY: Actually, I'm not. QUINN: What? HALEY: Gotcha. Quinn is upset. QUINN: That was a dirty trick. HALEY: It was just a little test, and you need to be ready in case the baby starts coming and Nathan's not here. QUINN: You cried wolf, wolf-crier. HALEY: You want a drink? QUINN: No. HALEY: Toaster pastry? QUINN: No. Yes. What's so funny? HALEY: You tried to stuff me into a Stingray. Well, you were so not ready. QUINN: Oh, I'll be ready. I'll be ready. HALEY: I hope so, 'cause you totally tanked that test. KELLERMAN'S CLASS Kellerman returns the duties to the pupils. KELLERMAN: Do you hate me? Or is it the marijuana or the texting or spending all night on the facepage? Because most of you are failing this class. Most of you. PAINT SHOP Brooke and Julian want to find a color for baby's room. BROOKE: What color should we paint the baby's room? JULIAN: Are you getting a baby's room, Brooke Davis? BROOKE: Yes. JULIAN: Why? Are you getting a baby, Brooke Davis? BROOKE: Yes, I'm getting a baby and a baby's room. And that baby's getting me and us. JULIAN: That baby's getting lucky. BROOKE: Hmm. JULIAN: Well, blue or pink, but since Chloe doesn't want to know the sx ahead of time... BROOKE: Yellow. JULIAN: Green. BROOKE: Yellow's so sunny, though. Golden butter. Golden treasure. Soft duckling. JULIAN: Okay, soft duckling is strong, but don't sleep on enchanted forest. BROOKE: It is enchanted. We're gonna have a family. We're gonna have a baby in a room with paint called enchanted forest or soft duckling. You're my enchanted forest. JULIAN: You're my soft duckling. BROOKE: Mmm. MOUTH'S APARTMENT Millicent is disguised in a chicken. MOUTH: Aw, look at my soft duckling. MILLICENT: I'm supposed to be a chicken. A chicken. MOUTH: Isn't that how the last guy... MILLICENT: Yes! Yes, that's how the last guy got run down in traffic. I don't want to cross the road. MOUTH: Well, why don't you do one of the other stories, then? MILLICENT: Because they're boring, and I want to make a splash. Chicken suit makes a splash. MOUTH: Chicken suit makes a splatter, too. MILLICENT: I know. MOUTH: Okay. Well, how about you read me one of the other stories, and we can come up with an angle? MILLICENT: You'll help me? MOUTH: Of course. Anything for my... Hot chick. MILLICENT: Nice. I am hot. My chicken feet are sweating like you wouldn't believe. MOUTH: Ew. KELLERMAN'S CLASS Nathan comes to see Kellerman. NATHAN: You wanted to see me? KELLERMAN: Were you surprised by your "A," Mr. Scott? NATHAN: A-minus. Were you? KELLERMAN: I believe they invented the word "very" for moments such as these. NATHAN: I will take that as a Dan Scott-like pat on the back, Professor. KELLERMAN: I don't want you representing my son. I'd appreciate it if you would stop. NATHAN: Is that why I got an "A"? KELLERMAN: A-minus. And no. Your representation of Ian, or lack thereof, will not affect your grade for this course. NATHAN: Well, good, because Ian is a hell of a prospect, and he's gonna need an Agent. KELLERMAN: I didn't say I don't want him represented, Mr. Scott. I simply don't want him represented by you. ONE TREE HILL - OPEN CREDITS COFFEE BAR Clay and Nathan talk together. NATHAN: He's just so smug about it, you know. Like I'm not good enough to represent his son. And then he started into the whole separation-of-business- and-personal nonsense. CLAY: Mm. NATHAN: And then that chick from Kellerman's boat came by. She asked about you. CLAY: Who, Tracy? So not as hot as Quinn. NATHAN: So, what do you think? I'm thinking pancakes or fajitas. NATHAN: Never mind. And, really, pancakes or fajitas? How are those your choices? CLAY: Mm, because, Nate, I like pancakes, and I like fajitas. NATHAN: That's like saying applesauce or mashed potatoes. CLAY: Ooh, mashed potatoes sound great. NATHAN: You're very strange. You know that? CLAY: Mm-hmm. Totally weird. (Clay's cellphone rings) CLAY: Hey, oh. Julian. (at phone)What's up, J-man? Yeah, I'm aware it's not Jamie. What's going on? Hello? Hello?! NATHAN: You drop him? CLAY: Yep. I'll just text him back. You know, I can't remember the last time that I actually completed a call. NATHAN: Well, we've only had cellphones for like 30 years. You can't expect miracles. Hey. Tea and tea. CLAY: You know, one day, we're gonna look back and say, "remember when we used to drop calls, and we were all like, 'hello? Is anybody there?'" this is why we text. (Chase comes in) CHASE: Why do people text? CLAY: Because calling people ends in frustration and disappointment. NATHAN: No, people text because they don't like to be put on the spot. Nobody wants to be caught on the other side of that conversation when someone asks them to carpool or lend them money, or when someone tells you that they've always loved you. CHASE: Trust me, the last one's the worst. CLAY: No, not as bad as when they call and then they ask you to smuggle 15 balloons of pure Bolivian cocaine across the Turkish border, and you got bills to pay, and you got a problem saying no. NATHAN: You finished? CLAY: In your butt. Now I'm finished. NATHAN: Nobody likes to be put on the spot. They want to read it, think about it, and then respond, usually with a well-conceived lie or an excuse. CLAY: Or they just pretend they didn't even get it. CHASE: Or when you text that you love someone and you don't hear anything back, you can pretend that they never got it. You can't do that on the phone. I tell myself they're dead or just being held in a pit like in "Silence of the Lambs." (Julian comes in too) JULIAN: It puts the lotion in the basket. Actually, the line was, "it places the lotion in the basket," but everybody always gets it wrong. Anyway, what about the pit in "Silence of the Lambs"? NATHAN: Well, apparently you don't get good cellphone coverage down there. CHASE: Exactly. JULIAN: Oh, well, yeah. We've only had cellphones for the last 30 years, so you can't expect a miracle. Anyway, clear your minds, which is not hard, I know. You ready? Mm-hmm. Soft duckling or enchanted forest? NATHAN: Are you starting a band? Because I would go see soft duckling. JULIAN: No. These are the paint colors for my baby's room. NATHAN: Ugh. CLAY: Mm. CHASE: I got to go to work. I'm... GUYS: Bar manager. CHASE: Hate is a choice. Don't do it. (Chase leaves) JULIAN: Seriously, yellow or green? CLAY: I don't know, that's like asking us to compare applesauce and mashed potatoes. JULIAN: Ooh, mashed potatoes. Nice call. Sounds good, right? NATHAN: I'm so glad that my wife is not having a son. I got to go find Ian. CLAY: Text him! Don't call! Trust me! JULIAN: No. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley makes an another test for Quinn. HALEY: Quinn. It's time. Oh, very nice. QUINN: And look what I found in the garage. HALEY: Ooh, excellent. QUINN: Have a seat. HALEY: Oh! Why, thank you. QUINN: My very roomy S.U.V. is waiting outside. Let's go have a baby. HALEY: Nicely done. QUINN: Thank you. Only thing what if I'm not here and Nathan's not here? HALEY: Hmm. Brooke enters in the house. BROOKE: Haley? Hey, what's going on? Are you okay? HALEY: It's time. BROOKE: Oh, my gosh. Okay. Um, okay. Let's get you to the hospital. Okay. Okay, come on. All right. Are you sure? HALEY: Yeah, my water broke. BROOKE: Okay! Leather seats. Hang on. I just have to get a towel. Come to the kitchen. HALEY: I don't think there's time. BROOKE: There's time. HALEY: But the baby's coming! BROOKE: The baby is not coming! Just...clamp your knees together. HALEY: Clamp my knees together? BROOKE: Like you should've done nine months ago. Where's a towel? HALEY: Oven. BROOKE: Oh! Okay, I got it. Ow! Oh, my God. Okay, I have a towel. I have my car keys. Let's go. Ohh! (Brooke trips and makes fall its keys in the gutter) BROOKE: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. (Quinn comes in) QUINN: Oh. What happened there, Brooke? HALEY: Whew. Brooke tries to have her keys. BROOKE: That was a dirty trick. QUINN: That's what i said. HALEY: Well, you were a disaster. BROOKE: I was not that bad. HALEY: You were a mess. QUINN: You were kind of a mess. BROOKE: I was in complete control until this. I can't get them. We're gonna have to call Julian. HALEY: Hmm. BROOKE: Julian. Julian comes in to recover the keys. JULIAN:: How did this happen again? BROOKE: I tripped. You know how clumsy I am. JULIAN: I don't...I don't know if I can get them. QUINN: Well, gosh, I sure hope Hales doesn't go into labor anytime soon. JULIAN: Well, if she does, we'll just throw her in the bed of my truck. HALEY: Guys? BROOKE: Oh! Are you okay, Haley? HALEY: It's time. JULIAN: What? It's time? HALEY: Uh-huh. JULIAN: You sure? HALEY: Mm-hmm. Julian pass out. Brooke tries to wake up. BROOKE: Julian? Julian. Julian. JULIAN: Where are we? What happened? Did you have your baby? HALEY: No, no, it was just -- it was a little a test. And you passed...out. JULIAN: That's a dirty trick. HALEY: Really? QUINN: I can't help it. They're toaster-pastry deliciousness. BROOKE: She's kind of right. JULIAN: I want one. HALEY: Yeah, I kind of want one, too. Geez, Quinny. How many is that? CLUB TRIC Nathan joins Ian in the Tric. NATHAN: How many is that? IAN: What are you, my father? NATHAN: If I was, I wouldn't be happy with me right now. IAN: So what else is new? Let me guess. He told you not to be my Agent. NATHAN: Pretty much. IAN: Well, then, I guess it's a win/win for you. You get to sign me and piss off the old man. NATHAN: What about you? IAN: Well, I get to sign with good agents, piss off the old man, and look good doing it. It's a win/win/win. You want a drink? NATHAN: No, I got to get home. My wife's pregnant, you know. (Nathan joins Tommy at the bar) NATHAN: You too, huh? TOMMY: You didn't see my test. Chuck is at the bar too. CHUCK: Hey. TOMMY: Hey. CHASE: Dude, you're like 8 years old. CHUCK: 9. I got left back a year. CHASE: Not the point. What's up? CHUCK: Can you help me? MOUTH'S APARTMENT Mouth dresses in a chicken. MOUTH: Of course I'll help you. Just tell me what the story's about. MILLICENT: You wanted to wear the suit, didn't you? MOUTH: I did. MILLICENT: You happy? MOUTH: I am. It's nice. I feel chicken-y. MILLICENT: Okay. Well, basically they did a study saying that street signs are more noticeable if only the first letter is capitalized, not the whole name. MOUTH: They did not do that study. MILLICENT: Yes, they did. MOUTH: Someone actually paid someone money for that? MILLICENT: Mm-hmm, you did, with your taxpayer dollars...I mean, when you had a job. MOUTH: I have a job. I'm a bartender. MILLICENT: You're kind of more of a bar back. MOUTH: Who bartends once in a while. MILLICENT: Okay, sorry. Bartender. MOUTH: I pay my taxes. MILLICENT: I know you do, honey. You are a hard-working, tax-paying, very handsome, chicken-y-feeling bartender. I still need help on the story. MOUTH: Okay, well, maybe you could do something like, um, "why did the chicken cross the wrong road? Because he couldn't read the street signs." MILLICENT: Hey, that's pretty good. MOUTH: So they really paid someone for this study? Like, some firm somewhere, with supposedly educated people, did this? MILLICENT: Mm-hmm. They're changing the signs, too. They say signs with all capital letters cause people to stare a little longer, and the lingering causes accidents. MOUTH: The lingering? MILLICENT: Mm-hmm. MOUTH: The lingering on the all-capital-letter street signs that we've had since the beginning of time. MILLICENT: Mm-hmm. MOUTH: Let me ask you a question. Which are larger, capital letters or smaller letters? MILLICENT: Capital letters. MOUTH: And what's easier to see, larger things or small things? MILLICENT: Larger. MOUTH: And what do you think would cause one to linger on a street sign, the fact that the larger, easier-to-read letters tripped you up, or the fact that, hey, why are all the street signs different? Bam. Accident. MILLCIENT: Bam? MOUTH: Bam, not to mention the money they spent on this study and the money they're gonna spend to change all the street signs. MILLICENT: $110 per sign on every street sign in America. MOUTH: Unbelievable. Schools don't have art or music or hot lunches or books, and this is where my tax dollars as a bartender are going? MILLICENT: Wow. You are really worked up about this street-sign thing. MOUTH: I am. MILLICENT: And kind of the bartender thing, too. I guess I'll do it, then the story. MOUTH: Well, only do it if you'll say how ridiculous it is, that it's a ridiculous, stupid, wasteful project. MILLICENT: I wish. MOUTH: Well, Jerry loves stuff like that. You know? Just call it, um, social commentary. MILLICENT: I don't think so, but thanks. You hot? MOUTH: Yeah, you're right. My feet are sweating. MILLICENT: Mm-hmm. MOUTH: You know, if a guy plays most of his career in the minors, and then he gets called up... MILLICENT: You're a bartender. MOUTH: He's a major-leaguer, Millie. MILLICENT: Bartender. Bartender. MOUTH: That's right. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian and Brooke go home. Chloe is here. BROOKE: Okay, here we go. JULIAN: Brooke, I'm fine. BROOKE: I know. It's okay. You just got a little spooked. JULIAN: I really do think it was more from standing up so fast than anything. BROOKE: Well, you saved my keys, and if you hadn't... CHLOE: You would've had to use the spare key under the gnome statue. Hi. JULIAN: Hi. BROOKE: Chloe, what are you doing here? CHLOE: Oh, I'm making a toaster pastry. BROOKE: But how did you get in? CHLOE: I used the spare key under the gnome statue. You want one? JULIAN: Yes, but what are you doing here, other than making delicious toaster strudel? I mean, are you okay? CHLOE: There's been a change of plans. I had a checkup this morning, and, um...looks like your baby's gonna be here sooner than we thought. JULIAN: Oh. BROOKE: Oh. NALEY'S HOUSE Clay and Nathan launch a ball in a basket. CLAY: So, tell me again how it went down. NATHAN: I got an a-minus, he asked to see me, and then he told me he didn't want us representing Ian. You believe that? CLAY: Everything except the a-minus part. So, what do you think? NATHAN: Well, I think Kellerman's a bully, and we need to get Ian a great deal so he can get out from under his father and never look back. CLAY: And are we talking about Ian Kellerman now or Nathan Scott? NATHAN: I know you don't like Ian. And on the surface, there's not a lot to like. But I've been there, clay. He just needs to grow up and find some stability. CLAY: You see the past when you look at this kid. I get that. But, buddy, I don't trust him. NATHAN: So we beat Kellerman at his own game, with his own words. Trust is a gamble. Get it in writing. We have Ian sign a contract with us. That way Kellerman can't influence him or pressure him. And then we include a morals clause in case you're right and I'm wrong, which I'm not. CLAY: So you beat Kellerman using his own textbook. Nice going, a-minus. (Haley comes in) HALEY: Nathan! It's time! NATHAN: Yeah. Okay. We're just gonna finish this game. HALEY: The baby's coming right now. NATHAN: Yeah, I know. HALEY: Clay? CLAY: This is really exciting stuff, Hales, but if you could just force your knees together and hang in there, we're almost done. In fact, do you want winners? HALEY: I don't think you guys understand. I'm gonna have the baby right here. NATHAN: Yeah, I don't think you understand. Mnh-mnh. Julian told us that you tricked him and Brooke and Quinn. CLAY: Oh! Hey, look, it's a wolf! You see, now, I'm the boy who cried "wolf," too, so... HALEY: Yeah, yeah, it's true. I-I did. I did trick them. But right now, it's not a trick, and we actually need to go to the hospital. NATHAN: Are you serious? CLAY: Like, right now, right now? NATHAN: Okay, uh, I -- I have to find my keys. HALEY: Just kidding! Wolf! STREET/MOUTH'S APARTMENT Millicent reports. Mouth looks at the TV. CAMERAMAN: Okay, Millie, you're live in 15 seconds. MILLICENT: Okay. CAMERAMAN: Stand by. You're live in 5, 4, 3, 2. MILLICENT(at the TV): Why did the chicken cross the wrong road? Because he couldn't read the street signs. At least, that's what our government says. The federal government has mandated that by 2018, all street signs in the United States must be written with a capital letter followed by lowercase letters. It's costing taxpayers in New York City $27.5 million, and your city will be next. Why? The Federal Highway Administration says that safety will improve by replacing the all-capital-letter signs, because drivers will be able to identify the words more quickly when they're written in both upper- and lowercase letters in a font called clearview. At least, that's what I think it's called. It's written in big, bold, capital letters in this press release, so I couldn't quite make it out. CAMERAMAN: Sorry. I'm sorry. MILLICENT(at the TV): So, let me get this straight. Schools don't have books or art or music or hot lunches, and this is where our tax dollars are going? Unemployment is up. People are jobless and homeless and hopeless, and the government is spending $110 per sign on every street sign in America to make the letters smaller so that we can read them better? Really? Really? I'm Millicent Huxtable, and how clucked up is that? RADIO STUDIO Jerry is upset. JERRY: Are you out of your mind? You were just supposed to report that the signs were being replaced. MILLICENT: It was a dumb idea. JERRY: T-that's your opinion. We don't air opinions. Our viewers do not watch the news to get "social commentary" from a -- a frickin' chicken! MILLICENT: They were using taxpayer dollars. JERRY: Well, you won't have to worry about your taxpayer dollars, because you might be out of a job by the end of the day. Phones are starting to light up. This is gonna be bad. Go home, Millie. I'll do what I can. CLUB TRIC Chase and Tommy help Chuck to touch the ball with the beater. TOMMY: Strike one! CHASE: Just keep your eye on the ball. Try it again. TOMMY: Strike two! CHASE: You're swinging a little late. CHUCK: Well, you're throwing them a little early. CHASE: Just choke up a little. All right? TOMMY: Strike three! CHUCK: Man, this game sucks! CHASE: Maybe it's my pitches. I'm pretty good, you know. TOMMY: It's not your pitches. CHASE: Dude, I was a great pitcher in little league. TOMMY: Throw one. CHASE: All right. TOMMY: It's not your pitches. CHASE: Man, you suck worse than me! RED BEDROOM RECORDS Chase, Chuck and Tommy come to ask something to Alex. CHASE: Hey. Sounds good. ALEX: You think so? I don't know. CHUCK: Cool! CHASE: Don't touch anything. Hey, can I borrow those glasses you need but you're too afraid to wear? ALEX: I-I don't need glasses. W-what glasses? CHASE: Uh, the ones in your purse that you squint through whenever you don't think anybody's looking. ALEX: You tell anyone about those, and I swear to God I will tell them...Something about you. CHASE: You can see your cream puff in a sx tape, but God forbid they know you wear glasses? Can I borrow them, please? ALEX: Not a word. CHUCK: "Breathe in the lonely light" CHASE: All right. Let's go. TOMMY: Hey. ALEX: Hey. CLUB TRIC Chase wants Chuck to put glasses. CHASE: Just put them on. CHUCK: I don't want to. CHASE: Chuck, we need to know if your eyes are okay. I promise I won't laugh. (Chuck puts glasses and Chase laughs) CHUCK: You said you wouldn't laugh! CHASE: Come on. We're just playing. Chuck! CHUCK: You said you wouldn't laugh. TOMMY: He did look funny. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke starts to paint the baby's room. Chloe is here. CHLOE: So, where's Julian? BROOKE: Oh, he's trying to finish this documentary he's been working on. It's pretty cool. I think you'd like it. Can I get you some milk to go with those cookies, or fruit to go with some milk? CHLOE: You can just ask me whatever you want, you know. BROOKE: What do you mean? CHLOE: I mean all those questions you want to ask me just go ahead and ask them. BROOKE: Okay. What's the baby's father like? CHLOE: He's handsome. He has a great smile. The truth is, I probably would've married him if he wasn't convicted on those drug charges. BROOKE: He's in jail... for drugs? CHLOE: Oh, prison, actually. Hey, maybe he knows your mom. I'm kidding. He's just a boy. He was just as scared as I was when I found out I was pregnant. He has this picture of what he wants his life to be, and this isn't in it. I have a picture, too. I don't know. This sounds terrible. But what do I know about raising a kid? BROOKE: Actually, I think putting the baby's life first is selfless. CHLOE: Should I even be in here with this paint? BROOKE: Latex paint with biocides and spray paint are actually the most harmful, so you're fine. CHLOE: Like I said, what do I know? BROOKE: What about your friends? CHLOE: Well, I used to have a lot of friends. But I can't really do the things that they like to do. BROOKE: Like what? KELLERMAN'S HOUSE Ian has organized a party in his house. Nathan and Clay come in. NATHAN: Ian said he was gonna have a few friends over. CLAY: Ah. Morals clause, good call. NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn drinks some vine for Haley. HALEY: How is it? Is it good? You want another glass? QUINN: No, Hales. I have to drive home. - HALEY: Just one more glass. Just one more. Shh, it's okay. QUINN: Haley, no. I already drank the wine for you, and I ate the exotic cheese and the Sushi. And, ugh, I feel so bloated. HALEY: Oh, well, you say that again, and I'll just punch your face. QUINN: Okay. I'm sorry. What else can I do for you? HALEY: I don't know. Ooh! Do you want to watch "psych"? QUINN: Never heard of it. Is it any good? HALEY: Mm, meh. Oh. QUINN: What? Why were you looking at me like that? HALEY: Nothing! I... nothing. I'm just...I was just thinking about how nice it is to have you here, and...how I can't believe that I almost lost you and Jamie in the same night. QUINN: But you didn't. Katie's locked away, and the driver of that car has to live with what he did. HALEY: I can't believe they haven't found him. I mean, how do you not find... QUINN: A smashed-up, dark-colored grand wagoneer. HALEY: Yeah. QUINN: I know. Julian told us. HALEY: Well, it's like you said. Whoever it is, they have to live with what they did. CLUB TRIC Alex joins Chase in the bar. CHASE: Step away from the bar. ALEX: Why? CHASE: Because you do two things when you're feeling vulnerable. ALEX: How do you know? CHASE: Because I know you, Alex. You do shots, and you do boys. And there's the second one. New boyfriend? ALEX: I don't know. Just somebody I met. CHASE: Change is a whisper, Alex. It's a season. It's slow and quiet, and it's not very dramatic. But it's up to you. This one's on me. Your song is good. (Millicent come in) MILLICENT: What a day. Root beer? ALEX: Chase bought it for me. MILLICENT: Well, don't you have any Tequila shots you need me to do for you? MOUTH: My girl went on a rant. MILLICENT: Your girl's about to be fired. MOUTH: What? Why? ALEX: Yeah, what? Why? MILLICENT: Because Jerry did not love it, and because chickens aren't supposed to give opinion. MOUTH: It was social commentary. MILLICENT: What was? It was so dumb. ALEX: What was dumb? MOUTH: Millie went live and called stupid stupid. MILLICENT: In a chicken suit. ALEX: Nice. MILLICENT: Jerry said he was getting complaints. I'm doomed. (A man approaches girls) MAN: Uh, excuse me, ladies. I just need to know if you're, um... ALEX: Yeah, hi. Alex Dupré. MAN: No, actually...I actually meant are you the angry chicken reporter? MILLICENT: That's me. MAN: I knew it. I...that was awesome, by the way. Just, uh, c-can I have your autograph? MILLICENT: Sure. KELLERMAN'S HOUSE Nathan and Clay wants Ian to sign up his contract. IAN: What is it? NATHAN: It's your contract with the agency. CLAY: Yeah, it's a standard thing, Ian. IAN: Well, I'll tell you what me and Tommy here against you guys in a game of beer pong. If we lose, I'll sign your contract. But if you lose, I don't. NATHAN: Come on, Ian. We don't want to play games. IAN: What's the matter? You afraid of getting your ass beat, Scott? NATHAN: You understand I used to be in the NBA, yes? IAN: And you understand that I can hit any part of the plate from 60 feet away, yes? CLAY: Drink up, Kellerman. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke paints the baby's room. BROOKE: Well, since we don't know the sx, I like yellow. Julian likes green. CHLOE: Why don't you just paint the room black? BROOKE: Black? It would be like a cave. CHLOE: I know. It'd be awesome. BROOKE: I had a friend named Peyton who had a black room when she was your age. She was adopted, too. You know, you could really help me with this if you would just tell us the sx. CHLOE: I don't know it, and I really don't want to know it. BROOKE: Um, I'm sorry. I didn't even think... CHLOE: It's okay. I'm just really tired. I'm gonna go. BROOKE: Okay. Can I drive you somewhere, or... CHLOE: Oh, no, I...I have my motorcycle. BROOKE: You ride a motorcycle? CHLOE: No. I have a Prius. But the look on your face is priceless. I'm fine, I promise. Thanks for letting me hang out today. No matter what color you paint it, it's gonna be a really nice room. I'm sure this baby's gonna have an awesome life. CHUCK'S HOUSE Chase knocks at the window Chuck's bedroom. CHASE: Chuck! Hey, Chuck! CHUCK: Go away, Mr. Meathole. I told you to leave me alone. CHASE: What? I-it's me Chase. CHUCK: What do you want? Come to laugh at me some more? CHASE: No. I came to say I'm sorry about that. Okay? I'm sorry. Now put some clothes on and get out here. CHUCK: Where are we going? CHASE: Dude, it's late on a school night. Does it matter? CHUCK: Good point. Wait up. BASEBALL FIELD Chase trains Chuck to receipt the ball. CHUCK: Man, I thought we were gonna boost a car or something. CHASE: Just put them on. CHUCK: I better not be getting punk'd. CHASE: You're not. CHUCK: And no laughing. CHASE: No laughing. All right. Let's see what you got. CHUCK: Chuck! CHASE: I think you need glasses. Yep. Nice hit. Whoo. There you go. Attaboy. Whoo. CLUB TRIC Mouth serves someone, Millicent is still here. MOUTH: What are you looking at, girl I love? MILLICENT: My sexy bartender boyfriend who always helps me. MOUTH: You mean the one who feels bad about giving you the crummy advice? MILLICENT: You didn't. It felt good to say what I said. And if I get fired, I get fired. (Her cellphone rings) MILLICENT: It's Jerry. I don't want to get fired. (at phone)Hi, Jerry. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. Thanks. He said the switchboards were jammed all day. MOUTH: Oh, that's bad. MILLICENT: Well... It would have been, except He said they liked me. He said I'm a hit, and they want me to do social commentary from now on. So, Marvin. What else are you mad about? KELLERMAN'S HOUSE Ian signs his contract. CLAY: All right, just initial here. And...sign there. NATHAN: Who knew Clay Evans was the beer-pong master? IAN: What the hell? I knew you guys couldn't be complete dorks. CLAY: Complete dorks and officially your agents. IAN: I think this calls for a little celebration. NATHAN: Don't you think you've had enough? IAN: Drinks, probably. Women, never. NATHAN: Ah. Well, on that note, I think we'll be heading out. You got a bathroom in this place? IAN: Uh, if you don't want to wait in line, there's one in the back of the house past the kitchen. NATHAN: All right. (Ian sends a text to Alex) CLUB TRIC Alex receives the text. Chase joins her. ALEX: Hey. How'd it go? CHASE: Good. A few inches lower, not so good. Thanks for the glasses. Our secret. ALEX: Thank you. You mind if I help you close up? CHASE: Sure, if you want to. ALEX: I do. I miss it. Besides, I didn't get any better offers. NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn prepares a toaster pastry. Haley comes in. QUINN: "Toaster strudel you taste so good and yummy toaster strudel get into my tummy frosting doodle on a strudel and now I'm gonna eat you up" HALEY: Quinn? It's time. For real this time. QUINN: Huh? BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke looks at the wall of the baby's room. Julian comes to talk to her. JULIAN: Brooke. She went into labor. BROOKE: Haley? JULIAN: No, Chloe. KELLERMAN'S HOUSE Nathan seeks the bathroom. He opens a door, it is that of the garage. He realizes that there is a car which corresponds to the description of Julian. Nathan enters the garage and sees an alcohol bottle to the front one. It is the Ian' car. End of the episode.	Plan: A: Haley's due date; Q: What is the date of the episode? A: the baby; Q: What does Haley want everyone to be ready for when it arrives? A: their adoption; Q: What are Julian and Brooke preparing for? A: Chuck; Q: Who looks to Chase to help him with a problem? A: Joe Walsh; Q: Whose album is this episode named after? A: Spinnerette; Q: What band performed the opening theme song for this episode? Summary: As Haley's due date approaches, she starts preparing her friends and family to make sure that they are ready when the baby arrives. Julian and Brooke prepare for their adoption, and Chuck looks to Chase to help him with a problem. This episode is named after an album by Joe Walsh . Opening theme song performed by Spinnerette .
THE MIND OF EVIL BY: DON HOUGHTON 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. STANGMOOR PRISON (BENTON and his troops make their stealthy way to the heart of the prison hearing the gun battle taking place. He waves them on. The battle continues as one set of troops throw grappling hooks over a wall and then scale it. Eventually, the BRIGADIER is the only one of his section left sheltering behind the parked vehicles and he shoots down his only extant opponent. He runs to the gateway which leads to the outer ward.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Come on! (A UNIT jeep drives through.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'm going to find the Doctor! (He runs off as the jeep halts and more troops climb out. Elsewhere, the UNIT troops start to pick off the armed prisoners, one by one.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY (The DOCTOR, JO and MAILER come out onto the upper gallery and start to descend to the ground floor. Suddenly JO throws herself backwards, pushing MAILER off his feet.) JO: Now Doctor! (But MAILER is too quick and grabs JO round the neck aiming his gun at the DOCTOR.) MAILER: That's you ... I warned you! I only need one of you! (MAILER cocks the trigger, aims and a shot rings out but it is MAILER, not the DOCTOR, who falls back dead. The BRIGADIER has entered the gallery unseen from a side door and taken care of the DOCTOR and JO'S captor. JO scrambles free of the corpse as the DOCTOR checks that he is dead. He shows little gratitude to his rescuer.) DOCTOR: Well...thank you, Brigadier! But do you think that for once in your life you could manage to arrive before the nick of time?! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Smiles.) I'm glad to see you too, Doctor! (To JO.) All right, Miss Grant? JO: Yes, thanks. (The DOCTOR looks down at the BRIGADIER'S deliveryman disguise.) DOCTOR: I see you've changed your job. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, rather an effective disguise, don't you think? (SERGEANT BENTON enters directing two of his men to search the gallery.) SERGEANT BENTON: Right, down there. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To BENTON.) Well, did you get the Master? SERGEANT BENTON: Sorry, sir, he seems to have got away. DOCTOR: And what about the missile? SERGEANT BENTON: Well, we didn't... (The BRIGADIER turns to the DOCTOR with a look of horror.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Isn't it here? DOCTOR: No. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh... DOCTOR: Yes, well, apart from losing the Master and the missile, you're doing very well, Brigadier! [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. HANGER (The MASTER arrives at the hanger in his limousine. The chauffeur gets out, walks round the car and opens the door for the MASTER who gets out and looks at the primed missile. He nods to his mercenaries and the missile launcher platform rises until its payload points at the sky. The MASTER smiles in satisfaction.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR, JO and the BRIGADIER have retired to the Governor's office. The BRIGADIER is back in uniform but the DOCTOR is still in a black mood...) DOCTOR: Look, the Master has got to be found, Brigadier. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'm rather more concerned with finding that missile. DOCTOR: Well, it comes to the same thing, surely? (BENTON enters the room, followed by another soldier and BARNHAM.) SERGEANT BENTON: Excuse me, sir? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes? SERGEANT BENTON: Everything's secure, sir. The prisoners are back in their cells are we're starting to move the wounded out. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, Sergeant Benton. (BENTON indicates BARNHAM.) SERGEANT BENTON: Oh, and we found this chap sir, hiding in the medical block. (BARNHAM, confused as ever, smiles as he recognises the DOCTOR.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Lock him up with the others. SERGEANT BENTON: Right, sir. (BENTON is about to carry out his orders but JO leaps forward.) JO: No, no, no, don't! (She takes BARNHAM away from the soldiers.) JO: Come on, Barnham. BENTON: (To the soldier.) Right, Davies. (The soldier leaves as JO shows BARNHAM to a chair.) JO: Come on, come and sit down. BARNHAM: I heard...I heard the shooting and...I...I didn't know what to do. JO: It's all right, it's all over, we'll take care of you. (To BENTON.) Has he been given anything to eat? SERGEANT BENTON: Well, no Miss, we were going... JO: (Interrupting.) Well, don't just stand there, show me where I can find him something. (JO makes for the door, BENTON following.) SERGEANT BENTON: Yes, Miss, sorry. (They leave the room. An imperious BRIGADIER gives BARNHAM a hard look. The prisoner gives him a nervous ghastly smile and then looks nervously away. The BRIGADIER speaks quietly to the DOCTOR.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Who is this man? (The DOCTOR sits on the edge of the desk and quietly replies...) DOCTOR: His name is Barnham. He's the last man to undergo the Keller process and you can see what it's done to him. He's got the mind of a child. Don't worry about him. You leave him to Jo. He trusts her. (He gets off the desk.) DOCTOR: Right, let's take a look of this map of yours. (The DOCTOR pats BARNHAM on the shoulder as he passes to the map on the wall. Before they can say anything, a radio set that has been installed in the room, bursts into life.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Over radio.) Trap one to Greyhound, trap one to Greyhound. DOCTOR: It's Captain Yates! (The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER cross the room to where the radio operator operates the set.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: All right, I'll take it. (The BRIGADIER takes the microphone.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Greyhound to trap one, is that you Yates? Where are you? [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Into radio.) I'm at mobile HQ, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) What happened? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Into radio.) Quite a lot. I know where he's got Thunderbolt. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) Where? (YATES joins MAJOR COSWORTH at a table where a map has been spread out.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Into radio.) Outside a hanger on that deserted airfield at Stanham. (He points at the map and COSWORTH pencils in the spot.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Into radio.) He's got a crane, launching pad, fake troops, the lot. [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Are you all right, Yates? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Over radio.) A bit bashed about, sir, but I might just survive. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Right, stay where you are. I'm on my way. Over and out. (The BRIGADIER puts the microphone down and turns to the DOCTOR.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No need to worry about the Master any more - this time, we've got him. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. HANGER OFFICE (Smoking another cigar, the MASTER makes adjustments to the settings on the control bank in the hanger office. Satisfied, he pats the controls and smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (In the process theatre, the Keller machine bursts into life again. The coil placed by the DOCTOR starts to emit small explosion and smoke rises from the cable...) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (BENTON stands before the BRIGADIER at the Governor's desk.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, Sergeant Benton. You'll be in charge of the prison. You can consider yourself "Acting Governor". SERGEANT BENTON: Thank you, sir. (BENTON gives a small smile of pride. The BRIGADIER stands back and allows BENTON to take the chair. The BRIGADIER makes for the door as BENTON starts to shuffle papers.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, Benton? SERGEANT BENTON: Yes, sir? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Don't get any delusions of grandeur, will you? SERGEANT BENTON: No, sir. (The BRIGADIER is about to leave the room when he spots the DOCTOR sat deep in thought near the window.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, that about wraps it up, Doctor. DOCTOR: Mmm? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I said "that about wraps it up". DOCTOR: Does it? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Major Cosworth's throwing a cordon around that hanger now. I'll join him in my mobile HQ and then we'll move in and mop things up. DOCTOR: You may not find the Master all that easy to "mop up", Brigadier. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I don't anticipate much trouble. DOCTOR: Well, don't forget - he's got that rocket full of nerve gas - he can point it at any city in Europe. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Don't worry, Doctor. He won't get the chance. You coming with me? DOCTOR: No, not for the moment, no. I've got to work out a way of...destroying that machine of his. If I can step up the voltage in that coil...then... (The DOCTOR starts to mutter his thoughts under his breath.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, well, er, I'll leave the machine to you, and you can leave Master to me. (The DOCTOR realises that he has been spoken to.) DOCTOR: Yes? Yes, all right. (The BRIGADIER leaves as the DOCTOR continues his muttered deliberations.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (Inside the theatre, the enhanced energy levels emitted by the Keller machine are reaching a peak. Smoke pours from the coil and the air shimmers as the creature inside the machine desperately attempts to dematerialise. Further small explosions take place within the coil and the very furniture in the room starts to be flung about as if a poltergeist were at work. The machine attempts an even higher build up of energy.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY (Outside the junction box explodes...) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (...as inside the build-up of heat causes the coil to fracture and break - the machine is free. It dematerialises leaving behind the room in shambles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY (Two PRISON OFFICERS - back in charge - are on patrol and walk out of the side room and into the main gallery.) FIRST PRISON OFFICER: You looked up here then, Bill? SECOND PRISON OFFICER: Yes, Dave, I have. (The air is filled with a familiar humming sound...) FIRST PRISON OFFICER: Oh no! (On the other side of the gallery, the machine starts to materialise. Instantly, the OFFICERS clutch at their faces in agony as the mental waives assail them...) SECOND PRISON OFFICER: No! FIRST PRISON OFFICER: No...please...... ! (They stumble in pain as the air flares and they fall to the ground with a cry.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR is working on a circuit diagram as JO enters the office with a bowl of soup for BARNHAM.) JO: Here you are, Barnham. Drink this up while it's hot. BARNHAM: Thank you very much, Miss. JO: Sergeant Benton will look after you. (JO crosses to the desk where BENTON is up to his eyes in paperwork.) JO: Won't you, Sergeant? (The DOCTOR finishes his design...) DOCTOR: Right, that's it. That should just about do it, I think. (He gets up and makes for the door.) JO: Wait for me! (BARNHAM smiles at them as they go and then continues eating his soup. The phone rings.) SERGEANT BENTON: (Into phone.) Sergeant...Acting Governor Benton here. DR. SUMMERS: (OOV: Over phone.) It's Dr. Summers, Sergeant. I wondered if those medical supplies had arrived yet. SERGEANT BENTON: (Into phone.) Medical supplies? Oh, hang on, Dr. Summers, I'll check. (He puts the phone down and starts going through some papers in a drawer. BARNHAM smiles and picks up the phone. BENTON notices and snatches it from him.) SERGEANT BENTON: What do you think you're doing? BARNHAM: Dr. Summers... SERGEANT BENTON: You what? BARNHAM: Well, I'd like to talk to Dr. Summers. SERGEANT BENTON: Look, you go off and talk to who you like, okay? (BARNHAM nods, puts down his bowl and leaves the room. BENTON finds the papers.) SERGEANT BENTON: (Into phone.) Hello, Dr. Summers, yes. They seem to be here all right. They should be on their way over to you now. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY (The DOCTOR and JO enter the gallery and instantly see the bodies of the two dead PRISON OFFICERS.) DOCTOR: Oh my...! (They rush over to them.) DOCTOR: The thing's escaped again! JO: How? DOCTOR: Well, it must stored up its energy and blown all the circuits. Let's have a look. (He goes to the door to the process theatre.) JO: Be careful. [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (They walk in and see wrecked interior...) JO: What happened? DOCTOR: Well, it's stronger than ever now. How on earth am I going to stop it? [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY (Holding his head in pain, BARNHAM walks down a staircase into the main gallery. He sees the two dead OFFICERS.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (The DOCTOR holds up the remains of the coil...) JO: Will you be able to set the coils up again? DOCTOR: No, that'd never work twice. The thing's too intelligent. In any case, I doubt whether I'd get near enough to it without being killed. (They suddenly hear the ominous noise of the machine materialising and spin round. The machine appears on its stand and seems to draw the DOCTOR and JO towards it. They stumble, step by step, their faces contorting in agony as the machine starts to attack them. BARNHAM stands in the doorway. He holds his hands to his ears to block out the noise but is otherwise unaffected.) BARNHAM: (Shouts.) What's wrong?! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Barnham! Get out of here! Get back! BARNHAM: (Shouts.) ... ! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Go on! (BARNHAM walks into the room until he is stood in front of the machine.) BARNHAM: I heard this noise! I was... (At that moment the machine inexplicably dies down...) JO: It's stopped! (BARNHAM looks closely at the machine and then the room. A memory comes back to him.) BARNHAM: The machine. I remember this place. S...something happened here... (He starts to back away from the machine towards the door. The machine starts up again.) DOCTOR: Barnham, don't...don't go! Come here! BARNHAM: Something terrible! DOCTOR: Barnham, come back! (The DOCTOR rushes across the room and pinions BARNHAM'S arms behind his back.) DOCTOR: Come back! Come back! (He pushes the struggling man towards the machine.) DOCTOR: Over here! BARNHAM: No! (As they get near the machine, it dies down again...) DOCTOR: ... Don't be frightened by it! Don't be frightened - that's it...that's it. As long as you...as long as you're here, it won't...it won't hurt us. Right, stay there...stay there. (BARNHAM seems to have calmed down. The DOCTOR lets go of him and picks up one of the fallen chairs.) DOCTOR: Sit yourself down, that's it. (He pushes BARNHAM into the chair next to the machine.) DOCTOR: Now, don't worry. JO: But I don't understand? DOCTOR: It's the mind of evil, Jo! I should have realised... (He points at the machine.) DOCTOR: That creature feeds on the evil impulses of the brain! JO: (Realises.) And Barnham hasn't got any! DOCTOR: No, the machine extracted them all. Something in his mind acts as a screen and neutralises it. So long as he's here, we're perfectly safe! [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. UNIT MOBILE HQ (Two soldiers leave the green mobile UNIT HQ and salute the BRIGADIER as he walks up and enters it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ (COSWORTH and YATES - his arm in a sling and eating a sandwich- stand as their superior officer enters.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Afternoon, sir. MAJOR COSWORTH: Afternoon, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Afternoon. How are you, Yates? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Recovering rapidly, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Good, sit down. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Thank you, sir. (He does so.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, how's it going, Major Cosworth? MAJOR COSWORTH: Fine, sir. I've just been on to the Ministry of Defence. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: And? MAJOR COSWORTH: Thunderbolt is equipped with an abort mechanism. Once in "go" condition, it can be blown up at any time. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: So, if the Master threatens to launch the missile, we simply blow it up on the ground - from here. [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (The DOCTOR has taken advantage of the machine's incapacity to take the lid off the perspex tube - revealing the creature inside. It resembles a glistening brain, contracting with movement and with one eye starting upwards.) JO: (In disgust.) Can't you kill it now, Doctor? DOCTOR: No...no, these creatures are incredibly resilient, Jo. It'd take an atomic explosion or an enormous charge of electricity to destroy that. JO: So what are we going to do? DOCTOR: Well, I'm going to see...I'm going to see Sergeant Benton. (To JO.) Will you wait here? (To BARNHAM.) Will you be all right until I get back? BARNHAM: I'm scared...it's evil. DOCTOR: Yes, I know - I'll be as quick as I possibly can, all right? Now, Jo will look after you. (The DOCTOR pats him on the shoulder and runs out of the room. JO smiles, crosses to BARNHAM and tries to take his mind off the sight in front of him...) JO: What's your other name? [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR has given a list of instructions to BENTON.) DOCTOR: Now, are you sure you've got all that? SERGEANT BENTON: I think so, Doctor. (He looks down the sheet of paper he is holding.) SERGEANT BENTON: "Extra heavy duty cable, arrangements with the National Complex for a maximum power boost". I'll get onto it right away. DOCTOR: Well, please do. It's all extremely urgent. SERGEANT BENTON: It's going to take quite a bit of organising. DOCTOR: Yes, I'm quite sure it is, but neverthe... (The phone rings. The DOCTOR takes it out of its box and hands it to BENTON.) SERGEANT BENTON: (Into phone.) Acting-Governor Benton, here. [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. HANGER OFFICE MASTER: (Into phone: Puzzled.) Who? SERGEANT BENTON: (OOV: Over phone.) Stangmoor Prison - Acting Governor Sergeant Benton here. MASTER: (Into phone.) I see. Erm, would the Doctor be there by any chance? SERGEANT BENTON: (OOV: Over phone.) Well, I'll see, sir. Who's calling please? MASTER: (Into phone.) Er, ju...just say it's an old friend. [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (BENTON passes the phone to the DOCTOR.) SERGEANT BENTON: It's for you, Doctor. Say's he's an old friend of yours. (The DOCTOR takes the call.) DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Hello, yes? [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. HANGER OFFICE MASTER: (Into phone.) Oh, Doctor, do I gather that, er, the tables have turned somewhat at Stangmoor? [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE DOCTOR: (Into phone.) You have gathered correctly. [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (JO and BARNHAM continue their reluctant vigil over the machine. They suddenly hear a call from outside.) DR. SUMMERS: (OOV.) Barnham! (JO jumps up as an angry DR. SUMMERS enters the process theatre.) DR. SUMMERS: Jo, what on earth do you think you're doing? I told Barnham to stay in the medical wing! JO: He can't leave. (She points at the Keller machine.) JO: We've got to stay here with that thing. DR. SUMMERS: But you'll get yourselves killed! JO: Dr. Summers, we have got to... DR. SUMMERS: (Interrupts.) Look, Jo! Jo, you know he's not well and that thing's dangerous. I've got to get him back to the medical wing. Now, come on! (SUMMERS grabs BARNHAM and starts pulling him towards the door. JO tries pulling BARNHAM the other way.) JO: No! No, you can't! (With BARNHAM out of immediate range, the machine starts to attack again. They all clutch at their heads and cry out in pain. JO tries to overcome the agony and pushes BARNHAM back to his chair.) JO: Try...! ... ! (She manages to get him in place. The machine stops as SUMMERS looks on in shock.) DR. SUMMERS: That thing - it's alive! JO: Yes, and if Barnham leaves here, that "thing" will kill all of us! [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR'S discussion with the MASTER continues...) DOCTOR: (Into phone.) In spite of what I've said, do you still intend to fire that rocket on London? [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. HANGER OFFICE MASTER: (Into phone.) I most certainly do! DOCTOR: (OOV: Over phone.) Well, that would start a world war. MASTER: (Into phone.) Exactly! And then later when this planet is in ruins, I shall take over. [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE DOCTOR: (Into phone.) I see. Aren't you forgetting something? MASTER: (OOV: Over phone.) Am I, Doctor? What? DOCTOR: (Into phone.) The dematerialisation circuit from your own TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. HANGER OFFICE (The MASTER frowns...) DOCTOR: (OOV: Over phone.) You can't leave Earth without that, can you? MASTER: (Into phone.) Are you offering me a deal? [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE DOCTOR: (Into phone.) I am. Hand me back that rocket...and I'll return your circuit. MASTER: (OOV: Over phone.) Mmm, that's very generous of you. DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Leave Earth - stop bothering us - go somewhere else and be a nuisance elsewhere. Well, what do you say? [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. HANGER OFFICE (The MASTER thinks over the deal.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Well? MASTER: (OOV: Over phone.) Right! [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. HANGER OFFICE MASTER: (Into phone.) But you will bring that circuit to me here at the hanger. You and you alone. At the first sign of treachery, the first sign of interference from your UNIT friends and I launch the missile immediately. (He slams the phone down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR puts the phone down at his end.) DOCTOR: Sergeant, can you contact the Brigadier for me? SERGEANT BENTON: Well, I think so, Doctor. He should be back at mobile HQ by now. DOCTOR: Get onto him at once. Tell him he's got to cancel that attack! [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (BARNHAM sits nervously by the machine and JO and SUMMERS talk) DR. SUMMERS: You're quite sure there's nothing I can do? JO: No, honestly. DR. SUMMERS: All right. Well, I've got a mass of wounded to attend to. I'll be in the medical wing if you need me. DR. SUMMERS: Look after him, Jo - and yourself. JO: Thank you. (SUMMERS speaks to BARNHAM as he heads for the door.) DR. SUMMERS: Now, you do exactly what Miss Grant tells you, all right? (BARNHAM nods.) DR. SUMMERS: Good lad. (He goes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR speaks into the radio set watched over by SERGEANT BENTON.) DOCTOR: (Into radio.) But understand that you mustn't go anywhere near him. If he catches sight of a uniform, he'll fire that rocket. [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ (COSWORTH is with the BRIGADIER.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Don't you worry, Doctor. Leave everything to us. I've cancelled the attack and we'll send a dispatch rider to HQ to get your circuit - just in case. [SCENE_BREAK] 39: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR is suspicious of this final statement.) DOCTOR: (Into radio.) What do you mean "just in case"? It's our only chance! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) Oh, I don't know, Doctor. There are other ways of dealing with him. DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Now look, don't do anything stupid, Brigadier. He means what he says, you know. [SCENE_BREAK] 40: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Don't you worry, Doctor - over and out. [SCENE_BREAK] 41: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Lethbridge Stewart! (Realising that the line is dead, the DOCTOR puts the microphone down.) SERGEANT BENTON: The Brigadier knows what he's doing, Doctor. DOCTOR: I sincerely hope so. I'm going back to Miss Grant. (He gets up to leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 42: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, Major Cosworth. I want you to get on to the missile control people. They're to maintain radio link with us and explode the missile when I give the word. MAJOR COSWORTH: Right away, sir. (COSWORTH moves over to the radio set as the BRIGADIER turns to YATES.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Captain Yates, you'll be in charge of the evacuation. I want the area around that hanger completely clear within a ten mile radius. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Right, sir. (The BRIGADIER enters the inner office.) MAJOR COSWORTH: (Into radio.) Trap one to missile control, report my signals, over. [SCENE_BREAK] 43: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (The DOCTOR paces the process theatre in anger with JO struggling to keep up with him.) JO: But I don't see why you're so upset. If you give him back the circuit and he hands over the missile... DOCTOR: You just don't understand, do you, Jo? Once he gets that circuit back he's free to roam through time and space. We'd never catch him. JO: Then you'll just have to give in. The Master's got the missile and all we've got is this wretched machine! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Look, Jo, will you stop stating the obvious! (He suddenly stops...) DOCTOR: What did you say? JO: I said all we've got is this...machine. DOCTOR: Well, that's it! That's the answer! We've got the machine and we've got our friend, Barnham. JO: I don't understand? DOCTOR: (To BARNHAM.) With a little help from you, old chap, we can destroy this machine and the Master at the same time! [SCENE_BREAK] 44: INT. HANGER OFFICE (The MASTER reaches into the control panel and extracts part of the circuitry. He then uncovers a series of switches marked "ABORT" and starts flicking them backwards and forwards. He smiles.) MASTER: Just in case somebody tries to be clever. [SCENE_BREAK] 45: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (The cover is back on the Keller machine. BARNHAM stands and nervously reaches out to pick it up. He flinches back.) JO: (Quietly.) Don't worry - it can't hurt you. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Come on, old chap, come on. JO: (Quietly.) It's all right. (BARNHAM places his hands on the machine.) DOCTOR: That's it - all right? Now don't forget - whatever you do, don't drop it. Now hang on to it tight - pick it up. (BARNHAM starts to slowly lift the machine.) DOCTOR: Come on - that's it. Now, mind how you go. (BARNHAM starts to walk towards the door, watched over by BENTON and encouraged by quiet words from the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Mind how you go. All right? Not too heavy for you? Good, that's it. (To BENTON.) Now close the doors after us, will you, Sergeant? SERGEANT BENTON: Right, Doctor. DOCTOR: Now mind his feet... (They leave the room and BENTON pulls the doors closed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 46: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ (The DOCTOR has reached UNIT's mobile HQ. The BRIGADIER leads him and COSWORTH into the inner office.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We've tried to explode Thunderbolt on the ground, Doctor, but nothing happened. DOCTOR: What did you expect? The Master may be a scoundrel but he is a scientist. He'll have disconnected the abort mechanism. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: There's only one thing for it, Doctor. We'll have to give him back that wretched circuit. DOCTOR: Oh, has it arrived? (COSWORTH hands him a small packet.) MAJOR COSWORTH: Just arrived, sir. (The DOCTOR undoes the packet and takes out the dematerialisation circuit. He speaks quietly and with regret.) DOCTOR: Yes, that's it. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Believe me, Doctor, I hate to see the Master escape unpunished as much as you do. DOCTOR: It's where he'll escape to that worries me. What right have we got to let his loose on some other planet? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Unless you've got some better plan, I can see no alternative. DOCTOR: My dear Brigadier - of course I have a better plan! [SCENE_BREAK] 47: EXT. HANGER (A Black Mariah from the prison approaches the hanger.) [SCENE_BREAK] 48: INT. BLACK MARIAH (JO and BARNHAM - holding the Keller machine - sit in the back.) [SCENE_BREAK] 49: EXT. HANGER (The MASTER, making final modifications to the missile, looks up as the vehicle screeches to a halt. He takes out an automatic pistol from his jacket pocket as the DOCTOR gets out and approaches.) MASTER: Very strange form of transport, Doctor - I hope you're not going to try anything silly? DOCTOR: No, of course not. No, it's just that, er, Bessie had broken down. MASTER: Bessie? DOCTOR: You know - Bessie? (He mimes a steering wheel turn with his hands.) MASTER: Oh, yes! (Unseen by the MASTER, the back of the van opens and JO and BARNHAM start to get out.) MASTER: I think I should warn you that my, er... (The MASTER mimics the mime.) MASTER: ...is aimed and ready to fire. I just have to press the requisite button. DOCTOR: That's very clever. (Under the aim of the MASTER'S pistol, the DOCTOR walks over to the missile. The MASTER'S back is now to the van. JO and BARNHAM, the machine in his hands, start to edge round the van.) DOCTOR: My word, you have done well! MASTER: Shall we get on with it? Did you bring the circuit with you? DOCTOR: Oh, yes. (He takes it out of his pocket.) DOCTOR: Here. MASTER: May I examine it, please? DOCTOR: How do I know that you won't take the circuit and fire the missile anyway? MASTER: I'm afraid you don't. You'll just have to trust me this once. DOCTOR: No, I don't think so. (BARNHAM has placed the machine on the ground.) JO: Now, Doctor! (She and BARNHAM run out of the range of the machine. The MASTER spins round as the DOCTOR, with a cry, kicks the gun out of his hand. He then pushes the MASTER to the floor next to the machine. As it starts to pulsate, the MASTER writhes on the ground in agony. The other three run into the hanger. The DOCTOR makes for the office whilst JO takes out a radio.) JO: (Into radio.) Hello, Brigadier? Jo Grant here, over. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) Hello, Miss Grant, we read you, over. [SCENE_BREAK] 50: INT. HANGER OFFICE (The DOCTOR enters the hanger office and starts to look over the machinery. He can hear JO'S report and the BRIGADIER'S reply.) JO: (OOV: Over radio.) Doctor working on missile circuit. Stand by for abort instructions, over. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) Well done, Miss Grant. (The DOCTOR opens the flap under which the abort circuit sat. He starts to look for the missing equipment.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) Greyhound to Windmill three-four-two, come in to land. I say again, come in to land. HELICOPTER PILOT: (OOV: Over radio.) Wilco. [SCENE_BREAK] 51: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ (The BRIGADIER and MAJOR COSWORTH wait by the radio for the next development...) [SCENE_BREAK] 52: INT. HANGER OFFICE (The DOCTOR finds the missing circuit and plugs it in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 53: EXT. HANGER (JO and BARNHAM watch as the helicopter comes in to land. The MASTER is still held in the grip of the machine.) [SCENE_BREAK] 54: INT. HANGER OFFICE (The DOCTOR completes the adjustments to the control bank. He runs out of the office.) DOCTOR: Right, Jo! [SCENE_BREAK] 55: EXT. HANGER JO: (Into radio.) We're on our way - over and out! (The DOCTOR runs past JO and BARNHAM.) DOCTOR: Come on! (They run towards the helicopter but whilst the DOCTOR and JO pass the agonised MASTER, BARNHAM stops to help him. The DOCTOR and JO reach the roaring helicopter and start to climb in while the presence of BARNHAM reduces the machines effects on the MASTER. He clambers to his feet, pushes the helping BARNHAM out of the way and rushes into the Black Mariah. The DOCTOR waves to BARNHAM to follow but he makes the fatal mistake of trying to follow the MASTER who starts the van up and drives it straight at him. BARNHAM falls to the ground and the Mariah drives off whilst the DOCTOR and JO run back to help. A quick examination shows that they are too late.) DOCTOR: He's dead. Come on, Jo. (A shocked JO doesn't move.) DOCTOR: Jo, come on. (They run back to the helicopter, get back inside and it takes off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 56: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ (COSWORTH sits at the radio with a stop-watch.) MAJOR COSWORTH: (Into radio.) Twenty seconds, missile control. (The BRIGADIER takes the microphone and, looking at COSWORTH'S watch, starts to count down...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...three... two... one...abort! [SCENE_BREAK] 57: EXT. HANGER (The missile explodes destroying the entire hanger with it. The DOCTOR and JO watch from the circling helicopter. JO is in tears and the DOCTOR tries to comfort her...) [SCENE_BREAK] 58: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (Later, a UNIT soldier places a tray of cups in front of the BRIGADIER, the DOCTOR, JO and BENTON.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Thank you. (The soldier leaves.) JO: We took Barnham there to help us. DOCTOR: Yes, I know, Jo, I know. JO: (Bitterly.) We should never have left him there. DOCTOR: Well, how do you think I feel? (JO looks at him.) JO: Sorry. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes. (He reaches for a cup and passes it to JO.) DOCTOR: Here, have some coffee. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, at least we're rid of the Keller machine - and the Master. DOCTOR: Yes, we've probably killed off that machine all right, but I'm not so sure about the Master. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, even if he wasn't killed, Doctor, he won't get far if you've still got his circuit. DOCTOR: Yes, that's true. (He reaches into his pocket - a look of alarm appears on his face.) DOCTOR: The circuit! I must have lost it in my struggle with him! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Probably destroyed in the explosion. DOCTOR: Yes, but what if it wasn't? Supposing the Master found it? (The phone rings and BENTON answers it.) SERGEANT BENTON: (Into phone.) Hello, Governor's office? (The MASTER'S voice can faintly be heard at the other end.) MASTER: (OOV: Over phone.) ... Put me onto the Doctor, will you? SERGEANT BENTON: (Into phone.) Yes. (He passes the phone to the DOCTOR.) SERGEANT BENTON: It's for you, Doctor. DOCTOR: The Master? (BENTON nods and the DOCTOR takes the phone.) DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Yes? [SCENE_BREAK] 59: INT. MASTER'S TARDIS MASTER: (Into phone.) Ah, Doctor! I was afraid you'd be worried about me, so I thought I'd let you know that I'm alive and well. [SCENE_BREAK] 60: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE DOCTOR: (Into phone.) I'm extremely sorry to hear that! [SCENE_BREAK] 61: INT. MASTER'S TARDIS MASTER: (Into phone.) I made the safety of my TARDIS which, thanks to your generosity, is in perfect working order. [SCENE_BREAK] 62: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE DOCTOR: (Into phone.) So, we won't be seeing you for quite some time? MASTER: (OOV: Over phone.) Not for "quite some time"... [SCENE_BREAK] 63: INT. MASTER'S TARDIS MASTER: (Into phone.) ...but one day, I shall destroy this miserable planet - and you along with it. Goodbye, Doctor! Oh, by the way...enjoy your exile! (He laughs.) [SCENE_BREAK] 64: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (An annoyed DOCTOR passes the phone to BENTON who puts it phone down.) JO: What did he say? DOCTOR: His usual threats. JO: (Upbeat.) Never mind, Doctor. You've beaten him. DOCTOR: Have I, Jo? He's got his TARDIS back. He's free to come and go where he pleases, while I'm stuck here on Earth... (...the DOCTOR looks across the desk.) DOCTOR: ...with you, Brigadier! (The BRIGADIER is at first taken back, but then smiles...)	Plan: A: Stangmoor; Q: What has the Brigadier recaptured? A: control; Q: What does the Master still have over the Thunderbolt? A: the Doctor; Q: Who must find a way to stop the Master? A: the Keller Machine; Q: What must the Doctor destroy to stop the Master? Summary: The Brigadier has recaptured Stangmoor but the Master still has control of the Thunderbolt and the Doctor must find a way to stop him and destroy the Keller Machine.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Rebekah: I'm Rebekah Mikaelson! Ruben: A witch named Eva Sinclair was stealing children to channel their power. Rebekah: It doesn't matter what she's done. I've still appropriated her body without her consent. Klaus: The wolves need a new leader. I can help you become the leader your pack deserves. Josephine: The Treme coven wants Vincent Griffith returned. (Chanting) Vincent: (scared) Who are you? Elijah: Vincent Griffith is alive and free from the influence of my brother Finn. Freya: If I have woken from my slumber, then Dahlia has, as well. Once she's sensed your child's magic, she will come for her. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY - 977 A.D. / BELL TOWER OF ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ] (Five-year-old Freya is sitting in the middle of the floor of Dahlia's cottage as she makes them some grains. She hums as she makes up a plate of food for her, testing part of it by scooping it up and tasting it before she brings it over to where Freya is seated with a smile) Dahlia: Eat, Freya, or you'll waste away! (Freya just looks up at her fearfully, but doesn't move. Frustrated, Dahlia kneels in front of her and grabs her arms to force her to pick up her plate, her voice much sharper and aggressive than before) Stubborn child! You need your strength so that I may teach you to use the power that runs strong in our bloodline! That will keep us warm in the cold, give us good health when others fall ill. (Freya whimpers, and Dahlia shakes her roughly in frustration) With that power, we will defeat our enemies. (Her demeanor becomes kinder again, and she smiles as she gently caresses Freya's face with her hands) We can stay young and beautiful. (Freya jerks away from her touch, clearly nervous, but Dahlia takes her hands in her own and squeezes them gently) You need not be afraid. Together, we will be the strongest witches this world has ever seen. Freya: (scared) I want my mama! Dahlia: (looks at her sympathetically) Your mother didn't want you. She gave you away. This is your home, now. I am your only family. (She cups Freya's chin with her hand) And there is no greater strength than family. (Young Freya looks at her with wide eyes and remains silent as a single tear runs down her cheek) [ END FLASHBACK ] (In the present day, Freya picks up a fancy card with the Mikaelson "M" embossed on the front from the table in the bell tower of St. Louis Cathedral. Inside the card, in perfect calligraphy, a note reads: "Join us for a family brunch. 11 A.M. Your brother, Klaus." As she re-reads the card, she smiles in excitement) [SCENE_BREAK] Save Mt Soul [SCENE_BREAK] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Rebekah is sleeping fitfully on the couch at Marcel's apartment, looking distressed. In her dreams, she gets visions in short snippets of her vessel, Eva Sinclair, killing a teenager in the market in the Treme and channeling the power of another. After a moment, she awakens with a gasp, and seems disoriented until she gains her bearings. Once she realizes where she is, she becomes confused when she hears the sounds of angry yelling outside of the apartment. Rebekah gets up and moves toward the window to see what is going on when Marcel suddenly rushes downstairs and blocks her from getting any closer to the glass) Marcel: (alarmed) Stay away from the window! Rebekah: (confused) What's all that bloody racket? Marcel: (anxious) Just stay put! I'll handle it. Rebekah: (incredulous) Handle it? Handle what? (Marcel runs out the door to the outside of the building, where a sizable group of people have begun congregating around. Some of them are vampires who have made a barrier with their bodies to protect the entrance to the apartment, while others are witches, including Josephine LaRue, who are in various stages of anger) Man 1: We want Eva! Marcel: (furious) Whatever the problem is, if you don't back up, I guarantee you it's gonna get worse. Josephine: Marcel Gerard. Do you realize you're harboring a renegade witch? Marcel: I don't know what you're talking about. Josephine: Is that a fact? (Josephine nods toward someone behind him, and he turns to see that Rebekah has come outside to see what is going on) Man 2: There she is! Man 3: Yeah, there she is! (Marcel looks even more angry as he shoots Josephine a glare. He turns and rushes over to Rebekah and tries to push her back toward the door) Marcel: (frustrated) I thought I told you to stay put. Rebekah: (oblivious) Well, I hate being told what to do, so I ignored you. (She pushes past him and walks toward the witches, who are looking at her with disgust and anger) Rebekah: (smiles) Beg pardon, love, but I think this is all a simple misunderstanding. Josephine: (unamused) No, this is retaliation for the evil you unleashed last night. (Rebekah looks unnerved and looks over at Marcel, who doesn't know what she's talking about, in confusion) Two of our children attacked unmercifully. One dead, the other missing. All signs lead to you, Eva. Marcel: (steps in between Josephine and Rebekah) Wait. Hold on. The witch that you knew as Eva Sinclair is gone, all right? Her body was taken over by Rebekah Mikaelson. Josephine: (smiles mockingly) Is that your version of an alibi? (Marcel stares at her, but remains silent. Josephine addresses two of the men behind her) Take her. (Suddenly, Elijah appears behind the group and speaks up as he walks toward Marcel and Rebekah) Elijah: That won't be necessary. (He pauses briefly) Ms. LaRue... It would be a great shame to soil the goodwill of our recent agreement. Now, I am sorry for your loss, but, Marcel is telling the truth. Rebekah now occupies the body of Eva Sinclair, and my sister is innocent of this crime. Now, you have my word, I will find whoever is responsible and make certain that justice is served. (He walks toward Josephine) But now, I would encourage you all to leave. Josephine: You have 'til tomorrow. After that, it won't matter what I say. Witches will stop at nothing to protect their children. That's an impulse I know you can respect. (Elijah stares at her in concern) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Elijah has just arrived to the compound, where he has joined Klaus, who is waiting for him in the dining room in anticipation for their family brunch) Klaus: There you are, finally. (Elijah strips off his coat and hangs it up before heading toward the table) Elijah: I was delayed. Klaus: (smiles) Our guest of honor will be here momentarily. Elijah: (bemused) Strange, our house is conspicuously absent of our lupine guests. I do hope it wasn't on my account. Klaus: (laughs) I sent Hayley and her poorly groomed husband off to spend the day with their werewolf brethren to test the limits of their new abilities. Leaving me to deal with family business as I see fit. Elijah: (suspicious) Niklaus, Rebekah's situation has taken a turn. We may need Freya's assistance. So, whatever you are planning here? Don't. Klaus: (rolls his eyes) All I'm planning is a simple chat with a long-lost relative. You yourself said to hear her out. Elijah: And you yourself said that would be idiocy. Klaus: (amused) Did I? (He feigns as though he's straining to remember) Well, it does sound like me. Regardless, on the off-chance Freya has some information that could protect my daughter, I'd prefer she share it on my terms. (He points toward his ear) Ah! I think I hear her now! (He turns to the door just as Freya walks into the dining room, smiling at her brothers) Sister! Well, come in! Come in! Make yourself comfortable. (Freya looks slightly nervous, but smiles warmly at them) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ELIJAH'S LOFT ] (Vincent, now free of Finn's spirit, is in one of the bedrooms in Elijah's new apartment, where he is sitting on a bed, leaning his elbows against his knees and rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumbs as though he has a headache. After a moment, Marcel comes in with a newspaper to check on him) Marcel: Morning! How you feelin'? Vincent: (groans) Nauseous. Can't concentrate. (He sighs) I can't really do any magic, but I suppose that was the point, (He picks up something off the plate on the nightstand next to him) .. seeing as I can smell the lobilia flower you've been putting in my food, man. Marcel: (smiles) Can't be too careful with witches, hmm? Vincent: Hmm. That something you learned from experience, Marcel Gerard? Back when you controlled the Quarter witches with all your rules, and, uh... (He clicks his tongue and mimes as though he's slitting his throat with his finger) .. public executions? Marcel: (laughs) You know who I am. (He puts a chair in front of Vincent's bed and sits down in it) That's good, 'cause I got some questions that need answers, and you seem to know what happens to people who don't give me what I want. Vincent: (amused) Mmm. I know you ain't the king around here no more. And I know you can't keep me here! I'm from the Treme, Marcel. Witches from there, whew, they're a little bit of a harder breed than what it is you're used to. Yeah, they're gonna want me back. Marcel: (nods) Actually, they already do what you back. Yeah, a matter of fact, (He stands, pulls out his newspaper, and lays it down on the nightstand next to Vincent) .. they wanted you back for nine months. (Vincent's eyes grow wide in shock as he looks at the newspaper Marcel just placed next to him. Vincent looks at Marcel in disbelief, but Marcel just points at the paper) Marcel: Yeah, check the date! (Vincent picks up the newspaper to examine it while listening to Marcel explain) You might notice a little time gap. Vincent: (appalled and horrified) Man, what'd you do to me? Marcel: Oh, me? I can't make nine months vanish. No, your beef is with a guy named Finn. See, he took possession of your body, got into all kinds of trouble, too. Made some nasty enemies, I might add. Vincent: (extremely overwhelmed) Whoa! (Vincent holds up his hands, clearly struggling to believe what he's hearing, and keeps glancing from the newspaper to Marcel and back anxiously while he processes this revelation) Marcel: Look, I'll tell you all about it, but first, you gotta tell me about a Treme witch that you might know... Eva Sinclair. (At the sound of Eva's name, Vincent quickly turns his head to look at Marcel, and when he realizes he's being serious, he just shakes his head in exasperation) Marcel: (suspicious) Sore subject? Vincent: (smiles patronizingly) Mmhmm. (He grits his teeth in annoyance) I'm done talking. (Marcel glares at him angrily) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CLAIRE TOMB ] (Rebekah has come to Kol's old "playhouse" to seek Davina's help regarding her vessel. Davina looks tired as she shuffles through various books and loose pages of spells and magical notes) Davina: (annoyed) Are you serious? I'm supposed to drop all of my work to help you figure out your nightmares? Rebekah: Look, they're more than dreams. I came here hoping you'd have some witchy to figure out what's wrong and help me fix it. (She looks at Davina, who seems tired and depressed, in concern) Though you don't look too good yourself. Have you gotten any sleep lately? Davina: (angry) No! (She gestures around at all of the magical books and supplies) I've been here studying all this stuff since Kol died, and I thought that you were going to help me bring him back like you promised! Rebekah: (guilty) Look, I can't help Kol if the witch he stuck me in ends up taking me over! There's something wrong. I think the rightful owner of this body is waking up inside me, and she's angry. (Davina sighs in frustration, but eventually warms up to Rebekah and gestures to the books in front of her again) Davina: (more kindly) These are Kol's spellbooks. I'm sure there's something in here that can help. (Rebekah, looking slightly reassured, smiles at Davina, who weakly smiles in return) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Freya, Klaus, and Elijah are making small talk in the dining room of the compound. Freya has a carved wooden artifact in her hands and is examining it carefully) Freya: This witch-hoop. It's Danish. Is this from when you lived all in Copenhagen in the 1500s? Klaus: Quite the eye! Elijah: (impatient) Forgive me. Are we here to discuss family heirlooms, or do we have more pressing concerns? Klaus: Please excuse my brother's lack of decorum, he's been in a foul mood of late. But, he is right. I did ask you here in the hopes that you would share some of Dahlia's secrets. So, without further ado, let's get to it! (The three of them take their seats at the table, which is full of breakfast food, and start their discussion) Freya: (clears her throat awkwardly) The first thing you should know is that Dahlia is the most powerful witch I've ever seen. She craves more power still. Right now she is like me, limited to one year of life in a century. But, she wants to be free of that restriction. To gain true immortality. And that is why she will come here, drawn by your daughter to take the child's power for herself. And she would kill anyone who would defy her. Elijah: And yet you would defy her? Freya: I don't have a choice. She will never let me be free. My one chance is to align with you and kill her. (Elijah looks troubled by this revelation, but Klaus doesn't seem convinced) Klaus: Well, now that we're all suitably motivated, let's talk specifics! Freya: (takes a deep breath) For you to understand, I need to start from the beginning. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY - 977 A.D. ] (Present-day Freya narrates the flashback in voiceover as five-year-old Freya stands outside the cottage with Dahlia, who is creating a magic circle out of what looks like black sand or ash and using it to draw Runic symbols that resemble the alphabet runes "algiz," "kaunaz," "gebu," "teiwaz," and "laguz." Around them, Dahlia has set up tall torches whose flames are quite large and are arranged in the form of a pentagram) Freya: (V.O.) After taking me from my family, Dahlia used me to forge a new brand of connective magic, one that augmented my power even as it allowed her to draw from me. Dahlia: (to young Freya) Take my hand and begin your chants. Young Freya & Dahlia: Med dette seglet, cum soluta nobis saman. Med dette seglet, cum soluta nobis saman. Med dette seglet, cum soluta nobis saman. Med dette seglet, cum soluta nobis saman. (As they chant, the torches' flames flare brightly as they increase in size. Young Freya gasps in surprise and awe, while Dahlia's head rolls backward as she feels the surge in power from drawing on her. Once it's passed, Dahlia looks down at Freya, who is still holding her hands tightly and looking a her curiously. Dahlia smiles, obviously pleased by the outcome of the spell. She looks around and begins to hum for young Freya) Freya: (V.O.) Once we were bonded, Dahlia became unstoppable. (In flashback, Dahlia smiles as she proudly strokes Freya's cheek with her hand) She wasted no time proving her might. (The scene cuts to another part of the village, where Dahlia and young Freya are walking hand-in-hand through a snowy field. The bodies of at least a dozen people are scattered across the land) Freya: (V.O.) The chief of a nearby village threatened to run us off, accusing Dahlia of witchcraft. She decided to make an example out of the entire encampment... Men, women, children. [ END FLASHBACK ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY: MIKAELSON COMPOUND / LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] Freya: She killed them all with a wave of her hand. That was my first inkling of the power Dahlia had. Over the course of a thousand years, she's only grown stronger. (She turns toward Klaus) And she will bring all her power to bear against you when she comes for your child. (Klaus looks terrified by this revelation. The story is interrupted when Elijah's phone rings. When Elijah sees that it's Rebekah, he immediately answers it) Elijah: (to Freya and Klaus) Excuse me. (He steps out into the hall and answers the call) Elijah: Rebekah, how are you feeling? (Rebekah has just left the Claire tomb and is walking through the cemetery as she talks to Elijah) Rebekah: (walking through the cemetery) As if I walked straight into a brick wall. Any luck with Freya? Elijah: (whispers) Luck is not the word that I would use. (He turns backward so he can look at Freya) You should be here. Rebekah: Fine. I'm on my way now. (Rebekah has just hung up the phone when she's suddenly overcome by a wave of pain as Eva fights to get control of her body again. Visions of Eva carving the sacrificial channeling sigil into the foreheads of various children and teenagers flash through her mind. She leans against a tomb's wall to get her bearings, and once it passes, she tries to leave again, only to double over from the force of the next pulse of resistance from Eva) Rebekah: Ahhh! (She doubles over again, so hard this time that she loses her balance, falls face-first onto the brick walkway, and knocks herself unconscious) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Hayley walks out onto the porch of her old shack in the Bayou with a cup of coffee in hand and watches as the werewolves practice sparring in the nearby clearing. Jackson is fighting against Aiden, both of whom are learning to fight with their new abilities. Jackson manages to block Aiden before he elbows him in the face and laughs proudly) Jackson: Oh, ho ho ho! You're getting faster. Aiden: Or maybe you're just getting slower, huh? (They continue fighting. Aiden punches Jackson in the face, but Jackson quickly knees him in the stomach. In retaliation, Aiden elbows him in the side, and Jackson groans) Jackson: Unh! (Before Aiden can punch him in the face again, Jackson grabs him by the arm and throws him onto the ground and into a nearby puddle. When Aiden stands back on his feet, his clothes and hands are all covered in mud) Jackson: Keep your head up. Low center, guard your face. (Aiden angrily lunges for Jackson and roughly shoves him backwards and starts punching him in the face. To protect himself, Jackson grabs him in a headlock, but when Aiden can't immediately get out of it, his eyes start glowing gold as his fangs come out and he bites Jackson in the arm. Jackson lets go and yelps in pain. Hayley looks concerned as she watches from the porch) Jackson: Aah! Ow, ow, ow! What the hell? Aiden: (frustrated) You left yourself wide open. Jackson: It was your idea to come out here and spar. I'm doing this for you. Aiden: (rolls his eyes) Oh. For me? You're the one leading a pack of superwolves. How long before they decide that they don't want to take orders from you anymore, huh? (He walks over to Jackson and gets in his face) Because the only way you can stay Alpha is by always staying the strongest. (Jackson angrily shoves his way past him, clearly unhappy by this conversation. From the porch, Hayley seems confused and uncomfortable) Hayley: (shouts at them) You guys done? This macho stuff is cute and all, but don't make me come out there and kick both your asses. (Hayley walks back into the shack. Jackson laughs at her words, but once she's gone, his face becomes serious as he turns back to Aiden) Jackson: Look. If you got a problem with the way I lead, now's the time to speak up. Aiden: Klaus is acting like we're on his leash. You think the guys don't see that? Things are changing, Jackson. Our people aren't cursed anymore. We're strong. If any of them see you as vulnerable, then they're gonna challenge you for Alpha because that is what wolves do. Jackson: (angry) Are you putting yourself in that category? Aiden: I'm looking out for you. That's all. (Aiden shoves past Jackson and leaves. Once his gone, Jackson looks as though he's worried about the pack) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Freya, Klaus, and Elijah are still discussing Dahlia over brunch, though none of them are eating the large amount of food on the table) Klaus: (feigns kindness) Your stories are fascinating, and Dahlia does indeed sound dreadful, but Elijah and I have killed our fair share of evil witches. Freya: Not like her. Elijah: (sips his tea) What are her weaknesses? Freya: She's paranoid, obsessed with power. She hungers constantly for what's been denied her, be it love or revenge. Elijah: Yes. I think I'm familiar with the type. (He looks over at Klaus, who just smirks) Freya: When I was a child, she would tell me tales of her own youth, of being victimized by those stronger than her. Dahlia vowed never to be weak again. She bargained for the firstborn of Esther's bloodline, intending to raise us in her own image, forming a coven of her own from which she could draw endless power. That plan was foiled the day she learned that Esther had ended her bloodline by turning her children into vampires. (Freya looks at Klaus, who looks as though he has something to say, but Freya keeps talking) And so the burden fell to me. Dahlia demanded I bear the firstborn that would add to her power, but I would not allow a child of mine to live as I did, as a slave. (Her eyes fill with tears) So I vowed never to love, never to have a child of my own. (She starts to cry, and Elijah looks troubled) Of course, the more I resisted, the harder Dahlia fought to control me... [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY - LATE 10TH/EARLY 11TH CENTURY ] (Dahlia has set up another magic circle onto the floor of their cottage with salt, complete with more Runic alphabet symbols around the inside. She hums as she places various herbs inside the circle while the now-grown Freya watches fearfully. Present-day Freya narrates the flashback to Klaus and Elijah) Freya (V.O.): Until the day when she took the last of what little freedom I had left. (Dahlia makes a spiral in the earthen floor of the cottage inside the magic circle with her finger before waving her hands over it. After a moment, she gasps and her eyes roll back as she feels the spell successfully complete itself. Afterward, she stands to her feet holds out her hand toward Freya) Dahlia: (smiles) Take my hand. (Freya stays where she is and looks at Dahlia in fright as she shakes her head) Freya: (backs away from her) No. This is not right. You've already taken everything from me. I will not follow you into this madness. Dahlia: (smiles coldly) Don't be stupid. I'm offering you eternal life. We will sleep for a century and wake with a power unlike any that's ever been seen. It's what we wanted. Freya: (furious) IWhat you wanted. (Dahlia's smile falls as she begins to lose her patience, and Freya starts to cry) Please do not bind me with this curse. (Dahlia lowers her hand, looking saddened by this reaction, and for a moment, Freya looks as though Dahlia has relented. After a moment, though, Dahlia roughly grabs Freya's hands and pulls her into the circle despite her protests) Dahlia: Ungrateful child, you will thank me for this in one century or the next. (She begins to chant the spell) Magi somn et immortalis, binde oss. [ END FLASHBACK ] (In the present day, Freya is still crying as she continues her story) Freya: And so we slept, our magic accruing over time... (She flashes back to right after the spell was cast, where both Dahlia and Freya are each laying in their own bed, side by side) .. until we woke, filled with immense power and allowed to live a single year of life. That has been the existence I have suffered for the last 10 centuries. (Klaus begins to laugh fakely, and Freya shoots him a glare) Klaus: Ha ha ha! Well... It's quite the ordeal, isn't it? But it does beg the question why not end it yourself? (Elijah shakes his head in disgust at Klaus' words and tries to stop him from talking, but he continues on) A high enough bridge, a tight enough noose. You must have considered it. Freya: (closes her eyes and sighs) Long ago, I did consider it, but Dahlia would never give me even that freedom. (Klaus is surprised by this answer) I would later learn the spell made me like her... Immortal and impervious to harm. (She laughs bitterly and wipes the tears from her face) So you see, I am like you, a creature of great power cursed for all time. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Cami downs a glass of bourbon at the bar in Marcel's apartment as they discuss the Vincent situation) Marcel: Cami, if you don't want to do this... Cami: (pours herself another drink) Of course I don't want to do this. That guy practically tried to kill me. Marcel: Well, not this guy. Vincent Griffith is just another victim. Cami: Yes, but as of yesterday, he was Finn, Finn who lied to me, who used me, who tried to erase me from my own body, and now we're just gonna hang out. I mean, it's fine. I'll do it. I just need a drink first. (She takes a big gulp of the second glass of bourbon she poured for herself. Marcel stands up and walks over to the door to call out for one of the vampires standing guard outside) Marcel: Bring him in. (Two vampire guards bring Vincent inside, who jerks out of their grip and looks at Marcel in aggravation. Cami frowns and stands to greet him) Vincent: (annoyed) What is this, Marcel? You're dragging me from one dump to another without telling me what's going on, man. Marcel: (chuckles) Dump. Ouch. And here I thought a change in venue might brighten your mood. Maybe it's me, so how about I give you a chance to talk to my friend here?. (He points at Cami, who is standing with her arms crossed a couple feet away) You be nice, all right, or I won't. (He turns to Cami) I'll be right outside. (Marcel leaves with the vampire guards to give them some privacy. Once they're gone, Cami finally addresses him) Cami: Would you like to sit down? (Vincent looks around at the apartment and takes in his new environment, but doesn't say anything. Cami sighs awkwardly) Cami: Ok. I'm Cami. Vincent: Look. Whoever you are, you should know this isn't gonna work. I do not break, not for vampires and not for pretty-faced whatever you are. Cami: (smiles) Well, that's a relief. The last time we spoke, I got the feeling you were kind of obsessed with me. Vincent: (frowns) You knew the guy who did this to me? Cami: I'll tell you about it if you want. Vincent: (suspicious) And what's in it for you? Cami: A little exchange of information never hurt anyone. (Vincent rolls his eyes and laughs) Cami: Look. If you want to be the guy in the room who doesn't know where he was last week, that's fine, but if you want to know the truth from someone who had a front row seat, sit down. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ABANDONED WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (Rebekah is laying face-down on the ground after passing out. Her phone, which she dropped on the ground before she fell, begins to ring, which finally causes Rebekah to wake up. Confused, she pushes herself into a seated position, but after a moment, she starts getting more flashes of Eva channeling children and groans in pain. She tries to get her bearings and finally answers the phone. It's Elijah, who is in the hallway near the courtyard of the compound) Rebekah: Elijah? Elijah: (annoyed and worried) I expected you hours ago. Rebekah: (anxious) Yes. Well, I seem to have lost track of time. Elijah: (alarmed) What's wrong? Where are you? Rebekah: (scared) That's just it. I don't know. (The camera pans outward, revealing that she is standing in the middle of a block of old, run-down, abandoned warehouses. It is completely deserted aside for Rebekah) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Hayley and Jackson are practicing sparring together, and though Jackson is easily dodging and blocking her hits and kicks, she is still the better fighter due to her hybrid abilities. After a moment, she stops fighting and looks at him with concern as she frowns) Hayley: You still thinking about what Aiden said? Jackson: (sighs) He's just trying to help. Being Alpha's an honor, you know. It's one you have to earn every day. The pack is changing. (The two start to walk toward Jackson's trailer) You know, we're gonna face some challenges. I just want them to know that I'm here to lead for them, put them first. (Hayley and Jackson sit down on a table outside of the trailer, and Hayley picks up two glasses of water off of it, handing one of them to him) Hayley: (sighs) Look. The pack loves you, Jack. You just have to remind them of that. Buy them a round of beers, turn on that backwoods bayou charm. Worked on me. Jackson: What about our other problem? Hayley: Ahem. You mean, our evil landlord? Jackson: (sighs) Klaus acts like we're his personal army. I don't trust him. Hayley: I can handle Klaus. We're a team, right? You and I united the pack together. (She and Jackson stand up and face each other) Are things changing? Yes, but one of those changes is that we no longer have to go through this alone. (Hayley and Jackson entwine their fingers and hold their hands up. They smile at each other, and Jackson brushes a lock of hair behind Hayley's ear before leaning in to kiss her) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Rebekah has made it back to the compound, where Klaus and Elijah are anxiously listening to Rebekah update them one what has happened) Rebekah: It was this witch Eva. The nasty, little cow is inside me, trying to bust her way out. Elijah: (looks at Klaus) Freya is waiting downstairs. Perhaps... Klaus: (interrupts) Have you lost your mind? Tell me we're not considering opening our sister's head to someone we barely know. Rebekah: (frustrated) Nik, for God's sake, she is our sister. I've know it since she saved me from the fauline cottage. Klaus: An act no doubt meant to secure your trust, perhaps for this very moment, to strike when we are vulnerable. (Rebekah scowls at Klaus, but he shakes his head) No. We've no way to prove that anything she said today is true. Elijah: (sighs) Niklaus, I understand your concern. Both of us are powerless to help our sister. Now either we leave Rebekah to suffer, or we place our faith in the hands of someone I believe to be our blood. (Klaus looks appalled, but Elijah maintains his position) Right now, I'm inclined to give the benefit of the doubt to family. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Vincent is sitting backwards in a small folding chair while he talks to Cami, who is sitting across from him on the couch) Vincent: I woke up last night. I didn't know where I was or how long I'd been there, let alone that I'd lost 9 months of my life. Marcel said the guy who possessed me, this Finn, he made a lot of enemies. (He looks at Cami pleadingly, obviously horrified) What'd he do? Cami: He... terrorized the city. He threatened and manipulated his enemies, tried to steal an innocent child, and executed his brother. (Vincent looks overwhelmed by this response and rubs at his face with a sigh) Mr. Griffith, (Vincent says nothing, and Cami hesitates) Vincent, what you experienced was a violation of a profoundly personal nature, and whatever you're feeling, I am here to listen. Vincent: That's just it. What do I say? Am... am... am I... Am I supposed to feel bad for these people that I hurt, am I... am I supposed to feel guilty for this... (He stands up and angrily flips the chair he was sitting on before turning away, embarrassed at his outburst) For this man I killed? (Vincent looks ashamed as he picks the chair back up and sits down again, sighing deeply as he does so) I... I'm sorry. Cami: Hey. It's ok. You're gonna be ok. Vincent: (pinches the bridge of his noses anxiously) Did he... (He sighs)Did I hurt you? Cami: (hesitates) Listen to me. You didn't do anything, and whatever else may have happened, the only thing you can do now is move on. (Vincent leans forward with his head in his hands, but he eventually nods in agreement with what Cami has told him) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Elijah has just brought Freya to the upstairs living room, where Rebekah and Klaus are waiting for her. Freya immediately walks toward Rebekah to greet her) Freya: (smiles) Rebekah. (Rebekah stands up, and the two squeeze each other's hands) It's good to see you again. Rebekah: AAnd you, though I'd prefer better circumstances. (The two sit next to each other on the couch while Elijah stands off to the side. Klaus is sitting in the corner with a drink, he back turned to them, and obviously pouting due to being overruled by Elijah) Freya: You needn't worry. Elijah explained the problem, and I can help. Klaus: (mutters loudly) Rather confident, aren't we? (Freya turns to look at him, partly amused and partly confused, but when Klaus doesn't even acknowledge her, she just scoffs and turns back to Rebekah) Freya: The spirit of the host body is powerful, but I can cast a spell, (She brushes Rebekah's cheek with her hand) .. put you in a deep sleep, and then suppress this other essence. You'll be just fine. Rebekah: (nervous) Lovely. When do we start? Klaus: (groans) Oh, you've got to be kidding me. She spouts off some magical diagnosis, and we are all supposed to applaud. Rebekah: (annoyed) Nik, she's trying to help. Klaus: (walks toward them) Yes, but for the sake of keeping our options open, why not write down your spells and incantations? That way, we can have them double-checked by an impartial third party, say Davina. She'd love to prove me wrong. Freya: (offended) I doubt she would understand my magic, let alone have the power to execute it. Klaus: Oh. So you're our only hope then? Seems rather convenient, doesn't it? (Rebekah looks appalled at Klaus' attitude and rolls her eyes dramatically, and Freya is both hurt and betrayed) Freya: I knew it would be difficult to win your trust, Niklaus. Your reputation precedes you... (Klaus smiles mockingly at her as she stands and walks toward him) But if we are to face Dahlia together, you will have to trust me. Given the peril that Rebekah now faces, are you truly incapable of giving me even a chance to prove myself? (Klaus rolls his eyes and turns back toward the bar, so Freya addresses Elijah and Rebekah instead) Freya: I know I appear as an outsider, but I have dreamt of you all for a thousand years. (Rebekah and Elijah look at each other before turning back to Freya) Elijah, when you were in Esther's womb, she would ask me to sing to you. I would feel her belly as I did. (She laughs) Heh. How you would kick. She would say, "it was as if Thor himself had raised his hammer"... Elijah: (finishes her sentence) .. "And summoned thunder and lightning." (They smile at each other, and Elijah is visibly touched that she would remember this memory) Mother rarely mentioned you. When she did, she would say how enchanted you were by the prospect of my birth. Freya: How I wanted more brothers and a sister (She looks over at Rebekah, who smiles at her affectionately) more than anything, but between Esther and Dahlia, that wish was taken from me. I was ruined by those who raised me. If nothing else, at least we have that in common. (She looks over at Klaus, who continues scowling silently across the room, before turning back to Elijah) There is nothing that can replace what was taken from us, but I hope we can make something better in its place. All you have to do is trust me. (Before anyone can say anything, Klaus vamp-speeds over to her and breaks her neck. Rebekah tries to intervene, but she wasn't fast enough) Rebekah: (furious) Nik! Klaus: (smirks) Well, that's enough of that, don't you think? (He drops her body carelessly onto the ground, and Rebekah and Elijah both swarm around him, livid at what he has just done) Right. Now we can have a proper family meeting. (After the break, Freya is still laying lifelessly on the floor, where Rebekah is checking on her. She is furious as she looks over at Klaus, who is pacing along one side of the room while Elijah paces along the other) Rebekah: Who was that absolutely necessary? Klaus: Oh, please. She was insufferable. Elijah: (points at him angrily) That was ridiculous even for you. Klaus: You've only just met her. Let's not get sentimental. Besides, if she was telling the truth about being immortal, she'll awaken shortly. If she was lying, good riddance. Elijah: (sarcastically) Yes. Of course, of she wakes, she'll be willing to help us with unbridled enthusiasm. Klaus: (scoffs) She played you both for fools. Can you not see that? She spins a sad yarn about a small child taken by an evil witch, and you both fall over yourselves to mend what's broken! Rebekah: (annoyed) How can you be so certain? Klaus: Simple. It's exactly what I'd do. (Elijah rolls his eyes in annoyance and kneels down to check on Freya) My only question now is what's in it for her. Elijah: Well, whatever the truth may be, she's in no position to help us now. (Rebekah glares furiously at Klaus) Rebekah: Well, then we should try Marcel. Perhaps he's had luck on his end. (She turns to Klaus and shoots him another glare) Surely he's put in a better effort. (Rebekah storms out of the room to leave for Marcel's apartment, and after a moment, Elijah follows after her. Klaus calls out after them) Klaus: (loudly) You know I'm right, Elijah. (Elijah stops and turns back to Klaus, fed up with his attitude) We can't have an alliance with someone we can't trust. Elijah: (unamused) You don't trust her, and that is your choice. I only hope that choice comes from a place of reason, not fear. (He turns to go to Marcel's loft, leaving Klaus alone in the living room with Freya's unconscious body) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Night has fallen, and Vincent is looking out of the windows of the apartment to watch the lit skyline of New Orleans and the nearby Mississippi River. After a moment, Cami brings him a drink and stands next to him) Cami: Leave it to Marcel to have the best view in the city. Vincent: Sometimes, I forget what a beautiful city it is, especially with all the ugliness that comes with it. (Vincent looks Cami in the eyes, and she senses he's holding back) Cami: Have you always lived here? Vincent: Mm-hmm. Born and raised in the Treme. Lived through its ups and downs. Then came the trouble with the vampires and some troubles that was even worse. I gave up on being a witch, walked away from my coven. I guess that's why I was easy prey for your friend Finn. Cami: (chuckles bitterly) Trust me, not my friend. (Vincent chuckles in return, and the two stare at each other for a long moment. Vincent hesitates before he speaks again) Vincent: Marcel was asking about Eva Sinclair. You need to tell him to get back in here. There's something he needs to know. [SCENE_BREAK] [ BELL TOWER OF ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ] (Freya is laying on the floor of the bell tower when she suddenly awakens with a gasp after her body finally heals her snapped neck. She looks confused as she looks around and tries to figure out where she is. When she sees Klaus sitting nearby, she remembers what happened and becomes angry and frustrated) Klaus: Ah! You're awake. Well, clearly, your restorative powers are not renowned for their speed. Freya: (furious) You dare lay your hands on me. Klaus: Well, immortality is a bold claim. I had to make sure you were telling the truth. Freya: (tries to catch her breath) Why did you bring me here? Klaus: I couldn't very well have you stay in my home. That honor is something I reserve for those I consider family. Freya: (upset) So you refuse me as your sister. Klaus: Well, you had a lovely audition. It just didn't seem to be the right fit. Freya: I think Elijah felt otherwise. Rebekah, too. Klaus: Yes, you did a fine job of convincing them with all your melodramatic tales. However, I suspect you were not entirely forthcoming. The truth is Elijah and Rebekah can be a bit naive when it comes to family relations. Case in point, their unending faith in me. I repay that loyalty by guarding them against treachery they cannot see, and I sense that you are treacherous indeed. You wish to worm your way into my family. I want to know why, so, sister, I'm going to give you one last chance to tell the full truth. I suggest you don't muck it up. (After the break, Freya and Klaus continue their discussion in the bell tower. Freya has lit dozens of candles around the room to give them light) Freya: You want to know why I hate Dahlia? (Klaus looks surprised and intrigued) It goes back to a man. His name was Mathias. We knew each other for one perfect year in the early 1400s. I loved him more than my own life, and Dahlia allowed me to love him. Klaus: Of course. She wanted you to bear her another firstborn. Freya: (near tears) I broke my vow and gave in to love, and that led to the darkest moment of my life, the day when I tried to steal from Dahlia that which she wanted most. Klaus: And what precisely was that? Freya: (starts to cry, and her voice breaks) My son. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: NORWAY, KALMAR UNION, EARLY 15TH CENTURY ] (Outside Dahlia's cottage, a very pregnant Freya is sobbing as Matthias, who is bleeding from his eyes and nose, starts to cough up blood and fall to his knees, much in the same way that Freya killed Cassie in Brotherhood of the Damned)' Freya (V.O.): Mathias only wanted our child to be born free. For that, Dahlia cursed him to death. (Freya, who is kneeling over Matthias' lifeless body and sobbing, looks up to see Dahlia nearby, frowning at her) Freya (V.O.): I knew I'd never be free of her, that my child would be born a slave. (Inside the cottage, Freya desperately searches through dozens of bottles of potions before finding one full of a red liquid and quickly drinks it) Freya (V.O.): To spare us both from the horrors of the life I'd known, I took a bottle of Dahlia's strongest poison. (Dahlia rushes into the cottage to find Freya has already ingested the poison, and she turns to face her aunt as she begins to sway on her feet) Dahlia: (betrayed) I gave you everything. You dare to take what is mine? Freya: (nods and whispers) Yes. (Freya falls to the floor, and before she dies, she smiles weakly from the belief that she was finally free) Freya (V.O.): I wanted to die, for only death could finally give me the release I longed for, but Dahlia knew that my death was never an option. That was the day I learned that I could never die. (Some time later, Freya awakens with a gasp in her bed in the cottage, and is both confused and upset when she realizes she is alive. Dahlia, who is sitting at her bedside, starts to check on her) Freya: (shocked) How can this be? How am I alive? Dahlia: (sighs in relief) The spell that sealed our magic sleep guards us from all forms of harm... (Freya stands to her feet and gapes at Dahlia in horror as she sighs dramatically) .. but the spell did not protect everyone. (Freya gasps and looks down at her stomach, which is no longer swollen from pregnancy. When she realizes that she lost the baby, she begins to break down in sobs) Freya: (hysterical) No. No! My baby. (Her knees give out, and she falls to her bed, where Dahlia takes Freya in her arms and begins soothingly running her fingers through Freya's hair) Dahlia: Mmm, mmm. There, there. There, there, my dear. (She lowers her voice to a whisper) I will forgive you for this eventually, but you can never forget there is no escape from me, not even death. [ END FLASHBACK ] (In the present day, Freya is tearing up again, and looking at Klaus angrily. Klaus looks almost as though he is sympathizing with her) Freya: It was Dahlia who made me do what I did. She turned me into a monster, and I will destroy her for it. Tell me, brother, is that the truth you wanted to hear? Klaus: (steels himself and forces down his emotions) Whether I believe you or not is no matter. You told that tale in order to garner my sympathy, (Freya just stares at him blankly, as though she knew he would react this way but is still exhausted by it) .. thinking the shared plight of a child in danger would bond us, but I will not be manipulated. Freya: (rolls her eyes and walks toward him) Whatever you choose, one final truth remains. Dahlia's coming for us. With me, you have a chance to defeat her. Without me, she will take your daughter and make her a slave. She will suffer as I had, never knowing her mother and father because Dahlia will have rendered you into ash. Klaus: Are you quite finished? If there is to be an alliance between us, it will be one of my design... And if you ever try to control me again, sister, you will spend the rest of your immortal life regretting it. Freya: (unimpressed) Then leave. I already have Rebekah and Elijah's trust, and I'm not going anywhere, but if I were you, brother, I'd rethink your alliances as you go forward. (Klaus sneers at her, but she isn't intimidated by him) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Elijah and Rebekah have just arrived at Marcel's apartment, where Marcel and Vincent are waiting for them. Marcel greets them at the door while Vincent downs a glass of bourbon) Marcel: (to Elijah and Rebekah) I filled the guy in, but he's still a little freaked out about all this. Rebekah: Good. That makes us a perfect pair. (The three of them walk over to where Vincent is standing so they can talk to him. Rebekah wastes no time approaching him and introducing herself, and Vincent looks absolutely stunned to see her) Rebekah: Right. Well, I can tell from your face that you knew the previous occupant of this body. (She smiles at him) Rest assured, you're now speaking to Rebekah Mikaelson. So who are you? I mean, now that you're not my brother Finn. Vincent: (surprised) Vincent Griffith. I would say, "at your service," but, uh, that implies I had a choice in the matter. (Rebekah looks over at Elijah and grins, obviously liking Vincent more than Finn) Rebekah: (pleased) Ooh! He's witty. Wonderful. Now I hear you have some information for me. Vincent: (overwhelmed) Just give me a second. (He stares at Rebekah as he walks closer to her, which seems to pique Elijah's interest. After a moment, he laughs softly) When they put Eva in the fauline cottage, I never thought I'd see her again. Elijah: (confused) How exactly is it that you knew Miss Sinclair? Vincent: (stares at Rebekah in shock) She was my wife. Rebekah: (surprised) Well, that is bloody fantastic, isn't it? [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus is sullenly standing at the bar in the courtyard, where he's pouring himself a drink. Hayley sees him from the balcony above and goes down the stairs so she can talk to him, not immediately noticing his foul mood) Hayley: We need to talk. [Sighs] Klaus: (rolls his eyes and takes a large drink of bourbon before sighing) Do we indeed? Have you come to express your gratitude at the courtesy I've shown your husband, or perhaps you want to thank me for my efforts to protect you and your pack. Hayley: All this tension with you, Jack, and the wolves, we need to put it behind us. Give Jack the space he needs to run the pack as he sees fit. No more orders, no more favors. He's Alpha period. Klaus: (laughs mockingly) Heh heh heh. I'm sorry. Did you really think I would ever agree to let Jackson control the wolves? Hayley: (loses her temper) You will show him respect, Klaus. He is on our side, and he's fighting for our daughter. Klaus: You know, I've spent all day with people who claim to be fighting for our daughter. Some I trust, some I do not, but one thing is for sure, that there is only one person that I trust when it comes to my child's safety, and that would be me! (Hayley glares at him as he storms away, but he turns back to continue arguing) Klaus: You know, you all seem to think this is a democracy. I assure you it is not! If Dahlia is coming, then she is a threat to my child, which means I decide how to protect her, no one else! And if Jackson or anyone strays from the course that I set, then they will answer to me. Now your husband would do well to remember that. In fact, I think I'll leave it to you to remind him. That way, when he does inevitably incur my wrath again, you'll only have yourself to blame. (Klaus once again storms out of the courtyard, leaving an incredibly livid Hayley behind to consider her options) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] (Cami is drinking drinking her usual sazerac at the bar of the restaurant when Vincent appears and sits next to her before grabbing a bottle of liquor from behind the bar) Vincent: (smiles) After today, I could use a drink. Cami: (smiles back and grabs him a glass) I see Marcel let you out. Vincent: Yeah. He's got a sense of reciprocity for a vampire. (Cami laughs at his joke) I told him what I knew, but if Eva's coming back here, I don't want anything to do with her. Too much history. (He downs his entire drink in one gulp and winces) Ooh. As for you, stay away from that crowd. Do like me. Make it a clean break. Cami: Not the first time I've heard that advice, (Vincent shrugs in understanding) .. but if there's one thing I've learned in this town, we do better when we're not alone. (Vincent smiles at Cami, surprised at her kindness, and she pours him another drink. She holds up her own glass as a toast, and he clinks his glass against hers before they both drink) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Marcel is walking Rebekah into her bedroom in the compound, and she sits down and faces him, clearly unhappy about the past day's events) Rebekah: (sighs) I appreciate you escorting me home. Given that there's a witch inside me trying to break out, I probably shouldn't be alone right now. Marcel: You're gonna be ok, I promise. Rebekah: (exhausted) Funny, isn't it? I've lived a thousand years, and now I'm stuck in a body that might swallow me whole. Of course, if Josephine Larue gets her way, I'll be heading back to that witchy asylum. Marcel: That's not gonna happen. Rebekah: The point is, for the first time in ages, I'm quite vulnerable, weak even. It's an uncomfortable moment realizing that you're genuinely afraid. (Marcel sits down on the bed in front of Rebekah to comfort her, and lifts her chin with his hand so he can look her in the eyes) Marcel: It's ok to be scared... (He takes her hand in his and squeezes it) And we are all vulnerable, but weak, (He shakes his head) no. Let me tell you something. Klaus is the smartest person I've ever met. Elijah is... The stuffiest. (They both laugh) You're the strongest... No matter what body you're in. (They stare at each other for a moment) You need anything? Rebekah: (sighs and giggles) Perhaps I could use a drink. Marcel: (stands to his feet and heads for the door) Sure. Be but a moment, milady. (Once he leaves, Rebekah gets up to change her clothes when she's suddenly hit with another painful headache as Eva once again tries to regain control over her body. She doubles over and cries out in pain) Rebekah: Ohh! (She gets a vision of carving the sacrificial channeling sigil on another girl's forehead and is horrified. When she comes to, she starts trying to catch her breath and sits down on the bed. Marcel comes in with her drink and is concerned when he sees her gasping for air) Marcel: You all right? Rebekah: I honestly don't know. (Marcel sets down the drink and rushes over to her) I keep having flashes of memory, but they fade almost as soon as I've had them. (Marcel looks worried and considers this for a moment) I don't suppose you'd mind staying just to keep an eye on me. Marcel: Yeah. I'm not gonna go anywhere, all right? (He leans forward and pulls Rebekah into a hug, which seems to reassure her) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ABANDONED WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (In the block of abandoned warehouses where Rebekah found herself after blacking out, there is one storage space that is full of the unconscious bodies of the children that Eva Sinclair has been channeling. Among them is Davina, who has a fresh sacrificial sigil carved into her forehead) [ FLASHBACK: EARLIER THAT DAY ] (When Rebekah was hanging out with Davina to figure out what was wrong with her, Eva regained control of her body and went after her) Davina: (confused) Rebekah? (Eva carved the sigil, a large "X" with a diamond shape around it, into her forehead with a knife and deposited it in the warehouse with the other children she's channeling) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ELIJAH'S LOFT / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus has just arrived to Elijah's new apartment, where he is cleaning up the main room) Klaus:So this is where you live. It's nicer on the inside. Elijah: (still annoyed from earlier) Can I help you, Niklaus, or did you cross the river purely to critique my decor? (Elijah begins lighting candles as Klaus talks) Klaus: I thought you might like to know I was moved by what you said about my decision not to trust our long lost sister, so I waited until she revived, and when she did, we had quite a chat. Elijah: And your position remains unchanged? Klaus: (shrugs) I looked in her eyes, and I saw only anger and fear, the will to do whatever it takes to survive no matter who she hurts. I can use her to my own ends, but I could never allow so damaged a creature to have a say in my plans. Elijah: (interrupts) You may not trust her, but trust me, brother. We may have had our differences of late, but we shall exercise the same caution we have always demonstrated towards our allies. Klaus: (rolls his eyes) Fine. I'll let you pursue it, but should Freya betray us... Elijah: (interrupts) If Freya should even attempt to betray us, I shall bury her beneath a thousand wretched torments. Klaus: (unamused) I don't doubt it, but what if you're too late? (Elijah sighs in frustration) What if Freya is duplicitous? What if hope should be harmed through her actions? You won't have to worry that I will never forgive you because you will never forgive yourself. You will suffer a guilt that will be impossible to endure. (Klaus grabs Elijah's arm and forces him to look at him, but Elijah just sighs and gives him an unimpressed look) A terrible fate for one who cannot die. Elijah: Nothing will happen to that child, but we have to consider every weapon at our disposal, brother. Dahlia is coming. (The camera cuts to the nursery, where Hope is sleeping soundly in her crib) Elijah (V.O.): The only question is when. (As Hope sleeps, the Dahlia's voice can be heard humming the same tune from earlier in the episode. We flash back to the Kingdom of Norway, 977 A.D., when Dahlia hummed the tune to Freya after she bonded them together so she could draw on her magic) (In the present day, the music box on the nightstand next to Hope's crib magically winds itself up and starts playing the same tune Dahlia was humming. After a moment, the curtains begin to billow around as a breeze suddenly blows through the open window) [ END ]	Plan: A: Dhalia; Q: Who gives Freya a portion of her blood to stay young, beautiful and powerful? A: a portion; Q: How much of Dahlia's blood does Freya consume? A: Klaus; Q: Who invites Freya to the compound to gain more insight into her past with Dahlia? A: Dahlia; Q: Who killed Mathias? A: Rebekah; Q: Who is trying to regain control of her body? A: Ms. LaRue; Q: Who came to take Eva Sinclair away? A: the night before; Q: When did Eva Sinclair kill two young children? A: Davina; Q: Who is studying to bring Kol back? A: her nightmares; Q: What does Rebekah want to fix with Davina? A: harm; Q: What are Dahlia and Freya impervious to? A: Jackson; Q: Who becomes frustrated when Aiden questions his leadership skills? A: an outsider; Q: What does Freya still appear to be to Klaus? A: sister; Q: What relationship does Klaus refuse to accept Freya as? A: grief; Q: Why did Freya kill herself? A: the baby; Q: Who died when Freya came back to life? A: only Freya; Q: Who was immortal? A: Marcel; Q: Who asks Vincent for help to save Rebekah? Summary: Dhalia gives Freya a portion to consume so that she can stay young, beautiful and powerful. Klaus invites Freya to the compound to gain more insight into her past with Dahlia. Rebekah begins to realize the body she is inhabiting is trying to regain control. Ms. LaRue comes to take Eva Sinclair away after she killed two young children the night before. Rebekah goes to seek help from Davina to fix her nightmares. Davina is studying to bring Kol back since he died and claims Rebekah must help her as she promised. Dahlia has been bound to Freya since Freya was still little. They became immortal and impervious to harm. Jackson becomes frustrated when Aiden questions his leadership skills. Klaus still does not trust Freya as she still appears to be an outsider; he refuses to accept her as sister. It is revealed that Dahlia killed Mathias, the father of her unborn child, and Freya killed herself out of grief. Freya came back to life but the baby died as only Freya was immortal. Marcel turns to Vincent for help to save Rebekah.
[Scene: Camp Skylark. Prue is standing there looking out at the lake. She starts remembering about her mother's death.] [In the flashback: It's at Camp Skylark. You hear sirens. There's police cars and an ambulance there. You see Patty lying on the dock in a body bag with three people kneeled down next to her. Medic: Third drowning this year. Policeman: Anyone see it happen? Some guy: Is that her little girl? Get her away from here. We don't want her to see her mum like this. (You see little Prue standing on the dock.) Little Prue: Mummy! (A guy runs up to her.) Guy: Are you Prue? Your Grams said we'd find you. Why don't you come back inside with me, okay? (They guy picks her up and carries her off the dock.) Little Prue: Mummy! Mummy!] [The flashback finishes. Tears are running down Prue's face. Her phone rings and she answers it.] Prue: Hello? Piper: Prue, are you still on the road? Prue: Oh, yeah, traffic's insane. Piper: Some guy called from Bucklands. I thought you'd be back from the estate sale already. I was just calling to see if you and my car were okay. Prue: Yeah, we're fine. (The phone beeps.) Piper: Oh, that's um, that's probably Dan. Prue: You know, he does live like twenty feet away. You guys could get walkie talkies, two cans, a string. Piper: Point taken, mum. Prue: Um, alright, go talk to your boy, I'll see you later. (Prue hangs up. She starts walking towards the dock. She stands on the edge of it. She sees a guy in a canoe and the water starts bubbling next to it. He falls out and Prue runs along the edge of the water. The guy tries to get out of the water but can't. Another guy runs up to Prue.) Man: No, it's too late. It's already taken him. Prue: Just call 911. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Piper's on the phone talking to Dan. She runs down the stairs into the kitchen. Phoebe's there reading the paper. Piper sits down at the table and pours cereal into a bowl.] Piper: Pouring. [Cut to Dan. He's eating Froot Loops.] Dan: Uh, chewing. [Cut back to Piper.] Piper: I can't believe you eat that stuff. Phoebe: You guys are killing me with cuteness over here. Piper: (to Phoebe) Don't you have somewhere to be, somewhere very far away. (Phoebe moves closer.) Dan: What do you say tomorrow, when Jenny's at school, we have breakfast for real? Piper: I'll take what I can get. Phoebe: Nausea. (Prue walks in.) Prue, what are you doing home? You told Piper that you were heading into the office. Prue: Yeah, things changed. Piper: Uh, Dan, I have to call you back, okay. Dan: Okay. (She hangs up.) Prue: Okay, I saw something or someone drown and it was anything but natural. Piper: On the freeway? Prue: No, up at the lake. Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute. The lake as in the lake, where mum was killed? Piper: You said you were stuck in traffic. Prue: Yeah, I was after the lake. I just go there sometimes to think. Phoebe: You never told us that. (They walk past the dining room and up the stairs.) Prue: Because I didn't want to make a big deal about it. Anyway, this isn't about mum, alright. I saw someone get pulled under, I tried to help him but this man stopped me and said "Its already taken him." Piper: Do you think he knows what happened? Prue: Could. (They walk in Prue's room.) Which means I need to get to Bucklands to drop stuff off and get back to that lake. Phoebe: Wait a minute, Prue, aren't you kind of missing the point? How can you think that what ever you saw didn't have something to do with how mum died? Prue: Look, we need to stop worrying about the past and start dealing with the present. They're re-opening camp. Phoebe: I thought they closed it the summer that mum Prue: Exactly. And no one has been allowed in the lake since and if there's something in it, killing, then the last thing we need is a lake full of kids. Phoebe: Well, how do we find the guy that stopped you? Piper: What about the woman who used to run the camp? Mrs. Johnson. If she's still up there, she'll probably know who he is. Prue: She's still there, same cabin. Phoebe: I guess you go up there to think a lot. Prue: I'll meet you guys up at the lake. I should be there in an hour. (She leaves.) Phoebe: Do you really think the things she saw has nothing to do with how mum died? Piper: Nope. You? Phoebe: Not a chance. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue walks in her office and Jack's sitting at her desk.] Prue: What are you doing here? Jack: Pondering the possibilities. Prue: Of? Jack: Redecoration. Where's your flair in this place? Panache? The Prue? Prue: What? Well, I don't think that's any of your business, Jack. Now, if you don't mind, I have a lot of work to do, so perhaps you could go annoy somebody down the hall. Jack: Actually already did. Signed the dotted line, they sent me to my office. Prue: Your office? Jack: Well, it's only temporarily of course until mine is ready. Prue: Wait, you think that you're working here? Jack: Well, you said we couldn't date and work together so since you won't date me, one out of the two will have to do. (She notices him wearing tight red shorts.) Prue: And you consider that proper work attire? Jack: Hey, if you can get away with wearing that, I can certainly get away with wearing this. And no wonder no one gets any work done around here, you look wooow! Prue: Flattery will get you nowhere. Jack: Well, got me this job. Prue: Okay, look, I have to go take care of some personal things, so until I get back let's just employ a hands off policy, meaning don't touch anything. Jack: Tell you what. Take your time, I'll sit back here and make myself comfy. (He leans back in the chair and falls backwards on the floor.) Prue: Really nice form, but the dismount could use a little work. Jack: Meant to do that. (She leaves.) [Scene: The lake. Mrs. Johnson's place. Phoebe's looking at a photo and Mrs. Johnson brings in some cookies.] Mrs. Johnson: Well, I'm finding it hard to believe enough times gone by for you to of grown up so much. Here. (She hands Piper the plate of cookies.) Phoebe: Aww, look at little Prue. Nice pigtails Piper. (She laughs.) Piper: Not fair. Phoebe: No, what's not fair is that I never got to go to camp with you guys. (She grabs the plate off Piper and starts eating a cookie.) Piper: Um, we heard you were thinking of opening up the camp again. Mrs. Johnson: Oh, was. I thought it was over and then today another drowning. I can't ask the campers to go swimming in the lake when Piper: Um, we were wondering if you might help us with something. Prue was up here the other day and she mentioned a man, um, older, a bit off. Phoebe: I think the word that she used was crazy. Piper: We were wondering if you might know who he is. Mrs. Johnson: Oh, Sam. Only one it could be. The man's not wired together properly. He showed up when the drownings started. He just stayed here, no friends, no life of his own. You know, with someone like that, you have to wonder what he's capable of. (Piper and Phoebe look at each other. [Cut to outside. Prue pulls up in Piper's car. She gets out and stares out at the lake. Piper, Phoebe and Mrs. Johnson walk up to her.] Piper: Mrs. J., you remember my sister, Prue. Mrs. Johnson: Oh, Prue, of course I do. It's good to see you. (They hug.) Wow! You're looking more and more like your mother everyday. Prue: Um, actually it's Piper who resembles her the most. (There's an awkward silence.) Phoebe: People see a little of her in each of us, I think. Mrs. Johnson: Of course. Will you come see me again? The old broad gets lonely up here. I love to see my campers. Piper: Sure. Mrs. Johnson: Bye. Piper: Bye. Phoebe: Bye. Thank you. Prue: Bye. (She goes back up to her house.) Piper She's not opening the camp, Prue. Prue: Really, so that means it's just between us and whatever's hiding in that lake. Any word on that crazy guy? Phoebe: His name is Sam and he lives right (Prue's phone rings. She answers it.) Prue: Hello, this is Prue. Jack: Hey, how's my favourite auctionette? Prue: Fine, how's my favourite auction-ass? Jack: Ooh, nice one. Hey, listen, I just wanted to let you know that since you're not here, I'm gonna take your twelve o'clock lunch with Mr. Fugimotto. Prue: Ah, no, no, no. Wait, Mr. Fugimotto is very particular. Jack: Prue, would your relax. I will take great care of your client okay. Later. (He hangs up.) Prue: I just can not figure out what this guy's deal is. Piper: That's funny, we were just gonna ask you the same thing. Prue: Excuse me? Phoebe: Every time someone compares you to mum you flinch. It's a compliment, not a curse. Prue: Is it? Because every single day, I feel like I'm becoming more and more like her and everyday it terrifies me. Piper: Prue. Prue: I mean, don't you guys see it? Look at what happened to her and then look what's happening to me. No successful relationship with guys, being responsible for a family, now because of being this charmed thing, the very real possibility of dying young, it's like history is repeating itself. Piper: Prue, that's all just... Prue: Coincidence? I thought that we had figured out that nothing is a coincidence in our lives. Like me being here when that thing attacked, it's like I was meant to be here. Piper: Well, you're not exactly meant to be here when you're here every week. Prue: Alright, look, I just wanna find this Sam guy, see what he knows about the demon, vanquish it and get on with our lives. [Scene: Later on at the entrance to the camp. Mrs. Johnson is taking down a "Welcome Campers" sign. She hears a boat hitting the dock. She walks on the dock, and over to the boat. She notices it's not tied up and kneels down to tie it up. The water starts bubbling and a man jumps out of the water, grabs Mrs. Johnson and he jumps back in the water.] [Cut to Sam's place. Prue, Piper and Phoebe enter.] Phoebe: Sam? Be vewy, vewy quiet. We're hunting demons. Piper: I guess he's not home. (Prue looks through some sheets of paper and finds a picture of their mother.) Prue: Oh my. Piper: What? What is it? Prue: What is he doing with a picture of her? Piper: Who is this guy? Phoebe: Or what? (Prue finds some newspapers.) Prue: Okay, he has articles on every single drowning at the lake. (Piper finds a certificate.) Piper: "New York teacher of the year, Sam Wylder." In 1872? Phoebe: Okay, so this guy is either 127 years old or Piper: A demon. Prue: Named Sam? A demon named Sam? I mean, can't it be his grandfather's certificate? After all, he did save me. (Piper opens a drawer and finds some letters.) Piper: What are these? I found... (Leo orbs in and scares Piper.) Whoa! Leo, hi, what are you doing here? Leo: Come on, we gotta get outta here. Sam could be back at any minute. Prue: Wait, you know Sam? Leo: Come on, we gotta Prue: We are not going anywhere until you tell us what you know. Who is Sam? Leo: Sam was your mum's Whitelighter. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The lake.] Piper: Sam was mum's whitelighter? Leo: Emphasis on was. When your mum died, Sam clipped his wings. He's mortal now, but once, yeah he was a whitelighter. He looked after your mother. Phoebe: Then he lost our mum. Leo: To the same demon you're fighting now. Piper: And you knew? This whole time he's been living up here while Leo: I couldn't tell you. And what would it change? It would only distract you, maybe even gotten you killed. I mean, you guys were gonna have to face this thing sooner or later. And I'm here to make sure you do it with a clear head. Emotions will get the best of you if you let them. Piper: Well, can you really blame us? Phoebe: Leo, he let our mother die. Prue: Leo's right, this isn't about mum and it's not about Sam for that matter. It's about a demon who's waiting until tomorrow for brunch to be served. Piper: Mrs. J's not opening the camp. Prue: That doesn't end it, it just stalls it. Leo: You guys are behind and need to catch up. Book of Shadows, get a working knowledge of this demon before you face him. Phoebe: Hmmm, said like an unfeeling professional. This is personal for us, Leo. Piper: Leo doesn't do personal anymore, he just does his job. Leo: Now that I've done it, I guess there's no reason for me to hang around. (Leo orbs out.) Phoebe: Okay, he's gone. Now you can explain. Prue: Explain what? Phoebe: Why you're acting like all of this doesn't phase you, Prue. We are talking about how our mother was killed. (They hear Mrs. Johnson screaming for help.) Piper: Is that Mrs. Johnson? (Piper and Phoebe run on to the dock. Prue stands on the edge.) Phoebe: Your hand, give me your hand! Prue, what are you doing? We need you. (Prue starts thinking about the day her mother died and when she's in the bodybag.) Sam: Get off the dock! It's her! It's taken her over! (Mrs. Johnson goes under the water.) Phoebe: Oh my God Sam: Get off the dock now! (Water squirts up in the air and they run off the dock.) Why didn't you listen to me? I told you to stay away from the lake. It only kills in the water. Why didn't you listen to me? Nobody ever listens. Prue: We know who you are. Sam: You shouldn't listen to people in town, they'll just tell you I'm crazy but I'm not. Piper: We know you worked with our mother. Phoebe: And lost her. Sam: I knew you'd come. I knew it. And then when I saw you (Prue) it's in your eyes, your mother. Phoebe: You have no right talking about her. You lost that right when you lost her. Why are we dealing with him? Piper: Because we need to know what he knows. Sam, you have to tell us about the demon. Sam: No, no, you can't fight this thing. It's under water but it has a it-it thinks. You never know where it's gonna be, who it's gonna be. Sometimes it takes over its victim's bodies to lure you to the water. Sometimes it doesn't. Leave now, please! Forget you ever came here. Forget you ever knew. Prue: How can we do that? I mean, it's out there killing. We can't just walk away. Sam: You really wanna know what I know? I know you're not strong enough or well versed enough in your powers to take this thing on. (to Piper) I know that you have the same power as your mother. The power to freeze. And you know what happened when she tried to use it. (to Prue) And I know you'll let your emotions get in the way, you'll lose focus and you'll lose your life. That's what I know. Prue: Well, you obviously don't know us that well because we're not leaving. Sam: Strong, willful, just like Patty. Prue: I'm nothing like my mother. Sam: But you're here. Just like she was. Prue: But we'll beat it. Now, you have one choice. You can either get on board or get the hell out of the way. Sam: The power of three. Okay, okay. If you're gonna do this then you're gonna need me to help you. Phoebe: Alright, enough of this. How do we kill it? Sam: You don't. (He blows magical dust at them.) Now, you're gonna go home and you're gonna go directly to bed. Then when you wake up tomorrow you will not remember coming to the lake, or discovering the demon, or meeting me. I can't let it happen again. [Scene: Manor. It's morning. Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk out of their rooms.] Prue: I fell asleep, woke up, and suddenly it's Thursday. Phoebe: I don't feel so good. (Piper's scratching her arms.) Prue: Oh! What's that? Piper: I don't know. I itch everywhere. Phoebe: It looks like the time Prue got poison ivy. Piper: But Prue got poison ivy at camp and (The doorbell rings.) [Cut to downstairs. Piper answers the door. Dan's standing there holding a tray with bowls of cereal on it. Piper looks confused.] Dan: You don't look hungry, you look confused, and you're contagious. Piper: Dan, what are you ? Dan: Breakfast. Me, you, here, remember? Piper: Uh, everything's a little hazy this morning. Dan: Well, is there anything I can do? (Leo orbs in behind the door.) Piper: You can hold that thought. (She freezes him and closes the door.) Leo: What are you doing here? Piper: What are you doing here? I live here. What, are you checking up on me and Dan? I thought we talked about this. Leo: It has nothing to do with him. Why aren't you up at the lake? (Prue and Phoebe walk in the foyer.) Phoebe: What lake? Leo: Look, nobody has shut down the camp, so the kids are on their way there now. (Prue, Piper and Phoebe look confused.) He did it didn't he? Prue: Did what? Phoebe: Who did what? Who is he? Leo: Sam, used a power, sort of like a supernatural mickey. He must of gotten it from... Prue: Mum. Leo: Good, it's fading. Now, concentrate. It's sort of like remembering a dream. Okay, the lake, the kids, the demon, Sam. Piper: Sam? Why would he do this to us? Leo: To keep history from repeating itself. Piper: Oh, just a sec, you guys scoot. Go, go, go. (Prue and Phoebe walk in the living room. Piper opens the door. Dan unfreezes.) Dan, I know we were supposed to do this this morning, but I'm really not feeling up to it. Dan: Well, I'll cook while you scratch. Piper: I can't, there's just some stuff, family stuff going on. Dan: Say no more. I completely understand. Piper: I'd kiss you but Dan: But you're contagious. Tomorrow. I'm just glad you can tell me things. Piper: Well, I feel like I can tell you anything. (Dan leaves. Piper closes the door.) Except that there's a demon. Leo: And that you're a witch. (Piper looks at him.) Sorry, that was Piper: The truth. (Prue and Phoebe come back in.) Phoebe: We should go get dressed. Prue: The only place you will be going, contagious girl, is back to bed. Piper: But Prue: But nothing. You just look in the Book of Shadows for this things Achilles heel. Piper: But what if there isn't one? Phoebe: Then we're screwed. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The lake. Prue and Phoebe pull up in the car. They get out.] Phoebe: How are we doing in the plan part? Prue: I think that I just got one. Phoebe: I love when you take charge. Prue: Okay, you know that powder that Sam used on us? Maybe we should use it on the kids. Make them temporarily forget that they want to go in the water. Phoebe: And that'll keep them safe until we find out how to dehydrate this bstrd. Prue: Perfect. Phoebe: Oh! (They see the kids playing near the water.) Pre-pubescent demon food. Prue: Okay, go keep them out of the water. Tell them anything. I'll deal with Sam. (Phoebe runs over to them.) [Cut to Sam's place. Prue enters. Sam's sharpening an axe.] Sam: I knew I should've given you a stronger dose. Prue: Not only did you put my sisters and me in danger but you risked innocents lives. How could you? Sam: I did what I had to do to protect you and your sisters. Prue: Not that. This. All these years. How could you just sit here and watch them die? People that you were meant to protect. Sam: Well, in case you didn't get the memo, I'm not one of the good guys anymore. Prue: Part of you is. Part of you always will be. Sam: I've done nothing but make your life difficult. What makes you so sure? Prue: Because you saved me. You still have Whitelighter instincts Sam. You may have clipped your wings but this still gets you, it matters. Sam: What matters most was taken from me twenty years ago. Prue: Then we have something in common. Sam: You think I choose to stay here, to watch? That, that I'd get my kicks this way? I've been waiting for you. Prue: Why? Sam: I knew you'd come, and I had to be here to stop you. To, to save you. Prue: Because you couldn't save mum. Sam, I need the powder and then I'm gonna need for you to tell me how mum was gonna vanquish this thing. If you're gonna defeat your demon, Sam, then you're gonna have to help us defeat the one out there. We need your help. (Sam opens a drawer and gets out the powder.) Sam: I'll try to face mine. The question is can you face yours? [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Leo's got his hands above the Book of Shadows and the pages are flipping by themselves. He gives up and Piper enters carrying a washing basket.] Leo: I can't find anything. Piper: Well, then you don't have to stay with me. Looks of sympathy are not part of your job description. Leo: No. Piper: Um, why didn't your healing touch work? I mean, what, you can save a life but you can't cure poison ivy? Leo: It's not really up to me. I can only heal when they allow me to, when I'm meant to. Piper: Well, why weren't you meant to help me? Why wouldn't I be meant to help my sisters? Leo: There's always a reason. Maybe you're meant to be here. (Piper searches through the washing and finds some letters.) Piper: Dear Sam? Leo. Leo: What is it? Piper: Letters that my mum wrote to Sam. I must've forgotten about them because of the powder. "Dear Sam, Where are you? It's been two weeks since you were last here and I wonder are you alright. Do they have you off guiding someone? And I wonder when they will send you back to San Francisco. To me. Leo: Is this a Piper: A love letter? [Scene: The lake. Phoebe and the kids are in some room.] Phoebe: Okay, how about Red Rover? Kids: Boo! Phoebe: Alright, alright, how about Thumbs Up, Seven Up? Kids: Boo! Phoebe: Ooh, ooh! Lanyards. Kid #1: This sucks. We wanna go swimming Kids: Yeah! (Prue enters.) Prue: Oh, shh, shh. (They stop cheering.) Phoebe: Oh, you know, I could've done that. Did you get the powder? Prue: Oh, I got rather more. (Sam enters.) Phoebe: Your didn't have to bring him. Prue: Yes I did. (Prue's phone rings.) Phoebe: Okay, you go deal with that, I'll take care of this. Prue: Okay. (She walks outside and answers it.) Piper. Jack: Piper? I hardly know her. Prue: Jack, I'm sort of in the middle of something. Jack: Yada, yada, yada. Look, I'm gonna conference Mr. Fugimotto about the carousel horse okay. Hold on. Prue: Uh, no, no, no, wait. Mr. Fugimotto: Hello? Prue: Mr. Fugimotto, hi. Mr. Fugimotto: Miss Halliwell, have you seen it? Prue: I'm looking at the object right now. Mr. Fujimotto: How is it? Prue: Um, well, yeah, you can tell by the jewel choker that it's an original carousel horse from the 1939 World Fair in New York City and Jack: Oh, and Mr. Fugimotto, there's another thing you should probably know about the piece. (He starts talking in Japanese. Then Mr. Fujimotto talks in Japanese.) Okay, good. I'll have the paperwork sent over today. Alright, bye. Prue: So, who are you crediting as the sales agent, Jack? Jack: Prue, do you not trust me? (Prue hangs up.) [Cut to inside. Phoebe blows the powder on to the kids.] Phoebe: Okay, now remember kids, on your way to bed, water bad, land good, water bad, land good. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Piper and Leo are sitting in the cane chairs. They're reading the letters.] Piper: "Sam, yes you were clear. My eyes were open to the difficulties, the risks, but my answer is the same as it was when you were still here with me. No one understands me the way you do, no one can." Leo: "What I wouldn't do for what other people consider ordinary. A conversation that gets finished, a night spent uninterrupted. A night with you." Piper: It's like I could've written these. Leo: I wish you had. Piper: What would it have changed? Looks like this one is about our water demon. "You can't be with me up at the lake. This demon is too strong and I can't risk losing you, not for myself or the others you protect. They must as always come first. You know I'd never face this demon if I didn't think I'd be home in time for dinner to see my girls, to see you." She never came home. When did this happen? Where was dad? Leo: Your sisters need to know about Sam, your mum, Piper. Piper: And if this demon is as strong as she thought, then they're going to need me but how do we get there in time to Can you? I mean, is that breaking the rules? Leo: What rules haven't we already broken? I'll have to hold you. (Leo holds Piper and they orb out.) [Cut to the lake.] Prue: It's time Sam. We need to know. How was mum gonna vanquish it? Sam: I don't know. I failed, I lost her, isn't that enough? (Leo and Piper appear.) Piper: Whoa, that felt really alright, oh, laying down now. (She sits down on a chair.) Prue: What are you doing here? Piper: He loved her. Prue: What? Who loved who? What is she talking about? Leo: Sam. Found the letters, Sam. Sam: Patty and I Piper: Fell in love. Leo: In the letters she told you to stay away. Not to go to the lake. Sam: But I did. I wouldn't have for anyone else. But I should've followed the rules, not fallen in love. I never would've been there. I never would've distracted her and she never would've died. Phoebe: You loved her and you blame yourself. Sam: Do you blame me? Everyday I wake up and for just a second, just a second I think maybe it didn't happen. Yes I blame myself. Prue: We have to see past our emotions to deal with this, Sam. So do you. Sam: Even so, it doesn't change the fact that I didn't see it happen. I tried to warn her and she froze me. Leo: Why? Piper: Because she was trying to protect him. Sam: Protecting was supposed to be my job. I couldn't help her, I don't know how I can help you, I didn't see what happened. Prue: I know somebody who can see anything. Phoebe: Oh, no. Wait a minute. You tiptoe around the subject of mum, you deny looking like her, you can't even go to the end of that dock because you're afraid to walk in her footsteps and now you want me to relive her last moments? How is that fair? Prue: It's not. None of this is. Mum's death, Sam's guilt. But I'm asking you to help me end it. (Phoebe walks over and holds Sam's hands. She has a premonition. In the premonition: Patty's on the dock. She grabs a power cable. Sam comes running towards her.) Sam: Patty, look out! (Patty freezes him. The water demon raises up and a whole heap of water falls on top of her. The premonition ends and Phoebe starts coughing.) Piper: Did you see her? Phoebe: It entered her and it drowned her from the inside. Prue: Phoebe, in your vision, what was mum doing? Phoebe: She was using something on the dock. Some... a wire? Leo: Power cable? Piper: Makes sense. Electricity is the only thing that separates water particles. Phoebe: So, what do we do differently? Prue: Maybe nothing. Sam, would mum's plan have worked if she had finished it? Sam: Absolutely. Piper: But you said her power, my power, doesn't work against this demon. Phoebe: So that's it. We use mum's plan with one difference. The witch at the end of the dock is not gonna be the one with the power to freeze. Prue: It's gonna be me. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The lake.] Piper: Are you ready? Prue: Yeah. Sam: You don't have to do this. Prue: Yes, I do. Phoebe: Just focus on the demon, not what this is about. Prue: Right. Sam: Forgot how good this feels. (She starts walking to the dock.) Leo: Really? How's it feel to be mortal? Sam: Why would you want to know? (Prue's standing on the start of the dock. Sam walks up to her.) Let's go face our demons. (They walk onto the dock. Prue picks up the power cables.) Prue: Okay, you in the water. I know that you've been waiting for this. For me. Well, here I am, so come and get me. You took what matters most to me and as long as I live, you will never kill again. (The water starts bubbling.) Piper: Prue, behind you! (Phoebe and Piper start running towards the dock.) Leo: Piper, wait! (Piper freezes Leo.) (The water demon rises out from under the water.) Sam: No! Not her! Take me! (It then sweeps over Sam like a wave and enters his body.) Stay back! (Sam picks up the power cables.) Now! (The power turns on and Sam gets electrocuted. He falls to the ground.) Prue: No, Sam. (Phoebe and Piper run up to them. Leo unfreezes.) Sam: It's gone, it's gone. Phoebe: Leo, do something. (Leo tries to heal Sam.) Prue: What? Why isn't anything happening? Piper: Because it's not meant to. Sam: It's okay, it's time to go. Prue: No. Sam: I did what I've been waiting to do, I kept it from happening. History won't repeat itself. Phoebe: But you're going. Sam: I'm gonna see Patty again. (to Leo) Don't lose her. (Patty's spirit appears.) Patty? Patty? Prue: Say hi for me, for us. (Sam's spirit appears next to Patty. They disappear.) [Scene: Bucklands. Prue enters her office. Jack's there.] Prue: Um, I have something to say, okay. I have worked at Bucklands for a year and a half and in that time I have survived take overs, near bankruptcy, and superiors from hell who have tried to kill me. So, whatever it is that you're planning to do or already done, nothing and I mean nothing will surprise me. Jack: I just need you to sign this. It's the confirmation sheet on the Fugimotto sale. (He shows her a sheet of paper.) Prue: You listed me as the sales agent. Jack: It was your deal wasn't it? Prue: You covered for me, I'm surprised. So, um, what do you say as a thank you, I take you to dinner? Jack: But wouldn't that be breaking one of Prue Halliwell's rules of etiquette? Prue: I've decided that even though mixing business with pleasure can have its very nasty consequences, it can also bear some fruitful rewards. Jack: Um, so, what's it gonna be? Nasty or fruitful? Prue: Well, that depends on how you do at dinner. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe's sticking Patty's letters in a photo album. Piper's sitting on the couch putting stuff on her poison ivy.] Phoebe: At least fighting this demon came with a consolation prize. I mean, it didn't bring mum back but these brought her closer. Piper: It's a good idea, Pheebs. Making a journal out of mum's letters. Phoebe: Yeah, not as good as the real thing though. Piper: Nothing is. (Leo orbs in near the kitchen. Piper sees him but Phoebe doesn't. He gestures with his head for her to go over there.) Um, tea. You want some tea? I'm gonna go get some. Phoebe: Sure. (Piper goes in the kitchen.) Leo: I don't want to interrupt. Piper: I think I can steep and talk at the same time. Do you want any? Leo: It's just this, this whole situation you know, Sam, your mum, those letters. He loved her. Like I love you. Piper: Leo, we've been through this before, we both know how we feel, but there are things, people involved now. Leo: Can you tell Dan the truth, Piper? Piper: That's between him and me. You and I have a job to do and I thought that we agreed to try and put that first. Leo: So did Sam and your mum. Look at the outcome. Piper: You're leaving aren't you? For good this time. Leo: I don't know. But I do know we have to stop working together because I can't stop loving you. Which means I can't do my job. Piper: And I can't do mine. I don't know how to say goodbye. Leo: Don't. (He orbs out. Someone knocks on the back door. Piper opens it. Dan's standing there holding a tray with bowls of cereal on it.) Piper: Dan, what are you doing at the back door? Dan: Well, when I knock on the front door I never seem to make it through the thresh hold. Hungry? Are you okay? Piper: I am just , I'm fine. Dan: Are you sure? I mean, you can tell me. Piper: I know, I'm just not very hungry. Dan: Come on, give it a try. (He eats a Froot Loop.) Piper: Okay, I'll give it a try.	Plan: A: the water demon; Q: Who killed the Charmed Ones mother 20 years ago? A: Phoebe; Q: Who is the third Charmed Ones member to face the water demon? A: the same camp; Q: Where did the Charmed Ones meet Sam? A: Patty; Q: Who was drowned to death at the same camp as Prue, Piper, and Phoebe? A: Sam; Q: Who is the former white-lighter of Patty? A: their mother; Q: Who did the Charmed Ones learn shocking secrets about? A: one; Q: How many of the secrets Prue learns about her mother mirrors Piper's relationship with Leo? Summary: When the water demon that killed the Charmed Ones mother 20 years ago returns and starts killing again, Prue, Piper, and Phoebe must face him at the same camp where Patty was drowned to death. While there, they meet Sam, their mother's former white-lighter and learn some shocking secrets about their mother, one of which mirrors Piper's relationship with Leo. Prue goes to some drastic lengths to vanquish the water demon.
THE INVISIBLE ENEMY BY BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN Part Four Running time: 21:22 [SCENE_BREAK] NUCLEUS: Help me out. DOCTOR: Professor Marius. The Doctor sees Marius' scaly face. DOCTOR: Oh no, not you too. MARIUS: Yes, Doctor. Contact has been made. Now I serve the purpose. DOCTOR: What? That pathetic crustacean, your leader? MARIUS: You are speaking of the Nucleus, the Nucleus of the Swarm. NUCLEUS: Take me to him. DOCTOR: Finding the macro world difficult? NUCLEUS: It suits me well. DOCTOR: I thought I'd got rid of you. NUCLEUS: You were mistaken. I made use of your escape route through the eye. DOCTOR: Yes, you'd have known about that, wouldn't you. NUCLEUS: Another mistake, and a costly one, Time Lord, because now, thanks to your dimensional stabiliser, I am no longer forced to exist in the micro world to breed and multiply. My Swarm, when it is hatched on Titan, will no longer be invisible microbes prey to all, but mighty and invulnerable creatures, invincible. The age of man is over, Doctor. The age of the virus has begun. DOCTOR: I've heard it all before. You megalomaniacs are all the same. NUCLEUS: Bring him with us to Titan, to be consumed by the Swarm. [SCENE_BREAK] In another room Leela has dressed in the green PVC nurses outfit and puts makeup on her face to look as if she's possessed by the virus. LEELA: How do I look? K9: Friend, mistress. LEELA: If I can just get close enough to that Nucleus, we'll see how friendly I am. K9: Hostiles approaching with the Doctor. Out in the corridor the infected people are moving the nucleus and the Doctor toward the airlock. LEELA: Come on. NUCLEUS: Hurry, hurry. It is time for the spawning. I must get to the place prepared on Titan. MARIUS: Nurse, take over here. I must assist the Nucleus. NUCLEUS: Hurry! MARIUS: Come with me. NUCLEUS: Breeding time approaches. They reach the airlock. Leela continues pushing the Doctor's gurney past them - she has already cut the bonds. MARIUS: Nurse, not that way. The Doctor leaps off the gurney. Leela takes cover and pulls her blaster. MARIUS: Stop them! The Doctor hurls the gurney at Lowe. There is a brief exchange of blaster fire. LOWE: They're getting away! NUCLEUS: No, they are simply trapped. NUCLEUS: Marius, stay here to make sure the Doctor doesn't escape, and make contact with all other staff in the Foundation. Bring the Doctor to us later. Hurry! [SCENE_BREAK] Inside the TARDIS Leela removes her makeup and hat. LEELA: Now what? DOCTOR: Now nothing. LEELA: Doctor, if we get to Titan first, we can still beat that thing. DOCTOR: No, we can't. The dimensional stabiliser's still in the isolation ward. Without it, the TARDIS won't move an inch. LEELA: You mean there's nothing we can do? DOCTOR: I didn't say that. He crouches down. DOCTOR: K9. Now listen to me, K9. Do you think you could poleaxe, do you think you could poleaxe Marius? K9: Poleaxe? DOCTOR: Yes, knock him out. K9: Affirmative. My photon beam weaponry has four levels of intensity, Doctor. Kill, paralyse DOCTOR: No, no, no, not kill. Not kill. Just knock out. K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: Good dog. K9 rolls out of the TARDIS doors. [SCENE_BREAK] Marius is waiting outside using the intercom. MARIUS: All senior staff, report to Reception. This is Professor Marius speaking. All senior staff report to Reception. Ah, K9. K9, I no longer require you to obey... K9 blasts him. The Doctor comes out. DOCTOR: You're a good dog, K9. Good dog. [SCENE_BREAK] We see the base in space. Damage from the shuttle crash is NOT clearly visible. Next we see the exhaust pipes of a shuttle flaring into life. The shuttle on the pad lifts off. It flies away from the base. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the lab they've got Marius lying on the table. DOCTOR: Come on, Leela, quickly. We haven't got a moment to spare. Not frightened of blood, are you? You, the mighty huntress. LEELA: Just hurry up. LEELA: Haven't we been through all this before? DOCTOR: I had a virus then. I'm immune now. Something must have happened while you and I were inside my head. I want to find out what. Ah, that's interesting. You see that? He puts the sample up on the monitor screen. DOCTOR: That little fish hook is the only thing that you and I have in common. It wasn't there before, so it must be the antibody, the immunity factor. LEELA: How did what I have get into your bloodstream? DOCTOR: Quite simple. Your clone was absorbed into my bloodstream and passed on the immunity to me. All we've got to do is isolate it, analyse it, duplicate it and inject it into Marius here, and he in turn will be able to cure all the others. LEELA: What about the Nucleus? What about Titan? DOCTOR: Come on, one thing at a time. One thing at a time. [SCENE_BREAK] On board the shuttle. NUCLEUS: Faster, faster. LOWE: We can't. We'll burn out the motors. NUCLEUS: Let them burn out. Once we reach Titan and the breeding tanks, our job is finished. LOWE: What about the Doctor? NUCLEUS: He will follow. Marius will make sure of that, whatever happens. Faster. Use all the fuel. Faster! Lowe pushes the controls to maximum. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the lab. LEELA: Doctor, look! It's working. The scales fade from Marius' face. DOCTOR: Sometimes my brilliance astonishes even me. Come on, Marius. Wake up, wake up. Come on. MARIUS: Where's Parsons? What happened? DOCTOR: He's dead, I'm afraid. Do you remember anything? MARIUS: I remember Lowe coming in, and then Parsons, and then a flash and then nothing. Did the experiment work? DOCTOR: Yes and no. Unfortunately the Nucleus got away by means of the dimensional stabiliser. It's on its way to Titan to breed. MARIUS: Was I taken over? DOCTOR: Yes, it got to you. MARIUS: But we found the immunity factor, so we're safe here for a while. What was it? DOCTOR: It was something in Leela. Something we all missed. This is it. You'll have to cultivate a great deal more. MARIUS: Yes. DOCTOR: If those antibodies can confer immunity, they can be used to attack the Nucleus. MARIUS: Attack the Nucleus? Oh, that's dangerous. DOCTOR: Of course it's dangerous. If we allow the Nucleus to breed and swarm, it'll go through the entire Solar System like a plague of giant locusts. MARIUS: But will you get to Titan on time? DOCTOR: Yes, by means of the dimensional stabiliser. [SCENE_BREAK] On Titan Safran calls the shuttle. SAFRAN: Safran on Titan. Safran on Titan. The hive is prepared. The breeding tanks are ready. Temperature and humidity are set. I await your arrival from the generation of the Swarm. [SCENE_BREAK] Back on board the shuttle. LOWE: Maximum speed. We have reached maximum speed. NUCLEUS: Faster! We must go faster! Now the time for spawning is very close. Lowe pushes the controls further. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the lab, Marius and others are working. LEELA: How much longer? DOCTOR: We can't rush these things. They're breeding as fast as they can. K9 will tell us when they've got the most powerful strain. LEELA: Doctor, why don't we just blow up Titan? Nucleus, breeding tanks, everything. DOCTOR: That's your answer to everything, isn't it, knock it on the head. LEELA: Effective, isn't it? Smash it once and for all. Well? DOCTOR: With what? This is a hospital, not an arsenal. LEELA: All right, what are you going to do? K9: Confirm. Confirm strain C five three one has lethal capacity. MARIUS: Doctor, we've done it! Congratulations. There isn't a moment to be lost. Cultivate C five three one. DOCTOR: Thank you, K9. LEELA: And? DOCTOR: Now, just get it into the tanks and wait for it to attack the Nucleus in the same way it attacked us. Microscopically. It's neat, don't you think? LEELA: Is that all? If we can get to Titan on time, if we can get past Lowe and the others, if it works when we get it in there. If. I thought you didn't like killing? DOCTOR: I don't. LEELA: Then why are you doing all this? DOCTOR: The virus has a perfect right to exist as a virus, not as a giant storm threatening the entire Solar System. Everything has its place. Otherwise the delicate balance of the whole cosmos is destroyed. LEELA: I still say we should blow it up. MARIUS: Doctor. The batch is complete. DOCTOR: Good. Now for the TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] Lowe's party with the nucleus has reached Titan. NUCLEUS: Remember, I must be protected in the hive. The future of the Swarm depends on you now. They place it into the tank. [SCENE_BREAK] Back at the reception area Leela and the Doctor are going into the TARDIS, Marius and K9 nearby. MARIUS: Good luck, Doctor. DOCTOR: Thank you, Professor. Oh, Professor. MARIUS: Yes? DOCTOR: I don't suppose we could borrow K9, could we? MARIUS: Borrow K9? DOCTOR: Shush. MARIUS: What for? DOCTOR: Well, I'm not at liberty to say, but he could be very useful. MARIUS: Of course. I understand. K9, obey the Doctor. K9: Affirmative. He rolls toward the TARDIS but doesn't actually go in on camera because it's physically impossible for him to do so. [SCENE_BREAK] Back on Titan, Lowe and the others take up defense positions. Lowe looks into the chamber where the nucleus writhes. Inside the breeding tank, bulbous things pulsate. In the supervisor's office, Safran is watching the hive on the monitor. He hears the TARDIS noise and leaves the room. The TARDIS materializes inside. The Doctor emerges, heads to the door, then comes back to look at the television monitor. LEELA: Doctor, what is it? DOCTOR: They're starting to hatch. Outside the door, a guard holds his blaster ready, listening intently. DOCTOR: Let's go. He opens the door and immediate ly slams it shut again. LEELA: Now what's the matter? DOCTOR: There's a man at the door. Leela waves the Doctor aside, crouches and aims her blaster at the door. There is a knock. DOCTOR: Come in. Leela fires at the guard. He strides forward mostly unaffected. But as he moves toward Leela, K9 fires and the guard falls to the ground. LEELA: Thank you, K9. Well, Doctor, what's wrong? Why didn't my blaster work? DOCTOR: They're developing a resistance to radiation. Their internal cell structure K9: Problem. I have a problem. Offensive capability seriously diminished. Reserves very low. LEELA: K9's breaking up, my blaster's finished. What are we going to do? DOCTOR: Shall we try using our intelligence? LEELA: Well, if you think that's a good idea. DOCTOR: Come on. The breeding of bulbous things continues. [SCENE_BREAK] In the corridor outside. DOCTOR: (quietly) K9, do you see that guard? K9: (quietly) Affirmative. DOCTOR: (quietly) I want you to decoy him. He pats K9 on the head, and K9 rolls forward. The guard follows and we hear blaster fire. Lowe and Safran are viewing the nucleus. K9 returns. K9: Mission accomplished. DOCTOR: Good dog. Your turn now, Leela. See you back at the TARDIS. LEELA: Or not. Good luck, Doctor. You know we should have done what I said. DOCTOR: What was that? LEELA: Blow them up. Goodbye, Doctor. She runs off. K9 comes down the corridor. Safran runs past, and Lowe fires continuously at K9 as he rolls onward. The Doctor approaches the hive. Lowe wasn't dumb - he wasn't drawn off. He aims his blaster at the Doctor. LOWE: Your futile attempt has failed, as we knew it would. Now you will join the Nucleus. DOCTOR: Well, I'd rather not, actually. LOWE: You have no choice. DOCTOR: Oh look, look, they appear to be hatching. Are congratulations in order? Lowe opens the door to the hive. LOWE: You will join the Swarm to be consumed, to become part of our purpose! K9 blasts him from behind, and the Doctor pushes Lowe into the hive. DOCTOR: Well done, K9, well done. Come on. Let's get out of here while there's still time. K9: I cannot. All reserves finished. DOCTOR: What? Come on. He quickly attaches a lead to K9's neck. DOCTOR: Come on. He strides quickly from the spot, pulling K9 on the lead. NUCLEUS: Come back, Doctor. We need you. Leela walks past an oxygen tank and onto a raised platform. You can see her underwear. Safran is hunting her and comes in below the platform. If he'd look up he'd have a great view. She leaps down onto him and they fall to the floor. Without much effort, she stabs him in the neck. The Doctor and K9 enter. LEELA: Did you kill it? DOCTOR: No, I lost the antibodies. LEELA: What? Never mind, Doctor, I've found the answer. DOCTOR: You have? LEELA: Knife them in the neck. DOCTOR: Can you do that to a thousand? A thousand thousand? LEELA: What are we going to do? Tom flubs his line here which should be "I think I've got an idea". DOCTOR: That's a good idea. Take K9 back to the TARDIS. He's out of juice. He sees the oxygen tank and goes up on the raised platform. He looks at the controls. He moves from the platform to the door of the hive. He attaches something to the door handle. NUCLEUS (OOV.): Who's there? He comes around to the side of the hive tank and turns a wheel. He pulls a hose from the side. NUCLEUS (OOV.): Is that you, Time Lord? DOCTOR: Well, as far as I know, there's no one else except you and me here, so it must be me. He attaches a wire to the door handle. Leela pulls K9 down the corridor. The exhaust spews steam. The Doctor finishes his rig which includes a blaster. NUCLEUS (OOV.): You're finished, Doctor. DOCTOR: Not quite. NUCLEUS (OOV.): There's no escape for you now. You are destined to become part of the purpose. DOCTOR: Well, that depends on how long it's going to take you to get out of there. NUCLEUS (OOV.): Fool. Do you think a metal barrier can contain the Swarm? It makes shrieking noises as we see a closeup of the blaster fixed to the door handle. The Doctor zips speedily into the TARDIS and slams the door, getting the end of the scarf caught. [SCENE_BREAK] Leela and K9 remain crouched behind the supervisor control desk. The scarf end disappears, then the TARDIS. Leela stands. LEELA: Doctor! The TARDIS reappears and Leela drags K9 toward it. We see the door to the hive moving. [SCENE_BREAK] Inside the TARDIS Leela and K9 come in. LEELA: Why did you not wait? The TARDIS vanishes again. At the hive door, the nucleus continues to push. We see the base from outside, and an explosion causes an eruption of flame. The flame burns for a moment, then another explosion rocks the moon. They watch the explosion on the scanner. It appears as if Titan itself is on fire - did the Doctor destroy Titan? LEELA: Is it gone? DOCTOR: Yes. LEELA: All of it? DOCTOR: Yes. Methane atmosphere. Mix well with oxygen and run. That was a good idea of mine, K9, to blow it up. K9: Affirmative. LEELA: What do you mean, it was a good idea of yours. It was my idea. DOCTOR: What was? LEELA: To blow it up. DOCTOR: Well then, you should be feeling very happy. LEELA: Yes, I am. Shall we return K9 to the Professor? The TARDIS spins in space. Is that empty black circle supposed to be Titan? [SCENE_BREAK] Back at the reception area of the Bi-Al Foundation. DOCTOR: Goodbye. MARIUS: Goodbye, Doctor, and thank you for everything you've done for us. DOCTOR: It's been a pleasure, Professor. It's been a pleasure. Do you know that without K9 I think we'd have been part of the Swarm by now. LEELA: We'd never have managed with out him. Her. It. Sorry, K9. K9: Apologies are not necessary, but thank you, mistress. MARIUS: I think K9 has taken to you. Oh. Actually, I have to return to Earth shortly and you could do me a great favour if DOCTOR: What? LEELA: Take K9 with us? MARIUS: Yes. DOCTOR: No. LEELA: Yes! Oh, please, Doctor, please, please, let's take him. MARIUS: K9 seems to have made up his own mind. The Doctor and Leela follow K9 into the TARDIS and shut the doors. MARIUS: I only hope he's TARDIS trained.	Plan: A: the clones; Q: What is the alien virus trying to retrieve? A: the alien virus; Q: What is brought from the microbial world into the macro world? Summary: In trying to retrieve the clones from inside the Doctor, the alien virus is brought from the microbial world into the macro-world, and it's ready to spawn.
Ted from 2030: Kids,the spring of 2008 was a pretty great time for me. Stella and I had started dating, and I'd just gotten a big raise at work. So I decided to purchase something I knew would be the envy of all my friends. Outside Ted: A new car! Barney: Ted, this is new york city... You're never gonna drive it. This is a really, really stupid purchase, and I'm sorry, but none of us can support it. Shotgun for eternity! Robin: You can't call shotgun for eternity. Barney: I just called it. Robin: You can't just call things, barney. Barney: I call that I can call things! Lily: Hey, baby. Marshall: Beer. Lily: Are you okay? Marshall: Beer. At the Bar Ted: Okay, what happened? Marshall: They always told me that working at a big law firm was like being at war... [FLASHBACK] Marshall is at work, at Nicholson, Hewitt and West Marshall:...You get out of law school, it's like getting out of boot camp. That first day at work, you're storming the beaches, full of piss and vinegar... Man: Dude, we're lawyers now. Marshall: Totally. Man: We've got briefcases and everything. Marshall: Freakin' briefcases. Man: You have anything in yours? Marshall: Totally empty. you? Man: Candy bars. Marshall: Then you get in the trenches side by side with your buddies. And you feel a sense of camaraderie. But before too long... A man enters his office. Arthur: Hey, Marshall.... Marshall:...the shells start to fall. Hello, Arthur. [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: Arthur Hobbes is one of the senior partners at my firm, and he's... he's my boss. He seems like a nice guy, but he's got a nickname... Artillery arthur. [FLASHBACK] Arthur: How's your morning going? Marshall: It's going fine. How is yours? Arthur: Not too bad, not too bad. Hey, is Ferguson in yet? Marshall: He is, he's in... just in his office next door. Arthur: That's great... have a good one, buddy. Marshall: You, too. (Arthur leaves Marshall's office) You never know who's gonna get hit... (Marshall hears Arthur screaming in the next office, Ferguson's.) Arthur: Hey, Ferguson! I read your report, and it's complete crap! No, you know what? That's an insult to crap. If crap could eat and then crap stuff out, it's that! Your report is the crap that crap craps! If you last two more days here, I'll be shocked! Shocked! [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: It was brutal, But the worst was a few minutes later. [FLASHBACK] (Ferguson is at the door of Marshall's office) Ferguson: Did you hear that? Marshall: Yeah, sorry. Ferguson: Can you believe he did that On "Take-your-daughter-to-work" day? (A little girls comes out of his father's shadow) [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: So that brings us to today. A little background. So I'm working on this report called "Using 23-b-3 spurious class action precedent to contest a class certification order based on a lack of commonality, numerosity..." Ted: Dude, you lost us. Can't you just call it something cool like "the ninja report"? Marshall: Okay. yeah, fine, whatever. Um, so I'm supposed to turn in "the ninja report" yesterday. But I got insanely busy with other stuff, I didn't get a chance to finish it, and then this morning... [FLASHBACK] (Marshall is in his office, on the phone. Marshall hears Arthur talking to Ferguson nearby) Arthur: Hey, Ferguson. Ferguson: Hey, Arthur. Arthur: How's your day going? Marshall: I gotta go. Ferguson: Great. how is yours? Arthur: Great, great... Hey, is Marshall in yet? Ferguson: Oh, thank god. Yeah, he's right in there. Arthur: Fantastic. have a good one, buddy. (Arthur comes in Marshall's office without annoucing himself) Marshall: And then... [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: He screamed at me. Lily: Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. Barney: What, that's it? You're upset because a guy talked loudly near you? Marshall: Barney, I have never been screamed at like that in my life. Ted: Come on, when's the last time you got screamed at at work? Barney: I got screamed at three times today. Once in Korean. This is corporate America, Marshall. Screaming is a motivational tool, like christmas bonuses or sexual harassment. It's just good business. Lily: Oh, baby, it's just not fair. You've been working so hard. Late nights, weekends. I never see you. We've barely made love in weeks. It's bad, guys, mama needs her sugar. Robin: Look, Marshall, he screamed at you, you took it. He probably respects you more for it. Marshall: Yeah, about that... So Arthur's busy giving me the full screaming treatment... Face turning red, vein in his forehead about to burst, spittle flying like shrapnel. Everyone you work with walking by your office, peering in. And suddenly, I just felt all of it. Ted: All of what? Marshall: All of it. The fact that I became a lawyer to save the environment, and now I'm working for the bad guys instead. The fact that I am stuck in this job because of a mortgage I can barely afford on an apartment that is crooked. The fact that I am a grown man, and nobody, not even Artillery Arthur, has the right to talk to me like that! [FLASHBACK] (Arthur is still screaming at Marshall) Marshall: I begged my body not to do it. But it was no use. I just... I just... (Marshall starts crying) [END OF FLASHBACK] Barney: Just because you weren't around for this, I called shotgun for all eternity in Ted's car. [OPENING CREDITS] Barney: Dude I can't believe you cried in front of your boss. Marshall: I don't know what happened. There's just something about being yelled at like that, like I was being scolded by my dad. Suddenly... suddenly I was a little boy. Robin: Is "boy" the right word? Marshall: I felt absolutely powerless. Flaccid... Hell, I... I felt castrated. Lily: God, you're hot right now. Marshall: And the worst thing is, tomorrow morning I have to walk into Arthur's office and give him the ninja report. Barney: Ooh. ooh. ninjas are cool. Marshall: How the hell am I supposed to face this guy again? Robin: Here's what I would do if I were you. [ROBIN'S SCENARIO] Robin: Hi, Arthur. Arthur: Hello, Marshall. Have you finally finished the ninja report? Robin: Yeah, I got it. Right here. I think it's gonna blow you away. Arthur: Please, I have a family. Robin: So we good? Arthur: We're so good. Robin: Then why are you still in my office? [END OF ROBIN'S SCENARIO] Ted: Okay, gun violence might be the answer to everything up in Canada, Robin, but here in America, we solve our problems with words. Marshall, you go in and you dazzle this guy with a big eloquent speech defending human dignity. Like abraham Lincoln. Marshall: Yeah, because it's so easy just to bust out a big, eloquent speech off the top of your head. Ted: Observe. [TED'S SCENARIO] Ted: Arthur? Arthur: What do you want, Marshall? Ted: Justice, sir. You see, we are all born with certain incontrovertible rights, the most fundamentally paramount of which is the right... Wait, you can't be fundamentally paramount. One means highest, one means lowest. Arthur: You are nailing this. Ted: Human beings have rights, and those rights are, um... Arthur: You got me hooked, reel me in. Ted: There are certain justices that cannot or will not be inalienable... as such... for the future. Arthur: Stuck the landing... bravo! Thank you. Security's gonna rough you up a bit on the way out. [END OF TED'S SCENARIO] Marshall: Guys, guys, this is not helping, okay? I can't have some big confrontation with Arthur. I need this job, i... I need the money. Ted: Yeah, but how good would it feel to walk in there tomorrow, tell him off and then quit? Marshall: It's great to fantasize about, but nobody ever actually does it. Barney: Gary blauman did it. Guy I used to work with, the guy's a legend now. We were at the morning meeting and old Blauman was getting reamed out but good. [FLASHBACK] Barney: Pretty much routine at the morning meeting, but then, on this particular day, something amazing happened. Bilson: You made yourself look bad, you made this company look bad, and quite frankly, you made our friends, the North Koreans, look bad! And I'll tell you something else, Blauman, if you think for one moment... Blauman: You know what, Bilson? You can kiss my ass. Barney: Oh, snap. Bilson: What? Blauman: You heard me. I don't need to take your crap anymore. My cousin's website went public today, and I made a pile of money on the ipo, so you know what I think Of this whole damn company? [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Oh, my God. Marshall: He peed on the conference table? [FLASHBACK] (Blauman is standing on the conference table) Blauman: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Uh, look, could you guys just look away for a second till I get started? Come on. Come on. Barney, pouring some water in a glass: Does this help? [END OF FLASHBACK] Barney: Eventually, he just gave up and left. And then his cousin's website tanked. And then he became a janitor at an old folks' home and moved into a one-room apartment above a bowling alley. Marshall: That's it? that's the end of the story? Barney: No, no, of course not... he died. Marshall: How does that help me? How does any of this help me? Can somebody, for god's sakes, please give me one piece of useful advice? Barney: Lily, control your woman. The lesson of Blauman is that when your boss screams at you, you never scream back. That's why there's a little thing in corporate America I like to call the chain of screaming. Marshall: Chain of screaming? Barney: Yes. The chain of screaming starts at the top. Arthur's boss's boss screams at Arthur's boss. Arthur's boss screams at Arthur. Arthur screams at you. You go home and scream at Lily. Lily screams at one of the kids in her kindergarten class. Then that kid screams at her dad, Arthur's boss's boss. And the whole thing starts all over again, Thus completing the circle of screaming. Ted: I thought it was a chain of screaming. Barney: It's a circle, Ted, I called it a circle. Marshall: I don't scream at Lily. Lily: And I don't scream at my kids, none of whom have parents who work at marshall's firm. Robin: So it's not a circle. Barney: Fine! You want it to be a chain of screaming, it's a chain of screaming. I came up with the circle idea halfway through, 'cause I thought it was a more elegant metaphor, but fine, ruin it! You guys always undermine me when I'm trying to make a point, and I'm sick of it! God, I'm surrounded by idiots! Idiots! See, doesn't everyone feel better now? Marshall: Lily, I need your take on this. What... what should I do? Lily: Well, what I teach my kids in kindergarten... Barney: Oh, God. Lily:...When dealing with a bully, the most important thing is to be constructive and positive. [SCENE_BREAK] [LILY'S SCENARIO] Lily: Hello, Arthur. Arthur: Hello, Marshall. Lily: I have the ninja report right here. But Arthur, in the future, if you want someone to do their best work, try to motivate them, not with fear and intimidation, but through encouragement, inspiration and respect. Arthur: Well said, Marshall, I needed to hear that. By the way, I saw your wife's picture in your office. That is one tasty slice. Lily: Oh, you're damn right. You know what I'm gonna do when I get home? Arthur: Oh, yeah. Lily: I'm gonna rip that girl's clothes off... Arthur: That's it. Lily:...just throw her on the bed... Arthur: That's where she belongs. Lily:...and drive her home like a pack of sled dogs! [END OF LILY'S SCENARIO] Lily: It's bad, guys. Mama needs it bad. Marshall: You're right, baby, it's about respect. That is the first useful thing anyone's said to me tonight. Can you give me that speech again? Lily: I'm gonna drive her home like a pack of... Marshall:No, the other part, please. Lily: I have the ninja report right here, but... Ted from 2030: And it seemed like that was the end of it, but it wasn't, because the next night... At the apartment Lily: Which of these carpets would look better in the new apartment? I like the color of this one, but this one's so soft. It would feel great on your bare feet......or your bare back, a bead of eager sweat rolling down your trembling bosom. Ted: Lily, didn't we just go through this with bathroom tiles? (Ted picks up his phone) Marshall: Shh, don't say my name. Lily can't know it's me. Just pretend you're talking to Stella. Be all lovey dovey. Ted: Hey, Stella. Sweetie, how's it going? Marshall: Not good, not good at all. Ted: Where are you right now? Marshall: Right downstairs, come find me. Without Lily. Ted: Okay, I'll see you soon. Marshall: I love you. Ted: I love you, too. Lily: Wow, you two are already saying the "l" word, huh? Ted: Apparently. Lily: You hitting that? Downstairs... Marshall: I'm in trouble, Ted. Ted, I'm freakin' out, man. Ted: Um... it's a new car, so just be careful... Marshall: I did something stupid, can we just drive somewhere? I need to get away... just drive, man. Please just drive. Ted: It's just, this is a really good parking spot. Marshall: Dude! Ted: Look, just tell me what happened first. Marshall: Remember how I said I was gonna give that big speech that Lily told me to give, be firm but respectful? Well, it didn't totally go that way. Ted: There is a lot of ketchup on that burger. Sorry, what happened? Marshall: After we all finished talking last night, I went to the diner to finish working on the ninja report. [FLASHBACK] (Marshall is at the Diner, Barney finds him) Barney: Hey, marshall. Marshall: How long have you been sitting there? Barney: If you go in there with Lily's kindergarten nonsense, you're gonna get torn apart. I'm here to save your life. you hungry? Marshall: Yeah, I was just about to order. Barney: What do you want? Marshall: A sandwich and gravy fries. Waiter: Okay, friends, what do you like? Barney: A green tea with lemon for me, and for my friend here, the meatloaf, please. Waiter: Very good. Marshall: No, I didn't want meatloaf. Barney: Marshall, the chain of screaming is a real thing. Arthur screamed at you... now you have to scream at someone else. Marshall: No, I don't. Barney: Yes, you do, or else that anger is gonna eat you alive. Marshall: Who would I even scream at? Barney: I don't know. How about somebody who's disappointed you? Someone who's let you down. Someone who's gonna bring you meatloaf when you explicitly ordered a sandwich and gravy fries. Marshall: No. [END OF FLASHBACK] (Robin climbs in) Robin: Hey, I was just heading to the bar. What are you guys doing out here? Marshall: Oh, I was just telling Ted a story. Robin: Ooh, I like stories. You want a lick? What? Ted: Is that ice cream cone big enough? Robin: Uh, it's delicious enough. Marshall: Okay, so... Then I say to Barney... [FLASHBACK] Marshall: I'm not gonna scream at the waiter, barney. Barney: Yes, you are. That waiter is every boss and every bully who ever embarrassed or belittled you. And how dare he deny you the one thing that you want, that would make you happy at this moment. A sandwich and gravy fries. Waiter: One green tea with lemon, one meatloaf. Enjoy, my friends. Barney: Marshall. Marshall: Excuse me? Waiter: Yes? Marshall: This is not what I ordered. Waiter: Yes, it is. Marshall: I beg your pardon, sir, But I ordered a sandwich and gravy fries, And as the customer, I'm always right, so... Waiter: No, no, I am not going to stand here and take this! I am at the end of a triple shift... that's 18 hours!... And then I have to take two trains and a bus to astoria to have my wife scream at me because I'm never home. No, no, you eat your damn meatloaf! (Barney climbs in) Barney: Hey, what are you guys doing out here? Robin: Oh sweet, can I get a toot? Ted: Uh-uh. against car rules, it's against car rules! Barney: Oh, Ted, relax, it's Cuban. People pay to have their car smell like this. Ted: Well, that's just not true. Barney: Oh, Marshall, switch seats with me. I called shotgun for all eternity. Robin:You can't call shotgun for eternity. Barney: Well, that's funny, cause I did! Robin:It's case by case. Marshall: Guys, I'm telling a life-altering story here! [FLASHBACK] (Barney and Marshall are walking in the street) Barney: A 20% tip, really, for that waiter? Marshall: I don't know, Barney, he worked a triple, it just... Barney: I can't believe it! If you're not gonna yell at the waiter, Yell at me. Marshall: What? Barney: Yell at me. Marshall: I'm not gonna yell at you, Barney. Barney: What, you think you're gonna upset me? Please, give me your best shot. Marshall: Okay, fine... what, you want me to yell at you? Barney: Yeah. Marshall: This is me yelling at you, Barney. Barney: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of a butterfly landing on a leaf about three blocks away. Marshall: This is me yelling at you, Barney! Barney: Okay, you got some volume, now give me some content. Make it hurt. Marshall: You don't look as good in suits as you think you do! Barney: No, something that's true-- come on. The man made you cry. Make me cry. Marshall: Your mom's a slut! Barney: Yes. Marshall: Your mom's a slut, and I'm sorry, Barney, but you and your brother clearly have different fathers, And you know why? It's probably because your mom is a slutty slut! Barney: Keep going. Marshall: I don't care what you say. Bob Barker is not your father! Barney: Okay, now, well, that's just not cool. Marshall: Oh my god, Barney, I'm so sorry... Barney: No, I'm kidding... keep going. Marshall: Bob Barker's not your father! You've concocted this delusional idea that a game show host is your real father, and he's not! You were abandoned, Barney! You were abandoned, and you never dealt with it, and so now you never allow yourself to feel anything, and that's how you survive in this corporate world, and if I keep heading down this path, I'm gonna turn into you! And I don't want that! I don't want any of this! This is not why I became a lawyer. This is not the person that I wanted to be... (Later, at Marshall's firm) Marshall:... I quit, Arthur! I quit! Arthur: Well, thank you, Eriksen, I needed to hear that. Marshall: Really, 'cause I didn't mean to attack you personally, It's just that i... Arthur: No, no, no, the part where you said, "I quit." Now we don't have to pay you a severance package. Uh, security's gonna rough you up a bit on the way out. [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Robin, you dropped a little ice cream... Marshall: Dude! Ted: I'm sorry. Barney: Don't blame this on me, Marshall. I told you to yell at someone beneath you. The circle of screaming is... The chain of scr... Pyramid... the pyramid of screaming! The pyramid of screaming. Marshall: How am I supposed to tell lily? She supported me through three years of law school, and now is the time when I'm supposed to pay her back. Now we're gonna lose the apartment. The place where we were gonna raise our children. How am I supposed to tell the person who I love more than anything in this world that I've just thrown away our future? (Lily knocks on the window, startling everybody in the car) Ted: Everybody out, everybody out of the new car! Out of the new car! Barney: Ted, screaming never solves anything. (Ted, Barney and Robin go out of the car, Lily climbs in) Ted from 2030: And so marshall finally had to tell lily what happened. Marshall: I'm so sorry. I just lost it. But I can fix it. First thing tomorrow, I'm gonna go in there on my hands and knees and beg for my job back. Lily: No, you're not. Marshall: What? Lily: Marshall, our future isn't money or an apartment. And it's definitely not you being miserable at that horrible job. I'm just happy to have my husband back. We'll figure the rest out. Marshall: I love you. Lily: I love you, too. At the Bar (Ted is writing a check for Marshall) Ted from 2030: Ultimately, they were able to make ends meet without going bust on the apartment. Marshall: You sure about this? Ted: Yeah, who needs a car in new york city, right? Marshall: Ted, I don't think I can accept... Ted: Marshall, don't make me scream at you. Marshall: Thanks a lot, buddy. Ted: You guys did it in the car, didn't... Marshall: Oh, yeah!	Plan: A: Marshall; Q: Who struggles with the fact that taking a job with a "big bad" corporate law firm may have been a mistake? A: his boss; Q: Who verbally emasculates Marshall? A: a major mistake; Q: What does Marshall think his job with the "big bad" law firm was? Summary: After Marshall is verbally emasculated by his boss, he struggles with the fact that taking a job with a "big bad" corporate law firm may have been a major mistake.
[Salvatore's House] (Bonnie is with Jeremy) Bonnie: It was supposed to be a nice family event. Just stopped in to see my dad. Then Silas showed up. He said he was testing how powerful his mind control had become Silas: Nobody make a sound or move a muscle Bonnie: The entire town did exactly what he said. He didn't want any witnesses, so he told them to forget what he did. They watched my dad die, and they couldn't do anything or tell anyone. What are you gonna do? You gonna hug me? Jeremy: I want to Bonnie: But you can't. You can't touch me, and I can't touch you because I'm dead just like my dad except he's not supernatural, so I don't get to see him on the other side. He's just dead. Silas is using his mind control to find Katherine. He told everyone in the town square to keep an eye out for anyone that looks like Elena. Whatever he wants with Katherine... We can't let him have it [Middle of the Road] (Katherine comes out of the woods and stops a car. A woman comes out) Woman: You ok, hun? You're gonna get yourself sick out here Katherine: Thank you so much for stopping Woman: You ok just like Elena Gilbert Katherine: Actually, I'm much prettier Woman: Katherine Pierce, right? I'm supposed to be keeping my eye out for you (She sprays something in Katherine's eyes. She screams and then assaults the woman and hits her) Katherine: Damn it! Unh! (Matt comes out of the woods, holding her at gunpoint) Matt: Hurts, doesn't it? Not as much as this will Hallucination [A quarry] (Stefan and Elena are together) Elena: We could be doing anything right now, Stefan, be anywhere. Why here, why this? Stefan: These are the good moments, the simple ones, the ones that matter. These are the moments that keep me from falling apart Elena: This can't last forever. You're just distracting yourself (Suddenly, she coughs water) Stefan: Elena, Elena, Elena. Elena! No [Whitmore College] (Elena comes back in their dorm) Elena: Megan's memorial outside is growing by the minute Caroline: Ugh. College kids are so dramatic. She was on campus for, like, one day. She couldn't have made that many friends Elena: Caroline, she's dead. You can stop competing with her Caroline: Sorry. I'm in a mood Elena: You talked to Tyler? Caroline: He's deferring from enrolling and deferring from returning my phone calls, so I'm deferring from having sx with him ever again Elena: How's the snooping going? Any explanation why our Vervain-laced... Vampire-slaughtered roommate had a picture of my dad on her phone? Caroline: No Elena: Oh! I went by the hospital this morning. Megan's death certificate. It says she died of suicide. No mention of the gaping vampire bites on her neck. So whoever signed off on the cause of death was part of the cover-up just like the Founders Council back home Caroline: Dr. Wesley Maxfield Elena: AKA our applied microbiology T.A. I switched our classes around so that we can... Caroline: applied what... what? Uh, Elena, we are supposed to be taking intro to communication. What happened to getting drunk and making bad decisions about boys? What happened to our fun freshman year at college? I am supposed to be a drama major! Elena: You're not going to be an anything major if we get exposed as vampires! We are still gonna have our fun year, Caroline, but we have to protect ourselves. The way Damon kept his secret in Mystic Falls was because he infiltrated the Founders Council. So bust out those alleged acting skills, and let's get on it, ok? [The Quarry] (Damon and Liz are here) Liz: Damon, I know I said I'd help you find your brother, but I can't dredge the entire quarry. It's enormous Damon: I'm aware of that. I mean, clearly that's why we wanted to dump Silas' body here because it's big and deep and no one would find him. Now say I'm Silas and I want to take over my doppelganger's life, why wouldn't I dump him in a place that's big and deep where no one would find him? Liz: Damon, I already agreed to hold off on telling anyone about the mayor's death until you figure this all out, but I can't devote those kinds of resources to finding one person who may or may not be down there Damon: But it's a place to start, and if Stefan's down there, it means he's been drowning over and over again all summer while I've been happily playing house with Elena. Do I need to further elaborate the source of my urgency? Liz: I'll get some deputies on it Damon: Thank you, Liz (His phone rings. He answers) Damon: Please tell me you found her Jeremy: I didn't, but Matt did Damon: Huh. How shockingly useful [The woods] (Katherine is in the car and Matt is with her) Katherine: Those blue eyes, they made me soft. I should have ripped your head off when I had the chance (Jeremy is still on the phone with Damon) Jeremy: She was mid cat fight with some lady who maced her. We think Silas might have mind-controlled himself some new friends Damon: How exactly did the Gilbert and Donovan brain trust put all that together? Never mind. Doesn't matter. Just hide her. If Silas wants her bad enough, to sic the whole town on her, that means we want her more. Stay out of sight. You're the last person Silas saw her with (They hang up. Jeremy rejoins Matt and Katherine. Matt is tying Katherine up with ropes) Katherine: Are these ropes really necessary? Jeremy: Bullet would have been more effective, but we're trying to be nice. You crashed my car and left me to die Katherine: You were gonna hand me over to Silas to get Stefan back. I was just protecting myself Matt: How many people you killed using that excuse? Just be glad we got you some clothes Katherine: Don't play the hero. You two are just waiting for the convenient time to hand me back over to him. I've done this a thousand times. I get it. I'm the leverage. I'm that thing that everybody wants. I'm the freaking Moonstone [Whitmore College] (Caroline and Elena arrive to class. They go take their seats and see Jesse) Jesse: Hey. Blow-off girl. Aren't you a freshman? How are you in this class? Caroline: What? Um, I love applied...Micro...Biology. It's like my favorite biology. You know, little things are just so cute! Jesse: Are you going to the bonfire tonight, or are you just gonna get really close and then turn around and leave again? Elena: She'll be there Jesse: Sweet. We'll hang (They go seat down) Elena: What? You said you wanted to make bad decisions about boys. He's cute, he's interested, and most importantly, unlike Tyler, he's here (The professor enters) 1.: Morning, everyone. I'm Dr. Maxfield. First name is Wes, but call me Dr. Maxfield. One day when you're out of med school, you'll understand. So you're all going to this bonfire tonight, right? Well, here's a quick history lesson for you. Whitmore was founded as a hospital during the Civil War, deadliest war in American history, over 600,000 casualties. Disease was so prevalent that once a week they had to gather all the dead, rotting bodies, put them in a pile, and light the whole thing on fire. So tonight when you're getting drunk and partying, stop for a second, close your eyes, and imagine the rancid smell of a hundred rotting corpses Caroline: (whispering): Creep-y 1.: Which brings us to microbiology... Elena (whispering): But hott-ie 1.: Because that rancid smell comes from a very specific bacteria Elena: He is 1.: Isn't that right, chatty girls in the back?And what is that bacteria? Elena: Uh, that's the, uh... um, I don't know 1.: Maybe because you're freshmen who shouldn't be in this class. How do I know? I'm observant, a skill you'll learn in Bio 101 down the hall (Elena is outside. On the phone with Damon) Elena: It was mortifying. We just sat there in silence Damon: You want me to beat him up? Elena: Not yet. Whatever he knows, I'm gonna get it out of him Damon: Did you compel him? Elena: No, because chances are if he knows about vampires, then he also knows about Vervain Damon: How about violence? Did you threaten him? Elena: No. I didn't threaten him Damon: At least tell you used torture Elena: Damon! Damon: You do realize that you are dating a reformed serial killer, right? Elena: What would a hero do? Damon: Pfft. That I have no idea (She sees Silas but obviously, she thinks its Stefan) Elena: Stefan? Damon: I don't know. Probably mope at him Elena: Stefan's here right now Damon: What? Silas: Turn off your phone Damon: Elena? Whoa, whoa. That is not s... (She hangs up) Silas: I know you're upset that I didn't call, so I just wanted to apologize in person Elena: Never do that again, ok? I thought something terrible happened to you Silas: Well, something terrible did happen to me. You fell in love with my brother Elena: Ouch Silas: Can't blame me for needing a little bit of space Elena: I know. Where did you go? Silas: It's not important. I'm sure Damon will fill you in eventually Elena: You talked to Damon? Because I just spoke to him, and he didn't really say anything Silas: Oh. Weird. Maybe he has his hands full with the whole, you know, Jeremy situation Elena: What Jeremy situation? Silas: Oh, it's not a big deal. Jeremy got expelled Elena: Expelled?! Silas: Yeah, and then he and Damon got in this fight, and then Jeremy bolted Elena: Wait. How do I not know about this? Where the hell is Jeremy? Silas: That's why I'm here. I was hoping maybe you'd know [A gas station] (Matt stops to put gas in the car) Katherine: Oh, thank God we're stopping. If I can only get out of the car Matt: Well, you can't because as soon as we get gas, we're getting back on the road (He gets out of the car) Katherine: But I'm dying back here Jeremy: You're not getting out of the car because you want an aspirin Katherine: Then maybe I can get out of the car because I need to pee, like, in a bathroom like a lady (He opens the door for her) Jeremy: Hurry Katherine: My throat is really scratchy, and my head hurts, like, right here. When I cough, it's green. So get me stuff for all that Jeremy: Silas knows I'm with you. Sorry. I can't risk being seen Katherine: Please Jeremy: Fine (She goes to the restrooms. When she goes out, she sees that Jeremy is not looking) (Matt is inside and goes to pay for aspirin) Matt: Just this (The employee then sees Katherine) Employee: Is that Elena Gilbert or Katherine Pierce? (Matt sees that Katherine is leaving) Matt: Jeremy, Katherine! (Jeremy runs after her) Jeremy: Stop running [Whitmore College] (Damon enters the girls' dorm room. Caroline is in a towel) Caroline: Damon! Towel! Knock! Damon: Caroline, no one cares. No. Hey. Where's Elena? Caroline: I don't know. She probably went to the bonfire to get more Intel on our weirdo professor Damon: Silas is here. He's with Elena, pretending to be Stefan. Get dressed Caroline: I thought that Stefan dropped his body in the quarry Damon: Join the club. Get dressed Caroline: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Elena was right. All summer, she's had this pit in her stomach about Stefan Damon: What? Caroline: I don't know. She just said that she had this weird feeling that something was wrong with him Damon: Put some clothes on. Meet me out there. We have to find her (Elena is still with Silas) Silas: Jeremy's still not answering. I'm gonna hold on to your phone in case he calls back Elena: Why are you so worried about him? Silas: Damon made a mess, and I want to clean it up Elena: Did he really think that I wasn't gonna find out? Silas: It's Damon. Are you surprised? Elena: I just figured we were at a place where he wouldn't have to lie to me. Sorry. I, uh... I probably shouldn't be talking about this with you Silas: It's ok. I know exactly what you're thinking. Sorry. I don't mean to cut this short, but someone said they just saw Jeremy on Route 9. Do you know where he might be going? Elena: Route 9? I mean, there was this old camp site that we used to go to when we were kids. Wait. Who texted you? (Damon is looking for Elena) Silas: Hello, brother. But I suppose distant nephew is probably more accurate Damon: Where the hell's Elena? Silas: Ohh. There's no need for violence, Damon. You'll find her eventually. There you go. Look. I get why you like her. I mean, I have a soft spot for brunettes, too.What I don't get is why she likes you Damon: It's because you haven't had sx with me Silas: Cockiness masking fear. How transparent Damon: You expect me to believe you came all this way just to talk to her? Silas: No. That doesn't really make much sense, does it, but if I told you exactly what I did, then it would ruin the fun. Enjoy the bonfire, Damon (Damon and Caroline are at the bonfire) Caroline: Why would Silas want to hurt her? Damon: Because he wants to hurt me Caroline: You know, if you just would have told the truth, all of this could have been avoided Damon: Gee. Thanks, Caroline. Your hindsight is invaluable in this situation Student: Watch where you're going, douche Damon: Have you see Elena Gilbert? Student: I have no idea who that is, and if I were her, I'd probably run from you, too Damon: Wrong answer (She compels him) Caroline: Forget all this and get out of here (The student leaves) Caroline: You have to calm down Damon: He turned the entire town square into a hunting party for Katherine. How am I supposed to calm down when every single person here could be working for Silas? (Elena is alone trying to pour herself a beer. Jessie rejoins her) Jessie: I got that (She drinks) Jesse: Whoa. I... Elena: Boyfriend drama Jessie: Wow. Boyfriend drama, kicked out of class... Today's not your day Elena: What is his deal anyway? Jessie: Dr. Dickfield? Elena: Yeah, him Jessie: Tell you what. Help me grab some more firewood, and I will tell you everything you need to know Elena: Ok (They go grab firewood) Jessie: I had Dr. Maxfield for a few classes last year. He's a jerk, but he's brilliant, so I'll give him a pass Elena: Brilliant and creepy Jessie: There's a rumor that he's a part of this secret society on campus Elena: What like middle-aged men at an Elk lodge? Jessie: I have no idea. All I know is that a few times a week they supposedly meet at Whitmore house, but you didn't hear that from me (Damon hits him) Elena: Damon? What the hell? Caroline: Seriously? That's Jesse! I kind of liked him [SCENE_BREAK] [The Woods] (Katherine, Matt and Jeremy are a camp site. She looks at the rifle) Jeremy: Don't even think about it Katherine: Please. I wouldn't even know how to use it. I've never shot a gun in my life. Didn't need to. I was much more deadly Matt: Key word... "was". I'm gonna go get some wood for the fire. I'll be back (He leaves) Katherine: I survived childbirth, the death of my entire family, and 500 years of running from an immortal hybrid. You can understand why I'm a little upset that I am on the verge of being defeated by a sinus infection (Matt is alone. Silas is here) Silas: Not a word out of you .You can't talk, you can't scream Matt: Yeah. Actually, I can. Jeremy, run! Silas: Why can't I get inside your head? Now I see why. Somebody's already in there. Why are you watching me, Traveler? Odpovezete mi! (He kills him) [The Other Side] (Matt wakes up) Matt: Jeremy? Jeremy, hey. There you are, man. What... what the hell? Bonnie: Freaky, isn't it, that feeling, the void, the emptiness? Matt: Bonnie, what's going on? Where the hell am I? Bonnie: The other side. Gilbert ring brought you here when you died. That's how it works. Temporarily brings your spirit here. To go back, you have to reconnect to your body Matt: My body's not even here Bonnie: It's because each time you die you wake up farther and farther away from it, and you wander the other side until you find it Matt: Wait. If I'm on the other side, how can you see me? Bonnie: There's something you should know [Whitmore College] (Damon and Elena enter her dorm room) Damon: All right. Before you get mad... Elena: Mad can wait. Sit Damon: Elena...Wait. Wait. As much as I'd like to do this right now... Silas got into your head, didn't he? What did Stefan tell you to do? Elena: Get you alone, weaken you... And then kill you. Damon, I'm so sorry. I... What the hell is happening? Damon: You're in some sort of Silas trance, but I think you snapped out of it Elena: Silas? But I... Damon: Before you ask, no. He's not in the quarry. It's a common misconception. You talked to him today Elena: How is that possible? I... I was in a crowd full of people. I hugged him. I was talking to him about my life and about.... Damon: Me? I bet he had some choice things to say Elena: Wait. If that was Silas, then where's Stefan? What happened to Stefan, Damon?Where is he? Damon: Can we talk about this when you don't have that murdery look in your eyes? Elena: You're right. Every time I look at you, all I want to do is kill you Damon: It must be Silas' mind control. He's using your anger at me like a trigger. You have to resist it Elena: I can't! Damon: Elena, you have to resist it Elena: I'm trying! Tell me what's going on (Caroline is with Jesse) Caroline: Sorry. This was all I could find out there. Sorry my friend went agro. He's got anger issues Jessie: And a serious right hook but, hey, it got us alone together, so that's a win Caroline: I have a boyfriend Jessie: And where is he other than not here? Caroline: Well, he's supposed to be here. He deferred a semester. You don't have to say anything. I know how these things go. People go to school, and they drift apart Jessie: Yeah, and sometimes, they don't Caroline: Exactly. Sometimes, they don't Jessie: And sometimes, you change, but what you had still means something Caroline: Yes, yes! Jessie: And sometimes when you're thinking all those things, your girlfriend is moving on and sleeping with somebody back home and has no intention of getting back with you Caroline: Oh, my God. Ugh. I'm so sorry Jessie: It was a while ago, and honestly until the worst actually happened, I wouldn't listen to anybody tell me otherwise. I could always find an excuse, so I get it [The Woods] (Jeremy and Katherine arrive at the car) Jeremy: Get in the truck and drive Katherine: Where are you going? Jeremy: I can't leave Matt Katherine: Uh, wai... huh. How do you think I survived 500 years? It wasn't because I was a vampire. It's because I never looked back. Don't be dumb. Survive Jeremy: That's why people treat you like an object and not like a person [The Other Side] Bonnie: It actually hasn't been so bad. I have Jeremy, and I see grams sometimes. Last night with my dad was the first really hard time. I'll be ok. I just have to get past these next few days Matt: Bonnie, you don't have to pretend like it's ok. Your dad died, and... You died. It's not ok Bonnie: It has to be because there's nothing I can do about it Matt: I am so sorry [The Woods] (Jeremy is looking for Matt and finds him) Jeremy: Matt! Silas: I'd at least pretend to cry, which leads me to believe that he's not really dead. I take it that tacky ring somehow protects him Jeremy: Too bad you can't get inside my head to find out for sure. Hunter's perk Silas: Heh. See, that's what you don't get. When I can read your mind, I at least have use for you. Now I'm just gonna kill you Jeremy: You can try, but none of your abilities work on me, so right now, you're nothing... slower than a vampire, weaker than a vampire. I on the other hand am a hunter. Plus I work out (They fight) Silas: You might be stronger than me, that I am immortal (Katherine intervenes by shooting Silas) Jeremy: I thought you said you didn't know how to use that Katherine: I figured it out [Whitmore College] (Elena and Damon are still tied to their chairs) Elena: Poor Bonnie. She must have tried to call me right after Silas stole my phone. Has anyone talked to her? Is she ok? Damon: I don't know. I've had more important things to worry about Elena: My best friend's dad died. That's pretty damn important Damon: Yeah? Well, so is protecting your brother, finding mine, and figuring out what the hell Silas wants Elena: I just left. What the hell is wrong with you? Damon: You're getting angry at me again, Elena. Remember, trigger Elena: My brother got expelled! You've got him playing white knight to Katherine, who's tried to kill me... Repeatedly. Stefan's been...he's been suffering for months while I've been rolling around with you, a self-proclaimed serial killer. Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Damon: Elena, that is the gas. Stop. You don't really want to kill me, Elena. You have to realize this before you're gonna break Silas' compulsion Elena: I can't, ok? All I can think about is killing you! Damon: Well, you're gonna have to think about something stronger than your desire to kill me, or you're gonna kill us both. Stefan, Stefan. Think about Stefan. Caroline told me you'd been worried about him, that you had a pit in your stomach. Describe it, tell me about it Elena: What? No. I can't Damon: Think about him. Think about the feelings you're getting. Describe it to me Elena: It's a... It's a chill. I can't explain it, but it's like I can feel him. He's trying to reach out to me, but I don't know where he is, and I can't understand what he's trying to say. All I know is that he's scared, and he's lonely, and he's in a lot of pain. He's in a lot of pain. We have to find him Damon: We will. I swear Elena: The rage, it's gone (Caroline enters) Caroline: I think we need to set some ground rules for when boyfriends come to visit [The Other Side] Matt: I think somebody moved my body. It's weird, but I can feel it. It's like I'm drawn to it Bonnie: There it is Matt: So if this happens every time I die with the Gilbert ring, the second I go back, that means I'm just gonna forget about all of this. I'll forget that you're dead. Bonnie, you and Jeremy can't keep this a secret anymore. I'm sorry your dad died. I know it's hard, but how are you gonna deal with his death if you can't even deal with your own? Bonnie: It's really good to see you, Matt [The woods] (Matt comes back to life) Katherine: Welcome back to the land of the living Matt: What the hell happened? Jeremy: Yeah. Silas killed you, tried to kill me, then... Katherine: I shot him. So we're even. No more whining. Let's go. Silas won't be down for long Jeremy: Hey. I left the hatchet. I'll be right back (He goes to see Bonnie) Jeremy: Hey. You ok? Bonnie: I'm not ready to be dead yet, Jeremy. I'm just not. Maybe I will be one day, but it's not today, and I don't know what to do about my dad or what to do when the sheriff calls because she's gonna call me... Jeremy: it's ok. We'll get through this. I can tell everybody that you're with family, that it was too hard for you to be here. I might not be able to touch you or hold you, but I'm here for you no matter what you need [A Gas Station] (Silas enters. He's hurt) Man: Did you find that girl that you were looking for? Silas: Yes, I did, and then she shot me, so I'm a little bit angry, and I'm a little bit hungry, but luckily, you can help me out with one of those things. Fill her up (Nadia and the man who possessed Matt enter) Silas: Oh, goody. Gypsies are here. Oh, I'm sorry. You call yourselves travelers now, right? Traveler: It's much more P.C. You can call me whatever you want when I'm gutting you Silas: I see. You're mad that I killed your blond-haired, blue-eyed host, right? That's what you get for taking over somebody's body to spy on me, but congrats. You found me, so now what?What do you want? Traveler: You back in that tomb, sealed away for eternity Nadia: That's what the travelers have always wanted. Luckily for you, I've never really considered myself one. I know you can see inside my mind, and I have my own agenda Silas: Yes. I see that you do [Whitmore College] (Elena says goodbye to Caroline) Elena: I'll be back, roomie. I don't know when, but I will be back Caroline: Just call me the minute you hear from Bonnie, ok? I've left her, like, a hundred messages. Elena: I will. I promise Caroline: You're gonna find him, Elena Elena: Yeah, I know Caroline Bye Elena: Bye (She leaves. Dr. Maxfield rejoins her) 1.: I didn't think Elena Gilbert would give up so easily. Sorry about being a hard ass earlier. It's kind of my thing. You're Grayson Gilbert's daughter, aren't you? Elena: You knew my dad? 1.: Knew of him. He's a legend around here. Brilliant. I've studied all his research. I can only hope to do the kind of work he did Elena: So does that mean that he forged death certificates, too? 1.: And here I thought you were just passionate about microbiology. I have office hours tomorrow. Come by. We can chat Elena: Um, yeah, I would, but I've got other important things on my plate right now 1.: Let me know when that plate clears (He leaves) Damon: Well, I guess that's how a hero would do it. Honesty. Who'd have thunk it? Aren't you the least bit curious about the whole "Nancy Drew and the creepster Professor" thing? Elena: Caroline will take over. I can't stay here knowing that Stefan's out there somewhere Damon: Yeah. Well... (He shows her Stefan's ring) Elena: That's Stefan's daylight ring Damon: Snagged it from Silas yesterday, and for the record, I am secure enough in our relationship that you having psychic dreams about your ex-boyfriend does not bother me... But it still sucks Elena: I love you. We're gonna save Stefan, and I'm still gonna love you, ok? (His phone rings) Damon: Yeah? Liz: We found something [The Quarry] (Elena and Damon have rejoined Liz. They have found the safe) Liz: We didn't find anything in the quarry, but a deputy found this a few miles away. We didn't open it. Looks like it's been in there for 3 months. Chances are he's hungry Elena: Oh, my God. That's not Stefan Damon: You're right. He was hungry. Bet he still is	Plan: A: Damon; Q: Who does Stefan have hallucinations of? A: his humanity; Q: What does Damon tell Stefan to turn off in order to get out of the water? A: Whittemore; Q: Where do Elena and Caroline try to figure out how Megan knew Elena's father? A: Elena; Q: Who tries to kill Damon? A: the school; Q: Who covered up Megan's murder? A: The autopsy report; Q: What reveals that a mysterious professor covered up the true cause of death? A: Katherine with Silas; Q: Who is on the trail of Jeremy and Matt? A: Katherine; Q: Who does Jeremy and Matt go on the run with? A: their bad relationships; Q: What is the reason Caroline bonds with Jesse? A: the negative feeling; Q: What does Elena focus on to return to normal? A: Silas' wishes; Q: What does Elena not carry out? A: the truth; Q: What does Elena find out about Stefan? A: college; Q: What did Elena drop out of to go look for Stefan? A: a dead body; Q: What do Elena, Damon and Sheriff Forbes find in Stefan's safe? Summary: Underwater, Stefan has hallucinations of Damon telling him to turn off his humanity in order to get out. At Whittemore, Elena and Caroline try to figure out how Megan knew Elena's father and why her murder was covered up by the school. The autopsy report reveals that a mysterious professor covered up the true cause of death. Jeremy and Matt go on the run with Katherine with Silas on their tail. Caroline bonds with Jesse over their bad relationships. Elena, under the control of Silas, ties Damon up and attempts to kill him, but by focusing on the negative feeling she's had about Stefan all summer she returns to normal before she can carry out Silas' wishes. She finds out the truth about Stefan and temporarily drops out of college to go look for him. Elena tells Damon that even though Stefan will be there she will still love him. Elena, Damon and Sheriff Forbes find Stefan's safe, but instead of Stefan, they find a dead body, meaning Stefan was very hungry and could have turned off his humanity.
THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMEN by MERVYN HAISMAN and HENRY LINCOLN first broadcast - 21st October 1967 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. HALL (THOMNI, searching frantically for VICTORIA who's given him the slip, suddenly hears screaming coming from the Great Hall. When he gets there he finds that the "dead" Yeti is now very much alive and free from its various chains and ghost traps.) VICTORIA: Oh no! Thomni! Help, Thomni! THOMNI: Run, Miss Victoria, run! Fetch Khrisong. (VICTORIA runs off to get help while THOMNI tries to hold the creature off...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. CORRIDOR (VICTORIA runs straight into SAPAN.) VICTORIA: The Yeti! The Yeti! Fetch help! Where's Khrisong? SAPAN: But where is Thomni? What has happened? VICTORIA: He's in there. He's coming, now hurry! (They both run off towards the courtyard.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. HALL (THOMNI tries to stop the Yeti, but to no avail, the Yeti seeming hardly interested in THOMNI's futile attacks. It lumbers off towards the courtyard...) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. COURTYARD (...where Khrisong and a couple of warrior monks are... but by sheer chance VICTORIA and SAPAN get there first.) SAPAN: Khrisong, the Yeti, it is alive! KHRISONG: What! VICTORIA: It's true Khrisong! Quick, it's coming, do something! (A fight starts.) KHRISONG: Get back! Get back! Ralpachan, help him! Get him! Get up! We can't stop it! Get a net! We must destroy it! (The monks, however, have little chance against the Yeti and seeing this, through all of the shouting, VICTORIA urges THOMNI to open the gates to let it out. KHRISONG orders Thomni not to do so but THOMNI disobeys and the monster is allowed to escape.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. MOUNTAINSIDE (Halfway up the mountain JAMIE and the DOCTOR, on their way back to the TARDIS, stop for a breather.) JAMIE: What's the matter, Doctor? DOCTOR: Oh, I'm just taking a breather, that's all. JAMIE: You've heard something? DOCTOR: No, no, nothing. JAMIE: Well come on then! DOCTOR: Listen. JAMIE: Nothing. DOCTOR: Yes, that's what's worrying me. It's too quite. We've not seen a sign of the Yeti since we left those three back there. JAMIE: Aye, well lets just be grateful and get to the TARDIS. DOCTOR: I don't like it. There's something happening on this mountain. I can feel it. JAMIE: Hey, you're giving me the willies. Come on. (And they both walk on...) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. OUTSIDE CAVE (Further up, by the cave which JAMIE and VICTORIA had visited earlier, TRAVERS crouches in hiding, waiting for what he hopes will be a real Yeti returning to its lair. Two Yeti do arrive: the ones that attacked KHRISONG by the gate. One of them holds the recovered sphere in its giant paw. They enter the cave to deposit the sphere, then stride off back down the mountain, watched by TRAVERS the whole time...) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. TARDIS, MOUNTAINSIDE (Finally, JAMIE and the DOCTOR reach the site where the TARDIS landed...) JAMIE: Look, Doctor! (...only to find that a Yeti is standing guard outside it.) DOCTOR: Thought we'd been too lucky. JAMIE: What now? DOCTOR: I don't know. We've got to get to the TARDIS somehow. JAMIE: Aye, well you can't frighten one of those things away. DOCTOR: No. JAMIE: I wonder what he's waiting for? DOCTOR: Um. JAMIE: Well he couldn't have known we were coming. DOCTOR: It's a robot, Jamie. It merely follows instructions. JAMIE: Who's giving them? DOCTOR: That we shall have to find out, won't we? (He starts to move forward but JAMIE pulls him down.) JAMIE: Get down, Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] 8. INNER SANCTUM (PADMASAMBHAVA is in a trance...) PADMASAMBHAVA: Oh, Great Intelligence, have I served you well? After so many years, can I feel the grip of your power loosen? How long before your great experiment begins and I can rest? (He is told.) PADMASAMBHAVA: So soon? I am not sorry. What of the others? (Again he is told.) PADMASAMBHAVA: It will be done. Songsten is making final preparations. [SCENE_BREAK] 9. OUTSIDE CAVE (SONGSTEN, with his escort of three Yeti, reaches the cave where TRAVERS is still observing secretly from behind a rock. TRAVERS is amazed to see the Abbot, trance like, carrying a glowing pyramid, enter the cave with Yeti in attendance. Soon after, they all emerge and start off back down the mountain towards the monastery.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. TARDIS, MOUNTAINSIDE (The DOCTOR, thinking of an idea of getting inside the TARDIS, comes up with a plan.) DOCTOR: Yes. JAMIE: Have you thought up some clever plan, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, Jamie, I believe I have. JAMIE: What are you going to do? DOCTOR: Bung a rock at it. JAMIE: Oh be serious, Doctor! DOCTOR: Jamie, I am. JAMIE: Hey no, Doctor! (The DOCTOR bungs a rock at it, and the Yeti does not react.) DOCTOR: There you are, you see? Just as I thought. It can't see and it can't feel. Come on. (The two move up to the TARDIS door, JAMIE keeping a eye on the Yeti for any signs of life.) JAMIE: Don't be daft, Doctor. DOCTOR: Well it's quite all right, Jamie. It's like those three back there, it's either switched off or not receiving. Come along. JAMIE: Are you sure it's quite safe? DOCTOR: Well quite frankly no, Jamie. But there's only one way of finding out. (The DOCTOR starts to look inside the creature's centre for its flap.) JAMIE: Don't, Doctor, you might switch it on. DOCTOR: No I don't think so, Jamie. There, just as I thought. Now then. (He gets the flap open.) DOCTOR: Now, Jamie, will you hold this flap open for me please. Thank you. (He starts to take the control unit from its chest with a screwdriver.) JAMIE: Hey you're taking an awful risk, Doctor. (The DOCTOR brings out the Yeti's sphere.) DOCTOR: Well I'm glad that's over. Catch! (He throws it at JAMIE who catches it.) JAMIE: Hey I just thought of something, Doctor. The man that made these robots is very clever, right? DOCTOR: Yes. JAMIE: And yet we were able to walk right up to it and put it out of action just like that! DOCTOR: You mean why didn't they build in some sort of protective device? JAMIE: Aye. DOCTOR: Well perhaps they didn't think it was necessary. I mean look at him. Would you walk up to a creature like that with just a screwdriver in your hand? JAMIE: No I would not. DOCTOR: No there you are. I'm really rather pleased with myself. (And the DOCTOR enters the police box, while JAMIE looks on guard.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. CAVE (Finally plucking up courage, TRAVERS enters the cave... Inside, SONGSTEN has rearranged the spheres into an intricate pattern with the pyramid at its centre. The whole construction gives out a sickly glow and an eerie, alien, hum. As TRAVERS watches in dreadful fascination, the pyramid cracks open and a viscous sludge bubbles out and starts to spread around the cave floor. It seethes, it oozes, it reaches out towards the explorer and it looks very much alive. Half crazed by fear, TRAVERS screams...) TRAVERS: Aaahh! (...and runs out into the wilderness.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. TARDIS, MOUNTAINSIDE JAMIE: Have you not found it yet? DOCTOR: Yes, Jamie. Sorry, I'm just coming. (The DOCTOR finally emerges with a signal tracing device which he intends to use on the Yeti's control units. As if on cue, the sphere in JAMIE's hand begins to give off a loud beep and, alarmingly, to force itself towards the Yeti it was taken from.) JAMIE: Hey Doctor! Look! DOCTOR: Ah, splendid! Splendid, it's sending out signal. That's just what we wanted. JAMIE: Hey Doctor, you'll have to help me, I'll let go! DOCTOR: Oh no, you mustn't do that. Jamie, no! JAMIE: It's no use, I'll have to let go. DOCTOR: Whatever happens, you mustn't let go Jamie! JAMIE: It's no use, Doctor! DOCTOR: No! (Panic ensues as the DOCTOR intercepts the sphere with his body; it wrenches itself away from JAMIE's grasp and thuds into the DOCTOR's chest, leaving the DOCTOR a bit out of breath.) DOCTOR: Jamie get a rock! JAMIE: What? DOCTOR: A rock! Put it in the hole in its chest! (...when this has been done the sphere goes dormant once again and it stops trying to push down on the DOCTOR's chest.) JAMIE: You all right, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, I'm all right. Just a bit puffed, that's all. Jamie, these things are programmed to return to their Yetis! That one that disappeared in the monastery! That wasn't taken! JAMIE: It moved itself! It could have got to the Yeti! The one we captured. Come on! (The DOCTOR locks the TARDIS doors and they both run off back down the path.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. HALL (Having recovered from the Yeti's attack, KHRISONG whirls round in anger to THOMNI.) KHRISONG: You deliberately disobeyed my orders! THOMNI: It was the only sensible thing to do... KHRISONG: Be silent! If you had not opened the gate the creature would not have escaped. VICTORIA: Khrisong, you know we couldn't stop it. You'd have been killed! Anyway it was my idea to open the gates. (RINCHEN decides to question the girl.) RINCHEN: Was it? Was it also your idea to breath life into the Yeti? VICTORIA: What do you mean? RINCHEN: Were you not with the creature when it came to life? VICTORIA: Yes, but... SAPAN: You think that she was... RINCHEN: Who else could have done this? THOMNI: Oh, this is foolish! KHRISONG: Continue, Rinchen. RINCHEN: The creature was here, dead. What reason had you to enter this room? VICTORIA: I was hiding. RINCHEN: Hiding? Why? For what purpose? (VICTORIA looks a little subdued.) KHRISONG: Speak! (THOMNI tries to come to her rescue.) THOMNI: She means no harm... KHRISONG: Be silent! RINCHEN: Your young warrior seems too anxious to protect this stranger. What are they plotting, these two? THOMNI: No! You do not understand! RINCHEN: Where is your authority, Khrisong, that your warriors forget their allegiance? (This makes KHRISONG furious and he turns to four warrior monks.) KHRISONG: Lock them up! (And THOMNI and VICTORIA are dragged away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. MOUNTAINSIDE (Halfway back to Detsen, the sphere in JAMIE's hand begins to beep again.) JAMIE: Hey Doctor! DOCTOR: What is it? JAMIE: It's started again! The signal's started. (The DOCTOR checks his device...) DOCTOR: No! No that's another sort of signal. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. FURTHER DOWN, MOUNTAINSIDE (Further down the mountain, the three Yeti with SONGSTEN pause, as if listening, then turn around and start moving back up, leaving the Abbot to continue his return journey alone.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. MOUNTAINSIDE (The DOCTOR is getting excited.) DOCTOR: Jamie, I've just picked up another signal! JAMIE: Oh, Doctor, let's get to the monastery. You said you do all your tracking from there. DOCTOR: Jamie, you don't seem to understand. JAMIE: Oh don't I though! While you're fiddling with that thing, this sphere is calling up all the Yeti in creation. DOCTOR: What a perfect opportunity to trace the main transmitter. JAMIE: A perfect opportunity to get ourselves killed. (As if to confirm his fears, the three Yeti arrive from below, blocking their progress further, two others arrive behind them, blocking their retreat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. CELL (VICTORIA, meanwhile, is locked in the DOCTOR's old cell with THOMNI.) VICTORIA: I wish the Doctor would come back. (THOMNI wonders about this and decides to ask VICTORIA about the DOCTOR.) THOMNI: This... a... Doctor, is he your guardian? VICTORIA: I suppose he is in a way. THOMNI: He is a good man? VICTORIA: I think so. THOMNI: Tell me, Miss Victoria, how did he come by our holy bell? VICTORIA: I don't really know. Why? THOMNI: It disappeared three hundred years ago. VICTORIA: Oh stolen, you mean? THOMNI: No it was given to a stranger, for safe keeping during a time of trouble. It was never returned. VICTORIA: A stranger? Of course, the Doctor. They're one and the same man. THOMNI: But three hundred years? VICTORIA: Oh dear. Well I know this sounds silly, but the Doctor can travel through time and space. He has a machine you see and... and well... I don't really understand it myself. It's rather difficult to explain. (However, the young monk takes all of this in his stride.) THOMNI: There is no need, I understand perfectly. VICTORIA: You do? THOMNI: Yes. You see, it is said that our Master, Padmasambhava, can free himself from his earthly body and travel great distances. VICTORIA: Oh! THOMNI: This can only be obtained after many years of strict discipline and self training. VICTORIA: You mean... You mean that you might be able to do that sort of thing? THOMNI: Perhaps, one day. [SCENE_BREAK] 18. COURTYARD (Back in the courtyard, KHRISONG meets up with SAPAN and RINCHEN.) KHRISONG: Rinchen, where is Songsten? RINCHEN: No one has seen him for many hours. He will be with Padmasambhava. KHRISONG: Padmasambhava. SAPAN: To seek guidance. KHRISONG: (Snaps.) Or is it to escape his responsibilities? SAPAN: Khrisong, you should not say such things. KHRISONG: Why not? Has anyone seen Padmasambhava? (Turns to the guard.) Ralpachan! Inform me when the Doctor returns! (He storms off...) SAPAN: Khrisong would be wise not to voice such thoughts. RINCHEN: Perhaps, but brave men are impatient. And he is no fool. (They both move off and there is a knock at the Gate. Ralpachan opens the gate to admit SONGSTEN who again puts the guard into a trance.) SONGSTEN: Sleep, Ralpachan. You have not seen me. You have not opened the gate. No one has entered. When I leave the courtyard you will not know that you have slept. (He closes the gate, moves off and the guard then wakes up and is alert again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19. INNER SANCTUM (SONGSTEN, a little later, reports to his masters - the Great Intelligence and PADMASAMBHAVA.) PADMASAMBHAVA: You have done well, Songsten. Already the Great Intelligence begins to take on material form. But it demands more. It must expand. (The hiss voice comes...) VOICE: (OOV.) THAT IS WHY YOU AND OUR BROTHERS MUST DEPART FROM THIS PLACE. SONGSTEN: Leave the monastery, Master. I understand. And the strangers? PADMASAMBHAVA: The strangers, oh yes. I will tell you how to deal with them... if they return. [SCENE_BREAK] 20. MOUNTAINSIDE (JAMIE and the DOCTOR are near to the Monastery, but the Yeti are guarding the way...) JAMIE: (Meaning the sphere.) I wish this thing would keep quiet. DOCTOR: Not much further. Well, we were expecting it. JAMIE: Now what do we do? Trapped! DOCTOR: Jamie, it thinks we are. Give me the box. JAMIE: What now? DOCTOR: Follow me slowly. Jamie, when I say run, run. Run like the wind. Don't worry about me. JAMIE: Doctor... DOCTOR: Now, Jamie, please. No heroics, Jamie. JAMIE: But surely, Doctor... DOCTOR: Now Jamie! Run! Run! I know what I'm doing - I hope! (He allows the three from below to get close and then rolls the sphere back up the path towards the other two. The three Yeti ignore the travellers and follow the signal from the sphere instead.) DOCTOR: It worked! [SCENE_BREAK] 21. CELL (VICTORIA has been trying to plan her escape.) THOMNI: It's no use, Miss Victoria. Even if Padmasambhava would consent to see us, we can't get out. VICTORIA: Can't? We haven't even tried. (RAPALCHAN arrives with some food for them.) THOMNI: Thank you, Ralpachan. RALPACHAN: I am sorry about this, Thomni. VICTORIA: Oh, good. I am thirsty. (She drinks some water.) VICTORIA: Urgh! A funny taste. Oh, Ralpachan, has the Doctor... oah! THOMNI: Miss Victoria, what is it? VICTORIA: No, no, no don't touch it. The drink. No... oah! (She collapses on the bed in pain.) RALPACHAN: I will fetch some water. Stay close to her, Thomni. THOMNI: Miss Victoria. (RAPALCHAN runs off to get help. Then, when THOMNI's back is turned, she slips out of the cell and locks it, with THOMNI still in it, behind her.) THOMNI: Miss Victoria! VICTORIA: I'm sorry, Thomni. THOMNI: Miss Victoria! [SCENE_BREAK] 22. HALL (The Monks are hearing the latest news...) SONGSTEN: And in his wisdom our Master, Padmasambhava, has given me his guidance. We must all leave the monastery. It is impossible for us to defeat the Yeti. (KHRISONG is not happy with this.) KHRISONG: But there may be a way. The Doctor... SONGSTEN: No my son, they are invincible. They will destroy us all. Therefore in order to avoid further bloodshed it has been decided... (A Monk arrives and whispers into KHRISONG ear.) KHRISONG: Songsten, I have just been informed that the Doctor has returned. He brings with him equipment which will help us to defeat these monsters! SONGSTEN: Khrisong, the Master... KHRISONG: The Master? My apologies, Abbot. I have felt the strength of these Yeti, but still I will not meekly turn away. I mean to fight! (KHRISONG exits.) SONGSTEN: Brothers, Khrisong thinks only of our safety, we know, but in this matter he has been led astray. He has forgotten his vow of obedience. In due time he will realise his... (RAPALCHAN comes rushing into the room.) RAPALCHAN: Master Abbot, the girl has escaped. She tricked us by feigning sickness. RINCHEN: She is a devil women! SAPAN: She must be found. SONGSTEN: Find her, my brothers! (The Monks start to move out in search of VICTORIA.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23. COURTYARD (The DOCTOR and JAMIE have been brought up to date with the latest news... the DOCTOR and JAMIE are caught in the general confusion, some monks supporting KHRISONG, some SONGSTEN.) KHRISONG: We had no defence against it, yet it just walked through the gates. Doctor, we must act quickly or the Abbot will prevent us. JAMIE: Yes, but is Victoria all right? KHRISONG: I did as you asked, she is locked up. Is this your equipment? DOCTOR: Yes. (There is a knock on the Gate and KHRISONG raises his stick as he motions the DOCTOR and JAMIE aside.) KHRISONG: Stand aside! (It's a dishevelled TRAVERS.) JAMIE: Travers! TRAVERS: Thank heavens! Doctor... up there... the pyramid. JAMIE: Well what's he saying? DOCTOR: Shh! Go on. TRAVERS: The pyramid... it's a... (However... RINCHEN spots the new arrivals and comes rushing over.) RINCHEN: Seize them! Seize the strangers! Khrisong, the girl has escaped. She is a devil woman! JAMIE: Victoria! Hey what's happened? RINCHEN: Take these people to... KHRISONG: No! These people can help us. Besides this man is ill. I cannot allow it! (SONGSTEN comes over.) SONGSTEN: Khrisong, you will obey. Take them. JAMIE: No, but... DOCTOR: Where is Victoria? JAMIE: ...Doctor, what did he mean 'a devil woman'? DOCTOR: What is this about Victoria? Where are you taking us? (But the DOCTOR, JAMIE and TRAVERS are dragged away.) KHRISONG: I cannot allow this! SONGSTEN: You cannot allow? These are the orders of our Master, you must obey. KHRISONG: But these people can help us! SONGSTEN: The Master tells us that there is no help against the Yeti. He tells us to leave. KHRISONG: We will not leave! SONGSTEN: Khrisong, do not defy me. Find the girl. Instruct your warriors. Go after them Sapan. (He enters into a trance.) SONGSTEN: Advise me Padmasambhava. Khrisong turns his warriors away from the path of obedience (The master's voice comes from thin air...) PADMASAMBHAVA: I hear, Songsten, and I understand. Well if they will not be lead, then they must be driven from the monastery. This is what you must do. SONGSTEN: I understand, Master. (He goes to the gate and turns to the sentry, the only other monk left in the courtyard.) SONGSTEN: Help them search for the girl. Go quickly! (Then the Abbot opens the gates wide - leaving the monastery defenceless...) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. ANTEROOM, INNER SANCTUM (Meanwhile, VICTORIA has reached the Anteroom again. PADMASAMBHAVA's voice calls out to her:) PADMASAMBHAVA: (OOV.) Come in, my child, Come in... (VICTORIA feels forced to obey as the great bronze doors swing open.) PADMASAMBHAVA: ...You have no alternative. (Step by step, VICTORIA slowly moves, as in a trance, into the Inner Sanctum and the doors close behind her...)	Plan: A: The Yeti; Q: Who escapes from the monastery? A: the Doctor; Q: Who is accompanied by Jamie on the journey back across the mountains? Summary: The Yeti escapes from the monastery and Victoria and Thonmi are accused of assisting it, while the Doctor and Jamie endure a perilous journey back across the mountains.
Originally written by Marta Kaufmann and David Crane. Transcribed by guineapig. Special thanks to Rachel Stigge for correcting my Italian. [Pre- intro scene: Chandler's office block. Chandler is on a coffee break.] [Enter Shelley] Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going? Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this? Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you. Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'... Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday? Chandler: Yes please. Shelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's- Chandler: He's a he? Shelley: Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now- [backs out of the room] -okay, goodbye... [Opening credits] [Scene 1: Mon+Rach's. Everyone is there.] Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that? Rachel: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be... Chandler: You did? Rachel: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not. Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me? Monica: I did. Phoebe: Yeah, I think so, yeah. Joey: Not me. Ross: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did. Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't? Ross: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman... who also liked her, so... [Joey congratulates Ross, sees Chandler's look and abruptly stops] Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me? Phoebe: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny... Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him? All: Yeah! Right! Chandler: WHAT IS IT?! Monica: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality. All: Yes. Absolutely. A quality. Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this. [Phone rings; Mon gets it] Monica: Hello? Hello? Oh! Rachel, it's Paolo calling from Rome. Rachel: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! [Takes phone] Bon giorno, caro mio. Ross: [To Joey] So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome. Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. [Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler] I'm talking to Rome. Monica: Hey dad, what's up? Oh God. Ross, it's Nana. [Scene 2: Hospital. Mr.+Mrs. Geller are there, along with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter. Everyone says hi and kisses] Ross: So, uh, how's she doing? Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours. Monica: How-how are you, Mom? Mrs. Geller: Me? I'm fine, fine. I'm glad you're here. ...What's with your hair? Monica: What? Mrs. Geller: What's different? Monica: Nothing. Mrs. Geller: Oh, maybe that's it. [Monica strides over to Ross, who is making coffee, and talks to him aside] Monica: She is unbelievable, our mother is... Ross: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover. Monica: Oh God! [They hug. Cut to the hospital, later. Everyone is talking about Nana] Monica: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse. Ross: Oh! ...Yeah, they were gross. Oh, you know what I loved? Her Sweet 'n' Los. How she was always stealing them from- from restaurants. Mr. Geller: Not just restaurants, from our house. [The nurse comes out of Nana's room] Nurse: Mrs. Geller? [Everyone stands up. Cut to Ross and Monica in Nana's room] Ross: She looks so small. Monica: I know. Ross: Well, at least she's with Pop-Pop and Aunt Phyllis now. Monica: G'bye, Nana. [She kisses her on the forehead] Ross: Bye, Nana. [He goes to kiss her but she moves. Monica screams. Ross shouts and stares in disbelief. Monica runs out of the room] Monica: Ross! [Ross runs out too] Mrs. Geller: What is going on?! Ross: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? Well, she's not, quite.. Mrs. Geller: What? Ross: She's not- past, she's present, she's back. Aunt Lillian: [Reentering] What's going on? Mr. Geller: She may have died. Aunt Lillian: She may have died? Mr. Geller: We're looking into it. [Monica returns with the nurse and they go into Nana's room] Ross: I, uh, I'll go see. [He goes in] Nurse: This almost never happens! [Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls the blanket over her. Ross and Monica go to tell the family] Ross: Now she's passed. [Scene 3: Central Perk. The other four are there] Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair? Rachel: [Exasperated] Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair. Phoebe: Yeah, you have homosexual hair. [Enter Monica and Ross] Rachel: So, um, did she... Ross: Twice. Joey: Twice? Phoebe: Oh, that sucks! Joey: You guys okay? Ross: I dunno, it's weird. I mean, I know she's gone, but I just don't feel, uh... Phoebe: Maybe that's 'cause she's not really gone. Ross: Nono, she's gone. Monica: We checked. A lot. Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? [She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously] Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her. Rachel: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this? [Gives her a pencil] Phoebe: Thanks! Rachel: Sure. I just sharpened her this morning. Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! [Realises his tactlessness] ...So Chandler looks gay, huh? Phoebe: Y'know, I dunno who this is, but it's not Debbie. [Hands back the pencil] [Scene 4: Nana's house. Ross, Mrs. Geller and Aunt Lillian are going through clothes] Ross: I thought it was gonna be a closed casket. Mrs. Geller: Well, that doesn't mean she can't look nice! [They open a cupboard which, amongst other things, contains a chest of drawers] Mrs. Geller: Sweetie, you think you can get in there? Ross: [Sarcastic] I don't see why not. [He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that; he falls behind the chest of drawers with a shout] Ross: Here's my retainer! [Scene 5: Mon+Rach's. Monica is talking to her father] Mr. Geller: I was just thinking. When my time comes- Monica: Dad! Mr. Geller: Listen to me! When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea. Monica: You what? Mr. Geller: I wanna be buried at sea, it looks like fun. Monica: Define fun. Mr. Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a boat, pack a lunch... Monica: ...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that does sound fun. Mr. Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says 'Jack Geller, so predictable'. Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say 'Buried at sea! Huh!'. Monica: That's probably what they'll say. Mr. Geller: I'd like that. [Scene 6: Chandler's office block. Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandler enters] Chandler: Hey, gorgeous. Shelley: [Sheepish] Hey. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I, um- Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake. Shelley: Oh! Okay! Phew! Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about me? Shelley: I dunno, uh... you just have a-a... Chandler: ...Quality, right, great. Shelley: Y'know, it's a shame, because you and Lowell would've made a great couple. Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with? Shelley: What? He's cute! Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll. Shelley: Is Brian...? Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him. Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league. Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not. [Cut to Nana's] Ross: [Holding a dress out from inside the closet] This one? Aunt Lillian: No. Ross: I have shown you everything we have. Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the burgundy. Aunt Lillian: You know, whatever we pick, she would've told us it's the wrong one. Mrs. Geller: You're right. We'll go with the burgundy. Ross: Oh! A fine choice. I'm coming out. [Starts to climb over the furniture] Aunt Lillian: Wait! We need shoes! [Ross falls back inside] Ross: Okay. Um, how about these? [Holds out a pair] Mrs. Geller: That's really a day shoe. Ross: And where she's going everyone else'll be dressier? Aunt Lillian: Could we see something in a slimmer heel? Ross: [Forages around] Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work. Aunt Lillian: No, it really should be burgundy. Mrs. Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different dress? Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back. [He finds a shoebox (out of shot), pulls it down and opens it. It is full of Sweet 'n' Los.] Ross: Oh my God.. Mrs. Geller: Is everything all right, dear? Ross: Yeah, just... just Nana stuff. [He reaches up higher and knocks down another shoebox lid. Sweet 'n' Los rain down on him] [Commercial] [Scene 7: Mon+Rach's. Mon+Rach are preparing to leave for the funeral] Ross: [Entering] How we doing, you guys ready? Monica: Mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature? Ross: Some days it's all I can think about. Phoebe: [Entering] Hi, sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my bearings. Rachel: Oh, you-you mean your earrings? Phoebe: What'd I say? Rachel: [Sticking her foot out]Hm-m. Monica: Are these the shoes? Rachel: Yes. Paolo sent them from Italy. Ross: What, we-uh- we don't have shoes here, or...? Joey: [Entering with Chandler] Morning. We ready to go? Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it? [They all leave] [Scene 8: The cemetary, after the funeral] Monica: It was a really beautiful service. Mrs. Geller: It really was. Oh, c'mere, sweetheart. [Hugs her] Y'know, I think it might be time for you to start using night cream. [Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching] Joey: What? Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger. Joey: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys. [He has a pocket TV] Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral? Joey: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception. Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man. [Rachel steps in a patch of mud] Rachel: Oh no! My new Paolo shoes! Ross: Oh, I hope they're not ruined. Phoebe: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise! Ross: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life-aff- [Not looking where he is going he falls into an open grave] All: God! Ross! Ross: I'm fine. Just-just... having my worst fear realised... [Scene 9: The wake, at the Gellers' house. Ross is lying on his back, with Phoebe squatting over him, checking to see if he's injured] Phoebe: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the muscle's in spasm...huh. Ross: What, what is it? Phoebe: You missed a belt loop. Ross: Oh! No-n- Phoebe: Okay, it's in spasm. Mrs. Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my golfing accident. [Hands Ross a bottle of pills. Then turns to Monica and pats her hair over her ears] [Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat] Chandler: Oh, no- Andrea: Sorry- Hi, I'm Dorothy's daughter. Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is. [They shake hands. Cut to Ross emerging from a hallway, grinning inanely. He is obviously very stoned] Phoebe: Hey, look who's up! How do you feel? Ross: I feel great. I feel- great, I fleel great. Monica: Wow, those pills really worked, huh? Ross: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister [Kisses Mon], I love Pheebs.. [Hugs her] Phoebe: Ooh! That's so nice... Ross: ...Chandler! Chandler: Hey. Ross: [Hugs him] And listen, man, if you wanna be gay, be gay. Doesn't matter to me. Andrea: [Turns to a friend] You were right. [They walk off and leave Chandler.] Ross: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. [Sits down beside her] I love you the most. Rachel: [Humouring him] Oh, well you know who I love the most? Ross: No. Rachel: You! Ross: Oh.. you don't get it! [Passes out and slumps across her] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment] Mr. Geller: Whaddya got there? Joey: [Hides the TV, but he still has an earphone] Just a, uh... hearing disability. Mr. Geller: What's the score? Joey: Seventeen-fourteen Giants... three minutes to go in the third. Mr. Geller: Beautiful! [Turns to watch with him] [Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the game] Rachel: [Still trapped under Ross] Pheebs, could you maybe hand me a cracker? Mrs. Geller: [To Mon] Your grandmother would have hated this. Monica: Well, sure, what with it being her funeral and all. Mrs. Geller: No, I'd be hearing about 'Why didn't I get the honey-glazed ham?', I didn't spend enough on flowers, and if I spent more she'd be saying 'Why are you wasting your money? I don't need flowers, I'm dead'. Monica: That sounds like Nana. Mrs. Geller: Do you know what it's like to grow up with someone who is critical of every single thing you say? Monica: ...I can imagine. Mrs. Geller: I'm telling you, it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive, life-affirming person that she is. Monica: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her? Mrs. Geller: Tell her what? Monica: How she drove you crazy, picking on every little detail, like your hair... for example. Mrs. Geller: I'm not sure I know what you're getting at. Monica: Do you think things would have been better if you'd just told her the truth? Mrs. Geller: ...No. I think some things are better left unsaid. I think it's nicer when people just get along. Monica: Huh. Mrs. Geller: More wine, dear? Monica: Oh, I think so. Mrs. Geller: [Reaches out to fiddle with Mon's hair again, and realises] Those earrings look really lovely on you. Monica: Thank you. They're yours. Mrs. Geller: Actually they were Nana's. [There is a cry of disappointment from the crowd of men.] Mr. Geller: Now I'm depressed! ...[To everyone] Even more than I was. [Scene 10: Central Perk. The gang are looking at old photos] Rachel: Hey, who's this little naked guy? Ross: That little naked guy would be me. Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing. Ross: Yes, yes, fine, that is my pen1s. Can we be grown-ups now? Chandler: Who are those people? Ross: Got me. Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. [Reads the back] 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'. Rachel: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there? Monica: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25? Ross: Looks like a fun gang. [They all look at each other and smile] Joey: Ooh, look look look look look! I got Monica naked! Ross: [Looking] Nono, that would be me again. I'm, uh, just trying something. [End credits. Scene: Chandler's office block, yet another coffee break. Enter Lowell...] Chandler: Hey, Lowell. Lowell: Hey, Chandler. Chandler: So how's it going there in Financial Services? Lowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads. How 'bout you? Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not. Lowell: I know. That's what I told her. Chandler: Really. Lowell: Yeah. Chandler: So- you can tell? Lowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind of... radar. Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality? Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is. Chandler: He is? Lowell: Yup, and waaay out of your league. [Exits] Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. [Brian enters behind him] If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. [Sees him] Hey, Brian.	Plan: A: Monica; Q: Who confronts her mother about her critical attitude? A: the hospital; Q: Where do Ross and Monica rush to when their grandmother is taken ill? A: their elderly grandmother; Q: Who is taken ill? A: their goodbyes; Q: What do the family say to their grandmother after she passes? A: their "dead" grandmother; Q: Who revives before dying again? A: Chandler; Q: Who is shocked when a work friend tries to fix him up with a male colleague? A: Monica's grandmother's funeral; Q: What event does the gang attend? A: her constantly critical attitude; Q: What does Monica confront her mother about at the funeral? A: his back; Q: What part of Ross's body did he hurt when he fell into an open grave? A: loopy; Q: What does Ross become after taking muscle relaxers? A: muscle relaxers; Q: What drug does Ross take after he fell into an open grave? Summary: Ross and Monica rush to the hospital when their elderly grandmother is taken ill. After she passes, the family individually go in to say their goodbyes. Ross and Monica are shocked when their "dead" grandmother momentarily revives before dying again. Chandler is astounded when a work friend tries fixing him up with a male colleague, and wants to find out why most of his co-workers and others initially think he is gay. The gang attend Ross and Monica's grandmother's funeral. At the reception, Monica subtly confronts her mother about her constantly critical attitude. Ross, who fell into an open grave and hurt his back, becomes loopy on muscle relaxers.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] (OPEN in Lorelai's house, night. The house looks like it's prepped to be painted. Lorelai is sitting on an armchair looking at some paint samples with Paul Anka near by, and Luke pacing around) LORELAI: Your impatience is very distracting. LUKE: I said nothing. LORELAI: I'm getting a vibe. LUKE: I can't control my vibe. LORELAI: Maybe I should do this alone. LUKE: No. LORELAI: But I need to collect my thoughts. LUKE: The last time I left you alone with your thoughts, I came back and you were in the reds again. LORELAI: So? LUKE: We've ruled out red. LORELAI: Why did we rule out red? LUKE: Because you don't like red. LORELAI: Right. And when I'm right, I'm right. Red would be way too much in here. Now, just give me a minute to concentrate. Cone of silence, please. LUKE: You got it. (notices Lorelai's shoes lined on the floor) Hey, what are all your shoes doing down here? LORELAI: You broke the cone. LUKE: Yeah. They're gonna get ruined. (he starts picking them up) LORELAI: Oh, well, talk to Paul Anka. He's one by one marched every pair of my shoes downstairs, and I have no idea why. Lined them up perfectly, too. Left, right, left, right. He's very a**l when he misbehaves. LUKE: Yeah. I'll clear them out. LORELAI: No, no, no. Don't. I want him to march them back up himself. How else will he learn? LUKE: Fine. (drops the shoes) Whatever. (pointing at Paul Anka) Weirdo. (sits on the bed opposite Lorelai) LORELAI: Why did I say I don't like red? LUKE: I think your exact words were, "better dead than red". LORELAI: 'Cause I'm liking red now. LUKE: What happened to the white you picked? That was such a nice white, and you were so sure about it. LORELAI: It didn't go with Paul Anka. LUKE: Unbelievable. LORELAI: Look. (holds up the paint sample to Paul Anka) LUKE: Oh, yeah. You're right. That does not work, not at all. LORELAI: See? LUKE: I was kidding. LORELAI: You know, your kidding is really slowing down the process here, big-time. Hey, uh, what about a...blue? LUKE: We're painting the outside blue. LORELAI: Or maybe a yellow. LUKE: Oh, come on now. Yellow really doesn't go with Paul Anka. LORELAI: You know, if nothing goes with him, we may have to move. LUKE: Do you want to know the problem here? LORELAI: Actually, no. I don't like problems. I avoid them when I can, and I don't like people pointing them out to me. LUKE: The guys are almost done prepping the walls, and then they're gonna want to paint. If we don't have a colour for them, they're gonna have nothing to do, and then they're gonna bolt, and we won't see them again for weeks. LORELAI: That is so cold. LUKE: Well they go where the money is. If they're not painting, they're not earning. LORELAI: Oh, wait. Paul Anka. Maybe he has an opinion on all this. LUKE: Oh, I'm sure he does. LORELAI: Okay, dude. Check them out. Don't overthink it. What looks good to you? (holds up the paint samples for him and he licks a one) Ooh! He licked the dark magenta. LUKE: You know dogs are colour-blind. LORELAI: Okay, technicality. What about the baseboards? Baseboards. (he licks again) Ooh! Dark magenta baseboards. Interesting choice. LUKE: I need a beer. (gets up and makes his way to the kitchen) LORELAI: Oh. Oh, get one for me, too, please. (at Paul Anka) How about the ceiling? (the dog licks again and Lorelai gasps) Dark magenta! You've got the queer eye, my friend. (pets Paul Anka) Oh yeah! OPENING CREDITS (CUT to Rory's bedroom at the mansion, morning. Rory is asleep. There is a knock on the door and Rory wakes up startled) EMILY (from outside the door): Rise and shine! RORY: No, no, no, no, no. EMILY (from outside the door): It's a beautiful morning. RORY: No rising. No shining. EMILY (from outside the door): Don't let it go to waste. I'll be back in five if I don't see you. RORY: (angry and frustrated) No, no more "back in five"! (lies back down) (CUT to Luke's diner, morning. Lorelai and Luke walk in the diner coming from upstairs in mid-conversation) LORELAI: It's perfect. A light, slightly washed-out green like you see in renaissance wall paintings, with the baseboards painted an aquamarine blue, but dulled so it's got a little Latin touch. And you paint the ceilings off-white with a hint of yellow to go great with the floors and just give the whole space a nice glow. (Lorelai sits on a stool at the counter as Luke stays behind the counter) What do you think? LUKE: We're not painting my apartment. LORELAI: (chuckles) Why not? LUKE: Because we're painting your house. That's why you have the colour samples. LORELAI: Mm-hm, and there's not enough paint to paint your place and the other place? LUKE: There's not enough time. As you work on the perfect colours for my house and Babette's house and Mr.Lanahan's house and Sookie's house... LORELAI: Oh, I showed Sookie that blanched almond. She flipped. LUKE: ...And the post office and the church and the odd fellows hall, the painters are getting closer and closer to being ready to paint your house. You gotta focus or... LORELAI: Or what? LUKE: I'm gonna take that away. (indicating at the paint-sample thingy) LORELAI: Oh, no! You would not take my paint-sample thingy away from me. LUKE: I most certainly would. LORELAI: Well, that would seriously slow down the process. And I don't know if you know this, but if the painters have nothing to do, they'll move on to another job. (a townie - Maggie - and two little girls - Tilly and Megan - walk up to Luke and Lorelai) LUKE: It's "the twilight zone". I do not know what to do here. (Lorelai notices they have company) LORELAI: Hey. I think the lullaby league is looking for you. LUKE: (at the girls) Oh. Yeah? MEGAN: Mr.Danes, I'm Megan, and this is Tilly. TILLY: Hi. MEGAN: Um, we go to Stars Hollow Middle School. You went there. (Luke stares at the girls) LORELAI: I think they're looking for confirmation. LUKE: Yeah, I went. MAGGIE: He's busy, girls. Don't keep him long. MEGAN: Well, we're on a soccer team, and we lost our sponsor. LORELAI: Aw, who was your sponsor? MEGAN: Luger's bait and tackle. LORELAI: Oh, that's right. They're shutting down. (at Luke) Luger's wife caught him at that motel with the transv...(remembers that there are kids around) sistor radio, and, uh, he retired honourably. LUKE: So, what are you here for? MEGAN: We were wondering if you would sponsor our team. LUKE: Well, I don't know... TILLY: You just have to buy our jerseys. MEGAN: It'll say "Luke's Diner" on the back. TILLY: Plus our name: "The bobcats". And you pitch in for trophies if we win. MEGAN: But you don't even have to go to the games if you don't want. TILLY: Yeah. You don't have to come. LUKE: Girls, no offence, but I don't think so. It's not my thing. MAGGIE: No problem. Thank him for his time, girls. (the girls look a bit sad) MEGAN: Thank you. TILLY: Thank you, Mr.Danes. LUKE: You're welcome. LORELAI: Bye. (the girls and Maggie go back to their table) Wow, Oliver Twist just kindly asked for a little more gruel, and you kicked him right in the junk. LUKE: Who? LORELAI: You broke those darling little girls' hearts. LUKE: They'll find someone else. LORELAI: How is this not your thing? LUKE: I don't want to coach a soccer team. LORELAI: They don't need a coach. How closely were you listening? LUKE: Well, not that closely. Kids usually talk, but they don't say anything. You know, they just kind of yammer, so if you don't find them cute, they're just boring. LORELAI: God, you should really have your own children's show, you know, as an alternative to the nice ones. LUKE: You know what I mean. LORELAI: It's just a sponsorship, and they're from your alma mater, which, by the way, is looking drab and could use a touch-up. I'd recommend the light salmon. Doesn't that mean something? LUKE: I guess a little. LORELAI: You don't even have to go to the games, and you'd get to have your name on the back of the jerseys. Free advertising, how cool is that? LUKE: Well, yeah, that might be all right. LORELAI: Hey, and you'll get that photo that sponsors get of the whole team sitting on the field, and you can display it like Al's Pancake World does. Ooh, Al...that sea-green with burnt-sienna trim. LUKE: (grabs the sample thingy away from her) I warned you. LORELAI: OH! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Come on. Give it back, please. I'm jonesing. I need my colours. Please. (he gives it back) LUKE: Think they're any good? LORELAI: I don't know if that matters. (Luke walks up to the girls and Maggie's table) LUKE: Hey, uh, if you still want a sponsor, we can give it a shot. MEGAN: Really?! TILLY: Yay! (the girls get up and hug Luke) MAGGIE: Oh, that's wonderful, Luke. Thank you. LUKE: (a bit uncomfortable) I guess this is you being grateful. LORELAI: (pointing at a blue shade from the sample thingy) For the jerseys. (CUT to Gilmore mansion, morning. Rory is coming down the stairs talking on her cell phone at Logan. The scene CUTS between Rory at the mansion and Logan at Yale) RORY: You really get, like, no notice on these things, do you? LOGAN: None. It's a "grab your bag and meet me at the tarmac, son, over and out", and it's always at an ungodly hour. RORY: 6:00 am? LOGAN: That's my bedtime, for God's sake. RORY: So. where's he dragging you this time? LOGAN: A paper in Omaha. What state is that in again? RORY: Nebraska. LOGAN: Ah. Corn, farm animals, football. RORY: Oh, and they love condescension in Nebraska, too, so hit them with that as soon as you disembark. LOGAN: Well, you have got to be free tonight, my dear, 'cause I'm getting the group together for a blow-out. Do not tell me you're working. RORY: I can make some time for you. (notices Emily sitting in the room she was about to enter, turns the other way and start almost whispering) Oops. Evasive manoeuvre. LOGAN: What? RORY: My grandmother. LOGAN: Is she coming at you with a knife or something? RORY: It's one thing to be forced to move into the big house, but now the big house is feeling Tom thumb tiny. My grandmother's everywhere. LOGAN: The older generation...They have their methods of ubiquity. RORY: I'm positive that there are at least five of her wandering the property like she's a Cylon. LOGAN: (whispering) So, can you meet me out here tonight? RORY: Why are you whispering? LOGAN: Because you're whispering. RORY: That's cute. I'll see you at your place? eight o'clock? LOGAN: Perfect. RORY: See you then. (hangs up the phone and is about to exit the house, but Emily comes in the room just in time and startles her) EMILY: Rory! RORY: Oh, hi, Grandma. I was just heading out, in kind of a hurry. (does not turn around to look at Emily) EMILY: Heading out where? RORY: Errands. Just errands. EMILY: You know, Shandinka would be willing to do your errands for you. She has a used SUV. RORY: I can do them myself. EMILY: Is something wrong with your face? RORY: No. EMILY: Why are you hiding it? (Rory turns around to face Emily) It looks fine. RORY: It is fine. EMILY: So, are you staying overnight at Paris' again this week? RORY: Maybe. EMILY: That's so fun. Having a girlfriend for sleepovers. You know, Paris can sleep over here sometime if you want. RORY: Great. Thanks. EMILY: Your Grandfather's out of town for a few days, so it's just us girls. Got a preference for dinner tonight? RORY: I may not make it for dinner tonight, Grandma. EMILY: Oh. I was looking forward to it. RORY: Sorry. EMILY: It's always good to give 24-hours notice on these things. RORY: Again, sorry. EMILY: You're looking skinnier, and you're skipping dinner. RORY: I'm not skipping dinner. I'm having dinner out. EMILY: You're not bulimic? RORY: I really have to go, Grandma. EMILY: One last thing. The Russian tea for the DAR...That's going well? RORY: Yeah. It's like clockwork. It's an easy one. Teas are easy. EMILY: Oh! That reminds me. (goes off to the other room) RORY: I really have to go, Grandma (quietly to herself) she said for the umpteenth time. (Emily comes back in, holding a dress) EMILY: What do you think? RORY: It's nice. Whose is it? EMILY: It's for you, for the Russian tea. Want to try it on? RORY: Later. Please. I really, really have to go. EMILY: Well, that's something to look forward to. RORY: Definitely. EMILY: See you later. RORY: See you later. (Rory exits. Outside of the house now, she takes a calming breath and walks off) (CUT to Lorelai's house, night. Babette and Lorelai are in the living room. Babette is sitting on the armchair, looking through the sample thingy and Lorelai is hovering over her) BABETTE: Oh, this is hard. This is so hard. LORELAI: Yeah, I know. BABETTE: I can be so indecisive. Put me in front of a bin of cantaloupe, it'll take me an hour to pick one. An hour! And this is harder than cantaloupe. LORELAI: Come on. Focus, Babette. A green, an off-white. what do you think? BABETTE: They all seem fine. LORELAI: See, I don't know if you're aware of this, but if painters are ready to paint, and you don't have your colours ready, they'll leave, and you'll never see them again, so the clock is ticking here. LUKE (OS): Don't let her bully you, Babette. BABETTE: But I gotta pick a colour! LUKE (OS): Lorelai's gotta pick a colour! LORELAI: Just leave us alone out here! Go about your business! (sits on the bed close to Babette) LUKE (OS): You're being cruel to Babette, and you're going to rot in hell for this. LORELAI: I'm just getting her opinion. BABETTE: I've caused an argument. I'm horrible. LUKE (OS): You've got till close of day tomorrow, and that's it. BABETTE: Good! That'll give me enough time! LUKE (OS): Not you, Babette, Lorelai! BABETTE: Oh, he's mad at me. LORELAI: He's not mad at you. And he's right. It's my thing. I should do it. BABETTE: Thank God. Well, here's the information you wanted for Paul Anka. You got your training schools. Training's always good for them. LORELAI: Yeah, uh, I took him to a few sessions. He fell in love with a poodle and got very distracted. BABETTE: And doggy day care. Let him run around with other dogs. Good for socializing him. LORELAI: Well, the other dogs we've come across on walks, he'll bark at them, and then when they turn and look at him, he'll play dead. It's kind of sad. BABETTE: Well, he's the cutest basket case I've ever seen. That's for sure. Gotta go. (they stand up) LORELAI: Okay. Thanks for coming, Babette. This will help. So... (talking very quietly) hey, if you were gonna pick between the papaya whip I showed you and the medium spring green... LUKE (OS): STOP IT! LORELAI: God, he's got good ears. BABETTE: See you, doll. Good luck! LORELAI: Thanks. Bye. BABETTE: Bye! (they walk towards the door) (CUT to kitchen, continuous. Luke is sitting at the table talking on the phone, and looking at a catalogue. Lorelai comes in and sits with him) LUKE: Yeah, I want the two-colour team name on the front in script and the "Luke's Diner" in a vertical arch above the number on the back. LORELAI: "L" for Lorelai. LUKE: "L" for Luke's. LORELAI: Hey, our names have the same first letter. LUKE: You like the style? LORELAI: Classy. LUKE: (on the phone) But I want really nice stitching, even if it costs extra. I don't care that it's double. Just do it. I want my girls to look good. LORELAI: Listen to Daddy Warbucks. LUKE: Yeah. 12 for the team plus three spares will do it. 15 in all. (Lorelai get his attention and point at herself - she wants a jersey) Uh, plus another medium, 16, (Lorelai points at Luke) and an extra-large men's, so 17. (Paul Anka comes on the kitchen, starts to scratch Rory's bedroom door and is whimpering. Lorelai points at him too) And one for a medium dog. Yeah. Dog. And this is a rush order. I want them for the next game. Okay, thanks, Ollie. Bye. (hangs up) LORELAI: Those girls are gonna be styling. LUKE: Yeah, well, they're gonna have the best uniforms in the league. I've seen pictures of the other teams. Little bag ladies. LORELAI: Look how you've embraced this. LUKE: Well, the more I thought about it, the more fun it seemed, you know. And my friend Ed told me the team is actually pretty good. They got a chance to go all the way. LORELAI: Cool. Wow. They could make a movie about this someday. You know...The reluctant, handsome diner owner sponsoring a team that goes all the way to the national finals, and you know who would play you? LUKE: Who? LORELAI: Tobey Maguire! LUKE: He's way younger than me. LORELAI: But his career is hot. Go with Tobey. LUKE: What about that Vito Morgenstern? LORELAI: Sure. Or Viggo Mortensen. LUKE: Oh. LORELAI: Or Donald Sutherland. LUKE: Too old. LORELAI: We'll dye his hair. LUKE: He's got jowls. LORELAI: You're picky. (Paul Anka whimpers again and keeps on scraching Rory's door) LUKE: What's he doing? LORELAI: I don't know. He's been doing that a lot lately. Hey, hey, buddy, there's nothing for you there. (he lies down) He need geritol? He's been lethargic lately. He's depressed or something. (Luke takes the phone again and starts dialling) Who are you calling? LUKE: Just saw something in this thing. (on phone) Hey, Ollie, it's Luke Danes again. Listen, I was looking through your brochure again. You can make caps, too, right? LORELAI: Soccer players wear caps? LUKE: (at Lorelai) No, I just think they'll look cute in them. (on phone) Yeah, what's your highest quality cap you got there? Yeah, I don't want plastic in the sizing. It's cheapo. You got that kind that you kind of pull on the cloth thingy to size it, right? (Lorelai gets up and bends over Paul Anka to pet him) Great. Well, give me 20 of those. (CUT to Rich Man's Shoe, night. A folk singer is on the stage singing. Rory, Logan, Finn, Colin, Rosemary and Juliet are sitting at a table. The boys seem rather drunk. Finn and Colin perk up when the folk singer, who is a girl, sings "met her") FINN: "Met her". COLIN: Cool. A girl-on-girl thing. (the song goes "there I took her life") It's a snuff film. FINN: A lesbian snuff film. (she repeats the last couple of verses) COLIN: A redundant lesbian snuff film. How INXS missed her, I don't know. LOGAN: Raise a glass to INXS. FINN: My countrymen, I'm less than proud to say. COLIN: I cannot, cannot believe they've reinstated folk night at my beloved pub. FINN: It's a travesty! JULIET: Is there any alcohol left in the state of Connecticut that's not inside them? ROSEMARY: I doubt it. LOGAN: So, boys, another round? COLIN: Posthaste. Barkeep! RORY: You've hardly touched the drink in front of you. LOGAN: Ah, but I'm anticipating. You don't wait till the drink's done to order another. That's for amateurs. RORY: Right. I forgot you went pro. LOGAN: So, boys, boys, when is the Life & Death Brigade going out again? We have been remiss. COLIN: I have ideas. Big ideas. Potentially harmful ideas. (another customer from a near by table turns at them) CUSTOMER: Hey, you mind? COLIN: Boyfriend? FINN: Brother. COLIN: Or both. He could be southern. LOGAN: Hey. New drinking game. Every time the folk singer sounds sincere, we have to take a drink. JULIET: Buckle up. It's gonna be a long night. FINN: Come on. Start folding your own, gents. (he folds up a piece of napkin and throws it towards the stage) Whoever hits the folk singer first wins. (Colin follows his lead) (CUT to outside Rich Man's Shoe, night much later on. The gang comes out of the bar. The boys are totally wasted. Rory is supporting Logan because he's too drunk and tries to lead him and get Colin and Finn in her car. The girls stay back) FINN: Good morning, New Haven! My, my, you look fresh and appealing tonight! MAN (OS): Shut up! FINN: God has spoken to me... rather rudely. MAN (OS): Shut up! RORY: Finn, keep it down. COLIN: (climbs on car and hold on to a street light pole) Finn, watch. Tostingo! (throws a glass he was holding in the air, Finn pretends to be shooting at it and it shatters) MAN (OS): Hey...Shut up! LOGAN: Why are we leaving, Ace? RORY: Because they're closing. LOGAN: That's no excuse. RORY: We've overstayed our welcome. LOGAN: That makes me sad. RORY: You've gotta get your plane in the morning. JULIET: Have I gained weight? ROSEMARY: Why? JULIET: Finn didn't make a pass at me. FINN: No, love, my brain is cloudy. Here I am making a pass at you. Pass, pass! COLIN: That is so expositional. RORY: Guys, just get in the car. (the boys look in through the open car door but don't move) COLIN: I've forgotten how to get into a car. FINN: Me too. Rory, did you have your owner's manual with you, love? RORY: Oh, my god. Just get in! (starts pushing them in) JULIET: Bon voyage. ROSEMARY: Good luck with your ringling. (the girls walk off) LOGAN: One more drink. (he stalks off back to the bar. One of the workers is closing the gate) COLIN: Oh, we've got a runner! LOGAN: Come on (Rory runs after Logan) RORY: Logan! LOGAN: Hey, come on. Let me in. (steadying himself on the pub's gate) RORY: Oh, Logan, they're closed. LOGAN: I have to apologize to that folk singer. RORY: She's not here. Everyone's gone. LOGAN: I hurt her feelings. RORY: She's a folk singer. She's used to it. Come on. (she grabs him and starts walking him back to the car) LOGAN: I don't want to go to Omaha tomorrow. RORY: I know. LOGAN: It's boring. RORY: I know. LOGAN: And it's not here. RORY: Come on. Yeah. LOGAN: I don't like steaks or insurance or football or anything else that they have there. RORY: You like steaks. LOGAN: Do they even have electricity there? RORY: Yeah. Yeah. They just got it last year. LOGAN: Don't make me go. RORY: I'm not making you go. I'm just trying to get you home. LOGAN: But getting me home means that I have to go to sleep, and when I wake up, I have to go on a plane to Omaha. (they finally reach the car and Rory tries to help Logan in) Where's Omaha? Where's Omaha? RORY: Oh. Just get in, please. LOGAN: (as he sits gets in) Aah! Ahh! (Rory looks around for Colin and Finn. They are gone) RORY: Colin? Finn? MAN (OS): Shut up! RORY: Guys! MAN (OS): Shut up! (CUT to Gilmore mansion driveway, night. Rory drives up and gets out of her car. Someone walks up to the gate and Rory turns to see who it is) RORY: Jess. (he opens the gate and help himself in) JESS: Hey. RORY: Hey. (they stare at each other) RORY: I...sorry. That wasn't a sentence. JESS: I got the gist. (he walks up to her) RORY: What are you doing here? JESS: I got a job. Professional driveway stalker. RORY: Pays good? JESS: Yeah, but the hours suck. RORY: Jess...? JESS: I'm in town on a little business. All nice and aboveboard. RORY: How'd you know where to find me? JESS: Luke. I shook it out of him. He wasn't sure if it was okay. RORY: It's okay. You look good. The years don't seem to have hardened you. JESS: Yeah, you look good, too. I know this is kind of weird, but there's actually something I wanted to tell you. Show you, actually. (Rory looks up at the house, Jess notices) I can come back another time. RORY: No, it's just, uh, we're kind of exposed here. My...her window's, like, right there. JESS: Whose? RORY: Uh, my Grandma's. You want to come in? JESS: You sure? RORY: Yeah. Come on. But just be careful. She's a very light sleeper. (they start walking towards the house) (CUT to Rory's room, continuous. They enter) RORY: So, here we are. JESS: Casa Rory. (Rory closes the door, takes a pillow from the bed and puts it on the foot of the door. Jess looks on) RORY: So our voices don't carry. JESS: Very prudent. RORY: This is not really my taste. JESS: Yeah, not unless you've aged about 90 years. RORY: I haven't. JESS: Is that for Halloween? (pointing at the dress Emily was showing Rory earlier) RORY: No, no. This is just for a function I have to go to. JESS: Function? RORY: It's just a job. The DAR. Daughters of the American Revolution. It's not a career or anything. JESS: I hope not. RORY: No. See, don't get the wrong idea. I'm just here temporarily. My mom and I... JESS: Luke alluded to something. RORY: It's a long story. I was crashing in the pool house, and that was just temporary, but the pool house became storage, so then I had to move into the main house. All temporary. JESS: Isn't school in session? RORY: Mm-hmm. JESS: Why aren't you living on campus? RORY: Because I'm not going. JESS: You graduate already, Doogie? RORY: No. I'm just taking a little time off. JESS: Time off. RORY: So, where are you living, Jess? I want to know about you, mystery man. (they sit) JESS: I'm in Philly. RORY: Really? JESS: Don't laugh. RORY: No, I'm not. Philadelphia's gotten cool. JESS: And New York's gotten expensive. Anyway, it's a pretty cool scene in Philly now. Lot of younger people there...pretty big art scene. RORY: I know. I read that in the New York Times. They had a picture of a bunch of young people standing on a roof, kind of eclectic and all. It looked fun. I mean, it was clearly one of those pictures that wasn't candid. It was looking a little stiff, but they looked happy. JESS: Are you nervous? RORY: A little. It's been a long time. JESS: I'm a little nervous, too. RORY: Good. I'm not alone. JESS: So, I didn't just come here to chat. I wanted to show you something. (takes hios bag and starts looking for something) RORY: Right. You said that. JESS: Yeah, and I didn't think you'd believe it if I didn't show it to you in person. (takes out a book and give it to her) RORY: Well, colour me curious. A book. (reading the cover) "'The Subsect'...written by Jess Mariano." JESS: It's no misprint. RORY: You wrote a book? JESS: A short novel. RORY: You wrote a book?! JESS: And through a fluke, I got it to these guys that have a small press, and they read it. I don't know if they were high or something, but they decided to publish it. RORY: You wrote a book. JESS: There's no money in it. They only printed like 500 of them. Believe me, I'm not quitting my day job. RORY: But you wrote it. You wrote a book. (gets up and starts pacing around flipping the pages a bit) JESS: Yeah, I know. It's hard to believe. RORY: You sat down and wrote a novel. JESS: Author-distributed, too. That's what I'm doing here. I'm going around begging independent bookstores to put it in stock. Got it in a few. RORY: Cool! Where? JESS: Around. RORY: I want to see it in a store. JESS: I can give you the addresses. RORY: You know what I'm gonna do when I see it in the store? JESS: What? RORY: You know that section toward the front, the staff recommendations? I'm gonna grab a copy of your book and put it in that section, and then I'm going to write my own little recommendation on a card and attach it so people see it and buy it. JESS: Read it first. That way you can discourage people from buying it. RORY: No way! I know it's good. (she sits again) Jess, you've got such a great brain. I knew that if you could just sit down and stop shaking it around, you could do something like this. I knew it. I knew it. JESS: I know you did. I work at that press now. Five smelly guys in a cramped room on Locust Street putting out about three books a month. But it's fun. RORY: What about a sequel? Are you writing a sequel? JESS: You should read it before you get too jazzed about it, okay? RORY: Shh! (they are quiet for a few seconds and Rory looks alert. After a bit she sighs) Sorry. I thought I heard footsteps. I think we're okay. JESS: It's kind of late. I should go. RORY: It is kind of late. (they both get up and start moving to the door) JESS: So, I just basically wanted to show you that. Uh, tell you... tell you that I couldn't have done it without you. RORY: Thanks. JESS: I'm gonna be around for a couple days. Can we talk again? Preferably above a whisper. RORY: Yeah. I'd like that. How about tomorrow night? JESS: Eight okay? RORY: Yep. JESS: Good. I'll sneak out on my own. RORY: Cool. (they get to the door. Jess picks up the pillow and gives it to Rory. She sees the book in her hand) Oh, hey. The book. JESS: Oh, it's yours. (he leaves and closes the door. Rory sits on her bed and starts going through the book a bit) [SCENE_BREAK] (CUT to soccer field, morning. Two teams - one of them is The Bobcats - are warming up. There are a bunch of soccer parents on the side lines. Luke and Lorelai make their way through, wearing their matching Bobcat jerseys) LORELAI: So, where are the bleachers? LUKE: Oh, they don't have bleachers at soccer games. They just stand on the sidelines. LORELAI: But, where do we go if we feel like making out in the middle of the game? LUKE: I don't think they'd mind if we did it right here in front of them. LORELAI: Cool. Got a nice crowd here, Mr.Sponsor. LUKE: Not bad. Not bad. LORELAI: So, these are soccer moms, huh? LUKE: They're just really bored spinsters. LORELAI: They seem very concerned with education and national security. (Luke chuckles. Maggie sees the tow of them walking around and runs up to the) MAGGIE: Luke! Hi! You came! LUKE: Oh, yeah. I thought I'd come down, see the girls in action. MAGGIE: Oh, they give it their all. You'll be proud. LUKE: I'm sure I will. LORELAI: Look at those girls. Look how cute they are in those uniforms. LUKE: Check out the other team's. Cheap fabric, cheap stitching. LORELAI: Look at the sponsor. Fred's dry cleaning. Ruined a favorite sweater years ago. Today he pays. (Tilly and Megan run up to Luke and Lorelai) MEGAN: Luke! TILLY: You came! LUKE: Hey, girls. You ready to play? MEGAN: We hope so. LUKE: The other team? I think you're gonna wipe the floor with them. MEGAN: I think we've got a shot. LUKE: No, I know you've got a shot. Don't forget. We're having a little celebration at the diner afterwards, win or lose. MEGAN: Cool. TILLY: We better get back. LUKE: All right. Have a good game. MEGAN: See ya! LORELAI: Bend it like Beckham! (the girls run off) Oh, so, I dropped Paul Anka off at doggy day care. It was a little scary. LUKE: No, that'll be good for him. LORELAI: He seemed okay. He was a little standoffish at first, but then he got very friendly with the cash register. And then a dog ran up to him, and he played dead for a couple seconds, and when that didn't work, he ran off playing with the other dogs. I think it's gonna do him some good. LUKE: I think so, too. (the game begins) Oh, here we go. LORELAI: Oh, who got the ball? LUKE: Well, The Bobcats lost the toss, so the other team got the ball. LORELAI: So, we've lost already? LUKE: Just the toss. It means nothing. LORELAI: How many points are we behind 'cause we screwed up the tossing? LUKE: Nothing, it just started. 0-0. LORELAI: Were we talking during the toss? How did we miss the toss? LUKE: Just watch the game. LORELAI: Okay. Look at that Megan run. LUKE: Ooh, she's making her move. LORELAI: She's fast. LUKE: Yeah, see her coming up behind that girl? She's gonna try to steal and then move the ball forward and get it to the... LORELAI: OH! LUKE: OH! What was that? SOCCER DAD: Good hustle, girls! Good hustle! LORELAI: Is that girl unconscious? LUKE: No, no, no. She's getting up. She's a little-little wobbly though. LORELAI: Is it okay for Megan to slam her elbow in that girl's neck like that? LUKE: I don't think...(Tilly attacks girl who falls down) Oh, my God! LORELAI: Oh! That was poor little Tilly. LUKE: There's blood. I see blood. LORELAI: Who is their coach? Sam Peckinpah? MAGGIE: Way to go, Tilly. Dominate. Dominate. LORELAI: Shouldn't that be a foul or something? MAGGIE: Oh, don't worry. Tilly is an expert at knowing when the ref is watching and when he isn't. Agression! Agression! Agression! LORELAI: I cannot watch this. (hides her eyes. Luke keeps on watching the game which, from all the noises one can tell, is quite violent. We hear bunch and a groan, and Luke kinda steps back) Ah! I heard that. It was just as bad as seeing it. LUKE: Now I think that girl's unconscious. (CUT to soccer field parking, morning, later on. Everyone is making their way to their cars. Luke and Lorelai run to the truck, get in and look stunned) LORELAI: It was...it was... LUKE: Violent. LORELAI: "Scarface" on a soccer field. LUKE: Those little girls. Megan, Tilly. LORELAI: Animals! Animals! LUKE: Did you see the blood on their jerseys? LORELAI: Oh, I did! I did see that. And the refs, they look like they're afraid to call penalties. LUKE: Can you blame them? LORELAI: It's Alicia. Duck. (they duck) LUKE: Ohh...she's not coming after us. Although she is walking right toward us. Oh! She turned. LORELAI: Oh, thank God. (they sit up straight again) LUKE: She turned away. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE: Oh, those sweet, little 11-year-old girls. LORELAI: Killers! Killers all! LUKE: They won. They won that game. LORELAI: Bobcats 37, humanity nothing. I don't want to go to another game. LUKE: Me neither. LORELAI: Good. (they look around a bit) LUKE: Seems like a good time to get away. LORELAI: Yeah, they're all distracted. Gun it! Gun it! (Luke starts the car and they drive off) (CUT to Gilmore mansion driveway, night. Jess is outside and starts throwing pebles at a window. Rory comes out and he gets startled. He sees it's her and relaxes as she walks up to him, chuckling) RORY: What are you doing? JESS: (whispering) I didn't know if it was okay to ring or not. RORY: She's not here. JESS: (normal volume) She's not? RORY: She's playing bridge tonight. JESS: Oh, good. I parked on the street so she wouldn't see. RORY: You're very good at covert ops. JESS: Years of practice. So, where do you want to go? RORY: I don't know. I don't know the area that well. JESS: You live here. RORY: I know, but Hartford's still a mystery. Even when I went to Chilton, I got right on the bus and headed home. So I don't even have any old high school hangouts to revisit. And these days, I've just been eating here. JESS: Well, I just prefer not going someplace that has food in the title. RORY: Meaning... JESS: Olive, chilli, soup. No gardens. No plantations. RORY: Got it. Something funkier. JESS: Steer me to the college district. I'll find us something funky. RORY: Sounds good. (a car drives up. It's Logan. Jess looks at Rory, she looks at Logan as he exits the car smiling) Logan. LOGAN: Am I interrupting something? (he walks up to them) RORY: No. Hey. When did you get back? LOGAN: Couple hours ago. RORY: Oh, I...I thought you were getting back tomorrow. LOGAN: I thought I'd surprise you, Ace. RORY: Well, I'm glad you did 'cause you get to meet my old friend, Jess. This is Logan, my boyfriend. Logan, this is Jess. He's in from out of town. (uncomfortable silence) Wow. That sounded so grown-up. We're at the age now where we say things like "in from out of town" and "old friend", 'cause when you're young, all your friends are new, and you have to get old to have old friends. (uncomfortable chuckling from Rory. Logan extends his hand to Jess) LOGAN: How you doing? (they shake) JESS: Okay. RORY: We were just gonna go grab a bite to eat. LOGAN: Great. Well, how about if we all go together. Is that okay? JESS: Okay by me. LOGAN: Good RORY: All right. Good. We were actually at a loss for where to go, so you actually saved us. LOGAN: Call me superman. (at Jess) Why don't you follow us. JESS: Sure. (Logan puts his arm around Rory's shoulders and stears her to the passenger side of his car. Rory is a bit uncomfortable with the gesture) LOGAN: Great. Come on. (CUT to Lorelai's house, evening. Lorelai enters and notices all her shoes lined up leading to Rory's room. Paul Anka is laying in front of Rory' bedroom door. Lorelai leans over him concerned and starts petting him) LORELAI: Baby. (feeling his nose) Ohh. (CUT to Luke's diner, evening. Luke is sitting with the team. They are occupying a few tables. The girls are eating burgers and Luke is trying to talk to them) LUKE: Look. I'm not saying take a dive or let them win... TILLY: Good burger. LUKE: Thanks, I'm not even saying let them score a goal, which the other team did not. (Megan and Tilly high-five) MEGAN: Yeah! Shutout! TILLY: Donut! SOCCER GIRL: They ate some dirt. LUKE: They did. They did. They ate some dirt. You fed it to them, but all I'm saying is do you have to hit them so hard? MEGAN: It's part of the game. TILLY: Yeah, you have to be aggressive, or they'll roll over you. MEGAN: You're not being competitive if your jersey doesn't have a little O negative on it. LUKE: I know. Absolutely. But, uh, for example, Megan, that bicycle kick you did. MEGAN: Bicycle kicks are allowed. LUKE: Not on another girl's head. MEGAN: She was all up in my grill! LUKE: I know, and I don't like it when people are all up in my grill, but there are other ways to deal with it. TILLY: We play the way the boys play. SOCCER GIRL: Watch them. You'll see. LUKE: But boys are boys, and girls are girls. (the girls react and Luke is a bit shocked) MEGAN: I cannot believe I'm hearing this. TILLY: So we're just supposed to play like cute little girls like we're at some tea party? LUKE: I'm not saying that. TILLY: We want to win. Which means we gotta kick some butt! THE WHOLE TEAM: Yeah! LUKE: (looking at Tilly stunned) You were so shy when I met you. (the telephone rings) I'll be right back. (Luke walks over to the counter to get the phone and listens to girls, resigned, for a bit talking about how they "creamed those guys". On the phone) Luke's. (CUT to Lorelai's house, continuous. Lorelai is in the living room on the phone. The scene CUTS between Luke at the diner and Lorelai at home) LORELAI: Hey. It's me. LUKE: Hey, what's wrong? LORELAI: It's Paul Anka. He's sick. LUKE: He's sick? LORELAI: Yeah. He doesn't want to walk or eat or anything. He's never been sick in his whole life. I mean, I haven't had him his whole life, so it's possible that he's been sick in his life. I'll never know for sure, but to me it's as if it's the first time he's ever been sick. LUKE: He got sick when he ate that chocolate. Did he eat more chocolate? LORELAI: He hasn't eaten chocolate. He hasn't eaten anything in two days. LUKE: Get him to the vet. LORELAI: I did. The vet just said that he has some sort of bug and to let him be until it passes. I feel so helpless. LUKE: Well, I've got the team here, so as soon as they're gone, I'll come over. I mean, they wolf it down like pigs, so it's not gonna be that long unless they want a third helping. LORELAI: Maybe I should take him back to the vet. LUKE: Just let Paul Anka be. Dogs are dogs. They know how to heal. LORELAI: Paul Anka isn't a dog. He's some sort of hybrid. Maybe that vet doesn't specialize in hybrids. LUKE: Sit tight. I'll be over soon. LORELAI: Okay. Bye. LUKE: Bye. (they hang up. Luke turns around just in time to hear the girls laughing and Megan say) MEGAN: She went one way and her knee went the other. (the girls cheer as Luke sighs and walks back over to them) (CUT to Rich Man's Shoe, evening. Rory, Logan and Jess are sitting at a table twith their drinks talking) LOGAN: I live pretty close. I'd have had you over to check it out, but it's a bit of a mess. RORY: And you don't serve food, so we would have been starving at your place. LOGAN: I've got appetizers, half-full bag of chips. Just check the expiration date before you dive in. JESS: I'm good with this place. LOGAN: Little pointer. Don't come on folk night. JESS: Yeah, I'm not a big fan of folk music. LOGAN: Something we have in common. JESS: Great. (looks at Rory who looks back at him a bit uncomfortable) LOGAN: Where's a waitress? (at a waitress) Yo, yo. Right here. Uh, another McKellen's neat, and, Jess, another brew? JESS: I'm still working on this one. LOGAN: Another one, just in case. (the waitress walks off) RORY: Well, we should probably order. It's a big menu, so if you need guidance... JESS: I'm not hungry. LOGAN: You're not hungry? JESS: Nope. LOGAN: I thought the whole point was you two were going to get something to eat? RORY: And talk. LOGAN: Well, yes, it's a given that you're gonna talk while you eat. You know, chef de cuisine will gladly make anything you want if nothing there appeals. RORY: The burgers are good here. JESS: Maybe a burger. LOGAN: Get one of those fancy ones, too, and it's on me, so don't let the price stop you. JESS: I'll pay for my own. (looking through his menu) LOGAN: Good man. (reading his menu) So, how long have you two known each other? JESS: (closes the menu) A while. LOGAN: You date? RORY: Yes. We used to date. LOGAN: Ah! No hemming. No hawing. Good course of action. (closes his menu) So, were you two high school sweethearts? Rock around the clock, two straws in the milkshake? RORY: Logan. LOGAN: Hey, did we cheers? I don't think we cheered. That's bad luck. Let's cheers. JESS: I think we did already, twice. LOGAN: Well, let's do it again. Cheers. RORY and JESS: Cheers. (they cling their glasses and drink) LOGAN: So...what do you do, Jess? JESS: Oh, this and that. LOGAN: Describe the "this". Describe the "that". RORY: He writes. LOGAN: You write? Impressive. What do you write? JESS: Nothing important. RORY: He wrote a book. LOGAN: Oh, you penned the great American novel, Jess? JESS: Wasn't quite that ambitious. LOGAN: So, what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length or longer? Dos Passos, Tolstoy? Or longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I? JESS: You seem very obsessed with length. LOGAN: I'm just trying to get a picture in my head, that's all. RORY: It's a short novel. LOGAN: (at Rory) Any good? RORY: I haven't read it yet. LOGAN: Yet? Well, at least you'll have one reader. That's something. JESS: Yeah. LOGAN: You know, I should just write down all my random thoughts and stuff that happens to me and conversations I have and just add a bunch of "he said, she said"-'s, and get it published. You got a copy on you? JESS: No. LOGAN: You should send me a copy. JESS: Sure. And where do I send it? The blond dick at Yale? RORY: Jess. (Jess picks up his coat and get up) LOGAN: Whoa, whoa. We're just trying to keep it friendly here, buddy. (Logan gets up and blocks his way) JESS: Get out of my way. (Jess by-passes him and walks out. Rory gets up and follows Jess) LOGAN: Forget him, Rory. RORY: Don't follow me. (CUT to outside Rich Mans' Shoe, continuous. Jess is leaving and Rory runs up to him) RORY: Jess, wait. (he stops and turns to look at her) Jess, I'm sorry. JESS: We shouldn't have done this. RORY: He's just in a bad way lately. JESS: He's a jerk. RORY: He was. In there, definitely. I'm so sorry. JESS: I read that guy the second I saw him. I should have begged off. RORY: Well, I didn't want you to. JESS: He better not come out here. RORY: Please, Jess. He had a lot to drink. He's tired from travelling. This isn't him. I swear. JESS: What the hell is going on? RORY: I told you. He's tired, and his family's bugging him right now. JESS: No, no. I mean with you. What's going on with you? RORY: What do you mean? JESS: You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you. RORY: I don't know. JESS: What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale...why did you drop out of Yale?! RORY: It's complicated. JESS: It's not! It's not complicated. RORY: You don't know. JESS: This isn't you. This, you going out with this jerk, with the Porsche. We made fun of guys like this. RORY: You caught him on a bad night. JESS: This isn't about him. Okay, screw him. What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on? RORY: I don't know. I don't know. JESS: Hey, uh... may-may-maybe we'll catch up at a better time. (he starts to leave, but stops and turns) Happy birthday, by the way. Wasn't that a couple weeks ago, your birthday? (Rory nods. Jess nods back, smiles and leaves. Rory watches him go for a bit and re-enters the pub angry and determined) (CUT to inside Rich Man's Shoe, continuous. Rory comes in and walks up to the table and Logan, who is sitting drinking from his glass. She does not sit but hoover's over him) LOGAN: You're not gonna believe this. Over the music, the crowd, I hear one girl's voice cutting through it all, the folk singer. She's in the corner with her boyfriend. I sent them over a round of drinks. What the hell? He gone? RORY: Yes, he's gone. LOGAN: Writers are so sensitive. RORY: You were a jerk, Logan. LOGAN: I was just challenging him. Jeez. Hey, if Hemingway can take it, so can he. Hey, if he wanted to, he could have taken a pop at me. Pugnacity! It's a vital component of literary life. Again, consult your Hemingway. Come on. Do not let this guy get to you. RORY: You're getting to me. LOGAN: Me? RORY: Yes. You were an ass. LOGAN: Look, I'm sorry I came back early. I really messed things up here. RORY: Jess wrote a book. He wrote a book, and you mocked him. LOGAN: I did not mock him. RORY: He's doing something. LOGAN: Good. Fine. He's doing something. Everybody in the world's doing something. More power to him. RORY: I'm not. I mean, what am I doing? I'm living with my grandparents. LOGAN: That's temporary. Have a drink. RORY: Temporary can turn into forever. LOGAN: You're not living with the Gilmore's forever. RORY: I'm palling with my grandmother and being waited on by a maid. I come home, and my shoes are magically shined. My clothes are magically clean, ironed, and laid out. My bed is magically turned down. I'm in the DAR? I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties? LOGAN: Again, temporary. Have a drink. RORY: And wasting my time partying and drinking, just hanging out doing nothing. LOGAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. (he gets up) Don't pull me into this. RORY: I didn't say anything about you. LOGAN: Yes, you did. Don't make me feel guilty for your drinking and partying. That's your choice. I'm not forcing you. When I ask you out, you can say no. RORY: It's all we do. LOGAN: It's not all we do. RORY: It's all you do. LOGAN: Well, it's my prerogative, you know. You're damn straight. I'm gonna party. I'm gonna do it while I have the chance because come June, my life is over. RORY: Oh, yes, your horrible life. Let's hear about it. LOGAN: Got a week? RORY: You have every door open to you. You have opportunities that anyone would kill for, including me. LOGAN: No one's stopping you from making whatever you want happen. Go into journalism. Go into politics. Be a doctor. Be a clown. Do whatever you want. RORY: It's not as easy when it's not handed to you. LOGAN: Really? It's all so easy for me? (getting upset) I don't want that life. It's forced on me. You talk about all these doors being open? All I see is one door, and I'm being pushed through it. I have no choice. You try living without options. RORY: How hard are you fighting it? LOGAN: I didn't tell you to quit Yale. You did that. I gave you one month, you went beyond that month, and it had nothing to do with me. It was all you. Now, you want to change? Change it, but don't blame me. Don't you dare blame me. You know what? Why don't you go off with John, Jack, whatever his name is? RORY: Oh, I'm not going off with Jess. (Logan sighs tired form the fight) LOGAN: Come on. RORY: Where? LOGAN: Let's go. I want to go. I don't want to be here. RORY: I don't want to go. LOGAN: Well, I drove you here, and I want to go! RORY: (determined) I don't want to go. LOGAN: Fine. (takes some money and throws it on the table) That'll cover the bill, cab. Do whatever you want. It's your choice. (Logan leaves and Rory is left alone watching him go) (CUT to, Gilmore Mansion, morning. Emily walks up to Rory's room and knocks on the door) EMILY: Rory, it's 7:30. (no answer so she knocks again) Rory? (she opens the door and enters) (CUT to inside Rory's room continuous. Emily walks in and looks around, worried, in the empty room and made bed) (CUT to Lorelai's house, morning. Luke is sleeping in Lorelai's bed in the living room. He reaches out to Lorelai and doesn't feel her in the bed so he wakes up and sits up in bed) LUKE: Lorelai? (no answer so he gets out of bed, and starts making his way to Rory's room looking around for Lorelai. He reaches Rory's bedroom door, looks in and enters) (CUT to inside Rory's room, continuous. Luke makes his way to the armchair Lorelai is sleeping in. Paul Anka in on Rory's bed also resting, wearing his "Bobcats" jersey. Luke sits on the floor next to Lorelai who wakes up abruptly after he nudges her. She looks tired and is in verge of tears) LORELAI: Is he okay? LUKE: Yeah. He looks the same. LORELAI: Is he breathing? LUKE: He's breathing. LORELAI: Nice and steady? LUKE: He's fast asleep. LORELAI: Good. LUKE: You been here all night? LORELAI: Uh, I kept thinking I heard him. LUKE: Yeah, he does snore occasionally. LORELAI: And then he was cold, so I put his jersey on him. LUKE: Yeah, I think he likes it. LORELAI: Yeah. Every time I'd go back up to bed, you know, after checking on him, I just was convinced that he needed me, so I came back, and finally I just ended up here. LUKE: Ah, it's as good a place as any. LORELAI: Yeah. He doesn't want to eat anything. I had all these milk-bones ready for him, but he doesn't want anything. LUKE: What's the baster for? LORELAI: In case he's thirsty, but he can't lift his head, so I can just shoot water in his mouth. LUKE: Got it. LORELAI: (sighs) Doesn't seem to want anything. LUKE: He's gonna be okay. He's strong. LORELAI: He's so helpless. It must be so awful to be sick when you're a dog... 'cause you can't run or play and you don't watch TV or do anything to pass the time. Watching a lot of TV is the only good part about being sick. LUKE: I know. LORELAI: And the thing with the shoes. He was trying to tell me something. LUKE: What? LORELAI: He was trying to tell me to put my shoes on and take him to the vet because he felt something coming on, and he was trying to ward it off, and I didn't take him. LUKE: I don't think that's why he was playing with your shoes. LORELAI: I tried so hard. I have a list of things that he's afraid of on the fridge, and I tried to do the right thing. I should not have so socialized him at Kirk's doggy day care the other day. I should have taken him to the best doggy day care in the country, even if it was in Seattle. That's where I should have taken him. LUKE: He's fine hanging with Kirk. LORELAI: I did this wrong. I did this all wrong. How could I have let this happen? How did I not see it coming? How didn't I step in and do something, and...why can't I fix these things? LUKE: Hey. (he starts playing with her hair trying to comfort her) LORELAI: (really starting to loose it now) I'm a bad mother! LUKE: You're not a bad mother. Oh. Did you sleep at all? LORELAI: A little. LUKE: You stay home this morning. I'll call Sookie and tell her you'll be late. He's gonna be okay. LORELAI: I hope so. (Luke reaches up to her and kisses her head) LUKE: Everything's gonna be okay. (they sit and watch Paul Anka) (CUT to Lane's apartment, morning. Rory walks in the kitchen from Lane's bedroom and walks up to Lane) LANE: Good morning, friend. RORY: Back at you, friend. Where are the guys? LANE: Uh, they go to work early. I made you coffee. RORY: Oh, I've got time for a sip. (Lane bring the pot and a mug and starts pouring) Thanks for letting me crash here. LANE: Anytime you want. RORY: I might take you up on that. LANE: I can't wait to hear the whole story. RORY: (after a long sip) Still living it. LANE: So, I got a message on my cell phone, from your grandmother. RORY: On your cell phone? LANE: How did she get the number? RORY: Ugh. She's Emily Gilmore. I gotta run. Bye. (starts gathering her things) LANE: Drive carefully. (Rory exits) (CUT to the Russian tea party. Waiters are serving tea and a traditional Russian band is playing music. Emily enters the hall looking around with an angry determined look. She spots Rory and walks up to her. Rory is giving instructions to one of the waiters) RORY: A fresh platter is all we need. Thanks. EMILY: I need to go somewhere and have a little talk with you. RORY: Later, Grandma. I'm needed out here. EMILY: Young lady, I insist that we go somewhere and talk right now. RORY: Grandma, I am sorry. I can't. EMILY: There's a kitchen here. We'll go there. RORY: No. I'm not going to the kitchen with you. We'll talk later. EMILY: Must they play those damn guitars? RORY: They're balalaikas. EMILY: They're too loud. RORY: They're Russian, and they're not mic'ed. That's their volume. EMILY: I'm not liking this tone of yours. RORY: Well, you're forcing the tone, Grandma. I said I'll talk to you later, but right now, I'm not leaving this room. (walks off, making her way through the hall and Emily follows her) EMILY: Where were you last night? Why didn't you call? RORY: You're overreacting. EMILY: You're not wearing your dress. RORY: I didn't have time to go home. EMILY: You almost missed the event. RORY: No. I was early for the event. What I missed was your inspection of me back at the house. That's what you're upset about. EMILY: My inspections, missy, are for your own good. You're new to the DAR. You don't know the proper procedure for things, the proper dress. RORY: I do okay. EMILY: This is not just about me. Everyone was worried about you. RORY: You mean everyone you called when you took my private address book and tried to find me? EMILY: Yes, I did call people. RORY: Well, you shouldn't have. EMILY: A lot of good it did. You should update that ridiculous address book of yours. Half the numbers were disconnected. RORY: Oh, I'll do that. EMILY: You have people in there you haven't spoken to for years. You should remove them. RORY: Uh-huh. EMILY: I'm throwing that book out. RORY: Do not throw that book out. EMILY: Do not use that tone with me. RORY: I want to be very clear. EMILY: You are becoming more like your mother with every passing day. RORY: And you are becoming more like my mother's mother with every passing day. EMILY: That's it! That's it! RORY: What's it? EMILY: You're grounded. RORY: Grounded? EMILY: Yes. RORY: I'm 21. You can't ground me. EMILY: And no more sleepovers at Paris' house. RORY: Grandma, I go wherever I want, whenever I want. And I haven't been sleeping at Paris' house three nights a week. I've been at Logan's. EMILY: When your father gets home, we're going to talk about the house rules and be on the same page once and for all. RORY: You mean my grandfather. EMILY: You know what I meant. RORY: Well, I'd have to be living at the house to have house rules. EMILY: What does that mean? RORY: Excuse me. (turns around and walks away in a huff) EMILY: (calling after her) Young lady, do not walk away from me. (Emily seeing as the conversation is over starts to leave, obviously upset, as the band keeps on playing) END Of Episode 6.08 - Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out	Plan: A: Rory's old flame; Q: Who is Jess? A: hers; Q: Which life did Jess criticize? A: the DAR; Q: What organization did Jess join after dropping out of Yale? A: Luke; Q: Who sponsors a girls' soccer team? A: Lorelai; Q: Who projects her feelings about being a bad mother onto her dog? Summary: Rory's old flame Jess returns with exciting news about his life - and some criticism about hers (such as dropping out of Yale and joining the DAR). Luke sponsors a girls' soccer team. Lorelai projects her feelings about being a bad mother onto her dog.
"Crazy" 17th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 1ADA16 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode starts out in the Crashdown's kitchen where Michael is cooking) Michael: Ladies, food doesn't taste better cold, all right? Push the special. I'm tired of flipping burgers. (Max and Isabel enter the Crashdown) Liz: Would you? (Maria nods) Liz: Thanks. Table 5. Maria: Is that so hard? Michael: What? Maria: Acting like a real couple, kissing, arms around each other's shoulders, actually excited to see one another. Michael: Overrated. Liz: Look, if we leave right now, we can make the 7:35. I won't even change. Isabel: Leave? We just got here. Max: We kind of planned on seeing a movie. Liz: Maria, would you mind? Maria: Go ahead. Liz: Thank you. Maria: Live the life I so desperately want. Michael: It's kind of immature, really. Maria: Really. Michael: Just a couple of horndogs looking for a place to make out. I mean, we don't need that. We got my apartment, you know? Isabel: I guess I'll just have the special. Michael/Maria: Uhh...we're closing early. (Max and Liz are kissing in Max's jeep in a secluded woodsy area) Liz: Do you mind missing the movie? Max: I heard it got bad reviews. (Someone runs up to the jeep and starts banging on the window) Topolsky: You're in danger, all of you. Max: What are you talking about? Topolsky: The best way to protect yourselves is to just act like normal kids. Max: We are normal kids. Topolsky: Ok. I think I was followed. Don't trust anyone. I'll find you again. Liz: Topolsky. (Opening Credits) (Michael and Maria are making out on Michael's couch in his apartment) Michael: Maria. Maria. Maria: Michael. Oh, Michael. Max. Michael: What? Maria: Look. Michael: What the hell are you guys doing here? Liz: Topolsky. Isabel: She's back. Liz: She practically just attacked us in the car at Buckley Point. Maria: I thought you went to the movies. Liz: It had bad reviews. Max: She said we were in danger...all of us. And to just act normal until she contacts us again. Alex: Would that be, you know, alien normal, or just plain "we're the subjects of an FBI manhunt" normal? Michael: This sounds wrong, like some sort of trap. Liz: No, Michael. She was really scared. I believed her. Michael: Yeah. Let me remind you, Liz, that you believed her the first time, too. Alex: Hey, you want to know what? Where would you be if Liz and I didn't stick our necks out to expose her? Isabel: Ok. Just calm down, all right? Alex: Do you really think she's here to warn us? Liz: She wasn't the same person she was before. You know, and the way that she was talking, she seemed like she was just as scared for herself as she is for us. Alex: Then I say we listen. Michael: I say we don't! All right, it's just a new tactic. She scares us, makes us think we need help, and all we're really doing is admitting who we are. All right? I don't trust her, and none of us should. Max: Whether we trust her or not, it doesn't hurt to take her advice. We're normal teenage kids. No one says the word "alien" or talks about this in public. Anybody could be watching. And I think we should keep this here. It's the safest place we've got right now. Maria: I can't believe she's back. I thought this was all over with. (At school, Alex and Isabel are sitting at a table during lunchtime) Alex: So, you've noticed them, too, huh? Liz and Max and Michael and Maria. Isabel: It's kind of hard not to with all the face-sucking going on. Alex: Yeah. But, um...listen, Isabel. I've been thinking. I mean, face-sucking aside, it'd be kind of nice to have someone...someone to hang out with, one on one. You know, someone who you understand, and you share common bonds with. I mean, like a friend, but... Tess: Can I join you? Alex: Actually, we were in the m--the middle of something. Isabel: You're the new girl, right? Tess: If you're busy, I could... Isabel: No. Have a seat. Join us. Sit down. Tess: Thanks. I'm Tess. Isabel: Isabel. This is Alex. Tess: Hi. Alex: Hi. So, welcome to Roswell. Tess: I always hate the first day at a new school. Isabel: Done this before? Tess: Only about a hundred times. Everyone's always so nice. Alex: Is that a bad thing? Tess: Well, the guys are usually nice because they want to jump my bones. And the girls are usually nice because they want to find out if I want to jump their boyfriends' bones. You must get that a lot. Isabel: Yeah. How about the girls who hang out with you to meet a better class of guys? Tess: Or the guys who say they understand you and really just want to be your friend, but all they really want is 15 minutes alone with you in the janitor's closet. Isabel: We have an eraser room. Tess: Thanks for the warning. Isabel: Oh, my God. I do that, too. Tess: Good. I can't stand people who use fake sugar. Nothing can ever be too sweet. Don't you think? Isabel: Let me see your schedule. I wonder if we have any classes together. Tess: I don't know. I've got English. Isabel: Phys. Ed together. (At the Evans home, Michael is asking Max for advice) Michael: So, now she says what we've got isn't good enough. She wants more. Max: You mean like... Michael: No. If that's what she wanted, would I be here talking to you? She wants the romance thing. The thing that you and Liz got. Max: Is that what you want? Michael: I just want to make her happy. And you're gonna tell me how to do it. Max: It's not like there's a handbook. Michael: I'm serious, Max. Things are getting frosty. She went to the French club meeting today instead of meeting me in the eraser room. The French club...what the hell is that? Max: All right...romantic. When you're with her, act like she's like the only girl in the room. Michael: She's usually the only other person in the room. Max: That's a good start. Um, try taking her out...someplace nice. And, uh, surprises...they love surprises. Like, you know, little things, like a note in her locker, or a flower in the middle of the day. Tess: How do you know women so well? Don't let me stop you. This is fascinating. Max: Who are you? Isabel: She's my friend. Michael: How come we've never met her before? Isabel: God, Michael, could you be any more rude? Tess: Actually, it's kind of refreshing. I'm Tess. Isabel: This is my brother Max and our friend Michael. Tess: Nice to meet you. Isabel: Here you go. I'll meet you back in my room. Tess: Don't forget the extra sugar. Isabel: Ok. What's wrong with you guys? She just moved here. I'm helping her catch up. Michael: She looked pretty caught up to me. Topolsky was a plant when she showed up at school. This girl could be, too. Isabel: She's a transfer student, Michael. Max: She's a stranger, Isabel. Isabel: Well, it's not like I'm going to fall in love with her and tell her our secret and compromise our very existence. I thought we were supposed to be acting normal, right? Heck of a job you two just did. (A flower deliveryperson shows up at the Crashdown) Delivery Guy: I've got a delivery for one of the waitresses. Maria: Really? De Luca? Delivery Guy: Uh, Parker...Liz Parker. Maria: Oh. Just let me have 'em. Delivery Guy: You're Liz Parker? Maria: What, I don't look like a girl who gets flowers everyday? Delivery Guy: Your tag says Maria. Maria: Just give me the flowers. Go. No tip. (Maria walks over to Liz) Maria: Hey, Gidget. You got some flowers from moondoggie. Liz: I did? Oh, my God. Wow. (Maria looks over Liz's shoulder as Liz opens the note) Liz: Maria. Maria: Come on. Just let me see what I'm missing, please. Liz: He's so romantic. He wants me to meet him at the restaurant where we had our first date. He just keeps on getting more and more wonderful every day. Maria: Mr. Wonderful. (Liz arrives at Senor Chow's) Liz: Hello? Hostess: Oh, hello. How many? Liz: Uh, 2, please. Hostess: Ok. Here you go. Liz: Thank you. (Topolsky-in-disguise slides into the seat across from Liz) Topolsky: Don't draw attention to us. Just stay focused, Liz. It's the only way we're gonna make it through this. Liz: Why are you following us? We haven't done anything wrong. Topolsky: You can play that game all night, or you can listen to me and maybe save all of our lives. You're smart. I knew you were the one I could get through to. They don't know I'm here. If they did... Liz: Who's they? Topolsky: The people I work for. Liz: The FBI. Topolsky: It's more complicated than that. I've learned things, seen things...that no one would believe. Sometimes I don't even believe them myself. Liz: Where have you been all of this time? Topolsky: To hell. And I've come out to warn you. There's a hunter, an alien hunter. He's buried deep inside the FBI. Even the president and the director are on a need-to-know basis only. Do you understand what I am saying? He answers to no one. And he will stop at nothing to get what he's looking for. Liz: What is he looking for? Topolsky: Max Evans...and anyone he thinks is involved with him. All 6 of your names are on that list. You have to believe me. Liz: I believe you. Topolsky: I knew you would. We can't be seen together, do you understand? Meet me tomorrow night, behind the theater at 8:00. I'll know more by then. (Liz sees Max the next day in a hallway at school) Max: Hey. What's wrong? Liz: Um, Max...I saw Topolsky last night. Max: You met her? Liz: No. I thought that I was meeting you. Max: She tricked you? Liz: Max, come on. Just stop it, all right? Max: Don't you see what she's doing? Liz: Look, Max...I really think we should just trust her. Max: No. No one is trying to help us. Just stay away from her. Liz: Max, it's not just about you guys anymore, ok? Maria, Alex, and I...we're on that list, too. I think that we should just all have a say in all of this. Max: What list? (The whole gang meets at a quarry-like area to discuss Topolsky) Alex: So, she wore a wig, huh? Liz: Alex, I mean, she was so scared. I've never seen anyone that scared before. Alex: Taken a look at me lately? Michael: Don't you get it? This is exactly what she wants. She has spooked the 3 of you. And now she's waiting for you to deliver the 3 of us straight to the FBI. Liz: No, Michael. It's not 3 and 3 anymore. It's the 6 of us now. We need to start making our decisions that way. Isabel: There's no decision to be made. We trust no one. We never have, and we never will. God, if you think you can even begin to understand what it's like to be us in this... Max: I think we're all a little on edge right now, Isabel. Isabel: Max, if there's a hunter out there, who do you think he's coming for first? Michael: There is no hunter out there, ok? This is insane. Can't you people smell a set-up, or am I the only one thinking straight here? Maria: Why don't we put it to a vote? Do we meet Topolsky again or not? Alex: I say we meet, hear what she has to say. Isabel: I say we stay away. Max: I have to agree with Isabel. Michael: You know my vote. Liz: But if anything happens to any of you, I...I think that's why we need to meet her. I think we need protection, Max. Michael: Great. It's a tie. Hell of a lot of good that did us. Maria: No. I...I don't think we should go. I mean, if you guys feel that strongly about it, who are we to tell Topolsky anything about you? Michael: 4-2, we stay away. (Alex walks off visibly frustrated, and everyone leaves except Maria and Michael) Michael: Thanks for seeing it my way. Maria: I just really want this to be over with. (Topolsky waits behind the theatre but Liz doesn't show up) (Sheriff Valenti enters his office late at night and notices someone is waiting for him in the darkness) Sheriff: You left without saying good-bye, Ms. Topolsky. You ok? Topolsky: I'll never be ok again. Sheriff: You here to tell me about it? Topolsky: I'm here because they won't listen to me. Sheriff: Who? Topolsky: Max, Liz...none of them. Sheriff: You're finally admitting the FBI's investigating these kids. Topolsky: It's much worse than that. Sheriff: You look like you could use a drink, Kathleen. What do you say we go somewhere? Topolsky: No! No. Look, everything stays a secret now, or I will never make it out of this. Sheriff: Make it out of what? Topolsky: Did you really think you could kill Everett Hubble and not send up a red flag? Sheriff: What do you know about Hubble? Topolsky: UFO nut...they all get tracked. He found out about Max, didn't he? At the convention. That's why you had to kill him. You're protecting those kids, too, now, aren't you? Sheriff: All right. Why don't you just tell me what the hell you're talking about? Topolsky: When my cover was blown, I was sent back to Washington. That's when I found out about the special unit. Alien hunters. Sheriff: In the FBI? Topolsky: I was the first agent to make direct contact with...with the subject. I spent 4 weeks being debriefed by the agent in charge. His name is Pierce. And after what he did to me, I'd hate to see how he'd treat the enemy. When it was over, that's when he told me I was theirs for life. Once you know about the unit, you don't get out. Sheriff: Sounds elite. So, what's the problem? Topolsky: The problem is they kill people, and there is no one to stop them. And that is not why I became an agent, Jim. Sheriff: So, the FBI thinks that Max Evans is an alien. Why don't they swoop in and pick him up? Topolsky: Why haven't you? No solid proof. Fear of what he might do. He's not the only one, you know. Sheriff: This is getting a little far-fetched, i think. Topolsky: Look, your name is on that list. And you're not the first person he's destroyed over this. Now, I am trying to save your lives here, but if you don't want my help... Sheriff: Wait, wait. Hold on. Whoa, whoa. Hold on. Maybe we can get you some help. Topolsky: I already told you...it is too late for that. And if you don't believe me, why don't you try asking your friend Agent Stevens what happened to him when he tried to get out? Pierce made an example out of him for the rest of us. Piece...by piece. Get them to trust me. It's the only way. (Topolsky leaves and Valenti calls Agent Stevens) Operator: Federal Bureau of Investigation, how may I direct your call? Sheriff: Yeah. I need to speak to agent John Stevens, please. Operator: I'm sorry...but Agent Stevens no longer works for the Bureau. Would you care to try someone else? Sheriff: No. No. Thank you. (Valenti calls up Agent Stevens' home number) Woman: Hello? Sheriff: Yeah. Uh, listen, I'm sorry to call you so late, ma'am. I need to speak to John Stevens, though, please. Woman: Who is this? Why don't you know? My husband's dead. Why don't they just tell everybody for God's sake? Sheriff: Ma'am, I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Crashdown, Michael is behind on his cooking) Maria: How many light-years away is my Eclipse Burger? Michael: Depends how they feel about raw. Maria: I put that order in 10 minutes ago. Michael: Well, you can't rush an Eclipse. Liz: Hey, I need that Chili Rocket Dog, Michael. Michael: I got a lot on my mind. Here, give 'em an order of Saturn Rings while they're waitin'. That'll shut 'em up. Maria: Typical. Michael: What? Maria: Your reaction. You can't deliver to a customer what they want, so you substitute it with an inferior item just to get them off your back. Michael: What's that supposed to mean? Maria: It means, Michael, that I'm not gonna settle for the Saturn Rings anymore. If you want me, you have to earn me. That's how a relationship works. Michael: No, Maria, that's how Boy Scout merit badges work. Liz: Hey, have you guys noticed that there's a restaurant full of people waiting for actual food? Michael: What are you and Max doing tonight? Liz: Oh, we're just gonna stay at home. Try and keep a low profile. Michael: Act like we got nothing to hide, remember? Maria: What do you mean? Michael: We should go out tonight. The 4 of us. Maria/Liz: What?!? Michael: That way, if someone is really watching us, we won't give 'em anything to be suspicious about. Hot dog. Maria: I thought you didn't believe Topolsky. Michael: You want what Max and Liz have, don't you? Maria: Well, yeah. Yeah. I just thought we'd try it on our own. Michael: One step at a time. Michael: I hate this job. (Scene shifts to the UFO Center) Man: 2 nuns working at St. Mary's Hospital in Roswell were finishing their shift about midnight when they saw a bright explosion to the northwest. Sheriff: Odd-looking fella. Didn't mean to startle you. Max: You didn't. Sheriff: You must get a lot of strangers around here. Max: Everyday. Sheriff: You better be careful about that. Max: What do you mean, Sheriff? Sheriff: Oh, you know, the crazies. People coming up to you out of the blue, filling your head up with all sorts of conspiracy theories, that sort of thing. You know, like Hubble. Max: Are you saying I shouldn't believe that kind of stuff? Sheriff: No, I'm just saying that a guy like you needs to be careful, that's all. Roswell attracts all kinds. You never know who's gonna turn out to be your friend or your enemy. Now, you take me, for example. I'm the law. Now, most normal teenage boys might think of me as the enemy...always cracking down on them, waiting for them to make a mistake. On the other hand, I'm here to protect them. Just like I protected you from Hubble the other night. In fact, sometimes I might be the only person that they should trust in this town. Max: I'll be ok, Sheriff. Sheriff: Listen, if anybody bothers you or one of your friends, you let me know. All right? But you don't need to worry. You're just a kid going about your daily routine. Max: I've heard that a lot lately. Sheriff: Well, that's probably good advice, then. Max: Thank you, Sheriff. (Alex walks into the employee area of the Crashdown looking for Liz and Maria) Alex: Oh, whoa! Peep shows! Maria: Ooh, Alex. Don't worry. It's nothing you haven't seen before. Alex: Ah, well, don't be too sure. So, um, in this bag I have tonight's entertainment. I got a box of raisinettes and Scream 2. Liz/Maria: Hated it. Alex: Ok, well, that's why my chick flick back-up rental was Notting Hill. Liz: Ok, Alex, you can turn around now. Alex: So, my place or yours? Liz: Oh, um, neither. Maria: We're going for Mexican with Max and Michael. Alex: I thought we decided to stay low, you know, with everything that's been going on? Oh, great. Everyone's invited but me. Liz: No, I don't think Isabel's coming. Alex: Maybe I can talk some sense into her. Liz: Hi. Max: Hi. This is for you. Liz: Oh, thank you. It's bubble bath. Max: It's supposed to make your skin soft. Liz: Thanks. Michael: This is for you. Maria: Shampoo. Michael: Shampoo AND conditioner in one. Maria: It's a real timesaver. Max: We should get going. Liz: Ok. (Michael awkwardly takes Maria hand and pulls her outside) Alex: So you agree with them? Isabel: Alex, you have to stop. We can't show weakness. Alex: What, you think I'm being weak because I don't want anything bad to happen to you? I mean, to us? To all of us? Isabel: You really do want to protect me, don't you? Alex: I'd do anything. Isabel: Nobody's ever said that to me before. I mean, except for Max and Michael, but they're my brothers, so... Alex: Isabel, I meant what I said...about having somebody. I mean...everything gets easier once you're not alone. Isabel: I've just always thought that if I, um, if I let someone in it would make me too... Alex: Vulnerable? Isabel: I'm just not sure that I can afford that right now. Alex: How about starting slow, huh? A video date? Notting Hill. It's a great chick flick. Tess: Yeah, but he didn't deserve her. What a little English wimp, don't you think? Hi, Al. Alex: Uhh...it's not Al. It's Alex. Tess: I am so un-hungry right now. Why don't we just go back to your place, and I'll start on your hair. Alex: You 2 have plans? Tess: Girls' night. Alex: Guess I've got the wrong hormones for that. Isabel: See you later, Alex. Alex: Yeah. (Alex leaves the Crashdown and starts walking home when a sinister looking car pulls up next to him) Passenger: Alex? You're Alex Whitman, aren't you? It's ok, Alex. Topolsky sent me. She knows you'd want to see her...hear what she has to say. Alex: Why didn't she just come herself? Passenger: I'll take you to her. She'll explain everything. Don't worry. I'm on your side. Get in the car. Sheriff: Anything wrong here? (Sinister car drives off) Sheriff: Hitchhiking's never a good idea. Come on. I'll give you a ride home. No questions asked. (Alex nods and gets into Sheriff Valenti's cruiser) Liz: So, this has been really fun. Michael: Yeah, it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. Maria: Every girl's dream. Waitress: Here you go. You can pay me whenever you're ready. Michael: You're gonna have to get this one 'cause i don't get paid till Tuesday. (Maria leaves the table and stops next to the window) (Max kicks Michael under the table) Michael: You know, this whole dating thing really bites. (Michael leaves the table and walks toward Maria) Michael: What did I do now? Maria: Michael, you have no table manners, and all you do is talk about yourself, and you have absolutely no regard for anyone else around you. I mean, if you get a girl shampoo, at least don't get her the generic kind, you know? Michael: How am I supposed to know what brand of shampoo you use? Maria: You just don't get it, do you? Michael: What i want to know is, if I'm such a loser, then why do you want to be with me? (Michael returns to his apartment to find it ransacked. Topolsky is waiting in the shadows) Topolsky: If I give you proof, will you believe me then? Michael: Get out of my house. Topolsky: I know what this is. Michael: That's a paperweight. Topolsky: It's a communicator, and there's another one just like it. I took it from the special unit evidence vault back in Washington. Now, I know they only work when they're together, so if I bring you the other one, if I risk my life for you...I need to know that you will take me with you when your people come to get you. Michael: You're crazy. Topolsky: No, Michael, look. We are all going to die. And it's not going to be pleasant. We only have one chance. I will meet you tomorrow night at Buckley Point with the other communicator. If you ignore me this time, there won't be a next time. (Everyone is gathered at the quarry-like area again to discuss what happened to Alex) Michael: You didn't see his face? Alex: No. Liz: What about his voice? Did you recognize it? Alex: If I knew anything more, don't you think I'd tell you? Isabel: Just leave him alone. He's been through enough. Max: Just tell me what Valenti said to you again. Alex: It's not what he said. It's how he said it. And how he knew to be there. It's like he's on our side or something. Max: There are 5 people in the world that I trust, and they're all standing right here. We can't let anyone else in. Not Valenti. Not Topolsky. Not even a new girl at school. No matter how tempting it is. Alex: It's real what she says. There was something about that guy in that car. It's like our lives are in danger. Liz: We don't know what part of her stories are true. Max: That's why we talk to no one. Agreed? Alex: Yeah. (Everyone leaves except Michael and Maria) Maria: I'm sorry. Michael: Why? Maria: For that whole "being the perfect boyfriend" thing. After what happened to Alex last night, that's just, like, not what's important to me at all. So, if that's why you're acting strange, you can just stop. It's over. I mean...just go back to being your usual self. Michael: Come here. If anything happens, I mean, to me, I just want you to know that... Maria: I know. Nothing's gonna happen to you. (Dinnertime at the Crashdown) Isabel: I hope you don't mind, I mean, just hanging out for awhile. I didn't want to be alone tonight. Alex: Me neither. (In the back room of the Crashdown, Michael is looking for something in Maria's locker) Maria: Hey, what are you doing going through my locker? Michael: I need to borrow your car. Maria: Really? For what? Michael: Don't ask. I just gotta go somewhere, all right? Maria: Not without telling me. Michael: Give me that! Leave me alone! Maria: What is that? Michael: It's nothing. Maria: It's that thing...that orb. Michael: Shhh! Maria: What are you doing with the orb? Where are you going with it? You're supposed to keep it in your apartment for safety, remember? Michael: Yeah, so? Maria: Wait a minute. You're going to meet Topolsky, aren't you? After everything you said to the others... Michael: Yeah, well...just don't tell them, all right? I gotta do this thing, but it's safer if I do it alone. Maria: I'm going. Michael: No! Maria: Hello, Sheriff? Hi. My car's been stolen. Michael: You're staying in the car with your head down. Maria: Where are we going? Michael: We're going to Buckley Point. Maria: I need a jacket. Michael: Hurry up! (Liz is looking for Maria and goes to search the back room) Liz: You guys? What are you guys doing back there? What's going on? (Maria has left Liz a note: "Meeting Topolsky at Buckley Point. Hurry" Maria: I don't think this is such a good idea. Michael: You already mentioned that. Maria: Y-you're the one who...who thought that she was gonna trap us. Michael: She knew what the orb was. Maria: It had the symbol on it. She could've just been guessing. Michael: No, Maria...this is real. We're getting close to something. Maria: Yeah, our grisly deaths. Look, Michael, I'm really scared, ok, and I don't want to go through with this anymore. Michael: I told you, you can stay in the car. Maria: Pull over. Let me out. Michael: I can't leave you out in the middle of nowhere! Maria: Fine, then take me back! I'm not kidding. You can't make me go through with this. You can't put me in danger like this. Not if I don't want to go! (Liz, Max, Isabel, and Alex are in Max's jeep hot on Michael's trail) Max: There's only one road up here. Liz: They can't be more than 10 minutes ahead of us, Max. Just go fast. Alex: Look, I don't get it. Why would he go and do this after we all agreed? Isabel: Because he's Michael. Max: That's no excuse this time! Michael: Hey! Maria: Michael, it's a mistake, and if you're too stupid not to protect yourself, I'm gonna have to do it for you! Michael: This is not your decision to make! This is mine. Maria: It's not just about you! What you do affects me. That's how relationships work, and whether you like it or not, we are in a relationship! OK, so go ahead and hate me, but I'm not gonna let you get hurt. I care about you too much. Michael: Maria, I have been waiting for this my whole life. Maria: So have I! (Headlights appear suddenly) Michael: Run, go on! Run! Get out of here! Go! Maria: No, I am not gonna leave you! (Max approaches Michael) Max: Give it to me. Michael: Topolsky says it's a communicator. Max: I said give it to me! We trusted you with it, and you blew it. Michael: It does something when it's with another one, and I gotta find out what it is! Max: No one can know we have that! (Max punches Michael in the face) Michael: You hit me? You hit me! Max: Somebody had to knock some sense into you! Isabel: No. Michael: Damn you! (More headlights appear. Sheriff Valenti and Dr. Margolin step out of their respective vehicles) Doctor: I'm sorry, but Ms. Topolsky won't be meeting you tonight...or any other night. Michael: So she wasn't lying. You killed her, and now you're here to kill us? Sheriff: No, Michael. He's not. This man is from Bethesda, Maryland. His name is Dr. Malcolm Margolin. He stopped by my office this morning...explained a few things about Ms. Topolsky. Doctor: I've been treating Kathleen for the last 6 weeks. Sheriff: Dr. Margolin is a psychiatric specialist. Doctor: She had a breakdown. She's paranoid delusional. That means that she's desperately afraid of things that don't exist...to the point that she makes up elaborate scenarios to justify the fears that she has. Sheriff: Doctor tells me that Ms. Topolsky was in a facility in Bethesda until a few days ago when she just took off. Doctor: We traced her credit card here to Roswell, and when I caught up with her she was hysterical...talking about meeting you around here...something about an orb. The Sheriff said he knew you, and that you'd had trouble with her in the past. I didn't want anything to happen to you out here. Sheriff: I checked it all out. The doctor is who he says he is, and Topolsky spent the last month in a mental hospital. I think it's safe to disregard anything she's been saying...to any of us. Doctor: I'm sorry to have caused you this inconvenience. And don't worry about Kathleen. She should be back in Bethesda by now under the best care available. So please, no more late-night trips to the middle of nowhere. Anything could be out here, and I'd hate to see any harm come to you on our account. Sheriff: Thank you, Doctor. I'm sure we'll all sleep better. So it's over. You can go home now. (Michael looks to the area where he dropped the orb) Max: We'll come back for it. Liz: Max. (Sheriff Valenti notices something in the ground and picks up the orb) Max: Nice job, Michael. (Nasedo, disguised as Doctor Margolin, drives to a secluded area and shapeshifts into a hiker) (At another part of Buckley Point, Topolsky is waiting for Michael to show up with the other communicator in hand) Topolsky: Michael? Michael? Michael, over here! Michael. Pierce: Good work, Agent Topolsky. You led me right to them. Topolsky: They have nothing to do with it. Pierce: That's not your concern anymore, Agent Topolsky. Topolsky: No. No! No! No! No! No! No! No! Nooooo! (Scene fades out with Topolsky pleading for help in the back seat of the car as it drives away)	Plan: A: a glowing orb; Q: What is the alien artifact that Max is led to? A: Liz's desire; Q: What reaches an all time high for Max? A: Michael; Q: Who does Maria fake visions with? Summary: Max is led to another strange alien artifact, a glowing orb as a result of the visions Liz has when they kiss. Meanwhile Liz's desire for Max reaches an all time high; Maria decides to fake visions with Michael but it does not end well.
Scene: The apartment. Penny: Oh my God, I love this chicken. Sheldon: Oh, you know what they say, the best things in life are free. Penny: Okay, you're right, I eat your food a lot. How about this, you can raid my fridge any time you want. Sheldon: Oh, that's very kind of you. Next time I have a hankering to wash down a D cell battery with a jar of old pickle juice, I'll come a-knocking. Howard: Hey, Raj, you didn't send your RSVP in. I'm supposed to ask you if you're bringing someone to the wedding. Raj: I'll let you know. Howard: Well, can you make it soon. There's a battle royale going on over the seating charts. In one corner, Bernadette's mom, and the other three, mine. Sheldon: Yeah, I hate wedding receptions. I wish the bride and groom would take a cue from Bilbo Baggins, slip on the ring, disappear and everyone goes home. Leonard: Mmm, you liked Professor Guyster's wedding. Sheldon: They had a make your own sundae bar. Ooh, that was a night to remember. Do you know, on the one trip, I just had a bowl of nuts. Howard: Anyway, you gotta let me know if you have a plus one, because if not my mom's trying to sneak in the doctor who sucked the fat out of her neck. Raj: Alright, uh, fine, I'm coming and I'm bringing somebody. Uh, Koothrappali plus one. Leonard: Who you bringing? Raj: Who are you bringing? Penny: He's bringing me. Who are you bringing? Raj: Wow, what a bunch of Nosey O'Donnells. Howard: Come on, who is it? Raj: I'm not telling. I'm from Asia. I'm mysterious. Deal with it. Sheldon: Howard, are you having a make your own sundae bar? Howard: No, uh, I don't think so. Sheldon: Well you should. 50% of marriages end in divorce, but 100% of make your own sundae bars end in happiness. Credits sequence. Scene: Raj's apartment. Raj (on skype): Hello Mummy, Daddy, how are you? Mrs Koothrappali: Pretty good, can't complain. Dr Koothrappali: Oh I'm sure you can. Just give it a minute. Raj: Listen, uh, there's something I want to talk to you about. I, I wasn't ready until now, but I think it's time. Dr Koothrappali: It's finally happening. You're coming out of the closet, aren't you? Mrs Koothrappali: We love you, and we accept your alternate lifestyle. Just keep it to yourself. Raj: No, I'm not gay. If anything, I'm metrosexual. Dr Koothrappali: What's that? Raj: It means I like women as well as their skincare products. Dr Koothrappali: Well, if you're not coming out, why did you call us during the cricket semi-finals? Raj: 'Cause I, I'm tired of trying to meet someone and, I think I'd like you to help me find uh, a wife. Mrs Koothrappali: And just to clarify, a female wife? Raj: Yes. Dr Koothrappali: Matchmaking, very smart move son. Much better than marrying for love. Mrs Koothrappali: We married for love. Dr Koothrappali: And it's been wonderful. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Quantum physics makes me so happy. Leonard: Yeah, I'm glad. Sheldon: It's like looking at the universe naked. (Shivers) Penny: Hi, you guys got a minute? Leonard: Sure, what's up? Penny: Well, I was thinking about Sheldon's little joke the other night about me eating all your food. Sheldon: Oh, that was no joke. But I understand your confusion as I am our group's resident cut-up. Leonard: I'm sorry, you are our resident cut-up? Sheldon: Yes. Leonard: Prove it. Sheldon: Knock, knock. Leonard: Who's there? Sheldon: Interrupting physicist. Leonard: Interrupting physi... Sheldon: MUON! Penny: Anyway, I got a little residual cheque from my commercial and I thought, hey, how about I get the guys a little thankyou to pay them back. So, Sheldon, ta-da! Sheldon: Ah! A vintage, mint in box, 1975 Mego Star Trek transporter with real transporter action. Hot-darn! Leonard: Where did you get that? Penny: Uh, from Stuart at the comic-book store. Leonard: You went to the comic-book store by yourself? Penny: Yeah, it was fun, I walked in and two different guys got asthma attacks. Felt pretty good. Sheldon: Well this calls for an expression of gratitude. Penny: Ooh, am I about to get a rare Sheldon Cooper hug? Sheldon: Not this time. Then they wouldn't be special. Thanks Penny. Penny: You're welcome. Don't worry, I didn't forget about you. Leonard, I got you a label maker. Leonard: Wow. No, it's great. Also, uh, mint in box. Penny: Mmm. And, I got you a transporter too! Leonard: Awesome! Sheldon: Look, it was actually designed for my vintage Mr Spock action figure. Penny: Oh, that's great. Let's open it up and put him in there. Leonard: Ah! Sheldon: Oh dear Lord. No! Penny: Why, they're just toys? Sheldon: They're mint in box. Leonard: They're Collectables. Penny: C'mon can't we just open one up and take a... Together: No! Leonard: Once you open the box it loses its value. Penny: Yeah, yeah, my mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. Gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it. Scene: A restaurant. Bernadette: Are you sure you want us here when you meet this woman? Raj: Oh yes. In my culture it's expected to have a chaparone to oversee a first date. Plus I want to make a good impression and, no offence, but with you guys here I look like six two. Bernadette: The nuns always chaparoned the dances at my high school. They used to make us leave room between us for the holy spirit. Howard: Hindus do the same thing. Except they leave room for a cow. Raj: Listen, I love your charming racist humour, but any chance you could not knock my religion while she's here. Howard: Yesterday you made fun of me for eating lox. Raj: It's different. You're people don't worship lox. Howard: Well clearly you've never been to brunch with my cousins. Bernadette: So, arranged marriages. The parents just decide, and then you have to get married? Raj: Oh, no, no, I get a say in it. But I'm sure whoever shows up will be better company than a threesome I've been having with Aunt Jemima and Mrs Butterworth. Girl: Excuse me, are you Rajesh? Raj: Oh, yes. You must be Lakshmi. Uh, nice to meet you. Lakshmi: Nice to meet you too. Raj: Oh, uh, these are my, my friends. This is Bernadette. Bernadette: Hello. Raj: And this is Howard. Howard: Nice to meet you. Lakshmi: You too. Raj: Please have a seat. (To Bernadette) I'm thinking double wedding! Scene: The apartment. Voice of Spock: Dr Cooper. Dr Cooper? Sheldon: Is someone there? Spock: Down here, on your desk. Sheldon: Spock? Spock: I need to speak with you. Sheldon: Fascinating. The only logical explanation is that this is a dream. Spock: It is not the only logical explanation. For example, you could be hallucinating after being hit on the head by, say, a coconut. Sheldon: Was I hit on the head by a coconut. Spock: I'm not going to dignify that with a response. Now, to the matter at hand. You need to play with the transporter toy. Sheldon: But it's mint in box. Spock: Yes, and to open it would destroy it's value. But remember, like me, you also have a human half. Sheldon: Well, I'm not going to dignify that with a response. Spock: Consider this. What is the purpose of a toy? Sheldon: To be played with. Spock: Therefore? To not play with it would be? Sheldon: Illogical. Oh, damn it Spock, you're right. I'll do it. Spock: Sheldon, wait. You have to wake up first. Sheldon: Oh, of course. Set phasers to dumb, right? (Wakes up in bed) Goody, goody, goody. This is wrong. This is wrong. I'm so excited, but this is wrong. I'm gonna do it. I'm doing it. I did it. Oh, that's what I always thought 1975 smelled like. One to beam down Mr Scott. Aye, aye, Mr Spock. Energise. (Spins toy). Energise. (Tries to spin toy. It sticks. Tries to get Spock out and toy falls apart.) Don't be broken. Please don't be broken. (To Spock toy) What did you make me do? Okay, okay, think. (Sees Leonard's toy) It's only logical. Scene: Raj's apartment. Lakshmi: My goodness, that was delicious. Raj: Well, I hope you saved room for chocolate lava cake. Lakshmi: Impressive. What goes into making something like that. Raj: Well, you start off by trying to make chocolate souffle, and when it falls you panic, quickly change the name, and voila! Lava cake. Lakshmi: I bet our parents are dying to know how things are going here. Raj: Well, let's see. Yup, three missed calls. Lakshmi: Four missed calls, two text messages, and a failed video chat. I win. So, what are we going to tell them. Raj: I'd like to tell them things are going well. Lakshmi: Me too. But before we get their hopes up we should probably make sure we're on the same page. Raj: Okay, what page are you on? Lakshmi: I'm on the one where I'm on a lot of pressure from my parents to get married and settle down, and have a family, and I'm going to do it so they don't find out I'm gay. Raj: Say again. Lakshmi: I'm gay. Raj: Like, dude on dude, but with women? Lakshmi: I know a fake marriage isn't an honest way to live, but you of all people must know how difficult it is to come out in our culture. Raj: Why me, of all people? Lakshmi: Well, there is a rumour back in New Delhi that you're, how shall we say, comfortable in a sari. Raj: I'm not gay. Lakshmi: Really? The chocolate lava cake? The little soaps in the bathroom? And I'm sorry, but you're wearing more perfume than I am. Raj: That's Unbreakable by Khloe and Lamar. And for your information, it's unisex. Lakshmi: Fill in the blank. I love the nightlife? Raj: I like to boogie. Lakshmi: Got you. Raj: W-w-with women. I like to boogie with women. Lakshmi: That's disappointing. You were exactly the kind of phoney-baloney husband I was looking for. Raj: Thankyou. And once again, my baloney likes girls. Wait-wait. You don't want to put a bit of that in your mouth without trying my homemade chantilly cream. Yeah, okay, that time I heard it. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Sheldon writhes in bed, then wakes up on an alien planet. Sheldon: Oh dear. Two suns and no sunscreen. Spock: Hello again, Sheldon. Sheldon: What is it now, tiny Spock? Spock: I am very disappointed in you. You broke your toy and switched it with Leonard's. You should be ashamed of yourself. Sheldon: You're the one who told me to play with it. Spock: If I told you to jump off the bridge of the Enterprise, would you do it? Sheldon: No. If I got on the bridge of the Enterprise, I would never, ever leave. Spock: Trust me, it gets old after a while. You must right your wrong, Sheldon. Sheldon: Why? I got away with it. Leonard has his toy, and he's never going to open it, so he won't know it's broken. And I have a toy that isn't broken. Everybody's happy. Spock: Well I am unhappy. Sheldon: I thought where you come from they don't have emotions. Spock: I come from a factory in Taiwan. Now do the right thing. Sheldon: You know what you are? Well, you're a green blooded buzzkill. Perhaps it's time you beam on out of here. Spock: Fine. I will just use the transporter. Oh, right. You broke it. Sheldon: Very well. Cooper to Enterprise, one to beam up. Energise. (Throws Spock away. Get's attacked by a Gorn. Wakes up.) Ah. Tiny Spock. Help. Scene: Howard's laboratory. Howard is soldering something. Raj: Ready for lunch? Howard: Yep, one sec. (Puts thing in mouth.) Ah, good. Ma would have killed me if she'd found out I'd broke my retainer. Raj: Hey, uh, can I run something by you? It's about Lakshmi. Howard: Yeah. Sure. How are things going? Raj: We hit a couple of bumps. She lives over on Manhattan Beach, so it takes over an hour to get there. And she's a lesbian. Howard: What do you mean, she's a lesbian? Raj: Well, you know whenever you and I would try to hit on women in bars, and they'd blow us off, and then we'd tell each other they were probably gay. It's like that. Except this time it's true. Howard: Then why did she even go out with you? Raj: She was looking for a husband so she can appear to be straight. And you know, it sounded crazy to me at first, but I'm actually thinking about doing it. Howard: Okay, well, so the reason that might sound crazy, is 'cause it's crazy. Raj: Look, Howard, you're in a relationship. You know you have to make compromises. Howard: Well, yes. But my compromises are about which bedspread to buy, or whose turn it is to do the laundry, Bernadette's or my mom's. Raj: It's a great deal. We both get our parents off our backs. I don't have to come home to an empty apartment every night, plus, once I'm married, I can finally eat carbs again and let myself go. Howard: Why don't you tell your parents you want to try and find someone else, you know, maybe one who hasn't slept with more women than you. Raj: Because this one wants to marry me. I might never find another one who does. Howard: So you're seriously thinking about marrying someone you're never going to have s*x with. Raj: I can't believe your attitude. I thought you were in favour of gay people getting married. Howard: Yes, to other gay people. Raj: Do you hear how homophobic you sound? Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is working on his laptop. Spock is looking at him judgementally. He switches the two toys. Sheldon: Oh, I don't want a broken toy. (Switches them back again. Penny and Leonard enter.) Nothing! Leonard: What? Sheldon: Nothing. I said nothing. Penny: That was weird. Leonard: Really? I don't even notice any more. Penny: I cannot believe you guys aren't going to play with these. Leonard: Well I told you, you don't, it's mint in box. Penny: I dunno. I just think it's a waste. (Picks up box. Sheldon screams.) Relax. I'm just looking at the box. Sheldon: Perhaps you should look with your eyes, and not your muscular Nebraska man-hands. Penny: What is your problem? Sheldon: My problem is that I don't want you to break Leonard's toy, which you probably did by shaking it. She shook it. We all saw her. Penny: Leonard, I bought you this because I wanted you to have fun with it. I don't want it to just sit in this box. Leonard: You know, you're right. I mean, it's from you, I'm never going to sell it. I'm opening it. Penny: Yes. Sheldon: Mmmmm! Leonard: It's broken. Penny: What? Sheldon: Oh, nice job, man-hands. Penny: I didn't break it. I, I guess Stuart sold it to me like this. Sheldon: Yes. Yes, he did, that is a perfectly satisfying and plausible explanation. Yeah, let's all be mad at Stuart. Penny: You know, I paid a lot for this. Let's take it over there and show him. Leonard: Absolutely. Sheldon: Wait. It was me. I opened your toy, discovered it was broken and didn't tell you. Leonard: Why would you open mine? Sheldon: I didn't. That was a lie. I opened my own toy. And it was already broken so I switched them. Leonard: Well, you should talk to Stuart. Sheldon: I can't because that was a lie. Yours was broken in an earthquake. And that's a lie. Penny: What is the truth? Sheldon: My Mr Spock doll came to me in a dream and forced me to open it. And when the toy broke I switched it for yours. Later he encouraged me to do the right thing and I defied him. And then I was attacked by a Gorn. Leonard: Okay, that I believe. Penny: Mmm. Sheldon: Leonard, Penny, I just, I want you both to know that I regret my actions toward the two of you. That's a lie. Leonard: So, is that one mine. Sheldon: Yes. Leonard: Well, hand it over so I can open it. Sheldon: Okay. Leonard, even though I don't have one any more, I hope you have fun playing with it. Leonard: And that's a lie, right? Sheldon: Big fat whopper. I hope it breaks. Scene: Raj's apartment. Raj: This is a treat, what brings you guys by? Bernadette: Raj, Howie told me what's going on with you and Lakshmi. Raj: What, you told her? Howard: I told everybody. Bernadette: We believe there's someone out there who'll love you for you. Howard: Well, actually we kind of agreed to disagree on that one, but we both think you shouldn't marry this woman. Raj: So, while I'm waiting for this mysterious perfect match, who may or may not exist, I'm supposed to just be alone. Bernadette: Not necessarily. I think we've found someone for you to cuddle with. (Pulls a puppy out of her bag.) Raj: Oh, my goodness. Aren't you the cutest little Yorkie ever? You got him for me? Howard: Her. We thought you two would hit it off. Raj: I think we already have. Thank you guys so much. Let's see if you fit in my man purse. Bernadette: Metrosexual my ass.	Plan: A: their food; Q: What does Penny mooch off of Sheldon and Leonard? A: 1975; Q: What year was the Star Trek transporter that Penny bought Sheldon and Leonard from? A: her hemorrhoid commercial; Q: What was Penny's residual check from? A: their boxes; Q: Where do Sheldon and Leonard keep their Star Trek toys? A: his Spock action figure; Q: Who tells Sheldon to open his transporter? A: his transporter; Q: What does Sheldon accidentally break in his dream? A: his broken toy; Q: What does Sheldon exchange for Leonard's toy? A: the two transporters; Q: What does Spock tell Sheldon he switched in his nightmare? A: his parents; Q: Who did Raj tell to find a suitable girl for him? A: a restaurant; Q: Where did Raj meet Lakshmi? A: a lesbian; Q: What is Lakshmi's sexual orientation? A: Indian culture; Q: What culture does Lakshmi come from? A: sex; Q: What does Raj not want to have with Lakshmi? A: Howard's advice; Q: What did Raj rebuff to find a girl for his wedding? A: Yorkie; Q: What breed of puppy did Howard and Bernadette give Raj to cheer him up? Summary: After Sheldon complains about Penny's constant mooching of their food, she buys him and Leonard each a mint-condition vintage Star Trek transporter from 1975 with the residual check from her hemorrhoid commercial. She is disappointed when both refuse to take them out of their boxes since they want to preserve the toy's value. That night, Sheldon has a dream where his Spock action figure tells him to open his transporter and play with it. When Sheldon does this, he breaks his transporter accidentally. He then exchanges his broken toy for Leonard's toy, figuring that he will never find out since he does not plan to open his. Later Sheldon has a nightmare where his Spock action figure chastises him for switching the two transporters. When Leonard decides to play with his toy since it is a gift from his girlfriend, Sheldon admits to breaking his toy and switching it with Leonard's. Meanwhile, faced with the prospect of attending Howard's wedding alone, Raj tells his parents to find a suitable girl for him. He meets the prospective bride Lakshmi in a restaurant and both hit it off immediately. It soon turns out that Lakshmi is a lesbian and accepted to meet Raj as it is difficult to come out in Indian culture, but nevertheless decides to marry him as she thinks he is gay. Raj too contemplates marrying her, despite the fact that he is never going to have sex with her, and rebuffs Howard's advice to find some other girl. Finally, Howard and Bernadette give Raj a Yorkie puppy to cheer him up and make him forget about Lakshmi.
ACT ONE Scene One - KACL Nearing the end of another show. Frasier: Go ahead, Tom. I'm listening. Tom: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Crane. Uh, it's about my girlfriend. My problem is, I don't know if I love her for herself Or because things are so great between us physically. Frasier: Well, how long have you two been together? Tom: Six years. Frasier is surprised. Roz mouths, "Wow." Frasier: And the s*x is still that good? Tom: Oh man, Dr. Crane, every morning, night, three times a day on weekends. But I'm not sure we have much else in common. Frasier: Well, common interests are of course the foundation of... three times, you say? Tom: Is that abnormal? Frasier: Well, uh, no, no, it's not abnormal. It's not fair, but it's not abnormal. Roz laughs. The phone in her booth rings, and she answers. Frasier: Um, but you know, perhaps you share more things than you think you do actually. I'll tell you what, try this: why don't you pick up a catalogue from a local university, go through it with her and see if there are any courses you'd like to take together? Tom: That's a good idea! Thanks, Doc. Have a great weekend. Frasier: Well, I'd wish you the same but it hardly seems necessary. He pushes a button to disconnect Tom and sighs. Roz signals him to wrap it up. Frasier: Well, that's it for today, Seattle. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, wishing you all good mental health. [goes off the air] Roz: Niles called from the airport; he wants you to call him back. He sounded frantic! Frasier: [walking into her booth] I'll call him from the car. He's flying to a conference in Switzerland; I promised to talk him through it. Roz: Surely he's flown before? Frasier: Well, not coach! He pauses, appalled by the lime-green dress with the horrendous pink bow across the midriff hanging behind Roz's console. Frasier: Roz, is this the dress you're wearing to the wedding? Roz: I have to, I'm a bridesmaid. Frasier: [trying to be tactful] Is there a reason it has to be so, so...? Roz: Hideous? It's supposed to be, so that way, the bride, By comparison, will glow! [holding the dress up to her distastefully] Next to this baby, she'll light up like a bug zapper. You know, of all my friends in Wisconsin, this girl was the last one I thought would beat me to the altar. Frasier: Not the Dairy State's comeliest chunk of cheddar? Roz: Let's just say she works in her father's ice cream parlour and she eats her mistakes. The groom's family makes cones. Frasier: Oh, well, we don't need Freud for that, do we? He has picked up some messages and walks back into his booth. Roz follows, dress in hand. She hangs it up to the window behind Frasier's console. Roz: The whole thing is just so depressing. Lately everyone I know is settling down, getting married, having children. What am I doing wrong? Frasier: [packing his briefcase] Well, do you want me to answer as a friend, or a therapist? Roz: As a friend! Frasier: See a therapist. [he turns back to his briefcase] Roz: Frasier! Frasier: [relenting] Well, Roz, I think your whole problem stems from some unresolved issues that cause you to choose the men you date. Always flashy and superficial, offering no prospect of a lasting relationship. Roz: Why would I do that? Frasier: Maybe fear of commitment, fear of being hurt. But maybe it's time you started looking at different kinds of men. You know, men who are more settled, a little less flash and more substance. Roz: You're probably right, Frasier. Hey, if I were smart, I'd go out with the next guy I see I'm not the least bit attracted to. As Frasier pulls open the door, laughing, Bulldog comes in, rolling his usual trolley. He walks over to Roz after wheeling it to the side. Bulldog: Roth, Roth, I juth bit my tongue. Can you kith it and make it better? [sticks it out] Roz: The next one after him. [Frasier nods in tacit understanding] Bulldog: Oh, Doc, Doc. [takes a camcorder from the trolley] Here's my video camera. Frasier: [accepting it] Oh, thank you, Bulldog. Bulldog: What do you need it for? Frasier: Well, I'm going to record my father. I'm going to have his life on tape so Frederick can enjoy it in years to come. Roz: What a good idea! Bulldog: [seeing the dress] Whoa! That's the ugliest thing I ever saw! Roz: [snapping] I'm going to a wedding. Bulldog: Oh, I love weddings. Never been to a wedding where I didn't bag at least one bridesmaid. And the uglier the dress, the quicker they want to get out of them. This one would hit the floor before the rice! He goes into the next booth. Roz checks the clock and takes the dress down. Roz: I've got to get going. Can you believe I actually have to be seen in public in this thing? Frasier: Well, Roz, it's only for a few hours. After that you can donate it to the Salvation Army... and one day make some Irish drag queen very happy. Roz laughs. They go their separate ways. [SCENE_BREAK] NO ONE SAID ANYTHING PARTICULARLY AMUSING FOR TWO WEEKS, AND THEN... Scene Two - Cafe Nervosa Niles and Frasier are enjoying a coffee together. Niles: What's the point of going to Switzerland without spending a day on the slopes? So I ducked out of the conference and who should I run into, but Maris? She'd just flown in for her yearly goat placenta treatments! Frasier: Good Lord, is it placenta treatment time again already? Niles: We had a set-to on the slopes. She ran, I tried to follow her tracks in the snow, but alas, she made none. A tall, bearded man in glasses walks into the cafe and stands in line. Niles: [putting a hand to his face] Oh, dear... Frasier: What is it? What's the matter? Niles: I just spotted someone. It's my least favorite patient. The man's a compulsive womaniser. He goes through so many women, he calls them all by the same odious nickname, "Sunshine," to avoid slip-ups. Frasier: Oh, God. Niles: Frasier, what do you do when you don't like a patient? Frasier: Well, it's a tricky subject, isn't it? [Niles nods] How long have you been seeing him? Niles: Six months. We've made no progress whatsover. Sometimes I feel he comes in not so much for help as to brag. He claims to have been with, at last count, one hundred and fifty women! Frasier: Oh puh-leease! A hundred and fifty! Niles: As if anything over, say... seven weren't absurd. Frasier: Well, I would say eleven, but I get your point. Behind Frasier's back, Niles sees the man now embracing Roz. Niles: Oh, now serving one hundred and fifty-one. Frasier: [turns and gasps] Good God! He's here to see Roz? Niles: Yes, well, no doubt they met when Sealy Posturepedic named them Man and Woman of the Year. Frasier: [panicking] Niles, you don't understand. She-she's been very vulnerable lately. Niles: [getting up and taking his coat] Well, I hope you'll forgive me if I don't stick around. I'd like to leave before she makes introductions. Frasier: I've got to warn her! Niles: [alarmed] Warn her how? What I just told you was in strict confidence, therapist to therapist. You can't go repeating it! Frasier: But-but- Niles: No! Frasier: Oh... of course, of course, you're right, I won't. But that is the last man that Roz should be with! Niles: Well, don't worry. Knowing Roz, he won't be. Niles leaves in a hurry just as Roz spots Frasier. Roz: Hey, Frasier! Frasier: [uncomfortably] Oh, Roz! Roz: I'd like to introduce you to someone. This is Ben Collins. Frasier: [standing and shaking his hand, obviously discomfited] Frasier Crane, pleasure. Ben: Likewise. Roz: Is it all right if we join you? Frasier: Oh, why not?? Ben: I'll grab our coffees. Ben leaves as Roz comes and settles in across from Frasier. Roz: He is the greatest guy! You know, when I first met him, I thought, "He's not my type." Then I remembered what you said. And I'm so glad you gave me that advice, Frasier, because without it, I would never have given him a second look. Frasier: Well, Roz, let's not rule out that all-important third look. Roz: Would you stop worrying about me, Frasier? This one's different. I can tell he really cares about me. At this moment, Ben returns and saves Frasier from his obvious discomfort. Ben: [ominously] Here you go, Sunshine! Frasier looks up at Ben with a suspicious smile plastered on his face. [SCENE_BREAK] ANOTHER CURIOUSLY UNAMUSING WEEK PASSED, UNTIL... Scene Three - Frasier's apartment Martin enters through the front door. Martin: Why can't you be like other dogs? Why can't you bring home bones or animals you kill? Eddie follows into the apartment almost sheepishly, holding a few yellow tulips in his mouth. Martin: [taking the flowers] Give me those! Relax, I'm just going to put them with the roses you picked yesterday. Frasier comes in. Frasier: Oh hey, Dad! Fresh from your walk? I think now is as good a time as any to crank up the ol' camcorder. Martin: Nah, maybe later. Frasier: Oh Dad, you've been saying "no" for weeks now! Martin: Well, gee, some people would take that for a hint! Frasier: All you have to do is just sit here and talk about your life. Martin: Life's got nothing to do with it! This is about me dying and you having something to look at after I'm dead. The whole thing gives me the creeps! Frasier: I can't believe you're refusing to record your history, the story that only you, Martin Crane, can tell, because it gives you the creeps! Martin: OK then, I'll tell you the real truth. [mockingly holds the limp tulips to the back of his head] My Indian heritage forbids it. I'm afraid your magic box will rob me of my spirit. The doorbell rings. Frasier goes to answer it. Frasier: I don't know why you're being so negative about this. It's not really for when you're dead. It's for when you've lost your mind. Martin leaves the room. Frasier opens the door to Roz. Roz: Hey, Frasier. Frasier: [sarcastic] Oh hello, Roz! Why, after waiting for forty-five minutes, did I assume you'd forgotten our appointment? Roz: Sorry, but uh... I was on my way out, when Ben called. Frasier: Oh yes... Ben. Roz: Oh, what's with you? Every time I bring him up, you make that face. I'm getting the sense that you don't like him that much. Frasier: It's just that I know something about Ben... Roz: What? Frasier: [improvising] He's a little old for you. Roz: He's thirty-six! Frasier: Exactly my point! [clumsily] When you were a freshman, he was a senior. That never works out! [changes the subject] I'm getting my briefcase! Roz: I'll go get a Coke. Frasier walks off toward his bedroom; Roz walks into the kitchen and sees Daphne there, just generally puttering around. Roz: Oh, hi, Daphne! [gets a Coke from the fridge] Daphne: Hello, Roz. How are you? Roz: OK... can I ask you something? Does Frasier seem weird to you-? Daphne: Oh God, yes. Roz: I haven't finished my question yet. Daphne: Yes, well, when you know the answer, it's hard not to hit the buzzer. Roz: [laughs, then] Well, this is strange. I mean, for the first time in years, I'm in a really solid relationship, and instead of being happy for me, Frasier seems upset. Daphne: Oh, that is odd. Unless... Roz: Unless what? Daphne: Well... [conspiratorial] Dr. Crane is jealous of Ben because he wants you for himself. Roz: Huh? [laughs] Ohhh, no, no, no! Daphne: Yes, what else could it be? Roz: Fra-Frasier? What, you really think so? [pushes Daphne playfully] Daphne, no! No way! No, he doesn't - Frasier is the one who told me to find myself a new boyfriend. Someone who is settled, someone more nurturing, someone with substance over flash. Daphne: They could put that on Dr. Crane's tombstone. Roz: [starting to believe it] Oh, come on! No way! Daphne: Yes! Wait, there's something else. Roz: What? Daphne: I probably shouldn't tell you this. But earlier this morning, Dr. Crane was on the phone with his brother and he said that your relationship with Ben was driving him crazy, [Roz's jaw drops] and that he was dying to tell you but he can't. Roz: [almost screeching] Oh my God, did you hear him say that?! Daphne: I certainly did! Roz: Oh, this is too weird, this is too weird! What am I going to say? Maybe I won't say anything. Maybe he'll just see how happy I am with Ben. Frasier storms into the kitchen, banging around. Frasier: Oh, Ben, Ben, Ben! My God, Roz, would you just drop it with Ben for a minute and pay some attention to me? [storms back out] Roz: Oh-kaay! She picks up her coke and leaves the kitchen after exchanging a glance with the knowing Daphne. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene Four - KACL Frasier is sitting in his booth, reading a magazine. Roz enters from his door and stops short, seeming a bit embarrassed to see him. Frasier: Morning, Roz! Roz: [nervous] Hi, Frasier! Frasier: Hey, you look lovely, that colour's very flattering! Roz: Thanks. Frasier: You know, I think this calls for a hug! Roz: [backing away instinctively] Oh, I don't look that good. Frasier: No, no, no, no, Roz. Look! [holds up the magazine] My God, the ratings are in, and we did better in our timeslot this week than ever before! Congratulations, partner! He folds her into a hug, which she returns very uncomfortably. Frasier: Why don't we have dinner tonight, celebrate? Roz: That sounds so fun... but I kinda have plans. Frasier: I should have known. [laughs uneasily] Another time, perhaps. Roz: Yeah sure, that sounds great. She moves off into her booth just as Bulldog enters Frasier's. Bulldog: Yo, Doc. When are you going to return my video camera? I got a hot date tonight and I want to record certain events for posterity, if you know what I mean. Frasier: Uh... tomorrow, Bulldog. [Bulldog starts to protest] Well, maybe tonight you could just have a police sketch artist crouch on your balcony. Bulldog seems to accept this suggestion and leaves. Frasier gets up and heads into Roz's booth. Roz: [on the phone as she files her nails] So Mom, let me ask you something. How long did you know Dad before you told him you loved him? Mom? Mom? Mom, you've been divorced fifteen years! Let it go! She doesn't notice Frasier come in behind her. Roz: Listen, Ben is coming over to dinner tonight, and I think I'm going to tell him I love him. Frasier is so flustered by this that he drops the tape he was carrying. Roz, startled by the noise, hangs up quickly. Roz: I gotta work, bye! Frasier: [fumbling] Oh I'm, I'm sorry, Roz. I should have knocked. Roz: [just as flustered] It's OK, it's OK, it's OK! Frasier: I couldn't help overhearing the last part of your conversation there. You think you're not rushing things a little bit with Ben? Are you really that serious? Roz: Yes, I am. Frasier: But you know, there are a lot of men in the world. Roz: And lots of women, too! Frasier: [beat] Well, that's more of a personal preference but I... He hurries into his booth. Roz, confused, follows him. Roz: I meant for you! Look, Frasier, what I'm trying to say is I know you have a problem with me and Ben, but we're happy together. Frasier: Well, it's just that you've only been going out for a month! Roz: Well, sometimes, that's all it takes. [noticing the time] Fifteen seconds! Listen Frasier, I'd like to think that there's some small part of you that is happy for me. After all, it WAS your advice that got me this far! Frasier: Of course I'm happy for you. Roz: Thanks. She goes into her booth, closes the door, and hits a button on her console. Frasier: [to himself] Me and my stupid advice... [notices the "On-Air" light] will be with you for the next three hours, Seattle! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five - Frasier's apartment. That afternoon, Niles is sitting on the couch with the video camera, trying to persuade Martin to do the tape. Martin: I'm not doing it, it's morbid. Niles: It's not morbid. And besides, if you don't do it, the only footage we'll have of you in the family archives is you pretending your stomach was a face that summer at the lake. Martin: [puts down his paper] Alright Niles, if it'll shut you up, I'll do it. Niles: Thanks, Dad! We'll make this quick and easy. [he adjusts the camcorder, then looks at Martin] Is that what you're wearing? Martin: Forget it. [picks up the paper again] Niles: No, no no, all right. Here we go, here we go. [starts recording] OK... P.O.V. Through the viewfinder of the camera: Martin: My name's Martin Crane. When I made this tape, I was sixty- four years old. But now... I'm DEAD! Niles starts getting disconcerted. Martin: Trapped in a box, underground... [chuckles] Pretty scary, huh? He throws his head back and laughs evilly. Niles stops the tape. Niles: Dad, surely you must have some message you want to leave for the Cranes of the twenty-first century? Martin: Alright, alright, I do. [Niles starts the tape again] Remember to always work hard, and that family comes first. And... I have a million bucks in unmarked bills that I took off a drug dealer that I have stashed in my old army foot locker. The combination is left fifteen, right thirty-two, le-le... He starts choking and kicks back in his Barcalounger, shaking, his tongue lolling out of his mouth. By now, Niles has given up. He turns the camcorder onto himself. Niles: Future generations: see what I had to put up with? Frasier enters the apartment. Frasier: Hello. Martin: Hello. [getting up] Niles: [to Frasier] Hello. [to Martin] I suppose this means we're finished? Martin: Well, unless you want future generations to see me go to the can! [he goes off] Frasier: Niles, actually I'm glad you're here. I have to talk to you about Roz. Niles: Oh, no, no, no. I've breached my ethics once already. Frasier: Niles, please, I've gotten desperate! Niles: [puts his fingers in his ears] No, no, no! Frasier: Niles, she plans to tell him that she loves him tonight! [Niles takes his fingers out] From what you told me about Ben's patterns, that will be the end of it and Roz will be shattered. God, there has got to be some loophole in this confidentiality rule that will allow me to warn her and still preserve your ethics. [looks at the bookcase] Niles! Help me look through these textbooks! Niles: [starts leaving] No, I'll have no part in this! Frasier: Please, Niles! Think of Roz! Niles: I'm thinking of my license! Frasier: Well then, think of what Freud said! "We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love." Niles stops at the door and turns back reluctantly. Niles: Oh, all right! But that was dirty pool, using a Freud quotation. Frasier: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Niles: It's the Crane boys' kryptonite. Frasier: I know, I know. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Six Obviously, time passes. The two brothers are seated at the coffee table, poring over psychiatry books, ties loosened and Niles has his jacket off. Frasier: Say, here's a possibility. According to this, it says we can warn her if he means to do her bodily harm. Does he? Niles: No. Frasier: Damn! Niles: It would be so much easier if Roz were mentally incompetent. They stop poring and look up, interested. Frasier: Go on... Niles: Well, then there'd be some justification for protecting her. [puts down his textbook] Is she irrational? Frasier: She did attack a vending machine once, when a Twinkie came out of the Oreo chute. Niles: Borderline, borderline. Does she ever act delusional? Frasier: Well, she often claims that she is responsible for the success of our show. Niles: Building, building. Does she display below-average intelligence? Frasier: [triumphantly] She once ordered a bottle of white Zinfandel! Niles: Jackpot! [stands and points at the door] Go to her, she's a threat to herself! Frasier: It's amazing they even let the woman drive! He rushes out. [SCENE_BREAK] BRIDESMAID REVISITED Scene Seven - Roz's apartment Frasier pounds on Roz's door. Roz: [from inside] Who is it? Frasier: It's Frasier! Roz pulls it open: she looks a mess. She's clad in the awful lime- green bridesmaid's dress, her hair wildly tangled and her mascara smeared so much so that her eyes resemble that of a panda's. A decidedly unlovely sight. Frasier: Oh my God! What happened? Roz: [sobbing] He dumped me, Frasier! She falls back from the door. He follows her in, and hugs her. He notices a bottle of champagne on the table, with two glasses. Frasier: Oh, oh, honey! I - come here. Oh God... Roz: Everything was going great! [sinks into a dining chair] Until I said "I love you, Ben." Then he got this look on his face, like he'd taken a wrong turn in a really bad neighbourhood! He didn't even touch the champagne. Frasier: Oh I'm... I'm sorry, Roz. Here. [hands her a handkerchief] Roz: Thank you. Frasier: When you... [she blows her nose loudly] when you professed your love for him, uh... were you dressed like that? Roz: No! After he left, I went in to change, and I saw all these old bridesmaid dresses hanging in the closet. And that's when it hit me. That's what I am, a bridesmaid! I might as well wear the uniform! Frasier: Oh Roz, no, no! Now, now, come on! Roz: Yes! Frasier: Come on! Now look, look, you know, I find that whenever I'm low, it always lifts my spirits when I just spruce up a bit. It wouldn't hurt to run a brush through your hair... or through your teeth. Roz: Oh God! [pushes him back and goes to the dresser] I must look awful! Frasier: No, no, not at all. Roz: You're a big fat liar. [turns back to the mirror] But you were right about Ben, and I just didn't see it. What made you come over here anyway? Frasier: Well, actually, I was coming over here to take one last stab at convincing you that Ben was the wrong man for you. You deserve someone better, Roz. Roz: Oh, yeah, [trying to tug a brush through her snarled hair] I'm a real catch! [gives up and sinks onto her bed] Hell... Frasier: Oh, now, things really aren't all as dark as they seem. You know, you're a-a beautiful, intelligent, desirable... She just looks at him, the brush dangling from her hair. Frasier: Why don't you let me just take a stab at that, will you? [starts brushing her hair out] I can't imagine any man not thinking himself the luckiest in the world to be with you. Roz: You really do... think that, don't you? Frasier: Yes, and I'm surprised you even had to ask me that. Roz: I guess I didn't. I've known that you've had these romantic feelings toward me, for a while. Frasier: [shell-shocked] What? Roz: Oh come on! Don't deny it. Those hints about finding someone with substance over style, the way you hated Ben. And then Daphne told me she overheard you telling Niles that you couldn't stop thinking about me and wanted to tell me the truth! Frasier: Daphne told you that? Roz: Yeah - don't be mad at her. Frasier: No, no, I'm not. It's just that when she said that... Roz: No it's OK, Frasier. I'm glad she told me. The only thing keeping me from completely falling apart right now is knowing that someone like you could be interested in me. Frasier thinks fast, but is unable to say anything more effective. Frasier: Well, then... there's no point in denying it, is there? He starts brushing her hair mechanically, placing a hand on her head and dragging the brush through her hair. This motion becomes repeatedly rougher. Roz: You know, maybe the idea of you and me isn't so crazy. You are the kind of man I should be with! Smart, gentle... Ow! I said gentle! Frasier: [stops brushing] Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Roz. Uh, you know, it's just that there are so many... Roz: I know, I know. Workplace romances always fail. Frasier: Exactly my point! Roz: And I'm on the rebound. I've got to give myself time to heal. Frasier: [nods enthusiastically] Yes yes, lots of time. Pause. Roz: On the other hand, you are the one who always says the best relationships start with friendship. Frasier: Well, I do say that, yes. It's true, but... Roz: And we're friends, aren't we? Frasier: [smiles] We're very good friends. Roz: Right now we are both free. Frasier: Oh well, in my case, painfully free. Roz: [suggestively] You know, maybe if we both went into it with our eyes open...? They move closer together, and look into each other's eyes. They seem about to kiss, and then they break apart, laughing. Roz: Oh no, what am I saying? My relationship with you is probably the healthiest one I've ever had with a man! I don't want to screw that up. Frasier: Now that you mention it, my relationship with you is probably the best one I've ever had with a woman! [dejectedly] Not that it's been much of a horse race, but... They sit at the dinner table. She picks up a champagne glass. Roz: To friendship? Frasier: [takes the other] Here's hoping the next time you tell a man you love him, he says it back. They clink glasses, and drink. Roz: Well, let's see. I love you, Frasier. Frasier: I love you too, Roz. [she laughs] You gonna be alright? Roz: Yeah. Frasier: Well, I'd better run. [gets up] Roz: Yeah, my saying "I love you" seems to have that effect on men. Frasier: No, no, I'll-I'll stay if you like! Roz: No, no. Don't you worry about me. I will not be alone. I will be sliding into a hot tub with my good friends, Ben & Jerry. Frasier: See you tomorrow, Roz. Roz: See you, Frasier. She pats him on the back and he closes the door behind him. We see both Frasier and Roz hesitating on their respective sides of the door, possibly wondering what being together would be like. Then she realizes she hasn't heard him leave yet. He catches himself and runs away as quickly as possible. End Of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] We see Roz in her bedroom-cum-living-room, packing all her bridesmaid dresses into a cardboard box. She does so determinedly and almost proudly, as if she were making a definitive break with her past. Picking up the box, she brings it to the door and passes it to a delivery man outside, who in turn hands her a receipt of sorts. She closes the door with finality. We then see the delivery man standing outside Roz's apartment, holding the lime-green dress up from the box speculatively. The scene changes to a street pavement, and we see the same delivery man with the dress on, complete with make-up and long, curly red wig. He walks proudly towards the screen as Roz walks by him, and as he disappears off-screen, she halts and turns, her mouth dropping open in recognition.	Plan: A: a wedding; Q: What is Roz going to as a bridesmaid? A: an unattractive lime-green dress; Q: What does Roz wear to a wedding? A: comparison; Q: What is the bride radiant by? A: one; Q: How many brief relationships does Roz have? A: Frasier; Q: Who suggests Roz look for a man with more substance than superficial flash? A: Niles; Q: Who recognizes Ben Collins as his least favorite patient? A: Café Nervosa; Q: Where does Niles and Frasier see Roz with Ben Collins? A: a compulsive womanizer; Q: What is Ben Collins's problem? A: the wrong man; Q: What is Roz dating? A: a reason; Q: What does Frasier fail to give Roz to convince her to change her boyfriend? A: a conversation; Q: What does Roz have with Daphne that makes her wonder if Frasier is trying to convince her out of more than just friendship? Summary: Roz is going to a wedding as a bridesmaid, and has to wear an unattractive lime-green dress to make sure the bride is radiant by comparison. The occasion starts her thinking about settling down, instead of moving from one brief relationship to another, and Frasier suggests she look for a man with more substance than superficial flash. Soon afterwards, he and Niles see her in Café Nervosa with someone, whom Niles recognizes as his least favorite patient: a compulsive womanizer called Ben Collins. He shares this detail with Frasier, but in the strictest confidence as one therapist to another, and as a result Frasier cannot tell Roz why she is dating the wrong man without contravening his professional ethics. He still tries to convince her, without giving a reason, and after a conversation with Daphne, Roz begins to wonder if he is doing this out of more than just friendship.
Isn't it true that my client was drugged and abducted from Tramble prison against his will and better judgment? Raylan: What better judgment? Yes or no, deputy? Raylan: Yes. And isn't it true that my client was later drugged again and made to believe that his kidneys had been removed? Raylan: You might want to note for the record he thought he had four kidneys. Your honor, would you please direct the witness? Raylan: Yes. And isn't it true that on the occasion of your first meeting, you broke Mr. Crowe's nose? Objection. No basis in evidence. Judge Reardon: Ms. Keyhoe. I'm simply asking deputy Givens to corroborate his own report, your honor. Raylan: Was that in the report? You grabbed his hair and slammed his face into a steering wheel, and a few days later, you hit him in the nose with the butt of a shotgun... didn't you? Raylan: I don't remember putting that in the report. Deputy, perhaps you should just stipulate to having assaulted my client on not less than a dozen occasions. Objection! Judge Reardon: Counsel, approach the bench. Ms. Keyhoe, you getting anywhere near a point? Your honor, I've got a long list of federal inmates that are prepared to testify to their abuse at the hands of this man. Raylan: Your honor, that's bullshit. There's a $20,000 settlement on the table, Ms. Keyhoe. Mr. Vasquez, this goes beyond the abuses perpetuated against my client. I'm laying the foundation for a class-action lawsuit against the United States marshal service and the federal bureau of prisons. Judge Reardon: Ohh. Vasquez. Hmm? Judge Reardon: Just... Your honor. Judge Reardon: Two hundred. Mm. Judge Reardon: Two fifty. Little bit higher. Judge Reardon: Three hundred. Step back. Mr. Crowe, a settlement offer of $20,000 has already been made. The U.S. attorney has modified it to three hundred. Do you accept that offer? Dewey: No, I do not! After what I've been through... My... kidneys and everything... You telling me all I get is $300? Judge Reardon: [ Sighs ] $300,000, you nitwit. I'll take that as a yes. Next case. Billy: All right, they got you down for obstruction, evidence tampering, and desecration of a corpse, which will get tossed before we even get into court, unless you were actually having s*x with dead Delroy, which I doubt. Now, most lawyers will tell you to plea it out anyway, but I don't plea bargain ever, and that's why they call me the wildman. Boyd: Counselor, may I interrupt? Did you bring your headphones like I asked? Billy: Yeah, but... Boyd: My fiancée and I need to have a conversation without being recorded. What exactly are we talking about? Well, rest assured it will not be about you. So, put 'em on, plug 'em in, and crank it to 10. [SCENE_BREAK] Ava: What's going on? Boyd: Baby, I'm ready for whatever selection they make. McAllister's easy... Whores. Reynolds is a little more difficult, but he's an alcoholic with money woes. Now, judge Bishop [Inhales deeply] He's the wild card. He's as honest as they come. I might have to threaten his family, but the point is... I'm gonna do whatever I got to do to get you out of here. Ava: How are you, Boyd? Boyd: Sitting in your house in the country, I feel like I'm in my own jail. But I know that this will be back on your finger soon enough. Time's up! [ Clears throat ] Ava: [ Sighs ] Boyd: It's just the truck. [ Engine turns off ] Where are your lead and follow cars? We got separated back at one of the turns. That the money? Boyd: It is. But you don't get it until I see the shipment. I don't know how many of these rodeos you been to, friend. That's not how it works. Boyd: Well, that's how it's gonna work tonight... friend. How 'bout you toss that briefcase over here? Ross? When I shoot him, get that briefcase out of his dead hands. [ Gunshot ] Boyd: No, this ain't my first rodeo. Carl! I got you, Boyd! Boyd: Now, you ain't got any dope in that truck, do you, son? You got to understand. Detroit's in free fall. We never got the dope. Boyd: So, what? You figured you drive South anyway, rip off the simple people? Well, we ain't that simple. Now, you got a man inside that truck? Boyd: What's his name? Donny. Boyd: Donny? Now, you must've heard what just happened to your friends. I'd imagine you want to avoid a similar fate. Now, why don't you slide that door open four inches and ease whatever weapons you have out butt first. [ Gunshot ] Ow! God damn it! Aah! Aah! [ Groans ] Boyd, he got your ear. Boyd: I know. I'm the one who got shot! [ Breathing heavily ] [ Cellphone beeps ] [ Indistinct talking on TV ] It's Crowder. Wynn: [ Sighs ] I didn't take you for a tennis fan, Mr. Crowder, but the only reason I can see you calling at this hour is to discuss Azarenka's last match. Boyd: I had to kill three deliverymen, I got no dope, and my ear's damn near been shot off. Pack a bag. We're going to Detroit. ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ Trying to make it home ♪ ♪ Doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ Pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ You try to bogard ♪ ♪ Fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ Trying to make it home ♪ ♪ Doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ Pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ You're late. We have a shipment coming in... Port of Miami. Dilly: Can I get, uh, one of those? Why don't we just get this done with? The money. How short is this? Dilly: Not a lot. Fifty. Fifty's half. Half's a lot. What'd you do this time? Dilly: What kind of q-question's that? Well, if you were a cook, I'd say, "what's cooking?" But since you're a s-s-screw-up, I'm asking about that. Dilly: Hey. You best not make fun of me. Where's the rest of the money? Dilly: That's all we got from the c-candy company. Yeah? Which candy company is that, Dilly? Dilly: The one that b-bought the sugar. He insisted we stop at the Apalachee casino. Dilly: Indian casinos are rigged against t-the white man. That's a fact. Then why'd you go? Dilly: Can't win if you don't p-play, choo choo. I had an arrangement with the Machado family... not this moron. So, if I'm gonna be dealing with the Crowes, I want to deal with the other brother. Dilly: No! N-no! You can't do that. W-w-why is that? Dilly: The only reason I went to the A-Apalachee is 'cause I already lost a bundle of the family's money on the d-dogs, and I had to make it up. Darryl like as not to beat my ass, he finds out. Gator boy is gonna get us all arrested. Dilly: Come on. Nobody gonna touch you. You're a c-cop. I'm a c-c-coast guard, you... [ Gunshot ] Dilly: [ Breathing heavily ] Now, what'd you do that for? Dilly: T-tired of him making fun of me! [ Groaning ] He alive? Not anymore. Salí de Cuba por esta mierda! Art: I have good news for you. Raylan: What'd I do now? Art: Simon Lee... off-duty Florida coast guard officer under investigation by the feds as missing and presumed dead. Aww. Raylan: If that's the good news, I don't want to hear the bad. Art: Suspect is a Cuban national, violent career criminal by the name of Elvis Manuel Machado. Raylan: Must be a story there. Art: Fugitive task force is looking for Mr. Machado, and among his known associates... Raylan: Dillon Crowe, A.K.A Dilly. I believe you know him. Raylan: Figured he'd be dead by now. Art: That's why I told the task force that you'd be assisting them. Raylan: Art? Art: Yeah, you get to Dilly to get to Machado. Think of it like a family trip. Raylan: The Crowes are a terrible family. Art: I'm not talking 'bout their family. I'm talking 'bout your family. You got a kid down there. Raylan: Yeah, of course. Art: Well, there you go. Quality time is very important when they're little. Raylan: Look, Art. I'd love to see my child, but before we go spending taxpayer money on the ticket, I'd like to remind you we've got a perfectly good Crowe right here in Kentucky. Art: Yes, we're all familiar with Mr. Dewey Crowe, but why would he help you? Raylan: He owes me a favor. Art: Figure he owes you about 300,000 favors. Raylan: I'll go see Dewey, get to the bottom of this. Be back before you know it. Art: You leave today! [ Indistinct conversations ] Well... hey, Raylan. Raylan: Wade. Can I get you a blowjob or something? Raylan: Just some water. I didn't mean me, of course. Uh, guess what. I got out of prison. Raylan: Did you? Yeah. Got out of prison. Raylan: Rode Dickie Bennett's shirttails out of Tramble, on account of the scandal? How'd you know? Raylan: It's protocol to tell me when a known felon who's tried to kill me a couple times has been released... in case they get it in their head to try again. Well, it sounds like a good policy. Raylan: I'm here for the owner. Boyd? He don't own the place no more. Raylan: I'm looking for the new owner. Dewey: Marco! Polo! [ Giggles ] Dewey: Marco! Raylan: Polo! Wade, I told you... Raylan: Don't blame Wade. Dewey: God damn it. Raylan: Now, is that any way to greet your old courtroom buddy Raylan? Out of the pool, please, ladies. Dewey: Hey. No. Hey, hey! You work for him or me? I say they're staying. Now, this is my place. You... Raylan: You don't do as I say, I'm gonna haul 'em in for impeding a federal investigation. If I start arresting girls, how's that for business, Dewey? You and Wade the only two pussies in this whorehouse? It's okay, Dewey. We'll be inside. Dewey: Federal investigation, my ass. You just here to get some payback. Raylan: You, too... out of the pool. Dewey: You just pissed 'cause I got one over on you in court. Well, go ahead! Hit me. I'll probably get another $20,000, $30,000 for that. Raylan: I'm here about a dead coast guard officer. The suspect's tight with your cousins. Dewey: Jesus Christ! That's what you got me out here freezing my balls off for? Raylan: I want you to tell me where a Florida task force can find him. Save me the trip. Dewey: Yeah, how 'bout this? I don't say sh1t until I get my robe. Raylan: Stay put. I'll get it for you. This Boyd's idea, you buying this place? Dewey: I-I told him I want to put my money to work. Raylan: Yeah? He offered to sell you Audry's? Dewey: I don't remember whose idea it was. Raylan: How 'bout this gun in your pocket? Whose idea was that? Dewey: I never seen that. That ain't even loaded. Raylan: Nickle-plated. Engraved. I believe that says "Dewey." Dewey: It's a common name. Raylan: You're a convicted felon. You know that, don't you? As such, you're not allowed the God-given, American right of carrying a concealed weapon... Loaded or unloaded. Now, am I gonna have to arrest you or are you gonna tell me what I need to know? Dewey: Yeah, I'll tell you what I know. I know you owe me an apology. Raylan: Dewey, I believe the $300,000 was the apology. Dewey: [ Scoffs ] No, I ain't talking 'bout the government. I'm talking 'bout you, Raylan Givens. Raylan: I'm sorry. Dewey: Now, you come here to my place... What? Raylan: I said I'm sorry, Dewey. Dewey: You ain't gonna bust my nose again? Raylan: I'm gonna shoot your balls off and feed 'em to the squirrels, you don't tell me what you know. Dewey: I don't know sh1t about no dead coast guard. Raylan: What about your kin? Dewey: I don't know about that, either, and I don't want to know. Them Florida Crowes are bad news. Raylan: Dewey. Dewey: I told you I don't know sh1t! Raylan: Okay. Relax. I believe you. Dewey: God damn it! Get a bucket or something! Raylan. Look at you. This is Gregg Sutter. Gregg's gonna be your chauffeur. Raylan: Chauffeur or babysitter? Heard a lot about you. Raylan: Nothing good, I trust. All interesting. Got any baby pictures? Raylan: Not on me. What do you think? James or Wade? Boy or girl? Raylan: Girl. I'd go with Wade. Elvis Manuel Machado. He's a family enforcer. Machados are Cuban nationals, known drug-smugglers. Raylan: Cocaine or weed? Sugar. Yeah, embargoed sugar from Cuba. Once it's here, they sell it below market to low-rent candy companies. You know, like the dollar-store knock-offs of Mike and Ikes. Raylan: Sure. Got most of the task force of South Florida looking for him right now. And a handful running down an associate... Dilly Crowe... or one of his brothers. Darryl Crowe Jr. Just got parole. He reported twice and then absconded from his last known address. Raylan: That's where I come in. That's where you come in. Raylan: I'm pretty sure Dilly's the dimmest of the lot, and that's saying something. The only time I met him was out near Bell Glade by Clewiston. They were poaching gators as a sideline. That was the day I picked up Darryl Jr., and hauled him off to Starke. I just figured they'd all be locked up or dead by now. Danny: [ Laughs ] [ Dog barking ] You flinched! Kendal: Did not! Darryl: You flinched, you little pussy. Dilly: Hey! Darryl! Darryl: What, Dilly? I'm busy. Dilly: Yeah. A-a-about this, uh, payoff for next week's shipment. Darryl: You ain't got to worry about that. I told the island beaner take care of that. Dilly: Yeah, well... well, w-we did that, but, uh... Darryl: What you mean "we"? I told him he's not supposed to come with me, but you know your brother. He won't listen to me. [ Cap gun popping ] Darryl: Danny, that dog sh1ts in the house 'cause of the racket, I'm gonna make y'all two eat it! Dilly: A-a-anyway, D-Darryl. So, we go over there with the d-d-d... With the money. Dilly: Yeah, all of it. And he says, "I'm out." Darryl: Excuse me. Dilly: Yeah, I told him that he was the key to the entire sugar o-operation, and he says to me, "well, I don't give a sh1t," so I-I shot him. Darryl: You killed him? Technically, I did. [ Cap gun pops ] Darryl: Danny! Danny: If I move, I lose. Darryl: Danny, get! [ Barking continues ] This like that mess you caused at Loxahatchee, ain't it, Dilly? Dilly: Come on, Darryl. Darryl: Where's the body? They find the body, they're gonna find your bullets in him. Dilly: No, no, no. We got the body. Darryl: Where at? In the boat. Dilly: He tried to blow the whistle on us, Darryl. I mean, he was gonna t-turn us in. Darryl, he was gonna bring down the family. Darryl: Shut up. You're dumb. Dumb. Dumb ass! Huh. This gonna turn federal. This... this gonna turn into a federal situation, and when it does, you two are dealing with it, 'cause I'll bury you and Desi Arnaz 'fore I let you ruin this family! You understand me? Now go on, take that body to the Haitian, and pay him to make it disappear. You understand me, Dilly? Dilly, say "I understand" 'fore I smack the sh1t out you. Dilly: I understand. Darryl: You're a dumb, simple, stupid ass! [SCENE_BREAK] All right, coming down! Boyd: Well, I guess texting would take too long. You not been paying attention? They intercepting everything... Satellites and drones and sh1t. You ever been to Detroit? Wynn: I have. I don't believe Mr. Crowder's ever been outside Kentucky. Boyd: Well, I have been to Iraq. It's a lot like Detroit, except you have better music. What happened to your ear? Boyd: Ceiling fan. [ Metallic banging ] Back at you! [SCENE_BREAK] Duffy, you up... along with this cracker... but your other dudes stay here. Through that door. Hey, hold up. Hold up. Take these. Wynn: How far? Till you run out of stairs. Dilly: Oh, sh1t. I know that guy. [ Sighs ] [ Spits ] Jean Baptiste: [ Coughs ] No, no, no, no. We closed. Raylan: Not why we're here. Jean Baptiste: Fish and wildlife? U.S. marshals after fugitives, not alligators. Looking for a Cuban goes by the name of Elvis Manuel Machado. Jean Baptiste: Don't know no Elvises. Raylan: You sure? He's real close with your friends Darryl Jr., Dilly, and all them other Crowes. You don't remember me, do you? Jean Baptiste: What? I give you that tour one time? Raylan: Close. It was here we met. I came by with a search warrant, looking for Darryl. Jean Baptiste: I told you he was in that trailer. Raylan: Opened the door, 120-pound mastiff jumped out. Bit me on the leg. Took 10 stitches and a tetanus shot. I had tickets to Tom Petty with ZZ Top up in Tampa. Never made it, though, 'cause I had to come back here, find Darryl hiding out in the shitter. Jean Baptiste: Darryl not here. Raylan: We're not after Darryl. Just hoping he and his brother can help us find Elvis. Nothing happened to you, though, did it? You're still here, hanging out, pretending to be Tonton Macoute. Jean Baptiste: You know what that means... Tonton Macoute? Mnh-mnh. Jean Baptiste: "Uncle gunnysack." He puts bad children in his sack, and then he eats 'em for breakfast. It's just a fairy tale to scare the little ones, is all. Raylan: Still poaching gators for the Crowes, huh? Jean Baptiste: No poaching. We guides now... even got state tags. Take you on trip way up to the Everglades, you want hunt gator. Maybe you like it so much... You never come back. Raylan: I tried to skip this trip, take care of this in Kentucky with Darryl's cousin Dewey. He came into a boatload of money. You hear about that? No, but all this conversation's making me hungry. You hungry? Raylan: I could eat. Gonna go to that Coopertown restaurant on Tamiami trail. You know it? Jean Baptiste: It's no good. Raylan: Good. That'll give you about an hour to get a hold of Darryl and the boys and see if you can get them to help us out. If you cannot, we're gonna come back here with your friends from fish and wildlife. See how many gator carcasses you got in that shack. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Ha va? Yeah, I'm gonna get you the money I owe you. Who was looking for me? Yo. Come here. Gas is here! Turn around. Turn around, man. Wynn: We were frisked downstairs. Well, you're upstairs now. What happened to your ear? Boyd: There's a fella downstairs looks a lot like you. Why don't you ask him? Yeah, that was last week. Wynn: Must've been quite a party. Gentlemen. Sorry 'bout the hike. On account of his dispute with the Canadians, Sammy needed 14 floors between him and the street. Boyd: It's not the hike you should be apologizing for, Mr. Picker. It's the fact that this trip was even necessary. Yeah, well, those guys who tried to jack you acted on their own. You'd think in a city with 17% unemployment, we could get better help. But... Is that the money? Boyd: It is, but I'm not gonna give it to you. My mama always said, "you want clear water, go to the head of the stream." Wynn: I think what Mr. Crowder is saying is we'd like to speak to Mr. Tonin. Not a problem. Sammy! Yo, Sammy! [ Sighs ] That was last week. Sammy, we got company here! Come on! The guys from Kentucky are here. Who is it? Who are you? Wynn: Mr. Tonin, my name is Wynn Duffy. This is my associate Mr. Crowder. What are you doing here?! Boyd: Why would anyone walk up 14 flights of stairs? To buy the dope we've been promised. [ Chainsaw revs ] Oh. I-I-I was supposed... [ Man screaming ] Canadian. The money's in the briefcase, okay? What? Don't you want it? Yeah, I want it. Well, go get it. [ Both groan ] Boyd: Ah! Ah. [ Revving, screaming continue ] [ Gunshots ] [ Revving, screaming stop ] Yeah, it's me. Sammy's dead. Yeah, I put Doug out of his misery, too. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, and I had to shoot the chainsaw guy. Sorry. sh1t happens. Yeah, they still are. Okay. See you shortly. I'm gonna need that briefcase now. Wynn: [ Breathing heavily ] Aah! sh1t, man! This doesn't concern me! Wynn: So what should you do? Boyd: You were saying? [ Muffled speaking ] Boyd: I'm sorry. Would you say that again? Sammy owes the Canadians almost a million dollars. When I heard you were coming, I cut a deal with the Canadians. I give them the money... Boyd: Our money. And I kill Sammy, and in exchange, they wouldn't kill me. Boyd: Well, it sounds like we need to have a conversation with the canucks. Now pick up my goddamn money. Went to Oklahoma state. Joined the marshals. Met my wife, Julie. Been married 24 years. Got two boys walking this earth. Good guys. Smart. One's a teacher. The other's finishing his second novel in New York. I said, "what's it about?" He said, uh, "the subtext is exposure of artistic pretension." [ Laughs ] Then there's our little girl, Kate. She's a senior now. Wants to be a marshal. Raylan: I better get busy. How long you been married? Raylan: I'm divorced. Yeah, I figured. Well, I think this Darryl Crowe Jr.'s a no-show. You serious about going back and busting that Haitian for poaching? Raylan: That's what I told him I was gonna do. Well, how 'bout we don't do that? You go see your ex-wife and little girl. Raylan: Sounds like a good idea. You know this woman? No, but I'd like to. Wendy: Marshals. You must be Raylan Givens. Raylan: I am. Wendy: Hmm. I've been retained to represent Darryl Crowe Jr. Darryl got your message. He wants you to know that he's willing to help you, but he needs your help in exchange. Raylan: Help with what? Wendy: His parole. He wants to end it early. We're marshals. We can't end anybody's parole. Wendy: Well, you can tell a judge that Darryl aided you in the apprehension of a federal fugitive. That coupled with his exemplary record as prisoner is evidence of his full rehabilitation. Raylan: You really believe that? Wendy: Yes. I do. Raylan: Then you don't know Darryl. Wendy: I know him pretty well. Raylan: What are you, his girlfriend? Wendy: Sister. Where's Darryl now? Wendy: Before we go any further, I'd like you to sign a memo. [ Cellphone vibrates ] Darryl: Long time, Raylan. Raylan: Your sister says you've rehabilitated yourself. Congratulations. Darryl: I owe that to you. If you hadn't brought me in, I never could've taken all them classes on the government's dime. I ain't got no weapon. That'd be a violation of my parole. You won't be offended, I don't take your word for it, huh? Raylan: You study anything on the sugar-import business? Darryl: Nope. We ain't get to that class. Raylan: Maybe something about customs enforcement or maritime law? Darryl: I see where you're going, but that's more Elvis Machado's line. Raylan: Mm-hmm. We got the idea he might be working for you now. Hear he spends a lot of time with Dilly. Darryl: Yeah, well, I told Dilly, "people gonna judge you by the company you keep." But young Dilly got himself a terrible stubborn streak. How 'bout this? You start playing games, we'll violate your parole on account of you absconded from your most recent address without notifying your P.O. Wendy: He's willing to cooperate. Raylan: On his terms. Darryl: Damn. I'm just asking for some leeway in putting together a plan, is all. Y'all have him by tonight. Raylan: Or tomorrow, you go back to Starke. Ah. Wasn't no good? No. See, I told you we should've gone to Timmy's. Hey, do you guys have Tim Hortons in Kentucky? Oh, here we go. It's a doughnut shop. It's a Canadian doughnut shop. You forgot to mention... Well, they might have them down here. Boyd: Look, I like doughnuts as much as the next fella, but we've had a very long... Tim Horton was a hockey player. He played 20 years in the NHL. He won four Stanley cups with the leafs. Now all he's remembered for is doughnuts. Yeah, well, that, and dying in a police chase on the QEW. W-what happened to your ear? Boyd: I was shot while being robbed by one of the men who was supposed to bring us our dope, which is the reason I'm sitting here eating a shitty doughnut, talking to you with this briefcase in my hand. Now can we get down to business? That briefcase was to keep us from killing Mr. Picker. Boyd: Well, the thing is... Half the money in this briefcase belongs to me, and Mr. Picker ain't my problem. Whoa, whoa, whoa. If you want to keep things simple, we could add you and Mr. Eyebrows here to the list. Boyd: Oh, and here I thought all Canadians were supposed to be nice. Wrong Canadians. What he's trying to say is we're through doing business with you people. The idea behind organized crime is that it's supposed to be organized. When people start using chainsaws, that's a sign. And it is not a good sign. Boyd: Where's our dope? [ Sighs ] All right. One more shipment. That's it. Boyd: When? We'll call you. Two days. Maybe three. Wynn: Mr. Crowder. The briefcase. Boyd: You can go now, Mr. Picker. You sure about that? You just lost your Canadian pipeline. You want to stay in the game? You have to look to Mexico. Boyd: Well, I think we worked together long enough, don't you? Wynn: You know people in Mexico, Mr. Picker? I know lots of people in Mexico. Darryl: No. No. Well, w-what you want me to do? He's a goddamn liability. Wendy: This wasn't Dilly's fault. Darryl: I know. It's yours. Wendy: It was yours, dipshit. Putting him in position to screw up? Darryl: Man, we wouldn't even be here, you hadn't stopped handling the payoffs. Wendy: I have a job, Darryl. Do you remember that? I am a paralegal in Miami. Darryl: You ain't sh1t. You're a secretary getting old men coffee. Wendy: Well, this secretary's helping get your ass out of parole. Darryl: That's right. Dilly: [ Sighs ] What you think they're talking about? How should I know? [ Spits ] You want to find out? Get closer. [ Indistinct conversation ] Darryl: So you fancy now, right? Huh? I been taking care of this family 14 years. Wendy: I know. Darryl: 14 years! Wendy: Darryl, I kn... sh1t! Dilly, I told you to stay with the goddamn Cuban. Where is he? I'm here. Darryl: Cool. Look here, man. I'm gonna say this in a language that's real simple that I think you can understand. You out. What's that supposed to mean? Darryl: We ain't got no more sugar business, so your services ain't no longer required. No more sugar biz 'cause you people screwed it up. Now you want me gone? Darryl: See, you understand. You want me gone... pay me. Darryl: Pay you?! sh1t. Pay you? [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Ain't nobody paying you. Wendy: Pay him, Darryl. Darryl: I ain't paying this... Wendy: Pay the man. Think of it as severance. Listen to your sister, Darryl. Darryl: All right, my sister gonna take you to your motel. Lay low. Gonna be there by 8:00 with your money. Wendy, take your car. Why can't I take my truck? Darryl: 'Cause you can't take your truck. They gonna be looking for your truck. Now I'm gonna pat you down. Hey, man. I ain't putting an armed man in a car with my sister. What? You don't trust me? Darryl: Hell no, I don't trust you. Trust nobody who speaks English as a second language. You ain't got no gun? Got rid of it. Threw it in the saw grass after we shot the China. Dilly: When? When you weren't looking. Darryl: All right, go on. [ Cellphone rings ] Raylan: Yeah. Darryl: Yeah, they just left. Slight change of plans, though. She's taking him to the Vista Verde Motel in Miami... Room 23. Yeah, Elvis will be there waiting for me. [SCENE_BREAK] All right. Danny: They get Elvis, it's gonna come back and bite us in the ass. Darryl: Yeah, well, knowing Elvis the way I do and knowing Raylan the way I do, you think either one of them's gonna be alive by the end of the day? Dilly: Well, uh... what about me, D-Darryl? Darryl: Ain't nobody looking for you, Dilly. Dilly: Okay. Danny: Dilly. [ Knife plunges ] I'm sorry. I guessed right. Wendy: About what? About what car we would take. [ Vehicle door closes ] How would you feel if your daughter wanted to be a marshal? Raylan: I don't know. Why? Does it bother you? Well, I know you can't live their lives for 'em. First time she mentioned she wanted to be a marshal, she was 9 years old. Every night since then, I've snuck into her room after she's fallen asleep, and I whisper in her ear... "Business school." Raylan: Well, sh1t. Wendy: You know we can't drive to Cuba. There's a marina down here. [ Engine revs, tires squeal ] [ Cellphone rings ] Raylan: Ms. Crowe, we are at the motel. Where are you? Well, then, where's Elvis? Wendy: Headed for Cuba. [ Panting ] [ Engine sputtering ] Raylan: Yo! Elvis! Where the hell do you think you're going? Raylan: That gives you two choices. You can come back here, and we'll take you in, or swim to Cuba. That old lady just did it. Might work out for you. Third choice. [ Birds chirping ] Darryl: It all work out? Raylan: Elvis did not make it to Cuba. Darryl: I meant the other part. Raylan: I put a call in to the judge this morning. Deal's a deal. Darryl: Calls for a celebration. Raylan: I'm sorry I can't stay. Darryl: She took off this morning. Back to Miami. Raylan: Wendy? Darryl: Almost like the word "family" don't mean sh1t to some people no more. Raylan: What about Danny and Dilly? Darryl: What about 'em? Raylan: How'd they take it? Darryl: sh1t rolls off Danny's back. Dilly... He took it kind of hard. When my daddy, Darryl senior, died 14 years ago April, he made me promise him on his deathbed... I'd keep this family together. Same like he did. No money makes it harder. Raylan: Mm-hmm. Your daddy didn't die in his bed. He got drunk and flipped his airboat. You told me yourself, the day I took you to prison. Listen, if you want to take a later flight, I can drop you by West Palm. Raylan: I haven't slept or showered in a day. Maybe next time, huh? Raylan: I'll decide on the way. At one point, about 20 years ago, I got transferred to Kansas City. I didn't want to uproot the kids in the middle of the school year, so my wife and kids stayed in Houston. I'd just fly in on the weekends to see 'em. Took me a few visits to realize the hardest thing wasn't living apart. The hardest thing was... looking at those little pigs' faces on Sunday night and saying goodbye. [ Engine turns over ] Sometimes, if work kept me in Kansas City for the weekend, I didn't fight it. Darryl: What am I gonna do, mon ami? Jean Baptiste: The same as your family did with the phosphate miners and the Machado's family Cuban sugar. You'll find something... and make it yours. Darryl: That's all well and good, but... I'm afraid I'm fresh out of ideas. I'm afraid Florida's tapped out for the Crowes. Jean Baptiste: Let me ask you something. Do you have a cousin Dewey in Kentucky? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Cellphone rings ] Boyd: It's Geist. Hello? Really? So that's it, then? Everything okay? Boyd: No. Everything is not okay. I told Ava that I would take care of this, that if judge Bishop got the case, I would threaten his family. All right, then. Sounds like a plan. Bishop doesn't have a family. Winona: Well, for one thing, she's a genius. Raylan: No doubt. Winona: No, I'm kind of serious. I saw her take her Booty off, and she was just staring at her hand, like really thinking about it. Raylan: [ Chuckles ] Winona: Can you believe you made something so cute? Raylan: I'm starting to see it. You got to admit, the first couple of hours, she was kind of funny-looking. Winona: Well, yeah, we all look pretty funny at that point. Raylan: No. Not you. I bet you were gorgeous from the jump. Winona: [ Laughs ] I better get her back to bed. Raylan: Okay. Winona: You thinking about coming down to Miami to visit us anytime soon? Raylan: Soon as I can. Winona: Well, no pressure, 'cause we're fine. Raylan: I know you are. Winona: It'd just be really nice for you to spend some time with her. Raylan: I promise. Good night, ladies. Winona: Good night, Raylan. Say good night to daddy. [ Knock on door ] Boyd: I'm sorry to disturb you this late at night, but I need to have a word with Mr. Paxton. Is he here? [ Latvian accent ] And who may I say is asking? Boyd: Boyd Crowder. You need a casket, Mr. Crowder? Boyd: Won't we all eventually? [ Chuckles ] That's an excelsior. Top of the line, fit for a king. Mara, honey, you remember me telling you all about Boyd Crowder. Mm. Mr. Crowder, this is my wife, Mara. Boyd: Well, my compliments. [ Chuckles ] That's all for now, sugar. Money. Boyd: Excuse me? In case you're wondering what she sees in me. Though lately I think her affections are growing. Boyd: Well, judging by her accent, I take it she's not from West Virginia. [ Chuckles ] After I buried dear Barbara... Who, by the way, is very comfortable inside one of those excelsiors... I was lonely. Mara and I found each other online. She was a doctor in Latvia. Now she's helping prepare the bodies for burial. She is well-read, of good cheer, and if I have any choice in how I shuffle off this mortal coil, I pray it's while I'm banging her from behind. Boyd: Well, being in love with a woman, you must understand how much I want to be reunited with mine. I take it you're here because my good friend judge Bishop has Ava's case. You couldn't buy him, so now you're trying to buy me. How much? Boyd: $300,000. I don't have it on me now, but I can get it to you in a week's time. So, we are finally here at last, hmm? It feels almost gratifying. Boyd: I beg your pardon. You, here, on your knees. Metaphorically speaking. Like I said, it's almost gratifying. But I need to see you beg. Boyd: Please, Mr. Paxton. I don't need your money, Mr. Crowder. I got my own. Did you really think that I would let a lowlife piece of sh1t turn the tables on me? That's not how it's done in our world. Now, as a man who's also in love, I would make you a one-time offer. I will call sheriff Mooney. I will get judge Bishop to witness. And you will make a sworn statement saying that it was you who murdered poor Mr. Delroy and forced Ava to move the remains. Now, if you can do that, I'll make the case against her disappear right away. This is just as I figured. It won't happen. Because we both know you don't love your white-trash fiancée that much. [ Groans ] Boyd: [ Grunting ] I think he bumped his head. You killed him. Boyd: Is that your medical opinion? Now, normally, I'm not a violent man. But my back's against the wall. Now, this situation here's pretty simple. We could have a double homicide, or I could pay you what I was gonna pay him and you can buy a big house for all your relatives in Latvia. How much were you gonna pay him? Boyd: $100,000. I'll tell them it was a burglar. Boyd: Well, what if I said I don't believe you? Whatever I say doesn't matter. You have two choices. Either you kill me or you leave now. Boyd: [ Chuckles ] [ Door closes ] It's okay, baby. I'll take care of you.	Plan: A: Raylan; Q: Who tangles with a deadly branch of the Crowe Family Tree? A: a deadly branch; Q: What branch of the Crowe Family Tree does Raylan tangle with? A: the Crowe Family Tree; Q: What family tree does Raylan tangle with in Florida? A: the collapsing Detroit Mob; Q: Boyd goes into the dark heart of what? Summary: In the swamplands of Florida, Raylan tangles with a deadly branch of the Crowe Family Tree, while Boyd goes into the dark heart of the collapsing Detroit Mob.
"The Girl in the Mask" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER [OPEN: INT. ROYAL DINER - DAY. BRENNAN is showing BOOTH files on her interns.] BRENNAN: Overall, Clark is the most astute and experienced. BOOTH: Ah, so hire him. BRENNAN: (changing files) Wendell has the most potential, and he has an excellent work ethic. BOOTH: Plus, you know, he's somewhat normal. BRENNAN: Well, that's what you like. (changing files) Vincent is the most intelligent. BOOTH: Well, that's what you like, so you should hire him. I mean, this person's going to be your right-hand man. BRENNAN: Well, I've decided to take your opinion into account as I make this decision. BOOTH: Really? BRENNAN: I'm making an effort. [BOOTH's phone rings.] BOOTH: Well. (into phone) Booth. [CUT TO: EXT. TOKYO, JAPAN - ALLEY - NIGHT. KEN NAKAMURA is sitting at an outdoor eatery.] KEN NAKAMURA: Agent Booth, this is Sergeant Nakamura. BOOTH: Nake! My friend Nake with the sake! How's it hanging? NAKAMURA: I'm afraid they are not hanging well, Booth. BOOTH: What's wrong? NAKAMURA: My sister has not returned my calls. It has been five days. BOOTH: Okay, look, we all know how overly protective you are of Sachi. Your sister- NAKAMURA: You're a cop like me, Booth. She calls every day. Something's wrong. BOOTH: Okay, so why are you telling me? NAKAMURA: 'Cause I'm in Tokyo. BOOTH: Oh, Sachi's here in D.C.? NAKAMURA: Almost two months. (getting agitated) She told me she called you. She has not called you? BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, whoa, just relax, all right? 21-year-old girl probably doesn't want her brother's friend cramping her style. NAKAMURA: If I fly in, can you help me look for her? BOOTH: I'll tell you what. Just text me her information, I'll track her down and I'll make her call you. Okay? I promise. NAKAMURA: Arigato. (Translation: Thank you.) BOOTH: Dewa mata. (Translation: See you later.) NAKAMURA: Dewa mata, Booth. [BOOTH and NAKAMURA hang up.] [CUT TO: INT. BOOTH'S SUV - DAY. BOOTH is driving. BRENNAN is in the passenger's seat. A call has been placed to DET. RICK FRAME.] DET. RICK FRAME: Detective Frame. BOOTH: Hey, Rick, it's Booth. Listen, I'm looking for a little interagency cooperation. RICK: What do you need? BOOTH: Hey, has there been any action on a Japanese national, legal entry named Sachi Nakamura? Female, age 21? RICK: Uh, give me a minute. BRENNAN: (to BOOTH) When were you in Japan? BOOTH: A few years ago on an exchange program with the Tokyo police. Nak's a great guy, man. He and his sister, you know, they made me feel like family. BRENNAN: But he's overprotective? BOOTH: He worries. Every parent does. BRENNAN: (confused) But he's her brother. BOOTH: Raised his little sister after his parents died. That makes him a parent. RICK: I got a hit on your girl. A car registered to her was found abandoned near Tillbrook Salt Marshes. [BOOTH winces.] BRENNAN: Salt marshes. That's a pretty popular place to dump a body, Booth. BOOTH: Yeah. (turns on police sirens) [CUT TO: EXT. TILLBROOK SALT MARSHES - NIGHT. Workers are moving about. BOOTH and BRENNAN pull up in the SUV. They exit the vehicle and walk up to OFFICER LISA KOPEK.] BOOTH: Hey, I'm Special Agent- OFFICER LISA KOPEK: (interrupting) Booth. Yeah. Detective Frame told me to wait on you before I had this vehicle towed. BRENNAN: Well, that was nice of him. KOPEK: I'm Officer Lisa Kopek. Car is registered to Sachi Nakamura, 311 Ring Road, here on a work visa from Tokyo, Japan. I printed her visa photo. (hands SACHI NAKAMURA's visa photo to BOOTH) BRENNAN: (studying the car) This is blood on the upholstery. KOPEK: Yeah. BOOTH: Any sign of the girl? KOPEK: No. BOOTH: Damn. KOPEK: Yeah. Checked her residence; it's empty. Looks like it's been that way a couple days. Also no sign of her roommate, Nozomi Sato. (hands NOZOMI SATO's visa photo to BOOTH) Ms. Sato's here on a lapsed student visa. (beat) I got a request in for cadaver dogs. [BRENNAN has made her way into the marsh.] BOOTH: (running after BRENNAN) Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, Bones, what we usually do here is wait for people in rubber boots. BRENNAN: I see something... BOOTH: (hesitating at the edge of the water) I just-I just got these shoes, so... [BRENNAN approaches something in the water.] BOOTH: What is it, a body? BRENNAN: No, it's some kind of mask. BOOTH: Okay, Bones, come on, get out of there. Let's go. BRENNAN: (lifting the mask) Booth? BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: There's flesh in the mask. Human head. KOPEK: Is she serious? BOOTH: Yeah, always. BRENNAN: And Booth? This mask appears to be Japanese in design. OPENING CREDITS [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION PLATFORM - DAY. BRENNAN, HODGINS and CAM are studying the skull.] BRENNAN: Based on the weak prominence of the arcus superciliaris, the victim is female. The head was decapitated between C5 and C6 vertebrae. CAM: Judging from decomp and discoloration, I'd estimate the head was in the pond a minimum of four days. BRENNAN: Can you confirm decapitation as cause of death? CAM: Nope, victim was in the water too long. The blood leached out. HODGINS: There's trace lodged deep in the striae. The blade could have transferred particulates from the ground into the wound tract when it was withdrawn from the bone. [Enter ANGELA.] ANGELA: (to BRENNAN) Hey, Sweetie, Booth is in your office. He's got some people with him. BRENNAN: Thanks. [Exit BRENNAN.] ANGELA: (groans) Just when I thought it couldn't get worse. [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - BRENNAN'S OFFICE - DAY. BRENNAN finds BOOTH already present with KEN NAKAMURA and DR. HARU TANAKA.] BOOTH: Bones, this here is Sachi Nakamura's brother Ken. BRENNAN: (bows) Hajimemashite. Oai dekite kouei desu. (Rough translation: Greetings. It is an honor to meet you.) NAKAMURA: The honor is mine, Dr. Brennan. (bows) May I present to you... (turns toward DR. HARU TANAKA) BRENNAN: I know. Dr. Haru Tanaka. The Emperor awarded Dr. Tanaka the Grand Cordon of the Order of the Rising Sun for Dr. Tanaka's paper on investigation of second, fourth and eighth sternal rib end variations related to age estimation. It was brilliant. (bows) DR. HARU TANAKA: (bows) I am honored to meet you. Everyone in the field accepts that you are the best. BRENNAN: Yes, I know. (bows) BOOTH: (to BRENNAN) I told Ken and the doctor that they can aid in the investigation. BRENNAN: That is against protocol, Booth. BOOTH: (quietly) Bones, this could be his sister. BRENNAN: I would enjoy working with Dr. Tanaka. (bows) [NAKAMURA and TANAKA bow.] [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION PLATFORM - DAY. BRENNAN and TANAKA are studying the skull while CAM, BOOTH and NAKAMURA observe.] BOOTH: You gonna be okay with this? NAKAMURA: I am fine. TANAKA: There is a contact wound inferior to the mandible, exiting slightly anterior to the Bregma point. BRENNAN: That would be consistent with a gunshot wound. BOOTH: (approaching the examination table) Bones, maybe you should just jump ahead and I.D. the victim. TANAKA: Maxilla and zygomatic conform to her photograph. [CAM appears uncomfortable and looks at NAKAMURA, who seems troubled. TANAKA loosens the skull's jawbone and turns the opening toward BRENNAN.] BRENNAN: The palate is fractured but appears parabolic with a straight suture across the palatine bone, indicating that she was a native Japanese speaker. (turning to NAKAMURA) Did your sister have any kind of distinctive facial scarring or dental work? NAKAMURA: When Sachi was eight, she fell doing gymnastics, broke her jaw. It was wired for two months. BRENNAN: (studying the jaw) Impact fracture from a fall. Remodeling of the jaw suggests that it occurred prior to puberty. (turning to NAKAMURA) I feel comfortable identifying the remains as your sister. I'm very sorry. NAKAMURA: Thank you. (beat) If you would excuse me. [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - HALLWAY - DAY. BOOTH approaches NAKAMURA from behind.] BOOTH: Hey, Nak, listen. I have agents looking for Sachi's roommate. There's a chance the roommate may have seen something. NAKAMURA: (strained) Yes. Good. BOOTH: I'm sorry, Nak. NAKAMURA: (turning to BOOTH) You have a child. You know it was my responsibility to keep her safe. She was 21, but still a child. BOOTH: All right, come on, let me get you back to the hotel. You get some rest. NAKAMURA: Not until we find who did this. BOOTH: I hear you, Nak, but we need a lead, something we can go on. NAKAMURA: Sachi was going to move back to Japan. (takes out card with photos of SACHI and hands it to BOOTH) But the man who took these pictures said he could make her a model. BOOTH: Okay, there's something. Right? (pats NAKAMURA on the shoulder) [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY. A mask sits atop a stand. Enter SWEETS, HODGINS, ANGELA and TANAKA, who all gather around the mask.] SWEETS: Whoa, this is like one of those big-eyed paintings they sell at the mall. TANAKA: Uh, the mask is based on anime design. ANGELA: Japanese animation. HODGINS: (sarcastically) So, someone had it out for a cartoon character? TANAKA: No, this is original. Uh, not representing any of the well-known characters: Sailor Moon, Faye Valentine, Motoko. SWEETS: The mask could have been used by the killer to dehumanize the victim, allowing whoever decapitated her to distance himself from the ugly reality of her death. TANAKA: Hmm, you are entering the realm of psychology, a field of unverifiable speculation. Perhaps I can be of further help to Dr. Brennan. (bows) [Exit TANAKA.] SWEETS: (offended) Sometimes I hate hard science. I know that seems immature, but that's just how I feel. ANGELA: So any guesses? HODGINS: We don't really have enough evidence yet. ANGELA: No, not the case. The doctor. (steps toward doorway where TANAKA had exited, mischievously) Dude or dudette? [SWEETS and HODGINS exchange looks.] SWEETS: I don't know. HODGINS: I... (shrugs) [CUT TO: INT. MICAH STRUTT'S STUDIO - DAY. BOOTH and NAKAMURA enter.] BOOTH: Now remember, Nak, this is my investigation. You're just a tourist. NAKAMURA: Just a tourist. MICAH STRUTT: (approaching) Micah Strutt. How can I help you? BOOTH: (flashes his badge) FBI. I'd like to ask you a few questions about Sachi Nakamura and Nozomi Sato. STRUTT: Sure. They were the roommates, right? Nice kids. BOOTH: When did you see them last? STRUTT: Must be about a couple months now. They came in for a shoot. [NAKAMURA has made his way toward a large poster with a photo of two scantily-clad women. BOOTH follows.] BOOTH: (reading off poster) Pappa Puffs. STRUTT: Yeah, the girls worked there. NAKAMURA: You made them pose like this? STRUTT: Me? No. That was their idea. They convinced their boss to do some advertising, but he went postal when he saw the proofs. That old jerk fired them for this. The 21st century, who cares about a little skin, right? [NAKAMURA turns around angrily. BOOTH steps in front of him.] BOOTH: He does. That's his sister. [CUT TO: INT. PAPPA PUFFS TEA HOUSE - DAY. Strangely-dressed workers and patrons are moving about. BOOTH and NAKAMURA walk in.] BOOTH: (looking around) Hey, I feel like someone slipped something into my coffee, huh? NAKAMURA: Fashion is the way the Japanese youth rebel against traditional social roles. BOOTH: What is with the, uh, "amaloli" girls? I never expected to see the, uh, "Sweet Lolitas" here in the States. NAKAMURA: The culture follows the youth. It's just innocent role playing. Usually. BOOTH: (noticing a masked patron at the back) Nak... NAKAMURA: I see. BOOTH: (to a cook) Excuse me. You the owner? BRUCE TAKEDO: Why do you ask? BOOTH: (flashes his badge) FBI. [TAKEDO returns to his work, ignoring BOOTH.] NAKAMURA: (in Japanese) I am sorry to bother you. My name is Ken Nakamura. (bows) TAKEDO: Takedo Bruce. (bows) NAKAMURA: We need your help. (to BOOTH) As a tourist. BOOTH We'd like to ask you a few questions about Sachi Nakamura and her friend Nozomi. TAKEDO: Are Sachi and Nozomi in trouble? BOOTH: Well, Sachi is dead and Nozomi is missing. TAKEDO: (surprised by the news) I've known them since they started coming for the tea parties. They were anime girls. I gave them jobs. BOOTH: (takes out a picture of the mask found at the marsh and holds it out to TAKEDO) Is this the, uh, mask that, uh, Sachi was wearing to the parties? TAKEDO: No, that's Nozomi's. What happened? Those girls were like family. BOOTH: You always fire family? TAKEDO: They developed other interests. They didn't belong here anymore. I tried to talk to them, explain what a bad choice they were making. NAKAMURA: What are you talking about? TAKEDO: The girls started working for an escort service. I couldn't allow that here. Families come here. NAKAMURA: (angrily) That's not possible. TAKEDO: It's true. NAKAMURA: (to BOOTH) Not my sister. TAKEDO: Your sister? BOOTH: You know the name of the escort service? TAKEDO: Elegant Escorts. NAKAMURA: (furious) Don't believe you! (in Japanese) MY SISTER IS NOT A PROSTITUTE! [BOOTH holds back NAKAMURA. TANAKA picks up his cleaver and holds it out threateningly.] BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! (to TAKEDO) Put the cleaver down, pal. Easy. Put it down. [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY. CAM is about to experiment on the skull. Enter TANAKA.] TANAKA: Dr. Saroyan. CAM: Dr. Tanaka. TANAKA: With your permission, I would like to free the head of tissue. CAM: I have a test to perform first. [TANAKA bows and turns to leave.] CAM: You're welcome to observe. TANAKA: (turns back and nods) This is ferrozine? CAM: (swabbing the skull) Yes, I'm testing for gunshot residue. [CAM places the pad on a petri dish and sprays it with a chemical. Nothing happens.] TANAKA: No reaction. CAM: Any shot fired within five feet would've left residue. TANAKA: (pointing) The angle of entry was steep, exiting at the top of the cranium. CAM: Sachi was only five feet tall. Even if her killer was lying on the ground, there'd be residue. TANAKA: Perhaps she was coming downstairs. CAM: Or maybe standing on the balcony of her apartment? (putting on her mask) Grab some goggles and a mask. [TANAKA does so. CAM picks up the skull and places it in a clamp.] CAM: Did you know the victim, Dr. Tanaka? TANAKA: I met Sachi three times. She and her brother were very close. CAM: That's a very big favor to do to Detective Nakamura, coming all the way from Japan. TANAKA: I would do anything for him. CAM: Okay. [CAM starts her medical saw and uses it to cut off the top of the skull. She detaches it from the rest of the skull and places it on a tray.] CAM: There. (handing the tray to TANAKA) While I examine the wound track, you can analyze exit trauma. TANAKA: Thank you. [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - HALLWAY - DAY. BRENNAN is walking with NAKAMURA.] BRENNAN: Since Booth took you out of the field, I thought perhaps you'd like to consolidate the results of our analysis to convey to Booth. [BRENNAN and NAKAMURA enter BRENNAN's office.] NAKAMURA: You are trying to make me feel useful. BRENNAN: No, I-I don't really do things like that. NAKAMURA: I owe you for talking Booth out of sending me home. BRENNAN: Wasn't me. Booth is a very empathetic man. NAKAMURA: Yes. Are you aware how we met? BRENNAN: Um, some kind of exchange program? NAKAMURA: Hai. Most of the FBI agents showed up and started telling us how to handle our organized crime problem. Booth said nothing. Two, three days, just listening. BRENNAN: He was quiet? That (chuckles) that does not sound like Booth. NAKAMURA: Then he asked a question. (approaching BRENNAN's desk) He asked, "How would you gentlemen handle our organized crime problem?" He was respectful. BRENNAN: That is the basis of your friendship? NAKAMURA: That, and a situation incited by a gallon of sake, a police boat, and Uraga Harbor at dawn. [BRENNAN laughs.] NAKAMURA: You're a lucky woman, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: To work with Booth. I know. NAKAMURA: To work with Booth. Yes. [CUT TO: INT. ROYAL DINER - DAY.] COOK: (handing a plate to WAITRESS) There you go. [Enter SWEETS and HODGINS.] SWEETS: So the mask didn't belong to the killer; it belonged to Nozomi, Sachi's roommate. HODGINS: Okay, so? SWEETS: So perhaps the killer wasn't trying to dehumanize his victim. HODGINS: (to WAITRESS) Two coffees, please? WAITRESS: You got it. [HODGINS and SWEETS sit down.] HODGINS: Well, maybe he just had a thing for girls in masks. I mean, I get that. SWEETS: You do? HODGINS: Yeah. [SWEETS gives HODGINS a strange look.] HODGINS: In an objective, evidentiary way. [SWEETS continues to look strangely at HODGINS.] HODGINS: (annoyed) You had a point? SWEETS: Yeah, I think that the killer was purposely projecting Nozomi's identity onto his murder victim. [Enter ANGELA.] ANGELA: Hey. So, I googled Tanaka. 300 hits, all Japanese, none with a personal pronoun. HODGINS: Maybe we should just ask her. ANGELA: Him. SWEETS: (groans) You people can identify human remains based on a tiny little finger bone, but you can't judge the s*x of a person standing right in front of you? Does nobody else see the irony in this? HODGINS: Of course. But, as a scientist, I also see the challenge. SWEETS: Well, Dr. Tanaka identifies with a subset of an urban Japanese aesthetic known as kei. [WAITRESS brings them their coffee.] SWEETS: (to WAITRESS) Thank you. (turning back to HODGINS and ANGELA) It glorifies androgyny. HODGINS: Well, mission accomplished there, Dr. Tanaka. ANGELA: You know, I think you're probably right. We should just ask him. HODGINS: Her. SWEETS: Tanaka won't answer. That's the whole point. Gender is unimportant. We should be mature enough to accept Dr. Tanaka just the way Dr. Tanaka is. HODGINS: Yeah, you know what? You're right. Who cares? ANGELA: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't really matter what he is. HODGINS: She. What she is. [ANGELA and HODGINS exchange looks. SWEETS slams the tabletop with both hands, exasperated.] [CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - SIDE OF STREET - DAY. BOOTH is leaning against a car. BRENNAN is standing in front of him. JAMES SOK runs up to them.] JAMES SOK: Do you mind? (opens the hood of the car, which belongs to him) BOOTH: Yeah, actually, I do. James Sok, right? Elegant Escorts? (flashes his badge) SOK: Yeah. So? I run a legitimate business. BOOTH: (slams down on the hood of SOK's car, shutting it) You're a pimp. I don't like pimps. BRENNAN: He really doesn't. BOOTH: No. BRENNAN: Your record says that you assaulted Bruce Takedo. SOK: Those charges were dropped. Because the guy attacked me (lifting his shirt to show a long scar) with a knife. All I did was protect myself. BOOTH: Really? Probably because you were recruiting at his place. SOK: Middle-aged guy, surrounds himself with schoolgirls, maybe he's the guy you want to look at. BOOTH: Nozomi Sato. (holds out a picture of NOZOMI) You recognize her? SOK: Yeah. I like Nozomi. BRENNAN: Well, she's missing. SOK: Well, most of my models come from Asia. They-they're young, flaky. Sometimes they take off. BOOTH: You know, you got a sweet life, Jimmy. You got a houseboat down at the marina. You got cash rolling in. If you want to live your life as my prime suspect in the murder of Sachi Nakamura, that's just fine. But just know, as of right now, your business is done. (taps the top of SOK's car) SOK: (unfazed) Or? BOOTH: Or you give me something shiny to distract me. SOK: I don't know anything about Sachi Nakamura. But, uh, Nozomi booked a client last Friday, and I haven't seen her since. BRENNAN: (to BOOTH) That's the day that Sachi Nakamura disappeared. BOOTH: What's the client's name? SOK: Banker named Vogler. Got hurt bad in the Big Crunch. Made him mean. And Nozomi didn't mind a little of the rough stuff. BOOTH: Let's go, Bones. SOK: That shiny enough for ya? BOOTH: (steps up close to SOK, threateningly) Excuse me? BRENNAN: Booth? (pulling BOOTH away) Okay, come on. [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY. TANAKA and CAM are studying the top of the skull. An enlarged version of the exit wound is displayed across a monitor. NAKAMURA is observing.] TANAKA: There is a small scratch to the left of the exit wound. CAM: (pointing to the screen) And the directionality is outward from the midpoint of the coronal suture. TANAKA: Whatever pierced the skull must have splintered back inside. NAKAMURA: Splintered? It was a gunshot. Don't you mean fragmented? TANAKA: There are no striations on the cross section of the exit wound. CAM: So she wasn't killed by a bullet? TANAKA: That is my assessment. NAKAMURA: (agitated) What could have been driven through her head? [TANAKA gives CAM an uncomfortable look.] CAM: (to NAKAMURA, pointedly) Perhaps you can inform Booth that the murder weapon was not a gun. [NAKAMURA understands and exits.] CAM: (to TANAKA) And we can X-ray the brain to see if we find any evidence of splinters. [Enter HODGINS.] HODGINS: I ran the particulates from the C5 through the mass spec. Nematodes, turbellaria, copepods, blah blah blah... all congruent with the marsh where the head was found. TANAKA: (to CAM) I am not familiar with the 'blah blah blah.' HODGINS: But I also found bird vomit on the victim's head. TANAKA: Now I truly do not understand. CAM: Totally lost. HODGINS: Okay, uh, all right. (waves CAM and TANAKA toward a computer) In salt marshes, there are high marshes, low marshes, and salt flats. CAM: Dr. Brennan found the head on the low marsh. HODGINS: Yes, but the bird vomit comes from catoptrophorus semipalmatus. (looks from CAM to TANAKA) A willet. (looks from TANAKA to CAM; both are lost) The willet is a high marsh creature. But the cadaver dogs are looking here on the low marsh. (points at screen) They should be looking here in the high marsh, where the willet is found. TANAKA: But that is miles away. HODGINS: Yeah, which is why we need to call the search team. CAM: (pointing at screen) Why would someone cut a head off a body here, and drive miles away to dispose of the head here? HODGINS: I rarely find motive in bird vomit. [CUT TO: EXT. TILLBROOK SALT MARSHES - DAY. BOOTH, BRENNAN, an OFFICER, and his cadaver dog are present.] OFFICER #1: (to dog) Seek! [The dog seeks, leading the party to a second OFFICER, who is standing by with a second cadaver dog.] OFFICER #1: (to OFFICER #2) Okay. It's here. OFFICER #2: Okay. [A dog barks. A headless body has already been located in the tall grass. BRENNAN approaches the body and touches the exposed vertebrae.] BOOTH: Bones? [BRENNAN looks up and nods. BOOTH sighs and dials a number on his phone.] BOOTH: (on the phone) Nak, I think we found her. [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION PLATFORM - DAY. The body is wheeled into the autopsy theatre in a bag. Present are BRENNAN, CAM, TANAKA and, from a distance, NAKAMURA.] CAM: I will autopsy the remains, then give the body back to Dr. Brennan, so she can remove the tissue. BRENNAN: The marks on the vertebrae will give us a clearer idea of the weapon used to decapitate her. CAM: Dr. Tanaka can help me prepare the brain for liquefaction. [BRENNAN begins to unzip the body bag. NAKAMURA is watching as she begins unwrapping the body. It is in terrible shape. NAKAMURA turns away. BRENNAN notices.] BRENNAN: (to TANAKA) Perhaps he shouldn't be here. TANAKA: If he doesn't ask for help, it would be an insult for me to offer. It would imply weakness. [BRENNAN nods and approaches NAKAMURA.] BRENNAN: (to NAKAMURA) I realize that staying here shows great strength and commitment to your sister's memory. She is lucky to have such a devoted brother. But it is distracting for us and might compromise our work. I'm sure you wouldn't want that. NAKAMURA: Of course not. BRENNAN: I will come to you with any news. [BRENNAN returns to the examination table. Exit NAKAMURA.] [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY. CAM and NAKAMURA are liquefying the victim's brain by cooking it under a red light.] CAM: The heat and vibration will liquefy the tissue enabling us to examine whatever foreign particle was picked up by the X-ray. TANAKA: This was an excellent idea. CAM: Thank you. [While waiting for the brain to liquefy, CAM steals peeks at TANAKA, presumably trying to gauge gender. TANAKA catches CAM staring.] TANAKA: Is there something wrong? CAM: What? No. Why? TANAKA: You were staring at me. CAM: I was? (stammering) I was... I don't... I didn't realize. I... like your shirt. [TANAKA looks down at the shirt, unconvinced.] CAM: (trying to change the subject) Oh, wow, look at that brain. (flips off the red light) TANAKA: Oh, I think I see it. (pulls out the tray and picks up a piece of splinter with forceps) What is it? CAM: Wood? TANAKA: The wound track wasn't from a bullet, but from a piece of wood being thrust into her skull? CAM: Let's not get ahead of ourselves; give it to Hodgins so we know exactly what we're dealing with. TANAKA: Right away. He has also been staring. (sarcastically) It seems many people like my shirt. [CAM watches TANAKA leave.] [CUT TO: INT. MASSAGE PARLOR - DAY. PAUL VOGLER is lying face-down and receiving a massage from a MASSEUSE. BOOTH and BRENNAN burst in.] BOOTH: Paul Vogler? PAUL VOGLER: (groans) What the hell? BRENNAN: (to MASSEUSE) Don't stop because of us. BOOTH: (to VOGLER) I'd like to ask you a few questions about Nozomi Sato. BRENNAN: (to MASSEUSE) How much do you charge for a massage? MASSEUSE: Two hundred dollars. BOOTH: Bones. BRENNAN: What? That seems way too much. Her knowledge of the skeletal and musculature systems seems minimal at best. BOOTH: Right. Uh, she's not that type of masseuse. (to VOGLER) So, Nozomi Sato? VOGLER: Who? BOOTH: You know, the prostitute you like beating up. VOGLER: I don't know what you're talking about. BOOTH: Okay, fine. We'll just go subpoena the phone records from Elegant Escorts. (turns to leave) VOGLER: I saw her a few times. BOOTH: (turning back) Oh, really? VOGLER: Yeah, to blow off some steam. You know. A photographer who did some ads for my firm, he's the one that gave me the Elegant flyer. BRENNAN: Micah Strutt? VOGLER: Yeah. I guess he shot for them, too. BRENNAN: (approaching the massage bed, to MASSEUSE) You-You should really focus on the iliocostalis and the longissimus. That's where most people carry their tension. Like this. (presses her elbow into VOGLER's back) VOGLER: Oh! Whoa! Whoa, that's great. BRENNAN: (to MASSEUSE) You see? That's what they want. MASSEUSE: (awkwardly) Not... usually. BOOTH: Bones, she's a "happy ending" masseuse, okay? "Happy ending." BRENNAN: Oh... BOOTH: (slides a picture of SACHI NAKAMURA under the face hole of the massage bed, to VOGLER) What about this girl? VOGLER: (lifting his head) I never met her. Nozomi was the only escort I was seeing. BOOTH: You seem to be a fine collector of Asian art. (snaps open an article about VOGLER and holds it up to him) Do you want to explain the sword on the wall there, in the background? VOGLER: It's a Nihonto sword. BRENNAN: It was used by the feudal executioners to behead the condemned. VOGLER: (turning to BRENNAN) Yeah, I know. I had to sell it. I lost a fortune in the market. BOOTH: Right. How convenient of you to sell the sword off, you know, 'cause Sachi Nakamura was beheaded. VOGLER: What? BOOTH: Beheaded. VOGLER: Hey, I don't know what you're thinking- BRENNAN: (interrupting) Hitting the iliohypogastric nerve can be extremely painful. [BRENNAN digs her elbow into VOGLER's back. VOGLER cries out in pain.] BOOTH: Where's the sword now? VOGLER: Listen- [BRENNAN presses her elbow into VOGLER's back again. VOGLER cries out.] VOGLER: I'm not saying another word to you people without my lawyer. BOOTH: Fine. That's fine with us. We'll be in touch. (taps VOGLER on the shoulder with his article) Come on, Bones. [BOOTH rises from his seat and goes to open the door. As BOOTH and BRENNAN are about to leave, VOGLER cries out again. The MASSEUSE has hit VOGLER's iliohypogastric nerve.] BRENNAN: Oh, she's a quick learner. BOOTH: Yeah, very quick. [BOOTH and BRENNAN leave as VOGLER continues to cry out.] [SCENE_BREAK] [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - MAIN - DAY. ANGELA catches a passing CAM.] ANGELA: Hey, I did a little research on Strutt Photography. CAM: I almost asked Tanaka. ANGELA: (gasps) No! Really? CAM: (heading into ANGELA's office with ANGELA) Not that it matters, but he - she/he - caught me staring. I didn't mean to, but I had an opening, you know, but I didn't know how to lead off. If I said he/she was a girl, and he/she was a guy, he/she might be offended, or other way around, same thing. God, I missed the ease of a simple pronoun. ANGELA: Yeah, tell me about it. (turns to computer) All right, check out Strutt Photography's website. Now, there's a link to additional services, which requires permission and a password. I traced the IP address and I found the FTP site that contains all the uploads. Then I bypassed the password protection by hacking into the server where his web address is registered. CAM: Why do I feel like my checking account isn't safe? ANGELA: Look what Mr. Strutt's been hiding. [Many photos of SACHI NAKAMURA pop up on the screen.] CAM: These pictures definitely weren't taken at Strutt's studio. ANGELA: (as she zooms into various photos) Long lens, foreground objects, probably taken without the subject's consent. CAM: Classic stalker photos. ANGELA: Mm-hmm. CAM: If he was stalking Sachi... ANGELA: Maybe it wasn't just pictures he wanted to shoot. [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY. BRENNAN and TANAKA are examining the victim's bones.] TANAKA: Forgive me, Dr. Brennan, but I must ask if you are familiar with the Shinto idea of kami? BRENNAN: The spiritual essence of an object? TANAKA: Yes. I cannot define what is missing from this skull, how its kami is incomplete. BRENNAN: Maybe because the top of the cranium had been removed. TANAKA: Perhaps. I often find that handling the bone gives me insight to that pure science cannot explain. BRENNAN: Well, I find that pure science is the only thing that gives satisfactory explanations, Dr. Tanaka. (turns back to the skull) There is something with the temporal bone. (hands the skull to TANAKA) TANAKA: (touching the temporal bone) Yes. The tympanomastoid. A swelling in the air space. (hands the skull back to BRENNAN) BRENNAN: Tympanomastoid hemorrhaging in the absence of a bleeding diathesis. TANAKA: (suddenly realizing) The victim was drowned. BRENNAN: Very impressive, Dr. Tanaka. TANAKA: It wasn't me. It was the kami. (touches the top of the skull and bows her head slightly) [Enter CAM.] CAM: Well, she wasn't killed by whatever pierced her brain. I aspirated her lungs. Cause of death was drowning. [BRENNAN and TANAKA share a look.] [CUT TO: INT. MEDIO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION PLATFORM - DAY. HODGINS pushes a stand toward BRENNAN as she enters with CAM, who is carrying the victim's lung in a bowl.] BRENNAN: We need to determine if the victim was drowned in the marsh or somewhere else. HODGINS: No problem. I'll analyze the water samples from the lungs. (turning to computer) Now, I discovered what the splinter from the brain tissue is. It's pseudosasa japonica. It's arrow bamboo. It's ornamental. (turning back to BRENNAN and CAM) Only grows indoors in this climate. BRENNAN: Sharpened bamboo could easily pierce the skull. CAM: The girl was drowned first, a mask was put on her, then she was decapitated and her head was mounted on a bamboo stake? HODGINS: Yeah, then the head was tossed into the marsh? CAM: Let's find out what kind of water was in her lungs. [FADE TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - BRENNAN'S OFFICE - DAY. NAKAMURA is looking at a photo of his sister SACHI. Enter BRENNAN, who pauses at the doorway.] NAKAMURA: She was beautiful, wasn't she? BRENNAN: (approaches and looks at photo) Yes, she was. A beautiful young woman. NAKAMURA: Which is probably why she came to America. She felt like a woman and wanted to be rid of a big brother watching her all the time. BRENNAN: My parents left me and my brother when I was 15. My brother was the only family that I had then. But he walked out on me, too. NAKAMURA: I'm sorry. BRENNAN: I turned out quite well, actually. But it would've been nice to have had a brother like you. (long pause) According to the FBI logs, she called you every day, often twice a day. And the conversations... never were less than five minutes and averaged 15 minutes. NAKAMURA: This has meaning for you? BRENNAN: Objectively speaking, it would indicate a, an irrefutable desire to connect. A deep and abiding love. NAKAMURA: I cannot imagine never talking to her again. BRENNAN: I myself have no one in my life whom I talk to that much. Outside of work, I mean. (beat) Perhaps that is good. NAKAMURA: How so? BRENNAN: I can see how much pain you're in. [NAKAMURA looks down.] BRENNAN: Is it worth it? [NAKAMURA looks back up and frowns.] BRENNAN: To have your own happiness so contingent upon another human being? NAKAMURA: If I was willing to give up my life for Sachi... why would I not be willing to risk my happiness for her? [FADE TO: INT. BOOTH'S SUV - DAY. BRENNAN and BOOTH are speaking with CAM, HODGINS and NAKAMURA on the phone.] CAM: Hodgins analyzed the water in Sachi's lungs. HODGINS: I found dibromides. It's the active ingredient in algaecides used to treat water features. BRENNAN: So the victim wasn't drowned in the salt marshes. She was drowned in a water feature? BOOTH: Hey, the photographer has a water thing in his lobby. BRENNAN: (correcting) Water feature. Water feature. BOOTH: I'm not going to say "feature." It's just weird, okay? I'll say pond or pool. BRENNAN: Or thing. BOOTH: All right, wishing well. Can we just move on? BRENNAN: Hodgins, if we had a sample, could you isolate a single water feature? HODGINS: Yeah, I could match profiles. NAKAMURA: If you think the photographer is the killer, I want to be there. BOOTH: Nak, if you budge from the Jeffersonian, I will have you on the first plane back to Japan. You understand? You know me. And you know that's true. (hangs up) BRENNAN: You were kind of mean there, Booth. BOOTH: The man's in big pain, Bones. Makes it hard for him to hear. BRENNAN: I've never heard of grief affecting auditory acuteness. BOOTH: Medical fact. Look it up. [CUT TO: INT. MICAH STRUTT'S STUDIO - DAY. BRENNAN is collecting water samples from the water feature. BOOTH is questioning STRUTT.] BOOTH: (to STRUTT) Huh. I thought you only did one shoot with Sachi Nakamura, huh? (tosses a bunch of photos of SACHI onto a stand) STRUTT: Okay, look, this is... it's getting totally out of hand. Maybe I should get a lawyer. BOOTH: What's your connection with James Sok? STRUTT: All I do is give him names, man. BRENNAN: What names? STRUTT: Names of girls who don't mind doing nude shots. BOOTH: Oh, a finder's fee? STRUTT: Yeah. BOOTH: Yeah. STRUTT: But I mean, that's all. BOOTH: Right, but you do know what James Sok does with these girls, right? STRUTT: I mind my own business. BOOTH: He's a pimp. (taps STRUTT on the chest) Which makes you a pimp, too. What about Sachi? STRUTT: She wouldn't pose nude. BRENNAN: What about these photos? STRUTT: What? It's a style, man. Look, I got the releases that she signed before we even did it. You want to see 'em? BRENNAN: Yes. Thank you. [CUT TO: MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY. TANAKA is examining the victim's bones. NAKAMURA is observing. Enter HODGINS.] HODGINS: The water at the photographer's studio uses chlorine. NAKAMURA: So Sachi was not drowned there? HODGINS: No, sir. NAKAMURA: You should inform Dr. Saroyan. HODGINS Yeah, I already have. I just thought if I were you, I'd want to hear everything from the horse's mouth. NAKAMURA: Thank you, Dr. Hodgins. (bows) HODGINS: (to TANAKA) Any luck with the microsil? TANAKA: Yes. I believe your partly Chinese woman will be able to reconstruct the tool used to decapitate the victim. [Enter ANGELA.] ANGELA: Uh, excuse me. Hi. I heard that. NAKAMURA: Dr. Tanaka means no offense. In Japanese, that would not sound so insulting. TANAKA: I will complete my work and give you the results. [Exit TANAKA and HODGINS.] ANGELA: (to NAKAMURA) So, how are you holding up? NAKAMURA: I should have known the life she was living. ANGELA: (sighs) Listen, your sister wasn't a prostitute. Her roommate was. NAKAMURA: (nods) It was a warning. ANGELA: What was? NAKAMURA: Putting Sachi's head on the spike. In feudal Japan, a traitor's head was placed on a pole as a warning that others should fear the warlords. ANGELA: Right. And she was wearing her roommate Nozomi's mask. NAKAMURA: Yes. Because the warning was meant for Nozomi. Nozomi sees the head and knows she must run. ANGELA: And she disposes of it so that no one will think that she killed Sachi. NAKAMURA: (nods) But what did my sister do? (beat) If Sachi was a good girl... (touches the top of Sachi's skull) what did she do to get killed? [NAKAMURA picks up a small cloth and drapes it over Sachi's bones. ANGELA gives NAKAMURA a sympathetic look and leaves.] [CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING - HALLWAY - DAY. BOOTH and SWEETS are walking toward the interrogation room.] BOOTH: Picked up her roommate trying to leave the country. She's still pretty freaked out. SWEETS: She saw her best friend's head on a spike. Trauma like that could take years to assimilate. BOOTH: Yeah, we don't have years, okay? (taps SWEETS on the back) So get in there and work your magic, all right? Go. [SWEETS shoots BOOTH a disgruntled look, then enters the interrogation room. NOZOMI SATO is sitting at the table, extremely anxious. BOOTH watches from behind the glass. SWEETS sits down opposite NOZOMI, who turns away.] SWEETS: (exhales and clasps his hands together) We'll keep you safe, Nozomi. You don't have to worry. [NOZOMI, terrified, says nothing.] SWEETS: Can I get you anything? [NOZOMI remains silent.] SWEETS: (sighs) Look, I know you feel alone. You think that no one else could understand what you went through. And no one could. But that doesn't mean that you can't be helped. We can prevent anything like this from happening again, to you or anyone else. If you tell us who did this, Nozomi, we can protect you. And we'll make sure that you get home safely. [NOZOMI still does not respond. Finally, SWEETS rises from his seat and faces the window. From the other side, BOOTH sees SWEETS and understands.] [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - ANGELA'S OFFICE - DAY. BRENNAN, ANGELA and TANAKA enter.] ANGELA: We got the general shape from Dr. Tanaka's cast, but we still need to fill in the details. BRENNAN: Does the basic shape resemble a katana sword or a Japanese dough knife? ANGELA: (sits down at her computer) Well, it's too early to say. TANAKA: The prominent residual striae indicate that a power tool was not used and that the blade was curved. BRENNAN: It has a combination of serrated and plain edging. ANGELA: All right, so, there goes the katana sword. BRENNAN: From the breakaway spur, I could see that there are approximately six teeth per inch on the serrated section. ANGELA: Okay, anything else? BRENNAN: There also appears to be something that catches on the bone as it's pulled back, like a hook near the blade's point. ANGELA: Ooh, that's good. [ANGELA enters the specifics and an image of a knife appears on screen.] TANAKA: I've never seen a knife like that. Perhaps there was an error in the topography of my mold. BRENNAN: No, I've seen this knife before. It's a marine knife. (pointing) The hook is used for cutting line and cord. ANGELA: Wait a minute. James Sok, the owner of Elegant Escorts, doesn't he live on a boat? [CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY. BOOTH and BRENNAN are questioning SOK. NAKAMURA is observing from behind the glass. An agent enters with evidence bags and hands them to BRENNAN.] BOOTH: So what was it, Sok? You wanted to keep, uh, Nozomi in line, so you used Sachi as an example? Sachi, she doesn't even work for you. SOK: (to BRENNAN) Where did you get that? BRENNAN: (takes knife out of evidence bag) We have a search warrant. These were taken from your boat. (beat) The serrations are consistent with the tool markings on the bone. SOK: I didn't kill anyone. BOOTH: Then you're going to have to explain why there's blood on your knife. [BRENNAN swabs SOK's knife and sprays the swab with a chemical. Nothing happens.] BRENNAN: It's clean. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: There's no blood on the knife. BOOTH: Yeah, well, I'm sure there's another knife. We'll just tear your place apart until we find one, that's all. [BRENNAN swabs the inside of the sheath. The swab changes color.] BRENNAN: Booth? (holding up swab) He didn't clean the sheath. BOOTH: Hah. Look at that, huh. Why don't you just save the taxpayers some money and confess. SOK: Why don't you offer me a deal instead? BOOTH: You're really in no bargaining position right now, Mr. Sok. Evidence proves that you killed Sachi. BRENNAN: No, it doesn't. It proves that he cut off her head. She died by drowning. SOK: Very good. Sachi stuck her nose in where it didn't belong. If you want to know who killed her, you'll cut me a deal. BOOTH: Huh. Right. (grabs SOK by the collar, furious) You cut off her head (slams SOK into the wall) and you stuck it on a spike to keep your girls in line, and you want me to cut you a deal? SOK: Yeah, that's right. [After a few tense moments, BOOTH releases SOK and storms off.] [CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING - INTERROGATION OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY. NAKAMURA has been watching the interrogation from behind the glass. Enter BOOTH.] BOOTH: What do you want to do, Nak? NAKAMURA: I want to kill him. BOOTH: Look, he could give us Sachi's murderer. NAKAMURA: And then he goes free. The man who put my sister's head on a spike. BOOTH: If I don't cut this deal, then... her murderer could walk. NAKAMURA: This is your case, Booth. What I want doesn't matter. BOOTH: To me it does. And it would to Sachi. NAKAMURA: (after a long pause) Cut the deal. [BOOTH pats NAKAMURA on the shoulder and leaves.] [CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY. SOK is confessing to BOOTH and BRENNAN.] SOK: Paul Vogler. He was a good customer. One of my best. Always wanted Nozomi. But he liked to get rough. Sometimes maybe too rough. [CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING - HALLWAY - DAY. VOGLER IS being taken in by BOOTH and NAKAMURA.] SOK: (voice over) One day, that girl Sachi barges into Vogler's place, screaming, saying she was going to call her cop brother if Vogler ever touched her friend Nozomi again. Vogler pushes her into his koi pond, holds her down, just to shut her up. Idiot kills her. He paid me to clean up the mess. So yeah, I put the girl's head in Nozomi's apartment. And Nozomi took off, like I knew she would. I had a business to save. But I didn't kill anyone. It was Vogler. [VOGLER and BOOTH enter the interrogation room. NAKAMURA remains outside and hangs his head.] [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY. NAKAMURA is standing in front of SACHI's coffin. He lights incense in honor of his sister. He blows it out just as BOOTH and BRENNAN enter.] BOOTH: Hey, Nak. (beat) Nozomi's been cleared to leave by immigration. NAKAMURA: I will see that she gets home safely. BOOTH: Thank you, Nak. NAKAMURA: And Sachi can rest with our parents. If the teachings are correct, she will be reborn, and Sok and Vogler will have to answer for their actions. BRENNAN: That... is highly improbable. [BOOTH looks at BRENNAN.] BRENNAN: But I hope that it's true. NAKAMURA: I am forever in your debt. (bows) [BOOTH and BRENNAN bow. BOOTH approaches NAKAMURA and extends his hand.] BOOTH: My friend, one of those good Japanese beers will be just fine. BRENNAN: Oh, I prefer sake. [BOOTH and NAKAMURA turn to look at her.] BRENNAN: (quietly) Sake. BOOTH: (shaking NAKAMURA's hand) We'll let you know when it's time to go, okay? [NAKAMURA nods. Exit BOOTH and BRENNAN. NAKAMURA returns to the coffin and draws his hands together in prayer.] [CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION PLATFORM - DAY. TANAKA is packing up her tools. Enter HODGINS, ANGELA, CAM and SWEETS, who observe from afar.] HODGINS: So... no one asked Tanaka? SWEETS: It doesn't matter, remember? HODGINS: Yeah, yeah. No, I know. CAM: It's Tanaka's life. We are not children. SWEETS: Very good. ANGELA: Oh, this is ridiculous. (sighs and approaches TANAKA) Hey, Haru. It was great working with you. I hope to see you again soon. [ANGELA envelopes TANAKA in a tight hug. HODGINS, CAM and SWEETS look away. After a few moments, ANGELA releases TANAKA and smiles.] ANGELA: Okay, then. Have a great trip back. [TANAKA bows.] ANGELA: Okay. [TANAKA continues packing. ANGELA returns to where HODGINS, CAM and SWEETS are standing.] ANGELA: It moved. He's a guy. [Everyone reacts.] ANGELA: Yeah. [CUT TO: BOOTH'S APARTMENT - NIGHT. BRENNAN is sitting at the table. BOOTH carries over a banana split.] BOOTH: There, huh? Eh-hey! It's good for what ails you. BRENNAN: Usually in this situation, we'd have alcohol. BOOTH: Which is exactly why we should do this, okay, from time to time. (scoops up a spoonful of ice cream and moves it toward BRENNAN's face while making airplane noises) BRENNAN: (chuckles) Oh, no. (eats the ice cream fed to her by BOOTH.) BOOTH: Yum, hmm? Here you go. BRENNAN: Will he recover? Your friend Ken? BOOTH: From losing his sister? Um... well, you don't recover from something like that. You just survive. BRENNAN: People die. There's a fault in the design if we can't recover from it. BOOTH: "Fault in the design?" What are we, coffee pots? BRENNAN: No, I just mean that we should be designed so that we can handle the worst. BOOTH: We are designed that way. We aren't sent anything that we can't handle. BRENNAN: I'm not convinced that loving someone is worth it. BOOTH: I got a son, and it's worth it. BRENNAN: Even if he died? BOOTH: Whoa. Bones, don't even say anything like that. Don't even put that out there. It is worth it, and everything around it is worth it. (beat) Every moment, everything... is worth it, so eat the ice cream before it melts. BRENNAN: (eats a spoonful of ice cream and frowns) I wish it was beer. BOOTH: Right. (gets up and moves to his fridge) You know what? (takes two beers out of the fridge) Okay. (places the beers on the table and opens them) You're right. BRENNAN: (takes a beer) Now, this is what I'm talking about. BOOTH: Good. We agree to understand that this is worth it. [BRENNAN and BOOTH drink their beers.] [FADE TO BLACK.]	Plan: A: the head; Q: What part of Sachi Nakamura is found in Washington, D.C.? A: Booth's friend; Q: Who is Sachi Nakamura the sister of? A: Ken; Q: What is the name of Sachi Nakamura's brother? A: a detective; Q: What is Ken Nakamura's profession? A: Tokyo; Q: Where is Ken Nakamura from? A: his sister's killer; Q: What is Ken Nakamura trying to find? A: The investigation; Q: What leads to an elite escort service? A: the team; Q: Who must race against the clock when Sachi's roommate is missing? Summary: When the head of Sachi Nakamura, the sister of Booth's friend, is discovered in Washington, D.C., her brother Ken, a detective from Tokyo, flies in to aid the search for his sister's killer. The investigation leads to an elite escort service, and the team must race against the clock when Sachi's roommate is missing as well.
THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG BY: ROBERT HOLMES Part Five Running time: 24:49 [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor! DOCTOR: Litefoot's got visitors. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Mi how ma! What happened? LITEFOOT: Chinese. Dozens of them. DOCTOR: What? LITEFOOT: Oh, the devils. DOCTOR: Well, they got what they came for. LEELA: What? DOCTOR: The time cabinet. LITEFOOT: Damn scoundrels. DOCTOR: Get him a drink. DOCTOR: In a glass. In a glass. Professor, how did they get in? LITEFOOT: I've, I've no idea. I locked and bolted all the doors as soon as you left. Thank you, my dear. DOCTOR: Were they all Chinese? LITEFOOT: Tong-wallahs. Criminals. The gutter scrapings of Shanghai. DOCTOR: And one midget. LITEFOOT: Yes. My dear Doctor, how on Earth did you deduce that one of my attackers was a midget? DOCTOR: Elementary, my dear Litefoot. He came in the laundry basket and let the others in. LEELA: The same creature that attacked me! DOCTOR: The Peking Homunculus. LITEFOOT: Who? DOCTOR: Yes, the time of manufacture, its disappearance, it all fits. LEELA: Doctor, what is the Peking DOCTOR: Homunculus. LEELA: Homunculus. DOCTOR: It was made in Peking for the Commissioner of the Icelandic Alliance. It was in the Ice Age, about the year five thousand. LITEFOOT: Preposterous. LEELA: Shush. Go on, Doctor. DOCTOR: The Peking Homunculus was a toy, a plaything for the Commissioner's children. It contained a series of magnetic fields operating on a printed circuit and a small computer. It had one organic component. The cerebral cortex of a pig. Anyway, something went wrong. It almost caused World War Six. LITEFOOT: What? DOCTOR: Yes, somehow the pig part took over. So Weng-Chiang has brought the Peking Homunculus back through time. He could have done. It disappeared completely. It was never found. LITEFOOT: I say, I may have had a bang on the head but this is a dashed queer story. Time travel? DOCTOR: Unsuccessful time travel, Professor. Findicker's discovery of the double nexus particle sent human science up a technological cul-de-sac. LITEFOOT: Are you following this? LEELA: Not a word. DOCTOR: This pig thing is still alive. It needs an operator, of course, but the mental feedback is so intense that somehow the swinish instinct has become dominant. It hates humanity and it revels in carnage. [SCENE_BREAK] WENG: Liberation, Mister Sin! Freedom! I can become whole again. Whole and alive! Oh, how I have dreamt of this moment. To be free of this putrefying carcass, to fashion myself anew in some distant time and place. And I can do it now, now that at last I have the time cabinet. I promise you, Mister Sin, we shall not remain long among these filthy barbarians. But where is the bag? Answer me, you fools! Where is the bag? HO: It was. We did not. WENG: The bag, you cowering oaf! HO: It was left behind, great lord. WENG: What? What! Lee! Lee, I told you to take it out to the carriage! I ordered you! You know the penalty for failing me. WENG: Take the sting of the scorpion. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Rundall Buildings. LITEFOOT: What? DOCTOR: Your laundry. Do you know the place? LITEFOOT: I've heard of it. Everyone has. It's the centre of one of the most noxious and evil rookeries in the East End. DOCTOR: And where exactly is this disreputable quarter? LITEFOOT: It lies somewhere between Whitechapel and St Georges in the East. Place of appalling vice and squalor. Overdue for clearance in my opinion. DOCTOR: Yes, it might be cleared very quickly. LITEFOOT: What do you mean? DOCTOR: Weng-Chiang is a scientific ignoramus. He doesn't understand the nature of zigma energy. LITEFOOT: Zigma energy? DOCTOR: Yes. The power source of the time cabinet is a zigma beam. At the moment it's like a piece of elastic fully stretched, but when Chiang tampers with it LEELA: Then he must be stopped. Do you think he's gone to this laundry? DOCTOR: Well, there's only one way to find out. Litefoot, I want you to stay here. Come on. LITEFOOT: Doctor, you can't take a young woman into that foulness. At this hour of night she'll witness the vilest scenes of depravity and degradation. DOCTOR: Nothing as vile as Weng-Chiang himself, Professor. [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: Think large, Henry Jago, think large. Shilling a head? I must be crazy. A guinea a head! Conducted tours round the lair of the phantom. I'll lead them myself and modestly mention the part I played in the affair. The ladies will swoon in my arms. Oh, it's a winner. It's a beauty. I'll go bail. I'll clear out all this old junk, call in the electric lighting company. JAGO: What in the name of heavens is? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Not a sound. Now quiet. Shush. [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: Thank you. Kindly tell your employer that Mister Jago wishes to see him urgently. LITEFOOT: What? JAGO: Your employer, Professor Litefoot. Come along, man. Hurry. Chop-chop. LITEFOOT: May I ask, sir, who you are? JAGO: Confound your insolence, sir. Just announce me. LITEFOOT: Consider yourself announced, sir. I'm Litefoot. JAGO: Why, dash me optics. I should have realised. That brow, those hands. England's peerless premier professor of pathology. Henry Gordon Jago, sir, at your service. LITEFOOT: Mister Jago, just tell me what all this is about. JAGO: The Doctor. LITEFOOT: What? JAGO: This bag. LITEFOOT: Eh? JAGO: Shall we go inside? [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: Found this in my cellar. Thought the Doctor might be interested. It could have something to do with those Chineses. LITEFOOT: Chinese? JAGO: Yes. I had thought of communicating directly with Scotland Yard, where as you know he's held in the highest esteem. LITEFOOT: The Doctor is? JAGO: Oh yes, of course. It's my opinion he solves half their cases and then lets them take the credit for it, don't you agree? LITEFOOT: I have no idea. JAGO: Oh, why, it stands to reason. I mean, they're policemen. We all know they're solid, sterling, fellows, but their buttons are the brightest thing about them, don't you agree? Now, the Doctor's a real detective. LITEFOOT: Yes, he's certainly very active. How did you learn of my connection with him, Mister Jago? JAGO: Well, I enquired at the local station and they told me you'd been seen together. The most formidable combination in the annals of criminology. It's a great honour and privilege for me to be working with you on this devilish affair. LITEFOOT: Oh, well, thank you. Yes, well, I'm sure the Doctor will be very interested in these things. Unfortunately, he isn't here at present. JAGO: I know, the sleuth that never rests, eh? LITEFOOT: Well, he did remark that sleep is for tortoises. You know, Mister Jago, I can't for the life of me discern what purposes these articles might serve. JAGO: It's a queer lot of paraphernalia. I thought so meself. LITEFOOT: And you think they were set aside by Weng-Chiang, this murderous lunatic the Doctor is now hunting? JAGO: Well, they're nothing to do with the theatre, I'm sure of that. I found the bag amongst a pile of our old junk. LITEFOOT: In that case, Mister Jago, is it not possible that someone plans to return for it? JAGO: Yes, yes, good point. We must tell the Doctor. LITEFOOT: Or take a hand ourselves. JAGO: Why? LITEFOOT: Well, the Doctor isn't here. If you and I keep a discreet watch on the theatre, we might get a chance to nab this fellow, should he return. JAGO: You're suggesting a pernoctation, Professor, but alas, unfortunately the nocturnal vapours are very bad for my chest. LITEFOOT: Oh, come on, man, you can wrap up. I'll lend you some extra clothing. JAGO: Very kind, I'm sure. LITEFOOT: Now, you write a note to the Doctor, you'll find pen and paper in that drawer, and I'll look you out a cape. We might be lucky, Mister Jago. And if we are, I've a few lumps to repay. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: That smell. It's like decaying fruit. DOCTOR: Papaver somniferum. LEELA: What? DOCTOR: Pipe of poppy. It's opium, a narcotic drug. DOCTOR: Ah, we've found another warren. Weng-Chiang will show his hand again. LEELA: More girls? DOCTOR: Yes. He'll try to build his body levels before he has to use the zigma beam. He'll kill again tonight, but where? CHANG: At the House of the Dragon, Doctor. DOCTOR: Good evening, Mister Chang. We thought you'd gone to join your ancestors. CHANG: Not yet. Not quite. LEELA: Your leg! CHANG: A singular sight, I fear. It is too late, Doctor, and I feel no pain. The opium. LEELA: How did you get away? CHANG: When the rat took my leg, I regained consciousness in a charnel house, putrefying human remains. DOCTOR: Yes, rats don't keep a very hygienic larder. CHANG: I lay there, Doctor, and cursed Weng-Chiang, my benefactor, who had brought me to this fate. Hatred of him gave me the strength to drag myself away. The rats had gone. I came here to destroy the false god. The last act of the Great Chang. LEELA: You should have done that before. CHANG: I believed in him. For many years I believed in him. DOCTOR: It was a good act, Chang. CHANG: Until he shamed me. I lost face. The whole theatre saw my failure. DOCTOR: Tell me about the House of the Dragon. CHANG: Next month, the Great Chang would have performed before the Queen Empress at Buckingham Palace. I, the son of a peasant. DOCTOR: The House of the Dragon, where is it? CHANG: It is his fortress, prepared over many months by the Tong. Beware the eye of the dragon, Doctor. DOCTOR: Li H'sen, come on. Come on. CHANG: Soon I shall join my ancestors. Already I can see them. They walk to greet me from the Palace of Jade. They are smiling and carry gifts of food and flowers. Now I cross the golden bridge of the gods. DOCTOR: Li H'sen! Come on, man, the house. CHANG: B, B DOCTOR: What? What? DOCTOR: Boot? Shoe? Spat? LEELA: Earth? DOCTOR: He's left us a Chinese puzzle. [SCENE_BREAK] WENG: Well? Where is it? HO: Bag not there, lord. It's gone. WENG: Gone? HO: We look all places. Bag not there. WENG: You incompetent lice! You crawling, mindless dogs! That bag contained the key to the time cabinet. I must have it, do you understand, if I have to tear this accursed city apart stone by stone! Ho! Were you followed? HO: Followed? What? WENG: Those two. They must have been watching the theatre. That means they have the bag! Bring them to me. [SCENE_BREAK] LITEFOOT: This is their hideaway, no doubt about it. JAGO: It's unfortunate there were too many of them for us to tackle, eh, Professor? I was itching for a scrap. LITEFOOT: The question is, Mister Jago, what now? JAGO: Well, we could adjourn for liquid refreshment. Decorate the mahogany. I know a little spot not far from here. LITEFOOT: I think one of us should stay here on watch while the other returns for the Doctor. JAGO: Good idea. I'll be as quick as I can. LITEFOOT: Too late, old man. JAGO: Oh, corks. LITEFOOT: Backs to the wall. JAGO: Keep off, you lot. I'm a tiger when my dander's up. [SCENE_BREAK] WENG: So, you choose to pry on the House of the Dragon. Unwise. Very unwise. You will suffer for it. LITEFOOT: You're mistaken. You'll be the sufferer when the police get here. WENG: The police? Did you hear that, Mister Sin? They take me for a simpleton. JAGO: Oh, they'll be here, don't you worry. They can't be far behind. WENG: You told them where you were coming? LITEFOOT: Of course. We're not completely without sense. WENG: Lies. Stupid lies! WENG: You didn't know where you were coming. You followed my men here from the theatre. LITEFOOT: If that's what you choose to believe. WENG: Why were you waiting at the theatre? Answer me. Why? JAGO: Why were we waiting at the theatre, Litefoot? LITEFOOT: I refuse to answer. JAGO: There you are, you see. He refuses to answer. LITEFOOT: You can do with us as you wish. JAGO: I say, steady on. WENG: Very well, I will tell you why. JAGO: I say, have a care. WENG: You were waiting to see JAGO: You don't know your own strength. WENG: Who came to collect the bag. JAGO: You're choking me. WENG: Exactly. Now, where is the bag now. What have you done with it? LITEFOOT: Let him go. WENG: The bag. Tell me! LITEFOOT: It's at my house. Now for pity's sake, release him! WENG: You will die later, slowly. It will give pleasure to my wolves. LITEFOOT: You filthy bounder. WENG: In the meantime, put them with the other prisoners. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Litefoot? Litefoot! DOCTOR: (reads) My dear Doctor, contained in this capacious carpet bag, which I discovered inadvertently in the cellar, is a collection of sundry items of baffling meaning. The Professor and I are keeping observation on the theatre and shortly hope to report to you the whereabouts of the mysterious Weng-Chiang. Your fellow detective H G J. LEELA: What does that mean? DOCTOR: Ah! Eureka! Do you know what that is? LEELA: You ask me so that you can tell me. DOCTOR: That's right. It's a trionic lattice, an integral part of a time cabinet. It's impossible to open it without it. LEELA: You mean it's a key. DOCTOR: Yes. He's not only a scientific fool, he's an absent-minded one. LEELA: Perhaps he has another eureka. DOCTOR: No, eureka's Greek for this bath is too hot. There can never be another one of this combination. LEELA: That means he's gone to the theatre. Come on. DOCTOR: Hold it. LEELA: But Doctor, Professor Litefoot and Mister Jago are our friends! We must help them. You know what will happen if Weng-Chiang finds them. DOCTOR: I do. LEELA: Well? DOCTOR: Look. Litefoot likes a good fire. He's been out of the house a long time. We can't go just rushing all over London looking for him. It's much better to wait for Weng-Chiang to come here. LEELA: Look, we know he already has the cabinet. DOCTOR: Yes, but he doesn't have the key. Always stay one step ahead of your enemies, my girl. LEELA: You mean, when he finds the key is missing, and that Professor Litefoot and Mister Jago are keeping watch, he will force them to tell him where it is. DOCTOR: You're learning to think. That's excellent. LEELA: And you thought of that all at once, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, almost. LEELA: Then I am sorry. DOCTOR: What for? LEELA: For thinking that perhaps you were afraid. DOCTOR: That's all right. LEELA: Where shall we lay our ambush? DOCTOR: What? LEELA: Ambush! It's time we did battle with this underground crab, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: Are they dead? LITEFOOT: Drugged, I think. You know why they're here. JAGO: Poor creatures. They can't be a day over sixteen. LITEFOOT: He must send his fiends to kidnap them off the streets. JAGO: This is a nightmare. What can we do for them? LITEFOOT: No more than we can do for ourselves. At least they'll die quickly. JAGO: He must be the devil incarnate. LITEFOOT: What unspeakable horror lies behind that mask, do you suppose? JAGO: Well, he's not exactly a dobbin masher with it, is he? LITEFOOT: Dammit, Jago, I don't see any way out of this. I think we're done for. JAGO: You're forgetting the Doctor, Professor. LITEFOOT: There's no hope of him finding this place. How can he? JAGO: Oh, the trained mind. A fleck of mud here, a speck of paint there. Clues that speak volumes to a trained investigator like him. I'll wager he's on our tracks this very minute. LITEFOOT: I say, Jago, look at this. JAGO: What of it? LITEFOOT: Don't you see what it is? It's a dumb waiter! JAGO: Yes, of course I know that, but frankly I'm not very peckish at the moment. I'm surprised you should think of food at a time like this. LITEFOOT: My dear man, I'm not thinking of food. I'm thinking that if we take that shelf out and squeeze ourselves in, we can make a surreptitious exit from this establishment via the dining room. JAGO: By jiminy, you're right! We'll teach those blighters a lesson yet. They picked the wrong man when they decided to cross swords with me. LITEFOOT: After you, Mister Jago. JAGO: Oh, those ropes don't look too sound, do they. LITEFOOT: He that is down need fear no fall. JAGO: Hmm? LITEFOOT: A quotation. Bunyan. JAGO: Ah, very comforting. JAGO (OOV.): Mind your elbow, Professor. LITEFOOT (OOV.): Sorry. BOTH (OOV.): Heave! [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: This isn't the dining room. LITEFOOT: This isn't the way out, either.	Plan: A: Litefoot; Q: Whose house was the time cabinet stolen from? A: an opium-drugged Chang; Q: What do the Doctor and Leela find when they go to stop Weng-Chiang from using the time cabinet? A: Jago; Q: Who teams up with Litefoot for their own investigation? Summary: Weng-Chiang has stolen the time cabinet from Litefoot's house, so the Doctor and Leela go to try and stop him from using it. They find an opium-drugged Chang. Jago teams up with Litefoot for their own investigation.
THE MIND OF EVIL BY: DON HOUGHTON 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY (Once again, the pattern starts to repeat itself. The prisoners start to create a racket from within their cells. The OFFICERS rush round trying to restore calm. GREEN and POWERS confer but their conversation is lost in the noise of the protest.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (This time, it is the DOCTOR who is in the process theatre. As he works on the control bank, the Keller machine bursts into life. The DOCTOR puts his hand to his head and desperately tries to block out the mental confusion. He turns back to his work on the control bank.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY (Outside, the PRISON OFFICERS attempts to quiet the prisoners are futile.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (The DOCTOR is desperately pulling leads from the control bank but this seems to have no effect on the Keller machine itself. His face creasing with the mental effort of battling the machine, he staggers over to it but is halted in his tracks when he sees a wall of flame in front of him. Unusually, a look of terror appears on the DOCTOR'S face and he cries out in panic as he starts to try to ward off the ever-increasing inferno. JO, the post mortem file under her arm, enters the room and sees the DOCTOR seemingly fighting off invisible demons.) JO: (Shouts.) Doctor! What's the matter? (She rushes over to him. He is still in a terrified panic, staring at the Keller machine with wide-eyed fear and gasping out incoherently. She tries to calm him.) JO: (In quiet, calming voice.) Let's sit down - it's all right. There's nothing there. (The machine has died down again. The DOCTOR continues to stare at it and mutters in shock as JO leads him to a chair.) JO: No...there's nothing there. Come and sit. (He does so but is still acting totally unlike his usual self. JO crouches in front of him, totally concerned by this unusual behavior. Outside, the sounds of the prisoners' shouts and the OFFICERS whistles can still be heard.) JO: There's nothing Doctor. It's me - Jo. (He stares at her, desperately trying to recover himself.) JO: It's all right. (He starts to take a hold of himself but is still breathing heavily. He stares at JO, his face clearing.) DOCTOR: Jo...now what are you doing here? JO: Well, you wanted this report on Kettering. I got it from Doctor Summers. DOCTOR: Look, I told you to take that directly to the Governor's office. JO: I thought it was important. (He stares at the Keller machine - his strength and senses recovering all the time from the mental assault. Outside, the noise in the prison does down.) DOCTOR: So are my instructions, Jo...so are my instructions, you...you might have been killed. JO: (Puzzled.) Me killed? It seemed that you were the one in danger. You looked as if you were fighting something that...wasn't there. DOCTOR: Well it was there, Jo. At least it was until you distracted it. (JO turns and stares at the now silent machine.) DOCTOR: Your coming in broke its grip on my mind. (He makes another attempt to recover himself, rubbing his eyes.) DOCTOR: Let me see that report. (He takes the file from her and starts to read it.) JO: You were right about Kettering. He did have a morbid fear of water. DOCTOR: So he drowned in a perfectly dry room. JO: Doctor... DOCTOR: Mmm? JO: What did you see? DOCTOR: Fire. JO: But why should you? DOCTOR: Well...well some time ago, Jo, I...I witnessed a terrible catastrophe. A whole world just...well, just disappeared in flames. Well this machine picked that memory out of my mind and used it to attack me. JO: But this fire you saw - it wasn't real. DOCTOR: Neither was the water...nor the rats, yet Linwood is dead and so is Professor Kettering. We believe what our minds tell us to, Jo. (JO gets up and walks over to the Keller machine.) JO: If this machine's so dangerous, why not...just blow it up? Destroy it. (The DOCTOR gets out of his seat and follows her - now fully himself.) DOCTOR: Because those idiots in authority won't let me - that's why. I'm trying to find a way of controlling it. So, if you've...quite finished asking questions... (JO continues to stare at the machine. She realizes that the DOCTOR is waiting.) JO: All right, I'm going. (She heads for the door but it opens before she gets there and CAPTAIN YATES enters the room.) JO: Mike! What are you doing here? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: The Brigadier's orders. I'm afraid, Doctor, you got to come back to London with me. DOCTOR: Nonsense! I can't possibly leave Stangmoor. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: You've got to, Doctor. DOCTOR: I'm telling you - I'm not leaving. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Indignant.) I'm sorry, Doctor, you're coming back with me, even if I have to use force. (He reaches out and grabs the DOCTOR, who with a yell puts a nerve hold on YATES. The young man's head slumps.) DOCTOR: Venusian Karate - I think you'll find it a lot harder than you'll imagine, young man. (He releases him YATES gasps, recovers himself and then pleads.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Ah! Look, Doctor, he really does need you! Things are going very badly at the peace conference. The Chinese delegate's dead and we think he's been murdered. DOCTOR: (Concerned.) Murdered? Yes, all right Captain Yates, I'll come with you, thank you. JO: Doctor? (He starts for the door.) DOCTOR: Eh? JO: I'll say here and look after things for you. DOCTOR: Look, Jo, for once in your young life, do you think you could do exactly as I ask? JO: Yes, of course. DOCTOR: Now go and see the Governor. Tell him to lock and bar that door. No one is to enter this room - no one. Do you understand? JO: (Smiles.) Just leave everything to me! DOCTOR: Yes...yes, I'm rather afraid I'll have to! Try and keep out of trouble, will you? JO: Yes, Doctor. (He walks quickly out of the room.) DOCTOR: Come along, Captain Yates, what are you waiting for? (JO realizes that she's holding the DOCTOR'S cloak.) JO: Doctor! (But he has gone.) JO: Mike! (She hands the cloak to MIKE who follows the DOCTOR. Giving the machine one last look, JO pulls the doors to the theatre closed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. LONDON. CORNWALL GARDENS (CAPTAIN CHIN LEE is in a phone box, making a call and looking nervously outside to where, nearby, a very conspicuous SERGEANT BENTON, dressed in a raincoat and civvies, is on reconnaissance duty, pacing the street as he waits for her to make her next move. She puts the phone down and steps out of the box. She stands still and stares at BENTON. Even though he is in London, he starts to feel the mental effects of the Keller machine. He puts his hands to his head in pain and staggers back against a lamppost. As CHIN LEE continues to stare, an image of the Keller machine appears in her mind - and BENTON'S as he suffers the mental assault.) SERGEANT BENTON: No! No!...No! (The attack strengthens. He falls to his knees and collapses against a set of railings. A man passing by sees BENTON and rushes over to him. CHIN LEE watching from a short distance away decides to beat a retreat and leaves. The man helps the near unconscious BENTON to his feet. The noise of the Keller machine still fills his head.) PASSER-BY: Are you all right? (BENTON tries to recover his control. Holding his head, he sees that CHIN LEE has gone.) SERGEANT BENTON: Yes...yes, I'm all right, thank you. (He tries to run after CHIN LEE. HE falls again to the ground and, watched by the anxious man, gets back up and somewhat shakily runs after CHIN LEE.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (In the prison, the Keller machine falls dormant again, its work done...) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. UNIT LONDON HQ (In pursuit, BENTON runs down the road on which the UNIT London town house HQ stands, near to where a GPO engineer's red and white striped tent is standing. BENTON stops when he sees that his quarry has disappeared. He crosses the road to the HQ. CHIN LEE steps out of hiding from behind the GPO tent and watches him enter the HQ. She then makes quickly down the road, past a telephone engineer in his cap and overalls, busy at work on a roadside telephone junction box.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. UNIT LONDON HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE (Inside the HQ, BENTON stands to attention before a quietly furious BRIGADIER...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You lost her?! SERGEANT BENTON: Yes, sir. She gave me the slip. One minute I had her well in sight and next she... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Interrupting.) She vanished in a puff of smoke? SERGEANT BENTON: No sir. I got this sort of throbbing in my head. I guess I fainted. When I came to, she'd gone. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Caustically.) Throbbing in the head? Fainted? You're too delicate for intelligence work, Benton. Better go and lie down. SERGEANT BENTON: Right sir. Sorry sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) Dismissed Sergeant, just get out of my sight! (BENTON leaves the room as the DOCTOR and MIKE enter. They witness this final exchange.) DOCTOR: I see you're in your usual sweet affable mood, Brigadier. (He looks at MIKE who smiles.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) When you've quite finished grinning like a Cheshire cat, Captain Yates! CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sir. (He almost runs from the room. The DOCTOR steps towards the BRIGADIER, totally unperturbed.) DOCTOR: Right now, Brigadier, would you kindly tell me what all this fuss is about? [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. UNIT LONDON HQ (BENTON leaves the HQ. He crosses the street and walks past the GPO tent as the engineer comes out and walks towards the junction box. He makes some final adjustments to the machinery within the box, hanging an extra wire-like device from some of the circuits. He then picks up a small radio receiver and switches it on. There is a sound of static. He switches the radio off, closes the junction box, picks up his tools and goes back into the tent. Once inside, he takes the receiver back out of his bag and switches it on again...) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. UNIT LONDON HQ. OUTER OFFICE (CAPTAIN YATES is on the telephone at that moment. He snatches the receiver away from his ear, looks at the phone in puzzlement and then speaks into it again...) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Mr. Curry, are you still there? (He listens.) Oh good.. (He listens again.) No, no, for a moment I thought we'd been cut off. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. UNIT LONDON HQ (Within the tent, the engineer places the receiver down on a small table next to a kettle and two cups. He then reaches up and pulls his cap...and face off - it is the MASTER. The voices of YATES and Mr. Curry come through easily on the receiver as the MASTER listens...) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Through receiver.) As I was saying, the escort will be under my command and will consist of myself, a Sergeant and four motorcycle outriders. (As the MASTER continues to eavesdrop, he divests himself of his engineers scarf and overalls. Underneath is a smartly tailored suit.) MR. CURRY: (OOV: Through receiver.) It's a bit light, isn't it Captain? I mean considering the importance of this weapon. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Through receiver.) We'll only make ourselves conspicuous if we surround it with a small army, won't we? MR. CURRY: (OOV: Through receiver.) Oh, all right. I suppose you people know best. (The MASTER has adjusted his tie and smoothes his hair back.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Through receiver.) Our ETA with you will be at 08:15 hours. MR. CURRY: (OOV: Through receiver.) And you will let me know the route? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Through receiver.) Yes, I'll ring you through with the route as soon as it's finalized. Goodbye sir. MR. CURRY: (OOV: Through receiver.) Goodbye. (The MASTER adjusts his pocket-handkerchief, takes a thick overcoat off a hanger and switches off the receiver, taking it with him. Leaving the tent, he also has a smart briefcase in his hand. He checks to make sure that he is not being watched and then walks through a gate in the railings and across the park. On the other side of the square a large black limousine waits. A smartly dressed chauffeur gets out and holds open the door for the MASTER to get in. Once settled, the evil renegade again switches on the receiver to listen for any further calls...) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. UNIT LONDON HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE (Within the HQ, an exasperated BRIGADIER is coming to the end of a heated discussion with a tenacious DOCTOR...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: All right, All right, all right, all right, Doctor! You win! DOCTOR: And you'll back up my report to the Home Office calling for a complete ban on the Keller process? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes. DOCTOR: And you'll get in touch with the Home Secretary and make sure that he takes some action? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, Doctor, and if that doesn't do any good, I personally will go down to Stangmoor and blow the blasted machine up myself! Now, are you or are you not going to help me with this case? DOCTOR: (Smiles.) My dear Lethbridge Stewart, your word is my command. You know that you only have to ask! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Thank you. (The BRIGADIER gets up and picking up his briefcase, starts to leave the room.) DOCTOR: Well, where on earth do you think you're going? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We are going to see the new Chinese delegate - Mr. Fu Peng. DOCTOR: Fu Peng - he must be Hokien. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No, no, no Doctor - he's Chinese. Now, come along. (With raised eyebrows, the DOCTOR follows...) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. UNIT LONDON HQ. OUTER OFFICE (As the BRIGADIER walks through the outer office, YATES tries to show him a piece of paper.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Excuse me... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Later! (The BRIGADIER leaves. The DOCTOR speaks to YATES.) DOCTOR: Yes...it's going to be one of those days! (YATES laughs.) DOCTOR: (Admonishing.) Cheshire cat, Captain Yates, Cheshire cat! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Waiting in corridor.) Doctor! DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I'm coming. (He follows. YATES picks up the phone.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Get me transport, will you? [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. UNIT LONDON HQ (Still sat in the limousine, the MASTER listens in as the bored voice of the transport section man comes through...) TRANSPORT SECTION: (OOV: Through receiver.) Transport? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Through receiver.) Captain Yates here. I'd like you to lay on a motorcycle escort of four and a jeep for 0-seven hundred hours tomorrow. (Nodding slightly with satisfaction, the MASTER suddenly sits up and looks out of the window. Across the square, the DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER can be seen walking away from UNIT HQ.) TRANSPORT SECTION: (OOV: Through receiver.) Right-oh sir. Where's your rendezvous, sir? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Through receiver.) Here at HQ. I'll take the party down myself. TRANSPORT SECTION: (OOV: Through receiver.) Right-oh sir. (The MASTER switches the receiver off and sits back.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. CHINESE DELEGATION QUARTERS (FU PENG sits at a table reading a newspaper. He wears the bland uniform of the Chinese communists and reads a newspaper. His face is surly and unsmiling. The door opens and an aide shows in the BRIGADIER and the DOCTOR.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, Mr. Fu Peng? I'm Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart of UNIT command. I'm in charge of all security arrangements. (He holds out his hand but FU PENG ignores it and continues to read his newspaper.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Embarrassed.) And, err, this is our scientific advisor. (The DOCTOR bows and starts to speak in Hokien to FU PENG. His words are translated as This unworthy person welcomes you and delights in your safe arrival. The BRIGADIER stares at him. FU PENG'S reaction is astonishing. He rises to his feet with a smile on his face, bows and also speaks in Hokien, his words meaning Thank you for your courtesy and welcome. It is I who am delighted to meet such a charming person in this barbaric country. FU PENG then speaks in English...) FU PENG: It is rare to meet a westerner who knows my language. DOCTOR: Oh, thank you. Actually I fear my Hokien is somewhat rusty. FU PENG: On the contrary, it is excellent. (FU PENG gestures to his aide who brings forward a chair for the DOCTOR to sit on. The BRIGADIER'S needs are not attended to. The DOCTOR sits.) DOCTOR: Well, it's many years since I've had a chance to use it. I remember once having a conversation with Tse-Tung... (FU PENG leaps to his feet, a look of anger on his face.) FU PENG: Tse-Tung! But that is the personal name of our chairman - Mao Tse-Tung! DOCTOR: He himself gave me leave to use it. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, if we could just discuss the immediate problem... (But FU PENG ignores him, having been completely won over by the DOCTOR. He takes off his cap and bows smiling...) FU PENG: You will take some tea? (The DOCTOR bows his head and replies in Hokien. FU PENG speaks to his aide in their own language. The aide bows and leaves. The DOCTOR gets up, stares at the BRIGADIER until he moves out of his way and then follows FU PENG into another room, both of them conversing in Hokien as they go. Left behind and lost for words, the BRIGADIER ruefully sits down in the DOCTOR'S vacated chair.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY (Back at the prison, things are getting back to normal but the PRISON OFFICERS are still on edge. They are escorting a prisoner - MAILER - from his cell on the upper level.) PRISON OFFICER: Come on Mailer. Up you come, get behind me there. (MAILER steps in line between two of the OFFICERS and starts to be escorted away. At the same time, SENIOR PRISON OFFICER GREEN is escorting VOSPER, another prisoner on cleaning duties up the staircase. A look of recognition passes between MAILER and VOSPER. GREEN opens the barred gate.) SENIOR PRISON OFFICER GREEN: Right Vosper, come on. (..and escorts VOSPER through, locking it behind him. VOSPER sneaks another look at MAILER as he is led towards the staircase.) PRISON OFFICER: (To MAILER.) Down you go. (MAILER goes down the main staircase. GREEN leads VOSPER with his brush and a hand box of cleaning items down another staircase...) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. CELL (...and into a vacant cell.) SENIOR PRISON OFFICER GREEN: Right Vosper, get busy. I want this place cleaned up properly. [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (In the theatre, the unattended Keller machine has come back to life again...) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MEDICAL WING (In the hospital, BARNHAM in still in bed - awake and listening to the radio through headphones. DR. SUMMERS is taking notes when JO walks in with a box of chocolates. Outside, the sound of the prisoners shouting and the attempts to calm them can be heard again.) DR. SUMMERS: Hello. JO: How is he? DR. SUMMERS: Fit as a fiddle, aren't you Barnham? (He shakes BARNHAM, who takes the headphone off.) DR. SUMMERS: Barnham...visitor for you. (To JO.) Pull up a chair. (JO does so and hands BARNHAM the chocolates.) JO: Hello. BARNHAM: (Puzzled.) Thank you. Do I know you? JO: Well, we've sort of met... BARNHAM: (Rubbing his forehead.) It's just that...I can't seem to remember anybody or anything very well. JO: Don't you remember being treated by the Keller machine? BARNHAM: Ah...it's all a bit of a blank, I'm afraid. Do you know, you wouldn't believe this, but I couldn't even remember me own name, huh...not 'til the Doctor there told me. JO: Well, I'm glad to see you looking so much better. Bye. (She gets up.) BARNHAM: Thanks very much for the chocolates, Miss. (JO smiles at him and goes into the side office.) JO: Well, everything seems all right. DR. SUMMERS: (Sighs.) I'm not sure. I still think that in Barnham's case the machine has overreacted - it's extracted all the negative impulses from his brain. JO: So what does that make him now? DR. SUMMERS: It depends how you look at it - an idiot...or a saint. [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. CELL (VOSPER is sweeping the cell floor watched by SENIOR PRISON OFFICER GREEN. Outside, they can hear the other prisoners' shouts.) VOSPER: Getting a bit noisy, ain't it, Mr. Green? (GREEN steps outside. Immediately, VOSPER rummages through his hand box of cleaning items and pulls out a small gun, which he secretes underneath the pillow on the cell bed.) SENIOR PRISON OFFICER GREEN: (OOV) Right, let's keep those prisoners quiet - all of you!. Keep quiet. (VOSPER returns to his sweeping as GREEN re-enters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY (CHIEF PRISONER OFFICER POWERS, the GOVERNOR and three OFFICERS are moving MAILER. As they about to go through the barred gate, POWERS shouts out...) CHIEF PRISONER OFFICER POWERS: All right! Keep that noise down! PRISON OFFICER: (Shouts.) ... the Governor ...! (The racket continues as MAILER is escorted down the stairs in the side gallery.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. CELL (The party enters the cell that VOSPER is cleaning.) CHIEF PRISONER OFFICER POWERS: All right, Vosper, outside. (VOSPER does so. MAILER looks round.) MAILER: Proper little home from home, ain't it? PRISON GOVERNOR: You'll be in this cell until sentence is carried out, Mailer. MAILER: (Lying on the bed.) Oh, don't put any money on it, Governor. No one's turning me into a zombie and that includes you, mate. CHIEF PRISONER OFFICER POWERS: That's enough of that, Mailer. (MAILER snores in derision...) PRISON GOVERNOR: All right, Chief. (He leaves.) CHIEF PRISONER OFFICER POWERS: (To one of the PRISON OFFICERS.) Watch him. FIRST PRISON OFFICER: Yes sir. (The CHIEF leaves the cell closing the door behind him and two PRISON OFFICERS in the room with MAILER. One of the OFFICERS picks up a draft board.) FIRST PRISON OFFICER: Fancy a game then, Harry, pass the time? MAILER: Drop dead. FIRST PRISON OFFICER: Suit yourself. (To the SECOND OFFICER.) Come on, let's have a game. (They set up the game.) FIRST PRISON OFFICER: Right, you're black. SECOND PRISON OFFICER: Cup of tea? FIRST PRISON OFFICER: No, you're all right. (As they chat, MAILER feels underneath the pillow to check that the gun is there. Satisfied, he sits back.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. CHINESE DELEGATION QUARTERS (The DOCTOR sips his cup of Chinese tea. The BRIGADIER impatiently checks his watch. FU PENG smiles and speaks in Hokien to the DOCTOR who replies in the same language, then says in English...) DOCTOR: I should be delighted to dine with you soon. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Err, yes, well there are a few questions that I should like to ask, Mr. Fu Peng... (FU PENG interrupts and speaks to the DOCTOR in Hokien again, nodding at the BRIGADIER.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To the DOCTOR.) What did he say? DOCTOR: Err, dried squid and stewed jellyfish, my dear fellow - for our dinner! (The BRIGADIER looks rueful. The DOCTOR finishes his tea and gets up. FU PENG also gets up and they smile, bow and make statements of thanks in Hokien.) FU PENG: 'Til our next meeting then...my dear Sing-Sen. (The DOCTOR walks towards the door, which the aide has opened for him.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To FU PENG.) Ah, I really must insist on asking... DOCTOR: Come along, my dear fellow, we've got a great deal of work to do, you know. (He walks out.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Err, could you perha... (FU PENG, a hostile look on his face, curtly bows. Defeated, the BRIGADIER does the same and walks out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. CELL (In the cell, the drafts game continues. MAILER watches from the bed, whistling...) MAILER: Well where's this grub then? You planning to starve me to death? FIRST PRISON OFFICER: (Impatiently.) It's coming, Mailer, it's coming. MAILER: Yeah, so is Christmas. (The cell door opens and another OFFICER walks in with a tray of food. MAILER jumps up from the bed, grabs the OFFICER from behind...) MAILER: Right! (...and the points the gun at the other two OFFICERS as they jump up.) MAILER: Easy! (He points the gun at his hostage's head.) MAILER: Keys...come on. Now move it! [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. UNIT LONDON HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE (The BRIGADIER sits at his desk while the DOCTOR looks out of the window.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Are you're seriously suggesting there's a connection? DOCTOR: (Turning round.) Another mysterious death with unexplained marks on the face and body? There's got to be. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: But this Keller machine of yours is miles away. DOCTOR: Mmm. (There is a knock at the door and YATES walks in with some papers, which he hands to the BRIGADIER.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Excuse me, sir. We're about ready for off sir, if you'll just okay the movement order onward plans. DOCTOR: Off for another little trip, Captain Yates? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Err, not exactly, Doctor. We're moving the Thunderbolt. DOCTOR: The what? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: The Thunderbolt. It's a nuclear powered missile with a warhead full of nerve gas. DOCTOR: I thought they'd outlawed those things? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh yes, they have. This one's on its way to the naval dockyard - they're going to dump it at the bottom of the ocean. DOCTOR: With the peace conference going on...it's not the most tactful time to be trundling rockets about, is it? (He turns back to the window as the BRIGADIER looks over the papers.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I see you're taking Benton? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: If it's okay with you, sir? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, you're welcome to him. Just make sure he doesn't lose the missile for you. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sir? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well he somehow managed to lose a Chinese girl in broad daylight. (At the window, the DOCTOR is instantly alert...) DOCTOR: Chinese girl - what Chinese girl?! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Giving YATES the papers.) All right, Yates, carry on. Good luck. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Oh, thank you sir. (He leaves.) DOCTOR: (Sternly.) Brigadier, what Chinese girl?! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, Captain Chin Lee - the General's aide. I thought she was implicated so I had her followed. Benton lost her. DOCTOR: That's it then - that's the link... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What is? DOCTOR: When Emil Keller installed his machine at Stangmoor prison, he had a Chinese girl with him as an assistant. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It could be coincidence? DOCTOR: Coincidence, my foot! You'd better put out a general alert for that Chinese girl, Brigadier. She's got to be found and quick! [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. UNIT LONDON HQ (CHIN LEE is a stone's throw from UNIT HQ - on the other side of the square. She walks towards the limousine. The Chauffeur holds open the door. The MASTER is sat within, smoking a large cigar.) MASTER: You are late, Captain. CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: My apologies, Master. (He pats the seat and she nervously gets in beside him.) MASTER: You did well at the conference. Now I have another little task for you. CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: (Pleads.) No, no, please, no! Not... (He grabs her chin and turns her face towards him. She is held by his hypnotic gaze.) MASTER: You will obey me! CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: (Succumbs.) I ... will...obey...you, Master. MASTER: Tonight, you will kill the American delegate. CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: Tonight, I...will...kill...the...American...delegate. MASTER: Good, now you may go. (He snaps his fingers. She blinks and gets out of the car.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY (The prisoners' take-over has spread. As the alarm bell rings incessantly, MAILER holds his gun at GREEN'S chest and he and several other OFFICERS stand with their hands on their heads before their captives...) MAILER: (To GREEN.) Now just one peep out of you - that's all! (VOSPER runs up.) VOSPER: I've done the ... , Harry. MAILER: Good boy. VOSPER: But they've got the wing surrounded. SENIOR PRISON OFFICER GREEN: You've got no chance... MAILER: Shut up! They won't come in - not while we've got so many screws here. VOSPER: Are you sure? MAILER: They can't get in... VOSPER: We can't get out! MAILER: Oh, we'll get out. Now shutup - let me think! (To a prisoner.) Here you, take over. (The prisoner takes guard of GREEN whilst MAILER and VOSPER move to one side to confer.) VOSPER:... , Harry, they'll starve us out. MAILER: What we want is hostages. VOSPER: We've got 'em! MAILER: We need more. Now if we cut around the kitchen, get to the prison hospital, maybe we can grab a Doctor. All right? Now you lot stay here! (To VOSPER.) Come on... (They run off...) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MEDICAL WING (JO tries a phone whilst SUMMERS locks a drugs cupboard.) JO: It's no good. The line's dead. DR. SUMMERS: You'd better go to the admin block, Miss Grant. JO: What about you? DR. SUMMERS: I'll stay here. Someone's bound to get hurt by the time they fin... (The door bursts open and MAILER and VOSPER enter. MAILER nods at SUMMERS.) MAILER: Him. (VOSPER runs forward. JO stares at MAILER.) MAILER: You're not going to give me any trouble, are you, hmm? [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. UNIT LONDON HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE (NIGHT) (Evening is falling. As CORPORAL BELL draws the curtains, both the BRIGADIER and the DOCTOR are making phone calls...) DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Look operator, I've been waiting some considerable time now for my call to Stangmoor prison. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) All right, keep looking. Yes, let me know as soon as you hear anything. (He puts his phone down.) DOCTOR: Yes, all right, yes. I'll hang on. (To the BRIGADIER.) There's some trouble there with the lines. (The BRIGADIERS phone rings.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Lethbridge Stewart? (He listens.) What? (Listens.) No, don't arrest her, I'll deal with this myself. (He puts the phone down.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Message from one of my agents. Chin Lee's turned up again. (He makes for the door.) DOCTOR: Chin Lee? Where? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: She's just been seen entering the Chinese delegate's suite. [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. CHINESE DELEGATION QUARTERS (NIGHT) (In the deserted suite, CHIN LEE picks up a phone.) CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: (Into phone.) Room four hundred and eleven. (Waits, then...) Hello, is the American delegate there please? This is Captain Chin Lee of the Chinese people's delegation. I wish to speak to Senator Alcott urgently. (Listens.) Yes, thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. AMERICAN DELEGATION QUARTERS (NIGHT) (An aide shows SENATOR ALCOTT into a room. He holds a dinner napkin. The aide leaves. ALCOTT picks up a phone.) SENATOR ALCOTT: (Into phone.) Hello, Senator Alcott speaking? (Listens.) Yes, Captain, what can I do for you? [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. CHINESE DELEGATION QUARTERS (NIGHT) CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: (Into phone.) Comrade Fu Peng wishes to see you immediately and wonders if you could come to our suite. [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. AMERICAN DELEGATION QUARTERS (NIGHT) SENATOR ALCOTT: (Into phone.) What? At this time of night? [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. CHINESE DELEGATION QUARTERS (NIGHT) CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: (Into phone.) It is a matter of vital importance. He wishes to assure you that it is to your country's advantage. [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. AMERICAN DELEGATION QUARTERS (NIGHT) SENATOR ALCOTT: (Into phone.) But Captain, this is highly irregular. [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. CHINESE DELEGATION QUARTERS (NIGHT) CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: (Into phone.) He asks that you come alone - the subject is most secret. [SCENE_BREAK] 37: INT. AMERICAN DELEGATION QUARTERS (NIGHT) SENATOR ALCOTT: (Into phone - with reluctance.) All right, I'll be right over. [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. CHINESE DELEGATION QUARTERS (NIGHT) CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: (Into phone.) Your time will not be wasted, Senator. (As if a trance, she puts the phone down, goes to the main door of the suite and takes the chain lock off. She then hides round a corner of the corridor and waits. There is a knock at the door but CHIN LEE doesn't move. There is another knock and then the door opens and ALCOTT enters.) SENATOR ALCOTT: Hello? Anyone home? Mr. Fu Peng? (ALCOTT enters the main room and CHIN LEE follows.) SENATOR ALCOTT: Mr. Fu Peng? (CHIN LEE shuts the door to the main suite behind her. ALCOTT spins round.) SENATOR ALCOTT: Oh...may I ask what this is all about, Captain. CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: Of course. SENATOR ALCOTT: Well, where's Mr. Fu Peng? CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: He will be here soon. Sit down. SENATOR ALCOTT: Now look, Captain, I'm in the middle of my dinner and I... CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: Sit down...please. SENATOR ALCOTT: All right, but make it short will you? (He walks over to a chair and sits as CHIN LEE walks over to a light switch and turns the lights down in the room. ALCOTT jumps up.) SENATOR ALCOTT: Wh...what are you doing? (The room is filled with the noise of the Keller machine. ALCOTT puts his hands to his head and falls back into the chair.) SENATOR ALCOTT: Oh...this noise...this noise in my head... (CHIN LEE walks across the room towards him as he starts to feel intense pain, clutching at his tie.) SENATOR ALCOTT: This terrible ... ! (He jumps to his feet again.) SENATOR ALCOTT: What's happening?! (He points at CHIN LEE as she starts to shimmer. The image of her adjusts to that of a Chinese dragon, roaring and breathing fire. ALCOTT starts to become hysterical...) SENATOR ALCOTT: Get back! Get back, I tell you! Get back! Don't come near me! What's ha... (The dragon gets nearer...)	Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who is recalled by UNIT to help investigate Cheng-Teek's murder? A: Cheng-Tiek's; Q: Whose murder is the Doctor investigating? A: Chin-Lee; Q: Who is under the control of the Master? Summary: The Doctor is recalled by UNIT to help investigate Cheng-Tiek's murder but is unaware that Chin-Lee is under the control of the Master.
5.13 - Coming and Going Blake: Oh, man. We're losing this guy. That's basal constriction. Glenn, I-I-I don't know what to do. Glenn: He's got a B.T.O.F. We're gonna have to hit him with some atropine. Blake: No, no, no, no, Glenn, that could kill him! Tha... That's reckless! Glenn: Get your hands off me. Blake: Ju... Wow. That was...was exciting. That was exciting. Glenn: Eh. Blake: Glenn, I never would have had the boots to pull off a stuff like you pulled off in there today. I am amazed at what you do every day in that O.R. Glenn: Eh, it ain't brain surgery. Blake: Well, but that is literally what it is. Glenn: I guess I've been doing it so long that... I don't feel anything anymore. Blake: Huh. Glenn: Look, I'll show you. Hit me in the face. Blake: No, no, that... That's not my style. Glenn: Hit me in the face! Blake: Okay. Owen: Hey! Take that crap outside. Glenn: Hey, hey, it's cool. See? I didn't feel anything at all. Lola: So, Cat and Chief, uh, I have this gift certificate for free premium cable television, but, you know, you can only redeem it if you're pregnant. Do you guys know anyone like that? Cat: Hmm. Chief: Pregnant? Valerie: Uh, guys? I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant. Lola: Oh, thank God. Cat: We thought that you might be, but we just didn't know how to go about it. It was one of the... You know, it's rude to ask. Sy: Hi, everybody. Hi, Chief. What do I have here? Two tickets to see Oprah live in Tokyo! Cat: Get out of town! Sy: Anybody want to come hang out with me? Chief: No! Cat: I'd really like to... Valerie: Huge Oprah fanatic. Sy: Well, Val, you can't go 'cause you're pregnant. Blake, you're a clown. Glenn, you're Jewish. You can see Oprah any old time. Lola, you've got that thing. Lola: What? Sy: And Cat and Owen... So that leaves Chief. Hey, Chief! Would you like to go with me, Chief? Chief: No. Sy: I'll see you outside in 10. Hello. Hello. Hello. Cat: He's saying "hello," but he's going out... [ Soldiers shouting cadences ] Jewy: Okay, thank you so much, Margaret, for sharing your marriage struggles with all of us. Your stories are an inspiration to us, if also quite boring. Now then, Lola, tell us, how was your week? Lola: Well, I'm still a little depressed. I feel so empty inside. Jewy: The Torah speaks of the concept of "Tzedakah." This is doing good for other people as a means for personal fulfillment. Lola: Sounds tiring. Jewy: You can start small. Do one thing for a friend who's in need. Take Owen here, for example. Just the other day in one of our private, confidential sessions, he confessed to me that he's never had an orgasm. Owen: Whoa! Jewy: I'm trying to help you, Owen. I think Lola here could assist you in having your first orgasm. It would be the ultimate in giving, don't you think? Lola: Is that true? Have you never...? Jewy: He's never had an orgasm. He's told me many times. Owen: I've come close. I just haven't sealed the deal. Jewy: Go ahead. Let it out, Owen. Cry. He cries a lot in our private sessions. Owen: Come on, man! Sy: Oh, Chief! I am so excited because we rarely get to spend this one-on-one time. Chief: Well, don't get used to it. This is a one-time deal. Hey, do these windows work? Sy: Why? Chief: Oh, I fart a lot on bumpy roads. Uneven sphincter. Sy: Oh, yeah, it'll be like roses to me. Chief: Oh, I can absolutely guarantee it that it will not. [ Spits ] Lola: I have no romantic feelings for Owen, like, whatsoever. Jewy: Maybe if you came up with a few ground rules, you'd be more comfortable with the idea. Lola: Like... No kissing on the mouth, no eye contact, no pet name, no snuggling, no whispering, the lights stay on, and I get to pick the music? Like those kind of ground rules? Jewy: Exactly, yes, that kind. Lola: Okay. I will have s*x with you. But you will refer to me as Lola or Dr. Spratt only. No compliments will be paid, positive or negative. No nodding, no shaking of the head, and we are done by 6:00 p.m. tonight, orgasm or no. Also... Glenn: I'm telling you, man, I can't experience an emotional reaction from anything. Blake: What about this? [ Puppy whimpering ] Glenn: I mean, I get that it's cute, intellectually, but it's... nothing. Cat: Hey, what's with the suitcase? Valerie: Oh, I'm, uh, flying to New York so I can be with my family when I go into labor. Cat: Honey, you're too far along to get on that plane. I mean, the pressure from the cabin's gonna make your stomach explode. Valerie: Thanks, Cat, but... I'm a grown woman and a doctor. I think I'll be fine. Cat: Who said anything about you being stupid? I never said that. Valerie: What? Cat: What? Valerie: I know you didn't. Why would you say that? Why would I even think that? Cat: Oh, okay, good. So you'll cancel your flight and have your baby here? Valerie: No. Cat: You're stupid! Valerie: You know what? I'm getting on that plane no matter what, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Cat: Because you're stupid. Blake: "...And I never saw them again. The end." [ Breathes deeply ] Glenn: Nothing. Blake: Really? Glenn: Not a thing. Blake: Wow! I read the whole book to you. Lola: No saying words that have to do with moisture. Example... Damp, wet, juicy, moist, flood, swampy. No waving, no flailing, no butt stuff, obviously. Blake: Ah! Yeah! Oh! Glenn: Nothing. Ballard: Hey, guys, guys! I know you're not military, but we do have rules against fireworks around here. Blake: Oh, I'm sorry. I usually do not break the rules. Glenn: I do. I love breaking rules. I do crazy things. Try me. Ballard: Look, I am cool, but some of these other guys might be a little uptight and what have you, just 'cause we're so close to the weapons locker room. Glenn: Weapons locker room? What, is that where they keep all the guns? Ballard: Well, that's top-secret, but, yes, that's exactly where they keep all the guns. Glenn: Show me. Ballard: Okay. Cat: Hey, um, is this the Osaka Airport? Great, okay. So, I'm calling on behalf of a gang of terrorists that I'm with. Yeah, we put a very large bomb, uh, somewhere in the airport, so I think you should probably ground all of your planes. I know, okay. All right, well, good luck with that. All right, I love you... Bye. Another bomb threat. Williams, contact Ft. Rosenthal. Have them send some boys over to check out the airport. [ Telephone rings ] Ballard: So you like weapons, this is the room for you. And if you ever want to check the place out when I'm not around, the code is 3-4-5-8 delta echo, but you didn't hear that from me. [ Ringing ] No answer? All right, pull up some satellite images over Ft. Rosenthal. Let's see what's going on. Lola: You can't say any words related to and or having to do with intimacy. For example... Connection, deep, yes, good, and... No, I think that's it. Okay? So, meet me in O.R. 3 in one hour, showered and powdered. Owen: It's a deal. Lola: Oh, and one more thing... No falling in love. Jewy: What's up her twat, huh? Williams: Captain, you need to see this right away. These images out of Ft. Rosenthal are less than an hour old. Get these images analyzed. They don't look military. I want to know what kind of explosions these are. Lola: All right. Are you ready? Owen: Are you gonna take your clothes off? Lola: No. No. Okay. [ Unzips ] Owen: Should I? Lola: No. All right, okay. Okay, now if you could just... Owen: Unzip? Lola: Yeah, I'm gonna move this to the side. Owen: If you could open that. Lola: Yep, good, and there we go. No, don't look me in the eyes. Don't look at me. Now, how does it feel so far? Blake: [ Gasps ] Glenn: Russian roulette. One bullet, six chambers. Maybe this will get my adrenaline flowing. Blake: No, come on, that's way too dangerous. Ballard: Yeah, guys, personally, I'm cool with it, but... Blake: Ah! Come on, come on! [ Gun clicks ] Glenn: Nothing. Here, you try it. Maybe I'll feel something if it's you. Blake: No way. I've never even shot a gun before. You think the first time should be at my own head? Glenn: Try it, clown! [ Gunshot ] [ Electricity crackles ] [ Energy humming ] Blake: Uh-oh. Williams: Captain, it looks like the power has gone out at the Fort. What the hell is going on? Valerie: My flight was canceled due to a bomb threat. [ Gasps ] Cat! You didn't! What if they trace the call? You could go to prison! Cat: Don't be so dramatic, Val. It was a bomb "threat," not a bomb "promise." Wait. I got a trace report from where the bomb threat was called. Looks like it came from... inside the base. Call in the SEAL team. I want boots on the ground... Boots with guns. Team Spider, you are cleared to enter the perimeter. Exercise extreme caution. Glenn: Hey, what's this? Blake: Aah! Ballard: You don't need to know what that is, but it's a rocket launcher. Do not engage. It's recon mission only. [ Alarm blaring ] Blake: Ow! What is that? Valerie: [ Groans ] Cat: What is going on? Geez. Valerie: Nothing. Get out of here. Cat: You're going into labor, aren't you? Was it the siren that triggered it? How fun! Valerie: [ Groans ] Cat: Can I put some coconut oil on your perineum? Ballard: Power must have knocked the phones out, too. The perimeter alarm was set off. Blake: What's a perimeter alarm? Ballard: Could be nothing. A dog could have tripped the alarm or it could be a terrorist invasion. Either way, it was nice to meet you guys. Got to go back to my post. Glenn: Here, put this on. Blake: Why? Glenn: I'm gonna go shoot something. Looks like either a dog or some terrorists. Sy: You know, Oprah's studio looks so much smaller on TV. This place is huge! Chief: Pretty impressive warm-up band. Who is it? Sy: The, uh, Tokyo Philharmonic. Chief: I was gonna guess Goo Goo Dolls. You know, I am literally, like, addicted to meatballs. [SCENE_BREAK] Team Spider, what intel can you provide from the air? Glenn: Now, where's the damn dog? I need to feel. Ah, terrorists. Maybe there's a dog in there. Blake: Whoa, whoa! We don't know that! Hard left! We're taking fire! Blake: Oh... Glenn: Oh, that's Americans, not terrorists. NORAD, we're being fired on! Enemies unknown, numbers unknown! Request immediate backup! You got it, Spider. A unit's on its way. [ Orchestral music plays ] Sy: Here comes Oprah. Blackhawk Nine-zero-niner, you're clear to engage the enemy. Safety's off. Lola: Uh-huh? Owen: Thanks for trying, Lola, but I just don't think it's working. Cat: This is ridiculous. I'm sorry that I called in a bomb threat that prevented you from having your baby with your loved ones, okay? ♪ When I am laid ♪ Chief: That's not op-e-rah. Oh, I see what happened here. [ Dramatic music plays ] [ Helicopter blades whirring ] Sy: Honestly, Chief, I thought it was Oprah, not opera. Just give me five minutes, please, I know you're gonna love this. Chief: Well, this better get good before I run out of meatballs. Engage! Blow it all to hell! Ballard: Aah! Run! Get to cover! Glenn: [ Laughing ] Blake: Glenn! Glenn: This is happening, Blake! I can feel this! [ Laughing ] I'm alive! Blake: Glenn! [ Body thuds ] ♪ May my wrongs create ♪ ♪ No trouble ♪ ♪ No trouble ♪ ♪ In thy breast ♪ Sy: Isn't this moving, Chief? Chief: Huh? What? No. Whatever. I mean, it's no...bowl of meatballs. [ Explosion ] Lola: [ Gasps ] Owen: Thought you said no eye-looking-into? Lola: Oh. Well, I mean, I wasn't... [ Explosion ] What the hell is that? It sounded like a bomb. Owen: I think I felt something. Lola: Really? Well, maybe the bomb is the key. [ Gasps ] Let's go outside, closer to the bombs! Owen: Closer to the bombs. Good idea. Cat: Now let me bring your baby into this world. Valerie: It's too late. Somebody else is already helping me. Cat: Who? Hello? Valerie: She is. Scrub up, little girl. Blake: Aah! Come on! Hang in there, Glenn! What the...? Huh? Glenn: Oh, my gosh! They shot Josh! Blake: Oh, my God. I thought this was you. I thought it was you, Glenn. It was so confusing! It's just Josh, the other Jewish doctor on our staff. Glenn: He was our best Jewish pulmonary specialist. Blake: Well, I... I don't know if he was the best. Glenn: Well, he's one of the top two or three I think. Blake: Uh, what about Jake? Uh, Jake Weingart? Glenn: Jacob's really good. Blake: He's good. He's good. Glenn: He's very good. Blake: But, hey... I'm glad you're okay. Glenn: Oh, hey, Blake, don't worry about me. Nothing can hurt me. Absolutely... [ Both screaming ] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! It's hot, it's hot! The bullet's hot! Blake: Relax! Relax! Glenn: I can't! It's a hot bullet! [ Explosion ] It sounds like the 4th of July out there! Valerie: It's gonna be like the 4th of July in here, too. But really wet. So, here... Put these gloves on. Cat: Don't you think you're being a little stubborn by letting a 4-year-old girl deliver your baby instead of a trained O.B.? Valerie: Dr. Little Girl is trained. Right, Dr. Little Girl? I can draw a unicorn and a Dracula. Valerie: See?! Can you do that, Cat? Cat: You know I can't. Owen: Aah! Aah! Lola: Hey, is that an orgasm? Owen: No! This is terrifying! I think we should go back inside! Lola: Hey, what are you lookin' at? Sorry! Owen: Hey, hey, I think I felt something. Lola: Maybe you like having other people around. That gives me an idea. Come on. Thanks for coming on such short notice, Dori. Dori: Oh, it's no problem. Beth is covering me at the front desk. Is there any progress, Owen? Owen: No, but if I could just make a little tweak to the situation... Lola: Oh, yeah, yeah. Jewy: Mm, yeah, this is the real Tzedakah here. Glenn: Aah! Blake: It's all right! All right, I've stopped the bleeding, but I got to get you out of here. Glenn: No, no, no! No, we can't go out there. They're shooting bullets, and the bullets are so hard. They're hard like lead and copper. An... And they're hot! Hot like a cat on a hot tin roof! Blake: Shut up! Snap out of it! I'm not gonna let you die! [ Explosion ] Glenn: Aah! It's okay, lady. Have more peanut butter. Cat: Oh, Val, enough! Valerie: Don't touch me! Dr. Little Girl, more peanut butter! Cat: Dr. Little Girl, with all due respect... Glenn: Aah! Why are they still firing at us? Blake: I don't know! The phones must still be out. There's no way to tell them that we're Americans. They still think we're the terrorists. If there was just a way... A way to let them know we're Americans... Wait. That's it. If I can raise the American flag, then they'll know. Glenn: Or... Or we could just stay here and cuddle. [ Explosion ] Blake: I got to raise the flag. It's the only way to save us. [ Grunting ] Glenn: Blake?! Bla-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a... a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ke! [ Mozart's "Requiem" plays ] I take it back. I don't want to feel. It's too much. I was kidding. I was wrong. I was young and just a snot-nosed little kid who knows nothing about nothing. We're all just little kids, thinking with our penises, our vaginas, respectively. And now I'm a man... And my friend's in trouble. And that's the secret... Helping others. Tzedakah. Duh. It's like, "duh." [ Singing in Latin ] Chief: What is she saying? Sy: She's saying that she loves the king but she didn't realize it until he died. Lola: Oh, it's almost 6:00. Owen: What? Lola: Look, we don't have much time, but if this fails, I just want you to know I've really enjoyed spending this time with you. Owen: Me, too, Lola. For some reason I feel so much closer to you. It's amazing what a few hours of full penetration can do. Lola: And I know we're not allowed to fall in love, but if we could, I'd fall in love with you. Owen: Whoa. Lola: What? Owen: I just felt something. Lola: Oh. What's happening? Owen: Oh, no, wait. No, don't wait. Don't wait. Keep going. Keep going, please. [ Both moaning ] Valerie: [ Groaning ] It's scary down there. Cat: Look, let the grown-ups handle this, Dr. Little Girl. Go find your mommy. My mommy flew on an airplane with a baby in her tummy and her tummy went boom. ♪ Amen ♪ [ Explosion ] Valerie: Oh, my God. You were right, Cat. That could have been me. Cat: I told you so, stupid. [ Both moaning ] Owen: [ Growling ] Valerie: Aah! Cat: You're almost there! Just breathe! Valerie: Oh, God! I owe you my life! I'm gonna name my baby after you, Cat. What's your full name? Cat: Catholomule. Valerie: What? Blake: Stop! Stop! We're Americans! Glenn: Blake! Blake: Look at the flag! Come on! Owen: Aah! Aah! Cat: Here it comes! Glenn: Blake! Blake! Chief: [ Sobbing ] [ Operatic music plays ] Owen: [ Screaming ] Valerie: Aah! Aah! Chief: [ Sobbing ] Owen: Is this what you wanted? Lola: Yes! Owen: Is this what you wanted?! Glenn: I'm coming! Cat: It's coming! Owen: I'm coming! Aah! [ Operatic music continues ] Stand down. Everyone stand down! They're Americans! Glenn: They're going! They're going! [ Both laugh ] Valerie: [ Laughing ] Sal: Attention, staff... War is not the answer unless the question is "What is the singular of 'wars'?" That is all. Lola: So wait... You have had an orgasm before? Owen: I didn't realize that's what an orgasm was. I've had thousands of those. I think it was a semantics thing. Sy: Excuse me. How is it possible that we were gone for 24 little hours and this place is such a mess? It seems like a bomb went off in here. Blake: That is literally what happened. Sy: That's what it seems like to me. That a bomb went off in here. Blake: It seems that way because that is what happened. Sy: That's the feeling I'm getting, exactly... I'm feeling a bomb went off in here. Lola: There was bombs. Blake: You're feeling right. You're feeling right. Sy: Well, then we're on the same page because, wow! Anybody who came in here would feel the same way... A bomb went off in here. Owen: We just got attacked. Sy: Well, I would like to talk to those people to see if they have the same feeling I do. Blake: You're talking to all of them right here. Owen: Raining hellfire from above. Lola: Screaming. Sy: Well, it seems very "bomby." Sal: Attention, staff... Our military adventure is over, just like that movie, "M.A.S.H." That is Altman.	Plan: A: a head; Q: What does the doctors' stay in Japan come to in the season finale? A: a double-episode season finale; Q: What is the title of the episode that ends the doctors' stay in Japan? Summary: The doctors' stay in Japan comes to a head in a double-episode season finale.
Gibbs: Previously on NCIS... Jacob Scott, former MI6, caught selling U.S. nuclear Intel to Russia. At MI6, he functioned at the highest level of security, until we got a tip from the CIA. Jacob Scott's out for blood. Yeah? Whose? He said NCIS killed his wife. The stolen file-- put it up. Boss, this is a hit list? Where would he start, Gibbs? The top. Fornell: The man who ordered the whole damn thing-- Tom Morrow. No. What's that? (phone ringing) (silenced gunshot) (ringing continues) Woman: Sir, you can't go in there. No, I'm going in! Sir! EMT: Pulse is erratic. Blood pressure's dropping. Gibbs: Tobias, can you hear me? Nurse: 30 ccs of etomidate. A hundred of Succinylcholine. Prep him for surgery. Is he going to be okay? He lost a lot of blood. We'll do what we can. Wait, wait. I have a friend, Dr. Cyril Taft. He's out of the country right now, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... but maybe he can help. You'll... you need to prepare yourself. Prepare myself? For what? Hey. Give me a sitrep. Former MI6 Chief Terdei's body's been secured. Got a BOLO out on Jacob Scott over the entire tri-state area. Where's DiNozzo? McGee: He just got back from Russia. He's on his way from the airport. How's Fornell? (sighs) We need to find his daughter. Tony: I got her. She's still in school. Agents are bringing her in now, but, uh, she doesn't know anything yet. She just lost one parent, she can't lose another. Gibbs: You and that MI6 officer Reeves were tracking Scott in Moscow. What the hell happened? Just never got a lock on him. Jacob must've slipped back into the States somehow. What's our next move, boss? We're gonna find Jacob Scott. And we're gonna kill him. ♪ NCIS 13x23 ♪ Original Air Date on May 10, 2016 [SCENE_BREAK] Boss, pulled a fingerprint off the back window. Jacob Scott was here. I talked to a colleague at the hospital. Fornell is still in surgery. How's he doing? Well, I wish I had good news. The best I can offer is to say that a lesser man would be dead already. He's putting up one hell of a fight. Ducky: Well, what exactly happened? Fornell took three shots, landed on the coffee table here, and reached for his cell phone here before losing consciousness. Emily: Out of my way! This is my uncle's house! Mr. Palmer. Emily: Gibbs, tell this agent to back off, before I scratch his eyes out. Let her in. Yes, sir. (Emily sobs) (sobbing) Okay. You know who did this? You're going get him, right? We won't stop until we do. Emily: When you find him, I want you to hurt him as bad as he hurt my dad. Emily, that's not gonna help your dad. Just promise me that you'll make this guy pay. (phone ringing) McGee: Special Agent McGee. He's not gonna have a good week. Glad we understand each other. McGee: Boss, Director Vance just called. He needs to see you. Says it's urgent. What are you still doing here? DiNozzo, take the scene. Vance: Gibbs. This is FBI Special Agent Tess Monroe. She was working with Agent Fornell on their side of the Jacob Scott case. Agent Monroe. Heard a lot about you from Agent Fornell. I was kind of expecting fangs to be honest. Vance: With Fornell out of commission, Agent Monroe will be taking the point for FBI. You said this was urgent. Monroe: Good. Not a fan of small talk either. Former MI6 Officer, Jacob Scott was arrested for selling classified NCIS data to the Russians in 2002. NCIS and MI6 then tried to have Jacob's buyer arrested. AKA Nika Razin, his wife. Vance: But someone tipped off the Russians, and they took her out before we could get to her. Jacob blames us for her death. I'm aware. Vance: Everyone who worked on his wife's op is a potential target. I noticed. Jacob's already killed Former Director Morrow, MI6 Chief Terdei. FBI's rounding up the remaining targets, putting them in protective custody. But there's two we haven't found. They were partners. They worked out of NCIS's National Security Directorate Division. They're spies. Vance: Like most ex-spies, once they retired they went off the grid. We're up the creek with Jacob in racing for the paddle. If he finds these two before we do, they're dead meat. Vance: And once Jacob gets his revenge, he could disappear forever. And then we won't have ours. Sitrep. Tony: Yeah, boss. FBI just sent over their files on the missing agents. We already did some groundwork using our own personnel records. Bishop: We located the ex-wife of former NCIS Special Agent Kevin Dresser. Where is she? In the conference room with Agent Monroe. Bishop: We told her to wait for you to get back from the Pentagon, but... But what? Well, boss, you know that thing you do where you-your stare at us, and, uh, it's kind of scary, like... like you're doing now? She's also, uh, very good at that. Monroe: My second husband was the same way. Angela: How long did that one last? Agent Gibbs. Join us. This is Angela, former Special Agent Dresser's ex-wife. We need to find your ex-husband. I heard. You need him to testify in an old case he worked, right? She doesn't know where he is. When was the last time you saw him? I haven't seen him in years. After our son was killed, one day he just didn't come home. I never saw him again. I try to wait up every year on our anniversary, but I never seem to catch him. Monroe: What happens on your anniversary? Kevin had a garden he loved. Used to grow Parrot's Beak, my favorite plant. Every year, on the day we were married, he leaves a plant on my porch. When's the next anniversary? Just had one last week. So you still have the plant? Could we look at it? Of course. Take her. Mm-hmm. Pick it up. Agent: Yes, sir. Thank you. Angela: Sure. This way. Let me guess: Why didn't I wait for you? Gibbs: Actually, why the hell didn't you wait for me? Because of that right there. Gibbs... (chuckles) I've been told I can be scary on a good day, but you? I'm sure you're scary every day. Even worse on a day like today. And that woman did not need to be scared. Abbs, you get a chance to process the plant? Shh! Gibbs. Here, better yet, get over here. It's a prayer circle for Fornell. Close your eyes. Aw, Abby... For-nell! Amen. Where were we? You get a chance to run the plant? Examine the plant? I did. You're gonna like what I found-- starting with Agent Dresser's fingerprints on the pot, which confirms that it did come from him. I also analyzed the soil. I found high levels of lead, which is common in urban gardens. Lead pollution sort of precipitates through the air and then settles down on the soil. Lovely, huh? So, Abby, what? Dresser's living in a city. Yeah, well, that didn't narrow it down much, but this will. I also found an interesting mix of nitrogen oxide, black carbon, and ultra-fine particles. That is a telltale sign of both avgas and jet fuel combustion. So Kevin didn't just live in a city... He's living next to an airport. Yeah, and one that services both jets and old-school propeller craft. Now, there's only three private airports that fit that bill, and have a residential area close enough (phone ringing) to be contaminated like that. I made you a list. (ringing continues) Wow, that's really good work, Abbs. Who is it? It's Emily. Hope everything's okay. Yeah. Everything okay? What? Just stay where you are. You stay right where you are. Abby, get that list to DiNozzo. Please calm down. I am calm. You aren't bleeding. Gibbs: Whoa, whoa. What's going on? I just found out my dad has a do not resuscitate order in his file. We discovered the DNR when the FBI sent over the medical records. It says if his heart stops, they should just let him die! I want that thing gone. Now! I know it's difficult, but your father signed the order himself. The only thing that's gonna be difficult is you trying to remove that... Whoa, Em. Calm down. She's his daughter. Come on, she doesn't have a say? Unfortunately, no. Special Agent Fornell specifically listed a non-family member as his durable power of attorney in the event he was unable to make these decisions. Okay. Who is that? You, Agent Gibbs. I presume that's because he trusted you would comply with his wishes. And his wishes were that he... Uncle Gibbs, my dad must've filled that out when he was a mess. He's better now! He probably forgot it even existed. You know he would never give up on me. On you. On the world. He's a fighter. Let him fight. Never crossed my mind not to. Agent Gibbs... Your mom would be proud, Em. For a second there, when I first got here, heard all that, I thought it was your mom. (quiet chuckle) You need anything? Yeah. I need my dad to be okay. And he needs you to get the son of a bitch who did this to him. (phone ringing) Yeah, it's Gibbs. What do you got? We've had teams out canvassing the areas on Abby's list. Someone recognized a photo of Former Agent Dresser. You get an address? Texting it to you now. McGee and Bishop are already on their way. (engine growling, tires screeching) Did you confirm it's Agent Dresser? Flyover shows a flower garden in the backyard. House is leased to a different name, but we think it's an alias. (gunfire) Let's go. McGee, take the back. (men grunting, fists thudding) (crashing, glass shattering) (grunting, thudding) (grunting) Come on... Gibbs: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Put it down. (sudden grunt) NCIS. Put it down. Hands in the air. (panting) I won't be able to show you my I.D., Agent Gibbs. Do I know you? I know you. You get rave reviews from Agent DiNozzo. Clayton Reeves, MI6. I.D. is in my front pocket. If you're MI6, who's that? I haven't the slightest idea. Get up. Slowly. (grunting) Kort. As in CIA Kort? Boo. I thought he only had one eye. (camera shutter clicking) Looks like former Agent Dresser didn't go down without a fight. Back door was broken into. I was able to pull a print here, too. Jacob. Again. We were too late. Clayton: Picked up a lead on Jacob after I landed in DC from a contact of mine in Liverpool. Followed the trail here, saw the body through the window, came in to take a look, and while I was checking the pulse, this ape tried to kill me. Yeah, well, I tend to shoot first, ask questions later when someone's standing over an old friend's dead body. Tony: You have friends? Kort: Back off, DiNozzo. I was best man at his wedding. He called me an hour ago. He said he thought someone was following him. So I came over and ran into James Bond here, who, as far as I'm concerned, is still prime suspect number one. There a reason you didn't tell DiNozzo you were heading back to the States? Tony: I hope it's not that bar tab you and I ran up in Omsk. No. No, I just didn't know my plans until I knew them. Besides, my lead on Jacob was thin. Wait... we're not talking of Jacob Scott, are we? Gibbs: Yeah, we are. Keep talking. Kort: I worked on his case in '02. It's how I met Agent Dresser and I'm guessing why he called me if there's been activity on it. Jacob Scott couldn't have done this. He's been in prison. Escaped three weeks ago. Haven't you heard? CIA is slipping. I've been on assignment. Who's the CIA assassinating now? Jacob, if I can get my hands on him. What's he after? Revenge. For his wife's death. Who's left to kill? Tony: Allen Kane. Dresser's old partner. He's gone off the grid, and we cannot find him. McGee: Think I just did. Looks like he and Dresser stayed in touch. There's an address in here. McGee, take Agent Monroe. Bring in Kane. Be careful, Tim. If we found that address, Jacob might have too. All right, there you go. Said you liked it black, right? Said I wanted it black, not that I liked it. But thank you. No prob. So any activity? Mm-mm. Monroe: I say if Kane is not back within the hour, we go in. I just spoke to Gibbs. He said a half hour. Something change? Yeah, that MI6 guy found a suspicious deposit in Kane's bank account. Kane's dirty? Well, we found out someone warned the Russians back in '02 that we were gonna grab Jacob's buyer. Looks like that might have been Kane. Right. Half hour it is. We have to shoot this guy, I get to take the shot. We're not shooting anyone. No, of course not. Just... if we do. I hate dirty cops. (chuckles) So have you worked with Fornell long? Long enough. Wait, didn't you just transfer from the New York counterterrorism unit a few months ago? How long does it take to get to know somebody? Well, actually, I think it can take years to truly get to know someone. Is that why it took you so long to propose to your girlfriend? Did someone tell you that I was planning on proposing to her? You mean aside from just now? Look, you said some interesting things during the night that gave me a gut feeling. Now you've just confirmed them. Could have just asked, you know? What's the fun in that? Got him. He's running. Wait, don't shoot him. Don't shoot him! Don't shoot him! (tires screech, Kane grunts) (horn honking) FBI. How's your morning going? Why am I in interrogation? Why'd you run? Because I saw two people staking out my place. So, is it true? Did Jacob Scott kill my partner? Then I need to be in protective custody, not here. Clayton: And yet, here you are. In the bad guy room. Gibbs: 50 grand. Oof. To your account. Where'd that come from? Race track. Made some good bets. I got another bet for you. I bet Jacob Scott wasn't the only person leaking info to the Russians. Gibbs: Got a call log from 2002. From your cell phone to a number that we couldn't trace. And that's my problem because...? Clayton: Bad timing. For you. Your call was placed just before the op to grab Jason's wife went south. Someone told the Russians that their buyer was about to be grabbed, and we think that that someone was you. Where's Jacob? I'm not saying another word till I talk to a lawyer. You know you're not the only one to sell out their country to make a buck, right? I mean, I get it. I mean, I-I got my own temptations to deal with. In fact, you want to talk about bad deals going bad? That's gonna be the name of my autobiography. (Gibbs chuckles) But sometimes... sometimes, you have to own the choices you make. For you, bud, it's right now. Lawyer. You're not gonna need one. You're free to leave. I am? Clayton: Yeah. Cheers. Just don't forget to wish us luck before you go. For what? That we find Jacob Scott before he finds you. Yeah. And shoots you in your face. I said I didn't know where he was, okay? (laughing): Okay. See ya 'round. Look, I need to be in protective custody. You can't do this! Really? Check this out. Leaving. With my feet. (laughs) Wait, wait. Stop, stop! I don't know where Jacob is, okay? But I know he had a safe house. Not official, just for himself. In an old motel somewhere. If he's on the run, he'll go there at some point. That's all I know. Now, put me in protective custody, damn it. [SCENE_BREAK] (various people screaming, groaning, moaning) Bishop: Looks like the motel isn't a motel anymore. Tony: Yeah, Motel California. You can check out, but you can never leave. What is going on in these rooms? Release! I leased the building, converted it into a health clinic last year. Our clients now come to experience the release of Rolfing. Uh, Rolfing? Yes. It's a form of intense myofascial manipulation that... (woman moaning in distance) (sighing): Oh... Sounds like my kind of place. I'm Special Agent DiNozzo. This is Special Agent Bishop. Wow, that was quick. I just called the police a few minutes ago. Woman: I lock my office door every night, but when I came in this morning, it was open. Then I saw this on my security cam. It's Jacob. This must have been the room he used for his safe house. Who's Jacob? Someone in need of a release. Tony: Huh. What did this guy hide in my wall? Tony: Who knows? Fake I.D., money. Could be anything. Stop following me, or more people will get hurt. Bishop: Tony and I scoured the entire room, didn't find anything else, but Abby wanted to see everything from the office, just to be sure. Eyewitnesses? Not yet. But Agent Monroe and Reeves are canvassing the area. Scott: Stop following me, or more people will get hurt. Bishop: Is he saying that he'll stop killing people if we just get off his back? Does he want revenge or not? Wait, back it up. Freeze it, right there. Bishop: What's he looking at? It's their Wi-Fi password. Abby: And somebody used it. I finished analyzing the router from the office. Someone logged into their wireless Internet just after the break-in. Bishop: Has to be Jacob. What was he doing? Abby: He was searching for someone. Bishop: Who? He's looking for... ...Ziva. No. Ziva's cell is disconnected, and she's not answering e-mail. McGee: Boss, I'm calling everyone I can think of. No one knows where she is. Somebody knows. Keep trying. Doesn't make any sense. Why is Jacob trying to find Ziva? She doesn't have anything to do with his espionage gigs. Bishop: Agent Munro is down with Ducky to see if he has any insight into Jacob's mental state. We are missing something. The original CIA case files. I texted Kort to get over here, but I haven't heard back. You didn't say please. Texted you an hour ago. I'm not your lap dog. I was working. Jacob Scott's espionage case. Can you get us the case files? May I ask why? Because he's looking for Ziva. Ziva? That doesn't make any sense. She had nothing to do with it. We know that. Just get the files. Worried about your girlfriend, DiNozzo? What's that supposed to mean? You gonna call your attack dog off? No. Fair enough. Not one of my classier moments. Ziva can take care of herself, Tony. You know that. But I'll, uh, ask around, see if anyone's heard from her. Okay? Looking for Ziva? Are you sure, Agent Monroe? Your forensic scientist seems to be. And I make it a point to never question Ph.D's wearing dog collars. Yeah, but why Ziva? Million-dollar question. So, penny for your thoughts, Doc. I took the liberty of working up a psych profile of Jacob Scott two weeks ago. But none of his behavior has made any sense at all. I wouldn't have pegged him for the revenge type, but this trail of bodies suggests otherwise. Of course, it is possible we're dealing with a true sociopath. Again! (laughs) It's-it's just that we've-we've had a number of them over the years and... and they're really, um, see... Um, right, right, sociopathy-- not something to joke about. I-I see where you're coming from. It is possible, however, that Jacob has simply run out of targets but not the need for vengeance. In which case, he would begin to, well, target us. Or those close to us. And this Ziva fits the bill? Uh-huh. Jimmy: And then some. Have you ever done a psych profile on Gibbs? Excuse me? I've heard a lot about him from Agent Fornell. Seems like a pretty complex guy. Just kind of curious what floats his boat. I don't think his boat would float right now. If I had conducted such a profile, the results would be strictly confidential. Well, I'm sure I can get it out of this one easily enough. Okay, A) "this one" has a name: Jimmy Palmer. Nice to meet you. B) You... make me nervous. Hey. Gibbs wants an update on Agent Dresser's autopsy. Yeah, great. Uh... Doctor confirmed that the cause of death was blood loss due to multiple stab wounds. Ducky: Yes, that's correct. But judging by those cuts, it would appear our victim had a knife of his own and used it quite effectively. There were multiple blood types found on the clothing. So Jacob was wounded. Ducky: Yes. And judging by the blood loss, Jacob might well have required stitches after the altercation. So I would suggest that you distribute his picture to all the local hospitals in the area. I've already sent his photo to my colleague, where Fornell is recovering. Any news about Fornell? Yes. He's been upgraded to stable, but he has yet to regain consciousness. And the longer that takes, the worse his prognosis becomes. Emily: As you may recall, I've been trying to give you a pedicure for the last seven years. Which... now that I see your feet, I regret not bringing a biohazard suit with me. Either way... this is your last chance. Wake up right now. Or wake up later with soles as soft as a baby's bottom. Okay, suit yourself. Dad? Dad? Dad? Can you hear me? It's Emily. Open your eyes if you can hear me. I love you, Dad! Now open your eyes, or so help me, I will paint little watermelons on all ten toes! What? What is it? You love me, too? Gibbs... What? Gibbs... Gibbs what? Channel up. Female voice: Changing channel. What time is it? Female voice: 11:58 a.m. What is... the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? Female voice: African or European? African or European? Wouldn't have pegged you for a Monty Python fan. That makes two of us. What's in the box? Forensics from the original espionage case against Jacob Scott. Per Herr Gibbs' request. Executive summary? Jacob was leaking nuclear Intel to the Russians. Data on who exactly had what. Something our allies prefer to keep quiet. Oh... Gibbs wanted me to ask if you found anything yet. A mystery. So Jacob let himself be recorded that whole time and then turns the camera off. What was he doing? Something he didn't want us to see. Yeah. Luckily, I know how we can still listen in. Read this. It's part of the user agreement for the Smart TV that was in the office with Jacob. Kort: "Be aware that any spoken words "may be captured and transmitted to a third party when you utilize Voice Control." So while you're listening to your TV, your TV is listening to you. Only it doesn't record your voice. It reduces it into a data stream which I am in the process of reverse-engineering to recreate the content. Not much point for the CIA to bug people anymore, if they're just going to bug themselves. I've got something. Okay, it looks like Jacob made a phone call, asking someone to borrow their jet. Must be nice. He say where he wants to go? Abby: Tel Aviv. If Jacob is headed to Israel, he must have a lead on Ziva. Boss, we got Jacob's photo at every private airport from here to Ohio. Bishop: Tony and Officer Reeves are monitoring roadside cameras in MTAC. McGee: And Agent Monroe's coordinating with air-traffic control on the Israeli side. Who did Jacob call? If he gets to Ziva before we do... Boss, I checked the cell tower near that massage parlor. (phone ringing) Over a thousand calls were routed through there. It's gonna take forever This is Bishop. to track these down. Uh, Gibbs... it's Emily; she needs to talk to you. She says it's an emergency. Hey. Hey. Your dad okay? Emily: He woke up. Just for a few seconds, but he woke up. Gibbs: That's great. (laughs): Em, that's great. Listen, uh, we're in the middle of something here. I know. That's why I'm calling you. I... think he wanted me to tell you something. About the case. Okay, I'm gonna put you on speaker. Yeah. Go. He wasn't making a lot of sense. Someone named Jessica, I think, got a call from... someone? I don't know who. Then my dad just kept repeating the phrase "giff-gaff" over and over. I have no idea what it means. All right. Stay by the phone. Okay. Jessica. Jessica Terdei. She was with Fornell when he got shot. Sounds like she got a call from someone before she was killed. Maybe some kind of lead. Vance said she still might have connections. What's "giff-gaff"? A cellular company in the UK. Agent DiNozzo's updates. And I see I've arrived just in time. Why is Fornell talking about a UK cell company? There was a huge robbery at one of their warehouses last month. Since then, we've been finding their cell phones all over the black market. Perhaps my old chief got a tip that Jacob was using one. Check that cell tower again. All right, got one. Unregistered. Has to be Jacob. Location? Working on it. He's still in DC. Come on, we got to do better than that. It's coming up. Boss, he's in the Navy Yard. Without being seen? He's MI6. That's what we do. Call security-- lock down the yard! Boss, main elevator. Bishop: He's here? I understand that you've been looking for me? Well, here I am. Bishop: What's his game? Tony: I don't know. But he's pretty relaxed for a wanted fugitive. Let me in there. I'll unrelax him. I got this. I didn't shoot Agent Fornell. And I didn't kill Chief Terdei. Or Agent Dresser? That's right. Okay, then I guess you're free to leave. You need us to validate? I'm being framed, Agent Gibbs. Someone is-- I got a trail of dead bodies! I've got your fingerprints at every crime scene. In my house! What do you want with Ziva David? You have my prints at your house? Ziva David-- why are you looking for her?! Agent Gibbs, I've never been to your house. And I'm looking for Ziva David, because she can help prove I'm innocent. I'm being set up for those murders. Just like I was set up for that espionage charge in 2002. They framed me. They killed my wife. Ziva. I went to an old safe house to get some cash. But I found a note from Nika, my wife, instead. She heard from an embassy contact that the director of the Mossad had private files that prove I'd been framed. Well, that's news to us. He never shared it with the Americans. I don't know why. "He"-- you mean Director David? That's right. Ziva's father. With him dead, I assumed she inherited his private files. That's why I was looking for her. Maybe I would've found her on my own, maybe not. But you never would've found me. I didn't have to turn myself in. Why did you? Because of you. When Ziva David's name came on my radar, I did my homework. That led to you, and I learned all I needed to know pretty quickly. I came to you because I believe you're someone who won't stop until you find the truth. I already know the truth. Truth is I'm innocent. And you're gonna help me prove it. What the hell is going on? Tell me about it. Is this guy Jacob for real? He really claims to have an alibi for the shooting at your house? Yep. Does it check out? Monroe: I got a team on it. But I'm not holding my breath. This guy's a professional liar. So what's his game? Come on, Gibbs. What's that gut of yours say? Monroe: Oh, right, the gut. I've heard about your gut. Gibbs, give me something. You're not gonna like it. He's a fugitive. Please don't tell me that you think he's telling the truth. Monroe: Come on, like you said-- we got this guy's prints at all our crime scenes! Yep, I know that. We got motive, we got opportunity. Gibbs: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I work here, too. Okay. Jacob's telling the truth. Well, so much for not holding your breath. Look, I don't always know the answer, but I can tell when somebody sees something that I don't. I'm willing to ride in the Gibbsmobile for a little while. If Eli David had information that Jacob was framed, why not share it? It wasn't his problem. Yeah, and you never know when that information could come in handy. Blackmail, extortion, horse trading. Yeah, that does have the ring of Eli David to it. Find those files, we see for ourselves. Just like Jacob wants. Do we have any leads? Monroe: I've been in touch with our Israeli liaison about Ziva. Scuttlebutt is Eli had a farmhouse in the country where she might be staying. Files might be there. All right, Gibbs, check it out. Monroe, talk to Agent Kane again, see if anything shakes out. Of course, if Jacob Scott didn't kill those people, we have an entirely different problem. Abby: I can tell you one person that Jacob Scott definitely did not kill. I just finished typing the blood sample that we got from Jacob. He has type AB-negative. Now whoever bled all over Dresser is type O-positive. Jacob is not the killer. You rerun the prints from my house? Yes, Captain. Just like you asked. Four times-- I get the same result every single time. The fingerprint that McGee took from your house is a perfect match to Jacob's. Too perfect. If you look, there's minor imperfections in the print-- that's totally normal. But compare this print to the print from Jacob's file-- they have the exact same minor imperfections. Now, the odds of that are one in "not bloody likely"" as Officer Reeves may say. I think someone used Jacob's file to create a fake print. Is there any way to trace it? No. Our best bet now is the blood DNA from whoever killed Agent Dresser, which is gonna be ready any second now. All right, let me know. No, like... literally... any second now. (computer beeping) See? Let's see who is behind door number... "Who Killed Dresser?" Whoa! Just when I was starting to kind of like him. We got a ping from Kort's cell. Where? At the, uh, zoo. At least as of two hours ago. (sighs) Doing what? Well, probably visiting his family at the reptile house. Problem is he turned his cell phone off. We don't know where he is right now. Whatever he's up to, he's not doing it for the CIA. He lied to us. Heard from a friend at NSA Kort was fired last month. So who's he working for? Good question. Is Kane still in there? With Agent Monroe. I told her to wait. Kane: I don't know what the hell you're talking about! Monroe: We know you do. We're gonna find out... We taking over? No, we'll see what she's got. DiNozzo, you find Kort. Take Bishop with you. Let's go. Monroe (over speaker): Who gave you the 50 grand? Clayton: I'd seriously consider answering the question, mate. Kane: I told you, I won it at the races! (groans) Yeah. Yeah, that's what you keep saying. So this is what I want you to do. Now I want you to tell me that one more time. How you won that money at the races. Can you do that? It's easy, you just open your mouth and say, "I won that money, 50 grand, betting on horses." Can you do that? For me? Please? Then what happens? I can't wait to find out. Same here. Kane: I didn't get that 50 grand betting on horses. Good boy. Thank you. Clayton: Trent Kort gave it to you. Didn't he? No! (grunting) My associate asked you a question. We know you and Kort are buddies. We were finally able to trace that mystery call of yours in 2002. We were? No. Clayton: We know you called Kort. What we don't know is why. Kort's going down. If you don't talk, you're gonna go down with him. You ever been arrested for murder? I heard it's terrifying. I didn't kill anyone. Monroe: This is what it sounds like. You have the right to remain silent-- Okay, okay, stop! I'll talk. No. You're gonna sing. And it better be pretty. (sighs) Kort was the one selling secrets to the Russians, not Jacob. He just used Jacob and his wife to take the fall. Then he had her killed before anyone could look too close. That's a tidy package. Until Jacob busted out of prison and was gonna blow the whole thing. I'm curious. How have you been sleeping at night? I didn't know Kort was gonna kill Jacob's wife. He just paid me to keep him updated on what NCIS was doing! Not bad, boss. That's what the money was for. I hope it was worth it. All right, I'll check in with Tony. See if there's any leads on Kort. You wanted to see me? Take 'em off. (handcuffs clicking) You know, technically, I'm still a wanted fugitive. Then don't go anywhere. Thank you. It's okay, come on. Tony: We got a problem. We found Trent Kort's phone at the zoo, but not Trent Kort. It was a decoy-- he must've known we were on to him. He's running. I can guess where he's going. Israel. Tony: Kort disappeared right after he learned about Ziva. He may know about Eli's files. Kort's probably already been blackmailed with them. Gibbs: McGee, call Interpol. Have them issue a red notice. DiNozzo. Tony: BOLOs and airports. Gibbs: Bishop? Bishop: Freeway cameras and credit cards. Contact the Israeli embassy. See if they know-- Whoa, whoa, whoa, boss. Look at this. Female reporter: No one has claimed responsibility for the explosion at this isolated farmhouse in the Israeli countryside. But with early reports indicating the house previously belonged to former Mossad Director Eli David, authorities are assuming a terrorist attack. Is that...? Reporter: Firefighting teams... .. where Ziva's supposed to be staying.	Plan: A: critical condition; Q: How is Fornell doing? A: Gibbs' house; Q: Where was Fornell ambushed? A: NCIS; Q: Who places all people on Jacob Scott's hit list into protective custody? A: Jacob Scott's hit list; Q: What list of people does NCIS place into protective custody? A: help; Q: What did Tess Monroe provide to Gibbs and his team? A: FBI; Q: What agency did Tess Monroe work for? A: Clayton Reeves; Q: Who is the MI6 agent that helps Gibbs find the missing NCIS agents? A: Trent Kort; Q: Who is the true culprit? A: his name; Q: What does Jacob Scott claim Ziva David can clear? A: a cliffhanger; Q: What type of ending does the episode end in? A: the late former Mossad director; Q: Who was Eli David? A: Eli David; Q: Whose farmhouse was bombed? Summary: Fornell is in critical condition after being ambushed in Gibbs' house. NCIS places all people on Jacob Scott's hit list into protective custody except for two missing people, both of them former NCIS agents. Gibbs and his team manage to find them with help from FBI agent Tess Monroe, MI6 agent Clayton Reeves and a returning Trent Kort. Scott later turns himself in, claiming he is being framed for everything, and that the only person that can clear his name is another former NCIS agent, Ziva David. It turns out that Scott was telling the truth and Kort is the true culprit. The episode ends in a cliffhanger, revealing that the farmhouse belonging to the late former Mossad director, Eli David, was bombed; this was the supposed location of Ziva.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] I'm sorry they left without you. Well, I'm not because if I was with them, I never would have met you. CLARKE: Tell Raven to aim for the one spot of green, and you'll find me. MURPHY: Why exactly are we sitting here in the dark? First we find out who they are and then we ask them for help. - Raven? - Radio sounds. Their comms might be disabled. Or the ship could be unmanned. Doesn't really matter, as long as they get us - down to the ground. - Something's happening. HARPER: A second ship. That must be a transport. It's headed for the ground. CLARKE: I used to think that life was about more than just surviving, but I'm not sure anymore. DIYOZA: All clear! Sweep the village and the woods. Let's find out what we're dealing with here. CLARKE: Animals don't feel guilty when they kill. They just do it; They kill... - [GUNSHOT] - Or they get killed. [GRUNTS] Wait. I think he might be a good guy. There are no good guys. CLARKE: It was us or them, kill or be killed. - What's it mean? - Means we're not alone. CLARKE: Simple as that. [BIRDS CHIRPING] [MAN SCREAMING] MAN: Help! Help me! DIYOZA: This way! MAN: Help! Help! Help! [SCREAMING] Help! [SCREAMING] MADI: Clarke, this isn't right. Madi, I know that this is our home, your home. [DISTANT SCREAMING CONTINUES] And they want to take it from us. That's right. But he doesn't have to suffer. We can kill him now, right? Not yet. [SCREAMING] Help! Oh! Help me! DIYOZA: Hold. [GRUNTING] I said hold. This is not your damn army. I'm not just gonna let a man... [GUNSHOT] MAN: Help! Help! [SCREAMING CONTINUES] Help! DIYOZA: That ridge line, one o'clock. - Yeah. - Light it up. My pleasure. [SCREAMING CONTINUES] [BEEPING] [GUN WHIRRING] [MADI SCREAMS] [HIGH-PITCHED WHINING] [VOICE MUFFLED] Madi. [MUFFLED COUGH] [VOICE DISTORTED] Madi? Madi, are you OK? Get up. Run! Run. MCCREARY: They're on the move. DIYOZA: Get me someone to interrogate. That means alive, McCreary. You copy? I copy. [WHISTLES] On me. DIYOZA: Go to the ship. Get me a stretcher and a med kit, now. A med kit? I didn't know they taught thoracic surgery in SEAL training. Maybe if you didn't make Paxton "Graveyard" McCreary your right hand, we'd still have a doctor... [GUNSHOT] McCreary's still useful, and so are you, for now. Go to war with the army you have, not the army you want. Why does it have to be war at all? Spoken like a man who gave up jets for spaceships. What can I say? I choose speed over death every time. How about life over death, Lieutenant? Do you choose that, too? Without this valley, we die. I'd say that's worth fighting over, wouldn't you? Glad we got that cleared up. RAVEN: Boys and girls, meet Eligius IV. EMORI: "Powering a better tomorrow." Must be a mining ship. - Mining in space? - I've heard stories. MONTY: Missions sent to mine asteroids or search for habitable planets, but that was a hundred years ago. They got back somehow. Means they must have fuel. Well, now there's a ship with a story to tell. It looks like one of the engines was destroyed. RAVEN: At least the hab is still rotating. That rotation means they'll have gravity. Sorry, lovebirds. No zero-g space s*x. There. There's the docking bay. MONTY: I hate to ask this now. What if they're still inside? ECHO: We've been through this. If they were still inside and saw a foreign ship trying to board them, they would shoot us out of the sky. RAVEN: OK. Commencing Operation Uninvited Guests. Firing thrusters in , , . Emori, soon as I line us up with the hab, it's all yours. On my mark. OK, we're in alignment. RAVEN: The nav is yours. It's just like the simulator. EMORI: Copy that. Grounders don't say, "copy that." This one does. Initiating docking sequence. MURPHY: We are so screwed. EMORI: Shut up, John. RAVEN: Why are we losing alignment? I lost stabilization. I don't know. We're coming in too fast! OK, I got it! I got it! Switching back to manual. [ALARM BLARING] OK. Hold on. Hold on! [LOUD THUD] Brace for impact. We're coming in hot! [EXHALES] MURPHY: That was fun. We should do that again sometime. BELLAMY: OK. Let's go find that fuel. On me. Suits off in the cargo hold. [DISTANT ALARM BLARING] BELLAMY: Come on. We got to move fast. ECHO: We don't know what we're walking into. MURPHY: That's just annoying. HARPER: If someone was here, they'd shut it off, right? Hey, not you. You should stay in the pod and run a full diagnostic check. That was a big impact. We don't know if we took on any damage. I can, uh, stay back and help. How, making stupid little jokes? Don't take it out on me because you screwed the pooch in your big debut, OK? Hey, hey... Harper can help Emori. BELLAMY: Everyone else move, now. [ALARM CONTINUES BLARING] BELLAMY: This place is like a maze. "No inmates past this point." Inmates? MONTY: Prison labor. The mining missions were dangerous. They sent people they thought were disposable. Sounds familiar. RAVEN: Relax. Our ancestors were prisoners a hundred years ago. Their descendants on that transport ship are survivors, just like us. The bridge is this way. Come on. RAVEN: Looks like someone forgot their key. Jackpot. BELLAMY: Something bad happened here. - Monty. - Help you access the ship's manifest and schematics so we can find out where they keep their hydrazine? RAVEN: Yes, but first let's kill this alarm. [ALARM STOPS] Thank you. MONTY: Fuel systems. Got it. MURPHY: Oh, captain's chair. RAVEN: The ship doesn't run on hydrazine. They could never store enough for a long-duration mission. BELLAMY: Well, what, then? It looks like... hythylodium. MONTY: Must be what they were mining for, incredibly efficient energy... MURPHY: Spare me the science lesson. Can we use it to land the pod or not? Sure, if you want to explode every cell in your body. Raven. RAVEN: Don't worry. Just because this ship doesn't run on hydrazine doesn't mean they don't have any on board. The dropship. Short-range transport. They'd have to have a supply for refueling. Boom. And the crowd goes wild. So we have a way down? RAVEN: We have a way down. MONTY: That's not all we have. [INDISTINCT VOICES ON RADIO] Lasercom. DIYOZA, ON RADIO: I mean it, McCreary. I'm not losing any more men today. MONTY: Our radios were blocked by residual radiation on the Earth, but lasercom was designed to cut through worse atmospheric conditions than that. Well, can we talk to them? Wait. We don't know who we're dealing with. MAN, ON RADIO: Movement to the northwest. McCreary, do you see it? MCCREARY, ON RADIO: I've got something better than movement. I've got tracks. RAVEN: They're hunting our people. MURPHY: We don't know that. We know there was no one else left on the ground. Whatever this is, Octavia can handle it. RAVEN: Move over. BELLAMY: Wait. What are you doing? Finding out who we're dealing with. We can make it to the north cave. Come on. [GRUNTING] You're hurt. [BREATHING HEAVILY] Here. We have to hide you. Come on. DIYOZA, ON RADIO: All units, be advised. Subject is armed and dangerous. We are in her backyard. She knows the terrain. Keep your eyes open. Right here. You need to get in here. Not without you. There's no time to argue about this, Madi. Get in, now. I'm gonna lead them away. Now I need you to stay out of sight, no matter what. Promise me. I love you. MAN: There! Something's moving! This way! [GRUNTS] MAN, ON RADIO: I see her! Moving in! MCCREARY, ON RADIO: We'll go south and cut her off. MAN: There she is! On the ridge! - MAN, ON RADIO: We're closing in! - [GUNSHOTS] DIYOZA, ON RADIO: McCreary, we heard gunfire. Report. I said report, McCreary. MCCREARY, ON RADIO: Relax, Colonel. I told you we'd get her, and we did. She's a feisty one. Pretty, too. DIYOZA, ON RADIO: Good work. Bring her to me. We got a lot to talk about. We got to get down there, now. We got one. Let me see her face. SHAW: You only caught one? We only saw one. I highly doubt she was alone. How many others in the woods? [GRUNTS] Answer the question. [WHIMPERS] Not yet. First we pray. DIYOZA: Secure the perimeter. Her people will come for her. MAN: Good. - Be ready. - Let's move. Look, she's our only link to what happened here. I'm thinking using McCreary for this is a bad idea. She killed four of our people. Yes, but after we landed in their valley, and we took their village. Colonel, a proximity alarm was triggered near the primary docking point on the mother ship. Probably nothing, but I thought I should... Did you activate kodiak? Not yet, no. I... We have security protocols. Follow them. Good cop, you're with me. - [GRUNTS] - Hey, hey, stop! SHAW: We need her. DIYOZA: Hey! Enough! That's enough. MCCREARY: He is not one of us. We lose four men, and he doesn't even care. He is one of us. None of us is here without Shaw. None of us is here without me, either. You remember that. We all have a role to play, and we're all upset about the loss of our men. Take a team and sweep the woods for her friends. DIYOZA: Let it go. You see this? [SNIFFS] Blood alteration like they had on Eligius III. Two suns, no sunscreen needed. Must be how they survived down here. Bring me a med kit. Over. MAN, ON RADIO: On my way. MCCREARY, ON RADIO: Harris, I'm en route. How's the search of sector six? HARRIS, ON RADIO: Finishing up now. - Find anything? - We got off on the wrong foot, you and I. We had no idea that there was anyone alive down here. How could we have? We were just trying to get back home. Imagine our surprise when we found that there was no home to get back to, and then your people started killing mine. Surely you can understand why I'm upset. [MCCREARY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON RADIO] Just like you were upset when we took your village. I don't blame you. When a fascist government tried to take my home, I wanted blood, too, and I got it. HARRIS, ON RADIO: We're at the lake now, heading due north. Nobody else has to die today. You tell me what I need to know, and we can come up with an arrangement that works for all of us. Sound like a plan? SHAW: Maybe she doesn't speak English. [MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON RADIO] MCCREARY, ON RADIO: What you got? She speaks English. She just wants us to think she doesn't so we'll speak freely and reveal something she can use against us. Every time patrol checks in... she looks at this. She's tracking our movements; that's all she cares about. You don't want to talk, that's fine. Don't talk. But we'll see how you feel when we find whoever it is you're protecting. Change of plans, ladies and gentlemen. No more prisoners. Shoot to kill. MONTY: Go slow, Murphy. This stuff's combustible. MURPHY: No kidding. Just tell me we're going the right way. This place gives me the creeps. MONTY: Yes. We're almost back to the docking bay. ECHO: You're afraid of an empty ship. You should be more worried about what's waiting for us on the ground. I worry about more than one thing at a time. It's called multi-tasking. Well, the old Murphy's back. I, for one, miss your stupid little jokes. - Thank you, Echo. - Please, don't encourage him. He just misses his algae farm. What's that supposed to mean? It's pretty clear you'd rather we stay on the ring. You mean where we were safe, well-fed, plenty of water, friends, people we love? Why would anyone want to stay there? Come on, man, we were stuck in a metal tube for , days. - But who's counting? - That's right. And while the rest of us were working every one of those days to make life better, to learn things, you sat on your ass and did nothing, pushing Emori away because she deigned to find a skill that made her more useful than you. Tell me how you really feel, Monty. I thought I just did. You're just mad because I'm excited to go back down to the ground instead of hiding from the real world. - Guys? - You don't like being called useless, do you, Murphy? - Guys? - I don't know. Do you like being called a coward? - Useless. - Coward. Guys... you need to see this. MONTY: I don't believe it. Cryosleep. Cryo. What does it mean? MURPHY: Means the prisoners are still here. MONTY: They're all full. There's hundreds of them. MURPHY: Monty. Monty. MURPHY: We already got the fuel, man. Let's just load it up and get the hell out of here. ECHO: Murphy's right. Let's go. All systems check out. - [SIGHS] - Heh! No thanks to me. It was your first time at the controls. Stop beating yourself up over it. I kicked John out because he never did anything to help us get home, but when it really mattered, I'm the one who almost got us all killed. Maybe he deserves a second chance, too. MURPHY: It's time to go. MONTY: Harper, I need the siphon. ECHO: Monty, can you handle the fueling? I need to go warn Bellamy and Raven. Warn them about what? MONTY: I'll explain. Go. You were talking about me, weren't you? Don't flatter yourself, John. What's going on? Murder, murder, murder, arson resulting in murder, armed robbery resulting in murder. inmates, guards, and crew. RAVEN: Relax. Great-great-grandpappy Blake was an astronaut with how many Ph.D.s? [SCENE_BREAK] And how many do you have? Oh, wait. Shut up. I got it. The captain's log. The last entry was over a hundred years ago. Play that one. Aye, aye, Captain. I have to make this fast. The ship has been compromised. The prisoners found out about order eleven. They used an explosion in the starboard engine bay as a distract... Most of the crew is already dead. They're about to take the bridge. Listen to me! With the engine damage, it'll be decades, maybe longer, before they make it back home. I tried disabling cryo, but couldn't. DIYOZA: That's quite enough, Captain. If Eligius makes it back to Earth, blow it out of the sky! Diyoza can't be allowed to weaponize the cargo! Do you hear me?! I said blow it... DIYOZA: The bridge is yours, Lieutenant. SHAW: You said you wouldn't kill the crew. I said I wouldn't. You did the right thing. I won't forget it. DIYOZA: Now do your job and get us the hell out of here, Lieutenant. [OVERLAPPING CHATTER] Cryo? He said he was trying to deactivate the cryo... Bellamy, look out! - ECHO: Hey! Let her go! - [GRUNTS] [ALL PANTING] RAVEN: One down... to go. Not too long ago, I'd have thought this was magic. RAVEN: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Arthur C. Clarke. BELLAMY: How long can they live like this? Technically? Forever. MURPHY: Or we can kill them all right now. What happened to you? ECHO: One of them woke up. Question is how? No, the question is what the hell are we waiting for? I'm serious, OK. We're all gassed up. Let's pull the plug on this sleeping army and go home. That's not an option. Kill theirs, they kill ours. Raven? The pods are all jacked into the mainframe. I'm guessing they activated this one remotely from the ground, probably in response to us tripping their alarm. ECHO: When he doesn't check in, they'll wake more of them. I'd say that's a good bet. MURPHY: Ergo, my "get the hell out of here" plan. ECHO: Bellamy, you know what happens when these guys get to the ground. Murphy's not wrong. This is an army. ECHO: I know how you feel, but it took three of us to take out one of them. Giving them reinforcements when we can stop it is a strategic mistake. We've been off the ring for less than a day, and we're already talking about murdering hundreds of people. MURPHY: This is not murder. It's survival. They die now or we die later. If Clarke was here, this wouldn't even be... - Clarke's not here! - Exactly. She died so we could live, Bellamy. This is how we do that. RAVEN: Maybe not. We can leave them here like this, but block the signal from the ground so they can't wake them up. MURPHY: They have a shuttle. They can just come back up and do it themselves. Can you rig it so we can kill them remotely? It's tricky... but possible. Why? Leverage... "put down your weapons or we pull the plug." How long do you need to make that possible? I don't know, but I'm on it. BELLAMY: Wait. Murphy. I want to know what you think. I think it's a risk. You're right. It is. But Clarke didn't die for us to live just so we can go back to the ground and make the same mistakes. What the hell? Let's be good guys. [INDISTINCT VOICES ON RADIO] [SCENE_BREAK] Come on. What harm can come from telling me your name? Well, believe it or not, this is the best conversation I've had in over a hundred years. I was an altar boy in a church just like this. Saginaw, about two hours outside Detroit. On my Harley, I'd make it in one. God, I miss that bike... More than I miss most of the people. MCCREARY, ON RADIO: Someone just ran out of that cave. Harris, watch your six. MAN, ON RADIO: Copy that. Tight intercept. Fast little thing. We can cut her off at the lake. Go west. Changing direction now. Wait, scratch that. She's turning north. I got a shot. No. She's just a child. DIYOZA: She speaks. - CLARKE: Please. - Waiting for orders. How many others are in the woods? None. It's just the two of us. I am begging you. Tell him not to shoot. - Fire at will. - Copy. MCCREARY: She went behind those twin rocks! Falk! Take her on the other side! I know where they are. That's our summer hunting grounds. She's leading them into a trap. FALK, ON RADIO: I see her. Going in. Cover me. Listen to me. If they don't stop right now, those men will die. FALK, ON RADIO: I see her. I'm going in. - I believe her. - It's the truth. If you let her go, I'll tell you everything. All units... Stand down. Over. MCCREARY, ON RADIO: If we stand down, she'll get away. I'm taking the shot. DIYOZA: Falk, if McCreary disobeys, shoot him in the leg. Harris, if Falk disobeys, shoot him in the head. MCCREARY, ON RADIO: Standing down. DIYOZA: Good choice. There may be traps near your position. Check it out and report back. Over. MCCREARY, ON RADIO: Son of a bitch. Another bear trap. Almost stepped right in it. Report to base camp. Over and out. Thank you. DIYOZA: Thank you for telling the truth. As long as you keep doing that, your friend in the woods will stay alive, and so will you. Do we understand each other? Yes. Good. Then let's begin. Start with how the world ended. Which time? Raven. Someone has to stay up here. What? With remote access to the cryo-pods blocked, we won't be able to operate them, either. Pulling the plug from the ground is not an option. Someone has to stay. No. No. No way. OK, we make the threat from up here on the lasercom. We won't know if they're following through. Look, I've played out every angle. This only works if we have eyes on the ground. Fine. Show me how to do it. I... I can't. There are nine security measures to be bypassed, and teaching you would take days, and knowing you, you'd probably still screw it up. It has to be me. I am not leaving you here. I'll be fine. Emori can get you down. That's what I trained her for. You need to go and find your sister, and make a deal for peace with the prisoners. Once everyone's friends, they'll come back up for their people, and I'll hitch a ride down with them. What if the threat doesn't work? You'll be stuck up here, Raven. You'll have to kill people. Have you thought about that? No, no, we'll come up with something else. I left Clarke behind to die, and I... I'm not doing that again. There's an escape pod, you idiot. For the captain and first mate. When this is all over, if you fail, I can go down in that. Hey. Six years ago, I promised myself I would find a way to get us back down. Bellamy, this is it. Please... let me get you all home. BELLAMY: All right. Let's do this. Where the hell is she? It's technical, but, um, someone has to run things from here. So let it be John. BELLAMY: I said it's technical. I'll do it. Monty, I... Enough. It has to be Raven. Once we have a truce, she'll come down with the prisoners. If we fail, she'll take the ship's escape pod. Either way, she will be fine. EMORI: If I'm flying solo, she'll be the only one. You got this. Let's load up. Let's go. Now, Murphy. I'm staying, too. Look, Raven might need backup. What? With Emori flying, this is the survivor's move. [SCOFFS] See you on the other side. MURPHY: You know, it's not a bad view. Murphy, what the hell are you doing here? Keeping you company. You're welcome, by the way. Why was everyone so surprised? I mean, if there wasn't an escape pod, I could understand... There isn't an escape pod. What? I only told Bellamy that because I knew he would never leave me behind without a way down. [CHUCKLES] You know what? You're right. Dying alone would have sucked. Yeah. Thanks. [SIGHS] Son of a bitch. COMPUTER VOICE: , meters. OK. COMPUTER VOICE: , meters. OK. COMPUTER VOICE: , meters. Just breathe. COMPUTER VOICE: , meters. EMORI: Firing the cold gas thrusters to initiate roll maneuver. COMPUTER VOICE: , meters. EMORI: Computer... light boostback engines. COMPUTER VOICE: Boostback engines fired in , , . - , meters. - Deploy landing legs. COMPUTER VOICE: Landing legs deployed. Grid fins activated. Here we go! COMPUTER VOICE: meters. [THUD] Vertical landing successful. [PANTING] You did it. - Emori. - [PANTING] Emori. We didn't die. No. No, we didn't. [CHUCKLING] ECHO: We'll celebrate once Murphy and Raven are back down, too. There's no telling how many people saw us. We need to take cover in the trees before they get here. Yeah. OK. HARPER: It's so quiet. OK, so how do we find them? We don't. They'll find us. BELLAMY: They already have. MAN: Everybody, on your knees! BELLAMY: It's OK, it's OK. We don't want to fight... - Now! - No, wait! We just want to talk. On the Ark, they taught us that the war started as a Chinese first strike, but they were wrong. It was started by an A.I. called A.L.I.E. Her intention was to reduce the popu... MAN, ON RADIO: Colonel, we have five more hostiles. At least one is armed. Are we still playing nice? Stand by. Find out where they are and reinforce their position. You heard her. Grab the gear. Not you, McCreary. What did I tell you would happen if you lied to me? I didn't lie. I don't know... [GRUNTS] Take her outside. Use the collar. I thought you'd never ask. SHAW: Colonel... She's cooperating. Which is why she'll live. Her friends, on the other hand... DIYOZA, ON RADIO: Four of ours are dead. It's time to even the score. Congratulations. One of you gets to live. She's just a kid. Bellamy? Clarke knew you would come. Clarke's alive? She's in trouble. We have to go. What about the others in the bunker? Still there. What? No, no. How can that be? I'll explain on the way. [CLARKE GRUNTING] [GROANS] I wouldn't do that if I was you. You might burn your fingers. [SIZZLING] [GROANING] Yeah. [PANTING] [CLARKE GROANING] CLARKE: Please. I wasn't lying. DIYOZA: Hit her again. [COLLAR SIZZLING, CLARKE GROANING] [SIZZLING STOPS] [CLARKE WHIMPERS] CLARKE: I don't know who that was. I guess you made your point. You might be right. But just in case, hit her again. [SIZZLING, CLARKE GROANING] DIYOZA: Hold, and fire on my command. [SIZZLING STOPS] CLARKE: Madi. No. BELLAMY: Madi, no. Take the Rover back. That's the plan. I won't let anything happen to Clarke. I promise. DIYOZA: Come out with your hands high. BELLAMY: Unarmed. Just want to talk. DIYOZA: Talk. Give me one good reason not to kill you where you stand. How about I give you ? That's how many of your people are gonna die if you and I can't make a deal. That's far enough. lives for one. She must be pretty important to you. She is.	Plan: A: Clarke and Madi hide; Q: What do Clarke and Madi do when McCreary is sent to find them? A: Madi; Q: Who kills the Eligius men? A: the Eligius crew; Q: Who did Clarke and Madi hide from? A: McCreary; Q: Who captures Clarke and brings her to Diyoza? A: the Eligius IV ship; Q: What ship do Raven and the others board to find a way to Earth? A: space; Q: Where did Raven and the others board the Eligius IV ship? A: Monty; Q: Which character argues with Murphy about returning to Earth? A: Murphy; Q: Who stays behind with Raven? A: One prisoner; Q: How many prisoners are remotely woken up by the prisoners on the ground and attacks Bellamy? A: the ground; Q: Where do Bellamy, Echo, Monty, Harper and Emori make their way back to? A: Bellamy; Q: Who tells Diyoza that 283 frozen people will be killed if they do not release Clarke? A: the frozen prisoners; Q: What does Raven stay behind to leverage against Diyoza? A: Bellamy objects; Q: What does Bellamy think about Raven staying behind? A: an escape pod; Q: What does Raven tell Bellamy she can use to go to Earth? A: Bellamy, Echo; Q: Who finds the lab of cryogenically frozen prisoners? A: a shock collar; Q: What does McCreary use on Clarke? Summary: Clarke and Madi hide from the Eligius crew, while Diyoza sends McCreary to find them and interrogate them. He captures Clarke and brings her to Diyoza. To make Clarke talk, she orders Madi shot on sight. Clarke promises to tell her everything. Raven and the others board the Eligius IV ship in space and find a way to Earth. Monty and Murphy argue over returning to Earth, when Echo finds a lab of cryogenically frozen prisoners. One prisoner is remotely woken up by the prisoners on the ground and attacks Bellamy, who kills him. In order to leverage the frozen prisoners against Diyoza, Raven stays behind. Bellamy objects until Raven tells him of an escape pod that she can use to go to Earth. Bellamy, Echo, Monty, Harper and Emori safely make their way back to the ground. Murphy stays behind with Raven and learns that there is no escape pod and they are trapped. The Eligius men find Bellamy and the others. Shortly after, Madi kills the Eligius men and guides them to Clarke. McCreary uses a shock collar on Clarke. Bellamy arrives, telling Diyoza that 283 frozen people will be killed if they do not release Clarke.
Originally written by ???. Transcribed by Josh Hodge. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone except Ross is there watching Days of Our Lives.] AMBER: Oh Drake. DR. REMORE: I'm sorry Amber. It's just like Brad to have to have the last word. [Ross enters] ROSS: I'm sorry I'm late, what happened? MONICA: We, we just wanna see the end. AMBER: I want you Drake. DR. REMORE: I know you do but you and I can never be together that way. AMBER: What? DR. REMORE: There's something I never told you Amber. I'm actually your half- brother. [Everyone gasps. The show ends.] RACHEL: So what happens next? JOEY: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed. CHANDLER: God that is good TV. OPENING TITLES [Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.] CHANDLER: Phoebs, play with meeee. PHOEBE: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights violation. CHANDLER: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time. PHOEBE: Why don't you play with your roommate? CHANDLER: Ah he's a, he's not a big fan of foosball. PHOEBE: Uh oh, ooh, are we not getting along with the new boy? CHANDLER: No he's, he's alright, just uh, he spends most of his time in his room. PHOEBE: Maybe that's because you haven't taken the time to get to know him. Let's remedy that, shall we? CHANDLER: We don't need to remedy that. PHOEBE: Oh yeah, it'll be fun. [throws a tennis ball at Eddie's bedroom door] EDDIE: What was that? PHOEBE: Hi, um, I just thought that it would be fun if the three of us had some beers and got to know each other. EDDIE: Yeah alright, that sounds alright. PHOEBE: Oh good, ok. Oh nooo, I have to go because I'm late for my um, Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Um tonight it's why he would not eat them on a train. Have fun bye. CHANDLER: That was so lame. PHOEBE: I know, yeah. Ok, talk to him. [leaves] CHANDLER: So, you uh, you think that Speed Racer guy gets a lot of tickets er? [Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler and Eddie are talking.] EDDIE: That's good, that's good. So, so, so who broke up with who? CHANDLER: What're you kidding? I broke up with her. She actually thought that Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia. EDDIE: That's good man, when everybody knows that the uh, the capital of Cambodia is uh... CHANDLER: Well it's not Sean Penn. EDDIE: Not Sean Penn. Alright, I, I've got a funny one, alright. My last girlfriend Tilly. Ok, we're eating breakfast, right, and I made all these pancakes, there was like 50 pancakes right. And all of the sudden she turns to me, alright, and she says, 'Eddie.' I say, 'yeah,' she says, 'Eddie, I don't want to see you anymore.' And it was literally like she had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, and smeared it all over my life, ya know. And now there's like this incredible abyss, ya know, and I'm falling and I keep falling and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop. [finishes laughing] That uh, wasn't such a funny story, was it? [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is singing. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are listening.] PHOEBE: And a crusty old man said I'll do what I can and the rest of the rats played moroccas. That's it, thanks, good night. RICHARD: Phoebe's got another job, right? RACHEL: Great set tonight Phoebs. PHOEBE: I know. ROSS: Well, we should probably get going. RICHARD: Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in the moring. MONICA: Ya know, I was thinking. Ya know how we always stay at your apartment? Well, I thought maybe tonight we'd stay at my place. RICHARD: I don't know, I don't have my jammies. MONICA: Well, maybe you don't need them. ROSS: My baby sister, ladies and gentlemen. MONICA: Shut up, I'm happy. PHOEBE: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best. RICHARD: Oh, thank you Phoebs. That's very sweet. PHOEBE: Ok. RICHARD: Hear that? She likes me best, and apparently there've been a lot. MONICA: Not a lot, Phoebe's kidding, Phoebe's crazy. RACHEL: Phoebe's dead. [Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is there. There's a knock at the door. He answers it to see a young woman holding a fishtank.] TILLY: Hi. CHANDLER: Hi. TILLY: I'm looking for Eddie Minowick. CHANDLER: Oh, uh, he's not here right now, uh, I'm Chandler, can I take a message, or, or a fishtank? TILLY: Thanks. CHANDLER: Oh, oh, c'mon in. TILLY: I'm Tilly. CHANDLER: Oh. TILLY: I gather by that oh that he told you about me. CHANDLER: Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very soul. TILLY: He's kind of intense huh? CHANDLER: Yes. Hey, can I ask you, is Eddie a little... EDDIE: [walks around corner] A little what? CHANDLER: Bit country? C'mon in here you roomie. EDDIE: Hello Tilly. TILLY: Eddie, I just came by to drop off your tank. EDDIE: That's very thoughtful of you. It's very thougtful. TILLY: Well, ok then. I'm gonna go. Bye. EDDIE: Bye-bye. CHANDLER: Bye. [Tilly leaves] CHANDLER: So, we gettin' a fish? EDDIE: You had sx with her didn't you? [Scene: Central Perk. Joey enters with several magazines and runs up to Phoebe.] JOEY: Phoebs, check it out, check it out, check it out, check it out. PHOEBE: Oh, ooh, Soap Opera Digest, oh that's one of my favorite digests. JOEY: Page 42, page 42, page 42. PHOEBE: Ok, ok, ok. Ooh, hey 'new doc on the block, Days of Our Lives' Joey Tribbiani.' Ooh, cool picture. JOEY: Ooh, I look good. PHOEBE: Hey is this true, that you write a lot of your own lines? JOEY: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident? Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not gonna live.' PHOEBE: Ohh, ok, I see what you did there. Aren't you afraid though, that the writers are gonna be kinda mad when they read this? JOEY: Huh? Never really thought about the writers. The scripts just kinda come to my house. But you know what? This makes me look good, which makes the show look good, which makes the writers look good so how could they be mad about that? [Scene: At a writer's desk. The writer is working on a script for Days of Our Lives.] WRITER: Makes up most of his lines. Son-of-a-. Yeah, well, write this jerkweed. [Scene: Joey's apartment. The next script is being delivered.] JOEY: I fall down an elevator shaft? What the hell does this mean, I fall down an elevator shaft? DELIVERY GUY: Uhh, I don't know, I just bring the scripts. JOEY: They can't kill me, I'm Francesca's long lost son. DELIVERY GUY: Right. Could you sign this? JOEY: No. No way, I'm not signing that. DELIVERY GUY: I don't think that's gonna affect the plot of the show. JOEY: How can they do this to me? DELIVERY GUY: Er, uh, I'm just gonna go. Sorry. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are returning.] MONICA: Well it wasn't that many guys. I mean, if you consider how many guys there actually are, it's a very small percentage. RACHEL: Hey, it's not that big a deal, I was just curious. ROSS: G'night. RICHARD: Night Richard. Good luck Mon. MONICA: Alright, before I tell you, uh, why don't you tell me how many women you've been with. RICHARD: Two. MONICA: Two? TWO? How is that possible? I mean, have you seen you? RICHARD: Well, I mean what can I say? I, I was married to Barbara for 30 years. She was my high school sweetheart, now you, that's two. MONICA: Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush my teeth. [goes in the bathroom] RICHARD: Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. C'mon it's your turn. Oh c'mon. Ya know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark. MONICA: Ok, it is definitely less than a ballpark. [Rachel's bedroom] RACHEL: Wow, I am so glad I'm not Monica right now. ROSS: Tell me about it. So what, what's your magic number? RACHEL: Uhhhooo. ROSS: C'mon, you know everyone I've been with. All, both of them. RACHEL: Well, there's you. ROSS: Better not be doin' these in order. RACHEL: Ok, uh, Billy Dreskin, Pete Carney, Barry, and uh, oh, Paolo. ROSS: Oh yes, the weenie from Torrini. RACHEL: Oh honey, are you jealous of Paolo? Oh, c'mon, I'm so much happier with you than I ever was with him. ROSS: Really? RACHEL: Oh please. That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it really was was just, ya know, meaningless animal sx. Ok, ya know, that sounded soooo much better in my head. [Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.] CHANDLER: Eddie, I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend. EDDIE: That's very interesting, ya know, 'cause that's exactly what someone who slept with her would say. CHANDLER: This is nuts. This is crazy. She came over for like two minutes, dropped off a fish tank, and left, end of story. EDDIE: Where's Buddy? CHANDLER: Buddy? EDDIE: My fish, Buddy. CHANDLER: There was no fish when she dropped it off. EDDIE: Oh, this is, this is unbelievable. I mean, first you sleep with my ex-girlfriend then you insult my inteligenct by lying about it and then you kill my fish, my Buddy? CHANDLER: Hey I didn't kill your fish. Look Eddie...[puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder] Would you look at what I'm doin' here. That can't be smart. So we're just gonna take this guy right off ya and put him here in Mr. Pocket. Tangellon? [picks up the fruit an tosses it to Eddie, it hits Eddie in the chest and falls] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are in Monica's bedroom.] RICHARD: That's it? That's the giant number you were afraid to tell me? MONICA: Well yeah. RICHARD: Well, that's not bad at all. I mean, you had me thinkin it was like a fleet. MONICA: You really ok with it? RICHARD: Oh honey, I'm fine. MONICA: Oh, yay. Ok about that two. RICHARD: What? Alright, what about my two? MONICA: Well, it just seems like a really small number. RICHARD: Right, and... MONICA: And, well, don't you have a lot of wild oats to sew? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh my God, am I an oat? RICHARD: Honey, you are not an oat. I, I mean I don't know, I, I guess I'm just not an oat guy. I've only slept with women I've been in love with. MONICA: But you've only slept with two people. RICHARD: Right. MONICA: Wow. Oh wow. You know I love you too, right. RICHARD: Now I do. [they kiss and fall to the bed] [Ross and Rachel are in Rachel's bedroom] RACHEL: Ross, Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh. ROSS: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea, why don't you invite Paulo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes. RACHEL: God, Ross, look, what you and I have is special, all Paolo and I ever had was... ROSS: Animal sx, animal sx? So what're you saying, I mean, you're saying that like, there's nothing between us animal at all. I mean there's not even like, uhm, a little animal, not even, not even like, like chipmunk sx? RACHEL: Ok, Ross, try to hear me. Ok, I, hey, I'm not gonna lie to you. Ok, it was good with Paolo. ROSS: Knock-knock. RACHEL: But, what you and I have is so much better. Ok, we have tenderness, we have intimacy, we connect. Ya know, I swear, this is the best I have ever had. ROSS: Until now. [jumps on Rachel on the bed] [later in the bathroom Monica is looking in the drawer, Rachel runs up] RACHEL: Oh, hi. MONICA: Hi. Richard just told me he loves me. RACHEL: Oh my God, honey that's great. MONICA: I know. I just can't find... RACHEL: Oh they're in the top drawer. Hurry. MONICA: You need one too? RACHEL: Ooooh yeah. [they pull out the box of condoms but there's only one left] MONICA: There's only one. RICHARD: Monica. MONICA: Hi. Uh, we'll be right there, we're just trying to decide something. [shuts the bathroom door] ROSS: [comes out of the bedroom] Rachel. [growls then sees Richard standing there] Hey. RICHARD: Hey. They're just trying to decide somehting. ROSS: Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your moustache, did, used to be different? RICHARD: No. ROSS: Oh. How do you uh, ya know, keep it so neat? RICHARD: I have a little comb. ROSS: Oh. And what do you call that? RICHARD: A moustache comb. RACHEL: Ok, I, I will do your laundry for one month. MONICA: No. RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, I will, I will, I, hey, I will clean the apartment for two months. MONICA: Alright, I tell you what, I'll give this to you now if you can tell me where we keep the dustpan. RACHEL: Agghhh. ROSS: So were you in Nam? RACHEL: Rock-paper-scissors? MONICA: Yeah. RACHEL and MONICA: One two three. [Rachel picks rock, Monica picks scissors] RACHEL: Yeesss. MONICA: Fine, go have sx. RICHARD: No. You have got it completely wrong. John Savage was deerhunter, no legs, John Voit was coming home, couldn't feel his legs. ROSS: No, no way. You've got it totally the other way around my friend. John Voit was... RACHEL: Honey. ROSS: What, what oh....[Ross and Rachel go into her room] RICHARD: Shall we? MONICA: It's not gonna happen. They're doing it tonight, we can do it tomorrow. RICHARD: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand... [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. All but Joey are present.] CHANDLER: So, when I woke up this morning, he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes. MONICA: Why? CHANDLER: Because he thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend and killed his fish. PHOEBE: Why would you kill his fish? CHANDLER: Because sometimes, Phoebe after you sleep with someone, you have to kill the fish. RACHEL: Chandler honey, I'm sorry. Ok, can we watch Joey's show now please? [they turn on the TV] ROSS: Yeah. MONICA: Wait, he's not here yet. RACHEL: So, he's on the show, he knows what happens. ROSS: Yeah. MONICA: Alright. CHANDLER: Oh, I'm fine about my problem now, by the way. RACHEL: Oh good. DR. REMORE: Amber, I want you to know that I'll always be there for you, as a friend and as your brother. AMBER: Oh Drake. DR HORTON: Hard day huh? First the medical award, this. DR. REMORE: Some guys are just lucky I guess. INTERCOM: Dr. Remore, report to first floor emergency, stat. DR. REMORE: Well then, uh, I uhh, guess that's me. Anyone else need to go on the elevator? Dr. Horton, Dr. Wong? DR. HORTON: No, no, they only said you. DR. REMORE: Oh, ok. Alright. AMGER: I love you Drake. DR. REMORE: Yeah, whatever. Oh no. AMBER: Drake, look out. DR. REMORE: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. MONICA: Did they just kill off Joey? ROSS: No. [sound of Dr. Remore's body hitting the bottom of the shaft] Now maybe. [Scene: Joey's apartment. Everyone is outside knocking.] ROSS: C'mon. RACHEL: Joey. ROSS: Open up. We want to talk to you. JOEY: I don't feel like talkin. RACHEL: Oh c'mon Joey, we care about you. CHANDLER: We're worried about you. MONICA: And some of us really have to pee. [Joey opens the door] MONICA: Sorry Joey [runs to the bathroom] JOEY: Hey. PHOEBE: Listen, sorry about your death, that really sucks. CHANDLER: We came over as soon as we saw. ROSS: How could you not tell us? JOEY: I don't know, I was kinda hopin' no one would ever find out. RACHEL: Well, maybe they can find a way to bring you back. JOEY: Naa, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin. PHOEBE: But Joey, you're gonna be fine. You don't need that show, it was just a dumb soap opera. JOEY: Phoebe, this was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. PHOEBE: Yes, I was going to incorporate that. Oh good, here's Monica, she'll have something nice to say. MONICA: Um, I straightened out your shower curtain so you won't get mildew. What? To me that's nice. CHANDLER: It's gonna be ok. You know that? JOEY: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life. CHANDLER: I'm sorry man. RACHEL: Yeah, Joey honey, I don't know if this'll mean anything to you but you'll always be pre-approved with us. JOEY: No, that means nothin to me. [Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.Chandler walks in to see Eddie holding a tray of cookies.] CHANDLER: Uhhhaahh. EDDIE: Pecan sandy, just made em. CHANDLER: Yeah alright. What're these, raisins? EDDIE: Uh, sure, why not. CHANDLER: [throws it across the room while Eddie's not looking] Listen Eddie, um, I've been thinking about our current living situation and uh, why are you smiling? EDDIE: I got a little surprise, look. There's a new fishie. I named him uh, Chandler, you know, after, after you. CHANDLER: [looks in the fish bowl to see a fish cracker] Well that's not an, even a real fish. No, that's a goldfish cracker. EDDIE: What's you point man? CHANDLER: Ok, good night. [walks towards his room] You big freak of nature. CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment.] [Ross comes out of Rachel's bedroom in her bathrobe and heads for the bathroom. On his way back, Richard comes out of Monica's bedroom in her bathrobe.] ROSS: Hey. RICHARD: Hey. ROSS: Hey. RICHARD: Ohh, brisk tonight. ROSS: Oh man. RICHARD: Let's never speak of this. ROSS: You got it.	Plan: A: Soap Opera Digest; Q: Joey's good fortune comes crashing down when he claims in an interview for what magazine that he writes all his own lines on the show? A: the script writer; Q: Who killed off Joey's character? A: Phoebe's attempt; Q: What character's attempt to help Chandler bond with his new roommate ends up revealing Eddy's quirky behavior? A: Sexual history; Q: What dominates a discussion between Monica and Richard? A: a discussion; Q: What does sexual history dominate between Monica and Richard and Ross and Rachel? A: between two; Q: How many couples does sexual history dominate a discussion? Summary: Joey's good fortune comes crashing down when he foolishly claims in an interview for Soap Opera Digest that he writes all his own lines on the show, angering the script writer who kills off Joey's character. Phoebe's attempt to help Chandler bond with his new roommate ends up revealing Eddy's quirky behavior. Sexual history dominates a discussion between two couples-Monica and Richard, and Ross and Rachel.
"THE INVASION" BY DERRICK SHERWIN FROM A STORY BY KIT PEDLER First broadcast - 21st December 1968 Running time - 23 minutes 52 seconds [SCENE_BREAK] 1. INT. VAUGHN'S OFFICE. DAY (VAUGHN stands before the compartment containing the CYBER-PLANNER. With the destruction of the first invasion fleet, the CYBER-PLANNER has just broken the agreement with VAUGHN.) CYBER-PLANNER: We no longer need you. The Cyber-megatron bomb will be delivered. We must destroy life on earth completely, every living being. DOCTOR: (To VAUGHN.) Is this what you wanted, Vaughn? To be the ruler of a dead world? [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INT. UNIT AEROPLANE (Corporal BENTON and ISOBEL are listening to the exchange between the DOCTOR, VAUGHN, and the CYBER-PLANNER at the R/T console. It continues:) VAUGHN: (OOV.) You can't do that. You can't destroy the world. What about me? CYBER-PLANNER: (OOV.) You are of no further use to us. The Cyber-invasion must succeed. The bomb will be delivered. (BENTON picks up a microphone and opens transmission on a new channel, ISOBEL looking very concerned.) BENTON: UNIT control calling the Brigadier. UNIT control calling the Brigadier. Over. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. INT. HENLOW DOWNS. DAY (The crew of the defence base and the UNIT soldiers are in celebrations following the successful destruction of the Cyberman fleet, thanks to ZOE's programming finesse. The BRIGADIER and Major BRANWELL are the first to congratulate her:) BRANWELL: Every single one of them, knocked right out of the sky. BRIGADIER: Exactly as you predicted, a chain reaction of explosions. BRANWELL: It's fantastic, how do you do it. ZOE: Well, it's all quite logical really, hardly any calculation needed at all. Except the simple stuff like speed, angle of descent, and relative positions of the spaceships. PETERS: Can't we keep her on, sir? She's much prettier than a computer! (The voice of BENTON is overheard, coming from the radio in the midst of the general hubbub.) BENTON: (OOV.) UNIT control calling the Brigadier. BRIGADIER: (Crossing to the radio.) Quiet everyone! BENTON: (OOV.) UNIT control calling the Brigadier. Over. BRIGADIER: Yes Sergeant, what's the flap? BENTON: (OOV.) Corporal Benton here, sir. BRIGADIER: Benton? Well what's happened to Sergeant Walters? BENTON: (OOV.) He's taken over the Geneva link, sir. BRIGADIER: Oh, I see. Well, what's the flap? BENTON: (OOV.) It's news from the Doctor, sir. Just come through on his open channel. They're going to drop some sort of bomb. (Major BRANWELL and the BRIGADIER quietly echo the word "bomb".) BRIGADIER: Bomb? You mean the Cyberman are? BENTON: (OOV.) Yes, sir. Something called a Cyber-megatron bomb. They're going to wipe us all out, sir. BRIGADIER: Right Benton, standby - we're on our way back. Out. (The BRIGADIER turns the radio off and swings into military action.) BRIGADIER: We're moving out. (To BRANWELL.) Keep in touch, Major. We'll keep all radio communication on an open network so that you'll know what's going on. BRANWELL: Right sir. BRIGADIER: And keep your eyes peeled in case they send any more stuff in. And try to get a fix on that bomb. BRANWELL: If we do sir, we'll try to touch it off on it's approach orbit. BRIGADIER: Right. Let's go! (The UNIT soldiers and ZOE depart.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. INT. VAUGHN'S OFFICE. DAY (VAUGHN is continuing to argue with the CYBER-PLANNER whilst the DOCTOR watches.) VAUGHN: But if you do, you'll destroy everything here. Even your own Cybermen! CYBER-PLANNER: The sacrifice will be small. VAUGHN: You can't do this! I won't let you! CYBER-PLANNER: You cannot stop us. No-one can. (The DOCTOR runs up to VAUGHN's side.) DOCTOR: Now you're beginning to understand the Cybermen, Vaughn. You can't make bargains with them! VAUGHN: I won't let them take over, I won't! (VAUGHN races to his desk and picks up the Cerebraton Mentor.) VAUGHN: You think you're indestructible. WELL, I CAN DESTROY ALL OF YOU! (VAUGHN switches the Mentor on and points it toward the CYBER-PLANNER. After a moment the CYBER-PLANNER begins to combust, and it's parts swivel and gyrate out of control.) CYBER-PLANNER: Opposition is useless. The Cybermen will... DOCTOR: Vaughn! Switch it off, you'll blow us all sky high! VAUGHN: I'LL DESTROY THEM ALL, ALL! (Suddenly the CYBER-PLANNER explodes in a brilliant white flash, knocking the DOCTOR and VAUGHN to the floor. The room is filled with a thick acrid smoke which reduces the DOCTOR and VAUGHN to a coughing fit. Finally they stagger to their feet and see the ruined CYBER-PLANNER which has blown apart in disarray.) VAUGHN: It's dead. I killed it. I destroyed it. DOCTOR: That won't stop them. They're still out there in space preparing to destroy the world. VAUGHN: (Looking at the wreck of the CYBER-PLANNER.) Five years, and in less than five seconds!... DOCTOR: Vaughn, listen to me. The Cybermen will deliver their bomb on the same radio beam they used for their invasion. You've got to turn it off, man, you've got to turn it off! VAUGHN: (Still unable to come to terms.) What? DOCTOR: We're both on the same side now, both fighting for our lives. You've got to turn the radio beam off! VAUGHN: (Confused.) The radio? DOCTOR: Yes! That's how they'll deliver their bomb! VAUGHN: (The penny drops.) The radio beam! Yes, yes, Packer must... (VAUGHN crosses to his desk and, like the Tobias Vaughn of old, shouts through the intercom:) VAUGHN: Packer! Packer! Where are you? (There is no answer from the intercom. VAUGHN and the DOCTOR look at the empty monitor, which suddenly fills with the face mask of a Cyberman. In panic PACKER bursts in through the inner door, dressed in full uniform.) PACKER: Vaughn! They've taken over! The Cybermen, they won't obey! They've killed the... (PACKER breaks off and nervously looks behind at the door.) PACKER: They're coming after us. Vaughn! (PACKER goes up to VAUGHN and tries to shake an answer out of him:) PACKER: What have you done to us? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? (A Cyberman comes crashing through the door and advances on them. PACKER rounds to face the Cyberman, draws his pistol, and begins taking pot shots at it. After emptying the six shots of the pistol the Cyberman is unaffected and simply reaches for it's chest unit. A fierce glow envelopes PACKER who screams in agony and falls dead. (The DOCTOR and VAUGHN are hiding behind the desk, when the DOCTOR jumps up and switches on the Cerebraton Mentor before the Cyberman can turn to face him, and switches it on full power. The Cyberman utters a piercing electronic shriek and collapses, finally stopping motionless on the floor. (VAUGHN has crawled from behind his desk and is almost in shock as the DOCTOR comes up to him.) DOCTOR: Vaughn! Where is the transmitter for the radio beam? VAUGHN: (In fierce resignation.) We can't fight them, they're too powerful, too many of them. DOCTOR: Oh don't be a fool man. Where do we turn it off! VAUGHN: At the compound, but they'll be there. DOCTOR: Right. We must stop them. (The DOCTOR pulls out his transmitter and speaks into it.) DOCTOR: Brigadier, Brigadier, this is the Doctor. Can you still hear me. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. INT. UNIT AEROPLANE (The BRIGADIER has the microphone at the R/T console. He replies:) BRIGADIER: Yes Doctor, we heard everything. What do we do? DOCTOR: (OOV.) There are only two possibilities. We must either cut off the transmitter of the radio beam at the compound or destroy the Cyberman spaceship. BRIGADIER: How much time do we have? DOCTOR: (OOV.) Oh, I've no idea, it could be minutes or hours - depends how long it takes them to prepare this bomb of theirs. BRIGADIER: Well, destroying the spaceship is gonna take time. Now we've heard from Captain Turner - the Russians are with us, but they say it'll take at least ten hours or more to get a missile that far. DOCTOR: (OOV.) Then there's only one chance. The radio beam. Err, wait. (The DOCTOR can be overheard addressing VAUGHN.) DOCTOR: Vaughn. Now Vaughn, will you help us. We must try to get to the controls of the radio beam. We'll never do it in time unless you help us! [SCENE_BREAK] 6. INT. VAUGHN'S OFFICE. DAY (VAUGHN is despondent at the failure of his plans and sits slumped against his desk in resignation.) VAUGHN: You still think you have a chance? DOCTOR: Yes, if you'll help us! VAUGHN: Help you? Why should I! DOCTOR: Well to save us! To save yourself! VAUGHN: And if I survive, what future have I got? What will the world do with me? DOCTOR: Oh, for heaven's sake, stop thinking about yourself! Think of the millions of people on earth who are about to die! VAUGHN: Appealing to my better nature... No. If I help you, it'll be because I hate them, the Cybermen, "my allies". You think I'm mad, that all I want is power for its own sake. No, I have to have power. The world is weak, vulnerable, a mess of uncoordinated and impossible ideals. It needs a strong man, a single mind. A leader! DOCTOR: Vaughn, will you listen? VAUGHN: Right. I'll help you to destroy them because I hate them. They... destroyed my dream... (The voice of the BRIGADIER suddenly sounds from the DOCTOR's transmitter.) BRIGADIER: (OOV.) Doctor? DOCTOR: Ah... yes, Brigadier? BRIGADIER: (OOV.) We have a chopper in the area. Can you get up to the roof? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, we'll wait there for you. BRIGADIER: (OOV.) Wilco. Out. VAUGHN: Your UNIT friends are very efficient. I'll lead the way to the roof. (As they leave, VAUGHN snatches the Cerebraton Mentor from the DOCTOR who had taken it from the desk.) VAUGHN: No, no, no - I'll take that, the Cybermen will be guarding the radio transmitter... [SCENE_BREAK] 7. INT. UNIT AEROPLANE (The BRIGADIER issues more orders over the UNIT aeroplane's internal communications.) BRIGADIER: Brigadier to Wing Commander. Get us airborne and head for the nearest airstrip to the compound area. Red sector two. WING COMMANDER: (OOV.) Wilco. BRIGADIER: Take over, Benton. BENTON: Right sir. (BENTON takes over the communications post while the BRIGADIER goes over to join ISOBEL and ZOE.) ISOBEL: Are we going to go in and help the Doctor? BRIGADIER: Ah yes. ZOE: He'll need it if he's got to fight his way through two hundred Cybermen. BRIGADIER: Yes, I only wish we had more time to release more men from the Cyber-control. As it is, we've only got a platoon! (The voice of Captain TURNER sounds from the communications post.) TURNER: (OOV.) Captain Turner to UNIT control. Come in control. Do you read me, over? BENTON: Loud and clear - hang on sir! (The BRIGADIER steps up to the radio microphone.) BRIGADIER: Yes Jimmy, over. TURNER: (OOV.) Hello sir. The Russians have fitted a warhead to the rocket now sir, a super-cooled hydrogen device. It's a solid fuel booster, so it's nearly ready for lift-off. Over. BRIGADIER: Good Jimmy, sounds promising. We probably haven't got all that much time, but there's no reason why we shouldn't chuck everything we've got at them. Out. WING COMMANDER: (OOV.) Ready for take-off sir. BRIGADIER: Take off. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. INT. HENLOW DOWNS. DAY (The crew of Henlow Downs are going about their business as BENTON's voice sounds out on the open network radio. Sergeant PETERS moves from his post to question Major BRANWELL.) BENTON: (OOV.) All UNIT personnel to flight positions. Standard take-off procedure. Assault platoon prepare for action. ETA, fifteen minutes approximately. All mobile UNIT groups proceed to red sector two area. I say again, all mobile UNIT groups proceed to red sector two area... PETERS: Do you think that Russian rocket stands any chance? BRANWELL: At that distance? Not enough time. PETERS: Ah, I suppose not. BRANWELL: That's why those Cybermen things are keeping their range - they know they're safe. PETERS: But you never know, they could take time to get that bomb of theirs ready, and that Russian rocket might make it. BRANWELL: Yeah, it just might. [SCENE_BREAK] 9. EXT. RUSSIAN LAUNCH PAD. DAY (With an ear-splitting noise, the Russian missile finally ascends on a brilliant column of exhaust gases from the rocket, and heads off high into the atmosphere, ground-based telescopes tracking it upwards. The fiery trail of the rocket dwindles until it is impossible to discern the rocket directed toward the moon.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. INT. UNIT AEROPLANE (Corporal BENTON turns from his communications post to report to the BRIGADIER.) BENTON: Sir, Captain Turner reports Russian missile on it's way. BRIGADIER: Wish `em luck. Now, Captain Turner will be keeping us posted stage by stage, so keep listening Benton. BENTON: Sir. PILOT: (OOV.) UNIT sector five chopper to command, over. BENTON: Command here, receiving you, over. PILOT: (OOV.) Coming in to land at the compound, red sector two, my passenger wants a word, over. (The BRIGADIER takes the radio microphone.) BRIGADIER: Yes Doctor. DOCTOR: (OOV.) Um, Brigadier. We're... we're just coming in to land at the compound. BRIGADIER: Yes, well hang on till we get there, we'll give you support. DOCTOR: (OOV.) No, no, I'm sorry Brigadier, we must go in right away, otherwise we'll be too late. BRIGADIER: But that's madness, you don't stand a chance against the Cybermen without us. DOCTOR: (OOV.) Ah, don't worry - we have the Professor's machine, it's proved to be very effective so far. BRIGADIER: Well don't take any chances, we'll get there as soon as we can. Where should we head for? DOCTOR: (After a moment, OOV.) Vaughn says that the transmitter controls are in the old I.E. factory - that's on the... the east side of the compound. BRIGADIER: Right. PILOT: (After a moment, OOV.) Chopper Pilot to command, sir. Coming down now. What shall I do, stick around, over. BRIGADIER: Yes, hover above, it'll give us a bearing. PILOT: Wilco, out. BRIGADIER: How long before we touch down, Benton? BENTON: About ten minutes, sir. BRIGADIER: Right, get the men out as soon as we've taxied in. BENTON: Right, sir. (Switching on the R/T.) Assault platoon prepare for action. Maintain constant communication with control on red alert frequency. (The BRIGADIER comes up to ISOBEL and ZOE at the conference table.) ZOE: Can we come with you? BRIGADIER: Well, I don't really think... ISOBEL: It'll be the last chance I'll get to photograph the Cybermen, please. BRIGADIER: Well, as long as you keep out of the way. At least I'll be able to keep an eye on you this time. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. EXT. GROUNDS OF THE OLD IE FACTORY. DAY (The DOCTOR and Tobias VAUGHN are cautiously making their way through the grounds of the old factory towards the radio transmitter. They start running up a narrow lane between two buildings when they both realise there is a Cyberman standing guard right at the end of the lane, but facing away to the left. VAUGHN holds up the Cerebraton Mentor to take aim, but the DOCTOR pulls him aside to an alcove.) VAUGHN: What are you doing? We must destroy them! DOCTOR: We want to get to the radio transmitter control room! The Cybermen don't know we're here yet, let's keep that element of surprise. (The Cyberman guard at the end of the lane still has not seen the DOCTOR and VAUGHN. They retrace their steps and look for an alternate route to bypass the guard. After a moment, the DOCTOR finds a different path around, but in the open space beside a building.) DOCTOR: Come on, we'll try down here. (They advance only to stumble onto another Cyberman guard facing them. Fortunately, VAUGHN has the Cerebraton Mentor in operation before the guard can raise it's blaster to shoot them down. After a couple of seconds the Cyberman emits a loud electronic shriek and collapses to the ground, inert.) DOCTOR: Now they know we're here. VAUGHN: Right. We'll go over the roofs. (There is a fire escape just where they've passed by. They turn and clamber up the metal stairwell until they reach the roof of the building. From the high vantage point, VAUGHN points out a small brick building which is separated from them by a building and a long brick wall. It is guarded by several Cybermen, each armed with the cylindrical blasters.) VAUGHN: That's it. That's where we've got to get to. Down there. (VAUGHN is pointing to the place where the Cybermen are standing.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE FACTORY. DAY (At the entrance to the old factory, the UNIT force arrives, a jeep driven by the BRIGADIER followed by a lorry. The BRIGADIER, ISOBEL, and ZOE get out of the jeep, and UNIT and regular army soldiers jump from the back of the lorry. The BRIGADIER notices the UNIT chopper hovering over the compound.) BRIGADIER: There's the chopper. The Doctor's over that way. Follow me! (The BRIGADIER draws his revolver and leads the way, closely followed by ZOE, ISOBEL, and the soldiers.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. EXT. FACTORY BUILDING ROOFTOP. DAY (The DOCTOR and VAUGHN are crossing the rooftops of the factory buildings, but the Cyberman, having failed to find them on the ground, are now checking the rooftops as well. Suddenly a Cyberman appears in front of VAUGHN.) DOCTOR: Look out! (VAUGHN quickly aims the Cerebraton Mentor and drives the Cyberman back to the edge of the roof. The Cyberman drops its blaster and staggers backwards, then falls backwards over the edge of the roof with a loud cry. Unfortunately, the DOCTOR can see another four Cybermen following them along the roof.) DOCTOR: Look out! Come on! (They race to find shelter.) DOCTOR: Can you see any way down? VAUGHN: Yes. (VAUGHN indicates a ladder at the edge of the building. They run across to it and begin descending.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE FACTORY. DAY (The BRIGADIER leads his troops into a large open space in the compound. At the far end stand half a dozen Cybermen who begin marching on the soldiers. Fortunately for the BRIGADIER and his men, the area has a variety of factory equipment around which they use as shelter.) BRIGADIER: Cybermen! Take cover! (A pitched battle begins with the sounds of rifle fire, then machine guns, and then, as the Cybermen advance, the high-pitched burst from their metallic blasters which surrounds the UNIT soldiers in a nimbus of deadly explosions. Bullets seem to have little effect and the army soldiers take casualties as some are hit by direct blasts.) BRIGADIER: Grenades! (While some of the soldiers keep up covering fire, the others lob grenades into the middle of the Cybermen. Although not completely effective, several of the Cybermen are incapacitated.) BRIGADIER: Bazooka! (Two soldiers bring up a bazooka and fire at will into the leading group of Cybermen, who are variously flattened to the ground or driven back, incapacitated.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. EXT. FACTORY ALLEYWAY. DAY (As the DOCTOR and VAUGHN near the radio transmitter building, they stop for a moment and listen to the eruption of the battle behind them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. EXT. BATTLE-GROUND IN THE FACTORY. DAY (After one or two reloads of the bazooka and the continuing bombardment by grenades and machine gun fire, the Cybermen detachment is vanquished.) BRIGADIER: Stop! Forward! (The BRIGADIER, flanked by ZOE and ISOBEL, halts at the corpses of the Cybermen.) BRIGADIER: And that was just a dozen of them. I'd hate to have to meet a hundred of them. Forward! (The BRIGADIER and his soldiers continue their advance, whilst ISOBEL, camera at the ready, begins taking photograph after photograph of the Cybermen.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. EXT. ANOTHER FACTORY ALLEYWAY. DAY (The DOCTOR and VAUGHN have reached the vicinity of the radio-transmitter building, but, to their surprise, there are no Cybermen on guard. On one side of the alley before them is a ladder of several steps up to a landing where the entrance to the control room is a simple wooden door.) VAUGHN: There's the main control switch for the radio beam. DOCTOR: Don't seem to be any Cybermen about at all, that's odd. VAUGHN: Well let's not waste time then. (VAUGHN moves forward and climbs up the ladder to the landing. The DOCTOR turns and notices opposite him a set of double doors with inset glass windows. The DOCTOR can clearly see a group of Cybermen behind the doors.) DOCTOR: Look out behind you! (Three Cybermen barge through the doors and take aim at VAUGHN. He turns, directing the Cerebraton Mentor at the Cybermen, but it is too late to incapacitate them all. Two of the Cybermen collapse but the last one left standing is more than enough. It fires its blaster at VAUGHN who cries his last, and falls to the ground, caught in a deadly explosion. (The remaining Cyberman then trains his blaster on the DOCTOR, who already is dodging and weaving his way down the alley, closely followed by explosions from the weapon. He yelps and leaps out of the way of the heat of each of the blasts.) DOCTOR: (Exclaiming after each near miss.) Oh! Oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho! (As the DOCTOR reaches safety at the end of the alley, the BRIGADIER and his troops catch up.) BRIGADIER: Doctor, get down! Right, bazooka! (The DOCTOR throws himself to the ground as the missile is fired at the Cyberman, which is knocked down as though it were a metallic skittle.) BRIGADIER: You `right, Doctor? DOCTOR: What? Yes - it's there, in that building - the radio transmitter control, you've got to destroy it! BRIGADIER: Leave it to us. Forward! (The BRIGADIER leads the soldiers towards the radio transmitter building, whilst ISOBEL stays behind to take photographs of the DOCTOR, who at first is unwilling to sit still.) ISOBEL: Just stay there. DOCTOR: Oh, but I... (The DOCTOR thinks better of following the BRIGADIER. Instead, he brushes his hair with his fingers and produces his best smile for the camera.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. INT. UNIT AEROPLANE (The BRIGADIER is back at his headquarters, updating news for the military forces by radio.) BRIGADIER: And for the moment, the crisis is over. The radio transmitter's been destroyed, so the Cybermen can no longer deliver their bomb. But their spaceship is still sending out it's hypnotic signals. The world is still paralysed. [SCENE_BREAK] 19. INT. HENLOW DOWNS. DAY (Cut to the missile base at Henlow Downs, where the crew, including Major BRANWELL and Sergeant PETERS, are listening to the BRIGADIER'S transmission.) BRIGADIER: (OOV.) To stop these signals, we have to destroy the Cyberman spaceship. PETERS: Sir! (Sergeant PETERS has noticed something new on the long range radar. Major BRANWELL gets up from his chair to observe this, as the BRIGADIER continues.) BRIGADIER: (OOV.) The Russians have already launched a missile which should arrive on target in approximately six hours from now. BRANWELL: What is it, Sergeant? PETERS: Something on the screen, moving in fast. BRIGADIER: (OOV.) If this is successful, ... PETERS: Look at the size of it! BRIGADIER: (OOV.) ...then the world will be released from the Cyber-control, and we can mobilise our forces to fight the Cybermen... BRANWELL: That can only be one thing. The spaceship. BRIGADIER: (OOV.) ...remaining on earth. In this case, I'd like all units... (Major BRANWELL picks up the radio link microphone and calls the BRIGADIER.) BRANWELL: Hello UNIT control, hello UNIT control. Henlow Downs calling UNIT control. Over. BRIGADIER: (OOV.) Yes Major. BRANWELL: Sorry to interrupt you sir, but we've picked up a large UFO approaching earth. [SCENE_BREAK] 20. INT. UNIT AEROPLANE (Cut back to the BRIGADIER and the others listening to BRANWELL's report, including Corporal BENTON, the DOCTOR and ZOE.) BRANWELL: (OOV.) It's standing off at about fifty thousand miles. Outside our range, I'm afraid - over. ZOE: They've moved in - why? BRIGADIER: Thank you Major. Out. (To BENTON.) Get Captain Turner. BENTON: UNIT control calling Captain Turner. UNIT control calling Captain Turner. Do you read me? BRIGADIER: Why do you think they've moved their spaceship in so close, Doctor? BENTON: UNIT control calling Captain Turner. UNIT control calling Captain Turner. Do you read me? DOCTOR: I'm not sure... possibly to try to avoid the Russian missile... or... BRIGADIER: Or to deliver their bomb by other means. BENTON: UNIT control calling Captain Turner. UNIT control calling Captain Turner. Do you read me? DOCTOR: Yes, I'm afraid so. You see, from where they were, let's say two hundred and thirty thousand miles out in space, their conventional missiles couldn't deliver the bomb, so they had to come in close. BENTON: UNIT control calling Captain Turner. Do you read me? ZOE: But in moving in thirt... fifty thousand miles, they've come into range of the Russian missiles! Well, they can't be more than a few miles from them! DOCTOR: But it's going in the opposite direction! BENTON: UNIT control calling Captain Turner. Do you...? TURNER: (OOV.) Captain Turner here. Over. BENTON: Here we are sir. BRIGADIER: Yes Jimmy. TURNER: (OOV.) Sir. Sorry about the delay but we've had a bit of a flap on here. BRIGADIER: Yes, we know! Can the Russians turn their missile? TURNER: (OOV.) Yes sir. BRIGADIER: How long before it strikes? (A short pause.) TURNER: (OOV.) They estimate twelve point five minutes, sir. BRIGADIER: Thank you Jimmy. Out. (He switches off the radio channel and turns to the others.) BRIGADIER: That's more than time enough for them to deliver their bomb, move out to safety, isn't it. DOCTOR: (In a muted voice.) Yes Brigadier, I'm afraid it is. (As everyone looks to the wall clock, the BRIGADIER displays his ability to state the perfectly obvious:) BRIGADIER: Yes, well this is going to be a long twelve minutes. (The clock reads twenty past two. Time passes slowly; when we look again the clock reads twenty-six past two. We inter-cut to...) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. INT. HENLOW DOWNS. DAY (...where the crew of Henlow Downs Defence Base are waiting just as expectantly for the Russian rocket to reach its target. We scan along the line of men, reaching Major BRANWELL at the far end, who checks his watch. Cut back to...) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. INT. UNIT AEROPLANE (...the continuing vigil in the UNIT headquarters. The DOCTOR worriedly rubs his chin, and glances at ISOBEL. ISOBEL exchanges looks with ZOE. ZOE then looks to the BRIGADIER, who we find tapping his swagger stick against his shoulder nervously.) (Inadvertently breaking the silence and everyone's intense concentration, BENTON noisily drops his tea cup on the floor. The BRIGADIER turns to him furiously.) BENTON: Sorry sir. [SCENE_BREAK] 23. INT. HENLOW DOWNS. DAY (Cut to the missile base at Henlow Downs. Sergeant PETERS alerts the crew to the new object which has appeared on the radar screen, some distance from the Cybermen's ship.) PETERS: There it is, the Russian missile. BRANWELL: Thank heavens for that. I'll tell UNIT control. (Now another new object appears, close to the spaceship, as the radar makes its next sweep.) PETERS: Ah! (The new object departs rapidly from the Cyberman's ship.) PETERS: Must be the Cybermen's bomb. BRANWELL: Red-alert procedure! Raise all missiles! (The crew of the missile base erupt into sudden action.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. EXT. MISSILE LAUNCHING RANGE. DAY (The missile launching pads are once again activated, each with its load of several multiple-stage rockets. With a whirr of machinery, the pads are elevated and then the missiles raised to firing angle.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. INT. UNIT AEROPLANE (Back in the UNIT aeroplane, the BRIGADIER, the DOCTOR, ISOBEL, ZOE and BENTON listen to BRANWELL's urgent communication.) BRANWELL: (OOV.) It'll be in range in about thirty seconds, sir. It's travelling fast, but we stand a good chance of picking it off. Over. BRIGADIER: How about the Cyber-spaceship, is that still there? BRANWELL: (OOV.) Still there, sir. If they don't shift soon, that Russian missile will hit it right on the button. BRIGADIER: Let's hope so. [SCENE_BREAK] 26. INT. HENLOW DOWNS. DAY (Cut back to the base where PETERS is hunched over the radar, following the progress of the Cybermen's bomb. The countdown is paused at minus fifteen seconds.) PETERS: Coming into range sir. (BRANWELL signs off to the BRIGADIER and returns to the firing console.) BRANWELL: Must go sir, over and out. PETERS: Fifteen seconds. BRANWELL: Right! Let's get it first time, lads! PETERS: Ten... Nine... Eight... Seven... Six... (BRANWELL inserts the arming keys into the console and swivels them into place simultaneously.) PETERS: Five... Four... Three... Two... One... Zero! (BRANWELL presses down on the launch button.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27. EXT. MISSILE LAUNCHING RANGE. DAY (The first of the missiles is fired off from its elevated launching pad. Ground-based telescopes track the missile up into the stratosphere.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28. INT. HENLOW DOWNS. DAY (Cut back to the base control room; Sergeant PETERS and Major BRANWELL.) PETERS: She's going wide! BRANWELL: Prepare two! [SCENE_BREAK] 29. EXT. MISSILE LAUNCHING RANGE. DAY (The angle of the missile on the next launching pad is quickly recalibrated, as the bomb continues to close in to the earth. Then the first stage rockets light up, and the missile explosively thrusts upwards from the launch pad. After a moment, the first stage boosters split aside and the powerful second stage takes over. Again, telescopes track the rocket upward.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30. INT. HENLOW DOWNS. DAY (PETERS reads the data from the missile guidance computer.) PETERS: Two away, and it looks good! BRANWELL: Splendid! Standby three just in case. PETERS: Standing by! (As the bomb closes in, suddenly the second missile comes into the same range on the radar scope, and is obviously heading out towards it. At such close proximity, the missile locks on to its target and the guidance computer begins pinging softly but regularly in the background.) PETERS: Ten seconds and it's on the button! It's on the button! (The trace of the missile zeroes in on the bomb, when suddenly they both disappear.) PETERS: We've done it! (Nothing at all is left remaining on the short range of the radar scope. BRANWELL races over to the radio link.) BRANWELL: Hello UNIT Control. Hello UNIT Control. Henlow Downs calling UNIT Control, over. (PETERS returns the scope of the radar to the maximum range, where the Cybermen's ship is still hovering, while the Russian rocket is likewise remorselessly closing in. He shouts out to Major BRANWELL:) PETERS: Sir, the Russian missile, it's almost on top of the spaceship! I think they've got her! [SCENE_BREAK] 31. SPACE (The Cybermen's spaceship remains stationed a quarter of the distance to the moon. Its crew, who perhaps are still waiting for the Cyber-megatron bomb to wreak havoc on the earth, have not expected resistance in the form of a hydrogen bomb fitted to the warhead of the Russian rocket. Without apparent warning, the missile blazes in and burrows into the centre of the spaceship and, after a long moment, the warhead detonates. A colossal explosion vapourises the spaceship in an orgasm of light and energy.) (Thus the Cyber-control paralysing the world's population is ended and with the temporary exception of the few Cybermen left stranded on the earth, the Cybermen's invasion plans for earth are vanquished... for now.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32. INT. TRAVERS' HOUSE. DAY (The glow from the nuclear explosion in space gives way to... the bright lighting of ISOBEL Watkins' photography equipment. The emergency long over, ZOE is once again modelling her glittering, close-fitting costume for ISOBEL. She stands straddling two chairs in ISOBEL's room, back at the London home of Professor Travers. Eventually ISOBEL finishes snapping ZOE and puts down her camera.) ISOBEL: Tired? ZOE: (Stepping down to the floor.) No... Exhausted! ISOBEL: (Giggles at ZOE's frankness.) Okay, you can take a breather. ZOE: Fine. ISOBEL: Thank goodness I don't have to do any more modelling for a living. ZOE: What is this new job of yours then? ISOBEL: Well, because of my photographs of the Cybermen in action, I've got an exclusive contract with a publishing group. So I'll be travelling all over the world, snapping away with my little black box. (Feeling very satisfied with herself, ISOBEL taps her camera, and then asks ZOE:) ISOBEL: Oh... what will you do now? ZOE: Oh, when the Doctor's finished making his circuits, we'll be off again, I suppose. ISOBEL: Where to? ZOE: Well, we're never really sure... (Captain TURNER arrives and comes in through the open door.) TURNER: Hello. ISOBEL: Ah! Here comes my dolly soldier. TURNER: Cheeky! (TURNER smirks before addressing himself to ZOE.) TURNER: Zoe, the Doctor says he's almost ready to leave. I've got the Jeep outside. ZOE: Oh fine. But what about Jamie? TURNER: Oh he's alright, he's just having a check-up at the hospital. We'll pick him up on the way. ISOBEL: Well er... can I come with you? TURNER: (Jimmy smiles brightly.) As long as you promise not to call me your "dolly soldier" in front of the Brigadier, yes. Come on. ZOE: Right, come on! [SCENE_BREAK] 33. EXT. A COUNTRY FIELD. DAY (Captain TURNER brings the Land Rover to a halt by the field where the TARDIS first landed. The DOCTOR, ZOE, JAMIE, ISOBEL and TURNER get out and congregate at the gate to the empty meadow. They look about -- there is simply nothing in sight at all.) ISOBEL: Here? DOCTOR: Yes. This is fine, thank you. TURNER: A field? There's nothing here. ZOE: Are you sure this is the place, Doctor? DOCTOR: Ahh, yes, yes. Well I'm very much obliged to you, Captain. TURNER: Goodbye. DOCTOR: Oh goodbye to you too. ZOE, ISOBEL: Goodbye. DOCTOR: Goodbye, Isobel. Goodbye everyone. JAMIE: Goodbye. (With their various farewells made, the DOCTOR, ZOE, and JAMIE stride forward through the gate into the field, to the confusion of TURNER and ISOBEL.) ISOBEL: Why... why are they going into that field? TURNER: I've no idea. (The DOCTOR is unable to locate the invisible TARDIS and begins muttering to himself.) DOCTOR: Now then, where exactly did we leave it, hmm? Ahh! You two try over there. (To the complete bemusement of their onlookers, the DOCTOR and his companions begin wandering purposefully through what appears to be empty space, arms thrown wide. Clearly ISOBEL is beginning to wonder about the DOCTOR's sanity.) ISOBEL: What's he doing? TURNER: Search me. (The DOCTOR, JAMIE, and ZOE continue to slowly sweep and wave their way through the field as though they are trying to catch an elusive breeze. When the DOCTOR is almost ready to give up his so-far fruitless search, he suddenly finds the side of his arm resting against something which is invisible, and by moving his hand on it's side, makes it disappear. (He produces his key and quickly enters the invisible TARDIS, and totally disappears from view. JAMIE and ZOE shrug their shoulders for the benefit of the befuddled ISOBEL and Captain TURNER, who must be beginning to wonder what sort of conjuring tricks the DOCTOR is pulling. After several moments the familiar din of a shuddering and groaning noise fills the air, and a police box materialises where the DOCTOR was standing. A second later the DOCTOR emerges from it as though police boxes appearing out of nothing were commonplace occurrences.) DOCTOR: There we are, all done and ready to go. (He produces his handkerchief and waves it overhead to farewell ISOBEL and TURNER.) DOCTOR: Bye, bye, ha ha ha. Bye bye! ZOE: Bye. JAMIE: Bye. ISOBEL: A police box? I don't believe it! (JAMIE and ZOE pile in through the door of the TARDIS, and the DOCTOR follows, closing shut the door behind him. After a moment the same deafening sound fills the air, the police box fades away to nothingness, from which it came... but this time the field really is completely empty...)	Plan: A: The Cybermen; Q: Who has launched their megatron bomb? A: their deadly megatron bomb; Q: What did the Cybermen launch? A: all life; Q: What will the Megatron bomb destroy on Earth? A: the homing signal; Q: What must the Doctor deactivate to stop the Megatron bomb? Summary: The Cybermen have launched their deadly megatron bomb which will destroy all life on Earth unless the Doctor can deactivate the homing signal.
THE MOONBASE by GERRY DAVIS (Uncredited) and KIT PEDLER first broadcast - 25th February, 1967 running time - 25mins 15secs [SCENE_BREAK] 1. SICKBAY (The CYBERMAN stands and pulls out its weapon and points it at the DOCTOR and the others. It notices that one of the crew is trying to leave the room unnoticed.) CYBER 1: Stand back, stand back from that door. HOBSON: You're right! It is them! (BOB, one of the Moonbase crew, tries to rush the Cyberman.) HOBSON: Quick! Get out of it! DOCTOR: (Screaming.) No! (A second of the giants appears through the door and fires it`s weapon. BOB falls to the ground, smoke ebbing from his horribly charred body. HOBSON goes over and checks the body.) CYBER 1: Remain still. HOBSON: You devils! You killed him! An unarmed man! CYBER 1: Get up. (While HOBSON does so and moves back to the others, The first Cyberman communicates with the second.) CYBER 1: See that they remain there. CYBER 2: Yes. (The first Cyberman now tries to communicate with another via a transmitter, operating a control on his chest unit.) CYBER 1: Operational System Two now complete. Operational System Two now complete. [SCENE_BREAK] 2. MOON'S SURFACE (We see a Cyberman's spacecraft which has landed on the lunar surface not far from the base.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. CYBERMEN'S SPACECRAFT, INTERIOR (We see the face of another Cyberman who is looking into a small screen in which a lot of little lights can be seen.) CYBER 1: (Over communicator.) Ready to start Operational System Three CYBER 3: Understood. Operational System Three will now begin. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. SICKBAY (The first Cyberman turns back to the group and moves closer to the DOCTOR and looks down on him.) CYBER 1: You are known to us. DOCTOR: (Looking a little scared.) And you to me. CYBER 1: Silence. (The Cyberman turns back to the whole group.) CYBER 1: Who is in command? HOBSON: I am. CYBER 1: (To HOBSON.) You will be needed. HOBSON: (With anger.) What have you done with my men? CYBER 1: They will return. HOBSON: (Surprised.) They're not dead?! CYBER 1: No. They are not dead. They are altered. BEN: Altered? What have you done to them? CYBER 1: They are now controlled. (HOBSON takes a step forward.) HOBSON: If you do anything to my... CYBER 1: You will do nothing. (Meanwhile the other Cyberman examines the other patients. He comes to JAMIE.) CYBER 2: This one has not received Neurotrope. Stand back! (It levels it's gun but POLLY moved forward into it`s path.) POLLY: Please leave him alone. He's head is hurt. He had an accident. CYBER 2: His head? Then he would be of no value. (He turns to the first Cyberman.) CYBER 2: The others are ready for conversion. (The first Cyberman turns to HOBSON again.) CYBER 1: You will now take us to the control centre. HOBSON: I'll be damned... (The first Cyberman moves forwards threatening with his weapon and HOBSON, seeing it, keeps quiet and seeing that he has got no choice leads the way.) HOBSON: Through here. (The whole group starts to move towards the door but at the last minute, the Cybermen change their minds, and turn to BEN and POLLY, who are the last two people in the room...) CYBER 1: You will remain here. If you leave you will be converted like the others. (BEN and POLLY see that they are staying behind to assist the patients who are still in their cots and all bar BEN and POLLY are pushed through the door and the door closes behind them.) BEN: I don't like that word - "converted." [SCENE_BREAK] 5. CYBERMAN'S SPACECRAFT, INTERIOR (The three missing men, fitted with metal skull caps, are tested for control. The caps are spring clips running from forehead to occipital.) CYBER 3: Raise your left arm. (Like a zombie one of the missing men raises his left arm.) CYBER 3: Raise your right arm. (Same again but with the opposite arm. Another Cyberman enters into view.) CYBER 4: Control is excellent. (He points to one of the men.) CYBER 4: Transfer that one to the capsule. (The chosen man stands. Some Cybermen wheel a steel cylinder forwards, the shape and size of a man. CYBER 4 picks up the human and lowers him into the capsule.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. CONTROL ROOM (In the control room, BENOIT is trying to contact the men fixing the antenna...) BENOIT: It's about time that we heard from those two outside. Let's have a word with them. (Joe operates some switches on his console.) NILS: (At the communicator.) All yours, Roger. BENOIT: (Into the communicator.) Survey party, come in please. (Static comes from the communicator.) BENOIT: Survey party, come in please. (More static...) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. LUNAR SURFACE (We see two empty spacesuits floating in the lunar gravity and hear the beeping of the Survey party's communicator but there is nobody around to answer it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. CONTROL ROOM BENOIT: Survey party, come in, we are not receiving you, over. (More static comes from the speaker. BENOIT turns in puzzlement to NILS.) BENOIT: Can we see the control antenna from here? NILS: No, Roger. It's just around that first block just outside the main port. BENOIT: So, we have to send somebody outside so get ready... (HOBSON starts to come through the doors, BENOIT turns to him...) BENOIT: We have to... HOBSON: Get back! Get back! These things are lethal! (NILS, BENOIT and the other crew are amazed to see the first Cyberman come into the room, followed by the rest of the party and then the second Cyberman bringing up the rear.) CYBER 1: (To everybody.) None will move. (BENOIT moves a little bit.) CYBER 1: You will remain still. If you move you will be killed. BENOIT: (Amazed.) What are they?! How did they get in!? CYBER 1: Silence! We are Cybermen! You will listen. BENOIT: (Still amazed.) But you were all killed! CYBER 1: We are going to take over the Gravitron and use it to destroy the surface of the Earth by changing the weather. HOBSON: (Shocked.) But that will kill everybody on the Earth. CYBER 1: Yes. HOBSON: You're supposed to be so advanced. Here you are, taking your revenge like children. CYBER 1: Revenge? What is that? HOBSON: A feeling people have... CYBER 1: Feelings? Yes, we know of this weakness of yours. We are fortunate. We do not posses feelings. BENOIT: Then why are you here? CYBER 1: To eliminate all dangers. HOBSON: (Half anger/half shock.) But you kill every single thing on the Earth! CYBER 1: Yes. All dangers will be eliminated. BENOIT: Have you no mercy? CYBER 1: It is unnecessary. (He turns to his companion.) CYBER 1: Keep watch on them. (While the second Cyberman keeps guard on the crew, the first Cyberman goes over to another corner of the room. He unfolds an aerial from his chest unit. Nearby NILS and BENOIT, who have moved to be with the others, try to move forward but HOBSON stops them.) HOBSON: Don't rush them! CYBER 1: (Into communicator.) Operational System Four. Operation System Four. Operational System Four complete. Entry to base now completed. (This pips the controller's interest.) HOBSON: Entry? How did you get in? CYBER 1: It was very simple. Only stupid Earth brains like yours would have been fooled. HOBSON: Go on. CYBER 1: Since we couldn't approach direct, we came up under the surface and cut our way in through your store room, contaminating your food supply on the way. A simple hole that's all. HOBSON: A hole! That explains those sudden air pressure drops we been having. CYBER 1: (With what might have been sarcasm.) Clever! Clever! Clever! (Clearly a sudden computer error resulting in a moment of emotion filtering into the machine`s computer brain, before it`s central computer realises that "Clever Clever" is not a very tough Cyberman thing to say.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. SICKBAY (In the sickbay, BEN sits gloomily while POLLY picks her nails. JAMIE awakes. He tries to get out of bed and this causes POLLY to rush over to him.) POLLY: Hey, what do you think you're doing? (She feels his forehead.) POLLY: You seem to be better. JAMIE: (Trying to get up again.) Aye, I feel myself again. POLLY: (Pushes him back.) Lie back there! JAMIE: But I'm better! (Some thing causes him to rub his head - perhaps getting up too quickly.) JAMIE: Oh, my head. BEN: Well, take it easy, mate. POLLY: At least, you know it is not your McCrimmon piper. JAMIE: It had me worried though, I admit that. BEN: Yeah, those Cybermen have got us all worried mate. We see them in action before. POLLY: (Thinking.) They must have some weakness. BEN: They have, don't you remember. They can't stand radiation. POLLY: But where do we find that here? BEN: (Thinking too.) There's the Gravitron power pack but that's thermonuclear. None can get near it once its going. POLLY: Why not? BEN: Because Duchess, the temperature inside is about four million degrees, that's all. (JAMIE tries to help.) JAMIE: Well, in my day, they used to sprinkle witches with holy water. BEN: (Laughing.) Fat lot of use that would be on them. POLLY: (Thinking hard.) Sprinkle... Holy Water... Ben! BEN: Yeah? POLLY: What are the Cybermen covered in? BEN: As far as I know, their suit is a metal of some sort. POLLY: (Groans and then.) What about that thing on their chests? You know the part that replaced their heart and lungs. BEN: Some kind of plastic I think. POLLY: (An idea comes to her.) I thought so. You see, it's simple. Nail vanish remover dissolves nail vanish. Nail vanish is a plastic so we do what Jamie says, we sprinkle them, see?! BEN: No, clear as mud if you ask me. POLLY: (Turning to the bench.) Anyway, I am going to try an experiment. BEN: Yes, Professor. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. CONTROL ROOM (A hush falls over the room as the door to the corridor opens and some men and another Cyberman enters the room. The Cyberman is holding (and operating) a small control box. Each of the men is one that was taken from the hospital and is covered with the marks of the nerve virus. To the crew's amazement, one of the men turns on to be...) HOBSON: Dr. Evans! I thought that they were all dead! BENOIT: Better if they were by the look of it. (The controlled men stand by the first Cyberman who turns to the normal crew who, having not moved, are still by their normal working stations.) CYBER 1: You will leave your places. Go over there. (He points to where the DOCTOR, HOBSON and co. are standing. Some move but one doesn't move. The Cyberman speaks to him with a slight bit of menace in his voice.) CYBER 1: You will move. Tell the operators in the power unit to come out. (The crewman looks torn.) CYBER 1: Now. (HOBSON moves to the windows of the power unit and talks through a microphone.) HOBSON: All right, you can all see what is happening. Come on out, leave the machine and don't try anything. (The normal crew leaves the power unit room and each of the controlled men takes over a key control point in the room. The Cybermen are taking no chances this time.) CYBER 1: They will now take over the Gravitron power unit. CYBER 2: Yes. (The controlled men starts to move controls causing the Gravitron to power up.) BENOIT: (Into shock.) But you can't send them in their without protected helmets. CYBER 1: Why? BENOIT: The machine produces very intense sonic fields. Without the helmets, those men will be insane in a few hours! CYBER 1: How many hours? BENOIT: Twelve possibly. CYBER 1: Then there is no problem. BENOIT: Why? CYBER 1: Our purpose will be achieved before that. BENOIT: But what about the men? CYBER 1: They will be disposed of. (The DOCTOR, HOBSON and co. give each other shocked looks. The controlled men continue to change the Gravitron co-ordinates and the light on the map of the Earth on the wall begins to wander all over the Earth. The DOCTOR looks at the control box held by the Cyberman, which is humming.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. SICKBAY (POLLY has got lots of bottles covering the bench while JAMIE and BEN stand back seeing that POLLY is concentrating. She test droplets of plastic into various liquids.) POLLY: Ben? BEN: Yep? POLLY: What is nail vanish remover? BEN: Sort of finish, sort of acetone isn't it? POLLY: Acetone, of course! (She checks her collection of bottles and finds the one she was looking for.) POLLY: Great, we have some of that. (She pours some of it into a glass.) POLLY: Now, keep your fingers crossed. (She puts some bit of plastic into the glass and it dissolves.) POLLY: It's works! BEN: But I still don't know what you are on about. POLLY: If we can sprinkle some of that on their chest units, it might help to soften them. BEN: (Realising.) I get it! It will clobber their controls or something. POLLY: Yes, that's it. BEN: Yeah, but how do we know that acetone will dissolve their sort of plastic? POLLY: Hmmm, haven't thought of that. BEN: (Thinking.) Just a moment though, if we make up a mixture. POLLY: Of all the solvents. BEN: What have we got?! POLLY: (Looking through the bottles.) Belezine, Ether, Alcohol. BEN: We brew up a right little cocktail. POLLY: Yes. (They start to pour it into the bottle but then POLLY stops.) POLLY: Wait a minute, how are we going to throw it at them? BEN: Well, in bottles I suppose. (He thinks.) Just a tick though, I got a better idea. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. CONTROL ROOM CYBER 1: Prepare to align the field rectors. (The party of normal crew including the DOCTOR are powerless. We hear power building up into the Gravitron as RALPH alters the controls and the cursors on the main map move.) CYBER 1: Main power into projected radius now. (More controls are thrown.) CYBER 1: Service pumps to full pressure. (Nearby, the DOCTOR and HOBSON draw closer.) HOBSON: Why have they gone to so such trouble? DOCTOR: What do you mean? HOBSON: Why didn't they operate the control themselves? (The DOCTOR has an idea. He takes out his recorder and blows a high-pitched note from it. The controlled men stops working the controls and stand dazed.) CYBER 1: What is happening? CYBER 2: There is loss of control. (The DOCTOR stops playing the note and the controlled men turn back to their tasks.) DOCTOR: (Thinking to himself.) Thought so, sonic control. That should be easy. (A puzzled look comes over his face.) DOCTOR: (Thinking to himself.) Funny. (Out loud.) Funny. (Thinking to himself.) To go to all that trouble to make the men do the work. Why? (Out loud.) Do it themselves, easy. (Thinking to himself.) They're using the men as tools. Why? (Out loud.) Don't know. (Thinking to himself.) Yes, I do though. (Out loud.) There must be something in here they don't like. (Thinking to himself.) Pressure? (Out loud.) No, no. (Thinking to himself.) Electricity? (Out loud.) No. (Thinking to himself.) Radiation? (Out loud.) Maybe. (Thinking to himself.) Grav... Gravity! Now there's a thought. Gravity. (Out loud.) Oh yes, Gravity. (Nearby...) CYBER 1: Start probe generators. Realign the probe. (The Gravitron probe starts to move upwards, under the power room direction until it is in a vertical position.) CYBER 1: Probe field to full power. Now. HOBSON: (Speaking louder.) They devastate the whole Earth when that field takes hold. BENOIT: We got to do something. (A voice echoes into the room from the communicator.) VOICE: (OOV.) Earth Control calling Moonbase. Come in please. CYBER 1: (To the captives.) Remain still. VOICE: (OOV.) Hello Moonbase, come in please. CYBER 1: You will all be silent. VOICE: (OOV.) Moonbase, come in please. Hello? Hello? Reading on five centimetre band. Come in. Your last routine signal was not received, over. (Silence.) VOICE: We are not receiving you, over. If you hear us and cannot transmit, fire sodium rocket. We will see the flare. CYBER 1: (To HOBSON.) What does that mean? HOBSON: It is a distress rocket. It injects sodium into space and the sunlight turns the sodium into a solar flare. CYBER 1: What will your Earth do if they do not see the flare? HOBSON: Well, they'll think... (He thinks that a lie would be preferable.) HOBSON: ...we're all dead, they'll do nothing. VOICE: (OOV.) Standing by to observe flare. Standing by... (The first Cyberman switches off the communicator.) HOBSON: If they don't get our next transmission, they'll send up a relief rocket. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. SICKBAY (BEN is holding a fire extinguisher and explaining it to JAMIE.) BEN: So, get it. This bottle holds the stuff that puts the fire out and this cylinder pushes gas into the bottle so that the stuff comes out here. Now, all we got to do is to undo it... (He unscrews the lid. The smell of the fire extinguisher causes both men to wrinkle their noses.) BEN: Poar! Empty it and fill it with Polly cocktail. (POLLY comes over with a big container of the liquid.) POLLY: I got it all ready here. BEN: Good. What did you put in it? POLLY: Let's think... Belezine, Ether, Alcohol, Acetone and Profane. BEN: Blimey, one of them should do it. (Holding up the extinguisher.) BEN: Now, we need another one of these. JAMIE: Right I'll get it. BEN: No, you stay where you are Jamie. POLLY: Jamie, you`re not well enough. JAMIE: It's take more than a wee crack on the head to keep a McCrimmon down. BEN: Look mate, we don't want you cracking up on us. I'm sure Polly's very impressed... JAMIE: Look I said, I'm feeling better. Now, would you like me to prove it to you? (BEN rose to the challenge.) BEN: Any time, mate. (POLLY decides to be peace-maker.) POLLY: Now, come on. Haven't we got enough trouble without you two fighting. JAMIE: I go. BEN: Come on then. (They all start toward the door.) BEN: Not you, Polly. This is men's work. [SCENE_BREAK] 14. CONTROL ROOM (HOBSON starts to worry about the state of the controlled men as one of them collapses.) HOBSON: You'll kill them! CYBER 2: (Raising his weapon.) If you will not remain silent you will be put under brain control. (The Cyberman with the control box alters it`s settings and the collapsed human rises to his feet, like a puppet on a string...) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. CORRIDOR, NEAR THE CONTROL ROOM (BEN and JAMIE moves towards the door of the control room and Ben jumps a little when he sees POLLY coming up behind him.) BEN: Polly! I thought that I told you to stay behind. POLLY: (Determined.) I'm coming with you. JAMIE: Maybe not, now go back. POLLY: I'm coming with you and that's that! You still need someone... (She waves a fire extinguisher in the air.) JAMIE: I don't want... (BEN, fearing the Cybermen might hear them, steps in.) BEN: Look! There's no time for that now. If you're coming, come on. (They hover outside the door as BEN turns about for the team's final instructions.) BEN: Now look, we only have one chance at this. When I open the door, drop down as low as you can, aim this things... (Holding up the cylinder.) ...at their chests and squirt like mad. Right? JAMIE: Right. (BEN peers through a small window in the door.) BEN: Get ready. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. CONTROL ROOM (The first Cyberman hears Ben, Jamie, and Polly outside the door.) CYBER 1: Someone is there. (The DOCTOR seeing that BEN, POLLY and JAMIE have a plan decides to move some of the sonic controls which are behind him as a distraction. A shrill tone rings out and all the controlled men jerk about before freezing. The Cyberman with the control box struggles to maintain control over them, but without success.) CYBER 2: The beam is jammed! (He aims his weapon at the DOCTOR just as...) (They burst into the room squirting the liquid at the Cybermen.) BEN: (Shouting.) Quick, get their chest things! (The Cybermen's chest units begin to dissolve. The Cybermen try to aim their weapons on them but fail as almost as one they fall and struggle as if they were dying. Their limbs collapse, their chest units dissolve in a fury of foam and melted plastic.) DOCTOR: (Rushing into the power room.) Quick, get these things off their heads! (The caps are removed from the controlled men, who stand frozen in their last positions of motion. The normal crew dash back to their places.) HOBSON: Come on! Quick, there isn't a moment to lose. We got to get the Gravitron down to base level. POLLY: What about those poor men? HOBSON: Shift them off to the medical unit, as quick as you can. [SCENE_BREAK] 17. CYBERMEN'S SPACE SHIP, INTERIOR CYBER 3: (Into communicator.) We are not receiving you. We are not receiving you. CYBER 4: They must have failed. CYBER 3: Yes. We must invade now. Prepare the weapons. CYBER 4: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] 18. CONTROL ROOM (Everybody is busy and the controlled men have been moved to the sickbay.) BENOIT: Before all this, we lost contact with those two men outside. HOBSON: Well, send somebody else out. BENOIT: Can't spare anyone. I'll go myself. HOBSON: Field strength is stable, isn't it? BENOIT: Yes. Yes, it's all right. (He moves towards the door.) HOBSON: Keep in RT contract and be quick. (He moves over the NILS who is back manning the communicator.) HOBSON: Nils? NILS: Yep? HOBSON: Hook your controls into Joe's channel and keep an eye on Roger when he's outside. NILS: Right. (He leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19. LUNAR SURFACE (BENOIT pulls his spacesuit on and his helmet down. There is a hiss of oxygen escaping as the airlock glides open. BENOIT shimmies up a ladder to the Moons surface, where he catches sight of the broken antennae. He finds the two empty spacesuits. But something moves, just out of view...) BENOIT: (Into communicator.) Hello Base, Hello Base. I've found them. Hmm, At least, I found their suits. They got them, I'm afraid. [SCENE_BREAK] 20. CONTROL ROOM (HOBSON is by the communicator.) HOBSON: Well, there's nothing we can do about that now. You better come inside as quick as you can. BENOIT: (OOV.) I will. (NILS, who has been watching out the window, comes rushing over to HOBSON.) NILS: Sir, sir! There's one of those things outside. He's after Roger Benoit. HOBSON: (Into communicator.) You hear that, Roger? [SCENE_BREAK] 21. LUNAR SURFACE (BENOIT looks around nervously. Another crewman is with him.) BENOIT: (Into communicator.) Yes, I did but he must be mistaken. There's none to be seen around here. (Then, suddenly, a Cyberman appears and makes a grab for BENOIT. BENOIT cries out and jumps back out of the Cyberman's reach.) BENOIT: (Backing away back towards the dome as the Cyberman approaches.) No! No! (The other crewman, having one of the Polly-cocktail cylinders, tries to fire it at the Cyberman but nothing comes out. To the other crewman:.) BENOIT: Did you see that? Those things don't work in the vacuum! [SCENE_BREAK] 22. CONTROL ROOM (Everybody is watching the chase.) POLLY: Why can't you squirt it at them, like you did just now? BEN: Because duchess, it would evaporate in the vacuum before it hits them. There, now come on. (They both rush out of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23. LUNAR SURFACE (The Cyberman chases the two spacemen back across the surface.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. AIRLOCK (We see POLLY helping BEN into another suit.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. LUNAR SURFACE (The spacemen get nearer to the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26. AIRLOCK (BEN, now fully in a suit, and POLLY outside in the corridor, opens the airlock door. BENOIT and the crewman has made it to the door with the chasing Cyberman right behind them. BEN throws a bottle of liquid at the Cyberman which hits it square in the chest unit. It collapses and dies.) BEN: Come on, quick. (All three get back into the airlock and the door closes and locks behind them. Outside we see another couple of Cybermen arriving at the airlock.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27. CONTROL ROOM NILS: (Excited.) They're in! That fellow Ben got one of them. JAMIE: That was Ben? (HOBSON decides to make an announcement.) HOBSON: Now listen everybody. I don't know how many more of these Cybermen there are, but our point of view we are under siege. I'll reckon they will be back in a bit... (He turns to a crewman who has taken over at the communicator.) HOBSON: Now communications. Charlie, keep trying to get through to Earth. Right? CHARLIE: Right, will do. HOBSON: (To everybody else.) The rest of you, lower the armoured doors at all exits. (To POLLY.) Make up as much of that gubbins that you got, we may need it. (POLLY rushes out of the room to be greeted by BEN and BENOIT coming back in.) DOCTOR & JAMIE: Well done, Ben! HOBSON: (Into communicator.) Ground radar? SAM: (OOV.) Ground radar speaking. HOBSON: Have you got a fix on their ship yet? SAM: Yes, Mr Hobson, we are getting a strong pulse from five four degrees North about three kilometres. HOBSON: (Checking a chart.) That makes it over the rim. DOCTOR: (Coming over.) Mr Hobson, how far can the probe be lowered down? HOBSON: About thirty degrees. DOCTOR: That's no good. HOBSON: What do you mean? DOCTOR: Can any other part be lowered? HOBSON: (Thinking.) Well, the main coil lenses can be shifted about without too much trouble but too much trouble... (NILS comes rushing over.) NILS: (Pointing.) There's something outside there! HOBSON: What is it? NILS: It's a long way off. HOBSON: I'll come. (The DOCTOR and HOBSON moves forward to the window...) [SCENE_BREAK] 28. OBSERVATION WINDOW (DOCTOR, JAMIE, BEN, POLLY, HOBSON, NILS and BENOIT are looking outside the window.) POLLY: (Rubbing herself.) Oh, it's freezing. Do you think we should have our suits on? BEN: Oh no, it's all right love. Get a gorgeous suntan. HOBSON: Can't see anything. NILS: Just to the left of the launching area. Around a bit to your left. HOBSON: (Peering.) Still can't see anything. BENOIT: (Pointing.) No, it's there, look! Reflections from the sun! (We see a flash of silver.) HOBSON: You're right. There is something. (He rushes over to a telescope and peers through it. He scans through the area looking for any movement. Everybody is in silence as they wait... And suddenly, HOBSON sees them! They seem to be carrying some huge unknown apparatus.) HOBSON: It's them! Everybody back inside! Quick! (They all rush back inside the protected dome as we see lots of Cybermen. It's clear that they are intending to succeed - one way or another...)	Plan: A: Moonbase; Q: Where do the Cybermen take over? A: Earth; Q: What planet do the Cybermen attack with the Gravitron? A: a way; Q: What do Polly, Ben and Jamie come up with to fight back? Summary: The Cybermen take over the Moonbase and begin using the Gravitron to attack Earth but Polly, Ben and Jamie come up with a way to fight back.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Elena: I don't know what we were or what we're supposed to be, but I've never felt more alive. Jo: In our coven's tradition after their 22nd birthday, the twins merge their strength. The weaker one dies. Tyler: I'll find a way. I'm not gonna let you die. Caroline: I hate you for ruining our friendship, and I think that I deserve better than that. Stefan (V.O.): I haven't been there for her. Caroline needed me, and I ran away. Caroline: You're dying, Mom, and we're out of options, which is why I gave my blood to a cancer patient, and I healed him. I am not ready to lose you now. I want you to live for me. Caroline: (to Liz) Everything's gonna be okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CAROLINE'S HOUSE ] (Caroline wakes hearing some noise and goes downstairs. Suddenly Colin appears.) Colin: Caroline Forbes. Caroline: Colin. Colin: What the hell did you do to me? (After a while) Stefan: Hey. Caroline: Moms still sleeping don't wake her up. Stefan: What Happened? Caroline: I Don't know. H-he was fine when we left him at Duke, remember? He was running around and pain-free and scarfing down all that disgusting vending machine food. Stefan: Yeah? Well, clearly, he's not fine now. Wait. I thought you compelled him to forget everything after you fed him your blood. How did he find you? Caroline: I don't know. Stefan: What if this blood isn't even his? Is there any chance that your mom signed the house over to you? Caroline: I don't know. Maybe. She's been running around like crazy, saying she need to get her ducks in a row or... (Stefan opens the window Colin's face Starts to burn) Stefan: He's a vampire, which means after you fed him your blood... Caroline: He died. [SCENE_BREAK] Woke Up With a Monster [SCENE_BREAK] [ ALARIC'S ROOM ] (Elena is searching for something.) Elena: Calculator. Calculator. Where is the calculator? Of course. Under the catatonic serial killer. Damon: Hey. Elena: Hey. Damon: Sandwich? Elena: I can't. I'm late for my volunteer shift at the hospital. Damon: Ok. Ooh. That's new. Elena: Oh, yeah. Jo made me a new daylight ring. You like? Damon: Depends. Does it work? Elena: Well, I'm here, aren't I? Damon: Yeah, inside in the shade. Elena: I know everyone has their doubts about Jo's magic, but she has an entire month to get stronger and win the merge with Kai, so a little bit of support wouldn't kill anybody. Damon: Speaking of killing people. Still counting sheep or whatever the hell you psychopaths dream of? Elena: Look. Alaric's gone out of town to get some mystical thingamabob to give Jo an edge, and your job is to baby-sit Kai, not smother him with a pillow. Damon: Fine. Elena: And if he starts twitching or something, just give him 50 milligrams of phenobarbital. Damon: You're so cute when you're all doctorly. Oh. Hey. You forgot this. You're not free tonight by any chance, are you, because I know this little Italian joint that has eggplant so good you actually think you're eating people. Elena: Heh. And I happen to have a weird eggplant obsession. Damon: Perfect. Elena: Great. (smiles) Damon: And I'm thinking maybe after that, go the Arthouse Theater. They're playing some pretentious French flick. Elena: (laughs) I don't speak French, Damon. Damon: Well, not to see the movie, silly. To hide in the back and throw popcorn at the hipsters. Elena: (laughs, then frowns) Wait, we've gone on this date already, haven't we? (Damon says nothing) Damon, that's cheating, okay? You already know everything about me. Damon: Cheating? Cheating is erasing all of our epic memories. That's cheating. Elena: I'm serious. Look, if we're going to do this, then we can't just pick up where we left off. Because I don't remember where that is. Damon: I understand. Where would you like to start? Elena: At the beginning. I'm off at six; you can pick me up then. Damon: Fine. Elena: (grabbing her things and heading for the door) Fine. Damon: Great. Elena: Great. Damon: Good. Elena: (smiling and walking out the door) Bye. Damon: Bye (Door slams. Damon waves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LIV'S ROOM ] (Liv and Tyler are laying in bed together, sparsely clothed) Liv: How about Atlantis? Or like, the Sea of Tranquility? Tyler: On the moon? Liv: Mm-hmm. Tyler: (sighs) Ohhh. Liv: I hear it's nice there. It's very tranquil. Tyler: Mm-hmm. Liv: Mm-hmm. Tyler: I'm serious. (Liv laughs) Look, pick a real place. Liv: Why are we talking about spending Spring Break anywhere other than this tiny bed? Which we should probably leave at some point today. (kisses Tyler's neck and moves to get out of the bed) (knock at the door) Tyler: Ignore that (kisses Liv's shoulder) Joshua: (on the other side of the door) Olivia? You home? Tyler: Olivia? Liv: (grabs her phone and checks the time) Oh, my God, he's early. Tyler: Who's early? Joshua: (knocks again) Sweetheart, it's your old man. (Tyler gets out of bed. Liv is pulling on clothes.) Liv: (tosses Tyler a shirt) Here, put this on. Tyler: Your dad? What's he doing here? Liv: He wants to take Luke and me out to dinner. Hide! (Liv opens the door and sees Joshua on the other side) Dad, hi. I thought we were meeting later. Joshua: Well, we were, but I wanted a couple of extra minutes with my girl. Liv: Oh. Joshua: (hands Liv a present) Happy birthday. (Tyler is watching from behind the door, looking confused) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE HOSPITAL ] Jo: (to a nurse) I adjusted Mrs. Murphy's dose of Fentanyl. Keep an eye on her, thanks. (Jo looks down and sees a withered plant. She checks to make sure there's no around before trying to revive it) Jo: Phesmatos tribum, plantus vivifae, plantus... Hederus. (nothing happens) Elena: (coming up behind Jo) Should I call it? Jo: Time of death, anybody's guess. (drops the plant in the trash) Elena: (holding up her hand with the daylight ring) Well, in the magical win column, I just walked across campus without bursting into flame. So, there's that. (Stefan stumbles in, half-carrying Colin) Stefan: I need help. (In another room, looking at X-rays of Colin's brain) Jo: I had Duke over Colin's medical records. This head scan is from earlier this week. (places another scan on the board) This one was taken right here, ten minutes ago. See all that red? Damon: Well, I'm no doctor but that guy is screwed. Stefan: So the blood didn't heal him, it sped up his cancer and killed him. Jo: So now, I have a stage 10 cancer patient. Which, by the way, doesn't exist. Who is beyond terminally ill and a vampire, meaning all of his emotions are heightened and he can't die. Damon: Hey, no offense, but could someone tell me why I was called down here to listen to the story of Colin the Cancer Vamp? Liz: (arrived with Caroline) Because Caroline fed me her blood last night. So the same thing is gonna happen to me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. WHITMORE ] (Elena is sitting outside. Stefan comes out.) Stefan: Hey. Elena: Any news? Stefan: No, not yet. It's a little outside of Jo's expertise. Elena: (sighs) Did you know that Caroline was going to give her Mom vampire blood? Stefan: Yeah. I was there when it healed Colin. Elena: And then you left and then he died, so it didn't actually heal him. It did the opposite. Stefan: Caroline had every reason to think it would work. Elena: Yeah, but you didn't, Stefan. You're what? Like 165 years old? You worked as a paramedic at hospitals. Stefan: So that makes me an expert in supernatural cancer-treatment.. Elena: I just wish that you'd done a little bit more research. Or waited like, a day. Stefan: Because you were thinking so rationally when Damon died. Right? Her mother is terminal. You didn't see the hope in her eyes when she thought that maybe her mother didn't have to die. And I didn't wanna be the one to take that away from her. (Caroline is standing behind Stefan. Stefan and Elena look at her.) Caroline: Uhm, Jo has an idea. [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE HOSPITAL - LIZ'S ROOM ] (Liz is lying in bed, hooked up to machines and sleeping) (Jo and Damon are standing outside the room, looking in through the window) Jo: Medically speaking, this is our best option. If vampire blood is the issue, then a full transfusion of human blood might stabilize her condition. Damon: (sarcastically) Please, sound less confident, Doc. Jo: Look, we are in uncharted territory here. This isn't just a medical problem, Damon, it's a magical one. Damon: Well, then you're uniquely qualified. (smirks) Witch-doctor and all. Jo: Now you believe in my magic? Gee, thanks. Unfortunately, this goes beyond any witch ability I've ever heard of. But please, if you have a better plan, I'm all ears. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. WHITMORE CAMPUS ] (Tyler and Liv are walking to meet up with Luke. Liv and Luke are going to have dinner with their father.) Tyler: Why did you tell me your birthday was in two weeks? Liv: (looking in her compact mirror) To avoid this exact conversation. Am I wearing too much eyeliner? Tyler: If you and Luke are 22, that means you're old enough to merge. Liv: That's why Luke and I are going to bust our wonder-twin powers of persuasion, make dad think that Jo's powerful enough to over-power Kai, and Luke and I won't have to do the merge. (Luke walks up beside them, wearing a suit and tie) Luke: (points to Liv) You're wearing way too much makeup. (points to Tyler) And he shouldn't be here. Liv: He's not staying and why are you wearing a tie? Luke: I'm about to ask the leader of the Gemini coven to let us out of a centuries-old tradition. I kind of need him to take me seriously. Tyler: You should let me talk to him. Liv: Really bad idea. Promise me that you'll stay out of it. Tyler: What happens if you don't convince him? Liv: We will. Tyler: You die. You and Luke merge, Luke wins, you die. Liv: Do you trust me? Tyler: Do I have a choice? Liv: Then don't worry. You're not gonna lose me. (kisses Tyler and walks away with Luke) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE HOSPITAL ] (Damon is sitting in the waiting room. Elena comes in.) (Damon stands) Elena: Hey. Damon: Hey, the blood transfusions are stopping the cancer from eating her alive? Or hey, is there a sheriff-sized space available in the family crypt? Elena: I don't know. Jo's still running some tests to find that out. She should be out in a minute. Damon: I don't know if you remember this, but Liz and I are pretty close. Elena: (nods) Yeah. Damon: I mean, as far as humans go, she's...tolerable. Elena: I can see how much you care about her, but we all do. So if there's anything we can do to fix this, trust me, we will. Damon: Yeah. (Jo comes in, but only sighs) (Caroline is at a vending machine) Stefan: (comes over) Hi. Caroline: Hey. The coffee machine's broken. Seriously, what kind of hospital is this? If you can't fix a coffee machine, then how are you supposed to be able to fix people? Stefan: Sure you don't need some real food? There's probably a machine around here that vends (whispers) O-positive. Caroline: (sighs and leans against the vending machine) I screwed up. Big time. Why did I feed her that blood? Stefan: You were trying to help. Caroline: No, I was trying to fix something that I had no business trying to fix. It's like textbook definition of control freak from Hell. Stefan: Listen, you are an optimist. (Caroline sighs) You wanna believe that anything is possible and that is exactly what your mom needs to hear right now. Okay? (Exclamations of pain from Colin's room) Caroline: That's Colin's room. (Colin is stabbing himself in the chest with a metal bar. Caroline and Stefan enter, closing the door behind them.) Colin: I can't die. (pulls the bar from his chest and drops it on the floor) Why can't I die? Stefan: Hey, hey. Calm down, calm down. It's okay. It's okay. Colin: It's not okay. I'm in agony. I can hear my tumors growing! Caroline: Okay, we'll try to help, but just please stop hurting yourself. Colin: (vamps over to Caroline and grabs her arms) You wanna help me? Help me die. (Colin collapses and Damon is standing behind him, holding Colin's heart) Caroline: Why the hell did you do that? Damon: He made a wish, I granted it. Caroline: God. Damon: The blood transfusion didn't work. So you didn't just kill him, Blondie. Stefan: That's enough, Damon. Caroline: No, it's fine. You know, he's just saying what everyone else is thinking. I killed my mom. (Caroline leaves, slamming the door behind her) (Elena is standing outside Liz's room, looking through the window, calling Caroline) Caroline's Voice-mail: Hi, it's Caroline. Leave a message. Elena: (to Caroline's voice-mail) Caroline, where are you? Call me. Or better idea, just...just come back. (Elena walks into Liz's room. Liz is just waking up.) Elena: Hey. Liz: (weakly) Hey. Elena: How are you feeling? Liz: Like a human pin-cushion. So, what's the verdict? Did the blood-swap work? Elena: We're not sure yet, I mean, Jo's still doing some tests. Liz: (nods) You shouldn't lie to sick people, Elena. It's bad karma. Elena: They thought it was slow down the cancer cells from replicating. (Liz is trying not to cry) But it didn't work. I'm sorry. Liz: (nods) How's Caroline? Elena: She's good. She just ran out to get some food. Liz: Elena... Elena: She just took off. And now I can't find her; I can't get a hold of her. Liz: She's not gonna forgive herself for this, is she? Elena: Hey. (sits on the edge of the bed and takes Liz's hand) I'll make sure that we find her. I promise. (Liz nods and takes Elena's hand) Liz: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLOWER SHOP ] (Caroline is browsing flowers. Stefan comes in.) Caroline: Good, you're here. I actually need a second opinion. I kind of like this because sunflowers are her favorite flower, but at the same time, I was also thinking maybe they're a little too over-the-top cheerful for a memorial service. (walks over to the roses) So this was the second option, um, because roses are classic, right? I mean, especially in this shade of pink. Obviously, I would change out the vase, but-- (Caroline looks over to Stefan, who is just watching her) Caroline: If you're thinking of saying something to make me feel better, don't. I don't deserve to feel better. Stefan: I wasn't. Caroline: Good. Stefan: I was actually thinking that you have far more important things to do than plan a memorial service for your mother. Who's still alive, by the way. Caroline: Yeah, but all of this still needs to be done, right? She's not gonna want to live out the rest of her life as a vampire in excruciating pain. So I should do something that I'm good at, instead of making everything worse. Which arrangement? Stefan: Caroline, you took a risk. It didn't pay off, but you did it out of love. You made your mother sicker, okay? But what are you gonna do now? Are you just gonna bury your head in the sand? Caroline: I don't--I don't know what to say to her. Stefan: You don't have to say anything to her. Just sit with her. Caroline: (on the verge of tears) I can't. I can't even face her. Stefan: Look, when I was young, my mom, she got really sick. And instead of spending time with her, I did everything I could to avoid her. Like picking out her favorite flowers or walking into town to get the tea that she liked. And I pretended like I was doing it for her, but I wasn't. I was just afraid to see her like that. And then my dad, he uh, he sent her away and she died. I would give anything to have one more day with her. Caroline: What if she can't forgive me? Stefan: She doesn't think there's anything to forgive. She just wants you to be with her. (Caroline sighs and takes Stefan's hand. They leave the flower shop together.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC GRILL ] (Liv and Luke are having dinner with their father, Joshua. They're trying to convince him to let Jo and Kai merge instead.) Joshua: You're refusing to merge? Luke: We wanna consider other options. Joshua: There are no other options. If a set of twins doesn't merge, then the Gemini bloodline will cease to exist upon my death. That means the entire coven will die. Is that what you want? Luke: No, of course not. But you are in perfect health, Kai is on ice. That means we have time to figure this out. Joshua: There's nothing to figure out. This is what you were born to do. Liv: No, dad. This is why Kai and Jo were born. We were just the backup plan you bred because you thought that your first batch had a design flaw. Joshua: Kai is a psychopath. An extremely dangerous one. Liv: Dad, Jo can do this. She can win. All we're asking is that you give her a chance. Joshua: I'm not asking you to do anything I haven't done myself. Liv: That's easy for you to say. You merged with your twin brother and you won. You didn't drop dead. Joshua: It doesn't work like that and you know it. One will absorb traits from the other. Both of your souls will unite into a new being. Luke: Who looks exactly like me. Yeah, I know I'm stronger than Liv, so that means I will win if we merge. So you can put whatever poetic spin you want on it, but I will be killing my own sister. I can't do that to her. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ALARIC'S ROOM ] (Tyler takes off the oximeter from Kai's finger. [beeping] Tyler keeps unhooking wires from Kai. Damon walks in.) Damon: Bad timing, Lockwood. I'm in a mood. What the hell are you doing? (Damon vamp-speeds over to Tyler, grabs him by the throat and slams him against the door frame) Damon: I'll make it easier on you. I'll give you multiple choice: A: "I'm being an idiot." B: "I have anger issues, and I'm a puny human now, and I have to pick on people while they sleep." C: "A and B are both correct." (Tyler breaks loose and starts coughing) Tyler: Liv's dad is in town. Damon: Really? Tyler: She's trying to convince him to let Jo and Kai do the merge. Damon: Oh, so you just thought you'd come and grab Kai as a fail-safe in case Papa Parker says no to Liv and Luke. You just turn him loose and he merges with Jo anyway, huh? While I appreciate your efforts, he's a psycho freak magic siphon. I'm not gonna just let you walk out with him. (Damon stops. Having an idea, he slaps Tyler on the shoulder) I could kiss you right now, you beautiful moron. Tyler: What are you talking about? (Damon grabs Tyler and vamps over to the bed, injecting Tyler with the Phenobarbital, causing him to pass out) Damon: Yep, that stuff works really well. Nighty-night. That should keep you down for an hour. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC GRILL ] (Liv's phone rings. It says it's Tyler, but it's Damon.) Liv: Not a good time. Damon: (on the other line) Well, I'm sorry to hear that Twinderella. Big pitch going south, is it? Liv: Where's Tyler? Damon: Well, the good news is, your boyfriend and I, I think, have come up with a solution. Now it's a bit of a Hail Mary, but I think everybody gets what they need. I just have to ask Papa Parker one question, so do you mind putting him on? Liv: I want to talk to Tyler. Damon: He's, uh, out at the moment. (Liv hands the phone to Joshua, who takes it warily) Joshua: Yes? Damon: Hello, sir. Damon Salvatore here. We had Thanksgiving together. Anyway, I've been sitting here Googling celestial events happening today and I was just curious: Would a Mercury-Venus conjunction give you enough juice to do a little Gemini merge party? Joshua: Why? Damon: I'm gonna take that evasive answer as a yes. So, here's the situation: I'm gonna need you to use that planet party to merge your set of blonde twins ASAP. Because, well, unfortunately, your formerly comatose son is gonna be on the loose and Hell-bent on beating you to the punch. (Damon hangs up) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ALARIC'S ROOM ] (Kai is coming around) Damon: Rise and shine, you little weasel. (Kai tries to use magic on Damon, but it has all drained away while he was sleeping) Damon: Oohh, trying to pop a blood vessel in my brain? Sorry. Not gonna work. Looks like all that magic you sucked up drained away while you were asleep, which is good for me. Don't worry, I know where you can get more. (Kai sits up and laughs once, humorlessly) Kai: You really think I'm gonna trust you? Damon: No. And I'm not gonna trust you. I just happen to need a magic siphon and you're the only game in town. Kai: (looks down at Tyler and hops over him, off the bed) (to Tyler) Hi. (to Damon) Let's discuss my fee. [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE HOSPITAL - LIZ'S ROOM ] (Kai is washing his hands in the sink) Kai: All right. I need a 12-gauge needle, stat. I don't know what I'm gonna do with it, but I need it. Elena: You're not a doctor, so stop playing games. Because I am a vampire and I will rip your head off if you screw this up. Damon: What she said. So do your stupid little magic-suction trick and suck the magic out of her. Right now. Kai: I get what you two see in each other. It's very dys-fun-ctional. Ha! You see what I did, stressing the "fun" in dysfunctional? Liz: Just get on with it, Kai. Listening to you talk makes me wanna die. Kai: (amused) That's good. (Kai puts one hand on Liz's arm, the other on her cheek, sucking the magic from her. Liz is in pain.) Damon: Is it working? Elena: I have no idea. (Jo comes in, sees Kai and stops in horror) Jo: What the hell is going on? What is he doing here? Kai: Hey, sis. Little busy. Be with you in a jiffy. Jo: Elena? Elena: I'm gonna let Damon explain. Damon: Yeah. (Damon and Jo leave the room to talk) Elena: (to Kai) I'm staying with you. (Damon and Jo are in another room) Jo: Have you actually lost your mind? Damon: Hey, shh. Listen. You told me Liz was gonna die in eight hours if the magic kept doing it's thing. He steals magic. You made it through med school, I figured you knew where I was going with this. Jo: If you think Kai is doing this out of the goodness of his heart, I can assure you: he doesn't have one. What's the price? Damon: He wants to merge. Tonight. (Back in Liz's room) (Kai is still sucking magic from Liz. He finishes and pulls his hands away, flexing them.) Kai: There. All done. Elena: Sheriff, hey. How are you feeling? Are you okay? Liz: Yeah. Yeah, I think so. (Elena smiles and sighs. Liz starts having a heart-attack.) Elena: Oh, my God. I think she's having a heart-attack. Kai: Oh, that is so tragic. You know, 'cause you guys jumped through hoops to get the magic out of her system, but then her ticker's just not strong enough to take a little siphoning. Elena: Kai, you have to fix this! (Kai has disappeared and left Elena alone with Liz) (Damon and Jo are still talking in another room) Jo: I can't merge tonight. I'm not ready. Damon: You almost burned my house down. Don't you think I know that? Luckily for you, it's all be taken care of. Jo: Damon, what the hell did you do? (Damon opens his mouth to speak, but an invisible Kai breaks his neck) (Kai reappears) Kai: Magical neck-snap. Never gets old. Isn't this the part where you start running? Jo: I've spent my entire life running from you. I'm not running anymore. (Kai smirks, grabs Jo's arm and they walk out) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. MYSTIC GRILL - BACK ALLEY ] (Joshua is standing outside, looking up at the sky. Luke and Liv come out the back door to find him.) Liv: What are you doing out here? Joshua: Just thinking about how proud I am of you and your brother. Built a good life for yourselves here. Luke: Does that mean you'll think about what we asked? Joshua: Of course. We share a history. A bloodline. (Joshua hold out his hands, one to each of them) We're in this together. We're family. (Liv and Luke each take their father's hand. Joshua starts the merge ceremony.) Joshua: Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. (Liv and Luke both start experiencing pain) Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. Luke: You're merging us? Joshua: Kai has been released. He's going after Jo. I can't let him get to her. Liv: Dad, stop! Luke: I'm gonna kill her! She's not strong enough, dad. Joshua: I'm sorry. Luke: She's not strong enough, dad! Joshua: There's no other option. Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. (Tyler comes and shoves Joshua away) Tyler: She said no! (Tyler starts punching Joshua in the face and doesn't stop until Liv pulls him away) Tyler: (to Liv) He was going to kill you. Liv: I'm fine. I'm fine. (Luke starts leaving) Liv: Luke, where are you going? Luke: You trust me? Liv: Where are you going? Luke: I'll be back soon. I promise. (Luke runs away. Tyler hugs Liv.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE CAMPUS - PARK ] (Kai leads Jo to the center of the park) Kai: Look at those pretty planets, all twinkly and bright. Oh, Josette, you would not believe how sick I am of eclipses. Jo: Let's just get this over with. Kai: (cutting his hand open) You know, if you think I didn't spend the last 18 years in solitary thinking about you screwed me over last time, you're wrong. So if this is just another setup, I'll rip something out more important than a spleen. Like a tongue or a heart. So, any closing remarks? Jo: You're a parasite. You killed the people I loved, you shoved a hunting knife in my gut. You destroyed my life. Now I'm gonna destroy yours. (Jo holds out her hand for Kai to cut. Kai jerks it and cuts it.) Kai: I guess we'll see. Won't we? Jo: (Kai and Jo hold hands) Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. Jo and Kai: Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus.Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. (Jo falls away and faints. Luke walks around the corner.) Kai: What the hell did you just do? Luke: Oh, I just gave my big sister a little magic knock on the head. But don't worry, she'll be fine. Because you're gonna merge with me. (Kai starts laughing and pats Luke on the cheek. Luke slaps away his hand and pushes Kai away.) Kai: Oh, oh, oh. You want to merge with me. I hate to break it to you, little brother, but we're not twins, all right? That's not how this is supposed to work. Luke: Well, that's true, but we share the same parents, the same bloodline, and thanks to your timeout in the magic penalty box, we're the same age, so it's definitely a hail Mary, and--and maybe it won't work, but I'd do anything to save my sister's life, so... (cuts his hand and tosses the knife on the ground) .. we're gonna give it the old college try. Kai: Thanks, but I'm gonna pass. Luke: Phasmatos motus arrovox. (magically pulls Kai to him, holding his face with one hand) What's wrong? Are you afraid to play chicken with someone who might actually beat you? Kai: (shoves Luke's hand away) Fine. (grabs Luke's cut hand) It's your funeral. [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE HOSPITAL - LIZ'S ROOM ] (Elena is doing compressions on Liz, who isn't responding) Elena: Stay with me, Sheriff. Just...breathe! (Damon comes into the room) Damon: Elena, hey. What happened? Elena: It's her heart. I'm losing her, Damon. Damon: Okay, no offense Elena, but I think we need to get a real doctor. Elena: So find one! Now! [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE PARK ] Kai and Luke: Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis finantus. Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. Jo: Luke, no! Kai and Luke: Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. Sanguinem desimilus-- Jo: Luke, no! Kai and Luke: Sanguinem generis fiantus. Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. (Luke and Kai's eyes both turn white) Jo: Luke! Stop! Kai and Luke: Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus. (Kai and Luke fall backwards, unconscious) Jo: No! (gets up and goes over to Luke, cradling his head in her lap) Luke, come on. Luke, Luke wake up. [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE HOSPITAL - LIZ'S ROOM ] (Damon enters with a doctor) Doctor: How long has she been down? Damon: What's the mean? Dead? Elena: I-I don't know. (doctor is charging shock pads) Maybe I think it was a minute. It feels like an hour. Doctor: Clear! (shocks Liz) (Flashback) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CAROLINE'S HOUSE ] (Liz is packing a suitcase with clothes and baby pictures of Caroline) Liz: Caroline? (Doctor is still shocking Liz. Heart monitor is still flat-lining.) (Liz is looking at a picture of her and Caroline. Caroline in her cap and gown. She places the picture in the suitcase and closes it.) Liz: Honey, I'm leaving. You wanna say goodbye? (Doctor shocks Liz again, but it doesn't work. Elena is on the verge of tears.) Damon: Uh-uh. Hey, I compelled you to save her. (grabs the shock pads and shoves them back at the doctor) Unless you want me to gouge your eyes out, I suggest you keep working. Here. Doctor: I've done all that I can do. She's gone. I'm sorry. Damon: (compelling the doctor) Get out of here. Forget you're a total failure. (the doctor leaves and Damon throws down the shock pads) Elena: No, no. (starts compressions again) I will not let this happen. Wake up! Damon: (puts a hand on Elena's back) Hey, she's gone. Elena: Come on. (Caroline comes in, sees what's happening and runs over to her Mom) Caroline: No. No, no, no! Mom, Mom, Mom! (shaking her mom) Mommy! No, Mom! No. (crying) Don't leave me, please. Please, no. Please don't leave me, Mom. (Liz comes downstairs with her suitcase in hand. Caroline is standing by the window, staring out it.) Liz: Caroline? Can you hear me, sweetheart? (Caroline doesn't move or reply) It's time for me to go. (Liz puts the suitcase down and walks over to Caroline) You don't wanna say goodbye to your mom? (Liz grabs Caroline's shoulder and gently makes Caroline face her) (Caroline's face is covered in blood, her eyes bloodshot) (Liz wakes up and her heart monitor starts beeping again) Caroline: Mom? Liz: It's okay, baby, I'm right here. Caroline: (crying) Mom. Liz: Ohh, it's okay. I'm right here. I'm right here, baby. It's okay, it's okay. (Damon and Elena leave the room and go out to the lobby) Damon: (to Elena) Where you going? Elena: I need some air or some water or something. 'Cause...she almost died in my arms, Damon. Caroline's Mom almost died in my arms. (Elena kisses Damon) Damon: I thought you wanted to start over. Because, FYI, this is exactly where we left off. Elena: I don't care. Life's too short. Immortal or not, I don't want to waste another minute. (they kiss again) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE - LIZ'S ROOM ] (Liz is just waking up. Caroline is sitting on the edge of her bed.) Liz: Hello, stranger. Caroline: Hi. Liz: Are you okay? Caroline: (nods) I've just been sitting here, trying to figure out what to say. I guess I should lead with: I'm sorry for almost killing you. Liz: (laughs) Oh, sweetheart, please. You know me, I'm the world's unluckiest gambler. Caroline: I'm just sorry that I wasn't here. I couldn't-- Liz: No, no, no, no. This wasn't your fault. I need you to stop beating yourself up. Can you do that for me? Caroline: Okay. Liz: Can you say it like you mean it? Caroline: I will. Mom, you put the house in my name. Liz: (nods) Couple weeks ago. Just in case anything... Caroline: Yeah. Well, I don't... I'm not ready for that yet. Liz: I'm sorry. And I promise you: I will stick around as long as I can. Okay? Caroline: (nods) Okay. Liz: Come here. (they hug) (Stefan comes in with a cup of coffee) Caroline: Hey. Stefan: Hey. Caroline: Where'd you get that? Stefan: I guess someone fixed the coffee machine. (gives Caroline the coffee) Liz: That smells amazing. I would give you a million dollars for a decaf latte. What do you say? Would you mind getting one for your poor, sick mom? Caroline: I can do that. I'll be right back. (gets up and leaves the room) Liz: (to Stefan) So, looks like we can cross miracle cure off the list. Stefan: Must be some other option. Liz: I need you promise me something. Stefan: Okay. Liz: When I'm gone, Caroline is gonna need you. Even if she doesn't know it. She's gonna need someone to help her move on with her life. Someone to just make her smile. (crying) Promise me that you will do that, Stefan. Stefan: (takes Liz's hand) I promise. (Caroline is outside the door, listening) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE PARK ] (Jo is holding Luke in her arms, crying) Jo: Luke. Luke, wake up. Luke. (Damon comes into the park) Damon: Good. You're still alive. That's gonna save me a huge blowout with Ric when he gets back. (looks at Luke and Kai on the ground) I am definitely coming into something late. Jo: Luke showed up and he merged with Kai. Damon: Huh. So I guess adding the words 'twin merge' to my vocabulary was pointless, 'cause they ain't twins. Jo: He's not supposed to be here. The only reason he's here is because you let Kai out! Luke. Luke, wake up. Wake up, Luke. Damon: Well, uh, let me give him some of my blood. Jo: It wouldn't help. It's up to them now. Whoever wakes up is the winner. And whoever doesn't...(Luke takes a breath and opens his eyes) Can you hear me? Can you hear me? [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. MYSTIC GRILL - BACK ALLEY ] (Liv is calling Luke again) Liv: Why the hell won't Luke call me back? Tyler: Do you want me to go look for him? Liv: Yes. No! I don't know. (Joshua wakes up) Dad. Joshua: (gets to his feet) What has your brother done? (Back to Jo in Whitmore Park) Jo: Luke? Wake up, Luke. (Luke opens his eyes. Jo feels for a pulse.) Oh, my God. (Back to the Grill) Joshua: (holds his hand out to Liv) We have to leave. Now. Tyler: She's not going anywhere with you. Joshua: Luke is gone. Liv: What? Joshua: I can feel it. He merged with Kai and Kai won. Luke is gone. Liv: (crying) I don't believe you. Joshua: (grabs Liv's arm) We have to run, Olivia! Liv: I'm not going anywhere with you! Joshua: (about Tyler) You think he's gonna keep you safe? Tyler: She's staying with me! Joshua: If you change your mind, you know where to find us. (Joshua turns and leaves. Liv sobs into Tyler's shoulder.) (Back to Jo in Whitmore Park) Jo: (crying) Oh, my God. Luke. He's gone. He saved me and he's gone. Kai: You win some, you lose some. (Damon turns and Kai is standing there, grinning) Kai: Except for me. I always win. (Damon moves toward Kai, but Kai disappears) [ END ]	Plan: A: Caroline; Q: Who is woken up by Colin? A: Luke; Q: Who convinces Kai to do the merge with him? A: their birthday; Q: What is Liv and Luke's father celebrating? A: none; Q: How many of the twins wanted to die? A: the hospital; Q: Where do Caroline and Stefan realize that Colin is a vampire? A: his cancer; Q: What is Colin not cured of? A: The tumor; Q: What did Colin's cancer expand? A: Caroline's mom; Q: Who realizes that she will go through the same as Caroline fed her blood to? A: Jo; Q: Who is holding her brother when he dies? A: a full blood transfusion; Q: What does Jo suggest to Caroline's mom? A: Tyler; Q: Who tries to wake Kai up, but is stopped by Damon? A: 22 years old; Q: How old are the twins when they are ready for the merge? A: Damon; Q: Who stops Tyler from waking up Kai? A: her body; Q: Where does Liz take all the magic from? A: a heart attack; Q: What is Liz having? A: Elena; Q: Who is helping Liz when she has a heart attack? A: Mr Parker; Q: Who deceives the twins and tries to merge them? A: a doctor; Q: Who does Damon force to save Liz's life? A: cries; Q: What does Caroline do when she sees her mother dying? A: a bloody face; Q: What does Liz see in her daughter's vision? A: her brother; Q: Who does Jo hold in her arms when he dies? Summary: Caroline is woken up by Colin, the patient she gave her blood to. Stefan and Caroline learn that he has become a vampire. Liv and Luke's father arrives to celebrate their birthday. They propose him to avoid the merge because none of them wants the other to die. In the hospital, Caroline and Stefan realize that Colin is a vampire but is not cured of his cancer. The tumor expanded and while he is a vampire, he can still feel the pain of the tumor growing. Caroline's mom realises that she will go through the same as Caroline fed her her blood. Jo suggests a full blood transfusion but it fails. Tyler, who now knows the twins are ready for the merge (as they are 22 years old), tries to wake Kai up, but is stopped by Damon. Kai helps Liz taking all the magic from her body but with the condition that the merge is set for that night. Meanwhile, Liz is having a heart attack and Elena is helping her. Mr Parker deceives the twins and begins to merge them, but Tyler comes just in time and hits him. Luke promises Liv he will come back and go and look for Kai. Kai and Jo begin the merge, although she is not ready yet. Luke stops the merge and convinces Kai to do it with him. Damon compels a doctor to save Liz's life, but she dies. Caroline arrives in that moment and cries on her mother's body. Before dying, Liz has a vision in which she sees her daughter with a bloody face, and then mysteriously wakes up. After the merge, Jo witnesses Luke and Kai fainting. While Jo is crying and holding her brother in her arms, he dies and she realizes that Kai has won the merge.
"Harvest" 28th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 2ADA06 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode begins in a hallway at school) Maria: You ok? Liz: Oh, I didn't get much sleep last night. Maria: You look like you got your heart stomped out. No, wait...that would be me. Well, if it's possible, you look worse. Liz: Have you seen Max today? Maria: He did this to you? Liz: No, uh...well, yeah. I just...I can't even explain it. Maria: You can't explain? This is me you're talking to here. Liz: I just want to make sure that he's ok. But, if you see him, just don't tell him I asked. (Michael walks up to Maria) Michael: Hey. Maria: Whatever, dude. Michael: No, I have something to tell you. Maria: I'm not interested. Michael: Hey, it's about Courtney. Maria: I am so not interested. Michael: Hey, will you just listen to me? Maria: You listen to me here. She made a play for you, and you went for it. So, what? Now she's screwed you over and you've come to realize she's a cheap, manipulative tramp? Well, this is not news to me. Michael: She's an alien. A skin, like Whitaker. (Group meeting in a classroom) Michael: I knew there was something wrong about her, even before I found her picture in Whitaker's office. Max: Where's Courtney now? Michael: I don't know. She went out the window. I tried chasing her... Maria: But it's hard to run with your pants around your ankles? Tess: Settle the personal crap on your own time. If Courtney's a skin, it means she was working with Whitaker. Isabel: You're right. There's no way 2 skins would just happen to be in Roswell at the same time. They were working together, which means Courtney knows everything about us. Michael: Maxwell, are we disturbing you? Tess: Leave him alone. He's had a rough night. Michael: Really? Something you wanna share with the class? Max: No. Look, if Courtney is a skin and she was working with Whitaker, the first question is, does she know that Whitaker's dead? Maria: If she didn't before, she does now. Television: We have this story just in. A controversial New Mexico congresswoman is dead. We'll have that story in just a minute. (Opening credits) Television: Widowed just 6 months before her husband John Whitaker's upcoming election, she took his place on the ballot and won the election by a higher margin than any Democrat in 15 years. But all that ended yesterday, just outside her hometown of Copper Summit, Arizona, where a tragic single-car accident cut short a life of public service. Tess: A car crash? Television: In other national news, the Department of Transportation took... Isabel: She died 2 weeks ago. I was there. Max: We were all there. Michael: How could she be in a car accident if she's dust? Tess: So who's conveniently covering up her death for us? Isabel: Nasedo said the skins were among us. Skins, plural. Maybe other skins created a fake car accident to keep the Feds from looking too closely into Whitaker's background. Tess: Max...what do we do? Michael: Uh, let me guess. Nothing. Max: Liz. (Switch to Whitaker's office. Liz is answering a phone call) Liz (on phone): Yeah, we...we're in total shock. No, we haven't set a date for the memorial service yet. Yes, I will let you know as soon as we do. Of course. Ok. Liz: The phone's been ringing off the hook for the past hour. Max: Somebody covered up Whitaker's death. Liz: Why? Max: Has anybody been asking questions over the past few days? Liz: People have been calling. I just have been saying that she's on vacation, just like we said. Max: Well, somehow the skins know that she's dead. None of us has said anything...unless it came from here. Liz: You mean, from me. Tess: Look at this. The postmark says Copper Summit. It's from something called the Universal Friendship League. Liz: Whitaker never mentioned it. Isabel: What the hell is the Universal Friendship League? Could it sound any creepier? Tess: Marked "personal". (Max opens the envelope and reads the letter out loud) Max: "Dear member: Your failure to report as scheduled violates protocol. We must receive word by the 25th of this month or terminate your membership, effective that date." Isabel: The 25th was yesterday. Tess: That's when they say she died. Max: "Sincerely, T. Greer, senior coordinator, Vilandra project." Isabel: Vilandra? Max: Does that mean something to you? Isabel: No. We should call. (Liz calls the UFL) UFL Person: Yes? Liz: Hi, um, is this the...the Universal Friendship League? UFL Person: Who is this? Liz: I...I'm calling from Congresswoman Vanessa Whitaker's office. We just, um, opened this letter this morning and...I wanted to call and apologize for not responding sooner. UFL Person: Yes? Liz: We just wanted to let you know that, unfortunately, Congresswoman has passed away. UFL Person: Thank you for calling. (The person from the UFL hangs up) Liz: They just hung up. Max: We're going to Arizona. Michael: Hey, I'm not going anywhere until I find... Max: Courtney. That's right, you're staying. Michael: So we agree. Max: Yeah. Michael: There's a first. Max: But we do need you to come with us, Liz. You're the only one of us who has a legitimate connection to Whitaker. (Max, Isabel, Tess, and Liz are in the jeep on their way to Arizona. Isabel remembers what Whitaker told her about Vilandra) Whitaker (V.O.): Your name...was Vilandra. And you were beautiful...even more beautiful than you are now. You had a great love, and for him, for us, you betrayed your brother, your race. You sacrificed him. You sacrificed everyone, even yourself. And history, my dear...always repeats itself. (Later on during the drive. Isabel and Tess have fallen asleep. Liz is driving and Max is staring at her from the back seat) Liz: I'm...I'm ok up here...if you want to get some sleep. Max: I haven't slept since I saw you with Kyle. Liz, I know you, and I don't believe that you would do that to me. It doesn't make sense. Tell me what happened. (Meanwhile, Michael and Maria investigate Courtney's apartment) Maria: Michael! I feel like we're Scully and Mulder or something. Michael: Shhh. Would you shut up? Maria: Ok. Michael: Nobody's home. (Maria finds some CDs) Maria: Culture Club? Wham? The Backstreet Boys? God, she really is an alien, this one. Michael: A little help here? Maria: Fine. What are we looking for? Michael: Clues? You know...an address book or a calendar somewhere. Maria: Of course. Like she's gonna write her hideout in an address book, oh ho! Michael: Hey, are you just gonna rag on me or are you gonna help? (Maria finds a piece of shedded skin) Maria: Michael...What is this? Michael: That's why they call 'em skins. She's shedding. Maria: Eww, it's so gross! Eww! How did you figure out she was a skin, anyway? Michael: I saw part of her skin come off. Maria: Which part? Michael: When are you gonna get off this? Maria: Not for a very, very long time, Mikey G. Michael: There's nothing going on between me and Courtney. (Maria and Michael resume their search. Maria finds something and screams) Maria: Ohh! Ohh! (Michael rushes over to help Maria. He and Maria see a Michael shrine in the closet. There are numerous pictures of him, as well as some of his belongings) Michael: That's the shirt I lost at work. What the hell is this? Maria: It's Graceland...and you're Elvis. Michael: Wow. Maria: Wow? Is that all you can say right now, is "wow"? She's obsessed with you. She's, like, an alien stalker. She's been spying on you for weeks. She's been dreaming about you, fantasizing about you... Michael: Hey, shut up for a second. Take a look at the pictures. They were all shot from the apartment across the street from my building. Maria: So? Oh! That's where she goes to spy on you. Michael: Yep. Maria: Ohh. (Max and company arrive at Copper Summit. They stop at the Stagecoach Museum and ask one of the locals where the Universal Friendship League is) Max: Excuse me. Local: Help you? Isabel: Yeah, this is Copper Summit? Local: Yee-haw. Isabel: Where's the main drag? Local: Lookin' at it. Max: The tour guide made it sound like... Local: That must be an old tour guide. 46 miles from the interstate, 63 from the nearest Ho-Jo's. This town's dead as a doornail. Max: Actually, we're looking for the Universal Friendship League. Local: Here for the harvest, then? Isabel: Harvest? Local: Uh, Friendship League's a members-only outfit. Very hush-hush. They don't like outsiders, especially with all the press around here these days. Isabel: Actually, we've been invited. Local: That right? Isabel: Yeah. Local: It ain't hard to find. Big old building. Max: Stay on this street? Local: Well, I did say this was the main drag, didn't I? Max: Thank you. (The local calls someone at the UFL) Local: 4 on the way. Non-members. (Max parks near the UFL) Isabel: I'll go. Max: Wait. We all have to watch our step. From this point on, trust only each other. Be aware, be careful, and don't go anywhere alone. All right? (Max and Isabel leave. Tess and Liz talk in the jeep) Tess: So...you and Kyle. Liz: Yeah. Oh, Kyle...he told me that you two were, uh, getting involved. Tess: Oh, it's ok, don't worry about it. Liz: I'm sorry. Tess: About what? All you did was sleep with him. How was he, anyway? Liz: Oh, I, um...I...we...it was great. Tess: Noted. (Max and Isabel walk up to the Universal Friendship League and knock on the door. Mr. Greer opens the door to address them) Isabel: I'm sorry, we didn't mean to bother you. We're looking for a Mr. Greer, the senior coordinator? Greer: Yeah, that's me. T. Greer. Welcome to Copper Summit. "All kidding aside, it's a wild ride." Isabel: Could we come in for just a minute and talk to... Greer: Uh...we're a private organization. Members only. Max: What exactly is the Universal Friendship League? Greer: The friendship league is a private organization, and we ask all our valued visitors to avail themselves of all the tourist opportunities here in Copper Summit and to grant us our privacy. Max: Coming through town, it seemed like all the tourist attractions were closed. Greer: Then maybe the best thing to do is just head on down the highway. Try Tombstone. I ought to be going. Isabel: What's the Vilandra project? Greer: I wouldn't know. Max: We were friends of Congresswoman Whitaker's. Before we leave town, we'd like to pay our respects to the family. Greer: That'll be the Crawfords. 2 blocks down, turn left, red mailbox. Max: Appreciate it. (Greer closes the doors) (Max, Tess, Isabel, and Liz make their way to the Crawford's residence. Ida Crawford is outside along with a mailman) Max: Excuse me, is this the Crawford's? (Mailman nods and points to the house) Max: Thanks. Max (to Liz): You're on. Liz: Ms. Crawford? Hi, I'm Liz Parker. Vanessa's assistant. We talked on the phone? Ida: Oh, sure. Liz Parker. Liz: I'm really sorry to hear what happened to your daughter. It's so terrible. Ida: Oh, thank you, dear. What are you doing here? Liz: Oh, um, I just wanted to drop off some of your daughter's personal effects. Ida: Oh, honey, that is so sweet. Well, you didn't have to come clear up here. My gosh, it must be 400 miles! Walt! Visitors! Did you kids work for Vanessa? Isabel: No, not exactly. Liz: Oh, um, this is Max, Isabel, and, uh, and Tess. Ida: Walt... Walt: Hmm? Ida: These young people drove all the way up here to bring home some of Vanessa's things. Walt: Why didn't they just send them? Ida: What a thing to say! After they went to all that trouble. You must be so tired and hungry after that long drive. Come on in the house. I want to make you something to eat. (Liz, Tess, and Isabel enter the house. Walt comments to Max as he's entering) Walt: I guess you're the man in charge. (Inside the Crawford Residence) Walt: Did you take the 70? Max: No, the, uh, the 10. Walt: Ah, you don't wanna do that. Max: I don't? Walt: You wanna go over to Lordsburg, hook onto the 70, stay on that til you see the model reservoir sign, and that'll shoot you right on to Artesia. Ida: Walt, did you hear that? Walt: Hmmm. Ida: They came all this way for her service. Walt: Huh. Liz: Well, we felt like...like we should come. You know, the congresswoman, she was very...she was special...to all of us. Isabel: Like a mother. Ida: Really? (Isabel notices a boy who is peeking in at them. It's Nicholas, Vanessa Whitaker's brother) Isabel: Hi. Ida: Nicholas, there you are! Come on in here. Come on, say hello. Nicholas: No, ma'am. Walt: Nicholas! Ida: He took it real hard. He and his sister were very close. Max: Maybe we'd better just find a hotel. Walt: There ain't but one. Ida: All four of you? At that old Motor Inn? I won't hear of it! You're all gonna spend the night here, and then tomorrow we can go to the memorial service together. Liz: Are you sure? Ida: If Vanessa was like your mother, we're like your grandparents. We'll treat you just the way Vanessa would have wanted. Well, ok, let's eat up, there! Walt: Get you one of those crispy treats there. Ida: Yeah, and I made all those gherkins myself. The crispy treats and the... [SCENE_BREAK] (Michael and Maria are staking out the building across the street from Michael's apartment) Maria: This isn't gonna work. She's not just gonna stroll up to her hideout while we're sitting here watching her. Michael: This was your idea. Maria: That's not the way I remember it. Michael: Ok, so now it's my fault. Maria: Yes. You know what? Just to make things simpler, from now on you should consider everything to be your fault, ok? Ok. Michael: Well, I know one way to make the time go faster. Maria: Oh, funny. Michael: I know. Maria: But if we can talk reality here for a second, I think she booked. Out of town. Michael: No dice. She wouldn't do that. She's obsessed with me. Maria: Well, I guess that makes 2 of you, then, doesn't it? Michael: She'll show up sooner or later. Courtney: How 'bout sooner? (Michael and Maria turn around to see Courtney in front of them. Michael immediately goes into his energy blast pose) Courtney: Whoa! Hey, truce. Michael: Don't move. Courtney: Don't worry. I won't. You're watching the building. You figured out where I'd be from the pictures. That's very good, Mikey G. You're everything I thought you'd be and more. Maria: Oh, please! Do your lips not get chapped from all the ass-kissing? Michael: Sit down. Courtney: Anything you say. Michael: So you're a skin, like Whitaker. Courtney: How'd you get on to Whitaker? Maria: We're asking the questions here, ok? Now, why are you in Roswell? Where's the rest of your evil army? And most of all, why are you obsessed with my good-looking, if badly groomed boyfriend? Courtney: I'm not obsessed with him, ok? I follow him in the...political sense. Maria: Our leader? Courtney: We're not with the other skins. We're renegades who believe that if you were in charge instead of Max in the first place, that none of this would have ever happened. Michael: What are you talking about? In charge of what? Courtney: Our planet, Michael. You don't remember any of this, do you? Michael: Suppose you tell me. Maria: Yeah, the short version, please. Courtney: The short version...is that our planet was on the brink of a golden age, and then it all fell apart. You were the one who could have united our planet, pulled together the warring factions, brought peace. But you weren't on the throne. Michael: Max. Courtney: You wouldn't betray him. That loyalty cost your lives and those of everyone you loved. Please, just don't let history repeat itself. You're the one we need. You're our leader, our salvation. Maria: Michael, if you can hear me now over the sound of your rapidly inflating ego, could you please tell me that you do not believe what this...this Michael-worshipper here has to say? Michael: No...no...no way. No, this is just part of your plan to divide and conquer. Courtney: I knew you weren't ready to hear this. Michael: What's in Copper Summit, Arizona? Courtney: Copper Summit's just some old tourist trap. Michael: What's there? Courtney: I'd stay away from there. Michael: Why? Maria: Yeah, why? Courtney: Let's just say there aren't any Michael-worshippers in Copper Summit. (Tess is looking at an old picture of Vanessa Whitaker. She closes her eyes and tries to use her powers to glean some information, when Mrs. Crawford surprises her) Ida: Penny for your thoughts. Tess: Oh, sorry. Ida: Oh, it's all right. Tess: You must have been very proud of her. Ida: Very. Tess: Tell me about her. What was she like when she was my age? Ida: Oh, she was wonderful. Wonderful. (Outside, Liz is walking down the street. Max calls out to her and then runs up to her) Max: Liz! Liz, what are you doing? We agreed none of us would go anywhere alone. Liz: Fine. Max: Wait. Liz: Max, look. There's just...there's nothing left to say. Max: Except the truth. Liz: We have already been through this! Max: So far, all I know is what I saw, and what I saw can't be true, because it means everything I felt in my heart for the last year is a lie! Now, you owe me an explanation, and I want it right now! Liz: Please quit shouting, Max. You're scaring me. Max: That's a lie, too! You're not scared. You're hiding something. Liz: I'm not. Max: What the hell is going on with you, Liz? We never lied to each other, never kept a secret from each other. Liz: You know, you have got me up on this pedestal, Max, and...I'm not this perfect person. I made a mistake. Look, Kyle and I made love. The end. I'm sorry. (Max backs up and walks away without a word) (Isabel is organizing her stuff in a room when Nicholas stops by and peeks in) Isabel: Oh, Nicholas. Come in. I don't bite. Nicholas: This used to be her room. Isabel: I'm so sorry about your sister. Nicholas: I was gonna visit her in Washington next year. We were gonna spend 3 days just at the Air and Space Museum. Isabel: Did you get a lot of time with her, growing up? Nicholas: When she'd visit, she'd make time. She always told me there's this whole wide world out there. She didn't want me stuck in Copper Summit for the rest of my life. She used to tell me stories about this planet in another galaxy, how there was this war going on, like a revolution. Isabel: True stories? Nicholas: How could they be true? Isabel: Did she ever mention Vilandra? Nicholas: How do you know about Vilandra? Isabel: Vanessa told me some stories, too. (Tess walks in on their conversation) Tess: Hey. Oh, sorry. Nicholas: I have to go. (Nicholas leaves) Tess: I've been looking all over the house for you. I was worried. I just found out that Whitaker was adopted. Ida told me. Isabel: That means that Ida, Walt, and Nicholas could be human. Tess: Exactly. And the Universal Friendship League. It's supposed to be a civic organization, like the Elks. Ida says they've been handling all the arrangements for the funeral. She and Walt haven't even seen the body. Isabel: Because there is no body. Tess: Right, but as long as the League handles everything, nobody has to know that. What about the kid? Isabel: I don't know. You came crashing in before I had a chance to start a real conversation. (Michael, and Maria, and Courtney are on their way to Copper Summit) Courtney: This is a huge mistake. You're gonna get yourself killed. Michael: Yeah, well, that's my problem. Courtney: I didn't spend 50 years finding you so that you could throw your life away out of misplaced loyalty. Maria: 50 years. Courtney: Yeah, we came here in 1950. Do the math. Maria: So, what? That would make you 65, 70? You're old enough to be Michael's grandmother. I just...I love that. I do. Courtney: Hey, husks don't age. Maria: Husks? Courtney: Yeah, me. My skin...this thing that I'm wearing. It never ages. Maria: What is your point? Courtney: The point is, I've been a babe for 50 years. What are you gonna look like in 50 years from now? Michael: Would you two let it go? You're giving me a headache. Yeah, what the hell is a husk? Courtney: It's basically a shell. It protects us from the environment. Michael: Like a space suit. Courtney: Yeah. This planet's atmosphere is hostile to our race. The husks are a lifeform technology that we can genetically manipulate to resemble human bodies. Our relationship to it is essentially parasitic. Maria: Your skin is alive? Courtney: Like the trees are alive. Michael: So, what's with the peeling? Courtney: They're good for maybe 50 years. But the husks are dying. Michael: Well, if all the skins in Copper Summit are about to die, then all we have to do is wait them out. If the husks die, we're home free, right? Maria: Ok, what are you not telling us? Courtney: The harvest. (The next morning, Max, Isabel, Tess, and Liz attend the funeral service for Whitaker at the UFL) Tess: I don't get it. What's the point of putting on a big show like this? Max: That's exactly what this is. A big show. After this, there won't be any questions about what happened to Whitaker. (Isabel notices Nicholas hanging out at the doorway, staring at her) Isabel: I'll be back. Max: Isabel. (Isabel follows Nicholas to the back of the Stagecoach Museum. In the back, there is a row of bodies in glass chambers. They look exactly like the people at the UFL) Isabel: Nicholas? Nicholas: Hi. Isabel: Oh, God, Nicholas. Nicholas: I'm glad that you're here. (Nicholas motions with his hand and an invisible blast knocks out Isabel) Isabel: Unnh! (Isabel wakes up. She looks around and sees 2 rows of cultivating husks) Nicholas: Hello, Vilandra. It's been a long time. (At the URL, Max, Tess, and Liz walk up to the casket where Whitaker's body rests. Upon first glance, it really does look like Whitaker is there) Tess: Good-looking pile of dust. Liz: This just can't be possible. (Liz touches Whitaker's hand and a piece of it breaks off. Liz panicks for a moment, and then re-arranges the flowers so they cover Whitaker's hand) Max: Let's go. Greer: Friends, we are gathered here today... (Max, Tess, and Liz look around. All of the people in the UFL are scratching their necks, peeling off some skin. Max, Tess, and Liz attempt to make a calm retreat) Tess: Look, look. Greer: ...to remember our sister, Vanessa Whitaker... Liz: This place is crawling with them. Greer: ...she never sought fame and fortune, but when destiny called... Tess: There's no way they're going to let us get out of here. Greer: ...she answered the call of public servant. (Greer finds that Whitaker's husk has been cracked. He knows that Max and company know the truth) Greer: Leaving so soon? (The front doors close suddenly. Greer motions with his hand and Max, Tess, and Liz crumple to the ground) Greer: You mustn't be in such a hurry to leave us. It appears our long search for the royal four has finally ended. How convenient of you to deliver yourselves to us. Max: She's not one of us. Let her go. Ida: She's a human who knows too much. It's a darn shame, 'cause she's awfully cute. Greer: You must be the once and future king. And his bride. Tess: That's right. Greer: You won't remember me, but I remember you. This is a moment I've waited for a long time. (Greer shoots a yellow energy blast at Max, who counters with his green energy shield) Greer: How long do you think you can hold out against all of us? Max: As long as I have to. (Back at the husk facility) Nicholas: It's taken 20 years, nursing them from spores to maturity. Now, they're almost ready to harvest. Don't worry. You're safe here with us, Vilandra. Isabel: My name...is Isabel. Nicholas: For the moment. But when I looked into your eyes, it was Vilandra who looked back. Isabel: No. Nicholas: Your destiny is with us. With Khivar. He's waiting to hear that we've found you. Isabel: I don't even know... Nicholas: Who the hell Khivar is? The royal four. If only the people could see you now. Clueless teenagers groping for their own identities. You'd lose some of that legendary aura that's sprung up over the years. Isabel: What do you want? Nicholas: It's what you want. You just can't remember. I'm here to take you back to him, Vilandra. The leader of the rebellion. The man who currently sits on your brother's tarnished throne. The man for whom you sacrificed a kingdom. Your lover, Khivar. Isabel: No. (Nicholas motions with his hand and Isabel drops to the ground again) Isabel: Unhh! Nicholas: You're not going anywhere. You know, on our world, I was considered to be something of a ladies man. I even remember you giving me the eye now and again. But after spending 50 years as a teenage misfit, having all the women laugh at me, I've grown far less tolerant of the female s*x. Where's the granilith? Isabel: I don't know what you're talking about. (Michael, Maria, and Courtney arrive in Copper Summit and park outside the Stagecoach Museum) (At the UFL, Max is weakening under the strain of the skins' power against his energy shield) Tess: I can help. Let my strength flow into yours. (At the husk facility, Nicholas is standing over Isabel, who is kneeling on the ground) Nicholas: Where is the granilith? (The door opens. As Nicholas turns to look at the door, Isabel grabs a nearby pipe. When Nicholas turns back around, she whacks him with it) Isabel: Unh! Nicholas: Ok. Now I'm pissed. Isabel: Ugh! (Michael, Maria, and Courtney make a dramatic entrance. Michael knocks Nicholas to the ground with an energy blast. Maria and Courtney help Isabel to her feet and the girls make a quick exit) Michael: Get her out of here! Nicholas: And who do we have here? That gleam of dull stupidity in the eyes. If I'm not mistaken, you must be the king's second in command. I killed you myself in your last life. Ready to die again? Michael: Bring it on. (Back at the UFL, Max's shield collapses) Greer: Well, it's time for this little game to come to an end. (Back at the husk facility, Courtney swings at some kind of crystal with a pipe. The crystal breaks and the husk facility starts breaking apart) Nicholas: No! Courtney: Run! (Inside the UFL, Greer and the other skins suddenly weaken. They are linked to the husks in some way. Max, Tess, and Liz make a quick escape from the URL. They dash outside and run into Isabel, Maria, and Courtney, who have made a quick exit from the hidden husk facility) Max: What are you doing here? We gotta go now! Maria: Way ahead of you, boss. Michael...where's Michael? (Michael comes out carrying something in his arms. It appears to be Courtney's husk) Michael: Open the trunk! Maria: Is that what I think it is? Michael: Just drive! (The pod squad with Maria, Liz, and Courtney make their escape. The skins, led by Greer, make their way to the blown up husk cultivating facility) Greer: Huh...the husks? Nicholas: Destroyed. Greer: Well, that's the end of it, then. We're all as good as dead. Nicholas: We may be as good as dead, but this is not the end. (Episode ends with the skins standing solemnly in the blown up Stagecoach Museum)	Plan: A: the death; Q: What event caused Max and the gang to visit Congresswoman Whitaker's hometown? A: Arizona; Q: What state is Copper Summit located in? A: enemy territory; Q: What do Max and the gang find themselves trapped in when they learn the entire population are Skins? Summary: After the death of Congresswoman Whitaker, Max and the gang visit her hometown, Copper Summit, Arizona, where they find themselves trapped in enemy territory when they learn the entire population are Skins.
MUSIC IN: EXT. PORTSMOUTH DOCK - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (VOICES B.G.) TONY: (V.O.) This is so Usual Suspects! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PARKED CAR - NIGHT ZIVA: Tony, your dying words will be "I've seen this film." TONY: Gibbs even looks a little bit like Gabriel Byrne. ZIVA: Okay. Who is Gabriel Byrne? TONY: An actor who boards a mysterious ship like this one searching for Keyser Sose. ZIVA: Another actor? TONY: No. Keyser Sose is a character in the film who may or may not exist. ZIVA: I'm confused. MCGEE: So am I. And I saw the DVD twice. TONY: The Sound of Music confuses you, Probie. ZIVA: I love that movie! (SFX: ZIVA BEGINS TO SING) TONY: One note and I will lock you in a room and make you listen to "It's a Small World" for twenty-four hours straight! Do we understand each other? ZIVA: (MUFFLED) Mm-hmm. CRUZ: (V.O.) Okay, next! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CREW MESS - NIGHT (SFX: KEYBOARDING B.G.) MAHIR: Is something out of order? CRUZ: We have no record of Abog Galib ever entering the United States. MAHIR: So? GIBBS: His passport has Philadelphia entry and exit stamps. June of last year. MAHIR: Computer glitch? GIBBS: Or a forged passport. CRUZ: Hey!(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GALIB RUNS) (SFX: SHOUTING B.G.) (GIBBS CHASES GALIB THROUGH THE SHIP) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CREW LAUNDRY - DAY GIBBS: Hell, I thought we were going to do this without a chase. GALIB: I could not be arrested, Agent... GIBBS: Gibbs. GALIB: I had to speak to you alone. The situation has changed. The head of Abu Saif wants me to courier for him between Basilan and Pakistan. GIBBS: Bin Laden? GALIB: Allah be willing. Oh, sorry if I made you run. GIBBS: Oh, I'd chase you to hell if it lead to Bin Laden. GALIB: You only have to chase me off the ship. GIBBS: Has Abu infiltrated SeaLift? GALIB: They are about to. Our radio man, Pinpin Pula, is Abu Saif. Somehow, he got a billet on the Cape Fear. GIBBS: The Cape Fear's a SeaLift munitions transport. GALIB: She sails tomorrow to replenish Marine Expeditionary Strike Force Eight in the Red Sea. GIBBS: He plans to blow the Cape Fear when it's off-loading ammo to an assault ship. This will be as bad as Nine Eleven. GALIB: And just as terrifying. GIBBS: Galib, that's good work. GALIB: I will go off the stern. Fire a couple of rounds. Just do not hit me. Oh, my passport? GIBBS: I'll alert my team. Don't want them to shoot you.(SFX: FAINT VOICES B.G.) GALIB: Wait! Wait! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PARKED CAR - NIGHT TONY: He looks from the broken coffee cup on the floor. He looks to the photo on the wall. Looks... (SFX: HUGE EXPLOSION ON SHIP B.G.) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GURNEY WHEELS DOWN THE CORRIDOR) (INTERCUT DESERT STORM FLASHBACK SCENES) (SFX: MUFFLED VOICES B.G.) TOLLIVER: What do we got? PARAMEDIC: Blast victim. Superficial burns and abrasions. Pressure steady. TOLLIVER: Got a name? PARAMEDIC: Gibbs. He's a NCIS agent. TOLLIVER: All right, my count on three. One, two, three! Agent Gibbs! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MASH UNIT - DAY GELFAND: (MUFFLED) Gunny! Gunny! Gunny! Get him out of his gear! Let's go! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TRAUMA BAY - DAY TOLLIVER: G-C-S is less than eight. Let's intubate. Twenty milligrams of etomidate. A hundred of succinylcholine. NURSE: Right away. TOLLIVER: Skip the X-ray. Go straight to Cat Scan. NURSE: (V.O.) Call C-T. TOLLIVER: Come on, baby. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. DOCK - NIGHT DUCKY: Ziva, what happened? ZIVA: A bomb. One dead, one injured. You'll need body suits, tweezers and those um... suction things. DUCKY: Turkey basters. ZIVA: And many, many, many specimen jars. DUCKY: Do you hear that, Mister Palmer? JIMMY: Yes, Doctor. DUCKY: Here, allow me. ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) Toda. DUCKY: How badly is Jethro injured? ZIVA: Paramedics took him to emergency. DUCKY: Which hospital? Portsmouth? They have a level one trauma center at Portsmouth. ZIVA: I didn't ask. DUCKY: You didn't ask?! ZIVA: No, once the paramedics were on site, I had other priorities. The possibility of more bombs, a crew to detain, a crime scene to secure... DUCKY: Well, McGee and Tony will know. (BEAT) Oh Ziva, I'm not implying that you don't care. Listen, I know you care! ZIVA: I don't need reassurances, Doctor! DUCKY: Very well. But I just want you to know that I know-- ZIVA: Ducky, drip it! DUCKY: Do you mean drop it or zip it? ZIVA: Ah, American idioms drive me up the hall. DUCKY: Well, actually, never mind. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PASSAGEWAY - NIGHT CRUZ: One of the crew is missing. The radio man, Pinpin Pula. TONY: Put out a BOLO. DUCKY: Tony, any word on Jethro? TONY: Not yet. Portsmouth Trauma said to call back in an hour. DUCKY: Portsmouth. Good, good. CRUZ: I'll get out that BOLO. ZIVA: Do we have a suspect? TONY: Pinpin Pula. What kind of name is Pinpin? DUCKY: Filipino. In Tagalog it means "rice paddy dike." ZIVA: Don't say a word. DUCKY: I thought that was quite an accurate translation. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAITING ROOM - NIGHT SHEPARD: Condition of Special Agent Jethro Gibbs. WASHINGTON: Trauma One. No condition listed yet. You can't go in there, Director. It's restricted.... to medical personnel. SHEPARD: This isn't about turf, you know. WASHINGTON: Oh, I know that. It's about rules. And one really big one is, non-medical people cannot enter Trauma One....unless they're carried in. SHEPARD: Get me a gurney. WASHINGTON: (LAUGHS) That's good. Get me a gurney! Ha ha! I like that. SHEPARD: I left a dinner at the White House to come here. WASHINGTON: I'm impressed. Really, I am. That still doesn't change the rules. SHEPARD: I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to this. WASHINGTON: Shooting your way in? SHEPARD: Don't be silly. I don't have my weapon. WASHINGTON: Calling the President? SHEPARD: Now that would be overkill. RICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Hello? SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Condi? Jenny. RICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Any word yet? SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) No. I don't have his condition yet. RICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Well, why not? SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) The head nurse won't let me in to Trauma. RICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Let me speak with her. WASHINGTON: (INTO PHONE) Ethel Washington, Ma'am. (SFX: FILTERED VOICE B.G.) RICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Condoleeza Rice. WASHINGTON: (INTO PHONE) Yes, Ma'am. I understand. SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Thank you, Condi. (SFX: DOOR BUZZ) (DOOR OPENS) ABBY: ABBY: McGee said that Gibbs was in a bomb blast! He tried to sound really calm, but I could hear the fear in his voice. And he should be afraid! For Gibbs to be brought to a hospital in an ambulance, it cannot be good! I had to come see for myself. And my hearse got a flat - as usual - so I got in a cab to go the airport, and then I realized that by the time I got to the terminal, and I bought a ticket, and I went through security, and then I flew to Norfolk, and I got a cab here, it would be better just to sit in the cab that I was in. So I did that. It cost a lot of... you know, it doesn't matter what it cost because this is Gibbs we're talking about! I can't believe that he's hurt! He is never hurt. Not hurt enough to go to a hospital. He has to be dying to even go see a doctor! Oh, my god! He isn't dying, is he? I don't know what I would do! Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts. (CONT.) Okay, I know the rule is that you have to be family to go into Emergency, at least that's what they said when Uncle Charlie got his leg caught in a nutria trap. But Gibbs and me, we're tighter than blood! I know you need I.D. I have an I.D. in here. I work at NCIS. Forensics, and uh... ballistics, chemical analysis, and DNA typing. Uh... here. That's me. I promise. I just - I had to be in court that day. But I swear, that is me! (SFX: DOOR BUZZ) ABBY: You're a really, really good person. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PASSAGEWAY - NIGHT ZIVA: You're going to have to look in there sooner or later, McGee. MCGEE: I already did. ZIVA: Uh-huh. MCGEE: Ziva, I don't think I can go in there. ZIVA: McGee! MCGEE: I know. ZIVA: Don't let Tony smell fear or else he'll just-- TONY: Probie! I've got a special job for you. ZIVA: Too late! TONY: Bomb dog took point on Rice Paddy Dike's foot locker. Tag and stow it in the truck for Abby, would you? MCGEE: On it, Boss. TONY: I do love it when he calls me Boss. ZIVA: Is that why you're being nice to him? TONY: Nice?! I'm not being nice. Lugging foot lockers is probie work. All right, I cut the probie some slack. It's a bad day. ZIVA: Yes. A very bad day. TONY: What's the point of origin? ZIVA: A fifty five gallon oil drum. That twisted ring is all that's left of it. What is an oil drum doing in the laundry compartment? TONY: Ships clean and reuse them for storage. This one probably held dirty laundry. ZIVA: Very unsanitary. Fragments indicate a high explosive. Abby should be able to trace the taggant. TONY: Why's his head and torso intact when the rest of him's a slushie? ZIVA: Suicide bombers wearing an explosive belt look like this. Except there's always something left of their lower extremities. You see a foot? TONY: Not even a tootsie. ZIVA: A tootsie? DUCKY: A toe. Although in my generation, tootsie also referred to one's sweetie pie. ZIVA: Sweetie pie? TONY: Any word from the hospital? DUCKY: Jethro's critical, but stable. Then... he wasn't in here when the bomb detonated, was he? TONY: That corner. DUCKY: How did he survive? ZIVA: The washer and dryer shielded him from the main force of the blast. (SFX: RAINFALL) ZIVA: It's raining. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY (DOORS OPEN) TOLLIVER: He's suffered a concussion but there are no signs of intra-cerebral hemorrhaging. ABBY: He's going to be okay, though, right? TOLLIVER: He should be fine. ABBY: I don't want to hear should be! I want to hear will be! SHEPARD: Abby. ABBY: Should be is not positive. SHEPARD: Enough, Abs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ICU ROOM - NIGHT TOLLIVER: I want to see what's under the hood. Hold the sedation. And call me when he wakes. NURSE: Mm-hmm. TOLLIVER: I'm always positive, Ms. Sciuto. But with a concussion, until... until he wakes, no one knows what's going on inside his brain. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - FLASHBACK KELLY: I'll miss you, Daddy. GIBBS: We've said it all before. SHANNON: I want to hear it again. GIBBS: I will take care. I will come back safe. SHANNON: Not those words. GIBBS: I love you. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ICU ROOM - DAY (SFX: BEEP TONES B.G.) (PHONE RINGS) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Shepard. (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yikes! Agent DiNozzo here. Cynthia told me you stayed at the hospital. Is the boss awake? (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) I am, Agent DiNozzo. You have a sit-rep for me? (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) I do, Director Shepard. Crime scene's been processed. Evidence tagged. Remains are on their way to autopsy. Officer David and Special Agent McGee are questioning the crew. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) We have an I.D. on the suspected bomber. The freighter's radioman, Pinpin Pula. Filipino. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Suspected to be Abu Saif. BOLO's been issued for his apprehension. That is all I have to report, Ma'am. (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Agent DiNozzo. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Director? SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) I was out of line. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) You are the Director, Ma'am. You cannot be out of line. SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) Please. (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) I was bitchy. Let me apologize. I'm sorry. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) If I may state an opinion, Ma'am. SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Fire away. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Never apologize. It's a... (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) ... Sign of weakness. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Sign of weakness. SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) I was his partner, too, DiNozzo. I know all the "Gibbs-isms." (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Actually, he borrowed that one from the Duke. (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: John Wayne. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Said it to Joanne Dru in She Wore a Yellow Ribbon. (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Jethro's a lot like the Duke. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) I keep waiting for him to say... (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) That'll be the day. (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) He said that in Paris to me once when I told him that ... (LONG BEAT) when we were working together. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Shouldn't he be awake by now? (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) You know Gibbs. He keeps his own schedule. Do you know what REM is? (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Sure. Rapid eye movement. It happens when you're asleep and dreaming. (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) That's what it looks like he's doing right now. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Oh, well that's got to be a good sign, right? SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) If it isn't a nightmare. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. DESERT - FLASHBACK (MUSIC OVER MONTAGE OF FLASHBACK SCENES) (SFX: GUNFIRE) GUNNY'S C.O.: Gunny, they're both dead. I'm terribly sorry, Jethro. GIBBS: (SHOUTS) No! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OFFICER'S MESS - DAY MAHIR: How many times are you going to ask me the same question? ZIVA: No smoking. MAHIR: (IN TURKISH) Bitch! MCGEE: What'd he say? ZIVA: (IN TURKISH) Want to see this bitch take that cigar to your testicles? (MAHIR CHUCKLES) MCGEE: What'd you say? ZIVA: That I understood him. MAHIR: At least let my crew go ashore. They have been at sea for two months. ZIVA: (LAUGHS) Excuse me. You don't appear to be the kind of Captain who actually cares about the welfare of his crew. MAHIR: That's it! I want to speak to Turkish consulate! CRUZ: I can arrange that. MAHIR: Yes! CRUZ: If... if NCIS agrees. TONY: We do not. (SFX: CHAIR BANGS INTO THE WALL) TONY: Learn anything, Ziva? ZIVA: Captain Mahir knows more than he's telling. MAHIR: I know nothing. TONY: That's very Sergeant Schultz. MCGEE: Tony, how's the Boss? TONY: (AS SCHULTZ) I know nothing! MCGEE: That's not funny, Tony. TONY: McGee, it's the boss. He'll be fine. With me! (TONY WALKS O.S.) ZIVA: He'll be living off coffee next. MCGEE: Tony doesn't like coffee. (SFX: MAHIR SHOUTS) TONY: (V.O.) Why do you suspect the Captain? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. DECK - DAY ZIVA: He smokes expensive Havanas and wears a ten karat diamond. TONY: Could be zircon. ZIVA: Never doubt an Israeli about diamonds. Our Turk Captain likes money, the kind Abu Saif pays to transport weapons, explosives and terrorists. TONY: I'll flip you to see which of us takes the Captain in, and who visits Gibbs. ZIVA: I'll take him in. You don't speak Turkish. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Your observations, Mister Palmer. JIMMY: Well, fingerprints are out of the question. DUCKY: I was rather hoping for something other than the obvious. JIMMY: Well, we'll have to use DNA to... I guess that's rather obvious, too. DUCKY: Uh-huh. JIMMY: Uh... he was standing on the bomb. DUCKY: Better. Why standing? JIMMY: Well, it seems to be the only way to explain his entire lower body being vaporized. DUCKY: Why not sitting? JIMMY: Uh... whatever he was sitting on would have shielded his butt. DUCKY: Unless his buttocks was sitting on the bomb. JIMMY: Who would sit on an explosive? DUCKY: Someone who didn't know they were sitting on the explosive. JIMMY: Of course. DUCKY: I did it myself once. No twice. The first time I was young. The second time, foolish. JIMMY: Why were you sitting on an explosive, Doctor? DUCKY: I just told you I was young and foolish. Haven't you been listening? JIMMY: I was. I just... DUCKY: Specimen jar! Come on. If I'm not mistaken, Abby will find these to be fragments of the fifty-five gallon oil drum. I must ask Jethro... JIMMY: Should I take these to Abby now, Doctor? DUCKY: Soon as I've taken a tissue sample for DNA confirmation. JIMMY: Is that really necessary, Sir? DUCKY: No! No, it is not necessary! We could match his teeth! Is that what you'd prefer? (PAUSE) A wise choice, Mister Palmer. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ICU ROOM - DAY TONY: Coffee. SHEPARD: Coffee? TONY: Sure way to wake Gibbs. SHEPARD: Good idea. But, he's intubated. We'll have to use the IV. TOLLIVER: Uh, tell Miss Sciuto that I didn't abandon Gibbs. Chief Neurologist would have been here today anyway. SHEPARD: I'm sure she'll understand. TOLLIVER: I hope so. I like women with fire. TONY: Ah. So the dog collar and the tats had nothing to do with it? (TOLLIVER WALKS O.S.) SHEPARD: DiNozzo, does he look in pain? TONY: I don't know. I've never seen Gibbs show pain, Director. SHEPARD: Doctor, is he in pain? Doctor? GELFAND: Was this man a Marine? SHEPARD: Yes. GELFAND: Wounded in Desert Storm? SHEPARD: He has a Purple Heart. GELFAND: That's it! I treated him in Kuwait! TONY: Gibbs never told me he was wounded in Desert Storm. SHEPARD: Me either. I saw his Purple Heart. GELFAND: He was in a coma when we evaced him to Frankfurt. Now you talk about déja vu. SHEPARD: But is he in pain? GELFAND: Certainly not extreme pain. He may hurting, but the only way to know is for him to tell us. TONY: Why not give him painkillers just in case? GELFAND: I want him to wake up. An opiate would only deepen his coma. SHEPARD: I've just never seen Jethro look like this. GELFAND: I have. That's why I remembered him. That's the expression he had in ninety-one. It's more anguish than pain. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CEMETERY - DAY (MONTAGE OF FLASHBACK SCENES) KELLY: I want to gallop, Daddy! SHANNON: No, Kelly. GIBBS: Ah, let her go, Shannon. SHANNON: Jethro... (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY TONY: (INTO PHONE) I've got a better chance of hooking up with Jessica Alba than these guys do of infiltrating SeaLift. Every sailor has to go through a series of stringent security checks to be issued a special ID. STEVENS: (ON MONITOR) A hundred and ten civilian crews, DiNozzo. Abu Saif only needs to slip a man in one. TONY: (INTO PHONE) If Galib knew who that was or the name of the ship, why'd he run? Why didn't he just let us arrest him as planned? Give us the intel and then continue undercover to Gitmo. STEVENS: (ON MONITOR) Either he didn't know, but was close to finding out. Or he was on to something big that an NCIS arrest would jeopardize. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Well, what's bigger than blowing up one of our ships? STEVENS: (ON MONITOR) Blowing up a port. Ever hear of Port Chicago? TONY: (INTO PHONE) No, but I saw the TV movie. Michael Jai White is this guy who had - I see your point. STEVENS: (ON MONITOR) Good. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Is there any intel on the crew, especially this Pinpin Pula guy? We need his photo for a BOLO. STEVENS: (ON MONITOR) We took surveillance photos of the crew when they were docked in Istanbul. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Great. STEVENS: (ON MONITOR) If Galib had intel on Abu's plans, did he have time to tell Gibbs? TONY: (INTO PHONE) Maybe. They were together when the bomb went off. STEVENS: (ON MONITOR) Galib was a good agent. Let's hope Gibbs comes out of this coma in time. TONY: (INTO PHONE) He will. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAFETERIA - DAY GELFAND: I ordered another CAT scan on the off chance that he hemorrhaged since the last one. I think it's unlikely. SHEPARD: So why are you doing it? GELFAND: Covering my ass. SHEPARD: You don't strike me as the ass-covering type, Doctor. GELFAND: You know, I dislike this Doctor, Captain, Director formality. I'm Todd. SHEPARD: Jenny. GELFAND: The truth is, Jenny, I'm puzzled. Gibbs took a long time to come out of the coma in ninety-one. SHEPARD: You followed his case after he left Kuwait? GELFAND: Not until today. From Frankfurt, he was air-vaced to Bethesda. They faxed me his hospitalization records. He was in a coma for nineteen days. SHEPARD: My god! GELFAND: That's not terribly unusual. But the tests weren't typical of someone who was in a coma that deep. I mean, his CAT scan didn't reveal any cerebral damage. His E-E-G was normal. It's the same as now. SHEPARD: How do you explain that? GELFAND: Sometimes patients don't seem to want to wake up. Any reason why Gibbs might be one of them? MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CAT SCAN ROOM - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: BEEP TONES) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. BEACH - FLASHBACK (MONTAGE OF FLASHBACK SCENES) AGENT FRANKS: This NIS Agent driving was hit with a head shot. Your wife and daughter died in the crash.(SFX: GUNSHOT) KELLY: Mom's got one! GIBBS: Not as big as ours! KELLY: It's bigger, Daddy! SHANNON: Wow! AGENT FRANKS: Pedro Hernandez, the drug dealer your wife saw kill a Marine. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - NIGHT MCGEE: Abby? ABBY: I'm in here. MCGEE: What are you doing? ABBY: I'm worrying.(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) MCGEE: Me, too. You guys can just set that right there on the floor. Thanks. (SFX: FLATULENCE) (SFX: GIGGLING) ABBY: What's the matter? Never heard a girl fart before? MCGEE: Guys, that was the hippo. ABBY: Are you sure, McGee? MCGEE: Yeah, because you sound more... feminine. ABBY: Like a hippo cow? (SFX: BEEP TONES) ABBY: What aren't you telling me? MCGEE: What do you mean? ABBY: You have that three little pigs look. MCGEE: What? ABBY: The three little pigs. They were afraid to open the door because the big fat wolf was outside. MCGEE: I have no idea what you're talking about. ABBY: Whoa. This is definitely going on my wall. ZIVA: I should be a professional photographer. ABBY: The Director hasn't called. ZIVA: About? ABBY: About? Gibbs? ZIVA: Oh! ABBY: She didn't call you, did she? ZIVA: No. ABBY: 'Cause you know the way you're acting, you might have just, I don't know, forgotten to tell us! MCGEE: Ziva, do you notice anything different in here? ZIVA: No music. MCGEE: That's it. No music. You know, you usually play music in here. ABBY: What if those were Gibbs' guts smooshed all over that room. ZIVA: Oh, for God's sake, Abby. They're not. ABBY: I said, what if they were!? ZIVA: The color would be more coffee brown than red. (SFX: ABBY AND ZIVA SLAP EACH OTHER) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: His skull was shattered when the explosive blew him against the overhead, as if he were fired from a cannon. TONY: The oil drum. DUCKY: Precisely. Now don't ask me what our guest was doing in an oil drum, sitting on a bomb because I haven't the foggiest. TONY: Hmm. No other explanation? DUCKY: Well, none that would explain these remains. TONY: I need a positive I.D. on this body, Duck. DUCKY: Well, DNA tissue is in Abby's capable hands. How's Jethro? TONY: Still out. The Director's with him. DUCKY: I'd best get down to Portsmouth. TONY: Not until you finish the autopsy. And while you're at it, why don't you ask your guest what he was doing sitting on an oil drum on a bomb. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: You sound like Gibbs. What were you doing in that oil drum? Hmm? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) (TONY AND MCGEE COLLIDE) MCGEE: Oh, boy! Tony, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry, Tony. (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ELEVATOR - DAY TONY: Hate the sight of blood, Probie? Too bad.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) MCGEE: Oh, boy. TONY: Handkerchief. MCGEE: I don't have one. TONY: Whatever you came to say better be pretty damn important. MCGEE: Abby slapped Ziva, and Ziva slapped her back. TONY: Damn! I missed it! All right.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Assemble the team including Abby. MCGEE: Abby? (PAUSE) Right. (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) INT. BATHROOM - DAY (RUNNING WATER) DUCKY: (V.O.) Which hospital? Portsmouth? You didn't ask?! Oh, Ziva. I'm not implying that you don't care. ABBY: (V.O.) The way you're acting, you might have just, I don't know, forgotten to tell us. What if those were Gibbs' guts smooshed all over that room? GELFAND: (V.O.) I don't have an answer. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY GELFAND: His EEG is normal. His new CAT scan is normal. How well do you know Gibbs? SHEPARD: He was my mentor at NCIS. He taught me most of what I know. (DOOR OPENS) GELFAND: Yet you're his boss. SHEPARD: Jethro's a great field agent. He's a great team leader. And he deals more efficiently with difficult politicians than I do. GELFAND: Well why isn't he the... SHEPARD: He shoots them. GELFAND: So you didn't know him when he was wounded in Desert Storm? SHEPARD: No. GELFAND: He seems to be repeating that trauma, a coma he doesn't want to wake up from. In the morning I'm going to try to find the neurologist who was on his case in ninety one. SHEPARD: Well, why wait until the morning? Forgive me. GELFAND: Yeah. SHEPARD: I'm... just tired. GELFAND: I can arrange a cot for you, I'm sure. SHEPARD: No. I have been away from my office far too long. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NURSES' STATION - DAY SHEPARD: I'll find someone who knew Jethro back then. GELFAND: That'd be helpful. SHEPARD: Here are all my numbers. And my cell. GELFAND: I'll call you with an update at zero-nine-hundred, earlier if he shows any signs of waking up. It was good to meet you, Jenny. Not under the circumstances, of course. But ... good nevertheless. (SHEPARD WALKS O.S.) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. LIVING ROOM - FLASHBACK (BEGIN MONTAGE OF FLASHBACK SCENES) GIBBS: Cover your eyes! KELLY: I've seen you and Mommy kiss! GIBBS: Oh, this is scary kissing. KELLY: Like kissing a frog? GIBBS: Cover up!(MONTAGE OF FLASHBACK SCENES CONTINUING) FRANKS: Much as I'd like to, I can't tell you where the bstrd's hiding, Gunny. GIBBS: I didn't ask you to, Special Agent Franks. FRANKS: I'm going to take a leak. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - MORNING (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ZIVA: Pay up, McGee. Hey! TONY: In a bet on me, I collect. Abby! Front and center. You too, Ziva. Let's go! I know what happened. ZIVA: Look, she slapped me and I was just slapping her-- ABBY: (OVERLAP) Ziva slapped me and I -- TONY: Hey! If there's going to be any bitch-slapping on this team, I'll do it. Clear? Good. Now shake hands. Shake. There we go. That wasn't so tough, was it? And how about a little hug. Big buddy hug. Come on. There we go. Come on. Now a deep tongue kiss. (ABBY AND ZIVA PUNCH TONY) TONY: Oh! Now we feel better. All right, what do you got, McGee? MCGEE: We've got Singapore's surveillance photos on the Bakir Kamir crew. ZIVA: Make me hard copies, McGee. Captain Mahir will identify Pinpin Pula for the BOLO. MCGEE: What makes you think he won't lie? TONY: Abby. ABBY: Um... the taggant traces on the metal fragments were Semtex from the Czech Republic. Khadafi, before we bombed him, was handing out Semtex like taffy to any terrorist with a sweet tooth. TONY: That eliminates my washing-machine malfunction theory. DNA results? ABBY: They should be in by now. TONY: What are you doing here? ABBY: Um... somebody called a conference. MCGEE: You don't think that's Galib in autopsy? (BEAT) He wants to be sure. ABBY: I've asked Tel Aviv if Captain Mahir is a blimp on their radar. TONY: Blip. ABBY: DNA confirms the body in autopsy is NCIS Agent Abog Galib. TONY: Okay. Any hits on the BOLO? MCGEE: Too many without photos. LEOs are calling in reports on every Filipino sailor in the area. TONY: Did you run them down? MCGEE: Tony, there's two hundred and fifty thousand Filipino sailors. It's more than any nationality in the world. The way the reports are coming in you would think that they're-- TONY: Hey! I don't want to hear how tough it is, McGee. I want you to run them down! MCGEE: Stop playing Gibbs! There! You're doing it right now! Ziva, will you help me out here? ZIVA: It's true, Tony. You're even getting a little grey around the... around the temples. ABBY: You're not Gibbs, Tony. TONY: You're right. Acting like Gibbs doesn't make me the boss. Being senior agent does. So if drinking coffee, staring or whacking the back of your head helps me lead this team, live with it! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ICU ROOM - DAY BALIAD: Good morning, Agent Gibbs. The rain stopped. It's going to be a beautiful day. (SFX: BALIAD GASPS) DUCKY: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I'm Doctor Mallard. I overheard you talking and I thought he might be awake. BALIAD: I always talk to my patients. DUCKY: Me, too. BALIAD: Are you a neurologist, Doctor? DUCKY: Medical examiner. BALIAD: Oh. DUCKY: Mine never wake up, but still I talk to them. (BALIAD WALKS O.S.) DUCKY: DUCKY: Well, Jethro, I'd have been here sooner only DiNozzo insisted I finish the autopsy on Agent Galib. It's fascinating. I mean, the poor man was literally blown out of a barrel. (CONT.) It reminded me of when my mother and I visited her brother Carkin in the little town of Clagolaky. Yes, Carkin worked at the cooperage where they make all the casks for the various distilleries. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY MAHIR: Are you Turkish? Perhaps your father or grandfather was Turkish? Before they come to America? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM TONY: Can you see Ziva as a belly dancer? He brought it up. MCGEE: Why? Because he asked if she was Turkish? TONY: From Russia with Love. Bond is ordered to Turkey to steal the Lector machine from this beautiful, I mean, is there any other kind in a James Bond movie - defecting Russian double agent, Tatia Romaniva - played by Daniela Bianchi. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM MAHIR: Greek. You are Greek? Greek! That's why you hate me. ZIVA: I am not Greek. MAHIR: Greek Cypriot! It would explain your understanding Turkish and hating me. ZIVA: I doubt Cyprus has a liaison officer in the U.S. But... you are getting warm. MAHIR: Liaison? ZIVA: From the French word "lier" which means to bind. In this case, bind NCIS and Mossad. MAHIR: (IN TURKISH) God help me! ZIVA: (IN TURKISH) Too late, Captain. (IN ENGLISH) I have your dossier. Another French word. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM TONY: Dean Keaton! That's it! Dean Keaton is the name of the character Gabriel Byrne plays in The Usual Suspects. I knew it would come to me. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM MAHIR: I am not a terrorist! I did not smuggle weapons into Palestine. I swear it. ZIVA: Or Hamas suicide bombers into the port of Ashdod? MAHIR: Mossad blames me for that, too? ZIVA: And much more. MAHIR: Now look, I am not a terrorist! No Wahabi! I fight no Jihad! ZIVA: You profit from it, you swine! And for that, you should die! (BEAT) Fortunately for you, Captain Mahir, Politique Pratique has suspended Israeli reprisals against all but terrorists. And you say you are not terrorist. MAHIR: I swear by God! ZIVA: Convince me. (SFX: ZIVA SPREADS THE PHOTOS) ZIVA: Pinpin Pula. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM TONY: Lisa Guiraut plays one of those belly dancing women. Very hot. She'd be a grandmother by now. MCGEE: Oh, wait a second. Okay. Ziva looks like her, which is--? TONY: Shh! Pay attention, Probie. Ziva's about to get a photo for the BOLO. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ICU TRAUMA ROOM DUCKY: Winning the Scotsman Chess Trophy was the highlight of my Lower Sixth year. I didn't compete in Edinburgh. No, no. I was too distracted by this we-- GELFAND: It is impolite of me to eavesdrop, Doctor Mallard, but I was fascinated by your story. Nurse Baliad told me your name and your specialty. I'm Doctor.... DUCKY: Doctor Gelfand. Chief Neurologist. Yes, the Director told me. GELFAND: Ah. Well, how is our patient? DUCKY: Still comatose, I'm afraid. GELFAND: Were you aware that he was in a coma for nineteen days during Desert Storm? DUCKY: No. GELFAND: He never told you? DUCKY: Well, Jethro doesn't talk much about the past. I consider us to be close friends, but I know very little about his life before we met. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: BEGIN MONTAGE OF FLASHBACK SCENES (MUSIC OVER MONTAGE OF CENTRAL AMERICAN FLASHBACK SCENES) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. DIRT ROAD - FLASHBACK (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TRUCK DRIVING) (SFX: GUNSHOT) (SFX: GIBBS SHOUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TRAUMA ICU - DAY (SFX: GIBBS BOLTS UPRIGHT FROM THE BED/ GASPING) GELFAND: You're in a hospital! Relax! DUCKY: Don't fight it, Jethro! GELFAND: Relax. Relax. You're all right. Can you blink?! All right. Raise your thumb. Raise your thumb. Good. Good. Do you want the tube out? All right. All right. Hold still. Hold still. NURSE: Okay, relax. GELFAND: Okay, breathe. You're fine. NURSE: That's it. GELFAND: I am Doctor Gelfand. This is Nurse Baliad. BALIAD: Maria. GELFAND: Of course you know Doctor Mallard. DUCKY: He calls me Ducky. Welcome back, Jethro. Yeah, we've all been a bit concerned. You shouldn't frighten us like this. GELFAND: You have a question? GIBBS: (GASPING) Where am I? GELFAND: You're in Portsmouth Naval Trauma Center. You were in an explosion. NURSE: Relax. Cover your face. GIBBS: I remember. GELFAND: Good. Very good. Most people never remember the trauma. GIBBS: I... I don't know him. (MUSIC OUT) TO BE CONTINUED....	Plan: A: A bomb; Q: What explodes as Gibbs contacts an undercover government agent? A: a suspicious foreign ship; Q: Where was the undercover government agent that Gibbs was contacting on? A: flashbacks; Q: What does Gibbs have in his coma? A: Shannon; Q: What was the name of Gibbs' wife? A: Kelly; Q: What was the name of Gibbs' daughter? A: his wounding; Q: What does Gibbs remember from Desert Storm? A: the investigation team; Q: What team does Tony become the temporary head of? A: Pinpin Pula; Q: Who is the missing crew member of the ship? A: Abu Sayyaf; Q: What group is Pinpin Pula suspected of being a member of? A: no memory; Q: What happened to Ducky when Gibbs awoke from his coma? A: Ducky; Q: Who is in the room with Gibbs when he wakes up from his coma? Summary: A bomb explodes as Gibbs contacts an undercover government agent on a suspicious foreign ship, killing the agent and placing Gibbs in a coma, in which he has flashbacks of the murder of his wife Shannon and daughter Kelly many years earlier, and his wounding in Desert Storm . Meanwhile, Tony becomes the temporary head of the investigation team as the group attempts to track down Pinpin Pula, a missing crew member of the ship, suspected to be an Abu Sayyaf member. The episode ends with Gibbs awakening from his coma with no memory of Ducky, who is in the room with him.
[Dawson's Room - Gretchen and Dawson are playing 'Life', the board game.] Gretchen: Whatcha thinking? Dawson: Uh, nothing. Just... Joey. Uh, she and Jen got on a train for New York a couple hours ago. Gretchen: Don't they have school in the morning? Dawson: No. No, they don't. It's ditch day. Gretchen: You know, the night before our ditch day, me, Alice, Carol, Ted, and Bobby were sitting at my house, and we didn't have anything to do. So we got in our car and we just started to drive south. We drove all night, all day, all the way to the Virginia state line, got out of our car, looked around, turned back, and drove home. Dawson: I've never done anything remotely like that in my entire life with anyone. Gretchen: Why not? (Dawson grabs her hand and pulls her off the bed and down the stairs.) Wait, what are we doing? What about Life? I was about to retire in style. Dawson: We're gonna abandon Life for a little while. We're gonna get in the car and drive. Gretchen: Whoa, Tex. I wasn't making a suggestion, just basking in a nostalgic impulse. Dawson: Doesn't matter. It's exactly what we need. Gretchen: Why does this sound like a Bruce Springsteen song? Dawson: It is, exactly like that. It's epic and--and romantic and crazy and perfect. Plus, I don't think we have a choice 'cause it's not enough just to recognize your fears. Gretchen: Well, it may be enough for right now. Dawson: No, it's--I can't wait. Time is running out. I mean, don't you feel it, at least a little bit, the absolute urgency of this moment? (he kisses her) Come on. [Therapist Office - Jen sits on the couch talking to Frost.] Frost: You're very quiet today. Jen: I know. I'm sorry. Frost: Don't be. Tell me what's on your mind. Jen: It's not important. Frost: We'll see. Jen: You know the song 'Sweet Jane'? Frost: 'Sweet Jane' Cowboy Junkies? Jen: Mmm, it's Lou Reed, actually. Um, the Cowboy Junkies covered it a few years ago, but that's the one. It's stuck in my head. I used to really love that song. Learned it by heart. [Train Station - Jen and Joey are walking through the station in New York.] Joey: So, did I perhaps mention my list and schedule of destinations I will be visiting in this city while you are at your boring college meeting? Jen: Several times. Joey: Ok, so I figured out precisely when and where we need to split up and get back together for dinner at 8:00 if we gotta make the train at 11:00. Jen: You are flirting with maniacal, sweetie. Joey: Well, do you know where the admissions office is at the University of New York? Jen: Yeah, I'm sure we'll figure it out. Joey: Well, don't you think we better get heading downtown in order that you have plenty of time to find it in the maze that is Greenwich village? You don't want to be late. This is a very, very fast-paced city. Jen: I'll try to keep up. [Capeside High - Pacey sits in a classroom by himself studying when Drue walks in with a cup of coffee.] Drue: Witter. What the hell are you doing here? It's ditch day. Pacey: Well, I heard you'd be here, Drue. And far be it for me to miss out on even the smallest morsel of your flamboyant wit. Drue: Thank you. The administration has kindly informed me that, uh, given my questionable attendance and disciplinary records, that participation in potential ditching would result in failure to graduate. So I told them to stick it. Pacey: And yet you're still here. Drue: Funny how that works. Yeah. They called my mother. Pacey: Look, Drue, I have this quiz right now, and it's really more of a test than a quiz. He just likes to call them quizzes. I also have a lot of studying to do, so- Drue: So what do you say? After this quiz of yours, whence our attendance is duly noted, you and I blow off afternoon classes and we go get dangerous? Pacey: Boy, that sounds real tempting, but no. Drue: Witter. Sometimes... you just got to say what the hell and live a little. Pacey: Yes, but, you see, I have this test today, and then I have another test tomorrow that's twice as big. Drue: Ouch. Hate to be you. Does make you wonder, though. Pacey: Wonder what? Drue: What it is Joey's doing at this moment as you rot away in academic prison. [Coffee Shop - Jen and Joey walk in.] Typo: Jen Lindley? Jen: I'm so glad you're here. Typo: Ohh! Ha ha ha! Princess of Soho, love of my life. (they hug) Jen: Look at you. What did you do to your hair? Joey, this is Typo. Typo, this is Joey. Joey: (smiling) Typo. Jen: You happen to be looking at one of the very best people in a city of 12 million, not to mention the future of the expressionist movement. Typo: She knows that flattery will get her everywhere. So what brings you two ladies to the city? Jen: Well, uh, Joey's taking care of me. She's my keeper. Typo: Well, you always needed one of those. Jen: Hey! She's also just never seen New York. Typo: Never? What kind of young lady's never been to Manhattan? I can't imagine where you buy your clothes. Jen: Ok, come on, sit down for a second. I want to know everything about everyone. What's everybody doing? Who's married? Who's pregnant? Anyone die? Typo: We're all still here. Some we don't see so much anymore. I still try and meet Ben and Monica for lunch at Barney Greengrass on Wednesdays. Jen: Today. Today's Wednesday. Typo: I know. Joey, I cannot wait to show you this place-- Joey: Jen, aren't we forgetting about that meeting you have with the admissions guy from the University of New York? Typo: You're applying to the University? Jen: Oh, actually, I got in. I just gotta go meet the guy. Typo: Baby, is it possible that we're gonna get you back? Jen: I'm contemplating it. What do you think? Typo: Dumb question. Joey: Well, I can't believe it. I mean, it's so far away from where we live, Jen. I mean, honestly, I can't believe there is even any debate about whether or not you wanna go back. Jen: What about that thing that they always say, though, you know, that you can never really go home again? [Capeside High - Pacey sits in the classroom as other students start to straggle in. A teach walks in before them.] Teacher: Mr. Witter. My favorite and only senior. Far as I know, all the college acceptance letters have officially been sent. How are your options? Pacey: They are narrowing by the minute, sir. Teacher: Well, relax. This quiz is the first quiz of the rest of your life. [On the Road - Dawson and Gretchen are driving a Jeep when they get a flat tire. Dawson pulls over and they get out of the car to examine the flat.] Gretchen: Whoops. Dawson: Well... this happened. Gretchen: That's it? That's all you have to say? After 6 hours on the road? "This happened"? Aren't you supposed to have a spare? Dawson: Supposed to, yeah. Have? No. I gave it to some kid who needed a ride home. Gretchen: Well, I'm excited. I mean, this is exactly the kind of unforeseen complication that makes trips like this an adventure and not just an excursion. (she kisses him) Dawson: What was that for? Gretchen: Inspiration. And now I'm gonna go use my body to hitchhike us a ride. But you better hide, 'cause nobody's gonna pick up a babe and her boyfriend. Dawson: You know what? I'm not so crazy about the hitchhiking idea. Gretchen: Why not? Dawson: You ever see the hitcher? Rutger Hauer? Gretchen: Mm-hmm. Dawson: Just trust me, we'll regret it. Gretchen: Ok, well, what, then? Dawson: Uh... (he sees a sign to the next town, 6 miles) walking distance. (Gretchen groans) Come on, you're up for adventure. [Capeside High - the bell rings and students begin passing their tests forward. Pacey continues to work, until the teacher finally comes around to collect his test.] Teacher: Mr. Witter? (Pacey sighs and hands him the test.) [New York - Jen and Joey walk through the street.] Joey: Jen, um, what did they say the name of the admissions guy was? Jen: Uh, Thomas, uh, Stevenson--ton. Joey: Because you said Steve Thompson the last time I asked, and the time before that you said Thomas Stetson. Jen: One of those. I--I forget. Joey: You don't have a meeting at the University of New York, do you? (Jen looks at Joey like she's busted.) What are we doing here? Jen: I gotta see my dad. I've just been thinking about things lately, why things are the way they are, and, uh, I think I'm just not gonna know until I see him. But you should take in the city. You only got one day and you got so much stuff to see. And I'm, you know, I'm gonna be fine. Most likely. You just got to meet me at 8:00 in front of the Mercer hotel for dinner, ok? Joey: You were paying attention to my schedule. Jen: Be careful out there. Joey: I feel like I'm not gonna see you again. Jen: You will. (Jen walks off in the opposite direction) Joey: (she thinks about it, then turns around to catch up with Jen) Yeah, I will. Jen: What? Joey: I'm coming with you. I'm your keeper. (they walk off) [City - Gretchen and Dawson make it into the city, which very much looks deserted.] Dawson: Is it just me or does this seem eerily like the Twilight Zone? Gretchen: There anyone here? Dawson: Uhhh-huh. Hello? Is anybody here? Irv: Hello there. How goes it? Gretchen: That must be Irv. Irv: That's me. Irv of Irv's garage. How can I be of service to you two today? Dawson: Well, our tire blew out about 6 miles down the road. Irv: Son, this is your lucky day, ain't it? I've got some tires in stock. Dawson: Great. We'll take one of those. Irv: Be my pleasure. Dawson: And, uh, a ride back to our car. Irv: Oh, boy. Now there we've got a problem. The only vehicle I got to take you there is my truck here, Eleanor Roosevelt, and unfortunately Mrs. Roosevelt's taken ill. See, she's got a busted carburetor. I'm the only one here to do any work all alone and it'll be most of the day before I get her up and running again. Dawson: Well, what if I helped you fix the car, you drive us back to our flat. I'd like to learn something about Eleanor Roosevelt. Irv: That is the most generous thing I've heard all week. Thank you, son. Now, you just step in there. I'm gonna show you the secrets of an automobile. Come on. You see, this here is the air filter. Gretchen: All right, uh, you guys have fun. There's nothing better than a man who smells like motor oil. I'm gonna find us something to eat. Dawson: Ok. Irv: W-what's your name, son? Dawson: Dawson. Irv: All right, now, this is the air filter, Dawson, and right down there is the carburetor. [Jen's Dad's Office - Joey and Jen step out of the elevator and stand outside the doorway to the office.] Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jen, Jen! Look... After urgent realization and revelation, you travel all the way to New York city to see this man, to confront him about something in what I'm feeling will be one of the seminal moments of your entire life. I've been there... at least close enough to know that it only happens once, so you'd better take a second to think about what that's gonna be. Jen: Ok. [Capeside High Cafeteria - Pacey sits alone trying to put ketchup on his fries. He overhears some students talking.] Girl: So how about we talk about that quiz? Boy: Piece of cake. Never even broke a sweat. So you think you aced it? Girl: Oh, no problem. It was so easy. I didn't even study last night. You think his next one's gonna be as easy? Boy: Yeah. (Pacey looks across the cafeteria at Drue, who also turns to look at Pacey. Pacey gives him a nod to the side and Drue nods back.] [Office Bathroom - Jen is washing her hands while Joey leans against the counter. Jen seems to be crying.] Joey: Jen, what happened to you? Jen: God, I used to hate Capeside. When I was a little girl, like 12, I-- god, I just hated it. And I know it sounds ludicrous now, but it was because of my Grams. I was totally petrified of her. So whenever my mom would want us to go visit, I'd just... I just completely didn't want to go. Um, and there was-- there was this one time, it was a Friday, and, um, we were supposed to go up there for the weekend, just me and my mom because my dad had all this work to do, and I just complained and--and fought with her in the cab all the way to the station. And we get to the platform, and for some reason, I still don't know why, but she just turned to me and said, "Jen, you don't want to go? Fine. Stay here. Go home and be with your father." And I just remember, um, being shocked that--that I'd won. That instead of going to Capeside I got to go spend a whole weekend with my dad. Heh! I really loved my dad, but-- (a woman walks in. Jen stops and looks at Joey. They grab their things and walk out.) [Diner - Gretchen walks into a coffee shop/diner and walks up to the counter. An impatient looking waitress moves to take her order.] Gretchen: Hi there. Waitress: What do you want? Gretchen: (she flinches) Uh, let me have a tuna-- Waitress: We're out of tuna. Gretchen: Ok. Uh, how about the chicken salad-- Waitress: We're out of chicken salad, too. Gretchen: Egg salad? Waitress: Nope. Gretchen: What do you have? Waitress: Beef. Gretchen: Roast beef? Waitress: Sort of. Gretchen: Ok, uh, I guess I'll take 2 of those, (the waitress walks off and Gretchen calls after her) and can I get a couple of Cokes? Waitress: (over her shoulder) Pepsi. Gretchen: Right. [Office - A secretary walks into Mr. Lindley's office.] Secretary: Excuse me. There are 2 young women here to see you, and one of them is saying she's your daughter. (he has no reaction, but motions his fingers as if to let them in. Jen and Joey walk in and Mr. Lindley immediately looks happy.) Mr. Lindley: (attacking Jen with a hug) Angel, I am so glad you're here. Jen: Hi, dad. Mr. Lindley: (to Joey) Hello there. You a friend of Jennifer's? Jen: Yeah, this is Joey Potter from Capeside. Mr. Lindley: Joey Potter from Capeside, a pleasure. Joey: Nice to meet you, Mr. Lindley. Mr. Lindley: Please call me Theo. Tell me what brings you and my daughter to Manhattan. Joey: Well, I've never, uh, been here, and Jen was... Jen got accepted to the University of New York. Mr. Lindley: Donna? Secretary: (walking in) Yes? Mr. Lindley: My daughter was accepted to the University of New York. Secretary: Congratulations. Mr. Lindley: Cancel the rest of my day and make reservations for 3 at the Westside Grille in 30 minutes. Jen: Dad, you don't have to-- Mr. Lindley: My daughter was accepted to college. Doesn't even matter which one. That's a big event in any father's life, huge even. It's way more important than some lame business meeting. We're gonna celebrate. [Bar - Drue and Pacey walk in. People are playing pool and drinking.] Pacey: Mos Eisley. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious. Drue: (to the bartender) Hey, mack, did you miss me? Bartender: You, Gilbert? Always. Pacey: Gilbert? Drue: Shut up and take this. (he hands him a fake ID) Pacey: Uh, look, Gilbert, this is a picture of a short, balding Asian man in his 40s. He's not exactly what you call my doppelganger. Drue: Are you kidding? That guy could be your twin brother. Besides, they don't even look at the picture in this place. They don't even really care. They just want to see something. (they take a seat at a table) Waitress: (walking up) Hi. Who's your friend, Gilbert? He got an I.D.? (Pacey hands his ID to her) David Kebo of Rhode Island? What can I get you, Dave? Drue: Can we get 3 rounds of your finest tequila, (handing her a credit card) and I'd like to start running a tab, please. Thank you. (she walks off) My father's idea of a birthday present. Creative, isn't it? Pacey: When was your birthday? Drue: You know why I brought you here, Pacey? Pacey: Uh, because you didn't want to drink alone. Drue: Well, yeah, but there's more. The bar that we're sitting in right now, the big Ace Saloon, lies in the shadow of your local community college, which as I understand it, is becoming an increasingly likely alternative for you. Heh! Yes. Pacey: You know, man, when I was in school today I just couldn't help but feeling that the place is getting a little lonely, you know? I mean, everybody's gone. Drue: It was ditch day. Pacey: Well, I know. Look, I don't think I'm ready to have this conversation yet with anybody and especially not with you. Drue: That's fine. I just thought that you should see this place, you know. But, hey, despite the stigma of failure and loss, we're surrounded by good people, you know, smart people, people of substance. (their drinks come) Let's toast, shall we? Pacey: Mm-hmm. Drue: To the future. (they toast and down their shot of tequila) [On the Road - Irv is driving Dawson and Gretchen back to their car.] Irv: And my grandpappy had this car, big car. You understand back in those days a car like that was a precious commodity. Gretchen: Still is. Irv: Yeah. You're right there, little girl. Now, I'm gonna get yours all fixed up and then you two lovebirds'll be on your way. Where you headed? Dawson: Uh, hard to say, Irv. It's hard to say. Irv: Anyhoo, grandpappy and me were heading through Texas-- Gretchen: Irv? Irv: What's that, dear? Gretchen: How much is this gonna cost us? Irv: Cost? You mean money? Dawson: Gretchen, that's not really a polite question. Irv here is doing us a tremendous favor-- Irv: 60 bucks. Dawson: Excuse me? Irv: 60 bucks for the tire, then another 20 bucks for the ride here. Dawson: Honey, give him the money. [Side of the Road - Dawson and Gretchen are leaning into the window, as if he's just kicked them out of his car.] Dawson: Ok, I'm confused. Didn't I just spend all morning helping you fix your truck? Irv: Yes, you did, Dawson. That was mighty nice of you, and you're gonna make a crackerjack mechanic, boy. Crackerjack. Dawson: But you're not gonna help us? Irv: Of course I can't help you when you don't have any money. Dawson: What about generosity? Irv: Good luck to you two lovebirds. (he takes off) Dawson: Well, that happened, too. [Westside Grille - Jen, Joey and Mr. Lindley are taking their seats at a table.] Mr. Lindley: (pulling a seat out) I got it. (to the waiter) Hey, Henry, how's it going? Let me get a glenlivit on the rocks, splash of water. I want to get your best Shirley temple for my daughter, and whatever Ms. Josephine potter would enjoy, and I'll tell you what else, Henry, tell him that we're here. He'll know what to make. Jen: Dad? Mr. Lindley: Yes, sweetheart? Jen: (long pause) Eh, uh, nothing, nothing. I forgot. Joey: Mr. Lindley, she's too modest to say it, but Jen was accepted to 5 out of the 6 colleges that she applied to. Mr. Lindley: Honey, that's fantastic! That's really excellent. See, when I applied to school, I was only accepted at one, you know. Princeton. But it made the decision-making process a lot easier. Joey: Well, Jen has a lot of choices. Mr. Lindley: She also has impeccable judgment. So, what about you, Joey? You know where you're headed? Joey: Uh, I think I'm headed to Boston. Mr. Lindley: Oh, jeez! What about New York? This whole city is an education and an inspiration. What do you think about that? Joey: I don't know. I think it's kind of big. Mr. Lindley: Big? Yeah, no kidding it's big. It's the biggest city in the country. Even though the island itself doesn't have that much space. But it's amazing, you know, I have lived here for 30 years, and, uh, it still continues to surprise me every day. Joey: How? Mr. Lindley: How what? Joey: How does it surprise you every day? Mr. Lindley: Good question. A city like New York where everything's moving all the time at this constant driving pace, right? It's like a living organism breathing and changing, and over time your relationship to it becomes like this incredible romance, you know? At first, it's intoxicating, irresistible, and then slowly it becomes comfortable and safe. You have this cellular connection to it, as if you've known each other forever, like your oldest happiness, and sometimes you're on the outs, and sometimes you're making up, and every now and then you catch yourself in this transcendent moment where you think to yourself, "oh, my god, I'm madly in love with you, and I always will be." And I think that's when it surprises me. Joey: Whoa, that's a good answer. [SCENE_BREAK] [Side of the Road - It's night time and Dawson is pacing in front of the car while Gretchen sits on the hood.] Dawson: I can't think of anything. Gretchen: Well, that's just too damn bad, isn't it? Dawson: Please? Gretchen: (laughing) I'm sorry. I love traveling with you, but I simply cannot give you your sandwich until you figure out a way to fix this situation and get us moving again. It's a perfect opportunity for you to rise to the occasion. Dawson: You know I'm starving. Gretchen: Mmm. I can imagine. You haven't had your beef sandwich, and did you know Willowby was famous for their beef sandwiches? Dawson: Ok, we'll walk back into town, call my parents, have them wire us money. Gretchen: Ok, first of all, do you have any idea what it means to wire money? Dawson: I--I've seen the commercials. It's the fastest way to send money. Gretchen: And second of all, how did your experience of Willowby so radically differ from mine to the point you believe they actually have a 24-hour Western Union? Dawson: Gugggh! [The Bar - Pacey and Drue are now playing poker with some other patrons.] Pacey: Hand over those dollar bills, boys, you're playing with daddy now. Bartender: How you boys doing? Drue: Quite well. Bartender: You having a good time? Drue: Mighty big fun, mack. Mighty big fun. Bartender: Dave? (Pacey doesn't answer) Dave! Pacey: Yeah. Yeah, Dave. Bartender: You're from Rhode island, right? Pacey: Yes, I was born and raised in Rhode island. Bartender: Hey, me, too. What brought you to my establishment? Pacey: I was in search of, you know, good folks, good fun, and you, sir, have plenty of both. Bartender: Well, thanks, dave, I appreciate that, really, but, um, that's not really what I meant. What I meant was what highway brought you from Rhode island to my establishment? Pacey: Uhhh, that-- well, we took the Chesapeake highway down to the Sam Adams turnpike, and then from the Sam Adams turnpike you just--you get onto Clayton road, you take that south-- Drue: You know what? You have to excuse my friend Dave right now. He's a little drunk and-- Bartender: Your $100 bill is spent, Gilbert. And Dave? I don't know any of those names. Pacey: Well, that's too bad. (he stands up next to the bartender) You calling me a liar? (Pacey and Drue start busting up!) [Westside Grille - Mr. Lindley walks back to the table with his cell phone, as if he just got off the phone.] Mr. Lindley: Ladies, I just got some bad news. It's nothing serious, but I have to head back to the office to take care of some stupid business stuff. Um, I'd love to stay, but you know. Go ahead and order anything more you want. Joey, I know that your taste buds have yet to be satisfied. It's all paid for. Henry will take care of you guys. (handing a wad of cash to Jen) I want you to take your friend out and show her an amazing night in New York, ok? Show her some magic. (kisses Jen on the cheek and she flinches but he doesn't notice) Joey, you're never gonna find a better tour guide than my daughter. She knows this town better than anyone. It's great to meet you. Joey: It was nice meeting-- Mr. Lindley: (rushing away from the table) Jennifer, I love you. You get more beautiful all the time. Uh, I'll see you around. Have a safe trip home. I'll call you. [Rooftop - Jen and Joey walk out onto a rooftop of a building. You can see practically all of New York from there.] Jen: (pointing off) So, below us is Wall street. World Trade Center, Tribeca, lower eastside, Soho, Washington Square Park, Flatiron, Union Square, off on the distance that's Midtown, Rockefeller Center, the theater district, Radio City, and, uh, the Empire State Building. God, I do love this town. Joey: So this is New York city. Jen: No. This ain't the half of it, and it is so much better up close. Joey: Yeah, but still, Jen, I mean, thank you. This blows my mind. You blow my mind. Jen: Aw, thank you. Thanks for coming with me today. I needed you. Joey: I know. (long pause) Hey, Jen? Jen: Yeah? Joey: What happened after your mom left you on the platform at grand central station? Jen: Um... I--I spent that weekend wandering around the city, just walking by myself. Joey: Where did you sleep? Jen: For the first night, I slept in the parking lot of this office building that I always used to pass on my way to school. Um... next night, I fell asleep in the V.I.P. Room of, um, this club called... heh! Purgatory? Ha! And the last night, um... I slept in the dorm room of this guy that I met at a bar. Joey: And why didn't you go home to be with your father? Jen: I did. Uh, I have to go. Joey: I know. Jen: I'm sorry. Are you gonna be ok? Joey: Hey, I'm gonna be fine. Are you gonna be ok? Jen: Yeah. Yeah, maybe for the first time. Joey: I feel like... Jen: What? Joey: I still feel like we're not gonna see you again. Jen: We'll see. Joey: Jen, the train leaves at 11:00. Make it. I mean, we need you back there. (Jen smiles and walks off) [Beach - Dawson and Gretchen sit on a blanket on the beach in front of a little fire.] Gretchen: I take back every obnoxious thing I've said. Dawson: Ever? Gretchen: No, just today. Dawson: Why? Gretchen: Because you built a fire. That's a lot more than most guys I've been with could do. Out of driftwood and--and twigs and, you know, only using wet matches. I'm impressed. Dawson: That's what 3 years of boy scouts will do for you. Gretchen: It's extremely sexy. Dawson: How sexy? (they start kissing) Gretchen: Wait a second. First you gotta tell me what's going on with you. Dawson: Ok, uh... today is--is a perfect example. It's a perfect example of how our visions for our lives conflict with realities. I still have my distortions and my delusions. I still think that everything should be perfect, and that Joey and i should have slept together for the first time. What I realized is that I gotta let go. You know, I-- it's time. And there's so much ahead of me. I mean, there's college, there's--there's this new baby... and there's you. Gretchen: So what are you saying? Dawson: I'm in love with you, and I no longer remember what we're waiting for. Gretchen: Neither do I. (they continue to kiss) [Lindley Residence - Jen walks in and finds her dad asleep in an armchair.] Mr. Lindley: (waking up, groggy) Jennifer? Jen: I took a cab here. Mr. Lindley: What? Jen: And all the way I had these visions of--of coming in and announcing that I wasn't going to Capeside. Mr. Lindley: What are you talking about? Jen: You'd smile, and we'd-- we'd go for a walk Mr. Lindley: It's really late. Jen: And I came up the stairs, I unlocked the door, and I put my bag down, and I didn't hear anything, so I thought maybe you weren't there. Mr. Lindley: I was just resting. I'm awake now. Jen: And then I he-heard, um, something. I heard a voice, a whimper, very far away. And then I heard it again. And that's when I recognized it. I--I knew that it was Annie. Mr. Lindley: Who? Jen: Annie Sawyer. She lived in the apartment downstairs with her parents, and she was probably the age I am right now. She was my favorite person in the whole world. Mr. Lindley: And she was in our apartment? Jen: You were having s*x with her. But you were careless. You left your bedroom door open, and I could see in from the hallway. I could see through the opening. It was-- Mr. Lindley: Jennifer, you need some help. Have you talked to anyone about this? Jen: And I backed down the hall, and I went down the stairs, and I slipped out the front door, and I disappeared onto Fifth avenue in a big crowd. It was after that that things started to get really bad, didn't they? Mr. Lindley: You have imagined in great detail something that never actually happened a very long time ago. Jen: Dad... who are you? Mr. Lindley: I'm your father. Jen: You knew, didn't you? Oh, god, all this time. My life got uglier and messier, and then you sent me away. You--you made me feel ashamed. You-- you punished me for all these things that were beyond my control. You saw me standing in the doorway. Ohh! And you never said anything. I wasn't-- Mr. Lindley: I didn't-- Jen: No. I don't need a confession from you. That's not why I came here. I don't need you to apologize to me for all the pain that you've caused me, and I don't have to forgive you. All I have to do is forgive myself for these things that I can't change. Good-bye, daddy. [Cop Car - Pacey sits in the back and Drue is vomiting outside next to it. Doug pulls up and gets out of the car.] Doug: What do you got, man? Officer: Picked him up for drunk and disorderly. You know the drill. Pacey: (getting out of the car and approaching Doug) So what are you gonna do, Doug? Arrest me? Doug: I should. More I'm just curious. Pacey: About what? Doug: You're not satisfied with being a moron and failure. You gotta add drunk to your list of credentials? Pacey: (getting angry and attacking Doug) What? This is it for me! (Doug tries to hold him off, but more like a hug.) This is my whole life right here! This is all I get. Doug: Pacey-- Pacey: Get off of me! [Beach - Dawson and Gretchen are making out.] Gretchen: I want to make love to you so much. So much. And I really believe that that was why we came here, but it's not. I guess just as much as I want you and I love you, we're not gonna do this. Dawson: Why not? Gretchen: Because when we go there, it's not gonna be because you have something to prove to yourself. It's gonna be because we love each other, and because we're prepared to show each other what that really means. [Montage - 'Sweet Jane' plays as the scene flashes through stages of everyone's lives at the end of the night. Pacey and Drue in the back of the squad car. Joey is at the train station, searching the crowd for Jen. Jenb is in the cab, crying. Dawson is asleep on the beach. Gretchen sits up crying. Pacey arrives home and finds his books open. He glances at himself in the mirror. Last call at the train station. Joey continues to wait until she finally sees Jen in the crowd. Jen walks up and they hug. Joey talks her hand as they walk towards the train. Jen is back in her therapist's office.] Jen: So it was good. I needed to go back, and I did, and now I'm done. I got what I needed. Frost: You know you're not done, not even close. We just opened this door. We're only just starting to make sense. Jen: No, I'm finished. Frost: Jen-- Jen: Tom, I get it. I do, and I appreciate it, and I'm really glad that we could do this, but... I don't have anything else to say. I'll see you around. (she walks out of the office)	Plan: A: senior ditch day; Q: What day does Joey go to New York with Jen? A: Joey; Q: Who is excited to accompany Jen to New York? A: Jen; Q: Who finally talks to her father for the first time since she left Capeside? A: a college meeting; Q: What is the reason for Jen and Joey's trip to New York? A: Capeside; Q: Where did Jen move to after she saw her father in bed with another woman? A: another woman; Q: What did Jen see her father in bed with before she moved to Capeside? A: Gretchen; Q: Who takes a road trip with Dawson? A: frustration; Q: Why do Pacey and Drue go to a bar? A: a bar; Q: Where did Pacey and Drue go when they were the only seniors in school? A: The night; Q: What ends in disaster when Pacey is arrested for public drunkenness? Summary: As senior ditch day arrives, Joey is excited to find herself accompanying Jen on an excursion to New York under the guise of attending a college meeting. It isn't long before Joey sees that they are there for an entirely different reason. Jen finally talks to her father, for the first time since she left for Capeside. She witnessed her father in bed with another woman before she moved to Capeside, and that her attitude towards men and herself has been harmed by what she saw. Meanwhile, Gretchen and Dawson take off on a road trip. Back in Capeside, Pacey and Drue find themselves the only seniors in school. Out of frustration, they head for a bar. The night ends in disaster, however, when Pacey is arrested for public drunkenness.
Nellie: Have you seen Darryl? Erin: He's around here somewhere. Nellie: Mmm. [exits, Erin smiles deviously] [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Yeah, Darryl's here. So is Santa Claus. It's just a regular Thursday. [checks for anyone around] Neither guy is here. And, it's Friday. Welcome to me and Darryl's world of lies. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Nobody knows it yet, but Darryl already started working in Philly. So now, he has to sneak out of here like the sneakiest little sneaky-sneak you ever saw. And I'm his helper. It's so fun. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [as Darryl descends stairs, Erin ascends carrying a giant teddy bear] Darryl. Meet... bear... ull. Darryl: How much did you pay for that? Erin: Nothing. Won him at the carnival. Spent a ton on tickets, though. Drive safe. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Everybody knows I go to Philly. I've just been using sick days I saved up. But, Erin was so excited about being sneaky-sneaks, I went along with it. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [exiting Darryl's office] Ha, ha, ha! Darryl, you are too much! [to Phyllis] That guy's hilarious. He's here today. [giant teddy bear is viewed in Darryl's office] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I've really been putting in the hours on this mural. And my boss is totally OK with it, because he's in the Bahamas and has no clue what anybody is doing. I'm usually very self-critical. I hate what I paint. But, I don't know, this time I feel like it's, um, it's really coming together... [sees mural] Oh my god! [camera pans to mural with butts painted over it] Wha? You've gotta be kidding me! What it... are those... are those butts? [to warehouse crew] Huh? No way. No way! [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Excuse me, everyone. Is it OK if I leave early from work today? It's Phillip's first birthday and the senator and I are hosting a party at our house. Erin: Aw, cute! So there'll be a bunch of kids. Angela: No. No children. Our house is not kid-friendly. Most of our furniture is sharp. Also, ew. It will mostly be campaign donors. Kevin: Angela, I am prepared to donate a whopping... [pulls cash from wallet] 8 dollars to Lipton For America to have an invitation... Angela: No, no, please. You know, actually, none of you could even really make the cut for this thing. Which I am so sad about. Oscar: [undertone] Angela. You're going to find out, so I thought I'd let you know that, uh, Robert invited me too. Angela: What? Oscar: He said he wanted me there for support. Angela: I'm his! His... wife. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Angela's husband and I are in love. But, as a politician in this town, you still need the conventional blonde wife on your lawn signs. He is risking everything to have me there today. [laughs] Me. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [on phone with Robert] We agreed that you wouldn't be seen with him in public. It's humiliating for me. Well, if you get to bring a stud, maybe I do too. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [in Darryl and Jim's Philly apartment] Hey. Darryl: Hey. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: We are splitting a sublet on a place near Philly. Darryl: Just a couple of grown, sexy-ass roommates. Jim: And, as much as I miss Pam and the kids, it's, uh, kinda nice to live the bachelor life again. You know, let your hair down. Darryl: Jim was nice enough to give me his bedroom. Jim: I'm couching it! Darryl: Which usually means there's clothes all over the living room. Jim: And this dude labels his food. He's the clean one. And, I'm the messy one. How much fun is this? Darryl: I love Jim. I love that he hooked me up with a job. It's just, he uses old t-shirts as wash rags. He doesn't wash his dishes. Apparently, they need to [quote-unquote fingers] soak... He hooked me up with a job. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [ascends on lift, using megaphone] Attention, everyone. Can I have your attention, please? Yeah, I don't know everybody's name down here, but whoever did this will you please raise your hand. [no one replies] Hello? This is not over. OK? I will stay up here all day if I have to. Is that what you want? [descends on lift] Yeah, I will also come down if I want to. It's my choice. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I don't demand justice often. I'm not like Angela, who calls a lawyer every time someone watches a YouTube video of animals doing it. But, someone should get fired over this, right? Val's no help. Andy's gone. Jim's out. I just feel like I'm on my own here. [boom microphone bumps her head, she smiles] I mean, OK, not completely on my own. But, in terms of people who can do something. Thank you, Brian. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. So, Wade wants to send people to the Sloan conference. We gotta compile a list of our target clients. Darryl: Already on it. I ordered them by their Google trend ranking so we know who to hit first. Jim: [to camera] Who is this guy? We are killing it. Darryl: Yes sir. [notices Jim's using his coffee mug] Jim: Yeah! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [entering office] Conference room. Everybody. Now! Dwight: You don't have the clearance to call a conference room meeting. Pam: Yes, but David Wallace does. And he asked me to gather everyone to talk about stuff... That's gonna be revealed once we're in the conference room for the meeting. Dwight: You're telling me, David Wallace asked you to call a super secret, classified conference room meeting? Pam: Yeah. Dwight: Let's go everyone. Super secret, classified conference room meeting, now! Pam: [to everyone in conference room] I have terrible news. Someone defaced my mural. They painted all over it. Erin: I thought that's what you were doing. Pam: Yeah, but this is different. Erin: Oh. They used worse paint than your paint? Pam: I don't think so, but they put paint where I didn't want paint. So... Erin: I thought you wanted paint on the whole thing. Pam: Different colored paint. I wanted different colored paint in the spots where they put their paint. So, it just is... OK, the point is, these warehouse guys are vandals. And, they need to be stopped. Meredith: Yeah, and somebody had the balls to put my phone number on the men's room wall. Which is so messed up. It's 6782 not 83. Creed: Uh, 6783's also a good time. Less mileage. Oscar: Pam, what can be done? Pam: Yes. Thank you. Let's answer that question. Oscar: I was politely saying nothing can be done. I thought I was clear. Pam: What? Come on guys. We need to figure out who did this and punish them. This isn't just about me. This is about all of us. This is our mural. Don't you see? How much we worked on this? How much time and energy? We put our heart and soul into this thing. Phyllis: David Wallace called this meeting? Pam: Sure did. I was as surprised as you, but apparently, he is very passionate about public art. Pam: [as everyone begin to leave] No, no. Come on, guys. Don't go. Dwight: Pam, I'll help you. Pam: You will? Dwight: If there's anything I hate worse than art, it's crime. Pam: Thank you. Nellie: I am in too, Pam. Pam: Yeah? Nellie: Yes, of course. I believe in you. I believe in your art. And I am bored. Pam: Great. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I was hoping for a righteous mob, and I ended up with Dwight and Nellie. But, they both have a mob mentality. And, I'm pretty sure Dwight has a pitchfork in his car. Dwight: [enters quickly] You need my pitchfork? [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [approaches Dwight as he leaves] Hey! Dwight: What is it? I have vengeance to exact. Angela: Exciting news. There's room for one more at my son's birthday event. And, I want you. Dwight: Ah, I'm not interested. Angela: What? Wait. The state transportation secretary will be there. You could sell your beet salt idea to the highway people. Dwight: If I get the deicing gig, it's not gonna be on merit. Not because I played politics. [exits] Kevin: Hey. So, a little birdie just told me that Dwight can't come to your son's birthday. So, do you want me to go with you? Angela: No. Kevin: OK. I understand. I'll just stay here, then. Alone with the money. Angela: Aw, crap. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [in warehouse] I am handing out pieces of paper. On which, you will draw one human butt. What I do with said drawings, is no one's business but my own. Frank: You're gonna to compare 'um to the butts up there. [gestures mural] Dwight: Incorrect. It is my fetish. Oh, also, sign them. My fetish is signed drawings of butts. Glenn: I'm not drawing a butt. Nellie: All right then, they're bottoms. Uh, we should ask you to do big, rounded Ws. Dwight: Yes. Or nipplous breasts. Perhaps. Val: OK, OK. I think it's time to get back to work. Come on, fellas. Let's go. Dwight: Or melons. Like cantaloups. With the halves are cut off. And then, just the bottom parts... Nellie: Well, this is getting us nowhere. Pam: We need another approach. Um, we need to fine the weakest one and separate him from the group. [they notice Nate struggling with a box] Yeah. I think if we could get Nate alone, we could crack him. Dwight: We just need a pretense to talk to him. We could tell him that his mother is dying. That usually works on him. [holds up phone] Nate. Your mother is dying. [Nate reacts with grief] Pam: See, I feel bad about that. Dwight: It's all right. It's all right. [SCENE_BREAK] Nate: So, she's gonna pull through again? [all nod] That's great. Can I talk to her? Dwight: No. She needs her rest again. Nellie: Now listen. Now that we have got you here, let's talk about this mural business. Dwight: You know who the vandal is. Now, I know a lot of these warehouse guys are your friends, but we've got chewing gum. Nate: Gum's gotten mintier lately. Have you noticed? Like, some of it's just too minty. It's like they're literally trying to hurt... Pam: [interrupting] Tell us who defaced the mural! Nate: [points at Warehouse Worker Frank] He did it. Pam: All right. You can go. Give him his gum. Dwight: There's no gum. There never was any gum. Nate: [leaving] That's really rude. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [at Phillip's party] Opening with pub pastries? That's a bold play. They're saying, it's only gonna get better from here? Good luck. Oscar: [noticing a portrait of Angela on the wall] That painting is just... How can anyone that weighs less than a guinea hen be so terrifying? Party Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Senator and Angela Lipton. [guests applaud] Senator: Thanks, everybody. Thanks for coming. Phillip had no idea he was so popular. Angela: [laughs] Oh, Robert, you're horrible. [to other guests] Simon, Maxine. [sarcastically] Who let you guys in here? [SCENE_BREAK] Athlead Employee: [points to Jim and Darryl] This is the team. Jim: Nice job, man. Darryl: You too... Darryl. Jim: [confused] What? [Darryl points at his thermos Jim has been using] Oh, man! I'm sorry about that. Darryl: It's cool. Reading's tricky sometimes. Jim: Oh, um... Are you really mad about this? Darryl: That's my go-to thermos. That's all. Jim: Oh. It's your go-to therm. Oh, man. That's a bummer. I'm sorry about that. Darryl: No big deal. No big deal. Jim: No, no. If it's a big deal, it's a big deal. Darryl: Nah, nah... Jim: No big deal. Darryl: [as Jim empties thermos into trash] Nah, nah, nah. You don't have to do that. Jim: Honestly, I don't mind. [long, awkward pause until thermos is empty] Did you want me to wash it for you or... Darryl: I don't know. You gonna wash it? Or you gonna let it soak? Jim: [after tense pause] OK. Here ya go. [roughly hands Darryl his thermos] Darryl: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: So, Frank. Do you have any thoughts about what was done? By you? Pam: [to Nellie] Maybe, maybe I could, could get the ball rolling. [Nellie nods] Um, Frank? Hi. Pam. Um, I am so sorry if I've done anything to offend you. I'm sure it isn't easy for you guys to have an upstairs person coming down in your space. So. Truly. If, if, I apologize. But enough about me. Your turn. Toby: [Warehouse Worker Frank remains silent, picks ear] You sort of deserve an apology here. Frank? Frank: I'm sorry I didn't like your crappy doodles. I drew a butt. Big deal. Butts are funny. Pam: Well, I didn't think that butt was funny. Frank: Well, maybe if you got the stick out of yours. Pam: What was that? Frank: You know what? You people can't fire me. So, screw you. [exits] Pam: Whoa! Hey! That is not OK. What are you gonna do about that? Toby: Uh... it... compliment... Nellie: The first 'sorry' sounded sincere. Toby: There were two or three 'sorry's in there. [mumbles along with Nellie] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: That sucked. He didn't apologize. There's no talking to that guy. Dwight: Oh, your little feelings party didn't work out? Huh? Who won the hugging contest? Oh, let me guess. Everyone tied for first. Pam: We should just take him down. Dwight: Wait. Are you saying... Pam: I'm saying we should go scorched earth on that guy's face. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Normally, I find Pam to be a comforting, if unarousing, presence around the office. Like a well-watered fern. But, today, she has tapped into this vengeful, violent side. And I'm like, wow, Pam has kind of a good butt. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: He messed with something that was important to you. We need to mess with something that's important to him. Pam: Yes! Dwight: A little eye for an eye action. Pam: Yes! Dwight: Go all Hammurabi on this clown. Pam: We need an infiltrator. Dwight: I know just the man for the job. [looks at Clark] Pam: Clark? Dwight: He even looks like a mole. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: One of his tee shots can wipe out a whole owl population. Party Guest: You two seem very close. Senator: Yes. We're good friends. Good friends. Oscar: Yeah. Senator: You know, I suppose that may ruffle a few feathers. For a long time, our party has turned it's back on the Hispanic people. Well, that is not who I am. [puts arms around Oscar] I am a friend of the Latino community. And if you ask me, it's time we bid bigotry hasta luego. [guests laugh] Now, does my embrace of Hispanics make me more electable? Given demographic trends? I don't know. And I don't care. What I care about is Oscar. [slaps Oscar's cheek] My friend. Mi amigo. Oscar. [guests applaud as he hugs Oscar] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Maybe I should be insulted that he only invited me here to be his token Mexican friend. But, he could of invited any number of Hispanics that he knows. His gardener, Rogelio. Or he could've invited... Rogelio. But, he chose me. Rogelio's Malaysian... The son of a bitch is Malaysian. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Oh, hey. Jim: Hey. Darryl: I usually watch TV during my lunch breaks. It's cool? Jim: Yeah. Totally. Darryl: All right. Jim: [after Darryl eyes him drinking from a thermos] It's mine. Don't worry. Darryl: I didn't say anything. Jim: I don't think you had to. Darryl: Excuse me? Jim: I think you might be going a little crazy with this labeling thing, man. I mean, you put your name on a five pound bag of flour. Are you honestly saying that if I needed flour I couldn't use that? Darryl: What you need flour for, Jim? Jim: That's not the point. Darryl: What? You making bread? Jim: No, I'm not making bread. Darryl: What kind of bread you making? Pumpernickel? Jim: Darryl, it doesn't matter. I think you know the point I'm trying to make. Darryl: All right, I'm being a jerk. You got me this job. I should be grateful. I am, I just... you know, I get finicky about my stuff. That's all. Jim: It's all good. Are we all good? Darryl: We good. Jim: What's that cooler? Darryl: Nothing. [pulls out a can of soda] It's mine. [Jim shakes his head] [after looking through DVR] What happened to my Tavis Smileys? Jim: Oh, crap. Were those yours? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [pulling Clark across the parking lot] I never want to see you working in the upstairs office again. Do you hear me? Clark: Well, my only crime was loving the local sports teams and trying to be one of the guys. Dwight: Silence. You'll now be working in the warehouse with the untouchables. Now, go make your hands rough with work. Clark: OK, boss. [quietly] Pam, you know this is ridiculous, right? Like you're smarter than this. Pam: Shh, shh. Clark: This is never gonna work. Pam: Shh. Remember your lines. Clark: What lines? Dwight: Go move some paper! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [to Darryl on phone] Hey, you know that guy Frank who works in the warehouse? Darryl: He's not my hire, but I know who he is. Pam: OK. What does he like? What's important to him? Does he have like a favorite pair of boots or a lunch box or... Darryl: What? Is he retiring? You getting him a gift or something? Pam: Yeah, something like that. Darryl: I know he loves his pick up truck. Pam: Oh, great! [to Dwight] His truck! Dwight: Great. Get the plate number. Pam: OK. [to Darryl] Do you know the plate... never mind. Why would you know that? And why would I be asking that? Dwight: So we know which truck to van... Darryl: Hey. While I got you on the phone, your husband's like a sloppy, homeless hobo. Can you fix that? Pam: Yeah. I was kinda hoping you could. I gotta go. Bye. [to Dwight] Come on. [camera pans to Clark duct taped to a chair] [SCENE_BREAK] Party Photographer: Hold on a second. Uh, Sandeep? Let's get you closer to the senator. Just about there. Great. And, Oscar? I'm gonna need you to step a little closer to the senator, as well. Somewhere there. Angela: He's blocking me. Senator: It's only a photo, honey. Party Photographer: [to party waiter] Excuse me, uh, what's your name? Party Waiter: Sean. Party Photographer: LaShawn. Great. You wanna be in a photo? Right this way. [notices overweight man following] Not you. No. Oscar: He put me here. Angela: He put you right in front of me? Party Photographer: Let's just wheel Margaret right in front... Oscar: Ow! Robert?! Senator: Angela. Party Photographer: Smile. [Angela attempts to get in front of Oscar as pictures are taken] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm done. What are you... Is that supposed to be my mural? Dwight: Yeah. Frank draws a butt on your mural, I'm drawing your mural on Frank's truck's butt. Eye for an eye, mamacita. Pam: Aw, Dwight. That's really sweet. Dwight: Let's see yours. Pam: Oh, no. Um, I, I'm embarrassed. It's stupid. Dwight: This is amazing! Frank! And he's leaving a trail of poops? Pam: Yeah. And he has saggy boobs. Dwight: I saw that. That's great! Pam: Yeah. I feel better. Dwight: Good. I'm glad you feel better. This has been a wonderful day. I have to say, I like hanging out with a vengeful bitch. Pam: I know. You miss Angela, don't you? Dwight: Ugh! Don't sympathize. You're ruining the mood. Back to work. Draw his pen1s. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I got back at Frank in the most fitting way possible. With my art. The paints are water-based. It's gonna come off with a hose. But, I think the lesson will last a very... Frank: [exiting building and approaching Pam] Lady! My truck? You had no right! Pam:No, you had no right! Frank: It's a $40,000 truck! Pam: So? You started it! Frank: So? So someone need to shut you up! [attempts to attack Pam] Brian: Hey, hey, hey! [knocks Frank down with boom microphone] Pam: Whoa. Brian: [as Frank gets up] Easy! [Frank grabs him] Frank: You son of a bitch! Brian: You're gonna hit a woman? [SCENE_BREAK] Senator: Thanks so much for coming. Thanks so much. [to Oscar and Angela] Well. Have we all calmed down yet? Oscar: Yes. Sorry about that. Angela: It was all my fault. Senator: Let's all try to do better next time. Kevin, great to see you. Kevin: Yeah. Thank you for the food. Oh, and also, you suck. Senator: I beg your pardon. Kevin: You are like a terrible person. These guys care about you and you're just using them. Again, the food was very good. [Oscar and Angela exit looking pleased] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Well, I'm gonna say something to the producers. Brian: No. No, it's... Pam: You shouldn't be fired. I mean, you were just protecting me. Brian: It's all good. I knew what I was doing. It's... I'm sorry about your mural, though. I mean, because you put so much into that. Pam: Forget about my mural. It's stupid. Brian: No. You, you worked hard on that. That guy's an animal. I'm glad they're firing him too. Pam: It's crazy. Brian, I'm so sorry. Brian: Look. I don't, I don't wanna put myself where I don't belong. If you ever need me, you just call me. And I'll be there for you. Pam: Thanks, Brian. Brian: Seeya. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Wow. This whole Philly thing has been so much fun that I may have lost sight of what really matters. I mean, having fun is not nearly as important as being good to the people who you really care about. I mean, that's just 'Roommates 101'. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [playing video game with Jim] Oh. Come on! Jim: Oh. Oh! Darryl: Damn! Jim: [imitating game announcer] You win. [Darryl throws empty can on floor] How good did that feel? Darryl: That felt really good, actually.	Plan: A: Pam's warehouse mural; Q: What is vandalized? A: the help; Q: What does Pam seek from Dwight and Nellie? A: the vandal; Q: Who did Pam try to track down? A: their Philadelphia apartment; Q: Where is Darryl uncomfortable with Jim's uncleanliness? A: Angela; Q: Who allows Oscar and Kevin to attend her son Phillip's first birthday party? Summary: Someone vandalizes Pam's warehouse mural. Distraught, she seeks the help of Dwight and Nellie, who both eagerly help her track down the vandal. Meanwhile, in their Philadelphia apartment, Darryl is uncomfortable with Jim's uncleanliness. Angela begrudgingly allows Oscar and Kevin to attend her son Phillip's first birthday party.
"The Passage, Part 2" (Back to last week's episode. Jack hits the button on his watch to deactivate the necklace and Irina takes it off. At the joint task force ops center, a nervous agent watches the monitor. It starts beeping. He gets up and runs to Vaughn, who's talking on the phone nearby.) VAUGHN: Of course. Of course. Absolutely. NERVOUS AGENT: Mr. Vaughn-- VAUGHN: Yes, sir. NERVOUS AGENT: Mr. Vaughn! VAUGHN: Yes, sir. As soon as we find out. NERVOUS AGENT: The necklace has been deactivated. VAUGHN: I'll have to call you back. (hangs up) When? NERVOUS AGENT: Just now. VAUGHN: You've confirmed this? NERVOUS AGENT: Yes. Satellite imagery detected combat. VAUGHN: Combat? (Meanwhile, Sydney shoots at the PRF men. Irina throws the necklace and Jack hits the trigger on his watch. Boom. At the ops center, an explosion is seen on the monitor.) VAUGHN: What just happened? NERVOUS AGENT: It's over. VAUGHN: Can we tell if there's any survivors? NERVOUS AGENT: Not with this bird. VAUGHN: We need new satellites. (Kendall walks through the center with Vaughn at his heels.) KENDALL: Even if they survive, sending in a team is out of the question. VAUGHN: Why? They're on an authorized mission. KENDALL: A clandestine mission! If we start scouring the countryside, the Indian government is going to figure out that Pakistani-supported rebels in Azad Kashmir have acuired nuclear weapons. They're going to launch preemptive strikes. The Pakistanis are going to retaliate, and I'm going to get called in front of a half a dozen congressional committees demanding to know why we screwed up! So the only thing we're interested in right now is how to make this problem disappear. I want an options paper from you in two hours. VAUGHN: And after that I'd like to look quietly for the Bristows myself. KENDALL: Nuclear weapons. Nu-cl-ear. VAUGHN: I understand. KENDALL: I shouldn't have to define your priorities for you. VAUGHN: Obviously. I just don't think we should cut them loose. KENDALL: Listen. Alive or dead, the mission failed. So if the Bristows are out there, they're on their own. (Kendall walks away. Craig walks up to Vaughn with a sheet of paper in his hands.) CRAIG: Hey, man. Check this out. (Vaughn reads. It's a top secret document that says "Nuclear Weapons Activation." As the content of the message, it says, "nukes are prepped... 1700 hours.") CRAIG: Nothing like more bad news, huh? (The next morning, the Bristows walk through the countryside.) SYDNEY: Maybe they were just a roving patrol. JACK: No. PRF rebels would never be this deep into Indian territory without being dispatched. IRINA: Your father's right. We had one advantage -- surprise. Now that's gone. SYDNEY: Just a second. JACK: Can't stop. More patrols could be in the area. SYDNEY: Oooh, God. (She stops and sits down on the ground. Her parents turn around.) IRINA: What happened? SYDNEY: Nothing, I just scraped my leg. (She raises her pant leg to show a big gouge on her leg with blood and scrapes all around. Jack and Irina crouch down beside her with Jack taking off his pack so he can help her.) SYDNEY: Dad, I can do it. JACK: I got it. You need to stop the bleeding. (Irina stands up.) JACK: Where are you going? (Irina gets something from the bushes nearby.) IRINA: These bushes, they have communis berries. Their juice soothes the skin, helps healing. You should put this on first. SYDNEY: Seriously, I'm fine. JACK: You're not fine. IRINA: No, you're not fine. (They press the juice into the leg with a black cloth.) IRINA: Jack, I know you're determined to get to Srinagar but my contact in Jaipur is much closer. He's completely reliable, he has good equipment-- JACK: This is a CIA mission. I have operation control. You're a prisoner. Your only function -- sole reason you're momentarily breathing fresh air, is to use your knowledge of the rebels' base to help us steal the suitcase nukes and leave. That's why we're using people I know and trust. We're not having this conversation again. (He stands.) JACK: You okay? SYDNEY: Yeah, thanks. (He walks away.) IRINA: This is not a power play. The facility we're headed for, security's tighter than the NSA. If I don't have the right equipment, it's pointless. SYDNEY: We should move. IRINA: Okay. (She helps Sydney up and the three of them continue walking with Jack ahead.) (Time lapse. They walkto the edge of a hill and see below a train going by, its whistle blowing.) (On the train, the three of them sit in a cargo car with various crates around them. They've opened some of them to get food and drink -- Sydney eats something that looks like whole wheat flatbread but could be something else and Jack drinks something straight out of the bottle. He looks at Irina. He passes the bottle to her and she takes a drink. Smiling, she looks away briefly.) JACK: I know what you're thinking. IRINA: (smiling) Do you? JACK: The toaster. (Irina laughs.) SYDNEY: What are you guys talking about? IRINA: Ah... (She takes another drink and passes it back to Jack, smiling. Jack's smiling a little as well.) JACK: We used to have this toaster at home. It was broken and using it one night, I started a small fire. IRINA: We had something like this to drink and we both had a little too much. JACK: I forgot about the toast I was making. (Irina laughs.) SYDNEY: When was this? IRINA: You were... four years old. (Jack nods.) IRINA: There was so much smoke, we had to move out for a week. We stayed in that hotel. JACK: (quietly) The Summit. IRINA: The Summit. SYDNEY: W-wait was that the hotel with the sundaes? IRINA: Mm-hmm. JACK: Yeah. (smiles) I think you had one every night. (Irina smiles, laughs. She and Jack make eye contact. He looks down.) JACK: You should get some sleep. (He gets up and walks to the edge of the car, looking straight ahead. Sydney smiles.) (In Srinagar, at a marketplace, the Bristows stand in a tent. Jack's friend comes in and stops.) FRIEND: Jack? JACK: I would have called. I need your help. FRIEND: Yes, yes, of course. No one can see you dressed like this. (He drops the sari cloths for privacy.) JACK: That's one of the reasons we're here. FRIEND: It's good to see you again. JACK: You, too. You look well. FRIEND: Well, imagine how bad I looked before, heh heh. (Sydney smiles politely.) FRIEND: Are you who I think? Is she yours? JACK: Yes. FRIEND: He always brags about you. He showed me a picture once-- JACK: We need to penetrate a class-A target outside Muzaffarabad. We'll need aliases, papers, transpo, ammo, sat phone, and security penetration. FRIEND: Yes. Would you like some tea? IRINA: No, thank you. We also need tactical gear and high-resolution night vision goggles. FRIEND: Yes. Except no. My main supplier died two months ago. JACK: Saresh was killed? FRIEND: Heart attack. We are old men, Jack. We don't live forever, especially in Kashmir. Of course, um, I can provide aliases, basic weapons, access to satellite phone and transportation. What kind of security? IRINA: Biometric sensors, dual infrared passive and microwave sensors, fiber optic on the fence. FRIEND: What's your timeframe? IRINA: We have none. We're already behind schedule. FRIEND: Well I can do what I can do, but it might not be enough for you. JACK: We'll take whatever you've got. Thank you. FRIEND: Yes. First thing, you need to be looking not like you. (At the ops center, Vaughn grabs a headset from an agent.) VAUGHN: Hello? (At the marketplace tent, Sydney, in her new clothes, speaks on the sat phone.) SYDNEY: Hi. I'm on a secure line. VAUGHN: Sydney, we saw the blast. What happened? SYDNEY: I'll fill you in later but we were compromised. VAUGHN: I'm so glad you're okay. What about your parents? SYDNEY: You know, some people go miniature golfing with their parents. We go to India and look for nukes. VAUGHN: Listen, Sydney, we intercepted a communication. The rebels say they're planning on activating the nukes tomorrow at 1700 hours. SYDNEY: Activate how? VAUGHN: We don't know. SYDNEY: Deploy? Detonate? VAUGHN: Activate, that's the word they used. Now, it might mean delivery, maybe detonation, we don't know. But we have to assume the worst since they got the control codes through SD-6. SYDNEY: And I got the control codes for SD-6 which means I can deactivate the nukes. VAUGHN: If you get there in time. (Inside the tent, Sydney hangs up and walks back out to Jack's friend.) FRIEND: Perfect. (Jack and Irina come down. Jack's wearing a beard and turban, Irina dressed like Sydney but in red.) FRIEND: Here. My truck is parked on the other side of the market. JACK: I owe you. IRINA: What kind of air filter does it have? FRIEND: A foam filter. IRINA: That won't work. It'll clog up in the desert conditions. JACK: We'll return the truck as soon as we can. IRINA: We cannot use this truck, it'll never get us there. JACK: Irina-- IRINA: I know you think I'm always second-guessing you-- JACK: I told you-- IRINA: But if we don't get a car with a-- JACK: This is my decision and it is not negotiable! SYDNEY: Listen to me, both of you! We have a job to do. Your issues are going to have to be dealt with later. Please excuse us. (Muttering and shaking his head, Jack's friend gives them some privacy.) SYDNEY: Right now we have six suitcase nukes that are going to be activated tomorrow. JACK: Is that confirmed? SYDNEY: CIA doesn't have any details, they want us to deactivate the nukes and steal them. JACK: CIA needs to get authorization for a preemptive strike now. SYDNEY: They need confirmation that the nukes are there. JACK: It'll be too late by then. SYDNEY: Not if we work together. This is the way it's going to be. Dad will decide how we get to the base. It's his call. Once we arrive, Mom takes over. You were an officer there, you know your way around. You'll lead us into the facility to the nukes and back out. Then you will resume control and get us home. There will be no objections to and no deviations from this plan. (Outside, Jack stands in the back of the truck and takes a lid off of a big bin.) JACK: Three of these bins are filled with grain. Irina, you'll be in the fourth. SYDNEY: You can't be serious! JACK: She's the most likely to be recognized. The rebels are looking for a three-person team. So we have a better chance of avoiding detection if we alter our configuration. (Irina doesn't say a word. She walks to the truck, puts her hand on Jack's shoulder for a boost, and swings her leg inside the bin. She kneels down and Jack puts the lid on the bin.) SYDNEY: Are you sure she can breathe in there? (Jack gives her a look.) (Time lapse. Driving. More driving with the bins in the back. The truck is stopped on the side of the road. Inside, Jack wipes off his make-up, now sans beard. He sits there for a moment.) SYDNEY: Dad, we need to get moving. JACK: I know. I'm just... preparing myself to let Irina out. SYDNEY: It will be fine. JACK: Sydney, I've been doing this job a long time so when you lectured me about continuing the mission and letting down protocol-- SYDNEY: Dad, my point was-- JACK: I know what your point was, and the truth is, I needed to hear it. I'm proud of you, that's all. (He climbs out of the truck before Sydney can say anything and closes the door. On the back of the truck, he takes the lid off. Inside, a frazzled Irina looks up. She stands, breathing heavily and tries to get out. Jack offers his hand. She takes it. Sydney tosses her a jug of water.) IRINA: Thank you. (She takes a big drink and looks around.) IRINA: What are we doing here? This is not the drop. (Jack and Sydney both look down.) IRINA: The filter got clogged, didn't it? (She looks at Jack and he looks away. She tosses the water jug back at Sydney while Jack starts taking their mission bags out of the bins.) IRINA: We're still ten miles away from the base. We need to hike to the field where we'll access a sewage tunnel that'll lead us into the facility. SYDNEY: I thought you said security was heavy. IRINA: It is on the other side of the facility. At the entry point we're using, the rebels rely on land mines to keep intruders away. JACK: We don't have the equipment to detect land mines. IRINA: We don't have the equipment because your contact didn't come through. I know where the mines are planted. JACK: You want to walk through a minefield you haven't seen in nineteen years? SYDNEY: Is there another way? JACK: And assume no new mines have been planted? IRINA: I just spent five hours in a grain bin. It's my turn now. Let's get to it. (Sloane's office with Sark and Sloane.) SARK: I just spoke with Gerard Cuvee, leader of the PRF. He's quite charming, really -- more like a banker than a rebel leader. But then you're a money man too, aren't you? SLOANE: Is everything in place? SARK: The nuclear cores will be activated at 1700 hours. As soon as it's done, they'll upload the results to our servers. (Phone rings.) SLOANE: Yeah? SECRETARY: Sir, I have someone calling regarding your wife. They won't identify themselves. SLOANE: Record the call. (to Sark) I need some privacy. (He nods and leaves.) SLOANE: Yeah? DIGUISED VOICE: Romantic touch, don't you think? Your wife's ring finger. By now your lab's confirmed that despite your best efforts, you didn't kill Emily and now I have her. SLOANE: What do you want? DISGUISED VOICE: One hundred million in bearer bonds. SLOANE: This is about money? DISGUISED VOICE: Everything is about money. Instructions for the drop have been electronically mailed to you. You have twenty-four hours. Fail to deliver the bonds, and the next delivery will go to the Alliance. (The Bristows, back in their black spy gear, stop at a field with trees. They start walking with Irina leading, then Sydney, then Jack. They follow Irina's steps.) SYDNEY: Where did the PRF get all these mines? IRINA: You Americans have the worst inventory controls in the world. So, Sydney, how is school? SYDNEY: I'm writing my dissertation... supposedly. (Jack, gun in hand, looks and stops walking. Birds chirp.) JACK: Quiet. (He aims his gun when three PRF rebels stand in the distance and start shooting. Jack starts shooting, as does Sydney.) IRINA: Behind the tree! To your left, Jack! (They all hide behind trees with Sydney and Jack exchanging fire with the three rebels.) IRINA: Jack, I need a gun! (He pauses for a moment and tosses her his gun after shooting one of the rebels. When he throws it, he's shot in the chest. Shocked, he falls back on the ground. Sydney looks over and continues shooting. The three rebles are dead. Jack tries to get up, groaning.) IRINA: Don't move! You're on a mine. (Irina carefully walks over as Jack remains still. Sydney tries to move.) IRINA: Sydney, don't move. Five steps forward. Three to your left. And then straight towards us. (Sydney does as she says and crouches down beside Irina next to Jack.) SYDNEY: Are you hurt? JACK: No. The bullet hit my vest. (Sydney and Irina move the ground out of the way to uncover the mine. It's next to Jack's left thigh.) IRINA: It's an M-26 anti-personnel mine. We'll need to pry off the panel and remove the blasting cap. (Sydney removes the panel. Jack watches.) JACK: You need to cut the detonator core that leads to the blasting cap. (Sydney takes out her knife.) IRINA: Her knife's not coated. If she cuts the wire with metal, she'll complete the circuit and set it off. I can do it. (Jack looks at her with an, "Oh, how wonderful" look on his face. Irina pulls the wire.) IRINA: It's okay. (He stands up.) IRINA: Over that hill is the entrance to the sewer tunnel. We should hurry. Follow closely. (At the ops center, Kendall walks and once again Vaughn is on his heels.) KENDALL: Contact the Bristows, tell them to pull out immediately. VAUGHN: I have no way of initiating. Why? KENDALL: The Indians found out the Pakastani rebels have acquired nukes. They're launching air strikes in twenty-four hours. VAUGHN: What? We have to get them to back off! KENDALL: We're trying, but they're angry that we knew about the nukes and keptit from them. They're insisting on going forward. VAUGHN: Then let me make a personal appeal. KENDALL: Vaughn, everybody is working on this already -- state, NSC, DOD. VAUGHN: Look, you're probably going to say no to this but I want to go to India. I was stationed there for two years, I have relationships-- KENDALL: Go. VAUGHN: Go? KENDALL: I'll have a military aircraft waiting. This is totally back channel. VAUGHN: You're just gonna--Are you trying to get rid of me? (Kendall smiles and pats Vaughn on the shoulder. Vaughn runs off to prepare.) (Inside the building, Irina pops open a vent cover and enters what looks like an office.) IRINA: Clear. (Sydney climbs in, as does Jack. Irina immediately steps to a desk and starts drawing a map on a piece of paper.) IRINA: We're here. The nukes will either be in a sealed R&D lab or a vault located in the sub-basement. The lab's the better bet because its security system is more sophisticated. JACK: So we check the vault first. IRINA: Not if we only get one shot. The lab has thermal sensors to detect intruders through their body heat. If we raise the room to body temperature -- 98.6 degrees -- the sensors won't be able to distinguish between us and the thermostat level of the lab. Sydney, you'll get to the central heating control panel here. (draws) It's located in a room near the stairwell in the sub-basement. Find the panel for zone three. SYDNEY: Got it. IRINA: Jack, the lab door is controlled by a voice recognition system, only Cuvee's voice is programmed to open it. We need to break into the main computer system here to access his file. You'll erase his voice and substitute your own. I'll be in Cuvee's private office. JACK: You and I are not separating. Not in here. IRINA: Jack, listen to me. Unless I deactivate the facility's surveillance system from Cuvee's office, we won't get anywhere near the nukes. JACK: No. You've done good work getting us here. I'm not blind to that. But I'm also far from trusting you. If you want those nukes for yourself, this is a perfect setup. You were an office here in this facility, you've got friends here willing to work with you. IRINA: Friends? You know what this place was when I was here, Jack? A prison. Where the KGB interrogated suspected traitors and no, I wasn't an office here. I was a prisoner. Why do you think I learned the sewage tunnels or memorized the mine locations? So I could escape, you idiot. We're out of time. We either separate and meet at the lab in five minutes or we're going back. It's your choice. SYDNEY: Dad, she's right. We don't have any more time. (Jack nods once, regret on his face.) IRINA: I'll be in the lab in five minutes. I promise. JACK: You better be. (She throws some clothes from the locker at him, hard. He catches it. She tosses Sydney clothes for her.) [SCENE_BREAK] (A worker walks down the hall. Jack takes him, twists his arm behind him and holds him hard. Bone snaps. The guy presses his hand against the sensor pad. Jack drops him and enters the office. Elsewhere, Sydney opens the control panel and programs zone three for 98.6 degrees. She closes the panel door and turns. A worker has a gun raised. The following conversation is in subtitles.) GUY: Who are you? I've never seen you before. SYDNEY: Amenah. I'm new. GUY: Where's your ID? SYDNEY: Computers are down. They told me to come back tomorrow. (He puts down his gun, smiling.) GUY: About time they sent us something decent to look at. (In the room, Jack types on a laptop and brings up Cuvee's file. He plays the sound file.) CUVEE'S VOICE: Mera naam Gerard Cuvee. (He clicks on erase and records it again.) JACK: Mera naam Gerard Cuvee. (He plays it.) JACK'S VOICE: Mera naam Gerard Cuvee. (In London at the Alliance headquarters, Sloane sits with Alain Christophe and Ramond.) SLOANE: Thank you for agreeing to this emergency meeting. Despite my best efforts to comply with your orders to kill my wife after she learned the truth about SD-6, someone interfered. And this person is now extorting me for her return. Last week, the blackmailers sent me Emily's finger -- her ring finger. Lab tests confirmed that Emily was alive when they severed the finger. RAMOND: Blood coagulation tests are not one hundred per cent accurate. SLOANE: Yes, but they are reliable. And then two days ago security section obtained those. (He slides an envelope of pictures across the table.) SLOANE: Those are photos of airport security in Santiago and London. And we have confirmed that Emily was on flight manifests last week. CHRISTOPHE: Any idea on the men with her? SLOANE: No. But the blackmailer wants a hundred million in bearer bonds for her return. RAMOND: Who else knew about your instruction to kill Emily? SLOANE: Only the people in this room. CHRISTOPHE: You believe one of us may be behind this? SLOANE: No. But someone has infiltrated our secure communications. RAMOND: Well, whoever it is, will get nothing. SLOANE: No, it's not quite that simple. We have to eliminate this leak before more damaging information about the Alliance gets out. So I propose that we put a tracking device on the bonds, that we make this exchange, that we follow the blackmailer and we assassinate him. RAMOND: You understand, Arvin, after all this, if you get your wife back she will still have to be eliminated. SLOANE: I understand. (In a hallway outside the vault, Jack waits. Sydney walks up.) SYDNEY: The thermal sensors are neutralized. JACK: Where's your mother? SYDNEY: I haven't seen her. We got this far. She must have gotten to Cuvee's office and disabled the surveillance system. She'll be here. (Jack stops at the control panel.) JACK: Mera naam Gerard Cuvee. (The door beeps and opens.) JACK: We're not waiting. (They go inside. Jack finds the suitcase and Sydney takes it.) JACK: Use the control codes to begin the deactivation. (Sydney punches in the code and unlocks it. Once the suitcase is open, she unscrews the cap to find it empty.) JACK: The plutonium core is gone. (Guns cocking, several men enter the room with their guns pointed at Sydney and Jack. Among them, at the front of the pack, is Gerard Cuvee. Jack and Sydney freeze. Then Irina walks in. She smiles at Cuvee and puts her hand on his shoulder.) (In Cuvee's office, he pours them a drink. The following conversation is in subtitles.) CUVEE: I heard you'd been killed. IRINA: Captured and held by the CIA for three months. I got out by convincing them they needed my help to steal the warheads. (They chuckle.) CUVEE: You little witch. (She smiles. He kisses her.) (Sloane walks down a sidewalk in the afternoon. He carries a briefcase. Marshall, back in his office at SD-6 speaks to him through a headset transmitter. Marshall is at his computer.) MARSHALL: Hi, Mr. Sloane, it's me. Marshall. Sorry. You probably already know that, we, uh, planned this. Anyway. The tracer on the bonds is working perfectly. SLOANE: Good. I'm turning off my comm. (He goes radio silent. Marshall watches the red dot on his screen tracing the bonds. Sloane walks to a bench and sits down. He puts the briefcase next to him. His cell rings.) SLOANE: Yeah? MAN: I see you. Leave the briefcase on the bench and keep walking. Proceed toward the corner while we verify the authenticity of the bonds. (Sloane walks away from it. The briefcase is already gone.) MARSHALL: Oh yeah! I got you! Right into my wheelhouse! C'mon! MAN: Go to the row of vending machines. Take the "City View," fifth from the top. MARSHALL: I told you, ain't nobody gettin' by Magic Marshall's invisible liquid tracer! Know what I'm sayin'? (does a little dance) (Sloane opens the newspaper machine.) MARSHALL: I say, c'mon! Unh! C'mon! (He dances around his office.) (Sloane takes out the fifth newspaper. Inside is an envelope. He opens it and sees a few Polaroids of Emily with blood on her temple. He winces.) MARSHALL: Wait a minute. (An error flashes on his screen: "SIGNAL LOST.") MARSHALL: Wait! No! Where did-- Oh, God, no. NO! (Sydney is in a cell, tears in her eyes. She watches across the way as Jack sits on the bed in his own cell, his hands handcuffed. Cuvee and Irina are in the cell with him, both have guns. Sydney tries to listen in, but it's muffled.) CUVEE: I think you understand the situation you find yourself in... (Irina smiles. Sydney cries. Inside the cell, Jack looks up at Cuvee.) CUVEE: Not to brag, but I'm kind of responsible for matchmaking you and Irina. Didn't she tell you? I was a supervisor at the KGB. I was the one who gave her the assignment to go to the US and marry a CIA officer. Now, you weren't the only prospect, of course. But you had the most potential. Ha! I actually thought it would dawn on you that a woman like this would never go for someone like you. (Irina laughs.) CUVEE: Luckily for me, your ego was too big for that. (Jack lunges at him and hits Cuvee. Irina hits him and he falls on the bed, his hands still handcuffed.) CUVEE: You're a dead man! (He aims his gun at Jack but Irina stops him.) IRINA: No, wait, wait. I want what we came for. (She aims her gun at Jack. Sydney watches, horrified.) IRINA: Sark's made a deal with us. What kind of double cross is he planning? (Jack doesn't say anything.) IRINA: Maybe you didn't hear me. (She steps closer and yanks Jack's head back by his hair. She presses her gun to his throat.) JACK: Ugh! IRINA: We know Sark has a new partner. Who is it? (A worker enters the cell.) WORKER: Mr. Sark is on the telephone. (Cuvee stands close to Irina and kisses her cheek, then near her mouth. He stares at Jack.) CUVEE: Get the information. IRINA: Uh-huh. CUVEE: And meet me in my office. (He aims his gun at Jack and imitates a gunshot.) CUVEE: Pow! (He laughs and leaves the cell with the worker, leaving Irina and Jack alone. Sydney keeps looking as Irina grabs Jack by the hands and pushes him back.) IRINA: (whispering) Damn it. I was caught. I had to do this or we'd all be killed. They're not detonating the nukes. Here's what you have to do... (Back in LA, Sark is on the phone.) SARK: Is everything on target? CUVEE: We ran into a few problems but, uh... SARK: What kind of problems? CUVEE: We've got it under control. We'll proceed as planned. SARK: Then I'll expect your report on the Rambaldi artifact within the hour. (Back in the cell, Irina is still holding Jack's hands together, her gun pointed at him.) IRINA: Trust me on this. If you don't make it out, I'm sorry this happened. (She hits him in the mouth with her gun.) JACK: Ugh! (She yells for them to open the door. They do. She flings the door and walks out. Jack groans, sits up. His mouth is swollen and bloody. He opens his hands to see that Irina slipped him the keys to the handcuffs.) (At an Indian military base, Vaughn speaks to an army general.) GENERAL: Mr. Vaughn, good to see you again. But I'm afraid you came a long way for nothing. VAUGHN: General, we have people at the PRF base right now stealing the nukes. GENERAL: And if they fail, we'll be the Pakistani's first target. VAUGHN: They won't fail. GENERAL: You can't guarantee that. VAUGHN: General, if you launch those strikes now, you'll be killing some of our best assets. GENERAL: Mr. Vaughn, your govnernment knew the rebels acquired the suitcase nukes and still they said nothing. They placed our whole country at risk. VAUGHN: At least delay a few hours until we get our people out! GENERAL: I'm sorry. The air strikes go as planned. You look more like your father every time I see you, you know that? VAUGHN: My father wrote about you in his journal. He wrote that he trusted you and respected you. And that is why I came such a long way. GENERAL: I cannot call off the strikes but I will give you a headstart. VAUGHN: Meaning what? GENERAL: Meaning a chopper and pilot. But if you are going to try to rescue your friends, you are doing so at your own risk. (Sydney is on the bed in her cell, her wrists handcuffed, her eyes closed. She wakes up when she hears a key in the door. Jack is unlocking her cell.) SYDNEY: Dad! JACK: Shhh, shhh! SYDNEY: How'd you get free? JACK: Sydney, your mother was helping us. (He starts unlocking her handcuffs.) SYDNEY: What? What about Cuvee? She was torturing you! JACK: She was putting on a show for Cuvee. Before she left, she put these in my hand. She told me they're using the cores to activate a Rambaldi artifact. SYDNEY: They're not detonating the nukes? JACK: Among the things Rambaldi experimented with was self-sustaining cell regeneration. This artifact they're opening today is reported to be Rambaldi's proof of endless life. SYDNEY: Endless life? JACK: We have no time to make any meaningful assessments. All I know is that your mother claims to have provided us with an opportunity to contact the CIA for extraction and we should act on it. (Helicopter in mid-flight. Vaughn leans out, looking around.) VAUGHN: Can't this thing go any faster? PILOT: This is it! We're going against the wind! (At the ops center, Nervous Agent answers the phone.) NERVOUS AGENT: Operations. (In a room at the base, Sydney is on a sat phone and Jack types on a computer.) SYDNEY: Boot camp, this is Mountaineer. Voice ID number Alpha, Charlie, 710. I need to speak with Agent Vaughn. NERVOUS AGENT: Vaughn's not available. Let me give you Kendall. (Jack types and gets to the surveillance feeds. He clicks to another one and gets to the lab. He zooms in and sees Cuvee and Irina.) KENDALL: Agent Bristow, do you have the package? SYDNEY: We're in process. We'll need extraction within the hour. KENDALL: Abort. The Indians hve launched air strikes against the base. SYDNEY: Air strikes? We're not finished, you have to get them to hold off! KENDALL: Listen to me. Fighter planes are in the sky, you have to leave now. SYDNEY: Not until we get my mother. KENDALL: Agent Bristow, I'm ordering you to... (Jack grabs the phone.) KENDALL: ...pull out and head for the extraction point, immediately! JACK: This is Jack. You'll either hear from us again, or you won't. (He hangs up.) JACK: Our assignment from the CIA is to bring her back. That's our job. (In the lab, Cuvee monitors things. His workers remove the cores and put them in cylinders surrounding a large egg-like container. They click the switch, closing the cores inside. Sydney and Jack jog in and hide behind one of the large machines at the edge of the room. They insert another core inside. It starts up. Cuvee watches and nods at one of the workers who starts augmenting the power output via his computer. Cuvee leans in. The container opens and a flower is inside. Irina watches. Jack hears the planes overhead. Outside, the planes drop missiles into the building and on contact, it shakes the building and people start running around, gathering things and running out. Cuvee takes the flower out. Irina looks at him and spins around, kicking him in the stomach. He aims his gun at her but Jack grabs him and elbows him. He twists Cuvee's arm around and punches him, hard. Jack looks at Irina. He turns to Sydney, who has picked up the flower off the floor.) SYDNEY: Flower? That's what this is all about? JACK: We need to get the cores and get out of here. (He starts removing them. Outside, more planes fly by as Vaughn's helicopter swoops in, right on time. Sydney, Jack and Irina run out of the building with Sydney holding the flower and Jack carrying the briefcase with the cores inside. Sydney stops and looks at the helicopter, sees Vaughn leaning out.) SYDNEY: It's Vaughn! (She smiles as the three of them run to the chopper. Vaughn waves them in and helps Irina inside.) JACK: Got the cores! Tell them to call off the air strikes! VAUGHN: This is Agent Vaughn! Abort the air strikes! I repeat, abort the air strikes! (The helicopter takes off and the fighter planes fly away.) (Back to Irina's cell. Two US Marshals escort Irina down the hall. They enter the cell. Handcuffed, she smiles a little when she sees that there's now a mattress, pillow, and blanket on her bed waiting for her. They undo the handcuffs and leave her. Sydney stands on the other side of the glass.) IRINA: You must have a lot of questions. SYDNEY: Yeah. IRINA: One thing that should not wait any longer is why I shot you in Taipei. The rebel leader, Gerard Cuvee... When you were in Taipei, he was in the next room watching to see if I would betray him or you. Shooting you in the shoulder, giving you time to escape, it was the only way I could think to maintain his trust and keep him from killing both of us. (They smile a little.) IRINA: We're both tired. You should get some rest. SYDNEY: You, too... (Sydney smiles.) SYDNEY: Mom. (She leaves. Irina closes her eyes as a tear rolls down her cheek. She opens her eyes and smiles.) (Upstairs, Sydney walks and sees Vaughn sitting at a desk. She stops.) SYDNEY: Hi. VAUGHN: Hey. (He stands.) SYDNEY: Any word on the flower? VAUGHN: Preliminary analysis indicates that it's anywhere from four to six hundred years old. (Sydney gives him a look.) VAUGHN: Like I said, preliminary. (He smiles and gives her something.) SYDNEY: What's this? (She looks at the tickets he's given her. Big smile.) (Sydney, Will and Francie all play mini golf together. Sydney, in pigtails, hits the red golf ball and laughs. She's jogging around, having fun. Vaughn watches from nearby, smiling. Sydney laughs and takes another shot. Vaughn leaves.)	Plan: A: Jack; Q: Who is Sydney's partner in the mission to take control of six nuclear warheads? A: Irina; Q: Who meets up with Gerard Cuvee? A: Sloane; Q: Who informs the Alliance that Emily may still be alive? Summary: Sydney and Jack continue on a mission to take control of six nuclear warheads. Irina meets up with Gerard Cuvee and we discover where Irina's loyalties lie. Meanwhile, Sloane informs the Alliance that Emily may still be alive.

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